The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #283 - John Moffitt, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: May 19, 2015

  John Moffitt, NFL Offensive Lineman, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet The Thrill Is Gone - BB KIng Recorded on 05/18/2015

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The devil's coming out tonight. He's almost here. But at least I had already. His high balls are creepier than ever and shit. I have no idea. Look at them. It looks like one of those Jews of Port Authority that jerk off in a peep show and shit. They still have peep shows?

They still have those? What are you doing? What are you? You're repeating fucking songs already. How high are you? Yeah, they still got peep shows. Really? They got one up here, and I eat sandwiches across the street.

street. What's the place up here? Roma? On Lancash, who's got a great fucking sandwich for lunch, great sandwich special. Sandwich, two sides and a soda for like six bucks. And I go in there with the wife before she got pregnant. And the kid, and across the street from there, I was talking to the kids are Armenians. It used to be an Italian deli, but it became Armenian. And I asked him once,

what is that, a strip club? And he goes, no, the strip club is like four blocks down. It's a filthy strip club. because this place across the street is where you go in and talk to a chick on a booth that's naked or some shit. That's a peep show. That's a peep show.

That's a Puerto Rican peep show. Oh, I kept thinking it was the, you know, when you go in and just shows the dirty movies. And you just go in and watching the theater like with a bunch of other dudes. I thought that was a peep show. Well, that's like a porn theater. Do they still have those?

Anybody know if they still have, like, old pornography theaters? They got to have them in New York. They got to have a few in New York. I didn't see one at like an actual theater, but like a sex store had like some video places in the back. Right. Then you go in the back and sit in the boot and then they have the video. You whack off in there. Yeah.

That's for a quick tug. You're driving down the four or five. You feel like whacking off, but you got too much class to do in your car. You pull over some orange building with some Iranian dude with a missing eye with a little hat on with a Dodger hat on. You go in there. You go in there. You go in the back room and they usually put them in there. It smells like fucking debt.

Yeah. Because when I was a kid, I would go to the ones on 40 seconds. There's two types of peep shows. There's the peep show where the woman's in the fucking middle whacking off and she's all fucked up, degenerate little. Like, they were going there the end of their shit. So we would play hooky in Jersey, right? A six, seven grade.

We'd get over there like maybe 10.30. By 10.30, we catch the chicks that did speed the night before. It wasn't meth. Like, they did black beauties. They got fucked like 10,000 times. But then they go in there. for like six bucks an hour and tips because they got to work the gang off they don't have to suck a dick but they just go in there and would lay there and play with their pussy and the pussy would be

fucking all fucked up for the night before and guys are going there and whack off and then you leave i went into those then they had the ones where you went into this is all in the same thing peep world yeah again be no's own that shit that was all mafia run you went into the one peep world which was like two or three floors and i went into that shit in the eighth grade eight seven six sixth grade, I think I stopped that door. It's just disgusting. Then they had the ones where it's circular, and they put a stage, and the stage

went around, like those revolving stages in Phoenix, and the chick would get fucked by a guy that was just, they were two like heroin junkies. Like, both of them were on heroin, they'd just fuck each other until they passed out. And the funniest thing about that peep show thing is that...

Let's say you walk out of a room, there's a guy with a bucket that excuses you. Like, hold on one second. And he'll walk in, get the mop with the fucking hot water, with the sperm water, throw it on. He'll spray something on the curtains and on the thing, and then he'll go right in there. It's brand new. No shit.

Yeah, because you jerk off on the floor. That's service, though. You don't have service like that anymore. You know what I'm saying? John Moffat in the house, former NFL player, the Seahawks and the Denver Broncos here visiting us in Los Angeles, working out, looking healthy, getting healthy. Yeah, getting healthy. Yeah. Yeah.

What's up with you, Lisa, I had fucko. You ever go to a peep show in Boston? No, I've never been. You never go whack off outside your house? No, they didn't have it. I saw one once. Would you whack off outside your house? No.

You get emotional. In the car, but I know it. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to say, as he was saying in the car and how fucked up that is, I was like, well, I've done it in the car. I've never finished, but like a couple poles or something, but like I've never, I don't know. Like a strip club. You didn't finish?

No, no, I didn't finish. You didn't finish. You didn't finish. Club, they give you like 18 lap dances. You didn't crack a nut. You go out until that fucking car thinking that you're going to meet her at Denny's at 2 o'clock and you bang one out. You come on your girlfriend's sweatshirt and shit.

It's tremendous. They're good old days. The church of what's happening now. Welcome. Memorial Day upon us, cock suckers. Think about your help. Don't drink and drive. There's going to be feds out there fucking pulling you over. Now they're going to throw you in federal penitentiary for drinking and driving. You never know Lisa.

You never fucking know anymore. That's scary. What else is going on, John Moff? It's both to me. Nothing. About Seattle. How fucked up. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Well, I mean, I've been out of there for a month now. I never gave L.A. a chance until I actually came down here to live it, live down here. And I actually, I love it. You love it. Yeah, I was getting, Seattle is so fucking dark and depressing. Is it really? Everyone always says that, but. You're so full of shit.

It's, it's, it's, I thought you're going to say everyone always says that, but then they claim it's sunny. It's not. It's always fucking dark. Oh, my. Yeah, that must be tough. I think there's, like, a time change in Seattle, like, like an uncharted time zone. difference because when I go there, I swear to God, it's like, you ever see insomnia with Robin Williams where he's like all fucked up and the aluminum's on the thing? When I go there, I've got this apartment

that's kind of a little bit underground, like half underground, right? And I literally will lose track of time so badly that like I'll think it's been like two days and it has been seven days. Like no shit. Like I can lose like, I can lose days like in Seattle. And this isn't even like you just smoke a little of their shit. And this, you're, if you smoke their stuff, it adds on to it too. You smoke Seattle stuff and you spend time in Seattle, you could lose like 10 years of life there. Moffitt, I don't know what the fuck happened to my life in Seattle. I don't know. I was in Seattle.

