The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #182 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Wednesday, July 20th…. This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by The Freeze Pipe & CBD Lion.…. Freeze Pipe Support the show and get 10% off with the code JOEY at https://TheFreezepipe.com CBD Lion Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #CBDLion #TheFreezePipe The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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Pressing Code Joey a joint to get 20% off. Now without further ado, let's get to some fucking talking. It's 1993 and this motherfucker today. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. The 18th and the 20th the fucking July. Jesus Christ, this shit is moving right to fuck alone, man. It's crazy.

If it's the 20th today, tomorrow, it's 40 years that I fucking, bang this girl that told me I would never bang her. It took me three years to get in her pants, but I fucking did it. We're still friends. We talk from time to time. She's a friend of mine on Facebook. But I love all that shit. When somebody tells you, you can't fucking do it.

She's like, it's never going to happen. Don't even ask me out. She told me that like sophomore year. I'm like, I'm going to make a mental fucking note about that. And I worked her like a fucking, you know, brought a chocolate and walked her home. I did all that faggy shit. You do what you got to do. You understand me?

don't like porn, you got to do what you do to fucking get that monkey from time to time. Three years to get that fucking monkey. That's persistent. You understand me? And at the time, I wasn't even intersex. Like, I was too young. I was doing coke and shit. You know, but don't ever tell me it's not going to fucking happen.

Anyway, it's crazy because that's the worst thing for people. When you tell somebody they're not going to do it, like, that's my last resort with people. If somebody's having a problem or something and they're, like listen to the, you know, just fucking, uh, either do it or fucking don't. You have to have that little chit-chat with them from time to time, and it sucks. But anyway, I was thinking about 1990 fucking three. You know, I'm looking through this book now. We're going through chapters just to see what the fuck is going on if everything fits and shit.

Every morning we're having like a little conference call to go over the chapters. The next month is legal. So in August, I start the legal portion of the book. where we hop on the phone with fucking lawyers and shit and they tell us what I can't and can put in the fucking book. And it's crazy because I put some stories in there. Guys, I told you that, I told you guys early on that I have a thousand stories. You know, I got a thousand stories.

If I sit and think and somebody brings something up, I could think of the fucking story. You know, I'll make a few calls to verify it, but I have a thousand stories. But I also have 10,000 stories that I can't say. say. I can't say because it'll implicate somebody else. I can't say because maybe I was scared to, you know, tell people the facts, you know, about what happened at that time. I was always scared to tell anybody of what were really happened in 1993 when I came back here. I've always been, and since you guys are podcast followers and stuff and you've been around for a while, I'm going to tell you a couple of these fucking things because I'm not really proud of this. But the

The moral of the story is, I can't believe that I was doing comedy and making Hedgeway while I was doing these fucking living this fucking crazy life. I mean, my nine months that I spent in New Jersey in 93 after I got divorced, really fucking, it brought me home. Like, I hadn't been home since like 85. It leveled me. It brought me back my mind of being a North Bergen guy, you know, how we work, how we operate. but it also got everything, like when I came back in 93, I hooked up with some old friends. If you think I was crazy at that fucking time,

these guys had been, like, the shit I stopped and I went to prison, these guys kept going. And they let normal lies, but once a week they did a hit or they did like fucking they robbed the truck or they helped somebody on love. They always did something on the up and up. I had a handful of these guys, but there was one guy in particular

that I knew, since the eighth grade and he took to me when I got older we were both fucking junkies you know I loved them with all my heart he fucking loved me and in 93 we had had ups and downs over the year

but 93 when I came back he was getting married and I told him I was doing comedy we had reconnected after I don't know six years and not speaking and he's like you're really going to do comedy and you know like when everybody in the world tells you're crazy for picking something

like this guy was the craziest guy I knew. Like he was out there as a human being, as a criminal. He was a fucking sweetheart in real life, but he'd eat your fucking lunch. And he'd take your fucking lunch. You know, yesterday I was at the park watching one of my Jimmy Florentine's son was playing basketball. So I went down there at 530 Monday night and then we were going to go to Austria for hamburger for cheeseburger night. So I went down there and there was these dudes on the court about like 18. They were like 18 year old seniors, you know. And if there was six of them, four of them were steroid at. And then the coach said, listen, it's really hot on this court. Can we play on

