The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #202 - Joey Diaz, Willie Barcena and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: August 7, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by comedian Willie Barcena in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey before September 1 for 20% off. Recorded live on 08/06/2014. Music: Carlos Santana - Oye Como Va Ice Cube - Today Was A good Day

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And you thought you were safe, motherfucker. Wednesday night, August 6th, the church of what's happening now? Old school. There you go. You might as well break out that fucking Mexican reefer. Get a fucking pack of cheeklay and it's all over to shouting, bitch. Because we got a hot fucking show coming for you tonight, motherfuckers. Straight from a little apartment in North Hollywood, California.

Here we are. Oye Como Varkuck suckers. Here you go. Get up. Take that bitch to death. Tell her shake that. ass. Oh!

What? Are you fucking kidding me? Or what? The Flying Jew, Willie Barcena. What? Bahn. Are you kidding me or what? Kill that shit, Lee.

What's happening? You bad motherfuckers? Welcome to the church of what's happening. Now it's Wednesday night. August 6th. I hope you're all all right. I hope you got your reef.

You ate your dinner. You did your jumping jacks. We're ready to rock here. We got my main man, Willie Barsena in the house. The Flying Jews here. What's up with you, Cucson? Feeling great. I'm excited to be here.

What did you do today? I kind of took a little bit of an off day, not really. I did a little bit of work, and then I went to the gym, and fuck it. So you went to the gym? You didn't take them off day. No, I know, but we had two early days in a row, and then I had a couple podcasts, so just kind of hung out today. Oh, you slept late, you mean? Yeah, I recovered tremendously from my colonoscopy. Yeah.

I took my first little poop, and there was no blood in it like the doctor said he was, so everything's all right. I recovered, so sometimes. a pace to just take fucking good care of yourself I'm saying that's awesome I didn't want to do dick today I didn't do dick yesterday I went to jihitsu today what I do yesterday I did something fucked up what was yesterday Tuesday? I went to acupuncture yesterday I got my shit how's Dr. Amy doing

Dr. Amy's a bad bitch you know that she's working on my wrist she cut me she stuck fucking 2,000 needles in me if somebody looks like me right now there's a voodoo doll on you so fucking get her she stuck needles everywhere though yesterday and it's because they want to take the anesthesia out So she took the needles in my leg

I did the regular fucking thing on my back Then I did the cups Then she lays it in my hand Did she say anything Because sometimes you come in And she looked at Dr. Amy Said I was smoking too much weed Did she see anything?

No, she said that I changed When I got out of there Like I did pick up a headache When I walked in When she sticks the needles in me I'm all right Oh good Sometimes she knows how they clear me up

I go every other week now You know what I'm saying I go over the other week I'm getting ready to go back To the fucking comedy store tonight You know I haven't been there in seven years years for reasons

you know I just figured you got to close one door before you another one opens I was gonna ask you about that actually would you stop with that fucking thing already cuck suck I'm trying to get it right Jesus Christ like because you've always since I've known

you always like I had to get out of there and like what is it like going back because once you make a decision you don't really change your mind that often well I tell you what's going on in my life Willie I've got since I've had the baby I'm still a hard worker, man.

Right. But I've gotten a little soft. I find myself watching TV, you know, with her. You know, I find myself a lot, like watching TV. You know, my wife isn't working, so she slows me down. I'm the type of guy I like to get the fuck out of the house early. I like to get out of the house. I go to a coffee shop and write.

You know, once I got an hour and a half or write, then I come home. And I still write, but I'm not going out at night. And I'm very happy that you're here tonight because you've always been one of the time. because you've always been one of my all-time favorite comics, and I've always been slash, I admire your writing, and I'm kind of jealous of it, and you have a great comic eye. But I'm not getting on stage enough.

No, you have to, bro. Well, you know, you're a guy that comes from jujitsu and then knowing that whole martial arts world. It's, you know, that goes hand in hand, man. You know, and if you don't roll, like, you know what you're talking about, you forget it. care. You could be the smoothest guy, but you lay off the mat for a while, and you get on, and it's almost like you're learning how to walk again. And the same thing happens with stand-up,

man. And, you know, that's why I, you know, I'll go to any crappy club. You know what I mean? Like, no, no, I'm the king of that. I'm the king of that like you. The work ethic has been there. But what happened was, I didn't want to go into Hollywood no more. Right. Right. I just said, you know what, man, I've been here 17 years. I don't want to beat it there anymore. You know, I got the podcast early in the morning. I want to be wide awake for that. You know, I like getting up early because I need two hours to jump in front of my wife and the baby, bro.

Right. Because once they get up, there's nothing you can focus on. No. There's no joke you can focus on. There's no podcast you can focus on. There's no book. I'm trying to write a book. You have to do it, bro.

I tell you what, you have to because I read a book by Stephen King. Stephen King wrote a book on how to write. Yeah, tremendous. All right. Did you read it? Did you read it? Okay, what did he say about that part of writing, man? You remember he said, he said, people who are waiting for the perfect time, for everything

to be perfect for you to write, those are called amateurs. Right. You know what I mean? That's what I used to be. Yeah, he goes, so I remember when I read the book, because I had been doing that, because, you know, I have three boys, my wife, and then, you know, you're busy and whatever. So I knew that there was no, there's never a perfect time, man. going to be something that bothers you or someone in their outside of you know people that

that get in your way when you want to write but you have to keep writing through that you know and that's what that's what uh stephen king calls anybody who can't do that it's called an amateur you know and i and i when my wife and the baby get up i mean i'll have fucking steven king come to my house and see if you're going to get a notebook out and put like this with that little gorilla on your fucking lap you're following you know i know bro i i mean i i don't know bro i i Right, but I have to beat them. Yeah. Like I have to get up at five, right, for 45 minutes, get up, take a shower, go back, right a little more,

and then by the time they get out, boom, I'm theirs. Right. If I wake up and she wakes up 10 minutes after, there's no way. Right. I got to watch the first half hour when my wife gets the house ready and cooks breakfast. And I learned a long time ago that when you have a big, and I didn't know. That's how. At first I'm like, yeah, I'm going to, and I told a friend of me, goes, listen, I'm going to give you some advice.

Right. When you got the kid, you got the kid. when you got the kid you got the kid she's got on the couch now she's on the couch now so that's a new thing this week I can't sit down

right there's no matter what I tell mercy get down you know mercy get down you know I got it's 20 times a day and the next morning she wakes up and she forgets Stephen King

can't fucking right through that I know what Stephen King's saying Stephen King's saying if you have three kids you have to go on the road you have to work out you have to be a husband you got to find time for fucking right

so if you got to stay up to doing the fucking morning right you got to fucking write that's what a lot of people understand yeah even he even said I think he wrote at the the laundry mat you know what I mean

when he's doing his laundry man then he because well it's quiet at the fucking laundry man nobody bothers you shit right right well you know it's those kind of things and we were talking about comics who write and I know that you write

but there's there's some guys that I hear that are waiting for the perfect, like, perfect, everything to align itself, perfect before you can pick up your, you know, pen or your laptop, whatever. And it's not never going to happen. That's never going to happen.

Never. You know? And it is what it is, man. It's like a joke. I mean, we were talking about writing jokes and stuff. And that's another thing that I think where comics make mistakes is they try to write the right joke. You know what I mean?

They try to write the right joke when they write. and you can never do that either. There's no such thing as writing the right joke. I mean, you might run into writing, like, by accident, write one that's right, like, off the page, like, you write it. But anytime you write, man, you're going to write wrong before you write correct. Absolutely. Yeah. And that's, and I, and, you know, I think that's where comics get into a lot of trouble because they go on stage with what's wrong.

obviously the audience is going to you know give you bad feedback a comic thinks that it's bad feedback but actually there's no such thing as bad feedback man the audience just tells you that's not the way to write it you know rewrite it there's no such thing as but a comic goes oh man I wrote this it didn't work I wrote this it didn't work and then they hear another comic do a joke and they go wow look that's the way you do the joke and then they start doing that joke So that's how you get into bad habits of not trusting your own self. You think that everybody else has a better joke. So you start taking comics, you know, comics, you know, those comics that take.

But, you know, I mean, we were talking about this, you know, about not succeeding, man. You literally have to go through a process of having a piece of garbage. And then, you know, having a seed and planting and putting water and all this. You got to go on stage. And like you were saying, you know what? I'm used to. I mean, we were talking before we got on the air. And you said something that's key to success.

He said, I'm okay with bombing, man. Like, you embrace bombing. Love it. And bro. See, that's because you've gone to another level now, man. Your comedy is going to, like, you know, it's just going to, you know, what you get at the results of that is going to be, it's going to be yours. because you bombed and then you wrote

and you rewrote and then you write you listen to it you know and then okay maybe I'll say it this way and finally man when it's done it's your bit man

you know but it really it really has to go you know you have to strike out a bunch of times before you hit the ball man how long does it take you to write a 10 minute bit

a 10 minute bit if I really put my heart and soul into it it'll probably take me four months, three months, four months, five, yeah. So an hour would take you a year. A year, yeah. Good for you. Yeah, about a year.

But that's me like being, like, you know, obsessive. That's me being obsessive about it. You know, where I almost get psychotic. Because I think some of the comics, some of us, you know, if you were analyze us, if there was a therapist, they would think there was something, you know, because we get obsessive, man. You wake up thinking about the bit, you know? You're like, you know, fuck. how do I write that one?

Or what do I tag it to? Or what do I talk about? Or how do I make that funny or this? And, you know, and, and, and, yeah, and another thing, you know, there's not only one way to write, man. You know, a lot of people think there's, there's one way to write. Man, there's, there's so many ways to write. One is you take a premise on stage and you go up there with your, you know, with nothing, nothing. And you just start talking.

And then, and sometimes you get laughter. You get laughter. of just, you know, an idea that you had, you know? You walk up there and you go, I hate assholes, man. I ran into an asshole right now. And I'm going to tell you something about this guy. And if a little bit more, you just start talking and they get laughs. And that's why I say, man, that if you ever go on stage without recording yourself, you're missing out.

You're missing out. I always never recorded myself. You never? Bro. You know why? I can't hit my fucking voice. Okay. You know why?

Because you're listening to you, Joey. That's where you fuck up. If you listen to yourself saying, I bought this CD or I'm going to check this guy out. Not you, Joey. Go outside of yourself and critique yourself. Like, okay, I'm going to listen to this guy. I just paid money for this. Now I'm going to listen to him.

