The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 25 Years of Saturday's

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

Welcome back to The Check In! This week Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt about the 1000mg spray, why loving stand up is so important, the lifechanging experience of seeing Rambo in a black movie theatre, and the story that changed his career forever. Support the show and try Blue Chew for free – just pay $5 shipping. Head to ⁠https://www.bluechew.com⁠ and use promo code DIAZ Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app & use code JOEY. New customers get $150 in bonus bets when you bet just 5 bucks.  The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

Oh, snap. Oh, shit. There he is. The Cuban king of sandwiches. And the fucking Uber driver of comedy. You must have two thousand miles the last two days, plus the five day. I give it to you.

I forgot how much driving there. No, I'm lying to you. I never forgot how much driving there is in comedy. Oh, see, you know what? And, like, I've thought about, like, we've talked about the treble runs. and I wish I could do them. They just don't exist.

But at least with him, 12 hours a day seems like a lot. But like a good four-hour drive. Like I'm going to Syracuse in like three weeks and they don't pay for a hotel. So I'm just going to go back and forth. It's four hours. Each way?

Yeah. No, no. That's eight hours. Just get a-old. I like a four-hour drive. You don't like a four-hour drive? Not when you leave in the club at 12 when you get home at four.

Your back is going to go to Shidley. Okay. All right. That's a bit, you know, if it was an hour, hour and a half, like San Diego is the farthest. Right. Your hour and a half, hour 37, you know. I was going to say most people think it's two plus, but for you. Hour 37.

If you're leaving the club, it's an hour 37. Okay. You know, that's something different. But for you to get in the car at 1130 on a Friday night and drive four, and then four at the end, and then four, how many nights is it? Just one night. Oh, it's just one night. Right. Oh, no, I wouldn't go back and forth.

I'm not that cheap. Even still, get yourself a little cheap hotel. I'll have to see. I'll find something. You don't put us off. You don't want to drive four hours and go to the club. Your asshole is going to smell like fucking death. So you want to relax for two hours, take a shower,

watch TV, get everything off your mind, and then attack it. Okay. And if you want to drive home, that's something different. But somewhere along the line, you're going to have to get a hotel. Okay. I... Four hours, you're sweaty. I don't know why you're assuming I'll be sweating.

Because I've seen... Oh, I... Dude, I almost have to throw the underwear away after, like, a road trip. Yeah. I'm disgusting. I won't shower. I'll just get in the car with, like, Jim Short... But I do love, like, a pre-show shower.

That is pretty awesome. Pre-show shower. When you get home from the hotel, you know, if you're doing a show with 40 people, it don't matter. But we were doing those theater shows, and I'm talking to 500 people, and you've got to go home and take a shower. Really? You'd go to a late-night shower, too. Okay. Oh, yeah. First thing, take my clothes, not even sit on the bed with that clothes on. Wow. You just had 2,000 people in a theater. You just had, you know, 600 people at a show.

You talked to 300 of them. You did that twice. That's people breathing on your neck. That's head shots. That's people putting their fucking greasy hair on your neck, and you putting it on their neck. You know, that's a lot of contact. Yeah. You always want to go home and take a nice hot shower,

scrub real good, have a little meal waiting for you, and law and order. Ooh. On a Friday night, a couple of law and orders, you eat your meal, you go outside, you smoke a joint. You call Athena. you go back to your room and it's fucking you against the world in a hotel room

and you got nowhere to go in the morning. I live my favorite night. There's no better feeling than that. That's what I'm saying to you. You have to be prepared for that next level. For you to get home after a show and not taking peace in shower and cut your toenails

and fucking put ice on your knees, whatever hurts, you know. I used to do that all the time. You would ice your knees. Yeah. And because I just started, started getting into it's been on your legs for three hours right yeah i'm only doing i guess when i'm doing i was thinking about that i guess when you start headlining like my in my head

because i just started getting into i have i had like three massages so far like an actual like real like you go and get like and like and it's like my favorite thing and i never i was always creeped out by someone else touching me but like that's in my head when i start headlining i'm going to do that one like I'm hoping to do it once a week. Like, is there anything that you would do on the road to, like, take care of yourself other than, like, knees or... You know, for the first, I mean, from 91 to 2004, I never peaked in the hotel gym. Like, I went on the road to destroy myself, you know. Right.

And then once I started getting healthy, going on a wait watch, as I saw it, when I look at a hotel, when they send you the it, itinerary, you know, they better have a fucking gym. I don't need a pool. I don't need that shit. I just need a gym. You know, I don't need a bench press. I need to standmaster, a bike, and a couple weights, and you can make it work for a half hour, 45 minutes. And then I started actually doing something. Okay. I would go to towns and go to kickboxing class.

Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. I forgot you packed a little bit. Once in a while, but that's not good for Jiu-Jitsu because you're seeing these animals and they're fucking killing you. On a Saturday, I don't have the time to go to Jiu-Tosu class, break my wrist, and call the theater and tell them I'm not coming or the comedy. Right. You know, so you have to consider all those things. But I would get up early on a Saturday and go do a kickboxing class at some movie time place and people would freak out. Oh, I can't even imagine what they'd think. What the fuck are you doing here?

And I'm like, you want to get this out on workout day, a little bit, you know. I got into that. I got into finding, like, a nice local spot in town, not like a Morton steakhouse or a fogo to chop. Okay. Switching it up a little bit. And that became fun, searching a restaurant out and taking an Uber. That's fun. You know.

I love it. But then there's days in a hotel where I do go back on Friday night. you stay up till three. Yeah. You wake up at eight. You go get a good breakfast, smoke a joint, go for a walk, and by 9.30, you're back in bed. You know, there's always a good movie on,

a Rambo, a Rocky, a Kleeneasra movie, and you just fall asleep. And then you wake up like about 1.130. Right. In those days, you don't go to kickboxing. No, fuck kickboxing. Go outside. You get coffee. You smoke a joint.

