The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #178 - Joey Diaz, Ray Kinella and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: May 19, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined again by Joey's friend Ray Kinella. Ray breaks down the television industry and is also promoting the new Screambox website launching July 15, 2014. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Escapepodtank.com Mention Joey or the Church and get $250 off. Recorded on 05/19/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of fit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. When you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, that's Huluplus.com slash Joey. And by Dahlashaveclub.com, get high-quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now, go to Dollar Shaveclub.com slash church. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash church. Or just go to Joey Diaz.com and click on the.

the Dollar Shave Club banner, and the show is also brought to you by escapodtank.com. Go there for all of your sensory deprivation tank needs. They're already going to save you thousands. But if you call and you mention Joey Diaz, the church of what's happening now, anything like that, they're going to save you an additional $250. Are you kidding me or what? This is taking you fucking deep into the murky waters of the underworld. Monday, May 19th.

The day the devil. was fucked in the muffler without Vaseline in a dark fucking room with two people watching. Oh shit. Oh shit. It's a beautiful fucking Monday morning. If you're in the Midwest,

out of those nuts. Out of those fucking nuts. It's going to be fucking hot, Jack. But don't matter. You're part of the church for what's happening now. Kick it lead. Oh shit.

Oh shit. What? We all came out on a fucking Monday. Ticket for you. What? Shit, what? Stop that bitch. What's up, Lysayat? You bad motherfucker.

Nothing. The water on a Monday morning to rock these motherfuckers out. Get up. It's a beautiful day to be alive. You're in fucking America, cocksucker. You're not laying there with flies on you. And white people taking pictures of you and shit. Let's hope not.

What's up? Now that I'm all energized, I fucking suck the old. What's up, Negro? I fucking told you this life is a comic. It's tough. Nobody believes me and shit. And we didn't even do much. I didn't have you out snort and blow or taking machine guns up the ass, nothing. I had you out, just fucking... I did that on my own.

Okay, that's what I think. You went back to the room. You were fucking hallucinating. It's great to be back. Happy Monday to everybody at Churchill, what's happening now. Talking about Austin, Texas. Thank you very much for the love and the support you guys show last week. And as fucking far as comedy clubs are concerned,

when I got back, I called Ari, and I told Ari what I thought. That club is definitely, definitely the top five solid clubs in the country, the staff. I want to thank them all. From Chandrae to Kevin, to the wait staff. I mean, when you go to Texas, you feel like family anyway? Yeah. This was just a great weekend, and I'm happy that Lee got to see it firsthand. We brought a camera down.

We were going to tape a Mad Flavors world for you, but I don't know what the fuck happened. I got a little bit, but fucking, you got me so high, and then I was manning the table. Man the table, cucked sucker. So I was like... He's walking away, taking pictures, leaving the t-shirts out, cock-sucker. Man the table.

So I was in no shape. You were greatly. You were fucking great. It was a lot of fun. It was great to watch you interact with the... You know, man, we're not just a podcast no more. We're a fucking, we're our own crime family. We're our own fucking crime family.

That's it. That's it. You wanted to be in the crime family? You got it, motherfucker. But we don't kill nobody. We're not shaking nobody down. We're just slinging dick and tell them all the fuckers with time of this. That's it.

I'm making progress every fucking day. So you want to be part of something? You're part of a fucking crime family now. We smoke dope. I smoked dope finally. I didn't smoke yesterday, though. No. No, I just wanted to smoke in Austin.

It was my 90-day anniversary. And I wanted to get out of the way. And you know what? I'm quitting again. No big deal for right now. Yeah. I'm pretty happy with the vapors. I mean, I can see you once, like,

The Saturday night shows, if they have it. Yeah, no, I have a good time. You know, I just, and I have the best weed out right now at my house. I looked at it when I got back last night. You have 90-day-old weed? I have weed. Somebody gave me about three weeks ago. Okay.

And it is, it's just to look at it. Just to look at it. Just to look at it. You're like, fuck. And he told me when he gave it to me, goes, this is it. He goes, I don't have a lot of it. Take what I have. So I'm just holding it out.

I'm going to wait for my resistance to keep. You get lower and lower or whatever the fuck of it is higher and high. I had a pot cookie last night. I had to. I told you that. How good was that flight? Oh, I said, I didn't know. I don't know the way home.

You had a middle seat open. Nobody bothers you. You're back in L.A. by fucking 8.30. It wasn't even traffic. By 8.30 on a Sunday, people aren't even thinking of driving, and you're back already. Yeah. And that's it. We were home by 9.30.

I had a bowl of pasta for Azul. I was at the baby and my wife before they went to church. When they came back, we took a. nap, got up, went to the park, went to a couple of spots, and that's it. Answered to me emails last night. We had so many fucking emails last week. We had to break it into two parts. Really?

In the first time, in two years. Wow. Fucking craziness, you know, a lot of great questions, a lot of people just reaching out saying that. But Austin, you know, when I was leaving there, I was thinking how great of a little city it is. Just a little city that has everything. Yeah. And we didn't do much. You know, you didn't got some barbecue.

Yeah. I, like, just because I thought you were going to, like, I have a little voice in my head now, Joe Dia's voice. So we didn't do much Like I didn't want to Like nothing you told you didn't tell me not to bother you But you have the show And I didn't want to like call you like Hey you want to go sightseeing

So it was like Saturday Yeah it was Saturday lunchtime I was like what can we have delivered here And all that was available was Chinese food I was like if I tell Joey I got Chinese food What the fuck? Yeah we got Chinese food So I went and looked And the closest place to me

Was this place called Rudy's I got a cab and it was fucking delicious It was fucking amazing You know listen And I know that there's Franklin's and there's the other place. I got a big problem, ladies and gentlemen. I'm going to tell you what it is right now. I don't believe in lines.

And this isn't just recently. This is something that I had, even as a young kid, like being. I was always very impatient in lines. Fuck it. If I got to wait this long, I don't mind a 15-minute line. You know, there's lines you have to go through at security at the airport. I make the best thing. But I don't want to make it a habit to get online.

Right. When I was a kid, when I was about 18-minute, the 19, I was taken to Studio 54 on a Thursday night. And I was placed online. It was a little bit annoying. But my friend got us saying, and we were in there like 40 minutes, and studio's something else. You're in there doing blow, and you get your

dick sucked, and I didn't get my dick sucked, but I'm just saying, you can have sex in there and see celebrities, so I could see somebody in the 80s, but I'm not standing online for eggs, and I'm a fat fuck. You know, I'm not standing on line for three hours for fucking barber. I don't care how good the thing

is. It's this new, and they do it Los Felice, they do it in anywhere with those hipsters. They have lines. And you know what? Man, that works for hipsters. I don't know what you're trying to push out there. I have nothing against you. But I don't believe in standing on lines. We're fucking Americans, man. My mother didn't come from Cuba

for me to stand on line for fucking three hours. For anything. For fucking anything. I just don't believe in it. You know, you got to put up customer service. You got to get a table out there and fucking cut some fucking brisket out there. I'm just not doing it. I love your product. I love what you stand for, but I'm not waiting fucking three hours.

I bet you to do my life, man. I don't know if this is what Franklin is doing, but I think some of it is they're creating a demand. Like, a lot of these places run out of food. I wonder if you ever have a restaurant running out of food. Like, I think they're just doing it. So people know they're going to run out.

People know there's a line. So then you're going to go and it's like a mistake. I'm not going on line. You know what? I'm not paying somebody way that one. I'm not doing that to somebody else. I'm not the type of person. I'm not going to wait online. I'm going to pay you $10 and I'll wait on.

I'll pay you $50 to stand in line for three hours. But I'm just not going to do it. I'm not supporting that shit. Rudy's was in a gas station, and it was fucking delicious. No, no, no. In our society, you know, it's this thing that, you know, iPhones, it's hip to stand online the night before.

You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you. You want to smoke a half a number that's down on the hour and giggle with your friend for 40 minutes. That's cool. But I'm not going to be there all fucking. I'm not part of that society.

I never watched. I think that's a worst one. And don't, hey, don't be mad at me if you were one of the ones that did it. But with Amazon now and ordering online, It comes the same day. Yeah, no, no. It's a part of this thing, this movement that we stood online. Listen, you're going to move to fucking Russia.

Stand online for everything. Toilet paper, light bulbs. Do your fucking thing. I'll have you standing online all fucking day. I'm just not fucking doing it. I don't care. It's just something. My mother doesn't come from Cube.

I just don't like it, man. And that's it. That's why I fucking stand. And I know the barbecue is good at Franklin. I had it last time I went. It's fucking delicious. The biscuit melts in your mouth. But not three hours worth.

No. No, no, no, no. Even the fucking Jesus was born. What's up, Lee? Nothing. Everyone was so cool. Can you show that model again? That was the fucking...

Everyone was so nice in Texas. That's the day the devil was buried in sea. This is from Andrew. I don't know how to pronounce her last name. Yasmini. She's fucking sweet. They were very nice people. We met a lot of nice people, man.

And this is everywhere now. This is everywhere. You know, we're doing a podcast. We don't come on here and what we go off. but we try to make you leave here feeling good. It's like a fucking Disney movie. You know, the church will tap. It's like going to see the love bug.

So are you the princess or am I the book? Whatever. You know, who gives you fuck? I never said I was no princess, no hero. I'm not telling about that shit. What I'm saying is that, you know, we have a family. So you're part of something. I'm part of something.

I'm part of something. Like I said in the beginning, I'm with you, you're with me and they're with us. Fuck them all. And if they're not with us, fuck them all. Who gives a fuck? Who needs them? Exactly. Who the fuck needs them, Lee?

What do you got today? What were you asking me about my schedule? No, we were talking. And I have Rick Ramas tonight. Okay. But other than that, I'm fucking nothing planned. No, the MRI at 4. I got my last voice over class at 7.

I'm going to work out. I got to write a little bit today. I got to meet with my girl tomorrow, Wednesday for the book. And that's it. The things are, everything. fucking rolling smoothly. I love it. I'm still getting over all those edibles.

