#198 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ
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04:35Fucking startedIt's Wednesday morningWhat's happenYou bad motherfuckersIt's WednesdayI think it's a 21stWho gives a Frenchman's fuckIt's a beautiful
05:46Motherfucking Day to be aliveThank you forWatching the last couplePodcasts and commentingIt's always greatWhen Lee comes on hereIt's always great to see himIt's always great
05:58to give medibles.It's always great to see him fucked upand looking at you.Like his little eyes now,he looks like one of those things.You ever go to Adams?You've watched the Adams familyand you fucking walk past something
06:10and there's a pictureand all of a sudden the eyes move a little bitwhen the guy walks by.That's what Lee's eyes are like now.Like he's always like looking around.But it's always great to see him.You know, when I see Lee now,I mean, when the podcast ended,
06:26I was just burnt out with everything.I was burnt out with L.A.I was burnt out with everything.And I didn't know when mine and Lee's relationship would endbecause I canceled the podcast too quicklyand we just wanted to get out of there.You know, I didn't know if his feelings were hurt,or if my feelings were hurt.
06:44I didn't know really what to expect.I was really looking at the future going,I don't know if we're ever going to be friends again.I hate not being friends with somebody.So it was just really weird.When the podcast ended, we didn't do much for like two months.He was in Milwaukee fucking detoxing.I was in the basement detoxing.
07:06And little by little, we just started talking.And, you know, it was like him and I were good friends when we started everything.We were doing everything.But between the drugs and the fucking podcast and the stand-up, it just, you know, it went somewhere else.So when I see him now and he comes down, listen, I was really happy he came to do that show.because it put me at ease.Like it just reminded me of the Ice House on Saturday nights.8 o'clock show, we're out of there at 10, no drama.
07:37You go up there, we get high, you see some of your friends,you hire your friends to come, you pay them, and that's all.But he made it.I had no stress last week.I had no anxiety last week.My life has fucking changed.I don't know how I got rid of anxiety or talking through it or whatever,but it's gone.
07:57You know, I was talking on my Patreon podcast,how I started this journey last September 22nd.So Thursday is a real year that I started thinking about my future.Like, what am I going to do?Am I going to sit in this basement?Am I going to feel like shit?Am I going to be confused?I didn't want this to fail.
08:18I hate failing.Everybody hates to fail.Can you imagine if we were to move here,bought a home,and then my wife didn't like it,and my daughter didn't like it,but after everything was settled, I had to find myself again and my, you know, why I work best and how I work best.And it wasn't working constantly.
08:37Listen, that ship sailed.I'm just trying to sustain, have a good time, and enjoy these years.I'm not fucking a spring chicken no more.You know what I'm saying?I stay out till 2 on a Tuesday night.It stays with me till fucking Friday, okay?Like my goal is to get home as soon as possible because I know if I'm out to a 3rd,whether it's just talking shit and smoking dope,
08:58I'm going to feel that shit on fucking Friday.I'm not one of your young fucking chickens no more.But all in all, you know, I'm happy that we maintained our friendship.Friendships are the most important thing you have, man.You can't choose your family, but you could choose your fucking friends.And that's very big.And I tell people that you don't have to put up with shit with friends, you know.The better you are as a friend, the better people come to you.
09:25they just, it's easier, you know.I went to Jiu-Jitsu this morning,and it's so weird how I'm horrible at it.I keep showing up,but the bonds I'm building there with different guys now.Like, when I came here,I thought it was going to be Northburg in 1982.That's not what I wanted at all.
09:47That's not what I was looking for at all.I was not looking for that going down the show of my,I have a daughter.I don't want to get into all that.But I still got to fucking sustain.I still got to move forward.You know, I found what works for me.My goal now, because I get bored at night, you know, that's my biggest problem is fucking nighttime.
10:05I lose my mind at night.But I've lately with the girls practice and the parents.And so I got a new goal now, starting fucking tomorrow.I'm supposed to do one set every week, like during the week just to get me out of the fucking house.And I got to go to Jiu-Jitsu at night when night.I fucking hate you.training at night. You know, that means you can't get high all day. That means you can't eat after four.For me, you know, some people could do what the fuck they want. But if I go to Jiu-Sys, I can't get
10:33high because I won't be able to breathe. I can't breathe when I fucking don't get high. Can youimagine if I smoke 20 bong hits all day? So these are little things like for the next year.And this is what I tell you people. It all starts with little fucking steps, man.Because when you start with big steps, you're going to fall on your fucking face. And then you'regoing to be more depressed when you were.And that's what I was doing when I was younger.I would go for these big goals and these big things.And then when I wouldn't reach, I'd quit.
11:01That's not, you're not getting nowhere.It's baby steps.Today I'm going to do this.Today I'm going to walk a mile.But you have a plan.A plan is sometimes in life the most important fucking thing.I've always been a good planner.Don't ask me why.
