The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #186 | ERIC ROCHA | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Wednesday, August 3rd… Today we laughed with our Friend and Comedian, ERIC ROCHA!  Follow him on Social Media and his Website at: www.instagram.com/comedyrocha www.twitter.com/rochae_04 and at www.ericrochacomedy.com for Tour Dates and More!   This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com   This episode is also brought to you by Blue Chew, Factor & CBD Lion…   BLUE CHEW Go to https://www.BlueChew.com Promo Code: JOEY & Try For Free! Just $5 for Shipping!    FACTOR Go to https://go.factor75.com/joey130 and get $130 Off!    CBD LION Go to https://www.cbdlion.com  Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order!   Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world   And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz   #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #CBDLion #Factor #BlueChew #EricRocha   The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast   Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....   https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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The 3rd August, the heat has landed in fucking New Jersey. It's hot today. It was fucking hot yesterday. And tomorrow, they're telling you not even to leave the fucking house. I'm getting up Thursday morning, and I'm shooting right to the pool and I'm doing there all fucking day. When you see me next week,

I'll be brown as I don't know, one of those Cubans without the SPF. Anyway, it's a great fucking week. I got great show tonight, Uncle Vinny's, I got a show next Wednesday. I'm excited. I gotta be honest with you guys. I'm, uh, it's really weird how I've been getting into comedy again. Like I, I ordered, uh, stand-up comedy, the book, you know, I, it's just really weird. Like, I love creating. I love the beginning of doing stand-up comedy. I love after you shoot a

special searching for material. Like, you know, you'll do like 10 shows before a fucking, anything will come to you. And then when it does come, you're like, good. Now I got something to write off and then you struggle and struggle and keep writing and creep right. Just the whole thing about stand-up I've always loved. Guys, I don't know nothing about nothing. I mean, I don't know anything about anything. Politics, the world, why the Russians are fighting. I don't give a fuck.

When I got into comedy, I studied comedy inside and out. One thing about me is, man, I like to get into shit. I'm a geek about it. Like I want the nuts and bolts. I want all the exercises I need. I mean, this is why my jiu-jitsu is working now, because I'm not on the road. I'm scattered.

I'm at home. I'm controlled. You know, I do breath work. I do a little bit of everything, but nobody really knows how hard I work to be a comic. A decent comic. And I still think I fucking have a ton of holes in my game after 30 years. But I'm going to tell you something,

it takes 20 years to really give yourself a shot. a shot at stand-up. Like, I remember walking in the main room one night when I first got to the store. And, you know, I was a bombing machine then, and I didn't know how long my career would last at the comedy store. And I remember walking into the main room one night.

It was like a quiet, ho-hum night, like maybe a Thursday, maybe 150 people in the audience, but Mitzi Shaw was in one of the boots. And I saw that she was in there. I tried to get out before she could see me. And she goes, fat baby, come here and sit next to me. And I sat next to it, and I watched Paul, Rodriguez for about seven minutes and he was guys he was just destroying effortlessly like effortlessly

he was just destroying and before I could say something to her he she looked at me mitchie shaw and she goes that's what 20 years of comedy is the time I was doing comedy maybe like 11 years and I was thinking of fucking quitting already I was like I'm not going to do this I'd rather be a criminal but when she said that to me I'm like well if that's what I'm going to be in nine more years I must well stick it out from that more fucking years, right? What do I got to lose? I've already put 11 in this fucking thing, and I've gotten nowhere. What's another 9?

And that statement fucking changed my world when she said that to me, because it made me, like, I started looking at sets as opportunities. Like, every time you get a set, like, I never really, like, I came from a place in Denver where you had anywhere from 10 to 14 sets a month. Like, the highest amount of sets I did in all. all those years in Boulder was 16. And that's if I went to all the open mics that the Denver Comedy Works.

I got like two guest spots and I just did all the rooms around town. So I understood that a set from half of a small market that you had to make the most of your sets. You know, when you could do 20 sets in a week, you don't give a fuck about them. But when all you got is five sets a week,

you fucking start working a little harder on them and you start going, you know what? They have to work. I have to try this. On this, I would do sets and not curse. I tried everything, guys. I tried everything for as long as I could. If this, an exercise in stand-up comedy, I fucking did it.

And it paid off. And the most important thing about stand-up comedy is taking chances. Yes, you have to write, but you also have to love taking chances. And the more chances you start taking, they'll fail. But the more you start taking time. chances the better you become as a comic. Same thing with jujitsu. I go to jujitsu now and I train on the bottom and I train to control or break his posture. That's it. Because by breaking his posture, then you get the openings. That's why I always say I was on my white belt podcast last week and I

always said jujitsu is an art like stand-up comedy. It keeps growing. It keeps improving and it keeps changing so it's a living breathing fucking art you can't read and research enough of stand-up the only way by getting out there is by getting out there it's the only problem with stand-up just like jujitsu you cannot do stand-up against a fucking mirror you get this is me uh what happens when a guy walks in a bar that's not going to work with a mirror you can't do jih Tzu by yourself you got to show up and same thing with a musician but you can practice by yourself as a musician but you can practice by yourself as a musician with that live experience, you want people in front of you. To see, stage presence, you've got to work at all this shit.

So when you're working on your stand-up career guys, I really want, listen, Joe Rogan is an intelligent, man, never been arrested, never had a problem with the law, just he digs me. He doesn't dig me because I'm funny, doesn't dig me because I'm popular. Me and him built a bond from working stand-up. Our bond is not smoking weed like you people think or doing podcasts. Our bond is stand-up. He knows the respect I have for stand-up. I was a criminal all my life. I'm not a criminal when it comes to stand-up.

I do everything by the book and I fucking love it. And I don't mind. Listen, the best thing is being down. I love being down. Like right now I'm down. I'm not doing theaters and I don't want to do any of that shit. I just want to fall in love with. The simple routine of getting on stage and having a great time and going home.

That's it. I don't want to get to the most fun I had doing stand-down was when I was broke. But anyway, enough with comedy in my world. I got a guest today's name is Eric Roach. I love this fucking guy with all my heart. I met him in L.A. like three or four years ago, and we've been friends. And I've watched his comedy career grow, and it's been a fucking pleasure for me. He's my best friend in the gay community.

I love him to death. We laugh all the time. We talk at night. He tells me stories are coming on feet and shit, and I love them all. Anyway, listen, we'll be back to read the sponsors afterward, but that's it. I'll see you motherfuckers Monday morning.

