The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #208 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

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Let's get this motherfucking party started, cockduckers. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here. It's Thursday to 20 Whatever the fuck it is I don't even know anymore You know this in the last couple For years we did them on Mondays

And Wednesdays But you know what It's time to shake things up a little bit I think we want to keep fucking Thursdays It's better for my schedule I'm happier Mike is happy We don't have to rush back in here

Two days later And come up with shit to talk about And I just feel a lot better doing it It's been a great week so far I went to Princeton Longevity Center if you have a parent or a grandparent that is kind of fucked up like me and you want to get to the bottom of what's going on with that motherfucker,

send them to Princeton Longevity Center. All jokes aside, the doctors were great. It's like a fucking all-day camp of everything is about you. You go in there. First thing they do, they don't even talk. They hit you with a COVID test. Then they hit you with a fucking, they take out like 18, of blood, I did not pass out.

And then from there, you go to a fucking other room, and they stick a whatever in you, an intravenous thing. And then they put ink in you, and they do your fucking heart. Then from there, they put you on another table, and they measure your bone density and all this shit. Then from there, they put you in another fucking table, and they screen your whole body, a full body fucking screen. Then you go into the room and you eat your little snack.

They had some shit to heap, but Papa brought a grilled cheese with avocados. You got to keep that saturated fact good I brought a little fucking Coke Zero And then you go back again And now you sit with the doctor And he fucking talks to you about everything I had to bring a sheet of fucking paper With everything that was wrong

Fungi toenail My dick smells funny You know fucking itchiness Rashes I brought every fucking thing I could possibly in there You sit with this motherfucker for two hours When was the last time you sat with your fucking doctor for two hours.

Go ahead, I'll wait. Never. Two fucking hours. He went over everything, a hernia. We closed up with the finger in the ass. Now, let me tell you something. I usually don't like the finger in the ass,

but it's been four years, and when you guys get older, you'll worry about the finger in the ass. On top of that, I chew fucking tobacco, and I smoke reefer. So I piss a lot. So I thought there was something wrong with my PSA and my fucking colon.

Bam! That motherfucker stuck the finger in there while I was in there. He goes, everything feels all right. here. He popped that finger out one of those things when he pulled it out with the... Let me tell you someone, when you got a finger in the ass from the doctor,

he puts a glove on. So right away, you're like, is this fucking Judas Priest's hand? Is this a singer from Judas Priest? It's like a little night tax glove. And then they put like a gay sperm on your finger that don't work. Like, it's like a lube. Yeah, it's like, no, it's not Vaseline. It's like

a real lube. And when they put it in your ass, you actually hear the lube go like you hear that. Trust me, The first time, I got a finger in the ass. I had to cancel all appointments for the rest of the day. It was mind-boggling because he was rubbing my back, and he just fucking put it in there without telling me, and it just fucking spiked me.

Like, do you ever see the eight in trading places when the guy fucks, when the eight fucks the fucking guy in the ass, and his eyes open up with the eight soup? It was just like that. I almost fucking fell off the fucking table. That time, I had to cancel everything, and go home and sleep for six hours from heartbreak and fucking, you know, depression.

Because when you got a finger stuck up your ass and it comes out of nowhere, it fucks with your head. But yesterday's finger in the ass, let me tell you something. I believe everything starts with the mind. You got to see it before it happens and all that shit. I think the same thing happens

when you go for a fucking, a random check on your ass. And I'll tell you why. Because I got the call like Thursday I was going to go. And by Friday, I started having like, I started to feel, I took the protein pot. I doubled up on the fiber. By Sunday I felt really bloated. Monday I couldn't even fucking eat dinner. I had a bowl of soup for fucking Monday night dinner.

Tuesday when I went in there I took a little shit in the morning just like a little one. It looked like a little fucking cat shit. But let me tell you something. After that doctor stuck the finger at my ass, it was like Moses's finger. When he popped out of my ass and he goes, everything feels all right in there. He goes, you get dressed now. I go, Doc, we're not even getting dressed. We're going straight to the fucking bathroom. I went to the bathroom, and my ass opened up like that fucking rivermosis parted. I must have had eight pounds of shit in there. And the last piece that came out of my ass stood up. It just stood there.

I went to wipe my ass and I bumped into it. My finger had to get up and wipe my head. And beat that fucking stick down the goddamn toilet. So it was a great day, guys. That's what I'm trying to say. Then they put you in a fucking visual thing after that. Then they test your fucking hearing after that. Then they fucking take you to a gym.

