The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #258 - Terrie Diaz, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: February 19, 2015

Terrie Diaz, Joey's Wife and Mercy's Mother, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. 
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Recorded live on 02/18/2015.
 Music:
 I Want You - Marvin Gaye Delivering The Good's - Judas Priest

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Are you fucking kidding me? Wednesday, February 18th. Listen to these black motherfuckers right here. Listen to this shit right here. It's Black History Month. This is your fucking history right here. As good as it'll ever get for fucking black people right here. This is it.

This is fucking tremendous. One of the greatest American fucking talents of our fucking time right here. And if you don't believe me, get this song on YouTube when he's rehearsing it, laying back home over. And he sounds just like this song. fucking song on his back. Listen to this shit. You hear that fucking guitar?

That's a black fucking guitar. You hear that? You hear those yells? Ow! Where do you think Robert Plank got those fucking yells from? English? They don't yell. Only black people are like...

Ow! The church motherfuckers. I already love it because as soon as... As soon as you said, like, are you kidding me? what Terry's eye just rolled. She's like, this is going to be a great episode. The church of what's happening now, motherfuckers.

February 18th, the day the devil, before the devil was buried at sea, fuck him in the ass, Andrew, for building this. I still got the devil with the tongue out. Fuck him in the ass before building it was. Fuck all this shit. Tomorrow's my 52nd birthday. It's a beautiful day to be alive.

I got the flying Jew here, my beautiful wife, Terry Clark here. What's happening, people? Hey, buddy. You gave me, I had one and a half edible so far. No, stop. I gave a brownie. I gave a fucking brownie that was delicious.

But it's huge. It was, no, it was delicious, but it was a big, come on, you've seen most edibles. This thing was like a brownie you get from Starbucks all wrapped up in the end. Oh, it's fucking beautiful. Saran wrap. Anarchy, don't fuck around it. So I ate half of that and then a star, so we'll see what happens. What do you think is going to happen?

I think I'm going to end up at home eating Girl Scout cookies again. Fuck yet. No thin mince. What's happening with you? As if you weren't going to end up at home eating Girl Scout cookies without the brownie. What's up with you fucking? Oh, everything. All right. New World, my beautiful wife? Yes, fucko. Everything's funny.

How was the suit today with mercy? He's good. Oh, my God. The chimpanzees were crawling on the windows. She was losing her. Gorillas. What do you bring her to? The LA Zoo. Is it fun? I've never been down here. I used to love going to zoos. It's a lot of fucking walking.

It is a lot of fucking walking. A lot of walking uphill. Uphill, downhill, under bridges. It's amazing. Over bridges. And there's nothing there. Oh, there's not that many animals? There's a lot of exhibits that are closed Every time we go, there's a fucking by the way I'm walking around One time we went in the summer

It was so fucking hot The animals didn't come out And another time we went in the winter It was so fucking cold We went like on your birthday one year Freezing and it was all uphill You know I mean it's all fucking uphill Uphill

He got winded At the entrance Of the zoo We didn't even get to the We got to like the flamingos, which are the very first exhibit. I shouldn't be laughing. I was sweating, putting together the shelf.

It took you an hour. You should be embarrassed. Oh, my God, and you did it upside down. No, I did it the right way. Okay. For you people, we're freezing all over the country. My heart goes out to you. It's fucking 84 degrees here today and hotter than fuck.

So that's what you got. Yesterday, I told you guys a couple weeks ago that we were even. I don't want to hear no all of these people sending emails that the church helps your life because, you know, I just couldn't fucking take it no more. You know, I don't know if Jesus didn't help this fucking many people. All of a sudden, this fucking podcast is helping people. So I tell you guys, we're even because every week for like two years I would write on the top of my daily planner,

my daughter's name Jackie, and I finally got enough courage to fucking call. So I called on the 3rd of February, and I told you guys in the podcast, and she didn't call back, you know. So I started thinking about it. I wasn't mad. I knew that I got a couple emails. In fact, I had a lot of emails from people that had been through the same thing. But Joey Rookland said that she didn't talk to her dad for a long time and that he opened up the lines of communication and she was pissed off

and he was persistent. And he was persistent. You know, I don't know if I'm persistent to open up the lines of communication. I just want to let her know how I feel and what she has available to her. You know, I have a family and I have a little baby. I got a wife. And that's it. After that, whatever fuck she wants to do,

she's going to do, you know, she's going to do or believe or whatever fuck. So yesterday morning, I was in the shower, and I was getting my balls worked up for the day of what I had to do, and I remember that she didn't call, and I had wrote this week that I was going to call back. So this time, I called back

because I wanted to put a little pressure on them. I called back when I was coming to Boulder for a few days. And two hours late, I didn't hear nothing from them or whatever. So I started the process of contacting a private investment. And I spoke to a private investigator for about an hour, about what had happened. And he said he's going to start looking. And I hung up with the Pride Investigator.

I ran a bunch of ads. So what, if you knew you were calling the right number, what are you calling the private investigator for? I was calling the right number because just in case it didn't call back. Okay. You know, I'm in a hotel some nights after a comedy show. I'll go back and drink coffee, smoke a joint, and come up and look for her. Oh, like on Facebook. She's in nowhere.

She's a ghost. The whole family. The whole family is a fucking ghost. So I contacted a private investigator. I spoke to him for a while. He said, when you're a criminal, all you need is your name and your date of birth and they'll find you. But when you're a fucking civilian, they need your social. So I don't have a social.

Okay. So what they did was they, I told them everything. And I hung up the phone. I was fine. And yesterday afternoon, my ex-wife called back. And we spoke for about 20 minutes. And, you know, she told me the same shit that the baby was busy. Well, she's not baby no more.

That she was busy. We caught up on her family. Her father had died. We spoke about him for a few minutes. And believe it or not, I told her that whatever happened 20 years ago between us, I wanted to apologize for, you know, on the topical side, you know, on the top. You know, I don't know how I feel inside still. And she said that the kid would call, Jacqueline would call in a few days.

Did she say she got your first message or no? I didn't ask at that point. I didn't really ask or whatever. I'm assuming she did. She didn't call out. She got it and she disregarded it. You know, and then it was funny. I called the private investigator after we spoke to explain to him that she had called and we started laughing.

He goes, here's the other thing, though. I found her. I found your ex-wife, her husband, and three of her kids. That kid that you have with her, they hid her. They changed her name. They even changed her first name. that's how fucking much they had her head. What do you think they're doing this for?

Do you think so you can't find them? And it's been recently since that happened because on her high school graduation, we found a picture of her at her high school graduation with the name that we know. So I don't know what caused her. But maybe a year after that, I contacted her on Facebook.

And she erased her Facebook thing, and after that she probably told them, He contacted me. She put the fear of God in her. He's a kidnapper. He's going to kidnap you, whatever. So that's what happened. But the truth of the matter is what was always going to happen.

In fact, yesterday when I was talking to her, I realized how white she was. Like, I realized how fucking white she was. Like, we were talking about her father dying, and I go, you know, how did Jackie take? Oh, Jackie was crushed. You know, we might even have to send her therapy. You know, she's fucking. And this is what I didn't want to hear, but I realized how fucking gentrified she had become.

And that's what her goal was her whole life. So the last thing people like that ever wanted was me to come back. When I left in 95, and I told the story a thousand times, they figured that I was going to get high on drugs, get arrested, and just disappear. Maybe die or the rest of my life in prison. They never counted on this. Yeah, they don't want him. him to come back no matter how well he's done for himself, how much he's cleaned up, you know.

But weren't they coming after you for child support for all those years? Yeah. Oh, every time a different show, I could tell. As soon as I booked a TV show, I'd prepare because I'd look at the date when it was going to air. I remember when a cold case aired, we got a bunch of letters from them in 2003. As soon as the longest yard came in. Oh, my God. They started.

I mean, we never even. The checks were just cut in half. The checks were cut in half. They went into my bank account after the longest yard. You know, she never wanted, she wanted to punish me for what I had done. Like, it was always like a punishment to her. But the other punishment was me never talking to Jackie. She never wanted me to tell my side of the fucking story.

That's not a good story. Did any part of you ever did, like, think maybe I'll go to court and get my visitation? Yeah, but it was, it was a, it was, it was, a, it was, a, it was, a, a goal without my reach. I could have always got visitation. It would have cost me $2,000 to get the attorney, petition to court, wait six weeks, a fucking plane ticket and go out.

She would have never allowed it to come out here. But he had visitation. I had visitation. It was just shitty visitation, five hours a week. You can't be a dad. I know coaches would see their kids more, you know. So, but it's very interesting how, even until today, she hasn't called.

It was 24 hours ago. You know, they're preparing. her, I guarantee they're getting her a phone with a tape recorder. That's what they're doing right now. So they can tape the conversation. Listen, man, I have a family. I have a daughter.

I made a mistake 25 years ago. Maybe not. I made a mistake or maybe not. In what way you made a mistake? I went for my life. I was living in Boulder. I was getting tortured by these people about being a parent. I was fighting for my fucking

life. If I got a check for $900, I would keep $200. You ever been that position? No. Getting the check for $900 and having to go pay in the term. I mean, it was just a horrible way to live. And we were going nowhere in 95. Her and I were not going anywhere.

That's the story of almost every split like that where the kids are involved. My parents went through it. You know, it... Was it ugly for them for a while? Well, we, they got divorced when I was a senior in high school, so it wasn't so much of... And they should have gotten divorced probably 10 years before, at least.

You felt it brought up? Oh, God, yeah. And they said they both... said afterwards, oh, we stayed together because of you guys. Well, that doesn't know. Can anybody feel that? It's terrible. It's terrible when parents are fighting. But, yeah, like today, at this point, my dad, he used

to be, like, kind of intense, and there would be a lot of fighting. And then recently, he wanted to be more chummy with my mom, and my mom just didn't, has, wants no part of it. So I understand both sides of it. So, like, my question for you is,

they must have said bad things about you too Absolutely Absolutely A portion of them on paper are true Are true absolutely So like how are you going to handle that I'm going to talk to him

I'm going to tell him my truth It's the truth It's the truth He made a lot of mistakes But he's turned himself around And to not factor in that truth as well as all the other truths, you're not getting the whole picture.

