The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #234 - Joey Diaz, Vicky Pezza and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: December 1, 2014

Vicky Pezza, Podcaster and Comedian, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code words joey or church for two free rentals. Recorded live on 11/27/2014.Music:AC/DC - She's Got BallsThe Allman Brothers - Whipping Post

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Old school. Taking it back. Keep an eye out for the new 4K technology coming out soon. We ain't fucking around for a special edition. The church of what's happening now, motherfuckeruckers. song here, celebrate Vicki Pezz in the house right here.

Your old school ACDC. This is the opening to my night last night. Oh shit. November 27, 2014. Happy Thanksgiving to you bad motherfuckers. Kick that jam, Lee. So guys, just imagine. 90 miles an hour.

A dark freeway. Joy. Edibles. Going fucking deep. I didn't give a fuck, you understand me? He's beeping at Toyota Corolla. And he's like, fuck you too. Oh, shitly.

I can feel the edible going down. Kick it, Lee. Kick it, Thanksgiving. Let the pilgrims loose, bitches. Break out that apple pie and the bong hits, motherfuckers. We're going deep tonight. You understand me? Fuck it.

You got no work tomorrow. What are you going to do? But most important of all, are you fucking kidding me? Oh shit Oh shit She's got balls bitches Grab those motherfuckers Yum yums on Thanksgiving

Because everything's all right You get the turkey, the stuffing The party don't start Until you get your balls licked on Thanksgiving That's when you're looking up going Fuck Jesus Christ Those pilgrims had it right They gave up their apples

But those Indians licked their fucking nuts It's over That's how it started That's how the name Smith came on Did you know that? How? Smith apples She sucked his dick

What are you? You want to call the kid Smith. Bang, there you go, see. I'm just giving you a little pilgrim history. A lot of people don't know that shit. Nobody knows about the fucking pilgrims. Special edition, church. First of all, happy Thanksgiving from the church.

Family, Vicki Peza. Happy Thanksgiving. Lee Syatt, Mr. P's in the fucking house sitting over there, giving us the evil life. Oh, it's stone to the gills. Let me throw this out there. What are you going to throw on? Felis dia de action de grace.

Are you fucking crazy or what? Yeah. Makes you know Obama's going to be here with the immigrant. The graduation act of 1962. How was everybody's Thanksgiving? I hope everybody's Thanksgiving was great today. It's a great day. I don't know what the fuck you people look at it as.

It's weird. My first few Thanksgivings. And I went to your house two years ago or last year. No, because Terry was pregnant. It was two years ago. But it's weird when you first moved somewhere and you're new. And I was just thinking about how. And it's not that they were bad.

Like some of them were bad, but I was just working and didn't go anywhere. But it's not like, when your mom's cooking and you go to like her aunt's house and everyone's watching football and then they call you up for dinner. And this was one of the first years where, and it wasn't even perfect because, like we had to wait for a while,

but it was, this was like the first year where it felt like an actual Thanksgiving again. You had family. Yeah. You went over to the girl's house. You made the chicken. The brother was there. They were eyeballing.

Why is his white dude in the house? Is he a cop? Is he a friend? Now, where's the uncle? He disappeared. Oh, yeah, the uncle's gone. They never found them again? Well, no, no.

They saw him, but he just loved. I mean, even when I was at her house the uncle was like kind of not there so he's done they lost him right he stayed in a little Obama neighborhood yeah all right what's up with you vicky Pete hi guys happy

Thanksgiving happy Thanksgiving this is awesome this is it it's great we went to Bubba Gump shrimp that was our Thanksgiving dinner Vicki Pete let me say what happened I was supposed to go to my uncle's house but my fucking retarded cousin called me Monday night in the middle of my

stonage at night and said, your uncle's doing it again. He doesn't want to go. He doesn't want nobody at his house. He wants to take you guys out to dinner. So I said, I looked at my wife and mine. She's like, she's not going to be good in the restaurant. Forget it. Right, right, right. So the next day, I called my uncle and I go, Unk, I got the message from Marta, no biggie. We'll hook up with you later on. Two hours later, I'm in the movies, and he's calling me furious. He's going, I didn't say that. I said, instead of cooking, why don't we just go out to dinner? I'll take It's to McCormick and Schmitz and we'll do the special or whatever.

So my cousin fucked up the message. By that point, you gave us off the hook. You got me and my wife and the baby off the hook. We didn't really want to drive to Glenn Day and we. Sometimes you open your mouth and I'm like, ooh. So we went and ordered a $100 turkey from fucking Boston Market because we thought people were coming over. Right. The girl that was supposed to come over called and sick.

She called her 10 and said she's sick. You don't want me sick around the baby. I got 10 pounds of white meat and stuffing at the house I mean it's prison stuffing It's stove top with extra carrots But it's not bad On a fucking turkey sandwich

You know Right So you're always welcome at the house I feel terrible You want to bubble dumps to eat Who got some fucking Thanksgiving day We normally have people over our house

And like at the end of last week We're just like Forget it let's not even do it You know But then the day comes And it's like Well fuck we should do something You got at least like

Goat go eat something and everywhere that had like some sort of Thanksgiving theme like anything in LA like everything's booked you need reservations these people savages yeah these people are crazy like this is it this is my last holiday year yeah yeah honest to God guys I haven't had a holiday in the East Coast and 30 years my last holiday was this anniversary and it wasn't a fucking holiday I was homeless I was snort and fucking blow it was crazy it was the worst Christmas in my life but that was the last that feeling you get that jersey

yeah you know everything starts the night before two nights before yeah you know two nights three nights and you're done already like your mind is somewhere else like the 20th it's over right like by the 20th there's nothing else there's nothing for us to discuss even though I hate

even though I hate the cold it's like walking in and it's either just snowed or it's gonna snow and like you have to take all your jackets off and they'll go in one room on a bed yeah I miss that sort of stuff sometimes. You, we overlook it. And then when you go back there and you realize, this is fucking cold.

Yeah. Like, once you get out of it, once you, they take your mental state out of the East coast, you don't, that's it. You have to be mentally. I think you're mental. Because, like, I was in Philly last weekend. And it was cold. Was it cold already?

Oh, yeah. And I had a hooded sweatshirtown, seven feet in Buffalo. Holy shit. What the fucking Philly was like? Snowed six feet in Buffalo. Not guys, not two days at two. feet a piece and then two days no six feet one shot it's getting worse and worse back there my friends are telling me they pay a thousand a month for heating oil oh my god in the winter time the last three

or four winters a thousand a month it's been getting crazy there my parents live in a in a portly beach like near seaside heights and it gets insane the snowstorms they get they get pummeled man when i was in college living in the city i never turned my heat on like we would be freezing in the apartment. It's just, it was too expensive. Are you serious? Until, like, maybe mid-January when it got too cold. Up until then, we were just, like, fight it out. Luckily, I was on the top floor a few times, so, like, the heat rises.

Right. But there are times in the morning, when you, like, you get out of, when you put one foot out from under the, it covers, and then it hits the floor, and the floor is ice, and then just... I don't like places. Like, they put you out of these foo-foo hotels now, these clubs. Mm-hmm. And these hotels have showers. with no fucking shower curtains.

Like just a piece of glass. You don't like your glass? Oh, you're right, right? No, no, I don't like fucking glass around when I'm showing. Never. Do I want any fucking type of glass when I'm showing? Not at all. I don't like glasses in the bathroom area.

There's a candle in my bathroom because of the stink of my asshole. I'm beyond Lysaw. Like, the shit I took this morning was Lysaw couldn't do fuck to it. Lysaw just dies. When you spray it out of the can, it just goes, I use these supersonic. candles it works you got to leave the door open for 22 minutes the whole house smells like that the fuck if the candle gets in there it's like the candle

against the fart and the smell of rotten ass and guts and peanuts and whatever the fuck it is anyway it's Thanksgiving people what we want to talk about tomorrow you're going to be suffering you get those turkey sandwiches on white don't end with the stuffing that becomes spackle in your fucking stomach and you throw spaghetti sauce on it and milk and who got some coffee that becomes one missile of turkey fucking stuffing stuffing, white bread, cranberry sauce. Wait till you see the fucking toilets tomorrow. You think like there's like a like plumbers love the day after holiday.

Oh, fuck yeah. Some people are going to get their toilets clung. Oh, fuck yeah. It's like the more domestic violence the day after Super Bowl is some shit. It's like more toilets get broken the day after Thanksgiving. Now they're trying to make fucking Super Bowl commercial. Don't hit women. Have you seen that new one where it's like domestic violence is hard to talk

about and they're all like crying a little bit. That's the worst one. They're crying because God knows why they're fucking crying. They're like, what a fuck in my hair? This is painful to do. I got to listen and talk to eight women with eye patches on it. This is what I fucking need today. I got to come in here on my day off and listen to this shit now.

You got beat up by a football player. What the fuck you did they do? They lift weights and they hit people. Why is it going to be any different? They're going to love you, you're fuck. Once you miss the fucking spaghetti dinner And once you don't do the dishes or something You get them waxing the side of the fucking head.

I was thinking about that today. What the fuck do these guys do? I didn't know he was such a gentle guy. Fucking they snap. We snap. Everybody fucking snaps. Things are bad out there. But like how much, like do you think like baseball players

just have a girl in every city? Because they only work like four hours a day, five hours a day. And then they're in hotels constantly. Like, do you think any of them are faithful to their wives? Sure they all, Lee. You do? Yeah.

You know what kills these players? They think about how much money they're going to lose it. They fuck somebody else and get caught. That's always got to be a deterrent. That always has to be a deterrent in your back of your mind. If you're making $92 million a year that your wife, that's number one. Then you've got to love your fucking wife. You know what I was just looking up?

Because I was trying to figure out who had more money, Hulk Hogan, or the rock. Like that's what, that was something I decided to look up. Has to be the rock. And I, it is. Like,

his net worth is up there. And like Hulk Hogan's, like I had imagined, but it would be, and it was only eight million. And I was like, well, that seems impossible after,

after everything he's done. So I read up about it. And in 2007, he got divorced. And his wife took like 70% of everything. So that, because there shouldn't have been that much of a gap. Like the rocks in,

you know, the three figures. I was just trying to think who the most famous wrestlers are and how much... Well, we had a couple of music. We had Dean Del Rey and Rudy Sarzo on recently. And when they were talking about the music business, did you see today the article about the Creed frontman who's, like, broke and living in a holiday inn or something?

Really? Yeah. And he sold, like, I said, like, 100 million records. And granted, they said he's on drugs. So, I mean, I guess I could go through anything, but Jesus. Like, when you hear that kind of money, you don't think they could ever be broke. Right. that album sold

unbelievable human clay or something with tire on it Jesus Christ everybody had that album The fucking music business They just rob you And the tours And all the public appearances

He did for three, four years On that fucking songs And lies wide open Those are public appearances At $50 a fucking ticket And you know Live Nation and all this fucking money But they don't

You know You don't know. Two weeks ago in a hotel, I ended up watching behind the music, and it was TLC. And they were shooting a million-dollar videos and not knowing. This gets built.

