The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #184 - Joey Diaz, Alfred Robles and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: June 8, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by Comedian Alfred Robles. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Escapepodtank.com Mention Joey or the Church and get $250 off. Recorded on 06/05/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Here we go. Here we go. Hulu Plus has you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. When you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, that's Huluplus.com. That's Huluplus.com.

And by Dollar Shaveclub.com, get high-quality wazers. Send to your door every month for a fraction of weight pay at retail. Go to Dollar Shaveclub.com forward slash church. That's dollarashvclub.com slash church. just go to joey dyes.net and click on the dollar shape of a banner. Also, thank you to escapodtank.com. Go there and mention Joey Diaz and save $250 off. Your sense of your preparation thing.

Oh shit. Oh shit. The church of what's happening now special. Two fucking podcast on a Wednesday night. Rocking it, bitches. Great that motherfucker league. Take the headphones. I guess you a little wiggily.

Let's go Lee. Get up, get up, get a shit, get up, heard some calories. Oh shit, drop a load on Lee. Ah, go Lee. What? Lee, what the fuck? You got a wiggle be. Crank that shit. Crank that motherfucker, that's blade singing. Always for all the people, but people set the tempo. Let's do this shit.

Let's not that tempo, let's do it, Lee. That's it. That's what you got from. You haven't even broken the sweat. Busted. Kiggily is a fucking jam, ladies. You got nothing for me? The Churchill What's Happen now, Part 2, 6-414. The day the devil was fucking butt-bangged in the muffler

and thrown in some fucking river in New Jersey. What? What the fuck? Turn the music off, cuck, sucker. What's going on? Joey Diaz with the Churchill. Happen now part two today. Wednesday, June 4th.

I don't know when this motherfucker's going to have, but it's fire tonight. We got Lee Syatt on fucking a cookie and a half. Burning, I gave him his first taste last Thursday, and I've got him strung out already on this cookies of death. And in the fucking showroom, my main man tonight, you may know him, you may not know him, but that's why I got him on the show, so you motherfuckers get to know him.

Al Robles on the fucking on the table. What's happening, baby? What's up? Uncle Joey. I'm going to tatted up like fucking Sun's Anarchy Meets. I don't even know. Hawaii 5-0. I don't fucking know.

What's happening here today? All right? Everybody all right? We're all good, man. What's going on? Just tripping on Lee over there. Yeah, they made fun of me because I parked too far away from the wall. They made fun of me.

What the fuck? They made fun of me, cuck. We didn't make fun of you. You park eight feet from the fucking wall. I come in, I go, why is this car in the middle of the parking? He comes down like a motte-moddy-mort walking around. with sympathical juice in his face. I was so worried that I was going to hit the wall

and I wanted to make sure it was in the lines. But 10 feet away? No shit. How worried were you guys up? I was focused on the lines and forgot about backing up. And just because your name is Lee doesn't mean you got to drive fucked up, bro.

Oh shit. Look at him. Dropping knowledge on Lee. Look at the bat. Look at least. I don't get that joke. It's a Chinese joke. I get it.

No, you don't fucking get it. Why are you scratching your head all fucked up? Like, Huh? What's the problem? You only have a half. I even cut it back on your ass. Yeah. And you're still, uh-uh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Man, just right here, chilling, man. Getting ready for the fluffy movie to drop. When is that drop in July? July 11. 11, fresh. 7-Eleven.

And you have, there's a segment in the beginning, and you guys are all in it. Yeah, we're all in. It's kind of like a little short film, maybe 20 minutes. And I play a pervert at a club. Good for you. Harassing Gabriel Ball. Good for you. That's a good one right there. I will saw you to the top. Right?

If you think Grudge match did one of this way, you fucking, that comes out, huh? Cocks suck. What? What? What are you laughing about? You got the blue shirt with the white, the blue flag behind. You look beautiful for you. Thank you. You fucking Joe Cox suck. I love you. Finally see you're stoned. Yeah. You feel good. You're loose. Last night you were all tired every time I call you. I can't go. Call me every 15 minutes. I'm making this cookie from death.

from death. The Russians are going to come and feed us 400 milligrams a day, so we're going to be ready. The Russians. It's either the Russians, it's either the Taliban or the Arab. Somebody's going to come over, and they're going to want you to eat cookies, and you're going to be prepared. Because that's how you roll. You're not some regular

fucking Jew from some Mamalukville. You're a Jew with balls. You got spine. You got Mink, Yang Ordi. You got personality. What do you think? You think you got personal? Yeah, he has personality, man. I would be fucking with you. You don't have no personality. I know how.

I know how deep, deep, deep, jumbles in fucking Colombia. I bumped into him one time. He had two pounds of reed. I had two pounds of Coke. We had a little party, and he went his way, and I went my way. He ended up in San Diego, me. I got another story. But fucking we'll tell that one next podcast.

What's happening, Churchill, America? You bad motherfuckers, Churchill, what's happened now? If you think Lee is fucked up, I'm more fucked up, but I'm going to sell this motherfucker. I'm not sure what you just said, by the way. Don't worry about what I just said, all right? What's with the question? cock a second. Somebody turn the air on

I'm dying over here. Lee, why did you turn the arrow? Why did you turn the fucking arrow? Lee, who told you to turn the arrow? You know, I get anxiety and shit. I hate you. Lee was cold, bro. How the fuck is Lee cold? No, I wasn't cold.

How the fuck is Lee cold? I'm not cold. You never cold. I was cold when you were in 90 with the AC blasting and the windows open on the way home from San Diego. I like to stab you. Anyway, what's going on

our robe? Let's talk to this fucking guy. I'm in San Diego. Look how it's stoned he is. What did you for dinner? Stig and cheese and wings. How many wings? Eight. Eight wings.

What kind of dressing? Blue cheese. Don't fuck with me. Some of my breath. Listen, I wouldn't smell your breath or your ass cock sucker. Yes, you would. I know you want your dirty bastard. What's up for you are, Robes?

Tell me something. Just right here, Joe, you're just fucking getting ready for that movie. Just going up on stage and just trying to get better, man. You're right a lot, man. Thank you. You're out every night. You're not just sitting at home family your pussy.

Like 60% of the comics in L.A., you bump into them. Right. They tell you how bad things are. You always make me smile. That's why I figure I put you on the podcast. You make me smile every time I see you always got a story. You got a question.

You got to keep it real, bro. Keep it real. I tell you all the stories. I tell you what's fucking going on in Mexico. What's going on the streets by my hood? What's going on with comics, dude? Shit. This motherfucker is never slipping.

You understand me? You got to learn from him. Remember you should hang out with him for a couple weeks. He's always on fucking point. He's always got something. An envelope, something. You know what I'm saying? You give him a fucking kilo of Coke,

and he'll do it in one fucking bang and it's all over after that. We're back. Get together, Lee. Anyway, he's all right. Lee's all right. Lee, you're good, Lee? No. Lee's a good man.

That's a good guy, man. Now, you started comedy out here, bro? I started comedy here in 2002, bro, in March. That's when I met you, O2. Back in the days, man. Where'd you live back then? I lived in East L.A. No shit.

All you motherfuckers are East L.A. is. Yeah, man. The same no shit. There's like the videos when I was a kid. Just like gangland, bro. I live where I live right now, it's kind of like borderline, Eagle Rock, in L.A. That's what they filmed the gang lane about the avenues.

Just right into it, bro. What's the avenues? That's a gang? It's a big-ass gang in L. Are they still there? They're still there. Wow. They're the gang that runs the fucking Mexican mafia shit out in the streets.

So that Coke and there. Everything, dog. I have a funny story, man. In 2000, I was in the police academy still. And we used to get together with my neighbors, and we used to have water balloon fights, and then with the water guns. So we used to run down the street,

just throwing water balloons and shooting each other. We used to stop traffic. And then the cops came, and there you guys were fucking around. You got to stop the traffic. You guys got to stop. And like, the next day we did it again, and a couple of gangsters came down.

They're all like, they pulled us aside, And they're all like, hey, you guys got to stop this shit, man. You guys are bringing heat to the neighborhood. Cops are stopping you guys and they're fucking our shit up. So they made a fucking stop throwing water balloons, dude. That's how quick. Now, you were studying to be a cop? I was in the police academy.

I got kicked out for stalking my ex-girlfriend. Come on. Yeah. She put a restraining order on me, and I got decuited. I got disqualified for that. Because when you get a restraining order, it's kind of like a domestic, so you can't carry a gun or anything. Jesus Christ. Where is she not?

Fuck, I don't know, bro. Dying somewhere. Yeah. Putting a kiss of death on you right now. She did you a fucking favor. Yeah, she did. I was looking for her on Facebook to fucking congratulate her. Tell her thanks. But then I said, you know what, that fucking stalking again? So I stopped. She changed her name. No, I don't know, dude. I stopped. I hopefully, dude. Some women take her so fucking personally.

Yeah, I mean, I creeped her out. Good, I was stalking her pretty hard. Really? Yeah. Were you in love? I was in love back then. How old were you? I was 21. You had the smell of pussy and it was driving you fucking with the ass. It was driving me fucking crazy, bro. It's crazy when sometimes it grabs you like that.

I fucking, I was drunk. This is the last, that's when she said, you know, I had enough. I was drunk, and she lives in Glendale, and I took the bus to her house like at 10 p.m. And I saw her car outside, and I jumped a fence at her house, and I knocked on her window, her room window. And I didn't think she was going to be there, so I didn't have no fucking plan B, and she opened up the curtain. and I don't know what the fuck to do, man. So the first thing in my head I went like this, I pointed out of my eye and I go, I'm watching you.

