The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #211 - Joey Diaz, Angel Salazar and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: September 8, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined in studio by Comedian actor Angel Salazar. He played Chi Chi in Scar Face. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Music:  Keep In Touch - Shades of Love I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Agua que Va A Acer -Patato Y Totico Recorded on 09/07/2014   

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Speed that motherfucker up, Lee. Oh shit. It's Sunday night. If you went to church today, God bless you. If you're still doing your thing, all I could say is, oh shit. Ooh. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

I'm taking your back. Old school. The church of what's happened now. Oh, shit. Angel Salazar's on the house. Lee Syatt in the house. Take that motherfucker, Lee. Oh shit.

Wiggle fungal d'oy. What? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Let's do it, baby. What's going on, dog? What's going on, buddy? What fuck you've been?

You show up coughing. You lost weight. Your head's all red. Well, then it helps me. You don't have to eat. What happened? You didn't eat all weekend? No.

I started eating again and BB Friday. I had like a ball soup each day. A bowl of soup like papillon and shit. Meanwhile, you live in Sherman. It was like a doctor. You got a view? Yeah, I know. I just did.

I recently had to start paying for my own health insurance. insurance because at 26 you can't ban on your parents anymore how much a month 300 oh shit so you might as well go to that fucking doctor I told you once you get insurance you got a fucking headache I go to the doctor I don't give a fuck yeah you're gonna give me one of 90 dollar aspirins fuck it yeah it's crazy how much of a money grab it is like like with the medication oh we don't have a generic one so this good gun this these pills are 50 bucks and it's I don't know it's crazy they never rents they bang get every fucking ham no you go to CVS. You're a good

boy. You get the little card to your miles stack up. Boom, there you go. It's a Sunday night. If you're waking up to this, happy fucking Monday. One of my main brothers' inspiration is a guest tonight. Mr. Angel Salazar saw him at the comedy story and I walking around. It's like

when I saw you, Angel, you were walking around a place that you were the king of. And, better yet, that was the first time you saw me there, sober. You were sober. Yes. You were fucking completely sober.

Yes, you were. I was sober. That's amazing. The Angels here with me. What's up, brother? Does your audience know about the movie Scarface? Yes. They do?

Who doesn't know about the movie Scarface? Everybody knows about the fucking movie Scarface. People in Nigeria know about the movie Scarface. Do they know it's me, Chichi? They know it's you, Chi Chi. Okay, cool. And even if they don't know, they'll fucking find out. If they don't know.

Okay. What's up, Papa? Oh, man. I'm having a time in L.A. How long have you been in L.A. for? How many weeks? About, well, I. I did Las Vegas, went to Reno Lake Tahoe, and then came here on Monday.

I mean, since Monday. Now, Harry Basil called me up two weeks ago, and he goes, can you fucking believe, Chi-Chi? He goes, this morning I'm driving. I see him at 11 o'clock in the morning, walking around the street. The night before, he was at the Belagio without Pacino. Oh, and then the next day, it was sleeping in the streets. No, you were not. Yeah.

Yeah. You were used to. Well, this was happening. I was playing across the street from the Belagio. dies, you know, and I was so wasted, drunk that I didn't feel like walking to the Tropicana. So there was a bunch of homeless there. I'll take a rest here. I'll take a break here. I first sleep, and people recognize me because my name, my face is the Marquis in Las Vegas Boulevard, a Tropicana, Angel Sala's Al Live in concert. And people who saw me in sleep

in the street, man, those cheap busted, didn't give you a room? It's a motherfucker In Vegas we have to walk back to your hotel Sometimes it's too far It is Everything in fucking Vegas is too far So Harry Bezos is looking for me And he's on the phone

And he's on the corner Angel, where are you? And I'm going over here Over here It was a rough night So guess what he did So that Harry Beasel told me That all week in the green room

There's going to be nothing but booths vodka, wine, everything. Well, after that, he closed a bar. He put everything away. He shot me down. So you were in Vegas for how long? One week. One week.

Yeah, but the show went great. That's what he said. He said innovation was great. No, I said you were fucking them up. It was, yeah, it was like a rock concert. You've been getting standing ovations for 20 fucking years. Right? 20, and I used to tell guys, it's like the best deal in the market.

You guys are paying all. Angel get a standing ovation every fucking show. It's funny, man, that you're still doing your thing, Angel. And a lot of people at home, no, know that this career has peaks and valleys. Right, right. And as long as you keep doing jokes and shit, you're always going to work. You always work. You always fucking work, man.

This is the kind of profession that is hard to give it up and stay with you forever. Look at Dun Records. Dan Rickards got 90 years on? He's still touring doing shows. Amazing, huh? And he still has an audience and people still want to see you. They want to see you, man.

They want to support. How the fuck did you start comedy? When and well, how? Well, I'm an actor first. Actor first. I did a few movies before Scarface. I did a movie called With the Buffalo Room with Bill Murray. When he answered the phone, what?

Yeah. That's funny as shit. I did a Boulevard Knights, work proud with a gang movie about Mexican. The only Mexican movie that you saw, Robbie Benson playing a Mexican. Who was that? Robbie Benson.

Robbie Benson. Oh, my God. And so, right about the time I was getting his car face, I started doing comedy in New York. See, here's what happened. I used to be a peddle in the streets of New York, right? Selling stuff. And a parallel, cash line phrase is,

check it out, check it out. So everything I was selling in the street, check it out, check it out. So I go to the comic strip, start doing comedy by, had material. What I had was check it out, check it out. And I do that for 10 minutes. And somebody said to Lucio, he runs the... Lucius, he died. He died. He died. He died. He was run the place for Richard

thinking, you know, any move is managing. And somebody told Lucian, that Spanish kid is very funny. He's great. Keep him. And he goes, what are you talking about? All he says, check it out. Yeah. And you started then. I started doing comedy. Then when we started doing cafes of course I went to the commerce store but I met you before before Scarface no no no no I met you in 1993 oh really you was walking on 8th Avenue in his kitchen yes yeah I was selling cars on 12th Avenue and 57 street yeah and you start talking to me and you said hello you say you say you said you're one of the men I'm Cuban too yeah and you're leaving New Jersey but

you're moving to Colorado I was living in Colorado and I was back, I started in Colorado, and you gave me a pass to the village gate to go seek. Oh, the Barrio. Oh, wow. Look at that. And I went and I was selling cars and I shot over there. But you had a lot of people around you and I was really embarrassed, so I didn't say nothing to you. But you gave me your phone number and I kept calling you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was hysterical. I would call you and the machine would say, this is Angel. I'm in Cleveland. Called me at the hotel, the 718. and I would call them and wake him up. Well, what happened is this. You was in Colorado.

Colorado, yeah. So, three o'clock in the morning in New York is 12 in Colorado, it's three hours different. And I go, Jesus Christ, you waking me up. You go, no, it's only 12. I go, yeah, where you are? He used to call me late at night. Even though if it was 3 o'clock, Colorado, he calls me at 1 a.m. at 1 a.m. and I don't matter but Joe.

If I'm on the fucking phone doing it. That was amazing that I bumped into you. in New York City. Right in the fucking street. And it was my day. I was trying to get into comedy, you know? I was just starting. You were starting, yeah.

I was doing comedy maybe at that time, maybe two years. Maybe, maybe. And I had no fucking clue. And I went to see you guys, and I had no fucking clue of what was going on. Then they did auditions for the other Slutino troupe. Oh, que loco? No. The one that they did at the, what's the club in Goodfellers?

where they go, the Spanish club. What's the Spanish club on a hundred and... The Latin Cora? No, the other one. Copacabana? Copacabana. I had an improv troupe. Yeah.

And I remember I rented... I was selling cars and I took a car from the lot and went up there to audition. I got a $150 fucking ticket. I didn't get... I was terrible. Oh, my God. They said, do three characters. I only had one.

I was a Spanish junkie. I kept nodding. It was fucking horrible. That wasn't much of a kid. character. No, that was it. That was the end of my thing. But I kept calling Angel. I kept trying to get in touch with Angel and he would tell

me what to do, go here, go there. So did you know he was doing stand-up at that point? Yeah, that's how I had reached on to him because he was fucking doing stand-up. I wanted to answer. So was it hard going from acting and then doing, because like, the character as being in gangster movies and then trying to be funny must be a little

bit difficult for audiences? Well, when I was shooting, I didn't tell them I was a comedian at the beginning, no. Later on, as I got comfortable with the cast and crew, yeah, I told them. And, yeah, I told them later on. There's a joke that Tony Montana, Apachino,

say in the movie that I told them how to say it. Because Marty Breitman called me, Hey, I was not working at the day. You got to get here. Oh, why? I don't need a joke, and you got to give him a joke. Because he was telling joke to Sosa about Cubans, and you probably

know this joke. Key ones are the most messed up people ever because the island is in the Caribbean, the government is in Russia and the people live in Miami. That was the joke. So he told them in the movie, in the uncut version there is in the account versions. Now, remember one thing, guys, in 85, 84, lot of comedians were transcending to movies, Eddie Murphy, Robert Williams. So I, you know, so that was a, I saw as a shortcut to break into the movies. Yeah, doing comedy, Joy, did it help you get in those movies that you got? Analyze that and...

Yes, to a degree, I think it got me ready. It got me ready, so when I was on the set, you know, I could do what I had to do. But, yeah, I think so. I never dreamed, Angel, when I came out of here, I never dreamed I'd be in a movie. I thought if I would be an extra, I would do okay. And then when I came here, they tell you you have to act. they send you for auditions and the first thing I booked was a fucking movie

it was basketball which one which one? Basketball with the Zucker Brothers Oh okay about basketball and roller skates and shit Whatever the fuck is that what it is Yeah I just like the way you describe it Whatever the fuck it is but it's just amazing that

You did all this like the When I went home to the night and I left the comedy store First I saw you at the Laugh Factory That night yeah It was Tuesday night this last week And then I shot up with time the laugh at a comedy store. You said you were coming over to the comedy store. I didn't think you were going to come. I said, Angel's not going to come to the comedy store. He's not going to come.

