The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #227 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

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It's going to be a beautiful day to be alive. What's happening? You bad motherfuckers. Uncle Joey here Monday, the 20 motherfucking third of January. It's a beautiful day to be alive. And it's going to be a beautiful fucking week to be alive. I've been doing great.

Sorry, I've been cutting it down to just one podcast a week, but that's all I can handle right now. I got a couple other things out of my plate. You know, I'm raising a family. I'm fucking put a book on. On audio, it's been a fucking nightmare, so work with me. We'll get this party started back up probably in March or something like that.

But a lot of shit's been going on, a lot of stuff in the news. And I'm going to talk to you about one thing that's been on the news, and it's bothered me since fucking day one. And I tried to think about this, and, you know, not everybody's an actor, not everybody's a comic, and I'm aware of that. And sometimes I come on a podcast where I go on some of these podcasts, and I try to make, you know, distinctions like to explain to you guys what I feel about acting or, you know,

whatever the fuck's going on at the time. This, uh, whatever this fucking name is Russ, the Rush shooting, Alex Baldwin. This has been on everybody, you know, the decision got put out last week, and then nobody really said anything about it. Like, I didn't see anything. It's not like I'm looking.

And then yesterday morning, I saw there was something on CBS morning, uh, whatever about it and what they're saying. and now the screen actors guild is backing them and shit like that. Let's take it to the beginning here. So you guys know, you have, and I think I've gone over this already, you've got, you have a couple different categories when you're shooting a SAG movie. Okay, when you're shooting a union movie, you have different categories.

You have scale, which is what you work for, which is, I don't know what it is now. It's $6.59 a day plus 10. Maybe it's $6.79 doesn't matter for the story. and then you have a sag it's called something else like a lower budget and that's 456 a day at least it used to be

and then you have what's called like I don't know it's 250 a day then you got a hundred a day and then you got $50 a day yes there's movies that they pay you $50 a day for and they pay it with a fucking straight face okay

You know, when you get to Hollywood and you join the Screen Actors Guild, you have to build a resume, okay? And you do what you can. Like for me, in my case, I was talking to a guy, I checked in with him yesterday. We've been friends for 25 years. We met on both of ours first short film. Like it was his first short film and my first short film. And it was a mobster movie.

It was called another Bobby O'Harris story. Okay? And that was like SAG, no payment. Like there's no payment. They basically got no budget, you know? Now you go, Joey, why would you do a free movie? Well, because you have to learn your craft. You don't want to go on a big 650 a day movie and fuck it up and then never work again.

So what you do is you start off small. Now, in my case, guys, let me tell you my fucking history of shooting. I shot a college film when I was in college, not prison college, but college college at the University of Colorado. And it won some film festival or something. I didn't go, you know. It was a student film. And then I did an industrial corporate video in Seattle when I was coming up. And then I moved to L.A.

And the first thing I booked was a John Fogarty video. And, yeah. Yeah. Did you see it? Like a hurricane. Did they even show me? No. You can't.

Oh, I am in it? Because I remember like a split second. And then I had no film experience or nothing. And then boom, I got lucky and I booked basketball. And I had no idea what I was doing, guys. I mean, no fucking idea, right? And then I went on that movie and I got a little, you know, I didn't do as well as I wanted to.

Nobody said nothing to me. But I just knew. by their reaction that I didn't know what I was doing. And that's fine. I didn't. I wasn't supposed to know what I was doing. In fact, when I booked that movie, I was walking by the audition. I was walking by the audition.

And she goes, are you here for the audition? And you know me? I'm like, yeah. If you're asking me if I'm here, that means I can read for it. Like I'm ready for it. She didn't know who I was. She made a mistake and I made a mistake. And I went in there and just booked it off of fucking watching movies all those years.

Just like a beat, whatever. I didn't know what I was doing. And I got put in basketball. I had no idea. When I got to that set, guys, I didn't even know when they would say hit the marks. I didn't even know hit the marks. Hit the marks to stand on your line. They put lines and you stand on that.

I didn't even know that. They kept saying, sir, can you please stand in your mark? I had no idea what they were talking about. So as soon as basketball was over, I fucking was embarrassed to shit. And I got into like a low-end acting class. you know, they teach you basic shit, you know, beats and you do scenes. And then I took a cold reading workshop. And I learned from the teachers, they're like, listen, man, we know you do stand-up and stuff,

but you want to get your feet wet. You want to do different films. So I must have done, guys, no exaggeration. Let's put a decent number on it. 12 to 15 college films that you'll never see, that nobody will ever see. But it was, I did this one I got to tell you about. It was about valets. do robberies in the valley.

And we were at a, like, I didn't even live in the valley. Then when I shot this, I knew nothing about the valley. And ended up years later, I ended up going to that restaurant where my wife was called Michellies. Was it Machellies? No, no, that's in Hollywood. This was up in the valley. It doesn't really matter.

We played valet guys that people would come in and we'd steal their cars, take their keys, go to the house, and rob them while they were eating dinner. And I'll never forget that. When I got there was an all Chinese crew. I'm like, what the fuck is this? Everybody's Chinese. I didn't care. They're probably a lot better than me at shooting.

