The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #204 - Joey Diaz, Todd Lowe, Nick Papadakis and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: August 14, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by Actor Todd Lowe of True Blood and Nick Papadakis live in studio. Both are also members of a band called LA Hottenany. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey before September 1 for 20% off. Recorded live on 08/13/2014. Music: Johnny Cash, Cocaine Blues

This show is sponsored by NatureBox, where you can order great tasting healthy healthy, healthy, healthy, and delicious treats like Santa Fe corn sticks, and French chose granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com, promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com, promo code Joey. The show is also sponsored by Onit.com. Go there for AlfaBrain, New Mood, Shroom Tech Amm, Shroom Tech Sport, anything like that,

and get 10% off when you use a code word church. This show is also sponsored by Nailed ItLife.com. For all the oil and wax smokers out there, for the premier vapor pen on the market, go to NaileditLife.com, mention Joey Diaz, and get 20% off the pen. And go to Meanties.com and check out the picks of men's underwear and sexy women's lace thongs. You have to go to Meendies.com slash Joey before September 1st. So in the next two, three weeks, and you get 20% off of your first order. That's 20% off at meundies.com slash Joey before September 1st.

Wednesday night you filthy cock suckers We're back bitches like herpes The church of what's happening now Throwing heat at you like a fucking savage You got the flying Jew Lee Syatt Uncle Joey Diaz L.A. Hoot Nannies in studio

And it's all about you Break out the bong hits Tell Mama to lick you nuts It's over It's over Little Johnny Cash for you motherfuckers It's a remembrance Maybe you were thinking of doing a line of Coke

Now you gotta do one Now you gotta commit Now you gotta fucking commit What's the story Lisa I got? What's the story The story is that I'm about to be fucked up Good, you need that shit

You're too uptight You know I'm never uptight You fucking sit there You watch ESPN all day You believe what they talk about You gotta get your shit together Yeah I love ESPN

I know I never see nothing like that You just sit there watch ESP fucker then. Yeah. And what do they talk about? Stocks and bonds? Always. The markets.

No, football's getting started, I love football. We're excited. How many more weeks to football? I think they only had the first preseason game, so that means three more weeks? Preseason. I got a call last weekend. Okay. My friend calls me.

He goes, hey, it's Griffin's 13th birthday. What are he doing next Tuesday? I go nothing. He goes, come with us as a family, celebrate Griffin's birthday. Where are we going? He goes, Oxnard. The Raiders are playing the Dallas, Cowboys and we're going to go up there

and the baby gets car sick thank fucking God. He's all the gone up there like an idiot. Did you see what happened? No. It was a fight. In preseason games. There's two idiots went out of and the stands and the people. Yeah, the players. I don't need my daughter to see this. Have you been to an Oakland game? I heard that's pretty crazy.

Yeah, you don't need that in your life. You don't need it in your life? No. Listen, LA fucking baseball games, people are getting concussions. Yeah. Can you imagine they're fucking savages. They're on probation. They don't let you in there unless you're on probation, on parole. At the Raiders games. Like you raped your grandmother, something fucking fucking crazy.

They don't let normal people to fucking raider game. You got to show up with a fucking mental health counselor. You got to show up with somebody, a gun. It's fucking ridiculous. You might as well watch that shit at the house. I love the Raiders. I love watching them. I love the tradition.

I get it. But that don't mean you got to go to a fucking game against that. Football's not even, I mean, it's fun live. But if you really want to watch the game, I feel like it's better at home. Because whenever I've been to a game, I'm always looking at the freaking monitor. anyways, but... You know, man, you go, you watch, you're getting... I love it.

I love live performances. Yeah. But there's an extreme where you sit there and go, how much longer am I going to keep getting fucked in the ass? I got to pay $200 for a ticket, $22 for a hot dog, a scarf, a picture. Enough. I used to go to games and have a $15 fucking bucks.

$2 for a hot dog. You got a diet soda, whatever. It was $3. That's it. Now, you can't even go to a Laker game, man. You can't do anything. I'm taking my uncle to the Dodgers. September 22nd.

I went to Subway sandwich, those cock suckers. Yeah. And they had some code, and I threw it in, and they charged me double. And there were shitty tickets. But I had already told him, so I was already committed. So what was I going to tell him? Subway sucks dick? No.

I ponied up, and I fucking dropped the yardstick, and got decent tickets for me and my 74-year-old uncle. Oh, good. And I'm going to take him, and I've got to sit there for nine innings because he's Cuban. I can't act like the regular Gentiles in L.A. They go to a game for six sittings and go, oh, we've got to get out of here.

Starbucks is gloom. losing. God forbid Starbucks closed without you making the last fucking nightcaps. Did you ever go to minor league baseball when you were kid? I went a couple times

and it's always a ton of fun and my parents were happier because until I was like seven or eight I never made it past like the second inning because kids I was there it was fun before and then we sat down and I got bored

but my parents would take us to like I had a birthday party once at like the AAA game and it was cheap and it was fun and when you're a kid you don't really know the difference it's still all baseball. Well listen man

you take a kid to a baseball game after two winnings, they don't care if Jesus is throwing the fucking ball. They want to run around. Right. I wanted to run around. I want to run around and chase stadium and bother people and throw peanuts. It's the same. You only come back to pick up two more dollars. Let me get two more dollars. You're going to get two more dollars and you run for fucking. Your parents got upset, but that's what those things

are for. I used to like to go to my parents with the Aqueduck racetrack. Okay. In New York, because there was a bunch of kids playing two-hand touch football every time you went. So you just said goodbye. See you on the way out. I'll be out here playing two-hand touch football. football with these animals from fucking the Bronx. That sounds like fun.

Sure, why not? Why not? So what else? That's all you got from me. You have a plateau at the gym, what's going out? You can't hear like fucking, more depressed? Well, yeah, because when you start losing way, you like seeing the numbers going down, and I've been doing good, but I don't know what it is. I've been at this little plateau, and I told you I haven't been shitting at all. Sorry for the girls out there.

But I got someone, someone, said probiotics help that, so I'm trying to do that. You're all backed up, huh? Yeah, I don't know what it is. Kill Elvis. There's gummy a bail. It will help you out. Don't push.

Don't push. Don't do nothing. Tonight you stop at CVS and just ask him, I want the shit that sends out everything that kills all the animals. Steve Simone said there's something called like a cillium fiber or something you can buy that's really good. What can he take? What can he take?

And what does he do? Oh, he drinks and mixes it with water and it pushes everything out. But you might have to stick a finger up your muffling, and loosen stuff. You might have that fucking hummus. It's that hummus. It's not the hummus. Fuck you and that fucking hummus. Hummus is delicious. Those fucking Arabians, they make that shit so when you drink it with Coca-Cola, it

tightens up in your asshole. That's the plan to fucking kill us, gosh. Yeah. You can only have one, diet or hummus. That's right. I don't eat that shit. That's why. That's why you're clogged up. Think of what that shit is. It's fucking spackle. It's Arabian fucking spackle. It's what they use on the huts. That's what they use on the huts. That's what they tell

you and these fucking people. up and da like a bunch of fucking muds. That's what you gotta stop that shit. That's why you're backed up. Maybe who knows. That's all fucking hummus style and those chickpeas and that fucking toenails. Whatever they put in that shit.

Disgusting. What's happening? L.A. Hootin'nanny in the motherfucking house. Howdy? We happy to be here. Todd and my main man, fucking, whatever his name is. I'm not going to tell you.

The Greek. Papadakis. What's happening, fellas? Dude, we just, we're around. I thought we'd come in. We're playing this weekend. Right up the street from you. I know, right up to Federal.

I love it. Nice little fucking place. Fuck yeah. They've got a great sound system. Yeah, they've got a great sound, and you guys go upstairs. Yep. Yeah.

We got a nice salad, a couple cocktails. There's always a couple holes hanging out in front. So Saturday night you're sitting there. You don't want to watch Shark Tank. Fuck it. Get a Kualoo. Go down to the Federal. Slings some dick.

Take a chance. Columbus did. Where do you get a Kualoo? You can't. You've got to go to fucking these weird neighborhoods. They don't have them on Craigs list. No, don't. You have to go to the 70s.

You got to go to the... I got one at the house, but it's like a half of dud. Somebody gave them to me in San Jose. So one night I was home and I cracked the half, like the skin pop, but nothing happened. I popped the other half.

I don't know what happened. Is it still called a Quilude, or have they changed the name to them? They changed the name of everything. I went to the doctor, I'm having surgery on the 26. He gave me a prescription for vikinans. He goes, they're not vikiners no more.

They call them norcos now. What's the fucking difference? I'm going to be backed up like Lee for three fucking days. Those things are the worst. I don't know how people get addicted to viking. Codine and Tylenol. Holy shit. Codine's great.

That's what's backing you up. No, no, no. I don't. I put codeine in the fucking hummus. I only did it when I got bronchitis from smoking hash at your house. That's right. And they gave me codeine and I could see what people liked it because it was amazing. What happened there?

It's just like, it's like kind of like a warmer weed. But then you're still kind of conscious. You can still walk around? You're sure? Yeah, and I didn't even take that much. I just took the... Did you drink it? Yeah, it's a little...

You just smoke more cigarettes with it? How do you smoke... No, it's a little bit. You drink. You smoke... You smoke... You smoke... You smoke...

You're doing jumping jacks. You're hallucinating. Yeah, that's... God, this is... Remember, that's what they used to do. They used to do all that shit in the 70s with the fucking coding. You went to a dentist, whatever.

Yeah. You drank it. You smoked something. The next thing you know, you were seeing Marshal. I don't fucking know. I wasn't a coding person. I don't know. There wasn't even any UFOs in the 70s,

all that Project Blue shit. But the coding, get closer to the microphone. I'm sorry. Project Blue Book. No, what's in NyQuil? I don't know. Alcohol is a NyQuil. Yeah, pretty much.

