The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #172 | ALI SIDDIQ | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Wednesday, June 15th.... Today we caught up with the great, ALI SIDDIQ! Check Out his New Special "DOMINO EFFECT" on YouTube Now! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsKDNZQhVX0&t=14s This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Manscaped, CBD Lion & Lucy.co.…. Get 20% off plus free shipping with the code DIAZ at https://manscaped.com Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Go to https://www.Lucy.co Use PROMO CODE: JOEY for 20% OFF! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #Manscaped #CBDLion #AliSiddiq The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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If you're interested in a better way to use nicotine, visit lucy.com. Use promo code Joey. Let's get this motherfucking party started, Jack. What it is, you bad motherfuckers? Wednesday, the 15th. We're at the halfway part of the fucking month already. Where did it go? We were just an AC, the third, and the fucking fourth.

Anyway, it's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive. I think tomorrow and that I'll be down at Uncle Vinnie's. if they let me go down there on a Thursday. You know, like I said, I'm doing my little fucking Thursday sets to keep this fucking shit alive. I'm a little fucked up today. I just hit the vapor pen and it hit me a little hard.

I hadn't gotten high all day, so I hit the vapor pen just as a pasture and it fucking zocked me in my feet there. Sometimes these vapors are getting a lot stronger than what they were making them a long time ago. I mean, I don't really fuck with the vapors that much. ABX sends me. some fucking vape cartridges and the other car, the live resin ones, and I don't really smoke

them a lot. In fact, I lost my live resin thing. I've lost both of them. I had two of them. I fixed them. I charged them. I take them out for a softball game or something. I do this.

And then they pop up like a month later. I wash them, you know. Who the fuck knows? You get high. That's why I hated those double barrel shotguns when I was a kid, you know, to do Coke. They were tremendous. It was a straw with two little things connected to the straw. You put it in the bag and did it.

but then you sat on it a novel later. So it all sucks. All that shit sucks. I just stick the fucking joints and pipes. Today we're going to talk to Ali Sadiq, a friend of mine out of Houston. Great comic, doing a great fucking job. And I watch this guy. Listen, as a fucking comic, I have my favorites.

You know, I like my Bill Burrs. I like my Rogans. But I watch a lot of young guys. You know, I watch a lot of guys that are coming up. You know, I really like Ali Sadieke. I like what he's doing I really like what Josh Wolfe

has been doing since the pandemic these guys you know Ryan Sickler became a regular at the store since the pandemic

I'm just doing fucking great things you know it's great to see Rachel Woodson you know it's great to see Carmen Morales

with a special it's great to see fluffy fucking sellout two nights at Dodger Stadium you know I follow all these things

guys you might not think i do but these are my friends and these are people that i watch work hard and break their fucking humps and i see them getting little success in it and it fucking makes my dick hard these guys that you know when i lived in l.a the big thing was the special it's so weird as individuals when we get caught up on something like for years it was the store i would talk to young comics that moved to l.a and they would go my my dream goal is to be at the store, but they would chomp out the bit so much over the store, the store, that they were missing the big picture guys. We were missing the big picture.

It's not about the store. It's about getting on stage. The store is going to be there forever. The improv is going to be there forever, and the laugh factory is going to be there forever. But a lot of guys would come to L.A. and if they didn't get into the store, it was a big, like, failure. It's not a failure. You were there at the wrong time, you know, and that's what a lot of things.

things in life. And then it became the Netflix special and the special. You know, HBO was giving them to older guys. So Netflix opened up this streaming service and they blew up people like Ali Wong and Tom Segura and Dane Cook and Bill Burr. It helped solidify them as stand-ups and that was great, but not everybody was getting them. You know, how would you feel if fucking all your friends had specials and a guy like Bobby Lee that's been on Mad TV fucking store regular since fucking Jesus left Chicago with me I mean Bobby Lee has done everything

he couldn't get a Netflix special so you get Bobby Lee's experienced and he's a great comics or he wouldn't chomp at the bit like I'm not getting a Netflix special but people actually do but what's happened over the years are there's comics like Shane Gillis

you know Jimmy Florentine R.E shot his specialist last week guys those specials are getting shot and they're going up on YouTube. And you've got to applaud those guys. You don't look at them any less. You don't say, well, Netflix didn't give him a special. He's not a funny comic.

No, you don't know the politics of what's going on. He might be with an agent that Netflix don't like. There's a thousand things that are going on that you don't know about. So when somebody puts a special up on YouTube for free, that's a fucking gift that, you know, you watch it, you support it. they have a button now on YouTube that you could donate money throw a 10 at them

it cost them 100 grand to set all the cameras up and to get people and editing and all that shit you know these guys you got to applaud them because they're not waiting on somebody to fucking choose them oh my god we love what you bring no I am bringing nothing to your network you know what I'm doing

I'm going to tape it myself I'm going to own it myself and I'm going to fucking put it on YouTube or any other platform that will leave it on there for free. I don't even care about money. That's what a comic, when a comic sends that message, he's telling you that he don't give a fuck.

He just wants you to laugh. While the other comics are sitting there going, whoa, Netflix only offered me a quarter of a million dollars, boo-hoo. And then you got other comics, I just want to get my fucking material out there. Jay Larson, there's been so many comics that have done that

and I applaud them. And I got to be honest with you. YouTube, everybody's got YouTube. What's the fucking stigmata? Everybody's got YouTube. So, fuck it. I told young comics for years. Listen, not right away, but when you get the ball going,

if you put up a 10-minute clip, a 6-minute clip every 10 weeks, let's just say a 6-minute clip every 10 weeks, can you imagine what you're going to have at the end of five years on your page? People sit at work all day. People are working from home. What do you think they're doing? They think they're, oh, my God, I've got to get this deadline. They do a little bit, and they throw on a Bill Burr special.

