The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #248 - Barry Katz, Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: January 15, 2015

Barry Katz, Comedy manager, joins in to Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. Wed. January 7th at 2pm. Visit NanoTech's booth at CES to meet UFC Star Tim Kennedy. Their booth number is 15423 Recorded live on 01/14/2015.Music:For The Love Of Money - O'JaysEarly In The Morning - The Gap Band

I fucking slept shitty last night. Really? Oh, fuck. This show is sponsored by NatureBox. Thank God. NatureBox ships great tasting, healthy snacks right to your door. Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like dark cocoa almonds. Support this podcast by ordering a free NatureBox sampler box at Naturebox.com slash Joey.

That's right. Free Naturebox snacks are found at NatureBox.com slash Joey. So is also brought. to you by Onit.com. Go to Onet.com and use co-word church to get 10% off of all their optimization products like Alpha Brain, New Mood, ShroomTech Immune, Shrum Tech Sport. It's code word church to get 10% off. Also go to Meundies.com and check out all the picks they have of the different styles

of men's underwear. And for women, they have hot-looking boy shorts. When you go to Meundies.com slash Joey, you're going to get 20% off of your first order. And right now they're giving away free shipping in the United States. United States and Canada. And go to iron dragon TV.com. Iron Dragon is a brand new Roku channel with all your favorite martial arts movies, Jackie Chan, Itman series.

They have a whole bunch of on-it videos on there. Go to Iron Dragon TV.com and use over Joey to get two free rentals. Oh shit. Taking it back. Black people are black people. And fuck around with fake dreads in their hair smelling like that. Ew. What?

Fuck at the church on a Wednesday night. Barry Katz in the house. Lysayat in the house. Oh shit. I got a tight Chris Brown up, set them down, and give them back hands to this song. Shut up, bitch. What? Wednesday night.

Fuck dancing with the stars Fuck the Emmys Let's do this What's going on Lisa? What the hell you've been all day? Whatever, I've been here It takes you eight hours

To eat breakfast No it doesn't I talk to you at 9 I go what are you doing I'm gonna eat breakfast I'm gonna go to the gym I talk to you too I'm just making lunch

I'm gonna go to the gym I'm gonna go to the gym I'm 1230 today What the fuck do for those eight hours He clean I'm cleaning How much do you Only I clean the day It's coming to your house

What the fuck is that? Every day I get in the car with you And there's always a new adventure So I call you the other day I'm cleaning Because Paul is coming over Okay That's nine in the morning

At one I call you You're still cleaning Because Paul is coming home I'm gonna pick her up for lunch And then I get in the car with you the other day You're talking about some fucking dude Who went through Afghanistan He lost his wrist

He took to your house And he cleans once a month These guys are casing your fucking house Who are the fuck guys Come in your house I don't care if she's an ugly woman I want a woman over the house Most of them are women

I want like a four foot two apocalyptic With no neck thing in my toilet I don't want to see no fucking guy It makes me nervous Like the guy's case in the fucking joint What's wrong with you I don't have much the case So when does the guy come over and clean

Once a month last Thursday very month And you have these people on the payroll I guess it costs like 20 bucks an hour Yeah Look at you're like fucking It makes it I would never do it. What happens if they're cleaning the fucking toilet?

Awesome, they got a flashback. And they start beating you with a bow and arrow. What are you going to do? I don't stand right next to them. Wow. You said I got to deal with Barry Katz. In studio, the main man of this fucking town, making it happen and shit. What's the name of the podcast?

Making the industry shaking their boots. What's the name? Industry Stand. That's right. Industry Strand. My main man, Mr. Barry Katz in the house. Thank you for having me back. I can't believe I've made the cut to come back.

I love you. I've always loved. I've always been a fan. You always fucking cracked me up when I see you what's happening. Right back at your brother. This is incredible. He tells me at 10 I'm cleaning.

And then in the car last week, he's talking about this Vietnam vet that comes home. He wants to sleep the house and he's an extra in movies. He is. What the fuck kind of people do you meet online? I came into this podcast and a really respectable Jewish man. And now I am a self-hating Jew right now as I watch you. Why?

Because I have a cleaner come on? Once month? No, because you have a Yamaka with a Boston Red Sox. That's someone sent me this. It's so cool. Who doesn't want a Red Sox Yamaka? With a beyond. You're going to have to wear that to hold it.

It's 16 days to pitchers and catches. I know. Something crazy. Like 33 days. Somebody just told me the other day. Is it like early February? Like right around Super Bowl? Something just munching it to me.

They're like, hey man, can you imagine? 36 days, the pitches and catches. I'm like, Jesus Christ. Yeah, like from Century City to here, they might make it in time. Yeah. Oh, my God. What the fuck, Bicats? Tell me something.

It's so good to see you. What movies are you doing? What the fuck? What did you insult last week? I didn't. I just, I couldn't believe our podcast. I got so much great feedback from our podcast. I didn't, I knew the church of what's happening because I thought it would be the temple of what's happening.

No, you dropped fucking serious knowledge that people want to know about. These people at home think that what we do out here is glamorous. They see the final product. Well, they should come to this office. see you in your cohort here. No, no, no, no, no. They should see, you know, what goes on on the set. And when they hear these stories, they go into fucking shock.

You know, the person in Iowa really thinks that, you know, when George Clooney and Brett pit are hugging and giggling at the Colman Globes, they really like each other. These fucking people hang out and have cocktails. They don't let these guys on each other as agents, finding out where they're going to eat to see who could show up first. And the creepiest fucking lifestyles. I did an interview with this woman, Sarah. Siegel Magnus, who's one of the producers

of Precious. And she was telling me that literally like, she was at the Golden Globes in the Academy Awards. And people, at the table, they weren't even talking to each other. You know, the round table? They just literally everyone hated each other. Until the camera was on.

Until the camera was on. No, it's a, the great thing about podcasts had been around for a while. I didn't even know about it. But then the thing, like five or six years ago that really made podcast take off was comedy. So now a lot of people out there and myself included have learned a lot about comedy

like the industry but not really like not the behind the scenes stuff like they learn what comics go through and that's why you know one of the reasons why I started industry standard it's I never really told you this I don't think but I every manager every agent every lawyer I talk to said

don't do it don't do it no managers doing it there's a reason why they're not doing it because you're giving out information that people don't like to have out there. You're talking about things factually that people don't want to have out there. But this is what I felt. I felt like if you're in a situation where if I represented you, and let's say the De Niro movie happened,

and I would be so excited for you, and I would hug you to death and congratulate you. But then I would go home, and I would say, oh, God, Barry, you only, you only, only help one person. You only help one person. Is there something you can do where you can help more people? And I thought of all these meetings I've had with network presidents and studio executives

and showrunners and I'd get out of the meeting and get in my car and I'd be like, God, I can't believe I was the only guy in that room to hear Doug Herzog talk to me for 90 minutes or Chris Albrecht or Steve McPherson or Phil Rosenthal. and what would it be like if millions of people could hear what they have to say? And that's why I started then. Most all of these people that I interview have never done a podcast before. Granted, I sometimes do certain artists who are executive producers on their own shows. But for the most part, I just deal on the other side.

And it's really, apparently it's been pretty inspirational. I've been fortunate. It's 2015. And I always say this, you're not a fan of anyone anymore. When I was growing up, I was a fan of the Beatles. Today, I could have contacted John Lennon on Twitter. That's right. And eventually he would have cracked and said, hey, go fuck yourself or something, you know.

Then our fans know. And then you would have tracked him down and shot him. Whatever, you know, whatever the, but now it's a different thing for you to exist as an artist. Maybe not. Maybe I'm wrong. It would be nice to communicate with people who buy your record. It would be nice to communicate with people who come to your shows and pay $62 and $18 ticket fee to come see you at whatever.

So I'm a fan of everything. When I did, I don't know, Arlis, I was listening to James Coburn talk about when he shot The Magnificent Seven how they didn't want Yule Brenner to steal the movie because he was a foreigner. So they tormented him every night. They would call him and hang up and break into his room and put lizards in his room. He hated lizards or something.

You know what that does to be? People love hearing that shit. There used to be a TV channel that would play movies. And during the movies, AMC, AMC would play the movie twice in a night. But they would play it in the beginning with fun facts that you didn't know about.

During this scene, Stephen Seagal broke his ankle and they had a postponed shooting for six weeks. And that's what you're doing with the entertainment business. If I was a civilian, if I lived in Iowa and I watched television and I was a fan of Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy and community, I would listen to your podcast because I want to know what they're fucking saying. I almost feel embarrassed about it because it's like, you know, there's 350,000 podcasts out there. And technically, no one knows who I am.

No one knows who these people are, but they come. And as you know, I wouldn't be here right now unless the podcast we're doing well, because that's the way the business works. And that's probably what we'll probably talk about today is the fact that you have to get people's attention. You have to create a problem. You have to do something that gets people to notice. And that's why you call me. You call me because you love me.

I know you love me. But I wouldn't be here unless that podcast. wasn't doing what it was doing. And I just wouldn't be here because if it was number 347,000 as opposed to number 100 or number 150 or 500 out of 350,000, that's why you're in places,

that's why you do things, that's why the church of what's happening, so many people want to be on this because it's doing so well. If your thing wasn't doing well, you wouldn't be able to get anybody on here, but you're friends. And I would be here to do it for you.

And Joey and I talk a lot about either people or organizations in an industry that are, like, in the industry, working in it and not understanding part of it. So as a comedian, Joey, wouldn't you be more, wouldn't you be more excited to work with a manager who had a podcast and would understand when you call him and be like, I want to get sponsors for the podcast or I want to get different guests? He'd understand it. He's here. Barry is sitting there because I have the utmost respect. of him of just doing one thing, you know, and that's of fucking having knowledge, what the fuck a podcast is? What conversation do you and I have on the phone every three days about how the fuck am I doing business with them?

