The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #187 - Joey Diaz, Matt Brown and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: June 16, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by UFC Fighter Matt Brown. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Escapepodtank.com Mention Joey or the Church and get $250 off. Recorded on 06/16/2014.

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Crank that motherfucker, Lee. Is that crank? Crank it all the way crank it I want my ear fucking I want my ears to bleed What Don't know we can do it Here we go again

Monday June 16th The devil could suck my dick He's dead Brand new fuck Get down Oh shit It's going down

It's Monday morning Wash that helmet Scrub that muffler Get those barnacles out of there Oh shit. Oh shit. Public enemy. Out of respect Long Island.

What? What's the story, Lee? What is this shit? I don't know. What is this shit? It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Monday, June 16th, a month is halfway fucking gone and you're sitting there going. What am I going to do this summer?

Get it together, Cogsuck. Do something. Set right goals. Get up. Scrub your helmet. Smile. Do something. Something. What the fuck, Lisa, where you've been all weekend?

I was in Florida all weekend. Getting ready to fucking die down there. Tell me you can't smell fucking caskets of death and shit. Oh, one of my dad's friend passed away when we were there, but the worst, I mean, not the worst, but it's hot in Lale. I walked out of the airport in Fort Lauderdale and I was sweating. You almost died. Oh, yeah. That hot air goes into your fucking lungs. You see the fucking lizards.

I forgot about that. Oh, all those fucking. Where did you sleep on the couch? No, he took me. My dad gave me his bed. Did he really? Yeah, fucking, yeah. I sort of got a great father's day down there.

Went to the casino a little bit. What are you going to do? I heard you want some of Gitas. I did, but then he fucking, my dad brought me back to the table because he was so excited that I won. And I ended up losing, so what are you going to do? Did you see the war where they played war by the, did you see that table? Right there by the deli right there.

Yeah. I told you. Oh, God, that deli was so funny. The deli were the guy, and the Hindu was still there. The Hindu still there? Where's he going to go? Who's going to hire him? We were sitting at the table.

And I was like, wait, Joey stayed here. I wonder where the telly is. And I was like, oh, there's a deli. And then the girl came out from the back. And I was like, oh, oh. I was just hoping. And it's crazy down. I mean, I get it.

But everything, the only thing anyone talked about was lunch specials. Like, we went to this actually pretty decent Italian place where everything was 749. And the only thing anyone said in there was like, it was $6.99, four months ago. And I was like, oh, it's Monday, baby. We're going deep. I want you in. I want you to blow it. a fucking cloud for the people at home.

None of these bullshit little... And then we got the fucking... Oh shit! The green horn of the debt! It's Monday. Are you fucking kidding me or what, Lysayette? You got to wiggle. You got to get back into fucking L.A. shape.

You know what I'm saying? You've been gone for a few days. You're like fucking Tommy and Goodfellas. You've been gone for a few years. Nobody went up and told you. Take another one. You can't walk in one leg. You're a savage of debt.

It's fucking Monday. I'm loving this shit today. Long Island was great, bro. That's why I play at. Listen, Long Island's the only club I do twice here. Keep puffing. Don't look at me, cocksucker. Keep puffing, cocksucker.

This is Bob Marley Day. Every day is a different day. Look at this shit. We ain't saving nothing. You want a half? What do you want today? You want to go deep into the hemispheres? Can I have a quarter?

Is that cool? Quarter? Yeah, maybe. Whatever. I mean, I don't know. Half. I got Steve Simone after this. You want this month?

Sure. Why not? Oh, shit. He's going deep today. It's Monday. I'm all good. I got a I was talking to people down in Florida

and I was like They were talking about hot dogs I was like oh Paula's mom Makes a bacon wrapped hot dogs She texted me Yesterday they were having them Her mom at 10 o'clock at night Cook me up some bacon wrapped hot dogs

I got them at the house so This will be while taking care of in a couple hours You're gonna go for a walk today right? Yeah Oh no I'm joining a gym today Which gym? I was going to be the Y But I'm gonna go with

24-hour fitness because no initiation fee. Do they have classes for you to go to? Maybe. I'm going to, because I won with my dad when I was down there. So I'm just going to do the, they have. What did you do down there? The epileptical. They didn't like it?

No, I didn't like it, but I mean, it's, I don't know. If you join 24-hour fitness, you can hang out with DiAgostino. Yeah, it's right there. And join over there, they got a pool over there. You go over there at night and swim. Nobody's in there at night. Nobody. Oh, I don't mind.

The Agistino goes in there 11 o'clock at night, and they know you. the fucking thing. Don't be stalling you over there. No, I like these. I like these. I'm sure you do cuck's sucker. I like these. What the fuck?

What else happened down there in Florida? I'm my like 90-something-year-old aunt who stopped getting new technology in like the early 90s. So her house is hilarious. But it was great. VCRs. Oh, I don't know if she has that.

No internet, no computer. Dial-up phones. same furniture from probably like the 70s. It was great. Florida is a different kind of fucking place. And either you're into Florida. I have friends that move to Florida and they love it. They love the freedom.

They love, you know. I don't know. It's too hot for me. It's too fucking muggy for me. There's too many fucking lizards for me. I don't know what it is. But, you know, it has their own flavor. It was too hot.

And then, you know what? Sometimes when people make Jew jokes, sometimes it could offend people, I get it. you're down there. I get it. You get like the old, and I don't know if they're not supposed to be alive or what,

but just the old Jews. Like I told, I tweeted it out because for whatever reason, Twitter worked on the airplane. About an hour into the flight down, I smelled like 18 tuna sandwiches. And I have a picture. The couple next to me had sandwiches.

Everyone had sandwiches. And when I was leaving, my aunt called me up, and she was like, make sure you get something for the plane. So luckily, there was a Chili's at the airport so I ate before I got on the plane because I can't

imagine doing that to somebody I told you I can't I don't understand how people could do that I would never bring anything on the fucking plane I don't know about you but as a big guy I don't want to have any I don't want to cause any attention that's why I get the window seat and I just fucking I watch TV I don't go to the bathroom it's just You just sit in that fucking corner like a like a fucking orphan for six hours

Yeah it was no four hours you don't mean what four hours It's five hours it's five hours and say it's 55 minutes plus you lose a fucking hour. You left at 4 in the afternoon. You got to L.A. at 10 o'clock at night. That's 6 fucking hour. 7. 7. 7. 7 minus 3 is what? 4? 4. Yeah. What the fuck?

And you were the fucking Jew. I only hang out with Jews to the bad at fucking man. I don't know. I went there for father's dad. I'm not going to leave at 6 a-A. I know, but you can't say it's 4 hours. You sat in the fucking corner like a spruits. Yeah. For 6 hours crunched up staring at people.

Yeah. Farting, whatever. Your asshole rejuvenating. Oh. You take a shower last night? Of course. Okay. Cocks. Oh, no, you can't.

That air. And then I'm starting to make different, because it's great to save money, but I, I parked at the, like, the economy lot, and those buses go around and around. It took me, like, an hour

to get out of there. You don't tell you. You think I'm here fucking breaking your balls? What? You think like I'm here to fucking make your life harder? No. That movie Family Business

with Sean Connery and fucking Matthew Broderick and the other fucking guy, He says a line in there that stuck with me for life. I don't like when people live their life off movies, but from time to time you catch a good line from the movie. And she says something to Sean Conner at the ball when he's buying the stolen shoes.

And Sean Connery tells him, it only costs 100% more to be 100% better. I don't know what the fucking line is, but it made so much fucking sense to me. And it's like I told the fucking guy at the thing. I go, listen, when I travel, I don't give a fuck about the hotel. Every hotel is the same now

They all have a gym With an epileptic on a fucking treadmill They all have free breakfast Okay Yeah And all of them The air conditioning sucks From time to time

Like this weekend I was freezing in Long Island They're air conditioning Don't fuck around At the Marriott You know Last week's Marriott They don't fuck around

With the air in Utah either They don't give a fuck The Marriott But you know I'll stay at a hotel 6 I don't give a fuck I have a great time At Hotel 6

You know, cars, I'll get there my own. I'll take a fucking cab to your place. I'm not one of those guys that, you know, these people, this guy has a limo company. So every night, a stretch limo picks you up. I gotta pull them aside Thursday and go, don't do that. Don't just pick me up in a town car. Pick me up in anything.

Anything. Because you're stretched limo by yourself? Yeah, but I'm like sitting there like an asshole. Like I'm Joey bananas. Like, I need that shit. And I mean, these things are huge. They got the bar and the spinning ball in the middle. I was going to say with a leg.

Yeah, this is for fucking. cheesy fucking proms and shit. You know, I don't want to fucking be in one of those things. Not at all. Even if I was fucking Joey bananas, I wouldn't drive in one of those fucking things. It's against who the fuck I am, you know? But one thing, man, when I fly, I don't want to fuck around. And when I get off that plane, I don't want to fuck around.

When I get off that plane, I got one thing on my mind, my family and my house. And this is way before Terry. This is way before the baby. When I'm not planning, I'm planning my trip. even when I touched down. Because when I touch down, I just got off a plane for six hours. I need an hour.

I needed to wait another hour. Then I'm going to get on the 405, and that's no joke at night either. Right. You know, it's always something. I don't have two hours an hour. I remember going to Florida and getting back into town at 4 in the afternoon.

To save what? To save what? You're getting off a plane at 5 o'clock. Oh, that's the worst. By the time you get your luggage at the 405. And then I got to wait for a shuttle to come pick me up. I got to walk to the middle of island and get on the fucking shuttle after I just drove six hours in a flight

and waited at an airport for an hour and a half. How much it the whole thing cost you to park there? $50. Okay. For a buck 20, I parked at the fucking airport. Yeah. And I was out of there in three fucking minutes. Three minutes, Lee.

