The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #201 - Joey Diaz, Billy Corben and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: August 5, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by Director Billy Corben to talk about south florida, the KKK cop and much more. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a discount Music:  Biggie Smalls - Warning Tony Bennett - I Wanna Be Around Aerosmith - Last Child Recorded on 08/05/2014.

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And at checkout, use code word Joey's Church, J-O-E-1. Y-S church for a discount. Kick that motherfucker Lee. What? What? What? Oh shit. Oh shit.

Oh shit. You thought I left your fucking hanging. I'm sorry. My asshole was on fire yesterday. The guests got sick. Fuck it. Who the fuck is this? It's Tuesday, motherfuckers.

August 5th. The day the devil got a coloscopy from fucking Jesus with a black dick. That's right, motherfuckers. is dead. Christianity is alive and fucking well. Not in my house, maybe in your fucking house. The only church I belong to is the church, motherfuckers. Kick it leave. Oh shit. Watch that muffler. Salute the fucking flag. You're an American bitch. What? If this ain't going through your fucking heart while you're driving today doing your thing, give it up. What's up, baby? Nothing.

Where the fuck you've been? You're bleeding from your mouth. What happened this morning? You came in here all discombobulated? No. Somebody pulled your hair outside on the side, then you came in here bleeding, what happened? I know. I must have fucking been flossing too hard.

So you floss in the morning, too? I try to. I'm not good at it. I mean... I'm looking at you and I'm seeing it. Was that red peppers in his fucking teeth? No. And he'd blow a red guy?

What happened to my brother? I'm going to have to check when I get home and see if I have to go to the dentist. Did you cut it? I must have. I went in the back and it was bleeding a little bit. But, I mean, I'm fine. You're as tough as fucking nails.

I bleed all the time. Who gives a fuck? Puss, bleed. Teeth fall out. Who gives a fuck? What's happening? Beautiful people? The Churchill was happening.

Now we're here. Sorry by yesterday. As you people know, I got a colonoscopy. Thank you for all your wishes and for asking and for sending love. And then last night, the fucking guest canceled at like 10 to 6.

He was sick. He's been sick for a while. I was going to get this acting guy and he coached me through, analyze that. His name is Jimmy the. He's running the actor's studio now in Hollywood. He's a fucking great guy from, I think he's from the island or something.

I've known him for like 15 years, and he got sick. So we were left in a bind. I didn't want to give you guys a 50% podcast. I wasn't up to par to fucking anesthesia. Want me to tell you something, man? What happened? I never realized this. Yesterday they wouldn't let me.

Lee drove me down. I want to thank Lee for picking me up at 5.30. Of course. To, you know, anybody. People always want to pick you up when you get something in your ass. You know what I'm saying? If you call somebody and go, I got to go ahead and now fuck you. No, no, no, no.

I got to go to this place. I'm going to stick a camera up my ass. No shit, I'll be there at 515, you know. Lee was outside ready to laugh and giggle. He had to blog you with him. I was going to say, if they would have let us in into a podcast, that would have been the number one podcast ever recorded. Oh, my God, I fucking fainted.

I fainted when they put the IV in my hand because I hadn't eaten for 24 hours. I went in there, and I was thinking about it. And it was warm in there, and they put the fucking thing in, and the needle shone. I mean, it didn't even fucking hurt. Just the thought of it. Your mind is a fucked up thing.

And it's just the thought of it gave me. I always go into these skunk sweats. Like I feel sweat all open. It's like a light layer of mist that just comes out of me when I'm about to faint or whatever. I didn't faint. I had Santana on the iPod. But besides that, I got to tell you, man, it wasn't a bad experience at all.

I have gone on the internet on like Wednesday or Monday or something and checked out different diets up to it and what I should do and I listened to some of them. But the main thing I didn't listen to was the fear part. People were already saying, you know, that the stuff to drink is terrible. It's amazing when you let people get into your head. It's like anything else. It's like being at home for dinner with your family and going,

you know what, tonight I'm going to go down to the local thing. I'm going to get on stage and say poetry. Why would you want to do something like that? Don't you know that sucks? You know, and it's so weird how sometimes you let the negative comments affect you, but sometimes you just steam right through it. Like I thought the drink, you have to drink a potion 24 hours before they stick the camera up your asshole because it cleans out your colon. But everybody said the thing was very tough to drink. And I was a little apprehensive

because I don't like taste. Like I don't drink milk because of the taste. I don't like vegetables because of the taste. Texture and taste have destroyed me. You know, the Doche Diet is a great diet. I see people losing weight with it all the time. I just don't like a lot. those things. You know, I don't like tofu, the texture of tofu. I don't like a lot of that shit. Yeah. And even my dad was working when I called him and told him, he was like, oh, that

thing is terrible, it doesn't taste good, and then when I picked you up, you're like, eh. Listen, nothing fucking tastes good, but this was clear. Number one, this was clear, which really helped a lot. Because I thought it was going to be like milk of fucking magnesium with a weird taste.

But it was clear. My wife put two packages of crystal lighten it, lemon lime, and a little bit of water, I think. You're supposed to dilute it. And, guys, I put a straw in it, so it only hits the back of your throat. That's what a lot of people said make it very cold. And I put the straw back in, I just started chugging. And every chug, I did it every glass in three chugs.

And it's crazy because the first time I thought my ass all was just going to blow up and there's blood on the walls and intestines and shit. It didn't happen for about an hour. And then it was like a slow, every 20 minutes, I'd have to shit. But I had to be careful. Because I couldn't make a laugh or couldn't make everything. It was right there. It was coming right out.

You know, it was the whole time. But I got to tell you, I'm happy I did it. I'm happy I did it because it does save lives. And a lot of people reached out and said that, you know, they had a relative who had it saved their life. So thank you very much. You know, last night a lot of people were mad. You said that somebody said to you that you shouldn't treat our fans like that. First of all, if somebody listens to this show and thinks they're a fan of the show,

Don't listen to the show no more, man. Do me a favor. I don't want no fans. We're a network, and we understand each other. Last night, Lee and I went to meet with somebody at like 6.30, and the guy wouldn't shut the fuck up. So by the time we realized it was 8 o'clock, it was too late to tweet. But when I got home, I tweeted, I'm sorry if you people made plans around it,

but sometimes, you know, the guests, I want to give you guys the best possible podcast I can. So I'm sorry, and we're going to start the week off on the right, fucking footly. I got up at 2 in the morning by mistake. I went to pee. I stayed in bed like 30 minutes and I couldn't do it no more. I got up, made a little coffee. I even hit the pipe this morning. At 3 in the morning outside of my

balcony, I was coughing. I was coughing and shit. I'm like, what the fucking neighbors think? That you're living like a doctor? I'm living like a fucking doctor. What happened with you yesterday at the movie theater? You went to see James Brown? Yeah, which was really freaking amazing. When did the movie come out? Friday? I think so. And it was, the theater was an one o'clock

show. It was a 1 o'clock. It was one of the first times I I mean I had heard about him but I know you liked him I know you showed Rogan that one video that one time on his podcast but I I knew his music but I didn't really know that much about him so it was really good and Chadwick Bowesman did a great job

that guy but it's there's something like do you have anything about you that you I hate to use this I don't like to use this word but I hate about yourself always it's just everything yeah and I've always been I don't know if it's because I was chubby or I think it's just my personality I don't like confrontation

and I don't like I'm not good at standing up for myself I was I was never I bullied bullied overreuse now I had bullies but it wasn't I think I had a happy childhood but I don't like

when people take advantage or people say something and I always I'm always the one in my head, I'm thinking of 8,000 things later that day to say, but I never say it in the moment. So this one guy sat down and was just an asshole making noise with the popcorn. I wish I'd said something. But what really got to me was, and I hate that, it stinks that it got to me. But there's a few people on Twitter who, and I see you mess with them, and that's what I would

love to do. It's the people who say stuff, I think it's just to piss you off. But, like, just said it's some evil stuff. Like when I was, I was just mad that they were sitting. So I tweeted about it because I don't know, I'm an idiot. But they're like, get off your fat ass. I'm like, who would, would you say that to someone in public? Like, it's just, that's not part of me at all.

And it, like, I wanted to say something, but then I didn't want to get into war with them. This morning, when I came in here, you said to me, as a joke, we were giggling, you said we should get the earphones with the mouthpiece on it. Yeah. And I replied, we're going to be too full. fat fucks with looking like water. Two fat fucking astronauts, you know? Did I mean that with malice?

No. Did I hurt your feelings when I said that? No. It's the way people say things. Yeah. It's not how you say it's the way people say things. I'm guilty of it also sometimes without realizing, but you got to understand. I'm saying it to you with love as a goof.

Yeah. I don't mind fucking around with people. But if I don't know you, don't cross that fucking line. Right. Because I never cross it. I was raised never to cross that line. So I would never cross that line. When I first got the longest yard,

and I went out on the road after the longest yard, the things people said to me were mind-bogglingly. They said things to me that didn't even want me to, I didn't want to go on the road anymore. They said, is it in public? In public. Like, to be cute in front of their girlfriends or to test themselves. those people I look at and I

fucking pray for. When we were in Vegas, somebody made a comment. Some jerk off got on the line. And remember he got next to me? He goes, this is the first time I've been close to this, a Mexican. Yeah, yeah. Remember that guy? I wanted to smack him in the mouth. But I prayed for him. All you could do as he walks away and say, you know what?

I hope you don't run into somebody who doesn't understand. Yeah. And that's going to happen for one of those jerkoffs. Those are the people that you walk out of a barn, they're on the floor. And their girlfriend's going, you're an asshole to the guy and the guy's bleeding from his mouth and he's passed out, that's that guy. That's that guy that goes over borders.

There's always people that. There's a line. There's a line of those are the people that weren't accepting, and they try to be cute in front of their girlfriends. I see it all the time. I see it once a month. I walk out of somewhere. I'm in a comedy club, and there's a circle,

and there's a guy on the fucking floor bleeding. And the girlfriend, he didn't say nothing. He didn't mean it. Yes, he did. He thought he was cute, and that's what happens after 10 o'clock. on Twitter you have this I don't need to you don't know what my face looks like

Yeah You know what if you want to call me out And I go to your page and you have a real page I will Look for the reason why you would say something like that And I will say something and push And then you'll push back the joke You know I love you okay

But there's people who just get on I don't understand those people I don't understand who would wake up in the morning And go you know what today I'm gonna set up a fucking I'm gonna set up a face Twitter page and I'm going to call Dana Bullfuck. I'm going to call Joe. I'm going to call

a bullfuck. I'm going to call Diaz a fat fuck. I'm going to call Leah Jew. I never understood that. I never understood that. Those are the things I don't comprehend. But that's our society today. There's people who think they're cute. Somebody sent a tread to me the other day from Reddit. And it's amazing. People said that we're misogynist. I'm a misogynist. That it's the church of what's happening now, but I always talk about the past.