They don't know what a podcast is. Right now in the entertainment business, it's changed in 15 years. It's a different realm. 20 years ago, a movie came up. I would call Barry and say, Barry, I want to go on for this movie. Barry would call the casting director, and he knows somebody in the producer. and he knows somebody in the producing office and go, hey, my client, he'd be perfect for this,

call casting, get them in there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Today, if you call casting, they go, can you please submit him electronically? Or the business has changed. Yeah, there used to be, just so your audience knows, this is fascinating. In the casting world, if you were a casting director

and you were somebody who walked into an audition for anything, let's just say 10 years ago, you'd walk into the casting office, and it would be like an A-bomb victim's office from Nagasaki. I mean, there'd be like piles, thousands of headshots and resumes, boxes everywhere, envelopes. And the whole thing was, is that, you know, you'd have the red envelopes from CAA.

You'd have the blue ones from William Morris, and they'd open certain ones first in the trajectory of the biggest agency to, like, Ed's agency. agency. And now the thing is about anybody out there, and I really truly believe this, I say this on my podcast, everyone opens a FedEx, everyone. So if you're an actor out there and you want to be noticed, get some FedEx envelopes in L.A. Submit yourself if you want to do a picture and whatever note you want to do, and bring it like you're a FedEx person to the person's office. and they will open it.

Have a link in there. Or if you email a casting director with a nice, funny note or whatever, they're always going to open it. Do you know anybody in the history of the world who does not open an email? There isn't anybody. Everyone does.

But it is hard now because a lot of jobs are applying online. And when I was applying for jobs, I felt like if I didn't apply when it was first posted, then I wasn't going to get seen, especially if it's just submitting a phone. form. If it's by email, I would never do it too late in the week at night and I'd do it like right after lunch or right early in the morning. Because if you're getting 200 emails for a job and someone sends it to you at 1030, it's going to get hidden. It's going to get hidden unless there's something right up front that grabs their attention.

Now, excuse me, you said something earlier that shocked me. You said off air. You said, off air. You said, I applied to these jobs. Why don't you tell the audience where you, the three places you applied the jobs? No, just tell them the three places. Domino's, Pizza Hut, and Best Buy. Okay, stop right there. Now, I don't mean to go toe to toe with you or anything like this,

but if your audience is out there and you're applying for a job, those should be, you should never apply to a job like that. I had a full-time job working in television, and I had a college degree and I just needed it was before Joey and I met and I needed money So what you're saying is

those are your three top choices To make money Not top choices but I got No I worked seven to seven I asked you the three places you applied And that's what you said That's okay So my thought process was

I could eat because I was I was trying to be an editor So like maybe I'll try to do porn But I can't put that on my resume So why even do it So I work seven to seven oh no 10 to seven every day so I wouldn't get home

to like 8, 8.30 so I can't have like another regular job I was thinking of like late night stuff I could do easy. Yeah. All right so this is the thing I hope you don't mind me saying this because no. This is a story that I is

I learned a lot from what happened to me in New York this one time, this one week I realized something so I used to to go to this place called the Cosmic Diner. I think it was at 53rd and 8th now. It used to be at 57th or 58th in Broadway. One of those diners where you go and the servers are just so nice, the woman's so wonderful and beautiful and sweet. And you can order all the stuff and it comes to like $10 or

$15, 20 years ago or whatever it was. And if you had a little extra money on you at the time, and even if you were broke, it was $10, you might give the girl five. $5. Thank you. Wonderful. And I remember I did this deal for Dave Chappelle, and a big deal, and I said, you know, I'm going to treat myself. And I went to the four seasons to have lunch. And the bill came to $50. And my server was also this wonderful woman, was so incredible and nice, so great. And I felt like generous a little bit. I'm not too much probably because I am Jewish. but I gave her like $15 tip.

Not a lot, but a little extra something. Yeah. And then as I was walking back to my office, I realized something. Two wonderful, wonderful, charismatic people who did a great job. One chose to apply to a job at the Cosmic Diner, the lowest of the low kind of New York City diner, lovable to go in these places late at night. Don't get me wrong.

I love going these places. But the lowest budgeted place. Basically the motel five of restaurants. And another person who does the same exact thing, has the same exact skill, says, you know what? I'm going to apply to the top, the like peninsula of restaurants. And I'm going to work there. And at the end of the week, one person makes three.

three times more money than the other one. Right. And what you did is you made the choice to work at the Motel 5 of jobs because of your qualification at night, knowing that there were other jobs that could pay you more money, you had the skill set, but other people went and got those jobs and applied to those, and you didn't because maybe you didn't think you were worthy of those jobs.

Maybe, but I'm glad I didn't because I would never have been working with him. If I had two jobs, I wouldn't have had time to work with him. Sometimes fate. Like I've had times when I've done something. Like, you come out of here, you expect things to happen also one day. You know, things aren't happening quick enough. You go to this stupid audition that your manager send you on for this show on NBC. You're going there with a bad attitude.

But something. You do a good read. But in your mind, you don't think it's a good read. You go home and you go, you know what? Fuck this. I'm going to apply for this job. You walk down there. You get humiliated.

You apply for the job. on the way home, your phone rings and you booked a row. It was, you had to take a fate society something wanted to see you eat shit for 10 minutes before it rewarded you. If you wouldn't have gone down there, do you know what I'm saying? It's kind of, it's... That's true. Look, what's great about you, Joe, is that I believe this to be true.

When you do an audition, you are always ready. and always prepared. You have to be. But you're, you know, you have the illusion. You know, you have this like laissez-faire illusion like, hey, I'm fucking, I'm just going to go in there. I'm going to look at this for about a half hour walk in and see what happened. But you are not, you're the exact opposite of that guy. And the work ethic that it takes, like I was, like my kids are, started getting into magic.

They're nine and ten. And this morning, I, I wake up at like 7 o'clock, which is late for me. I normally wake up at like 5.36, but I was up late. And I wake up to this. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

I get out of bed. I'm wiping my eyes. I look down over to the living room. My son is there. He's half naked. And he's playing with the cards and doing him a certain way. And I'm like, hey, buddy, what are you doing? I'm so frustrated.

I've been working on this trick for an hour and a half. I said, well, that's, that's fantastic. No, Daddy, it's not fantastic. I just, I've been, you know, I get it and then I get it again, and then three more times I don't get it. And I said, but that's how you get better. You have to keep working on it over and over and over again to be the best you can be.

And the fact that you realize that, and you've been here for 90 minutes from 5.30 in the morning until 7 working on this trick. and that's the way you have to be with an audition. And I want to share one thing with you because this reminds me of you and you can discount it up. And for everybody out there in your audience,

one of my first lessons when it came time to figuring out how to be the kind of person that you need to be to get somewhere in this business. I think you'll like this. I was a teenager in Long Meadow, Massachusetts, and I'm listening on the radio and it says Elvis Presley

is going to come to the Springfield Civic Center. And tomorrow morning, at 8 o'clock, tickets go on sale. And back then, as Joey and you know, there's no internet. There's no ticket-tron. There's no sent. You have to go to the box office. You know the ticket master.

You have to go to the box office wherever you want to get it. So I get excited. I look at the bus schedule. I plan it out. I get prepared to take like a four or four-thirty bus down to the Springfield Civic Center, so I'd get there around a little before five. Thought to myself, I am going to get these tickets. I get there at like quarter of five in the morning, and guess what I find?

There's a line a mile long around the Springfield Civic Center. So I think I'm, you know, the king, because I'm getting up early, and I'm three hours early and I'm outsmarting everybody to get these tickets but I didn't outsmart anybody and I just, I waited in line for 18 hours

to get one ticket because I thought to myself three hours early that's enough time to be the best I can be and get the advantage here but the fact is is that just like acting

if you work on your scene for three hours, there's somebody working four hours. There's another guy working five hours. There's another guy working 24 hours on the scene. And there's always going to be somebody working harder than you are, and you have to work as smart and hard as you can. Now, luckily, I got my ticket to Elvis Presley,

but that's because there were about 10,000 seats. But when you're an actor, and if your audience is listening or any job or whatever it is, there's only one job. There's only one part. The only time that you have a shot of getting something and being like third best or seventh best or eighth best is when they're doing a new cast of a sketch show. That way, you know, when they're clearing out SNL and they're hiring eight new people, you could be the eighth best person auditioning and get it. But for the most part, on every role you go out for, it's either you're getting it or you're not. And that's why you have to be as prepared as possible.

And what's fascinating about podcast is, you know, you work hard at them. You're going, you know, Monday and Wednesday and however you do them, you put a lot of time in. You really work hard at it. And that's why it's doing so well. If you just did it inconsistently, how many people do you know they start a podcast and they're going forward every week? And then all of a sudden it just disappears. And you're like, what happened to this guy? He's number one for a week.

It drives me crazy. It drives me crazy. because that's 60% of the people in Los Angeles that you don't know about. That'll call you and say, I'm writing a screenplay. I spoke to CIA and ABC. We're ready to go. And after three weeks, they disappear off the face of the earth. Then you bump into them at the farmer's market a year later.

And they're selling fucking real estate. And then the ride home, you're sitting there going a year ago, this guy was going to write the next break in bed. But now he's selling it. in fucking real estate. What a... The funny thing is, you'll point it out to me now. You'd be like, I met this guy, but I think he's going to disappear in like two weeks.

When they disappear? Yeah. And that you know when they're going to be around, you just know. But you have to... Hard work discourages so many people that come to this town. So many people come to this town, they think that if they go to the standard and have a drink, all their problems are going to be solved. Six weeks of acting classes, the standard, a few drinks, they have a word for it.

