The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #218 - Joey Diaz, Betty Page and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: October 2, 2014

Betty Page of the Famous Bunny Ranch calls in to Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. Recorded live on 10/01/2014. Music: AC/DC - Soul Stripper Hector Lavoe - Todo Tiene Su Final

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and go to onit.com to get all of the great products alpha brain new mood shroom tech immune shum tech sport use code word church to get 10% off of your order oh shit you bad motherfuckers october first wednesday it's a beautiful motherfucking wednesday night fuck dancing with the stars and those fucking light-footed cock suckers it's the church of what's happening now october first the day the devil was fucked in the ass giving the bar Then they gave him to fucking ISIS. ISIS don't kill black people. Here we go. Kick that motherfucker Lee. What? Wiggle phone, go for Joey. What?

Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? I never kid. What? Oh shit. Oh shit. Linda Angus Young. I don't know how old he was.

He was just killing this motherfucker to fuck. Kick that fucking Lee. What? Oh shit. Shit. Take that monkey out. Lick it. Flick it. Stick it in there.

Lick that asshole. Lee. What? Oh shit. Oh shit. That motherfucker is on fire. Lee Syatt. Welcome. Welcome to you motherfuckers at home.

To the church of what's happened now. Guess what? We got no guest tonight. We got my girl Betty Page calling in from the fucking bunny rance to tell us how she got into it. What she does. Her special. all that type of shit.

It's just me and the fucking flying Jew. Welcome. What's happening, buddy? Not much, man. Where the fuck you, Bangkok, sucker? What's the other questions? I've been everywhere. I've been on the elliptical.

Been over at Skinny Kitchen getting a great meal. Where else could I go? You like that club chicken sandwich over there? Oh, it's so good. It's just, it's grilled chicken. They have a nice cheese. They have turkey bacon to save, so you at least feel like you're still getting bacon.

I don't get the blue cheese dressing. I go for mustard. But where it's at is the fries. The fries are, like, baked, and it's only 100 calories. I don't use the ketchup because I'm trying to save, but it's like nice and crispy, like potato wedges. Delicious.

Very nice. You have a nice time and everything's good? Oh, yeah, and it's great. You've got a goat cheese omelette? Like Heather McDone? Are you kidding me? A goat fucking cheese omel. Are you kidding me?

This is what we got to deal with in L.A. goat cheese omel. You imagine your way to having a bad day. Some fucking chick comes up to you and ask you for a goat cheese omel. Tell me you wouldn't fucking pull out one of those ice-sus fucking knives and slice a fucking jugger. you I know I would or I liked to

Goat cheese made me throw up the one time I had it's fucking That's for fucking people I don't know I eat goat you get go to fuck your mother goat cheese It's blue cheese cock suckers goat cheese or American cheese Yeah or Swiss don't tell me cheddar Cause so help me God I hit you and a head What's wrong with chatter? It's nice It's for fucking

It's like American cheese 2.0 No no no no no no no It's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive It's great to be here just talking shit You know when we do the pie With the podcast with the guest, it's just a different variation. You know, we don't get the same much. We do, but, you know, it's about the guest.

We, I think it's a minute. I don't get the same much. You always talk. You don't say shit because you're fucking stoned the death. Like tonight, now you're talking because I didn't fucking, that's it. We're not doing no more edibles. We went deep. I don't believe.

Someone write this date down. We proved our fucking loyal feet to So Kind cookies, the fucking chef, the new chef, the other night gave my donut. I mean, So Kind makes donuts. Those little idiot. I gave George one in New York. I gave it to him, like, when we checked it, I checked into the hotel, maybe about 7.30, quarter of eight,

by 9 o'clock. He was at the restaurant, and he was just looking straight. And he would look at the food, need it, and then look up. And finally he goes, listen, guys, I got to excuse myself. George was on heroin for fucking 10 years. That's how strong, fucking so, I mean, and they don't sponsor us or none. I'm just, listen, at the beginning of the show, we were talking about Hittie Six.

You know, if you go to a store, they cost $10. They only last one day and maybe two days. The reason why we have Hitty Sigs as a sponsor, it's a great value. We're looking for value here. When you go to a Chinese fucking lunch, they give you the soup, the fucking fortune cookie, the food rice, the egg roll. It's a value. You go there, you go, wow, for $6.99, they even give you a fucking soda.

Same thing with fucking Hitty, E, Sigs, same thing with... Everyone we're involved with. Yeah, no, everybody. Now, the life is great. they come around like weed Santa Claus every time they're down here with the bag. I just finished fucking the peanut brittle two, three days ago.

But it's funny how I forgot what I was going to fucking say about the money. George. George and the fucking food for the fucking money. Like a great place to go to this Chinese place in Chinatown, whatever. But what I'm trying to say to you is that for the 12th, like I went to the story

that they have a $40 edible now. That's 750 milligrams. Right? And they're not going to sell it because weed is, you know, for 15 bucks. That's enough for them. More than a week. So it's 700. And I told them it's too high level for this neighborhood.

They got regular ones for 20. They don't go nowhere. They're 180 milligrams. And you know what? The one fucking little brownie would do more damage than those $20 ones. I put the one little whole brownie over a fucking green hornet. Oh, that's much stronger. And that's tough.

And that's a tough call because the green hornet for $10. is the best fucking value out there. You know, like that, I don't know what they charge for gummies or monos, but those 250 calorie gummies, they fuck you up. Oh, yeah. They fuck you up, too. There's a couple things that take you over. There's a couple things at the stores that you've got.

A couple things just take you there, and they're getting away with taking you there. I want to get fucked up. I want to go over the top. I want to see shit. I want to giggle by myself. You know, I want to scratch my nuts. You know what?

The donut wasn't bad. The peanut butter really made it a little bit better, because usually I don't like weird tastes and I just for whatever reason chocolate and weed never really does it for me. That's why I prefer gummies. But the peanut butter really helped. But you know what?

On the elliptical yesterday, I didn't have a movie and I think I figured out why you're giving me the edibles. Because I used to get, not mad, but I've been trying to die and I keep fucking up with the munchies on these edibles. And I think I figured out why you give them to me. Why?

Because I'm sure you've done it. thousand. How many times have you lost and gained the way back? Eight thousand times? No, no, no, just that one time, you know, and then when I was a kid, uh, one year I wanted to get ready for basketball and I wanted a two on a diet or something with just one slice of American cheese and a protein shake and it was a wrong way of dieting, but it worked right when I was 19, you know? Yeah, but I must have lost and gained weight at least six times, at least. And I've been good on this diet, but I feel like what I came to the conclusion of yesterday on the

elliptical was, is that the edible is showing me that me eating like that is still in me. And even though it'd be great not to have the edible, I feel like it's forcing me to fight eating like that.

You always tell me, how come you go home and you don't eat? First thing I do when I go home is I drink a coffee. When I have those, there's tricks for everything. When you talk to a brick mason, a guy that carries airport luggage, the first day you start, you're going to go, Jesus Christ, I almost didn't come back, I was so sore. Yeah. And then he'll teach you, carries a hand cart. He does this, he does that. And he's like, you don't work.

You figure out how not to work that hard. Yeah. I figured out how not to let. Now, when I smoke dope, I don't get munchies. Really? When I eat edibles. Oh, Jesus fucking mother of Christ. Oh, late night.

Especially the more sugar the edible has. That's why I always try to get low-calorie edibles And low sugar and shit like that Cheeba-chu, even the chocolate ones is 60 calories That ain't going to make you Throw your diet off with five grams of sugar Oh no, the edible itself is that the thing that gets in weight But if I give you a so kind cookie

Yeah? That's all fucking sugar and milk and eggs So you're going to, that sugar is going to fucking drive you Insane later, later on in the night Like a two, you're fucking starving Sometimes that's why I give it to you Go home and pass out Yeah.

If you get up, yeah, not I eat get up and I eat four tangerines. Oh, wow. You know what it's like to eat four fucking tangerines? And by the third one, I wasn't even chewing them.

I was just sticking it in my mouth like a fucking... Well, that's... That weed makes everything taste like the most delicious thing you've ever eaten. Delicious, and the tangerines were sweet, but after two tangerines, I don't care how sweet they are.

You're like, Jesus, I want a fucking steak sandwich. Yeah, and that's what I have to work on because I... I've gone home and not eaten and I'm fine. it's almost like when you start eating on an edible, it opens it up even more.

You start cooking and shit. Here's the secret. Well, I used to go out and go to McDonald's, but I was trying to... No, now you're better than that. Now you're at least better than that. But here's the secret to it. It's to go home and find things to eat.

Like, you try with those fucking rice cakes, but they're so bad. So that's why I would never eat a rice cake. I'd eat something, but one thing I'd eat is all I'm going to eat. And it'd have to be really healthy. So if I had to cook something, I'd make a tuna sandwich, mayonnaise, heavy on the tuna, and maybe use one piece of bread and a couple crackers, just to

keep it low to fill me up. I think four crackers, I don't know how many calories. Not many. Depending on what can you get. That's what I'm saying. I don't even think I can eat anything. There's little tricks. I just have to run to my bedroom and hide.

I don't need a cheeseburger deluxe no more and an order of steak fries. Oh, dog. And a cream of turkey soup with a hair in it? Stop it. Stop it. From a diner, a Jersey diner. You got to have the hair. A cream of fucking turkey soup, a little strand of hair.

It could be a Greek hair or a Puerto Rican hair. Do you even take it out or you just take it like savage? To go. It's like eating pussy. Every once in a while you inhale a hair. What do you? You stop and pick it? No. You just swallow that motherfuckerato. It's an ice his hair.

If you're eating a monkey and that thing goes into your throat and it's just there while you're sucking pussy, what do you do? You're not going to stop and embarrass the girl. You just want to swallow that hair like a fucking in-and-out cheeseburger. I've never one get in my throat. Why not? You got to bite it off. You don't take that hair and they go crazy. What are you doing down there?

I'm a fucking savage. That's what I'm doing. You bite the hair? Sure. You do my little haircut with your teeth. You just bite that fucking hair to let them know. They fuck around. You'll bite that clit real hard too.

I don't give a fuck anymore. It's the Wednesday night. The day the devil was buried at fucking sea. That's it. New York was great. I tell you what I realized about New York. That was really, and I wanted to talk to the people because I've been getting great emails lately.