They do a little bit, and they throw on a Yamanika special. They do a little bit. They throw on a little bit. Who the fuck knows, but not everybody's giving 100%. You know, as a telemarketer, you know when people always pick up the phone? You don't call people at 6 o'clock at night when they're at home. You call them at work because they're getting paid. They'll fucking do anything when they're.

at work to throw them off work. And that's where you're special. That's where you're skit. That's where your podcast. That's whatever you're trying to put out is going to get viewed. When I got into comedy, our views were from 8 to 11. If we didn't book a recurring show or we didn't book a, it wasn't our show, or we didn't get a guest star on a show, you would never see us.

That's not the case anymore. You could wake up at 6 in the morning, eat a fucking bowl of great golden graham, smoke a joint. and watch skits all fucking day now. That's available to you. Stand up, whatever the fuck are you into a podcast. So do me a favor. When you see these guys, support them. You know, Jimmy Florentine,

all these guys that are shooting their specials and putting them up, I give them all the love in the world because the message they're sending is, they ain't waiting on anybody. They ain't waiting on somebody to judge their funniness, whether they're funny or not, whether using them will get Chris Rock to do one. because they have the same, you know what I'm saying?

Like a lot of guys are top heavy. So they have a guy like Mike, and they'll go, listen, if you give Mike a special, I'm sure I'll talk to fucking Dane Cook about a special and, you know, make sure. And then the people give Mike a special. People sit there going, how did Mike's got a special? Well, he's got a great fucking managing a great agent. So there's a thousand reasons why don't judge these comics for it. And then we got Alisa Deke.

Alisa Deke and I have I love Alisa Deke more than a lot of other comics because we both share a fucking distinction of getting sidetracked with a little time in the state pen. Now you could be ashamed of that or you could take that and run with it

sort of like what I did. I was ashamed of it I wasn't raised to be a fucking criminal. I enjoy it. I like stealing and snort and coke and you know. But it's not what you could fucking do forever. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you, but when you do a When you do a stint in prison, your world gets turned around and you're told that you never amount to anything.

And if you were ever told you weren't amount to anything, that stint in prison solidifies it. So it's tough to get yourself out of that. It's tough to get yourself out of a whole of being a felon. Never mind when you haven't told yourself that you're not a felon. So I always have a softest spot in my heart for guys that have been in jail. and that have turned their life around like I did. It's not about the comedy. It's not about the storytelling.

It's not about my wife. It's that I turned my life around. And I'm very proud of that. And now without further ado, my main man, Mr. Ali Sadiq. And listen, we're going straight into ads after this. So enjoy Ali Sadiq. And we'll see you, motherfucker's Monday. Tip Top Magoo, Jack.

Love you. Stay black. What's up, G, G, G, Money. What's good, my brother? Welcome to the motherfucking joint on a beautiful Wednesday afternoon. What's happening, baby? And getting ready for life.

That's all I can say all day, just getting ready for life. What's been going on over there in Houston? Talk to me. I'm on the radio every day, so I'm trapped in a bowl of Radio Kids Road, Radio Kids Road. I don't even know.

And somebody asked me, a nuclear explosion happened in the Houston. I wouldn't know about it unless they told me on the radio. What radio are you on? What station are you down there? Magic 102. KVXX. 102.2.

102.1. Every morning? afternoon drive. Fucking good. That's pretty good. A little hustle there. Better in the podcast. You spend the oldies?

Yeah. From anywhere from the late 80s to mid, let me say mid-2000s. Funk, soul, rap. R&B. All right.

ever since the fucking pandemic came on and I'm gonna tell you I got into big time like I didn't know how strong they were the temptations oh the temptation is very very strong

that's a strong strong strong musically fucking you know Motown people talk about all the bands that Motown produced

but they never talk about, like when you hear Diana Ross you know, keep me hanging on, that fucking guitar, whoever that brother is, that little constant little fucking tinn, tinn, tinn, tting, tink, tink, tink,

I mean, it's just, people had no idea the power of fucking Motown. You have to watch the documentary that they have on Motown. I saw it about the brothers, the whatever brothers.

It's been on show time for a few years. With Quincy Jones. Yes. Him and Smokey Robertson and, man, like Marvigay was such a tremendous part of the Motown

sign. He and Smokey Robinson. Man, that was phenomenal. I could only imagine. When you hear even the first two as people going to fucking hate this, When you listen to the first Jackson five albums,

musically, they're fucking phenomenal those albums. You know, like the in-house band they had could do it all. They could do fucking anything. And they can do it because the Jackson's could actually play. I mean, I went to go see Tito one time. Just Tito by himself. Man, Tito is a bad bass player. That's a bad dude, man.

It, oh, man. Tito Jackson by itself. And he looked royal at the time. Like, man, this is royalty. Like, Tito Jackson is insane. But back to the temptations, and I hate to say something like this, they had equal or the same power as Led Zeppelin. Oh, my God.

Their fucking music runs deep. Their albums are fucking phenomenal. Just David Ruff. Eddie Kendricks, just David Ruffin's voice has always blown me to fuck away. Every time that movie's on VH1, I watch it.