Three minutes. I get there early and I park right by the elevator. Oh, I know. Right buddy, you've been there with me. You see it. Right by the fucking elevator. When I get off that plane, the car is three minutes. the fucking elevator.

I got it on program because I don't have to have, I'm 51, I got one foot in the grave when a banana peel, and I'm not going to spend it saving 50 fucking bucks to park. It's just amazing. It's just amazing how they nail you nowadays. But you know what? Either you could go, you know who told me this, Eddie Bravo. Oh, yeah. Eddie Bravo used to take the show, the one with the spots on it and shit.

Yeah. Oh, well, that's even better. The one I took on was like a crappier version. Yeah. And he said one day, he goes, you know what? I finally realized, I just park across the street. I don't have time. I don't have fucking time on a Sunday.

And he gets off. Eddie's worse than I am. When he does seminars, he flies back the same day. Oh, shit. Eddie doesn't give a fuck. Eddie's packed to leave from the seminar. He don't want to drink. He don't want to jump up and down.

He don't want to smoke dope. So when he comes in, he calls me. And he'll tell me on Saturdays. Where are you, Doug? I'm home. Fuck. The 405 blows. You know, I'm taking this.

So I listened to him. So I know. And he's the one that told me, don't fuck with those buses. Pay a little extra and just go right there. They try to make it seem like a good, oh, there's a shuttle every three to five minutes. No, there's not. No, there's not.

It took me 20 minutes when I got there. But you really want to get aggravated? Take that fucking bus that picks you up. Oh, I did that once. That's a night, man. Yeah. And the way home, you're always the last one. Yeah.

You're always the last one. But if you go to Van Nuys Airport, the bus station there? No, that's what I did. That's a good one. Oh, on the way down it was. It's good. On the way up, I hated it because it goes around to each terminal. So that one, I didn't like it.

Oh, it sucks. I thought it went straight to Van Nuys. People always say that's a good one. Why the fuck are we talking? I'm just, listen, man, when it comes to traveling. This Goomies kicking in. Just email me. I'll save you fucking 10 fucking hours of fucking aggravation.

I'll save you a bunch of fucking aggravation. You should start a comedian travel agency. It would actually be pretty great. Like, comedians on the phone during the day? They're not going to listen. They're not going to listen to you. They're not going to say, well, I'm going to pay the extra 20 because they don't get it. nobody gets why you don't work on a Sunday

nobody gets I don't do it for religious purposes I don't do it for any of those purposes I don't know I'm thinking you have comedians working the phones Oh yeah people who actually travel And what are they gonna say them And people could call them up I mean you can bring back travel agents They could call it up and it would be you

And someone be calling from L.A. Like listen Spend an extra 100 You're gonna get there at 6 in the morning I know that totally fuck it Okay but you're there You're there You're there

You're there You're there American Airlines.com right now if you're watching it. Go to American Airlines.com and book the fucking flight one way Kennedy to fucking L.A.X. And look at the flights and look at the prices of the flight.

There's a 545 or a 445. It's usually $60 cheaper, $70 cheaper, $80 cheaper. But you're out of there, 545. That means you've got to get to the airport at 445, which me and we did. Yeah. We took that motherfucking flight once. We don't fuck around.

And you get here at netherly, Perfect Perfect By the time you get your luggage The 405 is winding down Especially going up to hill Back to where we're going Those are perfect

And look at the price of the ticket And you still got your whole day Listen I went to the park yesterday I went to some fucking yogurt thing With my wife I went to a different swimming thing To sign up They drove around

I had a whole day I got off the plane at 955 By 1010 I was in my fucking car With my luggage Yeah that's it's good to it Are you fucking kidding me? In my car by fucking, I think I got, and it takes me 25 minutes now to get home.

25 fucking minutes to get home. Well, they added in an age of healing. What's that? They added in an age of healing. But anyways, how was Father's Day? Father's Day is like any other fucking day. No, I had a good day with them. That's what I'm saying.

I had a great day with them, and I always try to get back to have that day. I never understood spending half the day someplace else and breaking it up. I look at your clock and you really can't get involved and tell anything. What would it happen? Yesterday was a day It made sense for you to win. I could see you up $10,000 when an hour I would have gotten on the flight going.

Now I've got to go on this fucking flight. You know what I'm saying? That's when it happens. Now you don't want to get on the fucking flight in you. So that's what I'm saying. You're always at two places. Father's day was fucking great. Long Island, I'll tell you something.

The people, that's the only club I go to twice a year. And there's a reason. It's still the East Coast, but I'm away from New York City. I'm away from fucking Jersey. but I'm still on the East Coast. I thought Long Island was close to New York City. It's New York.

It's 45 minutes on paper. Okay. But with the traffic now and the amount of cars in the LIE and all that bullshit, it's a fucking hour and a half. So it's perfect. You're away from there. You know what I'm saying? Long Island's on its own fucking planet.

And the food was great. The people, you know what man? In Long Island, they keep coming back. It's the same people. We meet outside and we talk and we hung. The fucking, the Chinese guys there. fucking Hindu with the short hair cut, you know, the guys from SoCal Jiu-Jitsu, you know, guys came up from fucking, the other guy who won, the other guy, I forget what his name is right now. His Jiu-Jitsu school, I mean, it's just people left fucking donuts, whoever did that, I love you the day.

They left donuts and Amaretto fucking the cookies to eat Anazette, fucking whatever, eat with the coffee. And, oh, my God, people just great. Lou Greco brought me the cover to Black Sabbath the first album He didn't put the album in there, cocksucker But him and his buddy His buddy gave me a t-shirt from his band Lady Jay came

I heard You know, Dan Sarasulo came The Jiu-Jitsu dude I mean just a lot of people Come and we talk The highlight of my weekend Had to be a I had this friend growing up

I had this really dear dear girl My mother died at 3 in the morning I went to eat breakfast I got back to my house By 7.38, by 9 o'clock, the phone was ringing. It was his girl named Regina Gordon. Regina Gordon's mom had died maybe two or three years earlier. She was living with relatives now in North Bergen,

and she was dating a good friend of mine. And she was just a different type of woman, as you might call them. She was built differently. She had her insides with differently, and she had a gift that a lot of women don't have. She didn't give a fuck. She didn't give a fuck. I learned a lot of things from her a lot, but she was a fucking dear friend.

And she was girlfriends with a friend of mine who I loved a lot. But from time to time, she would dump him and date another good friend of mine for the summer and then dump him and go back with the other guys during high school. She was the real deal. And we graduated together and we were together the night she grew up. You know, we went into the city and me, her and her and her boyfriend used to get eight balls. And she was just a lot of fun. And when I left New Jersey and I came back in 83, she lived around the corner from me with a different guy.

And I was friends with him also. And we went into the city one night, and that's the night I saw a boy George on heroin dancing with a wall. I went to this club called Club Area. And I went to this Chinese Italian restaurant back then in the village. Chinese Italian? Yeah, it was a Chinese Italian restaurant in the village. And we went there and then we went to that place. But one of the nights I remember her the most, before I left Jersey,

I started hanging out with her in Loops, and we would go to these clubs on Wednesdays and Thursday nights. She worked in the city, so she would call Loebbs, and Loubs would pick me up and go, Regina called, let's go over there, let's get an eight ball. So we would go to different clubs with her, and my favorite story with it was one night. We ended up at an apartment. It was Paul Newman's daughter. Oh, shit. And we were snorting Coke.

And it was like, we went out on a Wednesday, and now it was the Friday morning. like I had blacked out for a day Like I know I fell asleep And I woke up and we started doing blow I didn't eat It was just horrible On Friday we finally realized That there was no blow left

And The car had been towed And she went into the room And made the people that owned the apartment The condo pay for Loob's car Toeat Really? She was just a different

Type abroad man And The night before I left North Burr and for good June 30th, 1985. I was at a bar drinking, and I saw Julio, the kid who called into the podcast, the cop, and he told me people looking for me. And then as I was getting to the car, I saw her.

And then she told me a different set of people looking for me. And I remember that I didn't know if I was leaving or not. But her telling me that those people looking for me was my decision to leave. I think we've talked about this before on the podcast. So I always owed her. And for years after that, that was 85, she would call me in Colorado. She was one of the few people that took the time out and called and said,

what's happening, you motherfucker. Yeah. And she would tell me about her life and what was going on. And she had a weird voice and she used to giggle. And she loved Rifa. She loved Rifa. She was one of the few people. That was our connection.

Way before medical marijuana and all this bullshit, these fake fucking people. Me and her and Mike Asklees were Rifa heads. This is ninth in the early 80s So whenever I got a good bag of Riefer I always gave Regina a couple joints And we would giggle She would call me when she would be high And she'd tell me, motherfucker, you fuck me up with this

So my roots go back that long So you've been doing this for 30 years to be able For 30 years So I always like smoking the best man Why fuck around? And Last December I was shooting a movie

And I got a call from a friend of mine who was a friend of hers and was talking to me, and we asked what have happened to Regina, and her husband's a DEA agent, and now a lady, a girl called me back and said she died. You know, it doesn't say from what, blah, blah, blah, blah, bah. So she goes, she has a son and a daughter. So I went on Facebook.

She went on Facebook and told me the son's name, and I reached out, and we spoke a little bit on Facebook, and he said he was going to come see me, and he came, and it was just, it was amazing. It was just amazing to talk to somebody's son that I was raised with that was there for me That we knew a lot of the same people together I mean it was really amazing because I remember when my father died I would speak to people who were his friends and they would tell me stories

And they would tell me little things of what his mind thought was Before he died you know and uh It must be crazy because you must How old was he? Like in early 20 something like that? The kid that came to send me blaze was 20? It was 24. So you must remember being his age and being friends with his mom.