And one guy was talking about pain, and I was thinking, I'm going to, what the fuck is this guy talking about? As soon as I got off to playing Northburg, you know, when I go, the club gives me an allowance. Like most hotels, when you work a comedy club, most comedy clubs have a few hotels in the area. They do a deal with depending on the size of the comic that's coming in. You know, Joe Rogan gets a complete way better room than I get. You know, D.L.U gets a complete better room than I get. Bill Berg gets a great room. You know, don't get me wrong.

I get a nice room, but they get sweets with butlers and shit, you know. You know, me, I'm the type of guy I can sleep anywhere. I'm not like fucking Heather. I can sleep anywhere. As long as it's fucking, you know, I've slept in some wild places. When I go to North Bergen, I sleep at the Holiday and Express. There's nothing wrong with that. Because I'll tell you why.

There's reasons why. Because the other hotels are in Fort Lee, way away from what my world is. Or I could stay in the city, which means I'm going to be in North Beach. Bergen for a few days, so I'm going to keep going back and forth. That's just an extra ride, cab ride, ferry ride. I might as well just stay in North Bergen. All I'm doing in the city is those two nights of comedy and going over and maybe eating dinner over with Anthony over at the pond, something.

You know, I'm not going to fucking go crazy in New York. Did you see him at the Palms this weekend? You know, he came to the show Friday night, Anthony, but I did not. I remember seeing his face, but there was so many people, God. Oh, okay. You really can't talk. You really, there was so many. Well, you had like a few hundred people there.

a night, right? I'll tell you what, man. The New York crowds are, I'm home. Yeah. I'm home in a lot of comedy clubs when I worked there. They're my second home, but this got them and this crowd that keeps coming to the same show, Renee and that other fucking good-looking kid and a bunch of them. It's with New York people. The people that are coming and a lot of Puerto Ricans, the non-Dominicans, they feel me. They understand where I'm coming from, you know? I heard that Asian guy just took a vacation. Which one? The Asian guy who wouldn't shut the window? Who got mad at you guys last year? No, they blocked them out.

They fucking blocked them out, and they made everybody go in. I guess the one night they made it, how they get off earlier or something, just not to have problems out there. You know, they called me the one day, and they said, hey, we don't want to repeat or what happens. So, me, I don't give a fuck.

I like when people show up. The network shows up, and the family shows up, and we smoke dope outside and everything. But it was still a great crowd. I still feel, I'm out. I was at the stand Thursday night. That's Ari's Club. That's where Ari does a lot of confidence.

at the stand. And fucking Lee, the food is tremendous. That's what I've heard. I had a crab cake sandwich with arugula on a multi-grained bread. It was fucking delicious. You eat arugula? I love it.

I'm surprised. It's like a lettuce, right? Oh, no, it is. I just thought you'd have been like, there's been fucking ice bread for 74 years now eating an arugula. No. It wasn't even a rougal. It was like a spinach.

I'm saying a ruggler just because I love crab cakes. It was delicious, delicious. I think George had the steak sandwich. and he said it was not bad at all. Nice comedy club, small, very intimate staff is fucking off the chain. You know, Pat Mulligan, the guy who books it, they used to do cringe humor. Okay.

So that's where they're from, and they opened up a club. So it was all very enjoyable. But getting back to pain, you know, I stay at that hotel because when I have nothing to do in the afternoon, I force myself to walk around that neighborhood. The same neighborhood. Was it in the neighborhood you grew up in? Yeah, right by the county.

Right on the county. Right by the York Motel where the Iceman killed the guy in half. We stayed, not the hotel you and I stayed at. I stayed at the one next to it, the smaller Holiday Inn Express. And there's the York Hotel behind it, which is the Best Western or something. Thursday, I walked to McKinley, walked up the stairs, took me fucking 25 minutes. Those are the stairs of death. I had a limp up the last two levels.

You know, I was already up there. That's why you were skinny as a kid. And then I walked down the hill, and then I walked to Ray Canellas and Lisa Messina's house. How's he doing? Ray Cannell. I didn't see him. This was his old house. Oh, old house, okay.

So I walked over there to the corner, and I saw their old house, and what had happened. Then I walked back to one day. Then the other day, I actually walked to Charles Court and walked around the neighborhood. Nobody was out in the street. And I never made it to give him that terrace. I didn't feel like going up my old block. I don't know why. Something just...

I think that this time, the pain hit me. I realize why when I go to New York sometimes, I get a little froggy. I got to get out of there, because I got to leave before they. the pain settles. The pain comes in little spurts. It reminds me. I was telling you guys, Monday, I went to the cemetery. That's the first thing I do when I get off the fucking plane. So you went to the cemetery and you didn't go to give it on a terrace? No. Wow. It's like right next door. Yeah, I went to the cemetery with Carlos and I put flowers and I cleaned the grave off and there was rocks in the bottom. I mean, I pulled the weeds up in my hand,

you know, it was, and when I was doing it, I couldn't believe that, like I said, yeah, And I've been going to this funeral poll for 35 fucking years, this cemetery. But I cleaned off her plot really good, and I put the rocks to look really sharp. And I did that, and I saw Bobby Bender, and I saw Carlos, and I saw Loops, the first night. Great to see him. It was a tray of chicken colors. What is that like, though? I can't even imagine going to your parents' graves.

I've been very lucky. I don't have any grandparents left, but they all passed away when I was younger. I can't imagine going there. Like, has it gotten easier? Has it gotten harder? That has to be terrible. I don't know. I don't know.

Because once I go into that cemetery, all those feelings come back. Yeah. For a minute while I'm standing there, my mind takes me away. Like, it takes me away to the year after she died. And I had all these things on my mind, all this heartache and this confusion and fear. You know, I had all these things.

and I go through those emotions every time I stand on that grave but I leave happy like I leave very content when I go to the grave I leave like if I don't know I couldn't imagine

there's a couple times I've gone back and not gone to the grave and I felt really shitty for a few months and then when I've gone back I've made it a point and then one day I just said you know what from now on when I go back that's the first thing I do before there's parties

or talking or chit chat or meeting people that takes 10 minutes it takes 10 minutes I go, I buy the fucking thing of flowers for 35 bucks, 40 bucks. I go down, I dig a hole, I put it in there, I kneel, I smoke a joint sometimes, I talk to her, you know. And that's it. That's basically it. You look around that neighborhood and what it's become and how they put things.

You know, I was saying Monday when I grew in that neighborhood, I never walked on that side of the cemetery. Whenever I walked up and down that hill. Before she passed. Before she passed. I'm telling you, I wouldn't even fucking walk on it. The creepy places, man. And now I got to walk in there and walk in there like a man, you know, and walk out like a fucking man. So it's always been a weird situation.

But, no, man, everything was great, you know. In fact, I called two of the people that I saw, and I told him I really missed them. It was that type of a weekend, you know. That's awesome. I mean, it's, you've always talked about, you told me ever since I've been going home that each time you go home, it's for shorter and shorter. and it is weird going back, but ever since I've known you've probably gone back four or five times, and this is the first time

you've been like, you're usually like happy to get back and this time's pretty cool that you're getting to enjoy it now. No, I'm enjoying the whole, the pace of it. This time I didn't let myself get bullied into seeing 50 people. I didn't make plans to go eat any big dinners with anybody. I didn't really see Veneery. Didn't even talk to Veneery.

I didn't talk to a lot of people. I didn't talk to Calmine. didn't talk to a lot of people just because I just didn't have the time. It's a business trip. It's a business trip. It was raining the one day

that took a day away. I walked in the rain that day from in New York and then over the shuttle and I went for the walk to McKinley. I just walked in the fucking rain. Well, you must have done that a thousand times as a kid.

A thousand times, but never rains in California. So I might as well take advantage of it. It feels great to fucking feel rain drops fall on your head and whatnot. But no, it was great. I worked out at the hotel. I didn't go to Julio's Jiu-Jitsu because we missed times,

we missed communications. But no, I went to J-Jitsu today. How'd it go? It was great. I went last week to V-Mack and did a couple of hip escapes and some guard retention and shit like that. Today I went and I thought

I was only going to be there for 15 minutes and he made me do the whole fucking class. But he didn't make me spar. Everything else he made me do the technique. After the class, he made me take my pads off and show him my knee. And he goes, you know what? I'm lucky I didn't make you to spar.

It's still swollen. I want you just to keep coming. Do the techniques. Do the warm up when you want to tap out. You know, go on the side. I didn't tap out for that. I did the whole club. It was great.

I really enjoy going there. How's your stamina? Horrible. Yeah. Today when I was doing hip escapes, there was one point I actually had to get up and catch my breath. And I started doubting myself. Maybe I'm going to get a heart attack and, you know, the whole fucking deal.

Jesus. Well, you said he lost away in New York. I did. That's awesome. That's amazing. When I went to the heart doctor. Because I was going to the heart doctor yesterday. And that motherfucker is a candidate about weight.

You know, he's anti-weight. So I knew that I didn't want to go in there real heavy. So I went in there pretty fucking life for me, you know, compared to that. He even said something to me. He goes, you are working on it. But he goes, I need you really about $2.50. So I got to go to fucking work, you know. But it was, yeah, I watch.

That my fitness. What's the name? My fitness, pal. It's great. It, uh, and the thing is, it's not trying to, to go about it a new way. Even Weight Watchers, which everyone loves and works great for you, is switching it to points.

All this is, it's not even telling you to do anything. It's just saying, log your food. If you want to lose weight, this is how many calories you get for your size, put your food in, put your workout in, put your water, and it just tells you, at the end of the day, based on what today was in six weeks or five weeks, you'll be here, if every day was like today.

and it's been you know what people sometimes people say oh you're not supposed to count calories you know what man that that's probably true whatever helps you lose weight you know listen man there's how many people on this earth something and we're so

the same but at the same time we're so different and we all have different body types and different things work for different fucking people just because I squat 20 squats a day and lose 80 pounds doesn't mean that's going to work for you right you might have something different your testosterone levels. There's so many variables.

You find something that works for you. My whole thing is accountability. Accountability in life and accountable. I really lost weight when I did weight watch because you write down what you eat and then at the end of where you got to look at it and go, that I really need that. Now I eat a sandwich.

There's no chips involved. There shouldn't be chips in your life at all. At all. That's just an extra. It's like when you eat fat people like me. When I go to eat, and somebody goes, take you eat at dinner.

