The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #269 - Steve Byrne, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: March 30, 2015

Steve Byrne, Comedian and Creator of the TBS show Sullivan and Son, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Jungle Boogie - Kool and THe Gang I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet For The Love of Money - The O'Jays Recorded on 03/30/2015

This show is brought to you by Onit.com. Oh, shit. Say that again. Oh, shit. Go to Onet.com and use Co-word Church to get 10% off of all the great optimization products like AlphaBrand, New Mood, Shroom Tech, Immune, Shrmtec Sport. It's Code Word Church, and you get 10% off. Go to hit e-sigs.com. Hit E-6, better tasting, longer-lasting.

The proof is in the vape. They have e-cigarettes and e-cigars in varying levels of nicotine if you're looking to quit smoking. Or if you're just looking for a great e-sig, go. Go to hitesigs.com. Use over Joey's church to get 20% off. Go to iron dragon TV.com. Iron Dragon TV is a brand new Roku channel that has all your favorite martial arts movies, has great on-it videos, everything you're looking for.

They have 4K technology and a lot more coming soon. Use Cobra Joey to get two free rentals. And for all of the oil and wax smokers out there, go to NailedItLife.com. That's NailedItLife.com. And use Cobra Joey Diaz to get 20% off of you. What's the story? Oh shit. Oh shit.

Church of what's happening now. March 30th, 2015, for you fuckers that are not paying attention. Oh shit. You bad motherfucker, Steve Burns in the house.

The flying Jews in the house with his little picnic shirt on today. Look at him. He's going to a picnic at Birch's house afterward. Oh shit. What do you know about this?

Wiggle. Wiggle with the part. Wiggle, hit it, Lee. Oh, shit. It's sexual. It's a beautiful day to be alive, Cucksuckers. Welcome to the church.

What's happening now. My main man, Steve Burns in house today. Lee Syatt, direct from, how was the weekend, Lee? That was great. Tell him what you got dumplings down to Korea town. He goes fucking nuts. You got dumplings.

You go to Korea town, Steve Burns. Every now and then, you fuck with those marvaccus down there. You don't have you torching. I've never got, I haven't got Korean. I haven't got Korean. barbecue yet, but do you watch... You haven't? No. You got to do it. I heard it's amazing.

But there's always lines. Like there's always... That means it's good. But every one of them can't be good. There's a line outside of every one of them down there. Because there's not kosha. Which one do you go to in Korea? Chosan. Chosun. Where's that?

That's the popular one. It's kind of like the high end. I think if you're going to do it, you do it right. Right. No, I want to do it. But have you watched Bordane's show? Yeah. It's the one he went to with David Cho in Korea, town, the Dumbling Place. Yeah. Oh, so good. So, so we've been. they're like five times. And it has a B rating, so you know it's good.

Yeah. And they bring you the banchon, the kimchi and stuff. Oh, yeah. I love that. But you got to be within, you know, if you have kimchi, you got to be within like a two-mile radius of your house. Oh, I didn't know that. The first time we went, we put it in the car in the back because I was, I'm a Jew. I wanted to take it home.

We went to a bar for a drinks for like 45 minutes. Came out. The car smelled like someone took a shit in it. And I had no idea. That you took a shit in it? Apparently. That's why you don't bring that shit home We had to throw away at a gas station

No shit But we went to We went to Versailles for Cia And we had to throw away in that gas station right there in West L.A Because it just stuck We had to drive up back on the 405 with the windows open You ate that Then you

It's just It's like spicy hot cabbage Cabbage is what it is Come on Yeah It was cold out I thought like if I left it in the trunk We left it in the trunk

Not even in the regular part of the car But you eat that Then you have sangrias afterwards You might as well just start the clock on your tummy. It's just like any second it's going to go off. Oh, no, it was great. But then, yeah, we went, and it's always busy.

But that was fun. And then last night, the mom made tacos, and it was awesome. I'm dating a Mexican girl. So, she's her mom made tacos. Not a Jewish mother. He's losing this fucking mind, Steve. Yeah. You're in love?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's been almost two years. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Congrats. It's going well.

He likes messing with me, but it's fun. who doesn't Who doesn't Joey like messing with And your apartment's always clean now because of her It would be if I let her in there But I don't I can't let it He gets a maid

Once a month I have someone come over He got this Vietnam fat to come over And clean this house Oh I thought like the Mexican girl would leave And then all of a sudden the Mexican girl Comes over to clean it up Oh she would Her mom totally would

Her mom offered to do my laundry That's very nice I can't I can't start that But Joey's worried And now I'm worried That the mom wants to move in She does what?

He doesn't know. This fucking guy doesn't know that once he marries the daughter. You marry the family. The daughter's going to say, listen, I can't leave my mom by myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the cousins automatically are going to meet a guy. Yeah. Then they're going to move everybody in.

She's going to be right there shadowing you. If she makes tacos like she made last night, it doesn't know. But it becomes something different. Once they move in, you got to learn Spanish and watch novellas with them and rub their feet with fucking. With that Santa Claus juice. Last night we watched the Mexican version of the kids' voice, like the voice, but it's for kids. and it's Mexican people. So, like, Daddy Yankee was on

and this guy who was a mariachi and he was a kid and they were dancing the entire time and right after that, like the biography of Selena came on and she was singing, she was singing while she was cleaning. Were you sitting there throughout this whole thing?

For part of it, yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. He said, this is why I'd give him a hard time. What am I supposed to do? Who says thanks for the tacos piece out? Get the fuck out of here. I'm done. I'm out of here. I don't need somebody singing Selena songs.

That's bad luck. I'm saying? She got shot. The woman that, like, killed Selena, looks like the woman that Schwarzenegger banged and had the kid with. Same woman. Don't you think they look at literally exactly the same? That was her fucking... Crazy little weird Mexican lady.

Was her manager? No, it was her manager who shot her, well, kind of like the fan group, fan club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was stealing money from the fan club. But the interesting is part of her community service was to do house cleaning at the fucking Schwarzegger.

Schwarzenegger gave her stabbing, boom. and school's the baby. Are you fucking crazy, Steve Bernard? That lady's doing time under the fucking jail. And she never said why she did it. I asked because I thought she was one of the ones that died in a plane crash, but apparently that's Alia. So I'm not a big, that kind of music fan.

And she said, no, her manager shot her. Alia's black. I don't know who Alia is. You said I got there. Selina. He goes down to Korea town. He jumps up and down and shit. No, I don't know.

But how come she's never said why she killed her? Like who, everyone always said. She stole the money. Then when she got accused of it, she shot it. But she had mental health fucking problems. That's why she shot. I think she shot her in a, yeah, yeah, they held her up in Corpus Christi and some truck. And they had her surround her at some hotel or something.

Selina's like the Mexican Elvis. They just will not let this woman go away. She's always, every year there's like a Selena Fest and all this shit. And, yeah. She was huge, man. Yeah. She was about in 94, you know, listen, the sad thing is everybody's always about. Yeah.

To do it. Tupac was about. Right, right. Saline was about, you know, but the album was great, and they shot it in the process of the album being popular. What was that song? I don't know. The slow jam. Not a bad jam.

Yeah. It wasn't bad. And then the movie, they made the movie with Jennifer Lopez. Right. You know, I remember Howard Stern made comments about her. Mm-hmm. And the big thing was Howard Stern, how to get security that the Mexican Mafia was like Howard Stern and shit. They were going to shoot them.

James almost was on his way to fucking New York. Yeah. So, got to mess. Can't mess with Tulina, though. You got to be a little fucking careful. Next thing you know, we got the cartel in our living room. Yeah. Making meth and shit banging our wives.

What the fuck, Lee? You didn't know. Well, anyway. I don't know. I agree with it. Sure. But I actually had something that I was thinking about that I wanted to ask you guys. So my brother called on Wednesday or Thursday, whenever I went to see.

Vicki Peza and we were talking and he was saying how much money he's making and I like I like fuck him my head a little bit he wasn't doing it to be mean but we just hadn't talked in a while and like I started thinking of all these things and how like I'm like a bad like not a bad person but like I felt bad about what I'm doing and like the next day I was thinking about like it's him making money has no it has nothing to do with me really and like I don't really I was trying to think of like get rid quick schemes and like and how to like start making a lot of more money, but I was just like, it must happen a lot with comics when people are

doing better than you and making a lot more money. And how long did it take you to, like, not freak out about it, like, to not get really pissed off and, like, think you're, oh, I'm going to go back to robbing people or whatever. I knew from the beginning. I knew from the beginning that all you could do was worry about you. I knew from anything else I ever did.

When you're a comic, you're just golfing. You can't worry. Yeah, he's having a great round. He's, fuck that. You just, you've got to concentrate on your game. That's it. And you're always competing against yourself. That's the way I've always viewed comedy because that shit's going to eat you alive. Literally, it's just going to eat you alive. There's always somebody who's doing better than you.

There's always some new guy that's going to start to pop. And the flavors of the month, they all go by the wayside. You just got to keep doing your own thing and keep working your ass off. And hopefully at the end of the day, when they bury you, they see some dirt underneath your fingernails and go, oh, that guy worked his ass off. That's the way I always look at it. You know, it's cliche to say, but it's like,

I'm a little older than you. and life is like peaks and valleys. You're going to be hot at times? You're going to be cold at times. It's life. You're going to have good years. You're going to have a fucking bad year. You're going to have a divorce.

Something's going to happen. Your mom passes. Your dad passes. Something happens. And you have peaks and valleys. But you keep going. And I think it's the same way with comedy. When you first came in, I asked you about the show.