It's a long podcast. I don't want to take your time. Have a great weekend. I'll see you guys tonight at Uncle Vinnie's. If not, I'll see you's all Monday morning. Stay black. I love you, motherfuckers. Enjoy it.

Eric Rocha. good time. He does it all, cock sucker. He's like Prince. There he is. Look at him. My brother. He's all dressed up doing the town. Doing the town. All dressed up. I showed up with a big dick and a bag of zero sugar twizzlers.

You understand me? It makes zero sugar? Oh my God. Only at CVS. Fucking tremendous. You get these gay boys love this shit. You tickle a little asshole with a little nut sack. Look at this thing. You just tickle that little nut sack. with a liquorish dick

as you're banging them the muffler they'll go crazy this is shit that regular gay people don't even understand a little licorish in the nutsack

gay guys know but these fucking mooks at home they think they sling dick they fuck their wives once a month they come in two minutes gay guys got it going on they hit each other

with feathers and licorish and fucking tremendous what's up you bad motherfucker I miss you I miss you I haven't fucking laughed and God knows how long

about this shit. Come on. Dog, the reason why I had to have you on this week, I got to complain. The gay community is slipping in New Jersey. I think I got to bring you back here and drop you off in Asbury Park

so you can fuck a bunch of these little skinny white dudes with tight shorts. They don't know. They don't know. They don't know. They don't know that you'll rip them, fucking pants off, and have them sucking their dick

without two minutes right at the baseball game with a Yankee shirt on. They're over there cheering. Fucking, look at Eric. It's stuck in me. motion. It looks like Lee with edibles. Look at him. He's hiding behind the mic. He's all fucking stuck and shit.

Eric, come back, cuck, sucker. This is tremendous. This is the Zoom life of podcasting. There he is. All right. It got too hot. The gays cut this shit off. They don't like it when you talk like that. What's happening, my

brother? I miss you, man. I miss you too. I'm so fucking long. I know. Guess what? I'm doing a lot better now. And we're back. We're back fucking poachron people. Beeping at people. Tell them to suck your dick. I tell you.

So one night we were doing, I can't remember what we were doing. Oh, we were doing a mic. And I didn't have a car then. And you tell me you go, all right, where do you want to go? Don't give me no details. Just tell me where you want me to go. And I said, all right, I want you to take me to this gay bar up the street. And you go, I've heard of that bar.

You didn't say anything. You just fucking... You just look forward. And you let me out of the bar. And when I turned to tell you, thank you, you fucking cruised away. Dog, I don't want to get hit by sperm, like fucking Clarice Twining in the fucking silence of the lamb when she's walking up and Meg Strosse a shot of come on you. If you get here with a car of shot of come while you're walking past the gay bar, you're done. That's the origin of the sperm.

You just pass out. and wake up with birds singing around you and fucking three gay guys picking you up, bring you to the back. And that's it. Don't ever get hit with, don't let a gay guy spit on you in front of a gay bar or fucking shoot a come on your leg

because it's not going to end well for you. Any professional knows that. You told Lee you said you're going to wake up in that bar with your shoes on backwards. Oh, yeah. Now, that was the bar on the other side of Burbank Boulevard that just looked skewery. Gary.

Oh, yeah. It's horrifying. Because I took Lee there, because remember you said, you go, I want you to do something for Lee this weekend. I said, what's up, do you? I want you take him to that boy. Take him. Do him a favor. I'll take him, but he's not going to want to go.

He goes, just do him in favor. Just take him and let him see how the other side lives. So when he walks in, he walks in. There's a guy in a leather mask with a zipper mouth, and he's blown. dude and the other guy's got a chain on and he's kind of delegating his rhythm and Lee walks in the first thing he sees that he goes I really don't want to be here

so wait a second the guy was sucking his dick at the bar this is what I'm talking about you guys go to fucking buffalo wild wings to watch UFC and eat wings with your little fucking idiot friends this guy walked into a bar and a guy was getting his dick suck with a mask

with a fucking zipper that right there that right there I give the guy 50 like here you go thank you for entertainment but the guy had a chain to fucking control his rhythm you understand me guys I'm not telling you should be gay but I'm telling you if you're young considerate because once

you get old like me they ain't nothing crackleckin the pussy gets old everybody's old around you but gay guys they sling dick till they're 80 they don't give a fuck because there's always some guy that's willing to suck your dick it's unreal to me I can be 60 I can't find somebody to suck

my dick like a girl but if I'm a man I could just go to Asbury Park, rub some bengue on my shoulders, and boom, there I am. Fucking. I did a show in Asbury Park the other night, and this is why I had you on the podcast, before I forget.

As soon as I went to Asbury Park, like there were 60 people in the room, maybe 10 of them were gay guys. They were very cute. But you could tell these guys don't even go to a gym or nothing. They go to the beach, and, you know, they don't tackle anybody.

Like, no gay guys have ever tackled. them like they're not used to that. As I was walking back to my car, I go, I like to unleash Eric onto Asbury Park with a helicopter, just drop them off with a fucking parachute, naked from the waist down, like with a fucking giant helmet on

and just land in Asbury Park and fucking go, I'm here, yum yums for a fucking week. This is some Mexican cock coming at you. Everybody likes Mexican food, bro. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah, the Asbury Park gay guys seem like the gay guys

are like Pueblo, Colorado. They haven't been fucking schooled yet. You know what I'm saying? These guys don't want to go into the city. Because the city's the major league of gayism. Like if you go into the village, there's clubs down there that you just come, they just, you fucking leave there with an IV bag filled with sperm.

That goes right into your arm and shit, right? You ever see those old gay guys? They just have an IV connected to their arm and it's like bubbly sperm and shit and that. They're giggling. It's like ketamine for them. You know what I'm saying? like, Ted to me.

Michael, I knew this was gonna be fucking tough. I keep laughing to the fucking life. I love it.

I love all this shit. I got to sit around drive and think this shit to myself. It's no fun. I got to express it to people. Michael,

I was going through my messages, and I had one from Joey. And it was like at 1.30. He tells me, he goes, what are you doing,

Cocksucker? I just came back from my messages. line in that chamber. I'm feeling good. You know what I know? I'm doing it. I'm doing it right. And then he goes, I was thinking about you because they were playing Madonna.

I looked and this message was like four minutes. And three in those minutes is just Joey singing get into the group. You got to move. Hey, what? I can hear I can hear like a car honk.

