The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #190 - Joey Diaz, Dom Irrera and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: June 25, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by Comedian Dom Irrera in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 06/23/2014.

This show is sponsored by NatureBox, where you can order great tasting, healthy, snacks right to your door. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like Santa Fe Corn Sticks and French toast, granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of the first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com, promo code Joey. This podcast is also brought to you by Onit.com.

Go there for all your supplements and battle ropes and for 10% off of supplements, use the corporate church. And go to NailedItLife.com for the premier vapor pen on the market. You can use wax and oil. Mention Joey Diaz and get 20% off. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Dropping on you cock suckers on a Monday night. This is McCarthy after the fucking Beatles.

When he said, Yoko, suck my dick, it's over. I'm starting my own fucking family. I'm like the fucking Gambinos. It's over. And this is what he came up with right here. And if you look at the album cover, I was telling my main man, Dom Herrera and Lee Syatt, if you look at the fucking.

album cover. Let me tell how much power Paul McCartney had. James Coburn's on the album cover. Listen to him, dropped this. Are you fucking kidding me? This is the eighth grade finger banging the chick behind a church right here. This Joey Diaz at the C.Y.O. Basketball, dancing slow with them and shit, breathing on their fucking neck. The priest is watching you. The nuns are watching you. But you don't give a fuck, Jack. My dick is harder to dick. I'm getting something tonight. A hand job. I'm sucking a tip. Something.

I don't give a fuck about the priest. I brought a half a pint of blackberry brandy. Somebody's sucking my dick. I don't give a fuck if it's a janitor. Don't look over here. Oh shit. Here we go, people. Listen to this shit.

I'm teaching you, motherfucker, or something. You guys listen to Chris Brown. Listen to this shit. You can break out the fucking reef or the bazookas. Get a Taliban, stab him in the fucking neck. We're going deep tonight. I don't give a fuck. Oh shit.

Go Lee. Wiggle for Uncle Joey. A little something. It's Monday night, cock's a second. Oh, shit. See, you're sitting there thinking, what's going to happen next? Oh, shit. Are you fucking...

Cut that fucking thing leave before I have to go pick up a $10 bag of heroin here. Dom Herrera in the house, Lee Syatt. What's happening, Uncle Bill? Joey Dears. It's great to have you on a Monday night. Fuck it, a special edition. Well, thank you, my brother. You're good man.

You've been out on the road, banging it. It's still out there. I flew over 30,000 miles in the last couple months. The whole world's only 24,000 miles. You know what I did it, Joe? For them. You're a bad. The people, the little people, the scum and the vermin who can't write

and have to come and suck off our tail and bastards. 30,000 miles, like, what would you do in the back sitting there eating tuna fish sandwich is a fucking Pakistani people breathing on you, taking their sandals off, rubbing their fucking no-cream feet in your feet? fucking area, what would you do with? That sounds terrible. It's a very loaded question. Tremendous.

Oh, fuck. We're at the ice house this week. Dom Herrera and myself and Leo be up there fucking around and we figured we'd do a Monday thing just so everybody. Second annual, right? Yeah, you did it last year.

Yeah, we did last time this time. Fuck yeah, the week before the 4th of July. Yeah, I did that kill tone the other night and I plugged that you and I were going to be there. I heard that you fucking ripped it up. Oh, I don't know. Even Rogan said that he goes,

Don Marrera, Joe. He was in his own fucking environment. He goes, once he knows he has him, it's good night, Irene. He goes, and he's a slow. He goes, if that was like a choke, he would have had him for nine minutes. He goes, he's like a slow choke. He goes, he's just fucking, but it's a fun show. It's fun, yeah.

Tony's a good kid. Red Band's a good kid. Doing a good fucking job with it. We should do it together sometime. Yeah, it was Friday I had to do something. It was right in the middle there. You guys did that eight or something? Ten.

Ten, because I never made it. back and that's why he's gonna get now you gotta be there at fucking 10 you know so you ever see any of the killed tonies yeah yeah they put it up on like YouTube so I've watched a couple you like them yeah it's fun it's fine watch the one with uh Tom

Segarra and Bertwin on there that's pretty funny and the comics are bad are they good they're so bad they're good they're so bad they make me laugh and they go up do material and you just admitted of material yeah one guy his whole bit was on Forrest Gump I said way to keep your finger in a

pulse of what's that happening today. What about that Gone with the Wind? That was a movie, huh? He's still fucking Faris Gumpet. And it was pretty good, and it would have been great 20 years ago. It's amazing. It took him a while to write that bit, I guess.

20 fucking years. He's a perfectionist. It's amazing, Don, to close your eyes and to think when you were doing that, a minute, two minutes. I remember looking at Larry Miller and he did 20 minutes. He'd go, how do fucking anybody remember 20 minutes? You know what I mean? Because, like,

you start now it's like oh my god because you start out with five minutes actually I started out with an hour I told I'm kidding I told Joe I told Rogan he goes well when you started I said well my first set was on a tonight show then I went downhill from there wow I'm kidding Joe

I know I believe I'm just I did three minutes what was your first joke you remember I had two jokes that I remember hit me one was my father loved home when I was in second grade. Never cheated on my mother. My mother used to cheat on me. Pick up other kids after school, take them to the zoo, take them to play ball. One day he came to me, he says,

look down him, I got a little with you. I met another kid. For the first time of my life, I feel like a real father. That was one, and the other one was, I said that it's barmaid, barmaid, bartender. I said, why's come out with me tonight? She goes, I don't know. I said, listen, I guarantee any woman three screaming orgasms tonight. I don't know what she does, but I scream like a bitch in heat. But if the fourth, time my throat gets dry. That was my set. And I built from there, Joey. How about you? What's your first? Do you remember?

Something about Godzilla. The Godzilla made a comeback. Something about the Hudson River, something fucking stupid. I don't know one time I saw, in the Daily News, I saw something about, and I really saw this, about a boat full of Puerto Ricans hit the dock at the west side, whatever. And that's when I was doing comedy at the beginning. I remember going something about,

a boat full of Puerto Ricans hit the dock. That's nothing. God only fucking knows. God only knows. Did you start in New York? I started in Denver. I didn't know that. I started at the comedy works. With Wendy?

With Wendy. That's the first time I did. You still do it? No, I'm banned. I'm banned. You're banned? Why? Because when I first started...

It's really interesting because... They didn't let the band go? What is this? What are you, Pete Rose? No, it's a corporate band. I'm like, I'm like Pete Rose. I started in Denver, and then I clicked around Denver, June, July, August, September.

And then in Boulder, they did a contest called the Boulder Broker, was sponsored by Bex Beer. That's when there was a lot of contest and regional contests and national contest. Who was the other one? Who was the big one they did? Johnny Walker. Oh, did they? Johnny Walker did one.

You were way beyond that shit. You were way beyond that shit at that time because I remember going down to Denver and seeing the local guys, Todd Jordan. Who was the guy with the hook? Roger Rittenhouse. He was a good writer. Good, great writer. Still around.

Still writing for somebody. I know that. He's either writing for Larry the Cable guy. He's doing something. That guy's always got his hand. He's always got his hook and something that fucking guy. What is his hook? But he's a, bro.

He's a good guy. He was out here for a woman. Yeah, he's a good guy. He's a really good guy. So I just went to Denver first. Then I did the contest in Boulder, but they had a magician. Domery, they had a magician who was the worst magician ever. Not only was his skills bad, but he had no personality, communication skill.

Even the birds would leave. Like, they would disappear for good. Like, fuck you. They would leave him. And one day I went to the management, and I go, listen, I'm fucking 25, 26 or some shit. Nah, maybe. Yeah, I was 27, 28. I was long on the tooth.

I go, look, this fucking guy's bringing four people. They were down to a steak in comedy night. 1495, a prime rib steak from the, broker, which is world-fucking class and comedy. Sundays, they did two prime rib, no, two movies in a prime rib. Packed! Packed! Nobody knew nothing.

Nobody sued them. Every Sunday they had a different theme. Charles Bronson something. And you went and ate a prime rib with pajamas on. They had couches in there. It was fucking Primo, this place. I said, you got a hip place. You got a fucking magician. That's terrible. Let me go in there. And I fucking

started going in there on Tuesdays. I won the contest. They made me the house and see and I would have to go up every Tuesday with new material down because I had the same regulars eat the steak. That's a good way to grow. They went to eat the fucking steak. That's all they cared about. So my goal

wasn't even to make them laugh. My goal was just to make them pop their head up. To glance at you Yeah, you don't know what it is to do comedy when people are looking at a fucking steak and enjoying it. So I had to be funnier or better than the fucking steak. It took me six months to figure that out.

It wasn't like, I was like, what the fuck? They don't even look at me. I got to be funnier than just to make you, you know. I did a gig where they were playing backgammon at the front, like right in front of the stage. Fucking playing back. People shushed me. I'm concentrating.

I'm fucking trying to make them laugh. Horrible. You really, it really is a point when you're doing comedy. It had to be like a 98th of me when I realized that this was just fucking crazy. That it was just crazy. What I was living, what I was doing, the belief system I had. I never knew I would be nothing. I just thought I would be a traveling comic.

I always remember you being good, though, because I would watch you at the comedy store when you first started getting main room spots. And I'm not saying that like the Sammy Maudlin show, just as trokey, but I never saw you bad. I had a hard time. I had a hard time, but this was... I didn't see it. No, no, this was following you. Following you, I always tell Rogan that my education at the store, that, you know, no matter what happened, I love Mitzi Shaw because she was a genius.

She knew how to develop people. Yeah. And there was a lot of times when I wanted to quit because she would put, I either had to follow Dom or ever. I just said the fucking kid's name at Joe Rogan's last Wednesday. The black kid with dreadlocks. Black kid with what? Dreadlocks. That was very clean.

Oh. And he was very likable. And that was on the weekend. That was on Fridays and Saturdays. From fucking Tuesday to Thursday. Not Jamal. Jamar, yeah, yeah, Jamal. AJ Jamal?

He was good, yeah. And then from Tuesday to Thursday, she'd have me up there with fucking Mooney at midnight. So I was at 1220, which really meant 10 after 1. Yeah. 120, you know, an hour behind schedule. How hot was the store then, though? How hot was it when you first got there?

How hot was the evolution? Nobody could, you know, you look at pictures now. Somebody gave me a Kennison book. Red Band gave me me. He goes, he had two of them, and he gave me one. And the other day, I was just, I got to pack this to read this on the plane. This is a six-hour fucking flight, you know, and I opened it up. I saw some of the pictures, and it was the comedy story. Makes me sad. It's rough.

Really? Yeah, Sam, I love Sam. Crazy as he was. I could never hang with him because I could never be part of a posse. But individually, like around the club, we used to have a ball. He was a good dude. you know he had his fucking demons but he had a heart you know it's amazing what went on there oh it's crazy a lot of gun play and fucking great porn stars and bob seger and joanie mitchell

just to like it was i was i did the longest yard and it was very fortunate that every once in a while somebody would come over to me and say i would tell you night about the comedy store and i'm talking about from bert reynolds to dom del louise said something to me when day burt reynolds brought Dom DeLuis and Bert I loved, I didn't know Burr Reynolds, but I did his roast. Yeah. He did his roast, but I didn't really know him.

But Dom DeLuiz, I knew well. Funny, motherfucker. They were talking about going to the store. Bert Reynolds was telling me, one night they knocked him the door and it was Willie Nelson with a fucking guitar. He goes, here we are at the fucking store at 5 in the morning,

and William Nelson's playing a fucking guitar. No. You know, Willie fucking Nelson, in 1980, whatever. But, you know, when you sit there, you hear these stories that Andy Garcia was a doorman. Yeah. Or answered the phone. Andy was in the improv group there.

