The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #173 - Justin Fortune, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 30, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt welcome Justin Fortune to the podcast. Mr. Fortune is a boxing strength and conditioning coach most notably for Manny Pacquiao. This podcast is brought to you by: This podcast is brought to you by: Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 04/30/2014.

This show is sponsored by Dollar ShaveClimm. Get high-quality rates to send to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to Dollar ShaveClub.com slash church. That's Dollar ShaveClub.com slash church. Or just go to Joey Diaz.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. This show is also sponsored by NatureBogs.com. Order great tasting healthy snacks at 50% off. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like French toast granola.

And like with French Tows Gronola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first or order, go to naturebox.com promo code Joey. That's naturebox. dot prom. Naturebox.com promo code Joey. And for all the wax and oil smokers out there, to get the premier vapor pen on the market, go to nailed it at life.com. Mention Joey Diaz and you're going to save 20% off. Cook this motherfucker. Fuck this people. Fuck these people in this fucking building.

Oh shit. April fucking 30th. The last day when this fucking office, I'm in the mood to like this motherfucker today. It's over, cock suckers. Get up. The last day of the month. You fucking savages. Wash your pussy. Lou for your fucking asshole. It's that time. Get your shit together. Cock suckers. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Four white guys talking about fucking cocaine. I love it. Where's Donald Sterling and shit? Oh shit. Let's do this, Lisa, yeah? Oh, shit. What the fuck is going on today? It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive out there. The birds are chirping.

It's going to be a hot motherfucker today, Lisa. I hope you put powder in your asshole and then your nutsack. It's going to be fucking 90,000 degrees. We're moving this motherfucker today. We got an office with a window. We got lights. We got an air conditioner. We fucking control.

fuck these people with their 74 degrees at 100 in fucking July oh we keep it at 74 what fucking how did you grow up how the fuck did you people grow up with a fucking fan on you some shit I ain't got time for that I'm a fat fuck I sweat 74 degrees put that motherfucker down cook it down to 55 and leave it there I'll let you know when the fucking put the oven on cuckers it's a beautiful day to be fucking alive here I shot that fucking movie yesterday I was basically a glorified extra. That's all I fucking did.

I mean, you never would have thought you would have been in a movie 20 years ago. That's true too. You know, but it's crazy because I got there at 12. They put me in a little room like a jail cell. I couldn't even fit in the bathroom if I had to take a shit. I'm not even kidding you. It was this

fucking small. That small, the cubicle. I would add a back end and fucking shit from long distance. Like an airplane bathroom? It was even smaller. that. Shit, Jesus. I mean, you couldn't even fit in there. They had my clothes in there.

So the clothes were hanging over the fucking toilet. The room was small, but I got to tell you something, the temperature was fucking icicle. And that's all that mattered. They had you outside by the... It was on sunset Gower.

So right there, the sun was pounding, and I'm like, these motherfuckers are going to have me outside and a fucking trailer sweating. Let me tell you something. I had to sit in the trailer with the fucking door open. That's how cold it was

in that fucking trailer. That's all you care about. I love it. I sat there with my shirt off like a doctor. I was stoned as fuck. I just sat there and I read. They came and got me for makeup at like 1230. I put the makeup on.

I sat there with my shorts and my t-shirt on until about, I swear to God, 3.30. They came and got me. They said, you're seeing this up. I walked in. I shook Alan Baldwin's hand. Whatever his name is, Alec Baldwin. That's his name. Johnny Roast B from Goodfellers, Joe Cortez, myself.

This guy, George Rooleman. so I had worked for before and some other guy recognized from movies. I just don't know his name. And they basically put us in a booth like this with fucking Alec Baldwin facing that with the camera over my shoulder. Me, I was a fat fuck. I was too busy eating it. They had shrimp cocktail?

They had a shrimp cocktail? Fuck, yeah, dog. And I was right there. Everybody else is standing there. They had shrimp cocktail. They had some mush something macaroni and cheese. And they had avocados stuffed with chicken. Pico de Guy.

or fucking tuna and all these fucking Gentiles are eating the fucking tuna like momos that they are. I got three hands in the fucking shrimp and one in my pocket. You understand me? And they had jumbo shrimp.

No, that's nice. They weren't fucking around me. They had jumbo shrimp. I was eating them. People were coming, taking two or three. I was taking 19 out of fucking time. You know that hand that you put the quarter in and a piece of the teddy bear?

That's how my hand was. I kept picking up fucking handfuls with the tongs. and I fucking started eating them and they called my name and I didn't have my jacket on so by the time I got there the three fucking momos

had taken the seats next to Alec Baldwin those are the money seats so I sat with my back to the camera but you know it's funny because I had no lines the funny thing was Alex

Alec Baldwin had one line basically and then us five sat there and we're supposed to like intimidate them or whatever the fuck happened and whatever his name is the director said you guys could talk.

And I let the one guy talk and I let the other guy talk. And I can see that timing was off. It's amazing. It's amazing when you're a comic from practicing and getting on stage how effective your timing is to the point that there's some actors in Hollywood that don't want to work with stand-ups

against them, like opposite of the stand-up because their timing is too... So what would be an example in your conversation with timing being off? If you can even do it. So in this scene, we're sitting there, the waitress comes over, puts the glass down, and walks away. Okay. The director said, smack her in the ass because she comes in here a lot like you know her.

Okay. You know what I'm saying? So the first fucking thing, she comes in, boom. She lays the glass. The glass isn't even fucking down. This guy in the left is already talking. Like he's just been waiting to say it? Yeah.

You have to let the chick fly. Okay. You know, why would you want to talk? It's a wasted line. called. It's a throwaway line. When you say a line, you're not facing the camera. Okay. When you're saying a line and somebody's blocking you, it's a wasted

line. That's acting 101. Okay. I know that from watching fucking movies, that that's acting 101. So, again, they have to stop, and listen, wait for the chick to clear. Then this guy was spending too much time with the ass slap. He's a mob boss. You know what I'm saying?

He could look at her or something like that, but he was spending too much time jiggling with her. These guys are the heads of families, they're serious. Yeah. You know, I'm thinking fucking way ahead. You know, I'm a fucking savage when it comes to that shit. So he says a line.

It's cut. It's too fucking quick. And what the line's supposed to be, me would have been the waitress walks away, action, or action, the waitress walks away. Alec Baldwin stays. That gives a scene suspense. And then he says his line.

And then one guy says one line, and one guy says the other line, and we're out. I let the one guy say his line. he kept fucking it up then the other guy stepped on Ali Bowen's lines

he kept doing it this guy's an actor for 30 fucking years 30 years this guy was the original Don Johnson he had Miami Vice first till Don Johnson

walked in he's married to the chick from NYPD Blue the chick that was married to Jimmy Smith's on the show I forget their names in real life he's married to or was

he has a child with it Joe Cortez is a good looking fucking dude so these weren't new actors no these are John Rose B from Goodfellas. You know, Cortez.

Johnny Rose Beef was like, he didn't say nothing for the first time in his life. I didn't feel I had to say nothing. When Alec Baldwin told me his line, I just laugh because it's like if we're waiting for fucking, if we're waiting for Eddie Broad

when he sends a purple belt to tell us what he's supposed to tell us. We're like, who the fuck are you? We were waiting for Howard Hughes. This guy sends this fucking guy who's supposed to be a Mormon, and he's giving us orders. So in my head it was pretty fucking funny

That he's giving me orders and shit But then the other guy by mistake Kept stepping on his line Like you go Instead of saying it while the guy was still talking This is an experienced actor So fucking whatever his name is The director came in and goes

Fuck it no lines So all I had was to work Well it was body language They didn't turn the camera around I mean we basically wrapped at 420 So were you on camera though The back of my head They gave me a head cut and everything

To show the back of my fucking head. You know what? Listen, man, I don't care. I laughed. For me, they gave me a payday. It goes towards my insurance, which is all I care about. My family's insurance. It's the only reason when I go to these fucking auditions. And it's funny because it was a glorified extra role. You know, I've been very fortunate that I had speaking roles and all that shit. But it's funny because I've done the work. So it really doesn't matter. Like, I wasn't desperate. wasn't angry at all. The biggest concern I had was getting home, getting on that

101 to get home. That was my biggest concern at 4.30 and I got home in 15 fucking minutes. But it was funny on the way home, I was thinking about like, people get this and they complain. Like, I know a lot of people who have gotten this job and complain, because that's what people do. They get

mad. I can't believe I went all the way down. I didn't get a line. You know what, man? Listen, if you do the work, you're going to get good jobs, and you're going to get bad jobs. Whether you're a plumber, an electrician, a carpenter. Sometimes you get good jobs. The only thing you can wish for is that you're going in and do a good job.

Like for me, it was a win-win because the casting director is huge. He directed gravity. He cast the director, he directed gravity. I was just going to say that. You went in and you didn't have a line, but you also didn't fucking piss the director off with all the mistakes. So now he'll cast you again, and maybe he'll give you a line. You know, sometimes you don't have to talk. I always admire one of my all-time favorite movies is playing trains and automobiles,

and I really admire Steve Martin because he had to go up against a powerhouse like John Candy. And sometimes you might not be able to say something, but there's something in your physicality. There's a thing, physical humor, which is huge. And I've always loved to do that also. Maybe it's just touching your nose. Maybe it's the way you grab your ear.

Maybe it's the way you put your hand on your chin. You know, I always don't try to overact. I always try to stay. I never understood the whole acting thing. I've been to the top acting classes. Like I went to Ivana Chubbik, and I went to the other Jewish lady we talked about who was great.

And I got the basics, and I took it from there. And maybe that's why I work, or I don't work, but I know inside the room I'm great. That's why I book because I audition well. You know, I go in there and give a fucking craziness. I just make believe it's a stand-up set. And I change scenarios in my head. It's funny because the other day I was watching.

And I love this scene, and it was on the other day. The football movie with Halperino. Any Given Sunday. Any Given Sunday was on. It's been on a lot. That in the longest yard has been on a lot on Showtime. And my favorite scene in that movie is when he takes the quarterback aside, the black kid, and he says to him, listen, man,

this is just like being outside before your mama calls you for dinner. You know, you got one play, you diagram, and you go to the car and make a left, you know, that's what you do when you play two-hand touch, you know. He goes, and that's how I simplify things sometimes. I used to get very nervous when I'd audition or very nervous in meetings. and I take it to stand-up comedy. I just closed my eyes for a minute,

and it's like I'm on a fucking stage. They asked me my sides, I'm in the back getting ready, and when they turn the camera on, I'm on stage, and I've done it a lot better. I was very surprised when I did the Marin Show. There was one scene where I had to do stand-up. Years ago, I had to do that.

It was painful. When you had to do fake stand-up, now I put it together. You know, it's so weird that when you stick with something, you get that much better at it. It's hard to tell people, And if you listen to one of our beginning podcast from like September or two years ago and listen to now, we've grown. Yeah, of course.

We've grown. And that's what people do. The more you do something, the better it's so hard that that concept I couldn't grasp that when I was 20 and 25. I never thought I would have the eight years? What? Fucking seven years to be a fucking attorney? Totally a long assignment. Are you fucking crazy?

