The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #199 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: September 26, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Monday, September 26th… This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by DraftKings & Express VPN… DRAFTKINGS Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook App and using code JOEY. If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms. EXPRESSVPN Go to https://www.ExpressVPN.com/JOEY Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #DraftKings #ExpressVPN The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in code Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your house. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Monday, the 26th of September. The joint is brought to you by Freeze Pipe. Listen, it's getting cold out there.

Celebrate for by blowing a big icy cloud in the fucking woods with Freeze Pipe. Just freeze it, pack it, and motherfucking rip it. The hot smoke passes through the frozen part, cooling down the smoke and you inhale. Let me tell you something. They just sent me the new bungs for 2023. Oh my fucking God. This bubler is fucking tremendous. Now freeze pipe is even better.

They've updated their bungs, so they have six independent reading freezing coil for even better airflow and much easier cleaning experience. Your Uncle Joey's taking care, you cock suckers. It's Monday. Go to the freezepipe.com. Pressing code Joey and save 10% off your first motherfucking order. Get yourself a new bong for yourself, for Thanksgiving for the Pilgrims.

Get a bong, a pipe, or a buggler. That's the freezepipe.com. Pressing code Joey and save 10% though. You understand me? The joint is also brought to you by ExpressVPN Listen Go on that dark web

And you get some Fucking goodies But you need ExpressVPN Uncle Joey only recommends Brands that I fucking believe in And when I say ExpressVPN is the best

You know it's the motherfucking truth First off ExpressVPN Doesn't log in your activity online Lots of pre-vpns Make money by selling your data To advertise It's not ExpressVPN

They're fucking tremendous their servers are incapable of storing any data at all. ExpressVPN is always blasting fast and lets me stream videos and HD quality. You don't need any technical skills to get set up. Just fire up the app. Tap one button to connect. Bim bam boom. There you are.

Fucking looking beautiful. That's why CNET, Business Insider and the verge all rate ExpressVPN, the number one VPN in the world. What the fuck are you rating for? Okay, I use VPN when I'm in a hotel room. I love ExpressVPN because it gives you a peace of mind knowing that your data is secure. So protect yourself with the VPN that I use and trust.

Use Uncle Joey's link. Ready? ExpressVPN.com slash Joey. And when you put in Joey, you're going to get an extra three-month free on your one-year package. It's Monday. I'm swinging out fucking gifts like I'm swinging. out fucking dick.

Happy Rosh Hashanah, cock suckers. That's expressvpn.com slash joey. Visit expressvpn.com to learn more. And what else? It's motherfucking Monday, cock suckers.

Get the Chinese guy on the order and get some spare ribs. We're talking Monday night football. We're talking touchdowns. Big plays. Bigger wins. We're talking about the giants versus the cowboys.

Tonight. New customers, bet $5 on any team. I'll tell you what is important, because you get two bills and free bets, and it starts your bankroll to start betting $20 a night to see when Aaron Judge hits a home run. And that's not enough. Everybody can boost their winnings

with Draft Kings stepped up same game parlays, and their motherfucking prop bets are the best in the business, with bigger payouts than ever. To make things even sweeter, you can throw down same game parlays once a day. But you start with you.

Download Draft King Sportsbook app. Right now, use promo code Joey to get 200 free bets if your team wins when you place a $5.00 a bet on any football team. That's code Joey. Only a Draft King Sportsbook,

an official sports betting partner of the NFL. Minimumant age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details. Now, do me a favor. Download the Draft King Sportsbook app or the fantasy app and let's start making some money

pressing code Joey let's do this Mike All right, all right You bad motherfuckers Where the fuck you've been It's Monday to 26th of the month We already kill this motherfucker This thing is down

That's it This is your last week To fucking shine guys So uh Make it fucking work You know what I'm saying It was a great week But now we're on to another one

I got two more weeks To the fucking next show I already been writing a few things, how funny it is. I have no fucking idea, but you never know until you try it. Uh, had a great fucking weekend. My daughter's softball team is 6 and 0.

Listen, they know, they're like the Cincinnati Reds, man. They, they walk. They fucking hit singles. And every great once in a while, they hit a home run, but let me tell you something. Their fucking defense is, uh, just, it's great to watch. It's great to see these girls

two years ago and to see them now. This is why I tell people, the time. Don't fucking quit, dick. Don't quit, dick. If you like it and it's working for you and it's not killing you, stick with it because, oh my God, it's like they're like a machine. And watching it makes me fucking happy because when I was young, I didn't see that shit. I never saw that type of like growth in anything. You know, you smoked pot, you played football, you play, I don't know. So it didn't make you really want to stick with something. You thought when you did something the first or two times, you're like, I'm not good at

this. I'm not going to stick with it. But if you haven't, listen, it's like me with cars. I don't have an interest to get fucking under a car. I really don't. I'm just bad at it. Did I try it? For years, I changed spark plugs. I did my

own fucking oil. Do you know for a while I changed my own oil when I lived in Boulder for some reason or another? It wasn't even to save the 10 bucks or whatever. It was just to do it. You know, because it was just to do it because I'm sick and tired. Not being able to do dick. So I would just

fucking do it, you know, and then it was an accurate, it was a small car, I could pull it up to a thing and just unscrew a thing and put the bucket under there. I changed the air filter on my own. I did all stupid shit like that, but when it came to fixing

carburetors and fucking axles and shit, you got the wrong guy, you know? So I knew I didn't have the aptitude for it. Jiu-Jitsu, I don't have the aptitude for it at all whatsoever, just like car mechanics, but I like I'm sweating. I'm pulling.

I'm getting fucking tackled. You know, every once in a while, it feels kind of good to get beat up, guys. It really does. Just to remind you that you're fucking, you know, when you go up against a skinny guy that weighs a buck and a half and he's throwing you around like a rag doll.

And you're like, you know, I got to start eating fucking Kellogg's again or some shit because this shit just is not fucking working. But yesterday we had a very fucking nice experience at the softball field. will have to touch it on it and change the names so nobody will be fucking insulted by this. He's a dear friend of mine.

