The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #281 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: May 12, 2015

 Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio testing out the new Auntie Dolores edible line   This podcast is brought to you by:  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  My Skin Is My Sin - Ice Cube I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Gimme Shelter - The Rolling Stones Recorded on 05/11/2015

This show is brought to you by Onit.com. Go to Onit.com and use Code Word Church to get 10% off of all the great optimization products, like Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shrmutec Immune, Shrmtec Sport, Strongbone, it's Code Word Church to get 10% off. Show is also brought to you by NailedItLife.com and Los Gumi's Hermanos. When you go to NailedatLife.com, you're going to get the premier vapor pen on the market for oil and wax smokers, and you're going to get 20% off when you use co-word Joey Diaz. go to iron dragon tv.com

and he's co-word Joey to get two free rentals of all their great martial arts movies they're the leader in 4K technology and they're coming out soon with an app for your Android tablets use cobert Joey to get two free rentals and the show is also brought to you by hitesigs.com better tasting longer lasting

the proof is in the vape they have e-cigarettes and e-cigars for you use co-word joey's church to get 20% off your order You better break your shit What? Oh shit. Oh shit. Frank this motherfucker Lee Syrac.

There's the microphone. Please, wake it up. The microphone. Where is it? This motherfucker on. I don't hear it. Check. Two, you bad motherfuckers.

The church are what's happening now. Huh. Oh shit. May 11th, motherfuckers. Half old when you're still dicking around. Get you hide in a spike lead joint. What? What?

What? What? What? You think of that, Lee? What? You like it? Fuck, yeah, you like the move. Wait a thing to do.

What? Kick it. And I'm blacker seraphina. Get the hell out of the ballia. We didn't call ya. Kick it. Kick it. Kick it.

Get it. And Jimmy Cochlin. Damn, I couldn't get close enough to sock them. I plead you to your honor. Because I've just to poke more time. Dish and A. What? What?

Cool. Like button in. Watch your fucking feet, cock suckers. It's gonna be a good week. Gotta make some geetis memorial day. You wanna get your dick sucked on the beach. Here it is. That's ready to stop me.

They think I'm Gaddafi. Rolling in a six straight to a rapi. They wanna give me 10 in the pen in the pen. What you think of that, cossuckers? Welcome to the church of what's happening now. You bad motherfuckers, no long time, no ablo. What's up? My favorite fucking Jewish person in the world.

world. Everything's up. Everything's what. What's up? Nothing. I had to go. Just had a great weekend. What'd you do?

You went with Mama. Yeah, we didn't do shit. When she tells you that she's not going to see you and then you see you're like a rejuvenated man. You're fucking hitting lunches. You know, brown rice and fucking chicken. Oh, that's really good at Asian box. But no, she finished her second year on Saturday.

So we ordered a pizza and we got high and we fucking ate a dessert and just hung out, watched three hours of Shark Tank and passed up. I had cinnamon rolls. I had those pilsberry cinnamon rolls. Did you make them fresh? Oh, yeah. In the oven. Oh, yeah, you have to.

And you got extra cream and smearing up those motherfuckers. Not extra cream, but just, yeah. Just a shitty cream they give you. Why do you get extra cream from? Because you want it to, don't worry. You got to make a few calls to cry. What the fucking makes me? You joke that, like, my sweat smells like cheeseburgers, but on the elliptical today,

I'm convinced I was burning like a McDonald's cheeseburger off. From a long time ago? Because it smelled like a cheeseburger, but you know when the pickles and the ketchup get hot and it like has it all I was convevile I was only elliptical like why do I smell like a McDouble you could smell the oh I could come on you can smell the pickle juice coming out of the pickle and ketchup yeah that's amazing this motherfucker smelt when was the last time you ate McDonald's over six months ago so it's been in you you just caught like a little piece of fat on the armpit that had the fucking pickle in there I think so

yeah tremendous man I'm happy that everything's working out you had a great weekend I was in fucking Grand Rapids great club great audiences the food at this place they got a Salmon. They got a beautiful salmon on a bed of tortellini with green peppers, red peppers, little goat cheese cream that will put you in a different dimensionally. A little bit of tortellini, too. I love tortellini. You know it like tortellini.

No, it's a little potato in it, and they're fucking just delicious. You understand me? Just off the fucking chain delicious. The shows were great. I thought my Thursday show was Men's Immort, but it was good. Friday, my best show was Saturday early, Friday late day, crazy. I'm crazy. The timing's off.

but fuck it would make it work you know but i had a great time that's a great little city that is a great great little city how about you know i'm really happy because the places i go to i really want to go to and i really enjoy them there's maybe one or two things you know we i don't even eat in these cities no more what do you mean you like like you know i don't know i think the last time i went to buffalo i only had three wings yeah like at the club one night you know i just really don't like i've been there so many times i see it remember i was telling you that i had the chubby state of mind mentality think of as food. Like some people think, oh my God, when I go to this place, the first thing I'm going to go is go to this library or go to this museum. I like it. There's a coffee shop

that makes my latte. You know, guys like you and I think about, fuck, there's a place on the corner and make barbecue. I'm going to go have two fucking barbecue sandwiches. I'm going to try to go home for like a weekend this summer to Boston and have my mom and I already planning what I'm going to eat. What are you going to eat? We're going to go to Legals, which is one of my favorites. And then there's a really great barbecue place where I used to go when I was in high school that I'm gonna go to. And that's, and then it's, uh, it's crazy how much I never like, Mother's Day is great, but I wanted to talk to you about it because Paula's mom is like the first mom of any girlfriend that I've been like tight with. And like yesterday I gave her a card and we're

going to a Dodgers game on Thursday. Um, and she got really like she got really emotional. We, and we can't really talk because she doesn't speak English. But like I can imagine Mother's Day for you like after your mom. mom passed away must have been fucked up but then you probably had other people who took that place yeah like yesterday even though I was having a fucked up day I made some calls from mother's day yeah people who uh were nice to me growing up and they got a kick out of the call but it's funny every mother's day yes I think about my mother but I also think about the mother to my ex-wife you know she was real I so that's why I understand where you're coming from

yeah I was thinking about a fight we had one time. That could have really been bad. You know, I don't believe in setting a crib up until the baby's born. It's just a superstition that Cubans have, maybe a couple of other cultures have them just fucking superstitious. Like you think something bad could happen? Once the baby's born, then you build a crib. He's not going to be home for two fucking days anyway. You come home, you build the crib. It takes one fucking hour. No, that's the only beef we ever had her and I. We had a beef about a crib one time that escalated a little bit, and I walked out of the room because I didn't want to blow it up. But my mother-in-law,

was very cool. When I got my first job selling cars, I didn't have clothes, she gave me her visa card and said, go use it and just pay me what you can every week. And I paid off like 600 bucks. I had to get a couple suits and some shirts. She used to cook special for me. She knew I like Paragis, the sauerkrapt ones. So that's, it's, you know, growing up, you always hear people, comedians and people, TV, the comedies towards the mother-in-law. You hate the mother-in-law. You hate the mother-in-law. You hate the mother-in-law. But once you have a mother-in-law, you mother-in-law. See to me, like even Terry's mother. Terry's mother and I are close to an extent, but I know when I'm with Terry's mother, I know that she likes me because she looks at a

daughter and she sees a smile on her face. Right. See, that's why this woman loves you because you're making her daughter happy. You're acting like a gentleman in her fucking home. You show respect in her home. A lot of guys just, you know, yeah, guys do it, but it's, it's weird to date somebody and it's weird to date somebody and become a part of their family. It's a complete different experience, especially when you're a young man and you, you know, you always have thoughts about living with somebody. Like the first time I moved in with a woman, that was big for me. Oh yeah, I'm just don't have it. Like I was 25. It was like a different thing. You try to keep cool, but there's nothing you could do. It's just an evolution. You just evolve into a girl being in your

house. Now you live with guys and now you have this woman who lives with you and you try to do things and you become best friends with it or you don't. But it always evolves, you know, but that relationship with your in-laws, I still remember my ex-in-law dad. He really dug me. Him and I had become a great relationship. He was a pseudo-father to me in a different genre.

Carmine was a father to me. Mr. Bender was a father to me, you know. Mr. Runny was a father to me. Mr. Holloway was a father to me, but he was a different father to me in a different genre. He didn't have that mindset. He made me read books. He spoke to me about history.

When I got arrested for kidnapping, he came and bailed me out and spoke to me and asked me what happened and to tell him the truth. And I told him the truth. And it was weird because I had dated his daughter for four years and we were always on a very 50-50 type relationship. And once I got arrested, he showed his true colors to me and I could show my true colors to him. And it really changed our relationship. I would go up there on the weekend and help him cut wood and we'd speak about his life and history and what my thoughts were. was going to achieve the things I wanted.

And sometimes I think that the only reason why I didn't go off and bolder was because of him. I didn't want to disrespect him and his wife who had they had done for me. Because even though many of his daughter went together, they did a lot for me, man. I always respected that of people and somebody does something. I never wanted them to feel like I used them. Right. That was always very important to me. If you've been used, you know the feeling.

It's a shitty feeling. And you never look at that person again who uses you, you know. Right. So I always wanted to give people, let them know that what they contributed to my life, I took into consideration in my future decision. That's why I made those calls to some of my friends' moms yesterday. And, like, Paula's mom has been broke forever. Oh, how I?

And so, like, I got her a card, and I went to poros and got her favorite cake. And I could tell that that meant. more to her than if I had, like, let's say, like, let's say when I bought her, like, diamond earrings or just something I'm sure some guys do. And, like, you wouldn't cut wood with your father-in-law. You probably could have paid. He had three sons. Yeah.

And his sons overlooked that fact. Right. You know, maybe your mother-in-law has other boys, two other sons, and one of them couldn't show up because he went to the wife's house. Yeah. It's, and that's what probably happened. Yeah. I don't even know this.

it's really weird when and I see the chains that Paula and her family has had on you they've had a really great effect on you in the sense that it's brought you back to basics it was the same effect that I had when I was growing up and I used to go to 148th Street you see how the other side lives sometimes you have a bad day

and you die and all of a sudden you think about Paula how they didn't have an air conditioner they don't even know what that world is like they just didn't have air conditioning They had fans. Spanish people. They had fans. And they still don't even turn the AC on,

but at least they have it now. They don't even think about it. They live so long without it. Right. That they've learned how to adjust. And when you see that, you see how spoiled we are as people. I've always talked about that.

When you see a woman at 10 o'clock, you know, pull up with her range rover, and I just left yoga. My day is so stressful. You know, I dropped the kids off. No, you didn't. The nanny dropped the kids off. You went to yoga.

with your range rover and now you went to Latteville to tell them all what a big day you have but what about that lady that's taking care of your fucking kids all day what about the Spanish woman that like I told you a thousand times I'm victory and violent by the fucking target over there it's walking across the street pregnant with a kid in the bucket and one in the fucking hand growing across fucking violent with 10 shopping bags

you think she walks around saying my feet hurt yoga no fuck no so it makes you humble and makes you see what people can do and how the other side lives. And the things that you thought were just impossible and now you see it. You never dreamt to living with four people in your fucking bedroom.

Never. Never. When I was growing up, when my mother died, the thought of having to share a bedroom was incomprehensible to me. Like it was incomprehensible. But that death brought me back. Eleanor's got a great joke.

She says that special. She says that rich people, you know, poor people don't have food allergies. Yeah. You know, poor people do not have food allergies, okay? You think you go over there and one of those kids are allergic to peanuts, the cheese, juice, they just don't. You really see how the other half lives.

