The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #273 - Brian Redban, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 13, 2015

Brian Redban, Comedian and Founder of Deathsquad, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Tom's Diner - Susanne Vega I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Uncle Tom's Cabin - Warrant Recorded on 04/12/2015

This show is brought to you by Onit.com. Go to Onit.com and use Code Word Church to get 10% off of all their optimization products, like Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shum Tech Immune, Shumtech Sport. It's code word church to get 10% off. Go to iron dragontiv.com. Iron Dragon TV is a Roku channel that has all your favorite martial arts movies. It has Onit Lab videos and Joey trying to make me laugh. They have the most 4K technology, more than Netflix,

and they're adding new titles every day. go to iron dragon tv.com and use code where joey to get two free rentals also go to hit e-sigs.com that's hit letter e-sigs.com better tasting longer lasting the proof is in the vape they have e-cigarettes and e-cigars for you in differing levels of nicotine if you're looking to quit smoking if you're not they also have different flavors of the e-cigarettes and go to what's all go to nail that life.com

and use code word joey djee to get 20% off of the premier vapor pen on the market. And, oh, you go over Joey's church to get 20% off of the Hades. Oh, you dab and fucking bazooka smokers out there, you know what I'm saying? Sunday night, special edition. Coming at you, motherfuckers. The church of what's happening now. April 12th.

You're going to get on the 13th. The devil. He got fucked and buried the seat today. Oh, shit. Here you go, motherfucker. is what? What? Oh, Lee Syatt.

Red band. I'm seeing Red Band's old flame this week and I think he's an improv. Oh, shit. Oh, really? She's showing up with the baby and shit. Go, Red Man. Go, go Lee.

I am waiting at the counter for the man to pour the coffee. And he feels it only halfway. And before I even argue he is looking at the window. Uh-huh. Headily. Kick it. It's always nice to see you, welcome to the church and shit. You're going to get this on Monday.

It's a beautiful day to be alive. Get out there, cock suckers. Scrub your little mufflers. It's going to be a good fucking week. What's happening with you, Tarzan? Nothing. I got a great weekend with you in San Diego. Thank God.

And 26 with a fucking Ninja Turtle. straight out. Hey, everyone loves Tina, oh my God. You're 20 fucking six years old with a green shirt. I don't care what you say.

Tremendous, unbelievable. I get compliments on this shirt. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you're doing. What's up, man, LaRue. Good, how are you? So you're going to Houston this weekend? Smooth. Old school.

Improv? Yep. If my ex does come, I have something to give. Your boy, is there? Doug Benson on Thursday. Oh, yeah. That's fun.

Yeah, yeah, I had to take it. What the fuck. Go back to East Town. I miss it. I miss it. I miss Texas in general. It's been a while, but definitely Houston. I miss Houston. You're not going to Austin? They don't book you in Austin? You know, I have to do all those bookings. And so it's just like, I have to go reach out to everybody and do all that. And it's just, it's so much work, Joey. You know how it is. It's fucking enough on that. It's so much. Yeah.

You've really been working the stay in the bank. I'm really proud of you. I see you out there every night. You're swinging. And that's all it is. The swing is paradise, dog. Yeah. I'm kind of over. over the LA, LA doing so much here though. Does that ever get better? Because like the LA, doing LA audiences just kind of, I don't know, just sad. It's very sad life. Well, that's why you go on the road, because then you break it up and you have to, you learn how to work the LA audiences and you learn how to work the different roadrooms that you work, you know? Yeah. LA burns me out. LA, I burnt out in LA, maybe eight to nine years ago. For two years, I did it against my fucking will until I said that's it.

You know, and I would go to the improv periodically. The Laugh Factory wouldn't have me, and I stopped going to the store. So it was like very, you know, I don't mind it now. I don't mind it because I go down on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. I do a spot. I get in the car and get the fuck out of that. You know, I walk around the store looking like a rapist. I'm too old to be over there at the store.

to a bunch of young girls and young kids, you know. You're standing there with fucking gray hair looking like a dope. I know when I first got to the story that Bidoo's in gray hair, I get pissed off. They go to the fuck home. Right. That ain't going to happen. You know what I'm saying?

You're not doing a spot. Go home. That's not the same, is it? It's not really anymore because I do remember where that was the whole thing. Like, no, you're trying to get into TV. You're trying to get on Carson. And it was all about the young kids. And then nowadays it seems like, I mean, there's a lot of comics that are start.

Starting at 35, they're becoming a comic for the first time. 30, you know. It seems like it's a little different with that nowadays because TV doesn't seem as important or is it? I don't know. Well, it's a young man's game. I mean, everything is a young man's game. Baseball.

Football. I mean, you're not going to walk on the football field 44 and say, give me the fucking ball. They'll kill you. But that's the advantage you have as a comic that you could always work in that field. You could evolve to a writer, you could evolve to so many different things. As far as the comedy store, you want me to sit here and tell you that I thought I'd be slinging jokes on the road at 52?

I had different plans, but those weren't the plans that I would happen. But guess what? I'm still at the store. People still give their lives to be at the fucking store. To be at the store four nights a week is huge. Two nights a week. You're in the game. You're in the fucking game, okay?

If you're not at the store, you're not in the fucking game. If you're not at the improv, you're not really in the game. If you're not at the laugh factory, you're not really in the game. But when you're at the store, there's something about the store that you're in the fucking game, you know? Listen, man, the store, to me, is exactly the same. People go up, people bomb. Some people stay and let the miracle fucking happen. And some people tap out and go back to wherever the fuck they're from with an excuse on L.A.'s filled with fags and science.

Scientologist who want to suck your dick and take you in a cave and electrocute you. Whatever, you know, it's always great. The rooms I'm working now, I don't run into the bitter comics that left L.A. But you go on the C circuit and the B circuit, oh boy, you're going to get them. You live in L.A. Fuck you, man. You know, a bunch of fucking losers out there. You got to know people to get on the state.

You don't have to know nobody. You got to be funny, bro. You got to be funny and maneuver yourself and go out at night and meet people. and by meeting those people that you're performing with, you'll elevate up. Right or wrong, Red Band. I agree. I mean, I'm so lucky to be able to do the Ice House every Friday, you know, did the Death Squad show there.

And one of my favorite things is mixing up new comics with old comics. You know, there's so many comics in this town that I don't know. You look at half these advertisements for like flappers or Ice House or, and you look at the lineup. I mean, I don't know any of these people. Sometimes. And that just shows you how many people are in this game that we play. And it's really weird when you hang out the comedy story. It seems like we have all the number one comics hanging out around us. But then you're, you wonder if that same kind of environment happens everywhere. And, you know, because there's thousands of comics, right? And we just happen to hang out with a good small group of 20 to 30 that we see on a regular basis. But what's what? What about those other thousand? You know, it's very interesting because I met somebody the other day,

and he's been doing comedy for 15 years, and he's been doing it in Illinois. And now he opens up for Doug Stanhope, Brett, Thompson. But, you know, he's one of the nicest guys. He's got a family. He's got a daughter in college and everything like that. And he just moved to Los Angeles at, I forget how old he's like a little older than me, I think. or, but he just moved out to Los Angeles to try it, to try to make it at 40. And I was just like, you know what?

That's fucking amazing. I want you on a Desquatchew. I want to mix you with this 22-year-old that's only been doing comedy for a week. And it's so fun to see and to help people as much as possible in Los Angeles and in comedy all the time. But it's amazing that people like last doing it. When you see somebody that's like, I've been doing it for 15 years. And you still see them doing spots, you know, five-minute spots, you know, here and there. And I'm like, how, what keeps you going at this, man?

Because this is a very sad life, you know. What's the success? What does success mean to you as a comic, as a fucking electrician? All right. So you're an electrician in a fucking Columbus, Ohio. After four years, six years, you become a journeyman. So I put you at, let's say you're a fuck up, you miss work. You got five for six months.

at 30, at 28, you're a journey minute if you got out of fucking high school and go to your classes at night. Then, when you're like 32, you get a little serious, you meet this girl. She likes to fucking suck, but she also likes to go away on the weekends. That costs money.

That 1650 you're making isn't going to work. So now you have options. You either go work for a different company or you could start your own fucking company. You know, you have all these options. And wherever that option takes you, wherever you go with it, that's where your success is. Are you with me?

Like, that's what you pick. There's comedians that start in Colorado that have no intention in their mind ever doing a movie, a TV show, or being in fucking Los Angeles. They do stand-up to do stand-up. And they become feature acts, local feature acts, and they get involved with athletics, like they do all the, like, let's say you're clean, you get involved with them. fucking Lakers man if you like basketball you go down there do a couple free

fucking benefits let them check you out do a benefit they pay you 500 a thousand now you're doing all the Laker functions my friend Ron does that rot long does that in Seattle you know Rod Long would not move down here one of the funniest guys I ever worked with he had he was probably making a hundred and fifty grand as a comedian in Seattle had a house two kids a wife smoke dope all day And he added money to his income. When he went on the road, he took pictures. And he developed the pictures, and he'd paint them in.

And he put him on eBay and sell him. And some he made a profit and some he didn't. But that was his happiness. You know, we're talking about our friend, Jay. And how he was struggling here. What's he getting? One fucking spot a week. He's living on somebody's couch.

You know, he had a breakup with somebody who he loved, you know. He gets dick. He's a good-looking guy. I mean, you mean he pussy. Huh? He gets pussy. He gets pussy. So, yeah, he's a good-looking guy.

We're talking about a friend of ours, Jason. And he is a great guy. Funny as fuck when he's on. He has a weird, different look on things and a way of writing. But you could tell the personality change when he fucking drinks. You want to strangle him. But you love him so much in the daytime. It's like living with Dracula.

You love him so much in the daytime. You don't want to kill him at night when he's Dracula. But when he gets three drinks in you, He tries to call you out, and he tries to just be mean to you, and you're like, what the fuck is wrong with you, you know? But you know he's a great guy. But he's surrounded, his friend, he's seeing that his friends are moving forward, and he's moving backwards.

You know how bad I'm feeling that is? Fuck over there? You know how bad I'm feeling it is? You and three editors go to Emerson College. You all come out here. Two of you guys are working editors, and you're still in the assistant editor. How bad would you fucking feel? Yeah, it'd be terrible.

Same thing. You know, and it takes some guys six years. It takes some guys two years to become an editor. It's just the luck of the fucking cards. But somewhere along the line, he gets fucking hammered. He loses his compass, and he disappears for six months to get clean and sober. And he'll come back to best Jason. He's ever fucking better.

Yeah, it's going to be amazing to see that. This place is heavy on people. This place is fucking heavy. The people you see in L.A. now, you're going to see a third of them in five years. And then in seven years, it's going to be a complete new social media. And they're going to be on them. And they're going to want to request you to a friend.

You're going to go, what happened to that person? Because you see so many people come and go here. It's like a fucking carousel of people here that are going to come over and take over this fucking town. They got the idea for a movie. They got the idea for a reality show. They've been doing comedy for two years. I got this. You guys are suckers.

You've been working for 10 years. is we got the answers. They come. They last a year and they disappear. Then you bump into them and they'll tell you how their grandfather died and then they come back to take care of the family and the house. You fucking bury grandpa, you saw the couch, you fucking, you close the house up, you move some people in there, you come back to LA. That's what a comic does. Somebody who is not a comic just gives up and that's the excuse right there. It was a death in the family or that was this or something else happened. And they go back to where they fucking started from.

But comedy has no way. Listen, I came out here when I was 32, Red Man. Did I have a dream? I didn't have a fucking dream. The reason why I'm doing what I'm doing is because I lasted. That's it. I lasted. Again, back to Richard Guillen, office, the gentleman.

I had nowhere else to go. It seems like this place is a lot crazier in general, though. Like, I mean, I got roofied the other day. Where does that happen? Everywhere. To a guy? No, who roofies the guy. Everywhere.

How do you know you got Roofie? I was at the improv and it was dead. So I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to go home and didn't even have a drink at the improv. That was one of those nights. And I'm driving by Jumbo's Clown Room. And I was like, oh, my friend works there. I'll go and see if she's there.

And I had a drink. Saw David Arquette there. I was like, oh, David's fucked up. and then saw two other guys that I knew that was like a girl's ex-boyfriend and her friend. I was like, oh, those guys, whatever. Then I went to get my second drink, took like two sips, and then like everything just started like getting real closed up, you know, like in a tunnel. Like my vision got kind of weird.

