The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #208 - Joey Diaz, Vicky Pezza and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: August 28, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by Comedian and Podcaster Vicky Pezza live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey before September 1 for 20% off. Recorded live on 08/27/2014. Music: Tupac - Gangster Party Motley Crue - Looks that Kill

This show is sponsored by NatureBox, where you can order great tasting, healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks smarter with healthy and delicious treats like Santa Fe cornsticks and French toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com, promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com, promo code Joey. The show is also sponsored by Ona.com. Go there for Alphabrain, New Mood, Shroom Tech, Immune, Shrame Tech Sport, anything like that, and use Codeword Church to get 10% off of your order. For all the oil and wax smokers out there,

Go to Naleditlif.com for the premier vapor pound on the market. Mention Joey Diaz and get 20% off of your order. And the show is also sponsored by hitesigs.com. Hitesig. The proof is in the ESIG. Use co-bird Joey's Church, and get 20% off of your order. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Monday night, the church, Wednesday night, the church of what's happened now, these fucking narcos are working. Oh shit. Lee, Lee Syatt, you bad motherfucker. Losing 40 pounds on the treadmill,

working it, slurking it, subway is the way to go. Uh, ah! Vicki Pez in the house. Wednesday night, the day the devil was fucked in the ass. Kick to the fucking pussy. Uh, dance, fuck, believe. Let's do that wiggle, baby. Everybody here ain't brownies,

those Tom Cigua Cillis, so we're back. What's up, baby? Nothing. I almost had a panic attack today because I had to go get a fitting for a wedding. And in the place where I went, and it's right in Burbank,

the place has a crispy cream store, a Panda Express, a Wendy's, and a whole old home style of a Faye thing. All the way out there, by the Cuban place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And they got everything. Warm, crispy cream.

Smelling after that one. If the light had been on, I might have been on. You would have cracked. But one donut is 60 points. It's six points. That has to be like 400 calories. No, it's like 300 calories. You burn that in 25 minutes.

That's what we're just talking about. When you were juicing, you were getting away with Merr. Like I said, if you could swallow a black cum, you could juice. You know what I'm saying? You could just put up with a bad taste. And then it realizes after six weeks, it's a bad taste. It's not that bad. No, I know.

That's why you're still fucking doing it. No, no, no, not the juicing. Not the juicing. What? It says that a crispy cream is like 200. Yeah, for one. Like a normal human being. You could eat one fucking donut.

No, a normal human bean eats like the entire box and then goes back for a second box. Because those things are like melting your mouth. It's disgusting. You eat one fucking donut. You drink some water. No one donut. Well, even if you eat two, that's 400. How many fucking donuts can you eat?

I can eat it in a box. You couldn't eat a box? No. Yes, you could. What? No, I can't. A little high you couldn't eat it? No, I got to, whatever, I control myself.

Two fucking donuts. My chocolate coconut ones, that's my favorite fucking shit of all time, chocolate coconut. It used to be apple and spice from Dunkin' Donuts in the old day. Oh, yeah. The apple and spice ones, the apple and spice, they don't even make them no more, those fucking terrorists. Dunkin' Donuts suck, now. It's coming out here in Santa Monica. They suck now.

The coffee's still fucking boiling up. Listen, most of these people, to them, it's an investment. They don't even know what Duncan Duncan Duncan's. like donut was 20 fucking years ago. Yeah. So they don't know. It's like the Dairy Queen in North Glen. Go up there.

It's run by some fucking foreigners. They don't know what fucking Dairy Queen is. They looked at the investment chart, and they sold them a fucking Dairy Queen. They don't know what it tastes are like. They don't know you put the loop in the fucking top. They focus on food now in Derry Queen. And I was growing up fucking ice cream.

So it was all braziers. They don't focus on the fucking good stuff. So fuck that. I got no time with that shit. Vicki Pezzell, what's Gregor-O-Lacket? No, nothing. Good to have you here tonight. Thank you.

I love girls on here on Wednesday. and something about women on Wednesdays. We fuck it up in this motherfucker. Remember Dennis the Menace was the mascot for Dairy Queen? For Dairy Queen. That's what I'm thinking of right now. That's right. Nine.

Vicier, the fucking, uh, so kind edible. Oh, yeah. I had a whole one. My man Lisa had had a half of one. It's a little bit over. Yeah, give me my credit words. It's fucking norcos. They all not working.

The edibles I'm eating are stronger than the fucking pills I got from the pharmacy. Really? Yeah. Serious business. Serious business. Well, I mean, look, you could. Well, you called me this morning and I actually missed the call because I woke up for a second at 7 a.m. But I went to bed at like one and I slept basically until 10 a.m.

Just off of a little corner of a gummy. That thing going. Yeah. I smoked pot. When I first started smoking pot, it wasn't smoking pot to be cool. With smoking pot because I realized it killed my insomnia is a young man. And then I knew that for years. It killed my insomnia.

After that, when I got locked up and I did what out of it, I realized how much I needed it. But then I got used to it over the years But until I get really fucking stoned I can't fall asleep Then the edible came in And that's a sleeping pill Without the after effect in the morning Yeah

Right Yeah I can't deal with the after effect From a sleeping pill or a valium Even though my wife has one and a halves At the house Perfect Those little Valium

Those darsapans One and a half Whatever the fuck they are 1.5 You pop one of those You fall asleep And you stay asleep Like I popped one last night

I popped four of those Norcoes and one of those fucking valiums and two of those edibles, I was gone Nike. Is that the easiest fucking surgery? Well, yeah. So... How beautiful was the building? See the signer. They built a whole new Jewish Center. They don't fuck around. Those Jews don't fuck around to see the sign.

That's why I love them. That's my favorite hospital. Went in there, checked in. I was in... Did he drop me off at 515? Exactly. I went up. They said, sign your name. They said, come on in, do the paper. I gave him $2.50. They said, go back out there. Somebody would come get you in 10 minutes. Within 8 minutes. Some fucking

Chinese guy came, what's up? Kim Liu, whatever is in there from Whittian. We walked to the back. He told me do this, get on the scale. Blah, blah, bah. A chick came in, gave me pajamas. Some guy came in, popped an IV in my arm. I fucking thought I was going to faint for like a second.

I didn't even feel it after that. After that, the doctor came in. He goes, it was 10 to 7. He goes, I'll be pulling you back then. 10, 20, not even 15 minutes. They came at like 7 o'clock, put me back there. They put me on the table. I could see already if they were shooting something into the bag that was making me a little high. Okay.

And I was talking to the guy about a movie. We started talking about being there with Peter Sellers. Oh, my God. You ever see that movie? Yeah. I never seen anything like that in the last 15 years. It just blew me and the guy started talking about it. Next thing I was getting hit in the leg.

Dr. Nicola was working me up going, yo, you're done. I went in there. I put the meniscus together. I shaved the arthritis. You had a tendon that was loose And I put your blood back in there To heal faster I'll see you in my office on Thursday

I went to recovery No Filipinos only one Filipino in recovery Which usually you go to recovery room in America It's like fucking Chinatown down there They got goats running around It's fucking amazing And then they gave me a turkey sandwich With an apple juice

Did they make it the way you like a little salt A little pepper little mayonnaise? They asked me what you want I said mayonnaise and salt and pepper. They opened a little Filipino du John. In fact, he called today to ask me how I was. It was tremendous. I was home by 10.30 in the morning,

orthoscopic surgery, knee surgery. That's crazy. And do you know what it was like 10 years ago? Like, they tell you like 10 years ago, I don't think they had to open you up and go in there and look and then find it and surge it and then it would be like an hour or two. Wow.

This is with a light or something? I'm not sure. Oh, is it like the little holes that they do like the fat stomach surgery? Yeah, I got two others on my knee. That's it. I got a whole one. You can still see the magic market where he,

don't worry, I watched my pussy. I just had to put a baggie around. You can still see the ink on my leg from where he put the fucking thing or where the drill. And are you in pain or what is it? No, I'm a little, I knew I can't walk. Like, I got up this morning and I was a little gung-ho. I go, it doesn't feel too bad because usually the next day, it's like if I cut you today, you're not going to, tomorrow morning,

you're going to feel that cut. It tightens up and it gets a little sore. Because last time you had this, like you had your foot up for like weeks. I remember you have a nice pack on your knee and just... Were you around then? Yeah. Yeah, and you're right knee, right? Left knee.

Left knee? Okay. No, I heard it. I heard it that April. I jumped into it too quick. Okay. This is what I was getting to. This is a very deceiving injury because this morning I got up.

My wife came and she goes, there's no parking spot. I go, I'll take the car for 10 minutes. By the time you're finished, I'll give you the car. I walk down the stairs. I went to the weed store. I parked right in the front of the weed store. I mean, it was nothing. Right in the front, it was 10 o'clock.

I walked in, and I got what I had to. On the walkout, I stepped room, and I realized, this is it. This is how you hurt yourself. When you think you could do something, and you really can't. Yeah. I turned the car around and went home,

and I didn't leave the rest of the day. I went on my balcony. I put ice on it every other hour, every hour. I bent it, and I laid down. I took a nap. That's actually crazy that you said that, because sometimes you'll say stuff, and then I'll just see it happen

later. Like when I started working out, he said, don't run because your knees can't handle it. And I went to the gym yesterday and this guy was big. He wasn't huge, but he was big. And he had this look on his face like he was just like in horrible pain. And he was like trying to run on the treadmill

but he just couldn't. And I wanted to say like listen, just do this. But like I didn't feel like it was my place. But like, like I guess when you don't know what you're doing, he just looked like he was in horrible pain. It cost $40 to find out what the fuck to do or to go. online. Kettlebells. You cannot walk into a park by a 35 pound kettlebells and do swings.

You're going to hurt yourself. YouTube has adequate information, but not the little details that'll make a difference how you have to kick your hips. They don't tell you that and whatever. They just show you some guy going like this having a good fucking time until you pop your knee or your Achilles tendon or whatever the fuck, you're back and you're not having a good time. Anytime I'm going to do something, it costs you $20 to get the right instruction. Whether it's a bench press, whether it's whatever. People will go out of their way. You go to the YMCA cost you $40 to get a personal trainer.

$40. That means you don't go out drinking when they're fucking night. You're not going to do it right. They're correct way. Then you read up. And then you experiment on your own. But at least you have the proper technique. And you'll see what works for you and what doesn't work for you.

Unless you try it, you don't know how you respond to that particular thing. You might be losing two pounds a week on the treadmill, but you might lose four on the swim and only have to swim four times a week. You don't know until you jump in a pool. That's another year from now for you to jump in a pool. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. This is all a little fucking steps here with Lee.

He's been going to the treadmill doing the same thing for eight fucking weeks. Your head's going to blow up pretty soon. Well, that's why I joined that. Yeah. I joined that kettlebell. Now you got to go there. You got to go over there. You got to go over there and say hello.

What good is joining? You know, I joined an art school in Michigan. I haven't gone in fucking weeks. Oh, my gosh. So now you have to, you know. What's up with you, Vicki Pess? You work out? You work out?

You work out? Like you guys are talking about this app that counts calories And I'm like, oh yeah, I guess I should like pay attention to that Like I really So you're just one of the lucky people that just is automatically fined? I guess because I eat a lot of junk But like I'm thinking like today I'm like I didn't even think I ate anything today

Oh, that never happened to me But on the way home I'll probably get fast food And then at some point I'll go to 7-11 And get a cinnamon bun ice cream So it's like I like I just eat a bunch of crap But like I'll also go hours without And you know how you're saying Like when you don't smoke pot, like you can't sleep,

I've like stopped smoking pot for like a week and I don't want to eat. I have no appetite. I have no appetite and I can't sleep. Like I need this. Sometimes when I don't smoke, I don't have to, when I don't eat edibles, I can tell what edibles do to you. Edibles make you hungry late night.

Yeah. It kills me when I... Fucking late night. And then you try. You're like, you know what? I'll eat four apples. And even after the four apples, you're like, fuck it.

If I have four apples, and I'm still hungry, then I go for it. And so be it. Four apples? I ate three apples last, and I love apples. Jesus. So do I, but three of them? It's better than fucking eat.

If you're still hungry after two apples, then I got to give it to you. Apples expand in your stomach. Oh, I know. I know. It's just like I would never, like if I was eating a diet, how many fucking apples have you eaten? A few.

No, I have. No, I have. Every time I go to the grocery store, I get a bag of apples and the thing of banana. And I'll have it in the morning because I'm not a huge breakfast person. But it's just... It starts your metabolism. No, but if I was...

When I have the munchies, like, Vicki, when you go home tonight, if I was going to stop at a drive-through, I would get like three bags if I had the munchies. Tell them what you got. Tell them what you got. On the munchies? It was amazing. We go to McDonald's after this. Okay.

Well, this isn't an normal order. So he used to give me at six in the morning one of these edibles. So I would go home and I would... I'd go to Jeff. jack in the box because it's open 24 hours. I get like the double cheeseburger and like two orders of tacos and something else. And it's just, it was terrible, but it just went on the, on the freaking munchies. It all tastes amazing and it's like a never-ending pit.

I don't know. I don't know how you eat apples on it. I try to eat apples. Ever since I left Jersey, my big thing in 83 was from the time you start going out, like when I was, when I was kid it was Nick's pizza you always went to Nick's pizza on the way home you started at Knicks on the way home you got two slices in there and maybe a meatball sub you split a meatball sub for how great a meatball subs oh my god when you're high all right and then as you get older you have your choice in Jersey right and I never the crew I ran

with did not ever think like we had a Wendy's down the corner a friend a girl that we hung out in high school used to work at Burger King and on Saturdays that was a thing. If you went to see it, she'd give you a tray upon trays of those chicken sandwiches. And that was the only real experience I ever had with fast food. But then we started drinking. And we went to, in Jersey, you have what are called diners. And they're open 24 hours and they're run by Greek people. Okay? Jews don't do that. Greeks are the only ones to have the balls and the resiliency. And they have the pride to make you this food that is fucking sensational. Amazing.

And keep the prices cheap. Did they always give you something free to? This Greek guy owned a Sudbury Pizza place. Every time you went in there, it was a bag of chips. It was Baklava. My friend. Yeah. Baclavar.

I'd rather move it and lose a dollar. They just have a smart business set. Yeah. But there was this one diner in particular. It was on Bergaminer Avenue on the border of hell and more hell. It was called the Berkshire diner. And every time you walked into the Berkshire after 3 a.m., you were going to get entertained.

But their specialty was the open steak sandwich on toast with steak fries. Lee, I can't describe it to you. Two pieces of white bread with thin, sliced steak, huge, covered with mushrooms and onions. Oh, my God. And then steak fries. But before that, the preemptive was the cream of turkey soup on Wednesday night. Wednesday night, as soon as I picked you up at 8 o'clock, everybody had a smile on their face because they knew. Cream of turkey?

Cream of turkey with little pieces of turkey. with crackers in it to hold you over to the steak came. Lee, you have no fucking idea. You have no fucking idea what life is about.

This I'm telling you. And sometimes the steak came with a hair in it from the waitress or the cook. You just shunned it off. It didn't matter. It was just flavor.

Nobody complained. You would never dream. No, you would never dream of my steak. Click it and keep eating that. It was $4. It would know. It was $7.9.

I mean, it was pricey. This was the real deal. We always All winter. Every fucking, we hit the Birkshire. We used to hit Route 22. There's diner on Route 22. Vicki's wearing a diner.

That's what we lived for. On the east coast, you live for diners. But then I moved to a place called Aspen, Colorado. Nothing stays open past two. Never mind the fucking restaurant. Same here. So you have to go get Ascomiah, Coke, and shit like that.