You take a shower. and then you ask somebody, what's a nice restaurant that isn't a chain? Like somebody local that's put the time in. You know, you want to go support them. Oh, yeah. Like that's, and I get it.

Like Danny Braff and I were talking about this. We wrote from one gig to another. And we were talking about, like, how it's crazy when you meet who, headliners, who are unhappy being headliners and being on the road. And like, we're just talking like, that to me,

days you just described sound like heaven to me like going to get food relaxing in a hotel smoking like that sounds like if i could win a lottery like that just sounds awesome listen man when you're doing it you're in love you i was telling you in the car the other day the comedy full time for me is the thing of the best and i'm going to tell you what because you got to be in love with it you got to be married to You have to be, you know, I mean, listen, comedy marriages don't end well. Oh, yeah. No, think about it. A lot of comics have been married multiple times, myself included, but I wasn't doing comedy when I first got married.

I was just a fucking personal mess. But, you know, you meet a comedian at a club. You sleep with him. It takes you for a date. You know, you start being his girlfriend. the whole year and a half, you're in ether. You know, you're telling your friends, oh, my God. He's so funny.

And the girls are like, how do you keep it together being around them? And then you get married to a comic. And that's a big fucking mistake. And I'm going to tell you why. We don't know what we're doing. We're in a fucking, we're selling out clubs and, you know, agents are calling you to do movies. and you're really not focused on everything

and you just marry this girl. And she marries you. And then, God forbid, you have a kid with her. And now it's not what it used to be. You're not selling the tickets you used to. You're older. So now you've got to work a little harder. And think about a woman with a kid, two kids,

and you're married to them. It's not like you're dating them. You're married to them. And you call them. And they're like, you know, they're like, what's going on with you? You're like, I'm on the golf course. I'm playing golf with Rich Voss and this guy and that guy. And then that night, you call him again and go, guess who came to my show tonight, Prince.

Fucking girl is sitting at home with a child. Right. She can only take so much of that, you know, especially if we do it three weeks at a time and a clip, you know. It wears on you, man. So they get divorced. Now, it wasn't her fault. It wasn't his fault. He didn't know that he was in love with comedy,

and he was married to comedy first. He had no idea. And she, you know, and then they get mad at each other, whatever. When you're a comic and you're in it to win it, you're married. You're fucking married. It's a whole different romance, you know?

It's a whole fucking different romance. and now you want to open up your life to more romance, let somebody else find out, and for you to find out that this is a mistake. I can't do this shit, be husband. I'm married to comedy. What the fuck am I going to do at a softball game with kids? When I was in it to win it,

I couldn't sit at a softball game with kids. I don't care of all nine of my kids were playing on the team. You know, I got to make people laugh. It's Friday night. Right. It's Saturday night, you know. Now I sit there and I go, oh, thank God I'm not on the stage, getting an ear beating from a sound guy.

So how long are you doing every 10 minutes? How long are you doing? Listen, get the fuck out. You know, people have no idea. And for me, it just got repetitive. Like, got really repetitive. I loved it all the time. But it got to the point I didn't want to, the first thing that started going was Saturdays.

What? You couldn't enjoy them? Well, you go to the gym, you meet the other comic, you eat lunch, you go for a walk, you get back to your room at 2 o'clock. And for me, listen, when I didn't have a family, who gives a fuck? I go back to the room at 2 and light my balls on fire, 8, 7. But then you call home. Right.

And that's the day all the kids are out. They're having a great time. and you're in the hotel room with the shades drawn because it's too beautiful. You already did what you had to do. Now you got five hours to wait. And that for me became hell. After the lunch was over,

after the workout was done, after the great breakfast, you know, two eggs, fucking four pieces of bacon, a piece of seven grain toast, maybe a smoothie or something. That's it. So the Saturday started getting,

But that's 25 years of Saturdays. Right. Do you know what I'm saying? 25 years of Saturdays. That was a time I couldn't imagine not working a Saturday or a Sunday. I like doing comedy on a Sunday. If I have to drive down the corner, I don't want to be on a road on a Sunday. That's too much commitment on a Sunday.

Big differences. Right. It's funny that you're like comparing it to a relationship because like when you said that, all I could think of is like, you know when you first. start dating someone and you're just even when they text you're excited or when you see them like it's with comedy like I'm six years in but I'm still like if anyone text me about comedy or like a show or that's how excited I get oh yeah this is it anybody who can text you the first six years about comedy you get so fucking excited you know it he gives you little rumors you're gonna get robbed

oh yeah yeah you don't care Because you're doing what you were supposed to be doing. You're doing what you wanted to do. It's such a great feeling, you know? It really is. And it's like, you all think about it all day. Like some guy asked me, like, some guy just asked me from my avails. And I'm emailing people every day.

No one responds to me. And some guy just asked me out of the blue. And it's like, oh, shit, this is the best day of my life. Because you're putting the work. You know, every day you're sending an email. If nobody gets back to you, after 12 emails, somebody will get back to you. Maybe not the guys you're emailing, but just somebody.

Why? Because you're putting it out into the world. It's when you don't do that. You're like, nobody fucking calls me for comedy. Well, you don't put no feelings out either. Right. Yeah. That's a complete different part of comedy.

That's a complete booking yourself and all that. and the strategy and how you work people, that's a complete different thing. It's funny you said that. I was talking to Aaron Bergdiena. Okay. At the dojo. And it was so weird this thing I started.