This gets built. Somebody has to pay for this. But some people are just so fucking confused. Then you cut deals. You renegotiate. But those first couple of album deals, you're pretty much working just to stay eating. Like I said,

I had, there was somebody in the building when I lived on Gardner that they were opening up for Limp Biscuit. And the kid was broken. I was talking to him, are you serious? He's like, yeah, first of all, there's six of us in the fucking band. Oh, right. Then we tour, and then

we're shooting the album. They're charging us for studio time. Yeah, they throw you out, $300,000 on advance. But there's a guy that you got to show up with a fucking receipt to give you a check. You're not going to go up to him and go, I need a card, by the way. You don't get them fucking car with this $300,000, you know, shit like that.

It's fucking tough. So I could just imagine. Money goes, guys. Money fucking goes. Okay, you're a frontman. Whatever, a TV guy. You're pulling down $100,000 a fucking month. That's just average.

You know, that's just fucking average. $200,000 a month. You know, what kind of house you're going to live in? Are you going to buy a home or are you going to fucking just rent one for a couple of years? At 15,000 a month. Your cars, you're this, you're that. That adds up, guys. Then there's a special thing called fucking taxes.

And you don't fucking know about those things. And you get a check, you do a movie, or you do three days on a fucking job, and you're supposed to gross $1,000, and you're bringing home $6 or $580. It's 30%. And then you fucking go home, and then they send you a bill at,

the end of the fucking year. And you sit there and go, what about the 400? You took out of my fucking check. You know, that's how I think. You sit there and go, what the fuck is going on? And then everything you do, you've got to pay for now. You know, everything you fucking do.

You know, we're about to go into hell in two years with this little girl. Oh, man. So this is recreation. Right. You know, when you were a kid in Jersey, your dad walked into Nutley Rec and Orton Beach Rec. You signed in, you showed them your birth certificate. They gave you a T-shirt.

and all your dad had to buy you with fucking sneakers for $10. And you played soccer or baseball, basketball, whatever the fuck it is now. Now, I go down there with you there's a sign up fee. $110 and $602 for the shirt. And 30 for the knee pads

because you've got to have knee pads and elbow pads. That's mandatory from the state insurance now. And they've got to be a class three fucking bush because if not, they're not safety hazard for the fucking... It's unbelievable. Where the state used to pick all this shit up when we were growing up. What you did was show up.

All you did was show the fuck up. Now you got to show up with your own fucking equipment. You know, what's the medium household level in this country? 40 Gs, dirty Gs, what the fuck are you expect to survive on? You got rent, you got childcare, unless you got a mother that's baby sitting in. She's happened to fucking bag every day smoking cigarettes, blowing cancer on your kid. You know what I'm saying? Watching the price is right.

You know, but she don't give a fuck about Sesame Street. This is what your options are. Sure, you don't have a fucking chance. I see it. I see it now, sitting here going, you know, we went and looked at daycares. You guys think I'm a fucking half a bag. Daycare is astronomical. Astronomical for you for a house or two, a house of one.

It's like a rent. It's a fucking, it's a Vig. So it never ends. It never fucking ends, guys. You know, I flew last week. It was $723 to sit in the back from L.A. to Philly. $723 to $7. Imagine a family of four going back for the holidays.

$3,000. Three grand without luggage fees. Without rental car. It's amazing. Our family's going to do anything. You can't go to a Laker game. You can't go to a fucking Dodger game. Yeah.

You know, when we were kids, it was $15. And if you took the fucking 10 fucking Pepsi caps that gave you $10 off and shit like that, you came up with five Coke cans, you know. And I'm nowhere near ready for this, but I've always been the kind of person who's wanted kids. Like, I like kids. The more and more I talk to people, and the more and more I see how much it costs, I don't know. I mean, wouldn't it be nice to just go and, like, if Paul and I are doing well, just go to Hawaii?

I mean, that sounds selfish. But with the amount of money they're talking about, I mean, it's kind of crazy when you think about it. Hawaii is for two weeks. A child lasts forever. That's true. A little fucking stone. You can't compare them. You cannot compare it.

You cannot compare it, especially now that I sit here, I'm telling you this. I wouldn't be talking to you like this three years ago. Really? I was anti-child after, you know. I was anti-child. I understand it. I get it, you know? You're going to have a child.

You're going to give some child love to live in debt and disparity and not know. We already have a lot of fucking doubts as it is. Yeah. It's tough out there. I can't see now. What happened now, if I would have planned out, it would have never happen. Right. But after seeing, they're in touch, and now I've got a commitment to me.

Is that why you want to go back to East for the holidays? Absolutely. Because, like, seeing her experience it. This is death. Poor girls from fucking Orteley Beach. Where are you from, Mr. Pete? Thumbra. Okay.

And you guys went to fucking Mr. fucking Bubba Gump. Yeah. You wouldn't even fuck into walking, walk into Bubba Gump's if you were in Jersey. Oh, my, absolutely not. You would have gone to one of your Gumbah's house or worst-case scenario, Mr. Breakfast. Right? Got two eggs. Fuck it.

Dude right there. That's the best fucking breakfast in the country. Those polluted eggs with marlboro ashes on them? That's as good as it gets. Nobody goes in there because they're gluten-free. They'll knock the fuck out of it, Mr. Breck. They'll smack you with the menu. Try again.

Bam! Try again. Two pancakes. Let me get some almond milk. Bam! We got whole milk here, 16%. You're going to get cancer, but you're going to live. Fuck it.

How are we going to do this milk? Let me get a macachino. Bam! That's it, regular. Milk and sugar, that's how we do it here. Wuffy, right. Fucking morons. Fucking morons.

You know, it's just, and then Christmas comes along, it's 82 degrees. I know. I'm thankful to be alive. I'm thankful to be happy. But even nobody, these fucking mutts,

even if they invite you over, they'll give you like artichoke dip. Right. Like that shit, and some spinach dip. Do you know it's two days away from Christmas? Where's the fuck? fucking festival, the seven fish.

Right, yes, yes. Where's the seven fish? Bust out some shrimp. Not those little ones either. I'll stab me in the fucking neck. If you don't have them, call me, and I'll stop in Gelson's and I'll get you the medium ones, so we don't sit around looking at each other

like we've never eaten fucking shrimp before. Where's the feast? Where's just simple things? You go to their fucking house. Every time I go to somebody's house and have that artichoke dip, I just look at my wife. Listen, get the jacket. Get the kid.

These mutts don't know how to fucking live. They're going to hit you with artichote. What am I? What's my last name? Charles? What's my first name? Charles? The fuck, artichoke dip. Get that shit out of here. And don't show up with fucking nachos with cream cheese and fucking that red sauce because I'll stabbing the lung through.

Come on. Jazz it up a little bit. It's 2014. There's got to be some fucking recipe in a gardening magazine. A nagroarerle with a chicken foot in it's something. A fucking fried zucchini. You're going to show up with artichoke dip and nachos. People love them.

Listen, what type of people you hang with? What the fuck out of here, you fucking mutts? I'm certain. Yeah, that's not exactly. No, that's what I eat out here. That's a girl point. I got cuss-cus. Listen, let me tell you something.

I want cuss-couce, like I want fucking... You're fucking jack off. Bring out the heat. Bring out some spicy shrimp, something. Some montigot, cut into little things with toothpicks in it. Be fucking creative. I went to a friend's house from you. He got monigot, and he cut them into late.

He hardened them when they get a little hard and he cut them. So you pick up that they got would stay in there and you just pop it like a fucking olive. Come on, that's fucking genius. Be creative. That's brilliant. It's two thousand fucking fourteen. You're going to show up with that artichoke dip with leaves in it. Like I'm impressed.

That's bitch. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck what it is. Or how about when it's the loaf of bread that's hollowed out and then the dip is in it? It's 2004 and there's always like a hair. What happened today? Where were you with the? They brought a dog to the restaurant.

The fucking place on Magnolia. And it wasn't like a French point. Like, I'm getting aggravated with this shit. Now you're starting to look. Listen, one thing about me is I smoke Rifa. And I don't smoke Rifa because I want to be cool or I want to be hip. I smoke Rifa because it fills a void. I'm also a social misfit.

But when I smoke Rifa balances me out. That doesn't mean I'm going to walk into the restaurant with the world's biggest fucking joint and puff on it while I eat my fucking breakfast. I would never do that to you. Right. Why would you bring, okay, it's cute. You want to bring your little French poodle?

Your father finger fucked you when you were four. I'm supposed to feel fucking bad for you. All right, you want to bring the dog in because it makes you feel better. It makes you forget about that bad memory. Really? I'm supposed to buy this now. When I see him on planes, I look at him and I give the dog the evil lot. Because if they shit on the plane, they have to land this plane, I'm going to be fucking pissed off.

I'm going to say things. I'm going to fucking say a bunch of fucking dirty things. You know, I'm a social misfit. That's why I smoke weed. Right. To balance for me out, to make them, give me the appearance that when I'm walking in there, people aren't staring at me. When I'm walking in there, people aren't saying, look at that fat dude. You know, when I walk into a place, that's what I feel also.

I've always felt insecure. Oh. With the reefer, it turns the voices off. Right. I don't hear what they're saying. Right. They're not saying anything. Right.

But in my head, they're saying something. Do you understand me? Look at that guy. He's got a felony. Look at that guy. just the way life is sometimes. And I got that from, you know, being Spanish. When I was a kid, I'd always thought that they were, like,

looking at me because I was spam. Look at that fucking dude on the corner. Whatever. He's about to rob somebody. Something. So that's me. So I'm a social misfits. So I get your misfits. Just break down what walking in here with a fucking German shepherd's going to do for you. How do you feel safe with a German shepherd?

At a breakfast place. You had a breakfast fucking place. You might as well bring a dinosaur with it. You know what I'm saying? You might as well bring a dragon. with you. That's it. I'm just, you know. I knew you were mad because you never tweet outside the house. No. You tweet

at home in the morning and maybe at night. It was, no, no. First, the first couple came. And it's not, you know, it's not the woman's fault that she's a moron. It's the guy's fault for not telling me. Come here, for a second. Today we don't leave the dog at the house. Enough. Enough. I got you. I got you. Hold on to my fucking hand. All right. But you're not bringing the fucking dog today.

No. It's you fucking idiots' fault because you're not telling these fucking dumb girls that it doesn't they think like it's cute to have sunglasses on that wasn't it first the german shepherd came first this big dog came and she sat him in the corner then three minutes later that gave some other moron walking by the right to bring his german shepherd so guess what happens when he walks with his german shepherd on the thing they start barking and start fighting amongst each other this idiot takes his german shepherd and tries to walk him in the restaurant. He looks right at mercy and he says browning at mercy. I go fucking banana. I got the knife in my hand ready to throw like a martial art girl. I throw a fucking knife right in his face.

I don't give a fuck. When it comes to mercy, all bets are off. That's where it ends. I don't call the cop. I thought, you know, fuck the guy in Ferguson. This is it. I thought, I thought, and that's all it is. That's what happened to the guy in Ferguson. He overreacted. That's what I would have done. I would have overreacted. I just would have thrown the fucking knife. I'm going to nip the bud before it gets anywhere. Again, back to they should have stopped Hitler in Munich. That's it. Right or wrong? Right. Got to nip the bud fucking early on.

