The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #181 - Joey Diaz, Eddie Bravo and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: May 28, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk on the phone with Jiu Jitsu Master Eddie Bravo about his upcoming tournament EBI.  This podcast is brought to you by: Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 05/28/2014.

This show is sponsored by Dollar Shave Club. Get high-quality resistance to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to Dollar ShaveClub.com slash church. That's Dollar Shave Club.com slash church. Or just go to Joey Diaz.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. This show is also brought to you by Nature Box, where you can order great tasting, healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats,

like Santa Fe Corn St.Fa Corn St. Corn St. Crohn's Tos. support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com promo code Joey. And congratulations to NailedItLife.com, welcoming a new member to the family. Also, for the premier vapor pen on the market. Mention Joey Diaz and get 20% off. I want to hit talk, sucker.

Absolutely. Oh shit. It's that day. It's that motherfucking day. You're saying what, Joey, what day? May 28, Cops off the day the devil was buried at sea, fucked in the ass. They plucked his fucking horns, and they put one up his asshole.

It's over. Wake up, bitches. Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? El Diablo was going down. We're back. You ready for some of this shit, Lee? Absolutely.

You know what's in here? What, death? Fucking dead. All right, get that motherfucker. What's happening? The church of what's Happen now, Wednesday, May 28, we ain't got time for fucking fucking around today because it's that type

of day, it's Wednesday, you know what I'm saying? People like Joey, it's Wednesday, so who gives a fuck? It's Wednesday. Monday, you were thinking about hot dogs. Yesterday, you were still fucking half-retarded from the hot dog juice. Today you're back. You have a three-day fucking week. Pick yourself up, get it together. I know you're feeling blue. I don't feel like, get the

fuck up. Who gives a fuck what you feel? Life ain't waiting for fucking nobody, cocksuckers. what's up my little brother nothing you can every time I see you more of those things you're gonna I got fucking tubes from everywhere I can't just throw them away you gotta

this one's no good cocksuffer I gotta get a new fucking batch what's up with you nothing I feel great I'm always excited for tonight you're always excited for tonight but it's just I've been running

I don't know what it is usually when I look for an apartment I get the first one I want I keep getting cock block now so it's been kind of a frustrating month, but what are you going to do? What are you going to do? You got a pad, you're not hitting the car no more. You're back.

I never hit it, but it just... Somebody fucking hit it, Coxucker. Somebody hit the fucking car. You should see it. This dude, it's an extra Audi. He's letting his girlfriend drive it, and she's just not telling him or something, so they thought they could get one over on the Jew, but the Jew don't fuck around. Cog sucker.

So, what are you going to do? How about I hate in the head with this vapor tube, Gats. You're going to do that anyways. Fucking smoke this. If people listen. to our conversations. Half of it is, don't let me come over there and kick you in the shit 18 times with the steel-toed boot.

Don't let me over there, hit you in the head with the e-cigrant and you wear the dog shit on your head. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Get up. May 28th. Memorial Day week. Beginning of the summer is really June 21st, but fuck it, that's what they say. Thank you very much for listening

to Sunday night special. Keep hitting that motherfucker Lee. It's Wednesday, Cucksucker. You got to shake El Diablo. The Saratianna. a podcast we thought it was something different we always like doing something different don't have to be jumping up and down I wanted to get a little women's love in the office a little woman's perspective

I want to thank her for coming on I also want to congratulate Nailed it life David Alonzo and Pete I love you guys up there you guys do a great job with the vapor pen and Los Goumi's and Mono for welcoming a new family member a new fucking Cuban that's what we need the world needs another fucking

Cuban you know what I'm saying the world needs another Cuban like the other fucking Julie you follow on me we don't need no more fucking Jews and no more fucking Cubans. We got to trim the herd on the Jews we got and rebuilt. No. We got to rebuild again. We got to trim the herd. There's a lot of worthless motherfuckers walking around

with sandals. Looking around, let's go home and let's go home and play ping pong. I got to stay. We got to get the Jews back to the day one. What do you want Jews doing all day? Out there, suing people, looking for holes, making opportunities, fucking, you know. Torture people. Tell them people they

can't bring black people to games. Jews forget who the fuck they are with this new, like everybody else in this society. Forget who the fuck they are. We just try to get him on the show. They want to be who? A mean Jew? Yeah. No, no, no, when it with Sterling, we should get Sterling on the show. Fuck that old man. He's probably pissed. I love to get Sterling on the show.

Listen to him back pedal. He loves black people. No, no, what you would do is you would just start like saying, like agreeing with him and get him going. Like, give him like two of these and just get him going about black people. They just tell him I hate fucking black people. They got dry feet. You know, the whole fucking thing. You know, just getting Hindus too. Fucking everybody.

Lee, motherfucking Syatt. What's happening, brother? You walked yesterday? Yeah. No, I'm trying, and it's just... I'm trying to decide, or... I honestly don't know what I'm waiting for. You ever...

When you started losing weight, did you ever have that moment where, like... I'm trying to... Part of me, like, maybe I should get a bike, maybe I should join the gym. And I just, I don't... I should just do it and break down, but it's just... What do you like, Lee? Biking. I like that a lot.

Biking. So, we're gonna get a bike and drive around fucking Hollywood? That's what you're telling him? I'm going to put a helmet on you like one of those fucking sluitses. They have that, what I've been thinking about is they have that path on Chandler. You're not going to do it, so forget it by it. If I put a pork chop out for you and said, walk over here, I got a pork chop for you. You wouldn't walk.

So forget about it. That's getting the bike and getting the bike trail and putting the helmet on and going to Chandler. Hopefully it's a nice day. You know, there's so many variables. That's why I tell you to walk. Yeah. You want to start with the most easiest common denominator. I like these people that, well, I join this gin and pass.

I said, you know, wait a second. You have a hard time going to fucking routes to go shopping. Yeah. Well, they gave me a deal. I'm telling you, that's an hour there and an hour back. You're not going to make it happen. It's three hours. You need something at first that's easy. That's why I get the kettlebells and I don't move my car because they're in the trunk of my car. So I go down there and if I get in a fucking mess. When I first wanted to lose weight, when I was the first time was after the longest yard.

And I went across the street and I was totally out of shame. I was smoking three packs of cigarettes a day. Three packs? Yeah, I was doing two and probably one or two packs when I got Coke. Oh, my God. I would get another two packs of camels. They used to come with a promotional. If you buy one, you get them free.

I would smoke every fucking cigarette. That's when I go to bed. Jesus. Guys, you have no fucking idea. If I go back to 2005, you have no fucking idea what I was doing on a Monday night. You figure, okay, my week consists of seven days, okay, like everybody else. My main goal every day is to write one hour a day. My schedules, it's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

First thing you see is write one hour a day. Okay. Like for today, you would see write one hour, and then you'd see podcasts at 6 a.m. And then you'd see audition at 4 and live podcast at 8. Okay. Okay. I didn't have a schedule back then.

I didn't even have a notebook. I would just get up in my days where Acapello. If I wrote comedy, I wrote comedy. If I didn't write comedy. I made notes with a notebook, but it wasn't that. It was how I was living. I was getting up, eating breakfast, and then eat another breakfast out. I was doing everything to avoid working out.

You would call me and say, hey, Joey, let's go eat lunch. I can't work out. Me and Lee are going to talk about the podcast. You know, I made, I gave myself excuses. And listen, man, that's everybody. We all give ourselves excuses. Like I said, I treated that YMCA. I moved with Inuitary in 2000.

and until 2005, it took me five years. You know what the Honda dealer is? Yeah. That was where the Y was. Yeah, you showed you. I wouldn't cross the street, Lee. I thought the devil lived there. I made, you know, there was battered women were there.

That's why I said there's battered women. It's not a gym. I would tell myself that. Finally, Lee, you go to events. I would go with Rogan, these young guys, and I couldn't even walk from the fucking airport. I remember Tate Fletcher carrying my luggage in picking me up.

I'm not lying to you people here. I'm not kidding you people. These are my friends. Rogan would park the car far away, so I would have to walk. I would be pissed at them. Because it was a nightmare. I would go to hotels

and sit in the room the whole time. They would work out. They would go swimming. I would meet them to go in the pool and I would do a couple laps. And I always had my own workout. They would go, come with us. No, no, I'm going to do my own workout.

My workout was sitting in my room and stretching. That was it. These guys were offering me my help. I had Eddie Braves. Joe Rogan, Tate, Ari, they're all going, come downstairs. We'll teach you jih Tzu. No, no, no, no, no.

