The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #245 - Billy Corben, Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: January 5, 2015

Billy Corben, Director of "The U: Part 2 and many more amazing documentaries, calls in to Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Fight The Power -Public Enemey I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Van Halen - Mean Streets   Recorded on 01/05/2015

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and taking pictures. Oh shit, shit. Oh, what? Oh, shit. We're back, motherfuckers. January 5th. Oh, shit. Another winter.

Sound of the fucker drummer. Get up. Wash your pussy, motherfucker. It's a whole new year. I don't want to hear you fucking grind this year. This is your year from the start. It starts today, motherfucker. What?

Oh. What? We've got to fight the power that beat. Get up. The power. How is you? Fight that motherfucker. Wash that pussy. Wash that asshole. Powder them balls. Shine your shoes. Brush your teeth. comb your hair. Get out there. The church, motherfuckers. What the fuck is going on? Get up, you filthy motherfuckers. Happy New Year. It's 2015.

When reality, it's just another day and you got a motherfucking job to do. Get the fuck up, motherfuckers. Write your goals. It starts today. You're going to quit smoking. You're going to do this. You ain't going to fucking blow kids behind the fucking amusement park no more. It all starts motherfucking today, bitches. It's a new year. Put that behind you. It's a new year. That's it. These motherfuckers make a new day. It's a new day and you're getting a second fucking chance. The church

what's happening now? What's up? You bad motherfucking ju-you. Hey buddy, you're fired up. I got to be. It's a whole new fucking year and I got to let these people know that that's it. The fucking game is over. You've been putting shit off for too long. And that's it. I'm excited. fucking whole new year, whole new set of rules.

I love it. But in reality, again. It kind of hit me this year for the first time. I'm like, wait, it's just another day tomorrow. It doesn't feel any different. No difference.

It's amazing when you wake up New Year's Day. Like, you think like, nothing. As a kid I used to, I remember. There's still that same ugly fuck at the 7-Eleven trying to get a nickel

from me in a wheelchair with a sign, you know. There's still, every fucking day there's something. Every day. Every day. You're hustling, hustle. How was your weekend?

It was great. Well, I ran I'm trying to do things that are against my grain. Absolutely. So I went to the gym with Paula on Friday, and we got there late, we got there later than we wanted to. But we walked in, and Eddie was walking down.

Andy Barba was walking down the stairs. So went up and said hi, and he's with this dude. I didn't know who he was, and he introduced himself. He was Dallas Page, the wrestler. And ever since I've been working out, and before then, people have told me to try D.D. yoga. Try DDP yoga. It was on Shark Tank a couple years ago. I only, the only times I've done yoga were a couple times I did the hut, the bedroom with my dad, and I hated it because it's like 110 degrees. It's terrible. Well, it's just, I didn't like it.

So I went to the store that night and he emailed me. He was just like, hey, nice to meet you. If you're interested, for you and your friend, I'm doing a seminar tomorrow. I'd like to give you guys two free passes. everything in my system doesn't want to do that early in Hollywood which is a drive 11 but we had to go get yoga mats so we woke up at 830 which isn't that early but on the Saturday going to Hollywood it's not something I'd really want to do ever especially not to work out for three hours but it was free and we just were like fuck it so we did it when I woke up at 830 I was like oh maybe not but we just we just we just just did it. Went down there. There was like 50 people in like a gym in a Hollywood park down there on Beverly. And he did about two hours, hour and a half of motivational stuff, pretty cool stuff. He didn't even start wrestling until he was like 35 or professionally. And he did about an hour

and a half of it got progressively harder at yoga. It was a lot of cardio stuff and it was a lot of he was wanting to be clenching just to engage the muscles. I didn't sweat as much as I do on the elliptical, but you've been on me for a while to do a class. So I was like, fuck it. Just something different. It was like, how many people out there would want, it was an expensive class.

It was like an $80 class. Like, he's giving it to me for free. Why waste it? Why stay at home and just sleep a little bit later? So, I try it. Thank you very much. That's, uh, that's something that I had to learn the hard way, you know, going out of your comfort zone for anything.

Listen, when you go to school to be an attorney, ask Paula. Before she got into law school, she had to do a bunch of math classes. It's a big curriculum for attorney, and you ask yourself, why do I have to take this math to be an attorney for your analytical, so it gets you thinking? Right. And this is all, I've loved this. I've always loved this. I love going out of my comfort zone. I really don't, but I do.

You think I wanted to get on that plane to Vegas on Friday? No. No. I've been home for fucking three weeks. I have not seen a fucking plane or an airport. My mind was somewhere else. And I was thinking I canceled the flight, like canceling the 8 a.m. flight to Vegas and going to two

and going to the Wayans and all this shit. I got up that morning, I said, fuck it, I'm going to go. You know? And as soon as I got off the plane and got to Vegas, I mean, there was traffic. You know, there was a taxi traffic. It was packed. Vegas was fucking packed.

Oh, that's cool. I get to the hotel and I go upstairs. It's always the last fucking hotel room on the aisle. You know, you were talking about we exercised in Las Vegas just by fucking walking. Yeah. I go to the end of the thing, and I go downstairs and I meet Ari, and you know what, man, all of a sudden, any anxiety I had went away.

That was one of the best day trips I've had in years that I really needed. You know, I get comfortable. man, you know? And sometimes you go outside your realm and you bump into something, a part of you. You bump into a different part of you while you're there and it wakes it up. You know, it wakes

a monster inside of you. Right. And maybe you won't go back to that place. Maybe you'll never do DDP yoga again. But you're going to get something out of that. Yeah. You're going to get that now. You did it. I did it. There's no... You walk into these places. I'm insecure. So as soon as I walk in, I feel embarrassed.

I'm the fat guy in the room. I'm fucking Paul and I were worried about that. We walked in and there were people. A bunch of douchebags, you know, with tight suits on and matching suits. There was a lot of heavy people there. We weren't even the biggest people by far. There was a couple people who looked like it was their New Year's resolution. And I'm so glad this wasn't my first time working out because I wouldn't have made it through it.

But I didn't have to take a break because they all said that you can take a break if you want to. I couldn't do everything. Like I have horrible balance. so I kept falling down when I tried to do the pose but you do like you spring your leg up but you have to look straight ahead and you have to pick a spot in the wall it's like the core

it's the core yeah yeah yeah so I didn't get to do everything probably perfectly but they had people walking like his fiancee was walking around and he she showed me a couple things and it was cool it was cool to stretch like I stretch something like the can opener where you like drag your leg across in front of you while you're laying down and you like you rotate your hip yeah it was cool

before I do anything I always lay on my back. I get my ass and I put it up against the wall, and I kick my legs up. I let the blood go down. Right? And then, and I breathe, and I straighten my feet out to stretch the back of your legs.

And I stretch my arms out like Jesus Christ. Right? Yeah. And I do that. And I let the blood go down, my heart pump all that fucking unsolicited blood. Then I twist while I'm breathing to my left. And I have my wife pull my shoulder down

and pull my hip down as I breathe. And it's tight, But the more you breathe, the looser you'll get. Again, you pick your legs up to the middle, breathing the whole way up, and then I go to the other side. You follow me? And that stretches that core. Those are all yoga.

That's tremendous moves. If you haven't tried yoga because of an ego problem or whatever fucking problem you have, you're really missing the boat. I had a problem with yoga. I didn't know what it was. So, again, I was like anybody else in this country, anybody else in life. If you don't know what something is, you're very tuned off to it. I don't want to do that.

And the first time my wife took me, every day when I wake up, I'm like, fuck, I should go do yoga today after Y. I look at the schedule. It's weird. Like, today it's 1145. I thought about it. I already have plans. My wife goes to Zumba Monday at 1015 at the Y. It's a beautiful fucking day, too.

They have a lot of outdoor yoga here in town. They have a lot of, I mean, if you go up and down Burbank Boulevard, Magnolia Boulevard in the Valley, there's tons of yoga. There's tons of yoga. The place by Laurel Canyon, my friend works there. So if you want to go in there, let me go. Maybe I'll try it. I don't know if I'm going to be able. You know which one I'm talking about?

Right down the block from your house. If you hit Magnolia, when you go to right by Popeye's chicken, right there next to it, my friend. She's a Cuban girl. Cuban Jewish girl. Oh, wow. Cuban Jew from Miami. She runs the fucking joy. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it, but my goal is $300 or $365 do something workout-wise.

I don't know if it'll be able to be the gym every day. but like I figured that's that's one day off a week plus 13 bonus days. I don't know if I'm going to hit it, but that's my goal. That's your goal. Listen, I wrote my, you know, you have a personal, your personal goals, your business goals, you have, you know, physical goals. You know, I like to lose 80 fucking pounds. I write that and then you write, how can I do that by maintaining my eating,

by keeping a log, by walking with the mercy. Yeah, I told you last week, you were looking thinner. This workout's working for me. me. This is the first time this is working for me. First of all, I haven't really, I've gone to Jiu-Jitu techniques, I haven't really rolled. Because I do something after the Jiu-Jitsu technique class. I do a bunch of calisthenics with this guy. And then I cut my workout down, believe it in that. I was overdoing it. It was the law diminishing returns. I was walking around sore. I went back to all reliable, the bicycle. My wife told me a long time, she goes,

I don't know why. She goes, when you started working out, the fat came off with the bicycle and the punching back. Came off. And all of a sudden you're doing this and this and this. You made it more complicated than what it is than I have. Totally. We did that with food. We've been using my fitness pal and it's great.

But it lowered me to 1,400 calories and lowered Paul up to 1,200, 120. And we were just talking to people. And there's something called like BMR, not BMI, like tells you how fat you are, but BMR, where it's like how many calories your body needs. So they have this formula where it's like that, plus your workout calories, minus 500. So now I get like 1,900 calories. And I haven't had this much in months.

And I've been losing weight. It says like your body kind of shuts off when you don't have enough, which I knew, but I didn't think the amount I was having was shutting it off. But I lost weight like three days in a row. I'm still, I'm almost back to my lowest. I'm pretty happy. Yeah, sometimes, you know, especially going to Hollywood. Like if I got to drive to Hollywood, the whole drive,

I didn't have to drive to the whole drive I'm talking myself out of it. Yeah. The whole job, I'm going, boy, I wish somebody runs a red light and hits this fucking car. So I have an excuse because you don't want to call something and say you got into an accident, and you have that hanging over your head, you know. Yeah. But that, it's great. It's great when you get out of, and we've discussed this a thousand times on here.

That's a great way to start the year because now you've got something coming to you. That's what I thought of. Like, I didn't want to do it. I was like, maybe I won't even tell Paula about the offer. And she was kind of air about it, but, like, what are we going to do on Saturday morning? Like, what's the point of wasting it? You know, man, this is something they have to do every day that I neglected at an early age.