Break away from, don't have it so close to the vest. Listen to it as if you listen to a comic named Joey. And now you really, now you're really going to be hard on yourself, bro. talk about not liking yourself, you're going to go, fuck, why, I should have said this, and then you stop it and you say what you should have said, and then you listen to it, and you say, why the fuck am I pausing so long there? That didn't need that.

I could have just kept firing, and then so you're right. Or I need to slow, that guy needs to slow down right there. You know, I didn't even hear myself. So that's how you do it so you don't get bored of yourself. So you don't go, oh, fuck, I know what I said next. I know what. I know right after this I said that thing about, you know, the fucking guitar or whatever, you know, that's how you keep from doing that. That's how you keep from making it stale for yourself.

You critique the fuck out of yourself. How long have you been doing stand-up for now? 23? 23 years. And what made you start? What made you go down to the laugh factory and say, fuck you motherfuckers? All right, bro. I was going to be a cop, man.

That's the truth, bro. I was going to be an LAPD. But I got arrested, man. The day that I had an academy date. And then I got a DUI. And I was, you know, and then I didn't know what to do. And my friends were like, you should be a stand-up. And we snuck into the comedy store.

We snuck in the back. And I remember, who was that? Polly Shore was back there. His mom would hang out with them. You know, remember those days? And then, yeah, and I went back there. And then I, because we would heckle comics. Me and my friends, we would go just to fuck with them.

You know, it was opening my fucking rookies, you know? And so I went back there, and I got. I got some laps the first time And I thought, fuck, this is easy, fucking any monkey can do this year. And then I went back the second time And I fucking bombed And I was fucking, then I was depressed, man

Fuck, maybe I shouldn't be a stand-up. You know, like, I don't know. But, uh, no, bro, yeah, you know. But that's how I got into it, man. Because if I think, I think comedy saved my life, bro. Because I was, you know, I was down. And then you're down and you're like, what the fuck I was gonna do?

You know? And then I was a stand-up man. know but um no man it's a great way you know what I used it the reason it was it was great for me man was because it was I was able to use it as therapy because I would talk about all that shit that happened of why I didn't you know become a stand-up you know and then then you have people put shit in your ears right because I remember I would go to comedy clubs and go no you shouldn't say that you should talk about this and then I remember when you were a young comic and people were like club owners trying to mold you

and you go, well, fuck, he must know what he's talking about. I mean, you know, he owns a club, right? And then so you go back and forth, you kind of fight with yourself. Do I write joky jokes? Do I write about my life? And it takes you years to figure out, fuck you, man. I'm right about what I want to write about when I say it or what I care about. That's all.

And what were the clubs used to go to when you first started? Like, where were the places that were around that? Laugh Factory. All right. All right. And the comedy store. and the improv. You know, I remember the improv. The improv was, man, it was, it was white, man. You remember Saturday night at the improv? I don't know if you, Joey, man, 1993, 94.

Man, and I remember the first time Bud had seen me, he made me a regular, man. It was like only two, three years into it. He made me a regular at the, at the improv. And my, and my first manager was, Probably a cat, you know, Dave Rath. That was your first manager? I was his first client, bro. I was his very... When I met you, you were with Bud's son. Yeah, Ross.

No, but Dave Rath, who went on, and I think he was all those alternative comics. Right. Right? Ceryl Silverman and all those people. But before all of them, I was... Because he was, I met him, I was doing a show called MTV Kamakazi. Okay, I know that show, Stan. You did that?

Yeah. Oh, my goodness. You weren't even fucking... No, I was a kid, bro. This was 93. Yeah. Around there. Yeah.

At this time, comedy was huge. Comedy was on MTV. Two shows. Yeah, yeah. They had two stand-up shows on MTV. You had Sunday morning comics on USA or something. You had evening at the improv. You had something on Saturday nights and Friday nights on NBC late.

Late. Comic strip live on Fox. Oh, my God. That's how it works. Why do you guys think that isn't more prevalent now? Because you would think with all the great comedy, like in the only show and not to shit on them, is the comics on Leaks thing. That show sucks balls. And Byron Allen's a dick, dude.

He's a, bro, I'm sorry, he treated me like shit when he was on his show. And he asked me, they asked me like 10 times to be on that. And I turned it down, bro. I don't want to do that show. I don't want to do that show. And then he did. And then I finally did it. and then they asked me, well, you know, what credits do you want to say?

Or what do you want to say? And I say, hey, say that I got a, at the time I had a Comedy Central special coming, right? And then the PA comes back and tells me, well, he says, he's not, he doesn't want to mention that. I go, why? Why doesn't he want to mention? I got a one hour special coming out of comedy. He goes, nobody's going to watch it. That's what he tells me.

He tells the PA. And I was like, you know what, tell him, tell him that I want him to say. say that man you know tell me tell them that that I said please to throw that out there so and then he bro he acts like he's this fucking rock star have you done that show bro they called me I passed it again I did it once I said fuck that

I'll never do that again bro and then he acts like he was sitting there I forgot what it was called but we did it in Santa Monica in a theater and it was called Comics.com remember have you seen that one it comes out late at night same type of bullshit that no I haven't seen that one Yeah, it's called Comics.com. Whatever, man.

It was like 2 billion comics, and the same audience was there from 8 o'clock in the morning to 8 o'clock the next day. Fucking, they looked like they were hungry and tired and dizzy. And then he's sitting in the director's chair. And bro, you would think it was like fucking big Hollywood producer, director or some shit, man. I was like, fuck this guy, man. That guy's never said a funny fucking thing in his life. Is he a comic or no?

He used to be. I never saw him perform, you know. So I remember one night they called me They go, they'll come into the store I want to see you for comics To unleash you got to be spotless clean I go listen Well when you come on the show

You have to give us a Anytime I do radio And they say to me What's your what are you calling it? What's your slipping? What's the material? So at seven of the morning You want me to talk about trains

And that's what they do on that show You're talking about sport It's terrible And it's the worst is the comics You're used as a credit That's the one that I'm like dog I ain't saying that I'm like dog

Fuck that. No, dog. Don't embarrass me. And there used to be like, what was the one Premium Blend on Comedy Central? They used to be that when I was growing up. Like, I think that was the first place when I saw it like Dane Cook, if I'm not mistaken. He's 26. Yeah, you're baby. Here, baby.

That's the first time I saw Felicia Michaels. On Comedy Comacazi? Comic. And then those days, you did Comedy Comacazi, MTV Comedy Hour. That taped in San Francisco. Yeah. And then you had, yeah, it was just. just a different time for comedy and I would sit there and cry and say I'm going to get on

stage I'm going to try and finally I got it you know but it was funny one of the first people I met when I came to LA was Willie at the two rooms right right at the uh the tequila's yeah that was Tuesdays yeah and Wednesdays was Gotham's right which became Southgate yeah yeah but tequila's is something different now yeah yeah some reason I drive past that place yeah Oh my god, that's a place. I don't forget the first time I went there. There'd be 300 people on a fucking Tuesday night

at these places. And Willie was the navigator. Willie, you know, they gave you a thing. You had to send me and get $40. Willie, I'd give you an extra $5, bro. I was supposed to give everybody drink tickets. I kept them all.

It was so much fucking fun. And, you know, you think of, like you said, and you know, I've been doing Connolly for 24 years, but there was certain places that really helped you. Yeah. I took the Wayans brothers down there, bro. In the hood.

I took Chris Tucker down there back in the day. And that was ghetto-ass room. Man, hey, bro. Those cholo's weren't playing, man. Isn't it? It's kind of weird because you've told stories about, like, how there's different rooms and comics have shows. Like, it's kind of, it doesn't really make sense.

I mean, it works. But, like, just because you're a comic, and then now you're producing a show, like it doesn't seem like you'd be good at it. No, you're really good. at it. No, I wasn't really producing bro. Yeah, that's what they say. Yeah, yeah. I would just tell

a friend go, hey, get five comics, bro, I'll give you 30 bucks. So the other guy wasn't, hey man, come on. You do 10 minutes. You call, you know, call a bunch of guys. And then I would just get up on stage and do, you know, I would always stay out too long. Do you guys recommend those shows? Because every

once in a while, I'll see on Facebook, somebody post something like that. And like, I mean, it's not, maybe I shouldn't think it's right. It's not the comedy show or, but like, I The improv. Yeah, so, like, maybe I shouldn't go there. They're going to be bad. Yeah, no, there's a great show.

Those are great shows. Because those guys are headed to the comedy. Like, I used to do Willys to go to the comedy store. Like, listen, man, let me tell you something. Willie, Rudy, Casalatina. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, all these guys booked the same rooms. Then one got fired and the other guy picked that up.

But all those rooms developed me. I remember when I lost, I remember, like, four or five, about seven years ago when we lost all those rooms. Yeah. I used to say, what the fuck is going on with my money? Because those rooms were an extra 3, 400 a week. That's 1,600 a fucking month. Going here, picking up a 50.

Go in here picking up 100. Somebody's got a buck in a quarter. Somebody's got 80. Somebody's got 75. Sebastian's got 63. Sebastian always give you 60 with three singles. I'll catch you with the other two next week. You know, there was always something, but those things kept you alive.

Yeah. Those rooms, you know, listen, man, when you're a comic, the goal is to do, and I'm not kidding you. Willie's my Willie, we do three, four sets at night. When you live in New York,

you do six sets a night. You start at eight and you go through three if you want. So it's not just one. That's what I'm saying to you. I was getting soft lately.

Because, Willie, with the five shows I got to do on the road, Thursday through Saturday, five shows, I've got to give it my all. Talk to people, smoke pot,

sign autographs, take pictures. You know, then I got two podcasts at six in the morning. I'm trying to work out every fucking day. Now I got the wife,

the kid, writing, I'm trying to write a, book, you know, so at night you got to cut something out. So I said, you know what, maybe I can handle it without the, without going on during the week. So I'll go on on Thursday, and everything

I wrote from Sunday to Thursday, I'll just work it out on Thursday. So if I do an hour and a half on Thursday, nobody gives a shit, I don't like doing an hour one half, but I try everything. Right, right. But see what where you're fucking up, bro, is not, it's not recording. Not recording, because how can, because you know, that

that, man, sometimes haven't you even noticed you, you say a bit, and the fucking bit crushed and then you do the bit what you think is exactly the same and it kind of, it dies or there's not, or there's like that C laugh, like kind of a

ha ha laugh, not like, not a fucking laugh. It's funny because whenever I go with him, I'll say something at the end like, oh, you did that bit different and I'd be like, I did that bit. So, yeah, it's like you don't even remember this stuff because it's not it's not the same, but like I won't remember stuff we say in the podcast. I'm like,

what podcast was that story from? and I don't remember telling the story. You know, I should tape myself. Joey, if you miss, like, it's exactly what Lee said, man. If you miss, like, a little nuance, you know, maybe there was a little delay in between the words, and that killed it. You know, you know what I mean?