And I just avoided it because I was embarrassed. My body, the shape I was in. I remember Broly Stevens used to go, Joey Diaz has the body of a 50-year-old man. When I was 32 years old, I was just out of fucking breath, you know, between the cigarettes, the blow, the fucking weed. You know, it just took its toll. But my whole thing was food. I loved fucking food, man.

We all love food. Yeah. But it wasn't love for food. It was just gluttony. Yeah, you're never happy after you do it. Like, you don't feel full. No, because you didn't do shit. You didn't do shit.

It was, and I'm not kidding you. I would make my wife make breakfast. Let's make breakfast. All you need to do is give my wife a green light. Especially to fry. She'll fry anything at a New York fucking minute. She's from the South, bro. Don't fry fucking anything.

Bread. Those fucking people fry beans. Don't fry anything. I talked to the father yesterday. It was frying up cows something. They fry up shit. Okay, so she would fry up, I'd say three eggs. I'd get a whole loaf of wonder bread and get a tub of butter and just put it on the white bread and get the egg yolk

and put it on the bread and eat it. And I would eat three of those eggs. We'd kill a pack of bacon. Jesus. And a half a loaf of bread and three cans of Coke. Oh, my God. And then I would wait and how I'd get an eye again and then I'd go to McDonald's before 11 and get the egg McMuffin, the potato and the Coke again.

I remember one night the bartender. at the fucking comedy store said you drank like fucking 10 coax tonight. One time at the Miami Improv, the owner of the club, came over to me. He goes, you drank 16 coax tonight. I'm the bar like 16 fucking coax at night. You know, there was no water in my life then. I wouldn't even consider drinking fucking water. Water was beneath me.

Yeah. And it's just this pattern you get into. You just, and it's an avoidance. And that's to the point where you're putting clothes on, they don't fit no more. you feel like shit when you go to get up you feel like shit it's just this whole continuing down spiral it sucks you in and then you know most of america does not understand they don't even know where to start right america listen we don't know where to start we do we all do like i was talking to rick the other night like you've said it before like i i know if i wanted to lose weight i should eat salads

and i should work out i should it's just for me it's a the pattern is i've never done it and then so it seem scary and then it's just it's so much easier not to do it like that's no it's not because it carries over into your whole it does ever since i started doing this it catches on you catch on and nothing happens in one day nothing Rome was not built in a day you have an extra 100 pounds on your body you didn't just put it on overnight right you just didn't wake up so it's going to take time and that's the killer time is the killer with everything in our life Yeah, I almost got tricked again, and I had to stop myself from ordering it. I don't even watch it, but have you seen pawn stars, like the guys in Vegas doing that pawn shop?

Yeah, yeah. Apparently one of them was really big, and he lost a lot of weight, and men's health had this whole thing I saw on Facebook. He took this pill for three months, a lot of 70 pounds without working out, and part of me was like, oh, they found it. But I... They didn't find nothing. Yeah. They found nothing because everything is a shortcut in America. We all know shortcuts don't work.

We all know as human beings that shortcuts don't work. After a while, after you're like 20-something, you go, wow, they don't fucking work, okay? None of that shit works. What I'm going to do, and what Weight Watchers taught me. Before Doche, before anybody, that's why I'm so loyal to Weight Watchers. It was Weight Watchers, and it was Rick and I who walked into Weight Watchers. And Rick and I, it works. It works.

Listen, man, it's been four years, and I've kept... 75 pounds off, okay? I put on 50 pounds. I lost like 125 fucking pounds. Ask Rick. And here's what the problem was. When I first walked into Justin Fortune's gym, it was Justin Fortune who said to me, Joey, the party's over.

I saw you walking into your car. You know, Justin does have no shortage of words. Yeah. There's no light, niceness from Justin. Justin at the time was Pacquiao's boxing coach. And I would buy weed next door. He would see me walk into the car and out of the car. I'd walk over, say hello.

But as soon as he'd tell me, walking the gym, I always had to do something. Yeah. Joy, when are you going to come to the gym, walk around, hit the bag. No, no, no, no. Finally, I met a guy from Boston. This name was Maca Foley, who I spoke to yesterday. He's in New York training James Franco right now. Oh, wow.

Macca's a bad motherfucker. Macca's one of my closest friends in L.A. I talked to Maca three times a week on the phone about the bag. Yesterday, we talked about shadow boxing. He spoke to me about shadow boxing, the importance of shadow boxing. He's 68. He shadow boxes and hour a day. Jesus.

Okay, so you understand me? It's all, you know, when you talk to those guys, you're like, what? He sounds stupid for not having time. You're a fucking idiot. You know, he does sit-ups, he does push-ups. So he trains people during the weekend, Maca-Fo. As you go down there, you give him 20 bucks, he'll train you for six rounds. In the thing, you hit the fucking bag with him.

He teaches you how to punch. You teach you how to fucking Perry. I mean, it's a great thing because working out, you learn. I always, my dick gets hard when I learn. I don't care what I'm learning about If you take the time out of your day to teach me something That means the world to me You know

So he would talk to me every day and go, Joe, you're putting on the pounds I remember at this time I would weigh myself on the scale And I couldn't even weigh myself The way else the scale stops at 350 Oh Jesus I would have to go to like a cattle house The fucking way I'm not kidding you

But I know at 350 the scale would go Ding Which meant there's no hope There was no hope And I finally went to a heart doctor who had the scale. And I remember him looking at me going. He goes, you know, you're 4.18. And I remember I couldn't even make eye contact.

Yeah. I couldn't even make eye contact. It must have been, did you ever think about just like, all right, it's overall just eat until I die or? No, I know I didn't want to die. I knew at that point that this had an end somewhere. I had gotten off the Coke. I outlived the Coke.

Okay. At that point you were off the Coke? I just outlived the Coke. So this got a, I got, when that doctor told me I had a strong heart, he goes, your heart very strong. So what I did was I went to Justin's and I would hit the bag. Nacophola goes, I don't want you to do nothing. I want you to do nothing. I want you to stretch a little bit and I want you to stand in front of the bag and I want you to punch the bag like this and I'm going to stop you every once in a while and I mean I would have to stop after 15 seconds.

15 seconds of punching I would have to stop and I would have to wear two pair underwear. Two, two league because I would pee my pants. I still put. pee my pants. A little bit. A little bit. Or I got to fucking piss real quick if I catch my breath. I mean, I'm not lying to you people. I have no reason to know about it. And I would punch the bag and I did that for like six weeks

and I lost weight but I didn't lose the sufficient amount of weight that I thought I would lose. It's fucking hard. You want to lose like 50, 60 pounds? I want to lose 50 pounds of the day. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And I would lose three pounds and that three pounds or one pound but I didn't

understand that dieting was everything. And Christmas. Like I was working out with Macca maybe a month and I did go on a diet. I ate one cheeseburger instead of four. I ate one egg, two eggs instead of five, you know, shit like that. And then I read something. I read that they did a study that Americans could work out all day long but if they didn't diet, they wouldn't lose any weight. And I knew they were talking about me. Yeah. I knew that it was, you know, we live in an age now where you go on the internet. I had a friend that's very heavy, and she called me up on there. She goes, I overheard, and one of your things that you're doing kettlebells.

She goes, I bought a 10-pounder, and I do them in my house. And I go, how'd you learn? She goes, I go online, and I found this one web page that really broke it down for me. It's a beginner web page, or you put the weight between your legs. You know, you stretch, the stretches before. People are very embarrassed. It takes a certain person to go to a Y and work out. But what you're going to find is years ago, Christy Miller was a comic out of New York.

She's still out of New York. Sweet girl I used to hang out in the store. This was way before I ever thought, dreamed of. And it's a funny story, but it's not. It just goes to show you that there's human compassion in the gym. There really is. So what you think is going to happen to you in the gym, those days are over with it. When you walk into a gym after a week, people look at you different,

and they gain respect for you. They'll come up to you and go, hey, man, thanks for coming in. And you're like, well, I'm doing three minutes on the stair mask. I'm dying because they're telling you, They've been there. So the first thing, Dice used to get on me. Dice and Steve Simone.

Really? Did you know that? Wow. Dice always got on me. Always. Always. And he got on me as a friend. Joey, what the fuck?

You're getting bigger than the stage. Joey, what the fuck? You got to work. Why don't you come work out with me in the cage, you know? And it just, you know, people help you. People love you. So they say little things to you. And sometimes you get mad because you're like,

Who the fuck are you, but they love you. Or they've been there. They've been there. Once somebody's been there, you got to listen to that person. You got to take them to sign. Go listen to them more war between me and you. What do I got to do? And they'll tell you, Joey, do that.

