The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #268 - Emilio Rivera, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: March 26, 2015

Emilio Rivera, Actor, on Sons Of Anarchy and Traffic, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.This podcast   is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. ��Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for a free trial box 
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Recorded live on 03/25/2015.
 Music:
 The Cisco Kid - War No One To Depend On - Santana

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They have boy shorts, which Joey's not a huge fan of. But they have all different styles. They have T-shirts, socks. You don't like boy shorts. I don't know why. You keep saying that shit. Boy shorts. Because that's what it's called.

You're sending out the wrong message. What's the message? I don't know. Just fucking keep talking. Go to me on d.com slash Joey and get 20% off of your first order. And they're also going to give you free shipping in the United States and Canada. Also go to onit.com. When you go to onit.com, use code word church ticket.

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old stuff. They have new stuff. Dave Foley was yesterday last night. When you go to iron dragon TV.com, use code word Joey to get two free rentals. Oh shit. What is this shit? This is live. What is this? A movie? It's like a music video.

No, no, no, no. This ain't the right one. The fucking war. Cisco Kid. I did. It's right there. It's the top one. You're slipping tonight.

The microphones ain't working. The microphone was working. It's all the music. That's all the music. You said top one, dude. You believe this shit. I can't even see what's in front of me. How are you going to choke?

The first one on the thing when you press in Cisco Kid. I did that, dude. No, you didn't. That's not the first one. I was looking before. Why are you slipping on it? me to us. That's it right there. You see it? Bam, there you go. There you go. See? Here you go. Pops up. It's March 25th. Is it March 25th? Double-checking, baby.

It's a beautiful day to be alive Wednesday night. Amelia Rivera. Lee Syatt slipping already. Oh shit. How old were you in this came on? You were a kid like me. I think I was 25 years old. No. Yeah, brother. Yeah. I used to Cruze my bomb to that jam, brother, all the time. Are you serious? Yeah, man. Good times. Just came out 30 years ago? Yeah, at least. I thought I was a kid.

We used to go to Lincoln Park and watch and play all the time, bro. That was a Cinco of the Mile trip every week. I mean, every single of the mile until somebody, two people started getting killed, you know what I mean? So they're from here, locally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they're from a little bit all over, you know? And they're still playing the Colorado band now, brother. Yeah, I see the guy on the plane once.

My compadre, he did a show with them about two months ago. It was really cool, man. I wasn't able to go. I was out of time of my brothers win to go check him out. A little black dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I flew with him one time.

Is that right? Yeah. He sat next to me and stuff like that. It was great to see him. They're called the low writer band now. The low writer band. They're still out there doing it. What's up, Amelia Rivera?

How you doing, brother? You know, fucking beautiful. Trying to put the pieces to get a nice day in California today. It was beautiful, brother. Oh, shit. It's going to be like 90 for a week, right? I don't like it like that, though.

I like it like it cold. I like it. I like it cold, but I'll tell you what, this morning I came out at 8.30 and it was already hot. I know. It was like, it was like, Florida. It's going to be 99 this week. That's what Paul said, like today or tomorrow. Yeah, it's supposed to be hot either.

One of those days, yeah, that's it. Wow, yeah, I don't like it like that. That's it. That's it. No, a lot of people. Hey, listen, how lucky are we? Can you imagine spending the winter in Boston this year, maybe? I know, I know. So, you grew up here, right?

Oh, my life, pretty much. Oh, my God. We got it made, brother. We got to bed. You know what I mean? This is too easy. I mean, if you lived in fucking Nashville, you got to hide from tornadoes

and the rain and shit. If you live on the East Coast, you got all that snow. If you live here, we worry about earthquakes. Yeah, but Northquakes ain't nothing, brother. You just got to duck the shit, you know what I'm saying? How many earthquakes you live through here? As many as they've been there since 1972. The big one is 72 all the way till now.

Now the big one in 72. That was huge, brother. It was even my driveway came up like this to a point. It was big. The one in Northridge was big, but I think that one was bigger. It lasted longer, I think. 72. Where were you?

I was in my house, my whole family. And it was the first one I ever had. And I was a kid, bro, I was like, what, 12, 13 years old? Scared the shit out of me. But after a while after the years, it's just duck, man. I mean, be sure there's anything going to fall on you, and you're going to be okay, man, you know? And unless the ground opens up, you know, and it swallows you, you know.

I was terrified of them when I got here. People made fun of me because I was terrified. I never experienced that. I'm from Boston. Exactly. And I have a kit. I have, like, something I have my cartes in case. I have a couple changes of clothes or something.

And Paula and her mom, who are Mexican, make fun of me every time. They bring it up like two times a month that I have a kit. Because I'm terrified of them. Oh, you have a survival kid. Not much in it. I have a change of underwear, a change of pants, and like some granola bars in a water bottle. Just something. You got to carry a lot of water, but...

Yeah. And remember this, so, remember people don't know this, but you know if you ever need some water, remember, you got whatever, how big your heater is, water heater? you got about 50 to 75 gallons of water that's untouched, bro. So remember that. You can drink that. Okay. I don't have access to it.

It's in my apartment. But I'm terrified. We'll get there before anybody else does, bro. And the power goes out to? Everything, bro. Excuse me? It was done, bro. The transform was blowing up.

It was really. I thought the world was coming to when you're a young kid, you know? And back then they had hippies. The world is coming to when they, remember all those in the back in the 70s. So when that was going down, I said, damn, it is coming to an an, you know. So when the power goes out? this stay out for? Well, at that time, we had so many aftershocks.

It was like about two, three days in different areas, you know. Some places longer, but we, you know, just to have a bunch of candles. And what's cool about that, man, is that the family got close. You know, all of a sudden, you guys, you know, the family is close because you're scared a little bit, you know, so your mom and dad and the kids were all together. And that was, that felt good about that. That's why I liked that part of it. You know what I'm saying?

Because you got to try to get close on your family, and you're not that close to your pops, but then, you know, he's there. to take care of you. How many brothers and sisters? I'm the outers of eight. Oh, shit. You're a real Mexican man. But at the time, there was only four of us, you know, because I was, you know, back in 72 and there was only four of us born then, you know?

Wow. Yeah, man. My mother came from nine. In Cuba, and the one bedroom, you know, that's fucking, that's rough. We used to have 16 and two, and two-bedroom pad, bro, so I know what you're talking about, brother, you know? How many two a bedroom, kids? No, you know, I slept in the same bed with my brother until I was like

11 years old. I know, except at the feet, you I'm saying, you know, one side this way, one side the other way, and then next to us with my two sisters on another bunk bed, and they step, you know, head to, you know, to feet, you know. So it's like, I guess I always had to sleep with somebody because, you know, I can never be alone because I said with my brother's so long, you dig what I'm saying? It's a trip. When I was a kid, you know, my mom had money when I was a kid, so I had my own bedroom, I had my own, you know, air conditioner TV, so I never really knew until I went up to my aunt's

on my Godmon, 148, and I would see how those kids, and I would go. to their house and they'd have a fucking fan. And there'd be eight kids in the living room, the parents would have the bedroom and the spare bedroom was close. And at night, like, I remember going over to like a tan and seeing the whole family in the living room with no t-shirts

on, just sweating and the sun and humidity. And going, this is fucking, and I never said nothing. So you had it pretty cool. I joined. Growing up, I did like, till then my mother died. And that was the reality when I was 16. But until then, yeah, my mother,

that was the only child. You know, when my dad died, he left money. So that carried my mother. Plus, my mother worked. You know, she had the bar. So my mother, we have a sister in Cuba. Were you a spoiled kid, though, bro?

Absolutely. Really? So the biggest thing, the best thing that happened to me was my mother dying. Because I would have never made it. Wow. I would have never made that. I mean, I hustled a little bit,

but I was spoiled. It was little things I wouldn't do at that age. I'm never going to do that. and all of a sudden three years later I'm sleeping in a mattress in the basement with dog shit next to me, you know, and that's the cold reality of it. But I never wanted to have money.

I was always ashamed because the friends I had on 140s you didn't have money. I understand that. So it made me very shameful, so I would never really talk about it. I never, when I was up there, I would wear bummy sneakers

and I would wear regular shorts. And if I had money one day, I would buy them all sodas, and they'd say where I'd get it from, and I told them I worked at my mother's bar or something, you know. Yeah, man. But I was always very ashamed after seeing how,

I was fortunate as far. Wow. I would get home from school and there'd be a babysitter and she'd make me a hammond. So you had it made, brother. Fuck, man. Yeah, and I would sit in my own room with a television and a record player, you know.

And I had my own bed. And it was, and then I would go see how these other kids lived. But that education in Harlem taught me, Those motherfuckers taught me how to hustle because their parents didn't give them any money for lunch. They just sent them out and they had to go do their own thing. So these guys had different scams every day. They ran, they swept for this guy, they carried ice for this guy, they cleaned this guy's windows, then they played. You know, they really had the science down.

So it really taught me a lot, you know. They were Puerto Rican, all these kids, a couple Irish dudes, a couple Jews, you know. And it was just very interesting to see how the other side lived. You know, and my mother always reminded me because she was Cuba. You know, she was poor. She grew up poor. So she, you know, I remember saying, like, I'm not going to eat that. And she'd go, can you imagine if you were in Cuba what you'd fucking eat?

Do you have any fucking idea what they eat in Cuba? Nothing like this. Like, I don't want any steak. She would lose her fucking mind. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Is that right? What do you mean you don't want a fucking steak? You know what they would do for a piece of steak?

in Cuba, an old piece of steak, meat that's even bad already, you know what they would fucking do? So it's a cold dose of reality, you know? You see other kids and how people live. It's crazy. Paula's parents, whole family live like that up until

earlier this year. They had someone sleeping on their floor. And her and her cousin share a room and they have no AC down there. I had no, and it's so close to where we live. And I'd never experienced anything like that. Yeah, it's a trip, you know, kind of like, I mean, we hadn't had anything for a long time, you know, until basically I got out of the house and I went to the Army and stuff, you know, and you start getting a little more comfortable.

But I appreciate everything now. You know, I'm glad I grew up the way I grew up because everything I have now, I appreciate, I take nothing for granted, brother. You dig what I'm saying? And but now, I guess I'm a little bit spoiled because I like, I like to be comfortable. You dig what I'm saying? I don't really like doing I don't know man It's just why I'd be uncomfortable

When you don't have to be You dig what I'm saying? And I work for it now You know what I mean? But that's one thing my dad instilled in me I was working since I was eight years I was paying rent since I was eight years old I used to make $30 a month

It was a dollar a day And when I got paid I gave $15 from my mom for rent You dig what I'm saying You know and $30 a day That's back in 1960 I was 8 years Like 68 What are you doing for work?

I told me the paper brother throwing the paper that's when you threw the paper bag and the big old bags on your bag I had the biggest I had 52 houses I threw for and but the first payday night

that was a lot of money for a kid you know 30 bucks so even giving my dad 15 bucks I still have 15 bucks in my pocket for the month you know what I mean

Now in those days you had to collect the money too from the paper Yeah that was fucked up You know what I was fucked up You know what you did throw it on my fucking porch You did what's fucking man

dude come on your fucking paper's right there in the fucking cement You know because you're good to go And um but once in a while you had some good tippers too So, you know, I just knew my dad knew I was getting paid $3 a month. He didn't have to know if I made an extra $10 in my pocket.

You did what I'm saying? So it was good, you know. They don't have that normal in this country, the paper route. They don't have that number. And it's so important to the kid because I wanted to do it in my neighborhood. And the guy called me when they goes, listen, I don't have a route in your neighbor. I've got one of the neighborhood over and this was really hilly. You know, when I come from New Jersey is the second hilly city in the country.

Oh, is that right? Oh. You're looking them calves out of our brother. Thought when I was a kid and I walked all those hills. When I go to the doctor and I always says, Joe, you know, for a big guy, you got a strong fucking heart. I'm like, this those fucking hills when I was a kid, just walking those hills in the winter.

And then the first, like, I delivered in January one year and in the cold. You got to get home and sort the papers out and put the appetizers in them. That Sunday paper, bro. That Sunday paper. That Sunday paper, bro. But it taught you character as a kid. It taught you how to do something.

Of course. And that's what these kids today do not have at all. By the time you were 13, if you were going to be an entrepreneur right there, you did something. You fucking did something. You know how to deliver papers. Then you figure out another hustle. There's got to be another hustle.

Shining shoes, too. That was another thing. I was good at it. I still shine my own shoes, brother. I love that. Hell yeah. You know, my mom had the bar and I tried to shine shoes. Nobody would let me shine their shoes.

He probably fucked them up. They got somebody's shoes up. You can't shine a horse puppy's brother. Shit, I fucked up somebody's shoes one time. So I gave up on that when I was a kid. I sold lemonade and soda. I did everything I could as a clean yards but we came out of yards

That's nothing to cut lines When I lived in, when I moved to Jersey From New York City Because when I lived in New York City there ain't no yards to clean I never thought about that There's no shoveling I lived on 205 West Dadey 8th Street There's nothing there

It's a street next to Broadway When I moved to New Jersey That's where those kids taught me how to hustle Those fucking kids were What do you call that middle class Blue Collar Yeah yeah yeah

And those motherfuckers were doing something every day. And some of it was legal, and some of it was legal. But a lot of the time was just to help out of the family, too, bro. You had to go out there and work, bro, you know? It was like peer pressure. You want to have good sneakers? Your parents aren't going to give them to you.

One day you just realized if my parents aren't going to give me the fucking, what did you talk about Michael Jordans? I'm not to go and make at the $80. And you go out and make the $80. Some kids sell drugs. Some kid delivered a newspaper. You know, when I was a kid like that young, there was really no drugs to sell.