And when I saw you walk into the comedy store, you were happy. Oh yeah. You had a smile in your face. You walked in. We bumped into Mark Maron. Did you see, Mark, Mark, yeah. Did you see Paulie? I didn't say Paulie, no. Paulie was back there, but it's funny that at one point I was watching you looking at things, you know? Yeah. That was your home, Angel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From what years was that your? home that was 83 to about 87 88 5 hard yeah because remember me me see how that doing the comedy store in Vegas at the dunes for a few years and they've and the headline is the closest show was me and Harry Basso we were there almost like

three weeks out of the month wow yeah yeah no joy you got you got really strong, really strong in a short period of time. You grew up. The one time you opened for me, a feature for me in El Paso, Texas. I told about Rhee, yo, I'm not following the guy no more. He got a house his own show. Next time he comes in, he's got a headline. He's on Chonchonko.

You got strong real quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great time. Yeah, real quick. I remember the first time I worked with you was New Year's 2000 in Miami. And I was just there. When New Year's 98. Before 9-11. Yeah.

It was New Year's 9. It was New Year's 98. Because I moved here in 97. Oh my God. That was a New Year's C party. Yes. And I opened up for you and I fucking died. Because I was at the Miami Improv,

but I was at the Miami Improv in July and October. So those nights, Cuban people, were in the audience. So I got real comfortable. I got lazy on stage. But New Year's Eve, Cubans don't go to comedy rooms. They stay home and eat a fucking pig, like normal people. Jews come out, and all these white people came out. And I went up there first and just died.

That was like I died a slow fucking debt. And then you went up there and fucking clean their clocks. And that was it. I remember sitting around for New Year's Eve after I just died. And I was dating a crazy girlfriend then. The one with the black hair, the stripper. Carol. Oh, she's got kids in Miami now.

But it was fucking crazy. That's what I did. I opened for Angel. And then Angel became this powerhouse in Miami. Because, you know what? They brought all these people down there, but nobody saw more tickets than you. Yeah, right.

You and Richard Jayne saw tickets. I had a big father, Cuban from Hiaiaia. Yeah. I did a lot of Cuban jokes that fit that area. Yeah, who gets a fuck. That's what you're doing that fucking area, you know? But I don't remember that show, if you Bama or remember,

but I do remember that you kill in Texas in El Paso. Then we work, oh my God. For people who don't know, you know, you have your regular comedy clubs. Off the record, Angel Salazar is the unofficial mayor of El Paso. It's amazing. The whole city changes.

From the airport, people know he's coming into town. Like, it's fucking amazing. How long were you going to El Paso for? Oh, for years. You still go? No. Bart Reed banned me from there

because you know Bart Reid He banned me too He banned you too right I did a movie called the Pinchie Court Which is Alejandro

terrible movie I wish I could have the money to buy the movie Nobody's here And then to make it up He booked me some Dives some little holes in

restaurant and bars in the Paso So Barre got mad about that and he's supposed to be a Republican and believe in free enterprise. So now they have a new place, no, Paterson. They moved again?

No, no, no. Bart Reid has his place, but they still have a new place. So you could still go. I'll give you the guy's number. Oh, different order. Yeah, Rick, Mexican, whatever. Oh, really? Yeah, they have a club.

Only one night? Friday and Saturday. Oh, cool. That's awesome. That's good. Rick, whatever's name is Mexican, whatever the fuck. Rex again. It's not a bad room from what I hear. No, no matter

what you say, like no matter how I cut it, whether I don't talk to Bart no more, Bart developed me. Yeah. You know, I became a killer in that room because it's a hard room. And Bart used to bring me down there every six weeks. He would call me on Monday night, Lee,

to be there on Tuesday. Monday at 5, you got to take the 11 o'clock bus. Oh, you took a bus? A bus. $35. Where? Where? From L.A. downtown LA, Oh my God. To El Paso.

One time there was a bunch of Chinese people in front of me, and the bus, the air conditioning, broke. And everybody started sweating. And them Chinese people were sweating that yin-yng smell. It smelled like it smelled like fucking, like soy sauce in the bus. It was fucking horrible. They had to open the top, the windows. It was a fuck.

Every time I took a bus to O'Passo. One time on the way back from Opaso, some lady gave me a big rock Coke. Big fucking. Coke Rock. And I said, fuck, I'm going to do half of it, and I'm going to bring the back to LA. And I get on the bus with a t-shirt, and I get on the bus, and midway, they pull you over, and they come on the bus with dogs. And they told me, they said, be careful because there's an Albuquerque. They stopped the fucking bus on the street. They just pull it over,

and they search the bus. And I had to crush the rock up, and I did it in one line. But I was sitting in the back of the bus. By the time the cops got to me, I had to my t-shirt off and I was just fucking sweat. But the dog didn't smell the coke? The dog just kept looking at me, like the dog knew it was gone. You know what I'm saying? Like the dog didn't bark. He's like, you motherfucker, you didn't already.

What do you do with like the baggie? I fucking threw it out the window. I ate it. I forgot what the fuck. You would eat it? Fuck. Yeah, I ate a thousand of those things. Oh my God. Do you make the show for Barre? No, I came back. I was coming back. Oh, you were coming back? I was coming back from old pass. Remember, you and me

party a lot on the condo. The condo. One night, the pen, you were sniffing glue, ink by the end of the night. He was sniffing ink. You remember, you took the pen out of the thing

because we don't have no straw and you used this thing and there was ink in it. Oh, my gosh. It's ink in it. When you go to El Paso, you fucking snort. Yeah. Like, was you leaving? Any place, listen, Houston,

El Paso, Miami Any town I went to After the first time, by the time Rochester, I started some coke in Rochester Anytime you got there, they were waiting for you. Yeah, why is it that The first people to know we in town are the drug dealers? Why is that?

Is that true? Yeah. I was checking the hotel and I got a message from a drug dealers waiting for me. Waiting for you, dog. Waiting for him. Yeah. Waiting for me.

There was the same chubby guy in Houston with the tattoos and the fucking nose rings. He would be waiting for me at the club when I walked in. Wednesday night on the house. And then every night after that, and I could call them all night long, three in the morning, four in the... El Paso. We had the chick with the big tits. The waitress, real pretty phase. Real pretty face, big fucking tits.

Her and her boyfriend would deliver it all night long. You just know these people. I've been meaning to ask you this, because you're just... You've talked about in your act. Why did drug dealers close? If I was a drug dealer, like, just fuck it. Just make the delivery. I don't understand.

There's a lot of drug dealers that have certain hours, you know. In Hollywood, I had the one black dude that closed that one. But why would they close? It's not fucking a top of the hell? Because you don't want people coming to your house at one in the fucking morning, all, man. You don't want to leave the house at one. There's some guys that do it to a certain degree. It's like, remember the scene in pop fiction when John Robelta's character goes to the guy with a,

Eric was in it. The mask. After he was closed, he went there with that chick that was dying. Take her out of here. Don't bring no dead chicks to my house. That's rule number one. People have rules.

Let me tell you some. I know people that will not sell you shit again if you break their fucking rule. Get by the book. It's a business rule. Like what are the rules? Like what are some rules? Everybody is different.

There's people that are up all, man. There's people you can call it six in the morning. And I'm like, dog, I'm in a hotel and fucking Burbank, and I'm coked up. You're in fucking San Diego. I'll be there an hour. So, Joey, let's tell the story that you told beautifully to Joe Rogan, your body, Joe Rogan. Go ahead. Tell me, tell me.

Joe Rogan is, the TV show. The UFC. The UFC. The factor, not a few factor? Fear factor, too. Fear factor. Okay. So Joy told a story about me that happened in.

Rochester. Rochester. It's like he was. was there, world by word of what happened. I was amazed. Go ahead. Tell the story. Okay, so I get to, I love Angel. You know, listen, man, comedy is, when I got into comedy, it was because I had no responsibility, Angel.

You know, I got into comedy after I got divorced. My child and me had been taken from me. I already lost my mother. I went to prison. I did all this stuff already. And then I got in the comedy. So I became a fan on any fucking Bruce. You know, listen, anybody can fucking do comedy and go

out and have three people with them all the time. You know, can I get you something, Mr. Salazar? And, you know, all that shit. And then there's the guys that just do comedy and they act like a man. And I've always loved Angel's style

of doing comedy. You know what the sad thing about Angel is? Angel's going to do comedy until he dies. and that's it. And he's going to do it his way. And he was in two of the greatest films they ever put Carlito's way and Scarface. One of the greatest

fucking films of all time. He could go anywhere. Japan, the Philippine. He could go to a fucking igloo in Alaska. And after a week, one fucking Eskimo go. Chee-Chi, grab the snowball. You know what I'm saying? Something. That's just the way life is, bro. Some

people do that. He'll be in that. So, you know, When Joe Rogan goes on the road, he gets up at 7, he goes to cakebox and Duke Rupus, and he makes a kale shake. And that's fucking great, but any idiot can fucking do that. Anybody can do that. Anybody could go to bed at 10. I do it every fucking night.

I go to New York City, and I finish my show, and I go to the hotel. And I go to bed at 11.30 like a fucking asshole. And at 6, I go get oatmeal, like a fucking asshole. But there's a lot of motherfuckers that do it right, the way I used to do it. Where whenever you come in, you come in, Ari still comes in when he comes in. You know, if you talk to Ari, you could call Ari at 3 in the morning. I could call Angel at 3 in the morning any night. He'll be up.