That was a crazy fucking three or four days. Dave Wilder, you know? Oh, my God. Fucking Cuban pastries from Dallas. I'm going to give him a shout out. Oogie Spooky came down with a son looking beautiful. It was just a nice little get-together. Now we're going to hook up with Lady Jay.

I mean, it's amazing what this is becoming. And I never dreamt this. I thought it was just going to be you and I crack on stupid fucking jokes and people, but no, it's becoming something beautiful. I'll tell you what was the most impressive thing on the weekend was Doug Benson's show. When I walked in there, I seen people with

signs like, let's make a fucking deal. I just could not believe it. I was blown the fuck away. I couldn't even believe you know, there's only two movies with the letters, oh, and basically that I know. Oh, yeah, yeah. Other people's money and on the waterfront. At first, I was so high with the edible

that Apocalypse Now came to there. Oh, Apocalypse Now, I go, no, apocalypse. It's a fucking A. But, no, no, it was that was amazing. Doug does a great job with that goddamn show. And Trey was funny, and Joe was funny.

The kids I worked with this weekend. It was just a total, complete fucking great weekend to get on. That was it. Eight weeks in a row I did people. Jesus. Eight weeks of stand-up. Seven planes in eight weeks, seven fucking return flights in seven weeks.

That's a lot of fucking plans. But I did it, and it wasn't even for the month. It was just to see you people. At this point, I love, I want to see the people I talk to. Stand-up has become something different for me now. I want to talk to the people, and I got these dates in New York at Gotham. I don't know what the official date is, but it's either these two weeks in September. So I'm going to get a theater in Brooklyn, and we're going to get a theater in Brooklyn,

and we're going to go to New York. We're taking this fucking podcast in New York. We're going to have some of my buddies on there, maybe some crooked fucking gangsters and shit. I'm going to do a fucking live podcast somewhere in New York, and we'll keep your posted on that. I don't, you know, it's funny this weekend because Lee asked me how I thought I did on stage. You know, we talk comedy on here and stand up and little things.

It's like when I go to Jiu-Jitsu. If I go to Jiu-Jitsu and I last 10 more seconds, I did the session before, I'm very happy. If I go to J-Jitsu and I do a hip escape and I fucking sweep you and then I tap out because I can't breathe, I'm very happy because I made forward progress. It was funny that I thought I was having mediocre sets And then Saturday night I did something I write that

For me, sometimes to write a joke I have to write a story And then when I'm writing a story I think of something that it all turns together And then the story I was writing is irrelevant I found a joke somewhere And one day I was writing a story And I think we talked about this

In the testicle one time About Sticky Charlie We talked about it a lot of places I think Where? Where did we talk about it? I think you talked about it In a tactical testament I think you've talked about it on the podcast, too.

Sticky Charlie was the greasiest looking dude you ever saw in your life. He had some part, it was something, and I hate to say this, it was some, you know, it was 1970s. So he had some type of disorder, you know, and he was a little older than us. I mean, he was a lot older than us. We were six or seven. He had to be in the 30s. He got a check from the government maybe. Okay.

And he lived with his parents. And I think he was Jewish. I think he had that something about. him. He could have been, you know what I'm saying? He was just a white dude, but I think he could I'm not making fun of you. I'm just saying, I think he was Jewish. He had that mom, his mom would come looking for him. Okay, he was 30. That's the worst when you're sniffing the glue when your mom was looking for it. I never knew about drugs. I knew that my mom had smoked pot. You know, I knew that little things, but I was just a kid. I wasn't aware to it. And I was a

geek, man. When I came from Cuba, I didn't know how to speak. So I wouldn't. speak constantly. You know, I was very insecure about my language and my American. So I got into building models. I don't know why people. Don't fucking hate me for it. I got into building ships and little fucking buildings. But then the Marvel series came out and they had the Hulk breaking through a wall and they had like Spider-Man on a wall with a web and there were like these elaborate models and me and this geeky kid would get together on 148th of all places on top of this hobby store. It was like, They had paintings and greeting cards, whatever. And we would do these models in the summer. And then once we finished, we'd go out. We let them dry. So we'd put them together, and then I'd paint them. And he'd paint them.

He had a better hand than me. He did the eyeballs and the star on Captain America and all that shit. I mean, we were a team. Don't ask me what his name was. I don't remember what his name was. But that was our life. And we would meet, like the model store opened at 9. We were there at 9.

I bought the model, but he helped me. Okay. Okay. And then we split it somewhere another. I gave it to them or whatever. I bring it back home. And one morning I got up, I don't know what happened with the circumstances. You know when you're fucking, when you're a kid, you don't know nothing about anything being out of stock.

You know what I'm saying? When you're a kid and you go buy sneakers, they better be in fucking stock. You don't know nothing about somebody saying to you, oh, we have more of stock. We have to come back. Right. Out of stock, what is that mean? So me and this geeky kid went into this fucking glocky. It went into this fucking glue store, into this hobby store,

and went to get our glue, and the guy's like, no, I'm out of it. I'm clean out of it. And for some reason at that time, at that time, a couple people knew Charlie snorted glue, but I don't think these two fucking store owners knew that he stored it glue. And it was weird how we caught him in my godmother's alleyway. And what he would do is he put the glue in a bag, and then you blow in it like, you have anxiety attack of something. All right, you did a lot of drugs.

I didn't do glue. I know you didn't do glue. You've done a lot of drugs in your day. How does someone get to the point where they're doing glue? I don't fucking know, Lee. I don't know. I think for him it was a starting point and he got stuck there. Because of the glue, he got stuck.

Yeah, I think he just got stuck in that phase. You know, sometimes you smoke pot and then you do masculine for a while, then you do coke, then you do heroin. He just settled on glue. And that's what makes me think after more thinking that he was just, Jewish because he got a government check at the beginning of the month and he had to chop up his days into a budget.

So what fits into like $2 budget? Glue. It's $0.35 of fucking tube. So after I saw him snorting the glue, I didn't know. It took me like a week to ask around and people are like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like, I had to wait four fucking days for that glue. We had to walk like

a half a mile to get the other glue that you had to take out and with a brush and brush it. And you can't build a model. Rubber cement. You can't build a with that so we will live it so I started thinking this is this is why I don't want people to think that I had a bad life like people like oh well you know his mom died no man I was I was doomed for failure from the age of six and it was because of sticky Charlie put a curse on me put a fucking glue curse on me there's a worse than fucking any black person

like I forget it so fucking sticky I figured out that now at this point we're not At this point, we're calling him Sticky Charlie. Right? Me, these Puerto Rican kids, Nelson and Ricky, I forget what his, I said, Daniel. We're calling him Sticky Charlie. Sticky Charlie, Sticky Charlie. So I get pissed off.

This is the only time I ratted somebody out. So I went into the store another time. They're like, yeah, I went back and they were down to three tubes. So from being out of stop, now they're down to three tubes. So I just bought all three fucking tubes. And I said, that's it.

I go, when are you getting the next shipment in? He goes, what are you talking? I go, when are you getting the next shipment? He goes, I don't know. It takes like two days to order. I go, fuck it. Let me. I'm six or seven.

I go, let me know how much a box of glue is. I'm going to call my mom right now and how I have to send you the money. The guys look at me like, what are you talking about? I didn't fuck around at that age. I just have this image of the guy with you in the suit. That's just you running around. Yeah, that's me.

I was younger than that. Oh, that's so funny. That's when I was 10. This is three years earlier. And my mother, I remember taking a fucking cab down the 88th Street and she gave me like the $15. bucks. She didn't understand.

I'm like, I'm going to be a business owner. And she's like, what are you talking about? Like, at that age, she didn't even question me. So you weren't hoarding it for yourself. No, I fucking went and bought all the glue so I could sell it to stick each other. Something in my mind just said, this is the only way I'm going to control the glue fucking trade.

I'm never going to be without glue again. That would, bro, that's what our life was. How can I live without fucking glue? I didn't want to reuse rubber fucking cemently. So I went and rattled the guy out and I go, this guy snorts fucking glue? How can you keep fucking selling glue?

And I bought the case of glue. So I waited for Sticky Charlie. The store opened at like the nine. I got there like at 8.30 one morning. There's Sticky Charlie scratching. And he's like, I don't know what happened. They threw me out of that. I'm not allowed in there no more.

And for some reason, fucking I'm not allowed at the hardware store like three blocks away. It was like another hardware store, 150 fir-in. In Amsterdam or something. He wasn't allowed in there either. The people from that store called those people. So they started calling each other

and telling them that guy, He was snorting glue and they don't want them in the stores. So he knew it. He's like, so do me your favor. Go in there and buy me the fucking glue. I went in there. I said, no, I'm not going to buy you the glue. I got the glue now.

I'm the new fucking king of the glue on this corner, cocksucker. You want glue, it's going to cost you 55 cents. He was best. He's like, so you're putting a 20 cents tariff on it. I'm like, because. And I didn't even know about the law and supply. I knew nothing. I just knew I was a glue salesman.

I didn't know about marketing skills. There was no MySpace. There was no nothing. I just knew this motherfucker was not taking my glue no more. And this went on for a summer where he would come to me and go, come on, give me the glue for 45 cents. You're not getting it for 45. It's 55 fucking cents.

And he would tell me, fuck you, I'm going to rob you in it. Because I hung out with like three other fucking little devils that there were six and seven. We'd bite you and we hit you with fucking garbage cans. We didn't give a fuck. Where did you keep the glue? Did you have a little briefcase with you? My godmother's house. And my godmother's house.

So he'd give me the money. I'd go to a fucking spot and can come back. I wouldn't put it in my pocket. I put it in my godmother's like, what's all this glue? So he started teasing me. He's like, I'll give you $0.35. I ain't paying you a dime over, so I would get Elmer's glue to fuck with him. You can't snort Elmer's glue.

There's nothing in Elmer's glue. But the best is the day he told me to go fuck myself at 9 in the morning. And at one, I saw him across the street with a can of paint. Oh. Mixing it up. And he would snort like the little. He snorting? He snorted paint.