What happened to the holiday festival? Right. Dung-dung-dung-dung. Well, let's talk about how my holiday started last night. Why did your holiday start? Yes, what happened? So we were at the ice house. Thank you and everyone who came out. How about another edible, Lee?

No, I can do it. Just a little corner tonight. Just a corner. It's fucking Thanksgiving. Fine. Jesus Christ. Ding it. So, pop, pop, pop,

a quarter, that's it. That's fine. Just to get the blood going. The blood's going. The blood's going. Listen, listen,

right now, you could take the rest of the week off and we can start December 2nd and do 30 for 30. I'm not doing 30. Right now, you're at three days. We're going straight.

Why not? We're going, this is all you need to. Look at it. I don't want you to eat all. Just eat a call. These are the weak ones. They're not weak.

This is the assistant to the assistant chef. Okay. All right. The real chef is in fucking Florida. We finished the show. as can be. Joey's on two edibles before the show and then one that I know about at the show so I know

he's blasted. He's doing about 90 and the road bit, it's kind of like that's when in Star Wars when they go into hyperspace, that's not a quarter. That's cool. Look. When it goes from being dots to lines. When it goes to lines and that's basically all I'm seeing

and Joey's singing every song that comes on is like a classic to Joey. Oh everything came. They were throwing heat last. They were throwing heat. He's singing, doing 90, beeping at people and saying like, fuck you, Corolla. And then, because I was paranoid, I was like, oh, cops are going to pull us over the night before Thanksgiving. And on clockwork, two cops pull up right beside us.

And they just go past into the HIV lane. Joey looks at me, smiles and goes, beat, beat, beat. He's just screaming doing 90 behind him. Come back. Come back. I got the almond brothers on cock suck. Eat that edible lead. Don't make me just lipping. There you go, in the name of Christ. What did she say to him at the Exorcist?

Whatever. The power of Christ compels you. That's how we do it. My brother, Mr. P., I got turkey sandwiches here for you with a Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola. I got you, dog. You don't have to sit there all cotton mouth. I got a Coke Zero for you. I got turkeys on white Wonderbread. I don't fuck around. I ain't going to show up with some generic fucking brand. I got Helmand's mayonnaise old school.

You understand me? Helvin. A little salt and pepper. Absolutely. You know, I got it right for you, though. I was going to put the stuffing on for you. Yeah, well, this is one of these to go. It's got your name on.

Dun, daga, ding, don't go, go, ging, gong. And I'm laughing. Hysteris. Be on control. And he'll, like, I'm just looking at him. And then I think of you guys. I think, okay, let me film this. I'll put it online.

It doesn't come out because it's so dark. I put, I figure out how to put the flash on. And I basically I blind Joey and he looks slurbs into the lane He's like, what are you doing? And I didn't think it was going to be that bright

So I turn it off And then every 30 seconds He just looks at me and goes Ah cuckers Oh my God I was so high I had a green hornet What is that?

I had a green hornet A 70 milligram dummy I opened up with one of those About 330 Because I bought a Decker a 70 milligram and I bought a greenhorned, right? So I popped the greenhorned when I walked out of the weed store.

Bam, early on, I'm like, why am I doing this to myself? It was 3 30. And I call Lee, and I go, Lee, we're going deep. And Lee's like, all right, fuck it, yeah, whatever. I'm sitting on the couch at about 5.30, and I am fucking blasted. And he started texting me. Deep. Deep.

In capital letters. Just one word. I am fucking blasted. I'm sitting there. I'm nodding out and shit. I'm like, oh, this is terrible. I hadn't had a gummy bag. I should ate a half a one.

It was really strong. Then I'm sitting there. I'm bored, and I'm like, fuck it. The only thing that's going to wake me up is another one. So I blasted a Deca, a buck 80, and I drank a cup of coffee. So that's $2.50. That's $2.50. And then I split the $70 with you.

Yeah. So $2.85. $2.85. I was gone. And I didn't have deckers. And when you don't eat a certain label, the tolerance picks up again. Right. So we've been eating.

So now we switch it up back to Cheebochu. Right, right. That takes that fucking level back up. So for 30 days, I'm going to be throwing heat at you, though. We're already at day three. We've got 27 left. Yeah, you might as well... Dirty for 30. We just got to go to get a blogging amount.

My mom's coming in a couple weeks. That's even better. We got stone. We take her out for lunch. Gajian, fucking stone to the gills. We'll take it to the Italian place. I didn't even tell you what happened to me last night when I was stoned. It was embarrassing.

But luckily nothing really happened. So I was standing outside after the gills. the show and a few people I'm still not used to people asking for pictures with me because it just doesn't make sense. You were smoking dope outside? You smoked hash? Oh, that was hash? Yeah, yeah. No wonder I was so fucking high.

So, I was just standing and talking to people while Joey was taking pictures and this guy came up to me. He said, would you mind taking a picture? And I said, no, of course, because I thought he wanted with me, hands me the camera and he goes to the time. He was a comedian, that older guy. And I was like, oh,

there goes like, because like, I I'm not a comedian, so being on stage is like, it's still, it's exciting for me. And the fact that anyone wants my pictures, like, beyond cool. And so I was like, oh, yeah, I'll take a picture with you. And then he walks and puts his arm around him, like, oh, who's the old comedian? Oh, like, he wanted a picture with Joey to take the picture. I almost went like this to do a selfie. Oh, my God.

But luckily I didn't, but the highness in my mind was just like, yeah, he wants a picture with a find you or something and he didn't at all. And he didn't. He had no idea who I was. That's great. By that point outside, I was just fucking stoned. I don't know what it was, Vicki Bez. I was just gone.

And we got in the car and I was like, I just want to get home. Right. But I got the giggle. You know, I was talking about in Philly last week. I spoke about how I was very fortunate. What happened to me later on getting locked up and my mom dying? That was, but I had a fucking great. childhood and I had a very spontaneous

childhood a childhood that I'd be with people and they were Jersey crazy right right there's crazy and then there's Jersey crazy crazy with love and it's crazy that you laugh your ass off right and that's a gift that somebody gave me that they could make me laugh my I love that there's nothing like laughing nothing like really fucking almost dying I go oh my God oh my God like Like last night, I was laughing in my sleep.

I think about Lee sometimes to laugh because he doesn't know how fucking much he makes me laugh. Like last night on the drive, you know, if you took both of us and put him in two rooms, he described the ride last night, I wanted it to be crazy. I'm 51 years old. I'm on my last leg. But the reason why I get along with Lee, that little area of us, I get them high every night, is because, again, it balances us. we're both 26.

Lee knows I'm a child. Lee knows I'm an asshole, but when I'm not an asshole, I'm a child. Lee knows, Lee knows my deepest secrets, and I will call Lee at two in the morning, giggling, howling at some joke, and drop it on Lee. Drop it.

Lee knows that my mind works. I'm a fucking comedian. I know how to make myself fucking how. I know how to call Lee and tell Lee what I'm living. You know, like the time I got really high, totally this is the cookie that the guy ate when he got lost that radio guy yeah the radio guy that got on the plane and they ended up in dc what was it him no casey case yeah kaysen yeah casey kaysam i was so high watching tv that i got involved with kaysan i'm looking at casey kays and

he must have got one of these cookies and i'm calling lee telling lee and lee must be at home going i just want to live my life why is he calling me every hour but then he called me Because the same night, the President of Israel was coming. He had already called me about Casey Casey. He was like, dog, the President of Israel knows about these cookies. That's why he's showing up. Like, I'm crazy. The Rifa goes into my head too.

Right. And that's the whole part of being a stoner. The best one was when you called me, it was after one, it was after one in time we had an edible. And you called me up and we were both stoned. And you're like, I can't get out of the chair. I'm too high. And you're like, maybe I'll grow wings and fly to the bed. And I just started laughing.

I'm like, you don't have wings? He's like, yes, I do. Cox up. Well, he knows that I go into a T.HC psychosis. Anybody who calls me after 1130, you're crazy. Sometimes I mix weed and an e-cigarette and an edible, I'm done. Right. Like, that is the craziest.

That's when I write jokes. Yeah, yeah. That's when brilliance comes out. That's when just, it's something fucking crazy. It's amazing when the other day I was walking to the YMCA, stone to the gills. But I did not want to go to Jiu-Jitsu. I did not want to drive on a little cane in the car on Wednesday. It was 80 degrees, 11 in the morning in beautiful Los Angeles.

And I walked to the fucking gym. And the first thing I do is get on the bike and I pressed a weight loss monitor. It was just completely different than getting on there. I'm just manual because it's making you work. And I'm sweating. Vicki Peza. and I'm thinking about breathing. Just breathe, Joey, and you'll be fine.

I'm sweating. And I want to get off. My hands are tinglingly. The diabetes is acting up. I don't have diabetes. But everything. You want to die. You want to fucking die.

You want to die. When you're a fat guy and you're overweight and your knee hurts and I'm on there sometimes. And I was going to quit at the 8-minute mark. And all of a sudden, I'm like, wait a second. Fucking Cosby is probably in hiding right now. Thinking about, thank God, they shot that black. kid. It buys me one more

week to fuck some hos. That's how the joke started in my head. And right then and there, I was to the 17 minute mark. And I was done, guys. I was done. Now that's it. I'm like, I'm not even breathing heavy no more. I'm not even breathing fucking heavy no more. I could do the 35 minutes.

That was the original plan. But at the 8 minute mark, I thought I was going to fucking die. I thought I was going to fucking die, ladies and gentlemen. And all of a sudden, Bill Cosby came into my mind and dropping pills on women and all these scenarios I'm like, he must be fucking thankful that the verdict came back because this buys them a week until they get back to the car.

You know, so we settled the riots. Back to Cosby. Back to the 28 bitches that I've shown up, you know? But that's what happens to your mind when you get on that fucking gimity gamutty juice. That's why I tell fucko, before you go to 24-hour fitness, it hit one of those gummy bears. I tried once coming from here and almost fell off. But I just looked at my phone because my favorite is,

He'll be the last call because he makes sure I get home okay, but then he calls to mess with me. I got a call from you at 1133 and then 633 this morning because he always did the last high one. But then when he soberes up and I sober up, he calls me like, how you doing, dog? And I'm still high. I was still high until about 3 o'clock today. And he just loves, he loves hearing me say like I'm still high because I ain't even crack up. I'll be like, he'd be like, what did you have last night? I was like I had a turkey sandwich, rice cakes, string cheese.

a bowl of Cheerios. Rice cakes. And he's just laughing. He's like, last night on the phone, I was literally making my rice cakes. He's like, you couldn't pay me to eat those rice patties.

And I'm in the kitchen in my underwear, putting hummus on rice cakes. Oh my God. High out of my mind. Just laughing. Do you smoke like on your own at home, or do you pretty much only smoke? Only here.

That's why he kills himself. That's so funny. I don't. I don't dislike. I actually went and got my license because I thought I was going to need. I was going to go and get high, but I don't think anyone understands

how high I get. It's like I can't. The worst one was when you took me to San Jose a year or two ago. Oh my God. And he gave me so many edibles and then these freaking kid guys came out of there like, we name this strain after you.