You sit there in a hotel all day. So you might as well make some calls, send some faxes, make a flyer, you know, for the following week. I mean, I don't know how to make a flyer, but I'm just saying. Someone else could. Like Myspace.

or something like that, you know? Yeah. And, but I still remember it. Like, I've been sending fact like now, if you've got a fax, people think you're fucking a dinosaur. But I was sending faxes on Mondays and Tuesdays for maybe 94. Okay.

To aggressively. Once I got to Seattle, I had it down. I would bother everybody on Monday and Tuesday. there. Everybody got to call. And the call started at 901. There's no reason to wait until 9. You got to get them early,

wake them up out of bed, let them know you're not fucking around. Yeah. And I would start Monday at 9 and then I'd have a fax go out to 20 other numbers. If somebody was, I was working with somebody, he was a feature. He goes, yeah, this guy in my hometown in Iowa, you got a fax

on Mondays. Even though I didn't want to go to Iowa. I would fax him. Would you really? Yeah. I would faxed. Why not you offered you a gig? Then I'll call you later and then

fucking move on with your life. I'm going to drive to Oklahoma or Iowa. I don't know. I'm in Seattle, Washington. But that's because you're just putting out numbers. Right. It's fucking numbers.

It goes back to it. All is a numbers game. You know? I'm almost embarrassed to ask you this, but the day that I got, the headlining gig like a week or two ago I wish I wasn't but I'm a believer

or like when you see 1111 I'm an idiot I make a wish and I have one that I do and I ask for things for certain people and I was talking about headlining and like literally five minutes later I got the call I know this is not a feeler like this is but like

I don't know it was just so it was creepy it really is when you start thinking about something and this is based on work guys you know and you notice that there's so many moving parts when you're a comic if you neglect one you're gonna be fucked there's writing there's promoting yourself there's getting shows there's you know looking at your material and seeing what's 30 minutes what's 15 what's 45 there's so many moving fucking parts you learn you know i never knew what we were

until I saw Roseanne and Larry King live. What did that happen? How to be, let's say, 15 years ago. Okay. That conversation I saw her have when Larry King changed my outlook on comedy. Larry King asked her about she threw, after she became number one on ABC in the 90s. Right. At the Christmas party, she threw all the ABC execs out of the party.

She won't let him in. Good. And he asked, why did you do that? And he goes, this is my reasoning. You forget who you are as a comic. But when you're a comic, you do it all. That's why it never shocks me when a good comic is a great director. It never shocks me when a great comic is a great director.

a great actor. You know, Robin Williams, a lot of comedians are great. Because we do so many things. We produce, we write, we direct, we perform with the MC. We're everything. We're everything.

You know, you said to me, the last time we did the dojo, you go, that's really weird that you host on those nights. You know, and I don't know where I got it from, but I do know how to make a show, a show. Yeah. I do know how to look at a show and go,

how can we make this the best show part? Listen, even if I don't make a lot of money, I like a show that's fucking jam-packed. I'd rather give away the money and produce a fucking great show than get a bunch of open micers and me keep the money. Right. Yeah. Because like the shows that the dojo have been a blast

And it's it was scary when I found out you were hosting I was like fuck I have to follow Joey But you do it in a way that like isn't burying us No I'm not looking to bury nobody I'm looking as a host on those shows I'm the one that puts pepper and salt on the show I'll leave you comment okay I'm the one that marinate

because you're not going up there to follow me you're going up there for me to give you energy and love it's completely different it's not like i'm doing a show with a bunch of strangers just my family you guys you know so i don't mind that i don't mind losing money on those nights to give them the best show in the world we got plant tables to come in and sponsor yeah it was awesome dispensary you know out of raw way great dispensary you know the joint was great yeah everything they have is great one of the things they have is great one of the Tina, think of that weed. Oh, loved it.

Yeah. The weed you had this week, like I told you, I don't know if I had a bong hit that lasted for like four hours. That weed that we smoked this week was tremendous. And we went back yesterday and they were sold out of everything. Yeah. And it was... It was Ama Kush by Garden Greens.

And it was Verano cherry lime, cush or something. That's the first thing we smoked. when you came in and you were like, what the fuck? Your fucking whole emotional changes. And then Saturday, I busted out,

Friday, I busted out the Obama run. So Thursday or Friday. And that even took us fucking deeper into it. It's really weird how I plugged into weed here now. I know that I got a couple companies now. I know what they got. And I'm good.

I don't have to worry about California more. Getting it sent. It's fucking a great relief. Oh, yeah. And I'm like Denver and Colorado and California have great weed. But like, do you think it's at the point now where like you could find great weed almost everywhere? Well, these companies that I buy from originally California companies. Okay. When the licenses and the legalization came, they came to Jersey and they growed and they kept to there who they were.

Somebody gave me a sample of weeds for me to work with them. This shit was pure tumbleweed. I had to send them a picture of the Terry Lyme and go, this is weed. You send it to the company? Huh? You sent it to the original company? Like a different week?

Oh, yeah. I'm like, guys, because what's happened is businessmen have taken over the T-HC business. Right. It's become more profit-based for these fucking knuckleheads, and they know nothing about wheat. Like, I would never invest in something that I knew nothing about it. And it was made more evident to me when I went to Carvel in Beverly Hills, whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, yeah.

And the people, it was an investment. And it hurt my feelings. If I was going to, I want a Carvel store. I grew up in a Carvel store. If I was going to buy a dairy queen, I grew up in a dairy queen. If I'm going to buy a crispy pizza chain, it's because I eat crispy pizzas, not because I eat fucking dominoes and want to sell crispy peep. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely.

investments now, they have money, so they invest, and they don't give a fuck about the finished product. They don't. And that's why the Denver weed market has gone to the fucking toilet. Oh, really? Corporations came in, too many business people, and they tried to make wheat corporate. No, you don't. You buy the company, and you leave the fucking hippies in.

