The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #171 - Ed Soares, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 23, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk with Ed Soares, manager to UFC fighters Anderson Silva, Lyoto Machida, and Glover Teixeira. This podcast is brought to you by: This podcast is brought to you by: Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 04/23/2014.

This show is sponsored by dollar shaveclub.com. Get high quality rates and sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollar shaveclub.com slash church. That's dollar shaveclub.com slash church. Or just go to Joey Diaz.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. The show is also sponsored by Nature Box, where you can order great tasting, healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like French toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off.

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use promo code Joey Diaz. Oh shit. Oh shit. You bad motherfuckers. It's Wednesday. April 23rd. You're alive. You're dead. Dick is hard and somebody's getting ready, suck some fucking yum yums.

It's the church of what's happening now, cock suckers. Lee, kick this motherfucker. Let me see you wiggle. Old school, Lee. Take it to the hoop, Lee. Oh shit. Crank that motherfucker, Lee. Crank that shit, Lee.

Bust their fucking earballs. Oh shit. Oh shit. Kick a leak. Give me some love. Oh, fuck. Oh shit. Love is the word of the day.

Suck my dick is the second word of the day Oh oh oh oh Oh shit Oh shit This is you motherfuckers Fuck the Malaysian plane Fuck the Pope Fuck everybody

Oh shit What's the story though They're never gonna find that plane They said particles fucking came up It's over Those sharks fucking Those sharks are shitting Those fucking people by now

It's over It's over Lysayette Wednesday April 23 Fuck 420. If you ain't popping every day, you ain't a fucking soldier. It's 420.

Oh, my God. The fuck out of here, you fucking homo. What's happening, baby? Nothing. I want to congratulate you. Oh, thank you. I'm taking a walk yesterday.

I did. I took a walk early. Little commitments become big commitments, my brother. All that's bullshit. You know, what are you going to do? Put a fucking suit on and go jump with a training.

And after three days, you're going to be so sore. It all starts with walking. If you can't walk, you can't do nothing. Yeah. And I think everything happens for a reason because I had a

fucked up thing happened and now it looks like I might be moving next to the Hollywood Park, North Hollywood Park. We're getting thrown out every fucking day. Every day. We're getting thrown out of apartments. That's what I'm talking about. We live. You're slinging dick. That didn't throw you out because you bump some guys caught. They threw you out because they see you with a smile in your face. They didn't throw me out. I'm just

not fucking the pain in the rent there. How much is the rent? $1,200 so I'm fucking leaving. Oh, they raised it? No, no, no. This is a place I've been at. That's where it was. And I'm just I told the landlord. I'm like, I'm not fucking living here, so I found a place today. I'm going to go look at.

Fuck those motherfuckers. So the guy's saying that you're hitting this car. This guy, I've been there a month and a half, almost two months. Like two weeks in, he was in my parking spot, writing me a note with my landlord. I think you're hitting my car. I'm like, I haven't touched your car. My car has no things on it. Like, I just haven't been, but I'll be careful.

And then a week ago, I do have one thing to tell people because it's fucking smart. A week ago, I got a call from my landlord saying, He thinks you're still doing it. We're going to move your parking spot. So what you fucking do, I email my landlord because now I have a record of it. It was April 14th when he emailed me. And I said, I'm not doing it, but I'll move over. So we literally move my parking spot six feet over.

I get a call yesterday from my insurance company. Do you have anything statement for what happened on the 15th? I'm like, what happened on the 15th? Nothing happened. You hit a parked car in a studio city parking lot. I'm like, no. Send someone out. Nothing.

Nothing happened. So I looked at my email. I moved my car on the 14th. He's saying I hit him on the 15th. Yeah. You got this. You got this, dog. Oh, the one thing I have to say, get everything in writing.

You're fucking savage. You're a regular law and order. Oh, I have to call my mom and tell her she was right. Because she told me to do that years ago. So, fuck people. But now I'm moving to a bigger, nicer place. That's right. Because you're slinging dick like a pimp on a Tuesday.

You follow me? That's why I love you, Lisa. Because you're a fucking soldier of death. You don't even know it. You're just a little Jew of death right now. But in fucking poor years, you're going to be throwing satellites out of your dick. You understand me? You're going to be pulling the skin back and phew, pizers.

Lasers. By the way, Passover is over. Break out the fucking Alka-Seltzer. Jesus Christ, it's a weaker Jews eating bad food. You know what I'm saying? Every Jew in America is like, Jesus fucking Christ, I got to go gluten-free now. Fuck those matzo-ball cookies.

Oh, my God, that's so gross. What else is going on? You got nothing for me on a fucking Wednesday. No, I mean, let's see. I'm fucking happy otherwise. Fuck, I just didn't sleep last night. I was riled up yesterday. I was like a Jew.

I was like a Jew on fire. I almost wanted to knock down the guy. Jew on fire. Jew on fire. Luckily, I didn't know what apartment when he was. I almost went to knock on this door. I was, I was riled up yesterday. Well, that's good.

You calmed down to him. How are you doing? You know me, dog. I got up yesterday. I went to that all day. It's funny because last week at the UFC in Orlando, which, by the way, I got to thank the people of Orlando, correctly. I had a great fucking time last week. I really did. Orlando's. And the people that

showed up to the show were world class. Some guy gave me a bad motherfucker wallet. Some guy gave me a tray from my weed. Some guy gave me a vaporizer. I want to give you guys all love. Thank you for the presence. You know, I love you guys. I didn't give you. Monday was a fucked up day here. So a lot of things were overlooked. I was supposed to give some kid a shout out in the Beverly Hills Film Festival. Just, you know, life happens people. So I'm sorry, but I love you as all and we fucking try. Everything is great. I went yesterday to this. I'm not the UFC Saturday. And we'll get into a conversation

about karate movies. And somebody says that Stephen Seagal hit somebody in the head with a pool cue and a sock and out for justice. And I made a statement, I go, yes, he did, but it was first done by Chuck Norris

in Code of Silence. Oh shit. 1983, Dennis Farina, tremendous fucking movie. The Colombians in Chicago. Fucking great. Chuck Norris, you know, we don't give enough credit

to Chuck Norris. Bruce leads it a lot. Chuck Norris did a lot for the sport and especially like Tang Sudo it's a division of Taekwondo it's something else, something different these guys kick above the fucking head, whatever but Chuck Norris is a bad motherfucker

he's a return to dragon with Bruce Lee when they fought the Coliseum and the octagon is good, good guys where black is good, there's a couple movies Chuck Norris made but I think one of Chuck's best fucking movies was Code of Silence, 1983 so I make this statement the guy looks at me weird, the other guy says,

that's right, you're right, the guy goes, I don't think so. I'm not going to argue to the UFC. I just moved on with my life. I have an audition yesterday for the untitled Warren Beatty project.

It's got a fucking all-star cast like Matthew Broderick and fucking Martin Sheen and Candace Bergman and just actors, you know? And Joey Diaz. And Joey Diaz. I go in yesterday,

the appointments at 1130, I get there at 1015. You know me, I don't fuck around. Because I don't want to fuck around in traffic in Hollywood. There was no traffic going into Hollywood. So I'm the second one there.

There's some guy I've recognized from a few movies. I can't remember who it is. I'm sitting there, and also the door opens, and I look up, and it's the fucking gangster from Coda Silence. And he's 70 years old. He's got to be 65, 66. And he's in a couple other movies. The guy's a bad motherfucker.

I do not know what his name is. If anybody, as on IMDB, look it up in Twitter, the gangster from Cota Silence, I think he was a younger guy, The old guy is old man Scalise, and then he's the younger guy, and there's a big Bruno guy. So I'm sitting there, and I look up, and it's this fucking guy from Code of Silence. And he was sitting there for five minutes, and it's a Code of Silence. Nobody's saying nothing to each other.

So I raised my hand, Lee. I go, hey, last Saturday I'm at the UFC, and some motherfucker was talking about Stephen Seagal out for justice, and I said the scene was from Code of Silence, which you were in. And he goes, that's right. and after that we started talking I didn't even tell him the whole story I told him that and then I went inside

they called me and I had to go inside but when I came out I came right back to the same point where they called me in like I was having a conversation he goes Joey you're ready I'll be right back I went in and I came out

and I talked to him a little ball about movies and they told me a Steven Seagal story he was on a plane with Steven Seagal about five years ago and they were both in first class and Steven Seagal got up and he's a tall guy

and his head hit the top of of the thing, and as he was walking on the plane, he left a streak of ink. He left a streak of ink from dyeing his hair, like those guys that spray painted. So there you go. That's your Stephen Seagau. Story of the fucking day. Okay, that's how we

rock it here on the church of what's happened now. Very interesting yesterday. I wanted to ask you something. The other night we had a discussion, you were talking about MSNBC. Oh, the show shows? Yeah, yeah. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Why didn't I turn out like one of those guys? Why didn't I get tattoos? Why

and I commit myself to prison. I always sit there and watch that show because that was me. That was me when I was 28. It was? Lee, I was a knucklehead. I wasn't a knucklehead like that. I was a little bit more intelligent.

I had a lot more common sense than those guys. But I was in that same predicament. Whenever I watched that show and I look at that show, I get really sad. Oh, really? Because I want to grab those guys and go, are you fucking serious? You're going to live a life.

You're going to waste a life behind bars at this mentality. and I know that you like this show and it makes me feel badly like I get scared that that was me at one time See the thing I was gonna say like I just know you now So I was gonna say like well you have heart And then you wouldn't end up like that But if you if that was you then

You know what I'm not talking about me I'm talking about that was like last week They had a guy in there two weeks ago You're on the road you're doing comedy You get back to your room at 1130 You're 9 out of 10 there's nothing on I'll make a cup of coffee and I'll put that on And I'll watch TV listen

But I'm really writing I'm really on the computer on Facebook book of Twitter, I'm writing on LitLift. And I listen to a guy go, you know, that this is the only life I know, you know, being inside him. Right away, I thought of Gary, Danny Bancullo's nephew brother. And I called Danny. Yes, Danny called me in the morning.

I called him back. And I said to him, I was Gary doing it. He goes, Gary's going to be in there for life. You know, Gary called into the podcast a few times. And it's amazing that he always wanted to go back in even when he was out. And that's what the guy said. He goes, I don't feel comfortable outside. in the real world.

And that's fucking shocking to me that you wouldn't feel comfortable. You know, the extension of prison going away is like a big summer camp. If you break it down that way. If you break it down in your head that you're just going away for summer camp as an adult, it makes the time go by

a lot easier. You know, I went in there looking at four to six years. I didn't go in there looking at 20 fucking years and I know I wouldn't make parole. I always knew that it would. I wasn't even going to go in front of the parole board. You do a violent crime. You do 80% of your time, usually, 90% of your time.

So they give you 12 years. You're going to do 10 of those fucking years. Because you're going to go in front of the parole boy, and they're going to deny you. They're going to say that you're not fully rehabilitated. You know, I've been trying to write this chapter. The hardest chapter in this book has been a book about this guy named Mr. Blue when I got locked up.

