The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #243 - Brody Stevens, Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: December 29, 2014

  Brody Stevens, Comedian, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Dragon Attack -Queen I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Big Poppa - Biggie Small Recorded on 12/28/2014

This show is brought to you by Onit.com. Go to Onet.com and use Codeword Church to get 10% off of all of their great supplements, new mood, alpha brain, shrimp tech sport, shroom tech immune. It's co-word church to get 10% off. The show is also brought to you by Iron Dragon TV.com. IonDragonTV.com is a brand new Roku channel. It's a Roku channel. You use co-word Joey to get two free rentals.

They have all the great martial arts movies. The It Man series, a lot of Jackie Chan, like really cool Jackie Chan from China, Jackie Chan, starting in the new year, they're going to have 4K technology, and you're also going to be able to watch it on your Android tablets. Go to NaileditLife.com, all the oil and wax smokers out there for the premier vapor pan on the market. Use code where Joey Diaz, no spaces, and you're going to get 20% off of your order. And go to hit eSigs.com. Hit the letter E.Sigs.com. Better tasting, longer lasting.

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thrown under a car, and God knows what else. The church of what's happening now, baby, with an old-school queen. Lee Syatt is in the motherfucker-in-lawful. Brody, motherfucking Stevens is in the house Go to with safe

motherfuckers What's up, Lisa, yeah What the fuck you've been? What's other questions? Yeah, you've been at the gym The little Mexican chick Kidnapped you all weekend You're fucking full of tamales

Oh, they're so good, aren't they? Those chili cheese ones were delicious Oh my God I didn't know what's a Christmas thing For Mexican people So, like our friend brought you some too Silent Bob Yeah, Rodrigo

Yeah, Rodrigo brought you some too And fuck, they're good They use them as presents It's fucking tremendous Well, they make 80 of them. Her mom made me like 100. Are you serious? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. How many did you eat? Like five, I think. That's it? I went there. It was Christmas Eve. We had those for dinner, and then I had like a couple the next day.

But I have four in my house. Yeah, a nice time, huh? Yeah. It's a different culture, isn't it? They fucking really work on. Have you ever seen End of watch? End of watch. It's a cop movie with Jake Gillen,

Jake Gyllen, that Mexican dude. And they're talking about how it's just, and like, for Jewish people, family is important, but it's like the holidays. You know, at least for my family, I wasn't with them at all times. There's always someone at Paul's house. There's always a cousin or someone.

And it's a, if you like them, it's great. Like, I have some cousins who I'm not huge fans of, but, and it's not that fun. But when it's people who you like and enjoy spending time with, it's fun. And you did a traditional Jewish dinner every year for Hanukkah and all that. Yeah, with Brisket and Lackies and then Passover. And it was great. I love my family, but it's, fuck you. And the freezer.

In the freezer. My mom made a bunch. I'm a Lockheck and all. Yeah. You still got lockies in the freezer. Yeah, fuck you. A filthy motherfucker. What's happening, Brody Stevens?

Great to be. Stephen Brody Stevens. You got it. 818 representing this motherfucker. Yeah, I feel it. Where'd you model that? Beirut. I've done some in Serbia.

Serbia. I have a photo shoot with ISIS on Friday. They're in town, accepting portfolios. That is kind of fucked up. There's a lot of people going to ISIS, like Canadians and British people. Good, well, try to get their fucking head chopped off. Fuck them. Don't come crying to me.

Let me see your fucking pathetic parents crying. We knew he was weird. He always liked hummus. Fuck you. That's what you get now. I mean, why would you go over there? I mean, I understand that there's health workers and aid workers, but it's just always, the guys are getting the head chopped off.

They're very, you know, open-minded, which is great, but it's kind of what maybe got them to trouble. See? Yeah. If they've just been stupid and mind their fucking business, they still would have had a head, you know? But now they're walking around with no fucking head. The parents are crying because they've got to be fucking, you know. They're not walking.

No, whatever the fuck they're doing. Well, maybe they are. Maybe they're extras. I'm walking dead. Like that zombie stuff. Yeah, like zombie stuff. Maybe they're still living to not have a head. People are desensitized.

I hate to get, I saw Walking Dead. I mean, it's over the top, I guess, right? Is that the fun about it? It's over the, or is it the story? I don't watch that shit. That shit scares the fucking dead. Yeah, me too. Oh, it scares you?

That shit scares you? I don't want to see that craziness. When I was a kid, listen, first off, when I was about 13, I took a head a window paint acid, not in window paint. I'm lying to you. People took, like, blood acid, and me and like eight guerrillas went down and watched

Dawn of the Dead. What's code word for guerrilla, something? But it's, you know, people who are fucking... Oh, okay. I don't know what kind of podcast is. Not usual people. My friends were not the usual Gentiles.

He thought about sandals and went to the Starbucks with and talked about, you know, oh my God, The interview was such a great movie. Those were not my friends. Was it a good film? Did you hear?

I don't know. No. It was pretty bad. It wasn't as bad as I was going to be. Yeah. Okay, go ahead, Joey. That was the whole thing. So these were people, you know, you went and you saw, fucking, there was one scene where the black guy goes

onto the helicopter, and the helicopter chops his head off, and he's still alive. And you giggle for an hour, and that's it. And then you go home, and you have nightmares for a week, and you never got to see. You know, I forget the guy's name that used to do those, Dawn of the Dead's, and he did all those. movies when I was growing up and they were kind of weird and I liked them but I don't know a TV show every fucking week with zambos walking around and people shooting them it's not for me it's really not for me you know I don't know I get nightmares I don't I don't that stuff is so it's just so much content on TV you have to keep up you have to binge watch and you have to talk about it

but it's there's just so much content I don't know how you I started getting stressed 10 years ago when you go to the video store and there's deep DVDs everywhere in your face. Now it's just it's too much almost and I've pulled away. I've become a hermit. Do you have Netflix and Rootoo and all?

Yeah, I have Netflix. It's great. What do you think? Yeah, pretty fucking cool, huh? It is. Let's be honest. You can get locked in and, but I've been bad recently not watching films, not reading books. I'm trying to actually appreciate things. It's like I go on the internet, but it's like Yahoo, Drudge, UK meal, Yahoo, UK mail,

barely, I'm just like wasting time, and I feel like I need to take action, and part of that is seeing a movie. I saw Nightcrawler. How is that? Which is a, I loved it. It looks great.

Yeah, that looks really good. But the thing is, say what you want about the interview, it'll be interesting to see how much money it makes. It made a ton of money already. They yanked the public again. Did it? They got Cosbyte again. That's what it's called, getting Cosbyed.

You get lullabyed. You get put in a sleeping pill. Whether it's the iPhone standing online or whether it's something, you get swamied. Yeah. And now they're getting more obvious. I mean, we're talking to a nation that believed that Osama bin Laden existed and is dead and that they shot them and threw them off a fucking ship. Didn't they?

Listen, these are American people. We fucking show people our fish. Or fish. When we go fishing and we catch a fish, we show people our fish. We come from a society that when we kill a bear, we take pictures of that bear and send them home. do so you're not going to send picture of an arab that blew up the world trade center that yeah i don't know i don't think they wanted to cause problems no let's just do it and get it out of here get the fuck out of here i never saw that guy i never saw that guy walking around

i never saw him in the states on a plane fidel i saw he did a documentary this guy i never saw this fucking guy this guy this guy could have been made up i hear as far as we know this guy could have been made the fuck up this could have been a whole made up fucking thing with some picture for some little Arab guy walking around. He's still alive, and now people come up to him going, you look like Osama bin Laden. He's like, no, that wasn't me. They took pictures to that fucking guy.

You know, we shoot a goldfish. We take a picture of it. If we go hunting and we shoot a lion, we take a picture of it. This guy was the world's biggest line. Yeah. You didn't take a picture of it? Really? Come on.

Save that for somebody else. Save that for, oh, yeah, because I have a... So you think he's around somewhere? I don't think he's around. I just think that I don't even know if he ever existed. What? I don't even know if the guy ever existed. He was a hologram? Who knows? Who knows? We don't know. Think about it. We don't fucking know.

I mean, they have videos of him from a while ago, but it's... Videos. Yeah. Maybe he's been dead for a while. He did have kidney problems. Who knows? Yeah, I think he's an Uber driver out in Glendale. Maybe. Been waiting to get that bit in for about... Yeah, you saw me trying to fight to get that. I mean, it's just, you know, I don't believe it until I see it.

I'm from Missouri. I'm from the motherfucking show me state. You are? I thought you were from... I'm from Jersey, but I'm from Missouri. I'm an American. So that means I'm from Missouri. We're all from every state.

You're an American. So why did you? You're from Missouri? No, because it's the show me, motherfucker fucking state. Got it. And you have to show me. I'm an American.

Show me. Me too. Show me a picture of Simon Blonde with his eyeball blown out. Let me ask you this when Mexicans were killing fucking people. Weren't they putting them cutting their heads off on YouTube? Yeah. Listen, we should have seen the picture. I don't think they did because they did because they

didn't want to inflame any, you know, they didn't want to inflame the Muslim community or the terrorists. So let's inflame Americans and show these fucking slipper wearing motherfuckers. I don't think pulling our heads back and slicing our heads back. What hurts an American more? Seeing these guys in orange suits on television, getting humiliated with their parents begging for their lives, what would piss Americans off more? Showing Americans getting his cut off or showing a picture of Salman Laden fucking dying?

Well, that would fire people up. They would get excited. Sure. When you think about it, they showed video of, whatever his name. Who was the old guy in Iraq? Fucking hi. What's his name?

Saddam Hussein. Yeah, they showed Hussein. And then they showed that Gaddafi guy getting stabbed in the asshole. Come on guys. But that was viral on YouTube. Yeah, but still, it went viral. Nothing else goes viral to sob and a lot. My point is, we're becoming Cosbyt.

And we're getting Cosbyed by everything. We're getting Cosbyed by... What does that mean exactly? Couldn't put the sleep and fucked in the ass. Whoa! We're getting lullabyed and put the sleep and fucked in the ass. By society. I agree.

Who knows? Who knows? Okay. So now you're putting body armor on the cops. You're putting cameras on the cops. You're putting cameras on the cops. Didn't we see the film of the black guy putting his hand up saying, I can't breathe? So what do we need a camera for?

We already got the proof that they choked the... him and they killed them. Right. And he still got let loose. What do you mean he got let loose? They got innocent. They were innocent. They were pronounced innocent. Right. They didn't even get to that part. They didn't even get to that part. They didn't want to charge him. They weren't going to charge. What do you think about what the cops are doing in New York? Like, turning their back on the mayor.

Well, I don't know what De Blasio did. I don't kept the whole story. I've been busy with kids. I do. All I do is read the news. So why? You know, I'm talking about like how I'm not going to movies or reading books. I'm addicted to the news. Right, but you're paying attention to the most important thing that you should be paying attention. News and comedy.

What gives the fuck about the interview when you're paying attention to comedy and what's important to you, the news? When I wake up in the morning at 6 and I throw on the news and they're talking about a family, I shot the death in Glendale. That's got nothing to do with me. I feel bad for the families, but it's not what I want to wake up to at 6 in the fucking morning. I don't want to wake up to the first three stories on the news about a car accidents with six kids in the car, three kids who got drunk and a mom and a grandfather who got shot, two Mexicans got shot at Guadalajaville. Somewhere or something. It could be black people.

I don't want to hear about it. Could you send me the link? Please. To what? All those great stories. So what we're trying to do is you want to hear news that works for you. I want to hear. So I put CNN on and they tell me all this shit.