And I'm laughing because I realize he's on the road and he's fucking serenading Madonna too. I love it. I love it. A little physical elute, whatever, physical attraction. When Madonna comes on, you got to jump up and down and move your hips, dog. She's the patron saying that gay men. When she shows up, everybody's getting their dick sucked, right? When Madonna shows up, gay people could not be happier in their life.

As soon as Madonna walks in your gay bar, gay people, it's like the Pope walking in. You know what I'm saying? Remember when the Pope walked into a gay bar And three guys are sitting there Good Wait to the fucking I'm serious I dog I'm in New York in the 80s

Madonna walked into your gay Everybody was sucking dick Everybody There was a fountain of a guy sucking dick everybody There's a fountain of a guy Eric one thing I am Impressed with since I left Los Angeles

Is a lot of you motherfuckers kept moving up the ladder and I'm really proud of you guys you, Randy Villarba fucking Diagostino there's so many years that before the pandemic you were like open micas

you stuck it out during the pandemic and you automatically became a blue belt you became a fucking feature actor or at least you're getting spots at the improv and I'm so fucking proud of you guys the idea went to the Yankee game and I know you're going to hear this joke

as soon as I say it to you. I'm at the Yankee game, and at the end of the row, there's a beautiful black couple. She's an older woman, a little heavier. You could see she was beautiful. She was beautiful. You know, she had white hair,

but it was in tight redlocks, and the brother was fucking cool as shit, and then there was a white couple next to them, and they were being kind of rambunctious, and the black people were like sitting there going, we don't even give a fuck about Black Lives Matter. What the fuck was wrong with these white people? I'm looking at them, and I can see.

Finally, the white chick peaked. All right? I knew. I knew it was coming. She just barbs. And then she gets up and they fucking faint, you know,

because they're giving her daqarees and shit. She's probably some little white chick from Long Island. Didn't even have a fucking burger for breakfast. So the chick falls down. She got like an Asian friend

with her. You don't want to puke when you got an Asian friend. They don't know what the fuck to do. They're looking around looking for pork chops and shit. So finally the fucking, you're not going to believe this shit.

Finally the fucking the medical crew comes down. pick her up, they do the whole thing. And then the usher comes and he goes, listen, I'm sorry about this to the two black people. The white people, fuck you, you puked, yeah, and then there was two white people had them, they're like, what the fuck's going on?

So the guy came, you're going to love this. There was three people. It was a mom, a dad, and the son, and a black couple behind them. Okay, finally, the guy comes and he goes, listen, you got to leave your seats because we got to clean up the pew. And just go up there and we'll let you know. Now, I heard the guy goes,

The black woman goes, are you going to put his back here? We're getting different seats. He goes, I don't know, let me see what I could do for you. So a couple minutes later goes by, they bring the white dude down with his kid, and he sits right on top of the puke. They cleaned it out.

I was 10 feet from the pew, and I could smell it. You know that fucking, smoke like New Orleans. You ever go to New Orleans and wall all these people? So the black couple comes back down, and then the hush is like, there you go, there's your chair. And you ever hear that DiAgostino joke that black people don't yelp?

Only white people yelp. Black people fucking want to talk to the manager, right? Fucking hilarious. I'm looking at this and I'm like, wouldn't this be a pissive? This was a Diagostino minute. And that black lady looked at the chair and she looked at the white us and she goes, I ain't sitting here. I want to talk to your fucking boss.

I ain't sitting in this pukey chair. I want to go right down there behind home plate. That's what happened. And the dude just looked at it. And she started getting louder. Like, listen. Who do I have to call? I will call George Steinbrenner out of his grave.

That white dude panicked and took it right behind home plate. They were down there jumping up and down. Listening to the OJs, they were having a good fucking time. But only in America. Black people don't yelp. They get their pay there. They don't want a fucking dinner in two months. They don't want a voucher.

They don't want nothing. We got to take care of this right now. That's why I love the African American community. they ain't sitting those puky chairs the white people sat down like nothing like they were like oh great that's a great country to be in the fucking brothers like we ain't sitting those puky chairs you better

and nobody sat there the rest of the show but the three white dudes sat there with the kid well so on that note I was I was getting the fucking monkey pox vaccine you what? Yeah why?

Oh that's right I don't have monkey bite you got to be careful can you catch it from slinging oh yeah oh yeah you can catch it it's just from contact

so if you're hugging people with monkey pox you can get that shit so yeah so be careful watch out you're the only gay man I'm hugging

now what the fuck is monkey fox explain it to us because a lot of white single guys don't even want to ask like human people we don't know about my monkey So it's a viral thing. Like I said, it's not HIV because you can live from it.

So it gives you really fucking terrible lesions and shit like that all over your fucking on your face, on your arms. I got a lesion, but it's a staff infection. But if I were to know it, I got checked out for monkeypox because I didn't know what the fuck was going on. It took two months to heal this fucking thing. Two rounds of antibiotics. Well, I'm in line to get the vaccine And they were like, I'm sorry There's too many of you gays out here

We don't have enough vaccine to cover the spread And I was like, oh shit And just like you said though, it was this little little Twinkie guy in a fucking Tommy Bahamas shirt Really short shorts He's got these big Harry Potter glasses And he goes, um, no And I'm not shitting you

For 45 minutes, this poor, these nurses and shit that are just, they're taking their time, they're being really, really night, and the whole time he's fucking his neck's going back and forth and his fingers like an inch from the guy's face, and he's like, do you understand how long I had to wait?

I drove from San Diego. I drove from San Diego. And the whole time, now all the gays that everybody's just kind of like looking at this motherfucker. And not only that, he's standing there and he goes, you know what? you know what no if you don't like it go home and the guy fucking starts putting the tent that had all the

vaccines away so you're putting the fucking vaccines gays they'll fucking they want to talk to the manager too they don't give a shit then they're they're fucking they're caddy about it too like even when they do get their way they'll still be fucking catty to a manager now you know what the crazy thing is like monkey pock started showing up this like 2,000 cases in new york yeah it's like i saw at the gym today i was on cnn that's 149 in juries So we're okay. But there's what I'm wondering about this shit. Two guys got monkeypox and they already had a vaccine.

My wife's like, I go, how the fuck did they do it? She goes, well, they just used the smallpox and whatever. They got a monkey and cut his eyebrow off and put some hairs in there. I guess that fucking does it for you, right? So, but here's the thing. They came out with a COVID vaccine in two years. White people. I'm not taking it.