You want some wine? Fuck, no. I'm saving calories for the good shit. You know what I'm saying? I'm saving my space. It's like when you go to a buffet and you see these fucking Gentiles

getting like shit at the buffet line, but at the end there's lobster tails. But you're eating shit. Well, I'll get one later. No, go fucking bang those motherfuckers out right now. Get your paperwork. Get your fucking paperwork. You know, it's the same thing.

You see what you need to eat and you see what you could live without. Yeah. And you go, why, I didn't eat that bag of this one. calories. First of, whenever I eat those fucking little bags of chips, I want three bags. Yeah, of course.

So why even fuck around? Let me just eat the sandwich, let it settle. And then we'll see if we're hungry. And then we'll take the apples or take the peaches or whatever the fuck you got in your heart and your thing and cut it with that, you know? Yeah.

It's really amazing the act of dieting. You call it a diet or a lifestyle. Yeah, that's a different. It all mixes together. A little walking, a little gym, a little eating good, a little drinking water, a little bit of sun, some great rest. That's included.

I went to bed 11 last night. I was walking around 4.30 in the fucking morning. These are little things I can't, you know what I'm saying? Like, I just woke up and just woke up. I went to pee, went back to bed, and then I had to curse myself because I asked you if you want to do a podcast this morning. Oh, okay. I said, we should have woken up and did the fucking podcast this morning.

But no, it's, I enjoy this. I enjoy this. Listen, I'm a healthy fat fuck. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm going to be obese or whatever the fuck you call. That's the fucking regular Gentiles. You know what? I walk around.

I go to YMCA. You know, I'm tight. I'm a fat fuck, but I'm tight. You know, I do my thing. At least I try. And that makes me feel a little better than just. Like, I got a guy across the street from me. You've seen that fucking guy.

Oh, that guy was me. That guy would have been me if I didn't stop. His whole body is dead. Like his whole demeanor. That food that he's eaten, all those bags of junk food, are killing who he is. He's not happy. You can see that, you know.

Healthy food makes you feel happy. When you eat healthy, you feel a lot better about yourself. It's just natural. When you look at a fucking thing, a Mexican Coca-Cola, and you go, you know what? I could live without that boy.

When you get in that car and drive, do you feel good about yourself? Oh, yeah. It's like anything else. I turn it on a drink. Is I turning out a line of Coke, you came through for yourself. You coming through for yourself.

Can you put the air on? You coming through for yourself is one of the biggest things you could do as a human being. When I leave that fucking jihitsu class, when I get in my car, I say a prayer for making it. I ain't gonna lie to you.

I say a little prayer and I let a candle for making it for not dying. Hey, at least you went to a class. And I went to the class. I went to the class. You know, it's amazing how you have to look at this shit. So I always, I don't reward myself. That's where you go wrong. People don't fall fucking leave.

Next thing you know, you're on the building. We'll open up a Jews expressing here where a guy can get a black suit in a hurry. A Jew always has to try for a lot of stuff. That'd be a good fucking idea. Like a black suit in a yama going to hurry. Come see Lee. A little fucking. fucking disguise out, whatever the hell you call it.

But no, that's, it's really, it's really, I think my best accomplishments are when I do something for myself, how I feel. Like when I do something I didn't want to do. Yesterday, I had to go to the doctor in Century City at 1015. It's either 405, the 101, or Laurel Canyon. And you know when I left early and I made it on time? Yeah. And it's always the things I don't want to do.

Once I do them, oh my God, do I feel good about myself. And that's what people should be thinking. That's what's going out of your comfort zone. Oh, yeah. Same fucking thing. Well, for months before I started working out, you would call me every day and get on me about walking. And I'm a lazy person when it comes to work. I like working, but when it comes to exercise, it has never been for me.

So I would fight it. I would do a small one. I wouldn't really do it. But it's crazy how in the few months that I've been working out, it's gone to the point now where I feel guilty about not going. And I feel great when I do go. Even it's like today, I had a busy day. I did two podcasts earlier, and I had to go do some other stuff at home. So I only did half an hour on the elliptical day.

But I still got 400 calories in. I got up a little bit of a sweat, and it's better than not going. You got your blood going. You got a little bit straight. You got some muscles going. You know what I'm saying? If you did a little stretching, your liver got clean. You detoxed your liver.

You detoxed your kidneys. You know, there's so many fucking things that it does. And I was very fortunate because as a young kid, my work ethic for basketball was all lifting weights, my boy, so I got used to it. And it's something that nobody wants to do, Lee. No, listen, Lee, it's like, you know, nobody wants to do that shit. Unless, you know, but once you go and you get into a system and you realize that it makes you feel so good about yourself. And some people say, oh my God, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

I just know that I just did something good for myself. I used to do a lot of bad things for myself. You know, now I do something good. for myself it's amazing how I went from doing 20 bad things a day and one good thing to 20 good things a day and one bad thing you know it's amazing how you change your life right you go for little things and it went from two good things you know three good things and it's just you know water I don't I don't even know if it's true I don't know if it's true but it's got to be better than drinking fucking sodas all day yeah anything is better than drinking

six or seven cans of coke but I did without even blinking a night I could drink seven or six cans of Coke from fucking eight in the morning to six at night. Easy. It's the most delicious thing in the world. With Chinese food, with a cheeseburger with ice cubes in it, stop it. And a joint in the fucking trunk? I love so. That's the one thing I really need to cut down on it.

I've cut way down on it. I used to have maybe seven or eight a day. And now I've cut back to two or three diet sodas in the day, which isn't great. But it's, I do notice days I have more soda than water. I don't lose weight. I feel like it holds on the water. Even if it's diet? Yeah, because it has high sodium. Yeah, I feel like it holds under the water.

So I'm trying to do that thing your parents make it do. If you want the soda, have at least the same amount of water. First. Just to try it, I'm always going to love soda. I can cut it out if I want to, but I've cut it back to pretty reasonable. You're 26 years old. Yeah. I'm not sitting here on a fucking high horse.

I stopped drinking soda when I was like 45. Yeah. That's when I made the decision. I wish I would have made the decision on your age because I would have saved pounds. Well, that's why I'm working out now. Pounds, because I used it at night. I don't drink alcohol.

Yeah. So I would drink, you know, let me get a Coke. Let me get a Coke. Let me get a Coke. Let me get a Coke. What are you drinking a Coke? Coke. Especially because they're free refills, yeah.

Free refills. You're doing 18 fucking coax. Do the math. You know, whatever, 120 fucking calories. You know, if you drink 20 cans of, 20 of those glasses at 100 calories, 90 calories. Yeah. What the fuck you, you know.

I got very lucky that for, and it wasn't. wasn't a weight thing. I just always lean towards Diet Coke. Regular Coke is a little bit too sweet. But I can't imagine trying to cut that out. Because that's, like you said, let's see you have just one with every meal. That's an extra 400

calories you have to cut out. I mean, that's hard. Four hundred calories takes half an hour on the elliptical. It's a lot. Do it on the fucking bicycle. You're there all fucking day burning 400 goddamn calories like that. I love the bike. I love going from my knee and stuff like that. But after 20 minutes, you go, I just blew 20 minutes for fucking 60 calories.

I don't know the fuck I burn 68 calories or some shit. So I had a pass on that. But everything's good. The knee, I got a physical therapy tomorrow. Are you worried about it with your daughter? Because I don't know about Terry's family, but, I mean, are you worried about watching what she eats now that she's eating more regular food?

Yes, especially no sodas a lot in my house. Okay. There's no cans. You know, there's juices for her. And there's water. My wife cuts the juices. so she doesn't have that much sugar. You just want to correct little things.

It's very easy for a child now. It's like my friend. He says this kid only eats chicken nuggets. So they have to buy chicken, fry them, batter them, so they don't eat that white shit they give you. Everybody says they have white meat, but it's really like painted. Somebody told me it's painted.

They paint it white. I don't fucking know, you know, but I don't put anything past these people anymore. You don't put anything past these people. It's amazing a friend of 10. Ares, him and his wife, he used to come over. He was a bike rider. He just got diagnosed with cancer.

Really? He got, you know, the colon cancer. Okay. One of those cancers, not colon, but the other one that guys get. When you don't stick a finger up your ass every year. I thought it was colon. I know what you're talking about. And I was talking to him today.

You know, we were talking about what changes he made. He's not getting chemo. He's pulling what my uncle did. He's not getting chemo. He's not getting the treatment. He's going to Mexico for a new experimental thing. and he's also changing it to an organic. Listen, man, my uncle's 78.

He's had cancer for two years. Prostate cancer is what you? Prostate. And he's rocking and rolling. He changes his diet. He doesn't touch sugar. I mean, he spends so much money on special foods. He goes everywhere just to buy certain.

Like that night of the Dodger game, he brought some little dried-up fucking apple. I'd like to get the name of it. And it's the highest oxy-oxidants, whatever the fuck it is. Yeah. He brought almonds, these organic. organic almonds. He always, you know, and I don't know if it works. I'm not here. You know, I'm not here. It's like this guy. This guy rode a bike from wherever, 20 miles from here north to downtown every day.

So he would ride the bike 20 miles from here to the bus over here in North Hollywood, then put the bike on the bus for half the thing, then get back on the thing. You know, and now he goes up. He's been, this is a guy that writes 50 miles on the weekends. He's got fucking prostate cancer. You know, so it's true. You have to check it out. You know, you have to do the finger in the butt. I got it. I got it three or four times. It's not fucking clamorous. It just scares me when people say they don't want to do chemo. And trust me, I know chemo isn't guaranteed. And I know it hurts people. It's because it's putting poison in your body.

But whenever I see that, I'm like, why are you taking a chance on the new treatments? Listen, man, they do a lot of things outside this country. They're very beneficial. We don't get the chance to do because of the way politics and the medical system and insurances. I don't know the bureaucracy. So please do not attack me. I'm just saying that I've heard this, you know, when you want the Dallas Buyers Club. What do they talk? He's a smuggler.

He brings in pills that will stop or whatever the HIV virus or neutralize it that aren't available here that the FDA will not pass. So, you know, doctors get together, put a purse together, go to the FDA and say he's a million dollars. Don't pass that drug because we're out of business. You know, you pass that fucking drug, we're out of fucking business. That's so true, yeah. So I don't know how it works. I'm not accusing anybody or anything.

I don't want people tweeting me later saying, Joey, you're wrong. Speaking of doctors, are you going to Dallas anytime soon? Why would happen? You didn't hear? This fucking guy came from Liberia and was a fucking on Dallas for a week with Ebola. Dallas is like the fucking worst luck in the world. Kennedy won't even go to Texas. Never mind Dallas.