You got to a certain age. Once I got to a certain age, then I had to sling some fucking drugs. Why not? What was the first drug you sold? Well, you know, it was not until I was later, bro, really at the end. I sold on cocaine only, you know, and I only, not to make money because I was already making decent money. It was just to stay high. To stay high, you know, because it was a, I had a bad habit, so I had to sell it to six days.

When I was a kid, the big thing were black beauties. Black beauties, we could talk shit. Yeah, we could talk shit. He used to fucking snort that shit Just the black beauty He used to burn the fuck out of your nostrils over Remember that shit? Yeah

But it would get you good man You know One night I snorted like 18 of those motherfuckers And I drank a bottle of Zamboca I was sick for a fucking week I went to open house And I drank Zambuca Which just

I never heard of that shit But I used to get you I used to get those pills For $35 for a thousand Are you serious From a black beauties From a college student That they made them by the thousands

And I was selling them for a dollar apiece or $35 to $100 for the wrestlers. You had a fucking hookah book because we used to pay $20 a row. And a roll was $10. I mean, no, it was $20 of them for $10. I used to go, and that's when I read it. I used to sell acid. I used to buy it for $90 for 100 hits,

and I'd sell it for $3 a piece. So I'd make $210 per every hundred. I would sell $200 a week. I would sell two of those a week and $100 fucking up to the dollar. and I would sell $2.34. So remember, after I saw... You're fucking working in it, bro. Bro, when I was a kid, I had put it together.

I always liked it. Wow. You know, I didn't like dangerous shit. I liked it easy. Well, fucking, no, no, but that fucking acid was some fucked-up shit. You're talking about the microdod or you work in the plotter? I always saw Microdot. That was the best.

That was my shit. That shit used to be good. They used to make you hallucinating shit. You did? Oh, fuck. Wow. Microdot. And then I used to get the blotter.

They had four-way acid. Every time I went to these dudes, they always had a ducid. different acid. That's what they did on the week. During the the week, they were college school. It was the change. They just changed the paper. That's how it was. Give you a different look, you know. I had a buddy used to buy 100, 100 hits at a time, a sheet, and him

and his two brothers would eat them all in a weekend camping trip. That was crazy. That was crazy. Well, there was a four-way hit, right? It was a bad at four-way. I took three hits. So that's the equivalent of 16 hits. No, four times, four times three, 12 hits. I took it hours of

three fucking days, bro. On the third fucking day, I'm fucking seeing shit, I'm hallucinating, bro. I'm on my own now because, you know, it's just that I'm all fucked up, you know what saying? But, you know, when you turn, you just go, Oh, my God, I loved all that shit. I loved going home and listening to music and being all fucked up. It was a you, you were in your own world.

Then you cry for an hour, then you come back, dude. And then you would laugh for about three hours, and your fucking cheeks would be hurting your shit. And you look in the mirror. Watch yourself disintegrate. Oh, my God, you watch yourself disintegrate. Remember that shit? Remember that shit?

Oh, my God. I remember one time I answered the phone. And there was a mirror in front of the phone at these people's house, and I'm talking. And all of a sudden, I look in the mirror and I just started melting. No way. That's what the fucking song. That's what happened was they put too much fucking speed on it.

And now isn't there just too much fucking speed. Oh, my God, Lee. Back in the day, it was a trip, you should. Yeah, it was a trip, man. I'm going home. Wait, like, literally, like, the entire your body is enough. And so what do you see? Whatever you wanted to see, it was pretty much.

Whatever you wanted to see. Whatever your mind could think of, bro, and if we thought about it, it wouldn't take much. That sounds terrifying, it's tremendous. It's tremendous. Because the whole thing was, you just as long as you knew that you were on fucking drug. If you knew that, you're going to be okay because some motherfuckers never come out of it. You dig what I'm saying?

And that's what's scary about it. And they live being on like an acid trip? They're being a fucking man. Yeah, in a mental institution, fucking robbing the wall that's not there, you know? I had a friend who put his hand through a window and whatnot on that shit. I did that. You know why? Because I thought this guy was giving me a dirty look. Right side.

Fucking knock him out. I almost cut my finger off and it was me. I'm looking at, bro. Because the fuck would disappear when I hate that window. It was a reflection of me. It's fucking crazy. Joe Lucci Busted a fucking window with his hand Dirty stitches Tendence

He went Oh my God I love that stuff And then towards the end We were crushing it up In a pipe And a smoke of a weed After you took two or three hits

You fucking really see the devil You have no idea I love that I love that stuff You know Then cocaine came And cocaine just knocked everything away You know we were doing shit for $3

And then cocaine came For $100 and just all that shit it disappeared. There was no market. Everybody was a dealer. Why am I selling this shit to make $200 and I could sell one fucking thing and make $50? So that's what happened.

Everybody just smartened up. Wee, look at the shape of you. So that's probably why these edibles don't really do much to you. Why? Because you were taking triple hits of acid and then smoking an acid weed bong hit. Oh, my God. That's crazy shit. It was some crazy. You know, I got, coming up, May 15th, I got 25 years

a year's sober, bro. You know what I mean? So I missed out on all this extra. I never tried to exercise. All that shit came out after the fact. And now I see all these people doing these edibles and smoking all these, like, 30 different kind of weeds nowadays. You dig what I'm saying? But my tolerance was so high, bro. You know, I really needed a lot of dope to get me fucked up. You know what I'm saying? I'm sure probably not if I took a fucking hit of weed. I'll fucking probably do. Oh, you hallucinate. He's like a head of weed. I'm okay, brother. I'm going to step back from everything. 25 years. May 15, brother. And it changed your whole life.

It really did, Joey. It fucking really did. It's hard to believe when you. you tell people that your life has changed 100% since you quit doing it. Bro, a whole 180, brother. I mean, shit, pro. Well, I'm listening to you right now and, you know, shit, pretty much we'd like to,

I mean, we would around together back then, you know what I'm saying? Because we like to fucking freak out and shit, you know, I was always, I was always going towards the max. The fucking max, bro. Oh, I love it. Let me, fuck, if I died, he saw it went on a good one. That was my whole fucking mentality, you know? And, but now,

what are you doing? Why would you cut more? He got me off. Jake, I got him psyched out of it. This star is 6,000 milligrams of THC. It was. So I cut 3,000 off. And that's what's left,

1,500. Are you fucking serious? So that's some dope right there. That's some dope. This will kill you. Is that right? It looks like some hard jello, bro. It's hard jello.

Is that what it is? That's all this is. That's all this is. This is the few. You know what? But you're okay with it I mean you can I can go home now

And write a fucking book later Is that right? I'll go home What I do This is what I did This is let me tell you What happened Why I wanted you to come on tonight

Because I'm a comedian I'm out at night You know what I'm saying I'm out of fucking And one of the fucking best comedians Brother around But I'm out at night

We're out at night You know You're in the daytime Yeah Yeah yeah So shows come And shows go You know

You don't fucking know And one day I'm leaving the house and I'm hearing of motorcycles on TV and I go, what the fuck are you watching? And she goes, I'm watching, San Danik, you should watch it, your friend's on it. And I go, what fucking friend?

I got no friends. She goes, Amelia's on it. You got to watch this show. So that was like season after Ireland. Oh, actually, you're on season four now, yeah. So that was after Ireland. So I watched an episode here, and I would ask her, tell me when he comes on.

You know, I'm in my room getting ready to go out. You know, you're making little notes. I'll say this. Of course, yeah, yeah. And she would call it. And she would call him. I come out, you were gone already. You know, something I'd watch, wow.

And then I started watching it. It's Tuesday night. Yeah. So what we started doing was we would go to yoga and get home at 7.45. And we would, instead of watching it, we watch it 45 minutes ahead, and we take the commercials out. Right on. Okay, yeah. And then I got into it.

But I saw you a couple times. You came on the podcast. I couldn't really talk because I would just see seasons. Now when I go home, so what I did for a month and a half is I got Netflix, which is fucking tremendous. I got to get it here. I go home at night, and I just started from day one with sons. Oh, you did? Day one.

And I saw you in the pilot, and I go, what the fuck? I thought he came on season four. I didn't know you were in the pilot. So I changed the whole thing. Now I got it. I watched the whole beginning. I watch it. And I got to tell you something.

I'm a fan of the Sopranos. The Sopranos really hit home with me because I think that it was a great show. They really wrote it. Like, listen, no Mafia stuff came out after that. That's it. They haven't done nothing. You know you're right now. They covered every base. They exhausted every base.

They took the mafia all the way up to 2009. The problem with these people that are making mafia movies is they're still talking about Nikki and Angelo. It's 2015. There's three guineas left. The Russians are out. It's a different thing. But people are still coming with scripts about Nikki and John Gotti.

It was 30 years ago. That's not going to work. I always thought that I would watch Sons and I would go, wow, the beginning when he was, would talk Charlie over with a narrative and he would write. And he said some interesting stuff and then the Pope thing came and he went and the other guy.

Then the finale came. And probably the night that the last episode came when he ended it like that, I was pissed off. What did you want to see? I was like, what the fuck is this shit? Why is he saving the black people? You know, there was so many fucking questions

that I had. So I said, fuck this. Let me watch her from the beginning. and in Ireland You already knew the ending For you, you did? Yeah, I didn't When you watch it, when he goes to the priest I gotta watch it again

Yeah, when he goes to the priest The priest breaks it down from The priest goes, I'm not giving you back The fucking kid, remember? And he goes, why not? And he goes, because your father didn't want this for you, blah, blah, blah, blah And then he goes to get the kid

And he leaves the kid And then the Irish guy Kills the couple and takes the kid And he told him This is how your life's gonna And that's when I realized how great the writing was. They knew it from the get. The writing was sensational.

Yes, that there's a badass. If you didn't fucking know in season four that she was going to kill that broad, that's when I caught it. In season four, I knew she was going to kill it. She threatened her in season four. She started breaking the balls in season four. After Ireland, they got in it. Yeah, and it just didn't avail.

And then, you know, bro, the problem that we have in Hollywood with is that they pick and choose about people who appeal to them. And then you got motherfuckers by the name of Jimmy Smiths that nobody remembers. See, I remember Jimmy Smith's on Miami Vice. Jimmy Smith sat a pile of Miami Vice. Ellie Long. This is way before L.A. Long. This is September of 80th.

He was a skinny Puerto Rican kid that played, he was married to a Cuban wife. He was Crocett's first fucking partner. And he goes to get the Coke from the fucking drug deal and the car blows up. That's how the pilot. Oh, shit. That's what happened. The black dude was in New York. The guy shot his brother.

Tremendous dude. Tremendous writer. The only thing that we have in our career is that we never got to work with that savage. The dude who wrote Miami Vice. It was Michael Mann. The dude who really wrote it was the Puerto Rican dude from New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That whatever his name wrote.

Martin Ferreiro, Pereiro, whatever. Miguel Pinero. Miguel Panero. Miguel Panero was called the road. Yeah. So he went to Miami. That's why he came. came down to Miami. They were both hunting. They became

Pollard. So what that tells me, my point is, Jimmy Smith has been on fucking national television for 31 fucking years. 31 years. What's the pilot of the fucking Miami Vice? September 24, 1984. Something like that. It was the night that

the Green Bay Packers played in the snow. I'll never forget that shit. So it was there. So that means... That's right. I remember that game too, bro. They fucking... They were just dropped off in the ball like crazy. Miami Vice Pilot. It on a Sunday... September 6th. Who the fuck you think you're dealing? 1984.

And they're dead on a Sunday night. And aired on a Sunday fucking night, guys. What pilot airs? And then they came to Fridays. Yeah. But the bottom line... That's a great show, man.

Jimmy Smith has been on television for 31 years. Nobody mentioned it. And there's scenes where you and him that are fucking phenomenal. I love Jimmy. Jimmy's a good guy, bro. You know, me and Jimmy worked together back in 1992 doing a movie called me Familiar.

Me familiar, yeah. You know what I'm saying? So it was good to revisit him again. And you know what, man? That's a humble cat, and you know what? He's a badass, bro. I love working with Jimmy. You know, he's ready to go all the time, you know what I'm saying?

And if he don't ask something, he'll ask you, hey, bro, are you okay with that? Like, you anything different, no, and right back out you, anything different, though. And we're good to go, bro. You know, he's a badass. He knows his shit. He's been around, brother. He knows his shit. Nobody mentioned him this year.

Me and my wife were sitting there going, look at this fucking guy. Every week he creeps on this show. He was nothing when that show started. He kept creeping and creeping and creeping and creeping. He had some beautiful scenes, all right? Yes, he did. Yes, he had some great fucking scenes. When he kills the kid, Rinaldo and those guys?

No, how about when he finds out Jemma killed that did the kill? He cried, like he started jumping up and not like a little baby boy, man. At the end, bro, I started feeling bad for his character, bro. Me too. It was really, because he was trying to get out of it, but because she kept on bringing him in and that pussy will do that to you sometimes, you know what I'm saying? Yes, you know what I mean? Oh, my God.

I can say that, right, bro, I can say. You can say whatever you want. That scene when he answers the phone and, Jacks is telling him what he did, and he hangs up the phone, and he tells him he's got to go, and the whole thing. Those were all beautiful fucking scenes. I mean, they were beautiful. He laid down, but nobody mentions sons of anarchy.

Nobody mentions Jimmy Smiths. They talk about the fucking, everybody likes the Puerto Rican chick on Modern Family. God forbid she don't do something. God forbid the two fucking chicks from Saturday Live don't do something. Amy Polar and the other one. I heard the one broad put a pilot out. It didn't work, so NBC let her bring the same pilot back again, And they're like, that is fucking crazy.

Nobody does that type of shit. That's how much they want to be in business with her. No matter what she does, nothing is fucking wrong. And then Fortune Fimster's TV shows with Amy, with her, whatever her name is. Right. No, it's amazing. And then you got a guy like Jimmy Smith. It just went from show to show the last three or four.