I'm like, oh shit, something's not right. My car's parked right in front of jumbos. That happens to me twice a week. I know, but I mean, second drink, no weed or anything, no edibles. So I go out my car's right out front So I'm like you know I'm gonna go have a cigarette Go send my car for a bit something's not right I don't feel like so I put my drink down

Went out to my car Sat down in the passenger seat And it got so bad where I had to close my eyes Because everything was spinning so much And the next thing I know I woke up like an hour and a half Two hours later and I'm just in my car And I'm perfectly fine now But I feel really muscle relaxed

Like just muscle relaxers And I guess I drove home I don't remember But I remember feeling fine Next day the whole day I felt like I was on muscle relaxers. I felt really like, oh, what? Like, kind of like I had tripped on acid the night before or something, you know,

and I had that acid hangover or something. It was bad, dude. And the one thing that I didn't expect, though, was like it really fucks with you, though. Like, like, I didn't expect that part, like the part where I'm like, holy shit, dude, if I was not in the right place at the right, you know, where I could go to my car, what would have happened? You know, where would I end up? I pretty much got drugged, like in a movie where somebody drugs you with the, the tissue on your nose, you know, chloroform or whatever.

Like, that's pretty much the same thing that happened to me. But I was luckily in a public place where I could get to my car real quick. So then I started getting into like this post-traumatic like, what the fuck happened? Who did that? Why would they do that to me? You know, is that somebody I know? It's just like crazy fan. Is this a stalker of a girl that I used to fuck?

I mean, half of my ex-girlfriends have boyfriends that want to kill me, you know? And, I mean, I have one girl. right now, ex-girlfriend, that her current boyfriend is dating, sent out letters to Joe Rogan, acting like a fan of the show trying to get me fired. Like, you should really fire him, and he's a horrible person, and blah. And it's like seven emails that he just, he's spending long days, like, just trying to get me fired. You know, so it, it fucked with me, though. Like, that...

You fucking torment these girls. You put them through hell. You make them clean your apartment. Suck your dick. Eat your asshole. They end up fucking doing porn or fucking moving to Memphis and having a kid. They're going to hate you. You know, you put them through fucking torture.

Then you get rid of them. Like, you know, how many chick you fucking torment since I've known you? Ten of them. Do you want to know the worst thing that just happened recently? Oh, no. I know there's always something. Let me ask you this before. I won the roofies.

Okay. Since I know you, how many times you've been roofied? Once. No, you've been roofied a couple times. What? Well, you roofied me. by doing what you do to poor flying jewelry. How's that no roofie?

That's not a roofie. A roofies when I wake up next to you with a robot fucking... He just doesn't remember that. No, I would never fucking know. You have a closet in there that he doesn't... He's not allowed to go into. And then he went into it the other day and he had flashbacks and had to sit down on this couch.

He's going to follow by that fucking fly. He's got a fly. I killed the fly. I was really excited. I didn't, yeah. His cousin's in the room watching you right now, getting ready to fucking go in. that.

Since I've known you, you've been roofied, what, like eight times? No, I haven't. You got bad coke. You got a bad fucking bunch of mushrooms. I've never been roofied in my life. You had a fucking bad bites of mushrooms. They made you see.

Oh, no, I overdosed some mushrooms, but that was a new thing. You went to the ambulance showed up on the 101. That's because I had hurt. Like, a panic attack from smoking weed. You call the ambulance on the 101? I've called, not on the 101.

I was on sunset, but I've called the ambulance on myself like two or three times. But there's a reason. the reasons. Some people don't think. When I was younger, I used to heart problems. Oh, okay. I thought it was constantly having a heart attack. Oh, I thought it was from the, like, drugs are getting too high or something. Well, no, I mean, when I get high, I start thinking about my heart.

Like, oh, my heart's not pounding right and stop. Then I start just freaking myself out. But three times since I was 15, someone, that's not bad. I got to tell you this crazy fucked up story. This is almost, is really... This is what happened this week. This happened a couple of a week. This happened a while ago, just saying.

I don't want to put the times right. So I've talked to you about rub maps before, which is this massage parlor search thing where you can search for... Paul and I went and looked at it. Oh, you did? Oh, my God, it's fucking, it's crazy. The people who write comments on there... It's great.

I read it like it's a book. I look forward to new reviews. Rub what? It's Yelp for a hand job. Yeah, it's rub maps. Like rub... What is it saying? That tells you where they go. Yeah, you pretty much go in there and go where you live and it shows you all the places

around you. you can read reviews and like some places give hand jobs some places are at full sex some places is just if you want anal sex some places is if you want a guy dressed up as a girl you know it's and it's just all around us like every if you if you start looking at massage parlors there's massage parlors there's massage partners everywhere you go there's like one every block it's almost like three times the amount of Starbucks so I talk about this on the joe rogan podcast and uh and uh this guy heard it and he on a business trip went uh out and withdrew some money and got it,

got sex, I guess. And then when he came back home, his fiance, I mean, they've been dating for seven years. They're about to get married. Saw it. What he did on the bank account, statement, or whatever, like that confronted him about it. And they got divorced

because of him hearing about road maps for me. Now, all the women came looking for you at the comments. So out of nowhere, this is, out of nowhere, girl contacted me and she was like uh i really you know i really think you're great let's go out for a drink and have some food and i'm like oh she's just a fan but she's very hot and so i went out to dinner with her and the whole time she's taking she's like i'm snapchat and taking photos

and then later we get drunk at the comedy store and she's snapchat and then later we're you know in the hotel room we're snapchat and the fucking she's doing i thought she was just sitting funny photos to snapchat no she's selling to her fucking ex-husband yeah that's That's right. So then when I dropped her off at the hotel room, she's like, oh, by the way, this is, you know, we're about to get married. You ruined my life. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Our marriage is now over or whatever. And she's just showing me, guess who I'm hanging out with? And it's me like doing the peace sign with a margarita. And then he's like, wait, where are you? Is that fucking red band? Is red band in town? And then it's like the next one's at the comedy story. He goes, wait, you're in Los Angeles? What the fuck are you doing? So then it ends with me. Like, she's just like, throw your come at me because it's another thing I talk about. Like she had to listen to the Joe Rogan experience in the morning, in the car, at night. Every single second he made her listen to it. So he ended up hating Joe or she ended up just like, I hate Joe.

I don't want to hear about Joe anymore. But like she thought the funniest revenge would be to fuck me. And it's at the end I'm like Spider-Manning her tits because she's heard me talk about Spider-Man before. Did she do a picture of this and sent us to this? She goes, hey, I don't take video of you, Spider-Manning my tits. I think that would be hilarious. I was so wasted. I was like, fuck yeah, let's do that.

No wonder he wants to kill you. That's what, that's what. He's going to fucking shoot you. He might have been the one that riffing me. Why would they fucking root for you? I don't know. But it's crazy what you were talking about earlier how. If they roofier, they follow you to the fucking cop.

What? Oh, about how like, like you asked if you need TV and like you kind of forget what like things get normal I guess and like I was on Facebook today you know we put out

it's either you were the priest three years ago today like three years ago like this week it's either you were the priest I remember because I posted a picture it went like number one on iTunes that day and I posted a picture I was I remember I was at that stupid editing job

hating my life and like that CD went number one I was like that's so awesome and it's been three years. It's just fucking crazy. How long it's been? I don't know. I got high and I thought about it.

That's great. You got a torment me for. That shit kicked in, man. I'm pretty fucked. No, it's supposed to fucking kick in. That's what it's supposed to do. After we do that story, I started feeling a sweat drop,

go down with back. Because we don't want to be high. You eat edible? No, that wasn't, that was Snoop Dogg, O.D., or whatever you gave me yesterday. That fucking killed you? Yeah. Oh my God, that came on strong yesterday

That that joint didn't come on strong yesterday for you It always comes on strong That's why I keep smoking I think you smoke like because it comes on weak I fucking get it because it knocks me to my fucking death When I go into that place They got some nice looking girls in that place That Sun Tetherabo got some great looking women

Great girls too I love all the girls in there But the guy usually comes out to Mexican I ask him what he's got in the back And he usually comes out with a chunk of something good And he had that snoop, oh gee Oh my God. Me and Lee and Lee got fucked up the other day in San Diego. Lee wanted to eat everything.

Lee loves bad restaurants too. You and him should hang out a lot. I don't like bad restaurants. I like going to Yelp, and he gets me super stoned. Yelp. So I want to eat. And he just, I understand why you do it. But you didn't want to go anywhere but a block from the restaurant.

I ended up gone last night to go get those tacos I wanted like eight minutes away. And you're just like, if I can't see it from the hotel, then it's not going to I'm going to Brian's 24, that restaurant that's right. Well, you guys were at the American Comedy Club. Yeah. Right next door, Brian's 24. It's open 24 hours a day. They have everything, like waffles, fried chicken, hamburgers, tacos.

That scares me. It's a great place. You never go there? They got everything. That scares me. Yeah, but then we ended up going somewhere and you hated it. It was fucking horrific. It was fucking horrific.

It's like one of those places where they blast the music and they have coffee. and they have fucking dessert and all these Gentiles have slippers and sun hats. And the fucking tuna was horrific. It was drier than fuck. And that multi-grained bread was even fucking drier. They didn't toast it. They didn't put a tomato on it.

Not a lick of mayonnaise, nothing. Just gave it to me like a fucking, like a prisoner in fucking Cuba. What's that place? Guantanamo Bay. It was just dry fucking tuna. It was horrible, horrible. went to the Mexican place The one day

We had the Saviche Not bad You like Saviche? Yeah, I just got I just figured out What it was recently It's all right It's just raw fish

We're fucking whatever On it Gasoline And Mexican tequila That's why I can't get used to Her mom makes it But it just What do they put on it?

They should just shrimp And it's still pretty good But it's like They put it in raw And they let it marinate For a couple days So the texture's a little bit off From what I'm used to

So that's like the one thing That I'm not used to yet with her She made shrimp today Oh my god, it was so good Just garlic sauteed shrimp A little bit of rice You're just gonna eat Mexican food To your fucking head blows off

Why not? Why not? He eats Mexican Oh my God, no No, no That's all he wanted to eat He couldn't fucking He wouldn't shut the fuck up But Christina

It's only a 10 minute walk Get the phone Then you got to walk Fucking back With those tacos in your stomach full Fuck you How long? It's a 10 minute walk

Fuck you There's something right around the fucking corner Yeah, that tuna was right on the corner. Medioka fucking tacos and shit. Oh, no, there weren't more. Oh, they're going to. Stop, stop. And it's like a Mexican hooters.

They're in the fucking area there. Everything's fucking got. They give you those small shrimp from a can. Who do you think you're dealing with, dog? Leave me alone. Leave me alone. I don't even need to go there. I know what they give you in that area.

You did have a good thought, though. We were going to get barbecue, and we didn't go on because I couldn't smell it. Oh, Jesus Christ. Why would barbecue with three people in San Diego? Who would fucking even think? about going to barbecue and saying yeah you go in there just to get sick the brisket's a week and a half old not to mention i'm going to eight town on fucking friday what the fuck are you kid yeah bam that's what they invented the fucking brisket i'm like with chewis and bebos bebos

what's that might go to bea yeah yeah that cheese plate that fried cheese no skillet you guys disgusting that's done it's a fried cheese plate yeah you got to go to this place bea what is it it's just big it's this big greek thing that's cheese Oh, I think I've seen that. They, like, let it on fire? Yes. Oh, shit, I saw that on, like, the Food Network or something. Just sit there and fucking come all over yourself and it was on fire.

People hate on Diners Driving and Dives. They hit on the host for that show. I love that show, especially when I'm high. Oh, my God. Do you have a deep belly button, Lee? I do. Have you ever come in it and then, like, taken the come out of it and found it, like, weeks later? Not weeks.

I take a shower every day. But, yeah, probably. No, no, you can still come in your belly button and just seal it off. Like, they seal Jesus in that. cave and then go back in there like two weeks and find the fucking you come in your belly button a lot no I haven't done it since I was like fucking 18 but when I was 18 I come in my belly bun and just lock it down like melt like my belly milk like like wax over it to seal it in there disgusting did you just sniff your yeah I mean because that's something like I

literally never really dig in there but once I pulled out a like it it I guess was dried combing it smelled like eggs it was fucking gross so I just wonder if you ever had that happened you no No, I haven't. That's fucked up. I do. A lot of people, like, I never came in a sock. I always just come and then it's just on the blanket.

I don't, I've never had, like, a tissue next to the bed or that's something I'm not. Just come on the blanket laying in a finagle in it for two. I go to the next side. Yeah. What happens when you roll on that one? When you roll a knocker on that one, what do you do? That's the disgusting. I don't do multiple times before I go to bed, do you?