I love these guys. Listen, I love all the parents I hang out with you. I got to be honest with you. If you would have told me 10 years ago when I'm at the comedy store one night talking to guys that come in for a second, you're not going to be talking to these guys forever. In about 10 years, you're going to be hanging out with parents

watching stupid softball games and stuff like that. What do you think about that? I go. You know what? As a Swami, it's not going to work out for you because you can't fucking read the future. But I got to tell you something, man. My happiest moments all week have been this four-ball shit on Saturdays. It's fucking beautiful out. We get sandwiches.

We get fucking, you know, iced tea with lemon and then shit. And you just sit there. You read a few edibles. You sit there. They're double-headed. So you enjoy the fucking game. The son's on you. You're talking to parents.

You're talking to moms. they're telling you about their jobs and their lives. Guys, I got to tell you some, it's pretty interesting. I remember the first time Jimmy Florentine told me. He's like, you're going to have a good time talking to the parents at the games. I'm like, I guess Jimmy doesn't know me too much, but boy, I have a great time. And, you know, you build relationships. You go over to the house.

The girls do things together. It's fucking magical. So there's this couple that, all my friends, you know, they fucking dabble. All the parents, they either do or they don't, or they drink fucking martini. Liquid IV on a Monday morning, get that fucking dick hard, get the party started. Tons of minerals, vitamins, everything. Your fucking eyeball start to blink. So we're sitting there yesterday.

Game starts at fucking 9 o'clock. It's a doubleheader. We're going to be there until about 2, 1.30. Let's make the best of it. You know, every three innings I get up, I walk around the Little League field. I go take a piss by the car, even though there's a bathroom. I just still love pissing by the car if I can get away with it right on, or in the weeds or wherever.

the fuck I go. I know. They'll get you on the pedophile patrol. But I bring a bottle with me. I bring a hospital bottle. I got like two hospital bottles. I put in both cars. My wife's mine in case I got to make a fucking quick trip into the woods like fucking Bella Lagosie. So I'm at this game and fucking I'm sitting talking to them and I take out these edibles. Whenever I order from Stoner Club, you know, you order edibles from Stoner Club or weed, and they always send you little gifts. They send you a couple joints. They know I like the edible, so they send me all these Mike and Ikes,

the fucking 600 milligram in a bag, like six fucking thing. Listen, I just eat the whole bag. In fact, I got so high to you on night. It was 11.30 at night, and I couldn't find nothing sweet to eat. So I just ate a bag of Mike and Ikes. Already I was fucked up. I used to do this all the time in L.A. When Anthony Dolores was around, she'd have the pretzels and all that shit.

I'd get high. Go home, look for munchies, and all of a sudden I'd eat 500 milligrams more pretzels, because each pretzel was 15 milligrams. Nobody remembers Anthony Dolores shit. So she had the fucking peanuts. You would just, I remember one time I gave her pretzels to a stuartist without even fucking thinking. And I got off the plane. I'm like, that bitch is going to be fucked up because you couldn't tell.

So I had the, I had the, uh, Mike and Ix the night. I woke up, I couldn't understand my, my fucking eyes were wide shut. When I woke up, it was like I had pink eye the next morning. You ever have pink eye? You wake up, you have like a fucking crust and shit. So I get up, man, I'm talking to these guys this couple. And I go, it's 11.30. You know, it's that time.

So this bag had, I think it was 250 milligrams, but they were in 25s. It was like grape showers or whatever. But on the top of the bag, it's that extremely potent. So the gentleman I was with had just said to me, Hey, I ate one of your 15 milligrams last week from True Dose, the ones from Stoner Club. He goes, those motherfuckers are pretty good. I go, you handle it okay? He goes, yeah, no problem.

So once you do 15, what's the difference with 25 milligrams? 10 milligrams, right? So I give one to his wife. I give one to him, and I eat the rest. You know me, I'm a fucking galvone, right? So I put down 200 milligrams, and it didn't do dick. It got me a little, for a little while when I had to take a pee one time. I'm sitting there with them, and we're talking,

and then all of something, we're going to the giggle face. We're giggling, da, da, da, da, da. My wife's looking at us. The other moms are looking at us like, we're fucking three retards. And next thing, you know, I'm looking at my buddy here, and I can see he's getting a little sweat around his nose, right? I'm like, well, it's hot out, but I'm not sweating. In fact, it was fucking cold as shit yesterday.

So I, uh, keep checking him, you know? And I noticed that he stops cheering for his daughter. And that's the sign right there. Because, you know, we all cheer for our kids and shit, and their kids. And he stopped cheering for his daughter. And that's when I got concerned. I started looking at him. He had sunglasses on, so I couldn't see.

He was just sitting there looking like Jim Jones and Guyana. I remember when he made those poor fucking people drink the fucking Kool-Aid and shit? He was just sitting like that. So I kept asking him, you're okay? And he's like, yeah, I got this. And then finally, I could just see his mouth dried up. You know, I asked him if he wanted water or Coke. He went, yes.

And my wife brought the water or the Coke. He just pointed at the Coke. That's when they point, you're done. I mean, he didn't pull an O and Benjamin on me. But he went deep, you know. I gave him some fucking water. You know, we kept giving him water and love. You know, now I was fine, and his wife was fine,

so I knew it wasn't something with the edibles. But, you know, sometimes you get up in the morning, you get a little gung-hole. He had had a little something in his stomach. And he caught fucking THC poisoning, which, listen, you motherfuckers have known me for a long time. And I love my edibles. You guys always saw me just eating like 2,000 milligrams with Lee or eating a thousand stars or whatever. That's all fine and dandy.

But it took work to get there. And these are the stories you never fucking hear about. You never hear about those stories when we fucking pass out or when my friend, to call the ambulance on the 101 because he was driving. He thought he was having a heart attack. There's a thousand. Listen, on your quest to the edible journey, you're going to have a couple of accidents as we call him, okay?

You're going to have some fucking accidents. And while I was talking to him last night, then when I, you know, towards the end, the game ended, and I sat there with him for a little while, you know, we didn't want him to mingle with the other parents and shit, not yet. They're nice white people. Then they left, and I walked him to his car. He got a little sick, which was good. The T.HC poison fucking came out of them.

And then when you're in that situation, always remember, CBD. That's why you always got to carry a CBD line, the tincture. I don't care if you go to the CBD line by the cheapest tincture they have. That tincture will set you fucking straight when you're high. When you're just getting that a little bit too much, your heart's beaten. You don't know what's really going on. You think the Martians are surrounding you. Stop.

