The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #226 - Joey Diaz, Hugh Fitzgerald and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: October 30, 2014

Hugh Fitzgerald, Actor, writer, director and Jiu Jitsu Coach joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. Recorded live on 10/30/2014. Music: Tupac - I'm A Straight Rider Black Sabbath - Snowblind

This show is sponsored by Naturebox. Are you going deep yet? Am I going deep? What do you mean? We're going deep. I don't have a bone much. Last night was... You're flying with fucking deepness. Not read the ads. I'm sorry.

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Support this podcast by ordering a free NatureBox sampler box at NatureBox.com slash Joey. That's right. Totally free naturebox snacks are found at naturebox.com slash Joey. This show is also sponsored by Onit.com. Go there to get Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shrm Tech, Immune, Shrame Tech Sport. There's a guy at the show last night

who had a great Onet shirt on, so they must have shirts. Go there and use Code Word Church to get 10% off of any of those great products. This show is also sponsored by Me Undies. com. Go there and check out the picks of all the different styles of underwear they have and for girls they have hot looking boy shorts. If you go to meetundies.com slash joey, that's meundies.com slash joey. You're going to get 20% off of your first order and right now they're making it even better by giving you free shipping in the United States and Canada. So that's meundies.com slash joey.

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What? Wednesday. Thursday. October 30 It's the original devil's night Tonight Fuck that trick-a-treat That's for little punky kids tomorrow

Real gangsters go out on Thursday night With eggs and socks Full of flowers And guns And fucking slingshots And dead animals Oh shit What are you sneaking over that, Lee?

Our amazing guest and friend Hugh brought me my Top 10 favorite fat snacks Nutty bars What's in them? They're like, peanut butter, kick cat sort of things. Jesus, Chris. Oh, my God.

It's magical. You're going to eat those on the plane, aren't you? Cocksucker. I'm going to bring one pack because I actually, my dad thought I was joking with him this morning because I'm bringing gym stuff. I checked the hotel in Vermont has a gym. So I'm bringing gym stuff. Sure. Because I can't let this weekend kill me. So when I told him, he started laughing. It's like, no, you're not. He thought I was joking because I've never done the gym for this. This is the longest I've ever gone to the gym. So, but I'm going to bring, I can't turn down these. These are, I. I could kill, if I was high, I could kill this entire box.

Well, aren't you lucky you're not high today. God granted salvation on your soul after last night. After last night, yes. That was fun last night. That was a lot of fun last night. That was really fun last night. Thank you to everybody who came out. But I wish, you're going to have to get one of those cars with the Wi-Fi that are coming out now.

Because that drive home was possibly the funniest time I ever had with you. I haven't laughed that hard since going to be. on non-seaside with your buddies when you don't pay for the toll. You just go right through the fucking toll gate and laugh, you're stoned. You don't give a fuck. Oh, yeah.

I got to tell you something, guys. I eat some edibles and I get high. You know, and I giggle last night, I was fucked up. I had doubts about driving the fucking, I was seeing streaks and shit. Yeah, the light were vibrating on stage for me. And I was right there at my caloric intake.

I had like a, like maybe 200 calories left for the day. So I drank water at the club, and then I got an amaretto on milk. why i don't know and that sugar fucking zot me but the time i got home i was good i made some coffee i sat i had ice on my knees and all of a sudden i got hungry as a motherfucker and i killed the banana some raspberries some tangerines and then that didn't hold me down i killed all the little pepperonies my wife i guess was

going to make a pizza that ain't fucking happening and i asked you did all the pepperonies you can't have that stuff in the house you can't have every little fucking circle Then I broke into the babies Captain Pirate Booty Cheese Oh my God, when you're fucking stoned You know, we grew up on cheese, whatever they are And the Wise Label or whatever Cheese Doodles or whatever. The Cheetos.

Oh my God. Cheetos, Doritos. I was sticking them in my mouth. Like, I was breaking them into my fucking mouth. At the end, I had to close the bag, seal it. And they were all over my face. The cats were eating around my feet. You take a full hand and just like shove it towards the mouth.

And then you get that layer, that power-loody layer. I had to fucking brush my teeth. I got thirsty. I had to drink more electrified water. But you know what? I slept. I go, I was falling asleep in a chair. I didn't even make it to Ari's taping.

I'm so fucking embarrassed. You know, I heard it went great. I want to congratulate Ari Shafir on his first one. I was special taped at the comedy store. Yeah. Which is a tremendous feather in your cap. And he fucking earned it if anybody didn't earn it. So he's on his way to Hawaii.

Nice. He's doing a gig down there. There's some little Puerto Rican comedy club in Hawaii. so he's on his way down there. So if you're on the island, look out for fucking Arisha Fiat's a plane that's going sideways and shit like that. It's landing with Yamaka on it. Have you been down there? It's been 30 years.

No, no. But now there's a guy who reached out through John Salami, and John Salami gave me the info, and I gave it to my agent. So I'm going to go down that. It's nice. Why not? Yeah. That was fucking crazy last night. Oh, my gosh.

And we didn't eat that many edibles. Yeah, we had a... It just flowed. It just flowed. We told some great stories last. Oh, my God. That was the best was driving home for anyone who doesn't live in California. The highway, it's really long and straight, but there's big stone concrete barriers.

I think there's sound barriers for the neighborhoods. And that's why I didn't drive. I took an Uber because that highway freaks me out because like the right lane ends a bunch of times. And you were nice and you drove me. But we were just talking. And then all of a sudden you're like, this wall is falling me. I got to get away from this wall. I had to get away from that fucking wall.

You can't control you. So I would have hit that fucking wall. And once you get close to the 170, the wall creeps up on you. People are driving close to me. I thought everybody was a cop. I thought everybody was a fucking cop. I did 70, 65. I mean, I was fucking stone to the gazelles.

You were convinced it was, this is what it was. It was that Mission Impossible van. That's right. It was a mission impossible van. But he was convinced it was a cop. He was like, oh, we're getting pulled over. Yeah, it was Tom Cruise and a bunch of fucking cosmopolitans, whatever. They are.

What do they hang out? Who does he hang out with Tom Cruise there? What's the religion? The Scientologist, Cosmopol. I don't fucking know. But I had my head in my hands. I was like, are we getting pulled over? You're like, I think so.

They pull aside it's a cargo man from Mission Impossible. You never know, though. You never know. You never know. You never know. It can be a bunch of fucking guys in the sons of an American. It's like that scene where you're following. All of a sudden the back doors opened up in those two guys and all blacks in.

And they're fucking suit, shooting at you and whatnot. Oh, goodness. Hugh Fitzgerald in studio today, one of my brothers from fucking Higgins. La Roo. Writer. traditional martial artists, one of the few people that you meet anymore that doesn't want to kill you.

You know, he wants to just spread the love of martial art. We got him up here to talk to us a little bit about writing and his buddies and NYU, right? NYU. Is that where you went to school? I went to Circle and the Square in New York. No shit.

No shit. Yeah, 50th and Broadway. Went to Rutgers before that. Bouncing around Bergen, Bergen Community College. BCC, right? That's right. How did you like Rutgers?

I had a cousin who went there and he loved it. It was good. You know, they had an acting program that was a Meisner-based style of acting that was good. I'd done a lot of method and gone to Lee Strasbourg and all these other places, but buddy of mine said if you really want to learn how to act, go study with his disciple who's under Meisner, William Esper. So they had a great program. I didn't last long there. You know, I was like, I need to get in the city. cut my teeth and kind of figure out life. So applied to schools and got accepted to circle in the square.

And studied writing. That's where I met Dave Mamet, which just changed everything. Was you a professor there? No, he, in the program, you were required to go and volunteer at a theater on your second year. So I just basically headed out, found a Broadway show, walked in and said, hey, I want to work for the theater. And they said, okay, we'll empty the trash cans and go get a coffee. And that's how they did it back then.

And lo and behold, I'm in a small, off-off Broadway theater, walk up the stairs, and Dave Mamet standing in the hallway. Went right up to him when I said, nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about you. We're doing some of your plays at our school. I'd like to talk to you about directing. And he goes, here, kid, here's my address, write to me, and we'll talk. And, you know, everyone's like, no, it's David Mamet. No, he's not going to write you back.

I wrote him, lived in Vermont, wrote me back a week later. And so, whatever I'm in the city, we're going to meet for coffee. And if you listen to me, not say a word, teach you how to direct. That's what happened. That's why I met Joey, essentially. For the first two months that we hung out, we didn't do anything. I met you outside the comedy club and you joked around

and yeah, I mean, that's and it's great because I bet a lot of people in your school, and maybe not even specifically your school, but if the theater said, oh, take out the trash and get the coffee, they're like, oh, well, I'm looking to be assistant stage director

and I don't want to do that, and I want to help with the actual show. Right, and everyone's looking to get on stage and get a role and fast track. But I just, for something told me that if you can had any opportunity to prove yourself to just do it. I love being in that environment. I love being on stage.

You grew up in the theater. You know, it was sort of a, if I was in that environment or on a set, I didn't care what I was doing. It's the one thing, you know, where they always used to say, if you could spend 15 hours a day somewhere and the time flies and it seems timeless, you're in the right place. I could be on a set for 18 hours. It feels like four hours. In the theater for six months and it feels like a month and you wish it would

never end. So I went in there and I got coffee, emptied the trash cans, pen pal with Dave Mamet. I said, I want to learn. You're the best. And he started writing these books. He'd written many, but one of them came out. It was called True and False on the theater and acting. And it changed my entire perspective on the business, the way that I looked at how to craft to screenplay, stage play. Long story short, he comes to L.A. to direct a couple of movies and I move out to Santa Monica and I said Dave I want to learn he goes here sit in that chair and watch what I do watch what that first AD does watch what the second AD does ask questions empty trash cans taught me everything I know everything and that's I don't know

that's a bygone era, but it's still an industry with the apprenticeship still exists to a certain degree where it's based on a handshake and whether or not a guy likes you, not on a resume. You have to go call somebody's agent, then you've got to meet the agent, and you can meet the lawyer, and then you hope somebody gives you a break. They all want to see it. Does a guy show up at 6 o'clock in the morning? Is he on time? Do you have a good attitude?

And does he ask an intelligent question? Sure. Give him a shot. That's how I learned to add him. I went to school for four years and I got the basics and learned how to do some things. But my first job, I was, like I said last week, I was building furniture and stuff. But any downtime I had, I was in the specific editor. I made friends with an editor.

He's not the David Mammon of editing. He's just one of the guys there. And I'd go in there and sit down and I'd be quiet for most of the time. But if he did something, I'd be like, how did you do that? And he would show me. And it's, I wouldn't be anywhere without it. I wouldn't be here without him. But it's really cool that some people do that for you.

Because I'm sure a lot of directors, because I'm just looking at his IMDB now, he's done everything. Yeah. Like, it's amazing that he did that. He was a prize winner, numerous plays, books, movies, TV show, and the most generous, kindest guy I've ever seen on a set in my entire life. From the craft service person to the PA, he knew everyone's name. Please and thank you.

every night he left the set he would go and shake everyone's hand and I thought I'm spoiled here because this is not the norm but there are good honest people out there in this industry I envy you too guys I envy the part of the formality of this I never had the formality of this I took a three-week course on stand-up and I went to a comedy club and applied and they made me the doorman and they made me the doorman and they made me the sound guy in the barback,

and I watched for 90 days, and you know guys like us, we gotta get in there. I had to get in there. I don't know none about books or fucking doing homework or a project or shooting a video, and I got in there.

