The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #253 - Steve Simeone, Joey Diaz, Lee Syatt, and Listener Call's

Episode Date: February 3, 2015

Steve Simeone, Comedian and Host of The Good Times Podcast joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio followed by live call's from listeners. This podcast is brought to you by:  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  I Dont Care - Phil Collins I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Dogs - Pink Floyd SledgeHammer - Peter Gabriel Recorded on 02/02/2015

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And go to iron dragontv.com. dot com. Ion Dragon TV is a brand new Roku channel with all the best martial arts movies. You love it, Steve. It's great. And you get two free rentals when you use co-word Joey. They have the It Man series. They have Tai Chi Hero. And they had new shit every day.

Every day. They're fucking around them. Oh, that's awesome. And they're not just taking old digital stuff. They're taking, they have two of only, like, a handful of 4K film scanners, and they're scanning films all day every day. Like all that's black belt theaters. shit that I saw when I was a kid. Yeah, all that stuff is on the classic.

The old, like, the mafia Chinese stuff, cutting people's fingers off, all that shit is on there. With the guys laughing like that with the mustache. He throws the fucking safe up and he jumps the hell and he catches it. That's what I'm talking about. What else we got to leave? That's it. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. For you motherfuckers living in the past, it's February 2nd, cock suckers. Get your shit to go. Together. January's done. The credit card bill's coming. There you are. You want to be a fucking big shot and go to the mall and buy your Aunt Marie some fucking bullshit. Fuck that bitch. Now you got to pay for that shit, you're fucking momos. Here you go. Kick it Lee. I don't care anymore. That's a fucking attitude. If you're going to be a fucking savage, tell them all to suck your dick. It's the church of what's happening now. The fucking bad motherfucker to the fucking.

Max edition. February 2nd. Stars in deep. Steve Simone's here is to answer questions. Lee Syatt's here. Kick that motherfucker, Lee. Oh shit.

Stoned to the fucking gazelles. Oh, my God. What happened now? What do you mean? Can you give me a start-half? Put that on loud, please. Who cares about your star an hour? You ask me, what's going on?

I didn't ask you nothing. Put the fucking music on. Kick that motherfucker goat. Kick that fucking goat. Take that fucking go. When you leave the house the morning, this should be the fucking song playing in your head.

This and Pink Floyd dogs. If you do this every day and drink and eat an apple, you'll be a fucking savage. They won't be able to stop you this shit. So get out of my way. What? I'll fucking stab me the necktock sucker.

How I'm feeling tonight. All right, Latson. What are you typing? Who are you texting? No one. I'm trying to get something ready for the video. How are you guys doing? happy fucking February.

It's whatever it was. Groundhog there. I don't know if he came out. I don't know if he left. I don't give a fuck to be honest. You got nothing to do with me. Steve Simone, what's cracker lacking? You got back from Denver.

Denver breathing the high octane for two weeks. Yeah, it was beautiful. You should be running up and down. I'd tell you what. Yeah, it was way more difficult to breathe up there. It's easier down there. By the third day, it takes six weeks to get aggravated. But then everything changes.

Your blood changes. Your sleep deeper. You know what I miss about Denver and the mountain? Aspen, you leave your window two inches open. That's freezing. Oh shit. In the middle of the night, that motherfucking desert

with mountains drops. People used to think I was crazy in Boston. I would always leave a window a little bit open. Just a little crack in the window's good for you. Anyway, you breathe fresh air when you fucking sleep and you sleep like a fucking mama mama and a fucking no wonder you die when you're 80 because you fucking leave the window open. What am I talking about here?

I have no idea. How was your weekend? You're fucking all happy. Yeah. You didn't, when they were losing, you wouldn't answer the phone. You didn't call, but no, I was nervous. When it was 24-14, this motherfucker did not answer the phone. I thought we were going to lose.

He wore his shirt with Paula. You should have seen it. I wore a jersey, yeah. I was telling Steve, I had a jersey. I wore the past three weeks. I would take it off after the game and save it. I didn't wash it. Was it just the shirt that you said?

No, it was a jersey, underwear and underwear and undershirt. You see what I got a little? I'm really superstitious. You said in the same spot. I wouldn't let Polly, not this game, but the game against the Colts, no, the Ravens, when we were losing really bad, I wouldn't let her get off the bed if we were doing well. I'm like that, and it's crazy.

And then I won 100 bucks yesterday because of the game. Who did you bet? I played 25 on the Patriots last time I was in Vegas. Oh, shit. Look at you. So when are you picking up that yardstick? Next time I got to Vegas. What do I get out of that, 20?

You'll get your five points at some point. Five points. Gambling debt's a completely different. That's 20% of the Vegas. But you weren't taking action Is all yours When you win action 50% is I will joke

Oh okay So when I lose I'm fucked You know what I'm saying You're gonna get it together I'll fucking flip you For the whole 80% I got that magic coins Heads I win and tells you lose

And they're both heads What's going to be this Perfect Perfect nothing Bab boom What's going on with you Steve some old fresh as shit Making it happen out there

On the road Wonderful Road warrior Yeah I'm going to Canada When are you going to Canada? Next week I'm doing Edmonton. By yourself?

Yeah. Come on. Yep. That's a good fucking club. Yeah, I can't wait. Bring pictures of Lee. That's what Ari said. I got the merch getting delivered.

Those oil people, they buy cash up there. Oil people. Yeah, that's what it is. That's what I already said. Lee, what do you think you're talking about? You don't think I know my demographic. I don't know. I'm getting CDs, T-shirts, Willie Wonka, Golden Tickets.

They love everything. Garbage, Pail, kids stickers. They're good fucking people. I love Canadians. Canadiens are savages in their own fucking way. They got a little bit more, a little less cooth than Americans. Americans think who the fuck they are. Canadians don't give a fuck. You give them three beers and they're good to go.

Yeah, they're great. Where does Cassius Morris live? Is it up there? Edmonton. Cassius Morris lives with your son only goes like once a week, right? I think he does a podcast out of Edmonton. You're doing a podcast? He had a comment.

He said, he was going to do Cassius fucking Morris's podcast. This is what I'm talking about. Cassius Morris is a nice fucking kid. Yeah, I wish him. Every time I see him, he's doing more and more. He had, like, a news crew at his house. Oh, that's great. These fucking people can't do dick that live here.

They grow up fucking men, and they want to sleep. What did you do? I watch the Super Bowl with my family. Okay. Okay, good. There's spots out, and you fucking watch the Super Bowl with your fucking family, you fucking dummy. You know when I fell asleep. During the game?

You want me saying when I woke up? Don't tell me. Right at the end. When he made the catch, I woke up two minutes before the catch. I looked at the score. I was like, oh, no. When I saw the head of the ball, I'm like, oh, no. I saw the catch, the replay.

I got coffee. I sat there, and I saw him throw the fucking interception. It was beautiful. I thought for sure we were going to lose. I didn't watch the game. That was the dumbest play I've ever seen. Not one half-time minute, nothing. Oh, I didn't want.

We turned on Netflix during halftime. Yeah, it's another fucking move over here. That's superstitious. You don't turn out the fucking game, especially when you gamble. To watch some other piece of shit fucking show. What, you want to watch Katie Perry flying around on the star? No, that's when you get your dick sucked. That's when you give mama stamen your stabbling.

Where you're New England show, you put the helmet on her. What the fuck is wrong with you? This fuck, when I called him, like, well, we got to go. We're watching Blackwood. This fucking kid. Blackness is a great show. That's when you tell her, listen, what's crack in lack with those little toes. Let me suck on that little shit.

Let's burn those fucking tamales off. Turn around. Let me give you a little fucking rude you dick stabbing. That happens after. No, that's before. You're 26, dog. Yeah. That's what you do in the middle.

You get her over. You play with her little titties, and you make a fucking Sukalamek. Right, and wrong. When was the last time somebody sucked your balls during the game? How better would you have felt today? That would be pretty great.

Okay, then. Then what the fuck you think I'm here? I'm talking out of the line. I love you to death. No more blacklist. During the half of you, you get it close to you, swaps and spit your finger.

Blupe. Make a swallow a saw of the fucking Jerusalem. You know what I'm saying? We got that dick between your legs for this. Sit there with your fucking jersey. He's got like a mutt that you are. The sword of Jerusalem. The fuck is rolling.

That's your next t-shirt. You believe it's a fucking guy. He's got a hard chick over there. I would have told the Sukla-Make with the glasses on and turn you on. Yeah. Forget about it. We have sex. I hope so.

I hope so. You know, I hope you have fucking sex. It's been two years. You're in San Diego for the weekend. That's a drunken shit. Yeah. But I'm talking about half-time from now on. No more blacklist.

That's right. It's you with her. What are you going to watch the game for you by your son? for. That's what you can watch the game with her for. Yeah. To put it a work at halftime. Man, her over with the New England shirt on. Give her a little stab and smack that ass. Put it on

work? Yeah, sure. It's called. Put it to work. Everybody's sucking here. It's ain't a one-man show. You're sucking, she's sucking. Everybody got sour cream breath from the fucking dip. Mix it with a shot of sperm. Oh, God. If I was a young,

guy. The rest of 10 minutes of the podcast. If I was a young guy. If I was a 26-year-old, handsome guy and I had a girlfriend. And I sat there like two momos by ourselves because you sat there

by yourself. What the fuck do you think you do at halftime? You think you watch Netflix? No, that's what you had. We had six before the game show. Who gives a fuck? Forget sex. You gave her stabbing.

You went to make breakfast. You're 26. If I was 26 and she sat there at halftime, I'm not watching no Netflix. I'm not. watching nothing. The only thing I'm watching this Clint fucking explode. That's it. What is the matter

with you? Every week I've got to talk to you about something. Thank God you. You're worse than fucking Henry and Goodfellas. I feel like Paulie. Every fucking week I've got to talk to these kids. They don't listen. Every fucking week I got to talk to this fucking kid. Every week you got to fuck. What are you

doing during half time? Sleeping, but I'm 52. My wife, I got a two-year-old running around. It's tough to get your dick. We got a two-year-old fucking trawling your leg. But that two-year-old wasn't around yesterday at halftime. I'd probably get mama a weekly stabbing. A weekly stab. What the fuck?

But half-time when you're 26, you get your balls lift. All deep, deep in nuttack juice. Deep in the nuttack juice. And then afterward, you watch them eat the nachos, and you just giggle. Like, I don't care how many nachers you eat. You're never going to get that taste of a dick out of your mouth. What kind of gum works best for sour cream bread mix with sperm? That's what to try that sperm.

Generally sell that certain pharmacies. Jesus Christly, every fucking week I've got to talk to him about something. It's either a Subway sandwich or this fucking kid. What do you do all day? Don't you fantasize about pulling a hand? Yeah. So we do it, yeah.

That's what you do at halftime. You go, come here. Let me fucking give you a staff. Don't tell you, half time's not long enough. Oh. It's only 20 minutes. That's all you need to get your dick sucked. And to go underneath.

to need her ass, 60. Can you imagine how good the Super would have been if you were in the 69 during halftime? Right on the fucking floor. That would be fine. With your jersey on, she would have been blowing you. You would have been eating that ass from behind and sniffing that asshole.

Who's better than you on the Super Bowl Sunday, 69? Are you fucking kidding me? I never had a girlfriend on a fucking Super Bowl. But if I didn't, I was sitting in that fucking house alone and wouldn't be watching no fucking blacklist or no magician. I'd be 60. it's deep.

They're going to work off that French onion dip. What are you fucking nuts? The French onion dip sour cream. Fuck yeah. They eat half of the fucking French onion dip. More old school than French onion dip.

It's so good. Yeah, hot dogs are bacon on them. Forget about it. Oh, they're so good. Ooh, that bacon on your breath, they eat that ass. But okay, I shouldn't tell you this because it's probably going to take an hour

of the podcast. Well, first of all, let me tell you. Here we go. Felipe had vegan ceviche and Paula got crazy. I went off on them, too. I called them during. I called them I called them and threw it inside here

I said Delia how are you doing here? What's up fool? I said how's that Cervice made of coconut? Oh it's good fool I don't even fucking tell me that I go what is this fucking Sherega then What is this shikana

Which are you eating fucking Covecée made from coconut fucking milk Oh I like my heart blows I bring that up so maybe it'll be less on me Since we're watching our weight We had turkey hot dogs Dogs are up with turkey bacon

It was actually really good, but I know you're going to hate it. Turkey hot dog with turkey sausage. Turkey bacon. You just ruined my whole Super Bowl. Like, when I party on the Super Bowl, I fucking party. I'm sure. Like, I even called one of my friends. Like, the last Super Bowl that I had a good time was when Denver beat Green Bay, 98, 99.

Oh, the Torell Davis years, yeah. That was a fucking great Super Bowl. Reggie White was still alive. We had it down in Hollywood, Mitch Headberg. Oh, wow. He had Stan Ho, Josh Wolf, Ralphie cooked. It was like three houses were going. I think Jeff Ross came by to see Ralphie.

Wow. You know, that was the last time I sat and really giggled. And there was freaks. You know, people were doing blow and shit. It was tremendous. Then before that, it was like 84, where I was excited. Like, I went to the fucking corkies and got like a fucking Kualoo and an ape wall. And by fucking half time, we're off on rocker.

fucking turkey sausages I'm disgusted they were good oh my god I live in fucking hell here a fucking Jew eating

turkey hot dogs with turkey fucking bacon on them yeah the other day I was at that place that uh Domingos no I was at the club

and the kid goes What do you want to eat When you're in a comedy club You know You don't have that many fucking options Although Columbus is a great club And the menu

The chicken is not bad. They had a couple. They had a steak sandwich. I didn't eat any other than stuff. I ate salads and stuff. But the one night, two shows, in between shows, you get fucking hungry. Yeah. So the kid goes, dog, I split a burger where he's a skinny kid. I go, let's split a burger. So me and him walked up to the

chef. We're like, hey, dog, we'll take that burger now. The guy's like, what do you want? And I go, what do you want? He goes, I just like lettuce, tomato and cheese. I go, fuck it. That's a couple of ma'am. I go, do me a favor. Put onions on mine. On my side. He goes, no, you don't want onions? No, I just put onions on my side after the fact.