I don't know. And when they screened the movie, I happened to go to that one because it was like right across street from the comedy store or something. And all they shot were feet. Obviously, they didn't know what they were doing either. All you saw was legs.

You saw me one time, my head, that's it. Everything you saw was the legs running to them back to cars. So everybody's learning. It's a learning process, guys. So you'll say to me, Joey, like, you did Spider-Man too. You got to do those shitty films to get to where you're going. I did all those.

And then I just sat back and I booked Mad TV. That's Screen Actors Guild, but that's not a movie. And then I booked, and then I started booking, you know, analyze that and taxi and you guys know the rest of the story. But in there, I mean, I can't come to my mind now. how many, you know, the first movie I shot that was in scale was $2.50. And it was very easy. I had to go to Venice. I played a producer.

And, you know, whatever. They paid. I think I worked two days, total of $500, whatever. No big deal. But that's the first time. And then I started, when you guys see those dogs that save Christmas and the dog that save Halloween and all those Disney movies, they're $100 a day movies. I didn't mind doing them, guys.

You know me, I got no ego, but let me tell you what happens. Okay? When you shoot a movie, I'm a writer, right? Let's say I'm a writer, and I write a script. And I write a script about my family, and I'm very connected to it. You know, I'm very connected to this script. The script has a meaning to me. And I fucking talk to Pacino.

I'm just throwing names here, guys. I don't want you to... You talk to Pacino. I talk to Pacino, and I talk to all their agents. I talk to Christopher Walkin. and we get them on board. I got an $11 million budget on this movie. I went out and raised $11 million from some hedge fund or whatever.

And then what happens, as we're going to shoot the movie, something happens. The watch hedge fudge guys go, well, we thought you were going to get Ray Leota. We didn't agree on fucking, you know, Pacino. We're pulling our money out. And now you're left with $5 million. That categorizes your movie.

a different movie. I'm not sure what the sag things are. And I don't, I'm talking out of my ass here. It comes to its budget. So if you don't have the budget for a screen, a scale movie, then it breaks down a 450 a day or 250 a day and whatnot. So when you're broke, right, and you go to the supermarket, right? If you got $20, and that's what you're going to eat for the week,

and you go to the supermarket, you're not going to get Canada dry ginger ale. You're going to get fucking Malukia ginger ale. You know, Tom and Jerry's ginger ale. You're not going to get Boershead. You're going to get fucking Oscar Meyer's cousin, fucking salami. You know what I'm saying? You're not going to get the good eye. You're not going to get briars.

You're going to get fucking funky coal ice cream. There might be a hair in there or a fingernail or a fucking toenail. The same thing happens with movies. But me being blinded by the light of my project, what I wrote, seriously. you're blinded by the light when they call you up and go hey you know this is our budget

$900,000 now you have to look at your script and go oh shit I can't burn that car on fire because that's going to cost $8,000 you know what I'm saying to you so all these things get cut out of your movie

and then what's the next thing you do you start cutting out you know what I really want Joey Diaz for this role I really want him for this role. I need somebody comedically for this role. I can't afford Joey. What the screen actors guild wants me to pay him, I can't afford Joey. You reach out to Joey and make an offer, or you get Joey Light.

You know what I'm saying? Like somebody who's Joey Light, I don't know. You know what I'm saying? And that's what happens. So you didn't get to shoot the project. Do you want it because there's not enough money? Now, again, Before we get into this shit, I shot all those.

I earned my stripes, guys. It's not like I walked on a set with a scarf on. No, I earned my fucking stripes. I did those student films where they shot my feet, where you have to shoot at night. You're pulling all nighters on these. Then I'm going to pay you in the fucking daytime because they can't afford the businesses.

So if I want to use holstons like the Sopranos and I want to use in the daytime, they're going to give me a number. I got to take whatever they make for the day, I got to pay them twice. So if Holstons make $3,000 a day, I got to pay them $5 grand for the fucking day. But if I use it at night,

they just want $1,000 and clean the place up. But all these things, fuck the actor. You know what I'm saying? So while you're getting your dream movie made, my script, you're overlooking, you know, now we can't eat steak on Friday no more. We're going to eat co-cuts. Now, you follow what I'm saying?

to you. So I did all those guys. I did from 1998 to probably 2010, no, 2013. I must have done. And you could check my fucking IMDB. I know a couple weeks ago. Some guy did a reel of all my movies and shit like that. I saw things I didn't even fucking remember. And he had a list of movies that I did that he couldn't get a

hold of. You know, I don't remember these fucking things. But my point is, that after you do a bunch of a lot, like when I did the dog save Halloween, how to do my own fucking stunts. I'm pouring a fucking pounds. I'm falling down the stairs by myself. There's no stunt man. Then I'm going to get a stunt man to match you.

When I did the longest yard, they had a dude to match my body type that you guys never get to see. He still runs around Hollywood saying, that was Joey Diaz's body double in the longest yard. Good guy. But, you know, when you do those movies,

you're not going to have a buddy double. They can't have fucking afford one. So you shoot in dismal conditions. I still remember going on Spider-Man too, where they had lobster tails on Fridays. And, you know, when you walk in, they had three fucking gallons of pomegranate juice at $25 a gallon.