I'm not doing it. Black people. I'm not doing it. Kyrie Anderson, whatever. People lost their jobs. This is a funny fucking story. They put a monkey box out, gay guys like, listen, I ain't dying from COVID,

and I ain't dying from getting fucked in the ass. But if I had to die, I'm dying from COVID. I ain't dying from monkey poxers. I don't want to go out that way, so I'll get the vaccine. They went right down and got the vaccine. It's funny because I went to LBI last week, and when I went to ice cream,

a girl walked over to me, fucking beautiful, yoked. And she was a lesbian, you know, beautiful girl. And then she brought over like a 20 fucking partners. They were all firefighters in like fucking Brooklyn. And I go,

how many women? I don't mean to be rude. I just didn't even know that they were hiring women in the Pride Department. Because you could say it. Lesbians. You can say it.

She goes, they hired about 60 of them and I don't give a fuck these pussies that didn't want the vaccine. We just rolled right to fuck up and took the vaccine. We don't need our uterus and we don't want periods anyway.

So we don't give a fuck. We just want to eat pussy and fight fires. Think about that. They went and got the vag we don't give a fuck about our uterus. That's for fucking plain women. We're slinging big lips on our pussy, you know, spreading

bad information. Fucking everybody's spreading bad information, you dumb motherfuckers. We had well, we had two prides this year, and it was funny. We had Weho Pride and we had Hollywood Pride. And I got to carry a sign for one of the prides. And they were like, do you want to be in the Hollywood one too?

And it was so fucking hot. And it was so long that I told him, I don't know if I want to do this. And I wanted to sit on the float. And I'm not shitting you, Joey. They wouldn't let me on the float. Why? They didn't let me on the float. The floats were for the fucking go-go boys and the strippers. They had all the ugly fags doing the legwork. Well, you got to show up with the fucking thong. See, me, I'm a fag.

I'm no good-looking fag. But I'm showing up with a thong, chancletas, and I'm getting right up there with the Spanish people. Because the Spanish people will take anybody, as long as you're up there slinging. Venga, pinga, chochia. They're up there yelling, throwing sperm at the people with confetti.

They don't fuck around. The Latino, gay contingent, I love them. They're the ones that loop sucked me in because they don't give a fuck. All the other gay racists talk too much. Latinos, they don't get them. Right? Gay racist, they always...

I'm thinking to be, even like when a brother's gay, shut the fuck up. You're gay, I'm happy, but don't fucking break it down like a white dude. Like, the reason why I'm gay is because I was playing basketball one time and some guy slammed down me. No, he didn't. Your uncle fucked with you. And this is what happens, crazy, cracky motherfucker.

You probably had one of these black pedophiles, like African Mombada as an uncle or some shit. Do you see they try to take African Mumbada? bother down because he molested little boys like 80 years ago. They're still like fucking don't listen to Planet Rock. Rock, rock, planet rock. Don't stop.

Rock, rock, planet rock. I was pissed because they didn't even talk to gay people in the New York gay parade. The Pride parade. They didn't have gay men. It was a transvestite, a tranny fucking whatever the fuck you

call. Not a transvestite, a transgender. the fucking whatever a guy was in charge of the way it was the fucking gay is gay pride and all of a sudden they just chiseled the people let me tell you what the trannies did this is why I'm really mad to transgenders

and gay people will understand what I'm talking about because just with their little bullshit they don't cut off their dicks they don't do nothing and they want to take all the fucking heat from gay men lesbians and most importantly trannies just regular trannies the people who introduced me to life

let me tell you something these guys they laid the brickwork for all this that's going on in this country. Really, think about it. Like the old gay guys, I saw it. One of my best friends, and I loved to death until I robbed him, he was part of that gay fucking, he set the groundwork for the gay people. And the second people that did it were the transvestite. The guys that work hard is a butcher all week.

And then Friday comes, they want to stop. They want to duct tape that nut sack and that dick, put on a wig, shave that goatee, and just let the pieces fall. They may. You know what I'm saying? Those guys show up with like the bottom of the bag of the gay community. They'll show up with like a gay guy missing a leg like he got shot in Vietnam or something like that. They never show up with like healthy looking gay guys.

That's okay. But they've thrown him, they've eliminated that whole transvestite thing. That pissed me off. There's still a place in my heart for tranny. Just people, guys that just don't want to make the full commitment. They want to be Henry again on Monday. You know what I'm saying? Like they want to be whatever.

their names are Adam Henry I don't fuck them I think the funniest gay thing I've ever heard was that gay dude that told me about Adam and Steve I almost fucking died he's like listen I talked about Adam and Steve I'm like who was Adam and Steve

he goes it used to be Adam and Eve but now it's Adam and Steve you used to crack me up you talk about Ramrod you said that the floors were designated to each branch of the of the pride community. And you said the first floor was a gay floor.

Second was lesbian. You said third floor is where you just do whatever you had to do. Do what you want to do. You come up to me and go, you got a light of fluid. I want to light my asshole on fire. I got to talk to you. Really, you're going to let your ass on fire? Well, listen, don't let me miss it.

I'm going to buy your drinks. I don't miss that. You said you. What was that fucking song? I can never remember the song. It was beep, beep. Listen, gay people love that song There's another one called

It's by some Puerto Rican guys It's the sexoettes Something Okay It's not dancing It's always on Studio 54 It's an old gay song From the 70s

It is brilliant Because at the end The Puerto Rican guy goes Okay, okay darling My chiffon is wet My wig is wet He says When he says

His chiffon is wet. I almost crashed the car every fucking time. And I've heard that song since I was six. But every time he goes, my chiffon is wet, darling. My chiffon is what. Well, this is what made me laugh at those. You said that they would deal drugs at the top because that's where you would get the best coke.

The quailuge and coke. And what always made me laugh was you said when the cops came in to raid the place, that black guy always had, like he said he was on skates and he had a whistle. Little whistle. I was the lookout. And he would beep, beep, beep, doo, too. That's the cops, cock sucker. Little whistle.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. It's like the beginning of Donna Summer. Bad girls. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep. Bap. Beep. When you hear that whistle,

you know they're fucking putting on their gear. They got their fucking black things under their eyes. They're going to go out in the sunlight and be fucking gay and tackle people. That's what you said. You said it was. You go, that's why I like them, because they're smart. They're smart. We used to fucking crack up a ton in L.A.