And that's when you decide what's important. What are you going to do with your calories? You're going to waste them on a fucking chicken sandwich from McDonald's, or are you going to go to Hernandez and get a Cuban sandwich with some black beans? and rice because in Jersey we go to a Cuban join at 3 o'clock and get black beans and rice and some soup. That itself

is a sleeping pill. Yeah. When you get that type of meal, you sleep hard when you wake up. You got drool on your face. You got drool on your face. Your fingers smell like fucking pork chops and shit. I've been craving those plantains for a little bit now. Oh my God, tremendous.

And so every... Now, another part of your diet is that one day, even weight watches gives you the next 35 points. That's why you have those 35. points. So you can indulge in the white rice with the black beans and the pork chunks. I try. Sometimes it will like this Sunday

Paul and I are going to this Asian place but like it's just What kind of Asian by? I don't know it's this place in Santa Monica she found. But it just for me like There's no Asian places up here and they gotta be 50 fucking men off the way. What's wrong with this fucking brood? Do you understand?

It's a good. So I got to go down the 405 pick you up. Then you got the balls to want to go to fucking Santa Monica. What the fuck did she do? Last week it was crepe class in Santa Monica. It was fun. You got 20 fucking colleges up here,

but a crepe class at 6 o'clock in Santa Monica. It was a lot of fun. How many crapes have you cooked since then? None. Okay, then. Fuck you and your fucking crepe class. You ate the grapes and cheese.

You thought they were good? No, one was good. The ham and cheese, the other shit you give you who bots and fucking broccoli and shit like that. I give you a bunch of ham cheese. Tell a fine Chinese restaurants to the close. What's this Asian thing? I don't know.

What fucking... It's a good, like, Asian. Asian fusion place, but you won't like it because there's too many flags in the kitchen. I wonder about you some time. What about the fucking place in Studio City? That's Asian fusion. Chinese. We went on Yelp.

We found the place. Yelp. Look at these fucking youngsters. Yelp. Crape class. I'm hung up on that. It was fun. It was a lot of fun. They teach you to make crepes, like different varieties. She's Mexican. She wasn't wanting to make craze. They got the strongest thing in the world, the fucking burrito. And she wants to step out and make.

Like, fucking crepes. It was great. It was a lot of fun. It was a couple's crepe class, and they taught us how to make the batter. They taught us how to make the batter. We made a mushroom one. And how you make the batter? You suck it out of me.

That's the batter right there. And then we made a hay with cheese, and then they made their own Nutella, and it was delicious. You got to stop this shit. There's French filet mignon, right there on Ventura at the Chinese restaurant. That's fusion. The Chinese restaurant with French malay mignon. You got a cellar on that. Santa Monica, that's 80 walking into the fucking door.

Over here is 1595, two egg rolls Everybody goes home and sucky-sucky Mexican style And they go home and take care of the fucking dog That's still gonna happen, but I don't know All the way to Santa Monica On the way to drop her off, yeah

Un-fucking believable On the way to drop her off You're taking her to Santa Monica Yeah So then you're gonna eat and go home Without fucking and sucking Probably, well you're gonna go home And suck and suck and then take it to eat

No, well yeah On the way, yeah She's coming on Friday We'll do plenty of the sucking And then after you sucky fuck Then you go You nourish her up. Yeah.

Okay, that's the right way. That's okay. That sounds like a good negotiation. I thought you're going to have to go down to Compton, then take you to Santa Monica, then from Santa Monica, back to the valley. Then back to the, you know, that you just call you fucking Uber. What the fuck?

You ain't got time for this shit. At least I need you fresh. I know. Oh, my goodness. I'm already feeling a little high. I know you're fucked up. That's what I'm fucking with you. You see what I got to deal with?

Oh, man. A little Jew. I love him. I love him like a little brother, but he's got to stop this shit. Every Friday she comes up with a new invention, and he's like, okay. I like a toughen you up. I like a toughen you. What?

I enjoyed crepe class. This is what I deal with. You understand? He likes crime class. Here's something like that I think is kind of lame, but like I kind of wanted to do, like in a couple's way, like your crepe class per se. Didn't you ever stabbing after crepe class? Of course. You did?

Don't lie to me. Yeah. Did you take another Zoom but yet? Not yet. She hasn't been, she hasn't stayed over for a while. She hasn't stayed over for a while. I went to Zumba class. They have some during the week.

I don't know if they have them on weekends. I'll have to check. Friday at 6. Okay. I didn't know. I don't want to fucking say, I'm on. I can take a living here.

You take them to Zumba class. You're sweaty her up. You take home that monkey is nice and Zumbaa out. It's got that little Mexican yam to it. You sniff that motherfucker. That's all over. That's your Chinese food. She has to listen.

You have to listen. You have to tell her these things. You have to explain to her. Why? What happened? Listen, there's a Zumba class. I want you to go and zoomber your fucking heart out. And then we're going to come home

and I don't want you to even water. I'm going to eat that fucking Zuba. Well, this Saturday, they were going to jump up and down with the Israelis that you like so much. All right after that. You're going to take some exosy? I'm not going to take ecstasy now.

I'm going to give her a half of it. Get it going. You're hugger. Because I'm never taking an exorcism. I might have a little bit of an edible. Why don't you take a little ecstasy? Just split the white lightning I got. Take one of my hands, please.

Because I don't need to be on ecstasy. I don't have enough problems. You're going to go jump up and down with the Israelis. You want to prove yourself. What were you going to say about the couples Oh, the lame couples thing? Okay, so my husband and I went to like a chili cookoff And I was thinking like, because Tom's River used to always have one

So we, you know, we found one and we're like, oh, we should go for fun And like, fucking nobody was there. It was in Santa Paula. It was like so dead. There's only like nine chilies. Got gluten in it. So I'm like, yeah, right. Oh, God forbid somebody eat something good.

So I'm like, yeah, what if? What if over the course of the year, we come up with a chili and we enter this fucking chili cook off, which is totally out of character for us to do, and we never cook. And we don't know how to, I don't have a chili recipe, but it was just like, I'm hanging out there, and I'm like, there's only nine people here. We can make a chili.

Maybe we could win. Maybe I could have an awesome tent set up. So is that better or worse than crape class? That's better than crepe class. Okay. Why? You're never going to eat a fucking table. crepe again.

Everybody's fucking chili. Everybody's fucking chili. Chili, I can see. Next time, find a chili class in Sherman Oaks. That's going to be popular. Two hours down there to fucking do a crapefuss. That's a real popular couple's class. Get the guys, get everyone farting.

I go to fucking couples class. I go to yoga. That's how I got. Yeah, but you don't need chili? You don't need chili before? No. No, no. But that's what you do after when you eat some fucking.

What if, what if situates that pussy and little farts of chili come out of ass like that's terrible no you inhale that motherfucker like a soldier you don't say it you just farted a bean in my face you fucking tell it smelled tremendous honey what nothing chilly crazy let's get let's get your wife on the phone fuck leave my wife out she's putting that other tarzan to sleep i got tarzan for a fucking daughter today she jumped on my leg 18 fucking oh no all she needed was to yell it's a good it's a good night i feel i feel good the edibles are popping any minute out whee's head's going to start to get red and oh yeah oh yeah

I'm just so excited your knees good Because when I saw you call me this morning I was like I don't know why it made me nervous I was like hello And when you're like do you want to come down tonight I'm like didn't you literally just have surgery Like didn't that just happen

So I think it's a great night No this is what happened I'm gonna be as honest I can with you Nobody likes to have surgery It's an uncomfortable situation But it's more uncomfortable in your mind Yeah When I took the fat ball out of my neck

in 2007 that was the worst surgery in the world, but it really wasn't. I was in and out of there. The problem was, well, I had created it in my head before I went into that surgery. I've never been involved in things like this guys. Most people get stitches when they're a kid or something happens. Knock on wood, I never had a reason to go to surgery. The knee surgery, the first one, I was a little scared.

I asked around, again, it was painless at the end of the day. I didn't faint. This one, I went in with such an easy attitude. We were giggling on the way down. Yeah. So I went in there with an easy attitude. We did a podcast Monday night. I didn't think about it.

Right. When you think about it, you sit there and dwell on something. So three or four days leading up to it, I wouldn't think about it. You ever break up with somebody? You get your feelings hurt. Yeah. And you love that person. You go to a bar and you find yourself having a good time.

But throughout the weeks, you're like, my God, I didn't think about it for four hours. Oh, my God, I didn't think about it for six hours. It's the same thing with surgery, you know, or anything. You have to go to court. You have to go to the cancer thing. It's what you make it in your head before you get down there. And I really, thanks to Lee, you know, we did the podcast month. I was unconscious.

Why don't we stay here until 10.30? Yeah. And we left here fucked up. You know, so thanks to Lee to take my mind off. He showed up at 4 o'clock when I first called him in the morning to wake him up. He goes, I'm still fucking high on that edible. So he made me laugh. He doesn't understand what he did so.

Right. I was to hire. When I got home at 6 in the morning, I made a turst of him. sandwich because I was still fucked up. I was like, I'm high as shit. So that's what it really is. It's what you make of it in your mind, how you go into it. And even when my wife got there, she goes, Joe, I got to tell you something, what happened? And I go, she goes, you're not even stressed.

And I go, what can I do? There's nothing I can do. There's nothing you can do. It's like when you take a flight, I see people all the time at the airlines having a bad time before they get on the plane. I can't believe this is happening. taking out of them sit back it's five hours

the pilot fucking pilot can't get there any faster bring a book bring a computer bring an iPod bring everything

that takes you away for 40 minutes you know what to expect at this point you know you really do you do a movie the first time you do a movie Lee you will hate yourself

the first time Scorsesie caution says Lisa I got I got three days on a movie for you come in tomorrow at 7 and at 3 o'clock nobody's talked to you Nobody's even, they come in to go, Lee, lunch.

And you go eat lunch, and now you're like, and you ask me, what am I going to shoot? I don't know, you're last up. And you're sitting there asking yourself, why did I do this? Why did they do this to me? They could have just called me in at one. You don't want that feeling? Bring a book, an iPod, a computer, movies.

All those trailers have DVDs. I used to bring movies, weed. And, you know what? They're paying you to sit there. I've been on sets with actors, comedians especially. I got a plane to chat. Nobody cares, bro. You should have taken this gig.

There's 200 other people that are doing their job, and that's how long it's going to take. And that's how long it takes. So the easier, when I first got basketball, oh, my God. That was the first thing I ever booked in this time. Oh, wow. And I had one line, and they gave me 14 days or something. It was something ridiculous, two or three weeks at $5,500 a week. And I would go there and tap my fingers with nothing, no book, no nothing.

just me with my sneakers and clothes on. And I didn't even think I had a cell phone. I had a pageer. And I would just sit in this room and go, and then Jenny McCarthy came on, and she would work out. And I would wait until she'd work out so hard that the pussy sweat would come out

in those black pants. And once that fucking whack came out of her monkey, I'd run into that trail and whack off and look out the window like Mike Dumone and Fast Times and Ridgemont High. And that was it. That was when I was upset, and that's what it was. Then the more shit I did,

I met people who wouldn't even stress And I go, why aren't you stress? And I'm reading the book. I'm writing the script. Yeah. So it's what you go into this shit with. What kind of mind you go into this? How many times if I leave my body?

I'll call in and say, I don't want to do this. There's blows. And I'll call in. I'm going to go, it was pretty painless. It was great. I went in with a bad attitude, but you came out with a good attitude. What are you going to do? I don't know.

Eat another edible, yeah? No. You want to celebrate my knee surgery? I'm celebrating right now. You want to eat an animal with tranquilizer? No. Oh, my God. What kind of animal?

Like a bear? I think it's a bear. A little baby bear. So you'll only be hired for like 12 hours. Oh, good. Only 12 hours. You'll be hired to tomorrow night. Tomorrow.

Lee, it's a baby bear. It's a baby bear. Why do they need to tranquilize a baby bear? Maybe he wants to jump out of the window and steal your honey. I don't fucking know. Maybe he wants to go to Santa Monica and he fusion Chinese food. I have no fucking idea. You know what I can't tell you anything.

You kill me. You kill me with this shit. She wants to go down there. the Captain Kirk at this enterprise. Lisa, I'm not. Yes, you are. You have to tell you, I'm the Captain Kirk. I'm not getting in my car at 6 o'clock and driving against the fucking flow here.

So we can hang out with Chinese people. We could do that in Sherman Oaks. Right or wrong. Am I lying here? I got to get in my fucking car at 6 o'clock and drive against the thing to go hang out with Puerto Rican Chinese people. Some of them have Scott's tape. Chinos, yeah.

Chinos. I envy, though, that feeling of like... He loves the drug. Yeah, like, you're like, what's the thing? a big deal. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. What time is your reservation?

What time are you going down? We're going to go there Sunday night. Oh, Sunday night. Oh, I'm not going to go down there Friday. That's what you were saying. No, I'm not an idiot. Okay. That deducts like an hour off of the... Oh, God, I used to do it.

What are you doing on Friday night? She's coming up here after school, and then we'll just hang out. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, oh, no, no. And then take it to the green onion. Okay. Give me the fucking French. You love that filet mignon.

That's all I eat. That's all they got. Chinese food that sucks. It's supposed to be New York style Chinese food. And everything you get, they don't have the peas and a stripping lobster sauce. They have garlic, pork fried rice, which isn't bad. They really try that. The egg roll

is not, it's a four. It's not a New York egg row, but it's not a four if you're the name of a New York egg. It's thick and it always blows up. Chans don't blow up. Chans Eggro don't fucking blow up. Oh, they're already hitting me for when you're going to Gotham. This guy wrote to me, he's like,

we're going to Chans before. I hope you're coming. This is funny. George called me. He's like, listen, man, I really got to tell you. This is a Cuban place in Jersey City, my attorney owns, and she really wants to throw a party. If I could, George, stop her right now. They want to go to Chance, John. We must be fucking Cuban food.

They want to get a Chance Dragon. If I don't go to Chance Dragon, it's not the same. Because Chance Dragon ain't going to do shit for us. They don't care whether it be going on. George is like, I try to talk to the guy, and the guy that go Chance. They've been there for 30 years. They can tell us what the fuck you do. We're going to Chance Dragon and this shit.

You know what I'm saying? I'm doing the... Gotham show on Thursday night, the real Gotham thing. I don't know what that is. It's like a, I don't know, ATVX, a show. Oh, a TV show. Oh, yeah, Ms. Pat was on that.

Oh, nice. So, and that's it, really? It's just a fast fucking trip. 1145 shows. Can't wait. Oh, man. So do you like it out of here, Vicki? Yeah, I kind of do.

How long have you been out of here, Vick? In October, it'll be seven years. So it feels like forever, you know? One day you were in Jersey. instead of getting that movement to LA. Yeah, it was within 10 months of deciding, I was like, all right, by the end of it, because like I lived with my husband,

but he was, you know, my boyfriend at the time or my fiance. So it's like, all right, instead of having a wedding, me and you will just go to Jamaica, we'll get married, we'll save all our money, and money, instead of spending it on a wedding, we moved to Los Angeles. And that's what we did within 10 months.

I was like bartending, maybe selling pot, allegedly. but whatever by any means necessary we got here you know what I mean and so many people don't do that I have so many friends who said in two years I'm moving to California yeah two years what just do it now oh my God it's amazing when people tell me that drives me fucking the conversation ends in 2017 I'm moving the conversation ends for me with somebody that says I'm going to move to LA in three years what's going to be different in three years right and I want to get into the conversation with them but right away I'll get in flammative so I just don't leave it alone. I've always hated that. I'm going to get married in June of 2017.

I don't see it, guy. I don't fucking see it. It just doesn't make sense. Right. Just do it, do it. We're very impulsive too. I went to do something one day, and I just had these weird feelings. You ever have weird feelings when you were somebody for a while?