Tussin, I think, is Robitusson. That's what the rappers, like in Houston we were talking about. The Chopped and Screwed style, that slowed down. That's right. Zirip. That's right. That's right. Some people may claim other.

wise, but I always read that it was that started No, what is that in that exactly? It's like Robitussin and fucking grape Kool-Aid, some fucking shit they mix it and they get fucked up. Isn't it codeine and just soda or whatever juice you want to use? I don't know, but I know I got friends that are addicts and stuff and they've had a problem with that stuff

too. They'll get addicted to it. It's been money on NyQuil. No, I've had friends that got hooked on NyQuil. Yeah. It's scary. CBS, they get a lot of discounts. Robo Trippin, we call it, or Tusson, Robiton tripping. I never got into that shit

the craziest thing I did my friend had a funeral parlor we did the joint in the formaldehyde you let it dry for three days it's fucking tremendous tremendous there's levels and levels going on here that I'm not even

Nah you're a decent Nick's a spiritual person He's a martial artist And he doesn't put toxins into his body Nick We met at VMA Yep In the Jitual Arts Center

Valley Martial Arts Center We hit the Tuesday and Thursday class and we headed off and Nick is also part of Dog Brothers? Yes, I am. And explain what Dog Brothers is. It comes out of a group, a martial art system called Kali or Arnese or a scream-out. It's basically stick fighting or comes from the Philippines. Move up, move up.

I want to you to hear you. So basically it's a Filipino martial art based on like, a lot of people see it because it's stick fighting, but in the old world it was machete fighting. fighting and stuff, but it's become somewhat of a sport in America, but the dog brothers are known for sort of, uh, kind of raising it up a little bit, kind of, um, we do full contact fighting. We kind of do... With those sticks? Yeah, we do like the UFC except... Take a look at his hands. I mean, hold them up to those little cameras. Yeah, we got them... He's got some knuckles. Yeah. I got a little, yeah, no knuckles actually anymore. Oh my god. But, um, it's basically like the UFC except we use sticks. And

And then we wear a light fencing mask, like the old kind of press it. It looks like a screen door. And we use very light hockey gloves or street hockey gloves or goalie gloves from stocker. Can they hit you in the head? Yeah. The point is to either knock them out, submit them or whatever. But it's, it has, if you watch it and you don't know about it, it seems pretty rough because it is. But the idea is that we're trying to push each other.

It's like a tribal mentality. We're trying to push each other to be better. Do you use like foam sticks during practice or something? Yeah, everyday practice you might use a foam stick or what we call no wind sparring where you don't make the stick move so fast. Oh my God. And there's lots of drills and stuff to practice because they used to practice with machetes out in the field. Maybe put the cover on and practice. Holy shit.

Yeah, it was like it's kind of like, like, it's kind of something in art that like a farm worker might use in the Philippines. because they've settled a lot of their scores and family disputes with machetes. Now, it's really weird that I didn't know about this. I'm like everybody else in America, you think that Kung Fu, China, and all that stuff. But there's a whole system in Hawaii, and there's a whole system in the Philippines.

It's very interesting. Because there's, like, forms of Kempo in Hawaii that their roots come from the Philippines, and they mix it. And remember we were discussing that, like the Kempo I was studying, the guy wanted you to learn it with a knife first, the move, then a stick, then your fist.

Or your fist, the knife, long distance, short distance. You did the exact same move. Only one with a knife, one with a stick. So this is all like ancient Philippines created, like, what's that, Cajicambo? Cajicambo was made by, I think. Hawaiians to fight the Americans when the soldiers would come down and bully them at bars. Jesus. So they devised this system like karate, judo.

Yeah, I think there's The whole name is split up Of an acronym But I don't know the full thing Because a friend of mine's really high up In Kajakebo But they were basically some bruiser guys And they basically had a

Think Tank And Took the best from all their styles And came up with this sort of ass-kicking Kung Fu karate of Hawaii Called Kajikambo No, when I was young I did Taekwendo

And my the master, I guess, had a long thin stick. Is that something like part of your thing, or is it just the short sticks that you brought? The longs to thin sticks, I think, are just for like being a jerk and kind of slapping you on the legs and like changing your stance. I mean, we do because supposedly thinner sticks are more like a blade or something. But really what we use now is a stick. It used to be for training, but we use a stick that will knock you out. like you want a heavy piece of Rattan.

And we are trying to knock each other out. We go for about three minutes. The Dog Brothers were one of the first sort of other groups besides Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to incorporate Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or grappling. They were doing it. They incorporated it with the Machado's into their stick fighting system before the UFC even came out. So I think around 1988, I believe.

So they were training in the garage with the Machado. and the Gracies too. It's pretty interesting how. Because it's so violent. It's so violent. And even with an elbow, I can't imagine. Get a head in the head with a fucking stick? Yeah.

That's a party. Wait, you're trying to knock each other out, but you have a helmet on. Yes. So you're going to hit someone hard enough on the head to deliver a concussive blow that's going to knock someone down. Yes.

But not in class. Not in class. We have like twice a year. We have what's called the Gathering of the Pack where we come out and different schools can come. and we fight for three minutes. It's like a fight day, but it has, like I said, elements of a tribe. Like it would be like kind of preparing for a, I mean, it's kind of like burning man or like preparing for a battle.

You see like tribes getting ready and getting worked up. But it really is about bettering ourselves. It's not about beating people down. Sometimes in like not the UFC so much, but like lower end cage fights. It's this kind of attitude of like. destroy them or beat them down or I beat you man and the sportsmanship or the sort of tribal aspects aren't there so it's very I've never been I've been in martial arts my whole life I've been to tournaments things like that but I've never

been to anything like this because it's we're so far into the adrenal state meaning like it's it's real like you think you're gonna die and you're like I I shouldn't walk out onto this mat, but you do, and if you do and you're done, by the time you get done, you feel closer to that person, even though they're trying to knock your block off, that you're like, you kind of understand the other person. It's a very strange thing. All the martial arts give you a type of spiritual essence in a way. They say that in Brazil, they, you know, they play jujitsu with the lights off or blindfolded it just by feeling. and, you know, under the light, under the moon, whatever the fuck, you know.

And when you're doing forms, sometimes you go into a different state, you're breathing. Also, how happens with yoga. You know, sometimes you go to yoga, and just your breathing takes you to that different, you know, they say it opens up your chakras, as they say, you know. Absolutely. It gets you in the alpha state. It gets you in the alpha state. So there's a runner's high, correct? I mean, they speak about a runner's high.

So I think that's why working out of any levels also is always. always so great for you, you know, at any level, just breathing with the oxygen going to all your, you know, whether it sticks, sidekicks for Jesus, walking to in and out Berger, whatever the fuck you're into. It always, I remember living in New York, and in New York you have to fucking walk. And after a while, you start to hate it, but it's quicker. You don't have five hours for cab, you don't have this, you just walk it. So after a while, you get a walkman, whatever the fuck, an iPod. When I was walking around New York, it was a walkman. And then after a while, you decide,

hmm, this walk would be a little better if I smoked the fucking number. And all of a sudden, you're listening to the almonds live. And after sweet Melissa, tell me you don't go into a fucking heavenly fucking state. A car has to almost cut you off for you to go, what the fuck is this? That is the patois of all that shit, you know? So I understand where he's coming from.

I understand that. Once somebody's trying to hit you in the head and we're shaking hands, it does let you know about the other person. So you see a different side of that person, you know. Oh, I know. And I get, it was always very, like, spirit. Like, not spiritual, but, like, it was always very, when I would go to, they'd say, like, this isn't to go fight.

It was always very nice. It's just, like, this is one of the more violent ones I've ever heard of. But it sounds cool. We're going to get you done. I'm going to hit you with that fucking stuff 15 times, cotsucker. Todd, any martial arts for you growing up? up in H-town? Did you grow up in H-town? I grew up north of Houston and a town

called Umbal. No, I never really did any. I played baseball and soccer and basketball. Same shit, you know. We're really against H's in Houston and Unble. We don't pronounce them. Oh, the Silent H? So Umbal is how far from Houston? Oh, it's, I don't know, 15 miles north.

I did comedy there. In Umbal? In Umba. It's a fucked up place, right? There's no comedy club. There's no comedy club. It's a bar. Okay. There was one bar. And we did it with this kid that was fucking crazy. And you did comedy in front of the door.

So basically when people walked in, you had to move out of the way. You understand me? Only in Texas. Was this a paid gig? Yeah, yeah, 50 bucks. It was like once a month they did it. It was a fucking harvest show. Listen, in music, you do horror shows in the beginning.

And in comedy, you do fucking horror shows in the beginning. That's just part of it. Yeah, sure. And this was one of those, hey, man, you're busy today, and you're out of town. You know, I don't live in Houston. I'm in Houston, so when I'm in Houston chilling, anybody who comes to me with a 50, fuck it, let's go. You know, in those days,

let's go, let's just another half gram a blow. You know, what the fuck do I care? I go do these. And I learned. I went through all those places, Pasadena, Beaumont. I used to love fucking Beaumont. I OD'd in Beaumont. I found it for three days. Oh, my God.

Fucking tremendous with some little broad, I'm telling you. Right there in the Papadose. All that, that whole area was my fucking little drug kingdom there. Right there. There was a lot of drugs in Houston, actually. Yeah. Oh, my God. Especially in high school and stuff.

Really? Yeah, like X was big. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was big. When I first time I went to Houston was 1998. But the first time I had ever learned about Houston was Monday night football when Earl Campbell would play. And me and my boys would get on the phone and go, wait a second. Fuck the Pittsburgh Steelers. Do you see what these crazy motherfuckers with cowboy hats are doing in Houston?

And next to you know, we became Earl Campbell fans. And I would always go. I want to go to Houston. And then I became a Houston rocker fan when they had Moses Malone. That's how deep I go back into Houston. When they had Moses fucking Malone. And in the eighth grade, me and Chuck McBreen, who's called into this fucking show.

And Whitey O'Donnell took a bus from Jersey to fucking Piscataway, and it would take into New York City. You had a switch bus. We told our moms we were going like a back. We're going down the corner to the church. Church. We went through it. And Moses, that's when you used to be real.

This guy scored 31 points. and had 19 rebounds. It was like a bad night. Whoa. That's when he was a savage. Before, then Akeem came, and then I became in love with them again. But then I went down to the Duquesne,

and I was done. 1998, the first time I walked in there with Bobby Sladen at the last stop on West Grey, I was done. Guys, I was done. This was the Kettison thing. I just read the book two weeks ago. I read my brother Sam.

I read it over again. And those first two chapters is just about Houston and them walking to go out. out outside a Mexican restaurant with ZZ Top used to eat that. I get tears in my fucking eyes. Who walks to hang out of the restaurant where Zizi Top used to hang out? Some Mexican enjoy it.

And I've seen Billy Gibbons in town. I had a, not the chewies, but there's another like tamale chain. Oh, no, he likes... Barry Hill. The one on Sunset, right by the... Oh, Compajorie. Yeah, that's... Sure, the food is horrible, but the cocaine is tremendous.

