The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #180 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ
Episode Date: July 13, 2022Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Wednesday, July 13th.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Liquid IV, Factor & CBD Lion.�...�. Liquid IV Support the show and get 25% off at https://Liquid-IV.com by using code JOEY at checkout. FACTOR pre-made meals Go to https://go.factor75.com/joey120 and get $120 Off! ' Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #CBDLion #Factor #LiquidIV The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This podcast is brought to you by Onit.
Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements.
If you find something you like, press in code Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your house.
What's happened, you bad motherfuckers?
It's Wednesday.
The 13th of motherfucking July.
The joint is brought to you by one of my favorites, Liquid IV.
Listen, the summer months are here.
It's hot out there.
You got to stay fueled.
hydrated. One stick of liquid IV in 16 ounces of water hydrates you two times faster and more
efficiently than water alone. Liquid IV products taste great with 10 refreshing flavors. You know what mine are?
Grape, the cherry, the pinia collada, the tropical punch, and you know what else they got?
Campocha. Use liquid IV first thing in the morning before a workout. When you feel run down after a long night out and to manage your daily
hydration. The single serve packaging helps you stay hydrated while you're on the go, on the road,
jumping up and down. Me, I love liquid IV. I wake up a little bit in the morning. I'm out of it.
I drink my coffee. I take my shower right before the gym. I blast my liquid IV. I put a couple
drops in there of self-food and forget about it. Liquid IV uses cellular transport technology
designed to enhance rapid absorption of water.
Do me a favor.
Grab your liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco.
Or, I'll tell you what Uncle Joey's going to do for you.
I'm going to get you 25% off when you go to Liquidiv.com and use Code Joey at checkout.
That's 25% off anything you can order from LiquidI.B.
To keep you hydrated.
Use promo code Joey at Liquid Ivy.
dot com. Again, Joey at liquid ivy.com, I'm going to save you 25% on liquid IV. And you guys know
these fucking things are pricey, so I'm hooking you up on a Wednesday morning. The joint is
also brought to you by Factor. Listen, summer is for relaxing, not for grocery shopping and cooking
and doing dishes. Factor has tons of balanced, delicious add-ons that will help you stay on track
all summer like smoothies, shakes, and snacks.
Let me tell you something.
Those smoothies are fucking delicious.
Factor makes it easy to eat well for breakfast,
lunch, and dinner, and anything in between.
They're fresh, never frozen,
and the meals are delicious and nutritious.
You can feel good all summer
with calorie smart and keto options
expertly proportioned to keep you on track with your goals.
Factor offers 32 meals per week,
including 11 keto options.
New gourmet plus meals.
Make eating at home feel like you're at a fucking chef's house.
You understand me?
Don't spend your afterwork hours in a grocery store in the kitchen.
Let Factor deliver ready-made meals right to your door.
Each Factor meal arrives in prepared by their team of chefs ready to eat in two minutes.
They offer vegan veggie meals, keto meals, calorie smart meals, cold press juices,
smoothies, energy bites, they're going to keep you fueled and focus all day.
But it starts with you.
Go to dot factor 75.com slash Joey 120.
Again, dot factor 75.com slash Joey 120.
Again, Joey 120 to get you $120 off your first order.
Go to dot factor 75.com slash Joey for 120.
for $120
off.
Again,
dot factor 75.com
slash Joey 120.
The joint is also brought to you by
when it comes to CBD.
They're the best.
How do I know?
Because they've been here for me
for five years
and I won't even think of going anywhere else.
CBD line.
Do me a favor.
Go to CBD line right now
and read the third party lab results
if there's something you like.
Order it,
press and code.
Joey Joint or
church and get 20% off delivered to your house they also have a tremendous delta 8 fucking
gummy that'll put you through fucking the stratosphere and i'm gonna save you 20% right now so it's a
fucking bargain go to cbdline.com read the third party lab results put in joint joey or church and
get 20% off and now let's get this motherfucking party started what's happened you bad motherfuckers
It's Wednesday, July the 13th.
I can't fucking believe it's July.
As a matter of fact, today's two-year anniversary
from when I heard on television
that there was going to be no school in California
and I told my wife we're out of here.
Today's the two-year fucking anniversary
of us going, fuck, California.
We're going back to New Jersey.
It's a beautiful day to be alive.
I got a couple emails about this week's podcast already.
People are pissed off at me
that I told you that Brian Piccolo died in the fucking movie.
I mean, listen, I'm the type of guy.
If a movie's out five years,
and if you're a real motherfucker, you've already seen the fucking.
After five years, I'm talking about the fucking movie.
There's no spoiler alerts.
But my nephew called me up this morning.
He's like, hey, motherfucker,
why'd you tell me that fucking James Kahn died in the movie?
I wanted to watch it.
I don't know.
It's 50 fuck.
That movie came out 50 fucking years ago.
That movie came out when I was in the third grade.
at Sacred Heart School for Boys.
We watched on a Sunday night.
And who the fuck?
What was that?
1971.
Brian's song?
ABC movie of the fucking week.
71.
That means it's been out, yeah, about 50 fucking years.
80, 90, 2000, 2011, 2000.
What the fuck, people.
So it doesn't matter.
You know, that's one thing that I really fucking miss.
Like, I'm an old man, as you could tell.
I got white fucking eyebrows.
You know, once you got white fucking eyebrows, you're a fucking old man, all right?
You know, I could sit there and pick them one by one.
You don't have no fucking idea how much that hurts.
That's like being a P-O-W in Vietnam.
They just pick your fucking eyebrows at my age, especially the white ones.
Wait, do you get old, cuckers?
You try to trim your nose hairs.
Even the fucking manscape.
Manscape is tremendous, the fucking nose thing.
But I got to tell you something, when you're dealing with white hairs, it's over.
Even on my dick, my asshole, when you're trying to shave white hair,
like, there's times I'm manscaping my dicksack.
And I'm like, it's working perfect.
I almost want to hear like a fucking thing.
And it's because they hit a white hair.
Like those white hairs are fucking brutal.
But anyway, who gives a fuck about white hairs?
You know what's crazy that, out of all, like, when you get older, you know,
and I tell you people this all the time, I don't want to sound like that guy like back in my day.
Not back on anybody's day.
Because this was back.
I still remember this 15 years ago.
I said something on Monday's podcast,
and a couple people hit me,
and I felt good that I said those words.
You know, people tell me all the time,
I just didn't make this up,
that they go to the movies and they left,
and they don't even know what happened.
Like, the movie went by fucking fast, you know?
And it felt like that over COVID.
Like, it really felt like that.
The movies weren't close.
Like the sons of the many saints in Newark, they just didn't click for you.
You went to the movies, you saw a movie, you left.
Yes, it bothers the fuck out of me.
Because out of all my fucking things I talk about, drugs, cocaine, you know, eating ass,
all these fucking stupid things you do as a man.
I think the most rewarding, the favorite thing in my life.
And I'm going to tell you how much I loved it.
I think out of all the things I did,
my escape.
Because I wanted to think about this before I brought this podcast up to you guys.
You know, guys, we all have an escape.
We don't realize it while you're doing it.
But years later, you'll realize it.
For some people, it's doing drugs like myself.
You know, I'm a fucking dummy.
For some people, it's just strumming the chords on a guitar.
You know, they go in a room and put music on and just drummed the chords on a guitar.
They don't want to join a band.
They don't want to do any of that shit.