After you cut the hamburger in half, give me the raw onions. I'll put them on there and put some fucking ketchup on it. Guy goes, what do you want on that? I just fucking told you, right? He goes, you don't want no bacon on it or not? I go, no. Well, guess what? This motherfucker put bacon on my cheeseburger.

I looked at that bacon. And it looked like my big toe, the fungi toe I got. Like the bacon they use to put on any of that food, 70% of it sucks. It's not the right kind. That's why I fucking hate bacon on cheeseburger Cheeseburgers are cheeseburger I'm right there right there

That's it I don't get the fucking bacon on it I just It's like I can't even know It's like you fucking It's like eggs on burgers It's like somebody shoving their head up your asshole When you already came

What are you bothering me for? Yeah it's overkill I already cracked another It's half time I was 69 with my New England show Fucking blacklist You said I gotta go through with you Have you seen that show? Oh yeah yeah

But it's not worth half time instead of me and mama being there by ourselves. That's true. And you're not going to see her all week. This is what I'm saying. I'll see you Thursday. But that's four days. So that's why you've got to give a three stabments in one day.

When you're 26, I can shoot nine loads in one day. Yeah. A couple push-ups on back. It'd only be a minute a fucking shot. You know, I only last in a minute. But at least I'm giving you a stabbing. I'm meeting your ass. I'm improvising.

It's a good minute. Yeah. Because sometimes you're just 69. You don't need to crack a nut. He's there to eat the monkey. You're not there to fucking crack a nut. It's about her. You're eating a monkey.

It's upside down. It's exciting. You're sniffing the muffler. That's it. That's what you're going to talk about. What is sniffing the muffler do for her? Because it's the Super Bowl. You got to lick it, then.

Well, lick it too, but you got to put some of the French onion dip right in there. No, no, that's disgusting. Now you're getting fucking disgusting. You would never do that anyway. Yeah, but why wouldn't you? Because that's disgusting. I don't eat French onion dip by itself. Why would I ruin an asshole?

You want to tell a cream dip? Why would I ruin the flavor of an asshole with that fucking French onion shit? You fucking Gentiles will unsure. Anyway, what are you getting me all fucking fire that? No cheddar cheese on an asshole? Fuck, no. You filthy fuck. Anyway,

Cheddar cheese. I had a great time in Columbus. One of the top fucking clubs in the country. Great audiences, but one of the best parts of the week I'm going on Jeremy and Lopa on the radio station, they're great. But this fucking cat I've been talking to on Twitter, this, Pat Shea, fucking just.

Listen, last Monday I went on Twitter, and I went on the podcast, and I got pissed off because some guy was messing with me on fucking whatever, Gmail. Okay. It's like so weird how you have one asshole. Ruins it for everybody. But then you have 20,000 people. Great people.

Like talking Lair and Leon and fucking Jason, no Susquehanna. You meet these people, and you know, like, this completes my fucking journey. I don't want nothing. They just want to talk to you. And Pat Schaeber's one of those guys. I felt I didn't have enough time with. Like, there was always people around. He came all fucking three nights, which broke my heart.

Just by one fucking ticket. You know, and come, your family, you know? Yeah. But, uh, you know who else is cool? Who we, who you, you might not have met yet, but New Orleans Smokehouse. He has an Instagram where he takes pictures of all the food he's cooking. I was looking at it today.

It looks unbelievable. He's tremendous. Those people, and they're having a festival, they're not inviting us. What the fuck? So we're going to make our own festival, that Newette theater. That's what I think I'm going to do. A newette?

What he did it before? I did it before. Just take eight of us down there. Four or five of us, take a big bag of reefer, and let's go deep into the fucking bayou of debt into New Orleans and have a little festival. It's a hundred ninety-nine seats. That'd be great.

We could do three shows and one fucking night, 20 minutes a piece and get the fuck out of there. That's how you do it. Me, you, somebody else. I would love that. Get three cheap hotel rooms off the fucking beating pads so you don't have people playing the trombone outside. Jumping up and fucking down.

The trombone. Yeah. No, when I went down there shoot grudge match, I liked it. I thought it was pretty neat town. I just don't want to be in the mix of things. Yeah, it's chaos. I like being off the beaten path a little bit,

especially that. It's a little too much, I think I'm a little too long in the fucking too. Especially in hotel rooms. Like, we made the mistake of getting a hotel room in downtown San Diego, which I'll never do again, because they charged 40 bucks for parking a night.

And we didn't really do anything in downtown. So, and I just, I should have booked a hotel room, but she went to school there, so I chose it. But it was way too loud. There were drunk people all night. fucking stab this kid before the year is over.

What are those rings you got on? You got like a Super Bowl ring on your own? I got the Indian and I got my wedding bag. What's the Indian? I've never seen that before. Yes, you have. I wear this fucking, this is my main fucking man right here. Oh shit. This is the motherfucking Indian. What the fuck you think you're dealing with you? You never seen the Indians? He's in the longest yard.

He's a grudge match. Oh, really? Yeah, I try to sneak him and everything. That's great. I go to the director. That's beautiful. All right. Let's do this shit. What do you think you're dealing with here? Oh, my God. So can you tell me, can you tell me? Can he tell me, can you tell me, tell them about what you call me every time

you have a connecting flight and tell me the menu you had for the edibles at like 3 a.m. You're like, all right, dog. I woke up. I threw a star in. Oh, fuck. I was fucked up. I sat next to, who did I sit next on the way? I had Sebastian behind me. No way. And John Legend

right next to me. That's fantastic. And I, here's what happened. I got on the line and I saw them, I saw John Legend. Doubted Airline. two guys, big guys,

with a big black guy and a little black guy. I just couldn't tell who it was. I didn't really give it that much attention. I just looked. So when I walked in the plane, I put my thing up, and I saw the big black guy sitting three rows behind. Here in a window scene, when I looked down,

I'm like, holy shit, it's John fucking legend. So I put my luggage up, and I just sat down. You know how many words I said to him, talk to the whole flight? Zero? Not one fucking word. Not even a zero. I didn't even acknowledge the motherfucker.

I sat there, I watched the drop, I watched some other shit that were on TV. Delta, the direct flight to Atlanta, one of the best flights I've ever taken. Yeah? You just sit there like a king, like a fucking king. I love the fucking camera

behind the seat. What's that? The screen. You can pick and choose whatever you want. Jet blue and all those. Virgin does it. That makes a big difference guy. It's night and day.

You're right. Jet blue with the fucking direct TV. But United Chargers is what's pisses me off. United what? Charges for TV. At least in back, they do. United fucking is, I don't know, last two flights are two,

United did not have Wi-Fi, fuckers. Right. I don't care. I don't care about your fucking movie, but let me get on the computer for five minutes and buy fuck myself. Yeah. And he's like to write a paragraph in a book

or something, you know. They didn't have fucking Wi-Fi guys. Yeah. You know, no movie, no fucking Wi-Fi. I sit there stone to the gills anyway. You know what I got some base is covered. Yeah, so tell them, You take it three in the morning, four in the morning.

I take a fucking star and a Cheebochew. I don't take the Chewendo. Oh, my gosh. But I don't take the Cheat. I take the star with my protein shake and the blood pressure. Then I drive to fucking LAX. I get the LAX. I park the car.

I walk in. I check. I get everything. And when I'm putting my stuff through security, I take the Cheebichu wrapper off the little Cheebichu and I throw the Chebichon security in the bucket. Because I don't want to eat it right. right then. I want to eat it.

So you just put a piece of candy in the bucket and nobody even thinks about it? And if they do that, what are they going to do? And if they do that, what are you looking at it? It doesn't really smell like weed. But just for reference, Steve, I took maybe 40, probably close to like 38 something tonight. He took five times that. Before six of the morning. Well, they told me in Denver 10 milligrams in a bowl.

Yeah, that'll be nice, but you never did a dude. Tell them 10 milligrams of Joey. How many milligrams you do that? I did at least 40 because it's 25 in. Then he gave me half of the other one. and then we smoked a joint Wow People keep asking for a slurry Lee

So they're gonna get it I don't care anymore He's fucked up I love it's a beautiful Monday Someone just said I love how Joey gets Just as uncomfortable talking about turkey bacon As Steve does it about blowjubs

Oh please I hate fucking turkey bacon I'm standing online before I know Paula so I was just like I'm standing on line before I'm too far I know Paula too I love Paul Lundette but it don't matter because I know what fucking Harvey Homo's doing.

I know he's sitting there playing a board game or fucking that shit. I know this fucking guy. We played Monopoly the other night? Yeah. No, what the fuck? What are you talking to? I'm dealing with fucking Harvey fucking Wipsstein.

At least I won. Oh, Jesus Christ, what did you win? What did you win? What did you win at the end of three hours? What the fuck did you win? The big hotel? Yeah.

She's 26 years old. She's Mexican. Put that ass to work. They like that shit. Mexican. people. They used to it. All these guys go over there, those Mexican bang, why, because they're savages.

Those women's will fucking go for hours. You don't need to go to the Lenticle. You're wasting your time. Friday, Saturday, Saturday, you just prete those curtains black. You're the one that wants to be Harvey Feinstein and say, oh, that's called San Diego downtown. Then you realize it's 40 a fucking night to park. They ain't fucking around

down there. What were you thinking? You don't know the staying car's bad and to drive downtown? Even a fucking four-year-old knows that. shit Lee. A professional. Next time, ask one of us. Go, I got to take this fucking... Don't ask her. She's going to tell you, yeah.

Go on Expedia. What the fuck do they know? What does she know about traveling? He knows. He leaves the mayor of fucking San Diego. You should have gone to him and got a fucking little place in La Jolla off the beaten path for 60 bucks. You're just going into the fuck anyway. Right or wrong. What are you going to these rooms to do?

Yeah. You're going to the fuck anyway. Everything in San Diego is a distance. You're not going to walk around. Nobody wants to be down. town. Nobody. Nobody wants to be downtown. You can find one of those places in La Jolla with no air conditioning for 65 a night. Yeah, all season like this. Yeah, all season that you call. Parking free. That you cuddle next to that fucking, what's the player? Nobody remembers Roserita. What's the fucking place next to the Denny's on PJ. Ramiros. There ain't no better Mexican food down there than that. I know your friend has the tacos, but they're white people tacos. I'm talking Mexican fucking food. Mexican food.

There ain't no better than fucking Ramirez. Romero dirt tacos in the middle of the night. Tell this fucking Mo Mo Mo. But he don't understand. He got sucked in. Because Expedia, she wanted to go. What gives a fuck when she wanted? Well, the best thing about it.

This is what we need. Yeah, you don't have to move the car. You drink for fucking free. You don't need to move the car. That's it. You're done for the whole weekend. You don't ever go to San Diego for fucking nothing. That Hilton downtown, I took a pot cookie.

200 of the fucking night. I didn't pay for it. The club paid for it. I took a pot cookie in a baggie. You know, I walk up in the morning. A fucking rat had even had the fucking pot cookie. Do the baggie. Don't ever fucking stay downtown,

but you don't ask. You don't ask. You're like a sucker. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You want to go on. The fuck is wrong with you. You go to fucking La Jolla right there off the beating path. I've stayed there with Terry a thousand times.

And everywhere else is like 200. They want a 65 no air conditioning. You crack that window, but that's the best piece of cold pussy you ever got in your life. You go to that fucking Ramiros. But you know how much you eat? for 20 bucks in Ramirez.

Tell fucking Mobo. Tell fucking Mobo. You get the best carn eat this in fucking San Diego. And a fucking bean and cheese burrito. With a little peek on a guy on that motherfucker. That's what you're eating. Well, the Yelp said, I don't give a fuck what the fucking Yelp said. I'm telling you what the masters of disaster said.

You're Mexican this what the fuck you're eating. And that's it. Ramiro's best fucking thing next to Denny's, right next to Peebee or whatever. that we grew up there Mission of Barnett How many fucking sets did you do that? That's how I met Adam Hunter. I met a thousand people doing comedy down there

and that's the rule. When you walk out of that nobody goes to fucking Denny's. You go straight to fucking Ramirez. When you let the comedy story tonight, you went right to Ramirez. I got the same shit every time. Carnitas.

The best rice, the best beans, the carnitas were brown. You never got sick, but we'll put you over the fucking top was that bean and cheese barrials. Jesus fucking grass. David Shavits,

first time I got a bean and cheese burrito was right there. That's the only fucking time. That's what excites me about going to San Diego. When they were calling me, that room paid $200 bucks, I dropped 20.

I used to buy, this is how fat I was. I used to get the Cornitas and three bean and cheese burritos. And to mercy's fucking, I swear to mercy. By the time I got to Irvine,

God, how big of the fucking bean and cheese? cheese burritos down there, bro. You would eat it driving? Like that. There's no driving, Lee. They do have a driving there, but it's not like McDonald's.

No, no, no, no. I said you eat it driving back to L.A.? Driving back to L.A. A humong? It's not like a Taco Bell burrito. It's a... No. It's a real burrito.

It's like a football. I would eat the carnitas parked. That you don't drive. You got to put them in the taco and the Pico and the guy and the sour cream and the fucking guacamole. You have no fucking ideally. Best Mexican food.

Best Mexican food. Should order that Italian food? From fucking best Mexican food I've ever fucking had here. Is there any Mexican food like that in the valley? There's a couple of decent places, but not great. No, right? Listen, when you go to Mexico,

nobody puts French fries on carnitas and vice versa. So that's not Mexican food. That's something fucking, some guy named Lee said fucking Dickwitz. And you like that shit. That's not Mexican food. I'm talking about, you know where? The second best place I had,

Mexican food? Long Beach. Oh, Gabriel took me. It was a spot in Long Beach. I was a little bad to the bone. I'm telling you. That's where you go when you go. These are some real fucking Mexicans in that kitchen.

This fucking guy has never had a shrimp, Mexican shrimp cocktail. I never heard about it. Your fucking head will blow up. I mean, you got crepes. You don't know how to make fucking grapes, you fuck and macaroons, but you never heard of it.

No. You know what they got a good shrimp cocktail? Oh. Casa Vega. I was just thinking that. Costa Vega. I guarantee Casa Vega. Casa is like the whitest Mexican place here.

They might have a nice fucking shrimp cocktail. That's a good spot. Mexican shrimp cocktail is a million of those little shrimp cocktails that you get AIDS from eating. Yeah, who came in the jar. Left over. They'll give you five big ones, really, filled with avocado and onions mixing the stinks. When you pick up the fucking shrimp, it's got the avocado on that. Is it cocktail sauce still or no?

