The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #193 - Joey Diaz, Bret Teck and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 7, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by supplement specials Bret Teck. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Escapepodtank.com Mention Joey or the Church and get $250 off. Recorded on 07/07/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. When you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, that's Huluplus.com slash Joey. And by Dollar Shave Club.com. Get high-quality rinsers sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now, go to dollarshave club.com slash church. That's dollarshave club.com slash church.

Or just go to joey ds.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. This show is also sponsored by honor.com. Go there to get AlphaBrain, Shrm Tech Immune, Shrm Tech Sport, everything like that. Use Code Word Church to get 10% off. And our favorite escap pot tank.com. They have all your sensory deprivation tank needs. But if you mention Joey Diaz or the church of what's happening now, anything like that, they're going to save you an additional $250.

Oh shit. Oh shit. We're back, bitches just when you thought it was safe. What the fuck? Where's the church at? We didn't go yesterday. We were lighting firecrackers. Watching a soccer game. I don't give a fuck.

It's Monday, motherfuckers. What? All about the fucking Benjys. The day the devil was buried at sea. Andrew, you bad motherfucker. What? Who this? What?

Wash that pussy out of that fucking nutsack. It's going to be a humidity bull day today. Scrub the barnacles out of that. asshole, motherfuckers. You're an American. It's over. You were eating fucking hot dogs and hamburgies. With your fucking flag, you cock suckers.

Today's the day, motherfuckers. What's the story, Cucas? Is there anything better feeling than putting a little powder on your balls? Nothing. Feels great. Nothing. When you come out of that shower and you dry them and you put the gel in your head, do you trim your little nose hair, a little deodorant.

Now your balls are air dried. You put a little powder in it. Poof. nice and cool. You put them under the nut sack right there by the fucking taint and you rub a little on your asshole, so your first fart, that fucking special effect

effect to it, you know what I'm saying? It's Monday, cock suckers, July the 7th, get your shit together. It's over. The barbecues, the bullshit. How many cheeseburgers did you have? What's going on, Coxsack? Do you have a good 4th of July? I had a really good

weekend. What'd you do, Lisa? You know what? And it's got, okay. I have a story to tell you And I'm not trying to make it seen I'm not bragging So I was coming home from 4th of July It was a long fucking day And it was hot

Because I went down And the south We went to a park And the thing we fucked up is Apparently down there You have to get to like 9 a.m. We got to the park at like 1130 And we got a spot in the shade

But we didn't get a spot with a table So they brought They brought a bed spread from home not even a blanket, like a beach blanket. They brought a breadspread. So we had a place to sit, but when he's down on the ground for four hours, it takes it out of you. So we were coming up the 405, and I was just talking, and I noticed a guy pulled over. And I normally don't notice, but there was an old man with a walker on the side of the 405 at like 4 o'clock on the 4th of July.

And Paul and I were headed to the gym, and I don't know anything about cars. I don't know one thing other than how to turn it on. but I was like this is an old man with a fucking walker on the side of the 405 and people are just whizzing by him and I was like fuck so I said I said we have to turn around so we turned we got on we got on the 4-5 cell and went and turned around and if I got to him

I was just going to go call AAA sorry because I don't know I don't know shit and it's actually something I'm kind of embarrassed about because I don't know how to change oil I don't know how to do shit so I pull up and this other collar pulls up and I look at her

as a younger lady She's like, are you here for him? She's like, no. And I'm like, okay. So I get to him, he has a blown out tire and then she comes up. There's two people with blown out tires

and this old man has the tools and I'm like, fuck. He's trying to do it. He's like this old southern guy. I'm like, I'll help you, but I have no idea. So I start helping him with it

and then this, luckily, thank God, this like 30-year-old woman pulled over to So she knew how to do it really. Whoa. So I learned how to change a tire. And it took fucking an hour because it was his front one. So we took the back one off and we put the spare on the back

because he didn't want to put the donut on the front. And then we put the donut. And then we put his back one on the front. And then that woman who pulled over the first one, she had the fucked up one too. So he had to change her tire with his tools and took about an hour. But I felt great. Like, I was sunburned afterwards.

I was, like, I was thinking of you saying I was going to get sun. But I had, I had no idea. Like, I knew, like, the theory behind changing a tire, like, just the spinning the nuts or whatever. But I had never done it. And I did three of them that day. And it was, like, I felt, like, I felt great about it. And I just felt so bad. Like, who isn't going to stop for an old?

He literally had a walker with the tennis balls on the side of the 4-05. And I'm like, no one's stopping for him. You're a regular Johnny volunteer. I guess. You know how to do it. You can stop. I know how to do it. But I stop.

I don't fucking know. It depends how I'm feeling. God, but I... It's America. Yeah. And, you know, you really want to believe that people really care. Exactly.

But they fucking don't. And the ones that walk around with the badge on their chest that they care and their good Samaritans, those are the biggest scumbags in the fucking world. Yeah.

You know? I'm happy that you pulled over and helped the fucking old guy. You know the mentality behind that that someday your dad's going to be stuck? That's what I thought of. And somebody's going to help him. You know, that's the mentality behind those things like that. But you're living somewhere that people give a fuck about their careers.

People don't look you in the eye. Why would they fucking pull over the help of them, man? Why? You're in the land of fakeness. You're in the land of every fucking cause, but the cause in front of them. Yeah. You know, they're for every cause. Save the dolphins, save the shark, save the shark tooth.

Save fucking everything. but the fucking, the cause that's in front of him is the one nobody ever sees. And I'm guilty of that also. You know what I'm saying? I mean, we're all guilty of that. Kudos for you, cuck sucker. Look at you playing Johnny fucking AAA.

I felt, I felt back. They do changing fucking clothes. I know. Because when they jacked the fucking car up, they don't know how to jack it up and it breaks and the people fucking get killed by jacks. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Luckily, he told me, he's like, there's a little lip. But do you know how to, I... I've changed a thousand. I'm no fucking car genius. I could change oil if I had to. I don't know if I would even find the nut underneath and put the bucket and you loosen it. And I can change the oil filter if I had to.

I could change the air filter if I had to. I don't know about that shit no more. Those days a long fucking gun, you understand? Yeah. Uncle Joey's road fucking days. I used to have this car and I had every tool imaginable and to fix that car. Yeah.

Like I had a fucked up radiator. But if you put one of those things in the radiator, it fixed it for six months. Okay. You know, like you, you Puerto Rican, the fucking car up, you duct tape it, you know. But that's pretty interesting that you pulled over. And then yesterday you went to the movies. Yeah, yes.

I had Paula for the weekend. And you and I talked and you were like, well, you could go to this bar. And at the end of the day, like, because we're trying to eat healthy, you can't get anything healthy. And I never buy pay-per-views. But I was like, well, I'm going to spend $60 at a bar. I'll go out to dinner and we'll get a, we'll do it here. So we did that. Yesterday, we went with her mom and her cousin to see that horror movie.

It was nice. I've been listening to what you're saying about family is important on the weekends. And I've never been close with a girlfriend's family before. And, like, the mom and I are getting pretty cool. The mom was making fun of me for being scared at the movie. And it's, because the mom, it's a joke. Her mom keeps saying, like, when you leave me, I'm going to die. but recently she said,

oh, now that you have lead, I can die happy. And it's just how dramatic like mothers get, like when they get a little bit older. But I don't know. It's been cool. You know, you're involved in the relationship

and you're part of their family. It's so weird when you get involved with somebody's family. I'm good friends with Terry's family. I like them. I enjoy them. You know, I can't be around them all the fucking time. Yeah.

I don't think I'll go to the movies at those crazy motherfuckers, you know, but I enjoy them. I don't understand how people are married and they don't like the other person's families or, you know, that just causes fucking, you know. Drama from the beginning. And, you know, at the end, man, you want to be on those weekends around with the people you love. You know, you feel more at home with your family. Whenever I stay at home, sometimes later, I don't know how to handle life.

Because there's a lot of sit-in-town with mercy. There's a lot of, well, I'm going to watch a thing. for an hour and I draw with her and I'm on the floor and I'm watching videos with her and I'm thinking to myself I should be writing my book, I should be writing jokes but I think of myself, no. I'm 51 years old. I got a second

shot at this. I should be spending time with it. This is what I feed this family time. Yeah. It's how I feed my joke writing. And your book's going to get done and everything else will get done. Yeah. If you don't live your life, you got nothing to write about. Right. You have nothing to write about it. You don't live your fucking life. Let me ask you

some. Do you know exactly what's going on with the Opie and Anthony thing? Do you know exactly the degree of things? From what I read, he's saying he got punched in like Times Square area, taking a picture. And then he since deleted the tweets. So unless a reporter saved him, I can't see them. From what I read from some of them, he was saying, she was like an animal, which is fine. If I got punched in the face, I'd be pissed off too. To me, it seems like he got in trouble when he started saying something like, she's black and I'm white it's hard being a white man and just going off a little bit about that

I didn't fully read it but it seems like he went off on race and XM got scared but after how many decades of them being on the radio I'm surprised they still got scared you know it's amazing what's going on now and it's amazing I'm amazed by the two the two things from this that

you have to be very careful with your choice of words now what did you happen to Adam Richmond too? The Food Network guy, yeah. He said something on Twitter or something? On Instagram. He said something. This one is even more stupid. He said he was working out and he used the hashtag Thinspiration.

Like to inspire people to get thin. Apparently, people are using that online to be pro-anorexia. And this blogger got pissed off at him. And then he just responded like anyone would and then Travel Channel. They didn't cancel the show, I think. I think they just put it back a little bit but. It's really amazing.

how sensitive we are as a fucking society. Yeah. And how, you know, we're run by corporations, and they have a thin line of a thin margin and fucking, you know, when they don't like something, you're fucking house, you know? Yeah. But the other thing about this whole thing that taught me is where the fuck people's heads are and how much we become suckers.

