The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #189 - Joey Diaz, Mick Betancourt, Goldberg and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: June 23, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by comedian and tv writer Mick Betancourt. There is also a surprise guest call from former NFL player, wrestler and actor Goldberg. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Escapepodtank.com Mention Joey or the Church and get $250 off. Recorded on 06/23/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey. That's Huluplus.com slash Joey. And by Dollar Shave Club.com. Get high-quality raises to send to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now, go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church. That's dollar shaveclub.com slash church.

Or just go to JoeyD.S. And click on the Doll Shave Club banner. Thank you to Onit.com. Go there for all of your supplements and nutrients like AlphaBrain and Shroom Tech Immune and Sport. Mention church and get 10% off. And thank you to EscapePodtank.com. Go there for all of your sensory deprivation tank needs. Mention Joey Diaz of the church and they're going to save you an additional $250.

Are you kidding me or what? Crank that motherfucker Lee. What? Hit it! Are you fucking kidding me? Monday. June 23rd. The day the devil went down in flames, fuck them.

It's over, it's a whole new fucking week. Get it together. Start the diet, quit smoking. Stop fucking on the toe. You know, shit like that. Get it together, cock suckers. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. And the best thing about it, you're in and kick that motherfucker.

You're in the darkest corners. That's my, smoking for you. What? Till the end, my friends. What? June fucking 23rd and you're alive, it's your fucking world. Grab a gun, grab a knife, a toothpick, a pen, something. We're going deep today.

Let me get this fucking thing. Enough with the music, but this is a discotheque? I just imagine you doing that at concert. Just like the whole concert's going on and you're like, what? What the fuck? What, bitch? Get your shit together. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive.

Whatever the fuck is in your mind, whatever doubt you got, fuck them all. You're the man. You're the king of swimming. They're going to have to fucking bend down and rub your feet, you know what I'm saying? Or washing them, whatever the fuck happens. What's going on, my little brother? Feeling fantastic.

What's up? You're looking good. You put gel in the hairdo. We're going to put gel on the fucking hair. Doesn't matter. If you put gel in your head, do the scalp will say, Jesus Christ, I got hair.

I got to buy it. You know what I'm saying? You got to fucking think positive. I wish it worked that way. No, I feel fucking great. A great weekend didn't do much. Fucking, but perfect. Who's better than you?

You're going to go see some chickolanus. whatever, and stand out of line like a fucking communist. You know what? I've done a bunch of crazy things

that I shouldn't have done. Do you see all those people in Chicago standing up watching a 90-minute soccer game? I was like, holy shit. What are you? The fucking are

sitting around dropping up and down watching soccer. Who gives a fuck? How was your weekend? Tremendous. You know what I did? Dick!

Dick! Fuck. We should do a Halloween episode where I'm over there and you're over here okay Halloween episode well it's fucking July Cucksucker it's June

I'm thinking ahead that's July it's fucking really July it's the 20 something that's it we got one week there I think yeah we got one week left and Chinese people start coming into your neighbors it's a 4th of July it'll be selling fireworks

when I was a kid that's why you knew the fucking 4th of July was coming some Chinese kids were coming to the neighbor with a car and they popped the trunk you come over to like blankets in there, explosives and cherry bumps. Do you ever light fireworks? What?

Do you ever light fireworks? No, no, I've been fucking sitting here. I don't know that. Fuck yeah, I played with fireworks as a kid. I had, all we had were like sparklers. Yeah, that's like David Telsa. That's a cousin to the fucking gay guy. I know.

They didn't have them in Massachusetts. You got to fucking hunt them down. You got to get fire. Cherry bombs and fucking M80s and fucking sparklers and Roman candles. And then you take the fucking stick off the bottle rockets and they fucking go crazy. You didn't have a good time. You didn't go to Chinatown as a kid.

I mean, no, not in Boston. You're flipping. And you take the bus for the 50, and you come back with fireworks, and you're selling fucking retail. You never did that, go into the city and buy fucking fireworks wholesale. No.

This is what I'm talking about. We've got to do it this summer. We've got to take you down to Fubang City down there in Chinatown. Foo bang city? Whatever the fuck they call it down there. You get some fireworks, some bottle rockets, some new chucks.

You buy them wholesale. I had new chunks. Those are fun. Sure, they're fun. That's why you're fucked. Your head is all fucked up. Because you hit yourself from the head But it's true

When you're a kid You know The first two summers You pay retail on the street And you go fuck this shit Then you just get a bunch of your buddies Fucking money You go down to China

You go down to China You go down to China There are no buses in my town I don't know how How'd you live there What do they have mules and shit People get with What the fuck?

Walk you fuck To buy Yeah like 20 30 miles Jesus did it I'll kick you right Jesus fucking did it He walked all over the world What's going on

You beautiful motherfucker fuckers Monday, June 23rd, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Things are bad all fucking over. The devil didn't die. The devil died. I know those guys went to the World Series of fighting. You know what, man, I had it.

It's tough to get a fucking babysitter. My wife, you know, she sits home at night. So we finally got a fucking babysitter. We got a babysitter from 6 to 11. We left at 6 and we were back by 9.15. We couldn't take it no more. We had a My wife won some gift certificate

To a Fleming's thing Okay Like a $100 gift certificate And we've had it Like it had to be used by like Fucking July So we went to the Fleming's I'm at the Pena Canyon

And it was delicious It was fucking delicious And my wife had a good time My wife had a bloody marry Oh shit So she was fucked up On this, she kept telling me I can't believe I'm this fucked up

On one vodka But what are you gonna do? We went to Fleming's I got the fillet I didn't eat the big steak Like an animal We got the seafood towel I didn't touch the bread, you know.

Yeah. And we went for coffee. You know, we went for fucking dessert somewhere else. And it was very nice just to get her out of the house. Yeah. We got home. We paid the baby. So the baby's like, yeah, the baby's been sleeping for an hour.

Okay. She gets out. She leaves. My wife opens the door. There's the fucking baby in the dark. Playing with her fucking, with some light shit. She's got, when we took her out and played with her for another hour. And that was it.

But it's amazing. We went to eat that habit last week. You know, the habit, they have a great Ahi salad. Oh, nice. And they have a great tri-tip salad. It comes with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers. And I was sitting there, and we were sitting in this booth. I didn't really want to say it.

It's amazing how you have to eat your words in your life. You really do a lot. And nobody eats more fucking words than I do. Nobody has to apologize more than I do. And it's so funny, I'm sitting in this booth, and it's me, my wife, and the baby. And two years earlier, when Terry was like six months, pregnant, seven months pregnant. I was going through so much in my head. I was scared that something was going to happen to her at the birth. I was scared that the baby was going to come

out fucking stoned. You know, I just had all these fears and I didn't know if I could handle it. And I remember one day just going off in there. Like, it's not yelling and screaming, but going to her, you know what, when you have this kid, I got to do comedy, I got to be involved with the child. I can't be around this kid that much, you know? I don't really want to be that. I'm not that type of guy. I mean, why would this kid love me? Why would this kid You understand me? Well, did you say that too? Yeah, I was feeling really bad about myself.

And I just, people make mistakes, man. And I just had like a nervous breakdown. Like, I didn't have a fucking nervous breakdown, but I had my own little personal breakdown, which we all have from time to time, and we can't put our fingers on what happened. And that's what fucking happened. You know, we all have doubts three times a fucking year.

We're all fucking humans. We're all sinners. You know, we all have the same fucking problems. And I was looking at her, and she's pregnant. I didn't know what to think of my future. You know, I didn't know what the fuck was going to happen. All I know is I was going to be 50 with a fucking child.

And that's just, to me, it sounded crazy. It sounded very selfish at the time. So I was just telling me, I go, listen, you know, I can't be involved. Now, fast forward to two years now, and I'm sitting there with this baby that I couldn't, I couldn't imagine my life without her now. You know, I could never imagine your life with a child. Well, guess what? Once one comes along, you're not going to imagine your life without a child. It's like I couldn't imagine my life without my cats.

Because, you know, this morning I got up at 3 to P. It was 315, right? Yeah. And I went right back to bed and I was like, I'm wide away. But I fought myself, boom. And I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to the fucking alarm. Nine of the ten, I wake up, you know, on my own. Today I woke up to the alarm.

And when I wake up to the alarm, I get pissed off at myself because that means I got a short window to work with, you know? So I fucking ran, I got into the shower But before I got into the shower I put the coffee on And when I was putting the coffee on As I was walking out I tripped over Harry And just as I was about to field punt him I looked at him

And I go fucking Harry And I bent over, picked him up, gave my kiss And there was my day Like my day was made after picking up that cat As long, he was just tripping me Two minutes fucking earlier And I almost kicked him Now I got to pick him up and kiss him

And tell him I love him That was my day So as I'm getting the shower, I'm laughing because I can't believe I just picked up a cat and told them, you know, what the fuck is your problem? So right there, the cat won because I laughed. Yeah. I laughed. It made me laugh. It didn't cost me $10.

I didn't have to fucking smoke weed. I didn't have to fucking go to a movie and put up with Will Farrell's fucking ass. I just giggled, you know? So everything serves its purpose. So, bro, don't ever feel bad if you got to eat your fucking words from time to time. Because I do every day. I couldn't believe. I'm trying to eat this.

And I didn't say nothing to my wife. Because I thought my wife was going to say, do you remember this particular booth two years ago? Oh, you're in the same booth? Yeah. And the shit you were saying, and she didn't say nothing until I told her a day later. She's like, as we were leaving, I was remembering that day, Joey.