this court? And the six dudes are like, yeah, whatever, you know, whoop, do it do it. They were agreeing to it, but they were kind of being dickish about it. Like, how old are these kids? Like, during the fifth grade, cool, like, you know, they were trying to be nice. And I watched them, I was watching the game. I'm sitting there. I was watching the game. I'm sitting next. to my wife, I'm talking to fucking parents, and I'm watching these five kids, and I go, wow, if I was 18 and I came down here, when I was 18 with Mike Runny, my brother,

and this guy, Darren Rago, they would fucking roll those guys. Like, I'm telling you, they would beat them up and take their shit and then send them home. The six kids could have surrounded those two monsters. They would have cleaned their fucking clock, taking them. And I told my wife,

my wife's like, those kids are fucking annoying. And I'm like, you know what's crazy? I wish you would have seen my brother, Mike, and Darren Rago. They would have came down here. They would have taken those kids apart. It's a different world. I go, those kids are popular, they're good looking and shit, and they're all steroid out, but I can tell you,

they got no fucking heart. My friends would come down here, beat them to death, and take their shit. And sure enough, and I go, you know why they have no heart? Because they're spoiled. They're spoiled kids. They don't know anything about it. You could see them giggling like fucking faggots.

Ha ha, ha, ha, ha, with no shirts on, six of them. And I'm like, my friends would have fucking taken everything from them. And my wife tapped me on the shoulders that were leaving. She goes, you're right. Look at that. That's an $80,000 truck. How do I know? Because my brother's got one.

The kids were in high school driving an $8,000 truck. And I'll tell you something else. My brother, Mike Ronnie, would have taken that too. That, and I wish. I wish I was fucking lying to you guys You know When I went back to North Bergen I had some sweetheart friends

I had some friends that made me laugh I had friends that fucking You know Help me get high Nobody ever had to help me get high But you know what I'm saying Like we'd mix forces to get high And then they go their way

And I go my way And by the time 1993 came I didn't I had lost contact With like Darren Mike Ronnie I always speak Once a week Twice a week week but uh i lost contact with darren so when he came up to when i told him i was doing comedy

and what my i was getting divorced i got divorce i had no money and i'm broke i got nothing you know i could be that honest with this kid and he's like dog if you're doing comedy you put your heart into it i'll do whatever you need i'll ride you i'll give you money and i was like wow out of all the fucking people i think would support me this guy and i got to be honest i'm I'm exaggerating a little bit because in 93 when I came back, I had to the show at Romano's, and my fucking friends came, and I just showed up up there. I didn't have a show. There was a show at the bar called Romano's.

And my friends said, let's go up there and see what it's about. Maybe they'll put you on stage. And I went down and I met Gonzo, good guy, Bob Gonzo. This is 1993. Gonzo's still doing comedy rooms in New Jersey. I see him on Facebook all the time. I walk in, I go, Gonzo McCormick. I'm doing comedy.

like two years. I want to know. I don't even want to go out. I just want to let you know I'm available. And if I could ever come and do a free set, you know, that's what you do when you're a comic. And this is right in my hometown, and a little town called Guttenberg within North Bergen.

And he goes, thank you for introducing yourself. Liquid IV, it's a hot fucking day. Thank you for introducing yourself. Yeah, give me your number and I'll call you. That was about, like, in the beginning of the show. Midway in the show, he came up to me. He goes, Doug. I'm going to have to put you on stage because your friends threaten me.

I go, what? He goes, that little guy over there, he fucking threatened me. He's talking about that. He goes, he told me to put you up on stage. I don't want no problem with these guys. I'll put you up. And I went up on stage and my friends wouldn't fucking ape shit. They were clapping, yelling, and shit, drinking, snort, and blow.

