The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #198 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: September 21, 2022

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Fucking started It's Wednesday morning What's happen You bad motherfuckers It's Wednesday I think it's a 21st Who gives a Frenchman's fuck It's a beautiful

Motherfucking Day to be alive Thank you for Watching the last couple Podcasts and commenting It's always great When Lee comes on here It's always great to see him It's always great

to give medibles. It's always great to see him fucked up and looking at you. Like his little eyes now, he looks like one of those things. You ever go to Adams? You've watched the Adams family and you fucking walk past something

and there's a picture and all of a sudden the eyes move a little bit when the guy walks by. That's what Lee's eyes are like now. Like he's always like looking around. But it's always great to see him. You know, when I see Lee now, I mean, when the podcast ended,

I was just burnt out with everything. I was burnt out with L.A. I was burnt out with everything. And I didn't know when mine and Lee's relationship would end because I canceled the podcast too quickly and we just wanted to get out of there. You know, I didn't know if his feelings were hurt, or if my feelings were hurt.

I didn't know really what to expect. I was really looking at the future going, I don't know if we're ever going to be friends again. I hate not being friends with somebody. So it was just really weird. When the podcast ended, we didn't do much for like two months. He was in Milwaukee fucking detoxing. I was in the basement detoxing.

And little by little, we just started talking. And, you know, it was like him and I were good friends when we started everything. We were doing everything. But between the drugs and the fucking podcast and the stand-up, it just, you know, it went somewhere else. So when I see him now and he comes down, listen, I was really happy he came to do that show. because it put me at ease. Like it just reminded me of the Ice House on Saturday nights. 8 o'clock show, we're out of there at 10, no drama.

You go up there, we get high, you see some of your friends, you hire your friends to come, you pay them, and that's all. But he made it. I had no stress last week. I had no anxiety last week. My life has fucking changed. I don't know how I got rid of anxiety or talking through it or whatever, but it's gone.

You know, I was talking on my Patreon podcast, how I started this journey last September 22nd. So Thursday is a real year that I started thinking about my future. Like, what am I going to do? Am I going to sit in this basement? Am I going to feel like shit? Am I going to be confused? I didn't want this to fail.

I hate failing. Everybody hates to fail. Can you imagine if we were to move here, bought a home, and then my wife didn't like it, and my daughter didn't like it, but after everything was settled, I had to find myself again and my, you know, why I work best and how I work best. And it wasn't working constantly.

Listen, that ship sailed. I'm just trying to sustain, have a good time, and enjoy these years. I'm not fucking a spring chicken no more. You know what I'm saying? I stay out till 2 on a Tuesday night. It stays with me till fucking Friday, okay? Like my goal is to get home as soon as possible because I know if I'm out to a 3rd, whether it's just talking shit and smoking dope,

I'm going to feel that shit on fucking Friday. I'm not one of your young fucking chickens no more. But all in all, you know, I'm happy that we maintained our friendship. Friendships are the most important thing you have, man. You can't choose your family, but you could choose your fucking friends. And that's very big. And I tell people that you don't have to put up with shit with friends, you know. The better you are as a friend, the better people come to you.

they just, it's easier, you know. I went to Jiu-Jitsu this morning, and it's so weird how I'm horrible at it. I keep showing up, but the bonds I'm building there with different guys now. Like, when I came here, I thought it was going to be Northburg in 1982. That's not what I wanted at all.

That's not what I was looking for at all. I was not looking for that going down the show of my, I have a daughter. I don't want to get into all that. But I still got to fucking sustain. I still got to move forward. You know, I found what works for me. My goal now, because I get bored at night, you know, that's my biggest problem is fucking nighttime.

I lose my mind at night. But I've lately with the girls practice and the parents. And so I got a new goal now, starting fucking tomorrow. I'm supposed to do one set every week, like during the week just to get me out of the fucking house. And I got to go to Jiu-Jitsu at night when night. I fucking hate you. training at night. You know, that means you can't get high all day. That means you can't eat after four. For me, you know, some people could do what the fuck they want. But if I go to Jiu-Sys, I can't get

high because I won't be able to breathe. I can't breathe when I fucking don't get high. Can you imagine if I smoke 20 bong hits all day? So these are little things like for the next year. And this is what I tell you people. It all starts with little fucking steps, man. Because when you start with big steps, you're going to fall on your fucking face. And then you're going to be more depressed when you were. And that's what I was doing when I was younger. I would go for these big goals and these big things. And then when I wouldn't reach, I'd quit.