And I would just pick one up and take it to my fucking room. And then for Spider-Man, like when you'd walk to the set, there'd be a guy that would fucking walk you, open the door for you and tell you that, don't step on the cables. I don't want you to get electrocuted. And you walk in and he walks you to your destination. When you do a 100-dollar-day movie, nobody walks you.

You know, when you do a 600-hour-day movie, the girls come in, oh, what do you need, a suit? Yeah, they come in, they measure you and shit. When you do a 100-a-old-day movie, they just call you and go, you have a suit at the house? Bring it in. We'll work with it. So do you understand what I'm trying to tell you here?

When you work on a scale movie, there's two chicks that are like, come on, let's do this, put these pair of shoes on. When you're fucking on a 100-dollar-day movie, You're by your fucking self. You know, there's nobody there to help you. Nobody to take the lint off your fucking jacket because you sat on the chair and the chick before you had a cat. Now that hair is going to come out on the fucking screen.

You know, you ever see a movie and you see a mistake? Like a fucking mistake. Like somebody shot a stand-up special a couple years ago and he forgot that he had a string on his. Yeah, I remember that. I forget it was, but yeah. Yeah, you know, this is what low budget is. That's what you're going to get.

Now let's cover the other end of the situation. The other spectrum of this fucking situation is weapons on the set. Guys, somebody told me once, Joey, how many times do you get shot in movies? You know, I got shot in movies like you wouldn't fucking believe, okay? And I'll tell you, I never did a movie before Brandon Lee's death. But I did a ton of movies after 1990 fucking nine, okay? I don't know how many movies.

I've been shot at or killed or whatever. I'm going to tell you what the protocol is. Just so you guys know at home. You're ready? It's this fucking easy. You get on a set. Everybody welcomes you. How you doing?

Nice to meet you. I'm the first AD. I'm wardrobe. I'm this. I'm the cook. Nice to meet you. Okay, we're going to go to your trailer. Relax for 10, 15 minutes.

Put your stuff down. Get your head together. We'll come in. We'll bring in your wardrobe. And then people coming to talk to you. This is your first day. So now you get like the wardrobe chick comes in to check of your sizes or whatever. Or to bring your clothes in, you've already been to wardrobe.

Then a guy comes in and throws paperwork at you. You got to do 22 pages of paperwork. Right when you get there, you know, everything they already have. Your name, address, all that shit. Then the armorer comes in. And he introduces himself. He tells you what scene number you're in, what they expect to you. Like on this scene, you're going to be shooting.

him or he's gonna be shooting you. Hey, they just break it down. Don't worry about it. We'll go over it and blocking. And they introduced himself and they talk to you. Once you get dressed and go through the hoopla, once you get to that shoot scene, they really put attention to that shoot scene, okay?

And when it's time for them to hand the gun to you, they turn the gun around, and if it's a revolver, they pop the revolver, and they show you the inside of it. if it's a fucking, you know, an automatic, they pop and show you the bullet in the chamber, shotgun, whatever the fuck you're carrying, okay?

You get to examine it, close it, and then you get to do your scene. When that scene is over, no, no, no. When that take is over, you ready for this? Not when the scene is over. As soon as you shoot them and they go, action, cut. The guy comes over again, takes the weapon from you, examines it, and before they take another take,

he opens the weapon again shows it to you and you do it again this is over and over and you're there like come on guy you're gonna show me the weapon every two minutes but because of Brandon Lee you're like I'll take a look at that I don't want to shoot somebody

and I don't want to be shot by nobody this is just common fucking sense okay so I've been on those sets and they show you the fucking gun and they do the whole fucking thing and this is it this is what it is now let me tell you what went wrong in fucking New Mexico.

Let me tell you what weren't wrong. Now, when I go into this, I don't want you to go, Joey, but you don't have a big fan of Alec Baldwin. I'm not a big fan of movies, and I'm a fan of humanity. So I'm going to take that out of the fucking equation here. You have a $100 day movie,

and you got guns on that movie. Okay? If you listen to the story, they wanted the armorer, and they couldn't get him, so they went with the daughter instead. Because instead of having to pay her a thousand, $1,000 a day, they probably paid her $150 a day.

I don't know. You have to look at the documents. I'm just telling you what I know, what I work on those fucking movies. The food quality is bad. You know, because you have to cut costs. Not to mention they were shooting during COVID. Now, I don't know what it adds to a TV, a movie, but I know the TV show, like CBS, NBC, Fox. when you shoot an episodic, it adds $400,000 to the budget

to have COVID testing, and that's for TV, and they spend a lot of money, and they do it. I'm not saying that's what it was for that movie, but it had to be up there, and it affects the bottom line, like what we talk about. So now, if you were thinking of having a car explosion, you definitely have to cut it out because you've got to pay for COVID, whatever.