You kind of know what they're thinking, the mood she was in. One day I went and talked to somebody, and I went to talk to somebody, and I talked with a friend of my friend of my. man. He was like, you should really marry Terry. And I got in my car, started it, and I drove from wherever he lives, Los Felice. On the five, I decided. I'm going to marry Terry. This had to be the first week of September. And I called her up at work and I said, you know what? We've been to get in nine years. It's the time we got married. And she was like, what do you think? And I said, I don't know, maybe Thanksgiving. And we were going to get married in Tennessee, but they wanted

a blood test. I don't love you that much. I don't love you that much. Over the blood test? Fuck you. Fuck you. A blood test ain't got nothing to do with marriage or love. Jesus wouldn't give you a blood test. You know what? We didn't get one.

Yeah, so we ended up getting married here. I mean, I proposed to her on the phone in September, and we got married the day before Thanksgiving. Two months later. So a Wednesday? On a Wednesday, so everybody could go. Why get married on a Saturday? Every fucking moron does that.

Yeah. Every fucking moron does that. And they can't go. Comics can't go on weddings on Saturday. We want to do something completely different, man. I don't understand people who do things, and I've got to stop what the fuck I'm doing for that. Oh, yeah. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like that shit at all. You know, you live here. We grow up here. We eat dinner here. And also, I got an invitation that you're getting married in Boston. Why? Right, right.

Because your mother, I don't get a fuck about your mother. Well, then I'll go, but it's your plane ticket. Right. You're a bike for the plane ticket. I don't know what you're talking about. No, when you're... Your situation is different. Your friend lives in Boston.

Well, he lives in Boston. Right. And he's my best friend from high school, and I love him, and I would do it. I'm going to do it. But he doesn't listen to it. It won't matter. He lives in Boston. The girlfriend lives in Boston.

Both families live in Boston. Okay. They decided to get married in Vermont on a Sunday. What? Okay. So now, now, and it's like a three or four hour drive from Boston. So now I'm taking a connection to Vermont, and it's on a Sunday. So now I have to take the 6 a.m. flight back on a Monday.

And I'm like, oh. And it's just, I can't even, I don't know if it gets married on Sundays. I don't like people who make plans to make me uncomfortable. You know, my brother just called my friend. My brother called me. I'll be out there next year in Orange County for my stepbrother's wedding. I go, why would you do that? I put 200 in that fucking envelope.

You know, this guy is a piece of shit for starters. Number two, you don't have the money. Yeah. You don't have the, that's $2. to go down there. Yeah. For a hotel. For what?

For this fucking schmuck? You put 200. You don't lose face. You never lose face. You put a deuce in an envelope. Listen, I got, I'm on, I didn't want to do that to people. I live in L.A.

I didn't want to get married in Tennessee. People like getting married in Tennessee. She knew it would be a boarding fest in Tennessee. Our friends wouldn't be there. We got married at the church on Wilshire, and then we had the party at the Hollywood Bowl. They have a little house in the Hollywood Bowl. Oh, wow.

And the breadband and all those guys came, and we stood outside and smoked pot. And my wife made a wedding cake, and we got food from El Coconito, we got pastrami from langers. We don't fuck around, but we got Cuban food from appetizers. And that was it. And that was it. Nobody got that feeling said. Nobody had to leave town.

Right. You know, I've gotten invitations living in L.A. to marriages in Mexico on New Year's Day. I remember calling her and going, is this a joke? No, it's our dream. Listen, do me a favor. Go fuck yourself. And three people wouldn't go. her weddings, this girl never spoke to me again.

Really? We were dear friends. And I told him, I go, listen, dog, we do coke in her compadre, and we drink in Elcompatre. Now all of a sudden, you're getting married New Year's Day in Mexico. That's the day people are the most broke. Yeah. That's the day people are the most broke, but you're that special.

You're that special. You're pussy and your fake tits. Corset. You know, unless you're sucking my dick after you fucking suck your husband's dick, I'm not going to your fucking wedding in Mexico on the first. I don't care how special. you think you are. You get fucking married. We all break break. It's rude.

It's rude. You're making me. All right. I'll go to Jamaica League, but you're paying for the plane ticket in the hotel. I'll put a nickel in the envelope, and I'll pay for my talks and the meals and the whole thing. I had another wedding invite about a year ago that you had to go to Jamaica for a week with these people. Yeah, that's fucking insane. That's fucking insane. The whole idea of going, like, for us at least, was like, so nobody would go. It wasn't even on the table. No invitation.

I love it. It's just like, our parents just don't have money like that. You know what I mean? Fuck it. No, why are you stressing people? I'm going to take a loan to get married. So the wedding is, let me tell you something. If I go to your wedding in Mexico and you break up, I'm going to sue you. I'm going to sue you for the fucking plane ticket. I'm suing you for the fucking cost of the hotel.

Yeah. I'm suing you. So before you get me involved like that, don't invite me to your piece of shit. Don't make us all go to your honeymoon. Fucking idiots. That the fuck. I got that invitation. Two invitations actually call the people up.

And I asked them, who the fuck do they think? And the one guy was like, bro, my wife, I don't get a fuck about your wife. This is the shit you have to say. Yeah. This is the shit. You say like, time out, dog. I got bad news for you. I run here.

I run here. My business, I break bread right here. This neighbor. This is it. This is it. Or, yeah, it's it. We ain't going here. We ain't going there.

And they'll look at you and they'll be depressed for three days. They'll get over. But unless, okay, we'll get married where you want to, but my friends, you're going to have to flip the painter. What are you talking about? I've been to weddings, I don't give a fuck. I can't do that to my friends. I would never, ever do that to my friend.

Like, guess what? I'm getting married in Houston, Texas at the pavilion. And there's some asshole couples. We'll make a plan of it, a day of it. Fuck you. Don't support that shit. Don't encourage that shit. Tell them to go fuck themselves.

You know, you snort Coke here in L.A., this is what you fucking get married. Yeah, fucking married somewhere else, because, oh, we want to see the rocks. There was a lady I used to know here in town a real fucking cunt, the publicist. And I looked at a wedding pictures, and she made everybody go to Hawaii and dressing white.

And they put a little circle on the floor and burnt it like fake fucking people that they are, because only fakes do that. When you have to celebrate your love and hold people and take pictures and let people know how much you love them, there's nothing there. You're faking the funk. You don't have to yell at people. Oh, this

my love, and profess your love and write a poem at your wedding. Stop it. You didn't write your own mouse? No. Making everyone uncomfortable. No, for 2,000 years, people get mad. I got to write my own fucking mind to write my own spouse.

Your lover? Yeah, you're going to take care of when shit gets deep. Yeah. Okay, that's it. How about you? No, because it's miraculous. They write a bunch of words and 22 amazings. I would love for you to officiate a wedding.

You'd be out of there in six minutes. Six minutes. Wasting these people's time. Wasting these people's time in July. These motherfuckers that get married on a Saturday during college. football. You got some pair of fucking balls. You got some fucking pair of balls. They're here. They have an

envelope. Get them to the open bar. Get the fuck out of here. That's what's happening. Get them to... Oh, there better be an open bar. And then the other thing, it doesn't matter. So they're getting married in Vermont at a ski resort thing. Oh, you want that? Okay. It's like the hotel rooms they got are like 700 for the weekend. No, no.

Wait, send an envelope. No, I have to go now. No, no. Send an envelope. Tell them. it's over. Take the ticket and come to New York for me. Forget. Take the same ticket and come to New York. You're going to go to fucking some wedding with some schmuck on a Sunday, 700 a night for a hotel.

My mom is going too because we're family friends and we found a best question like half an hour away. Send your mom like Tom Hayden. Remember Tom Hayden and the good friends and Godfather they sent them to all the events. Oh yeah? Can you in the air? Yeah. Send your mom. Send your mom with an envelope.

No, I love them and I'm going to do it. But yeah, I know it's kind of cool like you with Terry and it sounds like you and your husband are cool but it's like and luckily Paul is cool like there's there's some girls who if you were proposed to over the phone probably would have said no like it's kind of it's kind of right on my head it's nine years

she's already sucked dick I've already eating pussy what's the drama what's the suspense why all the bullshit yeah but you didn't have pigeons what have you fucking done and fucking I got to get on my knee and call your fucking fat fucking father and waste of time fuck you

I did call her father and say, I'm marrying your daughter. I didn't ask him for his hand in marriage. I called him like a man and said, I love your daughter. I've been with it for seven years. I think it's time we get married, and you get it together. I'm Cuban. I'm slinging dick. You're not going to leave it.

I don't have fucking time for it. That's all bullshit, man. Well, are your parents still around, Vicki? Are your parents still around? Oh, yeah, yeah. Were they upset? Because if I eloped, my mom would murder me. No, I mean, well, you know.

It's not an elopement. It was a different way of getting married. Yeah, it was like this. It's like we met each other. It was so quick from how long we've been together. Oh, yeah, like irrationally so almost. Like we, our first date, you know, we had sex on our first date. Then a few months he was staying over my house all the time.

Then a few months later we moved in together. So we already were sharing a bank account. Then, you know, he proposed. We were doing the math. We went to a few places. We went to, you know, like when you go to like the quality in or a Ramada in, they have a ballroom. It's like, all right, what is it per person?

person, we did the math. We don't have the money. It's insane. If you want to have a wedding with like 100 people at a place like that, and then we're not really even religious, so it's like, do we go to a church? Right away, family members, too, being like, oh, you know, who's going to be in the wedding party? Who's going to be matched up with who? Right.

Don't seat us with these people. Talking about seating arrangements. Oh, I know. When I have a ring on my finger for maybe a week. Yeah, fuck you. It's just like, you know what? I think it was under $5,000. 10 days in Jamaica, all expenses paid, you know, alcohol, airfare, everything, the wedding included,

fucking cake. I'm going to have to get that number from you. Huge fucking cake and two people, sandals, Montico Bay. That sounds awesome. You asked Terry, I think Terry spent $2,000 on our wedding, including the rings and everything.

Perfect. She didn't believe in it either. She was like, I don't, we talked about it, what we wanted to deliver. Let me tell you a little story. I went to prison and I got on, and I was dating this girl. before I did my crime.

Her and I were on the splits. She was with me for six years, so she felt I'd been this long, let me stick it out with him in prison, which was very nice. She took care of my finance and I left money, and she paid my rent, and she paid my bills and all that shit. I got out, I was cleaning sober from the Coke. I fucked her outside one day, and I knocked her up.

My Catholic side proposed to her, I asked her dad. You know, she did all that shit. I'd say, listen, I'm in a halfway house and I work 80 hours a week. I'm just going to give you envelopes. You tell me what you need. But then it became, bling, Joe Diaz, line two.

You know, I got four customers. Hello. Listen, I'm at the store and the chair people need a color by tonight. Really? We're getting married, man. What's a color on a chair? Got to do with it. I don't want that conversation ever in my life.

I don't want that conversation. Hey, you can't put a conversation. hey, you can't put this guy at a table with this guy. I don't want that conversation. We get married. Right. Marriage in this country has become something else. It's become a Jones thing.

Absolutely. This is how we love each other. And all those weddings, they last guts. And my wife, at the time, was one of those people. We got married at a church. Your first wife. The first wife. And then we had a party at a hotel, a nice hotel.

I forget what it was. But here's the beauty of it. My guerrilla friends came from John. And I told my wife, we live in Boulder, and in those days, the biggest game of national football was Boulder against Nebraska. Okay. We got married that Saturday. Oh, no. My guerrilla buddies came.

First of all, the best man was too coked up. The priest came over and said, he's got rings around his nose. So Georgie had a stand in front. Okay? We went back to the hotel, and these guys were like, where's the bar in the bar? And they're like, we closed the bar for renovations. My friend's like, where's the TV with the gaming? They're like, there's no TV.

You ready for this one? My friends gave the fucking guy at the hotel $50 on an extension cord, and they rented a room, took the TV out of the room, put the extension cord, and put the TV at their table. Those are smart friends. Do you know what my wife, that poor girl, was she had never seen anything like that. her parents. These guys, and that's the difference, okay, and that's why you don't waste people's time on a

Saturday. Super Bowl Thursday. Your fucking love. Love don't give a fuck. People don't give a fuck about love when Colorado's playing the breast. Let me tell you something. She talked about it at the divorce. What? Are you serious? That's how much it bothered her that. But let me tell you what else I realized that night.

After all the bullshit and all the dancing and the cake, and this is a true story, and I'm telling you people on the podcast that we took I was in a halfway house, saw it, and I was part community corrections, which let me leave the state for 72 hours. So we left on a Saturday night after the wedding, and I had to be back Tuesday. So I knew I had time to snort. And that was part of why I went to San Francisco for the honeymoon. I also went to catch the Yankees against the Oakland A's when Konseko and McGuire played for Oakland. Okay? I went to see that game. And I had her also go see

the Giants against the Niners on Monday Night Football when Montana was making a come back. I plan this whole honeymoon for me to go watch sports because I didn't really give a fuck about a honeymoon. And I never forget that on the plane, I looked at her and I couldn't believe I'd gotten married guys. Like on the plane was where I looked at her and I go,

this was a waste of my fucking time. And I'm saying this to the podcast, people, to just let you know how life works. Like, in that airplane on the honeymoon was where I realized. I didn't love her. I had made a mistake. This was a fucking nightmare. We went back to the room. She was pregnant.

She was like I tied her up and lit her pussy on fire. We went back to the room and she was tired. She passed out. I took the rental car and found one of my old drug dealer friends and bought an eight ball at 12 o'clock at night and snorted the whole thing by seven. Oh, my God. Went back to the hotel room, laid next to her. She woke up and she did not know I was gone the whole night.

That was my honeymoon night, guys. That's why the wedding didn't fucking work or last. That's the truth. I never told that story. all that love and all that bullshit and all those plans and the color of it it didn't matter because there was no love. Do you think, like, let's say

you were going to have a wedding and Terry didn't want to, she wanted to have it at a big place, somewhat don't you think like maybe it's not the right person if you need someone big luck down? I mean, maybe a couple would like it, but... Like, there's things telling

about the wedding plans, you mean? Or just like... Like the shares should have been a red flag. Like, if they got, like, If they got mad that if your wife got mad that you didn't care about the chair color, then it's just not going to work out. Listen, man, anybody who's going to say yes to me knows I don't give a fuck about any of that shit. I never have and I never will.

We'll get married. Why are we going away from getting married? Why are we worried about this or the colors of the pigeons or the band? I don't want to worry about anything that shit. I want to worry about our day. It's our day. It's got nothing to do with nothing else. But people have turned it into this.

$20,000, $30,000 investment. It's out of control. You've got to tell these bitches, right out, when they talk about pigeons and shit, come here for a second. Didn't some guy fuck you in the ass for three years in college? What pigeons are you talking about? What pigeons are you talking about? You really saw fucking pigeons.

And if you're not honest with that, with people, it's not going to work out for you. Because you're going to always have to be, they're going to hit you with these extravagances all the time in their life. Like, you know what I wore? I wore a dress that I got at Macy's that I really liked. It was like purple with like polka dots on a long dress. I didn't even get a wedding dress.

Why spend $1,200? I know you got a white dress, but you were blown guys when you were a sophomore. Right. You got a white dress, but you were blown guys behind a football stadium when you were a sophomore in high school. That's crazy. How much do you guys spend on the rings? Because, I mean, I haven't you're supposed to spend like three months salary. Lee, I'm so glad you asked.

Okay. That's a nice ring. And these are nice rings, right? Fake. They're not real diamonds. That would be insane. This is my message. for women or anyone getting engaged.