Again, that I don't want to hear. So all the news outlets are telling me I want to hear 10% of the 100% bullshit. They're telling me. Well, you've got to go on the Internet for that. You're going to get the real deal. I mean, less, unless, not as, you know, not, censored. But you know what I'm saying? Like the regular news, it's kind of, I'm not saying

it's down the middle. It's not down the middle. You have Fox, and then I guess you have everybody else. But you go on the internet and get to read the comments. Well, the beautiful thing about the internet, and it's, you know, for years I always heard that media controls everything. And I used to giggle at that.

Now it controls everything, but it controls everything, not a sly way. Like, they tell you the news that you need to know about that black kid that got shot by the White Cup. Right. There's a of that's the first thing that comes up. It pulls me in. That's the first thing that comes up.

I'm there. Or the white guy who got shot by the black suspect in Arizona. I'm clicking. So it's like now you don't hear about school shootings no more. No more school shootings. At this time last year, two years ago, school shootings were huge. The year when Batman, the fucking idiot,

got shot the Batman movie theater. It's so weird what they want you to hear and what they don't want you to hear. So you're saying that kind of stuff is still going on? Those kind of shootings? Like a mass shooting? I don't know. we don't hear about them.

I don't think. It's like we don't hear about them fast enough. It's like some news is 1960. Some news is 2015. They determine what comes up to the top first. You don't go ahead, Lee. Oh, no, I'm just, it's good because you have that your fingertips. But the issue is you don't really know what to believe a lot of times because there are right leaning, there's left leaning.

And there's a lot of websites now doing fake news stories. Are you serious? Like, not even just the onion. It's called the onion. No, no. They have the onion, which was. hysterical today. They said they were going to wear a patch for all Rothersberg's victims, the Pittsburgh

quarterback who, like, assaulted a bunch of girls. But they have these websites that are posing as real news, and they'll write a story that's so close to being true. It could be true, but it gets, like, a lot of people have messed up, and, like, today, they had one, like, there's going to be a new season

of Breaking Bad, and, and it's harder to know what's real and what's not real. I don't look at another shit. Those things they put on Facebook, I don't click none of those things, nothing. because he could tell those things are just fake. I go to, honestly, I go to drudge, ESPN, UK mail. Yahoo is like cheesebally.

Some of their stories aren't very good. And I do look at comments. You go straight to comments and you see and you understand that it's, I'm not going to say it's a racist country, I guess it is, but it's like every comment is kind of conservative. On what? On most news stories. that are involving, you know, like culture stuff, black.

It's always blame Obama, always blame Obama, and then it's, you know, racist. It's just a bunch of that. Are you racist? And I love reading it. You got it. Thumbs up. Yes, anonymous.

I'm kidding. What's been going on with you, you've been behaving, everything's good in your world? Yeah, I'm good, you know. It's like, I think working's important for me, you know, and you would say that, Even actors, they go up and down. They always talk about not having a consistent schedule.

But I also think being a comedian, you can kind of make up for those downtimes and also podcasting. Things have changed. But you know how the old... Listen, as a comic, as an actor, you could always be busy. Like, I could be busy 24 hours a day and still not get all my work done. Like, just writing material. How much of that takes up your time? And some days you get something

Some days you get nothing Some days you ride all day They get a fucking line A fucking line You know But at least you get that line You know You're marketing yourself

You're booking yourself You're trying to get spots You're trying to stay healthy And do kettlebells Or run or get sun Or Yeah You know there's such a process

It's just not I don't when I first watch comedy And said This is what I think I want to do I thought I wish I would have taken a test and saved my notebook. I thought it was just writing jokes,

and I had my idea completely wrong about writing was. I thought writing was, oh, I'd just write this and go up there, and I'm thinking of how, you know. And you went on stage. And when you get into comedy at first, you do that. And then there's no book to tell you what you do as a comic. Like, if I lived in Michigan, my day as a comic would be completely different than my day in L.A.

Correct? Yeah. You're doing warm up here? But I will say there are books on comic. Well, like Judy Carter and shit like that, but when was the last time you called headlines with Judy Carter? When was the last time you saw Judy Carter at an improv? You haven't.

That's my fucking point, okay? So all these people that give you books are written by people that you don't even see do fucking comedy. Well, Judy is very busy right now. We're doing what? Open up. No, leave it alone. Show me what fucking club Judy's at this fucking weekend.

Leave Judy alone. She doesn't deserve this. Judy hasn't worked in 90 fucking years, so things change. Every year, if you're a comic, things change. The rules change. I agree. When I got here as a comic, if you did a co-star in a TV show or you recurred, people went to see you on the weekend. That's it.

Okay. People signed you, an agent signed you, a manager signed you. They went to the comedy story. Everybody was jumping up and down. People wanted to suck your dick. Boy, is it not like that. Is the Internet now? And it changes every year.

Well, when we got here, it wasn't the Internet. When we got here, it wasn't the Internet. Well, it became cable, and then it became... But when you and I got here in 98, you had to go out every night on stage. You had to write jokes. You had to go to auditions. Yeah. I'd go to Fox and do warm-up.

Yeah. You went and did warm-up. I went over there with you and did the sketches. Thousand shows. You were on there tons. You know, you do all these things as a comic that are completely different. They come first. You know, I remember having a conversation with Mitch Hedberg

and him telling me that I write three hours a day and I turned the phone off. You know, like that's how serious he got about it. You have to be like Kobe Bryant. Like Kobe Bryant. And there's so many different aspects. that go into being a good comic or a great comic or a mediocre comic. You know, I knew when I was a mediocre comic what I was doing, and now that I'm a little better, I know what I'm doing.

And it involves so much. It's like MMA training. You just don't box. You got to do jitoo two days a week. You got to do conditioning two days a week. You got to do karate two days a week, and then you got to fucking box two days a week. Then you got to put it all together and hit wrestling and get your dicks up,

do radio, do promo. It's a whole process. It's just not getting out. Laundry. Laundry. It's just not getting in your car. Well, was it hard for you when you stopped having full-time jobs? Like, we talked about it when I first started.

And I'm still not good at grade at it again. I've gotten better. But now that I worked a full-time job from the time of 16 to now, and I went to school. So I always had something to do during the day. And when I first started doing this full-time, part of it was I was being kind of lazy. I would just walk to you. But now, even when I'm working a lot, I'll feel like I'm being lazy because I'm at my house. and it's hard to fill as much time as you think you should,

but also the schedule is a lot different. So even though I'm not doing stuff before, I'll be out until 10 or 11 o'clock at night. So it's just, it's a hard transition, I think. You know, for years I just wrote jokes. It's funny, I always have a, I crack jokes with my buddies in Jersey. They'll call them and we'll have a conversation. I know, I'm working hard now at 51 that I did when I was burglarizing houses.

I mean, I'm working harder now when I was burglarizing. When I was young, I was a burglary. I was a part-time burglar. Whatever. You do whatever you got to do. Shocking developments. But it's so weird how I work. You know, I get up at 5, and I tweet and Facebook for an hour,

and then I fucking write for an hour in the morning. I set my day up, and then you have the baby. Then my wife takes a shower, and then she comes out, and I do something with the baby till 10. Then I do something for an hour, and then she comes back, and I have the baby. You know, and there's writing involved. There's email involved. There's talking to agents.

There's just so much in your day. And I remember when it was just very simple when you were in open mic or you'd get up, right? We'd get up and go to our job and then meet at the underground. I mean, it's just crazy in terms of, you know, the internet was a game. For me, it was like cable was a game changer.

And then like internet satellite TV, just it turned into TV. It was like turned into 60 channels to 200 channels. And then the Internet came on, and that blew everything out of the box. So you have that, and then even on, look, everyone spoke pot tonight. But I also think that we only still have 24 hours in the day. And now you got that two hours, that was, when we were in Seattle, that two hours of social media wasn't there.

Wasn't that. It wasn't that. It wasn't there. But a lot of people listening might be like, oh, social media isn't work. It's fun. It's Twitter. It's Facebook. both of you guys are amazing at social media and I say that from seeing comics and even not comics

who aren't and how much it hurts their career because in reality Twitter shouldn't be that hard to do but to stick to it and be good at it which both of you I think are amazing at it it is it's a skill at this point you guys can be social media coaches if you think about it yeah I it you got to be in the game for the most part I mean it's fun to do I like like doing it. I just sometimes don't like to hate tweets and when it gets like that. But I think Twitter's great because you, I mean, podcasting, that was another game changer. It's like, which is, I don't think there's any negative with podcasting. It's probably better for a comedian now. I mean, what comedian doesn't like?

Talking shit. Right. I work on this. Every week I sit down. I go, this week I like to get Brody on and me and Lee talk. And we'll go, hey, about Brody. I'll think about Brody and we'll talk to Brody. about and what else comes up, you know, because I don't like them to be topical. I never wanted somebody to listen to this six years from now and go, what are these guys talking about? They're talking about today. They're not talking about their lives or how this affects them, and that's why I didn't want

it to be topical. I don't want a topical comic. We're going to sit here and make fun of somebody and giggle. I like coming on here and talking and talking about our shortcomings and how we can make them better or how we could be better as human beings or, you know, a limit. I've been making fear from our lives. I never put that audition on tape. I had an audition for a dinner on the movie.

I never put it on tape. And I just didn't want to. You ever have that film when you just don't want to do something? You look at it and you go, you pre-qualify. Like, you write yourself off. But over the last two days, I've been thinking that maybe it was a little fear. I just didn't want to deal with it. Like, I just didn't want to deal with all the fucking bullshit.

Like, when my agent called them, they said, no, they didn't want to see me. I wasn't the type. Then a week later, they go, all right, let them put it on tape in New York. You're like, what the fuck? What the fuck? You know, so it's like you deal with these things. This is the shit that affects me. Today, I trained with this dude today.

That's a badass jiu-jitsu guy. I train with him whenever I'm home, at least twice a week. Is it a guy named Eddie Bravo? No, no, no, no. It's a guy named Dave. I met him at Higgins, you know. And when I first started going down and he taught me a lot of jihitsu basics, that I had gone to other places and they never taught me.

shit that it's very easy to see that this was the bridge. So today we're doing something. I go, hey, man, I've been practicing these at home. He goes, let me see. And I started doing this jiu-jitsu move for him. And he was like, Joey, when you first fucking came in here, you couldn't even go to that one leg. Now you're throwing me over. And he goes, you did it four times in a row.

This isn't luck. You're doing this. And I asked him, I go, how did you know about this? And he goes, I didn't. after I saw you one day I went home and thought about you for two nights and thought about why you couldn't do that move

so we worked on that and it was just your hand and your elbow movement you know and he goes I learned from watching you and breaking it down you and I have had discussions about comics on Twitter and that they've spoken had conversations with us and we've said

and I've said to you if they just watch what I do they would this would be easy I don't Twitter all day. I refuse to tweet all day. I got better shit to do than Twitter all day. I'll give you those two hours in the morning. I'll give you those for free. I'll do that all day. But I can't tweet

every time I go to a restaurant or stop and take a picture. That's why I'm not on Instagram. I can't. I just can't. My day is my day. I live my fucking life. I can't be on there all day, twitting cheeseburgers and fucking grilled cheese sandwiches and pictures of black people with

handcuffs on. I can't do that shit. Whatever the fuck. You know what I'm saying? I'm not Making fun of nobody. I'm just saying it. I don't have time for that. I give you what time of my mind in the morning, what eliminates my fear in the morning, what I'm thinking,

when I'm waking up in the morning, you know, that you don't know about. I think social media is very important. But then again, I always ask myself, would Richard Pryor go home from the store at 2 in the morning and twit? Probably not. But it's 2015.