11:17I'm horrible than everything else.But I could sit down and say,how do I attain this?And I could go step by stepand I'll scratchand put that step to number threeand number five.You know, you have ten things
11:30to make your life better.You know, so I just wanted to start with that.It's always great to see Leeand it just reminds me aboutthe gift of friendshipthat we overlook so much in our lives.Like I said to you,you know, friends destroyed us.
11:46Friends put this fake fucking viewin our lives that we got to hang outwith eight fucking people or they're you hanging out with eight people it sucks dick there's alwaystwo of them that are fucking retarded and you got to cover the fucking slack listen man that's not what it'sabout three four people you exchange thoughts with them you you tell them your feelings whateverthey tell you from time to time i mean i can't tell them that you know i don't get hard on you knowyou know what i'm saying like you just you're just talking to people and it's and that's what it'sall about just keeping it simple be i have three guys that i grew up with
12:21I don't see him a lot, but I talk to them.I wrapped them every two days.I could see that, you know, they're my friends.I don't need to see them.I just need to connect with them.Speaking of connections, I fucking sit here all the time.Anyway, when I go for drives,and I always go, at the end of the fucking thought,
12:41I go, I cannot believe that more people haven't reached out to me from my past.Like, I really can't believe, like,except for maybe two or three people from Colorado,like Boulderand I don't even have a lot of peopleleft in Boulder you knowI always figured that people would hit me upfrom the Aspen days like hey I remember
13:00you holy shit you know you were funnyback then when nobody's everfucking hit me when I went to prisonwhen I got out I'm like all theseI'm gonna have all these prison buddiesreach out to me including the guythat threatened my life that said for me to fuckingif I didn't get to stand up he was going to
13:18fucking kill me I thought he would pop outand look for his 10 points, you could point me in the right direction.Nobody ever popped out at me except one guy that I had on early on at the church.His name was Alejandro Rea, R-E-A, Mexican dude, bad motherfucker.He was part of a cartel before the cartel ever fucking knew they were a cartel.And he was living in Bolden, we were, you know, great friends in the halfway house.We had some great laughs.And then we both got out and I lost contact with him.
13:48And this motherfucker hit me up.You know, like 19, 2013, maybe 14, I was blown away.And he said he was proud of me.We talked.There's another guy from the halfway house that I talked to from time to time on Facebook,but I've never seen him.But the other day, Monday, somebody reached out to me that, guys, I have not seen this motherfucker from the eighth grade.Eighth grade.
14:14Eighth grade, I have not seen this motherfucker.I kind of forgot him.I told some stories about him on the fucking churchand it was just the fucking weirdest thing.He hit me up.I just looked at an old Facebook,you know,you find messages,
14:32Messenger or whatever.And I opened up the messenger and it says,like the thing on the top of the messenger,dog,I never even go to Messenger.I must have clicked on the wrong thingand that page came up.And I looked at a bunch of people,
14:45Joey,how you doing, whatever.But there was this one message and he goes,I don't know if you remember meBut when I looked at the fingerI said his name was RaulAnd I go RaulI grew up in a couple Raoul
14:58Raoul's a very big Cuban nameYou know RaulSo I clicked on to itAnd it's like I don't know if you remember meI moved to North BergenIn the fuckingIn 1977And you lived across the street from me
15:12He goes I heard on the podcastThat you stole my stereoI never thought it was youOh my GodI fucking froze Monday morning.I'm like, what the fuck?So let me tell you how this thing fucking went down.He lives in the Bronx.
15:31His nephew went to see me Sunday, Saturday night in New York City.His nephew comes home on Saturday.He's at his mother's his sister's house,who I also know, Raul's sister.And the nephew goes, oh, we went to see this guy.And Raoul's like, who's this?And they started talking.He's a Cuban guy from North Bergen.
15:49And Raul goes, wait a second.I used to live in North Bergen.Let's check him out.And the guy goes, as soon as he put the video on that he looked at me for like a minute,and all of a sudden just came back to him, and he had to reach out to me.Since we're not friends and me and his son, his nephew and our friends or whatever,he reached out to me on Messenger.But what a coincidence that I never ever go on Messenger.
16:11And the day I click on Messenger by mistake, because it was like a thing on Facebook.You know what I'm doing the things in the morning?You have to click and post and link and whatever the fuck.I clicked the wrong fucking thingand all of a suddenwent to Messengerand I opened up the emailand he had his number on there
16:28I read it and II must look at the email like fuckingfive timesyou know I'm like I can't believe this guyI didn't know what he knew I stole his stereoso I didn't know what I should call him backand he left me the numberbut guys I called him back
16:44and it was like fuckingI hadn't seen him in an hourwe went right back to knowBergen, he asked me about Louis Hernandez.He asked me if I see, you know, because he played basketball, Raoul.So he was a basketball player.We must have talked for an hour on the phone.And he told me some shit I didn't know.