The reason why I talk about the past on this show, Lee, the reason why I tell a story every episode is because I feel, you know, I have this thing. I'm very insecure. And growing up, I was very insecure. And after my mother, from the ages of 28 to 30, I was a ball of insecurity. And we all are. We don't know what our next move is.

We don't know. You know, there's some people who know. But 60% of us, if you're listening to this fucking podcast, you were one of those people that you were a little scared. Maybe you didn't know what you. you want to do and you were confused. And I was one of those people that was very, very fucking insecure. I think you have it all.

So, you know, you walk into a room. I don't like that feeling. That's what I don't like. And after I feel insecure about some, I look at what's going on. I go, you know what? Fuck these motherfuckers. Nobody's better than me in this fucking room. And I tell these stories.

I tell the stories about me waking up next to a piece of shit. I tell the stories of me robbing people or me stealing the fuck change jar you think I like telling those stories you think anybody else would have the honesty to tell those stories on the air but I want you to understand that people could change that is what I talk about in this thing that we're not fucked up we just going through a bad fucking spell we change and you evolve as a human being as you if you don't you're a fucking idiot if you don't fucking evolve as a so you know when I see those people on Twitter that send I don't know if it's an insecurity I don't know if it's their thing all you could do is

just look up and go whatever God, Hindu, black, whatever, just watch over. And that's what I always do. And know everyone always says take the high road, but just like, and not even them personally. But like, okay, I was at the gym and I was, I was at the bench taking stuff out of my bag in front of a locker. And this guy just smoothed in and kind of took the locker from me. And it's not a big thing. I just got another locker. But like, I wanted to be like, I'd be like, hey man.

that's my locker. Like, that's not even a big thing to say at all, and it probably wouldn't have even been a fight. But it's, I don't like in myself that I'm, I don't know if it's shyness or insecure. I don't know what it is, and I don't know what, I don't know exactly what to do to fix it.

Say something. Oh, it makes me so nervous. Say something, and you'll get it over with it. And don't say, call the guy in ass or just go, excuse me, that's my locker, bro. You know, or excuse me, sir. and you stop with the popcorn I'm trying to watch a movie

you know Yeah I would love to I would love to see that I don't understand First off again You're at a movie theater The movie theater is empty Where do these two jerk off sit

I see the way for me Yeah you understand me These are you gotta look at those motherfuckers And go are you fucking retarded There's a huge theater And your two seats from me That's what I hate when they go to restaurants too You go to a restaurant to host

Since people on top you The restaurant's empty Get these fucking people away from me Right I want to spread out Maybe there's three of them of us here and we're talking about eating pussy and stabbing a bitch and I got this fucking guy family of kids next to me now we got to sit here like fucking mute because you you don't

want the way to go from one end to the other fuck him fuck him that's his fucking job you know yeah it's uh lee say something say something I had the same problem when I first got here I had the same fucking problem and I wouldn't say nothing for two reasons I didn't want nobody to think I was a bad guy and my addiction I didn't want nobody to fuck up my addiction and then one day I started talking and then when I got off the addiction I started talking and now they don't like me. But when I open my mouth, it's because I'm protecting myself. I'm not opening my mouth to be a jerk off.

I'm opening my mouth to say, hey, enough. Yeah. Whatever the fuck you think you're doing, you're not going to do. I'm not opening my mouth to fight nobody. I'm an old man. I got problems. I've been in prison. I don't want to fight nobody.

I don't have time for that shit. But you do have your space in this life, and that's all you have. You know, we were talking earlier about these people now that everybody is taking sides. We live in a society where it's cool to take sides or it's cool to open up your mouth without really knowing what's going the fuck on. And I was very scared when I got to L.A.

I was insecure again. I was a young comic. I wanted to do well. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be likable. So for years, people said shit, and I didn't say nothing. One night I was at the store

and I walked back there and some comedian, Wild Willie Parsons brought me up and he said something about me. Till this day, I think about it. I should have said something to him. But you know what? Where's Wild Willie Parsons

today. He's fucking irrelevant. Yeah. So it doesn't really fucking matter what he said or what he didn't fucking say. You know, to this day, I love to fucking punch him in the fucking head, those old style comics. But, you know what? I took the fucking high road. And I looked at him and I put it in God's hands and I'm still here.

What the fuck is he? Yeah. What was the last TV show he did? What was the last fucking reality show he did? What was the last anything he fucking did? So you follow me? When you call somebody out like that, maybe you should think about yourself. What the fuck you're doing? But at least say something.

Say something that doesn't have to be in a bad way. Just please say something. So you make yourself feel better. You know, when I went to go to the colonoscopy, today I got to drive down to Jiu-Jitsu. I'm going down to where we were yesterday, peer around there on Wilshire, to go to Regan Machadoos at 10 o'clock.

Ask me if I want to go there. How long do you know me? I don't even like driving to the fucking store. But it's time, you know, it's time to get out of your fucking comfort zone. Yeah. You know, sometimes you have to get, so I'm going to go down there. I also called them for spots at the comedy store this week. You know, Tommy got fired from the comedy store.

It's been a big deal around town. I didn't give a fuck that Tommy got fired or not. You know, I just want to, I know there's something missing from my life. I know that during the week I only do spots like I'll drop in the flappers or on Wednesdays I'll go to the ha-ha. And not to put the ha-ha down or to put flappers down. You know, Bill Burr's at the store. Mark Marron's at the store.

store, Ari's at the store, you know, Sebastian Menacalco's at the store. There's all these comics, and that's the A League. And if you want to play in the A League, that's where I have to go. It's my home. That's where I developed as a comic. That's where I fucked myself up and made myself a man. So I'm going to go back this weekend and do some spots. You know, somebody called me for a weekend fallout, so I'm going to wait today and see. And I just called in for Wednesday and Thursday because I had the podcast and I didn't know about tonight. I might even go down tonight if I have nothing to do just to see it say hello and whatever because you know I'm not going to sit here and preach going out of your comfort zone then I don't do it myself yeah and I thought

about it yesterday when I hung up with Higgen Machado I go what am I thinking going down the class down there and I go it's time to get out of my fucking comfort zone I don't have much going on today I wrote this morning I'm going to go down there uh fucking go to jihitsu come back wash my pussy go to acupuncture and take it to the park yeah that's my fucking day today no that's it's It's, you've been on me to go to a class at the gym now, and part of it is that I... You're shy. You're not fucking, you're not tip-top shit. You think you're going to have to leave after 30 minutes?

Perfect. Yeah. Just walk into the class. If it starts at 8.15, look at the clock and go, if I make it to 8.30 today, I'm good. And then when you go next week, some chicks are going to come out to you and go, hey, man, what happened to you last week? Were you okay? And you go, you know, I wasn't in shape. My calf was bothering me.

I got a cramp. I didn't drink enough. Whatever you have to say, but you keep going. Yeah. And you keep trying them, and you may not like it. I belong to the Y. I've taken simple stretch at the Y. I've taken... Simple stretch. I've taken all the yogas. I've taken Tai Chi at the Y.

I've taken the cardio fit at the Y. I take the spin class at the Y. I've broken it up over the years. I don't go anymore because I like the teachers. Like there was a one spin teacher that her husband was a kickboxing. So half her workout was kicking. And then she put you on the bike and really... run your legs. She left.

And then I had the chick who called in here. I forget what her name is off the bat. She was a great yoga teacher. Then she left, you know, so you get accustomed to the teachers. Now I'm dying to go back to the wider class. I went Saturday and took mercy swimming and my wife did the

yoga. Well, I took mercy swimming. I don't know if I told you about that. What a fucking day that was. Oh, wow. No, you didn't. A lot of fucking kids in that goddamn class. Yeah, it's just my whole personality is is to kind of not be seen, I guess. Like, I always go to the back of the ellipticals.

I just, I'm not, I'm not the big out there kind of guy. So to go into the class, I wouldn't even know where to stand. You're going to the back of the fucking class. It's stupid things to think about. And you watch. But it's, yeah. What I do. And as you get better, you move up because then people are coming after you

and they're going to go to the back of the class. And then you move up and now they start watching you. It's a fucking evolutionally. Yeah. Don't ever be embarrassed about taking you. carry yourself. Don't ever be in back. You're going to be surprised

how many people are going to be very supported. Oh, everyone's been great at the gym. Everybody. Everybody. Listen, when you're talking about health now and what's people going through, everybody wants you to succeed when you go to a gym.

It's the weirdest fucking thing. You know, you were asking me, man, you're going more and more to the Jitua now. You know what? Everybody wants me to succeed. Even though they know I'm fucking horrible. I'm horrible.

It doesn't matter. If I don't keep going, This is anything. If I don't keep showing what I talk on this fucking podcast with you is garbage. What I talk on the Rogan podcast is garbage. This is what I truly feel in my heart. So for me to get better at Jiu-Jitsu, and it's not even about the Jiu-Jitsu for me. It's about getting healthy.

It's about getting, you know, my blood moving. It's about just moving around, sweating, you know, and just getting the fuck out of here. Not having comedy on my mind all the time. I hate when I have comedy on my mind all the time because then nothing gets accomplished. I can't write. I can't do nothing. It's when I'm loose that I can fucking write. Last night I tried to write the whole story about the colonoscopy.

And there was maybe two or three funny fucking things. They give you pictures of your asshole to take home and look at them in your colon. And you're like, why do I want to look at pictures? You can bring them in? No, I didn't bring them in. I'm not taking those out of the house. I think I ripped them up. Why would they give you a picture of your asshole?

Like they show it from the beginning and how tight. My little asshole's tight. That motherfucker was tight. That thing, that thing is waterproof. You can't get a drip of fucking water in there, wind. You know how some roofs have like a little gap? Nothing. You could see it was smeared, like it was spun around.

Like it didn't want, it knew something was coming in there. It circled that motherfucker. You keep it in your wallet. When people are showing pictures of the kids, you can be like, look at this asshole. I know. Look at me. Cracking Funnies today. But no, you know, I tried to write it out last night and think of funny experiences.

