The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #186 - Joey Diaz, Dr. Lisa Messina and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: June 11, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by Dr. Lisa Messina. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 06/09/2014.

This podcast is brought to you by Onit.com. Go there for all of your nutrients and alpha brain and strong bone, anything like that, mention the code word church, get 10% off. This show is also sponsored by NatureBox, where you can order great tasting, healthy snacks, right to your door, snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like Santa Fe cornsticks and French toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to NatureBox.com, promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com.

promo code Joey. Thank you to NaileditLife.com for all the oil and wax smokers out there for the premier vapor parent on the market. Go to NaileditLife.com. Mention Joey Diaz and get 20% off. And again, thank you to EscapePodtank.com.

Go there for all of your sensory deprivation tank needs. Mention Joey Diaz and even though they're already going to save you $1,000, so they'll save you an additional $250. And get this mic going. Start us in the beginning league. In the beginning league.

I did. Again, again, Lee. I gotta get one. Oh shit. Throw that motherfucker. Kick it. What a, D, oh. It's Monday, motherfuckers.

June 9th. The day the devil was fucking hitting the head with a bat. Shit, fuck that cock sucker. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. You're alive, cock sucker. You can start all over again. It's Monday. It gives a fuck what happened last week.

So what? You suck 20 things. It's going to be a brand new week. You got a box of tic-tacks and you're making a comeback. Fuck it. What's happening, little brother? I'm sorry, we're late today. We're reading here fucking talking and fucking around.

It's a beautiful day to be alive. Thank you very much. We're watching the church today. Lee Syatt, what's happening, little brother? I almost just died, bro. I'm fucking. I gave me a vapor pen of debt with some Goroscott cookies in there. God damn, this motherfucker.

Oh, shit. Here's a little something for you guys on a Monday morning. Just so you don't sit there like an orphan. Mmm, mm-hmm. Delicious. I had nutritious, little vapor. My lungs are back. I'm making a fucking comeback.

What's up, dog? What you've been? I haven't seen you. I know. It's been almost 12 hours. I know. We have some fucking heavy-duty podcast last couple days. I want to thank Ms. Pat.

I want to thank Al Robles. I want to thank Gabriel Lacey's for making a fucking special appearance. That was huge. I've been thinking about that for a few days. about Gabriel and how you know they called out of the blue and he went out of his way to come up here he's a guy that doesn't need to do shit

do you understand that people he don't need to do shit and there's a lot of other fucking comics that never want to do shit and this guy's got one of the biggest things happening in his career any comic can have in their career releasing a movie a concert movie in a film and he came up here he ate a little piece of cookie with us

he treated little respect yeah he was doing us and I love him to death I really, really, really love Gabriel I'm very proud of what's happening from and I love what's happening from and that's what it's all about. We told the camp

the story of the bloggy. A lot of people had never heard that or knew that. Gabriel gave me that bloggy and I had the energy from Gabriel. I want to do something good with it. Look at me and Lee are still hanging out. Four years later, smoking dope. I'm still trying to kill Lee.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That vapor. I don't know what happened. It just went in, like, fully into my lungs. And I was fucking. And it magnified. It doubles in there a little bit sometimes.

That's what they said with, like, Thai weed, and hash. Then when you hit it, it doubled in your lungs. That's why you went fucking bananas. Oh, my God. But you were looking good. You were red. Your eyeballs are red. I loved it.

His fucking eyeball looked like it was going to pop out of his head. It was like an HBO comedy special. I've never seen you laugh harder. Oh, my God. Plus, he ate a little bit of Cheebo Chu. We opened up. I want to thank Cheebochu for putting back the fucking Greenhorn in production. As you can see, we just ate it like a savage.

It's over. Yeah. It's a fucking memory, Jack. Oh, I watched the video of that Al Robles podcast. I was pretty much asleep. And you called me, the next day, you're like, don't worry, dog. I was just as high as you were.

And I was like, how were you fucking, oh. Let me tell you something. Those, I forget what's So Kind cookies. Okay. That they sell over at NoHo Organic. The No, So Kind. The 200 milligrams, and they have 200 milligram, what do you call? Fudge.

Okay. You get three pieces of fucking fudge for $10. I guarantee one of those pieces could kill somebody. If you really wanted to kill somebody, just give me. I'm telling you, I'm not even trying to be funny. That cookie is one of the strongest fucking things out there. I don't give a fuck when anybody tells you. You're talking about the fucking man here.

You're talking about this is what I do. I'm not proud of it, but this is what the gap I fell into. If I'm going to stand behind something, I'm telling you right now. The So Kind Cookie will take you to places you've never fucking been before. I see spots at night when I go on stage tonight. Yeah. Spots. I see fucking spots in the fucking air. I thought I was going crazy. I ate a half a cookie to you all night.

And I was in Salt Lake City. And I saw spots Friday night on the fucking stage. Okay. I'm not fucking with you people. So kind cookies. I don't know who makes them. I don't give a fuck. I don't know what they put in them. I hope it's LSD.

And that's it. Salt Lake City off the fucking chain. That's awesome. Again, Duncan Trussel got a standing ovation, the second show. He was so fucking funny this weekend, Duncan Trussell. I've never got to see him live Listen man It's a fucking freak show

It's stand-up Meets performance art Meets This other shit Which I can't describe I mean his bits were great You know But he does this chant

With incense on stage And then little hobo Looks like fucking Joe Rogan when he was a kid The little little hobo He's bald He looks just like Joe Rogan And that's what happened The first time I was high

I'm watching them on stage I turn around and get water I turn back and there's this little hobo Joe Rogan looking doll on his fucking thing and you could see he got better and better with the sets you know like it was just

something about Salt Lake City man if you've ever been there it's a beautiful fucking place I've heard I mean fucking just beautiful Were you in like the main part of the center of the city Just the places where I've been to like Ogden

I've been to Provo I've been to like Park City years ago you know this is two years in a row I've been to Salt Lake City and just from what I've seen and the people are fucking warm the people are fucking it's got a communistic thing to it

you know people are very low key and you know you understand well there are Mormons that came to your show? Yeah Mormons came to my fucking show you crazy no they don't fucking come to my show they stay home and fuck their 19 wives what the fuck they do but uh

they're very warm They party, you know. I didn't know. I'm used to going by the bar and talking to comic people after the show. Right. And I couldn't figure out where the bar was.

And I went out there at one night because the owner's like, you have too many people. Mm-hmm. And you have too many people in the bar area. You can't really go out there because it's too small. You got to go outside. So we had to wait towards the very end

to go out and there'd be like 10 people left just to talk and take pictures. Oh, okay. And finally I go, where the fuck is the bar? There ain't no fucking bar. They have a little, room with beers. That's it. They sell beer. Three, two beer. That's it.

No liquor. No vodka tonics. Really? So I had never been there before. So I'm really sorry to it. I thought I'd just go out to the bar and talk to them. But they were all crunched up. It really wasn't no bar. It was just a hallway. It was just a hallway. So Duncan goes to the bar Saturday, and he calls me and he goes, this is the weirdest thing.

I ordered a glass of wine. Yeah. And they wouldn't sell it to me unless I got an appetizer or a dish, something to eat. Whoa. And he goes, he understood it, that it was 3.2. And to me, it didn't, it didn't bother me whatsoever. Everything all right over there, Lee. I'm hearing that buzz.

Maybe it's that fucking Cheba Cheweree. Maybe it is. It wasn't that, uh, you just feel something. You feel something that people aren't saying, something, you know, like they, they, but the interesting was the shows, the fucking people were crazy. I mean, the people that show up to these, uh, death squad shows. are just fucking out of their mind, okay? Oh, yeah. They're out of their fucking minds.

And I love it, and I love them. Even club owners. Club owners can't handle it sometimes. Like, who the fuck are these people? These are real people. These are people who don't give a fuck. These are people who work all week want to smoke some fucking Rifa,

and they want to yell and scream, and I feel it. I don't give a fuck what they do. So was it a better show because there weren't that many drunk people? No, who's got talking about that? It was just a good show. No, but I know it was a good show.

People always going to get drunk. 3.2B. If you tell, listen, If you get 10 people and you give them more fucking 10 beers and five of them are and they're still going to get fucking drunk. Yeah. Just something about hanging with other people and that energy, you know what I'm saying? That whole energy.

So that part of it was really sensational. But you do feel that little that people are well behaved. Okay. People are under control. Like when you go to the mall, the fucking mall was completely different than anything I've ever seen. What was it like? Just very controlled. Okay.

Like everybody walking. kind of militantly. I don't know. I don't know, Lee. But I liked it. You like it? Yeah. I would go back twice a year there,

and I would go back for the festival. I'd do all that shit. That's awesome. But I didn't know they only served beer to one. One o'clock. Wow.

Alcohol till one, you know? So there's little things, but that doesn't mean shit to me because I'm not going to go out drinking afterward anyway. Oh, I know, yeah. So, but besides that, it was all fucking good, man.

That's awesome. I loved it. I fucking loved it, I fucking loved it, what else were you? Look at you. You got a wife this week. We were watching Orange is the New Black, which is interesting that you,

Vince Pat watched it because I always assumed, like, who's going to watch, like, if you were in prison, why are you going to watch a prison show? But, yeah, we did that. I moved, which is great, and, yeah. You like this new place is the 80th fucking move? Hopefully it's the last one. Okay, and this place is it to one bedroom? Yeah.

And you got a living room like a savage? Yeah, like a savage. Yeah, like a wife. You got a little dining area? A little bit, not in my since she got mad at me. Because my couches are too big. So I have a dining room table, but it's like kind of pushed up against the wall in the back. And she was like, when we're going to have like a nice, like a whole dining room area.

And I was like, Jesus. But it's funny. I already met my neighbors in this one. And you ever catch yourself and you're like, you're being negative? And I was the first night I moved in. And the neighbor on each side of me had already introduced himself. And I met a neighbor from downstairs. And they were talking shit about this one neighbor.

and I got I came back into my apartment after I'd done like the 1880th trip to my car and I was like feeling negative was like oh god I'm already talking to these neighbors I don't want to talk to anybody but then I was like wait I left my last place because the neighbor wouldn't talk to me and lied saying I was saying his car why am I upset that people are being nice to me and saying hi so I feel like I'd be like wait it's not that bad this is a nice old lady and there's a there's a lady who I don't know what happened but she doesn't have any legs so she just rolls around on a wheel chair and I was just, I thought of you immediately, but it was just, I don't know, do you ever catch yourself being negative about something like you should be happy? It's like the opposite of what you hated. It's like when you're watching a sporting event, you're in a green room or something, and the club owner tries to be very nice and he keeps coming and asking you, can I get you something after a while? You feel like saying, fucking don't come back in here, but you can't because all the dude is trying to do is be a sweetheart of a guy and offer you something.