But in the beginning, I didn't make a lot of mistakes. In the beginning, they just didn't want me around them. They had made a conscious decision. I remember, and I was telling my wife the story, how, you know, they took me somewhere that I didn't want to be. They really, really did. But even the judge told them that. And I don't even know if people understand this at home

where you go somewhere, somebody takes you somewhere, there's a part of your anger and your rage, that it takes you somewhere that you don't want to be that you don't even really like yourself I don't like myself when I'm like that I catch myself sometimes I caught myself like that Monday at Higin Machanos Jujitsu school with some guy I just sometimes I just don't like something and I will fucking tell you and I will stay there like a fucking idiot and we'll hunt you down it's a it's a part of me that stay with me since I was a kid I just don't like certain people I don't like how they walk into a room. I don't like how they speak sometimes. I don't like how they treat

other people or address other people. But there are people who get off on that. But there are people who like to sit around and poke bears and then get upset when the bear attacks. So when somebody says something to him. So when it happened 20 years ago with my ex-wife, it took me somewhere. Not to mention I was an open mic or as a comic. So that tenacity was helping my hope and was helping my comedy career because anger is real on stage. But it was wasn't helping me inside. It was wearing me down and it was making me give up and I didn't want to give up

but I mean by giving up is that in those days that any situation if something bad would have happened it could be a flat tire. It could have been a flat tire. You guys see the movie what was the movie with Michael Douglas when he fucking snaps on the 405 when they went up. What was

what was it? Falling down. You ever see that you're too young for that movie. One day a guy's having, he's going through a divorce in that movie, separation, the kid his job. And it's the straw that broke the camel's back. He was at the fucking on the 10 or on the 405. You know how it is.

Beep, beep. And one day he just snapped. And as he's walking away from the car, they go to mug him downtown. Oh, no. Isn't that the thing? And he pulls the gun out and he shoots the guy. And they're running away. He goes, hey, you forgot your briefcase.

It's a great fucking scene. How much of all crimes is that, do you think? Like, just someone snapped, and they happen to get caught on the day. They snapped. You know, man, it's Well, I would say a lot of crime is not that But some of it certainly is And you know

Why does somebody go home and kill their fucking kids? Yeah Why does somebody go home and stab both their kids and the mother And put them in the... It happens every day in the newspaper. Like you had talked about wanting to kill your ex-wife or husband Oh, absolutely. And like...

Absolutely. You were... Let's just say on paper you were a bad person back then Or did bad things back then. I wasn't a bad... I was a young confused. used person. I had made some mistakes. I was trying to get my life back

together, but that fucking animal was still in there. It's a dangerous. It was dangerous. And they were playing a game with me, and I'm getting harder and harder, and now I'm thinking to myself, I'm a loser in life, I'm not making any progress for comedy, I'm not making any progress here.

You know what? I'm not going to let these motherfuckers fuck with me. And then something very weird happened. O.J. killed his wife. Really? OJ killed his wife I think June 12th of 94 Check the day

Or June 12th and 95 It was June 12th of 94 When he killed his wife And that Put me over Okay That 12th of 94

Who the fuck you think you're dealing with here That put me over Because now I had somebody to relate to Now I had somebody to relate to She wasn't messing around with a man She took my kid into another man's house without my permission or without my knowledge. And her parents kept lying to me.

So I was a power cake. So I have nothing going on. My comedy career is nowhere. I'm angry. I'm broke. And guess on top of this, what's going on? I'm pouring cocaine into this mind like never before. I had a dealer.

I didn't need money. I would just call them up and he'd give me a half and eight ball just on the yard. I still owe $1,600 today. If I find them, I will send them his fucking money. In fact, I called Mike Kessler at one in the morning last week and asked him, where's Vince? I will send him his fucking money because he was that good to me at that time. So what did OJ? He was really good to him giving him free cocaine.

So what did OJ do? Did OJ make you not want to do it? No, OJ made me, OJ let me know that I could do it. Now I had somebody in the media. On my side. Now I had somebody that was on my side. This is what happens to people. People see this.

They're called copycat crimes. This isn't stupid. This is what happens. to somebody in society when they get beat up on a daily basis for two years and when they want to be a good person. There's people who don't really give a fuck who never had a chance and they'll take whatever's piled on top of them. But when somebody wants to be a good person and can't figure out what's going on, I don't know

what was going on now. I wasn't giving my life 100% as a human being. I was tiptoeing through what I had to do and I was angry at myself and I was angry at society. But in my heart, I really, really wanted to be a dad and I would have changed to do this. If she would have gave me the opportunity, things would have been different today. I probably wouldn't have been here. I probably would have been a stand-up that would have stayed in Colorado and done... Then a car salesman.

A car salesman and done events in Colorado. So if she'd let you see Jackie on a regular basis... If things would have... If let's say I had two sleepovers a month and I had no drama with her, and I found the job... I had a job in Boulder. I paid me great money. But if I could put all those things together, I would have probably still been emboldened.

I would have left because it was my comfort zone. It was my comfort zone. I had been there for a couple years. I'd gotten arrested. Now, I knew people in town. And it wasn't that I was a bad person at the time. I was always trying to do something good with my life. It just, I was $10,000 behind.

But so, like, let's say Jackie called and was like, well, you were in prison, you abandoned me and my mom, or you left me and my mom, I hate, like, what would you say if she's angry? Yeah, enough enough to. That's what she's going to say. She can't throw that prison. card because he was in prison before she happened. Yeah, before I married.

And I didn't leave them. I never left them. They had a place to live. They had a great place to live. The husband had a fucking boy. Nobody abandoned. This is a mutual split. She tried to hide and push me the fuck away. But if she said something along those lines, what would you say? There's nothing I could say. See, I don't want to, I don't want to start. You don't fucking, you don't close on your

fucking feet. You close on your ass. I just told you what I'm going to tell her. That there's a time and a place for everything. So when she called, It's just an initial call. I'm here. I'm sorry about what happened. I don't know what you know. It doesn't really fucking matter. It doesn't really matter.

Even if she hangs up that fucking phone, eight years from now, she's going to call and go, I want to know what really happened. You don't want her to call and feel like she is being put on the spot. I'm not going to jump on her right away. I don't want to put nobody on the spot. That's why I did what I did. She was getting put on the spot as a fucking five-year-old.

And it started when she was two. yesterday I was looking at Mercy after she called. Mercy's 25 months old right now. At 25 months old, you have no idea what Jackie was going through. She wasn't even seeing me. There was a time with three months where I lived in a different town. She wasn't seeing me.

She wasn't answering the phone. And you know me, I'm not a rat. I wouldn't call the fucking cops. I knew she would come out. But at that time, that last phone call I made to them, I made it clear that I would fucking stab them both They didn't bring the kid to the house by 1 o'clock. In fact, the father brought the kid to the house because I called the father.

And I said, this is not going to end good. I love you. You're a great guy. I'm just telling you right now that this is not going to end good. And I'll tell you what, they knew. Her father. Her grandfather. The last time I seen her father that we were exchanging the kid, her father was crying

the whole time. He shook my hand the hardest. Any man has ever shook my hand. He was crying the whole time. They lost the family. I was more into them in a way that I was. into her. I was more into that. That had been the first time I was around decent

fucking people since my mother died. So I was into that more than I was into her. He was a lieutenant colonel, you know, and he wrote a recommendation to the Department of Jails for me. And I still remember the last paragraph. And he wrote that Joe Diaz

has never had a great job. But he's had menial jobs, and he's always been very proud of those menial jobs. He's always taken those menial jobs. to the next level. He said I was a very hard worker. And then he felt I would never get in trouble again. And I just needed to get into a right direction, you know?

I still remember how he put that I was proud of having a job. Like, I was always very proud of fucking working. I never wanted you to give me. I was never looking for a handout. The problem was when I got a job was 11 bucks an hour. That's $4.40 a week. That's $300 after taxes. In those days, I wiped my ass with $300.

So I can make $300 by selling a fucking quarter ounce of blow. So it was tough to maintain that job But to get back to the subject I was tight with him You know, he knew where I was coming from You know, he said that he had worked with men He was a lieutenant fucking colonel The fucking Air Force man

He had worked with young men all his life And he told me once He goes, you're one of the sharpest motherfuckers That I know as a young guy It's just gonna take a while But when it focuses in for you You're gonna be a fucking killer That's why I like that dude

Because he knew me better than I knew myself in 27. You know? Is that maybe why you waited long? A longer? Because, like, let's say the shit, you tried to call this 10 years ago. The day that they fucking sent two guys to beat me up in my house. Yeah.

The next morning, when I walked outside and I had the bandage over my rib and my rib was black. You know, when you have a bruise and some people have like black and blue and my rib, this area was black. They hit me with a two by four. And they hit my dog with a two by four. And I'm going to tell you people at the house and you two fuckos that I'm going to love dearly. If it wasn't for her father that day,

I would have killed them both in my parking in front of Jackie. And I'm telling you this, this is the asshole side of Joe Deers. That that day, when I walked down the stairs, I would have killed them right there in the parking lot in front of my little baby girl. That's how much anger I had for these two people. Because now they had crossed the line.

They didn't have the balls to twist the knife themselves. They sent two motherfucking white dudes to come get me. And the one guy worked me over. If I hadn't seen that two by four on the floor, I whacked him. But the one guy I did get my hands on, he's somewhere right now thinking about me. Because I know he's got scars on his face. I know his ear is fucked up. I know I stepped on his nose and his face a couple times.

I went after that motherfucker. And I called an off-duty cop to come to my fucking house to check this motherfucker out on the floor. And we picked him up and we dropped them off in front of emergency. And I never heard anything again. And the law limitations out, the statute of limitations. I really don't get it. Talked about it. This is why I'm a fucking animal.

When I want to be an animal, I'll be a fucking animal. It's who I was raised to be. Right. Listen, when my mother, when I die, someday I'm going to fucking die. And my mother's probably in purgatory because she killed somebody and they sent to the hell for 20 years. And she worked herself up for purgatory.