He's a comedian. Comedians don't go to bed at 9 o'clock. I'm an asshole. I like going to bed early because I get up at 4. But real comedians, this guy is up at 5. So whenever guys like this go to a town, there's always a fucking story. There's always a fucking story Do you understand me

You know how I know Because how was that guy Yeah you used to get up No I used to stay out on a fucking night I could stay out all night There's blow and bitches And I was getting 500 a week I don't know how I was doing it

500 a week and buying a plane ticket And snorting and eating breakfast And drinking at bars with 300 dollars Don't ask me how the fuck I was doing it But I was doing it So I go to Rochester and they're talking, the chubby guy, and that's when the other guy was the partner, the tattoo guy.

That tattoo guy, yeah. The tattoo guy, yeah. And the tattoo guy says that, he goes, Angel Salazar is always guy. I go, how was Angel? He goes, oh, fuck, Jesus Christ, and right. For me, I get happy. Like, I'm like, thank God there's one guy left.

You know, and he's told me that you did the first show, Friday night, you were fucking tremendous. you got a standing ovation blah blah blah Saturday you came in first show first show you come in

kill him you get a standing ovation or some shit then the second show you go back there and you say I got to go lay down whatever

and then they said you know wake me up at 10 o'clock so a quarter of 10 they knock on the door no fucking angel they knock on the door again no angel finally he says

they took the door off the knife or something. Yeah, they broke the lock. And they fucking grab Angel and he's got like blood or foam coming out of his nose and they grab his feet and they're waking him up, Angel, wake that show's going to start. The show's going to start.

And they're just like, what are you talking about? No, no, no, no. I say, what show? What show? They say Angel, the show's about to start. I go, what show? The guy goes, second show. Oh, I go, second show. I guess did a second show. They said, no, you did the first show. So to this day, Joey, I believe that

somebody put a Mickey in my tree. Really? Because... A Mickey. And Mickey. How do I go from a standing ovation of first show to passing out on the second show? Now, it gets better. I go on the stage, and my Bruce Princeton week is the wrong way. They say I put it the wrong way. When I do this big, when I told the girl, you and me are going to be dancing in the dark and I could get the girl to dance with me. This girl didn't want to do it. I go, bitch, you coming up here, and I grabbed that girl.

They say that I went crazy. They said you grabbed her tits or you put your head in her tits and her father was there. I don't fuck. But it's something that you love to hear. It's a train wreck. That's what comedy is. It's a fucking train wreck.

They weren't mad. They weren't mad. They weren't mad. They weren't mad. They were laughing their asses off when they're telling me the fucking story. But then they said that you passed out. They put you in the Jeep.

They put your stuff. Yeah. That's the only time where the MC closed the show. Oh. Therefore, the host closed the show. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and what people don't know is that angels are the last of professionals.

Angel could go till 9 in the morning and then sleep until 7.30 that night. Even though the show is going to start late. take a shower and get dressed as he's walking get there at 10 to 8 drink a coffee and he gets dressed and by fucking 8 dirty he's ready to fucking rock and he'll give you the best 45 minutes you've ever seen after that what the fuck do you give a fuck

what the guy does do you know what you're saying have you been to back to Rochester I just did a few months ago that guy's nice nice dude Mark Mark is nice Apolito Epolito yeah nice guy nice guy

Nice gift. You know, I haven't been going back there. I go to Buffalo. You know what I'm saying? So if you work Buffalo, they all drive anyway. I wasn't selling enough tickets in Rochester or Syracuse. But when you go to Buffalo, they go, fuck it. Let's spend the weekend in Buffalo.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Right, right, right. Hey, hey, Joe, you start doing comedy in the 90s? I started doing comedy July of 91. 91. And then I sat in Colorado until I got divorced in 92. And then I was the house MC at a place called the broker.

The broker. In Boulder. And I stayed there to. Do you got to experience some of the outrageous craziness of the 80s, late 80s, after 87, 89? There was one time where the club owner would pay you either cash or coke. Say which one you won. No. You never got?

Oh, man. I was way, by the time I started doing comedy, like getting paid, it was 95. It took you four years? Yeah. And clubs were still slow. Like, I was getting 100 here, 200 here. But when I did it professionally, it was 95. When I said, fuck it, this is what I'm going to do for a living, was 95.

Bart Reid was the first one to Hellen, you know? I don't think so. No? I think Joe Chadwick was in Miami. Joe Chadwick, Pete and Houston, Bart Reed in El Paso. Yeah. You know, those guys always, they always had something going on. I had the best times in my life in El Paso.

I don't have enough time. I don't have, if me and you sat here and told stories individually, I don't have enough time to tell you stories about El Paso. From the first time I went there where the house, everybody knew that it was the comics house. In 97, the whole town knew there was the comics house. So people were dropping by. Yo, my name is Lee.

They said to come by if I ever had an eight ball. people would just knock on your fucking door all night women hey is angel here oh fuck that's next week i'm sorry you know it was like that all night to the point where it was scary every night i listened to you listen and you'd wake up to a party you come out and people would do them blow and that's el paso that's the first stop the fucking cocaine hits when it comes over the border in my line too that's the first fucking spot you know el paso's one of a few places that you go to a show

It used to be Tuesday through Saturday. Yeah, it used to be a long way. And I'll tell you something, man, by Wednesday night, you hook up with a chick in El Paso. And by Friday, that woman would come back with her husband on Friday night and introduce you to her husband. That's crazy shit. That's craziness right there.

You know, you had a couple bars to go to El Paso. The west side, the east side. But there was that one bar. All you have to do is walk in there. And they'd throw a fucking eight ball at you. It was fucking crazy. There's a guy that came to the show one day, and we were talking. And you know, you want cocaine.

Like, I wanted cocaine. And it was the late show, and I said to him, hey, do you know when I get some cocaine? He goes, come with me to the car. And he walked me to his Jeep, and he opened up the center compartment. And he gave me an eight ball. And he goes, do me a favor. When you go to California, send me a headshot, because he saw me in basketball. He gave me a bag and he goes, every time you come to El Paso, call me, and I'll bring you something.

And he did that three or four times. Lee, I can't even tell you. I can't even tell you. I should have been dead in El Paso. I almost died in Beaumont. I almost died in Houston. When you party in Texas, you got to bring it, son. What's your favorite El Paso food place?

Because every time you go to Texas, you're like, you have a certain place. Oh, fucking. Let me tell you something. The best place I ate in El Paso was. the condo, the old comic strip. The old comic strip was my favorite one. Yeah, the first one. What was the supermarket on the bottom of the hill?

There was a supermarket across the street from the comic strip. Right, but it was on the same bottom as the condo. Yeah, yeah. So all you had to do was walk to the condo. Let me tell you something. The reason I loved that club and that supermarket had Mexican food for sale. Yeah. They had food for sale.

Like they had soups and they had, but on Fridays, during lunch. or even without lent, they had Yucatan fish soup. I don't have to tell you, ladies and gentlemen. You could go in there with AIDS, with a missing arm, hung over, with syphilis and your asshole, and you drink that soup, and you'd be healed. It was delicious. I forget the name of the place on the other side that they used to take us. The big fat comedian and Patrick Candelaria, Patrick Candelari and his family would take us to restaurants on Friday.

The Mexican food, you'd die, Lee, you would fucking die. Steam would come out of your fucking ears. Delicious, delicious. They used to be, that's the last time I ate. Arbys. You and I were talking about Arby's last week. Why did he go to Arby's then? I don't fucking know, because it was a cross in the condo.

The condo in those, Lee, you got $300 for the fucking week. That's why you took a $70 bus ride. So you stayed with $230 fucking dollars. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, six days, because you still had a fucking trant, but on Sunday. You had $230 fucking, divide that by six, and you had to pay bills with that $200,000. So you had to get deals. See, it looks $40 a day. The supermarket.

And I had to do blow. You had to. You follow him? You had to do cocaine, right or wrong. So you got to make this shit work. There was no subway sandwich then. It was that place, the supermarket. It was Arby's.

and there was an all you could eat Chinese food. You're forgetting one, John. Which? Taco Cabana. But Taco Cabana was by the old condo. By the old condo. It wasn't by the... No, yeah.

It was about a mile down. That's delicious. Yeah, but if I had 40 bucks and I had that Mexican place next to me, and I went to Arby's, and I told you, they'd probably punch them. There was no Mexican place. It was a supermarket.

Yeah, so? It was a supermarket. But not every day they had good shit in there. Oh, okay. Some day they had tamales, but they weren't for your... The shit they had was Friday. Father was in a fan of a fish suit. You got a thing this fucking big for $7.

Talk for this fucking. No, but it's fun. Remember the gay guy, John? The manager. The manager. Tremendous. He used to float with all the comedians.

Tell Joe, hey, Joe, I want to take a bubble bath? He's crazy, John. But you know what? I love John. Yeah. I called John a couple times after he quit over there.

Yeah. John used to date one of the dog guys. Yeah, yeah. John was an old or white guy, but he had a Mexican. The Mexican boyfriend. boyfriend. Yeah, boyfriends.

Fucking tremendous. I'm telling you, this is a... As soon as you got there, the first thing you did was hug John so hard. That's how much I loved John. Fucking gay. I didn't get him.

He was gay. I'd hug him and torture me and we'd fucking torture other people and we'd go up to guys and say, John suck his dick. Oh, we used to fucking torment them. Yeah, we used to mess with him. They used to be a little

retarded comedian down there that during the week he would clean for Bart Do you remember him? He was a little Mexican kid He had a wife and two kids So he was a comedian

But he also cleaned the theater At night And he cleaned the comedy club for Bart So When you Bart hated him But Bart would torture him So as soon as you got there

Bart would say listen He's only come up to you and ask you for an intro Yeah Most intros are like you saw him in Scarface And Carlito's Way and in Living Color? Living Color, yeah. Right.

Coming to the stage, Angel Salazar. He wanted you to write a bio fan. Yeah. Or to make, because he didn't say it? So just the whole thing. No, I said, listen, just one credit, that's enough, bro. No, but I would write, Bart would say, write a bio for him to bust his balls.

