The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #223 - Joey Diaz, Nicholas Turturro and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: October 21, 2014

Nicholas Turturro, Actor in the Longest Yard and NYPD Blue, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Music:  Your're The One For Me - D-Train I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Your're The One For Me - D-Train Recorded on 10/20/2014

This show is sponsored by Dollar Shaveclub.com. Get high-quality raises to Scentiator every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to Dollar Shaveclub.com slash church. That's Dollar ShaveClub.com slash church. Or just go to joey-dias.net. And if you go right now, Dollar Shave Club is giving away a bottle of the Dr. Carver Shave butter with every order. The show is also sponsored by Ona.com. What's so funny?

Dr. Carv is Shave butter. You rub it on your nuts. You shave your fucking For people that don't know He gave him an edible about 30 minutes ago An hour ago We're going deep, all right The show is also sponsored by Onet.com

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The proof is in the vape They have e-cigarettes and e-sigrars for you a bunch of different levels of nicotine, different flavors for the cigarettes, use code word Joey's church to get 20% off. That's the wrong way. Stop that, stop that stuff. Go back to D-Train.

You're the one for me, the one in the top. Come on, let's go. That's the name of that. You're slipping. That's the fucking instrumental. Like, this is Superfly or something. And black people have stripped broke. It ain't that.

Okay. Let's go. You're fucking up. This is D-Train from the jump here. You're slipping. Already. It's Monday night. Here we go, people.

Kick this month. motherfucker. Oh shit. Monday, October 21st, the devil was fucked in the fucking asshole today. 2,000 years ago by St. Michael. Oh shit. This is as deep as it fucking gets you, you little miserable fucks. The church of what's happening out. Lee Syatt, Nick Tatorea. What the fuck? Let's rock this motherfucker. Oh, ha, ho! Kick it, Lee. Yeah. It's Monday night

Up in the Valley, motherfuckers Nick the Turo in the house Lee Sallayette, rock it With disco on my mind Stone Down to the motherfucking gills What? Come on

I showered, I rubbed my feet My knee feels good It's a fucking beautiful Day to be alive, cocktuckers Yeah Mad Flavor here Nick Tatoro Lee Bougaloo

where's the fucking Syatt Sayat, Sayat How are you guys doing? Thank you for coming into the church I'm sorry I'm a little late tonight Things fucking happen This is L.A. There's traffic

Immigration's out there What happened to the Mexican kids On the buses? They stopped coming up No, they didn't Nobody talks about them no more They're the ones that are transporting The fucking heroin

And the age and breaking bad Well you've been all weekend Cox Sucked Playing family feud again With the house Yeah, I went to a dumping place In Korea Town which was fun And then I went

saw a Rocky Horror Picture Show, which was fucking terrible. I had never been. I had never been and I went over in L.A. And I don't know if it's the same everywhere, but they had actors doing it. And there were people there who had seen it a hundred times. They'd people raised their hand.

But the one thing I would say is if you're a single guy, there's a lot of half-naked girls there. And they make out before the show on stage. So if you were a single guy, I don't go to the show, but just like hang out at like three in the morning. Because there are a lot of fucking victims there. Oh, God. love.

They probably got chlamydia. Let's help with you. Nikki Totoro, you're in the house. All right, Joe. How are you feeling, buddy? Look at the glasses, they look good. Yeah, I can't see without them. Jesus Christ, is that fucking amazing?

That one day you could see signs. People like, how good is your eye vision? A week later, you can't see. You're going to a restaurant, you forget your glasses. How fucking upset are you? I'm screwed. You're screwed. Because I got a stigma.

I got the distance and the reading. Like, even like a script, I got to have my glasses. I got to check the sides or a script. I'm panicked. My dad just got that laser thing. He says it's great. He says he's 20-20 vision again. Yeah, but you got to be a candidate for that.

I just blew two auditions without my glasses. One that I just, like this year, probably three. Last year, probably three. This year I did one Blue Bloods and they asked me and they said, I think somebody didn't like my glasses. And they said, can you do it without the glasses? And I said, well, if the guy gets close enough, you know, maybe he won't be that blurry to me.

So I'll try it. I'll try it. But I don't like contacts. I put him in my eyes. and I just don't feel comfortable in my eyes. I couldn't even get them in my eyes because my eyes were too dry. It's amazing.

Those people, I just put them in the shit. It's scary. It's a weird. When I was a kid, I always wanted to get them. But my eyesight was so good, the fucking doctor wouldn't give them to me. Now they're asking me if I want to put one in one eye. Yeah.

Just for auditions. Like, just put one in one eye. My dad had cataracts at like 40. He went blind, both eyes. And then he had to have the hard lenses. My mother used to put him in. And then when he took him out at night, my mother would take him out,

and then he would put on these Cyclops glasses. They looked like for a blind person. But when they had a big fight, a big argument, my mother wouldn't touch his eyes. And he used to get in front of this mirror. He was kind of a scary guy. He had a big face. And he would put his eyes.

He'd look in the mirror, and he's looking at his eyeball. And he'd go, Nicholas, Nicholas, can you see it? I don't want to touch his eye. I wouldn't touch his eye with a 10-foot pole. I go, no, no, Dad. I don't see shit. I'm like, no way was I going to touch this man's eye.

Because the only person I could touch his eyes was my mother. And it was hilarious because he'd be looking in the mirror like this. You know, his eyeball looks big and he's scary looking. I'm like, I'm not going to touch this man. No way. It's fucking crazy what you have to do. Is it a big thing at auditions not to go with glasses? Because for someone, I've never been in anything.

And I would think, oh, if you need it at the read-through, yeah, but when you memorize it, you'll be fine. And is it a big deal? Now I'm learning that I should put them on, excuse myself. I'd explain to them that if I booked apart, I'll be off book. That's what I'm going to do from now. Right. But just for security purposes, just so this could go smooth because I just blew one.

I just blew a fucking audition for whatever fuck it was. What was it? Bones. Bones. And what? You didn't wear the glasses? Yeah, and I thought I knew the material. But once I went in, there's some instances that if there's a lot of lighting, in the room, I got this.

But if there's no one... But if you're not off book, you know, you've got to have the glasses there. At least put them on and off. I'll have, yeah, but, you know, the fucking, with the characters, I went for one for Disney, for an old guy, the Epitone was there,

and I blew that one without the glasses. I made a joke, but, you know, right. You know, it's smoother when you have the glasses off and you know it, but sometimes you pick up an audition, you read it 10 million fucking times, and you're still going there and don't know it,

all of a sudden. You know, when you book a row, when you audition, you go in with a piece of paper. Then they usually call you, this is in the old days. Yeah. Right? You went to a pre-read. How are you doing, Nick?

What's going on? What have you been doing all your life? Nothing jerking off. Okay, read that piece of paper. Come back today at 11. Then you went back at 11, and there was a person in the room with a camera, and you did it again. Then they said, Tio, all right, come back Wednesday.

You went back Wednesday, and now there was 18 motherfuckers in the room. And you read that. Now, when you went in there, you were off book, but you had it in your hand. But you were off book. You were going to five. fucking producers. You were off book.

You know, you had to throw your hands up and get excited. You still have it in there just to guide you, but you're off book. Then once you book it, the beauty of it is

you rehearse while you're blocking. And that's when I learned it. I don't learn it before that. Once I'm there, the ball's ready to go and I know there's a check in the mail, all of a sudden it just comes to me. Once I do that paperwork,

all of a sudden my memory fucking works. It's amazing what happens to your fucking memories. You don't even go in knowing, you know, heart to heart, really, huh? Sometimes they're just looking. You know, somebody once told me, think about Marlon Brando and the Godfather. He was looking at the dude's stickers when he made that speech.

Yeah. Even if he didn't catch the sticker, he would have came up with a word, but his character would have still been who he was. So that's how I play it sometimes. Even if I don't know that line, I'll say something that this dumb fuck would say. I call him a dumb fuck

because I'm not reading to be no scientist. I'm not going to Mars. Luigi Santillermo is not going to Mars, not this fucking year. Why is it different memorizing a full hour of stand-up? You don't memorize. You do a little bit different every time. But is it a five-minute scene harder than an hour of stand-up? Because it seems like it would be...

You know, when you have stand-up, it's the words that you wrote. Okay. When you have acting, it's the word somebody else wrote. And sometimes you're reading them going, I don't fucking know what this guy's talking about. I have no fucking idea. Listen, when I did NYPD Blue, So this guy, David Milch used to write some odd dialogue

that it was hard just to even say it. That's funny because when I read for that horse show, the dialogue was fucking just absurd. So you know how I got through it? I just figured away how to say it. And if I said it, I figured eventually I'd figure out what I'm saying and I would get it. And then I would find a way to,

I'd still never know what I was entirely saying, but the fact that I came out of my mouth and I was able to say it was a big deal. And a lot of people came up to me years ago and say, hey, Nick, you know, you have some really odd dialogue. You ever feel that way? Oh, yeah, all the time. Because he writes kind of like really weird.

I don't know, he writes it on purpose that way, but he says things in a roundabout and a backwards way that you don't really know what the fuck he's saying half the time. It was good dialogue when you nailed it. But he wanted, said it, you know, verbatim, word for word. The script person will come up to you on that show and say, Nikki, you forgot if you worked so hard to say something so difficult, and then they come in with a word here or there and you'd go,

son of a bitch, don't tell me that now. I got it. I nailed it. But when you did get it, it was satisfying. And it was good writing, but it wasn't always the most natural. It wasn't very organic. It was very unnatural. Very, very weird. Even more weird than even like, you know, David Mamet. If you ever read David Mamet, it's, you know, you know, It's very stylized. You know, it's not the way normal people talk. It's just a style. But Milch is definitely some odd dialogue.

And I think he got even weird or over it. Because I read that one pilot, and I couldn't understand it. I didn't know what the fuck he was focused on. I didn't understand it. I didn't understand it. Even when I saw the show, a lot of times, I didn't get the show. NYPD Blue, it wasn't that crazy. But there was some weird stuff on, and that was a great show.

How about NYPD Blue? I was looking at watching something. last Tuesday night, and I went into a drip zone. And the guy's name is Jimmy fucking Smith. I walked into a bar 30 years ago on a Sunday night, and a pilot was on for the show called Miami Vice. And he gets blown up in the beginning.

I never forgot his face. I had seen him before on something, but I never forgot his fucking face. It was like the Puerto Rican guy from Sanford and Son. He played every Puerto Rican on every network. for 10 years. Oh, right, that guy. You know who I'm from?

Julio. Julio, yeah, yeah. And then Jimmy Smith came. As soon as I heard him talk, I knew he was either Puerto Rican or Cuban, and they blow him up. Mm-hmm. Then I don't know what else he popped in on.

L.A. Law. L.A. Law. Before NYPD-P? Oh, yeah. He was a regular in L.A. law. That's right. He was a regular, and he, I don't know if he was a nominee or he won an Emmy,

but he, you know, he did a bunch of years on L. And then he left L. law to pursue. He had some movie shots, but he did a few years. He didn't like leave right away. And he had a good reputation with Bocco and all those guys. And then he had some movie shots. Me Familiar, tremendous movie. He was really good in that. Really good in that. That's one of my all-time fucking favorites. And you know, it's a movie about Mexicans and they're all Puerto Rican. Yeah. Jennifer Lopez dies in the beginning. Jimmy Smith, somebody else's Puerto Rican. Fucking great movie. He's a good guy, too. He's a really good guy.

He's up. He bumped into him in a concert when I sat next to him and he got up. I said to him, I know your cousin in the Bronx. When I used to run numbers, this guy came up to your dog when you go to LA. Look up my cousin and shahedito. Everybody's Hector. All his cousins are Hector. He's a good dude, man.

He offered me a beer and he got me a beer. I was on a date. Now he's on fuck. Then he was on Dexter. Now he's on sons of Anarchy and he's fucking. He walked away from NYPD Blue. Let me tell you something. That guy's got integrity.

He walked away from a lot of money. I mean, he could have milked that in the late of years. He was there for a lot of years. I mean, he came into the trail and he told, you know, he said, I'm leaving. This is my last year. I'm my last, you know, and he was really just such a great guy. What was the reason for his leaving?

I think he didn't like the way the show was going, and it wasn't scripts weren't being written. It was really difficult for those guys because they had to wait. Miltch would be laying on his back, like writing dialogue, and they had to wait for all the dialogue to come down. It was no scripts. And he just, when you're a lead on that,

you've got to have time to prepare, you've got to have script. He couldn't continue working that way. He just couldn't, I guess he couldn't do it no more. And, you know, Dennis Franz, you know, he went the full distance. That was the first time I started watching that show, the year he died or the year before. That was a great episode.

That made me cry. Yeah, me too. That made me cry. It was on Tuesday nights. Tuesday at 10. And I remember going, I had a spot at the store. And I remember living in the valley right here on right fucking here, three, four blocks away.

By the fish place, right down the block. I lived right there, I was like holding on. That was the only show I was watching because I always audition for it. Did they ever use you? They used me. When? When Ricky Schroeder?

When Ricky was there? First year, Ricky Schroda. The other guy was still there. The cop from New York, whatever his name is. He arrested me. He put the cubs on me. Who? Which cop? The fucking guy, the ugly dude,

that made a living on the show that everybody loved because he was a prick. Um... There was only one of those. There was Jimmy Smith, the Red Devil, you, and another chunky fucking cop that was mean on the show to everybody. Oh, Dennis Franz? Yeah.