There's a gym in the facility, and they stretch you, they test your arms, they fuck in your chest, you lift some weights, they put you on a fucking stress test, they do the whole thing. And then the guy gives you like a pseudo workout, and then at the end of everything, you go back in, you see the doctor for another fucking hour, and he tells you what you need to do. He gives me prescriptions. I got to take an echocardiogram. I got to take a few shots of monococlemonium shot so I don't get a flu for old people. I got to take the other fucking shot I got a prescription for some cholesterol shit even though my cholesterol was not bad

he says he could use it to work him on my knee arthritis and it'll take away the knee arthritis a little bit so hey it was a winning day for everybody but I gotta tell you something I almost didn't go guys you know I'm a fucking pussy I woke up

the car was picking me up the Uber was picking me up at 730 do you know what time I was awake at 4.30 a.m. sitting there you couldn't drink coffee I couldn't chew nicotine gum All I could do is sit there And drink fucking water

By 6.30 I'm like, man I'm gonna cancel this Because I'm never gonna make it To fucking 8.30 I'm never and it's a 40 minute drive I'm never gonna make it But I said you know what I'm gonna go in there try my best

She took out I don't know how many fucking tubes of blood And It felt fucking tremendous I didn't faint I didn't break a fucking sweat I had Die Hard to Hunter on on fucking my phone.

I always used to have Santana. That was my fucking official blood drawing fucking song. But my iPod went fucking dead. So I got this, I got Pyromania on my phone. I got a couple ACDC albums. I think I even got a U2 album on my phone.

That's it. So I played fucking Die Hard to Hunter. And what's the other jam that they got after Die Hard to Hunter? Not too late for love, but stage fright. That's a great fucking jam. And that was it I'll tell you what, man, when I walked out of there,

I felt 100% better. Like the shit I was worried about, my lungs, the fucking asshole, or all that stuff I was worried about. I'm good. I'm good. I thought I had cancer.

You know, when I went in there, they found the kidney stone, but it's a very small, small, small one. He doesn't want me to worry about. There was a little plaque,

a little bit of plaque in my leg, a little bit of plaque towards my heart. That's what the thing is for. But guess what? we get to live another day, guys. I got to lose a little weight. And he said, my diet is great. All my numbers were fucking great.

Like on the blood test, it looked a lot better that I would anticipate. Like I said, 30 years ago, I wouldn't give a fuck about any of this. But now I got somebody else to think of it. So you do what we do, and we try our artist. If it means not just drinking soda and eat more fruit and having a salad of the day, I guess that's the route. We're going to have to go until we fucking, you know, like I said, out there, guys, 60 is not an age

that you should be concerned anymore. It's guys, take a look at Tommy Lee and 20 other guys that are fucking 60 and they're living a life, guys. I mean, look at these musicians. They're going out in the road. 20 years ago, you never saw a fucking musician

over 70 really go out. Yeah, like George Burns with the comedy who was old, but Tony Bennett fucking picked it up. He's like 95, you know. Mick Jagger, some of these guys is 78 and a still fucking tour and I think Roger Waters

so guys you gotta love all this shit on another note I ended therapy on Monday like I told you guys it was after a year and a half you know man I feel so fucking hypocritical

talking to you guys about this because I don't know for years I was very hard-headed and I felt like if you went to therapy it meant you were weak like I that's why I really had a hard time all the time.

When I was younger, I was in a halfway house. They tried therapy on me, and I'd just get into arguments with this lady because it was like she wanted to pick a scab. Like, that's going to help you in any way. And then when I went to prison, I was like therapy groups, and I could deal with those, you know, 45 minutes, you either talk, you listen, you learn something either way. But when it's just you and a psychiatrist, I don't know, it gave me the wrong, I don't know, it just didn't feel right for me.

I always said that if you have good friends, you don't need a fucking psychiatrist. But when I got off the fucking plane, I just didn't feel good. You know, it went on for a few months. And then I realized what was bothering me, and I took some therapy to help me chat it out. And there were so many things I thought I wanted to do with therapy,

so many answers I thought I got. And after a year, I got to tell you the answer I did get. I mean, the reason why I called the therapist in the first place was because I had spoken to a couple of my friends. And at that time, I was a little fucking off on the comedy. And I couldn't understand how a person could put 30 years into something, love something as much as I did. Be out every night by 7.30 at night because they couldn't wait to burn down a fucking stage. And now, you know, I'm here. and I don't want to do

every night I would always check my sneakers and say well do I want to go out tonight? Not really. I guess I'm going to watch TV and smoke some pot and that lasted a year and a half

before I had any inclination at all of doing stand-up but the reason why I got back to stand-up was because of this therapist that I was speaking to Dana we just went back and forth about it and she made me do homework on it as bad as the sounds