You know, when you go out and drink, let's say you work a 9 to 5 and you work all fucking week and you drink.
And after work, you guys do happy hours and shit.
That's your escape.
You know, like a couple cocktails with your friends, your girlfriend meets you.
That's your escape from the week.
You know, that's it.
You're done with work.
You don't want to hear about computers.
You don't want to hear about fucking dildos that didn't get shipped.
You just don't want to hear that shit no more.
it's time to fucking relax and tune away.
And that's great.
It's like when we go on vacation with a loved one
and when you go on vacation with your family
and you put your feet up at the beach like Snoop Dog
in that fucking Corona commercial.
You know, that's relaxation.
That's escaping.
You know, escaping what, Joey?
What are you escaping?
Yeah, reality.
My brother George, when he went to rehab,
he became a fucking, like a fucking therapist.
He's not a therapist.
But when he first went to rehab and got out in like 93,
You know, those people who were clean for like a month and a half.
And in that month and a half, they tell everybody how they should run their fucking life, you know.
I remember one day that was smoking pot.
And he came out.
He's like, hey, man, you got to stop smoking pot.
I'm like, why?
And he goes, because you're escaping reality.
And I'm like, I know.
That's what I want to do.
I hate my fucking life along like everybody else.
I'm broke.
I fucking don't have a career.
You know, this is when you escape yourself.
But way before that.
Like way before that escape happened.
My escape was the fucking movie theaters.
I, dog, and I started that escape when I was like five.
When I was like five, my godfather took me to a couple of those kids movies.
And he's like, dog, I can't do these no more.
I can't do another love bug or another fucking, the world strongest man with Jam Michael Vincent.
I can't do these no more.
If you go to movies and you have to do adult movies.
And I was like, okay, if that's what it takes.
you know and so by the time I was
five, six I was already watching
like James Bond movies all that
the Valachi papers I saw that
that's the first movie I saw on Times Square
the fucking Valachi papers
with Charles Bronson when he played a rat
I didn't I was
huh?
Yeah I wasn't too happy with that shit
72 yeah
Charles Bronson being a rat
didn't fucking sit well with Uncle Joey
but what am I gonna do
and I think it was like maybe
like you go to the movies with parents
or got parents or, you know, your friends and family member.
Like, I love the fucking movies.
I love Snoopy.
I loved all that shit.
My first girlfriend was a Chinese girl on 88th Street.
We were like six.
And her father worked for fucking Schultz.
But the guy that does Snoopy.
Yeah, bro, who the fuck you think you're dealing with?
And this girl used to take me and all her other little Chinese girlfriends and a little Puerto Rican kids.
Like 10 of us would go to movie theater when there was nobody in the movie theater.
when there was nobody in the movie theater
they would make popcorn for us
and we'd watch fucking Charlie Brown
on the upper west side
like fucking doctors
as a kid like eight fucking years old
we're already doing this shit
so I don't know
I don't know when the first time I just started
and then when I moved to Jersey guys
like when I was 11
me and my fucking
Gumbah started taking buses
from Kennedy Boulevard
38th Street all the way down
to Journal Square and they had those
one, two, three movie theaters when we were kids.
There was one like deep into General Square,
but there was one right on Kennedy Boulevard.
Guys, I saw all the Pink Panthers there.
I saw Richard Pryor live on the Sunset Strip there.
I saw a fucking Kentucky Fried movie there.
We are from another planet.
We will not harm you all this shit.
That's a great scene in the movie.
You've never seen the Kentucky Fried movie.
The Kentucky Fried movie and there was another one,
Groove Tube.
Those two were the first movies that got me fucking going about comedy.
I think they were done like by the Canadian improv group.
Like I didn't know it at the fucking time.
But when I grew old, I went to revisit one of those movies.
And it was like all those people from like, yeah, yeah, it was pretty interesting shit.
But the scene I remember the most is they're in a courtroom and the guy takes out of fucking bill dog and puts it on his head.
and he's the attorney or some
and he starts telling the guy
we are from another planet
we will not harm you with a dick on his head
me and my little fucking idiot buddies
lost it giggling like little fags
but I love that
like how Saturdays were
about the fucking movies
by the time I was nine
that was it I was going to movies
by myself and shit
I would tell my mom I'm going
and Union City we had the cinema
which was my fucking honorary
movie theater on 48th and Burying
Avenue. We had Senatoni, the Cuban theater on fucking 13th and New York Avenue down there,
not even New York Avenue. We had the Mayfair theater in West New York. That was fucking
tremendous. We had the Edgewater Theater right on the fucking water there. But my main
motherfucking movie theater was the cinema, guys. There was no reefer then. There was no alcohol.
That Union City cinema, it was like a fucking, for me going to the movies was like an event.
I mean, I made it into a fucking event for years.
And I'm going to prove it to you, motherfuckers.
I still remember going to see the longest yard original.
Rocky.
You know, fucking the exorcist.
We all would go up there on Saturdays like 10 fucking kids.
I still remember jumping up and down in the fucking longest yard, the original,
on our seats, clapping for the mean machine and on the walk home, feeling bad,
because I was a Catholic and I was cheering for fucking convicts.
Like I was like, what am I doing?
I'm cheering for fucking convicts.
You know, like that was my mindset.
Like, although, like, I still remember being in Rocky
and the fucking whole movie theater was on their feet.
Just chanting, Rocky, Rocky, and us as kids just going fucking crazy.
Like, that was my world.
When I watched those Bruce Lee movies at night here, down here sometimes,
I cry.
Like, when I watch Chinese Connection,
I cry. It's pain for the watch because I remember
like how much fun we had before
and after that movie. Anytime we went to the Union City
Cinema, we always caught the first, you know, like the first
showing, like right after fucking school. Like when a movie came
out on a Friday, we'd be there like Friday or Saturday morning. But then for the
second and third review, I would go late night
with my buddies. Like I would tell my mom, I'm going to the 10.30
fucking movie at the cinema. I was a kid. I was a kid.
And she would let me, Pino, Mike the fucking retard.
His father was a superintendent in our building, not my building, but Pino's building.
And they called him Mike the retort.
He was a sweetheart of a kid.
We'd fucking go up.
We'd walk up Bergenleine Avenue, get like, fucking ice cream and shit.
Go to the movie theater, get popcorn caused fucking havoc in there.
Then on the way home, we loved it because Pantico dello deli on 32nd and Bergenline
would leave all their fruit boxes out.
and me retarded Mike and Pino
would beat the fuck out of those boxes.
I know, Joey, why would you beat up a box?
Because you're 11 and you're a fucking idiot.
That's why.
So we beat up the boxes.
We'd kick them all into Burgerline Avenue.
And that was the end of that.
Then my mom died.
And we were still, I was more of a movie buffed than ever
because I would just disappear into movie theaters.
You know, like if I was feeling down,
I'd just go see a movie.
And the movie would be playing,
but I would just be in there.
Like it was my church for a long time a movie theater was my fucking church and once I started getting high
Like 16 and 17
By the time I was 21
I was going to the movies by myself as pathetic as that was from the ages of maybe
17 to maybe 25 I saw I don't know how many movies
I saw some were people but guys 90% of the time and
And I watched them by myself.
Why?
Because I didn't want to fucking hear nobody's bullshit.
I didn't want to hear nobody's bullshit about being tired or being cold.
Or, you know, when people move around, it bothers the fuck out of me.