And I just walked. Oh, God, yeah, I'll throw you in jail for that. And she called the cops and I was at the bus. Stop, dude. Yeah, they'll throw you in fucking jail for that nowadays. What fuck is she's going to do? How have you been with her? I was with her like for like a year and a half.

Okay, and then you guys broke up. Yeah, we broke up. And then I said, you know what, fuck this. I'm going to stalk her, man. Fucked up. I burn the fucking house down. Yeah, fuck. That was my next step, dude.

I don't give a fuck. Fuck that, man. It's amazing. It really is. Have you fallen in love like that, Lee? Tell me the truth. I don't give a fraud. Well, it's easier now because it's social media,

so you wouldn't even have to, like, go near our house. Yes, you would. No. You're going to go on social. That's half a fag fucking stalking. So, yeah. That's like half a known. You got to go to the house and park there and watch it through the bushes.

No, I'm not going to. Yeah, and watch you. That's how you stalking. That's all you fucking do. You can't be stalking just on Facebook or on Twitter. I don't have to. I'm not doing it anymore, but, I mean, why? Like, sometimes it's not possible.

Stocking is a sport, bro. You got to dress up for it. You got to fucking do everything. Now, balls out. Wow. I never did that. Were you ever in love when you were young? Yeah.

Who was the girl? Which one? I know, who'd you fall in love with that? You fucking couldn't stop jerking off and dreaming that you were going to go to a dance with her. And that's some fucking part of a girl. This girl named Linda. And what I? I don't know.

I was too young to realize if she liked me or not, and then she moved away, and then, like, years later, we were talking. She'd be like, oh, I wanted you to ask me out. I was like, ah. But who did you fall in love with that actually gave you a taste of that monkey, and you thought it was the fucking best thing you ever tasted? Oh. And then you couldn't fucking take it no more, and you couldn't take being with that.

You couldn't fucking wait to get over it. Like that fucking muffler. It hadn't really happened when the girl I've had sex. with what happened like it hasn't really happened like with a girl I've never broken up with a girl and I've had sex with me like ah but she cut you all no I can't think of like I I how fucking boring are you right what do we used you just said you haven't broken up with the chick that you had sex with no no I'm saying I don't have I haven't had those like stocky feelings about one of those oh okay so

who do you have stocking feelings for like the ones where I didn't have sex with them yeah yeah they put it out I understand what you're saying the The time I went crazy on Pussy was the sixth grade. With the broad Nicky, I went fucking nuts, bro. I got let back. I couldn't even think straight. Because I was doing, I was dry-humping it. I was sucking their tities, but that's it.

She told me the day after school, she goes to the day when school ends, we're going to fuck like motherfuckers. Bro, I was counting the fucking minutes. When you were in the sixth grade, you count the fucking minutes. I couldn't focus. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't go to karate. I couldn't fucking do anything.

And then finally, the day after school came, and she goes, no. Dog, it was a nightmare. It crushed me. But I went after it. But by this time, I did so bad at school that they put me in summer school. Right. In North Bergen, you have to go to, if you miss three days, they throw you out. Dog, I miss three.

I would go to school I could even think about. All I could think about was running back and eating that fucking monkey. And nothing ever happened. And she, we broke up. It was fucking horrendously. And do you think she gave it to someone else, bro, or do you just fucking... After that, she did. Yeah?

And then years later, she bumped into me and I was going to give her a stabbing, but by that time it was too fucking late, you know. It's amazing how your life changes like that. Then when I was 25, 30, I fell in love with this broad. That, you know, it was a freak, man. When they're dirty like that, you've been in a bad position for a while, and one comes along. And let me tell you something, it fucking sweeps you off your feet where, you know,

I would fucking climb by the side of a house. I would drive by a house and see if she was home. I never knocked on her glass. But see, here's the other thing about me. I stalk all my friends. Like, I've always been one of those guys. Let's say Alfred lives on 72nd Street. I live on 79th, and you live on 65th.

If when I'm coming home from a gig or 2 in the morning, I'll take the route that I'll drive by all of your houses and end up in my house. I've always done that. Even as a kid, I always did that. That was my main thing. I always drive around and see what my friend's houses look like. So this broad, you know, it was weird.

It was a weird thing, but I loved her. I didn't know if I trusted or not. You know, when you have to drive by a chick's house, you shouldn't really be with her because you don't fucking trust it. You know what I'm saying? Right, yeah. You know what's crazy, man? I was engaged for two years, and I'm not with her no more.

I remember when we had just broken up. She was all like, oh, I don't think you really love me because you talk about your jokes about you used to stock your ex, girlfriend, and you haven't even stalked me once. I go, bitch, that was a long time. I was a little kid, you know, I was young. I was 21. I thought we ought to fucking stalking now.

She said, oh, that's one of the reasons why I didn't know you didn't love me. You didn't stalk me. You have those jokes about your ex and you stalked them. And we were engaged. He didn't even stalk me. She went fucking there. You were crazy when you were young guys? Yeah, I was fucking crazy, man.

I remember fucking I was dude I love that chick So I remember stalking her And I remember she had a man And I used to stalk that motherfucker Too, bro I used to stalking

Old school. When everybody gets stuck The mother, the father You stalk them all And it was funny Because when I got the restraining order It was 90 yards away from her 90 yards away from her car

90 yards away from her house And 90 yards away from her work dog That's a happy to restrain in the My mom and then the mouse fucking garbage, everything. I had that motherfucker on total lockdown like Eddie Bravo

in 2014. I was on fucking 90 yards, man. What made you try comedy? What made you... I got kicked off from the academy and then I got that restraining order and I always wanted to become a comedian and I didn't know how to do it.

My older brother really got me into it. I remember he used to have the Andred Ice Clay tape, cassette, and Eddie. Murphy and they ace I was listening to it too I used to listen to it in his room bro he's sticking his room and listen to it no though do I want to do what they're doing making fucking strangers laugh and it's funny because now I fucking hate their style of comedy role both of them yeah I'm not a big Eddie Murphy fan or a

dice clay fan but back then I used to love him but back then fucking now I mean now fuck when you evolve once you see people like you see them right right so you evolve as a comic you know but it's amazing who you like at first, who drew you at first, you know? The guy who drew me for sure, like I saw Pryor, got my eyes open, and Carlin opened up my eyes, and David Brenner opened up my eyes growing up, Freddie Prince, but the guy who hooked me was Andrew Dice Clay. Oh, okay.

And it's funny because I had a friend of mine named Manning, and he kept bugging me. Like, he kept bugging me, though, you got to see this 8-track, the CD, what is it? The CD? No, no, it's not a CD. V-C-R. The VCR, the VHS. You kept saying you got to see this VHS tape I got for you. It was endless.

So if a lot of people don't know, I got locked up. Right. I got out. They put me in a halfway house in February of 89. They let me out of the halfway house in September of 89. And I went fucking bananas. I couldn't stop snorting. So I gave him too hot UA.

So December 1st, they put me back in my house. the halfway house. So I was not to sit in the halfway house for Christmas and New Year's Eve was killing me, dog. Al Robbers was killing me.

I was a dirty junkie then. And I said, you know what I'm doing and they had a conference room and had a couple conference rooms. And somebody put that for 25 bucks you can rent a conference room

and have a party with no alcohol but get a TV and stuff. So I got the TV and I put an end of ice clay live from Philadelphia and it was fucking amazing. That was, you know,

Ickery, dickory, yeah, right, right. And all that shit And it really was amazing. He pushed me over the top. Then I watched Rodney Dangerfield special with the Five Comics, with Seinfeld and Lenny Clark. Once I saw Lenny Clark, I had a fucking go for it.

Did you like Paul Rodriguez in those? I never liked Paul Rodriguez. Who did you, George Lopez, none of those guys. No, Tampoko. A Willie Barsena. I was a fucking Willie Barsena fan, bro. That was the first CD ever brought was Willie Barsena. No shit.

Yeah, in 2000. And what was that CD called? It was called. They're just jokes. Yeah. And it was very good. It was very good, man. I used to look up to Willie, dude.

I still look up to Willie. You know, Willie's a lot of things, but one thing, he definitely is a good writer. He's a good writer, man. He's a brilliant writer. He puts time into his material. He's very meticulous about it, you know. If he talked to Willie, as good as he is, he wrote everything. Right, yeah.

And I remember him telling me, he goes, if you're going to learn from me, just learn how to write. He goes, I fuck up a lot. I burn a lot of bridges. He goes, don't take that. Don't do what I did. Just learn out of right. That's it. He is brilliant.

If you guys don't know, Willie Bar Sennan, he had a special on Showtime that the first 20 minutes were just fucking pure brilliance. Smashing. I mean, pure brilliance. I sat there and I got to retape this and learn. But if you see him, you know, he writes all day. All day.

You know, he writes all day. He writes all night. It's in his mind. That's what, you know, that's what Willie does. And it's a shame that. He can't sell a ticket now. You know, he can't sell a ticket because that's the comics.

You really want to go see. Willie's a very good comic. You'll go see popular comics. Then go see Willie and go, I fucking get it. You know what I'm saying? So that was one of your influences. Remember he took me on the road, man.

He took me, we did the Tempe improv. And, I mean, I didn't have a notebook. I didn't take nothing there. I wanted to do good. I wanted to do good in front of the crowds. It's my first time working at improv. And in the second night, I was at the condo. And when he comes up to me, he goes, he asked me, hey, bro, you think you're funnier than me?

I'm like, no. You think you have more jokes than me? I'm like, no. He goes, two days, man. I haven't even seen you picked up a notebook or a pencil. Is this fucking vacation for you, bro? Yeah, he's old school. Yeah, it's a truth, man.