You know what I'm saying? They fucking... I've seen Quentin Tarantino get fucked. He was crawling out of that one night, like they'd knocked him out. His little feet were dragging on the floor. They just threw him in a car and shit. Back when I was snort and blow, I would beat Lindsay Lohan. That was the game. Who could beat Lindsay Lohan?

I used to see her there at four in the afternoon. Guck, sucker, you got me my 30 minutes. You're fucking. El Compadre. That's why I saw Billy Gibbons with not a Chewy's hat, but a Berry Hill hat. Berry Hill is another tamale place in Houston that has a really good lemonade. or like some type of lime

Aid or something. Chewis has the margaritas. They have the Elvis chicken on Wednesday and on Mondays they got the sour cream chicken motherfucking enchiladas. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? Are we in Austin now?

We're Austin and Houston. We're moving, yeah. Yeah, we don't fuck around here. We're going to Chewys is in Austin and in Houston, right? Yeah. Yeah, they have them in both of them. That's more of a Papacitos man in Houston. I'm a Papacetos man myself.

And in Austin, too. That's a whole family. They got Papa's. restaurant, Papa Dose. Like Cajun place, Papasitos. There's an Italian one too, right? Yeah. Is it Papa seafood? Are you related to those

Papadoccus? No, there's all kinds of crazy Pappas in Houston. Well, we were- James Coney Island. That was a Papadacus. That was a Papadacus. But what's the Greek chain down in Houston? He owns one on West Grey. There's one called the Great Greek.

Yeah. Yeah, the Great Greek. And it's the same guys on Ventura, too. What the fuck is the... Because the kid got into comedy, and we would go to his father's restaurant. His father had three Greek restaurants. That's why I used to get the cheese omelette with the steak fries.

But at the main one, there was this old man that had no patience for nobody in Houston, Texas. He had, like, the patience of a New Yorker, and people come in and give you a menu, and I remember one day it was sitting in. He liked me, because he used to start talking about politics, and I would let him roll. when people start talking about politics

and they're knowledgeable but they're at that dementia stage just let them fucking roll just let them roll don't argue with him he was talking about the Mormons how they own Coca-Cola and they were trying to buy Houston but the guy that shot the gun in Houston at the fuck I mean it was crazy this was deep but one day he's sitting there in somebody's like

I don't know I don't know they get the eggs or the y'atma he goes yes no yes no make up your fucking mind I swear to God And after that I went in there every fucking time I was in here. I forget the fucking kid's name. But Houston just had this weird flag. I bet it ends in an S.

Yeah. All great names in N. Pappas. And they used to have the cheese dip. Papadopoulos? No. Costas? Sevalis.

Cuscus. Cus. That was my friends. Yeah. Now I used to run with Greece in New York. Ellen Aramides. Huffalo owns the gyro stuff on 8 on 42nd Street in Madison. next time you're in New York and you're on 42nd Street, it's around the corner.

You never know. What the fuck people? You might be in New York. This friend of mine, just to go back to Billy Gibbons, he wrote for Guitar Player magazine and he got to interview him. And he went to go interview him and he goes, you want to get some like Mexican food first? And he got to go to his Mexican food place with Billy Gibbons, which is like, you know, like going to, you know, I don't know, going to Israel with Jesus or something.

But then they ended up, you want to continue this interview at a titty bar? And he's like, okay. So he goes to this titty bar with Billy Gibbons. And he's sitting there and he's so nervous, you know, just like you would be hanging with Paul McCartney or something. And like Billy Gibbons reaches over and goes, what kind of titties you like? And the guy didn't have any answer. He was like, he could have said anything, but he just like froze up because it was Billy Gibbons. What do you do in Billy Gibbons?

Gibbons ask your fucking questions. I'm not sure who he is. See, that's what I'm talking about. You might have to run around. Where's the stick? Let's start hitting him right now. Do you get into music in Houston? Not real.

I got into music in Austin more so. And I did a lot of theater, and we did these punk rock plays. And then when you go to Austin for college, they kind of give you a guitar as you cross into the city limits. So you pick it up, and you learn rock and roll, but it's too hard. And you learn that country's a hell of a lot easier.

And it's the stuff I was leaving. listen to. My parents were listened to all growing up. So it's easier stuff to play and easier to accompany yourself. So you just kind of move into that, I guess. Yeah, exactly. I started punk rock, which is the same as country. It's just the same stuff. Did you release that in punk rock?

Pretty much, yeah. Come on. Well, little, I was metal. And then I kind of like. What kind of metal? Like Iron Maiden and Judas Priest. Come on. Yeah, that was like, my jam when I was like in fifth or sixth grade.

And then it moved into like... Rat child? the first two albums of Tony Deanna. Well, I came in and a route with like Number of the Beast. Okay, see. And then, um, electric eye, screaming for vengeance. Screaming for the helmet. And then I kind of went backwards and then got into like Green Man O'Linchie and all that.

How good is that shit? It's still great. How great is the Judas Priest alive? Do you like that title? I like some Iron Maiden every now, but yeah, I like it once on the radio, but I never went too deep into it. Yeah. Judas Priest, I think, was my band for that stuff. But then I immediately got into it, and I couldn't play it, that was another problem.

So then I kind of got into like R.M. and U.2 and the Smiths and that stuff. It was amazing. I didn't know who the fuck Judas Priest was. I had no idea. I liked Black Sabbath. Yeah. Well, Black Sabbath, of course. You know, I grew up, you know, 15 minutes from Massa Square Garden.

So it was 15 bucks and under. Yeah, $7. You sat in the nosebleeds and you ran down. I went to see Yes every year. I went to see all these bands. Yes, it was great. Then I went to see Yes, so many times that towards the end, we started moving backwards.

Like, it was just a horror show. And these were the days where the economy or something was different because when Yes came to town, they did four nights at the Garden, three nights at the National Coliseum, two nights in Asbury Park, which is basically, you know, 10 nights in the same area. If you're really, so that means it was booming, you know.

So I remember the first time I even heard of Judy, I never even knew any of this song. And I was in a detention type class. We have to sit there from three to four. And some kid goes, do you ever hear this unleashed in the east? Yeah. And I was like, oh, Jesus Christ, really? You know, and I brought it home, and they fucking killed me.

It just killed me. And I was like, where the fuck are these guys from? And he goes, Saturday night they're playing at the Palladium. Going to see something at the Palladium was like going to Lemley. It's like going to the Lemley fucking theater. And I go, how much of the tickets are like 1250? And I had nobody to go with. Like everybody chickened out on me.

I had nobody walk to like this music store. Things from England that was called in Northern New Jersey. And they would sell you like every album but the Australian version. Imports. And imports. It's still there. This store is still fucked. And I'm the only idiot that went and bought.

And it was the coldest night. I had to take a bus from Boulevard East to the city and walk to the palladium and take a train. And when I got there, it was just, he came out with a fucking whip. And the first time I realized he was gay, but I wasn't going to say nothing. I didn't give a fuck if he was gay. You were in on the secret? I didn't give a fuck. He came out with a whip, and then they came out with motorcycles at the end,

and he came out with a motorcycle on a fucking whip, and people going nuts. And I'm like, look at this savagery. and I had no drugs, I had to maybe smoke the joint by myself, and I remember I walked home. Like, I was so blown apart by Judas Priest because it was a small place. Yeah.

And that was November 29th, 1979. I was a sophomore in high school. And then they came back that June, and they did five nights at the balladium, and I went all five nights for British Steel. I was going to kill myself. Like, by night four... British Steel is a great old.

That is a great shit. You know, I was very fortunate, you know. I got to see all those type bands growing up. For 15 bucks. 12.50. 1250. Okay, let's pretend you bought a ticket to go see the mix on Tuesday night with Dad. On the way out, you go, Dad, can I have the tickets to save?

Oh, yeah, son. Fuck you. You cut those things. First of all, they're going to take a ticket and basically rip it in half and give it to you. That's your momentum. It'll save row 15, aisle 6, seat number 4. you do is let's say it's a good ticket let's say it's a red ticket to the garden

you don't give a fuck you come back to next week with that rip stub and you put a fin stiller room to that motherfucker and the old man and now I'm showing up with 10 deep so he's counting 10 motherfuckers thinking this is 50 yards this is 50 bucks right here I don't give a fuck

you just stub your way in that's called stubbing your way in you went upstairs and you mind your business if there were seats down below you walk down there like a gentleman But it was not, you didn't sit in nobody's seat, you didn't cause no fucking stares. Now you can't. And we used to get it.

I went to see Michael Jackson on a fucking stub. I used to start. I want to see the Sixers against the New York Knicks Christmas Day with a fucking stub. How old school am I? Sorry about the earthworks. Why not? I think it would be better to see it having done that. You're in.

Now they scan everything. No, no. Digital age. No, they got you. Now they got you. I want to see Tom Patty. I went to see some great music growing up. What was the first concert you ever saw?

Yeah, what did you go see? Billy Idol. Damn. At Astor World. How about you, my brother? The first concert I saw was Casey and the Sunshine Band at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. Can you believe that?

How about you, Lisa? I have a stupid one. Well, it can't be worse than Casey in the Sunshine. I think it might be. My dad got tickets from work, and he took, like, my mom, my brother, and we went out of Janet Jackson at the... at the fleet center.

Well, you jump around, you know. But, like, what do you guys think? Because I like music, but it's not a huge part of my life. Whenever I end up going to a concert or even, like, a musical, it's not always, like, the best audio-wise. Like, it's not even, sometimes it isn't a great experience. Like, what do you guys think? Do you enjoy that more, or do you enjoy listening to an album?

Like, because sometimes you can't even hear what they're saying. Like, do you enjoy the music more? Is it different? or? I mean, if a performer is a good live performer, yeah, I prefer that.

I mean, the Grateful Dead sounds like shit, their studio records. But I've been to, you know, a few Grateful Dead shows, and it's a completely different thing. I mean, it's like, I don't know why all these hippies are dancing, like weird dreadlocked white people, but

once you get there, you can't help but do it too. It's just, it's there, you know? Yeah, I definitely like the spectacle. Even if it's bad, I like the spectacle, whatever it is. If it's good or bad, I love the light. performance guys I love the live performance and you know what guess what I'm the

type of guy even as a young man I knew something fucked up was gonna happen let's just recover from there and let's rock it from that point mm-hmm I want to see Aerosmith as a young man and they were possibly the worst live concert I had ever gone to see really whether they were high the sound was bad the guy couldn't fucking sing you know I saw him in 77 they were done two or three years after rocks they were fucking done And then they all broke up in there. And then I went to see, then I got Suckett again.