And that really wasn't nothing funny about it, you know? I mean, but that was funny. They give you pictures of your asshole. They give you pictures of your colon. They show you what a fucking, what were your little thing? Because they pulled out three little things, but they were all benign. There were nothing. They were just little.

Oh, so you got the results? It's everything fine. Yeah, they'll call me today with the thing. The guy goes, no, there's nothing there. You wanted me to eat a more high fiber diet? Yeah. Because I want you to eat a little bit more lettuce. But he goes, it looks good for a fat guy.

He goes for a big guy, usually guys, your size come in here. They got all that Burger King residue on there. asshole and, you know, fish and chips and fucking fast food and nachos and burritos. Because you didn't have that. And I told them, I don't eat fast food. I go, I really don't eat any fast food at all, you know. I'm sure, I don't even know why I'm asking you this. But since I've been eating healthier, I find I'm shitting less.

Am I doing something wrong? Should I be, I'm trying to eat more fiber, but like, is. What am I the ass, Doc? I don't know, but I mean, I figure I look at you, he probably takes good shits. You're eating smaller meals. Yeah. So you're not going to take those horse shits that you usually do eat. Okay.

You know, I was getting worried. Like, I just like, not that much. If you're eating fucking eight ounces of food instead of what were you eating before, 92 pounds of food, it condenses. You're going to be on the toilet for a while. But you cut your diet in half. So obviously, you don't have to sit, you know, you cut all your time in half. You don't have to sit there. God forbid we talk about shit on the podcast.

People get madness. Don't talk about it was a beautiful podcast that you brought up a far. So what you got to do. It's a way of life. Well, you don't know what you don't fart cock out. Lee Syedico looking good this fucking. morning on a Tuesday morning again we're sorry about yesterday I know your people

were sitting around going Joey it's fucking Monday what's crack a lack in here we can't get rid of the devil I had now was yesterday we couldn't do the podcast in the morning that was wild man and I felt bad I really did I like Monday morning yeah me too I fucking love getting up and love yelling and love

listen to fucking music where's the music play something for me play a little fucking aerosmith for me something I know you got something oh shit we forgot that's right we forget we'll do it I play the thing this morning also. I play a yes that played this morning. Oh shit. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart some somebody twice as smart as I tremendous movie.

Yeah, you were telling me. And it was more than just a movie for me. It was like fucking some symbolism. Something happened the other night. What made this the colonoscopy easier was, one, my friend Jim Handy. I'm going to give him a shot. A shout out. He's recovering from cancer.

I don't think it's ass cancer. It's just a regular. He's getting chemo done right now. Jesus. The main reason why I did this and what made it easier is I could say, well, the people want, you know, I listen to the podcast. A lot of people email me. Thank you for those. But what made it a lot easier was

my friend Marilyn Martinez passed in 2007. She was the one that, about a week or two before I quit doing blow. She was the one that looked me in the eye and said, Joey, you have to stop doing blow. And she died in 2007 at her fucking remembrance. I went fucking crazy on Jeff Valdez

and was going to choke him. They did it right up. But she got to come. colon cancer so it made it easier for me to take the test now I'm a big Peter Sellers fan one of my biggest comedy influences is the Pink Panther with Peter Sellers I love those movies I love the physical comedy I love his faces she always told me that being there was his best movie being there is his best movie you got to watch you got to watch it so last week if it's not fucking on Sundance being there and I tape it and Saturday night or Sunday and the day

time we started watching it. I had nowhere to go. I had to sit there. So I started watching it. And it was Peter Sellers. He's like a gardener and his boss dies and nobody really knows who he is and blah, blah, blah. And then he gets hit by a car by Shirley McLean. They throw him out of the house and he gets hit by a car. She brings him home and her husband's filthy rich and introduces him to the president of the United States. And it just goes on and on and on. But you know those movies? that you watch and you'll keep asking yourself, why the fuck am I watching this? Yeah.

You ever have those movies? Are you like, why the fuck am I watching this movie? All the time, but you just can't turn it off? Some movies I'll turn the fuck off. This one, I kept watching it going. I wonder where this is fucking going. Sure enough, it takes me deeper and deeper, and then I don't want to give up the plot.

I don't want to be that guy. All I want to say is the fucking ending blew my mind. it was one of the strongest endings that I had ever seen in a film and first off, his performance was fucking extraordinary

because I had never seen him do anything. Well, I've seen him do one movie where it was an early Peter Seller's movie. I don't know what the name of it is but I watched him do this and it was just

fucking amazingly to see this guy not be funny he was not funny he was charming when he would laugh he was charming but he wasn't funny was it was it like when was it to take you out of it at all at the beginning because sometimes did it take you out of it because sometimes if a comedic actor tries to do a dramatic role like you just can't see it sometimes no I saw it I followed him the whole way he was that captivating that I followed him the whole way and it had such an ending that I sat there for what happened was you have to do the the medicine they give you that

to clean you out. You have to do it five in the afternoon. So I went to bed at nine. I got up at two, and I drank the other half. You have to drink two bottles. So after two, you're not going to go to bed because that's where the shit really starts coming on. So I watched it at two. I put it on a two and drank a cup of coffee.

Because four hours before the procedure, you can't drink any liquid. So I just drank coffee from 2 to 230. And then I watched this film. And it was amazing that that's when I decided to call Marilyn. I was so called Maryland. That's when I decided to call the store. I've always said that for you to grow as a writer, as whatever, that you have to be entertained.

Sometimes when I'm stuck writing comedy, or I'm stuck in my personal life or something's bothering me, I try to get entertained. Sometimes it works, whether it's music, whether it's self-music I put on or something. This was something that hit me out of completely left field. So it entertained me so much. I said, let me know what I wanted to do.

Whatever confusion I had, Sunday night, I don't know why. I don't even know if I should tell people that's that you're going to think I'm fucking crazy. I'm not crazy. Whatever hang-ups I had at that minute before the, is the phone ring? No, not yet.

I got my man, Billy Corbyn calling today. We're going to talk about the KKK cops in Miami and other things. I have an idea for Billy fucking Corbyn at a day in Miami. But it's amazing that everything came into perspective of 40 or 8 in the morning. I don't know if this ever happened to anybody. You're walking around,

maybe a job, maybe a relationship, maybe a decision you have to make, and you're having a hard time making it and then doing something stupid or seeing something, just looking outside yourself for five minutes makes you make that decision. Watching that... Now we've got a call.

I'm sorry. What's happening, beautiful? Good morning. Good morning to you, my little fucking ball of knowledge. What's happening? It's Ebola, though, but if my eyes start bleeding during the show, I might have to call an ambulance. Okay, you do what you need to do. Can you fucking believe they're bringing those Ebola people back here?

Is that fucking crazy, or is it me? Well, first of all, the first thing that's crazy is, apparently there's a secret serum. There's like a cure that, like, they've let 800-plus people die in Africa since February, but all of a sudden, two white dudes, two missionaries in Liberia get it, and there's a cure. All of a sudden they send like this this secret serum down there. Like, I'm not one of these conspiracy guys,

nor am I the type of guy that sees, like, racism everywhere. You know, oh, that's racism. But what else could explain it? It's like it's the cure that when white people get it, they've been holding out? Like, I don't understand. That's fucking amazing. And that's why they bring them back, because they're giving them the serum first, I think.

So they're like flushing them out, you know, know, before they even shipped them back here. But I thought the whole point of, like, you know, of, of separating people with a disease and without, you know, the whole, the whole concept of that was like, if you have a country that doesn't have the disease, why would you voluntarily introduce it into the country? Like, so far, America's been clean, right? I mean, we've been okay. And now we're going to bring fly people over who have the.

the disease. It seems rather misguided. I will agree with you. No, it's fucking crazy. What's been going on in your world? Last week you called me, you were guest hosting a radio show. You always doing something, Billy. Yeah, you know, it's funny. I don't know if you remember this dude. Rick Sanchez, he was like a broadcast legend in Miami. They were part of the big movement that changed local news into the, if it bleeds, it leads mentality into that era. So his station was revolutionary, if you could call it that, in that form of shock, jock, local news. And he was like the Howard Stern of that local news era.

And he goes national, as a lot of the talent in Miami does eventually. I think he went to MSNBC. Then he went to CNN. Then he made some pretty famous remarks referencing Jews in the media. in like, because John Stewart was making fun of him on the Daily Show, which I would think would be an honor for any newsman or a news person. And so he makes some remarks, and the next thing you know, he gets shit-canned. He gets fired from his CNN gig, and now he's back in Miami.

He's doing this local radio show, and he just started like this spanglish language, like local news comedy type of show, almost his own daily show, or however you say Daily Show in Español. And so he has this show, and it's slightly, I'm going to say, like, right-leaning. It's a little bit conservative because he's on the same network, radio station in Miami that like, excuse me, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh are on. And so I kind of was asked to guest-host it, and I wanted to bring it back a little bit more to the center, you know, to kind of have a little bit more of a drop some knowledge and talk to some people who have,

different views than you would typically hear in the two hours before they have Rush Limbaugh on. So we talked about same-sex marriage. We talked about when you were on medical marijuana, maybe some things that they don't necessarily hear about on that show. And I'm pretty, I didn't want to ever get invited back on again. So I was like, let's just, let's just drop truth bombs all over this show for three days while I was guest hosting it. And that's what you did. You always deliver. You always deliver. You're a fucking man of so many fucking things. You know, I don't, I follow like,

I don't even know who the fuck I follow on Twitter. Does anybody ring my bell? Not really. One person does. And that's you. Because every fucking day you post shit about Miami that you have to sit there and go, what the fuck?

Whether it's an alligator, you know, it's always something, 20 pounds of blow, found in the Senate, house, the chick is dead on top of it. This shit only happens in South Florida. And for people who don't know about South Florida, it's fucking crazy. You know, like right now we're living in a society of the, you shoot a BB gun at a school, it makes Yahoo right away. Yeah.

Like anything to do with, they don't even, they've gotten over Miami. Like the only person that keeps Miami on the map that tells us what really going on in Miami is you. Well, you know, I think about, you know, the crazy shit that I did as a kid. And I wasn't that crazy of a kid, but I think about, like, what happens to kids today. We're just doing stupid stuff. Like, I remember, you know, my elementary school was, like, the local neighborhood elementary school. So, like, we'd ride our bikes there on the weekends, and we would, like, hop the fence and climb up on the roof and run around on the roof. And I think today, kids would get tasered to death for doing something like that.