I didn't neglect on an early age. I neglected at 28. I thought my body would stay the way it always been. I thought that what people were saying to me were lying. They're all lying. Your metabolism doesn't slow down. And I wish and knows at that age that I would have worked out an hour or day.

Something that I'm doing now, I wouldn't have been working as hard as I am now. So if you're young and you see that your weight's going somewhere, when you're fucking 30. So throughout your 30s and 40s, and you're not to kill you. Nobody wants you to be fucking Johnny Olympus. They just want you to do what Lee does. Go to the fucking 24-hour fitness and ride the epileptical for 40 minutes,

and you go home and everybody's happy. At least you don't feel that bad if you do decide to eat a quarter pound. And you don't have to do 45. The first time I did it, I did 15. I couldn't, I didn't think I was going to get to 15, and I went home and slept for 15 hours. So, like, at this point, as long as they do 30, I'm like, this is better than doing nothing.

I get 400 calories in. But it's just... You're moving that blood, Jack. Anything is better than that stale-made fucking blood? It moves the blood. It sets off fireworks and your brain to do other things. You're like, what the fuck am I doing sitting here? I got to go do other things, you know?

I'm not going to tell anyone to work out because I used to hate it when I was bigger. Because everyone knows they're supposed to lose weight. But the thing I would look for, if you're looking for inspiration, is something you told me about. And now I can't not see it everywhere is the bigger guys and girls

who get bruises around their ankles because their blood isn't flowing. It freaks me out like they're, it eats away the skin. It fucking did shit to me. Oh, really? Yeah, right? Because you don't have it now.

No, no, I refuse to have it. I work on it. I work on it. You have to, you have to even rub those things, you know, move around. If you do get on a plane, I don't want that either. That fat ankle, once you see the fat ankle,

it's all downhill after that. It terrifies me. It's just all downhill after that, man. You can't get that blood collagulating around that fucking ankle. Fuck, no. It's just stale blood. It's just that brown blood that comes out of your head

when you hit somebody in the head with a hammer. You said, movies. How often are you hitting people on heads with hammers? It's been years, but, you know, no, I just saw people. Do you miss it? No, I just saw people's heads get fucking in. You know, for you people who've been emailing me, my heart goes out to you guys.

Thank you. Fidel is alive and kicking. Oh, thank God. He's not alive and kicking. He's alive. And... How old was he? 13.

My wife told me. Okay. Okay, Fidel's been around for a long fucking time. We've been together 16 years. Fidel's been around for 14 years. Next like May, she was telling me. Fidel's a big cat. Not a fat, big, big, leopard big.

You always seem super healthy. Always seem super healthy. Always happy, always meowing, always wants the first pet. If you're going to pet, you know people that are veterinarians, pull me aside and go, he's a really good cat. Like, he's the, once a while, he goes, off the deep end. He likes to fuck around with Harry and torture, Dimmie, and shit.

And he takes abuse. He's the biggest cat I have in the house, and he takes abuse from the other cats. And every once in a while, he just snaps. One of the best fights I ever saw was him against Superbad. Really? Two different. It was like John Jones against Cornelia, you know? They fucking fought.

They went backwards, and then they fell into the laundry box. And they got going? And the laundry box flipped over, so they were trapped in that laundry box right now. I had to pick it up. Super bad, and Fidel had each other by the neck. This went on for about a month, too. Every time they'd see each other, they'd make those loud noises.

I go, get the fuck out of here. But he's alive and kicking. You know, my wife said that, you know, I got up this morning, gave him his special food, and I play with him a little bit. And when I went in the shower, when I came back here, jumped the fence to his cat litter box. So, you know, he's alive. He's not kicking where he was kicking before.

He's not old Fidel, you know. He torments you and shit, but... Does that... Because I had never experienced a pet dying when I had a hamster that died, but that wasn't the same as my dog. Does it make you not want to get more animals? Because I don't know if I could anymore.

You're always going to get animals. You know, somebody's always... Animals come to you. When an animal comes into your life, that animal's meant for you. It's... Regardless of what you say. Regardless of what you say as a person, I can't have cats.

I'm allergic to dogs. I don't want dogs in my life. I got to get rid. When you see the animal that belongs to you, you'll know it. You'll feel it. It could be a fucking parrot. You might call me one thing because I went to a fucking thing and bought a chinchilla.

I don't give a fuck what you by it. Every animal has a purpose, and you have a purpose with an animal. It's just finding the right animal. I've been very fortunate. When my mother died, I had a dog, you know. His name was Crystal. I called him Crystal from Crystal. THC.

How did you explain that to your mom? I never did. I never had to. I just called him Crystal, and she didn't know. He was white with little brown spots, and was he the first dog I ever had? Not really. He was one of the dogs that came in and out of the house. We had two dogs at one time that were guard dogs that my mom had to give away because one kept running away and biting people and giving our terrace when I first moved to

Jersey. So my mom gave him to a buddy in the Bronx, and I would see him to dogs for years. Then we had the champion, who was my dad's dog, who died when I was like Mercy's age. And then we had this crystal, you know, and Crystal was a good little dog. I didn't know what I was doing. I was a young kid. I was playing football with the weights. I was just discovering tittyes and fingering people and shit.

I didn't have any, you know, it's not like you had the Internet that you got a dog and you read up on that dog and stuff. You're an encyclopedia, you know. And I gave the dog love, and then what happened? My mom died and I had this dog and I was moving in with friends. I couldn't bring the dog and I had to give the dog away. And that stayed with me for a long time. I always let that dog down. You know, in the middle of everything, my mom dying, me moving, in high school, there's that, no social security.

I had this fucking dog. And I had to give him away and I didn't know who to give him away until I gave him away to my mom's friend and she lived on 51st Street. So I would go out at nights and get fucked up and walk by the dog. go by the, and she would put the dog outside to like two in the morning. And I told you, I would jump the fence and go in its house and play with it, and I don't know what happened. I lost contact with the dog over the years.

And that always stayed with me. I always wanted to, I always owed the universe one. I always felt like I owed the universe one. That happens to people. Sometimes they get an animal and they have to move, or their boyfriends have allergies, or their girlfriends can't have a cat in the house. There's always something. You have to give that animal up.

I think that's one of the toughest things you have to do in your life. I know it was for me as a young man. Yeah. I don't ever want to bail on my animals. Like once I won't go on vacation. We're having a hard time about next holiday. We want to go to New York and spend, you know, six days with the child and take it to the tree and this and this.

You know, you go away. She goes away. You know, the lady. I can't expect my friends to go over there and sit there for an hour with these animals. Right. And I just can't leave for nine days and have somebody. they come and feed them and leave, these animals have emotions.

You know, they're used to a certain lifestyle. I spend time with my cats. I like it. I enjoy it. I'm not going to lie to you. There's people, oh, no. When I left this morning, I pet all of them.

I picked up three of them and kissed them when I fed them. That's how you're supposed to treat your fucking animals. You know, why have an animal? Why have an animal if you're going to, there's people that they're willing to give love to a fucking animal. So, and I look at my cat. And I gotta tell you something, they were all meant for me. Every single one of those cats in the room,

God put them on this planet for me to adopt them. I just know. Were you anxious adopting strays? Like, not even just from the shelter, like, strays on the street. Well, they were little kittens, and I knew what their options were. I knew that they were going to die. If somebody didn't take them, they were going to die. And these animals were good cats.

These animals were, you know, they were tough. They came from the samurai. They had a good bloodline. You know, mama was back there for years, getting fucked and spitting out kittens. And she never, I mean, she was tough as nails. She had, like, fucking 19 litters in the years we were back there, you know? Wow. But I have no regrets about none of those cats.

I love them all the same. I make time for them. You know, when I call home when I'm out of town, I ask them about mercy. And I ask about certain cats that I know been acting weird that week before I left. You know, every week has every cat, every week I have a different dilemma with the cats. Not that they're sick, but. Superbad's attacking Harry, Demmy's attacking Lulu,

you know, there's always something. It's weird how they have different personality. And that's it. And every week that everybody changes. Every Monday goes back to zero and now, Fidel's got a beef this week with this guy. This guy keeps jumping the fucking fence. But I enjoy it.

Yeah. I enjoy it. They say when people have animals, they live longer. And I think that it's the secret love you have with this animal that you owe nothing to it. It owes you nothing. I mean, you could.

pretty much I mean I don't know what the thing is with lions and tigers and one but every animal wants love but they have videos of that with people who have spent time with like the lions of tigers from like an early age like there's one that's going wrong where this guy opens

a door like at a preserve or something and a lion jumps into his arms and it's just like nuzzling him and it looks terrifying but love is love yeah love is love gray is the last cat ever adopted and she wasn't a kitten.

She was already a grown cat. You know, but I hit it off on her outside. She got attacked. She couldn't go back outside. The lady was going to give her away. I took her in. Gray now, you know, when I first took Gray and I'd pick her up and she'd go nuts.

But gray now looks for me to pick her up. She doesn't want me to know that I want her to pick her that she wants me to pick her up. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. She'll torment me when I'm on the computer. My legs and her tail and torment me. And then I go to touch her chest, I'd like to lift her.

And she'll go away. But the next time she comes, she'll stay that extra minute and let me pick her up. And I have to rub her ears and kiss her, and then rub her back and rub her belly. And so I can see a little drool come out of her nose and just fall on her chest as I'm pet. It's always the same. So she'll fight me. But now I can't get rid of it. But now, you know, she'll be there for 20 minutes.

I'll be rubbing her stomach and her face and her little sides here, her little mustache. And I can see her little eyes looking at me thanking me. You know, those animals are very appreciative. Yeah. Do you think that's why they have a lot of those programs in prisons where they'll let those, like, good inmates have, like, dog or cats? I saw that. I don't know. It gives you a purpose. I got to be honest with you, man. When I had Demi and Harry, when they were kittens, I couldn't wait to be home. Yeah. They were the funniest motherfuckers you ever saw in your life. First of all, my wife couldn't make...

We didn't think we were going to keep Jimmy and Harry. Oh, really? So we put him under the table. My wife made little barriers. She called the Freedomville. Freedom Town and they had fences and little cat toys in there and a blanket and they lived in there

but the girl that was supposed to take them moved to Orange County and never called us back so for a month they were just in Limbaugh I had them in the house and I remember being out that night and getting coke

and running home just to do coke and play with those motherfuckers you could take a piece of paper and put it in front of there a kid and he'd run through a ch really?

I'd sit there and go from the university of whatever and he'd run through the fucking piece of paper. I did that for hours. That's how much of a retort I am. So I love all that shit. How did you figure out Demi does knuckle sandwich?

That's the best thing I love it. My wife. My wife plays with knuckle sandwich. He'll knuckle sandwich you the whole fucking time. He head butts your head, he headbuts your fist. He headbuts your hand out of your face. Whatever you want to headbutt, you take showers. Listen, you give any animal, dog. You know, a lot of you say at homegoing Joey. A cat, yeah, cat. Could have been a dog too.