And I ended up out here years later, and I remember the guy going to me, hey, you're a feature act. You don't make any money. I can't make no money off you. You're going to have to go in for auditions. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

I had done one thing performing arts freshman year. I sang shattered. I lip-sank shattered in front of the improv class. That's it. That's all I knew. I didn't know nothing else. And I'm walking around on Fox a lot. And I'm just in heaven because the best days I have is when I get an audition to walk on a lot.

Because for a guy like me, I would never be a lot on a lot. I walk on a lot and people say hello. I always go get something to eat in a lot, even if I'm not hungry. I'll go get something on the lot just to prove my motherfucking point. I take the long way at the lot. To me, being on a lot is heaven. Yeah. Because I never dreamed of it.

I never even dawned them. I never knew what a lot was when I was watching all my favorite TV shows. So I envy you guys. I wish I would have gone to NYU and learned writing and then became a comedian. But on that note, I came a long way around to realize that I don't think it's something that can be taught. I think as an editor, you're going to learn by doing it and cutting, cutting, cutting, cutting, which is probably the most important part of filmmaking. I think it is.

Editing is the whole thing. It's the whole thing. You could shoot a movie and you could think you're getting one thing, and a good editor come on and turn it into another. You could tell 20 different stories and 20 different edits, and it's powerful. But I don't think it's something that can be taught. I think it's an innate sense. I think it was Ari that was on the show when he was talking about being direct.

for the show that was coming up, and the guy was directing him into a black hole and he was getting frustrated. And there are times when a good director will leave everyone alone. Find your mark, speak up, stand up, look the other actor in the eye and tell the truth. That's quoting from one of Dave's books.

Not to oversimplify it, but it's true because we overcomplicate everything. People want to justify their paycheck and move us around and do the lights and fancy. All that matters is the punch. And either you understand how to entertain an audience or you don't. Or you don't. Or you don't.

And like you've said many times, it took you a long time to figure that out. But it's the guys that come up from the street, not necessarily the guys that went to Yale and, you know, NYU. And I'm sure they learned something. But what you really learned is when I walked into that theater and I had to watch for months the director and the stage manager and how do they talk to the actors. How does the director block? Does the audience like this night over the other night? What are the rewrites? How the rewrites can affect the audience?

It's all part of it. I wasn't learning that in school. What I learned by showing up on a set and working with grips and gaffers, I would never have learned at USC or NYU. I would have been demanding my money back. So I think it's something that, once again, you either have or you don't. And there's a big argument about that. but you're where you are

just because you had that moxie and you had that personality and you wanted it and they say that the guy that wants it is the guy who's going to get it in the long run for me honestly it's kind of like you know how like Tim Tebow how they have people who are great in college but they just can't handle it in the pros

there's a lot of people who I went to school with who were the really artistic and had seen all the French movies and worked on all the independent student movies in school but are still working in a movie theater back home, which is fine. But sometimes I think those people who are, like, it's like too good in college, they don't have, they can't adapt.

Like when we shot that documentary, the first couple times we talked about it, I was going over stuff that I had learned in school, which in theory would have been good. But when I'm working with you, there's no time for any of that. There's no planning. That's right. And that's where the gems come from. Those gems come from getting out of your thought. We overthink everything.

We imbue everything with meaning. We over-analyze. We do that naturally. But when you get to like, what comes from the heart goes to the heart. You know, and I think that stands true with anything. So if you believe in something, it's like an instructor. David's a great instructor because our jihitsu coach who loves it so much and loves teaching and coaching guys and believes in each and every one of us. I get text at 6 o'clock in the morning from the guy.

What are you doing today? You're going to get some exercise if I don't see at the academy. I hope you get to the gym and go for a swim. Have a great day. Don't fight. Keep your worries where they are and you're going to be up. You know, I'm going to go, I didn't know. This guy is more invested.

The night before. As a fellowship. As a fellowship. Jiu-jitia tomorrow, bright and early, are you coming? Now, what schools are teaching? That's not going on in many places. No, nobody can teach you that. Nobody can teach for you.

Huge. Because I, that's why. Before, I would never go to the gym. But if I had a teacher texting me, like it was like with you, and you would always call me, tell me to walk. If I didn't have that, I probably wouldn't even be at the gym now. No, you got to walk.

You got to get, we live in California. I said it last night. If they test 50 people in a room, a blood test, 40% are they going to come back vitamin D deficient. Yep. That's if you live in Buffalo or Seattle. We live in Los Angeles. Yep.

40%. That's a big, I was, the first time I went to doctors, like, I got to give you this, your vitamin D deficient. and I changed everything. No more on the computer all day out. Getting the computer in the morning, you got to get out and get that fucking sun.

I'm picking now when I leave here. I'm going to go do kettlebells out in the park. I'm going to go do three rounds of swings, a couple rounds of cleans, just in the park. Get that sun, even if it's 20 minutes. It's sun. I do collie. I get the sticks, and I call it buddies that are Filipino martial artists.

And we get out there on Ocean Boulevard. I go, how lucky are we to live where we do? Looking out at the ocean. and I got my buddies there, and we're just doing sticks. Drilling, yeah, building sticks. For two hours, once again, goes by like 10 minutes. If you're in a timeless pursuit, you got it? Joseph Campbell, the Mystic, and he's profound,

wrote that ideally every day you have something or some kind of practice that you have, it's timeless, that's a meditation, at the very least once a week, but it's something you do, whether it's exercise, jiu-jitsu, your art, your comedy, that gets you out of your head and out of your body and becomes a ritual. And when we're out there doing those sticks, I'm in another place.

I go off to another world. Yeah, you really are. And I'm higher than a kite. I feel like I'm floating home. And my teacher, Dan Amisano, says, it's wellness. You're getting wellness because you're using both sides of your brain

and you're doing this, you know, and it just breaks apart what we're usually holding on to throughout our day and the traffic and the grind and it makes us sick and nuts have something that, and you do realize that's priceless in what it's all about. I told you about the academy. The fact that you're doing what you're doing and where you are and like what it did for my brother and continues to, it's a lifesaver. This is a big deal. And it takes courage to step in that.

I mean, most people start and quit. I can't tell you how many people. Lee, they come in in droves, and I'm looking over, and I go, out of 20, two will stay. Two people. Is this time of year a really big year for that because of like new year resolutions? Like the first week of January, be like you can't go to class and then... You'll see a lot coming through where they had a resolution. and, hey, we've said it before.

It's terrifying on a lot of levels. I'm going to use Andre once again as an example. Here's a guy who's 250-plus pounds in a defensive lineman, and he could crush me in a second. He's sweating into my face, and we're sitting there laughing and giggling, but for most people, that's a terrifying proposition. You know what I mean?

Andre Carter, the old Patriot Outweiler. Patriot Outweiler? Did he play for the Raiders, Redskins, Oh, wow, yeah. That guy's humongous. I mean, it's humongous. But most people say, are you out of your mind? You've got to be out of your mind.

And they come and do it once, and they get choked out or tapped out. And their egos are a whole other issue, and they're like, I can't. And they're driving home going, what just happened here? Or they run to do it and say, I need to learn this. They go the other way and go, I need to now know how to do this. It's power, power. I was, first two times I went to Jiu-Zitsu. I left there not knowing what.

the fuck I had just been hit with. Like, I didn't know what I had just been hit with. Like, everything hurt, every muscle, every toe. And I remember going home and going on it. And I'm going to the doctor for something. And I'm going, listen, I'm getting these middle-level guys coming in here twice a week with fucked up shoulders and elbows from Jitsu. If there's something else, you could do something else.

And I looked at him. This is the Raider guy, the guy that does my name. And I'm like, I can't. I like this. I really enjoy this. But for me, it goes back to one. thing. It really goes back. And you said it. I didn't even know this. You know, uh, when I came from Cuba, my mom believed in it. And she put me in a karate school and I was fine. I got beat up a couple

times and it, you know, I went to Miami last week to, uh, to see old family and I was talking to her. And she goes, I remember you when I first met you, how quiet you were. She goes, your life changed when you got hit in the head with that fucking thermos. She goes, you weren't quiet anymore. I thought that woke a fucking devil up. was that story? I don't know. I got my mom made me lunch. My, you know, my mom used to give me a couple bucks, and there was a hot dog man on the corner,

and I would go to the hot dog man, and they told me you went and allowed to leave the property in the first grade. You know, you just went a lot to leave the property. You had to have a lunch box, and I can't stand having that restriction. Like, I just didn't know what I would usually eat my lunch the night before. Like, when we were

going to a play or something, we went to Beatlemania or something. Like, the girl that was in my first grade class, her father was one of the guys for Schultz, you know, Peanuts in Manhattan. And we would go to the theater by ourselves, a theater by yourself, like eight kids, and they would play movies for us.

You know, it was fucking... That's awesome. It was just amazing as a young kid and stuff like that, you know? But I was fucking nuts. Like, I was quiet at first, but after they hit me with that fucking lunchbox, man. Oh, and like Central Park or something, right? They hit me in Central Park.

So you got jumped and they hit you with the... They had the lunch box. I took a lunchbox, I ate out of it, and I go, I don't want this lunchbox. I'm going to make believe I lost it. My plan was to tell my mom I lost it. But when I went to Central Park, I was by that little lake. Three kids came up there, and I gave us what's in your lunchbox. In other days, I would have given it to them, but something wasn't right.

I was like, I'm not giving you my lunchbox. And we started fighting. When I hit them with the lunchbox, the thing broke open. The kid grabbed the thermos and hit me in the head with the thermos, which were made out of glass and I heard that thermos hit me and the glass break. That means you got hit fucking hard because those thermuses were glass, well, whatever, shadow proof. And I remember running home, bleeding, looking at my hand and my mother, when I got home, they wouldn't take me to the hospital until my mother came from Jersey. We had the bar in Union City. So I was sitting there

bleeding for like 35 minutes. I was a fucking mess. And my mother came and then my mother, they stitched me up and my mother hit me in the car on the way home for playing hooky and for fucking. Where's that fucking lunchbox? And then she hit me. And something after that, I just became a fucking Satan. Like I wanted to fight all the time. So they threw me in a karate school, and that calmed me down. And I stuck with it.

Then I moved to Jersey, and I joined Isshunru karate. And all my buddies were Kung Fu kids, and they were all karate kids, and Taekwondo kids, and Martin Perez, who I saw this week was a judo kid. Jiu-Jitsu was not even on the map then. It was karate, kung fu, and judo. That's it. If you wanted Jiu-Igitza, you had to go to fucking Queens or something. And it wasn't even on the map,

because I used to go to Aaron Banks' karate competitions every year, and Manus Square Guard. Again, how big is a competition? They were huge. They were huge. It's Madison Square fucking Guard. Filled. And then there was a place called Honda,

martial arts supplies on 40-something street. That was our Saturdays. We would save money, and that was our Saturday, because we would be there for five hours. buying, you know, fucking Kabulu Tonfas. I had a tonpals. And fucking sticks.

The stars, the Chinese stars. Then you had to buy the stars and get somebody to sharpen them for you. Because you would buy the stars and they wouldn't be sharpened. Right, they were dull. You'd take them home and nothing's happening. You'd lose your fucking mind. They had to go to a hardware store. Get a new Bruce Lee poster.

Get a new Bruce Lee post. I'd go to Chinatown and buy the black and white pictures. Yeah. And then one day, man, I started smoking pot. This sixth grade. I started smoking a little pot, and I went from once every three months to every Friday to every Friday and Saturday, but I wouldn't smoke with the karate guys. I would smoke with the kids by my house. When I was at the karate guys, I couldn't even mention drugs.