You know, like, they'd be arrested for, you know, you know, they'd be arrested for, you know, they'd, you know, be 11 years old and get arrested for trespassing and damage to school property, and they would ruin these kids' lives, you know, as opposed to just being like some young mischievous kids who aren't looking to hurt anybody, but you're just kind of, you know, filling the dead air between, you know, between school days on the weekend, you know, and I, and you're right about that, like the second some dumb shit happens, it's somehow all over social media. Sometimes it's even true. But in the case of Florida, there was like, this is why we built our business here, You know, our company, we went to Sundance in 2001 with our first documentary,

we were like the youngest guys in the history, youngest filmmakers at that time, in the history of Sundance, we were the only guys from Miami, filmmakers from Miami. And everybody said we did, like, our movie, like, was on the front page of the New York Post. It was about the alleged rape of a stripper at the Delta Chi Frat House at the University of Florida and Gainesville. And the whole night's events with the strippers and the alleged rape were all caught on videotape. and we put it in the movie. And so it became a big deal because of how graphic the footage was, and people disagreed when they saw the footage whether or not it was a rape

or a consensual sex act, seeing the same footage they disagreed about whether it was a rape or not. So it got to, it made a big splash. And then we did like 60 interviews in six days. And all the press asked the same question. The last question was always the same. They were like, okay, you guys have been anointed the bells of the Sundance Ball by New York Post, are you going to move to L.A.? You're going to move to New York, and we're like, hell no,

we're going back home to Miami, and they're like, well, why? And we say, well, first of all, that's why you call it home because it's where you go back to when you're done to do another shit, you know? And second of all, we knew that this was like this town was just an untapped resource of just so many compelling characters and stories. And what's my old saying that I always go to? It's, uh, L.A. is where you go when you want to be somebody. New York's where you go and you are somebody. And Miami's where you go and you want to be somebody else. And that kind of informs the whole

attitude of the place of Florida in general. Like it's, it, at the Buchanan, the Pulitzer Prize winning crime reporter once said, it's like, Miami's like the end of the line. If you're running from anything in this country, eventually you're going to run out, you're going to run out of time and run out of of space in Miami. That's how far you can run. And the truth is, we have a saying in Florida that the further north you go, the further south you are. As you go up the state, you know, Miami is like the Atlanta of Florida. You know, like you have Atlanta and then you have the rest of Georgia. You know, like it's, that's what what Florida's like. You know, we have Miami. There's a couple places that are kind of like, you know, Palm Beach, Broward and Miami-Dade County are

like the blue tip on a red cock of Florida, you know? And believe me, there's nothing the rest of the state of Florida would enjoy more than being able to circumcise South Florida off the rest of the state. And even crazier shit seems to happen in like central Florida and northern Florida. And that's why you find a lot of the guests on like Jerry Springer-type shows. A lot of them come from central Florida, which is where you're talking. KKK cops are from, of course. You got to break that down for us, because when I read that shit, I nearly, I had a stop and look

10 times. Don't, trust me, it didn't shock me. I know it exists. But when you make it Florida, your home, it really hits home down there, the KKK cops. I hope that this is an isolated kind of an incident. This is a very small town. Florida's got a lot of small towns, you know, it's not just Miami and Miami Beach and Palm Beach and all the places, Fort Lauderdale.

you know, all the places that people envision or come to when they visit Florida, like Orlando, for example. This is a town, Fruitland Park. It's got about 4,000 people. It's just north of Orlando, which is, of course, home to Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. And just below Ocala, which is like an equestrian small country, equestrian type of community. So Fruitland Park is what it's called. And as much as I'd like to say that this is an isolated incident, even in a state as crazy as Florida,

even with the police corruption stories that seem to come out of here, unfortunately, daily, you really haven't experienced the full spectrum of Florida's insanity until you've seen this photograph. But I know you've seen it, Joe, because I posted it on Twitter,

of a cop with his badge, with his gun belt, with his uniform, and then he's got the Klan hood on on and the clan robe on top of that. I mean, it's absolutely petrifying. Just this picture alone. Talk about speaking a thousand words,

but what happened was this time, this department has about 13 officers in the entire department. That's the whole thing. And it turns out that of this small department, you had maybe four employees, three officers potentially, and a secretary who was once married to one of the officers were members of the Ku Klux Klan,

one of whom who actually resigned in 2009. I believe the difference between a police officer resigning and being fired is that they, I think they might even get to collect a pension if they're owed anything. They get to collect, you know, vacation days. And because they weren't fired, they sometimes have an opportunity, though, they retain their, like, law enforcement credentials. They can go and work in another. department, which is, of course, a frightening fact. But I think this guy's name is, I think,

the Google search would probably kill him, you'd think, on future job opportunities. But this cop, who resigned in 2009, he was actually a recruiter for his local clan. I, I'd call him Kleeples, Cleegals with a K, is what they call these recruiters. And he wound up recruiting another officer in Fruitland Park, and that guy's wife, who, as I said, was a secretary who also worked at the Fruitland Park Police Department, and this guy winds up, the first guy who resigned rats out this other guy to the FBI and rats out another deputy chief who's with the department, who, I have to tell you something kind of funny. Maybe they'll listen to this show and change it, but they, like I said, it's a small department, and they had not updated their website.

on the deputy chief who resigned. His picture is still up on the website as an officer in the department, which is kind of funny. They're not big on the social media or updating the websites. But you also might have a situation, by the way, where this guy, this kind of scorned a former employee might have ratted out one of these guys just to get back at him. But the other guy definitely, there's pictures of him

at a clan initiation ceremonies. And of course, because it's Florida, they had some crazy defense. And the guy said, no, I was working undercover with my wife. The chief told us to work undercover and infiltrate this local, you know, clan group so that we could out the other cop

that had already left the force in 2009 because of these allegations. And then they asked the chief who retired, did you assign these guys to this random undercover work? And he says, hell no. He says, we don't be undercover work. We don't really do at our level when you have a department this small. Their entire town is like three miles long.

He's like we would never do anything any undercover work like this. There's no paperwork that exists to buttress this claim of undercover work. And it just turns out that these guys voluntarily or perhaps as a result of peer pressure, this police officer and his wife joined this other police officer in the Ku Klux Klan. And the real tragedy of this to tell you the truth, because I don't know that there's been any documented incidents of racism or anything on their part. But you have cases that these cops were involved in that they have to dismiss. So there might very well be criminals, beyond the Klan, beyond these cops, criminals that go free because you can't rely on testimony from these police officers because they're members of the Ku Klux Klan. I mean, if you had a defense attorney, you'd pulled up this picture of the cop in his uniform and his badge and his gun belt wearing a fucking hood.

And, you know, with eye holes cut out of it, you know, with bed sheets on his head. and you'd say case dismiss, Your Honor, and the judge would say, you're out of here. So they have to drop any criminal cases that these cops were involved in investigating because there's no faith or credibility in their testimony. So this is kind of the cascading effect that happens when you have, unfortunately, a situation where either good cops go bad or what I think is happening more often. Bad people are becoming cops. You know, you have a certain segment.

I don't know what the percentage is. I hope it's small, but a pretty good. percentage of people who are, you know, either maladjusted or power-hungry, who aren't like, you know, good people who become police officers to do the right thing. But they're bad people who become police officers so that they can do the bad, they could do bad things and continue to get away with it because usually there's no accountability. In this case, the pictures, the photographic evidence is pretty damning and they're going down. Hey, Billy, this is Lee. I produce the show. Just a weird question. I mean, they let the KKK... Dude, I'm from Florida. There are no weird questions.

They let the KKK protest now, and it's not like a terrorist group anymore. It's more... From what I've heard, it's more... I don't know exactly what they do. But let's say this cop was up front when he first started and say, listen, I'm part of the KKK. If they didn't hire him, could he, like, legally sue them and be like it's discrimination? Like, I just...

Like, is that even possible? possible, could he have admitted to it and then been hired? Like, it just... And by the way, we have so many lawyers in the state of Florida. I'm relatively certain he could find one that would take on that lawsuit, because that would be a federal lawsuit. Interesting to think, like, or the claim might be that they're discriminating against him for his involvement in this social club or this political organization.

I think because of the, we'll say, the well-known tradition, of the clan and its positions, that I think that would be sufficient grounds for not hiring someone or in this case firing someone because, I mean, you kind of have to not have those types of biases that the, you know, that the clan is very well known for. So while I wouldn't put it past lawyers in Florida, because there are so many and they're desperate for work to bring a case like that, especially with what we've seen, I mean, we have a police officer in Miami Beach. Get this. This just happened last week. A police officer in Miami Beach, actually, last year he failed a drug test, a random drug test. He tested positive for cocaine.

So they fire the guy, right? I mean, that's pretty simple. It's, you know, step one, you take a random drug test. Step two, you test positive for cocaine. Step three, you're fired. It's over. Last week, extensive arbitration, he got his job back, including back pay of about $74,000 that while he was, while he had been fired. So he's getting paid back pay for time he didn't work. He's essentially been on vacation and fighting to get his job back. Here was his defense, this only in Miami moment.

His defense was an old Cuban friend of mine gave me a penis cream because I was having some sexual dysfunction issues in a, in like a purple jar that I don't know. bought it some fucking botanica along with a goat and some chango centauria candles. He gives him this penis cream that the man applied to his penis, and it turns out it was laced with cocaine. It was some homemade concoction or formula. The man put just a strange, unlabeled jar. He put this cream on his penis, and it seeped in, the cocaine-laced cream, seeped into his system, unbeknownst to him, through his penis, and as a result, he accidentally, inadvertently had cocaine in his system at the time he took the test. Guess what? They accepted

that defense. They reinstated him, and he's getting back pay. So I wouldn't put it past anyone in the state of Florida to get their job back by saying, come on, I was just a member of the Klan. You can't discriminate against me for that. You know, it's, uh, I'm not. I'm not. I'm I'm Cuban. And as a child... Nobody's perfect, Joe. Right. As a child, I got to go to Miami.