What's he been, before that he was on? The one with the killer. Dexter. Damien, Dexter, whatever his fucking name was Dexter. He, he been staying in business. bro. He's been staying. And one show that he had was called Kane, and that's the one season, which I think was a great show, and that got

canceled as well. What was on? What was... Kane. It was about the... He was, like a mafia kind of thing, bro. You know what I mean? It was really good, bro. I only saw a few episodes, but what I saw, he was killing there, bro. And my friend of mine, Oscar Torre was also on there with him. I think he was like his right-hand man, and he was doing a great job, too. But I don't understand. They didn't know. They give him a shot. They do great, and they pull the plug. I don't understand sometimes, you know?

Listen, man. You and I both know we've been around for a while. It's changing. TV's changing. Castings are changing. Things are fucking changing. And it's like the podcast. Nobody knows what's the next move.

But I know that this shit's creeping more and more every day. You know, if right now, if you think of doing some, a project, a TV show, whatever the fuck you think you're doing nowadays, if you don't include social media in your project, you're going to have a hard time. You've got to have a... Our boy. Our boy is on, he loves you to death. Eddie Veles. I like it. He wrote for you on Gangland.

Now he's writing a empire. He is. Fuck yeah. And he wrote the sixth and seventh episode, the fifth and six episodes. Really? Which were the best episodes. And, you know,

look at that fucking show. Look at that show. 16.5 million viewers, bro. First season. 16.5 million viewers. That's unheard of, bro. First season, you're my fucking breaking on. You said, it was just.

That's strong. The social media was tremendous. Yeah, they have, yeah. But they're pumping it up as well. It's all about the publicity as well, but it's very important. That's it. That's it. And they're pumping it up.

They pumped it up. They competed the dynasty, which... Well, I don't want to do that. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't that be something I wanted to prepare it to. Yeah. Really? They compared the dynasty.

They compare it to the dynasty. You know, the Jackson 5 mixed in that. Okay. Well, that dynasty was... They ran for a long time, too, right? Fuck, yeah. I used to watch that shit on Wednesday. Which was the Dynasty?

Dynasty was with Dexter and the fucking good-looking chick, the chick that Olivia, whatever the name is. Okay, I'm thinking about Dallas. And then there was Dallas. Dallas was on CBS. You got them all down. Oh, please. You watch some fucking TV.

I guess something, bro. Listen, when you're an ugly dude and you want to eat pussy, you got to watch those shows. You got to take a bullet for the team from time to time. You want to eat some pussy. You got to wait after Dallas. That's the best pussy you'll ever eat. I'm an ugly dude. I got a worker from every angle.

Some guy used blow. I use Dynasty. You understand me? That's just how we do it. What the fuck? You gotta say that somewhere, bro. The fuck. It's the truth.

It's the truth. In 84, I had this girlfriend that. If I went over there and watched Dynasty with her, she'd let me lighter on fire afterward. But I had to watch the whole episode of Dynasty. If I left the 1030, you got nothing. If I was a fucking rep job. She didn't give a fuck.

And I fell in love with this chick on the show that was Alexis's daughter. Mummy, she used to call her mummy. and she ended up marrying the dude that was in Starship Troopers and I did a movie with him and he brought her on the set. She was the Duchess of England or something. Like in real life, she was like this badass bitch that became an actress and they put her on Dynasty. Is that right?

Yeah, I forget what the fuck I name. Very nice. I even told her, you know how many guys loved you? Because in my neighborhood, they had... I used to go to that Chick's house, but there was a bar that would put Dynasty on on Wednesday nights and serve food. And it'd be like...

Was Dynasty? see that big of a head, bro. Fuck, yeah. What year was that, man? I'm thinking what the fuck was I seen. What was the dynasty run? I was going to say, I was getting fucked up in those years. Yeah, I was going to fuck up to do.

I didn't know what the fuck was going on TV, bro. I was on TV, bro. I was on that. I was on how about it. That's what I'm saying. 81 to 89. Eight years. Oh, wow.

Eight years. I stopped in 18. And you know, I didn't get sober until I was 90 to 1990. That's when I mean, I was always out and about it. I think I was watching fucking happy days reruns. You missed that on all that dynasty pussy. You missed that. I stopped watching

Okay, which is the one that had Charlene Tilton, man? Who was, who was that? Who was Charine Tilton? I know. What's Charlene Tilton? What's the Larry Hagener's show? Dallas.

Dallas. That was Shardine Tilton, no, Tilton. That was a good show. Dallas, and I used to watch Nott's Landing. That's another one. Nats Landing came on after Dallas. I know the names, you know.

I used to watch Beauty and the Beast with Ron Brun, Ron Prone, but that was a good show, bro. Beating the Beast. Remember that? Remember that? I never watched it, but I remember that. That's a good show, bro. You know, it's a good show, bro.

like I had a gap. I watched TV till 1979 until my mother died and then after she died I had no reason to stay home in there. Right on? I didn't watch tea. I remember people telling me about cheers. You ever see a show called? See it? What fucking

Cheats? Only bar I know is Joe and Marries. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? I never watched Cheers. I didn't, I didn't watch TV till like maybe fuck 90, 90, when I went to prison, I started watching TV in 88.

You got anything else to do. I started watching. I started watching that was lust in marriage and fucking America's Most Wanted. And criminals love America's Most Wanted. When you're in jail on a Saturday night, people watch it. You change that channel and put on Dynasty.

Don't break your fucking thing. Invicts love America's Most Wanted. Really? Convicts? Shit. When it's on fresh, on Saturday nights, they'll shoot you if you turn that fucking TV off. What do they do? They yell? Do they, like, they like, root for that?

Oh, yeah. They have a TV. As soon as you walk into the TV. the wreck area where they're watching TV. They already had the lineup for the night. You vote. But that's one show they ran for a long time. That's right. America's Most Wondon. That was a good show, though. I like that. I remember watching that. Cops is still out. When I was locked up, I started

watching America's Most Wanted, but the show that followed it was the one with Modern Family. That dude, the father. Peg Bundy. Peg Bundy. That was the big show on Farned. That was the big show. Married Children. That was a good show. I watched that. They play that at night now. It's a great show. He's funny as shit on that

fucking show. They were all good on that show, bro. They're very good on that show, man. That's a great show. The whole show. It was good. That was a great fucking show. And I remember, 95, 94, I was just starting to do comedy, and Legosamo got a deal. House of Buggin.

That was a good show, too, man. On Fox, six episodes with Lewis Guzman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, fuck, I got to get on with these motherfuck. Did you get on in? No. No. Oh, God.

I was so bad at comedy at that time. And I remember in 94, I went to New York, and they were doing auditions at where they go in Goodfellas? Where's he take it? What bar is he taking to him Goodfellas? The Spanish bar. Fuck, I don't know, bro. When they walk into Goodfellas, not the club Babalu, but whatever the fuck,

they had a Spanish troop. With Angel, it was called. Angel Sellers are? Yeah, it was called something. And I went down there and dug, they'd like, you have to do three impersonations. I paid $22 to park. I had $30 in my park.

You know, New York. I want you to say 15 minutes. All right, give me $22. Fuck. I ran in. He had the three impressions. And I only had one, a junkie, not. Really?

That's it. I had no impersonator. You want to do it? What? You want to do the impression? No, just me fall in asleep. That's it with a cigarette in my mind. That's okay.

And that's great. Thank you for coming and we'll call you. I knew they weren't going to call. Yeah, yeah. It was terrible. What was your first audition? It was for, um, Renegade.

My first audition I booked, bro. Renegade. With Lorenzo Lammis. Oh, the TV show? The TV show, yeah. Wow. Yeah. But I had done that theater already, you know.

So I was ready to fucking, I was like this country bully, you know, back, you know, like, and I was working with Jesse's Body Ventura, you know what I'm saying? So we're the town bullies trying to fucking kill Doreenzo Lammis, you know. When did you start in theater? 19. I got cleaning sober, bro. So as soon as you got cleaning sober, you said to keep me clean, I'm going to jump in the theater. I had to, I had to, first I started just acting, you know, coach.

I went to a commercial class and my coach, a Bernard Hilder, said, you know what, man? You actually got something. He goes, I got to tell everybody this because this is a, you know, it's a business. So they got to keep it coming back. He goes, but you actually got good stuff. And I want to work

with you privately. So I work with him like about another five months. He told me you guys started doing theater, man. You know, get a great foundation. And I did, and I started doing comedy as well. And so I was doing a skit comedy group because the name and color was really popular back And so the Mexicans were trying to do one, you know, Latinos.

And so I jumped in one of those. And it was good for me because I was such a hard-ass dude. You know, it made me break out of who I was. You know, go crazy and shit. You want to look at me. You know, like crazy shit, right? And so then they said the last factory had the Latino nights coming out. I think it was 92, you know.

So I wrote 10-minute bit. And I went and I auditioned and they had me there every Monday night. It worked out pretty good. Same fucking better I do now, you know what I'm saying? Except, of course, I've added more to it. But the first thing, I wrote it, like, I wrote my bit in, like, in about two hours. I went and did it, and then I killed. I killed it, bro.

And it was, I got so much confidence from that night. And then a year later, I did Renegade. And who was around doing comedy in 92 at that time? Oh, fuck, it was me. Paul. Yeah, Gilbert Esquivet. Because Gilbert said, when they told me to go over here, you know what I'm saying? And then my agent called me, said, hey, they're looking for Latino comics on a Monday night.

That's how long ago that was, bro. who else Carlos Monsia there was a few was Rudy Moreno was already out To me I thought Rudy was really big because he was already Opening for war and opening for Ice Q he had he had done He had some like names already you know

And then And then I started I saw everybody come in I saw I saw when everybody came in bro Because I got in early And when we used to do the brave bull We used to do the fucking black Angus Remember black Angus in Alhambra?

I used to know the black Angus Homie Fuck Good times right Good times Rudy He's got some great role Carlos Messia was there.

You know, whether it's Willie Barsania, Carlos Oscar, Larry Omaha, Raul Martinez. Raul Martinez. Remember what happened to him? He was in Texas. Raul Martinez at the end. You don't want me to tell what really happened?

Yeah, because I like that guy. Tall Mexican guy. He fell in love with a Mexican transsexual. No. Like a dick and a pussy. No. I swear to God. Raul?

Raul. He was in love. He wasn't telling nobody. Next time you see Rudy, He'd say, pull Rudy aside and tell him to tape. Well, she was right on radio. He was crazy. It was crazy.

Are you serious about that? He went back to Texas with his Mexican transvesta. They were doing drugs together. But the best was me, I got a call from, you know. A lot of people, you know, you thank so many people. Rudy was very good to me in the beginning. See you. Rudy Moreno, you know, he's like one of my brothers.

I feel bad about the Ice House. But Rudy did so much for me in the beginning. Like, for me. There was a point where I was living on a couch, and Rudy would say, listen, come down and pick up $40. $40 on a Friday. That's the kind of guy he was, bro. Always.

You know, to you people homegoing, $40 ain't going to save you. Listen, when you're living on a couch, $40 is cold cuts at Rout, some bread, some sodas, and some cigarettes. I was happy. Rudy, Gilbert, those guys. Gilbert had the VFW and Long Beach. Best fucking tacos ever in that truck. This is 15 fucking years ago, not this food truck invasion now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a Mexican in a van with an extension with a stove. He built in there. This guy made fucking Lee. You would pitch a tent if you had these tacos. I'm sure you've talked about them like 10 times. Oh, my God. Every time I see Gilby, I go, Gil, but we're doing the VFW.

I go $50 just to get the fucking tacos. Luke Torres. I see him. We were all together, but we're all together, bro, all the time. And it was tight. Did you know, did you get to do not K-Locos? Yes. I did get Loco.

In fact, I just put it up the other day until you. I think I did it with you. I don't know, because they just show my scene with the George Lopez and it brought me up, you know what I'm saying? And that was back in 95. No, that was back in 96 because I had just done Conair in 95. You know what I mean? So he uses that as my intro.

He's got a movie coming in Conair on the movie called Traffic, blah, blah, blah, all that. No, shit, no, that was way later, bro, because he talks about traffic. So that must have been in 2000, 2001. Yes, because I was in town already. Yeah, 2001. You did the other one. Did you do the other one for HBO? They didn't let me on, bro.

What was the name of that one? I know what you're talking about. I forgot what it was, but they said I was too dirty, bro. I used to be dirt in the beginning. I was dirty like a motherfucker, bro. I was dirty. And I would fuck everybody. They were like, hey, bro, you know, like, you know, an urban B on Jay Leno.

I don't get a fuck. People are laughing, right? I'm fucking, they're going, because I used to watch Carlson. He didn't get a fuck, right? He didn't go. So I said, and I would just talk about my, you know, sexual experiences and different kind of experience, you know what I'm saying? And I would get busy with it.

So I knew they told me, listen, bro, your material's too blue. But then there's clubs for this. I used to go to different clubs where they ate it up, you know? But now over the years, I just, I try, once in a while I let that blue shit come out, you know what I mean? But I have fun. It's more fun. I love, see, I grew up listening to Richard Pryor Red Fox and shit. They were always like that, so we know where it comes from, bro, you know what I mean?

That's my like, when I hear you, I love to hear it because you don't give a fuck. And I like that shit, you know what I mean? Why would you at this point? You know what I'm saying? Well, now it's just a, and now sometimes I get self-confidence, you know, maybe I shouldn't talk about this too much, you know? But I've had fun with it, bro. I had fun with it. The thing was is that everybody had something to say about something.

I didn't like that, you know? It's a rough thing sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's tough to deal with. Last night I had a hard time at the store. Did you really? Yeah, because I went to the store early. And when you go to the store sometimes, people talk to you,

and you're thinking about comedy. You know, I'm thinking about fucking comedy. I'm at the fucking comedy store. Yeah, yeah. I'm not at Joe's Pizza Hut. I'm at the comedy store. I don't know who the fuck's going to walk in here and who I got to follow. So I'm paying attention.

