The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #209 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Monday, October 31st… This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Liquid I.V. & Better Help… BETTER HELP Visit https://www.betterhelp.com/Diaz for 10% off your first month of online therapy LIQUID I.V. Support the show and get 25% off at https://Liquid-IV.com by using code JOEY at checkout. Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #Displate #Manscaped #BlueChew #LiquidIV #BetterHelp The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in code Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your house. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's the last day of the month and Halloween, you bad motherfuckers. Stay away from that black cat. The joint is brought to you by Liquid I.V.

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com slash Joey. And now without further ado, let's get this little party start on a Monday morning. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey coming out here on a beautiful Monday morning,

October the 31st. Tricy, tricky. because this is it. Triki, Triki. It's Halloween day. I'm excited. This whole weekend felt like fucking a Halloween. Extravaganza.

It started Friday. Saturday we had some shit. Oh, she had the kickboxing stuff at school. She had a dress up, whatever. I don't even know what we did Saturday night. I didn't do much, obviously. The World Series, I think I watched Friday night. Philadelphia is on the fucking map.

Bringing that party back to Philly tonight. They're playing. in Philadelphia Halloween night and I gotta tell you something in my world that's not fucking good man that's not fucking good

I love Philadelphia I love everything about Philadelphia I was telling somebody the first time that I really realized what the fuck was going on in Philly I got a ton of shit to say today but since you guys got me started on Philly

it had to be like 81, 82 8th like I'd been to Philly a bunch Like I had been to Philly a fucking bunch guys When I was a kid I'd been there to see the stones And I used to come down here to some fucking pool And I came to see Black Sabbath

And I came to see another band down here I always liked Philadelphia And one night we were watching We were fucking About to go out And I saw in the paper That the Lakers were playing the Phillies Uh, the Phillies

The Lakers are playing The Lakers are playing the Sixers And a bunch of us Like three or four of us I called one guy and I go listen man I think this is the year Julius serving pulls it off with Moses Malone The Lakers are giving Philly a point

Who the fuck are the Lakers To give Philly a fucking point at home That's a complete different fucking situation Philly at home in those days Philly at home any fucking day Is completely different As a stadium experience or an arena experience at any other stadium.

They're going to torture you in there. You're going to get hit with French fries. It's a complete different situation. So we get in the call. We head to Philly. Sure enough, we put a bet in, and to my, Philly won the game.

It was that, if you ever see that fucking game when Julia Serving got the ball and he cupped it against Michael Cooper and he slammed it, that's the game we were at for like 20 bucks, like in the second area there,

jumping up and down. It was phenomenal. But in those days, if you scored 125 points, something. Anybody who's from Philly and is my age or remember this, if the 6 is scored 125 points, you got a free fucking cheeseburger. Guys, just some shitty fucking cheeseburger. No big deal. But when you're 19 years old, that cheesecake goes a long way.

You just put away five bucks that you could use for a beer later on. So, I don't know. I don't know if we had the coupons that night. I don't know if we didn't get them. but we went to a hamburger place. Philly, if anybody remembers this place, please let me know. And we get there, and fucking half the game is at the stand. You know, I mean, I don't know how many.

There had to be fucking 3,000 people there. Well, that's what it seemed like. The line was out the fucking ass. But after about an hour, we're out there giggling and having a good time. And by the time we get close to the door, you're in Philly. A fight breaks out, right? Just like three dudes, four, like two other dudes. This went on for about 15 minutes.

The people I had grown up with, they were ready to fucking jump in there and shit. But nobody on that line moved. Like, it seemed like usually when there's a fight, people turn around, people watch, people clap, people say call the police. Guys, nobody said, a word, which may be believed that

this is an everyday occurrence down here. That people are waiting on the line for fucking hamburgers and all of a sudden they just banging out with each other. But it gets better. Some way the fight ended, but somebody went to his car and got like a fucking hammer. Not a stick, not a knife, not a gun. He came back with like a fucking hammer,

and he hit the other kid in the fucking head with it. Guys, you can't write that. this shit. I'm 19. I'm 20. Maybe. 21. Maybe. Maybe. No, I'm fucking 20. You can't write this shit. He hit him with a fucking hammer right in the fucking head, caved in his fucking head. Eyeball was out. The guy's on the floor. You know how long it took the people in Philly Go over and helped that motherfucker. There was no brotherly loving that motherfucker that day because nobody gave a fuck about that, dude. Maybe three people went over. after the dust settled.

When the dude with the hammer left, that's when people went over. But when the dude with the hammer was there, people were just eating their cheeseburger. Like, it was a beautiful fucking day at the park. And I was like, wow, this motherfucker just got hit in the head. Not with a new chuck. Not with a fist. Not with a fucking ball.

But with a hammer. That's real, guys. A fucking hammer is real. I remember eating my burger and tell my boys, let's get the fuck. out of here. Let's get the fuck out. We don't even belong in this motherfucker.

And now, like, you hear about all this violence and shit like this across the country, like, oh my God. And that story goes right into what I saw two years later in San Francisco when they stabbed the motherfucker, they gutted his stomach in front of the fucking original Joe's.

At lunchtime, this guy was just sitting there with his stomach gutted. The blood wasn't even red. It was that purple color when it's just turning brown and shit. And nobody gave a fuck. It was a different world back then. But anyway, it's a beautiful day to be a lot.