You see what you can live without. This is what happened when my mother died. This is when I said to you, like, I always saw what I could do without. That's why I'm the way I am. Like, I always thought you had to be there at midnight to watch the movie. What if you missed it? You wake up.

the next morning, life is still the same. And you see life from a different perspective because you weren't part of a sheep fucking movement. It's really weird to say no one to go against something you really want to do. But when you do it, you see the other side. You see how the other side lives. You always realize what's important now.

Holy shit, I see what's fucking important. And what I found at least... Listen, hold on one second. We're going to try right now. Auntie Dolores sent us to new packaging today. She sent us cocoa cookies She sent us Carmel corn

This is the new packaging And she sent us Savory Pettles As you know Anthony Dolores is the leader You know In vegan sugar-free Snacks

She's the leader in death She also sent us 30 milligram medible That we'll eat right now Let's have the caramel corn What are you going to take there? Oh you want to do the brownie? Okay

Oh That's a little brownish bread That's going to be be very special. Just myself and Lee. So we're going to have a little fucking smorgish board here tonight. And just talk some shit with you people.

You know what I'm saying? Just very simple about what's going on. We've had Regan in here and the football play. Every once in a while, we just want to talk shit and you guys just to tap into our conversation and see what the fuck we're feeling and what we're doing. I'm sorry, Lee to interrupt you. No, it's okay.

I'm just thinking I'm glad I Uber. Oh. So you were just saying, like, well, you realize you can live without. I used to go every year to my my friend, my dad's friend's Christmas party, and they're super rich, and they had someone dressed up as Santa, and they

had all this gifts and all that sort of stuff, and it was always fun. The best Christmas I've ever had was the first year, the first Christmas with Paula and her mom. It was me, her, her mom, and her cousin. We need gifts. We did food and tamales.

And then we got drunk and played loteria. and they're like in their house in Englewood and it was great like it's just it's simple yeah it's simple there's no uh fakeness there's no you know they they i like christmas i tell you one of the best christmas i had was my christmas in prison it was the best christmas i ever had because it broke it down to the simplest of what christmas was you know that we exchanged gifts yeah i gave one guy a comb i gave the other guy like fucking batteries you know But it was about food. It was about guys being together locked up and making the best of what they had.

And when you do that sometimes, it's a different holiday. It adds a different fucking twist to everything. You know, I've always been a spokesman against weddings. That's not that I hate marriages and whatever. I just don't, at a point, it becomes like you're getting married for somebody else. Oh, yeah, totally. I want you to get married for you. When I got married the first time, I got married for me, but it was for her parents.

When I got married to Terry, it was about us. It was about what we wanted, how we wanted to do it, you know, what we wanted people to wear, which was regular shit. We did it on a Wednesday. It was a wedding. Did anybody, did you get any shit? Like, how could you not be doing this or how? People know better than to say something to me about somebody. With you, they don't care.

You know? Yeah. I'll break it down for you. Everybody's here on Wednesday. Everybody's here. What's the busiest night in the college town in any town? Friday, no, the night before Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah.

Everybody goes, everybody wears their nice shirts, they're home from college. College is great. Where are you going to school? I took the semester off, oh, yeah, what, and they make you feel bad? Biggest night of the fucking year, Thanksgiving. Biggest night of the fucking year, you know?

So that's why. Oh, is that when you did it? What's that? The wedding, your wedding. Yeah, I did it. The night before Thanksgiving. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Did it on Wilshire in a little office building,

and once you open, it looks like a fucking church. Filipinos and immigrants get married in there. Little pre-shows up. We took the third floor, penthouse suite. If you were over 6'2, you banged your head on the ceiling. But you had a great time.

Like, I've seen my pictures. Mike Kessler walked my wife down, you know, it was red band and Ari with a suit. Ari wore a suit and gave me a present. And we got married, and we went and we raced up to the Hollywood Bowl, and we got fucking white rice, black beans and pork chunks from silver

Lake-o-Coconito and we got pastrami sandwiches from Langa's with a bunch of rye bread and then we got fucking fried chicken from Rouse and we got sodas and we bought a bunch of booze you can make your own drink and that's it I didn't care what you wore I didn't care who you brought my wife made a wedding cake overnight she stayed up all night making it my wife got high she put a dress on I put a suit on and we got married her parents didn't show my family didn't come it was and I didn't care I understand. I'm not there to get married for people.

I'm there to get married for myself. I never held a grudge against people. Lebe didn't go. A lot of people, Ralphie, didn't go. They were working. I got it. I wasn't, man. I had to do it that day.

I didn't want to do it on the Saturday and, you know, make a big to do-do. I just wanted to fucking get married. And look, we're still together. We're going to go on 15 years. I love them more than ever. I didn't get married. I remember years ago, the black chick from the view got married to some fucking black dude. And they fucking had Chris Rock there.

The chubby black girl. What's her name? Sherry Sheppard. No, the one before Sherry Sheppard. I'll look it up. Okay, she got married. She lost a lot of weight and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and ba, and ba, blah, blah, blah. And the guy fucks him fucking, whatever.

The chick from, whatever, desperate housewives. They had a $10 million wedding with the basketball player from the Spurs, the fucking black guy that lost his edge. And all of a sudden, they got married, everybody loved each other, and what happened? Boom, he fucked the housekeeper. You know, a guy, listen, all that shit is to entangle glasses and for your friends to come and say it was elegant. At the end of the day, nobody gives a fuck. They're all there for the fucking free meal.

So, and to be seen and to be heard, that's why that celebrity shit is bullshit to me. Every time I see a celebrity get married, it's garbage. It's like, you know, I love him, and you don't even love yourself. You're fake. You don't even write your own fucking lines, you piece of shit. You expect to fucking love somebody.

Get the fuck out of here. What's up, Lisa? I said you bad motherfucker you. This brownie hit hard. Right away. I don't know if it's a Green Hornet or what. We don't fuck around them. We also have it.

We're going to do a little caramel corn and sample that. Okay. The caramel corn is delicious. We're going to do one of these fucking black mambos, the cocoa spark. And listen, people know I really don't. I usually don't like brownies. Like anything with chocolate with weed, it's usually not my favorite. That is the brownies, I almost couldn't taste the weed.

You can still taste weed. I can tell on your face that you didn't fucking sour and puckered up. And what another thing, Lee, and let these people know, whether it's anarchy edibles, Cheeba Chooze, or Ante-Dalores. They have always been my go-to-edibles. I mean, I just discovered anarchy edibles and I think they're brilliant. Like, I still got the star there. We ate all their fucking edibles.

Great product. I like who runs. I love his story. Well, the thing that you taught me is you really have to switch it up because I don't know how many milligrams that Brony was. It's less than the star. Yes. But since I haven't had anything like that for a while, it's hitting me fucking hard.

Well, it's a different batch. It's a different batch. When you eat Chebichu, they have that type of butter. I guess when you eat their stuff, they have that type of butter. You go on rotations, dude. Sure, because you don't ever want to. It's like working out. You want to run one week.

You want to do kettlebells one week. You want to bodybuild one week. You want to go to Jiu-Jitsu one week. You always keep it up. So your muscles are always, I swam on Friday, Lee. I went to the fucking thing. I put my fucking lifting suit on. And I went downstairs, and as I walked down, the pool was empty.

I knew that Saturday, the pool was going to be filled with fucking kids. I went upstairs. I went in my little, you two. where I got an extra sleep apnea. I get everything like sugars, you know, those cancer sugars. You save sugars? I have to just in case I go to a hotel room and I make coffee and they got no fucking sugar. So I have everything in there.

Okay, I got everything fucking in there. I went upstairs. I got the goggles. I ran down. I jumped in the pool. Lee, I was doing laps, breaststroke and kicking on the way in and then just pulling myself on the way back. I would do that five times and then walk around the pool or run around the pool and

throw sidekicks. And the pool was four foot six. so it was from my fucking chest down. I did that for half hour. I'm not going to let nobody. I stayed in the pool for a half hour and I stayed in the jacuzzi for like 20 minutes. You can do five back and forth?

Yeah. That's hard. But I know how to breathe. I learned how to breathe with swimming. The first two times I did, I almost drowned. I don't remember the last mess with. Because we have to suck in and breathe when your head goes in. When you do a breaststroke, when you do this one coming around,

you twist your head on this arm. Yeah. And you breathe in. And as you throw that arm, you breathe in. You breathe out. So when you pop up again, you're breathing out. You have to breathe out when you hit the water. You breathe out in the water.

You exhale. Oh. So right here, and as you hit, it's all time. It's a beautiful thing. Swimming is a beautiful thing. When you see those guys fucking doing the butterfly, me neither. But when you see them doing the butterfly, when they're on the way up, they're inhaling. When they hit the water, they exhale.

When they pop out, they inhale. They can't breathe under the water. So you might as well exhale it and use that power. You know, you have to put your feet. fingers together to grab. So all those little intricate things when you do a little breath, because I can't do a regular

breaststroke anymore because of my shoulders, but I could do the pull from the bottom. If I had the pulleys, I would put those between my legs, then you float, and that gets your core. You just fucking pull. Your shoulders get strong. It loosens everything up in here. You don't need no 20 massages. It's a Chinese woman. Obviously, I don't know much about

toning, but I've heard like that swimming is the best thing for, like, building muscle. Well, the problem with swimming is that it's a great exercise. You burn a lot of calories while you're in the water and you burn a great cardio. But when you get out of the pool, that's it. It doesn't stay with you the rest of the day as if weightlifting wood or running water. When you run or you weightlift, those calories burn throughout the day. The elliptical, those calories burn throughout the day. That's when you want to go early and eat your carbs for the day early and it gets it out of the way.

By the way, I'm down to 305. Nice job, buddy. 20 fucking pounds on this little fucking diet. Somebody sent me another thing about the operation That after nine years, you start losing your teeth Because your body doesn't get the nutrients that it has to You have to constantly drink milkshakes of milk and protein and this and that And get suns So I think I'm gonna stick with what I'm doing right now

It's working for me. I feel fucking great. I deadlifted today. I did all my up or lower end. I did the elliptical Today I sweat like a fucking sandwich. It's very humid in Los Angeles. Yeah What's up? What are you looking at me like that for? Because I'm fucking high as fuck already. Fuck, yeah. That's what we're supposed to be. That's what we do to church of what's fucking happening now.

What else? I had a fucked up thing happen on Friday. What happened to my boy, Lisa? I had ordered flowers from my mom to be delivered Saturday. And like 9 o'clock, I even told Paul, it's like, my flowers, they haven't been, I don't have a tracking number yet. And I thought maybe since it was in Miami, they were going to just overnight it and deliver it that day.

But at midnight, at midnight, I got an email. So it's 3 a.m. their time saying that they weren't going to be able to get it out and they refunded it and they're sorry. So I go crazy on Twitter and then I just ordered flowers. What I'm going to do from now on is just order flowers from a local florist. The youth of America, I told you before the podcast started. You guys jump on this shit.

That's cute. But at the end of the day, how effective really is it? I got to stop and press a button just to do, like I told me, Uber, you go outside and lift your hand. The cab shows up. But you motherfuckers want to make everything complicated. Lee's a great kid. He's great.

But Lee loves that fucking computer. He loves anything. And God forbid, they're on Shark Tank. And they don't get money. Lee really goes with them. So. Well, I used them the first time because they were sponsoring

a podcast. Right. But, um, yeah. And they slipped. They slipped. And they fucking slipped. And they fucked up the flowers.

Right. They got in too deep. Probably. They got in too deep. See, a lot of those services, what they do is they don't have shops. They call Lee in Boston.