Maybe you just said it faster, but if you do not, man, if you, you know. You tape on a tape recorder or yourself on that? I know. I have, like, a little tape recorder, man. That's about three inches in the, you know, and I just put it by a table next. to me. And yeah, and that's my homework, man. That's all, that's actually half my writing when people go, that I'm writing, because I couldn't, like, to sit down and ride and write, like, you know,

for three, four hours, I get bored. So I break it, I break in listening to, you know, the sets that I've done. And I listen to them and, and, man, I just did, okay, who was there, man? I was at the John Lovitz Club on a Saturday night about four weeks ago. I did an hour. I fucking ate it, bro. I'm fucking... But I knew it. I knew I was going to eat it. I was ready for it.

But I said, I have to get all this stuff out so I can start working on it. Right. You know what I mean? I have to get it out. I just go. Fuck it. Just to see the verbi. Just to see a look on their face.

If there's even something. I'd rather start it that way. There's times I will write something. Like just now, I wrote Jews are allergic to peanuts. To me, that's funny. Right. You know how long? You know how I'll put that in a fuck.

A fucking notebook before I go on stage. All right. It's 8.6. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do the Hitler joke. I'm going to do the Cuban joke. I'm going to do the Jews don't like penis. Right.

For a month, I'll get up and I'll do these first two jokes. But I'll miss Jews. And it infuriates, man. You know what? Carry, listen, you're not an open micer, bro. You're established as a comic. And the audience knows that you're a comic, man. So I think what we've earned and what I've done, man, I'll take out a little index card and I'll just look really quick.

I'll say, hold on guys, man. You guys don't want to hear the whole shit you've been hearing all the time. Hold on. I'll put it back and I'll go, look. So, you know, because I don't want to do that set. And it's like the guys that, Joey, we know these guys, man, the ones that have done the same exact hour from beginning to end for the last 20 years. It kills you. You know?

It kills you. And then after, and then I think, I really think that's how common. end up wanting to kill themselves, man. You know? Because think about it. It's like having to go up there and sing the exact, like a band, exact same three songs every time. You get depressed, man.

You go back to, you don't feel like it's real. You know, when people go, hey, you were funny. You're a creative. You get a pat on the back or people shake your hands. You feel like a weasel, man. You feel like you're a fucking little sneak, you know? because it's the same shit. You really want to go, love, bro, man.

I did that shit. I've been doing it for 10 years, you know. How'd you come up with that? You ever do a bit you've been doing forever? How'd you come up with that? When'd you write that? I've had it 15 years, bro. But no, honestly, you know, going back to not having a healthy mind

and not having a healthy mind, I think bombing keeps me healthy. The fact it keeps it fresh to me, you know. It's almost like I give the audience something. give them, I'll play some of the hits you know, and then I'll play something for me. That's what I do. I like that too. I like that. And then I can see the audience, like,

sometimes like, you can see them like, well, where's that going? And you want it to go somewhere. But you kind of want to stop and go, look, motherfuckers, I want it, I want it to be funny too, all right? You're not the only ones disappointed, motherfuckers. You know, I'm disappointed too.

But look, this is, I'm going to give you something now. I'm going to give you a cookie. All right? you do an old joke that then they're all happy and then you sneak in some other shit. Right? But if you butt, but here's Joey, here's what I think you're missing out because

you're missing out that little step is recording it, bro. And that's you know, that's where a lot of comics, I've heard that before too. I, man, you know, I hate listening to my voice. And then... You think I sit at home and watch the longest year? I can't watch myself either.

Right. I can't watch myself even. The other night I had the remote control. away from me and the long is sharp my wife is going through the chance he goes uh-oh you're making money again and just me hearing my voice I was like get that shit off I don't know where's it and I was ready to fucking

break the TV I don't want to see my I don't want to hear now I thought that was a problem until about five years ago and one that I had letterman on and what's a good looking guy comic no no no just actor yeah I forget

Brad Pitt no the guy uh whatever it grew straight street what's that what's that show he did when we were kids now he's I don't even know Jesus fuck anyway he was on there

Pirates of the Caribbean Johnny Depp was on there Johnny Depp was on there Johnny Depp who is a fucking beautiful man and so he goes I fuck him so he goes so

Lettman's talking and he goes so what did you you know after the movie did you watch it what did you think and he goes What And Levin goes did you watch He goes, I don't watch nothing.

Yeah. I don't watch the dailies. He goes, wait a second. What do you mean? He goes, I don't want to none. The last guy I want to see on stage or here, isn't me? When I hear it, and David Levin's like, whoa, this is bizarre. And he goes, I'm telling you, I don't watch nothing.

I'm not De Niro. De Niro watches everything. Look at my hand. Let's shoot it again because my hand went up just an inch too much. That's De Niro. When you work with De Niro, that's how he does. No, no joy, I don't like your eyebrow. Okay, if you watch inside the actor's studio,

took fucking 10 hours to stab Tommy in the trunk because he didn't like the noise. He didn't like the way the noise. So how to get the right noise. I mean, you know, he's just fucking nuts. But I think this is a little different. I'll tell you why. Because when you're doing stand-up versus acting,

you know, I can see that. I can see why you wouldn't want to watch yourself. I've heard a lot of actors don't want to do that. But in stand-up, you're writing a script. Joey. You're writing a script. It's your script. You know that you're writing for yourself. You know, in acting, they gave you a script and you're going to perform it. Here, you're writing your own script. You know what I'm saying? So how are you going to write a good script if you don't listen to it and try to, you know, you know, move bits, you know, or cut bits or or get ideas for other bits? I think that's a little different because you're writing your movie. You're really doing, when you're on state, you're an hour. You know, when you go out your movie, it's an hour. So I think if you look at it that way, that you have to have that discipline of listening to yourself so you can write your movie.

You don't want your movie to be shitty. You want your movie to be fucking to hit. Do you guys ever think about like Joey, you give Willie your recordings for the week, Willie, you give Joey. And that way it's kind of like a peer review or something like that. And then you could listen to someone else and get another look at it. No, you know, that's hard. That's hard. You know, I've done it for one guy.

I'm going to tell you something. And I don't want to mention his name. And he had a special. And it was successful. But I think that's the, I think, you know, if there's any way that I can work with anybody else, that other person has to be there. Because we could say, stop. Listen, bro, did you hear that? Did you hear that?

Did you hear nothing? Okay, let's rewind it. We rewind it. We go, boom, do you hear that? Do you see how? Did you think you paused too long? Do you think if you would just want to, you know, or? or you get other ideas.

Do you know what I mean? If you're talking about something, you go, oh, man, you talked about, you know, you and your wife, man. Why don't you talk about how you're, the same shit used to happen to your girlfriend. And then, you're right. You know what I mean? So I could work that way. But going, going. Me listening and then sending it to hand and calling them back with notes, that don't work.

Okay. That doesn't work. You know, in my mind, I know what you're saying. It's really amazing. When did you get so writing savvy in your career? What year did you get right? Did you read a book before this? I know you read a lot of books on writing,

but when was the first time? What was the first book you read on comedy writing? Okay, well, the one that really got me going was, I mean, there was a lot of, I guess it's Lenny Bruce's book. Lenny, that's what got me going. That one got me with. And then his special, when you listen to his special in Carnegie Hall? The black and white one?

Yeah, yeah. It's, well, I have the, it's audio. Okay. And he's in Carnegie Hall, and he talks about missing, missing the plane, trying to get to this gig. And what I liked about it, that he just starts, he just starts talking, right? He starts talking and he goes, hey, what if, you know, it's, it's midnight right now. What if the owner doesn't even know we're here? And, you know, he's just talking.

And then it's quiet. and then somebody yells out, you know, like, hey, bro, blah, right? Like an Italian kind of guy, he yells out, like, yeah, do that bit, you know? And he goes, and he goes, and he started talking about, what do you mean that bit? He goes, that bit doesn't make, move me anymore. He goes, I can't do the same bit, you know, because I got to create new stuff. And when I started reading about him and then when I got to the last, and then when his book, when I got to his last chapter, I really connected.

When you get to his last chapter, Joey, he talks about how when he was doing, was it, Tonight Show, I think it was, Jack Parr? Jack Parr. Yeah, he talks about how he hated it. He goes, I hate doing five minutes because you have to be so, you have to be so contrived. And it's got to be joke one, joke two, joke three. And he goes, I fucking hate that. I don't feel free.

He goes, I much rather do an hour, you know? And when I'm reading it, I go, you know, I've done many Tonight shows. And I did the one hour at the time, and I connected with that. And then I realized that in order for me to write and create, because fear, fear of not working anymore made me right a lot, Joey. Fear of not, because after my one hour special on Comedy Central, the producer came up to me and said, hey, Willie, and I was so, I was pumped up, you know, I just had a one hour special.

And he goes, hey, Willie. He goes, you know, your special's on on this date, man. And I say, yeah. He goes, you know what's going on the following week, right? I go, no, what? He goes, some other guy special. And I thought about that. Oh, no shit.

Once my special's done, that's it. And then how many guys have we known have they done one hour? And then we've never heard of them again. And I didn't want that. I don't want that I died, you know? You go through that comedy death where you don't, you don't, you don't, the people don't hire you. you anymore, you know, because they think, oh, man, oh, yeah, it's that same old shit that we heard. So that's what, that's, I think the fear, the fear of not, uh, wanting, somebody not wanting to

see me or, or not getting that chance again, it's got me to write. And then, and then I write many different ways, man. I do, I do like 10 different things, Joey, to keep myself from getting bored, all right. I don't have one way when I go right. Like, if I go to the diner, okay one day I'll go I'll have a premise like right now it happens to be assholes man

there's a book right now called assholes that just that you can oh really yeah yeah and the guy who wrote it is got like

a degree from Harvard or look it up man find the the guy it's called assholes and he talks about how people become assholes and so

a lot of it has to do with entitlement right people become entitled when they're little oh you're special you know you're so people grow up with this idea

thinking they're special when the reality they're fucking not man we're all in this this earth trying to coexist with each other and and and be thoughtful one of another the fact that your parents put it in your head that you're special is a fucking lie right so i'm writing this thing about assholes man do you find the book by aaron james absolutely there's the book man by erin james and uh so what i'll do is since i'm writing about assholes i'll buy a book okay I'm gonna buy a book. This guy wrote a great book about assholes. So I'll read 20 minutes on what he has to say about assholes, right?