You get people that go, oh, you got to clean a mountain. No. No. Those are the people that fail as personal trainers because they're putting. So you got to read the person's psychology. You're not going to have them running fucking sprints. If he hasn't worked out in three years, their bones hurt. When you weigh 10 pounds overweight, your bones hurt.

If you go for a long walk, you're going to go for a long walk. your feet hurt yeah you know so you gotta start slow you know put that you gotta look at everybody is different every fucking body is different what works for lee isn't gonna work for joey and what works for joey isn't gonna work for timmy what works for anybody it's just really fucking scary and when i read that article i broke i remember maryland martinez for some reason she pushed weight watches and i had a friend in denver who was huge who was huge when when i first did comedy this guy wouldn't come to my comedy shows

because he was embarrassed. And he told me one time. But his wife talked him into going to Weight Watchers and he became a marathon runner. Wow. And today this guy is a fucking rail. He eats protein. Because Weight Watchers, you know, when I went to the county jail,

I used to go to jail all the time. And I noticed when I got out of jail, even though I ate chocolate at night and potato chips, I lost weight. When you get out of jail, like county jail, people are like, like, dog, you tightened up a little bit. Yeah, because portions are small. Portions are small.

And your body adjust them. You know, when we go to Roma, you can go to Roma and get two sandwiches, macaroni and seeds, roasted peppers, and two sodas. Well, I give you one sandwich with no sides and you'll get just as full. Yeah. If you really think about it, and that's what they do, they slow you down. You know, until this day, for breakfast, I eat one egg with one piece of wheat toast. I can use America wants two eggs. Go one egg.

You'll be full. If you scramble that egg and cut, there's a piece of ham. There's a piece of ham you buy at the supermarket. Okay. You cut that in half. It's a point. Let's say wait once. It gives you 44 points a day.

It's a point for half a piece of ham. So you fry that ham. You make one egg. One egg is two points. That's three points. And an English muffin, there's two points. So for five points, you ate breakfast. It's not the breakfast you used to eating.

Right. That's why you've got to eat it with fruit. You've got to divide. I was fucking a pineapple or a cantalove or a watermelon or two apples and then drink a gallon of fucking water. For me, it was Coca-Cola that was killing me. So I went to Diet Coke, not the healthiest choice, but for then it worked. That's a start.

That's what people understand. For now it works. Well, you don't know what you're doing to you. It works for now. You have no idea what I was fucking drinking. Okay? So I'm drinking three Diet Coke and water instead of 16 solid coax a day. Shut your fucking mouth.

Okay. So I'll glow in the dark for a few months. Who gives a fuck? Mind your fucking business. Because it's all sacrifices. It's all little sacrifice. It's the same thing with life, man, with this. And you do it every day.

That's the thing. When I wake up in the morning, what do I put? And I'm going to stay, motherfuckers. I know you're bored with that stupidity. And I know you're bored with the church. I know you're bored with, hey, wash your dick. I do it to show you people that. You have to do something every fucking day.

You know, I don't tweet on the weekends. But Monday through first. I'm on there. My day, every fucking day is the same thing. Once I went to Weight Watchers, I went with Rick. And that really changed things. I realized that when you go to Roma, you get a, when you go to Subway, you get a foot long with the bag, and you get the soda. You go to foot long, you get six inch with a cup of soup and a green tea,

you accomplish the same thing. That's what you learn. Instead of eating two steaks with a baked potato, you eat a half a steak with a salad. with a salad. That's all they want you to do. Number two, eating out is done. That's the thing. Eating out is done. Going on a diet is not a diet.

It's a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle for the better. I'm still a fat fuck, but my lifestyle is 100% better. I go to physicals. I got a finger put up my ass. I fucking got to, now they got to put a tube. You don't got to send shit in the mail to a doctor now? Why? Did you know that when you hit 50?

And I thought there was a joke. I thought it was a fucking joke. About six, seven months ago, I got a call from Kaiser when my wife had Kaiser insurance because I was on Kaiser's insurance. And I was on Screen Actors Guild insurance. I get a call from fucking Kaiser and they're like, hey man, this is Dr. Such and Such.

We're real, in our records, you turned 50. We're going to put a cup in the mail. We like for you to put feces in there and mail it back. I thought it was like Lee, playing with me. I'm like, all right, whatever. Send it it to me. I'm fucking week later, I got a cup in the mail. I looked at this cup

and they're like, you know, shit in the cup it gave you the instructions. I'm like, I'm not shitting no cup. They called me again. We never received a cup and your feces in it. What the fuck?

Why are you so, why you want my shit for? I'm going to mail you your fucking cup pool of shit. So then when my wife quit a job, they stopped calling, so I'd have to shit in a cup. Well, the other dad went for a physical. And they said to me,

Joey, by the way, when you're 51, you have to do this conidoscopy where they stick a camera up, your dick hole or something. Your asshole, yeah. Your asshole. And you got to, you out fuck you gonna put me out and put something in my ass that's called rape

well I'm fucking from you know I'm saying you want to put some up my ass I want to watch it yeah you know fuck you you're gonna put some on my ass when I'm passed I gotta take my wife I'm then I'm thinking I gotta get take my wife to a ceremony when they're gonna put a camera up my fucking ass while I'm passed out I fuck it but you gotta do it they test you now for hepatitis B if you're over fifth between certain ages and the doctor told me he goes on something else you got a shit in a cut And I was like blown away.

This last week is this doctor is my main man, Dr. Wax. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? He goes, yeah, I got a shit in a fucking cup. You got to shit in the cup. You got to read the thing, what you could eat and what you can't eat. Then you got a shit and you scrape a little bit off and then mail it to us and we'll take care of it. I got the envelope staring at me. I put it on my bulletin board.

I've been thinking about shit in the fucking cup all week. But that's health. What are you going to fucking do? You know, I got insurance. They offer it to me. I got to do it. The worst thing for me to come and thank you. I've got colon fucking cancer.

I need to come over and fill in that whole process. Okay. I'm going to let you. Just seeing it and the cup falls over. We're going to do it. No, this isn't a cup. I got to scrape it and put it with a spoon on like an envelope. And they're going to put under a microscope and look at my shit.

In this fucking day and age, somebody wants to look at your shit. That's like the fucking, that's like the crystal ball of the future to see what's up your asshole. But, you know, it's the first step in anything is rough. You know, this morning in the shower, I was thinking about when I first moved here, and the guys I hung out with. And every Saturday, they celebrated something. Twice a month. What are you doing Saturday? We're getting together.

We're going to have a party at something such as birthday, and they'd ask me what I was doing. And whether I was doing something or not, I refused to go to their stupid fucking parties. Because there were comedians. And on Saturday nights, you're working. If you're not working, you're out there first trying to do a spot. And then after you do a spot, then you can drink and snort Coke and fuck somebody up the ass. I'm with you. But your main job is a comic is to do that fucking spot.

You know, your main job is whatever is to do that spot. Listen, bro, I don't give a fuck about your schedule. I don't give a fuck about, you know, the greatest line of movie history besides the movie line with Rocky is Alec Baldwin in that movie, Grinling Gary Ross, when he does the speech. And he goes, good father, fuck you. A good father you supply for your family You want a boat With your friends playing guy

You follow what I'm saying to you? All that people make a big deal about their lives Fuck you Today I gotta go Knee surgery I gotta have knee surgery I tore my ACL I tore the fucking thing

There's arthritis in there There's a muscle that fucked up on the side I thought it was the knee You know what today Once I finish this I'm going to the Y I gotta ride that bike I gotta keep my heart going I gotta do you political for 50 fucking minutes

My wrist hurts. I won't do kettle bells play. There's no jiu-jitsu today. I have the live podcast tonight, and there's no jihih Tzu class there. There's an open mat up at street sports. I'd rather fucking do my wrist door hurts. I don't want to land on the wrist or something.

So I'm going to do the epileptic. Well, there's always something you could do. I'm 51. You think I want to walk to the fucking wine and lose my parking spot? Is that what you think? No, but I'm doing it anyway. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck.

You know, when I'm home in the mornings, and the baby wakes up? my morning's done whatever I was working on is done so guess what I gotta get up at 5.30 that gives me two hours without the baby because she'll come in anytime after 6 30, wait wake up

anytime after 630 to 7 30 she'll come in bouncing and running in the fucking room and she doesn't understand the concept of hold on daddy's got to finish this no you know people don't understand that yeah you've got a schedule that's fine I don't give a fuck about your schedule this is what you need to do

you know you need to go for a walk. If your mother comes to visit you, that's fine. At one point of day, you give her a kiss and you go, I got to go for a run. Where are you going? We're going to have cupcakes. No, we're not. Have cupcakes with Paul. I'm going to go for a fucking run. And people be mad at you, but they respect you. They'll go, what the fuck? This guy, no, because life goes on. I don't give a fuck about your party. I don't give a fuck about your thing. I have to do this. This is what people in this country, people in general, and then they get mad because they don't get the results they get. out of life. Well, I had to

do that. No, you'd have to do nothing. Well, my friend had a dinner. Fuck your friend in this fucking dinner. You get there an hour late and you fucking run. Or you exercise or you go swimming or you finish the chapter in that book. I don't give it. Lee, how long do you know me? Do I give a fuck about anything? No.