You know, you always, as a comic, you always have a job to do. Right. The comedian that says I'm bored, that guy ain't, working because you always have an hour to write, put it down for an hour, email somebody, get back on it. And I'm lazy of that too. I always sit down for a little point in my day. That I'm better at.

I'm better than I was five years ago because you have to evolve. You have to sit down. Fuck, I got this door today. I got that thought today, you know, whatever. But I don't see it. I don't know how I, you know, Frank Meir. Who? Frank Meier, the fighter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. me when he went to Jackson's camp. Right. The first thing he says is, he goes, I can't believe I got away all these years with not training how I was supposed to. And it's amazing how I got away with all those years when not writing to the full capability.

And yeah, I have stories. All I have to do is write them out and polish him, and you have your material. You know, you're telling your life experiences. So how are you doing over there, Papa? I'm good. You bad motherfucker you. Look at you.

Stone to the Gizils. That's it. You're done after tonight? What? You have to move tomorrow? Yeah. How many times have you moved the last year? Four fucking time.

Four fucking times. I moved once a year, but then this fucking second time came up. And everything's all right. You've got to be happy. I hope so. No time of moving people coming over. Between one and three. Between one and three.

So you've got to pack all morning or you're done? I'm pretty much, I just have to get a glass couple odds and ends. What are you in other cookie right now? So you're ready? No, no. Let me tell you something. You fucking move to 11 o'clock. You take a one hour on that.

You help them all move again. What are they banging you out? for. 80 an hour. 80 an hour. How many bucks he's got, three, four hours? Yeah. Not bad.

Not bad. I got to watch this fucking guy. He's good, man. You're good, bro. Thor, you'll be good. What are you moving to, bro? About Valley Village. Oh, God.

Right down, that's a thing. So what? Sorry about that. Yeah. I'm ready now. We're back. We're back. We're back.

Bitches. Back. fucking herpes on the fifth. Your fucking tongue herpes, whatever from earlier. Don't worry about it. You know what I'm saying? So what? You never ate a fucking chick's monkey that good guy. That's what happens when you lap that motherfucker

for like 30, 40 minutes until she blows a fucking loaded stamenia juice in your mouth. You know what I'm saying? Anyway. Hey, Uncle Joe, I remember the first, one of the first times I saw you, we were at Casa Latina and Rose Me, bro. Remember that shit? Old school with the little taco bar. Yeah, man.

With the old shit in there, you get there and they had food out for you, like in a Chinese buffet type of people. Yeah, I remember. And I remember you said on stage, fucking kill me, bro. You were all like, you know, there was always gangsters there. You said, I'm not fucking scared of you motherfuckers. I'm not scared of the Mexicans with the tight pants with their fucking hats and their boots.

I fucking die, man. How do you know, bro? Those are the real gangsters, you say. Shit. Once you go to El Paso and you see those gangsters that don't say much, they don't even laugh. They just sit in the audience and say, once in a while they go, as they drink their fucking booze with the hats and shit, that's real gangsterisms right there, man. These motherfuckers ain't nothing with tattoos jumping up and down at Casal Latino the Tuesday night.

Fucking with their pants falling down and shit. You know, it's amazing how many fucking nights you go out? I was telling the Angostino today, yesterday at lunch, that when you start comedy, you have to go out. Yeah, you do. There's no nights off. There's no night. You don't even think about it because I might get two spots tomorrow and get that much better than me.

I don't have time for how to get that much better than me. You gotta be out doing three spots a night. Two minimum, one is a bad night. Now I gotta hang for two hours. Maybe I got a spot 1145. It's Jeff Garcia's room. I'm an hour late. It's in West Covina, but it's amazing how many fucking rooms we went to.

Like, I learned Los Angeles from doing comedy. I didn't learn Los Angeles because I'm a fucking visitor and I want to see Los Angeles. I learned Los Angeles from all the fucking gigs we drove to, bro. Yeah, man. Casal Latina. To Walt Coyotes, Tortillas. Tortillas. All those fucking rooms.

All the fucking Sebastian's rooms. What's Sebastian? Oh, my God. What rooms do they have? He had fucking. fucking scoreboard in Pomona. You had Callies and was it Chino?

Scoreboard and Pomona. That's where the fucking scoreboard was and they had basketball. Yeah, man. Remember? That was a fucking nightmare. The best one was I told the story was Rudy's, the one in front of the

strip club. That was an Irish pub. It's still there. Oh, Callies, no? Calys, yeah. And one night, I went in there fiend and we were so broke that Terry drove me.

So I definitely, I wouldn't drop the 50. bucks. That's how broke we were that. My girlfriend's like, how much you getting to find? 50 bucks, but I'll be back at 11. No, no, no. I'll come with you. And we went down there when I was on stage. Some guy was drunk and threw his wallet up in the stage

and I took it. But as I was getting all the stage, there was a men's bathroom. There was a wall. So it gave me a minute. I opened up and there was a bunch of hundreds. I took one off the top. I gave the guy back his wallet. I was like, wow. I just made $150. That was a fucking payday.

Lee, $150 then was $29,000 now. It was fucking so much more money 15 years ago

and you went out every night except no Sunday I was at the comedy store Friday Saturday, we started Monday night. Monday night either you had the laugh factory or you were somewhere else on Monday right, right. I think Sebastian had a Monday night yeah, somebody else had a Monday night. Tuesday

you had Casa Latina and something else. Sebastian had room too. Tuesday. Wednesday, you have Wild Coyotes. And Thursday was the hop. Remember the hop and make one, dude. Oh, shit. That's where Felipe you could pick up her mother and her daughter. Right? That's where you

are older. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all these places Lee, it wasn't about how much you got paid. It was how good the taco ball was outside. Because that place had a taco bar. They had a taco bar inside when you made the left by the pool table.

Right. to a pool table with forks in it and nose hair and you don't give a fuck Lee that's how good those tacos were you didn't give a fuck you went over there and made yourself five or six fucking tacos all those places had a taco bar on monday tuesdays remember what's the one down there not has yeah they still do it on monday nights on mondan nights when they first started the sunset room the sunset room yeah man that was lobster night or something like that yeah yeah yeah marrizzle has that martin fucking can risso. Lee,

stop napping, Cucksucker. There ain't no time for naps. We're doing a pocket. We have a guest here. You know, let's get together and shit. The fuck.

You know, it's interesting because today I asked Gabriel, how come you know the UFC's going to Mexico. Oh, they are? Is that the first time? I don't know.

I don't know what's going on. They're going to Mexico City, brother. Do they have a Mexican fighting at least? Cane, Oh, okay. That's good enough. They got to help them with a Spanish.

Right, right. but it's amazing how a lot of people are very scared to go to the UFC in Mexico City like that fucking everybody's scared to get kidnapped but one of the most interesting stories if you don't mind telling it Oh shit

Chopin now is he in jail right now He's got caught bro He got caught again and he's in there What happened? Really? So he's extradited Yeah Bring it down for Lee and shit This was in December

Like in 2011 Chappo Gizmano was one of the most Wanted criminals of all time bro he was the first drug dealer to make the Forbes list he used a bad motherfucker dog he's Robin Hood to Mexico man he built fucking churches he built houses

schools for everybody over there man so he was wanted and I was at I was where my parents are from and we went to go eat late in night we went to some Arisco's place and I was with my uncle and we see these two guys walk in and my uncle was all like something's gonna get down Something's going to go down.

What's the name of this town you're in? Ciudra go on Sonora. And how far from the border? It's maybe like 12 hours from the border. Jesus Christ, that's deep. That's deep inside, though. So we were in there. My uncle's out like,

something's going to go down. He goes, whatever he do, just fucking pay attention and just do what they tell you to do. I guess it was normal for those motherfuckers over there. So these two guys walk in, and one of them stood in the front door, and the other one was talking to the manager.

I don't know what the fuck they said. So they exited. So then they come back with fucking Chapo Guzama. bro he had a fucking vest on and those foods had two big ass fucking bags so they walked to each fucking table and that's this we guys have a camera or a cell phone fucking put it in his bag and me fucking thinking like a fucking american fuck you motherfucker and putting shit in my bag but then i said no you know what fuck that i gotta listen to these dude so i put my fucking phone in the bag and my uncle did the same thing and

everybody started doing the same shit and then he walks in he walks in like the president fucking waves and he sits down. He sits down and they order whatever, whatever, so I was still fucking kind of in shock, but fuck, what about something goes down? What the fuck are we going to do? So at the end of the night, they take off and then they come back and they give us back

our shit and they said, sorry for everything that fucking food's been taken care of and he fucking took off, dude. How long did you sit there for? Fuck, like 40 minutes, bro. You couldn't do shit, you couldn't even go to the restroom. And what were you thinking of those? I was fucking thinking.

I knew who it was. was but those 40 minutes like what about fucking something goes down but you know you can't do anything dude like you're being hostage and shit and then my uncle's like no it always happens like this this is how it goes down here it's cool just fucking just play along with them man that's amazing what mexico has become yeah they just killed one of the singers like this week from where we're from too they just killed them these guys they thought they do is they sing about all the shit that's going on but they just get too much fucking information and they just get blasted dude you know what I mean I mean gangsters

gangsters want their story out they just don't want the details you know I mean they don't want like fucking yeah I shot this guy in here and this and that and this is what I used to kill him and shit like that I mean they want their shit out there they just don't want people fucking telling them all the details you know what I mean

and they just blasted one of those dudes that he was coming out of the sushi place right there and they just shot him it's amazing what's happened to Mexico it's amazing to what Mexico means to the drug trade. It's the fucking, you know. And they're not fucking around no more.