And she goes, for you to say something, it's huge. She goes, she goes, you were pale. She goes, you had a nervous breakdown of that day. She goes, that was, she goes, what was going on. And it was because I was reading the Internet, and I was worried. I was worried about Terry. She's 42 about to get birth, you know?

You read all these stories about people dying on a fucking thing, and now you're left with this child, and you got to tell her the child that she was, you know, anyway, why even go there? So that's what it was. So it's amazing the things that you live and learn. I couldn't imagine my life without this fucking child now. But on the way home from Fleming's,

whatever I ate at Fleming's made me go to the bathroom because I have a double espresso. Oh, see, it's steak and a double espresso. Don't have a double espresso of your assholes, not close to a toilet. but that's always a fucking mistake. I had a drive from Topanga Canyon. How far down Topanga Canyon?

No, no. Topanga exit. Oh, just the edge. Okay, here. And you go down a big street and they have like different restaurants there and they have a fat man store there. That's the only other fat man store they got in fucking. They got Woolen Hills and Burbank.

And the Burbank is like the little cousin to the fucking fat man store. So they send you all fashions for ugly fucking fat people. The hip-fat fucking people go to the one in Woodland Hills. That's where they got everything. on every size. Raiders shirts, everything. Like, whatever you want,

they got there for the fat person. But if they don't sell it, they sell it down the fucking Glendale for the Armenians and whatever, you know, the chubby of fucking Armenians. So it's just kind of weird. But I had those two espresso shots. And let me tell you,

I went home. And by the time I got the studio city, I told my wife run upstairs and throw the babysitter out because I'm coming up there like a fucking with Nakasaki is going to drop out of my asshole. When I went in there, took three fucking, I flushed that toilet three times, and I heard some go,

and I said, fuck it's not flushing them. I'm not saying nothing to nobody. And the next one I woke up in the pipe burst. So I don't know if it's my fucking digestive tract that blew up that pipe. And this week, I can't eat, I got to eat chicken, no cattle milk, and nothing but vegetables and chicken or fish till Thursday because I got a shit in a cup this week and mail it in. Why can't you only have chicken? Only chicken, no meats.

I can't eat cantalough. It'll fuck up the region or whatever? They're reading. So on Thursday all day, I got a shit. And every shit, I got to take a little scoop of it, put it an envelope and save it. You just put a little 20 in the envelope for the person. Just like, I feel you, Doug. Sorry.

You're a good man. That's a good idea. You know what I'm trying? I'm not to put a little 20, wrinkled up in there. So when they open up this shit, there's a little 20. Like, what the fuck happened? It's my lucky day. They open up a piece of shit, but I got a 20 in the envelope.

Who's that? That's what I'm talking about. You're a fucking savage. I love fucking Lysayette. He's always thinking. me I'm slipping cucksuckers it's a beautiful day get up great weekend you know the weather's still

fucking nice the weather's nice I went to the park I did some writing you know I'm trying to put this book together with my girl Jessica so she sent me 100 fucking pages oh 100 pages that's where you've gotten so far that's awesome yeah and I looked at like 20 of them

and I was dizzy I cried I shut the computer down because when you read about something that has to do with your life it's completely fucking different but as usual I I got aggravated this weekend, always. What happened? I got aggravated at fucking Gentiles for talking nonsense.

I made a comeback to the farmer's market. Uh-oh. And that fat fucking Japanese paparazzi was there, I just eyeballed him. And the whole time I kept thinking about fucking stabbing them. So I went to the Mexican fruit stand where the real cool Mexicans and I asked for two Mexicans with no paperwork

and a knife, get it ready just in case to take over this motherfucker. Because let me tell you something. There's something that's dangerous as a Mexican with no paperwork. Those motherfuckers are stabbing And they're on the next bus, the Tiawamba, and you're in no danger of catching those cock suckers that happens every day. Those Mexicans with no papers, they'll stab you in the fucking neck.

And they're on the 22 to Lancashire. Next thing you know, they're in fucking Mexico. And meanwhile, you're at the hospital fucking playing Spanish songs, looking at pictures of America's Most Wanted, trying to figure out who fucking stabbed you. Get the fuck out of here. So did anything happen? What happened at the farmers market? I'm sitting there. And I hear these two fucking Gentiles

that were fucking just ultra douchebags You know with their rhetoric About how Take a look at this farmer's market You know And like I said I go up there 9 in the morning To get fish

And we get a couple of vegetables And we got this one Spanish stand And they always have like fruit for us Like yesterday they had these cherry peaches Like I guess some fucking moron Combined the cherry and a peach Or something like that So it were great.

I must eat 30 of them. I'm going to ship peaches when I go home. I must eat 30 of those little pizzas last night. I'm not kidding. You know, delicious. We just go over there and talk to them. I like the farmer's market, except for the fucking people. Yeah.

I like the farmer's market. Is that the one right by the post office? This is the one by Lord Canyon. Okay. But then there's one by the post office on Saturdays. The only thing they got there is Filipino chicken sticks and some fucking fruit juice. But it's delicious. Okay.

They could put chicken on a stick and glaze it to Filipinos. Nice people, really nice family. And they have juices like watermelon juice, mixed with orange, all natural juices. They're pretty fucking good. But after that, it's just a bunch of fucking people trying to sell massages and kids art and, you know, pain. Little Cajon is the one to go to. Laurel Canyon is a long one. They got snow cones.

They got pizza. The pizza's delicious. You get a margarita, they trim it, they burn it nice. Don't get the cheese. Get the margarites. It's got less cheese, more sauce, a couple pieces of that green shit. Tremendous dog. It's a real nice fucking breakfast.

They have paella. They've got hot dogs with the fucking bacon around it. They've got the juices, the Mexican juices. They've got a place that has watermelon, you know, avocado or... Cucumber juice with something else. They have a couple different ones. But they're fucking specialty, and they only have it once a month is the strawberry milk. Ooh.

Or watered down with ice cubes. you're fucking world blend. You understand. In your mind, you're world blend. You smoke two joints and walk around that fucking thing. You walk around like a fucking savage. But it's so crazy that I sat. And for some reason, this always goes into my ears.

And it doesn't piss me off because they're talking about Mexican people. It pisses me off because of the mindset. Again, when somebody says that our country's going to the wolves, because my son, he said something about my son just graduated college, It's a shame he can't find a fucking job in his field because, you know, so he went to college and now you're still blaming the fucking Mexicans. And I felt like, like, I was so angered by hearing that statement because let me tell you what that means. That means you're already putting a kiss of death on your son. Listen, man, if your son can't get a job in fucking construction or in the bricklayers, which I agree with, this country has taken away that bottom, like, if you want to learn to be a carpenter today, it's going to be very hard.

Really? Sure, because when I want to learn to be a competent, when I was 20, 20, let's say 20, 30 years ago, I could walk into a carpentry shop and say, hi, I'd like to be a laborer. And they'd say, okay, when can you start tomorrow? You know, it's fucking dog work. You got to pick a, let's say they're building this office buildings.

You're picking up scraps. You're going to get coffee. You're stocking the different carpenters with wood, whether it be two by 60s, two by 12s, two by fours. you know, whatever the fuck they may need and at the end of the day it's clean up putting away people's tools. But as time progresses, you start picking up

a ham and you make cuts for people. People say, Lee, give me a 14, three quarter by six and you struggle to make and you give it to them. Now you're more involved in the building process. But at the same time you're learning a trade. Before you know it, you're involved in that trade. Yeah. The problem is now it's not really a problem

is that Americans have figured out that it's cheaper to hire a fucking Mexican, and you don't have to teach them shit. I don't have to spend my day with them. You teach them one time, and they'll do the same job for fucking 18 years and be happy at 10 bucks an hour. Do you follow me? Now, so it's very tough. And I get it, and I get it. But you have to fucking outwork the next guy. I get it. You look at a job site and you go, well, I can't be an electrician helper because they have Mexicans. I can't be a moord, a haughty because to have Mexican.

So if you go in there thinking about that, you know what? You got to go up to a fucking, you know how many fucking jobs I got when I was a kid by going up to something and going, how you doing? I never living like an Aspen

in Colorado and like places like that and being a young man and just walking out construction setting going, hey, how about I work for fucking three days for free? If you don't like me, you send me home. If you like me, we work something out. Anybody will take free fucking labor.

And I'd go there and I'd work the fucking guy. This is when I was 21 and 22 when I was a strong fucking kid. I can't do that now. I cannot work a fucking, I cannot work a 50 fucking year old. You know what I'm saying? But you go there and you prove yourself. We've taken that even belief in our fucking children.

You know, if I had a son today and he couldn't find a fucking job, I go, come here. I drove by that fucking thing. They're building over there. I want you to go there every morning at 8 o'clock. Every fucking morning at 8 o'clock. And you ask for Joe and you go, are you looking for help? Eventually, he's going to put you to fuck on.

But that day he puts you on, you got one minute to fucking shine. because it's like television now. If your idea ain't good, they'll cut you. It's not like Scientthal wouldn't last today. They don't give you eight episodes no more and then sit around and go, oh my God. No, the bottom line is the Guitus. How much advertising dollars are they fucking bringing in?

The same thing when it comes to labor. How much are you saving me in fucking labor? If I got to hire Lee and I got to hire two guys to help Lee, he's defeating the fucking purpose. Because not only do I have to pay the wage, like let's say I pay lease I at $15 an hour to be my labor. I also have to pay the fucking state

for that insurance thing, $15 an hour. Whatever I pay, so you really, your work to me is $30 an hour. If I pay you for an eight-hour day, it's $240 is what you really costing me. After insurance, and I forget that fucking word. I'm a workman's comp. Okay.