When did you get? I got there in 86, I think. I walked into that place the first time ever in 1997, January 29th and 1997. Oh, I thought you were there earlier. No, I walked into the store. It was a Monday night, and the first person I seen walking out was Eddie Griffin and the black kid from the dress. the Dragon movie, The Shogun of Harlem.

You ever see that movie, The Last Dragon? It's a fucking classic. It's a black martial arts spoof with the chick that was Dayton Prince. And he was there, and my tongue just fucking dropped. Eddie Griffin used to be a doorman there, and remember when he used to do those really long sets?

He would say, like, it would just state the obvious. It would always make me laugh. Like, here we go, you know what we got to do the kids in Compton stop giving them guns and knives and give them papers and pencils and books educate them like who's gonna

fucking disagree with that oh fuck education give him more guns who gives kids guns anyway you remember him like going on and on four hours I'm going up you know you went you always book things I was always taught to book things

and then end up at the store so I would book Felipe as far as his room or Willie Barcena's room, somebody always had a $50 room or $35.00 room that you drove out, they gave you a few tacos. Right.

You'd talk shit. You had 1115 at the store. And before you went up, even if this show was late, let's say a Wednesday night. So I would have an 815 at the improv, and then I had 9.30 at Felipe's place, the taco place.

It was 40 bucks in the dinner. I knew that that show was always going to start late, but I'd have an 1145 at the store. Before I even walked into Felipe's place, I would call the store and go, what's going on there? And they're like, don't even worry about it. Dice and Eddie Griffin are here. You know, that means like don't even come down. No. But...

How do you know when you're ready to start doing that? Because, like, what if I get some open mickees started doing two hours? No, no, no, no. It would never work. They'd shoot them. But when those days, when Andrew, who else, Mooney was bumping, there was a couple people that had the green light. You were bumping. Were you not to bump? I never bumped. You're never bumped.

You're by the books. No, I don't. I don't do that. You know, it's a cold-blooded thing. The Wayan brothers were bumpers at the store. If I had to go on, I would ask somebody ahead of me, can I do five because I'm doing a TV show or something? I never did that to people. You know why? Because it was done to me. And it sucked. And I remember the feeling

your fucking heart's pounding because you're about to go on. And then somebody, they introduce somebody else. And they go, can you wait five minutes? he's doing something. Then they'll tell you they're only going to do seven minutes and they end up doing 35 fucking minutes and you're sitting back.

Paul Rodriguez did that to me once at the imprive. They do it all the time. He said, I'm just going to do five but he was doing well so he did 25. Thanks, Paul. That's what I get for doing your favor. I mean, it always comes down to that where they run it.

I could never do that to something. I came up in Denver which he'd give you a light three minutes. At three minutes, if you didn't get off, don't even call there for two or three months. Don't even fuck me. call there. And that's, I always thought you had a respect to comic in front of you. I always thought you had to respect the comic behind you. If you're destroying the room and you go six

over, I'm not going to be mad at you. But if you have a 20 minute spot and you do 92, and any Griffin would do three and Dice would do one and a half. But he was like speak, it was like public speaking and like free association. It was like comedy. And people sitting there and for four hours later. Well, I always wondered that when they give you the light, is it like do one more joke? Because, like, people who... No, you see the light go on and then they do like five more minutes. Well, no, the light... What's it, Joe, about three more minutes?

Three minutes. It's a guide. It's a guide to let you know to wrap it up. Once you get that light, you start thinking about the bit that's three fucking minutes. Plus the minute you're going to fiddle fattle and you get the fuck out of it. And that's mutual respect. That's something that has nothing to do really with comedy. It has to do with your mother toy.

your father taught you, respect your friends, whatever, it's the same fucking thing, you know. And I see, hey, bro, I've been there. You're in a fucking different mindset. You tried that joke, the energy's with you.

Run with it, motherfucker. But for you to be bombing, we've seen people that started off great for 28 minutes. Yeah. In the last 20, the last hour, it's just public speaking.

What do you expect it to kick in? And just public speaking. I was up there one night in the very beginning, and it was, I liked him, the gay guy, that Louis Anderson put on as a talent coordinator.

That was my first talent coordinator. He's in Africa now. He loved me and I loved him. I really did. He's a gay guy? I used to bring him, he was a boozer. Tremendous. Oh, Stephen?

No, no. No, because I was there for Corey Cuomo and then before Corey, it was the kid from Boston, Kelly. that I just worked with. Frank Kelly. What's not Kelly? Danny Kelly.

But before Danny Kelly, there was a talent coordinator. That's who passed me. And I never giving him a bottle of fucking tequila one day in the morning. And I went up there at night to do my spot. And he was like, I killed that fucking bottle. Thank you. And he had in his jaw.

What the fuck? And he still writes me Facebooks twice a year. He did not like Joe Rogan. Did not like Joe Rogan, that talent coordinator. And what happened was. I was there the night that Dice wanted to throw out Mike Marino and Luca Polanka. Why? Because he said they were stealing his act.

So he actually had the talent coordinator up there at 11 o'clock at night. Luca Palenka won up first. They didn't know they were getting set up, Luca and Mike Marino. They were up there doing their spot. And the talent coordinator, Dice, and somebody was with Dice in the back, and Dice is yelling. Look at them. They're doing the act. They're doing my act.

And he's going, I cannot throw him out of here. They're not doing your jokes. And I remember that Dice, I never had a conversation with Andrew, never before that. And he walked over to me and he goes, hey, you listen to this. What do you think about this? Are they doing my material? And I go, when people start in comedy, they do somebody else's patois until they find their own. That he's not stealing from you.

It's like a compliment. I tried to explain to him that once they figure out who they are, then you'll slip away from their lives. But for right now, you know, and whatever, I agree with him or not, he never spoke to me after that until about a week later. And he goes, I thought about what you said. But that talent coordinator, I was the first guy I had. Who did you have?

You had all of them. You had all the classic ones they talk about. There was one girl who was talent coordinator, and she ended up kind of, I don't know if she, like, lifted a club from Mitzie and Hawaii or something, but she was running the club in Hawaii and then she took it off of Mitzie because Mitzie couldn't get back and forth and that was, I forget her name.

I don't know who I mean, I remember what Duncan did it. Duncan Trussell. He was a town coordinator, yes. Duncan Trussell was a talent coordinator at the store and he was very good. And he never told me he was doing stand-up. Then I go in the original room one night

and he's in there doing a ventriloquist act, real funny, real dirty. I think of why? He never even fucking mentioned it to me. He's, uh, yeah, he was a time. He's smart, man. He replaced Danny Kelly. He was the phone guy.

So in those days, the national, he replaced Corey Cuomo. Duncan replaced Corey Cuomo. Cory Cuomo would. Oh, Corey, the one who married Freddie. Freddie, Princess Corey. Right. I didn't know who he meant by that last name. Corey Cuomo and then Pramon, once she stopped, Duncan took her spot.

Then Tommy took Duncan's job. That's the evolution of the talent court. So the guy who was answering the phones got from order to making the entire lineups? Yeah. It's pretty crazy. But he had to approve it with missing. Right, but he has to sell the names. So who called in for Monday?

This guy, this guy, this guy, this guy. All right, put him here. Oh, okay. Put him 1115. Fuck him. Fuck him. You know. She had no grace.

She hated or loved. Yes, she did. Dom, I want you to be more Italian. She bought me black shirts to wear in Vegas. You should be more, you're Italian, you wear black. She sent Jackson Purdue back, fired him from a gig. We were playing basketball. I said, I thought you were in Vegas.

She sent me home because I wasn't the right color for the, you know, my aura. He said my aura wasn't the right color. She wanted a lavender aura, and his was like deep blue. How far? Right. How about how much that controlled our lives, Joe, getting spots? It was such a big deal, you know? I can't even imagine being down there with Kettison and you and Jimmy Schubert.

Well, Schubert was a kid then. A kid. Roseanne, Sam, very good shows. A lot of people were doing television. You know, it was a really exciting time there. Then there was really a dearth of talent for, like, like about eight years. Nobody good.

Now there's a bunch of good guys. You know? I mean, where do you go in town? I know you go to the ice house, but where else? In the ice house, I'll drop into flappers. I'll stop at John Lovitz during the week. If I go on the road, I don't have the energy Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, to be out banging like I used to.

Yeah. You know, I can go out seven nights a week, you know, three shows a night. If I leave at 4 in the morning, Thursday morning, you know, I'm done, Tom. The two podcasts, this guy's podcast. See, a young buck like me, I'm out there. You're out of there every night. Almost, yeah. Every night, I love it.

And there's some weeks, like this week I'm out a couple nights. You're out some nights more than others. Next week I'm out a bunch of nights. Then after that, I got three weeks in a row, so I think I have like two Tuesdays or something like that. I look forward to working with you this weekend. Oh, no, we're going to have a good time at the ice. house. When I first got here,

I can't be, I can't lie to you. I was very selfish about the ice house. They used to say, what the fuck I'm going to drive the Pasadena for? Yeah, that's the only downside of it. I got the lab factories a half a mile from my house. Right. I was like, what the fuck I'm going to drive the fucking Pasadena for? I'm going to drive the fucking Pasadena for.

The Rudy would call me and then they would call me for dirty shows. I did it because of Rogan. Yeah. Rogan was calling me to do his Wednesday night show. And look what it's become. It's become a great little room. Oh, yeah. Those two rooms, the stage two.

When we first did the stage two, we had nine people. Oh, yeah, for the... Even before, Tessical Testaments when you were doing your one-man show. We had nine people on a Wednesday night there. How many? Nine people. Oh, my God. Wednesday nights are tremendous up there.

Now we're in the big room. Now we're in the big room. You know, we started, we kept doing the podcast. It's amazing what this has become. You know, I wish, in many ways, I wish we could have done this at the store, but that was another time. another place for me, you know, a lot of place and a lot of people. Well, they bet on the wrong horse with Joe

because they could have made a lot of money with Rogan there, too. But, you know, they had the thing with Carlos and all that, you know, the whole story. It's funny because I took that very personally, and I stopped going. Like, I was like, you know what? What really happened was about two or three months before that. I was in there, and I went upstairs to pick up a checker when I came down, Mitzie was sitting there, and I said something to her, but I heard her say something

as I was walking down the stairs about somebody I don't know who she was talking about I know that she was answering somebody like Tommy right and just her reply sounded so fucking evil there was a time there always comes a time in somebody's life

where you see them for what they are and you either choose to hang with them after that or choose not to hang with them after that and that was the first time I was like she's fucking crazy oh do you want to do my show Wednesday night? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay, I'll put you in.

Absolutely. It's called Breaking Balls with Dom Rera, the Laugh Factory. I love it. 8 o'clock, Wednesday night. Wednesday, I'll definitely be there. You want to go on around 9, right? 9 o'clock.

All right. That was the first time ever that I got hurt by Mitzie Short. Listen, when I got here, that was my dream. Comedy Store's your fucking dream, you know, I didn't even know about the Lafactor. I knew about the Improval. Right, well, Laugh Factory wasn't nearly as hot then. No, it wasn't the hot.

They grew. They probably have the most... They probably make the most money in the city now. Yeah, that's the hot club. That's the hot club. I'm happy you're a fucking part of it. You're a savage. But I did the improv in the comedy story.