It's way beyond cocktail sauce. That's the fucking amateurs. Oh, wow. And me, I don't drink. I'm a pussy. But if I was a young guy, I would only have that with a fucking corona or two. And tell them to spice that motherfucker up.

Like, if I was dirty, like I like my Kalamai and Rudy's with hot sauce. Oh, I love it. The medium burns people. The hot sauce takes you to a different level. But with a Heineken on tap, in the old days, when I knew there was a half gram in the car, stop.

Stop! You pop that fucking two bumps of blow. You take a tremendous shit. Next time I... fine night, you're not 69, and during halftime, we're going to have a problem. And next season you do it every game. Like, you start that game one. Paula, come on over. What are we

going to do? Come here. And you fucking... You get that fucking muffler that doesn't noise you make? Well, you know, it depends what you're sucking on. If you lick the ass or you make complete different noise, your machine gun on it, you give them a little licks, you don't want to drive it

crazy. Machine gun in it. We really need to have like a sex, like you need to overtake over a love line, get rid of Oh my God, the ratings would go through the roof. We're just having a good time here, people. What's a mother-in-law?

Where's Tony Bennett-cugs on? Oh, shit. You're slipping in shit. What the fuck? We saw you. Are you going to go see him and Lady Gaga? Yeah, yeah. Tickets tomorrow morning.

You see me all the fucking excited. You said I got to deal with. Oh, shit. To pick up the pieces when some people. Somebody breaks your heart. Oof. Some, somebody

twice as smart. So we've got another half of Starling here. Hell no. Let's get the other half of that. I'll get the Uber here because of this. I'll give you a ride home. No, it's okay. You said I got Uber here.

I think that was responsible. He's always responsible. He's one of the best fucking people I know. He don't need the Uber. So what? You got a couple fucking stars in you. Drive by sound. Yeah, you just get in the call

and do what you do. You always get yourself home. You even got hit by a cop club. Who gets hit by a fucking cop. What? He's a fucking McCuck. And he tried to get away from the steam like Shug Night. What happened?

We got high as fuck this morning with this. We didn't get that high. No, no. We took you for a little dog car. It was a Fugazi edible. He gave me a jolly wrench edible. That was just not that great. And the sound went down.

If you look, we did a, we did a, a Wednesday podcast, the sound went down, when I had to go home and get a piece of equipment. On the way back, a cop's mirror hit my car. Oh, God. And I was like, fuck. We were at a light. That's the worst luck imaginable. I was high as high.

I was high. Coming back. And I was like, I was just okay through the window. But they said, no pull over into the, uh, that mini mart over on, on more part. I'm okay, officer. I'm good. And we got out of the car and when they looked and like it bent their mirror back. And they're like, you okay?

I was like, I'm fine. That's good. We're good. Like, looking back on it, I should have got like a get-out-of-jail free card from later. I would have loved for them to side swipe the car. I would have taken off and just plowed into a restaurant. Open up the seat,

but I just fell on the street. I started fucking shivering like I'd sue them, motherfucker because they got nowhere to go. If a cop car hits you, they got nowhere to go. Especially like if they run a light or something, you just drop out. I start talking about fucking Beirut,

69 and how you were going to hang them high you were an extra in the fucking warriors the shit. The Warriors. I was an extra on the Warriors, though. I was right there. 140A street out, a knife through my neck.

What's going on, Lisa? Everything all right, my brother? Everything's good. What do you got planned for this weekend? This weekend? What do you got plan for Valentine's weekend? I want to hear this fucking disaster. Oh, you know this story.

We're doing our three fat foods we've been able to do since June. In-N-Out Buffalo Wild Wings and Pizookies. Buffalo wings You eat a piece? Just like six Because we're gonna Six apiece Well no we're gonna share six

I think Well because what we were gonna do Is go to the movies And split up in and out In Buffalo Wild Wings But there's nothing out At most In two weeks

Maybe American sniper But that'll be in Valentine's Day Saturday What's Saturday? Dick Night All right then Dick Night's happening

Don't you don't worry American sniper On Valentine's Day You know who it is? Lisa Aant's Dick That's the only sniper That's the only sniper You know what I'm saying?

Using protection? No. She's on the pill? Yeah. All right, you don't be fucking getting that Mexican brunt pregnancy. No, that'd be terrible.

You got a good sperm. You have this treadmill? I'm sure I do. Sure, you're eating good. You're drinking water. That little juice sperm is ready to fucking branch out. You're done?

Oh, that'd be so bad. You imagine that. The whole family moving. You had a grandma, mom. Oh, the mother would move in. The father would make a comeback. The uncle will be back and shit. You'll be over there working 10 fucking podcasts.

you'd be podcast too you just be sitting at the that's it you just see it look at you go to fucking you stream you just see exhausting exhausted but I wouldn't mind

the mom moving and she makes amazing food oh all right please wait until she moves in she talks to you every day you'll be begging to get out of that that fucking house and smoking dope

yeah I'm sure you're begging to get the magical mystery tour you move that fucking lady Rodney Dangerfield and easy money keep fucking with me. I move her and your mama. Oh, my mom would kill me if her mom moved in with us.

And then I'll get pops up here too. I hit the number. I'm going to get pops right next door to you. Dante bring him a fucking package every three days to get that motherfucker going, knock on your door, talking about fucking Boston the glory days. We used to smoke cigarettes and Dave Collins. Fucking cock suck. I love this fucking

savage. It's the best. Oh, my God. Lisa, that's as tough as nails. You know, underestimates himself. Lee, we're going to go eat it out of him. I don't know. Talking of which, you know, guys, I had such a bad life for a while.

I know the difference when having a bad life and having a good life. To have a good life, not financially. I'm talking for your life just to be normal. You have to work at it. Yeah. You really, really, really... You know, the other day was up,

when I was getting to my car, when I came back from Columbus, For a long time, I had this Cuban kid who was driving me. I met him an Uber. Me and Lee met him one night. We're doing Doug does movies or one of those. Doug said to an Uber for you because you're going to get high. And I met the kid.

He seemed like a nice kid. He was Cuban. And he goes, you know, I give rides to the airport. Whatever the fuck he said he was for Uber, I gave him 20 over. Yeah. It was fucking way more than what I would pay. But he's a Cuban kid and I want to help him. Yeah.

I'm going to hit a bonus in whatever town I go to. I'll take that and apply to that. He's hospital and he's doing the right thing. Everybody makes money. That's it. Spread it around. You don't make money, you have to spread money. Well, the kid, you know, every fucking trip, he was always late to pick me up or, you know, always an excuse me.

Wait, I just said, forget it. I enjoy driving myself. It's my last 35 minutes in town. Yeah. And you know what? If I got to be at the airport at 5, I get there at 430. You know why? Because I've worked by the elevator.

Yep. And the other day when I got out of the car, Lee, I crossed the street. My car was right there on the third floor. Bing, there was my car. I put my two pieces of luggage and I strotted up I pissed on the wall like I always did

I always peeped but at the end of that thing I don't know what is I got to pee and I'm not going back to the bathroom with fucking luggage from the view and I get in the car and I go how easy is this

but it's not easy because I got to the airport at five to five like the old days my flight would leave at six and for some reasonally I thought I could get there at 10 to 6 and they let me on the fucking plane and I kept doing this Lee

I kept doing it It was the worst happening in the world. But it all went back to, you know, having a job finally, and Lisa had let me sleep on his couch. And then finally, after six weeks, I would get an eight ball of coke, blow off my job, and Lee would find me doing coke. Yeah. And Lee would throw me out, and I'd be mad at Lee.

Fucking Lee sucks. But it was the same routine. Right. Yes. Until one day you say, this is how I'm going to live my fucking life, and this is how I live my life. When I won those trips, bro, I hate drama. Let me tell you something.

the last two weeks, I escaped major fucking storms. Lee knows. I was in Buffalo last Sunday. Shot to Newark. That was my connecting flight. As I was leaving Newark, Santa Claus was dropping fucking coke dust. Again, last meeting Columbus. As I was walking off the stage, they were getting snow already.

When I woke up, they had three inches of snow, Jack. But that's the Columbus airport. That's what they do. Yeah, you see. They sit there. Snow's going to come. They sit there with machine guns. They shoot the fucking snow out of the airport.

They do something. As I was taking off, it was fucking a blizzardly. You know, but why does that happen? Because I get up the fucking extra two hours. Yep. And I get to the fucking airport because as a professional, I know that the first flight, that's it. Yeah.

There's no, no, no, I don't care. It doesn't work. I'm telling you, get the fuck out. Always, get out. That's what I do. The other day, I saw them lock up the airport in Chicago. Oh. I missed it by five minutes.

I miss it by five minutes. Wow. They shut a wing of by five minutes. Because when I jump off a plane, I got a connecting plane, I eat next to the connecting plane. I go to the connecting plane and see what the line is at. If the line's cool, I jump on that motherfucker maneuver for position. Because I got to get on that plane first.

My shit's got to be on my bin. Oh, we're going to have a fucking problem. We're going to have a fucking problem. But it's amazing when you work on your life, how much easier it gets. Absolutely. How it's not fucking. The shortcuts make everything worse.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your friend and this and that, I'm going to do this. Better to pay for it. Yeah. No, no, no, don't do me any favors. Who's the best guy? That's a fair... Done.

It really is amazing. So when you live it, you see it. Yeah. For the last fucking three years, for five years, I've been telling people because they know who it is, because we all have those people in our lives. We all have a person in our lives. I have a friend here.

that every time I talk to him, it's how bad life is. But I told him four years ago to start a podcast. But every time he calls me, which is once every 10 days, is how he's struggling, how bad life is, they don't know how funny he is. It's just a fucking beat-up game. And I sit there and I take it because he's a sweet guy, but the fuse is getting.

The fuse is ready to go, hey, listen, bro, I told you 10 years ago to do this, eight years ago to do this, and you sit there and you fucking make fun of me. like, oh, I can't believe you're doing a podcast. You know, and I don't even know my fucking train of thought as my nose is getting fucking congested so I get anxiety. So I start thinking I can't fucking breathe.

It's a horrible fucking thing I'm living with. You got St. Jude right there. You got nothing to worry about it. No, I fucking know that. So I've been telling people for years about Shug Night. Shug Night did something that was like a disrespect to an art. Do you want to go eat like a tissue? No.

I don't want you to do. I want you to sit there and just relax with your Uncle Joey. I got tissues. I got a shirt on. As long as you got fucking shirt on, you can blow your fucking nose. I'm not going to excuse myself like my fucking buddy. Go get me a tissue.

Who the fucking think I am? I'll be a buddy. But it's amazing Shugnoy. Like, I remember being at the store years ago, and Shugn't I being on the balcony and me just getting in my car and leaving. Fuck my spot. Fuck the $15.

Fucked the check. I just left. When Henry Hill was at the comedy store, 15 years ago and dice and everybody was out there jumping up and down them no matter what was going on I got my car and I got the fuck out of it avoid the problem because there's certain people that they bring this fucking debt with them and you feel it on some people you feel it you feel it you felt on somebody at the store Monday night last week you felt you you fucking want to get the fuck out of and I was like oh my god if the leader feel that way how creepy was the guy yeah when you feel

it you fucking you know last time I was at the store I felt it and then I found out there was a fight in the main room after I left. Who fought that? Yeah, the black comedy night. Yeah. It was that Tuesday night. What happened? I don't know.

Speedy. I don't know. None of my business. I just felt, and I had nothing to do with that. It was in the air. It was in the air. And I went, what am I doing on the sunset strip?

I'm 41 years old. I go, I'm going to go home, make a sandwich and go to sleep. Peanut butter jelly. I don't even remember what it was. Peanut butter jelly on a whole grain. Oh, I think of a glass of fucking milk. Ice cold milk.

And you're shaking up. It's like a mess. It's like a mess. milkshake when you're drinking it at first. People don't know how important it is to shake up the fucking gallon. Shake it up for a minute. So good. Get the milk bubbles.

But when I was a kid, I had a friend that would shake it up and then put sugar in it and shake it up again. Oh. Oh, my God. They make his own sugar milk? Genius. He put it over ice cubes, but shattered ice. Oh, like the chicken.

Like, do you kind of get it? Yeah. I don't like milk. He was a bartender at six? Yeah, he was like that. He was like, he was like fucking 10. He had the, that's when the kid was on the gallon. They don't put the milk.

kid on the gallon no more. The old fucking things. People don't drink milk anymore. No, they don't drink milk like that no more. So on the old days they had the thing, and he put like three scoops. And people that go over, the best thing I ever had, growing up was at the bend of this house. These motherfuckers are cut strawberries and then put milk over, a little bit of sugar, and then seal it and put the refrigerator overnight.

The next morning comes out like strawberries and strawberry milk, good googly-moogly when you're fucking stoned. You have no fucking ice beer. I've never even heard of doing something. Old Italian type shit, they would do that stuff. Get the, I don't know what it's called. They don't know nothing. But they have a thousand fucking things like that that that aren't bad for you. You know, if you eat two fucking strawberries and have some milk,

it's like eating fucking Captain Crunch, right? That's way healthy for you. Same fucking difference. No chemicals. Sugar cornflakes. Yeah. How good with fucking cornflakes. Yeah.

I like the Rice Krispy Corn Flakes with the sugar when they pop and shit. Rice Krispy Tree. Listen until. film pop Ooh People don't keep Remember people You used to have a sugar bowl

You go over somebody's kitchen There was all sugar there People were scared Scoop it out And pour it on your cereal and shit Even if you had cornflakes You could dope them up With some sugar right

Oh the greatest Yeah you could always dope up corn flakes I fucking hated corn flakes But then I figured out Wait a second Give me the fucking sugar I get my own frosted flakes Hell yeah

The best was count chocolate I liked anything That the milk turned chocolate Sometimes the milk turned chocolate it tastes it like ass. I didn't count chocolate tasted like ass, but the other one was good.

The chocolate rice crisps. Yep. Oh, Coco Pebbles. Coco Pebbles. Coco Pebbles. Coco Pebbles was the shit. The Fred Flintstone

with Coco Pebbles. Yes, it was. Especially when they made it with sugar before, and then they switched it over to corn syrup, but it was never the same. It was never the same.