I was 32 years old. I already had a grip on life. I was getting divorced. I knew I wanted to give this comedy. I knew where you stood. Yeah. When you go through a divorce and you go broke, you know where you stand. You're either going to continue being broke or you got to pick yourself up.

You know, there was no way I was going back to the grind. that had no wife, no, no responsibilities, I was not going to go to day job. This is your chance to attack the art that you want to do. Whatever the fuck you want to do, I figured by the time I was 38 or 39, I'd be cooking with gas. But that didn't happen. But I still stuck with it.

You stick with it. You know, I didn't know what was going on. I went to Seattle. I got arrested maybe six times and 18 months. And it all started with a fucking jaywalking ticket. And yeah, I'm not going to sit here and tell you I was innocent and that was bullshit But one time I got arrested for a stolen car That's like I'm anti-stolen car

When I was 15 I wouldn't steal a fucking car Because I always said where do you go Listen, if I rob your watch and you chase me I throw the watch in the weeds You got to prove what's that fucking statement When you're unreasonable down? Yeah, be unreasonable. I don't know what'd you throw behind?

I didn't throw fucking nothing. Go get it. And you don't find nothing and the cops don't find nothing You're not going to get me arrested for the fucking watch, okay? Even if you think I fucking robbed it out of your fucking house. I would never rob a fucking car. I got arrested for a stolen goddamn car. They let me out and they dropped the charges.

But it cost me four fucking days in that King County jail. Can they credit that to you? If you do the time, will they credit it for your next one? Yeah. You know what I mean? You're looking nice to push it on? I kept getting arrested. I got arrested of anger management class who were waiting for me.

In an anger management class. Well it is to have weed in your pocket going, I got to sit through this shit with these fucking mom most of them. Talking about their mom hitting them and burning them. I'll sit through this shit. Moments I get, I can smoke a joint and live my life. I'll go around the corner and get some chicken terriaki fucking Seattle stuff. Good Chinese food in Seattle. Good Chinese food.

Good Chinese food. Good food. Really good food. You want to be healthy. Seattle. Seattle was, listen, I'm not going to talk. I lived in Jersey, so I've been hell holes. I've seen hellholes all over the country. Seattle was a place that didn't agree with me.

There's places in your life. You're not going to agree with things. You know, some people go to the mountains, and the mountains throw them the fuck off. Seattle, Buffalo, New York has a weird effect on people. It's up there high. It's very cloudy. I'm telling you, and, you know,

there's people at home listening going, Joy, what the fuck you took. I believe in, the thing with Seattle was that I spoke to somebody one time. They said, Bremerton. Bremerton, Washington, which is 45 minutes outside Seattle. If that, is a Navy base. It's one of those bases. I'm sorry. I don't know.

I think it's a Navy, if I'm correct. But they have the submarines there that shoot out to the rest of the world. The reason why the submarines are there is because it's the deepest point in the United States where the submarines can go down. A lot of people are not. Look it up on repeat. I'm dropping knowledge on you, motherfuckkers here. That's why they have the subs there.

It's a lowest point. And, you know, in my mind, yeah. Joey, you're a fucked up guy. You were doing coke. in drugs and eating a fucking stripper, sure you got bad luck coming your way. And I thought that that part of it was her bad luck because she was a fucking thief.

A strippers nothing but a fucking thief. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're fucking thieves. I love them. I respect what they do. They're out there. They're a thief without a gun. Their gun is their fucking snatch. And that's how they get you and they're taking for fucking $100 a day. I've been a victim. I was in the halfway house

sometime. Sell him blow. And I bumped into a Korean with fake tits that was banging. I gave her everything. I snorted, but I had my hand in her asshole. I deep in her ass. Was she a she though? Because the Korean with fake tits. You got your hand in her asshole.

She was a she drinking. I was eating a pussy at the strip club. Oh, nice. I was in the halfway house. I was two months from getting married. I didn't give a fuck at that time. I was 28 years old, 29. I had already done time.

I didn't give a fuck. I went in there. So I understand it. I get the whole mentality. But a stripper, the mentality is a take up for you. You're a fucking trick. You're a trick.

Hey, baby. Yeah. I'm going to college. I'm supporting. My dad, he's wounded, he was a vet. You know, I'm just here. I haven't done this. I'm single.

He just broke up with me. Yeah, we'll hook up. Do you want another lap dance? Yeah. We go in the back room where things happen in the back room. What's it cost? $100 fucking. And the next thing you know, you're down a buck 20,

and all you got was your dick rubbed through the fucking jeans. You could have done that yourself with a fake hand and save money. All you would have paid for is shipping and handling, right or wrong. It's through the jeans, too. It's always true. It's a, it's a, it's a wild life. I thought part of the bad karma was living with that fucking freak. But who knew?

Who knew what was going on, you know? You had some bad luck up there. Now, you were, you were drafted by the Seahawks? Yeah, I was drafted by the Seahawks. And you went up there, everything was beautiful. The sun only shines in the summertime. Fucking October comes. It's rainy as fuck.

What were you thinking? I wasn't really thinking about the weather initially because it didn't wear on me yet. I was so into like, I'm playing ball and then I'm partying on my free time. You know what I mean? And sometimes, waiting while I'm playing ball like all right I got to get out of here I got to go you know it's time to go out and this whole thing but uh I got into a run in with them uh the cops uh in Bellevue and I'm at a bar there's this bar called the Munch Bar right just this like that was where

the football players were going at this time it was in Bellevue and I walk outside and I'm you know I'm pissed drunk literally and I go into like a little like side little alleyway and it's in this really it's Bellevue so it's rich town right it's like in this really like nice, uh, little mall strip area and the bar is in there. And I'm taking a piss out on the side and one of these like mall cop guys sees me, right? And he grabs me. And he's like, you're, you're, you're, your band. You're never allowed to come back here. And I'm like, okay, sure. And he writes me like a legitimate, like a band, like a writ, you know, old ass 1970s, you know, like, and signs it and gives it to me. And I just threw it away. Same thing.