So this movie was shot during COVID. Four or five days before the shooting, started quitting the set because it was unsafe because they were like Yahoo's down there they were like fucking Cubans on the fort they were like Cubans on the fifth when they get the check from the government

they were fucking doing bullet practice what's that they were doing target practice with bottles and they were using real guns they were using real bullets okay so now they had bullets scattered on like a barrel and they had

so right there alone that's negligence But let me tell you something, when you work with a fucking armorer, that's like a fucking Marine or he's an ex-cop. There's no fucking target practice. Okay? You follow them saying to you? So right there, that's all negligence. Number two, now is when we get into the Baldwin situation.

This is a guy with a huge fucking ego. Now, I've been on sets with huge egos. They do, they push the boundaries to let everybody else know how strong and important they are. Do you follow I'm saying to you? They push the boundaries to push the flex on you, to let you know what they could get away with, and you're never going to get away with that because I'm Alec Baldwin or whoever the fuck the ego over the week is.

And that's happened ton. I saw it on the many saints in Newark. I saw it on every movie I worked on. There's always that one guy that he's a little bit more special than everybody. So he's going to, and in this case, If you know anything about Alex Baldwin, it was Alex Baldwin. Remember years ago when he got thrown off the plane? Because he wouldn't shut his phone off because he was playing like a fucking pocket game or something.

You know, this is the ego we're fucking playing with here. So think about this guy on this set. And just think about his attitude. I could just imagine how he was walking around this fucking set. You know, and those sets, what burns me up about those Honoladay sets. I worked on a movie called Boilermaker. A bunch of fucking dickheads in the end of the day. It was a 23-day movie, and we had to shoot 23 days in a row.

Because you were shooting, it was a, you know, like a cast where everybody was going to be in the scene. It was an AA meeting, so everybody was going to be in the scene. So there was no days off for anybody. So you had to work 23 days in a row. And I get there, and the first day they're great. But I look at the craft service table. That's a little like, guys. Should I be angry?

In a general, in a regular day, I shouldn't be angry. But let me tell you something, guys. I just want to tell you what I pay out. Okay? When I shoot something, I pay out 10% commission to my agent. and then I pay four times a month I got to pay SAG a fee. I don't know what it is, 140, right, 140, maybe 150 a quarter. And then at the end of the year, they tax me on all the commissions I, all the residuals I get,

and anything I shot, I have to give them back 2%. Okay, they bill me on that on the 35%. 1st of December. So it cost me about $800,900 to be a member of SAG every year. I know I'm a fucking moron. I know. And that's for everybody with the exception, you know, whether you're making $80,000 a year or not, that's what you're fucking paying. So now let me ask you this. I'm paying this type of money. When I shoot a fucking movie, everything better be in fucking order. You know, my first five movies I went in there with my nose wide open, and I did whatever the fuck they told me to.

But after you start getting hit, I'm paying for this, guys. I pay a lot of fucking money to screen actors guilt. And they want me to make like $30,000 a year to gain insurance. So on all this shit, guys, I want you to know. I'm not whining here. What I'm fucking telling you is that I pay a lot of money. So when I pay a lot of fucking money and I go on that set and I look at a fucking crap service table now what do I want from a crap service table? Potato chips some fucking fruit

Some sodas some cereal maybe some granola Just to keep everybody happy some sugar, you know Not for me, but for everybody else These motherfuckers had like 10 bags of peanuts on a fucking table I didn't say nothing and they make this work on Sundays now When you pull somebody away from their family on a Sunday, do me a favor. Make them feel like they're special. Buy them a cup of fucking Starbucks.

You know, when they get there, have fucking McDonald's Egg McMuffins. That shows me that you care. No, I get there on a fucking Sunday and there's nothing on that fucking table. And it's going to be a 12-hour day. And we're not breaking the first six hours for lunch. you know if you want a snack you go over there you get an apple you get a fucking you-hoo they had nothing i threw a fucking connip shit i just went off i was just getting off coke it was like my fifth day off powder i fucking went off in there they had asked me to go home and i said i'll be back

tomorrow they better be fucking food on that table i was pissed you know when you're getting off drugs you crave them fucking sugar and shit yeah i get there on a fucking sunda there's nothing and then like a year I shot a thing called Raphaelos. And these guys were paying me $100 a day. To be honest to you guys, they said they would pay me cash. That's the only reason why I did it. Because it was a night shoot, and I know from there I could get to $100 and go buy a bag of Coke.

And that's the only reason why I fucking did it. It was a pizza play. And they were all over, L.A., Raphaelos. Raphaelos was a weird thing, because Raphaelos was, like, the dumbest thing I ever shot in my life, was a $100 a dollar a day. The first night I got there, I was pissed off because there was nothing on that fucking craft service table.

But they would give me a $100 dollars cash. So if you want a bag of peanuts, you could buy it on your own. You know what I'm saying? I'm one of those motherfuckers. I get it. They gave me that $100. I tore ass out of there and went to my dealer's house and bought a grandma blow or whatever fuck I bought. But when I got back the second night, it looked like the Taj Mahal in there.

They had everything. I mean everything. Sandwiches, pizzas, fucking cookies. You know why? Because the after, at the time it was after, the after people were there. And he's like, how are you doing? I started talking to the guy and fucking, I said to him, can I ask you a question? He was the spokesperson from after or whatever, the rep.