and I went back to stand-up through her to see what I felt. She goes, let's give it a fucking test. Let's see how you feel. If you don't feel good, just never go again. And now I'm to the point, Aaron Berg is down at the, uh, Uncle Vinnie's tonight. I'm thinking of going down there and seeing him. You know, I can't take a date anywhere in Jersey until my Philadelphia date gets done. So I just could do little workout. So that's why I haven't booked anything at Uncle Vinny's, not because I won't go down there. So Aaron Berg's down there,

the guys from Cobra Chi down there next week Brennerts and the Arab guy did fucking that show with him not not I didn't do Cobra Cuy with him I did another show where I played the Meatball King with him I forget what the name of that show for Disney X-XXA

but no she we set up a deal her and I and she's like I just want you to go and do 10 minutes just to see how it feels and her and I walked hand through hand with this I didn't tell you guys but in my mind this what we were doing and I would check with her

those eight weeks I talked to her every fucking Monday and we would go over my plan for the week I'm gonna go on Thursday how did you feel last week and guys this is I had to go back to basics

because I was going there just to pick up a check all I cared about was Saturday night when the promoter handed me a check I didn't care about really being there all I was going there

was for the money and I didn't like it I did comedy I did comedy for free for fucking 20 years for free I would pop up and do a set 20 minutes so money was never the thing I always knew the money would come

but somewhere along the line when things started getting busy and the comedy took off guys from like 2016 2017 I was writing I was trying to be the best comedian I can but I got to be honestly I wasn't enjoying it

I don't know why some people I enjoy the struggle I always have you know it got too easy I was getting audiences that were coming to see me I could say whatever I want and get a laugh so it just seemed a little off and that's why when I shot my special for Netflix that fucking thing was off because I knew that I couldn't go to the comedy store they were going to laugh no matter what if I went to the comedy store and just got up there and hit myself in the head with a yellow page they would laugh for fucking 15 minutes that's how that place was mentally programmed so I'd

started taking chances and going down to the laugh factory in Long Beach. The problem with the Laugh Factory in Long Beach is that nobody laughs at nobody down there. Those people going there for free. They just sit there waiting for a free drinking shit. And I would go to Flappers in Burbank and they have a little bit more, I don't know, younger, Burbank, yuppie crowd. So my sets wouldn't be good in there. In fact, whenever I go in there, I'd definitely walk through people.

If there was 30 in Burbank, I'd walk through people. and I'd always hear two or three, you know, like, oh my God, did he really just say that? I'm like, yeah, I said that. But I didn't enjoy doing that no more. I didn't enjoy, listen, I enjoyed the planes. You know, I loved the airports and shit.

I loved the towns I was going to. But the whole stand-up thing was just, it wasn't working for me at the time, so I wanted to give it a breather. That's why I was so fucking excited when this residency opened up in New York City because it was a six-month residency. That's it, no more, no less.

And again, we covered it. We go, we're going to do all fucking six months. You're going to do Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, and then I want you to sit, take a month off, and I want you to really fucking evaluate what you felt. And that's fair with me. That's tremendous with me. We never talked about a movie coming up.

We never talked about TV. This whole thing was how I could be better, adapt, and be a better comedian. if I wanted to go that route. And so far, I'm having a good time in New York. It's fun. The drives are fun. Seeing Mike and everybody down the green room is fucking great.

Do I want to do it every weekend? No. But I enjoyed doing it. The one, you know, Wednesday. The next one's on a Wednesday, the one day the month. That's what I really enjoyed. But I got to tell you what, that came out of it. That came out of us working like a team.

And that was perfect, you know, and I really enjoyed. That's what we did. That's all we discussed. There was nothing else that was really bothering me. I could sit here and tell you, this is bothering me. Nothing was bothering me. I just wanted to get to the bottom of why I was feeling how I was about stand-up comedy. But then I read something when I did the last ad on Monday.

I read a very interesting line that pitch. You know, they alternate pitches. And this line has always been fucking. And it's always made me raise my eyebrow that sometimes you can fix that on a problem for so long that you don't take the time to find the solution. You know, I thought about that line and what they meant by that. I had a little situation a couple nights ago. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, one of the parents and his wife, and I was talking about a situation. just in L.A., something that had happened

that the guy never fucking, didn't have the balls to talk to us anymore. He fucked up, but he decided just to, and he told my wife, just like we were talking about it, I don't know, a couple weeks ago, and he told my wife at the last practice. He goes, you know, I've been watching Joey, and I dig Joey, but I think Joey has a little PTSD

from L.A. he told my wife I thought about it and I'm like she goes Are you upset? I go Not at all I go

Holy fuck That seems about right Oh my God How can the outside I come up with The answer I was looking for I knew I've been a little upset at times Not angry or really upset

But just like What the fuck was that When he said that to me I fucking called him I'm like, hey man, that is the most brilliant thing anybody has said about me. I go, what made you say that? And he goes, Joey, we go to dinners, we take the kids to fucking ice cream, we play softball together with the kids.