17:04We talked about Puerto Rican Nelson.He reminded me that he threw a snowball one time in Puerto Rican Nelsonbecause he thought that Puerto Rican Nelson had gotten a little out of line with him, you know.So it was good to talk to him about that.He confirmed what I thought about.Puerto Rican Nelson was like a half a pedophile.You know what I'm saying?Like he wasn't a full-time pedophile.
17:25Like he was like just a creepy dude,but he didn't really impose his will on us as much as you would think from a pedophile, you know?So,but Raul was saying that one day he said something to him,you know,if you don't eat broccoli,you won't have a big cock or something.He goes,
17:42I don't know what he fucking said to me,but I whipped him with a fucking snowball and just ran away from him.Raul was a kid to remind everybody.When we were in the seventh grade summer, like the summer of seventh grade,we're outside playing like stick ball or whatever the fuck we're playing.And also a moving truck comes in.Right.And they're unloading shit.
18:02And the family is all out there.And they're looking at this house.And, you know, and we watched them unload that first batch of shit, you know, like they had like a little truck.It was like a little U-Haul.I don't even know if it was a U-Haul or whatever.They unloaded that one.And then when they got ready to go, me and my friends, who were little fucking jackals,looked at each other and were like, let's go through the back window and see what they got in there.
18:26So we're like, let's go.You know, and at this time, my mother was alive.I had no reason to break into a house.I had no reason to steal, but it was there.And my friends were there, and they're like, let's do it.And I'm like, okay, let's fucking do it.And at that time, it was a joke.We were not be any guys.
18:43We were not heavy guys.You know, we were robbed some motorcycles once in a while from fuck.Seacoccus from the trains but we weren't heavy guys so we went through the back windowand uh we went in the house and one of the guys stole like a picture i saw he had a tremendousfisher stereo now guys in 1979 if you had a fucking fisher stereo you were the king of fucking swingyou understand me and this one they had like all components at one which i'd never do againthe eight track the cassette and the fucking album and so i saw the fisher stereo and i go you knowknow what, I'm taking this motherfucker.
19:20I didn't know that they hada fucking 12 year old sonthat was my age. So I took the stereo,I fucking took itto my room. We robbed a couple things.A stereo, a lamp, a bike, you know.Just stupid shit that kidsdo. Please, for you
19:36people are watching this, the wokeliberals, do not hold it against me.I know that you're like, you robsomebody in 1978?Yeah, it was 1978.44 years ago. Get over it, cuck,nobody even talks about it anymore.You can't even press charges, so don't judge.
19:52Who gives a fuck?So we took the fucking stereo and a couple other things,and about a week later, you know, we start school,and the kid's fucking great.His name was Raul, Puerto Rican kid.He smoked dope like us.He played hoops.So we became friends.
20:08You know, I like the kid.And all of some, one day, I'm like,let's go back to my house and watch movies or whatever the fuck we're going to do.And also, when I walk in my house, I go,fuck, I can't fucking ass.This kid to listen to music because he's going to see that I stole the stereo.This kid lived right across the street from me, not three houses down, not eight houses down, right across.You know, when you come out of your front door in that house, right across the fucking street from me.
20:35So I'd have to see him every day.I didn't even think about that shit.So when he's like, well, we're going to listen to music?I'm like, nah, nah, nah, no, no.My stereo's kind of fucked up.Let's go to the basement.The basement I had like punching bags and karate shit.So the whole time
20:48I think he lived in North Bergenmaybe till the end of the eighth gradeAndThe whole timeHe came to my house every dayI couldn't take him to my bedroomBecause his fucking stereoWas in my goddamn bedroom
21:02I couldn't even walk up the blockWith an albumBecause he would ask meLet's look at it and let's listen to itSo I had a call on Charles CourtJump the fenceGo through my backyardLeave the album in the back door
21:12And then walk up my blockGo through the garageSay hello to himclosed the garage and bring the album to the backyard so he wouldn't see me fucking bringalbums home.It was horrible.It was a horrible thing I did.And trust me, at the time, if I could say to him, Raoul, take the stereo, I would.
21:28I just didn't have the balls, you know, I didn't have the balls.But what happened with Raoul was, Raoul's father borrowed money from my stepfather,and my stepfather was a loan shark, and my stepfather was vegan.And he couldn't pay the vegan.When they did he just split in the middle of the night and shit?and my stepfather was pissedbut I'm like, hey, I got the stereo.You got beat, but I got something, you know what I'm saying?