No, hell no. Like they just snatch tap that shift from the Colombians. They just they're in everything. They do meth. They still send brown weed to the fucking states. You know, they're still sending brown weed to the states. Not everybody has fucking $22 of fucking grand to buy

every day, you know? Some people are fucking poor. They got $7, and they want an ounce for $7. It's dirtweed. It's like hustle and flow. That's what they fucking smoke, you know. They're sending coke, weed, heroin, meth. It's like, you know, it never ends with these fucking Mexicans. They don't give a fuck.

Paula's mom was saying that her sister has kids, and for the girls in Mexico, like, it's good. It's like they wish to be married to drug dealers. Like, there's just no other way to make money. And it's like not look down upon to, like, marry a drug dealer. Listen, man, drug dealing is, especially at that level. Right.

What's going through Mexico. You know, this is all Miami 30 years ago. Now you go to Miami that's cut cocaine. You want cocaine. You got to go to Texas to get a gram a blow. It's fucking pure. You know, you look at the rocks. It's got a picture of the fucking Chapo Guzman.

Every fucking rock. It's just really, you know, I haven't bought coke in seven years, but I saw the trend because I used to travel across the country. And I would buy coke at different places. and I bought coke in time all the time I'd buy coke in Miami

and it was okay once I went into Texas whether it was Houston Dallas you know those border towns I was snorting fucking electricity bro

and you know if you talk to Jerry LaRoca where all those guys are from Corpus that that Mexican mafia's there and they're moving shit up and that's the reality of it man I love when they show you a tunnel

well guess what bitch they got 80 of those you got one and you're on TV with three dudes with a suit on telling everybody you solved the mysteries of the world

no you didn't they got 79 more of those motherfuckers in fact they had one that was coming right downtown right do you remember that

they found no they found when that came downtown all the way from Mexico all the way from Mexico right downtown somewhere

by a bus station you know they got the fucking they got the way to fucking keep them cool They got the way to keep oxygen down there. They got the systems how to fucking run it back. They just go for it. Listen, they're businessmen.

Those guys are as much businessman as the CEO of fucking Disney. They know if they send out eight loads, two of them are going to get confiscated. That's just the cost of doing business. When they're figuring out their daily take, that goes into fucking, you know. They already know if they have 10 caves, two of them are going to get caught. You know, so they're going to fucking push that coke through there. I mean, it's what the city has. If you think this country of Mexico makes money selling straws,

you know, selling straw hats, when you go to a catcoon, fucking good luck. You know, they're like Colombia was. I guarantee Mexico has loans to the United States. Oh, I'm pretty sure they do. How did they pay their loans back? By selling straw hats and Viva Mexico T-shirts and shit like that. Fuck, no. By selling fucking blow.

You get who sells them that fucking bow. blow. Who gives them passageway to sell that fucking blow? We do because God forbid we get in the way of us making our money back. It's a fucking cold world out there, man. People don't believe that. But it's the truth. All that shit, they're all cartels to, so there are mules. There are mules. They're in the United States meals. Who controls that shit? You think three fucking Indians put that deal together?

No. Is that what you fucking think, cock sucker? That's fucking crazy world out there, bro. Even the baseball player, Yassil Puig, the Cuban guy, he paid Mexican mafia to fucking cross him over over here. And he owes that money. And now he don't want to pay it, which that guy will be dead. He keeps fucking around him.

They got security on him. They know the story. Major League Baseball is watching him. You know, Major League Baseball watches him before they fucking even get to the city. They go to the stadium and look, and the hotel look under the bed. You know, Fidel might say I'm one of his fucking boards. never know. And Fidel's fucking serpins don't fucking miss.

You know what I'm saying? They come over here. In fact, the cops give them the gums at the airport when they come over. And you get the paperwork. He's a fucking Sherman Oaks at the fucking Italian place eating a rib sandwich. What else is going on, man? That's it. You've been doing comedy for now, I've been doing it 12 years now, man.

And when did you hook up with fluff? I hooked up with fluff like an old six at the Wild Coyotes. Really? I met him through Felipe. And what level was fluffy in 06 last year? Which was basically what? Eight years ago. He was about to blow up.

I remember he was doing a couple of theaters, but now he's fucking. You knew he was on blow up. He was doing a couple of theaters, but he was selling tickets. He was doing improv. He was doing improv doing doing Wednesday through Sundays still with them. Two shows, Sundays, one show Monday. They remember them adding shows, man. Right, those were the ones started out of the show two years ago.

Yeah, he was just fucking doing it already, man. And he was just a nice guy and told me, yeah, I think you're funny. Let's hook up, and he's helped me ever since. It's you, Martinez, it's... Rick Gutierrez, bro. Rick Gutierrez, Rick Gutierrez is part of it. And Martine Marino.

Martine Marino. And then Ivan Quaylor is still there with him. He's the road manager. The road manager, and then fucking big fluffy, man. That's amazing. We were talking about today, what, level, you know, I remember taking planes with him. I remember we both getting the

same money. I remember doing the laugh factor with him. He was always a very nice kid, you know, and he always made his smile and stuff. I mean, there's nobody I like being around. I see him twice a year for ten minutes, you know? I don't want to go to his shows because I never want him to think,

like, I could have drove to Burbank last night and hung with you guys and drank you. He's got 90 people there. You know what I'm saying? It's very, today I had a great time with him, Martin because I had him for an hour. That's the most I'll see him. But it's amazing

what's happened to him and he's never changed and he's always looked out for me. He always gives me something. Right, right. He goes to me fucking something. This came up two days ago. He called him, and Martine called me. He goes, well, he's in town. He wants to stop by him do your podcast. I go, that's funny because

fucking Robles my main man, pizza pizza. Pizza, pizza. I was going to do your podcast. And then it's funny, how you and I hooked up. It was really weird. We were both doing, I got asked to do a weekend with Fluffy and Sacramento.

And it was you myself and who else? I think Noe and Gene Pompa. Wednesday and Thursday. And Fluffy was going to come up Friday, Saturday, Sunday. What year was that, bro? I was still, yes, I was still out of my mind. 07 maybe, 0.6, right? Oh, seven, oh six.

I was still out of my mind, Lee. Yes, I was old six, because Gabriel was on last comic standing. Yes. Remember? I saw he was missing them days. That's why he was missing those days. And me and Gabriel, me and you had to get up on Thursday morning and do radio. Right.

And went to do radio, and Gene was either drunk the night before or just crazy. And he picked a fight with me. And then he goes, well, fuck you. something about Joe Rogan and we started arguing about pizza. I don't even know what the fuck it was, bro. Right, right, right. Ever since that time I see you like pizza, pizza, pizza.

And then I did the show Thursday night. But that Thursday, the weirdest, no, that Thursday, the weirdest fucking thing happened. I got a call from Maj Dubroni's manager, agent at the time. And he goes, hey, man, they're looking for you for, my name is Earl. Right, yeah, remember.

And I go, what the fuck are you talking about? My agent, now and I'm. They can't find your agent. You got an audition tomorrow at fucking 11 o'clock. So I had to take a plane down to my name is Earl. But in those days, it was quick. You went in there, they told you, and they said, call your client back and tell them we're going to fax some more sides.

Right. To come back. And you had to wait. So I went back to like at 4 o'clock, and I was embarrassed, and I never called Fluffy Baggie. He was mad at me for two fucking years, the whole thing. Plus, I was mad at Gene. Right.

You know, and in those days, I was still doing blow, and I just wanted to avoid anything that was going to put me back in jail. You can't snore coke in prison, you know what I'm saying? So if I had a feeling in those days, I was going to have a problem with you. I just avoid you like the plague, you know. So that's how we came about it. That's where we bonded, bro. But I don't know what happened.

It was either. We went out that night after the show, and we pizza pizzaed up or something. Yeah, we fucking ate. We bought that pizza at the Walgreens, bro, the frozen one. Who ate that fucking thing? Yeah, it was like a Lysayette night. Remember? It was not.

We had a pizza at fucking Walgreens. At Walgreens, bro. We took it back to the room and fucking just chill, dog. Just talk shit like always. That's amazing how I met all you guys individually over the years and were still together in a way or two. And those rooms, they bonded you. When you did those $40 fucking rooms, those Mike Jeff Garcia's.

You know, I remember the fucking. fucking Monday before I got Spider-Man too, bro. As crazy as it seems, before I got the longest yard, it was Jeff who I borrowed $40 from. And he gave me the rest of the cigarettes he had to go to Santa Fe, New Mexico. Oh, huh? I saw him up at Ernie G's room.

Ernie Fughey. He used to book, what's the place up at the Universal City? The fucking rumber room. The rumber room. No, that's done Wilshire. No, it was the rumber room, bro. Where's the rumber room? Upstairs, the Universal City.

Oh, that's the rumber room, yeah, yeah. Let me tell you something. You know how many fucking sets? I did that rumbrough on a Monday night. How many? Fucking 200 a year. It was every Monday, whether it was three people or 40 people. Ernie G did it.

And, you know, in those days, I had to get the coke in me, so I had to go out and hustle. So if I did three rooms, I could make 80 and 90 bucks. I could buy a fucking G-bo, get a taste for 30. And I could still take home a couple dollars in those days. But I had to do three sets. Lee, wake up, cock-sucker. So I have to go out. and I'd have to fucking bang it out

you have to staff the one in the morning doing sets but I'll tell you what, Ernie always put me up. That was a good fucking room up there too on one room. Sometimes you went up there, it was like 40 people, sometimes it was 60 on Monday. And you know what, that motherfucker would stand outside Lee, say what you want,

he would fucking... I mean, that's annoying, that's an annoying trait to walk up to people and go, hi, what are you doing right now? Once you come to this comedy show, it's only 795, that shit drives me fucking crazy. When people come up to you with that type of shit on the street, Ernie would do it. Yeah, he didn't go, fuck.