I went to see the Joe Perry Project, open up for Hart at Radio City Musical. Oh, God, talk about bad music. And then I got suckered again. I went to see Aerosmith at the Soap Factory, which is possibly the Federal. It's that small as the Federal. Fucking Arrow Smith at the Federal with the singer,

and there were three, two people left. Because the one guy left with Ted Nugent's guy, Scott St. Holmes, and they went for him to band. Nobody remembers that shit. That's what Scott Same Holmes went. That's why he didn't fight. After Strangle Hole, what do you think happened to Ted Nugent?

He stopped singing. That was fucking, what's his name? And then he left with him and somebody else left, and that was the end of Aerosmith. And I remember that he came out, he threw a joint at somebody, and somebody grabbed them and punched him, and he had to run off the stage at the soap factory.

And that was it. Then they came back with this walk this way, and everybody was happy and jumping up and down, and they're back on iTunes. and yeah lightning strikes wasn't that the narrowsmith their first video oh brutal yeah brutal yeah but they really came back when they really came back when run DMC did walk this way run DMC saves everybody Jesus Christ I'm kind of interested and it's a little bit off topic but for fans of podcasts we kind of like have figured out like the comedy business like you start open mic then you'll like you'll host a show

you'll be a future headliner like how does that process work for people in bands. Like, because it's, there's comedy clubs and there's going to be a new comic there. I don't know. Do you tour to just bars? Like, what's that like? Well, we've been doing this just as kind of friends getting together, and

I guess we're getting people to coming out. So we've kind of plateaued a level that we're comfortable out. We're not taking the show on the road. Mainly, I mean, I work as an actor, mainly. I've been working on a television show for the last seven years. So we haven't been able to tour, and I don't want to be one of those actors that has a fucking band.

Because I don't want to see Kevin Bacon's band or Russell Crow's band or anything like that. I'm sure they're great. I just, I'm not going to care. Kevin Costner's man. Can you imagine going to sit through that? Dennis Quaid has a band. Dennis Quaid, fucking Billy Bob Thornton. He got pissed on.

Does he have a band? No, but fuck it, he might as well. John Stamos. He's a drummer for the... He's playing drums for the Beach Boys right now, John Stamos is. Okay, Stamos gets a pass. Who's the best actor musician? Actor first, then musician?

Actor first. it would be what about Steve Martin Oh yeah Has his banjo Yeah but that's he was That was part of his comedy act Before he became a big movie star

But now he's a Grammy winning Bluegrass guy Yeah and he can really play that banjo Who would be the best though I think Probably Billy Bob right I don't know I heard his stuff

It bothered me It pissed me off when he went to The fucking guy from Baywatch Yeah Hasselhoff. He's big in Germany. He's singing. He's fucking playing the drums.

He's doing solos. He's like John Bonham. My friend said that hate crimes and David Hasselhoff are connected. Because in Germany, when they started having hate crimes, it was when David Hasselhoff was coming out. So, I don't know, connection. Fucking poor David Hasselaw. He's at home right now, counting 20s.

I wish I had his hair. He's counting fucking 20s from now to the end of time. So you guys play every weekend? I mean, the process that Lee was, looking for is it's truly sometimes there's a when you start in Michigan you go to a comedy club one night and there's a guy up there destroying

the players destroying the fucking players and you're like Jesus Christ who is this guy you know I've been doing comedy 15 years I come I never heard of him and he gets off the stage and you go back there and you're like hey man Joey Diaz living in L.A. That was tremendous man how come I never heard you and he guys like I got four kids my wife's a teacher my family's here

I fucking hate this son and you're like have you ever considered going that way and he's like for one I got four kids I'm content with who I am and you leave there

blown away but then after you think about it you go that guy's happier than I am yeah you know he knows who the fuck he is he's fine with it he knows this is what it is

it's a weekend gig for him and there's a guy particularly in Chicago Mike Toomey that's a guy that's a killer so it's his a killer that one night Kennison was coming into a club and they told him as soon as Sam walks in you have to get off and Sam walked in and he kept seeing Sam and he kept saying when

is he going to give me the light and when he got off Sam offered him he goes I've never seen nothing like that a guy killed clean he kills he destroys clean I mean fucking destroys like just boom like grenades go off now he works for a radio station he's older I'm 51 he's got to be 54 or something, you know, but he was comfortable. And that's always great to see. That's the other side of music. You know, I know that you do your martial arts, you do the, you do, you know, you do 19 fucking things, don't you?

Yeah. You fucking consult on a show, you're in the Navy, you fucking search people at the airport. This guy's a savage. He goes to Jiu-Jitsu, you know, I mean, so sometimes people know where they, that's it. And that's a great place to be. before podcasting, I swear to God, guys.

Listen, I love, when I came out of it, I just wanted to do stand-up comedy, but then you're mad, it just says, hey, man, there's these movies, you want to do some movies, and you go to these auditions and shit. And after a while, again, even with acting, you see it for what it is, you know what you want to do, and sometimes people call you up,

and you're like, I'm not going downtown at 415 in the afternoon. Yeah, I'm comfortable. That's not going to change my life. I already got level two insurance. I'm good to go till July. You know, I mean, and that's, you know, there's people that you see,

you ever go out and you see people that are open-nosed, like their fucking nose are open. And they're like fucking foaming from the mouth. Like, I'm going to be a fucking star. And you see him on Facebook, and they do this shit. And after a while, you're like, really?

All this at the end, for what? For what? You're going all out, killing yourself, for what? I remember fucking moving here and wanted to do everything. People would call you and you yes them and now you're there at two in the morning

sitting on the fucking back of a car with tomato juice on your fucking face waiting for the bar to close because that's the only way they can shoot this scene. And then you get to the fucking, the premiere they're going to have is at Club 716 on Sunset where you've got to bring your own fucking popcorn

it's not even a real Hollywood premiere and they got some post up with pictures from some... It's fucking embarrassing. Like, you're going to stay at home. It's not how many Puerto Ricans you shoot. It's who you fucking shoot, Lee. Look at the size of your eyeballs. They're done.

You've got to stop getting high with you. That's what I said. I love that. I love that concept. This is a hobby. This is like just two guys. Now, how many people are in Eltona? I'm sorry.

At full strength, there's 12 of us. Oh, shit. It's a collective. And you guys take the envelope at the end of the night, chop it up 12 ways. No, we pay everybody at Christmas time. Do you really? Christmas time.

We hold up the money. Yeah. Good for you. Everybody gets a few hundred bucks at Christmas time. And what we can say about the band is, for the most part, no one puts any money out to be in the band. If you've ever been in bands before, it's, you're always putting money out. Yeah. Now, how did the idea come about?

Like, does it just guys get together? Me and a couple buddies, we used to meet at this Cajun restaurant. They called it a Cajun restaurant. The food wasn't that good. But they had an upright piano in the back, and they'd give us a beer special. and we could smoke cigarettes and bring our instruments around the piano. We had a piano player and guitar players, a banjo. Guy plays a wash tub bass in our band.

He's made a bass with one string out of a wash tub. And so we just started playing at that place, and we kind of kept them alive for a few more months, and then they closed down. So we found another place, so we just kind of moved around. With the basis being, we were looking for places that kind of had southern food, because we were all southern boys. And we were just looking at places in LA, where we were just looking at places in LA,

places in LA where we could meet once a week and drink and play and have our friends come out. And we started getting better. And so we started playing some clubs and venues. Now the federal likes us. And we love being there. They have a great sound system. They're really nice to us. They feed us.

They pay us. We get to take part of the door and we get a few drinks. We were the Thursday house band, I guess you could say, at Villains Tavern for like three years. Yeah, it's just downtown place. The bar's done now. I don't want to speak out against them because they started being nice to us again. But I'm tired of waiting 25 minutes to get a drink because they're mashing some hipsters, blueberries. I just want an IPA for God's days.

It's serving a mason jar. It's just like... It's amazing what you go through. And it's amazing what you start saying no to and yes to. Yeah. You know, it's amazing what you start saying yes to and no to because you know what you could tolerate after a while. Yeah. You know, you know, you could tell you that door.

And it's the same with comedy. I could never imagine being in a band where, you know, guns and roses, five guys. They all have to agree on the same thing every fucking day of the week. That's never going to happen. And that's why, you know, that's never going to fucking happen. But you guys, people come and go or no, it's the same 12 guys. It's been pretty much the same. We just haven't fired anybody.

If somebody wants to go, they can. Yeah. I bet, yeah. If someone can't make it, we still play. We still got enough people. We have a backup. We can't do it without our drummer. It's hard to do it without the drummer.

And how many nights a week do you rehearse? We don't rehearse. Our gigs are our rehearsals. Your gigs are you rehearsed. We play for three hours each gig. We're like the P-Funk of country music. You can't get us off stage, basically. And are you guys ever go to Austin before?

Haven't yet. We have a couple of invitations. Like I said, I've been working on a television show, and now that that show's over, it was called True Blood. And now that show's over, I have all this time on my hands. Is it officially over? It's over, yeah, there's a few more episodes left. But, I mean, I'd certainly like to jump into another television show.

How was it working on True Blood? It was great, man. It was a great job. I got some... I mean, it's really popular. I'm just not into... I'm scared of fucking vampires. I didn't care about it when I started,

and I still, vampire is not my favorite type of fiction to read or anything like that. But I didn't play a vampire. I played a vampire. veteran with PTSD and that's kind of how Nick and I got a little bit closer because Nick's it was in the Navy and he knows it's martial arts and I don't know how to fight at all and I came to him and I said hey Nick I can you toughen me up at least make me look like I know how to fight and he would help me and teach me how to move a little bit better yeah next you've done a variety of martial arts what is

you what did you start first karate up at the front of the subdivision you know where I grew up, they were giving away like Chinese stars if you signed up or like rubber chucks or something. So I started there. And it was actually pretty cool because my instructor was pretty open-minded. He did kung fu and karate and Japanese jiu-jitsu. So he's kind of like back then it was kind of a mixed martial art. So not like we think of today.

But then this Filipino guy came through and did a couple of them did a demo at one of the karate tournaments and they had a real knife and they were trying to stab each other with it. And they would do these demos with it and I just was blown away. You grew up here. This was in Houston actually. Houston, okay. Around 1980. Wow.