21:52But he was telling me about my stepfather.He said that he still remembered my mother.In fact, he asked me how my mother was.And I was like, she died in 19, fucking 79.He's like, wow.And he started talking about my mother.He would come over and eat.Can you mind how do you have a kid over your house and eat
22:11and you can't take him to your bedroombecause you stole his fucking stereo.I mean, what the fuck did I get myself into, you know?He's a plumber.He owns his own plumbing company.We're going to hook up next time I'm in the city.He's going to come to the show, and we're going to chit-chat a little more.I apologized about the stereo.
22:32You know, he didn't really know about the stereo.I told him.And it's fucking crazy how fast.44 fucking years, and the kids still remember me.And truthfully, I remembered him still.It's not like I fucking blacked him out.But it's great talking with people from the past sometimes.He was just reminding me, I like the stupid shit we did.
22:56He reminded him when he stole the van with all the fucking t-shirts in himand the shirt press and we took it to the city.Guys, we were, you know, I take my daughter to get baseball cards at this place.Like once every two weeks we go in there.We buy five packs.I look around, but it's really a comic book place.And it's fucking cool.shit.
23:16And Raul lived on ourblock when all of us used to rob acomic book guy. His namewas Anthony something.Me, Raul, Ray Canella,I mean, Reagan's been on the churcha couple times. He used to work forthe sci-fi network.
23:31We used to fuck Dean LaPreet, another good friendof mine. We used to smoke. No, we didn't smokedope then. We had a band.I was in a band.You played bass, right? I played bass. No, Ifucking sang. I sang.I sang.my buddy John played the bass
23:46Doug Jimenez played the guitarand Frank Conella played the drumsbut then my voice started crackingso I didn't sound like Michael Jackson anymoreso my singing days were fucking overbut we fuckingyou knowwe just
24:07he reminded me of so many fucking thingswe talked about a vanone night we were playing basketballand we walked back home and weall of us would always like, you know,we drink water out of a fucking hose and shit.And there was a hose right on Liberty Avenueand we used to just grab the guy's fucking hose.
24:24And while we're drinking the hose,we're looking at this van.And we notice that the van don't fucking belong there.We've never seen this van before.So at night, every night after basketball,there was one of those police phones, 911 phones,close to the school.How we started tonight every night
24:41was ripping the phone out of the box,just ripping it and leaving the box open.and cops would be everywhere.They would even set us up, and we'd still get away from them.It was tremendous.After we'd rob the box from that, then we'd go on, and, you know,we'd light Lucy's fucking, you know, Lucy Snorbush had goldfish in front of a housein a bowl, and we put light of fluid on it and light it on fire.
25:02Come on, guys, come on.I thought you knew about this shit.You know, this is what you do when you're young in North Bergen.We're fucking crazy kids.So one night we're just standing, and there's this van,and we look in the van, and we're like, wow, they got boxes,It's a T-shirts.And guys don't remember this.
25:16You guys are too young to remember this.In the 70s, you'd go into a store,and there would be designs on the wall.Like Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd.Yeah, like stupid shit.Follow me.I'm with stupid, all that stuff.And they would put the shirt down,
25:29and they'd have like an iron like this.And they'd thing to thing, you press the button.After two minutes, you picked it up,and your shirt had a stick around it.We looked in the van,and the fucking guy had one of those presses in.We took the, bro.One of the guys,
25:43We were fucking, we're like,should we just bust into the van and take it out?And we're like, no, no, no, no.So my friend said, I could drive.So we drove the fucking, he got in the car.I was petrified.I've never jumped in a stolen car.Stolen cars aren't my thing.
26:00You got nowhere to go.When the cops pull you over, I'm in the car.Can't talk yourself out of it.You know what I'm saying?You're in the car.So where the fuck are you going?So we, uh, he drives the fucking thing.around there was a girl lona merton's and she lived in his apartment building and they had like
26:17the parking garages back there we pulled the van in there and we fucking started taking everythingboxes of t-shirts presses all the designs Mickey mouse spider-man he had like the fantastic fourwe were comic book nerds so we're like oh shit and this is way before comic con they had theselittle conventions in the city you know comic book things and they would sell those shirts and i'll neverforget, we took a fucking buswith boxes of shirts.Each of us had a boxon the bus. The bus driver was like, what the
26:51fuck? Where are you going?They finally, the bus drive finally said, get off the bus,put it on the side. It was six of uswith big boxes and we broughta press. We broughtthe fucking press to the city.Our plan was to gointo the convention and fucking sell
27:07t-shirts. We didn't give a fuck.We didn't know about boots. We didn't knowabout boot fees. We knew nothing.We just thought you showed up like the Englishtown fucking flea market and you sold shit.We go upstairs and they're like, nah, you can't fucking do this.We don't give a fuck.We just want to sell these.We'll sell them cheap.
