The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #196 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 17, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt solo! This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Recorded live on 07/17/2014.

This show is sponsored by NatureBox, where you can order great tasting, healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like Santa Fe cornsticks and French toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com, promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com, promo code Joey. This show is also sponsored by Onat.com. Go there for Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech Immune, Shrotech Sport. They got the protein powders, anything like that.

mention church and get 10% off and go to NaileditLife.com for all the oil and wax smokers out there for the premier vapor pen on the market, go to Naileditlif.com, mention Joey Diaz, and get 20% off of Vaporan. Are you kidding me or what? June 17th, the day the devil was fucking lit on fire

and stuck in somebody's fucking muffler. It's a beautiful day to be alive. It's Thursday. 6 a.m. 603, 604. Who gives a fuck? The most important thing is that we're here. Who's counting? Oh shit.

Oh shit. Second arm, Erasmithmits. Get your wings. They start off studio. Go fucking live. Where are you going to get that type of action there? Like I said, welcome to the church of what's happening. Now, crank that motherfucker, Lee.

Crank that motherfucker, Lee. What? Look at Lee, wiggling. He's all excited about Vegas. Oh, shit. But I just couldn't tell myself. What? Listen to those motherfucking cuts.

Lil Joe Perry at 6 in the fucking morning. Cut that shit, Lee. You sexy motherfuckers, way to cut it. Lee, he just fucking cut it. You didn't even do a fucking dragon. No, fucking else. Slow in nothing. Cut it.

Nothing. Nothing. What's happened, you beautiful motherfuckers? Welcome to the church of what's happening now. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Fucking Thursday, July 16th. What can I tell you? You got the world by the fucking boss.

That's all I can tell you. Right or wrong? What did he say? Was it yesterday or today? Like you have big balls and a neck brace? I'm showing up with a big dick in the neck brace, motherfucker. Just in case, don't get confused. Just case you swallow this fucking helmet, your neck goes back, I got you covered.

You know what I'm saying? Oh, it's for her? Yeah. Who do you fucking think the neck brace is for? That's romantic of you. Unless your name is fucking Chad or something like that or fucking Corey. Oh, okay. Something like that.

You want to go hang out with the boys, you know what I'm saying? That's it. It's fucking here. It's July 16th. You're sitting around scratching. Look at a little he scratching his head. Oh, I got like 10 minutes. I already gave him a 500 milligram anti-dloris edible.

I gave him a little corner of the fucking... Oh, so I had at least 100 probably, right? 80. Nah, you took a little fucking piece. I gave you 30 milligrams. It's always 30 milligrams. You should have a line of edibles, and everything is 30 milligrams. Everything.

Everything is always dirt. Everything's beautiful. Check it out. There's a nice little... Look, she don't even put in a bag for us, Ante-Dolars. That's why I love it. There's a chocolate. Death bomb.

You could fucking throw this on Palestine. I wish they would. I'm fucking believable. We're here, we're queer. We didn't do yesterday because I had the fight companion, so what's the fucking difference? I'm going to do two podcasts or one day for him. Kill myself.

Let's spread them up. I hope you enjoyed them. A lot of people mad at me all the time. But like, you didn't talk. You were all high. I wasn't either. When you were in a room with two fucking, one guy that's a commentator,

the one is a fighter, what am I going to say about a fight? What am I going to throw my two sons? sense him, my stupidity in. That's where you go back to fucking trains, playing in automobiles, and you go back to Steve Martin. What could Steve Martin have done in the presence of junk candy? He would have got squashed.

What was he going to say? So all you could do is a little body language. There's a couple people that caught it. They were like, hey, man, you like Muhammad Ali. You rope a doper bitch, and you just throw a punch when you need to. And that's what I like doing in that president. You have to know when you're going to strike unless you become too overbearing. So I don't want people to think I was too fucking stoned or whatever.

I don't like podcasts when you have four people trying to talk. Yeah. You know, they're a conjunction-type podcast. It's fun for a while, but it's different, but I want people to understand where you stand in that. If you're in a room, if you're doing a basketball podcast, and you got Julius Irving and Magic Johnson on the fucking table, what stupidity are you going to add to this? Yeah. What stupidity could I possibly add to that table? I could add a little color to it.

So please, it's not that I was stoned or I was just trying to be quiet. I was just listening and watching, paying attention. fights and you know what and it's not even just because you were on it but I watched the for like I watched the full fights with the fight companion that's a pretty cool way to watch a fight I mean it's not as in depth

as when Rogan's on like the pay-per-view but it was interesting well they go on other tangents yeah you know which is always good too but uh hey listen man whatever to make uh anything that helps you that makes a performance interesting

yeah I knew it was gonna come down to that One of my friends told me, T.J. said that Rogan should start a podcast when he commentates along with the UFC or whatever the fuck it is. I could see the UFC going to it because I'm sure there's a lot of fans who, and just because I didn't hear them because I had the podcast up. I'm sure the commentators last night did a great job. But when you have Rogan doing it for a song, you have people who are really loyal to him. And I could see, since everything's on the internet is heading towards being on the internet, fuck it. you have three choices of commentators if you don't like the ones we have

for free, Rogan's on here for an extra buck or fucking they have another UFC fighter on there on a different one. They could probably have three or four teams. It'd be interesting. Very intelligent. That's, uh, I never looked at. I had a great time, you know,

it was the first time I met Brendan Schwab, fucking hell of a nice guy. You know, it's amazing that three of my friends are 26 years old. I've been thinking about that all night. He's 26? Yeah. He's going to be a baby too, right?

He said, look him up. I can't tell him this computer, but I don't have a fucking computer. What the fuck am I talking about? It's just really weird that you guys are 26 years old. We got into that conversation a little bit on Monday where I was saying that I've been thinking a lot about that lately. How I had nothing. Zero.

Zero going on at 26. At 26, I was coming out of fucking prison, and the only reason why I had the things I had was because of the girl I was with. It wasn't because I was, like I said, I was making $7,000 a month before I went to prison and having a hard time paying rent.

Like I would have to hide from the landlord for fucking three days because I didn't have the money to pay rent. I always had to get an advance from my job. That's how fucked up my money situation was that I was, I knew how to pay rent and I knew how to pay bills and everything. I just

didn't want to pay them. I didn't want to pay anything on time. I had a Did I have a credit card then yet? Yeah. I had a visa with like a $500 limit that I paid, you know? Yeah. How old is he? He's 31.

Yeah. It's close. Close. Yeah. Five years away. 31, 26. It's really fucking no difference. But it's amazing.

And I, that day that you had mentioned it, that I had spoken to you about, I went home. And I was like, wow. Lee and Diagestine and all these young guys, at least they know what the fuck they want to do at 26. They're in the ballgame, you know. I bumped into somebody at the airport the other day, and we're bullshit, and he asked me a question. He goes, that he didn't, he felt really bad about asking anybody else this. You ready for this? What he said to me?

When do you realize you're going to leave your house? Did you, before you went to college, did you think you were leaving Boston? Yeah. You knew that already. Did you want to go away for college? Well, that was maybe one of the mistakes I made. I went to a school in Boston. It was a good film school.

I didn't particularly enjoy it. I kind of wish I went to Drexel and Philly, even though it wasn't as good of a program, just to get out of Boston. And it's a little bit different for me because I went to film school, so the only places you can go really are New York and L.A. So it wasn't really even a choice. There's some people who stay in Boston, and good for them,

but they don't really end up doing anything. How old were you when you knew you were? leave Boston. Honestly, honestly. When was the first time it crossed your mind? I don't know about leaving Boston.

I don't remember that thought, but the joke in my family is that since I was two, I wanted a job, an apartment, and a car. I've always wanted just to be older and out. I've never,

and I had a great childhood, but it's just, I've always wanted to be out and on my own, and it's just luckily, I mean, for me, I feel lucky that it was easier for me.

What were the reasonings of you wanting to leave your hometown? I mean, you were a nice kid. You never got arrested. You have no warrants, no drug problems. I mean, what was the reason? Did you think there was more out there? Did you think that? Yeah, I was bored in my hometown.

And it's a great place to raise kids, but there's like, there was nothing to do. There's a blockbuster. There's no, like you said you could hop on a bus to New York. To get on a bus, I would have had to gone like 30 or 40 minutes down. road. There's nothing where I grew up. How far are you from downtown Boston? 30, 40 minutes. I mean, it wasn't that far, but it's just there's nothing.

And if you don't, when I turn 16, maybe that's probably one. Because when I could start driving and I could go into the city and go do stuff, that was probably around the age when I knew I was going to leave. Because when I was in San Josea, I went to original Joe's for breakfast, not at the airport. Oh, I didn't know. They had to have it at San Jose airport. And some guy came home and he goes, I listened to the podcast. I had a couple few situations this week.

I had that situation where he came up to me and he goes, can I ask you a personal question? I didn't know what the fuck was going to come out of his mouth at 8 in the morning. And he goes, when did you know you wanted to leave your hometown? And I thought about it for a few days. I'm going to give you the reasonings. I never thought I was going to leave New Jersey and New York. I didn't know if something else existed.

I had been to California. I had been to Miami and Florida. I had been to Puerto Rico, you know. I had been to Michigan for a bitty basketball tournament. I had been to up and down the East Coast, driving back and forth to Miami as a kid, you know, doing that run with family or whatever. I never knew what life was like. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you, I had been out here with my uncle,

and I remember the rocks and the beach and Dodger Stadium, but not enough to make me want to leave. Nothing was enough to make me want to leave. Right, yeah, New York, I can't imagine wanting to leave. No. Then after my mom died, I started looking around. No, no, even then I didn't think so. Really? One day I was talking to Jimmy Bender, the first family I moved in after my mom died,

and I asked Jimmy, there was a trucking company named Florida and Texas. That was the name of the country. Is that just where they went? No, no, it was just a trucking company, Florida, Texas freight or something like that. It was called when I was a kid. I still think they're around Florida, Texas, Texas, Florida, something like that. And I said it to him. Mr. Bender, do you think I go work at Texas, Florida,

or Florida, Texas? And he goes, you could do whatever the fuck you want. He goes, that's an interesting question. He always goes, because he didn't hear the whole question. He goes, I always thought one of my sons or my daughter would leave. He goes, none of them ever left. He goes, but it would be great just to go look outside the country. He goes, I never thought about doing it.

