The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #244 - Joey Diaz, Lee Syatt, and Listener Call's

Episode Date: December 31, 2014

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio followed by the first ever call's from listeners. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. Wed. January 7th at 2pm. Visit NanoTech's booth at CES to meet UFC Star Tim Kennedy. Their booth number is 15423 Recorded live on 12/30/2014.Music:Aint Nothin To Fucki With - Wu Tang Clan Feat. Rage Against The MachineDeath By Misadventure - Ted Nugent

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7th at 2 p.m. Is that it? That's it. Let's do this shit, cock suckers. It's Wednesday, Tuesday night. The last podcast of the year legally on paper. Here you go, motherfuckers.

We're going to do a special calling. Oh shit. You better break out that bun. You better pull that fucking skin back and clean the helmet. You better lose for your asshole. The church show was happening now on a Tuesday. It's a new year. 2015.

Wash your pussy. Clean your toes. You're going to be a bad motherfucker neck. What? Lysayat in the motherfucking house. What's up, baby? I'm already fucked up. That's right.

He's supposed to be fucked up. The rule is. If you ain't high by 2 o'clock, go fuck yourself. You don't even get high until 8 o'clock at night. I don't say nothing to you because you're family, and I like you. You say a lot. You say all day. It doesn't stop with what you're saying.

I don't say nothing to you. I make believe, like, I don't know. I turn my cheek because I love you. You never turn your cheek. You should be getting up in the morning doing two, three bong hits and starting your day. You're a fucking techie guy. You can be thinking of plans out of taking over, fucking Israel. That's not what I think of, but I'm high.

What the fuck do you think about? How Cheetos are delicious. Oh, disgusting. How donuts are great. On Sunday night, Paula saved me. Like, this is how I know she's cool. I got home, I was fucked up. You ate the Subway sandwich?

I had a Subway sandwich. How bad was it? Oh. I ate a Subway because I made a tricky club. What do you hate? Because you use that Subway bacon. Have you looked at that fucking Subway bacon? Yeah.

It's not the best bacon. It's not the best bacon. It's not the best bacon. It's not even fucking bacon. It's somebody's French poodle. Look at it. The meat looks like it's already been to look like bacon. That scares me.

They take it and it's got a coating on it. They throw in the microwave and they heated up for you. That can't be good for you. No, it's not great. But, I mean, I was, Subway. But anyways, I got home, we ate that. And she just looked at me and she wasn't even fucked up. Now was the bacon, turkey bacon too?

No. It's real bacon. They don't make turkey bacon in some way. Or at least I don't know. You say everything at Subway's baked. All the co-cuts are turkey-based. I don't know about that. That's what.

I believe you, but I... When you go to fucking subway, do you see a sign for Thulman's or quality co-cuts? They don't even mention it. Because they're all turkey products. All the meat, the pastrami is really turkey. The ham is really turkey. That's fucked up, then.

That's what I've been saying. That's why it's so low in caloric intake. Why, I think when you go there, it's 500. When you go get an Italian at fucking Jersey Mikes, it's 14,000 fucking calories. Oh, that's true. Because salami capacool, that whole fucking patois put together. Even the provolone cheese is made out of fucking turkey or subway.

Well, you know what's not made out of turkey? What? Yum Yum donuts. That's where she said. She just looked at me at like 11 p.m. And she was like, do you want some donuts? Yum yum donuts? A couple days off.

When I moved to the valley, when I moved to the valley, I was 273 pounds. No way. Had you already done weight watchers? Yeah. Oh, okay. And I would walk around. And one day, boom, I bumped into Yum Yum donuts. And I went in there and had a coconut fucking donut over chocolate.

And I tasted and I was done. Me and Terry were going in there every fucking night, eating two or three of them. Then we started bring them to Felicia's. We were eating at fucking podcast. And, you know, we were throwing down a dozen. Oh, that's not hard to do. Because what the problem is when you walk into the Yum Yum, if you get six of them, you might as well get a dozen because for another dollar, they give you six fucking dollars.

For another dollar? And then I've never been in there and had them not give me a free one. They gave us a thing. Let me tell you something. They don't speak English, but they're the nicest fucking people in Los Angeles. If you're ever in the Valley, I think they have, well, I had the Yum Yum Donuts in Gayville. You know what the transvestites hang out? Santa Monica and Vine?

Yeah. Right there. They hang out in front of the Yum Yum Don, and I had one in there one day. Not there. There's one on Lancashem. Yep. Across from Subway, it's disgusting. Oh, really?

The one across from the subway? Yeah. It's disgusting. They piss outside and shit. Oh, yeah, that's homeless people. But the one over there is pretty cool. thought of doing an open mic at that one you should a fucking open mic on Tuesdays 15 people you sold out like if you get 15 if you get 18 people the fire

marshal comes hey we got everyone get the donut everybody gets a donut that's what it's so listen in boston they started that comedy at the Chinese restaurant yeah I love all that stuff I love that different aspect of comedy that you could do yeah you can be at a comedy club or you could be at a jazz bar or you could be it that's what I do like about fucking stand-up comedy that you could do it fucking anyway you know a trans act. It is pretty cool. I've been going down to the store with you

like once or twice a week usually. And I was telling you last night how my favorite part of you going up now is like the little add-ins that will never be in the show again and it makes you laugh. If you guys ever go to one of Joey's shows

and you see him laughing and not being able to like continue with a joke, that's the stuff that gets me because like the rest of the audience is busy laughing at the punchline. and you'll like slide something small in. Like yesterday you did like 20 seconds and where the rain dance go.

You would have to put a rain dance. 20 years ago there was no droughts because you called four Indians. They showed up. Everybody started hooping and hollering. 20 minutes later, you had fucking hail, snowstorms and shit. But the fucking Indian got pissed off.

He don't want to do rain dance no more. You said last night you said, why did you go put smallpox in their blankets? They did. They had to put smallpox in Indians' blankets. That's the truth. The fucking white man did. that.

I said something about the black people and a bowl when I sit next to the black guy with... Yeah, you said do you think

a guy with the bowl ever walks and he just says fuck it I'm going to cop and somebody and just like doesn't go to quarantine.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's it, guys. It's 2014. You really got to think about

what did you fucking do this year? Like, that's all I've been thinking about the last two weeks. Like, what did I really do this year? Yeah, I crack some jokes

with you guys. I, I put out of the CD that was mediocre. I thought it wasn't as good as the one two years ago. You know, you do a few movies, you lose some way, you gain some weight, you got some goals that you were going for maybe, you know. I was thinking of my today how I haven't been going to Jiu-Jitsu lately. Oh, really? I got the vertigo.

Yeah, I've been doing, I go down there. I go down to the academy. Oh, yeah, I know that. But I do like the classes. I do like the drills and the fucking, the tune-up class they have. They fucking kills. You know, they do all that shit with balls and stuff and fucking flying through the air.

So, and there's been really no jiu-jitism. There's been nobody in the morning class. Everybody's out of town. There's always been one guy in Higin. So I just said, you know what, I don't have a babysitter, the last, uh, I let my subscription run out of V-Mac because I never went anymore.

You know, John Evan left in the daytime. They went to Nogi in the daytime now. The night classes, I'm with you on Monday and Wednesday. You know, I can't make the night classes. And then 90% of the time I'm out of fucking town on Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So I'm just not so I don't know what I'm going to do after the new year. But I've been working out. You know, I've been working out.

I've been sticking to my diet. Today I've kettlebell. I've been cutting back. I've been doing less. I've been experimenting a lot just because of the pain in my knee. What did you do? Because I just, I was looking at pictures. I was trying to do something.

And you got like, what do you think, like 30 pounds skinnier than you are now? Yeah. Whenever I've lost weight and then put it back on, I always put it all back on plus 15 pounds. How did you stop putting weight back on? Because usually people don't do that. You have to lose it again. I was 418, and the menu that I was eating was absurd. Right.

You know, I'm not drinking soda no more. I drink green tea of this every wild day, every six day, I'll drink a cold zero. You know, last night I drank a mountain dew a diet. It was fucking delicious on the way down to the comedy store because my wife had something done to her teeth so she couldn't get, she couldn't drink coffee so she could only drink Mountain Dew and the morning through a straw.

So that's why I went in together at Mountain Dew. And I said the diet Mountain Dew was zero calories and I got one because I don't drink fucking Mountain Dew ever. Right. You know, it's been a lot I cut back on. I cut. I didn't gain the weight because I didn't go to eating how I was eating. That's why I didn't gain the weight back.

There's no way I could go back. Did you make a conscious decision? Did you notice yourself getting weight? I can't go all the way back? I went all the way up when I was in the testosterone. I went all the way up to 330. Oh, okay. And that was horrible.

I could feel it. I could feel it on me. But it wasn't, I was hungry. And the edibles were making me eat at night. I wasn't counting my points. And that my fitness plan keeps me in the neighborhood. Right. In the back of you head, it makes you liable for everything.

So that's helped. Have I lost 55 pounds? No. But I know the workouts that I'm doing. I'm cutting some fat. I know that my pants, I could pull the thing. I haven't weighed myself because I don't trust the scale at the house. And when I go to the YMCA tomorrow or Friday, I'll wait myself, you know.

But no, I like what I'm doing now because of the knee. Like last week I rode the bike for 45 minutes and I did a kettlebell workout. I couldn't walk for three days. It defeated the purpose. It was the law diminishing returns. So this week I just did the bike for 45 minutes. And then today I just did the kettlebell worker. And that's it.

I did some stretching. I did some sit-ups and some fucking parrish. shootings and all that shit and that was it. So I'm experimenting, you know. I'm not 22 no more, so different shit works. But that's what you look at these last two weeks. You sit there and you think about what the fuck if I do this year. I go back to school. How are my grades?

How was my future looking? You know, I mean, did you think about any of this shit? Yeah, I thought about because you asked me the last podcast, like something about what happened this year. And it's been a crazy year for me. And it's been just personally, like just thinking about I like If I didn't write a Facebook message on your wall

Four years ago This year I probably would have been in Boston But even if I still somehow was still out here I'd be stuck in a In a small little cubicle office For 10 hours a day Driving an hour back and forth to Santa Monica And I got to go to Austin

I went to Tempe I got to see some really cool I got to go to RIS TV taping twice I got to be being all these really cool conversations. I got to meet Toking Lair, who was one of the coolest dudes ever? I went to my first UFC, which was, I was fucked up, but it was a lot of fun.

It's been a fun year. It's, it's, uh, November was a year for me not having a full-time day job, and that was crazy. Fuck, it's going to win you. Yeah, it's really, the weather's going to be bad in Los Angeles. No, it's, it's been crazy. You judge, and you started your diet, you started your working out, which that's going to save your life.

You know, it's going to save your life. your knees, your feet. You'll cut you a couple of years on diabetes, God forbid. Oh, I was talking about that with Paula and her mom. If I got diabetes, I think I might die because I don't think I could do the needles. Do you think you could? You don't have to do needles because you get diabetes and there's diabetes type 2 diabetes, which is the most popular one. Yeah, but isn't all of it, you have to put insulin in your...

No, that's controlled by a pill, depending on where you're at and dieting and exercising. Well, I still don't want it, but I just... Drinking water. I've seen people have to do, like, to prick their fingers and have to do the insulin into like the liver or something down there. Yeah. Fuck, I don't think I could do that. That's why I have to exercise all the time

because I'm avoiding that. You know, when you lift the weights, you cut back on the osteoporosis. You know, I'm leaving it on the other side now. What's, I've been listening to some of the old podcast that we've been. Some in January, some in the old office, which were a disaster. And I noticed that there's a, you know, you're 26 years old. I'm 51 years old, you know.

It could be double. with your age, you know, and it's, uh, I'm happy that you're here and I'm happy that there's guys that listen to your age because I don't sit here and talk about my successes. I talk about a lot of mistakes that I made, you know, and you guys learn from my mistakes or you don't, you know, we laugh, you know, we kidnap vellum, we called them and I apologize, we laugh, and it's not funny, and I don't want it to be funny for you guys, you know, I don't want you guys to giggle them, I'm thinking of kidnapping the neighbor. Well, you can't kidnap the fucking neighbor because it's not funny

but uh it's my stick yeah i want people to learn from these mistakes and and it's been done and what you on the show it makes me young like i listen to you and i talk to you and i hear about netflix and all this shit you talk about and fucking rokey rocool whatever the fuck it is real cool but it's uh i can't i don't know i'm very happy that i do this podcast because i know a lot of people

listen to it and they take tidbits and they apply it because they know I fucked up and this is what you do. It is really cool. It's really cool when people will come up to you or me when I'm at a show or even on email and just say like because of this I did that or and if that's true for even one person that's pretty cool. Like that that helped that I didn't even want to be a part of that's pretty cool. I fell asleep at 3 in the morning last night thinking about our conversation. That was a crazy conversation last night. Like I was getting scared. Like I'd have to go outside and smoke every 35 minutes because I was getting, I was so high from the edible, but I was thinking

about this story I was telling, you know, at the age of 28, which a lot of you guys that listen to this are, or 29, I didn't have a future. There was no way, Lee. Like there was no way. Like, there was no way. Like, I was just living day to day. I didn't know what was going to happen. And Lee, I didn't care because I couldn't control it. Are you with me? Like, I just couldn't control my days no more. You know, I was talking to Lee last night. I don't know how he got on it about me being the halfway house.

Yeah. And when they took me from the prison to the halfway house, like, it took two hours to snap into the old me. Like, there was no, like, I already had a fucking agenda when I got out. I had two agendas. I had the agenda I told the Gentiles and people who cared about me, and it was the agenda that I had in my fucking heart. that I was going to go right back

and buy some fucking blow and sell some blow to get on my feet you know I didn't know any other way you know I was telling Lee that In a halfway house you were selling the blow Outside of it to regular people Not even just halfway house people I had a scale in the ceiling

And I'd bring the coke in it And I'd hide in the whole way behind Like the fire extinguishes On to the radiators You didn't think anyone was going to steal it? No nobody They didn't have cameras in all ways I didn't mean them

find it. I meant like another addict find it. No, no. They would think it's in my possession. I never had it in my fucking possession just in case somebody ratted me out. Okay. So if you came to me and said, I need a gram right now, I wouldn't sell it to you.