It was fucking nuts. And that night, a couple of them were like, Cocoa were fucking happy you're doing this, man. Keep doing it. I sucked. I sucked. I just talked about my friend. I talked about North Bergen and about my friends, but I, that night I got some support. And then Darren was like, I'm all over.

Call me when you want to do spots in the city, blah, blah, blah. At that time, there was like bananas, rascals north, rascals south. I wasn't good enough to play in any of these clubs. The stress factory, I was still like an open mic trying to find my way around. I got a job driving limos, and over time I just put a schedule together. And I would go out at night and do stand-up spots in New York. I sucked. That's how I met Michael Bouchetti.

That's how I would go to the old triple in. It was a rough fucking time, guys. I could sit here and lie to you. It was rough. When you're doing open mics, it's fucking rough. And I'm working, and I'm going through war with my ex-wife, and I'm fighting with my wife over the kid. But I'm a fucking open micer.

Now, let's just take that. I'm an open mic. Most open micers are young guys. They have a day job. Maybe they got a girlfriend. Maybe they're married. They got no fucking drama. At the open mics, every once in a while a guy comes in.

He got beat up by his wife. You know, in Seattle, that open mic, every week somebody came in with something. Comic came in one night holding his stomach. His wife stabbed them. No, no, no, no. Comedy open mics, you don't know what the fuck I expect, you know? I was getting tortured at these fucking places. Like, and you got to keep your mouth shut.

You know, people have, when you're on the bottom of the fucking, when people are shitting on you, you got to keep your mouth shut, you know. I had a couple situations where I had to say things to people. One guy stole my joke. I had to fucking push him. You know, shit like that, stupid stuff. But that was, looking back at that time, when I was reading this chapter last night of what my day was like, guys, I would have to take the 7 a.m. bus, so I wouldn't have to pay to get into the city.

Like, I had my friend's father drove a bus, and he told me, if you get on the bus, in fact, it was Darren's father. He goes, if you get on my bus, I'll never charge. Just sit next to me. So I would make sure I was saving $3. When you're fucking saving $3, you're fucking broke. Like you're fucking broke. That $3 was for a muffin and a fucking orange juice that poured authority. And then I would go to work and then I would fucking change.

And it was nonstop grinding. But I was making a little bit of money. And then I told some of my friends I needed to make some money. And they gave me different scams. I had my buddy Loubs hit me with a fucking ID scam. And I was picking up two, three thousand dollars here and there. I was delivering sandwiches. I was selling cars.

I was driving a limo. I was fucking old. What do they call that shit when you're over maxed at the checking account? What do they say? You're overextended on your, I was overextended in my fucking life. But that's what it means to be an open micer. And that's what it means to be young. You have all this time, no responsibility.

You got to fill up your fucking schedule. There's no time to watch TV and sit around. You're fucking free. You have nothing, you know. And it was so weird because when I got into comedy, I was married and I had this fucking regiment. And I'm like, how am I going to do comedy? And then one day the God blessed me and he made my ex-wife dump me. And I was like, because I was a fucking stiff.

And I never forget that. She dumped me. I'm going, thank God. Now I could do comedy. Like it was the most bittersweet fucking thing that ever. happened to me like I'm leaving you but at the same time hey now you could do comedy which is what you really fucking wanted to do anyway so but when I asked my friends if I wanted to make money one friend approached me he's like man I got a way to make a ton of fucking money in fact we're

reminding me of all this was two days ago it was one of these guys birthdays that my friend wanted me to rob he's he's out of the drug business and shit he's old now my friend kept saying he had a suitcase or $50,000 in it. All we had to was break his window and grab the suitcase and shit, but one of my other friends beat me to it, but the guy stole the wrong suitcase with like $2,000 in it.

So trust me, I'm from a fucking family of not good criminals, but I didn't, you know, I had just come out of jail. I was at war with my ex-wife, anything. Like if I got arrested for fucking anything, it would have set me back 20 fucking years And, you know, I was set back anyway. There wasn't a major difference.