Like, we're becoming a fucking society of suckers. All weekend long I kept getting these fucking stupid tweets about, you know, show you support show your support let me tell you some i love anthony and i think anthony's a funny fucking guy i think it's a great show and they do a good job and they'd be in new york for a long time but there's nothing like you you fucking guys are impressed if somebody writes something like that that's what you're impressed you know like oh yeah i'm supporting anthony you want to fucking support somebody go in front of serious going front of serious the people that work with anthony should say you know what we're not going fucking back to you put them on you know nothing

happens to your fucking it comes down the dough and that's when people back the fuck up what happened to Operation Operation What's that? What happened to the operation We were going to stop corporations And people were going to live outside

What happened? Oh what happened? What happened? What happened? You wouldn't put away your fucking phones So the commitment was off You know, you people want to Work on 30% commitment

Because somebody tweets I'm supporting him I love the fucking guy But do I have to write everything down show my support and solid fucking direty what the fuck is wrong with you people let me tell you some a couple fucking years ago a man by the name of joe rogan who's got a lot of motherfucking faults but he's a great guy and he's very fucking generous with his time used to go down to that comedy store every fucking week on a friday and saturday and do spots for free not

only that he bought him a fucking sound system he bought him a fucking sound system okay 10,000 12,000 13,000 dollars when was the last time of any of you bought a sound system for anybody And one day he got thrown out of there because somebody allegedly was a joke thief and he put a video, I don't fucking know, and who gives a fuck? The moral story is that Friday, everybody was supposed to go down there and march for him. And I'll tell you what, what happened to the fucking march? You know what? The people who were supposed to leave Gersh, two of them left. Louis C.K. and Dave Attell.

Everybody else fucking stayed. Oh, because the agent had this. Where was the solidarity then? You see, solidarity ends when it comes down to paper. When it comes down to you losing paper out of your fucking pocket, that's when you shut the fuck up because where's your solidarity? Where's your fucking commitment? See, me, I'm the different type of guy.

I don't give a fuck about money. I was looking for a job when I found this one. And one way or another, I'll go pick, I'll make a fucking dollar. I don't need you motherfuckers or this shit to make a fucking dollar. So if I stand for somebody, I go in for 100%. Till this day, I won't step foot in a fucking comedy store. Joe Rogan's not my brother or my best fucking friend in the world. He loves me and I love him.

But the action is louder than me. I'm Twitter. I don't go to fucking kill Tony's. I don't go to fucking kill Tony's. And I love Tony Hinchcliff. And I love Red Band. They're my brothers. But you don't see me down there in Monday.

That's the commitment. You want to fucking, you want Anthony to get his job back, cancel your subscription. Don't tell me what? What am I going to do about fucking Ozzie's Bone Yard? What am I going to do about fucking Jim Norn? I have serious too. What the fuck do you want us to do? So stop with the, you know, with the, you know, what?

Well, if you type something, that shows how much committed. Don't believe the hype. We're a society of fucking suckers. Your parents are raising fucking suckers to make us fucking gullible. We really are. We believe anything. Well, I'm supposed. Well, look at him. He's so cool.

Get it fucking together. You got to hear what these people say behind closed fucking doors. So just don't worry about fucking so much about saying something on Twitter. That whole thing. It's your fucking actions that count. If you're not going to commit to it, 150%. Shut your fucking mouth. When you go down to Sirius and go,

you know what? I'm going to fucking put a bomb in my nutsack and I'm going to pull this fucking string. If Anthony don't get his job back, if you're not going to do that, shut the fuck up, all right? With your little words. You people, the same people that got impressed with Chale Sutton. Where is he today?

Where is he today? Remember how mad you guys got? No, Jones is a pussy. He won't fight him on three weeks. Remember? Remember how they all went? Where the fuck is he now? He's not around no more, but Jones still is around. Shut the fuck up. Unless you're going to, you people get impressed by the littleest fucking things.

Oh my God, well, he wrote on Twitter. Oh, well, the fuck out of here. Get it together. Get it fucking together, you fucking suckers. Stop being a sucker all your fucking life. Plus, this is probably the best thing that never happened to him. He gets to have his podcast now. You know, people are just so fucking,

was so into the words. So, well, he said that, you know, oh, my God. He's such a good guy. Let me see him go down there. and put up the fucking Guitus. Because at the end of the line, this is it. This is it.

Getus! How much you're putting up? What are you doing? Oh, nothing. I can't quit my job. I have benefits. They shut the fuck up, bitch. Let's shut the fuck up.

What happened? The operation we're going to take down the corporations. Where's the stinky basses in the tent? They found out they... I need to use an iPhone to take pictures of the stars. You know, oh my God. If I see Uranus, get the fuck out of here, you fucking Jack Forbes.

You're all the same. You're simple. Cut it out. Who gives a fuck? At the end of the fucking day, Anthony will get a job and all you motherfuckers that were. We love Anthony.

What do you do? I want to be around. Where you bring it up a little bit? Cucksuck, it's Friday, July 7. Get it together. Stop being a fucking sucker on your life and believe in everything you fucking read on Twitter. Fucking Jack Ops.

Oh shit. Watch that muffler. Today's the day. It's a lucky day. Get a lottery ticket. Do something, Cucks a second. Pick up the pieces Do you see your eye hall speech after

After he won? That's pretty great Who? Y'Rai Hall, the guy who broke his toe? Like his speech when Joe Rogan came up to him But how if you're not Following your dream he's just existing It's pretty cool

It's pretty cool What's a fucking talk Get it together Just a fucking promise What? Somebody Who Stand to be true

used to do with me who leave you to learn that misery loves company that's it these motherfuckers want to see you down there's a fuck wait and see you're gonna be around how's your fourth my fourth was fucking great man I went to a block party in studio city with the baby and they had like this water thing they had a band they had uh free food you know and hamburgers and hot dogs and cake pie eating contests. I've seen Dave Grohl down there hanging out. It was very interesting. I had a great 4th of July.

It was really nice to stay home for two and a half weeks. I did the ice house, but it's time to get the fuck out of Dodge and stuff like some jokes and going back on the fucking road. It breaks up my week a little more. I had a good week last week. I had a great time. Very interesting fort. I spent it with them.

What did you think of the fights? The fights were great. The fight's Ronda Rousey is just unbelievable. I didn't watch BJ Penn. I wasn't home. I watched three rounds and my heart was fucking broken. Really? Is he lost?

Yeah. It's all over. If anybody needed testosterone last night, it was BJ Penn. That's too bad. But it's crazy how I was watching the Wayans the other day. And the fucking funny thing is when you watch the Wayans, everybody on that stage is on fucking drugs. Really?

Even Ariane Celeste is doing something. Her face is changing. Dana's heads this big. Jorogan's heads this big. Fratita's heads this big. All you see is a fucking bunch of fucking huge heads from the fucking testosterone. The only guy that's not on test is the black guy,

bud and fucking, maybe he's even on testosterone. The guy that runs out, Bruce Buffer and jumps up and down. Yeah. Everybody's on fucking. Even the microphone was fucking on testosterone. You know, everybody's on the scales on testosterone. Even the guy from Nevada is on fucking testosterone. It's amazing.

It's amazing. So they have like, you know, it's a rampant fucking epidemic now. Yeah. And it's that fucking, and it's not, listen, the thing I don't even know, if you go online and look at the percentages of prescriptions, they've given out in testosterone in 2013, 2012. It is un-fucking believable. It is unbelievable because it's to save all medication.

for older guys now. It's the one now they're hooked on it. They know the verbiage. They know the whole fucking deal with it. And you know what? It fucked me up because I'm a fat dude. Like that fat dude shouldn't do it.

Okay. A little nerdy motherfucker that's like that half a fag in the commercial. You know, you law intestine? That motherfucker, he's had needed, he was, he needed it at birth. Do you see Jose Cansego's doing a commercial now? Foh.

For an over-the-counter testosterone thing. And I'm like, that guy did so many steroids and they're having him do it. You know, that fucking guy, dog, did so many fucking things. That poor guy doesn't even know who the fuck he is no more. When you see him out, you could tell he's as confused as fuck. Really? I was fucking with him one time at a UFC thing.

I was tormenting him one time. I had never met him before. I had never, ever, ever met Jose Canseco before. And he happened to sit next to me with his daughter and his wife at a UFC. And I started talking to him in Spanish and saying, You don't remember me? Because I had friends that used to go play basketball at his house about 15 years ago. Okay.

So I would go to Miami to do comedy, and the guys would always say, if you want to go to Concecos and play basketball, I'm not going to fucking Concecos to play basketball. So I saw him at this UFC, and I started busting his balls. Like, hey, how are you doing? You remember me, Concello? He said, yeah, you look familiar. I go, you don't remember me from Miami? 95 playing basketball, and I started dropping names.

You know, Nick and Johnny had been bananas and all. He's like, yeah, yeah, how you doing, man, a long time? And I started talking to him in Cuba, just fucking with him. And that poor guy had no fucking idea. I was just fucking with him. Like, you know, remember that time we went to the fucking thing? And I started doing my cocaine things. Remember that time we were fucked up with your brother?

He's like, yeah. Oh, my God, that was such a long time. Like, what are you talking about, you fucking retard? That's his terrible. The poor guy. And then Frank Meier came over who was all. also Cuban. Okay.

Frank Mayer, looked at the aisle. And he's like, what's going on? I remember saying a remark about Konseko. And then people started goofing on him. Like, people started throwing shit at him. And they moved him.

They moved him from our area. I think I was me, Ari, and Duncan. It was a big UFC, like one of those big summer ones. Yeah? And he came in and we just started torched him. It's like fucking Steven Seagal. Why he don't go to those UFCs?

people start yelling out and calling him who shot Bobby Lupo and all this shit Master you know all this shit and he just you know

but these guys walk into it I'm not gonna go in public if I'm one of those fucking momos I'm gonna watch that shit at my fucking house I don't want people throwing popcorn at me I didn't know that poor guy what he's doing now

wasn't he in tax trouble too probably he had tax problems I mean he's always doing those celebrity fighting things I mean he had the reality show he couldn't get into his house, they put a fence around his fucking house or something like that. I never saw that one.

No. Yeah, they did a reality show about him for like six episodes. Oh, that's funny. That's a sad fucking story, man. That guy went to see him. I paid money to see Concego. When I got married my first time in 89, my honeymoon was in San Francisco. Okay.

To go see the Oakland A's against the fucking Yankees. I love baseball, you know, so I went and lost a game. And it's amazing. Listen, I knew they were doing something. It doesn't take a fucking... When you see somebody that big right away, you know, I grew up at a time with steroids of fucking big in New Jersey.