They go, you're all quick florist. Yes, or you are. You have a three-star rating on Yelp. This is what we do. We're a company. We're going to come to you every month. We're going to give you 50% more business,

but we want you to discount our flowers by 25%. And what we're going to do is we're going to keep 15. And since it's going to be 10% off or 15% off, we're going to sell more flowers than you are. What do you think? Can you do that? It's like people with that shit now, when you want a ticket to a show.

Where do you go, Groupon, or whatever the fuck you do? Same thing. Yeah. So you go to them, correct? This is what you did with the flowers. But that's all great and dandy. That's the service they create. So when you call them, all they're doing is shooting a fucking email to one of their senders.

Right. Saying can you send this? It could be a mom and pop fucking florist. The same florist you're going to use in your neighborhood. Right. That if you call them. But the florist gives attention to his business first because his business, he gets top dollar. Of course.

He's cutting 15% off his services for his jack off. So who do you follow me? Right, yeah. Comprehende? No, and then the only reason I bring it up is because I got an email this morning from the CEO or someone who said he was his CEO. And it was through their website and he said, he said, like, I'm sorry. Maybe I could come on the podcast and you could give me the, like, you could give me shit and I could explain what happened. And I don't like, I don't know how he found that.

And then, because yesterday I tweeted when you're having your issue, I tweeted like, Bookes is the American Airlines of Flower Delivery or something like that. He said the Boots line hurt a little bit, but it made me laugh. And I was like, what is happening? Like, did he really think he's going to come on here and like... FTT gives you points on your flowers. If you use FD, you get points on fucking virgin and... You understand me? If you use Hertz, you get...

It's the same fucking thing. Right. FTT has been around since I was a kid. And they're solid. Like the Rock of Gibraltar, like Western Union. I thought I was supposed to go local. Local is FPD. They're going to do the same.

FTD does the same thing I told you. That guy does. only they've been doing it for 900 fucking years. The guy with the torch with flowers in his hand running through the fucking jungle delivering your flowers. He's been around since I was a little fucking boy, okay? The issue with me yesterday was basically this. I fly for a living, ladies and gentlemen.

And I've been flying since the age of fucking six or seven. I used to go to L.A. on Easter. I used to go to Puerto Rico and Miami on Pan American. And, you know, in the old days, guys, it was about comfort and service. You got on a plane, and if you had a coach ticket, you could buy an extension and go upstairs. Every plane had an upstairs.

This is why when you look at a plane now, they're like, what the fuck happened? You just sit there. 20 years ago, you got on a plane, and you went upstairs once the seatbelt sign came on, and you bought drinks at a bar, and there was a guy playing a piano. Did you know that?

No. And you could buy snacks. Every flight? Every flight. Every flight and mingle on flights. That'd be nice. Did you know that? Did you know that bathrooms in first?

class and other bathrooms had stuff in it like creams that you could use and tapes. It was just a different world. They don't have that in your first class? They gave a fuck about the consumer. They gave a fuck about, you know, they didn't waste your time. Every week on Facebook or on the news, I got to see about a plane that got left on the tarmac for five fucking hours and people ran out of food with no heat, air on, and people farting.

I got up yesterday to pee, in the middle of the plane smelled like an animal. And I'm not saying this. It smelled like somebody had taken their first. to feed off, somebody to shit their pants, somebody had armpitted, and it was all together in the middle, like, from aisle 9 to like aisle 16, it was one of the worst odors I've ever smell in my life. Hopefully it wasn't one person. No, I don't think so. I think it was a conglomeration of stinky fucks. You know, today we don't care about nothing. The corporate structure has taken customer relation and they passed a buck. This society is used to it, but guys like myself,

50-year-olds and 40-year-olds are not used to that. Yesterday in front of me, a 40-year-old was telling her daughter about what it was to fly 20, 30 years ago. But not just flying. Our whole complete corporate structure when you call the phone person, you spoke to a phone person. Today, a friend of mine called me and said, I'm going to bind. Can you send this money there for me and I'll send it to you tonight right back?

So it's in there. I said, sure. I called Western Union. I couldn't speak to nobody. They kept messing up the automated thing. Oh, yeah, they always myself. I just sent it to them on PayPal. I had to put money in my PayPal and send it to him.

So my whole thing is, I thought the fucking thing was going on. You know, this whole corporate thing, it's a past-the-buck type of society we live on. And everything is very time-consuming to the consumer. I think, like, all the corporations have gotten together and said, listen, let's do this. Every time somebody calls you, it's a 30, 40-minute phone call.

You know, because they're like that. They just say, fuck it gets frustrated. and get off the phone and hang the fuck up that's what most people do I'm busy so are you I was on the phone once for an hour and a half with AT&T when I tried to get internet with them an hour and a half and then some people are

charging now for you to do stuff on the phone like let's say most airlines most airlines if you like some online you get dirt can you turn the air on it is hot tonight it's humid and we're about to taste something else we're about to take the caramel corn now every 15 minutes we'll take something today until one man passes out.

It's going to be me. No, I'll be fine. Place your bits. I get 10%. You're as tough as fucking nails lately. You've been putting down some numbers lately. You're not eating 30 milligrams no more. You're opening up with 30 fucking milligrams.

That's what it's all about consistency. I was a very nice thing that Higa Machado said. I really thought about his statement about consistency, and it really is true. I could only go to jihitsu twice a week. But I go to jiu-jitsu twice a week. And I'd say it. And I keep, you know, it's like the podcast.

We keep this every Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. That's how we fucking do it. And that's so fucking important in life. And to me, that's a great compliment. I love all that shit. Yeah, I saw your eyes light up because you've said that a bunch about yourself. I love it. You have to be.

This is the only way to move forward is to let them know you're going to be there at that place, at that time every fucking week for them. And I wanted to talk to you about it because I was thinking about a lot this weekend. I have to go down and take a class. Like, there's no way it'd be like if, fucking, I don't know, Larry Bird was like, hey, you want to come, I can tell you some, how to shoot a basketball?

I think we, I can give you basketball shoes. I think your life is going to change. I don't know if I'm going to do it forever, but I could at least try it. Let me tell you some. I think the gap, the little thing that's missing in your heart is some camaraderie thing. You have this and you have Paula and you talk to Steve Simone and you talk to me and you talk to Diagastino. You talk about one fucking thing, ten things with three people.

What jihitsu does? what going to the gym really does. You go to the gym, you get on the elliptical, you put a TV on. You go there, you don't really want to even go there to go there to see what working out is really about. This weekend was great for me because I forgot my iPod. So when I went to work out,

Saturday, I had to do the elliptical for 30 minutes without the iPod. That's tough. And it lets you think. And this is what I've been telling you from day once. You go there to put a stupid fucking movie on. It's a stupid fucking movie. movie. Just go to the think of who the fuck Lisa Ad is on what your next move is.

When you go to jiu-jitsu, when you go to karate, when you go to Kung Fu, after a month, people don't laugh at you. People applaud you for going. Even though you sit in the back and you can't do all the exercises, everyone in that room knows. And when they went there the first night, they couldn't do everything. Right. Okay. So that's the beauty of martial arts. you know because of UFC

and all this shit we've forgotten the beauty of martial arts it's become we're using it for something else you know I don't use jiu jih Tzu to be a tough guy man I really don't I never use karate to be a tough guy I use karate

to let me know the things I couldn't do those punches those breathings those you always want to be prepared what if there's an earthquake and you gotta run out of your building when you're huffing and puffing out of six months I'll be the first one dead

so what I'm trying to say to you is Right now, Lee, you have this. You have to do something else because even when you go to the gym, you don't want to face nothing. Yeah. I want you to go to something. It doesn't have to be jih, Jiu-Jitsu. You don't want to go to Hig and Machado.

I know how you feel. You haven't wrestled since high school. You don't know day one. Well, guess what? Neither did I. I never wrestled. And I went, and it showed me where I needed work in my life. And by me covering those little holes,

it helped me in other areas of my life. You're not going to go eight times a week. You're not going to go into college. competitions, you're not going to weight lift. But that's today. I don't know what you're going to think if you stick with it for a year. And I don't know what you'll think when you stick with it for two years. First of all, the drive. Yeah, that's one. You put your gear on. You drive to and fro. That drive, again, is with the radio off. It's a 20-minute ride for yourself. And even though you get aggravated, you may make a call or two. You're still thinking about your next move

in your day. You're thinking about what you're going to go do. You know what last week? I learned an arm bar, right, from the closed guard. So this week I'm going to go try it. But I'm also going to last two minutes today when I spark. Two minutes. That's all I need to last. I'll be fine. I'll let them arm, you know what I'm saying?

And every time you go, you make a little personal goal for yourself. And every time you go, you're pushing, you're pushing, you're pushing. And now you realize that people are starting to join after six weeks, and now you're helping them. You're seeing people that were you six weeks ago. Right away, you feel better. That's the biggest confidence you could ever have in your life when you think you suck at something and now you're seeing people come in and they're in the same shape of you and they've

been lifting, they've been boxing, they've been jumping rope, but jujitsu shape is jujitsu shape. It's different? Completely different than what you've done. Your core is fucking everything. Your back, you know, you're on your back breathing and this breathing and this choking and this learning your body's limitations will help you sleep at night. will help you in other areas of your life. Like I said, do you think I join Jitza to go to tournaments or whatever?

Maybe not today. I just go to go twice a week and to learn something and to review something. And if every week I could do a little better than the week before, I'm okay. If every week I could run one half a lap or if every week I could run one extra lap, or I can just do one hip escape more than I did last week. Last week I did seven. This week I tried to do eight. Fuck, I did six.

You know what? When the class is over, I'm going to do eight. and then you do six again and you go you know what I'm gonna do another six and now you were supposed to do eight but you did 16 you did three times eight which is what 18 three times eight is 24 three times eight is 24 yeah 24 I'm sorry so now you have you did 24 burpees that's good there's so many different variable and I'm not just talking to you about jitza it could be shodokan karate it could be judo and now two days a weekly you don't talk to Joe Diaz you don't have to smoke pot

You don't have to be the flying Jew You'll Lee Syed That's all you are Wouldn't it be great for two days a week That you just went somewhere You didn't have to tell me where you're going Just go on your own Don't tell nobody

Go on group on see who's ordering a thing You don't have to go to fucking Hegan's Go somewhere where nobody knows you And I guarantee Lee You're gonna call me in three weeks and go Joey I went to Jiu Jitsu I fucking love it It's so fucking hard

I almost died But I went back and some guy kicked me in the stomach but mistake for that. It was so fucking fun. And when people, when you're on top of people and people are teaching you stuff and you're sweating on them, it creates a bond. Yeah.

Listen, man, and I'm not preaching jiu-jitsu. I'm not preaching jude. I don't care if you take an archery class. It's that about you, Lee. You're going to that gym, you're wasting your time. Yeah, you lost some weight. You're not doing nothing. You're getting on there.

You don't think. You don't think of your next move. You want some stupid fucking show, immunity, or whatever the fuck you're watching the office. I'm watching Gladie. But no, I understand what you're saying. You have to go lead. You have to go just to get it over.

You don't want to be 60 and go, I should have gone to Jitjit. What are you going to do in your 50 and you have a kid with Paul? Are you going to still be on that stupid Stairmaster? No. What are you going to do with your kid? What are you going to be going to do? What do you think?