So there goes 20 minutes. Because I have ADD, man. No? Okay, I read. And then another 30, 40 minutes, I'll write a premise. How many assholes have I ran into in my life? And I'll write one sentences, one through 20. You know what I mean?

This guy was an asshole. I remember when I was a kid. I remember I had an uncle that was a dick. this, you know what I mean? And I keep writing Byron Allen, I don't know, I'll write, like people who and now I have 20 sentences. And I leave that alone, right?

And then, hey, I'll put 30, 40 minutes until listening to an old set that I have in my recording. And then I'll listen to... And then that's how I keep from getting fucking bored, bro. See, when I first started, I was a type of guy that was

a single in an old book, got a fucking coffee shot. Fucking eight hours with the pencil. in your mouth writing one word at a time and for years I got the Sky Race. Right. Well it's hard to do it that way. Were you trying to write funny Joey? Were you actually trying to... But were you

when you put the pen to the paper, were you trying to create funny? I don't know what the fuck I was creating. I was creating a premise but when I realized seven or eight years ago was that I put my comedy notebook here I took another notebook where I just wrote. every day was a chapter in Joey Diaz's life and brother by exercising this

oh fuck I write this oh in the third grade oh shit you follow me and I realize you're a muscle it's a muscle and that's made me that's really helped me that's something that I had to learn on my own because I got sick and tired oh my god there's cocaine in this pen

you know what I'm saying I got thick and fucking tired of tasting that fucking pen at a coffee shop and drinking three fucking coffees, but I knew the importance of sitting down. I think it was, wasn't it, Stephen King on writing, he said, you have to sit out. Yeah. Sometimes it's the end of the two hours

that something comes up, but sit out. Don't worry about it. Leave two hours, sit out. And that's what I've done, and it's helped me, but now I've got to get the fuck out of the house. I've got to get out at night. Like now I'm starting to,

I'm switching this whole thing around for the fucking winter. If I want to shoot a special, this December, 13 minutes towards a special. Bro, listen, man. I've seen you, I went to go, first of all, I've seen you on the road

with working with you. And there's something, man. Joey's the only guy, and I don't know where I got the balls to do this, man. I'm surprised he didn't fucking grab me and fucking showed me, you know, into a wall. But we were working Texas, and it's like 10 years ago.

It could have been longer. And I said, Joey, man, you mind not being so dirty? You know? And the reason I, you know why I said that? And I told you, we talked about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I didn't have the balls, man, to follow him.

I couldn't follow Joey. Joy was just like a beast. And then I used to try to go up there. And one time I just couldn't do it. And then that's the only time. And I felt so, I felt like such a scumbag asking you that. That years later, we're at a club and we're, you know, and I called them over and I say,

Hey, Joy, do you remember like about eight years ago? and man I apologize for that I never I never forgot it and it bothered me forever because I don't do that I don't do that anybody man you know what I mean

like hey don't do that bit I don't give a fuck but Joey Joe come on but I know you've heard that okay I had the balls to be honest with you and confront you and apologize

but come on bro you know a lot of comics I've told you that that's it that when if they were going to follow you or whatever they would say you know maybe I'm maybe I'm wrong

maybe I'm the only one but I'm sure you've had other guys go, Hey, Joy, can you tone it down a little bit? I had a couple of guys do it. See? And I got to be honest to you. Let me be honest with you. Between you and me, as brothers,

I don't remember. I was probably in a cocaine case. I don't remember you telling me, but I wasn't, you know, you'd come up to me 15 times and go, be clean. I'm not going to be clean. I'm not going to tame it down for you a little bit. You're my brother. There's been a couple people I've done it to me.

I've lost all respect. No, I get it, I get it, bro. Because they weren't, and then the most guy was Rocky Laporte. Oh. Rocky Laporte, I worked with him in the Dallas Improbin one time in Rascals, and it was just every time I came in the next night, somebody pulled me aside and said, hey, he don't want you to improvise. Oh.

Hey, he don't want you to curse. Yeah. Hey, he doesn't want you to. It was a horror week to laugh finally had to go up to him and go, let's switch checks. You told me? Yeah, let's switch checks. What are you talking about? Let's switch checks, bro.

because you don't deserve the check you get. How much do you guys think about that? Because you're trying to make money, you're doing it as a career. So part of you has to make the audience, like it has to do something that the audience will like. But you also can't only, I'm assuming you can't only do something to pander to them

because if, like, let's say, Joey, if you were only... The first time you pander in this business, you lost. It's over for you. Okay. The first time you pander in this business, business, it's over for you. I was watching something the other night. The fuck was I watching.

Oh, I was reading Sam Kennyson's book on the plane, Brother Sam, where he went after, he went to, he did Saturday Night Live, he was doing the thing, he went to the rehearsal, he did two jokes, they called him in the room, and they said, don't do those two jokes. He said, okay, and when he walked out of his brother, he goes, you're not going to do him, he goes, fuck them. And he did the two jokes, they banned him for life. Tortukov stuck up for him, took the band out and made him the host of Santa Night Live

two months later. The most interesting story I heard Kevin Fitzgerald. Kevin Fitzgerald in Denver, the veterinarian, was on stage one night doing a fucking joke about marijuana. And when he got off,

a guy came up to him and said, Mr. Hicks doesn't want you doing that joke tomorrow night. Tomorrow night came. He did it. Mr. Hicks

signed them up and took him on the road for two years. That's a true story. You follow me? Any comic knows. I've lost work. You know, I've lost work over it, whatever. I wasn't designed to be there, so it's fine. That's how I look at it in my mind.

One thing I want to talk to Willie about, I've always loved you, Willie, and I love you dearly. You know, I'm very lonely out here at times, but I'm lonely for men. I'm lonely for, you know, I got Lee under my wing, now. So he'll make it, but Lee knows what I'm talking about. I'm short of, in LA and the comedy scene, we have a shortness of men.

We have comics, we have male comedians who are hysterical. And then when you see them, they act like cunts at the comedy clubs, because they probably got a special or whatever. But in this field, we have a shortness of men because a real man wouldn't work in comedy. And you look at me going, Joey, but Bill Burr and at men. Men who look at each other and what they say they mean and what they mean they say. And when they come to you and they talk to you as a man, you have to respect them because that's how they talk to you. We're in a business that's very faggy, it's very fucking hypocritical.

The people that you comics love, oh my God, they're a bunch of fucking hypocrites and they don't have balls. They've lost their balls. When I see a comic I knew 10 years ago when he has a little success and he won't talk to me now, he lost his balls. I threaten his fucking well-being. That's what you're telling me. Guess what I'm going to do now? I'm going to fuck with you. My natural instincts are going to fuck with you

because you're threatened by my... You understand me? You're too worried about your money. You know, we were friends. We drove to open mics together. You ever have guys you drove to open mics together? And all of a sudden they get a TV show and you see them and they don't look at you?

Yeah. You threaten them as a human being. One thing about Willie, one thing about... I can name three comics. Out of all the fucking assholes you guys watch, I can name Willie. and maybe one of the guy that were men. When I say men, and for years while I was here,

I wasn't a man because the cocaine had taken my balls away. Because God forbid I would make a stink and not be able to go home and smell cocaine. But after Marilyn died, before she died, I had a long talk of myself, and I got my balls back. And part of the thing that got me through the cocaine, Willie, you know how bad I was, was that I had to become a man again.

And the first night I became a man was when I went to the comedy store, I went after Jeff Valdez. That was my night to make a manhood comeback. That was my... And a lot of people were mad at me for that. A lot of people won't do business with me for that. A lot of people have taken me off the chart. Neil didn't like me.

That's why when Montoya called me again, I don't want to do nothing for him because Neil didn't like me because of that. Fuck you. I don't want to do business with you either. You fucking gunt. I don't want to do business with you either. I was sticking up for a friend. I was sticking up for a friend,

and I was sticking up for... in my cultural thing that he had insulted us. When a Jew comes to me and says he wants to help me. I'm not insulting you, Lee. I'm just talking about a general manager or a general agent. An Irish guy, so nobody gets insulted. When an Irish guy comes to me and he says he wants to do something. And I'm using this on the other side also.

Lee, if a Cuban guy comes to you and proposes a deal to you and the deal goes sour, it's sour. But when a Jew comes to you and fucks you in the ass, it hurts a little more. Okay, it hurts. Why? Because he's a thwart. fucking Jew and you're supposed to be brothers. He's supposed to be looking out for you.

When I went after Jeff Valdez, I felt he wasn't looking out after us. He wasn't looking out after us. We never really had a voice. Every time a Latin comic gets a little bit of a voice, they lose it because God forbid something happens to them. They forget who the fuck they are. And I was sick and tired of it.

Somebody had to say something to this motherfucker. And I saw him at the church. I saw him at the church. And I would kill him at the church. But my Catholicism was too strong. I got my corner. I was going to karate. And Kempo Karate then.

I went to you. I went with you. I saw you at a class. See? I was Taekwondo. I was sunset. Yeah. With his son.

This is how long ago this was. One thing I've always admired about you, Willey. That I don't like the rest of these fucking cunts in this comedy game. You've always been a man. You stuck to your word. What you feel you believe. I mean, let's get it out of the way. You told fucking Mitchie Shaw.

Hey, what the fuck? Look at me. And you were banned from the comedy. Let's say, everybody knows, Willing. We'll talk about it on here. Yeah. You've always fought for yourself. You know that you've always had to stick up for yourself.

Like me, I don't have a voice. Yeah. You know, I'm, you know, the podcast has done well and the jokes and people come to the shows now. But as far as, you know, everything I've gotten, I've had a fucking clawed, you know. You know, in this town, if, and I'm just using his name, let's say, Judah Freeland. Judah Freeland gets the longest yard. They got billboards, people taking a... out the dinner, the agents, nobody did nothing.