Like, with Lee, me, and you at night, we would just do, guys, we didn't need to go to a bar. We didn't need to hang out with famous comics. We didn't need to do shit. We would just get high. We would talk about being gay and Lee. That was it. That was it. I don't know if I told this story just because it's fucking.

to Lornell but you had called me and you had said hey Lee's coming right now tell him he doesn't look good and I was like all right why what's going he goes no just fucking tell me I doesn't look good he's fine and I go okay you all right love you bye and Lee comes around the corner and I look at him and he's

like hey what's going on and I go hey you're feeling all right man and he goes why and I go you look kind of pale and dude he went he goes fucking goddammit did joey talk to you and i go no why what's up what's wrong and he goes oh all right so i went to a rub and tug and i think the lady gave me something and i go what and he goes yeah i went to a massage place and they offered to they offered to finish me off and i was like okay yeah so then i fucking go talk to

joey and then joey starts talking he's like oh you can't go to that place you didn't hear they had an outbreak of an STD you got to go get yourself checked you don't look good And I had to bite my fucking lip because then I understood why you were like, when you see Lee tell him he don't look good. I'm not kidding you. Lee didn't even do the mic. He goes, I got to go. He fucking got back in his card peeled out.

I made a big mistake. I made a big fucking mistake. And we all make huge mistakes. You know, Josh Wolf put up some videos of me with his son from 20 years ago. And I go, Josh, you know, we weren't thinking clearly. that should have been a web series. You know? Oh.

I love doing the podcast with Lee. I enjoyed that office. I enjoyed everything about it. But my biggest mistake was that office was not taping people from the minute they walked in, which I don't like doing because it's creepy. I have to tell you. And once I tell Mike, I tell you that the camera's on,

you're going to act differently. And that's what we didn't want. But I got to be honest with you, some of those nights before and after, I wish people could see those. They were fucking, you know, you got to remember, we would end the podcast at 10, but we wouldn't leave that though one in the morning.

One, two, in the fucking morning. You know, we did a podcast at one in the afternoon. We didn't get home until six. It was like a two-hour podcast, one-hour pre-party, and a two-hour after-party, we'd get food and fucking, you know. And people could never understand. But for me, I think one of the best experiences I had on that podcast was one night, He goes to Vegas.

This was the story. He goes to Vegas with my other buddy. And my other buddy loves to torture people. He was the Lee should have not gone to Vegas with that motherfucker. He gave Lee a Viking or something, a happy pill. Lee had a couple drinks. And then Lee was, he lost all whatever. You know, it happens to all of us.

I used to have a cocktail and want to break into a house. I would lose control, you know? So they went to this fucking strip club, not a strip club, but tugging jug or whatever. and there was one Chinese chick left. And I guess she rubbed them both. Like she was going from one room to the other. So when he called me the dude,

and he goes, don't say nothing. I took Lee to get a hand job. He fucking loved it. He paid $140 or whatever. I actually didn't say nothing to leave for about six weeks. I didn't bring anything up. I was going to set him up. It was one of the greatest setups I've ever done in my life.

I really wanted to attack him like a week later, but I had to bite my tongue. I'm like, let this guy let it fucking romulate, whatever that word is. So one night, something, I just walked in. I go, Lee, have you spoken to him? And he goes, no, not at all. And I go, that's funny.

And then after it was when I go, Lee, you haven't spoken to him? And he goes, no, not really. I go, listen, I don't want to fucking hurt your feelings. Did you go to some massage parlor with him? And he just, his eyes got big, and he turned pale. He didn't think I knew. I go, did you go home to massage Paul? He goes, yeah, it was fun.

I go, fun. I go, Larry's in the hospital. His dick blew up. Now, I kept the straight face. It was one in the morning. It was one in the morning. We're fucking higher than fuck. And he just looked at me and froze.

He's like, what are you talking about? I go, his dick blew up. And he's not in good shape. He's in the hospital in critical condition. I go, the chick had something on the fucking hand. And when she rubbed his dick, I go, did you get a hand job from the same girl? And he's like, and he was just stale. By this time, all the.

color in his face had gone. His little lip was trembling. And he goes, yeah, I think I did. I go, well, then you better get checked out. And he's like, um, mm, he started making Jew noises, those little noises he used to make. Mm, mm, mm, mm, what am I going to tell Paul? You're not going to tell Paul of nothing.

But the best, like, I'm playing him, and he's digging himself deeper. He doesn't stop and go, you motherfucker. He's digging himself deeper on his own. Like, he's like, ah, eh, eh. and find that just to take the attention out of the room, I go, Lee, why don't you go in the other room? Bring a light with you, bring the magnifying glass.

Look at your dick. We had a magnifying glass and think. I go, look at your dick and see what's going on. See if there's a couple spots, then we'll go to a doctor tomorrow. He takes about 10 minutes. He comes back and he's like, I have a spot on my dick. And I'm like, oh, no. Well, I'm just feeding him.

He's online looking for doctors. It's one day in the morning. Should I go to the hospital? No, they don't have stuff to cure that type of syphilis. I just kept giving it lanes. And he's starting to fucking... I mean, he was fucking upset. And I go, Lee, I'm only fucking with you.

And he's like, huh. And then he gave out one more Jew noise. Yeah. And I'm like, Lee, nothing to happen. That next morning I called him. Even after I told him the truth. I go, where are you? He goes, can I call you back?

I go, why? why, because I'm at the doctor's office getting a test. He was always at the doctor's office. Always. You know what's funny, though? And I'll give him credit to this. Every once in a great while, he would try to fuck with you too. And it would crack me up when we were going,

I don't remember where the fuck we were going. But we were driving back and you got pulled over. Oh, shit. Up in Ventura or something like that. And we're sitting there and I'm in the back of the car. And you said, you knew that you go, all right, everybody, hands up. And you put your hands up on the dashboard. And you said, just make sure your hands are where they can see them.

And you go, I'm not being no statistic. You're in the car, laugh at it. And you go, God damn it. You go, fucking, I should have been, I should have been looking out. It should have been looking out. Fuck. And you were upset. And then Lee just looks at you and he goes,

do you think you're going to get a ticket? It was the equivalent in Animal House when he goes over to those guys and he just goes, you guys playing cards? You think you're going to get a ticket? And you just did that, you go, how the fuck do I know if he's going to give me a thing? I hope he doesn't.

And he didn't. He just told the slow fat. I think I was doing like 90 or 80. You were fucking hauled out. I was hauling ass. Because what you would do on the way up is we were driving and you were listening to disco and there were these cones and you would swerve and you would hit a cone around. So people have no idea I love to hit cones, run over cones. And I do this shit, but I'm by myself to entertain myself.