You know what's the Stairmaster? And you guys are going to put on the weight. So you have to continue growing. You got to continue doing something. Because after Paula has a child and you get 40, you're going to put the weight back on again, the same way fucking I did. So you might as well get involved in something now

that you know when you have. have a child, you can look at Paul and go, I'm going somewhere for fucking one hour to do Jiu-Jitsu or I'm going somewhere to learn how to do new chucks. I'm going somewhere to get out of your head for an hour. When I told DiAgostino by his girlfriend, he took it the wrong way. I tell you, when we go do conno, when we go to work, we go to work. If you bring your fucking girlfriend, then you have to bring it all the time. The first time you don't bring her, she's going to say you're cheating on me. So you got to bring them. You're going there to work. Now instead of one breakfast, you got to hawk up for two. Instead of two-ticket, one

tickets for the movies. You got to go too. When Lee and Joey are having fucking lunch, you got to show up with your fucking brought at the table and you can't talk about dick. Do you understand me? You go to do a way to go away. Not because you don't love this woman, not because, no. You go away to dig into your mind, to write a joke,

maybe a fucking thought for 10 minutes. You ever know what things you think about when you're alone for 10 hours on a Saturday alone? How many times have I told you to get high at 6 o'clock? Get a notebook. Think of the ideas you get. Go to a coffee shop. Even though don't drink coffee. Stare at these fucking mutants, drinking coffee in the computer,

looking at whatever the fuck they're looking at. It's very interestingly. And I told, you know, when you go over to that place, yeah, you lost away, but you have accomplished nothing. You sit there and you watch some stupid movie. I like, I liked wrestling. I think I'm going to like Jitatu. I'm telling you.

I never did it. I don't like feet. I don't like people sweat. I don't like people, nothing. I'm just slow. I don't think I was scared. I'm just slow to get, you saw how long and too many to start working out. So, but even if I end up going somewhere right down the street for me, I at least have to go try it out with Hagan.

Like, that would be crazy not to go. Oh, my God. I had such a great time last Wednesday. I'm going to go this Wednesday. What time is on Wednesday? 11 o'clock. 11 to 12, 15, and we're back up the hill at 1 o'clock. Nice and easy.

You stop at Jersey mics. Now you eat a sandwich with confidence. I get the turkey provolone on wheat bread, half of it. No and vinegar oil. I keep it light, so it's just carbs, you know, pretty much. after you eat because you're going to go, you're going to sweat a little bit. I don't sit there. You know, one thing about me is I know if I sit there and get involved in eight fucking wrestling

matches, I'm not going to walk for three days. Then it becomes the law of diminishing returns. I go there, I do the drills, I do the exercises. I jump up and down. I roll with two or three people. I tap out and I get in my car and I go home, though. Oh, okay. It's very fucking simple.

Back to the American Airlines fucking thing here before we forget. God's sucker, all right? Okay. How you doing, kid? I'm doing great. Let's see the fucking. I'll tell you what we'll do. You want to do more?

Yeah, we're going to sample everything. Oh my God, thank God I hope. Let's sample a caramel corn, just so you see. This is a beautiful. Tell me, tell me you're all the... No gluten, no... Censes. GMO, 120 milligrams, and it's 20 doses.

So you're going to live. Try this caramel corn and tell me this isn't delicious. And we'll send the rest to Paul up. Okay. So what does it taste like? What? The caramel corn is good. Like what...

Taste it. Taste it. You tell me, you be the judge. Tell me that's not... Delicious camel corn. Just like you buy it a fucking high-end camel corn joint. What's the face for? I don't want to eat in the microphone.

I'm trying to be polite, Coxuck. Delicious. Delicious, nutritious, nutritious, vegan? You know, this is Auntie Dolores. The best when it comes to these fucking things. Like I said, all the edibles I get off for a different fucking bang to you. I like to mix them up. I don't even like smoking the same weed, two, three days in the row.

I like buying a weed. I'll smoke it Monday and I'll put it away until Wednesday and I smoke something on Tuesday I smoke something different but I always got six different types of weed in the rotation sometimes I just smoke it on one day and I call it I tap the fuck out you know what I'm saying Lee what's with the funny fucking faces I always wondered why you went to the weed store so much because you go like every day every day I go check it out maybe they got something new because like I just told you like doing it just after two or three joints

I'm back to square one it don't get me high no more so I like to mix it up When I was a kid, I'd buy pounds, and I'd sell half of it and smoke half of it, and I'd saved a lot of money. But after a week, I was smoking four joints to get high. I'd smoke 16 joints in a fucking day, so I'd defeat the purpose. I could have sold that and made some baccalae, you understand me? A lot of joints. Sure, but that's how you rode even then.

So we get there. My flight is at 6.45. Oh, yeah? I get there at 5.30. Which means you're up at what? After a night? I didn't even sleep. I got back from the hotel room.

A man on fire was on from the beginning. I ran downstairs. I smoked the joint. I got a coffee at the bar and I went upstairs and watched it. Not decaf. I watched it and I couldn't fall asleep, but it was okay because I slept 12 hours a day before. I prepared for this.

I always try to prepare a little bit. I ate like a valium and slept from 9 to 12. It was fucking tremendous. So I probably slept that night like 12 hours the day before. Okay, that's good. So I was good. I got up, worked out, I did both shows, and that was my day. So I basically got there.

I had some, oh, the breakfast was horrible. Don't ever eat eggs that are not yoked at the airport. I never eat scrambled eggs. Like if I go somewhere and they have eggs scrambled, I don't eat it. What are they? They're powdered milked, fucking water fucking eggs. Like that subway sandwich shit. Oh, I would never get that.

Oh, my God. So the other day I'm starving in Michigan, and I'm too early to do radio. So the only thing was opened by the radio place was Subway sandwiches instead of the supermarket. I got a fucking egg sandwich on wheat. with green peppers and something else. I took two bites of it and I just threw it away. But at least I didn't pass out from lack of sugar and from not eating.

You follow me? It was so fucking bad. They have those powdered eggs. They haven't already made. I was at one once. And they nuke them. Yeah. At like midnight and they just pulled it out from the back.

Disgusting. Fucking disgusting. It's pure cancer. You might as well jump in a river in Jersey. You know what I'm saying? You're going to get, that's pure fucking cancer. So I ate that, I threw it away. And then when I went to the bagel place on Sunday at the whole,

They only had a bagel place in McDonald's. So I went to the bagel place. I was going to get all the bagels with Starmink your bagels. So I ended up getting a fucking plane with turkey and cream cheese and the tomato. And it held me because I don't want to get on a plane and have a problem. And it held me. We get on the plane. We board the plane at 615.

First class, upgrade, no fucking drama. Nice seat. Second, it's cold on the plane. I put my hooded sweatshirt shirt on. I'm ready a nappy nu-nunu. There's been a maintenance problem. Get off the plane. Oh, fuck.

The plane's going to take off at 10. Okay? So we take off at 10 fucking o'clock. We get on the plane, we're in the air about an hour, and all of a sudden the thing comes on. There's tornadoes in the area. We're not going to land in Dallas. We're going to land in Wichita, Kansas.

So we land in Wichita Hills, Kansas, or some shit. You've got to see this airport. Beautiful. No food, just two vending machines, and two fucking gates. They won't let us out. I saw fucking TSA sit down for maybe two hours without a customer. Okay, and a cop was in there. They wouldn't let us out of the building.

No food. I had beef jerky. Beef jerky and a bag of fucking trail mix. That's what I ate. Balance lunch. We sat there for three hours. From there, we took off to Dallas. We got to the tarp.

We sat on the tarp for fucking two and a half hours. I got on the airport at 6 o'clock. You should have seen those desks that were packed. There was bad weather, but ours was a maintenance problem that if they would have had fit. My beef was this. Why don't the mechanics come in at six and warm up the plane

and check the plane before the plane takes off? You're going to tell me once you get on the fucking plane, that's lack of professionalism, especially for the fucking plane, the amount of money we spent for plane ticket. I called you last week. Tell these people what's going on to go to Boston and June.

Like $700,000? $700 with taxes. It used to be $300. How much was Virgin? Six, you told me. We asked them, $580. $5.80 we talked about. Guys, that's a lot of fucking money.

I hope you have crews on 24 hours that they're inspecting these planes. Might as well. Okay, so they cross off the flight. You know, now, two hours, fueling, they hit you with that fueling thing. I never seen planes fuel so fucking much. Just to get from Dallas to LA.

We were at Wichita for three fucking hours. Now we're on a tarp for two. I get in, it's fucking packed. Since I had a platinum thing, the lady goes, go to the ambassadors club, whatever the fuck it is, Admos Club, where Burke Christ should drinks himself to debt and get your ticket re-border

or they'll give you a hotel room. Between me and you guys, I just wanted to come home. I got to leave on Wednesday go do that fucking video game up in San Francisco. I just wanted to come home and spend three days with my family. It was Mother's Day. Now I'm on the tarp.

You know I didn't yell on the tarp? I didn't do nothing. First off, I went prepared. I had two things, nasal spray. I had one fucking greenhorn and I had two cheapen shoes. You know me. For a fly. And I found a vapor pen with half of that stuff in it.

The juice left. Oh, yeah. The dab and the vapor pen. So I was hitting dabs at the airport. So I was tuned up. At the airport at 6 o'clock, I was so fucking tuned up. And I hadn't eaten. So I looked on the board, and I saw that there was a 7 o'clock.

It was 6.10 when I landed in Dallas. There was a 7 o'clock flight, an 810 flight, an 8.30 flight with a connection in Phoenix, and a 940 flight. I looked at the gate where the 940 flight was, and I rushed there. and everybody was on that line for an hour dog. So three hours in the tarmac, two at the fucking airport, other way around, and two hours early, now I'm an hour standing on line. And I got American airline calling me back within an hour and a half to two and a half hours, they told me.

They're going to call you back. I get into the fucking thing, and they're, like, talking about Tuesday morning. But there was a flight at 940, and since I had to upgrade the first-class ticket And the platinum level, they said, we'll try to get your on standby. I said, tell me right now if I could get on. That's the last flight. If not, let me go to a hotel room.

The lady looked me in the eye and she goes, you're getting on. Okay, I went and got barbecue at Dickies, which was terrible with some cheese and some fucking coleslaw. The coachlaw was the best thing on the fucking dish. I mean, I ate half of the barbecue meat, two or three pieces of macaroni and cheese.

And I just walked around stone to the gills. I fueled up the phone, you know? So now, what do you think happens at 940? We line up in 910, and as we're going to go bored, there's something wrong with the fucking plane. No, no, no, no, no, no. The stewardesses didn't get here. What? So just go?

You don't need drinks? So now we don't board until 940. The third store that shows up. Okay. We sit on the plane for 20 minutes. We're ready to board. There's a maintenance problem. We be bored the plane, Lee.

Now we wait a half hour. It's 10 o'clock. I'm not coming home. I'm in Dallas. Now we wait a fucking hour, and then they held out that they switched the boarding gate to something else.

I got to run, get on a fucking train, and go get over there on that plane. We get there, and what do you think they tell us to me? Move back? We're waiting for a stewardess. Another stewardess?

What happened to the stewardess is from the other fucking plane? Well, since they were assigned to that plane, they can't come on this plane. Guys, you have no fucking idea. This is American Airlines. Okay? Then guess who comes trotting along?

At Stewart's? The three stewardess from the other fucking plane. Sunday bought us. And then before we're about to take off, they go, listen, just to let you know, they didn't do a maintenance check on this plane. The light just came on. I got it handled.

If the light comes on again, we've got to go back and do maintenance, and that might take two hours, which means three or four hours, which means you might as well make those six in the fucking morning. Yeah. But everything went. I landed at one side.

something. When I landed, I was smart enough because those flights were earlier. I knew my luggage was going to be there. So I ran for that area. Everybody else ran for the luggage thing. And I'm like, you guys were at the airport for five or six hours. Your luggage is already here. I saw my luggage by the escalators. I was walking off. I went right for it. Crossed the street. Got in the car and I drove home. My wife cooked. I ate. I stayed up to like 3.30 in the morning. I couldn't even fall asleep. I was so fucking tired. That's a long fucking day, man. That's a long fucking day. So I rode my grievance today.