That's where they shot Kennedy, right? Yeah. And now Ebola is in fucking Dallas. Michael Lervin, it's just bad luck. Dallas is just fucking bad luck, man. That's what. Forget it. I'm going to Houston, and I love Dallas.

But now that the bowl is there, I heard they sent them home from the hospital. The first day, yeah. The first day. And he went coughing and shaking hands and jumping up and down and eating fucking at the soul food restaurant. You know how many fucking people are going to get sick now? Eight million. I guess his kid. He was close to kids.

His girlfriend's kids, yeah. Yeah, this is, I knew this is going to happen. It's just a fucking, you know, we're not smart enough to close it. No, but you're, oh, you're from the United States and Liberia? Go fuck yourself. He's not even American. I know. No, no shit.

No shit. No shit. No shit. You know. Listen, bro, every day more and more we're slipping. But this is not what this podcast is about. Fuck them. They do what they do.

They keep slipping and we keep fucking shooting motherfuckers. But at least it was over in Atlanta. They were just keeping in Atlanta. Now I told them over to Dallas. You don't think it's going to be in L.A.? I already don't like leaving their house. They're already spreading it all over the fucking place. This is their made.

This is it. This is what they want. This is what they want. They got it. You didn't know to shut that fucking airport? You didn't know. Nobody knew to shut that fucking airport. If you're African, you ain't coming nowhere.

You ain't going nowhere. That's it. Fucking visas ripped up if you're fucking African. And it's not, I don't hate Africans. I'm just telling me the truth. This is what anybody's smart would have done until we find out what the fuck's going on in Africa. Nobody's coming out of fucking Africa. You're in Africa?

Pitch a tent, bitch. Pitch a fucking tent, cucket. Don't worry. There's no ISIS. They don't kill black people. They haven't killed the Mexican or black people A Chinese fucking person yet, I say Because the only Gentiles that sit there

Waiting for their nut to get checked Of these fucking momos A black motherfucker is like Fuck you bitch I'm getting mine You think I'd just kneel there And wait like a fucking rabbit To get hooked by an hawk

Yeah, are you fucking crazy? I'm at least getting up And getting an eyeball and ear Something I'm gonna kick someone in the nuts Real fucking hard By you would think so I'd bite their fucking dick right off I don't give off you're gonna cut my head off

There's 80s I'm going to take one of you. I know I can take one of you, motherfuckers. Until you stab me, I'll grab your fucking earball. I'll stick my fingers in your eyes. I'm a fucking nut. You know me, I hate Ebola. I hate fucking Ebola and all that shit.

I've been telling you people from the beginning, I knew this is going to happen. That's it. That's it. We're done. And how long is it take from fucking, if you walk to fucking Ebola, the California, it'll still be in two weeks.

If you walk it, if you gave Liberia boy a fucking backpacking some roller skates, he'd be in two fucking week. I'm sick. I'm sick to my stomach. That's quite an image. Just a black dude from Liberia. Just roll this kidding. Foaming at the fucking mouth. That's what I need. Betty Page, triple X, you sexy motherfucker. What's up, beautiful?

You know it. Are you up? Welcome to the church of what's happened. Now, Lee Syatt's here. Hi, Betty. It was very nice. Hey, how's it going? This is Lee, the producer of the show. Wait, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

I've heard a lot about you. So a couple weeks ago, the main man, the fearless leader, Dennis Hoff, was on the show. Oh, yeah, I've got to love Big Daddy. We've got to love Big Daddy, and he told us about some of his girls, and you were one of the sexy ones he spoke about, and next to you know, we became friends on Twitter, and here you are. We got some questions for you. Absolutely.

Yay! So how is it working up at the ranch? Oh, it's freaking awesome. Every day is like a party. You get to meet some really interesting people. It's just everything is going 24-7, but they've got some places over there, too, where if you want it quiet and relax, they've got some sleeps over there and hot tubs and jacuzis and the pool.

I mean, it's like Disneyland for adults. It's really cool. Well, they're going to be shutting those jacuzis down because Ebola has fucking landed. And we don't want one of those pretty girls foaming at the mouth looking like fucking I'm walking dead. How long have you worked up there, beautiful? How long have you worked up there? Worked up there for too long.

I've only worked up there since about June, and then I blew up. I was the funny at the month in August. Oh, my God. I know it was crazy. Now, when does the show still shoot or no? Which one? Because we do a U-Stream show every week. That thing is awesome.

I mean, I just hosted, let me see, I was, like, doing the computer stuff because we do chat and everything, and riffraff was over there, too, not too long ago. That's Katie Perry's boyfriend, and got pictures of that, too. That was a blast. Riffraff. Is that his name, Kenny Perry's boyfriend? Yeah, that's his name. Who's riffraff? Who's this?

Freaking crazy is hell. He's got, like, pink hair and these, like, crazy blue eyes that look like he's dead. What the fuck is wrong with Katie? Katie Perry. Katie Perry, you know she don't suck dick. You know, she don't take it in the ass. You know she don't do none of that shit. And she keeps teaming up with these fucking savages

and want to fuck her to death while she's singing. And then she gets pissed off when they want to come in her fucking eyeball. She's like, you know what I'm saying? You can tell. It's like Jennifer Aniston. You can tell she won't grab a cock. It's like, Jennifer, grab that fucking dragon cock sucker. This ain't friends, bitch.

Breathe on that fucking... Yeah, fun for that. the whole family. No, when the fucking Brad Pitt left you for that dirty bitch. You wouldn't let him pop it up even. She wouldn't let him fucking stick a finger up her ass. He said, fuck it. This, uh, what's the name?

Angelina Jolie. She'll let you light her pussy on fire and turn it off with a rock. Just throw rocks at it. That's how fucking, that's how fucking her pussy is. You could just throw rocks at her fucking pussy and turn off the fire. She don't give a fuck, Jack. Now when do you go back to the Bunny Ranch? Now when do you go back to the Bunny Ranch?

Um, I was actually, I may be going back for Thanksgiving just to say hi and everything, but definitely I'm going back the whole month of February and the whole month of March, because I'm tearing the club up. So when does your tour of duty start? In February, you go back to Vietnam for the monkey? That's right. That's like Vietnam for the pussy fucking, the bunny rants. You go up there, you get shot, fucked, kicked. It's tremendous, fucking big daddy. I love it.

As long as I get beat with a stick, I'm happy. I love it. We got two sticks right over here. Fucking Lee's got some Thai bow sticks. He got some fine fucking aging guy. Now, when did you get started in the entertainment business, let's say? Let's see. There was a while back I was dancing in West Virginia,

because I live in Virginia, but I was dancing over in West Virginia. And funny enough, I was watching one of the Cat House series. And there was this girl just popping balloons with her ass. And I was sitting back, I was like, I could do that. I could pop a balloon with my ass. So I went online, and I applied just like everybody else. I put my pictures in. I'm like, I'm not going to hear back from them.

They don't want me. Next thing, you know, sure enough, they're like, we think you're beautiful. We think you'll be great here. And I was like, no shit. Oh, my God. So I was like, you know what? Fuck it. You only live once.

Hopped on a plane, went over, try you. it out and I was like, wow. It was freaking unbelievable. It was like a dream come true. So the first time you went over and tried it out, how many days did you stay there for? Oh, two weeks, because you got to stay at least two weeks. Did you cry?

Actually, no, that's a lie. I stayed a month. Did you cry, though? The first night, like, summer camp, what the fuck is this shit? We cried when I didn't have enough dick. That was it. Beautiful.

That's why I fucking love you, you're filthy animal. Now, okay, so you stayed there for a month, and that was the first time you had been on that side of the fence or you had played on that side of the fence before. Well, I started actually at another ranch over by Vegas, and that place was like pussy prison. That was a lockdown house. You could not do anything over there. And no fun at all, no fun. So I tried to go over there a little bit, and I never did anything. illegally before, but I had a lot of

freaking boyfriends, if you know what I mean? Right. So you said, what the fuck? So I had fact. Yeah, exactly. I was like, I might as well get paid for my shit. You know, it's amazing, Betty, when I was 21, I used to live in Aspen, Colorado, and I used to walk around.

And I, you know, and I have nothing against women. I love women to do whatever they want with their bodies. It's their world. You know, and I always said, I go, if I was pretty girl at 21, I would come to Aspen. I would charge fucking paper to fuck me

I'd take care of my pussy take care of my tiddies I'd keep my teeth white you know the whole fucking deal and I'd fuck up the ass whatever you want for four years and when I turn and then I'd go on the witness relocation

plan after that I go in the pussy I change my name and I'd move somewhere with my fucking half a million or my three quarters of a million and I would start my life and nobody would know nobody would ever know

like if you were See, that's the same, too. I love that people know me. I'm like, yeah, I'm such and such, and I also go by Betty Page. My family knows what I do. They support me. They're proud of me. No, no, no.

I don't mean it like that. I mean, like, just if you just want to forget, when you're 25 one day, you have money, and you go, you know what? It's something I did a long time ago. It works for me then. Now I work in an office, whatever. I'm a mom now. I'm a PTA girl.

Nobody needs to know that you rocked a house for the house for that. three years and major one. Because in the long one, what are you going to do? What the fuck do you do from 21 to 26 if you're hot? You get fucked, you get dinner thrown down your throat, and on top of all that, these fucking morons are still going to cheat on you. You follow me? If my protein, I want it down my throat.

Yeah, you know, they're still going to fucking cheat or whatever. You know what? Fuck a boyfriend. Fuck or that. Get a guy. You see him once a month. Again, he doesn't even have to know what the fuck you do. You can tell him you're a scientist in a fucking, in a Martian resort.

in Vegas where the Martians landed. You check rocks all day. Yeah. They don't need to fucking know. A alien cat house. Now, when you go home after the bunny ranch, do you still entertain or do you give that monkey a breather? I've got a really high sex drive, so I'm always fiend for it.

I got all kinds of like Lilo toys and everything and a Sibian and all kinds of shit. What's a Sibian? What's that? What's that? Oh, my God. I gotta educate your ass. Yeah, I don't know about this shit. What's a Scipian?

See, that's why you gotta come see me. What's a Scipian? It looks like, almost like a horse saddle. And that whole freaking horse saddle just vibrates like you wouldn't believe. And it has attachments to it. And a remote control. I mean, it's like, it's this freaking shit. It's awesome.