Mr. Blue was my counselor. Okay. And he was an old redneck. And the first two months, he didn't like me. And I didn't particularly like him. But like anything else in life, He saw something and he started talking with me and giggle. He would break his smile from time to time.

And I would always ask him about a file. There's a special date. They didn't take file. Yeah, you said, a test, you know, and that guy always told me I was dangerous. All it says is you're a danger, and I used to feel really bad about myself. Because at that time, I was on the all-time low, you know, on my mind. You know, I had nothing going on, had no prospects. I had no future.

When you have no future, that's a scary proposition. You might not have a job and you might not be doing what you want to do, but you have a degree. You have a pathway. And at least if you walk into Burger King, they'll say, this guy did something. He went to college for four years,

even though it still shocks me that nobody's ever talked to you about college or five beta cap or whatever. And to have that feeling, to feel lost like that. Anything could happen to you. When you don't have any future and you yourself know, I'm telling you,

I had no fucking future at that moment in that jail. I was coming out. to zero. I had money in the bank. I had a girlfriend. You know, I was going to come out to have an apartment. I wasn't going to be like to start from zero, but I mean emotionally. And as a human being, I started from zero. I didn't have a college degree. You know, I didn't get my high school fucking diploma to right before I got admitted into the University of Colorado. You know, it's not, I quit school and went back, but I never had enough credits to graduate and then who, you know, I was concerned with living, never mind a fucking diploma. Yeah.

So I had all the makings of law. loser. At times, I still feel that way. Only, I pay my rent now. I have money to go to groceries. I don't fear, you don't know what it is to be a criminal to go to bed every night, not knowing what tomorrow's

going to bring, not knowing if you're going to answer the door to fucking cops knocking or whatever. So when I watch that MSNBC show, you know, it just, I look at that and I get scared. For a second, I get really sad. I say to myself, that's me. There's no two ways about it. I was

that position. Well, do you think maybe it had to do with, because you've talked about how you went like for a night every once in a while, but like you were never really in jail before then? Do you think maybe? I wasn't in prison before that. I had been, I had been in county jails before. I felt like days and, yeah, like a night or three days. Not even three days.

Like I always got bailed out. I spent the night, got out in the morning. So you never got comfortable. Like it seems like a lot of those people say. I don't see how the fuck they're comfortable. I don't know what the comfort level is. I mean, the mattresses suck. Yeah.

The showers suck. You know, they give you a little towel. You got a shower with men around you who stink and shit all fucking day. You know what men smell like all fucking day? Like a zoo. You ever go to a fucking zoo by the apes? That's what it smells like in that fucking thing. All right.

Well, I mean, I've seen people on that show who were alive 30 years and have spent 23 years in some sort of jail. Can you believe that? Can you believe that? And that's comforted. Not being able to go to your car. Not being able to walk to 7-Eleven. They don't know anything else. They don't know anything else.

little things. It scared the fuck out of me. It scares the fucking fuck out of me. But I don't know. When I watched that show... Did it scare the fuck out of you then? No, at that time, I... You know, man, after I lost my mother,

I lost the fear factor. The fear of anything, because I wanted to die. When you don't have a mother at that age and had the things going on around me, you know, people buying cars. Here I was 17 and I had no fucking car. You know, there were just little things.

I always felt insecure how it was. Now you put the drugs in no mother. What do you think I'm at now? Loss of religion because you lose your fate. You lose your inner believings. Now what does that leave you? You're just a fucking, you're just a recipe for debt. Yeah.

You know, so when I watch that show, Lee, my question is I don't understand why I didn't end up like that. Yeah. And I know that I have the prison mentality sometimes in my daily life. you know I know I have that criminal mentality in my day of life but it's helped me the the fire in the mornings that I have has helped me you know to do other things I just can't understand like it scares the shit out of me when I want it makes me very uncomfortable and that's what I was just maybe it has something like I don't I'm not a

huge believer in this but I know you are and I know you you lost your mother and you wanted to die and you have were so upset but for the 15 years that you had her She fucking loved you. And you knew that. So I don't know if she was looking over you or maybe just in the back. Like the deepest part of you, you're like, you don't want to disappoint her. So maybe like that pushed you. I don't know what.

No, I don't want to disappoint anybody. Especially, like I told you the other day, if you take me, give me 50 bucks and let me sleep at your house. For years, I would always call you when something good happened. Dog, I booked a commercial. Dog, I did this because in a way I wasn't just happy for me. I was happy for you because you believed. You wouldn't have given me those $20 if you didn't believe. Right.

Some people give you $20 to get rid of you. I knew who was giving me $20 for me to sleep and to live another day and to have my dream another day, which is the most important thing, is that no matter what happens to you, when you wake up that next day, your dream still has to be fucking strong. Whatever your dream or your desire is for that day,

still has to be strong, whether you want to go to a vocational school and be a motorcycle mechanic, or you want to be a transvestite and cut your dick off and, you know, whatever the fuck you want to do. You know, I laugh at the two guys across, street from me. They're transvestites

in progress. Like, you know, they get the shots and the one guy's hair is growing. Then you'll see him and he puts earrings on. Now he's got a bra on. The guy's been wearing a bra lately. You know, he's turning into a woman right in front of me. It didn't happen in one fucking day. You know, since I've been

in the last five years, he's been becoming a fucking fag every fucking day. You know, whatever the fuck he's doing. I like him. I talk to both them. The one is fucking hideous. I don't know how she's going to be a woman. She's really a man She just throws a wig on Like Big Mike?

Yeah, Big Mike Yeah, Big Mike just throws a wig on And says, fuck it That's not having fear You know, that's It's just amazing When you watch those MSNBC shows Yeah

I walked in those shoes And I sit there And I still believe that that was me I still believe in a lot of ways That was me I don't look down on it at all I don't Anybody who talks to me

And emails me And knows that I don't look down On any of that shit at all, you know? Have ever thought about doing one of those Scared Shored? straight things with kids to try to get it? No, because that doesn't work as much.

It doesn't? I don't, listen, nothing really clicked with me until I did the work. Me bringing you into a prison and yelling out yet isn't going to show you work, isn't going to show you the inside of it. If some big black guy got you and beat you on his head with his dick, that'll scare the fuck out of you when you're 15. But me, you yelling in my face.

Yeah. It's just going to make me walk out of there. and be more, you know, to prove you wrong when you're 15. When you're 15, you think you know everything, and your goal is to prove your parents or what was society wrong. You're a fucking moron. You know, I put this tattoo on my face because people know what I'm business. You're 15, you fucking idiot.

That's why you put a tattoo on your face, you fucking moron. That's why they tell you to bring your mom. That's why they tell you to bring your mom when you get a tattoo. She talks you out of a fucking tattoo on your face, you fuck. fucking idiot. But no, that's the real deal, Lee. And it scares. It just wakes me up every fucking day. People, the other day, some kid asked me, what motivates you? The thought of that. So why do you watch the shows? At night? Yeah. As a reminder. As a reminder of how fast things change and how fast things can't change. I could be driving down the street one day. Some guy cuts me off.

I flow into his energy. I give him the finger. He throws something at me. I throw a hammer at him. he dies, I do 50 years over something fucking stupid. That's how fast your life could change. That's how fast. By a movement of your fucking temper, by a movement of you haven't thought it out, that's how fast

life could change. And as long as you know that, as long as you know that, you can wake up one morning, I can look and lean and go, I'll see you at 12. At 11.30, I go to fucking 7-11 and try to run some motherfucker over with a car. And get the rest of the quarter the 12. That's how fast things could fucking happen. Those are the mistakes

I overcome sometimes. I do them because I'm fucking human. Yeah. Everyone makes your stakes. Yeah, you get fucking pissed off every day and things fucking happen. You know, let me tell you something. There are people

that I hang out with in L.A. That when I see them, when I leave them, after a few hours, I feel like shit. Yeah, I hate to... Like my energy. They suck my fucking energy out. They get into my head,

and that's their negativity. They think they're Johnny positive. They think they're the best people in the fucking world. but something about their character that's why when they're around me I know they're lying I know their whole existence is a lie

as soon as they stand next to me but I've been around those people all my life you know you get to get to get people's energy you get to get you're bump into something and everybody's seeing you get happy like Steve Simone

oh fuck yeah whenever you see Steve Simone with his new haircut it's like the sun came out yeah isn't that fucked up I've always been jealous of people like that there's always some person in a group that I'm in

that has no beef with anybody and everybody, no one has any, no one has ever had anything bad to say about somebody. And I'm like, I've always been jealous. I've always wanted that. Nobody talks bad about you. So there's some people who don't like me.

I'm sure I've been an asshole to somebody or, or, or cut somebody off or did something. I mean, there's always some people. Like somebody with your car. No, I didn't. You type to your fucking car. I'll fucking flip this table over.

But no, it's just, I know, I've always been a nice guy, but it's the, there's a difference between being nice, and it's just and the thing is a lot of the times it's a religious person so I don't know what it is

but somebody who's religious but doesn't push it on you there's that person a lot of times always seems to be very happy and no one he never really hurts anybody so like that like every once in a while I'm like should I be religious because they're always really positive

religious it gives you some type of belief and it and it keeps you together I know a lot of people disagree with me When it comes to religion, that's why I don't fucking talk about it. It should be your own personal thing. It's your own personal belief, what you believe and what keeps you going every day. I don't care what it is, as long as you have something.

It's the people who say I'm atheist. And that doesn't bother me. I don't give a fuck if you're right there. None of that shit. When it comes to me, I don't give a fuck if you vote, you don't vote or what your religion is. Because those topics always cause fucking problems. If it keeps me and you together as friends, I don't give a fuck what your angle is. Just don't push it on me.

Yeah. You know, just don't put. There's only one person who pushes the fucking Bible on me, and that's my niece. Really? She heard the podcast, yeah. And she doesn't push it on me heavy. She just mentioned it to Mary once in a while. What does she say?

I don't know. I don't know, you know. And she does it in a cute way. Would you get your niece on? Because every time you talk about your niece, I'm like, no. My wife said no. She's like, don't put her on because she's too young.

And then the mother will listen to her in here is talking about fucking stabbing motherfuckers. And she'll get upset. Why did you put my daughter on there? So I got to wait until she turns 18. Your niece has met Mercy, right? Oh, yeah. Like a little, like, she's like a big sister now? Well, I'm not really.

I mean, she's 18. She's 17. When you're 17, you don't have to, you know, it's tough. But she likes Mercy. And my niece is very sweet. And she said a couple things. And the last year that has really made me turn my head around at her. Because she wants, and whatever we were talking,

and she goes, you know, I want to go back to school, Uncle Joey. So I get a degree so I can take care. but I can take care of you when you get a little... She's the little things to me. She's very sweet, my niece. You know, she grew up without a dad. So that hole is there. And she had problems with somebody a couple years ago at the church,

some guy, an older guy and her got into it. And she just, you could see that she, you know, when I first met my wife, she said something when we were dating, that destroyed me. She goes, I can always tell that you were missing a mom. You just have that thing that you're missing a mom. Yeah. She goes, you just have that.