And everybody was fucking doing them for whatever reasons. I just didn't like needles growing the fuck up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, thank God. I popped a couple of those anavars that they gave me one time, but I didn't...

I just... Even with the testosterone when I was doing it last year, I felt weird. I felt weird. Like, I was always doing something I shouldn't have been doing. Do you know what I'm saying?

Like you physically felt weird? Like mentally felt weird. I'm the type of guy snorted coke for fucking 90,000 fucking years. But if I go to a doctor and he actually pulled my pants down and put a needle in my ass, I felt kind of weird like I was doing something wrong. And I felt that way when I was young. Everybody was doing steroids and I would get like a prescription at anavar and I would take like three of them and lift weights and then go,

I don't want to be fucking yoked up. People are going to know I'm doing them. Right. You know, why do something that people are going to know? I don't know. I just didn't see the... Well, say what you want about weed, but let's just say, for a sake of argument,

there was something you could take that would make you funnier. When you do it, I mean, it's like... I can see why... If it was like... If I wasn't allowed to take it, do comedy...

You know, man, listen, I was a complete piece of shit when I was introduced to comedy. Like, I... I shouldn't say... say it that way. I was introduced to comedy a young age. But in my mind morally, at the time when I

got into comedy, I would do anything. I would put a gun to your head. I would break into your fucking window. And granted, I was robbing drug dealers and shit like that. I wasn't robbing old people on the 405 when they got a flat. I'm not that fucking much of a low life. So when I

got into comedy, I looked at it as my last chance. I really did. When I got into comedy, when I thought about getting on stage and I took that course and people like, you're kind of funny. You should stick with this. And all of a sudden, life, presented itself. I got the biggest opportunity in life.

I got a divorce. I had to start all over again. I had no money. So I had nothing to lose. When you have nothing to lose, you have nothing to lose. But one thing I told myself, if I get into comedy, I'm not involving my life into comedy. Okay.

You know what I'm saying? You know that actor that, there's an actor that plays a lot of bad guys. He was in usual suspects. He was also in a pulp fiction at the end. He's the guy that they're going to fuck Ving Rhames. Oh, yeah. The blue-eyed actor. Like, that's a guy that does drugs and he always gets arrested.

And sometimes don't book him in a movie, and he won't make it to the movie because he's doing time. Okay. You know, I was supposed to do a movie with him. And the last minute, they're like, no, he's doing 90 days for probation violation. Jesus. He can't get out of the half-house. And he's a great guy. I met him at the comedy store a couple, 10, 15 years ago.

I'm not judging them on that. I'm just saying that I didn't want to be that guy. I didn't want to be the guy that does time and then does comedy, six months of the year. I didn't want to be that guy. So when I decided to get into comedy, I decided I made myself a personal fucking promise that I wasn't going to involve my life into comedy. Like whatever I had done before comedy, I wasn't going to do it in comedy. So if I go to a comedy club and I saw a purse with $1,000 in it,

I wasn't allowed to touch it no matter how hungry I was. Okay. because I didn't want my character to ruin my destiny. That was the first time I practiced that without even knowing it. I never had known what that was. I didn't learn that saying till maybe five years ago, but that's the first time I didn't let my character ruin my destiny. I said, I'm not going to fucking let my comedy get in the middle of this.

And then I fucked up a little bit. In 97 on the road, I got arrested for shots. uplifting a tent in Boise, Idaho. You were going to return it, right? Yeah, I was going to do the return, and I got arrested, and that's the first time I disrespected comedy. The first time before that, I disrespected comedy, just to get it off the fucking radar before somebody asked,

was I got into comedy June 18th of 1981, was the first time I touched the stage. Okay. But May Memorial, what is it, St. Patty's Day? Okay. of 92 was the first and last time I did blow before I got on stage. And it was the last time I did it before I got on stage. You don't like it?

No, just so people know. I don't even mess with it. I would not do blow before I got on stage. Okay. If I had to get on stage at 10 o'clock, I would not do a line of coat. Trust me, it would be hard. But that was the discipline for me at the time, even though I was a junkie. Okay.

I think in the fucking 23 years that I'd done comedy, I did a line three times before I went on stage. Like, just because, like, in Miami, after I'd do two shows on those three shows Saturdays, I'd do a bump. And I would just go on stage as a third show, and it was just people were impressed that I was that high on stage. Like, I would get fucked up. I would drink a bunch of drinks, and people would send me shots.

And that's what the midnight show was about. The midnight show wasn't about the art. It was about fucking going. one up there and being fucked up. Somebody calling me. But it's so weird how I never disrespected my art. I never really tried to disrespect my art.

Okay. You understand me. So I thought between you and I, if something could make me funny, if you listen to any of my conversations, you know, I was talking to Rizzo, the other night to ha-ha,

about a week ago, and we were talking about when you first see the holes in your game. you don't really see a lot of holes in your game in comedy until you move to Los Angeles. You know, when you're on the road and you're in Seattle, you're running with your peers. So you're doing comedy and you're not really seeing your holes.

You don't see your holds and you don't feel your holds until you get squashed in between Nick DePaolo and Doug Stanhold. Right. Or Nick DePaolo and Jim Gaffigan or any of those great comedians who are very good at what they do as a craft, very set up punchline.

When you're an unorthodox comic and you're going in between them, you see the holes in your game. So it makes you work harder. You know, I'm from the Matt Brown Institute of Being Funny. I'm from the Chris Wyden Institute of Being Funny. It's about hard work. I don't want to hang out at the improv and hang out with people and market myself. And what do they call it? Networking.

Networking. You have a networking. You network on stage. Right. That's the best network there is. You don't network with a drink in your hand and a joint in the other. That's where you end up fucking dead. And you get this from me who was a fucking junkie.

I don't believe in that shit. You don't put a joint to your lips. You don't drink a beer to you got off stage. There ain't no party until you get off stage. When people called me on a weekend and said, hi, we're getting married, make their tink. Good for you. Good for you.

I got a comedy show. But what do you mean? You're not going to come in San Diego. It's going to be fun. Everybody's going to be there. I'll be there after I do. do a show. So the first thing I'm doing on May 13 is I'm booking a show.

If nothing else happens, I'll come to your stupid fucking wedding. Do you understand me? That was my philosophy. Everybody wants to fucking go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. That's how you do things. You want to become a better fucking fucker. You fuck things.

You want to become a better student. You study. When it came down to comedy, I did not fuck around. I sit down one hour, every day and go over my notes. every day at some part of the day I go in my notes I've been doing this in 20-something years

I don't need to do this but I need to stay current I love when a person comes up to me after the show and says Joey I saw you six months ago you did 20 minutes of new fucking material that means more than me than anything

it's not grade 8 10 o'clock the shit you put on the CV but it's getting that but at least something happened in my life yeah you know yeah and it's crazy what you said earlier is you don't see holes in your game

until you move to L.A. I felt that way when I was going from high school to college to do video stuff In high school I won all the awards and I was the big guy for video And then I went to college and the same thing happened from college to here Like everyone's everyone's always the best in their small town But then when you go where everyone's doing like fuck They're better than I am You need to keep fucking improving

Keep improving you know what All right so two weeks ago I didn't write comedy all week But I wrote the book I wrote in the book I'm trying to get a story ready for Ari's show September 9th but we're taping at the Cheetah I'm writing that you know people think I go up there and wing it

sometimes I love for you to think that and I thank you and I appreciate the fucking yeah I'm thinking in my mind but at the same time I go in there prepare let's get this good morning my friend good morning Joe how are you doing buddy how are you my friend what's happening

not much man it's another beautiful day the sun rose I broke up, so hey, it's a great day so far. You scratch your balls, you sniffed your fingers, and you said fucking the Lord lives, cucksuckers. Somebody's sucking my dick today without a condom. I'm showing up with a bag of popcorn and a big dick, and I got nothing but time.

You follow me? That's it. Every day. Every day's a show, man. Brent, I'm so happy you call today because, first off, you're a fucking gentleman. You're a young man, and you're a fucking gentleman. You work over here at this little vitamin store.

What's the name of it? It's Nutra Shop. Nutra Shop. They have one in Hollywood, and they have one in the Valley. And even though we're sponsored by on it, I get a lot of protein powder from them. I get sick of using the same protein powder, so I like to switch it up,

so I wanted to see Brett one day, and he blew my mind with his fucking knowledge. Brett was the first guy that told me I had to eat something when I woke up in the morning. Brett was the first guy that told me about muscle, You know, you have to put muscle on to burn more fat. And it's so funny, Brett, that to you, when you were telling me, you know, you thought you were just talking to, you know, a consumer that was educated.

I knew nothing about this. And when I left you, every time I leave you, I think about the people that by not going and talking to a guy like you are really missing the fucking boat. Absolutely. You really know, you know, a lot of people don't get into shape. And don't try to get healthy because they're scared. They don't know where to start. Lee, am I lying? No.

You don't know where to fucking start. You, it's like a drug. It's like one night you getting on your hands and knees and going, God, I'm sick and tired of doing coke, and I'm sick and tired of getting fucked in the ass. This has to fucking stop, you know. How do I stop doing coke and getting fucked in the ass? What do I do?

When you go to an AA meeting, you put fucking cotton balls on your ass? You know the concept pretty well. Have you been there? No, no. You know, I'm just trying to fuck around with you. You know, Brett, people are scared. You know, how does a person in today's society that's 60 pounds overweight and never gotten to a gym

when he walks into you, what do you tell him? Oh, you have to start with the basics, man. I mean, you always have to start somewhere in life with anything, you know. But when it comes to, you know, your health, your fitness, it's a whole consistency thing. It's not something where you can gain your success and one night. You know, you always start with the basics.

You have to start with nutrition. Of course, that's where it starts with. I always think it's 80% nutrition and 20% working out. You know, say if you work out five days a week for one hour a day, you know, you still have 23 hours left in the day to making sure you're putting the right stuff in your body. So the true result factor really comes outside the gym. And that's all based on nutrition, man. So I always write out like a whole meal sheet.