I wish Philly a lot of luck tonight. They don't need my fucking luck. They've been doing fucking great. The game Saturday night, you know, what are you going to do? On Friday night, they went into fucking Houston and showed them what they could do. I'm not cheering for anybody. I got Philly for the series because it was a long shot. I love fucking underdogs.

That's my fucking world. But I think it's going to be interesting. I think they're playing Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and I'm going to try with everything in my heart to go on Friday night. I got a call in there. So I don't, you know, I'm trying everything. I'll take any ticket. I just don't want to stand.

I don't want to stand for fucking nine innings, you know. But you're in Philadelphia. So I can't even, I think people are going to go dress to the stadium tonight in costume. which means you're going to get hit in the head with something because when somebody in Philadelphia you get hit in the head just for being down there when they're in costume. They got no renal.

It's a fucking free-for-all. All you need is Ted Nugenthal on the drums. And somebody's getting smacked tonight. It's fucking tremendous. I fucking love Halloween. Listen, last night, when I was up to about like eight, Halloween was cool.

You know what I'm saying? Then you're like, fuck Halloween. Once I moved to, Jersey. I don't know why. When I grew up in New York, nobody ever talked about it. But once I moved to Jersey, people used to talk about Devils night. All right. When I moved to Jersey in the 70s, I didn't hear about devil's night again till the crow came out. Like, it just, it got invisible to me. It was something that wasn't spoken about. It's like Monday night football. When I was growing up, Monday night football was the shit. Was the shit. By lunchtime, you were on the phone with your

friends. Where are we going? McSawleys, this, play. Shalanigans. This place gives you fucking. Every score was who would give you the most food. Like if some place

had peanuts and chips bah, we're not going down there for fucking peanuts and chips. By the 80s, they started giving your fucking meatballs at Monday night football

and chicken wings and shit like that. So whoever gave you the best fucking food on Mondays, that's who we're at. 50 cent mugs of Heineken,

50 cent mugs and a frogus. Ooh, and a nice frozen mug the old days. Good, googly-moogooly. with a half a gorilla biscuit on a Monday night

because you didn't have 50 bucks for blow it's Monday you can't start the week off strong but a little fucking half of quailude that means you're both chipped in two bucks come on little quailude your leg goes numb while you're sitting there fucking tremendous i miss those motherfucking days but anyway i didn't discover devil's night till i moved to fucking jersey added discovered in my neighborhood all right i grew up in uh off giving that terrace off 38 Street Park, Buck Wild Park. Loved growing up there. But the craziest fucking part, close to us.

I don't know what happened up in northern North Bergen, like Horace Mann and Robert Fulton. But the craziest area by us, when I first got to North Bergen, was 26th Street. It was just a, you took your fucking, you took your fucking, the bus, the number one bus to 26th Street. You had Roosevelt Stadium when you got off. This fucking stadium was huge. which were like Emerson and Union Hill used to play.

And if you walk down that hill, like there was a little bodega on the corner there. That was the home of the eggs. We used to get eggs in that motherfucker. And then you walked down into 26th Street. And it was like, I don't want to say it's a housing project, but it's something like all the houses look the same, all the buildings looked the same.

I don't know if maybe it was a project or whatever, but it didn't matter. In the 70s, it looked great. And when I got them, North Bergen, one of my, like, slash cousins, Julian, lived in one of those buildings. So I would go visit Julian. I would go visit this other Cuban, his cousin, Martin Perez, whose father was Batista's driver in fucking Cuba. We'll get into that some other time. So I started with going up over there, and they would take me around 26th Street.

And I got to meet the Carvajals and the Aramides and Dean LaPrette. and, you know, I got to meet these fucking savages. Alfred Oslay and fucking, just these fucking dudes that were animals, Dibby. And on, on Devil's Night, we would start off, yeah, you got the eggs, you put the hole of them with the needle, and you put them under your bed. So when you hit somebody with an egg, it smells fucking horrible. Whatever eggs you didn't hit your friends with, you hit the Hasidic Jews with, you know,

because that was what was hip in those days. I don't mean to be striking the Jews. Everybody's been beating up on the Jews next between Kanye and fucking Kyrie Irving. I fuck, everybody's going nuts. So, you know, you had the fucking eggs with the hole in them. You got sock and you put flour in your socks. You got socks like regular socks. You doubled them up and you put baking flour in that motherfucker.

And when I hit you with it, powder comes out. So I would hit you with a fucking egg. You get hit with an egg. and then we'd come up with a fucking sock and clocked down the head with a fucking sock and the flower will go anywhere. The power of 26th Street the power of 26th Street

that they had over any other fucking thing was you had that place Duratest up the fucking corner and Duratest that was the secret that 26th Street possessed that no other you know like Superpower, you know like the Avengers and all those fucking guys

of superpowers when it came to the street Devil's Night Nobody had better superpowers than 26th Street. We had a company called Dura Test. Dura Test had some type of fucking cancer powder in their light bulbs. Like these light bulbs we used, they would make the long ones, the 8-foot ones, the 6-foot ones, the 3-foot ones, and they would make regular light bulbs and throw them in a tub. So we either hit you with the flour, the egg, or we'd hit you with the light bulb or the 3-footer, the 8-footer, or the 10-footer, whatever the 5-foot. Can you imagine kids running down Kennedy Boulevard with fucking six-foot white things?