When we got a job to do. We got a job to do. Christmas, New Year's, birthdays. That's all bullshit. That's for fucking people who don't want to fucking succeed. We work 24-7. That's how you You got to do it. You look at the people who are successful?

I took the day off because I just... What deserve? What fucking deserve? What deserve? What do you got coming? You got dick coming? Yeah. Dick, I get it.

You're playing with your kids? I'm thinking all fucking day. I'm thinking of the next move all day. I love it. It's the phone ring. Yeah. Hit it. What's happening, little brother?

What's your doing, Dad? You bad motherfucker. Over here schooling these cock suckers, letting them know they got to get up every day and watch their assholes. Nothing changes. You know what I'm saying? Nothing changes

Nothing changes You know When you were going for the fucking thing A couple months ago When you were training for the fucking thing With John Jack In the afternoon you get home You pick up Draco

You hug him You kiss him Once you pick up your child What do you have on your mind You don't want to go nowhere right No man But you still gotta get up And go do your fucking squats

Right or wrong Right Who gives a fuck You gotta hug the kid kiss him And you gotta go do Can you imagine If you sat down They're all day playing with your son all day.

It's great. And you're a great father. But what would happen to your house? Who would support your wife? Who would support your kids? Who would attain their goals? Nothing, man. Nothing gets done.

Nothing gets done. I like these kids. I'm going to be a stay-at-home father. You're a stay-at-home faggot is what you fucking are. Get out there. Stabber motherfucker. How's your son going to learn from you, cuck, sucker? I'm going to stay home and play Tic-Tac.

Get the fuck out of here. I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm emotional this morning. What's happening, my brother? Hey, you know what? I'm wearing the same boat, man. You know, I like going out and getting the bacon, and my wife stays home and raises Draco and teaches them all day.

I like that, man. But I also like staying home, you know, and when I'm not traveling on the weekends to an affiliate of mine to teach a seminar, staying home is like vacation. I enjoy staying home when I can because I'm always out there hustling, trying to make a dollar. you know, to keep that rent paid. So we're in the same boat, man.

We've got to go out there and slays and slays and dragons for our family. I know, I know every fucking night. I know you love Jiu-Jitsu. I know you love it. I've been around you for 10 years. You love Jiu-Jitsu. But I know I talk to you every night at 10 after 8 when you're driving to teach. And I've got to tell you something, there's some nights.

I know you don't want to be there. You'd rather do something else. But you love Jiu-Jitsu, and this is what you do, and you don't give a fuck. If the world ends at the 101, up you still got a beat her at 8.30, you know? Yeah. I don't give a fuck. You take a helicopter. It's really amazing how people call you and they go, oh, this isn't working out for me. You know, you're lucky. Joe Rogan put you on the podcast.

Joe Rogan put me on the podcast, but it's the work I do after Joe Rogan. You know, these motherfuckers, nobody, everybody wants to fucking go to heaven, but nobody wants to die, Eddie. So it's just the thing that I know, you know, you're an older gentleman. At 8 o'clock at night, you're already thinking about putting your feet up and getting your balls licked. You got to go fucking teach and smell feet and shit like that. You don't need the aggravation, but you do it because that's what needs to be fucking done. I have no choice. There's no choice.

And, you know, I ain't complaining. It's a great job, man, you know, teaching people how to strangle each other. I'm blessed. It's surreal. I can't believe that's my job. But, you know, you're right. Sometimes you just want to fucking stay home and be tired from... you know, doing different things during the day.

Sometimes you want to stay home. But no matter how I feel when I'm driving the class or anything, I know once I start teaching, I know once, no matter what I'm feeling, I can have a hangover or whatever. Once I start teaching class, I'm obsessed, and the passion just flows. You know, it's a rare, rare, rare time where I'm actually teaching, and I don't love it. No, I know. I know what my, you know, you know, it's really weird, man.

I've been going to Jiu-Jitoo now for a year. You know what I did last Friday night at 7 o'clock, Eddie? When all my friends are doing this and this, I went to the beginning of class. And you know what I saw Friday night, Eddie? And I know for you, it ain't much. But for me, I did the whole floor of hip escapes. Do you know when I fucking started at that school, I could only do three hip escapes and I'd be out of breath?

And I'd pee my pants and I'd have to fucking take my ghee top off and breathe. Do you know that I go the whole length of the fucking floor now with hip escapes, bro? Perfect hip escapes, too. The ass all the way up. To me, that means more than somebody giving me $10 million, Eddie. That's a beautiful thing, man. It's beautiful, man. For me, that means more to me.

This Friday, I got a busted ACL. My knee is gone. They're doing surgery the last week of July. But, you know, today I can't do nothing because I got a podcast and I got an audition. I don't have a jihitsu class in the afternoon. But fucking tomorrow, I'm going to go to jihitsu. And even if I can't do a half guard or whatever, I don't give a fuck. Because I know it affects the rest of my life, Eddie.

I know when I get on stage, in the back of my mind, I know that I did the whole length of the floor on hip escapes. That might not be much to you. But to a guy like me, that gives me a ton of fucking confidence when I go on stage, you know? Absolutely, man. That's what you get to does. You're reminded every day of the things that you were retarded at, and all of a sudden you master, you realize that you can master anything. And, you know, what you learn in jihitsu just reminds you of how master.

your body is. And, you know, if you're not doing Jiu-Jitsu, you're just driving to work and you're sitting in your office all day, and by the time you get home at night, you're tired and eat and watch some TV and then you crash, you're not reminded how magical your body is. So you think you can't do shit. You think, like, you have no confidence in yourself, but what Jiu-Jitsu does is it reminds you every time you go in, you suck at a certain technique, and now, and then you get really good at it, and then you get unconscious with it.

And then you get magical with it. Like, well, you're rolling, and your body does the move, and you just kind of, like, just oversaw the whole movement. And your body just did a lot of stuff. You didn't know what it did. Then you realized, wow, man, I could apply this to anything. I could master anything. You can do anything.

So that's what jihitsu does. That's how, you know, when people always say, oh, jih jih Tchich changed my life. Vince, you did you change my life back. And people always talk about it, but they don't really get down to, the specifics, man. The specifics are your body is magical. You teach it how to do something.

You do it over and over again. It will do it by itself, and it'll do it by itself way better than you commanding and you doing it. It's pretty incredible. And that's how you get to change your life because you realize that, man, if I get into any trade or any, you realize you can be a lawyer. You really can be a doctor. And you really can do anything. All you got to do is study, do the drills, do the homework,

and you can do anything. It's amazing that you don't get carried away. I'm only good at hip escapes. Everything else, my body's not magical. I'm only good at hip escapes. I can do two of them in a row, and then I got to tap out for a second until I get you back in my guard.

What's up, my brother? You know I'm never up at this time. The only time I'm up at this time is you take a piss. I'm like walking like a zombie to class And uh Or to I'm sorry And that's how fucked up I'm walking down the hall

Like a zombie take a leak And then I walk back I'm never up Rarely talking Just just on your podcast It's the only time I'm up Hey 10 years ago You were just finishing eating pussy

The Indian was just making The Indian was just wearing off 10 years ago You know what I'm saying? At six in the morning You were just coming too The feather You found the feather on your chest You didn't know what happened

You're like, what the fuck happened? There was a feather on my chest. I went out. I'm missing a shoe. You were leaving balloons in Germany. You got a shoe in your backpack. So what's going on this weekend? This Sunday in Hollywood at the Florentine Gardens, my first jiu-jitsu event,

I've been working on this and brainstorming on this for a very long time. And me and Victor Davila, He's the Spanish commentator for the UFC. He's, we're partners in this, and the name of the show is Eddie Bravo, Invitational, also known as EBI. We're doing it this Sunday. Doors open at 430 at the Florentine Gardens. You can get your tickets at Eddie Bravo Invitational.com. EBI is two 16-man submission-only tournaments.

We're doing the 145 and 170. and it's, you know, there's really nothing out there, man. It's kind of like Abu Dhabi, where it's a bunch of weight classes, 16 men in each weight class, invitation only and qualifier only, but we're doing it submission only. And we do have overtime rounds that there is a submission. The overtime rounds are submission-based, you know, and they have nothing to do with wrestling or take-downs or anything.

