The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #229 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: February 6, 2023

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apply. See show notes for details. Let's get this party started. Monday morning, I got shit to do. What's happened? You bad motherfuckers Uncle Joey here? For another fun-filled Monday morning motivation fucking

podcast? That's a lot of words just to get started this motherfucker. Everything is beautiful. It's February 5th. Fucking, the Penguins have finally showed up in New Jersey. You know, I love, I just love people how fucking dumb we are. You know, a fighter wins a fight. And he's back.

You know, I remember it was, there was two games during football season. There were two games that just passed. And Dallas had won that Sunday. And I was at the gym Monday. And they're already like, is the Dallas Cowboys? A Super Bowl contender? Why are we talking about this because they won one game? We are so impressed with the dumbest shit as Americans.

Listen, I grew up on the East Coast, and I know one thing for sure. We're going to get 100 inches of snow. When that's going to come? Nobody knows, but it's coming. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I already saw people, it was like 62 days last week, and people like, oh, fucking Indian this, the stars, relax, cuck, sucker. February is coming, and what happened on fucking Thursday?

It dropped to five. I went to Pennsylvania. It was five degrees and ten with the fucking wind chill, okay? Where's everybody with their bikini now, with the Indian summers? Boy, we're fucking retarded. Now it's going to warm up again, and they're already jumping up and down again. Oh, by Wednesday it's going to be 60. Bitch, February 19th is around the corner.

And let me tell you something. I know for a fact. I don't know much about global warming. I don't know what the fuck's going on with the climate. I don't know about Greta Thumburg. I have no fucking idea of the balloon from China. What the fuck? All I do know is that every year when I was growing up,

there was always snow on the ground February 19th, except two years ago. There wasn't snow here. But times are changing. But it's still going to fucking be colder than a motherfucker. So before you bust out your little bit, look at Texas. Texas was freezing last fucking week.

They had to cancel one of the basketball games because the fucking team couldn't get out of that. When a team can't get out of a city, What does that fucking tell you? Shit's fucking gone wild than that motherfucker. But that's it. It's February. I'm excited.

I'm done with the residency till fucking God knows when. We're just working on the book now. And hopefully that'll make a splash when it comes out April 23rd. But I want to talk about this week. You know, every week you get thrown so much fucking news. You know, like every week. You start on Monday.

The shit that you don't expect, Governor Santos. this, that. And it's shit that when you think about it, it doesn't matter to you at all. That's why I kind of gave up. I'm not good with current affairs, because it just doesn't matter no more. Every week is more and more bullshit.

And if you go into it, you know, Tim Allen's showing his dick. Fucking now I got to listen to fucking Baywatch all week. I don't want to, you know. So you just avoid all that shit. I didn't see the documentary. I tried to put it on for three minutes, and I can't watch this.

this shit. And I like Pamela Anderson. I think we've all whacked off to one point our lives or one. I remember I was in county jail in Seattle banging them out to a picture of Pamela Anderson, but what the fuck? We're just being honest on a Monday morning. But the news that struck me weird this week, and only one of the person called me with it and said, this is fucked up. Was Ozzy Osbourne? I don't know if you guys realize what that meant with Ozzy Osborne saying I can't do it no more. It's the beginning of the end. It's the beginning of the end.

You know, and guys, you know, I love Ozzy Osbourne. Over the years you, you grow up and you fucking get into this, and you get into this and this and this. But like you lose a lot of shit that you ever put on Alman when you were a kid and you really wanted to work. But you're like, this just doesn't work in my life anymore. I don't know. I could.

Yeah, we just grow up out of some music. some music stays with you forever. Some music I get pissed off and I still listen to. Like Joey, what the fuck? Grow to fuck up. You know, listen to something different. And I try, you know.

But our taste change. My taste have never changed with Ozzy Osbourne. Like when I'm driving and I hear an old Ozzy song or a Black Sabbath song, it's just like, listen, crazy train, you know, whatever. But there's some other jams in there

in between Ozzy's Bone Yard plays that it stops, sometimes, you know, because 20 years ago when I was growing up, they wouldn't play fucking black Sabbath on the radio at all, at all, not even war pigs. Then Ozzy's, what do you think Ozzy started that fucking station? Nobody played his goddamn music. Grew up, you would never hear any fucking Black Sabbath on the radio. But it's funny how, you know, guys, I saw this comedy boom grow, and I saw the reaction

that people, young adults, you know, adults of all ages, responded. to the podcast, which created a different type of admiration from people. Now, it made it simpler for you, either like them or not like them. When I was growing up and I'd watch, I don't know, some fucking comedian, Freddie Prince. I knew he was Puerto Rican. I knew he was from the Bronx, but I didn't know he played with guns. I didn't know he did blow. I didn't know he was going through all that.

If he had a podcast, we would have known. and things would have been different, Richard Pryor, you know, because what the podcast opened up was how we feel about things, opinions. We opened up some podcasts,ers open up their family. When I first started doing a podcast, I got to tell you this, I don't know, like maybe two years into the church podcast, a kid moved from like, I don't know, some other state to California. He wanted to hook up with me.