27:25The guy finally goes, fuck it.I'll buy the shirts from you.We sold all the shirts.We sold the press.We sold the stickers to the guy.We started a fucking, the guy started a business right there on a Saturday morning.We took our money.We got back on that fucking bus.
27:40Went to North Bergen, bought albums, you know,Chinese food fucking at darts that, you know, what kids fuck,what stupid fucking kids throw out.But we used to, in those days, we would get home at 3 o'clock.About 3.10, I'd make a fucking grilled cheese sandwich or something.And I'd run over to fucking Ray Canella's house.Dean LaPriebitt would come over, Raoul would come over,and it'd be like six of us.
28:04And there was this guy on 43rd Street.His name was Anthony something.Sweetheart of a guy.I lived with his parents, half a Momo.But what are you going to do?We all can't be fucking brain surgeons.In his front porch, he had a comic book store.So think about my front porch, sealing it off,
28:22and he had a comic bookstore in that.So before you walk in the house,you had to walk through a comic book store.Anthony DePalmer, Anthony, Rosetti, something like that.We would go up there every fucking day and bust his ball.How much for Superman one?How much for Superman two?How much for Superman three?
28:40Can you give it to me for $15?and the whole time we're busting his ballstwo of us are stealing comic booksfrom him like fucking we're walkingout of there with comic books heavy we stolethe whole fantastic four from himthe whole fucking I love the fantastic fourthen because they had Silver Surfer
28:57in fact I'm thinking of fucking collectingsilver surfers again Silver SurferI love all that shit I love that shitas a kid I never had Supermanbut I was a fantastic four guysilver surfer guyand I was somebody elseI never know about the Black Panther
29:17and all these comic heroesthat they're coming up with fucking knowthey're so fucking many nowI know the rock is black AngusI don't even know what the fuckI don't even know what the fuck he's doinghe's Hawaiian he wants to be Black Angus nowwho the fuck knows anymore
29:31but man it was justit was just really goodtalking to him andyou knowguys I had a great childhood before my parents diedbefore my mother died guysyou know it was like I had a couplebumps when I first moved to Jersey
29:48I got beat up and all thatbut then after a while I was justI was moving and that's what we spoke abouthe was like you know when I leftyou were really likeyou know we werefucking we were playing basketballwe were
30:03we went to karate togetherwe were just a bunch of kidsthat had fun you knowI look at my daughter and I look at these kids today.And down here we can never do this because the houses are too separated.There's really no streets to walk around on.There's really not much for the kids, you know.But guys, like my daughter comes home now at 3 o'clock and, you know, she gets in like 3.15.
30:27And I got to be strictly honest with you.We do nothing.These kids do nothing.I got to, every day I got to fucking tell her, mercy, go knock on, you know, Frank's door.go knock on, you know, the Russians door,go knock on the kid across the street's door,you know, and everybody has different events.But it's not like, you know,
30:48on the block over where Jimmy Florentine lives.Yeah, they got Jimmy over,they got a little Luke over there,and they got a couple kids over there.And there's like three of them that come out every day.But they really got like 10 kids on that block.And sometimes six of them come out.And when the Hindus come out,
31:04you got 10 fucking kids out there running.It's tremendous, you know.But these kids today don't,don't do it. And I told my wife, I go, we got to figure something out.I don't want to put an after-school program. That shit sucks, you know?I wanted to run these streets here. I wanted to fucking, you know, walk around a little bit.But like I said, there's nowhere to fucking go. And that's why I always, if it wasn't for thesefelonies guys, because listen, you can't, I contacted an attorney. For years, all these
31:31motherfuckers were like, oh, Joey, you can get rid of all those felonies until I fuckingcontact on an appointment, a fucking attorney, and went in for a consultation.It cost me $500 for him to tell me that everybody has to be in place for your feloniesto get aligned.What that means is the DA has to fucking go for it, the attorney, the victims, the wholefucking thing.But, you know, I know Vela, well, he won't have any objections on me of raising the felon.But the DA, that fucking DA that prosecuted me, he left right after he prosecuted me.
32:04He fucking went to the feds to prosecute environmental fucking people.They don't even get to remember this fucking case.Like, they're not going to remember all the, they'll read it and they'll come back to them.But they're not going to remember all this shit, like what happened exactly.So I really wanted to get my things expunge for one reason, just so I could work with kids.I could fucking, you know, coach a little league team or coach a fucking bitty basketball team.I don't want to, I know, I know I'm a felon, but I didn't have a drug.felony. I didn't have a sex felony or a kid felony or an assault. It was basically a
32:39fucking second degree burglary felony. If they look at the initial charges, yeah, they might go,but it wasn't as easy. And they want to like, fucking, the attorney told me, it was like 50 grand.I don't have fucking 50 grand to expunge my fucking, my past. Who gives a fuck? If you want to lookat it, look at it. If you're not judging me, but it doesn't matter. I thought that I couldfucking expunge this shit, but.So that's my fucking situationAnd I gotta fucking live with itBut it's always great
33:10When somebody from that capacityIt fucked at me for two daysI couldn't wait to do this podcastBecause there was nobody reallyI could tellAbout how I felt after I got off the phone with himIt was likeA breath of fresh air hit my lungs
33:25It was a different perspectiveYou knowHe was talking about my motherAnd he goes my mother was very kind to himThat my mother even if I wasn't homeShe'd offer him foodhe goes, how much food do you guys have in your house?Because your mom would always offer me fucking food constantly, like steaks.