It makes you a different person Has she explained it? Like what she meant by it? She told me when I was doing blow one night. She didn't know I was doing blow And it just freaked me the fuck out It made me stay with her in a way Because at least she paid attention

No other woman had told me that You know That's very interesting Like did you say what it was that She could tell what she said I was missing A mother's love That there was something about me That you could tell

But that I was very sweet But I could have been sweet Lee, Mother fucking Syatt, the church of what's happening now. Get up. Drink your coffee. Do a little fucking stretch. Stretch your back out.

Stretch your hands. Your feet. Get out there, motherfuckers. It's a beautiful day to be alive. You're going to sit there with your thumb up your ass. Life's against me. Who gives a fuck? Everybody's against you.

But don't let them know. Just get up, wash your balls and get the fuck out there, Lee. Get out there, Lee, Cog, sucker. Get out there. So I walk down to the corner where I live with. There's been offices all my fucking life. In fact, Gray Drake used to have her office in there. That's how I found out about him.

I walked down there to do podcast twice. Oh, okay. Something made me walk down there. I walked, I pressed a buzzer, and I went in, and the guy's name was Victor, and I talked to him a little bit. He goes at the funeral parlor across the street, rented all the four offices, but there's one office. They're not sure.

He was going to contact him today and let them know. It's got windows, air conditioning. We have our own door to the street. We could smoke dope in there if we want to. Oh, shit. Yeah, so we'll find there's two places. that has the outdoors. It's like a hotel.

Oh, nice, yeah. It's outside. There were recovery. They were like redone hotels. That's what I want for the office. I want windows. I don't want to be trapped like this. This is anxiety fucking box.

There's no fucking air. Everybody wants to put the air down to 74. When you were in Vegas, you set the air condition. Notice it was fucking lying to you. Oh, was it really? Yeah, that's why you sweat. A fucking night in Vegas because it said it's 60, but it's really 89.

They don't fucking put the air. The Trump was cool. I don't, I didn't notice it there, but I fucking, as soon as soon as I get into a hotel, That's what I go for. I turn it into the cold as possible. Do you really? I fucking love it.

Me too. And they tell it's 55. This ain't 55. You want 55? I go down to 55 if I can. There's some hotels that go down a fucking 50. They're really 60. They always lie to you by 10 because they don't want to spend the fucking money.

They want to save. Like this office we went to the other day. They're like, we keep it at 74 all day. This California bits. Yeah. Seventy-old ain't going to do dick. It's not to be 90 in fucking July. What were you, I think maybe you were in Tennessee and it was last year.

Because when I went to Tempe, it was an older one where you couldn't do the temperature, but it's like high cool, low cool. And I turned it to high cool. I left it for fucking all day. And I woke up shivering. Oh yeah, in Arizona. Don't fuck around. But you did it once, I think, in your wife's family, and he started peeing on the floor.

And he fucking, I don't know, I think you said it on stage like once. And it'll fucking kill me for months. Like, he started like peeing around the world. from the bed. I'm fucking around, when it gets cold and I don't want to get up. That's what's mean to be fucking cold in the middle of the middle of that. I love it. I love being... The only way I can sleep is fucking freezing.

Yeah. I like putting a blanket on my head with that sleep apnea tube flowing out like a fucking... Oh, it's over your head? Oh, yeah. Oh, that freaks me out. I can't do that. I put the blanket over my head and how I breathe is with the sleep app to the tube. That's why I like it. Freezing. I want to... Do you put your foot out?

Not even close. Everything stays underneath. Oh, I have to have my foot. At least have one foot out, and my head's always out. You have that fucking Jew hamock sticking that. Kind of damn right. Sticking like a fucking... Pretty soon it's going to be summer. I mean, we're like slippers.

You're going to wear my yarmulke. You're going to wear no fucking slippers. You're going to bring hummus? I'm going to have to bring hummus to the new office. You're not bringing hummus to the new fucking office because I don't even want hummus. That's a no hummus. You know where I hear they have good hummus? Where?

In your asshole? Austin. Austin, Texas. They have no fucking hummus. They kill people eat hummus. Did you know that? They kill people who eat hummus. On site?

Go to Houston or Dallas. They'll kill you. I'll take you to Midland. You'll eat fucking hummus in Midland so you don't have a bullet in your fucking head. Before you even dip that chip in, it'll be like one of those Kennedy bullets that will fucking take you around.

You just fall, that's all you hear. And then you're sleeping fucking hummus, you fucking momol. I'll die happy. We're only eating at two places in fucking Austin. Papacitos and Papados. That's it.

I'm going to stand in line for 12 hours for that barbecue. You're going to go fetch it first. I'm going to go fetch it. I'm going to give you like 50. You're going to get nothing left. I'm going to eat all the brisket on the way back. You can't take a cab.

You can stand out of the line all fucking day. When you get back to the same thing you some potato salad, mac and cheese on a little brisket. I love potato. I tell him you're going to live like a doctor down there. The fucking papacitos is walking distance from the hotel. Okay. I don't play games. That hotel is great.

Do they have other stuff besides seafood stuff or no? I don't know. I don't ask questions. You eat what they fucking give you. They don't know what no restaurant just gives you anything. Bisk. Lobster. I know.

They got lobster biss. They got nice crab and shrimp salad. You don't have a steak? When I go to Texas, I want to have a fucking, I want to have a steak. Maybe. That just on them. I'm like, I want, if I ask for vegetables, they laugh at me and give me another fucking steak. Wait if I take you to popacitos and you call the girlfriend, tell her, fuck you and your mom.

Wait, I take you the poppacitos and you pick up the phone and go, fuck you and your mom. That ain't dick with you, motherfucker. Really? That's cat food. Oh, shit. All right. Well, you motherfuckers serve me as cat food. What do you get at Poppacitos?

Everything. The Tacitos al-Carbon way with some fucking rice and beans and a salad. Oof. You're in Texas, motherfucker. This is some Tex-Mex shit. I'm going to go to Chewis. We're going to get the Elvis chicken. On Wednesdays, the Elvis chicken on Monday.

It's the sour cream and whatever enchiladas. What are you fucking nuts? Nobody goes to chew. I'm going to buy your swirl margarita, Chewis. Your little ass. You're gonna wanna sniff a girl's asshole when I get through with you. You understand? No, no, no.

You have no idea. Uki-Spooky lives in Texas. Uki-Spooky is bringing one of her girls to fart in your fucking mouth. You're gonna take three farts to the mouth in Texas. One a night. You don't even know these things yet. You're going for the full gummy bear. We're gonna put a wig on here.

The fall. Fuck you. I did the full gummy bear once. It was the night of the Ari. That was the worst. You'll be fine. You're the toughest fucking nails. You understand me.

Don't worry about the Gumi bears or the sucky-sucky bears of the fucking I always know, it's just I always think about that shit how come I didn't get affected like that Like I'm sick and tired of hearing When I watch this MSNBC Yeah Everybody always has the same story

That they come from a broken bone home Broken bone They come from a broken home It's obviously only mind So let's break it down Broken home you didn't come from a broken home I mean your mom Past

Passed But you always had the people Like you were never on the street Like you were on the street But like you had the benders And you had those people Who were there for for you.

Right. So maybe they just didn't have that. Like, I mean, even though it sucks, like no one would want to have to live in the Bender's basement or with the Roneys,

no one would, I live in the Bender's basement. I had a nice little fucking bedroom with air conditioning and a cat. Yeah, no, no, no. There was no suffering. Okay. I could lie to you and tell you that,

you know, oh my God, I stuck in the basement, roaches crawling on top of me. I'm not going to tell you that. That's a fucking bullshit. I never had roaches crawling on top of me. The worst of guffing me was that night I snorted blow and woke up next to the dog shit.

That's for that. And that was bad. In my eyes, that was bad. But it's just, you know, I saw one shoot that Nico guy on 148th. And I always laugh about it. Like I said, when I was eight, I laughed the whole way home. I mean, when you see your stepfather shoot somebody, you're always like, God damn. You know, this is tremendous.

When you see your dad shoot somebody. Can you imagine you see a little scene? No. A little Dickie Syed shoot somebody at one of his fucking, uh, And nobody called the cops and nobody, you know, was that those type of days. You could shoot somebody and get away with it. Nobody's going to call the cops on you.

The people he shot, even the guy he shot never ratted him out. That's the word. That's what men do, bro. They go back with a gun or they shut their fucking mouth and live with it. Somebody shoots you at night and you recover. That dude who shot you knows, it's on. He's either got to face the music or he's going to leave town. If he's got balls, he's going to stay in town and duke it out with you.

He shot you already. The words on the street, he shot you. Now it's your move. People are going to look at you and go, is he weak? What, you're going to go back and shoot him? So why didn't he go back and shoot him? Because he was weak. Holy fuck.

First of all, anybody who has the balls to shoot you, you know there's no coming back. Some people could tell you a cock sucker. Some people could bit slap you. Some people could hit you with their car. Somebody who pulls out a gun and shoot you is at an all-time high of fucking craziness. Yeah.

Craziness. That's just fucking craziness. You know? Why didn't I have a gun? get affected. Like, I laughed the whole way home. I never told anybody that story. So I got into my fucking 40s on stage.

One wasn't proud of it. Like, he always had guns around, but, like, you said when you went back, you were like, remember when you shot that guy? He's like, I have no idea. I have no idea. He wouldn't cop to anything, even if you caught him. So it wasn't like the guy who has tattoos on his face. It's like, one's like this guy's being a fucking asshole.

And I got to, I got to stand up for myself. but it's not like he went over than to shoot the guy. One thing that Juan stressed that I'm really a fan of is Juan never wanted to let nobody know his business. Juan didn't have to let, you know, when this guy died and had millions of dollars,

not like he drove a Maserati and wore a suit every day. He didn't like that. I got that quality from him. You know, I look at Juan for a lot of negative things I learned from him. But God damn, he taught me a lot of positive things. You know, it's like the guy who talks money around. me in front of me.

It's fucking irritates the shit out of me. Some of you brags that they did this, or they flew the fucking Europe. You know when somebody's telling your story, and you know when somebody's talking shit and bragging. You know the difference when somebody's dropping names or they're fucking dropping money situations or what, you know. Juan, you couldn't get nothing out of lawn.

The cars he drove were pieces of shit. The car he drove until he died was the car he had when my mother died. No way. Yeah, and he still had bullet holes in it. There was two little bullet holes. and the side of big Coronado of El Dorado Coronado I think probably gets eight miles to the fucking gallon so what did he do you did what home and I counted the money he went home at night he lived when he died he lived in a fort store of an

apartment building that had no fucking elevator who he would walk four floors every day at 76 fucking years old do you understand me but he did that to keep himself sharp that was his way of keeping himself sharp he knew that if he moved they got to walk up those stairs when I was a kid he was a big exercise guy. He was always doing calisthenics. He was always, even at 50, he was always doing something like that. That's where I get that from.