Even when I did Coke, like, if I was doing Coke with Mike,
and there'd be girls here walking around, they'd tell them, sit the fuck down.
Enough with the walking around.
You're just allowed to get up to pee.
That's it.
No more walking around.
What's all this fucking walking?
So it distracts the fuck out of me, right?
When I'm watching a movie and shit.
So I just found this thing to go to the movies by myself
And I had a whole fucking
When I lived in Cliffside Park with George
In 84, 85, 83
I would just, my whole thing I would go to the fucking Chinese restaurant
The 11 o'clock seating
Like I'd be there because I wanted to go to the 1130 movie
You follow me? So I didn't want to fuck around
So I would fucking go to 11 o'clock Chinese
I get the same thing every time.
Setsuan beef, steam rice, and an egg roll.
That's my pre-movie fucking ritual.
That's how it works.
Now, you smoke a joint on the way to the Chinese restaurant,
and after you eat Chinese food, it's a fucking definite.
There's the after-dinner joint.
You understand me?
The after-the-appertif.
And you're going in there before the movie,
so it was perfect.
So we smoke a half a dube before the Chinese food,
and then when you get out of Chinese food,
You smoked the full fucking number.
And by the time you walk in the movie theater, you fucking lights out.
You understand me?
And I did that for years by myself.
I could tell you on three hands how many fucking movies I went to myself.
From American Gigolo to Rambo, Part 2, to fucking desperately seeking Susan.
All those movies.
I found my fucking, like my utopia going to a movie by myself.
and just putting the feet up.
Now, it was a different schedule
if I went to Harlem.
Now, if I went to a movie in Jersey,
I would get Chinese food,
but if I went to a movie in Harlem,
we'd stop at the Cuban joint.
You understand me?
So I'd take the bus over to 178.
I'd go to that enchanted Lily and Cliffside,
and I'd take the fucking bus,
or I'd walk over to George Washington Bridge,
get to 178 Street,
walk to Amsterdam,
get a fucking dime bag,
roll it and smoke a joint on the way.
I would go to 176th Street,
on the corner there
and I get Cuban
fucking lunch
Boliche,
white rice,
fried bananas,
black beans,
Coco Rico,
I do the whole
fucking thing.
That's a Puerto Rican
soda,
Coco Rico.
And then I walk
to 181st Street.
Oh my God,
it's fucking delicious.
I go to 181st Street
and Broadway
and there was a movie theater
that was the black movie theater.
That's if I wanted action.
Like if I wanted to really
fucking laugh,
I went to the black movie theater.
Rambo
I went to all those movies up there
if I was broke
and I just wanted to be alone
I didn't want to giggle
I would go to
there was a movie theater
about three blocks down
on the 81st street
it was like two movies
for five dollars
those type of things in the afternoon
like I'd go see American jiggolo
and Pifa Hearts with Stephen Bauer
I'd go see like fucking
you know
Death Wish 1 and Death Wish 2
all that type of shit
you know
Guys, for me, it was just like a, it's like some people like going to con and walking around with a fucking tuxedo.
Ha ha ha, ha.
What did you think of the movie?
Oh, the underlying ambition of the character.
Go fuck yourself.
I didn't, that's not me.
I just went there as a ritual.
It was my escape, looking back on it.
It was my escape from even drugs.
Like I had an escape from the escape.
Like most people get high.
They get escaped.
Uncle Joey had to take it a deep further
I had an escape from my escape
You know and I would go to those movies
And I would
Look at the characters
And I would fucking daydream
You know
Like I would go
Someday I'll be in a movie
And then I go
Come on Joey
You're never gonna be in a fucking movie
Or whatever one day
I don't know
It was just I loved the cinema
I loved everything about it
I could care less
What was going on in the world
As long as I had a movie to go watch
You know
Like I fucking loved everything about it.
Even today, like, I love smoking a fucking joint.
You know what?
Like, you can't watch any movies now.
But if I see something old is coming on,
like I still remember going to see Angel Heart and the movie theater.
Mickey Rook at the, there's the Fox Theater in Boulder,
but up the corner is a little movie theater next to the deli zone in Boulder.
That's where it used to be up on the hill before the deli zone was there.
I used to go to that movie theater all the time by myself.
I remember I went to see the Year the Dragon by myself in 1985 at the Fox Theater.
And after about 20 minutes, I walked out of that motherfucker.
I'm like, fuck Mickey Roark acting like a fucking gangster as a cop.
Fuck that punk.
And I walked out.
I went to see it a couple weeks later.
I understood where it was coming from.
But those were the movies I used to go see fucking Year the Dragon.
I still remember going to see Angel Heart up the corner from that movie theater.
getting fucking so stoned and being scared in there.
And I didn't know what the fucking movie.
The movie was great, but I'm like, what the fuck just happened?
And staying in there for the fucking neck showing.
Like the people coming up to me going, you know, you have to leave.
I'm not going anywhere.
Well, you have to pay again.
I'm not paying again because I didn't see it the first time.
I sat here.
I didn't know what the fuck was going on.
And the guys like that happens to a lot of people with this fucking movie.
I swear to God.
I thought that was my life
that was
I don't even know how to fucking describe
that's why when I started doing movies
it felt so much better
like it felt good but I couldn't explain it to anybody
I never explained it to anybody till now for the first time
why I enjoyed working on movies so much
because they were everything to me
when you're an immigrant
or at least in my situation
I think cinema
teaches you
I mean, for me, it really, you know, I was catching all those movies as a young kid.
I don't ever remember getting formal training in English.
Like, I don't remember somebody sitting me down and going, okay, we're going to start from scratch today.
Like, when I was three, four, five, I remember just going to school and knowing what everybody else knew.
And I knew that my mother, the only thing my mother requested from me was not to speak with an accent.
She felt that if I talked with an accent, I was going to get beat up.
on or goofed on.
So she's like, we're going to eliminate that fucking Spanish accent.
So I don't know.
I think I did it all with cinema taught me how to live.
As stupid as it sounds, cinema taught me how to act sometimes.
You know, it's funny, like the first time I went on a set.
Like, the first time you go on a set, I understand you're a little scared.
You don't know what's going on.
But once they say action camera, whatever the fuck, lights, action camera.
You know, I'm doing what I saw other people do throughout the years.
I wasn't doing nothing spectacular.
I'm not a great fucking actor.
I just did what other people did.
I copied them.
You know, when I was, I don't even know what good acting was.
Like, I went to all these movies, and I didn't know what good acting was until maybe I was, like, 23, and I started painting.
I listened to all these fucking street people.
Like, oh, he's a great actor.
What the fuck do you know?
Who are you?
Shakespeare?
I don't know.
When people say that shit to me, it drives me crazy.
Like regular civilians, he's such a great actor.
So I would watch these movies and go,
I don't even know if these people are talking about acting.
My point is that there was times I was on a movie set,
that there were people there, like actors,
and like the director would have to go up to him and say something,
and I would go, that motherfucker's never going to say that to me
because I already knew that.
Like, do you know what I mean?
Like, how did I learn that?
I learned that from watching fucking 8.
8,000 movies.
I mean, I am the fucking king.
You know, I was goofing on those people the other day,
but I just want to tell you,
and this is why I'm explaining myself,
because I am the king of fucking worthless information.
I'm the king.
You know, you knowing that Paul DeAnneau was the first singer
of Iron Maiden,
yeah, unless I go on Jeopardy,
and they pop that question,
you don't need that knowledge for anything else, you know.