And then if you went to a club and the club owner never showed up. Yeah, then you get pissed anyway. It's weird how I catch myself a lot. I catch myself going, what the fuck am I mad about? This guy's trying to go out of his way. What the fuck am I mad about this situation? Yeah. Because you always go into a situation. At least I do, very hesitant sometimes.

And it's a bad way to go in a situation. You have to be more open-minded. But living up here in fucking fake land, you got to go into these things like, where's the shoe going to fucking drop? Right. And it's a bad way to go into something. It really is. You know, it's funny. When I wake up on Monday,

people. A lot of people ask me, hey man, what do you get your energy from or whatever? You know what, man, when I wake up on Monday, it's like, I went to bed last night. This podcast finished with Miss Pat last night about 9 o'clock. Yeah. I had to go fill up my wife's tank with gas for work today. I went home. There was a parking spot. I basically went upstairs.

She was watching something. I went in there to run some decaf. I mean, this was the, I washed my hands. Yeah. I made a few notes in the notebook. I went out. I got my coffee. I spoke to her for maybe 10 minutes.

And she goes, I'm going to bed. And I go, I'm right behind you. Because I got home at like 10, and I called and you were out. Gone, gone. And I fell asleep. And I woke up at 12.30. I had eaten a bunch of fucking cantalow. And I woke up at 1230.

And I must have pissed for 10 fucking minutes. And I looked at the clock. I didn't know. I go, at 3 in the morning. And I'm going to be awake now because I just pissed for 10 minutes. I looked at the clock and it was 10 to 12. Wow. And I already felt good.

Like, I felt refreshed. I went right back to bed and slipped to fucking 3. Got up again to pee. I was a little 30. I drank a little water and I went right back to fucking bed. I got up to the alarm this morning. I mean, usually on a Monday morning I get up before the fucking alarm, the alarm woke me up this morning.

I'll tell you, man, I felt dynamite this morning. Really? Yeah. Guys, I have one really bad hitch and you guys know what it is. It's no sleep. I'll go to bed of 11. I'm walking around at fucking 5 and that's not good. That keeps weight on.

It doesn't, you know, you don't get the proper rest, you know. So I've been trying lately to really, really go to bed of it. Save two hours. Listen, at night, I don't do dick, guys. I can lie to you and tell you I'm trying to write. I'm trying to write, and I make different notes and stuff. But when I wake up the next morning, it's not really what I wanted to write. So those two hours are defeating the purpose.

Why not just tap out and go to fucking sleep? You know, tap out. I want to be normal. I like to fucking stay up late, guys. I love to smoke a fucking vapor and maybe drink hot chocolate and stay up. Whatever the fuck people do, normal people do. And stay up until TV, till two, and one. watched Let him and I wish I could.

I wish I fucking could. I would do it every night. You know, I love all that shit. You're basically Wednesday through Sunday are kind of crazy. When I went to Austin, I experienced it. Because we wake up early for this and then you take the fucking early, early fucking flight. So you're on the road by 4 a.m. usually. And then you can't sleep on Friday because you have to do radio. You can kind of sleep on Saturday, but then Sunday you're up at 3 in the morning again.

In the morning again. Your body's, the good thing is after governors this week, I don't have to go to L.A. the rest of the summit. Oh, shit. I don't have to go to LAX of September 27th. Unless they put me on that crazy tour in August or whatever's going to happen. I don't know about my knee surgery yet because it actually feels good. I've been resting it lately.

Okay. Like these three days I went to Utah, I didn't work out. I didn't do nothing. Jiu-Jitsu was so fucking rough last week. I went to Jiu-Jitsu twice last week. And I went Tuesday and Thursday. Usually I try to spread them out. And it was so fucking rough on me.

Like, it's not even the out of shape or the being. Yeah, it's being fat, but it's so rough when you go back to back. Like, my body couldn't. I did kettlebells, and I walked on Monday. I went to Jiu-Jitsu on Tuesday. Wednesday, I just walked with the baby. I took a carriage and walked all around to North Hollywood Park and up, and I walked to the fucking 7-Eleven.

That's like a two-mile walk. I walked pushing her. Then Thursday, I went to J-Jitsu for lunch. And I got to fucking tell you, man, Friday, I was done. Like Thursday, I could feel my back walking up. a little bit, you know. When I go to Jiu-Jitsu, that morning class, that Tuesday, you know, it's like,

I guess it's like a basic Jiu-Too class, but we do a lot of warm-ups, a lot of rolls, front rolls, fucking judo rolls, which I can't do. I just try. A lot of butterfly fucking guard retention shit. Then we drill, then he teaches something, and you drill it, and you teach us three different things

and you drill with different variations. Tuesday, I didn't roll. I had to get the fuck out of at a 3 o'clock meeting. I stayed until like 220. The class started at 12. Thursday actually rolled with a big kid. They got this big kid, 25 years ago. His name is Joe. It's Puerto Rican, big fucking kid.

He fucked me up. Oh, he fucked me up. He fucked me up so bad. I was trying to hip escape, and I fucked up my toe. I thought I was broken. When I pushed it, I'm like, oh, no. And I've got to tell you, it's a little sore. So today I think I'm just going to go to the apolitical

and fucking hit the bag. Or maybe go to kettlebell class. I'll decide when I go home. I didn't answer emails from last night, so that's what I didn't do last night. Oh, okay. I didn't answer emails. I was going to try to answer emails, but I went to the park.

I went to the park with the baby. But I'll tell you what puts me in a good fuck. Yesterday, when I got home, something happened where the kitchen was burning. I got home and Terry, something happened in the oven. Okay. And I was in the shower when I came out and I yelled to Terry. Terry got upset because I yelled. I go, what the fuck?

There's a fire in my house. I've been home for a fucking minutes. And already I'm agitated. Once I get off the plane, I take a shower because those planes are fucking feelings. Yeah. And something happened that I went in and I caught Superbad. My favorite cat got caught in the little gate, the baby gate. Oh, okay.

You know, he didn't cry or anything. I looked down and I'm like, Superbad, what the fuck are you doing? And then I pulled him out and he went loose and a couple minutes later he was crying. And I couldn't figure out what it was and I got under there and I pulled him out and I touched him to make sure he didn't break something. And I go, what happened to him? I go, my wife, I guess I just think he was scared, you know? And this one I got up and again, he was not hiding.

but he was behind one of the pillars. So I had to pull the thing out this morning, and I grabbed him and had to sit with him and hug him. I didn't know if he was mad at me. I didn't know what it was. But just sitting there with my cat and just hugging him for a few minutes and telling him I love him.

Put me in a fucking great mood. Yeah. Because when I went out at three to get something to drink, I didn't see him. I usually see him. And I went to bed and I go, what a fucking soup bag? God damn it.

You know, maybe he got cracked. Maybe he thought I was yelling at him. I wasn't yelling at him. I was yelling at my wife. I'm like, what the fuck is? The house fucking burning. And when I went out to go into the little gate, he got caught in a gate. And I was, so I think he could thought that I was yelling at him or whatever.

I don't know. You know, Superbad's as sensitive as I am. So I picked them up, and I hugged him, and I told him I loved him this morning. I had to sit with him for like 10 minutes. It was just really night. And all the cats came over. Yeah. It was five in the morning, and there I am sitting on the floor.

I'm supposed to be on the computer tweeting. And here I am with these babies on me. I'm hugging them, and I'm thinking of myself, how fucking lucky am I? I got stinky cats on me. Some people, I used to wake up and have nothing on me. I'd be by myself, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Now I got these guys that love me unconditionally, these fucking animals, you know?

And you think of how simple and how stupid it is, but how good it made me feel. Yeah. Like, I'm a new man over that this morning. And I wasn't, I didn't wake up in a bad mood or anything. I'm just saying that I was in a good mood, but hugging a super bad for a couple minutes and having Lulu come over, and Lulu came over and bit his tail. So right away, he's like, looking at her, and I'm like, this is like having fucking kids. It's just cats.

You know? Yeah. So it was just a really good morning. Sometimes you don't know how lucky you are when you have an animal, man. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, sometimes. And I know you want to get a dog. You've been thinking about it now with this new apartment.

They won't. They're supposedly not going to let me, but some people have them. But I just, yeah, I would love to get something that the dog just has so much, it relies on you for so much that I feel bad about the time. I wish I wasn't allergic to cats. But what are you going to do? You're not that allergic to cat anyway. Well, I go to your place, and your place is nice, but I mean, you guys clean out a lot. Like, every time I'm over there, I see the vacuum once, and it's just, I mean, I'm not home that much, and I know me, I'd probably let it go, and who knows, maybe I'll get something.

It's funny, we were talking about working out. I got a fucking interesting, I got two interesting call-out emails the last couple weeks, you know. People want to hear answers, you know, and they think. And sometimes people get rude about shit. Yeah, I got a lot of that this week. And I get pissed off at people. But usually sometimes people hit me up and they go, hey, man, this is totally out of love and respect.

I'll listen to your podcast. And they break it down. I've listened since day one when you told Felicia the story about this. So I think I bought your shirt, whatever. And they'll go, I think I have a right to talk to you about this. The difference for me is I got a, and maybe it's one guy. if I go to your Twitter and you're saying nice things to people

I'm like okay he means it well there's some people like there's this one guy this week who when you go to his page it was either a new page which means he made it because I blocked him or it was he's going down every list of every comic

saying something bad about everybody so that pissed me off but most of them are right it's just like you gotta start doing it and I did I took a walk with Paula's weekend and she was like look at your back and my back was like my shirt was drenched

trying to take a shower but it's uh oh no no listen there's people out there that they just want to ruin somebody else's fucking day yeah and the worst thing i do is i always fall into their trap i always call them a cock sucker whatever when you always you just do is block them but what you can do now is it's called mute so that you they can tweet away you've all and you just don't see it that's what i do i don't give a fuck what they do it's just pretty funny how there's people who get up in one morning make time to make a fake page yeah and they go to you they go to that 20 to

thousand people. You see it when you look at that thing. Hey, Buffer, why don't you go fuck yourself? Hey, Dana White. You're a cunt. Hey, Joe Rogan, fuck you. And you look at them and go, really? So you took the time to build the page to be a fucking little faggot. This is what society's created for you to be a little sneaky little fuck and be cute and insult people. You got to feel bad for that. Yeah, it doesn't infect me at all anymore. But then you have the people like, oh, Lee, I love you like a brother. You know, I've been watching the podcast for a year. I was with you when you juiced. Those people you have to listen to you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this guy, no, this guy just said that he thinks that whatever my dieting was, it's not working. That he's been listening to the podcast. He's a doctor. He's a chiropractor. And his friend turned him on to the podcast about nine months ago when we had a doctor on here. And he's been listening to it. And he says that he sees my work ethic.