Like just people are like, what the fuck are they doing? They'd be like 10 of us running with fucking those fluorescent lights. And when you hit somebody with those things, nothing happens to you. You're not going to lose an eye or nothing like that. But there's a residual powder in there. And that shit lands on you between that, the flower and some egg yolk. You're a fucking Ghana. You understand me?

Mishyf night, devil's night, a little fucking liquid IV. I took a little Concord grape. You know, it's funny because everybody said, well, liquid IV, it's high in potassium or high in whatever. When I went to the fucking doctor last week, and they banged me out with the blood test, that was the first thing they said to me, they got to start drinking more,

eating more potassium, vitamin D with K2, so it gets the fucking vitamins to your fucking heart. arteries so it cleans out the shit. Here's to you, cocksuckers. A little Concord, great. Nice, cocksuckers. But anyway, yeah, that was Devil's Night Dog.

And listen, I could tell you a bunch of shit. I never went. I was only 10, 12, 13. I never went outside for Devil's Night. But Devil's Night used to get fucking shit. Like, we were close to all those cemeteries. As we got old on Devil's Night. Like, uh,

I don't know when that shit started. We must have been like 12. And one night somebody said they cut through the cemetery and they saw devil worshipers in there. So especially like devil's night. We'd wait for devil's night. And we wouldn't go to the cemetery by 38th Street. Not the one of my mother's buried at.

Because there it's a small cemetery, but we would go to the one by 46th Street, up the corner from Didi Kintero and Carlos Kintero. They got cemetery for my. miles there. Like I told you, that 46th Street Hill is on a slant that has to be this close. So when we were kids and it would rains, the funerals, the cemeteries would wash out and the fucking bodies would go down the hill, caskets and shit. Carlos, I'll have Carlos on the podcast one of these days. He'll tell you that one time a

casket was open. It's just open because the rain dragged down the hill. It was a skeleton with a sweater on. You know, nobody fucking saw nothing. But that's, that's, how crazy that area is for cemetery. So I still remember a bunch of guys going, nah, devil's night, we're going to go to fucking

the cemetery tonight and beat some people up. This was a kid like Juan Soto. Juan Soto knocked the girl up when he was 13. I never saw that motherfucker again. Most people have to quit high school because they're animals.

This guy had to quit grammar school. Like, he had to quit grammar school. Like, I never saw him again after seventh grade summer. But he was a crazy, Cuban kid, and he had some other crazy Cuban kids, Mario Diaz. These kids were out of their fucking minds, and when they came to me, like, listen, dog, we're going to the cemetery tonight to beat up on devil worship and throw eggs at them and fucking

chase them with you. And I'm like, come on, guys. And in my mind, I didn't want to go in that cemetery. And I'll tell you why, because a lot of times Santeros would go in there to do rituals and shit like that. If it was a spiritual ritual, I had never been involved in anything like that as a child or had ever heard anybody talk about it, but I'd be walking through the cemetery

sometimes, and I'd see some Santeria shit, like a dead pigeon or something like that. Santeria people kill pigeons and chickens. Cats, no. Monkeys, no. Squirrels, no. You know, dogs, no, no, no. So if you see a dog in a cemetery,

that's a devil fucking worshiper. But anyway, getting back to the devil worship story. Ah! Ah! Ah! So it was Halloween like 74, something like that. And there was like all, this little group was like a group of bastard kids. This wasn't like Dominic Bessial or Anthony Bousan.

These are little Cuban kids with a couple little dirty white kids. They recruited from 263 field. And they wanted to go up to fucking 26th. Yeah, 26th. 26th didn't have a field. It was just they had a basketball court that overlooked Route 3. So if you ever had it into the city, right boom boom boom you see my grammar school on the side and you see the york hotel you're gonna see a bridge that comes over you know like when you're hitting lincoln tunnel and it says you're going through lincoln tunnel and then you go into that city that's union city but the first one you hit you're gonna see a little walk there on that corner on the top there used to be a basketball court there that was tremendous but the other thing was during the summer caterpillars would come out and you'd have to step on them or whatever like that'd be thunded thousands of

Thousands of fucking caterpillars everywhere. And you would step on them like as a kid, you know, because you're a fucking idiot. And I never forget I was stepping on those motherfuckers one day. We were like earphones. I couldn't hear nothing. And my friend Pancho fucking grabbed me by the neck. I almost jumped eight fucking feet. Yeah, I thought one of those caterpillars came to life.