A Cipowitz. Yeah, Cipowitz. Yeah. So you were arrested by Cipowitz? Cipowitz and Cipowitz. He's a good guy, Dennis Friends. Ricky Schroeder in a pool hall downtown we shot. But I had gone in one of my first reach ever in this town.

How I booked basketball was I went in for a nine, page. Like, listen, guys, I just got here. I just got here. I just got here. I just got here in January. And it's April. And I don't know nothing about acting. Guys, nothing. I know how to get on stage. I know nothing. The movies I watch, that's it.

And I sign with him, manage, and he goes, listen, you know, I have to send you out for a distance because I can't make a living on 50 bucks. At the time, I was making $500 a week on the road for a whole fucking week. And that's with a plane ticket. Like, you've got to get a plane ticket. And the balance, you kept. And you still had to pay the guy 50 fucking bucks.

And he's like, I can't make a living. I'm going to start sending you out for a dish. So he sent me out for something like a, what do you call those things? When a company does a trailer for their fucking employees. An industrial. Industrial. And I didn't get it, but I got a call back. And he goes, you know, you're on to something.

He goes, my client's never, fucking industrial. They don't have lines. You just pick up a box. Like you pick up a fucking box. That's what you're supposed to do. And then they called me back in. They had a mix and match. And all this was like $300.

But to me, I would just want to book the thing. Then he calls one and they goes, hey, you're going in for NYPD Blue. Julio, Hector, something. I get to the fucking audition. I walk in. Who's the first guy in the room? Machete. I lose it.

I just almost shit my pants. I almost ripped up the fucking scenes and left. Chente? Yeah, the fucking Mexican. Trejo. Trejo. He's the first guy in the room when I walked in. Oh, that guy.

He was on the show. Yeah, no shit. He's the first guy in the role. That was one of his first jobs, I think. Yeah, he's the first guy in the row. You know who's first job? Now he's a big shot movie actor, this kid, this Mexican kid. He's in every fucking movie out there.

And I'm friends with him. I don't know. But I'm like, does it got to be in every movie, Pena, Michael Pena? His first, because he came up to me, we were doing World Trade Center. He was like, yeah, man, you know, first job. I remember you were nice to me. I said, yeah, damn straight. Now he's like, you know, he's one of the it Mexican and Hispanic guys.

whatever but I mean everybody you know guys and that was his first job we had so many great actors that were on that show I like the chick I just bumped into her ex-husband at a at a thing and he's old oh I should I worked with him I worked with the ex-husband the one that's the Italian guy that's been around town he was the original Don Johnson and then they came and they fired him when they hired Don Johnson from Miami Vice the chick that was married to fucking the Puerto Rican on the show to Jimmy Smiths Oh, oh, brother, the, the, the, uh, you mean the, the, Delaney. Delaney, who's her husband?

Joey Cortez. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, Joey Cortez. Crazy guy. I love Joey. I love, he's got, he did a fucking movie in, uh, we were doing a movie in a place called Ossoyos. It was in the, uh, the borderline of eastern Washington and Canada.

And we were, we were, it was 2000. The, the subway series. I was going crazy. But it was before the subways. It was the Yankees were playing the Mariners. And I was going out of my mind. I couldn't watch the freaking game. Joey goes, let's go bang on some doors.

I go, we're in the, no, the sticks over here. What doors? He knocked on the guy's door. He goes, we're actors here. You think we could watch a little bit of the Yankee Marin again? I said, Joey, you're out of your fucking mind. This guy looked like he had dead bodies in the basement. And he had a dog.

That was a wolf dog. The dog was a wolf. He was sniffing my balls. And I said, Joey, I think we're going to have to leave. Because Joey goes, hey, is that a wolf? And the guy goes, yeah. He goes, this is my daughter. I thought it was like this, you know, there's something weird.

We better get out of here, Joey. And he was like, yeah, I think you're right. It was kind of weird. I go, I know. Don't be knocking on the door. He was a riot. He was a riot. Because I remember when he first, she said things about him.

Then when I met him, he was like, I thought you said some shit about me. I said, I don't know. She said, you were a fucking nut. What do you want from me? She's a nut. You're a nut, but I liked him. Anyway, I liked him. I thought he was a lot of fun.

I liked him. I did a movie with him up in. Where did you work with him? Sacramento. We had to do a racetrack scene. Yeah. Just this god. You want me to tell you something?

The movie wasn't bad. And you want me to tell you something else? Not a bad actor. This is one of the lessons I learned. This was a kid from Jersey who was a recurring an NYPD blue like an extra. He was one of the patrol cops. Okay.

And he was. I, MD beat him. He did like eight episodes or something. He was a patrol cop like a guy in a uniform. You're not talking about Belich, are you? No. Billy's like a legendary stand-in, whatever. And he had a hot girlfriend that was,

she had a manager that only had her and Faye Dunaway. Like, this chick was the next thing. Yeah. And this actor, this other dude who I bump into every three years, he was in Flamingo Kid. He hung out, he was the sidekick to Matt Dillon. My brother was in that. My brother was like putting an ass in Matt Dillon's shirt or something.

That is one of the funniest movies. A funny little movie. Oh, my God. We're fucking, oh my God. the flamingo. Who was he in the flamingo kid? He's the one that would hang out with Matt Dillon. Matt, that movie's got like three great lines when Matt Dillon goes, where are we going for him?

We're going up to the island to play cards. What, were you going to fix me with some Bim Boll? He goes, no, these are bin bets. You know who's in that movie? The Barbarian brothers. They play the lifeguards. The two muscle builders, they drove Matt Dillon into the fucking water. It's a tremendous movie.

It's a good movie. It's about Matt Dillon was in Brooklyn with Hector Elizondo as his father. He got the Chubby sister and the mother, and he takes a summer job up in the island. They play cards with the Richard Crenner. Richard Crenner, Rambo's boss. Fucking pro-gris. And he cheats, and he has the heart attack,

the fat guy that puts the cards in his stomach. Good little movie. Act Alizando's good. Yesterday afternoon, I get off a fucking plan. I'm tired. The baby's sleeping 10 minutes. I'm sitting there with the electrodes on my knee. I'm like, I got to take a fucking nap.

But let me just scroll through what's going on. And I scroll through and my movie's on and it just started. Which one? Grudge Match. To live and die in L.A. And as I put it on, it's your brother in this jail cell talking to William Peterson. William Defoe. Oh, William Defoe. William Defoe is coming to visit him.

Oh, that's a good scene. My God, I don't know how many times I've talked, spoken about this movie. Any podcast I do when it's about a movie. That's one of my all-time favorite. And it's about a subject that they don't even talk about counterfeiting. They've never made another movie about counterfeiting, have they? Not much. They won't.

They won't. I guarantee the Fed's like, listen, no more counterfeit movies. You walk on the thread there, dog. That's a tight issue. It's like Harry in your pocket. It's a movie about big pockets. Which one? To Live and Die in LA?

Early, bro. I've seen that in Boulder as a fucking 20-year-old. Underrated. And my mind blew up. I was like, fuck it. That's just a man. Till this day. this till this day

I stole your brother's lying that movie don't forget about me right don't forget don't forget about me yeah I promise not to come in your mouth right that checks in the mail and I promise not to come in your mouth fucking tremendous movie

what is he drinking peptoe he goes yeah give me this pink cement or some shit he's really good in the movie and then Peterson gets him in the end when he's with his fucking girlfriend after he escapes he beats Peterson that fucking great the whole movie the foe the chick The chick is Mickey Rourke's wife

Was it Mickey Rook's wife? Yeah The chick that the foe's fucking is Mickey Rourke's wife Oh the blonde chick? Hmm? The blonde chick? The blonde chick. Remember there was a brunette that were lesbians

They were lesbians Bro, the foe was fucking lesbians He was great in that the foe The foe was burning shit And shooting people They shot the dude in the fucking face And when he goes in the room With the black guy and he's like

I need my paper back He goes I need my paper back now The guy goes get out of my crib get the fuck out of my crib the guy goes and DeFaults light goes man he does a number on him Tremendous

He's burning all the money It's no good to me now He's sitting there naked And he's burning the money It's a dark fucking It's a good movie It is a dark movie Dark dark

Because L.A. is dark It kind of nailed L.A. You know It was one of the movies that didn't make L.A. look so You know everything Beverly Hills Hills. That came out in 85 or 84

My dad was still alive We went to the theater We got all excited We never saw John on the big screen. My dad was yelling when he was running through the air. Go, John, go! He was fucking yelling. We're like, yeah, go, man.

And my father goes, man, he could fucking run. He look at him, Ron, Nicholas. I go, yeah, he's running, man. Because we had never really saw him in a movie, a big movie. So this was like a big deal to see him, man. When he ran for the airport, we got, we got revved up. We were yelling. We were, you know, we were like, we got caught up in the hysterica.

Come on, John. Yeah. People were looking at him. Yeah, because we were like that. You know, we were to. express ourselves. My father was like, you know, we couldn't believe when we saw that. We were like, wow, this is great. Look at Johnny Run. Look at him run through the airport. Look at Big John Go, Nicholas. I go, yeah, yeah, look at him. Go, man. He's hot. You know, it was funny, man. My dad was one of these

guys that was like unconsciously funny, didn't even know it. He was so naked. You know, even John's wife recently said to me, you know who I really miss your father. She said, man, I really wish I would have got to know him. He was fascinating. I go, I know he was. I know. He was. He was like, you know, he didn't know. He wasn't trying to be funny. He just, he was what he was. I mean, he's actually even funnier than my brother. My brother's really serious. He was serious, but he doesn't even know how funny he was. He was just so funny, this guy. I'm my, you know, he was just, I don't know, it's hard to describe it. Both years are funny, but you get that. Yeah, but this guy. You're both hilarious. I mean, he's hilarious and do the right thing.

And then you're both hilarious and I'll tell you. If you were heard of say goodbye on the phone, you'd pee in your pants. It's like this. All right. All right. I'll see you later. All right. All right, John. Goodbye, John. All right. Bye, bye, Nick. All right. It was great. Great talking. All right, bye-bye. All right, talk to you later. Take care. All right, take care. All right. Take it easy. Bye-bye. Bye. All right. I'll see you. All right. Check in. Bye. I love you.

Bye. I mean, this is, it goes on and on and on. It's crazy. It's crazy. I mean, the repetition that goes on and on and on and on. I mean, he'll tell me, You never listen to me. You never listen to me. I told you to lose some weight. If you lost some weight, you'd have a better career. You got a good face. You're handsome.

Girls like you. But you're not in shape. You got to get in shape. You got to get in better. You want me to help you? You want me to help you? Yeah, I'll help you. Then you got to help me.

Then you got to help me. I got to help you. Yeah. You got to lose some weight. You got to look. I'm like, all right. I'm not a big fat guy. I'm not a skinny guy.

So you can't fall somewhere in the middle. You know, I mean, he's always like, you know, I see you walk up the stairs. I'm in this brownstone. I see you breathing hard. I see, yeah, they're high stairs, John. I go, they're high. I got to walk them.

I'm out of breath. You're out of breath. You're out of shape. You're out of shape. How much you weigh? I go, 185. I'm 180, man, I'm 6'1. I'm 180.

You're 580, you're 185. You're carrying too much weight. I told you. You had too much. Like I'm 2,000 pounds. I'm not that fat. I do have a stomach. I got to get rid of the stomach.

It has hurt me. I realize in this business, I always thought more acting, you know would be you know could super you know see you know but you know what the people look at you they look at your fit it's different if you're a big big heavy guy it works for those guys maybe I wanted to be a big heavy guy but I'm I never got to be that big I mean even Sandler one time when I lost weight and Chuck and Larry goes what are losing weight for Sandlin was like I like you I like it with the weight you know because I was when

doing Bruce you it was a little heavier and I did Chuck and Larry I lost some weight I was doing the fit club but I was the skinny guy in the fit club I was the skinny guy I went from 177 to 53. I was like in fighting shape. You don't even do that show no more. Nah, I don't know when I'd do it. I had a good time, but I got paid and I was, I worked very hard. I worked very hard, but I didn't keep it up. I didn't keep it up after, you know, after I did it, but I didn't have a lot of fun on it. Well, it was great when you're on the show. They sent the coffee. They drove over to the train. Everything. They sent me food.

I had old trainers. I was boxing. I used to get up every couple of weeks, get on a scale, weigh myself in. I was with fat Vinnie Pestor. You know, these other guys were all lazy. All the fat people, they were lazy. You know, I, I worked very hard. And I was skinny guy i mean i was skinny guy for the celebrity fit club by the end of it i got you know i got something out of it i just wish i would have stayed with it because i i was very you know i was getting paid so i didn't and i liked i liked you know i liked competing i was competing against uh the guy from the love boat i i i i mean and him were going at it we were always going at it man you know trying to beat each other in this competition that it was a good time what how were you when you got

the acting bug uh you know when i first got real serious about it was when I met Spike, like in the late 80s, like 89, 88, 8. How did you meet Spike? You were a doorman at the time. I was a doorman, and then I had, I had, you union? Yeah, I was union, local 144. No shit. Yeah, not 32B, 144.

How long were you a dormant? 10 years. Same of it's on the park. Central Park South and 59th and the union sends you there. No, the union, I got the job on my own. Okay. I got the job because I worked as a bellhop and I know. the hotel years ago.