Yes. And they're like, that's kind of crazy. Yes. And looking at his eyes. He had his mother's eyes. And his mother was there. I could feel Regina there. Regina was a badass bitch. Beautiful.

I mean, guys, she was half black, half white, Italian or something. Her skin was, this is in the 80s, with nobody was ready for this shit. Yeah. You know, the black side of her had the day, Winfield tribe. You know, they went, she had that body like, she was long-legged, and she had natural big breasts, you know, they were naturally

big, and they were beautiful, and her face was perfect. It was Cimet. She was a model. She was a fucking model, but nobody had discovered her yet. Okay. You know, and did you tell him stories about drug use with her? He knew. Okay. He probably knew. I don't know what the thing, like, do you

want to tell him that? I mean, listen, man. Maybe you think it's funny. There's nothing. If you know anything about me, man, I could talk to a child and feel him out. I could talk to somebody and feel them out, and if they mention something, then I'll go, listen, this is a kid knows,

and a kid just wants to know the truth. I don't want a lot of nobody's kid. If they ask me, I got to tell him. If they ask me, I got to tell them because I know what it feels like to be on the other side of the coin. I always had questions about my father. Right. And nobody told me.

For 10 years, I thought my father died of a heart attack. and then somebody said no he died from heroin and I had to go home and ask my mother and you know it opened up this thing at the house but then she told me the truth and it was all fine but for a long time I was living under the impression nobody wants to walk around a fucking idiot

it's like that movie of town you ever see that movie the town in Boston at the end the fucking bad skin guy tells him your mother isn't missing she killed herself and you were a fucking asshole walking around with a fucking flyer looking for your mother you fucking moron

That's why he shot that motherfucker right in the head That movie was just a fan house I watched a movie on the flight home yesterday Parenthood with Steve Martin I've seen bits and pieces but that's a great movie That's an old movie right? Yeah it's a great movie bro Steve Martin Is fucking tremendous

And he's a little part of me Like as a comic You know all those early movies he did The Man with Two Brains and all that shit That shit stuck with me It's like Woody Allen's early movies Yeah And I still- You look Woody Allen?

Fuck, yeah I'm saying, wow Listen, as a comic Yeah As a comedian, as a fan You know, sleeper And all those early films like that There's a lot of, listen

I don't appreciate this politics What's going on with the girl And all this shit But then again, I'm not in there For the fucking politics To somebody's life You know, God knows the things I've done And you people fucking hang out with me

I've never hung out with a 12 year old girl though And told her she was my daughter And now she became my wife But you understand understand what I'm trying to say to you. As far as comedy and directing comedy and somebody who knows the ins and outs of comedy, he knows it.

He knows it. Watch his fucking movies. He's done something like 40 movies. Yeah, and listen, man, people sit there and they can't wait to fucking criticize you. Right. But if you do 40 movies, 10 of them got to be bad. 10 of them got to be fucking bad. Especially if the studios get involved,

you know, get involved, whatever the fuck. But he made some good movies when movies were movies. So I ain't got me. Any Halls. I haven't seen many of his, but the ones that I've seen Annie Hall is my favorite. Annie Hall's fucking great. Sleeper is great. Bullets over Broadway. I think that's Neil Simon.

I don't think that's Woody Allen. Who the fuck knows? But there's a lot of... Even Neil Simon's got some good shit. You know a movie I watched that was fucking made me laugh, Biloxy Blues. What's that? Baloxy Blues. I'm a big Matthew Broderick fan.

Okay. So Biloxy Blues is Matthew Broderick and Christopher Walker plays his drill sergeant. Okay. And they're all Jews from Brooklyn. who joined the Army in the 40s, and they go down the fucking... I'm with you already. All right, they go down to fucking Louisiana and Mississippi

for basic training in one of those places. You know, they're Jews. Yeah. And they go down to fucking Mississippi. And they're trying to fight. And Matthew Broderick always fucks with Christopher Walken. You know, he always tells him he can't eat this or he can't eat that because it's holy day.

And last time I checked you, you know, it's pretty... I like movies like that. That's the beginning of your... comedy career. Yeah. You know, those are the beginnings of your comedy career,

watching those movies subconsciously. You know, something about those movies and seeing the styles of comedy and then you put your own thing on there. That's why when I talk to a director

or somebody who's supposed to be in the comedy business and I talk to them and they're talking about fucking hangover and shit, I know I'm in trouble. I'm talking about

where are your roots, where are your real comedy roots? You know, If you're an actor, whatever the fuck, you know, there's people that have something that becomes something else, you know, but that's how it all starts by watching those fucking movies, especially in my job. Or TV, you know, when most people are watching science, I told somebody, for me, my comedy started when I saw Jackie Gleason. When I heard Richard Pryor was one side of it. When I saw the honeymooners and I saw the Yacht couple, how Jack Klugman and Tony Randle interacted, when I saw Benny Hill, those are the beginnings of the... my comedy. Those three things at night before I went to bed.

You know, it's like my wife says that the longer than that the baby takes when she's napping is when she processes what she's learning. Okay. And those are the years zero to three or zero to four. I don't fucking know. I believe that and I believe that's true for me with comedy. I used to go to bed after watching Benny Hill, the honeymooners, and the odd couple and Sanford and the Sun in the Twilight Zone. That's two and a half hours of just death.

Yeah. And closing out with the Twilight Zone. the shit out of my comedy to really add fucking fear. So it affected me. You know what I'm saying? The fuck I am. That's the roots of my comedy. Richard Pry's down there.

George Carlin's down there. And then you have those movies. You know, the man with two heads. You know, you have those Steve Martin movies, the Woody Allen movies. You know, Blazing Saddles. Those are your comedy fucking chops. Yeah. Those are your comedy chops, man.

And you don't know it until you catch yourself doing something. You're like, oh, I got that timing. from fucking blazing saddles when the black guy ran in. Do you do that? Yes, I do it. I can't watch reality TV because I always I start breaking down what they're doing. Do you ever look at your jokes, be like, okay,

this is Blazing Saddles, this is a Woody Allen thing? Absolutely. I can hear musicians. When you hear Black Hole, I swear to God, I know from listening to Chris Cornell that he was a Beatle fan. I don't know why. And then years later, I saw an interview

It said Chris Cornell Soundgarden and the Beatles And I dug into it It's why If you listen to Black Hole Sun If you listen to Blow up the outside world That's the Beatles, baby When he's singing

Nothing Trying to tell me something That's John Lennon, motherfucker Don't let the world Bring you down That's John Lennon Yeah So comics have the same

Yeah The must. It's very weird when you hear a musician and he's telling you his roots and you're fucking getting blown away. When I watched that thing about the documentary about Lemmy and he's talking about these American black bands, you know, like Jerry Lee, not Jerry Lee,

but the guy that played the guitar. I forget what his fucking name is. With the one leg up that he used to show up with an empty suitcase and you had to pay him in cash and shit. You know, I forget what his fucking... I'm high this morning. Yeah, me too.

I'm pretty fucking high. You know, those are those people's roots. Everybody has roots. And from those roots, you become something else. You take it and run with the ball. Okay. You know, it's like Eddie Bravo did with Jiu-Jitsu. His teacher was John Jock.

But he would go home and then go, oh, my God, I can make this move that much better. That's all we're doing. I don't know if I'm doing that with my comedy. I know I'm not. But I'm taking that style. When you watch me, you know that Rodney Dangerfield's in there, you know, the dice Clay is in there.

You know, that fucking. Richard Pryor's in there. You know, there's a little bit of George Carlin because I love George Carlin's performance. You know, there's a little bit of Bill Hicks in there. You know, I took a little from Bill Hicks. That's all that's in there. So how do you explain, like, I don't even know who else.

And the storytelling is from my own family. Yeah. So now we mixed out all. That's what I bring to the table. But they're different styles. I put it into a pot. Yeah. And when I go on stage, some nights is I'm saying the joke.

I'm like, oh my God, that's very, you know, I used to say a joke. I ran into a priest last week, and I asked him, what did you give up for length? And I said, Father, I ain't, no, he asked me what I was getting up for one. And I told him I ain't giving up dick, you know. To me, that's a very Bill Hicksie joke. It doesn't get a big laugh, but to me, in my mind, that's a very Bill Hicks joke. Okay. You know.

So how do you explain, like, I don't even know who I would say, but when. Oh, and Red Fox. Okay. I love Red Fox. Red Fox talks about eating pussy and eating nasty ass and a pussy tasted like, you know, a fucking vinegar cookie and all that shit. You know, that's Red Fox. I got that influence from Red Fox.

So you got nine people that you're not emulating. You just admire and you're taking your impersonation to them and you're interpreting it in your words. I'm not stealing their charisma. I'm not stealing their persona and I'm definitely not stealing their jokes. I'm learning from their essence And that's how I'm getting better When you go work as a roofer When I would work as a roofer

I worked with two crews Before I became an estimated I worked at the Joe King crew And I worked at the Tom King crew And they were both tremendous roofers But they did things their own way And they were both the right way Do you follow I'm saying?

Yeah So when one guy Wrapped a pipe on a roof When you see a roof, you know, some roofs are flat and you can just roll the roll out and blow torture. Okay. And then you get to a fucking air conditioning vent or a unit, and you got to do that different. You know, Tom King did that a lot different than Joe King, but they were both right. Okay.