That's a happy birthday discussion? Yeah. And the first time I see my mother in purgatory, she's going to hug me. People are like, why are you married? And she's going to go, you did good. But you didn't kill your stepfather, who you should have put a bullet in his head. you didn't kill that cunt of an ex-wife of yours you didn't kill the cunt of a fucking boyfriend

and you didn't kill two or three other people you should have just fucking ended that time for what they did to you I know my mother I know my mother's fucking mentality and this is why the Kathy King situation bothers the fuck out of me

your ex-wife this is why the whole thing bothers the fuck out of me because in my mind in my dimeted fucking mind I think they did something to me They got a smack ode. Remember, I come from a different house. I come from a house that you don't come home smacked.

In my world right now, I'm still a little smacked. I'm happy they had a call yesterday and bowed down a little bit. But in my world, I still got the, you ever get smacked out in the face in the wintertime? Yeah. And you get five fingers left on your face? Yeah. I still got that from them.

You think so? Even with being in like... Oh, I fucking... I know Joe Diaz. I know what's inside Joe Diaz's heart and his mind. You don't think the longest yard of my name is all the... That does nothing. That does nothing.

No, what are you talking about? You don't think so? Maybe not bigger, but... What are you talking about? I'm talking about somebody smacked me in the face and walked away, and I stayed with that fax in my face. What's a movie going to do for you? Or a TV show. Because they want you to do dead. No, no, no, no, no, no. Trust what I'm telling you. They deserve to fuck it. They both deserve to end up on their knees. Lee, have you ever been done...

No one near that, no, of course. I've been done bad, but the only reason... There are some people out there, Lee, that do such bad things to you or to someone that you love, that there will never be anything, no matter how well you do in life or how lucky you get, or there will never be anything that will be able to erase that feeling of what this motherfucker did to you. Of what they did to you. It will always live in your soul. There will never be anything to take it away.

It may diminish. Right. Well, the reason I asked it because you've talked about before is every time you did a movie or a TV show, you thought about that's nothing. That's nothing. That's nothing. That's, you know, what I'm talking about about when somebody stabs your nose. Somebody fucking does something to you.

That's stumbing your nose at them. That's not, that's nothing. That's kids. That's for white people. That's not the retribution. I'm talking about lighting a fucking house on fire. That your heart feels that it is not. I know what you're saying, and I'm sorry to, I know what you're saying.

That killed them. That buried them. They sat there on that couch shaking their fucking head. But you want to drop a bomb on them? Yeah. I mean, I want. It's still, it's not going to, it's never going to make that go away. Listen, man, when I was in, when I was in, when I first moved to North Bergen, I went to the other side of the courts one day.

And there was an older kid there. I don't want to give his name out because when they're going to go to North Bergen and beat the fuck out of him, too. I was maybe 12, and he was maybe 20. There's a list. And he was maybe 20. And he smacked me one day. We were playing basketball, and he smacked me. I threw the ball out of him in the winter, and I hit him in the face, and they broke us up.

And even though he had Voigt on his face, you know, voiders, voids to work a basketball company. So this day, like, his son hit me on Twitter one day. Like, he's forgot about it. Like, he's told his son, I'm friends with him, you know. Not in my fucking world. You smacked me. I threw the ball out of you. You were 20.

I was 12. What was the reason for the fucking smack? And then he joined the service, so I never really seen them. As I was old, I never forgot about that motherfucker. So is there? Now, that's not saying that you were going to go get retribution. It's just saying that the desire for retribution is always worried. You ever see Goodwill Hunting?

Yeah, of course. They're driving down the fucking street. Okay, in the beginning of the fucking movie. Okay, they're driving down the fucking street. Stop. They're driving down the fuck, stop banging. They're driving down the fucking street. Right. Okay.

And what does the kids say to that? You see Vicki Boulucci, he used to beat me up in the first grade. Isn't that what Matt Damon told that motherfucker in that first scene when they fought in the park? Right. Isn't that? My fuck I'm retired here. That's what I'm talking. But when you're a street motherfucker, when you're a street motherfucker, forget about the good that's going on in your life.

When you wake up in the morning, the first thing in your fucking heart should be what those people did to you. That's what puts the flavor in your day to go out and make somebody else pay for what life or whatever the fuck is done to you. So is there anything you can do to get to revenge without those? ending up in jail or no, not really? The revenge I get is like my uncle, he's got cancer today, a slow fucking cancer. Because usually you don't do it to nobody. Life does it itself.

Okay, okay, okay. You don't ever want to go home and witch something on somebody. Either you're going to stab the motherfucker or wipe your hands up. Okay, so there's nothing you personally can do to get it back. No, no. Okay. You know, there's nothing I can do to get it back. I lost my daughter.

I knew that when I got in the car, 95, and I drove away. But that flavor is still in my mouth. Yeah, they giggled when I left. They're not giggling right now. They're at home at the table right now, looking at each other going. So when is she going to call? How are we going to tape this?

Should we contact the police? They know this is serious. They know something else that I'm charismatic. I could win that girl over, but I really don't want to. I don't need to win her over. I don't need to win her over. I'm going to call.

I'm going to tell her what's on my mind and what's in my heart that I love her and let her know what's here available to her. And that's it. And I'm going to plant the seed and someday whether she wants to talk to me, she could talk to me, or she doesn't have to talk to me,

but guess what? I came to peace with everybody who listens to the church, but most importantly myself, because I picked up that phone and I fucking made the call. Did you know when you saw someone was calling, did you know it was her? No, no, because people call me from Colorado all the fucking time.

How nervous were you? Like when she said, hi, Joe. I didn't know who was. She even said to me, Joe. I go, yeah, she goes, you know who this is? And I go, no. She goes, this is your ex-wife. What did you think?

She goes, what are you doing? I'm looking for a plane ticket. on Southwest. I can't believe that $59 of Sacramento. Did your heart drop at all or no? No, there was just another fucking day in business. I was ecstatic that she called. She had a call.

I knew that my hunch was right. I knew that my hunch was right. I knew that they got the call on the third and sat there and said, he's only going to call once and go away. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Listen. I didn't get to this point my comedy career as a human being

because I was planning on going away. You know? not the type of guy to go away. I might disappear for a while and let you think I went away like Clint Eastwood and fucking hang of mine. But I ain't going away. Right. And my anger, and I know that, and I know what you're saying is right, that part of me,

the little success that I've gotten over the years, they had to fucking swallow and sit at the table when somebody had to say, hey, isn't that your ex-husband? And in front of her family, she had to go, yeah. Oh, no, I wasn't saying at all that it's equal. And if I didn't, I'm, I blame the edible. No, no, no, no. But no, no, no. But, no, it's...

I only do that a lot, like... Sometimes, usually on this show. But have you guys thought about or even considered, like, what are you going to say? If Mercy ever asks about it? Are you even going to tell her? Mercy's not going to say nothing. I'm going to tell her what the time is right. Well, my wife would tell her if I punch the ticket.

It's... Oh, God. It's out there. There's no point in trying to act like it didn't happen. Parents always do that, though. Yeah, well, it's out on social media. I guess that's true. If I had social media, what my dad?

The cat's out of the bag, folks. I actually got an email from this podcast the other night where I said my dad was on the radio. This woman from Boston emailed me and said that she remembered my dad on the radio. I want to give his dad a shout out today. It's his birthday today. Happy birthday, Dick Syedda if he's listening. I know he's not listening, but he's down there in Fort Laudette. They're hoping he had a fucking edible for his birthday.

Happy birthday. I told him happy birthday on Facebook. He's a good fucking dude. You know, I mean, don't get me wrong. I love the kid. What's that, baby? Go ahead. Go ahead.

You've lost my train of thought. Thank you very much. I love the kid, but somewhere along the line, that was part of my release also. I knew that I wasn't going to raise her with the Diaz or the Valdez mentality. I knew that was not going to be allowed. You know, I knew that they had a plan on how they were going to raise, or I knew that they wanted to play golf. I knew that they weren't going to raise her Catholic.

I knew a lot of things that I would have been battling it out for. I never really walked away from her. I just went away to get strong. and I never in my heart I never knew it would blow up to this. I never knew I was going to come out here and get the longest shirt. I never knew I was going to do

Spider-Man too. Those are just things to show in a way I did something with my life and uh but I didn't do the most important thing which was be her father. That's the most important thing I couldn't have done. Okay? I got a second chance

and I'm going to be the best fucking father I can you know. But with that situation, all I can do is apologize, let her digest it, and let her decipher. People decipher things on their own. I go back and forth about my fucking dad. My dad died when I was three. For years, I didn't think of the poor bass until my uncle brought him up and said he's a great fucking guy. Then I understood, and I remember the stories my mom told me, and now I light a candle for my dad and I love him and I think about him. I know he watches over me. But I thought the same way, he left me here. You know, I got to tell you, Lee, there's a, there's a, I'm a,

A part of me that wishes that that door would just stay closed. That door in Joey's life would just stay closed. Because I'm his new life, and I'm the mother of his new daughter, and the one that's going on now. And he's here for that. And there's a part of me that doesn't want to share that. And that's protective of mercy, that she shouldn't have to.

have a divided dad like that. But then that's her sister. That's her family. And that's not fair either. To either one of them. I don't know, Jackie. But this scares the shit out of me. What scares the shit on me in some points? Because it's a door I opened.