And I got that movie from scratch. I went, in my coped-up mine, I put a helmet on and a fucking football uniform. There was two sizes, too small. I used American ingenuity. Something that these fucking cunts don't respect anymore, because nobody does that shit. I went to Vermont two years ago.

I was going to Kung Fu with the black guys, and it's a homeless area. And a lot of homeless people lived there. And as I got out of the car and I was walking to Kung Fu, I looked at the corner where a homeless guy used to live, We used to have his pictures there, his family. I'm not trying to be funny. In the corner, there was a subway sandwich pointed upward.

It was a 12-inch, but it was a 6-inch. And I looked at it and I go, bro, he's bossy with all these homeless people there. But if you look close, there was a little piece of shit in front of the sandwich. You had taken a piece of shit in front of the sandwich. That's American ingenuity, bro. That's American ingenuity. You understand me? That's what you need to do to survive in this world.

That's what a lot of people do not have. They don't have that thought that, you know what? Willie doesn't want to see me for a movie. Guess what? I'm better than Willie. I'm going to fucking show him. And I put the fuck... They told me that they wanted to see star names.

We got Tony Saragusa and Big Pussy. You know what? They're actors. I'm funny. I've done half-time of a Buffalo Sabre game. I've earned my right. I followed Paul Mooney for fucking two years. I've earned who the fuck I am.

And I believed in what I believed in, and I got it. That's ingenuity. You know what I'm saying? It's balls, man. And I think what you're going to, who would want to hear this is any young comics thinking of coming to L.A. or New York, you got to have, and we say, and I know what, and I think some people misinterpret what you say balls, because balls, anybody, any monkey can have balls. They're all in jail. We're talking about mental balls. Mental balls. The balls that what keeps you getting up in the morning and saying, fuck it, today, it's going to get better. Today, I'm gonna write a better bit. What motherfuckers you see in LA that was Stars, Willie? That went to Montreal and got $6 million thousand dollars.

That variety wrote an article about him. They're gone, dog. I don't know one kid came here. He had a follow advice when I at the store. You could hear the crack. His managers were there. You know when the managers show up? When four guys show up, oh, my God.

It's so exciting. And your client fucking dies. That motherfucker walk. He was one of those good-looking dudes that comes to town with six minutes. And they give him a half a million. Then they got him up at the store. by mistake because you don't bring those little faggots to the fucking store. You bring those little fruitcakes to the improv or the laugh factory.

You don't bring those fucking faggots to the store. They put that little motherfucker behind dice. You could hear his spine cracking from the fucking outs 20 feet away. You know, that's that's the fucking story, you know. But it's you need a, you need, you're right, it's mental balls. It's when I wake up in the morning. It's whatever I write when I get up. When I go in the shower, I'm like, I don't want to go to the store, can I?

Willie's fucking the pie can't Fuck that I got the biggest dick in this fucking room You know what I'm saying that's mental balls I slept in a car Willie my car got towed My apartment got towed And then I would sneak in and take shits and showers at Ralphie Mays house Or Josh Wool's house or you know, what kept you out here Willie

What kept you getting up every morning, Willie? Man, I grew up poor bro I mean I guess I guess and I for me you know I've heard Okay, I saw a good interview with Sugar Ray Leonard, and they asked Sugar Ray Leonard, hey, how come, you know, none of your kids boxed? You know, how come you didn't, would you like any of your kids to have been boxers? And he goes, no, man. And he said, you know why?

Because to be a boxer, you got to be hungry. You got to, you got to know a hunger that regular people don't know about. And you and me, I mean, you know, I mean, when I was a kid, man, I was born in Mexico, bro. You're right? We came here when I was five. I used to slang oranges in East L.A. Now, I know what it is to go to bed hungry, you know what I mean? And I just don't want to be hungry, man.

I don't want to be, I don't want to be like, you know that hunger when you're a kid. And I think that hunger in your ballet, it gives you mental balls not to quit, you know. And it's funny because I have two teenage sons and they're in baseball guys. I want them to have that hunger. They can't have that hunger that I had, but they can have a little bit of it. Do you know what I mean, bro? Like, like, come on, man. no one's going to give you shit bro you gotta go get it yourself they're like yeah yeah yeah yeah can

get 20 bucks for gas you know you know what I mean I mean they're still tough they still have but not that fucking hunger bro where you hear like that you know the things that make us come from nothing you know that's that's what keeps me how was your father Willie no why he my my uh my my mom left him when I was uh six five five six six six I've seen him no no he died man so he died So I just grew up with a mom in L.A. A single tough mom. Yeah, single tough mom. Yeah, she's fucking, she's fucking crazy.

She's still with you? Yeah, yeah. I remember getting my ass kick when I was 12. And my little Asian friend, and he went and we were like two blocks from my house. And he ran over there. And he told my mom, hey, they're beating up your son. And she told, his name was Simon, Simon Lee. And she told Simon, well, tell them to hurry up and kick his ass because I got to be at work.

And I half hour. So he ran back and said, Willie's mom said to hurry up so he can get home. And those motherfuckers kept me there like another, you know, whatever, however longer was, long enough for her to walk down. And she slapped all these little motherfuckers around and then slapped me around. And she goes, motherfucker, then I, she's yelling at them. Hey, didn't I tell you to her him kick his ass? And she grabbed me by my hair and she fucking, like, you know, pushing me home, you know. You know, hey, didn't worry about whether I won,

whether I lost, whether I got to go. No, hey, I told him to let you go and fucking, you know, I got to go to work. So that's the kind of, my mind. The reason why I ask you about your father is, one thing I know about you, you're a great comic, but you're also a great father. I think that comes from not having a dad, bro.

I knew that sometimes I was fucking up. You know? Because you, I told everybody. I remember telling people, you know, when I was a kid, Mr. Vanichick was the father in my neighborhood. He was a big father. And whenever you saw Mr. Vanichek and his son, Richie, the guy I hung out with, it was tremendous. Like, Richie would have to stand straight.

Hands on. I'm not kidding. You're not kidding. You couldn't talk unless you were spoken to. You know, and the first time I met your boys, they were. Oh, yeah, they were like 10 and 8. They were jihis. You saw him for jih Tjitsu.

You took him to 9th planet with any... 10th planet with any problem. Every brother. 10th planet. And I knew him even before that. But the first time I saw him, they were both. attention. And when I walked up to Willie and hugged him, Willie said, this is Mr. Diaz. Shake their hand. And in Spanish, that's big. When you know, it's da la man. That's how mom's treat you. That's la mamma. No ayahuas. You know, give them your hand. And they both put their hand up. They were like quiet, you know, and they both looked at me. Hi, Mr. Diaz. And I left there fucking impressed as fuck. I was like, fucking Willie's a great comment. But he's a great dad because Willie knows.

really knows you gotta stay on top of your fucking kids. You gotta be respectful, man. You gotta be respectful. Respect goes along. Respectful, gratitude, uh, you know,

you know, your word, you know, I mean, it sounds corny, you know, Scarface said it years ago, and it might sound corny,

but people that grew up in the hood where they actually know like people that died or have cousins that have died or been killed and, or, you know what I mean,

you know that, that you just be, being an honest dude can keep you from any of that shit. Just, you know what I mean? Just, you know, if you, I know guys that have done drugs forever, but they know, okay, I bought this much drugs, I got to pay that motherfucker back. And those are the ones that are still alive,

25, 30 years later, the guys that died that we know that got died, that got, they murdered, it was like, well, what happened? I mean, he owed him 30 bucks, right? He owed that guy 10 bucks. So I tell him like, that, And that relates to now with my kids. It's funny, man. I got kicked out of the punchlines forever.

They don't let me back, bro. And I was there for a long time. I was there at the punch nights. I was at the Sacramento one. I was at the – what's that? The other one in San Francisco. I always – I mean, I was welcomed, man. And then three years ago, I was working on New Year's with a comedian named Al Maldrigal.

right and he was co-headlining but he went on first right and then I went on after and they had it was New Year's right we're co-headlining so he had a D's there was a DJ in the side because when it was New Year's the DJ

was going to play music right so there's this little kid man the kid had to be like between 19 and 21 years old the DJ and you could tell the kid was just so happy to be there the place was packed and El Maldrigal gets up there and he goes hey man before I start this

comedy, you, he called them you. He didn't say like, hey, bro, nothing. So you, you have to leave. And I can see the kids had, like, his smile went away. And he goes, you have to get out. And then the kid, now the kid's like, like, confused. And he goes, I'm telling everybody here right now. And he got in this high horse. I was like, what the fuck, bro? I thought you were, you know, one of the people, you know, like a regular dude. Because I want you, I will not start this. And then he goes, just want everybody here to know that I will not start this until you leave. You have to leave, then I'll start. So I'm back there with my wife. You know, me and my wife, I was trying to get her back at the time. We had all those problems.

And I looked and I said, you see what I mean? Because he's, Al Madrigal is Mexican, right? But he grew up very rich and proper and doesn't know anything about the hood, right? And I get it. Not everybody has to be from the hood. But I told my wife. And one of the reasons me and my wife had broken up was because she wanted them just on the west side of like, like, you know, the schools and she had Willie playing violin on this side. And the other one was playing piano and I would take them to boxing in South Central, man. You know what I mean? And my wife was like, you know, you're crazy. You know, I don't like the way you're raising the boys. And I says, I don't want them to be socially retarded, man. You know what I mean? I don't want them to be

socially. I want them to be able to hang out with the white guys, the Jewish guys over here. you know, how you doing, you know, to be able to articulate. But at the same time, if they're, you know, with some homies, they don't act like they're fucking lost. They're like, hey, what's up, bro? They get two education. Yeah. It's two education. I wanted both.

And they have both, man, because I've seen it. I've seen them around homies, and they're, they don't drop. You know, they're the same way, same love, same hug, same way they'll talk to, you know, a Jeffrey. You know what I mean? For whatever. I'm just saying, not that all guys are named Jeffrey. I hate to be fucking stereotypical like that. But, you know, and then, so I told my wife, I go, you see what I'm talking about?

See that, see on that comedian, he only saw one side of the street, man. You know, look how bad, look at the kid, because the kid was standing like 20 feet from us. So I go on stage, after he did his hour, and I go, hey kid, come back up here. Come back. What's your favorite record, man? What the fuck do you like to play? And play your favorite record, and I'm going to sit here and something. Bring me a beer.