Like when you're 20, that's such a big number to grasp. Like what? Joey Diaz said 10 fucking years to be a good standup. Fuck that. Fuck him. He doesn't know what he's talking about. My cousin Jerry said I can be a good standup in three fucking weeks. There's people who actually think like that.

And that help, that thinking held me back for years when I was a young guy and considering what I wanted to do with my life. It's amazing how you look at things and you go, let me tell you some, I was a different stand-up actor at 10 years than what I am now at 20 years. You know, it's like, yes, I'm making, I'm making fucking. And I'm telling you about acting mistakes, and I'm, by trade, I'm a stand-up. But because I've been involved in acting all these years, and I've caught on, I know the little nuances. It's just little nuances with acting. These people think it's something out of this fucking world. I've seen the best.

Forget lines and skip beats and, you know, forget more. You just forget. You have cameras. You have people. You have people touching you, fixing your microphone. You have people fixing your jacket. You have people wiping sweat off your face. you know, there's camera,

the people asking your questions. Hey, instead of this, you know, so there's a lot going involved. It's really weird when you get it naturally. Joey, you miss, you still got to stop at the line.

Sometimes you get everything right, but you went an inch over the fucking line. Then the next one, you do everything right again, but you go in fucking an inch before the line. Then the next one, you step on the line, but you forgot the word the.

And then there's one scene where you just, it all goes away. You walk out there and it's like you've been doing it for 30 years. When you wake up in the morning, you go in the kitchen, you hit the coffee machine, you grab a spool in the fucking dish, you put cereal in, you pour the milk, you turn around the coffee's made, it's just a pattern. It's the same thing.

Your mind just gets to do it. You know, I used to be crazy in rehears a bunch and go, I don't do that no more because a thousand things happen in blocking. Blocking is before they shoot the scene, you go in and you walk through it. You follow me? Yeah, so you know where the cameras are. So you're going to know what cameras are, you know, and then you know where they're going to turn it around,

so you know what hand do you use, what, and it's really weird because, you know, years ago, I thought about this on the drive up. Like, I wasn't mad at all, but it was funny to me how I'm still doing fucked up roles, and I don't care because I'm very fortunate just to be working. You know what I'm saying? Lee, like people have no idea across this country. We don't know what's going on in Oklahoma. and in Tennessee and in Virginia

people losing their jobs, whatever the fuck's going on there's so many people out of work I'm always ecstatic when I work because I can't believe, A, I'm still doing this after 17 years in L.A. I can't believe I lasted that long, that people still call me in for auditions and I'm just happy to fucking work

you know, and I don't get pissed at those jobs leave because I bumped into Slash once fucking 15 years ago with Rogan. I was at Rogan at the Riviera one of the worst fucking hotels. I can't I can't stay in that place. It's a comedy.

Yeah. They used to do a midnight show there on Fridays and Saturdays. It's just a fucking, I don't even know what it is. But they used to have a comic book or a game thing there. And as me and Rogan will go into the airport, I saw a slash. And that night, when I woke up in the middle of night, I saw him at the bar. I couldn't sleep. I didn't bring Reefer.

And I went up to him and I said, you know, what's going on with guns and roses? I was just lonely and I didn't know. I had seen them at the store a few times, you know. And I remember talking to him about Axel Rose, and he was saying that Axel just lost his mind, that it happens to people. That sometimes people can't really believe when good things are happening in their life.

They really can't. People can't handle that shit. It's like when you come out of jail and you have that prison mentality, also when you get a job, and you got a promotion, and you get a girlfriend. In the back of your mind, you have to fuck that up. Okay.

In the back of your mind, you as a human being, and I had that for a long time. Like, once things are so good, you got to fuck a month. No, no, things cannot be this fucking good. And a lot of people who are listening know what I'm talking about. It's just a certain thing we go through that it's just too good. And people are saying, what the way?

He was doing so fucking good. He had a job. He had a girlfriend. He was putting money in the bank. Why would he shoplift? Like, it's always something stupid, you know? Okay. And it's funny that I never forgot that conversation because it made me work.

Because he said that some people, they get success and they start doubting themselves. It affects people differently. And that's why Axel Rose never has come back. He's never been able to come back. And some people say he's great, that it's everybody else who's crazy. You know, I believe both of this. Somewhere in that story, there is crazy. There is a little bit of crazy.

And you have to do the work, man. For you not to never doubt yourself, you have to do the work. And people just don't realize. I got a tweet from somebody this morning that. Six weeks later, I'm featuring, you know, and I'm on the road in some hotel in Idaho. I remember being that guy and calling my friends and going, you're not going to fucking believe this.

I'm featuring tonight in a hotel in Idaho for Dave Tribble. Now I look at it, and it looks minuscule. The accomplishment looks, you know, like nothing. But it's the step to the fucking world. Once somebody says you're not unseen no more, Your next step is headlining, baby. You know, you're a purple belt now. Your next step is a fucking brown belt,

then you're going to be a black belt. You're already, and it's so weird when you see the evolution, but you have to put in that work. And I think the people that don't put in that work lose their fucking minds and doubt themselves when they get a job or something like that. Like, I know people go home and go, what the fuck? You know, I've done this and this and this.

And me, I put my pants on one. I've had people call me. I've called friends in mine and said to them, hey, man, they're auditioning for this role. You should go in. I've had friends go, man, I was in a TV show for five years. I ain't auditioning.

They're still home. Yeah. They're still home because they let that affect their fucking judgment. With me, I don't give a fuck. You know, some people, I'll do a set of flappers. I go to the ha-ha, ha, ha,

I go to one of George Perez's fucking crazy rooms. I don't do it no more. I'm getting oldly. I'm fucking tired at night, man. I'm fucking tired, man. Once eight o'clock comes, I play with the baby.

I've written, I've driven around this fucking town. You know what time I worked out last night? What? 10.30. Really? 10.30 last night. Couldn't take it on my work. I worked at 8.30. You know, I got back from shooting. I had to go to the park with the baby. I did some stuff around the house. There was no parking.

Then she came in. I cleaned the house a little bit. She cooked. You know, I had the baby till fucking 7.30. You know, I really wanted to meet salami at 10th planet Van Nuys. It's tough to leave when the baby's awake. It's very tough. Very tough to walk out of there with a fucking ghee on it. And she looks at you. It's just tough. There's too much going on. I wanted to work out.

I wanted to do something last night. I didn't know what the fuck to do. I didn't want my knee to swell up. I knew we had to move offices today. So I went inside. I drank coffee. I'm like, I'll go to bed because I told you call me when you're finished. Yeah.

I called you. You call me and we finished like 10 minutes later. I called you when I went inside. And about 10.30. I put some shorts on. I went outside. And I started doing squats in the house. 10 pounds.

Just with a caton jar? No, with a fucking dumb bar, whatever kettleball. I got a 10 pound kettle bottle to do go, whatever the fuck, rushing getups. And I'm doing this fucking squats.

I just wanted to move blood in my knee. I wanted to fucking move. The swelling has been going down, but I've been working on. I've been putting ice on it and taking the Advil at night. So I did like five sets

of 15 squats in the house with 10 pounds, just to loosen it. And I said, fuck it. I try to do push-ups. I can't do push-ups. I can't do like four. four fucking pushups. That's it, right?

I get to the girl pushups when I get on my knees. I can't do it. I did like four pushups. I can't do. I'm not going to get a workout. I went outside, and it was 10.30 at night, man. And people were walking their dogs and shit with slippers on. And I'm out there doing fucking swings. I swear to God, it was hysterical. And I did like six sets of swings with the heavier kettlebell. And I did five sets of cleaning jerks. I did a couple more squats. Then I went upstairs, took a shower, and fucking went to bed.

And I fell asleep, which is after. you work out, you can't fucking fall. See, I fell asleep. I got up at 3.30 because I just woke up at, you too? Yeah. I just woke up at 3.30. I drank some coffee. The cats were waiting for me.

I hugged them. I'm in a better mood when I fucking play with the cats in the morning. I play with them this morning. Evie bit me. I love when she bites me. Sometimes I scratch her back and she gets so excited. She just reaches over and gives me a little cling on the arm. Just let me know who the captain Kirk is of the fucking enterprise.

So it was just a, you live and learnly. With every fucking acting job, but every time I do stand-up, I learn something. People think that you wake up one day and you're just a stand-up or you're just an actor. And I'll tell you what, man, it takes work. Everything takes work. And that's what people forgot.

I forgot for a long time. I really, when I was 21 and 22, man, I just wanted to be something. Yeah. I didn't want to work. I didn't want to put the work in. I didn't want to fucking... I didn't want to do nothing.

I didn't think it was necessary. People become whatever all the fucking time. And it's so weird now to look at that. value that I had that was no value I had no fucking respect I thought that you just got given to you that was the mentality I had and I'm really happy that uh it's 19 it's 2,000 fucking 14 so it's 30 years ago that I got the riot at red to be my uncle the same uncle that was on the podcast that day wow 30 years but that fucking he had beaten man he's like listen man the world don't know you nothing he it was shocking to me like

when he made that statement to me, I'm going to grab a water. That was one of the most shocking fucking statements I had ever wore. Like, I had never heard that before. I thought, like, I had money coming to me, and people were going to fucking pat me on the shoulder and give me a fucking job. And, boy, was I in for a fucking cold heart in the alley. Yeah, I mean, when you get to that point,

you're, like, up through high school, I mean, for you was a little bit different because your mom passed away and everything. But, I mean, for me, I was lucky enough to have a job. dumb, but life isn't that hard up until then. For you, it was a little bit different for the last five years, I guess.

But you even said up until 15, you had a pretty easy life. I was spoiled rotten. I'm lying to people when I say I was spoiled rotten. I had to work. I had to do chores. I had to walk. You know, I had to pay bills in those days.

Like in the summertime, I was allowed to do what the other fuck I wanted to. But I had to do something for her every day. Like I had to get up early in the morning and go walk and pay the fucking water bill. Or walk and pay the fucking phone bill. She could mail it in those days. Uh-uh. You're going to walk it.

You're going to see what it is to pay a bill. You know, here's the money. Don't lose it. You better fucking pay the bill. Don't let nobody take this fucking money from you. Go pay the bill. You know? I had a vacuum.

I had to do my own laundry at a young age, you know, which I'm thankful for. Oh, yeah. Which I'm very thankful that I do. Because I still do to this day, man, if I'm moving around and I see the bathroom needs to get clean, I clean the bathroom. If I need to vacuum some mornings, I'll fucking vacuum. Last night, my wife was putting the baby to sleep. I did the fucking dishes.

It really doesn't mean nothing to me to do that type of work, you know, and it's really weird. My mother used to, she prepared me to have a wife. Like she goes, it's not all about you. You got to help out too. You know, do the vacuum and take the garbage out. Help with the dishes, you know. and I can't do everything all the time. You know, I'm in and out of the house.

I got to run to the computer. I'm old, man. Sometimes when I get a thought, I got to fucking write it down now. Those days are, ah, I write that down later. Those days are fucking long gone. I got a fucking, I really got to fucking get a thought. Once I get a thought, I got to fucking run with it. I got to go do something.

