The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #184 | CHRIS CAMOZZI | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Thursday, July 28th…. Today we talked with MMA Fighter & Brand Manager for FitSoda, CHRIS CAMOZZI… www.instagram.com/chriscamozzimma www.instagram.com/fitsodas www.fitsoda.com This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Blue Chew, Stamps.com & DraftKings… BLUE CHEW Support the show and receive your first month free at https://BlueChew.com with promo code JOEY DRAFTKINGS Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app, and use promo code JOEY to get $100 in free bets when you spend $5 on UFC 277… If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat  (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 1-877-770-STOP (7867) (LA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA/MI/NH/NJ/NY/OR/ PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Min. $5 deposit required. Eligibility restrictions apply. See http://draftkings.com/sportsbook for details. STAMPS.COM Go to https://www.Stamps.com Use Promo Code: JOEY for a 4 Week Trial, Free Postage & a Free Digital Scale!  Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #ChrisCamozzi #FitSoda The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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Click on the microphone at the time. Top of the page and enter code Joey. It's that simple. Now with that, let's get this party started. It's Thursday. I got a lot to talk about. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Thursday to 28.

Sorry about this week. We didn't put a podcast out on Monday. And Wednesday, we switched it up to Tuesday and Thursday because we're busy. It was a fucking weekend. We're out there doing things. But anyway, it's a great motherfucking day to be alive. I don't know if you guys saw it yesterday. I put the tickets up for sale.

my residency in New York City at the Sony motherfucking theater. The first one kicks open September 17th. I got to be honest with you guys, I'm a little fucking excited. When I saw the poster, that's not going to be the real poster, but when I saw the poster,

it made my fucking dick hard, right? I'm happy I could do comedy. I have to get on planes. I don't have to deal with 20,000 people. What a bullshit is exactly what the fuck I wanted. Today we're going to talk a little bit about planning. Like, when you have to deal with 20,000 people. of a career, like I had no fucking planning at all.

So I did what I did. Yes, there was a plan, but I never put a time window on it. The reason why I want to talk to you about this today is because I was talking to our guest who you'll see later on on a fucking Zoom. And we were talking about the window that is whatever you decide to go in. I recently found out, not recently a couple years ago, that the NFL running back, the average career span is like three to four years or something like that they get hurt but then you see like walter payton's and all that shit and people who've lasted dozens of careers you know eight years

nine years 10 years anyway and it's just so weird how i wish i would have done things differently as a comic even though you know things happened the way they did sometimes i'm like fuck i wish i would have had, if I would have had an income coming in the daytime, I wouldn't have done the desperate things I did at night. I'm going to tell you one of the most desperate things I fucking, like there was one Christmas after the Sopranos guys. I think it was, uh, the Christmas of 2007. I had just gotten off of Coke. And, uh, that December, you know, it was like any other December. My career only worked in September and December. December for me in the film world is a fucking tremendous, you know, what I would do in fucking December and September, that was my

month too. So what was I talking about? I don't even fucking know. That vapor pen killed me. So this one December, you know, I always figured out a way to pay for Christmas, you know, Like we all have fucking Christmas comes and we don't put shit away. And we save our Christmas shopping for the 23rd or the 24th. That's me. You know, that's how I didn't have money to fucking buy November. Or lay away and shit. There was nothing like that in my life.

You know, lay away. So fucking, you know, every year, like one year, I was fucking broke. And I was in 2002. And I went to an audition. and I didn't get the part. It was some stupid thing, but on the way out, some guy came up with me and said,

hey, man, I'm doing these commercials and you're fucking perfect. I could cast you right now. The only problem is it's a non-union commercial, but you're going to make $3,000 for two days, flat pay. Because usually when you shoot a commercial, you shoot the commercial,

and then they pay you to hold you into different markets. So you know exactly what's going on when it's non-union, they just give you a one-time shot. Now, maybe on that commercial I could have made $50,000. Who gave a fuck? The, you know, the reason I did all that, these jobs was because I wasn't putting money away. I was too busy being a fucking junkie.

Now the holidays coming, I got no fucking money. So I had to work three days on a Mars bar commercial. But this motherfucker gave me $3,000 in cash, like in 20s. I hadn't seen $3,000 in cash in $1,000. 20s since I fucking sold coke. So I'm like, yeah, you know, you got to do what you got to do. But every fucking December, I would always nail something. And there's one year, here's the year I quit Coke.

I'm thinking fucking life is great. Fitzsoda, cocksuckers. I'm thinking to myself, life is great. You know, I'm clean, but my money was light for the holidays. And, you know, I look at, listen, when you're a comic, whatever you do, you look at break breakdowns breakdowns are what jobs are coming up i look at uh cast net i think at the time had little jobs actors access had jobs that's how i booked co-case i booked a couple things off actors access where you submit yourself i submitted myself for a soprano christmas dinner i've never told

anybody the shit so i'm telling you today that's how broke i was guys you know i don't embarrass me more than when I'm embarrassed, Mike. It's hard enough for me to get the fucking words out, you know? So I had to go to like fucking Orange County on a Sunday night. I had to be there at 6th and there was a lookalike Paulie. Who didn't look

like Paulie? It was a lookalike Tony who in real life, he was Tony Sopranos double on the job. He did a lot of Dublin for him. And then there was a Chris Maltesani who was just an Italian kid and I was supposed to be pussy. they were going to pay me $750 for the Christmas party.