No, I know you do it. Jamie don't give a fun. No, I know you do it. I like all three clubs. The only reason I don't do the improv as much because there's an extra half mile with drive. It's how fucking lazy I've got. If I could do stand-up from my house and a hammock,

I would love that. How great to have, like, a room with different sets. Yeah. Like the improv set. the comedy store set some obscure set like a bar with like a bum sleeping you just pop in like how you doing Wednesday night

direct from the... That could be the fucking future. I did the comedy store in Sydney. That's weird. I do the comedy store in London. Guy in London said to me, I said you copied her exactly. He goes, what's you going to do? Sue me? He says, I'm in London. I don't give a fuck. Oh, all right. Nice. You couldn't create your own comedy bash,

whatever, make something else up? Does it look exactly like it? Yeah, it looks exactly like the original room, only it's tiered. It's black with the white trim and that's, yeah, it's exactly like that. The one in Australia does not look like it. But it is weird to be working three comedy stores. Because I'm a comedy whore, Joey. You know, Dom, and at the end of the week, you just work in a room.

Yeah. You're just work in a room. Once you take away the fucking lights. and the two drink minimum. You're just basically working a room. You know, it's a great room. I don't do many impromes. You ever did the one in Hollywood?

Yes, I just did it this summer. Isn't that great? Nice room, nice people, nice. Yeah, I love that room. For a casino. I'm doing it in August. Yeah, I like the. But I did the casino too,

but I mean, I'm talking about the improv there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Jake Johansson and I did the, when Tammy Vasquistel, we did the casino, which was nice. and they work together so it's not a conflict but the comedy club itself is one of the best

I've ever been to There's some great clubs You know where I'd like to get you in With that And this is not just about plugging my date The Tropicana in Atlantic City How is it? It's great

It's 2,000 seats I'm not talking about the comedy club I'm talking about the showroom But you'd love it You know because they I mean I'll put in a word Is it still Bob Gabbard? No no

That's the comedy club. I don't work with him. But the casino itself, fucking great. So what does Bob Kephard still at? I just threw that name. He has the comedy stop. Does he have one in Vegas also?

He used to. Now Jamie has it. Now that's the Laugh Factory. And Brad Garrett moved across the street. He's got a great club. You ever do that one? No. Fucking fun and most beautiful waitresses.

I'm doing, well, I know the, My buddy is the manager at the Laugh Factory in Chicago. Oh, that's a good thing. Ryan Morton is his name. Yeah. Good kid. Really nice young kid, real comedy fan.

He says on his Fridays and Saturdays are doing great with no-name talent and stuff. So Chicago's a great comedy city. Yeah, as long as you put something else good there. It's funny, Dom, I, you know, and I think I told you on the podcast before, I'm sitting here across from you, and that Rodney tape that you're on along with you. all those other guys, but basically you probably saved my life. It probably saved my fucking life. Wow, that's heavy.

It saved my life. When I saw that, at least I knew there was hope for me as a human being. And at that time, I was in a halfway house. I was on probation. They were knocking on my door, and I had a piss in the fucking jar every three days. You don't know what it is to live with some of the fucking knocks on your door at 8 o'clock at night and ask you to piss in the fucking jar. Were you arrested for what?

Kidnapping. Oh, you told me that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but... What you gotta do is move somebody from one room to the other that's kidnapped, right? That's it, that's kidnapping.

I heard they changed the level, but who gives the fuck? I still broke it, so... But it was just funny, I used to go to this video store in Boulder. And it was the biggest video store in Colorado was three floors. And I rented that tape so much

that they wouldn't even charge me no more. They stopped charging me. You rented the tape of the Dangerfield? I was a danger field. So much, I think I was like, listen, from now on, just rent another movie. But I'll give you this on the house. It's yours. You know, you should have just bought it.

That's how many times I rented that movie. Tell you a funny story, Joe, about that. Bill Hicks was on that, right? Bill was a friend of mine. Now, you, Bill Dice? Shimmel. Shimel. Lenny Clark, Carol Lefer, and Barry Sobel.

So Lenny Clark opened it. Barry Sobel was after him. I don't remember. I remember I went on after Dice, I think. So it was, Hicks went before Dice. Did he? Oh, it was Barry Sobel, Hicks, Dice. That man, that Schimel probably.

But I remember the thing, Rick Messina comes up to me. He goes, go talk to Hicks. He's nervous. This is Bill Hicks, one of a fucking dear friend, a great comedian. So I go up to him in the yard of Dangerfields. I go, hey, I heard you nervous, huh? Fucking pussy.

He looks at me, he goes, what? I go, you with the fucking collar up and the cigarette is going to let these people intimidate you? Fuck them. Go out there. And then he started laughing. I think I loosening them up just by busting his balls. But I mean, Bill Hicks, he's so fucking good. Now, at this time, when you ever gotten this show,

how many years were you doing comedy time? Well, it was 86, 87. So I was doing it for seven years. Oh my God And you met Rodney at the store I don't know how Yeah but he got my name And what happened was

I had a 10 minute audition And I go on This is what we were talking about earlier It ties it together Damon and Barry Sobel Both friends of mine It was a 10 minute spot They both did 25 minutes each

All right I'm fucking furious I go up and I just lay into both of them Right now nobody's been better To me in this business than Damon Every time he gets a fucking show everything and I don't mean that I'm not slamming I'm just saying that was the moment I was angry they did they did I'm going to what the fuck did they expect to kick in at 22 minutes like

they're going to get funny it wasn't happening and I'm busting their balls so Rodney comes up to me and I'm getting laughs you know and Ronnie comes up to him and goes you know kid you're getting good laughs but you have no fucking material what he do is lay into people I can't put that on a special I go Ronnie I didn't do my act because I was fucking mad he goes well get it you know he said let me see you again then he saw me at the improv and then I got it. Then I did my act, you know, the Italian stuff, little piti, big pity, all that stuff.

That's amazing. And where did you show? You shot it all in Dangerfield. I what? You shot it all in the city and Dangerfield. Yeah, yeah. But you booked it out here. Right. I booked it at the improv. You know, he saw me at the store first. And how many days did it take you guys all together, be in the city? Two, three days?

You know, because I still had a place in New York then. So it didn't, like it wasn't, like I was on the road. And New York was still my home, you know. So it was very easy. I mean, it was so fucking easy. I was, you know, like whatever, six, seven minutes, I was really prepared

for it, you know. I think I got the Tonight Show first and then that. But you know it was amazing was the effect, the immediate effect of it was like incredible. I went to Atlanta. I had no idea with the impact it had.

And the place is fucking teaming with people. It's packed. And there's like there's guys with softball, uniforms on and they had little PD Joey Bagaddonuts, Big Petey, regular Petey, all these names on it. I had no idea. It made us like instant draws if they liked us on it.

So it was really, it was like watching, it was like the Sopranos of the day. Everybody watched it. HBO didn't have as much competition then, you know? Like for today's comedians, it's different. I mean, the advantages of the podcast. You know, podcast people really are the people that come to comedy clubs.

Do you agree? Yes, yes, absolutely. You know, that's an advantage. But as far as, like, watching television, like, nobody watches the late-night shows anymore. I mean, I still do them because of the ego and the fun of it. And I hate writing those sets, but I try. But they don't really...

Nobody says, man, I saw you on Craig Ferguson last night. They saw me on Petstar, on the Animal Planet. That's what they saw me on. How fucking sad is that the staples of comedy that you thought 20 years ago and now gone. But it's evolved into something else. At least the podcast, you know, make people that love it really into it, you know. Like, I'm in Ireland.

They go, oh, we hear you and Joe Rogandah. I fucking crack me up. I listen to you on the way of the work. Isn't that cool? Like something fucking, I was in Sydney a couple weeks ago. How cool is this? This guy who takes up to me. He says, you know, you changed my life, man, all this stuff.

He's like, I don't know what the fuck. He goes, you know, by the way, you're my brother's favorite comedian. He's from New Zealand. I go, oh, really? And I'm thinking his brother's like 30, 40. I said, how old your brother? He goes, 15. I go, 15 is a 15-year-old kid in fucking Auckland, New Zealand.

I'm his favorite comedian. What the fuck's wrong with that kid? Ari's in China right now. Is he really? He's doing 100-seat little bars. And he's selling out. People from listen to the fucking podcast. Isn't that incredible?

Shanghai. But it's just, it took a couple of years ago, the thing went down with Conan. All right, and they didn't want him on TV, blah, blah, blah, blah. They didn't want him on TV? No, no, Conan, the guy that's on TBS now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Conan O'Brien. And I'm sitting there going, I got to be honest with you.

When I get home to 1130, Conan O'Brien is the last fucking thing I'm thinking about. This is when he was in NBC. Yeah. I mean, I got to be honest with you. It's the last fucking thing that's even in my mind. Like, I wouldn't even, when I get home before, if I get home before,

11.30, out of respect for comedians, I did this all for years, I still do this, I pressed the info button to see you another tonight show, to see who's on Letterman, to see who's on, and I'll tape the set, you know, not to watch it. But when they were going to cancel, remember all the people

jumping up and down and fucking Burbank? Where were they when they were watching the fucking show? They canceled it because there was no fucking numbers. Yeah, it was amazing. Not because so it's so weird how we have this really weird movement. I don't know nobody who stays up to watch TV. When I was a kid and you went to school next day,

there was that kid next to you, and you're like, what's up, dog, I had to stay up last night and watch Benny Hill and the honeymoon and the odd couple. I remember shit like that, but nobody's ever told me they'd stay up to watch Conan O'Brien. So I don't know what kind of, you know, we had Gabriel on the show, Iglesias. And we were talking about that no matter how you cut it, Gabriel's first big jump was from the TV show named K Locos.

a fucking low-budget show on Spanish TV. Yeah. That was seen all over fucking South America. And those people sent tapes and VCR tapes, and the rest is history. You know, he got more response from K-Loco than somebody would get. So you never really know the formula no more.

Well, that, yeah, the Dangerfield specials at that time, if they liked you, and everybody didn't break from it. But when you broke from it, you broke pretty big. You know? I mean, it was a career. career maker amazing you know seven minutes I remember watching Seinfeld on one yeah Robert Townsend mm-hmm Roseanne was Roseanne are yours no that was one with Tennyson because they put her a blasts think Roseanne it's just a

brilliant you're looking at this and as a young comic I remember sitting there fucking confused scared married I had a job I was making okay money but I was far from what the fuck I wanted to do and I was playing I would play those tapes and dream. I never thought that I would be in that league. But what a fucking nice dream to have, you know, to do that. You know, now HBO is as stingios, those fucking things, is whatever. They give them to everybody else, but the guys who deserve them anymore, HBO.

Well, they're always trying to break the young guys, which is, you know, I understand business-wise. But they always put Robert Klein on. Oh, yeah, that's true. And I love Robert Klein, but fucking enough already. There's got to be somebody else besides fucking Robert Klein. we could fucking put on HBO. The last couple specials on HBO, you sit there and go, you know, put Hannibal Beres.

All right, you don't like me, you don't like Don Herrera, put on Hannibal Barris. You don't like, you know, Dane Cook, I understood. He was selling fucking tickets in people's bathroom. People were fucking going to shows and sitting in the bathroom in Toronto to listen to Dane Cook. I heard that one. I went out there with the UFC with Rogan to Minneapolis.

Or no, Minneapolis, at the Arena, Minneapolis. He goes, they were there. so sold out for Dane Cook. People they had the speakers on in the bathroom people paying 10 bucks to listen to Dane Cook in the fucking bathroom. Wow. I paid 120 my junior year of high school.