And I know 20 motherfuckers that watch it from Dean Delray. That's one of Dean Delray's favorite fucking movies. We talk about it all the time. The Temptation movie is fucking phenomenal. Five hours on VH1. Every black actor that's ever fucking performed, except Billy D. Williams and a couple of them.

Yeah. Everybody you see, ran through that fucking. They had so many brothers in that temptation. Fucking great band. So it's great that you're playing that. There's a on Sirius, there's a thing called Soul Town.

Yes. Let me tell you something about the host of Sotown. That motherfucker has so much knowledge. That brother has so much. I've heard him talk about fucking Led Zeppelin on Soul Town. Man, Soul Town from

for our X-N radio is incredible from 46 to 50 that my just in between it when So town comes on I think it's 46 or 47 46 or 46 and I'm a studio 54 dude too

man I'll play that shit every once in a while they go off on studio not a lot they play that stupid shit but every Sunday night if you catch like jelly bean or one of those DJs they go fucking off on there. And the podcast

they have on Studio 54, they got some gay motherfuckers that come on there, Myla Shira and the other one, Sundays at 4 o'clock. If you want to hear some, and listen, the first 10 minutes, it's either on or off. Like, so you'll know. Like, if they got, like,

this is a doorman from Studio 54 and he's like, oh my God, them, the nights were magical, Vaseline was flying through the air. Them crazy motherfuckers, I'm telling you, you got to listen to those podcasts. Ali, you will go, what the fuck were these white people doing in the studio 54?

This is fucking crazy. They was bananas. They was bananas at that time. I watched a documentary. I was like cocaine in events. Like, really? You're just blowing cocaine in the club. Just wow.

Like, on the tables, getting your dick sucked in the woman's bathroom, sex in the woman's bathroom. I went once time to Steel 54 I walked into the woman's bathroom There was 200 men snorting coke These people who are pissed off About the tranny bathrooms and shit Why if my son goes into a bathroom

Oh bitch How many men's how many opposite fucking gender Backrooms did you go into snort coke in the 80s Now you want to get mad at some boy with a skirt on and shit What the fuck is going on with these motherfuckers How many bathrooms I snort coke And it's funny Did you catch that Lakers show

on HBO Max? Yes, the winning game. The winning game. Fucking tremendous. I knew you loved it, but I was thinking about you one night because they were talking about David Thompson. Remember, like episode 8? They're like, we got to figure out

how to cover Thompson. The Knicks figured out, they took that motherfucker in a 3-0-50-on game a bag of Coke. He fell down the stairs. That motherfucker wasn't able to play against the Knicks. That 48-inch vertical leap was no good. that motherfucker fell down the stairs the studio. Do you know he tried to sue Studio 54?

He should... Oh, Wikipedia, David Thompson. That motherfucker fell down with a bag of Coke at studio down a flat of stairs. And then he tried to sue studio and shit. But by that time, the next one, they didn't give a Frenchman's fuck. So, you know,

that must have been what the Rockets did. One year, they was playing the Lakers. and they wanted to win that game battle. James Worthy is not playing. He's not, nobody knows what James Worthy is. James Worthy is in the Harris County jail. He got caught in the room with some prostitutes and they arrested James Worthy.

James Worthy comes to the game in the third quarter and light the goddamn rock is up for 23 points that pussy was good that shit still didn't work me I'm going to be arrested his ass still came out third quarter and fired up in the stock

damn shame how's the comedy treating you my brother what's been going on in the world since the pandemic man since the pandemic I've recorded a couple of albums I did an hour on epics and then I recorded an hour special

and man just been on the road the pandemic started being down a little bit but other than that I just been on the road man just trying to put out a good product and trying to do the best shows and swap stories with my friends and you know that's living a life the life of a comic

living comfortable I admire you, man, because I, since the pandemic started, you have become the king of Houston and shit. You know, Moses Malone passed. You said, I'm taking that motherfucking torch. And I see you at the improv doing your games, you know, doing your fucking shows and your residency there. And I know you called me one time to come down and do a show with you. I wasn't a proper mindset. But it's really fucking great to see you, Josh Wolfe.

I've seen a lot of people that have taken to this pandemic and it made them grow as a comic. I'm a fucking old man. I don't give a fuck, you know? I'll do my spots here and there, but it's good to see you your young guys just picking up where you left off. Hey, they don't want to give me a special?

I shoot my own motherfucking special. I was looking through your stuff. You got a couple of albums on there. You got a couple things that you're doing. This is called what? No-hold grudges or I hold grudges or whatever. No, this is the domino effect. Okay, because there's two of them that came out seven hours ago.

One came out 22 hours ago. I don't know. You got a special that came out three days ago. You've got Dave Chappelle, motherfucker. You got 10 special. Yeah, man. So the domino effect is, I released it on May 19th. It's, we had a million, a million plus.

now views. It's a great. I think it's a really good piece of work. It's just my life story between the ages of 10 to 15. So I have 16 to 19 to go before I got busted. So I'm just putting these

stories in order. And you know, just trying to be the best storyteller that I can be, trying to, you know, I can be. trying to, you know, get up there with you and calling and Cosby. You know, y'all the best at what y'all do. So I'm just trying to be in the running. It's crazy how much storytelling has taken over our lives

since we did RRI's show because the response was so fucking positive from RRI's show. I tell Ari all the time. I don't need a fucking special. Ari gave me the best specials I could do. That was the best work I ever did, though, storytelling. Shows, forget my specials, and it all sucked. Storytelling for me was

Ari, you know, Ari brought that up at the right time, and if anybody benefited from that, the most, it's you and I. Yeah. We really found our motherfucking niche, which is, it's very rough to find in comedy sometimes. I started out as Rodney Dangerfield, you know? I mean, I'm not going to lie to you.