But at that time, I really fucking walked on my peas and cues because any police contact, she was going to take that to the courts and fucking rape me with it. So I was playing my peas and cues. That's why I was delivering sandwiches. The only thing I was doing illegal those days was snorting coke and buying coke. That's it. I was buying coke for me and snorting coke. That's okay.

She knew I got high. She didn't know the extent of it. But I wasn't doing anything. And then as I got the, listen, I'm a walking felony. I do a felony every day and I don't even know I'm fucking doing it. Whether it's cut off a mailman, you're always doing something that ain't fucking right. In my world, I'm always doing something that ain't right. Every day I committed a felony when I was a fucking kid, robbery, whatever.

So I didn't want to get in trouble. So these guys kept asking me, you know, do you want to do? And I tried going straight guys. And it worked for a few months, it worked. But it's a lot of fucking work going. straight, especially when you have no education, you're fucking a lot like I was, you know, you're going to always find a job, but while they're going to pay you, fuck no. If I was making $3,000 a month in those days, and that was paying child support,

helping George's grandmother pay the rent a little bit, buy some groceries, and the rest went to stupidity, my cocaine use and whatever the fuck else I was doing. So I was putting away a little money. I was paying child support I was sending gifts home I was buying some clothes from time to time thank God cocaine was 35 a fucking gram it was 35 a gram

it was 25 a gram 35 if you wanted it uncut are you kidding me I was going over there every day for fucking two grams like nothing so finally in July I'm like I gotta figure something out you know I don't you know

I didn't want to be a criminal I'm on this is what I say to you guys. There's nobody better in any industry that tried to clean himself up more than me a thousand times. When this book comes out, you're going to be dizzy by how many times I started over. Like, I just couldn't get it right. I could not get it right for the fucking life of me. And finally one day in July, my friend goes, listen, man, I got a friend. He gets badges and shirts from an agency.

He knows people and you could help us flip some drug dealers. And I'm like, God. And what does this entail? Well, we kick down the door. We neutralize everybody. We pull out our badges. We fucking handcuff some of them. You put ties on some of them.

You might have to hit somebody in their head with a gun to get their attention. And then we rob him. He goes, all the fucking hits are pre-planned. Everybody knows what's going down. You know, we get our information from these cops, and we give them 25% of these fucking score. And I'm like, this isn't fucking happening to me. This is not fucking happening to me.

I am not getting an approach with drug deals. But guys, I had to do what I had to do. That could be a movie itself. Oh, my God. Guys, you have no fucking idea. And so I would meet these guys like once a week and we would do creepy fucking things. We would go to fucking Harlem and follow drug dealers

and pull them over. And, you know, it was the first, I think I made like a, I made like, nine grand the first time I did something with them and I paid my attorney off and I bought some clothes I bought sneakers I bought socks I mean that's how fucking poor I was I don't want you to think I was rocking and rolling and I would resign to fucking do crimes I was not rocking and rowing I was fighting for every

fucking dime I had I was it was 14 inches every fucking day in my world and that 9000 caught me up with some child support caught me up with the attorney it gave me a little So guys, once you smell fucking blood, I don't have to tell you what happens. Once the Shark Day's blood, he's going to keep doing it. You know, and I quit my job delivering sandwiches, thank God, because it was in my hometown. So all these people that knew I was a loser, now had to see me into deli making sandwiches as a 32-year-old fucking man.

No, I was 30 at the time, 1993. I got out of there because that didn't make me feel right. But I started making little people who put me on their... on their shows now. I booked a private gig, which I bombed, and I ate a bag of dog shit. But I was making little strides with comedy.

I'd sign myself up with that money for a comedy class at the New York Comedy Club, the old one. So they came to me again. They go, do you want to do another one? And I was like, yeah. And this one was rough. We had to go into people's houses

and tie them up and hold them down. I'm not proud of these things, you know, because when I got out of the prison, I was like, I love doing those drug rips. I fucking love them. You don't know what it is to make your heartbeat like that. You know, I once watched the show about, like,

people who did comedy musicians, that the reason why they get addicted early on is because you get a certain high when you go up on stage. You get a certain high when you perform live. You got a certain high when you run, you know, there's run as high, there's all these highs, and you want to keep the party going. That's where the fucking addiction sets in.