I networked. It's true. I network. It's true. I'm going to share something with you and you and the Jewish star. This is something that it just came upon me about a month or so ago. I want you to think about this with your audience. This is crazy.

I'm going to actually do it with you. Okay. Do what you want, though. Now, you've got to be honest with me. Go ahead. Okay. Tell me how many hours a week you fuck off.

In other words, you just don't, like, in other words, you're doing things that are just, they're not for your family, they're not for your daughter, they're not for your, you know, a hour and a half a day. They're not for your career. It's just things that you just fuck around.

An hour and a half a day. All right, you ready? Hour and a half a day, okay? An hour and a half a day times seven days is how many hours? Ten and a half? Let's just round it off to ten, Okay?

Yeah. You got your calculator on your phone? Yeah. Good. Oh, I know. Get ready. So you got 520 hours of fucking off. Okay.

Now, divide that by a 40-hour work week. How many weeks are you got? So what was the number again? 520 divided by 40. 520 divided by 40. 13? 13 weeks of fucking off a year. A year?

Now imagine what you could be doing as an artist or accomplishing as anything in this business or any business. If you dedicated that extra time to your career, what would happen? You'd be like much more productive. You'd make much more money and you'd get where you want to go faster. But that hour and a half is also of entertainment for me to refuel to be able to entertain. I can't sit there for six hours and write. straight. Nobody can't either you know, fucking what's his name

when I'm blowing all that stuff. But I mean, I can't sit there. I could sit there for an hour and a half, get up, do something for a half hour, make a few calls to yourself, leave, check. But I think a lot of people have more than an hour and a half a day. Oh no, and I understand. A lot of people like today, somebody said to me, hey,

did you see the call on the Dallas game? I can't help you. You know, 20 years ago, I gave up football on the Sunday. I'm a comic. You follow me? I've already sacrificed. I cut as much fat as I can off. I know when I tell you an hour and a half, it's, you know, the first 20 minutes in the morning,

you read the news. How much does the news change your fucking life? It doesn't. Does it matter if the stock market crashed or what the fuck? Some guy accused the house senator that he's going to kill him, some bartender. How does that change your bill at Rouse? How does that change your mortgage?

It doesn't. Who gives the fuck today? you said something to me, we can't through the podcast because the AFC championship game, how does that really affect your life? How does it at the end of the week? It's entertainment for you.

I just think people won't watch. Because you work a 40-hour week. It's stressful, but how fucking stressful really is that you need football? Go to Cuba, see if they watch football on Saturdays and Sundays, and they live their fucking life. So there's a ton of shit

we get cut out of our lives. Yeah. Tons in so many aspects, you know, movies, TVs, whatever. I don't watch, I don't know what the fuck half the shows are. When I first became a comic, I forgot about what television was. When I first met Joe Rogan, and they kept telling me he was on news radio,

I thought he was on, like, CNN. I didn't know what news radio was. I had no fucking idea. Does your audience know that story about Joe Rogan? Yeah, people know now. I didn't know what news radio. No, do you know the story of how he got? Does your audience know the story of how he got news radio?

No. This is an amazing story. So there's a comic who's very, very well respected and done HBO specials who auditioned and got his first television role ever in the history of his career for news radio. And he booked the job, very exciting. He goes to the table read. And for those of you don't know in your audience, the table read is where you go that first time where you're sitting around the table. table with your script and there's name tags for you and all the cast members and the director and there's studio executives and television executives and writers all sitting there waiting to laugh

as you read it from your script and you finish the sitcom script and at the end people applaud and then you find out what you're doing for the rest of the week that you're rehearsing and you're taping this particular person was at the table read first job they ever booked very excited and then after it was all over again there he as manager got the call we're gonna replace him he's not right he's we're gonna make a change and they auditioned some more people and Joe Rogan tested and book the role and was on the show for five years and you talk about fate do you know who that person was Ray Romano that is correct Ray Romano and Ray Romano should send news

radio, fruit basket. Yeah. Because Ray Romano was the highest paid television sitcom star in one year of anybody in history. So think about it. He felt shitty for getting fired.

Like that, you never fucking know. I did a movie with a guy that's, I've heard stories about him. And I forget what his name was. He was the original Crockett. They gave him money. They signed them up. He was the original, the guy that

was going to play Crockett on Miami Vice. And somewhere along the line, they saw Don Johnson, and that was it. And that guy's still in town. Still doing movies. There's a couple of movies. King of Queens, the original father in King of Queens, a historically phenomenal actor, a comedian, Jack Carter. Did the pilot.

They replaced him with Jerry Stiller. The rest is history. it's very very common when you go on to these sitcoms that you can be replaced if you're not ready and you don't you know it's one thing as an actor or an actor this is what's amazing about also our field and joey knows this as well this is what's crazy about the acting profession and we're coming into pilot season now if you're an actor or an actress you only have to fool them four times for five minutes, and you could be on television for seven years. And I'll tell you how this is possible.

You go in, you do your first audition for the casting director only. She or he reads the paper like they're functionally special needs. I mean, they can't, if you ever go into audition, if you can find the casting director that reads like an actor, God bless you. They be an actor. Tell me who they are. It's very rare. They try really hard.

They work really hard, but they're just going through so many things. are just reading it. But you do it, you do your five minutes, they put you on tape, and then the producers look at it and they say, hmm, let's bring that person back to the producer session. They come back with the executive producers in the room for their second five minutes. They do their second five minutes, and after that's over, that's on tape, and they huddle, and they say, you know what, that was really good.

Let's test that person. so then they send them a contract that they negotiate for seven years because you never want to get an actor to go in and test who doesn't have a deal because if they get it they could just say we want more money we want this so you do the test deal you go and your first test is with the studio like the financier like a Sony or a 20th century fox or something like that you go to the test at the studio you do your five minutes you leave

and you find out if you're moving to the test to the network. That's your third five minutes. You get it, you go to the test for the network. The network president is there, the network executives, the studio is there, the executive producers. You test for five minutes. You go out, you go home, you get the call, I got the job, I am the blonde girl on two broke girls.

And you are on television if you're Beth Bears for seven years and probably 150 episodes when you haven't booked the job, maybe book two jobs in 95 or 100 auditions. And that's the way it works. And there's no other profession that works that way. And we should be very grateful because as actors, think about this.

If you're a brain surgeon, okay, you can't fuck up one time. If you fuck up one time, you're done. It's over. Your career is over. You can't work in this country. One time in your career. If you're an actor, you can fuck up 99 out of 100 times.

Nobody gives a shit. If you do well that one time, let's take Joe Rogan. You're on television for six years and you have a monstrous career because you get on, you prove yourself Aziz Ansari. You just look at all the names that have gotten their shot that have booked. something. It's amazing what can happen. And that's what's great about our profession. Yes, the odds are one in 200, one in 300, one in 100. But who cares? If I had a chance to play the lottery and I had a one in 500 shot of winning, I play every fucking day. So if you're an actor or an actress out there or anybody in that profession, you're in a great spot as long as you can go

in and do extraordinary work because if you keep preparing harder than everybody else and you keep studying harder than everybody else, eventually you're going to get your shot and you're going to have a career and you're going to get on television or you're going to get in feature films. You know, you continually

grow. I mean, they sell a lot of bullshit in this town. There's a lot of people making a lot of money in this town selling bullshit talent, acting classes, remedies, the whole thing. But if you continue to grow, you know that.

You can be here for a lifetime. Nothing happens. And all of a sudden you're working at 50 fucking eight, Junior Soprano. You know, and all of a sudden it's endless. But you've got to be here. How many people did I come here with that went to Montreal

that got huge deals? And I don't know where the fuck they are. I haven't seen them in years. You'd have to, if you're in, I don't know how many people listen to this, who are in this business, but applies to every business, honestly.

but let's just focus on the acting. You would have to work nonstop to fuck up as an actor or an actress. Or in any profession, if you dedicate the time and you work hard to be the best representation of yourself and you work harder and smarter than everybody else, it's impossible for you not to get a gig. It just can't have... I tell people like, you know, there's certain actresses you meet along the way, and they walk in your office, and they're just incredible.

They have charisma. They have poise. They walk in. They're worldly. They're smart. And they can go into any room and get anything they want. But in the acting profession, you can't do that. You have to do the work.

And that's the problem with a lot of, if I may be so bold here, and I'm generalizing, a lot of very good-looking actors and actresses, there's a sense of entitlement because in their personal lives, they can get anything they're wanting. A beautiful woman can walk into a bar and she'll never pay for a drink. She can walk up to any guy and say, let's go.

She can get anybody to do anything for her. And so when it comes to the acting profession, it's easy to think, hey, if I study for an hour or two here, I can just walk in and I'm going to be, like I am in my personal life. But it doesn't happen that way because they don't care about that. All they care about is the work. A lot of people think, okay, what am I going to say when I walk in the room?

Do I say hi, how you doing? Do I make a little joke here? Do I do whatever? In the end, nobody gives a fuck about anything but when you start reading the words to when you finish reading the words. Because even if you make the greatest joke in the world up front or you don't say anything, In the end, what they're looking at is how you read the content that you were reading and how you performed it and what you added to it that nobody else added.