And he came on the set to make sure everything was good. He goes, I go, hey, man, that's a lot of food tonight. He goes, that's the way it's always supposed to look. I go, last night didn't look like that. And he went right in his wall, he gave me a card. He goes, anytime you go to a set. And it doesn't look like that, you call me immediately. Call this office within minutes,

because that's the way that set is supposed to fucking look. But on those $100 day movies, they cut them. After 10 of those, I was like, I really got to think about these $100 day movies. I'm going to hit you with an ad real quick. I'll be right the fuck back. Four and a... Four NFL teams, two conference championships.

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Only at Draft King Sportsbook with code Joey. Listen, minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details. We got a bunch of great games Friday and Saturday. You're either going to have Cincinnati against Kansas City or you're either going to have Buffalo against Kansas City on Saturday. And you're either going to have Philadelphia against fucking Dallas or Philadelphia against San Francisco.

It's going to be great. Fuck, and this is my time of the year. So get ready. Download the sportsbook app. use code Joey and let's get ready to have some fucking fun this Super Bowl and now back to the podcast. All right, so now let's wrap this motherfucker up. So I told you the explanations and why I feel the way I do about these low budget fucking movies.

Now let's take Sag came out and said that a couple people spoke up for Alec Bolden. Sag was one of them and a bunch of people already saying, why would Sagg? go up, back him after he shot some like low set. I don't know what the fucking story was. But here's my fucking thing. Should Alex Baldwin we charged?

Abs of fucking looting. And they got charged with two counts of fucking involuntary. I don't know if it's homicide or manslaughter. Involuntary manslaughter. That takes a charge of what, six to ten years?

I did time with a couple guys that did involuntary manslaughter and they both got like six years you know, getting drunk, having a fight at a fucking party knocking somebody on the guy dies in the hospital that type of shit a lot of people saying he should not be charged i'd fucking charge him if i was the d a when you do that bottle practice that target practice it's like when i kidnap kentvel there was a machine gun involved okay and whether i used it or not whether i pointed at him or not

it didn't matter it was a potential for violence potential for violence thing number two he is the producer I'm sick and tired this is if I was his family I would sue Alex I would sue the movie and to be honest to you

I would sue the screen actors guilt I'm probably gonna get hell for saying this but I don't give a fuck because I'm talking from the heart here I'm talking from I'm talking from right you know

you work all your life you fucking put up with shit you go to fucking acting class you go to all these seminars and shit and then you're going to sell me out as my union to shoot $50 a day movies of a hundred dollar day movies with these people who are fucking scumbags

you know I mean you tell me who you would fuck who's responsible for this shit if I fall and break my leg on a fucking set I'll sue the whole fucking everybody goes taken down everybody gets taken down because they weren't looking out for me

they tell you they're looking out for you but they're really not all they're concerned is shooting their fucking movie. That's it. That's what they do. They don't give a fuck about you or how you feel or all they're concerned is about their fucking dream. They don't give a fuck what you're going through.

If you're not hungry, you know, like I said, listen, guys, I don't like working fucking Sundays, whether it's on a movie or doing stupid fucking comedy, waiting all day to talk to 80 fucking strangers on a Sunday night.

Why would I want to shoot a movie on a fucking Sunday? You know what I'm saying? So if we shoot anything on Sunday or Saturday, take care of us. Give us a little extra. I don't want $100. You know, I shot a movie once that was low budget with fucking Dick Van Dyke and his son. You know, those Hallmark movies, they paid $450 a day. They gave you a great lunch.

I think I shot two days on it. But they put a bottle of wine in your room. They put a sweatshirt in your room. And they gave you an hour-a-dollar gift certificate. to some deli in the valley. I forget the name of it now. The one across from Jerry's deli. That $100 card, I used that three times to get lunches.

I love Dick Van Dyke. I love that Hallmark thing because they made a little bit of a fucking difference, guys. You know, that's kind of nice. So you didn't pay me my rate, but guess what? You got me a nice bottle of wine. You gave me a nice little fucking sweatshirt. You wrote a nice handwritten fucking note. And then you gave me a $100.

give a certificate to some fucking stupid deli. Arts, arts, Arts Deli and Studio City. How good did I feel after that? These motherfuckers, they don't give a fuck. So on that movie there, A, think about this. People were walking off the set days before the shooting.

That it was unsafe. That was it. That means it's on the fucking producer. Who's the fucking producer? Scumbag. Alec Baldwin is one of the fucking producers. Yes, he was one of the producers on the movie.

See, when you do a $100 a day movie, what's Alibald is worth, what, $50 million? And you're going to make $100 a day? No. So what they offer you is a producer, a producer credit. So now you get a residual on a producer credit, and you get a producer credit,

and you get an acting credit. So if the movie hits, you get a check for life from that producer set. That's the deal they make those guys. Number two, they shoot those movies usually during the holidays. because that's when actors are home in LA like whenever I shot a 100-hour-a-day movie

I shot it in December because I'm not gonna fucking commit to a movie I'm getting a lot of day when I could be shooting something for 600 hours that might come up tomorrow I don't fucking know what's coming up so they do them in December if you get calls for those

they're always like we're shooting after Thanksgiving because people okay I'll do four days on your movie and then I'll go away to fucking Hawaii or whatever the fuck movie stars do so they make you a producer. If the movie hits, you get a check. You know how much of those fucking movies hit? Not never.