And, you know, being from New York City, it was a different world. The lizards, the swamp, you know, my family owned property in the falls. They were... Oh, yeah. They had the construction company that built the falls, pretty much. They would go specifically 130th Street and 100th Avenue. Oh, wow. I remember that in the era, in the mid-60s, late 60s.

early 70s 68 69 I would go down there my godfather would go down there with a bulldozer and knocked down all that fucking swamp and and then they'd build one house which he would move into and then they'd build four more and there was a whole block and after he sold the four houses he'd sell his and he'd leave and go build something else and while I would go down I went down there from the ages of four to about 12 he had six different properties you know so I got my ex I went to at Barry's baseball camp. I went to all the beaches. I'd go down there and get tutored.

So if I was doing bad at math, my mother would send money down and I'd go down there. I mean, I was part of a family. You know, they were my cousins. And it was really weird. I never ended up in Florida being as crazy as I am. But I've been to Florida from Jacksonville all the way down to Miami.

And I've got to tell you, in all my travels, It is one of the most fucking weirdest places And I'm not putting it down You know, when I went on a lamb in 82 I lived in Sarasota for two fucking months Of course Talk about, you know Nobody will find you in Sarasota

You know, I think statistically The vast majority of fugitives Come to Florida I picked up in Florida If they get caught in Florida If you watch that show on this You know, when I go on the road On Fridays and Saturdays

I enjoy it because I get to watch daytime TV something I don't watch. I've got a notebook. I get coffee. I smoke some weed. And I try to write jokes, listen to, you know, gangland and shit like that. But there's a show on one of those things that I almost got caught. It's on Discovery or something. And it's always about a guy. Discovery ID, Discover ID. Yeah, yeah, one of those. It's always about I almost got caught. And 80% of the time they go through Florida. I watch one about a kid from Newt de Brooklyn that robbed a family and he went to florida and then when he was in florida and west palm he robbed the sheriff's

house by mistake and here's a weird thing that he was doing all this in uh night he when he was 25 and he got arrested in 88 in Vegas finally and i related a lot to his story you know he was a career fucking criminal and he's not going to get released till 2025 because florida has him because florida will give you some fucking time also oh yeah we give you time we have a we have a big uh private prison industry here. That's why you have 88% of Floridians right now. This is the latest polling. Eighty-eight percent of

Florida voters support medical marijuana, which is going to be on the ballot in November Amendment 2. Vote yes, if you're listening in the state of Florida. But 88% support it. 10% are against it. I'm estimating the other 2% were two-stone to respond

to the poll. But 10% that's it. When was the last time, 88% of anybody agreed on anything for crying out loud. And the 10% who are against it, Governor Rick Scott, who has an interest in private prisons and in a drug testing company. Okay? Then you have the Attorney General, who's a Republican, who's against it. Then you have the Florida Sheriff's Association who, of course, they're against it. They want to preserve asset forfeiture, which is a huge money generator for them,

which is, of course, legalized theft because the police can seize your, assets in the event that you are suspected, not convicted, and not proven beyond a reasonable doubt, but suspected of a crime. They can take your property, they can take your cash, they can take your car, they can take your home, and they can sell it for their own to profit, their own organization, their own police department. Before you are ever convicted, the charges might be dropped. You can get out, and the police department could have sold your house, your car, seize

your money, et cetera. So like, there's no, there's no pure motives for any of the people who are against the legalization of medical marijuana, but that's the state of Florida. That's just us here. I mean, there are no, you know, pure motives of our, I mean, we have a, we have a governor right now who was the CEO in charge of the hospital company, one of the largest hospital companies in America, who was responsible for the largest Medicare fraud, multi-billion dollar Medicare fraud, in the history of america he pled the he took the fifth he pled the fifth on a videotape deposition 75 times then he spent 75 million dollars of his own money the ill-gotten gains he got from this medicare fraud company and and became the governor of the state of florida and this is the guy who's the governor of of state of florida to the credit of floridians the same schmucks

us who elected him uh he has had the lowest poll ratings of like any any governor in the you know, in America for the last, for his term the last three, four years. But this is who runs the state, and I always joke, I say, listen, if you're going to be the governor of the great state of Michigan, for example, okay, you want a guy who knows something about the biggest industry in your state, which is, of course, the automobile industry. And if you're going to be the governor of the state of Florida, you want somebody who knows something about one of our biggest industries.

Medicare fraud. So there you go. And what do they say in a democracy? People get the government they deserve. Well, be invenito off Florida. You know, 88% is no surprise. And again, I'm not proud of this fact, but part of my love for Florida was the drugs.

I mean, when I first discovered cocaine, I was down there in 84, 83, and I had never seen anything like that. I had never seen anything like that. In fact, this guy, who I was watching that show the other day, I almost got caught. Went to Florida, and his first morning in Florida, he says he wakes up, he looks out the window,

and there's cops everywhere with their guns drawn. And he fucking hides under the bed, and after five minutes, if they don't kick in the door, he calls the, it's 1983 in Miami. You know, they're doing a reenactment. And he calls the front desk, and he goes, excuse me, I just woke up, and there's cops all over the thing.

He goes, oh, don't worry about it. They just found, you know, 22, bales a blow on the beach. It happens all the time. Just stay in your room for a couple of minutes. And, you know, when I went to Miami in 83 and these kids that were my age, maybe a little, I was 21. And there's these young kids telling me about where they live is the inlet, like the end of the ocean. And they would go down there before school. That was what they did before school to see if anything floated up. They would tell me stories about when they pull out bales of weed. That's how I got the paraquot at that time.

Bales of weed was stuck underwater. It was salty. Whenever I smoked the weed, it was very salty. And I guess they sprayed that with paraquine. That's when I got my lung infection from Florida fucking weed. But it's amazing how it's all. Look at the, isn't the pill business the biggest it is in Florida, correct? It was the pill mills.

There were more pill mills in Broward County, which is just north of Miami-Dade. There was more pill mills for a while than McDonald. Now what's a pill mill? So a pill mill was one of these, it was kind of a throwback. I don't know if you remember the pain relief centers back in the 70s and 80s where they like sold quailudes. And it was kind of like this gray market situation. So the pill mills are mostly oxy right now. They're mostly oxy, which was killing up to seven people a day in Florida for a while.

Can you imagine we were killing seven people a day on oxy on these, quote, legal, you know, toxic prescription drugs. but 10% of Florida is against medical marijuana. But meanwhile, they had this situation where you would go into these pain relief centers here in South Florida, and you would basically go to one window where a doctor would look you up and down and say, oh, you're not well, you need a prescription, and they'd hand your prescription. Then he would take a big step to the left. You would take a big step to the right to the next window, and you'd open up the window, and there would be the pharmacist.

Sometimes the same guy as the doctor, who just had just, quote-unquote examined you, and they would fill your prescription right there, and these basically just became kind of drug dens of sorts. And you had a situation where people from Kentucky were coming, or people were going from Florida to Kentucky with the oxy. They call the Appalachian Trail, and the sheriff, in town, in Kentucky said they were pulling over more people with Florida plates than Kentucky plates, and they were bringing up these drugs, and people were just dropping dead left and right, and you could just go right. And you could just go right from Florida, from the pill mills, right up the Appalachian Trail, as they said,

and sell these drugs, and people were just, you know, whether you were kids, women, whoever, just dropping dead from Oxy, and they started to crack down. It took years, but there's always that learning curve, you know, with law enforcement, catching up to drug trends and things like that. But this is a legal drug, quote-unquote, legal drug. You know, FDA approved, you know, your doctor, can prescribe it to you, but they were just basically making, you're talking about making hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash a week from selling these pills to drug addicts and

children. And that was a huge business in Florida for a while. They have since cracked down on it, and fortunately, you know, it's a lot better, I can say than it was before. How did they justify it before they cracked down? Because I heard, like, didn't they not, like, keep track of it so you could go to like a pill mill down the road and get the same bottle like twice in the same day. So like how did, how did they justify like that it was legal before they started cracking down? Oh, it was worse. I mean, you would walk in and you could bring a x-ray. It could be someone else's x-ray. The doctor would look at it upside down. He'd hold it up to the light and say, yeah, oh yeah, you're in bad shape. Here's your prescription. I mean,

these were total cursory bullshit examinations. And they would, and also you have some of the same businesses, as I said, selling the pills. There was nothing really legal about it. It was more of, I'll say, it was a gray area, a gray area of the law because, again, these pills are legal. They can be sold, you know, through pharmacy, you can get them at Walgreens and CVS.

In fact, I think Walgreens had a major actually was sued by the federal government and settled for a lot of money with the DEA because of what they were doing in Florida, which is, as you put it, they weren't really tracking who was buying what. And people could, they were, they were

accepting prescriptions from suspicious doctors who clearly just had pads of oxy prescriptions all ready to go when you had people lining up out the door to get them and then going to different Walgreens locations and getting them. So the DEA actually had to crack down on Walgreens, America's worst pharmacy. I hope they're not a sponsor. And that's just one of the many reasons why they're America's worst pharmacy. They also moved offshore to take their profits with them as well. So they can sell poison to American children and kill them with impunity, but they won't pay taxes or a higher tax rate in America because they've moved their headquarters offshore to boot. But this was like a gray area of the law that these guys existed in.

It's crazy. It just took time for them to catch up. It's crazy how they make the distinction because my first job for two years was CVS, the pharmacy, in Massachusetts. And towards the end of me working there, was the big cough syrup and cough medicine craze. And I literally had to card and scan licenses for people, and they went bananas. And it makes sense. I mean, moms would come and would say kids, and maybe they just walked over to the store, and I would have to literally scan and write down their address in a little book

and make sure they didn't have, they can only buy a certain amount of that. And that's, and that was bad, but they can have oxy cotton. stores like 7-Elevens in certain areas. Here's the problem with that. Of course, you know, there's also scissors. I mean, you know, are you going to take fingerprints from everybody who buys who buys cough syrup? But this is the problem is that we all kind of become criminalized.

I mean, I would go into, this is a problem that, you know, because one of the active ingredients in the allergy meds, of course, is necessary for the creation of meth. But you need a shit ton of it. But every time allergy season would roll around, and I would go to CVS or Walgreens, you know, to get some clareton because I'm, you know, I'm clearly congested. I can't breathe.

I run into the store. And the next thing you know, they need my ID. I need to fill out some paperwork. They need to see my passport. I need to give them an aspirant. And it's like, what the hell is? Like, it criminalizes everybody. I mean, you need a shit ton of clareton to make meth.