They're the ones that have been doing this for 30 years. You've been selling construction things and fucking pipes, and you're sold. your company now you got 50 million and I respect you but this isn't what you do you just want to jump on the weed band bandwagon now to make a profit and it's oh you got to you know if I put on any product it's got to be like knocking my socks off I don't even want to tell you how much they offered me for an edible oh Jesus and I got to tell you I don't want to put a gummy at really no

I'm in flavor I'm not gonna come out I'm gonna come out with a spray an eye patch a fucking you know I want to come out with something different something that's 2024 everybody's got a gummy

and they all taste like rotten ass that's true they all taste like rotten ass finally you admit it I've been saying that for a decade you tell me it tastes delicious listen some of them are delicious like we ate some Saturday night

that you could taste the weed and they were sour and all that shit. But there's some edibles that are mild. And you eat it, they do the trick. Right. You know, they do the trick, but I just wanted

I wanted to do something different. I'm really interested in this thousand milligram TAT spray. That you spray in your fucking throat and you see the devil 22 minutes later. I don't think it would take 22 minutes. What if you could get like something implanted like a little,

implant that has THC and you can just press a button and it goes into your bloodstream? That would be tremendous. Yeah, that would be awesome. And you press it three times and it just blows up in your fucking head. You can't talk for four days. Let's get this fucking show started, Jack. Hey, it's Tuesday the 25th of June. The checking is brought to you by Blue 2.

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Let's get this show started, fellas. Turn out your TVs, run for your lives. It's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I can rule the world. who you got to be thinking. Welcome back to show! It's a beautiful Tuesday morning.

What up, Mook? What's up, buddy? It was great to see you this week. Great to see you. We smoke some good weed. We ate that. We drank that. That's what to kill my stomach. I've been sick for four days. You've been saying that?

I didn't do anything today. Last night was the worst for all the nights. I had to get up at 4.30 in the morning. Oh, to take a shit? Everything. And then I puked at about 5.30 outside. I didn't even drink coffee today. That sucks.

What the fuck? I missed jiu-jitsu today. I slept like three hours. I slept from like 10 to like 12. And then I went back up about three and slept to like five. Yeah, that means you're not feeling well. We got to bounce back. You know what I'm saying?

We're going to be fine. If tomorrow I feel the same way, I'll make a doctor's appointment. Right. Fong. Tights been like a third, you know. Anything with your stomach sucks, dude. That's awful. It does.

It does suck. And it just, it just bummed me out a little bit. You know what I'm saying? But it's Tuesday, no reason to be bummed out. Hell no. Take care of this shit.

I had a great time seeing you. Fucking, you know what I was thinking about the other night when we came home on the mushroom liquid? Yeah. We smoked that weed and Superfly was on. Oh. Jesus Christ. The original from

1972 with Curtis Mayfield and I forget the actor's name O'Neill, Ryan O'Neill maybe. How fucking crazy was that? I've been dying to watch that for three years. Three or four years

I'm like, when am I going to watch Superfly? And it was on the other night because it was like Black History Night on Turner Classic Movies. Right. it was Superfly Shaft and then late night was fucking blackula Yeah because whatever it's called Superfly ended at 2 in the morning

Yeah Jesus I had never I'd never seen anything like Superfly I still To be honest don't really know what I saw Those are the black exploitation movies in 1970 And they were buck wild Because they had to hit their audiences You know, there's a scene in that at the end when we were watching

because I wanted to watch the ending is great. Right. And he meets with the narcotic cop and the guy's threatening them and Superfly's talking to him and he's like, I don't want to do it and stuff. And then he goes off on him. But before he goes off on him, I've never seen that before. He takes a bag of coke out and he does two huge blast right in front of the cop. And then he does the other one.

And then he just starts going off. I'll pimp your daughter. I'll kill your fucking cat. You know, he just starts saying all this shit. And then he fights him. And his fuck, he's got like the James Brown hair. And somebody pulls it and shit. And it looks like, you know.

Is he the one that has like the triangle beard too? It comes to like a point on the sides. He had a beard too. He was a very good looking dude at that time. But the sex scene we saw with the chick's ass was tremendous. I don't know what that was. The mushrooms had taken me for a fucking spin. Yeah, they were just having sex,

and they showed pretty much everything. But it was just so, like, I'd never seen a style like that. Like, they just had seen... It was almost like the first time you gave me an edible, I saw Friday, and, like, I was so high, I could see them acting. I could see the director say action,

and I felt like it was like that was super fly. Because I felt like they, like, left, like, a shot, a little bit too long or like they started it. It was way back. You couldn't hear them sometimes. I was like, what the fuck is happening? 52 years ago that movie came out. So much has happened

in movies and films, the options you have. But those are the movies I grew up on. Yeah. I hold them close to my heart. And listen, when you watch them now, you're like, what fuck am I watching? Like,

what was I thinking at 8 years old? watching this in the movie theater. Oh, dude, at eight years old, that's like, you don't even know that that's a real human beings. You know. Doing Coke? Are you serious?

The singer girl's ass? If I saw a girl's ass at eight, I probably would have exploded. Well, that movie came out when I was eight or nine. And I didn't, you know, at the time I was going to Catholic school. And we got out on the weekend. like prisoners and we went back on Sunday nights.

So on Sunday nights, you heard all the activity of your kids. Now, a lot of these kids were well off, but a lot of them were from the Bronx and Brooklyn, and they were urban, they were black and Puerto Rican, and they would tell us about their weekend. And their weekends were a lot better. You know, when you're at that age, your parents just give you two bucks and tell you to go to the movies.

That's pretty awesome. And you go to the movies, and if they have a ready next movie, you watch it. If they have a Spanish movie, you watch it. Whatever the fuck you watch, you watch. And I still remember at that time, kids were coming back every Sunday with stories about movies. And we all were going to movies. But, like, I was going to see the mechanic in 73 and Hard Times in 72 and the Velocci papers. And that's what we were talking about.