At that time, I was totally gone, guys. Totally gone. I did Coke seven days a week. No reason to lie. 35 fucking dollars a gram or 25. You could always borrow 25 fucking dollars. So it was a mess. And not in the daytime, never in the daytime.

Always once I got home at night and I fuck. And that's when I started because I was living with George's grandmother. So I fucking couldn't bring beer in the house. You know, they would know that I was. So that's when I started snort with no alcohol and just getting high on cocaine, maybe do a fucking line of heroin from time to time. I mean, that's how crazy my life was in 1993.

So now, they come to me again. This time we do that fucking apartment in Harlem. No guns went off. No nothing went off. But I didn't like the way the guys we tied up were looking at me. Like they just weren't. I didn't like that feeling. When you tie somebody up, they look at you a weird fucking way, man.

And, you know, you duct tape their feet and shit, their legs, it's... It took me, it took me fucking, you know, it took me... And I had mentioned these stories from time to time, not the extent of them. I mean, you know, next time I do a thing with Sickler, I'll break down some of those drug rips that were just... I mean, guys, you go, Joey, out of fuck that you get killed. I have no idea. I have no fucking... I did. And that one, I got about 15 Gs and about an ounce of Coke. So that was pretty

fucking good. I paid more child support off. I paid the attorney off a little more. I gave some daughter-grandma. There was somebody who I lent money that lent me money that I had to pay them back like a large amount. Oh, Mike Runny's wife, God rest of us. So when I got into stand-up, she was one of a few people that fucking supported me. And she would give me a little envelopes on the side and she would always go I don't want you to be in the city without no money and I would say I'm putting it on the tab and I put it on the tab and I fucking paid it and uh anyway and then I was on my way I go I swear to God I'll never do one of these fucking things again I'm covered I'm up to date with everybody I can't fucking believe it part of the reason I didn't want to go back to

Colorado at that time was because I did all on child support but once the child support was paid. And I didn't know a lot. I owed like three months. I was buying like $900. But for me, $900 in those days was a lot of fucking money. So finally, like in August, I think it was August or maybe it was like August. And I got a job in Engelwood Cliffs selling cars up there at a Mazda deal.

It was like a Mazda BW store. It was a little peaceful. You know, listen, man, just having peace of mind at that time for a moment. month, that month of August was just peace of mind. Like I had nothing to worry about money. I kept my jobs. I kept doing fucking stand-up. I kept snort and coke, you know. And somewhere in the month of August, I go, you know what? My time in New Jersey is done. I bid a little bit more off that I chew. You know what I'm saying? I wasn't any trouble. Nobody was looking for me. I don't know if those creepy dudes that I tied up were looking for me all over Harlem.

But I was done. I was like, I want to go back. I figured out what I want to do with comedy, and I figured out what I don't want to do in my life. I had all this clarity now, you know. But believe it to Joey, my friends call me again, and they're like, we're going to do something this week. We got to line out of a guy, you know.

So one of the other guys, I don't know what was going on in his life. So it was just down to me and my buddy. and we followed a guy for a few days for a few nights. We would follow him like from, I don't know. My buddy had to rent the car. And you had to rent the car in those days, but he had to rent the car. It looked like a cop car. So he had rented the car.

Now in 91, oh my God, in 91, I came to Jersey for a week. I was still married and I rented a car. And they gave me one of those police cars. And I still remember Vivalry going to Harlem and going, hey, I need some Coke. And they're like, no. I remember going to Yankee Stadium the bike, drive my brother

and get crack. And he goes, you'll definitely sell your coke up there. I'll definitely get it for you. They sold him to crack. They would not sell me the fucking coke in this goddamn white, whatever. I don't even know. It was a big fucking car.