And that's why you booked the roles you book, because it's not because you're average. It's not because you're doing whatever else is doing. It's not because you clearly were the top choice, and nobody else could knock you off the mountain. And that's what everybody needs to realize. and anything they do. It's like, you know, if you're a person who's fairly good looking or has charisma and you're applying to regular jobs, of course, if I send some, if I send an actress

who's really wonderful and beautiful and sexy and smart on 10 interviews with regular jobs, what do you think she's going to go over 10? It'll never happen. She'll probably get offered nine out of 10 jobs because those jobs. because those jobs just require somebody who can walk in a room and give people the confidence and safety that, hey, I want to be associated with this person. But in our town, when it comes to the entertainment business,

you can't just be that. You have to deliver the content. You have to deliver the lines that are written for you. There's a lot of good-looking people in this fucking town. We're not any three of them. There's a lot of looking, no. There's a lot of great people in this fucking town. town and the people that you see like when i watch some of the leonado de caprio he's

fucking good at what he does he's not just a pretty face he's really really good at what he does or at least what i perceive look at gilbert grape one of his first movies ever edward norton primal fear look at these people's performances you know richard gear did not want edward norton he didn't want edward norton because edward norton was just a yale graduate had his resume was empty. But he came in and his performance in the auditions were so extraordinary. He had nothing to lose. So extraordinary that the producers were fighting with Richard Geer. We have to have this guy. Richard Gehr just wanted somebody that he felt safe with that he knew had booked a lot of jobs and had done a lot of acting. But Edward Norton was so

far, imagine how great you have to be to knock off like a hundred hours. actors who've done like 10 movies. It's, you know, that's what you have to look at when you look at that. Anytime you see somebody new in a movie, you have to say to yourself, how did this person get the gig? Well, they got the gig because they were 10 times better than everybody else in the auditions. And that's how they got it. I know sometimes you go to a television show or a film and you look at an actor and you say,

God, that person doesn't seem like they're that great in this. How did they get it? Well, they got it because some people are great at certain things but not at other. Some people are great at getting the gig, just like in a job, like a domino's. You're great at interview and get the gig, and then you crash the car seven times. You know, people are good at different things. I love booking the gig. I hate doing it.

Just to prove to myself, I love lighting the gig. You said something very interesting. When I first got here, I didn't have representation. So I had this guy that I would go to his office and I would see him fight on the phone for me. So I knew if he got me in there, I had to go in there and fuck them up. So at night, I would cancel comedy gigs and stay in.

I would lose $75 that I needed to get this role. So when I would go into a room, it's so funny, I would walk into an audition, sign my name, I'd look around the room, and I'd see all these actors I had seen in movies, and I'd sit in for about two minutes Barry Katz I'd be in the toilet I said I might as well get in the car

I'm gonna lose this and then I think about what I'd done stand-up like with the places I had been like I've been to Buffalo to that Bullen alley I've been to Iowa to that fucking pool hall these motherfuckers in the room never did that I'm gonna go in there and get the roll

and that's what I would think about the work I had done I thought about those nights I stayed up and rode a Greyhound bus and that's what made me go in there and just go fucking ape shit and I also listened to what they were doing even if I'm the first one I'll sign my name number five and I'll listen to all five of those guys go in there

and do the same exact audition verbatim yell the same I'll take one thing and turn it around and that one thing will get me a callback and by the time I go to the callback that'll give me three or four days to figure out a whole new motherfucking jam to go in there and freak them out again, plus I'll save a little bit

for the third callback. So they'd think I'm fucking Johnny Bananas, but I'm really not. I put it together. So I would look at an audition straight and make notes, then I would smoke a joint and relax for an hour

and look at it again and put the coloring into it. And that's how I would do. And then I'd look at it again for the callback. But it was always a process for me. And even though I knew I didn't have a chance,

in my mind, I just wanted them to put my head shut up at the wall to maybe fuck with the casting process for a few days. Like if the guy's agent called back and said, we want them to have a double wide. Then we go, you know what, let's just go with Joey Diaz. We're not going to have this problem. And I'm sure I got a lot of roles because of that

because I did so well. When I got Smiley Face, what's the girl's name? Ferris. I'm not sure. She told me at the movie, at their table read. She goes, I was in the read one time. You did so well. I knew you weren't good for that.

But I felt so bad you came down. I had to give you something. So she gave me two days as a security guard, you know. That's what was always my intention, to not to book it, but to fuck up the auditioning process in a way. And you just said something really interesting about that, you know, she gave you the security guard thing. That's another thing when you're in this profession.

If you do really well, but for some reason, you're just not the right type or it's not going to happen that way. That's beyond your control. Even if you're the greatest, sometimes they're just looking for something and they're just set on it no matter what. But if you do really great work, they're going to call you and give you that security guard role.

They're going to call you and give you a guest star because they know that you deserved it and just fate would have it that they just couldn't put it together there. And it's the same when you go in the job for the, you know, the accounting firm and you go in, you have a great interview, but for some reason they're looking for a guy who has, you know, mortgage experience and you don't have that. Well, you'll get the call for the next thing they're doing because they loved you and you were prepared and you were really working hard to make an impact on them. Who cashed two brok girls? Julie.

Julie Ashton. Julie Ashton has given me more jobs in this town than anybody. one of my first podcast and it's one of the most popular podcasts I have. She is the best about I went in to see two years ago. I went in for two broke girls for a mobster or something. I just said your audience up. Julie Ashton cast Reno 911 Mad TV, uh, the internship movie two broke girls. She's done a ton of stuff. She started the Steven Spielberg's company and her claim, her story is fascinating in that she, you talk about taking jobs late at night for certain situations. She took a job.

She wanted to make as much money as possible. So she took a job as a hostess at, what do you call the Chippendales. And so she would work till 4 o'clock in the morning, get her tips, sleep for two hours, and get to Spielberg's office by 8. And that was her lineage and her first job in history. So talk about the two broke girls, I'm sorry. Well, a year and a half ago, maybe. I went in for two broke girls. I thought I killed in the audition on the way home. Sure

enough, the phone rings. You booked it. But they said I booked something else. And I drove home and I go, what the fuck are they talking about? I went in for two broke girls. I didn't book the show with John, whatever. And sure enough, she goes, we'll save you for two broke girls. I got this opened up. She goes, as you were walking out of casting, one of the producers is coming in. So she was casting two shows at once. But I've known Julie. Julie has put me basically and four pilots. To somebody, when you come into this town as a comedian or an actor,

the book a pilot is huge. To get a call to come in and shoot a pilot just like that, that's a Julie Ashton gave me. Like twice, she's like, come on down. I need a cop, I forgot to cast. What? What are you talking about? Yeah, come on down. Just come on down. Go to the table, read it's three days.

This is what it pays, a rehearsal. So it's rough now. What's happened lately is when a lot of more of the movies were shooting here, people would always call me and offer me three days, two days. Now the movie in New Orleans, everything is local hire, so we've lost that. A lot of people have lost that little market that we had. I was one of those guys. I learned how to act with those bullshit roles, you know, which...

I always encourage actors that I work with you. If there's a local hire, just say, hey, I don't care. You're going down to New Orleans. You're paying for your own ticket. paying for your own hotel and you're not making any money but you're going to be on screen and i encourage everybody that was grudge match for me it was a local hire they gave me a hotel because i put a houston address and i thought it'd be a great idea and sometimes i have always hustled i've always believed in the hustle and i get that from just growing up in new york city uh you know for

the longest yard they didn't want to see me they said they wanted to see celebrities only i thought about who they were going to see the choice of you know what they were going to see the choices they had. And I said, they're really good celebrities, but they're not comics. Adam Sandler's about comedy. He's not about celebrities. So I put an audition on tape. I bought a little football helmet. I bought a tight shirt, and I sent it in. And here we fucking are. And that's, I still believe that. I've just gotten lazy. I've just gotten lazy. Everything's more secured now. You just can't go on a lot and drop off a tape, blah, blah, blah, you know, so. But it's, you have to learn that. Like, and I think it applies to every business, because,

Because when I came out here, I had a job, and it took me about 18 months to get another job. Like, I applied, like, I had, like, 10, 12, 13 interviews and didn't get a second job. And, like, you adapt and you learn, and you do, you learn different ways to, like, interview. So it's the same. You look like a Chinese Jew tonight. That's how high you are. Well, what do you expect? You want to get a night job delivering Chinese food.

I love that. With a little ponytail come out of your head, like Fu Manchu. Look at you. Like a Chinese Jew to that. What is wrong with you? What has gotten into you? You, you're calling them. telling me we're going to do 500 milligrams before 8 a.m.

Think about that what you just said. You went on 13 interviews and you went 0 for 13. When I first got out here, yeah. Do you know what it takes to go 0 for 13? I don't know if it was 13, but... You booked as many jobs as a dead guy. Yeah. How is that possible?

I had a job and... No, no, forget that job. How do you go 0 for 13? How is that possible? Because in this town, there's so many people. You were talking about it earlier. How there's only one job. They don't hire 10 assistant editors.

They don't have a new class. So it's kind of like auditioning. And at the beginning, you're not as experienced. They can't just leave you because it's going to be at night, so they can't leave you alone. You need to know what you're doing. You can't get the job without experience. but you can't get experience without the job.

So it was tough. So I spent 18 months but building furniture, doing bullshit jobs as a PA. And I finally got a second job. Are you really on some kind of medication or not? Nancy Grace doesn't think it's medication. What are you partaking in tonight?

He gives me a lot of edibles. I gave him an apple. Because I just noticed something really odd, like it just kicked in. Oh, no, it's been kicked in. No, no. When I walked up the stairs, you were perfectly normal, and now you're like a shell of yourself. Oh, my God, I gave him the star of death.

What did he give you? I gave my star David direct from Israel. What is it? It's a gummy band with T-8C in it. And how often do you take that? Every time I see him. It's not my choice. I'm running up to my head.

It's not your choice. Yes, you do. You come up to me because I can't wait. You call me four times. today dog by this time in the second quarter first week second quarter late march you're gonna be doing 500 milligrams before breakfast now does joey take these gummy bears oh fuck you're he's taking him like at like four a m how come he's still the same guy and you're like you're like an amoeba because he's been doing it for 30 years i'm trying to build up his tolerance because he always

complains that he goes home you had that game one in the morning six o'clock he was still sleeping He was fast out. He's like, I still ain't go to the gym dog. I think I realized why you went 0 for 13. I didn't do this. No, but he didn't do that, that. You know, Byron, I used to be professional. I interviewed Byron Allen.