Could have been a dog. It was just a different situation, different times. Yeah. What are your goals, Lee? Fuck the cats. My goals are $300 out of 365. I'd like to be down to $150. That's my goal wait.

I'd like to make this podcast. I don't know if it, I don't think more times a week, but I'd like to grow the audience, which would obviously would make us more money. But I really like that. Colin show. And I really I like to talk show. And I like going to Vegas. I see Talking Lairor. I see

Freddie and his wife. And I see or we go to Austin last year. And Uki Spooky is still tweeting I mean and buy shirts. And every time I send a shirt to Australia, I'm like, are you serious? Like it's just so cool. Like someone like we basically kind of have friends in Australia. And we have that guy in China. It's just that's really, I would like

grow it, I'd like to, obviously some of it's professional, but it was a really fun year last year. Was. I had a great year last year. It's funny because I looked at the professional angle of my goals, but I knew it the personal had to be a little bit more, I had to be a little bit more on my personal goals. You know, I've been writing these stupid fucking goals since 1989. And I wrote these things every year, and I looked at them every night when I was fucked up

on Coke just to see where I was. It kept me on course. If you're having a hard time staying on course today, just get a new fucking notebook. Open up the page and the first page, clear it because that one always gets fucked up. So move it over in the second page. Write your goals.

You know, I want to lose weight. I want to be a better person. You know, I want to be a nicer person. I want to have more empathy. You know, I wrote that down. I want to be more empathetic. the society, I feel at times that I'm not as empathetic. And I am,

but I also have to attack it as a comic. So I don't want people to think that, you know, I wrote different things like that, but I think that sometimes people worry about, well, I want to make a million fucking dollars. How the fuck are you going to make a million dollars, okay? How do you get to make a million dollars if you're late for every fucking meeting? Right. Do you follow me? So making a million dollars

has not to do with you. It has to do with you being early for fucking meetings. Right. You know, 10 minutes early and prepared. and your shoes shine. I'm going to smell on your face and, you know, no alcohol on your fucking breath. You know, I've had this thing lately where I've gone to meetings in the mornings with people

and I've got to tell you something, man. I party for fucking years. I got high for fucking years. I get high every morning before the meetings, but I'll tell you what I do if I get high before the meetings. I put Vizene in my fucking eyes. I brush my teeth and I fucking gargle and I take a little tap.

I hate fucking cologne. I've had the same little bottle of CK1 for eight years, you know. And when I get high and I have a meeting, at a network or I took a little dot and I put it under my neck of something that's it just to throw off the reef I won't smoke in that suit that I'm wearing something I go to these fucking meetings sometimes

and I get hit in the fucking face with alcohol breath constantly if it's after lunch in Hollywood you're definitely gonna get out of breath no no no not absolute I'm talking 10 o'clock you know I do with my shit early oh snap I never ran into that that's bad and that bad fucking alcohol

like gin or yeah like that bad shit you know and I'm not there to judge no, but I'm just saying, Jesus fucking Christ. Or at least I thought I covered my tracks better when I was getting high. Right. And that was something that was big for me this past year. Like, even if you think you're doing a great job, you can look at, there's something that you can change.

Always. Always. It's the same thing with losing weight for me, but even working. Like last of 2013, we were doing pretty good numbers. And we changed some stuff at the beginning of last year. and our number is doubled month, last December to this past December. And I think I'm doing a better job. I think the podcast has gone a lot better.

You've become a, like I told you the last three sets I saw you last week, were the best three I've seen, I think, ever. So it's pretty cool to be rolling. Well, part of this podcast, Lee, that really pisses me off is I love these people. Mm-hmm. You know, when I go out and do shows and I get to shake one hand, the person says, about the podcast, I got to meet you.

And now you paid for a ticket to come see me. Guess what? Well, now I owe you something. Because that's how life works out. You know, that's what we do as friends. Now I owe you something. So, you know what I owe them? To prepare this the day before I come in here.

To try to do this on time. To try to be consistent with it. That's what I owe you people for listening, for taking the time to come to the shows. I can't go six years ago. I didn't have you guys. So I didn't give a fuck what came out of my mouth when I sat on stage? No, I'm nervous because I know you guys work hard and you're paying and you're making time to come see me.

Do you understand my mentality? Right. Even if I always try to give you something new, it may be funny, it may not be funny, but I'm fucking trying. I don't ever want you to go. I went to see him. He did the exact same material to the T. He said the exact same words. No, I'm always trying.

I'm always thinking, you know, you guys are the fucking first thing and lasting on my mind every fucking morning. I can't, every day, I can't lie to you. Lee, you know it, you know it. You know, every conversation we have is about how can we make the show better, more consistent, you know, topic, whatever. Guests were always trying to switch it up. I don't ever lullaby on myself, ever,

and I want you guys the same to have the same attitude. Don't ever sleep on yourself. Oh, we got the call? Yeah. Oh, shit. It's my main man. Happy New Year, my brother. Feliz anio, Nuevo, my amigo.

You know, when, uh, Lee and I were talking last week who we wanted as a guest. And I kept thinking Billy Corbyn because I had that 30-30 taped to watch it. But every time I'm in the hotel room the last couple weeks, I catch the last hour here, 20 minutes here, 18 minutes here. Last night I sat down with my wife and I watched the whole thing. And Billy, you're a bad motherfucker. Billy Corbyn's on the air. What's happening, brother?

Good morning. Good morning to you. We made it to another year. Yes, we did, Billy Corbyn. It blows me the fuck away, too. I always think, I don't know how we managed to, whether it's just like upsing under the weight of our own ineptitude and corruption or just,

or global warming finally, you know, sea level rise is coming in, swallowing up the state. I just don't know how we make it. I really, I really don't. I take it if there was any kind of biblical event, we would certainly be the first to go, I think. You know, like we certainly deserve it. We've got it coming.

Or as Clint Eastwood says in Unforgiven, we've all got it coming. But I think Florida, Florida's got to go first. That's why I'm here. I want prime real estate for just whatever biblical fate state, you know, like a front row seat. Because I think it's going to be bad one day. But we made it to another year. I'm always impressed. fucking Florida.

It really is a crazy motherfucking state when you think about it. I look at the kids that ended up in Florida I grew up with. Like the people who ended up in my... You know, I grew up in West New York, Northburg, in that area. It's a big Cuban population.

And I always see who went back home, you know, and you're like, ah, I got that guy now. Because it takes a certain person to live in Miami. I love corruption. I love larceny. I love drugs. I love pussy, and that's all the Miami and South Florida is, correct?

I think that's not an unfair assessment. You're looking at the essential ingredients of the community you hit upon most of them. I like Jewish people. I like Cuban people. I mean, everything about Florida points me, but I don't think I'm ready. I never thought I was ready from Miami. Every time I thought I was ready from Miami, I go down there and go, not yet. Maybe another two fucking years.

These are fucking Major League Savagees down here. Major League savages in Miami with no... They just steal. They just steal. I always say you'll see it on my Twitter feed all the time. Whenever some whacked out,

usually national news story strikes anywhere in America, almost anywhere. We always start looking for the Florida connection because the more whacked out the story is, the more likely that there's a Florida connection. And I'll post news stories, and I'll be like there's always a Florida connection,

whether we found it or not. I mean, it was just this police chief in Peach Tree, Georgia, and he was moving his gun at 4.30 in the morning while he's in bed. And according to him, it accidentally goes off. and he shoots his wife. What he first reported to 911 was twice, but actually turned out to only accidentally shoot her once. And sure is shit,

where was he a police chief before Pete's Tree, Georgia? DeCresta in Palm Beach County, where he worked in two police departments, was divorced three times, and this third wife was actually his first wife or something that came back to him who had previously accused him of, and being abusive.

And, of course, the whole thing is like the Florida connection, the entire story. And that just goes back to, I mean, whether it's the 9-11 terrorists living in flight training in Florida or all the Ponzi schemers. I mean, Bernie Madoff in Palm Beach. Or you go back to 1926 for crying out loud. there was an Italian immigrant who got busted in Massachusetts, and he fled the jurisdiction, and he goes to Florida, the Jacksonville area,

in Duval County, and he starts doing these lake land schemes that were popular in Florida, you know, selling swamp land and lies that came true, promising people, you know, 50% on their money or whatever. He gets busted there in Jacksonville, runs across the state, flees across the state to Tampa, starts running the same scam. He finally gets busted there.

gets convicted, does prison time. They extradite him back to Boston, where he does prison time. And the guy's name was Charles Ponzi. And he's the guy for whom he invented the Ponzi scheme, and the last place in America that he plied his namesake scam before he was deported back to Italy was in Florida, because there's always a Florida connection with every, fucked up story. What about the

guy, the booster, and the documentary who's the $800 million? Oh, sure, you're never, you're talking about, yeah, it's the University of Miami, I like to say guilty by geography. Because you're not going to see this in Kansas

or Oklahoma, but when you have high net worth people, which is, of course, what universities are going after for donations, when you have high net worth people in Miami, invariably, you're going to find yourself with a certain percentage of nefarie characters or people who got, you know, whose money is, you know, are ill-gotten gains.

And the University of Miami has deep connections to not one, not two, but three completely separate and different, you know, unrelated Ponzi schemers, including Alan Stanford, who is an even bigger scam artist. This guy was a former scuba instructor from Texas, who opens a bank for crying out loud. And the state of Florida, he comes here. He wants to sell these, like, completely questionable financial instruments, these certificates of deposit from an offshore bank that this guy started in the Virgin Islands, which immediately no one else will,

Antigua, was where it was, a bank in Antigua. opened by a former Texas scuba instructor. So where does he think he's going to have the easiest time of it? In Florida, of course, and the securities of folks in the state of Florida actually licensed him to sell these completely questionable instruments. He opened a huge office in downtown Miami, starts selling these certificates of deposit. It's a gigantic, multibillion-dollar Ponzi scheme. And, of course, the University of Miami finds themselves the defendants in a clawback lawsuit

because he donated millions of dollars to the University of Miami and to their, they're actually award-winning an incredible marine biology school that they have. And now you have the bankruptcy trustee who's trying to get some money back for the victims of this guy is suing the University of Miami. Then, as you mentioned, you've got Nevin Shapiro, who was the high-profile booster of the University of Miami football

and basketball programs. He got busted in an $800-900-million-million-dollar Ponzi scheme, and donated a lot of money to the university, including having a plaque with his name and face for a time on the student-athlet lounge at the University of Miami. Yeah, that picture you have in the documentary of the president looking at the $50,000 check in the bowling alley. Oh, my God. That was crazy. She was just smiling looking at the check. Dude, Joey knows that that's Miami, man.

As long as the checks are clearing and the booze is flowing, nobody asks any questions about it. about where the money comes from in a place like Miami. It's not like I was, I try to compare it to people so they understand. It's not like the Northeast where there's like old money, you know, or legacies where, oh, who's, you know, what's your last name? Who's your family? You know, it's not like that in Miami. Anybody who's rich down here is for the most part, Nouveau-Riche.