Now you're stuck in the middle? No, I do on one side. And you go to the other side and go to sleep. What are you doing the next night? And then it's dry. And you lay on top, because you don't do your sheets for like two weeks. I do it every week because Paula comes over. But if Paula don't come over, those sheets sit there until they turn fucking gray and yellow.

No, like once a week. I bet he has one of those apartments where you walk and he just smell the come, the dry come. Just from his cum bed. It's disgusting. When I was single, probably. When he was single, yeah, yeah. When he was single, I had that chick on the couch. He would go in that room and bang himself up.

I would see him in the morning. His eyes would be fucking. She'd be sleeping on the couch, a little undies on. little pubic heads popping out of her ass all and he's sitting there I gotta bed fucking fucking do something fucking Cosby the girl on the couch And then he found nothing she moved down she fucked eight guys And she went back to the boy

How many she fucked three? I don't know Four at that job Don't tell me you told me yourself now you don't fucking know Why are you lying? Well yeah not eight like two or three Four okay the dude the other dude Then she left him for the dude with the yacht Then she cheated on him Remember the fuck is wrong

You can't say nothing in front of me. It goes right into the mental fucking block, and I save it for later. I am so fucked up right now. Those were... That was a triple-dust-wise. It's a special edition Sunday night. No, you had a green horn. You had a green hornet.

That's what got me on shop. Because we had the green hornet, then we had a piece of the star. It's hard to focus. It's like 80 milligrams. We should eat a piece of the star. Fuck it, man. I'm going to be fucked up anyways. Ceremony.

Where's the knife of death? I don't know. It looks like a big thing of sushi Like tuna Oh, but the cool thing we got So, well first I want to thank you Because you didn't let me get carnace out of fries Because I was just fucked up

And I wanted to get them But what you did get me Like you were usually like we'd have We'd stop somewhere in the middle On the way to San Diego for food But you're like, I'm gonna take care of you And we went to Dairy Queen And I got the best shake

Because I had a full Well not a full but like three quarters Of a deck of dose Why are you lying to these fucking people for you? You gave me at least three quarters Do you ever stop over at the burrito place by the La Jolla comedy store still once in a while, don't you? He sent over burritos last night. He sent over burritos. He sent over burritos. He's the best guy.

Oh, my God. It's the greatest. I love the carnage ofada ones. Oh, wait, let me show you. I like the other one I had. Not the Carniazzan. The Chili Rayneal. That's probably too.

That's insane. I'm still, I'm still Gardnett Boulevard. I'm still the bottom of garnet Boulevard. They have the taco place next to Denny's. That's still one of my all-time fucking favorite place. This is of all Mexican food. It's cheap. You got on the lines.

I used to get the carnitas with two or three tortillas with rice and beans. Oh, my fucking God. What kind of beans do you like? Refri. Yeah, a little bit of cheese on top. A little cheese, a little couple green onions with everything put on there. What's your favorite L.A. local place? Mexican.

I'm a big fan of El Coyote. What's El Coyote? On Beverly. No, it's too far. Is it like a fancy place? Like there's like Casavega and Sherman Oaks. I don't get it. I like the little shit taco shacks.

That's all I want. Taco shacks. Tocas. I like bumping into weird taco shacks. I've given up a lot of shit, man. I really have. I just stopped. You got food poisoning from that one in North Hollywood.

Who did? You did. For the one taco stand, I got food poisoning. Really? Yeah, I shit blood. Oh, shit. The hip-up. No.

It was like a 24-hour bug I got from. Maybe it was like a bad piece. meat had eaten there 30 times and nice people I watched the operation sometimes it could just be a little peak you know years ago I remember going somewhere you know who's notorious for giving you fucked up tuna subway

yeah subway you be careful with that fucking tuna it's the worst thing calorie wise there I would never get really because they put eight pounds of mayo on it that's why I make tuna at home you can't get it out I like doing it at the house with some onions and shit some mails some pickle relish Nice. I put crushed red pepper.

That's what I do. Crush red pepper. Look at Lee. He's a fucking regular. Then he puts beans on it and wraps it up in a tortilla. He wraps everything in the fucking tortilla. He can't live with that. Oh, my God.

Those Caesar salad wraps. Oh, Jesus. What was wrong with that? Oh, Jesus. It's fucking delicious. Then he eats a bag of french fries that comes with it. Why eat the fucking wrap? If you're going to eat the fries, they'll come with it.

I'm not eating. You don't eat Caesar salad to be healthy. It's just sounds like the worst salad you can get. It is. I just ate it because it was delicious. And then she said, did you want fries and I was high as fuck you like Caesar salad who doesn't Caesar salad it's the fucking delicious the hotel in Houston the old hotel the

lap stop would put you in they had a Caesar salad the best spicy and chobie spicy spicy yeah spicy that you set do you have full anchovies aren't they was oh yeah I've never done that oh yeah they slice them thin so you really don't taste them real thin and she would tremendous you know we don't fuck around me I wouldn't say it to a buy if you have the name of the fucking place I can go but it was cool because I really those carnage side fries and you like he just sat me down you like no don't get you don't eat those and that's what I need one of the fucking morning I get much he's dude my brain goes one of the morning you already had the fucking rap and you already had french fries the party's

over right you had the m&ms you had the fucking chips yeah you had the fucking dairy queen you had the the what else we the tacos you had the thing that's the fattest thing on the mexican menu all the flautas the flauters yeah you didn't want the savicha with the avocado you know you want the fucking plauters I don't know. You got Cevice at a place you've never been before. That's scary to me. Well, it's right there out in the open.

Everybody's got Cevice out there. Like, 10 of the fucking restaurants have Cervice out there. I bet it was competitive. I had nothing to lose. I don't want to fucking eat a full Mexican meal. I don't want no rice and beans. I'm trying to lose weight. So you go with the fucking Cevice.

It's tomatoes and jalapenos. You'll gain one ounce. You'll piss like eight fucking times. Cevcee's not bad for you. The chips are bad. The chips are bad. The chips are bad. The chips were 420 fucking calories.

Like fucking ten of them. Yeah, the chips are the worst. That was one thing shocking going to Weight Watchers was how bad the chips were. I never thought. How bad Mexican food? Mexican food in general. That's like that's the last category they have. They're like Caribbean.

They mix it and they have Mexican food. They're like a skull with fucking crossbones and the fat dude laying there with his heart blown up. Yeah, you should always consider eating Mexican as like pizza night in the same kind of category where it's actually, you know, pizza nights like a kind of like a dessert. Like, you know, we worked hard all week. Let's have, get a pizza Friday, you know, and, uh, you don't think of that as Mexican. You just think of it's like food, but that's like way worse than having a pizza. And you consider pizza like a special event.

When I go to Mexican restaurants, I lose my mind. I don't know about any of you guys. There's no control. There's no control. The only control I drink water. But I inhale the fucking salsa. I inhale the pick of the gallo. I inhale the fucking avocado.

I inhale the chips and salsa that first come with a table because you're stoned to the gills. then the dish comes and then you know sour cream well the fucked up part is the tortillas if you can cut out the tortillas and the tortillas bad for you they're like 180 each but if you have six tacos that's a fucking that's like six 700 extra calories like that's that's when I start putting on the weight before I started losing again when I started dating paula a couple years ago you need to break up with this girl man no no dating an Asian check yeah Mexico food fucking fucking just backs them on man. Her mom's been cool though. Her mom like now measures

the food and only gives a certain amounts. She's cool about it. One bucket. Oh, I know. Yeah, Mexico don't have no fucking serving. She hates it. She tells Paula to stop being mean to me and letting me eat because she doesn't think that I want to do all this

dieting thing. Every time she tries to give me extra food, she's funny. Sure. She looks at you. You got that little fucking face of those beady eyes. I don't normally have these beady eyes. believe you looked at me on there he's like all right man good night I'm going this way you're going because I'm going to get carneasada fried I go away he's just walking into the abyss it's downtown San Diego looking for carneer soda fries I'm more scared of bad

carneasada than when I am fucking shrimp you do you know what I'm saying to you I know that's that's one thing I really am scared of is pork I don't fuck no carne size beef the same fucking difference okay okay that thing that got me fucking sick was carne and sada oh okay that's what got me See, I would think shrimp would be worse than beef. I think... Well, you're in San Diego. It's not like you're in Tempe, Arizona, where the shrimp is wet. Right.

Where? They have to fly it in fucking nine hours. You know, that's what scares me. But, you know, to each his own. I just didn't want you to pack on... No, but I needed it. And, like, it's, like, that's what I've been trying to get better at. Like, I'll go home and I'll give myself one thing.

Usually, sometimes if I haven't had dinner yet. But I need that, like, I need that, like... I need it. And it's like, oh, I don't. No, no. You go back to... your room. Listen, man, every time I'm hungry, I go back to the room, I know I make coffee.

I make coffee and I smoke dope. Oh, my God. And you pass the fuck out. Old school, right, Red Band? Old school on the road. Eight of us in the hotel room that one in San Francisco, it looked like a ship. And we go downstairs and they had the Red Pepper. Oh, that's right. The clam chowder place. The red pepper clam chowder downstairs.

Who do you fucking think you're doing on? These novices don't know dick about dick. That, remember that one photo where we're both sitting in the windowsill together. And we're, there's a photo. It's me and you. We're both, like, crammed into this, like, windowsill. And I remember we were staring across the street.

There was all these police because they found a chopped up woman's body and a suitcase floating in the ocean across the street from the hotel. That's right. Yeah. And so there's this famous picture, or this old picture that I have, I'll send it to you that we were just both sitting there. It's pretty funny. That's a good hotel.

And I'm going to be in San Francisco next month. I'm going back to do the punchline and then Sacramento with Tony Ingeclay. That's a fun. fucking week there. Yeah. I like the sushi place in Sacramento. Right across from the club, it's open until midnight. Yeah. They got a nice little lunch

there. They don't fuck around over there. They'll give a nice salad. A little shiariaki's chicken. That doesn't kill you. You don't eat the rice. You get the brown rice. Not too fucking bad. What's up, dog? What are you looking at the... This just hit me. Like, literally, I just... Oh, my God. Because you're evil. You take the cheap cheese and you squeeze them to make it look

like they're smaller. No, I don't. This fucking... I'm fucked up. Yeah, but you... the other thing. I like that watch. That's a very nice watch. Thanks, man. G-shock. Are you going to get the Apple Watch? I don't even know what the fucking Apple Watches. My dad wants

it, but it's like $1,000 or $600. It starts off at like $300, but yeah, it goes up to actually $10,000. Oh, idiots. So we'll see all like the people trying to impress us with their $10,000 version of the watch. But I

missed the pre-order. I totally just wasn't thinking about it. And then, so now It's like doesn't ship until June or something. So I'm like, huh, I guess I'm not going to get it. Do you want it? I don't understand. You're going to make a call from your watch? No, no, no.

It's more, I think it's more like you can keep your phone in your pocket. Somebody texted you. You can just look at it and go, yes. Or, you know, like, or if you get an alert, like an email, you'd be like, okay, he said 15 minutes. You know, instead of having to take out my phone, unlock my phone, like, go in the, like, it's more, I think it's going to be just for quick things, you know, like, or like, if you're driving. if you're driving and like you have GPS and you're like I think I have to turn yep turn right here

and you know it might be good for little things I think oh I disagree because look phone's unlocked two seconds I just I and then I use this as my GPS I don't see any need so instead of just like unlocking your phone where you're driving and how about doing this but you don't even need to your phone's up here on the dashboard or at least for me it is I don't know. You know that's illegal? That's a lot of money. That's a lot of money for a watch. Oh, I agree. I agree. Everything Apple does.

There's a lot of fucking money. It's been a break in two years. That's the thing. You know, they don't make these iPhones the last 10 years, guys. No, they don't. They tell those little Chinese guys before they jump off the fucking building. Listen, make these things. They bring them back in 18 months. Then we'll give them a refurbished one until they buy the fucking six or the seven or the 8G or the 9 sport.

Apple don't fuck around. iTunes don't fuck around. iTunes don't play. At all. At all. There's no fucking nonsense with Apple. So people know when Apple shows up, you're going deep into the fucking pockets of debt.

And that's what they do. You know, why would you, let's be all be honest here. Everybody in this room, I'm a fucking computer moron. But you're a computer illiterate and you're whatever, illiterate, whatever the fucking both of you is. But let's just get back to basics here. would you buy the first model of something for $10,000? What if you bring it home and that watch goes fucking bananas?