Or you'd get there and look inside and go, Ernie, there's no fucking people. He'll go, watch this. And he'd go out and that fucking thing with flyers and drink coupons. And before you know it, man, he had 30 people in there. And while the show was going on, now it's contagious. 10 people were walking at a time.

By the time you get up on stage, they'd be 80, 90 fucking people, man. It's amazing the marketing. This is way before Twitter. The way before, before MySpace. Yeah, this is before MySpace. This is before all that shit. It's just, Jesus, it's so different now.

Yeah, way fucking different, man. It's crazy how he evolves and how everything fucking just changes, dude. Jeff Garcia was the first guy that threw me up on stage, man. Where at? I seen him at the Casal Latina. That was the first time I went on the same. That was fly's room, too, right? It was fly's room, bro.

I seen him at the Ice House. and he was, I remember I was working at All-Navy. I used to do their loss prevention. And, yeah, I just got off stage and I seen him in the restroom. And I was just talking to him. And he was like, hey, you think you're funny? Give me a call. I have a room.

And I go, yeah, because I want to do so. I want to start doing comedy. He goes, yeah, give me a call. And I called him and he gave me three fucking minutes. Three, five fucking bomb for those three minutes, but I fucking did it, dude. Well, that's the, that's part of the thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it was funny because I was like, what about fucking, fucking, if I don't have three minutes.

He will just stay up there. All right, man. You know, and for the people at home that they're probably listening, you're like, three minutes, Jesus Christ, three minutes, the first four times on stage seems like three hours. You wouldn't fucking even dream of it. Wow. If I put you right now, if I said, readily, three minutes, click. Yeah. You look at me and go, Joey, come on, I can do this with my eyes closed.

No, you couldn't. Not if there's 100 people staring at you. And the lights are hot. and your adrenaline's up. You won't think of shit. It's like when I first started jujitsu. Once you got me on my back, I was done because I was too busy breathing. Freaking out about the situation, I'm on my back.

Your mind is telling you to freak out. But once you, it's the same thing with the stage. You're funny when you're in a corner. You know, if I go to drink water and you come over to the thing and go, hey man, what's up? You see something out live last night? Oh my God, yeah. And then we start goofing on it.

I could be funny. But that changes completely when there's lights on and there's 150 eyeballs looking at you. And I've seen it a thousand times. I've seen people that. I know people who say there's a big difference between people who say inside that I'm funny on that guy on TV. I could do it. And then there's other brand of the people who tell it out loud. I went to acting class with this jerk off years ago.

Big time jerk off. from the East Coast, New York, New Jersey. And one night, he's like, hey, man, I want to come down to the club and watch you do comedy. And he came down, he said, that was amazing. But you know what, I think I'm funny in you? And I'm looking at this guy. In about a month later, he calls me.

He's like, hey, man, after I saw you that, now, I got on stage, and I'm doing a showcase. And I think I'm going to a place thing in Montreal where they fucked him, whatever. He goes, see this? He goes, I knew it. I knew it. You were wasting your time.

You've been doing comedy for 10 years. You got nowhere. this guy was telling me this. He goes, I did it three days, and already I'm going to a festival. I'm thinking of getting there. I'm not fucking kidding you. That I never heard from the guy

for about two months, and I called him. I go, hey man, what's happening? You end up going to Montreal? And he looked at me, on the phone, he goes, let me tell you something. That is the hardest fucking business that you do. He goes, I did it like four more times. What a bunch of bullshitters.

What a bunch. Because the guy told me I was going to go to Montreal. And then he came down. The guy told me I was no good. And it's a fucking battle in the beginning of that level. That's why I see these guys still. And my dick gets hard. Because I fucking know how hard it is, man.

Especially out here. Yeah, and especially back then, bro, doing like the Felipe's rooms. I remember fucking Felipe used to throw you up on stage. Back then, I would only have 10 minutes. And that fucking, Felipe will never light you. Felipe will go out, he'll blaze.

He had to do what he had to do. He'll never like, so you're up on stage. You're supposed to do 10. and then you're up there, you look at your watch, you go, I've been there for 20 minutes, and Felipe will leave you up there, dude. That's how you learn. That's how you learned back then.

Those were amazing. Let me tell you some. Everybody knew that when you went to Wild Coyote, after two comedians, you were dead. You just basically went up there to go through verbiage. I love when you went to Wild Coyotes, and people would show up with cameras to tape a set, you know, with three guys.

This is a mantra, all set. And you wouldn't even say nothing to them. You wouldn't even say nothing to them. I'm like, you're wasting your time. Don't even put the camera. In fact, put it back in the car and tell those guys to go home because somebody might fucking steal it.

You know, that's how fucking bad Wild Coyote was. You were just going up there. If Willie had it, you were dead. Once Willie got off, you were just going up to the lip sink. There was nothing left in that room. Willie remember Willie would fucking... Do an hour. Do an hour up there, bring chicks up there,

fucking show them tips, fucking shots. Lee, wake up. How can you be rolling your eyes? this. Get up. Do a jumping, Jack. Put the air on something. I can't reach the air. Yes, you can. You're a tall dude. Reach you there. Jump up. Get on the table. No. Jump up and down. Look at the shake. You can't be the side. We're still got to go out. We're going out tonight. We're going to go out. We're going to Denny's. We're going to get a milk shake. I already had a milk shake. From where? In and out.

When? Before you got here. So you went to in and out. You had the wings and you had the sandwich. Look at the shake. I got the shake. What type of shake? What type of shake? Large or small? Do you go to the window or did you drive through? The window. Look at the shape of you, cocksucker. What am I going to do with you?

Huh? I don't know. Un-fucking bull. That's it. No more cookies for you. What time did you take that cookie, bro? I don't know. 4.3.

3.30. He couldn't take that at 3. They were to war up by now, but he cried until 3.30. He took little bites. Alfred. I might bite the thing. He was taking little bites. He's fucking Jewish.

And it was like the heart of Jesus, you know, when you're catching, you give me the cookie. That's how you bite it, like, a half of fruitcake. He was taking a little bites and, like, bite that motherfucker, cuck. Something burning. It could be this building. As we speak, you imagine. Don't say that. We get the black people through the side of the other building.

And now there's a fire in this fucking building. I can't fucking win. Now the fucking firefighter can't come through because of the way you're parked, bro. We're all going to fucking die. That's the worst. Now the funniest thing about Fluffy. You know. Listen, when I came up,

Carl's Mancia was the hot property. Right. And then it was called, then it was, you know, Pablo was the new next big thing. Then it was Jeff Garcia had a deal. Then it was, you know, nobody really looked at Fluffy.

You know, nobody really looked at Fluffy. And he just took off from a comics point of view. And listen, man, I could tell you, Lee knows I've never had a problem with Fluffy. You know that I've never ever said, anything. I knew from the beginning. I knew where his heart was. Right. He had some beauties. He had some beautiful people who just got mad at him from the beginning and I think they're childish and jealous. It's Latino achievement. He's only going

in the way, you know. But it's amazing. Like, I'm not surprised. He has a concert film coming out. And you guys are part of it. I mean, to see you guys together on the road is brilliant. And you know what I'm talking about. No, I know what's talking about, dude. Gabriel, he tells you straight up, dude. He goes, I don't want no drama between anybody. I just want everybody to be cool, and that's all I want. And everybody just goes with that, dude.

He's just a nice guy. He helps you out as much as you can. I mean, he put me on Stand Up Revolution season three, season two and season one. I'm the only comic that's been in all the fucking seasons. He put me on his DVD, The Aloha Fluffy. And he's fucking put him in his fucking movie. And he's going to help me do a special. So, I mean, the fuck.

He's helping me out a lot. So it's all good. It was one of the nicest guys you ever, and then I'm not just saying that because I work for him. He's, dude, I see the way he treats his fans and I see the people he, the way he treats him, but he's just the nice guy, dude.

Some people have it. I can't be like him. I'm not a nice dude like him. I'm a nice way in another way, but, I mean, that's why I'm more power to him, dude. Listen, man, I was minding my own business. My phone rang. It was Martin Moreno.

I thought he was going to check in and say, he's a flapper's the nice swing by. And he goes, hey man, Gabriel wants to know if he could do your podcast. And my heart stopped. My heart stopped. Here's the guy that's doing the Tonight Show. And what's Craig, whatever? What's he doing?

He's doing all of them to promote that movie. Right. And he took 20 minutes out of his day and an hour to do my podcast. I don't have a fucking sensational podcast. This is just two fucking guys talking shit. This isn't, you know, you might get a life lesson out of here. You're not going to get nothing if you're into that stuff. But just the fact that he remembered me.

You know what I'm saying? Right. Listen, man, in this life and in this business, especially people always said to me, bro, this guy called Jim beating it, like when Jim Jeffries had the show. They called me in. I didn't get the show. I would never be mad at Jim Jeffries. In fact, I'm happy.

He called me in. Steve Byrne called me in two weeks ago for his fucking show. I was too young. Okay. It's the people who don't call you in, who don't think about you. I would never get mad if Gabriel got a show and I had an audition. It would mean nothing to me. I would go in and knock it out of the park.

That means I have to be better than everybody else. So the two people that they wanted, I got to go fuck them up. You know what I'm saying? But it's amazing how he treats you guys on the road, how you guys get along. I mean, things have changed now because he's trying to get in shape. That's not the old days where you guys went out to a restaurant. Chardonias!

And shut the fucking wing down and ordered 50 fucking tacos. Lee, you would die. You would die. I'll never forget that one nut after San Jose. We went to that Mexican place around the corner next to our sous car. Right, yeah. And we sat in the back, and they brought salsa and chips and cheeses and fucking burritos and brain and pig eyeballs. And it was just, I had to fucking excuse myself.