So what you had to do is walk in. They gave you a wardrobe, which I brought my own, because they were going to give me some low racket bracket jacket. So I brought my own, and I fucking, you have to walk in, everybody claps. You know, I'm feeling really fucking creepy at this point. And I sit down and they start talking to me, and a fucking Italian and shit, and I got to make believe. Like, I'm, oh, yeah, I'm big,

pussy. It was fucking embarrassing guys. So what you do is, I think they showed an episode, and then we ate some horrible ravioli and shit, and then we have to go mingle for two hours with

people. And guys, that's why I don't go to Comic-Cons. Like my brothers, are you going to go to Comic-Cons? You'll make so much money. Listen, I don't want to talk to nobody. What are you going to talk about? What are you going to talk about? When you did the longest year, you want me to wear my shirt in my helmet and living that fuck i don't like none of that shit guys there's this there's things that

people could do and this like i can't do cameo i don't want to do cameo when i do cameo it's fucking later you know i wanted i wanted i wanted to take yeah i wanted to take a break from fucking videos because how many videos that we got up of just smoking dope and whatnot so anyway fucking uh i had to talk to these people for two hours and i don't know who was worse the cast that i had to sit with or them The people were like fucking asking me stupid questions and shit. And then when I go find refuge at the table, those guys were pounding me. Listen, we could do this everywhere.

We could do this as a tour. And I'm like, guys, I don't want to do no tour. I don't even want to do this. I'm just doing this for the small 750. Just like I can buy my girlfriend's fucking something. I'm not doing this for a tour. Dog it didn't stop. They're like, we should do a tour.

And the guy that put it together, he's like, oh, my God, we should do it. for Valentine's Day and then for Mother's Day and they wanted to do like a teen and Tony's wedding and I'm like oh God and the whole time you know me I'm yes and I'm yes and I'm dead you know the guys and the guys like I'm gonna give you a bonus

this is great he gave me like a $15 bonus but those dudes were so fucking like desperate like it was like you know when somebody comes up to you and he says I'm Tony Soprano's body double you know I wouldn't tell nobody if I was Tony Soprano's

body double like I That's me getting shot. That's me getting thrown into rivers. That's me walking on fire. I just can't. You know, I just can't. So I did that guys, and I can't tell you how embarrassed I was. And for three months after that, that promoter,

and each one of those characters called my house or sent me emails. I only did it once. Fuck you. Once was enough. I went home, and I'm like, I got to work a little harder as a comic. It's time to write some fucking goodies here. make some Joey karate video something. That's when all that shit came up.

You know, you're just shooting shit. There's another thing I did one Christmas. It's on fucking YouTube. Somebody sent it to me. It was like a week before fucking Christmas. And I got a call from a dear friend of mine. It's like, hey, Joey, we're in a spot. We hired a fat actor.

And he didn't show up. You know, and we need to do this scene today. Because it was the holidays. Like, they need to do the... We're breaking on fucking Thursday. It's Tuesday. We need this fucking fat guy. Listen, don't take any insult to this, but would you do this? And I go, what's it paying?

And they're like, 500. I'm like, I was holding out. He was a friend of mine. He goes, hold on one second. He comes back on the phone. He goes, I get you $1,000. I go, where is it? He goes, downtown L.A. I went all the way down there. I get there guys. And they take me. A guy come out, Joey, yeah. He shakes my hand. He walks me into the back and these really creepy-looking women. They were all big and shit.

blue hair and stuff and they weren't very nice. They sat me down and they go take off your clothes and I'm like, what? And they're like, take off your clothes. I'm not taking off shit. They're like, we got to powder you. I go, what? And they're like, yeah, you don't even know what the scene is. You're playing a cherub with little

underwear's on and fucking they're going to put candies all over here something. I don't fucking know and they got to rip them all. Meanwhile, I'm 400 fucking pounds. And I'm sitting on this couch like this like a cherub and I'm fucking. No, and I'm naked all the way to the fucking thong

and I'm sitting there like this and I'm like and they're putting stuff on me guys on the right home I think I cried I fucking cried on the right home I got on I got into this to do stand up not to be a soprano's body double not to be a fucking whatever so I was like that's it

I got to work harder but these are the jobs that you do to make ends meet sometimes you got to do these jobs it's like you Mike has a band and they want to play right music. They want to play Nirvana. They want, but one day they got to call to do a wedding.

And they got to switch it up. Nobody wants to hear Nirvana at a fucking wedding. They want to hear, you know, I don't want to dance. Whatever, all those creepy fucking songs at a wedding. Now and forever, all that shit, you know, you know, fucking, uh, fucking looks that kill is not going to work at somebody's fucking wedding. Every time those guys do that, they're breaking away from who they are. and it's painful.