Filipinos? Yeah. In Houston in 1980. I know. That's amazing. Well, they call them Mexicans, but right. They're just mingles. Yeah, exactly.

But we're actually in a big Vietnamese community in Houston. There's a huge Vietnamese. Yeah. And so I was hooked. I was still doing the karate, but they would, you know, like one night a week or something, they'd do Filipino stuff. And I just loved it. I would drive all over Texas because there wasn't the Internet back then where you could just YouTube everything. I heard of a guy in San Antonio's.

I'd drive to San Antonio. I was a guy in Austin. I drive to Austin. And I tried to pick it up. Then I came to California, and it was just rampant. And I'm pretty happy here. You said Chinese stars, because I had a couple of things. a kid. I never knew what did. I tried to stick them in a tree.

And so what is the practical application of a Chinese star? You throw it at your adversary? Yeah, like, it would be like, we're supposed to they have poison and they're quiet. I think they're also called shereikans or shurikans or whatever you want to everyone has to do it. The ninjas carried them, right? They came out of tight late night and that's it. Carrying out. Did you ever get one, sharpen it and throw it? It didn't fucking work. No, it didn't. Those fucking things never stuck in the wall. I had a thousand of them and I used to throw them at everything in the teddy bear. Everybody was getting fucking stabbed. Nothing ever happened with those.

Mine always ended up in the neighbor's yard and I'm like, oh God, when they mow the lawn it's going to be bad. Because they sell them to you but then you have to take them to a hardware store. They get fucking hard. And the guy would look at you weird. You know, you had a relationship with the guy. You went in there twice a year for glue and paint. And now fucking, you know,

it's really amazing how martial arts, if you joined it early, you became this martial arts nerd because I was. Oh, I was. And every time I, and when I dropped out, was when I went bad, and I'll say that for years. As soon as I quit, I quit in February, by March, I started smoking heavy. I would get high, but not when I was hanging out with the karate kids. When I was with the karate kids, we were looking at geese, you know, we were looking at demonstrations. We were going bulldog on the schools.

What's up, bitch? What's up, bitch? Dojo bashing? Dojo bashing. It was just, you know, it was just a different time. And then you meet a Burger King and fucking fight it out, throw sidekicks, and the teachers would get together. It was fucking silly, but that's what it was, you know? Now everybody wants to fucking stab her each other.

Have they found war machine yet? No, but dog the bounty hunter's looking for him. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, I just read it on the internet today. He called him out and told him you have four hours to surrender. I read the statement, and I got to say it was very fucking disturbing, man. But we don't want, we weren't there, and we don't know what the fuck could have happened. You know, the guy was dressed.

and they have them for seven charges. I did see that. But I look at the charges, and those charges are light, Jack. I read it a different way. If he took her in the shower, it's against her will. That's kidnapping.

That's kidnapping, okay? Sexual assault. Sexual assault. If he cut a hair, I mean, there's some fucking heavy-duty charges there. I'm just telling you from a law and honor experience and from a personal experience of my own that when you take somebody from one dwelling into the other,

it's kidnapping. Okay? It just ain't cool. I was reading that and I was like... Oh, no, when you're reading, your neck hair stick up. But I was like, what is he going through right now? Because he's not, like, in his mind, he's not going to get away. Like, what is someone like that when you know they're coming after you?

What is he going through? Look, he's got a fucking grenade on his neck. Okay, so let's say he puts makeup on that because that's what I thought of. Oh, yeah, he's... What would I do if I was him? So let's say somebody said that he's in Canada He couldn't have been in Canada already If he got in the car Friday

In Las Vegas When does he make it to Canada Sunday night, maybe Monday morning, gentlemen You have to go Mexico, don't you think? Do they check you going into Mexico now? Yeah, they check it. Yeah, so let's say he left Vegas at 5 in the fucking morning

Where would he go? Would he go fucking south? To Mexico, where the fuck? Where do you go? He's in a panic. He's in a panic. He's in a panic. He's got to stop and get money,

close. That's an hour. Now that time, the cops had already been there. He's got to get a lot of cash. He's probably got to, if he knows enough to get rid of his credit cards and because any transaction can be traced.

Yeah. Don't catch him with two or two. I'm not. He's tweeting. He gets his phone. Once you go, they probably know where he is. The phone gets stepped on.

That goes under a, in a lake, boom. That's it. There's no communication. That phone gets shut off. Then they pick up his car. God knows. I mean, I can't imagine being him right now and feeling what he's feeling and the remorse he's feeling. Mix that whatever makes him act that way and the anger. And guys, you know, you see this ending a bad way.

This guy had a history of assault, right? He had a history of just fucking being a lunatic, man. Yeah. You know. And he's pretty juiced up from most descriptions. Well, and it just happened like a week or two ago with the guy in Boston, who, like, beat on his wife and then trains his dog to bite his wife, another ex-UFC guy. That's fucking crazy.

That's not good for the sport when that stuff happens. Yeah. I mean, there are individuals. Well, there's been boxers that have bit their opponents either. Sure. He made him quite a comeback. You know, people were mad because of John Jones and Cornelia, having that little tussle. I thought that was awesome.

in boxing for years. Yeah. It happens in boxing for years. Two guys hate each other. They cross the line. I mean, I read that Duran book, how he insulted Sugar Ray's wife. That's how come he beat him.

He told him his wife was a bitch and he was a fuck her in the ass. And Sugar Ray nearly melted, you know? But it's just, today I was like, what the fuck is this? Because I didn't know Dog the Bounty Hunter was on him. I mean, what is this guy thinking right now?

I mean, I've been in that situation with people looking for you. What the fuck are you thinking? Yeah. Does he get made up? Does he turn himself in? He turns himself in guys. He's doing, it was all violent.

So if they give him 18, he's got to do 17 and three fucking quarters. And I hear in Vegas, they don't fuck around. That's what I hear. I don't know how serious they are. I know they give you time for weed. So for tying a bitch up and putting them in the fucking shower and cutting the hair off, that's got to be 10 years right there. That's without the fucking 18 bones broken.

It's just a horrible thing. You know what? He bit out of the day. dude's face. Did you read that? No. The guy she was with? No. Yeah.

Come on. Yeah. I mean, this is just all speculation. This is just stuff I'm reading. But, yeah. And he was a former reality show contestant or something. It's just a bad energy to be involved around for some people who are highly volatile like that, you know, who the fuck knows what happened, what really happened when he got there, you know.

But our prayers from the church are with him. What are you going to do? What are you saying only that? My prayers are with your fucking eyeballs? Look at them later. What are you going to do when you go home? Mama's waiting for you. What are you going to do?

How are you going to act with your fucking red shirt and your red eyeballs? It's like a big stop sign. You're fucking. That's why I love you. Look at you. Yeah. Now, we want to the...

We're big fans of music, man. You know? Music is part of the thing. The problem is YouTube cuts your fucking music off and shit so the podcast will keep it. So that's the problem. I wish people would just let us play their music because it just makes sense.

You know, I would want some. Did you bring a CD? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We own it. At least the first four tracks. All right. It's us. Do you sell these two?

Yeah, give them away. All right. It's hard to sell music. This is it. This industry went. It's amazing how it's changed. Yeah. In 20, it's amazing that when I got to L.A.,

I would go to that mall and get a coffee, and I'd walk in one by the Laugh Factory. Yeah. What's that mall there? What's the name of that coffee place? Oh, Sunset Five. What's that coffee place in that? It's been there since Jesus left fucking Chicago.

First time I went in there ever, Georgia the Jungle was in there, almost had a heart attack. What's his name? The young, good-looking. Brendan Frazier? Brendan Frazier. My second day, I got here. Monday night, Tuesday.

I was waiting online at the Laugh Factory to do three minutes, and we switched to go get coffees in that place. The point being, there was a record store in that, correct? When I was there. There was a tower records there. Tower records there, okay? How big was that? Just so people at home know, how big was that motherfucker?

Yeah, it was huge. But now Amoeba, which is in Hollywood now, not there on the strip, but that's an enormous record store. How great is that fucking use? For the music enthusiast, you walk into an Amoeba, it's like a fucking... It's like walking into gambling. Yeah, it's like walking into Las Vegas if you're gambling.

Like, when I walk into Amoeba, I make sure. I have like the little credit card. Like the one that's got 340 on it because you can't do that much damage. Because there's shit you find. Like I saw an album. I was looking for this particular Cuban album. And I went on eBay and all that shit.

They wanted a yardstick flat. The cheapest who had it was 90 bucks. I went to Omeba. They had the CD for $15.99. Bam. I bought three of them just to go, just in case if I ever lose it again. They've got everything.

They've fucking O'Meeba. They got one in San Francisco. A couple fucking places. But it's amazing that there were two big record chains. And the other one by Starbucks on the corner there, on the other side of sunset. There was a tower. Tower, and there was something else on the other side of the fucking sunset.

But they're gone. They're gone. They don't even remember anymore. They don't even nothing. Nothing. Like, that's it. So, well, the point being is that people aren't buying music no more. And now you have to tour like fucking savages to make, you know.

And at the end, even if you saw 8,000 tickets, They still come to you. You're in the fucking red. By the way, insurance, hot dogs for the staff. Ooh, you sang one song too many. That puts everybody on triple overtime at $2,000 a fucking night. And next thing you know, you're like, you're touring the fucking pay your label.

And it's amazing. I don't know the people or the guy's name, but when I lived on Sunset, 1440 God, or Ralphie Mae and Ricky Cruz and all those guys down there that was a kid named Martin. And he was friends with the kid would come over. he looked familiar it was the kid who his band opened up for uh rage against the machine on a big tour and when i left i go that guy must we're talking about money and my friend's like that guy can

barely pay rent because they sing like four songs or something yeah and everything goes to the record label to pay the studio time he's dying and i was in shock you're opening up a rage against the fucking machine and you're fucking broke but you know what are you going to do things are battle all over. That's why, Lee, why are you looking at me like a fucking Matador? What? Well, he was saying, what's the, like, the train of success for a band, like,

for a comic. It's kind of changed. Like, when we first started playing music, when we were little, it was always like, get a record deal. If they could just see you or... You make your demo, and then you give it to someone, and then they make your record better. Yeah. That's like what people used to do.

So Tom Petty talking about that. Yeah, and then there was the... If you sell out like the club, like you're in Jersey, and you just get five or, you know, 300 people to come every Friday night, the record company will find you. That was like one other sort of thing. Now you learn how to use the pro tools or whatever, and you make your own record and you put it on and you can do that.