Get the fuck out of it. These guys were eating like they were going to the chair the next morning. That was every day, bro. That was every day. Three meals a day. You know, they wake up at two. They meet at 3.30. they eat till five and they go to the club they eat again in between shows and then right after the

fucking two hours of signing and three or four taking pictures they go take a wing from a fucking diner and go bring it you know george was telling me about chan's dragging in when you guys went in jersey to that chinese restaurant with george he goes they had fucking everything on that menu shumoshu choo choo-choo-ree li-le-woo they had everybody on that mother That's how you do it. And you know what, man, when you go out like that, I wish I made that type of money. I could go out as a family.

Not with my wife and my daughter, but as a family. With you and three fucking feature acts and a fucking manager to count deacis and a bus driver and another guy just to control just to roll joints and play the fucking music. Pick something, you know what I'm saying? And if we're out

of batteries, he'll pick up a guitar and sing a fucking concert on that. You understand me, Lee? Lee, look at the... I'm never fucking with you again, cucketucker. Fucking Lee, man. No more cookies. No more nothing for you.

No more nothing for you. Look at the shape of you. I can't take you nowhere where you're blue. When you look handsome today, you got, look, you got barbecue on your shirt. All right, blue cheese on my shirt. You got blue cheese on your shirt. Yeah. The wings dripped down your face.

Yeah. So I was going to ask Gabriel, but I got too high and I didn't want to ask him. Like, I was thinking about it last night because I was around. Ask me, bro. Okay. We're going to ask him. well it's both of you guys but it's because when you told me it's gonna be honest like all right let me think of a

question and like there's some comedians out there who have like how Gabriel makes the noises sometimes they have that kind of aspect to their act but a lot of comics and all people don't respect them but like somehow Gabriel not gets away with it but people don't seem to be mad about it there's a bunch of like

really active loud comedians who people are like oh that's not real comedy but Gabriel seems to like they seem to respect Gabriel you know what dude you're gonna get haters no matter what type of comedy do are you I still do tell a lot of one-leaders and people hate on that that's old style comedy why you're doing that and they're always gonna pick something dude Gabriel's just a nice guy he's on top so they're gonna look for anything

well it seems like they don't really mess with Gabriel I mean do they is he it seems like most people that talked about him love him I never really heard nothing but listen if you look there with a guitar people break your balls right right but nobody's ever busted Pablo's balls no look at him Nobody's ever busted Gabriel's balls really, you know? Right, right, right. He does what he does. He does it well.

I was thinking more along the line. I'm a huge fan, but more of the line, people like hate on Dane Cook, like that sort of thing. Well, it's different style of comedies, Gabriel's than Dane Cook. You know what I mean? It's different, but it has, like, some of the aspects I've heard people say bad things about Dane Cook, you could, like, kind of relate to what Gabriel does. Just like the noises and just the way he does it. And it's not exactly the same, but it was just interesting.

And I love Gabriel, too, but it was just like, what, I wonder where the difference lies. Like I said, dude, Dan Cook was hot and everybody you hated on him because he was doing a lot of shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? That sucks. People should be, like, happy for you. Mexicans are never happy, bro. It's amazing.

Nobody's ever going to be happy. No, no, no. Somebody's going to feel that they got you started. Somebody's going to feel that they gave you three jokes. You know, all of a sudden you're finding out that, though, Joe, Diaz is many of you. He said he gave you a joke one night of the diner and now he don't return his calls. And you sit there and go what are you talking about? It's like a guy told me

once about Gandalfini. You know, God rest his soul. He goes, I used to party with Gandafini. And he went to his thing. We shot a movie together. And like three days later he came back with a stack of pictures. A ham in Gandhaphne. All these people up for weekends, you know? This was years before he got the soprano. And he said, he still remembers when Gandofini got this Cronos calling him. And he got this pilot about a mob boss.

It's not going to get picked up. I'll be back and blah, blah, blah. And he goes, season two, when the show was ahead, he called up Ganderfini. You know, at the old number, Gandofini, it took like a week to call him back. And he goes, listen, bro, I know what you want. You want an audition for the show.

I don't control that. He goes, listen, what happened between you and me was a long time ago, wrap it up and let's move on. You know, I love you, take care of yourself. you know, shit like that. And there's people who you move on, man, you know. But there's people that you just stick around in this career. You've got their fucking back.

And that means, let me tell you some, this thing is tough to do by yourself. Real tough, bro. It's tough when you have friends. It's tough when you have people that care for you or other people that care for you. Comics are always going to fucking hate, bro. Comics are always going to hate something about you.

Listen, I've made an idea. like a comic, but if I think he's funny, he's funny. Right, yeah, me too. I'm one of those people. There's some guys, I hate their comedy, and I hate them. But there's a lot of guys, I don't like them, but they're fucking comedy. He's superb. Would I hang out with them?

Fuck, no. I don't want to hang out with me. They don't want to fucking hang out with me. If you, look what Gabriel did with stand-up revolution. You know, Tommy Chun. He takes care. That's the most important people. What is the fucking thing of this podcast to make somebody's day?

Gabriel would have to give me a million dollars to make my day. He just called and said, I want to do the podcast. Made my day. Made your day. Yeah. You know, Al Robles made my fucking day. Every time I see Al, he says something to me, Nick Diaz, bro. Nick Diaz, Anderson Silver. What do you think?

You hear about that fight? Yeah, man. That's who they're going to put up. Lee, if you close your eyes one more time, I will fucking stab you the debt. What are you going to do, Lee? We're still got to go out. We're not going nowhere.

We're going out. We're going to fucking go to Ha-ha and have some. some laps. You drink a couple of sodas. We'll get you all decaffeinated up. And that's it. So when are you thinking of shooting this special my brother? I don't have a date yet. Gabelz is working on it with me

still, so let's see what's up, man. And where are you living now? I live in Eagle Rock. You got a girl, man? No. You've been single for how long? Been single for two years. Two years, but you've got different women that come into

your life. You're a freak and she's tired of money. I got a couple of friends. I'm up and you rub salsong their fucking asshole. And you take it for a fucking hoop, don't you a little dirty bastard? What do you giggle about cuck, suck up the fuck? Get up.

Get up. Throw the chair away. You got to stand up on that's pretty sure. You got to get some energy. Look at you. You're like a fucking moot with no energy. You need testosterone. You need fucking everything.

If you stands up, we'll get you some Mexican food. No, I'm not hungry. You got to be hungry. Look at you. I need too much. Every time you close your eyes, you think of the two tacos with onions. said, well, you just weigh in some fucking green cells.

No, like this, Saboya. They don't like, you don't like Saboya? Not too much. They put too much. Jesus. I remember that taco spot used to take us right there by, by the hop on Lakewood. Which one I take you to? There was one like around the corner on Lakewood.

We used to always go after the, after the hop. You always like, I don't know, but you used to take us. You'll do this to the spot right here. Oh, I love tacos. Simple tacos. I don't like fucking drama. Say what you want to say, bro. King Taco does involve me.

Right. Mexicans get pissed of you. King Taco ain't shit. Fuck you, bitch. I live in the Valley. King Taco is... You ever go to King Taco? No, I don't know what that is.

You should... On the Five, right? It's on the Five. You should stop. I'm never on the Five. Well, making your business to get on the fucking Five. You're always on the 405. What's the difference?

The Five, the Four Oh, Five? It's on the difference out of the hill. Is it? Yeah. Well, thank you there, Mr. Fucking GPS. I don't know. I didn't know this shit.

You know what else, my brother? Tell me something good. What's the next in the fucking... And the whole thing. What have you been learning lately? What have you been seeing? What do you want to do? What's your next move?

Acting, bro. You really want to get into the acting side of it? A little bit. It's fucking trying to lose weight, trying to get... You know what I mean? Okay. What do you want to do? It's anything, man.

I just want to move up. It's trying to evolve as a comic, trying to do everything, but just trying to get my feet wet and everything. It's really interesting. You know what I mean? You got some ideas for a video network or something? A little bit. It's amazing about Christella Alonzo.

Oh, yeah, dude. I remember when she used to answer the phone at the improv. Addison, right? Addison Imprope. I would go over and torture her. See if I could fucking get a blow job or something like that. She's a great lady. She's a great lady.

I've known her for 15 years. Easy. Easy. 15 and 16 years. She was a fucking kid, man. Right. When I saw that pilot, I got to tell you, it brought tears in my eyes. And for the same reason I was telling Joe before that, you know, they give all these fucking people.

You know, you got a Montreal, Comedy Central likes you. They take some kid that's not funny at all. Not fucking funny at all. He has six minutes and ten people are behind them. And they give this kid $250,000. They put him on the Tonight Show. They put them on all these fucking things. And you know what?

Let's face it. You're not fucking ready when you're doing comedy five years. years. So you play the games, you cash a check, and they give you a check happily. Like, they give it to you like, ha ha ha ha, ha. He's $150,000. We think it was so talented. Oh, my God. And then you take it, they hook you up on a rider, and the writer calls up and says, that kid's a fucking stiff. You know why he's a stiff? Because before we wrote the thing, his head's already big. Right. A comic, his head don't, there's just another day in a life. They gave me a check. Then they realized his tonight show blows. You know, and they just realized the kid blows. You know,

in general. He's a good comic and he will be a good comic. Not today. Maybe in 15 fucking years. But then you get a guy like yourself because I know if it's petitioning you for like Montreal or Comedy Central, something like that. You got a guy like yourself. Jerry Roach. Jerry Roach, you got an hour?

Yeah, he did. On Comedy Central? I don't know if it's on Comedy Central. Oh, it's on Nuvo. Yeah, Nouveau and Netflix. You know, I mean, everybody, put that fucking phone away. I want you to focus. No, focusing, bro. Everybody gets their time.