Most jiu-jitsu tournament to get into overtime, it really comes down who's the best wrestler. And when that happened, you know, I'm nothing against wrestling, but what that happens is you have a guy who doesn't know any jiu-jitsu, he just wrestled his whole life. He'll stall in regulation just to get the overtime, and then overtime and first points win, you know, and basically it comes down to wrestling.

So we fixed that. That was a flaw in the jih Tijuana game. Again, wrestling is a beautiful art, and everyone should know wrestling, but a jiu-jitsu matches shouldn't be decided on wrestling. That's what we're doing here at EBI. You know, there's a submission-based. There's a YouTube video that I made going over and explaining the overtime rules.

You just go to YouTube and search. Eddie Bobber invitation, invitational. Overtime rules, I explain it. It takes 13 minutes to explain. I can't do it here. I need visuals to explain it. I'm really excited about it. In the 145, the number one seat is Jeff Glover.

and in the 170, the number one seat is Gary Teton, two monsters in the Jiu-Gitza world. And we got that pent-pronged guys, you know, Chio Martinez and his brother, Ritchie Martinez. They're both in the two. You know, it's, the whole, my whole format is designed to, to promote as much urgency within the fighters to make it exciting for TV.

You know, we're basically shooting a pilot for Spanish TV. There's a Spanish, A major network, really, really, in the event. The ring announcer, we're trying to get this on TV, and the Spanish market is embracing Jiu-Jitsu way more than the American market. The American market, they don't care. They just want tibis on TV. And, you know, in Mexico, jih Tijuana is on a meteorological crisis.

It's just like the UFC. They love it. Mexico is just embracing Jiu-Jitsu. So that's what we're going. We're going to the markets. They're embracing a market where we don't have to try to pitch, go to a pitch meetings in America. You know how pitch meetings are. You try to explain how awesome jihitsu and how cool it would be to be on TV.

And they're like, where the kiddies are at? Where's the new Jersey Shore? So what are you going to try to put it on American TV? They're going to have to see it be successful in the Latin market. and then hopefully they'll pick it up. That's this Sunday, Ghorrenton Gardens. Tickets only $25, again.

You can get on the website and buy the tickets there. I hope you see all you guys. They'll help to see a bunch of death squatters there. My goal is to create the most exciting jih Tijuanament possible. That's my goal. I might fail miserably, but that is my goal and the rules and everything were the whole focus was to be exciting enough,

not just for the hardcore jih Tijit fans, but for everybody worldwide, just a casual UFC fan. That's what we're aiming at. That's a beautiful fucking thing. That's a beautiful fucking... I knew... Now, when submission only, there's no points. That's what you're telling me?

Yeah, no points. No points. That's what kills the game. There's been a point format in Jiu-Jitsu since 1996 since the first tournament in the United States. There's been no TV or... The point system is just... It just encourages stalling.

You know, as soon as a guy's up on two points, maybe he took a guy down or passed a guard, he'll hold. You know, he'll hold and general he'll stall. There are guys that are exciting in the point format. There are guys like Keenan Cornelius, Hatha Mendez, Marcel and Garcia. But generally overall, you know, you've got four matches in your division. Your first couple matches, you don't want to blow your wad. You don't want so you get a couple points in you're hard.

hold, that's great for you and your teammates, but it sucks for the people sitting in the stand, people watching at home. So we're trying to cater to the people watching at home, which is something a jihitsu promoters have never done before because in jihitsu, they cater to the competitors because the competitors pay the bills. The promoters are making money off the competitors that pay $120 each, so they're making it all about the competitors when we're trying to make it all about. the audience, the spectator, we're focusing on them, which no one has really done before.

Everyone's focusing on making the competitor happy. So we're trying to make the audience happy. And hopefully this works out, and we've done our best, mean, because I've got it out, busted her ass. And it's going to be a great show, man. I hope to see everybody at the Thornton Garden this Sunday. Doors open 430. If you're going to the Mundial, the World Championships, you know, if you get bored there, you know, you go tell your buddy, let's get out of here.

Let's go to EBI, dude. This is killing me. You can do that shit. You know, it's only the moonbibe is probably like 30 minutes away from Thorntine Gardens. We're hoping to pack it up, make a lot of noise, and just to make sure everyone has a good time, and people talk about it in a great way,

and we just keep going, and we keep doing EBI Grand Prix, EBI. We're going to do EBI women and children, you know, just a tournament with just women and children and teens, brackets, you know. There's so many amazing kids out there doing to Jiu-Zitza. The kids are sometimes more entertaining than the adults, you know, a lot of times, actually. And so are the women, you know, watching girls and women do Jiu-Jitsu and seeing how good

they are. That's pretty fascinating as well. So we're going to, we're going to encompass everybody. And everybody does Vigone, you know. Women, children, old ladies, you know. five-year-olds, people with cerebral palsy, do jiu-jitsu. Everybody does jitza. You have no excuse.

There are people with cerebral palsy to do jih Tjitsu. So if you're out there thinking, oh, my God, I can't do it. I'm going to get hurt. There are people with cerebral palsy doing jihitsu. There's a guy named Kyle Maynard who has no arms and no legs. He does jiu-jitsu. There's guys with missing legs. They did jih Tijitsu.

There's guys missing arms. They do jih Tijitsu. So you have no excuse, not to do J-Jitsu. you know it's funny there's a there's a guy up with john jocks it's a 72 year old black belt they just sent me a picture of one of the guys Javier and uh i guess he had a heart attack in his 50s or something like that that really inspires the fuck out of you hegan machado's got a kid that had a heart attack an hour after going to jihitsu eddie bravo he had open heart surgeon he went back to class he's a purple belt now i was rolling one of them i couldn't

believe i'm like you're not scared he goes no they fixed my heart I'm back. It really is amazing how better I've got as a comedian since I started Jiu-Zitsu, Eddie. I've improved- How would it help you in comedy? Confidence. Whenever I listen, Eddie, for me to walk into Jiu-Jitsu, I'm scared because I don't know anything. I don't know. And it's a scary thing for me. And when I would walk out of Jiu-Jitsu and there would be a little bit of sweat on my shirt or a lot of sweat on my shirt, whether I reviewed techniques, whether I reviewed a hip escape,

whether I reviewed escaping from the mount or a sweep from the mount. When I walked out of Eddie, I felt like I did something that was out of my comfort zone. And when you do something that's out of your comfort zone, I can go kickbox all day long. I could do Muay Thai all day long. I'd go there and do the four rounds and learn the technique for the week and spar. And it's another day for me because I've been doing it since I was five with Rashad's father. my first karate teacher, but wrestling and jiu-jitsu, anything on my back I never had confidence of.

So, whenever I walk out of jiu-jitsu, that's my accomplishment for the week. I know I did something. My goal is to do two sessions a week at this age. That's all I can handle, especially if I do kettlebells and if I do the epileptical, you know, I'm non-testosterone, I'm overweight. But I got to tell you something, for me to go in there and just, I do little things, and there's such a big accomplishment for me. If I pass a guard one week,

to me, that's like winning the fucking silver at the Mundialos. To me, to me, to Joe Diaz, to me, when I hold somebody in my closed guard and I get them in a half guard and I hold them there for five minutes, even if whatever, even if I just break his posture, to me, I made an accomplishment. I did better than the week before.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, most people, they have a misconception. of how tough jiu-jitsu is and how they think they're just going to be a bunch of sweaty, bald, MMA fighters, you're going to go on a cage, and they're going to throw you against the cage, and they're going to smash you. Man, at 10 Planet HQ at downtown Illinois, we got two beginner classes a day, two. We have one in the daytime, there's one at night, and sometimes there's two at night. The day classes are just filled with beginners that know nothing.

my instructors, Javonne Graham and Scott Ross, they walk everybody, they hold their hands, walking through the beginner classes are tailor-made for people that know nothing, nothing. So by the time you get to my class, my class is the advanced class, you know, by the time you get there, you'll have some weapons in your pocket and you'll have confidence and you'll know, and everyone that walks in and finally takes the first class, they all say the same thing. Man, I had no idea I was going to love it so much and how fun and easy, easier they thought it was easier than they thought it was going to be. It's like most jih TzuS schools have a good beginner class. And if they don't, then that, you know, it's kind of tough.