We weren't talking about fucking Disney. movies that ain't I take that much. But I still remember kids going to see Superfly and going, he was fucking badass. And like the first thing you do when you get out on Friday is go to the movies. Oh, yeah. Why or any other movie? But could you imagine now, like imagine if you went to the movies with Mercy

or not even with her, like just by yourself and there was an eight-year-old in an all-rated movie, you, like, you'd probably go get somebody. No, I would. No? No. No Why be a crime stopper

Listen man All those ages I was watching all those I watched the longest yard The original tent I watch all those movies And they helped my imagination You know I was an only child

They took me out And it makes the kid feel a little special That all fucking buddies Still go to see fucking the Avengers And he's going to see a heavy dude the R-rated movie. When I took mercy the first time to an R-rated movie,

she didn't care what the movie was about. You're just excited to be there? I take it to R's all the time. With you, with your dad, it's fucking cool. What was the first already movie you showed her? I think like the equalizer or something. We went, we went a bunch of movies on Thursday nights.

After, you know, about two years ago, a bunch of movies that come out and we were going one Thursday a month we get out of there like 10 o'clock at night her mom would be like what the fuck did you have man this is nobody wants to go to movies at 2 o'clock I'd rather go at 9 o'clock

oh yeah and movies like I remember like my dad I feel like that's a dad thing and like take the and it was the best I loved going to the movies he'd fall asleep and I would watch I remember the first already movie I saw was Geronimo and I just remember there was a big bull

that the guy wrote around I don't remember anything else about it, but I knew it was an R-rated movie. Like, so, like, to do that, that I think is cool. I think I'm just imagining a group of eight-year-old little boys with, like, little mini popcorns ready to see Superfly by themselves. We used to go to the movies in groups all the time, eight of us, seven of us, six of us to see a Bruce Lee movie or, you know, any other type of stupidity we used to.

would you go crazy in the aisle? I just have this image of you doing like karate moves during crazy. There was a few. I still remember seeing Rocky and the longest yard where the two movies that stick out the most where the audience was crazy. And then at like the age of 13,

I walked into a black movie theater. Oh, nice. And that's a complete, if you go to Lowe's on 42nd or 51st and Broadway. I don't even know if there's a lows there. I'm just making this up. I realized that if I went from

88th Street to a movie in Midtown, it was okay. The movie was great. But if I went from my godmother's house down the corner to see those movies that were in black areas, and those movies were always a lot better. There was

people talking, you're giggling, you're laughing your ass off because you always get the one funny black dude. Oh, yeah. Says, what the fuck, you know, whatever. And you're, hey, you're fucking giggling. Oh, that's, because there's a difference. If it's just one person doing it, they're being rude and annoying,

but if the whole theater's having a good time, it'll make a movie. Like, a full movie theater of Superfly would be way different, I bet. Like, all the kids going crazy. You've never seen a ass before. He's doing Coke on screen. Like, if everyone's going

nuts, that's a crazy movie. Like, I think the, I saw two black movies later on that I remember specifically. I saw two movies in a black movie theater that I actually remember them going off. Oh, yeah?

The one movie theater was in Harlem. I forget where, and I went to see The Last Dragon with Bruce Leroy and all that shit. Nice. Black people were going off. Every time the guy came on, the karate master, the crazy one. I think he just passed away a couple of years ago, that crazy dude. But if I tell you the

number one movie where I saw a black people go fucking insane that I left there going, if Rocky ever got a slave, he'd have 200 volunteers from that fucking movie theater. Because they fuck love black people love Rocky dog. They fucking love Rocky. So I I'll remember the Rocky 2, the one that came out in 85. This motherfucker is hunting Russians. That was all about the Russian, the Vietnamese, and the Russian, you know, I'm coming to get you and all that shit. Okay. But there's a scene in that.

What were we talking about? About the number one movie you saw with black people. They love Rocky. He's hunting Russians. Okay. He's just killing him. one of the time. And all of a sudden they show you like this fucking horrible set.

Like it's just horrible. They just, and they show you a Russian, the best-looking white man you ever saw in your life. Blue eyes, blonde hair. He gave Brad Pitt a run for his money. He's got one of those little Russian hats on. Okay.

And he's just looking around. And he's walking back into the wall. And in the wall was Rambo, hidden covered in mud. And you actually see his eyes open up in the mud and Rambo comes out with a knife and stabs the guy. When he came out of the mud, no exaggeration.

Every black person in that movie theater was three feet off his seat. Just immediately. And when they landed, they jumped right up and said, that's our motherfucker. That's our motherfucker. Rambo's my motherfucker. They just all yell. That motherfucker is bad to the bone.

That's the baddest white. man, they never fucking lived. I mean, they were just going crazy. And every time he shot somebody after that, they went fucking insane. They were high-fiving, saying racial slurs, fucking tremendous.

How long into the movie was this? Was it like later into the movie? Well, they started acting up, you know. It started being loud in the beginning. And I, again, I was not angry at all. Right. Of course not. You pay extra for it. I enjoyed the narration.

I enjoyed the rations. I enjoyed the flurs. I enjoyed everything. When he jumped out of the mud, I actually had to look around. Walk. They love Rambo. That's it. You know, I've always said that black people like the weirdest things. I still remember the Crip that came up to me at the comedy.

He said, he was like, hey, man, came up with six fucking guys with ponytails and fucking. And he's like, hey, man, can you do me a favor? I want to be an extra on the longest yard. And I'm like, what? Why? He goes, man, I love Adam Sandler. That's my motherfucker.