And I was like, dog, what do you want to talk about? He was aspiring to be a comedian. And I go, listen, I'm at the store every now. You know, I'm at the fucking, I'm not hard to find. I'm at the store. He's like, no, no, no, no. I want to see you in North Hollywood in the daytime. I go, you know, I'm fucking busy.

I got the kid. I got the podcast. I'm doing stupid shit. I'm going to fucking meetings to sell a show. You know, when I lived there, my schedule was all over the fucking place. So I said, just go to the fucking store. No, I would go to a weed store And they'd say some guy was here for an hour waiting for you

And I'd go to a fucking Oh my God, there was places I could just go And he would just leave Some guy was here waiting for you He thinks you come over here He'd eat Mexican all the time This happened at like three or four places Meanwhile, I'm corresponding with the guy

The guy is basically living a mile from me In North Hollywood I'm corresponding with him And every fucking day he's like, I And then one day he just went off on me I don't want to go to a fucking store. You know, I don't like audiences. What are we talking about here?

He went off on me, you know? And then he wrote me like a touching note. He goes, you don't understand. I don't want nothing from you. This is the beginning of the podcast, boom, guys. And all of a sudden, people knocking on your door, and people sending your emails that, you know, we didn't know what, you know,

we came from a fucking stand-up comedy with nobody talk to you. I did a million shows, and not one person never came up to me and said, great show or you know you're going to be a star or nothing nobody ever talked to me now everybody wanted to talk to you so you're like what the fuck is going on so i didn't know how to react to this kid i'll never forget that he wrote me this fucking no and this is embarrassing but i'll tell you guys and because this is how i related at the time he goes you know i just really wanted to meet you and stuff and i thought about his story and i go listen bro if you would have said that in the beginning

i thought you wanted to talk about stand-up comedy i didn't know what the fuck you want to talk about. And he's like, you know, he just wrote a bunch of flattering stuff. You know, that I was like, what the fuck? Is this what a podcast does? And I finally said, I wrote him a note. And I go, listen, we can hook up tomorrow at such and such time. I didn't know that.

I go, I get what you're saying to me. I go, you lost a parent. He was in the same position as me. He lost a parent. and I spoke about losing a parent, and he connected. And I go, you know, it's sort of like with I was a kid, how I connected with Ozzy Osbourne for some reason. I don't know.

I connected with Ozzy when I saw him on stage, and then I went home and listened to him. We'll get to that story, but I get it. I get it. And he wrote back, you ain't know Ozzy Osbourne. Like, I didn't paraphrase it. Like, I was Ozzy. I go, now I understand where you're coming from.

You're relating to me because of the death or something like that. And that's, you know, I was a kid. I was into the doors. I was into Ted Nugent. And it took me a long time to get into that music because they had long hair. And I was scared of people with long hair at the time. I was a young Cuban Catholic. And, you know, and if I did like them, I would fucking not say nothing to anybody.

And then Zeppelin came into my life. When I was like, you know, I'm out there playing basketball at 10, and I'm hearing Black Dog. When you hear Black Dog when you're 10 years old in the summer when you're drinking an orange drink, you're like, what the fire? Even put on Black Dog today. And you're like, what is this? But hold on, let me paraphr for it.

Let me fucking get one of those goggles and transport yourself to 1973 when this song came out. You had never heard anything like that. You know, you knew he was trying to get his dick sucked in the song. You know, you just knew as a 10-year-old, you're like, it excited you. I love Led Zeppelin, but I never got, you know, I don't know, I don't know what happened. All I know is I had Zeppelin 2, I had a couple of yes albums. You know, I liked Fragile. I liked Yes Over the Edge.

I had the doors. I had the song remains the same. I had Led Zeppelin 2, Led Zeppelin 3, and I had presents. You know, I was just getting my shit going. You know what I'm saying? I had Double Live Gunzo. had cat scratch fever at Hotel California

these were you know 1975 this is what you had in your house I like the Eagles I fucking love the Eagles I liked one of these nights I think it's a tremendous jam and then that album was followed by

Hotel California so I kind of liked the Eagles and one day I'm at the fucking courts or whatever and I hear you know the beginning to Warpager you know and I tell you when you hear Warpagus for the first time once they get into the guitar, you want to lose your fucking mind.

Like, you run to the record store. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. There's something about war pigs. You know, there's something about fucking war pigs, and then you bring the album home and it's an electric funeral. That's a little fucking scary-some guy,

Electric Funeral. You're like, what the fuck? You know, electric funeral, what am I getting electrocuted tonight? You got fucking, my favorite song on that. Time is what you're going to do. Time's caught up with you.