And then I was going to college and I was disenchanted with college at the time. I wanted to get back into the hotel because I knew I could make cash because I was a bellhop one summer. And my brother was like, you're not going to stay with this job, are you? I was like, I was digging the cash because I had a lot of, you know, I was making green and plus I had a salary in cash. And I always wanted to get another job again. So the guy that hired me, my father was there in construction.

His name was Flavity. Mark Flavry was a red cherry Irish guy who was really pegged with clothes. And he went from the Harley, hotel to the St. Moritz. I was trying to track him down. So I called his office one day and he goes, who is this? They said, I said, it's Nick Totoro. And I said, I know he's my father, worked for him. He knew my father. They said, what company are you from? And I said, Morse Diesel, that was my father's company. So Mr. Flavity got on the phone. He goes, hello, Nick. How are you? And I said, okay, Mark, how are you? I just lowered my voice. I said,

how are you doing? You know, good, good. And I tried to talk about construction. I said, remember my son who worked for you over at the other he goes oh yeah he's out there looking for a job you know maybe you go send him over so my father came on my dad i called up flarity because you did what did you say i said i was you did son of a bitch what did say i said come down so the next day i went down there and there was a bell captain there that used to hire everybody he was there for like 40 years so he thought he was like god like who the fuck that i know i went over his head and the guy flaredy basically told him you got to hire this kid.

You got to hire this kid, you know. So I went in there as like a relief doorman, two days a week. And so I used to work like a couple of days on the weekend. And then the other guy who was a fuck up, this other doorman, Brian, he got canned one time. So I said, I'm the next doorman in line, right?

The guy who was the union guy, Al goes, yeah, it's your job. And this guy, Donald didn't want to give it to me. He goes, I don't know. He was Yugoslidman. That's how he talked. I don't know. I don't know if you're going to get it.

I said, no, Donald. Donald. I said, I'm the next guy. I said, Donald, I'm the next guy. You hear what I'm saying? I said, Al, am I entitled to that job? It goes, damn straight. Al had a mumbled one of those moustaches, hand-the-bar mustache.

So Al said, it's your job if you want it. So I took the job from fucking Brian, and I got stuck there. And I became like this, you know, I was out there and I was hailing calves, meeting chicks. And I was, I was wild. I was all over the street, you know. And I was like, I was the third door man. Then I worked way up to the second door, man.

But I had quite a following over there And then when the acting gig hit Like in the late 80s I started After I met Spike And then Spike put me in the movie After this extra thing And this voiceover thing I did for him and do the right thing

I did all this scream and racial obscenities And then he put me in a movie Yeah, that's how I got the job Because he called me up one day He said, do you want to loop? And I said, yeah, I'll loop I didn't know what looping was So he brought me in to scream racial obscenities

That's how my career started Which wasn't hard for me. So, you know, I went really, I went really out there, you know, I said every, Spike loved it. And Spike said, you could say whatever you want to care. You know what I mean? So my voice was all over the end when they're burning the pizzeria down and now I hear my voice, you know, get that gorilla in this and you know, whatever I was saying. You son of a bitch. And I was, you know, hosem. I can't say the word. It's terrible. But Spike loved it. And then he gave me a part and more better blues. And my brother said, this guy really likes you.

You know, and I have taken some acting class. I didn't, I was a theater major years ago at Adelphi, and I didn't like it because I was running around in tights. I felt kind of fruity, and I wasn't, you know, I wasn't into that stuff. My nut is stuck. I don't think. Sometimes your nut get stuck and you can't work it out of there. You're better with people watching on YouTube.

But then, you know, I started getting serious about it. After Moe better, then Spike said, yo, man, I got another one coming up. This time you're going to be like Joey Farmer, you know. So I was really dead. I was starting to work at it. And I said, maybe I can do this. If the mob, I had some confidence.

In jungle fever, he gave me time to prepare. And I really, like, I was really, like, in the zone when we were doing jungle fever. Even my brother goes, man, you were like an animal. We were doing this movie. And I was preparing, and we were rehearsing. We were writing all our shitting. We were improvising. Spike was, like, you know, really like, you know, I was starting to, like, really come into,

starting to feel it when I was doing jungle fever. Say after jungle fever, I felt like, you know what? I can do this. I love jungle fever. There's some good shit in it. There's some good shit, man. You guys tortured your brother. We did.

You know, you could have made a movie about that candy store, that neighborhood. That could even be a sick, that could even be a show today. Even my brother agrees, like a guy who's trapped in one of those neighborhoods. Because the mentality in those neighborhoods is so moronic and backwards. Those guys, you know, they're idiots. They're moronic. They don't know it. But, you know, Frankie Bots.

guy, that guy, you know. I came from that central. I came from the guy. He goes, you know, Polar Abdu? Who's Paula Abdu? She's got big tits? He goes, you know, he doesn't know. And I'm like, you know, and there was something about that whole part of the movie that I think we could have really, we could have done something today on cable about it. No one's ever done a show like that with a pizzeria and the kids are locked in the pizza.

They're stuck there and the father is, you know, I mean, whatever the world is. There's something about that, you know, all those other stories. stories were a little bit, it got a little muddled, but I do like the stuff that we did. I thought our stuff and the candy stuff really resonated. I mean, we felt like we were in a zone, man. We had like our own little movie. Like when I look at that movie, I look at that, because those scenes, and I go, that's like a different movie, you know, and the other stuff.

Sam Jackson was great. Of course, he did great with the whole crack thing and stuff like that. And we had Jungle Fear. All the Italian guys were chasing the black girls. It was great. I was so into being like Africa when I was doing that movie. I was wearing the 40 acres jackets and the rap parties

and the whole 40 acres in the mule it was great we used to watch dailies he used to go with Spike would let us watch dailies and I loved it I mean like one of the one kid watched himself and he got all self-conscious as Italian kid he was like

he was like he was doing something with his neck the next day I go what are doing? He said I don't know I don't like what I saw up there you're fine I go take it easy don't get so self-conscious you know some actors shouldn't watch themselves because they get freaked out

they look at themselves and they're so in their head. But we had a good time doing that, well, we really had a lot of fun. We worked hard. It's amazing when I watched the comedy store scene. I was very, when I first watched do the right thing, I had been in Colorado maybe six years.

I hadn't done prison yet. I hadn't been in prison yet. But I was missing New York. You don't know what it's like. You know, what I gave up, yeah, I was people looking for me, and I was like almost went to jail, almost got killed, but in my bones, I miss New York.

And I was taking a psychology class. I had to take a sociology class to get into the University of Colorado as a transfer. And the guys, that was his assignment, to watch do the right thing. And I'm like, I don't want to watch this shit. I don't want to watch this shit, you know. And I watched it the first time I watched do the right thing,

I must have watched it three times in a row. and crying. Tears. Tears of laughter and tears of... I've been there. I've been there. The stepping on your sneakers. You don't know how proud I was

when I got here years later and I got to meet Martin Lawrence and the guy who, you know, a tall guy. I met all those fucking Pete, you know. And I taught... The one guy used to be a ring, and I can't remember what his name is now. But it was...

Oh, and we did the movie with the guy from Boston. I did a movie with that fucking dude from... Who? The deer hunting. Hunter. Oh, Savage. Huh?

Savage? Yeah, Savage. John Savage. John Savage. He comes down on the stairs. Oh, yeah. He plays the Larry Bird Day. The Larry Bird Day.

It's fucking amazing. You know, so I did a movie with him, and I was in awe just because of that. I don't really, I'm not really from Boston. Right. And they'll go,

ah, they all, you know. Because I'm from Brooklyn. I'm from Brooklyn. Yeah. Just, just fucking, you know, we were talking about

sweet Dick Willie today at 10th Planet Van Nuys. Who calls themselves Sweet Dick Willie That was his fucking name Stereical This is something that Your tears are coming out your eyes

And you know When you're saying about a pizza play Listen let me be honest What you're right off the bat I don't know how to do stand-up What I'm doing right now I observe Cuban people Talking in my mother's bar

And I would laugh So when I went out I would try to emulate them And I would go My comedy career Start on the bus but it grew at Hashway's deli. My comedy career grew in a fucking deli

because it was the same six fucking characters that are lost, that don't know their next step, that think they're in the mafia because we thought we were fucking it that we got to spend $8 at the deli. I got you today. I got it. It's on me. A yu-who, I would go get a roast beef on Swiss

on rye with extra salt and pepper. I'm fucking hungry now. Heavy on the mayo. A bag of wise potato chips, onion garlic, pickles, a fucking coconut can. And you talk. And you did this for five fucking hours. And you argued about sports. Who you were going to fuck?

Right. What you were going to do with your life, how you guys, it just... You know how rich that is? You're just saying that. Like, just, you know, going... If you could relive that stuff, the simple shit, having the sandwich, you know, talking with your friends. Just all that stuff is gone. It's lost.

Lost. You know, you could be sitting on the street eating a hero today. You don't see that no more. I remember taking my nut out and chasing like a retarded guy down the block when I was like 13 and them losing it. Like my friend's losing it. Like that's fucking crazy. Like just being outside.

Because in that neighborhood, everybody's funny. Yeah. So you got a top. I got a top Nick. Nick just killed everybody. Fuck that. Yeah. I got a top Nick.

Yeah. You know? And that, that taught me timing. It taught me that if you said a bad joke, those eight, one of your friends. friends will look you and go, all right, we'll see you later. And they'd walk away from you. Like, what the fuck? You know, that scene in there for somebody who's never seen that

or been in that, and for everybody, it's something different. For somebody it could be a hardware store. But for me and guys like you that are from that area, it was a pizza place. Or we used to hang out of Nick's Pizza. Do you know what I used to do the Nick's Pizza? Nick's Pizza was a Greek. And he used to say, fuck you speak.

You know, he used to call everybody a spit. Yeah. A fucking Jew. I had a friend who had a beard he called him Maya Tole Kamani But I used to bring him A jewelry, I used to bring him hot jewelry And he would look at him, he'd go, speak, this is nice. How much?

55, Nick and a fucking sandwich. I give you 50. And then he'd give you 50, he made the sandwich, he put the thing in this apron, I'd come back three days later, I'd ask him to go to the bathroom, I'd rob it from him. Then I'd bring it back three days later, Nick.

Where'd you get this from? I mean, we'd talk. fermented Nick. I remember one day opening up Red Crush Pepper and throwing it out. I was banned for 30 fucking days. I remember bombarding with snowballs. How does this happen in a pizza place?

And then Nick would close like a... You'd be talking to Nick. And a friend would come and Nick, Nick, I have to talk to you. Nick, I have a horse in the forays. And they look at the clock and they fucking just shut the pizza plate. Like, fuck deliveries. Like, if you had a delivery that was... Fuck it.

Like, that's... You can't write that. I know. But Nick, you have deliveries, Nick. I don't care. Let them go eat Chinese. Fuck them. Everybody was a character. Even like we had a dying of three brothers, these Greeks, disco. I scored disco. Peter, Gus and George.

They used to kick us out of, we were little kids. We used to, you know, try to stay warm in there. I said, tell them two eggs, two eggs, two eggs, two eggs. You know, disco, disco, come on, get out, get out, get out. I used to pull my pants down and moon them. I said, fuck you, Greek. I'd moon them. I'd moon them. Everybody I didn't like, I dropped my pants.

I'd always moon everybody. And then eventually he would, he welcomed me in. Even if I pulled my pants down, he'd say, come on, come on, come on. You want to come in? That's how these guys were, you know. I mean, it's a different world today, Joe. You can't, it's just, the little things are gone. The little things, just sitting on the corner, you know, having a slice of pizza, talking of people.

It's gone, you know what I mean? Even when I sit around and have a meal with people now, people go, oh, wow, this is great. No one does this. No one sits around. No one talks. No one eats. Everybody's sitting there, ten people. and they're all looking at their phone.

They're all on the phone. Nobody's talking to it. You're right here. I mean, my daughter would tell him was in the back seat talking to somebody. I go, are they talking? They go, yeah, they're texting. They're right next to each other.

You got a fucking text? I don't understand. Have a conversation. You know what I mean? Just talk to me. Even this guy today, I was trying to get him on the phone. He's texting me. I can't talk.

What do you mean you can't talk? You're just fucking texting me. You can't talk, but you can send me a message? You're torturing me. I said, you know, just pick up the phone and give me the decency to say, get on the phone and talk to me like a person. You know, I hate that shit.

I mean, I do it too, but then nobody understands me the text. Oh, oh, I meant this. Oh, no, I didn't mean that. That's why I don't want to. Oh, it's terrible. Just get on the phone and have a conversation. I don't give a fuck if there's noise. No.

Just say call me back, but get on the fucking phone. Yeah, right, right. I can't talk. Call me back. I'll call you. Explain it to me. I'm in the trenches right now. Don't give me that bullshit.