You don't think I'm listening to that comic. But you got to pay attention. You know, you don't know what he said. Maybe he'll throw something that I could use as a callback, whatever. Exactly. And people come over and they want to talk to you about scripts. Yeah. They want to talk to you about a web series last night.

Another guy, if I'd be interested in doing a video for YouTube. You know, and you just want to hang out. I love, why don't you email me in the daytime? I'm over here I'm in a different fucking head. You're working, bro. You're working, yeah. So it's just

that, that, it's, there's so many things, you know, it's just, then you have other nights when you go out and 20 people beat on you

and how bad their career is going and how you could help them. You know, it's always something. So after a while, you just want to go do your stand-up and get the fuck out of that.

You know, doing comedy at home and doing comedy on the road is completely different. Like, it's completely different because you go from the hotel to the stage, to the little,

things aren't in your way. You go there, you do the show, then you talk to the people, you take pictures. When it's here, it's different. I don't even like it sometimes. When I'm on the road, I'm fucking working. Sometimes when I'm here on Tuesday,

I don't fucking go into town, I'm home. You know, I got the fucking... But when I'm on the road, I'm fucking ready to go, you know? But I love comedy. I love acting, too. I love doing it all. I love switching up.

Sometimes you pop a movie. I love to call a club on and go, guess what? That date show that. up your ass. I got a movie. I'll be back. I'll call you next year. And they're like, what the fuck? I love all that. But listen, man, the work is dried up. I mean, I got older and I get calls for stupid shit, but it's not what it used to be for me.

I'll pop something. I'll pop one thing a year, which keeps me happy. I keep my SAG insurance. Level one, because at the end of the week, that's the most important. I get that right. I get glasses. I got a free finger up the ass. You get everything, right? You get the physical for 15 bucks. It's It goes up for like 2.30. But if not the finger in the ass is free, come on now. We do your blood pressure. We do your lungs.

We do that shit next Friday, man. I don't even want to fucking talk about the issue, man. You go to SAG? All the time, yeah. Bob Hope. That's where I go. I've been there for, I've been, I've been on the sagging show you know, for the past 22 years. I've been blessed where I always made the number one every year, bro, so I've been good, you know?

I always made it. That's the day one. Yeah, man. And I always try to book a commercial. There's angles. See, there's angles. Because you got to make. You got to make a certain amount of fucking dough.

And with all these SAG-100-a-Muies, those things don't fucking count. So you got to catch certain things. But now the union broke. So you have after insurance and SAG insurance. When you do a TV show, that's after like a motherfucker. I know, bro. And that insurance is a little less than Obamacare. Obama don't even approve after insurance.

It's so fucking bad. So you got to get SAG insurance. Yeah, yeah. And the only way to get SAG insurance is to do movies or to do a fucking commercial to. Commercials are good. Commercials? Commercials are good, brother. I went in one for Monday.

I didn't book it. I got a call back. I got put on the veils. Nothing. I was too young. Oh, is that right? They were looking for like 58, 59 Mafia dudes for Johnson.

They look good though, like that, man. Yeah, but they had a lot of guys that were bald, they were completely white. You know, their skin look fucked up already. You know what I'm saying? That's the work, brother. I still got my little Elvis thing going on,

you know what I'm saying? You keep in touch with the guys from the show. I mean, you were a big fucking part of the show. In fact, you know, I just had dinner last night with Dayton Kelly, the guy that pays a cop. He has a nice place right here called the black liquor market. It's a very good place, bro. I mean, in the Montreal Boulevard, you go check it out. It's really nice.

Selling them with tapas, and we went, it's his part owner. So we were there last night with me and, you know, dating the guy, answer, answer. The cop. Oh, yeah, I met him through Chas Palminteri. Good. Yeah, they're the good friends, bro. I met him on.

Men versus women. He had just shot the Paul Costellano movie with Chas Pomeroy and he was in the dressing room. You know, I asked him a few questions. He asked him what role I was doing. He was very nice. This is 20 fucking years ago. They go back here. In fact, we're talking about Chad's ass night.

I mean, dating and hang out with Theo. You know, Theo, right. He's out and talking to him. He's coming back doing a movie here called Lowriding. So we've been talking about that. And everybody's cool. The one at Tick, you know, the guy. Kim coach. We did a thing at the Trubador

a couple of months ago, you know, so, and Michael, of course I travel with Michael, we do a lot of autograph signings, and they'll book a lot of different people from different, whoever they want to book, they bring us together and we go to different towns. I got like about eight dates right now to go out and do some autograph signings, so it's really cool, man, you know? It's funny when I went to New York last year, I went to Gotham, and I was there

for two nights, and four people asked me about in New York. Like, you really know that guy? He's been on the podcast. What guy? They were talking about you. Like, it's great. Like, do you really know him or do you? We go back. And I'm like, no, I really know him.

So it was like in New York, they had a lot of love for you. And you were telling me one time you went back to New York and had never been there before and how cool it was and how wide open this. They gave me a lot of love and they really do. The only problem in New York is they got no fucking Mexican food. The smartest Mexican in the world is the one who invest in a Mexican restaurant in New York, but they got to keep everything cheap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you don't keep it cheap and you start like there's a place in then go.

with cliffs. It's not bad, but every time I walk out, it's $80. But no, in Brooklyn, check it on Brooklyn. I forget what street is. My wife's brother owns a pharmacy on Brooklyn. It's a real popular street, bro. And my brother-in-law, and next door to it is a fucking Mexican restaurant,

homes, right? So I say, you know what? Before I go back home, I'm going to get the whole family and I'm going to take you to his Mexican, right? I looked in there was real Mexicans. It was working in the motherfucker, right? Food was excellent, bro. I forget the name of the street, but I will text it to you next time you go down there.

And it's in the heart of the, it's a, it's a, the heart, bro. It reminds me of downtown L.A. It looks kind of like, it looks like what you see in the movies, bro. The fuck in New York, New York, you dig? All these Puerto Rican, Dominican people running down the street. Yeah, every time I go to a Mexican place, the Puerto Rican, dressed up like a Mexican. No, no, no, no.

No, no, no. No, no, Mexicans work on the kitchen. You got one of them here. What the fuck? I keep telling Paula's mom, she's moved to Boston. Yeah, daughter. That's, New York. They need Mexican food, bro.

Tacos Dorado, which are great, but they can make a whole bunch of, like, hand like easy to pick up foods tacos store are regular tacos and like uh enchiladas they would make millions I was saying last night to Steve Simone delivery service when when I moved out here

I didn't realize there were other tacos other than the hard tortillas with the ground beef look at this shit and the cheese my old lady she's Dominican from Brooklyn right yeah she comes out here and she thinks fucking Taco Bell is Mexican food brother I knew it wasn't Mexican food but I didn't

realize, oh shit, sorry. I didn't realize that what those little things were. Like, I never had cilantro and onions on a taco. Oh, my God. I gave some flavor, bro. You know, and like in my old lady, so then now she's, you know, with a Mexican, I would go visit my family and everybody cooks. And she's going, what's this?

I go, that's a real taco right there. You know what I'm saying? That's a burrito. That's a this and that. But let me tell you something, brother. My wife now knows how to cook Mexican food, but she has a little Dominican thing to it. out of the park What does she cook? Everything you name it, brother.

With the Dominican flavor. Oh, no, no, no. This is a deal. She makes her own little, her own little sauces on Monday, and she puts that sauce in all the food throughout the week, you dig? But she won't tell me what it is.

She went out of time me, she goes, well, she can cook for some motherfucking bitch? That's not going to happen. She won't even tell me her recipe, bro. And my wife, my wife kills it, bro. But she's got the Mexican dishes, and she has a little flavor to it. So good, bro.

So good. I love Mexican food, bro. You know what my favorite region is? Colorado, New Mexico. I like green chili on my food. Same here, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that green chili.

You ever get that New Mexico chili, bro, where they stuff them up? Oh, I love all. With the potato. Anything that has potato and green chili? What would you chicharon in that motherfucker? Get up by. One time I was in, what's above, it's Albuquerque. Albuquerque.

It's what's above Albuquerque. where I shot the longest yard. And the New Mexico. What's the name of that? New Mexico. Yeah, but where I shot the longest yard is in Albuquerque. It's the town up that's really nice. They have three big places in New Mexico.

How long were you up there for? Santa Fe? Santa Fe. Santa Fe is badass, and they got good food in there. They got good up there? Yeah, man. The food was good, huh? Yeah, Santa Fe got good food.

Yeah. You know what I, dogs? As long as you got green chili sauce, that juice, and I could dip my fucking thing in there and eat the chunks like Denver. I go to Denver. I go fucking bananas. You're going to travel all over the place. I enjoy it.

What's your favorite place, Brown? As a fat fuck. As a fat fuck. Just all the way around. All the way around. I can't give you a favorite place because I like so many places that I go to different things. I'm excited about Houston. Really?

Is that right? Houston Rocks, you know? I like Utah, man. I love Utah. I love Utah. Oh, no, no, no. Okay. Can't beat that.

No, no, no, no. Listen, scenery. I went to college. I lived. that went to prison in Colorado. That's as good as the scenery gets in this fucking country. Okay, there's no better scenery. Okay, yeah.

I'm like Denver. I like Denver. I would live in Boulder right now in my family and my daughter. There's only one problem. I can't get out of it. I can't count on that airport. Oh, digger, digger. Colorado, bro, it rocks them rolling.

From like October until probably March. September. September? September. September, you get one shot to let you know. We're coming. We're not coming right now. It's going to be 90 tomorrow.

Everything's going to melt. But we're going to drop 8 or 9 inches on you, just to show you. Yeah, I dig it. We're coming. And then they drop more in October, and then once November comes, until fucking April. April.

April 5th. You got to be crazy going through Colorado to about April. You know what I live in Colorado? Yeah. So I would live in Colorado right now. But that airport is too fucking Jackson. Too much snow. I got to cut that.

I like going to Denver. I like performing that. Cool motherfuckers. I'll be there in June. I like going to Texas. You know, at the end of the week, I got to be honest of you, the people who liked me the most as a whole were Texans. Texas, right, yeah.

They gave you a lot of love, bro. I'm not a lot of life. Yeah, they gave me all the Houston and Dallas and San Antonio and El Paso. But I cut my teeth in El Paso. I got VD in El Paso. I did the best blow in the world. I got a gun put to me in El Paso. El Paso is just that type of place.

And the owner Bart Reed would put me there every six weeks for three or four years. a feature act. He would tell me this headline is asking me for more money bury him. Burry him. So he would call me, give me an extra deuce and go, light this motherfucker up, so we make him work. So when he comes to get a raise, I go, how can I give me a raise?

Every day's flying him all week. So he would give me every six weeks, this guy. Is that right? And I would go to, at two weeks a shot. You know, and at that time, I was a junkie. I would go down there, and all I would do for two weeks is do comedy, get high, and eat.

that's it on Fridays they used to make a Yucatan fish shoot listen you could be shot bleeding with a coke rock in your head you walk in there that a Yucatan suit would bring you right back to life at least let you drive home then you could call 911 okay

that's how strongly you could do you know no no this is real you know listen man I hate to say this statement I fucking hate to say this statement when I go to fucking Jerry's deli and they give me chicken soup it's some water some guy put together or whatever. Tomorrow, if you guys aren't doing nothing.

I don't know the Mexican place, but I know the Cuban place where you go. Go Chinito tomorrow. It's Thursday and Silver Lake, by where Marilyn Martinez used to live. Right there on Sunset Boulevard, it's a Cuban place. It's the best Cuban place for what I like. I like pork chunks with the white rice and the beans. They're real Cubans. There's a Cuban in the back.

But the thing, as for the chicken soup in there. You know, when you ask a Spanish person for chicken soup, there's no little corn. They give you a whole fucking. thing of corn, okay? Then there's like a chicken eye and a head in that motherfucker somewhere because that's what kills all the diseases.

That's what kills the diseases. That's good idea of shit, dog. I'm telling you, when you eat that chicken, when you eat a Mexican chicken soup, there's bones in there. Right and wrong. What the fuck? You think those bones got in them?

What do you think they release into your system? I don't want no fucking chicken head, though, no, but you know what I'm saying? They cut the chicken head off, they cut the feet off. Depends. Some Mexicans eat the fucking, they boil their feet too because that adds the dirt, that adds the whole flavor. That's what makes you run quick.

You know what I'm saying? Those little chicken legs make you fucking run quick. How many times you eat Spanish soup and they just throw everything in there, but it's the bones. It's that soup that absorbs the bones. It's that DNA and the bones. That's what they give you when you're sick, right?

When you make the Jewish people, they got the... Mazzabal soup. They kill it. But no. I love food my mom used to make and stuff. It doesn't compare. It just does to Mexican food, and then, like, I'm not a huge fan of it, but fah, if you like soup and like spicy soup, that shit is good.

You like foe? Everyone always says, oh, Mata's so great. Every non-Jewish person, Monsa is the driest, most disgusting cracker in the world. What is that now? Mata bowl soup. I never heard that. It's gross. Is it really?

It's not bad. I like it. It's not my favorite soup in the world. It's like tofu. No, but if I go up to Jerry's del. If I'm in the city, like, let's have it. the village and I got a pastrami sandwich and I got a little matzo ball soup on the Friday.