So, sending you pictures of your wife naked and fucking beeping at you every 10 minutes. They don't know. Right, like Google Glass just failed. I don't even know why. Yeah, all this shit at the beginning. They don't have all these glitches, man. So you're paying $10,000 fucking dollars

for watches that are going to last fucking two years. And every two years, they're going to sap you every two years. They're not fucking billionaires because they're not making money. over there. They're making this shit in fucking Hong Kong. They're getting $3 a fucking hour. They're jumping off the fucking building like it's going on the style. And my line

they do the 60 minute fucking report. And they sell this shit, 10,000 a watch. Who needs a watch for 10,000 fucking a watch. What if I happen to just look it up at the fucking wall? What do you have to look it up at the war? I just saved fucking $2. I just saved $2.

I just saved $8,000. How's that? A $10,000 watch. What's it going to do? They're going to give you a compass. It's going to do the iPhone in the fucking in your watch. Right. That's it. But you're still got to have the iPhone.

They're going to get you with the watch. You have to charge it every morning. Listen, guys, you know what? I keep it fucking simple. I don't even have a watch. I got two watches at the house. One works and one doesn't. Ask me what brand they are, some French.

I have no fucking idea. Watch. Do I care? You know, you look up. Where isn't there? Clock today. And you have your phone thing? I get when you're driving that I guess it'd be cool

But I always people are always walking around You said the magic fucking word What cool This is all about cool guys That's true Starbucks is all about cool You know it used to be that When you walk in a bar

And you see somebody They come up to you like this Don't they with the bottle up here Nobody hasn't over here Nobody just leaves it at the fucking table Because they have my mind They get roofied At Captain Jack's fucking titty joint

What fuck were you doing in there anyway I love that place Why don't you like that place? It's not a real strip club. It's just a burlese bar. It's changed from the last 10 years. My point. My point.

I want to go see a chick with nipple rings. I'm a grown fucking man. Either show me that swamp or fucking put it away. You know what I'm saying? You're going to show up with a curtain in front of your pussy. That swamp. I don't want to see. I'm too old.

I don't want to see fucking art for you people who are saying, Joey Belette. Fuck you. I'm a grown fucking man. I don't want to see nipple rings. I want you to see nipple rings. I want you to see. to jump out here and show me those problems.

When we did the comedy show at the improv, it was a fucking burles show. Right. I had to sit there with a chick with, like a liner and her pussy. I don't need to see. Show me your asshole. It was kind of disappointing.

Yeah. It was pulled to watch for a minute, but then I was like, get the fuck out of here. The whole time I was looking for a knife. To do what? To stab myself. And then you, like a mass fucking suicide,

a la Bruce Jeddah. There was a good police chase today. Did you see that? It's so crazy You're obsessed with those It's every single day It's like oh hey Here's a real version of cops

You know I love that show cops Now we get a four hour version That's live And you never You know Today was a death Suicide by cop

And Oh did you do it I don't know Because it The helicopter was told to leave Because it was just getting too intense Like SWAT teams And stuff like

So cop committed suicide No no This guy was in his car With like I guess A shotgun And he was on the phone And just smoking cigarettes and they had

him surrounded and I guess he was saying that he was trying to do death by cop, you know, where he like comes out or they shoot him and, you know, suicide by cop but they they flew away that they were told they'd leave so I don't know what happened. I mean shoot.

Shoot him right in the fucking... Did you ever run from the cops, Joey? Run from the cops? Is that a real question? But not like that, not like with a helicopter and a bank robbery. I ran from cops a bunch of times. Really?

Yeah. Like they were chasing on foot. Oh my God. Both. Cars and foot. Did you think you're going to get away? I got away a couple times. Oh, fuck.

Yeah, that was before helicopters. No, it wasn't. I was not that. I didn't think about it for a second. I was like, huh? Wasn't? No, but it was definitely before, as nowadays it's like infrared helicopters.

They can see you at night. Yeah. If a holo copters aren't, you're pretty much just give up. You're dead. You're fucking dead. Because even after they look for you, they go to other things to find where the fuck you went. Like after you get home, that's when they find you an hour later. When they go back to the ironing board and look at all the computers in the area and see you just dip in and dashing.

Do I got chased by cops a fucking couple of times? One of the best ones ever was when I got into a fight with Carolyn Seattle. when the cops came and I jumped into the ocean. Oh, no way. And they cannot find me. What? And they went to the edge with the flashlight and everything and I was right under. Wow.

Were you under the water? Under the water. Like looking up at them, but I was so close to the thing. The ways, it was fucking freezing. I thought it was like three feet of fucking water. I thought I was going to go in there. It was low tide. So the water was going to go up to my fucking knees.

Fuck you. went straight down. Wow. And I thought I was just going to duck in the water and they were just going to look around and go, oh, you know, it's high tide, whatever, we're not even going to. These motherfuckers walked all the way to the edge.

And I'm down there, like, but you couldn't hear me kicking because the waves were hitting this wall. It was down by Al Qai. Al Qaeda right on Seattle Beach, that the fucking penguins. It's that water is freezing. That's Alaska

water. That was one time. Another time with her in the car We got into a fight She ripped up my check And I pulled her And the cops chased me And I hid inside a dumpster Oh yeah

For fucking nine hours, eight hours I jump out of the dumps I walked half the block And they're waiting for me in the bushes They knew I was in the fucking dumpster I have never even had a speeding ticket before Come on The best chase I got involved in though

Was when I robbed the bookie and it went down That went from 57th and Park Avenue in Western New York, New Jersey and it went to 69th, 70th Street in Kennedy Boulevard in North Bergen. But you're going Joey, it's 59th to 70th. It's 11 blocks.

It's 11 blocks this way, but it was like 10 blocks this way. You follow me from where that happened was right by the Hudson River, and I had to get all the way across town by Seacquackers. Guys, you have no idea. And they were on. They were going up and down blocks. Are you on foot?

Foot, motherfucker. What do you think I had a bicycle with a helmet? No, foot. And my hand was ripped. Oh, that time you jumped the fence. Yeah, I got caught right there with a barbed wire went in. You can still see with a fucking point. Went in, pulled down, and then ripped that way, like a V.

And I'm running home with my hand. I could feel the glove going I could squeeze the blood out of the fucking glove that's how much it was dripping and I remember as I got to the block where I lived it was Kennedy Boulevard and then there was a block up like Fifth Avenue or Sixth Avenue or something Lee what's going on when they wake up your fuck

I'm out I think the Eastern you have it on I don't just die this fucking guy So as I'm getting to my house, I mean, I'm maybe 50 yards from my front door. I see the door and something makes me look up. And it's a cop car coming down my block without its lights on. No lights, no lights, no nothing. So I couldn't catch it.

He didn't see me. We just missed each other. As soon as I saw him, I ducked under a car. And as he got like 10 feet from me, he started flashing his light out. I crossed the street And that was it I went downstairs I took the glove

No I left the glove on I changed my clothes And about an hour later They picked me up And I went to the bar That was one of the worst Chases ever Where the fucking cops

Like two of them were on foot And I lost them And the other ones were in cars Is your heart just racing The entire time? Oh my God It was tremendous Fuck

It's tremendous So in cops and stuff They actually think they're going to get away like like it just seems so stupid watching cops in the well they show you the episodes where they fucking catch it yeah there's 20 fucking shots where they look for you and you know listen man when it's dark and shit like that you get you get you you get move but you got to move yeah you got to fucking move and catch a break and catch a corner it's got to happen quick because they usually come by themselves or maybe

with one but in four minutes you'll have three more cars there once they say it's a foot pursuit and in 10 minutes you'll have four more fucking cars there so it's all by the minute and quickness boom boom boom this way you know I'm talking about if you fucking get into a fist fight if you rob a fucking a coke dealer and they're chasing like the coke dealer got a hurt you shot them in the leg or something they're not gonna pull out no fucking helicopters but at time the helicopter shoots over you're hidden you know unless you fall or they pick up like a t-shirt and they get like a dog out there or something but then it's again, I don't know.

I don't know the extent of it, really. I was watching Netflix has this cool show. It's like serial killers would, like, talk about their crimes. And it was this dude in New York who just went and, like, started stabbing people and he would hide.

It was like 36 hours. That he just killed, like, a girlfriend, the girlfriend's mom, and this other dude. Nice guy. Oh, my God. And then he was talking about, like, hiding in New York for the night.

And I just, I can't, It's like I always laugh in Grand Theft Auto when if you wait 30 seconds, the cops just give up. But it's just crazy how, like, how could you imagine having someone chasing after you for those 36 hours? Could you imagine if Grand Theft Auto Lee lasted? Like, those cops went home to investigate you. And then so you have all these like murder cases playing Grand Theft Auto. Like 2,000 people after you. I like, you have to think like they do.

The cops don't work like they do on CSI fucking Miami. the general public thinks that they drop a hair they're going to send it and they're going to get their hair result back in two fucking days guys there's so much fucking bureaucracy that shit costs money so before they send your hair like I remember one time I lived under this guy in Colorado

and he would come over to eat every night his name was Ken but he was from Kentucky so he just called Kentucky and he come every night and eat on it always show up when food dinner was serving and he goes mm-mm-mm-mm-hmm what is it that I smell Is that lobster tails? Maybe I can get a piece.

You know, we're family. Well, you know, get a piece. We give him a piece of one of our... And one day he comes home and this motherfucker goes, my mama just had me $200. I'm going to have a good weekend. Well, I thought, buy a bag of wheat. Come on down here.

He's like, oh, no. My mama sent me this is for me. And my brother's like, fuck him. In the back of my mind, I'm like, this is fucking mine. That money is mine. I'm going to rob that motherfucker. He was right on top of me. He went out that night, and I knew he was a cheap fuck.

He wasn't going to take the $200 cash. So one way or another, I creeped in this as a apartment. I took like the 200. One way or another. I brought tables together. I creeped up through his balcony. I put like a table on top of barbecue on top of something else. And I climbed up and grabbed myself up to fucking balcony and put my leg over.

And he left the screen door open, which really shocked me. And I went into his house. I searched I could not find the fucking money anywhere. I left the front door open. But I went downstairs and started thinking about it. Where did I put the money? I went back upstairs looking at the pharmacy, like in his kitchen, in his bathroom.

It was a thing of Band-Aids. I opened it up, and there was the two-men. The next one, this jerk off comes down. He's like, man, somebody robbed my house last night. I knew it was one of you, New Jersey criminals. Right? Me and my buddy's howling, because my buddy knows it's me. He's like going, and we're like, bah.

And we're like, bah. And I'm like, with the straight face. Come on. Who robbed you? We're going to find out. I just went and got Scott's tape and got fingerprints off the glass. He goes, I just sent it to the FBI. Fuck you. I didn't miss a beat.

I know he had dick. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know what fucking. By the time you get it to the fall of, I'll beat that in court with a fucking, with Lee. I'll put a Yamika on, we're in a black suit, and take him to court and say the authenticity. Some big fucking word than they'll fall. It really is. They'll probably would.

It really would work because they just At one point they're telling you They got fingerprints They have to show them to you They have to show you the points And prove it to you as an attorney They're going to try to cut a deal Right off the bat

You're going to go why And they cut a deal so suspiciously That's why Because they have partial fingerprints Show me the motherfuckers bitch Yeah Keep the dick It's like when I got in trouble

When I was underage drinking at a bar And the cops came in And I was holding a drink and I threw it in the trash can. They put me in the paddy wagon and had to go to court. And I was 18 and I had a public defender. And he's just like, did they take the drink out of the trash can? I'm like, no.

And he goes, all right, say you weren't drinking. And he's like, I'm like, what? And he goes, they need to have evidence to, you know, to book you on anything. I'm like, are you sure? And he goes, yeah. So went to court. Cop's like, no, I don't have that evidence. Obviously, you know, I didn't get a trash can.

And they're like, well, case dismissed. That's it. There's so many fucking loophole. Right. But they have to do. One time I was living in Snowmast Village and I had this idea that I was going to rob the jewelry store and take the jewelry and sell in New York for the holidays

and walk out of it like 50 grand. It was a mom-and-pop jewelry store. I went to this fucking dude who, till this day, today, now that I think about it, and you guys know I process everything, today, I think this guy was an undercover rating because he was an electrician. And he knew alarm systems. Like he told me, he knew alarm systems and shit.

But ever since I started talking about, my luck started changing. And I went to this place, and it was like they knew I was coming. I cut the wire and all of a sudden they fucked up because they came up there with their lights on. This is one time what these idiots kept their life. Which gave me, they're three miles away. I'm in the Colorado Mountains. I see the lights coming up. This is easy.