And, uh, I come back because that's where everybody went, right? So next time I come back with one of my buddies and this dude's like freaking he's got like four inches on me three inches on me and another 30 pounds just a huge dude and uh we're outside uh of one of the mall places and they had already seen me the security guards had seen me in the mall and then called the cops and like rated me out so i'm outside when these places i'm smoking a j with this guy and uh the cop rolls right up on us like right pull the car that car right there and we're like oh fuck no so we throw it and we just start running, right? And we're just trucking it. And I'm wearing like fucking like moccasins and like whatever. And he's a huge dude. And honestly, I feel like we're running like a four,

three 40. Like just flying because I feel like they're going to tase me. You know, they have the new tasers with the, um, they can shoot you from far away and that like all cops are carrying these tasers. So I'm like really feeling like I'm going to get tased. So my back's tight. I'm like running as fast as I can. We rip through this apartment that he still had a key to that used to live in. So we, we think we're good. We're going to beat him here, right? Because the main door takes a key. Cop catches the door and he's still running after us in the hallway. Then we did like the old split up at the end of the hallway where I went out the back exit door. He went up the stairs, right? And then we just go. And I'm hiding in the bushes. The cops are driving by.

I've lost them now. The cops are driving by. I can hear all their shit. And I call an Uber actually and have them meet me in the corner. I run into the Uber jump in and get out of there, right? So I evaded them again. And I just kept going back there because I thought it was a joke. I thought it was actually kind of fun. It was like, fuck them. Whatever. They didn't catch me. Like, who cares? They're not fast. So called the getaway car for Uber? From Uber, yeah. You get like an Uber black or anything?

It was Uber black, yeah. And the guy loved it. The guy, like, was all about it. I jumped in the back and he could tell there was like this sense of urgency. And I was talking, I'm like, look, man, I'm like, I'm not going to lie to you. We got the hell out of here right now. You're going to shut Uber down. Dude.

And he just, and he loved it. He's like, I got you. Don't worry. I got you. I'm like, thanks. I appreciate that. And so the third time they finally got me. And it was like, I felt like fucking.

I felt like fucking. I felt like fucking John Gotti. Because I'm sitting at this restaurant. I'm eating dinner. And I got my buddies with me. And I think a couple girls, maybe my girlfriend. And I see this cop out of the corner of my eye walk in. And I'm like, oh, fuck.

And I instantly, reactionally, look out the back door to see if I can run there. Right? Another cop right there. And so I was surrounded, clearly. And the worst is they get me. They bring me outside. It's like a busy fucking night in Bellevue. Everyone's there watching.

I got, you know, the cuffs. You know, they do the whole thing. They're reading me. my rights do you understand they bring the paddy wagon because I'm too big for the car so they brought a paddy wagon and loaded me into the paddy wagon and every time I get arrested now the few times I have I'm always in a paddy wagon because I'm too fucking big for the cop car so they got to wait and they got to call this giant you know short bus for prisoners and I got to go ride on that thing to jail and that's that was the experience now you get out the next day who's on the phone

with you first I got to call Pete I call well I get out yeah and I call Tom Cable up immediately because I'm like, I'm going to beat them. I'm beating this to the punch right here. And Pete actually, like, he kind of laughed a little because he was like, really? Like, for pissing? Like, that's what they, that's what they wanted you for? It was amazing. How serious they got.

Crazy serious. Crazy. And they were, they honestly, I got into some shit in Chicago. And they were easier on me in Chicago, which was way worse than they were in Bellevue. The Bellevue judge was so serious. I was more worried about Bellevue, which was not. Nothing. Then I wasn't, it was crazy.

They probably just don't have much. It's like they have to make a big deal out of it or else. King County Jail is a real fucking, it's, it's, there's some real fucking crazy people up there. That weather makes you react a weird way. So everything's fucking weird. But it's amazing where the biggest cities, because they have more going on, the police programs, a little bit more lenient. They'll listen to your story a little more. They'll turn you around.

They'll take it to the station and say, listen. We found weed on you and we found a little blow. We look at your record. You're not a bad guy. We're going to make believe the blow didn't exist. And you're sitting there going, okay, I can live with this. You're a nice person. Just get out, man, right?

Exactly. You got to son your age. The guy who'll talk to you. They'll throw the weed on you. They'll kick this. They'll get rid of the warrant. It's when you show respect and you act kindly towards the cops. But Seattle, they were like machines.

Yeah, they were like machines They didn't want to listen, we're here to arrest you What do you mean? Well, the laying next door said One time I went on a Monday I don't know if you know Josh Wolfe No Chelsea lately

I was his roommate Yeah, I've heard of a man And we were roommates And one day on a Monday I go He goes, what are you going to do that? I go nothing because you want to hit an ecstasy I got one left over the show I had in my pocket I was going to do it the weekend

But I go down to fucking Swanis There's some people down it's like 11 in the morning people were drinking yeah people told them about getting a package what the fuck i just do a little i got i got 12 bucks let me do a fucking shot yeah lie to people and do a fucking hit of ecstasy and all of a sudden the ex calls me the stripper she pages me and she goes come down i miss you i fucking i fucking rucked i just did x i'm ready to get my dick suck i get a cab i go right to fucking out-tie beach and i get in the thing i rip her clothes off we got under bed we start fucking next thing out, boom, boom, boom, boom,

Seattle police. She told the fucking neighbor, she saw me to call the cops, the cops, they come to the door, there's a restraining order still. We both have on each other. But no, that time I hit under the bed. That's the time I hit under the bed naked, and they drew their guns out because I was so fat, the bed

kept going up and down. Fuck, yeah, fuck yeah. They can't, over that. Over that. They arrested me that time. They fucking took me out of the house shirtless. They fucked up my shoulders. I started getting off on the X while I was getting fingerprinted. This is fucking Chris.