I was a cross between Rodney and, and Andrew. And over the years, you find that extra muscle you have by performing, by going out there. You know, you think you're going to be good at the arm bar, but you're really good at the Camaro. So it's like I got to throw jujitsu into it

because it's so weird. We keep working on this type type of comedy, and also there's other type of comedy creeps up, and we're really good at that type of comedy. So now we've got to figure out all three worlds, and that's what you and I have done. You're doing a phenomenal job, brother. and it's really, it inspires me.

And it makes me believe that what my original belief was for this podcast and for the word I was trying to spread with the podcast. People give up, man. People give up in their lives for some reason or another. I never gave up. I don't know if it was going to prison. I don't know if, I think that my whole life was about me overshadowing that person that went to prison because D.D.

down inside, I am very ashamed of that. If you know how I was raised and what I was raised to do or to be, it wasn't to end up in fucking jail. And I know your mother did a good job and that wasn't her plan with you. So, we ended up there, we made a mistake.

And now, I mean, I see it with you. You're a great young man. You're a fucking you're an icon to the African American community because what you bring, you did not lay down. You did not let them tell you how your life was going

be run that you're going to be a nobody they told me too we're going to be nobody's they tried to make a sign of paperwork to give our lives away to disability because they said that we're disabled because we're felons people aren't going to look at us the same this is a great thing that we've done and whenever i feel down which i did for a year i always thought of that i thought of that fuck the comedy fuck anything else it was what i did after getting locked up and i was on my way to end up in prison again, this just became stronger than my desire to go back to prison. And that's what I see with you. You're never getting locked up again.

You're never getting the ticket again. You're never hitting somebody in the head with a hammer again. Because, you know, you've seen the other side. You learn the control. I mean, you ain't going to let a motherfucker step up on you. But you're not going to go out of your way to end up in jail no more because you love prison. I mean, you love comedy. you love your children.

I'm fucking ecstatic about this radio show you're doing. I'm up to call in and shit and spend the motherfucking, spend some fucking, you know, I love all that funky shit, so. Man, it's always a pleasure, man. You can, you know, we, we some of those individuals that came out in some of the worst situations and changed without all of the,

without the fan felt, changing. You know, some people change because they have to do it because they're in front of people, but when you, when you self-motivated to change your life and be in a better position, because you are one of those who are not just love what you're doing, you love yourself. You learn to love yourself a lot more, you know, and at times I was very self-destructive in in so many ways when I was out doing things and allowing people to puppeteen me pushing my buttons.

You know, I got a trigger. Like, man, I don't know. I'm not Pinocchio. I don't have no Jepetto that just got me on this train or any time they want me to get mad. I'm mad. I'm like, nah, I'm cool, man. So I appreciate that, man.

That means a lot coming from somebody out of the same disposition. that we came from. It's the truth. Listen, I'm a minority, you're a minority. You have to add your statistics of what the percentage of failure is, what the percentage of, you know, people coming out from that. What are the odds?

When I see a black doctor, I go, how the fuck did he do it? You know what I'm saying? When I see a fucking, you know, because we were put into drugs, whatever drugs came into our lives, nobody made him do it. Nobody matters do anything. We made a mistake. That's it.

Like the people that are getting canceled today, they made a mistake. And it wasn't for you to cancel them or to shut them down or for them to live in their house with the shades drawn for two years. You don't have that power to do that. A judge did that to you and me. We had a decision to stay in. You know when you go in there, man. Everybody's comparing colleges.

I went to this jail. I went to this. And everybody's like excited. Hey, fuck that. I'll beat that jail. I went to jail in Harlem and all something. And you're like, that's what life is. I don't want to do a prison tour.

My mother didn't fucking spit me out of her pussy for me to do a fucking prison tour or for me to fucking be on probation. She spit me out there to hit somebody in the head with a hammer if they disrespect me or something like that. But that wasn't what this plan was. So I think all my life has since 1990, I've been fighting the stigma of being a fucking felon.

And I put it on my sleeve. I'm not hiding it from money, but I'm not ashamed of what I did. It's like a hitch in the army. It builds fucking character. And I proved it. And we proved what jail does for you if you let it take its course. Because what we did, they don't teach you in there.

There's no class for what we did. You know, there's no, they got classes for when you get out, this is how you do your checking account bitch I didn't even have a checking account when I got out I had never had over $22 in my ATM card I had to call my wife every day put it 20 in that motherfucker so I could smoke some weed I don't even know what people are talking about

but that's I see you on stage I saw you that day doing the Instagram live with Yamanika I was fucking dying at the baseball field you know and I'm looking at you with all the negative shit in the world with all the black lives matter with all the bullshit fucking ali is doing it

Ali is doing it he ain't walking around with a picture of Martin Luther King he's just doing it I don't mean to insult you anything like that you're just doing it you're just doing it for you your family and for fucking comedy so you're a fucking animal brother I'm trying to be the best me I can actually be you know everybody gonna do what they're gonna do man and in this business it's like swimming

I never thought that comedy was like swimming in swimming you just trying to beat the last time you swam this race like hey what was my last time okay this time I'm gonna try to beat that time

by seconds so in comedy I'm just trying I'm just racing myself I'm just having fun talking and this is the type of freedom that I sat around

and I dreamed about just having, doing what I actually want. Like some people say I do what I want to do but then wait a matter I go to work. Like you don't do what you want to do. Like I actually do

what I want to do. If I want to get up and go to Costa Rica, I'm going. If I wanted to If I want to sleep all day, I'm sleeping. And there's no consequence to it. It's just what better job, what better life? What better way to celebrate and release yourself from that prison thing?