So I stop what I'm doing. I jumped the fence and I run straight home. I lived in the valley. I just run through the snow. Snow's coming down. I run along. I fucking kick my brother. And I was in an hour later, guys.

There's a knock on the fucking door. It's like four cops. I'm like, how you doing? Great night. Great. Fucked up weather. Like, listen, we had a robbery tonight. And the guy ran all the way here.

What a coincidence. And we're like, no. Did anybody come here tonight? We're like, no. It was just me and my roommate. Like, can we come inside? Big mistake. They came in.

And they go, so you didn't go out to him? Like, no, and they looked at my boots. I left them there, and there was snow melting on them. And they're like, well, I don't know. Those other boots there were out. They had me, but they couldn't arrest me. They had no fucking proof. There was no tools out left in the open or nothing like that.

That's another time I got chased. See, like, Jesus. It's like, it's in my life now because, like, Paul is going to be a little prosecutor. And then in Boston, there's two important cases going on. Like, there's Aaron Hernandez. And then that bomber dude. And it's just, it's kind of fucked up when he's,

think about like the jury how like they they get to decide on people's lives like they just be like you have to just guess it's like there's no real like you don't know if it's real and I think that guy bombed the the marathon but they're why even have a trial like what's what are they gonna there's no way they're going to find him not guilty it just seems like a waste well I think with the bomber they were they tried them to see if they're not Give him a death penalty, correct? That's what they're going. That's what they're deciding now.

I think they're going on there. They're going to kill this fucking bull, moron. And then Hernandez might get off now. They're saying, I don't know. I didn't follow it that much. I don't know what the fuck's going on. It's like that fucking... You have to listen.

We live in the United States. You have a due process here. That's why they do that shit. They spend millions on those fucking court cases. Millions. And even if he gets fucking convicted, then he goes on death row. And that's 22 million other repeals.

And then you're going to fucking zap him until he's fucking 50. So what are you going to do? It's just a part of fucking growing up. Right. It's two high-profile cases. They got to run it. You know, so what those jurors?

They never heard what was going on with this football player. They never fucking even heard of an England Patriots. Because that's basically you got to go in there. Right. Those Aaron Hernandez guys have to go in there saying, we don't even know who the England Patriots are. We don't know anything about this case. Tell me, guys.

You guys don't know what shit's going on because it doesn't appeal to you, You've heard of it. Right. So even if you've heard of the situation, you're fucking biased, right? That's what I think all the time. So... Did you have a judge or a jury?

I had a judge. Fuck that. I don't take it to jury. Okay, that's... I was guilty. I ain't fucking around. Cut me a deal, bitch. I'll save you a thousands.

You understand me? No, if you got to... If you're pleading the case or you're a high-profile case, a high-profile matter, listen, the beautiful thing about the law is that you have a proof behind a reason.

reasonable doubt. That's all it takes to be not guilty. But that's all it takes to be not guilty. A reasonable doubt. So me as an attorney, I'm going to take my cock out. I'm going to go in there with Lee. I'm going to tell Lee, Lee, you're looking at 60 years. You're looking at dying anyway.

So what do you give a fuck? Let me work these motherfuckers a little bit. Let's work this cop. Let's work this evidence. There was a lieutenant who's a little weak, the breach of command. A good attorney, see little things. So they attacked the fucking trial. and you know what what a great thing to prove somebody wrong

by look at the oj thing that's the one that stands in my mind everybody knew this motherfucker played football everybody watches tv they saw him running through a fucking airport in the commercial correct right when they go to their bias right to love to bat he was married to a white woman there was so many fucking mitigate little fucking things but his attorneys attacked the DNA the knife they attacked the fingerprints that were never really processed on the gate that they had an OJ that they never really processed because it rained and it washed some of that fucking blood off a lot of people don't know that there was so many little fucking things in the OJ trial that you know but think about that he paid the money he got four powerhouse attorneys to go in there and break down one guy first of all if your wife goes to work for a big attorney firm right like a big attorney firm they eat up the district attorney's office dude is that our earthquake I'm sorry I think it was I

I was freaking out because I... I don't fucking know. Because I looked over at you and I thought you were hitting the table. I was just like, what the fuck? I thought it was too. I was about to run. It's like when you go up against a high... It's like of L.A. County.

It's like if I murdered somebody tonight. And I go out there and get an attorney that right off the bat, I got to give them a check for $250,000. That's my first check to them. They won't even talk to me. $250,000. We need in our office by 3 o'clock on the wire. And that's how it starts.

That's how the clock starts. with those motherfuckers. They're going to take it to trial, and they're going to try to... But that's the beauty about living in the United States. I've got to ask you something, Red Man, before... Are you on a rush? No, I'm just making sure I'm okay.

Don't just stop with the fucking pulse. Everybody's going to live here. We'll both Domino's pizza. We'll get you some wings of blue cheese. Everybody will be fucking happy. You eat Domino's wings? No, I'm just saying for you guys, because I know it'll make your heart go pedal, paddle.

If you see a Domino wing leak. It would. If you saw a Domino's wings... Oh, two of them, you'd probably come all over yourself. You like domino wings, man? They're not great. He loves dominoes. He loves Little Caesars.

He loves it. I don't love Little Caesars, but it's not bad for $5. He loves it. He's Jewish. Little Caesars, he'll buy a pie, eat the other one for the next day. Olive Garden has a new meal where you can get, you know, unlimited salad and breadsticks, and then you order a dish, and then you get a dish to take home of a different dish so you can have it the next morning. So what you do is you go there, Lee, you eat all the salad and breadsticks.

until you can't eat anymore get the alfredo dipping sauce take both of them home now you have two meals for 1299 wait what what do you dip the alfredo in the breadsticks in the alfredo oh no it's two dollars that's that's that's the salad's not bad yeah and that's not bad and the soup is fucking not bad either pasta bazzoal if you have like on the east coast do you dip the breadsticks and fettuccini sauce though oh oh you got to see me in it's all my fucking face i would need that fettuccini fucking yeast infection juice if you paid me Every time I say ferochini Alfredo yeah Alfredo I think of a yeast Infect that's what that sauce looks like It's good though It's disgusting You freduccini, Alfredo

It's good on pasta I've never had on bread It's Italian ranch No god Oh god almighty Fucking disgustos He's fucking that shit Oh my god

I'm so dude that was an earthquake How do you know Everyone's tweeting Like crazy about it That's a good one Who gives a fuck I'm so glad it is an earthquake Because I was like

My God I'm having a heart attack need to call the ambulance. There's always nothing. I thought you were like doing this. This is the second time the church has been going live when we've been struck by a fucking earthquake and we've survived it. So take that to the bank for you,

people at home fucking doing jumping jacks. What do you think of the state of podcasting right now? Lee had some interesting questions this weekend. It's interesting. I personally am over it a little because I'm just you know, when I started Desquod, I've always done it as a video podcast.

You guys have done it as a video podcast, but I focused it on a video. I called it Desquod.tv, and I had all the shows under one name on iTunes and everything like that, because what I have always thought is that once Apple catches up and like these, you know, Roku boxes and stuff like that catches up, we're all just going to be a network. We're not, we're going to be right next to NBC. It's going to be NBC, Joey Diaz channel, Joe Rogan channel. And so my idea was always to have like a one channel and then have all these shows, like TV shows after it. Now, I think what podcasting did was start off that trend, that idea.

Everyone started a podcast. The amount that got through and are still doing it today have now a lot of them have switched to video podcasts also or they have a camera on and stuff like that. But I also see that I think podcasting and audio, it just feels like I'm not hearing about it as much as I was two years ago. Two years ago, it was like podcast, podcast, podcast, dude, podcast, podcast. Where now it's more like doing a Twitch. I'm doing a video game show now. Or I'm doing a show about this. Or we're doing a live show, like, you know, a live show where we film while we're on the road.

And I don't know, man. It's very interesting right now. And especially for me, because I personally, you know, once you've said so many things, I mean, podcasts are long. And, you know, once you've done a couple of hundreds and hundreds of them, there really gets to a point where it's kind of, you can't dip into all the fun stuff that you used to dip into anymore. Like, oh, I haven't talked to them about the girl that, you know, I murdered. And I haven't talked to about, you know, this and that and that and stuff. You can't really do that anymore because you've already done that. So it's kind of like, I think you get to a point where you're just.

just like, okay, I need to start tripping when robbing banks more now. I felt I had to just start going off the deep end a little just to get not stale and to keep it exciting and fresh. And I don't know. It's interesting. I have been doing less of them and I'm more happier. I was doing way too many. I was doing all the Joe Rogan ones,

and now I'm only doing like half the Joe Rogan ones. I was doing like four, five, six different podcasts a week. Now I'm doing two. And it's just, I think for me, I was just spreading it too thin. And I kind of got bored with it a little. But now, since I've cut back, the ones I do, I have fun on them again.

Me and I discuss this weekend how, you know, people are great. They have a great podcast, you know. But I get hit up five times a week to do different podcasts. It's not to have something against other people's podcasts. It's that I have one myself. And I've got to be fresh out here twice. They've already heard the fucking stories. They've already heard my logic, you know.

So now I'm going to go do two more podcasts, which are going to ask me the same questions over again I ended up in prison, now I ended up a comic. So I just said I can't because I just have enough time for two a week. I love doing Joe's, you know. I'll go up to Joe's and lose my mind for an hour. That's a great one. But besides that, it's somewhere I got to drive to. It's not like, well, you have to call my Skype at 245.

I don't know what the fuck I'm going to be doing at 245. I'm going to get an audition at a fucking one. You don't live here. It's tough to really connect with you. I'm going to have to go home and get the email and email you. Forget it. So I feel the same way. you have. I started burning out for a while.

And that's why I just do two a week. Just to keep me fresh. Sometimes I'll do them on Sundays. Sometimes I'll do them in the mornings. Sometimes I'll do them Monday nights. Tomorrow I have something. So I figured I'd do it tonight. That's the reason, fucking why. I also. I love switching the format around. I love it. I can't do

nothing the same way fucking twice. I'm sorry. I don't mind switching up, not having a guest and just coming out of your stone to the gills. That's the great thing I always thought about the podcast, though. that I knew that I would do well with because I wanted to let people know where my heart was. That's it.

That was the most important thing that whatever they judged up on stage or whatever the fuck I was talking about on stage, that instead of leaving their little negative on the negative side, it's like, you know what, maybe he's having a bad night. I listen to him on the podcast, and I know where his heart is at. When I did the longest yard, I felt that in Atlanta that time. I felt in a lot of cities that people just really didn't fucking like me, man. But, you know, for something stupid that came out of my mouth that I thought was funny at the time.

And I think that's the advantage we have over Richard Pryor and Bill Hicks, that we have a chance to go home and do a second chance. This is a second chance. Come on here and talk about what we like, what we like, what we like to eat, or we don't like to fucking eat, or we don't like to walk all over fucking San Diego to get a shrimp taco. It just gives you your perspective. I always wanted them to know what was in my heart and what was in my soul, you know? And that's what I want with this podcast at this point.

That's it. People always hit you up what ideas, what you should do, what you shouldn't do. You know, Lee and I have discussed it. I know what I want to do. I know what works for me. I couldn't do four of these a week. I can't do this. I can't do three of these a week.

It's spread. It's the law diminishing return. Something's going to suffer. For a while there, I was on the road every week for like 12 weeks. The podcast started to suffer. It was too much. It was just too much. It was too much leaving on Thursday.

I got to do it in two days. Sometimes it's great doing a podcast. I'm not doing one for three days. Then doing it again. That's the whole, you know. Yeah. I mean, when I started really going at it, you know, when me and Joe started the Joe Rogan thing and then right after that,

started doing the Death Squad stuff, you know, that's been about four years or so. When Death Squad first started, I mean, I was literally working all day long doing Joe's stuff, then doing Death Squad stuff. and then at night editing, not only had that taken so much, I mean, for the first time in my life, I feel like, oh, my God, I can just lay on the couch if I wanted to and watch the TV. I haven't been able to do this in four years. Just all that work and all that stress and being able to just stop for a second, I think it's so important because, I mean, I've never had a part of my life for four years.

I didn't have a real day off of work, you know? Like, I mean, most jobs you take, like, I'll take two weeks off. I may go to, you know, Florida or something like that. I really haven't done that, you know, like I've gone home to visit my mom for a few days. But I also had a comedy show. And I was also, you know, I was the one booking that and having to get the rental car. And like, it's like I've been doing so much work that it's, like, I feel like the president when he goes in the term where he gets gray hair for four years or eight years. Like, I feel like that has happened to me, and that that was the roughest four years I've just gotten through with.