He probably have to. Right. You understand me? You have to. You think so? You have to. We had a guest on the show, a good friend of mine, that Lee's become friends with, Big Fan, the Lee's.

Lees, a big fan. He's a big fan. He's Ray Canella. And he worked to sci-fi for 20 years, and he told us how he would go home and watch his kids. And he kept going to sci-fi saying, guys, TV is changing. I'm watching my kids. They watch shit on demand when they want them.

Netflix and all this shit. You people are missing the boat, and they kept saying, no, you're getting too old. Let's face it. I mean, I'm not going to lie to you. We've been friends for 20 fucking years. Five years ago. we were on the same boat.

We didn't have much going on. We were all waiting for the next movie. You know, you had a hangover. You had successes with the hangovers. Thank you. I want to ask you something. Remind me to ask them about the hangover. Nobody really knew the next move.

No. These things came. Podcasting. You know, when you leave here and you go south, three blocks is a Ford dealer. I had applied at that Ford dealer to sell cars. When I moved to the Valley five years ago in April, maybe six months after that I had a decision

The decision was I was gonna quit comedy on the road I was gonna do comedy in town And one of my friends called me with a movie role or TV roll I would do it for insurance But I was done with comedy And then the fucking Jew hit me up on Facebook And said, do you want to meet? And he had all these ideas and I would go, slow the fuck down.

Whoa, Nelly, I'm an old man. If I stayed that old man, I would have been selling cars if I didn't take his advice and then he kept bugging me after I had the Felicia podcast going do the Felicia podcast but you got to do something in the morning you're tweeting and you got these fucking people on there

listening to music and saying to suck my dick and God's going to help me today whatever the fuck so we did the podcast so I started thinking like a young man I had to that's the only way you're going to stay in this game

when you got to the store remember there was a bunch of older comics they're not even around anymore. Why? Not because they didn't grow. They didn't evolve. Comedy is an evolving game. I wasn't making fun of Judy Brown before.

I love Judy Brown. If you go to my fucking house, Judy Brown's comedy book is in my space. Judy Carter. Judy Carter. With the fucking tab, ripped off it. That's how long I have it. You know how many times I bought the Judy Carter book?

Five or six times. I've got that book. Gene Perrault. Yep. For writing. That's what you do. Gene Perrault must have had 16 fucking workbooks. I think I did three of them, and I would get pissed off at Gene Perrault.

If I was doing those workbooks, I would hit Gene Perra on Facebook and told him, I hope his mother gets hit by a train. Cocksucker, because I couldn't do those exercises. I couldn't figure out. He used to write for Bob Hope. Oh, yeah. I'm telling you, Gene Perot workshops. Well, it's just back then books were the way people found out stuff.

So you bought books. Now, there's probably a guy doing a comedy podcast, how to do comedy podcast. or how to do comedy YouTube video. And it's just the way it is. It is that way. But you get these guys, you know, stand up is about doing it. You know, I don't want to compete against these, the YouTubers. But I feel like comedy is the real deal.

But YouTube saved me. YouTube, listen, Comedy Central is never going to give me a one hour. HBO is never going to give me a one hour. Right. So I got a couple options. What's the matter? Lee, look, you're going to cry. No, I'm just high.

Either Netflix gives me a one hour, or I got to shoot my one hour. Crackle, Amazon. Or, me and Lee, shoot 10 minutes a month, post it every two months. And I got my own special on YouTube, which will get more hits

than you'll get on Comedy Central. Because Comedy Central, they're going to play your special on Friday night. And that's it. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, that's it. And then they're going for DVDs and sales. So if I don't DVR it or whatever,

your thing is fucking gone forever. On YouTube, I can publicize it. 10 minutes every time. And it's yours. Brody Stevens YouTube page. You edit it. You edit it. Brody Stevens YouTube page.

And every 60 days, there's a new 10 minutes by Brody Stephen. Premier. And look, I don't have any problem disagreeing with that. No. But also the other problem is this warm up, it's energy. You're putting out that crazy energy. And then you also have to go, you know what? I'm on a little roll right now because if you ask me, I like the Internet, but I'm also old-school.

I get a kick out of getting to be on MLB network or the NFL network or Fox Sports and those shows. I'm old school. I like that. I know that funnier die. And like I said, those internets, they're more. But there's just something about TV. It just makes it, I feel like it's more official. But what I'm trying to say, I told Lee to remind me about a question.

I want to ask you. I'm high too. I did Spider-Man too. I did the longest shot. And somebody once told me something after the longest short that makes a lot of sense. It's that sometimes we do movies and we don't think we're going to get out of them

but we wanted to get out of them. And he goes, these movies go in cultures. You know, I'm very lucky right now. Grudge match is playing on HBO. And they've been putting it on the 8 o'clock with ride along. So it's like ride along, grudge match, and something else. For me, I need three more weeks of that. I need three more weeks to Grudge Match to play

because it's free advertising for me for casting people. Oh, that's what I was getting. I'm sorry. That's the one sense of it. But did you get what you wanted out of the hangover one? As big as the movie was. Biggest movie of the summer. 200 million at the box office.

You must be getting some great residual. Okay, I had some decent ones early on. And once in a while, I get it. But it's part of my act. It does feel good, a little bit of validation. Right. Or just kind of cool. Absolutely.

It's a cool little crush. I just Spider-Man 2. People came up and said, we saw you in Spider-Man 2. It was fucking cool. One line, even I felt cool. I can't lie to you people. I do shit all the time.

I don't feel cool. When I did Spider-Man 2, I felt fucking cool. It was a cool movie to do it. If you come to me, I'll tell you 10 times the same thing. It was a cool movie. My question is, when you shot the hangover and you went home in the back of your mind, between you and I, his brothers,

I've known you 20 years. Did you say to yourself, this is the one that's going to push you? me over the time. Then the movie comes out and yeah your friends come up to you, your mom comes up to you, your agent's proud of you, but did it really push us to where we wanted to go. I tried it to the longest yard, I ain't gonna lie to you. Listen I quit doing blow in 2007 not because I've been doing blows since 79, but after the longest yard I went into one of the biggest funks in my life because everybody told me once

the movie comes out you're gonna be writing your own ticket. When I didn't, I didn't know I already had a plan to succeed. I didn't have a plan to fail. You know what I'm saying? And that failure made me snort triple the amount of coke, maybe put on 20 more thousand pounds than I had already done. When you did the hangover, how did you feel? For me, it was just all bonus.

It was all playing with house money. Because I never, ever thought I would be in a movie and be, I just didn't think so. And even when I shot it, I felt like, okay, I've been in a couple little things. I could tell it was a big movie, and I did it. I mean, I just stayed professional. But I didn't think it was going to change my career. I just wasn't, I come from, you know, a baseball background, college, and very structured.

So I just kind of play things close to the vest. Even when my, I knew my TV show that I had on Comedy Central, which is kind of hard to say, say that. but I did, there's no denying, I felt like that would give me a little, that would have given me a boost and helped me push through, and I think it kind of has, with the combination of these other things,

I've kind of like pushed through to a new level, but I also feel like I'm in the opportunity right now to go even one more level, and then I can quote unquote, chill. And I think some of it, honestly, is just getting out of warm up. Like the thing is I get mic time

I'm getting paid I get to perform every day for comedy Central executives and you know funny or die executives audiences the comedians appreciate it you know when I did it at best damn sports show I never auditioned I mean I obviously auditioned for the you know I did for the hangover

but pretty much I gave up auditioning because I wanted to ingrain myself at Fox Sports where I would know every executive, everybody involved. That was, and just do the best job I could do. I ended up doing a thousand shows and guys who were like, you know, segment producers like

Eric Shanks, he runs the whole network now, you know, George Greenberg, executive producer he runs a bit. I mean, you know, all these guys are there. So it is relationships and you know, I went for that, but I feel like now it's, I got to

kind of, I just got to ride the wave. It's just warm up takes a lot of, this is a hard, this particular one's How many hours is this warm-up take out of your day? Every day for mid-man. For me, well, I do four shows a week. I'm on the clock for two hours straight. From the minute I get out of my car, I walk across the street and boom, I'm on.

I work with the audience is there. I hit them there. And I have to stay on and focus for two hours. There's no letdown. And this show is very joke-heavy. joke, joke, joke, energy in and out. It's just high energy. Kind of like how Chelsea was.

But Chelsea, you know, had her books coming out. It was a lot of these young girls from, you know, San Diego and Arizona. And it shot over by the beach. She had just had a ton of fans. And it was just basically there was just, I mean, it started out with paid audience, but then she just blew up. and then it was just kind of keep the audience under control. Warm them up, keep them under control.

And it was hard, but I wasn't, like, beat up after. I'd hang out. It was like I felt good. Whereas this show, it's like I'm trying to do the same thing, but I'm not, though, for different reasons, it's an adult show. It's hard to get adults there at 3.30. You can't get the college groups like I would get a best end. It was just a lot of, so at the end of the day, it takes a lot out of me.

And I appreciate it. I like doing it. It feels good. But I'm also seeing that, you know what? I should be podcasting. Imagine if I podcast took that chance, podcasted, because people, that's all they asked me to do. Podcasts build up my audience. I will go out on the road.

I will do that. And I don't hate warm up. You know, I'll do it. But it's, you know, I think I'm got the most. I'm good at it. You're really good at it. I mean, I don't like doing it. Have you ever seen him do warm up?

My girlfriend and I went and saw you in Irvine at the Oddball. And I've been very lucky that I've worked in TV, and I've been able, in Los Angeles, I've been able to go to a bunch of TV tapings. And they're fun. But everyone in this room knows how bad canned fake laughter on TV shows sound. There's really bad warm-ups. And if the warm-ups bad, then they're not going to laugh.

They're not going to be a good audience for the show, which is super important. And I've seen you there. I've seen at the Comedy Store Bunch, not doing warm-up there. But it's kind of like how the internet kind of gets looked down upon. Like you said, you enjoy doing live TV better. I think you think warm-up gets looked down upon, but it really shouldn't. It shouldn't.

No, no, it's a skill. It's definitely a skill, and I see him on stage sometimes. Yeah, it's amazing. But here's the deal. It's kind of like maybe I think you were talking about this before. Yeah, you do the warm-up. You're in front of, what, 115 people, three. You know, you can be up like key in person.

Peel and the guys from Reno 9-1-1 or whatever. Chris Hardwick, you know, you get all that, but that's who sees it. You do a podcast, thousands see it. That's true. Or hear it, hopefully. So I'm not saying it's wasted in there, but I feel right now I'm at the point where maybe I could put that energy and go for it. But I also know that I'm good at.

I don't not like warm-up. I just can't be beat up. I just feel him getting beat up a little bit. I remember when I first moved here, I would go to shows. I went to Politically Incorrect, and I would see my boy warm up. Danny Vermont? Did he do it there? Was it Danny?

Oh, my God. Long hair? Yeah, no, I know who Danny is. It was either Danny or what's his name? Robert Lungblade or a bald guy or... KB. Capara? What's his name? KT.

Chunky B? No. Ket Tata? No, he wouldn't have done it. No, no, it was a long time ago. But I remember there was a guy that I see now. from time to time. But the worst warm-up ever was the guy on news radio.

Joe and all those guys used to call him Captain Date Rape because he looked like a date-rape guy. And I remember sitting at the warm-up going, like, what do they pay this guy? I got to get in here. I mean, that is one thing where... He was really bad. And then I worked with Brody on the Best Dance Sports Show.