I was fucking petrified. But right there, they all hooked up there one night. They're like, we're going to go beat up fucking devil worshippers. So I don't know. I took, I think, I took like a fucking. sock with flour in it and a couple eggs and I went up there and sure enough we're in those fucking cemetery like we're in that cemetery like fucking 10 minutes and we hear something this is on fucking devil's night off of 46th street if you go deep deep by this point we're like on 51st

street that's all a creepy part of that cemetery there and we hear something in the weeds and sure enough hit some guy dressed him like black with a fucking hood or something like that and we just shut down for like four minutes. We were kids man. We were fucking kids like two kids were scared and we were like let's just chase

him and see what happens and we're like ah and we started chasing the dude and he started running and all of a sudden like I don't know I got lost like two other guys and I'll never forget that I started seeing my friends running back going no turn around there's like 300 of them

and then we're like fuck this and we ran the fuck out of there and we saw some of the guys chasing this we never you know they wanted to call the cops shit but I never had the time we just went home we just never went back to the cemetery that's it end of that fucking thing no reason to be chasing devil

I don't even know if that was devil worship is I shouldn't say this shit but oh my God it was so much fucking fun Halloween and look did I say anything about getting candy you could take that candy and shove it up your ass I never wanted nobody's candy. We were raised that if you didn't give us money,

like you had to give us fucking money. Fuck your fucking candy, okay? And I'm not talking about, we were six and we already raised you. Like, we were already training you in money. Like, my first trick-or-treat ever was on Broadway. Like, I lived on 88th Street, so my mother goes,

just trick-a-treat on Broadway. Guys, if you went home with three pieces of candy, that was a lot in the 70s. I swear to God, you went on my... You get rolls of pennies. You got tons of rolls of penny, which is 50 fucking cents. We went out to get money.

This chocolate shit, you could take that chocolate. When we were kids, if you gave us candy, we'd fucking stab you. Listen, it was well known. If you didn't give out good candy, your house was getting bombarded. With fucking eggs,

shaving cream, that fucking blue shaving cream, you were getting hit with that. I mean, guys, society was so much fucking different. The cops were, like, I got hit with eggs. Well, you didn't give the kids chocolate. Even the cops fucking knew. The cops are even fucking new in North Bergen like that.

This guy didn't give out good candy. You gave out money. It was a bucket with 70% pennies, dimes, and nickels, maybe fucking ten quarters. And the rest was little, there was no fucking little bites. sized chocolate in those days. They gave you a whole fucking candy bar guys. The cheap motherfuckers gave you Hershey's kisses.

And they're not bad. Hershey's kiss ain't bad. They would give you like 20 Hershey's kisses. That's 20 cents. Now they give you a shit. They got cheap all over the years. That's why I usually take all the change that I have throughout the year and I put in the bucket

and I put it out there. A lot of pennies, a lot of nickels. Who gives a fuck? Who else gives you out change? Nobody. So the kids are going to come over here, and they're going to go, whoever lives in their house,

they're pretty cool. Just because I give you my yearly fucking pennies. All that shit that's in your glove compartment, every time you go to Wawa or 7-Eleven and you throw it in the cup in there, see how many pennies you got in there. You got $100 worth of the fucking pennies in there. If you really think about it.

When I come home at night, I empty my fucking change, I give mercy all the fucking nickels and dimes and quarters, and they wrap them up to put away money. But the pennies, nobody wants a fucking change. fucking penny except me bitch i'll fucking put those things out for Halloween that's like Halloween was so far I couldn't even get costumes this year for mercy like we got her costume and it's a cool costume she likes it one of those

something from uh not black adam what's the other one no the fucking natamba whatever the fuck black panther she got one of the black panther suits the other I told you better put a bra in with that fucking suit you're getting old Cocksucker, she just looked at me. Really? Yeah, go put on a bra. You got an old mercy. But no, it's, uh, Halloween was a fucking, yeah, Halloween was a hundred dollar day. A lot of people don't know that shit.

And a lot of people are young. They're going to watch this podcast and go, what are you talking about? Nobody gave us money on Halloween. It was a hundred hour a day, Halloween. Easy, easy, easy. You could shake down your parents, your friends' parents for a dollar. you get, if you want sugar treat and you'd make 40 bucks when I was a kid.

There was only one catch when I was a kid though. You had to be dressed up. You had to be dressed up because of my neighborhood, if you didn't get dressed up, the other kids would beat you up. That's how cold blood a day were. If your parents didn't have money like the Clemens'es and the O'Neils,

no, was it the O'Neils? No, the O'Neils were the twins, the Olsons. The Olsons were a family that were cool, was fuck I love them to death but they had like 22 fucking kids so they you know it's a hard living in like a four bedroom house and they live next to the body shop on the block and they always smelled like paint it was you know but those guys always like didn't have enough costumes and shit but it's a different fucking world for they were kids man I don't understand

like the output can I don't think one year they robbed my weed remember in the uh before Before my daughter came, and we were already doing the podcast, me, I think Felicia, or Lee and I, I put candy out one night. We had to leave. So before I left, there was no kids out. So I went out to the balcony to get high. And the next thing you fucking know, I was just a half a joint. I put it under the candy. I put the fucking, I put the fucking candy in a, you know, a, you know, a put.

pumpkin thing, like one of those containers. You hold with a fucking, with a bucket. And I put the bucket on top of the joint or the joint behind the bucket. I don't fucking know. I didn't want nobody to find the joint. I didn't have nobody would have put the joint. The door was already locked. And next thing, you know, I fucking put the joint under the thing.

When I went out, when I got back that night, I went out to smoke the joint. The candy was still there, but somebody had moved the fucking thing. One of the kids that's taken my joint. So they were out of a fucking. fucking trip with themselves, my friend. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Sometimes you can fix it in a problem for so long

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That's betterhelp.com slash Diaz. And now back to the podcast. Great week, though. I found out, I was telling Mike that we had to go to a table read, kind of table read. We had to sing a song on this movie. So we had to sing a song as a cast, and it's off camera. It's just microphones. And then I've never done this before, guys either.