You call somebody and they text you back to tell you, can't talk but you just you just took three minutes to dial those numbers you dumb fuck right call me back I can't deal with it either no no it's it's I miss it I'm heartbroken over it because that even in Boulder and Boulder it was a place the deli zone there were four kids from Westchester the kids with fistfight during the lunch hour they knew each other since they were five and at lunch hour one day I walked into the cops or that had two of the owners handcuffed and hysterical but more people went that deli after that fucking fist fight

because they would grocery at each other every day four Italian kids one kid was from Serbia one of those fucking not Serbia but he spoke Croatian because he was from yeah he was from up 914 whatever that is up there they had money but after they got into a fist fight in

Boulder there were lines they got so busy after the fist fight word got out that they opened the three other locations and it was a place where just East Coast people would go because East Coast like when I go to Tempe there's a place there where you walk in on Saturday morning it's everybody from Boston all the way down to fucking DC half of them are Jews they're eating bagels I've called you from

there they all eat bagels they all talk they all tell stories they're where you from I got a cousin from Jersey I'm from Jersey City every time I walk in there every time I walk in there they know to go there on Saturdays and they try to keep that little thing alive I like it I like it to an extent I miss it You know, here you go to that fucking coffee shop We go and there's that little click. I don't want to hang out with those fucking momos Talking about fake scripts and fucking places

They're going to dream to go. That's not what we talk about. It's like you said, it's this It's like a retardation. Because I was retarded too. I remember sitting there and you talk about your dreams and how you're going to fuck this one And when you tell a story about fucking a chick

They all question you. You didn't fuck her. You suck the tit. You didn't fuck it. And then you got to explain yourself what happened. The details were restaurant you went to what her pussy smelled like it was fucking crazy and your kids and funny it's funny my

friend Harry I remember tell me years ago he's that chicks and he'd say you know my friend Harry did you get her I go would you take a clothes off I said yeah I had a nude yeah but you fuck her I said no what do you mean you in there you had a fucking naked what'd you do I said take my time Harry I'll just put it in I walk around I you know I watch the merchandise I I work my way up to which I would have went right in. I would have went right in. I said, that's you, man. I don't go right in. I got to take my time. I don't appreciate the beauty. Eventually I'll go in. You know, but it's just funny, that kind of shit, you know, I mean, the conversations you'd have, you know, with your friends and just,

you know, I just missed that. I was like in my brother's neighborhood recently. I was sitting on a bench someone and go, sit down with me. I like his neighborhood. You know, it's kind of a bohemian park slope, but I know everybody in the neighborhood. My brother goes, you know everybody. Everybody likes you. I said, yeah, I talk to people. I'm not. I'm not. I'm I'm not like you. Can't talk to him. It's so fucking serious. The guy in the phone store likes you, the guy in the pizzeria.

I was trying to get some food one night at the pizzeria. And he goes, where are you? I'm looking for you. He's across the street waiting for me. You know what? We're having dinner at 6.59. At 6.50, where are you? I'm going to the bedroom.

Meanwhile, the guys were making me some egg plant. I go, I got to get egg. He goes, he's across the street. He looks like he's your father waiting for you. I go, I know I got to leave now. I'll pick, I'll get the food tomorrow. So I'm running out of the store. He goes, where were you?

Where were you? I was in the pizza. I got a bathroom. The guy chases me down the street with some make plane. He goes, yeah, Nick, you forgot this. He goes, what's that? What is that? I said, no, they gave me some food.

We're having dinner. I said, I know we're having dinner. I'll eat it tomorrow. I can't tell them because, you know, I'll bring food home and I put it in the fridge. Who brought that pizza home? I know you eat a lot of pizza, man. He always eating pizza. I love pizza.

I can't get enough. I can't get enough. I can't get enough. That's another thing I destroys me. I just had to give up. What, pizza? Yeah. I mean, I can't eat it all the time.

I could. I mean, I could. One slice a day would complete your day. Yes. But it's got to be a quick slice. I never get tired of it. I got to drive to the Sherman Oaks Gallery, park the fucking car, walk in, go downstairs.

The chick's having a conversation with the Chinese guy explaining what a fucking stromboli is. I don't have time for this. It's a fucking slice. The China guy don't know what a fucking stromboli is. He don't need to know, all right? He don't need to fucking know. He wants to know what kind of sausages

Organic doesn't fucking matter You fucking Gentile cock sucker I know While I'm hungry I just want a fucking slice Excuse me Draw me a little cheese Anybody knows

Like if you walk into one of those neighborhood things It's a slice It's three fucking minutes That's why you walk in there It's not limit like this place in Hollywood I gotta give you chick the order She takes my money And then she puts a tab up

Johnny fucking Rico comes over If it throws it in a fucking thing, then he gives it to Johnny Suave, and he brings it to you. Three fucking sets of hand for my slice. It's one set of hand. I don't even care if you touch money with it. I don't give a fuck if you took that hand on my...

Those pieces have been out there all day. Like at those places, like the slice places? On the East Coast? Yeah, but the slices move. They move. They move. If they're sitting there, I don't... No, you know when you walk on a thing

if a slice got cancer. You know when you look at that it's fucking... Let me tell you some. Those petrified slices... is it you throw in the next morning? That's the whole patois, the thing that we don't, it settles, it congulates, whatever the fuck the word is. It's not that

bad, especially if you crispy it up and do it in the oven. Yeah. Don't put it in the microwave. There's two places for me to eat pizza here. That fucking joining, the Sherman Oaks Galleria, Joe's, whatever, it's not bad in there. And all, I got to go to fucking Hollywood to the one place I used to go to,

and it's the four people touch my pizza. Four fucking people to get a slice of pizza. I'm sitting there sometimes, 10 minutes. A slice means rapi, though. That's why I went in there, which means if I'm having a conversation with Nick about the organic fucking mushrooms that I ordered, you know, because

some people come in and ask you stupid fucking questions, you know, what kind of mushrooms do you have? Are they organically grown? Are they from a farm nearby? Does it fucking matter? Does it really fucking matter? Just eat the fucking thing, all right? But if Lee comes in, I know Lee comes in for a slice every day, while I'm

having the conversation with fucko, I turn around and throw a cheese. slice and fillee. I take a cup, I fill it up, I put it there for Lee and I charge them later. It don't matter. That's the mentality. No, I got a wait in line because you're having a conversation with fucko here. Fico wants

to have the conversation. Excuse yourself and go, what do you want? Cheese sliced, right? Boom. Pineapple, boom. That's it. You're out of that. But this is what, you know, this is why I don't eat pizza no more. Somebody asked me to that. That's why when you're in New York, you could go to Queens. You go to Brooklyn. Go to Manhattan.

Do they still have pies up there? Of course they have pies. But is it fucking. You still can get a slice. You know, I'm the type of motherfucker. I won't get sushi at a Chinese restaurant. You got to pick a flag with me. I get offended.

Okay? So if I come into your pizza place, are you Italian? Are you from another fucking chapter? I had some pizza in Nashville made by two black guys in Buffalo. Probably the best pizza I had last year. Well, if you know what you're doing, you know what you're doing? You know what I mean? I mean, if you get trained the right way and you use the right and green,

like the other day, I made eggplant, Parmesan at home. And, well, I had my wife make it, but she made it a week before with some bullshit cheese. I said, that don't look like eggplant. I don't know what that was, but you didn't get me the right shit. I'll get you the right shit this week. And I did, and it came out beautiful. Great eggplant.

I said, now that's eggplant parmesan. We laid it. We put the sauce, put the mozzarella. We put the Romano. I said, nah, I was proud it came out really good. Because there's a knack to make an eggplant parmesan. You got to make it like a lasagna. You make the lasagna the right way?

It's great. You make a slice of pizza the right way. You make the sauce the right way. A meatball, there's an art to making a good meatball. You know, you got to put the lamb. You got to put the veal. You got to put the chop meat. You know what I mean?

You make the... And you blend it together? Right. Or you put them all. You put it together. You put it together. And a little egg and a little... And then you fry it up, you know?

How hungry are you right now, Lee? You can eat your fucking finger. If I had pasta sauce right now, spaghetti sauce, you'd probably... Yeah. You'd probably... dip your finger in the fucking thing. Probably. Oh shit, it's Monday, Cox. I got a little something for the spirits.

A little Tony Bennett, I want to be around. Here you go. I want to be around. Oh, shit. To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Are you fucking kidding me or what?

Get up. Watch that muffler. Do something with your life. Ah, that's music. As I. My God It's as good as it gets, brother A couple fucking cocktails

A number right now That's how a little store A nice pizza bar pie With a hyniquin on tap Lee, what would you do for something like that? A little hyniquin on tap right now With a bar pie Yeah, that'd be good

You'd be all red in the face And fucking sweating I'm doing that That fucking, he brought an edible today That was a devil's head And he said it was only like 32 milligrams It was 200 or something 200. I would not do that to you.

Oh, my gosh. My fucking gumbalich. Why would I give you another bullet trying to kill you? Where do you go in New York when you want a slice or you want a pie? Where's your places now? I don't. You don't go to Manhattan? There's one place in Jersey, Roma pizza that's in the neighborhood.

And I sent somebody there. I go, go in there and see how it is. And he called me back and he goes, it was fucking tremendous. I never even knew. I go, they've been there for 50 years. Well, it's like you go to Harlem, the original Patsies. For $10, you still get a pie up there in Harlem at the original Patsy. Good?

Yeah, still good. And on the east side is a place called Lutsos. Very nice. 13th Street and like First Avenue. Fantastic. Unbelievable. I mean, you can't, you eat this brick oven pizza. You're like one after another.

Where's Patsy's at? Patsies is up on 117th. And like, it's around first. It's on the way to Yankee Stadium. It's the original Patsies, the original oven. They have other Patsy Grimaud. They had like a whole, you know, controversy. They split up.

I don't know. But that's the original. where Sinatra went. I go up there. I go up there. I'll go anywhere for good pizza. You know what I mean? Lus is good too,

but you should go to the original pizza. I've lost faith in pizza sometimes. I don't lose faith. They're still good places, even though New York has become more commercial. But you go to the burrows, too. You can find great pizzerias and Queens and... When I go to Jersey, I focus on the Chinese

because I can't get that out of it. I got a nice egg roll. What do you like? The egg rolls? Chance Dragon, I'm, baby. Good wonton soup. Tremendous. Yeah.

I got the pictures. You do? You judge it. You tell me what the fuck you think. I got some pictures. You like duck? No, Peking duck.

No, no, no, no, no. That's great. Look at this. Look at this. Look at this fucking egg growing. Look at that. With the metals still.

Look at those girls. Oh, that looks good. Look at the metal. It's the metal. Yeah. It's family photos of the egg girls. Yeah. And the pork fried rice.

Look at the fucking metal. Look at the pork fried. And that's great. That's world class. Look at that pork fried rice. We used to make the orders. Get the wanton soup. that scene from Raging Bull there

I think they're eating Chinese and ever watch that scene where he's talking about you know, why don't you fall on the floor? Look at this, look at all this shit this is a strawberry shortcake from a Greek diner my wife always tries to make

strawberry shorthy and I go stop it. You know, they don't got a good bakery here like my friend, my friend Nicky. I gotta tell us stop it. Don't do those no more. You ever have a lobster tail? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, it's an Italian pastry, a lobster tail. Stop. It's unbelievable. No, you're not going to get it. My friend Nigel from Moberg. Street makes it. Boliche, Cuban style with the chorizo in the middle. Not too good. Not as good as I'm going to get Thursday

in Miami at Porta Saga. That's where you sent me. Kalamara right there from Rudy's. Since I was 17. Is that good Kalamah? Oh my God. You know, I had some good Kalamah. Vegas. I look at the muscles. I don't eat muscles. I like baked clams. I like baked clams. I don't like

this clams or, you know, oregano whatever. I get everything. I get a dozen oreganoados. I get a dozen fucking stuffed ones. How about clams on their Clams on the half shell. With a little moniana. Oh, you got to get that. Got a ma, right?

You got to keep that fucking test. He used to go well when I was a kid's sheep's head bay. Randazzo's and sheep's head bay. Clams on the half shell by a dozen. Oh my God. A nice cold fucking beer. With a cold beer on tap. Cold, cold, cold.

Like a motherfucker. It's good for the mulch too. You know what I mean? You eat 55 clams. You jerk off. You're like Elmer's glue comes out of your dick. Cornie Island is a place of Cornie. County Island, Tartonis, and they only make so many pies a day, and then they shut down.

I heard about this place in Coney Island. They only, like, they're only going to stay. Stop making pizza at a certain time. It must be pretty amazing. I'm always looking for something, a good Sicilian, a good, you know, a good grandma. Nick used to keep the Sicilian by the window, so the middle slice of us had like a little fly because they used to as a launch bag. Nick the Greek. Nick the Greek.

I like that guy. I love Nick. I always still... That's what we need here out here. We need somebody you can walk on the street just get up like, you know,

right there, get a slice right on the street. Look, how sad is it that? Right now. Right now, you and I have nowhere to go eat. It's terrible. It's 10 o'clock at night.

I know. There is nowhere to us to go right now. We go to Ruth Chris and get a steak. What's in Burbank? Oh, Morton's. They'll stay open for 11. That's not bad.

Or you could go where Dantanan's or somewhere. Into Hollywood? Yeah. And I got to sit in a little fucking table like a fucking go-go-goots. I know. Every time I go to Dan Tanna, and I go to Ralphie Mae, 500-pound

Ralphie, we send a little fucking table. It's too small. It's too fucking small. I know. But the spaghetti's nice in that. The salad's nice, nice little steak with spaghetti. Not bad. But you need place to go to. You need a place when you're hungry. You know what I mean? You got to have this place is just, they don't, they just don't have it.