He had this fascinating. He said, I said, do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you smoke weed? Do you take drugs? Do you do? What did you do in your career? He said, I didn't do anything.

I said, you're a comic. How did you not do anything? He said, I never wanted to start something that the majority of the people who already had were trying to quit. Not that many people want to quit weed, though. Look at me, crack. Look at me, crack of funnies. And what I'm looking towards you, all I can see is the Jewish star behind you.

I love it. That's fantastic. That's why I give them the Jewish stars of death. They're called Stars of Anarchy. That's incredible. 25 milligrams plus, plus, just in case, you know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying. You're a fucking soldierly.

Look at you. So that's the... So, Joey, you're just immune to this stuff now? No, he's not. I've been eating this New York City. No, are you immune to it? No, I get fucked up. I just creeps up on me and when I get it.

Well, it hasn't creeped up on you. Yeah, I'm pretty fucking right. I think I'm over here giggling at the whole thing. Oh, for fucking 13 over here. I think that it... It's like anything else. I think that whether you're looking for a job or not, if you're just walking into businesses and handing a resume,

you're dying today. In today's world. In today's world, it wasn't like my mentality that I would knock on your door. I just went into a place the other day. And there was a kid selling himself. And he was telling the owner, whoever the fuck I was, a dry cleaner, I think it was. He was saying, well, how about I come in for three days and work for free? Can't do that no more.

It's all corporate shit. That's what we didn't when we were coming up. Hey, Barry, what's up? I need help. Listen, you have to pay me for one week. Let me go in there. I'll be the best assistant you have. That's what people did.

Can't do that enough. It's corporate. I have every week, like, I have so many interns trying to just come in and just dedicate hours and hours of time to just being around my office. It's unbelievable. You know, the amounts that these kids are willing to work and fight to get in the business and learn about the business. It's absolutely incredible. That's how I got my first job. and then the thing that got me, 0 for 13, 0 for 12,

I had applied to a job, and I was going to get it, but then she gave it to like her next choice. So we went to lunch, and she just gave my resume out. I got a call from Hell's Kitchen. I was making $800 a week before taxes, and the guy called me as I was going into that awful job, and he said, hey, I can only offer you $12.50 a week. Is that going to be okay?

and my head almost exploded. And I didn't apply to that job. I would never apply to Hell's Kitchen, but just someone I met handed my resume off. So it actually is better to walk in now than just doing online job searches because people do apply to that many jobs. I can't imagine being Barry Katz as a producer

and putting a breakdown out in today's economy in Los Angeles for a role for a guest star and who you would get. I would be in shock. you'd get a thousand submissions you do get a lot of submissions for things and that's the way it is but it's still

and what happens is people again electronically submit now and a lot of people submit auditions electronically and you'd be surprised like people like I know this is going to really blow you away like Clint Eastwood for instance

Clint Eastwood does not go into a room and audition anybody he feels like like it's unfair to the actor. He feels like they, you know, why it creates stress and anxiety for an actor? Let them put themselves on tape a hundred times and take the best take and send it to me.

I'll look at them all and I'll decide who I'm going to book. And that's how he books people. So it's like it happens a lot. So now people are putting them, believe it or not, I don't know if your audience knows this or not, but something in the last few years that's been happening is there's actually tests for network shows where they don't bring the actors in to test.

They just look at the tapes that they did. And you can actually get a role that way. That's why I encourage anybody in this profession to get up early in the morning and just start putting yourself on tape for anything. It doesn't matter. Pretend there's a role. Get the sides from some or the script from something

and just pretend you're auditioning for it over and over and over again and work on it and you'll get to the next level. We're just laughing because he was just on a podcast yesterday. And I know you do send in some tapes, but you were, I don't say, no. I had, I had, when I first came to Los Angeles, for me, and meant the world. I was at the comedy store. I was at the improv. I was at the laugh factory.

And there's this reverse thing. It's the, I want you to work for me, but I also want you to fucking jump through who. Well, wait a second. You contacted me. What's the fucking big deal? One thing I always hated Barry Cass was, oh, Barry Katz is producing a show with standups. He needs tape.

Fuck Barry Katz. He lives in Beverly Hills. Come down to the store. Smell me. Feel the other comics. I didn't think for me, and I proved it, I didn't think for me that I would go well with tapes.

For me to send you a tape of my act, it just wouldn't go well. I knew if you shook my hand and we bullshit it, there you go, fucking Joey's crazy. And I did that with you. And you did that with me. And I had a thing with you one time, and if I'm remembering this correctly,

I was doing a National Ampoon series of DVDs, four of them, I think. And one, I was doing like a blue show, like a show with comics who were a little bit dirtier. And I remember, I believe, calling you and asking you for a videotape, and you essentially told me to go fuck myself and come down and watch you.

And in my mind, I probably wanted to say, fuck him. But instinctually, I just said, you know, I got to go see this guy. And I went to see you and it was over. I always knew as a comic, I always knew Comedy Central wouldn't like me, but if I had a stand how I have with this podcast

and I told you about my life and the struggle and helping up, I knew you would like, it's like when you watch 24-7, and you watch a boxer, and Austin, you see him with his kids, and you see him swimming, and go on a ballet class, and his daughter's painting his nails, and you're like, Jesus fucking Christ, I knew that if there was ever an opportunity to look beyond the stand-up, that I could, I would have a better chance with you. So people come up to me and go, hey, man, I was just in Dane. Anybody would come up to me and go, hey, man, I was just in San Antonio,

whatever. The owner mentioned your name. He wants you to send them tape. Well, wait a second. If you mentioned my fucking name, why does he want tape? It's for a feature act. It's not even the headline. Just tell the guy I'll call him and give me the fucking week of work. So I always felt, Barry, that it was always like a power move. Like, I always just felt it was just a stupid power move. I'm not asking you that for 45 minutes and for $2,000. You're going to give me $600 bucks and you barely want to give me a hotel and feed me what's the tape just give me the fucking wheat joey i'm sorry um let me just uh share this with you something you said earlier in this hey joey did you see that catch a des brian you know was it what do you think of the call

i can't help you buddy i can't help you i don't have enough time to watch the fucking football game i can't help you maybe there's people out there that don't feel like they have time to go down and see comedians or take people's words for it and they just want to just go with what they see in front of them. But there's more of the story. I refused to send the tape. The power of no. I said, no, I'm not sending the tape.

And finally, somebody called me and said, he really wants to hire you, but he's not going to hire you without a tape. And I just had this instinct from going to comedy club owners' offices and seeing the tapes and seeing the stack of dust on them and the envelope. was unopened. Like, I'm going to see something. I went and I bought a tape and I took it out of its rapper

and I put Joey Dears on it. I didn't put my act on it. I sent it to him. Do you know what happened? He booked you? He booked me. Fantastic. And he told me that it was one of the best sets

he had ever seen. Oh, my God. And I said, do you see what? So right then I knew the whole tape shit. What a great story. It was bullshit. And it fucking freaked me out.

I used to watch tapes with the sound off. and that's how I would decide if I wanted to work with somebody or not. Why? What did that do? Because you can tell when somebody's got it. You can tell when somebody's a star with the sound doll. Okay. Very interesting.

See, Lee, you're learning this shit? About six months ago, Lee called me and he was in a quarry. He wanted to be an intern for you. For Barry Katz. He keeps telling me I'm going to be a comedy manager someday, and I just,

it's like... Well, you're not going to be a comedy manager. Can I just tell you something, honestly, in my heart? you're not going to be a comedy manager getting fucking high every day. No, he doesn't get high. Or every podcast or whatever. I get high on the podcast.

Let me just say something. Because if you're, if you look, this is, you're going to hate me for saying this, but I don't care. You're different because, because, look, I work with Chappelle for eight years. The guy woke up at the crack of two, smoked a bag of weed a day. and if you can find me that many people who are geniuses like him on half a hand, let me know.

The guy, the red light went on magical. He would write material based on, in my opinion, how the drugs were affecting him or how the, he just had this thing that works sort of like how, if you'll oblige me, like Snoop Dogg. You know, some people, I think the drug really helps. for them. Now, after a while, I think it hurts them, and it takes its toll later on if they can't, pardon the expression, weed themselves out of it. But, you know, Chappelle, I felt that the lifestyle he had made him even more of a genius. But for you, a guy went 0 for 13 at flying the dominoes or whatever the fuck it is. The fact is, if you are going to be a great manager,

This is a show. This is a professional show. This podcast is one of the top 50 podcasts in the world in comedy, okay? And you are a representation of the brand. If you take a drug before you go on the air, then your representation of the brand is the fact that you are somebody who is lost control of... I'm just saying... So if you're a man...

So if you're a manager out there, what's to stop you when you're doing an important thing with managing to take that drug before you do an important deal? The issue is, is I'm working with Joey Diaz and the thing of his brand. And before big deals, we shot a documentary. We only had one day to shoot. First thing it gives me is banana bread. If I'm not high, people yell at me on Twitter. So, I mean... Once it becomes a comedy manager.

it's completely different. The reason why I love you to death. Are you trying to tell me, wait a second, Joey. Are you trying to tell me that if you said to Joey, look, I just have to tell you this, I've gone to get some help, and I am going to go clean starting tomorrow that Joey would fire you. He wouldn't fire me, but he wouldn't. No, would he fire you? He might.

Would he fire you? Yes or no. It's a possibility. Joey, would you fire him? No. But I'd poison him three days later anyway. He'd give me a sandwich. He'd give me that.