You pay workman's comp. The same amount that you work the fuck, yeah. That's why a lot of people get illegal help or non-union help because I don't have to pay your work as comp. But $10, I got $10. That's why the union, that's why you can't work in the bricklayers union anymore. more on a steel workers unit

because they said fuck it they hire that's where the mafia comes in they hire non-union work so yeah you still pay me $35 an hour for labor but I pay fucking mow over here 10 and I pocket $25 and 15 of it goes for the fucking mob okay so that's what you feel me

do you feel me it's probably interesting if you talk to him like what kind of job at his time was looking for because I have a lot of friends who are looking for jobs but they're looking for only specific kinds and they won't take anything else. They're going to be suck a dick by the time they're 31.

The thing that kills me is I have a friend who's moving out. He just graduated college and he's going to move out here to work in TV as a producer. And I told him, come out here in the summer because all the shows are starting. And I heard from my mom the other day that he's going to spend the summer in Philly

and come out in September. Fuck him. Come out in September and he'll be unemployed until January. You gave me your advice. You did what you did. Fuck them. They know more than you do. But you're out here.

You ever have those people? They know more than you, but you're the one that's out here breaking your fucking ass. You're the one that still looks at the fucking job things because you're not a lazy kid. You look at the fucking job board and you see what's out there. Fuck them. Listen, if you really want a fucking job, you get a fucking job. Okay? If you really want a fucking job, you get a job.

When I wanted a job, I was up at 630. I had the paper by 7. And the paper don't mean dick Because the paper is the same thing That a thousand, a million other fucking people Are looking at You're all chasing the same fucking nickel Why the fuck are you chasing the same nickel?

You got to chase a complete different fucking nickel And that's where these people have forgotten Walking to an office building They got 50 fucking right? How you doing? My name is Joey. I want to know if anything you guys need help We make luggage here and we are looking

Who gives a fuck? You're looking for work, right? It's $10 an hour to start Making luggage and working in a hot warehouse until you find another fucking job. And the biggest thing I learned, because someone got hired at one of my jobs by doing that,

he came by with a resume, and the biggest thing I learned is it's not going to be the most, the person who most deserves the job. People who are hiring are like everybody else, they're fucking lazy. So if you come in with a resume and you fit the basic qualifications,

they're like, fuck, now I don't have to spend four days interviewing people. If I'm looking for a fucking job, I'm not going to look at the computer. I mean, I don't look at the computer just to get a feel. killing you what's out there. Whatever the fuck jobs are in your thing.

But when you really want a job, you really want a fucking job. Internet jobs are hard because there's thousands of people applying to. They're all chasing the same nickel. So you have to fucking improvise. That means you got to go, today I'm going to park my car on fucking Ventura. And I'm going to walk from the 1,200 block to the 1,300 block. It's going to take me an hour. And that's it.

But I'm going to walk into every fucking shoe store. Hey, how you doing? My name is Lee. I'm looking for a fucking job as a salesman. You never know. Listen, I'm a stand-up comic But part-time, people call me in for auditions And my job is to end her fucking job

You follow me? Her job is to find me When I got the longest yard, they didn't want to see me I didn't give a fuck I went above those people When I took a tape, me and Chuck Savage, God bless him He fucking taped me in Houston And I sent it in because I wanted it

I believed in myself that much It starts with fucking belief You gotta fucking believe in yourself And go, this week I'm getting a fucking job I don't give a fuck with my mom or my cousin, you know, because everywhere you go, what are they telling you? It's tough to get a job. I know it's tough to get a job, but you're tougher than that. You're fucking tougher than that.

That's what, you know, enough with this shit about enough with the fucking Mexicans and the Russians and these fucking people taking your fucking jobs. If you want a fucking job, you're getting it. That's what's called being an American, is that, you know what? When you show up there, you're going to be the best person there is. I've said this a thousand times. I root for years. I root for my in-laws. You know what? I could have showed up at 8 and left it too and nobody would have said nothing. But you know what? That's not the cut I am. They offered to give me a job. They were paying me $15, $20 a fucking hour to throw fucking dirt around. So I got there first and I left last. I picked up papers. I did shit nobody else wanted to do because I was there, brother-in-law.

It's the same mentality when you're a fucking American. Okay, so the fucking Mexicans are taking your job. the Armenians, cut it the fuck out, go down there. This country is 240 fucking years old, correct? In 1776, they became a country because we're bet. Play the fucking national anthem because they got me fired up today. 240 fucking years we've been around. We are the greatest, we help fucking everybody. But guess what?

Don't mistake our fucking kindness for fucking weakness. We're still fucking Americans. And you've got to get up. every morning and fuck that little circle of loser friends you have that tell you don't go down there, they're not going to hire you, they're not going to hire you. Because you have that fucking loser attitude

walking in. You're going to grab your fucking balls. You're going to take your shit. You're going to wipe fucking your ass. You're going to brush your teeth. You're going to put gel in your hair. You're going to fuck them. Whatever the fuck, put your mouthwash in your fucking mouth. And you're going to go down and you're going to go, listen. I know you're not hiring. But I'm the best motherfucker available

to you. You know why? Because I'm a fucking American, okay? Whether I'm black, A chick, a spake, whatever fuck I am, I'm a fucking American. And I'm going to outwork all these motherfuckers here. Give me ten hammers. Ten fucking hammers. What time you close? Five?

I'll be here when you fucking get here. At six, cocksucker. You're a fucking American. Stop fucking whining. I'm sick of you, motherfuckers. Two hundred and forty years, we've been slinging dick, and you're still whining about the unemployment rate. What unemployment rate?

It's only in your fucking head. You need to eat your fucking. I'm sorry. I get emotional on Monday mornings, you know what I'm saying? After a weekend with a bunch of fucking Gentiles. Get up. It's Monday. It's a beautiful fucking day to be a lot.

I want to be around. I was going to say, let's put this fucking thing in here. What's that vapor pen? Leo already killed the fucking goomy. All right, that's it. We ain't got time to fuck around no more. It's 2014. You're still whining.

You're fuck. The phone ringing. Are you kidding me or what? Two. Pick up the fucking pieces. When somebody... Sometimes I gotta go off, you know what I'm saying? I gotta get these people fired up.

They're fucking around here no more. No one's... You want to fuck around? We'll listen to some other faggy fucking podcast. What's up on over? You know me? I got my blood pressure up to 180. I'm sick and tired of these fucking Gentiles

at the farmer's market in Laurel Canyon talking about they can't find a job because fucking Mexicans. Fuck you. You're an American. We've been around three. 240 fucking years. You got to go down and tell these people.

Mexicans are nice people, but I was fucking burn on my fucking back. I'm going to outwork all you motherfuckers. You know, the first ones they blame when everything goes down. The Spicks, the Yams, the Chinese people. Everybody blames them. But fuck it. You got to outwork these motherfuckers. I'm sorry.

I get emotion on Monday mornings. McBenton court on the fucking phone here. What's happening, my brother? That's right. You got to hustle. Cock suckers. You got to get up. Everybody tells you how bad things.

are. Every time you, it's all Obama's fault. Get up. Get up. You can't blame it on the fucking yam every time. You can't blame it on the fucking black guy every time. Get up. You're white, you're an American. I'm sorry, I get emotional. My blood pressure is probably 180 over fucking 190 around that. What's happening? If you're in America, if you're in fucking America, you got a shot. You do anything you fucking want. That's the truth. That's shit to the bench. The fuck. Literally. The fuck. We were mugging people 20 years ago. We were, we were staying up trying to fucking roll a bum walking down the street. And now I'm doing a podcast talking to these youngsters, trying to get them fired the fuck.

You know how the brother is to fucking roll a bum when you're drunk? You don't want to roll a bum. You do it because you're a gentleman and you're focused. Well, you do it because there's 80s. There's one of them and you want to entertain. Who the fuck are you kidding? One time I rolled the bum. I dragged this guy like 40 fucking feet.

People are like, leave that guy. Fuck you. He's got new shoes on. You've got new jeans. worthy new balance. Fuck you. Fuck you. You got to get up, bitch.

I just saw a black guy, 7-11. I had to go buy water. And I walked in and I saw how everybody was treating this guy. This guy had no shoes on. He probably smoked crack

for three days. But I am not here to judge. And I didn't have no money on me. You know me? I got the ATM. We all live in this ATM card. I go out with the family. I spend every fucking dime in cash.

So on the way, I bought a case of water. I gave him two fucking waters. The kid thought I was Jesus fucking Christ. It was amazing. I just gave him two words. He's like, thank you, sir. God bless you. God bless me. This is my fucking thing for the day.

You got to make somebody's day, you know? I don't give a fuck with Carla. What the fuck they are. I love when people are like, that person's just going to go by drugs with it. I fucking hope so. He's living, he's got no shoes on, he's sleeping in an alley in his own shit.

Can he get a hit a crack? Don't you need a little escape from that? And eventually, after 10 or 15 hits, he'll realize you don't want to do the crack no more, have become a fucking whatever member society, whatever fuck you call him a prolific member of society.

Mental illness, all that other shit aside. That's a rough fucking way to live. I've had friends of mine, I've been sober now just over 12 years. I've had friends of mine come off Skid Row.