And I know Brody a long time. And one day they're Mike in me. And I've got my back to Brody. like I've got my back to the stage and they're mic and me like that like hold on come on you know they're doing it in the rush and I'm hearing him warming up this crowd

but he's not doing the traditional warm-up he's talking about foot fungus or something and I'm fucking howling because they're looking at him like what are you talking? And he's just going off he's not even look at him. He's got a football jersey on a whistle around his neck

and he's talking about foot fungus or something and me and the girl that was doing the makeup or the mic, whatever, we just looked at them and looked at each other and I'm like, that is fucking amazing. And I could see that I had been to a thousand tapings. They don't even let you go out in that type of boundaries. They don't even let you go out where you were going as a... Oh, they let me.

They let him. They let him. Not saying fucking cunt. No, no, no. Keep it clean. Just very clean. But just talking about something that has nothing. They were so...

Like, give me the three actors from the Godfather. Like, they were doing quizzes and shit. No. The biggest thing in this industry is there's very few Craigslist job postings. You get jobs, and you've got a bunch of jobs from people you know. So, Brody, you've done a bunch of shows because people ask for you. So that's, I mean, that's the best kind of job hunting. People are asking you to do jobs. Yeah.

What was your first warm-up? Was it? Best sports show? Or it was. You had Zach in between that? I did. On VH-1. Yeah, I did Zach show.

I got fired. The guy thought that I worked like half the shows. He thought I scared the audience. And it was like Fred, Fred Graver, he ran the show. He was like a travel channel or something.

But he said, I scared the audience. But the thing was, the whole audience, it was the same audience from Best Damn Sports show. You know what I mean? It was like them sitting there. But what upset me was, I didn't get a note.

It just got fired. It's like, I'm working with the, same guys. I know the audience. How can I scare an audience that knows me? So you could have just given me a note. So then Zach like and got it, this is long, so Zach is you know, it was a long time ago, but Zach did, you know, they tried to get me back and I did come back and then I worked some of the shows. Show got canceled. Sorry. Best damn

Sports show. I got in trouble a couple times ever for the most part. I stayed with it. A thousand shows. Chelsea. 400 shows. They left me alone. Seven-year run. Ridiculousness. It's like, leave me alone. Wanda Sykes, they got rid of me.

They got rid of her. What show is that? The Wanda Sykes show. And you were the warm-up for that? Yeah, I did like 10 shows. Here's the deal. I take care of comedians. It's like I'm focused on taking,

like when at Chelsea, I want to take care of these comedians. And at the end of the day, what does it do? for you. It's like, but I know that Kevin Hart knows me. I know that Jeff Dunham from Best Damn Sports Show knows me. I know that if I really need something, I took care

of these guys, you know, and Whitney Cummings. This is before they had everything. So I didn't do it for that, but that's what drives me. And that's why I feel like I like having the respect to the comedians. But I can't, I disfume

when the crowd isn't good. It just boils my blood. And it's like not healthy something. times but I'm like a coach like let's go and just you know it's not easy it's but you have to like I'm good at it but to get that you can't just I mean I have to prepare my day I don't audition you know everything I have to leave it's like preparation I have to get up do the same stuff that's how hard warm up is and then I'm done and I'm just like wiped out after not wiped out but kind of

grind it out for this particular show I'm that good I like create I'm not hating on warm-up, don't get me wrong, but I want to, I definitely need to be podcasting more. And I know that would be a big difference. And I think I should have a YouTube channel. And that's it. But here's the other thing. In the back of my mind, I'm doing other stuff.

I mean, I did do MLB Network. I was on a Fox Sports, you know, fantasy football show all year. So it's not like those things aren't happening. So I kind of put my energy into that warm up in TV. You know, I went from doing warm up in the road. I did everything about my show, and then warm up came, and then warm up, and then do the road for my show. And then once the road stopped, still doing warm up,

then I focused on, you know, the Fox Sports and doing the NFL stuff, and then getting a cartoon, put my energy into that. But I think that for 2015, I just need to be, I'd like to, like, figure some things out. There's just, you know, I don't want to get to break behind the scenes, but I'm just not, I know I could be, because I've done the show. I was on a TV show, so I know what it's like to feel good to work half the time, to put in half of distress and make twice as much and be seen by thousands.

That's what I'm saying, like warm up you, 115 people see me. You know, yeah, it's a steady paycheck. but I've been on the other side where it's like, wow, I've got a dressing room, and, you know, they're doing makeup for me. I feel accepted. It's like, I can do this. And so I put my energy into that. And my mind has been wondering, you know, just doing so many different things.

But these are good problems. I'm not complaining. Have you ever got somebody at a show saying I saw you to warm up for the show? Have you seen them around the country? You mean like... Like audience members who saw you warm up from Minnesota when you saw you when you were to Minnesota. It happened.

Yeah, you know. Not so much, though. Here in L.A., I get kids that come up to me that remember you from high school. Like, their high school. Basically, every high school came into Best Damn Sports Show, every community college. So living here in L.A., kids will come up to me,

go, hey, I remember you from Best Damn Sports Show. I was in high school. We did the thing at Loyola? I do. For the best day on you and I Over on Sunset Boulevard There was like a school there And I did the bit about the pine tar

With he was going to be on the show that day So we did the bit on the pine tar And it was just a fact You were great on the show by the way Jelly on everything Kind of remember Yeah yeah yeah they were great You know at first it was kind of hard

But then they started That was my first TV gig It was 150 an episode How many did you do? You did a lot Like 20 of them maybe Maybe even more. Maybe even more.

But you knocked it out. Joey would come in. This is a live to tape. Taping. It's live, basically. And Joey, every time, I'm not just saying it, you knocked it out to the point like, this guy's good. Rich Williams is writing. Rich Williams wrote.

The kid with the red hair that's still around, I still see him around. He was a good writer for me. They wrote that. I was the non-whatever sports analyst. I was the non-committal sports analyst. You were great, and then Lonnie Love was the other one. She was on a lot. It was like you too and then the Farley Brothers.

The Farley Brothers. That was about it. It was like those are the guys doing stuff. And you know what? When you're doing warm up, that's another thing. I never, and I think it comes from my baseball background or just kind of being a team sport guy. Fuck, my mind is so bad.

I'm sorry. The whole night I'm... What happens, brother? You know, I'm talking about pushing guys. yeah who knows I forgot what does that mean I'm so like discombobulated recently

it could be because I took a beta blocker and that's a thing I'm taking my meds but the minute you want to like you you don't like a clonopin which is an anti-anxiety you take as needed it's like if I don't take

just a little bit after a day my body I get a little absent minded and that sort of stuff and plus I smoke pot. You got it. Now, what, we talked about this

with Greg Fitzsimmons. You know, I've had addictions. I know, I know about weed. I know about mugging people. I know about fucking robbing drug dealers. I don't know about the symptoms that you had. I don't know about really

what you have. It's called Judaism. Being a Jewish guy. That's what happened. For me, you know, I... I'll stone the elite.

I'm really. All right, good. I'll give it to it in a nutshell. Like, I grew up in the valley. Typical, divorced, Jewish, 80s, single mother, all right? Being a Jewish kid. So my story wasn't really all that different than other kids that had the same exact situation as me.

And what I'm saying was, it wasn't that uncommon. So I did that. But I was still like, you know, I was playing sports, whereas maybe I should have been playing drums or I should have been maybe doing comedy. I don't know. I did sports because I had a good arm and it was an outlet for me. But looking back on it, maybe I should have done the arts. So when you're doing sports, it's a jock world. There's a reason why a lot of Jews don't play sports, they're sensitive. So you're in that jock world, big nose, hairy, goofy, gay. And it's like got to me. Now here's the thing, you know, I'm not blaming, you know, parents being divorced. If my dad was

around it. It was an active member in my life. But there is something about having that strong male presence. Male presence in your life. So again, my mind is wandering on stuff. But my life wasn't all that different. But I would fight with my sister. I'd like, you know, and had a Jewish mother. So all the, all the symptoms that make comedians probably great comedians, they come from effed up backgrounds. Mine was, yeah, typical, but a little. little more, my sister, me playing sports, and then I went to college,

same thing, getting picked on, and then I went to Seattle, started doing comedy. And I was just like, I just needed something to relax. I didn't like always, like, I just wanted to slow my mind down and not be so sensitive. And then I took the med, like a antidepressant up there.

And it just kind of like, it gave me confidence. it gave me like a little buffer to be my I felt like to be myself more like to be myself and not be so let things hurt me and then I also felt like it's comedy it's good to be hurt

that's when I started reading those Judy Carter books and all that so I felt like every and then early on the guys up there you know the comedians we can go on and name them all but like Kermit Todd Sawyer Rodney Sherwood whatever they would you know encourage you and say hey you're just funny

keep doing it. It's very supportive whereas I came from that jock world and then I went to comedy it's just so refreshing and then you know you you get on that that Mary go round

with medication so I took it there and at first there were like side effects but I felt like it gave me a little bit of a buffer I don't know and then I went to New York and I really wasn't on anything and then I felt like

Maybe I need... You know, it's like I'm constantly having my mom, the Jewish stuff. Well, Stephen, I want you to be happy. You should go talk to a psychologist. You should do this. It's like, leave me alone. That's the Jewishness. Like, give me a pill.

So I took, like, riddle in to help me focus, but... These are all prescribed. Oh, yeah, nothing illegal. But after three years of New York, I just kind of wanted to get out of there. And then I came back to L.A. And that's where, like, when Facebook started coming in, So I was feeling pretty good. And then now you're getting inundated with Facebook.

You're on your, you know, you're in L.A. I got to make it. That's where I said, I got to get back on like an antidepressant. So, and it took the edge off. And then at that point, I just kind of like went for it. And that's when my comedy started taking off again. And it's just hard to get off the meds. It's not like I would like to be clean, but, or whatever you want to call.

But it's just hard to get off it. So people go, like, why don't you get off it? People go, like, why don't you get off it? And I don't want to feel like the meds made me who I am. I'm still who I am. They don't make me high. But I'm not on a lot of stuff. I take like 10 milligrams of Lexa Pro, and I take Limitol because they tell me to as a backup.

And that's it. And I take Clonopin just in case. Like, it seems like sometimes I'll get like a little, I could feel me racing a little bit, like my palms. And that's probably just the addiction. It's not like I'm nervous about something. It's like, oh, I'm doing Joey's podcast. I'm nervous or I'm doing a spinoidant. It's like my body physically wanting it.

So that's not, you know, like I was telling you earlier, it's like I don't want to be relying on that because the situations aren't making me nervous. But sometimes they are. You know, there is a reason why I am taking it. It's like getting those opportunities, I feel like when I'm on TV, if I'm going to be on, like when I was doing Chelsea,

the last couple, I was taking my meds and I felt like it was more relaxed. was a stressful show, but I don't need it for warm-up. Sometimes I would take it on the Fox Sports show, but I think there's certain times I guess they do work, a beta blocker, but I always just, and there's no shame in it. No, no, no, no, I'd rather you, now when you had your problem last year, 18 months ago,

did you just stop taking your meds? Well, kind of, yeah, you know, it was like, I was out of warm up, and I was working at, I was working at Chelsea and I left kind of on bad terms. I left on bad terms because everything was so great for a while and I was just shocked when this moment happened to the point where like shocked me to where I left. But I also do in the back of my mind that I had an opportunity with HBO and all that.

So me leaving wasn't like I was leaving to nothing. I knew I had something. Right. But it wasn't like, this is going to make me a millionaire. But I knew I had to give it my all. So anyway, when I left, it just, you know, It hurt because I went from like being in to being out right away. So that hurt.