Seattle for me was 18 months of fucking craziness. Yeah. But then, guess what happens? One Christmas fucking week with comedy slow as shit that week that they had like a shitty headliner coming Friday instead of Thursday night. And they had local comics go up on Wednesday and Thursday and do like... And I was one of the guys they picked. And one of the craziest things happened.

And all this madness. The guy goes, Joe Diaz, my name is whatever. Chuck was his name. Really a nice fucking guy. He was like, I need to talk to you about something. He was an executive producer of a show named Bronx County. And we got, what's his name to direct? Some big-time director.

He ended up on the Sopranos as an actor. And he goes, we're going to have this cop show. And we really want you to play the bartender. This is a true story. And I'm like, this happens to people in L.A. And the guy's like, we're going to call you January 3rd, give us your info. and get you a plane ticket to come down and read for it.

If everything works out, we'll pay for the move, the whole thing. I mean, so at the end of that whole 18-month bullshit, that's what came up. Yeah. And then as I was going to leave Seattle, I got a letter in the mail. Like, I was ready to shoot at this thing. They're like, yeah, come down. I got a letter in the mail. You got to go to the court Friday for probation violation.

And they're like, no, they're going to throw you in for nine months. And I went there and told the judge the truth. And he goes, this is what I'm going to do. get the fuck out of Seattle don't come back for two or three fucking years take the anger management classes and get your life together good luck but don't ever come back

he's like you're like band from the fucking state and that was it that was 1997 and 98 I never went back it was two years of hell on top of the three I'd just gone through in Boulder with the ex-wife and the kid

yeah and me wanted to fucking stabber in the neck and all that shit so Seattle is weird, man. Seattle is a weird place. It really is. Now, you're going through all this shit playing football. That must be even weird.

Listen, man, when you walk in here, I'm an East Coast guy. I grew up with crazy kids, and I know I have a sweetheart of a guy, but you're the type of guy when you go, you go. You're an offensive line. When you go, you go. Your motherfucker's a crazy.

You know what it is? You get really good at the double life. You know what I mean? You get really good at, like, playing, like, And obviously everyone knew in football like I was a partier, but you get good at like you don't know how I party. Maybe I just drink beer, but really, you know, you're in the party life. You're doing whatever you want to do. And then you come to football and you do that shit hard as hell and you're good.

You know what I mean? It's like both sides of the, but it does. It wears on you. You know, it gets like, this shit's kind of hard. I mean, I'm not stopping, but this shit is really kind of hard doing both. You know, I catch a nap. If I want to pick up that G-boat and see the fucking devil. It's my whole thing that I realized seven, eight years after not doing powder and shit,

I still smoke dope. I love it. It calms me down. If I didn't smoke, I'd stab people. No. And the thing that always bothered me about doing drugs, that people add, people add the blame to drugs for a lot of things. And for me, it wasn't the shit I did on the drugs. It's my behavior off the drugs.

That was always for me. When I was on drugs, you don't see me. I didn't do drugs in fucking public. I stopped doing coke in public in 1994. After 94 and 93, I was in the dungeon, Jack. I already had beer there. I had food for the next morning. I had everything so you wouldn't see me at all in that condition.

The only person that would see me in that condition if I called a woman at like 2 in the morning to come over. And I get cleaned up for her to come over and knock off. I'd take a shower and wash my asshole. You gotta get cleaned up for me. I'd eat the inside of an orange. Does that work?

They always said, I used to know this Colombian guy in Jersey called Loco that used to carry Coke in Leaves. In 84, he used to fucking get that. We were kids inside of a... He always had Coke inside of leaves, Coca-Leaves. He would go right to Colombian, come back, and he'd have the leaves with the Coke in the fucking leaves, even though it was illegal.

Now it's big. People in the States are bringing Coca-Levers And they're chewing them. And they're chewing them. Up in the hills of fucking Hollywood. They pay like $2,000 for a fucking leaf. No shit. People give them a leaf.

You know what I just heard about? And it was like close to making me relapse was fucking pink coke. Have you heard of this shit? Pink cocaine? Apparently pink cocaine is like the big, the biggest thing right now. It's like the purest shit you can get. Right. That's how it started out in the 80s.

It was fucking pink. It was all pink. It was beautiful. I've never even seen pink cocaine. I'm writing this chapter now. Just fucking around. Because sometimes when you're writing something, you focus too much on what you're writing on.

So what I did was I got a side chapter. And that's it. It was just cocaine. And I talk about how, you know, I start, like, people in this country do not want to believe this. Everybody always says, no, marijuana is not a gateway drug. I'm fucking sorry. I got this party started because I smoked a joint and heard paranoid.

And that's it. After you hear panic, then you put on Led Zeppelin, not for the one with the fucking house of the holy on it in the ocean and all that shit i was done i was gone i was gone after that so if that sounded that good on reefer how would it and i started experimenting with microdod acid you weren't even itching your dad what was that shit like because i always think of what the old uh lsdd was like so i would mess around with these little microdots there were a dot lisa i had a little dot and purple brown blue green. It all came in weird colors.

And it would just jizz you out, but you were hallucinating. And some people said it was rap poise and whatever. Listen, I fuck. Some people said it was rap poise. I fucking tripped my ass off. I tripped my ass off. I loved it so much.