And I remember looking at him going, no, Florida, Texas, the tucking company. He goes, yeah, you could do whatever you want to do. But he had already said that to me. Yeah. You know, so I'm thinking about it. And then that was the, there's always a silver lining, and I figured out of 30 years later, when I robbed that jewelry store when I was a kid,

and the cops were looking for me, I had to go to Sarasota, Florida for four weeks. Yeah. And it's knowing without, once you know you can live without something, you don't know, you never know. You never know. Like, before I went to prison, I'm like, oh, no reefer in prison, I'm not going to make it.

And after the third night of no refa, that's it. I adjusted. There was no sense in crying. there was no sense of yelling or talking about it. Nothing could help weed grow through the fucking prison wall. So what the, you know what I'm saying? Once you realize you could live without something, it's like people always break up after somebody takes a vacation or something.

Because once they realize I didn't really fucking miss you. I didn't really fucking think about you. In fact, I was happy you weren't around. That makes sense. You know, I was very happy that you weren't around. Once people realize that they could do without something, It's crazy. And I'll tell you what, I love North Bergen.

I love where I'm from. I love a majority of the people I grew up, but I knew something that always killed me. There's something that killed me about people. There's two things. I can't tolerate white trash. I can't tolerate the mind thought, the mindset of white trash. They grow up, they get a job, and they play the hand out,

and they don't even play the handout. You know, I was surrounded by white trash in North Carolina. Bergen. Good people. You know, I'm not saying nothing bad about them. Good, god-faring Americans, you know?

That's not it. But I always felt that their dreams were too small. In fact, I don't think they had fucking dreams. I see that more now than I'm out here. I didn't see it when I was a thing. You see what I'm saying to you? And that bothered the fuck out of me. I call white trash to people

a person who doesn't have a dream. Somebody who comes up to me and says, guess what? The Armum Brothers. They're at Atlantic City, you know, we're going to party out. And I look at them and I see how excited they get, and it brings pain to my heart. Yeah.

It brings that much pain to my heart, you know, that little, like the Allman Brothers aren't even together no more. Like that, I think they retired, but not even, like the original band. Right. You know, it's like you were talking about Pink Floyd. Like 18 people have hit me up already. And so are you excited about Pink Floyd? You want me to tell the truth?

Not at all. I haven't even fucking thought about it. I don't give a fuck. I really don't give a fuck if they put a new album out or not. Will I buy it? Who the fuck knows? I might put it on. But I don't want to see that stuff.

It's like you were saying to me, do you want to go see Aerosmith and Slash at the Coliseum or whatever? Are you fucking crazy? Are you fucking crazy? You know, I saw Aerosmith when Aerosmith was Aerosmith, and they were never even Aerosmith. Because anybody who knows, when you went to see Aerosmith,

they were horrendously bad. You paid to see this band It was this superpower And they were horrendously bad Because of the drugs And I don't know how they are now Nobody's gonna pay $55 for a ticket And tell you a concert sucked

Yeah Do you know what I'm saying It's against their whole thing They're not gonna pay $100, especially now A concert's $300 They're not gonna come back and go Oh man that sucked No they're gonna come back

But back to the white trash thing I always felt they had no dreams Like even in high school you'd say What's going on? Norton Man, I can't wait for my father To get me this job in this warehouse I'm gonna get $18 an hour And that was it

And they don't go on vacation They never leave New Jersey They wouldn't even dream Of fucking leaving New Jersey That little core that they belong to You know, they get excited about The weirdest fucking things In my hometown, North Bergen

There's a, you know, at this point now There's maybe full fucking bars That these young kids could go to you know, but who gets a fuck? You're 10 minutes away from the greatest city in the world. I mean, that's the advantage of being from North Bergen, New Jersey. But you get people from North Bergen that on Friday night will go to the fucking Moose Club.

And this is like a bunch of people that are all built like I am, women, that are as big as I am. And they go down there and they talk about high school football and blah, blah, and they're stuck in that time warp. Yeah. Like that's the white trash. I'm talking about that they're stuck in this fucking time warp of their mind. That there's no dreaming.

There's no nothing. They just coexist with life. That works for a lot of people. That wasn't going to work for me. Are you jealous at all? Because I never had a huge, I had a couple friends in high school, but not like a group of like six or seven.

I'll go on Facebook now and I'll see that they're still hanging out and then at parties. And I hated all of them. I don't want to be there, but like maybe 10% of me is jealous that they still like hang out. And most of me thinks it's stupid, but part of me is like, I was like, oh, that'd be nice to steal friends from the high school. But I talk to one kid from high school. That's it.

I'm very lonely. But I'm very lonely because I want to be. I'm very lonely at times because I want to be. Do you follow me? Yeah. In my mind, those kids I grew up with, that was the best it got for me. That was the best it would ever be for me. And I never tried to duplicate that.

even hanging out with comedians. If I hung out with four comedians, the top-notch comedians in the country, they wouldn't give me as much humor as I did when I grew up with those guys. And I know this going in. Right. Because they're not trying.

They worked on timing. Everything was based on timing. It was life. They reacted to life, and they were very funny about doing it. I can't take back half those things. I'm not glamorizing that life or living in the past. but those type of friends I grew up with

that'll never happen again I love you and you're a good kid and I love you that. And I like the Agostina on it and I just know that it was a different situation and it required a different type of friendship you know the cops are never going to come knock on your door and go where's Joey

and you're going to like giggle in their face and get the fuck out of my face and slam the door that's never going to happen in this lifetime. Yeah. Three people are going to knock on your door and say, where's your buddy Joey D is he robbed? me, you know, and you're going to go, I haven't seen them in two weeks.

Fuck you. If we don't have our money, we're going to beat the fuck out of you two in three days. That takes a certain type of friend. Somebody would say, fuck you, I'll tell you where he is right now. Yeah. These motherfuckers are like, you said what? You better fucking choose your words fucking wisely. Wow.

You better choose your fucking words wisely. You're not going to do shit to me. Do you know, it was different. It was a different time. Yeah. But I'm very lonely, you know. in that aspect because I could go to the Hollywood Improv and goof around with a bunch of people.

At the end of the week, who gives a fuck? Right. You know, I could go to the comedy store and again, ha, ha, ha, ha, my God, that's such a funny joke. Who gives a fuck? When I get in my car, you're going to talk about how I do blow and how, you know, whatever the fuck, mind fuck, you may give yourself for why not you're achieving your goals

and why not you're doing what the fuck you're doing. So it was just really weird. I just, he asked me when I found, And I knew a year after my mother died, I was getting the fuck out of there. And it wasn't because I hated the people or, you know, like I said, white trash to me are people that you see them. And you know that you're going to see them in 30 years and nothing changed. And they're happy. They're happy about it.

I always wanted more. Yeah. I always wanted to challenge every day. You know, I want to get challenged every day. When I wake up in the morning, I want a different type of day. You know, people hit me up all the time. They hit us up all the time. Hey, man, we have a song for the church.

Guess what? Take your fucking song And shove it up your fucking ass I don't want to hear your fucking song I'm gonna tell you why Because if you know anything about me I can't do the same shit twice every day So why would I want to hear your fucking song

Every fucking day? I appreciate that you took the time And writing it And I love you to death But push your fucking magic elsewhere Cocksucker You know last night some dude Was trying to get me to play Warren Zivon

Did you see that conversation? No, he told me about it though He's like, yeah Can you play my buddy shot themselves this week can you play Warren Z, Ron. Listen to the first three fucking words of this song. I got to tell you something, I would have shot myself, too. I would have shot myself in the fucking head if I had to listen to that shit.

Who's the other one you hate at the beginning of the podcast? He said, if you try to run out at a party. Oh, I fucking hate that dude. That's the dude that every party you go to some guys like, let's put on Zeppelin. Oh, no, no, no, let's put on. I forget what the fucking guys made. I forget who was, but you hated him, too. He sounds like he's taking a shit all the time.

He's America's sweetheart. They all love him, you know. the Gentile nation. Anybody who wears the fucking the hat with Sinatra to the side, they all fucking love that guy. You know, fuck you. I'll put,

anything on compares to that shit. Every day, that guy that sounds like he's taking a shit. Rick Ramos likes him. Oh, really? Well, yeah, Rick Ramos used to try to turn me out to him. I heard him when then I called Rick, or Rick, you're not fucking serious.

You're not fucking serious, are you? The fuck is that guy's name. If someone tweet at me, if you remember, I forget. What the fuck is that guy's name? I can't stand that shit. Yeah, my buddy died.

Can you play this song? I forget the fuck. There's no wonder he died. I fucking died too. And he's like, well, if you can't play that song, you can play this song. I'm not going to play that fucking song either. Tom Waits.

Tom Waits. Oh, Jesus Christ. Thank you, Inject Truth. That is the fucking worst. That shit is the fucking worst garbage. I have ever listened to him my life. That is the fucking worst. At least that white trashed in North Bergen

don't listen to. At least the people I grew up but listened to real fucking music. You weren't allowed to fake the funk. Like, you were not allowed to fake the funk at all and come up with like to be cute in front of some girl. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Oh, no, no. You know, put on Springsteen. Like, you never heard that shit that somebody would stab you in the fucking neck. There's a Sabbath house, cock sucker. Get your shit together. Oh, my God.