And he goes, I think you're working too hard for the results that you're getting. He goes, I think you should relisten to you. you should re-look at your diet again. So I actually did what he told me. I got a notebook out again. It's basically weight watches. And he goes, just for two weeks, be as honest and as brutal as you can and write down everything you ain't.

Take a look at it at the end of the day. And also write down what you did for a workout, which is basically weight watches. That's what weight watches. It makes you claim responsibility for what you're reading. Okay. Now you look at at the end of the day. And I tell you what, man,

it was pretty fucking scary. Really? To be honest, to be very brulee-on. And what's going on in my house is, yes, there's no more sodas and there's no more breads and there's no more big, extravagant meals, okay? But there's a child in the house now. So there's all these little fucking little snacks and treats. And you usually put one in your mouth here, one in your mouth there, one in your mouth here, those things add up. Yeah.

Okay? Plus, sometimes, yes, I'm eating a fucking piece of fish, but it's 15 ounces of fish. the diet calls for seven ounces of fish So I'm eating double the amount Even though it's healthy You know what I'm saying And you're having a salad with it It's double the...

You know there was just little things I wasn't looking at in my diet That he's right Listen when I started this thing I was 418 pounds And I didn't At first I didn't I neglected diet

I just wanted them worked out And then somebody said You should tighten up your diet It's okay I didn't drink fucking six coax anymore I drank two cokes And I actually lost weight with a minimal workout, hitting the bag and boxing. That's all I was doing

and swimming. That's all I was doing. My wife is introducing me to yoga a little bit, but for the most part, I lost 100-something pounds by boxing, by getting in front of a heavy bag every day and just hitting it for 30 minutes. And a certain rhythm. It was just a rhythm. Bam, bam, I keep moving. And it started with three minutes and one up to six minutes, one up to nine minutes. And then I would either get on the bicycle or the treadmill. And that's how I started. And then the other day I would swim for 45 minutes.

Wow. And that's what I would do. I would just get in the pool and kick. That's where you lost the weight probably. Yeah, I kick, I kick, I kick, and then on the way back, I pulled. And then after a couple times I put them together. I put the whole breaststroke together. You know, and I stuck the weight.

I didn't know. At that time, there was no weight watches. I was just hitting the bag, blah, blah, blah. Instead of eating three eggs with a loaf of bread, I was eating three eggs with three pieces of toast. You know, little things like that. I still didn't know about weight watches. I was just about to tap out.

I didn't know what to do. I said, fuck it, this is not going to work. This ain't going to work. I'm wasting my time. I'm 40-something. I'm going to the gym three times a week. You mean all this work, and I've lost fucking six pounds,

because that's what happens. Yeah. You're like, all this fucking work, and all I lost is six fucking pound. And then I read this article, like a week before Christmas, about how we're confused, that we could exercise all we want,

unless we change our diet, nothing's going to happen. And I decided to go to Weight Watches, and it was fucking brilliant, guys. It really was brilliant. I caught it. I understood life is like county jail. You got to eat like you're in a county jail,

you know? When you go to county jail, they give you one fucking little piece of meatloaf. You know, and it works. You make it fucking work for you. When I'm home, I eat, you know, my wife makes meatloaf, so I'll eat a piece of meatloaf with a salad. First off, meatloaf is, like, fucking horrible.

It's fattening as fuck. It's got eight points per piece. But because I'm not eating the mass potatoes and the green corn and the fucking corn bread, I think I can eat a bigger piece. So it's just little things like that I wasn't looking at, that he was right, man. By the way, while we're talking about good food,

I'm going to tell you something about bad food. So there's a little Mexican place on cold water and Riverside. And it's called Peets. I've been going there for a long time. Haven't you been there with me, the little Mexican joint in the corner window? Maybe. Very healthy.

Very healthy. Jerry Rocha turned me on to it. And it's very healthy in there. The singer from the food fighters goes in there a lot. Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, good, shit. Oh, shit.

Good morning. Good morning. My love, it's Dr. Tanya. How are you today? Good, my love. What's happened? How is the graduation? Graduation is a time of mixed emotions, and you will know what I'm talking about sooner than later.

You know, you go from, you can't wait until they get out of the house because they're driving you're crazy, to crying because you're going to miss them. And that happens, like, in five minutes, you know, going from loving them to hating them and loving them again. So it was beautiful. It was beautiful. Lots of happy tears. Is she gone already? She's gone. She is at Beach Week. And I know after we graduated high school, we went to the Jersey Shore for a few days. And these kids go to Ocean City, Maryland for about a week. And I have to say it's probably just one big drunk fest. So I'm trying to not think about it too much. But she's a good kid and she's out there stretching her wings a little bit.

Tanya Messina, let me tell you something. That's funny you said that. So when you graduate the eighth grade, what year did you graduate? 81? 80. 80. From the Kemply school. And who was your eighth grade teacher? Wally Lindley. Was he still the mayor then?

He was the mayor and the eighth grade teacher. And I'm not going to say too much more about that. You know what his deal is. No, yeah, yeah. I remember he got indicted and stuff. He was a great guy. I loved Wally Lindsay. Where'd he take you for fucking 8th gay trip?

Where did you? Well, he took us down the shore. He took us to his beach house, believe it or not. We all went for the day down to, like, I don't know where it was Long Beach Island or something. I don't know what was that. It wasn't an official, you know, school trip. I can't imagine it was, but we went on a school bus. And we had a lot of fun.

Too much fun for eighth grade. It's funny because in the eighth grade, we went to Philadelphia and Betsy Ross's house and all that shit. Remember you all do that and the nutcrackers sweet. I went there with your sister and all those clowns. We took a bus, and on the way back we stopped their calendar. And that's the winter trip. That's the big winter trip. And then for the summer trip, they went somewhere where there was water. I like to say like, what's the place in Jackson, New Jersey? Great adventure. Great adventure. That's where I think they went for the day. But

you guys went down like a shore, like overnight type trip? Fuck, we got jibbed. It wasn't overnight. It wasn't overnight. It was definitely like a beach house, like on a lagoon. It must have been his house. And I just remember like hanging out on the dock and, you know, you know, sneaking a few cigarettes and stuff like that. And you drank? It must not have been a very educational school trip. You drank in the eighth grade? I did.

Yeah, I learned from the best. Let me ask you something. Was he still hanging around with a guy named Turk Jordan then when you were in the eighth grade? Do you remember that? I remember him hanging out with a cheerleading coach, Miss Sesto. That's what I remember. The cute little chubby girl? Well, no, no, no.

She was little tiny girl with the big rack. Yes. And she used to hang out with Gina Giacona. Exactly, exactly. Everybody thought her and Gina were levying it up. That's right. Miss Sesta, I didn't know what was happening. But he used to have a little, the guy that did all his cleanup work was a guy with a wig.

His name was Turk Jordan. He was a really creepy-looking guy. And he took me, Chuck and McBreen and Whitey-Eld Donald to a basketball game. And he got into a fist fight. That's fucking craziness. That it was the mayor's aide. He was the mayor's aide at the time. I don't know if you ever met him or not.

doesn't really matter. Yeah, I don't think I did. I don't think I did. But talking about McKinley School, Coco, I want to tell you that your listeners have a really soft place in my heart because after I was on your show last time, my blog had the best week ever. I mean, tons and tons of your listeners came to my site, and I very much appreciate that. So I gave them a little treat today.

On my site today is a story about how we met in McKinley School, and it's a funny story. So if they want to learn more, an early story about Uncle Joey, they should check it out today. Thank you, Tanya. You're a fucking sense. And I don't know if you remember how we met, so you might need to read it too. I don't remember Tanya Messina. I don't not fucking remember. I remember a lot. I was little. I was like in fourth grade. Yeah, because I was

two or three years older than you. Right, right, and you came into my classroom. That's all I'm going to say. You have to read to find out the rest. Okay. No, it's very interesting. I've been talking to you lately, and it's bringing back a lot of memories from that neighbor. The reason

why I didn't go on the eighth grade trip to be honest, it was the year Anthony died. So I was already done. I said, you know what? I'm not going on that class. And I registered for a five-star basketball camp. And it was a long snow year. So we went to school a lot longer.

We didn't graduate until later on. But I'm really happy that you called because we were talking about something that some guy wrote me a note. And we were talking about when you get in shape, that it's a lot more, you know, dieting than going out there and running hills, you know, like. to lose the fucking weight. So I'm happy that you called. What do you have for us today, Dr. Tanya, on our health? Well, we'll definitely talk about the weight loss thing, if you want, for sure.

But I also want to just give you a couple little blurbs about childbirth, and, you know, it might not be something that your listeners are dying to hear about, but there's something very troubling that's happening, and either your listeners are parents or they're going to someday be parents. And I feel very passionately about this. That the U.S., United States, this just came out literally in beginning of May this year, We're the only country in the entire world whose maternal mortality rates are increasing. What that means in real language is that mothers are dying giving birth in this country,

and that those rates are increasing only in this country. Everywhere else in the whole entire world, fewer mothers are dying in childbirth. In this country, more mothers are dying in childbirth. And what is the result? What is the reason? What are they saying? It's crazy. They're saying, you know, that because we're having babies at later ages here, and because we have such bad diets and little exercise.

So that kind of ties into your reader's question, that we're sicker going into childbirth. I personally happen to think that another factor is that we are medicalizing birth. You know, birth is not brain surgery. Birth is a natural process that doesn't really need anybody to help it. Women can literally squat and have a baby. But in this country, because, you know, you can make money off it and you can put them in a sterile hospital room and make it a procedure, and you can control it, we like to do that.

And I think the more you mess with it, the worse it is. Out of 46 countries that are industrialized, you know, people that have a really good health care system, where do you think we are on the list if one is the healthiest and 46 has the worst? And that's overall health. 35th. Yeah, we're 31st, so you're close. But that's a travesty. I mean, don't you think that we have more hospitals, literally, we have more hospitals, more doctors,

more research and development than any place else in the world, and there are 30 countries that are healthier than us, we're doing something really terribly wrong, Coco, and it's very disheartening to me because I see it every day in my office. I see these people come in and they're see these moms come in, and they're getting cesarean sections. 35% of moms have cesarean sections. That's horrific because only 10% should be having them.

So I have a really hard time with that. We're on par, guess who we're on par with health-wise for maternal mortality. We have the same rate as Iran and Afghanistan. So if you told your wife, I want you to be in the best place to have a baby. You're going to Senator Iran in Afghanistan, or you wanted to be someplace where mamas are not dying? I mean, that's crazy, isn't it? That is fucking crazy. I'll tell you, one of the scariest parts of my life was when my wife was recently pregnant.