I took my junior prom date there to see it at the place with the Celtics played. It was crazy. How was it? It was good. I loved his first... I don't think you can do comedy in the arena. Yeah, I loved his first TV Armful of Swallow. Is that it? The one way he talked about punching bees

and horses. That one was But no, I mean, I remember when CDs used to count, and now no one buy CDs anymore. That's how I found out about Dan Cook, because my wrestling captain had his CD in one of the long drives to a tournament. And now, because of the digital, no one really has him anymore. Who did you listen to when you were growing up? Anybody in particular? I was a kid, Woody Allen. Wow.

I loved Woody Allen. I shot the moose. Remember his stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. He was just a brilliant joke writer. Like, you ever watch Love and Death? It's when he was in Russia.

He was Russian supposed to be fighting Napoleon. And the jokes he wrote, Diane Keaton is sitting there with Napoleon. And Napoleon says, how do you find me as a man? And Diane Keen goes, I think it's your best bet. These kind of fucking jokes, just fucking, like, it's brilliant jokes. He goes, you have beautiful skin. She goes, yes, and it covers my entire body. You know, just joke everything.

I mean, I can't write jokes, you know, Joe. Can you? You're a brilliant joke, write a dumb, or I can't write a joke. I have no idea how to write a joke. I think I think of things and say them in a funny way, but I don't like, like, I don't know the formula. I don't know how you get that. Like a joke joke to me that's fucking great would be like, a guy goes with a psychiatrist, psychiatrists, what's a problem?

Guy goes, I don't know, Doc, I just can't seem to keep any friends, you fat fuck. Like, I love jokes like that, you know, like just boom. boom, boom, boom. I try my best, my level hit at best. You know, for years I struggled with all that stuff. I remember somebody, a writer told me one time, he was, listen,

when people go to see a stand-up, a comedy, they like what they do. It's when the comic tries to change up what he's been doing because he wants to be intelligent or something. People see right through that. You know, they go to see you for that certain btois. It's tough to tell somebody

that because I hate my act I hate looking at myself on stage I hate listening to myself on stage I hate all that shit it takes a minute for me and I got to shut it to fuck off I don't give a fuck if I can't hear it I can't watch it you either you know I can't do it I can't do it you know it changed my life you know not getting the Merv Griffin show because when I I didn't remember Merv Griffin yes I didn't I auditioned this guy named Les Sinclair and he didn't he turned me down which you know and I got that I remember going fuck I can't even get Merv Griffin. Fuck this.

I'm just going to be myself. And then I started getting shit. Because I was trying to be what I thought a stand-up should be to get on those shows. Like Jerry. You know, like Jerry Seinfeld was the guy who you looked at and went down. I was a guy who knows how to do a tight six, seven minutes. You know what I mean? Tired all together.

I didn't know how to do that. And like not getting Merv was like such a low point. I couldn't even get fucking Merv Griffin. Ooh, funny. Fuck him. Merv Griffin. Fuck him. It's funny. Seinfeld used to have a joke about

that nobody could reach you in the shower when you're on the phone. The dumbest thing ever, but I used to giggle my ass. He can't reach you in the shower. You ever go in the shower, and there's a hair on the wall? How did he get there?

Did he climb up that? Did he slowly just move up the wall there? Whose hair is it? You know, he would do that shit. I went to see him. I paid money to see Seinfeld after the first season. And somewhere in Denver, I took a little Asian girl for a date.

Tremendous. Well, it's crazy because you, Joey, you did Longest Jard and you said you had people coming out expecting that guy for comedy. And Dom, you played a terrible comedian on Seinfeld, like a prop comment. Yeah, right. Did people come out to see like that? And like, you didn't do the prop comedy. Well, but no, no, they don't come to see that.

They know that. But the funny thing is, I forget, like, how powerful that show is. And I walked into a plane in Burbank. at 5.30 in the morning and 6 o'clock flight and the flight attendant goes to me he says, do my nostrils look big to you? And I go, no.

And I sit down. I'm thinking, what the fuck's wrong with him? And I realized there was a line from Seinfeld. Your episode was on last week, the one where Chiching. Where George was running out because of a fire. Yeah, he pushed you down and everything.

When the guy says, how do you live with yourself? The fireman, because he knocked over a woman with a walker and he goes it ain't easy and then he says he talks about he goes I was merely clearing the path you know did ever see that episode Joe

I saw one of them I saw years ago the Seinfelds and it was like it was weird because I stopped watching TV for a long time and then I saw you on Seinfeldon it was like it was amazing when I saw anybody on those fucking episodes I would just

how many episodes did you do just one and I had no idea how big the show was because I turned down a few because I was always on the road. Larry called me about three or four times and you know what he actually said. This is Larry David, fucking genius. And he goes, Dom, you know, you really should do the show. It's pretty good. Do you ever see it?

I go out of Laird, I haven't seen it. Sorry, but I heard it was good, right? The fucking Seinfeld show. And then now looking back, I'm thinking I'm so lucky I was part of that. You only did one episode? Yeah. Because you have like a few memorable things. And I thought it was more episodes.

Me too. I thought it was more episodes. Because you had the thing where can I have, that, right? Wasn't it? Wasn't it? You know? Can I have that? Like, yeah, a joke, one of Jerry's jokes. Oh, yeah, I think I did say that. And then I was looking on your IMDB today. You did all

like all the comedians that had sitcoms in the 90s and the 90s, like, everybody was Raymond, the can't. I did every one of those fucking shows. I got a lot of it. Jim Larraket? He did his show, too? No, I didn't look. Laraket, no. Which was that? He was handsome I did Drew Carey. Levy Clark was on there. Drew Carrey,

Everybody lives Raymond. I did Golden Girls. That's how fucking long I've been around. Wow. Rue McClanahan and Betty White, B. Arthur. I called her Bo by mistake. She looked at me like she was going to fucking level me. It's B-Darling.

Yeah, a lot of those shows. But you know what my favorite shit has been lately is cartoons. I was on Back at the Barnyard and Hey Arnold. Hey Arnold gets more of a rise from the kids like 21 years. all than anything. They don't give a fuck about it. Some of the shit I did, but I go, hey Arnold, I grew up on that.

That's such a cool feeling. You're the doctor on the Connolly Central, too. Oh, Dr. Katz? Dr. Katz. He did a bunch of those, too. I'm watching those. It's funny the shit that you lived through, like, people who, they kept calling you from Seinfeld.

Can you imagine they kept calling you from signing you were always on the road? A lot of people don't know this. I had, when I first moved out of here, I went to the imprime. first. I went to a comedy store first and then I got put on, it was Latino night on Sunday nights at the improv and they put me on, they made me a regular and they would give me spots.

And this guy came up to me one day and he goes, I want to manage you. I have a managing firm, okay. After about three months, the guy was worthless. I'd say, did you call the improv? Yeah, but nobody answers the phone. That's great. I got two weeks of Miami. They answered the phone for me. It was like a running joke. We work Miami together. Yeah, yeah. Do we work in Miami with Ricky

Cruz at that time. And it was He was horrible. Guys, he was fucking horrible. Who was horrible? He tried this manager. Oh. He really set up showcases, and he was a sweetheart. He was part of something.

He got lucky. They gave him a big check, and he came out here with the big check. And big checks out here when you're worthless, they go fucking fast. Yeah. When he got, he had the Porsche, and the girlfriend had the Mercedes. And that started. You could see if they, oh, no, the Mercedes wasn't working right. You had to cut that motherfucker down.

That was it because he had the suits. You know, he was out every night. You got to play the fucking game. You know, that costs money playing the game. Going to eat and make him believe you're going to sign this and that. And everything was going bad for him. He had the script that he was pushing for a writer called something about a bride. We're Russian.

You get a Russian bride. And they attached Tim Allen and then Tim Allen sued him. Because, and I was ready to go. I'm fucking ready to get rid of this guy. I'm just waiting for something. I don't know what I'm waiting for. So I tell him I'm going to New York, and he calls me back this guy, and he goes, hey, while you're in New York, do you have a demo reel? I go, no, I have stand-up reel.

He goes, go to this place on the west side and drop off a reel. Go to this place in Queens and drop off a real. And do me a favor. Stop by this place in Manhattan. They're casting a show by Italians called the Sopranos. I called them ready and told me you were coming. I dropped off a tape. And I went to the other two places except the same.

soprano place and I kept saying and on the way home I'm throwing the tape under the seat and going I'm not a fucking singer like I can't fucking sing that high what is wrong with that fucking moron and a year later I'm at the Cleveland Improv dying the death of the week and I go back to the condo and the Sopranos and the Soprano's is on I'm sitting there going Sopranos it's a fucking mob show I never felt so bad in my life I had my friend, my friend, Loubs' brother make duplicates at like 9 in the morning

because I had to drop him off and that's what I did all morning. It was an East Coast guy. My brother's got a VCR. Come on over and then we get over there. What cord? What record? You asked me if you had a VCR.

So now we had to go to the Kmart by a VCR. He didn't have a fucking cord. What record? We record from the TV. So we had to do all that shit. We had to get chords to record from one to the other.

I recorded three tape. off one for a TV show and two for fucking movies and nothing happened with those shit movies what the fuck Lisa that's all the answers you got for me was the longest yard the one with Bruce Willis no the longest show was the one was the one and I was also put on the veils for that the mob one with Bruce Willis they put me on a veil's friend and they wrote this couple scenes Kevin Pollock is that one Kevin Pollock guy he was fucking funny in that yeah Kevin Pollock then and they made a sequel and they put me me on the vales for the Russian, but they didn't

fucking give it to me. What are you going to do? You know what I'm saying? You can't fucking cry. Who was in the longest yard? Everybody. Goldberg, Nellie, Michael Irvin, fucking Adam Sandler, just a bunch. Is that football one right there? Terry Cruz. Yeah, okay.

Bert Reynolds. Bert Reynolds is very interesting. I thought I had Goldberg calling this morning to the show. You know, Chris Rock was very nice on the set. Everybody was very nice. Chris is a good guy. It was a great experience. I was very lucky at the time, you know.

I sent an audition tape. You know, I don't take no for an answer. I don't give a fuck down wherever. You know, they were going to put me up against Vinnie Pestor and the guy who played football for the fucking Baltimore Ravens, Tom Saragusa. That was what I was going up against. Oh, he's a big fucking guy. And I said, you know what, man, Tom Saragusa.

Gusa never did fucking comedy in Buffalo and near the fucking big pussy soprano. I'm stealing this fucking role. And I put a tight shirt on with a helmet and they taped me and I sent it in. Chris got to tape that Adam. That's how I got to fuck these motherfuckers, Lee? That's right. They can't stop you fucking. I liked you in that De Niro, uh, The Slice the Alone movie.

Oh, that's good. I almost, it was on the plane a couple weeks ago. I almost jumped off the fucking plane. Yeah, I thought you were very funny in it. I had a good time. Thank you for saying that. I had a very nice time shooting a movie with those guys. I was very honest, you know.

But look at this shit, Dom. You've gone through, you know, three different changes at the comedy store. You're still fucking here ticking, brother. Happier than ever. Never knock me down, Ray. Funny and never. Still working every night. Where are you going tonight?

Where are you going on stage tonight? Tonight I'm taking off. I got tomorrow night with the Comedy Store Wednesday, breaking balls with Dom Aura, featuring, starring. Joey Diaz. Why don't you call fucking Rogan see if you'll come down too.

We'll have a good time. I had a big phone now, Rogan. Did you really? No. Maybe you were shooting pool and he got mad at you. Got mad at me for winning a game. All I do is fucking racked for him.