Okay? So this is all fucking new to me. And it was very interesting, guys. I got really not motivated, inspired. Is that the word we were talking about? Inspired by Christopher Walken. It was funny because I had a meeting in Montclair. There's a recording studio there.

Pretty nice area. I've never, I've been to Montclair since 1980 fucking two or something like that. But I get up there, I get up there a little fucking early. you know Uncle Joey I'm sorry about my fucking hair this is the new hairdo for the movie I'm sorry I know a lot of he's got to turn the lights off in there

they dyed my hair to fucking pieces I think it's too alive but what are you gonna fucking do I don't I only have to shoot one day this week and then I go full time on the 7th or whatever that fucking yeah I think whatever next Monday is the 6th the 7th

so I went up to Montclair fucking cool shit shit. I went up there. I got there a little early. I went for a walk in the town. Nobody, I didn't see anybody. I saw some cops. I saw some people. Cute. And then I walked back to the recording studio and they said come back about 2.30. I got there about 2.30. I went upstairs. And I go, I'm here for the, like, they're like, who are you? I'm Joey. I'm here to record the fucking thing. And they're like, are you part of the movie? I go, yeah. So I go back to the check-in.

They're like, oh, no, no, no, go in the other room there. It was like a studio. I was telling Mike, and I fucking go in there, and it's Christopher Walker and Catherine Hegel guys and some of the other actors. Like, they'd be swinging. I didn't really know them. I knew some other guys from different things,

but I didn't know what they were doing there. I shook everybody's hand. I shook Catherine's hand. I shook Christopher Walken's hand. I had never met these guys before. I never met Christopher Walken before. So I fucking sit in my chair away from them. You know, they're on the other side of the room.

Christopher Walken was talking to Catherine Hegel, and I'm just watching, I don't know what they were talking about, but I'm watching this motherfucker, right? Then the director comes in, and he starts talking about, you know, what we're going to do today. It was going to be a light day. We're just going to sing this song, and then break us up into different groups,

so everybody sings, and it doesn't have to be perfect. I'm not out in John, you know what I'm saying? This doesn't have to be perfect. we could just fucking sing and I was okay with that so we break up into the group and we start singing that's a mori right you know wind knives

pizza pie whatever that's a moray right they give us the lyrics and we got you know and I'm out there that's a more day I'm trying it from all different fucking I'm trying to sing like Dom de Louise I'm trying to add it for more I'm trying to be a bass a stiletto

the whole fucking deal soprano Toledo. So now I'm, yeah, who the fuck knows? We're singing,

we're singing, we're singing, bam, John Travolta shows up. He was stuck in traffic. Travolta comes in. We all say our hellos, you know.

And all of a sudden, we're, again, they break us up into group. So it's like Christopher and Travolta and two other guys, me and four other guys than me,

Travolta and Christopher Walking. The only people I didn't sing were were the women. I always got mixed up with different guys. The women stayed on that side of the room. So now we're there for a while, but, you know, Travolta's talking. You know, he's talking to whatever, what he feels.

And now they're in conversations about England. We took breaks and everybody's talking about England and this and that. Yeah, we're just talking about the World Series. Philadelphia, Houston, blah, blah, blah. But the whole time everybody's talking in this room, there's got to be 20 people. Christopher walking don't say dick nothing but I keep going over

and he's one of those guys that just sits there and watches you know like he's just he's just watching you know with a nice smile on his face he's not miserable he got old and finally we all got to get up and sing again

and Travolta's singing with Catherine Hegel and they really go into it they're fucking looking at each other and going away with the song and I'm looking at Christopher Walkin and he's not having it, you know what the fuck is this? You know? So finally they end and they go

you know Christopher you got to sing now Chris whatever they call him Chris you got to sing Mr. Walking and he goes all right you get that he's old and shit guys he did not want to sing the last thing this listen we're not saying is this guy did not want to fucking sing So he finally gets up He's like, I don't know

I feel more comfortable with somebody else So yeah, okay, we put a guy goes up there with him But he's the main guy He's an older and we want to hear his voice, you know And you can tell he's a little embarrassed You know, it's just you Anybody can sing when there's 20 of us singing You know, sweet Caroline

Ha ha ha But you know, you can't hear how bad people sing But it's you by yourself, people could say that you're fucking tone deaf or whatever he goes up there and i don't know what the lyric was guys he blasted out he goes yeah and we just busted out because he was fucking hysterical i just fucking died and you could see that he looked at us and was like am i funny it's okay for me to do that we're like we didn't say yes or no he's fucking christopher walkin you know what i'm saying that that's christopher fucking walkin you know what he looked at us

just to see like, oh my God, I did something good. And you could see he was having a good time, like an old dude. You know, he's like, okay, let me do it again. And we're like, all right, go. And he's fucking singing the thing. And he waves his own. Now he's into it. And just by fucking, I told Mike, just, he sat down and people were clapping

and we were having a fucking great time just watching him do this. And I just got like this tingle in my heart. Like, wow. You know, it doesn't fucking matter how old you are. That's still a dangerous motherfucker. That's 40 years of, I'm looking at him for a couple minutes and I'm like, what movie haven't I seen with this fucking guy? King of New York, true romance, deer hunter?