But it was, uh... It's just weird. like to see those type of people that you just knew. And I loved them. I'm not saying nothing bad about them. That was their prerogative. But they're going to settle. And I just didn't want to settle, Lee.

You know? Yeah. Was that your mindset behind leaving or was your mindset? Yeah, I just, I've always wanted, I don't, it probably was, but maybe I'm not smart enough to realize it yet. Because it's still, it's still only a few years ago. It moved fastly. I know.

But I always thought, I'll tell you this, I always thought it to be New York. Even after I was out here for a few months interning, and then I went back, I thought it'd be in New York. And then I had a job in L.A. and I just came out, and now it's home, but I always thought it would be New York. You know, and I always hated that, also that other mind, that other small-minded thing about the guy. You know, like the guy, like a mayor, like the mayor of North Bergen, he's a fucking putts. You know, I know him when he was like an assistant principal At one of that Lincoln School The guys are fucking putts

But if you go to North Bergen Now the guy walks in the room people Like, oh, I never had respect for that mindset either Yeah Fuck that motherfucker That bitch puts his little pants on one leg at a time That's why I can never be like I saw Julia serving

I saw Richard Gere when I was a kid I didn't give a fuck You know I would go up to him and shake the hand Like I didn't say nothing to Richard Gere at a club And Julia Serving was my fucking idol Pretty much growing up But I would never, my mom always instill this thing in me like, hey, fuck them. They put their pants on one leg at a time too.

Yeah. You know, they may be whatever they may be, celebrities, whatever the fuck they call themselves. But they put their pants on one leg at a time. So I came in my home. It was like when you have a job. And let's say the guy's name is Jim and you're the assistant editor. You know, Jim always shows up two hours after the 8 o'clock shift. He always shows up in a bad man.

mood like he's just genius and he's always got something on his mind and you're sitting there waiting for him to say something to see what kind of mood he's in before you react I always hated that fucking mentality but don't have that shit around me because of fuck what this guy thinks or what mood

he's in you know my wife I love my wife to death but she's the nicest person in the fucking world like when she asked me how was the gym today I want to choke her like how could the fucking gym be what do you think they were doing down there giving out of durs it's a fucking why My wife was people always said

How was your flight? My flight was shitty It was like every other fucking flight you're on You get on there You can't wait for it to fucking end Or for the plane to fucking hit Every time you get on the plane You pray that the plane don't fucking crash

That somebody don't smell like shit That somebody doesn't open up fucking hummus Those are the five prayers you have When I get on a fucking plane That's the first thing I'm thinking How the fuck is a plane ride You know? I love my wife

And my wife doesn't ask me howla How is your plane ride coming in Oh, it's spectacular. You got to see the rest of the people in the back stretched out, scratching their nuts. They're fucking sitting in the back like sardines. How the fuck you think my plane ticket was, you fuck? On top of that, I played $25 for luggage.

The fat fuck next to me was farting. He was drool on my shirt. You know, stop. Stop trying to give a fuck so much. How is the gym? It was great. My hand smelled like ass from the bicycle. What the fuck?

You know what the fuck? My hand smelled like ass. Yeah. You put him on the fucking. epileptic machine. Somebody who scratched their ass. I spray the fucking stuff on my hands.

Yeah, oh really? After the, yeah, because at the Y, they have paper. Yeah. They have disinfecting spray. And then they have like easy wipes. I take the easy wipes. I'm worried about them, but Terry. I'm wearing them on my fucking hands

when I jerk off or wipe my ass. That's all I put his elliptical hand in my ass. Next thing you know, my assholes fucking moving back and forth when I'm trying to sit there with an elliptical germ ass. You know, fucking people put their hands on that fucking 25? 4-hour fitness. How many fucking people you think actually wash their hands?

No. After they take a shit or they fucking take their dick and piss. I don't mind if a woman scratches a pussy and shakes my hand. I don't mind that shit at all. You can shake... That's a president. You can leave a fucking pubiccan a crab in my fucking hat.

Fuck. But these dudes, you got to assume. So when I get off that elliptical, I spray my hands. I spray my fucking hands. I go over to the lyticle and spray that shit. I wipe it down nice and I fucking combing. I get in my fingernails. nice everything because it's guilty out there

I shower at home do you shower at the gym depends where I go if I go to the Y I just walk home I just walk home when am I gonna fucking take a shower there with a bunch of men in cold water and no towels and shit yeah and I got look at people's dicks

and I got look at my dick I don't want to see that shit if I go to Jiu Jitsu I just shot because I have my knee brace so I take off my pants push off the knee brace so I just dry off switch T-shirts get my car and shoot home and wash my ass when I get out of fucking coffee. Yeah.

That's the first thing I do. Something fucked up happened to me yesterday. What happened? And it's funny that you brought up high school. So I've been working out and I set little goals for myself each day to either move the resistance up or to get to a different distance or a different calorie. So yesterday I had a goal for 800 calories and I felt great when I was doing it. I felt really pumped up. But my water was hot and I so I didn't really drink much of it while I was on the elliptical.

And I, like, chugged it when I got off because I was dying. And when I sat down in the locker room, I was sure I was going to puke. Like, I had to sit down for, like, 10 minutes. And people were staring at me because it was kind of busy. And I was just doing that breathing where, like, please don't puke. And I thought about it. And the only, this was the first time I was going to puke from working out. I joined freshman football in high school.

I never did Pop Warner, but I was trying to, like, do some stuff like that. And I hated it so much that one day I pretended to puke. because I saw some of the kids had puked and they got out of practice. Like, fuck, if I puke, I can get out of practice. So I pretended to one day. But yesterday I was sitting on the bench at the 24-hour fitness, sure, I was going to puke.

And I didn't, the only reason I didn't get up to go to the toilet was because I thought if I stood up, it was going to happen. But I was able to calm myself down. But it's just, it's funny. Like, all I could think about on that bench was me going into the leaves and pretending I was puking in freshman football. And now you really were going to fucking be. Oh, it was terrible.

800 calories. It's a lot of calories later. Yeah, I moved up. I started out at, I think, 2-1 or 4-1 on the resistance and height, and I was at 7-4 yesterday. Look at you, you bad, motherfucker. Any day now, you'll be fucking right in a bicycle with that dude with the One Nut. What's his name? Lance Armstrong.

Any fucking day now, you'll be calling me up from some mountain going, guess who I'm with right now? I'm a One-Nut. One-not, good old one-nut. And we're about to take a turn over here as fucking some pass. I'm proud of you. Look at you. I'm trying. I hit 20 pounds today.

And you like the 24-hour fitness? I'm beginning to. I feel guilty when I don't go, but I'm not at the point yet where I'm enjoying it. But I tell you what's helped me, and it's probably, I would probably go harder if I wasn't doing it. But I don't think I would do as much or keep going every day. I bring my iPad and I watch movies now. Because I saw another lady doing it. I saw a lady with a DVD player.

And I was watching 300 yesterday when I was getting really pumped up. And it makes the time go by so much quicker for me. You forget what's going on. I'm a music guy. I'm a music guy. Do you get lost in it? Because I can't get... I get lost.

Even with music, I'm just like, ooh-hmm. I just... Well, if you... I try to switch up to music. You know, like, I always bring a different album. And my goal is, like, hit the bag to the side of an album. Oh, okay. 30 minutes or like the other day I did like seven songs that were good in the row like there was three stone songs and like two Sabbath songs and one like Pat Benettar song with some shit I like you don't all set goals that way yeah after what I go wow that was 30 something minutes you know listen man I don't want anybody to think that when I tell him I like working out I fucking hate it yeah I fucking hate it too that's why I like getting it over with yeah you know I like getting it the fuck over with yesterday I had to go to jihitoo like this um

my buddy does these drills at his house. And I had nothing going on. So I said, let me go through there. I didn't break much of a sweat. But today I'm really fucking sore. Like, stepping, and you got to step and stretch your leg and fall back and then do this fucking pendulum kick. And it's pretty interesting that I know I have to do something every day.

I know. Like, I like to stretch also. Yeah, do you stretch every time? Because I hadn't been stretching. And my Achilles tendon has started to, like, tighten up. So people say me some stretch it to do. Yeah, you have to stretch. Stretching cold, they say, is bad for your muscles.

Just to stretch cold. Oh, okay. So a lot of times what I'll do is when I get out there, I'll just loosen the joint. My elbows, my shoulder joints, my hips, my knees, my ankles. I'll loosen them a little bit, right? And let's say I just shadow box, just shadow box, twisting, whatever. Once you break that sweat, you're warmed up. Okay.

So then I do, this is how I categorize it. Everybody else has their own system people will hit you. And then, you know, that's after a 10-minute warm-up. Then I do a little light stretching, boom, boom, boom. And then let's say I'm going to hit the bag. I attack the bag. Why I do hip escapes? Or I do a couple of exercises that I'm doing jiu-jitsu.

Really break that sweat going, you know, and then I go for it. Then you go. then after you workout, I too was not warming up, was not stretching after a workout. And I'll tell you what, it saves you a little soreness. You don't get a sore. And again, I stretch everything. My calves, my thighs, my hamstrings, my glutes, my back is very important. I do a bunch of yoga stretches.

I do, you know, this last week I was very interesting because, like I said, I like yoga. I like Jiu-Jitsu. I like everything about Jiu-Jitsu. I'm big for it. And my movement is a little slow because of it. I never wrestled in high school, but that doesn't stop me. I have different things. Like my breathing in Jiu-Jitsu is horrifying.