It's a nightmare. I mean, I win a couple games, you know, because a nine ball you're bound to win. Like, you know, Joe will run eight balls and then I hit the nine bowling. But he's tough. Yeah, I don't know. And he asked, you come shoot pool,

make him watch. So I can stand there, drinking sodas like a fucking moron forget it I go home back to the hotel and take my chan-a-lis what are you gigging about you want a gummy bear is that what it is no okay what happened to you take a little bite let's do a little gummy bear you and your uncle joel it's fucking monday night domerere is here what is this is this an edible yeah this is a second edible of the day well how many is it for you jovie what are you at like fucking 12 now you can drive with them huh you're not supposed to you know I have my friend picking me up well good

giving me a ride, you know, I suppose I go to a brand new tube. I got a brand new tube. I got a DUI out here with Hollywood. Oh, those are the worst. It lasts for 10 years, right? Yeah. They don't fuck around those DUIs, man. Cops, a friend of mine.

He had his, you know, he would have got me out of it, but he had his phone on vibrate instead of ring. He said, I'm sorry. I said, what the fuck I deserve it? I got away with so many of them. I'm in Florida, right? I'm in Hollywood, Florida. I went to this, like, a lingerie place.

It's like kind of a whorehouse, but, you know, it's like almost a horsehouse. I come out, I had a few sambuicas. I'm so fucking drunk. I ran over a stop sign. The cops had somebody apprehended, I'm apprehended, and I'm talking copped. The perpetrator.

They had a guy, and I run over a stop sign. You know, Florida, everything's like, There's a water level. It's only in there with cement. The ground doesn't really hold it. I ran over the fucking thing. And I said to the guy, and this is when you know, like, it's just your day. I said, I said, officer, I'm too drunk to drive.

The first thing I said that, he goes, Dom, get out of the car. When he said my name, I'm thinking, I hope he likes my act. And he did. And he gave me a cab and put the car there. So, you know, I can't complain about getting one. No. But I never drank since. I never drink and dry.

It's not worth the fucking aggravation. It's all livelihood. Yeah. What are you doing? You fucking can't drive. Jode, this woman fucking hated me in the drunken drive classes. As I said to her, she was like this, you know, like, all, like, condescending about, you know, us, the drunks. I said, let me tell you something.

If it wasn't for drunks, you wouldn't have a job. You ever think of that? She fucking looked at me. She called a time out, walked out of the room to take a breath. Ladies and gentlemen, just to let you know what's going on here Why there's a slowdown in the show The boys are eating fucking drugs These drug addict friends of mine

Just little something to get the blood going on the Monday night You know what I'm saying? Special edition church of what's happened now It's amazing how I couldn't handle it Do you know that? I can handle so many fucking things in life Couldn't handle what? Drink and drive

No puts me in another fucking frame of mind. You don't want to be looking in your mirror a whole time. It's terrifying. It's terrifying. It's something that I saw something when I was 17. It had to do with drinking and driving like the New Year's Day.

And I decided at that moment right there, I was never drinking and driving. I wasn't even going to go out and fucking cars on the weekends. For years, I would fucking take buses or walk or take a train into the city or take a cab. It was fucking horrible the fears I had. Because, listen, today, today, something happened this morning. Some drunk driving ran out of control killed a family of five going to Disney

and yesterday. You know, it's something. So you can't even take the chance no more. No. Listen, when I went to prison and I got locked up, yeah, you meet some fucking killers. But I also met kids who made mistakes who went to a frat party, got drunk, got in their car, fell asleep, and killed a fucking couple. this kid was living in hell.

There was one in particular. I never forgot. I never forgot what he looked like. His name was Chuck something. I never forgot what he looked like how he used to walk around with the hat. He lived in hell. And his parents had money.

So he only had to do four years. He had to do two years. They charge as a non-violent. His parents pay like quarter of a million dollars in the defense. But it's... I can't imagine, like, not even dealing with the guilt

of killing somebody. But like, especially if you do that, like, just reliving that. night and like oh i shouldn't have had that last beer or i shouldn't have done that and driving drunk for me is a little is different than high high i just drive a little bit slower what's the difference that's what i just drive very slowly joey to joey goes 90 long in the anytime but i i draft slowly and i get a little paranoid sometimes like i'll just look down and the light's been green for 30 seconds but uh but don't they'd stop you for driving too slow too my dad oh so my dad's about

60 years old and he came out to visit me here and Joey gave him a cookie. Oh no. Did he know what he was getting? Yeah, he know what he was getting. He was wrapped up and he said have a little bit before he get through security. He was to go on a flight to Florida. My dad got nervous before security and ate the whole thing. Oh my God. He almost missed his flight and the next day he was flying Fort Lauderdale and he was doing 16 miles an hour on 95 at 6 in the morning they pulled them over. I guess they would. It's like a tractor goes fast, isn't it? But, no, so, I mean, the worst thing that ever happened was when we had that podcast and the cop car hit me,

just, like, dinged me in the light. I was high, and the cop car just, it's mirror. Like, the cop must have been new, and the mirror just hit my mirror. And so they had me pull over and just make sure my car was okay. And I got out of there quick. I probably could have sued them or, like, got to get on the jail free car. I was like, something. But no, I was like, let me get the fuck out of here.

Maybe I'm on drugs, but you're a really bad driver officer. Let me ask you something. So you get high tonight? What are you going to go home and do? Make a little chocolate shake, stretch a little bit, do some jumping jacks. What do you think? I'm going to go home and I'm going to pass out again. What fucking pass out?

You're as tough as nails. I know, but fucking these things are fucking strong. He gave me one today at six in the morning. You know, I never had one. Can I have one? Not now. We ate them. I'm kidding.

I would never fucking do it. I would imagine me doing it. For the first time, I got to drive home. Are you kidding? You'd have the time of your fucking life. I can't do anything. Coffee bakes me fucking nervous. I like down.

I like downers. I like alcohol. I like Xanax. Well, listen, you take one of these with some coffee? You're on a different fucking planet. You get an e-cigrant. I don't like psychedelic, though. You don't like psychedelic, I'm not putting you in a psychedelic state.

I'm putting you in another planet. Like, put the beginning of the OJs on. Like that. Like that. Like that. I like that. Like that. Like that.

That type of planet. What? Oh shit. Little Philadelphia, Sam. My man, Dom-Merey in the house, you bad motherfuckers. Let's do this shit. Jump up and down, black people. There's the real deal.

This is the real fucking deal right here. Money. Money. What? What? What? In California, close by, don't forget this weekend. Domera and myself at the ice house, four shows.

Don't fuck around. 626-577. 1990 something. I don't know. What? Stop. Throw it down, motherfucker. Frank that shit. Joe, I didn't know you could do the split like that.

Stop. These motherfuckers. How did you pick yourself up like that? Come on, boy. This is the temptation. Those for what? Where? Well, you want a good thing, good thanks, good thanks, good thanks, good thanks.

Monday night, cock suckers. Let's go, roll that number. Don Marrera's in the house. Let's do this shit. Get up, salute the flag, you cock suckers. Oh shit. Money! Are you fucking kidding me?

This is when black people are fucking black people. Savages, they all had a fucking Afro pick in their pocket. What are you fucking nuts or what, Lisa? I got dropping it for you. There's a little something for you, Lisa. You learn something to every day. You eat a little edible, you fucking listen to the OJs, straight back to like 73, 74 in this country.

I'm sorry, I'm banging you. the fucking table. But sometimes you've got to make a point. What's happened down my room? I like to see a rock out like that, man. Oh, I love all this music. I love music. I love music.

All right, the thing we didn't talk about, we've got to just touch on because only Daniel Tosh, not to be a name dropper, and you are the only guys I know that no basketball. What do you think? With San Antonio incredible or what? If I lied to you,

I only watched maybe total of 10 minutes. Oh, really? And the 10 minutes I watched San Antonio, six of them were in the semi-finals. Oh, you didn't even watch it with the... I watched one night. Oh, you just watched college, huh? I don't watch that.

I don't, I don't, not anymore. Not when I was really into it, you know, I watched, but I understood San Antonio. It's amazing what I, now at 50, what I see with basketball. I see commercial basketball and I see a great team. Yeah, yeah. I see a team that was built together. Years ago, I watched the next time. They're fucking horrendous.

They couldn't win a championship. They gave him the fucking trophy. Because there's five guys playing for themselves. San Antonio was a well-oiled machine. Unbelievable. Well-oiled machine. And they utilized everybody to that fullest potential. The guy's 50 fucking years old.

What do he wanted to do? He still did 18 points, right? What did he fucking happen? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's like 15. He signed again today for 10 million. He's coming back next year.

He's losing 10, 15 million. I won't be laborer because I know a lot of people get turned off by sports, but he's losing $15 million a year, $20 million maybe, but that way they can get better players around him. He's smart. You really think there's a big difference between $15 and $10 million? When you make $10 million, you're going to go, God, I'd like to make $5 million more.

I feel so cheated. Yeah, it was great to watch a basketball team instead of two guys and three guys they put together to be mercenaries. Yeah. It was good to see them. I watched the finals, and it was good to see Miami out of their element. Like, they did something to take them completely out of their game. They deed them up.

They agitated them. They just got in their fucking ass. But on the other side of the court, they played so fucking, you know, picks and bruin. They looked through the open man. The extra pass. It was just really nice to see that instead of seeing fucking this, you know, whatever. have a chucking jive shaking and put a 40 footer up with no there's nothing there yeah it's a great shot if you're making it's a great shot if you fucking make it and then what then you drop the

last three in the fourth quarter so that 40 foot in the first quarter you could suck my dick you should have saved that for the fourth quarter hit me with a fucking high percentage layup you know what I drop it how it is when it comes to fucking hoops but uh I watch the lakers I tell you what team I cannot watch the clippers before Donald laughed at Donald sterling I don't give a Fuck, I cannot watch. I don't get it. I don't get it. I just didn't get it.

I don't see the flow. I do not see their flow. The kid is great. The guard is really great. C.B.3. Chris Paul. Chris Paul. And the white dude that looks half black.

Like, Blake Griffin. He's great. He's half white and half black. Half white and half black. Something about them, together. It ain't fucking Bibby and Bob. It ain't Bibby and fucking Doug Collins.

Oh, they were good. It ain't Bibby and Doug Collins. Something just doesn't. I don't feel it, guy. I don't fucking feel it. And the other guy, I don't feel it. It wasn't, you could tell them the cards. You know, it just didn't feel it.

And then the scandal didn't fucking help him much, but I just didn't fucking feel it. It's amazing how I liked running gun basketball when I was younger. But it's amazing how easy you could beat it. That's why they couldn't ever figure out a guy like Larry Bird when they played for Indiana that year. They had a sub-part team, but they were a team.

Indiana State, right? Yeah, Indiana State, and they lost the Magic Johnson in the last game, but they were 31. Yeah, but can you imagine how good he was to take them to the top? He was that good guy, but he slowed everybody else's game down. They couldn't cover him. He was six for ten. He was popping 20s on you.

Slow as shit, couldn't get around you, but he was still popping fucking 20s on you. It was on, I remember the first televised game of Larry Bird. They played New Mexico State, and the guy that covered him was a guy with the name of Cheese Johnson. I met him at five-star basketball camp. It was one of my counselors. He sucked dick.

Fuck him. He was a real fucking puke. Cocksucker. Easy, Joe. Don't go back there. It's not worth it. I love it. I worry about your pressure.

I loved all that shit. I loved all that old school basketball. I loved the way it was played. They always great the 83-6s. Please, I was just going to get to that shit. I was just going to get to that. Name the starting team for that. Muzon Malone, Bobby Jones.