You know, everybody's new rich. So it's like nobody cares about where you come from. You're here and you've got money. It's like, everybody's like, you know, the great fucking Gatsby down here. You know, it's just like as long as the party's going on, you know, raging, nobody cares. And that's happened time and again. There's a great story about that that we're doing a doc on. This is back in the 90s story.

Chris Pichello and the Liquid Nightclub. It was called Liquid. And it was the first of that South Beach Renaissance. It was the first, like, front page kind of nightclub inside. South Beach, back when, you know, South Beach was just making that transition from God's waiting room, you know, inhabited mostly by elderly Jewish Holocaust survivors. And then, of course, the Marriolito criminals who had kind of filtered their way through, either dead or in prison or up to Jersey or Chicago. And this guy opens this nightclub, takes over a space from

Mickey Rourke and his sister, which was, I mean, in cases not abundantly clear, was mob connected. And this particular location, his nightclub burns down, what they call an Italian fire sale or get struck by Jewish lightning, as a result of a cigarette wedged in a couch. Yes, that's right. In a couch, that's right, a couch. And Joey knows how this works.

And he opens up this new place, Liquid, and Liza Minnelli shows up to the red carpet and says, wow, this is like Studio 54. The next thing you know, this guy, good-looking young Italian kid in his 20s, who allegedly came down here with a buddy who used to sell ecstasy at Liquid in New York with a, quote, motorcycle accident settlement check, and he opens this nightclub, and he becomes, I mean, like, like a tabloid, darling. He's sleeping with Madonna and Sophia Vergara, Nikki Taylor, and it's this whole thing.

and what winds up happening is he turns out to be a gangster, you know, from Staten Island, who was running various bank, bank heist, and was involved in the, in a failed home invasion that wound up with the murder of a Staten Island housewife. And it's just one of those, one of those stuff, this guy was throwing fundraisers for the mayor of Miami Beach, and the Miami Children's Hospital, you know, at one point. And months later, he's a mugshot with a completely different last name. It's not Chris Pichello. It's Chris Ludvigson.

And the New York, you know, the Village Voice has got him on the cover of the newspaper. Do you think of these people kept a lower profile, they wouldn't get caught? There's no low profile in Miami. You go big. You go big. I mean, you have to fucking go big. Well, I have this question. I got to ask you something because I tell people every day you have the best Twitter feed there is.

I fuck it. I laugh 20 times a fucking day with you. What is it with black women in Miami? They lose their fucking mind. They stop combing their hair, then they throw their kids in the oven. What the fuck? What is it with black women in Miami that they fucking kill their kids and shit? That son does that.

They look like James Brown in the mugshot. Their hair is all fucked. up and shit. It is something about black women in Miami lose their fucking mind and kill their kids. You had like three stories last week about black women fucking lighting the kid on fire.

She shot her husband, the one. What was the story? Where did this happen? The lady took the baby, took the handgun out of the purse and shot the woman at the supermarket. Oh, yeah, in Walmart.

Thank God that wasn't Florida. But her cousins related to something in Miami. I'm still waiting. I'm still waiting on the Florida connection on that one. But that was in Idaho, of all places, which sounds completely sketchy. I mean, a two-year-old in the mother's purse, you know, the mother's walking around Walmart, of course, with a concealed weapon, a permitted, a legal concealed weapon, but the kid somehow pulls the trigger and shoots and kills the mom, which is just horrible.

But like, how does that happen? Like, what kind of, what kind of weak trigger is this on this gun? I mean, I've never heard. I mean, a two-year-old having the strength to, I mean, I don't know if there's more to it. I certainly are waiting, you know, waiting on the Florida connection. But those were white people in Idaho. And I will tell you that everybody goes crazy, not just black women in Florida. and it's funny you talk about the hair.

I always think about that when you see these people on meth, I think one of the first symptoms of meth is really irresponsible hair-style decision-making. I mean, you see it like their hair goes straight to hell. You're like, what color is that supposed to be? What's with your roots? Like right away, you're like, what's going on here? You need to go and get your hair done again. there was these two people, this was like one of my, one of my New Year's stories, this white dude and this white lady were found.

They had locked themselves in like a supplies closet at a college in Daytona Beach. And they had been in there for like three days. And the police say that they had found some drug paraphernalia related to crack smoking. Yeah, the scouring beds. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was one of the, I was Cracker Meth. I mean, you could sort of like tell right away, and it was just like, and they had, like, locked themselves in, and the guy, like, called for help,

even though they had locked themselves in. They could get out whenever they wanted to, but the guy, like, called for help. The door wasn't even locked. The door doesn't lock from the inside, they said. The police were like, how do they lock themselves in? And they just didn't. They were freaked out. Yeah.

Yeah, they were, you just started freaking out in the closet at the Daytona Beach. I don't know. When was it, Joe, you've been to Daytona Beach, like, in recent years at all or ever? No. It's a crazy place. Twenty-five years, probably. Oh, well, you're not missing anything. Still famous for being a place where you can drive your car on the beach.

You know, physically drive your car on the beach. And the only thing this town had going for them was MTV Spring Break. You know, we'd come down every year. Yeah, every year. Yeah, do the live. podcast. That was like, that put them on blast, that put them on spotlight. Well, the city, you know, the city leaders and their infinite wisdom decided that's not the reputation that they want to have anymore. And so they throw out. They literally chase MTV away. And then they have nothing. The recession hits, you know, in 2008. And the place becomes like tumbleweed, like a ghost town. I went there. I had a girlfriend, an ex-girlfriend, all the time. She was from. there. And so we were driving across the state. I'd never been. And it was one of the most depressing experiences of my life. I mean, it was a beach town where nobody wanted to go to the

beach. I mean, I don't even know how to describe it. It reminded me of Brigantine, New Jersey in the winter, you know, like a beach town. A beach town in the offseason where like businesses were just shuttered up and like people were just financially depressed and addicted to drugs, and it was really one of the saddest things I've ever seen. And some of the worst stories out of Florida come out of Daytona Beach. It's really just terrible. I really, really, really enjoy. You know, I got to be honest with you.

I grew up on football. I grew up on basketball. And once 85 came, Billy, I just stopped watching. You know, I just drugs. and being a criminal and trying to get your life together and getting locked up. And somewhere along the line, I missed everything, you know. And there were flashes.

I remember Michael Irvin at Miami. You know, I remember a couple games, but I didn't get to know the players and the names and all that stuff and stats. And the national championship to me, you know, whatever. I don't fucking know. It's January 8. Some years it's January 3rd.

I can't make up your fucking mind, you know. You know, I watched the first one you did, the you, you know, and I was blown away with Luke and everything. This one blew me away a little more because I didn't know they had gone down that far. I didn't know that what point. I mean, it's amazing how they turned the program back around by 2001. That little black dude, Santana Moss, he's got a fan.

How emotional he got and the Blades kids. Yeah, Al Blades. Look to the guy next to you. and say he's the baddest motherfucker in here. Like, I just thought of you as soon as he was saying that. He was going crazy. He was going crazy. Now, what were the Blades Brothers?

Which one shot himself? Or got shot at a party? Well, there was three Blades Brothers. Al died in a car accident. There was like a string of car accidents. Like, it was terrible. It took really popular, big-time Miami football players, which are former football players, including Jerome Brown,

who was like, he was like the Al Blades of the 80s. He died in a car accident. But the two brothers, Benny and Brian, who were, we'll call them the original, you know, the original Blades brothers, because they both played in the 1980s. And they, they're still around, thankfully. they both went on to play professionally.

You had Sean Taylor, of course, who would tragically, when he's playing for the Redskins, would be shot and killed. In his home, you had Marlon Barnes, which is a really sad story from 96. It was the spring before I started at the University of Miami in the fall. He was beaten to death in his on-campus apartment at the University of Miami. It was his girlfriend's ex-examination. boyfriend who targeted them and beat them both to death in the on-campus apartment.

He was found by his roommates, all football players, of course, in the apartment. And actually, Ray Lewis was one of Marlon Barnes' roommates, you know, apartment mates. So, Ray Lewis played in Miami, too? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Ray Lewis. Ed Reed. Warren, Sapp. These are the guys that played in, you know,

Ray Lewis and Warren Sapp played in that, in that kind of grim era, you know, of like the early into the mid-90, so they kind of fall in a moment in history that almost is like between the two documentaries, you know, like the first doc kind of ends in about 92, and then we're kind of in 95, 96, you know, a little bit when the second documentary starts. So, like, yeah, so they were in that.

But they started the trend. I mean, the University of Miami had, you know, for, I mean, 17 years, 18 years on end, had at least one first round draft pick every single year consecutively. It's the, it's the, it's the greatest run to this day in the history of the NFL draft. I'm pretty sure it was 17, well, 17 first round draft picks just out of that one class. That 2001 classes, what is it? Levitard calls it a nuclear absurdity because the talent on that one roster is just psychotic because you have 38 guys from one college football team that went pro, which is insane.

17 of them first round draft picks. Well, one of the great stats that we've been put in the movie, the hurricane, there was 149 consecutive regular season weeks in the NFL where a former Miami hurricane scored a touchdown in an NFL game. For years and years and years on end, there was never a week of NFL football, regular season, where you didn't have a Miami hurricane scoring a touchdown, which is like insane. But that was the level of talent that started coming out of that school in the 80s, but it was really the 90s where it hit that stride.

And you mentioned Santana Moss. I mean, you know, I'm a little guy. Santana isn't much bigger than I am, and he just started, I think, his 14th season in the NFL. The average career in the NFL is 3.3 years. So, like, you had these guys, they were just a special kind of in shape, you know, a special kind of conditioned. They were trained, you know, on another level. and you had, you know, first-round draft picks backing each other up, you know, future pro bowlers who were sitting on the bench in the late 90s, early 2000s,

because the depth of talent and the competition on the team was just absolutely out of control. Well, I went to Fort Lauderdale last June, and when I walked outside of the airport, I was already sweating. I couldn't imagine doing football practices in that heat in the summer. It's a great point. I think that's part of the conditioning. I mean, you practice at high noon in Miami, and you're just going to eventually be a better physical specimen. And that's exactly what happened.

I mean, these guys weren't training it if you didn't drop out, obviously along the way with which a lot of people did. You were just going to turn into a better, you know, more resilience and powerful football player. And that's exactly what these guys did. I think someone did the math and they figured, you know, with the contracts of a lot of these guys that the 2001 mining hurricanes, I think, were about, they would have cost about $198 million in the NFL or did, or did eventually cost $190.190. million dollars in the NFL with all the starters and draft picks that went on went on to play.