The little ones, you know, you know, you have the big cans of paint. Okay. You get the little cans of paint. Oh, like the... Yeah, put that in the bag, mix it up a little bit, and he would wait for a hot day or something. I don't fucking know, Lee.

I don't know. That's the worst. That's one of the worst things. And he used to get pimples on his neck from snort and glue, like whiteheads. But they weren't filled with glue. They were filled with, like, just pus or liquid. I don't fucking know.

I tortured that motherfucker for two or three years. Finally, I don't know where he went. He went into a glue rehab. Some shit, poor thing. Speaking of torturing, that lady at the end of Saturday night, was possibly my favorite lady ever. Oh, that fucking old lady was tremendous. An old lady, and she was waiting for you,

and then you left. I thought you were going into the club to try to hide from her. So I was standing out there high as far, just like staring at her. And then you came out, and it took like 15 minutes to get rid of her. Listen, dog, some people,

none of my women, men, too, are relentless. She was relentless. She came up to me saying that she was an author. And she wanted to ask me questions. Now, this lady had to be 56 to 60. She's telling me she had asked me questions about a book or whatever. So I go, what's the book about? And she started telling me about, what is that shit?

S&M? S&M? That she had a handcuff on her wrist. That's not my world. You know, I'll piss on your neck. I'll do shit like that. But I never tied somebody up and dragged them across the room and punched them like that. That's just me goofing around.

That's not in my repertoire of sex moves. And I ended up leaving with Joe just because I couldn't keep it together and I want to ruin it. but all she kept saying was let's have a drink let's have a coffee and you're like I can't I gotta go right now What am I gonna do have a drink But I don't even know what the fuck to drink I don't know

I'm coffee it's one in the fucking morning Go home old lady Jesus Christ She's gonna be a piece She followed you to the car Oh my god I even asked her No and I knew I was in trouble

When she told me she was bald from my eyebrows down I didn't know what that meant I didn't know what the fuck She meant I was like, Jesus. So she's bald from her fucking eyebrows down. I didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. It's amazing, the people you meet, man. You meet interesting people at all levels.

And at the end of the game, that's what this is all about. Remember for years, that was the big wordage, whenever you talk to people. What do you want to do with your life? I want to travel and meet interesting people. What the fuck are you talking about? Now it's what I do. Yeah.

I travel and I meet interesting people. It's that fucking simple. You ever have a pimple on top of your eyebrow? Probably, yeah. There's no whitehead or nothing, but the motherfucker hurts, like a fucking, Jesus Christ, this thing hurts. I just want to give it a squeeze that when somebody stuck a fucking needle in my eyeball. You ever have one of those?

Jesus Christ, Almighty. I watched something very interesting the other night that really tapped home with me. And it had to do with Artie Lang. I watched Artie Lang on Tom Green. I think it was Thursday night. I had radio Friday morning, and Tom Green was on. First off, Tom Green is becoming a great little fucking interview. I mean, his shows, I watched a couple of them.

And America's ready for that type of shit. Something loose, free, where people curse and whatnot. And, you know, he talked to Artie about what had happened for you. A lot of people don't know, Artie was a co-host on the Howard Stern show. I never really listened. I think in the eight years he was on there, I listened to him maybe three times. And every time I listened to him, it scared me because he sounded like me. and I was doing all those drugs and stuff.

And I had never known Artie. I met him in Vegas briefly. We did a show with Rogan, me, Ari Duncan, and they were doing the show later on that midnight. And their show was four times the size of ours. Like, we thought we were badasses because we had 600 people. Yeah. He must have had 8,000 people in there.

And he was hammered. And he went on stage, and it was like, it was sad. I remember even as a junkie myself saying that sad, I would never want people to know me for that. We smoke a joint. We have a few G. Yeagers, but to be on stage and be reated and be fucked up. And, you know, one thing about Adi Lang, man, when he gives an interview, he's very honest. So I feel what you guys feel sometimes when I talk about drugs or situations or...

And he was talking about what had happened to him at the end when he tried to commit suicide and how Howard called him, but they put him in the insane asylum. And, you know, because when you try to kill yourself, they hold you down. They tie your hands and shit, you know, and the paparazzi's. And he was talking about how he's a sea level celebrity, and the paparazzi was still there. And it's just amazing where the drugs had taken him. And it's funny when I talk about drugs in front of Lee sometimes. I see it in Lee's face that he doesn't know.

Like, Lee, it's just a hard. I'm very happy that you're who you are. You know, I don't understand. I understand how. it did work. The message from people did work because I talked to a lot of young people. Yeah, I talked to a lot of young people that take accident and go to raids and shit like that.

But I talk to a lot of young people I don't even know what that is and you're one of them. And it's amazing that sometimes when I talk about drugs, you sit there and go, wow, I'm so fucking happy I didn't get involved. So it's you cannot, when I was watching that interview and I was watching already talk about the drugs

and just the aftermath of the suicide thing, I could never remember. I can't imagine that. And I gotta tell you, man, the last year and a half, I was that frustrated. Jesus. I don't know how I didn't stick a knife in myself. No, I can't even imagine, because I've had some low times just naturally. And I can't even imagine having the drug addiction. It's true. We have shitty times just being a human being.

Never mind pouring that shit into your nose or your veins. But there was times when I would have to go in the bathroom and pee, and I would look at myself in the mirror and for the love of Christ, Lee. I can't tell you what I felt inside. I felt like the mirror was going right through me. You want to just put your head through the mirror so you can't really see yourself. So what's the feeling like when you have like that, let's say he's so pissed off, he's that depressed, but he's still using, is it like, do you hate yourself while you're doing it? Absolutely. Does it still feel good?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're just, you're putting it more in you to kill the pain to kill what you just saw. Yeah. Hopefully the image go out of your mind. I mean, and the image is horrible when you walk past the bathroom and you see yourself. The next day when somebody takes a picture and you see yourself, it's a fucking horrible. I've always, if you really scour, you'll never find pictures of me coked up. I always hated that shit.

People wanted to take pictures and they were coked up. For me, it was something that I was involved in that. It was a dirty little secret. You know, it just kept going. Yeah. At least sometimes it keeps going. It's a runaway fucking train. You know, if I get 90 emails a week, 30.

of them are about pills or coke or heroin it's a runaway fucking train and once a person gets off it and looks inside themselves it's fucking scary it's a deep scary move so now you have two choices after you look inside yourself you could either keep going or go for help and i got to tell you something keeping going is the easiest choice fuck yeah it is you know sometimes i remember trying to go to a free clinic in hollywood just to see what it was about and it was a fucking nightmare. So by the time you took the paperwork to go get it, you were getting high again. It just didn't matter.

Yeah. I remember Terry finding the paperwork one day, going, what the fuck is this? And I go, I stopped by there for a friend and her giggling her ass off going, Jesus Christ, I can't believe you can't, but that was the very beginning. Yeah. It's crazy because when you're talking about how kids

don't get into it. There's, do you have dare when you were a kid? I don't, it's just a drug program. They come in. No, no, no. They come into your schools and they show you this stupid videos and it never really works. And I don't know if it would be scared straight, but I mean... It does work. I think it would be no, but I'm saying I think it would be better if, like, someone like

you or Ari Lang would go in and be like, listen, guys, like, it feels great at the beginning, but it never ends up positive. Like, that's all, when you were saying that, that it never, it stops feeling good. If I went into a classroom of 60 people and talked to 60 kids, I would reach one of them. Yeah. One of the 60 kids Because 30 of those kids wouldn't get high anyway Okay, I'm going with 50% and I'm not intelligent in that source

I'm just saying what I feel I think 50% would be 15 kids out of 30 kids out of 60 And I could probably scare one kid Not scare one kid but confirm what he was thinking He had an idea, he was thinking and getting high Listen, kids are going to smoke pot Yeah It's just something if they don't

it's kind of weird because they're trying things. You try things when you're younger. Or maybe you're not. You're that headstrong and that solid. Your parents did such a good job. I don't even know if it's that. I think parents can do a great job, but it's just, I mean, you must see it at a very much more intense level with mercy

because everything's new. But when you think about it, I mean, the first time you try drinking, it's not because you want to be an alcoholic, but it's new and you're not supposed to do it. But you can't compete. Like, I can't compete. When I go in to talk to 60 kids about doing drugs,

I can't compete with society. I can't compete with Instagram. I can't compete with somebody being at a club and taking a picture of themselves, smoking a blunt. You know, I can't compete of the coolness of that. And deep down inside, we all want to be accepted. We all want to be cool. We all want to be. So I can't compete with that.

If I know what I know now, I can tell you that you don't need to fucking do drugs to be cool. I think you'd be fucking cooler without fucking doing drugs. That's if you're, if you're not. live your life in that matter. You know, I know a lot of people don't do drugs that live their life, and they have a great fucking time. I was weak at that age, and I let them come in, and then they stayed in. You know, I let them come in, and they stayed in.

And little by little, I got rid of the damage. Was it too late? Was it too early? Who the fuck knows? I know I'm not doing drugs today. Yeah. I know I'm not. They're not on my mind constantly.

Now, what do you think? I'm interested interested in your perspective on it. When I was under 21, I drank a little. lot and then when it was legal for me I basically stopped drinking at 21 I believe that what do you feel about like that countries are legalizing more and more drugs do you think it's a good thing or I don't like it you don't really I don't want I don't want I don't want it in their faces man I don't want it in everybody's faces I know how it affects me you want me to have a real real I left New York for various reasons but one

reason definitely definitely was the accessibility of it the accessibility of cocaine in the 80s it was It wasn't the big thing. I could walk to the fucking corner. Okay. I could walk to the corner. There'd be three guys sitting out there talking. And inside a bumper and a car nearby, they had coke stashed.

All I had to do was give them the cash, and they'd send their boy to go get it. Right on my fucking corner. You know, heroin was acceptable. When I was a kid, I could go to Washington Square Park and get eight volumes for $10. When I was 18 years old, eight volumes for $10. $10, you know? And I just didn't like that accessibility. And I know I'm going to get, well, listen, people are going to do drugs anyway.