Take a breath. Call for grandma. Grandma, get the CBD. I'm going deep into the murky waters and just put it on your fucking tongue and you'll be fine. Trust me what I'm telling you. Sure enough, my wife brought him some CBD

and within two hours he was fine. I spoke to him this morning and it all worked out. I was a little scared there. I wasn't feeling too good about myself when it happened. But you know what, man? If it would have just been him and I, I would have been more upset. But since his wife took it

and nothing happened to her. we're fine that it was just a T8C fucking overload there was a period when we were eating that banana bread that guys I went through hell and back hell and back

hell and back with that banana bread listen there's no cameras around when you're fucked up like I wish I would have taped myself in one of those positions you know the one that sticks out in my fucking mind like I was telling my wife yes I go Terry you know

sometimes you just have bad days and good days with those edibles and you pray for the best. You put an edible in your mouth if it's over your reins. Like, let's say you're eating 10 to go to Grandma's house on Sundays to eat spaghetti. And on this day, you decide to eat 25, you know, just note that shit could turn for you real quick, start breathing a little bit. I mean, I've seen it. I've seen it.

It's funny for a few minutes, and then you think about that person, how you fell when you were there. And that's all I could think about. When I was looking at them yesterday, there was one day when we had no idea what the banana bread was in. it. I mean, you took your chances with that thing. I saw Yoshi go down. I saw a bunch of motherfuckers go down on that banana bread. But I never thought I'd go down. Was I

fucking wrong? And one day I had a meeting and I went there and gave me a slice and I didn't want it to fucking melt. I told you this fucking story. And on the way home, I was out of it in the car and I'm driving on Chandler. Chandler in L.A. is the street in the valley and it's

fucking wide open all the time. Everybody's driving on the other fucking main streets, Ventura and shit Chandler. I got on Chandler for a fucking reason because nobody would see me. I mean, I was driving with no t-shirt on. Tits is sweating. No color.

I remember the people pulled up to me in a car and just looked at me. I mean, when do you pull up to a car and the person driving doesn't have a fucking shirt on? And it's like May or something. It wasn't even that hot. I had a suit on. I'd take that motherfucker off. And I'll never forget, at that light, I turned around

and there was a huge bottle, a container of water. like the big ones, not the 12-ounce ones or the 16, but it was like 24 that I had just bought one day or somebody gave it to me and I took two sips of and threw in the back seat. That fucking car was old. That water was old and mummified, but I didn't give a fuck. How bad I was feeling, I had to take that water and down it, and it was kind of warm. People say that when you drink warm water, your tithes grow, it raises the estrogen and if you're a man or whatever. I don't know

what the rumor is, but all I know is by the time I got home, I was fucking out of it. I mean, out of it, I had to sit on a fucking chair, and I put the air on, the air condition. We had central air in that house. The fucking air conditioning was right here, and it's blowing on me, and I'm like, I'm going to fucking die, and all of something, my cat jumped on me.

Once the cat jumped on me, I'm like, and I love this cat, and you know, me, you can't kick an animal or push it. You know, you can tell him, please get off me. But I felt so bad because he wanted to just be with me. His face is right there. Well, I had the fucking anxiety, and the next thing you know he's sticking his claws into me

you know when they do that with their claws and shit I'm like motherfucker I wanted to punch him and when I fucking realized what I was thinking I go the anxiety's gone and that's how I got that was a four fucking hour death ride that day you know we tell the story a little faster than what had happened

we don't talk about parking and getting out and holding onto the car for four minutes because you thought the street was going to fucking turn on you you have no fucking idea So I know how he felt yesterday. So I felt shitty, you know, and I told him, I said, just go home, you know, take the CBD, take a nap, balance your body, sweat it out tomorrow morning. And this morning, he hit me up. And he goes, I know what I'm resting.

He gave me the line from Goodfellers. So, whew, I feel a lot better now. Nobody thought I dosed him. You know, because he always get that fucking call from people that I went to a bar. I'm sick and tired. Listen, guys, I'm telling you this. I love you motherfuckers. and I know there's a lot of creepy fucking people out there

If you go out to drink to a bar Please watch your fucking drink And keep your eyes on it I tell you why Every fucking weekend I hear I'm somewhere And somebody says Oh my sister went to a club

And somebody dosed her drink And nothing happened But listen I hear it all the fucking time And it's getting old guys How come nobody doses guys fucking drinks Chicks? You're not eating And you're fucking not big enough To handle the fucking Long Island iced tea

Stop blaming it I'm got dosed No you didn't Nobody wants to fucking dose you You just fucking over drink And it's always a fucking dose So everybody that's with you has to feel bad Cover your fucking drinks

God damn it every week My sister went out And somebody just told me this couple days ago At the gym that somebody went to like a restaurant That I liked around town And then they said they got dosed On a Wednesday night Hello Jesus Christ

When is this shit gonna end with everything And men don't ever get dosed I never get a call from fucking and Theo Vaughn You're not going to believe what happened Man, I got dose last night I went to a button Nobody fucking stop it

Stop it Fuck it, everybody's getting Dosed all of a sudden I didn't dose nobody You know me though I only used to dose that one girl We used to dose each other But besides that I've never really

Dosed anybody Except believe But he knew he was getting dose So And Bert No but I didn't Yeah I dose Nah

But I told them what they were eating It's not like you put it in their fucking drink And then they don't fucking know. It's an interesting week this week because I was thinking a lot about Mike this week. And I was thinking about how you're never really prepared to get married. Like, you have all this shit cooking for you, you know. Mike's getting married this weekend. I've known Mike for a few years. You know, I knew him when he didn't have kids. All of a sudden he's got one kid.

Also, he fucking knocked her up again. And it's like, what the fuck happened, you know? But, you know, man, guys, marriage either brings us. the best out of you or marriage will fuck you up you know there's a 50-50 toss on this and we all know this we all know somebody who's gotten separated or divorced or you know and i got to tell you something marriage is a lot of hard work and marriage is you got to eat shit from time to time and we don't like eating shit you know when i first got married when i was whatever fucking age I was 80, 20. I was 26 when I got married, you know, and I think I was 25 when I got thrown in prison.