Because while you're playing your favorite record, I'm going to sip on my favorite. beer because if anybody has ever been to a Mexican wedding or a kinseniera, the DJ is always by the stage and the crowd went fucking nuts, man, right? They're fucking yeah, because I brought the kid back and then I have the microphone and I'm talking to my wife back there and I go, hey babe, honey, you see what I'm talking about? I don't want my kids to grow up socially retarded, man. And then Al Maldrigo got the mic from the back and he goes, who's socially retarded? Because I think you're retarded. And he goes, hey, bro, I go, listen, man. And in my head I was thinking, I wasn't even thinking at him.

I was thinking of my relationship with my wife. You see? And it was kind of collateral damage, you know? And I was going to apologize to him afterwards. And I did. When it was all said and done, I get it. He turned off the mic on me. He did some, but the audience still loved me, bro.

You know what I mean? I was hitting him, bro. So I was done. And I went back there and I said, hey, Maldry, can we talk? And we talked like men, right? Like you say, bro. And this has happened to me a lot with these fucking assholes in Hollywood. They're so fucking phony.

I said, Elle, look in my eyes. I'm apologizing to you, bro. There's a lot of things going on at the time my wife was leaving me, man. I go, but I don't have the time to explain to him the whole fucking story. I just had time to say I'm sorry. I was wrong. Completely out of line, man. Can we shake hands?

He goes, Willie, the fact that you're apologizing and this and that, you know, that means a lot to me, man. And I go, well, the fact that you accept my apology means a lot to me, man. So we shook hands, really nice. It was, I felt forgiven, bro. I fought forgiven. I felt forgiven. And then three days later, I get a call from my agent. They never want you at the punchlines again because El Madrigal said that you threatened him.

And I go, we shook hands. We hugged. That motherfucker, bro. But you know what? I don't hold grudges because I used to. you know, let it be, you've seen me in asking one guy, I had another problem with another comic,

in front of you, I went up to the guy and I said, hey, bro. I've seen that, and you put your hand down like a man. I said, hey, man. Makes I don't want to shake your hand. Okay, go fuck you something. Now, you know, if the world is that thing and you're next to me,

I'm gonna punch in the fucking head again, just out of principle. Not, dog, I have a big problem with a lot of comedians. Yeah, I have a big problem. Their attitudes, their attitudes, their attitudes, they think like they walk on water, and we all put our pants on one like at a time. And I had the same problem.

I'm on sets and I've straightened people out on sets too I've taken you know I go on sets there's no food I pay fucking 2000 a year to sag for fucking you you better bring some fucking food here you know I don't give a fuck where's the apples bitch I go there on a Sunday you got crackers and and apple juice that don't cut it so I've made scenes and people don't want to hire me and I haven't made scenes I've tried to talk to people as a man because that's how I was right I talked to you for a second wait come over here well you gotta get it together whatever no you know in this town it gets flipped around.

You know what, man? I think what makes a lot of these guys such weasels, man. I think a lot of them do show up to L.A. as solid guys. Yes, yes. They sell their soul. But I think the game, the managers and the agents, and they start realizing, hey, fuck,

if I don't get ahead of that guy, somehow, some way, I'm not going to make it. You know? So they start being. sneaky and I think what it does is it starts watering itself and then before you know it it's just your lifestyle

you're just a fucking asshole you're just the fucking asshole you're just the fucking like you know and I'm to the point in my life where I could look at somebody and go look at that fucking fake motherfucker and I'll play him out too whatever I'll wait for him to you know and whenever you go to auditions you always see people

Joey Diaz oh my god you're so fucking funny yeah but you book a room you never call me and they look at you oh but get the fuck away from me go over there Do you guys think it's money? Because it's not every rich person, but some of the worst tips I ever got as a server were from people with a black card. The American Express black card, they've to spend $100 grand a year on.

And I got stiffed by one of them. And it's not all of them because there are some great rich people who tip well. But to me, in my experience, working retail, the richer they are, the more rude they are. Or they're not tip as well. They're entitled. They're entitled. They're entitled. They're entitled.

How many times I go somewhere the other day and there's a lady with the fucking with the Lam Rover with the yoga tights and giving orders at the coffee shop? Yeah, yeah. I pick this off the thing and then the girl said some.

The redhead, the key redhead said at Marie E.T. Said some. She goes, no, we don't do that here. Well, all right, get the fuck out. You know, and I look at it and I go, you know whose fault that is? The husband. Because the husband knows she's a fucking

cunt and he sicks her out of society with that fucking land rove in those things instead of making that fucking cunt get a job you know I see it I see it I go to listen I go to the park every afternoon I got an 18 month though let me tell you something half that park in Studio City is Mexican

fucking maids with their kids let me tell you something my mother was a fucking drug addict my mother owned the bar she drank she ran a bookie operation she always had time to take me to the fucking park okay she always had time to take me to go see the Harlem Globetriders my mom would make me

fucking fight at the park like where's my mom i have a single mom i got beat up my mom took me to the park what are you doing in your life that's so spectacular that you can't take your child to the fucking park what do you do what's that's the bullshit hang out with your friends and play fucking cards now don't come crying to me when you're like are you going to the park i go to the park and today i was telling my wife i could pick out the fagots in the park i can pick out the kids they're going to be faggots you can see him there's one kid that was there today with green socks that every time they go to Tejoso, six with a cell phone. With a cell phone, calling people at the park.

And you don't mean gay, I don't think. I think you mean like a jerk. Half of them, I've seen two today that fucking same-sex marriages in their future. They're playing on the swing. Those two little faggots, they were like six. You could tell they're fucking going to be sucking each other's dicks. You can see.

You don't need a fucking genius. Those other kids that are walking around there with those Mexican parents, they're probably having a good time. But you know what? I got to defend, I got to defend the... I'm going to tie something. in the last 10 years I've had a like a I don't know

a rebirth and not and not in a in the Jesus Christian way bro just as a as a you read a book you read a couple of books I got my head out of my ass but you know it's funny I and I know what you're trying to say Lee

because we know Joey right and and and as far as as these faggots and this and that I remember bro going back in my life literally a lot of the guys man and if I'm true to myself I would have never said this 10 years ago man

but some of the guys that gave me the most beautiful life lessons man about life were homosexuals no they gave me lessons too about life what the biggest stories I say no I know I know you're not like that but I can see somebody not understanding that you're just fucking around

I'm seeing these fucking kids and you can tell they're going to get their lunch money taken you could tell they're going to I could tell their future just by the way they're acting at five. Raised entitled. They're raised entitled. Listen, bro, I was raised to take those kids

fucking lunch money, even though my family had money just for being weak. Just for acting like that. Like, you got to shake them down. Oh, they're going to be wheezels. They're going to be fucking weak. They're going to be agents. And you look at these kids and you can see what their prompt

and their moms aren't at the park their dads. Then they look at my daughter who's got both her mom because I go to, with my wife every day at the fucking park for two hours. I'm like Willie. I know that either you could pay me now or you can pay me later. If you don't take care of your kid now, you're going to have

problems later. I have a friend Steve Rilla's got two daughters and never gave him a prom. Steve does everything with those girls. He does everything with those girls. You know, I know when I became bad, those two hours, that my mom wouldn't come from the bar from three to five. You can't give a kid those two hours

from three to five. Willie didn't give those kids to him. He sat there while they did home, then they took them to do activities. There's things you have to do with your children. And the point that I'm saying to you is that a lot of comics, you know, we go on the road. Yeah. We do fucked up shit on the road.

We get our dick suck, whatever. We get a chick pregnant. Whatever fuck. And you, you know, if you look at, you know, there's got to be a 40% rate of divorce in comedians because of that week. You know, we leave for the week and step up. It's hard, man. It's fucking hard.

For you young comics out there that are saying, Man, I can't wait to be on the road. If you're an open micah right now and you're saying things like, man, I can't wait to get on the road. I'm going to tell you some. Man, you do not find out who you are, especially when you're a young comic, you're a young person and you're working somewhere a week by yourself.

All those people that come say hi to you and everything, there's no real, real connection. Like there's no foundation, you know what I mean? Somebody that you've known for a long time. So talk about all that loneliness that starts kicking. in, right, bro? Like, when you're a young comic, when you're older, you're fucking, wait a minute. Hey, baby, I go, hold on. I'm reading this book. I'll call you back.

Or I got to go do this. But when you're young, man, I remember I was like, I don't know what to do with myself, man. I was out there, I was, like, twilling my thumbs in the fucking, in the condos that they put you up, and you just fucking start thinking crazy shit, like, is this it? You know, what's going to happen

in my life? What if I don't make it? You start thinking all kinds of crazy, psychotic shit? But... It's a... It's a wheel. No, Willie, I wanted to get John the show because of all the comics I'm out there with, you're one of the ones that I always like. I said, when I saw that Showtime special, I taped it. It was coming on, and one night I said,

I didn't, listen, Willie went on, and you've got to believe this about me. When I see somebody like, before I leave the house at night, I always check Leno, Letterman, and somebody else, Craig Ferguson, just to see who's on. You know, I left, and Maj Gibrani was on. I got to tell you something from my heart as a comedian. Even if I don't like you as a human being,

when I see that you're on a TV show, Kimmel, I watch you. And I want you to make me laugh. I sit there, like you say, and I distance myself as a comedian, and I can't wait for somebody to make me laugh. Those Montoya specials, you put them on, the fucking one with, who's Matt, Tom Arnold? He's up there talking.

You could tell they're not laughing. You hear all this laughter, and everybody's sitting still. Okay, nobody's banging their legs. I don't want to see that shit. When I put Willie Special on one night, it was like a Sunday night, 10.30, I was going through my DVR. Ooh, Willie Barsena.

The first eight minutes, I was blown away. Like the material, the tags. I don't know what the fuck you were saying. Who knows? I was so excited. You know, every night I go home and they have this fucking shit on Showtime,

the other one to punch drunk, the one they shoot at the lap, the ice out. you wait for a fucking you're waiting you want to laugh I don't care who the fuck it is there was somebody on a friend of us that was on he had a half hour special I watched

I watched that I watched Spanish kid the first joke he did was so bad I had to turn it off first joke I had to turn off with you I had to turn it off because I was tired you know because when I get an hour special if it's really good I break it in half so I can think about it

I had to watch yours three fucking times and then I called you you called you and I said I'm not bullshit in you I watched it. I wish in my 20 years I could write as good as this kid. What's the name of it? Because people want to watch it.