You know, like, I would need to, I would need pallets full of it on forklifts to make meth. You know, if I was breaking bad, but, like, you know, you just want to buy some allergy meds. the next thing. It's, listen, it's the same thing with, it's all security theater to some extent or another. I mean, we can't all be meth dealers, you know, we can't all be terrorists, like the TSA treats all of us, you know, we can't be, you know, but like, this is a classic case of your, because of, uh, of all the problems that we're now all guilty until proven innocent. Do you think part of it, I'm not even a conspiracy theorist, but meth, Meth is pretty easy and cheap.

It's one of the people who are poor might make meth, and people who do pills might be a little bit more well off. Do you think that's part of it? Like, they want to keep the rich people happy and keep the poor people. They focus on them. Like, I'm not even a conspiracy theorist, but just thinking about, I don't know where it comes from.

Well, you know, it's all about, I think, I think it's less about that and more about the special interests, because, of course, the major pharmaceutical companies are the ones who help finance political campaigns. They're the ones who own things like Oxy. What they don't want you doing is making your own concoctions at home. You know what I mean? Whether it's moonshining with an at-home distillery, whether it's creating your own at-home drugs, whether it's growing your own marijuana, because then you're taking money out of the pockets of the billion-dollar pharmaceuticals. It's not a conspiracy theory. It's just a simple, you know, it's a simple follow the money.

I looked up that those stats, it was Walgreens had to pay $80 million in fines to end the DEA probe, that it allowed millions, millions and millions of oxy to reach the black market. They were there. One, of course, always a Florida connection, as I said. But six Walgreens pharmacies in Florida ordered more than a million pills a year, whereas in 2011, the average pharmacy in the U.S. ordered about 63,000. Oxygen. Damn. One pharmacy in Fort Myers, which is my hometown, Dunk City, Baby, they were ordering

95,000 pills in 2009, and then in 2011, they ordered 2.2 million oxy pills. So that's what Walgreens. So they just ignored red flags, is what the DEA said. I mean, they just thought, oh, business is booming. You know, yes, seven people a day are dying in the state of Florida, but, hey, that equals millions of dollars into the president. pockets of Walgreens, and they're not even paying taxes in America, so what do they care? You know, it's hysterical that I love drugs. I really did.

I could lie to you and say, you know, I was that much of a fucking looting. I loved it. I loved getting high. I loved a couple lines and a valium, and I ate the quailudes. I ate the fucking benz-a-I-I-I-I-eat-all-lose. I mean, I ate all those downers. I ate a 16th of an oxy-cotton. And I got to tell you, I knew it was.

wasn't for me. From one 16th of them? I'm so grateful that your heart is still beating. A 16th. Why didn't you like it? It was one of the roughest things. It was like my pressure dropped. You know, like the color went on in my face.

It was one of those type of drugs. I laid down, I got up the next morning and said, you know what? I've done a lot of things. That is not for me. That is not for me. I don't want them around me. Do I want those? I could see.

Lee, you made a good point. think you'll agree with me, Billy. Pills are the fucking drugs of fucking rich white people. Again, pills are the drugs. You know, if you look at who's eating oxycon, yeah, it's a bunch of fucking junkies. That's a junkie pill. But what about the other pills that we have? What about these ADD pills that people are using and misusing?

You know, Adderall? Is that what it is? Adderall and all that. What about the people who chug down vans? Valiums all day in the name of anxiety because nobody has more anxiety than me. How the fuck you're going to chuck down 10 fucking Valiums and move around? What's this Ambien drug that they're that sleeping pill? That's scary.

You know, who takes fucking Ambion? Not fucking Yams, not black people in fucking Liberty City, you know? And that's the other side of it. You're absolutely right, Billy. We just had this judge, Judge Lynn Rosenthal. She's a Florida state judge in Roward County. She was caught on video. She was DUI.

She was driving in the morning from her home to work. Okay? But by work, I mean, to the courthouse. And she hits a fence trying to go into the judge's parking lot. And the police all of a sudden descend on her because there's a bunch of cops around the courthouse. And it turns out she was driving on Ambien. She was sleep driving to work, this judge. And she gets arrested.

She also had Xanax on her, by the way, but she swears that she didn't take it, and she wouldn't let the cops take any blood from her to drug test her effectively. But she did, I think I believe she took a urine test, and she was clean for alcohol. So it was just this ambient that she had taken. She was sleep driving. She could have killed somebody. She fortunately didn't. But because she's a judge, they dropped her DUI charge, they reduced it to reckless driving.

She was sentenced to three months of probation, 24 hours of community service. Now, imagine if it had been you or honest. what would have happened in that case. But this was a judge. But always remember, the prescription is what makes the difference. She had a prescription. You're right, by the way. You're absolutely right.

And to her credit, she says that the doctor prescribed her pills and the quantity or whatever the, whatever the dosage was of the pills were way too much for her. And she blamed the doctor for prescribing the, you know, overly powerful dosage in one, you know, in one pill of Ambien. Maybe she'll take a half pill. But she didn't complain when he's prescribed it. She only complained when she got there.

Well, she didn't really fucking know. Listen, Ambien's a tricky thing. I've heard just amazing stories, but so is Adderall. So all these pills that people are taking. You know, Adderall, they sell them on the streets in Illinois. I have a friend that says he buys him 40 lot or something like that. I don't know what he spends or whatever. So, you know.

I will tell you that shit works, though. I mean, it's a narcotic. It is dangerous. It is powerful, but it works. There was a funny onion headline years ago that said, Adderall receives honorary degree from Harvard Law School. Because if you are up studying or working or, you know, on a work bender, that shit does the trick, man.

It does a trick, but I know people in college who snort it, so it's not even like they're taking it for, like, the good. the good. They just take it just to get I mean, just to get the studying done. But people don't know. Let's not get it to their bloodstream quicker? I mean, that's just a responsible drug user right there. Puts it right in the fucking snives just to get it through.

Let me ask you something, Billy. What are you working on? What's your next thing? We're actually in production. Now, we did a, you know, we've done a couple of ESPN 30 for 30 documentaries. The sports documentaries on ESPN. We actually have we have two of the top four highest rated and are going for, going for our third. We're doing a sequel, actually. This is the first ever ESPN 30 for 30 sequel.

It's to our first ESPN doc of the U, which is about the University of Miami football program. Loved it. So we're doing a sequel. So the sequel is going on a today? We did cocaine cowboy sequels. What I like to say, you know, we might, we're not one hit wonders, but we may be one-trick ponies. I'm not sure yet. I would love to see you do a documentary of a day in a life in South Florida with your tweets. I was looking at your page one day and I go, this is a fucking movie.

A day in a life in South Florida. That's the name of it. From 6 a.m. and you wake up to sirens and then every hour on the hour, those things that you post. Because you post something interesting as fuck, every three hours in South Florida,

something happens that you go, what is that that he just posted? So a documentary of a day in a life in South Florida would be brilliant just so the rest of this fucking country could see what happens down there because nobody would believe it. You would take any hour of any day, you'd take any neighborhood to tell you the truth and whether you're documenting a day in the life of the neighbor or the history of the near, like you were talking about the falls and developing that, developing Southwest Miami

date over there. And I told you I came from Fort Myers. My grandfather was one of the early developers who was developing a place called Lee High Acres, which is one of the first. like planned, developed subdivisions in that part of the swamp. And the first thing they did was they built a grid, which means they've got paved streets for as far as the eye can see. You know, they have a grid so they can start.

There's no houses. There's nobody else out there. There's nothing out there. There's just paved, you know, miles and miles and miles of paved roadways. You know, that just grid throughout the swamp. And they would come out in the morning, the construction crews, to go to work. and they'd find like a plane abandoned on the straightaway of paved road because it turned out it was the ideal spot for drug smugglers to land

because you just had miles of just paved roadway. It was just like a runway for them and they could land. They could unload if they had an emergency or whatever. They could even abandon the plane because the cargo was worth a lot more than the plane. They never could. They'll sell the cargo and they'll buy a new plane. But that's true, like, any hour or any block or any neighborhood of, like, Florida or South Florida, it's, like, instant documentary, which is why we kept our business here. Instant.

I remember when I used to go to the Coconut Grove Improv when it was there. The RIP, rest in peace, Miami Improv. I went there from 98, maybe 99, to 2004 before they said this kid can't come down anymore. He's going to die in one of those hotel rooms. He's going to die. They knew what I was doing. I would go down there for two weeks, and I would just push my heart to the extent of it, you know.

And I'm not a good-looking guy. You know, I don't have a Corvette or nothing. But I would walk into that news cafe in Coconut Grove. Yeah. And I'd always leave there with a crazy woman. I don't have that magnetism. Did you say at the Mayfair? Where did they put you guys up?

Listen, I used to stay at the Mayfair. And they used to stay at the one by the road, by the Pollo Tropical. U.S. 1 or something they're supposed by the Newport, yeah, where it turns into a bad neighborhood, like after three, they sell crack there and shit, right across the street. The Grove is like that. The Grove is kind of like New Orleans.

You've got like Bourbon Street, the first quarter, and then you've got like, you know, the ninth ward right next door. Yeah, it's not, it's hard to believe. If you walk a little far south in Coconut Grove, you're going to get a problem. You're going to have a problem. I had a problem one night. Three black guys' yellow. Oh, that intersection of brand.

Grand Avenue and Douglas Road, that's like the back lot for the first 48, right there, that intersection. I'm not kidding. It wasn't good. So they knew. They knew that every time I went to Miami, it was two weeks of, did Joey wake up this morning? You know, between the wet willies and the dealers and people putting packages in you. But the stories I tell, the craziest stories are from Florida. They used to be a bartender at the improv

that had a girlfriend that was studying to be a doctor And she would come in Ask me for a bump Blow me And just sit at the bar Ask me to blow me Guys again, I'm no fucking Julia Caesar I don't have the biggest dick in the world

One night I brought a girl home to do blow And this girl said to me Black out she goes, I never met you before If you do a headstand I will fuck you just a headstand could you do it no she left

these are the standards of women I was too coked up to do a headstand and she would help me with the thing I just wouldn't do it she goes I gotta go and she left no let me let me ask you this because I have I have some recovering addicts in my family I'm not a drug user I'm not a smoker I've never taken

a hit off a joint so much as as that not that's a bad thing I'm amazing no I'm very proud of you medical marijuana. I just, that was just a choice I made early in, early in life, and I would sit around with friends in high school, maybe passing a joint, and eventually they learned to just pass it over me. You know, they wouldn't even offer it to me anymore, and that's just, I grew up, and I'm like, why am I going to start? Now, God forbid I should get sick. I would say, and my doctor

prescribed it, I'd absolutely take it. It's certainly safer than the vast majority of the alternatives or the medical, you know, options with this toxic shit that we, that we ingest, but um and our and that our our drug dealers in white lab coats pedal and push to us but uh but my question is i always hear this from people that i know in the recovery community and people of my family they say no matter where you go you get off a plane you walk into a restaurant you're walking down the street other addicts and dealers can spot an addict like people will just come up to you and start offering you shit you know on the street that they just there's like a radar like a data of addicts or something that they can, does that, that ever happened to you?