I don't need nobody in the car with me to have a good time. That's why I was like because the ride up was just as much fucking foot. I was like, and I was like, I was calculating, I was like that it's like a fucking like, like, it's like a fucking like. a couple hundred a cone that you hit and just as many cones as you hit like we wouldn't have fucking made money off the game that's how fucking many dogs I'm thinking about

those people around the corner from my house I used to run over their cones every night what they think is happening right now like they're probably a barbecue's like man whoever was running over our cones just stop running over them dog I could be it could be one of the morning I could be tired

and I go I got to go back over there and run over their cones I could be I can have to take a shit And I would run over there to run over that cones We We would do gigs like at Fourth Wall We do gigs at Fourth Wall And I know you did this on purpose

You would time it so that by the time We got out of Fourth Wall To go get something to eat The Knights of Columbus would come out of their meetings And you would pull over right alongside them Bro the window down and you'd Beep beep cocks sucker that you would fucking deal out.

I got to be honest you want to, I love to laugh. I love to laugh at stupid shit. I love when you're high on an edible or high on a mushroom and you laugh and you can't control yourself in it. Like you think you're going to die. I love all that shit.

But I had a friend growing up. He's passed now. I love him to death. It's crazy. He died about a year and a half ago. And I've been thinking about him a lot to last year because I couldn't. I was too fucking sick

to even know what the fuck was going on when he died. He was the king of that. When I tell you, there's times I drive and I hear his voice and I laugh because I know what he would say about some of these people. Like where I got, like I was telling Mike that I went to the Yank game, there was a lady on her feet were purple. Like she had diabetic feet and shit. Like I got a fucking fungi toenail.

I'm all right, but my feet ain't fucking purple or turning red. or pink. This lady was fucking huge. Her feet were purple on the bottom. She had dirt on the heels. She was a mess. And both feet were purple. Like she had like blood clots or whatever on her foot. What was her answer? She's eating popcorn

at the Yankee game. And all of a sudden she just put two tattoos on her foot. Like this will take care of the feet. Nobody's going to know about the diabetes. I don't even know how we got to this. But I love driving and just saying, like, the most important, funniest thing is when you see somebody and they look a little off and you say to yourself, what the fuck is this thing? Look at this fucking beauty.

The best is when you're with somebody and you see somebody that looks fucked up and you hit him in the arm and you go, relative. And they just look at you like, what the fuck? That's not my cousin. But that's the best. Whenever I see somebody fucked up, I'll look at whoever I'm. I'm with and I'm going, hey, relative. But I used to have a buddy that would go up to you and just say shit. Like there was a guy

once freezing at the bus stop and he pulled up next to him. He's like, get home cocksucker. Look at you, you're free. There was another guy picking up paper with his stick once. And he asked him, how his business picking up? The guy was furious. Another guy was swapping, you know, sweeping his stairs at 6 in the morning.

We'd be all cooked up for the night before. My friend would pull up. Get the house, Cock sucker. And the guy would pick up the broom and go to hit us, and then we peel off and shit. I remember one time, I was on a bus on Bergenleine Avenue, and there was a dude next to me. The window was open. There was a dude next to me with the window open.

And I swear to God, I spit, and it landed right on his fucking head right here, like a little looty dupe, like a little di-dupe, like a little di-dip with a curl. And he started just shaking his head, and the spit kept going back and forth, like one of those little Chinese drums they use. An acupuncture with the little drum with the little two fucking arms, and you spin him around. Unreal. Unfeckin real. That laughing is still...

Funny as shit. I still remember this. You would pull shit. And it's like one of my favorite reveries. You would bullshit. And me and Lee would just sit there. And Lee had the perfect analogy for you. It was the best one I've ever heard.

We were sitting there one time because you would left. And you would tell me you go, I'm sorry. And you were legitimately like apologetic. And I go, what's what, man? What's going on? And I thought something was wrong with you. And you go, I took all kinds of garlic pills today to fart and really freshen the room up for you. I can't fart.

I don't know what's wrong with me. And you walked out. And me and Lee were sitting there and I go, why does he think I would like that? We both just started laughing. And Lee looks at me and he goes, the thing about Joey is he has a plan, but he's the only one that knows what it is. And I looked there, I was like, oh my God, that's exactly what it is. And that's, you've always been like a practical joker like that. And all the, like, even all the gigs that you've done, it was so fucking funny because we did the ice house one time.

And we pulled up. And I remember you would hotbox that car. And I mean, just weed smoke is billy in it. And then Lee would just sit there. And I remember looking because the show started at eight. And it's like 750, 752. 755 and finally at like 756

Lee looks at you and he goes we should probably go in because the show starts at 8 and you took a big old rip and you go well I'm not on till 9 you're on at 8

you fucking open up that door oh my God oh my God I ran around the car and then I was I was fucking laughing and we were laughing we got out. Please, like, fucking waddling around the car,

and he goes, I don't know why you're fucking laughing, because you're coming up right after me, you asshole. You know, man, it was really crazy that those were the best comedy gigs I was doing at the time. Really? Yeah, because I was doing all those theaters and shit, and that wasn't comedy. That was a fucking hellhole. Like, I wasn't

having any fun doing those theaters. You're supposed to be having fun doing those theaters. I wasn't. It had become work to me. My gigs with you guys, whether The gigs I enjoy. Those little simple gigs that nobody gives a fuck that we could giggle and fart. And, you know, that's what comedy is, man.

And the last two, three, four, five, six years, that comedy gift had been taken away from me. It was work. It wasn't fun no more. Me going to the ice house with you guys. That was fun. Me going to the comedy store with you guys. And even the comedy store became work. I had to work.

I had to be a comic. I couldn't just be me. at the ice house, I don't give a fuck. I was going up there to hang out with you guys to talk to people. It was 98 people. You know, it was a great room. It was wild, though, because you would do sets, and we would watch you because truth is, is not every feature watches their headliner, and they should.

But we would watch you because you would do shit that we had never, you had talked about it in the car. And you were like, I think I'm going to put this to. together and you would do it and it'd be fucking solid on stage and then we do another gig and you do it completely different and that would be solid too and i just remember it was such an it's such an odd thing that you would fly that way like it was it was just one of those things where a small group of people where you could really let loose and like really look at people yeah you were it was incredible.