I try to shun him off sometimes because of my inner things. I can't believe he did those things to me after my mother died, but I learned a lot from one. And that was one of the lessons was that empty barrels make the most fucking noise. To keep your mouth shut, go in the back, you don't have to show people, you have a

Cadillac, you don't have to show people water money, you don't have to have all this fucking, you know, as long as you know, baddest motherfucker in the room. That's all that matters. I used to fucking laugh at him how, you know, but no, I learned a lesson that he didn't say nothing to you, nothing.

He never opened up his fucking mouth. But I know by watching him and by how he dressed and how he got ready to go out at night, that when he was in the room in the back of his head, he was the baddest motherfucker in the room. And he always had to fucking prove if shit cracked up, he rose to it. And that's why he shot that dude that night.

I mean, that stays with me forever. And I love him for it. I love him for the experience. I love for the balls of it. He just had balls. It was over a fucking statement. He shot this man over a statement. And he wasn't drinking.

He wasn't arguing. He just looked at the guy. Went into the back room, got a 45, and walked out there and went, and the guy was still talking shit. And he shot him in the fucking leg. And we got in the car, and he threw the gun in the fucking Hudson River.

and we went home and it's like he it's like it never happened the next day it's like it never happened I'm still remember eating breakfast it's like it never fucking happened we just nah you know it was just a bad night we didn't discuss at the dinner table like I said years later 20 fuck 30 years later I brought up to a guy and he's like I don't know what you're talking about and I fucking die the laughter I'm like this is why I love this guy this is the and that's who I am that as much as I want to regret that I'm one in a lot of ways I really am this shit of getting up early, this is taught to me by Juan and my mother. I remember having summer vacations, and one summer, Juan bought a flower shop.

That's what he would do. He would just buy shit. Like, he would just buy a fucking business and learn about it as he went. And I remember him buying a flower shop and him going, I can't believe I can only sell flowers in the flower shop. So he would get summer kids. He would get kids that needed jobs. And me and him would go into the city at four in the fucking morning. Four in the morning, we were seven, six, eight, eight, eight.

those ages in the summers instead of fucking around with my friends I go with him pick up glaviolos the long flowers and pick up roses okay white ones long stems and then I had to take them back at four in the morning I had to de-stem them okay you had a fucking I learned how to de-stem roses when I was seven and eight bra bra you know I don't that's the work ethic this is why this shit doesn't surprise me but this is what I want instill in my door this is why I always take my daughter out first thing the daytime the show of the sun you gotta get going you go fuck.

You gotta get going. I want to instill this in you now because this is how it was instilled in me, you know? Pretty fucking interesting stuff how we do get a lot of stuff from our parents. Oh yeah.

That's fucking, and you always fight it, but you realize, like, I'm my mom and my dad. It's just, you can't fight it. But, uh, so did you sell the flowers?

Like, did you go out on the street corners and sell them? I think I did it once or twice. I was too young. He had other guys that went on 86th Street in Manhattan. And they would sell you, they would prepare bouquets and sell them to you.

I, I saw that in the early 70s done. And he used to do it outside of banks. He would go, as soon as they come out of the bank, everybody's happy. They want to buy something. So that's where they'll buy flowers for their wife outside of a bank. That's hysterical.

The happiest you are is when you cash a check. Oh, yeah. That's the happiest is when you catch you, when you get your fucking paper on your hand on a Friday. So he would always go, you got to catch him on their fucking happy. This guy was a criminal. This guy was in another jail. How the fuck that he knows how to market.

Yeah. He knows how to market. It's common sense. I love, ever since I started putting the pictures of the check on the receipt, I always get a receipt now. At the ATM, you can get a receipt with the picture of the check on it. I see what you're saying. I'm like, fuck you. I want to look at that.

What do you do? You just look at the check for a little long. Paula made fun of me for fucking days. When I'm in Vegas and I have my little bankroll, if I'm up, I'll cut that shit all night. I'll put in little piles. I'll count it. I'll spread it. I'll do like a little fan.

There's nothing I like more than playing with money. I love it. That's why that's what it means to be Jewish. Fuck yeah. Can't you wait to get a million fucking dollars and take a bath with singles? And then take a bath with 50s and rub them all over your asshole and your nutsack. When I was really young, my dad worked in the nightclubs and he was really successful. And I remember every day he would like, he would just have, he never had a wallet.

He would always have just like the folded. And my mom would go and he'd give her like a couple hundred bucks to do whatever she needed to do that. A Jew bankroll? They have a real bank. I think he had a real one. I mean, I never... No, Jew bank rolls, 300's over 100 singles to make it look big.

No, he... What he had was to get into his nightclub dances. It was five bucks. So he had like a thousand and five. Really? But it was just like... And he talks about it now. He used to carry thousands of dollars.

And it's just... It's not necessary. But you never feel better than when you have like a full wall. It's fucking... It's something that it shouldn't affect. you, but just, I don't know, I don't know if it's because I'm Jewish or what, but fucking, I mean, you don't, you carry a little bit of cash,

but everything now is credit cards. When, you know, it's really weird. I like to have cash. Yeah. Because I know about emergencies. Yeah, that's what I fuck up. You know, I'm always scared that there's an earthquake and they knock the central system off the fucking Bank of America

on the other bank, and everybody's account goes to zero. What the fuck are we going to do? What the fuck are we going to do? And that's going to happen. There's somebody's going to come up with that scam and just go, this is it. We're going to fucking... The bank systems and everybody's fucking money is going to go back to zero.

I don't want to think about that. And we're not going to know how much money you really have. You're not going to know. You're not going to have to go to the bank and fight them. I had $700,000. No, you didn't. You know, what the fuck are you going to do, Lee? This is going to happen someday.

It's going to happen here in L.A. during an earthquake. Yeah. It could happen anywhere else. They're going to blame it on an electrical shore. You don't see this coming. I see it coming. Well, I built my phone. Well, I built my fucking earthquake kit after the last couple things.

I spent like $300. Come on Amazon. I have two kits now. One's in my car and one's at home. What do you got in the car? I got a change of clothes. I got pants, like some, like gym pants. I got change underwear, change the socks, shirt.

I got something that will cut my seatbelt if it's, like, I need, if I can't, if it's jammed or whatever. I got a water bottle room. Where is the jammer for the? It's in my, it's in the bag. I actually have to put the bag in my car. They're both sitting because I just built them. I got a water bottle with a filter in it, so I could always just pour water into it if I needed to.

I got a flashlight. I got a bunch of D batteries. And then I just went on, and you don't know there's Nature Valley granola bars. I bought a box of like 96. I just put half in each bag. And I'm just ready to go. You ready?

I fucking, if there's a big one, because this has been a bunch of fucking big ones. What about my life? You got a big fucking. I should probably get a knife. You're not thinking. You've got a big knife. You might as well get a gun too, Lee.

You've got a couple fucking guns first. You know what I'm saying? You're at that age. You need a fucking 45 in a bazooka. You're Jewish. You never thought about having a fucking bazooka? No. You don't see those Jews in Israel

with the fucking bazookas and shit that's none of them one of your cousins? No, those are the fucking Palestinians. Those are little bit of the motherfuckers and shit there. But, no, I mean... What, Israel don't have bazookas. With all the money they got there? They have bazookas, but the people who are throwing it over the

borders or the Palestinians. Motherfuckers. There's a Tripoli's cousins. I don't want to talk about it because I always get yelled. They want to talk about this shit. With the Palestinians? Yeah. You like them?

I understand both sides are doing the wrong thing. But I mean, it's fucking, it's your home team. It's my home team is Israel, so I'm going to always support them more. I understand both sides are fucked up and they shouldn't be doing it.

But come on, you're sending missiles over the fuck. If Mexico was sending missiles over the border, you'd fucking, they'd fucking do stuff to Mexico. What happened to the fucking Israel flag? This is why this office didn't work out, got, got so. I'll bring it, the first thing I do, I'll bring the fucking flag with you. I told you from day one that the fucking flag was supposed to be it.

You get that little fart fee? A little fart, you just in your pants. No, it wasn't shit. My pants were just a little drop. What do you think I'm going to sit here with shit in my pants? How old the fuck do you think I am? What's the matter with you? What do you do? What do you do? If you were sitting there right now, did that fart and a little shit came in the way. It would fly the bathroom and throw my underways in the fucking toilet. That's what I was.

to wear it. Well, then I would throw my jeans on the toilet and sit here fucking naked for the rest of the podcast. I don't fucking know. You know when you're going to shit when you're going to fart. You know. You take a word for this? No, I don't want to. Take a word for this.

This is real. This is fucking shrimp cocktail with a salad last night. Oh, Jesus. Oh, I love some cocktail. But, oh, geez. You smell it now? No, I'm closing my nose on purpose. You know, I'm starting to smell more now since I stopped smoking pot.

Really? Well, that makes sense. I lost my sense of smell. man I can't believe I didn't smell a lot of shit now I could smell shit the house I could smell cat piss I could fucking smell it for years my wife can smell that I don't fucking smell nothing yeah I mean it makes sense that it would burn your nose hairs or something I'm I'm really sure I don't know what happened I don't know what the fuck happened the sense of smell just went the fuck away man I wish I you know I don't

know I don't fucking know nothing Lee I'm not a doctor now not what you got to do is you got to try to sniff an asshole maybe you'll be on my side. No, please. That's the sense. Listen, when you sniff an asshole or you go down to the woman, everything, your senses all open up.

You're excited. So you sniff everything, and that's the whole thing. Yeah, but if you had no sense of the smell, what do you mean? Can you imagine the girl's ass and it don't smell like a little bit of fucking something, wang to it?

That'd be amazing. No, it's got to, you don't want, when you eat pussy, you want to smell like skin and soap. Well, no, that's a little different. There's no shit in the pussy. And that little fucking dust comes out. You want that to have some wang?

There's dust coming out? I don't fucking know. I think you're doing it wrong. You got to have some wangering, don't you? Yeah, well, that's different. There's no shit coming out of there. Why are you so sensitive about shit? What's the matter with you?

It's not like you ate shit one day when you were a kid. No, I didn't. So then what's the problem with shit? You don't like eating pussy, nothing. No, I do. You're a nasty cock sucker. You know that? God damn right.

We watched Conair with Ricky at last night, and I love that Dave Chappelle line. Your breast smells like shit. He told me he loved me. Do you ever see that movie? What? Conair? Yeah.

What the fuck is wrong with you guys? Carnair. What's wrong with Conair? I don't know. I thought you guys would do something different. We did. No, we did a new one. We did Bringing Out the Dead.

Bringing Out the Dead's a good movie. Bringing Out the Dead's fucking a test. That's a great fucking movie. I haven't seen that in years. Did that get good reviews? No, apparently it bombed. It bombed. Yeah, yeah.