Stayed on my meds. And then I started doing the HBO stuff. And I felt like I just want it's like the, I felt like I was, I couldn't drink. I couldn't like enjoy myself. I felt like when you were on Lexapro, if you drink a beer, you get, you get nauseous. And if you get up in the middle of the night and go and pee and I go, I didn't want to do that anymore. And I go, I'm feeling good. So then I went to, uh,

I went to London, not London, Scotland to perform. And I know I've got the HBO show. I've been doing TMZ. I'm over there. I cut back. I ration my meds a little bit, and I'm feeling fine. Drinking, feeling good. I felt like open.

And it just kind of spiraled. And then when I went straight to Montreal, and I got super sick, and they gave me an antibiotic, and I stopped taking my meds. I just couldn't even swallow, but I got the antibiotic. 24 hours. I felt better. And my mind was clear and super open. I was happy. And I remember, you know, people tell me, Brody, celebrate, take a victory lap. You know, you're on the, you got the show. It got picked up. Aren't you excited? You're getting to host TMZ. You know, you're on the laugh factory thing. You know, they love it. So I was hearing all that,

take a victory. And I was feeling good. I wasn't feeling bad. I was feeling good. then I came back and it was just kind of, I just kept spiraling up. I was not taking my meds, but I came back full of confidence because I did Montreal well. I did well over in Scotland. I never been, or Ireland never been there. So those are two big things. Hosting TMZ coming up when I came, and I'd already been on like every week for the last month. And then they asked me to host had that, had the HBO stuff happening, telling, bro, you're great.

Take a victory lap. So I came back and I was like. like all excited. And I think like Zach or my friends were just not, I was out of character. And I agree. It was out of character. And I was irritable. And I was in a, but I was also happy.

I was having a typical manic episode. All the, all the markings were there. Check. You know, delusional. Check. Not sleeping. Check. Curcing.

Check. I had it. So I was just, you know, I went on Twitter and that's the whole social media. Yeah, the whole social media thing. And I was just going on it. Joey's life is a manic episode, pretty much. You know, I was just doing that. I was out of people, I was out of character.

And I was also on an antibiotic, you know, throw that into the mix. It was a perfect storm. And so then I said some silly stuff on Twitter, basically within a five-day period. It was this whirlwind. And I knew. It wasn't like I could fly. Who did you go off against in Twitter? Who did you fucking time?

Well, anybody who was like a jerk to me, you know, in the past, like Adam Carolla, not him, but I did a show and his freaking fans, seven pages of comments ripping me. So F you, you call yourself a stand-up now. So you're in the ball game. F you. Jim Gaff again, who was like not cool to me one time or whatever, nothing that's just, and I said something.

He wasn't not cool, but. you know maybe I took it the wrong way it's always been like you know we've known each other for a while so I kind of lashed out at him I lashed Jeff Ross I was just on a roll like I'm like Charlie Sheen and the people liked it I was like saying funny stuff again I wasn't like I was like wide open it was like I was on cocaine and again it felt good but I knew I was on a bender I knew that I needed some kind of you know intervention or a vacation But I was just on a roll. Things were happening, but it was too much. And so I got, they like, you know, threw me, took me away. I laughed now. It's like when I got taken away, it was like, once I was in the hospital, like, recuperating, it, like, became, like, funny to me, you know, kind of that it's rock and roll.

That's what happens. I goofed up. It wasn't like this is something that happens all the time. Like, you're here again. or had a drug. Oh, he did have a drug. I stopped. But I had something that, it was just rock.

It's almost kind of funny, but not funny. You know, you're going to a hospital. I did not expect it. Nobody ever made jokes that, oh, Brody, you're going to flip out and go to once in a while. Like, guys, you know, you've heard, you know, Brody's going to come in and shoot somebody. Not like, not you, but. I, you know, you hear about those guys, but. You know, a couple of years ago, we had Rudy Sarzo on.

and he was talking about how there's a thin line between mental health and talent, you know, and I go down the store, and I got to be honest with you. When I first met you, when I first met you 20 years ago, I used to break your balls, you know. And then I took your car. Oh, my God. I went to gig Harbor, and I took your car, and I did 90. Volvo Station. Because you pissed me off.

You kept telling me that I couldn't. You can't tell me that I can't do something in two hours. Oh, I could make it here from San Diego an hour, 20 minutes. And I was snort and coke. I could leave San Diego at a quarter to 12. And I'd get here at one. And one night we were going to Gig Harbor to do the contest. And he kept telling me I couldn't get the gig harbor in a certain amount of time.

So I said, get in the back. We put him in the back of his Volvo. And I did 90. Station wagon. I did 90 all the way. And I mean chicken terriaki. This is 1995. The best chicken chicken.

Yeah, number one, terriaki next door. The best you ever had. She would cut it with scissors. The best you ever had in Seattle, next to the underground. Yeah. I must have had that seven times. It was six bucks, four bucks. It was great.

Chicken terriaki, number one. Number one. Terriaki next to the comedy underground. Swannis. And you must have had that. Get it to go and the little styrofoam. You could go down to do the comedy and get it. That's all you thought about.

Do you really want to eat at six? No, because I'm going to go there at eight and do the open. and Mike and I'm just going to go next door and get it. Yeah. And Josh, sometimes if you call Josh and said, I'm on my way, he would buy two of them. When you got downstairs, he'd go go upstairs and pick him up. They were good. Oh, my God.

We wouldn't go anywhere without chicken terriaki dug that. Here, I can't get no chicken terriaki. It was good. The sauce. All the sauce was. Everything. Once you had the nothing here, nothing. The one that we go to, the expensive one is okay, but it's just chicken terriaki. Like chicken wasn't up there was

chicken terriac. The fucking salad. No fruit. Oh, yeah, the salad. The fucking salad. Thank you. Oh, my God.

Lee, the little fucking salad in the water. Oh, my God. I can taste it now. Is it still open? No, it's gone. It's gone. I could taste it now. It had like a blue cheese ranch.

Oh, my God. Yeah, like this, whatever they put on it. Whatever they put on it, it was great. But the lettuce was crispy. Yeah. Like that with the rice. Clean, Bobby. White rice.

Clean. Who's Bobby? Bobby Kennedy. Bobby. It was good. And she would cut it with scissors. In the bat, like actual scissors from, like, Office Depot. I put sarachi on that motherfucker, on the rice and on the chicken and mix that motherfucker in with that salad. Good, googly-moogly.

And it was no frills. No frills. It was just table and chair. And it was filthy in there. Filthy. Filthy. Them Japs were filthy. Some of the best Chinese would have had has been a B-rating.

Yeah. Oh, please. And the best you have is a D-rating when the guy's picking his nose and playing with a mouse from the mouse trap. The food wasn't all that bad at the comedy underground. They had good burgers. Nachos were their thing. Fucking Lionel. Lionel was the cook.

A cook. I remember him. And we used to steal the big head of chicks nachos, the transvestite. Rita O. Rita O. She'd go. Stop it. Rita O.

Al Fox. Chaz Ablin. Didn't you fight Al Fox? Al Fox was a handicapped kid. He got mad at me, but he also got mad at you. I have it on the video. He went to war with me. Don't talk to me.

He went to war with me, Al Fox. And I called on stage and go, I'm sweating like Al Fox at a disco. Because he couldn't walk. He had like, he, yeah. We have it on video where you're like yelling at. He's getting, the giant kick you a day. I'll kick you a day. He came out to the stage and put his finger in my face.

This was in a, this one was in the back. We haven't, I was in the, you know, where the comedian sat in the back. In the back, back there. That's where it happened. It's fucking crazy. Comedy Underground was, I mean, that's where I got my start doing stand-up. That was the spot where I just learned everything about the fundamentals of a three-man comedy show. Seattle.

You're learning about jokes, stage time, you know, right down, not right down the middle, but, you know, good comedians came out of there. It was a smart. It was a good spot to be. you think? I cut my teeth at the original room, but I looked in the mirror at the, that's the first place that featured me. I opened up for Lori Kilmartin,

Labor Day weekend, 1995. The first place ever offered me a feature spot. So I took, you know, I stayed. I stayed for the contest. It was a mirror. It was a good wake-up call for me. I will never, ever forget my 18 months of comedy in Seattle. It was an education.

I learned a lot. The funniest thing that happened to me in Seattle was thinking. I had an idea. And the man by the name of Doug Stanhope came to town. And that Friday night, I nearly stopped doing comedy. He was that good? He was one of the best live performances I ever saw in my life on a Friday night. I remember he brought Rico up to do a guest spot.

With a beard. With the beard on his face, the spider on his face. One minute guest spot. A one minute guest spot. But I saw Doug Stanhold rip an audience. Just do things that night that I never saw a regular stand-up comic do. And I went camping. I was supposed to go see Alanis Morissette the next night on the other side of that.

The gorge? The gorge. And I said, I ain't paying $65 for a lot of his momerset. I paid $15 for Pink Floyd DeWall. And me and this stripper. went camping. And that night she went to bed and I just cried. I was like, I got to do something in my life. Because if I'm not

going to be as good as Doug Stanhope, I'm not going to do this. I got to do it like that. That's what I have to do. This shit I'm doing, whatever I'm doing up to now, is done tonight. Monday, when I go back to that open, how big was Mondays and Tuesdays in our lives? It was

it. Monday and Tuesday was Madison Square Garden to us. That's all. It was your open mic. And Fred was his name? What was the name of the guy? Carl. Carl. Carl, Warmoven, Ray.

One of the best men you ever meet in life. Did more for me in comedy. He taught me how to put the there instead of this. Take that fuck and put it over here. Watch what happens to that joke. And I would look at him like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I'd go up there and bam, you fucking. And I got, once he made me a believer, I was done.

Every Monday I would go up and go, Carl, watch me. Let me know what I'm doing wrong. And he would tell me. And I took it like a man. very pro love comedy. Loved it. Loved it. Like you. He loved it. And he knew it.

He didn't do it, but he knew it. And I don't know one night he called him and he goes, when are you going? He came down on a Monday night. And he goes, what number are you in this list or something? He goes, we have a guest spot tonight. And it was Rick Dookman. That's the first time ever. And I didn't know who the fucking Rick Doekeman was.

He goes, you're going up after Rick. And I went up after Rick. And I didn't know who Rick was. So I killed. Do you follow me? If I would have known who Rick was, it would have gone into my head and I would have bombed. I can't follow Rick. The guy does movies. He just did a fucking Bruce Willis movie before this time.

I can't follow Rick. He was on a fucking night show. He's been on Letterman. I'm going to follow Rick. But I did so well after Rick that I became friends of Rick. So Rick was my mentor when I came to L.A. Rick was the one who got me to meeting with Tom Hanks after the longest yard. Rick called me in Houston and said, hey, dog, Tom Hanks is looking for you.

You made his kid laugh. That's how good friend that was from Carl Warman over. He's gone now. I think he passed away. No, he had a stroke. He had a stroke. He's alive as far as I'm curious. That's what I heard.

I heard he's not doing that. Him and Ron Reed ran it. You know, that, but that open mic, that's, I mean, that's what you did. That's on, you were there. And then Wednesdays. Was 65% of the door. All of us could get it at night. So we would all do the show.

We'd get the check and go. to McCormickson. 70% of the door. You know, we got 15 people. You've made a little money. And then Wednesdays would be Tacoma at Crossroads.

It would be a contest. And if you did, you won it, you'd come back and do like Thursday or Friday. Something like that. I would drive down there with no gas, so I would have to win.

And then you got to file on Monday, so you picked up another 100 to follow Monday. That was big in those days. Ken ran it, the guy named Kim. Ken and the chick. Forget her. Susan?

Susan. Like a big girl. Big girl. She's my friend on Facebook. She did like Seema jokes. Fucking amazing that we were doing that scene. Seattle was great. For me.