You're a Sullivan's son, which you created and sold. Bigups to you. Bad motherfuck of a movie. The world of comedy. Most importantly, you, you brought your friends in, which meant the world to me. You brought, I would watch the show

when I was on the road on the saddle and I'd see Owen Benjamin and the black dude, and I'd see Ahmed, and I'd see all these guys, and usually comics get a little success and they alienate themselves. Yeah. But the good ones bring family in

to have that closeness on the set to watch your back, plus to make it fucking funny, your flavor. Yeah. And that's what you did. So I give you all the grace in the world. But then, way of, you know, in 97, 96, a bunch of comics got shows.

Do you remember? Oh, yeah, yeah. And there was Margaret Cho, because they all wanted to duplicate Tim Allen. It was Margaret Cho, Greg Geraldo, and Tom Rhodes. Yeah. They threw three shows at them. All three shows failed. If those comics would have put their heads between their tails and said,

well, Tim Allen hasn't disappeared, they wouldn't have been here. Margaret Cho is doing better than ever. Yeah. Todd, whatever, Tom Rhodes is funny than fucking ever. Yeah. And Greg Geraldor, rest in peace before he died. He was one of the top three fucking headlinesers in my world. I agree with you, yeah.

So, for some people, they fucking fall away side. This takes them aside. Oh, I can't deal with it. Brothers, they fucking scrap off. They got a rosebee sandwich or salt and pepper, some potato salad, and they get right to fuck back out there. And that's the best way to fucking put it. That's the American way.

Yeah. You know, the people that you see that are in. therapy and on Zoloft and whatever the fucking pills are. That's because something triggered and they won't let that motherfucker go. Yeah. It's here. We get it. And we sympathize with you and we understand you went through a rough patch. But there's a whole

fucking world out there. Yeah. There's a whole world out there. And so what? So what? There's a guy that's funny in you. Bill Burr's hilarious. Yeah. Fucking Sebastian's fucking hilarious. You're hilarious. If I went home and sat there I got to beat number three. You're missing the whole point of this fucking

journey. You got to be you. That's why, like, one of the things I learned when I was at the comedy cellar in New York City, seven years at the cellar, you know, you see everybody there. It's much like the store where on any night, Chappelle's going to come in, Chris Rock's going to come in, you know, Seinfeld's going to come in. Anybody's going to come in there and kill it. And you might be after that guy. And when I was starting off, I was always like, oh, well, I'm not as good as Chappelle. I'm not good. And the thing I realized after the seven years is the audience doesn't give a fuck.

they're done, they're gone, they saw them, now what the fuck are you going to do? That's all the audience cares about. I learned that it took a few years to learn it because in your head you're thinking all, I'm not at that level. Well, of course you're not, but at some point, maybe you will be, but all you can do is your best when you're on there and give them the taste of who you are, your identity and just go from there. So I agree with you, everything you're saying.

But when you're younger, like I remember being 25 and getting a call for, I was living in Colorado. I was making about six grand a month, selling cars. I was taking six credits at night, you know. I had a dog. I paid $450 a month rent. The car was given to me if I sold three or four cars. I wasn't doing bad.

Yeah. I wasn't fucking doing bad. Did I want to test a rosa? Did I want chick sucking my dick, Steve Byrne? That I want to go into a bar and pay for everybody's drinks? Did I want to be that guy? I think we all do when you're, you know, and I used to have friends that would call it. call me from Florida and go, hey man, we threw away $100,000 last night.

We lit it on fire last night. What do you mean? We're down here. Remember Bob Galindo? He has a stock guy. I came down. He bought me $5,000, $1,000 suits, and I'm living in his house. I'm selling stocks.

I'm swimming. And I remember going, holy shit, what do you make a month? And the guy's like $28,000, and I only work. I don't work Fridays and Saturdays and all this shit. I remember hanging up the phone and feeling like you. going, well, but going, you know what, I got my own thing going on here. Not being jealous any year later.

They all got arrested for penny stock fraud, and they all had to do 10 years. They lost their licenses, and today they're firemen on the, you know, they're doing fucking roofing work. I see him when I go home. All those guys, your brother's a fucking fitness guy, okay? Unless you're fucking Jackalane,

you ain't making no fucking money in fitness. He's a personal trainer making $12,000 a month. I'm sure. He's paying somebody doing a thousand things. That shit don't last. I wish him a lot of fucking luck in the world. I mean, I wasn't mad at him. No, you know. We don't have a good relationship, but, like, he wasn't doing it to be a jerk.

But. He was telling you what you should be doing to make that type of money. Like that, a little bit like that. And then it's just, he's my younger brother. I'm the older brother. And part of me was, I was like, I should be making more than him. But you're right. He also lives two blocks from your mom.

And he goes over three times a week for dinner. You follow him saying to you, too? Doesn't he live close to Mommy? Yeah. All right then. So at least you're out here sweating your balls out by yourself. What the fuck does he know about that? These two blocks from Mommy.

Shit goes bad. He goes back to Mommies. You're out here living with two Mexicans. Shit goes bad. You're on the floor next to the cousin and the fucking... The other guy who's not around no more. Right or wrong. These people...

Totally, yeah. You cannot ever worry in your life what somebody's doing. You cannot worry about it in your life. It should inspire you. especially when somebody close to you and they're a good person. Yeah. And something good happens. And you're like, wow, that means I got a fucking chance.

Yeah. I got a chance. Yeah. No, and I hope he does well because he's worked on for years. When you see fucking people on TV that I know you don't want a name of the fucking moron, and you're like, this fucking idiot's making a living. Can you imagine what I do if I get a paper and a piece of peat? Yeah.

You know, if I stop drinking, get a piece of paper. And that's how, in my world, that's how we begin. came comics. We were flicking to the channels one day and we saw some fucking idiot joking jokes or balloon in his head and we saw him again and we saw another stand-up show and then one day you go, you know what? To yourself, you go, you know what? I'm funny

in that fucking cunt. And then some guy at work while you're driving a limo or whatever goes, you're a funny guy that matches both thoughts together. I'm funny in that fuck. Now you have the fear of getting on stage for a year or it took me a couple of fucking years to

get on stage after that. I I determined that I was funny on that fuck I saw. Right. And my buddy told me I was funny on all those fucks. Took me a year, you know? But that's it. It should inspire you. Yeah.

It inspires you. When somebody goes, I wrote a book and you're like, this guy has a hard time fucking waking up. Yeah. I mean, when people talk, say those things to you, you have one or two routes. You let it eat you up and you give into that negativity or you use it as fuel. And you go, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to blow it out now.

So that's, you know, you can sit there. I was making 12 grand doing jumping, Jackson. You imagine what I could do? You imagine what the damage I can fucking do? Yeah. That's how you have to look at things, and that's inspiration sometimes. That's motivation. For me, it is.

For me, it is, you know, I don't have... The worst thing, you know, when you saw that 50 cents sold fucking vitamin water and got $80 million. How bad did you fucking feel? You've been drinking Kool-A for 2,000 years. You never figured out the vitamin C in that

motherfucker fucking... Yeah. How dumb do we fucking feel? It's American engineering. He said, you know what, why am I carrying vitamin C in water or my multivitamins? Let me put it in the motherfucker and sell it. Oh, how bad do you feel? Do I hate 50 cents? Fuck, no. Yeah.

Thank God you, you paid attention when they make Kool-Aid. We didn't do dick. We just were pissed because we didn't have enough sugar in that motherfucker I see. Yeah. That's, this is life. It's a beautiful fucking thing. That's why. If you want to put a...

If you want it to be. Yes. And even if you don't sometimes. Yeah. I know a lot of people who are rich are miserable motherfuckersers. Exactly, yeah. They're scumbag motherfuckers, but that's the way it is. I'll tell you something.

Right now, I had the baby this morning. I got up at 3 in the morning, my wife was puking. She gets migraines. She won't fucking go to acupuncture. She won't get a fixed. But, you know, all right, you got a fucking migraine. So I got up this morning and go, you know what? I'm not going to go to 930 jiu-jitsu.

Right. I got a podcast at 12 with Steve Byrne. What I'm going to do is I'm going to take the baby so you can relax. All right. And I took the baby. And I wasn't mad or anything. I took the baby, and I put her in a stroll. and I got a ball and a bat

and some water because she wants to give her milk don't give her fucking milk it's sunny on her stomach a curdle give her water like the communist I took some fucking water I froze the night before that's the worst thing you can do

is give her milk when they're outside playing I never thought about that yeah yeah it's fucking water it's 90 degrees in sunny LA you give me this fucking get milk

so so so I take the kids to North Hollywood Park and take it to the other end of the bar and I give it the bat and I'm walking back You know, the birds are out, the sun that's 10 to 10 in the fucking morning.

And I'm going to say to myself, what would make me happy than this at this point? Yeah. There's nothing. Not a TV show. Not a blow job. Not a pound to blow. Not living in Columbia. Yeah.

Not jumping up a parachute. This is it. This is, right now I'm not even happier. I don't even give a fuck about my comedy career anymore. Yeah. Because I'm being, I'm a man. It took me 50 fucking years, Steve Byrne, to be a man. Yeah.

Finally get together, this is what I need to do, pay bills. I had the concept. In my heart and my head, I just never put them together. Right. You're always too crazy doing something else. And I always tell you, forward comics or actors or writers were meant. And for the first time, I feel like a man. Yeah.

This is what I'm doing. I'm supporting a family. They're happy. They're all leaving without me, which is perfect. That means you're doing even better than what you think. You can put something on a plane and go. Don't worry about none here. Take an extra deuce and get some fucking lemonade at the airport.

it's a good airport Chicago I got tons of shit to eat but you know what I'm saying Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah I'm sure you had that When you uh

You know what After you hit 35 You know that You gotta have a million dollars And still be a fucking The happiest times I've had When I had 8 dollars in my ATM Oh by far yeah

The greatest I think like the greatest times I had As a comic was when I was starting Like you romanticize everything When it's all a reality when you're headlining, when you're doing an hour, it's fun. But I don't know, like driving around military towns 18 years ago, sleeping in my Saturn, because I couldn't afford a hotel room, looking up at the stars going, it's going to get better than this. This is great.