Have you not seen Deer Hunter lately? Has anybody not watched Deer Hunter lately to see what the strength? of that movie is I would give it out for the movie of the week but it's like stealing I can't believe you haven't seen

fucking Dea Hunter I mean any movie this guy did whether it's the other one I like at close range that's one of his fucking best movies

this guy is his Saturday Night Live appearances you guys know I can't stand Saturday Live in any of that shit but that cowbell all that stuff with the fucking

And dog, that dude could do comedy. These are old school people. You know what I'm sitting there watching this guy going, God knows how many years. He was there on the boat when Natalie Wood died, right? This guy's seen some shit. This guy's seen some shit. He ran with fucking, when people were real.

He knew De Niro when fucking De Niro was a kid. I mean, you look at this guy. And now he's sitting there. He's 78 years old, whatever the fuck he is. and he's still more dangerous than ever. It's just economical. Like, he's got to be economical. He doesn't have the energy to go fucking 12 hours

of being the old Christopher walking. But I was so, guys, and I would never say this word, but I was like inspired. I'm like, this motherfucker, I can do this forever. Again, I can't jump up and down and do what he does. This guy's a fucking genius. But it just lets you know that you're going to be fucking fine. And also let me know one thing.

I got nothing against nobody, guys. If you're talented, you're talented. If you're getting people to pay you money, I don't give a fuck if you put bottle rockets up your ass and light them. If I meet you on the street, I will shake your hand, and I'll shake the hand that you stick the bottle rockets in your asshole with. That's the type of guy I am. But I also want you to understand one thing.

What's for today? and watch for 40 years from now. You know, if you're a young guy right now, a 30-year-old guy, and you're figuring out entertainment, I want you to think about your career path now because this is important. But think of where you're going to be in 30 years,

because I did. As fucking junked up as I was and drugged up and a fucking criminal, I always thought about this time in my life. I didn't think about being seven, or 80. I never even thought about being 60. But I thought about my career later on down the line.

And I've said this for years, guys. Yeah, listen, you might come up with a fucking jazzy phrase or video or something to put you on the map. Right? Like that's all of us. I used to work cock sucker, you know, whatever. We all have something to put us on the map with. That's simple. That's, that's,

that's elementary shit. You want to spread your word. You know, you want to do comedy, you want to do films, you want to be a musician, you want to, whatever you want to be,

I want you to make yourself a problem. So you're going to be the best fucking thing you could be. Because you still want to do this 30 years later. And 30 years from now, have you been doing it for six years, that means you're going to have 30, years of this art under your belt, whether it's playing the bass, whether it's playing the guitar, whether it's singing, acting, comedy, writing a blog, podcasting, all the above, the skin flute.

I don't give a fuck what you do. I mean, seriously, if you find a way to get people to pay you, God fucking bless you. God bless you. But always think of the long range. Always think of the talent that's being developed. when I look at guys like I watch all these old movies because that's the era I like

that's the guys that taught me to do what I'm doing now when I see the Charles Brown this week I watched the fucking sting you know I gave it out as a movie of the week so I watched it I went on Prime video and I watched it from the beginning I ate some mushrooms the silly mushrooms

I smoke some pot fucking brilliant but those guys Robert Redford like those guys in that movie you know see guys like that no more. You know, you don't see guys that were that committed that probably went to vaudeville, that probably worked in a circus when they were kids.

Robert Redford was a fucking soda jerk in Boulder at the one coffee shop in Boulder. I heard a thousand stories. He was just a kid that worked. I mean, how does that, what's that got to do with him being an actor? It just lets you know that this kid was doing something when he was a young kid. Like, these guys put time into their craft. when I did the Longassarre and I was sitting there with Bert Reynolds in the morning and he would tell stories about him and his roommate at the time

the guy in the wheelchair in the movie about bowling with the hook on his arm The Big Lobowski, that was his room, I forget what the guy's name was, how he fucking, they were an acting class and they had an audition in a theater and the fucking guy brought a gun to the audition, and he threatened Eli Kazam at the audition. These guys were savage. You know, these guys were savages, yeah, in their lifestyle. But they put that much into their fucking craft.

So nobody said they were fly-by-night. Listen, I'm a lot of fucking things, but I'm no fucking fly-by-night. I put my time into this shit. I studied stand-up. I read the books. And most importantly, I got on that stage all over this fucking country on a Greyhound bus. Because when I got to L.A., I bombed one night at the improv. two years in, maybe it's 99.

I took a bombing along with getting my apartment towed, along with other fucking things, that made me go, you know what, man? Yeah, L.A. is great. But I'm not going to get that good. The good I'm looking to get is not going to happen. Going to the comedy store, the laugh factor of the improv. I'm telling you right now, I need real stage. I need fucking to be in holes every night.

What's a hole? A bar where, and it's not a hole, like a ball. bad place. A hole is a bar where people don't go there to laugh. See, when people go to a comedy club, the comedy thing in their mind starts at two in the afternoon. What are he doing today? Mike's thinking me to a comedy club. We're going to do an edible. We're going to do a mushroom. It's going to be so much fun. You see what I'm saying? All these words, you're pre-programming yourself. We're going to go see Tom Segura. Oh, my God. You know, you're pre-programming yourself. You know, Mike and I always talk about the open mic experience.