And I was not ready for both events in my life. I was ready to snor Coke and the rob and to have a good time, but I wasn't ready. I didn't know this, you know, and I look at my life now. You know, I go to Jiu-Zitzu, I do a couple things. And most of the people I hang with the 10 years younger than me. You know, some of them are married and some of them are single. I mean, I have friends like my buddy Sean, coach Sean at Hollis. He's 20 fucking 8 years old.

I love this fucking kid. We talk, you know, a couple times a week. He teaches me two days a week when I go to the court class. We're tight. I look at kids like that. You know, he's a young man. He's not a kid. But I see when, how young guys treat me.

And I love that. Listen, I love you no matter how old. you are. It doesn't make a difference to me. But they'll call me to do things and it fucking flatters me to no end. You know, and it kills me to say no to them. Because if this was 12 years ago, if you guys know anything about me, I'd be more fucking social. But people sometimes call me and they'll go, hey man, what are you doing right now? And I'm like, I'm sitting here with the girls.

They're like, we just want to let you know that we're having lunch somewhere or we're having dinner somewhere. And that warms my fucking heart. but it's very rough to tell your wife and your daughter, hey, listen, there's three innings left in the game. I got to go. I'm going to go eat with my friends, and I'll see you guys later.

It's very rough to do that. As a single man, you think we could do that all day. And I appreciate it. And I love when I have a dear friend that says that my wife has my boss. You know what I'm saying? She's like, I don't see you no more because you're not. wife has your boss. I have like three friends that say that to me. Now, anybody who knows me knows I run rampant from Monday to Friday. That's the house rule. I run fucking rampant.

While she's in school, from 8-10 to fucking 3-10 until she gets off that bus, guys, I can do whatever the fuck I want. Okay. Saturday days, if she doesn't have a softball game, I can do whatever fuck I want. Sundays, you know, I do the podcast, two times. times a week. I go to one spot a week. I try to fucking do. You know, I'm not going, I went last week to Jiu-Jitsu one time,

but to watch the Black Belt class. I had to watch it first before I show up. This week and the next four-week goals to just go to one class a fucking night, especially if I fucking get this movie. So you just can't, you know, sometimes they'll call and go, listen, after class, we're all going to go get barbecue or something.

Guys, you know me. I'm a fat fuck. After jujitsu, somebody gives you fucking brisket. Are you fucking getting me? I do that all day long, but I can't because the girls are waiting for me. To go eat lunch, you to go to a party or whatever. And it's, listen, I still, until this day, wish I fucking could just grab them one last time and tell them how much I love them and I miss them.

But I wish I could tell Ralphie, I could apologize to Ralphie. Because if there was anybody I used to get angry over this, And I'm telling you guys the truth. When Ralphie would call me and say, hey, man, I'm going to pick you up at 8 o'clock. I just landed. It's 2 o'clock. I'll be there 8, 8.30. I go, what the fuck?

What do you mean 8.30? He'd go, I got to stop at the house and see my kids and see my wife and eat something. And God knows what's going to happen. But I should be out of the house by 8.8.30. He would pick me up at 9.9.30. But I'd be furious. Deep down inside, I'd go, wait a second. You make all this fucking money.

And you still got to do this shit. I did not understand guys even. And this had to be, you know, 10, 12, 13 years ago that I was that naive that I would be like, come on, Ralphie. Just I didn't understand. I didn't understand. I had no idea. I still remember being at a burger place with my wife.

She's seven months pregnant. And I'm telling her how. We're going to have this kid, but I'm not really going to be involved with this. This isn't my world. I'm not good at this shit, you know, so I'll just go out and work as much as I can and give you money. And she was like, then we should just get a divorce right now because that's not going to work for me. I'll never forget that day. And she just flipped the fucking table on me.

She's like, you've got to be involved a little bit. And then I agree with her and, you know. But then, you know what happens? the child is born and as Mike knows for the first three weeks of having a kid you're like Jesus Christ this is a pain in the ass

the first two months there's not a man that you'll talk to ladies if you're watching this I'm sorry to blow your bubble but for the first month six weeks after we have a kid when we go to work we're like man give me overtime

give me all the overtime you got I don't want to be around that fucking ugly kid and my wife complaining and getting up in the middle of night because you know the kid ain't looking at you they're just looking up and shit you don't fucking know if that's your kid you don't know what the fuck is going on here you know but then you look at this child one day

and you pick him up and you play with his little fingers and his feet and you're like okay I'm all in and then they start coming to you and what are you gonna fucking do we're gonna be our dads I gotta go you know no you gotta fucking you gotta fucking talk to them and then pick them up.

And, you know, I look at pictures sometimes and her and I just watching videos in the morning. Just sitting there when she was three, two, four, you know, that's our little fucking thing. And now it grew into us watching a little TV at night and talking about what were we watching the other day. Well, the other day were watching The Godfather. It was on Showtime.

We had to kill a half hour. And there was the part when Michael tells him he wants to shoot Salazzo and McCluskey and shit. And she's like fucking loving it. when he was shooting a gun in the basement, you know, it grew into that. But that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is how there's young guys and there's a guy I love to death. He's about 40-something.

You know, he's a good-looking dude. He slings dick like a motherfucker. And he's my friend. I think I met him down here. It's like he's an old friend from North Bergen or anything. I met him down here. I like the hell out of this dude. But this dude caused me to do it.

shit and I feel so guilty because deep down inside I want to go to this place is with him like he invited me to 516 last week or 618 whatever the restaurant and freehold that stuff to get into and I had softball practice you know what I'm saying but here's the thing when I'm at that softball practice there's no other place I'd rather be and I here I am sitting there I'm not smoking dope. It's not like I'm drinking beer. It's not like I got a fucking ghetto blasted behind me, listen to music. I'm fishing. You ever go fishing?

You throw your thing in. And you sit there. And yeah, sometimes somebody gives you a joint. Sometimes somebody passes you some blackberry brandy or whatever the fuck it is. You know, it's just really I want people to understand.

It's a big move. When you get married, anything in life it's like that line from the Sopranos. when Paulie tells whatever, listen, you got to pay me $6,000 a month or $6,000 a week. That could be a lot. Well, that could be a little. That's up to you guys.