And he goes, I got to tell you something. Me and my wife admire you because you're so old school. You stick to your values. This is what you want to do, you know. And the people that you admire, the people, how you treat people and how they treat you, around and how you admire people in that way. He goes, that's a very old school thing. And people don't do that no more.

And it fucking, it hit me in the head like, Jesus Christ, this guy got me figured out. And I'd tell you what I thought back to. I thought back to when the night Rogan called me. The pandemic was in full fucking force. I hadn't seen him in fucking months, you know. It wasn't until like July or June when I did the podcast. and it was very uncomfortable, you know, with the fucking COVID, I was nervous.

But I'll never forget that we spoke like two months after that. It had to be like July. And he called me up one night. It had to be 11 o'clock. And he goes, Joe, you got a minute. He goes, I'm moving to Austin. And I'd like to buy you and Brian a house and get our lives together down here and do all this shit. He wanted to open up a club.

And he had great ideas. And, you know, I love Joe. I love Joe. And if it would have been any other time in my life, there would have been no hesitation. He got $200, $200,000 from fucking Spotify. He offered me a little fucking chateau in Austin and shit, raising ducks, whatever the fuck it was. I'm like, this sounds perfect. This would have sounded perfect 10 years ago.

But I go, no, I'm going home. I use those exact words. I'm going home. And he's like, what the fuck do you want to do that? I'm like, bro, I just got to go home for a while. You know, I really just got to go home. And he kept saying, why? Why?

Why? And my answer at the time was, we got this COVID, we got shit going on. We don't know where we're going. And I think that it's hard enough being out here by yourself with no family. It was just three of us, Steve Simone, Lee, Eric Rocha, DiAgostino. You know, it was, it's not a time to be out here dicking around without family and without Now you guys will say to me, well, you consider Joe your family, you consider Bert and all those guys, my family. They're my family.

And I loved them dearly to those guys. And I love Felicia, who's going to be at the show next Wednesday. I love George Perez who will also be at the show next Wednesday. I love these guys. And that in no way was I disrespecting them. But I tell you what my big problem was. My, me saying I wanted to go home was another word. for me to go, I wanted to be around my people.

I wanted to be, it has been, you know, 23 in L.A., two in Seattle, and fucking 12 in Boulder, and Aspen, in Colorado, in prison. I've had enough. I've had enough. For 30 years, I've been sucking in other ideals and learning. Learning, honest to God, you learn. You can't be a fucking gorilla in live in Aspen. and you can't be a gorilla and live in Boulder,

don't throw you in jail like they did to me. And it teaches you not to be a little soft out or be more compassionate with people. And then you go to a place like Seattle where it rains every day and they're still upset about fucking Nirvana. And, you know, we don't know what we're going to do without Chris Cornell or whatever.

Or, you know, Nirvana or whatever. And that was a complete different head. And I imposed my will. the best I could, you know, to fucking make it happen. But at the same time, you're not home. You're not around your people, you know. And I'm not talking about you-hoo's or slice of stupid fucking pizza or some potato chips. That's superficial shit.

I was looking to get back to normal. I just wanted my life. I didn't want to think about that stupid shit no more. A movie, a spot. I got to take a plane. was over with, but I think what pissed me off the most was just the people. I was done. I was not used to what I had been around for the last 20 years. I got to be honest to you. I sit back now and I won't tell you who, but there's 15 people that I left in LA that I was friends with that

under any other circumstances, any part of my life, I would never be friends with these people. Like I would have never allowed them in my house 20 years ago. Not. Never, not never. I mean, I did not want these fucking people around. And when I got here, our lives fucking ended. Those people that I'm talking about do not contact me at all. That was, it's crazy. Listen, I talk to Theo.

Burke calls from time to time. Tom calls from time to time. Bill, you know, these are all great guys. but then again I always felt like an outsider there I always felt kind of alone because you know I always had to explain

my fucking my whatever I did something because I was fucking pissed off I always had to explain why I had done it do you not understand are we not looking at the same fucking thing here are we not looking at the same fucking thing here

you know for fucking eight years I went on the road with Joe Rogan I can tell you, honest to God, let's just stay conservatively from 98 to 2007. Until Joe went on the Maxim tour and he met Tom and Eddie Murphy's brother, I was on the road with Joe constantly. I dedicated. I didn't care. He took care of me.

He nourished the funny. And he was great to work with. He was my dog. I didn't care what date. I didn't care where it was. I'm coming. But every fucking time we landed in a city to my. My mother's fucking grave to my daughter's eyes.