Now I have to close it or deal with it. You follow me? I'm not scared of this situation because... Yeah, but you know it. I don't know it. No, there's nothing to be fucking... scared of or anything i mean there's nothing to be scared of i mean uh i did some i i cleaned up a loose end terry clark i had a couple loose ends that i had to take care of this is one of them this is one of those loose ends i had to go pick up my stuff in miami this is it you know this is this is what it is to be a man i finally became a man of 50 fucking two i should be ashamed of myself but i did it

but i did it there's an ending to this someday i did become a man some people become a man at 18 some people become a man at fucking 25 some at 35 I really became a man at 44 today I picked up my balls and stopped doing blow it and gave my wife the best attention I could ever give her and give her my love undivided you know that's when I became a man

but what I've done the last seven years for myself you know like just to put away those skeletons I had in the closet which people never want to deal with and I get it I get it I got it until the church straight me on until the people, the same people I sit here and tell stupid fucking jokes to the stupid stories, straighten me out. And this is why I made this call, because the only way this podcast is going to work

and the only way we're going to have a fucking relationship is if you know, I walk to walk. I got to be able to fucking walk to walk. If I talk about Jiu-Jit-tos, because I got to go get beat up for them to, you know, if I talk about being a man and picking your fucking balls up every day, if I talk about being a better American I got to show these motherfuckers That's right I smoke weed

But when I get up in the morning You know I pick up papers I fucking do whatever I have to do I'm a fucking American I feel in my fucking heart It doesn't matter if I'm a spick Or a fucking half a yarm Or whatever the fuck I am

I'm a fucking American Motherfuck as much as the rest of you motherfuckers I'm what's called an American felon I went to jail I paid my fucking due And now I walk around Like I own the fucking junk You know I have to vote

I don't have to go to... Jury duty. Jury duty? Like I can still carry a gun. It has its benefits. I'm scared too. I opened up a fucking door, but I opened up a door

that was supposed to be open and whatever happens, happens. It's not going to affect the family I have now. It's not going to affect my family in no fucking way because this is it. I got a second chance of being a dad. I wanted to be so badly in 1994.

When I left Georgia and New Jersey and went back to Colorado, I went back with this hope that I could live my, I could make everybody proud around me. I could be a dad, I could get a job, I could do some standard comedy and maybe someday something's going to come with this.

But that wasn't the fucking case. I walked into a wall of no, you can't do this, you can't do that, you can't say that about her. I was broke, and on top of this, there was no money. No money at all. I used to borrow a car that the short, The door didn't shut. I'd have to close it with a bungee from one side to the other.

It belongs to the deli zone. A deli in fucking Boulder that they used to make deliveries with. So that's just to let fucking people know where I was at. So for me to do this, I want to thank everybody who emailed me, everybody who, you know, anybody who sent me a Twitter message, anybody who fucking g-mailed me that said, hey, man, you did the right thing. Thank you.

Thank you for the support because you made a man out of fucking me. I did what I had to do, brother, you know? That's awesome. Fuck yeah. This is why I did it. This is it, man. This is a network. This is a real network.

This ain't a mafia family with a bottom people do what the fuck. No, we all do dirty work here. We all fucking do dirty work. We all have fears and we all have fucking anxieties. We all have things we have to do. This is how it starts, man. So I want to thank the church. I'll be right back.

Where you going? I'm going to get you got some tissues. Oh, thank you, brother. Your nose? Oh, no. Every time I come here, I forget to fucking spray my nose, and this is what happens. I've got to give you a scent of tomorrow. So now we have another situation in our family.

Oh, God. My niece, who I love dearly, my daughter, my wife's niece, niece, niece, it's on her side, but I love it. It's my family. She ran off with a fucking... Chemistry professor, 38 fucking years old. She's 18. And it's really weird because... I didn't go back for like maybe five years when I started dating Terry.

And I went back to Tennessee. I'm done crying. Now I'm pissed. And I fell in love with my niece. I mean, she's a great kid. She's funny. She has Uncle Julie. She has a weird accent.

She has a Tennessee draw. She got big feet. She's just a funny girl. You know, and I fell in love with her. She pitches. She has anger issues. I love her, you know. She got issues all right.

But I tell you, part of meeting her and having communication with her made me call my daughter because there's nobody in the world that needs a dad more than this girl does. And you could see it. So it put guilt on me with my daughter, but not as much. See, when I did all these things, I knew that. John is not a bad guy. Let me tell him, before we go forward with Terry's business, the guy that my wife, ex-wife married, I got to tell you guys, he's not a bad guy.

he's not a bad guy and a lot of people I don't want people to miss it's true he's not a bad guy he's one of those people are just going to die because he was dead no

sorry my nose is clogged up he's not a bad person he's a good dad and he tries and I smacked him at 95 out of my insecurities and I called him a few weeks later and apologized per

my daughter's asking me she said why don't you apologize and I did. So he's not a bad guy. This was just, they made a call and they had to stick to it. Did you get any hate mail from that

when he said he had to talk to your daughter? Did anybody say, well... Yeah, two or three people have said little things to me, but I understand. I understand where they're coming from. It's not that I'm mad at them because... Listen, this podcast, you've got to have a fucking opinion. You've got to have some type of opinion

that this podcast isn't going to fucking work. I don't like everything you do and you don't like everything I fucking do and that's what makes the world go around making the world go around is not because we all sit around and go oh my God we all love fucking the Beatles

no we don't my wife don't fucking like the Beatles you know we talked about this the other goddamn night but it's because when you think about it because I've never had a kid so it's never happened but when you think about it

when people say like that a father doesn't have contact with a kid it's usually like a negative reason it's like looked at negatively and you look that negatively and you don't like that it happened but you said that it happened because you went away to make yourself better

so that's mostly positive yeah but when I went away to make myself better this was the mind fuck I was telling myself this was the mind fucking cocaine I was telling myself it just so happened everything did get better you know in the back of my mind when I was, first of all when I left Boulder to take a trip or run

I kept my apartment I was coming back I just knew that they had to be space there had to be some type of space to have to initiate some type of space it was fucking with the baby it was fucking with Jackie in the worst way it was pressure on her

I could see it I could see it and I'll never forget getting the call from Tribble at one in the morning I had a pager and I didn't even have the enough change to call He had a pager until we met and I didn't even have the change to call them back and when I called them back

He goes, I have four weeks of work for you in the Pacific Northwest. And I was like, this is a god. You know, like I've always told people, I've always let my path dictate itself. Sometimes you may want something, but life doesn't give it to you. And all of a sudden you find out that plane went down. And you're like, woof. And I was pissed for two weeks. That plane went down, bitch.

So I took the four weeks for Tribble, and I ended up staying in Seattle. I ended up meeting Josh Wolfe and meeting, you know, Gavin and doing kind. and Brody and doing comedy and then and I sent money and it was perfect for me at the time You know, it was perfect. I just wanted to give myself air. I needed that break. It was too much I was about to do something bad and then what happened? I went to Seattle and did something bad Because the anger issues were fucking out of control man. It's crazy because when I was a kid When you look at your parents like you think they're like adults before they make that decision And like they're perfect but looking at it now I have so many kids so many friends with kids

kids and people who are a lot younger than me have kids and it's just they're not it's like people expect you to be perfect and just stay with the mom forever or just stay there forever but you were only what 27 28 you said there's there's no perfect there it's impossible to be perfect as a parent and and no matter what you do you're going to fuck up it's impossible to be perfect as a relationship yeah we've been together 15 years I yell it every day She yells at me every fucking day. But at the end of the day, she knows I love it with all my heart. She knows I have 30 fucking things on my mind, and she knows I would jump out of a fucking window for her.

And going in, she knows that. We've already gone through this. I wish there were cameras in your house all day. Oh, please. You know, I quit coke because of her. I wasn't ever going to get married again. And I broke down and married her because I knew I had one of the best, or she had my back. And if you're fucking crazy, you don't think part of your success comes with who you married.

and the people around you. Again, this is the people around you. These are the people that make you want to go out there and make a living. They make you. I never want a Terry to pick me up on the floor. Can you imagine this poor girl with blue eyes waking up in morning, pissing and going into their kitchen and seeing me on the floor with my arm purple and red stuff coming out of my nose? She'd never be the same again.

You know, bad things are going to happen. You don't invite them in. No. I didn't want that. You know what? I don't even want Lee to find me on the floor. There's few people who are going to find me on the floor. few people who could find people on the floor

dead and live their life normally after that. It's 10 years out of your life that you can't handle. How the fuck do I know? Because I found my fucking mother on the floor. And nobody in this life, nobody deserves to find a loved one on the fucking floor. Okay, natural causes, that's a beautiful

thing, man. God took you. You ate one too many cheeseburgers at two in the fucking morning. But for you to find a loved one who suffered a death, who had a cardiac arrest because they were doing cocaine in their bathroom. When me and Terry first met,

I got on board with some Howard Stern guys. Do you remember that? One of them being Casey, the kid who used to cut himself and got fired from Stern. And Casey called me one night and he goes, I want you to go to Long Island and book this gig. You're going to go on Howard Stern on Friday. We're going to promote their gig,

and we're all going to make a bunch of money. I forget who else was on the show. It was Norton's buddy, Jimmy, the one with the heavy metal station. Jim Florentine and me and these two kids And the one kid that was a promoter Was a cop Fucking nicest kid in the world

Just a beautiful fucking daughter Beautiful baby Two girls red hair ponytails They dropped me off at the hotel Do you remember that? Well we went back to their house We went back to their house And we switched cars

The one guy drove me to the hotel You know the next morning I woke up to the guy who we switched cars died that night before I got in the plane and Long Island. Remember they sent me and checked a month later? For no money, it was like 200 bucks. There was like 19 people at the show. There's so many stories.

I cannot possibly. Oh, my God. So if you had gotten in the other car, you would have died? No, no, no, no. He died. He went inside. It's like me going to you. Hold on one second.

I'm going to go in my house. Go start the pizza. I'm going to go in my bathroom. The kid went in his bathroom, did a line of Coke and had a heart attack on his bathroom and died. So you're there waiting for me that night to celebrate. I was in my whole. thorough. I had to get up at six to take

a flight out of fucking Long Island. But that's how quick it is. These two kids that had known each other since Skinner Guard, he went over back to the house, went in the house, the wife was sleeping, the girls were sleeping, open the bathroom, found his friend on the floor, overdose from fucking

cocaine, a cardiac arrest. Till this day, the kid doesn't talk about it. It was his best friend. So, this is the reason why. At the 10-year mark, at the 9-year mark, I proposed to her. You have no idea. There were years

in there that I thought I'd find Joey dead on the living room for. Or he would be dead beside me in bed. So why did he stay? Where was I going to go, Lee? We watched the story of a 60-year-old guy. Her and I one night. Watch this thing on discovery,

you know, dead stories or dead people. But a guy who was reading a book outside. His wife went to bed first. he read read a book and he fucking went into bed and he had a heart attack in his sleep and they couldn't figure out why he had done a line of coke and laid down you have no idea how fucking lucky i am but that was 90% of my reasoning for stopping was i didn't want her to find me anybody else but if i died in houston that's fine i didn't want anybody else to fucking find me i didn't care about anybody else finding me but this poor woman and you know a lot of people say why do you stay a lot and i was no prize lee you see me now and the me you know now is not the me that was with joe diaz in the early days i would drink an entire bottle of jack daniels by myself and smoke maybe two packs of cigarettes while i was drinking that bottle of jack

and I had no compunction with it, and I would do it every night. Then we met, so we saved each other. And that continued even with Joey. You think that the comedy store was just my cocktail wagering job? I worked where I could get free booze, always, up until I was 35, until I started to work at the L.A. Phil. The L.A. Phil saved me on that one. I got a job that I cared something.

thing about that I cared enough about me to pull myself up out of the gutter for. But I was in the gutter right there with him. I was just on a different drug. Did you ever think? Because

not wanting her to find you could have happened at any point when you were doing it. So what changed at that point do you think? Change what? Like what made... Because any time you did a line, you could have had her find you. Like what made that matter when you

decided to quit. Well, you have to eventually stop doing a line so your head clears up a bit. Because if you're just going to sit there, what a ton ass. The Star of Dead! That's why you should watch live. Yeah. Yeah. It gets him a little itchy talking about Coke.