That could be a lot of dough or that could be a fucking little. That's a strong statement right there. But it just, I enjoy what I'm doing now. Did I enjoy this 15 years ago? None of a million years. While she was pregnant, I was ready to pull my hair out. But now this is taking my manhood to a different level.

When you're married, listen, guys, as much as your friends tell you your shit and everything, when you're married, when you get married, it takes your manhood to a different level, whether you fail in the marriage or it prosperes or it blossoms or whatever the fuck you want to say. Think about what I'm saying here. Listen, if you get married at 28,

and after the first six months you're like, this sucks. And listen, I said it that, dog, I said it on the honeymoon. When I first got married, my first wife, when I was 26, on the honeymoon, I was thinking that. On the plane, we had just got married at lunchtime.

We're on a honeymoon plane at 7 o'clock, and I'm already going, I think I made a mistake. That's not fucking good. And obviously, I made a mistake, and it cost me my... But I knew, at the time I didn't think I liked fatherhood

when all that went down fatherhood and the divorce and marriage at that time I couldn't be married to the who named the hottest chick in the fucking world the chick with machine gun Kelly if she shuts her fucking mouth you know whatever her name is she's good looking bro but shut the

fuck up Megan and you know if she was like a millionaire whatever like that still wouldn't have worked because I just wasn't ready I was still a fucking renegated it and then when I tell you not ready please don't think it was because oh I was on them they had nothing to do with

sex or being with women I just wasn't ready for little things I wasn't ready to help somebody with their fucking laundry right or wrong we have a hard time going to bring our own fucking laundry down now I got to throw your panties in the laundry and look at your fucking vanilla milk fucking bras that have no smell why are we washing these bras they smell like nothing

every once in a while I get a little onion by the fucking armpit but you know this is just a thousand things that you got to help him make a bed you got to help them vacuum we're not built to that shit and then you get guys that are making money that tell them i'm taking care of everything those motherfuckers are never going to fucking bend over and do anything trust me i'm telling you i i see what goes on in relationships listen i'm not johnny fucking the best around the house but i try to help her a little bit i take the garbage out i fucking you know go get groceries from time to time I take mercy to all her softball games.

I'm at all the practices. I'm at all the kickboxing events. You know, that takes a lot of fucking time. Could I do this at 28? I can lie to you. I can lie to you and tell you, oh, I could have done this fucking, I couldn't have done this at fucking 28 years old.

So I want to congratulate Mike on his wedding. And if any of you guys are thinking about it or whatever, I just want you to be prepared for it. I think I see a lot of. people, especially when you're under 30, you don't even see the transition. You think you get some point of peer pressure somewhere and then all of a sudden you get in a ring. And once you get the fucking ring, you open up a fucking Pandora's box of emotions and feelings

from everybody. And meanwhile, you're like, do I make a fucking mistake? I've been there, guys. We've all been there. It's okay to admit it now to her, you know, tell her tonight. I'm going to tell you what Uncle Joy was saying, we're happy, I love you to death, but the first month I wanted to stab you after the wedding,

but we grew into it. You really do. You grow into it, or it doesn't work for you. First time I got married, guys, it did not fucking work for me. It did not. At any level, I still think about those times and time. You know, just when I have a disagreement with my wife today, I just look at my first marriage and I go, okay, this is,

I learned so much of it, but, the main thing I learned about my first marriage was about me and what I was going to tolerate and what I couldn't do and what I, you know, first thing I didn't like about my first marriage was I married her, not her fucking family. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this in a bad way. I loved her family.

I loved the brothers. I loved the girls. I shouldn't even bring this up, but I was surrounded with them. And they were great to me at that time. The father was great. The whole thing. What I'm trying to say is if you live in Philadelphia,

move your in-laws to Hershey Park. You know what I'm saying? They're two hours away. Two hours is perfect for your in-laws. You know, and if you understand. And again, like look at my in-laws today. I fucking love my in-laws. Last Sunday I spoke to every girl in the family.

My sister-in-law on my wife's brother's side, my sister-in-law, on my sister's side, my wife's side, her daughter and my mother-in-law. I'm tight with them. I like them. We talk about fried chicken and shit like that because they live in the South. But there's just a lot of things that you might not like your first time. You know, her parents lived in Boulder and I opted to move to Boulder.

So it seemed like, and there was sweethearts. I shouldn't even have said that because that didn't even affect me. But it was kind of, there was parts of it. You know, I always found myself over her house. That's what I'm trying to say, that I didn't have parents. So when you don't have parents to kill off the balance, you find yourself over at their home for all the events, the holidays, whatever.

And I just wish I would have had family out there to represent my own, you know, to bring. So she'd go see that, like, since I've been to Jersey. Yeah, we do Christmas here. We do Christmas around the corner, and one of the girls' house with all the kids. but we also do the Christmas at one of my buddies's house in Jackson is like my brother.

We go over there, light meal, whatever, just to take the fucking pressure off both sides. But marriage is a beautiful thing. Will you be ready for it when you're 23? I don't know. You got to try. Will you be ready for it when you're 25? I don't know.

You got to try. How old are you now, Mike? 41 Wednesday. So he's ready. He's got more. He's got no choice. He had fucking kids, you know. When I walked in here today,

I want to talk to you guys about something real quick. I have a lot of comedians on Patreon. I have a lot of comedians who I just, listen, they asked simple questions. When I was in L.A. and the podcast was bigger and I was touring, I would get more emails from comics,

but they were all looking for a handout or a guest said or for me to put them on the Rogan Polly. Listen, you get the most outlandish request. But when a comic hits me and says, hey, listen, do you have any tips for writing? Or I'm trying to get into this club and the owner. I get those type of questions. And I really enjoy those, you know?

And every once in a while I get the number one question I get is how long does it take to get rocking and rolling? You know, like, and when I say rocking and roll, I'm not talking about you're on fucking network television. or you got the number three podcasts in the world. I'm talking about you're paying your bills. You're making progress. You're working towards something every quarter.

You know, there's always something going on. It may not be the biggest thing, but there's always something going on. I think for me to continue with this, I have to tell you my personal situation with this. One of the best careers. I'm going to tell you something, guys. One of the best careers in Hollywood. it. The best probably is voiceovers.