Just to mess with him. Like three, four pages. I went to Catholic school, I played whiffle ball in the third grade, and then, but New Year's Eve, one of the, New Year's Eve, Bart made you throw confetti because the vacuum wouldn't pick it up so the kid would have to That's terrible.

The vacuum wouldn't pick it up. Yeah. So the kid would have to sweep the confetti. Oh my gosh. One of the best New Year's Eve I had was in El Paso, Texas. Wow. Because there was a waitress. It was her second night.

I usually don't tell these type of stories, but fuck it. Angel Sal is on here, and there's a special occasion. I'll tell you a funny story. Willie Valcena plays the club also. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm there the week after Willie Valena, but I came a day early on a Sunday,

and this girl called from Fort Blitz. She's in the Army, right? And she called the condo. And I pick up, you go, hi, Willie Valcena? I said, no, Willie's down for the week, honey. Who are you? I'm Angel Salazar. Willis Barcena is not here, but I am.

you should come by and she goes, what you look like? I go, I look just like Willie Barsena. And she came by. And Willie has let baby oil and a bunch of kinky stuff. And she came over. Took a taxi. Came over. Beautiful girl.

gorgeous, man. So she spent on everything. A few weeks later, I see Willie Balcena at a lot factory. I said, hey, Willie, I owe you for the baby oil. He goes, I heard. I heard. I heard. You used that shit I left. I'd say, well, you're not going to use it anymore

because it would be six months before you come back. But like you said, when you think of city, a party town in New York? It's a fucking party town. What happened with the waitress? Okay, so hold on, the angel. Let me tell you this story. So this is 90, this is 2000. I'm doing comedy with Kozak, the magician.

When he was doing cocaine. Yeah. fucking, it was a weekend of horror. Or maybe it was 99, because it was before Terry. It was maybe 99. And I'm down there, it's New Year's Eve, it's fucking dead. Maybe 100 tickets. Are there coming to it?

Bart is pissed off. Bart's pissed off. I don't know what the fuck's going on. But the girl had started the night before. And I talked to her for maybe five minutes, and we didn't talk about anything. I didn't say nothing sexual I didn't say nothing about dating it was like it was your first night

you like it yeah some guy's tip me some guy puked on my shoes that type of shit so the next night I'm talking to her again but in the old club remember Bart's office was by the stage I'm talking about the old club the old club and there was a thing there

which one day I fingered a girl in that little thing a fucking chick from the audience while Angel was on stage she went out to get a drink she went over to hug me or something and I felt her waist or something and she grabbed my cock and I grabbed her pussy and she kept grabbing her through the jeans

and I walked her over and just stuck my hands and was fingering her in the audience room behind that door there Bart's room was there was a green room back there but there was a little door there I was fingering this lady

that's a complete different fucking night so this particular night it's this girl's second thing I usually don't tell sexual stories or sex stories I'm an ugly dude I'll tell you what the fuck happened. It's later night. It's late at night.

It's a special Sunday night edition. So I'm sitting by this door. That was where the green room was, but it was also Bart's office. So the office split. So one part would be a couch with a TV and a little refrigerator, and the other thing would be Bart's office, where you went to get paid. So me and this waitress started talking. And one thing led to the other, she started talking about a pussy.

and I'm like, what the fuck is she talking? You know when somebody throws you off guard? Like, what the fuck? You're talking about pussy? Next, you know, I'm fingering her, too. And we go back into the thing. I take her inside of Bart's office. I eat her pussy.

Then we realize it's Bart's desk. So we get up and we go into the bathroom in the green room. We're in there, we fuck, we suck. We're in there for 20 fucking minutes. We come out. Happy New Year. We don't know what the fuck's going on. Nobody says nothing.

A couple of comedians. I don't know who the fuck I was there. they were like bro where were you and she's walking around with a twisted shirt on I'm walking you know here's the funny thing within an hour she was making out with a different guy outside it was fucking disgusting I mean it was fucking one of the worst nights in my life I thought it was fucking good looking I felt good for 20 minutes and she was a waitress and she quit she never went what she looked like fucking hot that's what she looked at her name she was a man she was a man Mexican chick with like brown hair.

She was young. She was maybe 21. I was maybe 30-something, 35. She was her second night. She's never been around the comedy world. She got hit on a thousand times. Now she got eaten in the fucking office. She sucked a dick.

You don't need that type of aggravation. Fucking El Paso. And Miami was just, I would go to Miami and have to sleep for a week. That's how, bro. I would go on there for two weeks and do blow. every fucking night. And not just blow. 7 a.m. blow.

With wet willies. And pills and fucking alcohol. Miami don't close, Lee. Miami closes from 5 to 6. The news cafe would close from 5 to 6. But at least you didn't miss no show. You didn't miss no show. Never. Never. Never.

We have a mutual friend that was notorious for missing shows in Miami. Disappear. A mutual friend. I don't know. I know George Lopez missed the show one night. He missed radio, and then your buddy from In Living Color disappeared. Which one? The black dude. He left.

Oh. In Miami, he left with Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. Yeah, and Bobby Brown. You don't come back from that trip. Yeah. When you leave with Bobby Brown. Tommy Davis. Tommy Davis.

Left with Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston's MIA the next night. It's tough. Listen, man, it's not, when you're hooked and you're hooked on the road, I tell a story about smoking crack for six weeks. Oh, really? You know, on the way home from the comedy store, I would stop on Selma and Orange in Hollywood. This is 15 years ago. This is when I first got here, and I didn't know. I saw, you know, a couple of black guys standing out there, and I, you know, gave the guy the look, and I went over and bought $20 worth of crack.

And I went home. I didn't know it was crack until I got home. And then they said it was crack. So next night I went home and bought it and smoked it and I got hooked on crack for a while You know how I got clean on crack? I went to El Paso really I went to El Paso I did real cocaine and then I stopped smoking fucking crack again Wow, that's how crazy my law how the fuck you quit smoking crack by snort and fucking go I don't know that's hard because you they say I never I never got into a crap the scene, but they said it's very hard to quit I didn't even have a pipe.

I was smoking out of a fucking can. That's how crazy this is, and all this talk. Because once I got to the comedy store, my level went, shit. Once I got to L.A. in 1997, I went from 97 straight to 2007. Then I stopped, Angel.

And you believe that I stopped. Joey, what would happen if in the world of comedy the comedians have to do a drug test? What will happen? I don't know about now, but in the 80s, Nobody will work. Comedy Club will have no business. It's amazing the amount of, you know, listen.

But it's unfair to say comedians. It's anybody at this point. Everybody's fucking on something. Except Lee, this fucking guy don't do nothing. What are you talking? I'm so high right now. Yeah, because you, but you eat the other one. No.

Let's see another half. You go home, you see the devil. I have one half. That's fine. Listen to that Jew music. Let me play some music for me. I'm not going to play this Kinnah music with two old-school Cuban guys. I can't play that.

sure you can okay well Cuba music no he makes fun of me I like this I like this is this is what you want to see last week you went to see a nice band last listen can they hear us in Armenia right now what can they hear us in Armenia yeah we probably have people yeah I got my Armenian friend here who want to say that best line from the movie's car phrase okay go go ahead Leevan what was the music really don't look at him let him do it you'd set that out yeah yeah say Say hello to my little friend. Oh shit.

You see what I'm saying? You see, Lee, what the fuck? You're slipping here. You're slipping here. It's a Sunday night special edition. And you're not prepared. For what? I live the ads player.

Prepared to have this shit ready to rock. Okay. The fuck, the Angel Salazar is here. He don't need this aggravation. He could be somewhere right now getting this pipe swimming. See how you dance. I don't wait. Dance with people at home.

They did about an hour and a half. Yeah, you went straight. No fucking nothing. No, well, we sat and watched the opening act. I was fucking love. That's club music? Yeah. That's fucking some type of music.

Enjoy it. You there in the fucking? Yeah. No, I'm on the floor. On the floor, that you? This is me right here. That's me right there. No, but that's you on the floor over there?

Yeah, that's me up there. The little Cuban party. Yeah. Right there. That's me right there. Yeah, this is the one that we make of the longest young Little Rainer movie with Adam Sanglet? Yeah.

And there was a scene that you're eating a cheeseburger. Something where is a cheeseburger. Remind me. Listen. Fuck the longest shot. We're going to talk about some shit here. Yeah. So you, you got Scarface first or you became a comedian first?

Which was it? Scarface first. Okay. So did you book Scarface out of New York City or out of Los Angeles? New York City. What were you doing in New York at the time? You got the call for the audition. No, I was doing a plane in L.A.

And when I, when I, some people that made the call for me, they say, oh, we don't want to use Mexicans. The figures go, I was in L.A. I was Mexican. They said, we're looking for Cubans. So I say, you know what? I'm not going to wait until they come to L.A. I'm going to go there. So I thought the people in charge of the playlist, I'm going to go to New York and they hook me out with an agent.

and I auditioning in New York. Did you read for Marty? Marty Breggman, Brian DePama. I had like three or four callback. The last one, it was on stage, me, Stephen Bauer, and Pacino. At the immediate Columseo in Hill's Kitchen. Yeah, that was the last audition. First is the casting director, then the director, producer, you know.

So the last one was to see the chemistry between me and out. Manolo. Yeah. Now do you know who else was up for your role? I guess a few people up for my role. Who was it? One of them was Andy Garcia. Okay, Andy. Yeah, Andy Garcia won in the part of Chi. A couple of Mexican actors from L.A. I forgot what the name. The first, beside Apachino, the first people to get cast in the movie was me and Stephen. Yeah, we're the first one. And the, Marty Breckman. told Stephen, listen, you got it.