So those days are over with. But she didn't make me get a job in sorts, but I'm lying to you. Because the summer before she died, I had a job working for Severino Construction. But that was my decision. It was across the street from my house. It was brickwork. I wanted to lose some weight. I wanted to get strong.

It worked out in the sun every day. Fucking hot. It was humid. But it helped me build a lot of character. It's really weird with all those jobs did to me. Oh, yeah. It's really weird when you're young, what a job means. Like somebody once told me, when you apply for a job,

when you come out of college, they don't really give a fuck what you went to school for. The main point is that you did something. something for five years and stuck with it or four years. That's what they say is that they can see that you're going to meet a deadline and you're going to go for four years. I mean, at least for me, that's what it's been. What the fuck? What did you learn in college?

What did they really teach in those four years? I learned the basics of what I wanted to do with editing. But fucking, if you think about it, not really that much. They spend a lot of time. on the history of it so I guess you can respect the history but if I had to take a test on any of the stuff I learned probably wouldn't pass any of it it's it's very interesting I mean I don't even know if I would if I could remember like that I would be very interested to know up until what point in like high school math I

could get and still do it even this this amount of time later I don't think I could. I don't think I could get it up to the senior year. Just being very honest, I mean, math and science were my worst subjects. I was terrible at them. I just couldn't. Science and math, other than algebra,

just never clicked with me. Especially geometry. You did a lot of construction, so I don't know if it was easier for you. But the angles and the different triangles, I could never get in my head the differences. And it was always a struggle. The main point about map is one day you look at it and go,

what the fuck am I going to need this for 20 years from now? Yeah, of course. Sorry, I'm eating a fucking hubby bar. A apple one. A white chocolate with crispy nuts in it. You know what I'm saying? I need to get the blood sugar up. Oh, got refueling it too.

Don't get confused, cause I don't waste my time in a regular chocolate bar. It's like people bring cookies to the house. Now you got we eating it, no. Let me bring cookies. Take those away with you. I don't need that shit. That's like getting a car without gasoline. You know what I'm saying?

I need that aggravation in my fucking life. I'm just, that was my problem. But they made you take math courses to be more analytical towards your law career. But after a while, I'm like, why do I fucking need to notice a, you know, just fucking triangle, whatever the, you know, after a while, when was the last time

you used anything to do with 3.14 pot? Right. What was the, you know what I'm saying? I mean, they teach it to you so your mind can have different fucking ways to go. So when you are writing, you see things from a different fucking perspective.

But you really don't fucking, you know, later on you say to yourself, what the fuck do I need this for? Say geometry for me, not geometry, geography. Yeah. I didn't give a fuck what Tunisia was. Yeah, and for me, my mom used to get mad at me,

especially for like geography, that's a very good example. I forget, I feel like it was middle school where you had to know where each state was. I wouldn't study until the night before and I would just cram it. I would cram everything. Paula studies during the week,

and I'm like, I don't know how you do that. I crammed for every single test I ever had. We've decided this is... Well, I know that's not how you're supposed to do it. No, we have it, yeah. But I was, I was very lucky that I could cram and get a B or an A, and then it's gone. So it's... To me, college was a kindergarten preschool for life.

You get laid, you eat some ass, you learn how to clean your room, maybe you got to pay rent. Your mom still sends you a check, but at least you got to write a check now, you know, for the rent. I think that's what college. really is to me. It wasn't that for me. For me, I was just, I was so proud just to walk around the campus. When I'd walk around a campus to me,

it's like me walking around fucking Sony now. Have you ever seen me when I walk around Sony? It's like going to fucking Disneyland for kids. When I walk around Sony, because that's where I belong. You know what I'm saying? When you do what we do, that's where you belong. That's as good as it gets.

You're up there hanging out with fucking Japanese people and shit like that. That's as good as it gets. You walk past Adam Sandler's, office you walk past all these offices you know they shoot movies that's what you wanted to do that's what you know i didn't know if that age i wanted to shoot movies but i love fucking movies so for a guy like me when i'm walking around sony i see at different museums at this studios where they shot i love lucy i'm in fucking hell i'm in heaven you know i'm not i'm in hell but i'm in

fucking heaven at the same time you know but it's just so weird that that's what it's like for me when i was getting education i really got my dick hard because after high school when i quit and all that, I never really thought I'd be involved with that again. Oh, it was allowed to even walk into a fucking institution that taught. So when I went to Colorado Mountain College, even though it was a high school campus, and that night they turned into a college campus, for me, I may believe it was fucking Harvard. For a guy like me, it was fucking Harvard.

It had to be, because it's all I had. You know, and then I went to Colorado. I always loved knowledge. I don't know how somebody in life does not love knowledge. You know, you can't fucking know about everything, but you can know a little. little bit about everything and see whether you want to move forward or not. I always loved that at that age. You know, I know I didn't like the moon.

I didn't like Star Trek. I didn't give a fuck about none of that shit. I liked about life. I liked people. I liked looking at people. You know, I could sit there for hours and just stare at people walking around New York City. To me, that was the best thing about New York City. I would get fucking Superstone, go in a pay booth, sit on it, like those pay phones in the old day.

And I'd just make believe. I was talking on the phone. and I just watch people leave, walk around, communicate. I love that shit. Yeah. I've always loved to see people in their fucking environment. And when I walked around Boulder, like, forget Colorado Mountain College, but when I found out that I had a transfer to Boulder to me,

I felt so fucking empowered because this is a real fucking school, not the school. I want to go to, you know, I'd rather be a Tarheel or I'd rather be a fucking Texan or something like that. But this was still fucking college, you know? Yeah. So, I mean, I don't even know how we start this fucking conversation. I do wish they had, and someone put it on Facebook, so if it's someone who's listening, I'm sorry to remember your name. But I wish they had, like, sort of a life course because they never teach you about taxes. They never teach you about about a thousand things, like paying your bills.

I got very lucky, and the jokies, I'm Jewish, so I'm naturally good with money. There's the dues who aren't. I'm naturally okay with paying my rent, but I know a lot of people my age who go bankrupt in three years because they're buying, they're buying things. They don't know how to budget. They don't know how to sign up. They don't know when you're going for an apartment, how to call and get your water turned on. Like that to me, like your last year in high school would be a great class. How to pay your taxes. Are you fucking kidding me? No. Don't forget about me. Don't forget about me in 10 minutes, all right? Yeah, call me in 10 minutes. minutes. Bye, thank you. Not this number, the other one I gave you. Bye. Listen, brother. I knew nothing about paying taxes.

Yeah. I knew nothing about the things you're talking about. But I mean, fucking Jesus Christ, Lee, if you've got to take a course to learn how to open up a bank, how to pay your water bill. But it's more important to me than learning pie. I mean, I don't know exactly what would be in the course, but there's

thing is like So tomorrow morning You move to New York City Right Tomorrow morning you go Fuck Paul And fuck you Joey I'm moving to New York City

You just got out of college You go to New York City Yeah You go you buy a newspaper You ask you one of your friends How do I find an apartment They said you gotta get a newspaper You got to go online

You go online You find the fucking apartment You go up there You pay the fucking thing You sign up He tells you all by the way You gotta turn the water on And you got turn the electricity on

And you say to them You look at them Like you got three fucking hats You're like, how do I do that? You got to go down to water company, got to go down a phone company. Have a good day. That's your journey.

Well, yeah, that may- That's your journey. Maybe that one was a bad example. But I think there are a lot of things that a lot of people, I was reading something about foster kids the other day, how when they're 18, sometimes, if they don't get adopted,

and they're 18, they'll give them maybe some job training at most. But really, they're just, once you're 18, you're out of the system. They just, you're done. You have to take care of yourself. Kind of like what happened to you at 15. You know what, man?

I mean, you're the perfect example. You got very, not lucky, but you were very blessed that people took you in. Could you imagine at 15, let's say some, let's say instead of people taking you in, you got the million dollars your mom left you, whatever it was going to be. Could you, how long would that have lasted? I mean, I think, I think, exactly. I think in high school. A year because of a drug habit.

and because who I thought I was in my mind at that time, it would have taken a year. And it wasn't, but the main reason I would have blown that money would have been because of no common sense. Yeah, so basically the course is the common sense. It's no common sense. Lee, if I send you a visa fucking card and if things got $500 on it,

how are you going to go to first night and buy a fucking car? Do you follow me? When I got a visa in college, I knew it was a $500 limit. When I went to fucking Cocoa Locos, what was that restaurant you went through the last week, Red Robin and I dropped $50 every time I went. I know after eight times I had to pay this motherfucker

or I had one more time and they were going to tell me no good. Yeah, you know that but I mean, based on what's happening in society right now, there's a lot of people who don't know that. And Lee, I got to tell you something that's very fucking sad because Lee, I got introduced to the world the same way you did

a little bit by a little bit, the same way everybody does and you take something in, you take the information in, you investigate, and then you go attack it. That's it. You take it in. You know, I remember going, my earliest memories of New York City

was my mother saying to me, don't cross Broadway. Okay. That bitch wasn't even in the fucking door and I was across the street and Broadway. I learned how to cross the street. You know, you're a drive now. I drive now and I see people who wait for that light

and they wait for the hand and eight seconds. That's a West Westwood thing. Fuck you. I fucking learned how to dash across that street, whether there was a light or no light. If that light was green, I ran across the, fucking street and I ran across and run back and forth during green lights just to prove a

fucking point you know but I learned how to fucking cross the street somewhere in your mind you have to be adventurous somewhere in your mind you got to go fuck I don't want to get hit in the head with the fucking stick no more I either got to pick up a stick or throw it or whatever I think that I think that fear has a lot to do with not knowing I'm going to listen man I was scared as everybody else at that age I just fake the funk I just close my eyes put my life in God's fucking hands and I did the things I did. Sometimes I went into bad streets and sometimes I went into fucking good streets. I didn't know until I did it, Lee.

I didn't know until I did it. I want if this was fucking a perfect world, man, I'd want everybody to try everything. Good and bad. If they wanted to. If they wanted to, the option. I'm not saying you got to go out and murder somebody and be president of the United States, but I'm saying something in your realm. I tried everything, Lee.