The interpretation was both right. So it carries over even to the trades with plumbing and bricklaying and woodwork, you know. You learn from two people. You learn from three people, you know. This guy comes from a different crew. He teaches you a different way. It all learns. You figure how to do it, how it works best for you.

That's what's great about Jiu-Jitsu. It has 22,000 different attacks. You figure out what works for you. You know what? You might not be a leg-lock guy. You might not be a fucking neck guy. But you might be a good arm guy. You know what I'm saying?

You might grab an arm and know how to fucking break that motherfucker or, you know, something like that. You know, I don't know much about Jiu-Sitza, but I'm just saying it's all interpretations. We're all just doing an interpretation of what. we feel. That's why I always think that when people always say, I'm an artist, they use that word too much because no matter

what the fuck you do, when you're a chef, what the fuck you're doing? You give me your masterpiece. When you fucking, give me your toilet. When you fix my fucking toilet, you put a new toilet in. You might do something that nobody else does. You might do it. Calking different. You might put a rose in there. It's your interpretation. That's why this whole thing is so fucking beautiful.

I love it. I love it. What we're doing right now with this podcasting thing, I don't know. I don't know what the fuck we're doing. We're doing half radio. We're doing things that we've heard on the radio and things that we've just done around. We're just talking.

Right. That's it. Years from now, some of you go, you know what? When I do a podcast, I want to do it half like Adam Carolla does it and half like Joe Rogan does it. You follow me?

Right. So it's, we all learn from each other here. It's one big fucking learning family, like a big daycare, Cocksuckers. What do you got? Oh, shit. Lysayette. Monday, I forgot it's even Monday.

That Gumi bear was extra strong. Yeah, this guy. The vapor pan is strong. Do another vapor league. I'm okay. I want to be around. Do another vapor league, cock's sucker. To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart.

You're slipping. Give me the fucking vapor. You think I'm an octopus. I got long fucking arms. Get up, coxuckers. Wash that pussy. Salute the fucking flag. You're an American.

It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Don't ever fucking forget that shit. No matter what the fuck they tell you. Fuck the boats. Don't worry about the five guys that they trade up for the Taliban. Don't worry about LeBron sucking my dick. Don't worry about another that bullshit today. All you got to worry about is how the fuck you're going to put Getus in your motherfucking pocket

and how this thing's going to work out for you today, Cossucker. And who's going to suck your dick today? You got those answers? That's what's important. LSD. Wait and see. I mean I want to want to... I'm gonna be around.

See how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits. I know you are. Let's see if a puzzle... It's one day morning. You didn't sleep last night. You're not fresh today. You got to get it together. No more this late afternoon flying.

When do I fly anywhere? Oh, my God. That's why you look like a fucking mortovant. You look at your eyes are tied. You look like a single-in-lawful-in-ta-ta-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Because you just give me 100 milligrams of fucking... 100 milligrams. What?

I gave you fucking 30 milligrams. No, it's just 270. Every time I see you add numbers to it. No, look at the baggage. It's 70 fucking milligrams. All right. It's 70 fucking milligrams of Indica. It's 220.

This is the dick of... This is the singular dose. This ain't the 220 dose. Get it together. Why would I do something like that on Monday? Because you like... It was funny at the weird story we went to. You walk in and did you ever see that Michael Jackson documentary before

he died, we was just like, I want that, and I want that. You were just in there, you were like, give me eight of those, four of those. And like, I just bet. I was like, holy shit. We don't fuck around. Why am I going to go to wheat store? Hey, hey, I like to see what, what's the special thing? Let me get some of that weed. No, you go

right to the big fucking jar, you go, is this what's killing motherfuckers? Yes, it is. Give me fucking a bag of that. I didn't get no weed, right? We got a tube. No, you didn't get weed, but you got tubes and cookies. I got cookies. I got tubes, cookies. I got a bunch of gummy bears. Oh, on the way down. Yeah.

Up to fucking long on. I was fucked up. Yeah, I'm only on the flights. I was fucked up. I ate a cookie. I think I ate a half a cookie. Yes. I ate a half a cookie. On the way down or something?

In the car. And by the time I was going to security, I was already feeling the tingles going up and down my fucking spine drag. And I was giggly. Like, I was giggly at security. Like, when I took my belt off, I thought I was Zara with some shit. I was on a whip a bitch. and oh my god it was horrible i did not eat at the airport they have a good breakfast on there they have a they give you like a little fruit platter to give you these two fucking little pancakes with

butter on them a fruit platter with tangerines mango pineapple they give you a little cup of yogurt it was tremendous i ate that i was farting by myself i didn't watch no movies i got on the computer i wrote a little bit i fucking listen to some good music my wife put uh some missing persons out on my fucking iPod. And I said, I just kicked back. I tried to write some jokes. My joke writing is horrendously bad. I couldn't put nothing together.

But, you know what? Sometimes you just sit there and just putting that effort in... We got to call that. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Good morning. Good morning, sir.

How are you, my brother? Another day, man. I hear you. Before anything, I want to congratulate you. You know, that was tremendous your last outing. But I wanted to give you a chance to breathe before I bothered you to call in so I want to congratulate you

problem thanks a lot you were fucking beautiful you know and I'm not taking nothing away from Eric Silver as you said yourself you had to hit him with the fucking kitchen sink that night but you're okay that's yeah that's fact you were fucking beautiful bro and you're getting you're just getting better and better man you're more of a savage every time I see you what's happening not much man just getting ready to head to the gym pretty much a Normal morning for me, wake up and make some food and go to gym. You got the boys for the summer?

Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm still married to my wife. No, no, no. You don't? I mean, are they done with school already? They're done? Oh, no, they're only three and a half years old, so they haven't started school yet. Oh, look at you.

So you've been having them and it's a lot of fun, huh? Yeah, man, I have a blast with them all the time. You know, they grow up fast, getting smart. You know, there's nothing they love more than the UFC. so they make it a lot of fun. Good for you. You have a good father's day with him? Yeah, it did.

You know, we just went out to the park. We just grill some food and, you know, some good, healthy meat, and just sat there and hikes some trails and stuff and had a good time with family. It's amazing how we go to the park and we just say we were to the park. When you take them, I have a 17-month-old little girl.

When I take it to the park, She just loses her fucking mind. She touches things that are in hers. She picks up scooters. She's chasing fucking squirrels. The other squirrel was eyeballing us yesterday. I thought he was going to bite us. It really is, you forget about all the simple pleasures

until you have a child again. It really breaks it down for you, you know? That's awesome. That's why I like living out in closer in the country to keep all those simple pleasures a part of my life all the time. No, I've seen videos of you with your boys, and after the last fight you brought them up to you. You're very tight, you're doing a good thing with them.

You're just taking them into the rugged world, my friend. I know that. I admit, I think that was the first time anybody ever. I've never seen kids in Octagon before after a fight. Have you? I never seen this. It might have been the first time. I thought you brought the whole family up.

right you brought the wife in there too the mother-in-law you don't give a fuck yeah they were all in there man it was like a family reunion good for you it was pretty badass you know i was surprised as everybody else so man you know that how many kids can say they were in octagon my time they were three years old in the real octagon not someone at the gym on the fucking corner in a real motherfucking octagon yeah no bullshit you know that man that they love that shit so you know you know A lot of kids, they play, you know, they act like their doctors or, you know, superheroes or whatever. My kids, they run around and they raise their arms and say, I'm a UFC fighter. You know, so these kids, man, they got it in their blood for sure.

Good for you, man. And I know you got it in your fucking blood. You're fighting San Jose, correct? Yeah. And it's funny. Because the other day before I contacted you, I was thinking about you. I saw the date in San Jose. and I saw a Robbie Lawl and I go, you know, I know Matt Brown.

You know, and somebody would talk to Matt Brown and go, how tough is this fight going to be? And in my mind, knowing you, I'm like for Matt Brown, there's just another fucking day in the office. He's not thinking about it. This is the type of fight that it's how you go into it. And I know how Matt Brown's going into this fight. He's going into this fight to knock his fucking head off in 30 seconds.

So it's how you look at things. I know how you look at things. You're a fucking savage. what do you think my friend how you going into this well i approach every fight equally um and i mean i mean i mean i could be um you know if somebody on the street wanted to fight me out of approaching me quite i take very seriously uh every single man on this planet is as much of the threat as the next so um you know and robbie lawler um you know as opposed to many other people on this planet and robert

has proved himself to be a threat. And this guy, he's knocked out a lot of people. He's got a lot of power. He's improved a lot. He's the resurgence of his career again. I'm just going to train every day as hard as I possibly can. I'm going to be the best my brown that I can possibly be. And I think that's going to be enough to beat Robbie Lawler,

and that's going to take me to the next level. It's funny, when I saw, you know, after Eric, I love you to death, Matt. And then I wouldn't have you. I like how you style. I like your style. I like how you walk around. I was talking, I went to Jiu-Jitsu one day up at 10th planet in the morning, and we were talking about your next fight or something.

This is before. We were talking about the Eric Silver fight. And I was telling him that you were the first guy. I saw on an elevator that you made me shit pickles. And all the Hamphil, who's the jihitsu teacher, 10 planet Van Nuys, said, Jesus, I saw him in Vegas one time. I couldn't say a word. You know, just your energy.

You're so intense, Matt. I mean, you're a sweetheart. But you could see that you got something that most guys don't have. Like, you got this little... So what... I never even thought about you and Robbie Lawler. And when I saw it announce, I'm like, that's like a fucking Godzilla movie.

It's King Kong. That's... No, no. This is like Godzilla versus Godzilla in the 10th power. Like, both of years are like 10 fucking Godzilla rolled up into one. This isn't Godzilla 1982. This is Godzilla.