33:43And my friends love my mom because in my house there was no tuna sandwich, Jack.There was no fish and sticks.There was no fucking macaroni and cheese.My mother wouldn't go for that shit at all.In my house, if you came in there to eat, it was a steak, a balomia, not a teabone.Those skinny ones that they bang with the fuck.fucking hammer and it looks like a fucking side of a cow.My mother would make you one of those with black beans, rice, onions, and some fried bananas.
34:12I still remember us fucking sleeping over.Fernie, me, a villa, a bunch of a sleeping over and getting up.And my mom made fucking that disgusting Cuban dish I told you about where, where I waso?That's when you get white rice, a fucking steak, and you crack two eggs over it, and you crack the yolk.So the eggs go over the steak and the rice dish.Disgusting, but fucking effective.If you're looking for a hard on, let me tell you something.If you're not using blue chew, it's that shit right there, Jack.
34:43Your dick will get fucking hard.Two eggs, the yolk over a piece of fucking meat,that stimulates fucking shit right there in the fucking nuts act.And then that rice and that fucking malocia fucking yolk juice, shit.I still remember them fucking making noises while they ate.Like I still remember, like, me being in back.Because I was always embarrassed when non-white kids ate at my house because my mom wouldn't give them white foodBut then after three minutes the kids would go fuck that shit
35:13I'm coming over here all the time I'm sick of macaroni and cheeseI'm sick eating potatoes your mom never cooks potatoes fuck no it's fucking steak and they would come overShe would buy the fucking we would go to a meatpack in districtOnce a week and my mom would buy boxes of T-bone steaks the fuckingthick ones nice medium side with two eggs in the morning god damn too bad now i can't do that muchfucking meat you know he also told me that he liked my stepfather even though my stepfather was aprick i think about my stepfather fucking all the time but i also think about my stepfather in a weirdway because it depends on the day with me whether i love my stepfather or i don't i love my
36:01stepfather becauseI learned something bigfrom him.You know, his main thingwas No Omar Mia.That was his fucking main wordsall the time and that meansdon't be a shit eater.
36:13And what that means in Cubanit's not that you eat shit.He always wanted meto be on top of my game.Those old revolutionary Cubanslike I didn't understand onewhen he was in my life.I started understanding one
36:26when he was out of my lifeand I was a fuck up.And for me,get back. I had to usesome of the things. One wasone was one of those guyslike, you know what, I didn't eat dinner tonight.Fuck you. You should have been here at six.
36:43That's it. There's no dinner. Like, go fuck yourself.And you feel bad about it, but you're like, you know what?That's life. That's fucking lifesometimes. Dinner's at six. You didn'tcome at six. You came at seven. I cleaned up the kitchen.Go fuck yourself now. I ain't giving you money to eat.One was one of those dudes that made.your work a little harder, but he was always right.
37:05I was too young at the time to appreciate it because, you know, you want to be a fuckinggangster, you want to be a kid, that dude was always right.You know those guys that are always right and you get fucking pissed off?They always fucking prove you right.And you're like, God damn it, motherfucker.He was one of those guys.So as I got older, like as I got into my 40s, when I got off the drugs and shit, I startedfeeling his presence more in my life.
37:30And he didn't have that much of a presence.in my life, butsome of the shithis way of looking at thingsisit's life.There was no second chances.You know, you were supposed
37:43to be that nine and you weren't thereand they fucking didn't hire you.Go fuck yourself.Your excuse is not going to work.Your excuse is fucking worthless to me.He didn't like excusesand it's the truth.You ever tell something to somebody and they hit you with a
37:57fucking half-ass excuse and you're like,what the fuck? What the fuck?What the fuck?Just say that I fucked up.That's it, move on.I won't be fucking pissed.I don't give a fuck it.We all fuck up.
38:08But it was great.Just like thinking about my stepfather and how much I hate him growing up.But how much today I see a little bit of me in him.Like that's, you know, I get up early every morning.I do things.He was a type of dude that this guy had money and he would fucking confuse people.He always had an old car and he always wore jeans and fucking jean jackets.He wore the same.