I used to try to remember so I wouldn't forget. Remember? So I wouldn't forget to make those mistakes. I don't have to do any of it no more. I'm just not in a mistake-filled position. Why I'm even, with those type of risk even come up anymore? I don't even have to think about,

oh, remember prison, so you're going to do this. And I'm like, what's going to have it? I'm like a white kid in the grocery store, man. I'm like, I do whatever I want to do. I just, you know. Hey, I'm, I'm, I'm eating cookies I'm not stealing what's happening

What's going on On the other hand I don't want people to watch this And hey well I want to live my life Like Ali Well I gotta remind motherfuckers of this Before you can live your life

With that freedom You got to put the work in To deserve that freedom You know You were talking about Comedy is like swimming Let me tell you something Life every Monday

You got a second chance As far as I'm concerned you fucked up last week you ate a cookie you know you fucked up your diet you did coke with that fucking blonde chick

you know you fucked up there we all fuck up Mondays is a second chance to fucking do it all over again I don't give a fuck if you got to fuck up 200 times I was telling somebody something that with acupuncture they used to always put a needle in my ear

before I left an addiction on this side it's for addiction and my job was to to make that motherfucker fly out of my ear by snorting coke. I would just do lines of coke until the motherfucker just went,

pop, like a skyrocket, like a bottle rocket, and shot out of my fucking ear. It didn't matter. I was still fucking sticking that thing in my ear every goddamn Tuesday. And eventually one of those Tuesdays, it caught.

And I'm here, I'm not doing coke anymore. Because I had two prisons, brother. I had regular prison, and then I put my prison, I put my life in the prison of addiction, which is worst in the prison. prison of fucking them putting four walls around you and telling you when you have to shower. The prison of addiction is a motherfucker and a lot of people can't jump that fence.

So once you beat through those things which you put a... Listen, nobody puts you in jail. When you go to jail, you meet 20 motherfuckers in locked in that didn't do anything. They haven't crossed the street. They said, I robbed it shop, right? I haven't been in shot. All right. Nobody ever does anything.

But that's what I love for that every Monday as human beings. We got another shot. No matter what happened last week, you got a whole new set of rules, a whole new set of priorities. You know what? I tried being gay last week. I don't want to do it.

This week I'm just going to be a training. You know, this week I'm just going to put eyelashes on and Scott's tape my dick to my bloodsack and give it a shot. But you're fucking pushing. You're making your life happen. And that's all that fucking matters. that people forgotten. People have forgotten this shit.

That's the analogy. That's the analogy that you got. Last week, you wore a dress. This week, you duct tape your dick. Give it a shot. Because if you ain't somebody else, well, they're going to figure it out before you, motherfucker.

It's like Don Marrera said. If you ain't practicing basketball, somebody else is. When you're a basketball player, that's your mentality. What time is it two in the morning? Some motherfuckers dribbling their basement right now. I better get that basement right now.

Somebody's doing shadow drills at two in the morning. Oh, my goodness. It's a man, man, you're just taping your Johnson to your leg. Hey, man, try it out. Dug tape that motherfucker with some Kmart duct tape. Your dick ain't going nowhere, Jack. That Kmart duct tape, the shit the Cubans use on cars in Cuba. You can hit a fucking tank with your dick.

Oh, them Cubans, they do shit with duct tape. a duct tape is the real gorilla glue like guerrilla I think gorilla glue is melted down duct tape because whatever is on the inside of duct tape my man good love I got duct tape by some Colombians one time man you know

that eyebrow my eyebrow was never like that this this whole eyebrow came off it looked like I had leukemia man for years man, I had one. Man, it was crazy. They was wrong for that shit.

Dog, I duct tape the dude one time. You wrong. That was it. You wrong. And it wasn't my idea. I was just talking somebody last night. It was in 93. I teamed up with a dude.

He's dead now. God rest his so was my brother. This dude believed in my comedy. This dude shot people, hit people with sticks. But then he drove me to my gigs and he wanted me to be there on time. And he'd tell me not the curse on stage.

You want to be clean, bro. And then he fucking leave me and go get a grandma a blow and come back. This guy was a savage. But when he's like, let's chase some fucking Dominican's up in Harlem. This motherfucker just threw the Coke out of the car and ran away. He just pulled it. We followed him

for two days. What's snorting Coke following this dude? And then we caught him, we duct taped him. We made sure the Coke was Coke, and then we just left him there, duct taped. He's probably in Cuba right now. He's probably in Columbia right now as we speak, cutting that duck. Now, he was Dominican. Long time ago. 93.