When you, yeah, you know,
when you know, and I'm not putting anybody down.
I'm just explaining to you that, yeah.
Listen, right now, 20, 40 years ago, people would tell me,
hey, your brain's going to rot from fucking smoking pot, right?
People always said to you, you're fucking up from smoking pot.
Bitch, now I'm making money from smoking pot, right?
I got this weed company, and I'm making money from it.
So that was one of the worthless information that I gathered,
but it came to pay off 40 years later.
Who knew that we was going to be legal and we're going to be smoking?
And Tremendous comes out, July 16th.
That's the last chamber, that's the last chapter in the laughing gas fucking thing.
Well, I remember July 16th, which makes it boom, Saturday.
Stop at the ice cream shop.
It's going to be exclusive at the ice cream shop and maybe a week.
Then it gets shipped out to other fucking stores in California and anywhere else.
Do not forget laughing gas is also at Buddy's Bodega in the money.
motherfucking Bronx. I'll be going up there in a few weeks.
My friend brought me some reefer from a different fucking, uh,
she works at a dispensary in the Bronx and she brought me some 30% reefer from it.
Not bad.
Not bad.
It was fucking pricey.
She told me what she paid and I was like, wow.
But it wasn't bad.
It's not what I got.
It's not what Uncle Joey gets, but it'll fucking work.
But anyway, most, I still remember being like in basketball.
Like in basketball, I didn't want to fuck up, but I knew what I was doing.
The only thing I didn't know what they were talking about when they were on your marks,
I'm like, what am I running a race?
I didn't know what the fuck.
When they say on your marks, it's your starting position.
Like, everybody on their mark.
And yeah, you're going to walk towards Mike and shake his hand.
But for right now, you're starting right there.
When they would say on your marks, I'd be fucking walking around.
like fucking what they're saying but after they corrected me on that I was pretty good
and then the rest of the shit I just put together an acting class but when I did basketball
listen when I did basketball there was no acting training there was no nothing it was just from
what I watched on television all those years of watching TV so who knows what wasted information
who knows so nothing is really wasted when you read a book or when you read about
weed because you don't know when this is going to get popular so for all those years i read about
marijuana i smoked it i fucking learned about it i learned how to roll joints i learned how it grew
you know all this shit but i was never going to do anything with it but now people take my word
for what's good weed i like good weed i've been smoking it for 40 fucking years i'm 59 i've
been smoking weed for 45 fucking years you know i know good weed i've seen the evolution on it but
anyway who gives the fuck about the rifa there was a big part of me going in a movie theater
smoking a nice fucking joint to absorb the fucking movie.
But I can't describe how much a piece I was.
And now you go to a movie theater.
The experience sucks.
It sucks.
It really does suck.
You know, you fucking overpay.
Then you go in there and you get fucking rape for fucking sodas.
$7 for a soda.
That soda costs $0.20.
I didn't know the situation with movie theaters was how it was.
until I tried to get a movie theater to do a screening of the many saints in Newark.
And then people were telling me what, like, what the cost were.
Like, I don't think studios pay movie theaters to show their movies.
The only profit they make is at the fucking concession stands.
So, you know, it just sucks.
When I was talking to my nephew this morning,
I don't have a lot of fucking bucketless shit, you know.
But there is one thing I'd really like to do.
for me, it would be, in the words of Rudy Sajo, it would be a laborer love.
I would love to open up a movie theater.
Not big, 99 seats.
It would not be for profit.
If I broke even doing it, I would be ecstatic because I would, you know,
I guess I would have to get the format of the movie theaters and not make any money at the door.
But I'll tell you what I would do.
I fucking went to a movie theater by myself.
in 1985 in San Francisco to see the movie Mask
with Cher and another fucking dude.
Great movie.
Share fucking stole the movie.
This place blew me to fuck apart.
This movie theater was on Hate Ashbury.
I think it was 85 at the time.
I think the regular price is to go see a movie
were like seven bucks, six bucks.
I tell you, they wanted 10.
I'm going to tell you why.
first of all it sat like 90 people
you did not sit in chairs
you sat on couches
which I thought was brilliant
they had three man couches
and two man couches throughout the whole thing
with a little table up front
you could put your feet on
and on the side they had a little table
where you could put your sodas
and your fucking popcorns
let me tell you what these motherfuckers had
when you walked in
I'll never forget this
it made such an impression on me that this is
always been one of my dreams. I just didn't know
where the fuck to start it. Hopefully if
one of you people know, we get together
and do this. This is a bunch of abandoned little movie
theaters. A bunch of them.
A bunch of them. Drivens,
there's tons of fucking
drive-ins. There's abandoned.
It would be, now, if you go to a driving,
have anybody seen the new state-of-the-art
driving? I just saw, like,
one that's opening in fucking
Michigan or some shit.
Fucking gorgeous.
Gorgeous, you know. You don't even put the, it
connects to your phone now, the Bluetooth, the movie TV,
you have to put a box on your fucking window.
Anyway, this is my fucking dream.
So I went into this movie theater,
and I'll never forget that I saw the chick.
As I walked in, I saw the chick.
She had those butter, four packs of butter.
As I walked in, I got on the line.
There was maybe three people on the line, you know.
And she unpacked one of the sticks of butter
and put them on the fucking thing,
this little melter
and she was putting popcorn through there
was real fucking butter
oh my God
and then she put salt on it for you
like she took half
like the real way you used to
you ever go to move it to the now
the guy just fills it up
and then you have to fill it in
with that fucking artificial
diabetic butter
that tastes like shit
and your hands get all greasy
and shit fuck that
this lady fucking put half in
she put salt and pepper in
a little bit of butter
and then she put more popcorn
then she put the butter
and then more popcorn.
It was done fucking correctly.
The other chick next to her
was making fresh chocolate chip cookies.
Not the fucking thing with the knife
where you put it and it blows up into a Hershey cookie.
No, this bitch had the batter.
And you went up there and said,
how many cookies you want?
You tell her 12.
And she'd make either little ones
or three big ones or something
for two bucks or something.
She put them in the oven
and then you waited 10 minutes or whatever the fuck.
They had neat stuff in there.
They had like, you know, at San Francisco, so there's always got to be a veggie dish.
You know, like there was something, like sprouts or something like that.
It wasn't, there was no hot dogs.
There was nothing like that.
It was just popcorn.
I think they had ice cream.
They had real sodas in a can and shit like that.
They sold beer.
You know, they had a liquor license or maybe they didn't have a liquor license.
It didn't matter.
They made, like, they had those little piniacaladas that you could drink in there and little more.
Guys, it was one of the most enjoy.
didn't drink. I just went up there, put my feet up, and I watched fucking mask eating popcorn,
and I must have devour a ton of those chocolate chip cookies, and they gave you milk.
It was milk and cookies to watch. That's what you wanted a fucking movie theater.
I don't want a fucking hot dog at a movie theater. It was this the Yankee game? I want to sit back.
You know, when you're home, do you go to a movie theater? When you're home watching a movie,
do you eat a fucking hot dog, then why the fuck would you watch it in a movie theater? Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
When you're home, what would you like to fucking watch a movie theater? You understand what I'm saying to you? When you're home, what would you like to
fucking watch a movie with nice piece of fucking pound cake a nice apple pie a la mode with hoggernaz
vanilla ice cream on that dutch apple you know what I'm saying I have a smoking room in the back
for discussions and chats we can have a thing up front for Q&As maybe sit 90 people and just open up
Friday and Saturday for special events and maybe during the week for a matinee that would that would
make my that would make my dick so hard guys
Guys, I'm the type of guy
If I like a movie, I'll watch the movie
three or four times.
