The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #224 - Joey Diaz, Billy Corben and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: October 22, 2014

Billy Corben, Director of great documentaries such as "Cocaine Cowboys" and "The U" calls in to Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. Recorded live on 10/22/2014. Music: Led Zeppelin - The Song Remains the Same Van Halen - Mean Streets Snoop Dogg - Gin and Juice

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That's Nailed at Life.com. And you use code where Joey Diaz, no spaces, and get 20% off your order. What the fuck? Where you've been, Joey? It's Wednesday morning. October 22nd The devil who gives a fuck about him or Renéz-O-Wigger

We're talking about you, cock sucker Life today What are you gonna fucking do today? The song remains the same That's it, you get up, you stab a motherfucker You eat, you get your dicks up And you fucking live another day That's it

And your dream continues Wake up, get a fucking number Bazooka your fucking neighbor's asshole the church is coming at your cocksuckers what kick that motherfucker leave oh shit are you fucking kidding me or what it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive here

nice and chilly here in southern Los Angeles whatever the fuck we live I don't know what's happening cock sucker Not much I uh It really does give you a good It's a good day when you get your dick sucked Like I came in with Steve Simone on Sunday He's like you look good

I'm like I have sex today Sure. It's always a good day when you say. You have a little dick suck in. You wake up in the morning, puts a little pep in your step. Who needs fucking Christians when you can get your dick suck?

We're here, cock suck. I know. Joey, no 6 a.m. ones. We like to say, listen, we try to do everything. You know, I have to take a, I have to do some shit tonight. I got to take a flight early tomorrow morning,

so we figured what the fuck. Let's do the podcast 6 a.m. We got my main man, Billy Corbin coming in. We get to talk some shit again. You guys get to see what the fuck's cracklecking. And that's it. What's up with you? We got a nice present yesterday. I want to give a big shout out to Bob Lemgis from Chicago to fucking badass city of Chicago. I went to my mailbox the other day and I got a bunch of stuff and there was a card in the bottom and there was too many people online. So I don't go to the mailbox a lot. I go like once a month and I pulled out the card and I brought it back yesterday and I put my hand there. He sent me a Dr. J book tremendous. I'm going to read on the flight tomorrow. He sent Lee a beautiful Boston. Red Sox Yamika. Oh my God.

He was so, he, you called me from the mailbox. I almost had a heart attack. Fucking Boston Red Sox Yamika. Nobody does it like that. Nobody. So we want to thank you, Bob, from the bottom of my heart. I emailed you last night. Thank you very much for the nice gift and stuff we like.

And he sent mercy a little. A doll. Team Umi Zumi doll count to one, two, three. So my heart goes out to you, brother. Thank you very much. What's up, Cox? That was a lot of fun yesterday. We did have fun.

I don't see Mercy that often because we do this twice a week and you're you're so busy now on the road that I pretty much just see these two times a week. But I was able to, I went over to your house yesterday morning and Mercy's getting big. And she was scared of me when I first walked up and she's never really, she's not that she doesn't like me, but she just doesn't understand who I am. Yeah, yeah, she doesn't get it. But I had my laptop out and she like was coming. She knows what computers are. So she came over, she was playing with it. And then she just like, I asked you what website.

And you're like, she likes YouTube. So I put something on and like she got on my lab. We watched like almost like an entire episode of Dora. It was like, but I don't know how still, like how you do it. Because she keeps, I was telling Paul last night that she just, when she's playing, she just always walks backwards. And I was petrified. She was going to hit her head on something.

Oh, constantly. She walks backwards. She trips on my feet. She falls on the slippers. You know, man, she's a tough little girl. It's been great watching a little baby grow up. When I had this opportunity before, I neglected. I was young and stupid and addicted to drugs,

but I'm having a great time. I'm breathing. I'm taking every breath with her. You know, I'm doing it the right way. I take it to the park. I spend as much time as I can with it because why have a family? All right. You know, we've been blessed with this fucking blessed.

I'm starting to sound like these rest of these fucking moron. We have been pretty lucky that we got the podcast going on. I get to go on the road. So during the week, you know, I get to write a little bit and spend time with her that a lot of people couldn't, you know, they have day jobs. Right. I'm very thankful for that. Have you thought about that? Because my dad worked nights.

You know, he wasn't on the road ever. But as a kid, I didn't really, I knew that he was home, but I didn't understand. I probably didn't understand that most dads weren't. So are you worried that she might be like, oh, my dad's on here on the weekend. but then like she won't realize that you're there during the week are you going to sit down and talk with her or the goal is this man the goal is to get the fuck off the road the goal is to get on the road you know for the severity that you're doing i'm doing it now because the agent books me a lot and i like going out you know with the podcast but 2015's going to be a lot different

i'm going to slow it down a little bit you know and be home a little more two weeks a month every other week you know things add up i'm a little older i got a lot of shit on my plate There's a lot of things I want to do. When you can move out to L.A., you're in L.A. You know, this is a comics paradise. So why leave it? It breaks my heart when I see comedians live in Los Angeles, and they leave every Wednesday.

You're not giving Los Angeles a chance. You live in Los Angeles to take advantage of movies and TV and whatever media options they have available to you. You don't live in L.A. They'll be on a fucking plane and do the road. It's great, and it's advantageous, and you make money, and you get to meet people and the whole thing. but you miss out on this.

But there's another side to this. This business here in the film and television industry is completely dead. I speak to people who are non-union, and they're the only ones that are really going out for auditions that are working constantly. I used to work at least once a month on film or TV and get three calls a month or four calls a month, and I was always chucking and jiving.

You always got a mind fuck going. The mind fucks in the film and TV industry are few or far between. Do I want to do that every day? No, I don't. If you see my lifestyle, I like breaking it up. So I have time for other things. I learned a lot from Joe. You know, Joe never went on the road crazy.

He always had fear fact. You had the UFC. You've got to have a couple different ions in the fire. So I think you don't burn out on one thing. I don't want to burn out on stand-up. There's nothing worse than burning on stand-up. You become a hologram up there, and you're just going through your jokes with no emotion.

I want my jokes to feel fresh to me all the time. Right. You know, when I'm writing, I want to be. fresh. I can't be fresh if I'm on the road. So like after this week I'm done for a while. Then I have three more weeks and I'm done for the rest of the year and I'm going to revamp my schedule for 2015. I want to be home. We complain about our children and all this shit. You have to be home. Somebody's got to be home. Somebody's got to be home to greet your children at 3 o'clock. I did the most damage growing up from 3 to 5 when they weren't home. That's the most

damage I do. Plus it's just great to be home. I've explained this to my wife. My wife's a workaholic. I'm a workaholic. I don't want that to be the case with this child. I want to make swift moves that make a little bit extra money and have time for the child. We complain about our children, but then we don't want to put the effort. We put our lives before that. I see parents that go away on the weekends and shit, and they complain that the kid's drinking. Sure you's drinking. While you're fucking drinking and fucking sucking, he's in your medicine cabinet, you know, drinking fucking cough medicine or eating cough drops and fucking whatever in it so that's that's uh you know i was telling lee this morning when i got here i came in this morning i thanked him we had a couple

new meetings lee and i have been doing the podcast for two years going on three pretty soon right three two two and a half yeah and it's really weird that at first lee was just getting you know i expected a lot more from lee but lee didn't really know because i didn't really know we just didn't know what the fucking do but now the people pieces are starting to come together and it's a pleasure to see Lee taking control of this you know uh I learned later on in life something that that people tried to tell me nobody really could tell you this you know when you love something you just do it when you love playing the guitar and you want to be in a band you just do it okay you know you just do it and the more you do it you'll start to make

money eventually the more you commit to it right and then you'll you'll figure out that this business is an eight fucking finger hand prong. You've got to have your hands in a lot of things and you got to work a lot. You know, when I see somebody throwing to work in the mornings, that means they don't like their job. You know, you got to love what you do to make it easy. Like, Joey, well, how do you

figure out what you love what you do? I don't know. There's an ass for every seat. There's a thousand things out there. And I had to learn this year because I even remember asking you right when I first, because November, for me, a year of just doing this. And when we first started, I said,

how do you fill your days? Because when I first started, we did this twice. I didn't have any other podcast yet. And I was like, I had been so used to working a full 40 hour, 50 hour a week. I didn't know what to do. And then I started some other podcasts. And it's not that I didn't like this. But like you were saying, when we started the podcast, you just, this is still kind of new.

So you don't really know what it takes. Like, there's not really a loophole. We're learning from trial and error. Yeah. We're not from trial on that pretty much. And some of the podcasts, some of the podcasts didn't pan out the way we thought, but everything that I did this year,

like you say it to me almost once a month. Like it's a big education, and it is. And I don't want people to think, like, some people will tweet me and be like, oh, I don't know how much money you're making or Joey should give you a raise. I'm making very good money compared to a lot of, podcast people, some people only make 20 bucks a show.

I've been able to support myself for a year on this. I'm doing fine. But I'm not making what I was making when I was doing this in TV. So it's been great, even though it's a little bit stressful, it's been great. That's going to motivate me because I was, I'm doing this because I didn't want the limitation. It's nice to have a salary, but it kind of, It's the reason why people stay at the same job sometimes for 50 years, which can be great. That's a lot.

Some people are very lucky now. That doesn't happen that much anymore. But when that happens, I've seen people get kind of complacent. And that's what I was a little bit at the beginning of last year when I started doing this full time. I had, we had good money coming in. And I was, I was, when you go from 50, 60 hours a week to 20, it's like, oh, I'm going to relax all the time. but like this past weekend Paula didn't get mad at me

because she's very understanding but I've been I've been redo I did read my website and Saturday night Sunday night I was just I was just putting work into it and I was thinking like there is there really isn't time off

when you're doing something like this that you know it kills me when people put a salary a roof on their salary and a roof on their lives right you know like you should never put

the roof on anything. You should always strive to make more money, always strive to do, whatever the fuck you want to do. You know, we all have different needs. You'll learn, you know, you can only sit at home for six or seven weeks and go, Jesus Christ, I'm working eight hours a week. Right. I'm doing two other podcasts and Joey's.

What else can I do this up in my, and I knew it would hit you. Life is a, you have to work out every day. Like, I gave up on fitness for 15 years. For 15 years, I didn't take care of myself. I ate, I drank, I did drugs, you know, I did drugs for 30 years, but 20 of those years I took care of myself. The other 15, there was a 15-year lapse, and that hurt me. That hurt my career because it all, everything, you know, you never stop. You never stop.