Like, at one point I was just, no, way before, I had done that shit for about a year. I experimented. Me and my friends on Friday nights would take it and walk around. And we would drink three beers. I was maybe 13, 14. Yeah.

We drink three beers, like an A-pack between three of us. Yeah, that's normal. And then we tripped for like fucking 10 hours and you went home and I'd watch, like, I had like the map of the Mb, the McDonald's, All-Star,

all-American team on my wall, Michael Corrin, and they started like going V. Yeah. I had a picture of Julius Irving, dunking, like, and he didn't move, he didn't stop and go, hi, how are you? No. It's never like that. It's just a thing. Yeah.

And then after that, in the eighth grade, I got fucking zapped. My friend, Vinnie Lynch, God bless his soul. He was like three or four years older than me. He said, you want to go. He goes, I got a ticket. This is why I treat you like I do, Lisa, yeah, okay? Because there's no fucking coming back. He took me down to Philadelphia to see the Rolling Stones.

This is the summer of 80 fucking, this is the summer of 78. They just put out that, who, who, who, who, who. I'm in the fucking eighth grade. I'm going to be a freshman in high school. And he goes, I got a free ticket for you. Come far, and it was the opening act. We drove to Philadelphia. He got a hotel room.

A bunch of us went in the fuck. They were like 16, 17. I was 13. A bunch of my buddies went because they had older brothers. They took care of us. And one night, Vinnie Lynch came and he goes, listen, man, I got window pain acid. And that was the devil. Like batter the shit.

That was good shit. Yeah. It was that and the shit they put in your eyes. I hadn't done the shit they put in my eyes. eyes. So first I did the window pain acid Lee and it was like the way you feel. This is why I live. What are they putting in your eyes? No, hold on

we'll get to that later. That's a full go! We never do that for you. I would rather get I would have to do heroin and then get something in the guy. No, Lee, you have no idea. I don't know like I dropped. And I put the fucking, I took the window pain acid

and I think it took like 40 minutes and it started and it cooked. This thing cooked right away. Like right away you heard shit. It got low in the room. It got high. The lights would turn down.

Like your eyes would dilate and the color in the light. Also, that light would turn blue. This whole room. That blue from the Israeli flag would get really strong. It would dominate the room. And also in all three of us, we got to go out. And then I remember going downstairs in the elevator. And that was the first time I thought my head was really, really going to blow up at the age of 13.

Like, I had just come back from basketball. from fucking five-star basketball camp with athletes, with Dominique Wilkins as a counselor. And here I am with these long-haired fucking rock in Jersey, fucking dropping window pain acid. And they take me into that fucking outside thing. Wherever in Philadelphia, I don't want to give names, because then I forget the name of these auditoriums

and people fucking chastised me on Twitter. It was where the fucking Eagles played. And we went in there and the fucking stuff. And he came out with like an American flag. flag on him or some shit. And I'm tripping my balls off thinking this guy's not even fucking American. He's fucking English, but I don't give a fuck.

Take that, and he was just great. It was something. And after that, we went to with his moat. Philadelphia in those days had like a, like think of how fucking crazy you were. Like, what could be in that water? Like there was streets, and then on the streets, you know, you have those little islands in the middle of the streets.

Streets are going this way and streets are going that way. Yeah. And you have that thing in the middle. They had little things with water in them. we jumped in it like it was fucking a river that thing could have lice and leeching it and shit that's a lot worse than numbers but that acid trip was in my mind

it was 20 hours late 20 hours of light change and you pissing and thinking nothing's coming out of my dick and then you can walk out and that was those were the best tripping years you're a kid you're a fucking kid and you're just giggling and all of something like I would call you

we'd say look I'm playing football and my brother's a fucking cop. Don't say nothing, but I want to try acid. But take care of me. And I go, I got you, John. Yeah, yeah. And we go to a party. We only you and I knew we were tripping.

And you go talk to girls, and I go talk to Lee. But this is why I love this. Because every, like, 18 minutes, on the minute, I turn around and you turn around. And we make eye contact and go, and we go right back to the whole. That's the whole. That's why when you make.

Make that connection. Yeah. That's why you can't wait to do it again. That's rare now. That's rare these days because I always tripped like alone a lot of times. And I'd be the guy going out like alone. Like I'm tripping. And it doesn't ground you at all.

Like that's a great grounding tool because you can look at the guy and be like, we got this. We're together. When you're alone tripping, you're like, oh my God, maybe you listen to people's shit. And you're like, oh, me. I'm not seeing it. I'm not hearing it correctly. Maybe I'm wrong.

This is not good. This is getting overwhelming. This is too much. I got really mushrooms was my thing. I'm from the East Coast like you. Growing up on the East Coast, we weren't introduced to mushrooms. We didn't have a setiva weed from California.

I grew up with brown weed from Jamaica. Yeah. And then we didn't have a lot of things. I got introduced to mushrooms in Aspen, Colorado, 4th of July, 1983. John Denver was fucking playing at the Children's Foundation. I got some mushrooms and went to a bridge. And I loved the feeling, but I didn't like the diarrhea.

Yeah. I didn't like the going. to the back of my asshole. Feel is weird. Is that toilet paper stuck to my asshole? I didn't get that a lot. Maybe there's a first time thing? I got it.

Yeah. But I was more of... Your diarrhea when you do mush them? Some people react to their stomachs. It's not like I said in that thing. You're inside the fucking toilet. Shit and thinking how many trees that they cut to get that toilet paper.

I swear to God. That's what I was thinking about. I never forget that. That's why I didn't like it. How strong were the things you gave me a few months ago? Like those soaked ones from Indianapolis? The mushrooms, they were strong.