I mean, I'm making a living, quote unquote, doing comedy right now, and I was barely hand-a-mouth. I was sneaking on college campuses to take showers in the gyms. And just going around, I was like, this was exciting to me because I was doing comedy. So, yeah, those are the happiest times. And then it's still great doing comedy. I love doing it. It's not a job to me at all. But I agree with you.

Thinking back to those years, but you take all that and seeing a kid, like my daughter, when she laughs, I'm like, that's the greatest laugh I've ever heard. I've heard a lot of laughs 18 years, but that's the laugh I want. I love that laugh. So it's always those little things now. The little things are what makes you happy. And you started in New York first time you ever got on stage? Well, it's much like what you were talking about. I finish college in Ohio

I went to Kent State and my parents, my father's from New York City. Jack Lambert. Yeah, exactly. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. So my dad grew up in New York City,

got transferred to Pittsburgh, working for the Yellow Pages. So then he went back to New York City when I was in college and I said, can I crash your couch for like two or three months, experienced the city? Your dad? My dad and my mom, yeah. So they said, of course.

So I finished college. I literally graduated, got my diploma, got in a car, drove to New York City. I said, I got in at like 9 in the morning. I said, I'm not coming home until I get a job. I started on 96th Street and Broadway, and I walked all the way down to 50th in Broadway. It took all day. But at the 50th in Broadway, I walked in a Caroline's Comedy Club. The manager was there.

I'm looking for a job. He's like, what do you want to do? I said, I'll do anything. He said, come back tomorrow, fill us out. And I started sweeping the floor, answering the phones. And I saw a bunch of comics. I thought, I'm better than that. I think I could do that.

So that's exactly what happened. And it took me four months to work up the nerve and I went to stand up New York on the Upper West Side and tried out for the first time. And I came off stage and I was like emotional. And my brother came out. He goes, why are you crying? I'm like, I'm going to do that the rest of my life.

I don't give a shit if I ever make a dime. I will do that the rest of my life. So that's how it started. You, when you said that story about sneaking into colleges, I remember fucking being excited to feature. Oh, yeah. I was going to feature. Featurely feature.

It was a one-man headline that he did like an hour 20 and it was going to be like the MC slash feature. Yeah. And I'm getting in my car and having an ashtray filled with quarters,

having like eight joints, my clothes, maybe 20 bucks, you know? Yeah. B-210 from Colorado and I knew in two tanks I'd be, you know,

it was like a 2,000 miles to a gallon. Yeah. I remember pulling into Michigan, $4. I already ate 2,000. I already ate two Subway veggie and cheeses. I can't even look at another fucking veggie and cheese. You know, if I had up the change in the four bucks, I probably got $16.

There's nothing there for a hotel. You know, I'm going to pull up and I'm going to go, I'm here. And they're like, it's Wednesday. You don't start to Thursday and going, oh, shit. Yeah. What am I going to do? And they're like, well, you don't know, but we can't get your hotel until tomorrow. I'm not having a dime and going wild.

Nobody turns a car around. You find a holiday in, you park back there, and you... Get the sweatshirt on. And you get the sweatshirt on. I had everything in that fucking car. I had music. I had rolling papers.

I had radiator cleaner. I had basketball. I had a fucking football in that car. That car became... That's your house. That was my house. Yeah. And going to places and going, this is crazy.

Driving home, like, I have an older daughter. Yeah. In those days, I used to get her on Sundays, and I was finishing Boise, Idaho at midnight. Just all ass. I was getting my car and drive 10 hours straight and, like, pull over to take a nap. And you ever do that pull over to take a nap and you turn the lights off and you leave the car running and you wake up and you think like you fell asleep? You don't know what fucking fear is. Yeah.

You know, and you think of all those times and wow. Wow. Yeah. But all that matters is, you know, even nowadays people, you know, It's such an easy job. It's like the other 23 hours kind of suck. The hour you're on stage is why you do comedy. That's the best part.

And so even when you're sleeping in a car, it's like you get off after that 15 minutes when you're starting off for 10 minutes at host. And you're like, that was fucking great. It's just so euphoric. That to me was like the best drug. So I never got into drugs, never got, you know, I drank. I drink whiskey. You know, that's my thing. But I was always like, nothing will top that.

That's the best. And you worked at Carolines for how long? I worked there for about a year, and then I ended up getting fired because I was roommates with this girl who one of the managers was trying to bang, and he was jealous, and he just said, you're done here. And I'm like, what are he talking about? He said, get the fuck out. And so I got fired basically because this guy wanted to bang my roommate. But for me, it was a blessing because then I went even harder in on stand-up. And I worked at a Greek restaurant on 72nd in Columbus called the Aegean until like maybe six more months.

and then I just, I was emceeing and making a live and doing stand-up. So it took about like a few months, but I was knee-deep in it. I just loved it. That's the only way to get, you know, I tell people all the time. When you get into comedy, I want you to think about it. Yeah. I really want you to think about it because as a hobby, yeah, you can be a hobbyist and go to your open mic and do it twice a week.

Yeah. But once, like, it took me four years to decide that I was going for it. Like three years of dicking around and having day jobs. Yeah. Telling people, I was a stand-up, I'm really jerking myself all. And going to New York, I went back to New York, I did it for about nine months,

and I saw that fucking circus. And now I compared that circus to where I was at in Denver, which made it seem, you know, in Denver I could do 15 spots a month, but I didn't live in that circus. Right. In New York, I could do 90 spots a month,

but that wasn't a fucking circus. I had to have a day job. Yeah. I drove a limo. I didn't fucking like that shit. Yeah. So I went back to Colorado. I simplified it,

and that's where I developed. And I went, you know, once you start, I used to go to Wyoming, Riverton, Wyoming. Yeah. You know, the other one, some of the best Chinese food. Yeah. It wasn't fucking, uh, the place in Wyoming on Friday, shrimp and lobster sauce.

Holy shit. And you'd drive up and it'd be all New Yorkers, like lost New Yorkers. In Wyoming? In Wyoming. What would they do out there? To retire? Whatever they did for a lot of live. But this place cooked New York-style Chinese food on Friday.

Yeah. And they probably had, like, 12 tables. and you'd have to go out like 11 and there'd be a line off the door. Yeah. It was all New Yorkers. You know, New Yorkers are like, thank God for this fucking plate.

They didn't have an egg grill. They had like shrimp and garlic sauce, had nice pork fried rice. Yeah. But I drive from Boulder to, I can't remember what part of Wyoming it was. It was like an hour, 10. It wasn't.

But that's what, I mean, you've got to love what you're doing when you drive 10 or 12 hours. I mean, nobody does that on a whim or just say, I kind of like it. No, you love stand-up. when you're driving. I remember I took gigs. I look back at it and I'm like, what a fucking moron. But I left New York City. I rented a car. Actually, my dad rented the car for me because I

wasn't old enough. He had to be 25. Rented the car for me. I drove like 10 or 12 hours to Johnson City, Tennessee to go an MC for the weekend and drive the car back up, literally to do 10 minutes Friday, 10 minutes Saturday, and then go back up because I was like, well, this is how I get stage time that's all you lost money on the I lost money on it but I didn't give But you didn't give a fuck I was like this is the best This part of I'm on the road

I wasn't on the road Do you know there's people that would think you and I are crazy Like when you tell them that story like what You did what Listen my uncle runs that print shop over on fifth street Go see him you're a little fucking confused Okay go see him It's union you get benefits

Yeah after 30 days you get insurance it's nice You gotta drive a car to fucking Johnson City for fucking to lose money I drove, I rented a car from National Rent a car and I forget it and fucking drove 16 hours to Phoenix to showcase for knuckleheads. Wow, just to get in the loop, right?

Just to get in the loop, slept in the car. When you get there, the guy's like, where you're staying in my car? No, no, no, no, no. We have a hotel. Everything worked at. Yeah. You know, they bought breakfast. I got back in, drove 16 hours.

They gave me a week in Minneapolis as an MC and a weekend. Phoenix and I got a call like a month later the clubs were not a business but you did it but sometimes when I go pick up a check like sometimes when I work on a movie and we catch him sleeping and you go pick up your check

and it's a lot bigger than what you thought you think of that time that's what I think of to justify it yeah this is for that time I didn't have money I didn't send child support so I could rent the car for $150 as an investment I lost money but I got it back

10 years. It's this fucking check I just got. Because what I do, I went there, the two lines, and I sat on the table, and they're fucking craft, whatever the fuck all day. That's how I look at it. Sometimes, I'm like, ooh, and I actually think of the job. Like, New Year's for Sarah and I,

fucking 12 shows for 600 bucks. New Year's, it's $50 a show. I did that. And I paid $400 for the plane ticket, so I ended up losing, you know, I ended up making $200 fucking dollars. But I work New Year's, you know, and I did six show or 12 shows and you get your craft

going and so a lot of people just don't understand that type of investment Yeah, it's not only an investment But it's also you're happy Like they might have the security but you're in a cubicle, you're fucking miserable, you go back, you kick the cat, you yell at the kids I every day

I'm like, this is fucking awesome I tell jokes for living And I come home, I have a house It's like I don't know, to me There's days where I sit in my backyard I'm like I can't believe this is all this is fucking amazing. You know, one of the worst things in life as a man

or a woman of being young is when you make a discovery. When you fucking just think of something, go, wow. And it's the feeling when you want to do stand-up, when you, and I shouldn't say stand-up, when you want to play a guitar. Let's say you wake up tomorrow and you want to be a fucking magician. And once you're doing your little magic trick

at the Canyon Club on Friday nights and seven for kids, and we're just looking at it as a Google. way, whatever. I'm not here to make fun of anybody, but I'm just saying that fuck, it becomes so hard to have a day job. Yeah. Because it puts everything into perspective. Like once your life

gets put into perspective, it's the scariest thing in the world because it becomes a do or die situation. Yeah. Like I would have people call me and go, hey man, we're going to pay you a thousand bucks a week, come down here, watch cars, drive the people around, and I go, I don't think so. Yeah. Why not? Because I got to work

until eight. The open mic at is at 730 sign up. Like, I wouldn't take a job because of a half hour overlapping. But in the back of my mind, I didn't take a job because I wanted to be a stand-up. I wanted to see what it fucking became. I wanted to see what you had to do. I thought if I kept a job, that would be the fucking easy way. I didn't even if you could fucking keep a job.