I'd say, I got to make a call and go get it and have the guy deliver it. Meanwhile, you were standing three feet from it. In the hallway while we were talking. I'd say, go to your room. I'll knock on your door. Give me the money.

You give me the money. And then I take that money and give it to my roommate or something. I'd go down to my car and put it in the car or something. I'd make sure it didn't have any marks on it, just in case they marked it with blue ink or something. You have people try to do that to you? No, but why not be fucking careful? You have to be careful.

Because that's to buy money. And then I would get the Coke and hide it somewhere and tell them to go get it. That's how crazy I was. It's on top of that window. Did you have to use different spots? So like all your customers wouldn't just see you see? Yeah, I used different spots with different people. There wouldn't be people in the hallway when I was cutting my deals in the halfway house.

Okay. But like let's say I got to the halfway house Tuesday at 1. Then they release you. You have orientation for three or four days and they release you a couple hours every day. It took like two days just for me to get the scale in and the fucking cocaine. And I was already snorting. I was loan sharking money to fucking people. Getting your dick sucked in the hallway.

In the fucking hallway. They would have sent you to prison for it. You told me last night. Yes. And you were just like, fuck it. The girl's name was Patrice Twining. She was in Detroit, Michigan. Crazy as fuck she was.

She was in there. And there was a white girl. I forgot what her name was. And she was in there for counterfeit money. And writing checks. Like large, some's a check. If I told you that this girl did that, you look at me and say,

Joey, you're out of your mind. She was like a fucking genius She was like a white genius This girl That didn't have glasses She had a beautiful face And a beautiful body And she was professional as shit

She just knew how to scam the fucking system She had been doing it for years She showed me her rap sheet She told me how much money She made where she lived This chick was a fucking savage She talked to me about Conifent money

I was sitting there like Unreal It was like talking to a man Only she was a woman Who taught? Did she teach herself Or did her father do it? I never got that deep of her. She just something, she picked up from a boyfriend or something,

and just loved doing it. And she knew whether by paper and who the apprentice were. And you fucked her too? No, we fooled around and shit. You know, listen, man, that's what you're doing there. You're confused. You're stupid. I had just been, listen, I would have never.

If I know what I know now, I wouldn't even have spoken to the women in there. Why? Because what was the use, you know? What was the use? You know they're going to end up in trouble somewhere or another. One girl, Patrice Twining, was dating a guy I did time with. Like, he was in the system. She was in love with him.

They met in the halfway house. They were in love with each other writing letters. But you would suck your dick in the hallway? She took everybody's dick. Lee, would you stop with that already? No, because you didn't describe it well. What? I'm not crime stopping.

I'm, like, impressed. What? It's like, okay, go down, like, a college dorm room. Like, that hallway? That's what I imagine. I don't know if that's right or not. This place was called. BCTC. Let's say I had 60 guys

that had maybe 10 women. And at that time, like five of the 10 women were pretty fucking hot. And they had a couple security guards in the front, like two or three guys. And on every floor there was an office with a counselor. But they weren't watching you. There was no cameras. There was nothing.

A lot of people were doing fucked up shit in that. I just didn't know what their world was. And I kept my world out of there. But my point with you last night was that I didn't give a fuck. Like, I sit here now and think like how I didn't give a fuck. I had no disregard.

I went right in there and went right into all my old tricks. For example, you have to, when you leave, you have to sign out to where you're going. So let's say tonight, I was in the halfway house. I'm going to the commonsign. I got to put 84, 33 Sunset Boulevard. The phone number, 626, 65, whatever fuck it is. So people call me there. If they called and said, is Joe Diaz there?

Yeah, let him talk to him. How are you doing? Oh, you're there? All right? Just doing it. right as soon as I went in there I told him I was a car detailer and that so they gave me a pager so they would call the pager instead of calling me on a location so I could tell him I was at least I is out to meanwhile I was in fucking San Diego like that's how corrupt I wasn't there like the

movie Goodfellas came out when I was in there I still remember leaving going to smoke a little pot because I would smoke a little pot every week it'd stay under the level I had a little garage, I rented for 35 bucks and I'd go in there and jump rope and hit the bag at night and lift weights. So I sweat it all out. So I would go to the garage and in the garage there was a fucking joint that was skinny. I would go in the garage, light it and just go and turn it out. And just at that time, I made myself get high in that little bit of pot. And I would go to movies, I eat Chinese food and I went to see Goodfellas there when I was in the halfway house. Three hours in the movie theater. They thought it was somewhere detailing cars. I mean, I scanned

him at every level. Look at my face. I'm not sitting here proud of this. I'm sitting here going I'm ashamed of this. You know, I got caught with a UA, a hot, urinalysis for cocaine. And then I got home last night to talk to you about all this cocation, that thing about Tapia was on on HBO, the documentary about this boxer who just couldn't stop doing coke and getting strokes or ODIN or something. He died twice and they brought him back to life. I got so fucking depressed after I told you about that and the... But the point of the story last night wasn't about

your drug use. Your point of the story was making money for your daughter. Well, it really wasn't about making money for my daughter. There was no daughter. It was making money for a chick that was pregnant and we were getting married. But that was in April. This is... I got out in February.

I got out like February 4th. I went right to work. On February 6th, I was already wheeling and fucking dealing. already wheeling, fucking dealing. So, you know, you do orientation. I think you could stay out till 9. Once you get to level 2, you could stay out till 10.30. Level 3 is like 11, and level 4 is midnight,

and you have the weekends at your family's house. I got myself all the way to level 4, and I was dealing blowing that way out. You know how fucking embarrassment is? I had furloughs. I had to go up to my in-laws house. The girl I was dating, I had to stay with them. You have to stay with somebody who doesn't have to.

warrant. And I would stay with them. Friday, Saturday, they call. They go up there and check me out. As soon as you walked in from a furlough, they peed you. So you couldn't fuck around on your furloughs at all. But I was already level four when I scanned them. I was telling Lee a story about how I went to work. I knocked up some woman and I fucking had a marry her. And I didn't know anything about anything. Mitsubishi, not the Galant. Eclipse was very popular. And we were selling Eclipse at fucking sticker price at MSRP people calling from Montana Wyoming hey do you have this yeah we'll write your check or send uh give you an American Express card over the phone or 10 000 dollar deposit it was fucking craziness so if you sold 10 of those cars you made like five or

six thousand dollars a month because they're like a seven hundred dollar commission if you sold for MSRP plus you're sold financing and the fucking scratch and datch so here I am you know 2088 I'm probably, yeah, I'm 26 years old, because it's 89. I'm 26 years old. Yeah, I'm your age. She's pregnant. I'm about to get married. And I'm not, I'm just stealing with two fucking hands.

Like everything I got my hands on. And when I say stealing, I wasn't really stealing, but I was loan sharking money at the halfway house, selling blow. Then I was selling Mitsubishi. Then she told me she was. was knocked up. And instead of working my shift on a couple hours a day, I would work fucking nine to nine every day. And I started making like eight to ten grand a month there. You know, I cut down on the snort and coke because I gave my hot U.A. So I cut down on the snort and coke.

So I was just selling Coke, so I was actually making a fucking profit. So I was making a profit on all my fucking avenues. And at the end of the summer, right before the, like, a little, I kept giving her money for the wedding like $7,500, $7,000. And I gave it like $10,000, because you have to doing like increments, they have to put deposits down for certain things. I was telling me that I gave it like 30 fucking grand, and it destroyed me. Like it fucking destroyed me. Like I didn't have any money at all, guys. I had just come out of prison.

I maybe had maybe $800. I don't even know what the fuck I had. And I just went to work, guys. Sometimes you go to fucking work. You black out everything else out. I was working nine to nine, six days a week. working out, walking a dog twice a day. You said you ran in the morning.

Ran in the mornings. I was snorting coke. I used to run along Boulder Reservoir in the morning, Boulder Creek. Yeah, you could see like 170 or something. Yeah. You were skinny. No, I was about... When I got out of the prison, I was probably walking around around $2.25.

Okay. Still? No, I was in good shape. I was running. I was lifting weights. I was selling cars. I was taking care of myself. I would go to the harvest every morning.

I'd eat Swiss granola breakfasts. But I was such... a fucking scam artist. I was such a fucking piece of shit. And I'd gone like three months without doing a fucking line of blow. I was getting, and I was selling, fucking, I was selling blow, and I was stealing blow

from one dude, and I was selling it. I would go to his house when he left, and I would clip like an eight ball, a half ounce here. I mean, guys, I'm telling you, I was a fucking beast. And it was like two weeks before the wedding. and my curfew was midnight and they let us out of a Mitsubishi place at 9 and I think I had like an ounce of coke on me

I was taken back to the halfway house because it was Friday night to sell and I probably had two grand cash on me something fucking ridiculous and my friend's like oh we're going to go to the strip club and we went to one or two strip clubs and I didn't like them

and I stumbled into this nude one that was B-Y-O-B now guys I'm not a strip club guy I've never been a strip club guy. I was killing three hours. Who knows if I was horny? I don't fucking know. I was a cokehead.

I always had dead dick. I wasn't interested. Once I had two lines of coke in me, I wasn't interested in women. But I walked into the strip club, and I saw this Korean girl. I was telling me, this could have been the fucking interview.

And I went right up to him. And I said, I want to want a private dance. And I thought the third dance. I said, listen, it's all. I want to eat your ass. I want to eat your pussy. What's it going to take? and she said, just throw me hundreds

We're going to the private room And I had this bitch with her fucking thumb Off with her legs up in the air It was ridiculous I was putting coke on the pussy We were both doing coke I went off the fucking wagon When I got back to the halfway house

I had Zelcho Dore Me Zelcho You spent two grand Two grand I just gave it to the pussy Was so good I just ate her fingered her She broke out condoms

I had dead dick It was embarrassing But I didn't give a fuck I remember leaving there and I was so horned up and I jerked off in the car after I messed around with it. That's how disgusting I was.

And I got in the car and I drove back to Boulder and I remember pulling up and bowled this specific night and getting on my car and the Invix were out there windows going yeah because I was bringing the block

and I remember walking through signing in, walking through going upstairs and fucking you know bringing bloodies invix and shit and somebody ratted us out.

They tested all of us but they didn't test me and some other guy. So everybody was suspicious that it was me or some other guy that ran him to the fuck out. Okay. And that kid called him

to the podcast when we told the story. Alexander Rhea. Yeah. He was my roommate at the halfway house. That's crazy. That's, I couldn't even imagine.

Like when you were going through and like going all the stuff you were doing, you said that guy, that Coke dealer would just leave his back door unlocked. He'd do it like once a week. Oh my God.

This guy, It was like a medium type friend. I knew him through friends or friend. He was kind of a goofball. He was like from the Midwest, and he was trying to sell Coke to make a living. But he was paranoid to put it in his house, so he'd leave it in like a back shed. Like out in the open, I met two people who did that. They were scared to have in the house.

So when they're high and when they were drunk, they put like a rock on top of it. And somebody with a good eye would fucking see that shit, you know. So I would take Coke from him I would sell that at the halfway house I was just a one man wrecking fucking crew And I ended up getting married I snorted blow on the honeymoon

And I didn't stop snorting blowing They got me with another UA And they put me back in the fucking halfway house December 1st And I didn't get out until February 2nd And my daughter was born February 3rd Fuck I was that one for you

And I probably started doing code February 6th. That's how crazy. Three days off. That's a halfway house thing. So not everyone who goes to jail goes to a halfway house. It depends, I think, what type of crime you have. Like if it's a nonviolent crime, drugs, shit like that,

they put you in a certain halfway house. It's for, like, rapists to have different things and for, like, you know, child molesters to have different things. This was a general population, a halfway house. It was a company who only... that one and the one and long one. And what you basically do is, I think they bought the building, and you paid rent in the building,

and they got government money, funding. Oh, okay. So you paid $2.70 a month, and you shared a two-bedroom with seven people. So you started on the couch, and then somebody got out, and somebody moves up, and you moved to the top bunk. Then you move to the bottom bunk.

Then you move to the big room, you know, with a TV and then. And then after you're there long enough, you move to a three-man room. So it's a one bedroom with three people in the room. So there's bunk beds and one single bed. Okay.

All right. And that's the, but you only pay $2.70 a month. So that's a cheap rent to get you back on your feet. Right. And that's what it is. It's something to get you through the transition.

Was it embarrassing being in a half-house? Not at all. Really? I feel like, like when you told people where you lived out at work you wouldn't yeah but I didn't tell everybody they had a regular address it was like 1800 Canyon Boulevard 1830 it was a condo all they basically do in a halfway house is buy an old condo I thought it was like a offices like a jail building with like a fence around it then you have

work release section in the county jail I've never done that the work release section in the county jail is where you leave at six but you're back at six but you're back at at six at night, and you're in a section where they watch TV and they go to bed at 10. And they drug testing, you still get handcuffed, it's minimum security maybe. That's completely different. That's a work release at the jail. Then they have, you know, halfway houses, federal and state ones. Okay.

All right, so you have two different ones. And I don't know what the federal ones are like in Denver. I know what the federal one is like in New York. it was a lot better than the one I was in in bold. Why was it better? Oh, more cushy. More cushy, elevators, elevator music, you know, a kitchen where you could go eat, a general population. Because you said you were scamming and stuff, but do you think it was beneficiary?

It was very, it was weird. Before I got sentenced to that, I remember bumping into the DA at route, like a supermarket. chain. Whatever really, what's here? Routts? Yeah. There is King Super's in Denver and Boulder. And I bumped into him and I said, can I talk to him?

He's like, I really can't talk to you? And I go, you're going to talk to me? I go, what can we do again? He's like, you know, man, this is why I'm sending you to jail because you have this very chuck and jive type attitude about this. You did something.