They would look at me and go, what are you talking about? We don't even do drugs, so I quit karate. And until this day, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I continued to work out and lift weights, but I lifted weights with somebody. When you lift weights with somebody, you're talking, you're constantly. when he told you that first half hour like Dave makes you get against the wall when you do counterstinics and you're stretching that's why I don't even like bringing a phone in there I don't want to hear a phone ringing in that because that's your hour that's your wellness yep

that's your chances to invest in yourself like you're breathing and that breathing it's like you're putting money in your system something not like it's just it's just like you're living you're alive and then you leave there and you go back into the worries of the world that's right And then you look at your fucking phone or whatever the fuck you got to do. I still bring my phone to the gym and I got to stop. You got to stop. I always, I get nervous. I don't, nothing would happen.

I, if anyone calls, it's probably you, my mom and my dad. And I could wait, but it's just like, it, it's gotten to the point where like I, like, if you ever forget your phone at home and you just go to the store. People have panic attacks now. It's, it's, it's, my internet went out a few weeks ago for 20 minutes. And I was like, I don't, what am I going to do this internet? And so I got to, I got to start leaving it. Because I leave my wallet in my car now. because you told me that people used to break in the gym lockers

so I don't leave my wallet in the gym locker anymore but yeah I got to stop bringing my phone in. How about this notion to put it out there? Speaking of wallets, the academy or the dojo is a place where you can leave your belongings, a wallet or a phone which has happened to me several times where I've left my wallet with full of cash

and it's still there and actually a guy finds it and gives it to the instructor who puts it puts it in a drawer behind the desk, and never once worried about it being stolen or being ripped off. So few places anymore we can actually trust. You can't even do it at your own gym. Somebody's actually going to pick the lock or cut the lock to get into your stuff. But at the academy, there's a code.

That's another point of all this. It's hard to describe how there's that camaraderie and trust that I think is rare these days. you know your word well jiu-jitsu is something else jiu-jitsu is such a great exercise but at the same time I get my hand caught in your ghee

and we spin I break my wrist you know an arm bar you know so when you're doing things like that and it's a quick arm bar it's a quick tap an elbow could go quickly

an elbow doesn't need you to tug on it I'm 300 pounds I go back too fast it'll go fast yeah that's why I don't mess with those in print I don't mess with those because I know I'm going to hurt somebody. So I learned how to do them, but I won't really want to because my speed going backwards is a fucking, your pop, everything will pop.

I'll rip your arm while over your socket. Well, every ju-d-d-tu guy and Joey has come in here, the one standard is usually they all say how nice everybody is a jud-a-to. And it seems like that. But what's going, what do you think is going on with all the UFC fighters getting hurt in the training camps now? Like, what does the difference happen? You want me to tell you what I saw? I'm not liking. That I saw what happened.

This is what I saw what happened. At the end of the day, that's a martial art. It's a triple martial art. But I think people are turning it into the anti-martial art. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is, Lee. I don't know. People getting hurt in training because you train that hard.

You train that hard. You're working on three different disciplines. one time. Oh, I know there's some injuries that are just like you spray an ankle or something, but it seems like there's been more like sparring injuries that you would think they'd be like, okay, this guy's going to fight the title fight, maybe don't go and try to kill him.

Well, look at somebody like Robbie Lawler. He doesn't spark. He knows he could fight. What he does is he works with a coach and he wrestles. He wrestles a lot to get his workout in. So everybody has different training methods, you know, and accidents are going to happen. I know that somebody got hurt. Oh, John Jones got hurt and Dana White said what the fuck is he doing jujitsuing with fucco

with alice or overreem I get what you're saying but you gotta and you gotta and they want to push themselves yeah you gotta work hard these guys are super athletes that want to go to the next level and we all get reckless and start to go you know you know back in the days when I would compete I got into this mindset of I've got to get the best guy and I'm I would pull them aside and say put me to task here like we're in a company And it was stupid. And I ended up, you know, get a neck crank and my neck's out for two weeks.

But I'd ask them, I'd say, I need to be pushed to that level. And that's where I think these guys are, but on an umpteenth level. And the competition is so fierce now. All these guys are so well matched that they're looking for that next thing. And that's where the accidents happen. No matter how well-padded and protected you are, you don't catch your guys back-fist and hit you the wrong way, boom, you know, or you're rolling with overreem and a guy like that,

and he goes to arm bar you, and you don't tap quick enough, or he's just too fast, boom. That's it. Happens that fast. So, I don't know. I think that's just it. They're just pushing themselves.

I mean, it makes sense, but I just didn't, because, like, everybody, I haven't met one person who does J-Jit-2. They all make a point of saying how nice everybody is and how they're not going to try it. And we do. You must, you don't, there's not. There can't be that many 300 plus people there.

So you have to... Did you say I got a black eye? Did you really? Look at it. Yeah, I've gotten a lot of those. Oh, yeah, yeah. From what? It just happens.

Just happens yesterday. You'll get an elbow or... Yeah, look. You see it right there. Oh, okay. It's right there. It's right there. I didn't even say nothing about it.

My wife noticed it. Just, this is... Listen, I got an interesting call from Rogan yesterday. He said he went back to the Comedy Store Tuesday. Oh, wow. Yeah. He said he couldn't believe it. I explained them.

I said, no, you know what I'm talking about. You know, we do great shows at the Ice House. I do great shows at Flappers, you know. I could go to the ha-ha every night. They're great comedy clubs, but I could walk in there and read the yellow pages and get a lap because the people that are on before me are people that are learning. So I'm like a fucking king in those clubs. I could do those clubs all the time.

That's not what I want to do. I want to keep getting pushed. When I go to the Comedy Store, you got to follow Sebastian one night and Neil Brennan the other night, other night and one of these new guys these young 22 year olds you know Carmine Gerard Carmichael or something you gotta fucking work you got you're thinking you had you had a plan when you went down

there now you got to change that plan this kid's energy is strong so I got to come out with more energy so that joke I was going to do in the beginning I'm going to move that and open up with this and come out there fucking swinging let me ask you something you're my brother and I trust your judgment you haven't seen an improvement in my stand-up

since I went back to the store a thousand percent a thousand percent because because I'm not fucking around no more. I'm in a different league now. I went back to it, and I'm purposely staying out of those, did the energy level move up?

How big is the energy now? It's a complete different comic. Because now I got that, somebody pushed me a little bit at the store. They pushed me a little bit. That you have to, I had to remember those things. I was coming out and I was writing material,

but I wasn't a performing in front of the fucking original. That's Higin Machado's. That's John Jacques. That's Cabrini's. That's where you go. to the night class. And you know that.

So once again, this goes back to, so this can't be taught. No. This has made my point. This is, when I was a kid, knowing. I could play hoops on 38th Street

or I could go to Emerson and play with Drack and the kid Mahoney. Those motherfuckers went to birth to cat, you know, you know. I saw Godzilla the other day. You saw the one?

You see Godzilla? The new one? Yeah, you see Godzilla? Brian Cranston's in it. One of the best actors walking around today. He's so bad in Godzilla. Not because

he's bad I had a bad day because the movie's bad the people around them are bad the director was bad everybody was fucking bad on that movie anybody who looked at that movie and said yeah I want to go do this were bad they made bad fucking choices

and they didn't know till they got there what do you see Brian Granson he's bad it's terrible I was on a plane going oh my god it's bad the problem is it's not he's bad they're so even the fucking monster's bad everybody's bad so that's what happens you go to those places

you pick up bad habits Now you can't shake them. When you go to the store, you can't have a bad fucking habit. When you go to the improv during the week for those comedy juices, and Dane's there, and Don Moravis there, and Doug Stano's there, and Rogan's there, you've got to bring your fucking A-game. And even if just being in the room brings your A-game up, just being in the room, that energy, you know, when I go to whatever,

after my first row is horrible, no matter what I do because I can't breathe. But after the guys keep pushing me, by the fourth row, I'm lasting a little longer and I'm going for a move now. Okay, my cardio's not there. I'm moving around a lot of weight. I smoke dope like a savage. You know, but I keep going.

And that level, you get better just walking into the room, you get better. Do you think that's why Ari did his special at the original room? No, Ari did a special because no, he had to follow nobody. He did a special at the original room because that's where he started. That's the best room in the country.

Really? And listen, that is, you know, That room doesn't lie. Yeah, I got to hand it to you guys. That room doesn't lie. You could go to Alabama and get standing ovation. Five shows in Alabama. Take that same set to the comedy store on a Sunday and get booed.

You can't figure out why because they don't give a fuck about ego. The original room, they just strip you down. And that's what happened to me. My first couple set to the comedy store when you went, how bad with it the night you and Paula went. It was horrific. The first one, the first one, The first one you did was great.

It was great because of pure energy and fear. But then you, like, yeah, there were a couple so-so ones, but the last few I've seen have been great. Oh, I've been great because I got that timing back. And that's what happened when I went to Higgins. I walked in there, Dave raises, fucking he's good with his feet. Yesterday he was controlling me with a leg. One leg?

Three hundred pounds. And he had me twisted with a leg. He had a toe in my neck and he had this shoulder pinned. I couldn't get nowhere. couldn't get no way. It's fucking amazing. But even it didn't mean nothing to me. It meant that I was in there for two minutes. For a guy like me, that's everything.

Because I know in my heart that those two minutes, they're going to become three minutes. Yeah. Those three minutes are going to be four minutes. That threshold. That threshold. It means everything. And I like what you said about the original room, and it doesn't lie.

And there were guys that I followed, it came up from the theater in Chicago, Steppenwolf Goodman Theater. and they would say that these guys were so new and poor that they would have to borrow seats to build a theater for an audience. But the thing is, the seats would squeak, but it taught them everything about acting to an audience and writing for an audience because if the audience was bored, what would happen?

They'd be squirming and you'd hear chirping. So they'd go offstage and go, we've got to rewrite this. This is not working. Listen to the squeaking. We want them. still. If you're engaged in something, you're sitting still. You're not reading the program. You're not moving back and forth in your chair. So it was a blessing that we had these old, old, rusted seats because we learned how to write for an audience and learned how to act for an

audience that doesn't lie. And he goes, if that hadn't happened us, none of us to be where we are today. These are guys that are all A-level guys. But that's it. And you've got to go in front of places that are, you know you're going to tap out, you know you're going to be in front of an audience that's going to tell you the truth and not bullshit you like, you know, you're in Alabama and they don't care who's in front of them. You're not going to learn from that. You're never going to progress. But that's what comes back to. You cannot learn that in a textbook in a classroom and spend 60 grand going to Yale drama because they're going to bullshit you and you're going to end up having to figure that out 10 years later when you're on her face

going, why didn't this work out? Well, because if you cut your teeth on the stage or in front of the camera or at the comedy store, 10 years prior, you were to learn it. You know, I don't know. Can anything prepare you for this? Could anything prepare you for what you walked into or what you were going to walk into? Can Emerson Collin prepare you or no? No.

What I think, and actually what my dad said, he wished we had done, is I probably could have taken a half of what I did take. And student loans. So let's just say I took a $50,000 loan and just came out here and was a PA. That probably would have been just as good. The issue you have is no matter what, even if you are in the entertainment industry, they like seeing that you have a college degree and for not entertainment for any other regular kind of job, if you don't have a college degree, like they won't just hire you for the mailroom.

So the unfortunate thing now is it's gone to the point where you need it. What I've heard a lot of people are doing now is they go for two, three years to community colleges and just banged out a couple years of major classes at the big universities to get the name degree, but they're saving a ton of money. And the issue, my mom told me about that before I went to college, that I could have done that. But when you're going through school, the thought of community college in my head was like, I can't go. My friends are applying to USC and my friends are going to NYU. you, I can't say I'm going to middle sex community college. I can't say that. But in

looking back on it, I should have done two years there and two years at Emerson and I'd be out of debt by now. It's great, but didn't, did you have we were talking about, he had David Mammon, I had the editor guy, did you have like a comic who

you kind of looked at or a few comics who mentored you at all? I got mentored without being, I getting mented. like I just shut my mouth and watched. You know, I watched Andrew Dice Clay, I watched Eddie Griffin, I watched Paul Mooney, I watched Joe Rogan, I watched just different things from different comics.