That's not, you're not getting nowhere. It's baby steps. Today I'm going to do this. Today I'm going to walk a mile. But you have a plan. A plan is sometimes in life the most important fucking thing. I've always been a good planner. Don't ask me why.

I'm horrible than everything else. But I could sit down and say, how do I attain this? And I could go step by step and I'll scratch and put that step to number three and number five. You know, you have ten things

to make your life better. You know, so I just wanted to start with that. It's always great to see Lee and it just reminds me about the gift of friendship that we overlook so much in our lives. Like I said to you, you know, friends destroyed us.

Friends put this fake fucking view in our lives that we got to hang out with eight fucking people or they're you hanging out with eight people it sucks dick there's always two of them that are fucking retarded and you got to cover the fucking slack listen man that's not what it's about three four people you exchange thoughts with them you you tell them your feelings whatever they tell you from time to time i mean i can't tell them that you know i don't get hard on you know you know what i'm saying like you just you're just talking to people and it's and that's what it's all about just keeping it simple be i have three guys that i grew up with

I don't see him a lot, but I talk to them. I wrapped them every two days. I could see that, you know, they're my friends. I don't need to see them. I just need to connect with them. Speaking of connections, I fucking sit here all the time. Anyway, when I go for drives, and I always go, at the end of the fucking thought,

I go, I cannot believe that more people haven't reached out to me from my past. Like, I really can't believe, like, except for maybe two or three people from Colorado, like Boulder and I don't even have a lot of people left in Boulder you know I always figured that people would hit me up from the Aspen days like hey I remember

you holy shit you know you were funny back then when nobody's ever fucking hit me when I went to prison when I got out I'm like all these I'm gonna have all these prison buddies reach out to me including the guy that threatened my life that said for me to fucking if I didn't get to stand up he was going to

fucking kill me I thought he would pop out and look for his 10 points, you could point me in the right direction. Nobody ever popped out at me except one guy that I had on early on at the church. His name was Alejandro Rea, R-E-A, Mexican dude, bad motherfucker. He was part of a cartel before the cartel ever fucking knew they were a cartel. And he was living in Bolden, we were, you know, great friends in the halfway house. We had some great laughs. And then we both got out and I lost contact with him.

And this motherfucker hit me up. You know, like 19, 2013, maybe 14, I was blown away. And he said he was proud of me. We talked. There's another guy from the halfway house that I talked to from time to time on Facebook, but I've never seen him. But the other day, Monday, somebody reached out to me that, guys, I have not seen this motherfucker from the eighth grade. Eighth grade.

Eighth grade, I have not seen this motherfucker. I kind of forgot him. I told some stories about him on the fucking church and it was just the fucking weirdest thing. He hit me up. I just looked at an old Facebook, you know, you find messages,

Messenger or whatever. And I opened up the messenger and it says, like the thing on the top of the messenger, dog, I never even go to Messenger. I must have clicked on the wrong thing and that page came up. And I looked at a bunch of people,

Joey, how you doing, whatever. But there was this one message and he goes, I don't know if you remember me But when I looked at the finger I said his name was Raul And I go Raul I grew up in a couple Raoul

Raoul's a very big Cuban name You know Raul So I clicked on to it And it's like I don't know if you remember me I moved to North Bergen In the fucking In 1977 And you lived across the street from me

He goes I heard on the podcast That you stole my stereo I never thought it was you Oh my God I fucking froze Monday morning. I'm like, what the fuck? So let me tell you how this thing fucking went down. He lives in the Bronx.

His nephew went to see me Sunday, Saturday night in New York City. His nephew comes home on Saturday. He's at his mother's his sister's house, who I also know, Raul's sister. And the nephew goes, oh, we went to see this guy. And Raoul's like, who's this? And they started talking. He's a Cuban guy from North Bergen.

And Raul goes, wait a second. I used to live in North Bergen. Let's check him out. And the guy goes, as soon as he put the video on that he looked at me for like a minute, and all of a sudden just came back to him, and he had to reach out to me. Since we're not friends and me and his son, his nephew and our friends or whatever, he reached out to me on Messenger. But what a coincidence that I never ever go on Messenger.

And the day I click on Messenger by mistake, because it was like a thing on Facebook. You know what I'm doing the things in the morning? You have to click and post and link and whatever the fuck. I clicked the wrong fucking thing and all of a sudden went to Messenger and I opened up the email and he had his number on there

I read it and I I must look at the email like fucking five times you know I'm like I can't believe this guy I didn't know what he knew I stole his stereo so I didn't know what I should call him back and he left me the number but guys I called him back

and it was like fucking I hadn't seen him in an hour we went right back to know Bergen, he asked me about Louis Hernandez. He asked me if I see, you know, because he played basketball, Raoul. So he was a basketball player. We must have talked for an hour on the phone. And he told me some shit I didn't know.