And it's a huge factor because, you know, you have height factor, you have weight factors. You have activity factors. Some people work, like myself, I'll work a desk job all day. I'm just pretty much stationary. I'm not really running around. I'm not really burning a lot of calories. So maybe for someone who's not as active, I'm not going to be having them. I'm going to have a whole different type of meal sheet that would be writing out for him. But now if someone is, like a UPS driver who's hustling around all day, totally maximizing their calorie burning, depending if they're trying to lose weight or put on muscle. There's a lot of different factors of a person's regiment,

and that's why I always ask the questions, and I try to break it down. I try to make it seem overwhelming for them because there's a lot, you know, to know about nutrition and also about supplements. But the beauty about the supplements is, you know, today in this area now we're so busy with, you know, family, with work, with hustling. It's a full-time job to stay on top of your nutrition.

So, you know, a supplement can make it very convenient, very easy. You can preload shaker cups with protein shakes and use as meal substitutes. You can use multivitamins if you're not getting all your full servings of fruits and vegetables and so forth. But, you know, but at least at the Nutri Shop, that's, you know, that's what I love is people coming in. By anybody walking into that door, they're already making that decision, like, all right, I'm going to change my life, you know. So they've already made that decision. So they have already taken that first step. you know, and the rest of it from that point is just the consistency and to stay motivated.

That's what I always try to do, too, just motivate people, whether they be uplifting their spirits. You know, I always keep in touch with my customers, you know, via email, or I always give them my personal number. So if they're out and about me, have questions. They can always contact me. I'm trying to make it as easy as possible because a lot of people do you lose that motivation, that drive to make them feel, you know, good because it could be discouraging. when you don't see those results right away. So you always just got to stay motivated and stay connected with the people and things that make you feel motivated too, you know.

Let me ask you this. I have a big question for you here. Why is it so important to, remember that day I was in there and the owner of the store was there and we were having a conversation? The thing he stressed was eating something immediately when you woke up. Right. Well, hey, that's why they call it breakfast. because you break the fasting of sleeping.

You know, when you wake up, you've got to get your muscles, first off, out of that ketosis state, you know, that catabolic state because, you know, say if you step from, you know, six to eight hours, which most of us only sleep really only like five to six hours, you know, you're pretty much fasting, you know. So when we wake up, right when you put your feet on the floor, your metabolism, it's revving up. So right away, your body's looking for energy to burn. You know, if you're not getting food into your body, you know, you're not nourishing the muscle. So therefore, now your metabolism is attacking that muscle and storing more fats.

You've got to get those muscles on lockdowns. Right when you wake up, you need a good source of protein and even some light carbs, too, because our bodies burn carbohydrates for energy expenditure throughout the day. But most importantly, you need the protein to help protect the muscle. Think of it as, like, I'm trying to think of an analogy here. Think of it if I put like a piece of flay mignon. a piece of fat in front of you. Joe, which one are you going to go for, man?

The filet mignon. That's it, baby. That's the same way it is with our bodies. You know, we have muscle. We have fat in our body. And our metabolism, it doesn't want the fat because, you know, fat protects your organs, and there's no good quality energy in fat. You know, that metabolism's going to go after that flay mignon, that muscle.

So you've got to get that muscle on lockdown with amino acids with protein. You know, once you get that muscle on lockdown, now you're, you're going to be forcing your metabolism just to tack into that body fat. You know, and that's why it's important to eat first thing in the morning. Now, you know, for somebody who's trying to lose weight, you see, you go to a gym, you do the stem master, the epileptic, or whatever the fuck you do, you run, your jog, you swim. Why do I see people with cups and they drink something before they work out and then they drink something immediately before they work out?

If I'm trying to lose weight, do those protein shakes affect me? Would they affect, like the ones that I take with you, when I switch off from on it, like I'll do the hemp force and then I'll do the protein shake. You give me the synthesis. It's two scoops. It's 300 calories, you know. So if you're on weight washes, it's basically five points, you know, so it's not that bad. It's zero carbs.

Do I drink one of those before I go to the gym? Well, for someone who's, say, if you're 30 or 40, you're maybe even 50 pounds overweight, and you're really just trying to lose body weight. You're not so much focused on muscle, but if you're really trying to lose the weight, I mean, some protein shakes can make some people feel a little bloated. It can make them feel a little heavy. Some people will go into the gym doing fasted cardio, which is pretty much just going into the gym on an empty gut. But the thing is, is you never want to work out on a totally,

empty systems. So that's why a lot of people, like that colored drink that you'll see people sipping on, will usually be like, you know, B-C-A-A's, which are branch-chain amino acids. Those also have like electrolytes, antioxidants in them. So at least this way, the amino acids, which are pretty much building blocks of muscle, you know, that'll help safeguard their muscle. So when they go in and do fasted cardio, they're just dropping body weight. They're not also experiencing muscle loss with it. Because we, you know, we all want to lose weight, but we don't want to our muscle weight, you know, either. And, you know, going into the gym on an empty stomach first thing right in the morning,

you know, a lot of people don't have that hump. They don't have the energy, you know. So a lot of people use those pre-workout supplements, you know, it's stimulant base, you know. Some are more like ginseng B-12 from, like, mood enhancement, natural energy for those that may be sensitive to caffeine. At least that will give you some energy, some drive just to kind of get through your workout a little bit more effectively, you know. Now, what about the after shake?

How come that's so important? Well, whether you're doing, you know, weights, whether you're on cardio, you know, you're wearing and tearing on your body. I mean, when you're in the gym, you know, you're not growing, you know, you're actually breaking down your body, your muscles. Even with cardio, you're working your lower extremities, your legs, which, you know, are your biggest muscle group in your body. So, you know, the protein is, think of it as like a band-aid, you know, to put on your muscles after a hard one. workout. It helps your body bounce back a lot faster. Even with cardio, you can still be filling that soreness, that achiness factor, which can carry through your day to be a pain in the butt, too. Something I can really recommend is glutamine. Glutamine takes precedence over all the

amino acids that are out there, and that's something that you can actually use with your protein post-workout, which is after, and that'll help eliminate that soreness by like 80-85%. It's huge. So the last thing you want to do is to be feeling all sore and achy, and then, you know, going to the gym the next day and break down your muscle all over again, you know, that's the last thing you want. You're just going to be spinning your wheel. So it's all about how you're bouncing back from your workouts. And after that workout, you have that little anabolic window.

So, you know, the sooner the better. Think of it is like if you cut yourself, you know, we start bleeding out. You know, the world stops. We put a bandied on it immediately. The same kind of concept. You know, you break down the body. You want to make sure you're nourishing it with protein and amino acids. It's an immediate band-aid post-workout.

My buddy, the Flying Jew, aka Lee Syatt, he's staring at me, all stone and shit. Oh, yeah. He just started a little exercise program, and I know that he's having a great time. I can see it in his face, that he's, you know, Lee likes to stay inside and lay in the bed and get his balls licked like the rest of America. And he's having a good time. Will you have any questions? I have a bunch of questions. Hit him.

So, and I'm not a tack. I had a fucked-up weekend with it, so I have, I have like a bunch of questions written down. So everything you just said is great. But, like, let's say we went next door and there was an identical store and there's an identical you. He might say something completely different. Like, the exact opposite of what you said. I went online, and I just put in Best Diet. and I got the U.S. News 2014 top diets,

there were 31 top diets with eight diet groups, and they reviewed 42 diets. If you go to a doctor with a broken arm, for the most part, they're going to do the same thing. Like, why are there so many different varying? And when I first started this, I put this on Twitter, and one person would say high protein. One person would say low protein, no carbs.

One person would say a lot of carbs, a lot of protein. Like, why are there, like, lose weight and do this? Like, why is it so many different opinions on it? All right. Well, you're totally right, man. Totally right. It's, we live in such a big market, not only with, you know, supplements, but also with knowledge and certain levels of education. You know, I mean, in the last five years, it's been, it's crazy.

I've been in the market for about eight years, and it's just, in the last five years, it's just been, crazy how it's just blowing up the supplements and the saturation of marketing. So you kind of have to, you know, do your own due diligence, really. And I tell everybody it's a big experiment. But you go back to the basics. Remember us growing up in school, we'd always have that little food pyramid. You know, the carbs, the protein, the good fats, and that's it. That was like the foundation of life, you know.

So I was trying to go back to the basics, go back to the roots. But didn't they just change the food pyramid? Like in the last couple of years? didn't they just change the food pyramid? Even that, even that there's people fucking around with? Of course. Well, I mean, well, nowadays with, you know, supply and demand,

you know, the way our food is, you know, our fruits, our vegetables aren't even as, you know, clean as it used to be, you know, with all the pesticides, you know, in our foods and the hormones that they put in our meats. You know, I'm sure the food pyramid has changed over the last decade. With the serving amount, I remember when it used to be like three to five servings of fruits and vegetables. You know, now I remember it went up to five to seven and now it's up to nine to fourteen.

So, you know, it's unfortunate that way. And that's the beauty about some supplements too is even if you can't get it from whole foods, at least like some free dry condensed down into powdered fruit and green supplements are actually a lot. I would say cleaner than you're actual getting fruit and vegetables in a produce store. Oh, wow. Okay, so here's the one that I almost burned down at Trader Joe's this weekend. So I swear to God. So I went out with my girlfriend and dinner, and we're going to go home and watch the fights.

And I wanted to get some snacks. I went into Trader Joe's, which you would think is going to be healthy. And we walked around, and a regular size bag of trail mix, which is nuts, which is what they tell you to eat, you look at the calories and I know that some people say calories aren't on all of it but that's I just started so I'm focusing on calories right now but when I looked a regular size bag

it wasn't even like a family size bag had 17 serving servings in the bag like so it's like how like how is that even and this isn't really for you but like how is that legal how

if a serving size should be a bag a half a bag, a regular-sized bag, I went yesterday to the grocery store, and a bag of gummy bears had six servings in it. And it's a bag that people are going to eat in two minutes. Like, how is that even, like, is that, like, how do you, when you're trying to lose weight, like, how do you tell people,

because calories are a big thing, that's the first thing you think about to have less of. And when they fuck with you with the serving sizes, it just, like, it seems like they're trying to, like, stop you before you even get started. But not to interrupt, Lee, or Brett, let me tell you something, guys. You know why? There's more fucking

diets than ever. Why? So we give ourselves more excuses. Yeah. Okay, we all know the diet you need. You need to push yourself away from the table. Yeah. You can't eat ice cream, no matter what the serving size is. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? We know. As Americans, you fucking know. Okay? When you wake up in the morning, you can't eat three

eggs, six loads of fucking bread and six cans of Coke. could eat an egg, a little fucking apple and some fruit, you know, and mix it up a little bit. We all know the answer, Brett. But the reason why there's 52 fucking diets is so we have 52 fucking excuses to fail. It's amazing. It's fucking amazing. You know, we also had Mike Docheon, who trains fighters.