A water bottle. But you don't eat the sandwich. A water bottle. You don't eat the water. You don't drink the water? You don't eat the same water? I'd get him somewhere. I'd fucking whack me.

He'd get it and put it in his fingertips or spray it. I'd melt it and put it in his fingertips or spray it. I've never did this before. The jobs I didn't get where the jobs didn't get were TV jobs. If I didn't do this to him, Barry Katz, he would go home and watch comedy specials listen to podcast every day and he wouldn't even go out and he'd be the palest Jew you've

how much paler can this guy get? I beat him to death again look like... I beat him to death to leave the fucking house. Why do you think I call him at 9 in the morning every day? And I clocked him to see what time he leaves. He tells me he's making breakfast and he's headed to the gym. I go, how

the fuck do you eat and go, I don't understand. Wait, did you just say heading to the gym? Yeah, he lost 80 pounds? He lost 80 pounds. 80 pounds. I'm the treadmill. He's a savage. Look at them.

80 pounds. What did you amputate some legs? What happened? He's a savage. No, I've been working out since June. So you're trying to tell me you were, how much did you weigh when you started? 3.15. Okay, 315.

What made you decide to go that day and make that happen? I was 315. No, but you were 315 for a while. What made you decide to do it? I had lost a bunch of weight before. I did juicing for a month. lost pretty much the same amount of weight, but I put it all back on.

It still makes him laugh because it was terrible. I didn't eat for a month. And then I just, I put it back on. And he had been bugging me to work out. So I just had to work out. Just to walk, Barry Katz, because we do the podcast and he'll go home. And he's a smart fucking guy, this guy.

He comes up with good ideas. He knows the internet. I mean, he's put this podcast. on the map, but I don't want him to sit in that fucking house all day. So I'm torment them to leave the house and go get some son. So finally he got a girlfriend and him and I go together to the gym together. He's a savage.

You're a year and a half yesterday. Yesterday? Yeah. Now she met you when you were 315. No, I was... Oh, he was 180 when he was Mexican. No, no, no, no, I wasn't. The mother started feeding him. I was 250. I went down the tubes.

I was 250. He met a Spanish girl. It was all over, but the shouting battery cats. Why are spas? I don't know anything You haven't had a Mexican mom make you food You should find like a Mexican grandma To make you tacos It would change your life

They're made She made you tamales So that would mean the cheese Like, you know If you, if she fed you and you gain weight Then that means you both gain weight together Yeah, we lost in about 75 pounds She's doing great too

They travel in love It was love at first night Barry Katz, you know what it is? They say women, though, within five minutes of meeting a guy if they're going to be with him. Oh, yeah, she saw Lee, and she saw... I knew in five minutes when I saw Lee, I wanted to be with him. Thank you.

You saw fireworks and shit. He's a fucking savage. But this is the fact... This is what really impresses me about you, Barry Katz. We go to comedy clubs to do a live podcast. Barry Katz, it's like you're going into another fucking country.

the comedy club managers look at you like, what is it? A podcast. So how many guys are performing? It's a podcast. How much time are they doing? It's a podcast. I mean, and I look at each other and go,

this isn't happening. And I hear stories on a daily of people still going, in 2015, still going, what's a podcast? Okay. For the normal Joe who lives in Boston, who works outside and whatever isn't computer savvy,

I don't expect them to know what a fucking podcast is. But for the manager of Three Arts, he better know what the fucking podcast is. An agent at CAA, a publicity fucking moron at some company, they better know what a podcast is because even if they don't listen to them, okay? It's in their realm. It's in their round, Barry Katz.

So just the thought that, okay, you took the realm, but you went out there and did it. I respect that. Because these morons are still living in 2010, still thinking that they're going to get a deal in Montreal and put your client on television. It's a different fucking climate out there. These podcast numbers are what cable TVs are doing.

Cable TV shows are doing. It's fucking incredible. I don't know if you know this or not, but how I sort of got into it in direct. was that, you know, Jay Moore wanted to do a podcast, and he finally decided when he was going to launch and when he was going to do it. And he called me like the day before and said, I want you to do my first podcast. And I said, Jay, I never done a podcast. This is a celebrity thing.

You're interviewing comics and celebrities. I'm not, I don't belong in your first show. He's like, Barry, I want you to do it. I said, Jay, I'm not going to do it. It's not, Barry, be in my house at 7 o'clock. So I do his first podcast. And at the time, I don't even know how this happened because Jay wasn't really great on social media. He didn't have a radio show.

But from what I understand, that first podcast, that first day it launched, it was the number one highest rated podcast that day in comedy. might have been the world, who the hell knows. And the producers told me that it was listened to by, I think, 450,000 people. And here I was the recipient of being in the podcast where he was doing, where there were 450,000 people. And so he calls me after that. He says, I want you to do my third podcast. I said, Jay, you can't repeat me right away.

It's not the way. You've got to have Barry come down. I said, Jay, I just don't get down here. I do the third one. 390,000 people. Listen to that one. I finish it, whatever. I've had a good time.

I'd never done it before. He calls me again. I want you to do my 10th podcast. I'm like, Jay, you can't do three of me and 10. This isn't the way. Barry, don't question me or the way I want to do things. I know what I'm doing. People are listening to these with you and I,

and they're getting stuff about the industry, about what's happening, and they're liking it. So again, like another 300,000. So by his 10th podcast, over a million people had listened to a podcast that I was on, and then the wheels started turning. Like, maybe there's something here

where I can maybe help some people share these stories of these executives and these people and their journeys from humble beginnings to how they got to where they're going and what they do. I mean, Joey, it's amazing. Like you, I just share with you a few little snippets. Andrew Peney, the producer of Wedding Crashers and Earth to Echo, okay? This guy was an intern, went to intern at Tapestry Films. He told me he would get there at like four to six in the morning every day. until everybody left and he would come up with ideas and pitch them ideas all the time of

movies to do he came up with the idea for wedding crashers and within five years he was a partner at the company okay byron allen unbelievable story the guy was his mother had a job at NBC he didn't have any money at all so he used to hang during the summers and he would watch the tonight show he would stay outside and watch Johnny come up with his car and nobody talked to Johnny. But he would wait from the walk by and Johnny would say, how you doing, kid? How you doing kid? After Johnny left, he would go and talk to the guys on the soundstage. Can I go to Lamarck and read his cue cards and read the monologue? And he would stand there and practice Johnny's monologue while they cleaned up. And wouldn't you know, he was the youngest person in history ever to do the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.

And there's these story. Carol Leifer, okay? Carol Leifer auditioned for the Tonight Show 22 times. You talk about O for 13. Yeah, it's worse than 13. 22 times they said no to her. And the time that she auditioned, the 23rd time, where she thought, just like you did at that audition,

ah, well, just thought just do it again and whatever. And I don't think I did well. She got the call and she did the tonight show. I mean, there's all the... Dr. Phil was homeless living in a car with his alcoholic father. Look at his trajectory. The guy did the Oprah show for four years, for $535.50 every Tuesday. Four years.

And now he's been the number one guy on daytime television for 12 years. It's like everybody has a story of where they got the... Mario Casarraf. the guy who produced Terminator and Rambo. And Rambo. Oh, shit. Because it's a great story where he was like, his philosophy was, don't bargain with anybody. Just do the deal.

Even if you pay extra, the time you spend going back and forth negotiating, it's just a waste of time. Rather spend the extra money. So this one time he gets a call from Jeff Berg, who was the president of ICM at the time. He's about to get on a flight. he says, listen, how much time before you're flying an hour and a half? I got this script. If you want it, you can have it for $250,000. He's like, $250,000.

That's a lot of money. Look, I'll give you the first shot. I'll have my assistant bring it to the airport, brought up the airport, read it before he got on the plane, called Jeff Berg and said, I want it. Jeff Berg says, cool, flies to London, gets to London, whatever, 10 hours later, picks up the phone, calls Jeff Berg, says, So how we do and got this deal done? Listen, I don't have to tell you this, Mario,

but I gave the script to a few other people, and the price has gone up a little bit. He's like, what's the price gone up to? 2.75 million. He's like, you motherfucker, two points. You told me it was $250,000. I know, I'm sorry. I just wanted to see what it could get.

Do you still want it? He's like, you mother. what does it take for me to have this script Berg says three million dollars and you can have it he's like gosh I'm hanging up this phone and I have this script for three million you tell me right now you give me your word

I give you my word he hangs up the phone he paid three million dollars for a script that was basic instinct so there's all these stories like this like Sam Goris the president of paradigm this guy you talk about getting the shit kicked out of you. Biggest moment of his life,

1998-99, Jerry McGuire. His client, Cuba Gooding Jr. Wednesday Academy Award. He's going through all the parties. You know how it is with your agent. They're congratulating. Everybody's hugging you.

Sam, you deserve it. Sam, this is great. They're hugging each other. Everybody's high-five until six in the morning, every party. He gets in the office that day around noon He gives himself a little break Gets in first call that comes in the office

Cuba Gooding Jr. Hey listen Sam This isn't really working out Your agency is a little too small for me I'm gonna move on to a bigger agency Thanks buddy Okay gets the shit kicked out of him I say how do you handle that?

He said I went home that night And I spent all night long laying out the plans of what paradigm would be, a literary agency. We'd have the commercial agency. We'd have actors. We'd bring all these people in, and I'd build an agency, so where that would never happen to me again. If it did, I'd never have to worry about it.

So everybody has their moments and unique things that they talk about that are just absolutely incredible that you get to hear. It's Dionne Warwick. I interviewed Dionne Warwick, which is an... out yet. You talk about cracked foundations. If you remember her, and this is before a lot of people's time, but Dionne Warwick is probably, I believe, the second highest-selling female singer in history.