I had that age because I didn't know what it was. was I'm not lying to you fucking people when I tell you I had every job if you want I will write it fucking down next time and we will sit here for an hour and tell you from management trainee jobs at lumber yards to management trainee yards at hurts to fucking I worked for a brick mason I then I washed brick with acid for another mason I was a carpenter's helper I was an electrician's fucking help I was a roofer I was a roof his help I was a roofing estimated I built fucking scaffolds and I quit once I had to put the second floor up you know because of the heights yeah I did everything I was a fucking bellman I was security at a hotel I was a fucking I was a cook's apprentice

at Benegans I worked at my mother's bar I worked at a Fuso's dugout guys we could go on this forever I'm 50 but for the last 20 I've been doing comedy so you're gonna go Joey from fifth I worked at a shirt company that loaded shirts he got to count the shirts and put them in shirts I worked at Mazbach century hardware loading trucks in high school I fucking pushed a wheelbarrow that's all you did all day down at two by 12 for Decalo construction for 45 fucking dollars a day that's it the concrete came and you did that for eight hours you just went like that and walk 50 yards and got the concrete and poured it and all those jobs it taught me one fucking thing it

taught me about not what I wanted to do but what I didn't want to do yeah the same thing with life you know when you when you walk around When I look at comedians, I wrote, I told you this a thousand fucking times. I look at other comments, I look at the accomplishments they have, and I learn from their accomplishments or from their failures, not what I want to be, but what I don't want to fucking be. You know, when it's 4.30 and you look at the clock and you got two more hours of taking concrete and going, shh, and walking back up and drinking water with a towel on your head

and putting cold water on your fucking neck. You know, this is not your future. This is good for today, but I have a dream, you know, and everybody has fucking 9,000 jobs. If you haven't, God bless you, I was that much of a loser. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I wanted to do everything. I sold cars, I washed cars, I detailed

cars. I worked at big old tires. Who worked at big old fucking tires? Me. That's who. Me. You said something very funny the last Monday where you said you saw the two people in the truck, like the apprentices, and he said, you look at the boss, you're like, holy shit, I hope that's not me. I worked

at Radio Shack for about a month and a half. And the moment I realized they had to get out of there is I got a $200 check and the manager came up to me and said is that the biggest check you've ever seen that's pretty awesome right and it hadn't I had made more money at CBS I was like he thinks a $200 check is awesome I'm like I got to get the fuck out of here yeah because it's how they look at things yeah my wife always says well I I had to get out of Bradford where I live because it's so small-minded. It was small-minded in my town, too.

Guess what? It was small-minded by YouTube. I remember the first time you told your friends you want to move to LA? Yeah. What they say to you. Everyone thinks it's crazy. And you know what? LA is a very small-minded town, too.

Everyone wants to do the same thing. If the entertainment industry got up and moved to Phoenix, then be four people here. So I think everyone, everyone's scared of where they're leaving. but the best thing I ever I grew up in a very nice town and there's a lot of kids who didn't have jobs but I never I know the best thing that I ever did was I didn't get an allowance and I had I've had a job since I was 14 and I got like my my biggest accomplishment probably before I graduated high school was I paid for my first car and cash I must have worked for years and I scrapped up two grand

and I went to one of those used car places where the guy just sits in the trailer all day. It's one of the creepiest places. Ever. Creepiest places ever. The paint was rusting off the hood. It was a Chevy Cavalier, a 97, and I was 16, so that was like 2004, 2005. And the horn didn't work.

I had to go get a horn placed in on the left-hand side, and fucking, people, because, and in my town, kids were getting BMWs. So when I would drive in, they called it, the Chevy, there was a, it was one. of those Cavalade, it was one of those cars that they have a special edition and it had, it was rally sport. It was a Chevy Cavalier rally sport and people used to like make fun of the rally sport. But you know what? I never got in a car accident with it. I never got a ticket with it.

And it fucking, it lasted me. It lasted me long enough that I gave it to my brother. Was it easy for you to make the move? Here it was. The only point it wasn't was when I got, for anyone, who doesn't know geography, Massachusetts, the next town,

next state over is Connecticut. I made it to Connecticut with my, I had just bought a car like a month before. I made it to Connecticut with all my stuff in the back and I pulled over on the side

of the highway and a little panic attack. I had to call my mom and I was like, my whole life's in the car. I didn't have a place out here. I moved into a hotel for the first week because I didn't want to ask

anybody to live on their couch I just felt weird about it. And I took the first, and I had a panic attack in Connecticut. it and then after that I was fine. I just did. I look people say I'm crazy

but you know what? It was a lot of fun and I can't imagine being a state farm salesman right now and if you're doing that and you're happy I'm not making it just wouldn't I wouldn't be able to do it. Listen, the best thing about life is variety

we all can't be the same and works for you. It doesn't work for me and doesn't work for the other guy. But it's amazing you know, everybody knows I'm writing a book and one of the chapters is leaving North Perkins, you know, and it's about me leaving. But it's not about me leaving, you know, it's about me moving.

I don't know, it's not really about me leaving. It's about, I don't know, just changing. You know, we always, one of the reasons why I didn't go to the blood test that day when I was supposed to join the Marines. It wasn't. I didn't know that. Yeah, I was supposed to get a blood test to join. the Marines. I went out and got fucked up the night before.

And I woke up the next morning. I always wake up. And the real fear I had was the blood, you know. But the real fear I had was I had friends that had gone to the service and had come back and they were still shitheads. Yeah. You know, and I didn't know what my thinking was about that. And at that time,

I always wanted something to change me. You know, like I know a lot of people are like, well, if I do that, that'll change me. If I get, like when I got married to Kathy, I bitch a lot about, listen, that, that That marriage was a shit fucking marriage. That's why I got the result I got.

That's why I have a child that I don't talk to. That's why I have an ex-wife that don't communicate with them. We hate each other and I hate her more than life itself. Because I lied. It was a big fucking lie. And I learned a lesson never to lie in any sort of relationship. Be open from day one because if you're like, I'll put it away till later. It's not going to work out for you, you know?

I always thought that something would change me. I think most people in this country, I'm waiting for fucking to see Jesus in the bush because it's going to change them and I was one of those people. Right, we have a call, come here. Oh, all right, let's do it. Oh, shit.

What's up, Jerry D? It's my main Australian brother, Justin Fortune. For a lot of guys who know Justin has a successful all around Jim in Hollywood. He's one of my best buddies, one of my favorite people because he says it how it is. How are you today, my friend?

Pretty good, mate. Pretty good. You're down there, throw. throwing fucking kicks for Jesus, making a few dollars. Everything is beautiful. I'm going to make a few bucks. But I want people to know. I want to survive in Sunny California.

Fuck yeah, and it's going to be hot today. You're going to have a lot of water sales today, cock sucker. There you go. You're going to be selling a lot of water. Justin, you know I've loved you since day one when you had the weed store next to the gym and you were building it, and you'd always talk to me from the heart. You're one of the few Hollywood people

that says what the fuck is on his mind. You throw a mother. You make dollars. I'm not Hollywood. Fuck those punks. You make Donald Sterling look like a fucking faggot, that cock sucker. And it's crazy that about a month ago, I was watching TV, and I'm watching the thing about Pachial,

and there you are the fucking strength and conditioning coach for fucking Pachia. Which you did before years ago. Yeah, years ago. We did him for like six, seven years. Fucking seven years. Then you laid off for a while, opened your own gym. Yep. And now you're back in this fucking champ.

You got other guys. and I just want to tell you, man, that I fucking love you, and I'm proudy, and people were calling me going, that's your buddy you always talk about on TV. That's Justin, oh shit. What's going on, buddy? How's it feel to be, you know, what goes in to training a fucking Pachial instead of training a guy like me?

Paci-O just bringing him back to what we used to do. He wasn't doing that before. I mean, when we were training Manny, when me and Freddie were together, 2002 to 2008, he was knocking out everybody. I mean, he was just going through the divisions. Like, he was crazy. And that's it.

That's what he wanted to bring back was the old school training. So, you know, you can pretty much say and do whatever you want. You can hit people up with scientific this and that and fucking machines and all sorts of crap. But when it really comes down to it, especially with fighters and fighters are a whole different animal. it's really back to basics. It's back to what people used to do in the old days when they had a job and they used to go and fight. They work digging ditches or shoveling fucking dirt and mud and then they go to the gym and they train and they fight. They were strong, hard men.

And, you know, that's what I do. I bring them back to where it was. They don't like it. And I don't give a shit and if they don't like it and quit and they're their fucking problem. But, you know, that's what it is. I mean, I watched some of the things you did with them, but when you mean like strength training, what do you mean? Like running more? Well, I didn't have much more.

I didn't have a lot of time this time with Manny. 25 weeks. I had to work more on explosion and speed. But everything, you know, have the road ball and stuff. Everything we do simulates old style hard work. You know, fucking sledgehammer, shoveling, lifting tires, lifting weights, lifting sandbags, stuff like that. push up fire metrics, you know, that's what it simulates. You can invent 100 things.

You can put, you know, all these guys do machines. Machines are restrictive and they slow you the fuck down. So I don't give a shit whatever it says. And plus, fighters, people in general can be lazy on machines. They can tuck shortcuts. So you never saw a fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger or Zane or, you know, Mr. Olympia using machines. It was always free weights.

because free weights give you the full range of movement, same sort of basic principle. You know, it's amazing how much things have changed. When I was in high school, was five sets of six, you know, the basic body parts, you know, behind the neck, front of the neck squats.

And now everything is completely different. And I don't know if it's science. They want to make it different, Joey. They want to make it different. It's not fucking different. You know, like I said, I just bringing back old school style training. You got different equipment

and equipment that mimics what you used to do because you can't get hold of, you know, wool batterers and stuff like that, you know what I mean? It's not, it's just, it just mimics that, and that's what it does. But there's different fighters now, mate, too. But, you know, they don't really want to do that fucking tough, the hard, hard yards.

You know what I mean? No, it's... It's where I'll wear the bitch bar. They don't want to look like they want to be a fighter. Just don't want to look like a fighter. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. It's funny how I went to Yeah, it's the truth, Australia

Everybody wants to fucking go to heaven And it's the same in my... It's the same in every fucking walk of life Everybody wants to be a star But nobody wants to fucking do the work, you know So then they don't get what they go You know, our heavyweight division is fucking disgusting Yeah

When we're fighting, I talk to Tyson a lot Mike's the same sort of opinion as me It's like nobody wants to stand there And take the fucking beaten You know, I mean they don't want to quit They'll quit on the stool all of. So, you know, back,

we were only fighting in the 90s. And the 90s were a whole different area of the fight with then, too. You know, they were good heavyweights in every fucking gym. They were good heavyweights. And they would all fight. They would take their fucking,

take their beatings and take their wins. But they wouldn't fucking quit. No one never heard. Very rarely they'd ever heard of everyone quitting on a stool. You fought to your dropped or you fought to the referee stopped it. But now, these days, like Jesus.

I don't know what it is. I used to watch boxing. I grew up on boxing like everybody else my age. I'm 51 years old. You know, I grew up on Duran and all, you know, Sugar Ray. And in my mind, it seemed like they fought more. In my mind, they fought like twice or three times a year. They what?

They did fight more. I mean, you know, there were more. Boxing was premier. Now we've got MMA sort of cut into our business a little bit. Boxing is coming back. Unfortunately, all the small divisions, The 40s, 47s, you know, light 18, 22,

they're all keeping boxing alive because the heavyweights are doing absolutely terrible. Once the heavyweight comes along, like a good one, American, black, Mexican, white, no one gives a shit so long as he's American, Mexican-American, who gives a fuck? But he has to be an American heavyweight that wants to go in there and hurt people,

like a Tyson, Hollyfield, Beau, you know, then boxing will take a massive jump. Until that happens, it's the little guys, little divisions that are actually keeping this sport alive. I mean, they're great fights and great fighters and stuff and they're good to watch, but there's nothing like, you know,

you agree, there's nothing like watching a fucking heavy weight. No, no, no, nothing. I don't even, I can't name a heavyweight right now except Klishko, right? That's it, right? That's all I know in the back of my fucking mind. And I try to stay on top. It's sad because you can't name a heavyweight

in America, which is really fucking tragic because this is the premier. country for you know you guys have produced phenomenal head weight over the years and these days you can't name one well you know what at least they got they got heavy weights in m m ms they got your boy ver doom they got some people making it happen so that's not how's that you know that's mhm it's not you know that's i like imagine you know i train bubbly for years i train for them Schwab

and all those guys you know it's a great sport they're good sports men they're fucking ridiculously shit and they're disciplines

but you know I'm not a boxing guy but I like my I like boxing I'm not too big on MMA now when people

now at your gym you have a you work hands on at your gym there and you have like two classes that you call

like death right it's like Tuesdays and Saturdays and what is that what is that entail? Just a whole bunch of conversion. It's like CrossFit.