And you sticking on guys' assholes? Well, I could do that, too. Usually I write it and then I'll stick something off the guy or I can even just do a little finger or just lick it a little bit because I've got this huge oral fixation, okay? Okay. This is what I am known for. I love oral because when I please the guy, I take my time. It's like going to dinner and having dessert. You spread the guy open.

You kiss all around everywhere. And there is not just a dick and a chef. Oh, I'm sorry. Can I say that? You can say whatever the fuck you want to say. This is FCC. Yay. We're best friends with the FCC.

The FCC loves us. Okay, well, basically what I like to do, I like to spread them open. And I like to lick from the thighs, getting my way inside. Then I'll kind of like nibble and just right there on the ball sack a little bit. Lift him up, and I love that little grumble part right between the, asshole in the balls because that's where the prostate is and that shit that'll get them going every time you just hum your ass off and lick right there then you suck on some balls just a little bit work your way up then you start with the tip and work your way down it is a whole smorgas for and that's what i love about the shit that's why i get paid the big bucks because i don't just want to get you off and get you out you're my meal i'm going to eat you alive that's a good way of looking at it. I mean, that's a positive way of looking.

I love you for that. That's a... You know, because then again, you have a lot of women that don't want to please. You just want to fucking go on with their life. Then you meet a woman like you or you, I'm talking to a woman like you, and this is what you do. You get paid to fucking make a man see fucking fireworks.

That's good between... Exactly. That's good between. I will tamper you, bathe you, wash you, lube you, and then wash you again. Definitely. it's all about the experience That's a nice fucking time

You sound like a very very very very nice time You wash me We fuck we eat some ass Then we relax We watch a little episode of dancing with the stars And then we go right back to eating that ass again And licking balls and fireworks Lee what questions you got from my beautiful girl Betty Page

I just can't Do you make the guys at least wash themselves Before you looked at our asshole Because I can't I know what my asses I don't want anyone. Sure, she makes them wash themselves. A nice bath.

Didn't you just see? She does it to make sure because she's going to fucking... I do both. I do both. I send them into the shower. I let them wash up and everything so that they get comfortable. Then I lay them down on the bed and then I'll double wash them. And that kind of gets the move going to.

You know, it's just like wham-banned, like you're spreading jelly and, you know, peanut butter and shit. You actually kind of do like the Peter Pan before. and afterward. Do you have like industrial soap because there's not enough Irish spring to ever make this? I can never imagine a girl doing that to me. Well, go up to the bunny mask.

Well, you don't have to imagine. Betty Page will make it happen for you. Betty Page, I've got to ask you some more questions here. What's the craziest thing a customer has asked you to do? If you're allowed to talk about this, if not, I understand. I don't want no problems with Mr. Hoff.

I never seen names, but I will definitely talk about my... adventures because they're fun what's the craziest thing a guy has come in and made you do like a guy came in and so let's throw 10,000 on you I want you to fucking shoot your pussy at me and knock me down I don't know let me see I think the craziest so far I don't get too too crazy just yet but then again I like crazy so some stuff that people will do you know normal people think it's crazy I'm like hell yeah let's try it let's do But I think one of the craziest ones so far is I haven't been asked to do a poop party

But I have had a guy want me to pee on him That's not bad though And I put him in the bathtub and I did it And did he go did he come? Did he get off? Oh yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah When they peed on me I didn't get off I had never been peed on before

So it opened my fucking eyes in more ways than one I mean that pee fucking tremendous It tasted good It wasn't that bad, you know. Uh-huh. I didn't come, but I always thought about it. I'm like, man, that's a good way to, maybe while she's peering on you, you get somebody to put a feather up your ass on, you work off or your left hand. Jesus does shit like that.

You know what I'm saying? That's a Jesus. That's a Jesus. Yep. Oh, oh, another one, too, I had, too. There was this guy that came, and, um, he basically wanted me to be his mistress. So I did, and he did a little bit of foot worship while I degraded him. I walked them around the parlor and everything,

and basically just made him call me Mr. Betty the whole time, and had a really great time, and he got off that way. He really had a good time. Now, how long do you stay with a man usually when they come up to the ranch? What's the minimum time they can spend with you? The minimum time they can spend with me is probably 10 minutes, and it's not going to be a very fulfilling 10 minutes, I'll tell you that. But that is the minimum.

do help out every budget that I can. Because I enjoy what I do. So I want people to come and not do anything and just leave. That's not fun. So you gotta do a little bit of something. What do you, because you must be, you're obviously a proponent of all this.

What do you say to a guy like me or like to my girlfriend? Like what would you, like how do you sell it? Because if I went and told a girl that I did this, a lot of them would probably have negative reactions. Like how do you look at, at it, how do you, how do you, how do you do it so it's not a negative experience? Oh, well, that's easy. Basically, when you come and you see me or even any girl at the ranch,

you're actually getting educated. You're not just being a professional, which you know that you'll be clean, you know that is not going to follow you home or do anything crazy or try to stop you or, you know, anything like that. But also, you're getting somebody that's going to educate you on what works, what doesn't work, and you can bring that to another girl. I've actually had gentlemen that, you know, either they were virgins or they weren't that experience, and they wanted to please another lady, and they were insecure. And you can't just watch corn and get educated on it. So they basically come to me and say, will you be my teacher? And even if they don't say that, just from the stuff that we do, we're going to have fun,

and you're going to see that I like it because I don't fake anything. I'm going to get off. If this is my job and I'm going to be with you and you've got to be with me, we're both having some fun. But why do you think that is, though? Because there's other countries that have totally legalized it and it's not looked down upon.

Why do you think that it's only legal in one part of one state now? And most people it's probably looked down upon. Well, basically, it's only legal in that state and only in a couple counties. because it's grandfathered in. You know, I don't know, I think that we just have a hard time really changing. If you look at it, 70s was the era of free love finally, but all the way before that, we have had decades and centuries of just being complete prudes

and saying that sex was wrong. And even after the 70s, we kind of went back to the whole just family unit and everything is very quiet inside the bedroom. now again nowadays we're just starting to get out again and really explore sexuality and say hey it's not wrong for me to feel good and you're feeling good and everybody is so pathetic it's a natural human condition we all need to touch we all need to feel love and feel love back and you know we all go to massachusetts we all get our hair done nails done we go to the barber and all that kind of good stuff we even go to the gym This is exercise, massage, and the spa all in one.

It's healthy. I've never, when a girl has told me that that's what she does for a living, in the back of my mind I've never looked down on it. I've looked at it as more of a liberated woman, you know? Uh-huh. I mean, parts of it are a little bit more liberating. Well, I think the reason people look down upon it is selfish. A woman's freedom, yeah.

I don't know. I look at it as when you look at a woman, listen. A woman may have kids. She might have had a child, and she doesn't get along with the husband. Whatever she has to do to feed that child. If she's beautiful, whatever is beauty, whatever is beauty to a man, they're all beautiful. What the fuck? What the fuck?

I've never looked down on it like that. You know, yeah, you meet some dances that are fucking crazy. But I've got to tell you something. From my conversations with you, Betty, and you're very intelligent. You're very intelligent. You know what's going on. You're on the ball. you're sharp you're just not doing this because

you're not doing this because you know you want to be cool and you know you do this for a fucking living this is a business for you and you're the best at what the fuck you do you know if you just want some chick to suck your dick and whatever and then you get out of a hotel room that's one thing going to you is like going to spark steakhouse it's like going to fucking Ruth Chris it's like going to you know I don't know all the five star

restaurants but it's like going It's like driving a fucking Maserati. You know, I understand what you're saying. I'm a freaking Maserati. I love it. Yeah, you know, and it's the truth. We've all been with women that are kind of reclusive, and we try to push them a little bit, and they crack,

and then you bring women home that'll, you know, hit their pussies with a fucking hammer if you let them, you know, and you think of who you've had a better time with. Every fucking man that I'm listening to this right now, who'd you have better time with? The chick that does her toenails and lays there like a fucking mummy, because she doesn't want you to think wrong her or the chick that turns around and says

after you fuck me in the pussy, I want you to stick it in my ass like a fucking, you know, I don't even know, like you're stuffing me for Thanksgiving and then I want you to pull it out and give me some of that you-who milk in my mouth or something. Well, it's the worst. I mean, Betty said at the beginning she's very oral. I can't tell you, I wanted a girl

the first time we were going to have sex just look at me and say, don't go down there because I don't do it. Oh, my God, God. No, no, no, no. Oh, that is terrible. I really feel bad for girls that say that. It's like, oh, my God, girl, just open it up, close your eyes, and let him have fun. No, it's true.

It's true. If you look at as a man, whoever you had most fun with, the chicks that are fucking crazy. Yeah, you can't marry those bitches. You know, that's somewhere going to affect you. But you look at that. You want somebody in the middle of that to have a relationship with. When I see Betty, I go to Betty to get me fucking lubed up. You know, you go see Betty watch someone.

Even if you sling dick for three weeks, you go see Betty to put your right back in shape. Betty's like a sexual chiropractor. She snaps those bones. She aligns your cock, your nuts align with your dick. You know, Betty does the whole fucking thing. So I get it, Betty. I fucking get it, you know? Well, shit.

Actually, I've been with straight men. I've been with gay men. I've been with couples. Even gay men love me. I mean, I've fucked a gay man. so hard and he was happy. He actually came back for more. I had couples come with me for their anniversary and they had the time of their lives and it was great because we got to do all kinds of stuff. It's not just about the guys, it's about the girls. And it's great when they come in

with the couples because I can show the guys other things that they haven't been doing to the chick. And when the girl gets off and we're all having fun, it's like the guy can have as many orgasms as he want he can like have multiple orgasms and everything because the chicks are just going at it. It's a lot of fun. That's really that's fucking crazy.

The fag came in and you changed his fucking life. Can you imagine like Yeah, yeah, he was a doctor. Did you lick his nutsack too? Oh, yeah, of course. And did he say to you that you're better than a guy or that guys are better? That's fucking hysterical. If he said, you know what?

Better, you're pretty good, but I know this guy named Mike. That sucks a dick. He was impressed. Fucking hysterical. Now let me ask you this. So once you go back in March and February and you fit, now do girls work there

year round or you're forced to take a break? Basically depends because working over there is sort of like going to a sorority house. When you go there, you always have to like change out rooms and stuff and it depends what's available. Because they've got so many

girls there. I mean, it's really it's really exclusive to be a bunny babe. So to be a bunny babe is like the top notch of the whole world. But they do have like a lot of girls on call and everybody wants to be there. And they do try to give new girls an opportunity. So it really depends on if they have availability, if, you know, their schedule is open. If you do really good, like, you know, I've got a really good clientele, then they're going to let you come in. but it really depends on what's available and what's open.