That's as real as it gets. At that age, I like the stones. I'd get your yaya's out. I'd miss you. No, I didn't think it's only rock and roll at that time. Miss you didn't come out until 78 or something like that. And I don't know, maybe in the eighth grade, I heard Black Sabbath on the courts and I was like,

this is pretty fucking good. But I'm a Catholic. You know what I'm saying? He's over there talking about Satan spreading his wings. It's okay till Satan spread his motherfucking wings. Okay? Then it was all over. And then I started smoking pot and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I don't know. I heard it again. And I borrowed it from somebody. I think maybe Steve of Villo, one of my friend of Villo, from the Pastmasters, I borrowed it. And when I heard paranoid after fucking Warping, and I heard all that music. I was like,

this is fucking pretty good. But I'm still into the Eagles. I'm still into Zeppelin. I'm going to keep these motherfuckers in the back burner. You know what I'm saying? This is still a little out there for me. And then I get the freshman year,

and I don't know, they're bullshitting about something on the bus. They're going to go see Black Sabbath. And I go, yeah, I kind of like them, you know? I mean, at that age, I didn't know their whole fucking, and I liked war pigs, and I like paranoid. And I said, fuck it.

And me and some people from downtown, to this day, I know who I saw there at the concert. The garden was filled with fucking North Bergen people. But still to this day, I forget who the fuck I walked them to that place with. The rumor was you had to get there early because the warm-up band was going to be tremendous. The warm-up band was Van Halen. and fucking, you know, I walked in there,

guys, I didn't know shit. I had been to one concert before that. It was maybe Ted Nugent with Erosmith at the Meadowlands outside. It was like one of those all-day concerts. Fucking Erosmith busted their guitars. It was not, you know, we walked home. When I walked in there, first of all, the electricity from Van Halen, and I didn't know where any Van Halen was.

I could sit here and tell you, oh, I was ready. I knew eruption. I didn't know dick So think about how I felt When I saw a fucking eruption up there We maybe smoked a few joints I don't know if I did acid Or anything at that point

I was still a little half a fag I still had to put Vizine in my eyes When I went home and Cologne And I don't know what I did But I remember that Black Sabbath came on And I didn't know what sounded good And what didn't sound good

I just knew that some of their instruments were off Like I could hear like guitars, strings popping and, you know, it just wasn't and I could see the drummer Snort and Coke. Bill Ward was snort and Coke from the snare drum. Right on that, not that snare drum.

And I was like, wow, this is fucking great. So we left that show, and the next day, I went to North Bergen, and on the way home, I would walk on Bergen line and pick up the album of the week, and I picked up fucking paranoid, and lights out.

Guys, lights out. What he was talking about, I fucking liked. I didn't know what he was talking about. I know that the one jam I like, it's about heroin. And, you know, I didn't know anything else about them at the time. It was maybe October of 78. I think they did October 18th or something like that.

Check it out. I don't know. And then I bought the second hour of my bought. Because I want, I said, fuck it. I like this band. I'm not going to do what I did with the rest of my album career. I'm going to start from scratch. You know, because like with the stones, I started with like, it's only rock and roll, get your yaya's out.

The way to do it is from the fucking beginning. And then I didn't like the early stones. I didn't catch on until, I mean, I like it. You know, 19 nervous breakdown, all that shit. But you know what I mean? I like that to fucking like Goat's Head Soup and all that when they got down and dirty. When I put that Black Sabbath down, when I heard the first song, Black Sabbath, Black Sabbath, Black Sabbath, I turned that motherfucker off.

I turned that motherfucker off. I was like, this ain't from Uncle Joey. What is this that stands before me? Figure in black pointing at me? This is not going to work in my world. And I think I moved on to the wizard because the wizard was kind of a popular song and everybody in your neighbor

who wanted to be a fucking wizard, you know. So the wizard was it. And I guess that was my, I liked the album. And then I said, fuck it. Let me put on Black Sabbath, Black Sabbath. And then I just, I was like, okay. And that was by the summer. I had rented a house down the shore with two of my buddies and three girls from high school.

We weren't dating them. They were next door to us and we rented this house. And I bought that fucking Black Sabbath, Black Sabbath on 8-track. And I still remember the fucking player I had. It's the first eight-track player I had that I put Pink Floyd ducked out of the moon, which was the first time I ever tripped on. But that's a complete different fucking story. When I came back from down the shore,

I was all in on Black Sabbath, the first album, and I was all in on paranoid. So I said, what's my next logical move? I don't know. I didn't even, you know, there was no internet. It was Nike. You couldn't Wikipedia what the name of their albums were in alphabetical order or whatever, how they came out.

And I didn't feel like fucking asking people because people in my town would go, what the fuck are you talking about? Don't you have all their albums? Where are you a pussy? What are you listening to fucking Abba? And I'm like, you know, okay. So I had to figure it out on my own, and I didn't know who to ask.

And one day I went to that same fucking album place, and I bought fucking sabotage. And I brought that motherfucker home. And it just opened me the fuck up. Ozzy was tremendous. The lyrics were great. They have an acoustic part on fucking symptom of the universe. It's just a great out. Megalmania, the thrill of it all, the writ, the ridd.

is fucking scary as fuck. Am I going insane? And I was all in, motherfuckers. I was like, wow, this is fucking deep. And then I went back and I bought Never Say Die. Again, I went out of order again. And I bought the last album. And when I fucking listened to Never Say Die, I was all in.