You have to live up to it. Now you're going to get sentenced to jail. If you were came in with a different attitude. Maybe there would have been work with these on the table. But you came in with this chuck and jive. How can we, you know, how can we do this, overlooking everything? And it made sense. That was what I was doing with my life.

I was chucking and jiving through my life. I wasn't committing to nothing. Everything was a fucking giggle. Everything was a story. And so, yeah, I guess. That's your question, Cox, that guy? Yeah. I mean, it's just,

President is so, like, foreign to me. Like, I love watching those prison, like, National Geographic shows just to see what it would be like. Like, I don't think I'd survive. People wouldn't survive in the halfway house. I think the failure ratio was 40%, four out of ten. They'd reoffend?

Yeah, reoffend, give a hot U.A., get drunk, couldn't find the job. If you can't find the job in a month, they'd put you back, and you finish your 18 months. Because you're supposed to be in the halfway house. for 18 months. It's a transition period. Is all of that addiction? Because, like, for me, it's kind of like the football players who can't not smoke weed

or, like, being at a halfway house. If someone said that you can't drink or you're going to go back to prison, I just wouldn't drink. Is all of an addiction or some of them just, like, wanting to go back? For me, it was psychological, I think. I think it was very, you're challenging me to do something. And I wanted to do it. I don't know. It was like, in those days, I was.

my worst enemy. I kept getting in my own way a lot more. I did it every day that. I got in my own way eight times a day. When did you realize you were doing that? About 15 years ago. Maybe a little longer, 20 years ago. You know, I got sharper. There's a line in office and a gentleman. You didn't become a better person. You just polished off the sides a little bit. Oh, okay. And at that time, that's all I was doing. I had cut fat off, but I was still the same creepy motherfucker. Do you know? I was cutting the fat off. Yeah, but I was still not at terms of a lot of things, and I still wasn't.

You know, like I said, I was robbing some guy that I knew personally. I knew him per-in. Was I great friends him? But I go to his house, and he doesn't know. But I knew who he was. I would drive up to the back of his house, walk back to him. Hector, you hear? Hector, and I'd knock on the door, and there would be the package.

And there'd be like two ounces. And I'd take a whole chunk. And then I'd call him, because I knew he was, fucked up in real life. I call him the next thing, go, what's up? He's like, ah, I did a lot more than I thought I did last night, because he was smoking Coke. So he was so

fucked up. He would put it outside because he would get so paranoid, he wouldn't go outside and get it. That was the other reason why it was outside. It's fucking crazy. It's just a... You have to knock on wood that, you know, I told you that edible wasn't strong. What do you mean? It's not strong. I told you that fucking

thing. We're going to eat the other half. I'm fucked up, too. I told you it wasn't strong. I told you it was You're arguing with yourself. I mean, you're agreeing with yourself. I don't like when you're not high. I'm really high. It depresses me when you eat an okie dog. You got me high last night on a joint.

Well, last night was on the way home that, you know what was in there? Wax. Oh, fuck. Wax, bazooka, auca oil and shit. Yeah, we'll split another one. I eat 15 milligrams. I'll eat three, it's a Russian star. Come on, man.

So I eat three milligrams and you eat two. How's that? Because you're not high enough. You're making me. feel, man. This is the last podcast of the year. People are going to call in. Great. That's exciting. What the fuck? You got to be on point, Lee. I am on point. There you go. Delicious.

You should have stayed at car sales. No, there's an... Oh, you would have been a billion dollars. This bag was filled with edible. You're the only president. Like, you guys go to work with, like, a briefcase or, like, a knapsack full of, like, work stuff. He brings Hiddy Sigs, his notebook, and about $80 worth of weed. What are you going to do? Can I have half of this? No, that's 10 milligrams. You ate 35 milligrams.

You got off the hook. Last night, you ate 35. Let me see what's in your hand. You're a magician. You didn't put it in your hand, cut a second. How delicious is that? It's good. It's fucking.

You asked me 10 times today. You bring me a gummy bag. I just do once when you asked me what I wanted to have. Beg me to bring a fucking gummy bag. Yeah, because you bring me nasty chocolate stuff. So when I do something tonight, we've never fucking done before. It's been a great year. We have a lot of people that watch the podcast.

I love. I love you guys. I've met you on the road and I know half of you is and uh tonight we just wanted to try and see just have a couple people call in and just ask questions whatever. Listen man if you get through do we really want to fucking talk about something stupid let's talk about something that's going on with you. You don't have to give your name you just give your first name if your name is Jim just say Jim don't say I'm Jim fucking Labamba and then call me tomorrow and go Joey you embarrass me no you just out of Jim LaBomba. I don't know who Jim LaBomba is that's a friend of my life?

20 years ago. So I'm just making up a fucking fake name, cocksucker. So click out the number, give them the number, and start calling in. We got some time. Let's talk some shit. And let's see what's cracking there.

Should I give some shoutouts first? Okay. Case we go deep here. Let me get some shoutouts. First of all, I'm going to tell you something. I wish all the years and all your families and a happy new year. I wish that this is the year you figure it to fuck out.

If you're struggling, if you're fucking getting your dick sucked on the basis and you're just stabbing motherfuckers, then I love you to death. Keep doing what you're doing. You got it together. I hope your families are healthy. I hope you're healthy from Lee and myself. We wouldn't do

this if it wasn't for you guys. Thank you very much. And happy New Year. As usual, Tom Graham, Phil B, Ross Wyman, Ralph Hartfield, Sean Paul Cunningham, raised by motherfucking wolves, Dan Kent, Crash,

and Baxter dashing Rod. you motherfuckers. Thank you for always. Hit me up on Twitter or Facebook. Whatever the fucker this day you do. Open up the fucking lines, Lee. Let's talk to these goddamn savages and see what's cracking. We're going to do this first or like the ads first? No.

Okay. Let's get them call in. Okay. Let's get them call in. All right, guys. And once you zap the number, we zap the number. That's it. If it gets out of control, we zap the number.

If they're nice fucking people and we talk to them, Lee, you know? All right. Guys, 818-570-5494. That's 818 till you die. 570-5-49-4. Thank you, Lee. 8.18 till I die. We've got a number for a little while.

We'll fuck around. We'll go back and forth. See what you guys got to think. See what you guys are in your mind. You put the number on this? I did. What the fuck? Was Matthew Riddle? He said he was going to call first.

It's been up for two. And there's a delay. Give him a second. What kind of delay you got? Here we go. We got a bunch of numbers calling it. What kind of delay do you got? Let's do this one first.

What's up? Oh, shit. Here it is. What's up, you bad motherfuckers? Yo, man. fucking love you guys I love you too man Mike from Colorado

Oh shit Mike from Colorado What part of Colorado? Uh From Denver baby Where that? Right from Denver Oh shit Look at you cock suck

How much snow you got the other day Uh too much man Too much Is it? But you know We were doing it big You're holding it down It's a beautiful city man

I spent a lot of time there I have no regrets Arvada was fucked up You know Arvada was fucked up you know Arvada was fucked up, but I still loved that. I still love living by 104th and Thornton there, and I sold

cars, and, you know, I spent And you got a strong presence out here, you know, yeah, no, I spent 15 fucking years in Colorado, I did time, I paid my dues to society, you know, and I said, what's up with you? What do you do for a living? What's on your mind, my brother? I work for, I work for DPS, the school

system. You know, I work for the administration part. I, you know, just try to deep busy, man. Got my feet on the ground, finally, 28 years old. I've listened to the podcast for, I don't know, since last October, and it's just been a trip, man.

It's kind of seeing you go on the journey, seeing Lee go on his journey, and me myself, you know. It's, uh, I can't believe I'm on the line. Listen, I wanted to talk to you guys, a lot of guys that, you know, won't come to comedy shows or whatever,

and we tweet. Maybe when I'm in town, you're working a certain shift, and you just want to talk about something to say hello. I wanted to give this a try. I really wanted to talk to you. He's been busting my ball, so I'm happy you call. What's up, Lee?

That's up, buddy. How are you doing, man? The flying juice. Oh, shit. A flying juice is fucked up at this moment. That's right. Do you like the legal weed in Denver? Are you doing that?

Or you can't do it because of the school? Oh, no. It's, uh, it's, it's there. You know, we got to keep a respect. But don't, uh, we keep it going as well. You grow up. Denver? No, I'm actually from Miami originally.

So you're a Cuban? Argentine, actually. Look at you, you bad motherfucker. Okay, we got a lot, Antino. Oh, shit. And how long have you been in Colorado for? Since 99, so... Oh, you've been there a while, then, yeah.

So I left in 95, and that was 19 years ago, going to be 20 in June. I tell you what, I think about Boulder in Denver a lot, man. I start a comedy there. I used to drive to, oh, my God, to fucking El Toritos and whatever the fuck that is from Boulder, because they gave me a free coupon and they gave me a meal that night. Just amazing places where I fucking got in trouble in Vail and Craig Colorado. My heart is in Colorado.

I wish I could move back there, but the airport fucks me up there all the time. It's that big blue horse that they've got out from, man. It's the big boy. It fucks me up. that said they built it you know I was in college I'm an old Stapleton type of motherfucker you know I just

oh yeah the 36 over to the 70 bam you're at Stapleton now they put this fucking airport in a Culemundo you know two hours from civilization out there yeah you're gonna get a foot of fucking snow

out there in banks but I do heard that they clean the streets real well and whatever in the wintertime so I don't know but it doesn't snow us down you know it's just another day for us well I see how it is

yeah man anytime you're in Denver, man. You got to come on through. We'll smoke you out big time. I'll be into Comedy Works in June, man. Please stop by. Happy New Year and thank you for calling, my brother. Absolutely.

It's been a great year with you guys. I wish you the best. And, you know, you guys keep our group for the church. Thank you, brother. They get them, and Mano. Thank you, buddy. All right, you want to take another one? Yeah.

The fuck. 602 or 786? 602, and we'll take 786 next. That's Miami. me let's take 602. That's a freak from Phoenix and you sure. What's up?

Hello, is this, uh, Joey? Yeah, brother. What's happening, Bimo? Hey, how you doing, Joey? This is uh, Josh, uh, Phoenix. What's up, brother? I'm saying, 6.02 in the fucking house. I love it.

Exactly. That's how it is. All right. What's happening, brother? Joey, you were saying at the beginning of the episode, uh, talking about what you've done this year, and, uh, I just want to say on behalf of the fans, you, you help us out a lot.

Uh, you know, me, a former thug from the streets. You help keep a heroin Eel out of my arm. You know, you give us motivation. You know, every time I hear your show, it just puts me right on the right track and it keeps me going. It keeps me, you know, believing.

So I just like to thank you and defying you for everything you guys do. Thank you for listening, man. Thank you means a lot, man. Listen, you know, we all make mistakes and we all choose different paths. but we're all going for the same path. Even when you had that heroin needle in your arm,

at the end of your fucking high, you'd always say someday I'm going to get it right, correct? Correct. You know, and it takes time. And as long as you keep believing that, like I said, this show's not about this or this. It's about mistakes and what we did with the fucking mistakes. And, you know, you're working?

You know, I actually, you know, I've kind of followed your plan of moving away from the... city, moving away from where I'm growing up. And, you know, I attend at the University of Arizona. And just recently, I started taking Brazilian jihitsu, falling in your path, you know? So,

it's just, it's, you know, I don't have money, I don't have this and that. But I have goals, and I'm, you know, I'm actively pursuing them, and that's all because of you. You know, you give that motivation each time, so. Bro, you could do whatever the fuck you want. Even if you came out of prison at 50,

I met a guy a couple of years ago, that was fucking in rehab until he was 60-something, 58, and he came out, he started to work, and he said he didn't have teeth, so he had to work as a telemarketer.

I mean, it's a fantastic fucking story. And today the guy owns the company. Because after a while, you get it, you know, you just made a few more mistakes than the other guy. But, man, I'm proud of you, and thank you for your fucking words. I didn't know it was like that in Arizona.

What are you going to school for? I'm going for a psychology degree. I've been going for a couple years in Phoenix, and I just recently moved to Tucson to go to the University of Arizona, which is the goal that I never thought I would ever attain. And so now I'm 30 years old. I left that street life behind, and, you know, it's tough, but it's easy because I'm going for a goal now.

You know, it's something I never did before. But, I mean, going, you know, seeing me each and every day on Earth, your podcast, you know, going through that street life that you went through, I can relate to it. And it's something, you know, your past drug habit and this and that, it shows me that you can't, there's never too late. You can always make it, you know. So it just, you know, I owe that all to you guys and what you guys do.

And, you know, it just gets, you know, great to actually be on the podcast and be able to talk to you. We met once before when you were here at Stand Up Live, took a picture with you and all that, but it's great to actually, you know, talk to you. Well, man, I'm happy. Listen to the podcast. I'll be back down there in April, and I wish you give me a hug, and let me know what you.

We'll be doing this a lot more with the callings. I'm digging this. I'm digging talking to you guys. I want to know what's, like I said, a lot of times I come through and you guys are busy. But, man, thank you very much, and thank you for fucking making it happen in your life. Thank you for taking control.

And thank you. That's it. You owe it to yourself, you know? Thank you guys. I hope you guys have a happy new year and a great 2015. You too, Primor. From bottom of my heart, thank you for being. a fucking savage.

You too, buddy. Thank you. Good luck in college, man. Thank you. Have a good day. You too. All right, let's do it as well. We're 7-8-6. That one's gone. We got 631 at 956. Oh, shit. Let's talk to 631.