38:31same clothes every day to fuck with you.He outsmarted people.He always played like a dopey guy.You know, like when I see the old videos of Vinny the Chin Gigante, like people like,yeah, he always played like he was fucking crazy and shit.All those old criminals did that shit.They always had a problem.They're hearing, you know, they always got a fucking an excuse.
38:52I miss one today.I think about him.He died in 2006 and he didn't give him my mother's money and I was always angry at him.But at the end, I didn't need my mother's money.He kept it and listened to this, how bad his life was.When he died, he had a box full of cash, maybe $2 million that he couldn't put in the bank or anything because he was a bookmaker.When he died, he gave that money to his wife at the time.Within a month, she got fucking a cancer fucking notice.
39:21And she died within six months.She gave the money to her brother.Guess what happened to him?He died a year later.So the money ended up going back to my stepfather's daughter in Tampa.And God knows what she's doing with that fucking money.That money was bad luck, Jack.And for years, I wanted that money.
39:44And at the end, I'm happy I didn't even have it go through my fucking house.Because God knows how bad that fucking money was.But that's it.And that's that, guys.That's what I wanted to talk about.A friend of yours is calling you from the past and just opening up your brain.like I was, listen, it took me, and especially how it went down.It went down from his nephew going to the show Saturday night.
40:10And then him going home and he's, he goes, I talk to my nephew all the time.I didn't even know he was into fucking comedy.I didn't even know when he became into comedy or whatever.That's what he asked me.I told him I had done some time.You know, he never got arrested.He says,he got caught up on the cocaine bug a little bit,
40:33but that he went to a rehab,and somebody he was doing coke would die,and he stopped doing coke.We're both 59.We're both going to be 60 next year.So I talked to him,and I said I'd like him to come over one day,maybe do sit down on the podcast one day.
40:50Listen to Bronx.He lives in the Bronx.So he says he wants to come over and do the podcastand explain to you guys a little bit,you know, his year and,North Bergen. Like he had, you know, he talked to me about Carmine Balzano. He goes, I was therethe day fucking Carmine beat up the teacher. And he goes, I was there the day. We were talkingabout when he beat up this dude, Mr. Clemens. Oh my God. We were fucking dying on the phone.
41:16The Clemens family was a great little family. I lived two houses next to me. So next to me wasKathy Ortiz. They were Jehovah Witnesses. And then the bike thief lived upstairs, Valentin Farrow.and then next to him were the Clemenses.The Clemenses were a tremendous family.Great family.The only problem was they all had fleas.They all had, what's that shit in your hair?Lice.
41:39Lice.So they all had to get crew cuts, but it didn't, that's it.Once you have lice in North Bergen, you have lice forever.They will torture you.You might as well keep the lice.Because like I always said, Nancy was a beautiful girl,but nobody ever thought I eaten a pussy because you had lice.Trust what I'm telling you this shit.
41:57So one day fuckingWe're outsideDoing whatever the fuck we didYou know in the summersIn North BergenThen everybody would go out to the front of the houseIt was the ClemensThe fucking the Latino
42:13That fucking racist Italian guyAcross from the ClemensThe altis didn't go outThey were Jehovah WitnessesThey don't mingle with nobodyIt was usMy mother wouldn't go out of the houseBut like Tristano
42:24Would go outAnd there was a lady up the cornerAnd she was an Italian ladywho we would send the pornos to when we were kidsshe would go out there sweep the frontand I don't know what the fuck was going onthis is a great fuckingwe're out there just playing
42:38and all of a sudden there was an argumentI don't know over like stupid shitthere's two kidsthen the father came out he goeswhat's this fucking yelling and screaming aboutand he goes listen man that's my fucking toyI don't knowwell I don't know the next thing I hear
42:54is like a fucking push and a kid goes downand Mr. Clemens is standingover him and I look to see who's on the floor and it's the last guy I want to see it on the floor it'sAnthony Bousanamo. I'm like god damn it so I run over Mr. Clemens what the fuck and he goesfuck this little guy and fuck his father I'm sick and tired and I'm fucking bothering people and thinkingthey can bully people I go he's not bullying your son in fact your son is older than he isI think that's his ball or whatever at war I don't know but Anthony fucking didn't like it and he went toLatino's house and called his father.
43:29And I didn't see him call thefather. I just, I was too busytalking to Mr. Clemens and what had happened.And all of a sudden, guys, I seeAnthony come back and he whispers in my ear,keep talking to him.I'm like, I'm like,I don't know what he meant by that.
43:45And next thing, you know, I see asolo cop car come up the block.No lights, no fuckingit was a detective, and it wasCarmine. And he gets out ofcar. And right away, I knew what time it was.but he had already thrown out two beatings in the last two years.I didn't think he was going to beat up Mr. fucking Clemens.