That's fucking miraculous. One pal of mine came off to Skid Row owns a construction company now. Lives in a house, too kid. It's fucking unbelievable. But that's what he had to go through. I mean, it's a horrible

fucking way of life, man. Throw him a dollar. Who could have a fucking. fuck what he spends it on. You know, I remember fucking, I was homeless for about a month. And I'm not going to tell you I was homeless with fucking grass in my hair walking around. You know, I was homeless, but I still had money to buy snort cocaine. That's always the best fucking story I got.

I was homeless, but I was snort and blow every night under a fucking rocket ship at a park in North Bergen, New Jersey. You know those rocket ships that the kids play on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I lived in the basement apartment downstairs, and the fucking, I used to piss. down there it was fucking disgusting I pissed and I was five feet away from it because I was too paranoid to go away from the rocket ship when you were in your head like I'm on top of the fucking world I mean I got I got a couple bad beats here

but still I got a little blow and my pocket things are all right I got a rocket ship a fucking rocket ship McBenacourt you working my brother yeah man I just started consulting producing on Chicago PD which I'm super excited but as you know I'm from Chicago so what a fucking dream come true man to be working on a show in the town I rolled around as a kid man it's fucking

unbelievable now are they shooting that in Chicago? Yeah yeah they're shooting Chicago fire there Chicago Pete there's a ton of shit there man they're shooting four five fucking TV shows there yeah and they're shooting commercials there again Chicago's becoming

a major this you know they said fuck it well it's funny because I was in Chicago at Zanis, and the kid I was working with said he booked two guest stars and two national commercials in like a year, because they're shooting a bunch of shit there, young kids. So yeah, and so do you have to fly in to go work? Well, how it works is it writes out here and all the post-production stuff here, but the actual stages are out at Cinnispace there, and so whatever episode you write, you would fly out there and you would actually produce it.

You'd cast it through the location scouting and everything, and then be on set while they're shooting it. So it's fucking great. Good for you, man. So you're going to inhale a couple fucking Chicago hot beefs. I bumped into a guy yesterday at the fucking park, big guy. He had a little girl with him. He has his dog with him, a golden retrieving.

We're talking. And it just happened to him, he's from Chicago. And I looked at him, I go, you've been to Point of Park lately. And he just looked at me, and he was like, yesterday. You know, they have the, what's the place they got down there? It's, um... Jesus. Oh, shit.

Petrelleys? Petrelleys. Oh, yeah, they just opened a Johnny's beef down in Boehner Park now. No, but what's the other one? Or Al's beef. Al's beef. And then you have, it's not flukies. Fluky's a hot dog.

No. Pachulis, whatever the fuck of this. So which one's better? Out of all the beefs, which one are you a fan of? Because I'm a Mr. Beef type of guy. Yeah, the Mr. Beef's good. I actually like, I, um, I stayed in Berwyn for a little bit. And on 12th, and I think Old Park Avenue or east,

is this thing called Bona Beef, which I think it's the best. They're the best jardiner, which you can't get out here, which is that chopped up. It's like cauliflower, olives, and carrots, and a spicy olive oil, and you just flatter the beef with that shit, and it's amazing.

I get it dipped with, no, pro bono. Provalone on the bottom, double-dipped. You don't fuck around, do you? No, no. When you're going to get a beef, you've got to bring your egg game. Yeah, no. You know what a combo sandwich is? Yeah, with the sausage.

So they grow an Italian sausage on the fucking Italian beef. That's a sandwich on a sandwich. That's what I usually get when I go. I always get a six-inch sausage combo just to get the party started. And then the next three days I've got to walk away from the fucking place. Because I'll eat two of those a day. You know me. I'll eat three of those.

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. When I go to these places to travel, I try to eat their cuisine for three days. I don't fucking, you know, if people go, there's a hamburger place. Listen. Take that hamburger and go fuck yourself with it. I can eat a hamburger in California. It's a capital fucking hamburgers. That's all these Gentiles want to fucking eat.

But I'm talking about good fucking food, right? In Chicago, you fucking go back there. There ain't no salads. What salad? There ain't no diets in Chicago. You just fucking eat and hope that you stay under the points. You know what I'm saying? And there's no fucking point system there.

So wait, why? I had to move to Los Angeles. I had to move to L.A. to learn that you could eat and I don't even know if you know this you could eat vegetables

raw did you know that shit what kind of vegetables you could anyone you could just put them in your mouth you won't die nothing bad is gonna fucking happen and you know

I never knew that in Chicago you got a deep fry that shit and slather it in ranch oh don't say fucking ranch that's disgusting we don't do ranch at the church

of what's happening now that's gentile fucking well you said She said local cuisine. They put ranch on everything in Chicago. Oh, Jesus, fucking Christ. The Midwest loves that ranch shit.

Then they walk around. Ranch. We say it like this. It's the worst. The fucking horrible accent that I got. Ranch. Oh, God. It's fucking bad.

I'm a blue cheese type of guy, but that fucking ranch on everything will kill you. I know. I know you got a beef with ranch dress. It's like, these motherfuckers want to put mustard on an Italian sandwich. I never heard of that. I never heard of that. There's hot dog places in Chicago

Kick you out if you ask for ketchup They won't even give it to you to put it on the fries Because they think you might sneak outside And put it on the hot dog I love it If I see a ketchup on a hot dog I do snap You know that right

Yeah I fucking snap There's no fucking ketchup on a hot dog No ketchup on a fucking hot dog If you're a kid You get a free pass But once you hit 13 If you put

Oh listen to this Listen to this You want to talk about LA douchebags This shit happened yesterday Now, you and I've been out, how long have you been in L.A.? 17 years. Okay, so I'm a little behind you. I think I'm at 13 or 14.

Listen to this shit, man. Yesterday I'm at the pool with the whole family, right? We're watching this kid. I'm not fucking making this up. I have seen the epitome of L.A. entitlement, man. I thought I've seen it before when I went to the bank and there was no spots in a lady parked on the sidewalk in front of the fucking doors. I thought she was robbing the place.

She parked on the fucking... thought that was it. Yesterday, I'm watching this. Kid, he's maybe five or six, point as he's not in diapers. Stand up, right? By the ladder. Shit's in the pool. Shit's in the pool.

We're all watching this going, holy shit that kid's shit in the fucking pool. His mom's right next to him. Sees he's shitting in the pool. Takes him by his hand, gives him a drink from the table that they're sitting at. Kid walks over with the drink in his hand like a soda.

pours the drink in the pool, then throws the cup in the pool, then goes and sits down with his mom who gives him a fucking snack. And they start eating. The lifeguard goes, I can't you shit in the pool. Shuts the pool down

for the hundred people that are there for three hours. They got to blast that shit with fucking chemicals. No one says shit. No one says shit to the mom. They don't kick the fucking mom out. They don't put the kid on some fucking

trap skiing shooting device where we could all fucking shoot him when he's in the air. to let him know that's not how society fucking works then shoot his fucking mother nothing can you fucking believe that I sit in amazement

every day when it comes to Los Angeles and the area that we live the area that we live it didn't even happen to his mother listen the area that we live right there that's all fucking Whiteville these are people that are supposed to be decent people and they act like fucking savages

they have no class They don't use blinkers. They don't do a fucking thing but exist. They could care. But these are the same people that you go to their Facebook page and they're saving a cat and they're having parties and all their friends are hugging each other

and you look at them and deep down inside, I go to Marie E.T. our coffee shop there and I look at people who leave their cups at the table when they leave. I look at all that shit. I'll judge you by that. That's the type. So your mom is not fucking here.

She's going to leave that dish and those fucking cups there. But nobody else is going to come here and eat and sit beside you. I see that Marie T. When people double park with their cars and go in and they don't give a fuck about the guy in front of them. Bro, they don't give a fuck. People don't give a fuck. And what I do to those people is I take the air out of their tires. I scratch their fucking car.

Because you know what? They don't give a fuck about a human life or the people around them. But they give a fuck about that 3-series BMW. Put a scratch in the fucking door with a keyer in their hood. That'll ruin their fucking year. I don't give a fuck about the car. But God looks at me and goes, you did good. You're a fucking crime fighter for douchebags.

Because that's all they care about, bro, is their image. But meanwhile, I'm watching them. I'm watching them leave their cups there. I'm watching them just do shitty things that really good people wouldn't fucking do. Because they blame me, guys like me and you for. for putting a gun to some of these head, a robin the drug dealer or doing drugs. But to me, the real fucking,

the real fucking barnacles on the assholes of this world are people like that. But then they'll sit there and talk about the fucking, the Spicks and the brothers and everybody else. And they're more entitled than anybody and they've done nothing. Wives,

show me a wife to a producer in this town. I'll pick them out for you. Wives are producers and directors. I'll pick out those flaming cunts to you. They walk around like they've never sucked the cock before. And meanwhile, they blew eight producers before they got to that one.

Or eight directors before they got to that one. I don't fucking believe it, man. I couldn't. No. I mean, it just, that was watching your own. I mean, we have kids. It's like, I can't even, I would have had my son or daughter apologize to everybody at the fucking pool. Then we

would have went to the management. Then I would have said, can I pay it for whatever the chemicals were that you guys had to use to fucking do this. I'm so sorry, I can't have an accident. Not only with it, not an accident, you watch the kid pour his fucking drink in her and throw the cup in. I'm like,

this is fucking bockers. I had a situation a couple weeks ago where I watched the child beat up their sibling, you know, and there's nothing like a parental denial. There's nothing in this world like parental denial.

And I'll tell you, I know, I know, you were short on parents like I was. My mother was not, she wasn't living in denial. My mother knew what was going on. She just didn't want to talk about it with me. My mother went to a friend of mine one day and asked him if he had a joint.