I wrote what I wanted. And let's see what happens. That's great. When I went to the wedding in Vermont and at the wedding they canceled my flight and I had to drive to Albany. They gave you what? What do you mean? You said they gave you points or something like that. They didn't give me shit.

They gave you guts. Got to ass. Delta just gave me like 5,000 points for a flight. They fucked up. So what I wrote to American Airlines was it was a mechanical problem. You know, you can't have that many mechanical problems. When I'm paying the money, I'm paying for the plane tickets. I understand this bad weather.

And I understand that people have bad days. This was just too many bad things happening to us. It was one thing after the fucking other. You know, I was waiting for my luggage not to get there or for the car not to stop. It was one of those days. But, you know what, man? I went to Michigan for five shows.

I had a great time. Some people gave us a lottery ticket. Some people fucking took care of us. Some guy sent you a card. Yeah, thank you. Where does I want to be around? Cocksuck, put that on a little music there. It's Monday, May 11, Cucksuckuckers.

Get out there. wash your helmet. Just realized how much I love Tony Bennett this morning. Dustin's a wacky. Thank you. We'll do it again the proper way. God's a second. Dustin's a wacky.

Uh-oh. You know what time it is? Time for an edible reason. No. What are we doing next? So what do we have? We have the brownie so far, and we've had the caramel corn.

Do you want to do a cocoa sparkle cookie? Nope. Let's do a cocoa sparkle cookie. I can't do anymore. Yes, you do, man. There's nothing. Look at it. It's 10 milligram.

Look at it. I can't. Go ahead. Look at my face. It's fine. Look at your face. One more. We're going to do that.

We'll do a piece of pretzel. And we'll call it like, go ahead. I eat one like this. Oh, my goodness. And this is a cocoa, sparkle cookie, 200 milligrams. Vegan, low glycemic. This is a good thing. Eat the cookie.

Lee, please, we're doing a schmaw. Way embarrassing. Anti-Delorius'Hort card to send us this on the fucking arm. Look what she's done to me so far. Huh? Look what she's done to me so far. Listen, the pressure, the caramel was not even 8 milligrams. This is five.

Yeah. You don't even have 120 in you. Yes, I did. Nah, you're light. You're lying. I take care of you, Lee. I got your back. How delicious is that?

Lutin-free, chocolatey. Nice. You don't taste a weed in this thing, Lee. I'm not testing much of anything right now doing. That's good. That's what he's supposed to do. You don't want to taste nothing anyway. You don't want to have a guilty conscience.

Something really weird going on at the house. Let me give some shoutouts real quick. I'm going to talk about this. Okay. I want to give my man Martin a shout out for the lottery ticket. We didn't win Dick, but brother, I love you. Thank you for coming to the Grand Rapids show. My man, Todd Lightley, Larva, whatever your fucking name is.

Wait till dust, wait for dust. No, Nick, my man, Neelyer Samuels. My man Harry Henderson. my man Jose Gaiton and Matt in Winnipeg. I love you, cock suckers with all my heart people. What do you giggling about?

You already got the giggles and shit like a little kid. What am I going to do? I hate you in there, one of those, hit eight six cigarettes. Something weird is happening in the house. I haven't talked to you guys

in a while on a personal level. After Sissy, I put Sissy down. About five days later, I had put my cat Fidel down, who I had for 13 fucking years. Fidel was just a great cat. My wife is still shattered. In fact, it was sad,

that a week we put him down and Saturday I was thinking about my mom because it was her birthday and Fidel was more overwhelming I couldn't believe how much I missed Fidel I miss his walk I looked at a picture of him and he was just a fucking beautiful cat but he lost like

18 pounds like he was small at the end he was very tiny he wasn't him he was a shell of what he was Fidel was a great cat Fidel would if you didn't shit in a little box and didn't cover it up Fidel would whack you.

And then he'd cover it up and whack you and had come find you and whack you. Fidel was very loving. He was very gentle. He was the first cat to mess with me. Yeah, Fidel loved everybody. Fidel would jump on your chest and rub your face with his face. He just meant well. He loved Damon.

I called Damon and told him your buddy. I had to put him down. Damon wasn't shocked. Fidel was just a, I've been very blessed with great cats and they got problems, but they're great cats. And I always felt that when you give an animal love, you know, you give him nothing but love and you're honest with them and you fucking, they love that. They do anything for that shit. And Fidel was just one of those guys.

And the deal was we're going to put him down on Monday. But Saturday when we got back from swimming with the child, he was in the little box half in half out. He wasn't even strong enough to come on the cat litter box. My wife asked me, we started talking about it. We go, let's take him down. my wife was broken for two fucking days. My wife loved that cat. I mean, it was so sad.

And I loved the cat with all my heart. We lost two cats in one week. But as Fidel was, me and my wife were talking, I looked at my three boys. And I said, it's about to go down. I feel like the king of the house. It's a power struggle. Now it's going to be a power struggle.

You got two cats already that don't like each other. And Superbad always attacks. Jimmy. Every fucking night at some point I hear them struggling and Jimmy doesn't like Superbad at all. Really? Yeah, Demi doesn't like Sue. Jimmy's a nice. Jimmy's very nice but he just doesn't like Superbad. Superbad gives him

the fucking creep. You know when Superbad comes next to him, he gets up and comes by me. It's a very weird thing. So, I didn't know. It took a while, you know, it took him about a week to notice that Fidel was gone and when I got in Sunday night, my wife was telling me, oh my God,

it's been a hell of a week with them fight. and Jimmy's got a scratch on his face. Harry's got a scratch on his face. Harry fought. Oh, Harry, you fight Superbad three times a day before. No, Harry and Superbad have been like the Dillans and the McCoys. Who are those people from the South? Hatfield and McCoy.

They've been like that since day one. They just don't like each other. And every time they fucking get around each other, their hair stick up. But my wife said it's been horrible. Like before it was just two scratches and they both go to their corners. now they're tangling. I haven't seen them tangler yet. But today I saw something very weird.

For years, Super Bad's been taken, Demi. For years, Super Bad's been just... Superbad's a fucking street... Savage. He's just tiny, but he's a dirty street cat. Superbad. When you pick Superbad up and you look at him and you kiss him, you're like, I love you Superbad.

But you're a fucking dirty, fucking streetcat. His head is tiny. His body's big. He's just a warped little motherfucker that has a lot of heart. And I love him. He saved him. me so I can't throw him to the wolves but he's not my ideal fucking cat of the year nothing like that he's not no he's a fucking dirty ass motherfucker but that's why I love him

he's got class so uh today something happened fucking Jimmy was on the couch and Superbad jumped up like three feet from then and Demi just went over and swatted him and Superbad cowed down which in any other day of the week Superbad would fucking attack and I saw last night that Superbad and Harry were having a problem and Superbad hit behind the fucking thing because it's basically about age it's anarchy of age like an AIDS thing you know so my wife said that Demi and Gray got into it too the other night thing but Gray hates Demi you know gray fucking hates Jimmy it's so weird how I look at these cats and I learned to see their different personalities but I was looking for the power vacuum and

it's it's what really baffles me Lee that this happens in corporations that's how primitive we are. What happened in the corporations? Okay, so you're a college guy. You just came in from college and I've been there for 10 years. And also I'm one day, the fucking CEO of whatever comes in and he says, I'm quitting. Okay. I'm giving my resignation. This has been great, but I'm going to go work at NBC. Right away, you put your fucking antenna up and you

go home and tell your girlfriend that your opportunity is here. You're going to take over division. I go home and tell my wife I'm going for it. And then there's some fucking pipsqueak in accounting that he's been there longer than you and I. And he wants that position. So what happens? A slight but subtle thing starts like a little war. Very slight, very subtle. But it exists. It's there. You know, a tension between people. And then it's the ass kissing, who works later hours. It's terrible. Yes, it's terrible, but it shows us how primitive we are. Then you have the side of the street.

You have drug dealers and mafia campaigns and Russians and everything. Same thing happens. Some guy goes to prison. He doesn't appoint a fucking, nobody who goes to prison wants to appoint somebody. I'm the boss. I'll run this thing from prison. No, you're not. You're going to run it from prison.

But you still need somebody out there to run that fucking operation for you. Okay. Okay. And boom, when there's not somebody, there's going to be a problem. Shit goes down. Because even if, okay, so let's say I got to report to Lee. I like that.

Even if, even if, just by me reporting to Lee, that puts me in a different hierarchy. So I would come to my guys and go, listen, give me your envelopes, I'm going to report to Lee in prison. There's probably going to be two people report to Lee in prison and one other guy like a son that's telling them what's really going on because I'm going to go up to that thing with a story, and he's going to go up there with a story.

Because eventually the guys that are dealing with you are going to get the next call to be you. Oh. So now it's one against the other. But that same exists with cats. One cat dies, the elder one, like when Demi died, Fidel had to fill his void. So Fidel became more vocal.

It was really weird. Dimmie was always very vocal. Finney. Finney was always very vocal. When Finney died, Fidel became vocal. very vocal to the point where you wanted to fucking strangle. But you love them so much. But he became very vocal

because he thought that's how he had to act. And I saw this and I was like baffled on how fucking much, you know, how our brain works from the smallest level of cats. It's crazy how involved your... Because you spent a ton of time with

those cats like when you're up late at night by yourself. Like you know your cats. Like when you asked me to go feed them, you're like, okay, you've got to put this bowl here. but make sure it's this bowl, not just any bowl, because so-and-so will only eat over here. It's hysterical. And you've got to mix these two together.

And you were like, listen, they're not going to eat if you don't put it there. So please put it there. Like, you just know that. If you miss, Harry will not eat anywhere else. They could be food in 10 bowls. Harry will not touch it if it's not by the cabinet. Fidel wouldn't eat if it wasn't by the garbage, by the door by himself. The girls, they eat together.

The boys eat together. That's just little quirks cat have. But it shows me that you have a choice as an animal even. You know what I'm saying? Like, how cool is it that these motherfuckers are like, I'm not eating out of his ball? This is my bowl. I want it right there.

I remember Fidel fucking crying because his bowl would be under the cabinet instead of by the garbage can. He wouldn't eat. Wouldn't fucking eat. He just wanted to be by himself? No, he wants it to be by the garbage can. I've learned so much about the cats

that in turn it's helped me learn about myself. Like, when I first had the cat, I would go home and night and get coked up. And in the middle of my coke up, I'd play with the cats. That was my entertainment. I'd be a little paranoid, but I'd be petting the cats. And by petting the cats, it would control me. It says that people, what's the statistic?

That people who own cats or animals live a lot more. Yeah, I'm sure. You know, now in prison, they're giving cats to inmates. That's what I see. I'm in MSNBC. When I got those cats, I started really thinking about quitting blow. I got to be honest with you, because I was so, vow with them when they came in, but I knew

that the Coke and their involvement and my comedy and all the other shit I had going on at the time. It fills a void, man. Those cats really filled the void for me. They help me take my mind off a lot of things. I owe a lot to those cats. I, you know, I can't give

them, I can't give six cats or now, you know, whatever we have, but I can't give six cats attention 20 minutes each a day. I don't have it. But every day I spent time with one or the other. Today it was Lulu and Superbat, you know. Today it was Lulu. I got on my hands and knees

and I kissed her and I brushed her and I rubbed the stomach and she was so excited. She was meowing hard. She started to purr when I would scratch her back, you know? And in turn, it relaxes me, man. It's really calmed me down. It's really, I don't know,

it's made me a better person having a pet. And that's why I advocate having a pet because I understand. But there's people who get pets and can't take care of them. Yeah. got to be on the, you know, you have to be ready for a pet. You know when you're ready for a pet. You're like, you know what? I got some security. I'm ready. I have a partner. I have a plan. You know? Well, it's crazy how many people don't because like when I was looking for a dog,

I went to the pound a few times. There's a ton of dogs there. And then down by where Paul lived, there's a ton of stray dogs. Oh, just walking around. It's crazy. It's fucking crazy. I couldn't imagine just abandoning an animal. I don't know how they live with themselves. You know, years ago when the stock market fell on, people losing their home. That was the biggest complaint that people were leaving fucking animals behind. And I don't know. I made a commitment. Before I made that commitment, I really thought it out.