Because I never, like, hallucinated. No, we didn't. It felt like light weed. Okay. They didn't give you enough to hallucinate. So, small amounts of it are awesome, then. It's even better than weed. Yeah, no.

I think large amounts are awesome. I think the only way to really, that's the Terrence McKenna, like, do a large amount of the shit and really get ripped out of the body. Or gram or a gram. His thing was five grams. Five grams. And I did it once. I did five grams right before. Right before rehab.

I was like, I'm going to rehab. This shit sucks. I was in my house in Seattle. I was going to come down to Malibu. And my girlfriend left for the day and no one was in the house. And I was like, all right, I got all these. I had like eight grams of mushrooms.

So I'm like, I'm like listening to Terrence McKenna. And he's like, you got to do the recommended dose. It's like five grams. And then you'll really, it'll change your universe. I'm like, fuck it. All right. So I do like five. Maybe you'll eat it.

And I, you know, you eat it. And then you're kind of just playing the waiting game, but you try not to think about it. Right? And he's like doing it. He's like, this is so intense. You need to be ready. And you need to start singing songs and shit and get your mind like in the right place. So I'm alone singing songs in my smoke room, right?

And, you know, it's like been a been, I don't know how long. That's the name of your book. That's right. Yeah. I'm alone singing songs in my smoke room. So I'm, you know, in my mind, it's been a long time. And I'm like, I'm like, all right, I'm going to get ready for the day. I'm going to take a shower.

You get, it's 11 in the morning. So when I started, I'm thinking it's around. you know afternoon it's time to get out take a shower i get dressed i get all dressed and ready everything's ready to go i'm looking in the mirror i'm throwing darts getting ready i'm look in the mirror um like you're good you're time to go out look at the clock it's fucking been 20 minutes it has been 20 minutes and the trip hasn't even started yet and i'm already like on the moon and after that it was like a it was one of the like scary and the most thrilling experiences of my life i mean absolutely horrifying to the point where like maybe I'll never be the same again but then at the

same time like the excitement of like maybe I'll never fucking be the same again like it's uh it's there's a different mindset to tripping and doing that type of stuff when you're younger I mean you're an offensive lineman I don't know any fuck like yeah you either meet a Christian offensive lineman or they're out of their fucking mind okay you either meet a Christian or they're out of their minds, and that's how they have to be in their job. I don't know their job, but they're blocking fucking guerrillas all day. They're blocking men that are, you know, that they made it to the NFL. They all do four-two fucking 40s.

Strong as shit. Strong as shit, you know. It was something that I could never imagine at the professional level. I mean, and you started at a young age of football. Yeah, it's about eight, eight years old. And you were all-American, the whole thing. All-American college, yeah, the whole thing. Yeah, third round drafted.

And, uh, yeah, it was Wisconsin. Four years. Oh, my God. Five years in Wisconsin. Five years in Wisconsin. Redshirted. Oh. Greatest time of my life.

That's where I learned to drink. That's where I really learned how to drink, like the right way. Like, you know, you don't stop. And, uh, oh, my God. Wisconsin was, you know what's, I was just talking to my, uh, my quarterback. Scott Tolzeen and he's with the Green Bay Packers now. And I was like, he was giving me all the old stories. Because I've, I literally forget like 80% of that shit that went down

there you know that's a college is for yeah this dude was lucid this was my he was my roommate and he was like the straight edge you know quarterback you know what i mean and he remembers he remembers all of it and i was saying i'm like scott man i'm so glad you were so lucid throughout college or else this would have all been lost all of this i don't remember remember maybe five to ten stories all around games or wins and then the rest is just just at a bar it's all the same scene at a are you win a championship up there we won a big 10 championship and then we went to the rose bowl i'm fucking believable yeah the rose bowl what a feeling is that as a when we won um we beat northwestern and we won the big 10 championship and everybody rushes the field and they're

fucking losing their mind and then they're like we're going to the rose bowl we found that one out the roses are everywhere i didn't remove a rose from my fucking face for like 24 hours right and then the town like it's the first one rose bowl in 15 years and the town's like losing their mind And so we go out and we're partying and I'm in this place called the Essen House and there's these boots of beer, right? And everyone's there. We're all just getting freaking shitty. And I'm talking to this professor at Wisconsin and we're talking about, he's like a science professor. So we're talking about the universe and all this shit, right?

And we get so deep into it. We turn around and all my boys are gone. They went to the next bar, right? So the professor, he's like, I'm like, hey, professor, do you want to come to the next bar with us? We'll continue the conversation about the universe. He's like, of course. And so I got a freshman with me, and we all go out. And the bouncer, I'm leaving.

I know the bouncer. He's like, you know that guy's totally fucked up, right? I'm like, he's fine. He's a scientist. And the guy's like, the guy, he's like, fine. Good luck taking your future in your hands. I'm like, man, fuck you. So we get in the car and we're driving down the street, right?

And I'm still talking, the car is like fogged out. Like, so you can imagine when it smells like in there, but the windows are fogged, right? And it's Wisconsin, middle of winter. It's freezing ass cold. All of a sudden, the berries go up behind us, and we get, pulled over and I'm like what the fuck could be going wrong the cops come up this is the same night we had our Christmas party so we're all wearing like tight ass like like you know Christmas fruity Christmas sweaters and shit and the one cop two female cops one comes to the right side there

goes to his side right and the other one she pulls him out and she's giving him the sobriety test okay and I know we're fucked so I'm looking at the cop and I'm like listen I'm like I don't even know this guy so we're good right I didn't know the rule she's like yeah you're not driving you you know you're an idiot you're fine Like, oh, thank God. Because I was planning it to run, right? I was telling the freshman we're going to run, you know, the usual. Fucking scientist gets back in the car three minutes later, right?