And now I'm just like, I'm almost beat up. Like, I feel like, it's fucking work, man. Yeah. Now, what are you going to do for? We're going to retire? No, no. I got to. Now it starts all over again.

Put it back together. You get a second wind. You write some jokes. You stay home for a few months. You regroup. You know, like you said, you're only not drinking three nights a week now. You're only drinking four nights. Four nights a week.

So there's three nights that you don't drink. And you refuel and you go back. out there and you start making a living, you put it some money away, and then it just, it speaks in valleys, man. Look at Don Marrera. Don wherever. You look at Dom. He's out every fucking week. I'm lazy compared to Don't. But I also have the wife and the child, which takes a lot of my fucking time. Like, we made it back from San Diego to Nevada last night and an hour 40. Don't you love that? I've done that once before. Also, I used to do Hollywood in an hour 20 when I used to work in La Jolla. The black drug dealer had would close at one.

So I had to beat the clock and get. And I'd do it. Last night we did a hundred, ninety percent of the way. The happiest I've ever seen you was when we reached Irvine in an under an hour. You just got this big smile on your face and you were like, you were like excited. You were doing a hundred. And then you were playing, oh yeah, come over as you were coming up to immigration. Oh, I went fucking bananas when I heard that.

I was cutting people off to get the immigration. There was a line. We had a pee and I had a stop at immigration. and immigration held us for like seven minutes. If not, we would have, we would have a great time. We made great time coming from San Diego. San Diego is a great fucking city. And I get it.

You know what, man? You look at those women, what they have on, the food, the clothes, out. And it's only open until two, right? It's no fucking, low white. It's a little white in the little, one military. But that's good because you kind of feel a little bit more protected. You know, you go to Vegas and you see these people. People who, I mean, let's face it, Vegas is 50% Los Angeles people around the weekends.

That's why Sunset's fucking dead on Friday and Saturday. There's nobody on sunset. But you go to San Diego and they have their own little Las Vegas down there. They're fucking, that gas lamp. There was thousands of people out there. Thousands of leave. Both fucking night. Thousands.

Traffic. People on bicycles pushing people around. It's like, oh, my God. One recognized me gave me a ride when I had to go get you some medicine. Yeah. I got, I ran out. outside of the club and this dude was like, are you leave from the podcast? And he took me on that little pedal bike thing to CVS. Nice. Yeah, one thing I don't like about it is that it does not as friendly

with marijuana for sure. Like, like, I mean, I've smoked weed like in an alley outside, you know, in the gas lamp. And I've had people like, Abraham tell me about, you shouldn't be doing that here and get that out of here. And like, it's not, it's not like L.A. where you just walk down the sidewalks start smoking weed. That's why they don't have dispensaries there or they didn't for a while. They only have delivery services there. They don't like marijuana in San Diego as much as L.A. That's one big part that that kind of is a bummer.

I smoked right on a son. I smoked in the club downstairs. Yeah. Yeah. Look at you. But how many, because I had to figure it out for my taxes. How many free podcasts have you done?

Like, Joey's always paid me. He's always been, we always, he always gave me something for, I did almost 200 free, what the fuck, someone got beat up. But I got, I did almost 200 free podcast last year. And it's just like, I hear comedians talking a lot about bookers taking advantage of them. Like they won't pay them for the shows. And I get, I get comedians are also some, they're not a lot of money. So you don't need to pay producers a lot. But, like, I was talking to Vicki Pezzell last week.

She doesn't get paid. It's just, it's so much more. It's a lot of work to do it. I mean, I worked for Joe full time. So I do whatever Joe tells me to do. He wants me to edit a video if I make a website. So I've gotten paid, you know, I would have got paid anyways. No, no, no, no.

For Rogans, yeah. But for every single other podcasts I've ever done, I've never got paid. Right, yeah. And we're talking foul probably. probably over thousands. And all these podcasts became, a lot of these podcasts became big, and there's some of the biggest podcasts out.

You know, Ari Shafirs, you know, Tom Segura and Christina Piscikis, the Nadi Show. And, I mean, the bone zone, whatever. But I never did it for that. I did it just to, because these were all my friends, just to help them out. Because for a while, me and Joey and Ari and Duncan and all these guys,

have been on the road. And, you know, and nothing. And, you know, Joey would get a commercial here, or Duncan would get a commercial here and these little, little things. But, you know, just knowing all these people, I was like, there has to be a way to get people to fall in love with them. And you know what it is? It's repetition. It's being able to, it's learning who this person is and then hearing this person again. And then hearing the next thing you know, this person, just like any kind of radio DJ in the past, is now you know who that person is.

You feel comfortable hearing this person's story. So it's very cool to be able to do that for all these people and all my friends. And I never did it for the money. I just did it because I thought it was cool that I could have do it. You know, like to be able to make a show. And now people are watching that show and they love everyone that's on the show. And that, I mean, I do the least, actually. I've never been paid.

And it's bankrupting me now. I'm bankrupt right now. I have to write a check tomorrow. for 99% of what I have in my checking account. It sucks. You know, it's, it's bad right now. And I probably have to get rid of Desquod Studio pretty soon, too. Up there?

Yeah, because it's like, you know, it's like, the whole thing costs me with like insurance, you know, and all the bills for it for it and the rent. I'm looking at almost about $2,000. You know, so, so I have to design and create and make a T-shirt that will sell at least $2,000 a month so I can pay for that so it doesn't take out of my living money. And then I had something break the other day and I had to buy a new soundboard. It was like $500. So I have to, you know, it's all of that stuff.

And after a while, it took any kind of money, bank accounts or anything. It just took it all out. And so while my hobby got out of control, I need to figure out a way to still be able to do it. still like to do it and and and make it a little bit more efficient because right now it's you know it's it's just it's just took everything I got so that's what I'm doing with now getting roofy crazy chicks trying to get revenge feeling fake earthquakes I'll be in Vancouver by the way next Monday for 420 if anyone's listening we haven't gotten to that yet we don't I think you're doing shots no make man Mikey Vincent Scott limb Miles Dong

talking lamb making a fucking comeback on Twitter Carlos Noseguan Paul Deese Anthony Gravalla Pedy Garcia and Paul Lynch I love you cock suckers to death Do you understand me

How about you Lee What's up buddy Everything I'm right with you little ninja turtle See you know Yeah do some sidekicks for Jesus You want some Tony Bennett Sure Whatever you want my friend

It's Monday What do you want to have Do you have a question? No I got no fucking question Just put it on Where do you put you like Are you fucking kidding me Or what

Jesus Christ That goes my My central nervous system When somebody breaks your heart Some somebody Twice as much Very soothing Like a home in napping no

My eyes fuck also I had two chiboucheos A rubber thing I had the whole thing Yes I did Yes I did It's fucking Sunday That's it

I had shit to do I didn't nap We got home at 2.30. What time we got home? 140. Yeah. I went and got gas. I went home. I emptied the suitcase. I hooked up the sleep happening machine.

I took a shower. It was like maybe 220, and I watched some TV until about 3.30. I got up at 7.30. The baby was already up, and my wife is sick. So I took a shower. I made breakfast. and I took the baby to the fucking park. I left the house at like 8.30, dog.

Oh, God. I was wiped out. I didn't think I was on making today. That's how I always look at life now. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm tired. What if I was a snorted to a grandma blow last night? How bad would I feel right now? I feel this bad, and I didn't do any blow last night.

Jesus fucking. Like, I need my sleep now. Like, a three-hour night. And Saturday nights, my body's used to it. My body gets shit on Saturday nights. two, three hours, tops, maybe an hour on the plane. And then I get about two hours, about two or three in the afternoon that Sunday. I don't get shit on Sundays for sleep.

So my body's used to it. I took it down. We walked around. We stopped and got some water. I'm going to get some ice cream, but she'd make too much of a fucking mess. And then, where are we going? I didn't even know what I mean? The wife took her.

That was it. It was a short day. I went to Jitsu. I met somebody the other day that you. used to do jigit-to for you at the first place you'd have to get where it was but uh the comedy store yeah yeah they came down with me that's right yeah girls uh deborah and uh nani annie and steve yay and they all go to the new place i go to now when this whole phenomenon came apart when it came to me i can't lie to you guys this had nothing to do with money this had nothing

to do with money i didn't look at this as money i looked at this as an opportunity I was like, this is the opportunity I've been waiting for to tell a story, to tell a fucking story on here, to tell my story, how it affected me, how it molded me, you know, and that was it. Then I started hearing all these fucking things. People making this, people making that, people making this. And again, it's like that old thing.

After a while, you know, me and Red Band are editors, and you're still assisting editing. How bad do you feel? So after a while, you have to be. And no, and it's not like I didn't, I didn't even know where to pick up sponsors. They start looking you down. They start hitting you up on Lipson and, you know, whatever.

And then when Lee, when we, you know, when Lee came on board, I figured I didn't want any drama, so we got to pay him. We got to figure out a way to fucking pay Lee. So we got to get the sponsors. But this was never really about money for me. This was always about

getting to let people know who the fuck you were. With this, supplemental with some videos. And that's the fucked up part because it is so cool like I feel bad asking for money from people like I did 200 and it's the fucked up part is people like oh you're having fun yeah it's fucking a great

it's a great gig but at a certain point when you're here uploading a podcast and playing with the levels because it doesn't sound right to you and then lips in the upload fails you're like fuck at a certain point doing 200

I only did 200 of them you thousands free yeah And now I'm editing 4K video with two camera angles And I mean I'm rendering video I always see that you do that I'm like why would you do that to yourself For a video video I'm like oh Jesus

Yeah that's a lot of work That's a good question I learned something early on I learned that And it's not just Hollywood it's life You know people are going to get whatever you let them take from me People are going to get whatever You know who lands for any Fivarito $60,000

Then give us them another $4,000 thousand dollars. I told Josh Wolf on the phone the other day that there's people that want to be victims. There's people that want to walk around and walk into the comments and go, what happened right back? I let Joey D. is 10,000.

Joey the years just blow every night. Well, he told me his cat was sick. Are you fucking kidding me? He's somewhere in Vegas getting his dick son right now. You're 10,000 and you're not going to get it. Some people want to be fucking victims, you know? I don't even know my point was.

That's how I am. I know. This has been a weird trippy night because I can't tell if I keep any feeling things that are earthquakes. Oh, yeah, you're hearing. Earthquoise and shit. It's an ambulance type of night for it. It might be. It might be calling like 911 on himself or some shit.

The Mexicans living over the wall, some fucking shit. But no, it's, you know, you do this to. I enjoy it. I really do enjoy doing these. I just don't want to do that every day. But what I was talking about was LA is a place where they do this thing. Okay, when I first came to LA,

I was under the assumption that when you did a movie, you were a millionaire. Like when I before, I had anything about movies. I just thought that whenever you did a movie, you were set for life. Then I came out to LA, and I started hearing what the rules were. And I could still live with it.

You know, as being a comic, getting $15 a spot at the comedy store, you want to pay me $6.95 a day? to shoot a scene in the movie or a TV, whatever TV was, whatever it was, I could live with that red man. You know, I could live with that, Lee.

But then the union agreed to this new thing. It's called a sag low budget film. And they have even an ultra-low budget, which is $50 a day. Where's the glamour? Where's the glamour? That's what this is all about. I'm a comedy store guy.

I'm dirty. If you give me a beer that's half drunk, and I'm snort and blow. I'll drink it. You know, if there's a half a cigarette and the ashtray outside the comedy store, I'm coaked up, I'll take it out there and finish that fucking cigarette. I'm a dirty dude. When you go on a movie set,

that's why you want to go on a movie set. Your room is clean. You get a drink, you know, you get taken care of for three or four days. I came to this town. I was very forced that my first thing was basketball. Wow. Fucking trailer. I'm stealing roller skates.

They're bringing me lunch. to my fucking room. Did these people know I did time for kidnapping? Did they have any idea what I've done? Okay. Matt TV,

Spider-Man 2, I'm eating lobster tales on a Friday. This is a great life if you pay your dues. But then, SAG said, oh, fuck these bitches.

We're going to let you do a movie for $220,000 from now on. So let's pretend. Let's pretend. Stop looking around, Red Bend. I'm scared.

I keep on feeling things. You ain't feel nothing. It's ants. That's fucking comfort. This guy's cullo. Let's pretend. You want to do this movie. You come to me and you go, Joey, I got a perfect part for you.

I did it out. I hired a production designer. I hired a production manager. It's going to take $9 million to do the movie. All right? I got, I'll ask you, what are you got right now? You'll say, I got $1.3 million. And I got a guy in Germany who's going to send me $5 million.