The Japanese quit by now. This is just fucking savages. You understand me? So this is that type of fight. For the real UFC fan, this is that type of fight, you know? So that's why I had you call. I'm going to guess when you guys see me on the elevator. It's probably a fight that weekend or something there.

The weekend I saw you? I think so. And I think I saw you maybe before. It was Friday night, like, after the way in. and you were just somewhere and you had a look in your eyes at that time yeah you had a different looking you were two guys and the two guys you were with you skyed over them

like I couldn't believe how tall you were like I was like this fucking guy not only is he a savage but he's a fucking tall savage so yeah yeah it was and that was it was a couple years ago it was a while ago so four years ago maybe yeah it's been a while since I haven't been to Vegas man

I miss it out there you know like finding out there when was the last time you Fort in Vegas. Gosh, man, I can't remember. It's been a long time. That's why I saw you that weekend. I went with Rogan and all that got tickets. Yeah, I remember that.

Yeah, that might have been my last time, you know. But I love it out there, you know. I fought out there so many times, well, you know, back when the UFC used to be there all the time. And, you know, I had a pretty good group there. And I know a lot of people out there. You know, I'm comfortable staying at hotels out there. But now, you know, I'm better.

not there it's so long. But, you know, the day of the fight of the day before the fight, you know, I'm sure there's a different look in my eyes because I don't like being around fucking people, you know, and I don't like meeting people at that time. And, you know, there's definitely a different feel in my mind, you know. I mean, you know, it's a game time, you know.

I mean, I don't feel like fuck when I'm not except for the game. You know, I'm just ready to go out there to do that. So I don't know, I'm sure you probably see any different looks on that day than you would on any other day. No, Matt Brown, listen, it's so weird. Like, I did comedy for a long time, and I putched along. And now people come to see me and they pay money. It's so weird that for years before a show,

I would hook up with Matt Brown and actually go to dinner with you and talk shit with you. And then I get to the show, Matt Brown, and I fucking bomb on stage. Because I just talk to Matt Brown for a fucking hour and a half. And I ate food and I, you know, before a comedy show now, like three hours before, I don't want to see nobody. I go to the gym downstairs, I'll do the epileptic or whatever the fuck I'm doing that week.

I'll come upstairs, I'll wash my pussy. I don't even eat dinner. I just get a cup of coffee and I sit there and I get my notebook and that's all I want to do for three hours. It's just sometimes I do it. Sometimes I do a ball's ass naked. I just sit there with a dirty ass and write jokes and the TV's on, but it's my own world. You know, Matt, it's your own world. I don't know how it is it.

copy, I assume it's probably pretty similar. You probably get pretty nervous, right? You have to. If you don't get nervous, you're not real. You've got to get nervous. You've got to get something's got to be going through you. I guess it's the same as us fighting, you know, and I tell people,

you know, a lot of people I don't think will admit this, but you know, right now, I'm six weeks out for fighting Robbie Lawley. And I'll tell people right now, I'm already scared of this fucking guy. I'm scared. And And I say I treat every people, every man on this earth with equal respect, that I'm equally afraid of every man.

If I had to fight, if I had a fight, somebody I've never heard of in my life. So you should not be just scared. And every day I live scared. And that's what makes me get up and go to the gym or other than everybody else is because I'm scared. I ain't going to be as in good as shape as I should be. When I get, I eat better food than all the people around me, it's because I'm scared. I'm not going to be as healthy and nutritious as I should be.

And the reason that I work out a little bit harder in their bios is I'm scared that I'm not going to be the best. And then I did it. So all this fear is what motivates you to be a better, stronger person. And then I get in that ring of the cage and then I'm not scared anymore. When does the fear end? That's when I can release it. not be scared. When does the fear turn into focus? When does it for you? Like, when does that fear switch after the bell gets rung, after you touch it with the octagon with your foot the

first time? There's some time in between the, uh, the warm up and, and, uh, the, the, the bell sometime in there. I did, I don't think there's a, for me, at least, there's not a specific time. It's not the same every time. It changes every time. And for me, one of the hardest things that I always struggle with a little bit. I'm a huge music person, you know, and so my walkout song, I've always made a very particular towards what I feel for that fight. You know, every fight for me has this kind of a theme to it and a certain feel and something that makes me, you know, it's kind of hard to explain, but every fight. fight is sort of a little different of a fight for me.

You know, I have a little bit of a different motivation. So I try to put some music that makes it the right way for what I'm feeling for this fight. And a lot of times, if I got the right song and I hear that music the right way, the speakers in the right location, whatever, that's when that focus really kicks in. And I got that right song. For whatever reason, that that's a big thing for me. You know, I don't like wearing headphones, so that doesn't really work for me. but if I got that right,

so that's what really makes it difference for me. And then sometimes, you know, even if I got the wrong one, sometimes, you know, then it's when I, maybe when I'm,

the referee pat me down there's the worst time for me always. I hate staying in there someone doing good, two formalities. I fucking hate that. Bullshit. That's why you see me walk out.

I run to the cage every time I want to get there so fucking bad at that point. I just want to get there. I want to be in that cage and I want to get this beer out of me. I want to open this motherfucker's ass and go home and fuck my wife and eat some steak. God damn, I want to go on stage right now. You just fired me up. That's, uh, it really is people don't understand.

Like, as I'm getting on the flight to go to your town to do comedy, I start getting doubts. Like, first I get doubt. First thing I get is a ton of doubt. I'm not funny. I got no new jokes. even though I wrote every fucking day before I got there. Right. You know, and then when I get there, I'm fine.

I say it's only be okay. But like three hours before the show, I got to piss. Three hours before the show, I don't feel good. Three hours. I mean, every fuck, my body and my mind go through, anything that they could to scare the shit out of me. And then at one point I just start hearing whipping post. Once I hear whipping post by the Allman Brothers in my head,

you're fucking done. you're fucking done like a half hour before I walked down to the hotel as I'm washing my fucking cock I'm in the shower I could hear whipping post and I could hear Dwayne Orman's voice or whoever the fuck is singing

and that's it your history after that That fucking does it for you After that I'm done Once I get to the comedy club I can't wait to go on I got to put up with two guys Going up before me

And I love them to death And they make me laugh But I'm pacing inside Like a fucking animal and the harder I get before the, like I want people to irritate me before the show. That's my thing. Like, I'm looking for people to ask me stupid questions. I'm looking for people to take out and they play with their cell phones in front of me.

I'm looking for somebody to pull out hummus in front of me. Something to take me to the next level in anger. Because basically I go out on that stage and I take it out on them in a funny way. Like that anger becomes energy. And I turn it into this funny energy. so I want to be a little pissed off before I go on stage, Matt Brown. Not a lot pissed off. Just a little tad, like he stepped on my shoe, he spilled coffee on me.

You know, like, that type of shit. It doesn't really change anything, but for 10 minutes, you're like, you're a fucking idiot. You know that? Why are you going to come in here with that Starbucks coffee for, you know? No, fear is that motivated. I'm not a hell of a fucking workout today now. that who you talk about a little bit pissed off as what I call putting the radio on the right volume

you're making for driving down the road and I turn that radio all the way to max volume the speakers getting a little bit fuzzy right or they blow the speakers if I turn that down just a little bit though then it's loud as a motherfucker and it's clear as a motherfucker that's why I try to put my volume all the time Matt Brown you're a beautiful fucking man I don't want to take any more your time. I think I'm going to be in Reno

that weekend. If not, I'm going to go up there with Joe and do the show on Friday night and see you do your fucking thing. You know, I'm your number one fan. I wish you all the luck in the war. I love you, Matt, I love what you represent, Matt Brown. I hope you guys make it up there. I know Joe will be there, but I hope you all can make it too.

Yeah, you know, I love your heart and your balls and your soul. You're a fucking savage. And I wish you nothing about luck. I know in my heart, you got this, my brother, right? I know you're representing fucking Columbus, Ohio out there, and I'll see you out there at the Funny Bone, so I don't want to take more of your time. Good luck, man, all right.

Thank you, you guys, sir. Thanks for fine me up. I'm going to go bust out a hard-ass workout now. All right, go get them, baby. All right, good luck, love you, man. Stay black. Bye, man. You got it.

Doug, even UFC fighters get scared. So this is what... You know, I would never think they do. I mean, I guess maybe the first time. Oh, fuck! I think about it. When I see him, I go, those guys are going somewhere I had to punch somebody in the face.

Oh. And that all sounds great. I'm going to go punch somebody in the face. It's actually what he did to Eric Silva. Oh, my God. And Eric Silver took it and gave something back to him. Ooh. And, uh...

Do you think he let his kids watch the fight? They were there. Well, I know they were there at the end, but like... What are you going to do? You're going to put them in the hallway with fucking... Can you imagine that? Oh. Getting, like, dad's getting punched, but it's okay.

But it might not be. Who knows? At three and a half, whatever their ages, what are they processing? Fuck. It's fucking amazing. And to calm him down and to, listen, man, I love when people talk about the truth, you know, talk about, this is why I love when he calls in.

Yeah, Matt Brown's great. He just broke it down for you people on a Monday morning, man. We're all fucking scared. And that fear turns into something that's so fucking beautiful once you're doing something. Like, you look at Matt Brown, and you don't think fear, like especially on fight night. Bro, you have to, the day I stopped getting nervous,

Whether it's a set of flappers or the ha-ha cafe. Yeah. To a set in front of fucking 2,000 people with Joe Rogan or something. Or Long Island or Columbus or fucking Santa Fe, New Mexico. Wherever the fuck it is. I always want to quit. Quit. Quit.