You know, I've quit smoking the dope. I've tried to, and I know it's the weight. You know, 300 pounds is a lot of weight to move around, so I understand. So I've been trying to lose some weight. But the confidence thing for me in Jiu-Jitsu is my breathing. That after two minutes, if I'm on bottom, I do a couple of hip escapes, I got to tap out. Right.

If I get on top of you and I go to submit you, I got to stop because I'm not breathing. If you rolled your shoulder and it goes into my solarplex, I can't breathe, you know? Well, I'm sure if you recorded yourself when you first started, because you've been doing it for almost a year and a half, something like that? Yeah. I'm sure you're a lot better at it. The breathing has gotten a lot better, but it's not to where I thought it would be. So that's why I'm doing this dieting.

I'm doing a lot more cardio now. I went to a doctor the other day. I went to a specialized doctor. He was a friend of a friend. And he told me that my hips were sideways. That's why I was having knee problems. He was sort of a chiropractor plus. Oh, okay.

Fucking $250 fucking dollars. And it's hysterical. I don't know how people live their lives without insurance. Oh, I have to get insurance now because I'm when I turn 26. I can't be my parents anymore. That's it. It's over for you. It's fucking expensive. How much?

Minimum of 200 a month. Minimum. And it's probably going to be more than that. That's $2,400 a year for nothing. Yeah. For nothing. That's no dental, no vision. Yeah.

That's like a hundred-dollar deductible off at the doctor's office or something like that. And let me tell you something. I don't want you to be a pussy. At 26, I wasn't even thinking about fucking insurance. Oh, yeah. At 26, I didn't even think about insurance or doctors or anything. but it's fucking amazing how expensive it is.

Like I thought this guy was going to charge me 60 fucking bucks. I didn't even have enough money in my ATM card. I had to put up my visa card. My wife don't even fucking know yet. $250. My wrist still hurts. He said he adjusted my neck and some shit in my brain, which is funny because that night I had an experience happening.

I had an experience happening in my sleep. That has not happened to me ever before. What happened? I went to the doctor Tuesday. I didn't have acupuncture. I had a meeting in Hollywood. I couldn't make jih Tijuana. I didn't make it back over the hill to 1.25, and they canceled my 2 o'clock.

So I was fucking pissed. So I just went home and waited until my 3.30, and I had a 3.30 with him. My 3.30 was at this fucking doctor. Okay. So I get over. I basically went for this doctor for pain. My wrist pain? I didn't know.

Oh, from the kettle of him. And my knee is on fire again. Not as bad as it was before the shot. So I've been taking it easy lately. I've been trying to work out every other day. Like usually you work out two days on and then two days off or two on, one off, two on, then two off, then one on. I'm just doing every other because it's too much.

I can feel after the second day that my knee hurts. Right. So this is just common sense. I just switched up. Somebody gave me this advice, Rob, with Dubai, you know. What the fuck are we talking about? I don't even know. About what happened when we were sleeping?

So I went to this doctor and he adjusted all this shit. And I got up in the middle of the night, my wife was passed out. And I got up in the middle of night to beat. And when I got back in bed, I put my mask on. I laid down, and it was like I was getting too much air. Oh. Like, it was getting too much air. And all of a sudden, I started feeling weird.

Like, it was too much. And I'm grasping for air. And I'm grasping for air. And it was too much. And I had to get up and take my mask off and walk around. I had to go, like, I was getting this reversed anxiety. Oh, shit. You know, so I know the guy affected me somewhere or another.

He must have touched something. But he did tell me some pretty interesting things. He told me to tape my mouth at night when I slept, and I would lose five pounds a month. Tape your mouth? Tape your mouth. And just breathe through my nose because I breathe through my mouth. So he goes, your oxygen is completely different from your nose and your mouth.

Through your mouth, you pick up a lot of dirt, and everything gets dragged into your lungs. Through your nose, you have a filter. He was breaking it down. And he said, if you wanted me to light it. my cardio on fire. In fact, you've got to put a program on my phone and app to get my heart rate. Okay. Because he goes, whatever your heart rate is, I want you to touch it when you just wake up, touch it. And whatever your heart rate is, I want you to do 30 steps, like you're going up steps, and then stop.

And I don't want you to do it again, so it goes right back to the original heart rate. I don't care what you need to do, and he goes, do 30 steps, do five to ten times. And he goes, your cardio will elevate, you know. And I also been doing breath of fire lately. What's that? It's Condolini yoga. My man, Denny, has a certified yoga instructor. I worked with him this weekend a little bit in San Jose.

San Jose was great because I did that type of shit. That's cool. Listen, man, I like all that nerd shit. And I don't like fear. I hate fear in my life. A lot of times I won't go to Jiu-Jitsu because I'm like, I don't want to get stuck up today. I'm not in the mood to not be able to breathe.

There's a period in my jiu-jitsu. It could be what I'm rolling sometimes. It could be what I'm doing a hip-a-scade. It could be when I'm doing a drill. That oxygen disappears from my body. And I have this sweat just totals over my body. It's the weirdest fucking thing. It just comes over me.

This little fucking skunk sweat. And I feel it from my feet all the way to the top of my head. It's just a light layer of sweat that coats my body. Does it happen every time? Every time that I run out of oxygen, I think I'm going to fucking die. No, no, no, but do you run out of oxygen every time you go to DoDoo? Every time at one, at some point in my workout. Fuck.

Some point with the kettlebells, I'll get that little joint to me. Well, I'm like, hold on one second. My heart's going fast. I got to get my fucking brains to me. And I do make my thing. Now, I'm not a doctor, but has anyone ever said you should get on some anxiety medicine? Or do you not want to? Like, has that ever been, have you ever thought about it?

Well, about 10 years ago, I got anxiety. on anxiety medicine. I was doing heavy-duty cocaine. And it wasn't working. I would do the pills at the end of my cocaine trip at 3 in the morning, 4 in the morning. And I don't know. I don't know.

It wasn't... I went to... Anxiety for me was taken care of by Dr. Amy. You know? Oh, it helps? Yeah, that's why I basically went to Dr. Amy for a long time was the anxiety. And I noticed the difference, like, a month after I went to see Dr. Amy.

Anxiety is caused... Now, guys, I know you people are going to hate me on Twitter and fucking send me messages. This is my feeling. Anxiety is like a lack of confidence in the mind. Like, it's like a brain fart. For me it was. Like, there was something else that was bothering me, and for me focusing it on it so much, it gave me this anxiety. That's how I felt about it.

I could be wrong, guys. I think that's what it is for most people. I could be wrong. This is how it felt like for me. And this is how it felt like for me after the anxiety had been taken away. It felt like I had, my mind had bumped into a problem that I couldn't solve. Mm-hmm. And because of that, I can't breathe.

My tolerance goes up on a, you know, like if something happens right away, I go to that place. Is that, you know, I understand. No matter what happens. and the number one trigger of that was when I lost my breath. Like there's mornings, I would just get to a fucking radio interview and I would walk up the stairs real fast

and when I got to the top of the stairs like the people would be talking to me I go like, hold on one second. I got to catch my fucking bearings to me. It makes sense because I mean your body must think you're dying. My anxiety would go up which would make me feel like I was going to pass out.

Yeah. So I think the acupuncture has helped My anxiety, a lot, a lot plus going to the gym. You know, like I said, going to the gym isn't about listen to music, and it's not about watching an iPad. It's really about breaking down something. You know, a lot of times when you ask me your questions, what do I say to you?

I'll tell you in a few days. Yeah. Let me work out a couple times. Let me work. I'm not telling you that I'm going to walk into that workout. and from the time I'm doing kettlebells, I'm thinking about Lee's question, it's going to pop up in my mind.

It's on a revolving, you know, when you have your iPod, what is that called? A shuffle. It's on shuffle. So not only am I thinking about mercy, not only am I thinking about my knee, but not only am I thinking about what jokes I'm going to say, not only am I thinking what songs am I playing the podcast,

boom, I also have the thought that fucking Lee has. ask me, you know, what are we going to do? Do we want to do this podcast? You follow me? That's where it all comes up. That's why I like to work out. That's why I like to walk. That's why you have to meditate.

You know, you could just sit. You know, meditation isn't what people tell you. Meditation all the time is like, well, you have to go to a dark corner and light a candle and incense, and you've got to take your shoes off and put your hands like this and let the Shavasana enter you and the fucking spirit of death. No. meditation is what takes you away for 20 minutes. Yeah.

Do I want you to sit in a fucking corner and go, okay, you know, if you want to be part of the Pepsi generation. Meditation is those 22 minutes at the gym that you sit there after the workout's over, and you sit in the corner drinking that water, and your leg is up, and you're sweating, and something comes into your body. you've got the sense of accomplishment from finishing your workout, and now you're going to your next hurdle, and that's meditation. When you're sitting in that corner after a workout,

and you're putting your socks on. You know, when you take your socks off and you're about to take a shower, but something makes you pop your head up. Yeah. And you think about something, a thought just entered your head. Yeah? That's meditation. That's really half the reason, not half,

a quarter of the reason I'm excited about going to Vegas is because I know I get to drive and for four hours. For some people, it could just be, you know what, I write this joke on the way to the gig. I'm going to be in a car for four hours anyway. And it's funny because you say that to yourself today. It's Thursday afternoon. You're planning on leaving tomorrow. Yeah.

Okay, so the first time you're getting your car, right, and you're driving, what are you thinking about? The traffic, this fucking jerk off, look at this guy, he cut me off, you know, whatever, did I put enough money? Did I leave enough cat food for the cat? You think of all the exterior things. You think of you can't believe they're still letting fucking kids in from Mexico. You know, you're thinking of all these things. Now, you haven't heard about the kids this week from Mexico. That's it.