Even if they're getting $1,500 from the gig and they can split it three ways, it's painful because that's not what you set out to do. And listen, experience is experience, okay? When you're a third-year comic, if somebody says to you, listen, we want you to fucking warm up at a strip club, you're going to bomb every show.

You've been bombing for years as an opener, and now you're going to bomb for sure. You're going to dread that fucking job of going down to that strip club. It sounds luxurious. You get a dinner, you get a fucking, you get to see the strippers. Then you get down and the strippers of junkies. The state got pubic hairs on them and the fucking spay.

You know, but this is what it is. I'd rather do that in a comedy club or burlesque place is dirty than fucking have to do something that I didn't want to fucking do. And trust me, guys, as a comic, I did thousands of things that I look at now and I go, what the fuck was I thinking? You know, I didn't suck a dick. I didn't take it in the ass. But shooting me naked with the thong on,

picking cherries out of my fucking neck and all that shit, that's humiliating. That is humiliating. Yeah, when you look at the check, it makes things better. I remember I was watching D.L. Hewley one night. And he came on, he goes, I know you motherfuckers watch SoulPlan. He goes, how do you think I felt cash in that check?

I had to wear a fucking disguise to the bank. I fucking lost it because I didn't. know exactly how he felt, you know. You just do some creepy fucking thing. That was one time when I was doing a bunch of non-union shit, and I would have to go to around Thursday. Every Thursday at 7 a.m., they would pay me $500 to sweep.

So it was like an ad for a bus company or something in Europe, and I would be on Marina Del Rey, and it would show the ocean, and there'd be a fence, and all I'd have to do is sweep. Just do this. like sweet and do a little dance and they just stand there and put the broom down and go and then that's it

I would do that every fucking Thursday for the small nickel I have to get up at fucking 5.30 yes what is it Joey it was a commercial for something in Europe and here I am dancing to some European music I don't even know what it is I never even seen the final product there's people in Europe right now that probably hate me

I don't fucking know but my point is guys that it's always great to have something that you make money. If I could do it all over again, I would have had a security blanket. Something. Something. I would have had some type of safety

in that 20 hours, dirty hours that I could fucking collect the pension. And if the comedy looks like it's starting to really fucking take off, Dave Chappelle's flying you around an helicopter, then I guess you fucking quit. You know what I'm saying?

But, uh, that, you know, it's just so weird. When you think you want to be a musician or you think you, you know, it's like if you're an artist and you want to draw art. And also when somebody comes to you and says, I want you to paint an attic. You know, and you're like, what the fuck? Well, a thousand dollars, I could use the money.

You'll paint the fucking attic and put a fucking print signature up there, you know, that fucking thing, the sign, whatever the fuck. So plan it out, guys. I know it's cool not to do comedy and to fucking have a day job. It's not cool. It's not cool I mean Some of my best times Was hanging out with Ralphie Mae

At his house And writing jokes in the afternoon Smoking pot Splitting a fucking Sandwich and That's what it's about To be a comic But always have your bases

Covered Because you don't want to be like Your Uncle Joey You don't have to do things You don't want to fucking do And then you get there You're like What the fuck

If you ever see Like I did National Lampoons Dirty show In 1998 me rich Brian Holtsman Oh my God a bunch of us I never when you see that

You're like holy shit that's really bad But they paid me a thousand bucks You know that I sold my fucking soul You know what I said before It's better than getting a massage from Harvey Weinstein You know I'm talking about I'd rather fucking do a job I don't want to do Than get a job from Harvey Weinstein

Anyway I got a fucking guest today How's that for you motherfuckers I've been talking your ears off giving your goddamn ear beatings and shit it's over I had to get a guest in here you can't put all the weight on me the next couple weeks we're gonna have some more interesting guest Tj English is coming into

one of his book I got fucking some surprise guests we're gonna try at least you know I'm saying but today we got Chris Camosie and we're talking about Fitzsoda the company he works for and we're always talking about just fight careers in UFC we forgot to talk about UFC 277 they have some

picks but I did uh m&A junkie this morning and uh we made some picks on there I don't know if I'll bet those motherfuckers but anyway I love you motherfuckers I won't see you afterward

we're gonna go right to fucking ads I'll see you Monday Tip top McGoo ready to fucking go I love you at all my heart don't forget UFC this week stay out and don't forget Sony theater the tickets are up the rest is up to you

if you haven't been to New York lately fly in take your wife to dinner. I don't know. Bring mom. Come visit your fucking grandchildren. Whatever. I'm not coming to you this year. You're coming to me until February. So, Sonyaul.com for tickets. $40 tickets, $10 service fee.

I tried to keep them low for you, motherfuckers. I love you. Enjoy Chris Comosey. What's happened? Chris Camosey, you handsome devil you? How are you doing? I figured it out finally. I use my phone. I knew you would. You're a fucking smart guy. It's funny. I told that I was M.M.A. Junk

wanted me to call in today. And I go, the time they gave me, I go, now I got to call into Chris Comosey. And he goes, send Chris my love and tell him this girlfriend is beautiful. I go, you fucking tell him. Yeah, she is a fucking knockout. I go, both of them are fucking beautiful.