Quit. Quit. Quit. Quit. Not fucking right there. I mean, as soon as I get to the gig, I'm okay. Okay. So I was going to ask, because you look pretty, not being an asshole, but you look confident.

before the show. So it's all earlier on the day? No, I'm fearing. I'm just faking it. Okay. I can't lie to you. I'm faking it. Do you think that's kind of important to like always have, but you can't like, like, it's

I don't want to let nobody down. But you can't let nobody down. Yeah. Why would you want to let somebody fucking down? Yeah. I don't want to let these people down. They listen to the podcast. They fucking work hard.

They pay. They come down. They smoke dope. They take a fucking pot cookie. You know? I want them to put that. What are you giggling about? You know what I'm saying?

I want them. them to at least get to feel who the fuck I am. Some night, you can't be fucking hilarious all the fucking nights. But I want you to leave there going. He's the same guy I listen to on the podcast. He ain't know. He ain't bullshit in me. He ain't fucking, no.

I want people leaving. I want you to hug me. I want you to take a picture. I don't give a fuck if you buy a t-shirt or fucking patch. You don't buy anything. Just that you show up. That fear, when people say to you, man, thank you for helping me out. That gives me more fear.

Like, I go home and go, Jesus Christ. three people came up to me and said that my comedy helps them out now I got it right you know people always send emails last night I think I answered 60-something email 40 of them are people thanking us people thanking us people saying

you know what the evolution of Lee you know Miss Pat Gabriel you know guest what you talk about but you know what guys you have no idea what you do for me because now I have to be that much better

I have to think of ways to entertain you. I have to think of ways to, I never want to suck in front of nobody. You know how much pressure that is? You know how much pressure that is from A to Z? Wanting to be fucking perfect for these people on a Friday and Saturday night.

And you're not. People are going to leave their pissed off. Some guy didn't get a picture. Some guy didn't get to tell me his fucking story of his childhood. I was father hit him in the head with a hammer. You know, because it's always something. I get an email, bro, you don't let me tell you the story. I got 200 people there. There's 200 people there.

And we got to talk to everybody. I want to give everybody a hug. I want to see what they're about. I want the people that fuck with me on Twitter and go, hey, man, I'm H.A. 22. And they got a fine-ass wife and the wife put on a tremendous skirt and she's smiling.

That's what makes my dick hard. So now I've got to be that much fucking better, man. I just can't be a regular fucking schmuck. You know, I'm off the next three fucking weeks. I'm on a writing spell. I'm taping a thing for Ari on the ninth. Okay. I think.

And then we're doing the dice. on the seventh, you know, besides that, I'm going to go back on the road, heavy in the fucking winter, you know, it's not like it used to be that. I could just sit there anymore. It makes me fucking nervous. But that nervous turns into fear, which makes me fucking better, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. What's up, Lee, look at the shape of you. Yeah, I'm pretty fucking high. How are you going to work today? How are you going to do Steve Simone?

I don't know. Why do you do this to yourself? Did you watch the fights on Saturday? No, did you? Yeah. my dad and I was working. Yeah. What do you think?

I was going to ask him, because I put something up because the main card, there was the, I mean, the Mighty Mouse fight was cool, but a lot of the fights were a little bit, they didn't have, they didn't have like any, like, the highlights. They were kind of either draws or one guy just killed someone. And I put on there that the fights were a little bit boring. Like, do you think he, even A, thinks a fight could be,

boring or B, does he think about that like when he's fighting? Like, I want to make this entertaining. You should have asked him. I was fucking high. You got to get it together. Like, what do you think? Like, some people were like, yeah, the fights were boring and some people were like, man, fucking any fights, a fucking terrifying fight.

I want to go on stage. I want to go on stage every night. My dream is to go on stage every night and the first three minutes to be very high energy. Okay. Four or five minutes to just sweep them off their feet. I want the energy of the room to change. and then I want to talk to you 15 minutes

and then I want to fuck you up for 20 minutes that's my plan okay that's my fucking plan the first three minutes my plan is when I get on stage I want it to be improvised about the area or about the situation we're in so we all feeling the same thing I don't want it to be a fucking joke

I want it to be an observational something something that we're all seeing together because now that all connects us bam that all connects us and we're all anyway that connects us right that. Next thing you know, we talk. We get to know each other.

We laugh. Maybe you see my views whatever. Then we're going to go for 18, 17 minutes, and I want to punch you in the fucking face every 22 seconds. I want to punch in the face. With the last minute

being three knees to your fucking neck to knock you out. That's my plan when I go on stage. That's my plan. That's what I want. you to leave there going I don't even know what the fuck he said. Something about

doing coke with a cat or something about breaking into somebody's house and eating their... What the fuck was he talking about? That I did my job. That's my goal. And then for you to take a picture of me, for you to hug me, and for us to laugh, for me to tell you your wife is fucking

hot, you're going to go home and choker, you know, light her pussy hair's on fire. Whatever the fuck, we have a minute together. And you get to live it with me. We're That's what I want. Sometimes it doesn't happen. Sometimes there's somebody in the room that puts a bad

energy on it. They're not laughing, so the tables around them are scared to laugh. You know, my first three minutes, I might say, fuck too much, the middle I might pick it up, and the last 17 minutes was great, but not the punches, because the waitresses were dropping checks. Okay. So things happen.

I can't. What I want to happen, and what's going to happen is two different things. Some nights the stars are lying and it fucking happens, bro. And some nights they don't. I just want you to leave there going, he was okay tonight, whatever, but his heart was in it. You know when my heart's in it. I don't even want to call it in.

I did a couple shows with Rogan two years ago, Milwaukee, where I was just terrible. The room was wrong for me. The people on the lineup didn't fucking motivate me. I got lost in myself. I was eating too many edibles. I don't want that to happen. I want you to come to the show.

I want you to pay the $20 and for you to feel fucking great when you leave. Whether I talked about stabbing a cat in the fucking neck or choking your wife or throwing her out of the fucking car, it doesn't matter. It's that we all had a good time. We connected for fucking one hour, bro. That's what matters.

And all this to work on Twitter when we fucking back and forth and much love, Joey, and have a good day. All that shit paid off. We have something special here. Right. That nobody ever dreamed of.

I get to meet these Twitter people. I get to meet 10 a weekend, bro. You know, this weekend, Lady Jay showed up. I mean, there's just so many people, Lou Greco showed up. Me and Lou have done emails for two or three years.

Yeah. These are people that we've grown on each other. The fucking album cover, I was going to bring it from Black Sabbath. My dick is hard. I just got to figure out what to do with it because I want to frame it in the way that it shows all the aspects of it,

you know, this album cover. Let me give some shoutouts. I'm getting emotionally. You motherfuckers always do this to him. Nick McDonnell, I love your cocksucker. Lady Jay, thank you for the pens and the little presents for my daughter. She loved it and stuff. She was fucking hitting it.

Fred Guy, cocksucker, I love you, Joe Perez. Sexy Carolina up in Long Island. Sexy has a little freak, and her boyfriend came to the show. She's beautiful. Who the fucking is a C and Jay Ortiz. I love you. A nice little couple. listen to the podcast. I guess he lets

a fucking come on her neck while the podcast is on. Lou Greco, what the fuck, Cocksucker. Thank you for the album. And Derek Burch, you black motherfucker, who loves you more than me, you know what I'm saying? What the fuck? What the fuck? And if I forgot anybody from Long Island that came up to me, you know, I love you, people.

I love you with all my heart. I got so many people asking for shout-outs, it's overwhelming but we try to put everybody together. I got some good fucking stories for you people. But hold on. First of all, on it. Onet.com. The mom, the masters, the makers of hemp force protein, which I had a shape this morning with a little glutamine. It was fucking tremendous with some water.

I feel great. I haven't farted. You haven't smoked a fucking way fart or nothing like that. Out of this fucking sensational. I can't say all to get things about it. I got off the plane yesterday. First thing I did was I mixed a little fucking turnaround 180. Look how high you are.

A little turnaround 180 with some water. I drank that. I hung out with once Mercy went to sleep. I took a two-hour nap. Oh, I got to tell you about something. took the fucking nap. I didn't know I was going to take the nap. And I ate a half of cookie, right?

I ate a half of that super strength cookie. And me and my wife were talking. And she goes, Joey, you should take a nap because I'm going to take a nap. I said, she goes, I'm going to take a nap with the baby. What are you going to do? I go, if everybody was going to take a nap, I might as well take a nap. I want to stand with my wife. Next thing you know, I wake up, like at 3.30, Lee, when I got up.

I was so high. I spun around. Like, I spun around like you did that night outside. And I kept thinking of you. I couldn't stop spinning. I couldn't find my other slipper, and I kept spinning around looking for the fucking slipper,

and I finally... I spun around... I must have spun around, and then I almost fell. I'm looking for my fucking robe, and I had to, my wife's like, what are you going to do? Now I go drink coffee

because I'm back to ground zero. I took a fucking cup of coffee at 3.30 in the afternoon. I had to get back in the shower, wash my pussy, and I came out. But listen, we were talking about audit.com. I'm sorry.

On it for all your fucking needs. Whether it's the fucking hemp force, whether it's the strong bone, whether it's the Shroom Tech Sport, or whether you want to get some ropes. I can't get you the 10% discount for the ropes and the working out stuff. Whenever you use the discount code, use... Church. It's for church. C-H-U-R-C-H.

If you're going to use the code, it's only for supplements. So always know that up front. I'm not bullshit, nobody. But listen, they also have a program on it, stay on it. where they mail you your products once a month. If you don't check with Onit.com once a week, they add new stuff every week. Every week you see why they're the leader

and fucking supplements out there. Mike Dolce is fucking pushing them. So many fucking people in the MMA game are pushing them. I mean, you know them for AlphaBrain, but if you have any doubt, they got other shit there that you can take a look at. Go on Onnet.com. Whether it's the Shroom tech or the sport has helped me dramatically.