So you had, you know, people say to this day that that team, the 2001 Miami Hurricanes in 2001 would have gone to the playoffs in the NFL with that level of even college talent. It's remarkable. One thing I noticed about that documentary, you know, I went to the University of Colorado, I had a friend that I went down to ASU, and I used to go to that campus a lot. When I was a kid, I'd go to Rutgers to play basketball, and I saw the teams there that were assembled. When I was young, I got to go to five-star basketball camp.

In the eighth grade, I got a scholarship, and I got to see Dominic Wilkins and all these kids, you know. And one thing I learned last night after watching that documentary and watching the first one. It takes a certain player to go to Miami. You have to know it your sophomore year in high school. school. First off, they're walking a thin line.

They all walked the thin line. You and I both know it, that they were all on that thuggery line. Okay, they all had a little Larsi in their blood, and they all could beat the fuck out of it. They could have taken their lives

two ways, and I see all these big black guys smiling and laughing in the interviews, and I loved it. But then every once in a while you throw a white dude in there. And that white dude was crazier than the black dudes. He just Yeah, oh my God, I know him

personally. He hangs out with loops. Oh, really? Yeah, I met him when he was a giant, New Jersey, with loops at the fucking round round there doing his thing. That dude is fucking nuts. You know, you had another white dude that was blonde head that had a beautiful smile. Greg Olson,

that dude was for you to hang with those brothers. He did a rap song. You got to be fucking nuts. Because those brothers lift you up. Those black dudes, when you're white and you hang out with that many black dudes, it lifts you up. It makes you a different type of fucking savage.

I'm thinking to myself, if I had been blessed with the football gifts and I had a scholarship, there's only one school I could have got on to. Miami. That's it. I wouldn't mind getting the helmet and beating the fuck out of you with that helmet.

I wouldn't have mind doing a gram of blow, and I wouldn't have mind taking $50,000 from a sponsor and getting my dick sucked and my balls licked. It takes a certain kind of fucking student. You know, I was in Colorado, and I'd seen all those bad teams. Remember, way before your time, Billy, the University of Colorado had this horrible reputation because it's a white city, and you have these black kids in there,

and then they, you know, Cornycanavis McGee and all these fucking these kids, but they always accused the quarterback, whatever his name was, is selling crack, that on the weekends he was a Crip he colored L.A. and get crack and drive back to Colorado on the weekend and sell it. These guys

all came from shit. Especially the ones in your documentary. Those black kids in Miami didn't come from no fucking great homes. You could tell. That was a popular saying in the 80s during recruiting was

regardless of what color of nationality where they'd say like, is this a Miami guy. He's got to be a Miami guy. You've got to know it in your heart. There's Penn State guys. There's guys that want to go to Army. There's guys that want to go to Notre Dame. There's guys that want to go to Nebraska. To go to Miami, you've got to have a certain

fucking animalistic savagery to you. You could tell. All of them had that little thing that they could have gone either way. Could have gone either way. And you're saying it. I mean, there was one case where the kid got shot. Who gets fucking shot in college? Who hangs out with

these fucking people. I didn't hang out with people in college that carry guns, and I'm fucking nuts. They did down there. It's Miami. Yeah, they said that the guy who, his roommate, who the guy who got shot, said he had his gun on him. And they all said, like, the new coach made them turn in their guns, and they were...

Can you fucking believe that? Oh, this is funny. So, Dan Levitard is sitting next to Butch Davis at the premiere of the U-Part two. This was just two days before the movie premiered on on ESPN last month, and they get to that part in the documentary where

Bush Davis asks the students to students to please turn in their guns. And Bush Davis leans over to Dan Levitard during the movie and says, I only got half of them. because not everybody turned not everybody turned their gun in because some students and perhaps rightfully so considering some of the incidents

off field some of them felt like they needed to protect themselves and uh listen it's Florida some people today still need to uh to protect themselves so I think I would

I would advise anybody here to to consider, you know, a concealed carry permit and maybe not keep it in their purse in the shopping cart with their children at Walmart, but to consider, you know, a concealed carry permit if you're going to live in Florida. After the premiere, anybody come up to you and say they didn't like what you put in the movie

or they were disappointed. Have you had any of those? I mean, not from... I love the film, Billy. I'm just talking about one of the guys that were there, any players, any coaches that came up to you and said, you know, Billy, what the first? fuck.

Yeah. There's always a few of those because when you, you know, I'm not shy about my, my affinity for Miami as a location as a football program. I'm obviously a fan. But at the same time, we try to be objective. I mean, we kind of show it warts at all. I mean, and it's not all a love story and a glory story. I mean, a lot of it is is a little dark.

and scandalous. And so there were certainly people who were disappointed about the focus, the second half on Nevin Shapiro, the Ponzi Schemer, the scandals, the downfall, let's say. You know, the first hour is the first half, because it's about 100 minutes. But the first half is this kind of football-centric, celebratory, nostalgic trip with not only the greatest college football team of all time, but arguably one of the greatest. NFL teams ever assembled with that talent. And then the second half, I think is when it opens up a little bit more.

Because for me, I think these sports documentaries or sports movies are most successful, the less they're about sports. You know, and the more they're about something else are trying to kind of give you the bigger picture of whether it was, you know, how Miami transitioned into the early zeros, you know, into the kind of white collar, you know, crime capital of America where we perfected all of these different schemes. Of course, real estate schemes and Medicare fraud, which remains a major economic engine in the state of Florida.

The governor reelected last November of the state of Florida was the CEO of the hospital company responsible for the largest Medicare fraud in the history of America. They paid over $1 billion in Pennsylvania. penalties. The man made his fortune on Medicare fraud. He's the governor of the state of Florida. You think, well, who better, I guess, to be the governor of the state of Florida than someone who knows a little something about one of our state's biggest industries. And, of course, Ponzi schemes. And, you know, Miami became a, you know, it was less the cocaine cowboys and more about the white collar crime. And so we talk about that a little bit. And so there's certainly people who were in it for the football nostalgia who are like, did you really have to go that far or that deep into it?

And I don't know. I think the answer is yes. Yes. It's not of what you were getting into about being a Miami guy and why it's unique to be here. And that darkness, that edge is part of the appeal. You know, and listen, this is a guy who, Nevin Shoeuvre, who fooled people a lot richer and a lot smarter than a bunch of teenage football players. You know, he was swindling doctors and lawyers and really intelligent people.

He was swindling Donna Shalala, the president of the University of Miami, who was on Bill Clinton's cabinet, you know, Health and Human Services Secretary. So he was fooling a little. So, you know, I thought that this was an interesting kind of guy, an interesting character, also not alumni at the University of Miami. But to me, he's just one in a long line of schemers and scammers and swindlers, some of whom, you know, we have their names on streets here in Miami. I mean, for crying, I was trying to put it into perspective.

You know, Nevin Shapiro was involved in a $900 million Ponzi scheme. But Marlins Park will call it. taxpayers $2.4 billion. So who's the bigger, who's the bigger, you know, hustler? Is it, is it, is it Nevin Shapiro, or is it Jeff Loria on the ownership of the Miami Marlins' Major League Baseball team? But, but, but one of them goes to federal prison, and the other one is a, you know, is a local pillar of the community.

I mean, but that's the problem. That's the gray area of, of Miami, of Florida. progressively of America. It's like it's now all like everybody, anybody with any modicum of success is a hustler to some extent. And it just becomes, you know,

about whether or not you can walk that fine line and be friends and pay off the right people to avoid any consequences for it. And Miami pioneers that lack of accountability. Well, it's not Miami. It's everywhere.

If you throw money at somebody, You know, right now in the UFC in two weeks, this Connor McGregor kid is fighting. Everybody knows that he's going to beat up Dennisieva, and then they're going to put him in a fucking arena with Jose Aldo. Everybody knows. The fighters know. It's well known that it's a scam. Give him fucking Frankie Eggie.

Let's see where the fuck this goes. But no, they know. But they just want that payoff in Ireland. They know that if they sell an arena out, they walk out of it with $30 million. They don't give a fuck what they oversee anything for money. you know and a lot of people do that I mean I'm sitting here there last night I'm sitting there a month ago when the documentary came out and I'm watching this Nevin Shapiro

listen let's pretend I went to the University of Colorado which I did and I went there and I took three you know I didn't graduate but I got to tell you something what happens tomorrow I get a 10 million dollar deal and I go back to the University of Colorado and I go hey I want to donate 100,000 to the fucking library but I want my honorary degree boom I get it that's okay You know, I went for three and a half years. All right, make me take two more fucking classes, make me do a thesis on something and give me the degree.

Okay, that's one thing. But for me, Joe Diaz, to get money tomorrow, and just to walk into Miami as a fan and go, I want to be on the fucking field with these guys. That was the only thing that depressed me. Oh, yeah. The field to me is fucking, listen, you're going to come to my house and eat.

You might come to the podcast studio, don't hang out with me, you're never going to get on stage of me. Do you understand me? I worked hard to get on that stage. I worked really hard. I sacrificed things. That's the only thing I didn't like about Nevin Shapiro. I get Nevin and Shapiro, and I get the people around them when the president, that little cunt is looking at the check with that smile on her face. She don't give a fuck what Nevin does for a living or whatever. We never do. Look at the mafia for 20 years. What destroyed the mafia? Do me a favor, Billy. Don't sell fucking heroin, Billy. We got there's construction, we got

prostitution, we got numbers, the fucking drugs, the heroin people get pissed at. It got to believe that the people that were telling you not to sell heroin were the biggest heroin dealers. Costellano was telling John Gotti not to sell heroin, but he was taking heroin

money from his captains. It was... It was greed. It's greed. And this country was built on greed. You know, greed is going to be there till the end of fucking time. For some people, for some people, they know. I know that money wouldn't make my life any much better than what it is now.

I know this now, because I'm 50. I didn't know this when I was 21. I thought if I had 10 million fucking dollars that all my problems were solved, boy, are we fucking wrong? Look at Bill Cosby. How much money does he have? How much money does Bill Cosby have? Can you imagine to die with this?

I don't care how much money he has. I'm not having a drink with him. No, no. You're not spending a New Year's with him, and you're not partying with him. The point is, guess what? In Florida, they fucking, they didn't cancel them. They gave him a standing ovation. You know, there's honor amongst fucking thieves.

Well, you know, I, what's that line I go to? It's that Los Angeles is where you go when you want to be somebody. New York is where you go when you are somebody, and Miami's where you go and you want to be somebody else. I mean, it's the classic. Chris Pichella. Chris Ludg wasn't. And the people embrace you because they're doing the same fucking thing as you are.

For quite out loud, Charlie Christ just ran for governor again. This guy was a former Republican governor turned independent Senate candidate, turned Democratic gubernatorial candidate. I mean, if that's not an indication of a state where you can reinvent yourself time and time again, I mean, I was going to, about naming streets after people. In downtown Miami, there's a street, which nobody would look at, nobody would look at twice called Abel Holtz Road, Boulevard, actually, Abel Holtz Boulevard. And the Abel holds back in the, trying to think of what year he was convicted. I think it was like the late 80s, early 90s, he was famous for having paid off a mayor of Miami Beach

named Alex Dowd, who later went to federal prison, and this guy lied to a grand jury. Big time, big-time banker down here in Miami, still a very popular and prominent member of the community. He confessed, pled guilty to lying to a grand jury under oath in this corruption investigation. And the street is named after him in downtown. The joke is that Abel-Holtz Boulevard leads to the federal courthouse. Because it actually does. The street with his name on it takes you right to the federal courthouse where he pled guilty to lying to a grand jury.