That was one of the scariest phases because I knew a thousand things could go wrong. You know, I have a belief that nothing was going to go wrong. But I was very scared for it, especially at her age. I had gone online and read about childbirth at women over 40 and I had to fucking shut the computer off I started bawling I was it changed you have to yeah you have to so I didn't know it this mortality rate of women

and is it because I mean you also mentioned that women are and it's healthy going in right because number one they say we're older and also you know to your again to your readers and the guy who wrote you in to his point you know you were head We're not more sedentary. We're not active. Our diets are crap and This is a very physical activity labor means work, right? It's work pushing the baby out. Did your wife push a baby out or did you have a C-section?

My wife pushed it out So you saw that, right? Yes, yes, I didn't faint it's crazy, right? It's fucking crazy. It is one of the craziest things you'll ever see, but one of the, I don't know I want to say beautiful, but I don't want to sound cliche, but it's something that I everybody should see one time. When I had my first child, when I was 20-something, I just fucking passed out. I couldn't handle it. And now I know why I passed out.

I didn't pass out because of my fears. I passed out because something didn't want. I don't know. I didn't see the beauty in it. When Terry had the child, I was in a better place with my life, and I handled it. You know, the only thing I saw a little bucket with blood

and I kind of freaked out, but I looked at her. I looked at her, and I saw her transformation right in front of my fucking eyes, like the wolfman, with no 3D or 6G or none of that shit. It was, I don't know, I don't want to sound like one of those fucking guys, but I saw something different in that room. I think that's a beautiful thing, that number one, that you felt it, number two, that you can say that because a lot of guys think it's, you know, oh, no big deal, it's macho.

It's no macho bullshit. You are seeing it, you're seeing your wife's power in that moment. That's her power. That is what she was meant to do. It's, uh, I hate to say that. I fucking hate to say that. I hate that statement, Tanya Messina, but I got to tell you something,

I feel it myself because I knew Terry. I knew Terry for 12 years before that. This times I have problems with Terry. You know why? Because Terry's a little like me. She's a fucking panty ass, and she's tough. You know, she'll say this wild shit to me. She'll say wild shit, you know,

and it drives me fucking crazy. But then again, I say wild. shit. But ever since she's had this child, I saw what she was put on this planet to do. Like I really, like when she was working all those weeks and working full time, I had to sit it down and go, look at it, man, I'm looking at it from the outside in. You're fucking defeating the purpose. You have no idea what you're confusing here. I go, you've put away money. I go on the road. Sit at home. I don't give a fuck. To her, it was a different thing. It was like a different monster.

And now I see her, her hair looks different. Her eyes look different. You know, it's an amazing transformation to see a woman become a woman. Like a fucking woman. Like to see why whoever the fuck put her on this planet, the Indians, the Martians, God, the Jewish guy, what the woman was meant to really kind of do.

I know a lot of women are going to hit me back and go, Joey, I don't want to have kids. How can you say something like that? No, I'm telling you, when it came to my wife, oh my God, I saw who the fuck she became in 10 fucking seconds. Yeah, you're right, and I love listening to you talk like that because I see it. I've been with, you know, probably 100 patients as they give birth, and I cry my eyes at every time because it's a beautiful, beautiful thing.

And I think the medical system in this country, unfortunately, takes that away from a lot of women when we slice them and dice them. And I know that some women need two sections. I get a lot of hate mail because of this, and I'm okay with that, because this is a really important subject. You know, 10% of women, actually 5% to 10% of women need a C-section for emergency reasons. But in this country, we give 35% of the women C-Sexions. And when you do that because it's inconvenient or because the doctor, you know,

has better skills with C-section than delivering them vaginally, you're taking that moment away from women. You don't get that high. You don't get that transformation in that moment when you cut a baby out. Well, I'm going to tell you something. And that's tough. I'm going to tell you some, Tanya, Missina. Partly, it's the woman who's given birthed forth also

because they turn childbirth into a fucking wedding. See, I went through childbirth in L.A. with my wife. My wife is like me. She's no nonsense. She just wanted to spit the kid out. She was 42. I went to the doctor's meetings with it. I went to those little group meetings where you spin a fucking ball around and all that shit. But I also went through that with my ex-wife in Boulder.

Now, Boulder has all these fucking Gentiles. so you could either have the child at the hospital or you could have the child at the child birthing center and at the child birthing center it's natural there's Indians playing the violin you know people wash your feet they're eating croissants and the guy's name was Dr. Masoka

Dr. Masoka was 6'7 290 pounds from Brooklyn he looked like a fucking gangster and his wife there were a combo team all right his wife was this beautiful little petite white woman you looked at them and said what the fuck happened here but everybody went to dr masoka because a woman was dying a mother was giving birth and she was dying on the hospital bed and msoka yelled at the staff and brought the lady back to life so msoka was like a no-nonsense like get the fuck up bitch you know like he used to say

shit to women that women would stop going to him and they felt insulted by him but he was he had such a great reputation. Do you follow me that they put through, like they would put up through it. Like my buddy called me and he was like, my fucking wife went to Masoka. My wife put on 40 pounds of Masoka looked her in the face and said, it's okay, baby. I like my women a little heavy myself, right? If they fall, I could catch him.

He was torturing women with those sayings, but he was so good. That was his reputation. He had saved a mom on the bed. So he would always give you the birthing center or, you know, you had the option of the hospital. My wife, who was a granola eating fucking Momo, picked the birthing center. Tanya Messina, she tapped out within 15 minutes.

Did she really? They had to send her over to the hospital. Yeah, she went in there with the sandals on, and the mood wall, that fucking woman that comes with you, and some spiritual advisor, and some lady with gluten-free biscuits. And that shit ended in about eight minutes. She was yelling and screaming.

They had to give her an epithelophorobie. lock and they took it to the main fucking hospital and that was the end of that she lost face the hippies didn't want her ever again i have to say it's tough i mean again they called labor for a reason i walked around for 38 freaking hours with my first no drugs walked up and down the hallway in the birthing center ate a whole freaking watermelon literally i had a whole watermelon when i was in labor with her and i pushed her out standing up right onto the floor oh my god no drugs no drugs so she was 38 hours and my second one was an hour So I kind of averaged out, you know, whatever, 18 hours, 19 hours.

My wife this time went in Sunday at 1 and she had the baby Tuesday at like 7 in the morning, but it wasn't like all pushing on whatever. We just sat there and watched TV and we bullshit and I left for four hours and I went and got high and came back. And talked to her some more. Now let me tell you what it's like. I'm going to walk you through a little exercise here, Coco, what it's like to have a baby in a hospital bed with an epidural. I'm going to tell you that I'm going to put you on your back. I'm going to put your feet up in the air and those stirrup things.

I'm going to make you numb from the waist down. And then I'm going to tell you to take a poop. Is that going to be easy? Is that going to be hard? That's going to be fucking disgusting. Right. It is going to be disgusting. But it's going to, you can't even imagine taking a poop on demand when you can't even feel yourself from the waist down, right?

No, it's what it's like to push a baby out when you're laying on your back with an epidural. And you don't feel nothing? Nothing. And people say I'm crazy for walking around and having a baby standing up or squatting down. It's like, well, how do you, pushing a baby out? Coco, this is the bottom line. Pushing a baby out is just like taking the biggest crap of your life. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, and if you're numb from the waist down, you know, it's hard to, it's hard to know how to push and how long to push and when not to push and all that stuff. So, you know, when you're numb, that's why a lot of these women start needing intervention. They start needing those forceps and that vacuum thing. Have you seen the vacuum thing? They pulled the baby out? No, and I don't want to fucking see it either. I don't want to fucking see a vacuum. I saw the spoons when they give you the stork bite to the head and they suck.

Yeah, that's the forceps. Oh, my God. The vacuum thing is they literally put a suction cup. They go up your wife's vagina and they put a suction cup on the baby's head really tight. And then the doctor leans back with all his muscle and pulls the baby out. You think that's good for the baby? And that's why kids have point of ears when you see those little Martian-looking motherfuckers. Like Mike Chichorelli.

I think Darren Rago even had a point of year. God bless his soul. I know, Darren. A little wrestler. Oh, my God. I was thinking I'm doing governors this weekend in Long Island. Yeah, I saw that. I saw that.

Are you going for sure or not? You're not sure yet. No, I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I've got to go. I got to go. It's Thursday, Friday, Saturday, but it's funny. Regina Gordon's son is coming to see me.

Regina Gordon passed when she was 49. She died two years ago. And he hit me up on Facebook, and we've been kind of friends, you know, on Facebook, and he hit me this week, and he asked me if he'd come see me, and I'm sitting here going, it's amazing, Tanya, that now I'm dealing with my friends. I grew up with kids. With their kids.

That's amazing, huh? In the blink of an eye. And I bet, don't you? I bet in every city you perform. I bet you have someone that you know from North Oregon coming to those shows. Is that true? Yeah, pretty much lately. Oh, they hit me out.

Whether it's a friend or a child or, you know, a spalic, some connection. I would imagine that every show because I know when I go to see you, there's always someone there. Yeah, there's an acquaintance or something. It's really weird that we're to that level in our lives where he's going to come and ask me about his mom, you know. He's going to go where was my mom like when she was growing up, you know, whatever. It's just the weirdest thing, this phase of our lives. were going into your daughter graduated, you know. Jesus, Tanya, it went fucking fast.

Blank of an eye, Coco, blink of an eye. I mean, I kissed her goodbye the other day, going to Beach Week, and she's not coming home for a month. She goes from the beach in Maryland to the Cayman Islands. I want her life, right? She goes to the Cayman Island with her boyfriend and his family. And then get this, she goes to Australia, New Zealand, and Hawaii. So I'm not going to see her for a month.

And, you know, I'm so happy for her that she's confident. and adventurous and she gets these great experiences, but I'm sad. Like, you know, I love my kid. You know, moments I want to, you know, ring her neck. But, of course, you love your kid. She's your life. She's your heart.

And the fact that she's now basically launched, she's starting her own life right now. It's happy and it's sad. I can't even fucking imagine. You know, I think of us running around those woods and up and down to Union City. And, you know, we watch your girls back. You know, we always watch you guys.