It was all good old school. Cocoa pebbles and shit the milk would get yummy for your tummy. I could eat a box of that shit when I was 15. I'm a cinnamon toast crunch or fruit loops. Those are my two favorites.

You munch them together? You're putting them together? No, I never did that. All right. What else, Lee, Sayan? What else you got for me, a second? That's about it, man. Well, she's going to tell me to fucking aggravate the shit on me,

I just came down from the turkey fucking hot dogs and the turkey. It was pretty good. Bologna, you know what? You love turkey, yeah. You really like a deep dozen sense. It's easier to have right now. Did you take another subway, though, this week?

No. Did she explain to her? It's over. It's only Jersey and mice. I'm not doing no more sandwich. People were tweeting her saying, you're a Jersey Mike's girl now or something. She asked me,

she's like, what does that mean? I said, we can't go to subway anymore because Joey said. Not Joey. Life said. Life dictates itself.

You're the best. You want the best in you, right? You want nice turkey. You want nice pastrami. Nice salami. How's the sandwich at, like, Ralph's? I like the deli counter the other day, and I saw them doing the same thing

as your mic does. The truth? Yeah. Tremendous. Yeah. It's not. Tremendous. Yeah.

You told me that years ago. Years ago. They do the same thing. Same thing. Tremendous. Rouse has the cheapest sandwich. They used it. You can get a fucking sandwich at Routh for $4 that you can eat half of it and put the other half.

Rock and roll Rouse. And you're talking to a fat motherfucker 10, 15 years ago. It was great. I was the one that went there and used to say, do you guys make sandwiches? We'll make your sandwich. And they didn't know. They didn't know. They charged you for a bun and a quarter pound of meat.

They had no idea. So I go in there and get the seed of fucking rolls And make them make a ham A Thumann's ham and Swiss with mayonnaise And a slice of tomato on that motherfucker. Stop, Lee, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You chopped that motherfucker and a half with some potato chips And a Coke and a bottle

Not a 16 ounce, that's my pussies. You've got to go deep with a 32-ounce of shit And throw it like four ounces away at the end To make you feel good about yourself. You ever buy a big, big, big Coke But you don't drink the whole thing. You throw away the mouth wash. I'm doing all right.

I won't get diabetes. I threw away two ounces. You know what I'm saying? Those are the diabetes ounces. Portion control. Hey, buddy. What's up, my man? How's my main man doing?

I'm good. You're ready for another star in debt just to take us to the next fucking dimension? I'm at the next dimension. I want you to put on fucking dogs for your uncle Joey. No. I say aerosmith. I said Pink Floyd.

Oh, okay. It's right. Who's beeping that side? Yeah, it sounds. What the fuck, Lee? You got people coming over here? Leigh-I-at tonight. The church of what's happening now.

The shit. Speed it up. I want to hear some good parts. How far? Give me about a minute, man. Speed it up, Lee. Minutes. I'm going to take it.

Go on. Crack up. Flying. Let's go, buddy. Crack that shit. Put the earphone. on. Turn the lights off.

That's it over. Turn these fucking lights up. It's over. Fuck it. Wait, wait. Wait, wait. Fuck it. Don't do nothing.

Here we go, a little. Pick Floyd for your shit. I ain't fucking around here. Get your phone. And the church. Don't put the, this in a concert.

You want to go black and white. What is this is no bird? See, I'm going to see you. Here we go. Take this motherfucker deep. If you're not doing bomb. Hicks. Rip that fucking bonging out right now. You fucking pussy's fucking Monday night.

9 o'clock, LA, 12 o'clock midnight. At your age as I was fucking eating ass, doing Puminaws, listening to this shit in the winter, make it believe I had somewhere to go the next day. The fuck are you kid. Crank that motherfucker, I believe I am. It's over. Fucking nuts.

Now we're going to take you deep. This is David Gilmore. I think this is the first. one of the fucking four, the second one. Metal, dogs, animals, dark side of the moon, and wish you were here. I don't know the fucking order.

But listen to David Gilmore, how he tastes you. Listen to the dogs coming. Let's say you want to hit an acid. Right now, you thought dogs were in your fucking living room over to get you. Are you fucking kidding me? How genius is this?

You hear that wolf? It's over. Now the dog's disappeared. Now, you've got to do what you fucking do. They're going to have to get a knife, a gun. Well, this is a Dave Gilmore's guitar. You can hear his fucking soul in his solo.

Oh, shit, Lee. It's a Monday night here. Stop texting Steve Simone. I'll step on that fucking phone. You know what timing is. It's Big Floyd fucking. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

This is to the heartbeat. You hear that heartbeat lead? I'm going to win some sort of camera work award for this podcast. This is to the heartbeat league. Don't stop. This is the Gilboard. Taking it. Oh shit.

Oh shit. Are you fucked? If I had heroin, I'd shoot it right now. Like a way. And here it is after. He just drops it right here. Put the fucking light on. Put the light on, Lisa.

That's too much. That's too much. Wow. What number they call, Lisa? Give them the number, Lisa. We're taking some fucking calls here, you savages. What's the fucking? phone number they call this.

Calling right now. Me, the flying Jew, Steve Simone, we're going to do a couple calls here. It's a Monday night. What else are you going to fucking do? What are they going to do? What's... Mindy? We've got some reruns going. No, what's the fucking... Mindy?

The Mindy... Mike and Molly? Mike and Molly. Mindy Project. I don't fucking know nobody. All right. If you want to call in, it's 818 570-5494. 570-5494. 818, 574. 52-54

What is it Lee? What? Why are you sitting there like a mook On the fucking put the number up I did I did put it up hold on it What's the number? That's 8-1-8-58-750544 I just logged in the long sky

For the second Fucking Shug Night man It's just running over Fucking guy Yeah what happened Was somebody attacking him or something I don't there's a thousand story Some little black gate kid was saying

Oh no I see Shugger Run him over Pull the fucking car Run him over again He ran over two people. Then he really run out of two. One died and one's alive. All right.

So now we should be good. All right. There's Lee Sayanan. Here we go. You want to take one? Yeah, let's do it. What's up, my brother? Yo.

Yo. What's up? What's up? What's up? You bad motherfuckers. I love you, cock suckers. I love you, motherfucker.

It's the wolf. What's up? What are you calling from? Wolf. What's up? He's calling from Englewood. Engelwood. Oh, shit.

Well, you can just fucking walk here. You know that. Why are you calling? Well, you can just walk up here. Cog suck. Everything, all right. No, I love it. You just woke me up with the fucking pink boy.

Oh, shit. Let me like this one. Yeah, yeah, it's time. I don't give a fuck. What time is. Get up. Fuck Tuesday. Let's do the heroin.

Yeah, fuck Tuesday. Fuck Tuesday. Let me use the bathroom, Lee. It's all over. Let me use the bathroom, Lee. Let me borrow a spoon. A leftover one. A little one.

What's going on, Bremo, what's going on in your world? Talk to me, Papa. All right, all right, just getting it together this year. You know, you guys really inspired me. What was that? Around the New Year's, you know, Christmas, those two shows really touched me. So I've been out and about getting around, you know,

getting out that safety zone. I was talking to you about it a little bit. But, yeah, man, ever since then, a lot of things have been working good. You know, it's funny. I went to a concert the other day. I didn't have $1 in my pocket, and I ended up with $80 just for going out.

So, I mean, I owe it to you. You guys for just, like, getting me out there. You know, I don't live too far from Hollywood, but... You know what it happens on the couch is that change in the ones? It's a headache. You know how LATE can be. I fucking hear you, brother. But that's the only thing that happens on that couch.

You get quarters in the cushions. You're not looking for quarters. You're looking for fucking dollars. saying so he could slain that's right so he could stack chips like Hebrews like Lisa yeah bad motherfucker what else is going on where you should night you see him down there

what happened what's actually I was driving by when that happened I was over there at Cam's burger super close to where I'm at I'm like two blocks away from that shit so I saw him fucking swerved the fuck out of there he backed up ran him over backed up and did it again

motherfucker on one or something But I saw that he turned himself in, too, on TMZ or some shit. Yeah, but he's out already, right? No, he might be out, but he's already on trial for, like, 30 years for stealing that camera. That's like Manwater automatically. Well, no, not even that, but the camera one with Cat Williams? What? He's already on trial.

He should have revoked his fucking bail. Then they might still be in there then. Yeah, I don't know if he got out of. He probably did have that bond because he had about like $3 million or something like that or something. I read something on there. and he, like, had $3 million, so he probably got that bail money. That's fucking crazy that. What did he...

I was driving right there. The bail was pulling. It was like in Gardena. They were filming the NWA movie. So the bail was pulled? Yeah, it was pulled, yeah. So post it, so he's out? No, it was revoked.

How much was the bail? It was revoked. $2.2 million, but it was revoked. No shit. So he's in jail? Yeah. Wow. For murder and fucking Cochran and,

and, fuck. fucking, uh, Kodarsian, the, fucking Robert Kardashian is dead. Who in the fuck gonna represent this guy? Let me ask you this. What did the Tupac thing go down? 97? Was Tupac died? 98?

996. Jesus. Jesus. 96. In Vegas. 17 years later, whatever the fuck it is, right? 19 years later. It was, uh, 19 years later.

It was, uh, 97 that they did Biggie in over here over in the rampart. I was at the comedy store when Biggie got shot. Wow. I remember both of the house. Yeah, I was at the comedy store. which is really clear. I bet it was a crazy night. I always drive past that Peterson Museum.

I always find myself driving past that fucking Peterson Museum. It's very fucking interesting. Well, I love you, Cock Sucker, for calling. All right, brother. Don't forget, hey, bro, listen. I love you too, man. Thank you for doing what you're doing, man. From the bottom of my heart, I like that.

You're just getting up and getting out of that. Nothing happens at the house. Yeah, yeah. Fuck the house. No, exactly. You know, where you live, you sit there and feel, And I want all the other listeners to know that, you know, just try it, you know. Don't be scared to leave the house, get out and do something.

It's working for me. You know, Columbus took a chance, motherfuckers. That's right, motherfucker. The sun's shining on you. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Have a great night, brother. I love you with all my heart. Likewise.

Thank you. Thank you. See, later. Bye, buddy. Bye. He got charged with murder, attempted murder, and he's facing life in prison because of all his convictions. If they revoke his bail.

Yeah, he's in there. Yeah, if he's in, he can now. That's it. Hey, man, it took 17 fucking years to get him in there. Who's next? All right. Yo. Uncle Joey.

What's up, baby boy? This is Benny Riley coming, calling from Southern California. Oh, shit. Everybody's calling from California. I love it. What's happening? Baby, where are you at? You're home, we're out.

car you get your dick suck actually i had to turn it up in the attic today and uh you know just for the show and made a little smoke session of myself and you know finally got through so thank you very much for calling my brother what's your name again brent oh no this is ben riley ben riley i think california ben riley i think you said brent riley what's going on you're sus in the attic at a party by yourself you bad motherfucker that's how we do it one with you guys you know let me ask you something Do you live at home? Absolutely. Yes, sir.

And what are your mom think you're doing up in that fucking attic? Shit, I don't know. I'm just trying to be quiet, so you don't hear me. Now, how many times have you smoked up in the attic? Oh, shit. I'm doing by the bulls and probably about half a gram so far. No, no. How many years have you been smoking in the attic for?

How long? Oh, well, I don't know. I mean, just, you know, whenever I could do it. Okay, so once in a while, I don't know. When the time is right? Has I ever reaped into the downstairs? It kind of, it gets to the ventilation sometimes, and I think they're kind of used to it by now.

Because, you know, my parents don't smoke, but, yeah, it's cool, though. It's cool, though. So they know what the wiffa smells like? Yeah, they know what it smells like, for sure. Yeah, they've been on the block. I used to fucking have an attic. I used to take my buddies up there, right?

And we'd smoke, like, let's say, 27 joints. We get like, we get like 25 hours worth of pot, and we roll up 32 joints. Like, that was a deal. Like, if you got 32 joints out of 25 bucks, you could sell seven joints and get $7 back. That was your thinking when you were 13 and 14. Oh, yeah.

We would go upstairs and nobody was allowed to leave. There'd be five of us in the room. How many would you smoke? 25 fucking joints. Oh, my God. From like two to like six. And there'd be a cloud up there with the air conditioning. And finally one day after my mom died years later

I was talking to my stepdad In the middle of conversation he goes I want to show you something And he took a box And in that box There had to be thousands of fucking roaches Oh that's a star And he goes you didn't even have the fucking etiquette To throw him away

You threw him behind your dresser He goes it took me a whole fucking day to pick him up I could not believe how long were you smoking for? And I didn't know, you know, like, that's how long I got away with it for in that fucking attic. That's why it's interesting to me that, you know. What do you do for work, Zazam? Actually, I live in Stockton, but I work as a pool chemist over in Sacramento at a water park.

Look at you, you bad, motherfucker. You work here, right? Pretty much, yeah. There's a, you know, a few months out of the winter where, you know, there's some time off. But, yeah, I'm about to get it started back up pretty soon here. You get any little fucking red shorts. son, with your little chemistry set, you fucking throw the water.

You shake that motherfucker up. If the P.8s is fine, no pubic hair. Kids jump in, fuck it. It's warm piss out of the boat. Hopefully no cute. It's warm piss with salt water and stuff. You ever step on cum when it's in the bottom? Sometimes combs in your,

sometimes you have a pre-com. They make you take a shower at the pool, right? But you take a shower at the pool. You got your bikini on. So you don't really watch that pre-com. around your jizz helmet, right? You just walk around with Precum constantly on your dick? If you wake up with one of the

shower, I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about the most Americans. They're like, fuck it. I'm going to go to the pool. I might as well just jump in there and take a shower. I don't think precombe just leaks out around most people. No, but it just sits around your chisham hole. And the fucking... Chisham hole. Your little chisham hole, and then you fucking drop

to the bottom of the pool and then just collagulates down there like a jellyfish. You never been in the pool and you feel like you have like a, you ran into a coral leaf. It's really, it's really your pick up. Yeah, man, I just, you know, I wanted to call the, you know, to show me a love for the church and diehard, you know, fan, religious, you know, religious listener. And, you know, I just want to shout out to you guys. Thanks for, you know, hitting the fans back up. Always keeping it real, you know.