Seattle was great for me. Just coming from, first of all, coming from Phoenix to Seattle. Those are two opposite cities. You're coming from golf, you know, conservative, you know, to Seattle, rain, open-minded. It was just, I was in heaven as somebody like, I wouldn't. wanted to jump into that culture. And it was great. I have fantastic, vivid memories of doing shows and hanging out and being in the rain and

the fresh air and the, I really enjoyed it. But I'll tell, excuse me, the minute I moved to New York, I never look back. When I went to New York, it was like, that's it. That's it. Never thought about Seattle again. What's what happened to me? Maybe I'll go back to Seattle when I can relax. I do like.

It's probably too crowd. it now, but you, and you told me, Joey's the one guy who told me, says, Brody, you got to go to New York. When he told me he was going to New York,

I said, I gave him the green light. In life, I said, you have to do it. You're young, you got nothing to lose, you got a little money put away in the bank. Go do your thing.

You already were doing the show with Tana. Yeah. You had experience. You were in New York. New York. I remember being in L.A. And playing

tennis with Doug Stano. And one afternoon, as I'm leaving, a kid by the name of Mitch Hedberg, pulls me, and he goes, hey, I got to answer you some questions. They go, well, come to my house. I got iced tea. Carol, the stripper, used to make sun tea. And Mitch was like, I have an opportunity to move to New York. What do you think? I'm like, what are you fucking crazy?

There's nobody like you. You want to go where there's nobody like you. Why would you want to go with there's a thousand Jews? And then you're going to fight fucking Jews. Well, they're looking for Jews for this movie. You want to go there? You have a thousand Jews. You want to go where there's no.

no Jews, then you stick out. So you stick out, even though you're Jewish, your comedy was going to stick out. Because there was nobody as crazy as you. They were all trying to do something happened on the way of the store. You're up there talking about 8-18 forever. So you're a model

in Beirut, you know? It just, yeah, I just kept at it, and you know, you had these breakthroughs, and it's also, I always felt like, could I be funny back east, okay, and I went to Seattle, I said, okay, I'm funny in Seattle. And then I was a tour guy at Radio City

and I had every school from like the Eastern Seaboard high schools and I was good with that and then I barked at the comedy cellar and I was good so that's what New York you know it's tough. It's a tough town and I know it's changed now

it's not the same but I had to go there and I had to do Lower East Side comedy that went until 2.30 in the morning you know Seattle you're done at 11 but New York is this something Raw was there that opened me up.

And if you, you know, it's like, if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere. I did three years. And I felt like, and that was my plan to do three years in New York, come back to L.A. when I, in the year 2000. Well, I bumped into your 97 in L.A. We went up to coaching horses with the chubby blonde.

Yeah, and your apartment. And the stripper and the apartment. Yeah. I remember. No, who else was there that man? Carol, me, you, and the blonde chick. that was hot. I don't think I said. I left you with it.

I said, Brody's going to fuck her in a moment. Well, she probably left me. And Kulo, I got to ask you something, Brody, because I was telling him a young comic, a 25-year-old comic, and I had to give him the talk. You know, to talk about it. This is what you're going to do.

You got to sit and get off the bowl, and blah, blah, blah, blah on the road and this. Talking to you makes me, I was feeling guilty about giving them the talk, but talking to you on the podcast. It makes me feel like, I did the right thing because it's an experience at every level. When you're 25, if you have to go to New York for three years to do comedy,

you're not missing nothing, Lee. That's a fucking stripe. That's like me sending you to Ranger School. Lee, you go to Ranger School. Why really don't want to? What are you talking about? You're going to learn to shoot motherfuckers in the head from 50 yards away with a gun and then learn how to open up cans of tuna fish with no fucking can opener. You're going to learn shit. And, you know, this is the thing with comedy.

You just learn. You just adapt. Did I get something from those six-month tours I used to do by myself on a Greyhound bus with strippers and going to Toronto? We discussed last week. Sure, I got something. I built character. I built a certain confidence that you can't take away. You know, you keep talking about these YouTube guys.

I feel at times like I'm a YouTube guy. But you know what the difference than me being a YouTube guy and half these other guys? I got legs to back it. I've got a spine to back it, a comedy spine to back it. You can't take nothing away from me on stage. You could take away my IMDB page. You could take that away. I could take away your HBO show.

I could zap it that it would never even exist. But I can't take away your stand-up. I can't take away the effort you put into that. That's always going to be there. You know, the story I told, you know, I asked what's his name, why did the singer from Guns and Roses go crazy? Sometimes people can't digest the success. Yeah, probably.

They can't absorb the success. Whatever comes my way, I could absorb it because I did the work. And I'll tell you what, you tell comedians this, and you told me, go away. You would say, like, leave L.A. for six months and come back and they'll see that growth. You're going to grow by doing the road or wherever you go, and then come back. If you're there too much,

you're at the comedy store too much, they don't see the growth. They don't see it. There probably isn't much anyone. And if you're hanging around, they don't see it. Well, your nose wide open. You can't do that. You have to become a commodity.

You have to become like, they want to do business with you. One thing I didn't know about LA is, you have to make them seem like they want to do business with you. That's it. Everything else is background music. This is the major league. That's what I tell.

Joey says it all the time. This is it. This is, what's the number? I heard an expression the other day I hadn't heard since I was a kid. And it's a baseball term. And this baseball term? Home run. No.

Strikeout. No. Everything's real in the field. Oh, I haven't heard that. Oh, my God. When I was a kid, that's all. Everything's real in the field. Everything's real in the field.

That's it. That's a baseball expression. Everything's real in the field. New to me. And it's... This is it. Everything's real in this field. This is the major league.

You come here, both your guns got to be together. You got to have bullets in there. Your gun's got to be clean. People skills. Your shoe's got to be shined. Your fucking Spurves got to be ready to show up somebody's ass. And I see how many people have come and gone since you've been here? I ask every guest comedy-wise.

How many stars have come to this town that have come to you and said, I'm a regular at the Land Factory Improv and Comedy School. I'm going to Montreal. I just signed with three arts. and Dave Becky. I'm with Gersh, and where are they today? How many people? And you're still here.

I look at the positives. I mean, this is what I say. I tell these comedians. It's like you see a couple guys. They're like living in the 80s. They come to the comedy. They come to the comedy store. Nobody knows them.

They hang out. They may have done like a couple shows in North Carolina or in, you know, Houston, whatever. And then they come to LA. hanging out the comedy store and it's like I understand like going here and checking

it out but don't come to the comedy store until you're invited I think is a good thing until you're like asked to come there and then you know you got to do the road you got go to Chicago go to New York don't come straight here I don't think

not that there isn't the exceptions and things have changed Are you guys glad you didn't start here or New York I'm glad that I left I'm glad that I started in Denver. I'm glad that I came here and that I grew here as a feature actor become a You can grow in L.A. You can grow in L.A. And you will, listen, as soon as you walk into the improv, as soon as you walk into the Laugh Factory or the Comedy Store, compared to your hometown,

you're going to grow. You're going to grow just because the competition is more fierce. You're going to grow a little bit. It pushes you a little bit. If you do a set at the Ha Ha Ha, or if you do a set at the comedy store is two different sets. You feel differently before both sets. Yeah. At the ha-ha, you're going to do this, all right? Who's going to be in Burbank? Mickey Mouse.

I mean, the Comedy Store original room is a tough room. It's the toughest room in the world. It's the hardest room in the world. When you're flowing, it's a great room. But now those lineups are killers rose. Everybody who has to follow everybody, he's got a fucking problem. It's not like there with holes in the, you know, years ago, there was like a fucking hole here.

or they throw like a broad, a 10-15. Those days are done. There's not a week. Argus is the weakest thing on the fucking chain. And that's 9 to 915. Once 915 comes straight... I mean, I could be out. Because, no, you're in.

You're in that lineup. You know, you got Ian Edwards. You got Tony Hinchcliff. You got Gerard Karl-Michael. I've seen Robb. I've seen Sarah Silverman. Louis C.K. Louis C.K.

Lewis. Chris Rock. Dave Chappelle. These fucking lineups have been. One way in, Brom. brother. That, oh, thank God. Both of them don't show up with the hats with the Asian chicks.

Listen, bro, it's 8.30. You said you want to rush. If you want to stay, you're always family. I want to be around. Brother, it's Monday afternoon. What the fuck? Let's do a few more minutes. A few more minutes.

Do it. Because, you know, when I say you can grow here in L.A., I got warm. I mean, how? But maybe, I mean, I got warm up. You know, I'm different. I'm an enamel. I'm in an enamel. Pick up the pieces

When Somebody breaks your heart Is this Dean Martin? This is Turning better Is this a duet with Lady Gaga? Solo. He's hip.

He's trying to be. Yeah, I was a little absent-minded early on And then I got comfortable And I'm happy with the podcast. It feels good. This is family. We're here. This is it.

This is not even a podcast. This is three, fuck, two Jews and a Cuban having a conversation about life. But when I say you could grow, I feel like here in L.A., the crowds are pretty good. You know, they might be a little cheesebally at some places, but for the most part,

they're supportive. You know, like they go in New York. Yeah, they are tough. You know, you're going to be cranking out, joke, stand up, tighten New York. But you can also out here, you can grow. is like a spirit.

I know it sounds corny, but there is something to like the energy here, the wherever it is, the mountains, the sea that allows for like, you know, those kind of freedoms that I take on stage and do these little energy things.

There is something to it. Like people talk about networking and yoga. There is something to that. And then you tie in a little bit of like a baseball sports regimented, you know, spring training, take 500 swings.

Everything's just over and over. Like Kobe Bryant, over and over like John Wooden. Preparation. So you combine the two. You can work on stuff. Like I'm working on a lot of stuff, but that's the thing that I look at 2015, doing a lot of different things.

Maybe I can tighten up and be smarter. But you know what? I got a great reputation. I'm happy. It's fun to go out and I don't mind. You're out seven nights a week. Four to five. Four to five.

We do the other two nights. Read. You know what I've been doing? I have been taking it easy. I try to get my naps in. When I do have off time, and I haven't much because I've done the road quite a bit at the last year. But I'll go down to my mom and I'll help.

And it's like, I guess that's off time, but it's not really. No, it's not. It's not. And, you know, when I unplug, I really try to unplug. and just nap and get super lazy and just let my battery drain. Netflix, you sit in front of it. Listen, so for you to grow and to write, sometimes you have to get entertained. Sometimes those Jew mothers, they're pretty fucking funny.

That's true. You know, you get a kick out of it. Well, you get inspired. Just entertaining, just watching somebody else. You know, I was telling this Dave guy today, I go, that I was having a hard time with Jiu-Zitsu. You know, I'm 51. I'm a fat fuck. It's not for everybody, but you try.

And I wasn't making the growth I was getting. But I go, you don't understand why I go to Jiu-Jitsu. I don't go to Jiu-Jitsu for what most people go to. I go to Jiu-Jitsu because I'm hoping that none of you guys know I'm a stand-up comic. I'm hoping that all of you just think I'm an old fat fuck. Because that's all I want to be in here. I leave my cell phone in the car. I want to come in here.

I want you guys to choke me. I want to sweat like an animal. And I just want to leave. That one hour. to me is rest when I don't have to think of anything when I see Lee we goof on each other Lee the Mexican the Cuban the cat

but after three minutes we go to business when I see you how you're feeling you know I love you brody everything all right we talk about business there's times I don't want to talk about this shit I want to talk about on bars I want to talk about how come I can't do this or how come I can't

well that's what baseball does for me that's what playing catch and throwing bullpins and shaggy you know that's I like baseball. Oh, it's boring and this and that. You know, maybe it is. But if you have some skill or you know, you could be a pitcher and get a great workout. Throwing batting practice is a great workout.