Yeah. People are going to drink. People going to fucking fuck and suck. People going to get hookers. People going to shoot heroin. People going to gamble, you know. I saw a report months ago, maybe a year on the backlash of gambling in Pennsylvania. All these women, all these housewives that go to these games.

And these games are lights and bolts and they get caught up. And next thing you know, they're remorgeting their house. These women and their husband. don't know. You know, when I went down to Santa Fe, somebody had won an account, and the guy was telling me, one of the managers there, he goes, it was fucked up because they wanted the 60 grand in cash. You know, not in a check. That means that they don't want their husband to know they won the 60 grand. Oh, Jesus. You know, it's things as simple as gambling. Now, are they weak for getting involved with gambling? Yeah. Did I gamble? Yeah. Did I learn my

lesson? You know how you learn your lesson when you gamble? When you pay three weeks, when you lose. That's how you learn your lesson. If you keep losing, then it's a mental thing. It becomes a mental thing where you enjoy losing. You enjoy saying, Jesus, fucking Christ, I had the jets minus three. You know, some people, that's a form of conversation going to be expressive. I just, I don't know, man. I don't like it.

And I'm telling you this is a fucking junkie. That's what we're going to ask, you know, I'm thinking about this as a fucking junkie. I don't want it that accessible. Okay. I do not want it that accessible. I know when I was out there, you're going to get it anyway. But I still don't want it over the fucking counter. So any good that would come from not having to go to drug dealers,

it's negated by the fact that now there's heroin on the streets. There's always going to be drugs on the street. There's going to be fucking meth everywhere. You know, I was telling you, I watched on Matt G.O.D. And I watched Drugs Inc. And I was watching a guy in San Francisco. It's part of a gay meth ring up there that they're hooked on fucking meth. And this guy dresses up like fucking Rob Hauffer from Judas Priest.

And for $2 an hour, he comes to your house, and he's got HIV. He's got HIV already, and he shoots meth. And then once a month, the guy sends him $1,000. He gets a hotel room, because he's homeless, by the way. He gets a hotel room, gets a computer with a camera, and tapes himself shooting heroin and jerking off, and the guy pays him $1,000. Fucking hilarious.

Jesus Christ. Fucking hilarious. So if people doing that, it's fucking still illegal. Can you imagine legal? And people are going to do them, and people are going to get drugs at all levels. I can't fucking. judge you, I can't. You know, I've been where you fucking been, you know.

But something about it, I just didn't want it that easy, man. Is that part of the reason why you're not smoking as much? Because I mean, especially with Mercy getting older, she's going to start seeing things. And with edibles and stuff, you can't no one's going to know what that. She's not going to know what that is. But if, like, she saw you with a joint,

that'd be easier to see. Is that any part of your thinking at all? Listen, man, let's get the fucking, let's push the elephant out of the room. Your parents are your heroes, or at least this is how I feel. If you've heard this podcast, you know anything about me, my mother was my hero.

And then she died, so you have a fallen fucking hero, okay? I'm not even going there with it, but we have parents. There are heroes. Until a certain age, your parents are your fucking heroes. You want to be your father, a girl's want to be mommy, you know, they want to be princesses, whatever the fuck they want to be, okay? What if you saw your hero doing something? What if you saw your hero?

Yeah. How many times if people said, Jesus Christ, they went to meet Jerry Lewis, and he told them to go fuck themselves, and they left their depressed or whatever. It's the same thing with your parents. I saw my hero get hot. I didn't fucking like it when I was a kid.

You know how many times I told my mom to wipe her nose because I would see the Coke rings and shit? Jesus. I fucking hated that. I'm being honest with you guys. I hate it, but at some point it had to affect me. It told me it was okay to do it. Yeah.

Somewhere okay if your hero does it. that tells you it's okay to do it. We have a responsibility here in this country, around the world. You have a responsibility, especially people on the public eye. People on the public eye, these little girls love Kim Kardashian,

how many people are making sex tape because they think that they put a sex tape up, they're going to be famous, whatever. There's different things, you know, this chick right here with Sterling. What the fuck? What the fuck? I'm still blown away.

That a pretty girl, there's got to be a retardation in there somewhere that makes you want to suck an old dick to pay your fucking rent. There's a lot of those people in there. I mean, there's a show coming out where the commercial for it is this girl saying,

the only skill I want to have is signing a credit card receipt. And it's just people and just for this town, some of them have a lot of money and the parents just don't care and they give them money instead of being parents. What a pathetic life. But you know also signed a night like that

when he was fucking toy? Me. Jesus. That was the life I wanted. I didn't want to do shit. I thought I had money. I thought I had money coming to me. I thought the world owed me.

You know, when I walked into a bar, I could drink for free. I thought that I could front Coke. You know, we all want that world. We all want that world where we just walk into a place and there's a Lamborghini waiting for you, but that's not a fucking reality. Have you heard a lot of that? I mean, obviously, I'm not asking you to name names,

but in Hollywood, have you heard of, like, this actor has a 20-year-old girl who lives in the hills and he pays her rent? Yeah, you've heard a lot. Oh, Jesus Christ. I knew about it. I first discovered it when I was fucking guys. This is just to tell you how naive I was about those sexual type things.

Because I don't want you to think that I knew everything about everything. I didn't. I learned them the hard way, just like you guys. We're all fucking morons. And as we go along, we learn things. When I was 20... No, fuck. 95.

When I was 32, I dated a girl. And I liked them. One day we were talking, and she goes, do you know I put myself through college? and I was out and she goes I had an old man but I fucked him

once a week and he paid my college he paid my car bill he paid all my bills and gave me 500 a week and she'd have to go over there once a week and he'd get another hooker

and she would have to suck his dick while the hooker ate her pussy and do blow it was fucking craziness now like at first when you first hear that you're like oh that's gross but like imagine

let's say you were a girl instead Is that so bad? I mean, like, if you were a girl and your mom died and you were on your own and there was no way for her to get through college, maybe that's not terrible. I mean, I can't judge it because what's it in between me stealing and her hooking? I mean, we're both selling our fucking souls. Yeah.

You know, so I'm not here to judge. I was never mad at her, but I had never heard that before. Yeah, that's crazy. I had 32 years old. We got a call coming out. I'm right. What's up, baby? Dude.

It's my main man. Johnny Gumbats. Vinnie Bombats. What's happening, Ray Kinella? Not much, not much, not much. I am just doing my thing on a Monday morning. I'm opening up the office here and just getting ready to attack culture once again. Never in the history of the podcast has ever had so many people ask when you're going to put Ray back on.

So I was talking to Lee about television the other day and whatever. And I said, I got to get fucking Ray back on. Lee said the same thing. And here the fuck you are. What's happened, beautiful? Nothing, nothing. I'm having a good old time. I'm finally enjoying spring has finally strung in New Jersey after a really, really shitty winter.

And, dude, I'm just, I'm doing my thing. I'm very excited. You know, I'm gearing up to relaunch. our subscription horror movie channel Screenbox. So tell Lee what happened. Tell Lee what happened, as Lee was asking, how's the YouTube page going?

Well, what Screenbox is, is Screenbox is a digital horror movie channel, much like Netflix, and that you pay a small monthly fee, and you have access to our horror film library. Okay, and you can watch as many movies as you want, as many turns as you want, and like Netflix, there's no ads, no commercials, everything is completely uncut, there's no pop-ups,

there's no promos, you have to scroll through nothing. You pay a fee and you watch the material, you watch the content. We had launched Screenbox a year ago on YouTube, and now I am knee-deep in work, getting ready to relaunch screenbox on July 15th across multiple platforms. We are set to launch on Xbox, on Roku, and on Samsung devices. In addition to launching an official website. So this is the next step. This is the next move.

The YouTube channel is going to become a marketing platform. and I believe it's going to become a free channel. So you can come to the YouTube Screenbox channel and you'll see me and you'll see trailers and you'll see movie reviews and lots of fun stuff going on there. And if you'd like to become a subscriber, well then you can link on over to our website

and become a subscriber. And for $2.99 a month, you gain access to all of our films. And it's just the natural evolution of entertainment, really, because I know that you and I want to talk a little bit about the cable and broadcast up front that occurred a week or two ago.

And, you know, before getting into that topic, what I'm excited about is the work I'm doing right now. Being involved with good people at Screenbox, the team has really grown since we launched a year ago, and we have wonderful, wonderful, creative, talented people involved to really take screenbox to the next level. And we think this is the future of entertainment. It's a VOD world.

You know, it's a video on-demand world. People are no longer satisfied with shelling out, you know, hundreds of dollars for cable and not watching, you know, and not watching any of it. You're simply not watching what you're paying for with cable. You get how many channels you get at home? 600. Yeah. And you watch between 9 and 14 of them.

Out of all those channels, you are only watching between 9 and 14. It is not a good value anymore, cable TV. Now, when you and I were young, when you and I were kids and cable started, what was the benefit to cable back in? the day. Do you remember? Getting dirty movies on HBO. The first HBO I got was because of the Groove Tube. I talked my mom to get me. Wow. Even before HBO, because HBO didn't come along right away. The goal, the main benefit of cable back in the day was the reception. It eliminated the need for an antenna on the top of your home by having cable. That was the benefit. That was

the benefit back in the day. And then they started adding channels and aiding channels. When I was with the sci-fi channel back in 1992 when we launched the sci-fi, the cable landscape was still

analog. Okay? And we had trouble getting on cable systems because the digital age hadn't come yet. Everything was still antiquated analog equipment. When the digital age came,

that's when everything exploded. And now you get 600 channels, and then each broadcast channel has an on-demand channel, which isn't really on-demand, because you still have to sit through commercials. You know, it's very funny just last night, my wife and I, going through the on-demand channels. Because each network, like ABC and CBS,

and NBC and Fox, they also have what they call a VOD channel. channel. But in my opinion, it's not really VOD when you have to sit through commercials. You know, it's just another CBS channel. Let me tell you something that I like what you did. Something that we talk a lot about in the church that you did, and I admire the fuck out of you, that you couldn't do 30 years ago, was a man in his late 40s or early 50s saying, fuck the corporate world or fuck my job.