If you want that ring, that's $20,000, $30,000, you have to understand you're marrying this person. That money's your money. Would you ever buy a fucking ring for $20 or $30,000? That's crazy. That's a good point in shared money. Because part of it, because I've been thinking, I'm nowhere near doing it.

It's only been a year. But it's just like you look at it online. I shouldn't have even done it, but I looked online just to see what the prices were. Because part of me is like I don't want to be embarrassed like getting the smallest one. It looks like you're going to have to spend like four or five thousand dollars for her ring and I'm like, and it just, it's scary.

And that's honestly why. I'm a huge kid person. I love little kids. I think they're really cute. But the older I get, I got read an article that it costs even before college, $250,000, just from zero to 18 to raise a kid. Yeah. And that's without private school.

That's without college. It's like, fuck. I can use a quarter of a million bucks. That's you're going to spend the McDonald's 20 years. Yeah, I think of that too. So don't look at that shit. That's all bullshit. When you consider your child, there's no value on your child.

If you're a real human being, when you think about your child, when you look at your child, you'll go without so your child has. Oh, I know that. So fuck all those articles. This is a fucking Gentiles. Who adds that shit up? This is what I spent on my son last year because you're a fucking cheap cunt. There's no price value on your kid for you to make your kid the best he can be.

You want more for your child. So don't buy those articles. Those articles are fucking the same people go, well, we're going to get married in 2015, and then I'm going to have children in 2018, really? We'll go fuck yourself. Children come when they come. That's the beauty of your child. The woman coming in going, honey, you knocked me up.

Not that, we're not going to fuck with a condom, and I can't come in you until 2018. Those are those people who figure out budgets. This is our budget. What fucking budget? What fucking budget are you talking about? Budget. Oh, this is our budget. You look at a girl's hand, you look at her, you have a nice woman.

Paul is a sweetheart and a half. You're going to get her a nice ring, but you're not going to get her a fucking $20,000 for a while. No, I can't imagine. When she becomes a big time of tiny, she'll buy herself in this fucking big ring. You buy a ring with her dough. Yeah, then. I mean, that's... Yeah, that's the problem we got, you know.

I don't know if you want to discuss it beforehand or not, or if you would just spring it on her, but... Well, she's told me what she likes, like with a style a little bit. But I don't know. I mean, it's just, because a lot of my friends are starting to get married, and it's scary. And it's just, I can't. Like, the girls put the pictures on Facebook now because they want to brag. Yeah. But, like, some of them are just like, you can't even see the, like, you can't even see the thing in it.

And I'm like, that's kind of embarrassing for the guy a little bit. But again, it really shouldn't be. It should be just about love. But now it's like how, how, it's all bragging. Listen, at the end of the week, it's your fucking field. Right, right. This life is your fucking field. This life is your field.

field. Why do it like everybody else? I hate the fucking Joneses. I hate that they exist for people who don't know. I loved when I was doing the longest yard. I went to do 80R one day. And everybody pulled up a Mercedes and Porsches and all these things and I pulled up

with a beat-up Carolla. You know? I was a bad motherfucker on that movie. I didn't need a Porsche or Mercedes. You follow me? But for some people, they need that to speak about themselves. It's the same thing with a ring. it's the same thing with all that shit if you train them now and you

explain them this is my love this is what I can afford this is what you're fucking getting they know it's a state of mind all that shit's a state of mind man all that shit's a state of mind for a wedding there's what we're doing I'm sorry go ahead oh no but well you can get you can get like a small

like real diamond or you could get like a big gaudy thing that's fake like for me like you know this wasn't disgust it wasn't like let's plan my engagement ring thing. This got sprung on me, you know, but this is exactly what I would have wanted. Let's say the guy was real slick

and giving you a Cuban zaconian. You would have never known anyway. Right, exactly. You've never known anyway. And three years from now, I'll go, let me take it to get cleaned. He gives it back and he goes, you know what? About a year ago, it's a Cuban zaconian. They must have replaced the ring and you got yourself out. You got three years to buy a real fucking ring. Be so fucking stupid

all you like. That totally happened. I swear. It's so funny. You get on me women that gave Cuban zaconians? It's Out of three in the morning that sucked my dick in Miami. Really? You used to give you a Cuban-Socony rings? I used to buy them. For 29 bucks of Kmart in Michigan, you buy two of them.

You have them in your luggage. Some chicks are giving you a hard time. You need a close-it. You pop with a little fucking fake Cuban-Zconi at three-in-a-water. That's hysterical. There's nothing that closes a deal like a fake fucking ring at three in the morning. They'll do something, though, show you a dick. Something.

Yeah. I think that's... I hated it. I knew as a 21-year-old that weddings were just bullshit. I fucking went to two or three of them young, And I was like, I'm never going to them again. That's why as soon as I became a comedian, whether I'm working or not, do not send me a wedding invite.

Do not, because I'm going to be working that weekend. I'm always working. When a comic comes up to me and says, and sings me a song and a dance about how bad he's doing, and I go to him, what are he doing this weekend? He goes, when I'm going to my sister's wedding, the conversation is now involved in my head. You're a comic.

You work weekends. On the weekends is what you do. You want to go to D.C. for your sister's wedding and do spots around the world. wedding and that's what we do but you can't cry if you're going to weddings on the weekend. You can't cry you know. How do you think that all started though

like like the pure pressure, not even from anyone in general like just like to go out to like a French restaurant on like Valentine's Day to do all this stuff that costs money like it and it just it like I feel the pressure and it's

it's now I'm in a cool relationship and she doesn't care but it's I wonder where that comes from Because it's... Some asshole. It just started... Some fucking jerk off. Yeah.

Some fucking jerk off. And then they set the bar and some girls told other girls and now that's what you're supposed to do. Yeah. Anybody knows if you go to a restaurant on Valentine's Day, it's a fucking night man. Oh my God.

And you've got people sitting next to your fake roses and shit. You don't go out. You take it out the night before Valentine's Day on Monday night. Yeah. Or whatever. It doesn't... All this shit to prove your love, I've never seen it.

My friendship and my love is proved to you on a daily basis. Yeah? I don't need a fucking. fucking specific day to tell you I love you or my wife understands me I'm a fucking animal I love you but that's what I mean I got to celebrate it and tell the world I once asked jay a friend of mine that's a producer in a movie he had done the last samurai married and uh with tom cruise wow yeah yeah he was dating penelope Cruz at the time and I said to him off color I said hey Jason do you think Tom Cruise is gay and he goes absolutely I go why and he goes because he made

a big deal about his girlfriend's show No guy does that. Right, right. Nobody makes a big deal. Oh my God, it's my wife, laser. You know, nobody does. The jumping on the couch on Oprah. Nobody does that type of shit.

A little bit over the top. He said that before that, he was telling me this, but it's so weird how I don't want all this firecracker to show love when there's no love. When you get married, 60% of it is the ether you're under. You're under this ether, man. And once the wedding is over and you wake up, A pussy smells the same. The wedding day, the honeymoon morning.

When you go to eat that snatch, it smells the same. Nothing's changed. And then you realize all these things. You just drop $18,000 and nothing changed. Right, right. You just got a piece of paper. You're in debt for six months after your wedding because you want to have an open bar to be a big shot to your fucking friends.

Between the reception. It's not about your friends, man. Right. And the ring. If you went deep with everything, you could start your life with your spouse at like negative 40 or 50 grand. And you know what's crazy? I'm Jewish, so I had a bar mitzvah,

which was, like, especially in like the Northeast, it's really extravagant, and I'm sure my parents spent way too much money. Right. But the town I grew up in, the Christian kids got so jealous. They started having 13-year-old parties just for the Christian kids. And like, they had their freaking MTV show, my Super Sweet 16, where they're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on a 16-year-old birthday party, and it's just, it's crazy.

Yeah. My mom used to be very crazy on my birthday. She would go overboard, but because she came from a family of nine, and then it celebrated her birthday. So for her, my birthday was her birthday. Aw, yeah. So she would buy a pinata, the fucking sandwiches. But it wasn't because the other kids in the neighborhood had it because your mom loved you.

She didn't give a fuck. Yeah. I don't do nothing. You know, I drive a Subaru. And I would drive a Subaru, whether I made $10 million a year or $5,000 a year. I don't deserve a DMW. I don't want a BMW. I used to rob people for a living.

Why don't I have a BMW? How's it going to change who the fuck I really am inside? So I can never pull up on a VNW just because I don't like that stuff. I've never thought that there's any, I see right through it. And in my mind, people see right through it in the back of some people who are when they get impressed. Those are people who, you know, I get impressed by people's actions. You know, most people who have those cars are scumbags. Go on the 405 and drive.

Who's doing 60? The guy with the Porsche. Do 90, you fucking cunt. That's why you bought the car, right, for the Exposition and the German engineering. Now you're doing 60 in the left-hand lane. Why are you wasting our fucking time for? Motherfogger, you don't want a ticket.

Then why'd you buy the Porsche for? Buy a fucking Prius and do 55. Why do you wait? You follow me, man? Yeah. I don't understand all that world. Whether I had money, I don't understand making a big deal for people. I'm working with this kid in Denver,

and I had to call him and explain to him. I'm like, listen, the day of the shows, bro, I don't want to know me in the green room. And he's like, what are you talking? I don't want girls in there. I don't want cousins. I don't want alcohol in there. I don't know that shit.

That shit's never impressed a guy like me. I don't know why. I don't know why, you know. Me paying $22,000 from my wedding and having, you know, I didn't see it. Yeah. Whether I had the money, it's not about being cheap or being rich. Right. I just don't see the beauty of me making my best friend go to Hawaii on New Year's Day for me to get a wedding.

Why would I think of that special? You make people buy an outfit, you know. It's not an expensive. It's going to cost me $2.50 to want to tucks for a weekend. See, right there. That's so, like, maybe it's just me. Like your fucking Sinatra. Get the fuck out of. Maybe it's my lifestyle because I'm always so broke.

But it's like, to me, that's an insane, like, oh my God, if I had, if I had another $250, I could, you know, go buy this thing I really want. Like, it's insane to me. And they live in Boston, they got to go Vermont for them to do what. And they take pictures by a tree like two fucking fucking fucking flowers. It drives me crazy. It always has, man. I don't know why. And like I said, our wedding, she made the cake.

That's awesome. She made the cake. Three tears with two guys on it. Wow. Singing and dancing. I can imagine Terry. She's just like, why are we going to spend $500? I can make it.

She can make it exactly how she wants. I was so happy about my wedding. I had such a great time. On a Wednesday night. Wow. And we were done by 10. And we went right to the house. We had a great time.

We got a bottle of champagne. It was fucking phenomenal. And I walked to the house to get an eviction notice. Really? Walked in my house to get an eviction notice the day after the way. Oh, my God. Because we had cats. Oh.

They said that we lived there for 11 years, but they wanted to throw us out due to the pricing. We were only paying $700 a month. Oh, yeah. With a garage and one bedroom and unlimited hot water. Wow. Unlimited hot water for me is like unlimited hot fudge. Right. At the fucking corral.

That's like, when I can shoot in a shower, and lay there for three hours in the heat and just finkstoned? My God, that's better in a fucking jacuzzi. Oh my God, that's a start. And I thought of you because I drove by the griddle the other day and there's a line. I told you. That's like your least favorite place.

What time was the line there? Like 10.30. Fucking suckers. Yeah. What's the griddle? The griddle across from Fairfax and Sunset, it's an egg place. Oh, okay. Ten years ago, Lindsay Lohan went there before court, and they got very powerful of your eggs. Oh, my God. They're

fucking eggs, you fucking sheep. Mr. Breakfast and Tom's River is still 10 times better than the fucking Brittle. And I'll get two eggs with that jersey grease, home fries, and two pieces of toast, and a piece of fucking bacon for $6. Because Brittle wants like $18

for breakfast, and it's the same Gentiles that stand out front with their newspapers and they're acting scripts. You know, it's just one of those places. And I always yell at them and beep the horn, you fucking faggit. Get a life, you know, because it's True. You're waiting on line for eggs to be cool.

That's insane. Yeah. This whole movement is about waiting on line. These kids love waiting online. They prove some. Oh, we got to wait on line. I don't want to win in my Russia. There's his toilet paper. I want to wait on fucking line. I got money just like the next guy. Get me the fuck in that.

Oh, God. What's up, Lisa? You're high yet? A little bit. I ate right before it came, so. It's slow. I told you to prepare yourself. Oh, yeah. You love it. You love getting up. In about an hour I call you, you'll be all fucked. Dumb?

Yeah, fuck it. What's going on with you, Vicki Pes? So how long have you guys been doing a naughty show? Oh, my God. This is the fourth year. Third year, I'm involved. And is he still doing a lot of live performances? Yeah, not as much as he used to.

Like, not as much as he used to in L.A. Like, he'll do them out of town. But he's doing some kind of show now. Tripoli X, I think, in September. So that's kind of like, it's a variation of live naughty shows. Crazy Girls, I want to say. I'm not sure. I'm good of a guy is Tripley.

Is he fucking out of his bird? He's all right. He's a fucking madman. He's a fucking madman. Oh, we're recording. He's really, really is. And I've seen him, I've known Tripley since he was a kid. I know, triples since he's a kid, like a fucking young kid.

I can't even imagine. Giggling and, you know, when he first came from Vegas, right? He first came to Vegas. Yes, yeah, he went to college there, yeah. He used to work with Pablo. And, you know, I still remember him at the store in the main room in front of old people doing jokes. about ecstasy and they were just staring at him.

I thought it was the funniest thing in the world. He did not know. He did not know. And now, how many shows do you do a week? You do a podcast. We do two episodes a week, but we record both at once. So we, on Playboy Radio from 3 to 5 on Tuesdays, we record live, we broadcast. And right in Glendale there. In Burbank, Burbank.

When they moved? Yeah. Really? I think they had two places, but, yeah. I used to always do the 7 a.m. show. Yeah, yeah. The girl and the guy. They're still there?

The crazy girl. Yeah, I think so. She tweets. Andrea Lowe. Yes. Andrea Lowe. Yes. What is that? The morning show or something?

Playboy morning show. Yeah. I used to go there a lot. I was telling me I went there when they had a chef that made you a seven-course meal for 100 bucks. For $200 bucks, you and your girlfriend, he'd come over your house and make you a seven-course meal, but everything's got marijuana. Oh, my God. So the salad dressing has marijuana. The appetizer.

has marijuana the main course the wine the dessert he gave us the dessert it was like a a crepe a strawberry bread I was I swear I was gonna ask he gave us a strawberry crepe that was delicious and I was like that sucks like I ate that 7 in the morning yeah and I was like that sucked and by

fucking four because he made it with truffle butter or something like that oh all right but that's good you guys have been you know it's when you look at the iTunes charts and you look at the top podcast it's all the people that have been doing it for three years or longer.

Yeah. You know, it's amazing that people bust in, and they get to number one, and then you see them dropping and dropping, and they adjust. I don't know how iTunes, but the people who have been doing it are always like 70 and in. Yeah, yeah.