And, you know, we always appreciate it. Yeah, man. Keep doing your thing, guys. I love you. Thank you very much for calling for smoking dope in your attic. You took me back for five minutes, bro. I love you at all my heart. Thank you.

All right, Uncle Joey. All right, my brother. All right, Lee. Steve. See ya. Hi, buddy. It's fucking great. I love these people.

I love these motherfucketting. What, Lee? Like, a sponsor was ever, like, worried about content. What they would think about that discussion? What discussion? fucking the cum or I don't think I'm so hard I forget we were just talking about but yeah you chisholm hole oh the chisholm hole

I think I wonder what they think about that conversation Paul Lula Plus complain what I give a fuck what I give a fuck What the fuck you call bitch This is freedom of speech, the Constitution This is why podcast are fucking great What's cracking my brother? Am I in here? You know who you are

Don't fucking hide, cucketucker I got your number I'll send you 10 pizzas What's happening Primo? Everything all right over there My brother Uncle Joey

How much I love you guys I love you too man Come on here Steve Simone's here We love you brother We ain't fucking around We got a nice grue for you On a Monday night

Very mellow No fakeness Nobody's a genius Nobody wants to fucking tell you What the earthways It's Monday night Smoke a bomb And scratch your balls

It's past midnight. I'm called from the East Coast. I got a 904 Jacksonville number, but I live in Fort Lauderdale. All right. I ain't mad at you. Look at you. Jacksonville,

but you live in Fort Lauderdale down there. So you move from the fucking Mandarin down there to that fucking hard rock cafe where Steve Simone resides. I saw you live. Uncle Joey, front row. That's right, my brother. Steve Simone has like three residences.

Over here, Florida, and fucking Denham. now. He was just there for three weeks. I'll be back down there. They wanted me to go back in March, but I just couldn't. There was too many weeks put together, my brother. So I'm trying to put... You killed it down here, Uncle Joe. No, we saw you the last show on a Saturday night. You did amazing. No, we did a good time.

We had a good time down there. You know I love you crazy motherfuckers now. You said my girlfriend looks like she starts dick with an action. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. She's nice looking then. She's very decent. You're like, you're killing me, man. You brought a nice girl to the front,

but you still put as part of the show. I thought it was great. Nah, man, you know, we fucking around, though. Amazing times. Well, I'm happy you're fucking up, and I'm happy. What kind of work do you do, Papa? Well, here's the deal, and here's one of the main reason I'm calling, and I'm glad that Steve's actually on the show,

because I know that back in the day, Steve, and the Flying Dew there had their own little show, and from all you guys, you guys inspired me to follow my dreams. I was in 802 security for 13 years, the big alarm company. Yeah. And I'm going, I resigned two weeks ago. I started my own company, not in a long business, but they actually have to do with Twitter and social media for small businesses.

So I'm going for it, man. I cashed out some of my savings and starting my own thing and grinding down here. God bless you, bro. You're living the American dream. You know what? You're going to do well. You're going to do fucking well fast also because, Everybody needs help with Twitter and Facebook.

Yep, let's face it. The future. So many momos, as you would say, Uncle Joey, that just have no idea what the hell they're doing. And all their competition I saw that are active on social media and there's so many other good restaurants and other places that aren't represented well on there. So I saw a big opportunity in that industry.

I think that's a great opportunity. That's a great idea. I think a restaurant, I believe that to be alive in 2015, as a business, you have to be on every social outlet, and if you have to pay somebody to tweet for you. Yeah, you got to do it.

Listen, just because I could tweet, I can't fix a fucking bicycle. Like, if my bicycle chain broke, I got to call fucking... Larry the boyfriend. I got to fucking Johnny Schwinn. You know, I don't know how to change all in the car. We all can't be good at everything.

Right. We all can't be good at everything. For years, I didn't use MySpace to my advantage. I didn't know that you could put out there to go fuck yourself and sniff my fuck. fucking nuts. I never do. So I applaud you, brother. I'm happy that, I think about that every day. I think about what day an American says, I'm not doing this anymore. This is great.

And how many people don't get the chance to do what you're doing? To get up in the morning and say, you know what, bro, I'm not doing this no more. I'm going to try working for myself. And I'm going to suffer. I'm going to suffer for a year, but I'm going to take my savings. Two nights a week, I'm going to eat ramen. Yep. I'm a 69 with my girlfriend during halftime so I have to pay for fucking Netflix. And you know how it is, brother?

And you do it. And next thing you know, it's your own creation. And next thing you know, you're doing it for five years and your subletting work because you've got too much fucking work. And you've already made a half a mill

and somebody's offered to buy the company from it. It's just amazing what it does. And so many people, so many Americans are scared to make that little fucking adjustment for years. It was scary. I'm not going to say it's not, man. No.

No, everything is fucking scary. Dog, for anybody to grow, it's going to be fucking scary. Planning simple. You're not going to go from point A to point B without being fucking scared. Whether it's a fucking car ride, whether it's a fucking car ride, because some car rides are slow, and some of them are fucking fast. You know, bro, you have to live for that. Everybody wants to go to Great Adventure.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. I got the day on their rides. I went down the biggest roller coaster. But you're sitting in a fucking job. like a fucking mumbo taking orders from a loser from a fucking loser and God forbid the guy fucking dies you're gonna take his job

and you're probably gonna make $40,000 $50,000 a year and you still got a fucking answer to some fucking cunt in Florida that doesn't have anything to do with it and at the end you know what they give you a fucking gold watch not even and you move on and you live your life and now you got to fight Social Security for a fucking

pension so you know what man at 52 I'm really happy I did what I did because you're going to die Anyway, at least die doing what the fuck you love. Or at least something that you believe in. That's so big. How many fucking people, Steve Simone, after you discovered comedy,

that you realize you're so happy that you discovered your calling. Absolutely. This might be, bro, in two years, you might have 18 people working for you. Do you know that, bro? That's your goal. Do you know that, bro?

In a year, you can have 12 people working for you. I've seen it in that. media. So, bro, God bless you. I love you. Thank you for giving us love and support us. I appreciate it. You guys keep up the good work. I love you, motherfucker. That's what I'm talking about. This is the family. Fuck fans. I don't want no fucking fans, bro.

You want to be a fan? Go jump up and down with these fucking, go jump up and down. There's a family. We're going to take over this motherfucker. Trust me. This state of mind is the only state of mind to have. Suck my dick. I'm going for it. If not, I'm getting a shotgun, and I'll turn this motherfucker to zombie land.

tell you one thing, man. I was born in Columbia, but my parents moved to New Jersey when I was five. I was raised to New Jersey until I was 16 years old, man. Where at? You touch home on a lot of things that you touch on. Where'd you grow up, Papa? It's just amazing that I came across you many years ago.

Lee Shia, you're amazing as well, man. I'm glad that you two hooked up. Thank you. Simone, one of greatest storytellers in the industry. We got it. We got it. I feel blessed that I'm on the air right now. Oh, I'm blessed that I'm on the air, fucking with you. We could be in Israel, sucking cock, getting fucked in the ass by midgets and shit,

talking foreign languages. I don't like that. Are those are only two options? I love you, buddy. There's already only two options. I love you, buddy. Thank you for calling. Thank you.

At one billion. Love you guys. Love you guys. Oh, my God. That's great. Those are the only two options. Either you're in this podcast or you're getting fucked in the ass by midgets in Israel. Oh, man.

You know, everybody talks about being an American. That's what being an American is. It's one day going, you know what? I can do it. I really enjoyed myself moving couches for you. I really did. I learned how to take the doors off the handle. Yep.

I learned how to fucking paint. I learned how to do this. But right now, I want to go try this for myself. Fuck, you got to fail. I might fail. Yep. I might fail. But I'll never fucking know unless I'm doomed to fail.

I was supposed to fail. We're all supposed to fail. Yep. But, you know, sometimes you just picked up an extra couch and somebody liked you. and they said to you know what and then here you are here you are now moving 18 couches a fucking day at $50 a couch six days a week God bless you brother where's the call oh no I was just gonna say I heard a pretty cool

like a discussion the other day about the difference between people who write checks and the people who cash checks and it's kind of cool like it just I it was just that quick it was somewhere on ESPN I think it was something about like owners getting less of a punishment than players but I just like that statement really Yeah, it's a great way to look at it. People who write checks are better, like, just don't have the same thing as people who cash checks.

That's what I love you because you're picking notes. I'm trying. All right, let's take the... No, no, no. What's up, my brother? Jolly Deek. What's up, brother? What's going on?

Where the fuck you've been? Man, I'm in here listening to you, uncle. I'm over here waiting on you to call two fucking hours. Lee, Lee, get it together. He was supposed to call an hour ago. He's got their fucking magic potion. Where are you calling from, where you call it from?

What are you calling from, my brother? Man, right now I'm stationed up in Berkeley, California. Oh, shit. Look at you up there. What are you doing up there? Yeah, I'm a SoCal native, man. Okay. But, all right, two things to my call here.

First, got to get it out of the way. Steve Simone, what's going on, man? How are you, buddy? What's up, buddy? What's going on, guys? Hey, you guys, I fucking love the show, man. Every morning, every Monday, Wednesday, catch the morning, catch it at night, whatever it is, man.

Listen to the old school one. I love it all, man. Wow. And a big thing, Joey, when you tell everybody, when you say tell them all fucking suck your dick in the morning, that shit really translates to a lot of aspects in my life. It fucking does. Thank you.

Go ahead, Joey. No, I'm just saying that I want people to feel that. I want people to wake up, and we all have this fucking doubt in the morning. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate it. If that doubt was to beat us, we wouldn't be. we'd be homeless. We'd be on a disability.

We'd be really fucking fat. And I'm on a schooler and having our nephews push us around. With that little fat fucking retarded head. So I just want to get everybody to say, fuck that doubt. Because, dog, I get it every morning. Every morning I want to stay in bed like everybody else. And say, fuck this and fuck that and let them evict me.

But something inside of you. So that's the way I have to translate it to myself. You got to get up, grab your balls, wash that pussy good, and tell everybody to suck your dick. But it's your lucky day, dog. It's your lucky day. Fuck, you at the liquor store. Every morning when I wake up, dog, I feel like I got the winning lottery ticket.

Somewhere in my body, in my mind, I have an idea, a thought, something. We have the winning lottery ticket every morning when we wake up. I don't care how bad your fucking life is, bro. Even when I was in prison, I had that fucking mentality. I got the winning. recipe today. The recipe is to smile all day. To smile. Get yourself

to fucking smile all day. That's number one. Because if you get to yourself to smile, the rest of the day is easy. And trust me, I got a hard day smile all day too. You know what I'm saying? I got like calling people cock suckers. Look at these chink fuck. Cut me off. You know, we all get fucking mad. But

that smile really does, man. Even when I was coked up, I always tried to be a little pleasant. myself every morning. So thank you for understanding where I'm coming from, Papa. Hey, real quick, Joey. I hear you always dropping knowledge

on old school sports, fucking Earl the Pearl, John Hadlichick. I'm a big basketball fan, man. What do you know? I've never heard you talk about this publicly. Well, maybe you know something, and if you don't, you fucking have to. Pistol Pete Marevich. Bad motherfucker was raised

by his father. Let me tell you something. In today's world, they would have thrown Pistol Pete's father in jail. But, He created a fucking tremendous. Bro, he wouldn't let him come in the house. He fucking beat him with sticks and fucking make him do figure eights of basketball, standing on the milk crate,

were balanced on one hand. That's why Pistol Pete became one of the fucking, that's what they call that thing, the Maravits drill. Pistol Pete was an alcoholic. That was the other, you know, he had demons for growing up, but his father made him shoot, you know,

6,000 free throws a day in the cold winter. Jerry Westall. This is Jerry Westall's shit. Jerry West started the day off with 300 jump shots a day. Tomorrow morning, go get a ball and try to do 300 jump shots. Not shots, jump shots. From base up with the hand extension. You don't be able to walk for a fucking month.

You do 300 fucking jump shots in the day. Wow. But one of my early influences was Pistol P. His downfall was, he shot too fucking much. So if you look at his percentage, shooting percentage, you know, he shot 50 times a fucking game because he was at the new he was a jazz wasn't he a jazz when they were new orleans because that was where he was from Louisiana he went down he was like a hometown state like a he's one of those kids that's homegrown that became a star

so he went to a school in louisiana he went to LSU and then he played for the jazz son boy and he must have to love him and he was a great fucking white player man but he was a drunk and uh yeah if you watch if you go to YouTube and type in red on round ball and they'll have an episode of John of Pistol Pete dribbling doing dribbling drills Look it up Lee, see if it's there. What the fuck? What is it called?

Let's just see what I guess. Red on roundball? Lee, you're slipping, man. I know he's slipping, he's been slipping all night. Give me 40 milligrams of stars in Zee-Whorting. 40. Shit. You're lucky if you got 40 times.

All right, guys. Thanks for letting me call in. Thanks for me talking. Hold on. I'm checking this out for you, dog. Where the fuck you're going? Oh, my bad. My bet.

No, stay. Stick around. Hey, but you know a quick story about his dad, what I heard. He wanted to go off a quarterback team, right? Before we pay. Yeah, yeah, we're planning. We're running. I told you, Pistol Peters on YouTube.

The hands are extended. This is Pete Mowrovich. Told you. Who the fucking thing you're dealing with G? You got an old school hoops to head, dog. Also playing with the New Orleans jazz. Told you. Who the fucking thing you're dealing with motherfuckers?

Notice the wrist. Notice the hand. I knew it, man. I knew you had some pistol people. All right, go to Red Out Round Ball on YouTube tonight and send me a fucking tweet. I love you, cocksucker. Thank you for calling in.

See, I know fucking Pistol P. All right, man. All right, stay black, my brother. I would never have guessed that Pistol Pete was white. Yeah. I love the fucking guy. He was one of my dribbling idols. These fucking pet.

This fucking Lisa, I don't know. You want to take another call? Yeah, we'll take another call? Yeah, we'll take another call? taking calls. It's early. He ain't going nowhere. The stores closed. The Chinese restaurants.

He hung up on me. He answered the phone. What are you going to do? Hang up sometime. What's going on, what's going on here? What's going on here? What's going on here,

cocksuckers? Hey, what's going on, guys? Turn the volume off. It's Jonas. It's fucking Jonas out here in Vegas. What's up, Jonas? What's up, Jonas? How are you, sir?