Excuse me. We were doing CrossFit before Crosswood was fucking invented with this sort of shit, you know what I'm? It's just hard, a fucking suicide circuit. It's hard work. The hour of 15 minutes, 3.30 second rest. And that's it. If you survive, good.

If you quit, it's your problem. You know, it's amazing. I want to get pro-team. They're mostly geared up for my fighters. And, you know, of course, people jump in because they want to do them, and I have a good cool people that are very fit, and they keep doing it, and they love it. So it's mostly geared forward towards fighters. Now, let me ask you this.

Like, I had this problem. Like, a month ago, I went to get protein powder. And the guy says to me, when are you drinking the protein powder? I go, when I wake up in the morning to get my day started, I don't like eggs, you know, so I rather drink protein powder. And at night, this guy's like, no, you're doing it wrong. You have to do it as soon as you finish working out. New scientific proof says that a minute after you finish working out,

you have to drink that. I'm thinking to myself, fucking Sergio Lever didn't drink no fucking protein powders after he lifted weights. He was just fucking fine. You know, it's amazing like these new rules, how they try to scare the fuck out of you.

You have to drink it on the way home in the car. I don't want to drink no milk, I'm not even fucking hungry. Timing's good. It works on certain things, but, you know, it's not as critical as what they say straight away. I mean, if you're within the hour, I mean, I don't know, if you finish doing a hard workout,

how the fuck are you going to swallow drop down a fucking protein shake? I know. I'm not fucking hungry. There you go. I mean, you know, but then it's what they say. I mean, my friend Sonny Schmidt, you know, Mr. Universe was a master's. You know, this guy was just fucking genetically freaking gifted. So, you know, he's eating pizza four weeks out of a competition and stuff.

son of a bitch. That's fucking amazing. Now, I've been trying to get to hold you. And then he was just gifted, what do you want? I've been trying to get a hold of you for a few weeks. So you spend half the day at Wild Card training over there? Yeah, I got a couple of Freddy's fighters and Antonio DeMarco and a Chinese bloke working with him. I'd like to get some more.

I'd like to get it. uh codo but i don't know how coto is going to go against um martinas but it's interesting fight okay i know that uh you're at wild card half the day and then you're at fortunes after day and back up here and what time are you at fortunes during the day um i'm here from usually from about six in the morning through to 11 11 30 and i'm down a wildcar for three four hours and i'm back up here if a fat fuck like me wanted to get started with justin fortune what What do you have to do? They come in to the morning classes at 7 o'clock,

and then that way you get more attention, and I can work with before and after that. I'm pretty much screwed up with fighters and for people like that. And from 7 to 8 to class last? Yeah, 7 to 8. And that's 6 days a week? 6 days a week, mate. And that's the suicide one.

The fucking you kill motherfuckers. So suicides on Saturday. during the waist, just conditioning and boxing classes getting you ready for the sat-day class. Sad that is pretty fucking brutal. Well, I love you, brother,

and I'm happy that I've always wanted to have you on, and I think now is the perfect opportunity. I'm happy you're doing your thing, man. You're one of the few people in Hollywood. Listen, you're one of the few people I go over that fucking hill when I go over that fucking miserable hill, and I stop and say hello to you

because no matter what's going on, you always bring a smile. my face because there's no bullshit. There's some strange people over here, you know that. Oh, man. If it was up to me, I get you, me and Macca, get some fucking machine guns and start shooting motherfuckers right there on sunset. I love you, buddy.

Thank you for taking the time. I know you're busy. I'll be down to visit you next week, my brother. All right, mate. Send her the better. Thank you, brother. Cheers, mate. That's a real fucking Australian there, cocksuckers.

That's the real. Lee, I'm going to sing you down there. All right, let's call. I'm going to let's know. Let's. I'm sending it down on a fucking parachute. I'm going to have him punch you. Look how tired you are.

You didn't even sleep last night, cocksucker. I mean, I can tell when you got beady eyes and shit. No, I mean, I'm a little bit tired of, I'm fine. What time do you? What time do you go to bed last night? 12.30. Oh, and wait until you tell you, I'm making you carry this table on your back and shit. What's do it?

Where Steve Salmon? I don't know. You didn't see him last night? I saw him last night. Yeah. What do you say? He's going to be around. He said he said if you need him, yeah.

Get together. The cocksucker. Look at you. Let me get a flex. Let me get something. You all fucking morp today. Put on some music for Uncle Joey. What do you want?

Let me see. I got to get something. Must be the music by fucking nucleus. I'm not nucleus. I don't even know who sang that song. I want you to wiggle today. You're not wiggling. You're all fucked up today and shit.

Cocksucker. Look at you. I'm excited for tonight. The big room. We've never been in the big room before. No, man. We sold that yesterday, so they put us in the fucking big room. So, oh shit.

Wiggle from Uncle Joey. Let me see the one. Oh shit, a little something. Let me see that smile. Oh shit. Who sings this? Not nucleus. Uh, secret weapon?

Secret fucking weapon. One of you crazy motherfuckers on my, uh, Joey beers, eating that page, sent me a bunch of like old disco last night. And I put it on and I almost cried. And this was one of the fucking songs. I had forgotten all about this. This license snort coke, too. And he'd asked to, when I was graduating.

The church of what's happening now? Eating ass and seven. Mother fucking three. Cleo's in town. How you like that one? Is she here yet? Fuck, she's here. I think she was down there with waterboxers smoking reef her. Oh shit.

Waterboxer had her out in the fucking ocean jumping up and down. You know water boxing and you're fucking around. You're not wiggily. Plans and lights. Move into the beat. Oh shit, Lee. Let me see you. Wait a little.

What? What? Drop a leak. Can we play this before? I don't know. You like it? You heard this in your other dream when you were Johnny Bananas in New York City. in the 70s what what all right kill the fucking music the fucking out we're going

cocks sucking what I was I say to but it's funny we were talking about before how I had buddies who joined the service came back and they were still fucking drunks there was still causing fights but I was always looking for something to change me and I think that that's what most people are looking for I don't think people change yes they do change you think so fuck yeah I think aspects of them but I think everyone because we were talking yesterday and been like Steve Simone had a friend

who he hasn't seen in 20 years and they went right back at it I think aspects of people can change like people can get off drugs and stuff like that but I think at their core everyone's going to be the same person they were than when they were six years old at my court when I was six lee

I was not a bad kid I was spoiled I was uh you know I was around women all the time you know I wasn't shy and then as I got older you know my craziest point When I was 12, I was crazy. Like, I was taking 20s from my stepfather. You know, he'd had all this money in the fucking house,

and I would take a 20 here and a 20 there. But I wasn't like a thief in the streets and nothing like that. That wasn't mine. And I think, yeah, you're right. People's, there's no way I'm the same person I was when I was 21. There's no way. You know, I was watching a kid show the other day with my daughter. She was just sitting on my lap, and they were talking about something.

And they said that when someone. of these angry it's because their dreams got crushed and god damn it hit me like a a fucking brick you know because that was my problem from the year i was 20 to i was 30 i had the anger get in my fucking way i had this anger from 16 to 24 let's just say right then it went away one of my biggest dreams got crushed i just wanted to be part of a family that's it you know your dream gets crushed. You just want your mom to see you do something. Even though I didn't know what the fuck I was going to do,

one of my dreams got crushed. It was the dream of my faith, my hope, my belief. You know, God took my mother. At that time, that's how I felt. That's how I felt. So sure, the continuing threat of my life is fucking anger. You know, and then I got rid of the anger for a while. And then I got married.

Then I got divorced. And again, the wind's change on me. You know, here's this lady I knew that we're friends making up lies about me and I can't see my daughter that destroyed my core that set me fucking off for a couple years that set me awfully

from 94 to like 98 out of my mind was always at that point was a walking time bomb just having that needle that thing that little thread so people change just from that because people go through different things in their life somebody might lose a wife

somebody might lose a child somebody might lose it things affect people in the most different fucking ways. You've had somebody talk to you about a problem and they're furious and their faces red and they're crying from the anger

and you're like, this isn't that big of a problem but to them it's their whole world. Yeah. You know, in 1995 when I got arrested for assault in Seattle, I thought that was the end of my relationship with my daughter which it was, but it really wasn't because of that. It was because

of other things. You know, there's no way I have maybe six things of the qualities I had at 21 now and they're the only qualities that kept me a lot. Yeah, but do you think like maybe, yeah, you don't do drugs anymore and you said you weren't a thief at that age, but I think at least, I mean, granted, I'm 25. My house is still here?

My hustle's still here. You push, you have the same qualities, but you push it in different areas. Right, you get better as we're like, we're all like, Wynley. We get better as we get old. It's not where the fuck we start is where we end, man. And I never knew that.

I thought I was doomed. You know, when you're 20 and 30, you think you're doomed. You're not doomed because your life could change right before your fucking eyes, man. You can meet a black chick, whatever. You could do a thousand fucking things. What think Donald Sterling was thinking about when he woke up Sunday. Donald Sterling was thinking about, what a beautiful there to be alive. I'm going to fucking get up.

I'm going to have that fucking half mutts, suck my dick with a camera on. I'm going to go home to my wife. Whatever the fuck he was doing, look how his life changed in two fucking days. Yeah. Your life could change in other ways, too. You could start a fucking company that ships T-shirts, right? You could go online and buy stupid T-shirts from a guy who's going on the business, put Boston Red Sox on and sell the T-shirts.

And some big company might fucking come up to you and go, we want to buy you out because you're our competition. We want to give you $300,000. Here, you were making $700 a week for fucking sending T-shirts, but this all happened because you did something, not because your life changed, but because you did something. Your life just doesn't change.

That's my belief. When I was a young man, I thought that, boom, I was going to be a bartender, or Hollywood producer was going to come in and give me a job, and I was going to change. I didn't think how Hollywood producer was going to come in. But I didn't know. I thought that fucking Barnes & Noble was going to come in. Asked me if I wanted to do a line of Coke and make me the VP of his company.

I actually believed that. Oh, you definitely have to work, but I think, I mean, you have the thing behind you with your picture as a kid. And maybe I'm wrong because I'm, I mean, I'm only 25, and I can always learn. I think the core of who you are is always going to be there. And you can change some of your behaviors, but at least from what I've seen so far, and, yeah, I'm 25. At least from what I've seen everyone's who they are.