And that's a really special number to be in the top 70 of all, of a thousand podcasts and comedy. And I honestly think it's a scam with the iTunes thing. Because if you go and see, like, let's say, a big-name comic announces are going to start a podcast, they'll get the thing up and have no episodes and be number one. Right. Yeah, I've seen that happen. It's crazy. And it's crazy that, I mean, you must see it, because I've done a couple of the podcasts,

and it's so hard to get a foothold, especially if you're not the Marin or the nerdist or someone like that. So to get people to actually listen and keep listening, so it's a big accomplishment. It's harder than it should be, especially since it's free. I'm amazed. Every single time I get a tweet, I'm fucking amazed that any one person is listening. I think it's amazing. Like, it still blows my mind. I'm not jaded about it at all after all these years. It's just that anyone would care to listen and they like it and they talk about, you know, when people like send you messages about shit you said like on the show, it's nuts, right? I'm sure you don't get high before the shows, but I don't remember things I say. I don't remember things I say. said even when I'm sober. So they'll say, oh, I love what you said here. I'm like, I don't remember saying that. But it's amazing, it's amazing the reach because, like, I went to the, the guy who measured

me from my text today. He knew some pod. He didn't know this podcast, but he knew of podcasts. And it's amazing how quickly the technology is moving and letting people do it. Because before, like, my dad was on the radio for 20 years. And he wanted to keep doing it. But a talk show is more expensive than the news and the music. so a lot of talk radio stations went down.

But to do it now, you had to do it then you had to have a radio station hire you and you had to start at the overnight shift or the weekend shift in fucking Tulsa and then hopefully move to better markets. Now, if you're a comedian or anybody, like Joey always says, if he was a plumber, he would have a podcast. So now anybody can do it. Like under 500 bucks, you can have a professional podcast. Yeah.

It's crazy. It's amazing. And you can just put it out there. And what's weird is, like you were saying, how you always see the same people, like, at the top and how amazing that is. That's out of the whole fucking world. That's out of the whole world. So it's almost like, you know, the cream rises. You know what I mean?

This is a great art. Like, this has been a great forum for people, especially myself and Lee. I mean, everything doesn't work for. a lot of people. Right. This definitely worked for comedians. It didn't work for a lot of comics, but it worked. I thought it required something different.

You had to put your guts out there a little more. Yeah. We had to be a little bit more stronger than radio. Right. If you're going to come out and do radio, I don't think it really works. I think for me, it worked when I started opening my guts up. Yeah. And you became one with these people.

You know, I don't like to call them fans. We're like a family here at the church. Right. It's a, we're a network, you know. They offer this. We offer a podcast. They offer graphic services designs. We have construction, you know, and we all, and people come and go.

But we've got a core. Right. You know, Toking Lair, we got Constantine, we got the Leon, we got Lady J. We've got, you know, we just got a family of people. And it's fun. I have Clio. I have a great time communicating. And then when you meet them, it takes the friendship to another level.

Yeah. And I never, you know, I did one of the early Rogan podcasts where I, I'd belittled like the social media and I'd be littled in the beginning and I had to eat my words. Oh, yeah. Because I really learned that there's a certain energy I had with people.

R.J. Strocchio from Chicago, I have this energy with different people. If I didn't mention you, it's because I got the gun to my head. You have a relationship with them on energy alone, Oscar Nunez. But it's so cool because, like, let's see we go to your show. If someone says hi to me, I'll be like, oh, hi, nice to meet you.

But if they're like, if I'm talking later, you're like, oh shit, we've talked for hours. Like, I can't wait to someday go to North Carolina and meet Jim, the Desquad Charlotte guy. Yeah, Jim, Tritsinger. Every two weeks, he tweets me, how you doing, Lee? So I can't wait to go around there and meet him. I was so excited when I met No Susquehanna.

Oh, yeah. No Susquehanna. Like, holy shit, you're real. It's really amazing. And there's times, like, I get up at three and I'll tweet a song and somebody that I'm friends with, I'm lying. I don't have to know background on them. I just know how they approach me if they're a gentleman.

Bill Hoyt tonight hit me, and I hit him back, this guy, and we went back and forth. You know, people don't believe I communicate with them. I got a call from Felipe's boss's girlfriend, Lease, and she goes, you really got to do me a favor. You've got to make a video of you in the morning tweeting. Because I don't believe. People really believe that it's you. If I talked into somebody, they think you hired somebody.

I can never hire somebody. It wouldn't be. I want to connect with you. I think there's an... Angie in our fingers. And sometimes when I'm talking to certain people, I was talking to a girl tonight about a kid. She has a situation with a child.

We're talking about that, you know. It's really amazing. And I'm blown away by it. Yeah. Well, that's somebody's job now, by the way, social media experts to go in and tweet for companies. And it's every six months, there's a big, like someone tweets something

into the wrong account by accident. Like, fucking American Airlines a couple months ago, tweeted a porn picture. Right. When you're not doing it, yourself, you just leave yourself open to a lot of shit. There's always a scandal. I don't want somebody in here. I wouldn't want it because I'm cheating

them. Yeah, no. I don't tweet. If I don't have time to tweet or I can't focus on something that tweet you. I don't mess with it. I just don't mess with these people. They mean something to me and I mean something to them at certain times of the fucking day. I got 90, 1,000 people said to me, hey man,

how was your knee surgery? Let me tell you. These people were not just trying to say, hey, Joe, I always need to be cute. They really sincerely felt it. Yeah. They had knee surgery. And I know that's how they felt. I wasn't even out of the fucking hospital. In the hospital, I checked and people like, hey man, I didn't post pictures up. We're part

of something. We're really part of something. I'm part of an invisible fucking mafia. This is the invisible mafia. We don't have jackets. We don't have pens. We don't have nothing. We just all in the same wavelength in our mind. Do you guys ever get high or just think about what's next? Because no one ever predicted podcasts.

And it's just like, I wish I knew what was. I knew what going to come next that would totally blow everything out of the water. Yeah. So we could get the jump on it. Yeah, I know, right? I think this is going to be more intimate. I love for this to become more intimate.

I love that I can have screens and hear of people, you know, just something. Yeah. I wish it does, you know, I wish it, I wish this blew up to a bigger level. But I got to tell you something, me doing this podcast keeps me sharp as an individual. It keeps me sharp as a human being. It keeps me sharp as a performer, as a comic, my jiu-jitsu. Because now I've got to back what I talk about. The other day I found myself driving

and I pulled over to pick up a piece of ice cream wrapper. You pulled over to pick up an ice cream wrapper? It was 10 feet from me. It was 10 feet from me. I'm part of something. I'm responsible for something. Before I got here tonight, I saw a black lady beating her kid

right outside the Puerto Rican daycare by my house. I had the responsibility to call the police and I didn't because I don't get in the habit of that. But we're part of something. And if I'm sitting here telling you guys you got to wash your asshole, you got to wash your fucking asshole.

That means it starts with me. If I'm sitting here telling you, Lee, did you go to the fucking gym today? It's because I went to the North Hollywood Park and did kettlebells and walked around. I might be a fat fuck, but I got out of the house and got some sun. If I tell you guys, I go to Jiu-Jitsu, I go to fucking Jiu-Tzu, I go to fucking Jiu-Thing. That means you should be fucking doing something. If you're fucking 27, you should be doing something.

If I'm 51 and I'm 100 pounds overweight, so I'm not going to sit here and bullshit you people. This has made me a better individual doing this podcast, maybe a better human being. It's made me accountable. Like that my fitness plan It's made you accountable week.

We talked about this with you. You juiced it first. After six months you met the girl. You ate at enchilada. There was no coming back. You were never going to juice again. I used to bust your ball. He would juice for two days.

And I'd see him depressed. Yeah, I did it for a month and I just couldn't do it. I have such a stupid question. High question. When you say he was juicing, do you mean a juice cleanse? Or like, step? No, no, no, no, no. I know I did a juice cleanse for 30 days, and I lost a bunch of weight, but it's what Joey said earlier.

Like, there was no accountability. Like, I still didn't realize about calories, so it was slow. How easy is my fitness plan? My fitness pal is great. I've seen you, I've seen me, fuck around, leave, and we go, let me buy your steak, leave. And then we go, huh? I'm going to go home. You know, I've seen it.

He's concerned because now he has to walk an hour for 400 fucking calories. Right. That's different than juicing. There's no value. There's no fucking value. I never, you know, there's people that want to do comedy and they want you to coach them, but they don't want to get on stage.

You know, because they have a fear. They want to really be prepared. Just get on stage. And then I'll prepare you after you get on stage because then you'll know what the fuck I'm talking about. You know what I'm saying? So you have to do. And that's what this has done for me.

It's made me be more aware of my surroundings, me. And that's what the podcast is done for me, man. Yeah. I appreciate that one person. Yeah. I appreciate it. One person would listen. It's amazing.

Well, it's really cool. There's like a sub network now of like there's a ton of listeners of their own podcasts. Like there's a ton. And I see it on Facebook all the time. People are like, oh, come be on my podcast just like their friends. And it's like just, I think it's really cool. I mean, who cares? Maybe they only have four listeners.

Who gives up fuck? And a month I'll have six. And another month they'll have eight. Yeah. And they're talking to truth and they're committing themselves to this. it'll work out, man. This is why, you know. What's his name?

I have to fucking, the guy who lost his house. And they all did a 24-hour, like the second 24-hour podcast, and they raised money to get him back in a house. Mitch Nutter. Yeah. Yuck-nasty. He hit me up to that, yeah, the fire. Yuck-nasty, too.

And so it's interesting how there's, like, different groups. Like, there's the Desquot people, and they all listen to each other, and then Marin's, kind of by himself, but then there's the nerds people, and then there's the Kevin Smith people. Kevin Smith is, I just saw the trailer today at the movies, he has a podcast movie coming out. Like a movie about a guy who does a podcast.

They thought of the idea on a podcast. Really? Yeah, if you listen to, it's like a smodcast episode with him and Mosier. Like, they come up with this idea because they see an ad where a guy wants a roommate, a lodger, you can live for free, here's the catch, you have to dress up, and act like a walrus.

So it turned out the ad was a joke, but they didn't know that at the time. So they start going crazy. They're like, imagine what kind of person is this guy? Imagine how creepy it would be, and it just got crazier and crazier. And now Tusk is coming out. It's like a movie based on a fucking podcast episode.

I'm so excited. Plus, he's chosen as well. I just saw the trailer today, and I love Kevin Smith, but it, because he was supposed to retire. Wasn't he after the hockey movie? He did Red State, and he was going to do a hockey movie. and retire, and then I saw this.

It's like a horror thriller podcast movie. I'm like, well, that's kind of crazy. It's like they came up with it. Sorry. You never know where this is going to go, Mickey. When you started doing a dirty show podcast with Sam, you had no idea. Now you're doing it twice a week there.

It's on AM radio. You know, people listen. And you wonder when do people find time to listen to all these podcasts? Because they just don't listen to church and to Playboy. Right. Or the dirty show, they listen to Mark Marin. They listen to the next. nerdist, they listen to Rob Kelly, they listen to, you know, Jim Florentine. I mean, where

do they go? And then it's always crazy, too, to see, like, like, you know, the people that listen to yours, like, what are the other shows they listen to? Like, and just to see, like, what makes people choose what shows, what is it that makes people connect with some shows? Yet, I listen to a ton of podcasts and love them. Love them. Love them. So, you know, I believe in this medium. I want it to be a part of it. any way I could be. I'm just really happy that Lee talked me into doing the church early mornings

and now we get, you know, like I switch it around. I like variety. I don't want to be stuck. Like Monday, we'll do a 6 a.m. on the next Wednesday. We got an author, a writer for movies. We'll switch it around. I like these 8 o'clock ones. What the fuck are we competing with on Wednesday?

I don't know fucking TV. I'd rather watch this shit and get some laughs and smoke a number and go to fucking sleep. That's it, brother. It's a beautiful fucking thing we're doing. Let me give some shoutouts real quick. We're moving right along tonight, Cock Suckers. We got Jerry Kintanilla. We got Achnoli surgery.

Dan Pizini, look. XP420 DJ, my main man, Whiskey Tumblr, Jesse Leon, Justin Evans, and Sentinel Radio for publishing a nice little fucking thing for that. That's how we do it, Lee? How are you feeling? You're not even high tonight. I'm a little high. Why are you sad?

You look all the before. I'm not sad. No, I've just been, I've had this idea for about a year. What's your idea? And I don't think it would work or I don't know even how to go. But my high school had a high school radio station, right? And I've been thinking ever since I stopped working a full-time job. I was like, what can I fill my time with?

And I want to go to like Van Nuys High School or North Hollywood High School, like not a richer one, but one that probably has kids who don't know whose parents don't make that much and do like a podcast club. And I don't even know if you could do that with somebody. I don't even know if they let random people in the schools anymore. Right. But I just thought it would be cool for the kids to produce it. And it wouldn't be that expensive for the school system to produce.

Can a normal dude roll up to a school and say, I have some microphones, round up the kids? Yeah. We're going to have a club. I just thought it would be because it's kind of cool. I was lucky enough to go to a college where I majored in like TV production and film. And like it's cool that that exists. A lot of people go to state schools and they don't have those programs. And, like, I just thought it would be cool to go into, like, you always see those movies.

Like, the white teacher goes into the black school and they teach them how to, like, to write the poems. And I don't know, I just had to be cool to go into, like, a lower income school and have, like, a podcast club. Oh, my God. I don't know. I get high and think of weird stuff. So you want to go into the ghetto. Yeah, seriously.

This is it. Yeah. This is it. Yeah. He goes into a school. He fucking teaches black kids out of podcasts. Yeah. They jump up and down.

and then they have gang wars amongst the podcast. They draw fucking signals. I don't know. Michelle Fife. Everybody's done those. You get me high and I start thinking about stuff. Michelle Fiper, it's awesome.

You never know, man. I wish, I always, that's one of my dreams to go back to North Bergen and maybe do like an acting comedy type thing to introduce kids to it. Yeah. I never got into, I didn't even know I had this available to me. I never knew I could go into New York, take an acting class and do a theater.

Right. I didn't know. I thought that you were born into this. I thought you'd be Kirk Douglas' nephew. I didn't fucking know that. And I guarantee kids don't know. And I just like to go over there one day and go, look. I know a couple acting teachers in New York, and this is what you do. You have to get head shots and go.

But the most important thing is you've got to get involved. A lot of people want to act. But you have to get involved. You got to hang out with your peers, you know. And people just don't even know where to start. Like you're podcaster, Cassius Morris. He's a 14-year-old kid. Holy shit.

Who's amazing. So, Cassius, you know, you never get into the building because you're not a teacher. Yeah. And you're not certified. In the days like today, you know, they don't know if you're showing up with fucking M&Ms. And you've got a missing finger under your long jacket. You've got to look at it from their perspective. No, I know.

That's why I don't know how to go about it. And nowadays, bro, you can't even touch these kids. You can't go a good job. Right. But just because you can't really do it doesn't mean you can't make the movie. That's true. This movie is based on real thoughts that we had. Actual real thoughts.

I've always, you know, that's one of my... Well, yeah, because you were going to coach a basketball team. And I was just talking to Paul because she went to school in Englewood. And she told me, like, kids never showed up. And it's just, it's... And I dated a girl back in Boston who taught in a bad area. And she was telling me, like, kids would throw chairs. And it's just like, I was so lucky where I went to school.

that like I had all opportunities and it's just uh it's crazy it's crazy when you think about that like your daughter mercy if she was born 30 minutes down the road in Compton like that like can you imagine like what like her entire life would be different it just I don't know when I get high I start thinking about crazy stuff you know it depends on the area of the schools it's amazing the amount of taxes we pay and how many children's programs they've cut out I can't even start to tell you the advantages I had as a child from the city. Never mind with your parents or leagues, just in the city leagues, where you went, you got put on a team, you got a t-shirt,

and you play their games, and after the game, they took you out for a peach, and you got a trophy. We've cut out that program now. Or it costs $200. It costs $200. You got to pay the kid sneakers. You've got to pay for all their trips. If they take a bus, insurance, these parents don't have it. We're paying all these fucking taxes.

When I was a kid, you had 10 different football things. You had PAL baseball. You had regular city baseball. And then there were the leagues that you had to pay for. The specialty leagues. They've always been around. But your city always offered stuff. That's all gone.