I got to be honest as the one. Okay. And truth hurts is the other. Okay. And I couldn't tell which one they're on. Watch both of them. Who gives a fuck? If you're an up-and-coming comic, watch it. If you're some guy at home, sitting at home,

thinking, oh, my God, Louis C.K. is so funny. All these fucking strokes are so funny. Watch Willie Barsen. Well, I got to be honest. I got one, that's the latest one. Deal with it was like four years ago. Deal with it four or five years ago with Comedy Central.

The ones Joey's talking about is, I got to be honest, the truth hurts is we just shot this about four months ago in Texas. So that they're working on right now. They're putting that one together. But no, man, I appreciate that, Joey. I mean, I don't know if you remember what you told me, bro. But you go, Willie, I see. Willie Cocksucker, I saw your special.

He goes, if you were white, you'd be famous. You know, it was the jokes, the timing, the tags, the smile on your face, the delivery. And now I see it. Now you just told us the secrets. It's the tape recorder. Yeah. It really is a tape recorder. Oh, man.

You got a new job, Cucksucker. Oh, yeah. Taper corner tomorrow morning. How often do you think about that? Because Joey told you before we started that I'm dating a Mexican girl. and every once in a while she'll say something where it's like like right now she's doing interviews

for law firms. And she's finding it harder being Mexican and some people are just bringing her in because they have affirmative action stuff and she doesn't complain but it seems to be on her mind. How often is that like

does it? Well yeah I know exactly what you're saying I know exactly um you know listen it's been a battle for me I'm sure for Joey too having a, because you mean you listen to Joey and you can listen to him, you know, 20 hours, and he doesn't have to say anything reference to Latinos. He's just a human being, man. And I know that he's, you know, that I'm sure that that has come to like a hurdle, you know,

where he's like, hey, man, don't forget the Diaz, man. Just think about who I am as a person. And that's the hurdle that I have. Because I'm a lot darker than Joey, man. You know what I mean? You could put me out there and I'll get lost in fucking East LA as like, where's Waldo as far as like the illegals, right? But for me, you know, being a guy that I want to write, being a guy that loves Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, Bill Hicks,

and those in George Carlin, those are the guys that I love. Those Hispanic guys that are out there, I think they're cute. I think their comedy's cute You know what I mean? And I don't want to be disrespectful But it's cute, man It's not It doesn't resonate with me

It doesn't like, it doesn't like Oh fuck yeah man I remember that shit I remember when You know like when I wrote about My wife leaving me man I made that shit And I was fucking hurting

That when that the day she actually had happened But I fucking Made it funny Do you know? Well that's the magic of a comedian That's what a comedian does He could take a fucking story about 20 Puerto Ricans getting shot

and you should be laughing. You know, you take your pain and you flip it. You know, a good comedian like Willie. Now, unlike me. No, you're great. You're fucking great, Jerry. You get laughter, but, no, no, I'm going to give you the comparisons. When I saw Richard Jenny, I learned some from Richard Jenny.

Let me tell you what I learned from Richard Jenny. That when most comics are on stage and a waitress comes, you go, hey, hi, let me get a Jack and Coke, Willie. Let me get a beer. You're looking good tonight. when Richard Jenny used to be on stage I used to watch him people go

let me get a tequila on the rocks they wouldn't take their eyes off okay I make you laugh hold on I make you laugh that's something completely different a good comic

like that special that I saw that night you made me laugh and you made me think you have to resonate you're right I want you to remind me of something that hits home I don't talk Latin shit on stage because I don't live a Latin lifestyle. It's in my heart.

Yeah, absolutely. When I wake up in the morning, I remember who the fuck I am. It's in my fucking heart. You know, after 15, my Latin connection was disappeared. My world shadow and my mother died. But I always kept speaking Spanish. I always knew that that's,

I always kept it. You know, when I go to a fucking restaurant, who's the, people like that. The bus boy? You get the busboy, you own the restaurant. You follow me? If you see a bus, me go, Primo, I got me money. When he comes over, you get him a fin and he go,

keep this motherfucker hopping with bread and water, that guy feels so good that you talk to him. Most people go to a restaurant, they don't talk to the busboy. When I go to a restaurant, I talk to the bus boy. I know what it's like to be a bus boy. I don't want to talk to the Major D. I have friends that sell Coke at Spagos. That Mexicans cooks.

And I always ask them, who was the best person, whoever came into Spagos? And the guy always says, Sidney Bortier, because the first thing he does when he gets in there, he walks into the kitchen, he talks to the Mexican cooks, and they feel like fucking God. You know, everybody else insults. I used to do a podcast with Felicia Michaels,

and the lady who takes care of the house, Wana, is a Mexican woman who not takes care of my little daughter, three days a week. And I became friends with Wanda because I always made sure I said hello to Wana, because I'd see how people treated Wana. 10 people walk into Felicia's house. I wouldn't say hello to Wana.

That's my Spanish side. I know what it's like when I came off that plane from Cuba. I know what it was like to feel insecure. I don't know what it was like to sit in the back of that class in a Jewish classroom and 2 PS166. But I wasn't mad at them. I can look you in the eye, Willie, and I can look you in the eye and tell you that

nothing's ever been shorter for me from being Spanish. It's being shorter for me from my own short comics because I'm dirty because I threatened Jeff Valdez, because I did Coke. The things that got, and the same thing got taken away from you because of stupidity because you stood up, you stood up for who you were.

We had a very interesting conversation here Monday. Lee went to the movie theater and some dude was fucking with popcorn and Lee wanted to say something. He didn't have the heart to say. I go, Lee, your life doesn't start to you stick up for yourself. In more ways than one.

Yeah, yeah, man. We're family. We're all family. We fuck around. But I'm talking about a stranger. You don't have to be a gorilla. You have to have balls mentally. Like he said, I don't even have balls mentally. I'm a gorilla. Today some guy cut me on.

And then tried doing 20 miles an hour. I called him at the land. I called him a bald, and I called him a fucking fuck-sucker faggot. And he just looked at me stone face because nobody talks to him like that. I don't have the time. You're going to cut me off like a douchebag

and then get in front of me and be more of a douchebag. The hurdles I've had in life is I created it on my own. After I did the longest show, I did a great job in a long show. One producer didn't fucking like me. Until this day, you know,

because I called them out. They're fucking around. People can't take that shit. You know, in this town, people aren't like me and Willie. You come to me and go, Joe, I need to talk to you about something. The other day, you called me a Jew, and I didn't really like it. I go, Lee, what the fucking? I'll go home, and I'll think about it.

The other day, I said, fat. And I'll tell you that it bothers you. You go, no, we're talking about getting things. Like, what are we going to look like two fat astronauts? It's when the guy on Facebook called you fat. You know, some guy this morning said, hey, fat ass, you're typing a lot today. I'm surprised you have cardio.

I wrote back, do I know you? Do I know you for you to talk to me like that? Go fuck your grandfather, you fucking. And he fucking flipped out. People don't understand that. So it's okay if you insult me. But right away. So tonight when I was thinking about Willie,

I go, he's got the two guys that'll tell you in this life you have to stick up for yourself. Not like a gorilla. You're a sweetheart of a guy. But if you come and tell somebody the truth, if they get mad of you, I don't want to do business with them. If I come tell you, like, I don't know. Like if somebody comes to you,

in this town if somebody tells you the truth don't cut you off a guy like me will go home think about it and... No, the truth is different

in Hollywood that's why I fucked up so much because I thought the truth was like the way we were raised the truth

with the truth with plumbers and cops and firemen and drug dealers and the truth kept everybody alive

right and kept everybody cool but then when you get into Hollywood the truth is fucking foggy bro

you know The truth here means bullshit. And if you're able to... It's like somebody said about a comedian. That's the weasel of a comedian. And then we were talking one time and said, how did that guy get so much? And then another guy said,

that guy was able to master unsincerity. Do you know what I mean? If you're able to... And then, I mean, it is what it is, man. It's the only time plastic surgery looks terrible on people. Terrible. It's like putting a wig on. I know you got a wig on.

You're not shocked at me. But they all get plastic surgery and tell themselves they look beautiful. In 10 years, this whole town, to make it, you're going to have to have plastic surgery. You're going to have to have something done to be part of their clinic. Oh, it's getting hard, man. It's getting hard for it. Think about how back in the day you went and you studied or acting or you studied to be a comedian or a singer. Now, hey, man, who can be the sell his soul the hardest?

Oh, the bachelor. I'll fuck every guy is. You're a bachelorette, right? I'll fuck every guy in there and I'm good looking and fucking you guys can write gossip about it and fucking I'm a star or the Kardashians, right? No, man. No fucking talent. Like not one sings, dances, tells jokes, poetry, fucking nothing, bro.

And they fucking own the fucking studios. You know, the e? I'm like, oh man, you imagine how many actors are out there fucking eating out of a fucking top ramen? You know what I mean? And why? Because it's bullshit, man. I remember, bro, I did that show Chelsea lately.

All right? I don't know if you're friends with her, bro. But I did the show with her, man. And they gave me a... They go, okay, what are you going to talk about? And I had like 20 jokes, right? Like the topics. Not jokes.

I had the bullet points. And then they go, oh, no, no. She's not going to like that. She's not going to like that. She's not going to like that. I was down to like three jokes and it made me look like a cute beiner, you know? Like I was a cute, like that that beiner that is, you know what I mean, that can come over. The non-threatening beaner, you know what I mean?

And then so I come on on panel, right? You know, that bullshit? She comes out, man, fuck it, my pussy hair. And she's talking dirty and cussing. And I'm like, I'm looking like, what the fuck? You know what I mean? And then in the middle of the show, the girl next to me said, something racist to me right it wasn't even fucking funny I appreciate a fucking

funny joke but then I got her back quick you know and then so the audience is dying which I was saying the what Chelsea handler lately she looked over and she's like what's so funny and then I had just gotten her back anyways you know it was all about it was just such a fucking I don't know if you've done it Joey but it's all it was a bizarre fucking show bro I mean, she fucking, she says jokes that aren't fucking jokes. But then the audience, like, they tell them, come on, like laugh. And they'll laugh, man.

I'm like, I'm not, it was surreal. I was sitting there going, is this, what the fuck am I in? So I remember leaving, man. I couldn't get out of that fucking place fast enough, right? And whenever assistance is holding a basket, you know, like a gift basket, you know. Hey, let's say, use your basket. I said, keep it.