What's up, you bad motherfucker? Is that Tennessee somewhere? Coco, what's up, brother? What's up, baby? How you doing? You know, man, it's a Tuesday night here in the valley. The wind's fucking blowing. I got...

eating fucking Goomy Bears We're going to the comedy store Who's better than you? Nobody, brother This is Greg from Long Island I got a funny story to tell you though Real quick Hit me, brother

Okay, so I saw you When you were down in Miami At that Kendall comedy show Because I spend my summers in Miami And stuff like that But I live on the beach in Miami And one of my neighbors I didn't know

He said he grew up with you Or something in North Bergen So was a beach Whatever. This was when I saw him at the comedy show, and I had no idea that he was even there. I don't even know the guy's fucking me. I have no idea. But you got to tell with these guys, Dave. It's hysterical story. It sounds retarded, but it's so funny. What's his story? Yo. He's gone.

We lost him. 6-3-1. 3-4-7. Here we go. What's up, brother? Oh, shit. I'm bad? What's up, baby? Fuck, yeah, you made it, you bad motherfucker. fucker. Oh, man, this is crazy. How you doing, Joe?

How you doing, Joe? You know, man, good, man. Me, sorry. What's up, what's up, man? What's up, baby? What, so, baby? What's up, baby? Oh, man, I'm calling from the Bronx, New York.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. The boogie down. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Me, motherfucking hente and stuff. What's going on, baby? Uh, Joe, man, I'm just calling you, and I got into your show.

Just, they turn off the, uh, the playing of it in the background of the kid. Okay, I got a little. I got a little delay, but I listen on the phone. But I got into Joey listening to, I saw Santeria segment with you, and that got me into the whole show. Okay. I just got a quick question. I got a brother.

He's Cuban. He's into all that Santeria shit. He's always going to witches. But the guy's all, he's a little fucked up still. He listened to the witch, and I guess the witch tells him a whole bunch of things that, you know, get him off track. Because he believes the witch too much. Right. So I don't know

I'm thinking about going on a witch I'm trying to do something I'm a little down on the gutter in my life right now and I'm trying to just guess you know a point of view for maybe a witch somebody

About what's going on in your life Like maybe they could get me Just give me Give me a two paths at least To go either left or right But I don't know if it's safe To go out to a witch in the Bronx You know man

I made Saint in the Bronx. You know, I made, the Bronx is the birthing place up there. You know, that's where they fucking, they got the chickens in the yards like Miami, you know. It's just finding the right person. There's a lot of fake people there. There's a lot of fake people that are doing it for wrong reasons. Ask around, be patient.

If you see somebody and they're looking kind of good, and they got, you call yollahs on or something, pull them over to the side and say, how's your guy? And they'll go, I love them. I've been one for a little bit of them. went for 11 years. He's Saudi.

He lives in the fucking Queens or something. You go and you do a little bit of Suta. You know what I'm saying? Just don't go to some dude in a fucking bodega. It doesn't matter if I go to Dominican. Because Dominican people are, you know, I think Dominicans are the most corrupt people. They ought to get your money.

Well, tell me who, in this day and age, who's not out to get your money? They all are. Cubans, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans. You know, it's whatever path. You know, if you pay attention to the Santeria, like the Brazilian path is a little, different than what the dude does out here.

The dude I used to talk out here, he's a black dude. So he brings a little different. You know, I was brought up in a Cuban system. So there's all different things, but to me and you, man, there's bad people out there, and there's a lot of good people doing it that believe that they still charge whatever it is, $13 on a little brown envelope or something. Gotcha. So that's all I can tell you, man.

It's harder. You know, the people that pissed me off with it. people that go from people to people every month looking for the answer. Eventually, you'll get the answer. So what is the witch or whatever that person, what do they do? Well, they just, they go through the ritual.

I'm not too short, I don't ask too much, but I know he goes to witches. I know his dad wasn't to the whole Santeria thing, and he's Cuban, so he believes on it big time. You know, when you go. I'm always a little skeptical about it. Right, no. But they go through the whole ritual,

they probably read them and they tell them that this is going to happen or that I think it fucks him up at the end of the day. What do they do, Joey? Well, what happens is this. You have a lot of people that do this for a living

and it's weird, it's a mumbo-jumbo system that they do or I shouldn't say a system. It's a belief in their heart. It all starts with that person. When you around that person, you will feel a little different. Okay.

It's a vibe. You got to pick up that vibe. And like I said, you're going to, like, okay, I hadn't done anything for maybe 15 years. Because once my mom died and I got away from those people, I don't fuck around. Those are the people I was with. I didn't see anybody from 1985, June 30th, 1985, was the last time I saw my godmother. And she told me, and she read me and told me not to mess around with three people, not to do cocaine no more. At that time, she didn't know about my life. She didn't know I was doing Coke in Jersey.

She was living on 148th and fucking Broadway. She didn't know what I was doing. And she read me the car. And she goes, you're doing this. She's doing that. I got locked up. I lost contact with all those people. I didn't go running around.

I got lost in my world. I was doing drugs and going to prison. But I always thought about what I stood for. As I was getting old and I was running out of time, I knew that I had to stop with the drugs. You know, I have a bottle of law. That's a one. White, he's from white, so I can't do nothing white.

I don't drink milk. I can't really eat sugar. I'm not supposed to snort Coke. Anything white. So, I hear, anything white. Wow. Is it a baccala? Yeah, here I was from Norton Coke, losing my fucking mind.

And I was doing a movie that I hated to be on. It was a UC, USC movie. And the people were going to take it to a festival. And they were going to go get financing for this movie. I hated these people from the beginning. They wanted me to rehearse. It was $100 a day. And they wanted me to go to Pasadena and rehearse

and then drive to Vegas. And I said, no, I'm shooting tomorrow. So I get there, and I could already see it's a fucking nightmare. But there was a guy with a fucking wrist thing on Abacqua thing, a black dude. So I pulled him aside. And I go, hey, man, who are you working with? And he told me.

And I called the guy, and I probably met, with the guy two or three times for coffee before I even took it to the next level, went back to his house, and he read the cards or whatever the fuck he did. And I worked with him. But the dude who turned me onto him came up to me one day and said, hey, man, I got a better guy for you. So I knew that guy is just looking for a quick fix. Okay.

You follow me? Gotcha. Yeah, yeah. I love your cuck, sucker. Stay black. You too, brother. Thank you for taking my call. Happy New Year.

Always, man. That's what we're here to do. All right, brother. Be safely. It's always a pleasure. Let's 205. What's happening, brother? Joey.

Yo. Coco, man, it's Chef Rob down in New Orleans. What's up, you fucking chef? The chef and shit. I'm doing it right, watching you like a big dog. I hear you, man. Happy New Year. Fucking Merry Christmas, year.

This man is the fucking shit. The best chef in New Orleans. Oh, is this like Nolan's Smallhouse on Twitter? This is him, yeah. What's up, man? I've seen you all the time. time on Twitter. What's up, brother? Yeah, you're right. Nothing much, man. Living the drink. Hey, I wanted to be the first one on the church to take a bong hit. Can I do that?

Yes, absolutely. Take a fucking bong hit. Listen, man, why don't you hit me up on Twitter? Get me a club to go down there and play at so I could bring Lee and we could do a podcast and do some stand-up down New Orleans. I'm trying hard, man. We're working with Mac lethal. We're trying to get you a gig. It's hard. Comedy down here. It's not like LA, man It's a whole different scene No, I know, I know But listen, like I said

Last time we had a nice little time At that theater I'll go back to the theater I'll go back to the theater I don't give a fuck La Nueuea. You're right La Nuit theater

We definitely checking it out We're gonna be kicking it on this 2015 Getting blowed up Getting smoky Doing it right How's business? Business is good

I mean We are small all-time barbecue, but I tell you what, Joey, listening to you and the podcast, got me off my ass and got me out of bad restaurant, and I started doing a pop-up by myself. 2014, I was able to get a roof, and I tell you what, it's between you, Joe Rogan, Duncan Trussel.

Y'all empower us to do good things, and I thank you, brother. Thank you. You always had it, in you. You just needed somebody to give you a little fucking kick in the ass. You're still a fireman? No. You're not the fireman, right? No, the fireman's Mr. Dan. The fireman's missed. I thought you were the guy. I'm losing his now.

Now I'm thinking you're one person. I'm the barbecue guy. Right. He's a barbecue guy. I split you some blue dream outside. Absolutely. I remember you. No, no, no, I remember.

I'm trying to remember the fireman guy. What kind of barbecue do you make? We do New Orleans-type barbecue. I just do dry rub. I saw y'all putting up some pictures of brisket and stuff. Oh, yeah. That's my specialty. I do the Burbasket.

Oh, that's my favorite. And they just melt in your mouth, Joe. It's like meat candy. I swear to God. Oh, that sounds good. Do you make potato salad? We do potato salad. We do cold flour.

We do the baked beans. We do all the classic stuff. But then I kick in. We do a state night every now and then. I'm doing smoked prime rib, grilled rainbow trout out on the grill to order. We have just trying to have fun down here. We have to go to New Orleans. No, no.

I've been trying, but me and Rosie Tran were talking. You know, Rosie's a local, and her and I, they were going to open up Lucky's, a comedy club, and that was a scam. They realized the guy was scamming everybody. Then one of the guys... We got to get you down here, Joey. There's a bunch of death squad in New Orleans that love y'all to death, and just to get y'all down here for that one time was really cool,

and for grudge matching that whole thing. I hope you enjoyed the city. I hope we can see you again. Yeah, no, I loved it down there. But keep me posted. I love you, and happy New Year, and thank you for calling in the chef. You know, I love you at all my heart.

I sure will. We'll be in touch with emails. Your family, a long fucking time, man. I love you. You've been around for a while. Thank you very much for the fucking loyalty. All right. Peace.

All right. Keep them coming, Lee Cucksucker. Let's go. No unknown numbers, please. What's up, baby? What's up, brother? What's up, brother? So, brother, it's Freddie Korea from Vegas.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I'll see you Friday, my little brother. What's going on? How's the wife, the girlfriend? Oh, she's good. The wife is good, brother. Yeah, we'll definitely see you Friday at the Mirage, huh?

Yeah, at the Mirage. And then I'm going over to the point with you guys. Oh, snap. I'm taking Ari with me. Over to the South Point and shit. It's going to be dope, bro. I got a show Friday night. with Edwin's on one also, so we'll all roll together.

All right, what time is your show with Edwin? At nine. Okay, all right. Yeah, so right after that, I'll try to make it to Mirage or South Pole, but I'll see you Friday. Yeah, no, I'll just see you at the South Point, bro. Yeah, man. Spring by the South Point.

Bro, I want to say, man, I thank you so much for everything you do with the podcast, man. Like, right now, I'm on my lunch hour. It gets me through the day, man. So, thank you, brother. Lunch hour. It's fucking nine. You said lunch. Lee's ears perked up.

No, he works in the cable company. Right, right, right, right. I remember that. So he's probably fucking out there right now. How are you doing, Lee? See, you're not that high. Fucked up, dude. Fuck, no.

That was a cake walk for you. I just talked to him about what he made for barbecue. Shit, you ain't fucked up. You said I got to put up with Freddy. Freddy, so you live in Vegas full time? Yeah, brother. I live out of your full time. Got a job full time.

How many nights a week do you get on stage? Get on three or four. that's not bad and yeah and for the most part it's over at uh at wins place no shit

yeah yeah so he's been uh taking me under his wing and being a mentor and helping me out we have writing sessions and then he's about to start his podcast that I'm producing so it's great brother now where is that what club is he at he's over at

Las Vegas live comedy club it's inside uh fine at Hollywood. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right. So you guys are doing well out there. And there's a couple different open mics during the week that you can hit up also. So you guys live in large.

Yeah, this is a nice comedy scene out here, brother. No, I've seen it and I've heard it. Listen, I'm sold on that South Point. I am sold around. That is, you know, you go up there, you do 10 minutes and you get the fuck off stage, and eight guys go up. Yeah. You know, eight guys, and you drink and you smoke.

Then they're nice there. Like that dude. Really? Dan? Mike. Mike is tremendous. You know, I've always said that the manager doesn't like comedy, the comedy's not going to work. That guy likes comedy.

He likes fucking around. He likes helping fucking what's his name? The little Mexican dude, whatever his name is, what's the Gabe? My little brother Gabe, the fucking Joker. But no, I'll definitely see you Friday, man, for sure, man. What were you saying? I'm sorry. When are we going to do that Reno gig again?

Reno's a whole comedy up there. Whenever you want, let's put our dates. Let's talk this Friday night. We'll put our dates together and go up there and fluck around for a few days. That'd be great, brother. That's so far, man. One of the best shows of my life. I love it, brother.

We had a good time up there. That was fun. Oh, yeah. It was great. I'll talk to Wayne, brother, and I'll see you Friday. We'll talk about it. Thank you so much, man. And, brother, happy New Year, and thank you for all the love and support you give the show, man.

Absolutely. And big shout out to my boy, talking there. Okay, always. That's the man of steel. That's the motherfucker that wrote the book, that motherfucker. I love you, Uncle Joe and Lee.

Always. Love you, buddy. I'll see you soon. See you, brother. Happy New Year, Ball Sniffer. What's up, brother? Happy New Year, Uncle Joey. Happy New Year, my little brother.

What's going on with you? Hang out in Jersey City right now, your old stomping ground. Oh, shit. That's why I love you to death. That's why I love you. Where are you at? Up in the Heights.

No shit. My friend used to live on 149 Grey Street. That's the Heights up there, right off Kennedy Boulevard. Yeah, I'm right off County Boulevard myself. No shit. You grew up there, my brother? Yeah, in Hudson County area. Damn, all your life.

Where'd you go to school at? In Bayonne High School. Bayonne High School. And what do you do now for a living? I work in music industry. Okay. Is White Manor Burgess still in Bayonne? I live right up the block from White Manor.

No, you don't. They're still thriving. You still go in there? Yeah, all the time. They're still there. How many fucking hours? They're open right now. How many hamburgers do you think Lee would eat if you were in there tonight?

How big are they? Are they like a White Castle? Just like White Castle. Oh, like eight? They're like White Castle. Oh, shit. I was going to say seven or eight. Easy.