You've got to stick a star in his mouth. Just, I wanted to bring my wife in here today. just to let you guys know what was going on. It's my 52nd birthday tomorrow. And I'm just really happy to be doing this fucking podcast with you guys today. That's it. This is all that today. And I really want to talk to my daughter because I wanted to talk about Jacqueline

because you guys fucking initiated it. So there you have it. Let's say you talk. Are you going to use your old name or new name? What do you mean? What? Well, they changed her name, you said. I don't know.

Her name. I thought you said his name. I was like, what? I don't know what her fucking new name is and I don't know what's going to happen. We're going to call her Ray Ray. I'm just going to do what I have to do and put the ball on her court

and I did what I had to do. Now we've got to deal with my fucking missing niece. Oh, Jesus. And you know, like I said, one of the reasons why I stayed with my wife is like in the very beginning one night and one of her drunk stupas she said she could really see

that I didn't have a mother growing up. I could see where. And that's the first time a woman had gotten under my skin about my mother. like I would let somebody talk about my mother her saying that to me I just looked at her I didn't even know what to say and I went to bed and didn't say nothing for a few days

but that made me love her more because it was the first person that was that honest with me that made me fall in love with her faster I like when people are honest with me I don't want you know I don't like any other thing I like that honesty but there's a way

for people to say it on that particular day she said it just right that it didn't blow me out of the water. Do you remember saying that? And I didn't understand at first, but after I met her niece, when I saw how much she needed a man in her life, because what happened was her sister,

met a guy, they ran off, whatever, were in love, she got pregnant, they broke up, the guy I went to jail, my sister, my aunt, my sister-in-law moved back home. She had the kid, and she's raised a child at the home with the grandparents. And I think the world,

I mean, I think she's beautiful. I think she's smart. She's funny. This comes as a shock to me. She's making her bed. These are mistakes that 18-year-olds make. Some 18-year-olds decide to drive drunk. Some of them decide to date inappropriate men.

Some decide to date lots of them. Some, you know, it's a dumb mistake. It will not define her. her for the rest of her life. No, it's something she's in now. We're trying to figure out what happens now. Fuck the rest of her life. What happens?

I'm trying to figure out how the fuck to fix this now. Well, right now, we calm the fuck now. I heard when you were talking to your sister before, and you're like, is this going to, who gives a fuck about now? Now we've got to figure out how to get a home and how to patch this fucking problem. But she ain't even actually left home for real. No, she didn't pack her bags. She didn't pack her bags.

I bought her a brand new pair of Jordans for Christmas. They're still sitting at her mom-and-out. She left the cat out. All she did was left the fucking cat out of the bag. Yeah. So we got to figure out how to fucking do this. If the Jordans are there, she's not going on. You know, me, I feel like sending her a plane ticket and bringing her out here.

Yeah. I got one problem with that. What? I got one big problem with that. One, I have a two-year-old in my house. Yeah, her name's mercy. And I don't want no fucking problems. And number two, I don't have the tolerance.

I will throw her the fuck out. I will throw her the fuck out. Yeah, she's... The same way my uncle threw me at a 21 years old. She needs to get her head wrapped around herself. And so she just, you know what? Let her fall on her face. That's the best thing you can do for her right now

is to just let her fuck up. But she's not fall on her face. You know what she's doing, brother? No, they took her phone from her. She's filling that void right now. Yeah. Okay, that's what she's doing right now. She's looking for something to fill the void.

And she's been looking for somebody to fill the void. She likes older men, whatever. She leads that. She needs that hole to be that. There's a hole in her fucking plug, you know, in the wall. You got to put one of those plugs in the dam, you know? That's all it is. So until she finds that, I wish her luck.

I love her regardless of what she does. She just doesn't have any confidence that she's a big enough plug for her own hole. You know what I mean? She thinks that someone else is going to have to fill that void for her. She's going to have to wake up eventually and realize there's nobody going to feel that. You're going to have to fill it yourself. See, the voids I had filled I always needed a mom and I always needed

a dad. But I got so much love from the friends around me and so much belief from the six friends that I did have that that filled that void for me and that let me go on. That let me progress in my life, you know? Look at the shape of you. How fucking high are you already?

I'm pretty high. You're not going to make it to the show at the ice house tonight, are you? Oh, shit, that's tonight. Oh, I do want to go. That's a good show. That's Christ. That's who I said to you, eat the chocolate.

because I wanted you last night. Well, the chocolate was too big. I'm going to. I'm going to. That's a good show. Fuck, yeah, that's a good show. What time is the show? 10 o'clock show. Bill Bird, Tom Sagarra. I want to watch the whole show. Ari Shafian. Look, at least rubbing his belly. Oh, it's a good show.

Oh, yeah, we're bringing the whole fucking bag of fucking bag. I'm thinking of my dinner later. We're bringing the whole bag of Anarchy Edibles up there and let the party out for Ari and shit like that. He's dosed you before. You know what I've gone through? He's dosed me. Yeah, you know what? I have the good sense to know that he's about to dose me. me and I just say no. When are you going to wake up and realize that that's what's happening?

No, no, but he's talking about, dosu you means when I fucking give it to you without you knowing. I know that. No, you don't know that. Yes, I do. I gave you the banana bread, but you knew. And I gave you the other thing at the wedding,

which you knew about too. The brownie. Which brown? Oh, tell him about the first time that I, before the medical marijuana license, I came home with that. You and I were having a conversation. and Andrea was over the house.

It was a Sunday night. No, you didn't make dick. It was a Sunday fucking night. You made the brownies and I made the French fries. Listen to me, Dorn. I fucking made, I didn't know what I was doing, Pete. This is why I mean you fucking momos on the road, come up to me and go,

we don't have no edibles about here. Yes, you fucking do. You have a thing called Mexican brown. That shit makes tremendous fucking animals. You got to get it, cut it with a scissors. Cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it as fine as you can. and get a little frying pan, put a little bit of olive on there, a little bit of butter so the butter don't burn. And on a low flame, you just leave the fucking shake in there.

And eventually it'll bubble up and that green, the THC comes out of it. So I would mix the brownie and I would keep pouring it in. My wife's like, I don't know. And we kept making it. It was a Sunday now. How am I supposed to know? I don't make the stupid pot-bris. And I'm licking the spoon.

And listen, before that brownie came out of the fucking oven, I was already fucked up. I was fucked up. This was at 2, 3 o'clock in the morning. Oh, my God. We were still fucked up at 6.30 the next night. That happens all the time with this. I had to go to work. Andrea and I had to work the original room at the comedy store.

The girl that slept over, slept over and stayed there all day because she couldn't leave. And more the same clothes to work. That's how strong the brownies were the first time I had brownies. She kept getting up and sitting back down. This is 20. 2005, right? More, 2003. It was 2003 before long as you are.

2001. That's how long have I made these brownies. How many milligrams do you think they were? Oh, my God, I don't know. Oh, it's terrible. It doesn't matter. You've seen the original room on how packed it gets. We're the only two waitresses to that room.

On a Monday night. Sunday night. Sunday night. That was a Sunday night. No, we got high on a Sunday, and we stayed in on Monday all day. What's it a holiday? Something. Yes.

Because it was packed. Yes, it was a packed day. We went back to house. It was packed Monday night. We made the fucking brownies afterward, Lee. It was too in the fucking morning. It was awful. Oh, my God.

That's the first experiment I ever had. My friends in Houston would tell him how to make them. Well, you should feel bad now for giving it to the waiters at some of the comedy clubs. We were watching. We were watching Law & Order. And I was so, I was like, this is either the best law and order. And it was in my head. Like the whole time, the dialogue's in my head going,

is this the best lawn order ever? Am I the only one watching this show? Oh my God. That's the first time I made brownies. It's the worst thing. I fucked myself and my wife and her girlfriend up for fucking 12. Yeah, because at 10 o'clock the next night on Monday night I was still high. Like I was, it was, I could still feel the hum in my fucking ears.

That hum that Michael Coliani had before he shot Salazzo at the Italian restaurant. Right. That's the same hum of my head of my ears, like a whistle. Like, ooh. Like that type of shit. I love that. It was like a slow, like sleep deprivation, hum all over my body. Oh, it was tremendous.

I'm experiencing that right now. What are you going to eat today? You're going to go to the skinny kitchen and get that disgusting buffalo burger? Oh, God. No, no, no, the bison burger is pretty good. Oh, Jesus Christ. But no, I'm not going to get that one. I'm this high.

What are you getting for dinner today? I don't know. I bought a whole bunch of groceries. No, I can't care pizza. I wish. No, I got a whole bunch of groceries because I'm trying to cook you. at home more. I was trying to do. So I got a whole bunch of stuff yesterday, so I'm trying not to

go out for the whole week. You went to the gym site? Yeah. Wait, no, not today. How come you didn't go to the gyms? Because my iPad didn't have charged, so I was going to go later, but now I think today might be my day off. Why don't you go nice and go nice and fucking lit the stuff like this? How funny is he when he goes to the yoga high? Does he get old goofy?