I'm going to go out there and do something different. I'm going to go out there and do something that while I was doing this fucking job and I was loving it, I was learning something. I was seeing the bad side of it or the downs. I'm not saying sci-fi. I was bad in any way. I watch it from time to time. What I'm saying is that that's what I admire about you at this point,

that you're saying that in midlife you're going to go fuck what I was doing. I'm going to go open up my real fucking passion and put everything I got into it until they put me in the fucking grave in one of these horror movies that I produced myself. Well, the truth is, while that's very nice of you to say, the truth is that I was let go from sci-fi. Okay.

Well, even that. I'm no visionary. No, even that. Ray, even that, even a lot of people, how long were you there? How long were you at sci-fi? How long were you there? 20 years.

Okay. Most people would have fucking climbed into a hole, gone to a doctor, taking antidepressants. and blame it on society and how a guy your age, what is he going to do now? Not you. Not you.

You said, you know what? I'm going to turn to my passion. I put away a couple dollars. I got a brother. I got a wife. And I'm going to go to work and I'm doing what I love. And that's why I admire you. Look, you tried the YouTube page.

Last night when I spoke to you, you spoke to me about this YouTube page. You said, you know what? It didn't work out as like we thought. So we're going to attack this. Most people crawl in a fucking rock, Ray. Yeah. I mean, I don't know a lot about the business side,

but it seems like you're making. the right choice. Yeah. YouTube is a good place to start because it has the backbone and has people go into YouTube, but now, now that you have a little bit of a following, you go and you go to your own website and you don't have to deal with YouTube anymore. Well, you know, the powers that be

the good people that created Screenbox, and to be clear, I'm not one of the creators of Screenbox. They approached me when I became available on the open market. They approached me to be a programmer and a host. And, and And, you know, it's just a privilege to be thought of in such a way.

But I, you know, I mean, I had already seen the writing on the wall because I have two teenage daughters. And you and I spoke about this in the past. My teenage daughters were obliterating the way that I was using television. So around the time that, you know, the layoffs happened at sci-fi, I was let go with about 400 folks. Around the time that the layoffs happened at NBC Universal, I was already, you know, ready to go. Because of a number of things, 20 years is a long time. You have to, 20 years in one particular spot is an awful long time. You need to move around more, and I wished that I had moved around a little bit more.

but I also came to the realization that there was a change coming to the industry that no one can stop. That this change in the industry is inevitable. And so in a way, it was both a blessing and a curse that I left Cail, and the good people at Screenbox were generous enough to make me an offer and have me come aboard. And it's been so exciting. huge learning curve for me. I think, you know, I'm 51. I just turned 51. And so to be training in a new technology, I've been sitting through training sessions and things like that,

to be trained in a new technology, this old dog will learn a few new tricks has been a lot of fun. And I can be bothered with all of this. So for me, it's a lot of fun. But I personally feel that, you know, I was out of party yesterday, and I was speaking with a 20-year-old young lady, a young lady in her mid-20s, who just passed the bar exam and joined a law firm. Okay? She does not own cable. She has a Netflix account and an Xbox account. Okay?

So this is the shift that is happening. The next genes, the next generation, the millennial, and the next generation, okay? They don't want cable. They can't afford it, number one. And it's an on-demand world. They want to watch what they want to watch. They don't want to watch what someone else selects for them at a time that is selected for them.

It's an on-demand world. And the next generation gets that. And so what you see from the broadcast channels and from the cable channels, what you're seeing is a lot of scrambling. They're throwing a lot of money at the problem. The problem is their audience is shrinking, and their advertising dollars are shrinking. And this is true.

This is the truth. It's been a steady decline. It's a slow decline because the networks are doing an excellent job of keeping the quality of the content up. But nonetheless, it's still a decline, and I think over years we'll see the model, model shift. And, I mean, we are seeing the model shift, but right now television is still your primary source of entertainment. I could easily foresee a future where it's all on the

web. I think for people my age, I don't think TV is number one anymore. I think if sports weren't a factor, it'd be even more people not on TV. Because honestly, that's the really only reason I need cable, other than that. I could get anything I need online. What do you thing about, and I'm actually really pissed off, I hate AT&T. I hate them. They're the worst. And they just bought DirecTV. And you saw the news this morning, right? Yeah. About AT&T?

And Comcast just bought Frickin Time Warner. They're only going to they're older, it's going to be worse and worse because they're going to have even less choices. And it's going to get more expensive. And it's just, it's terror. And then out here for Dodgers fans, if you don't have

Time Warner, you can't watch Dodger games. So now they have no reason they keep I think they're making terrible decisions I watched I went I clicked on a gallery online they have all those picture galleries like look at the shows that got canceled this year

I went through 40 slides and I must have not known 30 of the shows all the pilots and stuff that got canceled you just never hear of them anymore so I mean I'll be saturated the market the cable landscape is now saturated

Who announced the other day that they declined to launch a... I was just reading into trades that someone came out to say, Oh, let's move us, was making a comment about, you know, maybe launching a CBS-branded cable network. But at this point, the cable landscape is so saturated. There were so many channels out there that you had no clue that they existed. But it's a waste of time and a waste of space. and a list of money, more importantly.

Yeah, the cable landscape is pretty much done and eaten up. And AT&T just spent $48 billion, by the way, $48 billion to buy DirecTV. I don't even know how that's legal, by the way. They have about 25 million subscribers, I think, between 20 and 25 million subscribers, direct TV. So that's a huge chunk of change. But what that does for AT&P, it, puts them in the TV business. It puts them in the cable business, you know, AT&T.

And that's where they want to be. Jesus. It's, uh, it's pretty, I think the only TV stations that really make sense are like those ones like TBS and all those ones that just really do syndicated shows and then not have to spend any money on producing the actual shows. TBS does produce a few shows, but like whatever my team, I like, whatever that weird guy that number 11 that it shows like King of queens and friends and that those must be the only ones making money because the people love the shows and they don't have to produce anything yeah but yeah but those shows still cost money to acquire for tn tb s and bs and those shows aren't cheap that's true uh and that's why you see such

a turnover by the way when you know when when we have these up front you know you have first you have the the the the the the what's been canceled you have the announcements of what shows are not coming back. And then you have the up front. Now, now you know what the purpose of the upfront is, correct? No, hit me. Well, the purpose of the upfront is, and the upfront's have gotten more and more and more consolidated now. What I mean by that is NBC Universal. Let's take them my old boss as an example. NBC Universal held their upfront on May 12th at the jabbit settle. Okay. And it wasn't just NBC Universal. It was all of the networks that fall under the NBC Universal umbrella. So that would be USA Network. That would be sci-fi channel. That would be E.

It would be Esquire. It would be Chiller. It would be all a telemundo. I'm excuse me, Univision. You know, six, seven, eight networks. Now, what they do is, They all gather all of the advertisers together. This is a party for the advertisers, the upfront. Because that's a broadcast channel, a broadcasting cable channels currency, is how they raise revenue through programming. They raise revenue from the advertisers. So they throw a big party for the advertisers,

and they pull out all the stops, and NBC Universal this year had Seth Myers come out. they held it at the Jabbit Center and Seth Myers came out and entertained the crowd with a few jokes, blah-b-b-ba-la-ba. Joel McHale also came out and spoke to the crowd. And basically what they tell the crowd, because the crowd is made up of advertisers, they thank them for their support. Thank you for your continued support. Thank you for your advertising dollars.

and here is our slate of upcoming programming for you to check out so that we can continue to do business together. And that's the purpose of the upfront, is to bring in the advertisers, thank them for their support, and then show them what you have coming around the corner so that they can invest more dollars in your network. That's basically what the up front's are. And it's usually a great party. In the 20 years that I worked for sci-fi, I only wanted two up front. Basically, the reason being was because this was before the consolidating occurred.

You know, like sci-fi would have its own upfront separate from USA Network, separate from E, separate from Chiller. You know, well, no, sci-fi-Chilly used to do this together. But all the cable networks used to do there separately. Now, we live in a climate where, you know, I just rattled off seven channels owned by one company. You know, you have NBC, USA, sci-fi, Chiller, Esquire, E, Univision. You have all, and the seven, eight, nine channels under one owner. Okay.

So it just makes sense to throw one party. now what do you think about like at the big in theater in manhattan fox held theirs and they had ryan c crest open and make it and and address the crowd

so it's a way for advertisers to see the silads to see the stars you know to to to tie one on a little bit have some good food it's a big shrews fest basically

what do you think like is it possible now because i mean When you think of advertisers, the whole reason they don't have swearing on TV is because it would upset the advertisers. Do you think that, like, I don't know if, like, let's say Screenbox had an upfront, could you say, could, like, could you have swearing and still get advertisers that would lock on, and you could still make money as opposed to not having, to having nothing on TV now, because, God forbid, an advertiser drops out? All right, that's a great question.

That's a great question because what that allows me to do is to clarify something, okay? There were two business models out there. There is the broadcast model which relies on advertisers for their revenue, and then there's the subscription model. And the subscription model is like HBO, Stars, Encore, Showtime, okay? In the subscription world, there's no advertising. They make their money. They make their money through subscription.