What's the chick from the boxing movie with Clint Eastwood? That she died in the ring. They crippled her. She did a movie that was a Honol-Day movie, and the movie blew up. So now when you do a movie, that's what they tell you. These movies are great. People see them.

No, they don't. Hillary Swank. This is a tremendous film on called, it's with Ray Leota and, and, I think it's into the blue or something like that. It's Ray Leota and Fuck Dutz wife, Justin Timberlake's wife.

And the guy that played, the fucking football player, Fast Times in Ridgemont High, the big black guy. Amando Casillo, the guy from fucking, I forget what the name of the movie is. It's a Ray Leota and whatever's wife.

She, plays a stripper. Ray Leota plays her father who got out of jail and wants to reconnect with his stripper daughter. He doesn't know she's a stripper. And he goes to the strip club and gets a lap dance from her. It's fucking creepy movie. But it's not a bad fucking movie. It's a low budget movie. Nobody ever saw that movie. If you see it and you go, how come I ever heard of this movie? I'll tell you why. It's a low budget movie. So it was somebody's dream to make that movie. They didn't get the proper financing. Who the fuck knows? How they ended up getting just Timberlake's wife and

fucking Ray Leodin the King of Scotland's fucking to be in the movie. I have no idea. It's a great script like I said and it needed to be shot. But one of my friends was in the movie. He plays the hot dog man outside the bar. Armando Casillo.

We're all friend, Gabriel, all those guys. So I saw him and I go, man, you did great in that movie. How come I never heard of that movie? And he goes, because it was a low-budget movie. and they ran out of financing for the marketing area of it. So this is why what I say to you guys, on one side, I want to do this movie because it's going to help me build my resume. It's going to make me a better act.

I'll be stronger. But on the other fucking side, you know, if I'm going to fucking do something to wear me out. Now, I did them for a long time. And I did them with no ego After the longest yard I did them People would say to me why are you doing these And I'd say when I win an Oscar Then I'll stop doing these

I'm never gonna win an Oscar But I'll stop doing those when I become a really good actor I started realizing that those movies were a fucking wear out Because if they give you a hundred dollars a day I got to pay ten bucks commission That leaves me at 90 I got to pay taxes Then I got to dry clean my suit

So basically I made no fucking money So finally one day I was getting after the after the after the strike in 2008 2007 it took a while to get things going so what happened

was you know people were coming up on all day movies and I kept doing them doing them doing them and one day I go you know what man I'm going to get hurt on one of these things I did that what about the shark the Jersey shark fucking thing and shit with the program

shit you know guys listen and that's what those movies are. I don't know. When you're shooting that, I always ask myself, when you're shooting it, you should be saying, who the fuck's going to see this? Like, nobody's going to see it. Like, they would come up to me and go, Joey, the line is the car. And I, in the back of my head, like, nobody's going to see this anyway. Why are we shooting this shit? Once I got to that attitude, I stopped doing them. And I kept, I kept getting calls from calls, calls, calls, and finally, one day I go, fuck this shit. I'm not doing any more a holiday movies. I didn't work for about seven months.

I was starting to get fucking nervous. And I got the call for fucking, uh, the Stallone Kevin Hart movie. And I said, see, you have to close one door before you open up a fucking other.

And that's it. That's why I don't do those movies no more. And during the pandemic, guess what? I was getting, when I moved here, the first three months, I was in fucking hell.

Michael tell you, and I was getting calls. I remember calling my agent going, I want to work. But I want to work in Jersey if you could find me something. They're like George Clooney is shooting a movie in Jersey. I'll see if we get you in the movie.

Let me tell you something, guys. I got like 15 auditions, and they were all $100 a day movies. And they were shooting like in North Carolina. They were shooting like in Florida. Fucking, they even asked me if I wanted to go to the Dominican Republic to shoot a $100 a day movie. And I was like, listen, during COVID, like I said, you're going to have to fucking cut the budget because of COVID financing, all that shit.

So I was like, if fucking 100-all-day movies were a grind before this shit, what are these movies now? I mean, do I want to be involved with one of these pieces of shit fucking movies? So I told my agent, don't send me, but they kept sending me these fucking auditions for these 100-a-old-day movies. and I'm like, if this movie shoots in Jersey, I'll do it because it's no fucking, you know, I don't have to go anywhere. You probably have to pay your own plane ticket for those fucking movies. You know, they're low budget. So I'm like, I'm not going to get involved. And again, it's not because of an ego or anything like that because at the end of the day, I'm 60.

What the fuck is it going to do for me? I'm going to go down there and get beat up. I'm going to go down there and get stuck on the fucking plane, get beat up, end up getting shot by fucking Alec Baldwin or whatever's fucking name is. No, I'm not doing this shit. And I'm happy I didn't. He decided he was going to go down there and be a big shot in New Mexico and shoot this fucking movie and look what happened. When I heard that this happened, I was upset about the girl's family. You know, somebody lost their life.