Man, it's good to see the three you guys together on the show tonight. Come on, dog. It's a beautiful fucking night to be alive. We're over here, Stone to the Gills. We're about to drop another star of debt. How's it going over there, Jonas? Oh, good, good, man. Just staying late here at the store, just to catch the shows before I head home.

That's about it, man. That's nothing exciting in Vegas. All right. Well, at least you're in fucking Vegas. That's it. You're going home. It's 10 o'clock. You're tapping out on me, Jonas.

You're not going to go take some... Oh, yeah, man. You're not going to go fucking Warren Sappah hookah? Fucking Warren Sapp. That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. What the fuck did he do? I don't know. I just add, do you know anything about football?

Do they not want to pay him? Jonas, do you know anything about football? Yeah, a little bit, but I don't follow it like I used to, man. I know. I know. He got trouble off the NFL. I know who... Yeah, he got fired.

Tell us why. Give us the story. He was... All I know... All I know is some shit with some prostitute, allegedly. I believe that's the legal way that you say it. He solicited prostitutes, but for some... He did something where the prostitutes went and got the cops.

I don't know what kind of prostitute gets the cops, so he must have done something bad. Yeah, he... Yeah, yeah, he hit her. Oof. Oh, and he's married with kids and shit. He's fucking telling some lies tonight, Doug. He's with the NFL network at the Super Bowl,

which is the biggest football game ever. He couldn't just get a girl. Why do you have to go beat up a hooker? Because that's what's down there is fucking dirty, filthy hookers. The best hookers from all over the country get together. And they fly in for that.

They charge exuberance amount for good pussy. They blow smoking your asshole and they fucking brush their teeth with your fucking cum quat, whatever the fuck they want to do. You ever get a chick to brush their teeth with your comely?

That's what you know the freak ice. When you shoot a fucking load on the tube brush. Do you put it on to the toothbrush? Just like that. No, brother. their teeth is shining they say 400 what's going on here brother I'm sorry to talk to me my brother what's happening I got a more story when are you guys coming out again we'll be there we'll be back in South Point Memorial Day

weekend that's how we fucking roll I don't know Steve Simone's available but he's always available he's always got a place with me and my heart oh at least I had'll be there playing the drums but what happened brother Simone, I've been catching your podcast, man. Some good stuff. I've been listening from the beginning and trying to catch up. Oh, thank you so much, Jonas. Thank you.

It's some good stuff. The thing with Piper was great, and you've had a lot of good ones, man. I just want to say seriously, thank you, man, for all the podcasts from all you guys. Wow, thank you. Jonas, I love you, Coxuck. I'll see you Memorial Day weekend.

Give me a hug, and I'll give you a Cheeber Chee. Come up to me in my ear, and I'll give you a Cheebo, Joe. And I'll give you a Cheebochu. roll. I thought you, I was on my first one ever, and that was a fucking a nice ride. This one was it a 70 milligram or 180?

Ooh. Oh, man, you got to ask the local what he gave me, and it was a gift for my nephew who came in from Cali, and God damn, that I didn't fucking pick you for a ride. We're going to bring you a 180, so you see the devil in his cousin. Well, that'll be easy to do here in Vegas, man. All right on, thanks, thank you, my brother. Thank you. Thank you very much for calling.

What's that? My pleasure, man. Take care you. Bye. What's up, Lee? What are you looking for? I'm looking for an email. There's no emails.

What's the calls? Okay. Jesus Christ. No, I didn't even put you guys to hang out. I love you, God suckles. They hung up. Here we go. There we go.

What's going on over there? Yo, Joe. Yo, what the fuck you've been up over here? Wait for the call. Where did you been, Doug? Well, I can't believe I finally got through to you guys, man. I'm just watching the podcast here. I just got off of work about an hour ago, man.

It's surreal talking to you guys, you know. Where are you at, my brother? Yeah, I'm in Fresno, man. Oh, sure. Okay, what kind of work you do, but, man? I work at a cell phone shop, bro. Look at you. What kind of phones you fix?

No, we cell phones. I work for Sprint. Look at you. That's all you had to fucking say. I got Sprint. Who the fucking thing you're doing the way? I don't mind. I've been with you.

since 2004. I'm loyal as fuck when I got my first big check from Spider-Man 2. That's why I went. I went to Sprint with no credit and they gave me $200 limit.

They cut my phone off a couple times over a quarter here, a dollar there. But we've been straight for about 12 years now. We got no drama and I'm a faithful fucking follow the sprint. I've been on a plane and the phone rings. Wow. I've been to the plane

a thousand feet in the end. The phone is wrong. Wow. When I answer it, there's nobody there. But it gets up there. Sprint don't fuck around, Jack. Maybe I'll switch you over. I've been in fucking deep places in the mountains of Kentucky, Paduca. And you give me two or three minutes of my sprint fucking work.

So take me a little bit of so. But that motherfucker reaches out. They got those Martians, Sprint Martians. Sprint don't fuck around here. And what else do you do besides cell phones over there? Nothing much, man. I just, at Fresdough, there's not much to do. here. I mean, I remember you were

telling the story where you came in, you did a show here, you said you almost got mugged by some black dudes. Oh, my God. It was scary as shit. That's what we used to do. The coach of the high school, he used to produce shows there. The coach of the football coach, he's a black coach. A sweetheart of the guy.

Sweetheart of a guy. I last spoke to him about six years ago. He was trying to branch out. He was doing shows down like, what those things when they trade fucking things? Flea Market Swamp Me? Yeah, swap meets.

He wanted to do a show to swap meet and shit. I'm going to drop you off at the fucking... Yeah. Fresno is a really weird place, man. You hear a lot about, you know, it's like the mess capital. You know, they say it's one of the poorest cities in the country. It's a strange place.

But I have grown up here. You know, I'm from L.A. I have family that still lives down there. And I try to visit as much as I can. Now, I would love it if you would be able to make a show down here. I don't think we have much of a comedy scene. What's close to Fresno? What's the next to Fresno?

Bakersfield. Bakerstville, yeah. I know they do a lot of shows down there like Bakersfield, like Salary area sometimes too. All right, we'll do something for you. We'll do a nice podcast combination show up there. Yeah, I've seen you live before, though. I went to a Joe Rogan show in San Jose at the improv back in 2008,

and you opened for him, I think it was U, Ari. you open for him and it's a funny story about that show you know it was my first time going to a comedy show I was so excited to just you know just to see the show and I ended up locking my freak keys in the car

and I luckily enough I left my I left my window like cracked a little bit so I had to like what I did is I MacGivered my I used my my radio antenna from my car to like jig

my um to jig my key lock loose so i ended up getting you know my door open and still uh getting my keys and making it time for the show so and it was a killer show man you uh and a r e open for joe and then seen joe was just you know it was a it was a whole ordeal well thank you my brother we try to fucking give you some anarchy yeah man it was wild at lees having a nervous breakdown Lee Syatt is having a nervous breakdown. While you were telling me that story, he was thinking about something, closing his eyes,

thinking about food, going, no, I'm going to go back to 24-hour fitness and two in the morning. We're going to eat another piece of star here. You and Lee, every time I'm going to the podcast,

you know, hearing the interaction that you guys have, you know, just hearing Lee giggle, you know, he gets, you get Lee, you get Lee high enough for everybody.

pretty much there's a milligram to go around Lee's a fucking good man brother thank you very much for calling in and for listening and for the love you know that we fucking love you guys we love you guys so much I love you motherfuckers

thank you papa have a good night be safe and I'll see you in San Jose or Bakersfield soon all right man my brother I forgot what the fuck the poor kids from that's our house Fresno Fresno Bakers Field

what's up Lee How are you feeling, brother? What were you thinking about? I'm really fucked up. That's okay. You're fucked up everything. Yeah. Imagine tonight not being fucked up?

Yeah, it would be nice. Right now, tonight you're living in fear. You're like, oh, watch a movie, rub your feet. Oh, yeah. Who's better than you? No one. Nobody. What the fuck you're scared up?

I'm not scared. You got nothing to fear, nothing. No man, no nothing. You'll leave motherfucking sciat. Hell yeah. Get the fucking glow. Get it together. Okay.

What's up Steve Simone? Love and life. Me too. What's that? What's up? What the fuck? What's happening, brother? That's Uncle Joey.

You know I love you. I'm so stuck right now, man. Where are you calling from? Where are you calling from? Hey, I'm calling from Las Vegas, big dog. Look at you, you bad motherfucker in the city that don't sleep number two. That's right. That's right all day.

What's got to be, buddy up in the house. Look at you, OG Randy. I talked to you on Twitter the other day. I just want to tell you, I appreciate you. I appreciate you. I appreciate that. Of course, man. What do we talk about?

Hey, I just told you I appreciate you being on the podcast. Oh, yeah, thank you, man. I appreciate you doing what you do. Well, thank you, man. You know? It's a lot of fun talking, but no, thank you, man. I appreciate that. Man, I can't believe I got through.

I'm over here like a fucking crack feet on payday, dude. What do you do for a living, my brother? What do you do over there in Vegas? Man, I ain't go lie, dude. I tattooed sell weed out the house, you know, pay that child support like a boss. Okay. You know? That's great.

I ain't bad that you're going to be around Memorial Day weekend. Hey, I'll tell you what. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to be at the South Point. I saw your fucking website, and I'm going to be at the South Point. I'm going to be wearing a Joey fucking Diaz t-shirt. You're going to see me up there at the South Point. Rocking that family like a ball.

All right, that's why I love you, man. So that's all you do? That's it. You just hustle and Vegas, my brother? Hey, man, I do whatever I can do. I don't give a fuck you want me to pick weeds. I don't give a shit. I'll fucking do whatever I got to do

and put fucking food on my family's plate. Nothing wrong with that, my brother. It's tough. It's tough out there for a pimp. Hey, it's hard out here for a pamp. You know? It really is, my brother. Hey, I want to tell you something, man.

Hey, you inspire me to do a lot of things, man. I'm going to tell you right now. You got me to quit smoking cigarettes. I just stick to the weed. I do what I'm supposed to do. Be the dad that I'm supposed to be. Much respect to you, your missus and mercy and everybody that you have on the podcast,

all the comedians, everybody. I love all that motherfuckers. You know, we try real hard to put. this together for your people. I try real hard with Lee and I, we talk 10 times a day on how we're going to make this show the best we can make it, man.

You know? And you know what? Someone like me, it really reaches out to people like me, man. I'm going to tell you straight up. It really does. It really does. And to get on this podcast right now, this is like a dream come true. This is like a little fucking a mini dream. Fuck Disneyland. I want to be on Joey G. G.S. Foxx.

Oh, gee. Hey, man. There ain't no measles here, motherfucker. You know what you're saying? You won't Get measles calling. Listen, man, when Lee and I put this together, I always wanted people to get something out of it. I could be funny on stage. I wanted you to feel me. I wanted people to know that, uh, that, you know what, man, I ain't better than you motherfuckers.

Not by nobody. And I robbed. I stole. I had fucked up thoughts. But you know what? They hide. They tell us we can't do it. You know, they tell us.

It's like God, man. It's like God testing you, you know? And we really want to get to that point because in our heart, you know, you, you know, you, You see about these people who are millionaires, they don't help nobody. If I had a million dollars, I would help everybody I could. Everybody I could because who gives a fuck? What are you going to do with me? Who gives a fuck anymore?

I've seen what life is about. And when I walk around, I see people hurt, you know, my friend called today. She lost her job. It breaks my fucking, all I want to do is have money so we can cut it up. Give it away, yeah. And fucking eat and fucking get our dicks up with it during the halftime, whatever the fuck they're supposed to do. That's right, man.

People know that even if you're a felon, whatever the fuck house you came from, you could do whatever the fuck you want in this country. That's why it's the United States of America. But somebody always puts this thing in our mind that we can't do it. Like we ain't good enough. And we're right there. We're right there with these motherfuckers. They ain't no better than us.

Obama ain't better than you, dog. These motherfuckers put their pants on one leg of the fucking time. And that's what I've been saying from the beginning of this podcast. Fuck these motherfuckers that say, you're not going to do this. you're not going to do this. Watch me. Watch my motherfuckett fucking smoke. Watch me.

Watch my fucking smoke. Motherfucker. Fuck you. I'm going to do this shit. You know why I'm going to do this shit? Not only for myself, I'm going to do this because fucking Joey Diaz put me on the motherfucking map. And that's the way I fucking look at.

You put yourself on the map, bitch. You put yourself on the mat. When you're at the fucking supermarket in Las Vegas, Joey ain't there with you. You're there by yourself. Don't you ever fucking forget that. You're like fucking. You're like fucking.

Batman after Robin came out of the closet. You know what I'm saying? That's who you are. You're like Batman when Robin said fucking. I don't know if you know. It's over. There ain't nobody's sitting in this seat. If anybody's coming,

the boat is coming from now on. I love you, my brother. Keep doing your struggle, bro. Stay black. You're going to see me at the fucking goddamn South Point. We're going to come. Dog, I don't give a fucking. We don't have money for a chicken.

Please give me a hug, and we're going to love you to the day we do. die. And if I ever get a million dollars, you best believe I'm going to come to the room. I'm going to buy you a fucking sizzler steak. I love it. Because that's how ghetto motherfuckers do it. That's right. I'll shit blood, but I'll love you to the end.

Damn right. Damn right. Much respect to you guys. You too, my brother. You're doing your thing. Fucking much love. Rand dog in the fucking house. Always. Doing your thing. Appreciate you answering my phone call.

And y'all have a good night, man. Stay black and beautiful. That's right. fucking tremendous. You motherfuckers want to make me go out now. That's why I said to you. Love. That what we'll put together is our own little family.

It's not about buying a t-shirt. It's not about taking a picture. I don't care if you don't have money for this show. I don't care if you even come see me live. If you just listen to the podcast and take that, nobody can stop you. Yes. You're the only one who can stop you, dog.