Like, that's my new slogan. Never Say Die. I was fucking 14, 15. I was very, I was looking. I didn't have a father figure, so I was looking. You know what I'm saying? I'm not saying Ozzy was my father figure, but I'm just saying that this album just blew me to fuck apart.

And then something happened. I got in to never say die. Junior's eyes, you know, Johnny Blade fucking, that album has a lot of good songs on it. But at the same time, I was putting on different things every fucking day. And then the next album I bought was the one that, Put me over the fucking top. Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath.

That song just took me from point A to fucking point B. Something about Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath. It was describing what I was going through at the time. I don't know. It was all going on inside of me. I didn't want to live at home. Who the fuck knows? But I don't know.

It got to me the sound. And then my mother died. And when my mother died, the albums I had on the, that I was listening to all the time was the last Led Zeppelown and the car is Candio. That was the little rotation I had at that time. And Sabbath, bloody Sabbath.

And then when my mother died, when I went home, I didn't want to put that fucking devil music on. I was like, I'm going to stay away from this devil music on. I moved in with the Benders. And about two months later, I started listening to Sabbath again. and I was fucked up by that. So now it just gripped me, guys. It gripped me in a way that

it was all I was living for. It was black, Black Sabbath was basically keeping me the fuck alive as stupid as this fucking sounds. As stupid as this sounds. And one day, I was walking with Louis Castellito, a couple of us. It was cold out. It was about the end of January,

and I walked into a magazine place. and Cream magazine was there. Cream was like, you know, Rolling Stones answered to heavy metal. And the fucking next thing you know, I opened up the thing, and it's official, Black Sabbath broke up. I really wanted them to see them again

because I had seen them, but I wasn't prepared. And I really liked them. You know, I really liked what they were doing. And they broke up. And guys, I was like heartbroken, like a fucking child. Like a fucking child.

I was really fucking heartbroken. And I went that year before my birthday, I went, and I went up to this bond 22nd in New York Avenue. It used to be across from the county morgue there. It's a funeral park. That's where they take you. When you died, then they dispersion, either Veneres or McCagna or whatever. They used to be a bar there.

We used to get T.H.C. Crystal in that motherfucker, a.k.a. Angel Dust. On Tuesday nights, they had an angel dust happy hour. I will never fucking forget that. And I went down there with a bunch of savages And we bought like two tens of Angel Dust which we call Crystal And I'll never forget I did two lines

I wasn't even living at home I was living with the benders And they weren't home And I remember going in Putting Master Reality on That's the name of the island The third album Putting it on

And for some reason I was going through the channels And the Exorcist was on Meanwhile I'm tripping on fucking angel dust and I'm looking at fucking The Exorcist and I'm hearing Black Sabbath in the back Have you ever thought about your soul? Can it be saved? You know, the Pope dead on a rope and all this shit

And I'm like, fuck this out. The only thing I liked off of three was Sweetleaf. I was like, I ain't listening to this fucking devil me And I like Tomorrow's Dream, I think is on three. But no, tomorrow's dream is on Volume 4. I said, fuck this shit. I ain't putting this shit back on. This is too dark for me.

I'll keep it going with Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath. At the time, I was going through a war with my father. Now, with my stepfather. So now Sabbath bloody Sabbath was my anthem every fucking morning. I was going to kill this motherfucker. I didn't know how. I was trying to rob him. I was trying to do everything I can to knock him off his game.

But I was fucking wounded. I was walking, fucking wounded. And, you know, that's guys, I don't know, I'm mentally weak at that time. I was regressing, you know, after when you're a young child and you see some type of trauma, you know, you regress or stay at that age until you come to terms with that trauma. So I fucking, you know, and I learned this now, and now it makes it a lot easier for me to understand what was going on when I was 15 and my mother died 16. And I'll tell you guys, I'm fucking Ozzy. I don't know what the fuck to say, you know, but I'm going to. Listen to arrowsmith. I'm listening to all this shit. Plus, Pink Floyd DeWall had taken over.

When Pink Floyd DeWall came out on November 28th of 1979, that shit came out like a bullet and it cemented himself. You couldn't. I remember going to Paramus Mall and listening to Pink Floyd DeWall in every store. Please, teacher, leave those kids alone. And it was on the radio, which was never done before with Pink Floyd except for money and that one fucking jam. So I'm like, wow, okay, blah, blah, blah, blah, and fucking John Lennon dies. John Lennon dies. I take any of the ass of one night, Monday night football, he dies. Tuesday, the city shuts down. They say that on Sunday they're going to have a memorial for John Lennon at Strawberry Fields. They're going to do all this shit. They're going to lock down New York.

And I just happen to go, and I go, I don't want to go into Central Park. If it's going to be jammed, fuck it. I go down to the village and see what's happening. In those days, the village was a little freer, you know. And I remember going down there and seeing the store bleaker fucking bobs and just going in there to buy like a Blue Oyster cult album. I wanted to buy like a Blue Oyster cult album. I'll never forget this.