I love the open mic experience because it's where dreams go to die. You know, it's like, it's like that movie The Accountant, when he's talking to the young girl, he goes, what college did you go to? And she's like Chicago University where the parties go to die or something, some stupid joke, you know. You know what I'm talking about that movie, what parties go to die or whatever? the open mic is where careers

dreams go to die you know dreams go to die if you're a musician you see you know you're going on to do your thing and you're putting on the black pants you listen to Molly Crew

looks to kill right she got the looks that kill you go down there with your buddy who's got a nice car right because he's got a better car than you do she's like want you give me a ride tonight she can pull up with him and you go down there to fucking do your thing

and you're a fucking bust out. And on the better side, I've been there many of nights. When I've been watching a young comedian special with Rodney and Andrew going, I'm going to go down there and light those motherfuckers on fire with these new jokes. And I get down and it's cricket night at the fucking LaRue lounge.

So always remember that going to a program place, a comedy club, or me buying tickets two weeks before, that's program. If I go to a hole, which means Mike and I are going for a drink to talk about why Mike's girlfriend in the fifth grade left them for the bully. You know what I'm saying?

You get those calls during the week. I got to talk to you. I need to have a drink. You know, I just remember in high school, you spit my eye, whatever the fuck it was. You know, when you go down there and all of a sudden you're like, you're walking to a place,

you're like, what the fuck is this? And there's a music, some guy with an acoustic guitar singing like something that you've heard 10 million times. or you ever go into a place where there's comedy and you wanted to go talk or watch a football game and you watch the football game for a while but this kid keeps fucking talking and then you hear the laughter

and then after a while you're intrigued. You're like, well, let me see what they're laughing about and you look over and you don't want to laugh. You don't want to laugh. You want to watch that football game. But he says something that makes you laugh. That guy is funnier than the guy you went to see at the comedy club.

Joey, how do you justify? That guy just made you laugh in a hole. It's a hole. It's not a hole as a shitty bar. It's just a hole where people do not go watch comedy. You went down to do comedy. When I started at the broker, it was a hole. I was a host there, and it was a great show,

and it was great two comedians, but it was a hole. Why? Because I had to make people not laugh. I had to make people stop and watch me, while they ate their prime rip. That's completely fucking different. That's the bottom line with that shit.

So my point, you're like, Joey, why are you giving me an ear beating with the hole? I'm giving you an earbeaten with the hole because anybody could succeed with something. Like, I still, all right, let, I don't like videos, okay? In my journey of being a comic, I got into videos.

And one of the first videos, I got success one was like a third one I had done was Joey Karate. I thought I was big and bad. I thought I was the next Tarantino. You know, you know how hard it is to tape two, one million hit videos back to back? I'll tell you what,

you could do two out of ten and then you could do three out of 25 or three out of 35 that'll hit a million, but the more videos you shoot, the least hits you're going to get, the least. And the more, the quicker you put them out, like if you put them out every fucking day,

now you're just going to burn people out. So you have to learn a way on how to put them out without pissing people off with them wanting you to see it. Is it the third day? Is it the fourth day? Is it the fifth day? It doesn't really matter.

My point is that when I got into the video business, people wanted to see me for the joy karate videos and they wanted me to make content for what was their videos. When I sat down and went and tried to make that content for their videos, I didn't do too well. Yeah, some of the videos were great, but I learned about the video business quickly, that your level of video has to be up.

You know, my dear friend, one of the great video makers today, Vic Dibetto makes 10 or 12 videos a day. You get to see one. It's hard making those videos and it's hard to keep doing it. But what I'm trying to get at here is that you learned another skill. I learned the video skill. Do I still shoot videos? Once in a while, not really.

But all those skills led up to where I am today. So when I was watching Christopher Walken the other day and he did that move, first of all, he didn't say a fucking word. He just sat there and watched for Walter talk, Catherine Hegel talked, the director talk. That guy had the most talent in that room by fucking a mile. I just broke down his credits to you. All those movies, this guy did vaudeville.

This guy's the real deal. Saturday Night Live. It takes a lot to have all that in your fucking treasure chest, in your arsenal of weapons. No, bro, that dude's got an arsenal of weapons. But to see that guy, get up at whatever age you is, let's clock him at 78 and still have what it takes. Let's you know that putting the work in is always fucking great. It's fucking tremendous, man.

It will go with you forever. That's why I don't care that I don't have a lot of the accolades that comedians have. You know what? I'm a great fucking headliner. I'm a way better feature. But I'm a tremendous MC. Tremendous. And you're like, yeah, but Joe, you don't make money as MC.

That's fine. I didn't get into comedy to make money. I didn't get into MC to make money. I can look you in the face and tell you I'm really good as a fucking MC. Way better than the headline. There's no money in the MC. But I did that because I didn't want to cover all the bases. I wanted to cover all the bases.

I wanted to make sure that when I got to this level, there was no misunderstanding. with fucking anybody. Or the biggest misunderstanding would be with myself. You're either going to pay me now or you're going to fucking pay me later. That's an old Penzole commercial that I have repeated to myself

for years over, over, over, because it was the biggest fear that I ever had. Okay, when I went for that De Niro movie and I, listen, with the pandemic and shit and I'm not whining, we got out of practice. I got out of practice. You know, number one, I'm not an actor to begin with, so I got out of practice. So when I started popping these auditions, they all started, you know, when you have one audition every three months, you're not going to get the rhythm back.