So we had to rent the car. He had a rent the car. I didn't have no credit cards that time. I don't even think I had a fucking license. He rented the car and fucking, we followed this guy for about two nights to about four in the morning. And then the third night,

we follow him in the daytime. He goes, we got to do something in the daytime with this guy because I want to see where he makes his deliveries to. This was supposedly a stash house that held the Coke, and then they would make different deliveries to spots in the city, in the Bronx and Queens, whatever.

So we followed the guy. He didn't have a nice car. It was like a beat-up Honda Civic or something. I think it was a Honda Civic. The hatchback, I don't know if you guys remember that. Old fucking car. And we followed him out of a hundred and 78th Street and he took the west side highway to go south like to go like time square 42nd

street whatever i don't know if he's going time square i'm just saying he they went south so he jumped on him we jumped on him as he made it was fucking like god interfered he he got on we had followed him but my man knew how to get on that uh spot of the bridge we didn't go on the bridge we got off the bridge We went on the 178 street, which is right behind Port Authority right there. We waited maybe, I don't know, a half hour, and then the guy took off. We're alive.

So we follow him, and at one point, we kind of lost him, but then we met up with him again. Like very, I wasn't chasing him. I was just sitting in the passing side, and this motherfucker looked, and he saw me, and he fucking stepped on it. I don't know what,

I don't know if I looked like a mobster character in 1993, this before the sopranos. I don't know what the fuck happened. And this guy shot. He shot so hard. He went on the motherfucking shoulder of the West Side Highway and then pulled over. He screezed his tires, stopped the car, and ran out of the fucking car. You guys, you can't write this.

You cannot write this fucking story. He just runs out of the car and starts jumping over the fucking West Side Highway. Cars are beeping at him and shit. He's running. Me and my boy just pull over. He goes to the driver's side. The fucking car was wide open. and he goes, it's getting the fucking car somewhere.

He popped the glove compartment. Nothing. And this, and the cars are driving by us on the west side highway. You do know this, right? Cars are fucking driving by. I'm over there waving boat for me. Finally fucking, finally fucking, we go on the trunk and there they are. Two nice fucking blocks.

We pulled them on on Broad Daylight. We put him in my boy's car. He gave me like 500 cash. And he goes, I'm going to go get rid of them. I'm going to go get rid of them and give you the balance tonight. I got to pay off. the cops and pay you off. And he came that night

to my house and gave me a nice chunk of money. And it was like fucking poetry in motion. I got the dough. I paid some out. I, uh, what I did. I bought some clothes, guys. My, I had one suit. I would wear the same suit every day.

I would have washed the shirt. I had one white shirt, guys. You want to talk about struggle? I had one white shirt, college shirt and I would have to take it off at night, fucking spray the collar, wash it by hand, dry it and then fucking iron it in the morning. I did that six days of fucking week with the same white shirt. By the time I got a new shirt five months later, there was such a fucking stain under here

between the Coke and the petroleum and the pollution in the air in New York City. It was God awful, guys. God awful. I remember that I took that money and I hit it and I started planning my fucking escape. from New Jersey. I sold the following Saturday. I sold a car to this fucking girl. That was beautiful.

She came in with this neblish fucking boyfriend. I thought she was beautiful. I didn't see them. I couldn't see these guys. I couldn't see the body on her with this kid. This kid didn't know how to fucking... Trust me. So when you sell somebody a car,

you got to call them to check in with them. You know, like, how's the car going? Do you need me to explain anything else about the warranty, whatever? And I started calling. started calling me in we hit it off and one day she told me she goes I'm thinking I'm moving to Colorado I'm like what

what are you saying I thought she like fucking read my cards or something I told her I had lived in Colorado I never told I was thinking of going back because I didn't know how long we were going to last I didn't want the girl to go well I don't want to date this guy she was nice I hadn't had a girlfriend in fucking

a year she didn't do drugs she was a drug counselor believe or not that's a fucking nightmare for a guy like me And everything was going great, and I went, and I took some of the money. I'll never forget this. My buddy, the criminal, invited me to a jet game. The Jets were playing the Philadelphia Eagles at Giant Stadium at the time, 93, September, October.