Really? That's it. They shine the light on it. Now they took the light off and now buses are tripled. Oh, Jesus. Now the buses have tripled because these people don't know. There's going to be like the Marielle thing all over again. This is Mariel Cuba, 1979.

Oh, really? Yeah, this is Mario Cuba. They're going to send you kids, but in between those kids, you're going to have shit and convicts and drug smugglers. So we might get 60,000 kids or whatever the fuck, but 20,000 those kids are okay. You have the 40,000 are fucked up little motherfuckers that shoot spitballs and fucking, you know,

fucking take a skateboard and go uphill. So what are we talking about? About meditating when you're driving? Meditation when you're driving. So after the first hour goes away, Paula, Joey, the podcast, What happens after the first hour and a half? Your body maintains, you breathe, your breathing is fucking level because you're not doing jumping jacks.

Same thing with meditation. Meditation is all you're controlling your breathing. I did that meditation for a while. My dad was really into it. Yeah, you know, you've got to classes. We did it every day. You know, things pop up in your life, and you don't know what they are, and people will refer to you to meditation.

Exercise. At the end of the day, what are we talking about? an hour of your time where you dedicated to you. It has nothing to do with life or your fucking stupid fucking job or your stupid fucking wife or your stupid fucking kid.

It's an hour a day that you take care of yourself. That the phone doesn't exist. It's just you in the universe and your fucking shorts. You know, I can't. Ari and I, Ari was going to call him today. Oh, okay. He just came from Montreal.

Ari's doing the, this is not happening. We're planning on doing this is not happening, which I think is a great idea. The reason why I like that this is not happening so much is because it makes me sit down and write something. Listen, there's a difference between telling a story and telling a great story. And telling a great story is you want the person to smell it. If you want to be a good storyteller, remember what I'm fucking telling you. I got to heavily smell it. I got to take him there.

I got to bring them there for 10 seconds. 10 seconds, I did my job. As long as one part of that story really brings you there? Brings you there. It takes you there, you know? So the topics for this, this is not happening are romance, friendship, childhood, and danger. Romance ain't one of my favorite fucking topics. I don't get it.

You know what I'm saying? I'm not a handsome guy, so I never really got romance too much. Danger is my middle fucking name. Childhood, I told too many fucking stories about my childhood and friendship. I know a little bit about this because it was introduced to me from a different fucking angle friendship. So I picked friendship, you know. And it's funny how Ari and I have been talking on the phone three times a day for the last 10 days. And yesterday when we had the meeting with Comedy Central, we had like a, what do you call us?

when everybody gets on the phone, a conference call. Uh-huh. I said to Comedy, I said to Comedy Central in front of Ari. I go, Comedy Central, by the way, Ari and I have been talking every day for the last 10 days. And they were like, really? Oh, my God, that's great. I go, we're really going over this. I go, because I'm his friend.

And I'm family. So I have to be better than everybody else. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? And you'd be on twice before. Twice before. I have to be better than everybody else. And it's so funny.

that when you write these, so the difference with this one is it's going to be on TV. Yeah. So they're going to, you're going to have to, you're going to have to tape me somewhere? You have the bloggy still? Yeah. You have to tape me somewhere doing the story. And then we're going to set the Comedy Central and they're going to put a commercial on it to show us how it's going to look. Oh.

And how we can rearrange the story. To make it work with the commercial break. You know, it's so funny that this writing has made me write of the material. Like I was stuck writing material. And ever since I've been writing this project. project. It's so weird how I turned the story around and how I told what it was three weeks ago

and what it is now. I got this fucking itch on my back. I swear to God, I'm gonna light this fucking t-shirt on fire. It's so fucking itchy. You want some more brownie? See, you're wearing high. I told you.

I feel it coming, but I'm looking now. It's all right. What's coming? You're looking handsome. What's coming as a turkey sandwich at subway? Would you stop with that fucking turkey shit's going to kill you? That fake fucking turkey. I know, but it's fucking, what else I'm going to get right now?

Not turkey, they got to have something else. That's what we're talking about. About you writing this story? You're writing the story for Ari. So I'm fucking writing the story for Ari. And it's just amazing that after all these years of the comic, I get more from, I used to sit there to write a joke

and that nothing would happen. Now I sit there and write the story for Ari and I write four jokes because there's no waste of time. Yeah. Are you with me? So I used to sit there before, like with a pen in my mouth, and say, okay, I got to write a joke about Lee.

I love when he puts hair gel on. Right? Now I don't do that no more. I actually write the fucking story. What's the matter? Who's paging you? Which one of your bitch? A fucking telemarker.

I got a telemarker. This one's from Cleveland, Ohio. I get one from... Why a telemarker is calling your cell phone? I don't know. How did they get this number? I think it's websites or the stores, when the stores make you give it to them.

Every morning at 7 o'clock, I get something from some weird state. Wisconsin and it fucking pisses me off. They're leaving a message? No, they never leave a message. What the fuck you have to do with your life? You know these fucking people change my number? We were talking about three good things and we forgot what the fuck

they were. No, I didn't, I didn't forget. You're supposed to conduct the fucking conversation here. I'm conducting. I was going to just... Thursday morning July 16th, except you are there, cock-suckers, get up, wash your pussy, deodorized. It's going to be a warm one today. It's humid out there. We want to eat the rest of his

cupcake with me? I want to take it? Take another bite? I'm good at two bites. Let's take another bite. Fuck it, let's go for broke. I'm in the mood to see the devil's like. It's cloudy out. It's cloudy.

What do you got to do? What do you have to do today? I have two other podcasts. What time? I'm not sure because it's Rick and Steve. You have no fucking podcast. Steve worked until 6 a.m. He texted me right as I got here.

What was he doing? He was doing something for the SBs or something. And then I'm there until 6 a.m. With the ESPs last night? Yeah. So then there was a party afterwards. Must be, yeah. Yeah, they had them at the after party, shaking hands.

Oh, shit. Jumping up and down. Steve Simone is a fucking hustling motherfucker. Yeah. You know, it's amazing how people, you know, you think that we're out here and this is a glamorous life and shit like that. It wouldn't be so, it would be so fucking glamorous. What would be doing up at 445?

You know what I'm saying? The same fucking glamorous. We do it because we love doing it. But it's amazing how some people fucking work and some people don't work. Lee. Steve. Steve doesn't give a fuck. That kid moves around. I mean, he goes to San Diego.

How I go to Hollywood. Yeah. He just talks about San Diego like it's nothing. Like, I'm going to San Diego again. He's in La Jolla, every other fucking weekend. I don't know how the fuck he does it. Yeah. He's just, I've known that guy for a long time.

And he's one of the sweethearts of comedy. When they do that special. The Sweethearts of Comedy? Sweethearts of Common. They're going to have him on it. And on top of that, he just, you know, he was doing security. Here's a guy that's a great comedian. He just taped the CD, and it never ends with him, you know, and that's how you have to be.

Like, people think, like, oh, once I do this, I'll never do this again. You do it needs to be done. What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm getting high. Are you starting to get high? Yeah. I can tell.

Look, you're all giggling, your head's all red-cutter. I caught you. You were sitting there dreaming like a little. pizza and jack in the box or tuna fish sandwich or some shit yeah that be nice but uh it's amazing that i hope your people pay attention at home that this is not just you know steve didn't have to be here at six the morning monday i could have him called i called it a call to the seven i asked him to call and he goes no i'm coming in that's a work ethic and that's the work ethic that you don't see a lot out here that people complain i bumped to somebody on fucking sunday sunday i bought

to somebody at rouse a comic and he asked me two questions He was very nice, and then he went out on a tangent, how he doesn't have anything, that nobody calls him for anything. And I said, Tom, can I ask you a personal question? When was the last time I saw you? He was all about four years. What have you been doing?

You know, it's amazing how people don't want to do anything, but they want the phone to ring. Yeah. They don't want to do anything, but they want the phone to ring. If you want your phone to ring, you got to put yourself out there. You know, I hate when comics think that all they have to do is go to the improv and get a cocktail and hang out.

And that's what they need to do. No, you need to, listen, I don't care if you go to the shittiest open mic out there. It's still an open mic. You're still around your peers. You're still going to be around eight to ten people that are in the same boat as you. One of those ten people has a comedy show somewhere they do. do because they're trying to strive. That person's going to

call you. But the only way for him to call you is guess what? If he fucking knows about you. If he doesn't know about you, I can't call you. I hadn't seen this kid since he was like a writer for a TV show. And I go, didn't you get a job after?

He goes, no, they never call me back after that or whatever. And I'm like, do you get on stage? He goes, not really. Nobody gives me spots. Do you go down there? Not really, because nobody gives me spots. Then what do you do? I forgot you You would forget about somebody You would get mad at yourself And you get back on the car

And you go, I'm mad at myself I remember the dumbest fucking things But I forgot who the fuck that guy was And I forgot about him Because I decided out of fucking mind It's like anything else man If I don't fucking see you How are we gonna call you

Exactly So it's amazing the mindset that people have in LA And meanwhile Steve Simone Is working the SPs Until 6 in the fucking morning You know Yes, I mean, it's nice to see with him, especially because when we started the podcast, he, like, I don't know, he was telling me about all this stuff. Like, you would feel bad, but, no, he's happy, and he's doing, now we have the CD coming out soon.

If he couldn't complain, he wouldn't be fucking happy. If you know Steve Simone, if he wouldn't complain, he wouldn't be fucking happy. So there you have it. That's the problem. He's one of those guys. He's like my mother. You know, he bitches at you if he's busy. and he'll bitch at you if he's if he's not fucking busy.

Yeah. But he'll bitch at you more when he's not busy because he's not lazy fucking guy, you know? Yeah. And that's what you've got to respect out here. You know, all these people that you hear, I get requests from people. This morning I woke up four messages on Facebook.