But I go out to the park, my friends, you know, coach who in the major league. Yeah, you got to go in the dugout at Wrigley. Oh, yeah. That must have been cool. I've had a lot of great opportunities to check out fields. I always wanted to go to Wrigley. But there's just nothing like throwing the ball and pop right to the chest and the glove popping and boom. It's like, for me,

that's something I really enjoy. And I wish I could do that more. I just need to be proactive. And part of it is like I am on a role right now. And I kind of, but maybe there are excuses. I don't know. Maybe I'm just not into that. It's okay if I'm not driven to do it.

But there is something to getting it going and getting those endorphins. And I feel like that's another thing. Like since I had my quote unquote breakdown, I've been careful not to take too much caffeine and be edgy, especially like a workout pill. Be getting like road rage at times. You don't go to Starbucks no more? I do.

No, I mean, I can do a coffee or two a day. But any type of, when you would take a workout pill, it helps you work out. You get the caffeine, the guarana. It's like 20 minutes later, you want to do your kettlebells, get all that in. If you don't take that, you've got to really push yourself. So. You take energy pills?

Not really. I'm just like slowly getting back into red, bowl or like it did a five hour energy shot. It did like, it does clear my head. People have shot me those things, the energy stuff before workouts and they make me too edgy. I getting too bad of a mood. But if I'm working out, I could pitch angry.

I could lift weights angry. I can't do comedy angry. So sometimes, you know, there's residual effect. And I just got, you know, I just don't want to be edgy. I can lose my job, screaming at an audience, losing my, losing it. But, you know, it. it's just hard you know it's like I stretch

stretching doesn't take energy I've been able to elongate my muscles I mean honestly it does feel good every day for people going oh brodie you're in good shape you're like you're a big guy Jesus so

I do enjoy going out and going to Starbucks and do you fart all the time no I guess he does every like four episodes like I guess you know you got to in the fucking, you gotta include it in the podcast.

Can you do the mic pick it up? Oh yeah. Oh, fuck it did I not. You have to replace that chair pretty soon. But you don't smell it. Yes, we do? No, you don't smell it. I haven't smelled it.

No, no, no. It's an air fart. I've been in the car with you with the windows up. It smells. I mean, like a little bit, but not right now. This is just a... Do you take fiber, cillium husk? Oh, please.

I do that. Every day? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. I take glute, glucam in. I take 100. You work out a lot, Brody. Does working out make you not shit?

Ever since I've been working out, I don't crap that much. I have to take fiber now. I don't think the work. I think taking fiber helps me, keeps me regular, and I feel like... I never have to do that, but I was like, Jesus Christ. What? The shape of your eyebrows. I'm fucked up, Joe. That's not fun.

What? The shape of the what? He gave me a huge edible. I gave him 35 milligrams of Chibu... Which is talking a lot. No. Oh, Chiba Chew's my... Are those popular? Yeah, they're the best. My friend is involved with him Nice. What does he do for them? I can't talk about it.

Sure you can't. We get them. We know the guy from marketing and shit. Which is his name? I have no idea. Why's no name? What are you on? He just shows up and shows him. Yeah, he just shows up a show with bags food. I haven't done edibles for a while ever. Should I do them? Oh, no.

Do some people do edibles every day? Like, wake up and do a little bit? Every day. I did him through Hanukkah. This fucking go-goods. I let the candle and then fucking didn't end up. Did you get paranoid at all with something? That's part of the fucking whole program. That's part of it. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. That's the whole thing, my brother. He gave it to me on Christmas Eve and I had to go to my in-laws house with their two little kids running around talking about video games. Yeah, I've only had one experience. I've done edibles and like only one time I felt like it did something for me. It was a brownie. I don't know what it was in it, but it was kind of like...

I got a cookie at that house, though. Do something to you? So what do you? I'm afraid to take it. Do I take it on a day? off, do I take it? Take it when life is around. People like this fucking goo-goo.

I'm trying to tell them you eat one and you go mingle. And you go live your life with people and get on the fucking exercise bike and shit. He don't do it. Do you ever go out and like smoke pot and then you'll let's say you take a hit or whatever? Then you go out to get coffee or whatever. Okay.

And you take a hit and then bad things happen. Do you know what I mean? Like what? Just like a car cutting you off or I always feel like sometimes when I'm high, it's like a yin-yang, it's like, okay, you get to be high but the drawback is you're going to pull

in some negative energy. I feel like sometimes Yeah. No, I don't think like way. But that's what happens. I'll smoke pot and I go, uh-oh, some negative. I'm not saying because of the pot, but it's bringing it pulls in some negativity. It pulls in comedy.

Oh, I don't disagree. I don't disagree with that. It looks like negative energy, but you got to, that's your opportunity. write a joke or write it out and you go, oh, that was a fucking, that was the, that was the universe throwing me a tidbit. Yeah. No, but you know, like,

you bad, oh, this guy's cut me off. Why am I behind this car? Oh, um, they messed up my, you're not complaining, but you're like looking for the negative. It's like a negative energy. Look at the shape of this fucking guy. How are you going to go home to Paul? Oh, it's going to be bad. I'm going to stop at subway. And do what? Get a sandwich. How much time is you on?

Joey. I got to run over the hill. Do your thing. Okay. I'll finish this without you. Thank you, guys. Positive push. You got any dates coming up?

No, I've been single for a while. No, fuck my comedy dates. You say I got a deal with? I will, I'm in town in L.A. I usually do the Comedy Store. I'm doing the improv tonight as well. You can see me at midnight doing audience warm up during the week, and then I'll be in Chicago for the Cubs Convention in January.

I'm also doing La Jolla in February, and got some, who knows what's going to pop up. But I gotta tell you something. Over the last couple years, you've become one of my favorites as a human being. I love you all my heart. Thank you very much for doing this. Lee. Thank you very much.

Ask me to ask you because he's Jewish and he loves you. Thank you, Lee. Thank you very much. I'll see you at the store. I'll be there. This weekend. Thank you. Thank you for coming in.

Take a water with you. I don't want you to be parched. You got it. May God bless you. Let me give some shout out to some beautiful fucking people. My main man, Bobby Sharon and his girlfriend, the official Chinaman from the official Chinaman from the, the fucking church.

Chung K. Kennedy. I love this motherfucker. Oscar Nunes, I didn't see him in Miami last time he hid from me, but I'll see you next time, Cucksucker. Shane Mills, Ricardo Perez. Congratulations on the job. Greg Powers and Lynn,

we love you. We fucking love you. One of the church people, you're the officials. My man Jay Bennett, Lady Ranakorn, Mbif, Swahili. I don't fucking know what your name is, Cocksucker. What's up there,

Lisa, how you feeling my little brother of death? All right. I'm good. I'm super hot. One more time, my main man, Brody Stevens. You're going to clap, or you're going to leave me like the one-on fucking soldier here, cock-sucker? Making up appearance tonight on the church of what's happening now. It's fucking New Year's week, cock-suckers. Make your resolution, set your goals for the new year, and what you want to do.

This is how you do it. A man without a plan. It's not a fucking man. It all starts this week right now. You should be looking at that notebook. Go to fucking CVS. By yourself. one subject notebook, go to the back

and write your goals out for the year what you want, how you're going to get there? And that's all we got. You know what I'm saying? Lisa, yeah, what's up with you, baby boy? I'm not, I feel you, buddy. I'm high. Is you ever next Christmas holiday? Yes. Yes, I did. I'm happy. Call it got me a PlayStation.

She did? Yeah. And did it get zapped? Yeah, didn't they? I didn't. I don't really play that much online, but yeah, I couldn't get on. You couldn't get on? No, but I... So this PlayStation, what does this mean? You're going to sit on your ass more?

Hell, yeah. This is what this means. And what games do you have? She got me Grand Theft Auto. I bought the UFC game. And her brother got me a couple of modern warfare games, I think. No shit. Yeah.

I've only played the Grand Theft Auto. I play for like a week. And then I kind of, I get bored a little bit. But I don't know, man. I'm fucked up. Good, good. What are your plans for the week, brother? You'll work out tomorrow.

Yeah, I got a workout. Not much. I don't know when we're doing the other one of these, and then we have Wednesday. I have a podcast Tuesday. I don't know. I just, I'm really interested to see we were talking about the interview. And I'm cutting cable, like, in the next two weeks because the last playoff game was today. And it's just interesting to see all the new stuff we can watch. And like with Iron Dragon TV, it's just, it's, it's, I'm kind of scared to cut cable, but it's kind of cool. I was telling Lee this weekend that we had a fucked up week this week with one of the cats. You know, last Monday I come home some nights and I like staying up late.

And I like staying up late. I take a notebook with me and I bring some weed in the living room and I make some coffee and I smoke a hit E-Sig, the cigar and I make notes. But I basically stay up past midnight because the cats come to life. And I watched them playing, especially Harry and Demi and Superbad. They fucking play rough at night, you know, and Dimmie, I mean, Harry and Superbad are always a fucking war. But Fidel's my oldest. Fidel's like 11 or 12 when he's my oldest.

And the other night, he got up and he usually, uh, Dimmie usually tortures him. Fidel could kill Dimmie on any given day of the week. Yeah. But he led to Dimmie fuck with him. And I saw Dimmie fuck on him. Like, Dimmy will smell him and then look at him. And in the meantime, he's telling him, like, go fuck himself. He smell like shit type shit, you know?

Yeah. I could see it. And you people at home are like, what the fuck are you sound? I'm saying, Joey. You know what I'm saying? The two cats staring at each other. And then, the other day, Fidel jumped on Dimmie and fucked him up, right? Yeah. And then he went after Harry. Fidel's not a bad soul. Fidel's not hitting you to beat you up. Fidel's just hitting you to stick up for himself. Fidel freaked me out. Like one of the first times I got to hire your house. You wanted to take a shower and he chased me around the coffee table because he just looks at you and meows at you. It's freaky. He's really pretty. He's really pretty. And he's really got.

got a good heart. So that happened Monday night. But I said to him Monday night, Fidel, stop it. And he came over and jumped and started with his meow because he loves to fucking meow you. So I hugged him there, and I was watching TV, and I was looking at his eyes, they're Amundee. And then Wednesday morning,

which was Christmas Eve morning or Christmas Day morning? Yeah. Christmas Eve? No, because we did a podcast Tuesday at Christmas Eve. Okay, well, whatever the fuck it was. Fuck all, I'm telling you. New Year's Eve is Wednesday. It was Christmas Eve.

Wednesday morning. So I got up and I opened the door and Fidel was by the gate, meowing. And I go, fucking Fidel, because it was like five during the morning. He's meowing loud by the babies. So I ran at him and I had those soft slippers and I threw the slipper, but not at him. I threw it at the gate to make him run. And then later on I went in there and I went to put food in a bowl, but there was food in the bowl. I go, that's weird that he was meowing and there was food in the bowl. You know, he usually meows because there's no fucking food in the bowl. Right.

So I went back out there, and I didn't take nothing of it. And Friday, I'm supposed to meet a friend of mine. And my wife comes in, and she goes, listen, man, Fidel's not looking good. Have you looked at him? And I go, no, not really. And she goes, well, look at him. Come on out. I look at him.

He's just a bag of fucking bones. And I'm sitting there. Oh, my God. What do you want to do? She goes, let me call the vet and see if they'll take him. It's Friday after Christmas. I don't think the vet's open, so she fucking called him. And they took him and they went in.