You don't know who you want to swap spit with. I appreciate it. She was out here helping me try to figure out the computer. And then I was like, I'm just going to use the phone. I don't know. Fuck it. You look great. How's Denver?

It's good, man. It's been hot. You're out of New Jersey, right? How long have you lived in Denver? Man, I've been in Denver since, like, 97. Holy shit. Yeah, haven't left. That's a long time.

Yeah, I mean, I like this city. One of these days I should probably move out and branch out a little bit, but it's a fun city. No, no, you're young. That's a great place to be, man. Yeah, you used to come out here. You used to live out here a long time ago, right? I fucking, you came out from Long Island, right? No, I moved here with my family from the Bay Area in California.

Did you? Oh, I didn't have a Long Island boy for some reason. No, I just go out there a lot of train with those guys. Okay, that's what it is. No, I went out there, a friend of mine was big out there. Like, he had settled out there after college, and he invited me out. And I thought it was great, but we lived in Basalt, Colorado, men, which is next to Aspen. Yeah.

And then I moved to Snowmass Village. and then I wasn't a big Boulder dude there was too many fucking hippies walking around at that time a lot of stinky people the first time I went to Boulder I'm like I'll never come back here that's how strong I was against Boulder I'm like I'll never come back here and then in 85 I went back I left Denver about a year and I was headed to Colorado Springs

and on the plane some black dude was like nah man you ain't gonna go down there and hang out with fucking the army you need to be in Boulder where the pussy's at and I'm like, what are you taught? I was 21. He goes, you're a young guy. Go to Boulder. And I fell in love with it that time.

And I stayed from 95 to, I was a Colorado person from 83 to 95. Oh, no shit. I didn't know you're out here that long. And I started Denver. I started comedy in Denver. And I got locked up in Colorado. I know that story.

Yeah, so Colorado and me have a great fucking relationship. I love it there. I won't go back to Bold because I'm embarrassed. Do you know what I mean? Like seriously, I won't go back to Bold because after I left there

I realized how much havoc I caused in a beautiful community. Oh, I mean, they cause their own havoc now. Oh, I know. He was one of the party schools out there. But it was fucking nuts and bold. Now it's a little bit more, my guess.

I haven't been there in 20 years. Man, I don't know if you'd like it now. It's beautiful, right? But there's still the hippies there, but they're all hippies with money. So they're very like snobby, snooey. I'll probably get some flack for that since I live right here. No, you won't. They know it.

They call Boulder the People's Republic a Boulder anyway. Oh, yeah. It's its own fucking country in there. Like, that's why when the shooting happened last year, I was in shock for like a week. Yeah. That's supposed to happen in Boulder. No.

I mean, they're about as liberal as it. and it's very like peace and love, hippie out there. Yeah, I was surprised too when that whole thing went down. I was like, Boulder? What? I was in shock. It kind of bothered me a little bit. I used to shop at that King's Supers.

I used to shoplift at that King Supers. That was my favorite, the seafood department, the guy would just give us food. He'd go, just walk out with it. Don't put it on me. Because you know how they tried you at seafood? He wouldn't charge us. He'd go, I know you guys are shoplifting. That's a good dude right there.

Good fucking dude from Louisiana. I never forgot him. You still fighting? Yeah, man. So I haven't officially retired or anything. I've just been on a delay. I'm a free agent right now. I left the PFL last year.

I went through their season. Did real well. And now just kind of like sorting out some options. You know, I'll do it a few more years probably if it's available. But, man, the money's got to be right. You know, I love doing it. Fighting is my favorite thing to do. I still train every day.

but the days of like going in there and sacrificing myself for these promoters to make all the money is kind of over. It's a fucking nightmare, ain't it, man? The business side of it. All you want to do is fight. All I want to do is crack stupid fucking jokes. Yeah. Then you look at the contracts and you're like,

what the fuck happened to the jokes? They're sucking me dry here. You know, they give you money, but then they're like, oh, you got to pay for this, you got to pay for that, you got to pay for it. And people have no idea how many expenses you get when you work these. and shit like that.

And then they contact you for money for promotion. And you're like, what are you talking about? You're not even buying ads or anything. You're fucking putting a little flyer on your table. So I guess it's got to be the same with the UFC. A buddy of mine called me a other, then he wants me to read his book. And he wanted, it's something he called an expose on the NFL.

You know, like, you grow up all your life, wanted to play football and then you get to the NFL and they break your balls from A to Z. You know, like the NFL likes you, they work with you. If not, I did the longest yard with Brian Bosworth and he told me they used to find him his game salary for wearing his shirt outside his pants. Yeah, they have a ton of fines.

I think even if like the, they wear the high paint, you know, if that runs down and it's not clean, a few of my buddies in the NFL were telling me, like, the list of fines that those guys can get each game. It's insane. It's fucking insane. Yeah. But yeah, it's, no, I'll probably fight a couple more times.