You know, yesterday I took Mercy to the Park and we were walking. She must have fell down 50 times and she got up. And I looked at that at one point, I go, you know what? Every time she gets up, she gets stronger. every time she falls and she gets up, she gets stronger. You know, we tried the podcast that didn't work, but we got stronger. Now we know what we do when we attack other things, you know.

You're going to keep falling down in your life, and you're going to keep fucking getting up, you know. But when it comes to, after you're like 25 and you've been to college, and that's why people are stuck. Because whatever you find, you have to put your life into it. You know, and people are like, well, this is just a job I'm doing to satisfy the masses until my dream comes through. Well, do me a favor.

job 150%. Do it 150% because you're training for the bigger fucking picture. Because once you find something you love, golf, MMA, fucking guitar, a band, you're a singer. You have to commit to it. It's not just the rehearsal and the performance on Saturday. You've got to write on Monday. You've got to work on your throat on fucking Tuesday. You've got to lift every day or run or your cardio to stay in shape so you're able to stay healthy to perform. You know, there's so many variables that are involved. You have to be a good friend to yourself. You know, when I was snort and fucking blow

10, 15 years ago and going on the road, no wonder I sucked. Because I was high. I wasn't fresh. I wasn't working out. I wasn't committed. My life wasn't into this, you know? I look at things now and I tell people, no.

I have to make time for myself. I have that one hour. You know, every day I try to work out. With the fucking knee, without the fucking knee. Who gives a shit? Every day you do something to better yourself. and I'm just very happy that it hit you in the head and that you see it

this is a big picture. I remember there's weeks where you were, you hang with me, and we do two podcasts, and we go here, and we have two sets, and we go from the laugh factory to the comedy store,

then the next day I talk to you, and you're like, what time did you wake up in the six? And you're like, Jesus fucking Christ, that's what it takes to get to that high level of whatever,

jujitsu, Muay, you want to be a Muay Thai fighter. Your coach says you only need to work out three days a week. You want to be a fight. fucking champion, this is what you have to do. And it's kind of like we're talking about, because this, oh, this isn't just for jobs.

Like, you had a friend who you told me has two daughters and he works from home. So there might be some people who have decided, like, listen, I'm going to make 50 grand a year and that's fine. That's what I need. That's what I need. But I'm going to be. Raised my children. With my kids.

So it's not all jobs. You know, when I was 25 to 30, from the age of 20 to 32, I'm not going to lie. Nobody, I thought that marriage. you just worked. I thought that you just worked. I thought when you were a husband, your job was to work, and you came home on the weekends, and whatever.

I didn't know that it's a 50-50. I didn't know that it takes so much balance. It takes so much balance to be a man today. It takes so much balance to be a woman. You know, you have to have a job. You have to work out. You have to stay healthy. You have to do your creative, you know,

whatever your creative outlet is. Whatever the fuck it is. You want to party. You know, you want to suck dick. I mean, whatever the fuck it is, you have to make time. I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about this. No, you would take out of those. But it's, you got to make time.

But I think you were probably one of the last generations that had that mom stays home with the kids and dad works. I feel kind of bad sometimes. My mom, my dad worked hard. And my mom, for the majority of my childhood was home. But now it's kind of, she's doing fine. but it's kind of biting on the butt a little bit because she has a 20-year gap in her thing. Yeah.

So it's, even though it's great, it's kind of bad. She had a life without the internet. Right. If that happened to somebody today, you follow me? You could work from home. You could do little contracts as an attorney. You could do what is that shit when you're fucking notary. Yeah.

Like a little black lady. You could do a thousand little things from your home today with the computer. Right. That you didn't have, you could do services. is online for people. You know, there's so many ways to make a buck today and to still keep your dream alive. You know, and everybody,

everybody has watched you grown physically. They've watched you grow emotionally. They've watched you grow as a podcast guy. And now I'm watching you grow into somebody who's digging their jobs. You've already looked at the comedy scene. You've seen what's going on. And now you're ready to attack it.

That's what I saw. saw yesterday. When I was looking at you, yesterday and I'm like, this kid's ready now. You know, you came to me a couple months ago and we discussed you being an intern for a manager. And I go, you know what, man, you're getting education right now. You're covering everything. You're covering a wide sphere of different things. You're looking at comics. We have actors in here who tell their stories. We have writers who come in here and tell their stories. You could do what you have the world by the balls. Now, you're 26 and you have the world by the balls, you could take this in any direction you want.

You're not going to be a manager, though, if a comedian in five years, you're going to be a producing manager. You're going to go to comics and say, this is my idea. I hope so. If you nail it, I become your fucking producing manager, complete different from your manager. We just do projects together, and if we get this on TV, boom, we fucking, I'll become the consultant, or I become the executive producer, or just want a producer.

You get three or four guys, you become a producer credit. You live your life fantastic. And you do something that you love, which is fucking so important. And people, I get 60 to 80 emails a week, and 10 of those emails are like, you know, how do you find what you love? I want you to narrow it to fuck down.

What do you lean towards? Whatever. You listen to music all fucking dang. You smoke dope. I don't know. Get a job as a record engineer. Go to a fucking record studio. I'm telling me you want to clean.

waste baskets. Right. I mean, I'm sure we have a bunch of new listeners. I've loved stand-up comedy for as long as I can remember. I've never had the desire to do it, but I've just always loved it. And when I was out here doing the TV jobs that I hated, I wrote to a couple comedians, but I just kept writing. And one day I wrote to you on Facebook and then almost four years later now.

So it's a lot of people will tell you you're crazy and this isn't the way to do it. When I talked about being an intern at the manager's office, it's kind of the old way of thinking that I have to get out of my head a little bit. It's like, okay, how are you going to get a job? Okay, you intern. So that's what I was thinking. But then it's, I'd be getting coffee. Not that that's not valuable, but that's not necessary anymore. You told me that you were editing.

And one day you said that you had to put chairs together. Oh, my first year in L.A., I had an assistant editor title, but I was putting desks together. I was moving boxes. I was cleaning labels off of camera cases. I was one day, because I would, what I would do is, and I would actually recommend this, if you're in an office and doing something, kind of find somebody who's been there a while and just kind of watch them.

I would just sit in the edit bay and watch this one particular editor, and then I'd ask them questions, like, why are you doing that? How do you do that? And my boss didn't like it. And one day she came in and had me close the blind in every office. She's like, I need you to close the blinds. So it's just, it's just that sort of stuff. But it's, I'm almost kind of glad I did it because it taught me pretty much perseverance.

And it was a shitty time in my life where I wasn't making the money I should have been making. I wasn't doing what I should have been doing. But if I, if I can make it through putting goo-gone on camera cases with a butter knife and scraping labels off, I can make it through this edible. It's crazy that when you get here And you think you have this dream out of college It's awesome They're like all right go put a chair together You're just shattered

I would be shattered if I went to USC To the film program And I went to work for somebody He goes all right The first thing you're doing is going to get the host To have coffee grab a list I would be fucking shattered inside

I could see me starting from scratch And walking into a place I'm going to get coffee But not after I did four years of coffee That's just my Well, because especially in this field, when you go from high school to college, you're probably one of the few people in your high school who made videos. So you're one of the best there.

And then you go to college, and it's a wake up because everyone was the best one in their high school making videos. So then you hear about L.A. And you hear about the guy who was there for six months and is now doing this. And you just imagine in your head. No one imagined in their head that they're going to be in the mail room. Everyone imagines they're going to go in, and in two weeks you're running the company. and for the first year where I was desperate to do anything

editing-wise and I was downstairs in the storage rooms reorganizing beta tapes and stuff like that it's just but it's kind of like comedy in a way where there were so many people at that job who I saw come and go

and I took me I got my first job I interned out here with them and then I came back But once I came back, it took me 18 months to get another editing job. Because it's all about experience, but it taught me a lot. And it's why I think this is going so well. It's just time put into it. I didn't.

I knew for a fact when I started comedy that I had to dive into it because by that time, I had tried everything. I mean, I'd done everything. If I had a list, if we had time, I could write this stuff down from a cook at cocoa's or chilies, a cook trainee or bartender trainee, to a bartender, to a hottie. I installed sprinklers. I worked as an electrical fucking contractor. You know, I did, it's amazing.

And did you think when you were doing them, did you think this was your new career, or was it always just a job? It was a new career for four days. And then it was like, what the fuck am I doing in my life? What the fuck am I doing here? I could sell drugs and make more money and knock the trenches. I didn't see the, I didn't see the rainbow at the other side. I didn't see that if you worked there for six years,

you could probably be doing what these guys are doing and getting 20 or 25 bucks an hour. I never saw that. I always could never see time. And now I really see time. Are you with me? So when I was 26, I couldn't see time. The first day I got there, I would get, the first four days,

I would do what you did. I go up to the highest guy and go, look, you're pretty good, huh? Yeah, I want you to get this good six years? six years, I ain't got six years. How dumb was I? We all had nothing with time. If you would have joined Jiu-Jitsu with me, you would have been a blue belt now.

Not me. I'm still terrible. I can't breathe. Because you're young, you would adhere to it already. It's two years. You would have been a blue belt already. And that's how you have to look at time. Well, you don't look at time like that when you're 26 or 25. Now that I get older, I look at people and I go, it's two years. Go for it. You have no idea how fast.

two years passes. You have no fucking idea. We're already done two years. It feels like six months. We've done two years. We were at the apartment. We're at the other office. We're here. I didn't look at it that way. That was a big mistake I made. I never looked at time like that. You know, so I spoke to

somebody the other day from Denver who I hadn't spoke to it. And I said that brother got 20 years. I was like 20 years. It's nonviolent. They have to do 12 years. And I said, that's not that bad. But when I was 26 or 27 and I got convicted of a felony, and they wanted to offer me nine years.

I couldn't even dream in nine years. Nine years to me was 30, you know, and it's really not. When you look at something, you get involved. And once I was 30, I've been doing comedy, 21, right? 21 years, 23 years, whatever the fuck difference is. I must have been 28. When I got into comedy, when I got into comedy, I knew that it was the end-all-be-all.

I knew that this was going to be different than anything else I had ever done, and I had to attack this differently, than anything else I had ever done. I was single, I had no more commitments, I was a life criminal. I wasn't a criminal anymore, like I was a life criminal. I'd give it up on life.