What the fuck? Give me a cup. Next time I come down bro, I do this. I'm going to have my lady make you a soup. You ain't going to have no more soup no word, bro. What kind of soup? Whatever you fucking want. Her chicken soup is off the motherfucking hook, bro. I'll tell you right now. Anything pretty much that she makes, Joey, you're going to fucking love him. Tell you

right now, bro. You know what I'm saying? But you guys are talking about soup? Next time I come down here, I'm going to bring you some of her soup. You cook, dog? I'm going to. I make a good omni. That's about it. I'm fucking terrible. I can do an omelette. I'm terrible. I'm so terrible,

and this is not a joke. About three weeks where I got up really earlier. I just couldn't take a them. I got up like a four, and by seven, I couldn't take them. And I tried to make a cheese omelette. And the little baby walked into the kitchen, she'd see me cooking. She looked at him and she goes, uh-oh. And she's like, I know, honey.

It was a cheese omelet, but it was brown. I'd never seen nothing like that. Put a little bit of milk on it, bro. I put a little bit of milk. I put it. Listen, my egg omelet, for years, I made a cheese omel. I like, listen, there's one thing I don't go Joey likes, all right? I like cheese on it. Okay, a slice of thin American cheese on that motherfucker, just like that.

You get one, two eggs, break it, yoke that motherfucker, up, shake it, a little bit of milk, just a little tap. Just a tap, just a tap. A little fluff. A little pepper, a little pepper, a little salt in that motherfucker, put some butter in that bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's all you need, because it's a grease and pan, pretty much. Just grease the pan, you drop that in, you put the lid on it, and then when it's cooking, you put that slice of a mess. American cheese, or maybe two.

You put them catty corn, like the square over square. Then you fold that motherfucker up with some weak-olds. But you know what you do, look at now? You got to do this, homie. You got to get some, you know, weenies, some, some, you know, fucking, some wiener dogs, right? I like pepperoni. And then chop them up real thin, right, homie? Okay, and then what you do, you fry them before you put them in the fucking arm.

Before you can't do it together because otherwise they'll be uncooked. So you fry them up until they get a little dark in the corners, you assume like that, and you've got your arm is ready to go. You put them inside there, bro, with that cheese. and they close it over. What, Tatea from the can? Those little army ones?

No, no, no, no, no. Oscar Meyer Wieners, bro. Hot dogs. Hot dogs. You slice them up thin, though, bro. No, you guys, it's good. Don't be fucking on my cheese on. No, no, no.

You put, no. You know, it gives you some, it's good. You should try pepperoni. It's really good. You do the same thing? You crisp it up? Pepperoni? Yeah.

And an omit? Oh, yeah. Cheese almond. It's really good. How about some spam? You like some spam? No. Oh, Spam is blue.

Oh, cut thin with some spinach. You got to burn the edges too, bro. That's county jail type shit. Oh, that's disgusting. This dad brought it with us on a trip once. Oh, I love Spam. And it was, he's like, here, I got us a can, let's try it. It was terrible.

No, dog, you get a little spam. You cut that motherfucker up thin. You fry that motherfucker with some bottom, man. I love spam. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Six months ago, I asked my wife, but I like spam with spinach. but I like the spinach with garlic

and a lot of butter and you take a bite of the spam and you take a little bite of the spinach that's fucking pop-by I didn't even put that recipe my wife my wife says you like that spam's like I just you know she makes it because she cooks it up good right

so she'll fire it up really nice and puts it in my arm there bro or spam I guess if you put my Seltzer Verde on it it might be okay but it's good man when I came from Cuba I just wanted to be American so I ate hot dogs

I used to eat cold fucking hot dogs I can't do that, though, see. Who goes in the refrigerator and takes a hot dog and eats a cold in front of the TV? My dad would do that shit. I used to do all that shit because I thought it would make me more of an American. But one of the things I love, listen, though, I love health, I love being in shape. I love trying to be in shape. I understand what is to be eat healthy.

But there's some shit you just got to eat. Spam is one of them. I tell you what else I get a can at once a year. Some dinty more beef stew like a motherfucker. Good, right. With some white bread and some butter on that bitch. Yeah, man. Stop.

You eat that petrified meat. You don't even know what it is. You eat it. You close your eyes. You never thought of it. But you know what? It's good, bro. It's good.

I like it. I love dinty more once a year. Runa than Hollywood. I tell Terry, Terry, get two cans of dinty more. She's looking at me. Are you serious? Fuck, yeah. You dope that motherfucker up?

You want to be creative, bro? You get that fucking dineymour beef stew, right? And you get your top ramen. Don't put that fucking sauce in there. Just get your time, make your noodles and put that Dymour on top over that, that ramen, bro. Oh, dog.

right there. That's the real thing. Now you got some texture, bro. You dig it what I'm saying? You got the noodles going on. You got, come on, bro. When I was poor, poor in Seattle, I used to buy 10 packages of ramen. We all did, bro. Doug, but I would dope it up. I make a good ron. Some garlic, some onions and that motherfucker. You dope some ramen up with two packages.

And then what you do? When you get the shrimp ramen, bro, you got to buy some real shrimp, bro, and dump it up in there. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, they give you those little communist shrimp from the fucking New Orleans. I need to do. I need this paper bro, shaped like shrimp, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, those things are disgusting. I remember a friend of mine told me,

go to that place on Sunset and Vine. Sunset Vine. Yeah, there's a little mall there. There's an Italian restaurant. It's tremendous. Me and my wife went, isn't it right? I took Terry in there one night. We went, we got some shrimp.

They actually gave us those shrimp out of a can, dog. Is that right? I was embarrassed for them. I got up. I'm like, how fucking white are you? Shrimp out of a fucking can. The real? Yeah.

What is shrimp out of a can look like? It's just this fucking thing that's... You could just tell. They're small. That's gross. Disgusting. I almost had a heart attack. I can never eat frozen shrimp.

Like if you go to like a party in the show a cocktail, it's frozen. It's gross. But they got thought, oh, bro, it's hard to eat them when they're frozen. You know what I'm not when it's actually frozen, but like I can... I'm from Boston. I can tell when shrimp is... Oh, right on. You guys are like to say, yeah.

You guys got clam shot her down, right? It's like trying to have grocery or sushi. it's gross. Well, you're not going to eat and there was a shrimp cocktail. You took one of those frozen. Oh, no, no, that wasn't frozen. That was delicious.

Okay, oh, I see what you're saying. Okay. No, that was fresh. I thought you don't want your shrimp cold. No, no, no. You want it cold, but when it comes from the freezer and they defrost it, that's what I'm saying. The stuff we had at Morton's was probably

a day or two old was on like, whatever that is, dry ice. That was delicious. Okay, because that ice is as cold. It is in mornings. It better be fucking good, well, don't know. Oh, my God, it was delicious. Yeah, it was good shrimp.

They have a good shrimp cocktail. They don't fuck around. It's a meal. Yeah, right on. But it ain't a Mexican shrimp cocktail. I've never had it still. See, that's why I told Joe the homie over here. Even our compadre, who doesn't do a good job with a lot of dishes,

they got a fucking tremendous. I like, I ate the taquitos. They do good with the, they're talking about sunset, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have a good taquitos over there. They got a good cocaine business in there. That's their best business. They got the bad, even the waiters, the sweat.

You ever go in there, Doug? The waiter's like, please don't order food, Doug. Please, I don't want to go to bed. The fucking, I used to go in there. The tamales are great. The late night. The whole, the whole, when you get the combination players. The combination plays.

I was going to take Lydia on night, but that plays a little too crazy. Yeah. I used to cop in there. That was my spot, though. They know that they cleaned it up now. That was my spot, though. Is that right? Yeah.

That was everybody's spot. I didn't know. Yeah. I saw Quentin Tarantino on that motherfucker night. The waiters had to carry him out, and his legs were dragging. That's how drunk that boy was Is that right? He would go on every night

And then Lindsay Lohan were going at 7 She'd catch the Mexicans fresh off the press She wouldn't even let that shit melt in their pockets While they were cooking And it's cool in there because it's always dark in there It's dark in there, bro. You don't see nobody. You can't tell them.

Yeah, they have a phenomenal Mexican shrimp cocktail. They give you five shrimp outside And then the inside has 20 little ones with avocado and sauce Do it up, huh? And they give you a bag of crackers, and you fucking eat the crackers, and you get a beer. Stop it, Lee.

Don't even fucking get me going. When I went to San Diego with Paul, we went to this place that didn't even have English menus. It was called like arenas, and I got these shrimp tacos. And I normally don't like shrimp tacos. These things were amazing. The pico de gallo was great. Nice, soft, tortillas. And it's amazing.

And it's so good. Let me give some shout-outs here so you get my boy out of here. Newley won. Congratulations on. the baby. Ryan Knowles, Chad Bolden, Don Cedar Strom, Joseph Rendell, Mr. Didtholes, Alex

Bones, Jones, Dirty Cake, and Joe Kenyon. Thinking about you, Cuckin, making sure everything is beautiful down there in New Jersey, Joe Kenyon. And my man, this newly love today he found out he's having a second child, so you got to give him some love, you know what I'm saying? I want to do a shout out too, brother, my friend over there in Long Island.

I'm helicopter, Mike, bro. I know you're a little bit down right now. I hope you get better, brother, I look forward to going back up there and flying up in your helicopter, bro. You get better, man. You go up in helicopters, too? He owns a couple of helicopters, damn. He does it up, man. Helicopter, Mike McColl. That's $3 million a piece of those fucking helicopters.

And they're bad. One of them is painted all red, white, and blue, bro. It's badass. He took us up to the Hamptons, over the Hamptons threw over that. And then he goes, you already have some fun? He was a gunner in the war time, you know, and I go, let's do this, you know, and me, my wife, my boy, and her nephew. And he drives his

he flies just eating like a toy, bro. like a fucking toy. And then he went this way, sideways, bro. Fucking sideways like this, wrong like this. He flipped the other way and then my nephew just threw up all over the first. They fucked up that right. Hey, check, I want to say something, Joey. I'm going to be in that NASCAR race, brother.

Tomorrow I get my first test run. April 11th, that fucking Irwindale, bro. I'm going to be racing some cars for the autism, man. So hopefully you can check it out if you guys here in town. What's the date? It's April 11th. April 11. I'm doing three test runs.

I don't know how on the fuck they're going to. to give me a car, bro. I mean, how do they afford to give a crazy, you know, I never drove me? You're going to drive like a real race car? I'm racing. I'm not just driving, I'm racing, homie. I'm racing 10 other guys. Have you practiced someone? Tomorrow's my first day practicing. Good for you. First day, and I'm going to do as many. I get

four practice runs before I do the actual race, you know. But I understand is that how, you know, because I'm thinking fucking shake and big, bro. Tell the good night shit, you know what I'm saying? Shake and big. That's my whole thing. You know, that's my whole thing right now. It's going to be fun, right? But then I was thinking maybe I'd just be the fucking cruiser

And just come in last and just cruise the whole fucking track Who else is doing the race? Me Rusty Coons, you know, Big Rusty From Sons of Anarchy, Danny Trejo He's going to be on there Mark Krinsky from Channel 5 And four other people I haven't got the whole this shit

But at the end there's 10 of us, bro It's gonna be fucking crazy, you know If you do it again next year You have to have Joey in it You put the air on, I'm sweating bullets Okay Yeah, we gotta get Joey on there You've just at the wild card

Because I'm a cruiser. I'll be a cruiser on my life, bro. You know what I'm saying? Now when I'm open road, I'm a good. I can go fast straight. I can go fast straight. Yeah, but fucking going in the circles over or get over again. But then I'm going to have a spotter.

There's going to be a guy with the microphone. He's watching me from on top the tower. He's telling me come up, come down, come down. You know what I'm saying? I'm on the road every weekend. You are, right? Pretty much. When I go on a road run, I go on a road run.

But it's Saturdays I'm in my hotel room. You know, Thursdays I do radio. Friday I do radio, I sleep, I work out, I write a little bit. But Saturday's my day off. I turn the TV on. And I sit there and I got a notebook and I got my iPod and I'm mind-fucking myself with the computer. But while all this is going on, I'm watching TV. And I'm always watching TNT and collateral comes on them. Yeah.

And there you are on the scene with Jamie Fox and the Spanish guy and the bodyguard, you know. And I'm thinking I'm watching you. This is about two months ago. I think I called you afterwards to tell you I was thinking about it I didn't tell you what really happened I'm watching it and I put myself where you were I was that fucking high I was 11 in the morning I had already smoked a joint I went for breakfast I'm in my room

I'm higher than fuck and I'm watching you and I go I put myself where you were and I go right now what is this guy thinking this guy you know came from a family of fucking 8th God knows what you saw later on you went to the army whatever happened you did drugs for a while you did all this shit you might have been close to death you might have been close to go in prison and here you are on the scene with two of the top actors working and to yourself right before they're getting warmed up

and they're going you know you do uh blocking and all this yeah yeah yeah while you're sitting there right before this this is what i this is what happens to me man all the time you know i'm doing grudge match I'm sitting there. I'm just about to do a line with the narrow. One line. And right before that moment, I said to myself, who the fuck would believe this? Right.

When you were doing coke or drinking or sleeping in a car, you know, for me, it was being in a jail cell. You know, looking at fucking 48 years. I think of all that in this capitalized moment, this little capital time. The life flashed before your eyes. It's at 30 seconds. And you feel like telling your life,

you fucking believe this. Like, if these motherfuckers knew what I really did, what I looked like at 5 in the morning after three days, when I'd be on this fucking set, that is my biggest question constantly. I forget who the fuck I am sometimes. Yeah, man. I go to the comedy store and I get down there last night,

and there's Arsenio Hall, there's Ari, there's, you know, whatever. Domarera. Domerera, and there's all these people were legends, man. Yeah. And if they knew that 20 years ago, I remember I walked into a... In fact, today George called me.

And I go, where are you? He goes, I'm in Cliside Park. He goes, in fact, I was just thinking of you. That's funny you call. I go, what were you thinking of me? He goes, I just drove by the Carvel where you stole the can of change from that time. Who's George?

My brother in Jersey. He's 20 years. He's my best friend, 35 years. And we're sitting there, you know, if they only knew. I remember doing a movie with Dick Van Dyke. Wow. With those Lifetime movies he did at the end. But, dog, that's how I learned to speak English.