We talked about Puerto Rican Nelson. He reminded me that he threw a snowball one time in Puerto Rican Nelson because he thought that Puerto Rican Nelson had gotten a little out of line with him, you know. So it was good to talk to him about that. He confirmed what I thought about. Puerto Rican Nelson was like a half a pedophile. You know what I'm saying? Like he wasn't a full-time pedophile.

Like he was like just a creepy dude, but he didn't really impose his will on us as much as you would think from a pedophile, you know? So, but Raul was saying that one day he said something to him, you know, if you don't eat broccoli, you won't have a big cock or something. He goes,

I don't know what he fucking said to me, but I whipped him with a fucking snowball and just ran away from him. Raul was a kid to remind everybody. When we were in the seventh grade summer, like the summer of seventh grade, we're outside playing like stick ball or whatever the fuck we're playing. And also a moving truck comes in. Right. And they're unloading shit.

And the family is all out there. And they're looking at this house. And, you know, and we watched them unload that first batch of shit, you know, like they had like a little truck. It was like a little U-Haul. I don't even know if it was a U-Haul or whatever. They unloaded that one. And then when they got ready to go, me and my friends, who were little fucking jackals, looked at each other and were like, let's go through the back window and see what they got in there.

So we're like, let's go. You know, and at this time, my mother was alive. I had no reason to break into a house. I had no reason to steal, but it was there. And my friends were there, and they're like, let's do it. And I'm like, okay, let's fucking do it. And at that time, it was a joke. We were not be any guys.

We were not heavy guys. You know, we were robbed some motorcycles once in a while from fuck. Seacoccus from the trains but we weren't heavy guys so we went through the back window and uh we went in the house and one of the guys stole like a picture i saw he had a tremendous fisher stereo now guys in 1979 if you had a fucking fisher stereo you were the king of fucking swing you understand me and this one they had like all components at one which i'd never do again the eight track the cassette and the fucking album and so i saw the fisher stereo and i go you know know what, I'm taking this motherfucker.

I didn't know that they had a fucking 12 year old son that was my age. So I took the stereo, I fucking took it to my room. We robbed a couple things. A stereo, a lamp, a bike, you know. Just stupid shit that kids do. Please, for you

people are watching this, the woke liberals, do not hold it against me. I know that you're like, you rob somebody in 1978? Yeah, it was 1978. 44 years ago. Get over it, cuck, nobody even talks about it anymore. You can't even press charges, so don't judge.

Who gives a fuck? So we took the fucking stereo and a couple other things, and about a week later, you know, we start school, and the kid's fucking great. His name was Raul, Puerto Rican kid. He smoked dope like us. He played hoops. So we became friends.

You know, I like the kid. And all of some, one day, I'm like, let's go back to my house and watch movies or whatever the fuck we're going to do. And also, when I walk in my house, I go, fuck, I can't fucking ass. This kid to listen to music because he's going to see that I stole the stereo. This kid lived right across the street from me, not three houses down, not eight houses down, right across. You know, when you come out of your front door in that house, right across the fucking street from me.

So I'd have to see him every day. I didn't even think about that shit. So when he's like, well, we're going to listen to music? I'm like, nah, nah, nah, no, no. My stereo's kind of fucked up. Let's go to the basement. The basement I had like punching bags and karate shit. So the whole time

I think he lived in North Bergen maybe till the end of the eighth grade And The whole time He came to my house every day I couldn't take him to my bedroom Because his fucking stereo Was in my goddamn bedroom

I couldn't even walk up the block With an album Because he would ask me Let's look at it and let's listen to it So I had a call on Charles Court Jump the fence Go through my backyard Leave the album in the back door

And then walk up my block Go through the garage Say hello to him closed the garage and bring the album to the backyard so he wouldn't see me fucking bring albums home. It was horrible. It was a horrible thing I did. And trust me, at the time, if I could say to him, Raoul, take the stereo, I would.

I just didn't have the balls, you know, I didn't have the balls. But what happened with Raoul was, Raoul's father borrowed money from my stepfather, and my stepfather was a loan shark, and my stepfather was vegan. And he couldn't pay the vegan. When they did he just split in the middle of the night and shit? and my stepfather was pissed but I'm like, hey, I got the stereo. You got beat, but I got something, you know what I'm saying?