Whitney Houston's end, too. Yes. And so she is a backup singer for the drifters in New York. She's going from Hartford to New York to do the backup singing. And she meets Bert Baccarac and Hal David, this young. writing team. And they say, we want to write for you. We want to do a contract

with you. We love your voice. We want to write songs for you. We think we can do great things. She says, okay, but I just want to let you know that one song that you played me that you guys did. I want to record that one first.

I just want you to know that in our deal that's the one I want to record first. They say, no problem. They do the deal. They say, come a month. later. She's driving to New York. A month later, she turns on the radio. That song is on the radio with a different artist. They fucked her on the contract. And I said to her, how do you start a relationship with a cracked foundation like that where you have to work with these people? You have a contract. How do you know they're not going to fuck you again? She said,

it's very rare, but I sat down with them. I told them how unhappy I was. I told them how things had to be, and if that ever happened again, I would never do business with them again. And from that point on, their relationship was like 20 number one hits. So everybody has a story that's unique of how they came up or they got fired or something happened. Phil Rosenthal, the creator of Everybody Lives Raymond.

in college he's writing and he thinks he has talent and he's writing this thing with two other people and it's becoming successful it's like an off-broadway thing it's doing well it's Tony and Tina's wedding and right when it starts to do well

he gets a call from the other writers saying listen we don't need you anymore and he didn't register anything with the writer's guild didn't do anything and he got completely fucked and he lost millions and millions of dollars. But he worked hard every day and wouldn't you know, he signed the largest deal for a half-hour comedy writer in history. I believe it was $50 million.

So everybody has their story of how they persevere through these stories in their lives that really were bone crushing and how they came back and persevered. And I think that's what everybody, I think examples that they need to see that happen, because everybody has those low moments. I mean, you know the low moments that you've been through and you know where you are right now. And with this podcast, that's why you're such an inspiration is because, you know, I don't have to, I will say this to your audience.

Maybe you don't tell them or not. Before you did this podcast, I would gesture to say that you might have thought about quitting, the business. Everybody knows. No, I'm not quitting. I was going to not go on the road and just do sets in town and just do TV and film work

to keep my insurance alive. That was it. I found the loophole and I was content with it. And so look what happened. You were at your lowest point in your mind. Anybody who's an artist

who thinks about giving up what they love for the most part, that's the lowest of the lowest of the low, but you found a way to get the word out to people. And it's the thing is, it's like, this is what people don't understand. And I know you're laughing for some other reason. But this is the thing that people don't understand. It's like, it doesn't matter if 99 out of 100 people hate you.

If one of those 100 love you, you're a superstar. You're fucking done. There's 7 billion people on the planet. If one out of a million people love you, you're a star. A small commitment always becomes a bigger commitment. All you need is one guy, man. And you build on that. I don't know, Barry.

I don't know. I just wanted to... That was my biggest dread. Like, I was watching, oh, God, you devil. He's in a restaurant with this girl, and he's got a kiss. She's pregnant. He's got a fake to funk that he likes quitting music to have a day job. That was one of my biggest fears, having to wrap my tail and go back to Denver.

That was my biggest fear. I was having to go, I'll be one of those guys. L.A. is for gay people. You got to be gay. I didn't want to do that. I just want to. I knew that if you worked hard, you get a little opening, and that's all I ever wanted. I didn't want to be Seinfeld.

I never wanted to be Seinfeld. I just wanted to prove to myself I could do this. That was it. Nice and easy. No fucking drama, Barry, Cats. No static and all. Jerry will be the first one to tell a comedian, shut up and do the fucking work. That's it.

He wouldn't say fuck though, but he'd just say shut up, stop complaining, do the work. It's all this is. Let me give some shout out to you, Barry. We'll get you out of here. Bobby Sharon, happy birthday, cuck sucker. Chris McDougal, Don Rangler, Mario Aponte,

Mike Vincent, James Harrison, Zachary Alaska, and William McGrath. I love you, Coxuck. How are you feeling, Lee? I'm good. I'm fucked up. You're fucked up?

Yeah. Sure, you're fucked up. That star of David wasn't too bad today, huh? So I'm thinking of doing the bypass sleeve. I went to the psychiatry session today. I went to the support group tonight. A timeout here, you have to go to a psychiatry session to figure out what they're going to do.

That's what they require all this stuff. I did not know that. They require a ton of shit. Does your audience know what this requires and everything? Is this fascinating? It's very fascinating. Would you mind going into it? No.

My blood pressure is really high. My blood pressure was, it's hereditary. It was high when I was in shape and thin and young. And over the years, it's just gotten worse and worse. I dropped 100 pounds and then, but the weight's not coming off fast enough. I've had two surgeries on the knees. And they messed up in EKG and I became friends with this cardiologist.

and he recommended it to me years ago. And I said, no, I go to Weight Watch and they were successful for him. But now, it's like you hit a plateau. I need to move the weight too fast. So he goes, well, maybe I spoke so, spoke to Lisa Lampinelli, and she had the sleeve done. Her husband had it done him. She's divorcing.

But before you go into it, because the audience and a lot of people don't know what the sleeve is. Yeah, we spoke about it Monday's podcast. Oh, they do. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So today was the day. The requirements are you have to go, meet with the doctor, they break the dietitian down, tell you what to expect. It's like a four-hour fucking thing. You go, they give you a checkup,

and then you meet with the doctor, and then they give you this list. You have to go to a support group for one week, mandatory, and then you have to go to a different support group. You have to go see a psychotherapist and do a test, a psychiatrist and do a test, and speak to them about the commitment level of what this takes, because it's not just getting a surgery.

So today, this morning, I got up and I went and took the, like I said, the test, and they go over the scores, and they ask you fucking questions. And she stopped and she goes, hey, you put a thing here that you see things other people's dumb. What do you mean by that? And I go, Cosby, I knew he was a fucking tree jumper. And she just looked at me. Like, what are you talking about? Like, you know, stupid things like that.

That's what they ask. And then tonight I had to go to this thing from 630 to 7. 7.30 at St. Joe's Hospital where they do the surgeries. And it was just about food, you know, the different things of food. I'm going to catch another one next week. It's a big decision. Are there any things that they've said about the food or things that you didn't share on Monday that you can share today? I think this is fascinating.

No, they... What do they tell you not to eat? Well, once you... Here's the world Lee and I were discussing before you arrived. We were discussing that the commitment level is such that if you did the commitment, level without the surgery, you'd still drop to 60 fucking pounds because I got to go on a

liquid fast for a month before the surgery and a month after the surgery. What did you lose? 70 pounds? Okay then. So what's the fucking difference? Right.

So these are the doubts that you get as you get closer. Now, this group tonight had people who were in pre-op, people like me that was still in the beginning phase, people were in pre-op for 30 days, away from their surgery, 10 days

away from their surgery. Then they had a couple guys there that were a couple of years after their surgery and they're still struggling. So if I'm going to give you my fucking stomach and I can't eat Chinese food no more, what's the sense? If I'm still going to be struggling three years

later. You're going to have kosher Chinese. Yeah, you know, I just don't understand that point. I was giving you half my stomach to end this drama. Not because I got to go fucking work my ass off. afterwards. The surgery is like just a deterrent because I think it's supposed to hurt

and you get sick if you eat too much. Right, you get sick if you eat. Yeah, it's not like a magic pill. No, no, it's not at all. It's just another pill. How's Lisa doing? Lisa Lampanoly looks great. You know, everybody in New York, that New York circle got very awoken when Gandlefini just died at 51.

So she did it, the husband did it. The chick from The View, the comedian. Sherry, Shep. Rosie O'Donnell? Rosie O'Donnell did it. Oh, and then the Mike and Molly chick just lost a bunch of weight. Did she do the surgery?

I don't know if she did the surgery. I saw her a year day. She looks kind of big. I don't know what fucking surgery she did. I don't know. I just saw her headline. Oh, she lost weight, maybe, but... That's another room.

I have a two-year-old. I was raised without a father. I get along with this little girl. I just, I don't know. I get scared sometimes. The day that I went to the initial consultation, It was three in the afternoon. I didn't drive on the 405, and I cut nobody off.

When I walked in there, after taking my blood pressure medication, it was still 190 over 114. That's not good. What was it supposed to be? 120 over 80. So there's reasons. There's also mitigating circumstances. That's basically it.

It's not like I'm not trying or working out. I'm trying. This is the thing. If I have a suggestion for you, which you haven't asked me for my suggestion. You're a comedy man. You ain't no fucking doctor, so you know what I'm saying? But it all applies.

Hit me. Now for Lee, now I don't know his history, but the pattern right now is that he was at 315 and now he's at 2.45 or whatever. 2.35. Smoking and shit. Now, and so whatever he's doing,

the pattern he's doing right now in his life is working. Now, he might be committed to this for his life, or he might not be, but... I'm trying to be. It sucks, because everyone, when you lose weight, you gain it back, it sucks, taking it back off. But if you're committed to this pattern,

you're okay. Joey, for you, you've been trying to do it your way, your whole life. It hasn't worked. So why not go with God and let somebody else try to do it a different way? You know, and that's the same with me. It's like artists come into my office and they've been doing things their way their whole life. And I'm asking them to try something a different way, try a different approach.

And it's the same with anybody who's going to be successful. You do things, look, when you audition for a role and you get it, all you have to do the next time you audition is think about what you did to get that role. You don't go into the next audition thinking, let me do this audition. the way I blew that last audition. And it's the same with life with this operation. No, you evolve, absolutely. So you've been doing things trying to lose weight your role.