How funny is it that he's shaking this entire room with his legs right now? Oh, I do that everywhere. Oh, my God. I can shake a plane with my been shaking, the whole car shakes. I can't feel it. You don't understand. The whole car, you're just sitting there like this at a red light, and the whole car is shaking. You're like, what the

fuck? Knock it off with the damn foot. Now, go to sleep with that at night when he's sitting there and his feet are like this. He's got the roughest, scratchiest, gnarliest feet you have ever seen in your entire life. They're like, this is what's going on on the bottom of Joe Diaz's feet. He's like, honey, get the nail clippers.

When I go on the night, sometimes the nail catches a calf, like a little hoof like a cat and shit. You cut her every night? Fuck you. You know what I got him for Christmas? You want to know? Sox? No.

Laser treatment for the nail fungus on his feet. And I got it. That's what he went. That's what he asked for. That's what he called for. She says, what do you want? I go get me a deal from the laser to fucking blow torch my fucking toe, the fungi that lives in there. That's where we're at.

I looked like the last night. The fungi is going away. The fungi is going away. This is love. Lee, unless you have somebody who's willing to deal with the fungus on your toenails. Thankfully, I don't have any yet. You don't have love in your life. You will.

I will. What does it look like? What happens? It's black and it looks like a tree bark is growing like up that's pushing your nail up. That's going to happen? Like, you know how? You've seen trees that have like the mushrooms growing at the bottom. Right.

All right. Imagine those mushrooms growing up under your nails and pushing your nail up. It's like coral. Looks like coral. That's what it looks like. Well, I should get the coupon now. I should get the coupon now. Oh, it's so rough.

Did you hear what Ari's doing today? What? He's going to the grove to see American sniper. But he's head on his podcast. They're all going to go and, like, just boo with a movie. Just like when it gets bad, they're going to groan. When it gets bad, he'll be booing from the beginning. That's what he said.

He said it's terrible. So they're going to go and be a joke screening. They're going to laugh at all the bad minds. I wish there's a fucking sniper right now. shoots all those dumb motherfuckers, acting like fucking jackpaws in the movie theater. Because that's what happens sometimes. You get some guy that's having a fucking bad day,

he pulls out one of those fucking the same, the cousin to the guy that showed up in Colorado, Batman's cousin. I hope he's in that fucking movie theater right now. I think you mean the Joker. The Joker's cousin, whatever his fucking name is. So what's the next move with your fucking niece now? What are your parents trying to do?

What is your aunt, your sister trying to do? My dad called the guy's house, and his wife knew nothing about it. What? so the guy's still married evidently okay so we have a fucking problem oh yeah it's worse for him

like she'll get over it she'll go back to school it's worse already because one well one of the professors at school kind of already thought something was off and was already going to go to the dean of course it's off you always get weird around people you're dating or something

so they were already going to go to the dean before this even happened and now it's just you don't understand it's she this is the latest in a long line of just bad mistakes with her education.

Like, she's going for a chemistry degree and she's very smart and she's doing really well in school. But now everyone's going to look at it going, how well is she really doing in school chemistry wise if he's her teacher? Yeah, she'll probably have to transfer. it's it's you know all the all the professors there are the men professors going to look at her sideways and the women professors aren't going to look at her nice at all this is this this does nothing good for her this is no no good comes out of this for her it's amazing that this

girl i have no blood with her like i have really no blood with her and my other niece is like kelly and alissa but i love them all the same you know but this this i'm fucked up right now with this. Like it's just, I like this girl. Yeah, I mean, listen, for me to fuck up, not having a mother and growing up in North Bergen and people around you doing drugs and maybe growing up in my mother's bar, this was an easy equation that I was going to have a problem somewhere accordingly of my life. I knew this as a young man. I knew this. The alcohol, you know, but you get this child who, all right, maybe she has been, maybe she has been a little kept from society. She's been sheltered. She's been sheltered. But she'll have another half of a minute where she's the only kid in that fucking neighborhood? No, but they only, she's probably, she's probably, I'm bad at you. I'm just thinking I'm bad at life right now. She's probably one of the few in, there's the difference between being raised in a small town and then being raised sheltered in a small town. Because you're already sheltered because you're in a small town.

You can't shelter them even further because when they finally break free, just a little bit. it. They go bananas. I know because I was there. Yeah, but you didn't run away. You didn't fucking... But her mama did. Why couldn't you motherfuckers foot loose it? Just get some start dancing and get a Volkswagen and dance. Because that wasn't enough. I mean, we went crazy. I mean, like I said, I would... Look how much freaking booze I poured down my throat. And my brother did the same. He had two DUIs. My sister ran away. All three of us did. Do you think that comes from being sheltered to me? Absolutely.

it came with the threat if you ever stepped out of line you were going straight to hell and then the moment you got sight of the line where you could see where you could step off or you ran off you didn't step off you ran off as soon as they weren't looking you got just a little bit of freedom you just ran away because they taught us to be independent, strong, smart people, but never fuck up. And so the chance to get out of line at all, to see if it's like a devil's advocate, if I step off this line, am I really going to fuck up? Is it really going to be as bad as they say it is? Let's find out.

Now, that's where it was. You know what I went through a grown-up. You know, we've laughed at stupid stories of us putting bricks on the street and putting leaves over them and a car would hit it. We'd giggle. That's not a bad kid. That's just a stupid kid that wants to have a good time, you know. If we had done that, we'd have got our bell.

I also know little kids. I also know, you know. So when I look at Mercy as a parent, Joe Diaz looking at Mercy, oh my God, I don't want her leaving the fucking house in my world. I want to make money so she doesn't even have to. I mean, for a long time, I was even taking a homeschool, or DiAgostino's homeschool. Did you know that?

Right, yeah. You know why? What happened? He was telling me, him and his sister's a homeschool. There's something happened. So I always live with that fee. I would fucking not forgive myself. But then this is the flip side of the coin. How many fucking times at 10 I went to New York

and my mom thought I was at a karate tournament? And I was in New York, you know, walking into a peep show. Or, you know, how many fucking times? And guess what, guys? I'm fucking here. How many times at 12 that I do T-Roddy? C. Crystal and go get off the bus on 42nd Street and walk to 178, like take a cab or take trains all the way up in between. You know how many fucking things going to happen? I'm not even

talking about when I was an adult later on. That's bullshit. There's a thousand people walking around, oh, I could have died from doing drugs. Shut the fuck up. I'm talking about from the age of fucking 10 to 15. Do you know the messes I got myself into that? Oh my God, I seen two of my friends die. Before my mother died, I seen two. All my friends die. One died the way I'm telling you. See you tomorrow. See you at school.

And he went out shopping that night. He got hit by a fucking car. And the other one fucking died swimming on T.HC. fucking crystal. So part of me wants to shelter mercy. But the other part of me, you know, everybody's online today. Joey and Miss Pat. What are you going to put him on the podcast?

The best stories of life. If you listen to Miss Pat's stories and you listen to Joey Dia's stories, that are sad as fucking stories. You've ever heard in your fucking line. They're called life. And that's what happens in life when you go down the wrong fucking turn. That you get pregnant.

How old was she when Miss Packed and pregnant the first time? Like 12 or 12? By a 25-year-old guy. Then he got a pregnant again when she's 15. That's a horrible fucking story. Finding your mother on the fucking floor is a horrible story.

Be kidding that somebody with a machine gun. It's a horrible fucking story. But I learned. I learned about life. I want mercy. I could fill in the fucking blanks for mercy the same way I feel. them for you. Well, do you think it's crazier now?

Because, I mean, obviously I wasn't around them, but it seems like there's more like crazy people shooting up areas now. It's always been crazy. No. There's always been guns. There's more media telling you about the kids. So it was, like, it's not like there's more now, it's just we have everything. When you lived in Boston, you knew about Boston.

I remember being a kid when the people shot the McDonald's in San Diego. That was big. You were a little girl, and you weren't even born yet. Like that, you got national coverage on. When Jim Jones, Poisoned guys. You went home and you saw that. But somebody shooting somebody at a Walmart, which didn't exist in.

It was either like an Albertson or a shop. It existed for us. It existed for her. That was completely different. You didn't hear that right away. You heard that four days later, you disregarded it. Like, I'm in the Bronx. I got my mother's dry clean in the Bronx when I was fucking six.

Yeah, no, you didn't hear. If it happened more than, I mean, you heard about the hostage situation, the hostage situation. and I ran the all that stuff you heard about because it was on the world platform. You were four where they blew up Oklahoma City, correct?

But if some... 88 wasn't when I was born. No, yeah, so you were six. But you didn't hear about every time somebody beat a little kid to death. Right. No.

You do now. I was young, so I don't know if I was just missing it. But, and I'm nowhere near wanting to have kids, but like I meant Paul and it's something that could happen now. And I think about it, like, how, like, I was in the school. my senior year of high school, this kid stabbed another kid in the bathroom,

and we had to go to the cafeteria and then go home. Like, how could you, like, when you're about to send mercy to school, and you have to, and Paula made a joke, but it's true. Where she went to school in England, they didn't really have in-school shootings. Well, we didn't have in-school shootings, but I can tell you that two kids sat on a train track and got hit by a train that I went to school with. Now, mind you, I grew up with a class of, my senior class had 45 people in it,

So when two of those people, you know, you got a high school that has a maximum 150 kids in it, and two of those kids just got hit by a train. And then another kid has a four-wheeler accident. And like there was four kids in that four-wheeler accident. One got killed, one got maimed. You know, we may not have shootings, but we had lots of tragedy. We had one kid commit suicide.

You know. But the thing is, like, the thing that she was joking about, and we talked about, is, is you probably want to send mercy to, like, a good school in a nice area. And that seems to be the places where... I want to send her to public school. Like, that's where these things seem to happen, not like the bad areas. First of all, let's get something straight. You get shot anywhere.

Right. Yeah. Every day I hear about a kid getting bit by a dog everywhere. You got to teach your kid to be aware. You got a kid, teach your kid to keep their fucking eyes open. You know, I yell at Terry. Ten million times. Terry takes life different than I do, and they stole her cell phone out of her purse and Target one day. I know my wife. I watch her. I can see how many times I can pick pocket on her if I was a thief.