That's a good movie. You know what I'm doing tonight? What are you doing tonight? I'm going to meet the Rivera's party. Oh, shit. Water and Power downtown. Where you dropping names. No, he was on the podcast

And he called last night Do you want to go or you have a podcast this evening? I have a podcast What time is your podcast? Seven. That's what time the thing is. He's going to have a movie and food And he put a name on a tent

Oh shit And everything's fucking beautiful here. Who's this? What's this? Who's this? It's Ed Suarez. There's my brother. How are you, my friend?

Good, how are you? You're just waking up? See, I woke you up, Cocksucker. No, no, no. I've been up. You were up, jumping up and down last night with Glover, Tuxara, and shit. How's Baltimore, my friend? Baltimore is Baltimore, man.

And if you go two blocks away from where we're at, man, I'm scared. Really? It's the fucking wire. 2014. Jesus Christ, man. You know they shot somebody at the comedy club there? Did you know that? They shot somebody at the comedy club there. that's how fucking one

Baltimore doesn't fuck around even Anderson Silver would have a hard time in fucking Baltimore when they shoot somebody at a comedy club that's like shooting somebody of fucking Disneyland

Yeah exactly you know what I'm saying Who goes to Disneyland to shoot somebody That's a miserable cock sucker Who leaves a comedy club And shoot somebody That happened at that fucking club

there so That just goes to And I don't have no problems At Baltimore I think it's gonna be a fucking Great weekend For fights and everything Hey Suarez

How the fuck are You're a friend of the family I don't see you no more We don't talk. Oh, man. Everything's good, man. I've just been traveling quite a bit lately. You know, we had big dogs fight in Abu Dhabi,

and then now we got Glover's fight. We had Rafael Dosanjo's fight this past Saturday. So we've had April's been a busy month for us here. Let me ask you this. I know you flew home with George the other day. Your partner, the most interesting man in the world. He is the world's most interesting. man for sure.

Let me ask you something. What type of deal do you have with American Airlines? Are you platinum express also, platinum, whatever? He was telling me... Well, no, he's American. I'm united, man. Are you really... He told me he's platinum

something. He doesn't even... All he has to do is call, and don't even fucking answer the phone. They know he gets a free plane ticket or something. No, it's not... It doesn't get a free ticket, but he gets upgraded. Actually, he's got that platinum status on that.

American and I have the 1K status on United. 1K, fuck. I'm so far away from you guys and I fly every weekend. That's because you fly to Brazil and London and Dubai and shit. I don't know. I'm fucking traveling in this fucking country. That's it. Yeah, I'm United last year.

I hit a million miles. So now I'm a premier executive for life. Oh, my God. A million miles on one year. Jesus Christ. Listen, man. You and your partner, George, is some of the, or probably the best management team in M&A. You guys have Liotto and Anderson and Glover and Raphael, and you know, you got your little Brazilian mafia there and a couple of white guys.

That's the name of your motto. The Brazilian mafia and a couple of white guys. And it's no mistake, you know, you guys are champions. I mean, I've loved you since I met you. You're a successful dude. What's going on with Anderson Silver these days? I see him fucking hitting the movie tie punch him back. He looks beautiful.

No, he's doing good. I actually spoke with him last night. He's feeling good. Yeah, he's training. I mean, he's doing really, I haven't seen him in probably about a good six weeks. When I got back in town, or actually he was out of town, and then right when he got back in town, I had to leave town again, so I'll probably be hooking up with him on Monday. we're probably going to have breakfast.

I get home on Sunday from Baltimore, hopefully with that light heavyweight title around Glover's waist. Jesus Christ, there's going to be a great fucking fight. I don't even know who else was on the car, but it doesn't even matter. I watched the end of the whatever show last night, the countdown show.

I didn't even know Phil Davis and Anthony Johnson. I didn't even know Anthony Johnson was back on the UFC. That's how busy I've been lately. I'm like you, and I didn't know Tim Bush was fighting Luke Brockwell, but it doesn't matter compared to John Jones Glover. I mean, the guys won 20 fights in a row. I mean, you could see he's not fucking around. Now, he's focused, man.

I was with him yesterday, man. He's very focused, very relaxed, very confident. You know, he's had his eye on this prize for a long time, and he's just looking forward to getting him there Saturday night, and trying to take that belt back with him. You know, one thing I love him, I mean, this is just such a fucking perfect fight. This couldn't be written any better, the styles, you know, I can't wait to see, you know, John Jones is a wrestler.

He takes this motherfucker down. This guy could fucking submit you. You know, that's a difference. I mean, Vidor could submit you. I mean, Vito almost had John Jones, and I'm sure that you guys were looking at that tape and whatnot, but this guy's jujitsu, and he's a big guy, and he's a big guy, and he's strong. You know, I'm going to be sitting.

And he's very good. I mean, he made it to, I think he got third place in Abu Dhabi a few years ago. No, that's why I'm saying. I didn't even know he was an Abu Dhabi guy until about a month ago. I looked at his, I mean, this guy, you know, when you go to Abu Dhabi, you got to bring it. And John Jones has had a lot of accomplishments, but Abu Dhabi does something to your jih Tzu. It does something to your confidence. It's like me getting an HBO special, you know.

You just, it just bumps you up a level, you know. So I know that, I mean, I know that John Jones has gone up against every fucking formidable opponent in the 205 division. I mean, I mean, he's definitely a very complete fighter. You know, he, you know, Glover is a guy who, he's got good boxing skills. He's got heavy hands. He's got good wrestling. And his jiu-jitsu is very good. So, you know, he's definitely a complete fighter.

He's trained and he's prepared. to take the fight wherever it goes. So I think it's going to be a great fight, man. You know, once again, you can't disregard, you know, John Jones for his accomplishments. I mean, I believe this is going to be his seventh title defense, I believe. Yes. I mean, you know, that's the record for a light heavyweight champion.

So you definitely can't, you know, underestimate his accomplishments. But I think Glover is, you know, prepared and up for the battle. No, this is And it's funny Now he trained at America's top team If you watched the UFC last week America's top team Did very well

And I know that there's the Black House Chairman America's top team You have all these It's funny when I started watching UFC The big camp was Iowa You know That was the big camp It was militant fighting

Militch fighting systems And AKA was very big When I got into it You know They had the This is a big before Cain, you know, when they just had Cotchick, the one kid, and John Fick, and Mike Quicks-Swick. And now the tide is changed.

It's pretty much Greg Jackson's and an American Top Team. I mean, and that's why he trained an American Top Team, but he's still with John up into Kempo place, right? He's still going to... Yeah, yeah, well, yeah, well, he did his last couple camps at American Top Team, but, you know, Glover's kind of a little bit of a nomad. He travels around a little bit. You know, he likes to train that black coffee. He really likes California.

You know, the guys at the American Top Team were just a great set of guys over there. He's got good training there. But I know Deep Downside, he really likes California. And eventually, I think he'll probably be making most of his camps out in California. He just likes the weather better. He just likes California a lot better. Isn't Lyoto on here all right? also now? What'd you say? Is Leotto in California training also? Oh yeah, yeah,

Leota trains out of LA too. Yeah, we're trained to Black House. You know, it's amazing that if you live here and train here, I mean, you cannot lose if you really, there's no excuses. There's no excuses. There's such an abundance of training in Southern California. I mean, from, you know, the top people in the world or in the ground. I mean, you can get great boxing, get great new time. I mean, there's just a lot of options for a professional fighter in Southern California, from Los Angeles to San Diego. I mean, there's just, it's pretty much a hop bed of martial arts. Just in my neighborhood, just in the neighborhood where I run in Hollywood.

Justin Fortune is back with Pacquiao now. I think now he's got Miguel Cotto back over there or somebody else at the gym. I heard from McAfoli. Just if you were in Hollywood, you could do your strength and conditioning of Justin Fortunes, which is on Sunset and Gardner or Sunset and Sierra Bonita. Then you get in your car, and you go a half a mile of fucking Cabrignas,

where Verdum is at, and fucking Babelieu. And then from there, you go to fucking the boxing guy. Right up the corner is fucking Pachial's boxing guy, that little gym. Oh, Roach. Roach.

That's in a two-mile radius. That's not talking about 10th Planet. That's not talking about Gracie Barron, on whatever. That's not talking about Blackhouse. That's not, and that's only in L.A. That's only in L.A. Yeah, and then you start moving south, and then you've got, you know, you've got Blackhouse

in the South Bay, then you've got, of course, the Gracie's right there in Torrance, and you've got King's M.A. Then you've got Mark Munoz is down at rain. Then you've got Alliance down in San Diego. That's right, Alliance is in San Diego. I mean, it's just, even if you look up here, I'm in the Valley. In the valley, you could train at Vinny Curdell's place for your hands, and you could shoot over to John Jock.

All within, it's all within a few miles. Yeah. I mean, the valley. And then the valley, they got that Glendale train where Rhonda Rousey train. We're Rhonda Rousey trains. We're not going to help down the block from the Hall of Fame Museum. Who's the Benny the Jet? We're right around the corner from Bennett of Jet School.

My office right now, our office for the church. is right around the corner from Benny the Jet School. That's how fucking... Benny the fucking Jet teaches kickboxing, two blocks from here. The old... I'm maybe 150 yards from GoCorp. It's where it all started. You know where 150 yards from GoCore.

Right in that area. Yeah. They have the Black Belt Hall of Fame. Right from walking distance from where I live is Valley Martial Art Supply. That's where GoCore. calls in the afternoons and asks us, what's his name? Gene LaBelle is in there in the afternoons.

Gene Lebelebele. That's the oldest martial arts supply school in fucking California. Bruce Lee used to go there. Right there on Lancash and Boulevard. It's a little school next to it. It's a little shop next to a Kempo school where they don't teach, they teach in Spanish at Suarez. That's how fucking, that's how different the valley is.

The guy teaches in Spanish only, Kempo Karate. He's one of Ed Parker's guys. But he's a Mexican dude and just teaches. It's amazing. It's amazing what's available to you now, if you really want to fly through the fucking air and beat people up in the octagon at Suarez. That's it.

I thought to do it. You've still been training at Suarez? No, man. I don't train. Any more? Once in a while, I'll put a gie on and go train at the Gracie's, but not very often. You look good.

You're looking thin. You look good. I saw you in the countdown show with your man, Glover, and you look good. You look healthy. Oh, thanks, man. No, you got a busy fucking summer. You also got a machida fighting our boy.

Yeah, we got machita fighting Wyden. And on top of that, we got the RFA. You know, we got our next RFA. It's going to be in June 6th in L.A. And then it looks like, you know, we've got just this summer, June, we've got two RFA events. July, we got one in August. We got one's a wolf.

four events over a three-month span there for the RFA too on top of all the fights. Now, let me ask you this, the RFA's. Where are the ones in June? Because I know you have them. I'm out of town, but I like to go to one of them and sit there and fuck around with you for a few hours. Yeah, June 6th is going to be in Culver City. I'm in Utah.