No. Julius Irving. Bobby didn't start. It wasn't Mark Ivarone. Yep. Was it Mark Ivaroni? It was Mark Ivaroni. It was, I don't know if it was Doug Collins still?

No. That was after him. It was after him. It was not World Be Free, but the other guy that he could shoot in the dark. Andrew Tony, tremendous. Maurice Cheeks. Maurice Cheeks. And Irving.

That was the starting five. And then they'd bring him Bobby Jones and no white boy could dunk like that motherfucker. Bobby Jones and who else? There's somebody else. Steve Mix. Steve Mix. Nick's 50.

I started with the Sixers when they had George motherfucker McGinnis. Kobe's father, Jelly Bean Bryant. Yeah. Was it a Sixer when I started with them? And they had, who was it? Cordwell Jones was the center? I picked him up thumbing it one night.

Did you? It's fucking so hilarious. I see a giant black. guy. I don't realize he was seven foot tall. Thumb in it, his Mercedes broke down. I'm in my hornet, right? I have my fucking yellow hornet. And I see him and I think nobody's going to pick up this fucking guy.

So I pick him up. And his legs go over to dash. He's so fucking tall. And then I realized who he was and it was very funny. He offered me tickets to the game the next night and all. I didn't care. But I just took him into it because he was going from a really

white neighborhood. I think this fucking guy is not getting picked up. I didn't give a fuck. It's amazing what Julia Serving meant to me at a young fucking age. Oh, yeah. I still remember him getting traded from the Nets, and I kind of cried a little bit. I was a little fucking cracked when the ABA went down.

It was exciting. They had a lot of good players. Yeah. And then that's, I still remember the $6 million man. They changed his number from 32 to 6. He started doing commercials. There was a show at halftime called Red on Roundball, or Red Orbach would break down again.

Right. Every week he had a different basketball player. The best one was Julius Irving. But the second one, the best one was Calvin Murphy. Because he did an exhibition on twirling. Yeah, yeah. He twirled a baton. That's why he had exceptional fucking hand speed.

I also read that book about Tom Janovitch. When he got cracked? When he got cracked. When he got cracked. Yeah, pretty good book. A little repetitive at times, but it wasn't fucking bad. And it was amazing that every time Rudy Tomjanovich We come up from Houston, and they play at the forum in those days.

He'd look up and he'd go someday, that fucking scoreboard's going to come down on somebody. He would always say that in the beginning of every game. He would go someday that scoreboard's going to come down. One night he's playing the Lakers, a fucking tussle, he turns around. He walks right into a fucking punch. Oh, my God. Kermit Washington Punt. Put it up there. Kermit Washington Punch this guy in the fucking.

Are we on camera? Yeah, we're on camera. I don't think they could watch that, but they could. What about I said you for? You're looking for Kermit Washington. This is a camera here? Yeah, that's a camera right there. I don't remember.

Say hello. Hello. Say hello to the bad guy. Hello, you caca roaches. It was the punch. That's the name of the book. And he says... It ruined his life, you know.

It ruined his sinuses and everything. Removed him. And also, Kermyn Washington. Kermyn was going to get fucking arrested. Yeah. He became a born-again Christian. They did something on him on 2020. I saw it.

Something. Something. He couldn't get it together. I didn't feel that bad for him, tell you the truth. You know, at that time the NBA was putting enforcers into the league. Enforcers were him, Maurice Lucas. Remember Maurice Lucas and Daryl Dawkins fighting?

Darl Dauvin's. In the middle of fucking, yeah. Had no idea how to fight. But they fought over Daryl Dawkins popping Bobby Gross over his back. Then when they held Daryl Dawkins back, this beauty throws a punch and hits his own team. He hits Doug Collins. Doug Collins gets six stitches before game six. Was that a punch or is that a fucking?

It's weird. Like if you search it, it's like part of a documentary about him, and they just slow it down, and they just see, I guess, when he's talking to him, and the guy turns around,

sees him, and it's like John Jones knocking somebody out. When he woke up, he goes, finally, the scoreboard came down. That's what he said. He goes, what happened?

The scoreboard come down. They go, no, he don't punched. Get up, he got up. I mean, they talk to him. They talked to him. They talked, what he was thinking. in the locker room, and then they said,

you can't get on the plane. You're going in for emergency surgery. Everything is broken. Your brains are coming out of your fucking nose or something. He wanted to kill from Washington. It's a fucking interesting read if you ever read that shit, don't know. Don't listen to me. I don't give a fuck. I know you take long flights

and you got time to kill. What are you doing on the plane when you take a long flight? Lee, can you throw me a water for you? I'm going to Joey, two of them. You know, Joe, I do the normal stuff. I teach a Zumba class in first class. Regular things. I stretch. you always fly first class now because of the 30,000 miles a year. Well, I can't fucking, my feet don't go to the right anymore.

I go to the left. I'll fly business class sometimes, but I just can't do it, Joe, and I don't give a fuck. I've gone, quite frankly, I've gone where I've spent more money on my ticket than I made at the gig. That's how much it means to me. I'm just not, I'm too fucking, I work too hard on my life to worry about fucking money. I'm lucky, you know. And I used to fly Sophie around. Remember Sophie?

Yeah? You know, like I'm flying her around and bumping her up with me now. I'm just thinking, you know, and I'm flying alone. I see, it's not as nearly as a chance. What's your entire of choice, American? I'm United American and Delta. I just hedge my bet with the big boys. Okay.

United's going downhill, though, man. Since they merge with Continental, they've really, they're not the same airline. Who goes to Reno? best from here. I've never been there. I've been there years ago, but I don't know. I would imagine Southwest, that'd be my guess. If I were you, I'd go Southwest from Burbank. Nobody flies direct from Burbank. No? No direct flights. No Reno? You got to go somewhere. You got to go to Reno. You got to go to Vegas. It turns into a three and a half hour fucking flight. So I have to get on a plane at 6 o'clock to come back. Five 30. I got to be there.

I don't get into Burbank at 10.30 in the morning. If I'm I take American or United or Delta, I get back at 9.30 in the morning and I got to drive up to fucking 405. Oh, I'd rather come into Burbank no matter what. Even with the three-hour? If they have a club

there, they don't have a club though in Vegas. I join all those clubs, you know, the United Club. Oh, I see what you're saying. Okay. They're comfortable. And what are you doing that? You sit there and you drink? No, I drink on the plane. They got food, too?

Yeah, they got food. I don't know that. Some of them are really fucking nice. Like the one in Virgin, Virgin in London, is unbelievable. They just offered me that in Kennedy when I was there if I wanted to go to the lounge. Yeah, you always go to the lounge. Really? That's my life.

You know, I don't fucking sit in the, too much noise. It gets on my nerves. I mean, I try and make it as easy. But I got that TSA pre-approved. What are they banging out of the year for that? Oh, about four or five hundred. For the TSA pre-TSA? No, no.

They don't charge you for that. I think you met the clubs. Okay. Pre-check is great. You have to take your shoes off. You don't have to take your bag out. You just fucking go right through. I'm just scared to even make them

to the computer check. Shit might go off, bells, and whistles. Why I upset the fucking tide evolution? Everybody's hunky door. Everybody's happy. I fly like a fucking chief now. I'm at the same point. If it's a long flight, I use my miles.

I ain't sitting for six hours and fuck in the back with all these months. miles I got saved up. A lot of times I upgrade. It's amazing the rate that I upgrade. Nine of the fucking 10. Except Chicago and New York. You're not going to upgrade there. Those are killers. Now, they've been around a long time.

You've been around a long time. I'm still gold in American. I got over a million on American, over a million, almost two million on United. Holy shit. You imagine that Lee? And you fucking get upset. If you got to go to fucking Sherman Oaks, got something. No, I mean, it's

like that's kind of my dream like when you guys why's you talking so loud am I telling loud no he's all right don't fuck him up that's my talking he stoned to the fucking gills

his face is ready but jelling his hair to travel around you get a haircut today no you're looking sharp and shill look at your head that's tight

that motherfucker you're looking like Jason what's who played the mechanic Jason Jason Halloween you look like Jason's Strayham tonight only with a beard

you bad motherfucking lucifer looking motherfucker what happened? Tell me, tell me what happened. Your dream is... No, I think it'd be like it sounds like I had a friend whose dad traveled around and I understand how it can be kind of

shitty but just going to like traveling when you didn't... Like my first job interview I had out here but after my first job was to work for Extreme Maker Home Edition and you get to travel around with the show and I always thought that'd be really fun

I guess the more you do it. I'm going to give you $8 with per diem and your fucking dinner is 52. Right. And then like, did you get your pedium? That's always a fucking real beauty. Listen, we're very lucky. And I've said this before on the podcast.

I mean, you're even lucky because you get to grow abroad. You've seen everything. You can't leave the country. No, I got no fucking passport still. That sucks. You can't pay for that? Well, it's Seattle.

It's Seattle. It's breaking my balls with that warrant. It's fucking Seattle, man. What's the warrant for? Assault. And they wanted me to take an anger management course. Fuck them in their anger management. Fucking anger management course.

I got better shit to fucking do it and sit there on a Saturday and tell people I'm fucking pissed. People cut me off and shit, $40. I see that edible kicking in on you. Oh, please. Your eyes have gotten very... Listen, dog, I've been stoned all fucking day. I ate two edibles. I ate an edible with him.

I went home. I made some calls, I sent some emails. I went to 1130 Jiu-Jitsu today. No ghee. I never did no-gee before. It was traumatizing. Do you understand me? It was traumatizing.

Trauma-fucking-tizing. You ready to fight you? No. When you're fat, you can't. You know, when you have a ghee, you have something to grab. Well, you don't have to grab their fucking neck. I don't have that time to sit up there half to sit up and grab your fucking neck. I don't have that type of time.

With the ghee, I just hook onto something and I latch you, you're fucking dirty fuck. You're busy even in jiu-jitsu, you're running late for something. Oh, my God, it was so fucking hard. I don't know. I don't know about no-gi jih-jitsu. But I went and I fucking gave it a try. On the way home, naturally, I stopped at the weed store. Naturally.

Now, you have a prescription? Oh, fuck. I got two prescriptions of the three different names. Well, you're a very old man. Yeah, I'm fucked up. Even the guy that hears voices, I got him a prescription, too. That's how strong I am. The dude with the voices, he's got a fucking prescription.

The dog was talking to him. In case, he don't want the dog to talk to him, so he got a prescription. So I went into my place It's going out of business, by the way. NoHo organic is closing their doors on Monday. Why? Because the landlords are getting pressured now.

The city is going after the landlord. Are you just going in there and buying tubs of it? Because the last time I went with you... I got enough edibles to keep you hopping. I'm sure you do. Look how fucking high he is. Oh, not even yet. He loves all this shit.

He loves it. The last time I went with him to the store, it was like the shows, where they have like the girls who live in Hollywood with fancy dads and they can buy everything. You're like, I'll take four of those, three of those. And you got like 17 things. Oh, my God.

What happens if there's an earthquake, God forbid the middle of night? Everybody's scrambling. I'm prepared. How would you take an edible if there was an earthquake? Why would I? Yeah. Because there's no electricity. People are yelling and screaming, and you want to relieve your attention.

What's it feel like? What? The edible. Is it different than smoking? Yes. calms you down, it gets you stoned. By the time I get home, I'll pop some coffee tonight, like a fucking soldier. In fact, I'm even going to 7-Eleven in a nice cup of brew tonight, like a doctor.