It really was. It was something to see because I still have notes that Lee and I, we would write down like shit that you said and how you phrased it. And we would say like, fuck, dude, he did it this way this night, but the punch was harder this night. And it was so wild because

your setup versus your premise, you would find different shit and you would go down different avenues. I mean, you said something at me one time that every comic, you're an amalgam of the friends that you keep. and it's it's fucking true because now like I said when I go on stage it there's a little Joey Diaz in there there's a little bit of Eddie Murphy in there there's a little bit of

Richard Pryor I mean all of these comics that I adored they're all in there and then as you start to kind of progress I think that's how like the improv started coming is honestly I just I stopped giving a shit and it was like I want to have fun because that's that's what I'm about this for is it's the fun So yeah, and that was it. Like you would, you, your green room was always something fascinating because I've had comics ask me what you're like in the green room. And I always laugh because I was liking it to fucking a fighter right before a fight.

Because you weren't all jump around and expending. You were like, okay, I want to sit down and it's the calm before the storm. And I remember we were doing shows in La Jolla and you beat the shit out of that. first show. You beat the fuck out of it. And then you came back to that room and you told me and Lee, you said, all right, change it up. Change up everything. And we were like, what do you mean? And you go, they have people that were from the first show. They're staying for the second show again. And they release some more seats. So whatever you're doing, just fuck around with it. This is the crowd to do it. You've got a bit that you want to work on, do it now.

And you did that. And you did it completely different than how you did the first show. And it was one of the craziest fucking things. And that night is really how I figured out, okay, there's a difference between being in the moment and having all this written shit prepared. Because you knew the material because you'd gone over it so much,

but you couldn't really live in it if you weren't being like that because you did something that nobody believes me when I tell them this. You would never tell us how much time we were doing. We would always have to hear off other people.

And I tell other comics that they go, well, how the fuck would you know when to come off stage? And I'd say, well, you'd get the light. You'd get the light at five. And they go, so Joey wouldn't tell you. I go, no, anytime I tried it once. And you looked at me and you go, what's with all the questions? And I just went, uh, don't ask him. Don't ask how much time.

And I go, isn't that something we kind of need to know? And he went, I don't know. just fucking ran away but you would never tell us the time so what that forced me to do was if I had a bit I had to explore it I had to live in it I had to try it out

I had to really fucking go back and forth now it's it's hilarious because I'll go up there and I did a show just recently with Jeff Dye and Kurt Metzger it was the Hard Lemonade show and Monterey's a great great great comic she's coming up you'll hear about her

she's like hey I want you to do this show and I was like okay cool I don't even know if they gave me how much time I was doing and they asked me they go don't you don't you know how much time you're doing I was like no why and they were like I because so you can do your so you know what material to do and I was like I yeah I don't know I just I don't work that way and it's from you that I got that and like I said I love I love doing that dude is that you you learn how to be a savage on stage by putting yourself through that kind of shit. And so you would never do that.

But it's funny because I've never got to tell you this to thank you for that. It put me in a different category of comedy now because the one thing that I really love about that, I had drinks with Jeff Dye and we were talking about you last night. Same thing with Brian Simpson too. Everybody talks about you and how hard you crush. And I get because you would say, light me. when there's five minutes left. And I was like, fuck.

Like, how much time is he going to do, though? How much? Because you would always fucking play with the premise, and you would play with how you were going to do the punch. And I mean, it was, it was amazing to watch. So it was, it was like going to school, but in the best way. Because there was a night where I just, I wasn't, I wasn't figuring it out.

And you told me, why don't you come to the store? And you said, you need to watch some good comics because you've been watching too much open mic comedy. and you were right and I was like fuck I'm getting bad habits from watching this shit I got to watch how it's done well and then yeah and then the game changed but it's just it's wild

and you're gonna hate this but I would do it one time I fucking I did so good at the show and you were there and you would tell me I want you to I want you to stop not doing gay shit I want you to open with your gay shit and I was like I don't know man I don't know if you go,

I don't want to hear that. Open with a gay shit. I was like, all right, fine. And I did. I go, is anybody gay here? And nobody fucking raised their hands. I go, okay, I go, does anybody think somebody's a fag here? And everybody started laughing, but you were behind that audience,

and you never did this. You were behind that audience. And you were like, it was like you were shadow boxy. You were like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you fucking went back to the green room. and I was laughing because you would you would lean forward and you would fucking laugh and that was it though for me that was my like I said I club wise I want to be in at clubs I want to do all that shit but for me that was what made me legitimate was when you leaned forward and you were fucking their shadow box in my set with me

against all these fucking straight people and it was great I got like followers from that I have people that still talk about that show. And that was because you had said, no, you need to be who you are. That's it. That's it. And, yeah, it was a fucking... You know, comedy could be really hard,

or it could be really easy. I love comedy. I know how to get good at it, and it's all I know. I don't know how to fix a car. I can't make chicken cutlets. I don't know anything, but I know comedy.

I know how to get funny, and I know the state of mind that you have to have. I've been talking a lot on. Patreon lately about the little adjustments to be that much better of a person. It's just little adjustments. People think you need all the, it's just little adjustments. It all goes back to Jiu-Jitsu, the details. There's little details, and if you stick to those details, everything will work out for you.

And I tell you, getting on stage, I think that being an immigrant, I don't know, I don't know if it's being Cuban, I don't know, but I can't, anything we do is a privilege in this kind of. country. Anything we do is a privilege. We take spots for granted sometimes. When I started in comedy, there was no spots. I did 13 spots a month. That's all that was available to me. I did them all. I needed to do more. I needed to do 16 and 18 and 20. So you know, you keep what my point is that every spot that you do, whether it's at the fucking at an open mic or at a theater with 2,000 people, you're always trying something new. I don't care. Subconsciously, you've got to try something new.

Subconsciously, you have to grow as a human being. Whether you're on stage, jujitsu, a guitar player, a CEO, you got to grow. So you got to keep doing things every day to keep you fresh as a human being. My daughter goes to camp. After three weeks I asked you still like camp, she goes, we have to keep things fucking. And so for me to keep things normal, I got to switch things up.

I don't want to fucking be married to a set as a comic. Your third to fifth year in comedy, I want you to be married to your set because I want you to have a beginning, a middle, and ending. A song has a beginning, everything has a beginning middle ending. So I don't want you to go out third to five to seven year comics. I want you to stay in your thing. But note that by the time you hit six years, you're going to have your set just to reel you in, if things go fucking nuts.

But I want you to go out there and try different things. There's a BJJ White Belt page on Instagram, and they're fucking great. I did that podcast last week. Because everybody gives you a 10-page fucking thing to make you better in comedy. It's only two lines, I got to tell you. Do this, switch this.