But as far as going over there, I mean, you've got girls that'll stay there for a few months at a time, some that'll stay for like a week or two. It really depends. It's an amazing thing when he came down and explained it to us, and I've watched the shows. It was very entertaining and very eye-opening. because I know I know about drugs I know about mugging people

I know about crime I know about so many things and I don't know anything about that sex world when uh you know I thought I knew about everything we all think we know about everything when I was 31

I started dating this girl and one day after about three months she pulls me aside she goes I don't know if you know this when I was in college I had sugar daddy and I told I looked at her face and I go you know what I ate a couple

of sugar daddies all the time and she's like What are you talking about? I didn't know what the sugar daddy was. And she told me that he put it through school and he fucked it once a week. And he used to pay all her bills and everything. And I was blown away. Like, I had never heard of those things.

Like here I was, like, again, I thought I knew a little bit about everything. And she was telling me all this stuff. And I talked to it today, as a matter of fact. She's 46 and she's still stripping. And she's a millionaire. And she's a millionaire. because she married this old Hindu when he died and left it like $3 million.

Then she bought a bunch of gyms, those curves, and she sold them on the way on the high end, so she made money there. Wow. She buys all this fucking property. Yeah, but it's weird. Like, you know, she kept, you know,

till today, now she tells me the truth. I mean, she's engaged to be married and she gives blowjaws for 100 and she fucks you for 200 at the strip club. This is a girl that's a fucking millionaire. Cool, that's really low. It's, I mean, I don't know anything about that. No shit, no shit, no.

This is, well, this is what I'm saying to you. That you could either go let her suck your dick, or you could take a train to the plane and go see my girl, Betty Page, up at the bunny rants, bunny of the month, and she'll show you what it's all about. Let me ask you this. When you were 20, did you ever think you'd be doing this? When I was what? 20.

No, I really didn't. I never said, you know. You know, well, when I was younger, actually, I always wanted to be three things. I wanted to be a Playboy bunny, and I didn't know why because I was too young at the time. I was like about eight. And I wanted to be a Playboy Bunny only because people thought they were pretty. I wanted to be a Navy SEAL because they got to swim around with the sharks naked. And then I wanted to be Wonder Woman because she's hot as hell and she can kick ass.

So basically, it's kind of like preordained her destiny that I was. to be a bunny. I never actually thought that I would do anything like this, but I've always been a little nuts, and it's like, let's go have a good time. And when all these other girls are starting to be prudish and like,

no, no, we can't do this, we can't do that. I'm like, fuck you, I'm going over here. Whoa, let's get this party started. Now, has there ever been a chick that goes up, while you were at the bunny ranch, did you see a girl, like, on her first day? You know, she's like the hot girl at the strip club in Kansas City.

and she goes up there and all of a sudden they throw like a fucking black dude with a 30-inch dick just to house warm up just to see if she breaks under pressure like the ship she comes out of there fucking running you know or she comes out with a big smile on the face

that's what I would do before she could do anything she's got to fuck Magumba the black dude from Liberia with the Ebola and if she rocks his fucking if she rocks his fucking world if she doesn't

have you ever been? Now have you ever been been up there when the girls come out of room crying and says she can't do this have you ever had that experience no no basically they're really mommy mommy is madame suzette she is awesome she is really good about screening the girls she basically talks to them the reason i call her mommy is because she's not just the madam she really looks out for her girls and if she doesn't think you have what it takes she's not going to let you stay there or anything because it's a business And, you know, you want to please the clients as well as make money yourself and get pleased. And if you're too scared or anything like that and you don't have a hunger for it, there's no reason to be there.

But usually whenever the first girls get there, we're all pretty nice. And usually you always get a big sister. And a big sister is really hot in itself because a big sister will help you along the way by teaching you the rules, teaching you how to negotiate going into the room with a customer your first few times making sure you got it down and maybe even partying with you

just to make sure that you're doing everything that you should be doing. Wow, so they'll come in the room with you the first couple times. Uh-huh. That's pretty fucking, so that's how you get on the job training. Or were you that good when you already went to...

You were good already. When you went to the bunny rants, they just fucking made your shit tight! Your fingers get manicured now, the whole fucking deal. You don't have no more hangnails. It's over. No. No, they really did make my shit tight, too,

because there are some other things I learned from some of the other girls here and there that they caught each other, and there's a little move that I know how to make it really tight, and there's two things you can do. You can either make it so tight where the dick is actually going inside you more, or you can make it tight where you're pushing him out. that is hot. So you can have like the whole section of either going inside more or outside.

Awesome. That's amazing. You are a true professional. Let me ask you this. Has there ever been a guy that came in that you really haven't liked and you've had asleep of them for the money? But you're really not, not that you're attracted to him, but you just don't like him. Has there ever been that situation?

Like he's rude or he's, uh... No. And I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Because there have been a couple of guys that, very few, very few, that come in there and they're rude or they're just not nice or there's even no chemistry. And I'm really serious about what I do. So if I don't like you, I'm not going to fuck you. I don't care how much money you have.

You can stick it up your asshole and walk the fuck out. out because, I mean, it's about having a good time, and I want to make sure that everybody that comes to me has the best experience in their life. So if I can't give you a good time, I'll either send you to a friend of mine that can, or I'll just tell you, look, there's no chemistry. We're not going to get along, and it's not worth you spending your money. I would go to some girl at a bar or just a hole in a tree and pound it out, because I want to make sure that you're going to have the best time ever with me. And if we don't mesh and you don't have a good time,

I'm not going to take your money because I don't want to take advantage of you. And if you're an asshole, I'm definitely not going to have a good time with you. I might beat the shit out of you, but we're not going to have a good time. That's the fucking honest as it gets. I mean, what you do is very rough, not rough, and, you know, it's whatever you make it in this life. I mean, I know people who dig fucking. I know people who dig ditches for a living that tell you they have a great job.

You know? They look at the beauty of it. I get in shape. I can eat what I want. You know, I'm 50. I don't a guy that digs ditches. He has the fucking thing. And then he has to get in there for a foot

and clean it out with his shovel. You know, it's not just. And he makes it sound. He's been doing it since high school. They give him a fucking $50 grand a year because they usually had two guys and he does everything by himself. And, you know, he's my aide, digging

and building up rocks. So it's whatever you make of your job, you know. If you don't like your job, obviously you're not going to be effective at it or whatnot. Yeah, that's exactly it. So you won't be up there for December or November or nothing for the holidays, give away that holiday pussy? Nothing. No, no, I might be up there for like Thanksgiving week, but I'm not sure yet.

I still got to see what my schedule is, but I know I'm definitely going to be there all of February and all of March. because February is my birthday, too. February what? 22nd. Oh, shit. The same as Julia Serving, I think. Well, the 23rd.

Something like that. I'm the 19th. Nice. I think you're nice. That's right. I'm the first fucking day of the cuss. Betty Page, I love you. We're going to try to get you in studio here in November or December.

We'll figure something out. Oh, that sounds beautiful. I love to do. Before you go up to the ranch and break some fucking hearts. You have a guy come in ever with a little, little dick? What do you do then? Like a one-inch dick, what do you do? You tell him it's fucking huge, you cock-sucker.

Don't ever come in here with this big dick again. I fucking hum the shit out of that bitch. That's what I do. Some little Japanese comes in one of those little peanut dicks. You rock that motherfucker. Chung Kennedy's cousin's shit comes in. I eat a TikTok like he wouldn't believe. Betty Page, I love you.

Thank you very much. and we'll talk during the week, you sexy motherfucker. All right. And how do they find you? How do they find you? I know your webpage, right? What's the web page? My web page is bettypage.

com or even my email, email me, because I love talking to people. It's betty page at bunny ranch.com. And my Twitter, I'm on the Twitter all the time. It's Betty Page triple X. And I'm even on Facebook, Betty Page with two Xs. Go to her Twitter. some nice big fucking jugs, her feet, everything. She's a sexy motherfucker.

I love you, Betty Page, you dirty bitch. I love you. I love you, puppy. Stay black. Always. Bye now. How you like that, Lisa, at? When she was saying, licking balls, your face was fucking pale. All the blood. All the blood and your body

went right to your fucking dick. Don't lie to me. Your dick is harder than fuck right now. Oh, God. I've seen your little hand doing cornucopias. I kind of wish I went when I was because I was single for like two years. I kind of wish I had done that to just get the experience. I still think I'd be so fucking embarrassed. Oh yeah, of course.

I mean, I haven't even been in a strip club. I'd be so fucking embarrassed. When I was on that testosterone last year, I walked around so fucking horny. And I would go to that massage parlor down the block from the... Ha-ha. Yeah? And parked down the block just to see.

Just to see if I could do it. Maybe if a girl pops out, I could see her and talk to her. I didn't have the heart. I didn't have to cheat on my wife. I have the heart to go in and get a fucking hand job. I just can't. I just think it's. so fucking embarrassing sometimes, you know?

Yeah. Can I come real quick and shit? I got to look at you and sit there and fucking, I go to that bunny ranch. I come in a minute. They're all going to look at me and they're all going to tell each other. Everybody knows that I'm going to fucking preemie. Let me get some shout-offs to these motherfuckers.

Well, you just told it to all the listeners. But that they're listeners. I'm not fucking them. You know what I'm saying? Zach Corona. Happy birthday, you bad motherfucker. Flo, who loves you? Matt Floyd, Russell, McDonald.

Kayla Simmons, you bad bitch. Brandy Lynn, I love you Ronnie Olson, Dan Pizzini, and my main man, Jimmy Pitts, Debt Squad all over the country, Dead Squad Charlotte,

Desquad, Ottawa, stay strong, motherfuckers. You know what the deal is? Now what, bitch. You know what I like about girls. Tell me. Girls are the only ones that always say. I love doing this.