I love to tell you that I can't feel the difference, but I do. Sometimes when I work out, I just take a baby aspirin just for my heart, but sometimes I take a baby aspirin in two fucking shroom tech sports. It's a complete different fucking world. And you know me a long time, I wouldn't bullshit you. Whether you're taking jiu-jitsu, whether you're going to cross-fitness, whether you're jumping up and down, whether you want to fuck the shit out of somebody for three hours and you want more oxygen to your blood.

You have Shroom tech sport. I push it constantly because it's helped me tremendously at jiu-too. And I'm a fat fuck. I got no reason I lie to you. Number two, Hulu Plus. Listen, let me tell you something. Huluplus.com is fucking tremendous. They change constantly, and from time to time,

I got to look at the fucking list because I don't know. But listen, they got a ton of fucking kids shows also. Hulu Plus works if you have kids. I didn't know this. My wife has been using Hulu Plus from fucking Sesame Street. They got a ton of fraggle rock. They got a ton of fucking kid shows on there.

They got movies. They got TV. shows. Modern family, The Daily Show. If you never watch these shows, you could start now and catch up and you haven't missed the fucking thing. You understand me? Shark Tank, Grimm, the originals, the vampire diaries, the Goldbergs,

you understand, Sam and Cat, Dragon Ball Z, the fucking old school, Law and Order, Nashville, the Cosby Show, fucking Third Rock from the Sun. I mean, I'm not fucking with you people. Give Hulu Hulu Plus a try today. Why fuck around? Listen what we're going to do. It's $7.99.

a month, but because you're hanging with the church, you get two weeks for free, on the fucking arm. Free, free, free. That's what Hulu.com does. That's what Uncle Joey does for you. Go to joey-diaz.net, get yourself a patch, a t-shirt, a hat, but why are you there?

Go to the Huluplus.combox and press what? Press Joey. Joey, J-O-E-Y. I can see how enthusiastic you are. Huluplus.com. Two weeks for free, $7.99 a month. If you see a commercial on TV, What do they tell you?

It's $7.99 a month. Fuck all that shit. Press. Joey. In the box and get two weeks on the arm for fucking free. Number two,

I can't tell you enough. Listen, it's after Father's Day. Why fuck around? If you fucked up yesterday, you want to surprise your father, why give him some stupid fucking time? What are you going to do?

Give him a wallet. You have taken him out to lunch. Hook him up with Dollar Shave for a dot clock. Why fuck around? You don't need no bells on your razes. Neither is your dad. Who needs a fucking flashlight or a lantern or some,

fucking squirder for your little asshole you don't need that stuff go to the fucking dollar shave club dot com why stand on line why buy by fucking junk why be a mook and hang out and some fucking pharmacy till midnight because you forgot razors you don't need that shit go to dollar shave club dot com right now right now today you get the one dollar the six dollar a month package or the nine dollar a month package nine dollars a month you're the top of the line you get four fucking double razors a month you already got the stick if you If you want to order the post-shaved, fucking lotion, or the pre-shaved lotion, you get them.

They got the fucking shaved milk. It eliminates the fucking ingrown hairs. Plus, they got the one-wipe Charlie's for your asshole. That's not included in the $9 program. If you can't afford $9 a month, go with the $6 a month. I'm talking $6 a month for razors. You think I'm bullshit in you? Go.

Go yourself. Test out and see how much the price of fucking razors are. Go down there like an asshole. Waste your time, stand on line. Or you can just go to Joey Deers' day's. dot in there go to the fucking dollar shape called blocks and press church church c h you r c h

get razor sent directly to your house save time that's what i'm talking about here look at how i yell at lee because of his plane flying he fucking waste three fucking hours you don't need to fucking waste we're talking about time you don't have enough of it left time fucking flies one minute

I was hanging out of central park trying to mug some half a fag and here I am 30 years later with fucking the flying jew doing a podcast It went like this. You don't have a lot of it. Why fuck around. Time is of the essence.

You don't want to stand that fucking some pharmacy. Go to Dollar Shave Club.com and order your raises today. A dollar, $6, and $9. What's the code? Church. Church. And that's what you get. That's what you get, cucks.

Also, to one of my favorite fucking people in the world. Not only do they have an exceptional product, but the customer service is fucking numero uno. My people at escapodtank.com. I hear nothing but good things. A leader, a leader in flotation tanks. They got just a tank model going out. They got 150 off to just a tank model.

But if you mention us, you get 250 Getus off the price of a fucking tank. You could save that however the hell you want. Already, they're going to save you thousands on any tank, whether it's industrial, residential, commercial, whatever the fuck you want to do with it. Whether you're a plumber you want to install it, whether you want to store in your house. I don't give a fuck.

Will you think of a flotation tank, cuck, sucker? Yeah. Anyway, call Jeremy on the 800 fucking line. They'll go to Escapodtank.com and take a look at what they got. Jeremy's always there to help you with all your fucking needs. He'll save you money along the way. They'll ship it out to you. You can install it with some plumber.

They'll make the fucking plans. Go to Escapadtank.com today. Get your fucking flotation tank today. Get it started today. You could be fucking floating by December. That's how they do it. You know what I'm saying? Lee, what's a story?

How high are you? I can't have this. I'm pretty high. When are you going to stop the fucking? You want another vapor hit? No, thank you. Why not? No, thank you.

We don't have another fucking vapor hit to knock you out. Because I am fucked up. How could we didn't get no sun? You're the only Jew that don't get no sun in Florida. It's fucking hot down there. We couldn't go anywhere. How hot was it? Fucking like 90 degrees, but it was like the wet kind.

It's fucking. Did you bring a bikini with you? No. You didn't bring shorts? I brought shorts. I didn't bring a bikini. You bring flip flops? No.

So your feet was sweating the whole time. No, my feet aren't socks. I don't want, who wants fucking people? Well, you don't like, you hate sandals. Especially down there your feet are getting sweaty. But you're in 90 degree. At least you have some fucking flip-flop. So what?

I mean, got nice socks on and shoes. Nah, your feet aren't going to get sweaty. They breathe. The heat is up on top. Your feet are cold. No, it's not, dude. Not down there. You see any lizards?

Yeah, those are fucking weird. What did you learn today? Oh, and my dad's complex. The dogs are so old that the women walk them around in strollers. I saw these 80-year-old women. pushing dogs around in strollers because the dogs couldn't walk anymore.

It's amazing what the average is done. Oh my God. It's amazing. Once you go to Florida, you just fucking surround it with it. Look, what is happening?

They're like, oh, the dog is so old now they can't walk. Even the doctor's fucking old, right? Everybody's fucking old, it seems like.

It's, I couldn't imagine. We went to the lunchtime I was like, I can't imagine being a server here. Everyone was like, can you turn down the AC?

Oh, they fucking drive. Can I bring a little salt? This has too much butter in it. My cholesterol. What the caloric intake on it? What is the fucking cat? Listen, lady. What the fuck? Get it together. Cocksuck. I'm not here answering questions.

Something really weird happened Saturday also that it doesn't fuck with me. But it just makes me think about life and the things that I did. So when I'm talking to Regina's son,

he says to me that after I contact that a couple of her friends contacted him and that uh one of them he told the one cousin and particularly that he was going to contact me and the cousin he goes what happened between you and her and i go i don't know and he goes you got to read what she fucking wrote oh my god lay she's like he's an actor comedian he was a friend of hers but do not contact him do not contact him he's an awful person he did terrible things when he was growing up, blah, blah, blah, blah. She goes, I don't know why people

or even fucking talk to him. You know, and I couldn't believe it. I mean, did it knock me off my feet? No. I know that, listen, going in, I already knew that's how three quarters of the people I grew up would feel about me. Yeah.

Three quarters of them, you know what I'm saying? But when they were snorting coke with me and they were jumping up and down, it was all good. It was years later that they came to a religious awakening. And they said, oh, my God, what happened when he was young was fucking horrible.

But they didn't take nothing else into it. But you know what? I don't fucking live my life for them, so it really doesn't mean anything to me. But it's amazing what people remember from 30 years ago, and they were never going to give me a chance. There's this charity that contacts me, maybe the last five years.

It's done out of my hometown. And they always say, hey, we're doing that benefit again this year if you're in town. You know, so they're like, If you're doing a gig locally, you could come on by and do the gig for us. But they always ask, like, are you going to be in locally? So what you're telling me is, so a friend of mine called me, and I think we've discussed this before in the podcast, a friend of mine called me. And she said, looks at you would make me look like a star if you showed up to one of these benefits.

And I said, I have no reason not going to one of these benefits. But here's my argument, okay? let's say I go in my pocket I leave my wife and my kid to get on a plane on a Thursday fucking morning to fly six hours we all know what that's like to go through security

drive 50 minutes and fucking you know get up at 3.30 in the morning to get down you know I don't fuck around I get to New York I got to get a fucking cab that's 40 or 50 out of my pocket go to a hotel which is a day out of my pocket I got to get dinner

that all comes out of my pocket to do their benefit. Okay. And then I'm going to get back in the cab and then fly back. So it's 12 hours just in the air. The two hours reporting for each thing is 14, is 12 plus 4 or 16, plus the fucking hour to get home and prepare. So that's another two hours on each on the way down and back.

So I'm putting like 20 hours of effort in, not to mention, you know, $600, $700, $700 for a plane ticket to New York, hotel, accommodations, meals, and transportation. It's going to cost me $1,200 plus or whatever. Now, I'm not putting a cost. It's a great benefit to perform that. But these are the people that... I didn't grow up with these guys.