I sat down with Rock or Becey tons of time and just discussed life and ideas, you know. But that was basically that I got mentored by watching. I'm in a tough position right now because there's two people. to have a talk with. There's two people that are kind and dear to me that have to have that talk with. And it's that talk that we're either going to be friends after this conversation or they're not going to be friends. And that was my biggest mentor and his name was Matt Woods. Matt Woods was a guy from Long Island that was a comic and he basically got into my comedy

face one day. And I'm sure somebody did it to you with Jiu-Jitsu. You know, somebody's about to do it to me with Jiu-Jitsu pretty soon. with somebody that's dear to you, pulls you aside and say, why are you coming here? If you're going to keep doing what you're doing, don't come, you're wasting your time. You have this amount of natural talent.

These are all your talents, and you waste them by doing this. Don't come no more. Look how you're dressed. Look at your fucking, I mean, this guy read me the riot act. And I was buck wild. I had to control my hands,

like my hands are in my pocket. And he goes, you got the most talent and all these guys in the room without even thinking about it. But you'd rather do blow and wear a t-shirt. Not right.

I mean, he goes, you don't write. Go on stage and you kill. Why would you want to write? And the guy just kept fucking eating at me. And he goes, if you're really serious about comedy, you'll be here next week at 8.30.

He goes, you cancel all the time. He goes, I do a writing class, and I got guys that go in there and work and they'll never get to where you are naturally, to do blow and hang out. Oh my God, he just said things to me, and he wasn't lying. Guy wasn't lying, he, I wasn't lying. You know, so I walked to the bus, and I walked back to beat him up. When I got to the bus, I said, I'm going to go back and bit slap that motherfucker.

And I walked back, and I said, I can't. I'll catch him next time, and I got on the bus, and I went home, and I cried on the bus a little bit, and then I went home and did blow. Then I woke up the next morning, I thought about his words again, and I wrote him on paper, and I, that's it. Month after that, I became a comedian. I never saw him again. And one night I'm in Rudy's room in Whittier at the Brave Bull. And I had to follow some old school legend, the detective guy. I like my women, how I like my coffee with big tits, you know, that type of shit.

And I went up there and took that room apart. When I got off, Matt Woods was there with Brian Dunkelman from, he was Brian Dunkelman's coach. Yeah, for American Idol. Before American Idol, he came out here to help him with shit. And he saw me Matt Wood. and I pulled them aside. I said, let me tell you something.

You're so fucking lucky. I was ready to kidnap you and throw you in the trunk and beat you up. But the reason why I'm in LA is because of you. That was my biggest mentor, Matt Woods. And I looked for him on Facebook. I heard he went to New Tucson because his brother was sick. And he went to take care of him. Nobody's heard from him since.

But that was my mentor because he told me the strongest words I ever heard in my life. And they were the words I needed to hear. That's a mentor. was a Menta. He never lied. This guy knew I could beat him up without even thinking twice, and he got in my face. Just that changed me. It just changed me, you know.

It's the worst when someone tells you something that you know is true. That's true. What the fuck? But we all need that. Hopefully you get it when you're a kid, and if you don't, sometimes you're getting that hard knock, hard talk later in life. I mean, my grandparents were the ones who were doing that to me. My parents are

non-existent. Finally, my grandfather, Navy captain in World War II and just strict and by the book pulls me aside one day and says you're either going to do well or you're going to end up in jail it's right here

the schism's pretty thin right now and he just knew he had an instinct and he goes knock this stuff off knock it off and you know bless his heart but you know what he ended up talking to me about was all happening

and I was like no no no no no no no And I wanted to strangle them. Never speak to him again and do this whole thing. But now I look back and I go, yeah, it was the best thing that I could. It's the best thing. You know? And I don't know how to have it with these two.

I know one guy is very resistant. He's going to resist me. The other guy might listen and not talk to me. But I'm just waiting to bump into him because I'll be doing them a favor. The same favor of somebody did to me. We had it. If you guys listened to almost a year ago,

right after like the first week of January then my podcast I don't know might be a little bit awkward we had not even an argument at the beginning of this last year and then this year was probably the best year of the podcast and the podcast just keeps getting better

and it's hard especially I don't know if it's a male thing or what but you don't like people telling you like you always want to prove people wrong kind of it's kind of like It's a human thing. The kids who want to steal your lunchbox,

and you were going to throw it away, but you're like, no, I'm not good. Like, it's just, it's hard to... If you're a human being, and you see somebody who's wasting their fucking life for their time, and you love that person, and you don't pull them aside and go, hey, I'm not putting you down.

But, Jesus fucking Christ, is this what you really want to do? Because you're not doing it. If they get pissed, you guys weren't meant to be friends. But if you're a man, and you know how to take it, and turn what they said into a positive, because when you say it to something,

somebody, you're not saying them in a negative way. You're telling them in a positive way. This is what we could be fucking doing. I did a podcast with a person that she was killing the podcast on purpose. Killing it by not doing little fucking things. This isn't brain surgery. This is coming on here telling the truth and putting the fucking thing up. And there's a certain work ethic.

You know, we have this thing in America that we work Monday through Friday on the weekends. We need to drink drinks with fucking umbrellas in it. but then we wonder why we don't move ahead. Right. Well, because back to the most beautiful thing I've heard on this podcast, what this man just said today, when you love something, it's timeless.

We've discussed this, you and I, a thousand times. When you're doing a podcast and having fun and I've got to look at you and go, we've been here for three hours. We're giggling. You guys are the best, and it's obvious that you love doing that. We love it. This is timeless for us. This is, you know, when you go, I said, I go,

you're an inspiration. because you're one of the hardest working guys I've ever met. And I've only known you a short amount of time, and I would not be saying that. That's the truth. Thank you. No. So when a guy like this comes into the academy, I don't care what level you're at, but he comes in with heart and honesty and integrity.

When you're building, my grandfather, once again, would say, who do you want in your foxhole? You've got to think about that. That's true. If you want some slup who's going to sit there and cower and is not going to, you know, no, you want a guy who you can trust. It's a Navy SEAL credo. That guy, your team member, your swim buddy right next to you is going to save your life.

Be careful who you pick and who you're around because that's the person that's going to help lift you through life. Who do you want your fucking fox? Who do you want your... That's it. And that's the truth. So, fucking truth, man. And you guys found each other. There's no accident, you know, and you're building, when you're on a movie set and you don't know what you're doing, you damn well better hire.

people that do. Successful people surround themselves with people that know what they're doing. Great artists, great comics, great writers. You know, I've been lucky that when I started to pursue things, I would go to the source, the best of the best. They just had some instinct that told me, if you're going to go and do it, don't do it half baked, you're going to go all the way. I'm going to find Higin Machado. I'm going to find Jean-Jacques Machado. I'm going to find Hoyt Gracie. I'm going to find David Mamet. I'm going to, you know. Dan and Asanto.

Dan Nassanto. I was, Bruce Lee was my hero. Bruce's best friend teaching me collie. That's 70 years old. 70-something years old. He's doing jiu-jitsu. He does jiu-tze. Why is he trained jiu-zzi?

At, uh... I saw him at Higgins. He goes to Honato Magnos Street's board. Right, right, right, right, right. And then he's also, we trained a little bit with John Machado. Hegan gave him his black belt. Heardt's he admits Higin for saving his life. once again he had all sorts of back problems and he can say well for the for for six months

you're gonna do hip escapes up and down the mat wax on wax off and back and forth and he said it strengthened his back little chiropractic work back to normal amazing that's that's that's Dan Hinesasano. But back to you, you were as strong as the people around you, I believe that. Absolutely. That's it.

Around bullshitters and people that are bullshit and you're doing. And you feel it. You feel it. The weekend warrior umbrella and the cocktail thing is not, it gets nowhere. I've been down that road. My phone doesn't ring anymore. But for five or six years,

all I would get calls from people telling me how bad their careers were. And then I would just ask a couple qualifying questions. It's like, where do you go to get on stage? And the three questions, I find two of them that are just unacceptory. Unacceptable. Unacceptable.

The answers are unacceptable. Like, I can't accept this as a human being. So you mean to tell me you're crying about this, but you're going to a wedding, or you're going on vacation for 10 days, or you're doing this or doing that, but you're not doing, you know, we have a friend that goes to the movie 12 hours a week, but he tells you how doing stand-up and that way sucks. Well, if you cut that movie error in half and wrote for six hours, went to a coffee shop six days a week and wrote one hour.

Within six weeks, you'll have 20 fucking spotless minutes if you're real. If you get on stage anyway, you know? Not only that, what are you watching Godzilla? Yeah. You're watching crap. It's your time management. If you're going to go to a movie, you know what is it? It's like if you're going to go do that pursuit, do it well.

Do something that's going to feed you and turn you into something. If you're going to see Godzilla every week, that type of movie, you're mush. Time management is so important. When I time management myself, I improve 10% in my game. I have a notebook, and on that notebook,

I know where I'm going to be at every time of the day. If you call me and say, where are you going to be the amount of 440, I can tell you by looking at that fucking notebook. And that's how I ain't all I am. That's how it is. I know who I have to call.

I know what time I have to call them, what time, you know. It's just something that I needed to do. A man without a plan is not a man. Who taught you that? Was it your mom or dad? I just figured it out. It's golds.

It's a combination of golds and just the power of the pen. The power of the pen is the most powerful thing in the world. Once you write something and you look at it, you know, when I goof on with you guys, and I say to you guys, I kidnap the guy and put him in the trunk of a car, and we all laugh. When I write that out, I got to stop and wipe tears from my face and get a drink of water and sneak outside and take a hit off the piece. It's powerful when I read these things. So when you read something that you have to do

and when you think it, it's two different fucking things. I mean, I had yesterday, I had to mail Matt Fultron a check. It was written in there. Didn't have a time for it, but it said Matt Fultron check. You know, that means I had to go mail it. And at the end of the night, when I walk in, I look at that piece of paper that's got checks next to everything. Very seldom.

Does it have a scratch or something happened or something? You know, and I'll write it in. I couldn't go to Jiu-Jitsu because they got 11 o'clock audition. at 950, you know. But I stick to that fucking plan. You know, that's my plan for the day. Today I got dick. I had whatever breakfast.

I make a call, my niece, and I got two spots tonight. But that's what you have to do. When you love something and you're getting paid for it, it becomes different. It's not a job no more. It becomes, I can't wait to go do this. Like last night when I got on stage at the Ice House,

my dick got hard. It was great to be back there. I had forgotten what a thing. felt like. Sometimes when you're away from something for a while you start getting negative thoughts about it. I got to go up there. Once I got on stage, I was like, oh my God, this is masterful. And once it was

flowing. I love that little room. Me too. Always loved it. I always could tape a CD in there, a special. It just makes sense. It's just so intimate. Yeah, that's a great spot. That really is. The Ice House, that stage one and two, they've really done. And last night, the owner was there.

Yeah. Last night, something happened that was really interesting. Danny Robinson was there. Danny Robinson's one of the heads of comedy of APA. I've spoken to Danny Robinson for 15 years. He's never pulled the trigger on stuff. I mean, but he's helped out when I've had to. He's a good New York dude. That's the first guy that ever talked to you about college.

That guy was, oh, he was an agent? I thought he was a comic or something. No. Oh, okay. You spoke to the head of comedy division of APA. Oh. That guy's father was Johnny Carson's band leader. Wow.