It had to be September. And I'll never forget that on the way done. And I'm the kiss of debt when it came to gambling for years because I didn't know what I was doing. And I fucking put like a thousand. $1,000 bet on the Jets getting one or something. Something weird though. And Randall Cunningham, the star quarterback of the fucking whatever got hurt. And the Jets ended up winning and ended up winning another $2,000 or something.

I'm like, you know what? I'm getting the fuck out of here. I'm taking my earnings and it's time to fucking go. When I read that fucking story the other day, when I was going through on the phone with Erica and fuck it. to book people I had to I don't know I had to go smoke pot

I think I even went ahead to sangria with my wife I was like what the fuck was that chapter about I just started thinking about and going how the fuck did I ever fucking survive

this fucking life I have no idea guys how the fuck did I go from there to go into the comedy store and to go on sets with people that are nice people nice human being you understand how much

insecurity I had for years like when people would invite me to their homes and shit I'm like don't these people know I'm going to rob them like I couldn't understand why people like me for years because when somebody did like me I can never understand when somebody opened their

trust to me I really couldn't understand I'm like the shit I did if these people would know it I still remember walking on the first set I ever walked on was basketball and I still remember fucking going they're going to a background check.

Like, it's just stupid. Like, how does Universal, Sony, these are multi-million dollar corporations, how are they not doing a background check on me before I come on this fucking set? They just took it for granted. Some lady called her and said she had a guy that she could read for that audition

and you just trust him, and he comes in one day, and you just put him on a set with millions of dollars in equipment and shit. I'm like, they're going to do a background check on. me. I worked no fucking problem. And I got other jobs.

I've been being on Mad TV for the first time. I'm going, Fox is definitely doing a background fucking check on me. Nope. It's just it just fucking was unbelievable when I started working. It took years for me

to shake that stigma. Like, you know how long it took me to tell these fucking stories? I met Rogan in 97. And I on the road. We were telling stories about bookmaking and mugging a fucking drug dealers and he goes, what are you going to tell these stories on stage? And I go, I'm never

telling those on stage. I don't ever want somebody. You think I wanted to tell you guys this story today? I never wanted to say it. And trust me, if you know anything about Uncle Joey, there's more of the story that I'm leaving out. There's another particle in here that I really can't fucking say.

Yeah, you know, listen, when I was doing that shit, you know, I pray every day that God forgives me for thief in all those years, but I don't ever felt bad from thief and from a drug dealer. I really didn't. I never did. It's everybody knew what time it was. When you get into that, when you sign that paper and you become a drug dealer, you go into a different realm. You become a target for people. You know, that's why I tell you, before you bring drugs into your house to fucking sell them, realize what comes with that shit. You

You know, you got a little sister in the house. You got a dad in the house. Your mom, your grandma. These people today don't give a fuck, Jack. You know, if somebody came to me and said to me from 1983 to 2000, nah, 95, if somebody came to me and said, Mike's got 20,000 in this house, that's mine. Not today, but tomorrow.

That's my money. 20,000 cash in this house and he's telling people, he's too stupid I gotta rob him I gotta rob him just because he's that fucking stupid I had a friend of mine he used to hide his drugs

in his driveway under his car people walk by you see the fucking coke cans I used to take one every fucking day why because if you're that fucking stupid I'm gonna fucking rob you but anyway I just want to I just sometimes I

think about my life and I go what the fuck where these stories come from You know, when I told her that story, like me and Erica were going through this, you got to guys remember, we started doing this December of 2020, and I was fucked up. And I still remember having surgery laying up in the daytime with my leg and her calling me and me being fucked up on pain pills, sloboring and fucking, you know, and telling these stories.

But even then, with all the fucking pain pills and whatever, else was going on, I would write the chapters out to prepare them because I wanted to give her a good chapter, but she caught these chapters. Erica did a fucking great job on this book. When I looked at the few chapters I did last week, and then I started just reviewing them, just to see what the fuck I said, you know, what the fuck did I, who knows what I fucking said those four or five months. But when I said this story, and in the book, it's a little bit more detail. I just don't want to, I want you to read the book, you get a couple fucking surprises. I don't. I don't, don't want them that you're going to go, well, I read this already.