And you think of our kids, to be in that situation. Would you let your daughter run around North Bergen with us and we were kids doing what you were doing at 13? Oh my God, Coke. I remember following you guys up the hill by the cemetery, going to the, what's the name of the store by the cemetery? The Spick store. No, the Chinese store. There was, no, though. There was the, what was the Chinese guy? Dragon Grocery. Dragon Grocery. I took Lee. I took Lee, I took Lee to the Dragon Grocery. He's not there. I was like, I was like, how old are you in like fifth grade? You're like 10, 11, 12 years old. Are you kidding me? I mean, going up the hill,

I just, my head spins with the memories of what, you know, hanging out of the soccer field, you know, everyone's got a little something in their back pocket, whether it's, you know, a little booze or a little something else, and we were babies. Would you, would you let your daughter go out with us today if you knew, would you let her in that environment? But look what

you became from that neighbor, Tanya. That's the other question. Part of who you are is from what we saw and learned in that little fucking six corners of the world. In the woods. In the woods, Charles Ford. Now, I know that. I know that. It makes it stronger because you have to be street smart, right? You have to be tough. And, you know, I definitely, I don't, invalidate it. I think it definitely made me who I am today, made me successful. You know,

it's, it's all, all roads lead to today, 100%. But you wonder why. The sad part is the people that didn't make it out at all or the people that didn't make it out successfully or happily. That's what makes me sad. Like how come, you know, I think we have a great life. You out in L.A., me here. And we are, we have it all, right? We have family. We have health. We have beautiful kids. We have great friends. Jobs we love. So we do have it all. We all live in a dream. But there are a lot of people that are where we're from and they didn't, they weren't so lucky. Yeah, they got stuck. But guess what? I was stuck for years also time. You remember I'm 15. I was stuck for fucking 15 years. For 15 years, I was stuck on a drug that I was stuck on a

drug and I had fear and I had confusion and anger. I had a lot of anger and when you add the drugs to the fucking anger that turns into a so it took time it takes time to work through things I guess the best thing to say is that they never really work through things that's the only way I could figure this out how some people just get stuck and some people do it in the beginning of their lives and some people do it at the end of their lives you know I don't get it I don't understand I could never, ever, ever again put a line of Coke to my nose. Not because of, just because I went through it already. I went to that state already.

I went to that state. I visited, I took pictures, I bought souvenirs. I did everything. I went there already. You know, I could never do a lot of the things. And when I hear of people R.A., it's still snorting Coke in North Bergen. It kills me. Yeah.

It kills me. It kills me about the reason why I brought, I was thinking about Regina. He used to date, she used to date Kurt. Regina was a beautiful girl She only dated Glenn Conti, Kurt and Ed Connors All those guys are tens Those are tens

Those men were tens They could be on any cover of any fucking GQ Glenn Conti Kurt Di Lorenzo in his heyday And Eddie Connors They could be on the cover of any magazine at any time They just blew it Definitely

They just blew it I saw a picture Eddie Connors And Facebook from 20 years ago He looked like a Hollywood star Do you know who that was, Eddie Connors? Oh, definitely. Oh, for sure. The fireman, he was a fireman. This guy looked like a fucking Hollywood star.

That's who that Regina dated. And I think of a guy like Kurt, who we were cousins with. We were family. I ate in his house. I lived in his house. He's M.I.A. How did that happen, Tanya? I know.

That breaks my heart. And I had, I mean, he was like the brother I never had. He was our brother. You know, you try so hard to help someone, but you really can't, you can't rescue someone. They have to rescue themselves. No. What happened there? I mean, this kid went to college.

This kid made millions. This kid, 30 years ago, was on top of the world. To see a kid now that they say that doesn't have shoes. He walks around. Yeah, it's heartbreaking. It's... Is it luck? I mean, so what's the determining factor?

You know, we don't have to get all psychoanalytical, but it's a little bit of luck? Is it hard work? Is it just, you know, I don't know. But I'm grateful for what... It's luck, hard work, and the stars definitely have to fucking align. But it's got to do with you And you go on one morning

You waking up and going This doesn't work for me no more This fucking doesn't work for me no more I'm going to try this That's what we're just talking about here That I've been stuck between 300 and 309 For the last 90 days Before that I was at 316 fucking pounds

And I lost the weight after the testosterone But for the last month I'm a zigzag in between that And some guy sent me an email saying that I should write down my diet again like weight watches. So I did it the last two weeks. And I looked at it and I saw what I was doing wrong.

Yeah, I don't eat bread no more. And yeah, there's no soda in the house and I exercise. But my wife has a child now. We have a child and she's buying children's food there. So she started buying those fucking cheese puffs. Every time I walk by the counter, I eat two fucking cheese puffs. By the end of the day, you eat 16 cheese puffs. That's 300 fucking calories.

that you thought you walked off on the eucalyptical machine. Right. Now, let me ask you this. Do you also finish the food on her plate? Because that doesn't be. You think it doesn't sound. No, no, I don't eat the baby's plate. No, she eats all fucking none, whatever food.

My wife gives her, like, food with no fucking flavor. She's starting off early into the Gentile world. The other day I gave her Cuban rice and chicken with hot sauce. My wife had a heart attack, but she bit something hot. Then she started crying. My wife said, I don't know what the fuck happened. But no, no, and I'm trying to really, you know, I got to go for this colonoscopy.

Now you got me all scared. I got to fart and they're going to turn the lights out and fucking put a camera up my asshole. But these are things you got to do, Tanya, to make it to the next level. You know, I want to live till I'm 70 now. I want to see this girl graduate high school. Of course you do.

No, and you have to do the right thing. The colonoscopy, don't be scared because you're in, you know, La La Land. They really do this nice medicine they give you. But I'm telling you, you're going to not only fart yourself. You're going to hear everyone else's fart around you. Where they give you the medicine? Where do you the medicine?

Listen, do they give me intravenous? Probably they'll give you an IV, and it's like a twilight. So it's not general anesthesia, but you won't remember a darn thing. They say you have the best sleep of your life when you get a colonoscopy. It's only like 15 minutes. But you feel like you slept like 12 hours. Yeah, but if you sleep, the cameras up your ass and they see you, they're naked, your assholes wide open.

Listen, if you come over my house and you fall asleep and I play with a camera up your asshole, and I know you definitely will be asleep for 45 minutes, I'm going to put another shit up your asshole, not my day. but, you know, maybe a tick-tac. Who knows? I'm going to have a good time with your asshole. What the fuck? Lee, what's happening over there?

You have any questions for Dr. Tanya Lee? No, the childbirth thing was crazy because I remember you during that time, and you didn't kind of, I don't know if it hit you then or you just didn't want to talk about it, but, like, you were definitely more on edge during that time.

And then after Mercy was born, you were like, yeah, I mean, I read that thing, and I went crazy. Like, thinking about that, like, and now it's kind of, crazy because Mercy is such a beautiful girl. But when your wife comes to you at 43, is any part of you, like,

it's not safe to have the kid? I couldn't tell her that. There was no way I was going to tell her that, that it wasn't safe because I didn't even want it up in the universe. I just went online to see if there was anything I could do to help her. Walk with her. You know, if there were some different things I could do at the age of 40 with the women, walk with her,

go swimming with her, what I could do to help her out. And I saw all these negatives. And that's what put me on the fucking edge. You know, that's all it was. I'm sorry if I No, no, no, but it wasn't It was just, it was interesting And I mean, it's horrible to even think about

But I mean, I just Because like, we had Miss Pat here last night I had a kid at 12 I can't imagine how much We had a lady here last night They had a kid at 12, Tanya Oh, geez Fucking 12

Two by the time she was like 14 Yeah, two by the time she was 14 By a 25 year old dude Yeah, that's crazy stuff That's crazy. But, I mean, would you ever think that women, like, you think a women dying in childbirth? You think that's like the colonial days. You think that's like in Africa.

No, people are dying in this country. Like I said, it's gone up 136 percent since 1990. That's crazy. So is it because, like, there's complications during the C-section that wouldn't have been there during the natural childbirth? Is that most of it? That's definitely, I won't say most of it. I don't want to give incorrect information. But, you know, when the World Health Organization says that 5 to 10 percent of women need these sections,

and we're doing 36 percent of them, and the World Health Organization also says doing more than 15 percent does way more harm than good, yeah, that's one of the reasons why women are dying in childbirth. It also has to do with, again, being unhealthy going in. I mean, you can't have high blood pressure, diabetes, you know, be obese and push a baby out and not have a complication. So that definitely has an effect, too. We're generally less healthy. But I think we interfere too much.

Having a baby is not a medical procedure. It's natural. You should just let it happen. It doesn't need help. It just needs you to not interfere with it. I mean, it's proven when the fucking taxi cab driver helps a woman have a baby. You know, every fucking day you read about a taxi crab, a cop, a fucking bum, somebody, a lady didn't make it. And she gets down, they get hot water, they get some towels, and the baby spits it out right there in the fucking cab.

I mean, it happens all the time. I mean, it's easy for me to talk about because I've never come close to experiencing it. but it sounds kind of like what I know personally is the problem with me losing weight. It's like you want the easier way out. So it seems like maybe the women are saying, oh, I want the nicest. I don't want to feel anything, which I can understand why you wouldn't want to feel that coming out of you. But, I mean, it seems like there's no easy way around. You're just got to do it.

Now, what you're saying. But these are the same women. I got to say this. These are the women who say, I don't want to feel pain in childbirth or I want to schedule a C-section so I'm numb and I know when it's going to happen. these are the same women who are getting friggin' Brazilian bikini waxes walking around in like six-inch heels and doing triathlons. Those three things hurt like hell, okay? But you don't want to push a baby out?

Like, I don't get that. I call bullshit on that, for sure. Let me ask you this, because I'm looking at this from a different angle now. So let's say Terry went and had the baby naturally. Boom. Hospital, a couple fucking people. They spit it out one night's day. Comparison to cesarean, what's a difference in cause?

approximately double to triple okay so there's your answer right there so I'll gonna tell you something my wife mentioned it to me cesarean she I know she mentioned it and then she said no because her girlfriend had a cesarean and the girlfriend that had the cesarean is a chick that is like a model type chick she carries guns you know she's very a the gym every day and she had a cesarian because she didn't want to scar. I don't know what the fuck the deal was. So you're absolutely right on the type of women that do it.

She carries a piece. She's a model. She works out. You should have seen this girl at childbirth. She was ripped to shreds from working out. She went to the gym twice a day while she was pregnant. But she had the cesarian. Yeah, and that's an elective cesarian.

And again, I'm going to get hate mail and you might too. I mean, people say, I needed the two-section. And if someone needs a two-section because her baby is in trouble, or they're in trouble, that's what they're there for. I have no problem with that, and we're very blessed to have C-section to save a mommy and a baby. But when I'm talking that a doctor says, you know, a doctor doesn't want to get called at 6 o'clock on a Saturday night to go deliver a baby vaginally. Isn't it nice to say, well, do your C-section on a Monday morning?

This way, if you have any complications, I can see you Monday through Friday, and I have my weekend to myself. Now, I don't think they go through that calculated. But when you can control it and go, oh, I got four patients that are due this week, you know, I'm going to be up all night. I'm not going to get to sleep. My daughter's graduating. You think they don't want to do a C-section? You know, a scheduled plant cesarean.