That's on a minimum.
I'll watch a movie three, four times,
and that's just on a fucking minimum, okay?
So for you people that are watching this,
that's what they took away from us over the years.
I mean, a lot of things have changed.
But for me, that's what I wanted to talk about the other day.
Listen, movies are okay.
I didn't want to insult nobody
or insult anybody's film work or anything like that.
But, you know, when you went to,
to see the Pope of Greenwich Village.
You left there and you, at least you gave me three lines from that.
We need a fancy suit for.
You got no job to wear it there.
You know, oh, go home and get your fucking shine box, you know?
That's a memorable fucking line.
You know what I'm saying?
Like all these movies gave you, you know, uh, what's the movie with the fucking bowling
and all that shit with the guy had Woody Harrelson and all those guys.
And the dude.
Think of that movie.
I'm not trying to put anything down.
I'm just throwing your favorite movies on you, okay?
The Godfather.
Hangover.
You know, there's been so many great movies.
Now, the last five years,
which one of those movies can you hit me with?
This fucking scumbag.
Whoa, Avatar.
Yeah, but listen, guy, you're blowing $500 million on that.
You know, that better be fucking good.
That better be a fucking good movie
because you're blowing.
$500 million fucking dollars on that.
So before you walk around with your egro, James Cameron,
all these movies, you spent $500 million in four fucking years.
Okay?
So, and the last avatar, I don't even remember it.
I don't even know what the fucking line from the movie was.
So do you understand what I'm talking to you?
The Godfather, leave the gun, take the canoles.
There's lines.
You know, there's lines.
None of these movies.
And listen, man, I was inspired.
The Man, too, and I had a great time.
It was great working with Sam Ramey.
I really enjoyed it.
But I was always mad at myself for doing that movie.
I needed the money.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, the money at that point was necessary.
But I was always mad about doing that movie.
Even though I had a great time.
The movie was a great experience.
We got some jokes.
If you ain't hide by 2 o'clock, go fuck your mother.
You know, all that shit came from that movie.
But it was the beginning of these movies they're making now.
I don't even know.
what the fuck they're doing.
You know, I, I, I,
dad watched that commercial for Thor.
You know, it looks fucking,
like they didn't shoot a scene.
Everything is CGI or whatever the fuck that is.
I don't want to watch one of those fucking,
once I see CGI,
really, you like it?
I love that kind of shit.
I can't.
I still fucking see it.
I'm like, God damn it.
It comes with different stories.
Yeah.
I'm not,
look at guys,
podcast or stand-up or movies.
I like my shit to be serious.
I want to get something out of this fucking movie.
I want to get the,
I want to get the messes that the writers
trying to get across. I don't care about the characters
and the growth of the characters or the arc.
That doesn't matter to me.
That doesn't matter to me, guys.
I could lie to you and tell you,
oh, the arc of the guy. That, that's never
mattered to me. You know, that's bullshit.
That's chit, chit, shit. You know, people
trying to be fucking smarter than what the fuck they
But I like to get what the director or the writer was trying to get out of this fucking movie.
What's the message?
You know, and then we go back to somebody like James Kahn.
You know, in 1979, my mom passed, and by 1980, I was doing things I wasn't too proud of, you know.
And one of those things was robbing drug dealers or trying to fucking be a thief.
I don't know why.
I don't know where it came from.
And one night I was home and I watched the movie.
thief.
I watched it.
The first time
thief came out
was in
1979,
1980,
and it won
the Cannes Film Festival.
And I still
remember the
commercial for it,
but I was
going through so much
with my mother's
death and whatnot
that I never got to
see it.
Fast forward to
fucking 1981
HBO had
the raging
bull,
thief,
and fucking
Hollywood Knights on.
This is when
HBO didn't have
10 million movies.
HBO maybe had, you know, 20 movies.
They'd run 10 of them Monday night, 10 of them Tuesday night,
and Wednesday night they'd run 10 more.
I don't know if that's what they did,
but I could call my brother Mike,
and we watched The Raging Bull and Fucking Thief every night
for probably three months.
We would walk the pathmark,
shoplift ice cream to make protein shakes and fucking co-cuts,
and we'd be home by one,
and we'd watch the Thief, Hollywood Nights,
and fucking uh and the real thing about Hollywood nights was you ready for this you know who's
in Hollywood nights Mike Binder who is the director of the comedy store documentary
Mike Binder first time I saw Mike Binder was in Hollywood Nights and I realized that they had a
couple comics on that and years later I watched it again and half the comedy store is in that
fucking movie except for Fran Dreschler Fran Dresla's in that I think it's Michelle Pfeiffer no no
Yeah, yeah, Michelle Fife is in Hollywood Nights with Tony, motherfucking dancer, Jack.
Guys, I'm a movie buff.
I'm trying to tell you this shit.
You know, the idea was at a party and somebody was talking about the pilot that spread the AIDS.
And all of a sudden I go, the band moves on or whatever the fucking name of that movie was.
If you've never seen that movie on HBO.
As a matter of fact, guys, I've been doing the album of the week on Patreon.
I don't know if I'm going to switch it.
I think I'm going to give them a different surprise every week.
I think I'm going to go from the movie of the week to the album of the week
because I can't get albums fast enough anymore.
You know, all the, I just found a new fucking metal place.
Keyport.
How far is Keyport, New Jersey from me?
They got a metal something.
I got to call Jimmy Florentine later.
I just saw it on Facebook like last week that they're having a sale.
So maybe I could go down there.
Maybe I'll take a ride down to Barnes & Noble
and try to pick up a fucking great album
that they have down there
and Freehold, but my album
my albums
have slowed down.
Bob Linguish, thank God.
Bob just sent me a great fucking album
that I put on
it's a quiet riot of fucking album.
I don't know where he got it from Bob,
but Bob always comes through.
I got to call him up and thank him for that one.
But yeah, man,
although that cinema was a big part of my life.
And now that I don't have it,
I've tried to do it.
Like, I've tried to go on more.
movie theaters and go down a freehold and it's a fucking you know 12 peer theater and people walk it's
not the same guys i'm talking about a movie theater an old-fashioned one movie movie theater that's it
i know there's still one in fair view fair view cinema had one of the best ones i ever went to
why because they had a midnight showing they had midnight movies the first saturday and friday of
the month tremendous that's had that's had that
too that's what I want to do and guys listen it sucked because it was the same 10 movies
that they played at midnight it was the song remains the same pink Floyd live from
pompey neely uh crosbie stills nash and young had a concert movie you're yeah yeah that's a
we fucking guys the midnight movies were a blast plus the midnight movie we went to had two movie theaters
They had the Rocky Horror Picture Show
And they had whatever you were playing
Like throughout the week
That's the same movie theater
I went to see Apocalypse Now at
That's the same movie theater
I went to see
I went to see a couple things
At the Fairview Cinema
The fucking one night I went to the fair
Like this is what I'm talking about
Like a bunch of us got together
And went to the Fairview Cinema to watch
I don't know
Fucking the Crosby's
Oh Neil Young had
Neil Young and Crazy Horse had a movie
Who else had a concert film
Guys there must have been 10 bands that had them
Like five that you didn't want to
You know the Beatles had the yellow submarine
And help they played those two
Or a fucking help they played at midnight
They played all those type of films
But I still remember being out there
And it was a gigantic fucking line
And we're all the way in the fucking back
But the other reason I liked about the fifth
view cinema, the double feature was that 50 yards away there was a Carvel.