That's a avenue now. It's amazing what a band could do in two and a half years with social media today. Yeah. With no nothing. But this would cost the band time. Not a lot of money, but five guys that knew each other that was serious about something, and each had the same commitment, you know, to get together, you know, once a week to rehearse and have to six months play whatever.

I don't know how the music business works. But what I'm trying to say is social media could really, because you just blast it on Facebook and Twitter, but at the same time you give them little pieces, your Twitter, the live performances, everything ties together, but it takes time. and people want to do it for four months and they go this doesn't work no you fuck you gotta keep doing it you gotta do it the same way every day and people one day will pay attention

and go why is this fucking Todd Lowe keep fucking tweet me this fucking goddamn song every fucking day and he clicks it home one day he's like I did this shit now they listen to two of you songs but it takes time and I think that the same way Twitter worked for comics it would work in the music industry for that but now a musician you control everything

Joey are you big on Twitter? Are you active? Yeah, I really like it. It's worked for me. Were you reluctant when it first started? Oh, fuck, yeah. Like, you don't want to give your jokes away. I mean, you write, you think of something funny, you tweet it,

does that go in the act? I've wondered how this works for comics. Here it is. So, you fucking, okay, let's get out the elephant out of the fucking table. Robin Williams died on Monday. How long do you hear the first Robin Williams Joe? Okay. So,

Tomorrow night you turn on CNN or whoever fuck a TV show you watch. He says that joke or any other topical joke. Topical joke is something not about yourself, but of the daily's events. And it's hysterical. Sometimes you might see some of the 6 o'clock news. If you could work that bitch by 1045 at the comedy store, if there's 200 people, 11, 100 of those watch fucking 6 o'clock news. They all watch the same clip.

you already had the thing. You look like a fucking hero. How long is that bit going to last you? Two weeks. It's a throwaway bit. That's all Twitter is. It's a throwaway bit. I love these people that go,

hey, guess what? L.A. Hoot-Nanny at the Federal. Tweet me right now. The first five people, you get away five tickets. That's fucking great. But I didn't see no value in that fucking tweet. Give me a fucking song and give me a funny tweet. Hey, you Texas cocksuckers, listen to this.

Texas. What the fuck? Boom, they hear whatever little country, a little Billy Ray. Whatever the fuck they hear. Loar them with something else. You got them involved.

People on Twitter want to be involved. I've been on Twitter at three in the morning. You're talking to people in fucking England. There you are. You got insomnia. You got nothing else to do. Twitter for me

worked as a writing tool. For just something topical, man. Something that just happened that your first reaction, your first real, reaction because that's the only way you're going to get this to work.

You've got to push the envelope a little bit and that's what really comes to you. We're very nice people in this room but when we see some, we see it on our twist. We don't repeat what we see. Those are our real fucking thoughts. Sometimes you've got to put those in Twitter in 140 characters or less

and it works out. Lee, is it not worked out? I've been banned from both of them. I had a picture of my nutsack on Twitter for the longest fucking time. When I hit you with a message, got a picture of your nuts at, but that's what social media is about. If I, fuck, every day I say it. If I was a plumber, I'd be on Twitter. Because it's 30% more business for you.

I don't know exactly what the secret would be for music. But you saw me yourself. You give away L.A. Houten, Annie, some of you sell, some you give away. You put five songs on here. In the 80s, they used to make EPs. Rat released an EP. Yeah. Ozzy Osbourne released an EP. give away that road and then sell me the other four sonners. It's a neat.

I don't know. I don't fucking know. But there's got to be some way of band. Listen, that 20 years ago, everybody went to Motley crew, everybody stood 30, 40, 35 years ago, right? What was the formula then? You went to that place, you got a wig, you wore tight pants, you shot out of the hell out of the city. You yelled and shit. You listen to Motley Crew and you're like, what the fuck is this?

These guys really did sell those old. Some of the music is great. The rest of the fucking singer, you're like. Like, what the fuck am I listening to? But what was the pattern then? It changes. The same way it changes for a comedian. When I got here, you popped up on a TV show,

and you went on the road, and people automatically came to see it. I got my first TV show. Guess how many people came to see me? Nobody. I got a mad TV. That's like one of the best comedy shows. People put on there from Mad TV. Nobody came to see me.

Then they go, you got to get a movie. I got a movie. Nobody came to fucking see me. It changes. What is the pattern now? You know, how would a musician make Twitter work for them? Or even a podcast. Well, you can't put music.

We're not as clever as a comic, so we're not going to put little wittuses. I mean, I don't know. Nick's fucking clever. He's clever. Nick's clever. Nick's clever. Nick, put pictures of you hitting people in the head with sticks.

People love that shit. We do try to put as much content on our Facebook page as possible just to let people know we're still out there. I'll occasionally put just something, because a lot of us are actors in the band, and so if they're on a TV show that night, we'll put a little clip about it or something. I think there's an L.A. Hootnanny Twitter account.

I don't know. I never Twitter on my thing. I did it for a little bit, but I did Twitter. Facebook. Then my lady caught me tweeting with other girls, so it's like I got to put the kibosh on that, and I don't know how to do the privacy and hide shit. So let me answer you something.

So you were occurred on True Blood? I was in the cast. You bad, motherfucker. Yeah. You bite people in the neck? No. You were a fucking vet. You're a vet.

Yeah, I was a vet. And my character died last season, but in this last season, there's ghosts and everything. Tremendous. Yeah. Now, you take it up at that farm up there. My buddy is... Greer Ranch. Is that what you're talking about?

Yeah, because my buddy... Calabasasas? Yeah, his girlfriend, she's a comic booker, and he runs the ranch or something. He's told me a couple times. If I wanted to come up, I figured Jason something, I forget what the fuck the name is. Yeah, I remember this guy, I think, one of those edibles. A little guy, I think his parents, I don't know.

Yeah, his parents have owned it. Yes, okay, right, right, right. And then in the second season, we had this big tree that they made out of meat because this crazy witch lady was taken over the town. And I think he had to sit out there with the 22 rifles and keep the coyotes off the meat tree. The meat tree, yeah. How many episodes did you have in? I guess about 60.

And are you happy it's over? I mean, I like the paycheck. Don't get me wrong. Sure, sure. It was nice and I'm hoping to find another TV show. But yeah, but the role fit me like a glove. And the people were very nice. I know it sounds cliche, but we felt familial.

But they hired me the two stars, Anna Pac-1 and Steve Moyer, number one and two on the call sheet. They got married in the second season, so they hired me to play their wedding out in Malibu. So, yeah, it was a close. knit group of people. Your wife in the show? Y'all are pals. Yeah, we're pals.

Yeah, she comes out to see us. Yeah, so I'm going to miss everybody. Everybody's going to go their separate ways, but I made contacts that I'll know for the rest of my life. Fingers crossed. I love the diversity here. I love that, you know, you play music,

but, you know, you act, but your outlet is your music. Yeah. Which is fucking beautiful. I mean, I wish people knew that that life exists. That's just a dream life. It's a dream life. It's a dream life.

Right now until the money dries up. And even have, just to be able to do it. Just to be able to have the opportunity to go do what you really love on somebody else's nickel, you know, while you're doing something. And on your other hand, you know, I like you, Nick. You're a bad motherfucker. You're a great martial artist. You know, you're great jitza guy.

You taught me a lot how to breathe. You fucking taught me moves and shit. You know, you're in the Hall of Fame. Yeah. You just got inducted. You're in the name. Navy. I mean, the fucking Navy. Yeah, that was a pretty

trippy one. And you're out now? No, no, I'm in. I'm a public affairs officer. I'm a reservist. My dad was a Navy pilot, so I was always groomed to be in the Navy, be a pilot, and then my eyes went bad or something when I was a little kid,

but... Do you wear corrective lenses? No, I got Lasic. Oh, you got Isaac? Yeah. Like 10 years ago, it still works. But I was always supposed to be in the Navy, but, I was always supposed to be in the Navy. and my dad was an airline pilot too so planes were like we were all about planes but I just kind of fell back into the my parents were real supportive just

fell into the arts martial arts movie-making music and I just eventually went on this Hollywood tour of the Navy that the Public Affairs Department the Navy does and he's like I was like I always thought I'd be in the Navy but I'm too old and he goes, well, there's this program that, you know, you have a lot of media experience. They kind of put you in the Navy. And so I went in as a, I got a commission as an officer. And public affairs ever since. And you still do tournaments, you teach it?

How many nights a week you teach over in Vime? I do Monday nights, and our colleague program goes Wednesday and Thursday. But I just teach Mondays. And then I teach, I have like my backyard group. I teach on Saturdays. We get to hit each other more and curse more and stuff. So that's kind of my out in the park, called Picnic Style, shoot the shit a little bit,

you know, swing some sticks, tell lies, swing some more sticks. It's real laid back. I'm not going to lie to you guys, man. When I got into comedy, I just got out of prison, and I was married, that little girl, and I was a roofer, and I became an estimator for the company. And I was very content.

I never, never tried. dreamt about being in LA. I never even, not even, it never even crossed my fucking mind. I would read about Igbees and, are you from here? I don't know, you're from him. Well, no, I know a little bit.

I would read about Igbees in the Comedy Store and Pasadena the Ice House. And I would, like, tears would come to mind that I would never have that opportunity. I would never be fucking good. I'm sure you said this on your show before, but I've just met you, but where did you first go up?

Where was your first set? At the Comedy Works in Denver. that was my first set were you living in Denver I was living in Boulder I was going to school in Boulder and I got pens for drugs and the shit and then I came out

you know I was always like the guy in the corner on the bus were always talking shit and then but I'm not going to lie the people at home or Lee or you guys when I got into this I always thought I would have a day job and this would be

Tuesday here Thursday here Saturday here if I was lucky Lucky enough, maybe somebody come to town and shoot a movie, if I could be an extra, I would be very happy. And then this just moved so fucking quickly. Once I got into this, it was just one thing led to the other. And all of some people like, why do you even have a day job? And one minute, you're in Seattle.

One minute, you're in a car to the laugh factory. The next minute you're back in the car. And you're living on sunset. You know, and taking showers at Ralphie May's house and doing spots at the store. and going on the road and it just you end up here with a beautiful thing. Same thing with like movies and TV.

It's amazing. I never, ever thought I would ever get a role on anything. I never thought I was good enough or I could act. I went to an NYPD Blue audition and had a t-shirt with a whistle on and I kept going through Fox

and somebody popped out as I was walking. It was Libby, Libby Jordan, Libby Johnson. And she goes, are you here for an audition? I guess so. Libby Goldson?