I get to meet interesting people. Listen, I'm 51 fucking years old, and I still haven't meant nobody fucking interesting. You're the most interesting fucking person I know because you're Jewish Hey so the Jews are still shooting missiles and no? I honestly don't I don't know. They have issues

but I don't think they're... I think that's stopped. They just sound like a missile once a month to let them know with the Captain Kirk of the Enterprise is and shit. You got to do that sometime. I'm trying to tiptoe around this topic. I don't know. I don't hear nothing more. We can hear something different. I think it's calmed down now. We don't hear about the Russians

shooting down planes no more. The Russians hate Malaysians. You know they shot two of those fucking planes down. At least. The first one that disappeared. The guy went to sleep. They were looking into terrorism. The fucking Russians shot that motherfucker down. They radiated that bitch. They never even found the fucking tire. Not a piece of luggage.

Nothing. You think they find something? Nothing. Who gots? Nothing. So next Wednesday we're at the fucking ice house. Next Wednesday we're at the Long Beach Laugh Factory. And we're trying to put a podcast together with a show. We're going down tomorrow night

to look at the things for cameras. They have like a screen that pops down. This is be like a new age type podcast we'll do down there yeah that'd be cool so let's go take a look tomorrow night so that's that's it's pretty i've been thinking about that all day how we can make that live podcast really fucking kicking down that mat full tron's coming down really yeah mat fulltons 's coming tom sigura might show up i got fucking uh duncan trussell if he gets back i think he gets back before the eighth he's on tour right now doing podcast tour really with some guy yeah i think he's in portland oregon or something wow he's really making it happen duncan all these guys

I spoke to Ari. Ari's in London. Wow. Chip Chally Hoan over there. He'd fucking fishing chips. You called him? Yeah, I called him. Your phone bill is going to be fucking here.

Who gets a fuck? That's brother. That's my brother. What am I going to do? Who gets a fuck? I'm unlimited. It's Sprint. I got to call fucking Malaysia.

Okay. I could call fucking African. Tell those Liberians to don't go nowhere. Suck my dick. Suck my dick. You got a flu. But it's pretty cool talking. For people who don't know, we just hit 10 million downloads.

On just iTunes. And this is all because of you. you guys. So it's pretty amazing. You know, we like doing these ourselves because we can tell you what's going on in our mind sometimes. So we're our own fucking guests tonight for you, people that are at home, smoking

dope, having a good time, you know what I'm saying? Jumping up and fucking down. This might be the first podcast that they masturbated to, Betty Page. I know, that was a good one. Betty Page, don't fucking... Hey, she showed up at the show. She's very pretty. She didn't act like a fucking jerk off, you know, most girls in that position.

She's a beautiful girl with gigantic tits, a great body, and they flaunt it, she hit it, you know. People are checking her out. She's a pretty girl. And I just thought it'd be interesting for you guys to get that perspective. You know, I would usually have her in the morning, but fuck it, who cares? It's Wednesday night, motherfuckers. Get your shit.

Together and shit. She doesn't like her burly. She has to recover from the last night. She sounds like she has fun every night. And talking about pain, it's crazy because my wife and I were watching Bubble Gopies time with the baby. I had ice on my knee. Great episode.

Fucking tremendous. I don't know which one it was. They opened up a pizza joint and shit. The baby was scared. Then we watched the Halloween one. But I was talking about how I got to go to, you know, I went to New York. I was telling them, I told it today about the pain. When I went to Jersey, I didn't realize.

I'm 51. I realize now that whenever I go back to I feel that pain again. It's going to be all so weird when I go back to Denver next week. Oh, wow. Yeah. How long has it been? Well, you go every year. Seriously?

It's been 19 years. Seriously. It's really been 19 years because when I go to Denver now, I go very controlled. Yeah. I go, I stay in Denver. I really haven't seen Boulder. It's got to be 13 years. Are you going back to Boulder?

Yeah, I'm going to go to Boulder on Friday morning, Friday afternoon and see some friends and shit. And then come back for the show Friday night. I'm going to go to look at the places where I kidnap. So I'll tape all this for you people. We'll make a special Matt Flavis world just to, you know, just to show you the memory with the fucking story so you guys know where it's at. So that's going to be very interesting. Is it snowing up there yet or no? No, but it could.

It could. The second week of October, fuck yeah. In fact, I'm very surprised they didn't get a big snowstorm in September, or did they? I don't know. I've been so busy,

haven't even touched space to see what's going on with the weather. They usually get one huge snowstorm in September. Like the day before was 90. Yeah. And the day after the snowstorm is like 65. But that foot snowstorm is just to let you know. They're like the Jews.

Just to let you know. Mother Nature hasn't forgotten. about you motherfuckers down below. So when are you in Denver? I leave next Wednesday night after the show. I'm going right from Long Beach on a red eye. They have a late night red eye. So I'm going to take it over there

and just do Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at the improv. Oh, great. You know, I don't even know. I think it's on West Kofax or East Kofax, one of those fucking streets. Everyone has the Internet now. Yeah, but it's funny how I started really on. East Kofax's a bad fucking street.

Or it was 20 years ago. Now with development, I don't know what it's like. I've heard people. I've asked people, and they said it's still pretty fucking bad down there. But I love Denver. I love that whole, I can't wait to eat some green chili. I'm going to put green chilling on everything. I'm going to do some working out in Denver.

I've got some people that reached out. One guy's going to help me with my knee and shit. So, you know, listen, man, I'm looking forward to traveling. Yeah. I also like seeing the people from Twitter. Oh, it's amazing. You know, it's just a great time, you know. This is my last week home for like seven weeks.

Wow. I know you don't care, but are you going to go and try? Try illegal weed? I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I know that. I don't get a fuck. Illegal, illegal. You know me, Doug.

I'm going to smoke it no matter what. When I go to one of the stores, I'll probably go to one of the stores. I'll probably reach out. Hopefully, Cheebo Chew, I'm going to hit them up tomorrow to do Cheebichu Thursday. Okay. Next Thursday at the comedy, at the improv. Maybe we'll all get eye and do some Cheebo Chewes. Remember I have them come down and give away some Cheeba Chewes and we'll get fucked up.

I'm not going to eat an edible for a while now. Really? Yeah, I'm pretty good for a while. Why? Because I just went through a bag of gummies, a bag of peanut butter brittles, and fucking six weeks are doing so kind with you here and getting fucked up. Is that a good enough reason? No, you're slipping. And especially after the other night, you got too fucked up.

Oh. You kept saying, oh, we bumped into. At the ha-ha, I was leaning on the parking meter forever. You ate 22 juju-bis day night. No, I had one. Yes, you did. I had one red one. I did.

I saw you going to the fucking store. No, I didn't. Oh, but no, that was. That was a crazy night. But I can't... I'm almost a little bit disappointed in you. Why? Because you walk around on four edibles every day, and now you're going to take a break?

I'm going to take a little breather. You got to take a little breather from time to time. I took a breather from. How come I don't get to say it went into breather time? Did you take a breather tonight? Well, tonight, but it's because you decided. I didn't decide. You could have eaten an edible if you wanted to.

You didn't say you wanted one. I got one in my bag for you want to eat it now? No. All right, then, Cocksucker. Then why are you breaking my chops? It's my job. It's not your fucking job. It's amazing.

This fucking kid breaking my balls to make because I didn't give him a fucking edible. Can you believe this? Usually I gave him an edible at 7.30. He looked at it for 10 minutes, told me, oh, oh, oh. Then he would bite it and he would hide it over there.

I guarantee there's still a fucking piece of edible over there. It's gone. There's not. There's nothing. No, it's, uh, trust me, I can't imagine the amount that you go through, but it's, I'm just surprised you're taking a break.

Nah, I went to Hickeepunctions. She cleaned my adrenals. She cut me and stuff, so she goes, you've been eating a lot of shit lately. I go, how do you know? She goes, I can smell it. So I said, fuck it, I'm done. That's when you know you had too much. I'll know tomorrow if I'm going to the Dodger game, the first playoff game Friday night.

With your uncle? Yeah, my uncle said he'd go. He said, fuck the bar. I close it. Because my cousin's going to Vegas to celebrate his birthday, so he didn't really have somebody. He goes, fuck, I'll just show up at 11. So I'll know tomorrow if I get the tickets so expensive. But it's my uncle, you know, and I'm going to have a good time with him on Friday.

I mean, you know, something happened to me last week when I went to that baseball game. What's that? Just, it brought back something that I had missed for a long time. I like baseball. Yeah. I like watching it. I like jumping up and down and saying, score, and you suck umpire. I don't even like that shit.

I just like sitting there and watching it just the way some people go fishing. People say sometimes people go fishing and they put their thing in it, and it's very therapeutic for them, a very, what's the word I'm looking for? You know, like therapy. Relaxing, yeah. I did, I left there, I thought I was going to be stressed out and I had such a great time listening to my uncle telling me why black

people can't hit the curve. I was fucking dying, you know, but he's got that baseball logic. Like, you know, most people in Denver like that night, it was a great game. People were leaving the seventh inning. It was fucking embarrassing. Yeah. How many people were just getting up, Gentiles, just to go to the game to tell people they went to

the fucking game. They weren't even there to be involved to cheer, they didn't care about the Dodgers, and they wear the hats and the fucking T-shirts, and they get up and leave at the 17. My uncle was looking at them. I thought he was going to get up and shoot them, because he's like, these fucking jerk-offs. This is when the game gets good, you know? And I'm one of those guys. I'm not going to lie to you. For a long time, I went to baseball games and left because of no interest. After last week, I sat there, I'm like, man, how many fucking baseball games did I go to as a child? Sitting next to him, reminding me sitting next to my mother at those baseball games.

He was a lot more quieter. I mean, he was 90% more fucking quiet than my mother would be. But it was just... Did he keep score? I imagine him keeping sure. No, he didn't keep score. No? He knew, he knows a lot about fucking baseball. You know, he's 78.

So he watches the team. I mean, he told me the nationals of the team to beat. In the National League, maybe, yeah. Yeah, in the National League. It's hard to keep track, but I love going to live games. On TV, there's just so many games that it's a little bit much. But like last night and tonight, there's

some good games on because they're playing to get into the playoffs. What's the score of the Giant Pittsburgh game? The Giants were killing the pirates when I came. Let's find out. What happened? The Giants were 5-0-0 when I left, but let's see. It should be over by now. Oh, yeah, the Giants killed

them, ain't nothing. Holy shit. Yeah. So, I mean, it's, uh, trust me, I love the Red Sox and stuff, but it's, uh, it's hard to get into it. But I understand what you're saying how you have to because i i know you you hate the traffic and and all in the lines and stuff but if i'm assuming you just like we're like okay i'm gonna be in traffic i might as

well enjoy it with my uncle and not worry about it and it's cool that you had a good time uh it's funny i i talk myself out of a lot of things i know a lot of people do that i'm one of them like today i had the jiu jitsu pants on the knee pants i taped my knee i taped my wrist i had the t-shirt on I had the bag made, and I was talking myself, I'd go on a jih-tih Tzu. Yeah. Because something's going to happen. The traffic, I'm going to lose my parking spot. It's amazing how your mind puts negative thoughts, and that's how I am about everything.