You have to smoke it with us. And then they, and then someone always brings him this gluten-free edible and he always, I always have to have a bite. Him and Butch Escobar, the guy who opened, were just walking me

and Eddie Bravo was there and I was just following you like a zombie to original Joe's It took me 45 minutes to get the courage To get the guy to pass me the butter I can't talk These These edibles are probably what

Eight doses in one Or something You're as tough as nails You're from the fucking Strongest Jew tribe that ever came out of Israel You understand me When you eat these edibles, that's what you got to tell yourself. This shit ain't going to do dick to me.

I'm bulletproof. I'm fucking Schleprock, the Superman. What's Superman alleged to? Crypto-Niton. Crypto-Ni-Ni. Good as a fuck. You know what I'm saying? Ricky Pezzell, what's the...

Did you have any, like, crazy motherfuckers in your neighbor that when you went out with them, they always made the night that much better. Like, they just made the night at some point in the night. Yeah, I mean, everybody, I knew in New Jersey. Like the town where I was from was so awesome. And there's always different groups of people. Like I always hung out with people where we'd go to,

do you remember in Norke the pipeline? Do you remember a place called the Pipeline in Norc? That was like a club that was, but it was like a punk rock club, but it ended up getting shut down, which I guess, you know, I probably shouldn't have been hanging out there, right? Like that was probably a part of it

that were all like underage hanging out this club. But everything, there was fucking, I was just telling Lenny the other day how when I was a real little kid there was a friend on my street who like the FBI showed up in her house

and like her dad like ended up go to jail because he was like low level mafia, you know? But she would say things in front of our family that was just normal to her but in hindsight it's like oh wait that's weird like she was telling us a story once

and talking about how like you know like when her dad goes to Clare Mass to, like, use the pay phone. And it's like, why would you be, why would you be leaving your house to use a pay phone? Because, like, all these people are involved with, like, the mob and stuff like that. It was crazy there. His stepfather wouldn't talk in a room with phones in the room. Really? He was very paranoid of phones.

35 years ago. That's amazing. And now I sit there and go, wow, yeah, he was on to say. Right, right. You know, I had a friend years ago that worked for the FBI, and now he got into private security about 15 years ago. And I talked to him now about once a year, but when he worked for the FBI, we were talking.

And he was telling me so many fucked up stories. But in particular, he was telling me mob stories about New York. He's an older gentleman. And he was telling me when the cops, when the feds got Gotti, that they had bugged the cells. You know, listen, when the feds are after you, they do what they do to get you. Yeah. You know, they talk about all this stuff, how they got the wiretap for whatever, Sarati's apartment, how they found out of my, you know.

But they would bug the jail cells. You know, a lot of cases are made in a jail cell. Right. A lot of people never know that. How, that's why the first thing your attorney tells you when you got arrested is keep your mouth shut inside. If somebody asks you what you're in there for Say you have no idea They have microphones everywhere

They set cops in there Sometimes they're some of the cop and they talk to Lee Siyadh For Lee to tell them what happened What happened? Then you tell them a year later you go to court What happened Lisa? This is what happened Not to the, you told an arresting officer Joey Diaz something

I tell him no And also I walk in you're like Right Then you take the staff Your attorney told you don't say nothing. Your attorney told you don't say nothing. But they were bugging the cells at the Metropolitan New York Center. You know, they were bugging the cells.

So you have to always, like now when I think about my stepfather, he wasn't crazy. Right, yeah, he was on to something. He wasn't crazy. He said that the phones could listen to you even if you weren't there inside the phone. And maybe he was a little fucking paranoid, you know. Maybe he was wrong. But he was right.

Because they could listen to you to thousands of methods. I remember when I was selling Coke, the cop was telling me they could point something at your glass and hear your conversation. Through the fucking glass. Yeah? So they'll put earphones on and point this fucking thing at your glass like a light. And they could hear what we're talking about in here. That's freaky. They have a thousand ways, especially now.

Now you have no privacy. Yeah. You have no privacy whatsoever. They got your cell phone. They got your numbers. They got your emails. They got your fucking passwords. They got us where we want, where they want to have us.

Yeah. They own us. They're going to shut down this system one day, and there's not going to be no more fucking way that your ATM is not going to work. They got us now. They got us. That's terrorism. Terrorism is not blowing up a building.

It's shutting this down now, and we walk around with no fucking dope. And the gas in our gas tank is all we got. And the bank is like, we have no records of your fucking nothing. Well, I have $800,000. I saved and my family and we don't have no record. What would you do, Lee? I don't know.

I'm stupid because I usually, I have like 20 bucks in cash on me right now. I usually don't even use it. I just use a credit card. Always. Your generation was, you know, grew up on what, they have all your information now. You know, when you book a flight now, you can leave your credit card

in there and click the number like I do. I just click the number, charge that card. They have everything, Lee. that's why I keep seeing commercials for Apple Pay where the credit card's on your phone and we had red band on here and we was talking about how it's very secure every store now has gotten hacked phones can all these celebrities are getting their phones hacked yeah that's crazy that's one thing I don't want to have on my phone like it doesn't bother me that much to have my credit card on me and then sometimes I don't even think about it but you know how gas

stations they have those things they put over the actual swiper so that when you swipe it, they get all your information. Like, you have to be careful at gas stations. They have devices that can put over the credit card machines. Oh, like, yeah, people, outsiders come in and to commit fraud. And then servers are stealing your credit card numbers now. I mean, it's just, it's scary. And I checked my stuff now.

And it happened when some, this time, someone tried to buy like $600 at online clothing places. Really? And they stopped it. But they, I mean, the guy, the people got the stuff. Really? They took it that far? Yeah.

I mean, if you go and buy something, then you have it. And then luckily, credit card companies have insurance probably. Well, no, everybody's got a camera now. Right. Right. You know, 35 years ago, if you did credit card for where you walk into was, you know, 50-50 chance. They had a camera. Yeah.

And they did have a camera. You know, that film sucks ass. That film sucks ass. That's just the purpose. They buy for security purposes. and when they're buying the camera, the insurance gives you 10% off. But even the camera people, like, listen,

they're just insurance. If you want, get the 3X film. You're never going to catch people through this shit. So it's a 50-50. I think now, if you do a crime in the mall with a credit card, they'll catch you eventually. Because there's footage of you everywhere. Yeah.

There's cameras everywhere. The whole time. Something I haven't heard them talk about. Are they going to go after an arrest, like, the looters in Ferguson? Like, the people who are in the stores or burning cars. You know, right now, right now,

those people are sitting there in a back room thinking after we stop all the fucking violence, then we're going to prosecute. They're not thinking about anything, Lee. They're thinking about how to stop this. Nobody's sitting there going on after all this is done. How are we going to get these people to prosecute? How the fuck you think they're going to get them, Lee?

They're doing this shit at night. Yeah, but they, they, they sell cameras, like inside the stores they brought down. You see how they're going in? They're going in with hoods on, Lee. way ahead. The bandanas over their face. These are professionals. These are professional looters. They're not thinking about fucking prosecute. They're thinking of stopping this fucking violence and stopping the demonstration. Are they demonstrating this evening?

Yeah, they're working here, I think. They fucking irritate this shit out of me. That's a mess. Go celebrate, get a six-pack. Stay home. Say a prayer for Michael Brown. Why the can't but you're way fucking better off. You know, that's what I said said a prayer for the poor fucking kid when the verdict came up.

What are you going to do? Yeah. Today I was thankful of a friend of mine. I was thankful of this kid named Jimmy Lebrano. His name was Loobes. And it's funny because the two closest personality people

in my life right now are him and Loops. Lee and Loops are close, hysterically. They both stutter. They both, you know. I only stutter. when you get me high. I both fucked them up.

You know, it was just a beautiful thing, and it's weird how my friend Lubez used to be a popular kid, but over the years, I think I left there in 82. Right. And I went back in 85 for a year, and then I fucked up when I left, and I came back in 94. So something must have happened with him, you know,

so I didn't know. I know he got busted for selling Coke and all this, but a lot of people that we all grew up that were tight, stay away from him. And I'll say, you talk to Loobs on. And he's missing the tooth now, you know, from the drug use, but he lives at home with his mother. And he never hurt anybody. He's one of the best guys I ever met, the best people ever.

And it's weird how I thought about him telling him I called him this morning because in all those years I was having a hard time in Jersey. He always had my back. He's just one of those people that always had my back, Vicki Pazzo. I can't even describe it from 16 to, you know, even to 94. all I had to do was call. Like there was never a hesitation. There was never a well. I can't.

I don't feel good. This motherfucker was always ready at a drop of dime. And to make money? Oh, you always knew how to make money. Like we would get, Joe, I got this kid. He wants to buy a quarter round telling him where to go. Let's go into the city. We'll split the profits.

He was always one of these guys, you know. I'm really thankful for him that he always had my back. You know, I was just like, I don't know. It was just weird, Vicki Pesda. Sometimes you have a friend in you. Yeah, you think back about somebody. How's he doing? Called him today, you know.

He's good. What are you doing? He told him he spoke to join. His family came over. He always breaks his menu down. You know, he lives at home with his mother. He never left. 50 years old.

That's an Indian jersey. Any more of these things left, Lee? Can you get me one for your uncle Joey? Yeah. Just one of them. He still lives at home with his mother. You know, what school did he go to? MIT, right?

The New Jersey version. New Jersey Institute of Technology. Oh, and J.I.T? Yeah, he's like a fucking, yeah, he's a badass motherfucker. That's crazy. Yeah, and he's a fucking, he's the real deal. He just, you know, we all grew up in that air with that fucking Coke. If anybody's seen the documentary that Joey Knight did, he's the guy who bit the wrestler

when he was on T. T.H.C. Crystal at the, like, Christmas wrestling tournament? T.H.C. Crystal was like angel dust, and we were doing it. He was in high school. That's crazy. And he bit a wrestler. He bit the guy and got this qualified from the fucking match because he was too high. I mean, we used to get fucking sizzled.

But it's just how time flies and you're a forgotten guy. I've always been underdogs. I've always been a fan of underdogs. Anybody could hang out with the quarterback, you know. Who says hello to the towel guy? Right. I'm the type of guy. Right.

I'm the type of guy. Right. You know, I know that that guy's thinking about something. He's the most dangerous guy. He ain't saying much. He's just shut up thinking. Lysayat, what's happening? Coxsuck.

What are you thankful for? So much. It's been a crazy year. It's been scary. Like, just, and then it's been, it's been like a year since I've had, like, a day job. So that's been really cool. I mean, it just,

and sometimes people like this guy said to me last night it's like you have no idea how lucky you are to be with Joey and like that drive home last night was just that that would never happen

to anybody. First of all, they don't know how lucky I am to have you. Forget about you. How lucky you got to hang with Joey. Any fucking moron can hang with Joey. You just do it right. You just do it the right way. That's my little

brother, Jack. This guy's a savage of heat. Great. He's tremendous. This is the fact. You have no idea. You have no idea what the education. He's getting like a real,

and I'm so proud that I'm able to help him. But it's a different type. Some people try to sell you that bullshit. I don't sell even my bullshit. I mention him to him, and I let him see it for himself. And I love one after a week you'll go, I mean to tell you something. I saw this guy talking about this.