I go to that North Hollywood Park and I look at the board and stuff. Basketball league, $65. Your kid's fucking seven. Where's it going to get $65 from? You know, it's just amazing. And this is what we've cut out. You know, the city, you know, the city, still. When I was a kid, the city would take you the Yankee Stadium. New Jersey.

They would rent buses and give you salami sandwich and take it to the Yankee Stadium. Those things cost now. Your taxes are fucking higher than ever. What are they doing? They're going to the moon. They're helping everybody they shouldn't help. They're sending sand to fucking Arabia, whatever, so they can have sand. So they can play soccer. They could play fucking, did you read that? They cost $2,000 per pound of sand to ship it to Iraq so the soldiers could play. volleyball. Are you serious? What? Yeah, you know, shit like that. You sit there and go, are you fucking crazy?

Isn't that the desert? Yeah, $15 billion on spaceships and shit. Did you see that article? The one where you're saying the cop pulled the mom over? It was on CNN the next day. I told you. What? What story is that? You know, the other day I'm watching, today Diane Sawyer was the last performance. And last night was Chelsea. I watched that last night. All those poor and funny comics are out of fucking work now. it's going to be a real fucking they'll be sucking dick in two years

all those fucking fake comedians unbelievable they were all depressed in the back the fucking gravy trains over cocksucker you guys had a couple funny things on stage we were getting six seven grand and they went to see you they realized you weren't worth ten fucking dollars

party's over for those fucking dead beats fuck them but no yeah there's this story in Texas that like this cop pulled over a mom and kids Because, like, the car matched the description of, like, an actual robbery. Am I lying to you? Had 20 comedians on last night.

Three of them were funny. The rest of them are junk. You could see them all depressed. It's over, cock suck. It's time to write jokes. Put away the fucking ukuleleys and all that stupid shit. Time to do real fucking jokes like us. There wasn't one dead squad person there.

How embarrassing was that? Wow. One dead squad per Brody Stevens with a fucking bikini on the fucking medication. He was okay for fucking an hour and a half. That fucking nutcase. I love him, though. I didn't even watch it. Isn't that crazy?

I was home with my leg up and I was going through the channel. I saw him on. She got everybody there. Yeah. She had fucking everybody that's amazing. I saw it all over Twitter. And then fucking Diane Sawyer quit today. That's who should have a party.

That's who matters. Diane Sawyer, that bitch. I think you're like the only person who watches the news. I can't remember the last time I watched like the local news in the morning. I can't even imagine. I watch it for the traffic. You got to be ahead of the fucking traffic. You got to know where to go, where not to go.

How do you find that yesterday closed it because of the Emmys? You're going downtown to pick up the wife and you got fucking traffic because the Emmy. You don't know that shit. Meanwhile, you're whistling. It's a beautiful day to be like, fuck you, the Emmys. I ain't gone. You don't know if Obama's coming to town, that fuck. Oh, God.

That fucking douchebag shows up for three fucking days. He's not even running again. He keeps having the benefits with Sean Pan and all these fucking people jumping up and down, giving them fucking money. They'll never be a black president again. It's over for them. They never better tell those fucking young kids you can be present. This is never happening again

I knew it was a bad fucking idea in the beginning I fucking knew it All these people changed All these people are hiding for fucking cover now Changing your fucking Prius And the fuck out of here You fucking dummies And I got felonies

I can't even vote And I'm telling you never ever If you're black do not tell you a kid He ruined it for all black people He ruined it for spicks Everybody I wouldn't vote for no There's a white country Why we put these fucking people in that fuck

Got the fuck out of here Get the fuck out of here. There's a white country. What the fuck? You know that already? They want to come along. Johnny come lately. And Romney was a piece of shit too with that little Eddie Munster assistant.

That's the thing. That's the thing. Eddie Munster assistant. There's two people in this country who've won an election by anything else but true love. And that was Clinton who won the election with the MTV. He dipped into the MTV crown. He won an election. Clinton did the job.

So finally some guy came through. This fucking guy, people voted out of him. the sympathy thing. I'm not racist. We can have a black present. That's what it was. And all these Gentiles from Calabasas and Santa Monica, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. They're the ones that got taken. They're the ones that got taken. He might

have been a good dude and shit, but he wasn't ready. Look, the proof is in the fucking pudding. Everybody's fucking unhappy. I'm talking lies here. Everybody's fucking unhappy. Everybody's fucking unhappy. They're making new ISIS. One of these fucking people come through. One of this gang fucking start.

So, you know, the proof is in the pudding. I'm not talking out of lines. Why is ISIS-Obama's fault? I don't know. Everything's fucking Obama's fault. Were they around when fucking Obama signed up? No. They're around now. They're around now. You see that there's a lot of Americans getting killed over there, like going over and then fighting

for Syria? Dumb fucks. Switching fucking governments. They deserve to get what the fuck they get. I can't switch fucking governments to go over there and fight these fucking Abdullah. You never going to go fight for Cuba? Why? I live in Studio City. I can't nobody. I ain't bother nobody.

Cuba. Last time they fought for you what they do. They left their dicks in the dirt. 13,000 Cuban soldiers. Kennedy left their dick on the dirt. Finally, he paid him. He bailed. He was a blue dog Republican, Democrat, whatever the fuck he called that shit. So a lot of people don't know he bailed out with his own money, 1,300

Cuban people out of the Cuban jail in the Bay of Pigs. Really? Yeah, that's Kennedy. I mean, a lot of people don't know that about fucking Kennedy. But what? Right now, if you're black, do not tell you a kid he's going to be the president of the United States. I'm telling you right now. I'm sorry. And if you're Cuban, Puerto Rican, Dominican, that goes for you too.

Maybe a Chinaman. Maybe. So how far did he set him back? What could have, like, a black person is hired a girl? A thousand fucking years, okay? Could they at least be like a senator? It's like when you bring my name after Comedy Central. Before you say Diaz, no. No.

Anyone with Joey. No. Joey Diaz, Joey does anything. They don't even want to talk about it. That's a terrible. It's true. I ain't a lot of these people to tell you that people are excited right now. Sorry for that.

breaking news everyone, but Obama ruined it. It is what it is. Obama ruins it very, but I don't think we got a short fucking. Maybe. Maybe in 20 years a black guy might show up. Sweep the country off its feet.

Oh, that's a little vicarant. A little narco fart there. It sounds like a fucking CVS. What's happening to Lee, you bad motherfucker? What are we doing tonight? I don't know what you want to . I don't know. Animal tranquilizers. We're doing everything. I don't want animal tranquilizers.

You need some. How many calories you got left? I got, because I lowered my calories today. I think I got like 3 or 400 left. How do you lower your calories every 10 pounds? Every 10 pounds and ask see if you want to. Yeah, I have, they give me 16, 15, and I've had 1267. So I don't know what that math is.

Yeah, I'm really trying to not eat at night anymore because that was the worst thing for me. So last night I went to bed hungry, which I used to never do. An apple. But even that I'm trying not to do. Two apples. Two apples, I'm going to kill you, plus, when the morning when you wake up, first thing you wake up, when you put that cough into your lips,

you're going to feel a little shit warm, coming out of your ass with no hesitation. When you eat two apples before you go to bed, it just comes out night. All you hear it bloop, bloop. Well, I've been popping that fiber like a savage. And you're ready to go, you finish your coffee, you're mesmerized. You're like, whoof. I just took a morning shit. Thank God I ate those apples.

I was actually scared today when I got home because you have to take fiber twice a day, like the stuff I got. I was like, I'm going to get high tonight. I don't know if I should take this. Like, what happens if I get too high and I have to share it on like during the podcast? But I decided the guy who said, fuck it, let's see what happens. His face is getting red. Yeah.

Yeah, that's how I can tell that it's real. That's the man. That was a real thought. It's coming. Ricky Paz, what's your day system? So you have a day job? You just do that. Oh, no.

No, I don't have a day job. So what do you do? It's pretty great. I just, I work on the naughty show mainly, but I do comedy. I just, I've been doing a lot. with podcast basically. And Gareth Reynolds and Evan Mann started a show, Point versus Point.

So I'm producing that. I go, and when they record, I'm not on it. I just, like, I take notes because I edit it. I'm really big into editing. And I just bought equipment. I've been saving up for it, and I'm really excited. Two Shore SM-58 microphones and an H-6, so I'm about to start some stuff.

Yeah, maybe in the next month or two. I'll let you guys know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll love to be on that. jump up and down to you about this fucking That would be pretty great To get Chinese food cucks suck I'll burn you with a disease cigarette

In the fucking neck Sanamonic for China What's the name of the joint? I don't even know And what's the specialty of it? What's so good at me? No, I just, okay, so when I get really into my diet I start going to Yelp

And just searching things To look at pictures You imagine this fucking Manook Yelp No, fuck you I'll just like last night I searched the strangers Strangers, you don't fucking know.

These guys eat hummus, and they think it's fucking delicious. Not if there's two reviews. If there's 700 reviews and it's four and a half stars, yeah. Isn't that sheep? That's called sheep. So, go ahead, drop it on me. No, I don't know.

We found it a few months ago. I don't know. What's the name of the place? It's in the third street promenade. I have no idea. And you're going to go down there and park and do all that shit for Chinese food. Yeah.

All that drama. It's not that much drama. Okay. Third Street Pomon on a Sunday is no drama. You're just going to go down there parking. Walk hand in hand, like nobody's business. I did, I did, for the Crape class, Friday night. I parked on the street.

I didn't park in the lot like a sucker. I found a meter, and we just walked. It was nice. How long was no walk? Yeah. 10 minutes? Yeah, I know. Oh, boy.

But it's Santa Monica Friday night. Who doesn't want to walk holding hands? Yeah, good. You want to walk holding hands. Fuck yeah. Did the walk there and back makeup for the creeps? No, fuck no. They made their own Nutella.

That shit was delicious. This lady made her Nutella from, she made croissants. from scratch for before the class. Are you serious? I would kill... Have you had a... Have you had a...

What's the donut croissant? It's a... Strudel? No, no, no. It's like this guy in New York made it up. It's, uh... They take a croissant and they just put, like, the donut grease. It's fucking amazing.

There's not enough fat people. You gotta make a fucking donut croissant now. Let me look it up. You're going to look up donut croissots. Yeah. My... Cronut. That's what it is.

Oh, I have heard of that. Yeah, everyone says it's fucking amazing. Yeah. Oh, my God. I would kill somebody for one of those right now. It sounds pretty good, I guess. You ever have a cronaut, Joey? Fuck, no.

Did you guys go to the Orange County Fair at all? No, but I was looking at it. It's expensive, too. It's like 70 bucks to get in? Something crazy about that. No, well, I mean, maybe between a few people. I think it's only, oh, maybe for tickets to things. Yeah.

the shows and stuff. Oh, oh, is pretty good. Okay. No, it was still like, I think it was more than 10, less than 20. I can't think. Maybe 12. But I guess, but that's not, I didn't get to see any of the bands or performers or anything like that.

So that's probably 70. How is it fair? Dude, the fucking food. It was out of control. It was out of control. Do you get fried dough? I got, did we get fried Oreos? Oh, I've never even tried that.

Oh, they're really, really. It's like Zapolas, but with the Oreo in it. Oh, no. I've seen it. I've seen it on TV, but like, I took Paula to get fried dough and she never had it before. Oh, God, it's really good. The cinnamon and the powder sugar. Where was this at?

When I went to took it to Boston last year. She liked that. Who doesn't like fried dough? I love those fucking Zeppelis. Yeah. Amazing. When I was in the sixth grade, seventh grade, I'd walk from 22nd and Central Avenue Union City to like 18th Street every morning. I get a bag of Zeppelies, a long piece of Italian bread.

I stick a hotel bar butter. and a 64-ounce coke and that was my breakfast in the sixth grade. Oh my God. And that's mini-fried dough, right? Oh, my God. Jumping from the bottom, like a fuck with sugar on and powdered sugars all over your fucking face.

I wanted to say something today. You just shake the bag. Oh, yeah. This guy was drinking a two-liter Coke in the gym locker room, and I was like, come on, man. That's weird. Yeah. Let them die. Fuck, let them drink Coke and die.

Disgusting, cocksucker. We've got to stop somebody from dying. He wants to drink Coke in there. Was he fat? No, he wasn't. In shape? Yeah, medium, yeah. You were just jealous.

He was like, fuck that motherfucker. Fuck that punk. Doing four shows and drinking coke, because I got to walk up and down like a fucking moron just to burn 400 calories to eat Chinese food on fucking Sunday. I like fucking love Coke. I drink soda's a huge addiction. But I would never bring it to the gym

just because I would feel like, don't I look like a fucking. idiot right now. Don't I look insane right now? Yeah. That was one of the hardest things of the lifestyle change was the soda. Did you cut soda out? I cut soda out when I went to weight watches and now it's very

hard to drink a Coke like a real Coke. It's probably way too sweet now, right? That's what everyone says when they stop. Oh my God. And even Diet Coke, I've cut it out but I'll tell you something. There's just some food. Like when I go home to Chan's that fucking, you can only eat that with a can of Coke.

Yeah, yeah. That type of Chinese food only calls for a can of Coke. You know, there's like chicken calls for white wine and Sauvignon Blanc. I don't know nothing about that shit. I do know that pork spare ribs, Chinese stuff, they call for a can of Coke. And one of those glasses of water, the brown glasses

water? What do you fuck? I don't know. I like that. With the Coke's, with a Chinese restaurant, I'll drink on ice with a straw. Okay. That's what it calls for the straw, because you've got do three of those cans. Oh, yeah. That actually, that's how Jewish I am. Paula knows. If I go to a restaurant and I order a soda and they bring the can out, I get pissed

off because that means there's no free refills I'm not going to get any more. Oh, really? You know what? I'll sacrifice it for the real Coke. Oh, yeah. I'll sacrifice it. There's only one person who has real Coke out there. That's delicious. McDonald's.

A lot of ice cubes, that Coke burns your throat. That's delicious. Do you remember the little bottles, the 8 ounces? Yeah. That was the specialty. They put more oxygen in those. So when you drank them, that's why they burned your throat. Come on, guys.

Do you guys ever get that Mexican Coke? I got it once out here, and I never got it again. Never again. No. No. No. No. No.

No. It's like four bucks a bottle. And it's real sugar. It's real sugar, but it's not... It's not like the most... It's what people said about in and out. I like a burger, but people like hype stuff up so much around here.

I had Mexican Coke. It tasted like sweet Coke. It's just about. I don't know. All these fucking... You know, all these burgers. I love a good burger, but we've forgotten about what a burger is. It's like a slice of pizza. You got mad at me the other day.

It's like a slice of pizza. It's exactly what that call. A slice of pizza. pizza. What's the pizza place I like in Hollywood? They have one in they have two of them on Hollywood and no, it's on Selma it's up by Highland, I think.

I don't even know. I don't know. I used to go there. I seen the owner at the comedy store the other night. But here's the problem. He's from the East Coast. And he makes a nice slice. But the problem is, I go in there, I order a slice and he has to give the piece of paper to the Mexican chef, but the Mexican shape makes you sound.

The slice became a 10-minute thing. That's not what a New York slice is. A New York slice is, as you're taking my money, I don't care if you took money and put it on my pizza. I don't give a fuck. Put it in the oven, cook that motherfucker. That's what it is, a slice on the move. That's why you eat a slice.

But everything he has been changed. Unami burger is a great burger, but why should I pay $15 for a burger? Right. Why should I pay $15 for a fucking burger? To get a little spoon of dipping sauce, why not? Why else? The whole thing of what an American burger is.