No, no, no, no. I agree with you. You are. And I've said that, listen, you know, this whole thing teaches me and makes me laugh. And we talked about it Monday because it teaches you that fucking, you don't know the animal you're dealing with, but you do. First they knew he was a, they didn't know he was a racist. Now little by little Karima, DeJibar, knew he was a racist and took his money.

They all knew he was a racist and took his money. Most people act surprise. Like the NBA expert, do you think that's the only owner of the NBA that thinks that way? No, and did you see that they're not mad at his wife? Like they let the wife come to the game last night because, oh, this is hurting her just as much. She's been married to him. She knew exactly what was happening. And I, it's just the answer.

Your life could change, but you got to do something to fucking change it. You know, and it's, and these are the mistakes I've made as a young man. I always thought that a big vault of lightning. I got married because I thought it would change my life. And then when it didn't change my life, I got pissed off with marriage. Oh, marriage sucks. No, marriage ain't supposed to change you. Nothing's supposed to change you.

Exactly. You got to look in the mirror and go, you know what? I'm going to change me. I don't like that about me. You know, I don't know. I'd have to sit down. This is like one of those questions where we spoke about the fucking role model. I'm going to have to sit down and write this shit out because I know that there's basics of me that changed.

I was always a hustler, and I always love fucking working. I always like flipping a buck. There was something about those singles and that money in my mother's purse busting out from the tips. She got bartending and from the cash. I guess my mother deposited money but kept cash, you know, whatever. Just all that cash being around got me fired up when I was a kid. I wanted that cash. And I still remember, and I told the story.

One of my biggest accomplishments as a kid was when I bought a box of glue to sell Sticky Charlie, the guy that was addicted on glue. To me, at that age, to buy a box of glue at 7 to make 20 cents a tube was everything to me. I was a business owner. Right. But it doesn't, that still hasn't changed. At 7, I still saw, wait a second, we can make 20 cents on this motherfucker. And I didn't learn that.

That wasn't who I was. That's what the regular kids in the neighborhood were doing, and they opened my eyes to it, and I enjoyed it. They also opened my eyes to fucking, you know, throwing bricks off the fucking bridge of cars as they were going under on the West Side Highway. I didn't enjoy that either. You follow me?

So that's why I'm talking about you got to try everything. You got to try. When I was eight, I took a solid, I took a wooden stick and a piece of wood and I released weeding on it, and I started on my own weeding company. But it's, and I think the marriage is, a good example for you

because you said even on the plane to the honeymoon you knew it wasn't going to work out I knew it wasn't going to work out the first marriage I fucking knew it but then you found Terry and it doesn't matter that you're married but it's just you found the person who you're supposed to be like not even supposed to be with

but like who matches well with you and and it happened when you were off when you got off the drugs so it's just it was the evolution of life man if you're a good person Let me tell you something, man. I had a lot of fucked up problems.

You know, Rogan was telling me that somebody wrote a web page and they said how much of a shithead Rogan was because of the people he hung out with. It didn't hurt my feelings. It made me laugh. Because people assumed because I kidnapped somebody and I, you know, sold drugs and whatever, that I'm a bad person.

And in many fucking dead qualities I was a fucking bad person. Who are you kidding? I'm not going to sit here and tell you I was father Teresa or mother Teresa, whatever his fucking name. was but at the same time I could have killed that motherfucker and I didn't there were little things in me that knew was a mistake you know we all make mistakes and now you people gonna say to me what about that guy that molested that fucking 16

year old girl was that a mistake I don't know we weren't there what he did was wrong I'm talking about any generalities generalities I'm talking about you know what I'm saying like sometimes people do you saying to me that somebody who stabbed their grandmother for crack money that was a mistake I wasn't there I don't know what they were thinking. I know if you talk to them five years after the fact, especially if there were drugs involved, especially if there were drugs involved.

A high level of drugs. Your thinking is definitely off. Maybe I'm misunderstanding you. I think you can always say that that was a wrong thing to do up, but maybe you're saying that they're not a bad person, maybe? The person, the person who stabbed their grandmother for crack money.

Like, I could, I mean, I don't know personally, that's always bad. but maybe they aren't crack and they're not a bad person is that what you're saying? We never know. We never fucking know. Listen, man, most of the people

who commit crime. Let's say you have 100% of people who commit crimes. Okay. I feel that maybe 30% can make crimes because of drugs. 30% commit crimes because of mental health.

Mental health is a huge issue. 10% commit crimes because of mental health and drugs whether or not the right dose. You know, because maybe a guy doesn't take the right dose or something, but he does a line of coke he's off and running. We don't know that that guy is also our meds.

Right. We don't know that. So you have 30% that are fucking on drugs, 30% mental health, 10%. I'm giving this much, and I'm giving 30% of people who are just fucking bad, people who are just fucking ignorant. You know, when I'm in a hotel on a Friday, and I come back sometimes fucking gangland is on. You know, and if you get scared by fucking MSNBC, why's gangland when they give them that whole life to it gang? See, and that's a good example because at 14, you just,

I see it a lot where Paula lives. He was very unlucky to be born there, and their dad and their brother are in that gang, so they join it just because they're 14 and that's what you do. So now when they're 30 and they've been in jail for 15 years, you're like, oh, that's a bad person. I see what you're saying. They're not maybe a bad person at the,

their core. What the actions I think can be seen as bad. But yeah, something like that you're like, what the fuck? Thank God I did something. Yeah. That I had a light

shine down me and I had a chance to overturn. I had a chance to apologize to the victim. I had a chance to apologize to myself. I had a chance to apologize to the universe. I understood the magnitude of what I had done. And if I was a bad person, it would have never happened again. But this is why you got to,

this is why you get tickets for speeding because it nubs you. You know, if you speed every day, like I do, we all do 60 or 70 on some side streets or whatever the fuck. You're going to get nailed one day. And this is why I'm a firm believer in that sometimes, like in my case it worked out. In my case, every morning when I wake up, I thank the Lord or whoever the fuck is up there in the universe for giving me another day. But by the time I walk to the shower and I'm pissing, I also thank that judge. I also thank that judge because he gave me belief.

He gave me a second chance with the reconsideration motion, and I did the best I could. for him. You know, I always think of that motion. I've always thought of that reconsideration motion because I could end up in prison again. I thank myself every day that I didn't end up with a fucking tattoo under my eye, talking about C block, how it's going

on in C block. Are you fucking crazy? Yeah. There ain't nothing going on in fucking C block. So, like, what do you think, if there's a, if you think, let's say, like, the 30% of people are just bad, should we just keep them in jail? Like, what do you think about the three strike law? They're not suitable for society.

Yeah. They're not suitable for society, man. They're not suitable for society. If you can't keep it together, if I let you out twice, and you can't keep it together, you just prove to me that you can't keep it together. Right.

We run a business here, correct? If you were editing and you missed work three times, you'd be fired? Yeah. Right, and I'm not being two-faced here. That could be me. I could have stayed in Colorado, smack John.

But again, he kidnapped somebody and then he fucking smacked somebody there's a pattern there and thank God I've gotten into situations but the cops have not come I've gotten away before the cops came you know when I got caught eating pussy in that basement

at that bar the cops are coming I know how to elude the cops the same way I know how to make a fucking crime so thank God I didn't have police contact in a lot of those situations because they might have made the wrong call but if I've got a felony in California it wouldn't affect it my three strike law and a lot of people do that they take

that criminality on tour, bitch. Fucking, I got two strikes in New Jersey. I'll fly to fucking Miami and start all over again. I knew when I got out of there the first time that that, like I said to you before, a lot of us don't know what the fuck we want to be, but we know what the fuck we don't want to be. We don't want to be that guy at 7-Eleven.

We don't want to be that rich guy on a plane that makes a fucking big scene and throws his jacket and it's pissed off because his seatbelt don't fucking work. We know who the fuck we don't want to be. And that's even better than knowing who the fuck we want to to be some time. That's true. You know, so I knew when I got out of there, I did not want to spend my life. I love getting up at fucking 4.45 and driving over and drinking coffee and petting my cats. You don't pet no cats in prison. Or maybe there's a couple of fucking

prisons to let your fucking pet take that. I understand what you're saying. But that's the fucking word of the day, cock suckers. All right. If you don't know what the fuck you want to be, at least know what the fuck you don't want to be. Do you hear what happened yesterday with the failed execution? Which one? I didn't even know what you got to execute. It was like Arkansas. I forget what state it was, but they were going to ask you two people. And there's an issue going on right now because the people who used to make the drugs, like they got illegal. Somehow they can't use the same drugs anymore, so they're trying to figure out a new mixture. They did it to one guy yesterday. His vein popped, and he like had a hard attack. It took him 45 minutes to die,

so they canceled the second one. Just like, I can't even, ooh. I read that, I was like, holy shit. I don't know how I feel, but on different days, you'll ask me, about the death penalty and I'll go back and forth on it but when you hear stuff like that you're like Jesus Christ you know you know you want to believe an eye for an eye but on some situations you're like an eye for an I don't know I don't fucking know if God forbid somebody killed a friend of mine's family member and we couldn't get our hands on them you know a child something and we couldn't get our fucking hands of them what do you do you really rest because somebody's dead do you really rest because somebody's dead do you really

rest because somebody's doing time in prison. Mm-hmm. And it's easy to say, yeah, do the death penalty. But then you're like, well, could I press the button? Does it? It's a crazy. And so when I was younger, I used to be totally for it. But now I'm like, Jesus Christ, it's a, that's a weird thing to tell somebody they're

going to die. And then, like, this happens, like, the freaking guy's vein explodes. He's a heart attack 45 minutes later. It's, uh... No, it's just, listen, people, what the fuck are you going to do? You kill somebody, you fucking got to die You do something heinous They're gonna fucking kill you in this fucking country

And that's the way it is It's not one of my main beliefs Because that could have been me For the grace of God That could have been fucking me But no, it wouldn't have It wouldn't have been me But I'm just saying

I don't know What if you went back into the house with that gun Because you said you were going to the car To get a gun Like do you ever think about that What if you just made the good? I think about that every day I think about those two minutes

Every fucking day I ain't gonna lie at you What made you change your mind Every day when I go on my car and I see that car and I look at a trunk, I think of that situation. Every day, I can't lie to you. That situation haunted me for years. It haunted my manhood. It haunted whether or not I was a fucking pussy.

It haunted me for years. And the answer is here I am 30 years later. Here I am 26 years later. That's the only answer I had for that. That was one of the toughest decisions in my life. And I was under the drugs. and I had the drugs in my system you know they weren't in my system at that time

but they were so embedded in my system I had anger in my heart you know I had anger in my soul you know I was mad at society I was mad at my mother I was mad at God I was mad at everybody I wanted to be rich I didn't want to work I wanted to go to a bar

every afternoon to buy everybody a drink at a bar that's why I thought success was going to a bar and buying everybody a drink and being in a life of the party and snort and coke and you know I thought that's what it was getting on a yacht and that's not what it was and thank so part of me thanks god for that day I had the opportunity I mean we it was fucking scary it was scary because I went out and I put my hands on that gun and I remember the tears

coming out of my eyes I thought about everything for one minute man I thought about fucking everything and it was scary as shit it was one of the scariest things and I wanted to shoot because I knew this was going to come back and haunt me. It was one in the afternoon. You could hear a fucking pin drop. This was a low-caliber gun. It was a small, like a 25-I-I-don-I don't even know. It was something smaller.