And comedy was going to save me. In the back of my mind, I always thought comedy going to say, me, I didn't know how. I didn't know I would be here 20 years later doing a podcast, I didn't know I was going to be at the comedy store. For some reason, I'd just always believe that it would change me. I don't know why. And I was talking to Rogan Dian on the phone after we did the Higgen-Machado thing.

And I said, you know, I told him we spoke about it on the podcast last Monday about him not being a fighter and me not killing that kid. And I said to myself, if people really knew how much I stole and how many creepy things I did in those years of thieving, like just stupid things that, you know, I was telling, Terry asked me last night how I met George. And I told her that I was living in a hotel. I used to live in a hotel.

Because you just didn't have anywhere else to go. I lived in a hotel. I enjoyed it. I didn't want any commitment. So I lived in a hotel. And there was a string of gas stations and I had robbed all of them. Or every other one I had robbed.

You know, that was my life. And when it got to comedy, like when I was around, nothing was safe. These fucking, these fucking earphones weren't safe because I always had value on shit. I always had somebody I could sell shit.

too. I always had people that would come to me and go, listen, if you ever get studio equipment, I'm your man. So right there, that made me alert on cameras and computers and shit. You know, so I'm just saying, when I was doing this, I wasn't into all this, but I'm just saying, so nothing

was safe with me, but it's amazing that I have so much respect for comedy. Like, I've never stolen a joke. I've never stolen an idea. I've worked hard for everything, you know? Do you know you couldn't do that at the beginning of comedy? Yeah, I knew that.

I knew that. I knew that. Because I didn't know if you were like, oh, I like that joke. I'll try it. And then someone had to tell you. I knew that you couldn't steal. I knew that there was a stigma around it.

When I took a class, they spoke to me about God bless the soul, Robin Williams. That if you go to the San Francisco Punch Line, which I'm going to be at next month, there used to be a picture of him or something there. And he was a joke thief and people don't like it. And I never dreamed of it. I watched something once about it.

a comic, a famous comic who was a joke thief. In the old days, there was like two with Milton Burrow, maybe. One of those guys was kind of a joke thief. They even said Jackie Gleason Stolson jokes or whatever. I knew it was wrong, and I just didn't want to do it. I've always had a big respect for comedy. I don't know why. I don't know why, guys.

But as soon as I, that, all right, so June 21st, June 18th or something, 1991 is when I got on stage. You know, I got on stage a month after that, once a month after that until about October. Then I increased my stage things. It was like jujit-to for me. I would go twice a month and three times a month and eliminate the fear.

We all have fear. I all had fear. I started taking... This kid I worked with in Denver, Jimmy Abeda. You had a drive to Little Tim Colorado from Boulder, which is an hour or something in those days at night. They had an open mic at 11 o'clock at night. That's how I met Jimmy Abed.

on a stage that was huge. It was 10 feet above people. It was like a cabaret stage. And I remember going up on stage at one in the morning bombing and driving that hour and really like having doubts about my career and my life. Like going while I'm not going to,

this isn't going to work out for me. I might as well get a gun and start thinking about going for broke. Like just robbing until either they throw me back in jail or I shoot it out with somebody. I didn't know. I just didn't know at that time. but something made me get up and go do it again.

But I had so many doubts. I didn't know I was going to go for it until 94. So I don't want anybody at home to think that, you know, you just, I jumped on the boat and I tried comedy in 91, and I continued to do it as a hobby. I was a hobbyist. I was really scared to commit. I was asking questions.

I would write jokes. I had the Judy Carter book. and I would just dream. But I didn't know what that dream entailed. I didn't know the hard work it entailed at that time. I didn't really go for it until November of 93. So two years in?

So two years in was when the switch came on. So whether you're trying a band or you're trying something new, sometimes you're there, but the switch doesn't go on. I've been going to Jiu-Jitsu now for 19 months. I'm going, but the switch hasn't really turned on.

It's almost there. It's almost there. I need to kneel to need a heel a little bit, and I'm going to go for a little bit more. Three times a week, I'm going to go to different. But it took me two years, so I don't want anybody to think. I think when a lot of comics explain their story, I think that you have to think

and you have to decide what move I wanted to make, and how I was going to make this work. I was still getting on stage, but the real comedian didn't come out for two fucking years. Not until I went to New York, and I saw Chris Rock, and I saw guys on stage, John Legosamo, and I got it.

And I go, okay, if I'm going to go for it now, this is it. I got to put blinders on, and I got to fucking dive in the fucking water without looking. I was going to ask if, when you started, you would hit Rock Bottom, but then, like, if it took you two more years, you must not have been at Rock Bottom, or what do you think is it?

As a performer, as a worker, as a human being, I think in my life I hit rock bottom every fucking week because I get an epiphany. Something happens to make me stronger. In my life, I don't know about anybody else's life. I hit rock bottom once a week. That's the time when the reefer don't help. That's the time when reality settles.

I got to get on a fucking plane. I got to do this and this and this and this and these things. Okay, you know what? I got to kick it up a fucking notch. Right before Dane Cook hit. You know? What the fuck? We're getting invaded by Martians?

Right before Dane Cook hit, he went to the Houston last stop. Maybe a year before he hit. Maybe 14 months before Dane Cook really hit. He went to the last stop, and I caught him up at the Laugh factory like a week later. Because they told me that all the shows were sold out in Houston, that he just rocked.

Like, I had friends in Houston. Like, I thought we went to see Dane Cook at the last stop. That motherfucker was ripping it, plus the shows were sold out. And at that time, people were selling out the last stop on the weekends, Rogan was, but they weren't selling out Wednesday through Sunday, not that fucking style. Right. That was like Mitch Headberg and whatever, Dane Cook. And so when Dane came back, I bumped into him one night and I go,

how was the Houston last stop? And he was, it was fucking great. The only problem was, it was just too much fucking work. It was too many nights. I got to figure out how to shorten that. Yeah. So Dane Cook at that point had an epiphany. He hit rock bottom.

It's the same fucking difference. Something makes you go, ooh, I need a fucking V8. Have you ever ignored an epiphany and like came back and bit you in the butt? No. Like you knew you were supposed to do something? No, never? I've ignored them, and they've come back to bit me in the butt. Yeah.

And that's why now I don't ignore them. The epiphany I had when I was shitting blood that night. You know, I was about to do the colonoscopy. I got on the couch. I hadn't eaten, so I was fasting. so my mind was working a different way. I've been fasting for two days. And I'm watching this being there,

which is basically about God. And I remember how it was Marilyn's movie, and she used to always bust my balls about watching. And that night I decided to go back to the store. Right there on that couch. I decided a couple other things with my life, but that was the main one. That was going to go back to the store.

That just came to me on a Sunday night or four in the morning. And when you picked me up at a quarter of the five, what did I say to you? I told you in the car. I'm going back to the store. Yeah. And it's done. It's committed.

That's it. I don't ever ignore a good idea. What's a good idea and what's a bad idea? You're not going to know until you try it. So there are no fucking bad ideas, really. Yeah, that happens to me a lot. Like, I'll think about something. And then it's amazing the difference when you say it out loud

because sometimes I'll come at you with an idea. And as soon as I open my mouth, I'm like, oh, that's not, I'm at home thinking it's going to change the world. I do it every fucking night. I'm laying down. Now I've stopped ignoring, can you believe after 20 fucking years? 20 years it took me people of doing a bad habit.

20 fucking years of doing the same fucking bad habit. When you lay down, you put the sleep at and your mask on, that's when your world clears up. You get ideas that are fucking David Mamet type ideas, and the next thing you know, you go to bed and you don't remember shit the next morning. I don't do that no more people. I actually put my slippers on,

I take the mask off, and I write it out. because I got beating up too many fucking times. But it took 20 years. They're taking those beatings, waking up in the morning going, my wife going, what the fuck were you laughing about it two in the morning last night? You know what? I have no fucking idea. I was going to write it down and I didn't.

I fucked up. So these are little things that some things take a couple years. The bottom line is how many times you're going to let yourself get kicked in the fucking ass. And that's an epiphany. How long am I going to let these motherfuckers do this? How long am I going to let my roommate fucking mess up? make more money than I do. How long am I, you know, he's a fucking moron. He's a walking on roller skates. I went to college. I got a degree. I'm a smart guy. How long am I going to sit on this

fucking couch? How long am I going to let people fucking bully me? How long? It's always how long. How much longer these motherfuckers going to kick me in the fucking ass? And one day you get pissed off, you take your belt, you're tightening, and you go out there and bit slap motherfuckers. And that's what it takes. You have to live and die if you want fucking results. You know, you have to show up and live and die, you know? Yeah. And that's it. There's no other fucking way, Lee.

And I'm just, I see you going into this direction. It took a while. Yeah. It took a while ago. You know what? I'm making okay money, but it's time to kick it up and up. I want nice things online. I'm going to go out.

I'm going to do this. I'm going to hustle this. You got the CD with Steve. You got a couple fucking good things. What's going on with Steve some month? It's out. He released it? It's up for pre-sale.

It's coming out November 4th. November 4th. Okay, we'll get him on the podcast. I'll talk about it. Now, who was on? Jerry was on... Gabriel's show. Did you watch it?

I didn't watch that one. I haven't recorded. And then Steve's on this Friday. What time does Steve come on this Friday? I think he opens up the show. It's at midnight. I'm pretty sure the show's at midnight. Whatever time, Standard Revolution's on.

Okay, guys, please, do me a personal favor. Steve Simone is one of those kids that not only is he a sweetheart, Not only is he a fucking real comic, he's quirky as shit, he's got his little fucking things. He's a good kid and he works hard. Yeah, if you go to leeside.com on the My Work page, I have a link to the CD. He works really fucking hard, and I'm very proud of him. I mean, him and I opened up with Dice. What are we talking about 10 years ago?

I see a lot of your path in him because when I, right, I don't even know how long before, but right before I cut up with you, you had signed up. up to be a car salesman and it didn't work out but i see a lot of that and steve is that i think and i and i i haven't even told him this yet i think because i caught lightning in a i got i i met you at the exact right time if you had been a little bit more success i don't know but to say whatever the word is you wouldn't have had time for me and if you had been less it wouldn't have been worth my time but like i caught you at the exact right time and I feel like that's happening with Steve a little bit that he's he his comedy isn't

the issue and I don't think probably your comedy probably wasn't the issue but it's just things catching on and it's it's fun to watch it's very great that you're watching that you're seeing different yeah things have to catch on and again it's when putting different things in the fire you know the CD stand-up revolution his road work the kids always in the gym the kids writing, he's got a girlfriend now. It all comes into place, but he's worked hard at it. I mean, he lived with fat fucking James for two years.