An American burger is a piece of meat that you buy a pound of, and you get bread and you put cheese on and bacon and ketchup. Why should it be $15, Lee? It shouldn't be, but he called me, and he liked to tease me because he knows, like, I'm on a diet. So he'll be like, where would you get a burger right now? And I said, what would you get on? And I said, if I'm going to really tell you what I really want, and I love putting an egg on it now, what they're doing,

and he went off for like five minutes, like you don't put fucking eggs on me. Why? Who put it for an egg on a burger? It's fucking amazing. That's weird. That's not an egg on a bird. No, that's it. doesn't go. We're doing something else. We're doing something else. Everybody

wants to put a bun, a different bun, a chibada bun. What's your bottle? I don't want to mix pretzel and burgl. All this shit to make everything better, but they're making it worse. It's like if you read the Keith Richard's books, he talks about music and there's no more live albums.

We have forgotten how to make the live out because we made it too technical. And all you got to do is put two fucking mics on the bass drum and why everything can go. We've forgotten that. because they made everything too complicated. A burger is a pound of the fucking meat season. Right?

Some onions. You toast a bun, you fucking flip it, and you put fucking cheese on in onions. What kind of cheese? American, that's all you put on there. There's no cheddar, unless you go to prison. How do you do you? Unless you're in welfare.

This is what this fucking money is. I like cheddar. Cheddar cheese. Chatter fucking cheese. This is what I got to deal with. This is the whole youth. From cheddar to fucking ranch. The whole fucking youth.

They're disgusting. And then you look around and you see why these kids are floating them. Because they eat fucking ranch dressing with everything. You're not supposed to... It's a cheeseburger, bro, with fries and nuts and a soda. What is all this egg? What is all this shit? Quit piling on.

To make me pay $18 for the simplest fucking thing on it. When I came from Cube, I looked at a hamburger and a hot dog like it was gold. If I ate enough of these, maybe I'd be lucky to become an American. Oh, you should hear this. So I got, I had turkey hot dogs last week. He mentioned it for like four. He's like, you're from Boston. People from Boston don't eat turkey hot dogs.

That's what he's fucking, that's what he's fucking, that's fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, I'm gonna save him, my cholesterol, shoot yourself now. It doesn't start with a hot dog, you fuck. A nice Oscar mine, nice Duman's hot dog, a nice fucking, what's the other place? Like they sell out, Rouse, Nathan's. You take the beef hot dog, it's as good,

so what you can find the mice tail in there. That's the whole flavor. It's like eating ass with pussy hair on it. That's the flavor on your asshole. Like, oh, but, you know. Just if you're going to do it, do it. Turkey fucking hot dog. If you're going to do it, do it.

I can see a turkey burger. They're delicious with some mustard and some onions and some mushrooms. A nice multi-grained ball. But think of a turkey burger. Americans die. Thomas Jefferson died for us to fucking eat. And you're eating a turkey fucking hot dog. Never again.

Throw those things out. in the garbage can. They go right in the fucking garbage can. No turkey. If you're a part of the church, there's no turkey dog. There's no Starbucks coffee. That's the fucking faggots too. You drink fucking black coffee with sugar. That's it. From 7-11, the Bolivian. They can have cream?

No fucking. You want cream? It's in your nuts side. That's a cream. No fucking cream. Cream is for fucking girls. Amaretto-flavored coffee. We're men. We're fucking men. We drink fucking coffee. What the fuck is wrong with people? gotten soft and it starts with all that shit and it carries over it carries

over these people you see with the cup close to their heart they have to show you they went to Starbucks oh my god or with the fucking water and you're out trying to enjoy coke and they show up and over with water is the inflational listen you paid eight dollars for that fucking thing moron again show me the fucking glacier show me the glacier where you got that fucking water from there some fucking fucking yam put filled that up with a fountain and you paid $8 because it's, I like your charge, it's going to burn galleries.

Holy shit. Oh, my God. I never knew you're so upset about... I am, because as a society, we're going for hook and sinker. We're falling for this shit as a hook and sinker. And you know what they really overpriced? The 100 calorie snacks.

I had to stop buying them, because, like, I bought a thing of 100 calorie goldfish and it was like four bucks for a pack of six. And I went and I bought a bag of regular ones, and I just have to count them out now, but it was like a dollar. Why don't you buy a box of Oreos and put two in a bag here? No, I can't. No, I can't.

No one can eat two Oreos. Yes, you can. No, you can't. You're at least eating one sleeve. No one has two Oreas. That's an animal. That's a normal person. Nobody else. Not like people like you and I.

If one, you have to eat two and stop. If a person eats two Oreos, I think they're sociopath. Listen, if people... Who can eat two Oreos? If people see you and me walking from behind, they'll pull over shooters and put us in a cage. Understand me? We can't eat that shit, so you have to make a compromise. I just don't eat them in a baggie and lock them up and just take two weeks.

Lock them up? What? My wife buys those Vienna fucking cocky. I love those things. But I'll eat one every two nights. Every two nights. Every one or nothing, but you're saying you can't have it in the house because you can't stop. That shit will wake you up, like the Coke used to wake me up, on it.

Two in the morning you hear those cookies calling you, leave. Fuck, yeah. If I had cheeses Cheezeseses just only last two hours I love Cheezesisers She likes him too I gotta vote Cheezer's a girl Well look

I'll say I'll say this I don't know anyone that could just eat two Oreos Thank you but I do think it's reasonable That most people eat one donut right We have to start Doing things When I went to weight watches and I learned You're sneaking another donut in

You have to make compromises with yourself It's a dungon donuts number one If you don't lose weight If you don't lose weight, and there's nothing wrong with two donuts, and you're absolutely right. It's the 19 donuts. There's nothing wrong with two Oreo. But us as human beings and as responsible adults, that's what we have to do. We have to eat two cookies.

And if you do it, it's a discipline. It becomes a discipline. And that's what this is all about. A discipline. It becomes a discipline. Just like anything else, I'm only going to eat two fucking cookies. And then I'll eat an apple. Oh, I want two more cookies?

I'll eat an apple. I don't want an apple, and I don't want two cookies. It's a compromise. life is a fucking compromise I won't suck your dick tonight but I'll tickle your nuts sack it's a compromise you know what I'm saying it always has been I would love to have that compromise

I would love to have that I'd make this so fucking difficult for you know what I'm saying tickle your nuts it always has been what's all the drama Vicki Pezzell what days do you do the podcast I do the podcast Tuesday from 3 to 5 on playboy radio.com

What channel is that? It's just Playboyradio.com. It's its own thing now. That's subscription to hear it live. But we're on all things,com. Also, the podcast. And what two days do you shoot that? We do it.

We release on Wednesday and Sunday. We release on iTunes and on ATC. And we're doing the LA Podfest, September 26th, in Beverly Hills. And you should go. We're the slot right before Death Squad. I'm sending a lead down there. Lee's in the VR.

I am? Yeah, because you're going to be in New York. I know, I looked to see if you were available. That squad is doing it. Brian is doing. Yeah, I think they're doing Kill Tony. I think Tony's going to do it. Okay, yeah, that's what I thought, too.

They did it last year, too, and they were great. We did the first year, but, yeah, it's a third year now. We're going to go this year and represent them. Yeah, you should. Okay, I haven't been here. Is it where it's in Bella Hills? Yes. They probably got Chinese food down there's some fusion.

There's like a party at the beginning. You should go. Mingle. It's like everyone. It sounds like networking And I just... Oh yeah, it's networking. And everyone's in the...

With all your favorite podcast stars. Everyone's going to be in there lying about how many numbers they got. We get $4 million a day. Yeah. Really? Because you're number 200. Right.

Oh, I plan on lying. I can't wait. Everyone... It's like a dick size. Everyone inflates by like $30,000 in episode. I hope so. I hope that's what everyone's doing. I'm in trouble.

You guys went last year also. We went the first year. Last year we weren't there, but I went. I go every day because I'm serious. I'm such a nerd. Oh my God, no. You totally should go. It's just at a hotel and there's like a bar there so it's like everyone just hanging out

like all the podcasts. It's pretty cool. And they do a stand-up show I think on Saturday, but I think they're going to, there's some kind of documentary about podcastings. They might air that instead some of the people were in. Maybe I'm in, I don't know.

I didn't, I was interviewed. I don't know if I made the cut. Don't want to make any promises. But don't want to get my hopes up. Yeah, you should go, Lee, and represent. We were going to do the Santa Monica. We're going to do the Santa Barbara Comedy Festival. We're going to do the podcast up there, but I got a movie,

so we can't. We're going to do that and shoot this thing with dice, but I can't. So I feel bad. They moved my Comedy Central shooting until the 16th for Ari Show. We're moving it to Tuesday night now. Oh, cool. Good. So I'm going to do the 16th and 10 o'clock. This is not happening.

Oh, that's awesome. I have four weeks off, and then all help. That New York week is hell. Because that New York week, I got a Dodger game on Monday nights. We've got to do the podcast at 6th. And we're going to do a podcast Tuesday because I'm leaving Wednesday morning. I get to New York, Wednesday more, I do the stand Wednesday night. Thursdaysum I do Opie and Anthony.

I do that thing. Friday and Saturday show it's a rough fucking week in New York. It's a very... But it's the second annual close the window tour. Close the window tour. starts in New York. Shut the window. Yeah, so that's a fun little street.

So I'm looking forward to it. It's great to go home. You know, I'm going to be home for four weeks. It's going to be a hard four weeks. My wife went back to work. Yeah. She's going back two days a week because there were two people quit. So they called her and asked her and she said, I'll do two days a week.

So now we have a new schedule. We have to take the baby out in the morning and fucking sweat her up. Oh. By 10 and 30, because she's an animal. You've got to burn that energy off. If not, you've got an animal on your hands all fucking day. Yeah. Oh, oh.

You know, from 10 to fucking. One, she won't go to that, I had to put it down. She wouldn't even sleep for the babysitter, because if she knows I'm home, she gives the babysitter a hard time. So we pick her up, take her to her bed, and I lay down when she fell asleep. It was the best 15 minutes of my life. I was in there next to her, watching her, and she opens up your eyes and looks, pokes your nose, and then she sings one little finger, one little finger, tap, tap.

And put your finger up, put your finger down, stick it in your. ass, ass. Somehow I think you improvved that last night. No, I improv. I didn't say that to that as a little baby. Are you starting to worry about that now? Like, you can't say fuck on the phone or something? Can't say nothing. Can't say nothing.

Two weeks ago she was saying shit. Little parrot. A little parrot, right? I say sit. Just to confuse it, say sit. Sit. And somebody said to me, it sounds like you're saying shit. I go, I know, but it's really sit. So I had to stop completely. I don't want her cursing.

It's amazing that, like I said, you know, I read that article too, and I just erased it. I didn't even click on it, but I saw the headline here. It was a fucking can't put a value on your child. You just work. You just fucking work. And you do the best you can for your child. You know, we all want to provide

for our children better than we had it. We had a pretty fucking good in this room. Okay, nobody got stabbed. Nobody, you know. So, but you have this thing. So to put a price on it, you give your child everything. You give your child your blood. So what are the real that fucking article was a fucking mutt.

And whoever fucking read it and really like, oh, I don't know, honey, take a look at this. I don't know. Shut the fuck up. You figure out a fucking way, man. Your dad and mom figured out. Your dad worked on the radio for 20 years and supported you. You had nice sneakers. You went to Taekwondo. You

wrestled. You know, but these fucking things are a budget for your child? What's a real budget for your fucking child? What are you buying? One pair of sneakers from Kmart? And you put that in there all fucking year. So that's why get upset with those things. There's no value, man. There's no value to make my wife happy. There's no value.

I'm not going to buy a $20,000 ring, but there's no value. There's no value in happiness. And fuck all those articles and fuck the rings and all that shit. That's what we've become confused in this country. I'd say that a thousand times. I can think of all the great times I've had. And I've got to say 80% of those times were growing up in Jersey when I went out with my friends with six bucks.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Those are the things. How many times have you gone out you got money? It's a fake fucking half. We're all going to meet and do this. Like New Year's Eve parties? Yeah, they all suck. Yeah. You know, it's when you look at your friends and you get in the car and go, man, I don't have any money.

We would have like $8 to go take the path train into New York. It was so easy. Get a 40. And I mean 17, 18, like not fucking 21. You go get a 40 ounce in New York. It's no problem at all. You could have a whole day. Go to Graze Papaya.

You could have a whole fucking. weekend off of like maybe 10 bucks. It's really scary what the Kardashians have done to young girls. It's really crazy about what we think now. You know, bottle service. I saw an ad for a comedy show with bottle service, and I almost had to call you. They have them.

They have Miami. They're already doing them. They're already doing. In the front row, they sit in the front row, and they put a bottle in a thing, and the girl sits there like she's fucking special. She doesn't know He does this three nights a week

And she's gonna suck that dick anyway It's amazing And they sit there like look at me I'm special That's who you want That's who you want to Make a guy contact with the entire time You know

I don't understand I don't know whatever happened Going on a Friday night Just getting three whiskey tonics That's $7 a piece Or $6 a piece I gotta buy a $15 on a bottle To the table

I listen to loud music I can't even fucking talk to you Whatever I'm just getting a gram of blow Vicki let's go up in the room Let's go up in a room And eat your ass Whatever happened to that shit or a hit of ecstasy or something like that.

I don't understand that. A bottle, a thousand dollars a bottle to sit on the table to be cool. Hit a ecstasy is a night of enjoyment for $20. For $20.00. Boom. You take it. Do you plan ecstasy? No. The best times I've had doing drugs

when I called you up and said, Lee, what are you doing? You sit in here, bugging TV. Lee, I got a gram to blow you in. I don't have any money. Lee, I didn't ask you if you had money. I asked you if you were in. I'll pick you up in five minutes. I don't even have money for beer. Don't worry about it.

We'll buy a bottle. or somewhere with drink shots and you make it happen. But this shit, the plan, I fucking always hit that shit. Always. That's always bothered me as a kid. But now in society, you got to do all these things. You've got to go to

Starbucks and pay $4 for fucking coffee. When you go to 7-11, pay $0.99 for Brazilian bowl and your hair stick up. I do it once a fucking day. Go and get that Brazilian terrorist coffee. There's 7-Eleven. More and more, you go to sell 11, you're like, this is a terrorist organization. It's just a

matter of time. They're funding ISIS? They're funding everything. Do you know what I fucking get every day, guys? This is so terrible. Like, I get a slurpy almost every day. I don't drink coffee, but I get that slurpy every day. And I do a little cherry, and I do mostly

Coca-Cola the 40-ounce. That's a good one, cherry-pop. I got one the summer that week when it was like 100 degrees every day. I got one for like the first time in like probably four or five years, and it was amazing. But then I always, I have the straw down too far, so then the top's like disgusting ice.

Right. There's a place up, I don't know if you live around here or not, but there's a place up here that has like Hawaiian ice that Joey took. It's like shaved ice. It's like a 3D snow cone. It's better than the snow cone because it's not hard. It's, oh my God, I should go there tonight. And the Puerto Ricans don't get a residual on it.

That is, because the Puerto Ricans invented the snow cone in New York. They know what? The coconut with the cherry and shit, they scrape that ice. Yeah. And this is brilliant. It's closed. Yeah. Just close. 10 o'clock.

You get the cherry coconut with the condensed milk. Yes. Oh, yes. Condensed milk is good? Oh, my God. In the fucking middle of that when you're stolen. I don't like condensed milk, but with that shit, it's fucking good. It just works. It's like a frosting or an icing, like you would never expect. It's incredible.