There's tons of money in it. There's tons of opportunity in it. And you don't have to do a lot of fucking shit. You get the audition from your voiceover agent. You take a room a quarter of the size of this. It could be a closet. It could be a closet. You put a microphone in there.

Just the same setup we're doing here. In fact, I got to do a voice. This is why we're talking about this. I have to do a voiceover tomorrow that I've been working on since Wednesday. I'm really excited about this voiceover. I make copies, you know, and it's easy. All I got to do is put on my voice memo. That's it.

And send it by Monday at 12 o'clock, and they want two different takes. So I'm going to give them a dirty take and a clean take, you know. As I call it, one for them, one for me. The one for them is going to be to the book, to the book, no improvising. nothing like that. And the one for me, I already know how I'm going to do this one, is going to be close to the book.

I'm just going to give a color. That's what happens when you smoke some weed and you eat one of those Philly mushroom fucking gummies, you start giving shit color. So I'm looking at these voiceovers. And this is, like I said, this is a great fucking career for people. I'll give you an example.

Vincent Pestor. I'm not here to spread his fucking bullshit around because he's a great guy. He's been very good to me. I don't know. He did Shark Tail. He got a, and he never told me this. I just heard this, you know, he got whatever he gets to shoot a day,

$2,000 a day, $3,000 a day. And you shoot maybe three or four days, okay, and you move on, right? You guys are like Joey, that's not a lot of money. Well, $9,000, a lot of money, especially where I come from. But his residual check was $100,000, the first residual check. Now, that was 20 years ago. You still had to go into a studio, which I don't mind going into a studio, do a voiceover.

There's one camera on you, really, and whatever. So for years, this is a fucking minute I walked into LA in 97, people were like, hey, you got a great voice. Hey, you got a great voice. How come you should do voiceovers? First fucking people that ever contacted me in Los Angeles were fucking Sutton Barth and Vennari. 20 years ago, they were the biggest commercial, 25 years ago.

This is 25 years ago when I signed with them. They were huge. I mean, I got to LA January 29th, and I had signed with them by February 7th. Like, they saw me at the improv and said, We want you. And it doesn't matter. They signed me for commercials, print, and anything else.

But I asked them about voiceovers, and they were like, in time. And I didn't understand. I'm like, these motherfuckers, everybody tells me I got a great voice and blah, blah, blah, blah. But nobody ever talked to me. For years, you know, I took voiceover, classes, like intro to voiceover, like Tuesday nights for 60 bucks for eight weeks.

I took one of those. She taught me how to make a demo tape. You know, you go into a fucking thing and do the different voices that you do. Like, I'm a man of many voices. I got one fucking voice, you know. So you put down tape and then you send that out. And for years, nothing. So I kind of got discouraged.

I didn't know. I think nothing. I mean, guys, I can't even remember. I was thinking about this. I banged my head for like 30 minutes the other day. Nothing as a voiceover. Tons of commercial work. I'm very happy.

And then I did a movie American Gunn with James Colbert. And I was just telling the story the other day. James Corby got fucked up. It was a Sunday night shoot. We did that at this Bowen Alley on, oh, I was on Melrose. There was this famous Bowling Alley. I went in there one day to get French fries. They took me there in the afternoon.

I saw Janine Garoflo and Andy Dick been there playing fucking. I mean, it was like alternative comedian hangout. And they did comedy there. But one night when it was shooting a movie in the parking lot, I got a role in this fucking movie. Rick Pagano was the casting director. And there was a movie with James Coburn and fucking, you know, my time is 11 o'clock at night.

And they're like, you know what? We have no trailers. Do you mind just sitting in your car until you shoot? We'll get you out of here. Well, they didn't get me out of that. and at 4 in the morning they broke me for lunch I go fucking home and I get some ref and I bring it back to the fucking set

because they're like you're not going to shoot till like 7 in the morning I'm like what the fuck I don't understand movies back then it was like 2000 maybe 2001 and this is one of those stories that I'm going to tell you're going to go Joe you're lying to us but it's the truth because sometimes

you just get fucking blamed for conspiracy when I got back at 4 I had some fucking weed I smoked a joint in the parking lot and I sat in my car. At one point I said, you know what? I'm kind of thirsty. So I walked into the trailer where they had the food

and James Coburn sitting there with another dude and two chicks and they're drinking beers. I'll never forget James Coburn had arthritis in his hands the way he was holding his beer cups. I was just happy to be around them. I walk in.

Now I could tell that they just weren't smoking dope and drinking beer. But while I was in there getting water, one of the guys go, hey, you want to hit this joint. Now, James Coburn's shooting this fucking movie, and the other guy shooting this movie,

you know, I was trying to be fucking professional, but somebody, you know, do you want to smoke this joint? I go, you sure. So I take a hit of the joint right there, the fucking director walks in. And he sees me with the joint in the fucking hand. I give it back to the actor. I leave the day, how are you doing?

You're going to be up next. Okay, I go to my car. I do the scene. I give the gun to James Coburn. I sell it to him for 50 bucks. I'm just a fucking guy in a windbreaker. I go up to him. He says, you got it.

I got it. Thank you. And I walk away. That was my big scene with James Colbert. Three days later, my agent calls, and he goes, what happened on that fucking set last night? I go, what are he talking about? Nothing happened.

It was great. I shot my scene. It was a director said, you went home and got beer. I go, I don't drink. Why the fuck would I get beer and bring it to a set? I went home to get a fucking half a joint that I had. I was broke.

I got like a half a joint. I just wanted to do something that wasn't going to shoot right away. I was sitting there fucking sober all goddamn night. So I go, I get back and I go to the thing they got a water and James Coburn's in there. They're drinking beers and smoking dope at 4 30 in the fucking morning. I don't know what's going on. And he goes, well, the director said that when you walked out,

he looked at the table and there was Coke on the table. Did you see that? And I go, not at all. I didn't see shit. And he goes, well, they said that one of the actors was pretty hammered. And they thought that you were doing coke with him. I'm like, come on, Jeff. Come on, dog.