And he came to me, he goes, you know, your mom asked me if you had a joint. We had a joint. My mom knew I got high. Just didn't want to talk to me about it. Yeah. My mom knew the type of person I was. I could tell.

Listen, my mom loved the restaurants. There's nothing my mom hated more was to make a scene in the restaurant. And when I was like 11, my mother poured a glass and milk over my fucking head with ice cream in it. At the fucking fancy restaurant with white people everywhere. It was like that scene in Scarface.

Everybody had tuxedos on. It was me and her at this restaurant and I wouldn't drink milk and she poured it over my fucking head. My mother didn't play, bro. And you have to pass that on to your children. You know, you have to... Hold on a shit.

Knowing that you didn't like milk. Did she hook you up and have them put a scoop ice cream in it so that it help you drink the milk? My mom did everything I could for me. I was a sickly kid, so she would constantly play with me. Oh, okay, you want strawberry fucking milk. She bought me the strawberry milk. Then she bought me the Hershey's. Remember Hershey's in those days made the strawberry and the chocolate?

Well, we went to a restaurant. Yeah, right. We went to a restaurant that didn't have the Hershey's quick. I threw a fucking fit, and I go, why don't you put the ice cream? And no, I said, give me a milkshake. The motherfucker put a scoop of ice cream in the milk So the milk was just milk with ice cream in it And I tasted it and I told my mom, mom I'm not drinking it

My mom looked at me, took the fucking glass And poured it over my head The milk went past down my little black suit And the ice cream was the last thing It sat at the top of my head And finally with the heat from my body It melted and it fell on my suit I will never forget that

I will never forget my mother beating me At a fucking park one day for not getting off the mule You know that mule that you get on and they take a picture of you. I wouldn't get off the mule the beating that lady. I remember her hit me with the fucking purse. Like 80 fucking times, bro.

So there's a sense of denial when you're a parent, but you're only creating a fucking monster. You know what that kid's like when he's 19? You know what that kid's going to be like? And then what's going to... I'm going to tell you what's going to happen. They're going to give that little faggot a BMW.

He's going to cut somebody off on victory somewhere. They're going to get out of the car. He's going to get out of the car like the world owes him something, and they're going to beat the living fuck out of him. He's going to end up in a hospital room, and that's how he's going to learn his lesson. So by his mom, not grabbing him by the fucking hair yesterday, and dragging him by the pool and making him suck the shit out of the pool.

Because if that was my son, I would have made him go in there with his hand and take the shit out of the fucking pool in front of everybody. That kid's going to run his mouth on victory, and around the corner is going to come a guy on a fucking donkey with a milkshake on his head, get off the donkey, and punch that kid in the fucking face. And punch him in the face 50 times and kick him. And while that kid's in the hospital room for six months,

wiring his jaw, drinking from a straw, that's when he's going to realize what life is about because the mother wouldn't do her job. Her parents wouldn't do her job. And I get to her job. Oh, I'll punch that fucking kid. Listen, man, yesterday was probably only, this week I think I got aggravated at the park,

twice because I see it. It doesn't start with the kid. We complain about the kids, but it's not the kids. It's the parents, man. It's the fucking parents. I go to this one park. There's a black lady. She sits on the phone the whole time. That poor little girl craves attention. She's like, Mommy, look at me. The woman looks on waves. Yesterday I got there. The little black kid was there again. I looked at my wife. Look at that black girl by the bushes. Her mother wouldn't know if she was having sex right now. The girl yearns for attention. She comes over and plays with Mercy. She's nine years old. Mercy's 17 months. Mercy's like, go away, you're creepy

bitch, because Mercy don't fucking know. She's a baby, you know? But that's it. It starts with that. She just goes to the park, tells her to run around with no shoes on, and gets on the fucking cell phone. Sure that girl's going to fucking do porno. Sure she's going to fucking do porn. If you don't know when, if you know those type of houses, you don't know when the other shoes going to drop. Like, for me, it came off a little bit when I was a

teenager and then it fucking down a little bit I could hold my shit together and then the fucking wheels came off like around 25 24 25 to 28 it was rough man I just had that chip on my shoulder I'm like I'm gonna burn the fucking world down

it's payback time motherfuckers but what you didn't realize and what I didn't realize that you realize someday that's the biggest pain is that the world don't know you dick nothing see that kid you know when you got young punk you like I'm gonna kick the world in the dick. Well, I got news for you, kid.

World don't like it when you kick it in the dick. And he won't let you. He won't let you. He'll let you kick him in the fucking shin and laugh a little bit and get a little fucking confidence. But the world don't fucking owe you dick, bro. And it's such a cold realization when you find out.

It's like this paper pen on smoking. The flip side is, God damn does the world reward hustle. It is the most forgiving place as long as you own your bullshit, then stand up like a fucking man and put your work boots on, grab a fucking shovel, and go to it. Whatever it is, whatever the metaphorical shovel is, instruction, creativity,

fucking business, entrepreneurship, tech, whatever it is. Out hustle every mother, find the hardest working motherfucker you know, and work twice as hard and see how the universe respond. It's a beautiful, and it won't reset, bro, it's like the Rolling Stones. You don't get what you want. but you get what you need. And after a couple needs, you're fucking, oh my God, this just happened. A couple weeks ago, I was at the gas station over by cold water, across New Mexican place, cold water and Magnolia. I'm just pumping gas, and I'm like, you know what?

It's about fucking time. I haven't been on a set in a couple months. I swear to God, Mick, I thought of this. I haven't been on a fucking set shooting anything in a couple months. Time for me to book something. You know two weeks later I was on the set? No shit. Just the thought of putting it out into the universe.

Sometimes just putting your thoughts out into the universe, whether it's writing them down, whether it's saying it to yourself loudly. Today I'm going to fucking stab a motherfucker in the neck. Not literally, but I'm going to go out and get what's mine. I'm going to get my lunchbox. That's it. I'm going to go home and fuck.

I didn't leave my... Fuck your shine box. It's not at home. I got my motherfucking shine box today. I got my fucking shine box today, motherfucker. Somebody's going to suck my dick. And sometimes you have to say that to yourself, and you have to believe it.

and the day goes by a lot smoother. Look at you. Look at you, bro. 20 fucking years ago, you had doubts. You didn't know what the fuck is going on. Now you're a consultant to a show on NBC. Not oxygen. Not fucking, you know, QVC.

You ever get those motherfuckers that come up to you? I'm a consultant on the show. You're on oxygen, bitch. At 2 in the morning. Nobody watches that. You might as well consult a podcast. You do a lot of fucking better. a fucking moment

I gotta tell you man I'm going back to Chicago on July 12th I'm doing an hour show and it's you want to talk about dreams coming true and not thinking I'm going back to a neighborhood that I used to

rolling and used to party and I'm doing two big shows in Chicago that I got to fucking deal you in with man is the comedians you should know and the blackout diaries the blackout diaries is like a off for drinking storage. So it's just, I'm doing one hour

because I'm retiring. I know it's been 12 years since I drank, so I'm doing an hour of my craziest drinking and using stories, July 12th at 8 p.m. at Timothy O'Toole. But it's like going home, man, like, I never thought I'd be able to go back and do a show like this. One night only, that's it.

Chicago, you listening to Cucksuckus? And then, so I'm not going to see you today, right? No, not at one, man. I got a dentist and some doctor No, I got Jitual 1130, so I wouldn't be back with my one anyway. Yeah, same thing, yeah, I'm on the other side of the hill at 1130. Now, you did Bob's coffee shop a couple weeks ago.

How was it? I got to tell you, man. I was workshopping the show. I'm doing July 12th. It was amazing, man. That place is fucking top nights. That place is top nights. You know, a little 40-seat spot, man, you know, and I ran the hour,

and that guy has musicians. there and writers and it's a little creative hubman in north hollywood i really like it i was in there about two weeks ago talking to him and uh i told him i was gonna stop by for the open mic on friday but it was too early it was 630 sign up 7 30 open mic but i'm putting diapers on watching wallie kazam at 730 so it's a tough time at the house at that time but uh i'm probably gonna stop by for the 4th of july i'll be in there this week one day we should go in there today and get some coffee Okay. It's Des Moan from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

The sales... It's amazing to see him and to talk to him. He came out and talked to my wife. They got a little pub next door to it. They got the Lemley Theater across the street from it. It's very interesting. They got your favorite, Chipotle. They got a picture of a fucking Leah Chipotle and shit with a burrito.

He's the employer the month. He don't even work there. God's sucker. So where is this thing? And how do people get tickets? This sounds very interesting. thing, brother. It's

a... It's a... It's Saturday, July 12th, 8 p.m. And it's at a bar called Timothy O'Toole in Chicago. So, uh, you can go to Mick Pettencourt.com. I'll have the link

up today. M-I-C-B-E-T-A-N-C-O-U-R-T. It's at Timothy O-O-Tools, which is at 622 North Fairbanks. Tickets are going to be 10 bucks in advance or 15 at the door. And there's no drink minimum. They'm telling you, There's two young comics going on before me that are animals that are so fucking funny telling their two crazy stories. So they'll be doing like 10, 15 minutes before me, and I'll be doing about an hour or an hour 15 at just full-blown fucking wheels off insanity.

And then that's the last time I'm telling these stories. It's been 12 years. So I'm going home. I'm telling these stories for the last time, and then I'm moving on. I ain't mad at you. I love you, Coxuck. I'll give you a call tomorrow, all right? and we'll figure something out for tomorrow,

a little coffee early or something. I'd love to see you, man. I'd love to see you. Thank you for calling, brother. It was late notice, but you know I love you. Yeah, brother, I love you too. I'll see you soon. All right, bye-bye.