You know, he's got a couple very successful books, and they're very interesting diets. If you like that type of food, but nine of the fucking 10 savages that weigh 800 pounds, don't eat. chia seeds. And they're never going to fucking cheer seeds, okay? Okay? They got to be 800 pounds because they don't fucking like broccoli with fucking cauliflower on it. So you have to find a substitute bread

as Americans and we're stuck and there's an answer. You know what? I started this whole thing when I was 418 pounds bread. I let myself go with the sleep at me and the drugs over the years and the binge eating and one day I woke I went to a Y

and I didn't even have three minutes of cardio at 0.5 on a treadmill. I have no reason to lie to America or you, Brent. And I had to quit the cigarettes and quit to blow and walk around the fucking neighborhood and, you know, embarrassed and not, you know, I'd go in the pool. I would never wear a shirt on.

That's even more embarrassing. Show those titties. If you're going to jump in the pool, show those tities, cock sucker. They got hair on them. Who gets a fuck? You know, and I went to Weight Watchers, Brent. And as gay and as womany as it sounds, I dropped 118 fucking pounds.

And all I did every day, Brett, I swear to God, was hit the bag at the YMCA. I started at three or four minutes and then get on the bicycle. I get on the bicycle now and I want to puke because after an hour you burn 60 fucking calories. But you get on the elliptical and you burn 500 calories in that same hour. Yeah. So the bike doesn't work for a guy like me no more. But I found that through experimenting. You know, for the last six months, I've put on weight every week between the kettlebells and the protein powder.

And I spoke to a friend of mine. He goes, I just want you to do jih Tzu for two weeks. Drink your protein, watch your diet, don't eat your breads. I've lost eight pounds. I've only been to jihitsu two times a week, and I went to the epileptic and hit the punching bag. So I was overworking myself, Brett. I was working five days a week and gain a fucking weight. The kettle bells, I think whenever I touch any of the punch,

Anything with metal on it, I put weight on. It just makes me automatically fucking hungrier, I think. And every time... Of course. Yeah, every time I touch a metal in the back of my mind means, oh, I got permission to eat the stick. You know? Yeah.

Well, think of it, too, man. You know, when you start lifting anything with metal, it's got weight distribution to it. So weight will break down your muscle more aggressively than just doing regular cardio. You see? So, and we all have different, you know, genetic makeup and hereditary. military dispositions. So, you know, say for some people that lift weights, they can put on muscle very quickly versus someone else, you know, so that could just be your genetic makeup of when you

start lifting weights, your muscles just respond to that, you know. So, but yeah, like you said, it's an experiment you have to run through for yourself. I've spoken to people for years. I had a friend in Syracuse that told me fruit is the worst thing you could eat. This guy looked behind the face and argued. I didn't even, I didn't get involved in the argument because, Because I kept thinking to myself, I've never seen nobody 800 pounds eating an apple on television saying that he needs help. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I can't stop eating oranges.

I'm 800 fucking pounds. You know, it's so weird. You know what, man? I find myself losing weight when I interrupt my day with fruit. Last night, my wife bought a, she bought something. Oh, she buys those cheesepups for the baby. I got to tell you something, those Captain Booty cheesepups. They can replace a blood job at night.

good ring to it. Oh my God. Pirates Booty. Pirates Booty? That's really good. They replace a blowjob. If you're warned up and you want somebody to lick your balls, do me a favor. Go to Rob's and buy the Pirates Booty cheesepuffs. Sit there, put your favorite TV show on. Eat a handful. And you won't

eat that. Is it one back ten servings? Something like a lot of it. But Pirates Booty actually looked. Looked not bad. It's not. My wife gets them for the baby because of that reason. It's like a handful is 80 calories, whatever it was. But I went for the Pirates booty and I go, ah, ah.

I ate a banana first, and I ate half a fucking cannolo, and I only ate three pirates' booties instead. Do you understand me, dog? So you've got to cut deals with yourself. It's about sacrifice also. I would love to eat that whole bag of Pirates Boat.

A couple weeks ago, I ate a pot cookie, and I went home, my wife woke up the next morning, she goes, where's the fucking cheap puffs? I go, I'm on my way, to get another two bag because I destroyed it last night. She goes, I can't believe you ate the baby's fucking cheese butter. I go, don't tell me, say something to the fucking pot cookie. Oh, my God.

No, it's nutrition. Listen, for years, I thought running up hills and shit, you can run up all the fucking hills you want. Everybody knows you're absolutely right. It's 80% nutrition. Until you start cutting the mayonnaise out and putting away that bag of chips. And, you know, that's when things start happening.

But again, Brett, we live in a society that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything. Right. You know, nobody wants to really, what would you think with what your products that you have done? I take a lot of your products and I'm very happy with them. I love the glutechore, you know, if I, before I go to, I was taking it after my workouts and still being sore and I want to go on and curse you out, but it wasn't until I started

drinking them at night and replacing them as a meal that I really started feeling the effects of the glutechore. Great. You know, before I hit the crib, a little milkshake, I wake up feeling like fucking, you know, Johnny bananas. Yeah, well, you know, when you're sleeping, you're, that's when your body's, you know, most effectively, when it's really repairing itself, for juvenating is during your sleep cycle. So that's a great time to use, you know, protein, glutamine supplement. But, you know, there's just like in the food industry, you know, in the supplement industry is a huge market. So, you know, I mean, my products are great.

I stand by my products, but it's just because over the years I've done a lot of due diligence and a lot of comparing to different products. And that's what you have to do with food and even with supplements is just compare supplement facts. And everything will have a supplement fact on the back. If it does, or I'm sorry, if it doesn't, then I wouldn't buy it, you know. But you always want to have that comparison of supplements just to compare apples to apples. And you just want to try to find the most effective, the most cleanest product. They could best suit your, you know, the goals that you're shooting for.

Right. Well, we always have this conversation, and you're very good explaining it, but I want you to explain. You know, like I said to you when I spoke to, I go, I want you to talk to me the way you speak to your customers, because you're a beautiful person, man. I've watched the way you handle different customers, and I'll tell you, there's most days that if I had your job, I know you want to get in the car at the end of the day and shoot up to 405 and jump off a cliff, but you've never given me that appearance. I've seen you early in the morning,

and you've always been a gentleman, and I've seen you at 7.30 at night after a long day, and you've always taking your time to speak to people, and if somebody comes in to see you, we always talk about protein powders, and you broke it down for me last week about why your protein powder is a little better with the weight protein, and it's, what was the word, time released?

Right. It's more of a blend. I mean, it's such a huge market for protein. I mean, that's the most popular thing, you know, whether or whatever goal that you're trying to get, again, it goes back to that basic, you know, that little food pyramid. You know, you always want, you know, a good protein in your diet, you know. But, you know, a lot of proteins out there, you know, first off,

and a lot of stillers, just even like in food, you know, a lot of these, it'll say, like, you know, the supplement facts, and then there'll be a little description of saying other ingredients. And it's like a paragraph long of, like, all these stillers of, You know, more salt, sodium, you know, potassium iodines and all this other. Just dump that shouldn't really be in, you know, a protein. It should just be protein. You know, it should be simple.

You know, a lot of proteins have gluten. A lot of them have sugars. A lot of them have a lot of, even sodium. It'd be like 4 to 600 milligrams of sodium per serving, which is salt. So that could cause excess bloating. So, you know, it all just depends what you're really trying to do. But the protein that you're on, the pro five, I mean, that's still a phenomenal a product, you know, you just always want to look at it, you know, the calorie, you know, the fat,

the saturated fats, the sodium, the sugars, you know, and also the ingredient list to making sure you're not taking in all this extra gunk, you know, words that I can't even pronounce, you know. You know, it's funny, I went to Burke Reisch's for a party about a month ago. He has a friend that was trying to put together a company, you know, he fell in love with a young girl, and sometimes when you meet a young girl, they talk you into bad fucking ideas. and he got talking into an idea to put money up for a protein ice cream bar.

And when I first saw him like a year ago, he was very gung-hoe and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he was jumping up and down, and he was counting his money already. And when I just saw him recently, it was just him and I for a couple of split second. I go, how you doing? How's the business?

And he goes, I never, ever, ever was more baffled by the vitamin and supplement business. He goes, you know, when you get a protein powder, it's amazing how much garbage there is in there. He goes, and I'm finding out that, you know, the same thing goes with these ice cream bars, that when I go to make them, the people that do all this specialty stuff are like, you know what? You don't need all this shit. They'll pay for it even with this shit in it. It's amazing.

And he was surprised how many scams there are and how many, but there's some companies like yours that really believe in it. Listen, man, people have to see results. You know, it's always funny. If you look on, I have, what do I have, Google or one of those pages? What's the other one? I believe that I have, Yahoo. Okay. If you look at Yahoo, they have all these results, like all these stories.

You know, Frankie Edgar knocks out BJ Penn. Somebody uses the N-word for Obama, you know, today. But if you scroll down, there'll be an ad by GNC, let's say. That's promoted by GNC. They just bought an ad, but you don't see it. And it said, you know, something about read what everybody's talking about, this pill they have that gives you more oxygen and all this shit. And it's amazing how much media is involved in the marketing.

You know, when I was a kid you had Joe Weeder. You're a young man. Lee's a young man. When I was a young man, if you wanted to get in shape, you bought muscle and fitness. And you brought it home, and there was one company. Yeah. It was Joe Weeder. His company also put the fucking magazine out.

So it was like stealing. It's like, you know what I'm saying? I mean, if you think about all the fucking big companies, this is the same thing they do. It's a magazine that entice, they hire readers, that, da-da-ta, they're all in the same bed, but Joe Weeder put together Inocetal and Cloline. That was a fat burger 30 years ago.