She works with She did True Blood I don't know if that's the The one They're in an office Like with two other A guy and a chick or something Like that

Junie Johnson Yes that office Yes So I see her And she goes Here for the audition Yeah She comes out

Boom I read it Read it again Okay thank you I'm living in a fucking hotel On Schrader Is the hostel now Uh huh I'm living in a hotel

On Shrader It's $40 a night I'm doing blow upstairs after the comedy store, I have rubber furniture in my room. I have those little fucking towels with like cigarette burns of them and shit. And all of a sudden they're like, Diaz, phone call

and I go down and it's my manager. It's like, you book basketball. You got three weeks on basketball for $5,500 a week. That's such a good call to do you. I'd never heard anything like that in my life. And I kept saying, $5,500, what? What the fuck are you saying? He's like, they're going to give you $5,500 a week.

Plus a per diem. For three weeks per diem. And he's like, I got you a medium trailer. What are you saying? What fucking trailer are you talking about? What? What? And he goes, but you got to join SAG.

It's 1250. And you didn't have it? I was minus 18,000. $1.250 for SAG. Would he lend it to you? Did you ask him? Because I asked mine that they wouldn't. The last day, the production company,

wrote the check and said, we'll take it out. And they never took it out And there was a... You ask me no questions, I'll tell you no less. So Sag was on the arm. 1250. Yesterday, I'm walking the baby in the car.

And I see a guy from the neighborhood. He's walking, his little chihuahua, a nice little Spanish guy. And we start talking. I was watching him with the dog for like three years. And we're talking. And he goes,

he goes, can I ask you a personal question? I go, what? He goes, how much did it cost you to join Sag? He goes, those fucking thieves? they want $3,000. $3,000 to become a fucking, and for what? And you have to pay for your health insurance now, too. Yeah, three bills a month.

What is it, 300, a quarter? It's still reasonable. No, it's reasonable. But it used to be free seven years ago. Yeah, it was free. Oh, my God. It's things that fucking change. Liza, I look at you.

Yes, they have. Leasing the thing, Lees in the fucking plateau. He's burning 800 calories a day. He hasn't fucking gone to the bathroom. in a week. When I was a sophomore in high school, I didn't go to the bathroom for a fucking like three days. We were on a bus from East Orange, New Jersey,

Northbury with a bunch of chili as I dropped a fart. It was the worst thing I ever smelled my life. Girls are crying. It was fucking classic. They kept blaming on the bus driver. Fuck it, Lee. You got to go to extreme measures. You got to go to CVS and go to the

pharmacists and pull them aside and go listen. I've been eating hummus for fucking 18 years. Drink some coffee, man. Drink half a bottle of whiskey tonight. You'll be fine tomorrow. Some whiskey. Half a pack of cigarettes. You sit there for a little while, wiggle the muffler.

Push. But don't push too hard. That's what killed Elvis. Yeah. Just push, maintain. Is that prolax or something? Yeah, man, you got to relax. How the fuck don't you go to the bathroom?

You know what? You don't eat cereal. You don't do nothing. You don't eat lettuce. What? You kill me. That's why. I eat a lettuce.

I just went. Fifty one years old. They stopped the fucking camera. My asshole. They took pictures. I got the pictures at the house. You gotta see the tubes. I'm gonna see that fucking hummus.

That's a twopmus. Nothing. And they gave me the whole picture. Pop, pa, pap, pap, pa. Let's say that's the asshole. They show the camera go right up. Tight, tight, little fucking muffler. I didn't even have that fucking twist to it at the end.

And then they pop it open. They don't know how to pop it open. It's like they see my asshole, then they're in my ass. They don't show the fingers, nothing. They fucking smart those motherfuckers. They know I got Jew attorneys. They fucking. Then they show the whole.

whole thing, Lee, the intestines, the whole thing. I had four little fucking marks. You don't want that. And the guy said, you look fucking tremendous. Keep doing what you're doing. I try to, you got to eat the lettuce, Lee. I eat lettuce. I had lettuce tonight. How much lettuce is you? You had like two pieces of fucking lettuce. I got a salad.

How big was a salad? It was a salad wrap. What was in it? What else is in it? It was just a Caesar salad one. What kind of meat? Chicken. Chicken. What kind of chicken? Charboiled. Right, charl bro. They probably got that frozen shit from Rouse.

You know how many chemicals that got in? Well, I don't know. They all run together. You got to get it together, though. Talk to them. Todd, talk to him. I don't know. I'm an alcoholic, man.

He needs to drink it all that up. God bless you, though. As long as you don't get help, don't become one of those pussies and taps out. If you're an out, you keep going at this point. You did seven years on the show you deserve it. It's a lot of pressure. Let me give some fucking shoutouts here.

We've got shit to do with people to see. Are you going to play that CD? No, we're not going to play a CD. You guys are going to play some music. Don't go nowhere. Nick, take a look at the girl's picture there. Raw child, I love you. Bergey, we love the fucking, you know what I'm talking.

Tocke, surveillance 702, always. Waterboxer, get it together, cocksucker, Amanda Salgado, Jason Seagore's, Antonio Martinez, Dan Pizzini, and Jake Ryan. I love you, coxuckers. Thank you for being part of the church of what's happening. Now, you know, we always try to give people shout out. You got to make people's daily.

You're fucking mummified over there What's a problem, Lee? There's no problem You're sitting there like, you know He's not going to be able to get back in Huh? He's not going to be able to get back in. He's not going to be fine

And who are you texting, dog? What the fuck? What the fuck? You're over there trying to text the girl On the fucking map They're going to charge you $800 Maybe I get you 10% off Speaking of 10% off

Onit.com Fuck it today I got a box of, I got two boxes of Strongbow But after my surgery You already sent him to me I got a little thing of fucking in whatever, I popped it today

before Higgin Machado's fucking class. Swin Tech Sport. I was sweating up a storm. Shroom Tech Sport. And I fucking lasted. Me and the kid did some life fucking sparring. I did the class. And we did more fucking sparring than this brown boat took me and fucked me up. He wasn't nice like you. He fucked me up.

He fucking did some shit to my show. Really? That was high level. You ever get beat up, but you're like impressed with the beating. You're like, God damn, he fucking beat me up. Good. It takes a man sometimes. That's why you learn. You're absolutely right. Sometimes

that's why it's tough for a lot of people to go to Jiu-Jitsu. I hear that a lot of people can't take the tat. Me, I don't give a fuck. It's a lot of trust though, too. Yeah. He's got his arm around your neck. If he decides to keep it on, he's a lot better than you.

That's rough. And sometimes your arms get stuck and shit. You know, I always try to position myself as he's going and block one and keep that tap hand open. Oh yeah, I keep that tap hand right fucking there. you won't need that fucking tap hat if you go with honor dot com you understand me you will never

fucking tap with the hat protein i'm telling you right now the chocolate the assayee vanilla i fucking love it superb you know i truly believe in these people like i said this is not just a supplement this is optimization as they fucking say it's a different level for your body for your mind for your soul it's like hitting somebody with the fucking sticks on the head number two i want to give a shout out to my main people naturebox.com you motherfuckers are always throwing eating my heart. You understand me always. I gotta start doubling up on you people because the fucking snacks are delicious.

I'm getting slimmer. You know why? Because the nutritionist approved. And I only eat like a fucking savage. I open up the bag, there's zip bags. So when you get Naturebox.com, you don't have to eat the whole fucking thing. Like when you buy chips, you got to fucking open up the chips, eat them. But then you feel guilty because you got to

put that butterfly thing in. You know a roach is going to get in there in the middle of the night and it's going to fuck up your chips. So you say, well, you know what? Fuck that. I'm going to eat all the chips. because I'm gonna get mine, you know what I'm saying? Fuck it, not with Nature Box. Nature Box comes as a resellable seal. Trusting, I'm telling me these snacks are fucking world-class.

I wouldn't be sitting here fucking dropping knowledge on Newark Suffice. Nutristeners are proved, they're healthy, most importantly, they fucking taste good. Look at these people blowing their nose in the hallway, people are doing blow. What kind of office is you got me in, Lee? Go to naturesbox.com. Go to the box, press in.

Joey. Joey, J-O-E-Y, get 50% off your first dollar. You get 50% off, man. What the fuck you said that? That's half off. That's half off. That's half off. I think that's your fault.

Tell Nature's Box we sent you. So what do you do? You're on the box and press. Joey. Joey. Naturebox.com. Joey, in the box! We got 50% off your first daughter.

Why are you fucking confusing, really? Also, my brother's up there, David and Peter, my main dogs. Up at NailedaLife.com. They got the fucking vapor pens. They got people out there beeping like fucking savages. I don't like a shit in the middle of the night. They got vapor pens. What else they got over there?

They got T-shirts on the website. They got Nailed-Lumies. Gummies. I don't think they can send the fucking gummies. That's against the law. If the cops come, you're going to be like, cheeching, you're on your fucking own. I'm not going to go to jail for you for saying gummies.

And I'm supposed to sell gummies on the air. You get your shit together. Well, if you're in their area. Fucking vapor pens only. The best vapor pen on the market. Go to NailvelilLife.com. Get 20% off. What are you pressing the box, leave?

You just mentioned Joey Diaz. Joey Diaz. And you get 20% off. And I want to rewelcome some of the best shit I've ever put on because I've been using them for Jitsu. MeUundis.com, sensational. Let's face it. You know how old your underwear are?

Look at your fucking underwear. You know how long you usually keep your underwear? They did a fucking survey. Seven years. Seven years. You know what your underwear look like after fucking seven years? It's skid mark on top of skid mark. Nuts sweat on the side.

You bust through the elastic. Where you had that white head on your ass. It pops. People know there's a little red dot. on your ass, either you got a needle or you got a little pimple on your muffler, you'll need that aggravation. That's why I like Meandis. Plus, they work for Jiu-Jitsu. I fucking swear to God they don't come off. People have to put up with my hairy nut cracking the rash and my asshole. Who needs that aggravation? You're just going there and get somebody in a fucking

armbar. Go to meondies.com before September 1st and get 20% off. Take a look at the men's, take a look at the women's stongs. Go to me on these.com. I'm not fucking around which I got a mom doctor right now, but there's four dudes in the room. I take my underwear out. I'm getting beat up with one of those fucking sticks. What's the code word for me? Just go to meundee.com slash Joey. It has to be before September 1st.