Treat yourself, Joe. You know me. Fuck all that Starbucks. Ben, get it out there. Let me tell you something. It comes in, it goes out. I'm Cuban, all right. That fucking Starbucks, you're giving away $3.

Every fucking day, just to have the Starbucks shield, so your friends think you went to Starbucks. That's it. 7-11's got the bold Brazilian. I put that shit up against bad cocaine. Bold Brazilian from 7-11, I put it up against bad cocaine. Yeah, it's very good. Fucking these people, you know, everybody's...

You don't do cocaine anymore. No, seven years. Everybody's trying to outdo everybody with the fucking coffee. When we grew up, it was regular fucking coffee, Dom. We were ever getting it together. You can't be. You're from Philly. I don't want to hear you getting a soy latte.

Not even by fucking accident. A little cappuccino. I would be fucking so upset because... You know, they've taken over a whole country. If you don't walk into your office with fucking your little Starbucks cup, you're like a fucking immigrant. Coffee beans is not going to know? No, they get pissed off at coffee bean.

That's not the status quo. You got to throw heat with this. It's really big out here. Back east, it's always Dungan D donuts. Dunkin' Donuts, sure. And they don't give a fuck. They give you that black water. That'll change your face if you throw that somebody.

You ever get Dunkin' Donuts. That's fucking scolding that shit. Really? Why do you buy that? You take it to take 25,000? hours to let it to cool down. You got to put a fucking snow cone in there to drink it. It's amazing. Every time I got a

dunk in a month, it's like a 20-minute fucking wait for it to cool down. I don't drink it with, I drink my coffee black, it's beautiful. You know me, I got time to put fucking cream and have you. Oh, let me get the Amaretto cream. I grew up in a place where you walked in, they gave you coffee regular or fucking sweet.

That's it, or black. We're at New Jersey, John. North Bergen with a fucking butter roll. How many times I got to say this shit? Nobody fucked around with gluten. Do you think people came in I don't want no gluten on my buttered roll. Fuck you. Fuck you.

You get what the fuck you come in here. You want bagels and you go see the juice. Here, you got buttered fucking roll. Or you get the rolls with the cream cheese and the jelly. What's a, remember they used to be? First of all, you should go right to Seattle and go to anger management. With that kind of outburst. I'm telling you.

I get furious. There's no need for that here in this podcast. I get furious. Nice bagel with some cream cheese and some fucking jelly. Nobody does that shit. shit no more. That's old school. Cream cheese and jelly? On a fucking butter, on a roll. That's old school. That's

10,000 calories. Weight watches throw you out. Instantly. You lost weight, though. I'm trying. You know, I'm a fucking freaking heat or freak without wanting. What the fuck, Lee? Get it together. Where's the music? What do you want to hear? I don't hear nothing. I'm just making sure you got it all together. You got anything going on in your head?

No, no, no, no. In a minute, I'll just start fading into the background. Like, I'm still okay. He only gave me a quarter, so that was It's not that bad. Today, during the phone call, I kind of just went out. I gave you a nice piece. Where did you make this happy kid?

On Facebook, this is Mike Bumba. He's a good fucking kid. I know he. He's a savage. Look at him. Have you been to Israel? Yeah, twice. Deep connections in Israel, this motherfucker.

Yeah, he's connected. One call that's over. They treat you like Maya Lansk. They're rubbing your feet. When we first started working together, he would just introduce me to random people and say, I'm the director from Israel. And they all went nice. And he would expect me to, like, keep the game.

going but I don't speak Hebrew and I don't do they just make fucking words up neither do they just start making fucking words up I met a nice Jew chick at the park yesterday with a huge Spanish just Jew brought from fucking Jersey how did that come up in the five minutes that you met her because I heard her she had the baby on the swing so I want to put my baby on the swing and she goes what part of New York you're from I go where you're from she goes Philly oh and she's Jewish and her baby was from Venezuela but her and the boyfriend got divorced or she was looking for a new man

she was fucking hysterical little Juna's Jewish chick I don't even know why that came up but she's only drop on you in case you're in the market for a Jewish chick. I was in Boston and my friend's daughter that was going to Boston College

brings her girlfriends out. They're all underage if I take them out, get a drink I'm talking to the one girl blonde hair blue eyes and she's fucking sharp, you know, smart funny and I'm finally I got her, are you Jewish? She goes, yeah, why?

I go, you're too smart for a regular girl. And she started laughing, but she was. You know, fucking smart. She'll be writing. I did a thing for her the other day. They wrote like an internet movie or an internet series. They're fucking industrious.

They're the hardest working people. You got to push the pen nowadays. Now, how many weeks a month are you traveling done? You got a busy schedule. You got new years already? No. But I got February, and I got two gigs in February already. I try and, you know, I always keep saying I'm going to slow down,

and then I can't turn some of these gigs down. You're going to sit around here for three weeks and do what? Audition. After a week and a half, you get bored to pieces I do. Yeah. I get bought to fucking pizza. I thank God for the podcast. This keeps me alive during the week.

Yeah. You know, if you do these, then somebody asks you to be on theirs, and it's a nice fucking week. and you try to work out. You know, you got the Laugh Factory, you have your little show once a month, so you always stay fucking sharp, which is the most important thing.

Yeah, I practice a lot. I mean, the guys that were around with you 20 years ago, there ain't nobody around, bro. That's it. That's it. Who do you see him anymore from you back in your day? Nobody. No, I hang out with guys a lot younger to me,

Dub Davidoff, guys like, you know, at the Laugh Factory, Chris DeLeer, all those guys. You were fucking Sabbaths. They love you. I love doing stand-up still. See, that's the one thing I'm not bitter, you know. Like, I don't sit around if I can think what I didn't get.

I think I'm fucking lucky. I've made a living. I could retire if I wanted to. I just, I wouldn't, I'd blow my fucking brains out. I love doing stand-up. Just a Philly guy. I was just in Philly. I was at Helium.

I told you, I'm doing Atlantic City. It's a big deal for me to do Atlantic City. Big than doing Philly? It's the same thing. Okay. It's the same market. same radio everybody all it is is an extension of Philly how far is A.C. from Philly 60 minutes 60 miles 60 minutes yeah I've lost track of time but they have a 70

mile an hour speed so you go in 80 so you could get there in 45 nice you got to if I can get you in the trap you would fucking love it because it's mixed ages it's like young kids and old people and they all fucking sit at the bar together It's kind of cool. Like Ireland's like that. You know, there's no elitist thing, you know, this is with a hip, young, 30-year-old, whatever.

How many times do you go to Ireland? How many times are you? A year, you go to Ireland. Once a year, twice a year. At least once, sometimes two, three times a year. Wow. I got a lot of friends over there. International, fucko.

For fuck sake, Domera. Inter fucking national. You understand me? And you're worried about going to Jersey. Get it together, cucksucker. What am I worried about? I was in Gawah. I was in Gawley. This is a couple years I realized

about the impact of these podcasts. This kid comes up to me, he goes, Tom Herrera, listen to you on Joe Rogan all the time. He said, tell Joe that I study martial arts because of him. I said, how old is he is 20? I go, so good, I'm going to tell Joe that now I've got a 20-year-old, drunk and Irish kid

who actually knows how to fight. It's perfect. But it is. It's amazing how powerful they are. this is something that I never foresee coming. I thought it was just going to be an outlet for us. Right. I thought it was just going to be a different type of outlet for comedians to crack jokes or talk about their week or where they went on the road.

I didn't know it was going to become this thing that shows are getting written about them. You ever get Bill Burrow in here? No, no, no. Bill's busy with his own stuff, brother. He's fucking funny. Bill's getting dragged from so many fucking directions. I mean, you know how it was. I mean, I've never known to have a career like that.

Bill's working Sundays. You know, if he had a helicopter, he would leave one place and go to another one. Yeah. You know, Bill has, he's got his own. He does two podcasts a week or one? Just one. Just one day mornings. Yeah.

Okay, yeah, he's got the podcast. Yeah, I've done it with him. Yeah, so he'll cast every once in a while, but usually he's done it with him. And he's done mine a few times, and he fucking loves Bustin'N's balls. Because Jamie didn't pass him when he first saw him. real eye for talent, huh? That's why I met. That's why I met Bill Burr.

At the Laugh Factory, probably 97 when the show got canceled. He had a show with a bunch of people with their income stars. And he was depressed, he was down, and he did the right thing. He went to New York, he kept writing.

You know, because you're always going to be a stand-up, no matter what the fuck. Isn't that great? That's the beauty of this day. You could hide. You could hide them right. You go to coffee bean, or you could buy a Brazilian bowl

at 7-11. and fucking right, and something good will happen eventually. That's a good thing about this. And there's always work. You might have to go back to the grind to the Canoga Bowl for a couple weeks of fucking some Italian place, but after that, funny is funny, man. It cannot be fucking stopped.

A lot of these people think that there's shortcuts and shit. And I watch you, you know, as much as I could watch, and it's just amazing. It's just amazing that you're one of the guys that gave me hope. You put it, I would never, think I'd be at this table talking to you. I mean, that's the honest of God truth. It's fun to work. I love what you said to me about

closing the show. Because I don't care who closes. You know, you could close. I don't go to fuck. And you said to me, Don Marrera, I love what you can call my home name. Why don't you close the first show and I'll close the second show because I don't want you to have a pig like me

that late. True, it's fucking torture that late. The people, the late show is, Listen. Then you even arrange my schedule. You can still do a spot at the lab factory. You get there in time. Thanks, Joe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. I even said, you can say, get the fuck out of here. We're going to sit around and do what. Talk to who, what? What do you want to talk about? Somebody, I got armpit in my nose today. When you go to Jiu-Jitsu, sometimes you got an armpit in your nose and it got stuck.

Like, up here, like the hair is up here like my nostril. I have smelled armpit all fucking day after that. That's the downfall of Jitsu. It's just, it's amazing, darn. There's a bunch of kids out there that come up to you and say, you inspired me to try stand-up. Isn't that cool? It really is amazing that...

I'm telling you, man, when I saw you at the store, my head almost blew up. When I saw everybody who was at that tape, I owe a big thanks to. Because they let me know, Lenny Clark. When I saw him, I pulled him aside. Good dude, Lenny. I pulled him aside. You know, I explained to Andrew, thank you.

I remember sneaking Andrews tape. into the halfway house, New Year's Eve, because they wouldn't get letters go out New Year's Eve if you were in the halfway house. And I said, fine, how much does it cost to come? They're like, but you can rent the conference room. No alcohol. Just food.

I go, I'll rent the conference hall. I rented the roof for like $55. Who is this? In Seattle? Boulder, Colorado. Oh, wow. At a place called BCTC, Boulder County Treatment Center. It was a halfway house.

You went there until they lay you out when you got out. It was fucking amazing sitting there in New Year's with a bunch of people laughing. But again, it seems so far away. And then coming to L.A. and seeing everybody and going, what the fuck? I'm walking with these guys, you know? Yeah, that's cool. It's just a beautiful fucking thing, Dom Rivera. That's it.

I have to call people by that first and last name. That's how I was raised. In Jersey, you don't call people. You call Dominic Special. Anything about saying? I'd rather you call me doctor or professor. I'll call you a fucking doctor, professor. I'll call you anything.

My main motherfucker man. What did I put last week on Facebook? Come see us, the teacher and the fucking student. I call you the teacher. I call you the teacher. Student is teaching the teacher now. Fucking unbelievable. Students teaching the teacher.