Hell yeah. And the fries from White Castle, the crinkle ones? Oh, shit. Lee be fucking. I went, you took me, and for the documentary, you brought me back to a North Bergen. And in the 12 hours we shot, we went to White Castle and ate on eight at the car. That's right. You have that footage.

Hell yeah. That was good. I love White Castle, just two of them. That's all I need. But White Manor, I'll kill her some white manas. They're delicious, those things. So what's up, man? You're really in the music industry?

Yeah, man, yeah. I work in music publishing. And you work in the city or in Jersey City? Yeah, in Manhattan. Good for you, man. I was loving me to talk about Legg Zeppelin a few weeks back, how they were fighting off a lot of people's old blue stuff back in the day. It's interesting because you're a diehardt's sin,

so it's interesting a way to take on it. Well, you know, you sit there, you hear that, you know, the people that you grew up on that you thought were the Kings of Rock stole their material. And, you know, I've watched the YouTube videos, and I could tell that they've stolen some stuff and lifted some stuff. And I think their mentality was that they were going to make it better. And in the way they did, but it's still, you know, it's still stolen.

And now, what, 30 years later, 40 years later, they finally got busted for the stairway to heaven. Right. I didn't hear that. There's something in California going on that passed a certain point. They're going to move on with the settlement or whatever the fuck. I'm brooding it wrong. I'm high.

Lawsuit? The lawsuit. It just burns you up. Listen, when I heard fucking that song by that dude, I knew he robbed Marvin Gay. I thought they had paid Marvin Gay. I thought they had paid Marvin Gay. It don't take a fucking moron to know they robbed Marvin Gay. You know, the song a couple weeks ago.

What's his name? Farrell and the white dude that sings black and Robin Thick. I knew he hit. But in my mind, you know, I heard the Velvet Rope. Anything you hear by Janet Jackson, she samples everything. So I don't know if she steals it. I'm not sitting here pointing my fingers. So when I heard Farrell and whatever do that song, I'm like, bro, that's limited.

He's saying that he was eating pain pills. I don't know if I was saying. He lifted that motherfucker. That's it. He's done. He's done. He's lifting a song. You know?

Yeah. In my eyes, lifted a fucking song. Is it as big of a deal in the music industry as it is comedy? Oh, it's very common. I deal with sample requests daily. A lot of people trying to sample

user that would be publishing everything. But if you do it the right way and you take care of it before it comes out, it's an easy, easy process. But for us, They're trying to get over on that for sure. Now, what do they charge to sample? It depends on the song or everybody's the same?

Yeah, it depends on the song and the person that's being sampled, artists that's sampling it. It's all negotiation. How much do you think that, fuck, what's that girl rapper name? What's her name? Who did the Anaconda song? Oh, Nick and I. Yeah, how much do you think she paid for, like,

I don't want to unless you got buns, on. That had to be expensive. She just took this song. It's expensive because she took the original master recording, too, the mix-a-lot one. So she definitely had to pay some extra money for that. I would think maybe five figures on the publishing side and maybe five figures on the master side. So, yeah, they had to pay a little bit. Wow.

How did you get into music? I'm a musician myself, drummer. I grew up on a classic rock like Joey. Red Dufflin, Black Sabbath, heavy metal, metallic or what? What was your favorite? John Bonham, without a doubt. Really? Hands down.

You think he's tops right now? Was that? You think he was the best one of all time like that in that genre? I think so. Yeah, for sure. Him or I love Bill Ward and Black Sabbath, too. I mean, he's a master. Bill Ward plays some fucking.

tremendous shit, man. Yeah. Sometimes... I mean... I fucking love Ferries wear boots to drums and Ferries wear boots. Oh.

That's my favorite song. That drives me fucking crazy that song. Every time I hear that song, I blast that fucking thing and go crazy. What's the name of the song? Ferrys wear boots.

Fucking tremendous. It's on paranoid. Fucking tremendous. Brother, it was a... You know who I thought was good? When I went... Like, I saw a lot of good drummers live like Neil Pert.

I wasn't a Rush fan. I also saw like the guy from the police. I also saw... I tell you who was one of the best dudes I seen live. You're going to laugh at me, the dude from missing persons. Really? Terry Basio was making the fucking... Oh, yeah, Terry Basio.

I saw him at the... That place in Newark. It was like a theater, the fucking ceiling leaks. Dog, the whole... The whole building was moving when they were doing mental hopscotch. It was fucking going through your soul. Like I could feel it hitting my lungs, the energy of his drum, of his bass drum. Doom.

Do you. Sometimes you say you will. Sometimes you say you won't fucking. What are you nuts or what? Break out the fucking heroin. Jersey City, I love you, man. Thank you for calling him representing my old hood. Happy New Year.

I love you, man. What's your name again? Thank you. Frank, man. Man, please call again and school us on some music. Thank you. God bless you, Papa. I just want to also say, happy new year to my friend Carmen. Put me on to your podcast, man.

Good guy from Jersey as well. All right, send them my love, Carmen. Happy New Year, brother. Here's 7-86. Oh, shit. Miami Beach in the fucking house. What's up, my little brother? What's up, man?

It's Gus from Baltimore, man. I actually got my cousin Bobay up here visiting. Yes, how are you, my friend? get the fucking hear from you. I'm doing awesome, man. We were like almost the third one's in, man, and then it stopped it and it says that we couldn't reach you or whatever, man. Lee got this Puerto Rican service.

They cut it off at 10 o'clock. He bought the number on the corner. We only got it from... Puerto Rican internet, you know? Yeah, we only got it from like 8 to 10, then the number goes back to the church. The real church. The real church.

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy Hanukkah to the fly. too, man. Thank you, buddy. Brother, thank you for listening and thank you for calling in this. Just, uh... You gotta get your ass back up to Maryland, Joey.

I will. I will be back up in Baltimore and I will be back in Miami and South Florida, bro. You know me. God bless you guys. Love you, man. Hey, brother, thank you for the love

and the support always. I love you to death, man. Hi. We have to be muddle. He won't make thing. Yo! There you go. Yo.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. That's what I'm talking about. Uncle Joe. What's up, my little brother? Who am I speaking with? DP out in Montana. Oh, shit.

What part of Montana? A halver. How close to Billings? Eastern part, like 40 miles from Canada. Oh, my God. You guys eat that fish, that really good fish up there, right? For sure. Not macro.

What the fuck is the fish? Salmon? No, no, no, no. Them in Montana, not Wyoming, but like Montana and Minneapolis have a war going on about the fish that they get up there something up there north

it doesn't fucking matter how far are you from Billings How far am I from Philly? Billings, Billings, Billings, Billings $1,000,000 miles? No, Billings, Billings? Billings? Oh, like four hours.

Wow. Fucking cold in Montana, huh? Tell these motherfuckers. Tell the rest of the country what they don't fucking know. I get 20 right now, Uncle Joey, outside, a little chilly. If you smoke a joint, it turns off.

It turns off and tells you to go fuck yourself. You can't keep that thing fired up. Yeah, man. It's cold right now up there. I used to do comedy all through Montana. From Billings to the other place, from the colleges, Zamula, whatever it is, the eight ball. Bozeman.

We used to go to the eight ball in. What's that? On some triple runs? I used to do triple runs all the time in Montana. I got you. I got you. Some of the best. times I have. We're in Montana, believe it or not. Fun times. Cold. You're up there in January. You earn your

motherfucking keep, Jack. You earn your fucking keep. I work outside. It's no joke. When you take your clothes off and put them down, like a half hour of you touch your jacket, it's still cold. Oh, without a doubt. Without a doubt, it's amazing. What do you do working outside? I work grounds at the college I go to. Wow. How many hours a week? with being on break probably like 40 and then like in January I'm student teaching how many credits you're taking just 12 okay

you got a fucking workload brother yeah yeah you're busy thank you thank you for taking the time and listening I think you were some fucking part time I came out in July and I met you when you did the I think it was the number 13 live podcast with Miss Pat

okay at the ice house Yeah, that was a fucked up one. Very nice seeing you. Yeah, it was nice seeing everybody. Listen, man, I love the tail end of this. A lot of people don't have the opportunity to do the tail end of this. I do stand up, sometimes Lee Come, and sometimes it doesn't, so I get to meet you guys.

And that's the final result. That's the whole circle of this whole podcast thing we're doing. Perfect. Well, thank you, and I wish you a happy new year, Uncle Joey and Lee. Montana, get us a comedy club, so we go do there, right, brother? We need it. We need something in the winter. We do need something in Montana.

Like I said, I used to go to that Holiday Inn and Billings all the time, twice a year for Tribble. That's a great fucking holiday inn, but, you know, you move on. I love to contact Tribble and maybe do a run with Lisa and leave him out there in fucking Wyoming. All right, what the fuck is that? Pirate Radio. Crank call, crank call. I love you. Stay black.

What's happening, brother? Hey, what's going on, Joey? You know me, dog, trying to put the motherfucking pieces together on a Tuesday night here with Lee Syatt, my favorite fucking Jew. Where are you calling from, Primo? I'm calling from Indianapolis. Oh, shit. Yes, sir, you're coming to town here in February. I can't fucking wait.

I can't fucking waste. It'd be nice and cold. I've never been to Indy before, brother. Yeah, well, it's, you know, it's kind of a sleeper, but it was when we, we, we get it done. You know, it's not, it's a no high zone, so they haven't relaxed on the weed laws out there just yet, but, you know, we're waiting, we're hopeful.

Let me tell you something. I've been dying to go to that club, and then they push me back because of Russell. We were talking about it last night. Right. And now, you know, I'm going back, and I'm fucking excited. I've got to try to get a flight on Wednesday

because I've got to go back for Bob and Tom and all that shit. But, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to be up in Brawraple, I think. They've got two comedy clubs there. I think you're one up in Brawiple. There's a good sushi joint around the corner from there. Okay.

This is what I'm saying. I need calls like these to straighten me to fuck out. To let me know what's crack a lacquer. Lee, you're coming in there with me? Sure. Want to eat some sushi in Indianapolis? Fuck me. Hell yeah.

We got it all down there. All right. And I'm going to bring some fucking Chebichie. I'm going to get them mailed into it. Fellow Express like the shows. We'll be all fucked up. We don't need the 500. We don't need the Indianapolis 5.1.

We're going to be spinning around in circles on our fucking own. You understand me? I'm right there with you. Well, thank you, brother. Happy New Year. God bless you. Thank you very much for calling. Hey, I tell you what I got.

I really like this one-on-one you and Lee been doing the last few. I like the guests, but I tell you, I've been listening from day one and the growth between you two and the banter and the chemistry that you guys. guys got going on now. It's just, it's, it's very entertaining. I tell you, I almost put in a bitch too many times driving, listen and laughing my ass off.

You guys are the best. Thank you, man. Lee's a funny dude. Thank you very much for the call, man. Happy New Year. Thank you for being a fucking soldier. A fucking soldier, cocksucker. Yo, you got me over here on a pain on mine list. I'm over here waiting for your cocksucker. You're sitting there. What's up, brother?

Man, what's up, Lee? Hey, buddy, what's your name? My name is Crock. What's up, baby? How far are you from Bradford? Probably about 30, 40 minutes. Really? Yeah.

What's the fucking fried chicken place on the way to Bradford? Lucy's or something? What is it? Leeds and my mom? Oh, my God. It's pretty good, ain't it? Fucking delicious. Fucking world class on a road with nothing else.

Yeah. No Starbucks, no nothing. Lee's fucking fried chicken. I got spicy. Oh, my goodness, Lee. It's worth taking a flight. That's how good of this. What's going on?

What do you do for work out there? I graduated in the summer. All right. Where'd you graduate from? In Martin, the Tennessee University there. All right, UT Martin. That's where my niece is going. I taped them the other night.

I taped them the other night from my wife. They were playing on ESPN. They're making shit. happening in UT Martin? Yeah, it's a really nice university. Yeah, my niece is a freshman, but yeah, the men were playing, and I was

scrolling into the channels, and the game came out at midnight, and I taped the next day, I go, honey, I got a surprise for you. She goes, why, I can watch this. She goes, that's a UT Martin, oh my God, the boys' team, they're doing well this year, so what the fucking do you think? Who the fuck do people think you're dealing with? I cover everything from Tennessee.

To UT Martin? To UT Martin? I don't fuck around. To selling Coke at a halfway house? That's right. I'm telling you. I'm international. I've been telling you fucking leave for years. In an hour and a half. That's right, man. What do you think? What kind of degree did you get? Finance.

All right. You always get a job with that. Now you've got to learn how to speak Spanish and go to South America. That's what the Deke Givas is. These fucking Gentiles, they got no money. You got us to go to South America. Hang out with some fucking Colombians. Steal Moriaga's money. Take that shit back to Tennessee.

Open up a go-go bar. Next to the fried chicken place. Yeah. All right, man. I was back there. You know, I did Jackson. I did the Comedy Club in Jackson. Yeah, I didn't get a chance to make it out there.

Yeah, I go to fall in again in Padua. Yeah, no, I go all over there when I visit my in-laws. I like to see the people. I like to meet the people. Last time I was in Paduca, I just put it on Facebook, and some kid put me in a coffee shop. I didn't get paid on anything. I just went to a fucking show, you know.

If I'm going to be there, I might as well get to meet you guys and see you guys. You guys will never come out here to visit us, so what the fuck? I'm going to Delaware this year. I'm going to visit my brother, and I'm trying to get a comedy show in Delaware by Ocean City, Maryland. You know, he lives in, I'm going to fly into Salisbury, and, you know, they got nothing there. I called and talked to him again the other day, but I'm trying, because I just don't want to go there for three days and not do comedy. You know, and Delaware is Delaware.

I mean, it's where boredom was invented. but there's got to be three people who listen to podcasting, you know. So that's where I stand, brother, but I'm happy you called in. You're a fucking savage. I hope you get a fucking job, cock sucker. We'll get us out of a finance degree.

You got to get out there. Get up to Nashville. We'll go work for a Craig deal. Happy New Year, brother. Thanks for calling in. Thank you for the love always. Happy New Year. You got it.