So there's no ads. There's no, there's promos for material that appears on their own network, but there's no Burger King, no brillo and biscuits, right? So Screenbox falls under that model of subscription, and that's one of the things that has me thrilled about being part of the team at Screenbox, is that there's no more ratings, there's no more advertisers, there's no more censoring, because we're subscriber-based,

the movies, you watch the movies with all of the language, you watch the movie the way it was made, the way it was meant to be watched. That's funny because... In the story. So, we don't approach

advertisers at Screenbox. We probably will for the website, but the main source of revenue is subscription. That's amazing, because last week, when I did Doug Lugge's, movies. We were talking about when you watch a movie on TV and instead of

saying shit, they say crap. But sometimes, let's say Ray Leota is the one that's saying it, they can't get Ray and they get like Lee to say, just say, crap. At the end of Ray Leotas and you sit there and go, Jesus Christ, what am I watching? It's like watching

Scarface on TBS or something. Yeah, it does feel like the dark ages. We've definitely evolved. and that is a problem that the broadcasters and the cablers have is that they still, well, you see, they fall, the broadcast networks fall under the regulations of the FCC, because their material is free over the airways. You could go to Radio Shack and spend $50 on a digital antenna, put it up on your roof,

and boom, you get all the networks. In gorgeous 1080I, by definition. So they're held to a standard regulated by the government. The cable industry is not regulated by the FCC in so much that as far as content goes. The cable industry sought more or less polices itself. With the exception of HBO stars and Showtime, those guys are all, you know, my God, you ever watch Spartacus? I hate to go off topic for a second, but you ever watch Spartacus?

No, on Showtime? Holy shit. Let me tell you something. That show would have a hard time earning an R rating if they went out into the theaters theatrically. Jesus Christ,

between the bloodletting, the gore, and the masturbation, there's no way that they would get an R rating in the theaters, but because they're show time and because their business model is a transaction between a subscriber and the company, they don't fall under those FCC guidelines.

They don't fall under those FCC regulations, I should say. So the networks do it because they have to, because the government tells them so. They can be fined by the government. And we've seen these cases happen, Bono, Share, Howard Stern. we've seen these cases where if someone drops an F-bomb you know the FCC is going to find you for that let me ask you something Ray I'm really interested in that I have a friend the comedian friend

I've known this since she was answering the phones at the fucking improv and Dallas that's how long I know Christella Alonzo Christella Alonzo's show got picked up last week by ABC How do you know? This is a Spanish girl that came out here, got a job writing on the Carlos Mencier show, wrote, when that ended, she went on her own, did comedy. I seen her on Sons of Anarchy.

She got shot in the head. She did a couple episodes of some shows. She went to Montreal and got a deal. She's a Spanish girl. So they gave her a weird deal. You know, they gave her an ABC, 100,000 flat or something, and pay as you go along. which everybody else they'll give you

you know whatever you want 250,000 and they gave this girl nothing but it was if they write a script we'll give you 30,000 if the script goes to pilot we'll give you another 100,000

if the pilot gets picked up then you get the fucking world so the show got... Oh my God, I am so happy for her I'm the name of the show is on Cristella and Gabriel Glacis plays her boyfriend really?

Now she knows Gabriel and her have been on the road for years yeah Christella's a neat girl And I mean, when I saw the trailer, I was so fucking happy. But here's the thing, right. Ready?

They gave it, they gave it like the fucking 10 o'clock slot on Friday nights on ABC. Now, everybody knows that's a tough night. But in this society, it really isn't. Right. Because somebody like Lee will tape that motherfucker and go out and watch it all on Sunday when he watches, what else did you tell,

Louis? Well, Shark Tank is on Friday 9, too. It's been on for like four or five years. Yeah, that's one of my favorites, too. But now, when you DVR a show, is that part of ratings still? Like, if 50 million people DVR Cristella and don't watch it as it's getting aired, does it still count as a view? Will ABC cancel her if everybody DVRs the show?

Yes, yes, and yes. it counts. When you DVR a program, it counts, but it goes into a different bucket. And I'll try to explain. We'll make this three different buckets. One bucket is live viewing. And live viewing means your sporting events,

the news, and award shows. Okay? Because most award shows are live events, the Oscars. What did we have last night? The Billboard Awards. Okay. Okay? So, live viewing is where a network or a cable network has its strongest.

Strongest dollars is in live viewing. They want you to watch them live. Now, let's say last night you were watching the Billboard Awards and you had to go make a Pichadul, okay? You had to go to the back house and make a Pesha. Pichadu, and you freeze, you paused the live broadcast. The moment you do that, you fall into the second bucket. Okay? The second bucket is time-shifted viewing.

Even though you hit the pause button, and that pause button is, you know, you go make a Pichadu, you come back 45 seconds to a minute later, you are now timed delayed. All right, and that's a second bucket. then the third bucket would be plus seven, which means that you ended up watching it within seven days of its original brookets. And that's the last, and that's the third bucket. So there's three different buckets. Each bucket has a different value to the cable company, live being the highest value. Because you're probably fast-forwarding through commercials if you record it.

So I say again? Because you're probably fast-forwarding through commercials if you record it. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Now, again, these numbers are only generated by Nielsen Holmes. And I don't know if we touched on this the last time we spoke. But, you know, like Coco, no one's, unless you're in a selected Nielsen home, no one's looking at your DVR. Yeah, that's the biggest bullshit thing now anyways.

With all the digital stuff, so unless you have a Nielsen box, I don't know how they're getting these numbers. they pick a couple people to give a Nielsen box, and then they just extrapolate from those numbers, so they have no idea who's watching anything. Now, who gets a Nielsen box, and who judges who gets one? They do. Well, I would say right about now, and, boy, if there were any other broadcasters or folks listening,

they can certainly correct anything I'm saying. But I would think the last time I noticed, it's about 20,000 homes right now in the United States are official Nielsen homes. So those 20,000 households, those people are basically dictating what the rest of the world is watched, the rest of the United States, excuse me, what the rest of the United States is watching.

I think there's over 100 million homes with cable, currently right now, and 20,000 of those homes on Nielsen homes. You're selected by your location, You're selected by your income. You are selected by how many people are in the household. You are selected by, well, those three things primarily. Where you live, what your income is, and how many people are in the household.

I'm sure that there were more factors than that. But for this discussion, I'm trying to keep it simple. Then what they do is they measure the viewing habits of those 20,000 households, and they yield a result. They say, through their matrix, through the way that they do their math, they can extrapolate, as you've said, the information and say this many people watched the Billboard Music Awards last night. Now, how old is that system? Because it would be like if, let's say over the weekend, Joey had 300 people at one show. It'd be like getting comment cards from five people. And maybe you just gave those cards to the five people who didn't want to be there anyways.

like it seems like with all the internet stuff now that we could probably actually know who's watching what and then we wouldn't have two and a half men on for 10 years because just a couple random people who got the Nielsen box liked it yeah you know I mean that's the argument that has existed from day one even even before the digital age there were many many many people inside and outside of the industry that felt that the numbers simply didn't hold up that the numbers don't add up, that the sample was simply too small. Like you said, you know, it's like handing out five Q&A cards to a room of 300 people. It's almost like taking a baseball player's one single time at that and making that single time at bat his average for the season.

You know? Yeah, I don't get the system. And I feel bad for people who do TV shows now because they could do a great TV show and just maybe they don't give people people who are horror fans Nielsen boxes so the horror show goes off the air now it's just a yes I mean it's

and for many many decades this system has worked but on the other hand you can also say well it was also the only system in town you know it was the only game in town now here in the digital age advertising And by the way now, there's also C3.

C3 is the rating that is given to commercials. Commercials are rated now. I remember back in the day when VBRs were just coming on board, and advertisers were a living. They're like, hey, look, if it's being VVR, people are not watching the commercials. So what Nielsen did was Nielsen turned around and developed the matrix that simply measures the commercials. To tell the advertisers,

hold your horses, calm down, here are the numbers. People are actually watching your commercials. Okay, so that's even another bucket, but I don't want to get, I don't want to get too complicated. I don't want to get too complicated in the discussion,

but what's going on right now in the digital error is that advertisers are screaming for a new matrix, for a new unit of measure, a central one coming from Nielsen. However, most advertisers are using their own matrices now anyway. So I'm not quite sure how a single uniform unit of a way of measuring the digital audience, I don't see that much happening because most advertisers just use their own matrices at this point now anyway.

so it's a little bit so so it's much much much tougher when you see a show get canceled and this is the old programmer programmer in me talking now but a show gets canceled because people don't watch it I mean that that's it at the end of the day uh I know that audiences would like to think that

programmers shove things down your throat but not today we're reactionary programmers we react to what people respond to okay and if people go to a show Coco Coco you know this you're on stage if people go to a show and they don't like the show they see they don't come back

you're right right I'm the same is true of television but how does a show with Robin Williams not work at a perfect time slot this guy's been on TV for 40 fucking years I mean we grew up on I'm Robin Williams Is it because it's too competitive or the show is just aren't any good anymore?

Well, he probably didn't come cheap. Okay? Right. I think we could all make that aside. That's what else I was thinking about. Okay. So that show has to bring in a certain amount of revenue for it to be a success, which means that it has to hit a certain number.

And if it doesn't hit that number, if people don't watch it, then the network has to make a decision. Hey, look, Robin Williams has costed us X amount of dollars. The show is not yielding the ratings that we've promised to advertisers. So we've got to let the show go. And that's what happens. Nothing lasts forever in television, I think, except maybe 60 minutes in The Simpsons. That's about it.

It's crazy how attached you get to shows, too. Like that thing with community that just happened. And even when regular shows get canceled, You get, it gets sad for a second, then you realize, like, why am I said the TV show's ending? But it's weird how attached people get to it. We all have that show, though. We all have that show. I'm amazed community lasted as long as it bit.

Oh, yeah, me too. I think that that's really, to be honest, I think it's a testament to the people at NBC Universal because it wasn't really doing all that well, but they stuck with it. And you don't see that too often nowadays. Things get canceled. Quickly. Man, you've got three. You get three episodes.

Especially when I can put Beverly Hills Housewives on. You know, we could put a reality show, you know, of something, and they get ratings. And even it's too quick. Seinfeld wouldn't have lasted 10 years ago. They wouldn't have given it two seasons. You know, not in 2005, they were cutting you on the third fucking episode. I remember the Tracy Morgan show?