When I came from Cube, I put the TV on it. It was Dick Van Dyck. Right, la, la, la, la, la. Right, yeah, yeah. You know, and you sit there. Does this ever happen to you? Happens to me a lot, Joey. It does, you know, and I think about that, you know, and like I said, I don't take

take it for granted, bro, but then again, bro, you have to flip it around the other way. What's their story? You know what's their fucking story? You know, I'm talking about? They've already made, but everybody, I always look, everybody has a story to tell, you dig? and it's just that we tell ours, you know. And the thing is, and I still, to this day, bro, before they say action, I get those butterflies in my stomach, dog.

I really do. And I hope I never lose that because that's my only high I got left. You dig it what I'm saying? This acting is my high. You know, I'm an addict for life, bro. You know what I mean? And this is, and this feels good. You know what I mean?

So I trip, and at times I sit down, I'll be in my room, and sometimes I, you know, sometimes I give you a fucking traitor, you know, like a small house you know what I'm talking about like what the fuck is going on over here I have a movie coming out in September called Agent 47 you know a big movie and I was up in in Germany last year and I got there

and they gave me a badass fucking apartment bro to stay in for the next 10 days you know what I'm saying and I and I lay down in my bed and I'm saying and I reminisce bro you dig what I'm saying but you have to

not only a pre-year I appreciate, but you know what, I said, I work for this motherfucking thing, you know what I'm saying? You think about what you gave up, prove, you know what I'm saying? I mean, I'm glad I gave up to some of the shit because I must have had to be giving up. But you know what, bro? Take it and run with it. That's all I've got to say, because you know what, we earned it, bro. You know what I'm

saying? Everything we went through in our life is what helped us get what we're at right now, you know? I answer emails on Sunday. I got an email that I thought about. A kid wants to do comedy, you know, he's living with his parents. I remember I read the thing and then I had to do shit

I had to take the baby and I took a shower and while I was in the shower I thought about this question What was the question? About standing up comedy Like what do you really have to give up You know like what do you give up

Do you give up a social life Like I gave up TV Not because I didn't want TV But because if you're going to become a comic It's a nighttime job You gotta be at that 8 o'clock You don't have a spot till 10 You go out there at 8

You don't know who's going to be at that library fucking place That pizza place that you're going to You have no idea who's going to walk him while you're on stage They're offering you a spot You've got to go out and hustle it It might be for $5, it might be for gas money It might be for $25, but it might not be for anything Which means you're punching in

That's all you're doing You're punching in. I punched in tonight That's going to come to you later Might come in 8 years, might come in 10 years Might come in 15 years And it might not come at all But at least you did it And you try

But this happens to me constantly. Like when I'm stand-up some nights, I go pull up and your name is on the thing. And you're like, if these fucking people only know. But that's an interesting point to think of where they, what's their story? Exactly. See, the thing is, too, I get a lot of fucking emails too. And I want to start writing a blog. So I can't answer it, but I get a fucking lot of emails, bro.

I mean, too, you know, to social media, you know? And this is a deal, though. Everybody wants to do what you're doing right now. Well, God damn it took me a long time to get to do what I'm doing just like with you. Put your name on that list. Your name wasn't always on that fucking list. It's a buildup, bro. You know what I'm saying?

And all of a sudden, no, I go, I tell you it the way I did it. I'm going to tell you how I did it. I did it theater. I went, I took classes. I did more with you. I did a lot of free shit before I even got paid, bro. You did what I'm saying? I don't know.

It's part of the gig. But nobody wants to do that. Everybody wants to just, no, I want to do what you do. Well, yeah, bro, that's cool. but you want me to type this is how I did it and this is what it took. It's like, I'm still looking for a big fucking break, brother. You know what I'm saying? I'm still looking for a fucking break.

You know, so I'm not saying that's the only way to do it. I see a motherfucker, you never know. But if you're asking me, this is how I did it. When you tell me how you did it, you tell him how you did it. And you know what? It's a motherfucking struggle. And you know what? At times you're in doubt if anything's going to even happen,

you know, and you see it slowly but should you, you know, as long as you're moving forward, bro. Like you said, punch in it. Keep punching neck. You know what I'm saying? Fuck that. I want to ask you, because there's so many scenes. There's a scene that you do with Jimmy when he comes to see you, the bizlats set up a meeting for you to talk to him, and you're talking to him about orange and black is going to run yellow and black. And black and white's going to get together. And I'm watching the scene. He's paying attention. And I watch it. I love acting. I love watching, and I know what I watch good acting.

when you and you can't watch good acting you have to hear good acting very good that's how you hear it very good I don't even watch it sometimes I'm doing something I'm getting coffee I put on Suns of Anarchy on Netflix boom boom I put the TV I hit it down to four I press the button and then I take Netflix I hit Suns of Anarchy whatever season I hit it it starts they say last week on

Suns of Anarchy while they're doing it I go into the kitchen and I put the coffee on so I come out but sometimes when I'm in the kitchen I'm listening to the TV. I'm like, oh, God, that was awful. You could hear it. Very good. And then sometimes you hear, you know, this motherfucker's talking from the gut, you know?

Did that happen when you're high, too? When I'm high, I can tell it really a bad act. Yes. Like, I used to love the movie Friday, and I watched it stone out of my mind. I was like, oh, this is terrible. Really? Well, some movies are just so slow. Some movies can't compare. You used to something else? No, I used to love Friday,

but like especially like some of the scenes with the dad it was just like so, it looks so forced and I'm not even an actor. But, but. Talking about the Ice Cube movies? Friday?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but those movies are supposed to be like that though, but it's just way over the top shit, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. You know, tongue and cheat, funny stuff, you know? I mean, they think, yeah, that's over-the-top acting going on there,

but it's funny stuff, you know? No, you had some great scenes on Suns Anarchy. You built a beautiful fucking career there, man. It was just, it was a stepping stone. Big time. It was a great showcase, you know. The scene with Jacks, when you tell him you're setting up

in Stockton. And he goes, I never knew about things. That don't work on. Oh, we're doing that big walk scene? The big walk with the fucking crazy dude behind you walking. It was just some great scenes in that. And when I first started, and I saw the formula.

Listen, I'm going to tell you something. El Ray Channel, Robert Rodriguez, who's got Miami Vice on every morning. I see that, night time too. Put it on. And give it 20 minutes, and you're like, hmm, this is such. Really? Now you got me thinking.

Okay, they always have something at the 20-minute mark with music and a video. Sons did that the last two seasons. They had to do something. They always had a chase in 20 minutes with some music. And they had, you know, the one with Jimmy Smiths and Jackson in the car, and the van was following them. They turned the car around. And they went back.

Morriganos. Mexicans, me Latinos, and they're... Joe even got the music down. I don't fuck around, dog. You know, listen, I didn't have... When I go on a fucking set, okay? When somebody says, when I look at someone and I go, dog, Lysayat is a funny motherfucker.

Why doesn't Lysayat have a TV show? And you come over to me and go, they gave them three deals. The fucker can't act. That's the question that baffles me. It baffles me. You know, that's a great question. This is a deal, though, about that, because I've seen it myself.

I never mentioned names. But the thing is, when we do comedy is one thing. See, I trained to be an actor before I became a comedian. You dig what I'm saying? So I was comfortable going on stage because I was open to the stage. But what happens when you do comedy, bro, you are you. You dig what I'm saying? You created this word.

Somebody might write a little note for you, but you just incorporated who you are. are. Now, when you're an actor, as an actor, they give you some, they give you dialogue and stuff. And you don't know how to channel that part of you to do this kind of dialogue. It sounds weird, but I've seen it happen. I've seen, I know some great comics. I'm thinking, and I've heard the same thing. You know, he, you know, he, you know, he's seen this tape. It fucking sucks. You know what I'm thinking, okay, well, and then I'll go see the fucking tape. And I'll go, wow, he does suck. You know what I mean? He's such a great comic, but he fucking sucks on, on what different, when people, with dialogue that he's not used to, that he didn't write for himself,

that he didn't say comfortable for him. You go out of your comfort zone. That's what it is being acting. You've got to get out of that fucking comfort zone, you know what I'm talking about? Whereas a lot of times I play a bad guy, and I was a bad guy in real life, so being a bad guy is my...

I'm okay with that, you know? But now, people are saying, why don't you pay the good guy? You know, well, I'm a nice guy every fucking day, bro. Every fucking day of my life, I'm a nice guy. Let me continue to do this fucking bad guy, because it's therapy for me. You dig what I'm saying, bro?

So I'm good to go. I mean, when I'm about 60, give me about five more years, I'll start paying the dad and all that shit. But right now I'm having a fun time. Now I'm playing a cop, though. I got in this new show called Hand of God with Ron Perlman. He pays a judge and I play a cop on it.

You know what I'm saying? You know, so. What channel? Everybody's doing programming. Huh? Yeah, well, Amazon's kicking ass for now. Amazon's not fucking around. Yeah, it's like Netflix, bro.

You dig what I'm saying? You know, now you can order shit. Now you can watch their movies and stuff, you know. But, Joe, I'm telling you, bro, you would dig this program. I'll put it up with. Yeah, my hand of God. It's, that's always, like, the big question to me is, let's pretend you don't have the money to go to acting school.

I fucking get it, man. Sometimes you get out here and they rush into something, you know? Okay. But to me, there's, something else. Like, you've never watched the movie. What? You never, like, I don't understand when people can't act. Like, my first reaction is, you never watch the movie. No, but the thing is, is they think they have to act. That's the problem. They say action, and they get

in, oh, yeah, no, bro, just like we're doing right now. We're doing, if they put a camera right here, bro, we're doing a fucking scene. There are cameras here. I mean, you know, I mean, that's what I'm saying. Look at a little bit. You got a funny to them. You know what the fuck? What the fuck's he smoking? Look at this fucking nice. Yeah, yeah. You want another piece? I got to eat another piece. I don't. Fuck this shit.

It's Tuesday. And that's the thing. Exactly. What happens is people say action, they think they got to act. No, bro. Just beat right there. Relax.

Breathe. Listen and react. That's all it is, bro. Answer the fucking question. That's all it is, man. You know? And some people anticipate, they already know what they got to fucking say.

And what they do, bro, is they, you can see their, like, I want to say my dad. I want to say my name. No, fucker. You just fucked up. That's how you fucker.

You know what I'm saying, bro? Don't anticipate. You got to always pretend you don't know what the fuck, because I don't know what you're going to say right now, and that's what acting is, but I don't know what the fuck you're going to say. Even though I do know what you're going to say, I got to pretend that I don't.

You did? Keep it real. That's always fucked me up. But TV you could get away with being a mediocre actor. In some movies. Not so much to see what's happening in movies now. They're being more.

tight with it now, bro. They're going pretty much with that, the guy that comes out and he does, they know they can trust the work, you dig what I'm saying? And TV, but you know what makes you what makes me, I can say, a decent actor is that I did a lot of theater and see when you're doing theater, there's no room

forever, bro. You can't fuck up. I mean, if you do, they don't know what you're supposed to say, but you know how to move on. You dig, whereas TV and film, you fuck up, hey, cut. You can cut your fuck, hey, let me do this again. And you do it again. So you got a lot of leeway, you doing TV and film, but in theater. But see, my thing is, I'm always, I want to hit it the first time,

you know, just like you're doing it on stage. You've got to hit the first time. Well, what do you guys think about, like, Shark Nato? Like, I read an article yesterday that Hassohoff said that this was going to be a terrible movie. And, like, it's a genre now of terrible, but good, like, so bad it's good. So, like, it just sounds terrible. Who said that?

Haselhoff. He's in Sharknato 3. Listen, when you watch the second machete or the first machete, that's what I liked about Machete that it was so bad it was good that some of the scenes with the heart It's just over the top

It was over the top Steven Segal It was just so much It was funny to me But Machetea had like a really Underground following Because of that That movie with Tantino and Rodriguez

D'Sadaan No Yeah Desserdan What is it called? Because that was like a Dust Dada No it wasn't that one

It was the Grint House one I don't know I don't know. Which one? The Grind House with deathproof and... I like those. And in the middle, they had a preview for machete. So people were really excited about it.

Number one, I will never, ever, ever even turn on fucking Shark Nato. Any of those fucking movies. I did one of those movies. I did the one with the Shark, down the Jersey Shore. I did it because I knew the producers, and they called me at the house, and they go, we need a guy three days. He did one of those? Yeah, the one about the Jersey Shore Shark Attack.

I done other movies for the people. Shark Nato. It sounds some movie, bro. Yeah, these movies are a nightmare. People watching their supporters, so they keep making more, and they get rich while these suckers go see these fucking things. You know, I don't know nothing about that. I grew up on The Godfather.

I learned how to act, watching Marlon Brando, sit there with Robert Duval after they shot fucking Sonny. That's your acting list. Some great fucking acting. And also, if you can start watching those movies, and just like I love the movies, the whole time movies, on the waterfront. You see that scene in the back.

Oh, my God. Marlon Brando, to me, was dead. you know and then you read the whole thing how they didn't want him and he put the cotton in his mouth and they didn't know who it was and he fucking killed it fucking destroyed it

you know that scene when he gets up and he tells Duvall he fucking tells everybody that something happens to his kid that he's not going to forgive that's some of the best fucking pound for pound acting I have ever seen

ever like and that's my acting lesson every time it's on I watch the Godfather Couple sates. And you study that, but you steal from the best. You dig what I'm saying? You know, that's, you know, like, and I'm not saying copy of performance, but see what they do and incorporate it to your style of acting. You did because I see, like, my favorite actor is Christopher Walken. Now, see, Christopher Walken, you see him, and he pauses, but his pauses are natural pauses because he gets stuck.