He says his numbers were low. But I did something. We gave him shrimp and crab, and he wouldn't eat it. He just wouldn't eat it. That's the first motherfucker. Let me tell you something. If you open up the thing, when you open up the refrigerator, Fidel will come up to your meow at you.

No matter what you have, you didn't even think of getting something out of the refrigerator. And he's already meowing at you. So I'm pulling the fucking salami and the cheese out, whatever. He's not meowing. So I know something's up. Then my wife goes, let me test this motherfucker. She makes crab and shrimp. And he's not fucking reacting.

So finally Friday at Pierre de la resistance was I opened the door. He's usually the first cat outside when I open the door. He wouldn't even come to the fucking door. He popped his head up and thought about it. So my wife took him to the vet and the numbers were low. So I keep him over Saturday night for observation. But I said, no, bring him home. We'll keep him over here.

And see if he does a little better. morning he wasn't better so he took him to the hospital and his numbers were real low and his kidney shut down on him so they said he's 50-50 he ate a little bit tonight but this morning it really hit me because i was upset yesterday morning i had to go do a podcast from mick and when i got back i was very upset because i had felt that i didn't say goodbye to him you know and for my wife to leave him then i was a little mad at my wife but i didn't say nothing i just played it off but yesterday i think I digested it. Like I said to myself, you know what?

He's 11, 12. He's been here long enough. I get it. You know, if he doesn't come back, I'll go say my goodbyes and I tell him I love him and stuff. But this morning I got up and there's my wife's birthday. And we were fucking around the morning with the baby, giggling and she disappeared for a while.

And I went to the bedroom and as I came out, she had a face away from me. And when I went up to her she was bawling. And I go, what's up? And she goes, I don't think it's her birthday, you know? She goes, I don't think Fidel's going to come back. And it was just a bad morning. You know, I went and got her a Carvel cake and some other shit for her birthday.

It's fucked up when a pet dies. You know, now when I came here, they went to the vet. My baby and her went to the vet to say good night to him, whatever. And then we're going to, but his numbers were getting better. Oh, good. How long do cats live? 20, 22. But this happens to 70% of cats.

or something. It happens when a cat is nine years old. I don't know what the numbers my wife was telling me. Listen, man, we've always felt fed Fidel well. We've always taken good care of. He's a big cat. A lot of love. He's a big cat.

I have fat cats. He's a healthy cat. He's a big cat, you know. So who knows what happens. I feel bad for my wife. I mean, like I said, I'm going to miss the fucking cat through one way or the other. You know, even if he comes back and he's only going to last, you know. Who knows?

I mean, all those cats are going to go eventually the same way you and I ain't going to fucking go. So it's just really sad. It has to go this time of the year. But, you know, worst things could happen, whatever. So I'm not a... No, but it's sad. I mean, it fuck me up with my dog got it and still it fucks my mom up and it's just, we get so

attached to them. I don't talk about it on the podcast as much as I should. We should bring in like a cat specialist in time to time and a dog specialist. Because we do know a lot about people that have animals. You know, we know a lot of people who have animals. I'm sorry. And we need to bring in like a psychiatrist to talk about or somebody who specializes in people who lose a pet

and really get affected by it. I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm one of these guys. I'm not going to be able to do stand-up. I'm going to get depressed. But I like my cats. I really fucking do, man. I enjoy them the same way if I had an dog or a bat or a bird or a pigeon. Whatever the fuck you, you know, any animal you can keep at the house,

I'm sure I would love them. At this point in my life, it's these fucking cats, you know, so it's just a... How old are your cats? Your cats aren't young, right? You have a lot of older cats? They're from 7 to 13 or something, 7 to 12, you know? Cissy's older than Fidel.

That's the only one. Under that, they're all nine. Nine to seven, you know? So, yeah, there's going to come a time when... But I've done the best with them. You know, the longevity on the street is three years. Yeah. Not even.

You didn't go to a shelter, you... No, I rescued them from the yard. I took them right from the yard up to my house as kittens. You know, so I know everything about them. Those three, the feel is three, Superbad, Lulu, and Evie. I know them since day one. I know them when they were fucking balls. I used to bring food to them.

They couldn't see me. I'd see the mother feeding them, and I'd leave food for the mother. That's how long I know those three motherfuckers. And Harry and Demi, I know those two motherfuckers since day one. And the girl I had, the chubby girl, the real pretty one, I know her since she was a kitten in the bush. I remember pulling the bush one day and seeing her. She was so scared. And I pet her, and I would pet her and pet her.

And every time she let me pet her, that whole group that she belonged to, she was the only one that would let me pet her because she knew me. And then my wife brought her up sick, so she became my cat. That's the truth, man. I know those cats since fucking day one. I went away to shoot a movie And she got Fidel Wasn't the long as sure It was something before that

Like you got nothing Or some movie that I had to go away for Or a commercial I did something that I had to go away for I remember calling me And telling me you know that Pretty cat I got him upstairs

I want to name him Fidel What do you think? He's a big boy and shit So I just feel bad for my wife Let me give some shoutouts to the sponsor We'll get the fuck out of here All right As usual on it.com

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In fact, I've got to go home and write some resolutions myself. You know what I'm saying? I've already wrote out my goals of what I want for next year. But one thing you want to do is get healthy. Stop smoking cigarettes. You know they fuck you up. Do bomb hits with fucking snow and ice cubes in it. Whatever you need, you need to get off cigarettes.

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Thank you. I'm going to be at the Ice House for New Year's. It's a combination stand-up show. I'm going to do like 30, 35, whatever the fuck minutes. And then Lee and I are going to do a podcast a year fucking review. I'm going to make Lee start writing this motherfucker tonight while he's high on that fucking 35 milligram. Chima Choo.

Also, Buffalo, New York. Buffy, get your motherfucking Wick sandwich is ready. Uncle Joey's coming up. Beef on Wick. January 22nd. Columbus, Ohio. I'll be there fucking at the Funny Bone. Super Bowl fucking weekend. How do you like me now, Lee? I love it. That's why I love you too.

Everything all right? I'm fucked up. How was your year, man? In retrospect. You had a great year. You didn't fucking work. You didn't go to Santa Monica one fucking time. Amazing. You lost 80 pounds. That's cool.

You slung some good dick with this little Mexican chick. You're in with the mom. You brought your mother-ma here. Shit's happening. Yeah. I'm proud of you. You're a fucking savage. Thank you.

And that's how we do it because you're a church member. And you're attaining to the fucking rules of the church. Like stuff. Except this macaroon class. That was good. How is your year? My year was good. The baby's healthy.

Is that all you think about now, like, in terms of her? Yes. You can, you know, how can I give a fuck about some jet going down? I mean, I sympathize. That can be my daughter on there. You know what I'm saying? I have a baby at the house. Everything got cut in half.

I see everything for what the fuck it is now. I don't know why. You know, I saw for what it was before. But now I see a little more. Now you should have less time to care about it. Yeah, now I'm more. This is what I want to do. I really want to put this book together.

I really want to shoot a fucking little Puerto Rican special next year for the people, whether I put it out online or through a network. I want to lose 100 pounds. I want my blood pressure to go down. I want my relationship to get better at home. I want my relationship to get stronger. My daughter, I wish to find the strength to forgive my ex-wife so I could call my other daughter and apologize for my behavior because I'm still very angry.

I thought about that. But beside that, I really... Everything else has been in order for me. I want to become a better stand-up comic. And I want to become a better person. I want to work on my character a little bit. Sometimes my anger level, sometimes I bust your balls too much. But besides that, I'm all right.

I'm not guilty about the edibles. Because if I didn't give you fucking edibles and make you walk on the wall side, you would not even consider doing it. That's true. You'd go to skinny kitchen, go on the fucking, on the fucking thing and go home and... Watch ESPN.

And he watched ESPN. And that's it. And I can't have this. You're 26 years old. I wish I was 26 again. I wish I could switch with you. You should live like you're 51. And I should live like a 26 year old.

I'll teach you how to live like a 26 year old. Mugging motherfuckers, jumping out of planes and shit, doing drugs, staying in shape, whatever. I love you guys. I don't know when I'll see you again. Maybe Tuesday, maybe tomorrow night. We have no fucking idea. But we'll definitely see it at the Ice House. Wednesday night, 8 p.m. sharp, because it's a 10 o'clock show.

So I'm going to get you out of there by 10 fucking 15. So you go home and eat your wife's ass. and eat some hummus, whatever the fuck you do. All right. Stay black. Have a great Monday. I love you. Thank you for Brody Stevens for coming on.

One more time, my main man, Lisa. And then for your dates and all your stuff, it's Joey Diaz.net. That's right. And mine's Lisa.com. That's right. Go to honor.com and use code. Church to get 10% off of all the great supplements. Go to Iron Dragon TV.

And use code word Joey to get two free rentals on their new Roku channel with all the great martial arts movies. Go to NaileditLife.com and use code word Joey Diaz to get 20% off of the premier vapor pen for oil and wax smokers. And lastly, go to hit e-sigs.com and use code word joey's church to get 20% off of great vapor pens, better tasting, longer lasting, that proof is in the vape e-cigarettes and e-cigars. Oh shit, what do you want to close with? Biggie. Which one? I love it when you call me Big Papa.

allow me to lace these biblical dushes in your bushes Who rock grooves and make moves with all the mommy The back of the club sipping my witness where you find me The back of the club Macin' holes my crews behind me Mad question asking blunt assing music blasting But I just can't quit because one of these homies Biggie got to creep with sleep with keep the epic secret Why not? Why blow up my spot?

Because we both got hot, now check it I got more Mac than Craig and in the bed Believe me sweetie I got enough to feed the knee no need to be greedy i got mad friends with benzies see notes by the layers true fucking players jump in the rover and come over tell your friends jump in the gm3 i got the chronic by the trees throw your hands in the air if you're a true player i love the when you call me big popper to the honeies getting money playing niggas like dummies oh i love the what you call me big pop You gotta come up in your waist, please don't shoot up the place

Cause I see some ladies tonight that should be having my baby Baby, baby Straight up honey, really I'm asking Most of these niggins think they be macin, but they be acting Who they attract them with that line, what's your name, what's your sign? Soon as he buy that wine, I just creep up from behind And actually what your interests are, who you be with, things to make you smile, what numbers to dial,

You gonna be here for a while, I'm gonna call my crew, You gonna call your crew, We can rendezvous at the bar around two Plans to leave throw the keys the little seas Pull the truck up front and roll up the next block So we can steam on the way to the telly Go fill my belly A T-bone steak cheese eggs and welsh is great

Conversate for a few Cause in a few we gonna do what we came to do Ain't that right boo Forget the telly we just go to the crib And watch a movie in the jacuzzi smoke ls while you do it I love that when you go me Big Popper Throw your hands in the hayah

If you're a true player To the honey's getting money Playing niggas like dumies You gotta come up in your waist Please don't shoot up to place Because I see some ladies tonight That should be having my baby Baby, baby

How you living big he small Imagine in beds is giving ends To my friends And it feels stupidest Tremendous cream Fuck a dollar and a dream Still tokeats, strapped with infrared beans Chopin'O's

Lock and line optimos, money holes and clothes, all a nigger knows. A foolish pleasure, whatever, I had to find the very treasure. So grams, I had to measure. However, living better now, coochie sweater now, drop top liams, I'm the mad girlfriend. Honey, check it, check. Tell your friends to get with my friend. We could be friends. Shit, we can do this every weekend.

That's right. Is that all right with you? Yeah. Keep banging Throw your hands in the air If you're a true player I love the one you call me big pop Fuck

To the honey's getting money Playing knickers like jumbies You got to come up in your waist Please don't shoot up the place Because I see some ladies tonight That should be having my baby Baby Oh

Checking that I'm bullshit