They're a little younger than I am, and they just heard these stories. So what you're telling me is, if I'm locally, I'm good enough to drop in and do the fucking benefit, but you won't lift a rock to fucking pay me. So I thought about this for a long time, because for like three years,

they've contacted me and they've asked. And I don't mind, but here's my argument. They're going to feel the same way about me after I leave, whether I charge them or I do it for free. Oh, really? Yeah. Do you understand where I'm coming from?

Yeah. That's not going to change. Half the people are going to go there are just to watch me and seeth and figure out what I did. Do you follow me? I did a benefit in Hoboken seven years ago, and let's say there was 400 people in the room.

I knew maybe 100 of them and 70 of them were there just to cheer me down. Really? Oh, please. I knew it. I knew the reason why they were there. They weren't my friends growing up. Now they show up.

They want to shake my hand. They weren't my fucking friends growing up. I knew who my friends were. I remember who at least was there for me halfway, and I remember who shunned me completely. Do you follow what I'm saying to you? Who just shunned me completely? So it was just really weird.

So I made this call. So this time they really wanted me to show up Because I was there last year at that time And I didn't know it I just flew in that Thursday afternoon I didn't know it and then that Friday I did Gotham But this year I tried for the date And then I started thinking I go listen

You know what man The least they could do is pay for the fucking I won't charge them for the show But they got to cover everything else You know that's why I told my friend Frank I said Frank I don't mind doing it But they got to cover everything else Because you know what, at the end of the day, they're not going to feel no different about me.

They don't like me. They don't fucking like me. They're all going to make their whispers around me that he robbed the jewelry. He robbed somebody we knew. He robbed the jewelry store. He robbed the drug dealer we knew. But it really doesn't matter what you do in this life. What I do today is never did what I did in North Bergen because I could never relive those things.

I could never, I did some bad things. You know, it's not like I raped and lit hot fires and killed kids or nothing like. that I robbed a lot of motherfuckers. And I'm here to tell you, I made a lot of fucking mistakes. You know what I'm saying? And some people deserved it, and others didn't. Some were my friends, but I was just a desperado for drugs.

And sometimes you've got to do what you got to do. And I've made, and I've apologized to a lot of people. If you know anything about me, man? I've called a lot of people. I've pulled a lot of people aside and said, listen, I never forgot what happened. If you'd want me to give you a monetary damage, I will. If not, let's just shake hands and move on. They'll tell me

I forgot all about it, bro. Don't don't even worry, but I knew where your head was at. I had a girl I apologized to because I robbed a drug dealer, boyfriend, hers, and she came to one of my shows years ago, when I pulled her aside and I go, and she goes, listen, I broke up with him years later. At the time, it was really bad.

But years later, I would have done it. He was an asshole. It doesn't mean whatever he was. I was still wrong for fucking robbing the guy. So I don't expect a lot of people of forgiveness, And I'm then asking for fucking forgiveness. I really don't give a fuck. I know the people that deserve me going up to them and putting my hand out.

And I do it once a week. Once a week, I find somebody on Facebook or something. I head them up, and I ask them for a number. And you know what's crazy? That I've apologized on Facebook to maybe 20 people, and other 20 people, maybe five have contacted me back. Really? And I've gone to see if they check the message

and if they've posted that and they have. And they read the thing and probably just moved down. with their fucking lives. So it's really weird how some people just, they're stuck in their lives, but they're stuck in the same way I was stuck before I got locked up. It was the same way I was stuck before,

a little while after I got out of prison. I never learned how to claim responsibility for my actions. Do you know what I'm saying? You're going to stay stuck in your fucking life until you claim responsibilities for your actions. What do you mean by that? If I sat here and told you,

you I never did nothing wrong that the reason I did things were because my mother died and I didn't get Social Security and I got no will. That's different than for me looking you in the eye and going, no, I robbed people from my cocaine addiction and just because I didn't give a fuck. There's a big difference, Lee. Yeah. You know, when I kidnapped Kent Vela, I remember going to see the DA and he's the first guy that told me that. He goes, you sat here for an hour and told me all the reasons why you kidnapped somebody. And that whole time, he didn't apologize, you weren't remorseful. I didn't know what he was saying. And then I went to see my probation officer. Before you go to sentencing, they interview you and they give the report to the judge. And she was from the same neighbor that I was in New York City. This lady went to the same grammar school.

She went to a Catholic high school. I forgot what the name was now. It was 30 fucking years ago. But at the end of that report, she said the same thing. thing about me. He was fucking, he'll never get in trouble again. But we talked to three hours. And he told me all the reasons why he kidnapped this guy, but none of the reasons why, you know, he was wrong. Nobody ever tells you that they're wrong. Everybody always tells you the reasons why they were wrong. Nobody could just look you in the eye and go, hey man,

but it doesn't, it's not, at that point, changing my life wasn't when I apologize to people. changing my life was when I apologize to myself. Do you follow me for chucking and jiving? Because in your life, you could just chuck and jive so fucking much. I was a chuckering a jiveer, bro. You know? I don't know what that means. I'm like, what do you talk?

I mean, it meant that you, I bobbed and we. So no wonder, but you're saying like you're sorry for not giving it your all? Or like? What I'm saying is that I never moved forward in my life until I came to grips with that I had done these. things and that I was wrong. You have to admit that you were wrong, not that everything else was wrong. That's why you did it. I did it because you told me I would, what the fuck are you talking about? I had a girl told me one time she cheated on me because I

didn't tell her I loved her. No, you're a dick sucker by trade. It's in your fucking DNA. You love sucking dick and the week after that she sucks somebody else's dick. But they always cover it up with something instead of just saying you know what i did it because i did it and when i robbed these people in the early 80s because i left north bergen and 85 i didn't cause havoc in north bergen ever again ever again nothing i never did nothing bad northberg and after 85 because i didn't live there so all these things i talk about were 85 what year is it 2014 we're almost going on 30 years wow you follow me so i didn't come to terms of all this shit till 90.

91 was when I got on that stage and I started claiming responsibility for myself was when I moved forward dramatically in my life. It was like I went from fucking the fourth grade to freshman year. Like I had advanced that much. That's how much you

will advance in your fucking life if you claim responsibility. That's how much you just lose all this baggage you have on you. It is just fucking amazing. But to see people that are in their 40s and still fucking not saying, no, I didn't do it. Me, I'm telling you, for Angie Genu to write this shit on to whatever,

yes, it throws me off for a second. And then I say to myself, what the fuck is she talking about? You know, this is 30 years ago, and she's still burying me. And no, I never redeemed myself as a human being because I got in a movie with De Niro. That's not why I redeemed myself. I redeem myself because I claim responsibility. And I know this.

but if she ever gave me the chance, I don't want the chance from her, because I never liked those people anyway. That was my other thing. Some of these people didn't like me, but I didn't really give a fuck because I didn't like them, so they did me a fucking favor. I knew they were fucking fake people.

You know what I'm saying? And it made sense because a bunch of her friends had contacted me before I went to the Stress Factory and told me how they were coming to the show, and they said hello, you know, because they saw me in some stupid movie. But by the time it came to the Stress Factory, about a lot of those friends didn't show up.

But that girl's brother came to the stress factory. Really? Yeah. So do you think, like, do you think they're just, like, them not owning up, but they're saying, like, they're jealous? Or, like, why do you think they're doing it? Because if they're saying you're a bad person, what are they hiding? They're not jealous, man.

They just, uh, it's not due with jealousy. It has to do with, I don't know. I don't know. It has to do with them not letting it go. or them, I really can't answer that, Lee. I don't know what people's motors are to not let things go or see people from a different light or something like that.

Maybe you don't want to see people from a different light. I do the same thing. But listen, man, if you did something 30 years ago in North Bergen, I still talk to you. If you reach out to me, I'll reach out to you. I don't care how bad it was. You know me? I don't give a fuck.

That was 30 fucking years ago, my friend. George Falado was a fucking nut. That's why you think George Langell. for a lot of lives in St. Louis, because he wants to live in San Luis. He pissed off a lot of people, too. It's a beautiful day to be a live cock suckers. Monday, June 16th. We'll leave it with that. If you're not going to claim responsibility for your fucking actions, you're always going to be stuck. I was one of those people. I was stuck until I was fucking dirty because it was always the world around me. It was never about what I had done. Fuck all that shit. Clam up to it. You heard the fucking man today, Matt Brown.

We all live with some type of fucking fear. I mean, that motherfucker blew my mind. mind today. We're talking about fear. So it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Get your shit together. Wednesday, I'm going to be on the Rogan podcast, so we don't know if we're doing a podcast Wednesday. We'll probably do a church Thursday or something like that.

Okay. All right, people. So don't fucking panic. Never fear. Uncle Joey's here. The dates next Friday and Saturday of 27th to 28th. I'm at the Ice House with Dom. Motherfucking Arrevecoe headlining. Go to Joey Deers.net for all the dates for the fall.

I'm going to put them up there today or tomorrow. what else do I need to do I need to do a couple of fucking things that's it people I love you cuckers stay black thank you for listening and I hope you have a fucking tremendous week now that the show is over

don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus Hulu Plus that's you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your TV PC smartphone or tablet support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey or go to joey d-diaz.net

and click on the Hulu Plus banner and don't forget to sign up for dollar shaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash church or just go to joaddea's.net and click on the dollar shave club banner. And thank you to escape pot tank. Go there, mention joe des and get 250 off of your sensor deprivation tank. 250, cock suckers. Have a good day.