The live one. They have a live album that's really fucking good. Godzilla, don't feel the Reaper. It was like, I don't know. No, that's not on that. No, that wasn't out that. That came out after they got popular from that Because they went on tour

With Black Sabbath With Ronnie James Deo And it was called the Black and Blue Tour A lot of people don't remember this shit Monday more than Coxuckers We're dropping knowledge here Before we drop any more knowledge I'm gonna cut over to an ad for better help

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BetterHelphelp. H-E-L-P.com slash Diaz. And now back to the podcast. All right, we're back. I hope you contact BetterHelp if you're having some confusion in your life. You don't know what's going on. They'll always help you out. Anyway, back to Ozzy Osbourne here.

So I go into the fucking village, and I'm looking throughout covers. And I don't know what the fuck I'm buying. I'm looking for Blue Oster coat. And right fucking there, it said Ozzy. And they go, because blue is right next to black, you know, before. So they had black, and then they had Blue Oyster coat. And then as I was walking down, it had Ozzy, just playing Ozzy. I go, what the fuck is this?

And I pull out a four-song EP. And I'm looking at it, and it's Ozzy Osbourne on the cover with the fucking jacket on, with the wings coming over, fucking Rudy Sarsaw on the side, not really. At the time, it was the different bass player. And then it was Randy on the side, and the old man drummer was on the back. He was like 100, that dude.

He's still around. And I remember looking at it, And guys, I was there for John Lennon and Bloisicoke, and I just bumped into my fucking treasure. Every feeling in my body just dumped out. It was just four songs. Mr. Crowley, I don't know, a suicide solution, and something else.

That was the first four-song EP from fucking fuck nuts. So it sent me over, guys, I was so fucking a fucking. static and then a couple weeks later the album came out and i was fucking going off but if ozzie hadn't connected with me before he had connected with me on this album with the blizzard guy and again i feel fucking like a weakling telling you this story but it's the truth i didn't have anything else this was all that was keeping me together on that album he put out two songs that really fucking stuck with me one is mother revelation mother earth i just lost my mother This guy's talking about a mother.

Not only that, Pink Floyd's got a song on the wall about mother. So it was a tough year for Uncle Joey with mothers, right? Everybody's coming out with mother, mother, mother, mother, and I'm missing my mother. But Ozzy's mother revelation hit home. But the song that fucking destroyed me on that is, I don't know. They have a verse, and I don't know that whenever I'm a little depressed, I still fucking sing it in my heart. And it's nobody ever told me.

I found out for myself. You got to believe in foolish miracles. It's not how you play the game. It's if you win or lose, you can't choose. Those words right there, don't confuse. Win or lose, it's up to you. That has carried me for fucking 40 fucking years. Those words are so fucking powerful in that song that,

and, you know, hearing Randy on the guitar, when Ozzy came back with that band, it was the most exciting fucking thing that happened since Leonard Skin had died and then Bon Scott died so the community was a little low when Ozzy came back out with that album guys you know I wish you could have remembered it

it just it took everything down it was game over Van Halen was done Van Halen came out with Van Halen too everybody had a step aside for that first fucking Ozzie everybody and it was growing I mean it was in every magazine now they were everywhere rolling stone cream they were fucking taking over and I read about what happened you know like I want to know

what happened again there's no fucking internet guys today you go on there and find anything you want to the back then when I was a kid there was no fucking internet but from reading you know I read that they threw him out of the band you know for his drug use which I'm like fuck I can't wait to get older. So when I'm in a band, I get thrown out for drug use. You know what I'm saying? Like,

I just related to this fucking mook, you know? And guys, I saw him with Sabbath, and then tickets went on sale for fucking the Palladium with Randy Rose, Rudy Sazo,

the drummer, and fucking Ozzy Osbourne. And I think 40 of us went. We were maybe sophomores in high school, juniors, 40 of us motherfuckers went, and another 40 motherfuckers from North Bergen were there,

the older guys. And he came out and destroyed that fucking room. He opened up with, and the place just fucking, just erupted, guys, and he did two shows. I don't know, he fucking came out with him.

And the best thing was at that time, he still wasn't fucking with Sabbath. Like he was not doing any fucking Sabbath at all. He was just doing. going straight up fucking that out. You know, it was tremendous. The night I saw him. You know, I don't remember if he did Sabbath.

I could be wrong. There was a lot of drugs that night. You understand me? We were in the acidic state of mind. But he was also pushing the blizzard of Oz. Now, Oz he had threatened, like in 75, to leave Sabbath. Or maybe he did leave Sabbath, and he started a band called the Blizzard of Oz that was short-lived.

For years, I saw all those. pictures with him with blizzard the blizzard guys that was my again I'm not gonna be like one of these guys that sues the cigarette company after they smoked all their life and they get cancer if I had any doubts about not doing coke Ozzie erased that shit like he was he was my fuck I still remember being in a cemetery with my friend Carlos and laying getting sun in a cemetery and snorting bumps just because of lying snow blind in the sun soon my eyes age is yet to come

I mean guys I'm a fucking geek okay I'm a drug geek and he just lit that fucking match from me you know it was like the first time you listen to bitch girl by all the notes rich girl when you're when you're in the sixth grade

and that song came on you lost your mind you know why because he said the word bitch you're a child He said, bitch. You know, I remember when Chuck Barry came out with my dingling. And we were like in the fifth grade. Everybody bought my dingling. Asked me where my dingling is today.