You got it under control. You got it. I just got to see the other actors for political, you know, bullshit that they had to go through procedures. So they saw a bunch of actors that were in and out, in and out. Yeah. So then, okay,

so now you went to the fourth audition. When did they call you and tell you you had to roam? Not long within a few days. And when did you start shooting. You started shooting in Miami first, correct? No, no, first shooting was in California.

In California. Yeah. And how long did you shoot in California for? About two weeks in California. Then we went to Miami for three weeks. And what scenes did you shoot in California? Nothing. The only thing with Charlie in Miami was the chains up, the motel. Right. The motel, the Cuban sandwich, where they're working. that was in Miami, but most of it was in California studio. All the stereo, they shot in Miami, all the exterior.

Yeah, but I don't know what happened. I heard different story. They say that the Cubans were upset, that they do a movie about drug dealers, about Cubans, and they didn't want the crew there. So all kinds of story. But I think it's money, because it's money, because it was cheaper for them to shoot in Universal Studio and the lot.

Then, the location. Oh, we were two weeks in Santa Barbara. Oh, and then New York, another week. Remember the bomb in the Nissan car? Yes. There was New York one week, yeah. And then what did you shoot in Santa Barbara? Sosa's house?

Sosa House, going to Colombia. Yeah. Yeah, that was a big house, big mansion. Now, the house where the Pacino lived at the end, right, when he dies in the pool, the exterior is in Colorado Gables, in Miami, but inside is in Universal Studio.

Yeah. It was inside of the studio. Yeah. What's up, Lee? This just really hit me right now. So it's funny, because you offered Angel one of the medical marijuana cookies, and you've talked about partying and stuff,

but you're like, no, I don't know, no medical marijuana cookies. You know what? would you stick to the drugs we know and we know last week in Reno one of the comedian gave me a paper marijuana paper

to do you think bro I had a trip that I didn't enjoy I got scared I was nervous because he just lasted all night I was tripping and I asked a guy what the fuck did I take because he just I'm not used to it

so no marijuana for me good for you yeah so how in between the last shot that it take for the movie to get released. Because this, I was living in Colorado. Okay, I was done. I was living in Colorado. I was a burglar. I was going to school.

And I landed in Newark, February 1st of 1984. And the first thing, they get my luggage. We're getting the car. My friends are smoking pot. They're doing coke. And they go, do you see Scarface yet? And I go, no. What are you talking about?

And they go, it's a new Pacino movie and went to see it in Seacorcus. I mean, I didn't go home to eat nothing. We went from the airport right to Scarface. And we went to the 1 o'clock or the 2 o'clock or the 3 o'clock in Seacorcus. And it was sold out. It was packed.

We had a seat. We had to sit by ourselves. That's how fucking packed it was. It was released on Christmas. Christmas. And the joke was Merry Christmas from the Universal Studio. That was a joke. Because it's a violent movie.

Come out on Christmas. It's supposed to be a family week. Yeah. Merry Christmas from University Studio. And did your life change immediately? Yes. Yes. Especially women and cocaine were free.

Yeah. We're free, yeah. You know, there was a lot of gangster, a lot of big-time gangster on Miami on the set, hanging out with us. No shit. Yeah. Yeah.

I had one guy during lunch time around seven o'clock at night we broke for lunch. He said, come on for a ride. Let's go, you know. So I go in his car. We got to stop by the cops because one of the lights was not working on the event. The cops look around and give him a ticket. And the guy, we go, oh, my God, we came so close. We are so lucky I go, what?

He said, let me show you something. On the trunk, he had two usis. In the trunk that the cops didn't see. Can you imagine? I would have been in jail for accomplice, no? Jesus Christ, Joy. And one guy, one guy took me to his house in Miami to say, you know, the movie you're doing,

that stuff on the movie, it's not real. Let me show you something. And show me a kilo. You have some crazy people hanging out on the movie set, bro. Oh, Miami was fucking crazy. In the 80s. In 1984, it was fucking crazy, man. It's hard to believe that, like, there were regular people who just did the math

and figured out they could sell blow. So they would get people like your dad would just one day pick up and get $30,000 and go to Miami and think he was going to get in the cocaine business and take a plane back to Boston and try to sell it. It was fucking crazy. Yeah. The guy, the one guy that became a millionaire for doing, making the cigarette boats, the one that's skinning and go very fast. He did it for the drug dealers. and it became like a fashion.

Remember Miami Vice? So everybody started buying it. The cigarette, they were fast. You ever seen those? The cigarette boats? It's really amazing what Scarface did. It just blended. It came out.

The timing was spectacular. It was, you know, because the Cubans had come over in 80. Like that whole thing went down in 79. But the Cubans started showing up in 80. Like by fucking 83, they were everywhere. I remember getting weed on 160th at Amsterdam, and these motherfuckers were dark, and I thought they were black, and they were Cuban.

Really? What the fuck? Now, how old were you when you came from Cuba? I was like 14, 14 to 15. And where did you go from what part of Cuba? Guantanamo, Oriente. To where? To the Navy base, the 6th mile across. Right, and then where did you move to immediately?

Well, at that time there was a house in Miami called La Casa de Janeiro, of La Libertas, Freedom House, where they put the Cuban until they find a place for them. Some go to Connecticut, someone. So I said, I want to be an actor.

I want to go to Hollywood. So they found me a house in Orange County. Orange County? Are you by yourself? No, with what they call faster parents. Okay.

Yeah. So when I became 18, I went to New York to start acting. It's so funny because I went to Lee Strasberg. Stephen Manolo, he went to Estella Adler. You know, the method acting. Right. Yeah, so I went to New York with that.

And then came back to L.A. to do plays and stuff like that. But when I came from Cuba, I knew what I want. I want to be an act. There was no plan B. At 14. Yeah. You knew it. I knew what I wanted.

Yeah. Where's the rest of your family? Cazans, Uncle in Miami. but most of the family is still in Cuba. No shit. And you've gone back. I went back twice. And what do you think? The people are content.

They don't talk politics. They seem very happy. How the hell they seem content? I don't get it because there's some time of the day where they have no water. Sometimes they have no electricity. But it's like nothing bothers them. You won't be able to leave like that, right?

No. They adapt. They adapt. They adopted. But here's the thing. When I went to Guantanamo, right, the first time, the first thing I asked my brother, where are the white people? Because a lot of the white folks left. So Castro is being supported by the person from the countryside.

And, you know, all the middle class people left. You know. So it's all dark. Well, not all dark 100%. but this yeah yeah isn't the lot of those people middle-class people that I live houses real nice houses and if you get the house to some poor black guy from the ghetto of course you're gonna be supporting for that right yes or no yes so they say they say well when companies and in Cuba when it's over and the Cubans are

gonna go back to my to Cuba and reclaim the houses yeah right Who's going to get them people out of the houses? They've been living there for 40 years, right? No way. What he fucking is. Yeah, no way. Because that's what he did. Same thing in Russia.

They didn't do that in Russia? They give the houses to the poor people and have like 10 people living inside. That was a long time ago. Yeah. When Lenin did the revolution. Yeah, the revolution, yeah. And I ain't got to pay rent.

They don't fuck around in Russia, Jack. No. 10% every fucking day. They got to pay rent now? Somebody knocks on your door every day. What is the Yum Yum Juice? Yeah. We're showing up and we don't want no cafe Cubano.

No cafe Cubano. It's amazing that I still have a sister there. Oh, yeah? I recently got in touch with a lot of people. You know, I got in touch with cousins. My cousins are in the national band. You know, heckies. Really?

Yeah, man. It's crazy. They're all musicians. Wow. Hey, you ever saw Celia Cruz in concert? I saw Seleuze Cruz at my mother's bar. Really? Are your mom's bar?

A little kid. Coño, what co-o-que-cosa. Drinking at the bar. Yeah. Wow. And she paid her sugar.

The real stuff. The real fucking stuff. Yeah, this is no shit. Wow. Celia Cruz is the queen of salsa. Cuban lady. She passed away. And she said,

I'll never go to Cuba until Fidelis gone. And she never went back. She was at your birthday party, right? Yeah. My mother had a bar on 29. Bergen line and you know she knew a lot of those people so they would come to the bar I saw Sally a couple times I never seen a perform I saw her at like a social thing oh like a social type situation she'd go to the bar 15 minutes she'd have a driver outside you

know stuff like that was really fortunate yeah yeah there's a this a there's a I believe that one of Cuban trumpet play a very famous kid but Andy Garcia has helped him right right right to come here chow and all those guys yeah one of those guys he plays the bass i got one of his songs yeah yeah and uh and celia cruz not celia cruz gloria stephan when remember uh laur de marialitos was sent back and they didn't know what to do with them and they were stuck in guantanamo for wow and celia cruz went there not celea cruz went there no rle stef when they did a free concert and she got him out no no i don't know she got them out But she went there for anything to entertain those given that were holding in there.

Very nice. Yeah. Speaking of music. Oh shit. It's our usual little Tony Bennett. Yeah, Tony Bennett. My Armenian business partner is going to take over. I'm going to use their bathroom.

Yeah, take it time. Okay. Oh, shit. Comey. Comey. It's Monday. To the microphone. September 8th.

All of a beautiful day. to be alive. It's Levan. Do your thing. Get up. Wash your nuts. Go out there. The world is waiting for it.

All squats on fucking Monday. Keep playing it. Keep playing it. Somebody who will swear to be true. It's a beautiful fucking jam. Wait, what's the story? You're sitting there. I'm pretty high right now.

You're always fucking high. I know. You always keep you off. You're caught? Not really that much? Who takes care of you like me? You think it's those fucking stamin, your CVS crop drops, you got that? It might be.

No, what flavor on there? Honey, something? Yeah, right. Honey lemon? Hummus and fucking Ogats juice. And you know what they do for your throat? What? Nothing.

It's that fucking weed, I told you, relaxes you. You're not all tight like a mook. You came in all tight like a Martian. You were all serious tonight? When was I serious? You know why? Because you didn't see the wife this weekend. I did.