You're a gangbanger, and you like Adam Sandler. You know, it's so few. The people they pick up black people. They just, and you got to love them for it, but they tag on. There's certain white people that I can do whatever they want to black people. Because they love them so much.

And it's his, I had a black dude that was black of the night and bold. All he talked about was the Beatles. The Beatles. Wow. The Beatles. How do you like the Beatles?

You're black. Man, Paul McCartney's shit. I would die. I would fucking go, wow. This tough black dude is a beetle fucking fan. Woo! You always used to tell. You'd come back and you'd be like, hey, man,

only three people like three people asked for you and all like you said it's always the black dude asked about me on the road I want them to no one come and says hi to me on the road I want it I would love to that I love that I think that's so cool there was a black mom that came to my show with her son and she pulled me up and she's like man I don't know what you're doing to my son but he's changing

the other day I told him something about You got 15 minutes to get to school. And he told me that I had one foot in the grave. Oh, my God. And what did she say to that? What do you go? I'm just, I lost it. That's amazing.

I'm just laughing my ass off because it's like, you know, you never know. You just never fucking know. You just have a good time. And you go out there. I was on the balcony before. I wasn't feeling too good. I was just thinking. Okay.

I was thinking about just being 21 and where my thoughts were. And then I was thinking about being like the last thoughts I had before I became a comedian. Well, I was a civilian, you know. And I was thinking about my life. How when I got divorced, I was, you know, six months into comedy. but once I had gotten on stage, it changed everything for me. And, you know, I think about what really,

I don't know, cemented my life as a man. And it was comedy. It was doing that whole comedic journey. That comedic journey taught me a lot about myself, taught me a lot about what I wouldn't do. I made a lot of friends. I made a lot of enemies. But that comedic journey for me really got to me.

It changed who I was. I didn't know that's what I needed to get the criminal mentality out. And I still remember there was a time when, like, before the store, like when I got to the store and I got in that fight the first couple nights, I had to go home and have a talk to myself and go, you know what? Mitchie liked it. You know, the guy was wrong. you were right, but

I got to change that. If I'm going to make it as a comedian, I have to really change all those things about me. And I still remember being broke on a Friday and pulling up to the comedy store at like 11 and seen that the liquor guy dropped off

four cases of Jack Daniels and a case of whiskey. That's 40 bucks a case. That's my Friday. And not once that I think of stealing it. Not once. Because I knew if I stole that, then I would just be the same person I always was. And I didn't want to do that.

And yeah, I did stupid things. I stole the phones from the fucking, you know, lost the town and shit like that. And that was basically the heat. It wasn't to do drugs or, but it's just weird how the whole comedy, like those 15 years really made me a man. Well, like, no one makes a change like that right away. So like the not stealing the booze, I'm not saying it's good that you stole the phones,

but like did it start? Like, was that like the start of you making the changes? Like you didn't steal the booze, okay? And then eventually you stop stealing. Old habits die hard. Yeah. Always remember old habits die hard, especially when you're broke. It's very easy to fall into a pattern when you're broke because you've given the,

once you get let's say you become a carpenter's helper and you're excited someday you're going to make $18 or now you're going to be able to build the house but sometimes it's like you don't see an end to it you're just going to see you're just going to carry fucking wood the rest of your life you know right yeah and it breaks you kind of a little bit a lot you really fucking think about your future and what you want to do when i got into comedy and i was saying it today on the patreon podcast that fuck it was just the change i made and how i made it was so fucking crazy league like it was just so crazy and yeah for seven years for ten years in la i did blow okay i was in o'ay for 23 years and for 10 of those years i did blow which i was basically lying to

myself in one way or another but drugs are a part of the fucking comedy mystique when i got into comedy it wasn't to fucking be a preacher it was to be lenny fucking bruce to shoot heroin and fucking fuck dirty strippers and get vd and the goal was not to have a job right i just didn't want a job there's no way i was only going to work for somebody with a promise of running the place in 10 years and 10 years a fucking long time when you're working for something that's not yours. At least with comedy, it's yours.

And it's your mistake and it's your accomplishment. You know, so it's just fucking weird how I think about things now with comedy. Like what made me Lee, I was not going to go that way. When I was Seattle, is that way?

When I was anywhere, When I was anywhere, there was nowhere, no way I was going to LA. Not only did I end up in LA, but I walked into the world famous comedy store. And that was a complete different education, you know? Absolutely. And I'm really happy for that. I'm really happy that Mitzi passed me. I'm happy about my time struggling at the store,

and I'm happy about the last seven years at the store. You know, like they were great compared to when I was there before. But it was a real fucking journey, man. And I loved every step of it, Lee. And I could see how you found in love with it and how everybody else fought in love with it. Oh, it's, your buddy, George and I were talking about on, I think, Saturday. The first time he came to L.A. And you took him to the store to see, like, your name on the wall.

because George Perez just got his name put on the wall in the last couple of years. Like what is, that to me seems like, like that's always going to be there. What did that feel like? Again, I didn't have a life of accomplishments. You know what I said? You know, I graduated high school

at 5 Beta Kappa, college at North Carolina. That meant just as much as a college degree in comedy. That's like a doctor. That's more than just a career. No, it's a college degree in comedy. At the time when I put it up there, when they put it up there, I was a college student. But it's what I became since they put my name on there. You know, they put my name on the fucking van.

Really? Yeah. Before I left, it was on the fucking van. And I was like, what is, and it, it's an accomplishment, but it's not what you were going for. You know what I'm saying? Like, you never knew about it, so you weren't going for it. I didn't know about my name on the wall before I walked into the comedy store. And you got it pretty quick, not like too quickly, but you got it fairly quickly, I think, right?

Within a month. Yeah. And that's, that's awesome. I'm not, there's nothing wrong with that at all. No. But just the idea, and frankly, like, obviously the store is one of the best clubs in the world. But if any club, like, if I got to a point of comedy where, like, I, I don't know. I don't know, that a comedy club I got to be part of a, like a club almost.