What's up, Lee? Nothing. During the phone calls now, apparently, get high. Yeah, you got high in a little Gumi bear. You look good today. Let me give some shout-outs real quick. We might have another call here, so stick tight. We ain't fucking going nowhere today.

We're rocking and roll. Why didn't tell me to talk, sir? I wanted to surprise you. We got Joe Slipping over in Austin. I love you. He's got some pictures for us. Jonathan Salvanti. Whatever your fucking name is.

Salvant, I don't know. Tim Truhart. Sam Whist. Stephen Quayle always twitting in the mornings. Leon, I love you, German cocksucker. He's a little fucking Puerto Rican guy caught up by Nazis. How do you think he feels? Matt Ant and my man Chung always fucking dropping.

Chung fucking Kennedy. The king of the Chinese. This guy's uncle was a fucking tri-ant. his great-grandfather was the fucking Ming Dynasty. You don't understand? I'm going to tell you something else. I'm not doing no more fucking... When I met Lee, I told Lee I didn't like

when people did Hitler jokes. It always bothered me, you know? It always... Especially when a Jew does a Hitler joke. And I caught myself. I listened to one of the podcasts the other day, even the live one when I said that you were... Pornow King in Auschwitz.

A porno fucking king in Auschwitz, which we died about. I still think of it. Last week, I talked about it. how, you know, his fucking weak Jews. It was so weak that didn't even get invited to fucking Auschwitz. They were so weak because, you know, and I started, I got into a conversation

with a fucking smart friend of mine, not one of my fucking dummy friends or myself. And we're talking about mind comp, you know, when he wrote. And we were trying to figure out where his hatred came from, you know. And what, and we were trying to know if he just thought there was superior race, you know, and he broke it down from him.

But then he was, he gave me another book. to read about a woman that says that Jesus, that Hitler was Jewish. There's a theory going around. I forget what the lady's name was. I wrote it down a piece of paper. I'm going to order the book today. And she says that Hitler was Jewish.

His real name was William Heism or something. And he really hated the Jews. He hated himself. He hated himself so much for being Jewish, you know. It was pretty interesting chit-chat because I really didn't know. And he was telling me the things that Hitler did to these poor fucking people. And I remember hearing these things

You know, the guy I called When we were young, him and another buddy of mine With snort Coke When normal people snort Coke They talk about pussy or movies Or something that happened It's just stupid shit Him and this guy would talk history

And it used to drive me up a fucking wall Like after an hour I don't want to hear about this shit You're starting to scare me You know what I'm saying? Yeah But I didn't know what I had in front of me You know I had that tutor for the three weeks

And she worked in me for three weeks And she went back to fucking Missouri I never heard back from this, so life went out, and I'm still a dummy about history. So it was really funny listening to him yesterday. I was thinking back about him and my buddy getting coked up, talking about history for 10 hours, and me going, is this what you guys talk about? But they were so intelligent. They would talk about it in their own way.

Like it was like, that's when I really learned what it was to be. Like, I hate saying the word artist, because you read history, and then you tell it how you understand it in your own. words, you know? And he was telling me yesterday. He would tell the Jewish people that were going to go on a trip to go take a shot when he'd shoot him in there or something. He'd fucking steam him.

I mean, this was just atrocities. Oh, it's terrible, but it's kind of interesting you bring it up because I was thinking this week and I felt bad for thinking it. But did you see like an 88-year-old guy somewhere in America got arrested for being a Nazi soldier? Yeah, I saw that. And when I saw that, I was like, fuck. He wasn't like one of the lead guys. Like, I can't, like, I had relatives die in the Holocaust, but I can't imagine, like, if you're in that country and they say joining the military, and it just happens to be you join the military that's slaughtering Jews.

And then they come and get you 68 years later. Like, at 88, what's the point? Like, trust me, there's no one who feels worse about the Holocaust, but at 88, why are they... We had grandparents in the Holocaust. It was great aunts and uncles. Two great uncles passed away. They were telling me that, I mean, it was just, we spoke for like an hour. It was the other night he called.

And he could go at night, you know. He's married and he's got kids. He doesn't do blow. We just got into a simple, and he was talking about that they blame out in religion, but it's really not religion. It's like what's going on right now with the Muslims or something. Something he compared it to. And he goes, there's no difference, you know.

And I hate talking about it. about shit that I don't know about them, but we were just, I just wanted to apologize, bro, because I shouldn't say those things. It was a real, and I always thought it was a horrible time. I've always felt that, you know, and I've always felt that a lot of nationalities suffer. You know, there's bad stuff going on in DeFore right now, there's stuff going on in India, and they're fucking, and I hate getting involved in this shit in the podcast, because I'm trying to make you people leave fucking going, this motherfucker gave me hope today,

and now he's talking about DeFour and how they're just genocide and food. fucking whole. Why do you just, because I mean, it doesn't offend me at all, but why why do you care more about that than like, when you're like, I'm not racist, I just have racial tendencies. Like, to me, like, I don't have

racial tendencies, but I'm racially incensed. That's what they have. I was raised racially incensive because to show me that we're all equal. Yeah. To me, you understand me? To me, I'm racial incensive because at the end of the fucking day, we're all equal. Everybody thinks, that, that, fuck that shit.

You know, when you talk about Mexicans, you're talking about Cubans, you're talking about China. It's just a different national. This is 50 years ago, we were talking about the Irish, how they're fucking drunks and how they come over and take our work. Ten years before that, it was the fucking Italians, you know. People don't know that the Chinese people built the fucking railroads. To build a railroad, they would take a Chinese guy and strap dynamite him and throw them over the cliff to do shit that the Chinese guy wouldn't come back. Everybody has suffered. Yeah.

You know, but, and I, you know. Well, I mean, whenever I heard it, I mean, I think most people now, it didn't even occur to me that it was offensive. You know, it's 2014. If you still get offended when you hear the word spick, you need to really have a talk with somebody. No, no. And the Hitler stuff, but the Hitler stuff I was saying to you was fucked up.

Like Auschwitz, we should not be talking about Osse. Oh, you're a Jew that can't do mad. That's completely fucking different than, you know, you follow what I'm saying to you? this thing, so I'm very sorry to you and anybody else that's Jewish in the community. Except Jenny Friedman. Fuck that Jewish cocksucker with that hot little Jewish monkey. I'm going to show up on her house with

Holy Water and fucking and a Jerry's Deli fucking coupon. Oh, I saw that. It's a coupon. And she was laughing. I love Jenny Friedman. She's not even Jewish. That's what's on her Twitter fucking page. I'm Jenny Friedman, M.MA

enthusiast. And in parentheses, I'm not Jewish. Because everybody fucking tormentor and shit. Did I give the shoutouts already? Yes. All right. I didn't know what the fuck. Not to our wonderful sponsors, though. Well, we got time. We got nothing but fucking time. Time waits for no one.

But since you mention it, you know what? The idea I was in the Rogan podcast and had a great one. And afterward, we spoke about on it. After we got out of the podcast, we were talking about kettle bells during the podcast and before and then we started talking about On It. And he really said some great points. You know, he told me to read this and to read that and to really get to know what I was talking about when it came to on it because it's not a

supplement it's a optimization it's to get the best out of you know they're going to do a special release pretty soon on alpha brain to show exactly what it does they already had one report he was telling me you don't need a fucking report to get the effects of alpha brain okay you don't need a three or four five six days a fucking alpha brain you start feeling a fucking change you start feeling a lot more alert and a lot more fucking, you start thinking clearer. It helps your creativity and it helps you stay on fucking focus. You know, don't believe me. I don't give a fuck.

Do it. Try it yourself. It's a money back guarantee. First order, if it don't fucking work for you, we don't even want the product back. All right. Go to fucking joey-deers.net. Go to on it.com. I mean, AlphaBrain is just one of the many products they have that will make your fucking brain

be like a fucking flying dick. You understand me? Think of your brain like a flying dick. dick just dropping bombs or sperm on people and blowing up fucking villages you understand me that's what happens when you take alpha brain with your fucking head do i know what i'm talking about i have no fucking clue i know i've taken alpha i know when i went to buy blow there was always a idiot like uh steve bushimby all right good morning my brother well in the right mind does a fucking podcast is um jane

you fucking know i got to get up early and chase the you know me dog i'm a cuban jew i got no time to fuck around Goldberg. How are you, my brother? I'm good, brother. How are you doing? I am very proud of you, man. I'm hearing great things about your podcast. I know you had Jericho on there last week or the week before, and my friend Steve Simone is an enthusiast who met you during the shooting of the longest yard, and I just wanted to

say hello, you fuck. That's it. You know, I love you and I miss you. I appreciate that, brother, man. I'm just that reinvention. man, you know, I guess I've done a couple things in my life that are entertaining enough to where people would want to have been shared with them, so you know what the hell, man. Did you tell them the store during the longest show when you ripped the door off the trailers in the morning? How funny was that when I was next to you laughing the trailer door would come flying out of there? What was the door that wouldn't shut? There was something in your trailer

that wouldn't shut? You know, it was just, at that point, Dude, you know me. I wasn't the most pleasant human being on the planet. And I think waiting in my trailer, with people not telling me what the hell was going on, was probably the worst thing that happened to me at that point. So God only knows. Who left me in the trailer and caused that door to fly off my trailer?

I don't know. How were the children? Gage is doing good, man. We only got one little boy. He's suited up, and we're going to go take him to, a little summer camp this week, man, he's doing great. Play a little baseball, you know, being an eight-year-old, eat me out of house and home.