And you know me. You've been around me for a couple of years now. I don't even like taking me. I don't like me and my wife gone together. Right. It spooks the shit out of me because it makes me, anything could happen to these animals. I don't want them. I love these animals.

If I was gone in Aruba, I can't even relax knowing that they're alone. That somebody's coming in. When I always actually take care of them, what do I say to you to sit with them for an hour? Yeah, watch TV. Put the TV on it. They love all that shit. They come out and they'll play. And next thing, you know, you had plans.

I don't know how many times I've had plans to just play. And also the next thing you know, I'm there an hour on the floor with them. And I'm having a great time. When Jimmy used to, when I used to put the notebook paper up and Jimmy would run through it. He would? Yeah, like, like a bullfighter. Yeah? When Jimmy was a kid, he would run.

run through the paper and he would run through it, run through and so he broke it and half. Well, I'd do that 80 times until he broke in half. And when he'd broken in half, I'd go get another fucking piece. You know, they're entertaining. It's great to get a dog. Today I was getting my hair cut and I heard about a lady who saved the dog on 405. Somebody dragged the dog and left him for dead. I wouldn't know what to do.

I wouldn't know what to do. I think I'd fall apart if I saw a dog in that shape. I really would cry and you know when I see cats getting hit with squirrels and they're still half alive it breaks my fucking heart

if you're gonna hit the fucking animal kill him do me the favor kill him don't drag him down the corner and let them fucking live in that pain with a broken arm how about I do that fucking shit to you

you know if you're gonna be a fucking criminal I'd rather you kill the animal and leave it there for fucking dead and then somebody gets stuck with $8,000 fucking thing and the cat's walking with a limp and a fucking cane the rest of his life what's up Lisa yeah

what's up in your world cock sucker I have a I'm trying and I want I wanted to talk to you about it I'm trying to pitch to TV shows that they should have a companion podcast

and I've been on a couple meetings and like they liked it but they're having a hard time understanding like where it would be helpful like they were like how could we do like a lot of episodes like they didn't understand it

beyond interviewing the different departments and like I have another meeting Wednesday but it's cool because I met this guy on Periscope. Like he's a producer who's been saying like hearing TV pitches. So I emailed them and we have a meeting. But I think what it's going to take is like someone to understand social media to be able to do it. And it's kind of weird.

Like how many times have you pitched something and you think it's like a great idea? But no, they just don't understand it. Well, they find the holes. And it's like everything else. Like I told you the idea on the phone. when you pitch something, it could be anything. I don't care what you're pitching. The nucleus of this whole thing

makes you a salesman. Yeah. You're selling me your dream. You're selling me your idea. So what you have to do is you have to write the advantages and then within yourself, look at the disadvantages. You know, when somebody builds a great alarm, what do they do? They go to prisons and they get the best fucking burglars in the world.

The best. And they're paying them. And they go, I want you to buy them. break into my fucking house for $100,000. I'm going to give you $100,000. You don't have to steal nothing. Just break into my house. And they look for gaps in their game.

Before they present that alarm and what the offers are, they do that. Okay, if you ever see, what's the movie with Charlize Duran and Italian job? Italian job. In the beginning, she's cracked safes, you know, she taught, you know, that's... What was I talking about?

I'm not exactly, Charlie. As far as I was with me, though. It's supposed to be immediately. I was selling stuff. What are we talking about? Selling stuff. So selling stuff.

So you have to look at it. You know, they want to see what the holes are in your game. You're a young guy, so you look at the advantages of it. Let me tell you with the disadvantage. Tell me the disadvantages of it all. The disadvantage of our first door, when you go in there, what did I tell you a couple weeks ago about clubs that don't know about a podcast? Right.

It destroys my insides. because this is what's feeding your electricity bill. This is what's keeping your lights on right now. Six or seven guys that have podcasts that are coming through here and the fans come out. They smoke weed. They eat. Podcast to me, if you don't know what a podcast is right now, shame on you.

I know people will say, you know what, I've never listened to them, but I know it's like something like a radio show, right? Boom, okay, we're halfway there. Okay, so now you have to let them know the advantages. What are the advantages of having this fucking podcast? Let's say you went and pitched, does the Walking Dead have a podcast?

Yeah, not an official one, but they do. That's why. Is it the cast members? No, it's not. Is it the nerdist? No, it's AfterBuzz TV. And I'm sure they're nice people. I know I've never met them, but I did some research because I used to work for Hell's Kitchen,

so that's who I was pitching to. So Hell's Kitchen has one through them, but it's like a radio host, interviewing people over the phone. It doesn't even sound good. And that's not the point. Like, the point of it would be to have the host of the show or somebody involved, like a past winner-hosted. I liked what the Suns of Anarchy did.

Suns of Anarchy had a post show. The problem with the post show is they had a terrible fucking host, and they had it on the air. And you tape it half the time. You got to realize that 60% of the people are taping it. Well, those people that are divan are in it, those are the fucking podcast people you want. So if I was Kurt Sutter for FX,

What would you pitch Kurt Sutter after season three? You'd say have a podcast where because in 22 minutes you can't really get into a good discussion. If you could have one writer on. Okay, no. See, that's where you fucked up. You're going to go in there. And the first thing I'd do is explain the podcast. Explains what it does for the careers of 20 fucking people.

Not even Joe Diaz. Explain what it's done for Adam Carolla and how Joe Rogan and how Mark Marin. That's what you have to sell. Oh, yeah, I said that. No, you didn't. You have to sell that. And then you have to fucking get a list of TV shows that have a podcast and TV shows that don't. Okay, you have to do research league. And you got to see what the differences is in numbers.

And then how is this going to have contagious to you? And you have to get a show that they have and already have the podcast planned out. So let's say you were pitching Kurt Sutter. Oh, the executive of Fox, you'd say, okay, so we need a common host. Somebody who's not on the show that interferes. That's where Lysayak comes in. Okay, or anybody else. Just a regular guy that's a fan of the show

that'll be the third voice to hear from. And you have Kurt Sutter, and you have one of the people that were in that episode. Right. And right after the show, on this set while you're shooting it, you could you stream it and put it up on whatever, or Fox net it, you know,

they probably have, they make this shit look like fucking, you know. And that's what you do. And you release that the Wednesday more, after the show airs on Tuesday. I'm just taking sons of anarchy here, ladies and gentlemen. That is your plan.

If you do that, okay, what is the advantage to the show? How many viewers am I going to get more than what I'm doing right now? If I sink $3,000 a weekend for this lead, which is $12,000, I'll get sponsors to cover it. I'll get fucks and I'll get fucking big-time people. How is this going to be advantageous in my show? Tell me.

I think you'd get more viewers. you get people who are just fine the show, but then what I think the best part for you is, is maybe not that year, maybe six seasons down the road. Because what you get, when you have a common host or you have someone who's invested in it,

is people get invested in them. I have so many fucking cool people with me on the podcast that if I was going to go do something, I know they'd support me. They'd support us if we ever did a Kickstarter. If the show, the show's goal is to get extended. There was a bunch of cancellations this past week.

You don't think so? You're not selling the podcast thing. You're selling garbage. You're selling garbage. That's what the problem is. So what do you say? How many? Numbers.

I want numbers. What the fuck is? How much? How many more viewers? Am I going to get from the podcast? But they didn't know that? No. There's no way to know that.

So this is what's going to happen. You've got to sell them the advantage if they don't have the podcast. They don't have the podcast. Right now, anybody can have a TV show. But America has grown over the years. They want more. They want more. They want social networks.

work, they want more. Yeah. We applaud that Charlie Hunan and all the fucking people have Twitter and that's great. Do they do it themselves? We don't fucking know. They're making $80,000 a week. What they fuck they can about Twitter. But we need a common ground for people to tap into maybe listen to one of the guys

talk about acting. Maybe how he got involved in acting. Maybe his story is always a great guest star. You know, they had fucking the player, whatever. But what happens if they don't have a podcast as a salesman? What's next? The pretzel. What happens if they don't?

don't have a podcast. People lose interest. Will the show get canceled? Yes. No, it won't. What you're going to sell them, what you're going to sell them, and I don't know, I'd have to think about this. Do you want to know numbers?

Always talk to the viewers. When you go to those meetings, people talk numbers. When I sold sports information on the phone, I didn't talk numbers. I talked money. The bottom line. Their bottom line is Getus. How are we going to make Guitus on this show? Why am I taking two hours on my week to do this fucking podcast for a show?

Duncan Trussell always says that if he was on a TV show, he'd do his own podcast every week. Yeah. Because he communicate with the viewers to make your bond to the viewers strong. So in your season four, when fucking Breaking Bad 2 comes on or hanging out with Saul, your people don't leave. Right. And they're actually doing podcasts, by the way. There you go. So that's your fucking leg up.

Now, again, let me ask you a question. Because Breaking Bad was a success. Okay, the show that he had, this fucking Gilligan, fucking moron, the show got canceled. Because all these idiots think that once they do one, they could do 20, and they think they're fucking special. And geniuses and they're fucking not. Stick to one show, what the fuck you know. This guy did Breaking Bad. Well, podcasts weren't around when Breaking Bad started.

They were more popular towards the end. Right. But let's call Saul. Who does the podcast? Them. He does it. He does it and he has other guests on. The actor.

Vinna, Vince. Vin Diesel. Vin, Vin Gilligan. Vin Gilligan. I would love to have Vin Diesel. So Vin Gilligan does the podcast himself? Yeah.

That's genius. And that's what you have to sell right there. That's a guy that saw a vision. That's a guy that saw a view. Let's compare. Let's look at, and now you have to break down shows. Let's look at what a spin-off does. in television.

Look at it with the spinoffs on all TV shows that have been around and see what they do if they last and compare the numbers and see what the numbers are on saw right now and that's what you're selling the podcast on. There you go. Okay. So you have to do the research on what spin-off shows.

So let's say there was a show called Married with Children. There was a spinoff. I see what you're saying how that show did and compare it to how people are the fuck do you think. If you're going to be a salesmanly, you've got to sell money. and percentages to TV people. Yeah.

If you go in there, this fucking kid, you know, if you're going to do a $10,000 presentation, you're not going to sell a $10,000 thing with a $10 presentation. Right. I want your presentation to be tipped up. I don't want you going to another pitch meeting. Unless your presentation, when you go in there,

you got to be prepared from A to Z. You got to have four points. And the last one, the whole time you're always closing. Okay? So after each fucking tidbit, you tell them, You're gonna tell them What's gonna happen to their show If they don't fucking get a podcast

And you're looking straight in the fucking eye And the first one who talks fucking loses And then you go into your another fucking stomach Your speech And again, you let them know again This is what's going on So your first one You're gonna tell them the history of the podcast

And the shows that are existing In the podcast And then you're gonna tell them Why their show should do a podcast And then you're gonna tell them What'll happen If their show doesn't do a fucking podcast Okay?