Where you've been, Doug? I'm over here waiting like patience on a fucking monument. What's up, Joey? What's up, baby? How's it going, man? You know, over here, Stone with Lee Syatt, trying to tell me he wants to eat another edible? No, I don't.

Where are you calling from? Where are you calling from my brother? I'm calling from Savannah, Georgia. Oh, shit. What's your name, brother? Jerry. What's up, Larry? I'm trying to get back to Atlanta to see you fucking savages.

But the one club doesn't want to put me on there, the other one's too small. You know how we do it. Yeah, dude, I saw you in Denver. I live this year. All right, so we had a good time at the improv. Yeah, yeah, on Thursday night. All right.

It's crazy, man. Yeah, we had a good time. Yeah, I love it, dude. I love y'all. I love what y'all doing, man. You live in Savannah full-time? No, I live in Denver. I'm out here visiting for Christmas, man.

Oh, okay. What the fuck? You should have said Denver. You got me all confused, talking about Savannah. I'm thinking you over there eating peach cobbler. You're from Denda. You're living fucking Denda. You're fuck tremendous.

I love you. What's happening, brother? Yeah. What's happening? What kind of work you doing, Dendez. I love you, man. I don't think you get through, man. Love your shit.

Oh, we try. Listen, we're trying real hard here to just be a blue collar, regular guy type podcast. Sometimes it's informative. Sometimes it's silly. Sometimes it's funny. You know, we're not going to give you the same flavor every day. but uh...

Tell us about uh... Tell us about how you ate mushrooms in Boulder, man. Oh my God, I love all that stuff. The first time I ever ate mushrooms wasn't in Boulder was in Snowmass Village, 4th of July weekend. I went out Friday night and I did a little blow. And I got fucked up and I hooked up with some girl. They didn't have sex, but woke up in fucking Aspen the next day

and hitchhiked down to the bottom of Snowmass Village. I'm waiting down there. It's the 4th of July. I'm waiting on the bottom of a summer. Snowmass Village and the Jeep makes a fucking right turn and it's coming my way and he pulls over and it's John Denver.

Oh my God. You go up to the top of the hill and I go yeah and I get in and I don't say nothing for about five minutes and I go Mr. Denver is this really happening? And he goes yeah it happens all the time. I get people rides all the time you know wow to Creekside

I went to Creekside my roommate I just lived there I just moved to Snowmass Friday morning. I set my room up, got dressed, and me and my roommate went out to Aspen. We both ended up getting fucked up. But he had a ride or something.

I missed the bus. There's only one bus. I ate a quailout. Something. Who fucking knows? The next morning, when I go over there, he goes, I'm leaving, but here, you have the apartment all to yourself, and I left you some mushrooms. I'd never eat mushrooms, and Jersey, you ate acid. You ate microdot acid, and so I ate the little stem,

and I fucking walked over to this little bridge and I just sat by the bridge and looked at the water. It was fucking tremendous. But then after about 30 minutes I had diarrhea like a motherfucker and strut it back to the apartment and that green acid diarrhea

came out of my asshole like that lift. You know when that diarrhea goes and it sees like a soda machine. Oh, it needs to... Yeah, you throw that all the way in your gut. Mushrooms are great for me until I start getting diarrhea. that it's all over.

Then I'm sitting to the bathroom tripping, looking at toilet paper. Yeah, yeah. Did you eat some chocolate shrines recently? I heard you talking about it on here. Yeah, I spiked Lee. Yeah, it's spiked Lee.

I dose Lee. I told Lee to eat it. And then, in fact, I thought it was marijuana. It was not. Oh, my God. I liked it because I didn't get, I didn't start hallucinating. So it just was kind of like a mild weed.

I wish that you got a pound. I love you guys. I wish they gave me a pound of it. I would have fucking. and gave Lee a half of it and then told him his mushrooms after I put a laid Led Zeppelin fan I would have put that Zeppelin on fucking

That's what Lee needs. They'll take him to the other side. Oh no, it's terrible. Do you get high? He lives in Denver. What do you think he does? He walks around and gives out candy. Putting on that music freaks me out.

You do that to me all the time. I have to do it, too. You make me put it on the headphones. We're going to put music on time in the car. We're going crazy down Laurel Canyon, you know how we do it. My brother, Denver. you. Happy New Year. Thank you for being

a soldier. What's your first name again? Jared. J-A-R-E-D. Love you, man. Jared, thank you very much for calling it. I love you. Thank you for watching this show and for being a part of it, man. Do you want to do a couple more? Yeah. What's up, Doug? Matt Slabor. What's up, my brother? Where the fuck you've been?

You know, what's happening, man? I'm over here. Oh, shit. Hey, buddy. It's an honor to be on, man. This is Sean over in East Harlem. What's up? East Harlem, New York? Yeah, man God damn, Sean I fucking love you,

you bad motherfucker You over there in Harlem Smoking that chocolate Buddha Thai Getting Chinese delivery Indeed, man I'm at 112th and second man Oh my God I've been living up here for about

11 years now And it's just funny I've heard you on Various podcasts before Just reference like certain You know A couple streets and corners up here

And I Sometimes when I walk around, I just think, I wonder if, like, I wonder if Joey Diaz has come through this spot at some point. Oh, my God. I was wondering if you could drop, like, a funny East Harlem story on me. Well, I had an aunt that lived on where the mouth of the park was, 113th and 5th. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, and I'm not lying to you.

You know, I don't know if you know this. I don't know if you're from that area. In the mid-70s, that area. was the real deal. Like, there's areas. There's people who say to you, you know what? When you go there, don't go out at night. Nothing happens.

At this place, shit went on at night. How would you... I've made a handful of friends around here, just, you know, people who are around. I mean, even in the, you know, 80s, 90s, and just we're talking about how different it is now. It's a funny thing. I mean, it's even different. I got here in 2002, and it's different now from, you know,

from the way it was then, which is, I can't even imagine how drastic it must have been back then. How is it now? It's cool, man. It is a little different. I love getting people mostly mind their own business, but I was always looking to put a word on it, and then you started saying, Gentiles, I heard it from you, and it kind of makes sense.

You're starting to see. I mean, we're getting priced out of here after a while. I mean, we live not far, like, right at the street from, like, Jefferson Projects area. Okay. Now, where did you grow up originally? I'm from Lehigh Valley, to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Okay, yeah, yeah.

I had a buddy went to East Stroudsburg, too. So the stories you told me about East Stroudsburg made me laugh as well. Now, Lehiiye was the big wrestling college. Yes. Back in the day, I mean, big, big. That's where you went with. You were five, four and shorter. Yes.

Yeah, Lehigh area partied up there a lot. Man, it's, yeah. So I moved up here to get into audio recording. and I got into that. That was based that's been my gig for the past 10 years. And I'm in a position. I actually teach at an audio recording school. And your podcast, man, I got to be honest,

there's times where I will totally take the, it's contagious when you just yell, get up. You know, it's a funny, simple thing. But I'm in a position sometimes where I'm in a room full of, you know, young people who just need to hear something that simple. You've said many times about, you know, if you just tuned into the basic CNN or whatever on the news in the morning, how fucking depressing it would be. And you guys just, you know, take a different angle and it's much more positive. Sometimes people just need to hear, you know, get up.

So I just wanted to let you guys know. I totally get, you know, the, I'm, it's cool to see the consistency, man. And you guys have, you know, never, never slipping. Like, you're on Twitter every day and everything. It's cool to, you know, a lot of people need to hear that shit sometimes. I love you guys. As much as I help you guys, you guys have, I've learned from you. I've learned so much from you.

I try to be better for you guys. I try to do, I try to lose weight. I try to do anything I can to show you that we, nobody could tell you you can't do anything. I'm sick of fucking rules There's no rules, man There's no fucking rules Even Lee man It's funny to see

It's awesome to see You know The way he's running shit now You know It's different I've been in it since the first one man I remember when I followed the Beauty and the Bees podcast

You did I think Was that last episode with Tom Driesen One of those Yeah Tom Driesen It was I remember I heard that And I was just like God damn That was a fucking good podcast

And then It kind of just tapered off and I was like, what happened? And I saw on Twitter, you were doing your own thing, man. I was, so I've been, I've been listening since the first episode. I don't, I may have missed a few moments here or there, but I've definitely gotten a piece of probably almost every podcast, man. It's, like I said, consistency.

It's, uh, it's something that a lot of people, you know, you always talk about your word and, and shit like that. And it's, uh, like I said, a lot of young people need to hear it these days. And it's, uh, it's cool that that's what you guys put forth all the time. You know, I got a great co-captain. I got a 26-year-old co-captain that once a week, I go, this fucking kid has never even called in sick. Like, if this was turned around and I was 26,

I would have fucking never showed up, like, the 10 of them. Like, I would have snorted coke. Yeah, I mean, the edibles alone, I mean, there's times where I'll have a panic attack for him. You know, just listening. It's hard to complain about edibles. I mean, it is fun when it's happening. it's just too much sometimes. I'm sitting here...

No, but it's awesome, man. I'm sitting here in envy of you. I'm sitting here because you're living in a great place. Like, I know a lot of people... Yeah, it's an interesting ride here, man. People call them from Bill, Montana, and New Orleans, and just the different people.

I'm sitting here in fucking awe tonight. I'm really in awe tonight. And, you know, in Jersey City, and now you're in East Harlem. That was an area that people were trying to get out of. Like a hundred and 13th and fit was horribly. I would be scared to go there. I'm from Boston.

I went to New York thousands of times on those buses. And like when I started to look to go maybe live there, I would never live in Harlem. I've heard horror stories. That's cool. It's funny because, you know, there's, I mean, Joe, you've been to like eastern Pennsylvania. you know, I mean, you said,

I know you said you parted in East Stroudsburg way back in the day, but East Trousburg, Rooksbury. Oh, my God. Pennsylvania is a fucking great state at the end of the week. It really is. Right. It's funny, though, now if you go to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, like, I... Oh, my God.

I always joke that shit is, like, back to the future, too, because when I was moving away out of that area, it was just abandoned steel mills, and you go back now, and it's like the fuck there's the casino there so the whole area that I grew up has completely changed

it's uh it's it's just surreal when you go back there now but yeah it's funny man up in in Harlem you can uh you know I've never really had much of a problem there's definitely

you know you gotta be aware of your surroundings and shit but it's just funny there's these little offshoot neighborhoods even in PA that now it's just I mean 10 times I'm worse

you hear some of the stories there it's just like Oh, I'm glad I live in East Harlem. Actually, it sounds, you know, I guess a little more rough than it is, but for the most part, people are nice here, mind their own business, you know? What did you tell your mom in East Bethlehem when you were moving to East Harlem, when you were moving to East Harlem, which you freaked out? Because before I moved, I used to hang out, you know, there's not a whole lot to do in that area of,

I mean, I guess there's more than a lot of places, but like Allentown, Pennsylvania area, and it's like, if you went out in Allentown, enough, you'll run in. to some problem, even if you're not looking for it. You know, there's a lot of shady areas there. But New York's Manhattan, for the most part, I mean, you're, it's a pretty smooth ride if you, you know, the further you get up into Harlem, obviously, is, you know, you're taking, you know, you're taking a risk up there. But, I mean, I'll walk my dog all hours of the night, never had a problem.

Now, how long does it take it? What do you do to get into Manhattan? What kind of train do you take? Well, I'll get on the six years. train and I worked down just below Union Square. So if I'm traveling, I mean, I got family in Virginia, Philadelphia, most of my family's all Philadelphia area. So I'll just talk right on an Amtrak or like Jersey Transit or something. But yeah, man, that's the one thing about living in the city is, you know, I don't have to have a car, but at the same time, I just got over, you know, I don't know

lots of car running and shit just getting around over the holidays, which is kind of a pain in the ass. But, yeah, man, Manhattan's a cool spot. He's Tallinn. I love you, man. Thank you for calling in. Listen, happy New Year,

and I'll see you at Gothamore. One of the clubs next year. Most definitely, man. I was there two years ago. I'll see you again next time around. I love you, man. Thank you very much for the love and the support always. Stay black and stay beautiful.

Most definitely. Thanks to you guys. You've got it. Close the window. Close the window. All right, let's do this one. What's up? Where you've been?

What's up, Uncle Joey? What's up, my brother? Oh, shit. Where are you? I'm Mexico. I'm Mexico. On the border between Texas and Mexico. No shit.

Shit, you're not. It's crazy, but fuck it. You got to live somewhere, no? Yeah. Have I talked to you on Facebook or Twitter? I don't think so. I'm not really active on Twitter or any of that. I got too much shit to do.

Now, are you close to Brownsville? Or this is Brownsville. No, I'm about two hours away from Brownsville. I'm in Laredo. Laredo, okay. That's what Jerry Roach is from, right? So it's in Texas, not Mexico. Right.

Okay. Okay, that's where you're in. All right, what's going on down there for work? What are you doing? No, well, I'm actually, I'm down here for the holidays, visiting the family. I go to college up in Denton, University of North Texas. Okay. But, uh, but, but yeah, I just, I want to tell him a huge fan. I love everything you do.

I try to convert all my friends to the church. They're all loving it. But, uh, I, I've always wanted to ask, because you always talk about how you were your own worst sending me and you got in the way of yourself and the self-sabotage. It cannot feel on the same way, you know, you know, that weird, crazy Latin thing in the head. And I wonder, how do you really, how do you really kind of, how did you stop yourself from getting in your own way? If I may ask. I know, maybe you talked about it a million times, but I feel, you know, I need to ask. You know, Papa, I took responsibility.

It's, it's so fucking crazy. It's so fucking crazy how one thing could generate 10 things to go wrong. I'll give you an example. And this happens in life, the guys like us, this fucking happens. you're supposed to get up at 8.30. You're supposed to leave for work at 8.30, but you went out the night before and got your dick sucked, and you left at 9, and as you go to make a right turn,

now your car gets hit. And now you get towed because you didn't pay a parking ticket. You know, and then you go to yourself, how come things happen to me? Well, if you would have got up at 8.30 and not gone out the night before, you would have avoided all that. I just stuck to the rules. I stuck to the book.

self-sabotage, oh my God. And when you see it happening in the news, when you see somebody do it, you go, oh, my God, that fucking guy had everything. It's the worst thing. I did it for years. I still do it. I still do it.