You have no idea where he lived through. The kid would come home, take his shoes off, the apartment would stink. He wouldn't open the windows. You know, because when you're coming, you've got to make sacrifices. Yeah. To live some times. You've got to live in the shittiest fucking places of all time, you know? I remember with Josh Wolfman time, up in

Seattle, my stripper girlfriend, the one I found, the aluminum falling her ass. Yeah. Who's getting married next month, by the Where she registered? Yeah, where she registered. I wonder if she's got aluminum fucking siding. We were living in Seattle. We had an argument, and she goes,

it's better if you move out. And I asked Josh Wolf, if I can move with him. He goes, absolutely. He goes, I got a room downstairs. But at the time, he had a St. Bernard, and Mark Madison had some fucking hunting dog. And they were shit in the basement, not clean it up. And I remember going down there,

these two rooms it would have taken me a year to pick up all the shit then another year to mop up all the piss oh no and i'm like i can't live down here so i had to live upstairs in this little fucking closet room i had my sports betting office and my it was just horrific we lived with three guys which is always a nightmare josh was never there he just paid rent he just paid rent people came and gone he just paid rent there because he wanted a place just in case him and malia would have a problem uh okay So he always had his own little place. That's how I meant Josh Wolf.

You should have seen this place in Seattle. It was in Ballard, in Ballard, Washington. That's amazing that I remembered that. My girlfriend danced in Ballard at the most disgusting fucking strip club on one of those corners, because she's a filthy fucking animal also. And it was just a fucking horrible thing to look at this apartment. But you had a sacrifice. Another time when I moved to Laleah was looking for a place.

And Laha'I offered me a room in his apartment. Do you ever meet La Hai, the African comic? No. Nice kid, nice guy. I met him also in Seattle. La Hai offered me a fucking, whatever the fuck you call it, room, and I went over there,

and it was by Mexicanville, like in El Centro or something like that. Yeah, we got a call. Oh, shit. I'll remember El Centro. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Good morning.

Buenos dees, me, Amigo. Buenos dees. Billy Corbin on the line. What's that? happening, my brother. I always love coming on with you because I feel like it's no bullshit. I don't have to prepare. I don't have to

promote anything. We just get to talk. It's such a relief. It really is. It's refreshing. Dog, yesterday you tweeted something that I don't know if Lee saw it about the guy who beat up the other guy for eating too many pork chops. No.

What the fuck happened yesterday in Miami? Well, many people probably haven't this together, but we actually have a rash of pork chop related violence in the state of Florida. I remember this because two years ago, I tweeted a story

about a guy who shot his roommate twice in the face killing him because he didn't cook the pork chops right for dinner. He didn't cook the pork chops right. They had an argument

the guy loaded his 22. I think you've already loaded, if you hear what I'm screaming. They load his 22 and shoots him twice in the face, killing him. So that was in December of 2012. And then yesterday it was reported that another dude, a different part of Florida, Phelzmere, Florida, he is having an argument with his nephew, because, get this, his nephew eats three pork chops. the uncle gets one pork chop

and then the girlfriend didn't have any pork chops so I guess like that's not even under common core math that's not the proper way to distribute pork chops among three Floridians so the guy well the guy claims that his nephew

grabbed a machete during the fight and threatened him with the machete the other guy the uncle had a knife in his pocket because, you know, it's Florida. Everybody's carrying something. The nephew's got a machete.

The uncle's got a knife, and the uncle stabs him. And apparently he's going to survive the nephew, but I don't think he's ever going to eat three pork chops again at dinner. I can see you doing that, Joey. Somebody cooks something along. You're like, I just got to stab them. Oh, I have that issue all the fucking time when I want to fucking hit somebody. A waiter or something when they fuck something up.

What's been going on, my brother? Well, we've been on May 27th, exactly. I'll never forget it. We started shooting a new ESPN 30 for 30, and they wanted to premiere on December 13th, which is the fastest turnaround that we've ever had on a project before. So we've been working, I should you not, just like seven days a week, morning, noon, and night, trying to get this movie done. And this is Broke, too? This is The U Part 2.

Oh, look at you. It's the first. Yeah, it's our second franchise in the documentary world after Cocaine Cowboys. And it's the first ever sequel in the ESPN 30 for 30. So it's kind of cool. And they gave us a kick-ass time slot after the Heisman trophy ceremony, which is like the best time slot they have for these 30-for-30. so it's high visibility, high expectations,

and now we just need a movie to the show. How long does it usually take? Because May 27th to December 13th is like six and a half months. How long does it usually take? Thank you for asking because ESPN didn't bother to ask us how long it usually takes. I would say like 11 months is like the comfortable minimum. You'd want to say 11 months for a feature doc. It could take a little longer.

We did a doc mini series for VH1 rock docs earlier this year called The Tannning of America, One Nation under hip hop. That was four one-hour episodes. That took a little bit longer than 11 months. But usually 11. It's like that's the minimum, you know, in order to turn out a quality feature documentary product. And here, yeah, so we're looking at about half that, just over half that amount of time. We were talking at the beginning of this podcast about how when you're doing what you love, there's no time off. So if you're doing it in half the time, you just must have told everybody, like, listen, there's no weekends.

We'll pay you overtime, but we have to get this out in half the time. We have work in every shift. Well, yeah, don't get me wrong one. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. I don't want to be an asshole because, I mean, I actually love what we do, and it's a gift to get paid. to do it. I mean, let's get real. In America, in 2014, if you can make a living doing something that you enjoy, let alone love, I mean, you're the luckiest son of a bitch going, because, I mean, there's so many people who are not living any kind of dream in this country day in and day

out, who are just justifiably miserable. And so I'm very grateful. I'm not complaining. It's just I try to, we try whenever possible to turn out a quality product for the people who, you know, who watch it, who are fans of the stories. So it's just a little bit more pressure and we feel a little bit more stressed. But when all of said and done, we're not making a cure for Ebola or anything. It's just a documentary. I'm cognizant of that. Well, you must have a bunch of loyal viewers and are fans now, and you won't get to put a thing up at the beginning of the documentary. ESPN only gave us five months. please don't judge us that harshly.

So if it doesn't come out, well, it's not going to look bad on ESPN, it'll look bad on you. So I understand. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, listen. I take the, everyone will try to share in your success, but your failures are your own,

you know? When you make a good documentary, like your math teacher from second grade starts coming out of the woodwork, and it's like, I taught him, you know, two plus two equals four, you know. But when you fail, you know, which happens, no, no, everybody's like, boy, Bill just screwed that one up, didn't he? So, yeah, we don't get the, we don't get the, we didn't have enough time disclaimer at the beginning of the dock. And the scary thing is, like I said, this is like the highest visibility because we've got this live college football event, the Heisman lead in.

And so, like, it's really just the audience is ours to lose at that point, you know, instead of people having to kind of tune in. and especially for us, like some of the other 30-for-30s, have the added, you know, stressor of having to do that. We have the opposite problem, which is, like, audience retention, which means, like, you know, we can watch them fall off by the quarter hour if we don't do a good job, which is kind of a bummer, but also cool because it gives us a leg up. And I think the movie's going to turn out pretty good,

but what do people say about sequels? They always say the same thing. as good as the original. So we've got that working against us, too. I've got to tell you something, Billy. Ever since I've met you, I hear your name once a week. And in my eyes, I don't see any failures in your life. I love all your work, man.

I got to tell you, I have the option on Twitter like everybody else that don't follow whoever the fuck you. They want to follow on Twitter. And I follow you. I mean, you entertain me more than entertainers. And you're a fucking director. A little Jewish director from Miami down there, living like a doctor. You know, you're an interesting guy.

You're very, I'm telling you, there's not a day that goes by that you don't make me laugh with a tweet because I would have tweeted the same fucking thing if I would be that involved in Florida. Florida is a fucking hilarious state, and you make it funny. You make it fucking funny. The mayor, he's doing the condos, he needs 25 minutes. I mean, you just, it's like, and to you, it's just another day. Like, Miami's, they're getting used to getting fucked in the ass. It's like Hudson County, New Jersey.

Every mayor gets indicted. Every man gets indicted. How the fuck do you live like that? Yeah, it's impossible. And politicians, you know, we've actually, we recalled some politicians out here, which, you know, as Californians know, doesn't, it happens, but it doesn't happen that often. Because when it happens, or when a. recall vote happens, it almost always ends in recalling the politician, because the second voters

can go to the polls and vote against somebody, not even vote for a candidate, just say, screw this guy. They almost always turn out in droves to do that. And so we've recalled a mayor after the Marlins Park boondoggle, where they literally are spending $2.4 billion with a B on a baseball, park that nobody wanted, that nobody voted for, for a private millionaire, basically. They built him a baseball park that virtually tripled the value of his base privately owned Major League Baseball team on the day they did this deal and completely fleece the taxpayers. We recall the mayor over that. And our politicians are always saying, how are we supposed to work?

How are we supposed to function when we have this threat of recall hanging over our heads? It's like, that's exactly how you have to function. You have to think every single day of your life that you're going to leave the city hall in shackles if you screw up. Because otherwise, these people just gleefully, gleefully screw the public. And it has the, on a skyrise Miami condo that you're alluding to. So it's this big cock-shaped building in downtown Miami by Bayside. They're calling it and the developers are touting it as Miami's Eiffel Tower. And it's just this big penis-shaped thing.

The only two things I've ever heard it compared to is a penis or a middle finger. It looks like both or or either or. And it's just like they promised it was going to be privately financed. That's how they sold it to voters. And then the second they get their vote, they sneak their vote in. We're also the masters of sneaky ballot language down here. We love for people to go to the ballot and not understand what the hell they're voting on. By way of example, another stadium sports welfare boondoggle, the Miami-Sk American Airlines Arena in downtown Miami.

When people voted, when Miami-Dade County voters voted on that look, I swear to God, you can't make this up. You had to vote yes for no and no for yes. Meaning, yes, if you were against it, and no if you weren't. I swear to God, they reversed the language on the ballot so that it was yes meant no and no meant yes on the ballot. And that's the kind of, that's the way that our politicians operate down here. So you always got to be ass pucker. You always got to be on guard because otherwise they're just going to mount you from behind.

every time. Now, do you watch the other 30 for 30s? Whenever I can. I've seen fewer of them than I'd like to admit, but I've seen a bunch of, I haven't seen any of the new ones this season yet, but playing for the mob looks awesome. What was that one?