I mean, it's just like, but that's Miami. That's just how we roll. A little birdie told me that you'll be here next month. It's true. Yeah, I'm supposed to go to the end of this month. It's January already. We made it. Oh, shit.

Could you please give me? Will you please give me a call when I'm in town so Lee and I can take you out to dinner? I would love it. In fact, one of my New Year's resolutions is to start waking up as early as you guys do. No, this is just the first to get everybody started for the year to let everybody know it's a new year

and you've got a fucking attack this year with different goals and different perspective, you know, and we just wanted to start today at 6 a.m. We've been doing them at 8 o'clock at night lately. We do the night ones. So when you come in, we'll go to dinner, and then we'll smoke a number, we'll blow shotgun in your face. I know you don't like a reefer,

and you come over and talk. Because Joe says you're going to have you on. I don't smoke. I don't smoke. I don't smoke. I don't smoke. No, we don't want you to smoke. We want you to be just the way you are. But when you come out, Lee and I want, how long are you coming out to town for? I don't know, probably just a few days.

I'm hoping to make it a little bit longer, though, because we come out there very rarely, and it's always such a short trip, so I'm hoping to make it a little longer. It'll be the last week of the month. Okay. Please, Billy. let me buy your steak and the girlfriend, let me give her some edibles.

I don't know what happened in Florida with them not passing that fucking law because everybody wants to smoke pot, so they jammed the fucking computer boxes again. Jed Bush was hard at work. How didn't they pass that medical marijuana law down there? It's passed everywhere. It got almost 59.

That is 5-9, 59% of the vote, which is just a, just a remarkable thing. I mean, I'll put it you this way. There's not a lot of politicians, including the governor of the state, were elected with 59% of the vote. We have a law here in Florida that if you want to amend the state constitution, you have to get a super majority. So we had to cross that 60% line. Rick Scott got 48% of the vote.

And one, Amendment 2 got nearly 59% of the vote and failed. But that's Florida. That's Florida math, baby. I mean, that's the way it goes. And now you're not going to really see, unfortunately, I don't think, a move on the part of our legislators to do anything. We know it's the will of the people. We know the vast majority of the money that went to support, I mean, 80-plus percent of the

money that went into a campaign against medical marijuana in Florida was from outside the state of Florida. So the people really supporting it were all in the state of Florida, but we were outspent and outguns, so to speak, and we still nearly passed the damn thing. I think they can see the writing is on the wall. That's the thing in Florida. You know, the further north you go, the further south you are. I mean, you've got now clerks of courts.

Tonight at midnight is when the gay marriage, same-sex marriage in Florida, is basically legal as of midnight. And you've got clerks of court. These are public servants in the northern part of the state. of Florida, who are now no longer, they have canceled all marriages, like, you know, people go to the clerk and they say, okay, we'll get our license, and then we can do have a ceremony right there. They're canceling all marriage ceremonies so that they don't have to conduct same-sex marriages. So basically telling everybody, you can, we're not doing the ceremonies

here anymore, you know, the old, you know, get married on the courthouse steps kind of nonsense. They won't do that anymore because they don't want to marry same-sex couples. So that's the attitude of so it's really two Florida's. That's the problem. Florida is a red state. It's America's red penis with the blue foreskin that they wish they could just circumcise, you know, off the state. And truth be told, we wish it too, because a lot of their revenue in the state, you know, in Tallahassee in the state capital, comes from South Florida. Your tourists don't go to Tallahassee.

Tourists come to Orlando and Miami and Palm Beach and the keys. You know, they come to South Florida, which is, I compare what I say. It's like Atlanta is to Georgia. You know what I mean? It's kind of like a reasonable, modern, you know, metropolis in the midst of basically deliverance. You know, dueling banjos is the rest of the state of Florida. And they just think the scourge of marijuana was going to. you know, was going to turn our white women to jazz and black men.

Like literally reaffir madness shit. And I think that that when you see the numbers, even being outspent the way that we were, you see nearly 59% of the vote. And you know, the old guard, I think, is dying off. And that's the thing. You have a lot of older people who vote, and then don't stick around long enough

to confront the consequences of their electoral behavior. But I think that that's going to change. change. And if we have another shot at this, I think it's a foregone conclusion that sick children will finally get the medicine that they need. That's what it's come to in the state of Florida, that people were willing to look, you know, eight-year-old girls who have hundreds of seizures a day in the face and say, no, you can't have the medicine that your doctor says that you need. this is my business for some reason what your private medical situation is

and I'm telling you know you have to continue taking these toxic pharmaceutical drugs that drug dealers and lab coats give you that the side effects of which are sometimes worse than your original symptoms and that's what you're going to I mean

they're literally torturing children down here and that's and that's okay by Floridians but I don't think that's going to be the case for much longer. Like I said, I think the old guard is dying out, and there's a new generation of millennials and free-thinking, freedom-loving Americans down here in Florida, who are going to change things in this, you know,

in the next generation. If not, I'm going to show up with a big bag of reef and a big dick and sling it down there. I love you, Billy Corbyn Coxucker. We're going to give up. Because if we fail next time, we're going to need all the help we can get. I mean, that's it. It's going to be Sodom and Gomorah time down here because it's just – this town is – you know,

that's the thing is you get a new generation of leadership, and you think, like I very optimistically just declared that there's going to be some kind of change here. And I think the only change might be the sea level, you know, to drown us all, which at some point might just be okay. The only higher ground we have with a higher elevation we have are these condos that we built and continue to build, just unfettered construction. And that's like, that's the name of the game down here now is basically money laundering from South America, Eastern Europe, Russia, money laundering through these condos and developments here in downtown Miami,

especially in Brickle and South Beach. And those guys, I mean, the big-time developers here, they're basically like the cocaine cowboys now, not only with the money laundering, but they literally just have all of the politicians bought. And they're free to do just about anything that they want to do, including rob the public coffers, and get public money for sometimes multi-billion-dollar development projects to pay for infrastructure, as they call it, infrastructure improvement. and these guys are making campaign contributions to politicians who are running unopposed. They're running unopposed. They've got no opponent. They got no campaign to run, but they're getting hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal, so-called legal campaign contributions.

And again, I know that's happening everywhere, but you look in South Florida, and we pioneer these techniques. I mean, you know, they used to say, but the Florida of today is the America of Tomorrow. And if you want to know what calamities, what schemes and scams are going to befall America in the next decade or two, you stick the thermometer in Florida and you take a look at what's going on down here, and you will know the shit that's going to go down nationwide in the next decade or two. And that bears itself out in everything.

You go back through history and you realize that Florida is the barometer. It's the canary in the coal mine for all. all of America's biggest shitstorms. They all form or gather steam and strength down here in Florida. It's time to fucking do something. Billy, call me when you get to town. I love you, cuck, sucker. I'm happy you called in today.

It's always a knowledge of fucking, a wealth of knowledge when you call in. Anytime, guys. Happy New Year. I love you, Billy. Thank you for calling in, man. That was fucking in the end of you, too. I loved it with all my heart. Thank you.

I appreciate it. Hopefully someday we'll have a reason to do a part three. We'll see how it goes. It's not going well, though. Okay, I love you. Have a good week. Happy New Year. What's the story there, Lisa?

What's this story, buddy? A little bit of music. I got to go take a fucking pee that is killing me. My dick is backed up. That's it. All right, buddy. I'm done.

If you're in L.A., Joey's at the improv this weekend. When somebody breaks your heart Some somebody Twice as smart as I Let me check Somebody who would swear to be true Used to do to learn

The 10th 8 and 1030 It's come in Buffalo On the 22nd to the 24th at helium And the Funny Bone in Columbus, Ohio 29th to the 31st High as fuck guys So far We're back bitches

Sorry about that The coffee, the fucking protein shake And these two things of water Had my fucking blad on fire My protein shake This morning too What did you do wrong Because I don't drink the same protein shake

I mix them up a little bit Oh But I'm back to fucking on it That chocolate that I bought from the other place sucked So I had to put the on it to Because the honor tastes fucking delicious

Oh, cool. So I put the on it back into that shake sucked this morning. I drank. I'm like, what the fuck's going on with this? Because I always switch them up, protein five. That one on it, and there's one other one. And I like to switch around. I'm just sticking with the on it cocoa now.

Yeah. It's a lot better. It tastes a lot fucking better. No, that was interesting. Florida has always been a fuck. Every time I go to fucking Florida, you know, my mom didn't like Florida. And my mom was Cuban as could be.

She just thought that something was always fucking wrong down there. So if you get a, if you get chances, follow fucking Billy on Twitter. want to see it. It was great. I had a trouble getting it because I recorded it like two or three times and like women's volleyball was on and one time a game went late so I didn't get it

and it was just it took me a while to find it but I watched it all last night and it's good. It's a longer one than I thought it was going to be like an hour, it's like an hour 45 it's great. You know it's funny I stayed home from December 6th on. I went to the UFC

we did the South Point Casino which I didn't show up this week. just got out of there too late. We got 1.15, 1.30, and they were hungry, and the mushrooms were kicking, and I just didn't want to go to South Point and fuck them up. You know, it's a 20-minute ride out there by the time we got out there would have been fucked up. So I took those three weeks off, and I didn't take them off.

I didn't take them off from comedy or from the podcast. I took them off from touring, from getting on a plane. I just wanted to try something, and I changed my writing around, my writing day, the time of the day I wrote. I also started writing the book again, and I've got three chapters in, but I didn't write the usual stories. I wrote more about my state of mind and what the things were bothering me when I was young, and I got three good chapters in, the exercise.

I just wanted, it was like I was preparing for 2015, and I'm very happy. A lot of people don't have that opportunity and don't even think about that. Like, I really wanted to hit 2015. I appreciate what you said about my sets last week, because, You know, I've even been performing a lot. Like I've been on stage every night. I had to go out of my conference zone also. The ha-ha, by the way, I want to cheer DiAgostino.