Let me tell you something, man. Stand-up is like anything else. And I look at these comics now that are still plugging away. You guys are better than ever. You guys, but the general public doesn't know about you. I'd tell you if it wasn't for young people, I'd have no career. No career going. I had a 19-year-old Asian girl.

fucking so fucking hot. And she comes up to me to take a picture after her and I go, how old is she? She was 19. I go, did you know he were coming to see tonight? She goes, hey man, funny's funny. Like you said, a little bit ago, at Rutgers, right? I thought, how fucking lucky am I? It wasn't for kids like that. I wouldn't have a career. I couldn't depend on 50-year-old gumbas

to fill my houses, you know? Nah, those people don't go out no more. No, it's all about the... And, you know, I always felt a little old. I always feel weird. When somebody takes a picture and I get back to my room after a gig and I go on Facebook and there's a picture of me, I'm like, boy, I'm old with that young kid. And then I think about

how I would have... In 19, fucking 84, I would have sucked Rodney Dangerfield's dick after easy money. If he would have took his dick out, I would have sucked it. I didn't give a fuck how old he was. Who did I like in 1984? You liked Annie Murphy? And you like fucking, whatever. That's it.

Rodney and Caddyshack was as funny as it gets. Rodney and so many things. What's the fun? I loved them in Caddy Shack. That's why Targas, I'm either young. I still watch Easy Money once a week. It's on my DVR.

And I watch different fucking sections of that here and there. And he put me in one of his movies, Don, towards the end. He put me in one with, who directed it? Harry. Harry. I was in the fourth tenor. Which one were you in? I was in the jail one.

Back by midnight. He goes, I like you, kid. just coming every day. They didn't have a name for my character. You were just kid? I would just walk up to, they'd say, am I working tomorrow, and I go see Rodney.

And I go to the trailer, and I knock, and he go, what's up? Am I working tomorrow? Yeah, Jojo, come down tomorrow. Come down and hang out. We'll find you something. You're all right. You're all right.

It's fucking amazing, the journey. And that was one of the guys that another one that I never thought, I was in front of the laugh factory. I need somebody to reach out and touch me. And they called me and said, you have an audition for a new Rodney movie. They have an offer on the row, but they still want you to come in.

Harry called me in, which I never ever. I always be grateful Harry. He's a good guy. We're doing a gig, July 4th weekend at the, what's it called, the Coronado, Del Coronado Hotel, the one where they did something like it hot. Okay. San Diego, Harry's going to host, and me and Jim, the guy with the bass fiddle. You know him, the English guy? Jim Taberbury.

I don't know what that is. He's good. Now, is he still doing the Vegas, Harry Basil still working the Vegas Ice Factory? Yeah. He's, I think, part owner, part manager, and he still does his act there. Very nicely.

See what you learn currently? You learn that fucking persistence pace. Look at that fucking smile on his face. How long total have you been doing stand-up for now? I passed the improv in 1980, So I guess a year before that Improvinated in New York So 32 years, 34 years, something like that year

32 years, like I said Joey, if I ain't good now It ain't gonna happen. It ain't gonna tweak in next week. That's fucking brilliant career. You motherfuckers can't do something for three weeks. Three fucking weeks you can't do something. You cock-suckers get on the computer and you got a mind fuck. I'm gonna kickstart a movie.

Go fuck yourself for Kickstarter, cocksucker. You got to put in the time. 32 fucking years. We also did a movie together. I don't know if it's got. It's gotten released 18 times. They released it three years in a row. You can't get a release date.

The boxing movie, Jake Lamata. Oh, you were in that? The Raging Bull. I never saw it. Me neither. Me neither. They did a screening. What's the guy's name?

The director? I don't know. Everybody's in that movie. Nice guy, though. I like that. Every Italian in L.A. is in that movie. Even Bill Bellamy. Who was a real good actor, TV actor?

Not Joe Belongia. I can't remember the Italian guy. Real good. He's got a series. There was a lot of people. Joe Montagnan. That's what. Martin Guilie?

Joe Moly. Joe Montania. Paulie from Goodfellas was in it. Michael, whatever was in it. I mean, read the list. There was some fucking people. William Forsyth, Joe Montania, Paul Serino. Paul Serrino.

Yeah, I did my scene. Tom Seismore. He's a great actor. Tom Seismore was in it. Who else? Joe Cortezzi. That's right. Bruce Davidson.

I was just watching Sorbino. Gloria Leachman. Glorice Man? Yeah. All-Star cast, though. I love her. Keep reading. It goes deep.

I'm telling you. Let's see. The fuck, Lee, you're slipping. Keep reading. I'm trying. I'm trying to let's see for good names. Russell Gannon. I don't know if you know.

They're all good names. John D.A. Alexander. Seth Bailey. Dave Colbert. Anthony Bonaventoro. All right. They got nobody. I don't know.

Cocks Suckers. Let me give some shoutouts here to some beautiful fucking people who are twit, love, and the whole thing. I don't even know what the fuck I wrote here. Pay Alex. Megan Slander, Zajo, 39, Ruben Garabee, Alabama, smooth,

and mighty far. You get a fucking shout out. All right. A Monday night, have a fucking party. Do whatever the fuck you need to do. You know Uncle Joey loves you. Domera, what can I say? At Domera is,

my Twitter. At Domera, is your Twitter. And Dom Rear Live from Laugh Factory. My podcast is Domare Alive from Laugh Factory in maybe six months

whenever you want to come home again? No, I've done it twice a minute. It's a good podcast. I don't want to ride you, but I just want you. I love when you do it. You know me, dog. I love all that shit.

I love going into Hollywood seeing some crazy people. I'm looking forward to this weekend, Don Maraererra, for many reasons, to sit there and watch you because it's always really good to sit there and watch somebody and get

inspired and learned. So to me, this weekend, isn't about the dough, or Lee breaking my balls a weekend because he wants salami in the green room. Lee always complains. What's the fucking salami in the green room? Lee's changed.

Remember the old Lee? He could talk to him. He was down there. Now he won't even read fucking names. He won't do nothing. He doesn't want to read the fucking sponsors. He don't give a fuck. Lee used to be a little guy.

Now he's a big shot of limo, his bitches. I hate to say, you bastard, but I'm thinking it. I'm thinking it. I'm not saying. People fucking buying them. Dennis and my life's vitamins and shit. Let's give a shot. Talk. Speaking of

vitamins. You know, you got good vitamins and you got bad vitamins out there. You got people don't give a fuck. As far as people who give a fuck, you got to go to Honit. Honit is not even a vitamin. It's a supplement. It makes you a fucking superhero. Let me tell you something. If Superman had it, there

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creatively instead of just fucking a straight, you'll throw in the air and punch on the way down. Lee, this is the shit you've got to do nowadays. That is beautiful without even reading the Q-Card. No, who needs a fucking cute card? I'm talking these people from the fucking heart here. Fuck a Q-Cut. I'm telling you right now, knock the shit. Go to Onet.com.

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No. I'm doing fucking three more. podcast I'm doing tonight and I'm done for the fucking week Cugs like I was with the questions Hey Joe thanks for doing it tonight Relax So I can make it We still got another hour and a half

Relax we got shit to talk I got a pee I got the Spamoni coming No I got some crazy Silly talk You think you're dealing with you You think you're dealing with some fucking novice

I got spumoni I got fucking Toilene I got everything Presuto We're knocking Lee off the die Lee you'll be on that fucking treadmill To the year 25 25 time. You want to walk them there? I'll just talk to these people alone, don't

wait. Don't say anything nice. By myself. I love you, motherfuckers. On a daily basis, this was a special fucking podcast for you because we're not doing one Wednesday morning. Don Marrera came in and was very fucking nice. I appreciate you people hanging around and giving us fucking props on Monday night. I want a little crazy thing with the flag list. Some days you've got to get fucking stoned. What do you want from me? You want me to walk around straight and be some fucking hokey-doke motherfucker? Fuck that shit. I got shit to do. You understand me? I get up in the morning and say, I go to fucking Jitjit,

I'm trying to put it together. I'm a fat fuck. I ain't no fucking Andre Galvow. But I got to keep fucking going. You understand me? Because that's the only way I'm going to lose this fucking fatness in these fucking fat cells and shit. Look at this cock sucker,

bothering me with this new fucking haircut. I hope you put gel in your hair, cock-suck. I made it a point. I brought it. I brushed it. He was supposed to go walk around the park. You think he walks around the park? You said he couldn't find a park.

I went to the gym for 15 minutes. I went in the gym for 15 minutes. Okay, so here This is park What are you bothering me for? No, let me defend myself What the fuck? You're sitting here like

I can't get Your eyes or sealed shut Okay What Stop coffee You bother me now All right guys Listen to this

So this is park To the biggest intersection In North Hollywood I see a parking spot At 830 in the morning And I went to go To go left And it was rush hour traffic

And I was high in the gummy and I had a panic attack and I had to go home but I went to the gym I did 50 minutes on the elliptical first time ever Why you bullshit me? I know I took a picture of it because I knew Somebody said they saw you You were fucking watching TV eating apples

At the fucking what At the gym? At the gym Where do you sit down and watch TV? You know what you sit down and watch TV Don't fucking let them You know why you bullshit me Why you bullshit me? How long did you go to the Y4

or the other place? What place? 24-hour fitness? Yeah. Fifteen minutes? Fifteen? Fifty. You did the whole thing for 50?

Yeah, I mean, it was like on like level four, so it's not nothing fancy, but... Lysayat just started his work on next thing. Try it. Try it. It's a fucking x-ray. No. All you'll see is... Just a less chubby one.

He's a handsome little devil, you know what I'm saying? But I love you, cock-suckers. Thank you for today for the two podcasts. I want to thank Dom Aere. Please. Thank you, Joe. If you're not doing nothing this weekend, you're in the Valley, Pasadena, calabasas, I don't give a fuck where you are.

Come on down. 8.30, 10.30 show. The shows will be packed. Fantastic bitches, explosives. People will be dumping up and down. There'll be drugs down there if you take mushrooms, cocaine, heroin. Everything will be available to you. Everything's legal.

We don't fuck around at these fucking shows. This is a festival. We got everything down there. Bazookas, guns, sons of anarchy. You'll be down there, riding motorcycles. What else? The Flying Jew will be there. What night are you coming?

I don't know. Maybe Saturday? You're not coming with the broad, are you? I don't be showing up there. with the bra, all these bitches. Last time we did the show, there was some chicks talking to Lee and shit. Oh, that looked like a professional dick sucker, Donna Redder. No, she didn't.

She was lost. She was cute, but she looked like a good. What do you think professional dick suckers look like? They got it together? They lost. She didn't even know about, like, she came in because she saw her on a flyer somewhere. And she saw the flying Jew was going to be there. No, she didn't.

I was on a flyer. She was checking you out. Come on, cut it out. You got to give yourself more credit. You're a sexy fucking Jew. You are hot. He's fucking hot. You have some music for us.

What? Huh? You get some music for us or what? Yeah, is the show over? Fucking over. That's it. Don't you feel it? Don't you feel the electricity in the air, cuck, Sucker?

Joe, thank you, brother. I love you, my brother. Thank you very much for coming in. You guys are always great. I love you, cocksucker. Stay black. Lee, hit it. Tell him.

Tell him what's going on. I'm telling him, tell him. We'll take it time. All right. I don't like his attitude lately. No, no. He's changed. He's changed.

He's better. He's changed. He's better. He's changed. I'm sorry. Now that the show is over, remember to go to naturebox.com and order great tasting, healthy snacks at 50% off. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and baked sweet potato fries. Support the podcast and get 50% off of your first order.

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