I don't even want to see that fucking album. It was a horrible album. But you're young and you're very, you know, you fall for that shit. And I fell for it like I loved. But there was a lot of shit about Ozzy that I liked early on that a lot of people didn't know I liked. I wasn't just a fan of his because of drugs. He can't. He's not a great singer.

Doesn't have a lot of range. Doesn't have a lot of range. You know, if you watch Ozzy, there was just something about him. You know, there's some people who are tremendous fucking singers, and they get a whole career going. Fucking Rob Alford, that motherfucker could sing since day one. Not for everybody's taste, but he could sing. You know, Pat Benetard could sing, not just rock.

That bitch used to be an opera singer. She could fucking sing. Ozzie was always like, you know, you rate out. Ozzy is a singer, he's a fucking six. But his fucking story, his fucking story is beautiful. You know, that neighborhood, Birmingham, England,

that ain't no fucking, that ain't no Beverly Hills. That is not Beverly Hills. And them and Judas Priest came out of Birmingham, England. You know, and they fucking, all those motherfucking bands, they're savages. Those people are savages. They eat toenails. You saw what he was doing.

He was fucking licking piss off the floor. Ozzy was a fucking savage and after a while, yes, you know, it went somewhere else. He bit the head off the pigeon. That's not my world. That's not my world. I ain't bite no fucking head off no pigeon. But, you know, when the story goes, listen, sabotage is such a great album because they were furious. Their story goes that they were just getting ripped off by the music label. You know, did you just hear this week or two weeks ago?

John Fogarty just got the rights back to his music. That's fucking huge. that's huge that they were at war it doesn't really matter what i'm trying to say is that the 70s and 60s in rock music it was a fucking free-for-all it was a steel fest lezeplin was making boxes of fucking money and they did dictated the market how they didn't get charged with tax fraud and all that shit in the 70s i read the books i got 10 lead zeppelin books barbillinger has sent me they were making boxes of money god knows what peter grant was fucking stealing.

You know, and Sharon Osborne's father was the original manager to Black Sabbath. He had that label in England or whatever, and he was robbing them blind. They had no fucking money. They were on the road for like three years. They had no money.

No money. Gangstered no money. Like, not like, well, we'll send you a report. No, there's no money. Like, we gave you 28 balls. Like, that's what they were doing to these guys. It was fucking rough. And when You do, like as a civilian at that time, I didn't feel the pain. But once I became a comic, I'm like, fuck, I know exactly what that feels like.

There's people who run these contracts and they tell you they're going to pay you this amount. And then you don't get another dime throughout the rest of the fucking, they keep it all. But meanwhile, they're telling you, oh, yeah, you'll get a check once a fucking month. They robbed those guys. When Sharon found Ozzy, this motherfucker was living on top of the liquor store in Sunset Boulevard in a one bedroom apartment. They wanted to get rid of him. They're like, he's done.

They wrote him the fuck off, guys. When I found these stories out, like in 82, 83, when I started, more shit started coming out. I was blown the fuck away. He was one of the top singers in the top band, nine fucking albums. And this guy was broke, living on top of, that's, I forget the liquor store name.

Like, it's a pub, herbs or something. It's a popular liquor store. this motherfucker was living up there with Ugats nothing she's the one that fucking got him up and said you know get up that's why when you see her I give her all the credit in the fucking world

she fucking brought a dead man back to life she really fucking did you see what he did he just didn't come back with a great album he came back with two or three great fucking albums and then the guy died then he replaced him then he started fucking he put a festival together he put a badass fucking festival together

this guy took the ball and ran guys then they started reality TV I mean guys he was at the forefront and it was all her you know and in a way you look at him and you're like you know he's just a fucking moogah yeah you know they just pull him by a fucking string keep giving him fucking pills he's one of those guys

that for years they argue is he sober is he not sober dog let me tell you something guys like that those geysers from the 70 don't never be sober I deal with an uncle right now the guy that was my best man this motherfucker has always got something on him

and he'll tell you I'm sober because for them they're sober for them they're fucking sober so for everybody else you're like he's still eating pills nah I'm sober compared to what I was doing six eight balls a bottle of vodka a bottle of tranquilizes fucking gorilla biscuits I'm sober and I get that

with him but I've always respected the fuck out of him and this week and it was weird because one of my guys on Patreon hit me up and he's like described the black Sabbath concert for me the first one you went then I'm like this is the weirdest thing in the world the next day was when Ozzie came out and goes I saw the video when I looked at the fucking video it broke my heart he gave it its all nobody ever thought that dude would still be alive nobody including me I was like that motherfucker's gonna die from all the cocaine use and shit. That cocaine use made him and Keith Richards tougher than fuck. And just the fact that these guys, this is why somebody told me this a couple of years ago,

I think it was Rudy Sarzo who said the legends are going back on the road. This is your time to go see them. This is your time to go see them. If you ever had to really, really want to go see somebody for the last time, whatever. Because you don't want to fucking, I know, I want to see Ozzy again. I didn't know how I was going to see him, but he might do like a residency. That's what they're pushing for.