It really is. It's on the beginners and what the advanced guys. You've got to have some big balls to do that as a beginner. But, you know, find a local jiu-jitsu school. and ask them how many beginner classes they have a week. And if they have at least two to four, then you'll be fine. Just hit those for six months a year,

and then you slowly make your way to the advanced class. But like I said, at HQ, man, we got two beginning classes a day, and they're still, man. There's like 20, 25 guys per beginning class every day, packed with guys who don't know anything. And by the time I get them, By the time they transition in the advanced class, they have some serious confidence and flow right with the advanced guys. It doesn't take that long.

Maybe a year. You know, time flies. If you've got to be in the beginner class for a year, that's going to go by so quick. And plus, if you're scared, you just want to stay there anyways. You don't want to, you know, transition to the advanced class until you're fully ready and fully have your confidence on track. What nobody remembers Eddie is that I knew Scott Ross when he was a nerdy writer at the comedy store. and he was a sweetheart of a kid he didn't say two fucking words

he used to sit there with nerdy glasses in the corner and ask me questions about comedy I always loved him and one day I walked into HQ when you were on La Brea and I think he was a blue belt and he was a completely different man his body had changed

his back had chains he had long hair he was smiling he came right over and grabbed my leg and now I watch his drills every day every day he already posted his drills right now by fucking 7 o'clock Scott Ross already posted HQ Drills on Facebook

And I sit there and I look at the quarter guard Transitioned to the backguard And my head fucking explodes I mean it's fucking amazing What Scott's doing down there And I spoke to him I spoke to him a few weeks ago And I told him once I figure out I really wanted to take some time with me

And he was fucking open to it So I mean Scott's a great guy He even told me there's a train from my house To HQ Yes, that is, that's correct. There's a train from my house to H2 that my wife could pick me up on the way home at 11 on Mondays and Wednesdays,

because those are the days she either works either or. So I spoke to him already, you know, and it's pretty fucking interesting the things I'm learning and how I'm feeling lately since I started. And I took your advice on one thing. When you did MetaMorris, this last time, you spoke about how you were talking to him throughout the match. Yeah.

You spoke how you wanted, and it was, you made me laugh so much. You're like, why am I talking shit to somebody? I'm going to talk something funny because I don't want to be a mad guy wrestling with me. I've been doing that lately, Eddie. And I've been fucking people up because, you know, once they take me down, I'm like, you cock sucker, I can't believe you did this to me. Now I'm going to get you. And we both start fucking laughing, and now I get them.

That's my world now. Once I got you laughing, it's my fucking world. But, no, no, Eddie, I learn a lot from you, and you're good at what you do, and I watch all your fucking shit on YouTube, and you're my brother, and I love you, and I'm going. I called, I'm taking George with me and John Evans.

I'm taking Argentina and George and John Evans, so I will be there Sunday cheering you on. Eddie, man, you know, when I met you, you were a fucking DJ at some fucking strip club where I couldn't afford a hand job, and now look at you. Remember I would go out there with you and Rogan? I'd stand there because I didn't have 20 bucks for a hand job.

I'd just stand there, and look at your records. How you doing, bro? You got the tentations. Papa was a Rolling Stone. And now you're, you're, you know, you're the elite of the elite. Every day I got to answer a question about you.

Every fucking day, I answer an Eddie Bravo question. Every fucking day. That's crazy. Every day I answer an Eddie Bravo question. You know, it used to be Joe Rogan questions. Are they bringing back Fear Factor? you know, is he really, did he really kill a mountain lion? But now it's all you, the last, especially since Meta Morris.

I always get something about Eddie Bravo at some point in a day, and it makes me laugh. So I wish you luck, Eddie. With everything, I will be there Sunday with Bells-on. I will not be competing, so tell him I will not be competing. But Joe Jiu-Jitsu will make a fucking appearance on Sunday. We'll be there. Sober. No refa.

How the fuck is that? Thank you very much, man. Eddie Bravo, how the fuck is that? I went to prison. I was in a halfway house. When I was in the halfway house, I gave him two hot UAs for cocaine. They put me in an outpatient rehab. I went for three weeks.

I was married. I'd been arrested. Half my life, nobody could stop me from smoking reefer. I went to Jiu-Jitsu for seven months, and I decided I had to stop smoking riper. because I couldn't wrestle with people. What does that tell you about something? I'll leave you with that, just to let you know

how much it's changed me in so many ways. So thank you for showing me, Jiu-Jitsu, brother. I love you to death. Thank you for having me, man. And I'll talk to you later, my friend. Have a great day. Thank you for calling. Okay, bye. There you have it, you're dirty bitches. If you're not doing

nothing on Sunday and you're in the Valley or something, let's all meet over at Eddie's Place. About five. Let's go support his first event, I'm sure. A lot of the brothers, they're going to be down there and try to get Ari and all of us to go down there with some fucking 10 planet shirts and jump up and down. It's always a great thing to see one of your brothers going for one of their dreams, you know. And if you know anything about Eddie, this is one of his fucking dreams. So let's go down to put it together. What, cock's suck that?

That's pretty hysterical. You went to the strip club and you couldn't afford a hand job. I just sit there, whoop around at the whistle, looking at the albums, looking at, oh man, that's nice furniture. Speaking of albums, I don't think I told you, when I went down to Steve Simone, you know, his buddy Ryan, who owns the burrito place? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's told me about it a couple times. Yeah, he, I think he probably met you at the store once. But on one of Steve's podcasts, we were talking about how my dad and I would always quote Bill Cosby himself, that album. So he bought me the vinyl, he bought me the vinyl version of it.

So now I have like a vinyl version of that Bill Cosby album in my house. What are you going to do? I have to buy, I have to find a record player. I don't have one. I don't even know where to look for one, but I would just, hearing albums like, oh shit. So, thank you. You better buy a fucking record player.

That's good. You're getting into something, Coxucker. I love you. Let me give some shout-outs to some beautiful fucking people, all right? Are you stoned? If you want to. Sure. Kirby McKenzie. You know, I love you.

He does. He does. He's a good guy. I do. I do love Kirby McKinzer. I do. Shut the fuck up, Cucksuck. I'll stab you with this e-pensel.

D. Gus, six ounces, I love you. Rob Johnston, I love you too. Nikki Pompah, what's the story? Jessica S., get it together. Bill Man for Rest, I love you too. And Aunt L.A. You're always a bad motherfucker. Always supporting the fucking cause.

I don't know if you guys follow UFC or you give a fuck. Robbie Lawler versus Matt Brown was announced yesterday. Yeah, break this down. Because Sacramento. We've had Matt Brown for a while. But when you came in, you were like, that's basically like Adila versus King Kong. Robbie Lola just beat up fucking Jake Ellenberger the other day. Poor Jake Ellenberger.

I'm a fan of Jake's. I know he's a fan of the fucking podcast, but once I saw him doing the Anthony Robbins thing, talking to himself in the cage, I knew the confidence was low, and Robbie Lola read that also and just started attacking him with high kicks and whatnot. Robbie Lola is a fucking brawler.

Robbie Lola is a guy that's been around the game since he was a kid. Oh, I recognize this guy. Yeah, and he's putting it all together now. All the stars are aligned. He lost to Hendrix in the championship, the five-rounder. Some people felt he won. I felt Hendricks squeaked it out. You know, who the fuck am I?

I'm not a judge. But I also know he comes to Brawl. Matt Brown, the other end, has been a fucking monster. Yeah, Matt Brown just killed that kind. Eric Silver. Eric Silver is still in the fucking, you know, still shaking his head going, what's wrong? You know, but Eric Silver, don't get me wrong.

That was a hell of a fight if anybody watched it. And I know today's a UFC-based fucking card, but what the fuck we're just talking about getting healthy and getting in shape. So that got an ounce yesterday for Sacramento, July 26th. I'm fucking very excited about that. That's a great fucking car. Let me talk about On it real quick here. I'm back on the strong bone because my knee is hurting,

so I'm doing some surgery, July, at the end of July. I'm going to go strong until fucking July with the knee. He wanted to give me a quarterstone shot yesterday, but I said no. He's going to shoot my leg with some... cartilage healer to start working on the cartilage, but he still has to go in there and clean out the... the whatever the fuck you call it, the arthritis, whatever fuck you call it.

So I've been taking the strong bone again. Listen, man, for all your fucking needs, for supplement needs, I'm not kidding you. Everybody else is fucking outdated. Whether it's the Shroom Tech Sport, the Shroom Tech immune, the digest enzymes they got now. You know what? On it is getting better every fucking day with their products.