Yeah. I like walking without a net. That's what gets me fucking alive sometime. And I turned down, oh, my God, so much, like, after I decide to become a comic, that's where all those jobs started coming in. that I wanted. Like some place offered me a service manager like starting at 40 plus commission

and you know you can make 80,000 after bonuses and I'm going, can I still do comedy though? Right, right, yeah. Two Saturdays a month. It was a long month. I was like, you know, all these jobs I wanted and that's how fate works. Now that I found what I really love

and what I really want to fucking do, now all the fucking jobs that I really was looking for started coming to test my commitment. And I was like, fuck it, I'll live in a car. Yeah. I'll live in a car. I'll give up my apartment. I'll have a pager.

I gave up everything for comedy. You know, I gave up TV. When I first met Rogan, and they were like, he's on news radio. All right, what channels are on? A.m. or Fem? They're like, no. It's a fucking TV show.

Yeah. That's what the commitment level is. I didn't know what a wedding was. Yeah. Your friend, that's the reason why I became a comic, so I wouldn't have to go to fucking weddings on Saturday. Now, whether you have a wedding or whether I have that date or not, I'm not coming to your wedding.

I sing you an envelope. Yeah, I'll put 200, 300, 300 in there. But, you know, that's a comic. When comics call me now and they go, things aren't going right for me. All right, what are you doing this weekend? Well, my mother's coming to town. Your mother shouldn't be coming to town, Jack.

Yeah. You know, tell her you eating breakfast with it one day, but we do comedy here. Yeah. We do comedy. Everybody wants to fucking die. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

I died. You know, you died. You walked around in New York City, drove a fucking car. But then we've seen the people that you said that come here, they go to Montreal, they get $600,000,

they go to the comedy store, they want to bump you, they say fuck you. And then one day, you don't see him no more. Yeah, it's a marathon. You know, we're guys like us are in it for the long haul.

You're doing it for the right reason because you love stand-up. And that's what I always thought. I was like, you know what? Ebs and flows, ups and downs, doesn't matter. at the end of the day, it's a body of work that you got to create and

just be a fucking killer. That's it. That's what I try to do. Now, Sutherland, son, how did that come up? I was literally working my ass off on the road and I just thought, I'm just going to bang out these specials, our specials, be a great road comic, I don't care. Moved to Chicago, left L.A., never

got auditions. Any audition, I was never Asian enough, never white, and I'm this weird, weird kind of... And your father's New York? York City, Irish. My dad's, yeah. Old school, Irish, the Bronx, those motherfuckers?

Stuyvesantown. Oh, shit. He grew up. And, yeah, he's Irish. Second generation? Yeah, second generation. And my, you know, he... What a weird clan they are?

You got to love them. Most guys... That's second generation Irish in the city. You got to love those savages. I love them. And they all served, so that's why he met my mother over in Korea. So he served, you know, Army. Did that for a while.

just a guy that's like grew up alcoholic parents did everything on his own kind of grew up on his own in the city Street smarts older brothers but they were like 10 years older than him so he was never really close to them so he kind of grew up on his own and put himself through

college army just one of the smartest guys I've ever met he watches Jeopardy he just knows every question he can fix anything he's like an old school great American dad like when you think of a man like an American man like that's my dad

he's just the best and you know just gave me everything coached all my hockey teams just a great dude and yeah so so I that's how they met so I basically I used to go hiking all the time up this one canyon

Bronson Canyon with Vince Vaughn so I met him through Ahmed Ahmed and Ahmed and all those guys were all pals so we used to go hiking all the time and one day Vince just goes you know because you're Korean and Irish, you have so limited opportunities, you should write something for yourself. And I was like, well, I never wrote anything. He's like, no, you can do it.

I go, but I don't know. He goes, you can do it. That's literally the conversation. He just said, you can do it. I think you can, I believe you can do it. And I said, okay, so I bought all these books on television writing, script writing, sitcoms, whatever. For like three or four months on the road, I would finish my gigs and I'd go to a diner,

or I'd go to my room and just treat myself like I was in college. I'd just read. and then another three months I wrote the script and I turned it into him. He goes, he goes, what's this? I go, this is the script. I wrote it. He goes, oh, I can't believe you fucking have this conversation with so many friends. They never do it.

You actually did it. So a week later, he called me and he said, uh, this is pretty good. Let's, uh, let's get to work on this thing. So we did. And then within a year, we filmed the pilot, which is really quick. It doesn't happen that quick is what I found out afterwards in which I'm starting to learn now on my own, but I just took matters in my own. but I just took matters in my own hands.

I wrote it. I never thought I'd be able to write something. And it's so fucking crazy. This is how fucked up this town is. Hollywood is so fucked up, okay? I'll go on audition after audition. There are very few I would get. Nothing.

I write a script. Now I'm in charge, right? With the other EPs. And I'm sitting there auditioning people and they're like, what do you think? I'm like, here's what I think. You don't even know if I can do this. I wrote it, but I haven't been in front of it.

of a camera yet and now I'm judging people saying oh he's good enough for she I don't know what's good I don't know what's bad because I just wrote the thing and I know if you put me in front of a camera right now you wouldn't cast me in my own show because I've never been cast in anything and then all the sudden you're there on Warner Brothers and everything's the focal point of you're the focal point everything because you're the star and I was nervous as all I couldn't I I I went to Warner Brothers If you put up one of those cameras like a Blair Witch or like one of those, what are those scary paranormal activity? You just put it there. I was there Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

We taped on a Sunday, I believe. I was there Friday, Saturday, and you could just see me go through my blocking and doing my lines over and over again. I would have looked like a crazy animal just doing this weird pattern and everything because I was just like, I'm not going to fuck this up. I got to nail this. So it was scary, really fucking scary. No one damned lawyer of Christine Ebersol, Brian Dole Murray, Jody Long, who was Margaret Cho's mom on All-American. It's like I'm not holding anybody up. I'm going to fucking hit my mark.

So I took it all very seriously. But that's kind of how it happened. It's just a conversation from one of my best pals who said, I believe in you, I think you can do this. You should give it a shot. And now three years, I worked on a show. I wrote a show. I produced a show.

I started it. Now I'm writing three other shows and I just wrote a feature. And so all takes is sometimes somebody pointing you in another direction going, you're fantastic at this. maybe develop one of your other traits that come with being a comic. You know, you should think about writing something for yourself. And here I am now. It's kind of crazy that he believed in me.

Now, with Sullivan and Son autobiographical, did your parents have a bar together? No, they didn't have a bar together. But, you know, essentially the foundation of the show was pretty much what I was going through in my life at the time, where living out of a suitcase, 50 weeks a year. I didn't stop. I just ran the road. stop. And I was like, professionally, I'm doing great. Did the Tonight Show 10 times, late night talk shows, hour longs, great. Money, saving it. Personally, I was a mess. I was never around

my friends, never saw my family, didn't have a girl. It was just the worst. So I wrote a show about a guy who gives up the professional aspirations he had in New York City to go home to be with his friends and family in Pittsburgh because I didn't have a home. The Holiday Inn was my home. The Marriott was my home. A height was my home. So I was just daydreaming. What would I love to do? I'd love to go back to Pittsburgh, be with my mom and dad, be with my brother who I made a sister off the show, be around all my pallies, and just create a universe where it was like daydreaming. This is best case scenario for me. And every guy wants a bar. I think every guy wants to put a bar in his man cave or in his basement. I thought that's what I'll do. So that's kind of the genesis of Sullivan and

something. That's how it happened. That's brilliant. Yeah. And so Steve, Steve, Sullivan got what he wanted. He got personally to be happy. And it's so funny because when I did the pilot, I got married just before, just as I was writing it. And my daughter was born the day of our table read. So I was

at 5 in the morning, I was at the hospital and then at 8 in the morning, I'm at the table read. And she had just been born prior to. So Christine Ebersault was like, this is a good sign for the show. And it was. We got three great years out of it. Well, nothing to be fucking ashamed of it. Yeah. No, no, absolutely. Yeah. No, no. Absolutely. I loved

every second of it. Every day was a blessing. And I tried to get you on. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Dom I rare he got put through the ringer. He almost did it. He couldn't do it at the last minute. But, you know, everybody. Crystal Leigh, Leslie Jones. Yeah, Julie was casting it. It was

the best. We had so many friends. Gardell, who I used to tour with for years. We toured, we did this Jameson Whiskey tour. For two years, we lived out of our suitcases and just kind of trying to sell the Jameson name. But we went across the country back and forth twice.

And there's a guy, now he's on Mike and Molly. And so it was kind of cool to literally be on one standstage. He's on the other. We'd go over, we'd see each other say, hey, and we're like, five, man, four years ago, we were living out of her suitcases, Shuck and Jameson, and here we are now in Warner Brothers. It was great. But this is part of the dream, especially this comedy dream,

because what I liked about it, listen, I'm not here. Once I would go into college and I went to prison, I came out, and I really, really tried. steeper and I really tried to because that's what I always wanted. It was like you. I just wanted to be a normal person, a normal job and have the weekends off. I tell you, I did it.

I had a roofing. I was a roofing estimator and I liked it and I liked the contact. I like getting in the truck in the morning but then I had a problem. This is it. Yeah. This is it guys. This is it until I'm 65. Yeah.