So we would go up there, go to Carvel and then walk the fucking guys, I'm telling you, there's
always a Carvel.
And we would walk back to the Fairview Cinema.
One day, we're on line and we're all the way in the fucking back.
And we had this crazy kid with me, John Crowley.
And I'm like, how the fuck are we going to cut in the line?
I'm like, John, you got to do something to get us in the line.
And John looked up, and right when you walked in, there was an ice cream comb that somebody
was eating.
but they got into the movie theater
so they threw the ice cream cone on the floor
and there was ants on the ice cream
but the cone was still intact
and it was just melted.
This motherfucker picked it up with the ants
and started eating ice cream
and everybody was like, oh,
so we cut right in that line
while they're moving back
we cut right in the fucking line
and got back there.
I mean this is what we did
as kids and I'll never forget
being in the movie theater
with like 20 guerrillas
and people were just yelling and scream
and before the moment.
movie starts, you know, like, before they even put the upcoming events, and all of a sudden,
somebody goes, Crowley, get up there and talk to these people.
And John walked up to the front of the movie theater, and he just fucking unloaded a bunch of jokes,
and people were booing at him.
Like, boo, boo, we're fucking howling in the back.
And finally, some guy goes, shut the fuck up, let him talk.
That's the guy that ate the ice cream outside with the ants on it.
And they were like, okay, let them talk and shit.
Another time I went in there
My friend was high as fuck
He didn't like longhead people
And he walked into the Rocky Horror picture show
By mistake
And we're sitting outside
And all of a sudden I hear fuck you
I'll knock his all out
And he's fucking fighting like three of the people
In costume and shit
You can't write that stuff guys
You gotta live it
You know what I'm saying
That's the same night
We're watching the song remains the same
And he came into the movie theater
I had a buddy Lebrano that stuttered
He stuttered all the time
And fucking we're watching
We're watching Robert Plannies
like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You know, he always does that.
And my friend would go,
Lebrano, and the movie theater and yell.
After, like, the third Lebrano, people like,
shut the fuck up with Lebrano,
because he kept saying Lebrano,
because Robert Plant Stutters.
So this was, who the fuck has these stories
in the movie theater?
You know what I'm saying?
Like, we used to go to peep shows
and then go to a movie theater.
Like, we were like in the eighth grade,
me and my buddies would go to peep shows
in 42nd Street, then the movie theater.
And then go back to the peep shows,
peep show, then the way home stop on 42nd Street and buy an ID.
A fake ID.
Can you deal with that one?
Fuck no.
That's how we were living back here, motherfuckers.
So, yeah, that was a long fucking time ago.
But that's why I'm so emotional about theater and the movies.
The fucking movies that come out with suck, including mine.
How's that one for you?
When somebody tells you their movies suck, at least they're honest with you.
Like, I don't want to do a movie anymore because I'm sick and
of being in bad fucking movies.
I love Spider-Man, too,
because I can walk around my fucking head up.
Like, yeah, it did $60 million.
You know what I'm saying?
The longest yard, did $60 million.
Then everything else I've been in has been a fucking bomb.
I'm heartbroken.
I'm fucking heartbroken.
Even the Kevin Hart's to own movie made $20 million
$20 million Christmas Day.
I was like, what?
I don't even think I get residuals on that movie anymore.
People just stop watching it.
They've got Kevin fucking Hart in it.
Kevin fucking Hart, De Niro,
fucking Stallone
and the movie
I get like $7 a month
from fucking residuals
nobody watches that movie
so I'm done
I'm fucking done
every movie sucks
they just
I don't know
I don't know what happened
to the writing and films
I mean
I think the last
really good movie to come out
for my taste
was man on fire
equalizer was okay
equalizer too
okay
everything else I've seen
has been
Acceptable?
Not really.
You know what I'm saying?
But the last good movie I saw was 2004.
I think Man on Fire came out January of 2004.
And it made like $30 million at the movie theater.
And then it went away.
It disappeared.
Did it not January of 2004?
I did not see that movie in the movie.
in the movie theater.
I'd love to tell you I knew about it.
But just to let you know
how fucking much
I loved movies
and how much
I enjoyed my process
when I got locked up
the same fucking librarian
that told me to get into comedy
that he would stab me
or shoot me
gave me a book like my second month there.
When I got to prison
I was reading a lot.
I read like fucking
And Kujo.
I fucking love Kudjo.
You know, that's a great Stephen King book.
I read the biography of the fucking guy from Texas that,
the president, the guy that ran for president.
No, no, the guy that ran for president.
And he fucking lost, but he's a billionaire.
He's fucking Ross Perrault.
I love fucking Ross Perot.
And I just read a couple books.
And I asked him one day.
You got a book for me to read?
He goes, yeah, I'm going to give you this book called Wise Guy.
And I'll never forget Wise Guy.
And I fucking read the book.
And it was about Henry Hill.
Henry Hill and Pauley and Henry, uh, Paulie's son and all this shit.
So I'm pretty fucking excited.
It's a pretty goddamn good book.
And then he turned me on and then he goes, hey man, tonight on 2020, they're going to interview Henry Hill or somebody from that book, you know.
And I remember going to his room.
me him, Torre Piles, a bunch of us.
And we watched the fucking Henry Hill interview about him going into restaurants and shaking
them down, how they did it and stuff like that.
You know, remember Goodfellas and they go in and they shake the restaurant down, you know,
how they would go to a, you go to a club, a bunch of nights.
Like you go to a restaurant every night for about two months.
You pay cash.
You pay cash, cash, cash, cash, buy him a drink, buy him a drink, buy him a drink.
And after about two months one day, you call him, come here for a second.
I left my wallet at home.
Do you mind if I eat here tonight?
Mike's like, sure, you spend fucking $2,000 here a night.
Go ahead, go ahead, put it on me.
I'll give you a tab, sign it, and you got a tab.
And what they would do is they run up the tabs.
And then they wait for you to come to them and go,
hey, Mike, you owe me $20,000 on the tab.
Then you're like, you fucking cock sucker.
After all I do for you in this fucking restaurant,
you're going to embarrass me for $20,000.
and I go to swing at you, but one of the guys holds me back.
It's all set up.
And the next day, somebody slips the guy a card and says, Mike, if you want to squash this deal
with Joey, call this guy, and you call that guy, and the guy will say, come down.
They'll go, listen, what we'll do is this.
We'll pay the $20,000, but why don't you make us a partner, and this shit won't happen?
And then they'll put rival crews to go in there and do the same thing.
So you want this to stop.
You want it to stop?
Listen, make me a partner.
you'll get your deliveries on time
the garbage will get picked up on time
you know and nobody will do this to you
and then that's where the good fellas
they bust out a joint and they take it out
so he told that story on there
somebody else
and I'll never forget
I don't even know
I'd like to tell you that I read it
I don't even know I found out
in a fucking obscure way
that
goodfellus was wise guy
I'll never
forget that. It was like three weeks out.