But he was telling me about my stepfather. He said that he still remembered my mother. In fact, he asked me how my mother was. And I was like, she died in 19, fucking 79. He's like, wow. And he started talking about my mother. He would come over and eat. Can you mind how do you have a kid over your house and eat

and you can't take him to your bedroom because you stole his fucking stereo. I mean, what the fuck did I get myself into, you know? He's a plumber. He owns his own plumbing company. We're going to hook up next time I'm in the city. He's going to come to the show, and we're going to chit-chat a little more. I apologized about the stereo.

You know, he didn't really know about the stereo. I told him. And it's fucking crazy how fast. 44 fucking years, and the kids still remember me. And truthfully, I remembered him still. It's not like I fucking blacked him out. But it's great talking with people from the past sometimes. He was just reminding me, I like the stupid shit we did.

He reminded him when he stole the van with all the fucking t-shirts in him and the shirt press and we took it to the city. Guys, we were, you know, I take my daughter to get baseball cards at this place. Like once every two weeks we go in there. We buy five packs. I look around, but it's really a comic book place. And it's fucking cool. shit.

And Raul lived on our block when all of us used to rob a comic book guy. His name was Anthony something. Me, Raul, Ray Canella, I mean, Reagan's been on the church a couple times. He used to work for the sci-fi network.

We used to fuck Dean LaPreet, another good friend of mine. We used to smoke. No, we didn't smoke dope then. We had a band. I was in a band. You played bass, right? I played bass. No, I fucking sang. I sang. I sang. my buddy John played the bass

Doug Jimenez played the guitar and Frank Conella played the drums but then my voice started cracking so I didn't sound like Michael Jackson anymore so my singing days were fucking over but we fucking you know we just

he reminded me of so many fucking things we talked about a van one night we were playing basketball and we walked back home and we all of us would always like, you know, we drink water out of a fucking hose and shit. And there was a hose right on Liberty Avenue and we used to just grab the guy's fucking hose.

And while we're drinking the hose, we're looking at this van. And we notice that the van don't fucking belong there. We've never seen this van before. So at night, every night after basketball, there was one of those police phones, 911 phones, close to the school. How we started tonight every night

was ripping the phone out of the box, just ripping it and leaving the box open. and cops would be everywhere. They would even set us up, and we'd still get away from them. It was tremendous. After we'd rob the box from that, then we'd go on, and, you know, we'd light Lucy's fucking, you know, Lucy Snorbush had goldfish in front of a house in a bowl, and we put light of fluid on it and light it on fire.

Come on, guys, come on. I thought you knew about this shit. You know, this is what you do when you're young in North Bergen. We're fucking crazy kids. So one night we're just standing, and there's this van, and we look in the van, and we're like, wow, they got boxes, It's a T-shirts. And guys don't remember this.

You guys are too young to remember this. In the 70s, you'd go into a store, and there would be designs on the wall. Like Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd. Yeah, like stupid shit. Follow me. I'm with stupid, all that stuff. And they would put the shirt down,

and they'd have like an iron like this. And they'd thing to thing, you press the button. After two minutes, you picked it up, and your shirt had a stick around it. We looked in the van, and the fucking guy had one of those presses in. We took the, bro. One of the guys,

We were fucking, we're like, should we just bust into the van and take it out? And we're like, no, no, no, no. So my friend said, I could drive. So we drove the fucking, he got in the car. I was petrified. I've never jumped in a stolen car. Stolen cars aren't my thing.

You got nowhere to go. When the cops pull you over, I'm in the car. Can't talk yourself out of it. You know what I'm saying? You're in the car. So where the fuck are you going? So we, uh, he drives the fucking thing. around there was a girl lona merton's and she lived in his apartment building and they had like

the parking garages back there we pulled the van in there and we fucking started taking everything boxes of t-shirts presses all the designs Mickey mouse spider-man he had like the fantastic four we were comic book nerds so we're like oh shit and this is way before comic con they had these little conventions in the city you know comic book things and they would sell those shirts and i'll never forget, we took a fucking bus with boxes of shirts. Each of us had a box on the bus. The bus driver was like, what the

fuck? Where are you going? They finally, the bus drive finally said, get off the bus, put it on the side. It was six of us with big boxes and we brought a press. We brought the fucking press to the city. Our plan was to go into the convention and fucking sell

t-shirts. We didn't give a fuck. We didn't know about boots. We didn't know about boot fees. We knew nothing. We just thought you showed up like the Englishtown fucking flea market and you sold shit. We go upstairs and they're like, nah, you can't fucking do this. We don't give a fuck. We just want to sell these. We'll sell them cheap.