A director got shot. But I was very happy that this happened because it had to happen. It had a fucking, these people getting out of fucking control with SAG. And that's why they shoot these movies out of state. So SAG's not around. You know what the chance? Like New Mexico, SAG is down there. Sags got an office down there

because they do so much fucking shooting down there. But when they shoot like in Oklahoma and all these other places, Montana, what do you think? SAG people are going to go up there? They just want their fucking envelope. And that's why you have more freedom. Like when we shot the longest yard,

we were in fucking Santa Fe, New Mexico. Guys, it was a fucking party down there. Once we got to Orange County and we shot the next 12 weeks up there, the fucking suits were all over the set every day. You couldn't smoke pot on there no more. You know, you couldn't do dick anymore. But what really cracks me up about this whole situation

was as soon as I heard that fucking he was getting charged, I knew there was one motherfucker that was happy. And that man's name is Donald Trump. That motherfucker, I was like, Donnell, because the day he did it, I read a tweet or something, not a tweet, because he's off Twitter. the day he did it

I fucking read this thing from him going throw him in jail Trump was like at home going throw him in jail he's mentally disturbed his impersonation of me was fucking terrible and all this and I agree with him I used to look at that impersonation and go who the fuck laughs at that

only Gentiles laugh at that shit only people go my God it's so good it was horrible and he kept doing it and doing it and doing it and finally Trump got his last fucking laugh. Because if you don't think Trump had something to do it

and I was thinking about this all week and this morning when it was on CBS morning news Sunday morning fucking I saw this thing I went on the computer

and they had the CNN interview and then under it was like a joke thing going that the conspiracy theory is that the Republicans and Donald Trump got the DA

the fucking press charges out of some shit which I knew you know we're living in in the day of everything is a conspiracy theory you know everybody is involved in a fucking conspiracy theory

you know for 50 years we denied UFOs not are everywhere have you noticed lately they're fucking everywhere UFOs everywhere what I tell you fucking two years ago about the UFOs in Jersey I got so much hatement well when we go to the city on fucking Saturday night I'll stop

on Boulevard East if you're on Boulevard East you give it four hours you'll see a fucking you'll see something going through the air you fucking lower the window you'll hit that Martian music, but Boulevard East, they see them constantly over there. People who live in those buildings

will tell your fucking stories for years. When I did that podcast with Jimmy Florentine, so many fucking people reached out to me. Just talking about UFOs in Jersey. And if you Google it, where are the most sightings for UFO? It's not fucking New Mexico or Ground Zero. It's New York City.

Go ahead, look it up. Look it up right now. You people at home, where are the most fucking UFO seen right there, an hour from here. They dip down into that Hudson River like Sully. They fucking dip down and they do their little. They spin around. And they get the fuck out. You think I'm kidding you.

Dog, you look at that Hudson County report, Hudson County Park. You go deep into that. If you go on YouTube, 1975 Martians Land in Hudson County Park, in North Perkin, New Jersey. Okay? If you go deep into that fucking thing and then Google the paperwork on it, trust me, I was on the road

one night and I was smoking pot and I went into a fucking hole with that shit. I was like, because Rogan and all those guys are always talking about UFOs and they're like the authority on UFOs and nobody's ever said, well, fucking Jersey, you know, New York City Jersey.

Just when I remembered that they landed in Hudson County Park and some one of my friends called me last week. He's like, I listened to one of the podcasts, you talking about that. Like, everybody remembers, but they just won't talk about us being kids going up there. The park had the police tape around it on the corner. They were fucking digging. The feds were digging and shit. They had those, you like those people who go to bees, like work with bees. They had those masks on. I'll fucking never forget that shit, dog. I was a kid. I was a fucking kid. So now everybody's seeing UFOs, pilots. That's all they're seeing them. So I guess, I'm

I was a fucking idiot when I did the podcast a couple of years ago. Because I'm not a Martian guy. I'm not a conspiracy theory guy. I'm not a fucking, you know, UFO guy. But I do remember that like a motherfucker. And it didn't fake, because I hate all that shit. I hate Star Trek. I can't stand all that shit.

So. Yeah, whatever the fuck it is. I don't know. Science fiction. Fiction. It don't matter. It all goes out my fucking dickhole. But it's a fucking new week, guys.

I've been doing great lately. I really have. This new year has a. has agreed with me a lot. Like I said, I had a rough week last week, a little bit of a rough week, but not enough. You know, I get pissed off where I live. It's boring, shit like that, but not enough to, you know, I'm happy here. I'm doing the best job that I can, you know, for what I got right now.

I'm excited about the show Saturday night. It's the last show. It's officially fucking sold out. We got a great lineup. We got Mike Klein, Lee. Dean Del Rizzi's coming Tara's coming It's gonna be fucking great

You know there's no tickets available And I feel bad But we'll start it back up again in the fall And uh You know, that's how it goes man I'm not doing this full time anymore I'm just gonna put a little tours together No planes

No fucking planes I don't want to This is the plane situation This country's getting worse I think I'll drive Yeah yeah that's what I want to do I'll do a residency AC something You know?