You know, I'm looking at the holes. I want her to pay more attention. I get mad at it. And I love her, you know, and she gets it. Eventually she gets it. Little things like that. I could tell Mercy about it. I can't teach her until she goes out and sees it. It's hard. Like we were at the zoo today. And all these little kids. are walking next to their parents, not holding their hands, being very well behaved. And I'm like, I need to let Mercy out.

I need to let her walk. Have you met Mercy? Mercy takes off like a bat. And then I'm like, that's it. Mercy, I'm leaving. Come on, let's go. She's like, wait. Wait.

And I'm like, no, Mercy, we're not waiting. Come on. Wait. Takes off like a bat, bro. And then she's like, She turns and runs in the other direction. A shotgun takes off. Oh, my God.

And there's school kids everywhere. I've got a two-year-old. I have to run after her with a stroller or just abandon the stroller and run after her in the zoo. People are looking at me like I'm a nut. But I'm like, how am I ever going to get her to learn that she can't run off if I don't let her run off a little bit? She can't run too far ahead. But I've got to give her a little freedom. I give her freedom, but I worry.

That's, you know, we just put her in daycare, and I had to go to the daycare twice. This is Joey Dia is telling you people this. Like, usually, I don't know what school she goes to. I went and checked it out and looked at each teacher and judged the teacher. Like, does she have a felony? You know, I went to these places. You just went and stare at them in the aisle. Oh, yeah, fuck you.

And there was two Spanish ones that made me help. I had to vet them first. So I went to like six different schools. Yeah, she went to a couple of them first. And then I picked just a few and said, Okay, here's my top pick. We're going to go there first. I just imagine, Joey, you have, like, a friend at the DMV somehow, somewhere,

and you get them $200 and you give them, like, the teacher's names. Oh, my God. I had to go, and there's one teacher there that's kind of creepy. I like the other ones, but she's all right. Mercy likes her, so it all works itself out. I don't even, yesterday I walked to the Y, and every piece of me wanted to walk by the school, but I had to stop myself from walking by the school

because I have to break that thing off. Does she get upset when you drop her off? Yes. But she gets, no, I won't let him. No. She gets upset if he's going to go, if he drops us off in front of the house and then goes to park the car, she gets upset to see him drive off. So what do you think would happen if he dropped her off? Oh, you can't even imagine.

No. But both of us. She gets so, because she knows I'm coming back. Joey goes home. Joey will go for the weekend. She gets more scared to see him leave. She doesn't understand that? He's going back yet?

No. That's why I leave early, so I have to spend half the day with her. I don't want to see him the days I leave. I leave when she's asleep, so she wakes up and doesn't see me. It doesn't think about it. It doesn't think about it. She doesn't think about it. She'll probably come to the realization, but she won't say anything.

But when he comes home on Sunday, she's a little mad at him. Even at this age, I can tell sometimes by her eyes. But she gets over. I'm also coming to a realization that in a few years, if I'm still on the road, I'm going to have to take her with me at least one time. I already know. I know what a Diaz is like. That'd be so fun for a kid.

I know that one day she's just going to go, listen, man. I'm not going to do this unless you take me with. Clearly, you never traveled with Mercy. Yeah. So you got to. Well, I'm going to have to get a little. I see how parents do it. They have the, it's the same way adults.

You have to be prepared. You don't want your kid to yell and scream. You don't have a fit. You got to be prepared. I get prepared. What does that mean for me? Weed, lighters, rolling papers, water, iced tea with the lemon and the sugar already in it,

a couple fried chicken cutlets, the cable, the Roku, you know, the computer has to be, the Wi-Fi has to be coming through. If any of those things are missing, Terry Clark, we're all the same. You have no idea. I'm already having to put my checklist together

before I leave for Easter on the things that I have to do for Joey before I leave. So he won't call. me as soon as I get to wherever I'm at, to yell at me because the Wi-Fi isn't working as if it were my

fucking fault for some reason that the Wi-Fi decided to stop fucking working and that I can he called me the other day from Indiana? No, where were you? Austin, Texas? Somewhere at the computer. The computer? Let me ask you a question. So

I got the password for the hotel. No, I clicked up to disconnect and then I press connect. And it's supposed to come up. A sign's supposed to come up. If you're at a Hilton, it comes up H.H. Hilton. And it says room number and high speed internet. Click here or high, high, high speed internet, 9.95 a month. So I click the fucking arrow on the bottom. The thing pulls up, and it shows you all the Wi-Fi's that you could go to. The one that's yours, you press, connect, and all of a sudden, a screen pops up. It takes a minute, or you got to keep hitting the

fucking left thing, and the screen comes from the left-hand side. Not this one. fucking day. I'm dying to get the fucking info from my Gmail. Some guys sent me, and I can't because the thing won't send it. In the middle of all this, he just pops up by itself. Then he calls me and goes, honey, can I ask you a question? So, I got the thing

for the hotel computer. And right then I'm just like, oh. I don't fucking know, Joey. I'm not there. I don't know what this computer is like. I don't know anything about this hotel. I don't know how their setup is. I don't know And I don't work on Windows 8

I hate Windows 8 Me too And it's on Windows 8 So I don't even know what I'm supposed to be Even with Even his laptop at home I'm like I don't know

I can't even get over to the stupid menu Because you've got to drag it And it doesn't come half the time I'm like I don't know I don't fucking know either And I don't want to answer the question But you get mad at me

Because I don't know Who the fuck you don't know about computers? I don't know about computers. I'm a burglar. I don't know about computers. You should ask Matt Fultron. We were filming an Instagram video, and my phone was full, and it took me like two minutes to clear it, and he was pestering me every 15 seconds.

You're supposed to be the king of electronics. Yeah, because he's got fucking videos on there from old podcast. Let me give a shout out to everybody. You're on the ship on him? Oh, God. Which ship am I abandoned? It's four o'clock anyway, because the baby's ready for you. Oh, my God.

God, I've been here forever. Yeah, why the only stays? I love you, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before. Thank you for coming in for your honesty. Uh-huh. Thank you, Lee. You're welcome.

Thank you very much. I love you all my heart, baby. Give me kiss you, savage. I ain't giving you shit. Dirty bitch, but he's kissing the shit. We're getting the ass. We're back, motherfuckers. Cody Wheeler, I love you.

Tom Bowwater, Peter Garcia, the Sandman, Alberto Jimenez, Andrew Miller, and Yusidra. I love you. I don't know if I'm saying it right. Sesto or Cristo, whatever your fucking name is, and Dead Squad, Nashville, and Dead Squad, all over the motherfucking world. I love you, motherfuckers. Thank you for being a part of our podcast today.

Always a fucking pleasure. What's up, dog? How are you feeling? I gave you a little piece of chocolate. It was light. This doesn't feel light. It was delicious. Then you ate the star.

You were fucking troupely. I fucking love you. What do you got playing for the weekend with Mama? No plans, yeah. She's actually a little bit sick right now, so I don't know if I'll see her. Got cold. What's the story?

You just turn her head the other way and you give her a stab, but she'll cough that way. Remember when they used to feel you nothing in the sixth grade tell you to look the other way and cough? Oh, you're just there. You figure or you make it look the other way,

let's it. Okay. Does she go to class today? She did, surprisingly. Good for her, man. Yeah, this situation today with my... She sent me a picture today of her. student loan page, she gives

over $100,000. And that's on, she's only two-thirds of the way done. Oh, yeah, you're done. And I just saw the bill, and I was like, I felt less bad about my little bit of student loans. You could turn that air off.

No, it's fucking freezing it. Okay. I feel like a fucking penguin in here, you know what I'm saying? Listen, man, no student loans. They add up fast. And sometimes, hey, listen, it's like they fucking do them on purpose. They just give them to you at one point after that.

somebody already gave her without a job 100 grand even if it's law school she'll pay it off in three fucking years they're the biggest scam is them and all the insurances I just go 100 fucking grand oh my god I held like six grand that one time and I felt terrible this is a child out of fucking college

I owe 20 right now but that's What did you all? What's the original? Well probably like 30 but my parents we each split it in a third so it's more but my part's 20,000. You owe 20 Jesus? What do you pay a month? 170.

Plus another? So I play 270 because I have two loans. How much is the amount of one loan, if you know, might be asking? I'm sorry to put you. 20 grand, and the other one's like six, so it's almost over. What's the sixth one? A Jewish Foundation.

I applied for like a scholarship, and they gave me a no interest loan. Really? Yeah. So no interest? They just lent you the money for the goodness of that. Yeah. I'd apply.

We're a weak, fucking Jews. Not even charge a half a point. What kind of Jews are they? Well, they only do it for Jews. They don't do it for no. Fucking disgrace. No other people. Give them the money and wipe your hands of those people.

You don't want to hang out with those type of Jews. Not even a little big, not even a half a point to keep you alive. You know what I'm saying? Keep the lights on. No, that's good. A hundred grand. There's a lot of money out there, Lee. They give students.

There's a lot of money out there to go to school. People just have to be savvy and apply for these fucking. Well, savvy, but at some point, like, imagine in 16 years when Mercy's going, it's going to be like $100,000 a year for regular college. Hey, that's why she's working already. I got the type and shit and filing.

I don't give a fuck, Jack. You should put her in some baby commercials. Listen, man, it all works itself out. You know, I hear a lot of parents go, well, that's Lee's. I'm just saying your name. That's Lee's College friend. You know what, man? Half of fucking people go to college don't have the fucking money. And they figure out a way to go.

and they do the best. And you know what? They learn a tremendous fucking lesson in between. I don't believe in... And today is... Let's pretend Mercy was 18. And Mercy came and talked to me. Believe it or not, right now,

after me talking to you and me being around Diagostino, and me being around a bunch of younger guys, because I ask everybody, what colleges do you go to Tom Segura, Christine, Rick Ramos. All these fucking kids are college-educated comics. Okay?

I always ask. And I'm very, I would tell her, do me a favor. Don't make a decision until you're 20. Go put away 10 grand. You can live at the house for free. Do whatever the fuck you want. All you got to do is pay for your car payment to gas and put away 10 grand in two years for school.