I'll swear on a fucking stack of Bibles. Every fucking city, every fucking weekend. I'm trying to get Ari on here next weekend to promote his new CD that's coming out in the second. And I'll run it by Ari. There wasn't a fucking weekend. We didn't go away where somebody came up to Joe and go, hi. Or a manager at a club or another comic would bring that comic over to Joe and go, Joe, this guy wants to tell me his story.

What's the story? about a year ago I was an emcee and Carlos put me on stage and I did a joke about plumbing and a year later I saw it on Carlos HBO special or something to that effect we heard that same story

every fucking weekend when we went out every fucking weekend when we went out we heard some motherfucker come over to us and the stories were real they were true these people were not making these stories up And it was always a feature act, an MC act.

It was always something like that. And I'm not saying nothing bad about anybody. I'm just telling you what we fucking witnessed, okay? Every weekend. I still remember being in Miami. A comic down there got robbed. We went to Columbus, a comic there got robbed. It was constant, okay?

Then in 2000, you know, now they were talking about him at the store, he was doing shit at the store. Like he did a Christmas fucking show, Carlos. and he hired four comics, and the show started at 8, and the first comic didn't go on stage until 11.30. Carlos stayed up there for three and a half hours. You know, it was just things that you do as a shitty fucking comic,

a shitty person, and I have nothing against Carlos. I'm just trying to make a point here. I don't. I don't have nothing against Carlos. This is history, so you guys can learn from this. And then we got back to L.A. And, you know, every other weekend, every other fucking club, the comedy magic club, whatever,

you would hear it again. Carlos stole my joke. It was like he stole everybody's fucking joke. And then he was causing havoc at the store. And then he robbed Ari's fucking joke about the immigration, the war. Okay. So now you guys all saw that fucking tape, okay? He went up there on a Saturday night, took the mic from him,

whatever the fuck happened. I wasn't there. But listen to the applause from the comics in the back. Listen to the audience. Listen to all that shit. people I mean you know

it's like right now people bitch about Biden Biden Biden Biden Biden's no good Biden's no good we can't wait We can't wait And then we got some Chinese president

And you guys start bitching You know you got rid of Biden I mean what the fuck do you It's people are never satisfied So what happened a week After that went down After a week Of for eight years

People coming up to Joe Rogan Not just me Not you know In front of the way to me. That was 22 more. Rogan got labeled as like a bad guy. He got thrown out of the store. His agency left him.

And after about a week, comics were like, there was supposed to be a boycott at the comedy store. Mitchie Shaw called and said, whoever boycots me is out of the store. The boycott was ended. Nobody fought for Joe Rogan. Nobody did nothing. Let me tell you something. I paid attention to that. That irked me for fucking years.

That was one of the reasons I stopped going to the store. That was one of the reasons why I got away from comics. I said, if they do that to him, what will they do to me? So for eight years, this poor kid, everybody went to him, every weekend. And when I have Ari on here, we'll go over this. Every weekend, they went after Joe with Carlos, fell my bit. Carlos, I'm in therapy now. You know, it was every fucking weekend.

So finally, the guy sticks up for everybody, and everybody just walked away from him. He got thrown out of him. He got banned from the store. And that's why I said, I don't need to go down there anymore. This is the fucking commentate. Let's go to fucking 10 years later. I'm not at the store no more. But every weekend, I keep hearing about this fucking dumb-ass fucking comedian

that keeps doing stupid shit up at the store. Dumb-ass motherfucker. We don't need to mention his name. Why give him the fucking satisfaction? Dumb motherfucker. Goes down there, he's laying claims. He's bumping people. He's calling the booker who can't go up.

Before me, just shit that you wouldn't get away with. That only a shitty human being would do to other comics who you considered your friends. That's why today the guy has no fucking friends. Because he shit on every one of his friends. He's out there living in Vegas by himself. Who gives a fuck? But this guy would always cause havoc and every week I would fucking hear something. Or every two weeks, this motherfucker did this.

First off, he went at me one night. And I was all coaked up with the talent coordinator. and I didn't know what they were talking about so before I lost my fucking cocaine and had to go to jail, I let it slide. It's not until I got sober that I went down and the next day and I go, what the fuck were you motherfuckers talking about? And that's what I realized

what they were trying to do and I said, you know what? I don't need this in my life no more. Ten years later, I go back to the store and he's down there fucking laying claims again. I don't say nothing to the guy until one night I hear that he's calling the fucking phone booth telling him what to put Joe up, to let him

go up before Joe because all Who does that? Who fucking does that? It's like, dog, I haven't laughed harder in years, but this is how fucked up the world is, okay? So Markey Warburg made a video on Instagram because he was supposed to go to a gym in North Carolina, some bum-fucked place at 3.30 in the morning

and there was nobody there to greet him. So he made a video and it became a Yahoo story because Markey Warburg wanted to work out on a Saturday. night or whatever fucking was at 3.30 in the morning and he made an appointment and nobody was there. He made a fuck. Are you fucking kidding me? Go do jumping jacks, you stupid motherfucker. I know you're cat, but go run. Go do something. You're going to make a video and shit out of fucking gym because you want to lift weights at 3 in the fucking morning. Go fuck yourself. You're a millionaire. Go to the hotel like everybody else. Do curls. Swimming the pool.