We'll see. Like I said, the money's got to make sense. It's a weird game now. Like you were just saying, now they're like, how many followers do you have these promoters? You know, how many tickets do you sell all of this? I just had this conversation with the promoter recently where he's like, well, how many tickets are you going to sell?

And I said, well, at some point it's your job to be the promoter and promote the fight. I show up and fight. If you want me to do both and pay me for both jobs, that didn't go over that well no it doesn't never does they don't like that they want people who just say yes and play their fucking song but then you read through it and you start going I work so hard I work seven days a week on this

and I'm giving away this fucking money to these people who just basically pimps yeah I mean that's one thing I'll say I'll say the best thing about the UFC is they never mentioned ticket sales to you they don't ask you to sell a thing they just ask you to show up do your job, they take care of it. They're like a marketing machine, you know,

so they deserve a ton of credit in that way because I know even like promotions like Bellator and stuff have some of those fighters to be slinging tickets, you know, and you're trying to focus on training and working out and not getting your head taken off. So that's just an extra step that most of these promotions are throwing in there on there. Now, what do they want you to do?

Go to a fucking mall and give away tickets in the mall, try to convince people to buy tickets at the mall, people either want to go or they don't want to go Chris Yeah I agree It's always You get In my world it was always

60% up front And then two days before the show You sell all these tickets Because people have to make up their minds What the fuck they're doing I know if you call me and go I'm playing November 11th I'm not going to buy those tickets

to like October, mid-October, unless you call me and go, they're selling out really quick. Because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing November 11th or whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, I'm the same way. I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow, you know? I don't even know if I'm going to be alive then.

No, that's the same way to do it. I fucking ain't making plans sometimes. Then they call you back. Well, if we don't meet on this, and you're like, wow, let's just meet. Let's just get to the fucking meet. And then we worry about the variables and stuff like that. So you contact me if you're always,

you're always a good fucking dude. You always talk to me and shit, but you sent me some fit soda, and it blew my fucking mind. The lemon lime, and the originals you sent me were lemon lime and fucking, the orange vanilla blend.

I forget what they call that shit, the cream sickle. Yeah, the orange cream. Oh, my God. Oh, my fucking God, that orange cream is tremendous. I just had some more sent out to you the other day. day so you should be getting it.

Thank you. And then you sent me the cherry. Yeah, there's cherry. Coke, like a cherry Coke, some type of thing. Yeah, black cherry cola and the root beer vanilla float. Let me tell you something. The root beer, vanilla float. I drink that shit after I smoke

three fucking joints. You understand? That shit takes it to the next level. That's my favorite. I tell you what, I think my favorites are fucking creamsicle by them and the root beer float is tied.

I mean, they're fucking delicious and shit. And I like the lemon lime is up there too. I think black cherry is the only one I'm kind of weird with. I finished them already. Don't get me wrong.

I'll drink them. You know, I love that shit after you work out. But what are they for? Are they after workout, pre-workout? So it's all of the above, right? It's a hydration drink. It's a healthier option to soda.

So essentially, you know, most of us as kids drink soda and everything. It's full of sugar. it's full of all that crap. I mean, Coca-Cola, we use it to take acid off the car battery,

you know? Imagine what that does to your stomach. So, fit soda came in. Their original product was Coios, which is a neotropic drink,

good for your brain, he's got a ton of vitamins and stuff in it. And then Fit soda now is the newer product. What that is, is it's hydrating, but it tastes like soda. It's got electrolytes in it.

It's got DCAAs in it. No calories, no sugar. So it's a healthier option for you. Like, kids can drink it. there's no caffeine in it we're making an energy drink form most likely and uh we've got a few other ideas new flavors coming out but you can drink them all day long you know you don't

need a reason to drink it not the other one man right here you bad motherfuckers it's goddamn delicious shit that's my favorite one it's a superb superb yeah yeah and so like with me working for them now you know i'm the brand manager um that's kind of what put me in this position with the fight promotions. That's why I've been out so long as I don't need it. Like I don't need to fight. I want to fight. So I'm just looking for the right deal that works for me that's worth the time and, you know, sacrifice to my body, like I said. So it's a good option to have because a lot of fighters in the beginning, that's all they do, you know. And so there's guys I know that take fights just because they need the money. It's not even a good matchup for them.

It's not a good show. Stuff like that. You know, I see it in the gym all the time. Guys are like, well, I got to do it. Even if it's a good. even if they're hurt or whatever. So now I put myself in a position to actually be able to choose. I can sit back and decide when I want to fight, where I want to fight, and if it makes sense. So it's been a great thing because they started out as one of my sponsors. I was the first athlete they ever had. And then just building that relationship over time turned into a job.