Before September 1st, get 20% off your first daughter, and guess what? They send them right to your house. No more fucking stores, no more nothing. These things are fantastic. They don't have the pee-hole. You get a little nut sack right there. Makes your nuts look fucking tremendous.

Let's give you an extra protection. If somebody kicks you with a fucking toe, sometimes they're a karate class, somebody thinks they're cute. and they kick you with a free fucking total of the nuts sack. Who needs that aggravation? Go to meundees.com. Get your shit together.

Nailda.com. Nature's box on it. Press what in the box? Church. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H-L-Lee. What the fucking thing you're dealing with some... Joy Bannis?

What plans you got for the weekend? I know you got the wife up at the house. What's going on? She's going back tomorrow. You're taking her back tomorrow or it's over. Yeah. And what are you going to do after Thursday? You're going to sit down like a moat?

No, no. She's just going to come back Saturday. I don't know right now. What are you going to do tomorrow? What are you going to see a movie or something? I don't even know what's out. What are your fucking movies you're going to go see? What are you going to make a little sex movie?

What? What? Have I what? Thought about making a sex movie. Oh God, no one wants to see that. Who needs to see this? There's no good angle yet. There's always a good look at you.

You're like a fucking head. Wiggle for Uncle Jerry. Give me a little wiggle. What? Stop. With the misgunner. I get you. Stop!

You fucking sexy cocksucker you. True blood. What's going on, baby? We're here. You ready to play some fucking music? What about you there? I don't sound like shit. No, man.

You got to be fucking positive. Oh, we'll be positive. I didn't fucking... Impromptu. Impromptu. Hey, dog. Just think of Allison Chan's on fucking... When the guy was on heroin with no teeth,

you think he rehearsed? You think he didn't go up there and prompt fucking too? That's true. Go up there. Show him what you got. You got teeth. Shane McGowan in 10 years as well. Who else didn't have teeth in their fucking performances?

Shane McGowan. Yeah. He had one tooth, I think. From the Poges? Nirvana was almost done. You got to go up there and take a chance. Columbus did. You guys never know.

I'm going to take that vote of confidence. Yeah, man. Oh, we also played the American Legion over in Hollywood next to the old... That's a great building. You ever been in there? No, I don't know. Do they do comedy in there?

They would. They have... Yes, they would love to. Yeah. I got my... You know, I had my wedding party, one of the colleges. Oh. Really?

Did you know that guy? Right by the Hollywood Bowl. Oh, those ones above it? Or like... Right in the front there, if you go down below, it's like a picnic area. There's holes there. Whenever they have their parties in there,

my wife works with a Hollywood Bowl. Oh, shit. Come on, now. I thought you fucking knew it. I thought you were deep like that. You know what you're dealing with some fucking novice from 10th Street or something? No, no way. So, talk to me about this Hall of Fame shit.

You won the Hall of Fame. You got in there with Bruce Lee. It's called the Master's. Hall of Fame yeah I was nominated and it was a good pretty good group of Filipino martial artists and that was a big honor it was a good time but I have to say Joey Karate one of my idols that was we used to make sticks and watched Joey Karate on YouTube that was amazing I was a long time ago I could throw some sidekicks with Jesus and I can still I got flexibility you get good kicks yeah yeah he still

fucking throw them at night just and get the blood in it. I love it, man. I love all that stuff. And when I got away from the martial arts is when I really fucked up. Now that I've been back in it, little by little,

especially the jih Tzu. Jiu-Tuos got me baffled. I don't like things that baffle me. Like, I'm a pussy musician. Let's get this out of the way, guys. I didn't have the patience or time to get a guitar and go to the third floor every week and sit with some guy for six months,

then go on my own. It's my dream. Yeah. I got into this because, hey, once I heard the song and I was the song I was the same There ain't no turning back I was a gun to Brown's house

He had some chick down I would only suck your dick on the toilet He offered me a little heroin I was 16 I swear to God He put on no cord I thought it was all over But they're shouting

I joined pastore music And I joined the bass program Did that for about three months I wanted the patience That's my musician's story Lisa I wanted you to fluke The band No I did

I played the violin in the first grade For one year It was terrible. And then I tried to do... I tried to learn a guitar, but my fingers were too short. All right, good. That's it. That's all of it.

All right. So, man, this, you got to play some fucking music music? Let's do it. Yeah. Let's jam this motherfucker. Ouch. Shit. How do you do?

I'm really high. That's what you're supposed to be. It's Wednesday night. Okay. We ain't got time to fuck around. We usually have eight more people with us to back us up, or to help us out, fill up the sound. How about a...

A little music kind of the church of what's happening now, the respect. Got to switch it up, people, from time to time. Like I told you, we come on and do the... This is the mic check. How am I sounding? It's not a surprise, no. Like, you come out here in Curse and talk about Lee and eating somebody's muffler.

Who gives a fuck, you know? You got to switch it up from time to time with little music. I like it, you know? It's soothing for the soul. Just to let you motherfuckers know one full of fact. I know about fucking coming here and insulting people.

Are you just killing time until we're ready? We're just fucking around. We're just fucking around. Just listen to some music. Sit back. I know half a year's stone to the fucking guilt. You're sitting there thinking, what's next to my life? It's Thursday morning when I still don't have my shoe-be-up.

You can have to come up with you. Yeah, she'll get that. But it's nice. Thank you for listening tonight. I'm sorry. I'm fucking around. I'm a little wiped up. I eat a half a cookie and a gummy bear with Liam.

That's what the gummies were. Cemetery, I'm Friday night at 8 o'clock. I guess we're ready. Let's do this shit. Let's do this. Oh, shit. Well, I met the Lord Jesus and he showed me both his feet. He said, you sit upon the ground, kid, and I sit up on the seat.

your scrub brush grab your washing pan get between my toes kid and I'll tiff you if I can well I commenced to scrubbing on the sweet Lord Jesus feet always knew he was coming but should this be how it means with his arches pink and scaly and there's blisters on his corn's Then I looked at my Lord Jesus and saw he was growing horns. That's how the devil turned my foot water to whiskey. And I can't remember nothing since that day. But that burning amber fluid became a leaking from his tutsies. Wept into my water and it washed my cares away.

So arm in arm with Satan, I went stumbling. down the street. And I was rolling dice that Jesus Christ would save a space for me. And I've been cursing all the curing and cradling this disease. That brought me credit cards and titty bars and bisexuality. One, two, and me, that's how the devil turned my foot water to whiskey. And I can't remember nothing since that day. day but that burning amber fluid that came a leaking from his tuitsees wept into my

water and it washed my motherfucking cares away I'm waiting for that black lady and knock on the door that's on you all right y'all were laughing at something that was going on I hope it was the lyrics let me tell you something we our other office when we were loud in that one day and all of a sudden we heard some lady just banging and she's like stop smoking marijuana and we weren't really smoking marijuana and we're like, we're not smoking pot and it was on the podcast.

So I'm looking at Lee and I know he's thinking the same thing at that black ladies and I'm not going to do and go, what are you guys doing and that was tremendous. That was fucking tremendous. Is that an original song? That's an original song. That's on here? That one's not on there. That's on another record I have

with my old band Pillbilly Knights, but we do that song with the new band. See what I'm saying? It's a hard to do you want some fucking little of your thing. Lee, you bring the tambourine? No, I looked at home. What the fuck, Lee? Lee, can you imagine that black lady?

That's all I kept thinking of it. Should you still let me know, I didn't know. I wouldn't save the yodel. No, I love the fucking yodel. That's the whole patois. That's the backbreaker right there, you know. That's amazing. You get the guys who just fucking pick up the guitar

and just throw down anywhere. I love it. Oh, my God. What's the story, Lee? What happened? Lee, where you hold that? What's up? Lee, why you hold him the towel that like that for you?

Like a fucking movie producer. All right, I'd like to thank L.A. Hootnanny for coming in here tonight. Lee, where are you at this week? Are you performing anywhere? No. All right, good. Stay home. Fucking Jumping Jacks this week.

Do something. I'm going to be in Paducah Friday night at some fucking cafe, et cetera. Come on down. Kids are allowed. I'm doing an R-rated show, so bring the kids down. They're fucking confused. Where's my boys at L.A. Hootanette? Bring it down from me.

We're at the federal this weekend. Right? What time? At the New Yorkshire Boulevard at 8.30, 9? 8.30 to, yeah, 830 to 10, 30, 11. Okay. Kind of the early show, but we play a long time. Yeah.

And you're upstairs. Yep. Bring your dancing shoes. Yeah. Lee's going to go represent. He's bringing the tuxedo looking sharp. You can do some of those moves? Lees is a fucking savage.

Shake. Lee was on America's Got Talent. I believe it. They said, all right. For what? I don't fucking know. Countdown for the sponsor. I'd thank, on it again, naturebox.com.

Nailed it, life, and me undies.com. Go over there before September 1st, stay 20%. All our other sponsors, I love you, stay black. Have a great weekend. Thank you, gentlemen. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Now that this show is over, remember to go to naturebox.com

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So it's also sponsored by audit.com. Go to alpha, go there to get Alpha Brain, New Moot, trumet, Immune, Trumetect Sport. Use code word church to get 10% off. For all the oil and wax smokers out there, go to NelditLive.com and get 20% off of a vapor pen when you mentioned Joey Diaz. And go to meetundies.com

and check out the men's underwear and women's songs, go to meetendiz.com slash joey before September 1st and get 20% off of your first order. And, yeah, we didn't pay a song to end with. But who knows? I'll just keep going with this. The dirty hack that shot your woman down. Yes, no, yes, my name is Willie Lee.

You've got a warrant just to read it to me. She's slow. I thought I was her daddy But she had five more I was dressed in black They put me on a train And they took me back Had no friend I bail

They slap my dieter carcass in the county jail Her next morning About a half past night I spied his sheriff Coming down the line Up then he caught as he flared his throat She said, looking on, you dirty hack into that district court. And through the fourth room, my trial began,

where I was handled by 12 honest men. Just before the jury started out, I saw that little judge comments to look about. In about five minutes, and walked a man, holding the verdict in his right hand, The verdict tread in the first degree Have mercy on me The judge smiled as he picked up his pen

Ninety-nine years In the wholesome pen To get today I shut that bad bitch down Come all you gotta listen on to Have receptions, Matt Locke A50632 And Bat Shelter A39-879 They have receptions

Yeah. Hot down there.