You remember the Tracy Morgan show on NBC? No. Three episodes. You know, Joe Pent. Joe Pentland. know had a show one at one year about the beginning of they went through everybody they went through every combination uh what's his name low what's his name low they put rob low had a show his fail what they do they put joe pants and rob low together on friday night that show failed you know they

don't keep you around they don't give you i'm surprised blue bloods has lasted on cbs with tom sellick as long as you know with moynne hand you look at these shows and you you know a guy like me I'm interested. Why has that lasted and why hasn't this lasted? You know, I came from a society where we didn't watch TV on the front. Well, we did growing up. We watched Sampton, Sun at 8, and Chico and the man at 830, you know. And then you went out, and then you had Miami fucking Vice at 9 o'clock. So you had to tell the deal of not to come over to 10.15 because Miami Vice ended at 10 and you couldn't wait to fucking do a line of blow. You know, there was all these.

I wasn't cut up as much back then. Yeah, no. You had, you know, 60 channels. so crowded today. It is so crowded today, man. I mean, to make a hit. And Friday nights, by the way, there's a term called hot levels. Okay, hot levels are houses using television, okay? And Friday night has the lowest hot levels of the week. Your worst, your worst nights for television, television viewership where there are fewer people sitting in front of the TV on Friday nights

and Saturday nights. Okay? So, what do you two think would be the best nights? Mondays, maybe what, and Tuesdays? Well, actually, isn't Thursday the best night? Isn't Thursdays? Sunday and Monday.

Sundays and Mondays are your best are the highest hot levels. You have the majority of folks, homes, using television. Sunday night and Monday night. And what always runs on Sunday nights? Football.

Award shows. From the Oscars to the Billboard Awards, to the American Music Awards, you normally see your award shows on Sunday nights because of the high-hot levels. And you also see a lot of your big mini-series events when History Channel did the Bible and all of these big,

the Rosemary's, baby coming from NBC. It's a Sunday night and a Monday night because they're hedging their bets because more people will be in front of that televisions on those nights. So to your friend who's getting a show

on ABC on a Friday night at 10 o'clock, she's got a bit of an uphill battle. Right, no, no, no, I know that. I know that, that's why. And I love it at death and I want to support it on the show. She's, you know, I can't believe it happened. And they give all these stars, these shows, and this girl found the writer, you know,

for you to get your show on the air, so many stars have to align. Yes. You know, so many stars have to align. You can have the best show, go in front of an audience, the thing sucks, and there you are.

So many stars have to align. So I'm very happy for it. Ray, when is your, so your new web page launches July 15th, you said? This is, this is the information I have at the moment. July 15th,

screen box is going to really become a much more robust experience. And it will be available on multiple platforms that people are accustomed to a subscriber, to a subscription sort of model. There was a wonderful announcement from Xbox, I think about a week ago, a week or two ago, wonderful announcement from Xbox.

They are no longer going to be charging an Xbox Gold membership in order to get to their pay channels. In order to get to the Xbox pay channels, you needed to be a member of Xbox Gold.

And they're removing that wall now. They're removing that wall so that you don't have to be an Xbox gold member in order to gain access to Netflix and the other pay services that are available on Xbox. So that's wonderful news for me.

that's wonderful news uh... of the screen box i should say and then um... the other piece of news uh... that was also uh... uh... well i have a mixed feeling about it because i have good friends there but uh... uh... fear net is uh... no longer going to be around they're going dark

they're going black uh... a comcast fear net was a horror was a horror was a hormone channel and it was owned by several companies I think it was Lion's Gate and MGM. I'm not sure I'm blanking. I'm sure the folks out there know better than me, they're yelling at me right now. But FearNet was owned by several companies,

and Comcast was one of them. Comcasts swoop in, bought out its partners. It now owns FearNet outright, and it's going to, it's going to eliminate the channel. And the programming that exists on FearNet is going to be divided between Sci-Fi Channel and Chiller. Now, this makes me very happy.

It makes me very happy because there's a void now. Avoid that needs to be filled. Avoid that Sightry Channel and Chiller can't fill because they're appetizer-based. They're the old business model. Okay, whenever you tune in to Chiller for horror movies, guess what, folks? Here comes the commercial break. Gonna bounce you out of the horror. and all of the language and all of the violence,

and whatever nudity exists is going to be eliminated. Okay? And that's why it's a VOD world. That is why the shift is happening, because the audience is demanding it. Horror fans don't want horror movies whitewashed or saturated. They don't want any movie whitewashed or saturated. Horror fans don't want horror movies sanitized.

And that's what you get when you watch horror on TV at the moment. Now, Walking Dead in American Horror Story are two excellent shows, but I can't watch them with the commercial breaks. I wait until Netflix. I wait till later, because the commercial breaks bounce me out of the holler. It's disruptive. I can't take it. So on this your page, kickoff, July 15th?

July 15th, yeah. Yeah, July 15th. We're very, very, very excited. And this was really the original design. for Screenbox from my understanding when I was asked to join the team. My understanding was that the original launch for Screenbox was supposed to be on Xbox. And that was always the goal. That was always the intent.

And for reasons I'm not clear about it launched on YouTube instead. But the Xbox launch is now coming. So this is really where we wanted to be. And we're very much prepared for it. And we're very excited about it. I'm thrilled, personally. I'm thrilled because I'm able to give horror fans content the way it's supposed to, not through someone else's shelter.

I don't want to watch a horror film through someone else's filter. I want to see the film the filmmaker made. Ray, you're like the Fidel Castro of fucking horror films. You used to drag me down to Jersey City 40 years ago to watch all that craziness. Ray, we're going to have you back on. We're going to have you back on July 14th to promote this if you don't mind. Ray, I love you. Your fucking knowledge of all is fuck.

The people are happy today. It was great seeing you and your brother together at the Stress Factory. It really hit home to see all of us together. Folks, if you haven't gone out to see Joey D. as yet live, man, damn, you're missing out. You might as well be living in a cave. What a show. Let me tell you something.

My ribs hurt, dude, my ribs hurt from laughing so goddamn home. When we talked about the fucking kid with the point of ears growing up, Vinnie Warhead, the kid that fucking used to light the fires, he was a volunteer fireman, he used to light the fires and he'd get there first. Folks, folks, let me tell you, when you go see Joey on stage, and he's telling you about his friends growing up, he's not kidding. We were fucking around.

I gasped in the audience because I'm hearing names of people I know and situations, and I just, and I gasped because I'm like, oh shit, I know this person. Folks, when you go see, when you go see Joey, you're seeing the real deal. The real deal. I can guarantee that.

I love you, Uncle Ray. I'll give you a call during the week. Give you a brother a kiss for me, and thank you. always I love you buddy thank you for being my friend for 45 fucking my brother always asks for you he messages him we love you very very very much I love you guys too really really proud of you do and I'm proud of you guys that you're still in my corner man stay blackish and we'll be in touch I shall I shall I'm black and proud I say it loud

Ow hit me hit me stay black I love you cocksucker Lee love you too stay well all right brother he's fucking great he really is He is. I learned something every time I talk to that fucking lunatic. That vapor hit me a little bit.

It's supposed to fucking hit you, what do you think this is? Where's Tony Bennett? That's what I'm talking about. We're forgetting about everybody. I mean,

a main steps ahead. We love you, people. A little something for your Monday morning. We're always around. I want to be around to pick up the pieces

when somebody breaks Your heart Are you fucking kidding me? We're always there We're all together Fuck these motherfuckers We own this place

It's over No more fucking around I'm stoned too I think that piece I'm thinking about that fucking one egg And that piece of wheat toast Oh yeah I hope Tony Bennett has like a web guide

Who will eventually actually go to this YouTube page for the song. I'm sorry? Just talk over it. And he goes, and he looks at all the comments, and he figures it out. What the fuck are they talking about? Church, grab your balls.

I mean, Mr. Bennett, come on. Are you fucking kidding me? Let's see if the puzzle fits. What's the story, Lisa. Let's blast these motherfuckers with some... Onit! Always On It! I was just in Austin. I talked to Arby, but we didn't connect, and I feel really bad.

But it doesn't matter when I got back. I did my Onet 120, and I'm fucking back. I took a little three-hour nap. And as usual, Shroom Tech, strong bone, digestive enzymes. Listen, if you're not fucking around with Anna, at least giving it a try, you're slipping. I'm telling you this is sincerely as can be.

You know, if you've got to open up a little alpha brain, just to see how it makes you feel. Go with Alphabre. It's got a money back guarantee. They've got the kettlebells. They've got the fucking kettlebells. The devil faces on them. They got the ropes.

Listen, I'm talking about supplements here. Give it a shot. You got nothing to lose. You know, Columbus. Take a fucking chance. It's Monday. Go to honor.com. Go to the box and press.

Church. Go to Joey Dears. Dot.net. Look at the tour dates. Look at the Onet box. Why are you there? Go to the Onet box. Go look at Honet.

See what in the fucking box? You put church in the box. C-H-U-R-C-H. Get your 10% off. You have the mailing list. If you want to join up for the stay on it, they'll mail it to you at the first of the month. It's a great deal, okay? Hulu Plus, as usual.

This is what Ray was talking about this morning. Websites like Hulu Plus.com. They're fucking tremendous, okay? We don't fuck around. I read you the shows the other day. I tell you what they got on. You can watch them at any time. Movies, kids shows, documentaries, whatever the fuck you need.

Hulu Plus has it. Why fuck around with all this other shit and pay too much? I'm asking you for $7.9. a month, but I'm giving you two weeks for free. $7.99 a month, but we're going to give you two weeks to get your fucking money's worth, see what it's got to offer you, see the order they come in, how it works, bo, boom, boom, bam! And then after that, it's $799.

Go to joey-deas.net. Go to Hulu Plus box and press. Press Joey. Like a bad motherfucker that you are. J-O-E-Y. Start with Hulu Plus today. They've got Shark Tank. They've got just so many fucking shows.

It's just too many. It's a great thing all rolled up into one. My wife lives on it. She watches it on a Roku. You can watch it on multiple devices, iPhone, iPad. Knock yourself the fuck out. You could even watch it off of... If you look at the moon at night, they got Hulu Plus on the fucking moon on the side.