I'm 30 years old. So in 35 years, Joy was a great estimator. He was a great roofer. He had a great roofing company. I got a watch and I got a bad back and that's it. And that's a great American fucking dream. It was a great dream for me at the time, coming where I was coming from. Yeah.

But there was something missing. There was just something missing. You know, I think the more I like I hear you talk, I'm like, you know, I'm receiving it and I'm thinking, you know, you always personalize things. I think it's love. Love is what it is ultimately. when you see that girl you're going to marry, most, you know, there's a lot of guys, gals, they go, the minute I saw her, I knew it.

She's the one. I love that girl. I don't even know how. I don't know why. I love her. I want to be with her. That's who I'm spending my life with. People say that all the time.

I think the same thing would stand up or anything that you love doing, your profession. You just something clicks and you go, I love that. I'm doing that. I don't give a shit. I'm in love with. I'm in love with. You know, when I was in New York City, I was in love with comedy. comedy was more, I love comedy more than girls.

You know, I would go out. I try to meet girls after the show, but it's like, yeah, I can't meet you for dinner because I got five shows tonight. You can meet me at two in the morning. Definitely, if you're still out, absolutely. But until then, I'm seven days a week, 365 days a year for seven years in New York City. I work Thanksgiving, Christmas, Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve. It didn't give a shit because I loved stand-up.

And I still do. So I think love is what's the minute it clicks for you. you go, I love that. That's amazing how my love has changed for standing. Yeah. Like from 91 to 2004 or 5, it was the love to get better. To figure this out, to figure this puzzle life. Right.

And then I didn't like it for a while. It became the business part. I got to argue for how much money I'm going to make, radio. Yeah, yeah. Then you have the business part of it. And I didn't like it. The great Eddie Griffin used to say, we got to comedy so we wouldn't have a day job.

Yeah. But unfortunately, that's part of it. That's part of it. So, just, and then I didn't like it for a while. And then I almost got out. I was just going to do sets around town and, you know, whatever. Just go up there and fuck around. Then this podcast thing started.

And now you go out. And it's weird because the connection we have now during the week, we go out to towns and then those people, and they'll go, hey, man, let's listen. burn episode and it becomes one. Yeah. And it's really nice to meet these people. So it makes me work harder. Right. It's me being on top of my game.

So the love is changed, which I don't know if it happens with a woman. Yeah, it does because I love my wife now more that she has the baby. Yeah. Yeah, I love her more now. Now we're connected. There's something a little tighter than just dating and just fucking and just being married. Now we're real. It's been solidified, you know? So I think that, yeah, you're right. The love does grow. I love it. Yeah.

I absolutely love every second of it But I agree with you The love does change There's ebbs and flows I almost, it's funny When you talk I almost quit stand up Maybe going into my third season

of Sullivan and son You know here we are We're on TBS We're a summer show We don't get the accolades We don't get the write-ups I never got invited On a late night talk show

To talk about the show My manager left comedy I basically had no manager I had just filmed a third hour special and I tried to meet with a lot of management agent. Nobody would even take a meeting with me. And here I am producing and starring in my own television show, got an hour, nobody will meet with me.

I can't get on anything other than what I'm doing. And I came to a point where I was so bent up and banked up. I'm like, why am I giving all this love and investment in a stand-up comedy? It seems like nobody gives a shit. So fuck it. Maybe I'm just done with it. And I talked to my wife. And I stopped going to the store for a little bit.

I would just go on the road to make the money to pay the rent. And then I just, I don't know, there was something that just clicked. And I wrote a joke and I said, that's why I do it. Because I wrote this joke called about being a champion. And I wrote it literally just before I filmed the special. And I was like, that's the best joke I ever wrote in my life. And that's why I got in a stand by the first place. And so fuck it.

If people like it, they like it. If they don't, they don't. I don't give a shit. I'm happy. I'm happy doing this. And so write your ass off. And so I finished the special, done, and then I'm starting to write this fourth one now. I'm in the middle of it.

But that to me was like a pivotal moment where for some reason just almost like sometimes people go, I don't know how I wrote the song. It just came, like that joke just kind of came to me. And maybe that's somebody upstairs, tap me on the shoulder going, don't get too down. You know you love it. It's still there for you. Have fun with it. it reinvigorated my passion for it.

You know what I do when I'm feeling weird about it? Yeah. I go to the store. Yeah. An hour early. And I sit in the back. Yeah. I shot my mouth.

And I'm sitting next to an other body. I try to hide and I watch it. Yeah. And once I start laughing again, that's it. Yeah. That's a fucking... I got to fucking get up there. Yeah.

I come up to you and like, two more than you. And you're like, you motherfucker. I'm sitting back here born and like a fucking egg. Yeah. What's up? Well, you came out of your little comb over that cut in a second? Yeah, no, I'm good. It's last week, Steve, we talked about him.

I had a big tax bill. And I got like 60, 70 emails this week. And it's amazing how people love other stuff. Like, this guy wrote me. He was a big executive for Nike. And he quit. He lives in Dallas, and he's opening an exotic pet resort with his friend. He's making like $50,000 less a year, but he loves it.

And it was crazy to get those emails. There's a lot of people going through it. And it was cool to hear that from people. You know, society Put you in a bind Life puts you in a bind sometimes Yeah And those are the people that you go to some place

And after you do your business You go boy that person hates their job Oh oh Anywhere Go anywhere People fucking hate it I hate their job Can I use your bathroom

Go ahead Go ahead Go ahead One more time I got a little Tony Bennett While my main man goes Take a little wee there I've been drinking like a gallon of water a day now

Because my wife's getting me on it And I'm like Fuck This is I got a piss all the time bro, I go through this shit at night. Where's the Tony Bennett, cock sucker? It's a beautiful day to be alive. Go out there, grab your cat.

Okay. You see, I gotta deal with stuff from the beginning, please. What happened, Natalie? I was trying to change cameras. Sorry. Hi. Pick up the pieces. When somebody breaks your heart, though.

Nothing does it matter. Why are you sitting there? I'm looking at one look at a year. Because I probably had, like, 300 milligrams. Oh, you did? Yes, I did. I gave you 100.

You gave you 100. You gave you 100 fucking milligrams. You know, whatever. Coxsucker. A somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me who will leave you to learn

Oh yeah, cock suckers. Love's company. It's my mother. day wait and see What's up Lisa You're a little fucking rat bastard You know

I'm feeling good You sure I know you're feeling good Like 2,000 milligrams of these edible I know That's what I said You feel fucking tremendous

To you Well sorry about that That was just I was getting to a breaking point I was like something bad's gonna happen Sometimes you just got to fucking pee Man Yeah

I got to pee all Last night got up only once Yeah Usually I go out And I drink water. You go to the comedy store, you grab a water. You're going to laugh at you grab a water.

You go home and you want to unwind and maybe make some notes and what do you do? You make a decalf. And you don't know how many ounces that is but you got about fucking 48 ounces floating in your fucking piss and your piss hose. And the next thing you know you go to bed and you're sleeping

tight. And for me I've got to take the sleep back on your mask off. You don't know how many ounces. You don't know how many ounces? You don't. You don't. And when you add it all up, you're like, Oh my God. These things, how many of these things? 16.

16, yeah. So it's 32 plus the fucking 8 ounce coffee, that's 40. You got 40 and your kidney and your whatever, your pee calculator only breaks it out in five ounce pisses. So that means you got to pee fucking eight times and fucking six hours. So nobody sleeps. So that's what happens. Start looking forward to getting older.

Once you hit like 44, your eyesight just goes. To the point where you can't see a dollar bill when you get off stage. Yeah. It's dark. You can't fucking see. You go from that light. All of a sudden, you're looking for the stairs. You're like that old guy on the fucking escalator.

It's a fucking nightmare. And then you got to pee. You got to pee. And you got to pee. And you've always got to pee as soon as you got on the 101 and there's traffic. Then you got to pee. And I will pee any. Where did I pee today?

I peed somewhere today with the baby. Yeah. She was on the swing. And I just went over and took my little peanut up by the fucking garbage can. I was making believe. I was looking at a water or something, and I just peed. I got a fucking pee, man. Yeah.

For breakfast, you drink water. Yeah. I drink water with the fucking pills and the breakfast. So, what fuck, Lee? Everything all right? You got a little picnic shirt out. Look at you. Yeah, what was last week?

What's that? What was the shirt I was wearing last week? Oh, whatever, the Shug Night T-shirt. Yeah, one of those Shug Night T-shirts, the V-Cut with the T-Shut underneath. That's a sharp T-Short. That's a fucking great out. Beatles.

Yeah. Love him. It's amazing. Nobody talks about the Beatles. Yes, I was into the Beatles. I had to drive slow and get my composure. I didn't grow up a beetle fan. It was pounded in.

I grew up in a beetle neighborhood. And they were all waiting for the fucking comeback. When John Lennon got shot, it was the saddest and happiest day in my life because I shut those motherfuckers up. It's over. No more comeback. Move on with your life.

Put on legs up on. And they cover this friend. It was amazing. Beetle fans were wait. Man, they're going to make a comeback. I heard it. I remember I was a kid that fucking, you know, when he got shot in 79 or 80,

80 he got shot I was already fucking 7 you know another piece Not even a little edible For Lee the Flying Jew Just the common down Look at them No but that's how good the Beatles are I think it's how bad music sucks today

Music sucks so bad You have classic rock stations You have stations that play oldies Because there isn't good enough shit I don't know I just think music today Was it the Beatles that I heard on the radio Or something that they outsold like six or seven major artists now like Beyonce, Jay-Z.

Like they did the math and the Beatles sold more than six or seven major people. Was that them? I don't know if that's a major. It was a different game. There was no downloads. There was no videos. It was straight up gangster. Either you brought the fucking animal or you didn't.