Every one of them was either a podcast appearance or a gig or something like that. And the podcast guys are guys that are looking for a quick hit. Like Cassius Morris. Cassius Morris is the young kid. Yeah. That kid works harder than most adults I know. That's why I'll do whatever the fuck I need to do for Cassius.

Because he doesn't give a fuck. Cassius Morris is always interviewing somebody. He's always at a concert. He's always texting. He's always fucking Facebooking. You know, he's got a dream. You know, in 20 years, Cassius Morris is going to be fucking deadly. He's 13, right?

he's at least 13, 15 somewhere around. He's a few years from coming out here, but yeah, he's going to be here soon. Well, he's got to go to college. Right. Well, yeah, probably. Unless he goes somewhere to fuck else. He's got to go to college.

What do I give a fuck? I just wish he does well. I know he's going to do well. He's got that work ethic at a young fucking age. He's going to do great. Who saw the fucking commercial for Gabriel Lacey? That was cool, yeah. Un-bren fit.

One what? One good fit. Are you going to take the family to go see that movie? What movie? Oh, Gabriel Iglesias. What the fuck would you think I thought? I thought I thought I thought. Have you seen Felipe Sparses commercial?

Yeah. On what? Can somebody please fucking tell me? On TV and online? No, no, because it's fucking L.A. They play Spanish commercials every once in a while. And then I think he tweeted it. It's on YouTube.

Wow, I'm so high. I thought you said Felipe. No, I've seen the commercial for Gabriel. Yeah, that looks awesome. If you guys listen to the show and support the show, you know, I break your balls about honor. I break your balls about Nature's Box. I break your balls about nailed in life.

You know, I don't ask a lot of you guys, but do me a favor, man. If you get a chance, just go see the Gabriel movie. Let's all fucking go watch and support him next week. And I'll tell you why, man. It's not who Gabriel is. I love Kevin Hart. I love anybody who has the balls to do something like that. I never have the balls to do a concert film like that and put myself on.

Gabriel deserves him on anybody, but it's what Gabriel stands for. And for you people are sitting there going, what does he stand for? Fat people, Mexican, what's he stand for? He stands for a kid that had nothing. He stands for a kid that was a kid amongst men. I saw him standing around men as a kid. insecure, giggling, with fucking braces on, looking around the fucking room.

And he became one of the biggest men in that room. And he didn't do it from stealing. He didn't do it from lying. He didn't do it with Twitter. He didn't do it with a YouTube video. He did it the old-fashioned way by being 500 pounds and getting on a plane every fucking Wednesday.

And staying out there. And at the same time, putting food in the mouths. There's six other kids that have a fucking dream. He puts him in a van, he drives them all around the country. Whether it's Martine or Alfred Robles or the guy from San Antonio or his road manager, Ivan, you know, he's taking 10 kids that had nothing, giving him a life. And I talked to Joe off camera yesterday. Joe was asking me, and then Joe called me on the way to Hollywood, and we were talking about it.

And I said, Joe, Gabriel stands for that good comic. I don't care what you think about him. I don't care how you feel about his fucking comedy, if you don't like the noises he makes. Well, I like Lewis C.K. You know, I love what, I understand that. But if you're a good guy who had nothing and you worked hard. And if you believe in that, you'll go watch this movie.

If you believe that someday something good is going to happen to you by getting up every morning and working hard, what the fuck am I talking about here? You're like, Joy, what the other? I get up hard at work. No, no, no, no, no. You get up and work hard and you believe in yourself. This kid believed himself.

And like I said, he never fucking did nothing wrong. And the reason why me and Leah are in this room right now is because of Gabriel Glaze is indirectly. So there it is. There it is in a fucking nutshell, cock-sucking. And it'll be a funny movie. And it'll be funny. Everything else is background music.

But this is not, you know, this is not, an acting movie. This is not a fucking, this is a movie about a guy who he sat in this podcast. He did me a solid, the way he did me, 30,000 solids. But he didn't just do me a solid. He did, this guy's done

300 people solids. More than any other fucking comic, I know. And Joe Rogan's a very nice guy and very generous. And Gabriel's up there, you know, and this is why I'm telling you guys, do me the fucking personal favor. You know, I mean, what else is coming out in the

25th. There's something else. No. Let me check. No, there's one other movie coming out. I wouldn't go watch it. You know, I'm with Gabriel next fucking Friday. I'm going to fly into Reno and go right to the movies. Oh, shit. Let's see here.

Go ahead. Coming soon. There's something else. I'm telling you. The Hercules. Hercules. I knew something. That looks like garbage. Well, you know, people with the rock. People want to go see that shit. I wouldn't go see that shit. And I like the rock. I got

nothing against the rock. No. I just don't want to see fucking. I like when the fucking old Italians played it. Oh, yeah? Yeah, Giovanni Mahoney, whatever his fucking name is. Yeah. Steve Reeves, wasn't Superman, Hercules for a while?

Probably. Yeah, the original fucking Superman. Lee, you got to lighten this fucking thing up today. Where's the music, Coxuck? You got to hit me with something. Okay. Don't tell me, don't know. Well, I ain't playing.

You got to pick something to light this shit up. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, my fucking green day. like a motherfucker.

That's right, bitches. Get up. What are you scared about? Kick this shit. Kick this shit, Lee. Kick this motherfucker. I don't know if this light is the mood. Bang.

Bang. You walk alone, cocksucker. Get up, grab your nuts. Salute the flag. Thank your fucking maker for giving you another day on this fucking rotten apple. What the fuck of my gun to talk about here, what?

What the fucking my fucking? talking about Lisa. He's supposed to be conducting the whole fucking podcast. When that music went off, I'm not sure what we were talking about. Well, let me give some shout outs. Just straighten you out so you get your fucking banter to you. I want to give a shout out to my main man. Mike Levin.

Aaron Walner. Aaron Walker. That's his fucking name. Sean Clark, Danny Aki Wyatt Damello, Kyle Eggleston, Chung Kennedy, my main fucking Chinaman, and Scott.

Hot fucking black. I love you, cock's suck. All you, you motherfuckers. I love you at all my heart. What, Lee, what? So what? You ate a fucking, I'm telling you, if you get an opportunity, these 500 milligram brownies from Antig Dolores

to take it to another fucking letter. Yeah, they're pretty strong. You know, I ate all the gummies or monos. Already? How many do they give you? Fucked up. I know they gave you a bunch. A bunch, and they also gave me peanut brittle.

Ooh. The peanut brittle didn't even make it down from San Jose. I don't smoke. So I got to pop on these things. Like by 9 o'clock, so the parties in my mind, it's going. You follow me? I need the fucking party to be going. It's going.

Where's the music one? You're back? I thought you were playing it. What happened? Lee, you're slipping. I'm going to have to karate choppy and jugular. Look at my man. Brock Salada is making a fucking comeback.

You know who Brock Salata is? No. Neither do I. I just fucking figured I run it by you just in case you got some bitches and shit. Eat the fucking brownie. It's gone. What are you talking about? That's the whole new brownie.

Who the fuck you think you're dealing with some novice here? That's, you want to show up with one gun and one bullet? You want to split a thousand milligrams before 8 a.m.? That, what? Let me ask yourself. What would a professional do? You think a professional would split the fucking, do you think we need another piece?

I don't know. Part of me thinks you might. Part of me thinks you might not. I think Lee, you would do fucking beautiful another piece. So would I. I'd be sleeping right over. So what? Look, it's beautiful. You know, you put the air on. It's a beautiful corner.

You hug yourself. You got a blanket. You know, you sleep on your stomach. You stay warm. Your little assholes up in the air. Look at the shape of you and shit. So what are you going to do with the white this week? And what are you going to see the wife? I'm going to go, there's this cool place on Redondo Beach Pier that you can get like fresh fish and shrimp. And you just tell them how, like, by weight, how much you want like a deli counter. And then they cook it for you right on the beach. So it's really cool. We're going to go do that Saturday. And then Paul is going to come back with me that night. And then the next day, my cheat for my birthday is enchiladas, which I'm pretty excited about.

Come on. Yeah. But it's, it was, I have to thank you because, like, we were talking yesterday, and there's this Italian place I like to go to Vegas. And I just said, do you and Steve want to go? And you're like, is that really worth the 800 calories at the gym? And I had to think about it. And it's not because of like 1,400 calories. And so I'm not going to go.

But it's just a, you have to change your whole mindset. You know, when you started this process, we were talking about this process for the last 30 days, we went to Arizona. Remember we went to Arizona, Tampa, me, you and the Army, and we were told him to that knucklehead to one night. And he's like, well, I've already lost 52 pounds without even exercising.

Oh, really? And then when I walked outside, the waiter's like, he's a fucking liar. Oh. You know, and then, and I didn't like that because, listen, 70% of it is diet, okay? 70% of it is diet. But the only way when you're losing the weight for it to really permeate in your mind is by making you pay for it. Yeah.

You have to pay for half of that weight. You have to make yourself responsible somewhere, whether you walk, whether you run, whether you do jumping jacks, hey, I love that you're starving yourself. And that's going to work. And eventually that'll work, and you'll lose the weight, but you'll put it back on because you think that you could just do it by that.

I'd rather you keep it off. Right, yeah. Listen, I'm fat right now, but say what you want to say, I kept off 100 pounds. And nobody knows what the fuck I was eating except me. And nobody knows how much I'd sacrifice.

Because at the end of the day, I'm a fat fuck, just like the rest of you motherfucker at home. I cut when I bleed. Do you, let me ask you guys, you know, I had a white shirt on this morning. I left the house with a white shirt on this morning. But as I was leaving, for breakfast,

instead of eating like usual fat people, oh no, no, no, no, I got to make a protein shake with 300 calories and no carbohydrates to get my day started, so it kicks open my engine and whatnot. So I got up this morning, I drank some coffee. I drank some water first, open my palate. I fed the cats, I drank some coffee, I smoked a vapor pen, you know, I fucked around the computer. I took a shower and I made the shake.