You're right. and he sees it. Right. You know, it's an education for me to have him around because it keeps me in check. When I got to explain to him

about something, a move we're trying to make. It's very interesting. It's very interesting, his perspective, you know. Ray Canella, who's a dear friend of ours, we had him here last week,

and he goes, I've learned more about the future from watching my daughters. I learned about the future from looking at Lee and what Lee likes, what he does, I'm like, you know, because I was completely out of touch.

I'm completely out of touch. Completely. Lee knows. Somebody called me to know, are you watching a game? What game? I got a wife and a kid. I'm trying to write jokes. What game are you fucking talking about?

That's so fucking great. He called me. I never know anything. I was driving to Paulus for Thanksgiving. He called me like, I finally realized why I don't like football anymore. Because he was pissed that just the, the thought that any Dallas Cowboy team could be losing. Chris, on Thanksgiving Day.

That's like fucking, you know, that's why ISIS is attacking. That's why all these things are bowler. That's why we have all these things that you sit there and go, how is this happening? Because Mark Sanchez was going fucking nuts, throwing him into the, he got him into the Red Soone 18 times. They just couldn't stop him down there. I'm trying to watch this shit.

I was so angry. I went and took a nap. That's how angry I was. I'm like, that's Thanksgiving Day. Dallas should be steamrolling these motherfuckers steamrolling them, I'm kicking a field goal and winning by one point and covering by four they were giving three. This isn't the way I was raised, you know.

But that's how out of touch I am. Dallas was fucking losing on Thanksgiving Day. It was always D&D, Dallas and Detroit on Christmas on Thanksgiving Day. That's been a given since day one. That's the parlay you fucking threw in. And you went to the bar and got a gram on the arm. Let me get a G-bow on the arm for a night. Now, the Giants are going to win.

Don't worry about the Dallas Cowboys. Do you want turkey sandwich, Mr. P? It's got your fucking name on it. And the bread, vegan-free, gluten-free, has got everything. Only we got it in Jersey's got cancer. It was made at the New Jersey Wonder Bread. You ever go to New Jersey Wonder Bread when you were hostess? No.

That went off of Route 3 in Clifton. Everything was like 10 cents cheaper, but you thought you were getting a fucking deal. Like, people were like, I just got a hostess. Yeah, but you didn't get it down from the fucking outlet. Speaking of deals, are you going Black Friday shopping tomorrow? Oh yeah, yeah. In fact, I'm going to go home

and do some Mets. And I'm going to stay up all night and at 6 a.m. I'm going to roller skate down to Walmart and tackle some motherfuckers and bite them like vampires. Listen, I don't Christmas shop until the 24th. Let's know a real pinch, come out.

The 24th after everything's gone, that's when I show up with a big dick and a big smile on my face. What, bitches? Fucking, who's going to go out shopping tomorrow? What the fuck? There's one word in your life. There's one word.

that if you people aren't on it, you're fucking slipping. Because every time I go on that I learn something, that's a thing called Amazon. I didn't even know. They got everything. Coconut water, they got a coconut dick on there that squirts coconut milk in your asshole

just in case you want to solidify your esophagus or whatever the fuck you want to do part-time. They got everything on Amazon. Do you understand me? And you know what? Amazon ships. Do you people fucking know that? That Amazon ships. And they wrap it for you too. And they wrap it for you if you need to. Movies, dirty movies, you got a body. They'll pick up a fucking body Amazon now.

They got to pick up the fucking body program. Did you know that? So when you have these things available to you, why would you create, because it's something to do? Me parking in a mall and walking four miles and getting in a mall and smelling that stink because every mall now has that stink of cologne over armpit. Oh my God. We were just a universal city walk. And it was all open at Bubba Gump. And it just reeks.

Where he's like it's wafting in. It just smells like man's cologne. Cologne. Cologne over sweat over that fucking barbaric stink armpit. And the old pezzles. Filty motherfuckers. And you breathe that shit and you get that shit on your body. You ever get in your car?

I still smell that shit. It takes you home. It's like a good fart. If you smell somebody's fart and you get it. still smelling your nose. You're mad at that person for a few days. Be like, dog, that shit was off the chain. That shit was on fire what was in your asshole. But when you smell somebody's body odor,

and it sinks into you, and every mall now in America, I'm not accusing nobody. You know who the fuck you are, you stinky bastards. You got to put deodorant on this fucking country. You really does. Don't make me put the national anthem and do the whole deodorant thing. It's piss me fucking off, and I'm getting sick and tired of this shit. You know what I've seen in time? I'll tell you what.

No, no, don't put it on because I get too fired up. I can't get fired up. My wife won't put up with me. I got to have shit to do after the National Lenton. Today when I was driving to my buddy's house, I saw a fucking Starbucks on Laurel Canyon open. That's the first time I had an urge to have a gun, pull up in front of a place,

and just empty that motherfucker like some kid shooter at a high school or some shit. You think I'm kidding. And that would have been justified. There would have been some attorney that would have came forward tonight. He understood my pain. Right on Lower Canyon and fucking...

Riverside? Riverside. Brody Stevens, Starbucks. That's where Brody's in there. Giving all the grass. Taking fucking Demeralls and shit with people. What's that place there? Yeah.

And you want me to tell you some? There was like 16 people in there. Hell yeah. I was livid. Because that's why we're raising pussies. See, in Jersey, you're at the neighborhood bar. Eat one of those old turkey. They have these things.

In Jersey they have these things like this fill When you go to a bar in Jersey They have these things fill cut in half nice But they have a stick over here And you pick them up And for some reason the fly always gets in there And he won't leave So while you're looking at what sandwich you're going to pick

You can see the fly going from sandwich to sandwich And even once you pick one up and go Oh the fly hasn't really He was only on this sandwich for six minutes Once you take that one and put the thing down The fly pops back up Like he knows to lay low in the fucking sandwich container. That's the type of places I don't know.

That's why I don't worry about minute shit HIV. I don't give a fuck out. I ate one of those sandwiches and fly shit on them. I don't give a fun. And those same bars too will have, they'll have on St. Patrick's Day, the Corbeef and Cap. Oh, by the time you get there, it's all browned and juice. They used to have these fucking sandwiches.

The people at a bar would have a little oven. And these sandwiches were already pre-made, and all they had to do was open the bag and put them in the oven. I forget the name of the sandwich. Everybody remembers Twitter to me. I forget the fucking name. Like the cheeseburgers in a bag and stuff like that. Yes, delicious. They had a ham and cheese that was delicious.

You definitely get cancer. Definitely get cancer. I don't know what was. It was like those. It has all the sodium in it. Yeah. What's the thing you make when you were a little girl popping fresh dough? Remember when you were a little girl now you can make your own pies in that oven?

Easy bake oven. Easy bake oven. one of those, but only with a bigger lightboat. Like a Puerto Rican figure, listen, don't tell nobody. I got an easy bake-up, but this shit will cook a fucking fish. Just put one of those stronger lightbows in there. Happy Thanksgiving to everybody. Give thanks today.

We're here with family, Vicki Peasant, New Jersey. Did you call your family, Vicki Peck? Oh, yeah, yeah. What were those fucking savage doing? Oh, everybody. Well, my sister just got engaged. So my parents went over to, uh, the fiancé's house, like, their family, which, so this is crazy.

For my mother not to cook on Thanksgiving, it's the first Thanksgiving I know of where she's not cooking. You know what I mean? It's nuts to go over someone else's house. And it's funny because when people get engaged in Jersey, like in-laws like yours, your parents didn't go over there to meet the parents. They went over to make sure they got dough and that they're acceptable, like, you know. They travel more than they do.

So you go to Atlantic City. We used to have Atlantic City. We don't like Atlantic City. Too many children. Now we go down to Smurdle Beach Because everybody's trying to outdo everybody in Jersey We don't go to that letter to say no more You could smell the cancer in the air

We go to Greenpoint North Carolina Is it not fabulous? It's fabulous We found the guy that makes black beans That's hilarious Do you do the thing where I called my dad and my mom And I got the phone passed around to everybody Yes, that's always the way Yeah, that's always the way

You make one phone phone phone. Sometimes I could just get away One phone call because they're all together But now usually it's like at least two because I got to call my aunt and her son, my cousin, you know. Oh my God. Yeah, it's crazy.

It's crazy over there. My cousin's about to have a baby. Like, my cousin's girlfriend is about to have a baby. The due date was yesterday. It's her first pregnancy. He's younger than me. Like, I'm so excited. This is the first baby, my family,

because I didn't have one. My sister did, yeah. Did you like that when you were a kid? Because when I was a kid, I hated it. Like, my cousins would annoy me. Everyone would fight. Oh, Thanksgiving? Yeah, the food would always,

be like there's something I didn't like and I would hate it but now looking back I kind of miss it like I wish I was there with him yeah don't I suppose to that that chair is ruined

you're white and you're not wearing underwear do you know what's crazy I felt the back of my shirt go up I really did I felt the back of my shirt that was tremendous turkey pressure it doesn't smell It doesn't smell Yes, it does You always say your first don't smell

With all the weed you eat And the protein And then you just You ate like four turkey sandwiches Oh my god That was a tremendous I felt my shirt go up Let's give some shout outs and shit

We get this party started Happy Thanksgiving to Matt Balsar Noberto My favorite poor Puerto Rican, Caleb Smith, Nick Pitt, Kyle Comatose, Blizzard, 1998, Johnny Funbuckets, and Johnny Cutler. I love you, Coxuckers. Don't forget, we're live at the Long Beach. Laugh Factory, December 17th, St. Lazaro's birthday.

And we're New Year's Eve at the fucking... Ice House. That's right, cock suckers. We don't fuck around stage two. Show starts at 8. You're out of there by fucking 10.15. You go eat ass. You go home.

That's what I would do. I would never stay on a fucking New Year's. You do the fucking early thing. Go get dinner. Go laugh a little bit. Go smoke puck and watch a band. At 10 o'clock, you're on your way home. You give a little stabbing.

Get some strawberries, right? Get a little whipped cream. Shove it up her asshole. When's the last time you shoved the strawberry up somebody's ass on a holiday? On the holiday never? On the holiday never? That's what I'm talking about Lee? You're fucking slipping cuck, sucker.

When was the last time you shoved the strawberry up somebody's asshole? Twenty-two years ago. I stole it was a tremendous holiday. She was black. I had $15. She had time. That's it. No, I haven't shoved the strawberry

up somebody's ass in many years, you know what I'm saying? What's up, Vicki P? What's going on in your life lately? You don't call, you don't write. Oh, man. What's going on with the podcast? You're still producing? Yeah.

I'm still doing point versus point with Evan, Evan, a man, and Gareth Reynolds. I'm so high. I almost said the reverse last names for them. Right. Yeah, we had two of the biggest joints that anyone's ever had. And it's not like it's bad weed. No, this tremendous weed.