Yo, let me tell you, the kind of thing is that you ran with somebody who hit somebody with a stick. Do you know, I don't think, I don't think, I don't think people understand because being in the world of crime, a stick, to hit somebody with a stick, I didn't hit people, I didn't hit people with axe handles, I didn't hit people with Louisville sluggers, I didn't hit people with a small bat. But to find a stick sturdy enough to hit somebody. and hit him, that's a bad, that's a, that's a real dude. And I didn't see it. I didn't see me before. I didn't see somebody have a stick and whooped the shit out of somebody with it. I'm like, God damn, that motherfucker rugged.

I'm going to tell you, who you move with a stick more than anybody. I was my mother. My mother would turn that broom handle upside down and take the broomside off. One time she crashed a pool party because I didn't make my bed. She crashed a fucking pool party with a, stick, dog, and started yelling the Spanish, and I'm in the pool with white kids. I'm yelling, who's this crazy Spanish woman? Call 911. She's like, 911, motherfucker. You're dead. She chased me with that stick, hit me with it.

She could fucking swing a broom handle. I must have got hit with 20 fucking broom handles in my day. Little ones, big ones. Then she used the thing like fucking gladiator and poke me in the sides with it and fuck. Oh, yeah. My mom was no joke, guys. I don't know. You know. These little pussies today have no idea. My mom used to gladiator me once a fucking month with that fucking, you know, she hit you with a crossword, and then when you bent over,

she'd be, give you the fucking gladiator. I forgot about the poke. My mom used to poke me with this broomstick, I forgot about the jazz. The fucking poke. You got the sandal. My mother was dimensional.

She was like an octopus. She could throw a sandal at you, an ashtray, a fucking broomstick, or stab you. My mother, my mother was good. she was good. She had this little chop. You did to the throat.

Like, before something before, it's like it paused you. Like, you'd be talking up. And that's it she could get to wherever she's going to actually get to. Like, man, my mother clipped me one time. I tried to run.

You don't think your parents were supposed to clip me. She put her foot out and clipped me. And I went, my shoulder hit the chair. We didn't have the throat punch. We had the mouth cover the fucking quick backhand. It's called the tapawaka. It just makes you.

It opens you up. She just gives you the back hand. It sounds like one of these, but only reverse. You swallow the fucking oxygen. You get all choked up and shit from the backhand. Moms get fucking hit. In the 70s and 80s, moms were fucking swinging for the fences. Now that's why these kids are shooting fucking schools,

and they're fucking up. because moms ain't hitting them in the head. You know, again, we spoke about it yesterday, how this Texas thing is a wake call for parents. In every fucking dimension. We got to start watching our kids a little bit fucking more. You know, they can't be fucking wearing skirts and shooting, you know. There's just a lot of signs.

What are the signs of your kids going fucking retarded a lot? Because I was one of those retarded kids. I just never wanted to shoot the fucking school up. Yeah, that's the crazy. I never wanted to shoot a little. I heard me friends for any fucking reason at all. Well, I heard other kids. Like, I never, I never, I never understood that part.

And because I never, I never wanted to do it. Hey, I want to beat up Mr. Johnson. I hate this principal. And, and I hated them because I was doing shit. Like, it's not like, guess who wasn't, guess who didn't hate them? The mass majority of the school didn't hate them because they wasn't doing shit. And then the only people who hate you that hate school are people who are doing shit in school.

That's not school shit. When I was involved in school stuff, I love school. I love school. I still read in school. So I loved it. I love going to school and selling some refa couple hits of masculine. Shit. I saw school as dirty credits and fucking 200 a week.

You know, I went to school to eat and fucking smoke pot and see my friends and study I loved it but I could my daughter I look at my daughter dog she loves school you know why because it's her little social fucking hour she loves going into that fucking school I couldn't pay her to stay home from school I'll tell us in time

fucking I'll give you 50 bucks let's it dad I gotta go to school and I was the same way I mean I went to school and played hookie if I went to school and we saw a beer truck And we robbed that motherfucker. I was up there. I didn't go to school.

But I went to school for an excitement. I went to school for action. It was like anything could happen. It was like being on the Mickey Mouse Club on Wednesday. Anything could happen day. I'm going to school. Next thing you know, we're having to get Pink Floyd tickets.

Next thing you know, we're going into the city to get tickets or going into the city to see a peep show. You know, sometimes in the eighth grade you want to see some pussy. You can't be looking at those playboys and cherry cherry and pika pika. You got to go in there and see a,

for yourself and smell it. You know what I'm saying? Um... Yeah. Yeah, Doug. School was that for me. Like, I didn't know where it was going to take me, man. And when I was a kid, I didn't want to hurt other kids.

Our job wasn't even to hurt teachers. It was to fuck with them. Like, in the fifth grade, they gave my teacher hit acid in his coffee. He never came back after lunch, you know. Shit like that. That's harmless. That motherfucker's okay today. He's probably old.

don't know if that man is okay, that man, probably jumped off the Empire State building. No, he came back to school next day and looked everybody suspiciously, I'm saying? He always had a suspicious look on his face after that. And shit, even when he taught history, he was like, all suspicious. Man, never drink nothing in his class again.

He was like, oh, hell, no, I'm not, no, no, man. That's what you do. That's fun. You steal the frogs from biology class. I used to take all the frogs and put them in a bag and the teacher was like, where's the frogs? I don't know. They gone.

They jumped out. I don't fucking know. Then we robbed the scales from the school because we started selling drugs. So you couldn't weigh a fucking nail in my school. We took every fucking triple beam there was. Every triple beam there was in North Bergen High. We stole one night.