Wow. Something crazy. He knows. He books the bands for APA. He's like, and I looked at him at one moment, I was going to say, Danny, I even said to him, I go, Danny, this guy's going to be you, only 3D a lot better. You heard me. Oh, I thought it was comic. I didn't even know. No, that's Danny Robinson.

He was there to see what's the name because she was doing the taping. And it was so weird how I was looking at the both of years going. Lee is 26. And he's got so much on Danny, who's already been in the business for all this long, because he's computer savvy. It knows about podcasts. Right now, what you're doing is you're becoming something that a lot of people in this town are called managers.

And they manage a career. They tell people no for you. They make decisions on auditions and shit like that. You're becoming a producing manager. You're seeing it right now. You're seeing a position that's never been done before in this town. That nobody's really wanted... I'm not a manager.

I'm a producer manager. I take clients. and we produce projects on our own. We don't need television network. We just start with podcasts. We do little fucking videos. That's a production manager for somebody. We go to work, Jack.

We don't let them bring the work to us. We bring the work to them, you know. That game changed big time. That game. We're not all changed when suddenly when I remember being at school and we were talking about a film project and we're breaking down the numbers, film stock, camera. you're in the minimum $55,000 to $500,000

looking at doing some art project and everyone basically says, well, who's got the rich uncle or father that can fund this? We're going to go rob a bank. What are we going to do? And today, to be able to say, you can get a camera, you can rent a camera. You get a guy like Lee,

who knows what he's doing, working his way around producing and editing, and you get the right people together, and it can be done. There's no excuse anymore. All the excuses of why it couldn't be done. It's changed. People are still going to make the excuse,

but for the guys that are hungry and out there and want to work, it's right here. Change everything. I had a call this morning about some guy, Damon, calling this got an idea. He goes, I got a great idea. He puts it to him. He goes, we could do this online.

He goes, that's where it's going to start. You're going to catch on with this. You know, people years ago, you couldn't do anything. Now, he's right. You got a camera. You get some kids. We turn the camera around. We turn the camera on them.

Nobody knows nothing. They think I'm talking to the kids, but I'm really saying, suck my dick. Go out there. That's how he did in Stacy's mom. I was a school teacher, but I wasn't really talking to kids. I was yelling, suck my dick. Get out there.

Get out there. And then also, they show the kids and their faces are scary. Because you can't talk to kids like that. So it wouldn't be. They had like three kids up front that were a little old to make them believe. But you could do this shit online now. Yeah. If you really have a dream.

You know, I love to shoot a special. Nobody's going to reach out and offer me a special. I'll shoot it on my own. You know, if I put 10 minutes on YouTube and sell the rest for five bucks, I don't give a fuck. I can do it on my own. You don't need nothing to get out there anymore. Right.

The only issue with that is that, and we're very lucky, and we work hard, but the market is so saturated now, it is a little bit harder to get noticed, I think. But if you have a good product, I think... I think cream rises at the top. no matter what. And it's a matter of time, and it does take longer. And it is saturated.

It's actually, I don't know, you've probably heard about this, but when Google acquired YouTube, they decided that what they were going to do is build studios and start to have tiers of product and what was commercially viable, what was actual talent, and kind of cut through the blizzard of nonsense where everybody and their uncle's uploading something,

you can get lost through that. By the time you actually find content, you're already frustrated and you're leaving it. So this notion of somehow filtering through the nonsense and getting to what's actually worthwhile. So I think that's all happening now and where it's going to start to change once again. That's going to be the next evolution with the people like yourselves and others that are above and beyond the crackpot out there, if you will. So, but I'm a firm believer in, if you're working at it, it'll eventually reach an audience. It just takes a little longer. Listen, when Dave, we go to Jiu-Jitsu, Dave doesn't warm up, and then he teaches his son, two or three things,

and we drill him five times a beat, and then he goes, it's time to roll now. And the first time I roll, the first two minutes, it's, I think of everything bad. I'm going to break it on. My heart's beaten. I'm going to have a heart attack. That I hug the cat, that I do my will.

I think of the weirdest things. And then after I tap, and I get my oxygen, as I'm spinning around walking, and I can't focus, I think about why do I come here? I'm never going to get good at this. I'm never coming back after tomorrow.

I'm just going to get rid of this ghee and not come back and go to kettlebells or something. And then I get in the second row, thinking all. this and all of a sudden it starts coming back to me. I think of comedy. I think it coming out. I get people telling me that I was too old, that was too dirty, and I couldn't get an agent. I didn't go home. I just didn't go home. Yesterday, I'm watching Cold Case. And it was me on Cold Case in 2004. And I remember when I booked it, that was the biggest part I had gotten to

date. I play a cab drive and they come interrogate me, and I booked it because I know what it is to be interrogated. I still remember going for the read and then not letting me go home. That's when you read down it, that's when David whatever had the studios. He still hasn't. What's the guy's name that had the law show, David something, and he built studios in Redondo Beach. Oh, yeah. And he built Gordon. They were shooting

CSI Miami down there. It was fucking gorgeous down there. And it's next to a Brueger's bagels. And every time I went down, I would be excited because I was going to Brueger's bagels. The one in Manhattan Beach? Yes. That's where they shoot America's funny's own videos. Yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Down there. Really fucking

sharp. And I still remember going in for that and going, I can't believe I booked these roles, but they won't even let me go to Montreal, like the Comedy Festival. But the only thing I had was that I had nothing going on, so I kept doing comedy. So in my second role, when the guy's pulling me down, and I'm like, I'm going to die, I think of, what the fuck? I was having the same problems with comedy 20 years ago, where I would go home and cry. Like, if I can't make it uncommon, listen, if the comedy didn't work the first three or four years, that's it. I was going to go back to drugs and stabbing people.

But every time I got on, every, like, three times I got on stage, I got a fucking window open up or like a moment of clarity that you're like, you know what, this might just work. I'm going to come back on fucking Tuesday, you know? And then I would get a week of work, and then next thing you know, you're a fucking believer. So that's why I keep going to Jiu-Jitsu, because I know I suck today. But if I keep going, I just keep going. Eventually, someday I'll do something nice, and then I'll really get into it and really get, I'm looking forward to December when I'm off the road

because I'm going to go fucking every night. But you're doing it already. So they used to say if you want to find out how you're doing, ask the guy next to you because we don't know. We're in our heads and second guessing. But like what we did yesterday, side mount, you're putting the pressure on, you reach around. Remember you said you didn't have you couldn't?

And finally, I told you, feed the ghee, grab it, and you did it. That's leaps and bounds from a couple of things. a couple of weeks ago in a short amount of time. So think about that. And also this notion of it's a it's a lifetime pursuit. And, you know, we want to get to everything as quickly as possible, but put the guy on, show up, do the warm one step at a time. But I will tell you and Dave's told you from where it was when we first met to now, tremendous. Tremendous. I could feel like I feel just my corner. And I told you, you looked like you had lost weight. Yeah, just to my fitness. Miami killed me, though, them fucking Cuban sandwiches.

It had no flogne. It happens. Nothing. I even ate salads at night with Miami-Mahy. But those Cuban sandwiches, I was looking for them today. They're like 800 calories. Yeah. Like a regular one is 800 fucking calories.

I was eating those. I only ate two quoketters a day. I didn't eat no fried bananas. I ate no potatoes with the meat in them because those things will kill you. Like a thousand milligrams of fucking carbohydrates. I love it. Funny, before the podcast started, we're talking about the whole. knowing when somebody's going to be a kiss at death.

Like just knowing. And I remember being a kid one time and wanting to jump on somebody. I never forget this. And I was dealing with this guy named Tommy Kenny. He was an Irish guy that was in the Westies. He was at like a missing eye. And he would get me these jobs to stake out places. Like that was his thing.

I got some kid come over here. I got your job in an outburger. I want you to sit out. They got your job as a host outside. But you're not really hosting. They pay everybody else eight. I got the manager to give you a 15, and I'm going to give you an extra 100. You're going to sit there, and you're going to watch that manager from the Honda dealer.

And you're going to tell me all day what the movements on. You're going to write them on a piece of paper. This is Tommy Kennedy, and he called me with these fucking jobs. And I don't know one dad talked to him about somebody. I got to get rid of this guy. I really want to break his fucking neck. And he goes, who? He goes, listen, just give him time.

That guy will shoot himself on his own time. And sure enough, the guy got in trouble. We got 12 years. And I'm like, how did you know? And that was the biggest lesson I learned from Tommy Kennedy. He goes, there's a difference between somebody having a bad day and somebody's spiraling out of control. Some people have bad days.

You work with those people because they're going to have a lot more good days because they had that bad day. But some people, you know, when you see somebody who gets caught selling six ounces of blow to a cop, don't call to his house the next day. You disconnect the fucking phone. It's over, especially if he calls you and says, hey, my connection's done.

Can you get me two ounces of coke? hang up the phone. That guy's on a wire. It's over. That guy's going downhill. And eventually he'll get shot on his own. You're going to go to somebody like him and go, hey, Lee just came to me to buy two ounces. He's a fucking rat. Let's shoot him. Watch. You say it to me all the time. You'll, I'll bring somebody up who was in the news or something or who I saw. And he'd be like, watch him. And like six months later, he'll be gone. He'll be gone. It's the law. So, O.J. Simpson, great. Great analogy. You knew it. You knew it. You don't even hang out with that.

Let him just give him some time. Come on. I asked Lee last night, Lee, this is the best way to put it. If you came to you and said, come here, Joey Dears, is going to get hit with a missile in the next 10 years. You just don't know when. I know the people were sending a missile. They're working on it right now.

Don't hang out with him. Would you hang out with Joey Dears if you know a missile was coming? Same thing with people like O.J. Or Shug Knight. Shug Night. Shug Night. Shug Night. I saw Shug Knight one time in L.A.

And he was across the street. And what I saw was, I don't know, I didn't see a big six-foot-eight black guy. I saw a guy that was getting hit with a missile. And he keeps doing little things. Like he keeps doing little things. That's just to let him know that we're here. We didn't forget that you knew who was going to shoot Tupac.

You were in on it. You cashed the money. You stole that money. And he's not rich today by no means. Nothing. He's not rolling. Cat Williams was fine. until he put that man in his life

Kath Williams was doing fine until something in Kat Williams is because when you get that big you don't know who to trust I guess somewhere in his mind he thought it would be okay to hang out with Shugnight do you think Kat Williams needs this right now he's not going to do fucking 30 years

Oh I know that yeah It's a $70,000 bail He might do a year though They might just make a fucking point with this guy Shugnight's not going to do 30 years but they're going after Shugnit on the three felony thing. Yeah, they gave him a million dollar bail. So what they're going to do is 25 years or plea bargain to eight,

you'll never see Shugnight again. No shoot him in jail. Is that what happens, do you think, with like Amanda Binds and all these celebrities who keep every six months get arrested for drinking or something like that? It's just they have something going on and they can't even help it. They've had no life experiences, so right now they're overwhelmed. They're overwhelmed.

You got, look, it didn't fucking walk the line. line go crazy for a while. Oh, Joaquin Phoenix? Well, that was fake. He did that for a fake documentary. I'm going to teach back. Well, you know, Andre talks about it, too, that a lot of these players that come up that come out and get contracts in the

NFL, they have these classes now. They have these classes now of how to handle your money work. These guys have no clue. And suddenly you got this kid who's growing up from the inner city, talented ball player and says, here's a $20, $30 million contract.

They're out of their minds. Well, Billy Corbyn did that broke 30 for 30, which is just amazing. Frickin Antoine Walker, the old Celtic, he made $100 million as an NBA, and he's broke, bouncing, chented, freaking casinos. Right.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I smoke some dope. I couldn't live in this no one. Those are the best. That's... You don't want to chase it with any... No, fuck-to-futty.