And then you're gonna pitch the podcast to them You're gonna tell them who's going to do it when and how and when it has to be up. Okay, because don't let them think of a fucking original idea. None of those motherfuckers have had an original idea since 1962. They're fucking dummies.

And what did I tell you? You have to go in there assuming they're fucking morons. Because that's what they are. You know, how many people are not on Twitter? How many comedians, after the success of Twitter and podcasts, still refuse to do a podcast or Twitter, but still sit there and fucking

you know, tell you how you're lucky, YouTube, whatever. How many of them? How many fucking people? How long would it last for? That's what you're selling. And if you sell it with that passionately, you'll get it.

Right now, you'll only pitch once or twice. You're not going to sell none in your first two pitches unless you're fucking Johnny Rotten. You're learning the robes. You're learning the objections. If this is what you want to do, there's a show out there and needs a podcast. Modern family, do a podcast?

Not an official one. Okay, so, now who does the nerdists do a podcast for? I thought he did a show after that fucking show with Zambos and shit on AMC. The Walking Dead. Yeah, well, he did a TV show. Okay. His was a TV show.

So the same thing. Podcast TV show. I guarantee that I would get more people to download the podcast than that after fucking show. That's another thing I want to hit you. No, I want you to go in there with the numbers. I don't want you to tell me. But you can't have access to anybody's podcasts. You got them.

Make up numbers. Go in there, make up fucking numbers. Okay. Make up the number. What do they know? Even if they're going to leave and go to the office and check, they're going to be so blown away from your fucking thing that you could sell them whatever the fuck you want.

You could tell them 18%, 92%. In 1983, when this show came up with a sequel or a fucking spin-on, these were the numbers. The show lasted two years. So far, now what makes all that much better? They're living in 2015. You're selling 2015, not 2008, because they don't know. And what do people do?

Why don't you go to Jiu-Jitsu? Why don't you lift weights, Lee? Because people who are scared of things don't want to try them. Right. I got to lead. So when you go in there, you got to think from your perspective. How many times is Joey going to tell me to do fucking push-ups or to lift the fucking dumbbell just to do something different and I don't do it?

You're going to have to sell it from that perspective to them, why they have to do the podcast. And that's it. That's the pitch. I pitched a lot, and I always left with a hole in it. I remember these guys. approaching one time. And they wanted to pitch a detective that had a martial art school and he worked with the mayor behind the scenes. It was a great idea. But they wanted me to wear a Kung Fu

suit to the fucking pitch, like a Chinese one where they roll up. And I refused to do it because I said, this is, you're using a prop to close a TV show. That's never worked. You got to sell money and how this is going to fucking profit you with the least wood. Same thing when I come to you. What do you want? You want more money for less time. And how is this going to affect you, Lee? Three years from now, your show will not get canceled

because you develop a bond with the public. They have an email where people can hit emails up from the thing. This is a complete social media thing. You're going to put a complete social media together. You're going to work closely with their social media department. And that's how you sell this, Lee. Thank you. Because they don't know what to do.

they're doing and they don't want to deal with anything. They think you're going to call them up and two in the morning and say, hey, the U-stream's down. They don't want to deal with that. They want to go to their parties and ha-ha-ha. And in a year when the show's successful, they'll take the...

Yes, that was my idea to put the podcast for the show. Right. Yeah. So what's the story next week in Coxuck? You come into Las Vegas? Hell yeah. You bring them Paula? No.

You come by yourself. Are you staying at the South Point with me? Sure. Let me get your room. Yes. Yeah, that'd be cool. Talking Lair's going to come. A little discounted room.

Di Agostino's going to come. We're going to eat fucking pasta. You're driving? Sure. Are you really? Yeah. You can't feel you can't get a ticket now. I checked and it was like 300 and then I was like this cab.

One way. One way. No, no, no. I found a round trip today from Burbank. Really? Yeah. On what? Southwest.

Really? But it was just like, then you have to get a cab to the South Point. I might as well just drive. I like driving. No, if you come with me, Friday morning, the South Point will pick a cell. up take us right down to the end of a junkie. What time, what time Friday morning?

6.30. Okay. See if it's still available. I will. Look at you. You're going to gamble? No, I can't. Oh, I'm excited, though.

I had a bet on the Patriots still in the Super Bowl, so I want $100. All right, so talk to me about this. Talk to me about what happened today. I went to the gym, and I saw that they suspended Tom Brady for four games for the deflated ball. Now, who suspended them and who did this investigation? Because I knew nothing about it. I thought that there was. dead six months ago.

No, they were pissed off. They had this guy. Are we doing a little piece of the star? No. Just to complete that. We've done one, two, three, four, five different edibles tonight, at least I have. You know that?

And we're still standing like soldiers. This is why I love you. You got fucking clash. You got style. You got Minkangorica, personality. Thanks. What do you think you're dealing with? This isn't the fucking podcast I want it,

but we got the best of what we got in the money. We got the message. We want to level out with you people because we've had guests the last fucking eight things. Tomorrow we got Sebastian Montescalco at 1.30. So get ready for that, Lee. We don't have to get high tomorrow, Lee, all right? I don't believe you. Someone note the time on Twitter.

It's 933. And then tomorrow at 1.30, you're going to be like, here, have a piece. Sure, but it's Tuesday. I don't know what I'm going to feel tomorrow. Right now, I'm not going to feel like getting high tomorrow, especially after the smorgish board. But Tuesday, tomorrow's the first. fucking 12. You know what happened on Tuesday Tuesday to 12th? May 12th.

We got high? No, something happened. Something fucking happened and we got to celebrate it so you don't know what happened to him they got to spend the four games. They lost two draft picks. They got fined a million dollars. Yeah, it was like the highest ever fine. I don't know

if he did it. And the report only said he probably did so they didn't even, they couldn't prove it, but I mean he probably did. But I think he, they Don't they usually appeal and then maybe his suspension will get cut by two games or something? I didn't listen to the guys. I don't know.

I just seen it come on the big screens. And in a way, now I feel bad for people because when that fucking white boy comes back and starts throwing darts after those four weeks, it's going to be scary. They're just spending them for four games. It's like throwing fucking gasoline on a bees nest. And it's good because you're old. So, like, it could be good to save him for four games. Yeah, for four games. He's just going to come out.

Who they got those four games? Chuck. I saw who they had those four games. I think the Raiders, somebody else. It really doesn't matter. I usually don't talk football on here, but fuck it. This is something that happened to you. A lot of people like Tom Brady. I'm a fan of Tom Brady's. I don't... Lee, you didn't eat the pretzel.

I'm way too hot. No, no, you got to eat the pretzel. The pretzel's the last thing on the fucking thing. And we'll split this greenhorn and then we'll go home like gentlemen. What are you think? And we'll do a calvicated things tonight. Why, yeah? The pretzels, three milligrams. They're fucking my friend's favorite. Jersey. All right. First four.

Oh, oh, no. Let's see what you got here. What did they get what? Oh, okay. Well, we got, well, fuck. Okay, so we started with Pittsburgh, which is not good. Buffalo, which is not looking not good. Then we got Jacksonville, which is fine.

And then we have a buy, and then we have at Dallas, which sucks. So, yeah, it's not an easy for games. Who gives a fuck? Well, people are very excited about you putting those things on YouTube. You know, you had to put them on me. I don't care who's taking them down, at least give them the opportunity. Yeah, we got locked out of our account, and so we just got back into it, and then I put them up.

Sometimes they get taken down, but they should all be up. My GMAC account from the website got closed. I don't know what happened over the weekend. I tried to switch it over, and I lost it. If you're trying to send me an email, I haven't re-answered your back, it's not that I don't love you and said I can't fucking get to it. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do or how I'm going to do this. You might have to come over the month.

Tell me what the fuck to do. So if you've emailed me, I know my man Noah from the agency, try to contact me about a book, and we were supposed to talk on Friday. I opened up my email this morning. It was gone. Dan Yarn sent me a fucking email that he said he sent me an email. So please, if you sent an email recently to the church on the website,

joey-deers.comnet, and I have an answer. It's not because I don't love you. It's because I can't fucking get to the goddamn email. Yeah, so, but yeah, we're in. What happened to the pretzel, Lee? I don't want to hear nothing. Come on, man. Can we split it?

No, I already ate 10 of them. Let's go. What split? Just throw it down like a soldier. That's a 3 milligram pretzel. These are all novels, do you think? What you do? We're not even that high.

You're really not. You're really not. Think about it. You're high on the... See? Look how nice you are. See how nice? And the guy just hit me up from Anarchy Edibles.

We're picking up new stars. A bunch of little stars of debt. So we're back. We're fueled up constantly. And I just want to know, like I said before. these guys don't sponsor me. These guys don't pay me a fucking dime. They send me the product.

I sample this stuff. You know, people send me vapor pens. I can't really mess with VIPA pens because I have nailed it. Life is a sponsor and they're my vapor pen of choice, so I really can't help you with vapor pens. But if you have an edible and you want me to try it, let me know.

I'll fucking go to the store and buy it. I'll let you know my true fucking review. But don't show up with some shit. You better show up with something, 300 milligrams or 200 milligrams. They're fucking knock the mule down. Don't waste my time. If you're fucking around, I don't want to eat a big cookie.

I don't want to eat a bag of goldfish. The smaller or the better. We go for little things that are atomic. You understand me? It'd be funny if someone gave you a bad one and then you did like a bad review. I got to give them a bad review. I can't let fucking people eat bad fucking edibles.

Every edible I fucking talk to you people about. I stand behind 150%. I don't eat it. They don't pay me. Anthony Dolores is a sweetheart. My mathematician edibles, I love him to fucking death. He's got a great brownie, ladies and gentlemen. Anarchy edible not only has the fucking

stars. They have a tremendous chocolate fucking rice crispy tree. They have a tremendous chocolate brownie. They have a, what's the matter, Lee? You look like somebody crack the fucking funny. I didn't say nothing funny, you fuck. Chebichu has a tremendous

greenhorn. For the money, one of the best edibles out there. I think they just raised the price. I like them at 10. The Deca, the Deca Doze White one is great. The Deca Dice Green Hornet, which I gave Lee to It's also great. It's like 9,000 milligram.

No, it's only 75 million, as you can see. I'm only lying. You know, these are products that I eat. I rotate them, so I don't get used to them, and I don't get spoiled. So I'm not here to line, nobody. These are not, they don't pay me a fucking dime, okay? I still have not reviewed the Axis Roach Clip 300,

because we never fucking bring a roach up here. So that's the next thing we've got to review. They want to do something. We're going to give them, like, an episode brought to you by Axis 3,000 type shit, okay? Okay. You have looked on your face, like you just smell. the bad asshole. What is it? Lee. Talk to me. I'm fine. I'm just super duper

high. That's right. It's Monday night. Everything's beautiful. Everything's great. You're going to go see Diagostino, Kansas City barbecue and do some... No, I can't eat barbecue. I didn't say to eat barbecue. I see you're going to go over and look at the... You're going to go over there and say hello? Who's going to go to a barbecue place and not get a barbecue? Every Monday, they fucking pack. Where are you going? You get a beer and a sausage. Is that too hard to understand to comprehend? You want to go over and say hello?

Okay. Okay. You're not going to go. You didn't even bring your call. You're I ain't over. How the fuck you gotta stop with this Uber shit? Who picked you up today? This is weird, dude. He had like a really old car. He'd still have the manual windows.

It was a bad one. It was a bad one. You sit in the backseat or you sit next to him in the front seat? Backseat. How'd the back seat look? It was clean. It was just old. How much the guy charged you?