I don't give a fuck. But this is where we've gotten to. This is the mind of the celebrity. I'm here standing here, and I like Marky Warburg. I love his movies. I used to see him at church. I saw him at cryotherapy. You know, I'm here at 3.30 in the morning, and I want somebody to open up the gym. Go fuck yourself. I wouldn't get.

If you called me and said, Marky Warburg is going to the gym at 3.30. You need to be down there. Listen, I don't care if Jesus was coming with a band, 3.30 in the morning. Come at 7 like everybody else. 3.30 in the fucking morning. Oh, Jesus Christ. But if they can't be different, I don't work out in the morning. afternoon.

I work on it three days. Okay. So that's what these motherfuckers at. So back to the story. I get back to the store. This guy still caused the fucking havoc. Now he's angry because we're down there. He's talking behind our back. He's talking

shit on the comedians. And one day asked him what the fuck was up. Joe asked me how come the store was better on the podcast and I laid it on him. Because that motherfucker don't go down there no more. He's a punk ass bitch. And all hell broke. loose and I went after the guy online fuck you his wife got involved

calling me fucking names I called her a fucking cunt and the next thing you know everybody's happy people come up to me that's the way to go after him thank you man that guy was a dick and a week later I'm hearing from fucking young comics man that was wrong how you did

that even one of the guys that was telling me like inside information about him came to me he's like man and I never forget what I said to man, I can't believe you're a little rough on them. I go, if you would have had balls to do it, I wouldn't have been in that position.

I wouldn't have been in that position. But even that whole calling out thing or whatever, I stuck with Joe, man. Joe got thrown out of there? I don't need to be down there. These are things that people from home do, not people from, that's the mentality. That's how, all for one and one for all.

Who's your best friend? Not the guy who's talking shit about you. the guy that's sitting next to you in the fucking cell. That's your best friend. When I look up, he's sitting next year. He took a fucking chance, too. He didn't give a fuck about anything. And this is, like that day when they said that to me,

like, ah, you were a little fucking heavy on them. Well, if you would have done your job, I wouldn't have been here. But all you motherfuckers wait to somebody to do your job, and then you condemn them. I was sick of all that shit. I was sick of every time you, you know, from the fucking Carl's Jr. commercial.

When I had to go out that director. Wait, that's the first time that happened to me. That used to happen to me every fucking week with people who would have an uppity hand. Like, they think they're uppity. They're better than you. Oh, my God. We just came from eating hummus pancakes.

Wait a second. Wait a second. You just can't eat hummus with chips. You're eating hummus fucking pancakes. So when I said I wanted to go home, it didn't necessarily mean that I wanted to come back to Jersey and jump up and down with these Yahoo's and meant that I wanted to get together with people.

that looked at life the same way I looked at it, that wouldn't sell their soul for a fucking commercial or for an Instagram post or that shit gets old, guys. That's all I wanted to do. So that line in fucking on the better out thing really fucking blew my fucking mind when it all came to fruition. I'm not pushing therapy today. I'm just telling you what worked for me

and I'm telling you what I got out of therapy after a year and a half. that I needed to come home. I needed to think the way I used to think without people saying to me, that's the wrong way to think. You shouldn't have said that. You should have said that. No, you have to say it.

This guy's a fucking jerk off. These people are out of their fucking mind. So I'm happy that I came full circle with the therapy. I'm very happy that I'm at the place I'm at. I got four more shows left per Dena's instruction. and then we're going to reevaluate. She gave me her number. She gave me her email if I ever run into a spot.

You know, it just worked out great for me. And I'm apologizing because for years, I came on a podcast with Lee and sometimes with Mike and sometimes with Felicia. And I didn't put down therapy, but I wasn't very optimistic about it. I think I went into it not knowing what I was going to get. I got the answer what I wanted, but I also got the whole motivation of what got me back here. I wasn't, you know, whenever I say L.A. or the Hollywood scene, I am not condemning people or the clubs or the restaurants I went to.