How old is he now? He's 80, man, just turned eight three weeks ago. God bless you, Lord. He's 6'3-225. Jesus Christ! I don't know if you know I had a little baby girl, 17-month-old at the age of 49. I took your advice and started taking care of myself. I started taking care of myself, brother.

I got off the drugs. You were very vocal when I was doing the longest yard. You wouldn't insult me, but you'd always tell me I needed to drop some weight, Joey, and I took your advice, and I went from 418 to 270. Now I'm back up to 309, I'm back in the struggle, but it was your words, brother, that always made sense because you always told me with kindness, you know?

Well, I appreciate it, buddy. At the end of the day, man, got one body and you got to take care of it, man. And, you know, we all have our vices. There's no doubt about it. But at the end of the day, man, if you've got good people around you who really care about you and who give a shit about you and just don't want to laugh alongside you the whole freaking time.

And, you know, that's what you need, man. So I'm just happy to have been there for you, brother, man. Anything I can always do to help you, man, it's, you know, it's my pleasure and my honor. And it was a, that longest yard movie was a wonderful experience, not because of the movie itself, but because of the wonderful people that I met doing it, you know. And I definitely consider you at the top of that list. You made an indelible impression upon all of the Goldbergs, man, with that time that we spent together. How's the wife?

She's doing great, kicking me in the ass every single day. There she is. Hi, Joey. To send them my love. You get me, man. It's all good, man. It's all good. Just hiding in the cave in Southern California, man, trying to make a living. I invent myself every once in a while and have a cool guest like you on my podcast. That's all I got to ask you.

Well, when I come down, I want to come down with Nick Totoro, because Nick was the one that told me Goldberg's got a podcast. We got to get on there and tell stories. We're going on the 10th anniversary. You know, he's still excited. He just finished shooting a movie in Vegas, and it was the same. same you know was dean semler and uh all those guys so he had a blast talking about the longest shirt so he would call me every couple days uh i got to work with uh the big black guy on brooklyn nine nine i got to see him and we spent the day together and we giggled i can't remember his

name now he's blowing up terry terry cruz you had him on the podcast uh yeah so i see the guys from time to time and, you know, it was a special time in my life. I didn't know what the hell was going on either. I had no idea. And I just did a movie with the director that I had Peter Siegel on the podcast twice. He put me in Grudge Match with De Niro and Stallone. That was his movie. So, yeah, the longest yard was something that was a little more than just a film, you know.

It was a bunch of guys hanging out for 17 weeks just fucking. around and I'll never forget it man no it was the best man I mean absolutely wonderful experience I mean I'm not mr. Hollywood would by any stretch of imagination I've been in seven or eight movies and you know purely by chance but at the end of the day to be involved with such a production on every level dude was an absolute honor you know not because of the fact that it was a you know they had protein shakes brought to us by girls in scantily bikinis. It wasn't because you were getting paid millions and millions of dollars.

It was because at the end of the day, man, there were a core group of guys there that really made it an experience for me. So it was something really to look back on, man, and their friendships that I got on that movie, you know, with Sadler and his guys and with you and with Nick. I mean, it was a wonderful experience. And, you know, he threw a Bob's tap out of the deal, and it was all good. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, what days do you do your podcast on? Wednesday, Thursdays when I tape up in Beverly Hills, man. I'm there just about every Wednesday, Thursday. And what days? When do you release the podcast? Every Friday. Okay. I just want people to know what the hell you're doing, brother.

You know, like I said, I'm hiding in my cage. but I stick my head out like a turd every once in a while. You know, I love what you do on Twitter. I love that you still communicating with the fans. I watch your feed, and I giggle because they still fucking love you, Goldberg. They fucking love you, these people. I don't know. I don't know what I did, man, but I'm greatly appreciative every single day

of anybody want to know what I'm doing. And you know as what I do, man. The interaction that we had with our fans is number one. For me it means a lot. Listen, Mayor, I had no idea about interaction until I learned from the wrestlers. You guys are the fucking bottom and the top of entertainment when it comes to your commitment

and how you talk to people. I watched you on that set. I watched Kevin Nash on that set. I watched Steve Austin. And one thing was, yeah, you guys had your days. But when it came to people, asking you for a hug, a headshot, a autograph, a picture.

You guys worked over fucking time. Well, I mean, mine's a different story, man. You know, I grew up wanting to play professional football, and I wanted to be the guy that everybody could go to and get the autograph and look up to and, you know, follow on their footsteps. And unfortunately, I wasn't able to do that. So I segued into the wrestling,

and that gave me the opportunity to kind of be a leader. Hey, man, Dottree and I talked about it on the show last week. If you're not, no matter how much fucking talent you got, it makes no difference to me. Talent grows on trees. At the end of the day, it's the person that's inside. And, you know, if you don't have the time to spend

with the people who puts you in the position you're in, you ain't worth shit. So that's just my feeling on it. And I like to treat people how I like to be treated. You know, it's a simple, Simple, simple idiot. Goldie, I love you. I want to be on the podcast, so please message me.

When I can go down there with Nick, when you get a chance today or tomorrow. I don't care if it's next week or the week after. I know you have a long line of people. You have to get on there, but I just wanted to fucking for you to call up today. I was just in the mood to hear your voice, and I see what you're doing on Twitter and your commitment.

I got to tell you, after 10 years, I still love you more than ever. So I know I bust your boss. I love you, too, man. It's an honor to you, you've positively affected my life, man. There's no doubt about it. I learned a lot from you, and I will continue to do so as long as you continue to get off your ass and lose weight. You got it.

I love you, man. I would appreciate that. Hey, August 9th, or no, July 9th or the following week, you and Nick in studio, I'd love it, man, if possible. Okay, hold on. Do you have any flying Jews here? You have any questions from my uncle Goldberg? Nothing? You're too high, aren't you?

Look at you. He ate an edible, Lee Syatt. He's my co-host here and best buddy in the world, and I call him the Flying Jew. He's the last of the real Mohicans. He's got the Israeli flag in front of him, and nothing you don't want to ask him, nothing about the synagogue?

Nothing. About the synagogue? I don't fucking know anything. All right, that's it. He didn't want to ask you none. I love you, Goldie, and I'll email you and we'll put this together. Love you, brother.

Thank you. Have a great day. Give the Weiss and Gabe a kiss, and I love you, buddy. Thank you for doing this. got a partner. It'd be good. You too. Yeah. That's crazy. I just... I surprised you.

I wasn't a huge wrestling fan, so I just... Now you know why I apologize to the Jews today. Because I didn't know what to ask him. I saw him in the jackass movie, and I saw him in your movie, but I didn't want to insult him by saying I'm... He's a good dude, and I'm happy he called today, guys. I want to give you guys a treat. I know that Steve Simone's a big wrestling

fan. Gabriel Lazy's a wrestling fan. and we had them all here. And, you know, guys, I hang out with people that fucking, they're just one. You're like, Joey, what the fuck you say? I don't want to hang out with people that think they're better than anybody who look down on us. And that's what I say when I talk about the racially shit, that we're all one. Who gets a fuck if they're black or yellow or purple? We goof on them.

It's a way for us to get a giggle about the Puerto Ricans. But at the end, man, we're all one fucking family. That's what I love about you guys. And that's all that. Some podcasts, we laugh our ass off. Some podcasts, I cry, some podcasts, we giggle, some podcasts, nothing happens. But at least we're here every fucking Monday and Wednesday. Right, cock sucker?

Absolutely. You look good today. I'm proud of you, Lee. See, we got to get up. See, Lee, what I do to you, Goldberg did to me 10 years ago. Yeah. And he would never embarrass me. He pulled me aside and go, Joe, you're not going to live.

I'm telling you, I've seen it before. You're going to get sick, and you're going to be in the hospital. I've got to come see you, and then I'm literally going to knock the fuck out of you. Just take care of yourself. We all have to be better. the friends to ourselves, man. You know, because of you fucking people, I don't drink soda no more.

Not because of you. Because every day when I get in my fuck, when I go home, there'll be a tweet, Joey, you're killing yourself with that diet soda for breakfast. I learn from you guys. So we learn from each other, motherfuckers. We got each other's back. This is the only podcast that we got each other's backs, okay?

You got a fucking problem. You email me at joeydeers.net, and we'll work it out. If I can help you, I can't call you. and tell you my life story, but let's see if we can put our fucking heads together because me and Lee learn from you, motherfuckers. Lee, right?

Sometimes people say something on Twitter. It's kind of offensive, but it makes a fucking, they care about this. Fuck you. I like when people say things that are, there's a way to say things, there's a way not to say things, okay? Cocksuckers, that's it. That's what I want to tell. We're talking about on it.

It's optimal optimization. You're going to be the best you can be. Your bones hurt, take strong bones. Stretch. I forgot how important stretching is. and fucking water. I stretched yesterday and I feel great. I stopped going to yoga about six months ago and that's my problem. I'm walking around so all the time because my body got used to that stretching. Stretch, take care of yourself. Everything that you do helps out at the end. I'm 50.

I wouldn't fucking lie to you motherfuckers. The fuck with all that shit. Go to audit. Go to the box. Press in. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. Whether it's the strong bone, whether it's the shroom tech sport, whatever the fuck you want to give it a time. There's a complete money-back guarantee on the alpha brain. We're not fucking around. Give it a shot, okay? I'm not here to bust your balls. I was never here to bust your balls. It's the same with Dollar Shave Club. All right, it's father's day's gone. What are you going to do now?