You went down there and ate, but you didn't give her a stab in the hallway. And pull her hair. with you and leave that fucking monkey everything. No. What am I going to do with the mom? I can't. Fuck the mom. Give a five bucks. Tell us around the corner and get cheese. And what? The room that has pictures of the Virgin Mary and crosses

the dead dog on the counter? Just turn the lights off and jizz on the tits. I don't fucking know what to tell you, your cocksucker. I'm just trying to help you out of here. And then Giles, I love your cocksucker. Bobby Powers, Connor Wilson, Dead Squad.

All of it. All of it. That's why I love you. Charlotte. Leon Vega. I love you, cocksucker. Dan Pizzini, Joyce, Goo Goo Bye, M. Rob, Fitz, Patrick, you bad motherfucker.

Over here giving you some shout-outs, because I love you. Had a great weekend with the family. What do you do? I did everything. You know, the thing is at a point in our life right now where it's fucking amazing. It really is.

The wind is out of my stales. Did you see Terry's eye yet? What happened? Oh. I go to fucking physical therapy right on Friday. By the way, for people asking the knee is tremendous. I went last Friday. The knee's at 125.

The other knee's at 135. Once the heat knee hits one dirty for the curve, I'm done. It's a 12-week program. They're going to kick me out after three or four weeks. How long can he do on the bike now? Because you start off at like five minutes. I did 30 today. I hit the bag for 10.

I knocked the back. The bag is done at the Y. Like Captain America. And I did all my regular exercises, you know, toe raises and squats. And you got to get a ball and lay in your back and leg raises. You got to strengthen the muscles around the kneecap. And then you got to do all these basic shit. It's all it is.

It's just basic stuff. I finally got into the machines, a squat machine with no weight. I do three sets of ten. I do the leg extension and the leg curl. Three sets of ten. And I did the epileptical for one minute. One minute. Can I start somewhere?

Tomorrow will be three minutes. Wednesday will be five. Are you doing the regular one? Or they have this new fancy one that's like you're climbing up? That one looks fucking hard. I don't want to put no stress on my knees. I just had surgery. Tuesday will be two weeks, you know.

So I'm not in business to be GSP or anything. Yeah. I'm trying to develop this slow and along the way. Fucking Friday, I was in the phone with John Butt from VMA. Mm-hmm. You know, we're talking about Jiu-Jitsu, and he goes, and he's going to come to the beginner class tonight, and I actually forgot.

Like, I was like, you know what? That's not a bad idea. I'll be there at 7 o'clock, and I hang up with them, and I go drive around, and it just dawned on me. I just told John that I was going to go to Jitsu class tonight, and I was too embarrassed to call him back and go, John. I just had fucking surgery. Yeah.

You know, but. It's kind of hard, because I haven't been able to go to the gym this week, and I even asked the nurse, because someone said to me, oh just sweat out the mother-in-law said you should go sweat it out and so just for the sake of it I asked the doctor I said hey does that work and she said no she said she said that during the summer a lot of people want to be active so they come in saying I've been sick for three months but I'm working out so she said don't do it don't do it I know for a fact that listen I've done it a thousand times but here's the deal a couple times when I was trying to lose weight I did it and I got sicker

I got sicker. So what the fuck is the... Sometimes to move forward, you go back. So what's the... You know what I'm saying? Just take the week off, do something else. Work on push-ups in your house. Turn the air-conditioning low.

Don't really break a sweat. Breaking a sweat is the whole thing. When the fucking sweats on your shirt, now you're in your car. You know, it's all part of it. So you just take a couple days off. No, I'm fine. Actually, I've lost weight, but it's...

No, no, you're looking good. Look at you. Flex for these people. Oh, I'm showing the muscle. Have you started lifting it? Popped the an avarge. You got from the black market? Why else he didn't get him?

That's what I'm saying. You got to start doing these steroids. You got or what? You said by the end of the year, you know, like fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger. Like a Jew Arnold Schwarzenegger with muscles on top of muscles. That'd be great. That's right. The Yama con, though.

Gotta have the Yama con. What the fuck? But no, everything is... So how's Marcy doing? She's almost... She's 20 months tomorrow. Yeah, that's how she's doing. She's a month.

She's a month. She's a month. She's a month. What the fucking thing she's doing? I don't know. When had she done new? We took a look at Montessori. It was very nice.

We had to put her in there two days a week. She went in there like a school. They're starting preschool already? Yeah. She was going to start preschool in January, though. Wow. We're in the process right now if we're shooting in the toilet. Is that hard?

Oh, she pisses and shit. I had a... She pissed outside the bathroom door there. I was over there with a towel. Like fucking carries me. mother with the fucking town cleaning up something. I guess she's

shit in the tub two nights ago. It's a kid, man. She's a fucking kid. A lot of fun. You got kids, brother? Yes, I do. How many? Two.

They're a lot of fun. I'm 50 fucking one. Where am I going? I got to chase a fucking 20-month-old. She's lightning, bro. Fast, yeah. Lightning. It's tough.

The last two weeks have been a little tough with her since I had the surgery. I think I'll do a little better this week. I have a little bit more movement. You're not going to get that leash for the kids? Nah, but I'm happy. Everything's going well.

I've been writing the thing for Ari. I'm performing the 15th at the Cheetah. Oh, okay. This is not happening. And then on the 18th to the 20th, I'm at the Bray Improv with Matt Fultron and my man DiAgostino. Then the following week, I'm at Gotham Comedy Club. In New York, New York, we ain't fucking around. Late shows, right?

Late shows. 1245, Friday and Saturday, Saturday. Shut the window toward them. Take the woman out to dinner and then come on down to Gotham. And then we got the laugh factory starting October 8th. I'm hosting a new Dets Squad series. Once a month, we're going to do the podcast. Oh, cool.

We'll sing and a little dancing. You know, we try people. Which one? Which laugh factory? The one at fucking Long Beach. Okay. No, you didn't. Yes, I did.

Take the 7, 10, watch your pussy. We'll be down there. But besides that everything is on target, man. The podcast is going great. You're losing weight. The holidays are coming up. You know? What the fuck? And we're still writing a book.

The book, me and Jessica still put it. How's she doing? She's doing good? Jessica was in Colorado for a few days, and I keep having to give a shout out to the dispensary she works at in San Diego. I think it's alpha. They gave me a couple containers of weed that was smoking weed. Tremendous? Tremendous, like some purple shit and a PR they have, like a private reserve.

Uh-huh. I like smoking again. I really do. I don't know what? pipe? I smoke out of a pipe. I don't smoke a third of what I used to fucking smoke. Like if I get a gram from fucking that sunset place on Burbank,

it lasts me four fucking days now. Is it hitting you? Because I remember when you stopped, you were like I was smoking four joints and nothing. Well, I'll tell you what I'm doing. The pipe is fucking immaculate. The pipe is always spotless clean. So nothing sticks to the pipe inside.

You're like DeNafrio and Full Metal Jacket. I fucking clean that thing, like DeNafrio. This is my pipe. It's the only my pipe. It's the only one I ever have. I soaked that motherfucker. I soaked that motherfucker in two alcohols last week. And I said, I'm going to smoke with a clean pipe.

Every time I go out there now, I clean it after I smoke. I go out there, I take one pipe four in the morning. Right not when I get up. See, the secret was I was waking up and hitting the bike and hitting it right in the morning. Your lungs wouldn't even have a chance to fucking grow and breathe. I was just killing my lungs in the morning. Now I relax.

I get a little coffee. I eat some breakfast I take a shower I make a few calls Like a gentleman Then I fucking drop a little A number A number

And then I go on and do my business Then I don't smoke again at 10 I don't smoke again at 11 I smoke again like 7.30 at night Bam You can't walk in one leg Then I go do a spot I go run errands whatever the fuck I do at night

And about 11.30 Bam! Again with a cup of coffee Who's better than Uncle Joey They follow me, so it's saving my lungs. I'm excited about going back to Jiu-Jitsu. I was reading, last week I've been doing these exercises with the ball. Okay.

You know, those big balls that you see. Yeah. I've been doing these leg exercises from my knee. But then they made me through these hip things. So I got, my friend Salami gave me the Andre Galvow book. Okay. Who's he? Because he at the door.

Andre Galvow was a jiu-jitsu guy that just beat Channel Sunning. Oh, okay. Metamorphous. I don't know if you said. Where the fuck did he go? He's probably taking his shit. Who that? He just beat Andre Garvall on Meta Moris, and he has this book on how to be a better

Jitsu guy in one year. He has all these drills in the book and whatnot. And he's got a whole section of the, you know, the stuff he did with the medicine ball, so I started doing that a little bit, just to work on my fat stomach, just to get a little stronger around the core. I got no complaints, man. Last week I had a great week of sets at the store. You know, I'd been bombing there.

I'd been bombing at the store for two and a half weeks. I had to get to, you know, like we said before, that store has a, it's a tough fucking room, you know. As an energy. It's a weird energy. And I tell you, last week I did three spots in there, two at the Laugh Factory. I did one in Hollywood and one at the, and it just feels good. It feels good to get out there and write comedy again, you know. How long has it been since you've gone out?

Because it was a while, it was months when you're doing just weekends. How long has it been since you've done workout sets? Listen, I'm going to be as honest I can't. I moved here in 97 and Lee, I can't not lie to you. I can't look in there and lie to you. We were a team. When I got here, I didn't think I took a night off for about three or four years. Shit.

I just didn't see it. That was the work ethic. At least it was for me at the time. It's only like 15, 20 minutes. When I met, Rogan, that's something. No, no, no, no, no. Remember, in those days, I was Sam Tripp. me, Sam, we didn't go on until one.

Oh, so you said to hang on. No, we didn't hang. Okay. Only fucking Stiff's home. Oh, okay. You set your night early. So at 8 o'clock, you get in your car, and you would warm up a set at a, some open mic. Oh, okay.