44:04I think we ended up calling him because they used to say clemito, right?They used to, the Spanish kids called him Clemito.Now, at that time in North Perrigan, there was maybe 10 Spanish kids.But the white kids liked the way they said, Bioho.They would always go, how do you say license Spanish?So the Spanish kids taught the white kids how to say lice in Spanish,which isPiojo, right?
44:28So we would sayClemente Tiena Pioho.All the white kidswould say that in Spanishto him, and he would lose his fucking mind.So I don't know what the fuck happened.People are saying,Clemente de Nipioo.
44:41Carmine comes up to Mr. Clemens.I don't think he liked Mr. Clemens at all.Mr. Clemens was a nice guy,but he was the leader of that crew cut.You know that crew cut that comes out straightwith the fucking,it looks like an handle on your fucking head.He had one of those fucking things.
44:55So fuckingOne thing leads to anotherAnd within two minutesCarmine smacks this motherfuckerWith the walkie-talkieBatteries all over the floorHe goes downHe's got to cut over his eye
45:12He's bleedingHe goes downThe guy goes down and holds his faceCarmine takes his handsAnd puts the handcuffs onAnd proceedsJust to start smacking himRight, Bob
45:23After the third punchThe guy was out.Blood was everywhere.Kids are going crazy.Head him.Head him.He's got fleas.It was not good, right?
45:34Hit him, punch him.The kids were outside crying.The mother was holding the one girl.They had like seven kids.Carmine's punching him and shit.And the guy's yelling, police brutality, police brutality.Call the cops.Listen, at that point, everybody who was up, got up and started sweeping their front balcony.
45:52I still remember when Carmine got up, he took the handcuffs off the fuck.guy and Mr. Clemens kept saying you all saw that and nobody called the police what are youwhat kind of citizens are you and nobody said raised a fucking boo everybody just kept sweeping wedon't know dick we don't know nothing we don't know nothing we don't know nothing everybodykept sweeping sweeping sweeping sweeping he got up and he fucking we were kind of like laughing but afterI saw the kids I kind of felt a little bad but I still loved that Klemma and beat him up when you'refucking 12 anybody gets beat up you're fucking it's a good dayneighborhood. So fucking
46:27he pushed Anthony over.He pushed Anthony over, but Anthony kind ofwent after him. You know, Anthony always knewhis father would show up.So if I know my father's going to show upand there's no, I'm going to pick a fight with you twoevery fucking day. But weall saw that and Raoul was like,
46:44I go, did you ever go to Carmine's eyes?He goes, no.He goes, now after I saw him throw the beating onMr. Totoro, because in the 8th grade he threw a beatingon a fucking gym teacher too atthe school. So he was like, I never wentover. A lot of kids weren't a lot over his house.Me, I love going over that.
46:59I got through that. They were the first houseI ever went to that they had a slicer.A fuckingco-cut slicer. And they wouldput ham on the fucking slicerand you could cut the fucking hamand they would make white riceand they would heat up cream of turkey
47:15soup, a cream of chicken soup, and youwould take the fucking ham, put it on the riceand then pour the cream of turkey soup. It's whitetrash food. But guess what? When you're12, you eat that shit right the fuckup. You get me?Anyway, without further ado,that's it and that's that.
47:31It was a simple podcast today.I didn't want to get in too deep. Next week,we got our guests coming back. I had threeguests in a row. I know you guys like the soloones, but on this particular Wednesday, I ain't got dick to say.You follow me? I went to the doctor yesterday.I did a biopsy on my fucking chin.I'll get the results. They're going to have to
47:49slice it. So in the next couple weeks,we might have to fucking not do a podcast.because they want to stitch it.Yeah, this is not good, guys.This is not good.This is a fucking ingrown hairthat is probably like three inches long in there.It's one of those white hairs.
48:06Dude, I get them all the time.They suck.They fucking suck.I manscape them.I put everything.You know, I manscape the nutsackand you go up, double up on the fucking bead.But anyway, I love you motherfuckers with all my heart.
48:19Football has been great this year, guys.I've made money the first two weekendsand I'm no fucking swami from salami.When I say I made money, if I made $50 both weekends,I had the Jets and the Giants last weekend,had Buffalo on Monday night.I didn't bet the Minnesota Viking game.I didn't know.
48:37I did have fucking Green Bay on Sunday.The only loser I had was fucking Indianapolis.They lost by fucking 30, those cock-knuckers.But man, draft kings has been great.Thank God they're a sponsor this week.That's it, guys.Have a great week.Have some fun.
48:51And we'll be back Monday.Tip Top McGooReady for you motherfuckersAll rightI want to thank you guysFor listening this weekI'm sorry about todayIt was one of those weird podcasts
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53:18Coxuckers next Monday, tip top Magoo. Stay black.
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