I had some good friends in L.A. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the mindset that is L.A. when you're in the entertainment business. I learned something else last week that I want to apologize for. Listen, man, I've said some crazy shit in my time. And God knows what motivated it. God knows. You know, God knows. You know, God knows. You know, something happened early in the day, something happened two weeks ago, something happened four years ago. You know, I've never been put on meds to control who I am or what I am. I do take anxiety medication to help me feel better, to help me not fucking sweat bullets every day. And it's worked along with the therapy, my working out, my fucking work with my doing movies, being a parent, I got it all to work for me.

From time to time I say shit on the podcast that I look at the initial. but then more shit happens and I don't look at you know what's that expression you won the war but you lost a battle or you lost a battle but you won the war you know a couple weeks ago I came on here and I said what I felt that that Kanye West guy

was he just stopped taking his fucking meds guys either that mixed with wanting to get attention mixed with just wanting to be heard and common retardation God knows what he was saying and I I tried to just, you know, calm it down a little bit. Like, and he doesn't need for me to calm it down.

I just try to lay it down in my terms. The guy's got mental health issues. You know, I noticed that all the Jewish people in California went up in arms and not one Jew in Jersey said something. You know what I'm saying? We're tough Jews down here. But Jay Millie Curtis, her father was Spanish. Her father was Jewish and she was crying for two days, you know.

So that's, when I read that shit, that shit bothers me. Because really, you were crying for two days. but Kanye West is fucking, but everybody has a different fucking, whatever. Then I thought about, I spoke to a friend of mine, some things happened,

I guess that, you know, he said stuff. And all of a sudden, last week in LA, and I've heard this from a few people, that all these anti-Nazi groups and all these fucking hate groups

started coming out on the 405 and the 10, and that, passing out fucking they're passing out flyers and Beverly Hills you know you know guys again

I don't know what's going on the political arena and I don't care I just deal with people how they treat me on a daily basis you know I have a lot of Jewish friends and I don't

the statements I made about Kanye one of them calling me and he goes Joey I didn't get mad at you but Jesus Christ you're letting them go off with the retardation card I go listen man

the world is not in good shape right now. I don't know why he made those statements. But whatever the fuck, you know, just we're going to be fine. You know, it doesn't fucking matter. But, you know, I learned something. I called, one of my buddies from L.A.

called me and I go, can you believe? CAA canceled, you know, got rid of Kanye. This is like yesterday other day before. And he goes, Joey the hat. He goes, even CAA, who's, you know, they're the top agency in the world. They gave him like a week. they gave him like a week

they didn't cut him when he made the first Jewish remarks they didn't they gave him like a week they said you know he's off his meds or whatever I tell you what made them cut him the hate that all of a sudden arose in Beverly Hills and in California not California as a whole but in Hollywood the hate that came on

and the freeways and the passing of flyers and people are saying shit to people but he also told me a story about the mayoral race in L.A. That one of the guys is Jewish. I mean, it's just, and you know what I learned? I learned that now, listen, I sit there every night just like you guys and I watch some sort of news.

Maybe it's like Channel 12, the local Jersey thing for the weather. And for the last year, they've been talking about the capital rides, right? January 6th, January 6, January 6, January 6. And I'm sitting there, and right when I was, I understood, when I got the thing about, about Kanye, I was thinking about it. And I saw the thing about January 6th, and it fucking hit me. It fucking hit me like, listen. I grew up just like you guys, watching TV, watching the news,

listening to them, watching movies, listen to music. I never, like, I don't know. I looked up to like Bruce Lee and Charles Bronson, but if these guys came on Twitter or social media and said, jump off a bridge, I don't think me and my friends would have jumped off a bridge as much as we liked Bruce Lee. You know what I'm saying? Like at that age,

at the age of 10 when he died, I don't think so. You know, when you're a high profile person, i.e. Kanye, i.e. Trump.

I. Even Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan is the king of this. When you say things, they're not perceived of like when Mike says something. And when I say something. The following is so. big that you got to assume the following is that big that half of them are off their fucking

rocker and they'll do whatever the fuck you're talking about you know with conier i saw that he got all these people fucking fired the fuck up not two or three people not michael rapporte or you know oh fucking how it's turned i'm talking this guy got people on the streets fired up it's you know he got people in these cities fired up at least l.a i'm not talking about about cities plural city at least LA fired up well now I understand what happened when Trump when he went off on the sixth or the fifth or whatever and people went down there you know people went down there now I understand when these fucking people went after Joe with the misinformation stuff because whether it was right or was wrong people were fucking

gonna do it anyway when when fucking Trump said to shoot bleach remember during the pandemic he said to drink bleach and like 80 fucking people turned up in emergency rooms with fucking a bottle of bleach hey my fucking throat don't work no more you're like

what the fuck that was just a fucking thing he said not to do it you know and people fucking did it so it's scary that when somebody in a high profile like the fucking you know a lot of people don't have that

Like if Jimmy Kimmel was to say something, nobody would give a fuck. But Trump, Kanye, Rogan, you know, I'm not mad at Joe for anything. I love what Joe was doing. But I understand now why people were scared, which they shouldn't have been scared of at all. He was given the best information that he had at the time. It's just fucking weird how people, you know, Pink Floyd wrote that album, Animals, as part of a book that George Orwell wrote or something. something like that. I have to look it up.