How many albums did you sell, Steve Byrd? How many? Oh, my God. 18 downloads and 16 solid arms and 72 CDs. No. How many fucking albums did you sell, all right? Just give it a fucking bottom line. Nobody had eight tracks.

You fuck. See, now they rob you because now, oh, you did 13 downloads and you sold eight hard copies and 16 downloads internationally. Yeah. Which means they tax you a dollar to the Chinese. They don't fuck around. They grab you right in the air, you know what I'm saying? Just like a psych. I mean, there was so many.

Now, I think, yeah, the Beatles probably fucking killed it. Oh, yeah. You know, the young general, they have to have like a nut, like they had roots when I was a young kid. Like just when you were starting like, I don't know about black people, they put roots on TV. You were like, okay, I get it. No, they're all right. They ain't that bad. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. But now they have to do the same for Beatles because the last four generations really have no idea what happened. Really have no idea about that shirt. And you straighten up for a second, Lee. Okay, so this is supposed to be Paul McCartney. Lee, what? I'm on it. I'm supposed to be Paul McCartney's funeral.

Watch your hand, Steve Byrne. See how that's supposed to be Paul McCartney's funeral? You see the Pee under the Beatles? that P was for Paul McCartney They said that was a double in this T-shirt On his album cover So nobody really knew if Paul was dead Yeah

They were playing a trick on America Like this Kim Kardashian shit That wouldn't fly back then Yeah This was all they were You know when they walked across Abbey Road He was barefoot

Yeah There's so many things that they were throwing To fuck with people Nobody had ever fucked with people before Yeah That was the Beatles And that's why And all of a sudden

You put on like rubber soul And you're like You know what I've never done drugs I'm thinking about it. I feel like I just did it. Yeah. Rubber soul, you're like, I don't know, man.

But they did this album because they didn't want to tour anymore. So they said, fuck it. And they got experimental. They did. And it was inspired by Brian Wilson's pet sounds because they heard what he was doing. They're like, fuck, we got to. You know, so that's like what we were talking about earlier. You know, you can let other people get in your head or whatever.

They listen to Brian Wilson. They go, okay, holy shit, look what this guy's doing. So you use the fuel for fire where you sit there and you bitch and moan about the guy what he's doing. So they used it to inspire them and then they create one of the greatest rock and roll records ever. One thing about the Beatles that has always, that's taught me a lot about life, taught me about careers and life is that I don't know how many albums they put out. I don't know what the number is, 16, 30, I don't know what the fuck it is.

But you saw the evolution. You saw the evolution with Led Zeppelin, you know. Yeah. As a comic, you want the same. You know, I listened to my last CD two days ago was fucking terrible. That is the worst CD of all time. Eating pussy with asthma. And it's just horrifically bad. You know, and I'm sure all comics

listen to their second CD and go, how do I find the way to get all of them back? Yeah. Like, how do I get them all back? Like, I don't ever want this CD out because we evolve. I'm sure that if you go to Paul McCartney and go, tell me the truth about Sergeant Peppers. I fucking hate the third song.

You're like, what? Yeah. You know, so that's what I liked about. the Beatles that and it answers the question Lee had no matter what people the Beatles listen the Beatles were around when people were throwing heat they went up against the stones the doors Janice Joplin

you know the tail end with Zeppelin Jimmy Hendricks I mean guys there's a different market for music you had a fucking come out you listen to an album from 1971 and you buy an album today and go okay you're a nice guy Steve Byrne you're not gonna criticize nobody you're a sweetheart yeah How many good songs on the album?

Like, seriously? One. How about that led Zepp on that? How many on there? You look me in the face and go, you know what? Out of the eight songs? Five of those motherfuckers are killers. Yeah.

That was the level of competition. The who? Yeah, all those guys over there. I'm not even talking about here. Those guys were over there. Just the brick band. Eric Blant, Eric fucking clapping with the yard birds. You know, what if Paul McCartney ran and they go,

guys, you better listen to the new yard bird album. We're done. No, they're going to do what they're going to do. And guess what? You're going to do what you're making your thing. Are you going, no, I'm going to take down Steve Byrne with the sound? No. You're being the best Joey D as you could be.

You're not thinking about Steve Byrne. But if you make your work, it's the people that go after people. Why, I'm going to show that motherfucker. You didn't show me dick. Yeah. Because you were too worried about me, Coxieck. Show you. Show you.

Worry about your fucking self. I credit. That is the perfect answer to you questionally. These guys were going up against killers. You know, their manager was probably. Well, Pete Best, that was the manager's name. No, no. That was the driver they replaced.

Oh, God. Well, his manager, their manager died, I think, maybe like three or four years in. God, I forget his name. It's Brian Epstein. So you're a big, you're a big, you're a big, beetle guy? Yeah, love the Beatles. I love music in general. I love everything.

Can I ask you a question? Whenever you see Yoko, do you go, God damn it? Oh, fuck you bitch. You're a fucking dirty. You ruined it all. You kiss a deck with that fucking kid that can't hold a tune either. That kid is the worst. They should just shoot that fucking jubbing.

I haven't listened to his stuff. Oh, you don't. Or her stuff. It's as bad as her stuff. Hers is pretty brutal. Oh, my God. And people go to, like, her things. Like, she has art exhibits still.

Yeah. She throws, like, Chinese food on the wall. People are like, oh, my God, that egg roll. And she has, like, her, well, now I sing song for you. You got to sit there and put up through this fucking misery list. You know, let me clean your house or what for the small 200? Well, I will say, I thought the cool thing. And by way, when you go to, like, La Jolla, you know that, I forget what

what that that street is. It's like Garnett Street when you come up. There's that big mural of John Lennon. Right. And I always saw it. I thought, that's the fucking coolest thing because there's a black and white John Lennon. And there's, they put the ladder up there and they wrote yes. And I know the story, the story of why he fell in love with her or why he thought she was amazing is that he went to one of her art exhibits. And there was a ladder that went all the way up to the ceiling. And from the ceiling was a magnifying glass. And you take the magnifying glass and you hold it up and there was something very small written. And it just said yes.

And he thought, wow, that's really nice that with all the art shows that he's been going to, people were negative and angry, and here's somebody that just wrote something very positive and it was very simple. And he thought, this is a positive person.

I want to be around this woman. And that's how he fell in love with her. And I thought that was kind of a cool story. But other than that, I think she's fucking god-awful. I agree with everything. Sometimes I'm going to fuck about yes, okay? You make me go up a ladder to see yes.

I'm going to kick you in the fucking head, okay? I can fall off. I got to sue somebody. My attorney ain't around. Fuck you in the ladder. Fuck you, Yokoona, you cock sucker. I'm going to go up a fucking ladder, John Lennon, really?

One thing about, he tortured her. He tortured all his women. That's why they fucking, he tortured her too. Yeah. He used to kick her around the shit, which, you know, I think, even if the cops come after you beat Yolena, like, we got to go.

We didn't see nothing. She fell on the stairs. I don't know. You got a T-bone in the freezer? Have you heard her last fucking cassette? We would have kicked ourselves to that shit. Lee, what's happening? What are you doing the rest of the day today?

Lee, where are you going? Now, I have to recover from this. You got to go to the gym and do you? I will at some point. You're going to wear your little blue shirt? No, not to the gym. You wear that blue shirt to the gym and it's all over. They're going to fucking give you massages.

There's people who do that at that gym. Oh, they do? Yeah, they look. They wear shorts with that shirt. There's this crazy old guy who wears. shorts with that shirt. Oh yeah, and colored socks with sneakers on.

I see somebody with colored socks on. That is the toughest day in my life. What color? Black. I wear black socks. At the gym? Oh, no.

Yeah, because you're Harvey Homo. That's why. I'm talking about fucking black socks with gym sneakers. Then you go to the gym. You can't do that. You can't do that. See, in my school,

they send you home in case you step on glass, the ink goes into your blood, into your foot. That's why. But just for fucking GP. I don't want you around with the fucking,

uh... There's this old Italian dude? who wears, like, business, like, loafers, and, like, pants. He looks like he came from the office every day. But he's, like, 90, just walks on the treadmill all day. How come every time I do a podcast in the daytime, this guy wants to become Johnny Construction? If I come in the daytime to hang out nothing, there's no fucking, there's no woodpecker. I come here and do a pet.

Also, he's, anyway, don't get me stuck. Let me give some shout-outs. I'm going to close this motherfucker up. We'll ask you some couple questions there. Let's get the week started right with Brandon Dorotch, Burbank 818, get well, Coxucker, Andre Atheist, whatever your name is, Justin Delgado, Paul Lynch,

Vincent Espinoza, Leon Suarez, David Cormettel, and Dead Squad Nashville, and the rest of your fucking savages out there. So let me ask you this. So you got these two scripts. Now, I'm going to be as honest I can with you. In the description, you gave me a Sullivan son,

you're on to something. Yeah. You're on to something. So comedy could become a stepping stone for you because you have imagination that I thought that Sullivan's son was actually autobiographical like your parents had a bar at some time in Cleveland. What were the fuck you're from? Yeah, the relationships were definitely there.

The relationships were absolutely on point. My mom is my mom on the show. My dad is my dad on the show. Dan Loria embodied my father. He's the all-American fucking dad. That is no... Like when my dad, pulled in the driveway he's one of those like if you if you got in trouble and you hear those that car come in the driveway like oh fuck i'm gonna get it i'm scared of my dad i'm scared of my dad when i was growing up i love my dad i look up to him but he had a presence too where it's just like if you fucked up you're gonna get it so i think there's there like that old school kind of american guy i think is kind of lost now it's like the dad's always a fucking idiot on all the commercials dad can't operate this dad can't figure out the

computer, dad can't, you know, it's just, uh, it wasn't my dad. My dad could do anything. And, you know, I'm trying to be that as well for my daughter and, uh, son, upcoming son, expecting son. Yeah, dads are supposed to do a lot. And then mom's supposed to be fucking superheroes. Yeah. The shit that I'm mama do. It's just, uh, I see it sometimes, especially now at this age, at the park and shit, when I take her, I see what moms go through. Yeah. Yeah. got a fucking rough goddamn job. Dad's got a rough goddamn job too.