They don't, you know, that's why you've got to make your own food. That's why you got to, you know, go to your Go to the right stores, go to the Italian delis, get the right stuff. These guys found the deli up in the valley. You go to where. There's a couple of good ones. Which one is one. There's one by my house, Domingos, which ain't bad.

That's where they go. You make a good sandwich. You get the good mozzarella in the water and the prosciutto de Palma, the Suprasad. Steve, Simone brought me up there and got me roast beef with the hot peppers. Nice. Oh, my God. Mottadal. I like the chintel.

You know what Montadella's good with? What? Cuban crackers. Oh, yeah. Oh. My son's into Cuba. Sandwiches now. Ever since he saw that movie,

his chef, now he wants a Cuban sandwich. It was a good movie. I actually really liked it. Wait, did you go? Where did we go from Cuba? Well, we go to Versaise, you know. Porto's got a good Cuban sand. Portos makes a decent one.

I'm telling you, I'm going to fuck it. I'm going to fuck you. But you got to go to Miami to get a good Cuban, a real Cuban. Remember you went to them? Last night, listen, so my cousin called me on. You sent me to Saturday. And he called me up.

My cousin's in the Cuban national band, Eki Alfonso. So he called me on Saturday. He goes, your uncle says, Our uncle says you're coming down. I go, yeah, but Wednesday, why don't you wait for me? Because I can't. I just came here and takes care of business.

And yesterday, he tweets me a picture of him with Gloria Stephan. So he was in Miami with her because he's pretty badass. But I remember Nick calling me going, I went to Gloria's. I dropped 200. I go, you wasted your time. Go to Porta Sago on 13th Street down by the fucking beach. You eat for 50 fucking bucks. I know.

50 bucks. I've never seen that. Was that soup I have as good? What's it? Cuban chicken soup. Yeah. Cuban chicken soup, potatoes. the feed ale

right the noodles with the pieces of chicken oh my Jesus Christ and they give you the bread to dip in the fried bananas I don't know what was your main course over there I don't remember but it was good I told that dog I've been going to that place it's 1990 fucking eight

and I mean I would go That's my kind of place I would go for two weeks and go there out of 14 days I'd go there 10 10 days sure and fuck them up just fuck them up I didn't care about calories or weight I would do the Cuban sodas the dessert, the coffee with sugar.

Fuck it. Fuck it. I got no time for this shit. This is what I grew up on. This is my heart, man. It's like home food. You know, you don't find places like that. 24 hours. 24 7. 24 hours. 24 hours. You go to Caillaccio to la Carrotta and get 24-hour

fucking Cuban food. At 4 in the morning I could be eating Cuban sandwiches with a side order of Langote and Chila is it, which is lobster with fucking this red sauce with white rice and fried bananas and you push the white rice. We should do one show just with food right here. You push the fucking

the rice and beans on the fork with the fried banana. Nobody does that kind of shit no more. That's heavy duty Lisa. Look at you. What are you going to eat when you get on? I don't have any. I only have like 400 calories left. I know you got a big bag am andams at the house. Peanut. You're going to fuck those up. I'm going to try not too. I hit them. You got to rub them

on your face. You're going to put a little peanut in your cullo and shit. I love peanut emmanums. I know you do. You have like family photos. of your favorite dishes. But I'm not going to eat it to me. Right next to the pictures of mercy.

What are you doing? It's that important. It's that important for me to show those pictures of somebody. To know, now when I go to a Chinese restaurant, I call them right up, come in for a second. You got this here?

You don't have this. Let me know right now. Yes, I do. That's why I stop going. That's why I bring those pictures. I walk into a place and go, this is what I've been used to eating. What are you got?

I've been eating with fucking savages. What have you got here? This is where I've been eating. What the, What the fuck do you have? It's hard to find a good Chinese joint. I should buy the bread. Get the fuck out of my face.

Has anybody said yes? And then they brought over the wrong thing. You got her back over? My wife, when we took the kid to the baby to some place. She went there with the toddler group she's involved with. That's a great little time. You're going there and you walk in. There's a kitchen.

There's an ambulance room. There's a supermarket. Just for kids. And you sit there. It's a controlled environment. They got cameras and your kid plays. me and Terry sat the table and Mercy Fet us

and stuck the carrots in my face So afterward I had to come here to do the podcast So we didn't have that much time So it was an Italian place Two doors down Marines or something Went in there

And the guy goes Oh I went to see you guys At the ice house So we spoke a little bit And he sat us And I got the You know me though I go right for the

For the easy I go for the spaghetti And half meatball I went for the half water Spaghetti and one meatball I got an order Colomar Mar which was

It wasn't bad. I asked him first, because if it comes with cocktail sauce, you get up and you leave. There's no reason to stay there. Once they tell you it comes with cocktail sauce, you know what? My wife just came down with a bowler. We got to go. What's wrong with cocktail sauce? That's it right there.

Cocktail sauce is for, when we went to Arneemortons for shrimp. Okay. And to dip the horseradish mixture in there. Okay. That's what you do. Not for fucking squid. Not for collar. I'm not even, you're not even in the fucking neighbor.

The only person who dips his fucking calamar and fucking cocktail sauce is a guy by the name Henry from Iowa who don't fucking know better at the bowling alley by his house, but tonight he'll be shit in blood for 16 fucking hours for doing that. What do you use? Tomato sauce, pasta sauce, spicy to the fucking gills. At Rudy's, it's medium, hot or sweet. You get the mix. You get the medium and the sweet put together.

Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. Do you look the tentacles or just the rings? I eat everything, the tentacles, the rings. What the fuck? What kind of fucking half a fruit are you? You got to eat the tentacles, the rings. You open up with the fucking chowder.

Sure. You got a hynick and on tap. They've had a hynigan on tap there for fucking 30. I don't think they have it anymore. I'm lying to you. I don't think they have the hynigan on tap anymore. I grew up in there walking. I used to walk there as a kid.

No car. 15 and a half. Rudy? From North Bergen. Two or three miles. Walking there in the winter. We are Monday night football. walk in sit at the bar and just take a chance.

A guy would come over, can I help you? Let me get a bowl of soup, water, call him on. What are you drinking? I don't know, let me get a white wine. Let me get a white wine spritz. The guy would look at me and give me a white wine fucking spritzer. After you get the white wine spritzer, you might as well open up the valve. You know what?

Let me get an eye and get on tap. Let me get a shot at tequila. That's like you own the fucking. You know, Groom of 20, bam. That's it. Me, we used to walk up there. Me and Gerard. Bazaaco when we were kids

in the winter on a Monday night fuck it fuck you think you do it at the bar and sit there and dip the fucking bread because then they put the bread at the bottom of the calamar so the colomaro juice would dip on the bread and you picked up the bread and dipped it in the fucking thing are you fucking kidding me or what I grew up

in the epicenter of food I was a very I was very fortunate I grew up in New York City before it went corporate right I grew up in New York City when you go to 40 seconds if we can get a fucking gyro. That was tremendous. Yeah.

The juice that the Iromedes. The juice would drip with the fucking Sovaki fucking juice. Oh, I know what you're talking about right on the street. Right on the fucking street. Are you fucking kidding me? Shit was great.

I used to go to a diner at the private room. We used to go down. Listen, when I was a kid, I used to go out just before the end of the night. The end of the night because I knew exactly where they go. On Wednesday nights we'd go to the Berkshire diner, you always got a strand of hair in your soup.

The cream of turkey soup Big piece of fucking hair Like King Asabi made it Some guy would just came back from a concert Going like this and shit And you ate that soup with pride How about a nice potato canis on the street Oh my God

And a couple of subrettes Oh my God Right oh fuck I asked this guy by my house Bernie They got canishas But they don't know how to make it He goes well they don't understand Yeah it's soggy like fucking soup Yeah I said it's supposed to be

Look like this I still buy him because I'm Jones and for canisians. You go home and redop them. You can dump them up at the house. I do. You can fry them up nice at the house and some fucking mustard.

Oh, shit. I get a nice cream showered on a couple of subrettes. Oh, mustard and sourcrow. None of that ketchup shit. I tell my kids, ketchup is for a hamburger, not for the fucking hot dog. Don't get me stuck.

I hate that. I don't like. Oh, I put ketchup. I said, well, then you put ketchup on yours. Go somewhere else. Right. Get away from me. Put the fuck out of my side.

I want mustard and I want sourcrow. Hot dogs. That's a fucking ketchup. Fucking ketchup. Right. Cosmopolitan. Real Mammaloupe. That guy.

Let me tell you something, man. I used to go to the Birkshire down at the Open Steak Sandwich. They used to give you steak fries, not these little eight-front steak fries. AIDS fries. Then they give you white bread toasted, light toast, a little bit of butter. Love white bread. And they put the fucking steak on top of the French fries and the bread. So the gravy from the steak.

The grease, right? Are you fucking getting in there? Are you fucking kidding me? Let me tell you something. My mother used to make it. egg peppers and eggs sandwich i heard pap cooper

talk about this i ate one of these peppers and eggs on like white bread and the oil and everything would go right through one of the greatest sandwiches you ever ate in your life was like it was like eating something you know i don't even want to say it was just like unbelievable you never had a sandwich like this pet i remember you put it in the aluminum foil take it out it was like eaten gold no one could ever make a sandwich like peppers and eggs

unbelievable to oil and everything. I mean, even today I still... You like it on white bread or on a hard row? They go on white bread. It was unbelievable. Sometimes I get a yen for that. Peanut butter and jelly. I go on and buy some wonder bread.

I'm like, it's still good, man. Peanut butter and jelly on no freaking wonder bread. Still, you cut that motherfucking house. You're flat. They're good because you've got to cut peanut butter and jelly in half. Yeah, you go on a plane with peppers and eggs. Everybody's looking at you. I even brought pizza pies from my neighborhood one time.

There's J and that square. air pizza. Everybody was like, wow, that looks I said, yeah, this you can heat up too. When I go to Miami on Sunday right at the airport, I stop right there and I go, let me get 10 Cuban sandwiches, don't cook them. Really?

And you take them home. And you take them on the plane uncooked, you put them right over your fucking bin. Right. Like a doctor and shit. Yep. Those are like 8 million points, aren't there? 20, it's 13 points for a half.

So that's got to be 13 times 60. So they got to go 1,200 calories for a Cuban sandwich. Oh, my God. With the cheese, pork ham, Swiss cheese, melted, butter on the bread, butter on top of the fucking bread. There's more butter than anything. I've got to ask you something. Yeah.

What did you think of this whole Tracy Morganton? Did you ever reach out? Did you try to reach out? I actually thought about it. And then I just heard that there was, you know, so much. you know so many people praying for him and this and that and I never

I never really formally reached out but I was you know really praying for him and hoping that he was going to was going to pull through and how is he doing how do you know how you just get a little is there any way I can you can get to him I mean

you know I heard just conflicting reports you know I don't believe what I read I read conflicting reports but I'm just hearing he's having a hard time you know I have a hard time You know, I have a manager that's friends with him, you know. Is there, do you know, can you, can you get word to him or?

No, I didn't even want to ask because I just felt weird. I bumped into him a couple times and he's always been very cool to me. I like him a lot. I was a great experience. I like him a lot. Yeah. When I went to Santa Fe last year, do comedy, I had them drive me by the hotel and by the field. And, you know, it was weird because the kid that picked this up at the airport and whatnot in Santa Fe,

In Santa Fe, he'd only been in Santa Fe six years. But he goes, out of all the movies, they shoot here, and they shoot Breaking Bad. They still talk about the longest yard. Like, you guys were having parties downtown, and Sandler walking around town, and tipping people big, and they still talk about that. And it's really weird that, you know, things happen in Hollywood.

You know, you come here and you, but that's always been a good experience for me. However you want to chop it. I know we had a great time. It was a good experience. It was a great experience for me. It was really, you know, something that, you know, it stays with me. And I would never forget it. I mean, to this day, it's one of my, you know, it's one of my favorites.

It stands up there. It was just, I don't know, the whole atmosphere, the whole experience, so many people. I loved it. I really did. I really, I mean, you know, I wish, you know, I wish we could have done, you know, like another one. But it was, it wasn't meant to be. I mean, because I guess it was an original movie that they remade. But it was the first time, you know, working with all comedians and athletes and all these people.

It was really a wonderful. I was so, I remember when I first heard about it, I saw a poster for it in the movie theater. Before it was even cast. It was a football. Yes. Like a black and white. And I said, I got to get in on this movie. Yeah, it was fucking weird.

You know. They let you know it was coming. And I'm like, what the fuck? It was a great poster with a football. Great poster, better than the poster they came up with. Black and white, and it was like a dirty hand, grabbing a ball, but a clean hand, the cross. Something fucking just crazy. Excuse me, I remember them calling.

A little fucking burp, what are you going to do? How did you get the audition? Do you remember how you got it? No, I didn't get an audition. Oh, you didn't? No, they told me that they were looking for star names. They were looking at Tony Serragusa, Vincent Packer. store and somebody I heard so many things and then years later I met so many different people

who had different conflicting stories somebody see a stand-up that Adam know you no Chris knew me but the funny thing was like Dean Kane went in for that and Dean told me how they treated him Dean Kane Dean Kane went in for the part of the quarterback of the quarterback of the other team like Dean wanted like Dean knew Adam Dean knew like 50 people in that movie that had spoken to him, Dean went down there. Right. And Dean was walking and going, like, I got this.