Joey, I don't know. Well, this is what you're going to do. You're going to go to Dollar Shave Club.com. You're going to look at the options they have. They've got post-shaved stuff. They've got pre-shaved stuff. They've got a tremendous service that gets mailed to your house. Do you know what that means? That means you don't leave your fucking house for UGatz.

Nothing. You got no purpose. You're stoned, boom. Your razes come to the fucking house. month in and month out on the date you want them. Let's say you don't want four fucking blades a month. Let's say you're not that dick and you only want two. They'll do that also for you.

It's a dollar a month, $6 a month or $9 a month. That's a deal, even the $9 a month, which comes out to be... 108. 108 a fucking year. You know what a 108 a year is? If you go for the fucking pharmacy, wherever you go to... It's $25 for blades. $20, $1895 for a pack of...

Fuck all that. Uncle Joey's going to take care of you today. Dollar Shaveclub.com. Go to joeydeers.net. Go to the box and press in. Church. Church. You don't have to wait on lines. You don't have to fucking... What do you need?

You need a razor with a swivel on it, new chugs and water and a finger that stick up your ass. All you need is two blades and some fucking shaving cream. And you can look like fucking Clark Gable before the operation. You understand I'm trying to say to you. They have a $1.1 package, which is four blades a month. Just single, but at least you're shaving. And it's not a prison razorie.

heavy handle and the blades are real they sharp you're gonna get cut nice for six dollars you get the double blades very nice with a little fucking thing on it you shave six dollars a month six dollars a month that's 702 dollars a year for nine dollars you get a double blade with the alo strip to soothe as it fucking shapes you're not gonna get there nowhere else I'm not reading off nothing I'm telling you people from my fucking how do I know because I use this fucking motherfucker I'm telling you I'm blown away nine dollars six dollars and I'm messing with you people no more

Shaveclub.com. What do they press? The press shirt. Church. And you get mailed to your house. To your house, bro. No more fucking around. All right. I'm not going to get back at you with this shit. Hulu Plus. Again, I can't tell you how important Hulu Plus is. You know why? Because I've been sitting there and I'm thinking about what Ray

Canella told me. And I'm thinking that fuck this fucking cable service. Why do I need cable service? When I got Hulu Plus to help me? I can watch fucking popular shows. I can watch the Daily Show. I could watch, I mean, I was telling you the scandal. Scandal? Skandle.

Fuck scandal. Who watches fucking scandal? Some people of girls do. Sesame Street scandal. What fucking girl comes to my house and watch scandal? A fucking stabber. You got family guy. You got a new girl.

You got all Jim Hanson. You got all these fucking shows. I mean, sometimes I sit here and I look at this list, and my mind goes fucking bananas. You got the blacklist. You got Law & Order Special Victims Unit. You got fucking Nashville. You got the Mindy Project.

You got community. I don't know why you'd watch that fucking. show you got fucking the haunted Hathaway's you got the dinosaur you got tough puppies you got fucking documentaries I mean shark tank Jimmy Kimmel Live blacklist

Marvel agents of Shield the tonight show starring Jimmy Fallon and you can watch on any fucking device you can watch on your smart TV your rocool your Apple TV your Xbox your PlayStation your wife's asshole this motherfucker come up everywhere cut the shit you save fucking thousands of year

it's $7.99 a month. Not only that, that's if you're a regular mook off the street and you're watching it off TV. That's what they give you on the TV. When you listen to the fucking church of what's happening now, you get what? You get two weeks for free. Say it again. Two weeks.

He's Jewish. He's Jewish. He loves saying that. Two weeks for free. Two weeks for free. Go to Huluplus.com. You're pressing Joey. Joey into the box. Start your membership today.

Get two weeks for free. Gratis. On the fucking. And after that, it's $7.99 a month to watch all the shows you're going to fucking watch anyway. Forget all that of this shit. You're paying too much. Cut this shit, okay? And this is for my special motherfuckers.

EscapeBotank.com. Everybody wants to be a hippie. Everybody wants to be creative. Everybody wants to get thoughts of fucking death and life. Well, here you go. I'm offering you this one. Not me. Escape podtank.com. The fucking leader in flotation tank devices across the fucking country, they deliver.

They got financing available. I got 1,800 number. You call Jeremy or answer all your fucking questions, okay? They got you just a fucking tank model. You got $150 off just that, just a tank. They got commercial models, residential models, they'll ship them to your house, they'll save you. Listen, I've heard from people already, testimonials.

They save $2,300 on a fucking tub for their house. $2,300. $2,300. I'm always saving you money, guys. Okay? I'm trying to save you money from day one. That's the number one thing. money in your pocket, Guitus.

That two grand liquid, if I save you $2,300, you'd buy an ounce of weed, and you take $2,000, you put in the bank at what percent a month? How much interest? 2%. It ain't a lot of money, but at least it's better than fucking spending it, okay? Call fucking escapoddank.com. Go to their website, escapoddank.com.

Pick a fucking tank for your house. Shop it. I don't give a fuck. They're a leader, a leader, and they're going to save you money. You got a problem? call my man Jeremy in the 800 number. There's no fucking problems here. Who had problems? I don't know.

I thought you had a fucking problem, Cox sucker. I didn't know you felt so strongly about the scandal, but that's a separate issue. I don't even know what scandal is. It's me either. I don't know. So we had Goldberg calling today. We had Mick Kemp in today,

and they gave you the same fucking message. Who gives a fuck? Get up there. Listen, this podcast is about one thing. It's about letting you know that nobody's fucking better than you. We all got it on this fucking planet with the same shit. You got cock, a pussy, some tits, are smiling, your fucking heart.

Go out there. Ain't nobody better than you. Fuck these motherfuckers. If I can get on TV, you could do anything. Okay? You fucking dummies? You heard it right here. If I could get into a movie, that means you, motherfuckers that are three times smarter than me can do whatever the fuck you want

with your lives. Don't believe the hype. I ain't better than you. I got a fucking fungi toenail. I ain't better than you. You know what I'm saying? I got problems too. Get up. Be a fucking American and the shit. Stop with your fucking excuses. There's community colleges. There's colleges for dummies.

There's IT. Everything. You don't have to be a fucking mutt the rest of your life. Pick up that paper. When you go to a coffee shop, take the cup with you and throw it in the fucking garbage. That makes you better than if you had a million dollars in the bank. You understand me? That's all I got to fucking say today. That's it. What time is it? I got shit to do on people to see.

What is it? It's game time. Game time. That's right. Get up. Wash your pussy. Shine your shows. You want to be. shine your shoes. You want to look good when you get out there. What are your plans for the rest of the day, Aristotle? Right now, sleep this off, go to the gym later, hopefully. You're not sleeping this off.

I'm dropping you off at 24. I'm going to follow you 24-hour fitness. I even told my wife, you've got to get hired. You've got to work out one time in this condition. It's good for you. You got earphones? Yeah. That's it.

I'll wait for you. No, that's okay. We're going to go to the gym. Or we go to the park and walk. I, what, Lee, what? This is what you need to do. The morning time. This is good.

I know I like the morning time. Well, then right from me, you're in North Hollywood Park, and you take a walk with the blind people. There's people there with sticks. You tell them good morning, you feel good about yourself. There is. There's always people in the morning with sticks. They fucking walk around there.

They're nice people. What are they doing with sticks? They're blind. What the fuck you think I'm talking about here, Char. I don't know. I thought they just walking around the park is with sticks. You say I got to put up with people. I'm a fucking giggling, fucking Jew is 735.

8. It's a beautiful day. to be alive. I love you, Cucksucker. Stay black. We'll be back tonight at 8 p.m. with a special edition, Don Marrera, since we're going to be at the Ice House Friday and Saturday. Then July 10th, I'm at fucking San Jose.

Lee's coming. And then July 18th. I'm in Vegas. Lee's coming. And then July 25th and 26th. I'm in Reno, Nevada, at the fucking Pioneer Center. Don't fuck around. I only got three shows up there. Don't fuck around. We're going to have a good time in Reno. Lee's not coming to Reno. What else, Cucksucker? of the park after this. No home and

no sleep. Boy, no fucking Hawaiian ice for you today. Oh, that was so good. That's right. You could actually get shaved ice. Joey showed it to me. It was really good. That's right. I turned them onto shaved ice over by cold water. Because snow cones suck because they're really hard, but shaved ice. Oh, delicious. You get the cherry with the coat.

And the small one, we found it. Under 100 calories. It's under 100 calories. So I went yesterday. Under 100 fucking calories. So I'm here. Always! I'm here for you, motherfuckers. Also, I want to give a shout out to a beautiful fucking company hit with the hit 1200 they sent me a fucking e-pen I'm gonna call them up later very nice of e-cigrap I just been smoking it all week

what are you gonna do things are bad all over stay black have a great day see you tonight eight o'clock Pacific 11 o'clock East Coast time with Domorever and then tomorrow and I'll be your co-hosting on off the rails with Josh Bull so I'll see you time cock's up at 8 o'clock I love you stay black As of the shows are over and don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus has you binge on thousands of hit shows. Anytime anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus.

When you go to HuluPlus.com slash Joey or go to JoeyDiaz.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for Dollashaveclub.com. Get high-quality rages sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to Dollar Shaveclub.com forward slash trance. or just go to joey dyes.net.net.Benor. Thank you to on it.com. Go there and use the code word church to get 10% off all your supplements and thank you to escapepot tank.com. Go there. Mention Joey Diaz or the church or the hive find you and save 250 off of your sensory deprivation

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