4.40. How much you give them? You can't give them money anymore. No tips? They don't have it. it on the app, no. Why? Because they don't, I don't know.

Lyft lets you give people tips. Now what's the difference between Lyft and fucking... Nothing. There's two different companies. And Lyft is good too. And these are people with their personal cars. Yeah, Lyft is a little more expensive. But now it's crazy. People are like, there's like a business growing of like,

you can rent a car by the week. And then you lift or Uber with that car. Like, so people are like renting Priuses. People are making a lot of money doing it. You just have to be out there for a fucking long-ass time. It's pretty fucking unique, how people make them live and driving people. Hey, it's a hustle, man. Yeah.

And you work for yourself, right? Or Uber takes a piece of action. They take 20%. So, a 440, you bring home fucking three-something, man. But there's a dollar safe ride fee, so, yeah, that we don't get, I don't know what the fuck that's for. And you get the rest. $2.60. So you get $2.60 for, you know how many fucking rides you got to give for $2.60?

When I did for, like, those few days, The only good ones are like the far ones. Who sent you a check? Did they send you a check? Yeah, they do direct deposit. Really? Right there when it happens? Yeah.

Well, every week. Once a week. Yeah. Very interesting. See people? If you're hurting for some money, wash the fucking back seat, put some stars,

put some fucking little, those little Christmas trees back there that smell good. One dude who picked me up here had a Lexus, had a cooler with sodas in it, and had an iPad for you to use. They're like getting really creative with it.

It's really cool. no shit yeah it's a way to do it free sodas yeah free and the iPad was stapled to something yeah or you picked it up you know it was like attached to the headrest and what are you going there he said it was cool like the girls like doing it with photo booths and then they take pictures of themselves

and then they can send it to themselves very nice lady yeah it was pretty cool you learn something fucking new every day brother thank you thank you for I don't know nothing about that shit lift but now the people I live in the area you get a fucking lift if you're fucked up. Like Lee said, what are we eating next to leave?

We've got to eat something else. One last thing. What are we going to do before we tap off? A cyanide pill? No, let's do some of the star of death for anarchy edibles. No, thank you. I love you guys, but... Look at this.

This is still fresh. We got the seal a meal two weeks in. What do you think, Lee? I think you're crazy. Let's eat this little corner right there. No, thank you. What do you mean? No, thank you.

What dude, what? I had like 400 milligram. You have it. No, you haven't. You had 75. 75 and 5 is 80. That's more than 5. 20. 20 is 105. 1.10. And 1.10. And 112. That's what you had tonight. You can do a little idle, blah. What the fuck? We're going beef tonight. What's fuck? This is delicious. It's fresh. Who do you think you're dealing with my hair? Look at this. This is fucking beautiful. I'll give you a little piece. That's not a little piece.

Look at that, you guys. Look what I'm dealing with. I'll give you a little piece right here. How's that? Look at that. I don't want to do that either. That's not even 5 milligrams. Cut of that.

Where's not right? Look at this. Look what I'm blowing down. That's another 100. Like a soldier. If you're going to go deep, we gotta go deep, we say, we ain't fucking around.

We're deep so long. We're just ain't even a roof of a podcast. We're just fucking around here like gentlemen. Where are so deep? When we get your pizza? Huh? You're going to move for a pizza. Oh, yeah.

I know you're in the move some bad fucking peaches. It was good. Which one? Daniels. What's Daniels? The place I sent you to. The brick oven place. Not bad.

The cheese is delicious. They cross is what you got a problem with. We got extra cheese. Oh, shit. It was all over the place. How many slices she? Four. Lee.

We split it. She ate four, and you ate four? She only ate three. And you ate four? What did you do with the extra piece? I threw it away. You're a fucking animal movie. All right, cock suckers.

We'll be back tomorrow. Wait, we didn't do ads. We're going to do ads right now. I'm just talking to these people. Relax. Where the fuck are you going, Coxuck? I'm going to put my glasses on right now. We had a great, beautiful podcast.

We just discussed what was going on in our lives. I'm sorry I just dropped the cat thing on you guys. I didn't want to talk about it where he was here or the other guy. Fidel it happens. You know, I'm not really that upset. You should have just seen the face. Lee made, he's scared to go home. He just went.

I got to go home and get high. Anyway, for total optimization, I love these guys. I took them yesterday after my 12-hour fucking day this morning just to get rejuvenated. Alpha brain is fucking great. I went to the gym today, and I did, I had to do my lower half, which is deadlives, a couple squats, a couple of the machines, the hack machine, some extension.

Then I get on the elliptical. And I took the Shroom Tech Sport today. I took two of them. I got to tell you something. I felt like a fucking sad. I think of it's today. By the time I got in the elliptical, I was already fucking drenched from the deadlips,

and I just started sweating in my shorts, had circles on them, from the shirt dripping on the thing. I stayed on five or six the whole 20 minutes, man. I just moved on it. I must have burnt like 400-something calories today. And that was the fucking shroom tech. I'm telling you, people, this shit works.

You know, I haven't tried the new mood in a while. You know, I do the 180 when I fly out. Like yesterday when I got back last night. I tried the 180, and I'll tell you, I was up for a little while with jet lag, but I fucking fell asleep. And I felt great that I had no effect. I'd have to take a nap today. I did a thousand things today. Honored is great.

That's what I'm telling you. I think Arby was on Joe's podcast today. He's always trying to develop new things. He's always adding things to pills and taking them out. Just because, you know, he knows maybe it doesn't work. Look, he released 180, he took it off the market and brought it back a lot better. That's what customer service is all about. He really, they just put them in whole foods.

do me a favor go to honor dot com take a look at the web page take a look at what they got to offer they got so many fucking things supplements they've got the battle ropes i can't get you hooked up on that as far as supplements i'll get you 10% off i want you to try them if you're working out just try shroom tech just try it one fucking time go to honor dot com go to the box and press in church when you're ordering shroom tech and get 10% off all right just try it if you go into the gym you're struggling with breathing or whatever they can't help you with That's what I thought Shroom Tech was going to help me with. What it has given me is a little bit more gas tank.

It's giving me a little bit more energy, which I never knew. I don't drink energy drinks and nothing like that. So please, go to honor.com, go to the box and press in. Church. Boom, and get 10% off. And if you want to stay on it, I'll mail it to your house in the first month every fucking month. All right. My people, here these things, just doing a great job.

When I'm on the road this week, I brought like two of them from my hotel room. I brought one cigar and one 16 milligram nicotine. they're fucking great. 1,200 pups. They're always coming out strong. Listen, I got no complaints about 806. If you're thinking of quitting smoking me, you want to try a cigar that you've got. Go to Hittyss.com right now and press in.

Joey's Church. And you get what? 20% of them. 20 motherfucking percent of them. So it costs 20, you get it for 16, okay? Go to Hittysig's.com. They make a great fucking product. 1,200 guaranteed pups.

Go to 7-11, buy one of those cigarettes. You get like six fucking pups. All right? And for what? For $10? bucks, this is 16 and you're going to get fucking 200 guaranteed pups. Go to the fucking box right now. Go to

these things.com. Look at the selection of cigars and cigarettes they got. Go there. Press them what? Joey's Church. Boom! And get 20% off. Again, my main people, Dave motherfucking Foley making it happen over there at Iron Dragon TV. I think I want to do a sample run next week.

I'm back for the week with Alda. I'm going to call all the time. Me and Alde want to do a couple of these movies and do the Iron Dragon TV. But always, the leader in classic martial art films. These guys aren't fucking around, right? Every week they're adding new fucking films. Go to Iron Dragon TV.com right now, right now,

and get two free martial art fucking films. Even get them now for the weekend. Just get them. What are you pressing the box? Joey. Joey, you get two free fucking martial art films. They got Rogan on there talking. They got On It videos on there.

It's not just about that, man. This is another company that I love what they do because they're trying to, they specialize in 4KK. technology. To the leaders. To the leaders in 4K technology, hopefully they get the UFC contract. Their films look great. All that classic martial arts

films, it looks that much better. But fuck it. Fuck what Junkle Joey says. Go to Iron Dragon TV right fucking now. Go look at what they got to offer. Press in. Joey. And get two free films. All right. Enough is enough. Again, for my reefer heads, I love you, cock suckers. I'm not here to

blow smoke up your ass. Nailed atLife.com. The best vapor pen on the market. tremendous guarantee. I know these guys. They're fucking family. I know their family from North Bergen and West New York 30 fucking years ago. I went to Tweety's fucking wedding.

In fact, he got off parole today. Thank God. After 22 years, he put it on Facebook. After 22 fucking years, his parole ended today for that thing when he was throwing the coke off the plane. That's how we roll. We hang with people that throw coke off fucking planes. You understand me? Anyway,

go to NaileditLive.com right now. Look at the great selection of stuff they got. They got everything. for you in the dab world. These guys are leader in dabs. Every time you see them, they've got a bag full of fucking dabs. Go to Naileditlife.com and press in. Joey Diaz.

And get 20% off the pet. Right. 20% off the vapor pen. One of the best paper pens in the market. Full fucking guarantee. They answer your calls. All right. Another shout out to Onet, Hitty Sigs, Iron Dragon TV,

and nailed it life. Martin for the lottery ticket. And you guys for listening and for loving us and for loving you, motherfuckers. Had a great time in Grand Rapids. Las Vegas is fucking next cocksucker. What, bitch, I'll be at the store tomorrow on Saturday night. What, bitch, I'll be in Oakland shooting a video game whiskey. What, what, what, Lee?

What's up, buddy? What else will be eating? Nothing. That's it. What's happening out for the night? I love you guys with all my fucking heart. Thank you very much for listening tonight. We don't want a guest tonight.

We just wanted to chit chat and just catch up. I think next week we'll call my man D.C. We'll call a couple motherfuckers next week. All right? What do you think, Lisa? Yeah. Let's do it. How are you doing with your little fucking French?

I think mushroom shirt on. I'm good. All right, wrap it up. I love you guys. Have a great fucking day tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow at 1.30 to rock your world. Oh, and then can we say about the website? Talk to them, Lee.

Tell them what's going on. So. Next Monday, May 18th, we're going to switch over. You're going to go to joeydeers.net. Slash live. Slash live. Tap, knock on that link, and that's what we're coming on. We're no more you stream.

We're going to rock the fucking world, all right? We're going to start promoting it on Thursday Every hour on the hour on Twitter Let you guys know what's coming on a different thing We're going to give this a try So get ready to rock Have you tried it already? Is it running?

We've tried it but I want to do guys later this week Look for me on Twitter I'm going to do a test because I want to see What happens if a bunch of people start going on Sounds perfect I love you cock suckers stay black Uncle Joey here for you cock suckers always Go to onit.com and he's co-workers

church to get 10% off of all the great optimization products like Alphabrain, New Mood, Shrm Tech, Mood, Shrmutec, sport. Go to Iron Dragon TV.com and use Cobur Joe to get two free rentals from all the great martial arts movies and their leader in 4K technologies. For all the oil and wax smokers out there, for the premier vapor pen on the market, go to NaileditLife.com. Also Los Gumi Cermanos. And you're going to get 20% off the favorite pen with Cobur Joe Deez.

and go to hit e6.com better tasting, longer lasting. The proof is in the vape. They have e-cigarettes and e-cigars for you 20% off in use covered Joey's church. What you're giggling about it? Don't forget I'm in Oklahoma City. May 30th.

Crank that motherfucker Lee. A little give me shelter for you, motherfuckers. The stones, man. A lot of good shit they got. If you don't listen to them, or you think they're just, oh, guys, you're wrong, brother. This is one of those jams.

But, kick that motherfucker. I'm gonnae.