This is shit is easy. You can make this shit easy. Fuck these cunts. They just put shit in your head that you can. But get the fuck out of here. What's up with the country? calls. Nobody's calling them? Yeah, we got calls, but you're having a moment with them. I had no fucking

moment. Do you feel like a national anthem? No, an national anthem. This is the anthem right now. We did dogs already. Put them on. What the fuck. What's happening? Why are you hanging up on? Why are you doing? What's going on? Uncle Joey? What's up, man? What's up, my brother? There you are. It's good to hear for you, man. I'm here in Phoenix, Arizona. Oh, look at you. You bad, motherfucker.

I love you. I'll be down in April. I'm just hanging out. You know, a Cuban Mexican out here fucking Phoenix Okay That's from Nevada He's in Marilito You know what I'm saying man

Look at you He came into 79 I ain't And for what you do for us Like all the viewers And shit man It's crazy Dude like

To see Like he changed my perspective Well bro I'm happy you're getting something out of it Brother Yeah In 1985 I believe He lived in L.A.

For like five years He came out here in Phoenix. Knocked your mom up. You know, you really just changed my perspective and how you approach everything in such a positive way. You know, it really inspires me to say, like, I don't give a fuck, you know. I'm just going to live my life and do what I got to do. I don't care anymore.

I just appreciate what you guys do. It's your world, baby. You know, I've been watching every opportunity I get. You know, it's great. And listen, man, that's what we're here for. How are you going to do you guys? ain't shit going on. I just, I'm very lucky Steve Simone came on

to give us some love. I'm feeling the love. And fucking Lee's here and we figure we get high and it's a Monday, it's the first Monday at a month. And I always like doing something on Mondays. I really like waking people up on Monday. So fuck, let's do a little calling show. I try to do it at 8. I'm a younger

viewer. I'm like, you know, 21, but, you know, you really put life into perspectives, you know, and it has been really helping me. Wow. You know, I don't want to do with some people say to me now. You know, I'm going to do what I do, do what I love.

You know, stay here with my family and my friends. That's all it's about, man. Doing what you love. It doesn't get no better than that. At the end of the week, when you're 50, you're going to go, I'm happy I made that choice. Yep. You know? Yeah, I mean, and the positivity, it's overwhelming at times, but, you know, that's what makes the world go around, dude.

I appreciate you. guys very much i appreciate that you appreciate it you know i got you by 30 fucking years and we're having a conversation about life so how good is that it's beautiful i don't know you you don't know me but we're having a conversation we have this conversation twice a week and i take from you guys and you guys take from me and i take from lee and i take from simone and we all just get together and we're trying to make better that's all we want to do man it just be a little better every week this week i did one more push up that's it that's it why do people think that that's bad.

This week I did one more fucking push-up. My God, that means at the end of the year you're going to do 52 fucking push-ups. But last year, you couldn't do a push-up. Now you're doing 104 fucking push-ups. Wow. Yeah, it's all about how you look at it, man. You just got to look at the fucking face and say,

you're not going to fucking tell me what to do. No. I'm going to do what I do. It's so weird how I learned from you guys, man. So thank you from all my heart. And hopefully I'll see you in a next. April and if you don't have the money to come, hit me up, and if you at least come down and give me a...

What day is that in April? You know, I don't have the date in front of me. It's April. I'm in Tempe. April, I'm in Tempe, and I think I'm in Houston, so... That's great. I think. I think I'm... No, I'm going to try to make it out there. Definitely, man. All right, brother. I love you. All right. You know, I love you. Give your father. Give your parents love.

And we'll see you. Give us all our love. All right, brother. Stay black and beautiful, mavito. What's up, Lee? Not much, me. I'm good. I'm really fucked up. How many calories you got left? I don't know the exact amount, but not too many. 800? Yeah. That's good.

800? You don't have no 800 left. I didn't have that much to eat today. What did you eat all day? I had a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, and then I had the leftover turkey hot dogs. No bacon, but just turkey hot dogs with a pirate's booty for lunch. With who? Pirates booty? The popcorn.

Cheese puffs. Oh, God. They're like the one cheese. ship I can have. Why are they not fat? No, I mean, they're not great, but it's better than Doritos. I shouldn't be having them, but

you did one push-up today? No, but I did it now on the elliptical. You didn't do one push-up. Not today. What was the last time he did a push-up? What day is today? One day and a second. February, back second.

17 years ago. No, he was on the phone, will you? 17 years ago. What's days today? What the fuck? I got a deal with you. What's happening, brother? You got it, my friend. What's what going on in your world?

You're breaking up, my brother. Time again. Call back. You got to call back because you're breaking up, brother. Yo. Yo. What's happening? Where you been, dog?

I just been sitting here waiting. How about me? Where are you calling from, Bremen? Where are you calling from? I'm calling from. I'm calling from Whitton. From where I'm from? Wingard, Saskatch.

From Canada? From Canada? You bad motherfucker. Look at you up there freezing. Like a soldier. And your little fucking, you're eating your little igloo right now, fishing and shit, smoking a joint. I'm just teasing the bong right now, to be honest. All right, blow a little smoke for the church from Canada.

Hit that motherfucker to the microphone. Hit it right there. That's my boy. That's why I love you, Saskatchewan. Rep. consenting in the house, Canada. This is what I'm talking about. Who else sends...

I got it. I love you, fuckin' gauks. The NSA is going to be here like three months. I don't give a fuck about the NSA. I love you, too, buddy. You think if I worried about the NSA, I'd be doing this. And I love you, Joey. I love you, too.

What about Steve Simone? He's an office. No, Steve Simone is awesome. Panama, he said. I love you, brother. Thank you. What's up, my brother? How is it doing up there?

That's hysterical. It's cold as fuck, but it's all right. It's enjoyable if you make it enjoyable, right? Yes. Now, what time's on are you? It's a state of mind. You're in the East Coast Times up, brother? You're in the East Coast Times up?

It's like almost midnight here. Okay, yeah, yeah, you're Central maybe. Yeah. It's 10 o'clock here. Yeah. So that's Central. To be honest, we never ever change our time. But we link up with Central right now.

Okay, so that's what I was thinking. What do you do for work up there, my brother? I'm a forklift operator. Okay. You've been there for a long time? Yeah, about 18 years. You dig it. You're happy?

You got benefits? You're the union? Yeah, the whole nine yards, yeah. What do you give a fuck? It keeps me happy. You got a nice house. I go to a lot of concerts, actually. Do you really?

I feel, you know, yeah. But, see, we live in Saskatchewan, so all the good acts pass over us, really. Like, I'll have to go to Edmonton or Winnipeg, really. But we do get our fair share of good stuff. Okay. But we don't get, like, super, super good. Good for you, man. You're living your fucking life.

I love you, cucket. You're smoking bonkets at 12 o'clock at night. You got peanut butter and jell in the refrigerator? Who's complaining? Life is good. Life is fucking very good. Life is beautiful. You're having a great...

What kind of weed you're smoking up there? Death. Death. Well, OG Cush. Oh, she know what? Talking about death. We're going to kill this last story. No, not.

No, no. So we go fucking straight to hell. Uh-huh. Oh, I said, Jude, help. You're not going to say, Jude. So you're smoking some OG cush? What does it run you up there for an eighth? Nowadays, if you don't mind me asking.

For an eighth, $40, tops. That's not bad. That's what we got in here. You guys living like fucking doctors up there. I'll tell you one thing about Canada. For these motherfucking jet dollars that don't know, I've never gotten a bad bag of fucking weed in Canada. Because I used to go to Toronto in the early,

in the late 90s. And I had it delivered right to the hotel. The kid was telling me the story how the state grew the fucking weed in Canada. And they always gave me some nice fucking tight buds that was... I mean, it was tremendous. I never had a complaint about fucking Canada.

Never. What they used to let me in. That's awesome. Yeah, I wish you could get back in because I'd go to your show anytime, anywhere. If I can figure how to sneak in through Buffalo and take the bus to Toronto

and Montreal and all the places, that's what I would do. It's getting out. they would have a heart attack. Like, they really take it seriously. Like, when did you come through here? Last week, you guys were here. No, you did.

We'll look at the film now. You didn't fucking come through fucking here. We wouldn't let you in. How'd you get in? You couldn't have got in unless somebody fucking swiped the wrong, Jose Diaz. And I love Canada. I ain't mad at Canada because I can't go in there.

I'm the one that fucked up. So now I've got to figure out a way to fucking fix it. But hopefully I'll get up there and see you, my brother. All right? You keep doing bon. Do another bonn for you. Uncle Joey real quick. One more. That's amazing. Okay.

Fill that motherfucker up out of respect. Because I love you, you bad motherfucker. Look at this. You see this, Lee? Look at it. It sounds like a fucking helicopter in Apocalypse now. Oh, yeah. This is what I'm talking about. Salute, my brother. Thank you for calling. Say black and beautiful.

I love you, guys. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for making my night tonight, guys. God bless. I love you, too, Joey. Love you guys. Thank you. Wow. You have the coolest people. Let me give some shoutouts real quick here. My main man, Josh Whipple, C. Mokes,

inside the numbers, Johnny B. Good. Leon, my Spanish buddy over there, holding it down. Claire Fisher, Ray, Jay, and Kay Razzo. I love you, Cogsuckers. Pat Shea, you get the shout-out of the fucking week. Like I said, John, Jason Nose, Husqahana, showed up with Debt Squad Deep from fucking three different continents. he had Canada, Africa, Liberia,

he had some Dead Squad. The Desquot Librarian? Liberia coughing up a storm, skinny. Might be a different Discord. Why you always got a... Why you always got to fucking insult my feelings? I don't know if it was fucking Liberia. Let me get a call.

We're having a good time. Anthony, having these beautiful fucking people. What's up, my brother? Hello? What are you doing? What the fuck you doing? You over there talking to yourself? I got down 9-1-1, you're fuck?

Yeah, I'm ordering a pizza. How are you, buddy? I'm good. How are you, my buddy? I'm good. How are you doing, Joey? It's Harry over in Brea. What's up, Harry and Brea? Look at you calling long distance. You should I love. Yeah.

What's up, H? Tell me something good. Tell you something good. Well, I just want to tell you first off, you know, thank you for doing this tonight. You know, you and Lee and Steve, you know, doing this podcast is great. You know, I really enjoy it. And, you know, there's very few podcasts that, you know, I'll listen to every episode of.

And, you know, yours, Steve and Joey, you know, you guys, I'll always listen. Thank you. Thank you very much, man. I don't know if you know this. If anybody else else, I'm listening, know this. When I do this, I put my heart into this. I open my heart up to you guys. I open up like a fucking book,

and I talk to Lee about it, and I want the guests to do the same. I know within five minutes or the guests is going to suck or not. Yeah. Because I want these guys to open up their hearts to you. That's the only way you're going to enjoy this. If I need to be funny, I'll be funny on stage.

Yeah, we get jokes, and I break his balls. But I want you guys to tap into me, and I tap into you guys. Once I meet you, and I see the Twitter handles and I put it all together I get you and I know why we communicate

it's a fucking simplest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life now I get why you just something about your personality something about mine we just click through the fucking computer that's the best

how crazy is this bro it's unbelievable so cool but uh but uh yeah you know yesterday I was walking into the gym and for some reason as I was opening the door I heard your voice popped into my head and say it's a beautiful day to be alive and you know I took that with me going in and I had

probably just one of the best work up I've had in a while and you know it just it just goes to show that you know the energy that you're putting out you know it's a hitting us, you know, and, you know, the live podcast, you know, going to see you at your shows, you know, you're really reaching us and it's helping. You guys are reaching me and it's fucking helping. Like I said, man, I'm in a different fucking zone right now. Leith came to see me the idea, he goes that his girlfriend told him that I've gotten better on stage.

it's not that I've gotten better It's that you guys have made me Loving what I do a lot more It's not that I got better I didn't have a reason to be funny before I had nothing I had a bunch of people going to see Joe Rogan Not who this fucking fat guy was

Now I have a reason to go home and write for you guys I have a reason to throw away that joke that doesn't work I have a reason Because the love you guys give me through the fucking wire I feel it So I have to be my best which makes out the best of you, which means all of us are fucking doing something

at some point in the day that we're making conscious or what the conversation we had. I'm doing it now, man. I'm doing it fucking now because of you guys. You know, today I got mad at my wife because she didn't make me spinach fucking pasta. I really want to get healthy.

Why? I have you guys. I have a reason to fucking live. Mercy and my wife is a staple. I have you guys. You guys are 20 years old. coming to shows. You guys don't even listen to your fucking fathers.

You have no respect for your fucking families, half of you, because I didn't at that age. I didn't. We judged him. We thought that, why would I listen to him? He's a fucking loser. But you'll come to a show and talk to me and tell me, hey, Joey, this is what's going on in my life.

And I'm fucking so grateful for that. Because this will somewhere in another make you go back to your dad or your uncle. Yes. It's all connected. Right now, when I was growing up, I had no respect for nobody's. Fuck this fucking bump. Look at me.

He's a janitor. What the fuck does he? That guy knows him all my life. That's at anybody. You know, so I appreciate the love of you guys. Give me, Lee, the respect you give Lee. When Steve Simone's in town. You know how we do it, Bray.

We ain't fucking around, Doug. What kind of work do you do? Of course. Well, so right now, I'm in between jobs. You know, I moved out to California last year for a job and I got laid off. And it actually took me, you know, almost seven months, but I just found a new job. Yes.

And I actually am moving again back to the East Coast for this job. But, you know, while I was unemployed and while I was, you know, looking for jobs, I didn't want to just, you know, sit on my ass and not do anything. So I went and I became a certified personal trainer. And, you know, because I eventually want to do that, you know, full time. I really want to dedicate myself full time to fitness and, you know, helping people and that. But, you know, in the meantime, I've got to pay the bills. So, you know, I've got to do what I've got to do.

I've got to hustle. But, you know, and why? while I was unemployed, you know, I got, I got really down a lot, you know. And, you know, like I said, Joey, you know, going to those live podcasts, it really helped. You know, it helped to laugh, you know, Steve, you know, seeing you in Irvine, it helped. Wow. You know, and, you know, it's been a tough road, but, you know, there's light at the end of the tunnel. and you know

And you know Um You know Joey When you're job searching Because you don't hear back A lot of people get really down When your job searching

And Oh terrible You don't hear back You spend so much time They call you in for interviews And you get so excited Because it would be perfect And you can make this much money

And then you just don't hear back And then you just don't hear back It was the thing with Barry cats Ten times Yeah I mean yeah It sucked To go through that But it sucks

Because I've seen a bunch of to people who from my hometown are still working at the movie theater, which could be cool. But you went to school to do something and you're not even trying to do it anymore. Yeah, it gets frustrated. It's hard not to give up, but it's cool

and it eventually pays off, usually, if you put the work in. Yeah, I mean, you're lucky if you get a call back when you apply for anything, you know? Yeah. That only happened once with me. Both of the time you're applying online

and they don't even see the shit. No. No. But, but, um... But, um... But, anyway. But, anyway.