That's the one about Henry Hill, Goodfellas, then fixing the games. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember. Yeah, Ray Leota, narrated it. I watched one. People were twitting me last night saying to tape Garden of Eden. The Mastersport Garden one based on the book with Michael Rappaport was the director. And I was really tired last night and I watched the first half hour.

But they showed something, Billy, that was fucking brilliant. They showed it, Billy. Willis Reed beating the shit out of a team. He broke two jaws that night. It's all over Facebook today. It's all over how Willis Reed they showed the footage of him taking on a team.

I had heard that story from John Barone when I was a kid that he was at that game. John Barone is a coach. He's in the Hall of Fame for Free Tros. He played for the Miami Floridians, this guy, Billy, when there was an ABA team.

I remember that. He was my eighth-grade teacher, and he told me, me about a story where Willis Reed was just picking up people that people were hiding on the benches. You have to watch this. Tape it. It's probably going to be on tonight or tomorrow.

Tape it. Just to watch that. He was just punching people, Billy. Just bam, bam. People were holding them, bam, bam. He just lit motherfuckers up. After that, they made the captain of the team. And that was the beginning of the Knicks. That was when they...

And the footage, the footage was a holy grail for a while. Yeah, it They're saying that the 73 Finals just came out. It looks terrible, but they showed that because I spoke to my brother this morning. I asked him how the rest of it was. And he said he enjoyed it.

But it was like, you're right, this event was like, it was like mythological. It was like an urban legend. And now, and that's a great thing about documentaries is that, you know, whether it's a famous event and obscure event, you know, you have an opportunity as a filmmaker to go digging and to go out into the world

and research and try to find some interesting materials. I look forward to the scene fight. I mean, I'm barely, barely old enough to remember a time in the Knicks were any good. I have very fond memories of a friend taking me to the garden for really my first ever live in-person at Knicks game when Isaiah Thomas was with the head coach of the team and that was a fascinating

sort of delve into the mind of the sadistic New York sports fan and really like to self-sidistic because they they pay a lot of money New York sports fans to go to these events

and boo their own team. I never seen anything like that because in Miami when our team sucks we just don't go we stop supporting the team, like a restaurant that you used to like, that the service and food sucks now. You don't keep going.

You have no obligation to support a business whose product you don't enjoy anymore. So we just don't go to the games in New York, though. People, we pay top dollar secondhand for like a nosebleed seat in the garden. And then

we're walking in. They're literally burning Isaiah Thomas and Effigy outside of the garden. And then these same people, who just did this with their next jerseys on, go into the garden, they bought tickets to support this. They go in,

and they just boo. They boo their own team. And when they did something really stupid, they would just chant, fire Isaiah, fire Isaiah. And I was just, like, fascinating. It was like,

it was in that moment when I was like, I got to do a sports documentary. You know, before the year of it, I had to do a sports documentary because this is just, You know, just the dynamic of it is fascinating to me. You know, I grew up at the garden,

and some of the craziest things I saw, you know, it was such a huge thing to me to be a little boy and to go see a Nick game, you know, or a concert. But one of the fucking worst things I ever seen was one night at the garden. There was a riot because the Knicks didn't cover the spread. Right? But they said it last night. They said it.

Oh, there was one time where the garden, the only people would go to the garden were gamblers. But this was a little early than my time. When I went, I was maybe like 12. We all went on a Tuesday night. Like, Lee, what are you doing today? Let's go over the bridge. Tell your mom we're going to go see a movie. In those days, you lied

to your mom, and we went to the garden. And we'd go catch three quarters. For $10, five bucks, we'd stub our way in and get shitty tickets. And it was just amazing. They fucking made a free throw. And I guess they didn't cover by the hook. It was like eight and a half. And I had no idea.

I had no idea, Billy. I'm just sitting there going, what the fuck? And all of some of these people started getting up going, fuck you. And I'm like, the next one, fuck them. They didn't cover it. I don't even know what the terminology was. They started ripping the seats and throwing them into the court. And it was brilliant.

You know, and that was, it was New York. I was there one time, my buddy Didi Contaro. We went to see somebody. Oh, no, that was a different place. Anyway, same fuck. But listen, the Boston Garden had that pizzazz. Every time I went to the Boston Garden, there was a little bit of fucking drama.

Those white fucking people up there were crazy. You know, when you went to the old forum in L.A. I don't even know what was in Miami before the Heat Stadium. The Orange Bowl. We had the Orange Bowl. The Miami Marine Stadium was pretty cool, but not as old as the Orange Bowl, which was home to countless Super Bowls,

NCAA National Championships. It's where the Cuban exiles gathered to hear Kennedy give a speech about the Bay of pigs, failed invasion of Cuba. It's where refugees went in part after the Marial boat lift, in addition to, of course, those tent cities under the highway that you saw depicted in Starface. It's where, obviously, the Miami Dolphins played. It's where Black Sunday, the famous Black Sunday scene, you know, the Super Bowl scene took place. It's where, I mean, it was just... It's where Miami played the San Diego charges.

Tour there, I think, like, 86, 85. I was at that concert with Jackson 5. They did that huge reunion. Victory tour. The highest grossing tour of all time. Victory tour. And they, yeah, victory tour. And they tore it down to build the Marlins Park boondoggle.

They tore down. literally a piece of Mimey history and we're a pretty young city so we don't have a lot of pieces symbols or emblems of our of our history of hell the city of Miami Beach is just turning a hundred and having its centennial next year so it's a pretty young place down here and so we don't have places you know that are that are steeped in stories and where you where you could say like you did I went as a kid you know when when when the garden was big and then you grow up and it's a little bit smaller but it's still the garden, and you still have those memories,

and you could take, you know, subsequent generations and young people there and go, let me tell you about my story here. We heard a story when we did this VH1 miniseries, The Tanning of America, One Nation Under Hip-H-hop. We heard the story from Reverend Run and Russell Simmons and Rick Rubin about they had a, they were doing, everyone in she was headlining, like the first major duty

rap on national tour and they were of course they had a show at the garden and they are they have seen

something really incredible happen and that was the sale of this very obscure European shoe which had a tiny market share in America was getting beat by Reebok

Nike the works, and all of a sudden there was just uptick in the inner city and urban communities of this shoe called Adidas. And Russell Simmons, in his genius, calls up an executive at the company and says, listen, I want you to come to Madison Square Garden, run the MC has a show, I want you to see this, and this executive, you know, this like, you know, this blonde-haired, blue-eyed, white executive comes from Europe to the garden and is watching, sitting with Russell,

watching Run D.NC. perform. They get to the song, My Adidas. And Reverend Run throws his shoe in the air. You know, holds his shoe up in the air like a lighter at a college. And the next thing you know, 18, 20, 25,000 kids

on the floor of the garden hold up their Adidas sneaker. along with the band rocking out to the song and by the time Run DMC came off the stage Adidas and Russell Simmons had done a million dollar contract

the first ever rap endorsement deal in the history of hip-hop music needless to say it was the first of what would be many billions of dollars worth of deals but that was a very first deal done with Run DMC

and Adidas right there in Madison Square Garden. And what year was that? 86, I think. Let me tell you something. I was busting Adidas from 75 to about 77. And then they made my feet too stinky. In those days, it made your feet smell like Bacala.

And then once Julius Irving, I swear to God, and one Julius Irving busted out the limousine for the foot, there was no reason to wear my Adidas no more. As a matter of fact, right now on my feet, I have Adidas. and at the house I have two pair of Adidas that I run with and I have one pair in a box that I order from Amazon because they deliver it right to my house three days later. I don't live without my fucking Adidas

but that's because I'm a kid from the 70s. And you couldn't get you sneakers. And I can't get you sneakers. Well, that's what Russell Simmons said. He said, my Adidas was a love song. It was a love song that they wrote to their sneakers. That's what it was. What's going on today in Miami with the Qaeda?

Billie Corbyn. Break it down for me. What am I walking into this weekend at the home field sports bar and grill? What am I walking into? I'm going right to the heart. Are you going? You're performing in Kendall. You're going down south. This is why you're on the phone today.

We're promoting Miami. This is all Miami weekend, baby. I'm going right to the heart where it all started, where they sold the first kilo of cocaine in 1961 and figured out, we could do this every week. We could do this every week. So I'm in Kendall. top, you're going to kick.

That's the new Miami improv, right? Yeah. The new location. That's what they're doing until they open it up. I have to go pick up my Santa Ria stuff. When I was a kid, I made Santo. And when my mother died, I went to live with Italians. I couldn't bring the fucking Santa Ria stuff with me.

This is a true story. So we gave it to Martin the Fag. He was a drug dealer. I was a friend of my mother's. Martin the Fag lived in the neighborhood so I could always visit the Saints and then live with my life. then once I got old enough, I would take the Saints.

This is 1979, 1989, 1980. One day while I'm over there with the Saints, I look over and there's a bindle, there's a baggie, and I open up the baggie, and this motherfucker got two, three ounces hidden in the Saints. And I'm like, look at this motherfucker, sell him below. So I came back that night or two days later, and I robbed Martin the Fagg, and I never went back and got my Saints. I did a podcast for some company, and I swear to God, I never went back to Martin the Fag's house.

When I see my stepdad, he gave me some of my saints that he had, but I still had a big chunk at Martin the Faggs House. I don't know what happened tomorrow. I went back to Jersey. I asked around, they said his brother killed himself in a jail cell and the rest of them moved to Miami. Whatever the fuck. I get a Twitter from a lady, and she goes,

hey, you're my husband's grand... My husband's whatever grandmother's Santa Ria's son. She died, but we have your stuff. This all happened on Twitter, 35 fucking years later. I didn't know. So I'm going to Miami Thursday to pick up my stuff, and then I'll perform Friday and Saturday, and I come back Sunday. Well, people probably are not familiar with this,

because it's a Caribbean religion, and it's most prominent in America, if you can call it that down here in Miami. You know, they say the great thing about Miami is that it's so close to America, which I think is true. And Santoria is this mystical religion where you go to stores called Botanicas, which I know you're familiar with, Botanicas, which are predominantly in Hyaliyah and West Kendall and the more Cuban neighborhoods of South Florida. And at Botanicas, they are, you can buy the religious, of course, artifacts, but they're also pet stores.

because one of the tenets of the religion involves animal sacrifice, particularly of goats and chickens. And so, which I don't believe is legal, but they still have these like bootleg, you know, black market or gray market botanicus all over, particularly the Hyalian neighborhood, where you can buy this stuff, including the candles and the idolatry, the different gods, depending on what you're looking to accomplish. Chang Go is one of the most popular.