They do. Or even an induction where they put them on into labor, you know, with drugs. They want to control it. People and hospitals like to control things. And when someone's dying of cancer, they should control things. When someone gets hit by a train, they should control things. When you're having a baby, step away. Fucking Dr. Tanya, the Monday fucking morning.

Giving out rules. I like it, Tanya. I got a few things to say about that. don't I know I like it I like you have to work today though what's your scheduled no I work on Thursday mornings that's that's when I see patients and the rest of the week I write I write on my blog and I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna openly solicit your listeners to go to my blog dr. Tanya dot com D-R-T-A and I check me out read about Uncle Joey the story about when I met you when I was in

fourth grade so I write every day I go do yoga every day I did yoga on the farm my friend has a farm I did it last night for an hour and a half it was a outside with the crickets. I take care of my kids and my husband, you know, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I do the wife thing. I do the laundry, the cook, and the cleaning. And I have a nice, very balanced life. I'm very blessed. I get to see patients. I get to educate patients online. I get to take care of myself. Life is good. I'll tell you, ever since I've recommunicated with you, my life's been a little better. Your voice is very soothing and your, and Tanya Messina. Not only somebody hit me up the other day and tell me about that I should check out my diet again.

Somebody hit me up three days ago and right off the bat said bluntly that you should get in touch your daughter again when I thought about you. And it's really weird that you called today because I didn't answer the email. I was going to talk to you about it because we had the discussion in the car that day and it really hit home with me. But I didn't want, I think when I left there, I left there, I didn't want you to think that I had given up or I had. I hadn't hit her up in the last few years. Like I said, I hit her up the last three years in a row, two on her birthday, and one was before the school year,

and I got no response to three years in a row. So I just moved on with my life. No, you have to, because that's like banging your head against the wall, right? Doing the same thing, expecting a different result. That's what insanity is. So you have to take care. You have a wife and a baby now. You've got to love them.

But, you know, I just having kids, and you know looking at your baby girl, that babies, you know, girls need their daddies. And I just think that, you know, now that she's an adult your daughter, that if there's some way that, you know, I could help you find her or her find you, that she's always thinking about you. I don't care what anyone says. Girls don't forget their dad. My dad was absent from my life for most of my life.

And there wasn't a day went by that I didn't think about him. And at the end of his life, he died at 88 at the end of his life, and he was like 83. We reconnected. And I'm so grateful for that. I'm so grateful for that. And so if, you know, if you have the opportunity to reconnect with him, your daughter and just say your piece that you love her and you wish it was different

and that show if you're moving forward that's a huge gift for her no you know that's that I've tried and I think that people at times think I'm an insensitive guy and I want to just clear the air that 1994 five and six was some of the toughest years in my life never mind going to jail never mind my mom dying never mind just being confused for fucking 10 years of your life just it was so tough and I thought that if I walked away and did something in my life because I wasn't winning and I was never going to win at the pace I was going. I was eventually going to do something and end up in jail and I knew the direction I was going and I walked away but the whole time I had made myself a promise that if I watch it grow from a distance and I'm not involved in

a life 24-7 I have to make sure I do something in my life. You know I have to make sure that when I see her again, that I'll say, listen, we were apart for 20 years. But this is what I did in the last 20 years. Your life wasn't in vain. I just didn't go away and forget about you. I did all these things to let you know that I was working towards this meeting, you know. When I stopped seeing my daughter, I had nothing, Tanya. I had hand to, whatever I made doing comedy, I paid her in the attorney,

and I shoplifted to take her to lunch and shit like that on money. on Wednesdays and Sundays. It was a horrible life, Tanya, but I made it work. I made it fucking work. And then the opportunity of eyes with comedy, and I jumped on it. And I still tried to keep in touch. I did the best I could, but I had forces outside of me that were working against me, you know, her mother.

And today, look, I don't talk to her. It's been a couple of years, but everything's been paid off. My commitment's been still there, you know. Over the years, I sent stuff that was extra. You know, I sent Teddy bears, and I'm sure she never got her. I mean, Tanya, the story goes forever. We could sit here for hours, but I just wanted everybody to know, and I appreciate what you were trying to do in that last conversation we had.

And I'm going to reach out. I'm going to reach out when the time is right, when I get a hold of her. And right now I'm just enjoying Mercy and trying to get a second chance, you know. Well, you above anybody, deserve that second chance. And anyone who knows your Coco, even just a little bit, they know that you always do the right thing. So I have no doubt that you are only supported and loved in this, in this whole scenario with your first daughter and know that we all love you and support

you, and it's going to happen the way it's supposed to happen. If you know anything about me, it would be my dream to have them both of the table with me. You know what I'm saying? Bolton. And one could tell the other one or the one could tell, you know, that would be a dream come true with my wife. And I would love to even talk to my ex-wife. But I don't think I could.

That's one conversation. I don't think I could because it's that, like I told you, it's that painful. It wasn't just a divorce. They were trying to cut my legs off. And I'm a bad person at times. And there's no reason for that. Yeah, there was no reason for that. And I've done a lot of bad things, but not enough to cut my legs off like that.

It was just a cold-blood of things. I would never even do to her. And afterward, I did some things that I regret today. I regret them today as a man. But you make your mistakes and you move on, you know. And I'm happy you call, Donya. And I'm happy that you're in my life. And I'm happy that we talk and you're a fucking savior.

You're a warmth and your web page. And I check on you from time to time. I like on your little Facebook page there. And I see that you're fucking hustling. You want to sell what you got. And you got something good to sell. Well, I appreciate that. You know, I really feel like after 25 years of practicing,

I feel like I do have some good advice to offer. And I love doing it once in one with my patience. That's very fulfilling. and I still do that, but, you know, like I look online and I've reached, you know, like 15,000 people with an article. And I think if I can change, if I just change one of those people's lives for the better, if they made one better decision because I said something, it makes me feel really good. You know, I mean, there's so many things working against us in health. You know, we get crappy food and crappy water and crappy air and we're working, you know, working ourselves to death and not sleeping. And if one thing I say can change someone's life for the better, then that's what makes it worthwhile for me.

You know, I really, I really am humbled to have the opportunity to help someone make a better health decision, for sure. It's amazing how many times I've known in life that I've had to make a decision about something. And I've read somebody's article that I don't even know. I don't even know. I knew my best friend is a jiu-jitsu fucking master. I got 20 friends that that's all they do. And I took an article by Stephen Kepling, a guy online about jiu-jitsu, about beginning jiu-jitsu that made me joy. I was just telling Lee, you know, six years ago when I made the constant decision to get healthy,

I was doing all this stuff at the gym and cutting my diet. I didn't know what to do. And I was frustrated because in six months I lost three pounds. And one day, some guy wrote an article about dieting is what you do to lose weight. You know, like it's not all about working out. Just that little simple article changed everything. It made me join Weight Watchers. So I know that what you're doing helps people.

It's like twisting a jar and it doesn't open, and all of a sudden somebody comes along and just twist it for you, some little kid does it. That's what you do with your writing sometimes. So I'm happy that you're doing that, Tanya. I appreciate that. We've got to get you, Enli. What's the missing link in your diets?

What do you think? What can I help you clean up in your diets that you think is, that you know that you're messing up with that I can give you some advice on? I was talking to a gentleman at the gym at Justin Fortune's gym. Jimmy. He goes, listen, Joey, after 50, a glass of water puts weight on you. He goes, you really got to watch the sweets, and you really got to watch this and this,

and now, you know, I'm not blaming nobody. It's me. It's me, the one that eats the cheese doodles. It's me that, you know, I stopped eating bread, but I eat the wheat bread, you know, and my wife buys cold cuts, so I'll still make a cheese sandwich of mustard late at night, you know? I'm not eating ice cream or cakes or stuff like that. That's not, I'm not eating, I'm not eating.

go in a restaurant and eating, it's little things, little adjustments I need to make. That's it. And I just realized. Well, you know, it's really scary, Coco is that 80% of the food in the grocery store, and I'm not talking dessert. Like, let's forget about ice cream, cookies, cakes. That's not included in this. 80% of the food has sugar in it. That doesn't need sugar. So we're talking pasta sauce, marinate, salad dressings, everything has sugar in. And sugar is really, I believe, the one diet, the one thing that's in our food that makes us fat. So you have to read every freaking label, every freaking label. You know, obviously, get rid of the soda, get rid of the cakes, cookies, ice creams.

But you have to read things. Like, can you imagine 80% of the items in the grocery have sugar in them that don't need it? And so, number one, it's addictive. Number two, it's what makes you fat because your body, sugar goes, you know, without getting too complicated and technical. Basically, when you have too much sugar goes right to fat. So sugars and bread, you know, sugars even in wheat bread, they're sugar. So you're better off to eat a cheese sandwich.

eat cheese to hack with the bread it's just amazing and you know what I go in front of the house and I work out and I walk and I really try to stay on this it's amazing I haven't had nothing but water and tea for the last six days straight I think the other day I was on a plane I asked a lady for a diet coke just for a change I said let me get a fucking diet Coke or something besides that it's always water and tea lately just because that's it's so it's not like I'm not trying so it gets frustrating now I know I know you're trying to Every time I talk to you, coming back from Tai Chi and acupuncture and kettlebells, I know that you are definitely working, but there's clearly a missing link if the numbers are not going in the right direction.

So maybe my advice to you and Lee and your listeners is to really just read every label. And if it says sugar, like in the first five ingredients, and sugar is high fructose corn syrup, it's cane syrup, it's maltose. I mean, I have articles on that on my website. There's like 28 names for sugar, so they mess with you. Because if it said sugar, you'd know to avoid it. But when it says like Malto Dextran, you don't think it's sugar, but it is. So they screw with you a lot. I just watched the movie Set Up.

Katie Couric, the girl from the news, she directed and produced a movie called Set Up. And it's about the sugar industry. I have to say it's a little technical, but it's really good. And it shows you how messed up, you know, messed up our country is that it's a political, there are political reasons why there's sugar on everything because the sugar lobbyists, they like to sell it to us, you know. So that's a good movie to check out and might help you to understand. you know, maybe why you're not dropping the weight as quickly as you'd like.

So you can get it. I think you can get it online, but I know it's in theaters now, set up. You might want to check that out. Even the edibles I eat, I look at the labels with the edibles, and I tell them at the weed store to tell the fucking people that make edibles with, you know, no sugar in them to put, because there's a lot of edibles for diabetics, you know. I bet. They've even gone that far.