I'm happy that, uh, you got a path. I'm happy that you got a little money to fucking keep fooling the table for you and your family and you sound great, bro. Yeah. I love you to death. Thank you. See, Harry.

I love you guys. So, uh, take care, be good. And, uh, and, uh, and I'll keep, uh, I'll keep it. I'll keep it going. Bro, you got my heart. Come up here and give fucking Lee a free training session, and we'll put you on the fucking thing and talk about it, and shit, all right?

All right, sounds good. That'd be awesome. Good luck to you, whatever you want to do. You got this bite. Thank you, Joey. This is easy for you, brother. Good luck. You know, I know you're looking to do this surgery,

and, you know, if you do it, you know, good luck to you, man. You got it, brother. All right. I love you, man. Have a good night, Papa. Thanks for hanging out in Irvine, Harry. I remember him. It's, you know, when you talk to these guys, you know,

and when you see them on its shows, this is different. Years ago, I didn't want to go on the road. Now I can't wait to see. To meet people, yeah. Who am I going to bump into Twitter? Who am I going to bump into it? Absolutely. You know, like the other night when I saw Jason, no, I was going on, you know,

I fucking saw him when I was like, oh, my God. You know, I kept looking at him, and I'm like, this motherfucker used to bring bags. of edible, shopping bags of edibles. Thank God he didn't bring one tonight. He probably had a pound on him. He probably was dying and giving one. I love these guys.

This is the, this is the way you go on the road. And now I've been to Buffalo twice. I see the same people. My man, Damar, you know, I go to these towns and you see and you start building. Now I'm going to have bad shade. When I go back, I can go to lunch,

I know what the fuck he is. Yeah, it's great. You know, so just thank you people for being who the fuck you are. This is easy for me. this has been great for me and Lee and we started at 6th of the morning for a while we were young and screaming over there and we were at an office

this has always been easy for me I told my wife and I go you know what I tell when I get pissed off for somebody when they fuck with my wife or when they mess with the podcast and infuriates me this is our baby this is what this is all Lee and I have

this is it this is it Lee without this he's got Paula and after four weeks Paul they're going to put up with his fucking little Jew dick and not eat her ass during the Hussupo with no work? He knows that, he knows that.

Who's on the phone, cuck, sucker? What's up, my brother? Or sister? Yo, yo, yo, yo. What's up? Where are you at? Hey, man, I'm in Tennessee. Look at you, you bad, motherfucker. Where are you close to Nashville or Memphis?

Close to Nashville. Okay. A couple of cities south. What's the name of it? Jackson. Columbia. Columbia. I've never been there, but I heard of Columbia. Very nice.

What kind of work you do over that, Tennessee? Just briefly quit my job. I've worked at Kroger's for eight years. I've got to move back to California. I've got my pops. He ain't doing too well. So I decided I'm going to move back home. Where are you going to?

What part of Cali does your dad live in? He lives in the Bay Area. Okay, look at you. That's a good fucking area. Yeah, I grew up there. I was from there, born and raised. And how the fuck did you end up in Krugers in Tennessee? Basically, my uncle, my dad's brother, I was very close with him.

I used to go to his house just about every weekend. We're very close. I looked at him like an older brother type of deal, and he decided he was going to move to Tennessee with his wife and his kids start a new family out there and just, you know, experienced life. And I decided I was going to go, you know, across the country with him. Got out there, liked it. told them

this was my junior year summertime, going to be my senior year. So I told them I was going to fly back to California, graduate, and then once I graduated, I flew out to Tennessee

and I've been out here ever since. Wow. You're a bad motherfucker Tennessee, Texanita. So how long have you been there? Yeah, Tennessee is a cool-ass place. It's a what? It's a cool-ass place to live,

very late back. You like it? You like, you go to Nashville a lot, drink and party in Nashville or no? Back in the day, I used to. I got into a, I got into a bra at a club, and I ain't been doing that shit soon, so. Okay, so you learned your lesson.

Yeah, I learned the hard way. What kind of work you're going to be doing in the Bay Area? Right now, I don't know. I got a lot of friends out there. I'm talking to, trying to hook up with. I got people that work with the Tesla company. Oh, cool. I got people, I mean, I got people.

I mean, I got people that work it all over. I'm trying to get jobs through. Mainly I want to work at Whole Foods because I've already got the grocery experience working at Kroger's right here. So I like Whole Foods. I like the whole organic, the whole healthy, you know, part of it. So I'm trying to.

That's my first place I want to work at. What is your specialty? Produce meat? Yep, produce. I was an assistant produce manager for Kroger. That's great. What I'm talking about? This motherfucker knows a good apple.

You know what I'm saying? You mean, fuck, I'm pretty sure. Take that fucking apple back. Cuck suck. I see a lizard in it. Yeah, cold that motherfucker and take that shit out. Take that motherfucker's worm out of that bitch. I see a lizard.

I'm happy, bro. I'm happy you're making a change. It gets cold in Tennessee this time of the year, right, brother? Usually, yeah. This winter's been a little bit warmer. It hasn't snowed as much. You know, it don't snow like what you're from, you know, East Coast or nothing. But, you know, it's been a mild winter.

All right. It's only February 2nd. Don't get too fucking comfy. Don't put the hood and sweats on the way. I'm back in the Bay Area, living like a fucking doctor. When are you leaving? Why are you fucking worried about it?

When are you leaving? My dad, he's got stage 3 bladder cancer. He's about to have a surgery March 2nd. So any time this month, I'm leaving. Brother, good luck to you. I know you got a big chore up there being with your dad, you're going to take care of him. I'm happy that you're doing that, man.

That's always great for him, you know, his final month, so maybe you'll pull him out of it. Yeah, I want to be there for him, you know. I flew back for his birthday in November, and he just started his chemo. He looked, he didn't look right, you know, and seeing my family, my mom, you know, she was taking it very bad, my sister, you know,

my grandmother, everybody, you know, and I'm back in Tennessee, so I was just like, man. Yeah, I see. I gotta go back. Sometimes the family calls, brother. That's the Bay Area. You got nothing to lose my brother. Good luck to you.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for calling. I just want to say, man, that just like all these other calls that's called up and congratulations, you just said how good of a person you are, the things you talk about, and how you inspire people, man. I'm not going to lie.

There's been times in my work where I wanted to fucking quit, and I put it on your podcast and listen to you, And it just stupid shit you say It just makes you laugh or whatever And it just, it just, the little things like that Make my day better And I'm as easy for me to The rest of my day, it just, I don't know

I'm just, it makes you better, man And I just, for everyone else, man That's listening, they feel the same shit dude And I speak for them and I say thank you And keep doing what you're fucking doing, man Hope to, hope to see you on these bigger movies And, you know, doing bigger things later on, man I love you, brother

And I'll see you up in the Bay Area this summer All right, man, you come San Jose, man. I'm going to come check you out. God bless your father. I hope everything goes well, brother. I love you. Hi, Joey. The church family got you, brother. Take care, man.

Take care, my brother. What do you think of that, Lee, Syatt? You're fucking sitting there like Moose-Fuckinney. I don't even know. Moose-Muselini? You know, Mussolini? I don't fucking know. So much love tonight, Joey.

This is great. This is why I wanted to do this just to talk, let people know where they're at, where we're fucking at. Call? Okay. One more call. I love you. What's happening over here? Joey Diaz.

Check it out. Listen, listen. Oh, shit. That's the Reefat compartment right there. What's going on, my brother? Oh, Joey, it is good to talk to you. Lee, good seeing you. Hey, buddy. What's your name? I'm Casey Seifor from Pittsburgh, Kansas. Oh, shit. Motherfucking, Kansas. And who won the game? You know, like, Kansas played Kansas State

Saturday? Sunday night and I know it was on. Oh shit. I have no idea. I just saw all these Patriots when in the Super Bowl. What do you think? I worked really hard this year. What are you close to, brother, over there in Kansas? What big city is close to that? You know, we're Joplin, Missouri?

No. I've never been there. I know Lawrence and Bennett. Maybe Tulsa. Okay. Oklahoma. I'm going to Oklahoma this year. Nice. Yeah, I'm born Oklahoma.

Oh, hell yeah. Like in May or something. I'm going to Oklahoma. Some theater that's bringing people in. Oh, that's great. Once a month or something. That's supposed to be fucking dynamite. Like Todd Barry, everybody who's done at sight,

fucking, this is cracking. That's great. What's up with you, Oklahoma? What kind of work you do over there, Kansas? I'm actually a farm labor right now, driving tractors and helping out there where I can, but I'm actually going to Pittsburgh State University, studying some psychology at the moment.

When are you leaving? What is that? Oh, you're going to Pittsburgh State University. I'm so sorry. This fucking guppy... No, your kids? Yeah, I'm a junior over there. Okay.

And when do you graduate? May of next year, 2016. Look at you. So you're working full-time at a farm and then going to a psychology school. That's amazing. That's what people do, Lee. That's career hero.

You think everybody sits around and fangs that pussy and waits for a bird to drop a fucking dollar ball ball ball. There's what you do when you're in college. You know it? You had a job at fucking CVS. Yeah. You went to school? Who the fuck?

Who the fuck is this? Is that you, Lee? Yeah. Who is that? It's false. Let me guess. Who the fuck is that? I didn't answer it.

Tell her goodbye. We'll go to bed. Go to bed, talk sucker. What's happened, brother? See what I got to live with? She knows what I'm on the fucking pipe. You're going to vibrated this stuff. I know.

My phone has not vibrated at all. Nobody calls me this late. They know better. I'm nother fucking fucking. You always get calls. Tell a good night. It's over. I'll call you the mom on.

I'm too high to fucking talk. I don't want to talk about law school today. Sorry about that and getting rudely interrupted by fucking Lee Syatt over here, Kansas. No, I know. You guys are my heroes, man. You guys, every morning, I love it. You guys give me motivation when I go to school, I get down. I get burned out, you know, just studying all the time.

And I get that wake up cock sucker in the morning, man. It's awesome. You got to wake up, cocksucker. And I like how people respond to it because they know. That's the bottom line. You got to wake up, cocksucker. What's with the fucking procrastination? What is 10 more minutes going to do for you?

Nothing. What is 10 more minutes going to fucking do for you? Not a 10. Get up. Come on. Chump, choppy. Watch that pussy get there on time with a smile on your face. Who's better than you?

Nobody. Right, Lisa? You're right. Kansas in the fucking house. I love it. That's right, man. I love you guys. Steve, hey, what's up?

Don't want to forget about it. I want you, buddy. Take it easy, all right? All right. All right. All right. Love you, brother. Thank you very much for calling, my friend.

We'll see you soon. Joey, thank you for answer. I'll see you in Oklahoma, Mac, Cocksucker. Hell yeah, I'll see you there. Bring Reefer. Don't forget about me. Plenty for everybody.

All right, brother. Bring Reefa, Coxucker. Bring rolling papers. People forget. All right, you guys take it easy. All right, brother. Let me give a shout out to the sponsors. I'm going to do these shows more often.

Wonderful. Because I get to talk to you guys. I've got to spread this forum. I've got to figure out how to make it even more. Once we get the real cool things and everything going, we're going to fucking rock. your motherfucker's world, all right?

We ain't fucking around here. I love doing this. I love Monday nights. I like putting together something Thursday. You know, Lee and I were talking about doing something, maybe Friday. I don't know. This is how much we love doing this

and communicate with you guys. So please be patient with us. We're only going to get better and better and better and better. And to get better, you got to start with honor, cock suckers. Not to be a faggy fucking segue or nothing. Let's cut through the bullshit. You want optimum optimization? This is the way to get it.

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If you don't focus better, if you're not fucking firing. and all cylinders, we'll send you your money back when you want the fucking product. That's how we roll, all right? I love you to death. Go to honor.com and press in. Church. Oh shit. C-H. And put some bass in your voice. Got you. C-H. You are C-H.

I get 10% off your first dollar. You also have to stay on the program. We get delivered right to the house monthly. You don't need to order UGatz. Also, to my favorite people in the fucking world. Iron Dragon TV.com. You understand me? You want fucking Roku? you want fucking kung fu movies

Iron Dragon's the way to go Classic Lip Man, early Jackie Shan fucking all that ancient stuff you see from China You learn how to do fucking mystical stuff Fly through the air with fucking a four fucking flint The four straw bow

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And he has to fucking fight, fucking 20 fucking people and stab a motherfucker and pay a half a million to bring you these fucking Kung Fu classic films. So don't just look at me and go, ha ha ha, ha, fuck you. Go to Iron Dragon TV and press in and get two free films

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That's how we wrote. What are you doing about? If I had a knife, I'd throw it at you, and I'd make it cut you. Like that little white kid in Road Warrior. Remember when he had the boomer? The boomerang. And also don't forget

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They got the long sticks, the dad. They got it all. Go to Nail theLife.com, hear these things.com, iron dragontivy.com, and on it.com, if you want to support the podcast.

And without that, do, I'll see you motherfuckers next week in Austin, Texas. Fuck Lee, he ain't coming down in. It's me and Mario Fizinski, whatever crazy name is,

my friend from Philly. Where are you at next week, Steve, Simone? Edmonton, Canada. There's what I'm talking about. There's no I'm fucking talking about. We're reaching, you motherfuckers. We're like tentacles.

You understand me? We're like dog shit. We're like Puerto Rican. were everywhere. Dead Squad can be in Edmonton. Ari can be in Chicago. I can be somewhere. I don't go international.

I got problems. Besides, you know what the fuck I'm talking about. I love you, cock suckers. The church for life, you bad motherfuckers. Thank you for calling in. Thank you for taking the time. Thank you for fucking making me a better fucking savage. Lee Syatt, don't just sit there.

Hit it. All right. All right. We were flowing. They were bump into a fucking bump in the roads. Sleepy. You did this to me. I did do nothing.

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