I thought about all these variables. And then I thought about my Catholic faith. I thought about killing somebody. It's a mortal sin. But then I thought about karma. I lived in Boulder long enough at that time, and I had known about karma. A little bits and pieces of it.

I didn't want to believe it, but I knew it existed at 27. I didn't want to believe I thought people were lying to me but I had already seen bits and pieces of it things that made me go wow you know and something maybe put that gun right back in the tire well

getting the car and drive away and I remember getting back to my apartment and thinking to myself if my friends knew how much of a pussy I really was deep down inside but I couldn't kill these two fucking faggots and today I thank God I didn't because I don't think I could have handled it

yeah that must be a terrible thing to live with all this shit I talked I don't think I could have handled it. There's nowhere I could handle what she'd take him two lives. It wasn't when I was cut out to be, man. I feel bad about taking. When I step on a fly, when I kill a fly in my kitchen, and he goes, I feed him to Lulu.

You know that, right? If I get a fly, I take this wings off when I feed it to Lulu. And she torches him for a little while because it's science. It's evolution. I don't feel as guilty. I don't want, you know, sometimes I'll leave the back door open when I'm cooking. Yeah. I go to close the door and I got fucking small,

I got small fucking Ethiopia in my kitchen. I got a swarm of flies. You know what I'm saying? You ever had that? Like for some reason. I don't have cat shit in there. They just come in. It's cool in there, whatever. Now I've got to kill fucking flies.

My wife opens up more windows and more come in. And there was a thing by the other, by the window, by the cat food. And they kept coming in there. I had to fucking put Scott's tape on it and crazy glue the window. I fixed it. I took the tape off. I hate how tape looks at things. So I fucking fixed it.

And now I know if more flies come in. I hate fucking flies. One day I have been... Oh, one day I have Dean La Pree call. He goes, one of my memories of you as a kid is you fucking sitting around for I was killing flies and putting them in a circle. What, do you know the trick? Someone taught me this, and it works fucking, like, a good charm.

Take apple cider vinegar and dish soap, and he mix the dish soap in, and it fucking attracts them. And apparently the guy who told me it says that the soap makes it so they sink in, but they can't get out of it, and it gets rid of them. And you kill them, they die right that you can hear him going, help, help. I guess, I mean, you don't have to do anything. You go back two hours later on the cup's black. like it's fucking

I can't stand flies in it together Lee look at you you look stoned and you're not even stoned that's because you don't fucking sleep I do sleep when you eat yesterday what I eat yesterday I admitted sure I had hummus I walk to get hummus that's it

that's it that's it I'm gonna fucking tell on it to make you a hummus pill oh I'll take it what are the benefits of hummus look at it I just want to know I just want to know if hummus has any fucking

benefits once and for all cotsucked suck it. Deliciousness. Ten reasons we should all be eating more hummus. Let's see. Reason number one. The nutrients and hummus could help you

with weight management. Oh. Okay. If you eat like your fingers, like a regular fucking Hindu, but if you eat potato chips, will they rub it all over your fucking stomach. Yeah. Chickpeas can lower cholesterol. Hummus comes in a lot of awesome flavors.

Natalie Portman is obsessed with it. This is not helping my chickpeas may help reduce your cancer risk. Eating hummus is part of the Mediterranean diet, which is super good for you. It's better to use on bread. It's easy to make your own. Is that the 10 best reasons? I don't know. That really sucks.

Don't that 10 mess. Here we go. Here's five health benefits of hummus. The nutritional benefits of hummus can be rooted down from each of its ingredients. Chickpeas are healthy. They don't clean. don't contain any cholesterol or fats. They're also rich in protein.

They're effective in preventing buildup of cholesterol in the blood vessels. Apparently, tahini and olive oil are also pretty healthy. Garlic and lemon. And then, let's see. Hummus as a whole contains omega-3 fatty acids. Has iron,

vitamin B-6, manganese, copper, folic acid, and amino acids. Triptophan, and a whole bunch of shit. It's loaded with nutrients. Cryptophan. I don't know. Put it on fucking Peterbread and give me some steak. Fucking delicious. Get the fuck out.

You would fucking like it. If you, even if you didn't have the hummus, you like Mediterranean food. It's grilled meats. It's grilled meats and vegetables. Dog, how many times I tell you used to go to our Zia? Exactly. So fucking, so put the hummus to the side. They got the fucking salad, and they got that yellow rice. Humbus doesn't even smell.

It doesn't even smell. Put the hummus plate. Have you smelled your neck lately? Have I smelled my nose? Yeah, no. Scratch your neck and I can sniff it real quick. Sniffing. Delicious. It smells like fucking hummus.

No, I wish it did. Smells like hummus and chick-fil-A. Who the fuck are you kidding? Who the fuck are you? That's what they told you, the ten best reasons to eat hummus. How about the ten best reasons why not to eat hummus? You ready? Let me get a pen.

You smell like shit. You look like shit. You smell like shit. You smell like shit. You smell like shit. You smell like shit. You smell like shit. And guess what number ten is?

It tastes delicious. You smell like shit. more shit. Listen, get your life fucking together, cuck, okay, plain and simple. You want to get your life together. Start with Honit. Honor.com. Look at the products they got. Just sit, look, read. I don't give a fuck how long it takes. You're sitting on the computer looking at some fucking horoscope that don't mean dick. You might as well go to Onna and take care of yourself. Start with the Alpha Brain. Get the smallest bottle. Take a couple of hours. Got a money back

guarantee. You don't fucking like it, you send it back. That's all I got to tell you. You're gonna love you. You're gonna love how you feel. You're gonna love how you're selling this going then you go to the strong bone you go to the immune if you're around a lot of stinky filthy fucking kids or you're around some fucking people who fucking don't bathe and dirty take the immune uh shroom tech immune if you want more energy get there at the shroom tech sport you'll be jumping up and down for fucking hours you understand me they got kettlebells they got ropes they got digest dimes they got fucking protein piles the hemp force they got protein bars I mean

listen they they're doing things you wouldn't even dream of fucking nutrition companies doing start now get in with them now go to joey dears.net go to the honor box and press church church c h you are c h get 10% off if you like the uh the pills that much the powders whatever fuck you're taking sign up for on it what's the name of the problem stay on it every month you get the package delivered to your door the first of the month you get 20% off who's better than you all right number two what you be the wise guy number two dollar shave club when i was on the set yesterday I swear to God. Three guys, the playing Italian guys,

started talking about shick razors and all these fucking razors and this and that, how expensive they are and what they've been doing. I looked at all three and I go, you guys go to the Dollar Shave Club? Yeah. And they just looked at me like, what? I go, listen, $1, $6 and $9.

You get the fucking handle. They're like, is it plastic handle? Is it white? I go, no. You can use two of them as fucking new chucks, all right? You get those fucking handle, plus they're saying you're four blades a month. Let's say you only use two a month.

You want to put them on hold You can push them back You could fucking have a backstock If there's an earthquake today I'm shaving until 2094 I got more fucking raises than CVS You understand me

Plus they come right to your house Cheap price A dollar a month You still get the four raises I think they're double blades It includes shipping A dollar a fucking shipping A dollar a fucking month

Six dollars a month You get the double razors Sharper and fuck sent right to your door Nine dollars a month You get a double blade With the aloe strip If you want the fucking one-wipe charlies

to clean off your helmet after your pee. Because when you get older, your pee stinks like fucking ten dead fucking loolies. I don't even know what the fuck they smell like. You're fucking... What the fuck you want me to say? You know, what do you want me to say? It smells fucking terrible, your fucking helmet.

That's what I'm trying to tell you. Yeah. So a one-wiped charlies, they also have the cocoa butter shave, which the chick and makeup had yesterday. That cocoa butter stuff, that looks like... It doesn't even look like shaving cream. You can see it's clear. could see it's fucking clear.

Guys, go to Dollar Shave Club or go to Joey Diaz.net.net press in. Church. In the box. C-H-U-R-C-H. You're not going to be sorry. People fucking love me over this dollar shave because I'm saving your money.

If you go with a $6 package, it's what? $72 a fucking $72 a year. That's when you spend two times if you go to a pharmacy or one of those fucking rip-off fucking centers. That's all I have to tell you. Go to Dollar Shave Club. Number two, I just finished my sesame

fucking sticks from Nature's box. I put another order in. I order those things. I'm not just, you know, they send me a couple, but then I pay because I get the 50% off like everybody else does if they use their code. What's the code? Joey in the code for naturesbox.com.

Let me tell you something. Coco almonds, the plain-tane chips. It never ends with them. The black and white granola I just finished again. It never ends with them. Every snack is delicious. The nutritionist approved

the fucking spicy pistachios are delicious. Yeah. That text mix they got This fucking delicious dog I've never had a bad thing The apple fig Newton's My daughter fucking goes bananas She'll sit there like a fucking momo for an hour

Like a Coke fiend Go to naturesbox.com I'll go to Joy Diaz.net and Press Joey Who's better than fucking Lee Sire Look at him. You're looking on a show? What are you going to do today, Lee?

I'm going to move the office You're going to take a nice shower today You're going to put a little buffer in your head You got suntan lotion? No We got you some number four suntan lotion I'm not out long enough to get burns We're going to start getting burned

I'm going on for like 30 minutes today It's a new you It's a new me It's a new you bro These days are old You rub a little suntan a little You're out there for a half hour When you come back

You look like a rich Jew You ever see a Jew with a suntan? Always They look tremendous Yeah The sun agrees with fucking Jews They're out of the desert Now

I burn So fucking good The sun agrees with the fucking Jews It's in your blood You can't deny You just got to take advantage of it That's why I tell you everything You'll be a better, happy a Jew

if you're out there When they killed Jesus, they were happy. Were they inside? No, they were probably outside. They were outside. They were outside. Who's better than me? The answers are right there in the book.

When you go outside from now, you put your little fucking thorn helmet on, you put some sun tan lotion, and you walk around your neighbor, you look at people, you wave, vote for me. Oh, for me, that's what I say. Fuck, fuck these youngers.

We're going with the old school Jews. We're going to make a fucking hat of thorns and sell over the holidays. I think that's the way to go. Somehow I don't think that's going to be. be a great teller. Listen, it's different. All right.

Some people get the thorns on their arms. Like a tattoo, fuck it. With the thorns, you can buy them around for Christmas and shit. That's a real Jew.

Think about that. If you were a badass Jew in your own half of the fucking world, what would you put on your head? A yamon? Be like the other Jews? No, you push the envelope.

You go one step deeper. With thorns? With thorns. Put thorns on your own. Had a little blood coming down in your head. Who's going to stop you? Does it have a finger with a blood diamond on it?

Fuck yeah. When you go to Ardymoins, do you think they're going to ask you if you got a reservation? Fuck, and they got thorns on your head. You understand me? I don't think they're going to know. I don't know. I think they're going to call the cops. What a car's going to do?