Well, Joey said this already. I've already said each of these stories three fucking times. But when you read them, they're going to hit you a little differently the same way they hit me. Like, I'm already a little scared that by reading this, you guys are going to go, I can't fucking hang with Joey no more. This is too fucking crazy. And

the name of the book is tremendous. The story of a comedy savage. And somebody from Patreon, fucking And I did a little contest on Patreon and somebody gave me, a couple guys gave me fucking great ideas,

but somebody on Patreon gave me that idea. And I got to announce it this week because I keep forgetting the fucking announce. I took a picture of all of them. Don't forget tomorrow night. I'm in, oh, no, tonight, motherfuckers. I'm at fucking Uncle Vinnie's in Point Pleasant. I'm looking forward to it.

Some of my neighbors are coming. And tomorrow night, I'm in motherfucking, uh, the stress factory. And then next week, I don't know what I got. I think I'm doing something on the 28th. And that's it, guys.

We're back to fucking normal here. This shit's running again. My mind, I got some clarity, and I'm ready to fucking sling some dick. I love that you still support me. We're going to start putting it. We've got a great guest coming on next week. Hopefully that will all work out. And after that, I got some more surprises coming.

It's just taking some time, guys. I got a lot of my plate right now. Now they threw this book at me. You know, it's fucking too much lately. But I love you, motherfuckers. Thank you for supporting the joint. Thank you for always giving us love. And I hope you enjoyed the fucking amp show last night.

I drew some motherfucking heat on there. I opened up with looks that kill by Motley Crew. The place went nuts. I love Motley Crew. Anyway, and by the way, I heard a little rumor that Motley Crew is killing Def Leppin on the road. They don't know how much longer Def Leppie could headline. They're just going up there and they're flagering like a fucking...

Motley Crew's fucking strong. And that guitarist, everybody was writing him off. that motherfucker's throwing some fucking heat on the road they were at Hershey, Pennsylvania last week on the 12th and I fucked up so maybe we could catch them on the next tour them, poison, deaf leopard, who the fuck knows. I love you, motherfuckers with all my heart.

Thank you for supporting the joint. I'll see you next week. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right, you bad motherfuckers, thank you for the ear-beaten. We'll have some guests for you next week. But until then, listen. You have your bored? I got something for you.

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It's a bubler. There's three different ones. I don't want to confuse you. This ain't fucking a James Bond thing here. But it's tremendous. What you do is it comes in two pieces, maybe three pieces. You take the one piece off. You put it in the freezer.

When you're ready to see the devil, You take it out, you put it in, you pack up the fucking bowl, and you burn that motherfucker. Next thing you know, you're blowing smoke that you don't even know is in your lungs. Why? Because the smoke is cooled down. That's what I'm talking about. Your smoke is so fucking cold. You'll be like a fucking penguin shaking in their fucking corner.

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Get yourself a new bong, a pipe, or a bubbler. Listen, you're going to love whatever the fuck you get. That's how good the freeze pipe is. So that's the freezepipe.com Pressing code Joey to save 10% freeze pipe like a snowball and a fucking bung. Take care of yourself, guys. It's hot out there.

You don't want your lungs to fucking collapse. Get that freeze pipe and smoke to the smoke comes out of your ears. The joint is also brought to you by CBD Lion. Listen, you think CBD Lions been with me for this long because I don't like them

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And I'm going to give you 20% off on the Delta H2. You know how expensive those motherfuckers are. So go to CBDLion.com right now and get the party started. I want to thank the freeze pipe. I want to thank CBD Lion.

I want to thank BetterHelp, Manscape, and Blue Chew for having our back this week. But I also want to thank you motherfuckers for being solid. Stay black. Have a great week. Hopefully I'll see one of years tonight at Uncle

Vinnie's or tomorrow at the Stretch Factory. If not, I'll see you next Monday. Tip top, motherfucker Magoo. Stay black guys.