You're an awful one to your fucking guess, what? I'm not going to give them one that we ate already. I had a box last night. I'm good. Did you? I had a box. These things are fucking delicious.

Those are good. These little nutty bars. Nutty bars. And if you split them, it's $150 a piece, right? Right, yeah. Stayed in mind, like I said. You decide. You decide.

You decide. I got so high last night. I was so proud of myself. I didn't eat. I went to bed. I woke up at 3.30 to pee. I ate like a quarter of box of kicks. And I made a pepperoni sandwich and string.

and string cheese. You know what's funny about that? I'll put out apples and like tangerines. It doesn't matter. Because then what ends up happening is I go, wow, I've been good. I had an apple. Now I'm going to go make a salami sandwich.

It's like this, you never really satisfied. You know what I'm saying? It's the hardest thing. I just said fuck it. When you have the munchies, I don't know if you smoke or not, but it's just like,

even if I had 10 apples in front of me, I'd walk five miles to the McDonald's. I fucking have bananas at the house. house and raspberries. I love the bananas. Last night when I got home, I polished two bananas. I took a handful of those. Which are great for you after a workout, by the way.

That's the best for you have to work out. I'm a fruit guy. Even this morning, I went to breakfast at the wife and I got an omelette and a sidewater of fruit. I love my little fucking melons and my cantalops and all that shit. Oh my God. That's for me. If I still eat two bananas and raspberries and an apple and I'm still hungry, fuck it's on.

I got no time. But I at least give the banana and the apple a benefit of the doubt. I give them the benefit of the doubt because, look at this fucking guy. I ate it too fast. It was the best thing I mean. It was delicious. It was delicious. It was delicious.

They take it back to your child with those. They're just like Twinkies and all that stuff and like ding-dongs and hoos. No. My mom never really gave us. Me neither. I was a yodel guy. I wanted them.

I'm a yodel guy. Like a motherfucker. They had a chocolate with the vanilla cream rolled up this way. You get two to a bag. Yes. Yotos. Yeah.

But somebody else calls him ho-hoes. Ho-ho. I'm a yo-ho. Yodo guy. I was also a devil-dog, motherfucker. The devil-dogs is a cream in the middle of two chocolate cakes that now tastes like dick. What were the ones like the chocolate cupcakes that had like little circles on the top? Hostess.

That's a hostess. That's a great, too. They used to be delicious. Not anymore. Stuff changed. They took the fat out of them. They took the mice out of the factory. When I was a kid, I used to go to hostess and sea corks.

Filty. Filthy. Filty. Filty. Filty. Filty. Filty. Fucking delicious.

Delicious. But nobody died? What was it? Now everything's sanitized and trans fats taken out and no flavor. It's like a... I lived in the north end of Boston, the Italian section when they first put in, I think it was a trans fat ban. It was one of the, whatever those kind of fats that you're not supposed to have. And they put a ban in.

And the guy of like the biggest Italian bakery in Boston went on the news and said, it's not going to be as good anymore. Just letting you guys know. And there's still lines down the block. but it's it's a Mike's pastry on Hanover Street in Boston. There's lines out the door all day every day. And when they made that bed, it's like, canolaes aren't going to taste the same anymore. Oh, man.

Freyhofer, Entomans. Entomans taste like shit, the chocolate donuts. But it used to. Then they went into all the fat-free stuff. Yeah, no. Entomins. I still look at entomins sometimes. I go, hmm, because those boxes of chocolate chip cookies I was raised on eating a box of those with chocolate.

with chocolate milk. That's just what you did. The chocolate donuts with the white balls, when you've been into it, the sugar balls fell all over you. That's what I did. I like the loaf cake. The Danish. The Danish.

The Danish. The Danish. Oh, my God. The Danish. My mom used to make this thing called Natija. It's a Cuban egg custard cinnamon. And you pour it over the sour cream pancake. No.

Oh, my God. And you put cinnamon on top. You put in the refrigerator. And the thing goes into the pound cake. Oh, my God. When my mother died, till this day, I won't eat nothing yet that somebody else makes just because it's a waste of the time. It's like egg.

It's like everything that you're going to gain weight. Like, I tell you what, put the six pounds on me. When I went to the radio station in Miami last week, they had condensed milk with something else mixed in a curry cookie. With both condensed milk and brown sugar. I'll do condensed milk and coffee. Oh, my God. Oh, my wife, too.

Coffee with condensed milk, like a Hawaiian coffee, Kona coffee. Oh, God. I don't care. Condensed milk will put 9-2-000. I still drink eggnog. I don't care. How good is that shit? Without the rum, the fucking egg-nog in the morning.

When you pop that motherfucker and drink it out of the fucking count carton, and it just goes down. Oh, my God. Oh, my fuck. Let me give some shout-outs. I'm getting fucking excited for you. Want to give some shout-outs to my name? main man. Jason Anderson. I love you,

cocksucker. Thanks for getting the patch and the rest of this stuff. Ahmed al-A-Mead, you bad motherfucker. That's another thing I got to answer that joke. I ate Sabrette, hot dogs, and Arabian water. I'll never get fucking... Ebola. Alex Bones-Jones, I love you.

Michael Alvarado, I love you too. Sam Man, stay black, Mitch Brown, David Repreza. Burgi, always a pleasure seeing you on the street. And yes, I did my main man, Cassius Morris, his podcast. His new podcast, are you like the 15-year-old kid? He's great.

This kid has gotten kissed to do his show. I wish we wouldn't done that at 15. We would have ran this fucking town by now. Fucking kid is making a spectacle of himself. He's a bad motherfucker. I really like him a lot, man. Yeah, he's great. What's happened, Lysiah?

Oh, my God. I'm still upset about Felipe with the vegan shit. I'm getting emails every day about the coconut. That was my favorite. The coconut's a good. Can't you just get the sauce? Come on. And then you kept rattling on names.

And you're like, hold on, I just want the sauce. I can tell when his wife came in a way, she didn't like the conversation. And that's why some of the other podcasts I've done, I haven't been as successful as this one. The big thing with that was that I looked at Joey's face and I could see him dying inside. And Philippe and him are great friends. So I was like, maybe he's not going to say anything. But I knew if I poked you a little bit. It was like a balloon.

and I just going to explode. And he kept saying shit about fucking the menu and the cake. And I'm like, is the grateful dead coming to your wedding? I mean, how many vegans do you know? I'm a fucking, I know people. I know three fucking vegans. I mean, unless vegans talk on the phone about recipes or send each other emails. They must run in packs.

You know, the vegans that I know look like they're dying. It's a weird thing. They look like they're dying. They're a couple of buddies of mine that have done it. And they, God bless you. lesson for trying it, but they just don't look the same. Like something's, like they've lost part of their soul and some, I don't know.

It's weird. You can't eat meat every day and you can't eat, you know, you can try eating the chicken and the fish. All in balance. Everything's in balance. I couldn't imagine. I crave a steak sometimes. Some days you're, I'd go for a big ass steak, but I'm not going to do it. I'll just have a piece of chicken with fucking rice or chicken terriaki or something. But I crave a fucking big red, goddamn steak that when you feel it,

you could feel your blood pressure. Heat were cavemen. I mean, let's thought. I mean, think about hunters and gatherers, right? My girlfriend doesn't really like steak. So it saves me a bunch of money. But every once in all, like, I would love to go get a medium rare. You got to do it.

You got to do it. You got to do it. A rib-bite right after this. With a baked potato and shit. A nice chopped salad. Shit. That, that chocolate cake at Mortons, we got that one time. Oh, my God.

Was the best. Is that that molten lava? Yeah. Oh, fuck. Granted, granted, we were so high, but. That, that, and I'll leave the whole. Nobody's touching I'm ordering one

Man, I just want to put my face Right in the middle It's God I know people who could go home at night I have a sweet tooth you guys man I don't know how people do it Like eat a whole cake Like I don't know

I don't even consider My wife will bake cakes every night If I let it And I tell it please don't fuck around See my grandparents did that So when we would go stay with them You like little mice At two in the morning you hear

Someone walking out Tiptoeing down the hallway Oh yeah Then you'd hear then the next person took down on and then I wake up and it's gone

everyone would have been up every hour because she would bake and make everything everything do you know do you know Betty Clarker

brownies like the red box that you can buy anywhere yeah they're just fine that's the brownies my mom makes

I'm seeing her this week and she's coming to the wedding too my mom was gonna make a pan and bring it

and drive it from Boston to Vermont because they're like they're not homemade but those are my favorite brownies in the world

and I had to She put an amazes No, I don't like nuts. I have to try them again when I was younger. I never liked all the nuts. You know what? It interrupts no nuts because it interrupts the experience. That's what I think.

I want smooth. If you got something you're biting into it, it stunts the experience. Listen, Derry Queen makes a good hot fudge Sunday, but it's a lot better with some nuts. That's true. That's an exception. Carvel, I love the hot fud sundae. I had to tell her not to do it, not to bring it.

No, no, you're crazy. It would have, especially the edges with a little bit too. I could eat an entire pan of brownies. I can do that. I can't. I can't. I can do it. I like food, food better too sometimes, but especially at night, I get a real big sweet tooth. Like that, I have to give those away probably today for most of them, because if I have that

at my house, the next time you give me an edible, I'm getting, I don't know how many calories is in that box, probably $2,000. $150 for the thing. So $300, so $150 a thing. You could eat one for breakfast, one for dinner. Yeah, but I'm talking about when you give me the edibles and the, and the, then I have munchies, that whole thing would be gone. It's tough as fucking nails.

What are you going to fuck? God's like that. You leave them and you're going up in Vermont. Yeah. It's nice up there, Lee. I used to go up there up New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, the whole area. Yeah, it brings me back to, in fourth grade, we did Vermont Odyssey, and it was the biggest thing in my school.

They would bring the fourth graders to lean to, like cabins, but without doors and windows in the Vermont woods, and you'd hike, and that, you'd, and that, you'd, and that, you'd, you'd, God, that trip was, I think they stopped it, but all throughout elementary school, you knew that trip was happening. So we can't do that anymore. That's a whole other thing. Yeah.

It's you can't do that anymore. Remember, we used to take field trips and we'd be out. Where'd you go to grammar school? I went to, moved around a bit. So I was in Scarsdale for a little bit. Then parents split up, and I went to Ohio for a couple of years, then back to New Jersey.

So I was bouncing around. I lived in New Hampshire for a few years. Where did you graduate in high school in Jersey or New Hampshire? New Jersey. Okay. Yeah. And that's why you went to Burden Community College, BCC. Exactly.

Now, William Patterson is the number one party school. That's where another guest, Vicki Pezzar, went to school. You went to Rutgers to Scarlet Knights. It was funny. A couple, well, last week they had the Garden on 30-30. We speak a lot about 30-30 here, and it was the Garden of Eden. When the Garden was Eden, the Mad Square Garden,

and one of the best games ever I went to watch there. were the Scarlet Knights of Rutgers against North Carolina with Michael Corrin and Bill Ford. And they had a guy named James Bailey, who was 6'9, who could fucking dunk from anywhere, the Scarlet Knights. It was a tremendous game. But the night before, I had gone to Shadow the Sacred Anthony team, the Sacred Anthony high school team.

I was in the 8th grade. So he kept, Hurley kept wanting me to go to St. Anthony. He was me and Whitey O'Donnell. So he made us go to an AAU game that was basically, That's why he's such a great coach, because his team would always be, even in the summer, they'd be participating as his team minus one. So they would always get to know each other. So we were an AAU thing, and they lost.