Looks at me in the eyes. I swear to Christ, he was cross-eyed. And he goes, I passed the eye exam. And they let us go. And they fucking let us go all the way down the rest of the one-way road into the next bar. And that same night, another one of my buddies got picked up by the cops in a snowbank in the road. and they just brought him back to his house. No one said shit.

The whole town was like, whatever you want to do, you can do it. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. He beat the fucking. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So now it's your senior year. Yeah. You know you're getting drafted. You have an agent. Everybody's knocking on your fucking door.

Yeah. What teams are you looking at originally? So they, they, it's totally on the teams. Like, you have no, um, I mean,

who was, last guy, Eli Manning was the last guy to say, oh, fuck this, I'm going to the Giants, right? But since then, no one says, shit, like the team picks you based on, you know, your draft position, your value, that's it. So when I got, I got a call like a week before the draft from Seattle. And they were like, hey, do you have any qualms about coming to Seattle? And I was like, I saw the side of the fucking country. Yeah, no, that sounds good.

And then sure enough, they draft me. They didn't ask me, shit. We were at the combine? They didn't even interview me. Everyone else you got freaking Jeff Ireland from the Miami Dolphins. He's asking me if I'm an alcoholic and shit, how many problems I have, why I'm so fat all the time. Like sometimes I'm like 330, 3.30, 3.40. What are you weighing now?

290. You look great. Thank you. And you were 340 when you're in college. Oh, yeah, yeah. You got to be. Yeah. That's what they're fucking pay you for the fucking run around and tackle motherfuckers.

That's what I said. And I said, and I said I drink a good amount. I eat a lot of fried food when I'm drinking. You're in college. That's what I said to do that. You know, you're at 24 year. You're a 20. 22 year old football player who's been fucking hitting it

nine to 10 months a year because in the summers, you still lift weights. To be an All-American, that doesn't mean you sit there and scratch your balls and muscles don't just fucking grow on you. You've got to do shit. I remember just playing high school ball in the shit we did in the summers. I can't move my arms today because they're behind the neck presses

and front of the neck presses. I'm done, and I was just a fucking peon. I can't imagine a guy that's an All-American. You got to bang it out. So 22 years in college, your team is on the board. Everybody's sucking your dick, right? You're in college football. Listen, I watch eight minutes of fucking pro football a year anymore.

I just don't have the time. I hear you. And then I watch 10 minutes of college ball. You know, when you're a kid and you're Cuban and you come to this country and you see college football on Sundays, Oklahoma against Alabama, and you put it on and they come out with a fucking horse. First thing you said to yourself was, I love to play college football.

Fuck the pros. Fuck the pros. To win the national championship. Oh, yeah. And then to have a regular career, I could see it happening. Oh, yeah. I could see that those guys that do those 30 for 30s

when the Houston, when the North Carolina team got together and talked like that, that's friendship. That's something that lasts. You never forget that, you know? I'm happy. I still remember the kids on my bitty basketball team. Yeah. You know, I mean, we had a play in the eighth grade called your mother.

That was the emergency play. Because when you're taking the ball out, just saying your mother just shocks everybody, especially from the East Coast. But your mother, your mother, everybody was scrambled. Me and these kids, you know, we were like fucking 0 and 9 in basketball. In the eighth grade, we all practiced hard. We got together in the summer. We ran plays.

There was this guy in the neighborhood that played pro ball. We got them to come up and show us plays. And he showed us this fucking easy basketball. thing he goes it always works but you got a shock I'm on the gate you got to come up with something like how about your mother he's like that's perfect it'll work and we had this kid on the team he was dominican but it was the east coast we didn't care you and an afro so he was louis he was dominican we just called them louis the niggins it was louis the nigger me chucky mcbrine good old chavid ruiz and somebody else is on that fucking team I don't even know

what I'm talking about I gotta stop eating these edibles right so your mother Your mother. The point is we had, you know, you build this bond, even at that level, even at that little kid level. I'm sure you play peewees. They're still, you know, my neighbor, North Bergen, which is a big football school. Oh, yeah. The coach, God rest is so. They accused him the year he won the states of going out and recruiting people in high school, which everybody was doing at the time.

Yeah. They just wanted him. Them and Don Bosco, right? Those are the two big ones. Don Bosco Tech. Yeah, Don Bosco Tech. And in basketball, the Hurleys have been doing it for 30. 30 fucking years.

When I was in the eighth grade waiting, they didn't talk to me. Yeah. They talked to me with the superstar basketball camp. And they were like, you should move to Jersey City. Oh, just like that. Moot the fucking Jersey City. Yeah. Yeah.

So now you're in Seattle. Fresh year. What's going on? You're starting? Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, I was starting. Yeah, I started the first eight games and blew my knee out.

The ninth. Damn. Yeah. Yeah, blew it like good. Like, just cracked in half, like, fucked up. Like, did it so good that, you know, you're on the ground. You're like, all right, that'll be a year. That's just a year right there, you know.

And, oh yeah, yeah. But I mean, shit, when I went out to Seattle, I was a rookie. And it was awesome. It was fucking awesome. It kept, there was just like this like, this period of time from, I think it was the winning. You know, when you win, you know what I mean? Like when we were seniors, you win, win, win, win, win all the way through, get into the NFL, get drafted a good place. It was the lockout year, if you remember.

So when I got, so I wasn't, couldn't be talked to nothing right after the draft until like literally August 1st when we started camp. And I just showed up to camp and then we were on. And then we did a month. And then, I mean, that shit was just fast. Like learning. I mean, the NFL jump is, like, if the high school to college jump is big, the college to NFL jump is like maybe right around the same. Or it's big. It's a big jump.