I want to give him, congratulate him. He quit the Ha-ha Cafe. That's awesome. You know, I was on Diagostino for about three months. I didn't want to talk about on a podcast because I love Diagistino. Yeah. And he's a funny guy. But Eddie Griffin once told me something,

that you get into stand-up not to have a job. And he was even talking about television, you know, that you get into stand-up. He goes, he got into stand-up so he wouldn't have to be somewhere at 8 o'clock in the morning. And I'm not talking about jobs or bad jobs, Tony, but I'm just, you know, when you're a comedian, what your goal is, is to finally break away from this day job. And sometimes we fall into a comfort zone that we think we can't make it without that day job, without that constant income. And Lee went through it last year. It's a scary part when you choose your art over your, you know,

you said some interesting that you wanted it to be a better podcast. Maybe we'd make more money from the sponsors. I wish the sponsors went away sometimes, Lee. Yeah. Because it puts a different thing on the show. I want this podcast, you want this podcast to be the strongest it could be for us to always, you know, be sharp and be on top of it. And I really enjoyed how this podcast.

opened up till they were you getting out of your comfort zone. When you told me you had gone to yoga the other day, I was on the phone and my head blew up kind of, but I knew it was a big step for you. And I know, it's like when I went to Redondo Beach for the Higgen-Michalo seminar on a Sunday at 12 o'clock. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking hated it. But it opened up doors for me.

It always will open up a door for you. Even if you had a, I mean, when you do something out of your comfort zone, even if the experience is bad, you feel high. You get a high from it because you did something in the positive direction. Even though if you didn't think the experience was good, you're still going to get something from it, Lee. Somewhere along the line, you're going to get something from it. And that's what I don't think.

When I see people sometimes, I think they shut themselves down, you know. It gets very easy to be comfortable in something. And I never want people to, people were being raised. I had the same problem. And not that I was raised like that, maybe television, maybe something fucked with me that money would make your life that much better. It really doesn't.

You know, when you look at your career as a stand-up or as a musician, you're not going to make money until you fine-tune your act. It's a catch-22. Nobody's going to pay you to fine-tune your act. Right. And then nobody's going to pay you to start music.

I'm going to start playing the ukulele today and I want to put a fucking band together. Nobody's going to... That's something that you want to do from your insides. Something that comes from your inside. Something that, you know, when you have a job, It's not a job if you enjoy it. Yeah.

They give you a check at the end of the week. Oh my God, how lucky am I. I get to do what I love and I get to find the check. But now you're going to go, Joey, how do I find where I love? By going out of your comfort zone. That's what you're going to find what you love. That's it. Yeah.

That's plain and fucking simple, you know. I think I try as many things as I can. I'm going to Jitza today. Oh, cool. I'm going with salami today because I can't go over the hill because the baby is sick still. We don't know what the fuck's going on. The babysitter doesn't come back until Wednesday. You know, for the last couple of weeks, I've been not down on Jiu-Jitsu,

but I really wasn't getting anywhere with it. You know, I really wasn't getting anywhere with it. I felt that I kept going, and my breathing is still bad, and I still got anxiety when I'm on the bottom, and I still got a stop and stuff, and I took the flight the other day with Big John McCarthy. We both flew out of Burbank to Vegas, and Big John has a school in Valencia, you know,

the ultimate fighting or whatever. the fuck of this up there in Valencia he does a great job i know people from vmac have gone up there for the open mat and uh also for his competitions he puts together and i asked him i go what are these problems i'm having he goes first off joey you're 51 years old you're going up against 20 year olds and you're judging yourself on that that's not the way you should judge yourself you should judge yourself by the little accomplishments that you're making if you last three and a half minutes this monday you did better Now, Tuesday, go for four minutes.

And eventually, he goes, I don't want you straining. I want you to just flow. And don't worry about what happens. You know, he drew this completely different picture on this one-hour flight to Vegas. And I got excited. You know, I got very excited. And the vertigo, fucked me up, being on my back. But it really doesn't matter.

I'm going back today. And this is what you need to do as a human being to get forward sometimes. It's not the big things. It's the fucking. little things Lee. It really is. For me, it's always been the little steps. Those little baby steps blow the fuck up, you know? I hate going out at night, Lee. I don't know. I'm to the point where for a long time, I didn't have the store. So going to flappers or the ha-ha wasn't as enjoyable to me. Now I go to the store and I enjoy myself. You've been down there with me.

It's a fast hit. We go in, we do the set, and we get the fuck out of it. Only one time we've hung out and we got wings. Last week, I introduced you the Irish. Oh, that's terrible. My crazy old friend Irish. Iris is the real fucking deal, Doug. Okay, he got me, he gave me an edible, a strong edible. Was it like 30 milligrams? Which one?

The cookie. Yeah, the cookie was 100 milligrams, and I ate three quarters there. Yeah, so I had like 25, 30 milligrams. I was high out of my mind. I almost lost my check outside your car. I went to Long Beach Laugh factory first, and then I went to the Hollywood Improv. Went to the comedy store. Went to the comedy store.

And there's this woman yelling at you during your. you're set and one of the door guys comes over and makes it be quiet but then as you're walking down you give her a hug and she was probably the drunkest I've ever seen anybody be drunk. She couldn't stand up straight

and she would get in my face and everyone's on this thing has seen me or heard me high. I don't respond well to like if you don't like me you should get your car and leave just still my mother and just and you were torturing me because you

kept calling her back. She would leave and go dance somewhere and be like, Irish, right, and she'd come back and get in my face again. And I just kept looking at you, like, stop, and you're like, what, she won't leave, but then you go, Irish, get back here, Irish. She thought I had Coke. She kept thinking, I know you got Coke. Let me talk to you about something.

I know you got blow. I ain't got no fucking blow. I kept telling her, I ain't got no blow. And she said, I got something for you. What do you got for me? I want to show you. I want to show you. And then we went back there.

She goes, I don't have nothing for you. I just know you have blow on you. I don't have no fucking blow. I've known Irish since she first came from Boston. Her name is Katie. She's fucking nuts. Is that that waitress who only had sex with black dudes? That's it.

Oh, no. That's Katie. She only has sex with black dudes. She was the drunk. And she was like, they banned me from a showroom again. And you were just torturing her. I have the fucking torture. That's my job and shit.

I didn't, I don't know. I love Katie. I've seen Katie do some crazy shit. I seen a beat up a guy once on the ramp. Yeah, she remember. Remembered it? You're like, hey, Katie, remember the time he beat the guy with him? She's like, remember his pants fell down. Oh, my gosh. She pulled him down and threw him down and started hitting him with his shoe and shit. Let me give some shoutouts real quick. Hey, man, it's 2015. I love you guys more than I did last year.

Dick Watanabe, Jamie Stanley, Plain Air Rider, Frankie Nilsson, Mike Davis, Jesse Wright, and the fake guy, Dan. I love you motherfuckers. thank you for supporting and thank you for being my motherfucking corner and shit so now I got three more weeks in town to relax and get my goals tighter and my shit tighter for Buffalo and Columbus. I'm in Buffalo

this month. I'm in Columbus at the Funny Bones Super weekend. Two weeks later I'm in Austin for Valentine's Day with Uncle Joey. That's awesome. And then the last week of February I'm in a motherfucking Indianapolis like a motherfucker. Oh shit. So I'm excited about that shit. I want to talk to you because I went to the store on

Saturday with Paula and I knew it but I didn't really notice it until this weekend you'll do some of the same jokes but your set is never the same and as someone who doesn't do comedy like I went and I saw a couple people there Bobby Lee did amazing but there were a couple people who did like the same jokes

I've heard them do six months ago at the store and it's just does that help when you're a comic or shouldn't like if you're doing 15 new minutes every night Shouldn't it be different? Like, does it, if you're doing the same stuff, does it not help? Well, you're not doing 15 new minutes every night. What you're doing is you're doing material,

and you're trying your new stuff, wind it, wind it in that. Okay. That's what I do. That's what I think keeps the audience coming back. You know, when I was a kid and I watched somebody do TV, I was hoping that they, you know, do a certain joke that I wanted, but also something about some social commentary, something that they've seen some social commentary.

commentary of sorts. That's it. And we've discussed this a thousand times. When I see a comic doing the same act over and over, you're hurting my feelings because you're letting me know you've seen nothing interesting. I see something fucking interesting every goddamn day. Yeah. You know, but every room is different. The store, that original room, Ari and I had this conversation on Mushrooms Friday night

when we're sitting there tormenting fucking people at the MGM Grand. Sometimes you might write something. New and your money go up on stage, especially at the store. And your goal is not even to get laughter. You just want to try this fucking joke out. You just want to try this fucking joke out. That's it. But somebody before you does something, and now you have to call it.

Like what happened last week when I went down into music? Oh, yeah. That was great. The B.T Express. You know, what are you going to do? You killed. I got off, and you were happy. Everybody was happy.

But guess what? The fucking joke I wrote that I worked for fucking a week. I didn't get to try. So while people are shaking my hand going, man, that was a great set. I'm thinking, I suck dick. I worked hard all fucking week to try that one line. So sometimes you get caught up in the energy of the room.

Oh, okay. So you forget shit, you know. I went to the store last week. I did the cocaine joke, the cat's storing it. It just called for it. I know the audience, and it calls for it. Sometimes you might want to go up on stage and have this, but the audience calls for something else.

Is the audience saying what material are you saying? No. it's just an energy in the room. But it is kind of crazy because the week before or earlier that week, I forget what it was, you had not a great set at the store. Like it was, you just couldn't get them on your side. It was like a slow night.

Was it Christmas or Christmas Eve? Oh, the main room. The main room. Monday night for the special show Monday night. Was it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, man, you're going to have bad days and you're going to have good days.

It's just knowing that inside that you gave it your role. That's the most important thing. Even when I started comedy, I knew I was a little older and I knew that you're going to have bad days and good days. The rule is that you went down there, showed up, and gave it your role. You didn't get fucked up. You did what you were supposed to do. You took care of business. If I write and I work out in a day, I'm very happy.

The set at night is to cherry on the fucking Sunday. Yesterday, I had two things on my mind. I wanted to write a little bit, and I wanted to work out. I had a tremendous work out and had a great day of writing. That's a good day for me. I had a good day with my family. I stick to my fucking calories. I can't.

And I didn't do anything. I didn't even leave the fucking house, basically. I went to the farmer's market yesterday with the family. Walked around. You're not banned from the farmer's market? I'm not banned anymore. And some people ask me, oh, it's great to see you. Where are you been?

I explained to him. And they said, paparachis are still a lot to go. You just can't take pictures with the kids. So I went over yesterday with Mercy, and I put her in the petting zoo. And she didn't like the goats, and she didn't give a fuck about the chickens. She liked the rabbit, but after a couple of minutes, she just wanted to get the fuck out of it. And I can see them lurking. And I'll tell you, just seeing them yesterday.

My blood pressure went up a little bit. But now I'm prepared. If anything ever happens, and they follow me to my car now. I'm prepared. Do they attack you a lot when they see you? No, that one time. Well, I know that one time was great. That one time was bad.