Before I leave the house, I give myself 50 reasons why I should stay home. You know, you're going to lose your parking spot. You're going to do this. You might, you know, and it's fucking mind-boggling how your mind works. Like, I'm surprised I don't suffer from depression. I know I suffer from a couple of issues, but that's one of them, that I'm basically, always like I thought that that night with Ari was going to be painful

because the story and Comedy Central it was fucking easy I went down at 3.30 I was home by 4 then I went back 10 o'clock with you they picked this up what's so hard about that? It's usually not as bad as you think of it's going to be I work myself up you know and I know a lot of people do that then I thought the fucking New York trip

oh my God it's going to New York trip was easiest pie it was easy it couldn't be any fucking easy you know I was dreading those two weeks because I hadn't been on the road for so long. I was dreading those two weeks, and they were beautiful. Now I'm looking forward to Denver. I'm looking forward to Baltimore. I'm looking forward to Miami. Then I got a week off, you know. So that's the, uh, it's just amazing how I talk myself out of shit. You know, I didn't work out Monday because I hurt my knee something. When I got off the plane,

I went to the Y and I was doing, uh, leg ups. You have to strengthen the knee. Okay. And Monday, my legs swole up a little bit, you know, and I was like, I'm not going to work out. And I shouldn't. I, oh, I went for a long long long. walk. Okay. That's why I went for a long walk and then I kept battling myself whether I should work out or not work out. I started giving myself reasons. Then by 11 o'clock I was pissed because I didn't go to the gym and do the epileptic, whatever the fuck it is. Right. Today I went to Jiu-Tube. Yesterday when I went to Dr. Amy, she told me the acupuncture. She goes, I'm happy he didn't work out today because your leg was really swollen. So she cupped it, she needleed it. She did

laser on it. She did the electromagnetic field on it, which I'm going to go by one at CVS for 100 bucks. So when you have an injury, you put the electro thing on there. Okay. And you strengthen it, and the electricity sends charges into your muscles and then to put blood into that area so it heals, which is what usually happens. Oh, that's cool. You're supposed

to give it. That's why I always say to you when your knee hurts, other people go, my knee hurts, I'm not going to wake up. Do me a favor. Go put some blood in it, and then see how it feels. Yeah. Once you put blood in that fucking knee or elbow or finger or wrist, my wrist hurts. Once I warm it up and I do wall pushups and shit, it's fine. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

It's amazing. You say how much you work yourself out of doing stuff. I had Steve Simone in here today, and I was at the gym. I was just sitting in a chair because I was finishing up a phone call before I went in. And I was at the gym in my stuff. And I was like, I'm not going to do this. I have, because I have this tonight. I have to go home and do some of this.

I was like, I'm not going to do it. And I just did it. And it's amazing how much time you can waste watching TV and put them the way I am. Yeah. Yeah, why do you think I'm the way I am? Because I know that when I sit down in the afternoons, and I watch TV sometimes, unless I have ice on my knee, I feel horrible, even if it's just 10 minutes with the baby.

Yeah. I feel terrible about myself, because I don't in the back of my mind there's something else positive I could be doing. Yeah. There's something I could be doing. I understand people's concerns with children watching TV. I grew up on TV. Me too.

I mean, that was my babysitter. Who the fuck are you kidding? And I loved it. I loved it. You know, I can see, I don't want mercy to be. be involved in television, but I can see her singing songs now from bubble guppy. She says, guppy, you know, whatever, little things. She's learning.

You know, my daughter's a fucking cunt hair away from putting a sentence together. Sorry about that, folks. She really is. She's a cunt hair away from putting, you know, she goes, she'll say, die a bubble, and then she'll go, and then she'll stop the fucking sentence. I don't know what the fuck she's saying. She sounds like a little apocalyptic. I just have a conversation with her.

But the more I talk to her, the smartest she's going to be. The more I talk to, I ask her questions. I drill it. Even if she don't ask me, I don't give her fuck. I ask her questions, where do you want to go? What do you want to eat? She don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Maybe she does. But one day she's going to put that whole sentence together, like the mermaid and fucking whatever. And then you're going to be in trouble.

Oh, my God. If she starts saying, fuck you guys, ISIS don't kill black people. I'm going to have problems at daycare. No, she's going to turn off sons of anarchy. It's bubblegub this time. Oh, she throws a fit when you turn on TV. Let's give a shout out to some fucking. sponsors. We can wrap this shit up so people can go to bed

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Those corn kernels are fucking delicious. Yeah, that's what they sent me. Delicious. Listen, why fuck around? They don't even have, do you have gluten-free? They got zero artificial colors, sweetness, zero grams trans fat, and no high-futose corn syrup. Why fuck around? You're going to hear from me? Get the cocoa almonds, get the baked, the sweet potato fries, get the peanut butter,

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And the cool thing is, it's totally free. They don't charge you for shipping. They don't fuck around. So it's like, honestly, you're going to need snacks. You're fucking stoned right now. Right now, you can have a sarachi fucking walnut. Whatever fuck. Sarachi, cash, it.

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These guys are the original. My man, Dave. I love these fucking guys. Like Lee said, every time you see him, They were giving everybody fucking snacks at the Comedy Central thing. The cameraman, the Mexican sweep, and they don't give a fuck. They want everybody to be high. The best vapor pen on the market, they also have T-shirts there.

They have a bunch of stuff. Do me a favor. After you get your free box, invasion box, go to, uh, NeldalLife.com and press what? Joey Diaz. But honestly, go there first because you're going to want to have the snacks by the time you get this pen. Well, you think you're fucking with it. Do me a favor. I don't know if you've seen this chain around my neck, especially living in Hudson County or the New York City area.

there's gold, like when you go to Zales and all that shit, you get ripped off. And then there's people who take care of you. You know, when I went home, this time I bought a chain, a little thing from my daughter. And this time, this time I bought a ring for my wife. When I got married to my wife, all I had was $40. We got a Walmart ring for $40. And I always wanted to give her something. So for our fifth anniversary next month, I wanted to save up money and give her a ring.

Oh, that's great. I went there and found her a ring. I can't even tell you the price for a one-carried fucking ring that he gave me. It was cheaper than fuck. His name is Mike. Go to Crespo's Jewelers. They're in Union City. Fucking Tremendous. Mike will take care. I spoke him today. I called him. I said to thank him.

Because I can't trust nobody out here. You can't trust nobody out here. You go to Zales. They charge you triple for what it's fucking work. So I... So what's the name of the jewelry place? Crespo's Jewelry. Right on fucking West New York there. This is not a sponsorship. They're dear friends of mine. And they have two locations, so I

told them I would give them some love. They take care of me all the time, man. And that's what I'm looking for. I want them to take care of you, the same way they take care of me. If you're in the New York City, Hudson County area, Crespo's fucking jewelry. And that's it, cock suckers. That's the cool thing, because whenever you watch these travel shows, they're always going to these restaurants and having these amazing adventures, and you're like, if I'm going to, if I go to China, I'm not going to get that. The coolest part about the stuff we have as partners here is that you can have exactly what we're having. It's pretty awesome. We don't fuck around here at the church, man. I'm happy you

guys tuned them tonight. I don't know how to say this. I'm sorry about fucking Monday. Things happen. You know what I'm saying? Things fucking happen. But anyway, you guys know I love you to death. Remember, 10-8, October 8, I'm at the Long Beach Laugh Factory. October 9th to the 11th. I'm at the Denver.

Improv. And 1015 to the 18th of summer. I'm at the Baltimore. I forget the name of the fucking club. Let me look it up. Can you believe that shit? The toy factory, the laugh factory. See, you need a...

edible. I'm sorry. I just burped into the fucking microphone. You are at the let me check here. You are at the comedy factory in Baltimore, Maryland. The 16th and 17. Let's just start with fucking the Long Beach Laugh Factory in Denver. Let's just get those dates down. Do me a favor, guys. I love you guys. Thank you for listening. Thank you very much with the 10 million downloads. Lee and myself want to thank you for being a great,

a great network. We have here. We got a lot of love. And you guys know when you come to I love each and every one of you from talking lair with all my fucking heart to Oscar Nunes to Leon to Cleo you know there's just so many years to my main man waterbox and his beautiful wife you guys have given us so much love

Constantine Rain. I mean there's so many fucking people Laura oh my God the list goes on and on and on Joey Rookland thank you thank you I'm not the cleanest guy in the world I'm not the funniest guy in the world but I love you motherfuckers and I appreciate you

like you wouldn't believe. You guys have changed my fucking life because you've made me that much better. So I want to thank you for what you've done to me the last two years. Lee, you're going to tell these cuckers or anything? No, you're right. And it's not a lot of people say fans.

And you've said it's from the beginning. I don't want a fan. If you want to be a fan, I can't have you around. Friking Lair is like my best friend in Vegas now. He torments me because he knows I'm Jewish and he always posts these pictures. Neely Samuels. 3,000.

Oh, Neillius Samuels is hilarious. Fucking hilarious. You know, we've been blessed with some great people in our lives, man. And I know you hear a lot of shit and fake fucking things. If you know anything about me, I really appreciate you guys. I really appreciate what you've done for my life and how you've kept me in check. And how you may be a better fucking man. You make me right.

And you make me do good things for you guys to be healthy because I want you to do the same. I became a comedian not because I'm better than you fucking guys. I became a comedian because I was a loser. And I had nothing else to do. and there's nothing else I want to try. And this is where we are now. And I want you people to know you could all do the same thing whatever the fuck you want to do.

It's not about comedy or money. Just be happy and smoke dope and eat somebody's asshole. But the most important thing to live your life, how you want to fucking live it on your terms, bitch. I love you. Thank you for watching the church every week. All right, guys. Now that the show is over, don't forget,

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You'll smoke some more part right now, too, cuck's up. I can't wait. Thank God you have the Miondi's on. That's right. So go to their meandies.com slash Joey. It's 20% off of your first order, and they give you free shipping. So that's even more because you know how these companies

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A little heck to Levo for you, motherfuckers, on the way out. Hit it Lee.