The guy finally goes, fuck it. I'll buy the shirts from you. We sold all the shirts. We sold the press. We sold the stickers to the guy. We started a fucking, the guy started a business right there on a Saturday morning. We took our money. We got back on that fucking bus.

Went to North Bergen, bought albums, you know, Chinese food fucking at darts that, you know, what kids fuck, what stupid fucking kids throw out. But we used to, in those days, we would get home at 3 o'clock. About 3.10, I'd make a fucking grilled cheese sandwich or something. And I'd run over to fucking Ray Canella's house. Dean LaPriebitt would come over, Raoul would come over, and it'd be like six of us.

And there was this guy on 43rd Street. His name was Anthony something. Sweetheart of a guy. I lived with his parents, half a Momo. But what are you going to do? We all can't be fucking brain surgeons. In his front porch, he had a comic book store. So think about my front porch, sealing it off,

and he had a comic bookstore in that. So before you walk in the house, you had to walk through a comic book store. Anthony DePalmer, Anthony, Rosetti, something like that. We would go up there every fucking day and bust his ball. How much for Superman one? How much for Superman two? How much for Superman three?

Can you give it to me for $15? and the whole time we're busting his balls two of us are stealing comic books from him like fucking we're walking out of there with comic books heavy we stole the whole fantastic four from him the whole fucking I love the fantastic four then because they had Silver Surfer

in fact I'm thinking of fucking collecting silver surfers again Silver Surfer I love all that shit I love that shit as a kid I never had Superman but I was a fantastic four guy silver surfer guy and I was somebody else I never know about the Black Panther

and all these comic heroes that they're coming up with fucking know they're so fucking many now I know the rock is black Angus I don't even know what the fuck I don't even know what the fuck he's doing he's Hawaiian he wants to be Black Angus now who the fuck knows anymore

but man it was just it was just really good talking to him and you know guys I had a great childhood before my parents died before my mother died guys you know it was like I had a couple bumps when I first moved to Jersey

I got beat up and all that but then after a while I was just I was moving and that's what we spoke about he was like you know when I left you were really like you know we were fucking we were playing basketball we were

we went to karate together we were just a bunch of kids that had fun you know I look at my daughter and I look at these kids today. And down here we can never do this because the houses are too separated. There's really no streets to walk around on. There's really not much for the kids, you know. But guys, like my daughter comes home now at 3 o'clock and, you know, she gets in like 3.15.

And I got to be strictly honest with you. We do nothing. These kids do nothing. I got to, every day I got to fucking tell her, mercy, go knock on, you know, Frank's door. go knock on, you know, the Russians door, go knock on the kid across the street's door, you know, and everybody has different events. But it's not like, you know,

on the block over where Jimmy Florentine lives. Yeah, they got Jimmy over, they got a little Luke over there, and they got a couple kids over there. And there's like three of them that come out every day. But they really got like 10 kids on that block. And sometimes six of them come out. And when the Hindus come out,

you got 10 fucking kids out there running. It's tremendous, you know. But these kids today don't, don't do it. And I told my wife, I go, we got to figure something out. I don't want to put an after-school program. That shit sucks, you know? I wanted to run these streets here. I wanted to fucking, you know, walk around a little bit. But like I said, there's nowhere to fucking go. And that's why I always, if it wasn't for these felonies guys, because listen, you can't, I contacted an attorney. For years, all these

motherfuckers were like, oh, Joey, you can get rid of all those felonies until I fucking contact on an appointment, a fucking attorney, and went in for a consultation. It cost me $500 for him to tell me that everybody has to be in place for your felonies to get aligned. What that means is the DA has to fucking go for it, the attorney, the victims, the whole fucking thing. But, you know, I know Vela, well, he won't have any objections on me of raising the felon. But the DA, that fucking DA that prosecuted me, he left right after he prosecuted me.