It's fucking the way it happens, brother. But, you know, you brought up a great point. Chris, when I got into comedy, if you had a day job, you were a fucking Mo Mo Mo. Yeah. And your job was to get good at comedy so you didn't have to have a day job anymore. And then you get to the point

where you're like, all right, I'm ready to cross over. And then you give up your job, you tell your boss to suck your dick, and you go on your journey as a comic. And that's all great and dandy. But now, looking at lives and how times have changed, for me, right now, I wish I wouldn't have the felonies

because I would have got a day job. I would have got a great day job. And I would have became a weekend comic that just goes out Friday. The job would understand. Listen, I leave Friday mornings. I'm here all week with you. I'll sell everything you want me to sell.

But Friday, I go to Nebraska. You know, you don't have to be at a punchline to be a great comic. Yeah. You don't have to be at a great theater to be a great comic. There's a thousand comics that make a living on their terms they never wanted to push the boundaries beyond that,

and I appreciate it, you know. Now at 59, I love doing comedy and shit, but at the same time, I wish I would have had something to retire from. I didn't think that way when I started, and I didn't think that way while I was doing it, but I think it would have gave me, I would have been more relaxed. I didn't have to do the things I didn't want to do,

those stupid fucking gigs. you know so it's the same thing listen fighting and comedy is an art it's an art you know how i know because i can learn the same arm bar from closed guard and learn it three different ways you know like it's an art it's a breathing art so i understood fighting more after i joined jujitsu and then i mixed it all up together with comedy and i see the comparisons with jiu jihitsu and comedy after I get you laughing, I got to go to my safe place. That's my closed guard. Yeah.

You know, I see it. That's where I breathe. That's why I get my thing. And then it's the same thing, breathing. So it's so weird with, I don't even know what I was going to say. I shouldn't have smoked that pot this morning. No, I shouldn't hit that vapor pen. But it's so weird how I learned, you learn from all three.

And I see fighters today that you know how they're going to end up. It doesn't take a fucking, you know. We grew up on boxing. You look at how some of these boxes end up. You read a story 10 years from now. They're broke. They're in a basement. They did a crime.

They're in prison. I think you're intelligent enough to know that you wanted that security. And there's nothing wrong with that. And then overlapping them, you know, use one for the other because now I've got all these contacts from all over the world and helping to build the brand of what I'm doing by using, like, friends and stuff. Not using them, but now I work with the budget. everything. So I can turn around and pay friends and be their sponsor.

You know, people that make sense and everything. I still have to be smart with the job, but I can use my fighting career to also propel this career, which is always my plan. And I wanted them to overlap. I didn't want to hit the end and then be like, now what the fuck am I going to do, you know? Right now I have a nice calm life. I'm in Jersey. It's a little common in L.A., a lot calmer. But I wish I had somewhere to go every day, even if it was for six hours, four hours, You know, I'm like, well, how are you going to train in the daytime? Because I hate going to the gym at night.

I could lift weights at night. But jihitsu, by the time I get there at 6, I already ate a sandwich. Now you've got a fucking roll. You know, it just sucks. But I would have done it. I wish I would have done, like my friend Sam Tripley now. He's a comic, but he also runs like a similar YouTube type page, you know, and he gets a little money from that.

All that shit helps. and it's great to still stay in the real world from time to time. So I get where you're coming from. You're a fucking smart dude, man. Trying to be. Not always, but, you know, sometimes. Where's you go to college yet? I didn't.

So I actually went for one semester in Durango, Colorado. If you ever been there? Yeah, I did comedy, though. It threw bottles at me. Oh, yeah. It wasn't for me. So I came back. And then I just started working, you know,

I started working in clubs and stuff. and from there I got into training and everything. And then the first day I went into an MMA gym, I was hooked. The first time you got punched in the head, you were ready to rock. Oh, yeah. I mean, I was getting fights all over the place back then anyway. And then didn't know what I was doing, but seemed to be working out for me. And then when I started actually learning and, you know, doing Muay, doing Jiu-Jitsu and stuff,

I actually stopped getting in fights outside of the gym because when you're in the gym, you're getting your ass kicked and you're fighting people all the time. And the last thing you want to do is do that when you're having fun. And then it just kind of propelled. You know, I started working night jobs so that I could train all day. And then up until the UFC is when I quit the clubs and then just went full in on training. You missed the UFC? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I had a good time. You know, I always had a good relationship with them. They were always, they always treated me real well. I would still say it's the best run organization in the world. They take care of everything. I know there's a lot of people that complain about the fighter pay and all of that. Everybody always wants to make more money, right?

Like, you want to make more money, I want to make more money. I think there will always be that argument. But one thing I would say is that their health system as far as like taking care of the fighters if you get injured is amazing. Their staff is amazing. Anything you need, anything you want, like fight week, they'll get it for you. In and out of camp, like they have such a big production that they have somebody to contact you for anything you need. And so it was actually, it was great to fight for them and, like, see how professional it could be. One thing about the UFC, and I, you know, I read a lot about the fighter pay and Jake Paul beating people up.