You only put thorns on your own head. That's a real Jew. Yeah, they say, fuck it. They take you to the Insanis Island and they put you in a little padded room. Are you crazy? That's how the real Jews hand. And also, let's give a shout out to my main fucking people. Nailed at Life.com.

Pumping, killing you, you motherfuckers at that high-level vapor pen. It's a vapor pen. use not in here no more but it's the one I fucking use take it on the road with me I got an extra one for backup I don't fuck around you can use the wax or you can use the tube either way you're getting fucking stone to the gills go to nailed at life

com press what in the box Joey Diaz no space and get 20 fucking percent off I think it's 50 to start with get 20 percent off that's another 10 percent that's 40 hours for the best paper pen in the fucking market stop lying to yourself go to nelditliflif.com and if you bump into them on one of your shows

mention Joey and I'll give you a fucking 250 milligram gummy bear just for saying hello. Just have the head. The head's nice. Who does that to you? When was the last time he said hello to somebody

and they hit you with a 250 milligram gummy bear? You understand me? The people we hang out with cock suckers. They don't fuck around. They don't fuck around. What's up with you, bitch? Nothing.

I'm fucking... You're ready for an edible now? Sure. I brought you a mild one today. That's how much I love you. That's why you hurt my feelings this morning. No, I... I don't start stuttering.

No, I'm not stuttering. I'm not stuttering. All I'm saying, I have to move this office and tonight I'm going to go fucking bananas. You are the baddest motherfucker walking this earth right now. Yeah. You could rub this edible I'm going to give you on your face

and still be an animal. When I give you an edible, that's the attitude you need to have. Joey's giving me an edible. So what? I'm going to eat this fucking thing and I'm going to move straight ahead like fucking fucking... I'm fine, but your edibles are fucking strong as hell.

I give you mild ones. I give you mild ones. I give you mild ones. You gave me one mild one in the history of vegetables. Look what I'm giving you to that. I brought you something so fucking nice today. This is a killer. This is a killer. Read what this is.

That's a killer. Look what I'm going to give you. I'm going to give you. Look at that. It's an energy. Look what I do with my buddy. Let's say that. Sensing?

What did you say? Energy. I don't know. That's how I take care of you. You know how many milligrams and the whole thing? How many? 25. Okay.

That's how much I take care. This is the news thing. I took this the other night. Very mild. They have a sativa. They have a fucking indica and they have one. You see this? You think I'm kidding here. You see this is what it says? Sleep 8. This one will fuck you up. It's like 2,000 milligrams. This one here, a hybrid. That one will fuck yeah. But this one here, this is for the morning. This is get up and go type. Okay. See, it says energy. What I lie to you? I take care of my fuck. Bro, I love the Jews.

What do you think I'm like Donald Sterling, Jr.? Is that what you're accusing me? That I would poison you, cocksucker? With my positiveness, my negativeness I love you too much, you fuck. Let me do some shout-outs. I'm beautiful people here. Robert Silver, cocksucker, Alex Amora,

Gil Salcedo, Raised by Wolves, Don Faviano, Somali Rama, it's your birthday, 22. Go jump up and on you fucking Stephen's son I love you too Don't forget we're at the ice house tonight Lee I need you fired up at the ice house

I'm gonna eat this for you I'm getting booked up up there okay I can't When you told me because we usually Like our your fans are like They're the stoners they'll show up And they'll buy tickets that night And we I think we sold out last time Right before we got there

But when you call me yesterday I didn't even know what you were talking about They called me I don't know what they were talking about They called me I was on a movie I'm in the fucking trailer Yeah you call me like we sold out I'm like, I was like, do that mean we got, and you said they put us in the bigger room. I thought you meant we sold out, like we sold out and got a nicer office.

I was like, what the fuck you're talking about? Look at that. That's beautiful. But, yeah, so I'm, I couldn't be more set. You need the whole thing. I'm going to eat it. Fucking relax. Why do you give me something that's not gummies?

If I give you a gummy, it's too strong. That's chocolate. That's good stuff right there. It's got cocoa. That's not good stuff That's the best We chocolate tastes like shit Look at you

Look at the fucking savage You understand Look at you You're tougher than fucking nails I don't even make juice like you don't know I love you to death cock sucker So yeah So and then

We're gonna be at the ice house I can't fucking wait I can't wait either We're gonna have a great show tonight It's gonna be rocking and rolling. Next week I'm at the Cabo back Canyon Casino in Santa Fe, New Mexico. In the week after that, the flying jewel, myself

are taking a jet to Austin, Texas, leaves him a stand-on-line for three and a half hours. Oh, I've heard it's great. I've heard it's worth it. Everybody, they saw him, but on TV. I know you, I know you said, Ari went there and said it was delicious. Ari went and said he was fucking tremendous. How many fucking pounds of brisket he? I don't know. I've always

always I like ribs a lot. I like brisket. Brisket's good. No, and I don't know why people always try to push it. Every time I go somewhere, they say get the pulled pork.

I don't like pulled pork. I don't like pulled pork. So, but I, Brisket, ribs, I think I'm going to try ribs. I don't know what they have. A couple ribs, little brisket and shit.

We're going to go fucking swimming. Bring you a little bikini. You got a bikini. Fuck yeah. You got a little fun with like flames coming out of the asshole or something like her. I got a Jewish star one. Jesus.

Fuck, dehydration. We're eating edibles here. It's the church of what's happening now. Next time you see us, we'll be in a new office. For two or three weeks, maybe for two weeks, we're going to do different ones.

Did you get the microphone? Yeah. You ordered it? Yes. And when is it coming? I'll have it by Monday. That's why I love you, Cucksucker.

So we're going to be starting. Do you have two of them to do an outside one right now? Have this one. Do you want to get another one? Three of mine and three? No, because we're going to need one for Monday morning. We're going to do a podcast. Yeah, you know.

Well, I'll have it for Monday. I'll have it. So we're going to start doing podcasts from a coffee shop. Fuck, having coffee with some fucking... You're going to have coffee with us from now on. You understand me? Fresh, live, we're going to figure out a way to bring it to you. No matter what.

We'll be in an office in about 10 days. Until then, we're going to give you two unorthodox ones. Don't be mad at us, but there'll still be the church of what's happening. Now... And the live one will be up, too. And the live one will be up. So we ain't fucking around the right. We ain't going nowhere.

We're just moving offices. It was time for us to move and spread and fucking get crazy with you, cock suckers. So we're happy. you stuck it out and you took the ride and you love us and we love you and all that shit I want to thank our sponsors on it Dollar Shave Club

Nature's Box.com nailed it life fucking Hulu Plus Escape Pod Tank I love all you cuckuckers thank you for giving us love and thank you for listening all week and for being hit with us I know today was kind of a weird podcast

but we tried to cover some shit was it okay today today today? Yeah I like podcasts that talk about real issues and I don't know I fucking listen man I'm a he he he's and ha ha ha that he he's and ha-has come from the fucking podcast. If you can't take a joke, take a show. Have a great week, cock sucker. Stay black.

Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for Dollar Shave Club.com. Get high-quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to Dollar Shave Club.com forward slash church or just go to Joey Diaz. com and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. And now that the show's over, remember to go to NatureBox.com and order great tasting, healthy snacks, get 50% off. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like French Toast Quino. support this podcast and get 50% off for your first order go to naturebox.com

and use promo code joey naturebox.com promo code joey and again thank you to nailed it life go there to get the premier vapor pen on the market mention joey dyes no spaces and get 20% off oh shit oh shit have a great day it's a message bitch it's like a chunger sometimes it makes me wonder how i keep from going under it's like a chungle sometimes it makes me wonder how i keep from going Everywhere, people pissing on the stairs, you know they just don't care. I can't take the smell, can't take the noise, got no money to move out, I guess I got no choice. Rats in the front room roaches in the back, junkies in the alley with a baseball bat. I try to get away, but I couldn't get far, because a man with a touch truck, we possessed my car.

Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. It's like a jungle sometimes that makes me with me with you. wonder how I keep them going under. Standing on the front stoop hanging out the window, watching all the cars go by roaring as the pieces blow. Crazy lady living in a bag, eating out of garbage bells used to be a fag, satchetra dance to tango, skip the life and tango.

A zook on print that seemed to lost us sexes. Down at the peep show watching all the creeps so she could tell her stories took the girls back home. She went to the city and got so, so so did it, she had to get a pips, she couldn't make it on her own. Don't push me, cause I'm close to. the edge I'm trying not to lose my head. It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep them going under.

It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep them going under. My brother's doing best on my mother's TV says she watches too much. It's just not healthy. All my children in the daytime, Dallas a night, can't even see the game or the sugar-ray fight. The bill collectors that ring my phone and scare my wife when I'm not home. I'm not home. Got a one education, double digit inflation. Can't take the train to the job.

There's a strike at the station. Knee on King Kong standing on my back. Can't stop to turn around. Broke my sacrileiac. Amid range, migraine, cancer membrane. Sometimes I think I'm going insane. I swear I might hijack a plane. Don't push me.

Call. I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. It's like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep from going under. It's like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep him going under. My son said, Daddy, I don't want to go to school because the teacher's a jerk.

He must think him a fool. And all the kids spoke reaper. I think it'd be cheaper. If I just got a job, learn to be a street sweeper. I dance to the beach up for my feet. Wear a shirt and tie and run with the creeps. Because it's all about money. Ain't a damn thing funny.

You got to have a con in this land of milk and honey. They pushed that girl in front up the train. Took her to the doctor. So the arm on the game. Stab that man right in the man. in his heart, gave him a transplant for a brand new start. I can't walk through the park cause it's crazy after dark. Keep my hand on my gun because they got me on the run.

I feel like an outlaw, broke my last last jaw, hear them say, you want some more living on a sea store. Don't push me, cause, close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. Say what? It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep him going under. It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder

how I keep him going under. A child is born with no state of mind blind to the ways of mankind God is smiling on you But he's frowning too because only God knows what you'll go through You grow in the ghetto living second-rate and your eyes will sing a song Because the hate the places you play and where you stay looks like one great big alleyway You'll admire all the number book takers thugs pimps and pushes in the big money makers dropping big cars spending the 20s and tens and you want to grow up to be just like that Smugglers, scramlers, burglars, gamblers, pick pocket peddlers, even panhandlers.

You say I'm cool, I'm no fool, but then you wind up dropping out of high school. Now you're unemployed, all non-void, walking around like your pretty boy, Floyd turned stick up kids, but look what you done did, got sent up for an eight-year bid. Now your manhood is took and you're a May tax spending the next two years as an undercover fag being used in the views to serve like hell to one day You was found hung dead in the cell. It was plain to see that your life was lost. You was cold and your body swung back and far. But now your eyes sing the sad, sad song of how you live so fast and die so young.

So don't push me because I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. It's like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep them going under. It's like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep them going under. Yo, Mel, you see that girl, man? Yo, that sound like cowboy, man.

Hey, man's green. Rahim, man, man. So what's up for the night, y'all? Yo, we can go down to the field, man. Check out you, bug, man. Hey, yo, you know that girl, Betty? Yeah, man. Come on, got dogs, man.

Not again, man, she got hurt. What? What happened? Go, man, we down with Graham left after flash and the furious fire.