Yeah, the one was good, and I was like, oh, my God, like, man, I'm really high. When then the second joint came out, and what can I do? It's Thanksgiving. One was Black Russian, which I took to Philadelphia with me. I took the Sativa to Philadelphia with me, an eighth of Sativa. And it was okay. It was a good setiva for fucking Gentiles, but for me, it just didn't. I need Sativa with some football.

fucking punch to it, but I took the black widow with me. It was sensation. I was smoking it outside in the cold air and then going in and it hit you and the warmth. And I got fucked up. So I got a gram of that. This new wheat store, they give you deals. They give you, they have PR and they have OGs. So the private reserve is where the real gangsters hang out.

I also had the banana. O.G. I also had some weed or that. But then today I went and I told the chick, I want the shit that killed. fucking Robin Williams that shit gave me. I want the shit that fucking, I got the Cosby OG. That's what I was.

This was Cosby OG. This is the shit that makes you all fucked up. You know what I'm saying? But the crazy thing about you, did you see him go to his pocket? Every time I'm with him, we just like appears out of your sleeve. Like, I didn't even see you go reach for it. Are we doing this or not?

Sure. Why are you fucking around? It's always ready. But it's never in your pocket. And you had it. You have like these little glass holders for your join. Sure, so they don't bend. I don't want my pocket mixed. But that's how badass is that? What if I scratch my balls and put my hand in my pocket? Now I got a nut sack in my fucking pocket.

Now I put a joint in my pocket and you have to smoke it. I'm the type of motherfucker I worry about that shit. When my wife goes to the bathroom, I go in there before. If it's a foreign bathroom, I clean off the little pussy holder. Because I don't want to eat somebody else's fucking monkey. You follow me? What's the pussy holder? Whatever.

I don't want somebody else. Is that the toilet seat? Sure. I don't want nobody else to fucking smoke. my nut sack. That's how I wrote. I'm just trying to be a decent individual. You have these tubes. People give me joints in these tubes. So, boom.

But you used to put weed in your nut sack. So what's the difference? Why are you trying to confuse me? I'm just as high as the next guy. I put joints in here so the joints don't bend. The weed don't fall out. And whatever's in my fucking pocket like chains, it doesn't get disgusting on you. I think of the motherfucker next to me.

That's very nice of you. If there's weed in your nuts sack, that's obviously a daze. desperate situation. No, no. I put in the weed in my nutsack when I travel. Not anymore because the frog is out. You know, why fucking talk about it now?

But if you're in a tight situation or you put the weed under your knucksack and you're not going to find it, they're not going to look to your nutsack. I'm just going to see a little super ball and a fucking baggie and they're going to let you through. It's not going to bother you. I don't know if you want to talk about this and if you don't, I can always take it out. But

about six months ago, I had my first animal die. My childhood pet. Yeah. And Joey you had a cat die like a year or so ago and I know you just had a dog guy and I just I haven't really cried in a while but when my dog I had just started dating my girlfriend like six months in I think maybe

and I remember I was driving on Van Nuys Boulevard in the dark and I was crying but I didn't want her to see it so like I just couldn't I wouldn't speak very much yeah and I just even now thinking about it if my if I got my mom called right now and I could I just said the dog's name

We both start bawling. I never went through that before my life. I know you just went through it. I got to bring it out fully. We're having a nice conversation. People are fucking giggling, and right away, you've got to drag me through the fucking mud.

A lot of people go through the air. So who wants to talk about therapy? Not tonight. Call it tomorrow morning and talk about the fucking dog. You're going to do therapy right now on Thanksgiving. No, he wants to hear this shit. You're worse than Jody Furtick and shit. You want to bring up the fucking thing.

We're having a nice conversation. We're eating ass. We talk about this stuff all the time. No, who goes to fuck. It's too soon. Cucks and relax. You just said the stuff that killed Robin Williams. Yeah, and OG.

That's completely different. Got nothing to do with us three. You don't know Cosby. Neither do you, neither do I? Who gives a fuck? You know Robin Williams? No, do you know? Do I know?

Do I know? Who gets a fuck? I'm sorry. Cross the line. The fuck is wrong with you. We're having a nice conversation that you want to be gloomy gloss. It's not gloomy?

Yeah, what the fuck? Nobody's talking about death to you. Everything's nice. Kind of drag the poor dog into the conversation. What the fuck's the matter with you, Kyle, second? Now, I feel guilty. What the fuck? All of a sudden I'm Sam McLaughlin, man.

I'm showing your pictures of French poodles and shit. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, my God. We're smoking. We're having another other. You're another bite? Not even a little bit. Are you high in the other beer?

It's starting. No, it's not starting. There's nothing in there. It's 10 milligrams. There's not 10. Eat another half. It's Thanksgiving. That's how much I had Monday.

Three quarters of it, and I almost came. No, you had a quarter now on the other half. That's not three quarters. Yes, a quarter and a half. I'll eat the other half. I already ain't two of them. No. You've already seen me two and a half.

That's fine. Go ahead, eat this little... I'm going to eat this big piece, and you eat this little corner. That's how we do it here on the church. I can't have any one. It's so much better to know that... There's nothing.

It's tough as now. It's pretty much the only time you eat. They'll even make Jews like you don't want. You salute that flag. Eat this and salute the fucking flag. What are you kidding me? There's little Jewish kids playing with gunpowder right now. Right.

Here you are. You don't want to eat a fucking other boy. What's wrong with you? You're the sergeant of arms. You're the Captain Kirk of the Interprite. Oh, there it is. It's a beautiful night. Paul is home.

You got fucking, you're going to go back to 24-hour fitness. It opens up there. It opens up until tomorrow morning. No, it opens at midnight. No, it doesn't. I just called them. They said,

Lisa Afts there, they'll show up. That pays me off today, though. everyone knew it closed at two and sent it on the wall for about two months and as I was living at 1.30 people were rolling in and was like, who could do that to somebody? Only in that way. They do it everywhere. They do it at all the gyms. They show up at 1.30

and then at 2 when you go up to them and go, we're going to close it like, really? Get the fuck out of here. You've been here every fucking day. The sign's been blinking for a fucking month. Close it 2. Now you want to be Jack Whaleigh at 1.30. Get the fuck out of here. What's that?

The Marshall? You hear of that? They make an Independence Day, too. They make all these movies when nobody gives a fuck. You make Independence Two after the movie one comes out, like a year later. 20 years later, and the other guy don't want to do it, the Scientologist. So you haven't gone and seen Dumb and Demmer 2 yet? Listen, I wouldn't go fucking give those two idiots money if you fucking paid me.

That looks like a bomb from the junk. And then you know Jim Carrey, who hasn't had a hit. Now he wants to do dumb and dumber. When he was rolling all those years, he didn't want to do it. Right. Now he went back and did it. That right there is a smack to our faces. When we were waiting for dumb and dumber, he didn't want to do it.

He was too intelligent. He wanted to do other projects, to look of sunshine and all those shit fucking movies he made. The number 23. Yeah, the number 23. All that stupidity he made. Like, you're a fucking comic. Often they want to become Chalkowski. They want to do all this shit.

You ain't that motherfucker dog. You ain't that deep. You were good. when you were saying later and all that shit is, what's his name? As the guy who hunt for the fucking dolphin. Ace Ventura? Yeah. He was good, liar, liar, and the fucking other one. After that, enough.

But he thought he could do dramatic fucking arts. Stop it. You and that fucking other mutt. Get the fucking. Where you get me excited for? You know I ate an edible my heart. So what's the story? Lee? What are he doing this weekend? Go ahead. Shock me. Where are you going to mom?

Paula's come over tomorrow now, but she has a finals now, so she's not staying over for the weekends for the next few weeks. So don't fucking goulash, no. We have two cooking classes playing. Oh, my God. It's fun. It's in the Santa Monica Mall.

Now, last time I was here, it was crepes. Right. This one, she signed us up for steak class. So we're going to make steak, potatoes. It's nice. And then this one's going to piss them off. Uh-oh. And that was a catchy.

It's always a, by the way. It can't just be grilling steaks. It's got to be on that. Hers, what she likes is she likes macaroons. The little dessert. So we're going to macaroni class. Like just, it's like a cookie? Yeah.

The macaroons. Do me a favor. So that's the whole lot. Stop at the sex, don't get a strap on. And just put it on it. You can fuck you up the ass while you're eating the macaroon. That's your best bet right now. Once you do the macaroni class, you might as well tell her, get a dick.

I'm going to get Vasily. I'm going to grease up my little muffling. And you can play fucking Jose. Elisiano songs while your butt bucked me up the ass while I'm eating the fuck. Are you crazy? You take that paperwork tonight and you rip it up into a thousand pieces and throw it out of it. A macaroon. Jews don't eat macaroons.

Yes, they do? No, they don't. Not your type of Jew. You're from the old school. Jesus was a Jew. You think he was walking around and eating macaroons? Yeah. No.

I didn't try to adjust it. Had that really good macarons back in Nazareth. What you got that deal with? This fucking guy. macaroons. Oh my God, it's amazing. It's fun. That's amazing. You're going to make macaroons? Yeah. At some point, I don't know when. You just walked on a stem master for eight months, 22 hours a day to lose 70 pounds, you're thinking about macaroons. I'm not there. She likes

him. Let me ask you some. Who's the Captain Kirk of the Enterprise? Her? So good. At least he's honest. That's great. You better stop with this shit, macaroons. You're losing stripes. People depend on you to hold on to the fucking four. How many stripes do I have? You have like four till tonight. You're in the dungeon with Felipe. You might as well go to his wedding and eat fucking goulash

and you should jump up and down with your soos off. When you go, is it like, what's the setup? Is it like a home at class? Are there little stations of kitchen? It's in like a kitchen with a bunch of different stations and there's a teacher. Last time we made crapes, this time we made steak. I don't know.

Is it mostly a duos? I want somebody to invent an app. where I can have that number, call them, and, like, a hand comes out of their phone and just smacks them in the face for, like, $50. I would fucking be in debt right now. I would get everybody's number. I hate when they're doing something stupid.

I just call that number and make the hand smack them in the face. That's what I need. Make that app somebody. Smackintheface.com. Or spit in their face. Like, the phone just goes and just spits in your fucking face. A nice lugie. Why you're doing something.

Fucked up, Lee. Like getting macaroon glass. Like that? What's up, my brother? Everything good? You call home? You feel Jewish out here? Do I feel Jewish?

Are you losing the magic? No, I mean, my mom's coming out because it's hard for me to go back for that. What activities do you have plans with mom? Not much. I mean, she wants to do. We've never done tourist stuff. Like, I've never been to the Walk of Fame since I've been out here. Really?

I've just never done that. So she likes museums. I don't know. Music. Are you going to give her an edible? No. Like your dad. Let's give her something.

No, she sees marijuana, same as heroin. There's no difference. What? Okay. She's one in the 50s. What is she going to do when you're on your 16th day at 30 for 30? I'm not doing 30 for 30. You have to do 30 for 30.

We're doing 30 for 30. We're going to go. Call Billy Corbyn. If Billy Corby signs on, then I'll do it. What is Billy going to call on a do fee? Direct it. All right, so we've got to give this guy 30 Gs. Okay.

All right. How are we going to get on the back end? You said this is going to make millions. Millions. People want to see Lee passing out falling down. The ambulances. You fall down the stairs back here being on high. Us carrying you to the ambulance, giving you mouth to mount.