And they had this kid, Mandy Johnson, went to Marquette and stuff. And I remember he was yelling at his fucking play. It's like, tomorrow, if you're thinking of going to see North Carolina against Rutgers, don't go. You guys don't deserve to see Michael Corrin. He's from Jersey City, and he won a championship as a freshman. and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But I remember that he gave us the tickets

and going there and seeing Rutgers and shit. It was just mind-boggling for me. Till this day, I get goosebumps. You know, I watched the World Series last night. That was crazy. It's funny how you watch the UFC. And when you talk to UFC, people are telling you how it's the number one ground with fastness sport.

Well, guess what, bitch, you ain't never going to be as big as fucking baseball. And after Sunday's game, when I saw all those people going crazy in San Francisco, It's amazing what we perceive in what it is. Like a fucking American baseball is fucking huge, okay? Yeah. You're done. College football in this country is fucking huge, you know? You know, football, there's 19 games on a Sunday,

and you're worried about your 18,000 in fucking Mexico. Go fuck yourself. These guys do 10 fucking games on a Sunday, you know. Who's your team, your baseball team? You know, I watch it. All year long I listen to all these parts of the year, Listen to all these guys talk about baseball. I don't watch it one time.

And then this year I went to see the Giants against the Dodgers, the last week of September. On the Monday, I took my uncle, my uncle's 76-year-old Cuban guy who loves the Giants, you know, since he came from Cuba. So I took him. I said, you know what, I don't do much of my uncle. For years, I would go to Costco and I had two tickets for 50 bucks plus two hot dogs and two sodas. So I would take them every year twice. But now Costco, ever since Michael Jordan took over the team, there's no deal at the day. Dodgers for Costco. That's a great fucking deal.

I mean, you're definitely not going to get them put a fucking Lakers. Definitely not going to get two tickets to $50. And they'd upgrade you. They would upgrade you when you got to the stay and oh, you bought them at my Costco. We're going to give you field tickets. It was a great deal. So this year I didn't have a time, but I just went on line. I went to subway one day and they had

tickets for sale for $10, and I went home and looked them up and you sat up, you know, they gave you a napkin and shit and fucking dizzy spells. Because you're going to get dizzy where they're going to seat for $10. So I just went for it. My uncle went to see the Giants. And it was great.

I remembered how I grew up on baseball. I remembered how it's like fishing. It doesn't matter if you cheer or if you go fish. It's just wellness. I'm not going to fight nobody. I'm not going to yell. I'm just going to sit in a beautiful L.A. night. I love that.

Catch the end of the heat and get the clouds and watch the game. And I saw how much joy it brought to his face. And I felt better about it. So right there, I started following the Giants the rest of the year. That was it for me. I started watching baseball. And I grew up on baseball and the beauty of it. And I know the intricacies, you know,

my father had grown up with Tony Perez from the Cincinnati Reds. So every time the Reds would play the Mets, I would fucking get like boxed seats to the – and it was just – you know, we discussed it before when we had the fighter on from Ohio, how much I like the Cincinnati Reds growing up. And we're not to a couple of those games out in Cincinnati. What is it – is it Candle?

No. Candlestick is Pittsburgh No, it's River Three River Stadium I went there too Went out there We were talking about it last night Like the Baumgartner

finishing out the game It's the seventh game In the World Series 9th inning Two outs Like it's like That's what people Dream of Like that's what you would dream of

When you were playing basketball That's it Right when you go When you're fucking When you're fucking When the basketball Caut by yourself What are you

What are you envisioning in your mind? That's it I'm gonna score the first two points Of the game No there's two seconds left That's it Right on the buzzer. Yeah, right on the buzz.

I'm going to pop this. And that's what you're playing with in your mind. And the same, I mean, they left to have that season and to leave somebody on third. To have that season, Kansas City did, and to leave somebody on third. It's a heartbreaker. They're all killing themselves today. They all feel like shit, but they have nothing to feel like shit about it. They had no payroll.

They had, it was, you know, I was waiting for Brad Pitt to walk on the fucking field because they had no payroll. Nobody expected them to do anything. And it's a shame because maybe now they won't get broken up and maybe they'll stay together and play this year and then this year and then the year after. And then three years when they won two World Series, then the management realizes what they have

and they chop them up like a fucking company and get rid of them or some shit. So you went to BCC, then you went to Rutgers for a while? I did. And then you ended up in New York? I was actually out in San Francisco, American Conservatory Theater, spent some time out there.

Then back to New York. York? Because that's what everyone was doing. Everyone was, people start to talk about where you need to go to school. And I thought, if I'm going to do this seriously, and I didn't know at the time, like we were mentioning earlier, hindsight's always 2020, and I would have done it a little differently, but it was a good experience. And being in Manhattan and studying theater and going to shows every other night, and it's great. But once again, you're at, do I stay in New York, do I go to L.A.

and a lot of guys were coming out to L.A. And met a couple directors and decided to come out and never left. It's great. And what are you working on now? For about a year and a half, a documentary. On Jiu-Jitsu. On Jiu-Zitsu, but primarily, as a story goes, the history of Jiu-Jitsu through the Special Forces.

So back in the day, even preceded the dog brothers, but a lot of these guys from Inosano Academy that were training in Wai, Gikundo, and Kali ran into some guys that were special forces. And there's a combative program that existed at the time, but was a pretty basic karate. Some guys knew some wrestling, had a little bit of training, but nothing is intense and specific as what Dan Nassano was teaching and others. It was right around the time when Jiu-Jitsu just started to come out and get a name. And lo and behold, Higin Machado goes out to Virginia Naval Warfare

to train SEAL Team 6 guys. And I actually have it on footage, old grainy Super 8 footage, of a 21-year-old Higin Machado barely spoke any English with 10 seals lined up on a mat and one by one they come to him and he wraps them up and chokes them out. These guys are in top form, best shape of their lives,

super badass, and they're all getting tapped out and they're shaking their head going, what just happened here? And from then on, this guy, Pat Trey, who's become a really good friend of mine, 22 years in the SEAL teams,

became a Higa Machado, black belt and instructor under Dan Inasano and college. That's a guy that you guys were just at his school about a month ago. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I got to know him, hung out for a few years, and I decided it's an interesting story here that hasn't been told in terms of that lineage of how Jiu-Jitsu and other forms

of martial arts so deeply impacted some really incredible people. And what year was this when Higgin did this? He didn't. He didn't, it was early 90s. I'll show you some of the pictures on me. He's just this completely ripped scrawny, 21-year-old resilient guy who turned these guys into pretzels. And from that point on, Pat Trey and Frank Cucci and others on these SEAL teams said, we need to learn this stuff.

Once again, we're going to go to the best guys around the world. You know, go to Thailand, learn Wai Thai. Kali, which transfers into knife fighting for knife fighting skills, you know, hand-hand combat. Eric Paulson for combat submission wrestling. And they all became black belts and went on to start their own academies. And still train other forces around the world. So what they did was they created a hybrid of this and do an intensive combatives program. So I basically went back and forth to Virginia, interviewed a bunch of guys in Asano, Machadoes,

stayed with Pat Trey, went down to Virginia Beach. to meet his buddy Frank Cucci, Seal Team 6 guy, and put together a documentary. And it's also my way of giving back to how this impacted my life, starting karate at 11 years of age and wrestling, and then finally, Jiu-Jitsu and college. You can do all this. But the amazing people that I've met along the way and kind of bringing it all back to the source. So I'm editing, just talk to a composer about cutting some music for it, still have a few interviews to do, but that's a passion project.

And once again, just around guys that I love and admire and want to tell the story. It's almost too bad with documentaries that you can't put out like a 20-hour documentary. And I mean, Ken Burns does put out really long ones. But the amount of stuff, like the amount of knowledge you must have now on those people and like the history of, Jiu-Jitsu. It's almost too bad you have to make it an hour. It would be a mini-series, exactly. Right.

It's like a, it would be about a 20-hour miniseries. Yeah. No, it's a, and even the stuff that isn't necessarily, it's not that it's not entertaining, but it wouldn't keep people's attention to you're like, okay, we have to cut this. Right. Some of that stuff, if people just gave it a chance,

would be so great. And you know as an editor, so much of it is just peeling, away the layers and the hard part is pouring through hours and hours of footage and saying, I want this. And then like you said, some guy goes, yeah, but it doesn't propel the story through and some people aren't going to be interested. You've got to keep it really tight. And I go, wow, so this is going to get, I'm going to have this condensed to an hour and a half. That's the hardest part of all of it. My favorite thing making was documentaries and it's hard when you make it and edit it because

when you make it, you get so attached to it. It's good to have an editor who had no. he has no background with this he's like okay we'll cut this I can't imagine how many hours of footage did you get for it must be hundreds it's hundreds and then it's going to be 90 minutes less than 90 minutes of it shot over about

two and a half years it's going to get cut down to 90 minutes and yeah it's that that process is one that nobody understands till they're in it because there's so much footage and then I'll go back and look over some stuff

that I shot a year ago and they're priceless in Asano talking about Bruce and says a quote and then talks about, well, Pat Trey and when Pat was on his mission and he came back and I go, that's got to be in there, but you can't. Or I'm almost going, it's going to have to be another documentary. You know, it's tough. It's a dance around all that.

Probably the most fun we had making the documentary with Joey was we went to his buddy's house, to know his grandma's house, where Joey stayed for a few months. And the most fun I had was George was trying to get his grandma to eat, and they were talking to his grandma about black people, and she didn't like him. And I don't think we used that very much of that scene in the thing because it didn't really do anything for it. But they always have these things where you can win a day on set or win to follow this guy.

Like, it would be great if you had a documentary director you really loved to follow him around while they're making it. Because you'll get... Oh, the making of behind the scenes sometimes, there was some behind scenes. scenes footage. I had two camera guys that were filming me talking to Higin, Pat and Dan in Asano, and our interchange, when they didn't know the camera on, this is another interesting phenomenon, when these guys didn't know the camera was on, is when they're really relaxed and letting the gems fly. And like you said, that could almost have been its own separate, let's have camera guys follow you around trying to get these interviews and kind of everyone

talking off the record. It kills me. Not every time, but there's been times where we've had a guest in and had a better podcast before the podcast. And then when we know we're recording, I don't know what it is, but it gets changed a little bit. You know, Mamet always said, it's interesting when he was directing on a set. He said something happens when you yell action. Something goes on. And suddenly the guy that was relaxed and having this interchange turns into a mannequin. And he says, why is it that when all the extras are hanging around the craft service table, they're relaxed and everything's, real, but turn the camera on and people, it's suddenly robot. You know, that's the same sort of thing. It's a, I was trying, once I saw that from then on, I was always trying to just turn the camera on

a little early, have a regular conversation to see what would come out. And it got some pretty cool stuff. But at the end of the day, it's been a, it's been an amazing journey. And that, that once again, I blessed to have been around some amazing people. These guys are incredible. They're the best of what they do. They've devoted their entire lives. When you're around people that have devoted their entire lives in pursuit of something, it's pretty powerful.

And the stories of what these guys have been through and what they've done is remarkable. And once again, these are people that said, look, I want to be as good as I can get at this. Where do I have to go to do it? and who do I need to find? And that's what they did. You know, I look at my journey sometimes. I sit there when I did grudge match. You know, I get there and I'm on a set with these people.

And naturally, I'm intimidated. That's your, you start thinking about all your flaws and your insecurities. And then you, you know, the Niro comes over and shakes your hand and says, you're Joey. Yeah, how are you? And you talk a little bit. And then you rehearse and the camera comes on, you do your first scene. And you can't, you know, it was strong for me. I went back to the room.

and I had to sit there and not smoke dope, and I jumped just jumped in the shadow. And I sat there and looked at the hot water at me, and I thought about what had happened to me. Just what just happened to me? You know what? Without acting classes and all, and I had taken acting classes,

and I got, for the role, I got coached and everything. I mean, I didn't fly him down, I got coached up here, and I made notes. But it was amazing, I became that much better after I went back to my room, just being in the scene with him. But I also realized something else. I realize, and I don't mean to,

People who listen to the podcast know you'll never hear this from me, but I'm telling you, just so you know how I felt that I was that good. Like, I felt that good on the set. Like, I never had problems. Like, everything was natural to me. That even afterward, that kid that's really hot right now, what's the kid that's really fucking hot? Kevin Hart?