I played football. Right. And he goes, it broke my honor. Like, nobody fucking called. Like, it was just amazing. Because when I got the call, Snoop Dog was in the fucking movie. When I first got the call,

Snoop Dog was in the fucking movie. Snoop was in the movie? Snoop was originally in the movie. As who? Nellie's role. They wanted a rapper. Oh, okay. They wanted a rap.

Oh, Snoop was playing Michael Irvin. roll. Something crazy. Something crazy. Nellie was good in the movie. I got a breakdown sent to me. I looked at it. I said it's me. The manager agreed. The phone started ringing from every angle. Every manager

assistant in town that I knew said there's a movie coming out with Adam Sam. They're looking for you. And finally we got a hold of something and they go, we're looking for a star. We're looking for Vincent Pestore or Tom Serrago. They're looking for a name. A name. And I said,

fucking I was in Houston. At the time I was all fucked up and whatnot I'm sitting and I'm going, you know what I'm just going to make a fucking... You made a tape? A tape. And I watched the original and I picked who Tony was and I said some shit. His name was Chuck Savage. That taped me.

And we went to the University of Houston and we threw a ball around and I had this tight shirt on and you can see my stomach and all this shit. And then I got to read. And they finally called me and they read me. Who read your piece? Pete Segal? Pete Segal. Yeah, that's who I read for.

And then it was the weirdest thing. They called on like a Tuesday. It was the 4th of July weekend. And that Monday night I knew it. Spider-Man 2 had come out. Something had come out. Did they hire for the whole picture? No.

I mean like were you hired for the... No. How was your deal? The first deal I got, they called on a Tuesday and said they were working on a deal. And I guess at first they were going to kill me at the jail. Like something was going to happen to me at the jail. was going to happen to me at the jail. I got out or something. And then they gave me a contract, I think, for four weeks.

And then after the scene with the belly, when I got back to my room, there was a contract, knew money, knew everything. It was like stealing. I got that scene when I walked back, that was it. But the time I got back, because I stopped somewhere, by the time I got to my room, there was an envelope on the thing. And it was like a whole new deal, 16 weeks. Oh, really? When you were filming? Yeah, when I was filming. The money went up, everything went up. Everything changed.

Oh, that's great. I think once I was on my back, breathing and all that shit, they said, keep them. Yeah, that was it. When you were on your back? Yeah, it was after that day. Was this before we did the scene we did? I think that was the first scene I did in the movie. Tri-out.

Tri-outs. That was the first scene we did. Yeah. That was a Tuesday morning. That was a great scene. But I just remember, I remember Tracy Morgan being nervous. Like, I remember Tracy was in the scene. We were all.

on the fucking scene. Like, everybody's in the fucking scene. This is it. This is the first scene in the movie. Usually they start off light. Like, you have a scene when we're on across the street just to get used to people.

No, no, no, no. They weren't, like, I was there maybe two weeks before I shot. I was there a week before I shot. I got there on a, like, a Tuesday or Wednesday. Stayed the weekend. But did you have to do any,

I was supposed to do some training stuff, but then my mom had a heart attacks. I had a lead. Right. I remember we went to the van together. Yeah. Me, you and Bernardi, we're in the van. And they were great.

They were like, you know. Go take care of that. Yeah, I remember that. I was lonely after that. I didn't have a friend. Once you left in the beginning, I was alone. I didn't have a friend. And Lobo came.

Yeah. Because Lobo showed up later. Lobo didn't come from the beginning. Lobo showed the leap. I flew down. It was me, the leap, Bob Sapp, and somebody else. There was a four-man flight from Van Nuys Airport. Wow.

They picked us up at the table read, and they go, You didn't go from the table read? No. Right, right, right. You waited about three or four days. I went from the table read right down there. I went down there with a half a pack of cigarettes and $10 and a joint. And when I got to the hotel, they gave it per diem.

I thought I was going to jump out the fucking window. It was great, right? When I got to the hotel right there, they were checking people and they gave you an envelope. They gave you an envelope. Not like today. They want to put it on the check. It's terrible. Oh, my God.

They gave you a big, thick envelope. And I had keys in there, and I kept going, why don't I have keys? Is this something else? I looked at it was keys to a fucking car. Yeah, we had a car. That's right. I didn't have a California license. We had keys.

We had cash. They never even asked me to see my California license. Nothing. They just assumed we had one. Do you understand me, Lee? Do you understand what it is to get to a hotel room with six bucks, half a pack of cigarettes, and you're like, I'm going to have to borrow money. And all of a sudden, you sign in, no.

credit card I had no credit card I signed them with an ATM card with like $6 on it and the envelope was it was good good I remember 800 my own yeah I went upstairs I went right down I gave the guy 300 at the wind and it was Santa Fe but it was an Indian hotel mm-hmm there was a dude who played the flute they just paid them to play the flute they must have given them a yardstick on night there was a little bar it had I don't know one I were eating dinner and Michael Lerman walked in with no shirt on into the restaurant you remember what we used to eat there Buffalo burgers?

I didn't eat that shit. Oh, you didn't eat the buffalo? You guys liked that. No, I don't eat that shit. Oh, man. You guys liked that's when I fell in love with Buffalo burgers. No, I wouldn't eat that shit.

Oh, that's good. These fucking guys were eating Buffalo. Are you kidding? What everybody was eating was the kid's portion of macaroni and cheese. You had to see this late. It wasn't under the kids' menu, macaroni and cheese.

It was fucking delicious. It was four cheese macaroni and cheese but it was huge. Was it like the crumbs on top or something? It had every, not that shit from a box. Not that from a box. I know you're disappointed. You like that shit from a fucking box.

I'm a sucker. Let me give us some of your yellow. Shoutouts right here. I want to give a shoutout to the Montana natives. You fucking Indians, I love you, cock sucker. Billy Jones in South Carolina. Christopher Newling, Good day. Thank you for this shirt, my buddy.

My daughter looked beautiful. Henry R. Michelle Hurley, Bob Crook, Get Well, Cocksucker, and Sam Collin, he's the one who said get well and all that shit. You know what I'm saying? What the fuck? Baltimore was great, by the way. Went to Baltimore last weekend.

When? Last weekend. Oh, yeah? Last three weeks, I was in Denver, Baltimore. They got some good Italian joints down there that stay open late. Baltimore is a grand little city, man. Good little fucking food. It's coming up.

Dumb Crab Cays. A lot of black people. Is that right? Oh, a lot of brothers. It's a nice ballpark. Nice ballpark. nice a nice base I didn't see the baseball I saw the football field different

yeah the ballpark is beautiful they put a new casino but I went to the ballpark years ago you went to canton yards yeah years ago 12 years ago I stopped in to do comedy somebody had a fucking ticket yeah yeah that was weird like they they had all the players saying like Baltimore's the best place to play I went there eight years ago

and they were giving tickets away with like subway sandwiches it was a cool stadium but no one was there yeah because they ran the franchise down but now they're coming back I mean, in the 70s, they were fantastic. With Earl Weaver and all those guys, that was a great franchise. Yeah. I know what attendance goes down, but it seems like the Yankees and the Red Sox and those teams, even when the team's bad, there's people in the stadium.

But when there's no one in Orioles and the two-second year, they're good, everyone has all the new shirts and stuff. It seems kind of weird. Yeah, but unless you like the Cubs and it's Wrigley Field, they'd be show up for the Cubs if they suck because it's Wrigley. Yeah. But they weren't showing up, I think, that much. Now they're back.

Buckshaw Walter. They got a good organization now. Yeah. They're coming back. The Oreo Way. Little Earl Weaver smoking cigarettes. Jim Palmer, Mike Quayor. Pat Thompson. Yeah. Let me ask you something. Nick. One thing that you are just tremendous is, is baseball. I mean, you just I have friends, George Kaladinsky. I have friends with a huge Yankee fans that you call them and they're upset when the Yankees lose or they got to call you back because there's a man

on third. You're completely different. You're completely different. It changes you. Yeah. You suffer through it. I mean, I've never been a fan of anything that much. I mean, I'm not mad at you. I love you to death. It was the first time I found out you were a fan.

I thought you were beating your wife in the hotel room because they were yelling and screaming. And I go, down, and you were all alone. Your kids hadn't even been down there. And I go, who are you yelling on? You're like, this fucking TV, these fucking... They just struck out. Jeter sucks dick And I was just blown away. And then you express yourself,

you're one of the few that did call Kansas City. In the beginning, three weeks ago, this guy's like, look, keep on your eye on Kansas City, the pitching. And I'm like, what the fuck's he talking? So I sat there and I watched a five-hour wild card game. And they not only came back once, they came back twice.

They were down 7-3. It looked like they were left for dead. And then all of a sudden, they got the 7-6. And then in the ninth inning, they tied it, 7-7. Then the A's one-a-half. head in the 11th or the 12th. And I like the A's. I'm kind of a closet A's fan.

It's one of my West Coast teams. And then they came back with one out in the 12th, down 8-7. Hosma hits a triple off the wall. I said, holy shit. They're going to do it. They're going to win this thing. And they tied at 8-8 and they won it 9-8. And I said, holy shit.

Sometimes you just see the momentum happen. You see the tide turn. Now I'm not a gambler Last year I won a contest at MLB.com for 10 grand But I was thinking I should just listen to what I'm feeling They paid me? Cash?

Yeah This is your check? Is it me a check? All right, they took taxes? No. All right. Yeah. But I was last, right before the Angel series

I said I got to put a bet in for this team. They might go all the way. They might, there's something going on. Something happened. I start with the Red Sox series when they, the Yankees, when they lost four straight, against the Red and 04.

And I don't know when it happened. After game five, I knew I said, they're going to get beat. I couldn't bet against the Yankees. I knew they're going to get beat in the seventh game. Now they came back going four straight. But I had the heart. I could have made a bundle, even like with the Royals.

They swept the Angels. Then they swept the Orioles. And I'm like, wow, why didn't I act on it? I saw it. I felt that there ain't no. Nobody believes me, but I'm telling you, I saw it. I don't know what it is about that game, but I have a feel for it.

That's why these guys don't want to hire me a lot of them because they don't speak the truth. You know, they have too many of these so-called experts. But I watch the game. I have great instinct. I mean, I could be a bench coach. I could be a match. I mean, I could be in the game because I love the game.

I live it. And I watch it, and I got a good feel for it. You know, I've even coached Little League in Encino. And they think, you know, is to call me crazy Nick. But, and then people will go, yeah, but Nick knows the game. He really knows what. I'm three. four, five, seven steps ahead.

That's why when I'm watching the game, I get nervous when something bad's going to happen. And the people go, what are you getting upset about? Because I'm four steps ahead of you. I could see what's going to go on here. He's going to make this. This is going to happen here,

and then that's going to happen. The whole fucking thing's going to blow up. And it does. And they go, you're crazy. I go, no, I'm not. I know what the fuck I'm looking at. Because I know I have a trained eye. My brother goes, he doesn't,

he thinks he's in the game. He thinks he's actually playing that he can affect it Sometimes I feel like I could will my way and I've willed games It doesn't always work and then I get a bad feeling on that all of a sudden something happens a play a ball You watch you got to watch the little The little things that you go oh shit that's a bad omen That's a bad fucking omen And you and you I

I almost feel like I could predict Predict like this World Series We're now the fact that I didn't gamble on it, I'm not going to touch it. I should have put my bet in before the Angel series when I felt it. I still feel they'll do it. But I don't, right now, it's like,

you know, I think it's destiny for them, but the Giants are still a scary team, you know, but I definitely. Why the Giants so scary? Because they know how to win. They know how to win, and they play small ball, and they find different ways to beat you.

And they got a bunch of characters on the team, like this guy, Hunter Pence. He jumps up. He looks like an odd guy and posy who's clutch. They're a very clutch team. They know how to win. But right now the Royals are on a high. They're young guys.

They're feeling invincible. They've got a three-headed monster coming out of the bullpen. They've got a seventh inning guy and eighth inning guy. You know, they shorten the game now. So they figure if they go six innings, boom, we got you. We got three guys coming in. The seventh, eighth, the ninth, we're going to kill with, you know, you're done. They feel like after six innings, you're not beating these guys.

They're all throwing 98, 99, 100. I mean, it's lights out shit, you know. But the giants, they have a shot. They do have a shot. Even though I think the Royals will pull it off. I just have a feeling it's just their year. You just know that, you know, this is going to happen. They didn't go this far.

Right. Right. You didn't go. I mean, it would be fucking great if they went 12 and 0 and they ran the table. I don't know if they're going to run the table, but wow. Would that imagine? I said, whoa, I predicted tonight. They're going to go 12 at 0.

Bet the ranch. but you know you don't want to do that because you never know what's going to happen look at the shape of this fucking mud it's a great game you're going to watch the world series probably not when it's not the red socks it's kind of hard sometimes it is kind of cool but the season's so long at this point I've kind of my team's not in it and I've kind of just moved on to football

so if the red socks in it you don't watch it you don't have any other teams no I want to like the daughters to go with Paula but I'll go to the games but I don't care about the daughters look at the shape of you this is what you do to me with the fucking how many milligrams was but 200 well yeah I had it was 200 no yes it was I gave you a half of 35 milligrams no you didn't yes I did what did you take tranquilizer no drink like that What you give him something? Those medical marijuana cats.

Oh, those things. He's all fucked up as usual. You can't be getting fucked up on the air. You're working now. I said, tell Joey that in the longest shot. I'm going to go have Cheeba. I go, I'm working. You guys could be smoking pot.