He fucking went to the feds to prosecute environmental fucking people. They don't even get to remember this fucking case. Like, they're not going to remember all the, they'll read it and they'll come back to them. But they're not going to remember all this shit, like what happened exactly. So I really wanted to get my things expunge for one reason, just so I could work with kids. I could fucking, you know, coach a little league team or coach a fucking bitty basketball team. I don't want to, I know, I know I'm a felon, but I didn't have a drug. felony. I didn't have a sex felony or a kid felony or an assault. It was basically a

fucking second degree burglary felony. If they look at the initial charges, yeah, they might go, but it wasn't as easy. And they want to like, fucking, the attorney told me, it was like 50 grand. I don't have fucking 50 grand to expunge my fucking, my past. Who gives a fuck? If you want to look at it, look at it. If you're not judging me, but it doesn't matter. I thought that I could fucking expunge this shit, but. So that's my fucking situation And I gotta fucking live with it But it's always great

When somebody from that capacity It fucked at me for two days I couldn't wait to do this podcast Because there was nobody really I could tell About how I felt after I got off the phone with him It was like A breath of fresh air hit my lungs

It was a different perspective You know He was talking about my mother And he goes my mother was very kind to him That my mother even if I wasn't home She'd offer him food he goes, how much food do you guys have in your house? Because your mom would always offer me fucking food constantly, like steaks.

And my friends love my mom because in my house there was no tuna sandwich, Jack. There was no fish and sticks. There was no fucking macaroni and cheese. My mother wouldn't go for that shit at all. In my house, if you came in there to eat, it was a steak, a balomia, not a teabone. Those skinny ones that they bang with the fuck. fucking hammer and it looks like a fucking side of a cow. My mother would make you one of those with black beans, rice, onions, and some fried bananas.

I still remember us fucking sleeping over. Fernie, me, a villa, a bunch of a sleeping over and getting up. And my mom made fucking that disgusting Cuban dish I told you about where, where I waso? That's when you get white rice, a fucking steak, and you crack two eggs over it, and you crack the yolk. So the eggs go over the steak and the rice dish. Disgusting, but fucking effective. If you're looking for a hard on, let me tell you something. If you're not using blue chew, it's that shit right there, Jack.

Your dick will get fucking hard. Two eggs, the yolk over a piece of fucking meat, that stimulates fucking shit right there in the fucking nuts act. And then that rice and that fucking malocia fucking yolk juice, shit. I still remember them fucking making noises while they ate. Like I still remember, like, me being in back. Because I was always embarrassed when non-white kids ate at my house because my mom wouldn't give them white food But then after three minutes the kids would go fuck that shit

I'm coming over here all the time I'm sick of macaroni and cheese I'm sick eating potatoes your mom never cooks potatoes fuck no it's fucking steak and they would come over She would buy the fucking we would go to a meatpack in district Once a week and my mom would buy boxes of T-bone steaks the fucking thick ones nice medium side with two eggs in the morning god damn too bad now i can't do that much fucking meat you know he also told me that he liked my stepfather even though my stepfather was a prick i think about my stepfather fucking all the time but i also think about my stepfather in a weird way because it depends on the day with me whether i love my stepfather or i don't i love my

stepfather because I learned something big from him. You know, his main thing was No Omar Mia. That was his fucking main words all the time and that means don't be a shit eater.

And what that means in Cuban it's not that you eat shit. He always wanted me to be on top of my game. Those old revolutionary Cubans like I didn't understand one when he was in my life. I started understanding one

when he was out of my life and I was a fuck up. And for me, get back. I had to use some of the things. One was one was one of those guys like, you know what, I didn't eat dinner tonight. Fuck you. You should have been here at six.

That's it. There's no dinner. Like, go fuck yourself. And you feel bad about it, but you're like, you know what? That's life. That's fucking life sometimes. Dinner's at six. You didn't come at six. You came at seven. I cleaned up the kitchen. Go fuck yourself now. I ain't giving you money to eat. One was one of those dudes that made. your work a little harder, but he was always right.

I was too young at the time to appreciate it because, you know, you want to be a fucking gangster, you want to be a kid, that dude was always right. You know those guys that are always right and you get fucking pissed off? They always fucking prove you right. And you're like, God damn it, motherfucker. He was one of those guys. So as I got older, like as I got into my 40s, when I got off the drugs and shit, I started feeling his presence more in my life.

And he didn't have that much of a presence. in my life, but some of the shit his way of looking at things is it's life. There was no second chances. You know, you were supposed

to be that nine and you weren't there and they fucking didn't hire you. Go fuck yourself. Your excuse is not going to work. Your excuse is fucking worthless to me. He didn't like excuses and it's the truth. You ever tell something to somebody and they hit you with a

fucking half-ass excuse and you're like, what the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Just say that I fucked up. That's it, move on. I won't be fucking pissed. I don't give a fuck it. We all fuck up.