I mean, just Alphabre. alone I feel fucking tremendous go to honor dot com see what they got see if there's anything you like anything that war they have a money back guarantee on their fucking products go to the joey deers dot net go see what my tour dates are from coming to your hometown with t-shirts whatever the fuck you want to buy a geepadge whatever the fuck you want to buy while you're looking at that look at the honor box press the word in church church church c h u r c hr press the code in church get 10% off go look and see what honor has for you they got something it's working for me the alphabet I'm not telling you everything works for me

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about this if it wasn't working for you maybe you're thinking of starting a program maybe you're already starting a program you need a little extra zip just give one one little thing of shroom tech sport you're not going to you're going to feel fucking great when you're working out you're going to go wow yesterday i ran two miles today i ran three miles go to honor dot com Also, to one of my favorite fucking people in the world, because I can't tell you how much I save you if you go through these people. That dollar shave club. You're a man. You got a wife.

She shaves her pussy. You want to shave your asshole. They got everything for you for that. Why are you spending $22 for raises every month? Why are you going to some fucking place and waiting online? Why? Why? You fucking live off your time.

I don't know how much time you got left. Get them mail to your house. Amazon does a fucking great job. I don't even know if they use Amazon. I'm just telling you that they mail the fucking raise. They have three different programs. We got $1, $6, and $9. You get four fucking sets of blade

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You don't want to smell like a mama luca de yea. So you got to fucking wipe your nuts, all right? Also, nutrition at its best, naturebox.com. Nutrition snacks at their best. Naturebox.com. I can't say it enough. Naturebox.com has blown me away. Whether it's the cocoa almonds, the spicy petachios, the sesame sticks,

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50%, I'm giving you half off the first order. I always take care of you, motherfuckers. You understand me? Value is what? I'm trying to save you some fucking Getus here. Nobody ever saves you Getus. We're holding about money. $1, $6, and $9 for the raises.

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You don't got to go nowhere and get snacks. Also, again, congratulations. They just had a baby, nailed it like Peter, and my man, David, I love you guys to die. They're not together. I'm just saying, you know, the company, but one guy's the uncle, one guy's the dad. I love their nailed it life.

I have their vapor pen at the house. It's tougher than fucking death. You could put wax in there or a fucking oil. You can put gasoline. You can put whatever fuck you want in their fucking pen. You understand me? That's how good fucking their pen. is go to nailed at life.com

tell them Joey Diaz in the fucking box and get 10% off, 20% off the first order. They also have Gumi and Miles. They don't ship to everywhere but talk to them about it. Naileditlife.com. I love these guys. They're family friends from West New York, New Jersey. What up, cuck, sucker? You get emotional when you're talking about

my defense. I got emotional about all this shit because I love these people fucking reach out and they also give you guys a deal and that's very important to me. Yeah. You know you guys know how I know how how I know Nature Box is good because every time someone said something Joey always gives me

I haven't seen Nature Box in fucking seven months. I got like a bag at the house for you. You're always like head so good I got something at the house for you. Every next time I see dog, those Cocoa Wormons those Cocoa Womans that they didn't make a talk. I was like, alright. One time they sent me two bags of

cocoa almonds I'm like, I'm going to save him for Lee. That was the longest second week in my life. I was telling me something happened the young night. It was really interesting to me. I was watching a TV show. It doesn't matter what show of this guys. But it's a show that you motherfuckers don't shut the fuck up about.

Real housewives of orange county. This vapor pen is delicious. I think this is OG. They might close. No organic is closing. Why? Because it's the government or? They sent the letter to the landlord.

The landlord's fucking shaking this tract. They're going to blow the place up. So no organic might close for a. few months it's killing me it's a pain in my fucking ass you know it's one of the best fucking weed stores out there no-horganic they got some fucking weed now that killed fucking jesus i'm telling you i'm telling you right now they got to a PR over there that's so fucking strong i took one hit off a bung and went to burke crisis barbecue i couldn't stop eating hot dogs i couldn't stop they were following me they were chasing me the fucking

hot dogs they were talking to me one fucking bunged it of the PR and I smoked that shit with Doug Benson in Texas, nothing happened. I think I did a pipe pit here the one night of the candy, whatever, that didn't do nothing to me. The PR right now is no whole organic. I'm Burbank who fucking set you back to read days. It's like, fucking, we're going to wake up like, what's that dude that woke up with a beard? Humple-dinck.

What's his name? The dude who went to sleep for 20 years and he woke up with a beard and dirty feet. I have no idea. I don't fucking know either. Humple-dink or something like that. That's what happened to you. But it's really funny. I was at home the other night.

and the show was on. They had two or three episodes of the show. It's a half-hour comedy. And I'm sitting there, and, listen, it doesn't matter what show it is. It's the point I'm trying to make it. I'm watching the show, and I'm sitting there 15 minutes, and this show's killing me.

But then my wife comes in, and I go, I want my wife to watch what I'm watching. So we finish watching the show. We're watching them. We watch another episode that they play of this show. That's like 15 minutes. My wife looks at me. She goes, why are we watching this?

Now, guys, I'm a fucking idiot. I'm a savage you know I'm not all there but my wife is white raised with a great family Tennessee you know she don't drink none of that shit she's watching the show she turns over to me she goes this show is fucking terrible

this show was fucking terrible and I'm like God everybody who talked to says this show is fucking great I watched it last year a couple episodes I think it's okay it's entertaining at its best of the four but this show once it gets off the air Nobody will ever watch this shit again.

And it's amazing that you talk to people, and this is the thing. So I call it Lee right away. And I go, Lee, I just watch that show. How bad is that show? He's like, ah, ah, ah. You know, whatever fuck you told me, it's the cool thing to watch, you said. You know, guys, when does it end? When does it fucking end?

When is something? You know what's like, we went to Texas, and we end the barbecue, and you got to wait on line for three hours. That ain't cool. That's what people waiting on wanting to be fucking cool. So they can go tell somebody. what the fuck they did. Well, I waited on line for three hours.

Since one is waiting on line being cool. It's like these idiots that put those glasses on, and they sit there. Like, I have glasses on. Really? You think you're fucking cool because you got fake $200 on the glasses on? It makes you look what?

People are going to think you're fucking smarter because you've got glasses on? We live in fucked up times. You know what I do a podcast twice a week? It is what the fuck it is. At the end of the day, it's a fat fuck that went to prison with a fucking Jew talking stupidity,

Okay? If you want to listen to it, you listen to it. Okay? If not, don't listen to it. If you don't like what I'm trying to say, don't listen to it. But I don't ever want you to be, hang out with me or do this because it's a cool thing to do. That's a shitty fucking way to live. I guess that's what society is about. I don't know when I was a kid. Next to the Benders, there was a house that had Richie Seidel.

Remember we talked about this before. Little Richie, there was a chance that day that talked about seeing me get stabbed that time and that was crazy. He was a little boy. and he had a sister and every Friday and Saturday his parents would play cards his father owned Chickadee chicken place

it's like a chicken to life for white people chickadee and and every Friday and Saturday his mom and dad would play cards and they would have a different high school babysitter and the whole neighborhood knew about it

so your goal was to go over there and fuck the babysitter I was always friends with the babysitter so I would go over there and watch Richie's kids with whatever chick you know nine or ten I didn't try to fuck nobody they were just friends But the point being, I would go over there for the latter night of Saturday night.

And I remember being a kid in the seventh and eighth grade, and everybody talking about Saturday Night Live. I was going to die a laugh at that. I would watch Saturday Night Live, and I'd tell you what, nothing would happen to me. Samurai Night fever. And I'd sit there and go, this is okay at its best. I'm a honeymoon type of motherfucker.

I'm an odd couple type of motherfucker. I'm a sampling son. Red Fox was funny on Sampling Sun. This is atrocious. Or at least it wasn't as funny to me as everybody said it was. Oh, my God, you got to watch it. And I knew people who missed their Saturday nights

to go home and watch Saturday Night Live. And I would go, oh, my fucking God. Oh, my fucking God, that a young man would stay home on a Saturday to watch that shit. I could see if you were sick or somebody died in your house and that was the only thing that was on TV.

But for you to run home to watch Saturday Night Live, I couldn't fucking think about it. I never watched it again. And I learned something that. But it wasn't that. I remember I was telling him to Lee the story. When I was a kid, I used to go to every concert at the Garden, the Palladium, the Ritz. If there was a fucking concert in New York, I was there as a high school.

And we went over and we stub tickets or we fucking rob somebody, and we sold the jewelry to get tickets to go to these shows. But there was this rich kid, and his name was Otto Sawa. He was his little German kid. Otto was a fucking nerd in today's standards. Nice kid. I liked him. I had nothing against Otto.

He got high. But Otto overcompensated. He tried really hard to be fucking cool. even though he was a fucking nerd. Whatever you guys call a nerd now today, a fucking hipster or a dork, whatever the fucking guy's name. Otto was all right.