I'm in Utah. I'm in Utah that weekend. Where else? Okay, and then June 27th, right now, it looks like we're going to be going to either St. Louis. or possibly Utah. We're just looking around for June 27th, and then July 25th will be in Denver,

and then it looks like August 22nd. Most likely we're going to be coming back to coming back to Los Angeles again. Okay, so I'll leave that date open, so I go down there and fuck around with you guys. That's tremendous. That would be awesome. Now this RSA, what kind of league is this?

It's still an octagon? Yeah, it's still an octagon, man. And that's, you know, basically where, you know, the developmental organization for the USC, we went out there and we licensed the Octagon because I wanted to kind of emulate and get these guys prepared to move up and do the UFC as, you know, as best as possible. And we're actually doing a pretty good job of it. I mean, last night I was counting how many guys we've put in the USC. We've done about 14 shows. And I believe we've put 13 guys in the UFC.

Jesus Christ I mean listen Your management team You know It's a champion management team You guys have had champions And a couple different weight divisions What does it entail to be a good manager

Let these people know what I mean obviously you got the best Ed Yeah You know what at the end of the day man I believe you just You just got to be solid man You got to be a man of your word And you know

When guys are looking for management You got to trust your manager I mean, I think at the end of the day, you have to have that sort of a relationship. It's a lot of hard work. You know, people say, what do you do as a manager? I mean, it's almost kind of like, it's almost easier to say what we don't do. I mean, you know, it goes from, I mean, you name it as a manager, we do it. You know, I mean, from, you know, everything, from personal stuff to business stuff,

to coordinating their, you know, help coordinate their training, where they're going to train up, you know, when they travel abroad to train, you know, all the logistics. I mean, it's a lot of things. And then we're talking about negotiating contracts going out there and looking for sponsors. And a lot of our fighters are being foreign fighters. When they come to the United States, it's much different than having, you know, an American fighter here. And, you know, the guy who has a fight in the UFC. You send them to the USC.

He does all that. but we kind of have to be there by their side, help translate for them, and kind of navigate them through the weekly obligations that come up when you're fighting on a show like the UFC. Now, do you guys manage Chow Magalice? Kyle Magalini? No, no, we don't manage him. But he's really good friends with Glover, and he's a good friend of ours,

but we don't actually manage him now. last week. Yeah, he looked good. Oh, my God. And it was the saddest thing from a different perspective because the guy he fought fucked up.

He made his family come. They put on T-shirts. They brought the baby. They had a headband on the baby. The whole neighborhood was there. And that Chal Magalese came out like a fucking cannonball. I mean, that's all like the day.

He came out like a savage one. He came out like a fucking savage that they, you know, like when you go for your unemployment check on the fifth or your welfare check, it ain't there. When you leave that office, you're going to stab a motherfucker because you already had plans. You had the crack pipe ready. Yeah.

That motherfucker, they must have told them something. Like, they must have whispered in his ear. This guy wants to fuck your girlfriend in the ass because he came out of it and just punched this guy. And this guy... I think what they told them is they said, man, if you don't win this fight, you're going to end up uglier than you already are.

And he said, there's no way in hell I can do that. And he went out there and knocked the dude's head off. He came out and he had the guy, he punched him, and I felt so bad for the guy. Because then the guy kept looking at his family. He was so embarrassed for them. He came thinking like, why did I bring him here to watch me get beat up? But the funny thing was like his brother was a redneck and he kept yelling at the ref. Ref, he still had a chance.

Why did you stop it? Well, because your fucking guy was getting punched in the fucking head 50 fucking times. He saved his life. Take the beat and go home and enough. Next time, don't get fucking shirts. Now you got to walk out of the arena with those shirts on, and your boy fucking got beat up. That's why I don't wear fucking shirts.

Fuck you. Fuck you. That's a lot of pressure, man. I've never had to do that, but I'm imagining that would be a lot of pressure, man, to walk out your hometown and fight on a space like the USC. I mean, I would think, you know, I guess it just depends where you look at it,

but I mean it would be nice. nice to have that a little bit of a hometown advantage, but I would also think that the pressure would escalate quite a bit, you know, knowing that you're fighting in your hometown with, you know, all your friends and family there watching their lives. I don't know, like I said, I've never fought, so I can tell you what it feel like,

but I'm just imagining it would probably be pretty intense, you know? You know, the other morning when we got on the plane with George and Redoom and a bunch of people on the plane, just about when I went to sit down Joe Rogan looked over at me real quietly and he goes I would never want to be a fucking fighter you know

and I didn't even ask him why I just put my earphones and thought about it and you have no idea this you know I read a bunch of articles about people badmouting like GSP you know because of his decision to step away and whatever personal problems he had

and it's they have no idea I bet you the first time and and lost that time. When he got in the car at one point, he goes, thank God, it's over. Thank God. Thank God, this pressure is over. It does.

I mean, it's, you know, people have no idea of the sort of pressure. They have no idea what sort of pressure because at the end of the day, this sport is a very cruel sport for the fighters, you know, you know, you look at a guy and, you know, he gets knocked out, It's the worst feeling in the world, but, you know, it's almost like that thrill,

because, you know, you know that every time you walk into that octagon, you know, you have a chance to make history, you have a chance to have an incredible fight, you have the potential of that, and when you do, it's one of those greatest feelings in the world. You know what I mean? I mean, like I said, I've never thought that I've made that walk so many times with Anderson and with Leoto, with no care with all the guys that I've made that walk with. I've had some incredible moments. You know, I mean, when I look back at my career as a manager,

I sit back and I think, wow, man, I mean, some of the most, you know, some of the most memorable moments in mixed martial arts being on the good side and on the bad side, I've been involved with Anderson Silva, knocking out, Rich Franklin, with, you know, Nogaris submitting Tim Sylvia with Liotto knocking out Rashad Evans. but I've also been on some of the most devastating moments when, you know, Anderson breaking his leg, the way he broke it, things like that.

So, you know, I've had, I've been on one side of the fence and I've been on the other. And, you know, and people, people can say what they want, but until you're right there in that moment, you know, it's a pretty intense feeling. You know, it's really weird. He also made a statement, tell me that when we sat down and I got mad the other day with,

Me and Lee, Lee's the co-host. Say hello to Ed Swares. Hey, yeah. We were talking about... Hey, how's it going? Rogan said that when he does comedy and he gets in his car, that the Twitter is very positive.

That when he does a podcast and he gets in his car, that the Twitter feed is very positive. He goes, I hate doing the fights because the night after the fights, I get a thousand tweets. People call me a faggot or saying that I said something wrong

or that I favored this guy. And one thing I've always hated, Ed, is people who get so involved, in sports. You know, it's like I was in Boston. I'm at the bar. I just took 200 pictures with people. And some guy comes up and he's like, hey man, you had Herb Dean on the show.

How can you do that? That guy is making the worst call. I'm like, oh, whoa, it's a fucking Saturday night. And I could tell this guy had been thinking about this for three weeks. He had been thinking about this for three weeks. You know, and I looked at him at first and I go, you were fine? Oh, no, I'm just a

fan, you know. Jesus fucking Christ. Don't you owe fucking money on your credit cards, go fucking pay them. That's what you should be worried about. The fuck are you worried about whether Herb Dean made a good call? I watch a fight. It's over. It's fucking over.

You know, I can't imagine. But those are the people that drive me fucking crazy. When I put on the Twitter and there's people saying, look at fucking New England. They picked this guy in the third round. They suck. Are you fucking serious? I guarantee you got a wife with a tremendous pussy.

And you're worried about the fucking New England Patriots, third round draft pay. and then you're probably completely wrong about what the fuck you're saying there's better things to worry about in this world but unless you walk the steps who the fuck of you to fucking open your fucking mouth about Anderson Silva

or BJ Penn or the only thing I get mad at about fighters is when they don't go in there and even if they lose they fought their heart out when fucking Machita lost John Jones he still beat that's the only round John Jones ever lost correct

well and that's the best of Yeah. Yeah, until then, yeah, then to Gustafin. But Machita made a fucking statement. He didn't go in there and do the same shit he does, gets winded. You know, that's when I get mad at a fighter. When, you know, the same way of you came to see me yet after a year, I was saying the same fucking joke.

You go, Joey, nothing happened in your life in the last year that you still have the same fucking 20 minutes. Nothing happened. So that's, I just want a fighter to evolve. Every time I see Machita, he evolves. Every time I see Jacer Ray, he evolves. Every time I see fucking Anderson, he evolved. That's the only quorum to have.

And that's what I've learned from M&A. That's what made me a better comedian because I'm like, that fucking guy is fighting again with that same fucking move. He's going for that same one leg that hasn't worked in 20 fucking years. That's what he worked on during the last eight-week training camp. So I know he hasn't worked.

That's the only time I get mad when I see that the lack of effort. And sometimes, you know, these guys work on all these new things. and then all of a sudden, you know, the old, I was Tyson, I said everybody has a plan and then they get hit in the face. And that sometimes happens to, you know, a guy's a wrestler, a guy's a wrestler who's working on his stand-up skills, but the minute he gets rocked, he's going to go back to what he knows,

and that's wrestling. And sometimes that happens, too, but that's the great thing about this sport is that you never really know what can happen. You know, the only guarantee is that there's no guarantees. And you move left when you shouldn't move right, and it's going to be a fucking short night for you. And that's what makes it all the fucking excitement in the world. Exactly.

That's what's exciting about it, is that, you know, at the end of the day, you know, I remember before Verdun fight against Travis Brown, I was watching it from home, and it said that 85% of the fans thought that Travis Brown was going to win that fight. 85%. And you never seen a book? with a part-time job. Right there, you call your bookie and go lay everything I got on fucking Redoom

because the general public's wrong 70% of the fucking time. How's that one for you? That's the easiest way you want to gamble. Just go on Twitter and go, who does everybody like tonight? And when they all lean to Travis Brown, go, I'm betting the other way, even if you just take a chance for 50 bucks. I knew somebody was going to lose. I didn't know.

I thought Cowboy was going to have a hard night. He fought a great fight. I thought that, you know, I knew that the, the, the Karmooch, Misha Tate fight, I almost fell asleep three times. And usually I'm sitting there waiting for Misha's fucking pussy to pop out. This time I fell asleep from the fucking boring fest. You know, Misha Tate's got some body.

I love it of death. She's a great fighter, but Jesus Christ, she's got the best body in the fucking world. I wouldn't mind, you know, I don't even want to say. Yeah. No, yeah, it was, that fight was a little bit. And, you know, and a lot of people were complaining about that decision. They were thinking that,

that with Karmouche won that fight. You know, I have to go back and... I have to watch it also. I thought Karmouche won the first round for sure. I thought the second round could have went either way. And I thought the third round, third round was definitely Misha Tate. So it was one of those things where, you know,

that's what happens when you're leaving the judge's, you know, hands. Sometimes you don't get the knob that you were hoping for. I even read on Google that Misha Tate thought she lost. Misha, the reason why I didn't watch the Misha Tate fight was because I had people getting up. I was sitting at the end. I had those Joe Rogan tickets that are tremendous, but I had people getting up every fucking thing to get alcohol. Then they get up to pee in between the fights.