No, no. They weren't taking pick. That had nothing to do with me. Right. They were attacking a guard. They were attacking a guard that didn't need to be. be attacked and all these fucking little testosterone faggot fucking father gentile fucks were walking around that one person that's what my real true feeling was to that farmer's market that i've helped out

people that i didn't even know if i see somebody getting bullied or something or something ain't right i'll sit there i won't say nothing i'll just sit there and watch for a few minutes and see where this is going and that's what i did that day but nobody did it to me and people watched people were circling. When they had me surrounded, I turned around one time. There was a ton of men with fucking little baby carriages and those studio city faggots looking at me, but nobody did fucking nothing. And that's the America we live in today. Sometimes you get somebody with fucking balls that'll stick up for the little guy, and sometimes people don't even say nothing. Me, I see three people around one guy. I got to stop and just watch. I got to stop and watch.

All three years are not going to jump. You're not going to jump them. You want to fight them individually, the guy did something to you, you're going to fight him like a fucking man. But all three years, not on my fucking watch. And not some guy that's a security guard on a Sunday, that's a short, chubby guy that doesn't even, he's just doing this for a fucking job. They didn't even give him a water gun.

You know, and you guys want to be tough guys around him. That's not going to work around me. I wasn't raised that way. Right. You stick up for a little guy where at least go, hey, man, what the fuck? There's four you motherfuckers here. Really? Really?

Pick one and fight him. What do you think? You're going to have to fight one of them, motherfucker. Fight one of them. Knock them in the fucking head, and none of these three will fuck with you no more. And that's all my intention was.

But I went yesterday, everything was cool. The fish guy was cool to me. I got a couple Mexican fucking fruit guys that loved me when I go down. And now they got my back. I told them. So that's it.

I spent some time with them yesterday and fucked around. So any day I work out right and spend my family, and I could torture you on the fucking phone. I've had a complete day, Lee. I thought we were doing mushrooms this morning. I know.

I know. I was lying to you. I wanted you to quit last night. I can't. I can't. Dude, what do you say to me? Come on, man. Well, yeah. Come on, man.

Come on, man. It's going to be bad because you call me more. Like, you call me like twice and they usually maybe three times. When it's like four or five times, it's like once an hour, I know you have like a bad edible in you. Or you're going to go get something terrible or it's just going to be a bad. I went to the wheat store, yes. I got a couple of crunch candy. You always go to the weed store.

I got a couple grams of wheat. But then on the way out, I said, let me get Billy your fucking bang. I know he likes those bang bars. I got you the weak one. But last night I was sitting there about 7 o'clock, and I said, fuck, we're eating this thing myself. And I inhaled it, and I got fucked up. And I went to bed early.

I watched the U part too, and I went to bed early. That's it. And I felt good. The workout felt good. Everything felt good. Awesome. I'm happy that we made it through another year's a podcast, and I'm happy that you guys are still around.

Thank you for all the love and respect you give us. And, you know, we try hard and give you the same fucking love and respect, because that's what we do here at the church. of motherfucking what's happened now. Also, I want to put a disclaimer out. Last week, after the Vegas show, I talked to some people. Do not fucking, please don't judge me

on whatever we talked about. I was really hiring the fucking mushrooms in Vegas and a bunch of people kept coming up to me and talking to me, and they didn't know I was just freaking out on mushrooms, dipped down inside. And this one guy came up to me and started asking me a bunch of questions.

It's real sweetheart of a guy with a beard. And I looked him in the face and I go, what's with the fucking question? Shake my hand and get the fuck out of here. And he just looked at me all weird. Oh, no. And I didn't mean to say that. It was just what was cooking inside of me.

Like, stop with the fucking quiet. You know, I came up. Like, what was in my mind? Yeah. Came out of my mouth. So please, uh, if I said something to you off color, forgive me. I was just on mushrooms and you were in front of me and I was freaking out. Well, I made Ari and Duncan kiss at the UFC.

Oh, my God. I don't know if you guys saw the pictures from Joe Rogan's Twitter yesterday. Please go to Joe Rogan's Twitter. We were eating dinner and wrote, uh, Duncan asked Rogan where we were sitting. And Duncan, Rogan said, you're sitting right behind me. I got you the best seats in the house.

And Duncan was great. I'll start throwing up the Illuminati figure. And he goes, I've thrown it up before. And he's like, Duncan, what are you talking about? So Duncan went through his phone. He goes, look, the pictures of him with the Illuminati. People were taking pictures. This is way before a Saturday night show.

This had been going on. One time Duncan went to a fight a month ago, and he kept doing the Illuminati signal. So people kept watching them. They saw that. Joe was laughing his ass off. You know, with Illuminati. We were fucking dying in the car.

Yeah. You know, and that was how it started. So I guess they went to the fight and just took it to the next level. I didn't stay for the fight. I had to go home because I had a lot of show on my plate Sunday and Monday to the right and get it all together.

So they have to go to a doctor and have a bunch of paperwork for him. I also looked at a fucking old Playboy. I never looked at Playboy, you know? Yeah, why were you looking at Playboy? Because the other day, I was on the computer and something happened, I typed in an A or something. What the fuck was I doing?

I was looking for something, and I found Ariani Nudes. It said, Ariani Nude pictures, right? I never saw Ariani fucking nude, right? Okay. So I clicked on the fucking Ariani Nude pictures, and there it was, like 30 pictures of Ariani Nude. Great Titty, his beautiful face, ugliest fucking little pussy you've ever seen you like.

It just goes down flat, like there's no bump to it, nothing, and it was bald. Well, she's super skinny. Huh? She's really skinny. Yeah, there's nonexistent. You know, if you're going to be a woman, carry a lump in between your fucking... It's the ugliest fucking pussy.

You just flat. The flattest fucking pussy. No hair. It just went backwards. Like, it's a minus pussy. Like, it went backwards. Like, there was no fucking... I mean, I know she hit the clit and shit,

but you could just see it. It's a downward fucking slope. So I was telling those guys at lunchtime. And they're like, Ariani's a nice girl. Yeah, but she got an ugly fucking pussy. Let me read the sponsor. Get the fuck out of here.

Like I was saying this morning, it all starts with On it. You want a better 2015. You want to feel good about yourself. The utmost optimization, as they call it. This isn't a vitamin or a supplement. This is a way of taking your fucking life to the next fucking level. Whether it's the hemp force protein or it's the fucking strong bone, which I use from my knee, and I'm getting great results.

The Shroom Tech Sport, which I'll take with me before I go to Jitu today, because I haven't taken it in a month. You know, I don't just take the Shroom Tech sport for everything. I just take it for Jitza. Oh, okay. Just to give me some more breathing and some more oxygen and stuff. I love On it. I was at Aubrey the other night, and he was saying, you know, on it,

Aubrey, whatever, Warrior Poet on Mad Flay. It was a type of guy that whenever you talk to him, he's always looking for the next thing. He's always going to these mountains. He's always going to these fucking things to find herbs and minerals. and it's just a constant search. And that's what Onit's about. It's a constant way to be better. He was talking about going back to Peru

and he found this tea that gets you. You know, it's just always constant with him. And that's why I believe in honor, and that's why they sponsor the podcast. Do me a favor. Go to honor.com. Look at what the stuff they have, whether it's weights, you know, kettlebells,

they got the battle ropes, all that shit. I can't help you with that, but I'll get you 10% off on the supplements. You know this. Do me a favor. Go to honor. Just pick something. Start with the fucking alpha brain. Put in one in the box.

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You've been fucking around for too fucking long. Go to honor.com today right now and get something. Get a supplement. I guarantee it's going to change your life. You're going to feel better. Start with the alpha brain. Number two, my favorite fucking people in the world, Iron Dragon TV. Dave Foley is a hell of a guy.

Don't forget to go to Box. What number today? Tomorrow. 15423, I believe. Because Tim Kennedy will be signing all you guys. If you're at the Consumer Electronic Show in Las Vegas. But anyway, you put it, I went back on there again yesterday.

They've added more movies on Iron Dragon TV. Yeah, like 30 a month. Yeah, like 30 a month. Do me a favor. If you're into classic martial arts or you've heard about it or you want to get into it, if what's his name, Rodriguez's channel, L. Ray Channel doesn't have the martial film

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Joey. And get two free films on the fucking arm just to get you started. Trust me, this is a company that's growing and getting better. I think they're adding something else. Some music, they don't fuck around. Nanotech doesn't fuck around. Please go to Iron Dragon TV today, get two free rentals. by entering what?

Joey. And it's, nanotech, the company, the parent company, they have another channel where they're shooting 4K concerts.

It's really cool. Guys, it does and then. Get in with these guys right now. Get in on this program. You're going to love it. Iron Dragon TV and press in. Joey. And get two free fucking rentals.

Again, Lee was saying, that's it. It's here. You've been talking bullshit or, I'm going to quit smoking. It's here. Start today.

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No fucking around. I'd thank Nailed It Life, Hitties6.com, Iron Dragon TV, and honor for backing us always and for starting a new year up with us. That's how we fucking do it, motherfuckers. Beside that, man, it's up to you this year. It's up to you. The ball's in your fucking court.

No more fucking around. You want your life to be better? I can't help you. Lee can't help you. Joe Rogan can't help you. Ari can't help you. God can't fucking help you. Only you could fucking help you.

Grab your fucking balls. Get a fucking notebook. and write down what the fuck you're gonna do this year. And this is it. You're not gonna have these proms. Fuck the drugs. Fuck the cigarettes. Fuck that dumb bitch.

It all starts fucking today, all right? No more fucking excuses. This is the year of the fucking soldier. It's 2015 we're going in like fucking Marines. You understand me? 2015, we're getting back what belongs to us. And that's it. No more fucking around.

Play the National Anthem League. I'm sick of these motherfuckers. Let's go the good one too, with shoots and fucking people missing legs. hear the good one Lisa yet it's over we're fucking Americans I'm sick and fucking tired of your bullshit if you're not sick and tired of your bullshit and you're not sick and tired of society's bullshit I can't breathe put your hands up every fucking day there's something different you're a fucking American motherfucker you

don't want to get shot don't get fucking pulled over you don't want to get fucking shot don't fucking do something wrong all right I don't want to get fucking shot I don't even shoplift no more but that's me you're a fucking American it's January fit. It starts today, you fucking maggot, motherfucker. Stop blaming everything on everybody. And fucking American society and the fucking iPhone. Fuck you in the fucking

iPhone. Fuck you in fucking Facebook. Fuck you in social media. It's all about you, you dumb motherfucker. Get up, grab your balls. Hug your wife. Kiss the kid. Pick up the fucking dog. Stop it. Stop it. It's not all Obama's fault.

You don't want a bowler? Take your vitamin C, you dumb motherfucker. You don't want ISIS to fuck with you? Stay in New Jersey. But stop your fucking crying. You're a fucking American, you fucking douchebag. Start acting like it. That's it.

You're a fucking American. Motherfucker. That's it. It's over. All right. None of the shows ever, don't forget to go to Onet.com and use Coord Church to get 10% off of all of the great supplements. Alpha Brain, New Moot, Troom Tech, Immune, Trum Tech Sport, anything like that. Use Coord Church.

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