Like, you would just, and people would just offer you shit because they knew you were, you know, you were looking or hoping that you were looking. When I was getting high or the last seven years, do people approach me? Which one? Well, when you were getting high. Oh. Oh, you know, it's, they say that there's a big heroin movement in Hollywood. I never did heroin in Hollywood.

They say there's a big speed movement in Hollywood, and I'm pills. I never seen none of that. My thing was cocaine. From 1984 to 2007, Billy, even if I didn't want to do cocaine, it mysteriously bumped into me. There was a point that I think I was even cursed. If I tell you this, the rest of the people who listen to, they're going to think I'm crazy, but you know I'm not crazy when I tell you this because you grew up with it. There was a time in my life from 83, no, 85 to maybe.

94 or 5, but I was convinced that somebody put a Santeria spell on me to just snort Coke. Because no matter what I did, it always bumped into me. In fact, it would bump into me for free sometimes. Even when I... That bump pun is intended. It didn't. Oh, the bump punt, I mean, even when I got, I remember getting arrested, bailing out, and moving in with a roommate who I thought was clean, a decent guy. And I found... He was a huge drug dealer. You know, I had luck like that. I always had luck like that.

That I meet somebody and they'd say, oh, my sister deals drugs. Oh, you want to stay there. She needs somebody who'll watch the house. Just don't touch the Coke. Okay, I'm not going to touch the fucking Coke. You know, that's what my life was like for the longest time. I'm going to meet in a guy.

One of my best friends said to me one time he was Coke. Sleep downstairs. If you need a bump, the Coke is under the baby crib. So you would have to pick the baby up and go under the crib and take the baby up. the baggie out. You know how many times I picked that baby up one night, stealing coke off fucking night long? Every time I went in the room, the baby would look at me and go, I can't get moved no more. He was like a fucking year old, this girl.

John Roberts and cocaine cowboys, the big cocaine wholesaler that we interviewed in cocaine cowboys and then cocaine cowboys reloaded, which is now streaming on Netflix, cocaine cowboys reloaded. John said that he would, you know, sometimes if he'd bring girls over to have his girlfriend or she would have her girlfriend, over at the house, he kept moving the shit around the house because he didn't want her to find it because invariably when he would come home, when the girls were home alone, he would find where little holes in the bag where they would just poke a straw into a kilo. They would just poke a straw in, and they would just snort right out of the kilo, right out of the kilo, right out of the piece.

And there would just be little holes where the straws had it been inserted. it's uh it really is amazing the shit that i did for 30 years the addiction part of my life that i'm definitely writing a book about i'm definitely because there's hours and hours of things that i can't believe happened and they were put right on my table i never really all i had to do was basically go to a town get on stage and do two cocaine jokes right that's it by the time i get off the stage, I go to the bathroom, and two seconds I'm in the bathroom. Somebody runs in and asks me if I want to bump and where I could get some. And that happened to me in every stare at the comedy from fucking New York to West Virginia

where I got taken back to a trailer, the guy thought I was talking, because I kept saying, what do you got? And he goes, I got some shit that'll kill you, but you got to follow me 45 minutes out to this trailer. I followed him out to the trailer, and when I got that four in the morning, it was meth. I bumped into drugs every city I went. Am I proud of that statement? No. But that just goes to show you that, yes,

other addicts do recognize addicts. I could tell a chick, I could tell a chick that's doing coke that likes to suck dick that's a freak. I'll go up to them and go, let me answer something. If I give you a bump, can I eat your monkey? And they would just look at me and go,

how did you know? It's amazing. It's fucking amazing. That's why you should, a book because what happens is it doesn't glorify it so much as addicts will read it they'll recognize their own behavior and maybe change it you know and you can you can save people's lives by telling your your story hey that's the point my brother always a fucking pleasure having you on here always i really wanted to talk to you about this kKK k cop to clarify that i wanted to give you my

pitch on the a day in florida and that's it i love you buddy i love you with all my heart you Like I said, I follow you and I read all those tweets because I know that there's something good. You never disappoint me. They don't make me laugh. They just make me go, Jesus fucking Christ. When does it end down there? You know what I say? Florida never shocks me, but it always disappoints me.

I'll see you in a few months. I love you, Billy. Thanks, Joey. Have a great rest of the summer. What's up, Lysayat, Cocksucker? That was a great call. That was a great call. Billy's very knowledgeable. And yeah, man, when you're addict, fucking people will hunt you down.

Let me give a little something for my sponsors here. We got a new guy. We got a new big guy. They listen to the podcast. They like what they saw. They saw that I was smoking an e-cigarette. They volunteered to send me a package. And like everything else, people send me.

I try it. I read it. I listen to it. I put the shirt on. Whatever the fuck you send me, I try. I'm never going to waste one of your gifts in vain. And it's called a hit ESIG. And they sent me a box, and it was pretty cute box, you know, the packaging.

But one thing I noticed that it's the hit 1,200, and it's guaranteed 1,200 hits. You've seen me smoke a blue one here. A blue, they cost $10, and you might get a whole day, maybe a day and a half for $10. I think they're charging $18 for these, $15 for these, whatever the fuck they are. I've had this for four weeks. Still taste good. I got this 8 milligram one, 8,000. milligrams of nicotine because they have different sizes.

So let's say you want to quit smoking. You get this heated, this hit ESAGs. You go to hit E6.com if you want to quit smoking, and they start with 24 milligrams of nicotine. They go to 16, they go to 8, then they go to zero. You quit and you quit for cheap because their motto is better tasting and it lasts fucking longer. And I kid you not, I've been puffing on this motherfucking fucking weeks.

And to boot, they make a cigar. They make a cigar that's 24 grams of tobacco and zero grams of tobacco. The cigar, I don't have one on me. I will bring it on Wednesday. I love cigars. It's fucking tremendous. I've smoked a zero one and the one with nicotine in it, and it is fucking tremendous. The taste, you don't believe me, have I ever bullshit of you?

Have I ever bullshit of you motherfuckers? And they have a bunch of flavors, too. And they got tons of flavors. They got the fucking flavor. Green apple, they got blueberry, they got menthol, and they got vintage. And then, because they have a... I'm a vintage type of motherfucker. The $1,200 is $20.

So, but it lasts you a month. Because how many blues do you go through? How do you go through five blues in a week? Every time I'm with you, but these, they have a $1,2001, which gives you $1,2002-second puffs. And then they have an $800 one for $15. You see the smoke I'm blown out of this? This has been a fucking month already.

I'm not lying to you. I don't give you nothing. If you're thinking about quitting smoking, or you just want a healthy alternative, go to hitesigs.com. See what they got to all feed. If you like it, go to the box, order it now, and put in Joey's Church. What do you get? I have no idea where they give you 10% off and 20% off.

I haven't talked to them in a couple of days. I called them this morning to verify, give this product a shot if you're thinking of quitting smoking. I do not bullshit you. I do not give you fake fucking products. This is a tremendous thing. You're in your office. You don't need to walk outside with the rest of the steps and freeze your ass off. You just take two little fucking pups.

And there you are, off and fucking running. Now, let me tell you some, they have vapor pens that are like this. I have them at the house. Vapies, you take them off, you put a button there. You can fucking smoke at your desk and then follow with a fucking 16 milligram tobacco. Who's better than you? Go to hit these things.com. Welcome them.

At least go to the web page, take a look at what they got to offer. Think about it. I don't give a fuck. Think about your health. Think about how annoying you are. You can't go outside. If you live in cold weather, we're looking at the cold weather. We're looking at the cold weather.

January's coming. You might want to start a resolution. This is the way to do it. Please go to hit e6.com and take a look at what they got. Put Joey's church in there if you want to order. I think it's 20%. I'll verify it. I think it's 20%.

Go to hit e6.com today. Take a look, read it the information. Think about it. I don't give a fuck what you got to do. You'll be there eventually. You don't want to keep buying this. You don't got to plug this in. 1,200 hits fucking guaranteed.

Go to Heat E6. It says on the website, that the 1200 is equivalent to six packs of cigarettes. Six packs of cigarettes. That's 120 fucking cigarettes. You'll be smoking, huffing, and puffing for fucking weeks. Go to go to Hitty Sigs today. Why stop?

Stop fucking around. Stop killing yourself with this fucking nicotine, all right? You want to get healthy? Start with Onit.com. Go to fucking Onet. I got the shroom tech in the mail the other day, and I got to tell you something. My knee's not fucking hurting.

And I hate to say this because every... You ever go on TV and you watch a product like... Sleep out. They have this thing, do you snore, and you can order this mouthpiece. Let me tell you something. As family, that mouthpiece ain't going to do shit for you from TV. You got to order it, and they, like Joe Rogan, they did the thing in his mouth, and they measured his mouth and his tongue.

You're not going to get a piece from TV, and it's going to fucking save your life, okay? I'm telling you that right, fucking no. What was he talking about? About On it. All right, sorry about that. I'm a little fucking stone. I'm a little tired. You're not going to, this is not going to save your life.

So with strong bone, I'm not going to tell you if your knee hurts and you need surgery to fucking order it because it's going to take away the pain. I don't know what it's going to do. I know my swelling went down. I've been on it for fucking four days. My swelling went down. I don't have pain when I fucking walked. I bent over this morning to climb my shoelaces. That's when I get that sharp pain.

On it fucking works. Whether it's the alpha brain, whether it's the hemp force protein shakes, whether it's the fucking ropes or the kettlebells. Go to on it today. You're looking to get healthy. Cut the shit. This is optimization. This is human optimization. I'm telling you, I feel better when I do the fucking alpha brain.

I feel better when I do the shroom tech and I go down and fucking wrestle with fucking 25-year-olds. I'm not telling you I'm not tapping out. It makes me pick people up and throw them through walls. I'm telling them I'm more involved. I breathe more and I have more energy. Go to On It, press Church and get 10% off your first order. They also have a program. Stay on it.com where the packages get delivered to your house on the first of the month.