You know, he wants to beat up Dana White and shit, you know, the whole thing. But you answered my doubts when you said something earlier. You said that when you fight for the UFC, you don't worry about selling tickets. Somebody takes care of that for you. and that marketing machine behind UFC is what, you know, I mean, I look at some of the fighter pay and I know that they show comparisons

sometimes, like somebody said, I don't know, somebody fought in Bellator and the guy made half a million more dollars than him. It's absurd. But the health care system is big. If I get hurt, I know I could do that. You could also train at that UFC fucking duplex in Vegas, which I heard is state of the fucking art.

Oh, it's amazing. Like, I heard it's just state of the art. So a lot of people don't see that. Yeah. I mean, I think, like, the fighters do deserve more money, of course, you know? But, you know, I don't think a union would be a bad idea. There's a lot of things that could change. But as far as, like, fighting goes, they're still doing the best.

They're still on top. They're still taking care of everybody. at least better than every other promotion right now. So, I mean, there's always going to be improvements that could be made. And, you know, maybe in our lifetime, we'll see guys making hundreds of millions of dollars. I honestly don't know where boxing gets all the money. We talk about it all the time. The ticket prices and the pay-per-view.

They invented that fucking system and the thievery and the whole, you know, Mike Tyson talks about it. But the UFC, I mean, listen. everybody's getting rich over there and don't think Dana's doing this out of the courtesy of his heart. You know, the people, they're getting rich and they have a big nut.

That's what a lot of people understand also. They got a big fucking nut. That's a big nut that you don't see. We don't see everything. I can't imagine what their insurance bill is. Oh, I don't know. I can't imagine.

So before I complain and talk about something, I don't know, I did, was a little disappointed about the union not coming together. Because I heard about this union starting about three years ago. And I think the fighters really do need. But the problem with fighting and the problem with stand-up comedy is that while we're building our union, there's always one dickhead that goes around us and that'll work for that pay or even less.

Exactly. There's some schmuck that's going to be like, I'll do it. And then they ruin it. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, unions are giving take too. There's plenty of bad things that come with the union. So I think it'll get dialed in, but right now, like, they're doing well. Those guys are doing well.

Having the UFC during the pandemic was the best. There were no other sports on. I love what Dana does, man. Like, he's definitely got balls and he'll be the forefront. He's the one that built that company. It is what it is because of him. And this isn't kissing ass. It's just that's good business, you know?

No, I say, listen, I got, I love Dana. There's days I wake up and I love Dana. And there's days I wake up and I go, fuck, Dana. What the fuck, you know? at the end of the day he does a great job listen to me here's the other problem too Chris which you saw

you know the NFL the longevity of a running back is three years when I heard that I almost died because you play football all your life you get to the pros you run over people in college and your longevity is three years

but not really then we have Barry Sanders and we got the guy from Chicago you got all these greats that played 10 years, whatever. The same with the UFC. It's a fucking coin toss. Like when I first went to L.A., I gave myself a year. If nothing happens in a year, I'm going to stop in Colorado, stab my ex-wife,

and then go to Jersey, and nobody will fucking find me in Jersey. And that was my plan. But every time I shut that deadline down, I did something good. Yeah. I get a movie or a commercial or somebody would tell you you're funny. you know, so with the UFC now, when you go into it, you got to go into it with a plan. Yeah, I mean, I would like to see those guys have pensions and stuff like the NFL guys.

I think it's five years in. They get, you know, pension for life and they get health care for life. That would be amazing for MMA, you know, because the guys come out banged up. I've got friends that are retired that they're not the same anymore. No, no. And it's a toll. You know, I was watching Barclay. Barberina against the dude, he's 40 years old.

Tremendous. They just fought about two weeks ago. Oh, Robbie Lawler. Robbie Lawler. What a great fucking fight. The boxing Robbie Lawler was great shots to the head. Then Barberana came back and knocked Bobby out. It was a great fight, but it's brain damage.

Man, yeah. One of those two guys is getting brain damage. I mean, both of them probably. Luller's one of my favorite fighters. Oh, my dear. It's been around, man. He's a monster. 40 years old.

And he's been in some battles. You go back, look at some of the battles that guy's been in that. He's a savage. You know, and that's why I love, like, there's a couple, like, listen, fighting is hard. You've seen these legend jiu-jitsu teachers. Yeah. They're legends.

They're great. But if you look at them now, watch when they walk in. They don't walk that good. Look at their hand grips. They're not that good, you know. That's why I like Alberto Crane's tactical fitness. I do that. I'm not.

Oh, my God. He's got an app now. And, you know, I did jih Tzu with Alberto. I know Alberto since I shot the longest yard in New Mexico. Before he even dreamed when he just had a little school, and we used to all go in and break his balls. But Alberto has a jihitsu school. He's got a Muay Thai class there.

But the most, the class that's growing the most is a class he's got That's called technical, technical whatever, tactical fitness. And it's basically active recovery. It's a five-day program. And you run it. I'll have to check that out.