I'll keep you posted. We'll do a table read. We'll shoot a few scenes from a few. You could get the investor money. And then, after about a year, I won't hear from Red Bank. I'll get a call from Red Bank going, guess what Uncle Joey? We're back on. You got the role.

You're the man. You're going to knock it out of the park. Oh, shit. When do we start? We're looking at October 19. You're going to work for six days. Only one bad thing. What's that?

We didn't get the $1.7 million we needed. We got $200,000, $600 a day. So this is your glamour. So you don't. Now, I could see. if you're a young actor and you're learning how to act, this is great for you as an apprentice.

But not ever be involved for a hundred a day. You figure you've got to give your age and ten bucks commission. You got to weigh your own clothes. You really got to know your way around the set because they cut on production assistants. So there's not people knocking on your dog going, Lisaette put makeup on. You're up next.

You got to pay attention a little more. You know what I'm saying? You got to do your own makeup. You got to shave. Nobody's going to take that string. out of your jacket. Remember you just saw a special? That had a string coming out of his jacket.

Are you serious? That's what happens. Like, I only watched 20 minutes of it because it pissed me off so much. On his right arm, he had a fucking string. Did he say anything about it? Has he publicly said anything about that string? Or he's probably, don't bring up the string? I don't know, but it's terrible.

That's embarrassing. But you have 100,000 in the special, so you have to release it. How did no one notice that? Because they're looking at these little monitors backstage. Let me see if I can find it. That's what happens on those low budget production shoots. Right. So the actor loses, everybody loses.

My thing is, if somebody does the job, you fucking pay him. Okay? If somebody does the job, you pay him. Me as a comic, I will come to you and say, Red Band, I'm having a bad month this month. Get me starting on the podcast, and every week we'll do an hour and a half. I'll give you $25.

That's $100 a month. That's something. At least we're starting somewhere with 100. These comics won't do that. Right. They won't even go out of their way. They won't even think about it. Not to mention that the podcast is at 8 on Mondays.

They show up at 825 with a story. You know what I am? So you're doing it for free and it's costing you time. Yeah. I don't mind doing something for four weeks for Joey to get off his feet. Right. Come on, Joey. Get off your feet.

Go to that piece of place and tell them that you'll sponsor you for 100 a week. Give me 25. You can even keep 75. People don't even have that mentality. That's a hustler's mentality. You know, how can I have Lee over my husband? house in the Sunday helping me move furniture. I'm going to give him fucking pizza.

Give him a 50. Give him a 50 on the way out. He'll say no. That's 50's gas money. Lee'll love you. From now when I call Lee on Sundays, he'll fucking come. My big beef with those Honolitan movies are that they make you work Sundays. If I made you work for my dream, because

that's what this podcast is, this is my dream. I come to you as a producer and I say, have an idea. We'll play music at the end. I'll stick a kazoo up my You know, let's try. It's never been done before. Whatever the fuck. This is what somebody gives you a shot of your dream.

Take care of them. Right. It's your dream. So you want me to come on your movie set on a fucking Sunday? You're going to give me the same fucking McDonald's-Land fucking egg muck-muffin. You've been giving me all week. Go to the diner. For $10 extra, get some scramble debt.

You know what I'm saying? There's little things that go so far when somebody's doing something for you on a Saturday or Sunday. This guy's got three kids. He's here for what? To help you create your fucking dream. Yeah. So, from now, every podcast, you're going to the first three are free. .

After that, I need $25 bucks. I don't care where you get it from. And it's our prime. And I'd rather get a $100 bill at the first of the month just in case. When you get a sponsor, figure it on in your own. can't keep coming up here and then that you do the favor and like they said how many times if people come to us and say i want to do a podcast and get them on the podcast and they're 20 minutes late that's it you can't work i can't work with you because we're doing this to start up and you're already fucking up in a 20 minute fucking late so that's the big thing that burns me i know you're very generous i know you've helped a lot of fucking people you know yeah i mean i think that's what one big part of the the reconstruction of what i've been doing lately is just to make it make more sense to me.

You know, like I'm not doing the 11 podcasts a week anymore. I'm doing, you know, what I want to do. Kill Tony. I enjoy doing Kill Tony. Ice House Chronicles. I enjoy the Ice House Chronicles. I enjoy The Ice House Chronicles. I enjoy Joe Rogan Pockers.

But other than that, I used to be like, oh, I need to do, you know, four more shows and do this thing. I can't do that at least right now for a while until I can figure out a way to have employees and have people help me and have sponsors and stuff like that because I mean I'm two math classes away for having a college degree and I won't do it because I can't do it. I fucking hate math. I hate business. I'm like, you know, probably like you.

Like I look at the shit and I'm like, I don't know what that is. And I don't check my mail every three months now. I'll check my mail. I'll take a trash bag, empty it into a trash thing, set it down. I mean, that's how much I can't deal with that crap. You know, it really fucking sucks. You have to stay on top of that shit. You can't check your mail every three fucking months.

I have to. You got to stay on top of this shit because if not it gets out of control, you know? I'm happy not doing that many podcasts. That just doesn't make sense. In the studio, it's too much ass bite unless you're doing 20 podcasts out of it. Not you. You're doing three, but somebody else is doing five and they're giving you 300. And that's a part of the whole thing.

That was the part of the whole thing. Maybe. Maybe. But then guess what? You're going to get there as a cheeseburger. Yeah. Somebody left there. And that gram of weed your hat is now fucking a half a gram.

They took the papers and they took your lighters. And your computer has. Yeah. So at the end of the week, you're like, how do I fucking props from this? Unless it's family that you trust 150% that listen, you see what this motherfucker looks like when you walk in here? That's what's going to look like when you walk out of here. Don't bring no fucking food in here. You know, you have time slots.

You got to write them down. You get here 20 after two. Guess what? You got a 40-minute podcast this week. You tell that to somebody for three or four weeks. Would you stop with the earthquake? What's up, Lisa? At what do you got playing this week, Cocklicka?

This week. There you go right there. Is that another one? Yeah. Are you shaking your feet? I'm not doing it. I'm just... The water's shaking.

Yeah, I think we did. Just got another one fully fuss. This is tremendous. Who fucking earthquakes? We're going to come out. We're going to come out in asteroids. and everyone's on fire. Oh, fuck them.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah, something's going on. The fucking emails aren't coming in. I think the Martians are definitely attacking. Yeah, earthquake hits Los Angeles, people. It's a beautiful fucking day. Rick Ramos is going to see Fargo and Hudson Sucker proxy tonight. Might as well join him.

My mom fucks with me. She called me the other week, and she was like, I was just talking about my friend the other day. and I was saying even though I live in New England I have snow. You see that fly? That fly had birth here. He gave birth.

That's why there's so many fucking flies in here. That's your fucking fly that you brought in here. So figure it out. Or below us there's a dead body. Like in that place underneath. You gave birth? That's fucked up. But yeah.

And then she said, I'd rather deal with snow than deal with earthquakes. Just like for no reason to me. She lugs. Earthquakes aren't bad, but when you're pretty fucked up, that's a little worse. Was that really an earthquake? Yeah. We've had two of them, I think.

It must have been an aftershock. I think that was you shaking the fucking thing. It's all over Twitter. Does it say it? Yeah, there's been an earthquake on Twitter. Yeah. I'll tell you what, man. Oh, shit.

I fucking love it. It's 3.5. 3.5 earthquake and we survived it live on the church. That's how we roll. Who the fuck knew is going to be an earthquake? We do. We do. We do it.

one step ahead of the game, cock suckers. So why didn't we tell anybody? Because why would we waste that time? We look like fucking assholes. People would say, how do you know? Tell us. We didn't know, but we knew. That's what I'm trying to say, Lee.

We didn't know, but we knew. Why would we have a special edition Sunday night podcast for a main man, Red Band? If we know but we didn't know. You're fucking slipping, cucketka. I love that kind of logic. We're going to go eat tonight. I know you're starving. I know you're already thinking of a carneasada fries from that place on fucking morp.

No, I don't cheat here. You don't cheat here? I have turkey, you know, turkey breast. You're going to go home eat that boring turkey? What? How many days old is it? Like three. Oh, it stinks.

No, it doesn't? Yes, it does. It's got that little pre-come on it. Yeah. Yeah, three days, that's it. You got to stop and get some new turkey. Well, that's not going to happen right now. When you open it up, it's got the little gel, like bologna juice.

Like that. When you come in your helmet. Not in three days. Yeah. And it's on your helmet, like your helmet, like your helmet, like your helmet's slippery with your fingers. You ever had that? I've had that, but that. I've had it.

I have it right now. It lasts like three or four days. It lasts, but that thing grows on it. You have to eat turkey quick. That's why people buy cold cuts to eat that day. Because it's not that shit. Oh, there's been like eight of them. Forget it.

What are you scaring me for? I went outside, my fucking car tipped over. I got fucking. Maybe like the purse. Denzel Washington running down the street with a gun. I need this. I follow Denzel. Do you really?

Yeah. That's great. I feel like you get me home safer. I'm happy for you. I'm going to Mexico. Call him, call him, collect.

See if he'll bail you out. What's in the future for Red Band? What are you thinking? Focusing on comedy right now and trying to get everything back together. I've been doing a lot of home cast lately. You know, instead of podcasting as much, if I'm playing a video game or if I have a friend over cleaning or something like that,

we'll just do like a live stream where we're not. I'm even really paying attention to it. And people still like that shit. So it's, it's, you know, I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know, what, what should I put my fingers in right now while it's a baby and get my screen name? You know, because that's another thing that I've found that everyone has these podcasts now. Like, if you're the nerdist and a new program comes out tomorrow, you better make sure you get the nerdist on that program, right? The next Twitter, you want the next, you want your screen name.

So I'm constantly trying to figure out what's next. And I think it's weird that video games podcasts have blown up so much. People want to just watch people play video games nowadays and talk. Lee's been tormenting me to start playing video games. I just don't know what I'm doing. I've never played a video. Because we have this TV now, so we can just smoke them up. And you sit there and make money on that.

You can. You know, I recently have been webcam in, webcaming also like porn webcam. There's this website called chatter bait. No, you haven't. I swear to God. If you looked at my Twitter avatar last week, it was me as my character, which I have a wig on, have this little vest on with my hairy chest all sticking out. Don't want to hear about this.

People tip me. People online masturbating to him. Yeah, but I don't get naked. Like, I'll put lotion on my apples or I put some lipstick on or chapstick on to me, or I'll comb my hair slowly. I made the first night, and there was only like 40 people in there. I made $120. dollars.

But if makeup on. No, I said chapstick. I said chapstick. I just put chapstick in the little on my apples. But it's weird. So I've been doing that though because that's, you know, that killed porn. Chat webcam's killed porn. That's why porn is not as popular.

It's not porn stars anymore. Because now, like, this girl who has a full-time job in Alabama can get on her, you know, little webcam when she gets home and finger herself and make fucking $10,000. in three hours. Okay, I have a question. How many dollars is a token? You know, roughly, it's about a dollar, dollar, roughly. But the girl only gets like, uh, no, it's not, I'm sorry, 10 tokens are roughly about a dollar.

Oh, okay. But the girl only gets like half of that or whatever. But, but I know this one girl I was watching, she made $20,000 just in one hour, just people throwing it. Look at Jenna Jameson. She goes on there. It's like, bring ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. just tons of fucking money. She doesn't even do shit. She has to be there like blah or whatever she does. That's so creepy. It's like a virtual strip club. No. And so what I've been doing is the reason why I've

been doing this. I'm not just doing it because I'm a fucking creep. But I've been doing it just to see to figure it out because video gamers are now doing this. They have the same kind of format where they play games. You pay to subscribe to their channel. You could tip them, you know. And it's almost the same formula, but one is playing video games and one is this. So there's something to that where you're taking taking like the podcast but you can like have like you know a little bit more interactive I think and

I don't know I'm just fucking around I just don't want an excuse to I think they should take the list of the people who subscribe to those video game channels and like go check on them. Why? Why would you pay to watch somebody play video games and then give them a tip? Huh?

And then give them a tip? Because you know some people are fun like the hot girls playing video games is big where they're not naked. They're just cute girls playing video games. Or Kevin Pereira, I used to do a podcast Pointless with. He's now doing that where he's making money

and stuff because people just want to watch and they're happy that he's broadcasting and they can play video games. That's so creepy. It is. It is. So that's one of the biggest things I've been just fucking around with playing video games and all this stuff just to figure out if there's what's

there. I might get on video game land and fuck or show him how bad I am. It's getting chased by cause. Oh, I would love to get you on Grand Theft Auto, man. I mean, I'm building a little video game studio in my living room right now. I try to keep me out of trouble. But it's fun. I invite girls over.