And then decide what the fuck you want to do. At 20, if you want to go to college, we'll do what we can. If not, you got 10 grand to get an apartment and start your fucking life. And you know the value of a dollar, You've already lived for two years. You know that you've got to pay bills. You know you have to do certain things and have responsibilities.

And now I think you have a better grasp on it. You're sending a child to college at 18. Let's pretend your parents had the money, Lee. And they just paid your way. Got you a little car, you know, nothing fancy, paid for your apartment. Will you still be the person you want today? No. Not at all.

I lived in a town where kids were getting BMWs at 16. and crashing them, getting more. And I got very lucky. My dad made a lot of money when I was really young. And he put away, I had a big piggy bank, like a huge one in my room. And I never got an allowance. But my brother and I, he said a big piggy bank. He got like Disney World.

And every week he put 20 bucks in it. And then he had a college fund too. So when I got to college, we cracked open the piggy bank and had a few thousand dollars. That was mine for spending money in college. And then I had like five grand or something. When was the first time you had a job? How old are you? 16. No, 14. That's the young as you can get a job.

But you told me about Rite Aid and a couple of places you worked at. I worked at CVS for two years. I worked at Radio Shack, RIP, and I worked at the movie theater. And then all through college, I worked at the movie theater and restaurants. I've always worked. I bought my first car. I actually pissed me off. My brother got my car when I graduated high school. My parents didn't have any money giving a car. So I worked at CVS. and I paid for it and then he got it I was like god damn

what they do to your car you bought him he no no I didn't need a car I was in Boston yeah I don't believe in sending a child to school the only way you could do it

is if they have this new thing where they have free community college for two years if that's free like that would have been cool I wish I could have done that pay no money for the first two years and then the two years

that matter for your major then pay a little bit of money I have two friends that have gone back to extra jobs to help their children go back to school. I have one friend that I spoke to the other day and I'm like, where are you out? He goes, I didn't tell you? I got a second job at night. And I'm like, you're 56 years old. You have a day job? Then you go work in a freezer

at night, the warehouse as a supervisor. But you have to be in this fucking cold weather all night, year round. And then I have another friend who is son, default on a loan, 100 grand, 150 grand He owned Penn State. So my friend had to go out of retirement and get a job. He's planning on paying the debt. It's going to take him three years.

God. To pay the fucking college debt. So it's tough out there for a fucking pimp brand. I understand that colleges need to make money and it probably cost a lot of money to run a college. But at a certain point, it seems like it's going to be ridiculous. Do you think that the education

that you get a... Penn State is anything different than the education that you get at Valley Community College? Or is it what the student does with that education? It's what the student's allowed to do. Because going into a... The only thing that ever mattered on my resume, you've talked about it saying that no one ever asked me. Yeah, it just shocks me.

I'm just ashamed. The only thing that matters is just like a stamp on a passport. So the only reason to go to Penn State, for some things, then colleges do have special things that are good at. but for most degrees, or for the most part, if you went to, like, let's use a state school, like UMass versus Boston University of Boston, B.U., Boston, BUS University, there's not really much of a difference, probably.

It's just the name brand of the college. I don't know. It fucking scares the shit on me. Anyway, I love you, motherfuckers. Thank you for the great week and podcast. I want to thank my wife. I want to thank Lee. I want to thank you guys for really staying on me. I'm calling my daughter.

You guys made me all brand new with this. This gives me a second. That's one last thing I got to fucking worry about it. Like I said, we're not fans of nobody here. We're a fucking family. We're a network. And we scratch each other's back. And you guys elevated me to get the balls to do it.

So it's not a one-way street. Thank you very much for the church. And thank you for eating the stars. And thank Anarchy. And let me thank some fucking sponsors here. my main motherfuckers over at Onit, always making it happen. I heard a great rumor about Onond. I can't release it to you people, but they're definitely fucking winners.

They did that test on Alpha Brain. Hon. It's the real deal. Joe and I were laughing on the phone the other day about my blood type, and I go, listen, I know this T-8C, and I know this fucking Shroom Tech sport. I got no steroids in my fucking blood. There was nothing. On it is that fucking good, man. Today I rolled around Jiu-Jitsu.

I went down to Unleashed with Dave. it and I went crazy with him down there and I couldn't believe how much more energy I'm getting from the shroom tech. It works, man. I'm really in fucking shot. Go to honor.com. Just go to the website

and see all the things they have to offer you. I can't get you a deal on the fucking jumping up in the ropes and all that stuff. But on minerals, you got 10% off coming from me. Go to the box and fill in what, brother? Church. Church, C-H-U-R-C-H. You get 10% off your first order.

Definitely looking to stay on. where you get everything delivered right to your fucking house. No must, no fuss. Also, Iron Dragon TV, my main motherfucker, Dave Bowley over there, making a beautiful fucking Roku channel for you, motherfuckers. If you're into classic martial arts, stop fucking around. This is the Roku channel for you. And what I'm going to do for you, if you go to Roku tonight,

if you go to Iron Dragon TV.com, I'm going to give you two free motherfucking rentals. What are they pressing the box? Joey. Joey, J-O-E-Y, gets pressed the motherfucking box, and you get two free rentals, classic kung fu films, you can't fucking beat them.

Also, your underwear, how much long are you gonna look at these fucking things with skin marks and morph marks and little holes, you filthy motherfuckers? Then you get worried when a chick dumps you. It all starts from the fucking inside, out, motherfuckers. Go to be undies.com. Tremendous, women and men underwears.

They fit tight, they're ergonomics, they're comfortable. Today I wore all those old cotton white ones, the jih Tzu, my nut sack was popping out. That's the day, but I haven't called up. He's like, put you in up in the way. Not if that don't happen with Miondi's. My shit's tight.

My nutsack stays and everything stays ventilated. Do me a favor. Go to Miondi's.com right now. Look at the selection of women's and men's underwear. They have. They also have T-shirts. They have fucking I wore my Miondi's t-shirts to Jiu-Jitsu today. They have some great stuff.

Sweatpants. Comfortable as fuck. And at this point, you get free shipping, correct? In the United States. In Canada. In Canada, you get 20% off. Don't believe me. Go to Mienddys.com.

See what you want. Go to the box and press in. Joey. Joey, J-O-E-Y and get 20% off your first order with free motherfucking shipping. That's beyond these. Also, we all like something for free. Hell yeah. We don't do, especially when you're stoned to the gills.

Somebody brings you some Italian bread with a stick of butter. Who's better than you, right? Fuck all that shit. I got something better for you and healthier. Naturebox.com. And right now, NatureBox will give you a free fucking sampler. Three little bags, two big bags delivered right to your house. It's going to cost you how much.

A dollar $9.97 for shipping. You're shipping. You motherfuckers been complaining lately. Oh, it's not free. What the fuck you want? They're going to change your fucking thing. They're going to give you five free bags of stuff worth over $30. You're going to pay a dollar.

Stop being a fucking cry, baby, little fucking fag. Go to the fuck you laughing about, cuck, sucker. That's a great ass. Yeah, go to naturebox.com. Today, can get your free sample box sent right to the house delivered, and that's how they do it. First Joey. Every motherfucker month.

So stop fucking around. Go to Beyond these... What is it? NatureBox. What the fuck am I talking about? Go to NatureBox.com right now and get your free sample bag. Go to NatureBox.com and press in. Joey.

Joey. And get 10% off your first order, right? No, free. No, free. Fucking free. What am I talking about here? You got me all confused with your fucking... You know, you giggle like that fucking dude.

Go to BeyondDies.com. Go to NatureBox.com right now. And get your free motherfucking box of goodies. Right. Sent to your house. right to your door every month. Nutricious, nutritious, nutritionist-approved snacks, the rock your motherfucking world.

Again, I want to thank On It, Iron Dragon TV, Beyond These.com, and naturebox.com. Do you guys see what's unfolding in front of your eyes, people? Do you see what's unfolding in front of your eyes with this Tracy Morgan thing? What happened? They didn't let them perform at the 40th anniversary of the thing. They said he's not that good of shape. I guarantee Tracy wanted to go out.

He's got Jew attorneys that said, if you show up there, Walmart, we'll be watching, and they're going to fucking, they'll use that against you when you go to court. That's an old Jew trick. So that he was okay enough to go on the show or something? Yeah, they'll say you were okay to walk on the show

because he said he'll never be able to perform ever again. That's to get a big number. They'll do the times. What were you making a year? Three million a year. How old are you? 28 years old. He still had 22 years that's $2 million a fucking year.

You're following, you understand how Jews work, brother? I feel you. I'm just trying to teach you motherfuckers little fucking Jewish mentality, you know? So that's how it's done. So just, Tracy Morgan's okay. I mean, he's fucked up. But Walmart's going in heavy. And so is Tracy Morgan.

Tracy Morgan got to go in heavy. I didn't know he wasn't, I didn't know he didn't perform. I thought he was there. I have, no, I don't, I didn't watch it, and I've never really watched SNL. They said they had a tribute to him, but I wasn't a young, an Arsenal guy?

No, it wasn't going on as young. Oh, okay. All right, no worries. I never fucking knew. My parents, my mom really liked it. You're looking good, brother. I'm happy we had a good time on the podcast this one. And we all learned something about fucking life. All right, cocksucker. Stay black. Have a great weekend. I'm going to be at the

Crackers Comedy next weekend in Indianapolis. And the weekend after that, I'm going to be in motherfucking hilarities in Cleveland, Ohio. I'm going Back to the O. So if you're in the local area, come on by and see me. Besides that, I'd like to thank on it. Iron Dragon TV, me undies.com, and NatureBox.

I don't want to thank you guys for listening today. Have a great weekend. Stay black. Remember, Uncle Joey loves you. Now that the show's over, don't forget to go to naturebox.com and sign out to get your free sample box of great tasting, healthy snacks.

Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like barbecue kettle kernels. Go to NatureBox. dot com slash Joey that's naturebox.com slash joey go to meetundee.com and check out the picks of all the different styles of underwear and for the girls they have hot-looking boys joints right now when you go to meondies.com slash joey you're to get 20% off your first order with free shipping in the United States and Canada go to on it.com use co-word church to get 10% off all of their great optimization

products and go to iron dragon tv.com and use co-word joey to get two free rentals of all the great martial arts movies.