I don't even know why they went to the fucking fight for. So finally, during the Misha Tate fight, I said, fuck it. And I walked upstairs and I sat at the bar and I watched the fucking last fight from there. Because once that last punch is thrown, I'm out of there. I don't want to get stuck on the bottom floor in place, you know. So I got the fuck out of it. At Suarez, I will see you at the way in. All right.

Well, neither. And you have a show Friday night? Friday night? I think it's sold. I'm not sure. But listen, man, you're one of my favorite people in the world. And I don't see you much, and I don't talk to you much at time. We talk on the phone.

But I'm always really proud of you. And I like you and your partner came up to me the other day because we walked to the plane together. We lost Rogan, and we walked to the plane together. And I go, I got to get something to eat because I don't know if the plane's, the food's going to be good. So I got a Cuban sandwich, and I went to get them. They had all this Cuban stuff, and I wanted to get Georgia Cuban coffee. Ooh, and the people had no fucking Cuban coffee. I couldn't believe they had cute.

So I started talking to the lady in Spanish asking him, when I got away, George's eyes were huge. She goes, you talk Spanish very good. Why aren't you an announcer for Bellator or something? I'm like, I can't fucking, I got no good eyes. I can't see nothing. But it's amazing when I talk Spanish in front of people. They lose their fucking mind.

They think that only bad words come out of my mouth. and also some dealing with the fucking oh yeas and uh but that's it it's always a pleasure to be around fucking winners brother that's it man in this in this world especially us living in california you gotta be able to speak Spanish man bro if you don't know how to speak Spanish in this world you're

fucked you're fucked in the next 20 years you gotta teach your kids arabic and Russian you know it's funny in school man I never opened my Spanish book man because I spoke Portuguese So most of the time, 95% of the time when the teacher say, how do you say that? If I didn't know, I'd say it in Portuguese. And she says, yeah, that's close enough. That's good.

It's amazing. Spanish is fairly easy for me. When Brazilians say cowlid, it's govaji, you know, and it's so similar because in Spanish, it's goad. You know, it's the same fucking, it's like when you listen to somebody's Sicilian. When you're Spanish and you hear a Sicilian talk, you got this motherfucker. Because every three words is a Spanish word. La Cancionetta is a fucking song A canciona is a song

Cancionetta is a fucking Italian song So it's amazing when you know Spanish And you hear Sicilians talking You know every third word You pick it up It's the same thing with Brazilians When they're around me I could always pick up

Three or four fucking words here or there But uh... Yeah It seems like I You know Like I said I spoke Portuguese first And it seems like a little bit of an easier Transition from speaking Portuguese

and trying to pick up Spanish. Like, for instance, I could speak Spanish pretty good when I go to Mexico, but, like, sometimes if I'm watching, like, a Spanish television, sometimes I'll get lost because they're speaking too fast and I can't understand everything. But, you know, Portuguese, I understand everything fluently, but Spanish TV sometimes, you know, I'll get a little bit lost when they start speaking real fast.

So, in other words, you could buy Valiums in Mexico, but I can never put you on Spanish Jeopardy. exactly you'll never be on fucking Mexican jeopardy that's what you're trying it's fast you gotta when you watch telemundo you gotta pay attention no motherfucker I don't think I'll be on any jeopardy especially not in Spanish I love you Ed Suarez with all my heart uh I'll be there with you I'm wishing you all the best with Glover I mean if anybody deserves it he's a sweetheart of a fucking guy sweetheart of a fucking guy man sweetheart of a guy with you you know when you shake his hand you can't even believe

he's a fighter. I mean, that's how sweet he is. Until you look at his fucking ears, he has this weird warmth. And you know it's funny because I've been reading how, you know, Chuck says he's going to knock out whatever, and then John Jones answered back, you know,

whatever his name is. I miss that motherfucker fighting. Do you know that? I miss Chuck Liddell? I fucking miss him. My favorite has always been Anderson Silver, but a tight second has always been Chuck Ladell. He's the reason why I went Kempo Karate.

I love Chuck Ladell. I love everything. You know, I would see him for years. I would never say a fucking word to him. Never, never. And then one time him and I got put in a weird predicament, and I just told him how I felt. And now he always says hello.

I always told him that I had your poster on my fucking wall for a few months, Cucksucker. And he looked at me and giggled, and I miss Chuck Lidale. So hopefully he'll be at the fight, too, jumping up and down. I'll see you. I'll see Machita.

there hopefully all the boys are there my friend yeah actually machido machita's actually taken after Brazil he had to go uh he had to go uh there's a um uh Arnold uh trade show out there for supplements um Rio so he has to go out there and make an appearance for his supplement company sponsor Jesus fucking Christ no Machita in Baltimore now I don't feel safe no more you know what I'm saying as muchita was there that I know black people won't fuck with me because black people love karate you know what I'm saying? Yeah

Black people love karate So they love you fucking walk around with Machita black people like whoa Don't fuck with that motherfucker I love you I'll see you Thursday night I'll call you as soon as I hit the hotel All right sound good man

Thank you for calling in brother Good luck this Saturday I love you Hey man take care I love you guys too man There you go Fucking great guy Man, very lucky to have them. It's true, man.

Sometimes if you hang out with people like that, you get little things from them, like, in the sense of... You can't lose when you hang out with people like that. When you have people like that around you. I've called that a thousand times and asked them for advice, even like Hollywood advice, because management is management. You know, you care. You care the extra mile.

So I've called him, and he doesn't know the answer. He's called me two days later with a fucking answer. You know, he's probably had a contact. his attorney. He paid $200 out of his pocket, but he's done me the favor. So I have the utmost respect for a good manager. Him and his partner are fucking great. And I wish, I like John Jones. I like John Jones.

I like John Jones on the person. I love him. I mean, I'm not saying nothing bad about him. I think this is going to be a great fight. I think everybody should fucking watch it. That's how I feel. A million miles in a year. That's fucking crazy.

A million miles. That's George Clooney type shit. Yeah, that's up in the air. Oh, my God. Let me give some shout after a quick up in the air. Okay. Go for it. Okay.

How are you doing? Ivan B, I love you, cocksucker. Shane Plan B, who loves you? Renee Dillon, Robert Bueno, Lance Armstrong, Jr., Gerardo, Ramirez, Darren Jones, Edgar Loyer, you cocksucker. I'm my favorite Puerto Rican Norberto. Happy birthday, whatever the fuck it is in your life today. Also, I want to give a shout out to one of my favorite sponsors of all time.

On It, Onit.com. Go check out on it. You want to get healthy, go check out on it. I'm going to give Lisa Malf a Brain today for his walks. Lee, you got to smoke some dope. I'm going to give you a joint. I'm going to get your little joint. I want you to roll a joint.

Okay. Take a light and take two hits like this. And then put it out and then go for your walk. Okay. And you're going to call me and go, Joey, I love you. I just thought of 18 fucking things. Because between the sun's positive energies, you walking, making positive for yourself and the reefer, you can't lose. Bring some water with you.

And every day, you got your iPod, right? Got it. You got your phone. You got those Jews jumping up and down. Oh, yeah. They should motivate you. And then after a few, four weeks are walking. You're going to walk four times a week this week.

That should go. Four days. One with Paula. I'm not seeing her this beginning. Sadly, when you get up, no more fucking Denny's. We've got to go for a 30-minute walk. Then we walk to Denny's. Get everybody involved.

We make this a family. We can show them that. Show her that you're walking. She'll say to you first leave. What's wrong with you? Then if she don't want to go, you go by yourself. And they know that you're the man. Oh, you'll be proud of me.

She's going to a fucking Lonide-Dill-Rae, and I said, have fun with your cousin. You're going to? She's going to the same concert, but in L.A. This time. and I said have fun with your cousin. She's going to stand out there for 12 hours. She's going to get there at 10 in the morning. That poor girl.

She loves it. I couldn't do it. You're like, you're saying. No. Your cousin, I'll bring you water. That's what I said. I said, I'll pick you up afterwards for dinner. No, no, no, just bring you water on line.

Get out of it. Bring them water. I got those two hits, ecstasy. Give my head to exercise. Let me jump up and down. What's the name of the chick she's going to say? Lana Del Rey. Oh, Jesus.

They're fucking crazy. Oh, Jesus. Twelve hours. I can stand out. 12 fucking hours. Before, yeah. All right, Onit.com.

Maybe you should give her some fucking alpha brain. And maybe she won't stand online for 12 hours like I'm on a look at the age. She loves it. Onit.com, go over there. They got the Shroom Tech. They got the alpha brain. They got the strong bone.

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They got a money back guarantee. If you want me to sit here and break down the mushrooms and the amounts and the sodium, I got no fucking idea. What I do know is it works. Go to honor.com or go to joey dears. Dot net. Look at my fucking schedule. I added Vegas on there July 18th with Steve Simone.

Go to honor. Go to joey deers. Dot net. Look at the honor. What are you put in there? Church. You get 10% off. Look into that on it, stay on it program.

They mail them to your house directly on the first of every fucking month. You're going to leave the house. You're going to put up with that shit. It's like Dollar Shave Club, the best. Let me tell you some. I shaved yesterday morning with Dollar Shave Club again. And as I was doing it, I was like, Jesus fucking Christ, this is smooth. And it's the weight.

And not when you buy a plastic one, you can't really control it. It's the way that that I fucking, it's like having a dumbbell. So the weight fucking shaves you so close. But that's not why you get. Everybody has a good razor. I'm not going to lie to it. The RELCO, they all have a good razor. You know what the difference is?

Dollar Shave for him delivers him to your fucking house. That's customer service. That's what we talk about. You either get the $1 program, the $6 program, or the $9 program a month. From 9 to for a year is what? 9 times 12, whatever the fuck it is. $12 times $1 is fucking $12 a year to shave.

You're not paying. Time is of the essence. I'm 51. I don't want to spend it in traffic. That's my fucking solution. Time is everything. Why not have to raise a delivery house? You want to go to some pharmacy and stand online?

Fuck that shit. You've got better shit to do. Go to fucking Joey Deahis.net. Go to the dollar shave club box and press. Church. Boom. There you go. Church.

C-H-U-R-C-H. You're going to get the best raises on the market delivered to your fucking house. You're going to have to leave the house. Hulu Plus, motherfuckers. Again, I got to go through this shit with you people. I got to go through this shit where you get. $7.99 a month.

$7.99 a fucking month. Two weeks for free. Not one week when you go on the web page. Two weeks. Gratis. On the fucking arm. Go to Hulu Plus and press what? Joey.

Joey. J-O-E-Y-Y. You get the best fucking shows on there. You can binge watch. You can take the day off. Get a big bag of weed and watch everything all in one day from fucking

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of what's happening now. You get you to talk to a Portuguese person more often. You're all fired up. I've been fired up. It's Wednesday. You know, Wednesdays, I don't want people... Please. Monday, you can do whatever fuck you want. You should be motivated on your own.