No money, whatever, just warm up a set. So you did, like, a full shift every night? Every fucking night. And then I would drive to one of Felipe's rooms, or one of Willie Barsena's rooms, and I would fucking, uh, and I would, uh, and I would, uh, and I would, would do a set there or two sets and then fly would have a room and I would do one of flies rooms and then now I would go get 80 60 80 dollars maybe 150 some nights then I would get to the store and it really doesn't matter what time you get there I'm the one o'clock set I'm 1 a.m.

So even if I get that quarter after one it doesn't matter there's going to be a sad fucking stage for me you know now they give me 11 o'clock spots you know it's amazing how you work yourself up the ladder. So it's been an experience, man. Yeah, you've been excited the past few nights. Very fucking excited. I mean, listen, I was coming here, and I was not preaching about getting out of your comfort zone

would be disgusting, and I was living in it. You know, I was going to bed of tan. I was writing minimally, you know. If I'm home during the week, I would get a set of John Lovitz on Saturday, maybe the ha-ha on Wednesday. Listen, when you're doing it, stand-up. You cannot grow on two sets a week. And I know this going in. I knew this from being here.

You just heard Angel Salazar said that I got really strong in a short period of time. Because it's not how many people you shoot. It's who you shoot. You know, you have to mix up your sets. You just can't go to one place when you're fucking starting out and expect this huge things to come. You've got to go to different venues to test your material. You were there when I was doing the cat bit. the cat bit in front of that squad people. It's gold. At the comedy store, it died two times in front of you.

Yeah. You understand me? I had to adjust. And that's what the stand-up comedy is. You're back. Look at you. You're back like fucking ACDC in 1981. Did you check that place out when you were in Reno?

The cat house? No, I never went to a cat house. It's in Reno, right? Yeah. It's like the Master Ranch. Yeah, the Bunny Ranch. The Bunny Ranch? Yeah, get closer to the Mike Papa.

Yeah. Anyway, Joy. Joy, joy. So when we're going to do a show together, brother, you and me? Whatever you want, brother. Yeah, let's do it. There's something in Miami. Let's do something in Miami.

Maybe, no, I got New Year's already. Where are you for New Year's? I am in Cleveland, Ohio. Again? Yeah, different club. Which club are you in? It's outside Cleveland. It's like 45 minutes from Cleveland near Akron.

Near Akron. What was it? I... Is it on your schedule? Yes, it's on my schedule, yeah. Now, are you still working every week, Angel? I'm working every week, but the past three weeks has been decent money. What I mean, decent money is the money that we used to close to what used to get paid 10 years ago.

Right. Because a few months ago, I was doing those Mickey Mouse gig one night at a nightclub at a restaurant with like $300. You know, it's coffee money. So it's nice to make some decent money, right? And you still get a lot of people that come to see you on the market. Still a lot of Latins come to see you crazy. A lot of Latins and believe it or not, when I do places like Atlantic City, the casino, a lot of my fans are older people. For some reason, the old folks like my show too.

Well, we're old folks now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're fucking old folks now. Now, what happened to O'Bario and all that shit? Oh, Barrio, man. We came close to get a deal, but it didn't happen. We came close to get a deal. But John Leguzzamo beat us with a house of bugging that he did for a few months.

It was basically the same show. Same fucking show. Hey, it's who you know sometimes in the business, right? He had a connection with HBO. Yeah. He still. He still has a fucking connection with HBO. He keeps me writing the same shit.

Hey, Joey, why did Carlos Mencia, the mind of Mensia close down? It shut down. Why? He did six years. He did his season. They did how many years? Five or six, right? No way.

Not alone. Yeah. I thought it was only like a year or two. No, they did a couple seasons. Really? David Tarree was one of the writers. I'm not sure. I know where Chris McGuire was on them.

He did four seasons. Four seasons. Four seasons. Or four years, O five, Joey. It could have been how many episodes? Not very good IMDB reviews. You know, I'm working... 52.

I'm working next month in Denver for the first time. You know, I started in Denver. Yeah, right, right. And I'm working at the improv. I wanted to work with Jimmy Abeda. You know Jimmy Abeda? Mexican kid. You know Jim.

I heard the name, yeah. You know Mexican kid. Real nice kid. in Denver doing comedy for 20 years, you know. And I wanted to use him, and I fought real hard for Jimmy. I said it would be a two-headliner show, you know. And Jimmy was one of those guys that got me started. When I first started, Jimmy got me on the HBO tour with Carlos, you know.

And at that time, it was you, it was Carlos, you know. It's amazing. Things are changed, and you're still doing your thing. Carlos is still doing his you know Carlos did well for himself for a long time Carlos did great he did great he did great

he was too young to he did great he did great he did great he did great he did great he did great in 2000 from 2000 to 2007 7 8 years no even before that because I opened for Carlos

in 1994 with Jimmy Abeda and Carlos was already Yeah, he was already selling 2,000 seats, 1,800. Yeah. Yeah, in Denver. Abs of fucking looting. It's amazing how he lasted for a long time.

You know, say what you want to say. You know, he was one of the pioneers. Yeah, yeah. You know, I didn't talk to him a lot. I didn't talk to him at the store when I got there, you know. I saw him at the Ice House, and he's super skinny. I didn't recognize him. Somebody had to tell me who it was.

When was this? weeks ago no it was yours it was what fleece was there it's just uh joy you did a documentary somebody told me that they downloaded a documentary you did him and i uh do the doctor i went back and i showed my mother's grave and i interviewed some of my friends in new jersey that's it that was it oh it was that comedy documentary oh you know man i do enough comedy i want to see what the fuck i was you know you it was brief we're trying to do another one you know we're trying to win the process right now but doing two or three more but you know it takes time what is your rogan doing nowadays

he does a podcast he does the ufc you know this is called podcast podcasting what's that means it's uh it's a show like a radio show only in a different medium it's a podcast people download it every other day so tomorrow monday at three in the afternoon a thousand a couple thousand 100,000 people be having me in the living room. Wow. Manolo did a couple weeks ago? Stephen? Stephen did Beauty and the Beast.

He did the one I had with Felicia. Oh, but not the same one? Not this one. This is a different one. Oh, the Beauty and the Beast? Yeah, that's the one I was doing two, three years ago. Oh, okay. This is the new one.

This is the new angel. Yeah, how many weeks you've been doing here? At this place, three months. Three months, yeah. Yeah, but we've done, this is like 21-11. This is like 200. We do about two a week, sometimes three, but mostly two. Two a week, two a week.

Really? Have you ever done it when you go to a comedy club and you interview comedians after the show? No. No? So much work? Who wants to talk after the fucking show? Yeah, that's true. I just did fucking two hours.

You want to ask me questions about my childhood? Yeah, that's true. My wife is and, you know, what the fuck? That's true, that's true. You're still living in the Bronx? Well, yes and no. Yes and no. I was living in Brooklyn for a while.

For God, for about 12 or 15 years. They sold the house and the new landlord didn't want a tenant. So I'm staying in Brooklyn and in Bronx. Everything that I own is on storage. Because I'm going to be moving to the West Coast for a few months. You know, I'm going to stay here for a while. So everything that I own is in a story. And so I'm staying with a girl in the Bronx.

Okay. Yeah. You're going to come back to LA? Come back to LA, yeah, because this place smell like money. Really? I can smell the money. Okay. Yeah.

They're shooting a lot of things in New York now, Judge. They are. That's what I heard. A lot of shit. That's what I heard. I shoot a couple 40 pilots this year and some films. That's what I heard. Yeah.

All right. Are you working on anything? I'm not working on Dick. Nothing? I'm working on the podcast. I'm going to go on the podcast. road for a few weeks yeah I'm writing a book with a friend of mine Jessica I'm you know I'm doing a couple things I'm happy I have a baby oh that's why you

talk about that at the last factory the other night yeah you didn't baby I have no time really I can't really make plans yeah when I walk in the house I don't know what I'm gonna walk into you're near friend of my call me the dog I'm in your neighbor let's do lunch I said I'm headed home for starters so it's taking me 15 minutes to put ice on my knee But I gotta be honest, I don't know what I'm walking into. I may be walking into her not sleeping and she wants to jump on my lap or I might walk home and she might be fucking sleeping.

That's it, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. So you never know, bro. But you can go not far from Los Angeles, Vegas and do shows in Vegas. I do shows across the country. I'm going to New York in September. Yeah.

I'm going to Denver in October, in Baltimore, and Miami. I'm going to fucking Portland. Philadelphia. Oh, I'm traveling. Oh, okay, okay. When I travel, my wife stays with the baby. Yeah, right, right. And it's okay. I miss her, but I have to go work. I love doing stand-up comedy, and

this is what the fuck we do. This is how the light stay on. Yeah. So how I see how I don't say you're playing a lukempa. This is how the fucking light stays on. I can't switch governments at this fucking age. What the fuck would they think, Lee? If you switch governments, they would hate that.

Well, I think. So do you have a lot of things planned in L.A. now that you're moving here? Well, I wrote a movie called Cuban Sandwich. Okay. And I'm pitching it right now to a few people here in L.A. So that's my number one project that I'm doing. And then I do the role for money to pay bills.

Yeah, because you can't pay bills just working in L.A. New York City. No, no, no. That's coffee money. Yeah, you've got to get out there and work. And that's good to go out. Listen, when you're a stand-up comic, that's what you do. You know, I don't fucking like getting up at 3.30 on a Wednesday morning and driving to LAX and looking for a parking spot and taking edible and checking in and hoping to get an upgrade and flying.

You know, it's not something that I aspired to do when I was fucking growing up. But that's the job of a stand-up comedian. That's what you have to do. You have to fucking get up. You have to write jokes. You have to perform. You have to stay healthy. You know, you got to worry about your health.