Sheba chew is 60 calories. So this ain't killing you. 60 calories don't kill it. That's one point. that weight watches. You get 44 of those in the day, and an extra 35 of them on Sunday. So at one point a day,

even if you eat one of these a day, it's seven fucking points. It's not going to kill you. So I don't know what it is. And it's been fucking killing me. I'm big, and I go to Jiu-Jitsu. And listen, no matter how much I stop smoking and I do cardio,

it's 300 fucking pounds. It's 300 pounds every time you fucking make a move, you know? There's times I have to pick the cat litter up from my wife and there eats like 60 pounds or something and I go wow this is what I used to put on my body this definitely has to fuck my heart you know so what I really want to do is oh and not all your heart your joints I mean think about it like you know even if you're thin and you carry around it you know 15 pound bag of potatoes that's you know it's heavy you go geez you know you

put on 15 pounds in the blink of an eye I mean that's a lot of stress on your body so I'm gonna try to get out of the 300 club get down at 299 then go to work from me there go down to 270, go down a 265, just work it very slowly, just wait, watch a style, you know, just take a little bit off. I'm going to try to really write everything down. I got a notebook, a master notebook the other day, and I'm starting to write everything down. And it's helped. It's really helped a lot, so that's my next step.

And read the label. Seriously, read the labels, Coco, because you'll be surprised, sugars and everything. So if you have, and I'm not saying buy sugar-free bullshit with the fake sugar in it, don't stay away from the artificial sweeteners. Just buy stuff with, that's not processed. buy stuff that doesn't have a label. You know, you eat an apple, you don't need to eat applesauce and sugar in it. You know, eat real food.

That's why I love you, Tanya. I'll give you a call this weekend. I'm happy you've got to call this morning. Hey, can I ask your listeners? Check me out again on Facebook. It's Ask Dr. Tanya, A-S-K-D-R-T-A-N-I-A. If you like what you see, click the like button, we'd love to have you come back. Your readers are the bomb.

You listen to the bomb. They always write in and say nice things about me. I appreciate it. They're very health-conscious people. There's a couple of them that are chubby that are trying to make the same move we're making. So as long as they learn something, Tanya, everybody's fucking happy. I love you.

Love you too, Coco. Thanks for having me back. Bye, Lee. Thank you, Mama. Have a great week. You too. Bye-bye. What's up, Lee? Why are you sitting there all depressed and shit? I'm not depressed at all. You're stone to the kills again.

Fucked up. Tebow chew that fucking green one. They put extra in their first bag. We were gone for a while. Let's go a little bit of the next thing. You look good, though. I'm happy. You're looking good.

You got red today. It was perfect. The fucking Girl Scout cookie took you right into the Cheapochoo. Who's better than me? Who takes care of your like, Uncle Fucking Joe? Pretty soon, then you're going to be walking around in, like, a tuxedo. You know, you know, like the wine people at restaurants? Like I told Dr. Pad or Miss Pad, who I told you the other day, I'm no fucking Jim Jam Jew.

You know what I'm saying? What's that mean? Jim Jam Jew. I'm no fucking genius. You know what I'm saying? I don't know nothing about nothing. I know about fucking... Like, who is the gym?

I know what I fucking did for 30 years. I was a loser, dog. I did drugs for 30 fucking years. So all these drug counts so they could suck my dick. You want the master mix? Look at Lee. He's chilling like a fucking doctor.

Lee, if you close your eyes right now, then thought for two minutes beside the sound of the construction? Yeah. You think you're in fucking Bermuda. You think you're sitting there laying there with the sun, somebody's licking your nuts. How good do you feel right now?

This is better than the fucking half a cookie. I told you. Who's the Captain Kirk and a fucking... I didn't complain about having a fucking... I gave you half a cookie to take you outside of your realm. Sometimes you've got to go on the deep end and swim around. But today, where are you? You're in four feet of water.

Nothing can happen to you. You're like a fucking doctor. That's what the best thing about Mondays are. You're a fucking doctor. That's what I'm trying to tell you. All these drug can't countesses that I can figure out the problem for you. You got a coke problem you hit me up. You got an H problem.

You hit me to fuck up. We'll get your fucking clean and sober. You'll still be addictive, but maybe it'll be a cheever. So I'd a lot better than put a needle in your fucking arm every week. I can't even imagine. Can you fucking imagine me? So what did you think? Because this is going to come out after

the Miss Pat one. When she said she never used it, is that surprising to you? Like how can you be around something with you who got hooked on it? Like, what did that, how did that affect you? Listen, brother,

every, we're psychopaths. Let's get this down. I'm a fucking psychopath, okay? Yeah, we're nice people, we're all humans, but you've got to break yourself up. And in that craziness, we do certain things.

I snorted Coke 364 days of the year. The only day I took off was New Year's Eve. You'd think that was my biggest day. Yeah. But for some fucking reason, I didn't fucking work on New Year's.

I didn't snort Coke on New Year's fucking day, okay? New Year's Eve, whatever the fuck. I had little quirks. You know, listen, man, I broke into people's houses. I sold my soul. You know, I robbed drug dealers. Some kid hit me up the other day. I hope you raise your daughter better than they raised you and robbing people's harder in money.

No, I never rob nobody's hard and money, you fucking jerk off. I robbed drug dealers. Once you go into that realm or anything that goes and with that realm is fucking legit. I'm writing a book the other day and I was writing a description of who I was in 1984. And I was a loser, but my hobby was drugs and everything that came with it. She even said that she expects to get robbed. you it's drugs and everything that comes with it my friend I never busted into a guys like Lee's house and took his computer and pawned it

I didn't know nothing about that shit that's that you know I felt bad that was my thing I would feel bad if I had a robbery you know what I'm saying even though I kidnapped Bella that time there was a lot of things I wouldn't do you know all those years I never robbed the car I always thought robbing the car was the dumbest fucking thing in the world because you're in it I can't get out of that mess I'm in the fucking car. With a check or a weapon I can throw it down a fucking thing and buy me eight hours at time. And even if they find it,

you can argue it wasn't in your pocket. With a car, I got no fucking argument. I'm in it. Fuck. So you got to remember there's certain things that people will do and certain things that they won't do. You know, hey listen, man, I was never

fucking, I never did sexual tricks for fucking drugs. The drug didn't push me to that. I wasn't like Martin Downey Jr. in that one movie that he did about drugs when he plays the, you never seen the movie from 87. That's his best part of all time, Robert Downey.

He plays a junkie kid. Okay. That's his best fucking movie. And he's drooling and he has to suck guys. Dicks for Coke. Nah, I don't know nothing about that fucking. Oh, I know he never went that far, but we just... No, I don't know that world.

You do certain things and you have limitations. And listen, I never really thought I would kidnap somebody. The day I did it, I had limitations. The day I did it, that type of... a deal, I went to prison. And let me tell you something, guys, and I'm not going to lie, nobody here. I got in trouble in 88.

At 93, I did another drug rip with some friends of mine, and they'd scared the shit out of me. Like, I couldn't believe I was there again. And I remember getting to the Congo, and if I make it home, I'm done. And I think two months after that, I went back to Colorado to raise Jackie.

That's a true story. That I've never told anybody on the podcast or anything. No, I've never heard of it. No. I did another drug rip with some guys. in New York and it was so fucking scary and I got no reason to lie to you guys I was three minutes from shit in my pants and having a heart attack but it wasn't that I was fear from being there robbing these guys it was the fear that I couldn't

believe I was putting myself back in this position again yeah I could not fucking believe that after the time and I was letting society beat me and that was one thing at that time I swore I would not let society beat me again that if I did blow do it under the radar. But this guy was with my Gumbas. He was one of my friends. And I knew that, you know, when he came to me, I couldn't say no. And I avoided him.

I thought he was fucked on me because he was fucked up like me. But thank God it all worked out. And I moved on. And I never put a weapon in my hand again. I never wanted that stuff in my life again, man. So it just fucking hurts me talking about it because it was the most foolish mistake of my life. Yeah, you must, was it like, did you,

almost get caught or? No, it wasn't even close. We kicked down the door. They were all in the living room. We made him get down. He went through it. I didn't have to go through anything. I didn't go through anybody's pockets. I just sat there with a gun in my hand. If anybody made a move. You want to talk about fear? You want to talk about being fucking scared, guys? Just praying that nobody moves? Praying, because you might not be scared to shoot him or you're that stupid, and you do shoot them.

And these guys laid there. It took fucking, it took fucking, it took fucking four. minutes but it felt like a half hour and I remember running down those fucking stairs and all I want to do is get rid of that fucking gun that's all I wanted to fucking do was get rid of that fucking gun man and I remember getting the car and putting the gun

and telling him to drop me off and him going wine I made up a story right there in the car because what if they call the cops and there's looking for fucking four guys let's break it down somebody else take a fucking train too and I made them drop me over 178 and that was the end of that I fucking barely

I had maybe, like how I didn't have an aneurysm on the bus ride over that fucking bridge back to New Jersey. I'll never figure out. I'll never fucking figure out. You talk a lot about how, like, being a friend is important, and if you get in something, I'll, like, I'll support you, like, that thing. But, like, I don't know the story, so I don't know which friend it is. But, like, when you, like, after that's done, do you get pissed off that your friend who knows you just got out of jail for it? What did you put you in that situation? Because that pissing me off.

I got pissed off at my loyalty. I got pissed off at my loyalty. You know, I got pissed off for putting myself in that situation. It wasn't his fault. I could have been the bigger man, but I also know what I went through with that kid. I also know what he went through with me, you know? And I couldn't say, no.

What if he had gone and I didn't go and he got shot? You understand me, dog? So in my mind, there was so many. stupid fucking things. I still love that person until today. I love him. I love him until the end of time. He was my brother. He was a criminal, but guess what? He gave me rides to comedy gigs.

I don't know a lot of fucking regular people that give fucking people rides to comedy gigs when I'm getting no fucking money. Right. So because of that, that's why I did it. Because it was many times I called him and said, hey dog, I ain't got a dime and I'm stuck here. And he'd go, where you at? Walk to this corner.

I'll be there in 15 fucking minutes. You know, so you have to understand. I knew him, you know, at the time I was maybe 30. Yeah. And I knew him 15 of those years. It wasn't like some guy bumped into on the street. I knew where he came from. I knew where his house was. I knew where his heart was. And I knew that if the tables were turned around, he'd shoot a motherfucker for me in a New York minute. And it's crazy because, like... And knowing that puts this pride and his love

in your heart. Can't even... But also knowing that I could have done 15 to 20 years for him puts a weird feeling. got out. No, it was, let's say I got out in 89. This was either 93 and 94. 93. And then like, just last night,

you were like, why, like, I was telling him this, I can't, I can't, none of this, I can't relate to any of this. So it's not judgment, but it's, like, when you said, like, what if he went and he got shot when I wasn't there, like, oh, I can't even, I can't imagine

getting into, like, okay, I get addicted. if I had to, like, if I had to rob somebody to get cheeseburgers, I wouldn't have cheeseburgers anymore. I can't be that addicted, but then getting into it, like, okay, we can make a little money if we sell what we have. Okay, we can make more money. If we go and rob this guy, I'm like,

fuck, I can't imagine carrying a gun. Lee, I wasn't addicted to the Coke. I was addicted to the danger. Oh, God. I was addicted to everything that came with it. I was addicted to knowing that at any time somebody could be looking for me. That's terrible. You don't want to fucking ever pull a gun.