He goes, well, what if I have a million dollars? I said, then you're a millionaire. You know, but I just kept going, man. But I'm talking when we're talking about bullshit and shit that's not funny. Do you know what I mean? And you fucking idiots are at home, giggling, laughing, having a good time.

My brother called me. He's like, dog, I paid $65 to see Chelsea handler to show in Jersey. It was the worst thing he had ever seen in his life. They brought more. more bad comedy to fucking 8 o'clock than any other fucking show ever, ever. You know, a lot of those guys,

they're gonna fucking die a slow debt. They're walking around, thinking their fucking George calling. Once that show goes under in a month, they're gonna be fucking having a hard fucking time because, you know, it's a fucking shame what we put up with people. You guys think that, you know, it's funny that I heard me and my wife

were driving back from the colonoscopy the other day. and I heard Jody Wally. Remember, my love, you know, it's just some song. And I'm sitting here going, now I understand the music business. There's people that are probably 20 times better than Jody Wally. It could sing and can play, but maybe that day they didn't get picked.

And it's the same thing, man. There's a lot of funny people walking around in Hollywood that nobody knows about. You know, I read an article years ago, Jennifer Aniston said the best theater actors are the best, and they're starving in this fucking. We're not even really actors. They know it.

And that's why I never seen the attitude. If I knew I was a Fugazi, like David Spay, like a Fulgayze like that that hasn't said nothing funny in 18 fucking years, when I wake up in the morning, I thank God. I thank God heavy like that. Nobody has figured it out yet. And I'm making another $80,000 this week. And nothing.

There's nothing fucking there, man. It's just a fucking craziness, Lisa. Lisa, what's the matter? You look all depressed. I call you a shit. No, no. I don't know. Sucker, you're tired.

It's just interesting to listen to. Let me give a shout out to some people here for listening to the show. I know it's a late-night show. We're talking some shit here tonight. Sajakas chef. I know you got fucking laid off today or whatever. Stay in there, Coxucker. I love you.

Sajakis chef, whatever your fucking name is. I want to give some love to Kiva. Kaiva. Sean Monday. John D. Gomez. Frank the Tank, you bad motherfucker. Nate Meyer. John Guevara.

McNeese. 202, Travis Ryan, and I don't know the last one, so fuck you, and that's it, you know what I'm saying? I don't know what the fuck is going on anymore. Willie, I'm happy you came on tonight. Hey, man, Joey, thank you for having me, bro. I want to see that special, man.

I think that thing would be powerful, man. I know the people that were in the audience when I went to go see you and the people that were, the other comics that were talking about when you were working it out at the ice house in that stage two, everybody was like, man,

he's fucking got it down. So I thought I was going to... That was a test of it. Testament. And I just had all this written material. And I had to put it out there. And I sold them for $2 on iTunes just to get it out. Oh, you sold it?

Fuck, yeah. You show. You show. Why not? It's bad ass, bro. Why not? You know, it's something to get out there to it? Yeah.

And I'm going to put it together, man. That's great that you talk to me about helping me. Yeah, man. I love to do a one-man show right here in LA to really put them over the fucking top to really. I like doing that shit. Like, we were talking. There's two different styles of comedy for that.

You know, I'm doing, Ari's got that show. now. What's happening with stories. And it's popular because it's something different. They take the net off and you just go up there and say what the fuck you got to say. Willie, what's your Twitter? Willie Barsena. At Willie Barcena. At Willie. And what's your Facebook?

Yeah, W-I-L-L-I-E. Be as in Boy, A-R-C-E-N-A. And Facebook is Willie Barsena. Where are you going to be in the next couple weeks? And I know I'm going to be on this tour. Tommy T's. I'm going to be at Tommy T's. I'm going to be at Tommy T's. I'm going to I'll be in, what else am I going to? What city? Because Tommy T's a lot of us.

Yeah, no, the one in Pleasanton. Pleasanton. Pleasanton. I'll be in Pleasanton. I'll be in San Antonio in a couple of weeks. And I'm doing that tour with, it's called Latin Comedy Jam with Mike Gotti, is the producer. But, yeah, just, you know, and then I got my special coming out. I'm excited about that.

And I just got to give a big shout out to the guys that helped me put together my last special. So I got Steve Lonji, who I want you to meet him, bro. This guy is the real deal. And this guy, if you look him up, if he looks him up, you can see out the movies he's made in the last 10 years. And he's actually doing the Sam Kinnisian movie right now. They're doing it. And then Matthew Spain, who was the investor, man.

Those two cats, a lot of love to them. And we're going to, man. I'm going to talk to them about you, man, about putting you on a theater down here, man. You're a beast, bro. You know, a lot of people, what's killing me right now about comedy is, there's a lot of Johnny come lately.

Yeah, I, yeah. And I'm one of them, you know, and one thing I always appreciated by you, we didn't talk about your 13 little person, all that. But one thing that's going on right now is that, you know, people have a podcast or whatever, or some people aren't popular, so people forget about them.

David Tal, Wendy Liebman was on America's Got Talent tonight. They're older comics, like you and I. And, you know, people see a comic on Chelsea lately, and they spend money to go see them. But it's like you, Tell, a lot of these great comics, people just don't go see no more because they think it's not hip. Comedy is a scene that you have to be hip for them to go see you. It's not about being funny anymore.

It hasn't been about being funny for 20 years about, you know, I want to go see you. guy that really makes me laugh. I want to go see a guy that really puts time into his craft. I really want to go see that. That's a forgotten thing in this country. They'd rather go see a guy with eight minutes that just won't last comic standing because he's popular because, you know, he dances at the end or he sings a song at the end of his act. And you're one of those guys, bro, that really, you know, as far as I'm concerned, they can talk about all these Latin comics. I don't even want to use the word of Latin comics. And I'll tell you

In my book, you're in the top five. In my fucking book, I know hard work, performance, the material. The material is just spectacular. But I sit there in awe. So I'm happy. I appreciate you saying that, man. I'm happy that you're still doing. And I know you have listeners from all walks of life, man.

And I just want to let them know that if they take out my stuff, it's not one-dimensional. Man, I was just in Kentucky a couple months ago. A few months back at a club called, man, I forget. I was in Louisville and it was very, very white, bro. You know what I mean? And I was there talking about maybe got, it was very, very white, and I was talking about maybe there isn't a God.

And man, and I got these white people laughing their ass off. And the owner came up to me afterwards and he says, Willie, if I hadn't seen that, I would never believe it. A Mexican talking to white people from Kentucky that there isn't a God. You know? Hey, bro, and they were dying, man. There was a good. So what I want to say that is to your listeners, man, that, you know, take out my work, you know, take out some of my stuff on YouTube and you'll see that it's not the old, you know, burrito lowrider joke, you know.

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first order, and me on these.com 20% before September 1st. That's how we roll, bitches. You understand me? Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? What else? Do you see the thing about, I forget what country was in, but this Irish girl sucked like 20 decks in a bar for

a free drink? Come on. Yeah, they closed down the bar. How come she never comes into the fucking ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-sucks. 20 dicks. I've been to grow up the comedy store that sucked like 18 dicks. Oh my God. She sucked two or three the first night. Maybe four or five the second night.

And then one the last night. Then she disappeared. She never came back. Beautiful girl. Fake tits, glasses. The whole fucking thing. So they're out there Lee. In high school, there was Marathon woman. In high school when I was in high school, again, I always miss all this shit. I'm never there.

In high school, some sophomore came to a buddy's house and blew 20 guys. They all way in the room, drinking beer, listen to music. And this kid, Jimmy Denny, would play the guitar, and he had long hair like Jimmy Page. He told him with Jimmy for disgusting fingers. And he had this chick. Like, she would just come with her.

And he would go, you want to suck Lee's dick? Okay. And she'd suck your dick, Lee, without even talking to you. She didn't say much. I don't know if she was a half a momo. Not a bad-looking girl, not fat, cute girl. But some girls just like to suck dick, a couple of them. You talked to a lot about raising your kids, right?

Having a daughter, you must worry about that, right? What are you going to do? Cut their fucking mouth off. No, but no, but no, but I mean, sucking dick is one thing, but 20 dicks. 20 dicks, that's somebody who didn't do the work. Right. They didn't do the work.

They didn't sit the daughter down and say, you can't suck 20 dicks, all right? You gotta suck one at a time. You want to suck 20 dicks, do it over a month. But all in one neck, that's not good for your teeth. That has to do something to your fucking enamel, you know what I'm saying? All that disgusting helmet juice. Lee, only you would read about something like that that's a chick's in.

There was a video of it. They blurt out the video It was like the young Turks or something But she didn't The bar tricked her the bar is like You're gonna get a free holiday And then at the end they named a drink a holiday So it ended up being just a drink

You gotta stop reading the fucking computer I love you guys Willie I love you thank you very much for coming at brother I love you too cock sucker the flying Jew Close this motherfucker out baby Now that the show is over Remember to go to naturebox.com In order to quit tasting healthy snacks

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I gotta beat homies and I'm axing y'all witch me on the court and I'm troubled Last week fucked around and got a triple double. Freaking niggas every way like MJ. I can't believe today was a good shit. Hit the showers. Didn't even get no static from the cowards.

Because just yesterday, them booze tried to blast me. Saw the police and they wore right past me. No flexing. Didn't even look in a nigger's direction as I ran the intersection. Went to show, Dog's house. They was watching your TV raps. What's the haps on the carps? Crows Shake them up shake them up shake them up shake them up shake them roll them in her circle of niggas and watch me break them with the 7-11 7-Eleven 7-Eleven 7 even backed on little Joe

I picked up the cash flow then we played goals and I'm yelling domino plus nobody I know got killed in south central LA Today was a nigger's house paid picked up a girl been trying to fuck since the 12th grade It's ironic I had the rule she had the chronic The Lakers beat the supersonic I felt on the big fat fanny Pulled out the jammy And runs deep, so deep

So deep Woke her up around one She didn't hesitate To call Ice Cube the top gun Drove her to the pad and I'm coasting Took another sip of the potion Hit the three-wheel motion I was glad everything had worked out

Drop the ass off and then churped Today was like one of those fried dreams didn't even see a berry flashing those high beans No helicopter looking for a murder two in the morning got the fat burger Even saw the lights of the good gear blimp and it went ice cubes a piff drunk as hell but no throwing up halfway home and my page is still blowing up Today I didn't even have to use my AK I gotta say it was a good day