Like, because not many people are on the wall. Like, that, to me, is like a dream. Like, that would be crazy. That's like a day I'd never forget. I want to know, there's a lot of people on that wall that didn't do much after that. Got it. Okay. You know, they didn't do much after that.

Was it because they, like, gave up? Not gave up, but, like, thought they had accomplished everything. I was passed with three people that I was tight with. Okay. I don't know where the girl is. 23 years later. Well, yeah, 20, whatever. I got there 97.

27 years later, I lost contact with the girl, maybe five years into comedy. I never heard her name again either in New York. I forget what her name was now. But whenever I would come to Jersey or New York, I would ask about it. And the guy, Larry, we were good friends. Me and him got jobs together at the phone room, at the comedy store. You know, and I don't think he does comedy no more. He's more of an artist.

He draws, does paintings and shit like that. I don't know if he sells him, but... He doesn't. That's not a problem. You know, so, you know, so. Yeah, it's all these, there's so many variables, Lee, and they're so fucking very interesting. And listen, like the last couple weeks I've gotten into Madonna, right?

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Oh, yeah? Oh, my God. It was like every time I go on, they give me an envelope, the fucking, the slot machine. Wheel of Fortune. Okay.

I go on every day to pick up $100. Damn. See, I got lucky with Blackjack this trip. I love that live black. Jack in New Jersey. And that last, I had that same money in there for about six fucking weeks.

Oh, that feels great. Playing with the same $250. I got it up to like 14, up to 18, and then it went down to nine, and then I hit like a $400 fucking bonus. It was crazy, but then all good things must come when you're hot, you're hot,

when you're cold, you're fucking cold. So now I give it a break for two weeks, then I go back on it. And it was just a, the 200 bucks that you were playing with. Yeah. But we're talking about Madonna. A couple weeks when I put this album on

Apple. Just I was driving, and I'm like, I got to go for a long drive, maybe an hour. I don't want to mess with music. I put Madonna the essentials on. And within 20 minutes, I was fucking blown away. I was blown away. I listened to Madonna from the 80s,

but most importantly, I listened to Madonna. and the 90s. What songs? Madonna made a big fucking splash in 84. Big splash in 83 with her debut album. Then she came back with Like a Virgin. The performance she did

at the fucking MTV Music Awards is up there with the greatest live performances I ever seen. She came out with the wedding dress and she fucking stripped down to like a thong and something else at the Radio City Music Hall.

It just froze. I froze motherfuckers. It froze me. And then when I left New York in 85, if you walked down the street, you saw 10 girls, five of them were dressed like Madonna. Hors were fucking coming out of the woodwork, right?

And then I got involved in whatever I was involved in. She put out another album, whatever, true blue or something. I don't fucking know. And then I went to prison. I got out. I got into comedy. and then when I got into comedy, like right around that time,

you don't remember this. She put out a Pepsi commercial and made Jesus Christ black. Holy shit. White people went off. And then she fucking came out with Justify the album, the Dirty Album, and they wouldn't put the video on MTV,

and it was Justify My Love. You got to watch that video. I listened to all. these songs. The stuff from 2000 is okay. Madonna's fire was from 87 to about 94. Madonna was

fucking real. And she was not a musician. She was not a really good singer. Madonna is what you call a fucking artist. Really? Yes. Yes. Yes. That is

a bona fide artist. She didn't put the black Jesus to piss people. She put the black Jesus to that was her creative. That's what she wanted to make Jesus, a black dude. And it worked like it had a point of view. Yeah. She got a reaction. Mershal. She got backlash. But she still remained Madonna. She put a book out of her with naked pictures and shit.

You know, when you watch Justify My Love, it's not a video fucking. It's a bunch of gay dudes dancing around and shit and it's like you're like fucking Madonna was a fucking true artist there's few people that are really artiste at what they do you know Bill Burr

John Mullaney you know they're really artis at what they do with comedy we're all artists we just don't know it from the beginning or do you think like it takes a while to become an artist? It's a baby artist you're an embryo

you're a fucking embryo. Whether you're a musician, a painter, you put cans together. You know, you ever go to like a fucking flea market and there's somebody there, like George's mom was an artist. George, my friend, she was the real deal. She would take fucking wine bottles

and put newspaper around them and melt red wax on the newspaper and sell them for 20 bucks. And she would do 10 a week. and take him to a thing, you know. George's, that's what George got it from, his mother. Wow. There's some people who are real fucking hard.

When George does a frame for you, it's a work of art. It's not just a frame. George doesn't frame that way. He frames from the artist's perspective. And it's really, really good to see. Would I be talking this shit when I was 30? No. I didn't know what the fucking artist was.

would I be talking this shit when I was 40? No. 50 maybe. Now, now I really see it. Who were the people that we thought were just humps or whatever? These motherfuckers want to something. You know, I saw that queen got a billion dollars for their music rights. Oh, shit.

That means Madonna is going to get two million, two billion. Probably. Donna's got 30 fucking bona fide hits over. Yeah, $2 billion. $2 billion. If she wasn't a good singer, it was just like the whole package. Like that was so great,

like the dancing, like everything put together. And now she looks like Eddie Munster. She got a gold tooth. She sings with a pad, but she's 67. I don't have the ball to do that. She's out there. You know? And that's what you look at.

You look at, even at some part of my career, I saw a little artist. street when I was doing the RRI things. Oh, absolutely. I saw a couple things that I was like, you know what, in a different world with a different attitude, I could have been an artist with a little hat with an apple on top and shit and telling people about the village and my friends in Soho. I could have been a fucking artist, but I mean, right way.