You're at the hospital. I don't know what happened. I lost my wallet. You're going into convulsions and shit. I think I would if I got on the fourth day. Lee, you're as tough as you're. You just got to keep working out and drinking tons of water to clean your kidneys out and shit. After the 14th day, you come to see Dr. Amy with me.

We'll clean out your fucking adrenals. So when I'm 14 days in to the strongest edibles known to man, you're going to take me to acupuncture for the first time and have someone stick needles in me? Absolutely. We're going to cup you, get the adrenals out, get your chakras open, get the blood moving and shit, get your ankles skinny again, then we're going to stuff the needles in you.

It's all over, dog. We'll clean out your adrenals. You go home. That night you won't have to do no edibles. You just drink water. We'll give you a pass. You just have to do an edible on a later date. It's like a bye, you know what I'm saying?

I feel you. And then that night you just drink a bunch of water. You go home, you go to bed early. No jerking off, no nothing. You maintain your fluids. That's impossible when you're high. To the next morning, you're not going to be high that night. Then the next morning you go to the gym and sweat.

Because all that shit's going to come to your top. You're going to be thirsty all night. You're going to drink water. Next day you're going to go sweat it out. And maybe even jump into the steam just fits that last staminia juice out of you. And then we'll start you up again that motherfucking Wednesday. Like, soldiers!

Take you this time. This time we'll fucking drop you out of a helicopter or something. Why? Because that's how we roll. What are you going to do during this time? Pop edibles like I always do. You know me, the party don't stop here, gee. This party keeps fucking going. I find edibles everywhere.

I found the fucking deck in my suitcase in Philadelphia. On the bottom of it, flying around. In the front. Do you know when I went to New York, September 22nd, somebody gave me a fucking vapor pen filled with that shit in it, the wax. I found it in fucking fill. last week. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Baltimore. I found it in Baltimore.

Three fucking weeks later, they're taking three more fucking road trips. Oh, my God. I got shit all over that luggage. I cleaned it all out this week. And I found a decker just laying there. Like, you know, that's 20 years. Most people find they get 20 in their pant pocket. Do you find a deck of doors? A deca. That's how I roll.

That's when you know you got a little fucking angel going around you. So what's new with your world? Talk to me. What are you going to do for? You're going home for the holidays? I am going to go home now. Yeah. You're flying? Yeah. We are. going to go home. December 20th until January 4th. That's not bad.

Those are okay dates. Yeah, it's about two weeks. And where do you stay? I can't wait. Either my parents' house or Lenny's parents' house, but it's seriously, like our families live within like five or ten minutes of each other. So you don't do like five days one place, five days at the other. Yeah, no, we don't have to do that.

There's no drama. No, no, it's pretty much where do you want to sleep? Normally we stay at Lenny's mom's house because she bought us the tickets and she she normally does. Okay. So, Lenny's mom don't fuck around. Yeah, she doesn't fuck around at all. And her house is bigger, too, than my parents.

But it's a matter of, like, a few minutes in the car. We see everybody within, like, a day. And we kind of just see everyone at different times a day, almost every day. So we don't have to split up. What's the first place you go eat? Oh, man. Oh, okay. I can't wait to go to White Castle.

I fucking love White Castle so much. And the fact that we don't have it here, I buy the microwavable kind, but it's not the same. You have to steam them in the oven. There's a way. Yeah? There's a way with a bucket with water you put it in the oven. Oh, my God.

Something crazy. There's people who are fucking professionals. I see them online. Really? There's like diehard New Yorkers that take White Castle. I forget how you do them. Because even when you go to White Castle, there's two ways. You can get them fried or steam.

A lot of people don't remember that shit. Yeah. So you steam them and they're softer or something. Oh, man. They fry them and they steam them. something weird. So my wife makes them a certain way. We haven't had them in three fucking games or something.

My wife would buy a four-pack every once in a while we eat two of them. And that's what, listen, I think I ate over three or four White Castle's one time. I got a paperout once. I went out with this guy, Anthony DeMarcoe will get, like, signatures for paperouts, and that's where he took us for lunch. And the sodium gave me such a headache when I was like 11 or 12. Oh. I never touched White Castle again.

Like the sodium was overwhelming. I had to go home and go to sleep in the migraine. It was overwhelming. I didn't have White Castle again until maybe 10 years later, like after high school. And now I understand, like, now I have to eat like two or one of them or something like that. I usually get one regular cheeseburger steamed

and one surf and turf, where they put the little gofish patty in there with it. It's a go fish. Trust me, it's like a kid's gofish. As soon as you buy it, you hear kids crying and shit like that. You get some French fries. You get a Pepsi with fucking ice cubes. Remember, they don't have rank. ice cubes, they have the circle

ice cubes that once the Pepsi's finished, you chew on them. They're perfect, it's perfect size like little gumballs of fucking ice. What do you think you're dealing with the least? I had some fucking momo from around the corn. So White Castle's baked for you, because my first introduction to it was that movie. They didn't have it in Boston.

Oh, Harold and Kumar? Yeah, that was the first. Now you know why he eats edibles every time because he never knew about fucking thing to Harold and Kumar. Two fucking, two fucking Malooks taught you about it. This is why I'm the question. Massachusetts. And when the movie came out, kids in my high school, seniors, I remember, were taking trips and taking orders and bringing a cooler. And they went and did a trip to the closest one was Queens or somewhere in New York, right? Like, right when you're about to get to New York from Boston and then they came back. Same day with a cooler full, like one of those beach coolers. I made the jeep. I didn't get any. I honestly, I didn't, because I didn't know about it. I found out once I had already gotten back and people had pre-ordered them.

We ate him in North Bergen. Yeah, no, I had him a couple times. I took you to North Bergen. But it's kind of like, I didn't get to say it the other night with Dean. I'm so jealous of his musical experience because maybe I'm just not wired that way or you can say the music was bad when I grew up. But the discussion they were having about this singer and this band and this song and getting this album, I had no experience with that at all.

and it's crazy how much White Castle obviously means to both of you. Right. And it's just, it's not anything I had experience with. It's so good. Like I said, man, I was very lucky that I laughed. Today a girl called me. I named Vita, and I grew up with both her brothers, and the one brother died when we were in high school.

And the whole, it was not a good death. It was not a happy death. There was allegations that he had been high, and the people questioned. He died. He died close to Lake of Pac-on. Not Lake of Pac-on, a different quarry.

Okay. The quarry. That's where he died up north by us. And she called today, and I was high. I was in my T.H.C. I was psychosis. And I started telling her a story. You know, I was talking last night about,

we had a Puerto Rican guy Nelson on our block that would fuck his girlfriend and let us listen. Through the window, and he charges like a dollar or two. And then towards the end, when he friday and he was in a movie, he opened the window and let us watch him, fuck him, you know, for $5. So for five, you can watch for two, you only got the audio, right? We're talking about this last night. So this was a very interesting neighborhood, especially now that I look at.

And it was a very interesting block because there was an orphanage there had burnt down. And they turned it into a dead end street. So people always said it was bad luck. A lot of the people ended up dead on that block. She was telling me this morning, so for me to, like, fucking Lee, so for me to change the mood, I started talking about her brother. When we were, like 12, one night, his older brother, it was maybe four years oldest, and I got his license.

So you got your license 16 and a half. That's when they signed out. Once you got your fucking permit in jersey, you had your fucking license. You could drive with your parents. Good luck. My parents got any getting in a car with me. I drove by myself. for 16.5, you know?

And we went out one night, and it was, we were listening to, like, Benny and the Jets. And we were fucking doing 90 on, like, the local street. And there was one part where he went through two cars that we thought we were going to die. And instead of crying and yelling, we just laughed out of it. Like, we were so scared that we laughed our way out of it. And that's what it felt like when I was at Lee last night.

I loved, I knew we weren't going to die. I wasn't sure. The cops weren't going to stop us and throw us in jail. We just tell the cops. We were giggling and shit. But I missed that. I missed that holiday camaraderie. Wednesday nights when I was growing up,

the Wednesday before Thanksgiving was everything. That's why I got married on that date. That's why I got married. Wednesday before Thanksgiving was huge. Because growing up to me the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, that's huge. The first one or with Terry? Which one? The main one with Terry.

Fuck that dumb. Bits, that was when I was out of control and I didn't know nothing from nothing. I was living life according to life's terms, not my terms. That's why nothing fucking worked, you know? That was always the day that by the time you could go into a bar. Right, your college students were coming home. All the people from college were coming home, right, and like everyone would go out. Oh, man, it was so fun.

Big drug night, you fucked, you got high. It was just even in high school, you just knew that you were going to fucking go out and go crazy. you know, when you were 16, you know. And it's that age, too, where it's like, you don't have any responsibilities. Like, I didn't have to wake up as a teenager and, like, help my mom cook or do anything. You woke up. And those days, I didn't wake up. I woke up to look around and drink water and pee.

I'd puke and I'd go back to bed. I was always allergic to alcohol. Right. Lee, I love you. And there's a way, you know, I saw Aerosmith for $12. You know, I saw a Black Sabbath for maybe something. $16. You can't go see anybody today for $16.

It's $20 just apart. It's not that the music isn't good, is that they've taken it out of your realm. You have to have a high-paying job and live with your parents to go out every night like that, to be into music, you know? For me, I grew up close to the city.

I grew up close to New York City. So the garden for me was a second thing. When I was a kid, my mom introduced me to the doors, I thought it was fascinating. And after that, I just picked up other music. And I'm going to listen to Spanish music for a while. Then black music. And I hated rock music.

I hated people with long fucking head. What the fuck is that shit? What is these dirty fucking hippies? And I think I listened to Leonard Skinner, and I listened to Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, on ACDC. And I was hooked, and you had Cream magazine, and you would read the magazines. There was no internet.

And you went to concert. and you watched. You know, people come up to me after shows and they go, oh, there's the fifth time I saw you. And on the way back to my hotel, I'm like, that guy's fucking crazy. But then I'm like, fuck, when I was a kid, I'd go see bands six, seven times.

Movies? Oh, my God, the Road Warrior? I must have saw the Road Warrior 20 times when I was in the movie theater. At $4 a pop, but it didn't even Brambo 2. Enter the Dragon, I paid 80 times to see those fucking movies, you know? Entertainment is entertainment.

So now I'm looking at it. perspective. You know Lee, those music things that, you know, he's 47, Dean Delray. We're right there. We were right there. We grew up on the same music, you know. If you have to be suspect to him, if he didn't know about music, but you're 25 years my younger, that music shouldn't even appeal to you. And sometimes you hear it and you're like, this is fucking great. It is great. Yeah. It's the backbone of our country. What I was playing, I got very excited when I heard the Allman Brothers last night, which we're going to close with, whipping post. That's what he was talking about.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, wow, you gotta do 90. Even in the Prius, you switch that motherfucker out of electric, bitch. You kicked out into gasoline, you step on that motherfucker. And once you do 60, you kicked up that electricity again and get that road warrior boost going. That's the way you do it when you hear a good fucking song. When I'm driving and I'm stone, I hear good music, your conversation does not matter to me. Whatever conversation we were having is null and void.