Go to honor today. See what they got. Read it. Tell me what the fuck you think. Order something. you get 10% off, all right? And they deliver it right to your house if you stay on the stay on the program,

just like Dollar Shave Club. Dollar Shave Club, I fucking love these people. I love these people more and more every day. Their razors are 100% fucking tremendous. Nothing cheap about this shit. You understand me? Why are you going? No fucking bells and whistles, no lights,

no sprinkler for your asshole, nothing. Just too sharp razors that protect your face. They shave you closest can be. And for the price that you, You choose, you get a little strip on there with aloe or cocoa butter or whatever the fuck they got. What else do they have leave? One Wipe Charlie's. When I was shitting that liquid was coming out of my ass.

When I went to that doctor yesterday, I was refreshed when they opened up my ass on, put that fucking camera in there. You know why? Because it smelled like peppermint. You know, you ever open up a chick's ass and it's clean, but you can smell a little shit from maybe the day before or something like that? You eat it. No biggie. They didn't have that problem with me. There was no shit residue.

There was nothing. Why? Because I was using the peppermint fucking one. wife charlie's yeah whether it's one wipe charlie's whether it's the raises choose the razor the package you want one dollar six dollar or nine dollars a month two blades with the alo strip you get a bunch of options do me a favor instead of me fucking it up go to dollar shaveclub com see what they got if it's not up to fucking pa i'm telling you one dollar six dollars or nine dollars a month get razors sent to your house you save fucking time every month what do they got to do

what's the box they put in church church C-H-U-R-C-H-U-Dumb motherfucker Put it in and get your fucking value today at Dollar Shave Club $1, $6, $9. Also, for my favorite fucking people in the world, I don't like fucking this up because they're always changing,

they always send me shit, okay? These is what are people I deal with. Hulu Plus, you fucking cock-suckers. Hulu Plus is so much more. They got current season episodes, every fucking episodes. It works on any streaming device. Hulu Plus has niche programming,

Criterion Collection, animated, kids, originals, and you can watch Hulu Plus anywhere, anytime, and it's only $7.99 a month. What was that league? $7.99 a month. And that's the same. Joey, I get the same deal from the commercial, yeah? But you're not getting two weeks for free.

That's why I come in, Cuck, sucker. Go to Huluplus.com. Watch original programming. The Daily Show. What else they got? Seth Meyer Show, The Awesome is Coming Back. The Simpsons is going exclusively to Huluplus.com. Stop wasting time.

Go to Hulu Plus box today and press in. Joey. And get two weeks for free, $799 a month after that. What do they press? Joey. Two weeks for free, $799 a month. Why are you kidding yourself? Stop fucking around and go to Hulu Plus.

Again, on it, Huluplus.com, Dollar Shade Club, and hit E6.com. I love you, motherfuckers. What's happening? Let me give shout out to my people. Jay Gomez, you bad motherfucker. Ashley, your boyfriend said, fucking send you something he's been bothering me for days matters Batman whatever your

fucking names get it together Mike fits you cock sucker who loves you more than me inside Billy's head you got a ball of shit with people flying Jason Seagars Jacob Ryu and Yaba Daboo I love you cock sucker and I want to give a special shout out to my main man Greg Powers and his Asian princess up there in fucking Seattle trying to get me to go up there and turn myself in this motherfucker off it to pay for me to go up there and turn myself in so I don't have this prompt This is why I do not ever want to hear that word fans again. We are our network, bro.

We're a fucking network of savages, and we're growing daily every fucking day. The mentality is we don't take shit from nobody, and when we walk in the room, we got the biggest dick in that motherfucking room. There's no reason to feel bad about yourself. If I annoy you with my talk about the past, don't listen anymore.

I just want to show you that nobody's fucking better than you, Doug. These motherfuckers ain't better than you. Every time you see me on a TV show or you see me on a stage, Please clap and please think because let me tell you something. I used to be a fucking savage and I made it this far. So when I get on a stage or you see him on a TV show, it's not only me, it's you. It's fucking you.

You could do whatever the fuck you want. You understand me? Stop looking at this people like their Superman. Fuck them. They put their pants on one leg at a time just like you. It ain't better than you. So when you go to work for that and your boss is saying to you and you're looking at him going, fuck him in the fucking ass.

He ain't better than you. He just got to the job before you and he may know a lot. little more, but you'll be there in a couple of years. Don't ever be fucking scared. Don't ever be scared to say something to somebody. When you're right, you're right. You got to open your mouth. You can't go around bullying people, but you've got to stick up for yourself. I'll ever be

embarrassed about sticking up for yourself, bro. I was one of those people. You know, when I had these problems at the blow, when I promised to get off the blow was because I thought in my mind that was becoming a pussy. Anybody who can't say no to somebody is a fucking pussy

and I wasn't saying no to the blow. So when I got off the blow, the point of my addiction was to get balls back again. And I remember that I booked a commercial for whatever fuck that was. And they didn't have brakes. They didn't have emergency breaks in the cars. Because when they put lights in the car for a commercial, they fucking mix the wiring up sometimes. So the guy dislocated the emergency brake. I told you the story.

So when I got out, I stepped on the brake to get out of the car, and the car kept rolling. And he goes, who's the fucking idiot that didn't put the brake on? and I said something like fuck you motherfucker tell you fucking and everybody stood there in shock the guy didn't do nothing to me and I didn't get fired I stuck up for myself when the guy came out to me later I go you call me a fucking idiot you treat me like a man I'll treat you like a man he put his hand out and I put my hand out and we shook it there was no problem right I saw him a year after that he was like man that was a great night in Long Beach yes it was we giggled about it you people know when they fuck up in my I guess in my head you always go to like the worst possible like oh we're going to get in a fist fight And in reality, probably nothing would happen, and they'd probably be, they'd probably say sorry. And if they got in a fist fight, what are they going to do? They're not going to kill you. They're going to bit slap you. You're going to push them.

You're going to fall down. Whatever the fuck happens. And you know what? At least they're going to go home and say that dude said something. Yeah. And that's the most important thing in life. You've got to say something. You don't have to say negatively, and I'm the number one person who does that.

Sometimes I take things wrong and I go at somebody in the wrong way. And I'm the fucking guy. I'm mad enough to admit it that I have that fucking. fucking fall, you know, that I have that fucking shortcut. But some people got to say shit to. Yeah. And whether it's a parking spot, you know, the other day, I was in front of my house, and I have a big parking issue in front of my house, and there's a handicapped spot,

and people tend to park eight inches, three feet from it. If everybody parks three feet from each other, I lose two parking spots. And I sat there for 10 minutes, and I said, and I went up to the gun, I go, excuse me. I live in this neighborhood. I don't give a fuck, who parks here? Just park correctly. Can you move this car back? And he goes, I'm sorry.

I didn't even know. Yeah. And I hear I was scared to go up to him because how I approached him. I said, excuse me, I just got to, if you parked this way and eight people parked this way, look, we lose two fucking spots. My wife is pregnant. She's got to, oh, my wife has a child, not even a child. She's a fucking human kettlebell. You got to walk in and out of there with this fucking 90-pound child.

Please, give me a fucking breeder. So it's not what you say. It's how you're fucking saying. That's it. That's the church rolled up in a fucking barrel. Don't ever be scared to open your fucking mouth, especially if you're right, and especially if you're a fucking gentleman.

And you women, I tell you motherfuckers to do it, even doubled in a man. Because you guys, people talk in front of your shit you don't want to hear. Somebody says, hey, listen, I don't want to hear that shit. And they'll look at you and go, look at this fucking bitch. But they'll respect you eventually.

A couple weeks, they'll respect you because you said something. Honestly, that's why I was thinking about it, because nothing's happened with Paula. But, like, I started thinking, like, What if some guy smack Paul his ass? And then I was too scared to do. Like, that's when I started thinking about it. I was like, fuck, I got to get over this.

So in case that happens, because God forbid that that happened and I had to do something. Listen, man, I don't go to Jiu-Jitsu to break nobody's arm. I don't have no malice when I go to Jiu-Jitsu. I really don't. Right. You know, sometimes I grab Raffi, who did the thing real hard, and I apologize. Rafi, I'm so sorry. No, Joey, go.

You know, one of my problems in sight control. and it's only like put my shoulder in people's faces. Even if that's what you need to do, even if the guy underneath me needs to do, really, motherfucker, let me do it to you. Let 310 pounds rest on your face. Let me just do the side control that the guy, you know, I don't have that malice in my heart.

But I also want to know that if I'm walking my daughter home from school in three years, I'm 54 years old, that if somebody comes up to me, all I want to do is be able to take him down and hold him there. And I'll put my 300 pounds on him. And if he resist, then I'll break his fucking shoulder. But I don't want it for that. That's not what the martial arts is about.

It's to control yourself. So just do me a favor. From now, I want to stick up for yourself. Really? I will. Even if I'm talking with you, later on, just say, Joey, this is what I thought. You don't have that chance on the street, but just start doing it in every level. And that's what I do.

I do it every level. If I don't like something, I don't do it. Right. You know, somebody called me last week to work a Sunday. Remember I was telling you, they were working next Sunday? 10 years ago, I would have probably taken it and curse myself on the drive down. Now, because I'm off the blow, I have the balls to tell the guy, no. No, I won't do it.

These are the reasons why. Because if I have a bad Sunday, you're going to use it against me in negotiations. And he laughed. And he said, okay, he's not mad at me. He put two other people down. I don't give a fuck. Let them drive down on a Sunday. Always got a sick up for yourself, man.

I'm definitely going to have to. And I know we did the sponsors, but Toking Lair just tweeted me and I want to let them know because they're new. that he put in Joey's Church on hit E-Sigs and they gave him a free $20 pen. He doesn't have to pay anything. There you go, cuckuckers. Joey's Church, go to hit E-sigs, give it a shot. Let me know what you think.

I love you, cuck-suckers. Stay black. Have a great day and stick up for yourself because nobody else. Fuck these motherfuckers. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows

anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey or go to joey-dias.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for Dollar Shaveclub.com. Get high-quality raisers sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshave club.com forward slash church or just go to joey-d-d-s.net and click on the dollar-shave club banner. The show is also sponsored by Onit.com.

Go there for New Mood, Alpha Brain, anything like that. Use code word church to get 10% off. And again, welcome to hitesigs.com. Go there. Use code word Joey's Church, J-O-E-Y-S Church, and get a discount. It looks like it's going to be $20 off of your pen.