Guys, I've always been
pretty excited for upcoming movies
when I know about the movie. Like,
the last 20 years, no. But
when I was younger, like, I knew about
48 hours. I still remember going to
see 40 hours with my buddies
and fucking, it was the coldest night ever
in New Jersey. We went to see it
at Edgewater while we were sitting in the car, smoking
pot, the rats were under the car,
scratching out of this and shit.
You have no fucking idea. But
Good fellas, like I really,
wanted to see it and i was not going to see it on a friday night when goodfellas got released i was
in the halfway house i was in the bc tc in bc and boulder and i was like you know you can't smoke
pot when you're in a halfway house so i was like how am i going to do my fucking my system
because i remember when i was in the halfway house my escape was my escape has always been the
movies i still remember going to see turner in hooch by myself with tom hanks i tell you what movies
i went to see i'm not embarrassed about it but i'm sorry about it's i'm sorry
I like all different types of movies.
I remember going to see Batman by myself with Jack Nicholson and all those movies.
I used to go to all that when I was in the halfway house and that was great.
Jurassic Park, but when Goodfellers came out, I didn't give a fuck whether I peed in the bottle.
I didn't give a fuck when I was in jail.
I was doing my system.
I'll never forget when Goodfellas fucking came out, I was in the halfway house and you weren't allowed to drive.
unless you get to like level four
and then you're allowed to level four is when you could take furloughs
stay out till midnight and you could drive
I was like level three
so I was not allowed to drive and I'll never forget
I go I'm going to see good fellas so what I did was I got
I told them I worked at a
at a detailing shop and I did
I worked to my buddy but they couldn't call the shop
I was always on the pager
so they would never know where I was
and then I worked driving cars
so they could never really
arrest me or press charges on me
for driving a car
so I'll never forget I'm fucking
I'm counting the minutes to this fucking good fellas right
it's uh
maybe 1990 it came out
1990 I'm counting the fucking minutes
what was it?
It premiered in September
yeah
That makes sense.
I'm 90.
Yeah, it makes sense.
That was close to my separation.
So, like, I was miserable.
I was fucking miserable in September 1990.
It was an halfway house.
I think I was married.
Yeah, I was married.
I was not fucking happy.
I'm like, I'll find a little refuge by going to see Goodfellas.
So I went, I got some reefer, and I'm driving to the fucking movie theater,
and who pulls up next to me, but my counselor.
and she's next to me at the light smoking a cigarette
and I'm right next to her going
holy fuck please don't look over at me
and I couldn't move the car back or forward
because then she'd really look
I'd get her attention
so I was like fuck this
I just sat there and the light turned green
and she didn't see me I was like
I fucking went there
and that's when you what I was doing in those days
was I was almost level four anyway
so what I was doing those days
This was I would roll a joint.
I would roll a regular joint, not a big joint, not a little joint.
I just wrote a regular joint and I had a gym.
I had a gym.
I paid 35 bucks for it was a garage.
I had a punching bag, weights, a radio, and I would leave that joint in a gym
because nobody knew I had that gym.
Only my wife knew I had that gym.
Nobody knew I had that fucking gym.
So I would go there.
I would leave a joint and all my reefer and cocaine and everything I would leave there
when I was in the halfway house.
I had a scale in there.
I had everything in there.
But I would go in there and I'd roll a tiny joint
and this is what I would do.
And I'd turn it up and that was it.
That was the extent of my smoke
and that joint would last me two fucking months.
But I would get so high on those two fucking hits.
I would get so high because that's all the body.
I trained my body just to live off hits.
One hit.
And I would get stoned.
I would go for my Chinese food.
Then I'd take two more hits to follow the fucking,
program and I went to see fucking goodfellas.
I didn't give a fuck if they were going to throw me in jail.
I didn't give a fuck about the blood test, the piss test.
They never pissed test me.
They never did anything.
So here I am.
So obviously I beat it.
But if there's one thing in this life right now that I fucking truly missed and there's one
thing I really enjoyed growing up and I still do.
And you know, people tell you, oh, it's great.
I could watch a movie at home.
I'll tell you what, it's not bad watching a movie at home.
It's not bad, but it's not a fucking movie theater.
It's not a movie theater, guys.
It just sucks.
That's why I called it the cinematic experience.
It's not just going to the movies.
Yes, there's some people who go to the movies.
I was never one of them.
For me, it was an experience.
For me, it was two or three hours.
Like, I could go to a matinee and go,
like Mike would call and go,
what time do you want to meet today for?
Mike, I'm going to a fucking 1130 movie.
If Rambo 2 is good,
I'm going to stay in there and watch it again.
I would just get up and go to the other side of the feet.
I could just get up, go to the bathroom,
make a call on the pay phone, make believe,
and the guy would go for something
and I'd sneak right back into the fucking theater.
I did not care.
That was my life.
I was such, and I miss it.
I fucking miss that so fucking much.
Well, I miss, I'll tell you what else happened.
Doing movies and working on movies,
movies and being in an industry, it's like looking behind the curtain.
And you're like, well, like the other than I was watching Spider-Man 2 with my daughter,
and he's on the fucking train with the thing.
I still remember them shooting that.
I still remember them shooting it, and there was nothing what you guys think.
He was on a train, right?
They had ropes around his arm, like Jesus Christ, to fucking give, like the web effect
just so he wouldn't fall off the train.
I don't know how they were doing it.
they gave him movement in his arms
and he was on a train
the train was standing still
the train was standing still
I didn't see the CGI going past
they don't show that in the studio
all they showed was
the camera on him
and right there where Mike is
where the camera's right there
there's the biggest fucking fan
you ever seen your life and I'm not talking about
a fan this big I'm talking about
the size of his room guys
it's you know it's probably
I don't know, 10 feet in fucking diameter
from one point to the other.
Diameter is the circumference of it.
I mean, just in...
It's a big fucking fan.
And they would have that fan
maybe 20 yards away from him
and that fan would just be
fucking blown on him and he would have to...
They put something in his eyes, which you don't see.
Yeah, they did a bunch of shit.
I watched those scenes getting...
I love all... Guys, it's my fucking world.
The only reason why I didn't become a director
or a fucking movie maker was
because to be a director, guys,
you got to fucking put your time in.
You got to put your fucking time in.
You know, we live in L.A.
We live in a time now
where everybody wants to be a director
because everybody has a fucking camera.
But nobody knows how to fucking direct movies no more at all.
Not really good directors.
You see the finished product.
First of all, the product doesn't end
with the director no more.
It ends up the studio.
The director shoots it and they pick the fucking thing
and they put it in.
The director,
I like particular directors
and I like particular
guys I'm such a movie buff
like Rick Ramos I gotta have Rick Ramos
back on here. Rick's in Arizona
I haven't spoken to him
in like fucking three months
he's living with his mom
he's got a job but he's still doing
the podcast and stuff but even
Rick and I would talk for hours
about movies and experiences
and movie theaters I tell you why I went to a movie theater
once I was kick ass
fucking Toronto
Toronto
Toronto had a kick-ass movie experience, guys, in 1997.
I can't imagine what they're doing now.
They had an experience where they had waiters, waitresses, your feet went up,
a little table next to you.
They went one more than all these GNC.
What's the name of the movie theater?
AMC, like AMC, they all have the seats, and that's great.
They had the recliner with the table next to you.
Fucking wait, you could press a button, and a waitress came to you for me.
matinee movies and shit.
I love all that shit.
So that is my fucking bucket list.
I'm happy I fucking set it out loud today.
I'm getting old.
I don't want to do half the shit I was doing.