You know, people were actually going, I remember going to dinner with guys in high school. At the time, I weighed 200 pounds, and they probably weighed 260, 270. They were huge, and they'd be eating calamari with hot sauce, dipping bread in the hot sauce. And after the dinner, they'd pop three Joe wheat of fat burners. And I'd say, what did you just eat?

And they go, fat burners, this calamari is going to disappear. And I would fucking how. I would fucking how. Even at 18, I wasn't a nutritionist. I was just some young, coked-up criminal. And I would sit there at the table and go, You actually believe That if you eat so I go what is the dosage? It goes

They say they pop two Every four hours So we pop four since we're a little more So you actually believe They're Americans that actually believe That there's fucking fat burners Brent there are Americans that Believe that if they pop a pill

Before they eat they go to fucking Burger King They will lose weight Well like mention that It's that, it's that advertisement, man. It's just one of those other 52 ways to make us fail. It's part of that saturation of the marketing. You know, hey, take a pill, lose weight, the easy way out. That's what everybody wants.

Of course, anybody, we're human, of course. We want the easy way, you know. But, you know, it's, yeah, you have to look past the saturation of the marketing and the advertisements because, and even more so than nowadays. I mean, Joe, I mean, you tell us, I mean, back in your day, I mean, was it so saturated with marketing? Because, I mean, even nowadays, man, it's crazy because even in the middle of the night, if I'm just kind of flipping through the channels, I mean, I've noticed commercials are long as heck. If I'm watching a little TV series or something, these commercials are longer than the TV series. And when I was a kid growing up, commercials were only on for maybe a minute, minute, and a half.

And now they're exceeding to like four minutes. And they're always hitting us with like, buy this, consume. this, have this, you need this, more stuff, be happier, you know? And they cock block fat people at night. You're sitting there, you get your feet up, you already know you're a fat fuck, nothing's going to change. You got

your fucking stool up, you're scratching your nuts, you got chips of hoy, you got a 64-ounce Coke, and also they got some skinny guy doing fucking PX-90 at 2.30 in the morning, some black dude that fucks the white chicks at the gym. They're all laying there all fucked out.

They got spoiled. It's like the fucking company. They know this. We know that some Joe Smoll assistant on his couch, chilling it, two in the morning. I'll buy that $82. Remember two years ago? The shaker?

Every fat dude bought the shaker. Listen, you've been drinking martinis for 20 years. You didn't lose a fucking ounce. Now you want to shake up a fucking shaker. That's going to make you fucking lose weight. People will do anything to avoid what the road is. Do you see they brought back the little thing that you put around your stomach and it like shakes.

Yeah. They brought that back. I saw a commercial for it. Did you think about buying it? You know what? I wish there was a pill. I would be the first one to take it, but no. There ain't no fucking pills.

There ain't nothing. You got to walk. You got to drink water or something. You know, I didn't drink water for 20 years. I thought water was like fucking evil. Like if I went to your house and you offered me a glass of water, I'd never come back. Like, you know, what? What?

We don't have one. What? What happened? What happened? The dollar store is out of fucking pot? Pineapple juice, get your shit together. Brett, it's always a pleasure to go to the store and talk to you. Where are you located?

Tell these fucking Chinooks. Well, the shop I work at is, it's in North Hollywood. It's 4844, Lancashem Boulevard. It's like right there in the NoHo district. You're next to the fucking theater. There used to be a Russian weed store there. They're done. The fucking theater with the ball-headed guy with a bunch of people on their Friday night.

late night fucking doing fucking project you're next to that fucking condom supermarket I love them they just

definitely and we're also go figure we're right across the street from a KFC so you have a little test

you can either you know go across the street to be healthy or you got the KFC right across the street and that's crazy

because the word on the street is I don't need KFC but the word on the street is that's the worst KFC

in the history of fucking like the one that people fat people get together and they're like that's the worst KFC

you can You got to go to the one up on Laurel Canyon there. That's a good, oh, that's Popeyes. That's where they go. Because somebody was telling me, no, no, fuck that KFC. That's a nasty one. That's a good neighbor where we're at. They're trying to build up North Hollywood.

I love it. I love living in this side of town. I love going on Lancashim, and I love stopping him by you. And like I said, if you guys are looking to change your life and, you know, you want to talk to somebody, just about your little supplements, like he said, it's 80% fucking diet, you know. and I'm guilty for it as much as anybody else. You know, I go to eat with my wife and the baby. Next thing you know, I'm tasting their macaroni and cheese.

Next thing, you know, I'm stealing something. And now I'm like, I'm fucked for the deck. Yeah. There goes eight weight watch a point. So I'm fucking done, you know what I'm saying? But it all starts with nutrition. And Brent, I'm happy that you took the time to call in today. I know you sleep until about fucking 7.30.

You're a young man. Hey, no, it's all good. You're out late dressed up in white, slinging dick. I saw your Facebook picture. You went to fucking Vegas dressed in white like fucking Hector LeVoe in 76. Did you have white shoes on to boot? Yeah, yeah.

You got to have, yeah, you got to have, yeah, it's job your all color cordoning. You're a bad motherfucker. Let me tell you something, man. I was a fucked up kid, so I know when somebody's fucked up when they're young. You're a nice young man, man. You got a great life ahead of you.

Thank you very much for taking the time, Mr. Tack, the call in. Lee, any last questions? You're going to go see, Brett? Yeah. Can I ask one more question? No. Yeah, you can ask them all you fucking want. All right.

So, I know cooking for yourself is better, but I know there's a lot of guys like me who aren't really into cooking. So I've been looking for restaurants to go to. And on Lancashem, there's at a skinny kitchen. I found over the weekend there's a place called Chop Stop, that does salads. Are those places actually good? When you see, like, low calorie or at, like, chilies when they have, like, a light menu, is that stuff, like, is that helping us at all?

Or is that just marketing and it's not to it? shit. You know what? This is my opinion, man. I mean, I have a lot of customers that go to that skinny kitchen. Yeah. I love it. Now, I've never personally been there, so I can't have any say in it.

But, I mean, I've seen their menu because a customer actually had a marketing guy bring in one of their little, like, catering menus. So I was kind of looking over and doing some known due diligence, and it looks pretty legit. Okay. And again, I've got a lot of great feedback from customers. Yeah, it's delicious. Yeah.

I'm not, and right. Now, not to, now that, I know the skinny kitchen is kind of like a little mom-pop kind of shop, you know what I'm saying? But now, and I'm not out to diss anybody, but, you know, like a Chili's or, say, Applebee's. I mean, these are more like corporate chains that do a lot of marketing. These are the chains that you would see on television, you know. And that's where they put a lot of their money is into the marketing.

You know, I think this, you know, maybe lower calorie, lower car. type of thing may not be as as truthful, maybe like a mom and pop. I would put a little bit more trust into a little mom-pop shop of people who have a little integrity of just, you know, trying to, you know, run a successful business, you know, you know what I'm saying? And, you know, first like a corporate, you know,

a ran restaurant chain. Okay. Putting all their money into the marketing and the advertisement, you know what I'm saying. Okay, yeah. But bottom, but bottom line, nothing beats not only price of just going out and buying your own food and then just cooking it there at home

because any restaurant you really go to, they're going to put something in it that's going to entice you to make it, you know, taste good. They're going to want to get the addicted to it so you can come back and buy more. Yeah. You know, so it's always the cleanest alternatives just to go buy your own food, cook it at home.

That's the cleanest alternative, and you're also saving a lot of money. Yeah. Just buying your own food, you know? They really jack up the price. I bought a whole bunch of 100 calorie treats yesterday. They really jack up the price for the healthy stuff. And it's like...

Absolutely. And there was a commercial on, get any drink, any size at McDonald's for a dollar, and then my girlfriend and I stopped at 7-Eleven to get waters for the gym. It was three bucks for two waters. It's like, what the... Why are my paying for $0.99 for $10 of soda? Even the water business is starting to get suspect to me the last couple years.

Yeah. Well, where did they know of this clean water from? Where the fuck are they getting all this spot? fucking water from. All of a sudden there's a fucking lake and everybody's jumping up and down and the dolphins are clean. You know, you go to fucking... I went to Malibu yesterday. When you jump

out of the ocean, there's a hazmat guy there now. My wife got Tara on her foot last week. It's still on there. You understand me? That's the fucking... That's down in Malibu. I swear to God, I smelled like I had a thousand odors on me yesterday. Oil, bodies, New Orleans, Japanese radiation,

sushi, pussy. I smelled like a fucking clam. I hugged the kid when we got home. We all went in the fucking shower like a family. Unfucking believable. Where they get in all this clean mountain fucking waterfront? I want to see this fucking mountain.

You borrow the source? Yeah, I want to see this fucking mountain that we're paying a dollar for. By the way, that fucking water you guys sell is very fucking good. And again, I don't believe nothing. I don't believe periodicals or testimonials or nothing. You know, in the old days, people would show up with a bag

bag of Coke with a purple thing. it turned purple must be good coke give me a yak of that motherfucker if my eyeball ain't spinning it ain't fucking good all right so I took the water in Jiu jitsu last Tuesday I was doing backflips I was doing all my plot this you should have seen me I was Johnny on the spot I had oxygen I didn't drink the water on Wednesday I took a fucking heart you know the little wonder the little dollar a day that you take for your heart I want in there just to thin the blood It wasn't the same.

That water is pretty good. That P3 water, that fucking thing, Marky Warburg put together with, I don't know who his partner is. Again, where he finds this fucking water? Everybody's finding this fucking water and guys. I see nothing. I see puddles with fucking bird shit in it.

I love you, Brent. Go see this guy over at Nutra. What is it again, my brother? Yeah, yeah, Nisha Shop. Nutris Shop. Go see him. He's knowledgeable and most important. He's a gentleman.

You know, like I tell people all the time, Brett, everybody's got protein powders. Everybody's got water. Everybody's got cups. It's the customer service. And when it comes to that, you're the top, man. Thank you very much for being you. And for being a great little young Christian, young man. I love you, cocksucker.

I like how you use Christian and cocksucker in the same set. What are you going to do? We're all sinners and cock suckers. Listen, some chick suck your dick really good, right? You swap and spit with it. What? She didn't suck a dick on Sabbath? And she left.