When things are too good, we always put our foot in our mouth because I'm lying to you. I haven't done it in a while. But it was a point where things were, when things were going too good, I'd have to do something. Yeah, that's what I feel all the time I feel.

And maybe it's the weird Catholic thing, because I was, you know, Mexican, hardcore Catholic, where I feel almost, you know, you feel guilty of everything's too good, so you've got to fuck up a little bit just to get back down. And I, you know, I don't know why.

And I feel like because my friends do the same thing, all my, my Tios and Primos, it's kind of the same bullshit, you know what I mean? But it's a cycle. It's a cycle, Pop. It's a fucking cycle that we keep, You know, you know, it's like when I live in L.A. Everybody's always 15 minutes late.

Oh, the 405. I fucking know that. And you know the 405 is packed. Why don't you leave a fucking hour ago? Now I got to go. So the meeting is a fucking one. But all those little things is things that keep you off track and self-sabotized.

So when you're trying to get back, you got to do everything by the fucking rules. If you're supposed to pay the light bill, you know how for years, you know, everything is going good. you're supposed to pay the light bill, but some girl told you to meet her at the bar, and you buy a gram a blow,

and now you got a Coke rock in the pussy, and now you don't have money for the fucking light bill. You know, after a while, you go, fuck it, I'm going to pay the light bill. On the second, that's when it's due. So it's everything. We've got to be on point for everything. And after a while, you start practicing it?

I'll tell you the simplest one. You want me to tell you the simplest one? Do you know how many fucking planes I missed living in their life from 2002 from 2002 to 2006 guys do you have many fucking planes I missed why? Because I actually thought

that if my plane left at 8th I could leave my house in 7 and because I don't know why they would let me in because I was good looking they were going to let me through the line and I kept missing flights and you know what I don't miss it flight's normal because it becomes contagious once you start doing the right thing all the time

then you go you know what so if I do it this way and there's no drama why would I do it that other way and have drama and that just applies to a lot of things Papa so just thank you so I'm sorry to interrupt disrespectful but thank you so much Joey thank you Thank you, Tio. Thank you, my brother. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Thank you for calling, man.

I know you're busy over the holidays. Thank you, my brother. All right. Thank you, too, brother. What's happening? Oh, shit, son. Oh, shit, son is right. You bad motherfucker.

Talk to me. Holy fuck. Hey, this is boss from up in Minnesota. Freezing my balls off. How you doing to that, Uncle Joey? Tell the rest of these pussy what the weather is up there tonight. It's minus something, man.

Always, always. Right now until fucking February, it'll be 30 minus 30, minus 18, that type of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should leave. California dreaming, brother, California dreaming. Yeah, you should move some away from that. Thinking about it, thinking about it. Anyways, hey, I got a dirty cock sucker story for you.

You guys got a minute? Hit me, hit me. Okay, here we go. I did like 22 years in the Air Force. I spent a lot of time over in Japan. pan. There's a base over there called Cadena. They got three fighter squadrons there, the 12

fighter squadron, the 44th, and the 67th. One is the dirty dozen, the 12th. The 44th is the vampire bats, the cocks, the suckers, and the 67th is the fighting cock. For my 22 years, I only made it the cock sucker, but there's a few

people out there that can call themselves real... So what do you think they are? There's a few, but not many. How long were you in the Air Force for? 22 years, my brother? 22 years, a little over 22 years. Where were you stationed?

Japan, Florida. You are a dirty-cock sucker. You got to let those Koreans sucky-fucky. They gave you massages. They stuck a finger up your ass. You don't even do colonoscopies no more. So you retired after 22 years, correct? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to ask you a few questions now, and you receive a pension, correct? Say again. you receive a pension, correct? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then now you pick up another job, and you have full benefits. So that means you and your family have insurance, life insurance. If you want to go back to school, you have all these benefits available to you, correct?

Yeah, a little bit of benefits. It's not so bad. Jesus fucking Christ. My two cousins are on it. My cousin was at Katrina for two years, and the other one just got certified to do the in-air fueling. and he's going like Hawaii, he's going all over the world. My other cousin, she was just in England. Yeah, if you get on one of those refuelers, you're everywhere, brother. Yeah.

But my other cousin literally just got back, like, a month ago from, like, somewhere in the Middle East that are, like, taking down the bases. So she was there for, like, six or seven months. I've always wondered what my life would have been like if I wouldn't have been a pussy and taken the blood test before when I was 17. Hey, go out and find out, Uncle Joy. There's a lot of military loves your show. loves the stuff.

You do go out there and do some USO shows. No, it's not even that. I always felt guilty about not being in the service. And I have friends that I'm very jealous of them. I'm very jealous that somebody would be getting a check once a month, benefits at 40, 41, 42, 43 maybe. And now they go get other jobs in the security field and they're making six figures and they still get the fucking pension.

Everybody's happy. And, you know, I'm not saying that you, you know, it's just a, a great commitment, and people go, well, you try doing 20 years being around a bunch of assholes, you know? And then you see how fast it 20 years go, brother? Tell these young kids. How fucking fast is 20 years go? It's a blink of an eye. Unbelievable.

Like, you're like, oh, my God, 10 years just went by. Fuck it, I'll fucking smoke pot for another three. And all of a sudden, you're done. What kind of work are you doing now? Actually, I'm just doing some part-time dishwasher at a local VA hospital here. Just making sure my brother's over there at the hospital eat right every day. Well, brother, thank you for calling in. Thank you for the first country.

Thank you. Just thank you on Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. And thank you for being a part of our lives, man. You guys are great. I'm so happy to that. I did this episode with Lee. Oh, yeah, it was great. It was great.

I'm really happy to listen to you. I've been a lot of time punching numbers, but I'm glad you and Mr. Siyat there do that for us. I appreciate the call in. And, yeah, happy New Year, happy Hanukkah, holidays, all that, and seeing in 2015. All right, brother. Thank you for the call. All right. Take it easy.

You too. Bye, man. This person is a week. Hit me. What's up, baby? Yo, what's going on, Joey? I can't call it, man. I'm sorry we kept you waiting.

Lee's fucking around tonight. He's a little high. So he forgot to press the buttons He goes this poor fucking guy's been here for 35 minutes What's up, brother? Yo, what's going on? Yo, I'm calling from China, man. This is pretty wild.

Oh, you're a channel. Oh, shit. What are you doing in China, bro? Yeah, I'm a white dude. I'm an American, but I work over here and using my office phone right now to call you guys. It had a California number.

Yeah, yeah, we're in L.A. company, so we got one of these Cisco IP phones so we can use, like, my L.A. company's number through the internet. How long have you been out there for? I've been here about six years. And what kind of job is it? I work in media,

sort of like YouTube stuff for China, but YouTube's blocks, so there's all sorts of like Chinese video platforms we work with. How did you get involved in this? This sounds interesting as far. Yeah, I studied Chinese in college, and I used to teach over here, and I've always been in the media and video stuff,

so I started working at this company a couple years ago. and manage a bunch of talent in China and produce some videos and stuff like that. So it's pretty wild. It's pretty good. Where are you from originally? From Maryland. Damn, you missed the crab cakes or fuck that shit? Yeah, I fucking missed the crab.

They got crabs here, but they fucking blow compared to the Maryland crabs. Yeah, they got that cancel water off the fucking, they got that Ebola water and shit. You can't get that nowhere else. You know, and I was in Baltimore and I was. in my Baltimore this year. You know, Ebola was hot, and I was telling them that's where I started saying that joke. I'm like, you know, the rest of the country's worried about Ebola. I hope you people in Maryland aren't worried about Ebola.

You eat those fucking cramps. No, we're not fucking worried about. They're fucking cancel water. There's hands in there in that water and shit, that fucking harbor. What's his name? What's the guy that has the barbecue place at the stadium? I don't even know, man. I'm not from Baltimore.

No, I don't know. Fucking thought. What if I hit you in the head with this fucking water? Why would Toby Keith have a barbecue place? He hasn't in Boston? Well, I'm talking about the Baltimore fucking whatever. He's a dusty baker. I don't know what his fucking name is.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. What kind of food do you eat out there? They got good Chinese food out there. Nothing like American-A-of-course. They got good Chinese. They got those egg rolls and shit like New Jersey. Do they? Yeah, they got better egg rolls out here, I'd say.

Do they really? Do you have a Chinese girlfriend? No, I got an American wife. Okay, no worries. You still got a Chinese girl? I just had a kid, actually. I wanted to ask you, what are some good activities to do when you're high and you're watching your kid? How old is the child?

He's about six weeks old. Oh, yeah, just put him on your arm and look straight ahead. Don't wait by none. He ain't going nowhere for six fucking months. You could be stoned to the fucking gills and put him on your neck like a fucking... What's those animals you put on your neck? Jerbils? I don't fucking...

No, no. Yeah, a parrot, too. No, you're talking about the minks. Yeah, whatever the fuck you call. The ferrets. Ferrets. Ferrets. I saw a guy once with a ferret.

Yeah. My buddy used to put a ferret in his hood of sweatshirt. Fucking disgusting. But, hey, man, congratulations on the birth of your child. This is the first one? His name is Gage. First one? Say again?

First child? First child, yeah. Congratulations, brother. Nah. Six weeks you smoke a fucking number Wash your hands real well Sit down and have your wife just put his head Into the crease of your fucking elbow

And just put on whatever the hell you're watching And enjoy because in a year You won't have that remote control no more I don't even have remote There's two remote controls She just comes over and grabs them from me now And the Ruku We gotta hide that motherfucker

She goes crazy So enjoy this time and yeah it's a great time in your life and I'm happy you're in China look at you bad motherfucker did you go see Ari when he was there this summer yeah I did see Ari yeah bad motherfucker that's so cool

oh my god and how is it with a lot of Chinese people in the room or just Americans it was a pretty mixed crowd a number of Chinese but a lot of Americans Europeans there's actually there's kind of a burgeoning comedy scene here

a lot of comedians are coming over from the U.S. and UK I'll tell you what We're hoping the church will come over here too Once fucking they lift this warren in Seattle Popper will be on his way to Ming Ho Oh, we'll be the first one in China What's we? What do you got a mouse in your pocket? I'm going to China.

I ain't taking the China, cucksucker. You got to dumplings and stuff? You ain't going to China. You got to bring the flying Jew over here. He ain't allowed over there. He's Israeli. They got to deal with the fucking Chinese people. You can't be Israelis.

You're going to give the other callers a chance. So, you know, nice talking to you guys. Hey, man. I appreciate. the call. Very interesting. I love you. Stay black and stay beautiful. I have a great time with your child. All right. Peace. Thank you. You got it, brother.

All right. Let's see. What's up? What's up? Yo, talking to the phone. This ain't the FBI. It's Uncle Joey. Oh, shit. Uncle Joey. Oh, man. Come on, dog. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with some fucking novice here?

No novice. You call your contact away. I answer the phone way. The same some fucking company This ain't sprint. I know the phone call. Oh, fuck, really? What's up, brother?

Where are you calling from? Where are you calling from? It's an honor to talk to you on the phone, man. Fuck all that nonsense. Where are you calling from, brother? Reno Nevada. Oh, shit, actually. And what's your name?

What's up, buddy? How are you? Not much. It's here at my house. It's my birthday, actually, today. Happy birthday. See, it's an honor talking to you, you bad, motherfuckeruck.

I'm an honor him. I'm a felon. He's a Jew. He should have been a, an attorney, he fucked up. And now look, I'm sitting here with... How you doing, Lee? How you doing, man?

Pretty good. My name's Arturo, by the way. Arturo, what's happening, my brother? What kind of work you do up there in Reno? He works at the Bunny Ranch. Oh, he does work at the Bunny Ranch? No. Oh.

Do you? I got the Mustang Ranch close by. I've been there one time. Was it cool? Yeah. I met a black chick named Vivica. My friend actually talked me into it. but it's my

it's a good experience Did they lick your asshole? Oh no shit I was laughing too long Let you start freaking out Yeah you gotta pay the extra 20 For an hour The extra 20

I'll tongue that little muffler Arturo will tongue that fucking muffly You'll be hearing Spanish music in your head You understand I actually I actually I actually Okay and that's what you do for a living

That's what you do for a living my brother Well, I've been doing it. It's one of my passions. Just one passion I have. What are you doing for a living? What do you do for a living, Arturo? I work at a warehouse, actually. Okay.

You're putting the pieces together. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go to college soon. I'm still thinking majors because I'm interested in a lot of stuff. I listen to you and Rogan's podcast, all the other comedians. They look me up a lot and just

put the pieces on table first. me and I just want to make good choices and good heart, everything I learned from you guys. It's amazing. You sound like a nice kid, man. You're young and... Yeah, I'm really nice. Listen, bro, you got the world by the same. I don't have a father figure, so I'm all over the place and stuff.

All right, well, Lee's going to be your stepfather figure. How's that? And I'll be your uncle figure. And I'll be your uncle figure. You see what I'm saying, brother? It all works out, Arturo. Yeah. Having a father's over ready.

Have Lee for a part-time fucking dead. He's Jewish. I'll go hang out with some edibles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Arturo. You sound like a nice kid. Everything works out, my brother. You got a good heart. You're doing the right thing.

You're not out there fucking manipulating. Yeah, I do. Spread the love, man. All back. That's all you could do, man. We try it here every day. This has been very interesting talking to you guys. So I love you, Arturo.

I'm going to go back up to Reno. Don't forget to go see Felipe this week, cock sucker. Oh, yeah. I'll give some candy, too. I got some edible. for him. Okay, don't forget. Tell him Uncle Joey sent you, right?