Yeah, you run it at the same time with Jiu-Jitsu or Muay Thai, and it just takes care of your shoulders, your joints. It's really fucking dynamite. It's a lot of movement. They don't have it here,

but once they do start a school. I mean, he sends me tapes from time to time. It's a yoga mix. It's yoga. with kettlebells and club bats and pull-ups and weird push-ups and shit, but it's an active recovery, and it's pretty good for you. But that would be the plan to go into the UFC with goals, fight every 120 days,

just be a fucking savage for three years. Yeah, that's what I tried to do. After every fight, I was like, how soon can I fight again? You can only get so long, so I was lucky enough to be with them for, I think it was about eight years. You did 20 fights, and then, yeah, So I was just trying to stack them up. I was thinking the same thing.

I like the paychecks. So I was like, let me fight five, six times a year and just keep racking up money. You know, I know the tickets are expensive for the UFC, but I tell this to everybody. I've been to boxing matches as a kid, you know, at the garden, like the golden gloves. And then, you know, I've been to live football games, live basketball games. They're all great. The live experience is great. The UFC live experience is also really great.

Oh, yeah. The whole fucking thing, from the prelims up to the main card with Bruce Buffer and you see all the fighters coming in. And, you know, it's great. I don't know if anybody has done it. I know it's expensive. You know, I know that some of the tickets are fucking high end, but just get yourself a cheap seat and go to an event. And it's fucking life-changing, guys. It really is.

You know, I went to, like, thank God I was friends with Joe those years. He brought me to, like, 30 events. I would have a blast at those things I'd take edibles I'd be gambling in the hallways with people if we bring a bunch of singles you know and $5 bills nothing nothing not hundreds or nothing

just people in the row just people that are sitting around you we'd get fucking around you know we got Alex Joan high one time we got them fucking baked on edibles and he kept saying edibles don't do nothing to me edibles don't do nothing to me and finally he sat behind me

I couldn't figure out why when the chick came by She's like, hi, what can I get you? And he's like, what do you got? And she's like, oh, we have pretzels, peanuts, hot dogs, and something else. And he goes, give me one of each. Because they were fucking for free. But I looked at him, I thought you weren't, I thought these things didn't get you high.

Cocksuckies over there eating pretzels and shit. Great time. So if you could catch a UFC fight, catch one. Yeah, I mean, I haven't been to one in a minute. But even that, you remember the intro music? I don't know if they still do it, like the piano or whatever. And then it speeds up. And the speeds up and stuff.

It's a fucking great time, man. Chris, where can people buy this soda and read more about it? Because I think once people start reading about this and they taste it, they're going to lose their fucking minds like I did. Yeah, I mean, check out fitzotas.com. It's the easiest. We're on Amazon. We're in a ton of major retailers.

On our website, we have a store locator. We're in Sprouts nationwide. And a ton of other big stores, but it depends on the state you're in. You know, you can get it on Amazon. I tell a lot of people that's the best. If you got Prime, they'll ship it for free because, you know, sodas are heavy. But, yeah, fitzos.com.

You can check out everything on there, the story, all of that. We're even revamping the website. We have a lot of big things coming. We just haven't announced it yet. Where are you training these days? I trained at Genesis Training Academy here in Denver. It's in Arvada, actually. For MMA, that's where I do striking.

with my coach named Jake Ramos. And then I do Jiu-Jitsu at Katharo Training Center in Littleton, Colorado. And I also coach over there, too. You're a bad motherfucker, dog. I bounce the city all day. Well, listen, when I come out, I'm going to come visit you, fuck around with you. I talk to my wife about, she asked me, what do you want for your 60th birthday? She goes, we've got to start planning, and I go, I don't want no fucking party.

I want that shit. So I go, I'll take it. what I would like. I would like to go to Colorado and show my daughter Boulder Snow Mask and go up to Aspen. That's the week of bikini skiing. There you go. Skiing their bikinis and shit and they fall in the tit pops

out. No, but I used to go there 20 years ago. I can't imagine now with all the fake tits that come up from Dallas. They fucking fly through the air. One of those tits blows up and you just sail away into fucking snowmast. Chris, I love you, man.

I'm happy. You took the time today, man. good guy and I'm sorry we've been playing phone tag. It's just been fucking crazy lately. Oh no, no problem. I know you've been busy. I appreciate you having me on. Always listen to your show. I fucking love you. You know that. Forever. So keep me

posted. You need something. Let me know. And thank you for the soda. And we'll talk. We'll talk this weekend. Yeah, definitely. Come out to Denver. I'll take you on a tour Livewell too. They're massive dispensary out here. Their grow houses, some you've never seen before. Really? Yeah. Live well. Well, it's like, yeah, Livewell is the biggest one around here.

They've been a sponsor mine for a long time, but their grow house, the one they have here in Denver is 200,000 square feet. It's massive. It'll blow your mind. I just want to lay in the middle of it and take a nap and see what happens with all that fucking air and all those chemicals. I love you, buddy. Thank you for taking the time today and I'll be in touch, right, man? All right, sounds good. It's how you soon.

Take black and beautiful, Tarzan. You got it. Bye. All right, you bad motherfuckers. The join is brought to you by. Stamps.com. Listen, when you're running a small business, every second counts.

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