Turn it off. Once that music comes on, it's done with. I don't want to hear your conversation. This is the greatest music ever fucking played. That's the way I look at it. And when we're high, Lee doesn't like the music. Like, I had Black Sabbath on the DVD, but I love Lee.

He don't like Black Sabbath. He'll jump out of the time. It's not that I don't like it. It scares. It's so, like, music gets into my brain, and it's terrifying, especially when I'm that high. Like, does the bass make you think? you're having

palpitation? No, it's not even that. It's not even that. And Joey's talked about it before where, like, he would skip certain Black Sabbath songs. Like, I don't even know how to explain it.

It's like they sound creepy. Like, they sound like, like, the background music to a horror movie. Or, like, it just, it takes you to places that I just,

I don't want to be when I'm not a fucking stone. That's what you have to be, Lee. I wouldn't take you there. It wasn't a good place to be there. I want you to get scared in your mind now.

because then nothing else will scare you. This is just a little conchionette. You shouldn't be scared of a fucking song, right, Coxson? Absolutely. All right. Now I'm thinking, now I'm thinking of a friend. You were asking, like, if I had any friends that were just crazy. And I'm thinking of this kid I knew from my town, Derek.

And I would always, this is a kid that, like, you could go to his house at, like, one in the morning, two in the morning. You know, he lives at home. We're young. We're, like, high school age or maybe college. age, but like he's always up. He rules his whole house, even though he lives with his parents and shit. So, like, I

went to his house one time, and it must have been around the holidays because I had a neon, like a used Dodge neon was my first car. I'd all stickers on the back of bands, and then inside the car, I had Christmas lights, battery operated Christmas lights all

around, like, the perimeter of the car. So I showed up at this kid's house, and I was like, yo, what are you doing? Like, let's just go drive around. Let's go drive down the shore, like right now, even though it's the winter. And like, nothing happens down the shore in the winter. It's just

ghost town. So, I just remember, like, and I had on this real, I had the fucking real short, like, Bleachbonne-Hara and this real fucking cool hat. And, like, we had this CD of, like, 80s New Wave hits. It was, like, some greatest hit CD. Don't you want me, baby? All that shit. Blondie.

One way or another. Yeah, yeah. Fucking. Madness, R-Hap. House. But take the love. Yeah, I loved all that. I loved all that. And it's way past, like, we're in the late 90s at this point.

It's way past, like, that's not new. I'm not that old. But, like, man, we, and we just drove down the shore. Like, we were hitting every, just, like, let's just stop in Asbury Park, like, stop in Keensburg. Stop, like, in Point Pleasant, just went to Tom's River Diner. And then just, just, like, fucking drove back, just hanging out. Just nothing, just driving around, listening to music. That's it.

I loved all. smoking bones. Yeah. Listen, and then we, you know what? We listen to the first side on the way down. Got something to eat. On the way back, he listened to the other side. Then we go home.

Everybody's happy. That's a fucking good album. Yeah, that is a good fucking album. Holy shit. You know, they recorded that in fucking Brazil. They were stoned. They mugged a fucking Brazilian chick. Whatever the fuck.

That's all interesting to me. You don't have to be interested in it. But you got what you got? You still follow your little band? Hell yeah. And when are you going to see him again? I don't know. They're going to be back at the office.

Avalon, but I just saw him like two months ago. What's the name of the band? Infected mushroom. Effective mushroom. All right. I want to give them a shout out. Let me send them a happy Thanksgiving. You're their biggest fan.

There's really, so they probably weren't celebrating anything. Now, when you're at home, do you play their music when you're by yourself? Yeah. Fuck yeah. And you jump up and down, or you just... Not at home, but no, I just... I like when I'm driving. Sometimes when I'm at the gym and I run out of movies, I put it on.

But, uh... And it fires you up? I guess, yeah. Okay. I don't know. I like it. Do you listen to any electronic music at all? Electronic music, not really.

No. I'm not a big EDM person at all, but I don't know. They just, like, their concerts were amazing. So, well, I've loved them for like eight years now. Really? I've seen them like 10, 15 times. That's why I love you. Let's do these fucking sponsors and go out of the turkey sandwich.

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Two, two. What's the whole program cost? $0.99 cents or something crazy. Something fucking tremendous. I'm not even sure, but the rentals are for free. So you get two free rentals. Two free rentals. Three, gratis.

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Code word Joey. And code word Joey. Let me tell you something else. Code word Joey for... Meandis. Meandis. Let me talk to you about something else. Again, I don't show up asking, asking,

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see how their fucking heads will blow up after you smoke a bonger with them go to naturesbox.com I'm offering you something for free this last till December 31st After that, everybody has to go fuck themselves. Don't come crying to me. Joy, we didn't get it. What happened to the free?

Fuck you! I told you, you fuck. You gotta go today. Everything we talk about is today. Some fucking Momo came up to me last week in Philadelphia. And I know you're mad at me, but I'm mad at you for being a fucking schmuck. You're sitting there for 20 minutes. Standing on me.

And then after I pack in my shirts, I'm walking into the... Can I take a picture? No. Now you gotta wait to the second show, you're fucked. You seen me here packing here. You stood there like a fucking Momo. Don't tell me you listen to your podcast. If you listen to my podcast, you know you attack right now.

Don't sit there and stand. I got people coming in. Now I've got to have to stand there. After I take the picture, you don't take another 40 fucking pictures because you want to wait and let everybody else settle around me. You got to jump on the opportunity. What does Pink Floyd say? You got to be crazy.

You got to have a real need. You got to sleep on your toes when you're on the street. You've got to be able to pick out the easy meat with your eyes closed. The point fucking blank, okay? That's it. Don't sit there and... Ha ha. Joey, can I get a fucking headshot?

No. Now you got to sit there and wait until you ask rose roots. When everybody was taking pictures, that's when you take the fucking picture. And you just go over Joey. That's right. The sampler box.

I'm sorry. I got emotional with you fucking people. Go to Naturebox.com. The nutritious delicious snacks, okay? Eat them any time. They come with a resealer. You don't have to eat potato chips at the office. Well, you're not going to resheel it.

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and get a free sample. I'm not even asking you to do anything. Get a free sample. That's it, okay? Happy Thanksgiving. That's how we fucking roll here. What, bitch, what? What? What, what, cocksucker? You look fancy today. I like it. I got to look fancy. It's Thanksgiving.

I can't be walking around looking like a fucking moot, can I? You got to look good sometimes. You know what I'm saying? You represent the church or what's happening now? Always. Always. What's up with you, Vicki Pez? You're looking very cute this with your little greenish shirt. My daughter says Gein. Oh, really? Yeah, gine. How old is she now? Twenty-two much.

Oh, my God, almost too. What you mind this? Do you know what you're doing for the second birthday? For her birthday? Yeah. We're going to go on eat, get some lobster today. I don't fucking know. She's 20. I don't know. You like my wife. Yesterday my wife says to me, you have any plans for her birthday. Should I? We have Thanksgiving. We have Christmas. We have your birthday. Then New Year's in her birthday. She's fucking too. I suppose you take your daughter's birthday more seriously.

She's fucking too. You don't mean? We'll get her a Carvel ice cream from Rouse. She goes, no, I'll bake her in ice cream. No, please, please. It's a special fucking occasion. We're going to get her a fucking Carvel game. She loved it last year. The chocolate, when that's a little mix you have. Delicious with the sprinkles underneath. Stop it. She had all over her fucking face. It was in her nose.

That's what they want to do. That vanilla, when they had the little bow. You have a vanilla bow That's a little thicker ice cream And you know you're dying to cancer But who gives a fuck? It's Carvel It's good cancer

You know what I'm saying? I dropped that off at Paula's house For her last birthday I drove down at midnight On her birthday And I'd like one of those mini Carvel cakes She loves Carvels? She likes, who doesn't like ice cream cake

And Carvel's the only brand That's what I'm saying My wife wants to make One of those fucking Betty Crocker chocolate cake They're all right When you're all right But not for a birthday I love my wife, no disrespect

No, yeah Because those cakes are great but ice cream cake is the pinnacle, come on. And only Carvel. Carvel is a bad motherfucker. And DeQ used to have an ice cream cake. Really?

But it doesn't run. Carvel, they invented the ice cream cake. That little Tom Carvel, that guy's an old school stoner. Nobody throws ice cream like that. I appreciate you guys listening on this beautiful Thanksgiving evening. We love you.

I gave a lot of thanks for you people for having you, for having Vicki Pezza, Mr. Pee, and for having Lisa out of my life with his fucking shirt and shit. Good shirt. We're doing 30 for 30. It's over.

Check with us. We're putting a documentary out. We're going for it. That's it. Me and Lisa, I got shit to do. We're on a mission from Satan in 2015.

We're doing a podcast too. I think it's getting booked. Sacramento and San Francisco, the week of March 11th, before San Francisco. On a Wednesday, that we're trying to book that. And that's how it starts,

but it all starts with the 30-30 documentary. Because once we go on the road, we're going deeper, you motherfuckers. The whole theater's going to be back with stone is looking around. I don't want no fucking

midwives and then no Christian, stay home. If you come out, it's because you're going deep on the podcast. I love you, cocksuckers. Vicki Peza, what do you got going on? Just one thing, like, I want to say real quick, because today kind of, you know, for Thanksgiving, my normal, traditional plans kind of got a little fucked up. And I just want to thank you guys so much, like,

for asking me to come and hang out. And, like, I just want to make sure that you guys know, with this show it's a lot of cursing, it's a lot of talking about drugs, and we're all crazy and everything. But you guys are overwhelmingly positive. And what you put out on this show all the time, sometimes I'll be really fucking bummed and I'll like, just listening to the beginning of the show or something,

you're very motivational, you're very positive. And it's just fucking awesome. And I think a lot of people, I think I'm speaking for a lot of people that they're thankful for you. guys and you're fucking great Joey and Lee you do so much and you put together great shows so thank you guys so much

he's a bad motherfucker we're very thankful you do great things I just want to make sure I got that out before we start singing or anything crazy hit it okay now that the show's over don't forget to go to naturebox dot com and sign up to get your free sampler box of great tasting healthy snacks forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter

with delicious treats like barbecue kettle kernels. Go to naturebox.com slash Joey. That's naturebox.com slash Joey. Also, go to meundies.com slash joey, and you're going to get 20% off of your first order of men's and women underwear. And right now, if you live in the United States or Canada, you're getting free shipping.

So go to meundies.com slash joey for 20% off. Right now, if you go to Onit.com, there's a special sale. it's 25% off for supplements and then 18% off I believe right Joey for everything else all the kettle bells yeah they're going deep so if you wanted something from on it now is the time to strike out something so yeah use code word church to get 10% off normally if you're listening to this later but if you're listening to this between uh thanksgiving and cyber Monday there's a great sale going on and go to iron dragon tv.com that's iron dragon

tv what is iron dragon tv? ian dragon tv is a brand new roke channel. They have all your favorite martial arts movies. Use Cobra Joey and you're going to get two free rentals. Bam, baka, bum, bum, bum, bugger, bum, bugger, bum, bum, bum, baga, bum, bum, baga, bum, bum, bon, ba'abon, bum, bam, bam, bam, bam.