They came to my house next day. Joey, give us back the scales. We know it was you. Well, I sold five of them. All right. Give us back fucking six like. Keep an extra one. but don't do it again.

Yeah, we just stole the scales, though. We weren't fucking around. It was never a don't do. We never got a don't do it again. We was on trial. Like, I didn't even do this. My man snatched the person I was in the car.

I didn't even know. And they came to the school. I don't even know how they even saw everybody in the car. They questioned us about a person as it. And they, I wasn't even guilty. And it was like, yo, it was like I was a leper at the school.

Like, like, you are criminal, you have criminal behavior, criminal tendencies. Like, yo, man, I was in the car. I didn't even know

that man was snatching a purse. Like, well, I don't snatch purse. Is you corny? It's corny. But it was no second chance. It's like I was, from that point on,

I was like a troublemaker to them. I was like, no, I'm not. I was in a car with a light-skinned dude who was trying to prove that he was black by smashing the purse.

That's not how you do it. Like, what about marching? God damn. We did that too. You go to the... No, I don't march. I don't march, my knee bad.

I didn't march in high school. I didn't do none of that shit. Yeah, ain't on marching this way. You're like, nah. I should have... I should have been on... I should have been more on the debate team. That would have been a good debater.

I don't know what. I just wanted to go to school and get a fucking diploma. I didn't know what was going to have. I ended up waiting school my senior year because I hadn't have anybody around and I had to put my fucking skills to the test. But it's fucking weird that we got this far. You know, we don't know high school diploma. I'd be dead, man.

It don't sound like you went to school to get a diploma. The description that you gave in the diploma. diploma, like, you know, it sounds like still in the frogs, still a dope, still in the trouble. No, that sounds like you wanted to graduate. It's all a part of the curriculum. When I grew up, it was all part of a curriculum. That's why we made up the way we did.

The curriculum was a little deeper. You know, these kids don't do dick. You know, part of the curriculum was delivering newspapers, Ali. Part of the curriculum was helping your neighbors with groceries and shit for the small quarter. Half of the curriculum, there was a lot in that curriculum. So there was a lot of good.

Civics. And there was, yes, and there was a lot of, and that curriculum today is what children need because there's no, children have no more social skills. They don't know how to do anything

on their own. It's all like in your school. It was class A. Goet, get up here and show them how you, communicate with someone owes you money.

Yo, give me the fucking money. And don't do it again. Now, you see how he did that? That's how life goes. You're going to have to hold people up. Joe, on this day,

we're doing triple bays. Anyone got one by chance, I do. I do. As a matter of fact, I do. Remember, belly the belly sales is the biggest gift you could have. If you don't know how to sell, you're going to have a rough job. So they don't teach kids that. That's what we learn by delivering papers, by upgrading people, by shoveling the snow for people, by when it snowed, who the fuck?

We went and pushed people in cars, and you made next to $20. You know, there was, listen, there was a lot of good. You know, again, I remember going to church and selling the fucking boosters so people could put in their house. and put in the window. I would sell it to them for a dollar and steal it back the next day. That teaches you how to hustle. That teaches you how to fucking, you know,

recycle. You know, when you play baseball on the street, you break a window. The people come out, you got to sit with, at first you run because you're a scared little fuck, but then your parents say you got to go back out there and talk to these people and figure out a payment plan and how you got to pay back the window.

These were all little parts of growing up that children are not seen today. and this is why our children have the deficiencies that do. They do. My curriculum was a little fucking fucked up, but it paid for itself years later.

Hey, Mrs. Johnson, I have an apple for you in class. Does anyone see my apple? I don't want to get you the apple. It's already gone. Always blaming me, man. It's already gone. But think about all this shit you

learned by being bad that now you use the good way for your fucking comedy. Crazy. You use it. It's fucking crazy. So this is why I say sometimes you got to, listen, just to open up your mind to a child, to open up your mind to anybody. The dad went out to tell him, Mike, my daughter played and the catcher caught a foul ball.

My daughter looked at me and said, I didn't know you could do that. They just opened up their mind. By opening up your mind a little bit, they'll teach them other things. You know, even if it is negative. Like, I used to fucking rob beer trucks. And one day on the way to school, we saw a beer truck pulled over, and we robbed a beer truck. It was a case of Mickalob Nips. I got a case of Mickalob Nips.

Well, they happened to fit in the fucking locker. So I put it in the locker, okay? So I did something bad. But then Mr. Lee, at the time, was like a vice principal. He came to me. He's like, open up your locker. The cops are here. And I go, ah, fucking.

and I learned business law. You need a warrant to get into that fucking locker, cocksucker. And I broke it down to him, and I sold him on it to the fact that I had done something bad, but something good had come out of it because then I asserted my business law education.

And the motherfucker could not come in my locker. And the cop even looked at him and he goes, he's got us here. You got to go to a judge and get a fucking warrant and start this one over. I became like law and order. I was like law and order all of a sudden when I was a sophomore.

So something, bad led me to something good. Led you to test your knowledge. And I made my motherfucking point. Do you understand me that you got to get a warrant? Like Jay-Z said, you got to get a warrant if you want to go in this fucking in this glove compartment. Did they leave a cop there and- No.

Fuck, no. They fucking left me alone. And that teacher didn't talk to me until five years later in 83 when I tried to bust into a bookie's house and a dog chase me. And I ripped my hand open. Here's the scar right here. and I went to the high school and he goes, why are you bleeding? And I go, because I got caught on the fence.