He's not going to quit live performing. He could still sing. He just doesn't want to fucking travel. Hello? Would you want to fucking travel? You know what I'm saying? So it's going to be interesting where this goes. But just the summer's coming.

I know a lot. I know next week, right down the corner, it's Motley Crew at the Hard Rock, where we went to see Rogan. Yeah, it's Motley Crew with Def Leppin. You know, these guys aren't going away. And, you know, you sit there and you go, do I really want to pay $200 to see Def Leppin?

I didn't. Two weeks ago. But now, I think I want to go see these guys one last time. I grew up on this fucking music guys. You know, concerts have changed a lot. You know, I see these post-Malone shows and shit like that. Fuck that. I would never go to those things, you know.

But I still want to see some old fucking rockers. I really wanted to see Aerosmith in Vegas. I think that's a tremendous residency. Anybody who's gone to see it, it says it's fucking tremendous. He might be done. You know, he might be done, Stephen Tyler. Guys, it's fucking tough. I asked, I knew his testosterone doctor in L.A.

And I asked him, you know, who his number one patients were. and he was i thought it was was it actors or football players and he told me that it was musicians we didn't get into particulars but when i went to his wedding the guy from bush was there with she was still married to

gren stephanie so when i went to this doctor's wedding i saw them there and a couple other people i didn't really know who they were they all had fancy hair and blue hair and shit but i know he had a couple bands so i asked them Why do the musicians shoot? I'm not saying Ozzy shot. I'm just telling you what is the protocol right now. First off, these older bands, they only do three shows a week.

That's all they could handle. And they take a night off in between. And I don't know if you guys ever saw the Alex Rodriguez testosterone thing. Alex Rodriguez would take a gummy in the sixth inning. A testosterone gummy. They made a testosterone gummy for him so he would come alive. in the seventh, eighth, and ninth inning. So, and then when he got off stage,

it was such a light boost that it wouldn't appear in his urine or something. They did do something. That's what he was telling me they're doing with the rock stars. They do the testosterone a little bit before the show all that morning, and then, like, 30 minutes into the show, they give the drummer a solo,

and they all go back there, they take a fucking shot, and they go out to the... And that's what, dog, I can't, 70? My friends went to see fucking Jeff Beck, and they said Jeff Beck was older than fuck. God rest of soul, I'm not here to insult nobody, but they say he couldn't even move. He just stood up their plane, you know.

Look what happened with my man, Mick Mars. He's done, you know, and I fucking love that motherfucker. That motherfucker could shred. He looks like a fucking old geezer, but he could, he could shred, bro. That dude could fucking shred. but that's it and if you look at what's coming up

what do we got left what are we got left we got David Groh we got those guys I mean big bands what do you yes I mean

I can't I could see guns still being out there but they gotta put out new music eventually they have to support their next tour with something somebody's got to light themselves on fire something i mean i really appreciate that i love fucking guns and roses but they're starting to get you know

every day you go in your car and there's paradise city i'm waiting for and i i have tried putting on like uh use your illusion like on youtube when i'm writing or something reading yeah go through the whole thing you know pro jam still throwing heat i wish take a figure out a way to get sound garden back but nobody wants to see garden sound without chris cornell that's that's just that's stupid idea dear Joey. Allison Chains is still throwing heat. I'm going to see with you. We're going to see Rudy May 2nd at N.J. Pack.

He's got like eight tickets for us. He said to give you two of them. You know, now I feel bad. I feel bad about the attitude I had the last 10 years. Living in L.A., you know, I tried to go see Michael Shankner every fucking year. And I always had a stupid fucking date when he came to town. you know

uh you know and i just i put i put comedy and i let uh stand up getting the way of my music career for a long fucking time you know i'm a big music guy music is music lifts my spirits as times i'm down i could smoke a half a number and put an alma on

and i'm brand the fuck new i mean it's music just uh it really affects who the fuck I am. You know, I like coming back every once in a while. Sometimes I don't even play the music. I just look through the albums and it gives me the strength of 10 dead Iranians.

I just fucking, you know, I'll read the wall of fucking it's Monday motherfuckers. What do you want? We got a big fucking week this week, man. If you really think about it, you got a big sports week. I know a lot of you motherfuckers are getting ready for the soup bowl, where you're going to wear, where you're going to eat.

I'm going to eat some mushrooms. I just gave Mike a little five-man packers. Let me see that motherfucking bag right here. These things are tremendous. Sillies are fucking taken over. They also have chocolate now. Now, I've gotten some chocolate mushrooms in town here. They taste like dick, okay?

Dog, you got to taste Sillies chocolate. They taste so fucking good. The chocolate's like Guadalei, Guadale, what's that fucking chogodalei? Gia deli. It's like that, guys. That's how good the chocolate is, and it's shiny. It's dark chocolate, cocoa, which is good for you. You know, even for my age, they said, you should eat some cacao.