I'll tell you what happened today.
I'll tell you what happened Monday morning.
So over the weekend, I booked a couple more dates.
I booked the 7th and 8th at Uncle Vinnie's
because the residency starts on the 17th
and I want to be ready to rock.
So I was trying to book a couple of rooms around the area
Like I'm going to do it.
Tripoli's coming, I think.
Is it this weekend?
Next weekend, Sam Tripl will be at the fucking, a dojo of comedy.
I'll come up there one night and do a guest set with him.
In fact, I'll call him today and try to book a Wednesday there.
I try to book a...
Is he?
Yeah.
So it's this Friday, right?
Yeah, so this Friday and Saturday or just Friday?
Okay.
Yeah, so Friday and Saturday, Sam Triplies at the Dojo.
comedy both nights Friday and Saturday.
So I probably go out there and see him Saturday
and fuck around with him a little say hello.
But I called the comedy club.
I had my, you know, I called the guy and I'm like,
hey man, I want to work your club.
And he goes, what date? And I go July 21st.
You know, it's a Thursday night.
I'm at Uncle Vinny's on the 20th.
So I want to do one week where I do two nights.
I don't want to do Friday and Saturday, though.
I got too many things going on in the weekends.
So, uh,
the guy goes
I'll call you back
I'm having lunch I go okay
and he called back
like three hours late
and I was busy doing something
I went to the fucking
Marlboro
4th of July thing
on Sunday
yeah yeah that's what I was doing
I went to the 4th of July
they had like a 10th they had it
because everybody's away for the 4th of July
they did fireworks and the band
and they had ice creams and shit
so he called me when I was there
so I didn't want to fucking the music
was on. I couldn't hear over the music.
So
Monday morning, Tuesday morning, I wake up
and I got a message from my agent. He goes, yeah,
he agreed to do the thing, but
he agreed to this, this, and this, but he
wants you to pay $500
for fucking advertising. And I'm like,
no. That's what they do
to you. These, not the comedy clubs as much, but theaters always
have like, you know, for a
What are the fucking expenses?
Give me the expenses.
Let me know what the expenses are.
Maybe I can get them cheaper.
You know what I'm saying?
When you ask them what the expenses are,
they start fucking dwindling.
So I said, listen, I'm not giving you a $500 for expense.
It's a one-night show.
This is what I'm doing.
This is what I'm taking.
I'm charging $25 tickets.
I'm not raping anybody.
I'm not, you know, that's not my fucking whatever.
So, yeah, he wanted $500 for me to do the show.
I'm like, see you later.
I can just keep going Uncle Vinny's or the dojo of comedy or whatever the fuck I want.
I don't need to go to your fucking room for $500 fucking dollars.
So like I said to you guys, you know, and I had to call the guy and go, listen, forget my agent.
I'm going to tell you how it is.
Last time I worked your room, you had fucking people standing there.
Those people paid and you didn't pay me from what they paid.
I let that go.
But if I go there again and I see a person standing up or anything, I'm just walking off the fucking stage.
Like, I don't need to do this.
I don't need to do stand-up right now.
I'm doing it just as a hobby for me.
But once they start fucking around me again, I will not.
Like these people, I told my age, and I go, cancel a gig, cancel a deal, withdraw the offer.
Really?
Come on.
Sorry.
Now you know your fucking job next time too.
Now you know what needs to be done.
Because I told you, motherfucker, I'm not fucking around with these people no more.
I didn't listen up for 10 years.
It's my game now, or we're not.
fucking do with it. You know, when you're a chief of police or when you're doing, when you're on
the job for 20 fucking years or something like that, you get to pick your fucking schedule.
Get to pick your schedule. Now it's my time to pick my fucking schedule. I don't want to
waste my time on Friday and fucking Saturdays. I got shit going on. I'll come on a Wednesday or
Thursday, but it's an isolated night and I don't want to hear none of your bullshit thievery shit.
Like that, that shit does not work for me.
Yeah. Yeah, I promote my own dates. What, 500 fucking dollars?
So now you see what the fuck I deal with.
Anyway, I love you motherfuckers with all my heart.
Sorry about not having a guest today.
You guys don't want one anyway.
I love fucking cinema.
Old school, just going to a movie theater by myself.
I don't want to know about arcs and shit like that.
I just want to have a good time and be entertained, guys.
That's it.
I love you motherfuckers with all my heart.
Thank you for watching.
Remember, we got the 20th of July and uncles, August 3rd, and August 10th.
I don't fucking know.
Go to Uncle Vinny.
com and take a look and then we got uh that's it i wish i had more to fucking tell you
motherfuckers do not forget july 16th motherfucking tremendous on the gaffing laughing gas label
and that's it and that's that i love you motherfuckers with all my heart have a great week
and i'll see you cocksuckers monday morning tip top magoo i'm gonna have a tremendous jujitsu
guy on next week to talk about the commitment of the
being a world champion. I love you. Stay black. All right. We talked about cinema. Now you know
what fucking the movies were like to experience. But that's it. The joint is brought to you by
Factor. Listen, you want to relax in the summer. You don't want to be cooking and cutting shit and
washing dishes. Factor has tons of balance and delicious meals and add-on, smoothies,
shakes, snacks, and anything in between. Factor makes it easy to eat well for breakfast, lunch,
dinner. They're fresh, never frozen meals that are delicious and nutritious. New gourmet plus
meals make it eating at home feel extra special. For an additional cost, these meals are prepared
to perfection by Factor's chef and ready-eaten record time. Don't spend your afterwork hours
in a gross re-store waiting online. You got to bring your own bag. Forget that. Go to Factor75.com.
Again, use code Joey 120 to receive $120.
$120 in discounts.
Listen, they offer vegan, veggie meals, keto meals,
calorie smart options, cold press juices,
smoothies, energy bites, you name it.
They got a factor 75.com slash Joey 120 to save you $120.
The joint is also brought to you by Liquid IV.
Listen, when it comes to dehydration,
These motherfuckers are tremendous.
One stick of liquid IV in 16 ounces of water.
Hydrates you two-time faster than water alone.
Concord grape, pinia collada, tropical punch.
The fucking cherry is out of this mind.
I love them.
You can use these first things in the morning before a workout.
You feel run down when you wake up after a long night.
You're out there eating ass and fucking drinking.
This is the way to go.
The single-serve packaging helps you stay hydrated.
while on the go or on the road.
I love liquid IV.
It contains five vitamins B3,
5, 6, 12, and vitamin C,
and it contains three times the electrolytes
of those shitty sports drinks.
Liquid IV is made with premium ingredients
and free of gluten,
dairy, and soy.
So grab your liquid IV in bulk
at Costco, but guess what?
If you go through the website with Uncle Joey,
I'm going to save you 25%
at Liquidiv.com
That's 25% at Liquid IV.com.
25% off anything you order to help you stay hydrated today
by using Joey at Liquidiv.com.
Again, that's Liquidiv.com.
Use code Joey.
And the joint is also brought to you by CBD Line
when it comes to CBD.
Why would I hang out with a company this long
if they weren't superior to all the other fucking maggots out there?
Go to CBD Lion.
Read the third party lab results.
and see why they're number one Uncle Joey's
motherfucking world.
And with that, I want to thank Liquid Ivy,
Factor, and CBD line,
but most importantly,
I want to thank you fucking savages.
Have a great weekend.
Stay black, and Uncle Joey loves you.