What do you think, Lee? Everybody's got a rough job. Everybody's got a rough job. Look at the shape of this fucking guy. You gave me like 300 milligrams. I gave you a 75 million. You're going to give you a little fucking piece. This is a 6,000 milligram star.

It was. It was. Show it to the camera now. It's halfway there. We're going to eat the rest of it. The first five days of April. This is April Fool's a week. 6,000 milligrams.

That's what happens to you. You wake up like the... Like Jim Morrison. You fucking die. You're puking the tub and shit like that. What's your next plan besides the three scripts and the movie script? Just writing this. I'm on the road working on this fourth hour.

So you go out every week. Every week, yeah. Because I look at it like you're training for a marathon. You've got to run every day. You've got to run a little bit. So I got to get up at least three nights a week. So you get that on the road. So, you know, do the hour, work on the hour, chisel the hour.

Every hour, I agree with you. Like, you look back to your last day. Like, oh, fuck, that wasn't that good. So I just want to try to make each one better and better than last one. That's all you do. That's how you evolve. I mean, that's the, yeah, I never really, honest to God, I never looked at, I looked at comics for being funnier and having good material and the same. But I never got jealous of a comic doing better than me because I knew it had nothing to do with me.

I always, if I saw some mind, I go, oh, fuck. I'm going to have to go home and run. a little more now. You know, I'm going to come home. Especially when you're at the store. And you see people who write every day and they bring different ideas every day. And like I said, it's never made me jealous, if anything. Inspires.

It's inspired me. Yeah. Yeah, like I see Sebastian now. He and I kind of came to the store around the same time. The guy's selling out theaters. You know, he's popping up all over the place. He's got a big following. He's on the Tonight Show with Fallon.

And I'm like, fuck. I remember when he was questioning things. and now here he is, he's killing it. And I watch him on stage. I'm like, his voice is so defined. He knows exactly how to make whatever it is he wants to talk about funny because he knows how to construct it coming out of his mouth. He just knows his voice so clear.

And I see that. I'm like, fuck, I got to get to that. And it's like, you know, you're always going to doubt yourself sometimes. But I'm like, I got to work a little harder now because I see what it takes to pack in a theater. And Sebastian's doing it. So, you know, there's always guys that are going to come up. that will provide that impetus for you. And Sebastian, for me, is one of those guys.

Burr was it for a few years, but, I mean, Burr's killing it now. He's killing it. Sebastian, with me, it's different because I saw Sebastian come in as a young kid that didn't say two fucking words. It was very polite. He spoke under his breath. What the fuck, guy, come on. Oh, I want to know if you were going to go up next.

Yeah, I'm going to fucking next. Come on. And I remember still going to audition with him and pulling them in. He was talking to a bunch of guys that weren't going to do shit to him in a group. I pulled the man. I go, come on. And we booked it. It was politically incorrect mob week.

Oh, wow. And we booked like a thing with Bill Maher. Yeah. We couldn't touch him. Don't make eye contact. Don't shake his hand. Oh, Jesus. And I see Sebastian now, and he's this fucking animal.

Yeah. And you're an animal. You know, you got the TV shows. So all these young guys, you know, Ahmed Ahmed is the love of my life. He's a great guy. Absolutely. I shot Marin with him. And I hadn't been back to the store in six and a half years,

and I walked in with him. And at one point, we were shooting, and we were giggling. We were talking to Mark, and Mark went away. I looked over it. I met, I go, Ahmed, do you think, did you ever thought 12 or 13 years ago we were starving outside the Union when it was now, God knows what the fuck it is? It's Pinch-Chic Tacos or something. Union was down from Pinch-Chic Tacos.

Not the one that's the den. No, no, no, no, it's Upmore Where they sell those little fucking hats Over by a pink taco Across the street, Upmore from the Because the Union ended up becoming Where Dane Cook became a start That's that spot

On the corner there What's the fucking... Oh, the factory? No, no, no, before... Hell of Irish name, right? Yeah. Oh, Dublin's. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the Union, the comedy from the Union, it was Ahmed Ahmed. And Jay Davis... Oh, this is before... Yeah, I know. It's Ahmed Amet Amet. And the girl that your buddy used to date, the half black girl that was hot,

that's how she got started in comedy when I met Ahmed. Yeah. Who told you to write the script? Vince Vaughn. Yeah. It was Vince Vaughn's exes from when he was starving. I think she's still around. I don't know.

Black girl went to work for an agent. But she got the idea because I remember that's when the movie came out. Swingers. Swingers. Yeah. And the lure was that they were going to be down there one night. Oh, yeah. You follow me?

So every girl in town showed up. Vince Vaughn was there. He left out the back door. Yeah. But the lure still became. I remember sitting with Ahmed Ahmed and having Nick DePaolo and fucking, at the time, you know, this is 97. Yeah. Having Nick DePaul and Paulie showed going, hey, we want to come into your club.

We hear there's a ton of bitches there. Yeah, because they were all waiting for Vince Vaughn to come back. So the plays became this hot Tuesday night. spot. Yeah. And thank God of the goodness of my heart, it used to be the first three comics every week was me, Mike Young, and Josh Wolf. I met, Ahmed, took care of us in three weeks. He'd say, listen,

I got an agent in here now. I got fucking, you know, every hitter was in there at the time. I forget who they were. Yeah. But I'll always give you guys a spot. But that's Ahmed. Ahmed. That's not, I met. That's why I read him in the show. I wrote him in the show because I was like, I would never even be writing a show if it wasn't for Ahmed. I wouldn't be on Warner Brothers if it wasn't for Ahmed because Ahmed introduced, Amet got me kind of in the comedy store. He's, he's the one that brought me in there

and kept talking to Tommy. And he's also the one that introduced me to Vince and brought me around. And we all started hanging out. So, you know, Ahmed's one of those guys. It's like, you know, you're my guy. If I do anything, I got to have you a part of it. I met Ahmed. It's a weird story. Me and I met were tight. At the union, those years where you're struggling and he would always call me and say, We get you 20 bucks. On top of the Pink Taco, they used to do comedy there, too. Yeah, I remember that.

That way before the karaoke. Yeah. No, this is when it was like a black club up there. They did comedy up then. I met I also booked that for like $15, Tuesday at midnight. And then something happened. Yeah. You know in those beginning stages of comedy,

Ahmed took it somewhere else. Something happened between him and I, like, it wasn't like an argument or nothing. I had heard he wouldn't book me in something, and I got my feelings hurt. Yeah. So I started breaking his balls on stage at the store. Yeah.

I would go up and go, holy fuck you think you're dealing with. I met, I met. And one Sunday that I was walking out, I met came up to me like a man, unlike everybody else who walks around in Hollywood. Yeah. Do you have a problem with me? I heard you goof him about me on stage. And I go, it's a funny joke, though.

Yeah. And we both started laughing. And I go, I meant, I thought you brush me home. How can you do that to me? I'm your friend. He goes, it wasn't me. It was a guy that didn't want a bunch of dirty comics in there. Yeah.

He goes, I never called this guy. I didn't call this guy either or this guy. It wasn't personal. Yeah. And ever since then, I'll give blood for him and I'm at, I don't want needles because everybody else, you know, in this town, it goes around things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He came up to me as coked up and crazy as I was, and he called my shit. Yeah.

So they were brothers. I see our men and I want to kiss him because, you know, you're going to find eight people in L.A. That have that type of... He's got a great heart. And they have a heart that they what they tell you when they put their hand out. So when I did Marron with him, Like I said, we were at the crap service. One minute I looked at him and I go,

did you ever think that we'd still be here? Yeah. It was 13 fucking years later. At the comedy store, doing a TV show, you know? So it's just, it's great to see you guys doing your thing. Like I said, I was a lot older than you. I was with Lee the day I got the call to come into your show. And I never cared about booking anything.

Right. I always like when people call. When people think of you, that means the world to me. Steve Byrne, that meant the world to me that day. I always thought you were mad at me from that night when I attacked the old manager at the store. I got mad at them because I didn't like how they treated Joe. I could care less about that. Yeah, who gives a fuck?

So when they call them, they said, you have an audition, you have no idea. My heart almost blew up because for people to think of you. And I made them note. I remember telling them that the father from the show various times. I'm like, he's doing a great thing by fucking bringing everybody in, you know. Oh, and Benjamin, another sweetheart. Yeah. The black dude kills me.

Roy Williams fucking kills me. So it's just a lot of guys like you don't come along, man, that take care of their own. Well, I hope to get another one on and I'll try to get everybody on again. I'll do my best because it's, you know. After the lesson you learn with this one, you want to do it again? Yeah. Yeah. You have, I mean, you have been phenomenal.

I mean, 90% of people that a show got canceled would have a story, would have, I remember being hit 12 years ago, and I don't even know who this person was. Didn't even know who this person was. I mean, I was the damn problem. They came up to me like, hey, man, somebody's here from some big-time show on ABC. Again, I'm a comic. I don't know about fucking TV. Yeah. And I didn't know who it was, and I guess they canceled his show.

It was a comic at the time. I don't know. I don't remember. They canceled the show. And for his spot, he went up on stage. And he goes, you know what, fuck NBC. Fuck them. And he was black.

They punk-ass white bitches. They can't give me an answer. They won't re-pick up my shirt. You know what the fuck it was? I saw you that night. I did not know. I saw you excited for you to be shooting your fourth season. Yeah.