He's the god of fire and lightning. He's one of the more popular gods because you know you pray for him not to strike you with fire or lightning, but strike your enemies. And famously, you would see during the Miami River Cops, which is the biggest, we talked about the cocaine cowboys reloaded, the biggest police corruption scandal in the history of America since the Serpico era in New York. And during the trial of the Miami River cops who were, I think, entirely Cuban, these were police officers who were running a cocaine organization from inside the Miami Police Department. They were basically, they weren't good cops gone bad. They were bad guys who became cops because they had relaxed the entry.

You had the hiring standards because they needed a federal judge. They needed more fucking Latin. They needed more Cubans to fucking, so they hired anybody. They didn't even look at their juvenile records. It was brilliant. And you had guys who literally, you're right, were part of Cuban street gangs that became cops, created their own cocaine extortion, sale and murder racket

from inside the Miami Police Department, and you wind up having dozens and dozens and dozens of police officers arrested, indicted, flipping on each other, testifying against the other. And you would find every day of the trial, the maintenance staff at the courthouse in Miami, the criminal courthouse, would have to show up early to clean the courthouse steps

where there would be just a ton of Santa Maria little stations, you know, little, where they would have blood and bones and candles and these statues, the saints, And they would have to clean up these little prayer. I didn't even know what the hell to call them, but they were trying to put a curse on the prosecution and trying to help the Miami River cop defendants who had murdered drug dealers and taken, stolen their cocaine to sell it themselves. And they were just like these little shrines, I guess.

And this is just what we do. I've always wanted to do, get this. I'm going to pitch it to you right now. Now, a reality show about a Cuban, a multi-generational Cuban family in Miami that owns a botanica called Chango Unchained. I like it. That's my pitch. I don't know if TLC will buy it. Probably not Bravo.

But somebody will buy that. That's a great idea. Just what goes on the botanica every fucking day. So you can just go in and buy a goat like it's on the street to Miami. You know, they got a no certain. people. Jesus. You know, you got to really,

I remember when I was a kid, you had to go to Marlborough in New Jersey and drive at night to get the animals so the cops wouldn't see you with the animals and your fucking station wagon and shit. It's really weird what Santa Ria became. That's not what it really is. I mean, even Noriega had it in his house,

and that's what I saw it becoming in my house. It became, it was something beautiful in the beginning, and then it became protection for these people who were fucking evil people, but it wasn't there for. fault. It was the people taking their money. And all those people fucking end up bad. All those people, all that shit is just bad. It's just bad news. I do it for health. I do it for enlightenment. You know, I liked the stories when I was a child about Chang'o.

Chango is very strong, but he's fucking nuts. So to calm him down, they made me go back a lot. Because Chango people are nuts. Joe Rogan's a Chango guy. He's very, you know, he trembles. It could go down. So those type of people, you put Obatala on them to calm them to fuck down like me. You know, you have to put Obatala on him to calm him to fuck down. He's an old saint. But there's a variation of Obatala that's a Yaguna, and he's a warrior. He's the one that was cutting heads off in China and shit like that. And he's the only one that could use gunpowder in his rituals.

And they asked him, how come there's always fucking problems when you're around? And he answered something about. about war, there's change. To make change, you must have a war. Sometimes that's his statement. So it's fucking crazy, but I'm just happy to reconnect with this. You want to have a good show. We'll spill a little blood on the front steps of the improv,

and it'll go well. But you are traveling into the belly of the beast. I mean, you normally, when you come into town for a show, don't go that far south. I mean, you will literally be closer to Cuba, than to any other state in the U.S. when you go, when you travel down to southwest Miami-Dade, and it's just like, if all the excitement went down,

there was a map, I'll never forget it, there was a map in the Miami Herald decades ago, of all of the property that had been seized by the DEA in South Florida through the cocaine Cowboys era. The DEA, they owned luxury car dealerships. They owned restaurants. They owned a recording studio. They owned, you name it, they owned countless private houses, residential houses,

from, you know, working class, single-family homes to gorgeous mansions on the water and cocoa plum, which they actually, the DEA nicknamed cocaine plum in the Coconut Grove area. That was a neighborhood that Tony Montana's house was inspired by. But you're going down to the belly of the belly of it. You were going down to like Southwest where they had famously named back in the 80s. They named the street. Leomar Parkway, after a guy, a popular local Cuban developer, Leonel Martinez, he had built major like suburban, you know, subdivisions, communities and houses and neighborhoods.

And so they named the street. Leomar Parkway. Leomar was the name of his real estate company. and within, I don't know, two, three years, not even, of naming the street after him, just right by the improv. He was indicted for marijuana, cocaine, smuggling, and murder. And they very quietly took the name off of the street sign very shortly after his indictment. But we've got that all over, that kind of stuff all over Miami.

It just happens to down there in the southwest is where it all goes down. Now, let me hear, how far will I be from, like, monkey jungle? I want to get to 130th and 100th Avenue up there. How far will I be? Well, you want to get to, you probably go to the Coral Castle, which is, like, awesome. Carole Castle is like this big, mysterious castle built out entirely out of coral. They call it Miami Stonehenge,

because nobody really knows how this one guy by himself, this one like meek kind of small elderly guy built this whole house and moved all these giant pieces of coral you'll be a little closer to coral castle the monkey jungle monkey jungle is way way is way the hell south that's why i grew up that's when i grew up in miami those years where i'd go down there my uncle developed that area uh 100th avenue and 130th street or the other way around i would go down there as a child when they were alligators on the streets and he would plow them It would be nothing. It would be jungle.

And he would fucking go down there with a bulldozer, and they would do the whole fucking thing from scratch. Lizards everywhere. And he would build one house, and then he would move in there, and then he would make four duplicate homes. And after he'd sell those, he'd go to a different street. It was, that's where I used to spend.

I got news for you. There's still alligators roaming the street. Oh, God. Oh, my God. What, yesterday. It's still pretty secluded. Yeah, it has been well developed, but, you know, post-Hurricane Andrew, because Country Walk was down that way in Homestead, and that was the development that was

being devastated. Yeah, I mean, Homestead was decimated after Hurricane Andrew. Yes, because he had a move to. The Country Walk area, which is, yeah, just north. Country Walk is just north of where that is. So that was ground zero for Hurricane Andrew. Right, because they had a move. That neighborhood has certainly come back 20 years.

later, but it's still, I mean, you know, it's got a real kind of dark mark against it. And the monkey gungles right by Zoo Miami, which is the old Metro Zoo. It's now called Zoo Miami. That's the new hip thing, is to like, you know, say what it is and then put Miami. You know, like there was a, like, the historical museum of Miami is now called History, Miami. So, like, Metro Zoo is now called Zoo Miami. but there's a piece of property right next to Zoo Miami called University of Miami South Campus.

It's never really been very active as a campus for the University of Miami, but back in the day, it was the home of what they called J.M. Wave. That doesn't mean anything. It's just CIA speak. It was the largest CIA station in the world outside of their headquarters in Langley, Virginia, and that's where they ran all anti-Castro covert ops out of the University of any South

campus because back in the late 50s, early 60s, the CIA was one of, if not the single largest employer in our county back in that day. They had fake, you know, they had front businesses, fake businesses. They employed all of the Cuban exiles who were willing to take up arms and go back and invade Cuba and overthrow Castro, and all of that went out of this operation, J.M. Wave right by monkey jungle and right next to Metro Zoo. And they were training in Elliott T. and down in the secret bases in the Everglades, which are very now, the longer secret we now are aware of where they,

where they were and what they were up to all these decades later. But an interesting way that Miami has evolved into, you know, into white-collar crime, you know, from, like, from drug, you know, covert international intrigue to drug smuggling to now the home of Medicare fraud, Ponzi schemes, real estate scams. So now that property, which it was discovered by the federal government, contains endangered forest land. It contains an extremely rare, nearly extinct species of butterflies that exist apparently nowhere else. and the University of Miami sold it

secretly to a developer to build a Walmart to pave over to pave over this land that the University of Miami was donated for free by the federal government to use for academic and research purposes they secretly sold it

in a deal that they finagled with the county, the corrupt county commission to repurpose and rezone what should be an academic village and a research area for these rare species of plants and endangered species of plants and wildlife and they're going to

build a fucking Walmart there. If that doesn't, and that's the University of Miami President Donna Shalala just running a real estate hustle. If that is not just like symbolic of Miami in that area, I don't know what is. Fuck the butterflies. Fuck them. That's

they just said fuck the butterflies were taking a check from Walmart. You're like a walking MSNBC. Billy, just buy MSNBC, Billy. This is a fucking interesting shit. One last question, Billy. What the fuck is up with Governor Christie? What's that doucheback doing this day?

Of all the scandals that have engulfed this man, I think the situation with, now, wait, are we talking about Governor Christie or Governor Christ? Which was... The one in fucking Jersey. The one in Jersey. Yesterday, he said something by minimum wage. You posted something.

That goes... I have to ask. Because we have our own governor problems down here in Florida in case you haven't noticed. But we have an option, this election that is just... It makes me... Every time I see it, it makes me sad. I'm just chugging pepidlop right out of the bottle, you know? And...

But, Christy, I think this situation with the penitial... is devastating. I mean, this is a scandal beyond scandals. I mean, while the people of New Jersey suffer, he's been generating billions of dollars in revenue for Wall Street and for people connected to him that donate to him. I mean, this is transparent corruption on par with the best and worst of New Jersey. So it shouldn't, what do I always say? It's about Florida. You can say the same thing about Jersey, I always say, Florida rarely shocks me, but regularly disappoints me. So I'm not shocked anymore, but I do get really, really kind of disappointed at what politicians are willing to do, especially in such a transparent transaction. But Christy, I mean, literally has, you know,

put all the bridge bullshit aside, all the other kind of strong. long-armed mafioso nonsense that I understand maybe a big deal to the folks up there. But this pension situation and this Wall Street deal, investing the state's money, the way that they have, is really just despicable. And the most blatant and depressing kind and depraved and cynical kind of corruption, mastering is as state business. And I mean, this is the problem, though, is that we have the same situation down here in Florida.