And I made the shake and I was shaking it up and I put the white t-shirt on and I flipped over and boom, it spilled on my fucking shirt. Now I'll go home and my wife will have either one egg scrambled with fruit and a piece of wheat bread or one egg yolk, two pieces of thin bacon, and one piece of wheat bread and that's my breakfast. You guys want me to lie to you and tell you that's the breakfast I enjoy. If that's the breakfast, I woke up this morning dreaming about

a fucking protein powder made with water and one egg scrambled with green peppers in it and wheat toast. I'm not saying I love when my wife makes me anything. But if that's what you think I want for breakfast, you're fucking crazy. Right. You know, I want a cheese omelet.

I want a steak. I want white toast Three pieces Six slices I want fruit I want potatoes Home fries burnt You know

I want Coca Cola With ice cubes Fuck the water Fuck the juice You know that's what I want That's what I want For lunch Oh please

How many First off which lunch The 1130 or the 1 o'clock Which lunch are you referring to Because I'm a fat fuck I'm a real fucking deal fat fuck. I will blast a joint at a quarter to 11, and by 11.30, what do you want to go?

A little Mexican, two tacos, some rice and beans, and a couple fucking enchiladas and a couple cans of Coke, and then at 1 o'clock, I could hook you up again with a Chinese special from anywhere. That's just me on a fucking regular day. Maybe about three, we go for a shake somewhere. Nice. Mask and Robbins, the big one.

Who gives a fuck about a little one? Who's worried about milk and gluten-free and all that shit? Then go home and see what the wife cooked up. I could eat that, two, three servings, smoke a joint, watch Jeopardy. And by 8.39 o'clock, I could be at a sushi place thrown down with the best one. Two, three rolls, a couple slices. Fuck for you and your salad. A couple more cans of Coke, kick up that diabetes.

And then I could go home and turn the TV on and smoke two or three more fucking bonnets. And guess what I could do at night too? At midnight, I could probably put together another ham and cheese sandwich on toast with mayonnaise, a few chips, and another can of Coke. So you're talking to the wrong fat fuck. You're talking to the wrong fat fuck. I could run with the best of anybody in the fat division. You know, you're talking to the wrong fucking guy.

Can you do something like that? Oh, my God. What would be your ideal day? The truth, right here. The ideal day? Lay it on me. All right. You wake up at 8.

What time do you start inhaling fucking food? See, I'm not a huge breakfast person. Without Riefer. Without Rifa. I'm not a huge breakfast person, but I'm going to go with my ideal day. Give me the ideal day. And I want the... This is the vines included.

This is the Milky Ways. Okay. This is the donuts. This is the chips, the nachos. Give me your ideal day. If I gave you a million dollars in the bank and you just didn't give a fuck if you weighed 600 pounds. You don't want me to be lunchies? because Munchies makes it worse.

Munchies, too. I want everything. All right. So, well, okay. I was going to say a bagel with locks and cream cheese because it's fucking amazing. But if I'm being bad, it would be going probably to McDonald's. Yeah, probably to McDonald's getting two egg macmuffins and two hash browns because you put the hash browns in the eggwick muffin. And it's amazing.

Yeah, I probably at least one bag of chips or something maybe between breakfast and breakfast. lunch at around one or something. I wouldn't go crazy. And then for lunch I would love a California burrito, which is just a burrito, but they put French fries in it. It's fucking amazing. And two tacos. Two small tacos.

Definitely a couple of sweet things after that. At least two or three. And then dinner. A whole milky way bar. No, not a big one. I'm thinking about when I used to work in an office and they had like small little snacks. But I'll tell you the worst in a second.

And then for dinner, let's say I order. General got chicken, but you have to order the dumplings with that. Because you can't, it's like you can't walk on one leg. Right. No, I ain't mad at you. And then the worst was for like a month or two. I always had that. So maybe whenever right before I died, I'm always like it's the worst.

I would go to 7-Eleven and get two packs of Reese sticks and two gummy bears. and that would probably end the night. That's when I would go crazy with the sweets. And I'll diet coke throughout the day. All that. Not a sip of water. No, no sweet Coke? No, and it's not for calories or anything.

I just, I like to taste better. How many dinners would you eat? Usually one, but I've had the days where 11 o'clock you go and make some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And I've been single, so it wasn't like anyone was going to see. It must be hard. with Terry. What's that?

Like, I feel a little bit self-conscious. If I, like, if I, like, if I, like, if I, like, if Paul was there and, like, at midnight I was going to go make a sandwich, I would think twice about it. I didn't give a fuck. Yeah. But I've had the, I've never had multiple, like, full dinners, but it's always, like, a peanut butter in jail or something. I could have multiple dinners.

I could eat at a couple of different people's houses. Like, I can't lie to people. I'm sure I could have done it, but, yeah, I could do it every day. breakfasts and I'm not but the whole time I didn't talk about cakes I'm not a cake guy yeah I'll eat a donut from yum yums once a month you know a good chocolate coconut donut once a month I love pumpkin pie but I don't eat it all the time you know I was always a beggars I was always choosy with my diet okay so I know if I do one thing I can't do them all I know that the thing that kills me the worst is sugar.

Sugar kills me the worst at this age right now. Anything I do with sugar definitely tax on it's not going anywhere. If I eat a whole chicken it goes away. I could eat one little piece of candy and it sticks around like fucking herpes.

It sucks onto me. It's fucking crazy when you're watching this shit and taking a look at this shit. Yeah and it's great. I mean I think the point of that was just like what you look at now and you have to keep your portions down. Yeah and it would be great to go to the strumble. Like for me, it would be great, but it's like,

I'm not going to spend 10 hours in the gym, three hours in the gym, it's not worth it, it doesn't taste that good. I think that's what people mean when they say, nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels. I think that's bullshit. I think nothing tastes as good to make you work out. Being skinny is overrated.

Yeah. I mean, you know, a fool is fucking tremendous. Yeah. When you sit and you're with your, family and you, especially if you're an ethnic family. And everybody fucking likes to eat, you know. Everybody likes to fucking eat. And like I told Lee, yesterday I think we're talking about lifestyles, you know.

I didn't know about lifestyle changes until I went to wait watches with Rick Ramo's. That's when I found out about what a lifestyle change was, what you have to do differently. And I'm not angry. I needed to do this. You know, I knew when I left the East Coast. that there was a bunch of foods I was never going to eat again. I knew it because I'm so hard-headed and so old school that I'm so old school that I knew I would never eat them again.

Like I'm like anybody else. I love eating late night. We all love eating three in the fucking morning after a bar. But I won't do it here. You know, in a couple of years, you know, and we went one night after the ha-ha. We all went to Denny's. And three of us got sick. But at the other part, where we were?

Would you go? We wouldn't go to Denny's that night. There ain't nowhere to go. This isn't like, I'm in Los Angeles, in the valley. I'm telling you people, beside Denny's, where are we going to go to eat? Anywhere else? In and out, I guess. Maybe. In an out, burger. What time is there an out stay open until? I think there's one until two or one. You know, I don't want to eat the fuck.

I'm going to those fucking diners and having a cheeseburger deluxe. Fuck. You sleep like a fucking baby afterward. But where the fuck am I going to go to Denny's from one of those murderers? burgers. You go home, you go to sleep and two hours later, you're waking up, you can't fucking sleep, you're shitting. You know. A Chipotle

Bowl will do that too. I had one this week. There's nothing worse than you fucking go into bed and getting up in the middle of the night with a stomach ache and you're shitting and you're cursing God and you're puking and you're shit and your assholes on fire. Now you've been shit for 45 minutes. Who's going to go back to sleep?

You're in shock. Your assholes been sitting there fucking in shock at 3 in the morning. You just sit on the couch watching fucking the news with your feet up in the air with a robot freezing and you're like I'll never go to Chipotle again a little fucking too late you just lost the day's work

you're sitting there like a mook you're fucking dehydrated because all the fluid came out of your asshole with that soap bowl the same company owns McDonald's they got a line around the corner but meanwhile you're self-conscious and you're fucking taking care of yourself go fuck yourself you dumb motherfucker

you want to take care of yourself go to honor dot com that's how you fucking take care of yourself. It's not a fucking supplement. It's an optimization program. It brings out the best in you. They start with the hemp force, protein. They start with the alpha brain. Those are their fucking catalyst. Alpha brain is what makes fucking alpha alpha. Alpha brain is what makes on it tick. You understand me? What's in it? What the fuck do I know? I look like a scientist to you? Do I got a white robe on? All I know is you have good dreams. It makes you focus more. You become more alert to your fucking surroundings. Blah, blah, blah. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Try it. If you don't like it, you get your money back, and you have to send the rest of the product back. One time you can pull that fucking scam. Don't think you can pull it back every other fucking week. You buy and you get your fucking money back. So loosen up, cocksuckers. Number two, they also have kettlebells and ropes and anything to make you a better human being all around.

Is it going to help you with your character? Are you going to stop shoplifting from fucking Walmart? No, you're still going to be a nasty piece of shit. But you'll be in bed. the best shape of your life. Your mind will be thinking fucking clearly, and that's what you want from yourself. Go to Onit.com right now.

Go to the box and press in. Church. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. Get 10% off your order. Plus, they put your mailing list, you get other discounts, other crazy stuff. Look into Onet. Onet.

Before you go to GNC, under these other companies, look into Onet. They got the best of the best in their products. I wouldn't fucking lie to you. I fucking swear by them. I live by him. I go to Jitia to 12.30. I pop two shroom checks at 11 o'clock. That's how I roll, motherfuckers.