But it was great. Just like thinking about my stepfather and how much I hate him growing up. But how much today I see a little bit of me in him. Like that's, you know, I get up early every morning. I do things. He was a type of dude that this guy had money and he would fucking confuse people. He always had an old car and he always wore jeans and fucking jean jackets. He wore the same.

same clothes every day to fuck with you. He outsmarted people. He always played like a dopey guy. You know, like when I see the old videos of Vinny the Chin Gigante, like people like, yeah, he always played like he was fucking crazy and shit. All those old criminals did that shit. They always had a problem. They're hearing, you know, they always got a fucking an excuse.

I miss one today. I think about him. He died in 2006 and he didn't give him my mother's money and I was always angry at him. But at the end, I didn't need my mother's money. He kept it and listened to this, how bad his life was. When he died, he had a box full of cash, maybe $2 million that he couldn't put in the bank or anything because he was a bookmaker. When he died, he gave that money to his wife at the time. Within a month, she got fucking a cancer fucking notice.

And she died within six months. She gave the money to her brother. Guess what happened to him? He died a year later. So the money ended up going back to my stepfather's daughter in Tampa. And God knows what she's doing with that fucking money. That money was bad luck, Jack. And for years, I wanted that money.

And at the end, I'm happy I didn't even have it go through my fucking house. Because God knows how bad that fucking money was. But that's it. And that's that, guys. That's what I wanted to talk about. A friend of yours is calling you from the past and just opening up your brain. like I was, listen, it took me, and especially how it went down. It went down from his nephew going to the show Saturday night.

And then him going home and he's, he goes, I talk to my nephew all the time. I didn't even know he was into fucking comedy. I didn't even know when he became into comedy or whatever. That's what he asked me. I told him I had done some time. You know, he never got arrested. He says, he got caught up on the cocaine bug a little bit,

but that he went to a rehab, and somebody he was doing coke would die, and he stopped doing coke. We're both 59. We're both going to be 60 next year. So I talked to him, and I said I'd like him to come over one day, maybe do sit down on the podcast one day.

Listen to Bronx. He lives in the Bronx. So he says he wants to come over and do the podcast and explain to you guys a little bit, you know, his year and, North Bergen. Like he had, you know, he talked to me about Carmine Balzano. He goes, I was there the day fucking Carmine beat up the teacher. And he goes, I was there the day. We were talking about when he beat up this dude, Mr. Clemens. Oh my God. We were fucking dying on the phone.

The Clemens family was a great little family. I lived two houses next to me. So next to me was Kathy Ortiz. They were Jehovah Witnesses. And then the bike thief lived upstairs, Valentin Farrow. and then next to him were the Clemenses. The Clemenses were a tremendous family. Great family. The only problem was they all had fleas. They all had, what's that shit in your hair? Lice.

Lice. So they all had to get crew cuts, but it didn't, that's it. Once you have lice in North Bergen, you have lice forever. They will torture you. You might as well keep the lice. Because like I always said, Nancy was a beautiful girl, but nobody ever thought I eaten a pussy because you had lice. Trust what I'm telling you this shit.

So one day fucking We're outside Doing whatever the fuck we did You know in the summers In North Bergen Then everybody would go out to the front of the house It was the Clemens The fucking the Latino

That fucking racist Italian guy Across from the Clemens The altis didn't go out They were Jehovah Witnesses They don't mingle with nobody It was us My mother wouldn't go out of the house But like Tristano

Would go out And there was a lady up the corner And she was an Italian lady who we would send the pornos to when we were kids she would go out there sweep the front and I don't know what the fuck was going on this is a great fucking we're out there just playing

and all of a sudden there was an argument I don't know over like stupid shit there's two kids then the father came out he goes what's this fucking yelling and screaming about and he goes listen man that's my fucking toy I don't know well I don't know the next thing I hear

is like a fucking push and a kid goes down and Mr. Clemens is standing over him and I look to see who's on the floor and it's the last guy I want to see it on the floor it's Anthony Bousanamo. I'm like god damn it so I run over Mr. Clemens what the fuck and he goes fuck this little guy and fuck his father I'm sick and tired and I'm fucking bothering people and thinking they can bully people I go he's not bullying your son in fact your son is older than he is I think that's his ball or whatever at war I don't know but Anthony fucking didn't like it and he went to Latino's house and called his father.

And I didn't see him call the father. I just, I was too busy talking to Mr. Clemens and what had happened. And all of a sudden, guys, I see Anthony come back and he whispers in my ear, keep talking to him. I'm like, I'm like, I don't know what he meant by that.

And next thing, you know, I see a solo cop car come up the block. No lights, no fucking it was a detective, and it was Carmine. And he gets out of car. And right away, I knew what time it was. but he had already thrown out two beatings in the last two years. I didn't think he was going to beat up Mr. fucking Clemens.