But then again, you get these people and you see them. And you know that you're spread, you know that you're covered. You've been on the road with Fluffy for six years. You've done theaters. You've done clubs. You've done Holland. You've been in front of every fucking scenario. And they won't even let you go to fucking first base.

But they get this kid because some guy at the CIA says he's good. All of a sudden, everybody gives him the fucking world. And the guy ends up fucking blonde. Cristella Lonza, they didn't even want to give him money. Right. They didn't want to give him money. They're like, we'll give her this Puerto Rican deal. We'll give a $6,000 up front.

We'll give another six if she makes it to the store. And then, look, her show got put on the fucking air. You know, and I forgot all about that. They were going to shoot a Kevin Hart pilot. Yeah, they did. Kevin Hart's fucking pilot. Listen, it's hysterical when comics come up to me, and they go, hey, man, I shot the Jay Leno pilot this year.

Fuck, I'm going to rock. You know what? The network behind closed doors, they go, let me answer something. You want to deal with Jay Leno? No. You want to deal with Jay Leno? No. We don't get a fucking Jesus in the fucking show. They don't want to do that. You're too smart.

Right. They don't want to argue. They don't want you to call me and go, I looked at the script. You took the scene of me fucking the donkey. Why? Because it's fucking network television. You know and I. You don't have to do it. Now you've got to fucking interview with these people. You've got to go back and fucking forth with these people. They want to get the guy like me and Lee who are hungry,

who are they going to say, hey, remove that sheet from your script. And Lee's going to say, Yes, sir. That's what they want. That's why whenever they have these big names that, you know, this is, what's the matter? You're burping. I'm okay. Fucking mess.

You just ate a burp that was so disgusting. I could tell because your left eye got so fucking big. It's like he did a blast on the left side. You didn't have enough for your right side. Look at the shit. How bad was that burp you just inhaled? Pretty bad. And it went out of your mouth and went back in when I caught you.

You looked at me and you inhale that motherfucker and then your lip sealed like she'll. like she was farting or something like that disgusting. But anyway, man, I'm just happy that, you know, you're still plugging along. I'm happy that you're in the fucking game. You know, I'm happy that you're working one of the best, you're going to be one of the best

concert films of the year, you know. Hopefully last year was Kevin Hartchie this year's Fluffy's year, you know. And he's earned every fucking, you know, he's earned everything, man. That guy is he works. He works hard, though. He has a good work, I think, and he kept it together, and now

he's adjusting. He knows it's going to be longer. He's losing the weight. Yeah. You know, and that's what it's all fucking about at the end of that day. And he's taking a fucking great care of you guys. So there you guys go. After this, now it's your turn, the fucking blossom.

42, what is it? 42 or 45 weeks out of the year that we're working with him. Are you serious? Yeah. We have a fucking tour bus. So, fuck, he's nonstop, bro. He's nonstop. On the tour bus, you sleep in the bus?

I sleep on the bus. That's disgusting Yeah it is That's really People shit in the bathroom No you can't shit there So what do you shit You gotta wait until they

Fucking put gas Or you gotta wait until We're to our next destination They just gotta hold it bro And how many nights do you sleep on the bus I told you though That bus shit Fuck you

I want to join the band I join the monkeys It depends I mean With Gabriel you work Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday And you have a choice to fly home, but I mean the fucking flights

are expensive, so you stay on the bus. So you stand the bus Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then you meet up with Gabriel. Gabriel flies home, you know what I mean? And that bus is shaking. The bus is shaking, people farting. People are fucking their shoes off. Yeah, man.

Is there food on the bus? There's food on the bus. It's a TV? There's a TV in the front, and there's a TV in every bunk. Really? Yeah. So you can watch what you want? Yeah, you could watch your fucking DVDs.

You could do whatever you want. You take a shower on there? No, you got to wait until, like, we hit a whole towel. Can you brush your teeth? Yeah, you can. You can brush your teeth. Can you smoke for your phone of the bus?

Yes, you can. No, you can. You can. You can't. You can't put your fence. You can't put in front of the bus. He wants to be a driver. I thought about that.

We're going to give you that position. And if you can't hold it, bro, you get a trash bag, and you go to the restroom and you shit and you just fucking throw it out, bro. Oh, no. Lee, get up. That's it. Throw away the chair.

I need you on your feet, Lee. Look at you, you're a young man, you're acting like you're 90 fucking years old, cock sucker. You ate a half a little edible. 10 milligrams you ate. I can believe this guy. 100 milligrams. He didn't even even 100 fucking milligrams. Look at him there.

What's up, my dad? You know, Al, it's amazing because you see, I've been here 17 years, so I learned the system. You see these guys, they come to town. They're the hot fucking thing around their town, or they're on the row with somebody. Right. and they come to town and the percentages are you don't fucking see them you see them for a while and when they disappear

they're Facebook here and they're like hey man I'm back in San Antonio remember me you're coming to town can I open feet and you're like what the fuck happened to that dude that dude was around all the time you know you see so many people leave it's not that you're an

asshole or a scumbag you see so many fucking people leave you know if you go out to do comedy three nights a week you're going to see 70 people, you know, at least, especially if they're loose comedy rooms. You're going to see 10 comics at every fucking room. That's 30 comics a night. Let's say you

go out four nights, it's 120, that's 30 times four. Yeah, 120 fucking comics a week. You know, people are going to slip through the fucking thing, you know, oh my God, what happened to the fucking guy? But to see you, to see you know, fucking

Martine. Right, right. I was telling the story that I met Martin. I went to do a room where Martin was hosting. And he got into an argument with a soldier. And while I was on stage, you went outside, fought the soldier, then came back and closed the show up. You know, I met these guys on the combat fucking conditions.

You know, like I was saying, you don't want people to think that we work, man. There's a struggle fucking period where we fucking starve. You fucking starve, you know, and I had a cocaine problem. So I was starving, and I wanted to get high. And I wanted to smoke cigarettes and get my dick sucked. You have all these vices that you have to make work.

And it's just amazing that we're still. So here, today Martin asked a question, like, why asked? Like, why? I mean, you didn't grow up with no mansion. You know, your family didn't have a ton of money. You could have done, you could have been a cop, but you have flat feet, you stalked the bitch. Well, that was Martin that had a flat feet.

That's funny. Yeah, you got kicked out of the military, right? The Marines. But it's amazing how you end up here, especially as a comedian. You never think, tonight I was walking here. I was walking to the car. My wife parked around the corner. And I was looking at the palm trees, and I remembered.

One of my first jobs out of high school, maybe my second or third job. It was at a hardware store, and I worked for George Murad. He was the first Arab I ever knew. He ate hummus to him. I didn't like him. Good guy. His father worked there and his sister worked there. And we used to call his father George Murad on the Bahamas Sound.

And you know what? I had a good job there, bro. I would have still been there. Do you know what I'm saying? Like today, I would have still been there. There were nice people. and I used to make me prep the deliveries

and I would put extra shit in the deliveries like let's say he would say you know put I get the order it would be a drill a hammer I put three drills and a hammer

and I make the delivery and sell the drills that afternoon and one day somebody somebody gave me a checkbook well I took a check somebody gave me a checkbook asked me if I could sell checks

I said I knew a guy that could call them and give you 80%. I gave the guy the checkbook he got caught and gave him my name. So the fucking funny thing was I met the guy outside the bank. They had a picture of the fucking van.

So that's how they got me. They went back and went to George Murad, and George Murat said, that's my driver. And I remember as it was pulling me away, the cops, he said, Joey, I got to tell you something. I've been here for 20 years. You're the best employer I ever had. You would have made it in any of you. I never went back and apologized that guy. He never even went back.

He believed him. Lee, look at the shape of you're sweating. Oh, my fucking God. you know and you think about how at that moment when they were putting me in that police car my first arrest I think I think it was June 28th 1983 I thought my life was over right 31 years ago when you were getting fired off the police force you thought it was it yeah that's it bro that's it that's it I'm gonna be a gangster because I can't get a job now everybody's known to know I got fired from the police so this is never going to fucking happen for me it really is amazing guys how when you think you're fucking

down. You still got so much left, man. And I could have given up in my mind. I could have again, you know what? I got a fucking possession of theft, whatever it was. That's it. I might as well take this life. And I did for a little while, but I realized, and so did you. But after you stalk that broad, you said, fuck it, I'm done now. I'm fucking done. The crazy part I remember, I didn't know how to tell my mom that I got kicked out. So for an extra month, I still dress up like I was going to the fucking academy. And I went to the mall and somebody saw me and they called my mom. They're like, oh, where's Alfredo and this and that?

Like, oh, he's in the academy. Oh, he's just seen him at the mall. So I came back, I put my uniform back on, and I'm like, my mom sat me down and she said, what's going on? And I had to tell her right there, bro. That was my thing right there. I was always scared of my mom, dude. I always lied to her because I was like,

I didn't really want to lie to her. I just didn't want to tell her the truth, you know? And I didn't tell her I got kicked out until I got caught. I remember my graduation from high school, dude. I remember not graduating with my class. I graduated after. and I didn't know how to tell my mom. And I remember my whole family

fucking came from Mexico. They fucking flew in. What you got to let back? What's that? Do you got left back and then tell them? Check this out. So everybody flew in fucking from Mexico. We're here for your graduation. And I remember I told my mom to fucking buy my cap and gown. So I'm already fucking balls in.

I got to fucking do this shit, dude. And I remember my consular telling me, you can march with your class, but you can't go up on stage and receive your diploma because there's no fucking diploma for you. You got to come to summer school and get it. And I'll still fucking play this fucking role, dude. So I fucking, my whole family went.