I'm not fooling around. I'm working on my pot here. This is way before Cheever. My fucking me and Joey got wrapped one day. Ever tell you that story? He's going somewhere I'm going. They wrapped us. You know, like when you're done, we got wrapped early.

Then we got unwrapped. And they called Joe. and they called me in the car. Joey goes, listen, they unwrapped us. I go, I know. We got to go, what do you want to do, dog? I go, I got to go back. I don't give a shit.

I ain't going on. I said, Joey, they unwrapped us. Let's go back. He doesn't go back. I go back. I get wrapped again. So I got unwrapped. I got wrapped.

But he never fucking came back. And I was like, that's not good, Joe. There's a big movie over here. Just come back and do the right thing. I knew that was going to fucking ride. I know, but it's just a just a point. It wasn't a big deal. It was just funny.

We got wrapped, unwrapped, then we got wrapped again. You didn't come, but it was no big deal. Nobody was really mad. I was in my hotel room in the shower. Yeah. I'm gonna fucking unwrap myself and take a bus bike down. It's over. What a great movie.

Once you send me fucking home, it's over. Terry Cruz, he's doing well, huh? My. Everybody's doing well except you and me and Lobo. I know. Everybody in that movie's doing well except you, me and Lobo. We're fucking forgotten soldiers. We're not done.

That gave fucking Terry Cruz a spay. He just met Chris Rock, and he got a special on that fucking. thing. And I like Terry. I like that show he's doing. A lot of people say, did you ever get in on that? I'm like, how could you do a cop show without me? I've played so many cops.

I mean, I'm playing a great cop. I mean, I'm like, that's not that legitimate that show. I mean, I haven't even seen it, but I'm like, my God. Is it all right? It's funny. It's got its moments. But did you go in for it? I went in.

I did it for the first season. All right. And I was very impressed with him. Yeah. Very impressed. Terry was great to me. Terry's out. I love him.

He saw him. He saw him. He was great to me. He was great to me. He's great. It was funny because he was reading his lines and I was right there. And also he just went. Is it funny?

Yeah. It is. I like it. Who writes it? I have no idea. I don't know. But it's not Bonnie Miller. No.

It's a different style of comedy and it's silly. Right. It's goofy and it works. And it does work. It really does work. I was very, dog, I was very fucking surprised. I'd be honest.

I never watched an episode. I was very surprised. Sometimes you give something a chance and you really. Like I saw this movie, Chef that I really liked, and I saw it again. And the guy did a great job, Favaro. That's a good movie, man. Favaro is great in this movie. Who played his assistant?

I know his name, Ligizamo. Oh, Leguzaum. He was amazing in it. He was great. Conovali, who's the hottest actor, and he was in it, too. He's so freaking hot, Bobby. He's Paul Cuban, Italian. He's buzzing right now.

He's from Union City, New Jersey. Huh? He's from Union City, New Jersey. That's where my mother's bar. Convali? I'm from North Bergen. It's like Studio City in North Hollywood. It was the same fucking...

It's a good movie. It's a really good... And it's funny and it's... And it's poignant. It's really good. I just saw it... I mean, you see a movie the second and third time.

I'm like, the music's great. A lot of Cuban music in it. I mean, he did a nice job. He's a good director and a good... Who, John Favre? Yeah. He's directed and starred in it. He's starting it and he's really good in it.

He's like really good in it. And I was like, you know, I told my brother, I said, you should see it. And he's like, oh, he's directed some... A few movies. I'm like, I know, but just see it. You know, he's so freaking, my brother sometimes is like a hard ass when it comes to like. I'm like, it's a good movie, you know.

You got to still enjoy things. Still be a fan. But when you see a movie like that, you get inspired because you go, there's still room for like a really good movie. And it's funny. Funny is shit and it's good. Every once in a while. It sneaks. Somebody does make a great movie.

Yeah. You know, I love Ben Affleck. I like him. I like him. How's this new movie? It's okay. I'm not a big, I went to see it. The judge?

No. You're talking about Gone Girl? Gone Girl? I'm not a huge David. What is it? Fincher? Yeah. It kept me on a string for freaking out.

Do I need to sit there two and a half three hours? It was all right. I know what movie I like of his that I really like the bank robbery movie? Oh, I was on the other day. That is terrific.

That's better than Argo. That's better than Arbor. That is terrific. That movie makes me fucking sweat. I watched that movie 95 times. The other day was on Saturday. I never get tired of it. I look.

The town. The town. The town. is my movie. I watch it every fucking time TNT puts it up. I love the fucking town. Every time T&T puts it up. He impresses the shit out of me in that movie.

It's such a good movie. Oh my fucking God. I'm telling you, I would like to make a movie like that. And when he walks into the guy and he tells the guy right off the bat, you're just a fucking old guy with a fuck-to-face. What do you think you are? What do you think you are? Right. And he goes, even the scene with Renner, when he's with Renner, he's like, you know, I'm leaving his fucking town, man.

Tremend. I'm leaving this town. That's a good movie. Good movie. I didn't think you liked it that much. He's tremendous. Yeah. I love the movie.

I tell you, I love it. I mean, what do you think of Walberg? You like Mark Wahlberg? He's pretty good. He's funny. He's shit, too, man. I'm watching two guns. I'm digging it.

More I watch it. You know, he's, Mark is good. I like The Departed. The Departed. He's one of the best things in. I thought they were all pushing in that movie. But Mark, I like it in that movie. Mark is good.

Mark is good. And he's funny as shit, too. There's something funny when he gets hysterical. He gets really, really hysterical, you know? He really like takes it to a takes it to another level and he has a you know, I don't know, I just believe him.

Do you see him in Ted? Ted was one of the better ones that he's fucking good in Ted. He's funny as shit in Ted. He's very funny. He's getting high and everything. I'm a comic. You know, I started as a stand-up comic. I always dreamt of maybe being an extra in a movie

but I never thought nothing would ever occur to me. But now you know, I've been here 17 years and I've done fucking movies with the best and the worst. So you know when somebody's faking it. When you watch now, I know when somebody's faking it. It's amazing. Oh, yeah.

I can see it myself. And everybody talked about this American hustle. There was only one motherfucking savage in that movie. De Niro. No. Yes, he was tremendous. He was great in that. And Batman, the guy who played Batman was all he.

But they were all trying to hard now. He was ahead above everybody. Everybody else was trying too hard. He was ahead of everybody. But when he came in and that one scene, He went back like in time and he was like, let me show all you guys the way it should be done. Let me show you right here right now.

Watch, watch me. Because I'm still going to wax every one of you, but in a nice way. But he did it. He was beautiful and he broke into the Arabic. He was tremendous in that one scene. Even though he's kind of sold out and he's not, you know, the De Niro of, you know, taxi driving. You watch those old.

But he's great in that scene. He's 70 years old. Yeah. 70 years old. Think of people you knew growing up who were 70 that were fucking gone, who bots, and he still has it together.

Yeah. For 70. Well, he's always working. He never stops working. He won't stop. The guy's a workaholic. Even Pacino, I mean, he's still, you know, he's out there still,

he's crazy as hell. But I just laughed my ass off when I see him. I saw him in some, what was that movie? He did with Keanu Reeves the other day, plays the devil. It's an old movie.

Tremendous. The devil's avid. But he's so fucking funny. Even when he's over the top, and he's so over the top sometimes. I saw him doing that, that cha-cha. What is that dance that they do?

Oh, I was dying laughing. When she's sucking his dick for her, his teeth. He plays the devil. He sees his teeth. And they say when he shows up on the set, he's like zonbo. Yeah.

Remember zonbo? Yeah. Remember the episode of Zambon? Yeah. He was just a plain white guy. And they said he shows up no teeth, no hair. They got to put patches on him and shit. I just love.

I don't know what it is about. Even when he's bad, you know, even when he's like over the top. You're like that But then I say But like the scent of the woman You know He's not a snitch

I don't want here With bad man What is a bad man He goes You know he just loved him He was good in heat I just watched Heat the other night He's good

You know who's good in heat Really good in heat De Niro De Niro is really good in heat De Niro is very grounded In that movie You know I remember that one scene

When I saw it in the movie theater And he's like you know I like it was just sitting here He goes but baby You are going Going down. And the Niro goes, there's a flip side to that.

I was in the movie theater. And the black guy went crazy behind me. And I was dying laughing because there's nothing like black people when they're watching the movie. There you go. They respond to the movie. I saw do the right thing. With a black audience with Spike and my brother,

you never saw anything like it. It was an out-of-body experience. It was like they were, they took over the movie. I was dying. My mind said to my brother, this is insane. I thought we might not come out of alive. That was the movie. You had to see it with that audience.

You got to see shit with, you can't decide something unless you saw it with people. Because people will tell you what is good, what is funny, especially a black audience. They know what the fuck they're talking about.

They do. They're my biggest fans. They come up on the street. I love you. I love you. Because they know, they understand. They understand what's real and what's fake.

You just said it. I look at a guy. I'm acting with a guy. I can tell right away. This guy's a fake. Oh, it's horrible. He's imposter. It's hard for me to keep a straight face, you know.

Then sometimes I have to give the guy a little something. What do you mean? What are you? You know, just, you know, I said, just take it this way. Maybe do that. You know, I indirectly direct sometimes guys that I'm like, I know they need to help. You're not ready, man.

Come in here, you got to be fucking come with something. And we were doing a scene of Blue Blitz and we're trying to get this guy to hit the guy. Finally, me and the director told the guy, slap him in the face. Slap the fucker. Slap him one time, just one time. Maybe because this guy couldn't get it

until he slapped the guy. Need it to slap him. Sometimes you need to be slapped. What are you going to do? You know what I mean? We need to get slapped right now. Look how fucking I are you going. Where are we going?

No Tony's. Where are we going, Tony's? I'm trying to go anywhere. You what? I'm trying not to go anywhere. I'm always stopping. You're going to go home and kill 22 turkeys. I know.

Looks like he's like half asleep, this guy. No, I'm not asleep. I'm just really high. Are you higher than last Monday with Arroy? No. No, because we passed it around. Joey. Look at me.

Nothing even happened. I ate one before I came. And then you do. You always do. And then the half. Okay. And nothing. I'm over here because I don't let it affect me.

Yes, you do? I have the fucking tolerance of a fucking billy-go. Ah! You're bad. It's Monday night The church of what's happening This is how we do it dog Just three fucking dudes

Talking shit on the Monday What else you want? Lies, what do you want to hear? Things people haven't fucking done Fuck you and all those That's what we got that plaque I got that plaque too Big deal

58 million 58 million We got nothing Somebody made that fucking A couple of residuals were nice And then they went away Sony Fucking nah

And And maybe you're telling me The first residuals Gonna be good Nikki I couldn't wait It was the second one You said the second one, Nikki, the second one. They were good.

I had that mother. I was waiting for that motherfucker. Couldn't wait. I couldn't wait. I was waiting. That's what I want. I want one of those again. Oh, my God.

I don't know what. How do they send you these checks? Oh, man. I remember calling my wife and going, Terry, I got a check for this much. He goes, I'll be home in an hour. That bitch took the train home from downtown. We went to the bank.

They wouldn't deposit it. Shit. I had already the Coke dealer on the phone. I had the Columbus. I had the whole, what is that snoring? What is that? Who's snoring in here? Are you alright, Lee?

Yeah, that was me. I think that was me. I just read a rare speak thing. Imagine like Transformers. I never asked my brother. I wonder what those suckers are like. There's nothing like residuals. I love the fucking residuals.

When they come in, you know, and they come in. You watch them? online. I don't watch them online, no. I just open the mailbox. You got to monitor them online. You do? How do you monitor them?

I think they're screwing me right now. waiting for some I'm waiting for some stuff on sag.org and what do you do you sign up you sign up you put a email address with a code and it says residual tracker oh really and you start looking at your residual track and they even have a page for lost residuals because they can screw you not to they could screw you they don't listen they all screw you in a form or not but if you don't get a check from sag they won't send it for 90 days like if sag sends you a check and you don't get it you have to wait 90 days before you could file a claim. Yeah.

Like you need that fucking money. I know. I just found some money that was in trust. They called me, track me down. I'm like this, one of them was from one of the Kevin James movie. I'm like,

they thought my son was me and all this. I said, how much? Where the fuck? I need this money. Now I'm going crazy. Just try to get it finally sent to me, you know? Oh,

we got money in trust for you. I'm like, well, I need it. Let's go. They'll tell you whether or not they have checks down there. Right. Sometimes they're saying... But how do you track, like, these shows that are like, you know,

you can track, like, when a show is... No. What you track is when they get a check and when you're going to get it. How much they're going to pay you, what they pay you for, pay TV, real TV, VCR money, you know, like DVD. First run, you know, network is nice. That I like, I love those 3,400 ones. Right. Those are good.

They always run them at you. Yeah. What are the second ones go for? The second... Like, on the network, if the network... If the network airs it a second or third, do you know? Like half.

So it's like half of that. And then it goes to like 256 for a year. Like let's say my name is Cheryl. So I see Blue Blood's doing a lot of CBS remands on Sunday nights that I'm in. Yeah. So you get the full pop. Yeah.

You get the full fucking pop. Yeah. From the first season. From the first season. So yeah, you get the full pop. They're rerunning it on a Sunday night. Yeah, yeah. You get the full pop.