Like, who the hell are you going to vote for? That becomes the problem because the other team is because somehow miraculously in this country, despite the fact that, you know, we talked about this before, as Americans, we would never walk into an ice cream shop that had less than 20 or 30 flavors to choose from, even though we're only going to buy one, two, or three.

somehow in this country, it's been accepted that we have two political parties. And so every election season, it's just like color war at Sleepaway Camp. They wave around shiny objects and controversial issues that have nothing to do with anything to distract us and to get us to really vote against one side rather than for another. And then we're left with options like Charlie Chris versus Rick Scott down here in Florida, which unfortunately, one of the candidates is so bad, we really have no choice at all. And that's what's happening up in New Jersey.

I mean, the bar has sunk so low with respect to their leadership and politicians that it's like people almost prefer the devil they know rather than the devil they don't. I say, in order to clean up New Jersey, there's only one answer. Chango. Vote Chango. I love you. The only time I could ever correct you is on this,

the same thing is happening nationwide. We're voting for people that both sides are fucking worthless. Absolutely. It happens with national. I mean, presidential way. I mean, everybody was fucking worthless. And I can't vote. I got felonies.

Will you be around? Will you answer the phone on Saturday if I call you? Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss you for the world. You want to get a burger or something? You got a nice place to go get a burger in the afternoon, Saturday. I'll drive up somewhere. Yeah, we'll go out.

get a goat. Perfect. I don't eat goat, but we'll take it to a Greek's house, and they'll marinate it, and we'll fucking sprinkle some butterflies on it, and we'll rock the fucking house. I love you, cocksucker. When is the movie?

Come out? 12, 13, 14, at 9 p.m. on ESPN. You got a bunch of stuff going on, and I'll drop it on here as it goes long. Don't forget the vote Amendment 2. If you're in Miami, people need your fucking help. Absolutely. Support Billy. I love you, Billy.

Thank you very much for calling in. I know you're busy with these films. See you soon. I love you. Thank you. What's up with you, Cocksucker? What's Amendment 2? Riefer.

Look at the shape. I'm super stone. Perfect. People, because I was high yesterday from Monday, and people keep asking me the milligrams, and all I keep saying is Joey says everything's 33. These are 12 milligrams. Probably 500.

I'm not eating any more of this. Let me eat it. This is the best, wasn't it? This is a little pound cake they gave us today. It's a new chef. Oh, my gosh. It's a tremendous shit. Look at it.

It didn't hit until he started talking. That's what it usually hits when people are talking. They're sitting there like a moment. Line up gin and juice. Let me give some shout-outs to my girl. Vanilla Keisha. Vanilla. Bob Lemgis.

I love you. Thank you for the presents. John Dodson. My main man, Malcolm Riddle, who showed up to Baltimore. Representative State for two shows. I love that guy. He's going to come out of him on the podcast. Salvatore Lucania, your bad cock sucker.

My man, Duff. The Man with the Wolves, and Chad Thomas. Thank you very much for fucking listening and always giving us love. Put some music on a cocksucker here. Oh shit. It's Wednesday, cox suckers. Shine your shoes. Ain't nobody going to give you dick today.

Polish that fucking gun and get ready, baby. Oh shit, what? Oh shit. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Lee, wiggle for me. Will you cocksucker? Shake those tities. Oh shit. Oh shit.

With so much drama in the LBC. Oh, shit. Miami this week, Halloween, 1029, the same not as Iries thing. We're at the ice house for a live podcast. Oh, shit. The church in the motherfucking house on a Wednesday morning. Clicking it, flicking it, flicking it, stopping it. The flag is all that matters, motherfucker.

Huh. And I got a pocket full of rubbers and my home boys do too Kill the fucking music What am I, DJ easy. I thought we were done for a second We ain't fucking going nowhere, cuck, sucker. Party's just getting started. You're talking about La Hai

was going to give you room in El Central. And the fucking thing had mice and shit. I ain't got time for fucking La Hire. Forget about Lahai right now. It's a beautiful day. We're moving on to bigger and better things. Yeah, we're doing a... I'm really proud of Ari.

I talk to Ari every fucking day. And it's amazing. He's doing this special. He's... he's learning about networks and censors. And it's fucking with his, you know, it's fucking, it fucks with everybody. Nobody likes to get,

we were starting this conversation on the night when Nick was here. How crazy is Nick Tatura. Oh. It's interesting to talk to, though. He's a fucking nut. I love him. I love him. He was,

everybody hungry. He made everybody hungry. He knows all about that pizza and shit. I go to New York. I ain't got time to hunt down pizza. Look at the fucking seismic. But it's really weird how you get a fucking seismic. I need pizza.

Nobody hunts down a fucking pineapple or an apple. Nobody says, do you go to the Bronx? I got this fucking apple up there. Look at the size of me. Look at the size of me. Yeah, I'm going to hunt down a pizza. Maybe if I fucking run to the Bronx and back, I'll fucking go eat pizza.

Anyway, it's a beautiful day, man. I'm happy. Oh, so Ari. I'm very happy about Ari. That's it. I know it's sold out. If you're not doing anything, we're doing a live podcast.

And then what I'm going to do next is November. 29th, I'm going to start workshopping a one-man show. I'm going to put all the testicles together and write some new fucking material that I already have outlined. And I'm putting it all together. I'm going to have Willie Barcena. Maz Jabrani's going to direct it. And we're really going to try to put something together.

So I'm going to start workshopping that every other month. That's cool. And then New Year's Eve, we're doing the Ice House. But we're doing stand-up and a podcast. And we're out of there by 10 o'clock so people could go home and do whatever the fuck they want. I don't believe in having people out of the fucking midnight. Go home.

Come to the show, drive home, get a grandma blow, sticking on your wife's asshole, and suck the ju-ju juice out of that fucking muffler. That's it. That's New Year's a new year. Sure, what are you going to do? Stan? Ha-ha-ha. I just watch the ball drop in the whole hand.

Suck my dick. Fucking sit here like a fucking moron and wants some fucking ball drop. I got resolutions to take care of. You know what I'm saying? The fuck. What's up with you? So you're going to get all high now. Your mother-in-law's going to come see, your high ball.

You want to eat another piece? I got a Cheebatoo. No, God. A light one. It's just a 70 milligram. That's not true. A 70 milligram. True.

We'll split it. Oh, no. I'll only give you 20. How'd eat 50. How's that? No. I gotta get primed. I got a big fucking day.

I'm going to the park with the baby. I'm going to hang out. I'm going to work out. I'm going to write a little bit today. That's my fucking day. What else was you asked for? I got to talk to these cock suckers. Yeah.

We had Billy Corbid on today. We talked about commitment towards your fucking job. And listen, it's true. you got to live and die for what you believe from you got to live and die for your job. If you're going to do anything part-time, you're not going to get the great results. No.

You know, and I know that with Jiu-Jitsu. You know, I don't have that time, and I don't have that fucking... I wish I could go four times a week. I'd be a fucking killer. But I go when I can, and that's the most important thing. I went twice this week.

Monday, I went to 10th planet with salami up in Van Nuys, and yesterday I went down to Higgins with Dave, and it was fucking great. Yesterday I got beat up a little bit. I feel a little sore today. He worked me hard, But that's what I'm supposed to do, dog.

What the fuck? Nothing happens on that fucking couch. That's what I'm trying to say to you. You understand? I feel you. I think I might take today off from the gym for the first time. Just just have to go with the microphone and her mom looking for apartments. I haven't taken a day off this month, so I don't.

So it's a... Where's this apartment that you're looking for? In the Valley, she's looking all over. So they just want to get out of Englewood. I don't blame them. That's a fucking shooting gallery down there. I know. It was scary on Sunday

Was it? Oh God, there was like a four or five of them Like they usually hang out on the corner But then there were like four or five of them Like right around where I had to drop her off But it's still funny to talk to Because her mom's lived there for like 20, 30 years So like she'll be walking home with groceries

And these gangbangers will like Help her with her groceries Like apparently a lot of them are just really cool And like Paula was even talking about it About how like a lot of them It's just like they're good people a lot of times, and anytime something bad happens, it's kind of like collateral damage.

Like, it wasn't intended. Like, the gangs, it's not great, but it's, they have honor. Yeah. It's a social economic thing. And some of them do stupid things, and some of them do, you know, some of them sell nickel bags. Yeah. And they try to make, whatever the fuck.

You know, I don't know what it is. I don't know. I was never part of a gang. So I don't know the commitment. I never wanted to be part of a fucking gang. No. When I was a kid that were the raw javelins, They were the little boys.

Remember I tell you the story about the little boys? How they got together and drank. I never got it. I remember how it was big to have, like, mafia contacts when I was a kid. Like, it was always good to know people in the mob and shit like that. It's great to know people in the mob until they take your fucking money. And they will take your fucking money. They will take your fucking money.

And that's part of the other reason why I left Jersey, because I didn't want my money taken. I didn't want to sell drugs, make $5,000 and have to give somebody $3,000 a week for protection. They'll shake you down, man. And they shake you down the way that they make you feel like family. You imagine making $30,000 a week and giving somebody $15? Just giving somebody $15 just so you can be part of their fucking group. No.

And as an associate. And once you give them 15, you can't give them an unbleau for 10 because they'll ask you what happened to my other five. Yeah. Do you understand me? So you're thinking you're getting, in with them, and then milking you fucking dry. Jesus.

So, and then they put you on a Vig. You know, that was my big problem with the mob that I learned early on. I learned it with the heist I did. I did this little heist one time for money, and I got, and I got shaken down. But the one with the jewelry store was when they really came to me, and they go, we'll give you the whole fucking thing, give us $10,000, but you'll have a friend with us, and then the more you do these, we'll all take a little bit of money. If anything should happen, if anything should happen, you're not going to bail me out.

You're all going to run from me. because I'm hot. What are you talking about? So I'm just going to give you money every fucking week. Just like that. That's what you want. No, I wasn't doing that. I was no fucking way, man.

I didn't want to be an associate to anybody. So when I was a kid, they'd come to you and they go, listen, if you want to run with me, you can run and use my fucking name, but you've got to kick something up from time to time. And they find out everything. They find out fucking everything. If you're selling drugs, they want it.

So that was my whole thing. I didn't want to be part of nothing that took half my money. You want dues? I give you a couple dollars. I'll kick in for rent at the fucking clubhouse. But I'm not going to fucking give you half my salary just to say I'm running with you guys. To do what?