You follow me? They'll have something on it. Only Jews get to see that. Only Jews get to see that. Go to Huluplus.com. Go to Joey Dears. Go to the Hulu Plus box and press in. Joey.

Boom! There you go. Watch your favorite shows, all different devices. $7.99 a month. You can't beat that. Number three. Dollar Shave Club, come on. You know what? I'm sick of telling you motherfuckers.

For a dollar, $6 and $9 a month, I don't have to sell this. I'm telling you this is your fucking uncle. Cut this shit. It's $1, $6 and $9. You get brand new razors delivered to your house monthly. They send you an email so you can sit out there and watch for the fucking mailman to come. Boom, it'll put it right in your hand. You get your four fucking razors. One blade, single blade. The other package comes with an aloe strip on it. You can't lose. $9, $6, $1 a month. Either of those packages will work for you.

They also got the one-wife Charlie's. They also got the fucking shave butter. You're not going to lose with this shit. I'm telling you right now. Try the $6 package. Okay, just try them. Let me know what the fuck you think. You're not going to be sorry.

Go to joey-diaz.net. Go to the dollar shave club box and press in. Church. Church. See you. C-U-H. You are C-H. Also, to my buddies at escapoddank.

All I hear are great things from them. Great things from people that do business with them. Go to EscapeBotTank.com. Get the Just off the Rank Model. What's the name is? Just the tank model. You got $150 off. Let me tell you something about these guys.

They got an 800 number there. You got any problems, any questions with Volitation tanks. Jeremy is always there to answer whatever fucking question you got. That's how solid he is. This is a customer service-based company. If you don't want, they got industrial tanks, they got residential tanks, they got commercial tanks. commercial tanks they'll send them to your fucking house you call the plumber let him

install it or they'll fly out and install it for you mention joeydeers.net get a deuce and a half off where you're gonna get that type of action call jeremy today on the 809 line escapot tank dot com and i also want to give love to everybody who gives us fucking love from my girl lori ortega sergio's wife to shannon fox i love you for having this to your husband's fucking corner to sam graziano to my beautiful fucking oogie spooky for coming down constant Andrew and Yasnid for the beautiful fucking card. I don't know I pronounce her name correctly. Please twit me and tell me the name, and I pronounce it again.

You're a beautiful couple and you're beautiful people. A lot of you people that came to Austin, I fucking love you, man. Dead Squad Nation, stand up, take your dick out. Tell them all to fucking sniff that helmet. Joshua Michikis, no, Machalksky, Joshua McCalky, I fucking love you. And Vats Panos. I'll see you soon, cocksucker. but I think I'm going to talk to Lee

and we're going to start a new podcast once a week called The Church Advice and we're going to give you a number and you're going to call with your problem or whatever you have on your mind. You don't have to give your name, you don't have to give you a number, nothing like that.

We're not going to take your number. We're not going to call you back. We don't give a fuck. I know a lot of people have questions that are deep and maybe you want to talk them out with myself and Lee. So we're going to get a number today and we'll let you know when that's going to start up because I get fucking great emails.

And listen, man, the emails and what we talk about in the show, go hand in hand, but I just want to dedicate a show, I think, once or twice a month to fucking people from the church that have a fucking question about their life, man,

and maybe me or Lee or we'll get somebody else. And this isn't to laugh at you or the goof on you. You know, I got a great one yesterday about some kids said, I got two great ones yesterday about a kid who called

who hit me up and said he's a salesman. You know, he's getting into cars and he's learning a lot and it's hard. And he said, you know, Joy, I always hear you talk. about it. What's the best advice you give me? I told him, you know, follow up and send cards, send thank you cards. Don't hang out with the fuckheads in the circle and do what they don't do. Do opposite of what they do. You know, be your own person as a salesman. But the most

important thing is to keep your shoes shined. Because when you shine your shoes, you're ready for the day. You're letting your mind know that you're ready for the fucking day. You ain't fucking around. We don't shine our shoes enough and I'm guilty of that shit. When I go out and I see a salesman, I look at his shoes, and I get fucking depressed. And you guys are looking at me and going, Joy, what are you talking about? Let me tell you something. It all starts with shining your fucking shoes in the morning. You shine your own fucking, fucking... Anybody could take

it to some fucking Puerto Rican or some white dude or some black dude at a train station. Anybody could do that. I'm talking about you yourself as a human being, putting your thing on, putting that fucking black gunk on or a brown gunk and shining your shoes, it does something to your attitude. Listen, man, Lee will tell you, I fucking hate everything.

I have a great time with Lee. I have a... Every morning I talk about the word love because if you fucking say it you'll believe it throughout the day you know every day I tell somebody I love him and I see him looking at me like wow because they hear it and they go why would you say that hmm you know maybe somebody whatever it all starts with the little fucking things you know and I believe that I had a manager Wayne means and he used to say that when you shine your own shoes you believe in yourself it's a weird way of believing in yourself and these are just little anecdotes I've picked up and I paid attention to and I see what they're talking

Wayne Means was a biker half the year, and the other half of the year, he was a fucking car salesman. But when you worked with Wayne Means, your income went up. Everybody's income went up, $2,000, $3,000 a month because he attacked different things that we didn't attack in normal. He was a biker, guys. He was a fucking biker with long hair and a beard and the Harley and an old lady and tattoos. But six months of a year, he fucking shaved his head,

he shaved his head, trimmed his beard, He took off his glasses because he goes, I want him to see my beautiful blue eyes. This guy was an amazing man. When I went to prison, he was fucking amazing way he means. I mean, when the cops went looking for me, he gave him a wrong address. He used to call me brother.

He used to call me the renegade. And he used to tell, you know, he believed in me. And sometimes when somebody has a weird belief in you, he was a car sales. This guy had no reason. He was a fucking nomad six months a year. But six of months a year, to keep his sanity, he would just fucking change himself completely.

And he would go into it, he would become corporate. It was the most amazing thing. And he'd come over to me and go, this is what I, and I'd wait for him. I worked for him for three years. I worked from the Suzuki store for a while. I couldn't sell Suzuki's that kept dipping over. Yeah, fuck those Suzuki's that kept tipping over. You remember those things, Lee?

The little bikes? No, the fucking jeeps. That's how old I am. Oh, the cars? Yeah, they had these Azookis. Motorcycles. No, he kept chippin' holy shit.

And then he went to the Subaru store and I learned more in those six months about sales but I don't stop laughingly. Let me get a water Lee. I got cotton mouth from the hemorrhoid medication. It's very amazing.

And that's one thing you used to say, brother, you got to shine your shoes, brother. You got to look sharp. You got to feel like a million fucking bucks to make a million bucks. So if you take anything from today's show, shine your fuck. Uh-oh, here comes fucking Donald Trump

and the construction crew again. It's fucking capoots to the podcast. It's funny one thing. It's the fuck another. Party of your nuts today, people. It's going to be a hot one. We love you. Listen, let me give you some dates. I'm going to be at the Ice House. May 28th. Next Wednesday, we got a great guest.

That next Thursday night, me and Lee are going to San Diego. We're going to be in Harris at 9 o'clock. Eating steak, selling T-shirts, fucking around, patches, the whole thing. June 6th and 7th. I met Wise guys with the great drunken talk. Duncan Trussell. One of the best co-headlining shows you'll see this year at wiseguise.com.

Look at the tickets. This is a goofy podcast. Shut the fuck up, cocksuck. It's always a goofy podcast. And Governor's Long Island, three days in June, get your tickets. Joey Dears.net for your fucking geek patches, t-shirts and your cups. But seriously, I want to let you people know we're going to start. We're going to start out gently and see how you guys love.

If you don't like it, we'll get rid of it. I just think it's a good idea for people who want to send me an email, but not really. Because I get great emails. I got another one about marriage yesterday also. I brought a tear to my eye. The guy was getting divorced and he couldn't believe it until he didn't do the little things. Like I tell Lee, anybody could give you a woman flowers, anybody could buy you a diamond. It's the little things in a relationship, but I didn't know when I was with Kathy.

You know, I talked about Mercy and my other daughter, Jackie. I was two different people. I had two different expectations of life. And sometimes you've got to taste shit before your life tastes better. Sometimes you've got to taste shit, man, before it gets better. You know, and with marriage and shit like that, as relationships with Lee, is it giving a take, you know? Yeah.

Lee has to know I got his back fully. And I have to know Lee's got my back fully. And he does, and I have his back. And that's in a friendship relationship. But it also works in a home relationship with your wife. Man, I'm not the easiest guy to live with, and I know that. but I love my wife and I give me the respect that I can

and I'm home at nights and I like other women I like looking at pussy and tits don't get me wrong that's what part of being a man is but my dedication to my wife is and sometimes we forget that early on when we're young

it's not just going home fucking them and eating dinner with them you gotta do little things listen on Sundays I love to go to the open row at GMAC at VMA at my jitia school it's fucking tremendous people come from other schools and teach you things but it's family day

I could jujit jujitoo I had six fucking days a week so I want to be covering shit like that on this if you're interested to twit me you know this is something for you you know give us a response you know twit Lee tell Lee it's a great idea I'll give you a date we're gonna get a new 800 numbers you could call from wherever the fuck you got a call

and we're gonna give this shot to church advice we'll have a t-shirt made a patch maybe we'll send you a sticker to say that you called in you know whatever the fuck you can put it in your window put up your ass I don't give a fuck it's Monday May 19th Go out there, fucking swing from the fucking fences and let them know who fucking sent you.

You're a bad motherfucker. Don't let them tell you otherwise. I want to give a shout out to Ray Cannell and all my sponsors on it, Dollar Shave Club, Hulu Plus, EscapePodTank.com, nailed it life and naturesbox.com and my biggest sponsors, you bad motherfuckers for loving us. Have a great day. Stay black and do your thing.

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forward slash church or just go to joey-Dias. net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. and thank you to escapodtank.com get your sensor deprivation tank they have a couple different models they'll set it up for you mention joe dyes and you're gonna save an additional two hundred fifty dollars