I go on the alpha brain, 30 days on, 30 days off. When I'm riding, when I'm performing, I got a heavy tour schedule. I suggest the same to you. Go to On It, see what they got available to you. They also have to stay on the program, like Dollar Shave Club, where they mail it right to your fucking house month. You don't have to leave the house. Number two, if you guys didn't notice, or if you're living in a coma, or if you're fucking dead, I was in a fight companion last night. When I went up there, the first thing I did was going to the kitchen. And I started devouring the spicy pistachios. They have these new kernel corn something. Nature'sbox.com has the best snacks on the fucking market. Do you understand me?

Those habanero maple pretzels will fucking put you in a different dimension. Nature box, nutritionless approved. It's a snack. You don't have to get up no more and go to the fucking, uh, into the thing in your office put a dollar into the machine fuck that noise what you're going to do is go to naturesbox.com select what snacks you'd like to have open up a couple you know change it up four different than one thing get the cocoa covered almonds which I love get the chili lime pistachios or the pepper pistachio oh get the black and white granola

get the the habanero pretzels guys anything that they have is good for you for you, great ingredients, nutritionists to prove, you put them in your desk in there, you can eat them, you want to mix them up a little piece of fruit, they are delicious. If you order naturesbox.com through us,

the first time, the first time you get 50% off your order, so you might as well fuck them in the ass really fucking good this time and get a bunch of stuff. You get 50% off, and then after that, read whatever the fuck they do.

Anyway, go to naturesbox.com. Go see what type of snacks they got. I swear to God, I'm a fat fuck. These snacks do not disappoint. You understand me? They do not disappoint. Try those Habanero maple

fucking pretzel things. They are delicious. Go to Naturebox.com and press in... Joey. Joey, J-O-E-Y. Get 50% off, 50% off motherfuckers from your first daughter. You understand?

Number two, last weekend I had the pleasure last Thursday night of hanging out with the nailed-it-life guys, my man Peter and Dave. And I got to tell you something. They are the most pleasant guys in the world. I did a couple of dabs with them I told me

I got fucked up I went in I had a great show they gave me some of their Gumi bears I have some of their vapor pens at the house there's another one I use here and I gotta tell you something

it's the best paper pen in the market go to Nail theLife.com see what they got to offer you I know you're gonna love the vapor pen if you mention me you get 20% off your first order get the Nail this is the number one

wax fucking vape pen out there I ain't messing with. Wax and oil. Wax and oil. Wax and oil. I'm sorry. Thank you. Not the other one.

Wax and oil. So go to NeldaLype.com, see what they got to offer you. Get it sent right to your house and you get ready to smoke oil. Whatever the fuck you want to smoke. Bazooka juice. Stamink your powders, whatever the fuck you want to do.

Tell me something good. You want another piece of brownie? No, thank you. No, thank you. I like how it says that. No, thank you. Interesting podcast, like that just us, too. Talking about leaving.

in your home, dieting, whatever the fuck you want to talk about. A kick to the head. Whatever the fuck you want to talk about with you. I'm hired, too. I ain't know why. No, I wouldn't expect you to. Oh, my God. Drink on water.

I'm getting ready for tomorrow. I'm headed to Las Vegas. You know, Lee's been pushing it all week. Hey, get this guy. He's from Vegas. I'm not that big of a Vegas guy. I know I do really good shows there. I have a great time in Vegas.

Lee's coming. Steve Simone's opening for me. I know that I'm going. they eat well tomorrow. I heard that the South Point has a great seafood. Not a buffet, but a seafood restaurant. And I'm very excited. I'm going to be on MMA junkie tomorrow. I'm also going to be on some

fucking news channel at 11.30 in the morning. Then I'm going to hang out. I'm going to see my main man, Mario Arias. You know how long I know Mario Arias for? How long? Sixth grade. He's going to have some tremendous stories for you tomorrow. Oh, is he the basketball coach? No, he's a kid. That was just a kid.

He was in the sixth grade with when I used to get in front of the class and sing songs, and we all got playing hooky. He got caught in one division. He used to play hooky with two girls, him and another guy in two broads, and they were both fucking them in the sixth grade. They were both playing hooky at this girl's house, and they were both fucking two girls. They'd go home with a pair.

One would fuck him on one bed right in front of each other in the sixth grade. Nice neighborhood, huh? Jesus Christ. They don't fuck around in North Bergen, even though they're white trash, whatever the fuck they are. I know some people from North Bergen listen to this going, Joey, how can you call this white trash? I'm not saying it was all white trash, but there's a big, big fucking number, you guys are white trash. And that's just the way it is.

I ain't mad, no, but I'm not ashamed. If you guys see, I even have my North Bergen shirt on, I rep that motherfucker. It was just the mentality, the mentality of you already have a predetermined job by the time you're 18. It was the mentality by the time you were 35, you already have an idea what you're going to do. Those guys don't change. That's what my story was. I never wanted an income ceiling. I know that some years I was going to make $10,000,

but I also wanted the option to make $30 million if the situation ever arose. I never wanted to be at the same place at the same time every day of my life. That was a decision I fucking made. I could have got a job in an office. I would have probably been running an office today, whether it was a telemarketing office,

a sports betting office. It don't fucking matter. I would have still been fired. fucking running an office today. These are the things I could have done. I just wanted something different in my life. I wanted every day to be different. Sales is one way of doing that, you know,

but I still had to go to the same fucking spot every day, you know. So I'm very fortunate that I got to do what I love, you know. And I like come upon it, you just keep fucking swinging. You keep trying and you don't settle. You don't not settle. You know, Lee went to school for editing. Lee was up here for editing. Lee, you like it, and you could do it for a job. Do you think you'd be doing that 35? I don't see it.

I hope not. No, you would do it for money. Yeah. Not because you don't love it no more. No. You don't love it at all. You can't wait to get behind editing bay. I could.

It's kind of like what you were saying. I got really, I really didn't like the system that was going on, how they treated people. And then being somewhere for 70 or 80 hours a week, and you're only helping someone else. Like, you're not really helping yourself. I didn't feel like I was doing anything. Like, I wouldn't get any credit for a show if it was good or bad. So, like, why not try to make the money for myself? You know, it's amazing that I've been scared a lot,

but that was one of the times I was scared the most when I knew that I had to get a job. And I knew that you have to get a job, you know? And that's a lot of people. I get it. I get it. That's why no life isn't. You have to get a job.

You know, people always send me emails, oh, Joey, I really want to do comedy or I really want to join the band. But I get it, but you got to get a job. You can't just get in a band and hope your dream takes you that. You're going to have a window. You're going to have a three-year

that you've got to make a fucking living. So what are you going to do? Yeah, you might have a girlfriend that helps you out for now. That's not going to last. That girl's going to come home one day and wake up and go, this guy's a fucking loser. He's on my couch.

He works 10 hours a week. He's complaining. He dresses up like he's fucking. fucking Richie Zamora, but meanwhile, he's a fucking mook. You know, so you got to do something. So you've got to get a fucking job. It's not fair, but you've got to fucking work, right? I mean, I didn't like it either.

I did both. I was a criminal part-time, and then when I didn't want to be a criminal for a couple weeks, I'd get a fucking job for a few weeks. What are you laughing about, Lee? I'm not laughing. Look at the shape of you. Lee, how stone are you right now? I can see it in your eyes that you're out there.

Oh, yeah. You're mo-moed up. Oh, yeah. And they're not red. I'm not talking about that you're right. They're closed. No, they're not even closed. Oh.

You're just zoning out on me. You're like Jim Miller right now. You're just looking at. Oh, no. You're just looking out. Oh, that was terrible. I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. I hope it's not going to happen again on a Thursday.

We just, I never want to double up on podcast and shove this shit down your fucking throat. This is something for you to watch as an entertainment level. What do you think, Lee? Tell me something good, Cucks. You didn't talk today. Yes, I did. You didn't say much. You should appear like Henry Hill.

when you came over that old lady's house to eat with Joe Pesci's mother you don't say much, you don't eat much, you don't fucking do much you're sure I can't offer you another brownie? I feel like you're not eating enough. I feel like you didn't get enough. I cheated you.

I cheat you today anyway. No, I feel pretty good with the amount of brownie I had. You could. What are you going to do the rest of the day? Tell me about your day now. No, I've got to go home and... Do what?

Eat something and then pass out and then I'm gonna go work out and then I have Rick Ramos today at 430 How many times you work out this week? I work out every day. Every day, you don't give a fuck you don't take any days off nothing.

I took, we took Sunday off. Sunday? Yeah, we took good, we were going out to dinner but I'll probably take Sunday off this weekend too but, so probably six days a week. Look at you, you're a fucking your body's a freak. Look at you.

without warning. No, I feel good. All right. Well, read the fucking thing. I love you, cocksuckers. We'll be back Monday and next Wednesday. Same bat time. Same bat channel. Wednesday with an in-house studio. I love you, cocksuckers with all my heart. I want

to thank On It. I want to thank Dollar Shave Club. I want to thank naturesbox.com. I want to thank Hulu Plus. I want to thank Nailed their life. I want to think Escapoddank.com for helping us put this up together and to come to you guys. right. You believe this shit.

You believe this shit. This guy's fucked up. Oh yeah. Now that the show's over. Remember, go to Naturebox.com and order great tasting healthy snacks at 50% off. Snacks smarter in the new year

with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and bake sweet potato fries. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to Naturebox.com promo code Joey. That's Naturebox.com.

promo code Joey. And go to Onet. Get Alphabrand and all the other supplements. Use code word church to get 10% off. And go to NailDitLife.com for the premier very prepared on the market. Mention do OADES and get 20% off.