So I go to clubs and ball? No, fuck you. I'm a fucking listen. When you're born in this world, you're born on a biblical cord. Once they cut that fucking thing, you don't belong to nobody no more. You know that?

That's how real it is. You don't belong to nobody no more. You have options after that. I mean, you don't know you're half retarded. You're sitting there looking up trying to suck a tit. What the fuck do you? you know, but you got options. You know, you got to fucking hang out.

Once they cut that in biblical cord, you ain't part of nothing. You ain't part of that gang no more. Yesterday I went to the park and there's, uh, you got options. There's, uh, and Lou, I know you're going to break my balls. I went to the park yesterday and there's a little kid who plays with my daughter. And my wife hangs out with the mom, you know, once a week. She's a big shot in marketing, but they get along.

She's from Chicago and a hug. as a writer and this little boy, you know, I've taken a liking to him. Whenever I go over there, I play with him. I pick him up, I rough him up, you know, and he's adopted. And yesterday I went to the park, and he showed up, you know, with his babysitter, and I play with him. He came over and hugged Terry, but he really hugged me. Like, Terry and the babysitter, like, what's going on in?

And then he would pick me up and make me play with him, and I played with him, and I was looking at him. He's adopted. You know, they had to put in paperwork to adopt him, and I think he's Spanish. but he's a beautiful beautiful little boy I mean he's just beautiful beautiful I picked him up and made him hold the bars

to do pull-ups and I pushed him up he's stronger and fucked he's not even two yet he's gonna be two December 5th you know and I hugged him and last night I was sitting there thinking I wonder what his mom would feel like right now she saw him like what would you think

like what a shame that the mom I don't know what her situation was I don't know the real story but she had to give him up you know and he's a healthy, beautiful big boy. And I live with something similar to that, not seeing my daughter, but at least I was there. I seen what she was. I talked to her until she was 13, 14.

This is completely different. Like, I never understood the doubt that woman would have. Like, she doesn't know what she gave up. She gave up a beautiful little fucking boy, you know. And he's healthy and he's happy, and he doesn't know what's going on. I speak to the husband a lot because he's a great writer. He has a couple TV shows, and his parents are 88 and 91. And he goes, they were really sick until we adopted this child.

And once we adopted this child, they've gotten better. Their blood pressure has gone down. Their health is better. Don't go to the doctor as much. So it's amazing how one person is suffering, and this child is bringing joy to somebody else. It's just amazing. I think kind of fucked up having to give her kid up.

Luckily, I never have to do that. But you don't know what the circumstances are before we judge. I don't know if she got raped. I don't know if she did anything bad. I don't know if she was a drug addict. I don't know if she just one day you said, you know what, this is too much for me to be a mom.

Oh, no, I was just saying like from their point of you, like having a kid and just knowing you're not ready for it and making that decision to like give it up. That's crazy. Well, end on that. Listen, I love you, cocksuckers.

We'll be back Monday night. What? We have some nature box and. No, we're not over yet. I'm just telling you motherfuckers that I love you, people. We'll be back Monday night next Wednesday night, live at the ice house, and then we're going to do one Thursday afternoon.

Okay. And so whatever. We got to do three fuck. What are you? What are you okay in me? I'm talking to them, you fuck. I'm not talking to them. Okay, I'm not talking to you. Okay, I'm not talking to them, Cucksucker, look at you. Seven in the morning, you're high, you're ready, you're giggling. What the fuck is up with you? Let me give a big shout out to my sponsors. One of my

favorite people on it and Aubrey down there and Joe Ruh. I love on it. I fucking love on it. You're right. I have taken strong bone every day I took two of them this morning I'll take two of them tonight and they're tremendous the hemp horse I'm going back on it Monday I don't like taking the hemp force a couple days before I fly like last week I blew a tremendous Ebola fart this week it smelled like Ebola what a bowler would smell like after somebody dies that's how bad the fart smell I love on it I love on it with all my

heart I really do I've taken vitamins all my life and these aren't vitamins or supplements it's it makes you the best you could be. You know, I take my alpha brains, I drink my hemp force protein when I'm drinking protein all the time, which I'm going to start again on Monday because I'll be on a regular schedule. The shroom tech sport, the shroom tech immune is very important in the wintertime now if you travel or if you're going to gyms and all this shit. Listen, go to honor.com. See what they got to off you read, read. They have a money-back guarantee on alpha brain. Then they take your fucking money. You read all these things about vitamins and supplements.

Supplement companies, trust me, you go on AlphaBrain, you will feel a fucking difference, or you get your money back. No bullshit. Go to On It, read what they got, what they got available. I can only get your 10% off on the minerals and the supplements. On the weights and the kettlebells and stuff, you're on your own, cuck, sucker. But go to Onet.com, read what they have. See what suits you.

Press. Church. In the box. C-H-U-R-C-H and get 10% off your first order. You go to Joey Diaz.net and click the box. Either way, you get 10% off when you go on the stay-on-it program, which they mail it directly to your house on the first of every month you get an additional 10%

work with me on this one. Go to honor.com today see what they have to offer you. Number two, again, uh, I don't like fucking around with bullshit. Naturebox.com ain't bullshit. I got two words for you, cocksuckers. Free, free and freer, all right? They have healthy

delicious snacks. Why are you going to that fucking little window thing with potato chips and fucking twigs and shit? I mean, don't get me wrong. When you smoke three or four numbers, they ain't bad with some sour cream fucking potato chips. But then you got to do an extra 10 push-ups or you got to eat ass for an extra 15 minutes.

Fuck that shit. Eat healthy in the new year. Go to naturebox.com. Pressing the code word. Joey. Joey, J-O-E-Y and get your free box sampler. Just get it. They give you three little bags and one fucking big bag.

So the Syracchi, out-hot cashews, they're either going to give you the pistachio nuts or the nom-noms, the chocolate noms, or the cocoa almonds, or the coconut almonds, or the raspberry wheat. Anything that they have, the little coin things you like, I'm not fucking with you.

Give them a shot one time. Just do this. They're offering you something for free. You can't beat that. Go to Naturebox.com and press in. Joey. Joey, J-O-E-Y, and get a free box in to your house. And after that, I think it's 50% off your first order anyway.

Go to NatureBox.com. The nutritionist approved. Eat healthy. You know, they say you are what you eat. Go to NatureBox.com today. The other company I love is Mi-Undi's. I go to Jiu-Jitsu. I put Mi-Undi's on.

I walk around. I got Miondi's on right now. I don't even know I got undies on. That's how comfortable. If I stick my hand in my nutsack and take a whiff, they're going to smell just how they smell when I came out of the shower this morning. Like dick.

No, minty fresh, like Irish spring. You know why? Because Miondi's has a special absorbing cotton that pulls the stuff out. Why are you fucking walking around with seven-year-old underwear but holes in them and skid marks walking around like a pig,

you fucking filthy cock sucker? Go to Miondi's. Right now. They're shipping for free in the United States in Canada and on your first order they'll give you 20% off on women and men's beautiful fucking undies t-shirts

I wear the shirt yesterday the little of shirt it's like a it's like a company that sells all that shit under a rash guard their shirt I took it to Jiujitia yesterday fucking tremendous I got a gray one and I got a black one I'm not fucking with you go to meundis dot com and save

what do they save now they save? Oh they save 20% 20% off your first order and they got free shipping anywhere in Canada or the U.S. Go to meandis.com. What are they pressed in the box? Joey. Joey, J-O-E-Y, get 20% off your first order, cocksucker. Why are you sitting there with stinky balls and dirty fucking

underwear? Take a chance, Columbus did. Meandes.com. That's right. What are you fucking giggling about, Johnny Giggles? Take a chance. And here we go. Nailed it life. I love you motherfuckers. The vapor pen they make is the best or one of the best on the market. They're always improving

it. They're always doing the technology on it. Dave, these motherfuckers do not fuck around. You understand me? They got t-shirts. They got everything. Go to Naileditlife.com and press in Joey D.N. In the fucking box and get 20% off your paper pen.

If it's a $50 pen, that means you get it for 40. I'm giving you shit today. 20% off me on these. Free at Nature Box, 10% off it on it and fucking Nailed Little Life 20%. Come on, huh? What else you want from me? My fucking blood cuck suckers? And that's it. What else you want me to tell you?

It's Wednesday. You got to do what the fuck you're going to do. Get out there. Take a chance. What the fuck? You're going to sit there. I don't know what to do. I'm 22. Get a gun. Anything works instead of sitting there with that look on your fucking face. I got an email for him. I don't know what to do. I'm going to kill myself. It's a beautiful fucking life. You want to kill yourself. I walk up next to dog shit. I wanted to kill myself every day for fucking eight years.

But I'm still here. Grab your balls. Grab your heart and say, what the fuck is really crack and lacking. I'm part of the church or what's happening now, bitches. We ain't fucking around today. Have a great weekend. We'll be back. Monday at 8 o'clock with the great motherfucking. I don't know who. I'll see you Monday. All right. Bother me then. And go see you in Miami. That's right. At home field sports

and bar grill, tremendous. You're going to have a great time. I'm going to be on fire amongst my Cuban people. And I have good news for you. I checked last night because I felt like this is part of my job now. They serve their wings with blue cheese, not ranch. So you're good. Now that the show is over, don't forget to go to naturebox.com and tie up to get your free sampler box.

of great tasting healthy snacks. Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like barblerckeworn, kettle kernels. Go to naturebox.com slash Joey. That's naturebox.com slash Joey. Show is also sponsored by meundies.com. Go there and check out the men's and women's underwear and they have shirts and socks and pants.

They have a lot of great stuff. Use code word Joey to get 20% off. And right now they have free shipping. What's the problem, we have to be shit in Canada. What you're giggling about? Huh? Go to honor.com.

He's covered church. Look at the shape of you. Oh, my God. How are you going to fucking face the mother-in-law? She's going to come up. The cousin disappeared, right? The cousin's still in my age? Oh, he's back.

He's smoking a crack under a bridge. Look at the shape of his people. You said I got to live with. This is it. This is initiative at his best. How the fuck are you still so stone? That thing didn't even do nothing to me. You ate 10 million years.

No, it did. I'm as tough as nails. Get it together. Cucks. Have a great weekend. Meandis. We ship free to Canada and the United States 20% off. You code word.

Joey. Joey. All right. Anything else. And then for Naillilat.com, Joey Diaz, get 20% off on the premier favorite for Ben. I hate you. You said, what I do?

I told you weren't doing it no more. Just a little peace today. Have a great weekend.