If I'm sitting here and tell you people that I wanted to pull a gun on people all my life, I'm fucking lying to you. I pray to God I'd have to fucking pull that gun. But just knowing that it's there, knowing that it's fucking there. That whole lifestyle comes with so much drama. But then again, it comes with so much laughter and so much craziness. Like I sit here sometimes now and just fucking laugh because everything else. else means nothing now.

I used to walk into a room with guns and try to put you together to give me fucking two ounces of coke and walk out of that. Now, I walk into rooms to do auditions and I convince you to fucking give me a role in your stupid movie or your stupid fucking TV show. So what's

the difference? What have I learned? It's the guys, it's been a fucking hell of a ride, man. You want to judge somebody? You fucking want to judge them. Hey, I'm no fucking top-noddutch fucking comic. let them and whatever but like I told you motherfuckers I knew that if I talked to you guys and told you where my heart was you'd understand this is why this is great what we do and people come out

and people email us and we have a great time because people understand man so what I made mistakes so what Mrs. Pat made mistakes we all fucking made mistakes now we we live a great life and we're telling people what I'm telling you Lee I told you something today I haven't told nobody nobody that I felt fucking horrible about for dirty fucking years and I didn't plan on telling you this today I didn't plan on this this just came out of my heart today you know so

thank you for understand what do you think about looking back at it like looking back at the actions now are you like that's fucking crazy like I just like I can't imagine there's no looking back I just giggle I just fucking giggle I just

I'm happy how do you think it like maybe that's because I'm high but like you grew up in a pretty middle class town and there's some towns like even let's just say your town of my town we're only six hours apart

we're not that different how can people grow up so close to each other and your life is fucking robin coke dealers and I could never hold a gun I could hold a gun but I was always worried if I put it in my pocket or holster I never trusted the safety

so I'm gonna shoot myself but like how does it how did two people, like not even like America and Iraq, like two people in the same zip code can grow up totally different lives. It's the energy. It's fucking crazy. It's amazing who you really

are when you're like seven or eight. Or even 10 or 11 or 12. Those are your common core beliefs. When you're 12, you know when a kid is 13, you're like, what are you going to be? I'm going to be a cop and he's kind of goofy or whatever, but you have common little beliefs that and I have those beliefs again. After I stopped doing drugs and started full,

I got my beliefs back, and I realized I couldn't carry a gun. That's how I knew I wasn't. It's not that I was crazy, because if I was still crazy, I'd carry a gun. It was just a weakness in my heart at the time. It was just, you get these holes in your fucking heart from time to time, and you have to fill them. And once you fill them all, then, you know, you can move forward. I wasn't prepared to move forward.

I had all these holes in my game, man. And that was one of them. That was one of them, robbing drug dealers. That was one of them, doing drugs. That was one of them. You know, all those years, the people I was hanging out with were my friends. There was a lot of people in that core that were my fucking blood. They were my blood.

So I want you to understand that I was with family. When I was in Colorado doing that dumb shit, I was with Jimmy Burke a lot of times. So I had blood in the area, you know. I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying. Fuck. On it, you bad motherfuckers. I can't say enough good things about it. I can't say enough good things about him.

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The baby is fucking adorable. He had a Batman cape on or a Superman cape on. I love you guys up there. David, I love you, motherfuckers, what you're doing, whether it's those goomies or monos, whether it's the vapor pen from fucking death. It's one of the best vapor pens on the market. When you mention Joey Diaz, you get what?

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With big asses boom They'll give you an additional 250% off you can't lose dollars Huh? We can't give 250% off No $250 I'm sorry I'm a little fucked up at 6 in the morning That'd be a great deal. Call Jeremy, maybe you can figure out a way to get them.

Jeremy's a good fucking dude. Call him up on the $8009. You have any questions about flotation tanks, shipping, handling, people building it, you know, building the box for you because he has residential, commercial, industrial. Don't write this guy. Let's say you have a tanning salon. Take a chance.

Put a fucking thing in there. What do you got to lose? Let's say you have a fucking massage party. You got women sucking dick. Think about it. After somebody sucks your dick, you put him in a flow shaktation. They'll be back the following week with a finger up the ass and a fucking thing. I'm just dropping ideas to you.

Let's say you do. Let's say you're a dick sucker in your home and you're sucking the dick and giving a massage. Call Jeremy, get a flotation tank. You throw the fucking victims in the flotation tank afterwards. Let them get their head together. Nobody does that. That's the extra step.

If you're going to be a professional. Maybe they can figure out of way to give you your colonoscopy to be in the tank. Let me ask you something. When was the last time I hit you in the head with a fucking... Where's my song today? It's Monday, Cuck Sucker. A little Tony Bennett. I want to be around out of respect.

I love you guys. I ain't going nowhere. We're just playing some music here for you. Having a good time on the church today. It's Monday, the 9th of June, you bad motherfuckers. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Time for a mate. I'm so it's Monday we got none after this you got another pack all you got to

walk right from here I got direct to you will what time to be true no no 12 to 4 12 to 4 cut it out you got know where to go put the music on who leave you to learn what's that what is that little girl face I almost no no do the fucking fake right you holding in your mouth I saw it got to wait a see expanding your lungs and your belly push it and then go slow slow slow that's a boy hold it there you go there you go one more one more for the communist what the fuck listen look at the fucking shape of you let's see if the puzzle fits you bad motherfuckers Monday get it together wash your feet clean your asshole you don't want to be out there

snicking up the fucking joint then you wonder why you got no friends When I'll discover That revenge is sweet Are you kidding me or what? Turn that off, Cox, I'm never kidding me. It's a beautiful day to be alive. So we did Matt Pat last night, Miss Pat, and then you got Tanya today.

We did our thing. We won't see you until next fucking Monday now, Coxuckers. That's how I roll. Maybe we'll do something Wednesday. I don't know. See how the Jew feels. Okay, well, see how did you feel?

Look at this shape of you. I was telling you guys a couple weeks on a live podcast If you listened to the last one from the Ice House Was it Rick Shapiro? Oh no, it was Ari Shafir. It was Ari Shafir that I always felt Lawrence Fishburn Was the best fucking black actor

And I wanted to prove my point this morning You can't watch it Unless you watch it live You could see it You could hear it This is the opening scene From the King of New York A little gift for you motherfuckers on Monday

If you want to watch it with this I mean, not if you're watching live but if you're listening, just pause it and go to, it's called King of New York intro drug deal uncut, and I'm going to start it at 21 seconds. All right, guys, check this fucking shit out, all right? I love you guys.

See you next Monday. Please, stay black, do what the fuck you want to do. Grab your balls. It's Monday. Tell them all to suck your dick. It's your fucking world, all right? No, no, put the thing on. Oh, okay.

Just in case. Oh, boy, what's so? What? It's taking so long, man. What are you talking to this? It's going to take a minute. Like, crazy-eyed guy. The guy for one walk-out-upy.

That's his most scene. So it's Lawrence Fishburn. Calm down, all right. Relax. Yeah, I'm sure you had to do this. He's going out the coast, the guy from one. That's a show you and better guy. Siento porcinto.

Right. It's dope. Tito. Yo, man, you forget the feeling you was being watched. Damn. Got any soda, man. Like some real. Rupa or something. I heard my leg playing ball, man. I got these aspirins I want to take.

You know, what the fuck is he? You, man, tell him to turn this shit off. What kind of help you got, man? Watching cartoons. Tell my man to turn the TV off and get me a soda. Unco cola, for a for a bar, please. Bola, yeah, and make sure it's cold. I like my shit cold, man, especially when I'm playing ball, man. You play ball, too? Now, you don't look like you play no ball, but, yo, nice gloves, man. I like, though. You jump? Yeah, what's up?

It's copacetic, man. Now, maybe you're satisfied. No, maybe now I want to check out another one. The fuck I look like Joe Neckbone, man. Trust ain't one of my stronger qualities, you know what I'm saying? You fucking disrespect me, man. I guarantee the shit not the hell we're testing and let's get to the large plus 10%.

Did he say 10%? Wait a minute, Tito, man. We had a deal, man. What's up? What 10% you're talking about, man? Transportation cost, amigo. I got expenses. Well, take the train if you got expenses and transportation, man.

Why do you want to be greedy, Tito? You fuck the sucking greed, that's our price. No one else even talks to you. God damn, motherfuckett. Donius not take it or leave it. Why you want to talk to me like that, man? Take it or leave it? Take it to leave it?

I take it. Because I like you. I'm gonna take it. Just pack this shit up. That's about that, Nick. You're in power, Tito. You're in power. You're the king, Tito.

Where's my soda? Hey, for the bullet holes, puttah. Tendous, food service, motherfuckers! So if you're bored and you want to see a real fucking movie this weekend on your own, just watch King of New York for a little while and watch Lawrence Fishburton's acting. He looks so fucking young. He's like Wolf Smith. He's fucking badass in this.

And you got the Wesley Snipes is in this. You got Red Dog is in this, the guy from CSI Miami. You've got tremendous actors in this, a couple of character actors. you might see. Great fucking movie. Christopher Walking, tremendous. The attorney is badass. He looks a little like Felicia,

the attorney in this movie. Really? A little like Felicia, yeah. So watch the movie. There you go. You got a complete podcast for you. You got a whole week to fucking meditate on these things.

We got Miss Pat. We got todays. We got fucking Robles. We got Gabriel. We love you, motherfuckers. All right? Have a great week. Stay black.

Don't let nobody fuck with you. Don't let nobody fuck with you, all. You got a dream. Fuck them all. Come to suck your dick. You're the baddest motherfucker. fucking the room when you walk in.

I don't give a fuck what they tell you. Strap a fucking pair on coxuckers. It's Monday. You're taking somebody fucking down today. Drop it, Lee. Now that this shows over, remember to go to naturebox.com and order great tasting, healthy snacks at 50% off. 50, cock suckers, now, today.

Snacks market on the new year with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and serotic cashews. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com, promo code Joey. that's an ancientbox.com promo go Joey. Go to NaileditLife.com to get the premier vapor friend on the market. I mentioned Joey Diaz

and get 20% off. Go to EscapePotank.com and call it or call Jeremy at the 800 number, and he'll save you $250 off of a flotation tank. And thank you to Onet.com for all of your brain supplements and battle ropes and all that. I'm going to choke you at one of them, Coxsuck. I play the music.

I was proud of myself. I was on top of my head. Oh shit. Oh shit. It's all about you at the end of the fucking day, anyway, right? Hit it!