They fucking bought a camera. They went on my graduation. I was fucking waving at them. And then I had to go around the stage, bro. They didn't call my name. They called that guy in front of me and had to go around the fucking stage, bro. And they didn't get your diploma.

No, they fucking, they didn't see me on stage. And they're like, well, how come you to fucking tell us? And this, because I was scared. I was, I'm fucking scared of you, lady. You know what I mean? But I took it that fucking deep dude. Not to tell my mom and fucking family flew in from me. Mexico thinking I was in graduate,

fucking bought a camera and to record that fucking Alfred's graduation and nothing, dog. Look at the fuck, look at this fucking Molda Del over here. Look at the shape of you. That's it, dog. What? It's over for you over there, sweat, profusously, this shit.

Yeah. You look good, though. You're back. You ready to get a milkshake in that, Cuxa? No. Yes, you are. What can you go for right now? It's time to go home, ma'am to go home. No, you're not going to go home. What are you going to do at home? Packed.

Packed. This fucking guy, dog. That's all he does is pack. He got a single bedroom. He sold half his shit. And he still has the boss at the time he's been packing for fucking four days. His beauty. Look at him.

Lee, get up. Get up. Get up. Throw the chair away. That's, I need some blood in those legs. Come on, Lee. You're too young. You're too young.

How old are you, Lee? 25. How old are you, right? How old are you, bro? 36. Tell this fucking dude what you were doing at 25 right now. Fuck, dude. Hitting up stage.

fucking three stages out of day going up there driving from LA to Ontario to Montabello She's looking for spots to go up Not getting paid bro not getting paid Not getting paid What do you mean wild cugs sucker And I remember back then dude

And if you weren't even doing comedy You had to fucking hang out bro That's how you network back then Hang out, they fucking let everybody see your face Remember those days Joe? You will go out at 8 o'clock I would leave my house at 7.15, 7.30

and you just went to different fucking places. It's amazing how many. It's amazing how you brought up a few names today. These guys today brought up a few names. Sometimes you're driving to it somewhere else and you remember the exit. You go, oh my God. That's where that place used to be.

I remember fucking going to West Covina, 40 minutes back. Chino, there was a room on Sunday nights in Chino that paid $75. That's gas today. It's 50 to go to Chino and back and gas today. That's off the front. fucking 60 or something.

It's amazing, dog. It's amazing. I learned how to fucking navigate myself through L.A. from the rooms. It started with Rudy, you know, Hammer at the Brable. It just went everywhere else, man. Listen, man, I'm happy.

I got to get you on there. I wanted to show people that you're a bad motherfucking to follow you, you know. Thank you, man. And I'm happy that you're with Gabriel and they're taking good care of you coming out on the movie July 11th. July 11th.

And what are going up against? What are the movies are coming out that week? I think that Planet of the Apes Part 2 or something like that That's all I know I'll be fucking deep It'll be good man

Thank you for having me bro I'm a big fan I'm a big fan I'm fucking love you dog Pizza Pizza One of the realest guys around Joey fucking Diaz

Every time At least I get Every time I see this guy He puts a smile on my face Man listen When I go out sometimes Like you've heard all the stories You hear all the shit

And then you go out And you see these comments Like how you doing And they start telling you about What they did to do. When I see you, Al, it's just chill. It's just a joke or two. Bro, what do you think about this fight, bro? He tells me a Mexican mafia story. My dick gets hard. That's it. Where do you go? I don't know. He was here. He left. You're going out with us to now? No.

You're going out of us, okay? This party's stopping. You're not going to anywhere. I'm going to go to Ha Ha Ha Ha. I'm going to go to a Ha Ha Ha. I'm going to go. I got nothing to do. I told him I'm going to go to Ha Ha Ha Ha. I'm going to go to a Ha Ha Ha. What are you going to do? Go home. And do what? Black off. Stop being high. You know what? You're never going to stop being high. Oh, don't say that.

I gave you the deck of dose. You're going deep. Plus, you're going to eat another half of cookie now. Before we get off. Let me give a shout out to my fucking sponsors. You know what I'm saying? I don't know when this one's going to air some time next week. Well, let me give a shout out to Onet, one of the best fucking sponsors out there, honest of God, because their products work.

I wouldn't have somebody on this podcast if they suck dick. I love On It. I love from the Shroom Tech. I love the strong bone, the alpha brain is just tremendous. They got a money back guarantee. Every time I go on their webpage, I see something else on there, which lets me know they're working. They're always innovative. Go to honor.com.

I think they're offering 10% off. You press what in the box? Church. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. Get 10% off, get on the list, and also have the stay on-it program. With them mail it directly to you at the house in the first of the month. Also, a big round of applause for Dollar Shave Club.

One of the best fucking people out there. Don't forget about Father's Day on Dollar Shave Club. They got gift cards. Go to my Joey Deers.net. Go to Dollar Shave Club Box and press. Church. Church, C-H-U-R-C-H. And get the deal of a lifetime for razors.

No more going to fucking stores and standing online. You know what the average month of raises cost you? Like 11, fucking 12, 20 fucking dollars. You know how much it cost you with Dollar Shave Club? How about $1, $6, and $9? Get that again? You're like, Joey, you're bullshit me. That's right, motherfucker.

What you would spend in four months and raises, I'll fucking save you in a year, even if you get the $9 plan. Because 9 times 12 is what, Lee? 1-08. Are you fucking kidding me? It don't matter. It's somewhere over there.

Do the math yourself. We ain't no fucking calculator here, fucker. Go to Dollar Shave Club. They got braids, dependable. They last forever. That's what I use. I've got one ingrown hair this fucking year. They're tremendous.

They also have the fucking wipes. Your ass smells like peppermint. They have the shaving cream, which stops the fucking buffing on your face. They got everything. Go to Dollar Shave Club. Go to the box and press. Church. Ban.

If I tell you once, I tell you a million times. There's nothing like Huluplus.com with the emphasis on plus. They ain't fucking around no more. They got tremendous shows. What kind of shows? They got modern family. What else they got on there? They got new shows, they got the nightly shows

Like the Tonight show and Letterman and Any device you got, any device Roku, Chintu, Wanku Those aren't devices You're not naming devices I'm just fucking around I think those are some of the Chinese food dishes You were talking about earlier

What's the fucking what's the Wanku Manzoo Smart TV Roku Apple TV I'm back so PlayStation

Pretty much any streaming device you fucking own It took an hour and a half But I'm back Shut the fuck up bitch You got Hulu Plus That's how we roll. Go to Huluplus.com and go there and press on what? Joey. Because Hulu

Plus is so much more. Pressing fucking Joey. Get shows like modern family, the daily show, and scandal on the fucking arm. You got Nashville laws. You can binge watch them. You can do whatever the fuck you watch. Go to Huluplus.com. Sign up today. You get two weeks for free

and 799 a month. What's the code? Joey. Joey. J-O-E-Y. And also I'd give a shout out to one of the best flotation tank companies out there, escapotank.com. You understand me? As for just the model tank, get 150 off, just the tank,

it's a beautiful model. I'm stone to the gills. It don't matter. Listen, Jeremy's a great guy. You call him up, he's got the answers to all your fucking questions. You might call Jeremy up with an astronomical fucking question about the stars and Shakespeare, and he'll be right there on the 809. That's how Jeremy rolls.

Go to EscapePodtank.com. Look at their tanks. They got commercial tanks. They got residential tanks. You want them to install it? They'll fucking install it. You got somebody to install it. You just want to send out the tanks.

Go out there. Look at that. You're going to save thousands per tank. Anybody else got these tanks with three, four Gs more? Not EscapePod tank.com. All right? Go to Escape pod tank and press in. Just mention Joe.

Just mention fucking Joey. You all right? Diaz, Jews, sandals, fucking al-hummus. And you get $250 off. And with that, you can save money. somebody come over the house and install it for you're right I got cotton mouth we saw each other at the ice house the other night

that's sweet player yeah that was fun you're back I'm back me is back it's about time dog let's do this shit over you fucked up today I got here I'm here what's going on Are you ready for my mother? No Ready for a little edit we want? No thank you you guys thank you for giving us another week of the church

Thank you very much for staying up late and watching this tonight I'll let me thanks for my man Robes you know I love you to all my heart bad motherfucker look from the fluffy movie coming out July 11th and also to my main man Lysiah out one of the baddest fucking Jews out there

he came to a realization his grandmother was in a fucking camp for three weeks suffering so you could be an American cocksucker No that's not That is not what you said Shut up cockusk What I said

I ain't know Donald Sterling Yes you are No I'm fucking not Donald Sterling would love it if you came on and started saying shit I love the Jews you know that Cogsuckuckuck I just tell you how it is.

Your grandmother suffered in there for you not to eat edibles. You got to get it together. You're slipping. When I'm not for you an edible, you got to say, yes, Captain Kirk. You want to hit it in his pen before you leave? No, Captain Kirk. How come not? This is tremendous.

Oh, dude, I was so high. I was, like, falling asleep back there. It's like a little cozy home here. How can you be fucking? Huh? You're the man with the power. You get more booty calls 15 after every hour. That'd be nice.

All right. Read what you got to read. Let's get the fuck out of it. What's not nice. Now the show is over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus has you binge on thousands of it's shows. Thousands. Anytime anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet.

Support this podcast. Again, an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. When you go to HuluPlus.com slash Joey or go to Joey Dias.net and Google. Hulu Plus banner. Don't forget to sign up for a dollar shaveclub.com. Get high quality, raise your center your door every month for a fractionable but you pay at retail. Now go to dollar shaveclub.com forward slash church. or just go to jbdiaz.net and click on the dollar shapeflipater.

And again, thank you to skatepodtank.com. Go there and get money off of a sensory deprivation tank. Boom, I need it.