And you know, like, it got canceled. And when I got in the car, I felt like that guy that asked a chubby chick if she's pregnant, but she's really not. It was like a chubby chick. And you're like, how many months are long of you? And she's like, I'm not pregnant. Oh, must be the son. It got in my eyes.

your attitude is great yeah because one show is not going to define me you know my body work like I said that's what that's what's going to define me all of it not just one thing so I thought Sullivan and Son was great I had a blast doing it but to me it's like that's my college education in television

now I'm going to go off and do something else so and you really want to come back and pitch and do the hours and start all of it yeah what were you guys shooting six episodes of the season of Solomon's son I was 10 10 then 13 and we were their highest rated TV show on the network. But, but they're moving in a different direction is what I heard. So, you know, I think what they're trying to do is more single cam. We were multi-cam. We were more traditional. And that was always the goal to pay homage to those multi-cams that I grew up. I love

married with children. I love cheers. I love all in the family. I love the Jeffersons. I love family ties. I love all those shows. Those are the shows I grew up watching. So I wanted to do something like that, but a little more risque and with a lot more edgy comedy, which is what we got away with with Brian Doyle-Murray and all the racial stuff. So it was fun. It was damn fun. Is part of what you're considering is maybe

doing a show online? I mean, now that with all the shows, the community just went online and I don't know there must be more opportunities than when the show started. Yeah, I think, you know, you know, absolutely. Entertainment's so fractured nowadays that you've got to find whatever vehicle you can

to give you the best opportunity to your story out. So absolutely anybody that's willing to give us a shop. But I'll start shopping this stuff around. We'll see what happens. Well, there's so many... We'll get some else on. There's so many different platforms now. Yeah. If ABC don't want it, now you can put a couple curse words and put it on Amazon.

Or you go to Netflix or Hulu. Everybody's doing so much original program. Everybody, yeah. That, uh, and if not, fuck it, we'll do a web series out like Casa. Yeah. Like Casa Burn. You know, that's the beauty about today that nobody, uh, everybody everybody could do, you could take this matter into your own

Do it on your own. 15 years ago. You went to ABC, CBS, NBC. They said no. You brought it to Fox. Fox 22. Yeah. They told you to go, fuck yourself.

That's it. You went home and cried. Yeah. Who are you going to sell it? The CMT? Yeah, I want my pilot on CMT following fucking line dance class. Yeah. That's what I want to fucking do.

What's up about? Look at the shape of you. That's it. No more fucking gorilla biscuits for you. I don't believe you. Steve Byrne. Hey. I love you to death.

I'm happy you came on. It was an education. I love you. Dude, this is fucking awesome. get to hang out more than anything. Thank you so much for thinking of me. I'm just proud of you, man, that you didn't go fucking, you know,

fuck TNT. If it wasn't for TBS, I wouldn't have three of the best years. Absolutely by far. They're the best. They were great to me. I had a great time. Business is business. I don't take it personally. And, you know, when you've done this long enough, it's like, all right, I've got to get back in the biz. I got to open up another shop. And you know what, man, karma's going to take care of you

because you could take care of a lot of people. Thank you, but that means a lot. Absolutely. This is a blast. Thank you. You see these comics get shows and they don't hire comics. And you're like, really? Well, I don't want to hire them.

Well, okay, good. When your show gets canceled for having bad fucking karma, go hang out with fucking your boy in L.A. County Jail. He closed this motherfucker up with the sponsors and we'll get out of here. Are you in the rush, Steve Byrne? You got five more minutes? If you got a boogey with Nuggy, I understand. First off,

you take supplements, Steve Byrne, on it. Ain't fucking around. You understand me? Yesterday I was feeling lonely and depressed. It was about three in the afternoon. I was a little stoned. The baby was sleeping. I had nothing to do. I took two shroom techs.

I went in front of the house with 2.35 pound cattle bells, and I went to work. I understand me. I breathed a little heavy. I was a little huffing and puffing and puffing, but I made it. And it was fucking all because of shroom tech. Sport, right? Not immune. Immune is when you fly out.

Amune is when you don't want to get sick. When you don't want to get Ebola, you take your immune. When you fucking want more energy, let's say you want to give mom a stab him. Let's say you want to walk up running. Two fucking, what are they? Sports. Sports. Shroom techs will put you on point. Again, you're like, Jerry, what about Alpha Brain? Fuck, we'll talk about Shroom Tech today.

Also, that tea oil is tremendous for smoothies, the coconut oil. Also, the T-plus to get your strength up and your reps and get more hair on your chest. You don't want to go to a beach with fucking patches missing from your chest. Like some transvestite went for the wing. Anyway, go to honor right now and press in. Church. Boom. Get 10% off your next order.

honor.com. They're tremendous, whether it's the shroom tech. And if you want weights and kettlebells, I can't get you 10% on that. You're fucked. You're on your own. As far as minerals and supplements are concerned. You're with Uncle Joey,

so you're taking care of you get 10% off. Go to Onet one more time and press in. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H for you fucking people. That can't spell and you're a little mo-moed up. There you go. All right. Again, you're going, Joey.

What am I going to do on Good Friday? I'm going to sit there. I can't listen to music. Jesus got tortured. No. I got the answer to your questions. Iron Dragon TV.com. They're not fucking around.

You like Kung Fu movies, Steve Graham? This is what I'm talking about. A Korean loves Kung Fu. Everybody fucking loves Kung Fu movies. You understand me? Go to Iron Dragon TV right now. They got tremendous movies. They get the Blazing Temple.

It's on fucking fire. You understand me? They got a bunch of shit. They got... What's the other movie? It Man, All the Jackie Chan. All the Jackie Sham. Back before he was a stuntman.

This is some deep shit right there. They got New Chuck fucking displays. They got everything. Dave Foley don't fuck around. Do you want to talk about my... Not yet. No, okay. Iron Dragon, T.

Look at the shape of you. What do you want to talk about? You haven't said three words. You've been sitting there like a monk with no fucking tongue. Relax. Now you want to be Charlie Chan and talk and fucking tell me stories all of a sudden. Look at the shape of you. What are you going to tell?

You're going to fuck up the whole thing. You put moose in your head today? I don't have hair to put him. You better put fucking famus in your head. Anyway, go to Iron Dragon TV right now and get two free fucking movies. Right now, today, Kung Fu Movies. What's the code? Joey.

Joey, J-O-E-Y. I'm telling you right now, if you want to get started in Kung Fu movies, you want to go to party, you want to be interesting. Anybody can talk about fucking Birdman. Drop the blazing, drop blazing fucking temple on them.

Watch all those Gentiles. Look at you like, what the fuck is he talking about? All right. Why be like the rest of these fucking mutts? Be original cock-sucker. Talk about original Kung Fu movies, all right? Be special.

Not like the rest of these fucking idiots. Anybody can get a tattoo with a feather and a fucking hat and talk about fucking birdman, whatever the fuck it is. Be original, cuckers. It starts with Iron Dragon TV.com. Right now, pressing Joey. Two free movies.

You're sitting there going, Joey. I'm sitting here by myself. I got nothing going on. I want to smoke some fucking vapors. I want to see the devil. Nelditlif.com right now. The best vapor pen in the fucking market. You can put your own stuff in there.

You can grow it. I don't care what you put in there. Nailedit Life, don't fuck around. You understand me? And right now they're giving you 20% off. Go to Nelditlidlif. and press in. Joey Diaz.

Boom. You get 20% off. If it's 50, that means you get it for 40. You dummies out there. Go to NelditLife.com. They got other accessories. They got the stick to put the wax in.

They'll teach you how to make meth. They don't fuck around. Go to NailedatLife.com. They'll help you out with your problems. You're sitting there like a month. Joey Diaz. Yeah, Joey. What is it?

The covert's Joey Diaz. Joey Diaz got 20% off, right? You're sitting there. You're sitting there. You're thinking for this. I love that. You're sitting there. They're saying, hey, Joey, I'm sitting here.

You're sitting there watching a kung fu-movie. You just took two shroom tech sports, and you're smoking vapor. You want the full fucking spectrum of debt. You understand me? That's where I come in. Hitty-sig's-dot-com. 1,200 guaranteed electronic pups. They go right to your fucking brain.

They calm you down. You need to smoke the gards or cigarettes. Oh, Joey, but I smoke cigarettes. Boo! I got the answer for you, cuck, suckers. 24-16, 8-0 nicotine. Fucking E-Pens. They too, again. Guaranteed 1200 fucking hits

But you know what? Take it from them. Don't believe me. Go to the page. Money talks and bullshit walks. Look at the Jews. Go to Hitties6.com right now, pressing what in the box? Joey's church.

Joey's church and get 20% off. So if it's 20, you get it for fucking 16. I don't come here putting taxes in you. I ain't here to break your balls. I'm here bringing your gifts. You got 100, 10% off. You got Iron Dragon TV. You get two free movies.

You got nailed their life. I'm giving you a 20% off. And you got Hittiesig's I'm giving you 20%. I can be a doucheback and just give you a tent But I go the extra mile for you, motherfuckers You understand me? Thank you for watching the show. Steve Byrne, who loves you more than me? Love you, pal.

Thank you. Nobody, Steve Byrne loves you like me, talk, sucker. What are you going to do now? You're going to sit there like patience on a monument? Let's go. We got more edible, Steve. Okay. That's it.

You're not going to close it up? What? You're not going to close it up? I am. I am. I'm meeting you guys so you guys can talk. Oh. No, close it up. I am. All right, then close up the show.

Okay. Go to Annet. Brought to you by Onet? Yeah, I was. I was going to do that. This show is brought to you by Onet.com. Go to Anit.com and use Coburritch church to get that percent off. I was meeting you guys to go to those talk.

I'm Dragon TV. Use Coburn Joey to get two free movies. Go to hit E6.com and get 20% off. And use Coburned Joey's church. And go to Nail That Live.com. Use Kobe Diaz to get 20% off. That's it. Have a good day.

See you Wednesday night. 8 o'clock. Clickers. Oh shit. Oh shit. Just when you thought of a safe, cock suckers.