He wouldn't hurt himself. He had no malintentioned. But if there was a concert, we were there, and Otto was there with his boys. And I would go to school the next day, and I would be, you know, we all were pot-heads. So I would listen to Otto tell stories about the concert night before,

how the concert was great. And some concerts we went to were fucking great. I saw some great concerts growing up. You know, the music was great, the sound was great. I saw New Barbarians with Keith Richards. You know, I saw some unique concerts growing up. And there was concerts that just blew.

You know, Black Sabbath with Van Halen, Blue. Black Sabbath just blew. You know, the cars at Central Park, I went to see, and they just blew. There's some shows that, you know, I fucking suck. If you go see me 10 nights in a row, I'm not going to be great 10 nights in a row. Three of those nights I'm going to suck. It's just the way life is. Maybe the audience is too tight.

Maybe I got into a fight with my wife. Maybe somebody's sick in my family. Maybe the fuck the flying Jew ain't getting high. Wake up, cuck, sucker. Something's going on. You cannot be 100% every night. And you go out there, and every time we went to a concert, I'd always hear Otto talk about how good the concert was.

But one day we went to see somebody in Jersey, and the concert blew. The concert blew so much, and even the kids I went, we were like, that sucked. And the next day, I saw Otto with his concert t-shirt on, because God forbid people didn't know he'd go to a concert night before. You know, if he went to a show, everybody had to know the next day. He had to put the concert t-shirt on. And I remember him being 10 feet away. He didn't know I was there, and he was telling the story about the concert last night.

He was awesome. And all these gawkers were there like, really? You want you so lucky. And I finally, finally had to go, I don't know, not for nothing. Me and these eight guerrillas were at that concert last night. And it fucking sucked. The singer, oh, no. And then after 10 minutes, he goes, yeah, you're right.

So then why did you tell these guys it was good? To be fucking cool that everything is not everything is good. And in this country we've learned that every day, oh my God, it was just, no, be honest. Be fucking honest. You're going to hang with somebody or do something because they're fucking cool? Give me a fucking break. Give me a fucking break. You're going to speak for yourself.

You got to have your own fucking voice, man. If something sucks like the church, Joey, the church sucks. You know what? I won't be mad at you. I'd rather you say that than fucking tell me some bullshit. right or wrong? Why are you lying to yourself, America? Why the fuck are you lying to these people?

The show sucks. Why are you sitting there saying it's brilliant? Because your ten dumb friends are saying it's brilliant, these fucking dummies that have no voice, that'll never speak out something for themselves. It's always that everybody fucking else likes. That's why I can't stand going to Hollywood. I was in Hollywood yesterday.

I made the left turn on Fairfast. I see 15 people waiting in front of the fucking griddle. Let me tell you something. There's nothing I want to do more than make a U-turn and run over those 15 people because they're dead anyway. They're dead anyway. 15 people waiting for eggs to be cool

because Lindsay Lohan ate there one time before court. But down the block there's an egg joint, and it was empty. I pulled in and got a turkey fucking bagel, a bagel on poppy seed with turkey. You understand me? So what fucking price do you pay to be cool? Jesus Christ, to wait online, that's fucking cool, so you can tell your fucking friends,

those fucking dead beats that you did that? The fuck is wrong with you. The fuck is wrong with you. Anyway, we're at the ice house tonight, 8 o'clock. Tomorrow and I'm at San Diego's at Harris. And next week, we're at the motherfucking wise guys in Utah. Myself and my main man, Duncan, Bugaloo, Trussell. What are you going to fucking do with your life?

That's it. That's the church today, in a fucking nutshell, whether you like it or not, cock suckers. What, Lee? What do you got to tell me? Nothing. It is crazy. It's, I think what it is, is,

No one really has any real conversations anymore, and then at work, if everyone's talking about, let's just say the show is the Big Bang theory. If everyone was talking about that, and then you're the one asshole who doesn't like it, then you have nothing to talk about them with, so that's why I think a lot of people watch shows like that, just to fit in and have something to talk about. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, you've got to have your soul at the end of the fucking day. How are you not going to have your fucking soul?

I never understood that. I never fucking understood how you. wanted to be a part of something just to be cool you know I smoke fucking pot I've been smoking pot now am I proud of it no but that just goes to show you when I fucking started smoking pot of 14 I didn't do it to be cool I did it because I needed to fucking help I need I'm an insecure fuck what are you gonna do but I know that going in I don't smoke pop you've never seen a t-shirt on me with a leaf have you have you ever seen me with a high times or 420 you ever seen me fucking do that no I'm sure them your tattoo on the fucking tattoo of a fucking one

I'm gonna put a tattoo of a fucking pop plant on me. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. What's wrong with these fucking people? You don't see high times on my wall, do you? You don't see your shirt with a... It's 420. Get the fuck.

I lived on... I didn't hear about 420 until I moved to L.A. Did you know that? Really? I thought 420 was every minute of the fucking day, you fucking morons. It's 20. It's 20. But meanwhile, your wife is sucking somebody else's dick.

But you're worried about 420. fucking morons, fucking momos. Look at me with a pot plant on my shirt. So people know I smoke fucking pot. What's the matter with you? High Times. I never bought a fucking high times. I didn't know what high times was

so somebody fucking sent me an email years ago, write an article, whatever, but the first time you smoked high times. A poster of a fucking butt. I smoked that fucking butt. You're going to put a poster up a reef on your fucking wall like your tent. The fuck is wrong with people.

the fuck is wrong with people have your own fucking identity don't surround your identity because reefer or what the fuck is wrong with you fucking momos then you wonder why you get bullied why your kids get bullied because you're a fucking momo what what what lee I love it I just can't wait until some some poor guy walks up tonight with a wheat t-shirt

I smoke weed look at me get the fuck out of my fare I smoke weed at 7am morning over here puffing fucking gorilla biscuits Look at the old podcast. We'd smoke fucking three joints, me and Lee, from six to fucking eight o'clock. Meanwhile, you got a shirt. I'm going to the pot convention this week. What the fuck is wrong with you? Part convention.

Anyway. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Go out there. You got dreams. Go fucking do them, cock, sucker. Nobody's going to hand your dick in this fucking life. Wash your pussy. Salute the flag.

Do what you need to do. You're a fucking American. Get up. Stop your fucking whining. And stop being a fucking follower. all your fucking life, okay? It's your fucking life. You're gonna be a follower

like Dave Koresh. Get the fuck out of here. Nobody controls you, motherfucker. You control yourself. Tell all these motherfuckers to suck your dick. Have a beautiful day. The church of what's happening now,

motherfuckers. Now that the show's over... The show ain't over. We're just over for now. Now that the show's taking a quick break, don't forget to sign up for Dollar Shaveclub.com. Get high quality raises

to send to your door every month for a fraction of what you've been to retail. You stuttering for it for them. Because you're, I'm trying to read this here. Now go to dollar-shapeclub.com forward slash church or just go to joadias.net and click on the dollar-shaven club banner. This show is also sponsored by naturebox.com. Order great tasting, healthy snacks at 50% off. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and baked sweet potato fries.

Support this podcast and get 50% off for your first order. Go to naturebox.com. promo code Joey NatureBox.com, promo code Joey. And again, to Nail thatLife.com, go there for the premier vapor pen on the market, mention Joey Diaz and get 20% on. 20% off.

Have a great week, cock suckers. Don't let nobody kid you. Don't be a sheep. There you go. One of the greatest stories ever fucking told the rooster. Allison Chains. One of my all-time favorites.

When I hear this, I want to get a bayonet and stab you right in the fucking eyeball. Fuck them. Here comes the motherfucking rooster, bitch. Just the bayonet, you don't want to... You have to put that on the gun. A bayonet, a fucking ex.

Oh shit. Listen to this shit. This is fucking brilliant. It's on a Wednesday morning. Where are you going to get this broken down like this, huh? You could hear the heroin in this, the fucking pain. He just took the needle out of his fucking arm, and he's ready to rock. You understand me?

He washed his mouth. He took a sip from his fucking water, and it's over. What? Ain't find a way to kill me yet. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? I get goosebumps. I want to fucking just get up and go to an audition and throw the bitch out the window.

Oh shit. Why I think kids? What? Kick that motherfucker Lee. What? From somewhere. Here he comes, motherfucker. This is you.

The fucking rooster. You ain't taking shit today. Today, maybe tomorrow. There you go, the fucking rooster. Ah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Here we go, motherfucker.

Kick that shit leave. Have a great day. We love you, cock suckers. Here! What? Oh, in fucking nowhere, cocksuckers. The church. Have a good day.

Stay black.