Well, it's not like you coming to me and saying I have this new Jewish technology that lose weight from Israel. It's losing half your fucking stomach Barrycats. It's not you saying to me, I have a new diet, we're going to eat hummus. I'd rather lose half my stomach than my whole life. No, I agree with you. That's, I just don't know the, I have to just think more and look at this whole food choice thing a little bit. more than give up your stomach. That's a big fucking commitment.

Does surgery make you nervous? In Monaster. It's 2015, Lee. They've done, you know, this medicine has helped us move on from living to 70 to 60. Now it's helping people live to 80. You know.

So I got a few years left, is what you're saying. Yeah, man. You got tons of fucking time. You're in good shape. You take care of yourself. You got no stress. I was just, before I came here,

I was fitting my walker for tennis bowls. You still got, 3 million hidden in singles? What the fuck? He's still got 3 million in the mattress in Miami, getaway money just in case. From your mouth to God's ears. Come on, stop. Oh, you fucking Jews got some money hidden

away in there on mattress. You won't touch it. You could be starving for fucking days. You could be sitting there like Gandhi losing weight by the minute. Don't ever go a night line. And you'll look at that fucking money and go, fuck it. I'd rather starve before I break that 20 lease. I'd tell him,

Cogsucker. Lee's eating bagels from Rouse every day, the package and shit. Every day, but yeah. Cucks a suck. I love you guys. I'm going to be at a helium buffalo next week. Get ready to freeze your ass off. And the week after that, I'm at the Columbus.

Funny bone, you understand me? So hopefully your people will be out there. Super Bowl weekend. Where are you at, Lee? I'm here. Aren't you going to San Diego this weekend for your anniversary? Next weekend. Look at you.

Where are you taking it to? Huh? She went to college in San Diego, so she's taking me around. Is she? Yeah. You have a good time. What hotel you stay in? I forget.

We did one of those deals where you get like a five-star room and you just don't know where it is. I just have to put it in and take your chances. But in like a good area and a good classroom. So we did that. It's like, it's not a name brand hotel. It's not. But it's right downtown. So it should be fun.

See it downtown? You're going to be in a museum, the zoo. Where are you going to go? No, she wants to drink. Drink. You're going to get some tacos and shit? Hell yeah. That's why I love this guy.

He's honest. He's a fucking sat. Look at him. Badge motherfucker, Barry telling you not gonna be you're gonna be the best manager in town. Look at you. I never said he wasn't gonna be.

I never said. I never said you weren't gonna be a manager. Telling people to suck your dick and shit. I don't want you to do this. All I said was what I think you need to do to be the best representation. He's almost there. He's gonna get this shit someday.

Lee's all right. Lee is here. Lee is here as your co-host. You could have anybody as your co-host. You could have anybody as your co-host. host, but he chose you. You know why he chose you? I'm not sure. Because you're the best for him. Please, the fucking man of steel.

It doesn't matter that you went 0 for 13. You went one for one here at the church of what's happening. Listen, man, at his age, I would have missed this podcast 10 times when we're doing it at 6 in the morning. He was here every morning before I was, you know, he's responsible. He's a young man. He's great, man. In this town, people got excited about stuff. I found something. I was cleaning on my drawing. I found some of the bottom of the draw. somebody gave me and this was just remarkable like four years ago

they gave me bank information and the investor information and what they were going to do with this movie and it was the kid from Superbad they had him attached and what they were going to do and this girl today is selling flowers in Seattle she just Facebooked me

and wished me a Merry Christmas like one of those mass Merry Christmas things and I looked at it and I go what ever happened for that bro? Oh my God That's whose script that was. She had an investor in the Hollywood Hills who was given a $7 million. She just disappeared one day.

So for him to stick it out, I applaud him. Most people would have tapped out by now. Let me give a shout out to my sponsors. I don't know what the fuck you're doing with your resolutions. But if you haven't gone to honor to start, you're slipping, bitches. You understand me?

The new tropic of the year, alpha brain. They're not messing around. Money back guarantee. Focus, clearness. You'll be running all cylinders. They also have the MCT oil, the audit 180, the turnaround if you're flying. Go to audit.com, look at any of their products. Press in.

Church. And get 10% off on your first order. Go out and stay on it, and they deliver it right to your house. And that's the key word. Deliver it to your house. Also, a big shout out to my boys over at iron dragon TV. Dot com nanotech running shit at the CES. It's CES, right?

Right. In Las Vegas, Dave Foley over there, shaking hands. Tim Kennedy. Tim Kennedy, letting motherfuckers know what's crackleck in the world of Iron Dragon TV. If you're into classic martial art films, instructional films on working out, go to Iron Dragon right now and take a look at what they got. They got Chinese mafia movies. They got classic, what's that guy's name? Jackie Chan, before he came to the States, smoke a number, eat a couple donuts.

Go to Iron Dragon TV Get two free rentals on me Go to the box and press in Chill it Bang! Oh shit! Two free motherfucking rentals to rock your world You know why? That's how Barry Katz rolls. Also, you're sitting there

You fucking got those cotton underwear Those box of things. You probably got flies in them. You got chlamydia juice leaking those motherfuckers. The average man wears their underwear For seven years, you filthy motherfuckers. Do me a favor. Go to me.

Mondays.com right now. They ain't fucking around. They give you free shipping direct to Canada and the United States and guess what? They ship it to free right to your house. You don't got to leave. You don't got to go to Walmart and look around

and make believe you don't know what fucking size you wear. This shit comes right to your house. Meandis, they fit tight. They have that material. It pulls the sweat right out of your nut sack so it's nice and cool. So your nut sack is nice and breathable.

You understand? I just want that. When I go to Jiu-Jitsu, my nuts sacks doesn't fall out of the side when I'm jiu-jitsu. That's very nice. They stay contoured in there. Nice, sweat-free. Go to Meandes.com and press in. Joey.

Bam! And get, what? What? What's that off? 20. 20, like a motherfucker. And guess what else? They get delivered right to your house.

For free. That's... Who's better than Meandis.com? No, but... A quality underwear, and they get delivered to the house. You don't have to leave your fucking house. Well, we're talking about quality underways. You don't want to be...

flabby and have shit hanging out over the side. So go to naturebox.com right now for nutritious delicious snacks. And guess what else? They're going to give you five fucking bags for free. Sent the house. Not of their choice, of your choice. You're going to try the Sarachi cashews. You're going to try the chocolate nom-noms.

You're going to try the fucking organic trail mixed? Oh, my God. The French cream granola, the French French I don't know, but I personally will tell you that this stuff is the greatest. Oh, my God. I love it. I love NatureBox.

And you know what else you're going to love? It's free, bitch. Free. Don't get no better than that. So I don't need no excuses. You're a fat fuck. You keep going to that machine. You don't need the aggravation.

Go to Naturebox.com and press in. Joey. Oh, shit. I got a motherfucking box sent right to your house, delivered to your door. Delicious. What do you like, those cinnamon and sugar? Clon kernels?

Corn kernels. go to naturebox.com. I'm not fucking with you. Go to nationbox.com. Scroll down, sign up for the free package, and you can pick your own little fucking five bags to live it to your house. I ain't fucking around with you no more.

What's the code word? Joey. Joey, get a free package. I want to thank Iron Dragon TV. I want to thank me on these, and I want to thank NatureBox.com. Don't forget, free, deliver it right to your door. And I want to thank my main man over here.

Barry Katz are coming and dropping. knowledge on you bitch just straight and out legal and legal and 13. 0 and 13. NatureBox needs to talk to that door guy last night who made those pistachios for us. Delicious, yeah, they were fucking tremendous. And don't forget, I was reading a book the other day

flash blood. Blood is a drug. It's by my man, Joseph Hirsch. I started reading and it fucking grabbed me. I'm going to do a review of this book. Not fucking bad. He sent it to me. Nice kid. It's been on me for about a year to read his stuff. And over the holidays, I found some time.

to read a couple of books and I read one of his. We're going to review it. Very interesting. I'm out of Afghanistan, the whole fucking deal. So that's it. What do you got playing for the future, dog? What's going on right now at my man fucking Barry Katz Enterprises? Well, I got some great podcast coming up on Industry Standard. I got Rob Schneider coming up. I just did the best of 2014 and Dionne Warwick, which would be exciting.

But most of all, I'm excited to be here and I'm honored. and it's a privilege, honestly, to be here. To be asked back, you have no idea how far away. I love you, Barry Cass. I didn't forget about you, baby boy. No, I just... I don't see you out no more. To get that call...

Stop. To get that call, it was really, really touched me. You fucking don't come out no more. You're in the manager, witness relocation plane. Well, I guess I have the Joey Diaz philosophy. People ask me to come out. I say, hey, what the fuck? What do I have to come out for?

That's true. You're home. You got everything I can want like Sosa. Did you hear about Cassius Morris? He got, like, Donnell Rawlings on his show. Cassius Moran. He's doing, like, a live podcast at a comedy club up there. Cassius Morris doesn't play games.

You understand me? But anyway, have a good night. I love you guys. We'll see you Sunday night. Stay black. Have a great week. And don't forget, Buffalo next weekend. And the weekend after that, the Columbus Funny Bone.

Thank you very much. Lee, get together. You're slipping, cuck, sucker. Thank you. I don't mean it's cool. Thank you. All right. Now that the show's over.

It's amazing when you were doing the advertising. Now that the show's over, don't forget to go to naturebox.com and sign up to get your free sampler box of great tasting, healthy snacks. Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like barbecue kettle kernels. Go to naturebox.com slash joey. That's naturebox.com. Go to meetundies.com slash joey and get 20% off of the men's and women's underwear. And you get free shipping in the United States and Canada.

That's me,undee.com slash Joey. Go to onit.com. These co-work church to get 10% off of all their optimization products like Applebrain and New Mood. And go to Iron Dragon TV.com. These co-word Joey get two free rentals of all the great martial arts movies. Okay.