I party at night by myself, not with, on a set. I know, I can't even do it to get on stage. I knew all this shit at this time. And they were like, okay, like a week later, I got a call from fucking, whatever. And they go, that acting role got cut. You have to come and do paperwork to do a voice over fucking. So they took my fucking voice.

They cut me from the movie, and they just wanted to use my voice. That's the only fucking. time I got a voice over. And as creepy as that story sounds, I did not bring any cocaine on that set. You know how I know? Because I didn't even have the money for cocaine that night. I had nothing.

And I wouldn't bring Coke to a set if you know anything about me. So that was it. I thought my voiceover career came to a fucking end. But guess what happens? The podcast world. The podcast world just opened it up. So when I signed with the agent, Hey man, would you consider doing voiceovers?

I'm like, fuck, yeah. And I popped Big City Greens. And I thought when I pop Big City Greens, I'm like, it's over. That's it. Fuck, stand up. Fuck podcast. Those guys make like a half a million dollars a year. Those voiceover guys, they make good money and they're all the same.

Quiet. They drive economical cars. They really do. They buy, bro, call those dollars Rocky. All those do. I know those dudes for years. Those big voiceover guys, they're fucking,

they have tremendous careers, they don't leave their house, and some of them even have to go to the set. Some of them have to go to like a recording studio, and you could do whatever recording studio you want. Remember, it doesn't have to be like their recording studio. So for me, I got to go what?

Tell them how far the recording studio is. Three fucking minutes up the street. So, but the point being is that it took me. close to seriously, guys 25

fucking years to get a voiceover in comedy. 25 years in comedy, and I couldn't get a fucking voiceover. Was I starting to get the press? Listen, you can't always get what you want, you get what you need, but I was a little concerned, like Jesus Christ,

I can't get no voiceovers. Now, this is where it gets interesting for young comics, because it all comes together, and I never want you to get fucking discouraged about this. Nobody wants to fucking talk to you when you're just funny. What a shame.

What a shame that I have to tell young comics this when they ask me these type of questions that you could be a fucking hilarious feature act. Be right there on the cusp of the headlining. You're right on the fucking cusp of headlining. And all you need is something to push you over the fucking car. It could be a voiceover. it could be a role in a movie

it could be any of those fucking things like nobody really understands you're in that position you're on the you're on the fucking you're on tour with the foo fighters you know what I'm saying it don't get no better than that on the touring world

and you're he opens up Dave Grohl uses two opening acts to fucking open from the first year on tour with the foo fighters you were the first act. You went out there and got shit thrown at you. People told you you sucked.

You know, you slept, you smelled feet on the bus. You didn't get paid. The record label ain't paying you. This is fucking, you know, you're on salary. But then you got a call again from the footh fighters. And they want you to support on the second album. But now you're not the first band. You're the second band.

And you're the fucking, you do great, man. You do great. And then you did so great to start. calls call you and they want you to open up for them as the second band before us you know shit's starting to happen for you what pushes you over the headline like i remember seeing charro crow and she was there with somebody else i don't remember who it was she was fucking tremendous chero crow tremendous before she went up before and this is in boulder and six months later she came back headline and charged whatever she was charging a ticket and it was that fucking

Mountain, the Tuesday Night Music Club, you know, but you always need that. With comedy, you need that. You need that last push and you don't know what it is and it gets you so fucking frustrated. It's a three-year struggle to find what that is. For me, I thought it was going to be analyzed that. Then, you know, it was just the fucking one after the other. So you kind of get down on yourself and you're like, but once you cross that bridge to head. I could sit here and explain to you how you become a headliner, but it didn't happen for me. I mean, I don't even know. I started headlining.

But it was the longest yard that made people at least, Rogan comes in Thursday through Sunday. You come in on Wednesday and do headline, and then, you know, four people come see you because why would they pay $15 for you when they could pay $30 for Rogan and see you in Rogan? So it's very rough, but you're learning out a headline. But what my point is that nothing is really going to happen until you start selling tickets. I've said this before and I'll say this again.

Great things are going to happen in your career. They happen for me. I saw great things happening, but I couldn't figure out how to get people through the door. But I'll tell you, I could sit here and go, there's how it worked for me, this is how it worked for Ari. You know, I saw how it happened for Joe. I did all those shows with Joe in 98. when he was still wrapping up news radio and I saw him

just go to a different level with Fear Factor but it wasn't just Fear Factor he took his comedy to a different level also and that I still remember 4th of July one year where you know you needed radio

to sell tickets everybody always man if I could do a radio show I could sell out and there was no radio it was 4th of July weekend and fucking Rogan sold this motherfucker

And there was no podcast back then. It was his work on social media that eliminated all that. He didn't have to do radio ever again, you know, ever again. He hated it as a matter of fact. But my point is, don't get discouraged, guys, because, you know, they're not going to call you. Now I get calls for voiceovers. Now, like this week I'm laying a voiceover done. Guys, this is the voiceover I wanted all my life.

How long have I been in the business? 32 years. I'm not the star of the show and anything like that. This is just a character in a fucking ensemble with a comedy ensemble. I think I'm a fucking cougar

or something like that. Not a broad cougar that fucks, you know, not one of those cougas. But a regular crazy cougar, that's a thief. It's a recurring. That means you'll do an episode a week

for whatever, 13 episodes, whatever they do. Guys, I've been looking for that role since I moved to fuck in LA. It took 20, 55 fucking years. 25 out of 32 years of doing comedy

or being involved with comedy. How's that one for you? So I get all these emails about, you know, Sal and I get Nick. They're all my Patreon guys and they're always talking about little stand-up things. And I'm like, listen, guys, it's this easy. But I also want you to understand

this was the problem. This is what happened to Lee in L.A. Okay? You guys are listening to Tom Seguro. You guys listen to Bert Kreisher. You guys are listening to Theo Vaughn. They're all great headliners. But by you listening to them and being involved in their life, you want more for your career.