Show, man. Like a doctor. I love you. Oh, my heart. You too. Happy New Year. Thank you. Thank you.

Two things. Yo, what's up? Where you've been, dog? I'm over here waiting on your call. A little slow out here. Jesus Christ. A truck stop in Jersey City. No, no.

Kansas City. All right, don't buy the meth. I bought meth there at that truck stop one time. They sold me. fucking vanilla ice cream. Don't buy the fucking meth in Kansas City, Coxaca. What's going on, brother? How are you?

I'm good. I'm just traveling. I'm a driver. Okay. And usually I'm not up this late, but, you know, New Year's tomorrow and all that, so I thought I kept to church live tonight, and so you can call in. So I thought I'd call in a lot. I saw you back in 0.8.

You open for Rogan. Man, thank you. I was a long time ago. That's a good fucking club. Yeah, yeah, I caught all the beauty and the beast, and I've been pretty religious on the church. I haven't missed one yet. Man, you're the real fucking deal. Thank you very much. But, yeah, you guys keep me company on the road. But I just want to call and say, you know, thank you.

You go coast to coast? No, mostly east of... Okay. You haul beer. Beer? I whole beer. Okay. Fuck, yeah.

That's a good job. Do you like it? Yeah. I loved, when I drove cross-country a few times, I loved it. I always thought it would be cool. Do you enjoy it? I didn't have funny because I lost my job in insurance because it was easy.

And I remember you talking about that on a podcast, how you said that might be, you know, some of you'd be interested in. You know, I'm heading down to the one, checking Kansas City. And, you know, it's kind of fun. I live on the road with my dog. And I got a storage unit in St. Louis where I keep a truck, you know, like a pickup truck. So I go to, you know, baseball games and stuff like that.

So, I mean, at first I didn't like it, but... That sounds like it could be fun. Just going old. Like, what you did, Joy, on the bus. How old do you know? Right, I'll be 32. Yeah, you're a young man. It's fucking part.

That's a party. You still don't get hemorrhoids either. You just sit there. You good, you stretch. You know, you do some yoga on the road. You got the dog with you. I'm listening to you guys, and I'm listening to stop feeling good, trying to, you know, I'm listening to what you guys are saying.

But yeah, I throw kettlebells around and, you know, sometimes outside the truck. But the truck is big enough. It's like a, you know. Brother, I'm happy you called. Thank you very much. Be safe. I love you and happy holidays. But thank you for all the love and support over the years.

You too, brother. Bye, buddy. All right. All right, I got to get out of here. I got to go do a spot at the comedy store. I got to tell you something. This is one of the most funnest podcasts I've had in a long time talking to all the people from different parts of the country. This is what I wanted it to be.

for some people might have been annoying all over the world in China yeah fucking people from China call who the fuck ever calls you cucked suckers with China they ain't calling you could like for some investment movie they kidnapped your aunt and they'll trade her for fucking white shirt or some shit

anyway man I like this I like doing this and we're going to try to do these twice a month listen I like doing formats I like the guests I like the people calling in I like myself and Lee it's how we feel it's how we roll by every day

We're going to give you a great show no matter what Or at least we're going to try to give you a fucking great show This is what you guys have done for us You make us be the best podcast as we can So thank you motherfuckers with all my heart I want to give the shoutouts I did to You know all the guys Whether you buy me undies or get a fucking

Vap pen or whatever You know you're always helping us out I want to thank you guys in the bottom of my heart Whether it's a Hiddy Sig or a Dragon TV Or a T-shirt you've gotten the flying juice stuff and thank you for always support Lee from day one.

Thank you for, uh, you know, having his back. You know, we have your back guys and this is what we do, Lee, you know. That's pretty awesome, right? Yeah, it's cool. And then we get high and Lee gets fucked up

and eats 18 subway sandwiches. But this is funnly. What else would you be doing? You'd be at home right now, doing what on the phone texting. I texted. I pulled out of the phone. In the fucking car.

Listen, he's not... I was saying goodbye. He's not in the car two minutes. He's on the phone with her at the house. From the fucking apartment door to the car, he's texting about whatever the fuck the fuck the macaroons or whatever fuck, you know. You should just cut her off at the apartment. We'll talk tonight when I get back. That's that's it.

And I texted her one more time. He's texting the car. I'm getting in the car. You get 18,000 calls during the night. I don't get no fucking calls. You always get phone calls. But the call is a call. You've been on the phone with her in the apartment.

You walk to the car. car texting it and then you get in the car and give her another fucking text. And if I don't say nothing to you, you'll text the whole fucking rhyme. Yeah, I miss you. Back and forth. Let's go eat taco. Who gives a fuck? I'll call you when I get back by.

Bam. The fuck. What type of jewelry, you, Cog sucker? A good one? 2015 is going to be a good year for you guys. Especially if you've been listening to the podcast. You know, maybe you pick up little things. You learn little things.

I mean, I just learned this shit along the fucking way, man. You know, 31 years ago, I saw a friend of mine get his ear bit off on fucking New Year's by Danny B, the guy who calls in here, and I decided, I didn't know what the fuck to decide. I know I was going to drink on New Year's no more, and we made it for this. But anyway, I want to thank all our fucking sponsors, you know. On it, they've been with us since day one. Do I believe it on it?

Fuck, yeah. The strong bonus helped me. They have protein shakes have helped me. They have protein bars have helped me. The fucking new mood has helped me. The shroom tech has helped me. You know, when I get on planes, when I want more energy, the immune has helped me. So am I not going to fucking sit here and tell you it hasn't helped me?

Yeah. Is it the end all be all? Will you die without it? No, I'm not going to say that to you. But it's a great fucking product. You know? And then I like the fact that they give you 100% guarantee on something. Who the fuck this is that?

American Airlines don't do that. Southwest don't do that. You know, when you go to a supermarket and they give you a shitty fucking chicken, they might give you the $4 back, but if you wait it, they're not going to give you the fucking $4 back. How do you know it's going to be a shitty chicken? These motherfuckers don't even give a fuck. Sell them, Tommy, you don't like it,

and they'll send you back your $40 fucking dollars. For the alpha brain. For the alpha brain. Somebody who does that, I got to do business with them. Because they'll let me know what they got is the real hill, my holy field. It's not going to work for everybody. Maybe your body's a little different, whatever.

testosterone didn't work for me. It made me react differently. My doctor said he did it for 30 years. Only two people had the reaction I had. Everybody's fucking different people. Go to Onet.com. Go to Onet.com. Just look around their webpage.

That's all I ever ask of you. Just look around. Read what they got to offer you. You know? Go to... If you have a doubt, just order the fucking alpha brain. Start there. If that works for you the next month,

try the new mood. If that works for you, try the hemp force protein. But try it. Don't just fucking sit there. Go to honor.com and press in. Church. Boom! C-H-U-R-C-H and get 10% off your first order,

whatever the fuck you order it. And then, you know what you're going to do? You're going to do the stay-on-it program. We just stay on it. You give me your credit card. Whatever fuck you want to give them and they'll mail it to you once a month direct to your door.

You don't got to leave. You don't got to go to CVS and get protein powder. None of that shit. That's how we roll, all right? So, Merry fucking Christmas. Happy New Year. It should start with fucking honor.

I enjoy. Dragon TV. Are you fucking kidding me or what? What are you going to do tomorrow night? So you're going to go on, you're going to get your dick suck, you're going to get drunk. You're going to wake up Thursday morning dehydrated. What are you going to do? You're going to binge watch television. Start with a kung fu movie.

Why not? Why not? You might as well learn a fucking flying psychic. Go to Iron Dragon TV. They got all the movies you're looking for. Even if you haven't seen it, just scroll. All I ever ask is for you people to go and look and then make your fucking decision from there. All right?

Go to Iron Dragon TV, see what they got. Whether it's the Jet Lee movies, do they have Jet Lee? I think so, and Jackie Chan. Jackie Chan, for sure. The Itman series, they're not fucking around. Go to Iron Dragon TV, go on there. You like what they get. You get two free movies.

What are they pressing the box? Joey. Joey, in the box, you get two free movies. This ain't no hokey dope fucking company. It's going to be gone. People are Nanotech. All right, they sponsor Tim Kennedy. That's what my man was doing.

Tuesday, if you're in Las Vegas, you ain't doing dick. on the 7th, the 2 o'clock. Wednesday, the 7th. Wednesday, the 7th. I'm sorry. 2 p.m. go to the CESC

show, the convention electronic showcase, correct? Consumer electronic. Consumer convention. I got no fucking. It's booth 1-5-4-2-3. That's it.

154-2-3. Say hello to Tim Kennedy. Ask him about fucking shooting people and shit, dropping grenades on motherfuckers. And he'll let you know what's crack or lacking. But before you do that,

On Wednesday, do me a favor. Tomorrow. You're going to be sitting there or Thursday. You're going to be sitting there watching all. Do me a favor. Go to Iron Dragon TV and get two Kung Fu movies on the fucking arm. Your Uncle Joey. You're right.

Who's better than you? I love you Dave Foley, cuck sucker. Number two, Dave Foley owns this thing. He's a bad motherfucker. Meandis.com. Why are you sitting there with those rotten fucking underwears that look like somebody finger banged you with a fucking fib finger? Why are you doing that to yourself?

What is the hip fingers like? I don't fucking know, all right? This is not a joke, people. You know what the feeling of? They're putting ratty, old saggy fucking underwear on? You don't get no self-confidence. When your underwear suck dick, you suck dick. Think about it.

When your underwear suck, you fucking suck. You're not preppy, you're not jumping up and down. You just fucking exist them like a mook. Do me a favor. I wore my mother. fucking meandis today to the park. It was freezing. I always said it's freezing. I went to do kettle bells. I put my

Miandis on under the fucking shorts. I put a hundred sweatshirt on my balls, my asshole. Everything was nice and warm. It kept it nice, tight, the gluteous muscles. Meandies are tremendous. They just feel good. When I'm working out, I don't have to, I feel confident

that my nuts sac's not going to pop out there like some, you know, some fucking malucia ball just waving around like some wrecking ball. Next to know, Miley's Cyrus is hiding some fucking tree jumping up and down singing songs. You know what I'm saying? You want nice fresh underwear. Women like nice

fresh fucking underwear. They don't want to fucking take your underwear's off in this shit in there and a skid mark. They want to know your underwear as a friend. Look at this motherfucker. He's hip. He's got Miandis. Go to Meandies.com. Cut it out. Cut it out. Start the new year off with some nice fucking underwear.

Go to Meandis.com and press them what, Lee? Joey. Joey. And get 20% off your order and free delivery to the United States and Canada. Free motherfucking shipping. All right? I think this ends now, tomorrow, today. Stop fucking around.

Go to meandis.com right now and press in what? Oh shit! And get 20% off your order plus free shipping to Canada or the United States. It all starts with your shoes and your underwear and your nutsack. That's what the confidence comes from. If you're not feeling good around your head, you're fucking... My bell. everything feels bad, get the most comfortable fucking underwear out there.

Meundis.com. All right, I'm not going to fucking tell you cut this again. Don't make them do it. Don't make me fucking do it. So last week I'm minding my own business, and I get one of these at the door. Oh, no. And I open up the door, and there's nobody there. I'm thinking there's a bag of shit on fire, and I go to step on it,

and there's a fucking box from Naturebox.com. That's much better than a thing of shit. I don't care what they sent me. They sent me the cocoa almonds. They sent me there. You know how I wrote. They sent me the fucking cinnamon kernels. They sent me the high-oxidant, the Nature Mex to have with chocolate and cashews and shit like that.

That's delicious. I see none of it here. Well, God, it's nothing. You weren't around. I called you. You didn't call me. You're reading with the Mexicans jumping off the time. You never call me when there's NatureBoss.

I'm telling you right now, five fucking bags of food they give you for free. Free, free, free, free. I think this ends December 31st. And they pay for shipping. And they pay for shipping. All you got to do is go to Naturebox.com and press in. Joey. Joey, tell them what you want.

Tell them what you're like. Crunchy. Crunchies. Tell them what the cocoa almonds. If you're gluten-free. The food. The gluten-free stuff. The vegan.

Oh, they sent me the plantains. Ooh. The South Pacific Plantains. So plantains, the high-energy mix, which is like chocolate. It was like ashy, almond, stuff like that. They sent me the candy corn, the corn with the cinnamon swirl. I didn't try that. I remember to get it again.

Who do you think you're dealing with it? But please get the cocoa almonds. They're going to change your whole fucking life. Go to naturebox.com and press in. Joey. And get 20% off. No, no, no. No.

Get a free fucking box sent to your house. You pick it. Sorry about that. Naturebox.com. Listen, on it. Iron Dragon TV. Me on these. Nature Box.

I love you guys. I love the people listening to the podcast. I love the people who called in for that. We're going to do this again. Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart for fucking being, making us a fucking podcast. Thank you very much for making us a family.

You guys, motherfucking rock. Happy New Year. See you in 2015. Don't forget this. Tickets still available for tomorrow night. It's a stand-up show, live podcast, slash. We're just going to have a good fucking time. 8 o'clock. You're out of that by 10. January 22nd, Buffalo.

January 29th, the Foniboney Columbus, Ohio. I love you, motherfucker. Stay black. Now that the show's over, don't forget to go to naturebox.com and sign up to get your free sample box of great tasting, healthy snacks. Forget the vending machine

and start snacking smarter with delicious barbecue kettle kernels. Go to naturebox.com slash joey. That's naturebox.com.com slash Joey. Go to meundies.com. And look at all the pictures of the men's and women's underwear they have for you. When you go to meandie's.

slash Joey, you're going to get 20% off of your first order, and you're also going to get free shipping in the United States and Canada. Go to honor.com and use covert shirts to get 10% off of, order of their supplements like Applebrainer, New Mood, and go to iron dragontiv.com, and use covert Joey to get two free rentals of all the great movies. And again, if you're going to see ES in Las Vegas, which is a ton of fun, go to Nanotex booth, booth number 154, two, three.