You know, adjust this. But they make it, when you read their, what inspiration they give you every day, they tell you that if you're going to roll, in Jiu-Jitsu, which for us is getting on stage, try something new. Put yourself in a horrible position so you learn how to get yourself out of those positions. There's no secret why a man by the name of Joe Rogan is a great comic, and he ended up becoming a great comic, because to all his advice, to all the people that advised him, they told

him not to let me open for him. Joe Rogan said, I'm a stand-up. I'm going to follow him until I get it right. and then something changed when I got to the store in 2016 I had to start following Joe Rogan and how do you think that fell for me I had to learn how to follow DeLeah

I had to learn how to follow all those guys so comedy you're always fucking learning guys and every time you go on stage it's to learn something it's not just I don't give a fuck if there's three people in the audience good that gives me time to do a fucking what the thing Belushi used to do

the somersault cartwheels poor fucking cartwheel for four people I don't give a fuck but you you said this one time

it was chiseless sugar free I don't want people saying joy you're gonna be a fat fuck diabetes you're gonna get a foot like that lady that's how red her foot was and she got a tattoo in the middle of it

zero free CVS and don't forget to join CVS Health Pass they give you tremendous discounts every month if you're into condom and fucking perfume for assholes and monkey pox. Now, can you get a monkey pox if you wear a condom?

This shit eats through the condom too. Those monkeys ain't fucking around. Can it eat through a condo? That monkey pox, they ain't fucking around. You said this one time and it's funny because my buddies, the Rosie Triplets, they always remembered this too. You said

on stage you go, look, if your jokes ain't working, then you go to your stories. your stories ain't working, then you go to crowd work. And if crowd work ain't working, you better dance, motherfucker. You better dance. I did it for years. When things got fucked up, you know, I was telling somebody that day, and we'll leave on this.

Because there's a lot of young comics, I'm going to watch this. I'm going to tell you this, because this question keeps repeating itself to me and to other people. should your comedy change during this woke period not at all if you change it you failed if you change your comedy for people and people's feelings you failed what was that going to say

monkeypox eats through condoms no no no no you failed but I tell you what I found out last week this is why I wanted to talk to Eric because I made a comedy breakthrough last week that I've known about for years right now they're telling you not to do this, not to say this, not to say this. Let me tell you what I realized last week.

There's two groups of people that love to get involved in your comedy. And tell me I'm wrong, Eric, and I'll tell you who I saw do it, who taught me it, and it changed my life. There's a group of men. There's groups, whatever, African Americans, Chinese, Filipinos, but there's

two groups that love when you involve them in your act. And you can say anything you want to them. Just don't be dirty. Don't talk about it. ass fucking all the shit that me and my man talk about here and that's gay men. Gay men are the most receptive groups. If you go to do a gay joke, if you go to do a comedy show,

and there's a table of 10 gay guys, don't even worry about material. You don't need it. Just talk to them. Just talk to them. And they're going to fucking love you. They're going to take you out the dinner afterward. They're probably going to try to fuck you. Just turn them down.

But I want you to learn this. And the second group of people who love to be involved in your country. comedy routine is African Americans. Just don't be an asshole and insult them. But you could say anything. Call them Tarzan. You know, their sisters look like TLC. Whatever. I started

comedy with African Americans. I said anything but that disgusting word, and they went along with it. You could say anything you want. I eat black pussy. It keeps my teeth clean. The fucking hair. I used to say all that shit. And not once that African American woman come up to me and go,

I thought that was nasty. Not once. In fact, they said, you're nasty because you eat that shit. Nasty, motherfucker. You know, sisters are the best. So I'm sick and tired, young comics. Are people telling you your fucking job? Do your job. And if you do it correctly, and if you stand your ground,

they'll accept you. No matter what you say to them, as long as you don't call them fucking faggots or, you know, HIV people. You don't need to say that. Have a great time. Gay people, buy people. They all want to have a fucking. A great gay time.

A great time. You know, nobody wants to fucking... But again, you know, because, listen, if you would say the same thing to 100 women, if I get 100 women to stand on my line go, listen, that blouse is beautiful. 99 are going to enjoy it. One of them is going to say, I felt like that sentence was a little sexual. It kind of, you know, it kind of scared me. That's it.

So with lesbian, women, with women, you've got to be a little bit more careful. But speak to them. Tell them where you're at. Tell them fire. That's what stand up is, is the truth. Why the fuck are we going away from the truth? They're lying to us. Nobody's woke.

You're as woke as you want to be. Get on stage and fucking tell them to suck your dick. Nobody will be woke no more. Think about it. If you tell somebody woke to suck your dick and look them in the eye, they'll go, okay. I got a lot. I got to stop doing this shit.

Where are you performing that? Listen, Leo will be here, and not this week. Next week, we're going to call you again and do another three-way fucking Zoom on comedy 101 for next week for these fucking people at home that want to learn how to do comedy and have a fucking, you know, everybody's got a fucking, you know,

what do you do with woke now? How do you do your comedy? Just go up there and be the dirtiest you can't. If you come up to me and go, they're woke, I'm going to go, then go up there and open up with the fucking, you pulling the Arabs head, fucking him in the ass, putting a sock in his mouth.

Let them sit there and go, what the fuck is he saying? You know what? What you did And that got me really quick Is you said Wow guys I was with a buddy

In the car And we were listening to you And you go well guys Betty White's dead And I don't feel too good Myself even Fuck no Betty White is dead

That bitch finally died She kicked the buckler Let's wait for her To be 100 for what So a twat Can get drier After 70 Your twat

It's just dry as fuck You're walking around Squeaking Half of these 80 year old women Don't even want to be alive I love you, Eric. Where are you going to be performing in the next couple weeks? All right, buddy.

So I'm going to be in Vegas on the 12th. You can check my website, Eric Rocha Comedy.com, also with my YouTube channel. And then I'm going to be in San Diego at the Madhouse on the 14th, August 14th. So, hell yeah, we're making moves, buddy. I miss you. You look great. I miss you, too, man.

And like I said, I'm doing these shows. So I guess you're going to be doing it in November of December. So whichever one, I'm there, buddy. I love you with all my heart, brother, all right? And I'm happy you did this today because I do this for me. I don't give a fuck about the guests. I do this for me, so I can get a good laugh. I need to have some fucking gay humor in my life.

Next time we'll talk about gay pride and how many people's feet you came on and shit. Rub fucking coming there. I would love to be fucking a good. And they come on your hand and rubbed it in their fucking eye while they're coming. Like, I'm coming. Yeah, your eye too, cuck, cuck, sucker. I love you. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors, Jack.

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