It sounds, I can understand where it sounds kind of like douchy to say artist, but, but, I mean, it's a right way. but it's not like when you said that when you were talking about that on the way home that night I just kept thinking like all I'm really doing right now is just like writing it and I'm like just starting to add like flare to it but like the way you use your voice the way you move around the way you move your eyes and your eyebrows like put together it's not just one thing it's not just sitting there reading off a script of a joke you wrote it's all of it put together

and that's where I think like the artist comes in is like knowing how to put that all together because you could be you were talking about being an artist with frames like you could be an artist with food like it seems like you could really if you take it it's just more like a love I think that the words are the same

you know when I went to me though with Joe three weeks ago that wasn't food that was a work of art those chart clams were a work of art that's an artist chef you know the stuffed uh the stuffed stuffed squid ink with the lobster tail and cheese on top that that that in that sauce that's a work of art you know it's like my man said and fucking man on fire a man could be an artist yeah that's great yeah he is an artist and he's about to paint his

fucking masterpiece, you know. And so you're writing the joke, you don't know it's going to be a masterpiece. You know, you don't know where it's going to go. If this is the bit that makes you, that gets you to the next thing, you know, you never know. It's just fucking trying, man. Was there a bit that got, like, that you think, like, was a turning point for you? Oh, the fucking Lucy Snowbush? Oh, this story? Okay. Yeah.

The, uh, beating the hooker up and stealing the wig. That was the biggest turning point in my career. Really? And the dumbest. No, no jurisdiction, you know, just you do movies, you do TV shows, you think you develop a following, nothing. You tell a story about mugging a hooker and letting her, lighting a wig on fire. People start buying tickets. One of the first time I sold the show after that story.

I sold 150 tickets at that fucking place on Wilshire. It's still there. The guy had the pizza parlor, and he sold, he did comedy. Right, I can't remember the name, but he sold bread there and shit. He did comedy next to bread or something. Oh, do you want me to say it? I think I remember it. Or do you not want me to say it?

I don't give a fuck. Sal's? Sal's, yeah. Sals. Sal's Comedy O. Yep. I had Sal's Comedy O. 100.

And what were you selling before this? If you sold 150 tickets that day. 32. 35, 40 on a weekend. You know, I still remember working with a booker. All those bookers early on,

they would book you for a number, and one of the two shows they booked you for would not exceed their sales. And then they try to talk you down. And you know, what are your options? Okay, I'll take 500. I was supposed to get 800, but I'll take five. I'll take four.

I never forget, I went to Orlando. It was Orlando in Tampa. This Spanish promoter chick brought me down there. She goes, I put a thing out, and you were the number two requested comic behind Angel Salazar. So the first night, it was tremendous. Orlando was like fucking 150 people you know

the next night in Tampa was like 32 oh no and it was time to pay me at like one in the morning this lady kept fucking beating around the bush and I'm like listen and she was with her son I go listen when your son fights because he was a fighter

I go they tell him what they're going to make if they don't do the gate he still gets the money and she goes, you're right. And she went to the ATM and paid me the 800 or whatever. And I felt bad because it wasn't her fault. It was my fault in the way. I didn't know how to promote. At that time, it was MySpace or some shit.

You know, we were all confused. Everybody thought just by going on MySpace, that you became a star like Dane Cook. Nobody knew there were steps to it. Like there was things you had to do, return messages and all this shit, you know. And I always think about that. Like, whose fault was that that night? Because the first night I did great.

The second night, there was a UFC. Oh, okay. There was a UFC. But I always did great during UFC's. You know, some of the best shows I sold out. We're doing the USC, especially with McGregor for it. I always sold that when McGregor for it. It's fucking, you're like, I'm not going to sell any tickets.

No. So it's really how you look at things sometimes, like how you go into them going well. What do you got this week, Cock Liquor? This week, on Sunday, the 30th, I'm at the Comedy Connection in Providence. And you have nothing? And you're headlining that night? No. It's a showcase show.

I don't know where I'm going up on it. I'm really excited. And then this is two weeks away, but July 5th and 6, I'm in Saratoga at the Comedy Works. So if you're there for July 4th weekend, come on out. Okay. This week, I think I'll be at the Comedy Dojo one night.

Nice. And the next week is July the 3rd on a Wednesday. I like to be somewhere that night. You know, like a good comedy show before people take off from town and whatever. Oh, yeah. It's so fun seeing you go up there. especially like and I get it I'm not trying to get you to do more but like when you're doing it and you're having fun doing it it's just funness it's it you look so free and like you're having so much fun up there I'm having a lot of fun when I do it once a week once every two weeks it becomes a blast for me it's a hobby I give it 100% I think it's shit you know it's really fucking tremendous but I don't know how you do that you you'll be talking about stuff on the car right up or in the green room and three minutes later you have 15 minutes on it

you just break it down man you just break it the fuck down i've been doing this for so long i miss that lee i miss that for a while my mind went dead to writing new jokes i couldn't pick that and now at least i'm seeing things again you know and oh yeah the worst thing ever is when your mind goes blank and you can't fucking write anymore, you know. But we did okay, but I'm really proud of you. Thank you, buddy. I got to watch you Saturday night and you were, you surprised me more than I thought. What happened?

I could tell you're putting the work in. I could tell you sticking to a system. And it's just working, Brennan, I'm very proud of you. That means the world, dude. I'm having just the talks with you after. everyone who brings me out, it just, I'm having a blast. I don't know what else to say. Thank you.

Just keep doing what you're doing, and I'll see you next week, Cox, Sucker. Love you, buddy. Feel better. Love you. Have a great week. The checking is brought to you by Blue Chew. Listen, we all know it's not about the size of the boat. It's the motion of the ocean. So let Blue Chew help you get shipwrecked. Blue Chew gets your dick hard.

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