You dig what I'm saying? And, you know, and I pause, and I find my pauses when I act, you know what I'm saying? but I mean, but I picked that from him. What's your favorite Christopher Walker movie? Things are doing Denver when you're dead. God damn! My favorite is at close range. I didn't see that.

At close range? Hit it. Is that Sean Pan? Last scene. Sean Pan and Christopher. Where are you going to put in? Right there. YouTube.

At close range. What part of it though? End scene. No. It'll come right up. You like Christopher Walker too then, right? In that movie, listen, let me take it something. When you audition for the Sopranos,

That's his wife. Oh, is that right? Yeah, so when I first auditioned for the Sopranos, I was outside. And she came up. I was waiting to go upstairs, and she came, because the assistant saw me at Carolines and said, go there tomorrow 11. They need to see you.

So I was just outside. When she walked up to me, she goes, hey, you, go upstairs and leave your name and number. They're looking for guys like you. I go, no, no, no, no. I'm here for the audition. She goes, oh, you're my 11 o'clock. Come on, walk with me.

Let me ask you some questions. So she started asking me questions on the way up. And I got in the elevator with her. And I go, I'll ask you a person. You're really married to him? I go, yeah. To Christopher Walker. Yeah.

And she goes, yeah, that's my husband. I go, you know what his favorite movie is? I go at close range. And she goes, I love you even more now. That's my favorite movie. Is that right? Yeah, that's his best. He says a badass movie.

I mean, listen, the truth of the matter is Deer Hunter. But him and Daniels sitting from across from each other, it's too strong. It's too much. I saw him on an episode of a fucking Hawaii 5-0, brother. If you can look it up, find it with him.

And you know what? That's when he was starting, bro, and you could tell he was just going to be a badass actor. We'll find it here. It'll be a... At close range. That's nice. You get getting on fantasy over here.

Like white people. No trailer. Go ahead. Madonna, soundtrack. Just hit... Ending. Ending. Ending. Clays range.

Ending. This is, for you people at home that have never seen this. Sean Penn and Christopher Walker, right there, that scene. That is one of the strongest scenes in Hollywood. The word on the street was, when they did the thing, watched it leave. This is why, this is tremendous film. The word on the street was that Sean Penn shot at him.

And after two takes, he goes, forget it. Cut, cut. I forgot to feed the dog. Oh! The scene at the bar. What's with him? Oh, shit! Sean Penn ordered his...

What the fuck happened here, bro? That's his son? Christopher Walken's, he orders the hit. Look at him at the bar. Look at this white. He plays a white trash. I gotta see this football.

Oh, you're gonna have to see it tonight. This is gonna keep it for two in the morning. This is one of the greatest movies of all time. They dropped the fucking advertising budget at the end, because Madonna is the song on this. She was married to Sean Penn. Remember the time? This is 85.

Nobody ever saw this movie. This mother, she dies. Is that Sean Pinky on the car? Yeah. He's doing steroids in this movie. Is that right? He is fucking gigantic. Speed this up a little bit. How much?

You'll see it. Two minutes, maybe a minute. You're doing the moonwalk, brother. Yeah, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, right there. He's shot. Comes to the door, shot. Knows this guy killed. Shot, went to cook.

Put the volume. Let you out of star. Yeah. I just tell them to pack the lies now. I'm just running where they can't find me. It's gone. Nobody can find me. You got up there?

This is creepy as far. This is, guys, I'm dropping a movie on you, motherfuckers that... Got to take a leak. You're going to set them up, bro. That's good casting. They look kind of like Father and Sunday, right? That looks pretty good. Bro, everybody's in this movie.

They were all young. The guy from 24 didn't even have a line in this movie. What's his name? He was an extra. All those young dudes were extras in this movie. Sean Penn put them all in the fucking movie. Oh, shit. Come on, guys.

You better fucking eat another star. I think, let's it, 25 years coming to that. Your nerves, this is... Good fucking is a shit, man. Good to see you. A little pal. And pal. Then tonight.

Got drunk, had a fight. Mary Sue, you know, kicked her out. Went to handy, same old thing. You know? Yeah. Where I'd been. Shoot him, bro. Fuck, you see the blood already.

It's nothing. Just cut myself on some barbed wire. Don't move. Fucking move! Just go on get some... Don't fucking move. Is this the gun you used? That's the nice something gun.

This is the gun you used to kill Tommy, Tommy's dead in me Don't talk to me about Tommy That's his real brother Is the gun you used to kill Terry? I never did nothing to Terry Oh Oh wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait This is gun used on everybody on me

Family gun dad Jesus His father? Yeah Yeah, this dad Oh fuck You're gonna die. I know one thing clear than I've ever known anything in my entire life,

except that I love Terry before you kill her. And that is that you're going to die. You got the guts to kill. Me? I'm your blood. I'm your family. You're not my family, not anymore. Yeah, you're crazy.

Crazy. Go on crazy. Nope. Listen. Listen. What? I know how old is. It all popped up. I know how that is.

Oh, it's simple, dad. Before they got you twisted, you must have known something, you must have felt it. I gave you money, I gave your car, I took you in. If don't that mean something. Means what? It means I got feeling for you. What fucking feeling?

I care. What do you? I love you. Is that what you want to hear? I love you. God? Motherfucker! You're not out of boys, bro.

I love you, too, Dad. You're gonna be out of bullets. What? Oh, I hate you. This is too easy. I want you to die slow. I want you to die every day for the rest of your life.

Just a fucking move! I move. Did he poison the beer? No, he fucking... Forget it. He hasn't seen the movie, so I can't run. I want... This is a fucking badass movie.

Brother asked me about this so many times. Oh, my God. This movie, and whenever they had whenever they had Sean Penn on the actor studio or the other guy, they'd make him tell the story. Is that right? He whipped out a real fucking gun and started shooting at him

because he wasn't scared enough for the scene. Fucking bitch, for real? Yeah, man. Sean Pan, I don't fucking play no games. Boy, that ain't no fucking joke. You got a ricochet. Somebody could get hurt.

Sean Penn got so big for that movie. When you see Sean Penn, he's ripped on. He's fucking huge. And his real brother, Played the brother in that movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you see the movie, like I said, it's an all-star cast.

And you don't even fuck the guys that are his brother, Christopher Walken's brother, they're all working today. The guy that dated Carmellan, the Sopranos, he's hit one of his brothers. In fact, they kept saying, this is my brother, whatever, he's epileptic, and they all laugh at him.

The chubby dude, another guy that's a ratty white dude that did 50 fucking movies. He plays the brother. It was an Academy Award-winning movie, but they dropped the fucking happy. advertising budget at the end like they usually do they thought Madonna was going to carry the movie they hated Madonna and the fucking kid

together and the movie fucking Caputts. How do I know that? Because I watch the actor's studio. That's how I fucking know. That's good. That's good. Emilio, I love you, man. Love you too, Joe. You know when you call me, bro. I'm going to be here, bro. Actually, I called you on this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just like hanging out, bro.

Yeah, no, no, I'm very happy. But I wanted to watch Sons. Every time I had seen you and talk to you, I couldn't bring it up because I was embarrassed, but I got to tell you something, it's one of my own time favorite shows. Every time I go home and night, like I said, I put the coffee on, I smoke a bowl, and the balcony, I come back in, and I put it from where...

And sometimes it's an episode I've seen... Like, I watched the whole thing once, and then again, Ireland gets a little confusing, but it still does the fucking trick. They gave the guy... They gave that guy a show on fucking whatever. He's doing great with it. What show?

The Irish guy, the one that was... He's a badass, but he's a great actor for him. Yeah, he's a white dude, but he actually... Irish. He played the Irish. Let me tell you something. Another good scene on Sun's Anarchy when fucking they killed a D-A agent

and that dude. She had it coming though, bro. Oh, she was fucking... Opie did her ass up, you know what? Opie fucked her up. How about when they killed Opie that was hardcore, right? Oh my God. Broke your heart, right? I didn't feel either or about it. Really? Yeah. I saw the black guy at Boston

Market a couple of months ago. Harold? Harold? No, the leader of the of the gang, the leader of the black gang. He was an internal affairs. That motherfucker goes all the way back to 87. Wait, wait, what guy? What guy? The leader of the, the ball-headed guy. The leader...

Billy Brown? I don't know if his name is Vinny Brown. No, Billy. Billy Brown. He's the leader of the black motorcycle gang. What's the black motorcycle gang? Oh, Michael Beach. Michael Beach. That guy was the cop. That dude was the cop. An internal fucking affairs.

He was, huh? He was the one that was fighting with Richard Gere. Remember that he arrested the hooker? Bro, he arrests the hooker, and as he walks in, Richard Giego, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's one of my snitches. And he trips him. I didn't know Michael was on that long. Michael was a cool cat.

He's a good guy. You know, he shaved his head, and now he, you know, this is why in this town, you never know. Most people leave. Once you do a movie like that, you don't know. You don't leave, though, man. That's the problem with people that they give up. You can't give up, brother.

You know what I'm saying? Because of the social media, people will be hitting me up A man that I started with. and they dropped out and they said hey man I wish I would never quit you know and they're trying to make a comeback now 15 20 years later and it's not happening I mean I'm not going to say it can never happen they just gonna be fucking tough bro you know what I'm saying so you got you got going hard brother and you and not and don't give yourself a time limit because you never know what I'm saying you dig what I'm saying like I said earlier I'm still

waiting for a break you know what I'm in I'm in here to the wheels swallow out brother shit I'm in you know me too you know I'm having too I'm having a good time bro it's just like um I'm having a bond. You know what the best thing about you is, man, that a lot of these young cats look up to you. Yeah, man. You know, a lot of these young cats, I talked on these young comedians.

They're like, man, I'm a career like here. You know what, man, you're paying attention, and you give a lot of young comics. Like, they know that this could... Listen, man, I came out of here. I thought I'd be an extra in one TV show. I was going to be an extra one time. Very good, yeah, yeah.

Who the fuck knew what I'd be playing football? Who the fuck knew what? A great fucking movie. Who the fuck knew I would do half these things, Spider-Man, too, 18 days in a room getting paid double-triple overtime. Love it, right. For one line, you know, and then being cool and going, wow, I just came out of here to be a dirty comedian. So a lot of these guys look at you, and they're like, you know what, I could do it.

He did it, I could do it. You know, I got fucking eight brothers and sisters, my dad fucking picks up refrigerators all day for a living, you know. I had this conversation with Johnny Rock. This is why. We do have to put him on the show because he's a big fan of yours. He always says, that's the kind of career I want. I would do a movie, I'd do Sons of Anarchy for a couple of weeks, then I would do some stand-up.

I go, it just didn't happen. He fucking busted his fucking ass. I saw you in an audition one time for the Jim Carrey movie when they sent me in to play one of the Mexican dudes, and you got it. Oh, yeah, fun with Dick and Jane. It was really cool. No, no, the other one. I got that one, yeah.

That one. I did Bruce Almighty as well with you. Bruce Almighty, that's the one. You guys, it was corner him or something. The monkey came out of his ass, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That was a good. trying to be a great gig, brother. It was

supposed to be four days trying to be six weeks, man. It was a beautiful thing, you know. They broke us off. It was nice. But, you know, the thing is, bro, and I like to give people hope. You dig and say, and go for it, bro. But you have to go for it. You know what I mean? And they're going to see, you know, this business, bro. You're going to hear a lot of fucking old. Once in a while they say, yeah, I'm doing it.

It pumps you up again. You dig, what I'm saying? You know, it's a place where you can knock you down real easy, bro. But I got knocked to see my problem. You know, my thing was not a problem. It's just kind of a blessing. See, I got down so early in this business, bro, by my own people, you know. Can't put it like a bitter thing, so I got over that shit real quick. I said, you know what? I'm on my own.

I did, like, like, fucking, Frank Sinatra, I did it in my fucking way. Because ain't nobody was going to help me, bro. I found it out real fucking early. Like the first two fucking years, I said, you know what? I'm a fucking old. And I tell you, man, because I was the guy straight from the hood. Fucking Hollywood was only two hours, two miles away, but how do you get that motherfucker? You know what I'm saying?

And now it's open, you know, people are more open to say how to get it. it in there. But now they tell you, but I was a guy straight from the hood, bro. You know what I'm saying? Where the fuck am I going to go? You know, how do you do this? And I got burned too, bro. You don't get me wrong. I got burned with some money. You don't think, you know, pay this. My thing was, like, the more you pay, the more, that's not the way it goes, you know, but it happened to me. You know what I'm saying? It happened. You know, and I try to stop me that. I mean, nowadays, like people call me, man, you know, I was at the mall, man. And they saw my kid, bro, and they said that's the one they're looking for that one, you know?

And then, you know, $10,000 later, you know, it happens so much. No, we're talking about this. And $10,000 later, you know, they're saying, we're still looking for an agent, bro, you know. But we got to the next level. I go, let me tell you something, bro. Everybody, they audition, if you got $4,000, you all made it. You're all going to fucking make it. You know what I'm saying?

And it's a fucking scam, bro. I feel so bad. And there's some people, I would say, would say, but my daughter says, she's talented. I go, what talents does she got? Because I know some kids are a six-year-old. They can tap dance. they can fucking play James Brown on a fucking piano, bro.

You know what I'm talking about? That's talent. You know, they ain't fucking working. So what's so good about your kid? And they think I'm hating that. I'm not hating because they're not going to, they're not going to compete. I'm not going to go up against a four-year-old little kid, bro. You don't talk about? What am I hate?

I'm just saying, if you got $4,000 a dump, go ahead. But then they come back to the wrong crying and saying, you know, you were right, you know, and I go, and I go, and I've been burned. I got to be honest with you. I didn't even get cast in that. What? Like, when I came to this town, I go, you got to get cast net. I was like, fuck you, motherfuckers.