Something when the time is right. But this has been a... I'll tell you what's been my strong point this year so far. I've been journaling. Fucking great lately. I don't know what it is. For a while there, my journaling was off. That shit sailed.

My journaling is on fire now. I'm sticking to it. I've had a lot of problems sleeping lately, so I started journaling at night to dump. You know, just to dump. Before... Some nights I get too tired and I fucking... don't do it. And two o'clock in the morning I wake up and I'm pissed about somebody fucking

taking a parking spot from me in 1984. So I had to start dumping at night and it's just been great guys, you know. I had a problem last week. They fucking finally fucking stitched up this bottom half of my face. You can't see it. That's why I didn't do nothing Wednesday. They stitched it like I forget how they call it on the inside and they fucking swole up and then finally the cysts finally fucking busted so we're on the right track there and guys i can't uh there's the best i could do right now i could do one podcast a week i was struggling for a long time i'm starting to get out of my fucking struggle you know and uh that's it 2020 fucking three is here i'm officially uh what am i fucking less than a month away from turning 60 and it's been on my mind a lot lately it's been

on my mind a lot i'm not bummed about it i'm I mean, listen, when you turn 60, when you turn 50, you start getting bummed. That's when you start praying at night. You never pray. Like, you stop. Yeah, you start, you don't pray at all till you're like 50. Then you're like, oh shit. Things are getting serious now.

So you never fucking pray to you're 60. But 60 is, you're no longer a novice. You know what I'm saying? Now you're definitely in debt's fucking way. But I've been working out hard, guys. I've still been going to my two jiu-jitis a week. I'm really enjoying that. I'm seeing progress there.

I'm seeing progress on my health. I'm losing fucking weight. And I switch my diet around. I'm only eating the eggs three days a week. I eat special cane and a bowl of fruit now. Four days a week. It's a different life. And I don't miss the other life I had.

This is just perfect for what I'm doing. I don't need to go up and jump up and down. I don't need to fucking shoot somebody on a set. I just live my life now. I really don't care if the phone ring. If it rings, I really don't give a fuck. So I'm looking forward to 2023, guys. It's finally starting to pay off for me.

And that's all I could tell you. I'm excited about the fucking Super Bowl. I'm excited about my birthday. My wife asked me if I want to have a party. Nah. I might have like a little get-together, maybe cook something, have some people come over. But what am I going to throw myself at my own 60-year-old party?

Hi. Oh, my God. but he's a jolly good fellow get the fuck out of here my wife's like do you want to go to a restaurant maybe get like a back room not really i'm not into that shit guys i just want to go out into the night and just have a great time with my daughter like i tell you man my best night at a week is saturday night we got the honeymoon as i was the last night i went over two nights ago i went over to pickle dairy i got some chinese cookies i got some diet cream sodas and that's what we had during the honeymoon this i mean you'd never

I'm never going to do a comedy show on a fucking Saturday ever again. Like this one starts at 8. But we usually get back about 11.30. You got another half hour to go. So at least I could watch one Saturday that I came in here. And the mushrooms kicked in as I walked in. And she came right down. Dad, are we watching honeymoon?

I'm like, oh. That's going great, too. Me being a dad, getting a second chance. This is really working out for me. And I'm just happy for the first time and a long time, guys. You know, something was eating Gilbert Grape, and I lived in L.A., and I'm done. I shook that motherfucker. And now I'm on to Green your motherfucking pastors, man.

So we're here. It's another fucking Monday. It's going to be a great week. Fucking powder your balls and let these motherfuckers know you're not fucking around this week. Do not forget, my boy from Stoner Club came over the other day. And he brought me some fucking, like, just a gift weed. like apple fritters or something like that that motherfucker had some kick to it guys so if you're in jersey and you want some fucking nice weed delivered to your house he's got great fucking edibles i love his

edibles he's got great vapors those true dose edibles they don't fuck around guys so i'm telling you right now if you're bored you're lonely and you want to get the party started go to stoner club dot com look at the fucking what they got on there and guys it's going to blow you fucking away they deliver right to you it's cheap it's convenient if you use uncle joey you get 10% off for life and uh they're doing it in new york now new york is back open i think new jersey still has some uh shimmy laughing gas sashimi if they don't if they're out by now we'll get it for them in the next couple weeks so uh keep going to stonis club i'm really happy that you guys are using it i'm happy motherfuckers smoking laughing gas.

I'm getting emails from all over the fucking country. I saw Be Real fucking Be Real Call and he's like Joey, this shit is Laughing gas is tremendous guys And it's even better in New Jersey Because everything is 24% And tastes like fucking dirt.

Somebody in mine gave me weed I couldn't fucking believe. He's like, it's not good guys. It's not good. So if you can get your hands on some fucking pirated laughing gas, do the best you can, motherfuckers. And without further ado, that's it. It's a beautiful Monday morning podcast, guys.

Have a great week. Stay black and don't forget about me. Hopefully I'll see you Saturday night. If not, I'll see you sometime in the fucking spring. I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great week. And see you guys next Monday, tip-top Magoo. And now for a word for my motherfucking sponsors.

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