I think it's Animal Farm and George Orwell. And guys, if you listen to the lyrics to sheep, we are falling right into what they said on the album animals. I had album, I was on the other night. I was just making notes. I was writing some type of stupid joke. And I'm like, these people are saying what people today are becoming.

We're the sheep, dogs, or fucking pigs. You know, when I see these politicians arguing every day, you know, these, why are people arguing on podcast guys? What are all these podcasts just fighting about? This ain't biggie fucking Tupac no more. The same East Coast. It's just the world's going to a fucked up place, but it's always great to learn and say, wow, that's why these things happen. I had a great week this week as far as I'm concerned. I learned about two things.

I learned about myself and I learned about how, yeah, you have to be a little fucking careful with your words when people look at you in that. Listen, I've never had people look at me like that and I don't want people to fucking do what I say. I just throw you an idea and if it works for you, you work for you. If it doesn't, I fucking get it.

I don't know nothing about nothing. I'm a fucking ex-felon. I'm a high school fucking dropout and I have a hard time waking up in the morning. But I did do a lot of good things with my life, and I'm really happy about that. I'm happy that I went to a therapist and I ate my words, and I'm happy that I'm here, fucking drug-free, drama-free, smoking some reefer. Listen, man, I took fucking two. I haven't taken those mushrooms since the weekend.

The sillies that I love, I took three of them last night and 400 milligrams of ABX edibles. Let me tell you something. I laid down last night. It was tremendous because I don't know if my cat. knew that I was on mushrooms. I think she fucking did these cats and geniuses because I'm laying there last night. Now, she crawls on me this way.

I'm me. So she's on my side. Usually I pop my left hand up and I scratch her nose with it. And since she's here, I can't reach around to scratch her back. So what I do is I slide my hand down so she slides into this pocket right here

at the edge of the bed and I could scratch her. We could both be comfortable. But she's scared. She thinks I'm going to grab her and give her a bunch of kisses. So every time she slides, she puts her fucking brakes on with her nails, and she flies on the other side, and then she'll stand and let me pet her. But if she's sleeping and I lay her, and I pet her sides,

her belly is so soft, the hair and shit, she loves it. And then I can scratch her neck from underneath with my long hand, and she goes fucking apes, and nose leaks. She sneezes and shit. Fucking tremendous. Last night, I tried to lure her in there, and she left. She went and got something to eat, and I'm about to fall asleep. The mushrooms are fucking kicking them.

I got a thousand different thoughts on my coconut. And all of a sudden, herself, she came over and slid there. I was in shock, so I got to scratch her sides, her face, whatever. And then at her fucking cold, she just popped up and got on me and sat here for a little while, and I was falling asleep. And then about one, I woke up. And I had something against my fucking back. I'm like, I can't turn.

I mean, he was right there in the wedge. I couldn't turn and shit. And I fucking look over on her. And how do you think the bitch is laying? Sideway so I could scratch her side, but close to me. And she's, you know how many times she's done that in fucking 12 years? None. That bitch knew those fucking mushrooms are kicking because it made me think.

Why is she there? Why is she laying on there? It fucking baffled me until I actually had to get up, go to the bathroom. came back, even though the blanket was on top of her, you know, when you flip the blanket, she didn't fucking move. When I put the blanket back on top of me, she stayed right there. And I'm like, this bitch knows. I'm on the mushrooms.

Yeah, she fucking knows. Anyway, that was our podcast for today. I learned something last week. And that's what I'm excited about. Listen, we got a podcast coming on Monday, but I'm starting to shoot this movie next Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. So if you don't get a second one, never fear. Uncle Joey's here.

I'll still be putting on the Joey Dears Project Patreon podcast. And I'll figure something out with Mike to give you guys a podcast. I got a show in the city next Wednesday. So, yeah, that's my schedule. I'm very sorry about this, guys. But you will have the Monday morning fucking breakdown. Don't forget the show next Wednesday. And I love you, motherfuckers.

Have a happy Halloween. Be careful for fentanyl. When you say trick or treat, make sure you say no fentanyl with that treat, motherfucker. They're going to be a lot of fentanyl. Then they just get 10 pounds of fentanyl on the Mexican border or something like that. A lot of fentanyl for the holidays. Give out apples.

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