We just smoke a lot of we play video games. And you have your voice in there. So you can be like, get the fuck over here. And you can reenact you robbing people and chasing cops and getting in helicopters. It's fun, dude. If you could figure it out, you would never leave the couch. There's no chance of that happened. That's not a bad idea

If there's promise and not leaving the house That might be in my future That's what I'm saying Fuck going on the road I'll fucking do which comedy shows in my closet That's right By myself I'm fucking 11 10, 10, 9

I don't give a fuck I think that could happen That's gonna happen That's gonna happen That's gonna happen I'm people who are talking about it right now There's a service right now But it just takes

Like the ice house You have to wire it It's got to be wide perfect The service goes down but they come in they charge the amount where it was the other company we met with remember they won a 50% they sent there a donation box not that was

Laster yeah Laptor yeah yeah they're done right Yeah both They get everybody fucking done those people It's a hard racket you gotta have a lot of people involved in doing it If you're gonna start that you have to have a comedy club That has that kind of like lap What's that club that Steve whatever

Hostelette was the name of the show On Friday and Saturday nights on Fox Yeah well that's what they're all scrambling to do right now. You know, the improv's building a studio. The comedy store just got internet there, you know, where we do Kill Tony. But they're building these little studios inside all these clubs

now, and that's like a part of a comedy club now. There's a podcast studio in it, you know, and it's amazing that part of it where, you know, these clubs are now broadcasting to people in Germany, you know, on some shows. So that's kind

is that you? Oh God, Jesus Christ. That was a big pound one. Oh, please. I got a fucking size 13. Must weigh 82 fucking pounds. Each foot I got. I got a gorilla foot that's dry with a fungi nail.

That thing is a fucking drum. Yeah. What don't you understand, Lisa? Why don't, why every comedy club doesn't have a podcast? And the week before, you'd call in and do the podcast, and that's what makes a great comedy podcast. Why don't you come on? When you're coming on Thursday, you do the podcast at three. And they buy lunch.

the podcast or everybody's talking. They talk about you and you sell the week. Well, most people don't listen live so that you want to do it a week out. No, you leave a Thursday and just like radio. You tape it Thursday and you release it Friday morning. People come to the show Friday and Saturday night.

Yeah, but the issue is people have a lot of podcasts. People listen to like 20, 30 podcasts. I think they used to. They're like a week behind. Do you think that's changed, though, Lee? I mean, because I look at, you know, people post all the time. They post like their screenshot of who they subscribe.

too on iTunes and they tag me or whatever and it used to be like a shit load of podcast on people's list nowadays it's like it seems like it's yeah two three well ones have died but like I didn't even listen to it yet but that serial thing just happened

with that happened with that case and people are getting into like economy podcasts they show you that one page people have 40 hours plus let's say at least two hours commute that's 50 hours a week of time to fill up And then, like, I was at the hotel in San Diego this weekend,

had a nice big TV on the wall, I had my iPad with Netflix. So they don't want to sit and watch commercials when they're in the hotel. They'll watch a video podcast. So it's just, it's, uh, I forgot, I forgot where I was going with it, but it's kind of crazy. I mean, look at these porn girls now. You know, the cam girls, they're doing live podcasts every single day.

And they're fucking themselves on cameras. But you watch half of them aren't even getting naked. They're just sitting there talking and people are tipping them money. Why can't that same formula be a podcast that we all love? Like if they're watching Jolie right now and there's people just like tipping and tipping. If you tip a certain amount, you get, you know, you get to eat another thing of weed, Lee. Or if you, you know, tip this amount, then we put their picture on the wall behind it for a week, you know. Well, the fuck up thing is people would do it.

Yeah. But I don't want people all the time email me. us donate button i don't no no but that's what i'm trying to figure out i'm trying to figure when i go to when i go to one of these webcam girls i tip girls on webcams and i want to it's not me feeling like oh i i i'm donating to them or stuff like i like no i want them i feel happy that i tip that to them and now they're happy like it's i need to find that formula for everybody and it's it's a weird it's a weird area where you have to you know look at video game podcast and and then porn podcasts and somehow put them together with podcasting.

And I don't know. It's interesting to me. It's been a tremendous fucking journey, this podcast thing. And Lee asked a bunch, you know, this is the first time Lee came down for the weekend and we had some time to just chat. We, you know, we talked about comedy with James and the green room. That was really cool. And we spoke about just the future and what he thought and what we've learned, you know,

the marketing. Like in the four years I've been doing a podcast, I got my degree in fucking marketing. I mean like this is this is it we're real we're fucking college educated podcasters that's it this is four years this is what they and this isn't getting logic or learning theory this is hands down doing it things blowing up cameras fucking up you know this has been great this has been a great journey and like I said I never when I did this as you know I was I was ready to start selling cars I just wanted to do this as a shot let's see what we got this is great you could talk for two hours three hours. Then, like I said, Foco started making money. Corolla. I was Foko. That was the beginning of the end for everybody. Everybody got greedy.

Everybody was saying, well, this guy's making this. This guy's making this. So who the fuck doesn't want to make money to do this? And again, you know, we've had sponsors, contact us and stuff. I like the sponsors we have. Two or three of them were just independent people that we've had on our own. The rest of them are through a company. Two of them are through a company.

we don't even want the company once they're the biggest fucking pain in the ass we just had somebody gonna give us a ton of loot but it was two hours of work afterward that they don't need it's all bullshit it's just they're paying you so they want you to do it

just so they have URLs and I don't need Lee here for two hours after the podcast it's over to send you I don't want the podcast to sound like a billboard you know I don't mind helping some people so to me I'm mid-range still. If I didn't have Lee, I wouldn't want money involved in this thing.

It'd be like open mics for me if I didn't have Lee. If I knew how to do this and Lee fucking wanted to open up his own podcast store, I wouldn't care about sponsors. I just do what I'm doing now and I'd be happy without the fucking bureaucracy and the bullshit. And the checks being laid and they wrote it to my fucking name of the podcast last month. We were doing business for two years. They wrote the checks to the name of the podcast. last, you know, shit like that.

Yeah, I keep on getting my name's not really Red Band, it's Reichel. And then when they book my flights, they put under Red Band, I'm going, you know, there's my passport. I know it says a totally different last name. It's such a pain in the eyes where they write you a check

with Red Band. Like, how am I going to cash that? Red Band's a fake name. Yeah, it's annoying, right? At least they're writing your fucking checks, my brother. What do you think, Cucksucker? Yeah, and the same way? He's going to sit there thinking about the turtles tonight. What episode are you going to watch?

And I got pistachio fucking jello so you can watch it. Oh, what's pistachio jello? Oh, it's delicious. That sounds great. Pistachio jello. First time I taste a pistachio pudding. Pudding was in prison. It was fucking delicious with little pistachios in it.

Sometimes they got it. Even at the frozen yogurt shops, they got them. Yeah. I get the pistachio ice cream. I love it. When it's green and, ugh. Some places have it. Baskin robins.

That's where I'm sure. It's the only place I really have. Let's get the fuck out of here as usual for optimum optimization. What is it, Lee? Optimum optimization. Optimization. You know where the fucking party starts. On it, bitches.

The best products out there if you want to fucking make it happen. It starts with Alpha Brain. Money back guarantee. They don't even want the fucking product. Look at that bicep right there. You kidding me? That's straight up fucking Shroom Tech sport and Shroom Tech immune. I mean, listen, I was on that way.

I'm waiting for a shipment now. The tea stuff. I'm waiting for the coconut oil to put in my smoothies. I'm waiting for some more to have protein to start making some nice two scoops, 32 grams of protein. Your body can only burn fucking 30 at one shot. Why am I drinking 82 fucking grams of protein? Audit has some sensational stuff.

And if you know anything about Aubrey, this guy is top-notch. He's fucking going in jungles, taking acid. He's doing it all to bring you the best. best fucking products. All right. Go to honor.com. Go to the web page. Honor.com.

They got the supplement page. They got the nutrient page. See what the fuck you like. I can't help you with battle ropes and accessories, but I can help you with the nutrients. Go to the box and press in. Church. Boom!

Get 10% off your first order. And if you like it, get on the stay-out program where they send them to your house every month on the first of the month. All right. Now that we're talking fucking apples and oranges to get down with basics,

Iron Dragon TV. You're sitting there at home. There ain't nothing on. TV tonight. What the fuck you're going to do? Sit down like a Jamok. Tell you what you're going to do. You're going to start watching fucking classic kung fu films. Go to Iron Dragon TV right now. They have a tremendous selection

of classic films. They got on their tutorials. They got Joe Rogan talking about kettlebells and fucking Egyptians. They got everything on there. What's this called? This sounds awesome. Iron Dragon TV. Go to Iron Dragon TV right now and press in. Joey. Boom! And get two free

rentals on the fucking arm to get your party started. Mope around. They got great Titman. They got the Hitman series. They got everybody on there. Tai Chi Hero. And they got new titles. And like Lee said in the beginning of the podcast,

the innovators and 4K technology. So all that movies are going to be fucking crisp. All right. Go to Iron Dragon TV right now and press in. Joey. Boom! And get two free movies. You're saying, Joey, I got movies and I got supplements.

What have you done to me lately? This is what I've done for you lately, cock sucker. Let's say you got some wax. Shut up, bitch. Let's say you got some. wax, you got a ball of heroin you want to burn, go to Nailtitlife.com. They got a crack of lacquered over to the best

vapor pen on the fucking market. And today only you get 20% off delivered to your house. Go to NailtelitLife.com for all your dab surprise. The stick to put the fucking grenade on the thing, the cleaner. Go right now to NailatLife.com. Look at the selection

they got. If you go with the vapor pen, we're going to give you 20% off. What are they pressed in the box? Joey Diaz. Boom! 20% off delivered right to your fucking house. That's how we roll. And you're going, Joey, but I got no cigarettes. You don't need no fucking cigarette, bitch. This is what you need.

Hitty Sigs. Guaranteed 1,200 pups. Whether you've got the cigar or the cigarette from 24 milligrams to zero. That's how they roll backwards like the ape. You understand me? Remember the fucking ape? He turned into a man. That's what happens.

Go to Hittyss.com right now. Look at the selection. Look at the flavors they got. Take a look at this fucking cigar. It tastes like I'm in Cuba right now. No, just sitting there getting fucking sun on my face. That's how I wrote. It's yoso.

Go to Hitties6.com right now and press in. Joey's Church. Boom, Joey's Church and get what, Lee? 20% off. 20% off. I got you 20% off on Hitties 6th. 20% off I nailed it life. I got your two free movies,

Mind Dragon TV, and I got 10% of honor. Are you fucking kidding me? It's not even Passover. I'm giving you percentages off. That's how I wrote, Coxsuffeck's. Passover just ended. I know, Lee. That's what I'm saying.

Cogsuckuck. It's not even Passover. Thank you, Red Man, for coming on. One of the forefathers of podcasting. It's a shame. I hope you get it together and just tell these motherfuckers up front. You've got to sign a contract, and that's it. And then if you leave, you got to say, you like a sprint.

You want $2.50 on the way out. I'll be good. You know, the bigger thing is that just getting everything focused and taking a little break. And that's what I just did. So I'll get it back. You're going to be in Vancouver next Monday, Vancouver. 420 like a motherfucker. 420, yeah. We're going to be with

Tony Hinchcliff. We were there last 420, and they have this huge 420 festival where there's kids are throwing out weed and people are that cops just like once a year ago. Okay, everyone can just smoke and sell weed right here. And it's like a humongous party. And then at night we do a comedy show right down the street. So it's going to be

great. It's better than you doing. Just got a dot TV, click on tour dates. That's why I love you and shit. Me, I'm going to be in Houston, Texas, Friday and Saturday four shows. I don't know. 39 I don't know what fucking time call down there 713 333 8800 or something like that'll go on the

webpage get fucking tickets and next week I'm into Tempe Improv in Tempe, Arizona so don't forget about me bitches all right I love you guys stay black see you Tuesday we'll be here with an all new fucking tremendous podcast for you thank you. Late

What late? What are you looking at me all week What's up? Were they real earthquakes? Yes And I have a new flangee radio coming out this week on Wednesday I go to onit.com and use code board church to get 10% off

go to iron dragon tv.com and use code or joey to get two free rentals of all the great martial art movies go to hit e-sigs.com better tasting longer lasting the proof is in the vape use code word joey's church to get 20% off your order and for all the oil and wax smokers out there go to nail the life.com and use code word joey d'i diaz to get 20% off.