And I'm like, I haven't seen much than that. Yeah, I got a check. It's amazing how your money. What were we talking about before this show started? You said, we got to talk about this. What? Residuals? No, residuals.

Um, it was essential. There's a, well, come essential, but there's a show on Fox right now where they're not paying comedians to do the show. And the, and the EP of the show is the owner of the club. They're filming it at, and it's just a... But I thought it was segments from different comedy clubs. It might be, but it did one of the main clubs as the guy owned it is the EP. And it was crazy. It's like, how could they ask somebody

that they're making advertising money on to do that for free? They trade it for exposure, like the comics. These are comedians. It's just like movies now. They don't want to pay you. It's like, you know, yeah, we want you in the movie, but we want to give you, you know,

$500 a day or something. I'm like, what? You can't do this for free. You know? You got to pay me. You want me. You got to pay me something. What did you just finish shooting for HBO?

I had this thing called crime that my brother's starring. It's an eight An eight episode miniseries But I only did like one episode I was supposed to do two or three But it was just a small part Yeah

And then you also have the Kevin James movie Kevin James And I got this little movie that I did in Montana That's called Subterrania That's actually It's a great little part that I did It's like this guy was a homeless guy It's like a weird little indie

But it might get in one of these festivals You know And it was like a It was a terrific little part And the guy had me like in the first 20 minutes of the movie. So I told the guy, I said, listen, instead of me dying in the first 20 minutes,

why don't you re-edit, spread me out through the whole movie? And he goes, brilliant. I love it. So he spread me out throughout the movie. I helped the movie. And the movie's going to come out. But it won't be like a, you know, a big movie. But it's a nice part.

Because I did whatever the fuck I wanted. I was in Montana, the middle of nowhere. A river runs through it, all these, all these, you know, fresh rivers and everything. But I was in Montana playing a homeless guy. And it's a nice little part that I did, you know, but I hope some people get to see it. You never know with those things.

You never know. Sometimes those indies can be, you know. People see it. Yeah, the right people see it. If the movie, if it finds, you know, if it gets maybe Sundance or something, you know, sometimes you just got to be lucky, you know. Sometimes something that people see.

Sometimes nobody will see it. No, who knows. But at least that's good. At least it's not a piece of shit. Sometimes you do something for money. It's a piece of shit. It's a piece of shit. And sometimes you do something for regular money.

You just lean towards it. There's something in the script that you connect with. You know, it's three days. It's painful. You go, what the fuck? I don't be involved with it, you know? Well, yeah. It was just like, you know, and it was one scene that I almost didn't even do.

And then I didn't. Luckily, you know, it led to like 40 episodes or whatever. I wish I was doing more. But it's just, that's the way it is. But, I mean, still, you know, you never know. Sometimes you can do one scene. How lucky are you? You're still in Hollywood.

Whether or not doing major motion pictures, just the thought of being here still. I mean, there's probably more work in New York. We could do theater in New York. We could do all these things. But I wake up every morning, I'm like, I can't believe I'm still fucking here. It's true.

I can't believe I'm still here. It's true. And I'm making money. Because I remember. Not money, but I'm getting, what I'm trying to say is I'm working. I'm not making money, but we're working. And that's huge.

That's huge to just be working. and Lee's working, you're working, I'm working. It's not what we expected. It's not the house in fucking Malibu with the 10 maids and people flying in and sucking dick and, you know, Puerto Rican naked serving hors d'oeuvres. That's not the plan. It's not the way it worked out for us, you know.

Brad Pitt had those looks, and that's what happens. He ended up marrying some chick that'll suck the blood out of your dick and put it on a gold chain around her night. You know, that fucking dirty animal. So, you know, it's just amazing. And I hate saying that. It's just that we're working. That's the word.

It just does something to me. I look around. I can't believe I'm hitting. Yep. I remember. I go back to WAPD Blue, 7 out of 13 the first year. I was like, what does 7 out of 13 mean?

I didn't even know that, you know, if they didn't really like me, that 7 out of 13, I could have been fucking history and back in New York. I didn't know. The guy goes, you know, we like you.

We're going to pick you up for the back nine. What does that mean? Well, you're going to be here for it this year. I remember one of the guys, Burton Armist, goes, hey, don't get too comfortable. You might get a year or two out of it. And I was like, oh, yeah, I don't know. I was never thinking.

I remember the first season. I thought I did 20 out of 22. 20 out of 22, the show was big. I made bullshit money, but the show was tremendous and huge. And I got nominated for an Emmy. My mother goes, like, Nicholas, you got nominated for an Emmy. I'm like, what? I was just happy they didn't.

fire me. I was happy they didn't fire me. I'm asking Red Devil. Am I okay? How's my, you think I'm all right? You know, I'm just checking to see if I'm, you know, I was a major show with major players and guys that have experience up to the gazoo. And I never, I never thought about, you know, I'm going to be here for the next 10, 15. How many episodes you end up doing? I'm blue. Over 100. Oh, shit. I did six in a, I did six years and then I did six shows in the seventh season. I kind of have a little bit of a, um, I wish it would have ended a little nicer

I mean it wasn't a terrible ending but I went off to do a miniseries for De Niro and then I left the show one year they let me out to do it and then when I came back they kind of held it against me it was weird it kind of held it like I remember asking Jimmy Smith's about that you think I should do it I mean this is a great opportunity

you have to play Sammy Gravano and De Niro was hiring me he wanted me not the network he wanted me and he was like yeah you gotta do it go talk to them you know, go talk to Bocco, ask them, you know. And, you know, at that time in the fifth season,

I'm thinking, this is a great, how could I, how can I say no to this? I mean, I wasn't asking to quit the show. I just said, can you let me out? And then when I came back, it was, I saw, I was like, I was the low man on the totem pole. I don't know what happened,

but it was like, it definitely like, you know, in their eyes, you know. It would have been nice. I mean, the final five years, I mean, because I was starting to really make some money then. So they kind of like, you know, I kind of like maybe I wasn't company enough, who knows.

But I had some pilots after that. I had a development deal, WB, then CBF, two that just missed getting on the... So I almost, I almost had... I could have, you know, had... I'm not saying, it could have been like Kevin or somebody like that, but I could have had a hit show. I mean, I had a couple of good sitcoms that were very good. And one that everybody says to this day was before it's time.

Billy Goddell was in it. And it was a good show. And Billy Goddell was a character in my show. show, you know. I like Billy. I mean, but, you know, hey, sometimes you're just not lucky. You know, when I think back to that WB

show, man, and people were high-fiving me, and we were fucking edgy. It was funny, and we were edgy. We were on to something. And I didn't get on the air. You know what I mean? So... Look at the opportunities, bro. You know, but hey, I learned a lot. Red Devil was in the audience.

He was like, that's tremendous, Nick. He knew. He knew Red Devil, but he never threw me a bone. I mean, I was helping him with something. He gets back on the audience. TV, he's God. Now, he's done, right? He's done, he's on TV.

He got rich. He's done, but he got rich. Nine years, ten years. He got rich. Filty rich. Unbelievable, man. Unbelievable. Just exactly, I mean.

Who's Red devil? What's his name again? Red devil? I call him Red Devil. Caruso, man. You know, and we were tight. Look at the shape of fucking league. Look at him.

He's nodding off already. He's done. Thank you, brother. My pleasure. Thanks for having me. Hopefully we could do this major league baseball podcast with you. and really start that up. Lee loves baseball.

We don't like nothing now. What are you thinking about, we grilled cheese or bacon, cock's sucking. No. That would be good. And skinny chicken went on fire. What?

Skinny. Yeah, Skinny Kitchen caught on fire apparently. Skinny kitchen caught on fire. And the guys tried to blur it down but they're not Jews. No, they're not. They tried to burn their own place down. But these people don't want to use Jews out of it.

They think they're white. They want to throw fucking, what's the shit they use? from the barbecue grills. Charcoal? No, the other thing, to burn a place down. You got to use a Jew if you're going to burn your business down. That's the only way it works.

Let me get it to fucking shout-outs. The Sponsons. We'll call it a night here tonight. Number one and always. Hitty Sigs. I'm smoking one of their cigars right now. Hitty Sigs, longer-lasting, better flavor.

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obviously unless you're a fucking moron you start with the 24 you go to 16 you move to the eight next thing you know you're not smoking no more You can do this in a couple fucking weeks. Trust what I'm telling you. Smoke more refa, less fucking cigarettes, and go with the Hitties Six. That's what you should do for a new year. Do yourself a favor.

Go to HittiesSigs.com right now. Go to the boxing press. Joey's Church. Get 20% off. All right, and it gets delivered right to your fucking house. Don't fuck around. Go to Hittysig's.com and press. Joey's Church.

Or go to Joey Deas. To the webpaces is a link. It takes you right over there, all right? Stop fucking around. Stop lying to yourself. You're going to quit smoking. You're going to do it with Hittie Sigs. If you want to just a great-tasting,

Hittie SIG is an alternative, this is it. The cigar is fucking tremendous. I'm going to give Nick one before he lives. Also, on it.com, you bad motherfuckers as usual. You guys, not a supplement. Your way to make us fucking better, smarter, from the alpha brain to the hemp force. I farted a hem-force fucking fart on that plane the other day.

Oh, no. It smelled like fucking Ebola. Do you understand? Everybody was putting mask on. a Japanese guy with a parachute. It was fucking tremendous. Hemp, force, protein. They also have shroom tech for endurance.

Shroom tech that you need it now in the wintertime for a shroom tech. Sport, immune. And immune for your immune system. If you want to optimum optimization, if you want to be the best of what the fuck you do, forget vitamins. Go to onet.com today. Press in. Church.

In the box. C-H-U-R-C-H. Get 10% off. Also try to stay on it program. Tremendous. They mail everything right to your fucking house. At the beginning of the month, you don't need to go anywhere. You don't need to order it.

Nothing. It goes right to your fucking house. Talking about going right to your house, why are you going to a pharmacy? Why are you going to these places to get a fucking razor? You're taking time out of your busy day. You got to go there, pay $22 for a razor with a flashlight. It's got a hook to pick up. Fuck that.

Go to Dollar Shave Club right now. You could shave yourself for $1, $6, or $9 every month, and guess what? It gets delivered right to your phone. fucking house. No games, no drama, no song and fucking dance. Go to Dollar Shave Club night now, or go to Dollar Shave Club link on Joey Dia's not and press in. Church. Church.

C-H-U-R-C-H. And get these razors sent the house. Tremendous. I use them myself. I'm my fucking cuckooots and on my fucking face. I love them. They're sharp. They get delivered right at the house. They send you the stem, which is tremendous. You could stab somebody with it if she

gets ugly and then they mail your razors. Right the house. One blade, two blades. and three blades with aloe strip on it. Why be a fucking mutt and waste your time at the pharmacy standing on line like a fucking zombie? Everybody wants to be part of the Walking Dead. Fuck these sheep.

Be yourself. Go to Dollar Shave Club right now. Today, Dollar Shave Club.com and go to the box and press in. Church. And start shaving the right fucking way. Also, I want to give a shout out to my favorite people.

Crespo Jewel on Bergenline Avenue in Cubaville in Union City, New Jersey, for all your Cuban gold needs. They got chains, they got Santa Ria stuff. They got a fucking knife made out of gold. Oh, I need that. Go see my main man. Crespo's jewelers.

They ain't fucking around. What do you tell them? And listen, this week, Wednesday, we got a 6 a.m. podcast because I've got to go to Miami. So 6 a.m. with my man, Billy Corbyn. He's going to talk about the reboot documentary of cocaine cowboys. Oh, cool. Yeah, so he's going to call in.

That's it, guys. That's it. late, what the fuck you want from me? Nick the Turro came, he dropped some knowledge on you. He put his glasses on, so he thinks he's an intellectual. Everybody's here, you know what I'm saying? What's up, Lisa? How are you feeling? I'm really high. How are you?

Good, good. You look high, but you look healthy. How many pounds are you up to? 63. 63. What are you doing? How many times you go to the gym this week? I haven't had a day off this month. Still? Because every time I get good, I have edibles, and then that tests me back two days. And then I just, I don't know.

I don't know. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yes, I do. I love you guys. Have a great week. See you Wednesday. Nick Totoro, thank you. Thank you.

See you Wednesday at 6 a.m. with Billy Corbin. I love you guys. Have a great day tomorrow. And remember, live your fucking dream. Don't let nobody fuck me fuck me. You fuck these cock suckers that come up to you with that bullshit. Tell them, suck my dick and call me shorty.

I was born and I was born and forth. Let's do it, baby. Let's do it, baby. A little bit more D-train again after this. Fuck Van Halen. Okay. Come on, read the fucking I am.

The show's over. Don't forget to sign up for dollar shaveclub.com. Get a high quality razor sent your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollar shaveclub.com forward slash church or just go to do ideas at night and click on the dollar shave club banner.

Go to on it.com. Look at the shape of you. He's got over church to get 10% off. Any other great products, Apple brand new mood, Shum Tech Immune, Shintog, Sport. And lastly, go to hit E6. The poop is in the vape

Better tasting longer lasting Use code word Joey's church To get 20% off The chef told me to stop by He's giving us something special for Wednesday morning It'll be light Something like this but a little lighter Oh

30 milligrams What you did to me Because I'm not the same I'm not the same Who just don't know