And I understand. But you're not there yet. It's going to take some time. And I don't ever want your feelings to get hurt. If you ever have a problem as a young comic, email Lee on Twitter and say, Lee, what was it like being, when you're an open micer, hang out with open mic. I'm sure you want to hang out with Whitney Cummings. I'm sure you want to hang out with Burke Chrys. But what are the chances of that right off the fucking bat

until you earn a name or somebody talks about you? Because remember, you got to be... What's that old expression? You've got to be noticed before you can be seen. I don't fucking know what it is. But there's steps to this thing. Don't get fucking down on yourself at all. They might not want to talk to you now,

but guess what, bitch. If you do the work, they're going to want to talk to you in 10 years. And that's all you fucking need to know. And how do I know that? Because I'm fucking living it. I couldn't get arrested for a voiceover. But guess what happened? My friends started doing shows.

The most notable one was Duncan Trussell. Duncan Trussell put me on fucking six of those episodes. So all of a sudden they let my agent know, holy shit. This fucking guy is voice. So now they get me more stuff for voiceover work. But it took time, guys. So don't sit there cursing everybody. because your career isn't going as fast as you wanted to go.

Put the time in, slow it down a little bit, think about what you're doing, write it out. And man, it's not a fucking, it's not a race. It's a fucking marathon. That's all the fucking advice I give you as a stand-up comic that you're funny, stick with it, believe in yourself. And this is for anybody. We discuss how it would be with a band, right?

What would it be for a band? Three tours, four tours. You want a headline. But now, fucking, who called you? Allison Chains called you, and they want you to go on tour. And you're like, fuck, we want to do our own headlining tour. But now Allison Chains called me at beginning. But you know what?

That tour with Allison Chains is going to teach you something else. It's going to add something else to your fucking resume. You know, when I work with Byrd or Joe, or when I used to open for Paul Rodriguez, any of those guys. I always learned a little something, but that's not what we're talking about here. What we're talking about is waiting for your turn on the fucking food chain.

Wait for it. You're notched. You have to get into that food chain and then move up. You ever watch those shows? Oh, oh, and they hit hammers, and then it moves down and you hit the conveyor belt.

Let's just get on the conveyor belt. And then every like 10 notches, it's like when you go to Vegas and black or whatever, It falls on either one if you don't, but every 10 notches, you'll fall into the notch. Headline, this, that, it's going to happen. But don't want it too soon.

Just because you're doing comedy for three years and you did 30 minutes the other night at the local bar and a bunch of drunks gave you a standing ovation, don't mean you're ready for dick, guys. It takes a lot more than that. It takes time. So always remember, it's not a fucking race to the finish. It's a fucking journey.

And you don't know. You just don't know. Like right now, I don't know. But I'm having fucking fun. I'm looking forward to my next date in New York. I'm looking forward to Philadelphia. I'm looking forward for this pilot I'm going to shoot because I slowed it down a little bit. And I'm more fucking enthusiastic than fucking ever.

Cuckuckers. And it's Monday to 26th of fucking September. We're already, dog, I still remember getting COVID in fucking December. Still remember shit. I can't. believe this fucking year has flown and because this year is flying, listen Coxuckers, time don't wait for nobody.

It's fucking ticking. That war is still on and you're still fucking thinking about your next career move. Tip Top McGoo, Coxuckers, it's the final quarter and now it becomes a fucking race to see how you can close out this year to set you up for

2023. And that's it and that's that, Coxuckers. It's going to be a fucking great week. Monday night football tonight and that's it. I love your motherfuckers I'll be back Wednesday to 28th and we'll chit chat some more shit take my advice to heart

if you're thinking about getting married give me a shot what do you got to fucking lose just don't have no kids so the divorce is easy you take the iron she takes the Subaru you know what I'm saying I love your cock suckers and now for a word for my motherfucking sponsors Jack

all right you bad motherfuckers thank you for having my back today it was fun it was fun doing the podcast today but fuck fun the joint is brought to you by express VPN listen people are watching you you want to go out into the dark web and see while the other side lives you know your uncle joey only recommends brands that I believe in and that's why when I say express VPN is the best it's the fucking bet express VPN doesn't log your activity online lots of free VPN make money by selling your data not ExpressVPN ExpressVPN is always blazing fan

and lets me stream videos in HD. That's why C&ET, Business Insider, and the motherfucking birge, all rate ExpressVPN, the number one VPN in the world. I use ExpressVPN whenever I'm in a hotel. I love ExpressVPN because it gives you peace of mind, knowing that my data is secure.

Right now, go to ExpressVPN.com slash Joey, and I'm going to get you an extra three months on a one-year package. that's expressvpn.com slash joey the joint is also brought to you by draft kings listen draft kings is on fire right now you bet five hours on any football team

you get 200 and free bets and what you do is that's your bank roll you take that money you bet prop bets you could bet side bets who scores first and that's where the money is at on draft kings you also has same game parlase the more legs you bet

the more cash you win. Do me a favor. Download the Draft King Sportsbook app. Right now, use promo code Joey and get 200 free bets if your team wins. You plays $5 on a football team. Football ain't you. We got the baseball playoffs coming up, cock suckers,

and these are going to be smoking this year. So again, that's code Joey. When you download the Draft King's Sportsbook app or you download the Draft King's Fantasy app, Draft King's Sportsbook is the official sports betting partner of the NFL. minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply see show notes for details

now go to draft kings right now download it and let's win some motherfucking money to join us also you brought to you by freeze pipe how much do I like freeze pipe listen I just busted out the 2023 bubbler oh my fucking god it's beautiful you freeze the little wing of it

when you're ready to fucking see the devil you pull it out of the freezer you pack that motherfucker up and you hit it like a savage that you are Yum, yum, eat them up. The hot smoke passes through the frozen part, down, cooling down the smoke as you inhale. I love their products.

I take it outside. I see the fucking devil quickly. Freeze pipe is non-toxic, and it freezes faster than water and stays frozen longer. Freeze pipe cools down the smoke by hundreds of degrees. Now freeze pipe is even better because they've updated their bong. So you have sixth independent freezing call, which means the fucking air.

is like fucking warm Buddha air. You know what I'm saying? It's like, it's like, what's those people? Buddhist there. They're nice. Your Uncle Joey's taking care of you.

Go to the freezepipe.com. Pressing code Joey and save 10% on your first order. You're going to love it. Get yourself a new bong, a pipe, or a bubbler. That's the freezepipe.

com. Pressing code Joey to save 10%. I want to thank Draft Kings Freeze Pipe Joint VPN Express and you savages for having my back i'll see you wednesday tip top magoo