Now you're a cocksucker by proxy. So at the end of the day, with sinners and cocksuckers, all of us. Who gives a fuck? I love you. Hey, I love you, too, Jay. It's always good talking to you, man. I'll see you too.

I'll see you this week, buddy. All right, buddy. Take care. What, Lee? Did you learn something? I did. The fact that you're not selling a button that says,

I'm a cock sucker by proxy is a shame. Let me explain some to you. When your chick sucks, you're dick. Wait, that's the first dick she sucks. She's a cock sucker. So what the fuck? There you are. Mopping it up with the horror movie, like, you're in love.

You know, it's like that movie as good as it gets. He's licking the dog, and the guy goes, where'd you find him? Eating some fucking dirty diaper. There you are swapping to spit with your dog, like fucking, your fucking Romeo and Juliet. You know what I'm saying? Get it together. It's Monday, cocksuckers.

July to 7th. Who the fuck are you kidding? The party's over. It's a Monday. You got a second chance to do whatever the fuck you want to do. You want to be a lawyer? Fucking go down the USC, lie to him. I don't give a fuck.

Tell him, right? I'm fucking Mexican. I don't give a fuck. fuck I want to learn the law where's Thomas Jefferson that let me talk that motherfucker who's running shit in this fucking place you want to be a fucking Jew whatever you want to be today's

the day become a Jew become a Jew fucking tell him what to suck your dick put a Yamaghan what you don't need to get ordained or you gotta go somewhere oh yeah you're a Jew now it's the same thing just make yourself a Jew you're up like Donald Sterling with an envelope black people love you

everybody loves your Filipino let me give a shout out to some beautiful fucking people here. This Cheapichu is kicking in. Do they get a shout out? Huh? This is get a shout out for that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. My man, Nate, Molly loves you, Cox Suck. I know what you fucking problem is. Stop moping around the house. Get it together. Grab your

balls, stick a finger up your ass. Tell Molly to suck the juice out of that fucking love stick. It's over. Lorne, Rosencour. You know, I love you, baby. I see you hanging in there. Jose Gama, you bad motherfucker. Toking Lair. I can't wait to see you in Vegas in two weeks.

Oh, shit. the real scuba Steve Rasdud Christopher Santiago Listen I got some fucking people Who sent me some product I like those hit little fucking cigarettes If you want to talk about sponsorship

I'll help you out I really enjoyed those little hit cigarettes You know what I'm saying? They were very nice There's 12,000 fucking hits per cigarette Oh I don't know I get like two days out of a blue There's an e-cigarette I dug your product

Thank you very much And sent it to me Also a wax pen Sent me some fucking wax pens I tell you what I liked about them and I can put some fucking weed in it too So it takes the weed It takes the fucking wax

I want to give you a shout out Waxy Pen They sent me some extra coils You some bad motherfuckers up there Thank you very much I'm giving them out at the fucking At the free fucking podcast And I gave one over to the girl

At the weed store by my house You know what I'm saying So don't forget about nothing Just because you sent me something Don't mean I ain't here for you What Lee? What? What cocksucker Look at you

I gave you 10 milligrams of a Cheebo tree And you ain't complaining, but it's good. No, it's not bad. You feel good, I can tell. Sometimes you're red in the face. You look like Jesus before they stabbed them. Well, yeah, when you give me my second Green Hornet other night, I kind of... But you got to do it.

You fucking sacrifice some. Listen, man. When you're a Christian or a fucking Catholic, what do they call you? A sinner. We ain't sinners. We're fucking cock suckers here at the church and what's happening now. You swap spit with a chick. You suck the cock.

You swap spit with it. Fuck it. You've got cooties now. We all just hit them with a shirt. out of that cock breath right back at you. What else is going on? Just because we had Nutra Shop on, listen, man, everybody's got a good product

and it goes behind it. The reason why I deal with honor is the same reason. They got a good product. Every time I hit Ricardo with a question over there, boom, I got an answer back. That's the most important fucking thing to me. It's customer service, customer satisfaction. Yesterday somebody hit me, if they downloaded

the CD, it didn't work. Boom, I sent it to Lee. Lee takes care of it. We don't fuck around. And we don't need your fucking $5. I want you to be happy. You understand me? I don't want you fucking fight. I want you to be happy, cucket, with anything, whether it's the podcast, whether it's with Lee, whether it's

so I just want you to be happy. That's customer service. That's something that nobody pays you to do. That's something you have to have in your heart. When you look at something, you go, I hope you're happy with what happened, dog. When I sold you a Coke Rock, it was a fucking Coke rock, okay? That's all I got to say. That's customer fucking service. Same thing

stands with it. They don't fuck around. If you want supplements, go to somebody else. If you want optimization, you go to fucking honor. You want to be the best animal you could beat? You want to be thinking on 15 fucking cylinders. You pop a couple of those alpha brains. You jerk off and you smoke a fucking number and you leave the house. You see how clear-headed you are.

You're not walking around all fucked up with that lump scum in your fucking sack. All throwing you off. It throws your equilibrium off. You take some alpha brain. Alpha brain don't fuck around. If it don't change your life, it doesn't make you feel better. And, send it back. We get a money back guarantee.

No questions. That's ask. One time only. Don't do it tight scores. We'll send somebody down there stabbing the fucking net. Go to Onet. They got the kettlebells. They got the Shroom Tech.

They got the coral. I'm telling you guys, the digest enzymes, they got the testosterone booster. When it comes to your fucking health and health optimization, and you're getting fucking tremendous fucking, what's the word I'm looking for here? Results from your workouts. Go to fucking Onit.com. Go to Joey Dears.com. Go to Joey Dears.com.

Order a geepatch. While you there, go to Onetit. Order something from them say 10% What are you put in the box? You put it in church. Church, C-H-U-R-C-H. It don't take no spelling B fucking champion to let you know that one,

Ball Sniffers. On it, go there right now. Why fuck around? We gotta have this conversation every day. The same thing with Hulufuckingplus.com. My wife lives on fucking Hulu. I don't even know what shows. She watches shows, plural.

You understand me? Shows plural. That's what Hulu Plus got to you. You think I'd be fucking around with Hulu Plus this one? long if they weren't the shit. $7.99 a month. Louis, why are you sitting there

looking around like a fucking, like one of Jerry's kids on a bus ride? You're sitting there looking around like on a bus ride. What the fuck's the matter? You get it together. Gaggagga. Write that one down. Jerry's kids on a bus ride. I like that one. Anyway, the same thing. Hulu Plus don't fuck around.

What are some of the shows they have? They have a ton of kids shows. Go ahead. Bring it down. They have Bob's Burgers. If you miss, like a lot of people can't, don't stay up late for the night. these shows, they're the Tonight Show, they have all that stuff. And they put it on the next day? Next day. Who do you think you're fucking? You wake up, it's there.

Boom. Hulu Plus for all your shows. Listen, I'm going to give you two weeks for free. Two weeks, motherfuckers. You don't get that from the TV at. Two weeks. Nobody gives you that shit. When was the last time you went to get your dick suck? And they said, well, we'll give you a dick sucking. Nothing. You got to got it. You got to pay first. With me, two weeks for free, $7.99 a month.

You go to the Huluplus.com box, and what are you press? You put Joey. Joey. J-O-E. Y-O-E-Y. That's the code to get you two weeks for free and after that 799 a month for fucking everything you see on TV at fucking at your fingertips. You understand me? At your fingertips. You can watch this stuff, you can watch it binging. You know what I'm saying? You have to sit there and watch one episode at time. We ain't got time for that shit. You wait till you get six of them. You smoke two fucking joints. You tell mama to bend over, you eat that ass. You sit back. Boom, and you watch your six episodes like a gentleman. Go to the box. today, Huluplus.com and press. Joey. J-O-E-Y. And why you're at it, why you walk around? Everybody wants to

be Fidel Castro, even Lee. Everybody wants to walk around, like with a beard. It's been my dream. Like, we've got a fucking revolution going on or something. Shave that fucking thing. It's like wearing sunglasses. I can't see the real you. We want to see the real you, motherfucker. Between the beard, the tattoo, the swat stick on your forehead, you're going to get 70 fucking years eventually. You got to accessory.

That's right. You got to accessorize, cock suck. Dollar Shave Club. Sharpen up. $1.6. and $9 a month, every month delivered right to your door. On it, too. They'll deliver shit right to your fucking door. It's called Stay on it. They do the same shit, Dollar Shave Club.

You get four razors sent to your door every fucking month. You're going to leave the house. You don't got to stand the pharmacy. Where's your card? Where's your customer gratitude? Fuck customer. You want to pay for a bag? Yeah, you want to pay for a bag.

$1, $6 and $9. For $1, you get four single blades. For $6, you get four double blades. For $9, you get four double blades with the alo strip makes your face nice. They got the one white charlies for your asshole. You pop them in your ass. You pop counterclockwise. Or the other way, your fucking muffler is spotless.

When people sniff your asshole, they're like, where were you? Where the fuck of you been eating pet them and patties your whole life? Dollar Shaveclub.com, why fuck around? Also, to my main man, Jeremy, at escapoddank.com. If you want to save thousands, thousands. Not fucking a couple of yard sticks, thousands on a fucking flotation tank. Flotation tank for your house, business, whatever the fuck you want to do. They just got the, what's the name of it?

Just the tank model. Just the tank model you save $150. But Joey, I don't have two or three Gs. Financing is available. Go to escapoddank.com. Go to the page. It's an 800 number. Call Jeremy.

He'll answer all your questions. He knows about fucking everything. Tell him what. He knows about astrology. His all the questions. Everything. And to all your fucking questions. Got all the answers for you.

Plus, he'll save you money, which is what this podcast does. Shop around. I don't give a fuck. Put a skate pod tank to the fucking test. I fucking dare you. You're going to save a buck 50 off to just a tank model. And 250 just for dropping the name. Flying Jew, fucking Jews, Spicks, Joey Diaz.

Boom. You get $250 off. Who gives you that type of love in your life? I don't know what. On a fucking Monday. No body cock sucker That's why we're here So what are you going to plan for

The least I am Well I'm gonna work out What time you're doing this then? I was gonna go after this because I'm pretty high But I didn't bring shorts I guess I have to go home I'll work out What kind of shorts you bring to the gym?