By Wednesday, your positivity levels go down. You know, you got bad news. Somebody fucked to you. Somebody did this, somebody did that. So Wednesday and your next little extra push, that's what I'm here to give you. Who gives a fuck? You go out there the same way you went out there on Monday and let shit roll over your head. Let them know

you're going to knock their wig off and come on their fucking bald head if they fuck with you. That's how we do it here, Lysay. At the church. So you need to start wearing a hat now. You need to start wearing a hat now. I don't want to You know, you never fucking rub come on your head, the woman's come. No. Take that pussy and rub it on your head.

That's better than that shit that grows hair. Your finger-banger chick with the leaks onto your hand. That little juice you massage on your hand. And you hit your little ball spot there. And a week, you look like fucking Michael Jackson. You have hair coming out from Mary Orifice. You understand me? Why are you looking around for?

I'm not looking around. What are you going on today? What are you doing today? Gotta fucking go home and deal with this packing and stuff now. and then I got a Josh 12 and 7. You have to pack today because you ain't moving right now. So you're going for a walk first. Oh, yeah.

Let's put the immediate in the front. You're not leaving for a week, even if you get an apartment a week. So relax. The first thing I do is go home is go home, have a nice little fucking breakfast, a little protein shake or something. The juice, yeah. The juice, and then go for a nice little half, 20-minute walk, 30-minute walk.

Clear my mind a little bit. Clear my mind a little bit. And then you call the police and you do what you got to do. You're playing crime stop, or you make your fucking statement. Tell me you ain't paying for shit. you didn't hit the car. It's your word against his. Did you see him do it? No. Then who the fuck are you, you know, I don't hit nobody office.

You want to check my police record? Here's my Social Security. Do a background check. I'm not in for this shit. I'm not paying and I'm not fucking going to file a claim of my insurance company. Fuck him. Fuck him. And stick to your guns, Lee. Don't take shit from nobody, Lee. I don't give a fuck. You're right. You're right, Lee. It's not like you're a piece of shit like me or nothing. You're a nice American, Jewish fucking kid. God damn right. Okay? You pay your taxes. You never rob nobody. They've never done nothing for nobody. You stick up for yourself. You didn't hit this motherfucker.

Look me in the eye. I didn't. Then fuck them on. Fuck them all in the ass. Tell all state to suck your dick to send a president of the United States to give you a check for insulting you. I do have to call the post office

because they lost my fucking tax check. It's fucking sitting in Baltimore for some reason. So I've got to call them today too. Where's the address? It's in fucking San Francisco. I'll end up in Baltimore. I don't know. Thank God I got tracking on it.

Cancel the check and send another one. And move on with your fucking life. Remember, if you stop the check, you're redo it in 30 days. because they can still bang it. That's why I don't want to do that. I was going to call them and see if they're going to send it back or something. And that's it.

That's all I got. I've always fucking in the ass. Oh, for people who are out, since I'm moving, I have one more week of shirts, and then I'm going to stop it for a little bit. So if you want one, go to Lee Sciott.com. If not, I'll bring them back in a few weeks once I move. Get it together. You can't stop them.

You got to keep mail on. So forget that shit. You can't shut down. There's no shutting down. I saw that last night. You can't shut down. You can't just shut down, leave for a week. Got to keep moving.

But I don't want to leave these people hanging. You're not going to leave them hanging. You're going to mail them. You don't have nothing to do in the daytime league. You have so much fucking time. So much fucking time in your day. Yeah. What are you talking about?

Not really. You leave here at 8.30. You got till 10 o'clock tonight to do something. How long do you think it's going to take a walk, call? You're done by lunchtime. No. Yeah. I got a lot of shit to do today. We're looking at all.

We're looking at all. I'm going to call. go look at one more office. That's it. You got to go for a walk. What else? Put the priorities. Okay. I'm going for a walk. Right. Calling insurance and the cops. Right. The cops. I have to call the police I'm looking

at tonight. Right. Yeah. And I got, I have fucking Joshbow at seven. That's 12. You got seven hours to kill. You got seven hours to sit there. While I'm moving, I don't want to leave these people hanging. You're not going to move. It's only taking one day to move. You got a bed in the fucking town. You got two hours in your day to me. Don't

ever shut nothing down. You're in operation. Business is shut down because they're going to move now. Yes, they do. No, they don't. They have moving sales and they fucking shut down for a little bit. No, they don't. They keep fucking going. They keep the hope alive.

You just can't stop because you're moving. You think you've got this busy day, but most of your day you're sitting on that fucking bed on the computer. I know this. Well, yeah, but that's what you've got to. No, those days are done with. You're going to move all fucking day from now on, Doug. Those days are done with. This is all part of the new fucking league.

This is all part of the new league. You give yourself a lot of time to relax, Lee. A lot of time. to relaxes. Too much. Well, it's not relaxing. You're single. You don't see your girlfriend in the daytime. You don't have a cat. You don't have a dog. You're nothing. You ain't that fucking busy. You gotta get on it.

That's it with the fucking stories. No more in bed throwing fucking M&Ms up in the air and eating them like a fucking thing. I know you. You're going to keep selling shirts. You've got to keep moving forward. You're going to fill your days from that one. No more sitting at a fucking house. You're 25 years old. At 25, I didn't have a

fucking house. I didn't even watch TV at 25. I didn't even know what baseball was. I don't know when the 20s. Somebody told me the Twins won the World Series. I don't fucking know in the Twins won the World Series. You're 25. There's no more TV in your life. Do the computer and what you've got to work.

It's over. Boston Red Sox don't put money in your pocket. Near this fucking half these fucking moot shows you watch. You sit there all day like a fucking moot. You're going to keep selling shirts. You're going to keep digging and you're going to keep walking. This is the new league. You lived a certain way till you're 25.

Now the next 25, you'll live like a fucking savage. Enough is enough. You're a young man. And this goes for all you young motherfuckers out there or your PlayStation and your bullshit. If you're not getting your dick sucked at 25. At 25, I didn't even know what a fucking couch was or a bet. And I wish, in my heart, I was trying to be funny with you dumb motherfuckers.

I really wish in my heart I was trying to be funny. I slept three hours a fucking day, and that's when I wasn't doing blow. Do you understand? When I was doing blow, there was no sleep. What is this, that you're tired, that you don't feel good? I don't even get your high in the morning no more. You want to go home and sleep, because you stayed up all night like a fucking mook worrying about a car you didn't do. You didn't do nothing.

Well, it's funny. Go home, take a walk. It takes three years to get that off of your thing. Take a shower. You didn't do nothing. So it's what three years are you worried about? Knock it off. You didn't do nothing.

I know. It's your word against them. You call the cops, you go, I didn't hit this guy, and I'm not paying. Then you call law state and you go, look, I don't know what this fucking guy's talking about. I got the proof right here. As a matter of fact, I'm feeling dizzy from this because I'm Jewish. I don't like being accused. My fucking, my culture has been accused for fucking 2,000 years.

You know what? I'm getting dizzy. I'm going to go to a hospital. I think I'm having a heart attack. And then you're going to sue for fucking damages because it caused you to have a heart attack and they get dizzy. I know how to be a Jew. If you're going to be a Jew, when until he starts getting notices from a hospital bill

that you fucking had fainted and you're getting flashbacks of Vietnam, he's not a teak. I don't think Lee fucking hit me with the car. I thought it was some other fucking Jew walking around. That's it, Lee. These last 25 years you lived them this way and now you're going to live like a fucking savage. We're going into the Jew army. That's it. We're going to make the Jew army.

Lee's going to have his own film festival. The church of what's happening now film festival. Oh, yeah. We're planning some stuff for January. Fucking submissions, comedy shows, comedy and live panel fucking podcasts. We don't get invited to do nothing. We're going to make our own motherfucking festivals.

And we're doing the fucking tour across New Jersey. We're going to start in northern New Jersey. We're going to do a podcast on a Wednesday night in middle New Jersey. And in the weekend, we're going to just go to different fucking bars. We're going to post it on Twitter where we're at at 5 o'clock. You got three hours to get there, bitches. That's how we're doing it in 2000, the end of 2014.

So your days are resting. There's no more resting. There's no more resting. Who's resting? You sleep when you're dead. Well, get a little bit of sleep. You're going to be a fucking soldierly. I'm putting you into a lean, mean,

slinging dick machine. You understand me? You're a Jew. You're a fucking Jew. You're a fucking Anglo walking around, confused. You're a Jew. You got people that did things.

Your cousins with Moses. You got your people did things. Whatever. Your people fucking did things. They parted rivers. They slung dick. They tried to stop the Jew. You imagine that that somebody tried to stop the Jew at one point?

How could they do that? And you're tired. I'm tired. I don't feel good. I'm on my bed. Think of those Jews in those fucking caves with those wiggs on with tattoos on their hand. You think they didn't want to fucking get the fuck. Get the fuck out of their cuck, fuck.

You know, when I was the head of the poro department and outskirts. When I wake up in the morning, I think about my sister. I think about my cousins in Cuba. I think about those fucking little black kids of flies out of Africa. how they don't have the opportunity to go do a podcast. They don't have half the opportunities we got. We complain about everything

as fucking Americans. We complain about... Put the anthem on. That's it. It's time for a fucking anthem. That's it. I'm pissed off, cock suckers. It's that time.

When you guys get me fired up, you think when I wake up in the fucking morning, I think about how many dicks my mom suck to lead their fucking country? I think about it. Put the fucking music on. There you go. Wake up, cock suckers.

It's over. When I wake up, cock suckers, it's over. I think about the drama my mother put up with and my father, how much shit they put up in Cuba, and how many dicks my mother suck to leave that fucking country to get me here. You're a Jew, Lee, if you're Irish, Italian, Polish, if you're a chink, whatever the fuck you are. Get up! You're an American now. I don't give a fuck what you were.

It's what you are, motherfuckers. You know what your parents did they fucking get you here? And you're waking up playing pay station. You want to go to some community college with momos. You want to go to Votex? I don't give a fuck if you're English, think of what your ancestor did. Think about what they did and then think about what you're going to do. You're going to grab your cock, you're going to eat some Chinese food.

You're going to get up and you're going to go out there and stab a motherfucker. Because that's what it means to be an American. Getting out there every day and doing it, no matter what the fucking outcome is. Who gives a fuck? They kick you in the head, you eat a roast beef sandwich, and you get back out there and do it again and again. And again, the next fucking day, cock suckers, until somebody says, you're the motherfucking man.

You're an American. Have a great week It's me the fuck off Are we done? You're done Okay Oh my god Now that the show is over

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Go to naturebox.com and use promo code Joey. Naturebox.com promo code Joey and again, thank you. Hold on. No disrespect. If you're Hindu or Arab, you're an American today, Cotsucker. Get it together too. I didn't mention you guys. You don't want to leave anybody out.

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We ain't fucking around today, baby. Have a great weekend. We love you with all the hours. Shit, this is bad for the moment. God damn. Oh shit. The motherfucking rolling stones coming at you, motherfuckers.