I think we ended up calling him because they used to say clemito, right? They used to, the Spanish kids called him Clemito. Now, at that time in North Perrigan, there was maybe 10 Spanish kids. But the white kids liked the way they said, Bioho. They would always go, how do you say license Spanish? So the Spanish kids taught the white kids how to say lice in Spanish, which is Piojo, right?

So we would say Clemente Tiena Pioho. All the white kids would say that in Spanish to him, and he would lose his fucking mind. So I don't know what the fuck happened. People are saying, Clemente de Nipioo.

Carmine comes up to Mr. Clemens. I don't think he liked Mr. Clemens at all. Mr. Clemens was a nice guy, but he was the leader of that crew cut. You know that crew cut that comes out straight with the fucking, it looks like an handle on your fucking head. He had one of those fucking things.

So fucking One thing leads to another And within two minutes Carmine smacks this motherfucker With the walkie-talkie Batteries all over the floor He goes down He's got to cut over his eye

He's bleeding He goes down The guy goes down and holds his face Carmine takes his hands And puts the handcuffs on And proceeds Just to start smacking him Right, Bob

After the third punch The guy was out. Blood was everywhere. Kids are going crazy. Head him. Head him. He's got fleas. It was not good, right?

Hit him, punch him. The kids were outside crying. The mother was holding the one girl. They had like seven kids. Carmine's punching him and shit. And the guy's yelling, police brutality, police brutality. Call the cops. Listen, at that point, everybody who was up, got up and started sweeping their front balcony.

I still remember when Carmine got up, he took the handcuffs off the fuck. guy and Mr. Clemens kept saying you all saw that and nobody called the police what are you what kind of citizens are you and nobody said raised a fucking boo everybody just kept sweeping we don't know dick we don't know nothing we don't know nothing we don't know nothing everybody kept sweeping sweeping sweeping sweeping he got up and he fucking we were kind of like laughing but after I saw the kids I kind of felt a little bad but I still loved that Klemma and beat him up when you're fucking 12 anybody gets beat up you're fucking it's a good day neighborhood. So fucking

he pushed Anthony over. He pushed Anthony over, but Anthony kind of went after him. You know, Anthony always knew his father would show up. So if I know my father's going to show up and there's no, I'm going to pick a fight with you two every fucking day. But we all saw that and Raoul was like,

I go, did you ever go to Carmine's eyes? He goes, no. He goes, now after I saw him throw the beating on Mr. Totoro, because in the 8th grade he threw a beating on a fucking gym teacher too at the school. So he was like, I never went over. A lot of kids weren't a lot over his house. Me, I love going over that.

I got through that. They were the first house I ever went to that they had a slicer. A fucking co-cut slicer. And they would put ham on the fucking slicer and you could cut the fucking ham and they would make white rice and they would heat up cream of turkey

soup, a cream of chicken soup, and you would take the fucking ham, put it on the rice and then pour the cream of turkey soup. It's white trash food. But guess what? When you're 12, you eat that shit right the fuck up. You get me? Anyway, without further ado, that's it and that's that.

It was a simple podcast today. I didn't want to get in too deep. Next week, we got our guests coming back. I had three guests in a row. I know you guys like the solo ones, but on this particular Wednesday, I ain't got dick to say. You follow me? I went to the doctor yesterday. I did a biopsy on my fucking chin. I'll get the results. They're going to have to

slice it. So in the next couple weeks, we might have to fucking not do a podcast. because they want to stitch it. Yeah, this is not good, guys. This is not good. This is a fucking ingrown hair that is probably like three inches long in there. It's one of those white hairs.

Dude, I get them all the time. They suck. They fucking suck. I manscape them. I put everything. You know, I manscape the nutsack and you go up, double up on the fucking bead. But anyway, I love you motherfuckers with all my heart.

Football has been great this year, guys. I've made money the first two weekends and I'm no fucking swami from salami. When I say I made money, if I made $50 both weekends, I had the Jets and the Giants last weekend, had Buffalo on Monday night. I didn't bet the Minnesota Viking game. I didn't know.

I did have fucking Green Bay on Sunday. The only loser I had was fucking Indianapolis. They lost by fucking 30, those cock-knuckers. But man, draft kings has been great. Thank God they're a sponsor this week. That's it, guys. Have a great week. Have some fun.

And we'll be back Monday. Tip Top McGoo Ready for you motherfuckers All right I want to thank you guys For listening this week I'm sorry about today It was one of those weird podcasts

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Coxuckers next Monday, tip top Magoo. Stay black.