No, John Bernard. He's in that fucking movie with that Fury that you went to see last week. Oh. When I played De Niro's son and Grudge Match. Oh, okay. John, whatever his name is. It's the hottest fucking actor right now. Came over to me, and we started talking about comedy,

how to incorporate comedy into stand-up. Like, he was like, oh, my God, you just incorporated humor. Like, I've never seen him. John Benthal? John Benthal. John Benthal, whatever. And it was so weird that I went home. Oh, my God, that's weird that he said that to me.

Okay, so now we have that on the control. And I'm good on the set. You don't have to come and tell me Joey stand over here. I know the fucking angles. I know everything. I know where's the camera going to be there and we have another one in the back. Boom, I know how to play the both of them.

I learned this from getting on a thousand movies and doing a thousand TV shows. So we got that. Then we have this new thing called podcasting. And podcasting, we saw last night when somebody's bad at podcasting, when somebody tries to tell jokes from their routine with no setups.

And then how you learn to incorporate life with your routines to make it seem like it's conversational and that's what we do here at night when I'm going through the things and I'm right in here I'm like oh I'll tell that story but this is you follow me so now we have that now we have stand-up so I've become it's become this g-cundo of ways and I'm a mediocre writer you know like I could write a book if I had I could write a script if I had to have I have to do it no but I if I could sit with somebody in the room and and write with them and say, oh, I don't like that there or whatever. So in a way, the weakest element I have is the writing, which is my back game.

You know, I'm great on top of you. You're not going nowhere. You could probably get me into half-goat. You're going to sweat. So my element's going to be fucking, but I become, it's a G-Cundo. I'm not just a comic no more. I'm not just a comic no more. And I'll sit there and go, how did I become a comedian, podcaster, an actor, and a writer?

How did this title get put on my fucking head? I'm not a producer. I'm none of those things. I'm a writer or a fucking cop. It's a life experience. It was a journey. It was a 20-year fucking journey. You know, a Magnol, when you go to that guy, he's very wrestling-based.

Jiu-Jitsu. It's a very wrestling-based jujitsu. You know, my thing is a very, whatever, dirty type act that looks improvised, but really isn't. You know, whatever the fuck you want to call it. But it's so weird that I made this journey, and I made the commitment. If you were going to tell me when I was 28, but I'd be doing this right now. Oh, would I laugh in your fucking face?

I'd just laugh in your fucking face until you were a jerk off and your psychic abilities are fucking disgusting, you know? So, like, I know you have said that you didn't think you were and get to this age, but when you were 28, if you could imagine being alive at this age, what would you have thought you'd be doing? Hiding from the cops. Really, still?

I didn't see any other way to get out. I thought I was the kiss of death. But when you were a kid, because we all sat around and daydreamed about what we wanted to do, like the baseball player that was hitting the balls right into the lights, shattering the lights, or the astronaut, whatever it was. There must have been some dream you had as a kid when you were a daydream.

Well, yeah, you had a dream of being a lawyer. Like the idea of being maybe a cop. And then when you're 15, yeah, everybody wants to be Julius serving. And that was the first dream that got crushed under my feet that I really reacted to. Like, it really took me off my sales because I quit. That was the first time I quit something. Like, I quit high school basketball.

And it was so traumatizing, I had to quit high school. I couldn't even look at those people with their fucking uniforms because I was a lot better than them. I just didn't know how to put it together. You know what I didn't have? Discipline. I didn't. My wife and I talk about this all the time. How many people come here?

You just mentioned it tonight. they're great in college, but then they come here and... They fall apart. They fall apart. It becomes real. It becomes real, and it makes you want to act a certain way, and you know you can't carry that every fucking day,

so you're not even going to deal with it. I had a friend who's a funny guy. I came from Texas, did three or four shows, and all of a sudden. His father got ill in Texas, and he had to go back, and I'll be back in three months. That was five years ago.

He's gone. He just knew. He just knew for him to move here and to keep it up to that fucking level and to do all these things, he had a continue a thing of work. When I go to Jiu-Jitsu,

I know I'm not going to go there two days a week and become a world champion. Eventually, I got to go for, I don't want to be a world champion, but I know that if I was a young kid, 22, I know that after six months, I got to do or die here.

Either I come to every class, six days a week, and that's the same thing with comedy. There's a point where you go, you know what? This is not working. Either I got to work a little harder, or I'm just going to quit.

It'd be easiest to quit. It would really be a lot of easier just to not fucking do this, you know. And that's why we're all in this room. Let me give a fucking shout out to the sponsor. We get the fuck out of you. How's that one for you? How's that one for you, Lisa, and then you're on a plane, edible free for the weekend. But we're back.

Maple syrup. Tuesday night, Monday night. Monday and Tuesday. We're back next week going deeper than deep. The chef is preparing a new lemon cake for you. He told me today. that's going to knock you into fucking orbit. You like these new glasses?

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mind. You might get the salt and pepper chickpeas. Don't come fucking crying with me when your assholes on fire while you're eating. No, but it's cool because they ask you like, do you like chewy things? Do you like crunchy things? And just be honest. And then they'll send you stuff. And you're going to like, I liked everything in the bag where you're going to like 75% of it. I'm telling you right now. You don't fucking love. The baby ate the fig things they sent me the raspberry figs, which are fucking delicious. I didn't try those. Listen, there's very seldom when they'll send you something that you won't go, wow. This is fucking tremendous. You look at the caloric intake.

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and press in... Joey. In the box and get 20% off your first order. You're not going to be sorry. The shirt I wore yesterday, the Rashgard, that's a Miandi shirt. People wear $10,000 for Rashgard. I wore a meandi shirt.

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The best, again, the best, the heaviest vapor pen on the market today. If the coil burns out of something, you call Dave Direct, bam, you got a new one sent to your house, no fucking questions asked. Where do you get that type of customer service? That Sprint ain't going to give you that. Bounter Check at Bank of America.

See how long it takes you to get a Hindu on the phone. Call Dave, he answers the phone within 10 minutes. Also, the Academy. We got Martin Wheeler teaching Sistema. We got fucking, what's his name, teaching MMA? John Lewis. John Lewis. And we got Higin Machado.

You get two free weeks when you mentioned Joey Diaz. Two free weeks. You go down there, whether it's Sistema, Taekwondo, where you just want to hang out with Dave and talk about French recipes. Go down there right now to the Academy of Beverly Hills. They ain't fucking around. Two weeks for free.

Tell Dave Uncle Joey sent you, and you'll be straight. All right, that's it. What the fuck else you want? It's Thursday. You don't want to tell you something for you fucking pussies. I don't know if you know this about America. For you little pussies that are getting ready for fucking. It's trick-a-threat.

We're going to a party, you fucking faggot. Let me tell you what tonight was. Tonight's for fucking gangsters. Tonight's devil's night. started in Detroit. That's where the movie The Crow came from. Devil's Night is the night before. That's the night Hasidic Jews don't even come out

because they get bombarded with eggs and fucking flower bags, right in Jersey? How many eggs you throw in that sick juice today? Tonight you got eggs right now that have been under the bed since October 1. You've got a needlehole in them. Your whole house stinks like dead fucking something. Your mom's walking around.

What is that smell? You're like, nothing, mom, nothing. Under your bed, those eggs are getting fermented right now. Tonight, you take socks, you put flowers, you take all the old shit that's in your house and you go to war. They used to kill people on night. Tonight's devil's night.

You got to sacrifice somebody. You would make eggs go rotten and then throw them in a Hasidic Jews? You don't know how bad it stinks. I have a guess. He smells like an Iranian. So when a Jew smells like an Iranian, he can't handle it.

He just starts fucking shaking his head and shit, and it's fucking horrible. Trust me, tonight's devil's night for all you busties. He's there at home. Well, tomorrow, we're going to do a grammar blow. Fuck you. It starts tonight, bitch.

It's devil's night. Tonight's the night. When you see who the devil really is and you tell that motherfucker to suck your dick. You understand me? Noah Bowling your future. That's it. What do you want to talk about, Lee? You're getting ready to go to a wedding, you're cuckers. No more weddings for you.

You, what's up with you? I look good in the tux, though. You don't fucking look good. I look amazing in the tux. Get the fuck out of here. What color of tux? What color text? It's like darkish gray, I think. It looks nice. Did you get a fucking gel for your hair? I don't have hair. I have to go ahead.

You got a hair cut after this. You got a fake ponytail. So you're telling you're a director from Israel or some shit. Just a glue on ponytail. That's it. or fuck? And then they'll pull it off like Steven Seagallin, that movie, who shot Bobby motherfucking Lupo. Who shot Bobby Lupo? Did you ever figure it out? I'm not sure. I love you guys.

This week, next week starting the sixth, I'm in San Francisco at the punchline, the week after that, I'm in Portland, a helium. Hugh Fitzgerald, where can they find you for martial art classes, advice, anything? You're a fucking knowledgeable guy. Listen, BudaConfilms.com is my blog. updates on the documentary which I'm working on. I'm real happy about How do you spell that? B-U-D-O-K-A-N-F-I-L-M-S.

Boudic-K-O-K-N-S. Boudic-K-K-O-K-N-S. See, Boudic-Kan used to be big, but they don't make live albums there, no more. Nobody knows about Boudicom. That was a cheap trick. I think Judas Priest also made their album in Boudicom, the one was unleashed in the East. That's right. But Boudicom don't like white people there. Somebody got caught with heroin. Who got caught with? Somebody got caught with something in there.

Must have been a guy from Rolling Stones. Rolling Stones, yeah. somebody from the Rolling Stones. And then you're on Twitter, too. I'm on Twitter and Budacomtecone 2006 and at the Academy, Beverly Hills. Awesome. Yeah.

I love you guys. Have a great weekend. Stay Black. What do we closing with me? I don't know. I'm about a little snow blind by Black Sabbath. Nice. Let's fucking hit them hard.

Why fuck around. You understand me? Stay black. I want to thank my sponsors on at Naturebox.com. Meundies.com. And nailed it life. I want to give shout-outs to everybody again. Jason Anderson.

I love you. Cocks. Have a great weekend. When are you putting up the live podcast? I'm going to put it up, I think, Sunday night. Sunday night. So they can have it for Monday morning? There you go.

So November starts off fucking beautiful for you. Don't forget to vote next week unless you got felonies. Stay home and mind your business. Because if you do the paperwork, then they'll remember you have felonies. Then they'll be back on your ass. And that BB gun you're walking around where you're going to go do time. Have a great weekend. Remember, we love you.

Throw a kiss at these motherfuckers. All right. Lee, what the fuck? Throw some Jew fucking bad luck on him. Whamemem? Shoot a, give Gaza some love. All right. We love you.

I'm going to stay black and have a great weekend. Devil's Night. Now that the show is over, don't forget to go to naturebox.com and sign up to get your free sampler box of great tasting, healthy snacks. Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with healthy, delicious treats like barbecue kettle kernels. Go to naturebox.com slash joey.

That's naturebox.com slash joey to get your entirely free nature box sampler box. The show is also sponsored by Onit.com. Go there to get Applebrain, new mood. Immune, Shrmtex Sport, any of their great products get 10% off when you use code word church. This show is also sponsored by meundies.com. Go there to check out the different styles of underwear they have for men and women. They have hot looking boy shorts.

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