They don't fuck around. I don't take it a place. And right next to it is that Captain Tonys, they don't fuck on Captain Beats, whatever it is. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They got a bean. They got a bean and cheese burrito And they put pico de gallo on that motherfucker Are you kidding me

Are you fucking kidding What you're talking about food You're uncomfortable non-kind of stuff No it's just really kicking in right now Anyway before it kicks in I give a shout out to our sponsors Let's start with my main people Fucking on it

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The best vapor pen in the business. It's usually $50. If you go out. No, Nailed-E-S-E-S. Nailed-L-E-E-E-S. Yeah. Nailed-L-E-L-E-E-S-E-E-E-S. Where's the thing?

You said 806. Okay, Nailedin Life. Where's the vapor pen at? You haven't. Wait, what? I don't know. Let me look. I don't know.

Fuck, Lee. Go to NailVitLife.com. Get 20% off your first order. That means you get $10 off the vapor pen. It's $40, all right? Go to Nail Dent Life. Mention Joey, the church, a dick up your ass. You get 10% off.

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20% off your first order. Hitty Sigs on us tonight. Don't fuck around. All right. That's how we wrote. Tell you wrong, man. That's how I wrote. I'm sick and tired of fucking around with you.

All right, you want to do some animal tranquilis and Gorilla biscuits? We're going to smoke some more brief of Vicky Pazzo? Holy shit. We're going to smoke some more brief of Vicky Packs? Yeah, that sounds like a plan. That'll do. I'm not thinking on tonight, Vicki Packs.

Oh my God, thanks for having me, guys. You already supplied this positive fucking energy. Anything you want to talk about you? Aw. Talk to me about something. I don't know. I was thinking, like, with your surgery, like, I had surgery, and I was thinking about that today

because I was thinking, like, you know, I wonder what kind of shit we'll talk about and I was like I wonder if I should talk about my back because I have fucking metal rods in my back. Oh shit. Yeah like I had major, that's why I'm so impressed with how like you're doing so good right now

because I was, uh, I had surgery when I was like 14 and I was fucked up like for a while I was in the hospital but there's a little trivia. I have metal rods in my spine. Does that surprise you? No, you know, things say, whatever made sure. What happened?

It was a, it was from scoliosis this, you know, like, when they did the test in school. Yeah, we did to lean down. Yeah. Yeah, like, so... You actually had, you look, the first person I ever met who had school, you know? Yeah, it's like they were doing the test just to find me. So, I guess something seemed a little off, but I never had any trouble. Like, I looked normal. I wasn't hunchback or anything. Um, so then they went to x-ray me, and my spine, it was like the shape of an S. It was like the freakiest thing. And I was 14 when it

happened. And it was the freakyest fucking thing. So, um, Yeah, like you were saying how when you're waiting, like when you're anticipating a surgery, that's really worse than like what's going on. What's going on? I had like maybe a month to anticipate this. Like as a 14 year old, I was right about to go into high school. It's terrible. So it was crazy. So initially, like I was good.

I stayed in for a few days. It was like a thin pencil scar. It was, everything was cool. Then all of a sudden, like, I got an infection or something happened. where I needed three more surgeries. I missed, like, the first month and a half of high school. I had to go on an IV. Like, I had an IV.

Like, I had to go into fucking freshman year of high school with an IV in my arm and my medicine in, like, a fanny pack. Oh, shit. Yeah. It was, like, 95. Fanny packs weren't cool anymore. Yeah. I couldn't even play it off.

I couldn't even have, like, a neon pink one. Like, it wasn't 89. It was fucking 95. and I had to fucking roll up all frail, you know but yeah, I'm okay. When you were 14, that's a tough

age to go to the hospital for a few days. Yeah, and it turned out to be like I was there over a month. I was in the hospital for like over a month. It was insane. And initially it was a few days and even the doctor was like, you know you've recovered so quickly.

And then you know what happened? I don't know why I didn't just tell this. Like I was maybe week afterwards. And my back felt itchy. And I thought it was maybe because of the stitches, you know? So I was itching my back, and it was the morning. I'd just woken up.

And I looked at my hand, and it was like, it was red. Oh, no. So I rolled over. You had to roll over, like, a fucking certain way. So I rolled over, and I looked, and it looked like somebody fucking stabbed me. It was like a fucking murder scene. But I have, like, this crazy high-strong New Jersey. Italian Irish mom that I know what am I going to say right now?

I could give people heart attacks right now if I reacted the way I want to react, which is scream, you know. So I laid back down and I real calmly was like, you know, mom, like Johnny, my dad, you know, and I was like, all right, don't freak out. That happened to me. But I'm bleeding profusely from my wound. Oh, gee, that happened to me. The only time I ever had surgery, I had a birthmark on my leg, actually pretty

big and the doctors just wanted to take it off just in case it can't or something and I had, I'm a short dude so I got a lower locker and they didn't tell me that like I was fine and I bent down like on one knee to go to my locker and I heard pop and like it wasn't even that bad like I don't remember

it like nothing like I think they just popped and I had to go get the restitched but I just remember like seeing the blood I was like oh no. It's terrifying because in your head it's like I can't possibly lose this much. Yeah I can't possibly lose Like, I'm going to die any second. But I didn't pass out or anything.

It was still pretty fucking intense. When blood shows up, you always... For a couple minutes, you don't know what it is. One years ago, I was lifting, and I jerked off, and blood came on the magic. I thought it was the fucking end of the world, man. When Fidel, when Fidel was a kid, and he was asleep at us on the bed.

And one night something happened, and he scratched Terry's face in the middle of the night. And it was horrid. It was just horrid. You're waking. up to blood everywhere. You're like, what the hell? She goes, but they'll move.

And scratched the face. I just got up, saw the blood, just laid on the fucking floor. Yeah. With a towel. One time I was working this chick's pussy. Oh. Martini and Rossi wine.

With a blind bottle? With the bottle, the brothers, whatever. Marbles and James? Bottles and James. This chick was a freak. She was at this lake. I'm looking at the pussy. I pulled the panties over and I'm massaged and a little monkey.

And I seen her leg spread, and I took the ball in James, and I'm just playing with that little monkey with the ball. And finally I just start putting the tip in, and the hips are moving, and the pussy's opening up. You know, it starts to open up like a monster. And I'm working that motherfucker, and I'm getting into it now. And she's like, oh, and I'm fingering with this fucking bottle. And finally, she was about to have a period.

So the vacuum, it created, and it just sucked it out. And I'll never forget how it. I heard, like, pop! And also this brown blood, this dark, the kid. Shot out. And I just dropped the blood on the door. I thought I killed her. I thought the bottle broke and I stabbed her.

Oh, shit. She called him to the podcast, that crazy bitch. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, Carol. She called me. And she was, I remember she was telling you she got a, uh, whatever. Carop Carp Carpher tunnel?

From giving hand jobs at work. She's a stripper. Oh, oh, okay. That makes a lot more sense. She's not an insurance. She's getting married now. Again? Yes.

And now she's getting this fucking moron don't know. Like I told her, what do you tell him that you have to go suck a dick with 5,000. She has these boyfriends around the country, like these 60-year-olds. She goes and they put hot fudge on her asshole. She'll call me and say this, oh man, just put hot fudge in my ass, tremendous. And they give it like five grand, and she goes back to Florida like nothing happened. And I go, does he know about your act, corolli activity? She's like, well, what he's going to find out? Once you're time you're going to leave for five days. He's going to watch the kids.

Right, right. I mean, it's hysterical how this girl is a millionaire, and she's still just basically a dirty horn. I love her for it. At least she's honest about it. This girl that's like, oh, I don't fuck. This girl sucks dick and fucks for a hundred a blow job and 200 for a piece of ass at the strip glove. She's a millionaire. She's 46. She's already been stripping for 30 years. At the same time, she's a psychology major. She's got a job at some psych hospital, but she still strips. Let's say she lives in Hollywood. She'll drive to, like, San Diego, the strip. Just because she likes it. She's a

whore. She loves cocks. She loves all that dirty shit it's fucking I start. It's got to be hard to stop making that kind of money once you start. But she's a millionaire already. Right. She married a Hindu that had a heart attack. And he left

the money. She went and bought three fucking curves. And then sold them at the height of curbs. I thought... I thought... Okay. Brought homes in Michigan, Chicago, and Florida. She's got four homes. So she has a job as a regular human being, but two nights a week. She drives two hours to strip where she fucks guys for 200 and sucks their dick for 100.

She once told me she sucked the guy's dick and she ran out of condoms. And she goes, I think I have a cold now. I suck the dick. I mean, it's hysterical. And it's kind of amazing that more girls don't do it. I get that porn might be like you don't want that to get out there because porn is everywhere now. Right. But if I'm, an attractive girl going to a strip club an hour away that no one will ever know about,

and you can make hundreds of thousands of dollars. I'm like, trust me, I don't want, I wouldn't want any one I know to do it, but I'm surprised that, like, that working at a store for $8 an hour? Like, I'm like, when I was 21 and I lived at Aspen, and I was a male, I was saying, if I was a female at 21 and I looked good, I'd fuck for four years, at 21 if you have a hot body and good pussy and you know how to fuck you're getting 500 from old guys

four or five dicks a night that's 2,500 bucks three nights a week is 7,500 bucks that's 30 grand a night you're working three nights a week if you pimp yourself out that way if you get blow jobs on the corner for 20 you'll be sucking dick and getting malaria and all that shit Yeah don't sell yourself short right but if you're 21 and you look good And you've already, when you fuck these little guys,

if they're dizzy and crying and shit, if they start twitching, you got, remember like the chick that came, I know, yeah. Because you're a good fuck. You know, if you like to suck a fucking dick for an hour and do crazy shit, you're sucking some losers dick. You might have to get 500 to suck a good dick.

Three nights a week. You got your regulars. They can take you out the restaurants. You look good. You're polite. You know how to eat? You're not going to have a tattoo on your neck. And, you know, I'll go feed my home even.

girl, no. You're a white girl or a black girl with class. You can make some fucking money. You do that for three years. At 25, you could buy a house, move to Chicago, and tell some guy you were living in Aspen working at a hot dog stand. He would never know the difference. You could put your life behind

you. People do it all the fucking time. It's a smart and investable move. You take care of your pussy. You go to the doctor every week. You get your shots. You work out. You lift. And you know where you're going with this. If you're a woman or man, and you have a plan with You know, there's thousands of girls every year that go, I have a plan.

I could keep working at this restaurant making $150 a night. I could shake my fucking titties somewhere and walk with three bills two nights a week. Yeah. And at the end of five years, nobody knows. I won't date nobody there. I won't drink. I won't do drugs. I won't get caught up in that game.

It's a job. The cash grab. And at the end of my two years, when I make $60,000 and the rest of these dumb whores are living at home, That's the mentality. But you're not going to get into it. Like, you know, you suck a dick. These young girls, that's how they trick you. You ever go to a strip club and you feel bad for them?

Yeah. You feel bad for them. This is their life. They shake and they have the heels and their hairdo. They're stuck there. They're done. They're doomed. That's doomed.

But if you look at it from a certain perspective, it's not a bad fucking career. A man without a plan is not a man, Nietzsche. I like it. Fuck it. I don't know. That's it. I mean, did you ever think about it? I mean, probably.

You seem very nice, but, I mean... I seem very nice. Well, I don't want to offend you, think, like, you should have been in it. But it's just like, I can't imagine it doesn't cost people. Like, when you were being a bartender, you were like, fuck, I work all night for $150, and now I have to give the bar,

the bar back a hundred bucks. Yeah, I was a bartender. I have gone into strip clubs to see if I could bartend there. Oh, okay. And sometimes they would say, we only want dancers, but no. It never, it just never got to that point. But, you know, I did sell pot, you know.

I mean, I guess that's shady. But it's a little, you know, I don't need abs to sell pot. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, there's looking good. And then there's a level that I think you should be to do things like that. And that would require no slurpees, no fucking McDonald's or Coca-Cola exercises to really make that cash. Plus, I got the fucking scoliosis scar on my back. So that's not helping matter.

No, that's a fantasy. After I dance, you could stab me in the neck. Really? Yeah, do what you want. And I used to have, like, mohawks and stuff, so I could have probably maybe been, like, fetishy. You know, that look, like just wear fishnets or something. You have pretty hair. That's a pretty head gun. You got nice eyes. Oh, thanks, thanks. A pretty haircut.

Thank you so much. You know, I had to, listen, once I sold Coke and I did illegal activities, it was tough for me to have a day job. Yeah, because after two days, all at once, yeah. 10 bucks on an arm. To deal with these jerk-offs for eight hours a day, I'm going to go rob. That was my fucking, and it was a mistake. I was young, I was stupid, you know, but I didn't have a plan. If I was a good thief and had a plan and said, I'm going to rob for four years,

I'm going to kidnap nobody, you know. Things will work out. How are you feeling what you're saying? I'm very high now. Are you pretty high? You look good tonight, buddy. I'm happy that you've made this lifestyle change. You're beautiful, man.

I can't have you. You get sick. No, yeah. We were talking about it on the way down there. Have you ever seen... I know girls get it too, but I've seen the guys who their ankles are like purple and their legs start running away. I think it's from diabetes. It just freaked me out.

Oh, maybe... Like, vein or bruise-looking things? Well, bruisey, but then the worst part, like the skin starts dying and it's creepy as far. Oh, God. So, yeah, that's what I'm doing it. But I'm trying... Oh, quickly, if you want a flying G-shirt and I put a coupon up there, so if you use coupon code, Jume-down, at leastide.com, You get 10% off.

Very clever, Lisa. I like it. Anything you like to push, my love? Besides your beautiful smile. Please listen to the naughty show and all things,com. But if you're in L.A. or you want to come to L.A., go to the L.A. podcast festival

September 26th through the 28th, but we're on the 26th. So make sure you're there for that. Lee will be there. I'll have to go. Yeah, Lee will be there. It's a great week, people. A great week of fun. We're going to do a podcast Monday at lunchtime.

Because there's no sense of getting up at 6. We got fucking, maybe we'll do it at 9 to get out of the way. So we will be on Monday morning for Labor Day. If you're lonely, you ain't got no family. Nobody invites you to a barbecue. You got us. I'm lonely too. I'm not going to have nowhere to go eat on Monday.

And we'll have an early one Monday and a late one Wednesday. So thank you very much for supporting the church. I'm going to be in the Bray Improv, September 8th, until the 20th. And that's New York Gotham Comedy Club, the 20th. and 27th of September. That's it. So come on out, support. Have a great time. Jump up and down. And that's it. Lees-Lis and stay here

and go to the podcast festival. I don't feel bad, and I'll represent with his flying juice shut up. So I bring some animals. But I love you guys. It's a dream. Fucking go for it. Cut this shit. We love you. Stay Black. Vicky Pazet. Throwing a kiss. Oh, shit. Lee Syat. Throw him a kiss.

There you go. Read those fucking ads. Cousica. None of the show's over. Remember to go to naturebox.com and order great tasting healthy snacks at 50% off. Snacks smarter with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and bake sweet potato fries.

Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com promo code Joey. The show is also sponsored by Onit.com. Go there and use code word church to get 10% off of your order on stuff like AlvBrain, new moods,

stuff like that. The show is also sponsored by hit ess.com. The proof is in the ESIG, longer lasting, better tasting. Use code word Joey's church to get 20% off your order and to our best friends up in Northern California.

NailedItLife.com for all the oil and wax smokers out there and they have t-shirts and other stuff like that. Go there to get the 20% off of the best favorite pin on the market and just mention Joey Diaz. And to all my Jersey brothers, me and Vicki Peasant. Yes.

Send you our love. We love you, motherfuckers. This is a Jersey. It's a Jersey state of mind type podcast. Fuck weddings. Fuck all that nonsense and you're bullshit. Oh yeah. You get married at the VFW and that's it. And if you're not going to do that, go fuck yourself.

Have a great weekend. Kick it, Lee.