You can't be fucking eating bad pussy. You know, you eat bad pussy. You got a throat infection. Who wants to talk to you? Who's going to listen? Your bread smells like dick. You know, what are you going to do, Lee? How are you going to act?

Bad pussy smells like Dick? Whatever the fucking smells like. I don't know what it smells like. I'm just trying to talk to you here, Lee. Angel, it was a fucking pleasure. Unplacete having you. Thank you, my manito, gracias.

Like I said, you made it possible for me to know I had a chance. Do you know what I'm saying? there wasn't a lot of Cubans doing this shit. I bumped into Andy Garcia in Dundra in 94, but I think you made it seem more attainable for me than Andy Garcia. Oh, really? You let me know that I could do it, you know what I'm saying? So thank you, brother.

Ever since I seen Scarface and I heard the voice, oh yeah, I said it, poned my Hamon. And I know that that's him. You know, I always knew that was him, and I liked how he said it, so there's certain Cubans. I fucking can't stand. like you, Doug. You're the real deal. Thank you, Bob. The rest of these motherfuckers,

they don't know dick about dick. Let me give a shout out for the sponsors. We'll get out of it. Try this marijuana. If you're going to go home. What is that? What is that? That's a green hornet by Gumi Bear. First sponsor, on it, helping me out with Strongbone. They don't fuck around. When I'm healing

between the ice, between the fucking leave and Strong Bone, they're helping me out. I've got to be honest with you. Somebody said, sent me an email last week. and asked me how my knee was and said that they were doing they're recovering from a shoulder injury

and strong bone help them out if you're recovering from an injury and you want to give it a shot I'm not talking about your leg is broken and you don't want to go to the fucking hospital so you want to buy strong bone to mend it don't be a fucking jack off

I'm talking about you sprained your ankle and you want to help that up situation you're putting ice on it you're staying off it you know I'm saying that type of shit you're taking care of yourself you're drinking water you're stretching your feet

Go to honor.com. See what they got to offer you. Alpha brain. They got the hemp force protein shakes. They got the immune. I mean, what's the name? Shroom tech immune. Shroom tech.

Sport. If you want to fucking run up hills and do backflips like circus de salet. Listen, do I ask you? Go to honor.com if you're interested. And you're going to be interested if you read up. If you know what the fuck it is, it's not a vitamin B. It's not a supplement. It's optimization.

you're going to be a bad motherfucker. Go to Onit.com and press the code word. Church. Church, bitch. C-H. You are C-H. Get 10% off. Let's say you want to send the house every month,

like my people at Dollar Shave Club. Go to stay on it.com, get an extra 10% off, and it gets mailed right to your fucking house. Who's better than you, Angel? Number two, Dollar Shave Club. Why do you want a razor that has a flashlight on it and a finger that you stipped up your ass

and a nose trim. You don't need that shit. All you need is two pieces of fucking metal that sharpened in your shave. Why do you want to go stand online like a fucking moot and lose weight when you can be getting your dicks up? What would you rather do? Get your dicks up or stand online?

That's how I'm helping you. I'm helping you to get your dicks up. Go to Dollar Shave Club right now. Right now, today. Look at the options you got. You got a dollar, you got $6 and you got, what, $8? Nine. Let me get one of those waters.

You see I'm over here seeing fucking camels. You know what I'm saying? I'm seeing fucking camels. I'm so dry over here. Just you have to tell me. Because I'm stoned to the gills. Me too. All right.

Dollar Shave Club. You're going to go over there. $1, $6 or $9. $9. And you're going to pick the package that you want, whatever options. You want one razor. Let me tell you something. It's the best razor.

I still shave with Dollar Shave Club. I don't fuck around. I still get the razor sent to my house. In fact, sometimes I shave them. Sometimes they go for two weeks. That's how good a quality risk. Why don't let me? Go to Dollar Shave Club.

Give it a shot. Why are you listening to me for? How many times I got to fucking tell you? Go to Dollar Shave Club right now. Go to the boxing press. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. Get $1, $6 or $9 a month.

You're paying too much for fucking races. Cut this shit. Get your fucking life together. Number two, Hulu Plus. I love you, cocksuckers. Hulu Plus, you're changing lives. You're saving money for people. And at the end of the week,

That's what the church was happening now. Not only can you come on here and listen to Angel Salazar, a.k.a. A.k.a.a. F.k.a.a.a. You could fucking get deals on shit. You could learn shit. You can learn how to fucking smuggle weed through a border. You can learn how to put coke in your left nut sack, correct?

That's what happens. They're going to play this tape at the trial. I don't give a fuck. What trial? Any trial. There's America. There's America. Ben Franklin. Remember? They signed the fucking paper. Yeah.

Declaration of Independence. You can talk. We're free. All right. Huluplus.com. You know what started five days ago? You know what started seven days ago? Tell me. South Park for free.

Oh, shit. Exclusively. Exclusively. Now anywhere else. Just on Huluplus.com. Huluplus.com is so much fucking more. They got current season episodes. Every fucking episode.

And you know what? Hulu Plus works on any streaming device. The Roku Plus. the fucking smart TV, the Apple TV, the Xbox, the computer. I don't give a fuck. After you stabber, you can press the computer in a fucking lung and you can watch your show on her eyeballs. I don't give a fuck.

That's Huluplus.com. They got tremendous shows on there. Just open the mouth for the sound. Just open them. I don't give a fuck. Check it out. You got the awes with Seth Myers. You got fucking the originals, quick draw.

We're not fucking around here. Go to Hulu Plus right now. $7.99 a month. Plus, here's what gets better. I'm giving you two weeks for free. Grati. Grati. Grati. When was the last time you went to a corner, you went to a dealer, and you said,

listen, I'm going to buy Coke from you every fucking month, but I want you to give me two weeks for free. Would they do that, Angel? This is a family show? This is a family show. Okay, good. What they do that? Someone's family.

Nobody would give you two weeks for free of anything, right? No. No. gives you nothing. Hulu Plus gives you two weeks for free. Go to Huluplus.com. Why are you fucking around? Why you giggling?

Lulu. Hulu. L-U-U-U-Pus. H-U-L-U-Pus.com. Right now, H-L-U-Pus.com. Slash-J-J-Y. Slash-J-W-E-W-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-E-L-E-E. Just Joey. Flash Joe.

Just Joey. Press Joey. Get two weeks for free. At 7-N-N-9 a month. Hulu-plus.com. I also want to talk to you about this company I love what they're doing I love the letters I'm getting the emails

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you know what I'm saying you ever have those people at your party show up in a hole in their neck they bring everybody down it's like farting and fucking not opening up a window You don't want those people around. You want to quit smoking. You want to be healthy. Go to Hair TheseSigs.com.

They ain't fucking around. You understand me? On top of that, they're tremendous. They last longer. Everybody else, you got one of these fucking Haley's Sigs, one of these stores. You're done in the day. This motherfucker, 1,200 pups.

2,000 pups. 2,000 fucking pups. Oh, that's what it is? 1,200 fucking pups. I'm going to give you a cigar. I'm going to give you a cigar range. You're going to fucking love it? This got nicotine?

Nicotine. 8 milligrams, 16 milligrams. grams, 24 milligrams. I got a fucking cigar that's got 16 milligrams. What's it do to you? What's it do? Oh, it's electric. It's not real.

No, it's electric, but like right now, I could smoke and blow smoking your fucking face in a restaurant in L.A. Really? Because it's vapous. This is famous. This is famous. This is hit e6.com. This is the future. Why are you paying so much for these fucking

fake things at stores? This is your last longer and it tastes fucking tremendous. It got nicotine. It's got nicotine. nicotine. Go to Hiddyss.com. Press what in the box? Joey's Church. Joey's Church and get 20% off. Right now, today.

Today, stop fucking around. They got the fucking nicotine ones. This is zero nicotine. That's blueberry, right? No, I don't, what am I, Puerto Rico? I don't know. I thought they're blueberry. I don't know. Maybe like blueberry. No, I don't like fucking blueberry. I don't even like blueberry cereal, cocksucker.

What are you got to insult me for? I know. I got a litchie out here. Go to Hitties6.com. Get 20% off. What are they pressed in the box? Joey's Church. Joe, I'm going to give Angel a couple of these things.

The other thing these things is doing they're going to give away free tickets to my New York City show at Gotham. Oh, cool. September 26 and 27. I have details for you on Wednesday.

I love you, Cock Suckers. Angel, without you, I wouldn't even be in this fucking room. I love you, cocksucker. Thank you for driving here. That's my main man. That's a badass Armenian right there. Lee, who's better than you

and the fucking Jews? Nobody. Nobody. Lee, thank you for showing up tonight. Thank you. I know you've been sick. Your pussy hurts. No, but this edible.

I was really scared about doing the edible hot sick, but this really helped. Wait. What the fuck do you think you're dealing with? Joey bananas. You think I love you? I have you around because I hate you. I love you.

I want you to be healthy. He was over here. Can I eat half of it? Why? In fact, I'm going to give you other half of this thing in private home. You're going to feel tremendous. I'll be Tom Cigar. I'll have to Uber.

Who gives a fuck? So what? You got an Uber? How much you got hitting under your matches? 40, Jesus. I love you guys. Stay black. Thank you, man.

Thank you, man. Thanks. Put some music on frames. We'll read the ad. Don't music on. All right. Now that this show is over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial.

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Better tasting, longer lasting, and the proof is in the ECIG. What's going on, buddy? I have dead cut, something. Oh, my God, I can't believe I got through it. Can you believe I got through it? Can you believe I got through it? No, I fucking can.

I'm happy you did cut, suck up. Put that on. Put that on. And if you want to buy a house, We have a house for sale on the 101 freeway. Liban, no really, a million in 350,000. Oh, no, really, that's a million in my soledity.

Ay, that's, that's lingo! Goh, guan, I want to go. I want to...