You're never going to get the rhythm back that you had when you audition every day. It's like I tell you guys about stand-up. If I'm doing stand-up every night like I used to 20 years ago, every night. And not just for one week, for five years in a row, when you do stand-up every night, you do stand-up every night. night. That's who your mind is. You're constantly a fucking machine gun over and over again. I don't, uh, I don't fucking, I never wanted to sweat that guys.

I never wanted to be in a forum where I wasn't prepared. And I see a lot of people now that aren't prepared for the next level. After the pandemic, I saw 20 comics pop up out of nowhere. Good for them. You just heard me say I love when somebody fucking bust a fucking hump. But I love when people get somebody to pay them. I really fucking do. I don't give a fuck.

However they do it, they made you go in your wallet to pay them. But all these comics picked up. I see a lot of new faces and I know a lot of them. I don't care how many fucking sets you did during the pandemic because for six months, half of us were doing sets at the fucking house in front of a Zoom. But I guarantee guys, even the guys that did sets. Like, I didn't do no Zoom sets. but I know people who must have done 100 Zoom sets

and I guarantee that comedy went in a different direction also it built a different muscle it built a different muscle that they didn't even know they had I don't even know what that muscle is but I knew by doing anything you're just building up to the final result and that's what I got the other day from watching Christopher walking

in a fucking shitty rehearsal that nobody else is looking at or paying attention at me being the geek that I am, I pay attention to that shit. So always remember whatever you pick up. On my Patreon, I have a lot of young comics that ask for advice, and I love that they do. But I instilled that into all of them.

Listen, don't rush the process. Take that process and take it in. How old are you? Well, I'm 38. Bro, I didn't even see daylight until I was 50. But every year I got stronger. my craft and I got stronger what I did. I told you, motherfuckers, when I did Marin,

the first time I did Marin, I couldn't believe I was that good. And, you know, guys, I don't, I'm not an ego type of guy, but I couldn't, and not only good as, like, acting minds, but how I knew my way around everything. I knew where to stand. I knew where to go.

I just knew. You're just familiarized that even I shocked myself the way Christopher Walker shocked himself. When we were laughing at him the other day, it's fucking just great, guys. My whole point on the Monday morning is if you're going to do something, fucking do it. Go for it.

Learn it inside and fucking out. You got nothing but time. I'd rather you do it now than have to come back and do it later. And somebody says to you, oh, your fucking writing isn't good. Listen, I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses, but my strengths are so fucking strong that they hide the weaknesses. You know, energy.

For me on stage, I would always beat the other guy by energy. Because if you go meow and I go meow, you follow me? Energy is a complete different. It's a bullshit artist. That's what I would do when I was going on stage. Like I said, you got to figure out, I don't give a fuck how you get for them to give you money. But you have to figure it out.

And that's what I figured out, that when I used energy, I became 50% funnier just by getting mad. Just by getting mad. just wrangling off the top of my fucking head, people go, holy shit, you need to rant more. I never even knew that was a fucking rant. My point is, guys, if you're going to fucking walk on ice,

you might as well dance. If you're going to take on an art, take on an occupation, go for it, 150 fucking learn everything you can about it. Some kid hit me up two months ago. Joey, I disagree with you when you talked about, you watched singers to help you with your comedy. That's great. You don't have to agree with me.

but where the fuck are you standing and what the fuck are my standing? Do you follow I'm saying to you? We all have different ways that we learn from people. I learn about comedy when I go to Jiu-Jitsu. I learn about comedy sometimes when I watch music, when I see a guitarist. And I also learn about comedy when I watch fucking comedy. So however it works for you, cock suckers,

it's Monday, October the 31st. It's fucking Halloween. I'm fired up. I'm going to go to a fuck-in. I'm going to go trick-or-treating with my daughter and her little gumbas. And then I'm going to a fucking Halloween party at my friends. I'm going to eat some fucking edibles. I'm going to eat some fucking mushrooms.

And then I'm getting ready for Wednesday night at the motherfucking Sony Theater. It's, what is it? All Souls Day is Tuesday tomorrow. And All Saints Day is Tuesday. It's Tuesday. So I'll see you motherfuckers Wednesday. Tip-top, McGoo. Ready to go.

Lee will be here. We're going to fucking burn that fucking thing down. George Perez will be here. Felicia Michaels will be here Wednesday night. And that's all you motherfuckers need to know. I love you. Stay black. And I'll see you cock suckers Wednesday.

And here a word for my motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right, you filthy animals. I want to thank you on a Monday morning for listening. It's the Uncle Joey short Monday morning podcast. We got shit to do. doing people to see. The joint is brought to you by Better Help. Listen, I love Better Help.

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Visit betterhelp.com slash Diaz. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash Diaz. And if you go today, I'm going to get your 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash Diaz. The joint is also brought to you by one of my favorites, Liquid IV. That's the first thing I do in the morning. I get a cold bottle of water, 16 ounce. I put a package of liquid IV in there, and I'm ready to rock jack.

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better hydration at liquid ivy.com slash joey i want to thank better help i want to thank liquid ivy but i I want to thank you guys for always having my back. Stay black. Have a happy Halloween with your kids. And don't eat no fentanyl cock suckers. I'll see you guys on Wednesday.