You get nice little tight shorts boys No no I like I like the gym shorts I like having pockets I always feel like an asshole Because you can't carry your wallet without pockets You bring your wallet to the gym No no but like later on I just I always

Put the fucking wallet It's in the trunk It's in the locker Don't put in your locker That's why I used to make most of my scams In the 87 I had a kid That would lock up your boy Would watch, you get to know

He worked at the gym And when you walked in there Don't ever bring you fuck All you got to bring in to the gym Is your fucking iPod Don't bring your phone in there either Ain't nobody gonna die Well, I don't know

We'll get it together stupid Because then you accept phone calls I want you to be fresh When you're in there I want your mind To be thinking about the future What jokes you're gonna write What are you gonna do

When you lose this way How you're gonna be at the beach Fucking Slingin' Dick With Mexican ones You know what helps, and I'm going to have to start breaking my iPad, is movies on the elliptical. Makes it go by like nothing. That's tremendous. Just focus on, I want you to go there and clean out that fucking head of yours.

Look at that. You're the only Jew. You got no gel on your hair. I want you to clean up what's in the coconut. Don't worry about the fucking movies. Just put music on. I want you to think. I want you to think of how we could do the podcast, how you can write jokes, how you can make your dick bigger.

Don't worry about the entertain. Everybody wants to bring a magazine. What are you going to read? This ain't no fucking library. This is the gym. Did Rocky Raubbao read when he was at the gym? That's so weird. You see Rocky Balboa watching an iPad at the gym? Fuck, no.

You focus on the journey ahead of you. I want you to be there. I'm there. No, I'm there. Don't fuck around here. I want you to be there. I take the iPod and I go back. I go back to my weaknesses.

I think of a time when it was fucking dark, and I try to get myself out of that. I bring myself to emotion sometimes. I drive myself to fucking the emotion. Why? of being stuck there again and how I felt and how people are walking around feeling sometimes because the only way for me to do this podcast and for me to get through these people

is to bring myself there to prove to you motherfuckers that you could be somewhere dark and within 10 minutes you can have light in your fucking life. It's not going to always be dark. You're going to have darkness, but when you go to work out, I want you to think of your life. I want you to fuck all that movies

because then you're not thinking about what you're doing. I went and went to 33 minute mark I want you to look at the clock and go I got 27 minutes left Fuck that fucking cheeseburger Fuck that fucking slice of pizza now You know what? Because sometimes you go to the gym

And we go if I go to the gym I'm gonna eat that cookie Yeah And when you're into 33 minute And you're huffing and puffing And that salty sweats going And your eyeballs And you're tasting

You can smell the odor coming up from you I smell like an old man Have you smelled me lately? I haven't I smelled like an old man It's disgusting You know and I want you to think And sometimes like I said

I think back when I'm 27 because I want to think about what Lee's going through right now. Sometimes I go back to when I'm 25. I go to 1988. And I think back to what the fuck was I going through? Boy, was I fucking scared. Boy, that I not believe I could do anything,

that I really added in my mind that I was a piece of shitly. I really fucking believe that I wasn't going to accomplish anything in my life, you know? And then I think back to getting on stage and I think about how I felt then, how I felt that I was just going to kill myself. Like every time I get on stage,

you just want to kill yourself because you're not funny. And then that sparks me to go to Jiu-Jitsu. That makes me go, you know what, I've got to go to Jiu-Jitsu tomorrow because I don't ever want to be that bad. And I know that if I was bad at something, because I tried it. You know, I try to take myself to these dark places, man,

because it'll get my writing better. It'll make me better because it makes me see the fucking journey. So I want you to do the same thing when you're working out So three years from now When somebody comes to you and they're 100 pounds overweight You go listen dog This is what you do and you can put your mind there And you think because you're not feeling what you're going through

Okay And you go to yoga and you breathe you feel your body You fuck I did you know Lately I've been doing those things those to stretch my back Okay I was working out and not stretching afterward It's the worst thing you could do You know a lot before they work out

But people say you could pull your mom If you're not warmed up properly. So I always walk around or something to do something, even if I just jump up and down and then stretch a little bit, then do the epileptical. And then when I'm coming down off the epilepticial, I stretch. I really stretch hard. Boom, I breathe.

I let the breath. But I wasn't stretching my back. So I was having back problems. I was walking around like Red fucking Fox, you know? And I don't want to walk around like that no more. So now I've been stretching. So after you work out, don't forget the fucking stretch. What else you got playing for you going to do on a podcast or Rick tonight?

Yeah, I got Rick tonight. I gotta watch a movie probably A movie you guys are going today I'm not sure and I have to talk to work I probably know but I'm really fucked up right now And then The last week was kind of slow And I've been getting some tweets

I've almost gotten all the proposals I want for the app All right we'll get it together, come on you slip in them What are you doing today? Oh, can I mention one thing? Can I mention it mention it? If you buy at leased.com If you want I'm having a sale on shirts use code Jumee down and you get $10 off T-shirts.

You're a fucking savage. What do I got today? Today I'm going to do a little workout. I'm thinking about going to Jiu-Jitsu tonight if I can make it by 8 o'clock. I got a right. I'm getting ready for the San Jose Improv. You know, San Jose is always a fucking crazy party.

Anti-Dalores is coming again. I got some motherfuckers showing up. Some gangsters, some Mexicans, some fucking Raider fans. It's a jiu-too weekend up there, so I have a lot of J-Jitsu people going up there. I think I'm going to stop by Guerrilla Jiu-Jitsu Saturday morning

for the 1030 geek class So I'm very excited about the week up in San Jose I always am Next week I'm in fucking Viva, Las Vegas At the South Point with my main man Steve Simone and shit Making it happen And the week after that I'm a beautiful pioneer

Comedy Club in Reno, fucking Nevada I gotta get my plane ticket today But something really weird happened man What? A great listener said that He heard me speak about Santana and his uncle was Santana if I wanted to go see him in Irvine

to 26 and go backstage and meet Carlos and I'm fucking you know, it took me two days to reply to the kid because I was so overwhelmed. I'm really in hell, but I committed to this Reno date and I have to do it. If not, I'd be right there. I'd love to meet Santana

and people have no idea, you know, what Santana did. You know, it's funny how there's great men like Martin Luther King was a great man. He fought for black rights. But if you really look at it, and I'm not taking nothing away from Mount Luther King,

somebody like Muhammad Ali did more for the African Americans. You know, you get the Chinese people. You know, they built our railroads. They gave us the orange. You know, Chinese people. They did. They gave us the fucking orange. A lot of people don't know that.

Bruce Lee really transformed the border. You know, Jiu-Jitsu. I see more people. eating asa'i. More people eat Brazilian food now because Jiu-Jitsu opens up that culture. You know what I'm saying? The fucking

towers go down and people eat more fucking hummus. You know what I'm saying? Next thing you know, the Taliban spreading hummus out. Oh my God. And these suckers are eating hummus with chips. Oh my God. I love this red pepper hummus. Meanwhile, the Taliban's getting fucking stronger, but you're eating fucking hummus,

cuck sucker. I feel that with even Spanish. people man Carlo Santana if you listen to that fucking early album uh get some early early i forget that

you know a braxus fucking I'm being a kid and putting a braxis on it and being proud like I can hear the Spanish influence in the music yeah we're going to close the Santana go my nah da da da da yeah uh put a braxis on

yeah it's fucking just just so you know I always when I wrote back I said It would be an honor to meet Carlos. I don't want him to do a podcast. I don't have to do nothing like that. I just want to talk to him because to me, he's a real fucking pioneer.

You know, he went to the music label and said, this is what I do. And they're like, we don't know about these Maracas and these fucking Mexicans and shit. Is that Abraxas the album? The full album, yeah. A Braxas, 1970. This is, I'm ever being a little kid and getting this from Columbia House. This is when you beat Columbia House, when you got eight albums for a penny.

Yeah. And you gave him a wrong address, and you sent it to the wrong address, and you had to steal it the fucking your album's back. It has a fucked-up album cover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the naked girl in front, or is that just YouTube? It could be YouTube. Speed that up a little bit.

How far? A minute, two minutes? I don't know. I like that. It's great. Crank that up. Crank that up. Crank this shit up, motherfuckers.

Listen, it's July 7th. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Get out there, do what you want. Half the year is gone. Whatever your goals were for 2014, they're officially fucking done. Listen to this fucking guitar, cock-duckers. Oh my God, I forgot all about this shit. I forgot this, I'm telling you.

I got this album when I was seven. Seven, this is what I was listening to. For you dumb motherfuckers that are still at home watching Door the Explorer. I was dropping this at seven on an eighth track upstairs in my attic. Not even getting high. Just listening to this shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?

So you hate Spicks? Put this on. You hate that Mexican down the block that has the loan mower? Before you judge them, put this on. You hate that fucking lady who sells your fucking tacos and won't give you the extra hot sauce? Put this on, motherfucker. Feel it, you cock suckers. It's Monday. Smoke a number. Do a bong hit.

Do something. Write your goals. We gotta get out of him. I'm getting too a moment. You hear those congos right there you're like, but we're white people. Why are we listening to this native music? Why are you selling us gum? Because... Why are you selling us GICLA, motherfucker?

I love you guys. Stay black. We'll see you Wednesday night. We had a great guest. Sat out 8 o'clock Wednesday night on the 9th. Is it the 9th? Yeah, should be. Say the ads right over this.

Don't turn this song. Okay. Now that the show is over, don't forget to sign up for a free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus has been to binge on thousands of pitch shows anytime, anywhere, on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. We're going to go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, or go to joeydea's.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for dollarshaveclub.com. You get high-quality raises sent to your door every month for fractionably pay at retail.

Now go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash church, or just go to JavCov.com. GoAidias.net and click on the dollar shape of the banner and thank you on it. Go there for all of your optimization pills, uh, Apple Brain, everything like that, use code word church and escape pot tank.com. Go there, get all your flotation tanks and call Jeremy and get 250 off. When you next to the church. Or what? Are you kidding me or what?

They're still playing. Callers someday doing a fucking syringe, looking out of a fucking window and the band is still like, fuck. Thank you.