A dog was chasing me. And listen to this, Sadiq, this is the only shit that you and I will ever judge in our lives. The guy was looking at my, we had not have a talk. For five years, we didn't even look at each other. He opened up my hand and he goes,

listen, you didn't get stitches, you're not going to have movement. He goes, but if I put a toilet roll and close your hand and do it, you'll be okay. As he was doing it, He goes, somebody asked me the other day, if I ever treated somebody I didn't like.

I didn't know how to answer him, and then you walked in. And do you know that? We went from hating each other to fucking. I went to Colorado, and I would call him every week and check up on Mr. Lee. I even sent flowers when he died. His wife even called me and said he was very fond of you.

I said, yeah, the first five years of our lives, we fucking hated each other. But that's how it happened. That's life, my man. The scarp, man. I was thinking about doing a show, just talking about, talking to people about how they got a certain scar. Like, you know, I know how I got this slit in my face.

I know I got it. People like, well, how that's a little scar, that's very significant. That's a, that's the tip of a butcher knife. James Gosser slipped me in the face. I was like, shit. Damn, motherfucker bled like a motherfucker. My goodness, right? Like, the whole thing would it call me, I'd have had it across the face,

but the tip of it caught me right when I moved back. And I was like, whew! And people talk about how they got certain scars. I have a scar on my knee where it looked like a J. but remember the old, the old curtain rods, they would connect and they would come, they would come and loose,

and it was like this little handlebug. And he said, that, that's a J at the end, the whole thing. Yeah, it hit how they connected. And my sister threw one. It hit me in the leg. And it left, and it stuck in my leg, and it left that J.

Left that J if I got their leg. I was just it stupid I feel all of it is that we have brother they tell a fucking it's like Russians have the tattoos

to tell a story of their life we don't need it we don't fucking need it you robbed a bid truck and that's how you got this scar in your head that's fucking crazy that was possibly the longest

fart oh my God it's terrible it's a protein fart it had to be how long was it Mike 10 seconds that thing It was like a drum roll and shit That came out of my ass

You didn't hear it, Tali I heard something I thought you'd be moving the seat No That was my asshole moving the fucking seat You understand me That motherfucker was pushing the gauge I'm surprised Mike didn't pass the fuck out here

That's a good fucking protein fart But anyway He's been always awful So the name of the special is what Because I'm about to pass out That fart went straight up into the microphone You should be getting in about 3.2 seconds. You just see a little cloud of smoke and shit,

like a little baby afro on G.I. Joe. He's just going to go, poof. That's it. Mike, are you okay, Mike? He's all right. He's sitting down with an ice pack on his eyeball and shit. Oh, my God, that was horrible. That protein powder. I don't know what the fuck they put in that shit.

But sometimes you fart and you're like, why eat something healthy if my asshole is going to smell like that? I might as well. I might as well eat a White Castle my asshole is going to smell like that. You eating fucking cheese and broccoli and apples. And what comes out of your ass is this green hornet mist. That's putting down Chinese people and shit.

What's the name of the album that's coming out? The special is the domino effect. And when does that get released? It is out right now. It came out May 19th. The album is coming out after this, which is the next right, well, I think it's June 19.

Yeah, Father's Day, the album is coming out. Yeah, and that's Apple? Yeah, I think that's my website. It's just on my website. Okay, just on www.com? Yeah, ali's sneak.com. Because, you know, these streaming companies having the time right now with people sewing them,

and they, you know, they're going through a lot. So you got to try to figure out ways release this shit yourself until they come back on. And then you license it out to them for a second. Man, it's rough. It's rough right there. But we made it. Hey, make sure y'all go check out the Domino Effect

that's on YouTube right now for free. Share, tell a friend, tell a friend, because you're going to love it. I don't have even say, if you like it, because you're going to love it. If you like storytelling, this is the ultimate. Check it out, I so appreciate you having me on, man.

Ali, I always got you. I always got you because what you're doing is a beautiful thing. You're doing a lot more than comedy. You're giving brothers a chance to look at you and say, you know what? I'm going to do that. And that's the biggest gift you could give to humanity, man. So I love you to death.

That's what this podcast is about, letting these motherfuckers know that there's a second chance. And if you really want it, it's in your fucking favor. Don't they say It's a seller's market It's a dog 24 7 this is the beginning of time It's all about you

And if you really want it No matter what the fuck coat They want to put on you Alis Adique is living fucking proof A brother with fucking felonies And still slinging dick Like Moses Malone in 19 fucking 80 When I went to see him

And he was fucking grabbing 24 rebounds a game You know what I'm saying I always got to take it back to Moses Fafo Faw Foh He fucking swept those motherfuckers in 83 That's what they're not going to tell you I'm winning with the Lakers and shit

Yeah they beat the Sixers But Sixes went and regrouped And they came back with Moses And the Promised Land And that was it Julius went off in 83 Yeah Every time he played against Magic

Magic will get hurt and shit His hamstring He'd hold on to his face Fuck you Julius Irving time, motherfucker. I love you, Ali. Stay black. Stay in touch.

And these guys will be looking out for your album release. Thank you, brother, very much. All right. I love you. Stay black and powerful. Keep doing what you're doing, brother. Welcome to the joint.

All right, I want to thank Alisa Deek. I want to thank Big Mike for being here, but most importantly, I want to thank you, Savage's. for always having my back. The join is brought to you by Lucy.

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