Dark cocoa, whatever the fuck it is, once or twice a week. The dark, don't eat regular chocolate. Eat dark chocolate. So, yeah, I'm going to eat some fuck. I got some shrooms saying for the soup bowl. It's a big night Saturday night. You got my man fucking Bolanoski. You got Mickleshoff, whatever.

You know, I'm not going to go with Russian names. Whatever the fuck. I don't know what the hell is going on anymore. You got fucking soup bowl over the under. You got so many games going on. And listen, guys, I love working for draft kings. I love fucking draft kings. But let's get something straight.

I am not here telling you to fucking place a bet or whatever. I'm telling you, read my words. I'm telling you to have fun. Everything has an entertainment value. It's the value you put on it. Okay? Hey, if you want to spend $800 for Roger Waters, go ahead. Some people look at me and they go, I'll give $200 for that communist.

After that, I don't want to list. I ain't paying a dime over that shit. It's the same thing with having a good time. If you want to have a good time, what do you want to? You want to get stakes and people jumping up and down and bitches flying through the air. You got to go for a $150 steak, you know what I'm saying? It's the same thing. So for me, Doug, I get, when I was a kid and I used to gamble,

because that's what you do when you're an idiot, you gamble and you lose. That's one thing, but when you play, you know what the things are and you know this is just a game. $25 isn't going to affect my family. If I bet a game for $25 bucks,

if I bet a game for $100, it will affect my family. These are the things you've got to know on your own. Last two nights ago there was a UFC. I didn't, nothing. me now I'm into college basketball If I see something I like Ohio State or something $25 bucks

It's entertainment Sometimes I even check to see what's on TV at night And if there's a game coming on I'll just try my fucking basketball knowledge For 25 bucks You know I love them as a company They got great customer service

And I've been with them for three years I think I've been with them before I was with them a year before I even started working with them. Like I enjoyed them. I tried a couple different companies, but I really like fucking Draft Kings, and that's why I ended up partnering up with them.

So they're going to have some great things going on for the Super Bowl. Don't forget, if you're in Jersey, fucking stoner club, you want to be prepared. I'm going to try to get them some fucking laughing gas by the soup ball. I promise you, motherfuckers. But tomorrow's anything go Monday. Today is anything. thing go Monday.

You get like 10% off all your orders. Give them a stoner club.com and use Uncle Joey. And that's it, motherfuckers. It's a great Monday. I'm great. I'm happy to be alive. I'm happy for you,

motherfuckers. My Patreon is at the best point I've ever had them. They're all normal. For years, I had all these crazy people talking about the weather and shit. Nah, I got people with real problems. And we communicate.

It's fucking great on that. And that's it. guys. I'm just having a good time and slinging dick and giving our chopsticks. That's what we do around here on Uncle Joey's joint. So stay black, have a great week, and here's

a word from our sponsors, cocksuckers. See you next Monday morning after the Super Bowl. All right, you bad motherfuckers, thank you for letting me talk about Ozzie today. I just thought that it's what threw me off the boat last week. But I'm back, bitches. Thank you for supporting me. Before I got to get

out of you, listen, this episode was sponsored by BetterHelp. When you feel empowered, you're more prepared to take on everything life throws that year. I was a BetterHelp for at least a year, and they took me out of my funk and put me in the right place. Dana did a great job. Better help is the therapy option that it's really convenient, flexible, affordable, and entirely online. You don't even have to leave your house. Just fill out a brief questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist, and switch therapist anytime with no additional charge. It couldn't be any easier, right? If you want to to live a more empowered life and have control of your life, let betterhelp.com slash

Diaz get you there. And when you sign up today, I'm going to get your 10% off your first month, all right? That's betterhelp.com slash Diaz. The joint is also brought to you by Rocket Money, formerly known as True Bill. You're paying too much for your subscriptions. You don't even know what the hell you got out there. Cable bills, this, that, masseuses, that's why I love Rocket Money, formerly known as true. bill. The app shows you all your subscriptions in one place and cancels whatever ones you

don't want. It's that easy. They can even find the ones you didn't even know you had. So you may even find out you're being double charged. How's that for you? Download Rocket Money today, right now. Just press cancel and Rocket Money takes care to rest. Get rid of useless subscriptions with Rocket Money right now. Go to rockermoney.com slash Joey. Seriously, I'm going to save you hundreds per year and you're going to really love me then, your little dirty animals. That's rocketmoney.com slash Joey. Cancel your unnecessary

subscriptions right now at rocketmoney.com slash Joey and the joint is also brought to you by. Listen, either you're going to get the party started this weekend or you're not. We're talking about two fights and then a tremendous football game. In fact, the biggest one of the year on Sunday

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See show notes for details. I want to thank Rocket Money. I want to thank Draft Kings, and I want to thank BetterHelp for always having my back, but I want to thank you motherfuckers. Stay black, have a great week. Uncle Joey loves you.