$55 to fucking act. I didn't go, I remember some guy kept coming to the comedy store going, listen, I'd get you in Titanic tomorrow. Because when I got here, the big movie they were shooting was Titanic down in Mexico. Right, right, yeah, they had a fucking big old boat. They had a big old boat, and people were like,

they were looking for extras, and this guy kept saying, dog, listen, I know the director's so good, you give me $40, we'll do the paperwork, I'll get you down there. What do they pay? $50. So what the fuck would I give you $4? Let me get the 50 first, then let me pay you the 40.

Oh, it doesn't work that way. Go fuck yourself then. You're bullshit in me. I mean, there was so many little fucking scams. I paid for acting class. I paid for a couple seminars with good casting people. Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. But once I got the bearings, I would always get, like, if it was a big audition, I'd get

private coached. Good, very good. I go to a guy and pay the 40 or the 60, and I really get something out. That's okay like that. The thing is, bro, don't get stuck in fucking classes. I know a guy that's been in class for eight fucking years. years. He never done a fucking job on TV or film. He's the best in his class, bro. You dig what I'm saying? Oh, they'll tell you, Mike. She doesn't think I'm ready yet. What the

fuck are you talking? Of course, you talk. If you keep on pain, of course, you're ready. If you're if you're sitting here. If you're fucking ready. Get the technique down, find out what's the technical part of it, you know, find your fucking adding, find your mark. And then go out there and see you can really act, bro. If you dig what I'm saying? Because long as you're pain, bro, see, I used to teach acting, boy, I had like 20 students. The reason I quit, because I didn't know how to tell motherfuckers, they sucked. And I wasn't going to keep their money. You dig on and say, you see no improvement, bro. And they're like,

and then I get in your time, you know, even though they're doing the work, I said, I'm home on assignment. You know, no monologues, you know, during this? See what you got? They had no clue, bro. And even though, and I had only one class, so there was some people that were really good, and some people that were really just really bad, and they were all being charged the same. And I just, I told them

all day, I said, you know, my ex-old day, I said, you know what? I can't do this. I can't take the fucking, I couldn't. I couldn't. Because there's people that they don't, that they just don't Gated pro. I was an acting class with this kid. We'd go to lunch together. We'd team up. I loved them. He was from Philly. I'd help him with his scenes. He'd say,

Joey, I'd come. That's the dude. I bumped into six years later. And now he had gone from Havana Chubbock to Leslie Kahn, where they were taking him for 600 a month. And he was doing every class, every seminar, a breathing,

dance. What the fuck are you doing? And I said to him, have you booked anything yet? Well, Excuse me, Leslie doesn't think I'm ready yet. What the fuck are you talking about? Get out there. And I saw him again. He's an agent. Wow.

He's in comedy at one of the big agencies. Okay, okay. Well, you know, the whole thing is a lot of times that happens to a lot of the agents where people are trying to be actors and they just said, let me go to the secure thing. You know, I mean, somebody with talent. And, but, yeah, some people are just the best actor in their class, bro. And then they feel secure. They feel secure.

I'm going to kill it tonight. You know? Yeah, you're going to kill it every fucking week. I know people telling me that they killed their scene at acting class. People like, dog, you're not going to believe what happened today. An agent was in there from fucking CIA. I killed this scene in acting class. And I'm like, oh, no.

The new thing now is there's a service that you pay them and you go in and do scenes from movies, and you put that on your reel. Lee, you should do that one. That's fucking, like, stealing. Have you seen that, bro? My friend, the girl who babysit. It's the baby twice a year. Pull me aside.

Went on the way out. She goes, do you have five minutes? I was like, sure. What can I do for you? She's like, I wanted to talk to you. I'm really getting to acting. I couldn't get an agent. I got a commercial agent.

She tried. And she goes, this is what I did. She needed a reel. So she paid like 800 bucks, Lee, to do four scenes. They edited it for you. They edited it for you. You get your friend to come in.

Oh, that's depressing. Dog wardrobe. Did they film Louis. She did a scene from the one with Marty. Yeah, Arnold Brigham. Which was on the other night. I would love to see a casting director's face

when they put that on the DVD player. Listen, man, kids come out of you. They don't know no better. The agent has a 10% deal from the fucking guy. So the agent will sell it to you. Listen, talk to your father. Let's do this. This is what people are doing now. I just got somebody a movie for this.

Maybe they get 20% of the 800. Who the fucking? There's always somebody getting a kickback, brother. Always. You're fucking crazy. And just the thing is this, and I'm just being real honest with it. Just find out the technical part. Find your fucking market.

Take a few acting taxes. You know what? Don't get stuck in that motherfucker, bro. And that's what I don't get stuck, bro. You know what I mean? For me, it was like you said, technique. I remember booking my first job was basketball. I had no idea what they were talking about.

They were going to lie to you. Action, cut. I had no. To get on your market. You got to know that shit. See you. I just moved here. Yeah, yeah.

Listen, listen, dog. I move here. I'm at the improv. Some guy comes up to me on a Thursday and goes, I manage comics. Would you like to give it a shot? I'm big on the acting side, and I got connections for comments. I said, sure. Tuesday, I did the paperwork.

A week later, what was the hottest show here in this town, 97? NYPD Blue. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He got me in front of YPD Blue every other week. That's how I met Danny Trahaugh. Is that right? I met Danny Trajohn, an audition. We talked very nice.

You're a good guy. That was the first audition I went on. Then the second audition was NYPD Bull again. I go to the Fox building. It was all the way at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did a couple episodes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dennis France was on the end.

So I'm walking back, bro, to my mother's grave. You can't write this shit. As I'm getting right here, they're doing auditions at all the doors. I don't know nothing about none. I'd never booked a job. I was never an extra. I know nothing. And as I walk up, a lady comes out.

Who works? The casting people who gave you God Almighty. What's their name? What's Almighty? Almighty. Okay. Libby Greenstein. Libby Greenstein walked out as I was walking, and she went,

you're here for the audition? What are you going to do? The fuck you're going to do being where you're from? No, I'm here to fucking paint the building. Yeah, I'm here for the audition. But I didn't get, read these, knock on the door, when you're ready. I knocked in the door. Listen, dog, I knew nothing about nothing.

I knew the comedy store. I didn't know anything about SAG. I knew nothing. I'm not to lie to nobody. I was living in a hotel on Schrader, that little crack hotel that's now the hostel. And across the street is where I ended up living for 12 fucking years.

In that little apartment built, not the hostel. I lived there. That place was crazy. I go there at 3 in the morning with Coke. I'd be in the thing jerking off, and also three, 16-year-olds are knocking the go asking you if you want a tea from fucking Europe. Get the fuck out of here. It was crazy. It was crazy that place.

But, you know those places that you see on TV when the phone rings in the hallway, they pick it up? And they go, yo. That's the hotel. That's the hotel. Like in a fucking movie, yeah, yeah. I went to this audition on a Tuesday. Listen, I was so bad, bro. I didn't think about it on the way.

You thought I thought, I'm not going to get that. I'm not good enough to get that. I've been in prison. You know, I'm on probation. I got a warm. in Seattle. I mug people growing up. I sold coke. Only decent people booked this shit.

I'm an animal. They're not going to get me this. I got a call three days later. They want to hire you for three weeks at $5,500 a week. I was minus $80,000 then. Lee says he owes the government $8,000. I owed the government $80 at that time. American Express, Discover.

Remember Discover? He used to send you checks. Remember you got the credit card? Three days later they're saying you checks. I used to bang those checks. at two in the morning when I need a coach for a thousand. Then Monday they call you and go, you got no money left in your account.

What do you want me to do? Call the cops, bitch. I owed Discover like $8,000. I owed everybody money. Wow. You know, and here I am. You think I'm going to get that roll? I'm not going to get that.

I'm not going to get that. I'm a piece of shit. $5,500. And you ready for this? They paid for SAG. Oh, they tapped hard. They took care of you? I had booked the Taco Bell commercial.

Good for you, man. And I had booked something else. The pilot for CBS. Jesus, you did good, bro. Yeah, bro. My first year here. You were must hire then. Yeah, exactly.

So they must hire me. I told the guy the truth. And in those days, now they'll finance you. If you call SAG, call the SAG office tomorrow. If you're calling for financing, press Donald Ford and we'll email your credit app. Well, now they, I think, how much is the second? It's like, 2750.

To get in now. To get in. It was $1,200 when I joined. Yeah, I got in. It was about $980. Yeah, 980 for me. 980. It was $1,100 to me.

Yeah. I said, I didn't have the money. I didn't even have a, I had a manager. I didn't have an agent, but I knew this agent, Danny Robinson at APA. This is a true story. That was Doug Stanhope's manager, agent. And I called his office up like a man. And I go, Danny, I met you there, and I didn't know the improv of you.

Very nice to me. I'm the Cuban kid from New York. We started talking. And I told him my situation. He goes, who is it? And I go, Levy. He goes, give me your number where you're at. He goes, I'll call you back.

And he called me back. And he goes, I'm going to be honest. with you. I really like you. I like that you called me. He goes, if they don't pay for it, I'll pay for it, and you can pay me back. Wow, that's beautiful. And an hour later, he called me, goes, listen, I talked to the production company. He's going to pick up the tab for you. Good luck.

That's when they like you, bro, you know? They picked up the fucking tab, and that's how long ago that was. What was I going to say? I didn't know nothing. The pilot I shot, they didn't shoot that scene. They were going to shoot it now for season one. So they paid me for the pilot, but they never shot me in the scene.

They go, you know what? We're going to open up episode one with it. CBS got what's his name to direct. They paid them a million dollars to direct an episode because it was going to be CBS's answer to NYPD Blue. It was a show called Bronx County. I never heard of that. And that was the bartender.

Where the lawyers and the cops hung out of that. They wanted a Cuban dude or a Puerto Rican dude respect to English and Spanish. That would have been cool. They signed their fucking eight episodes. The pilot never got picked up. They paid the back $3 million. No, that's what they said. We'll pick you up for eight. In those days,

You shot the pilot, and they already had the offer done. It happens nowadays once in a while. I think I was getting $9,000 for eight episodes. It was first year pay. I don't know what the fuck. How I know is, bro, I was already looking at cars and shit. And when they called me in Maine, they go, they didn't get picked up. It might be a mid-season replacement.

Wow. That would have been a quick jumpstart for you in the beginning, bro. But I got the first Taco Bell commercial with the dog. He did? I thought that was Carl's all. are the Rockies. It was Carlos Lollah's Rocky was the voice.

I was the first one. I booked it. They canceled the commercial. In those days when they, they would shoot three commercials at once. So they would shoot like from March 25th to March 301st. They would shoot three commercials

in those six days. When I got there Monday, they go, can we talk for you for a second? We scratch the commercial. But sit here and get paid for two days. The second day, the director heard me talking at lunch. And he goes, I'm going to get you in this commercial.

Oh, that's cool. You know the guy that was the principal. His wife used to be an agent, and he was one of the early guys Latinos at the comedy store. Not the guy that does the writing scripts. This is a different guy. He doesn't really matter. He was a comedian?

Yeah, he was a comedian. He was the principal. I was cut from my commercial. This was a commercial that was set in Miami. So I'm getting my shoe shine. The kid that was the extra was a kid from the, improv, Latino night. He taught tennis.

Mexican kid. He taught tennis. Really? Who, motherfucker? Why don't fucking know him, man? He pops up once every two years. He was an extra on the commercial. Not Luke Torres, right?

No. Because he shot in my shoes, he became a principal. You become a principal. When you have contact with you have a principal. He became a principal. I became a principal. They cut the guy out that originally had the commercial. You never know, man.

I remember that guy calling me, going, did you get your check in the mail? And I go, what, check? He goes, yeah, you're supposed to get a check. They cut me from the commercial. You're getting cut, too. They cut that whole scene out. I never got a check.

I go, you know what? Maybe my agent's got it. I'll call them and call you back. I call my agent. I got a check from me. He goes, no, you got nothing. As far as I know, you're in the commercial. And since it was the first Taco Bell commercial,

a success blew up, so they had to keep playing it during the World Series. They were playing in between innings. Oh, my God, 9 o'clock at night. I was getting so many checks. I didn't want checks no more. You were just sitting there with a calculator? No, because you don't know. It was in those.

It used to be a lot better, bro. The residuals were sick, bro, yeah. Oh, my God. You'd open up. If your commercial gets booked, let's say your commercial gets picked up for 13 weeks, they pick it up for national, basic cable,

wild card. That's $6,000 you're getting the mail. Right off the bat before they do anything. And then once you see that motherfucker air, it's all over. Tell them I'm going to watch that pussy. You're going deep. It's a cycle.

Once that second cycle, and all of a sudden, bro, I didn't know. nothing. I just saw the checks. I would call talent partners once a week. Hello, this is Joe Deas. How many times in my commercial run this week? What am I expecting? I want to know how much cocaine I can snort with my parameters. I love you, buddy. Thank you for coming on.

Let me get some sponsors. And we'll get you out Amelia Rivera. What do you got coming out in September? I got it. Agent 47 coming on September, bro. Also, you can watch me on Hand of God on Amazon. I got a movie coming out called Freddy. I got a movie coming out called Badsville. later on this in the summer and time in between later on I think it's December there's a few things coming out there's pretty good man

God bless you know God bless you bro you're a bad motherfucker thank you brother and you know who else is a bad motherfucker on it why because tell them Lee optimization to the fucking max whether it's shroom tech alpha brain the T principal they don't fuck around you understand me

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And next week, 4-12, I'm in San Diego, Friday and Saturday. Lee's coming down. He's getting his balls to lick. Okay. That should be fun. And that's it. I want to thank Emilia Rivera. Thank you.

I'm coming on the show. I want to thank you motherfuckers for supporting us and the love and the whole fucking cabood. All right. Stay black. Have a great weekend. Lee, drop it. Do you have anything else you want to say, Amelia? Yeah, you know what?

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