First two weeks of practice. After you've made the squad. Yeah. So I remember talking my dad. I remember the, we had a day that it was like right before. we put on you know they ease you into pads right so like you have three days like nothing and then you have two days of like half pads and then you go full right so like the third day of like no pads like i was out there i remember to call my dad after practice i'm like man i think i can this shit's not you know

i'm doing good this is easy right and like because my speed was good and everything like that fucking pads come on just like a whole new level you know i mean whole new speed everything and then you get that it's a mind fuck because you always are thinking can i do this shit so then the next, literally the next day we go on pads. I'm just fucked up. I mean, you're a rookie. You're getting your ass kicked, right? And then I'm doing that like, oh, my God, man.

I don't know if I am going to. And then you kind of even out. You adjust to the speed. You play some preseason games. You ball out a little. And then it's on. And then every week is just like the second you hit Tuesday, even Sunday after the game, some guys are going.

But like the second you hit Tuesday, it's work your ass off. You got Tuesday, Wednesday, Wednesday's like a lighter day. Fridays is a walk through. Saturday's an hour. And then you're in at night. And then Sunday's the game. So it's really fast. And then when you're smoking dope, like every single day, because I found out, I didn't do any smoking when I was in college because it was like highly illegal on CAA testing.

Like you can't fuck with that. When I found out in the pros that it's like the once of your bullshit, well, I was right back on the train. So I was doing the, I like went right back to like, oh yeah, yeah, go home, study your playbook. And you know, in Seattle, that rain, I grow some good fucking refra up there, Jack. The whole thing. The whole thing. And it was just, I was right about. We knew it was getting legal.

Like it was, we were getting close because the year after, maybe two years after they completely legalized it. It sounds like you have like a lot of free time. So is that like, not that you're not working hard. You probably get in there really early in the morning, but then you're probably out of there by what,

four or five? Yeah. And then just have nothing to do? All night. Yeah. And I mean, shit, I'm a guy that goes to sleep at like two, one,

no matter what. So you have five to one. And then, and then you're good. And then when you're on the road, you can't do anything. Like, you just can't.

You're stuck in the hotel room. them. That's, you know, a lot of guys actually go out a lot on the road. A lot of guys will get in, like if you get in on a Friday, guys will go out Friday night and some guys are crazy enough to go out Saturday night. Yeah. There was a dude who got sent back from the Super Bowl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Offense linemen. Oh my God. That happens. I've, I never, I couldn't understand it because when I, when I, when we traveled, we went to the hotel, like I'd still sneak my shit on and I'd smoke it like the night before or whatever and then Friday, but I would never go out, never go out. Saturday night. No, hell no.

I wouldn't even go out Friday night. I wouldn't drink. Like, I knew drinking was like the devil as far as that. No movie. No movie. A steak. Yeah,

you eat a nice, you know, I'd rent a movie at the hotel room and eat a, eat a nice dinner and the whole thing. But like, like team provided all that shit. But guys were going out to drink Friday, Saturday night.

And like, and I would hear about that champ. Like, oh my God, how are you drinking the night before a game or two nights before a game? But like some dudes, it's just, it's amazing what dudes can,

you know, I mean, I'll tell. Well, listen, Showtime is showtime. Showtime, showtime. Showtime is showtime.

You know, whatever the fuck you did the night before, it all ends right there. That's why he made it to that fucking level. Exactly. You know, Joe Namath will go out and get slashed the night before. That's the right on the street. Slash. That's how people would gamble in those days. They'd go out on Saturday nights and they'd see how late he'd stay out.

They'd follow him. And then they'd start making calls, dog. I'm out of fucking diner with Joe Namath. He's still snort and blow. Bet against him right fucking now. You know? He hasn't stopped. He's starting to blow into the table.

And look, the Roberto Durant just walked in. You know, it was crazy. So that's how that thing, and there's some guys, it's funny. I used to work for a sports betting service. And the nights on Friday night, I would go home because he cuts you a deal. He'd say, look, you go home Friday at like four. But if you stay until 9, I'll put a show on, and people will call and you guys get those leads. And I'll give you $150 cash.

$150 is all I need for an eight ball. and make dirty vints, deliver the airport, right to the fucking office. Dirty Vince? I wouldn't do a bump until I got out of there, nine, I'd go home and get slashed. I wouldn't do that last line. We had to be in at 7th to sell college football on Saturdays.

I wouldn't be until 7. I would do the last line at 20 to fucking 7. Oh, I'd be so coaked up by going there and just put tissue paper up my nose and pitch, call people. What's going on, Cuckucker? Grab your credit card. Do you know those days I'd go in there,

whacked? I would do better than you. the other day of the week because I was unconscious in the zone man I was literally unconscious so I was working the pitch correctly I was working all my automatic uh you know when you go back and forth with people banter I don't know if it's the same with sports I didn't play at that professional type level I think it is I really do I never I guess maybe because of offense a line or whatever or how I felt I never risked drinking too close to a game but when I was in college and in the NFL during the week we drink all week and so I'd come into practice just you know like just clear vodka

sweat you know and you would get into the zone where you'd be like all right you know everything's all fucked up I'm fucked up but I just got to be right here right now and you think like in that like incremental little oh I got to do this right now and honestly it puts you in the zone and you're good and maybe that's what it's like with a lot of guys is just fuck it you know so now you play it after a season eight games you get hurt what happens you come back a year later yeah came back year later and kind of went back and forth like was working on the comeback so I was being like used as like a utility guy

which fucking pissed me off because I was I was a player and they had a guy good friend of mine J.R. Sweezy they converted him from D-Line so they were giving him a lot of chances early on and I was being like really steady the whole way through with a

fucked up knee so we finished that year and the next year I was getting so pissed off about like getting jerked around I felt I went into Pete's room, his office, and I asked him for a trade. I was like, I think you should just trade me. I was like, because I'm not going to like, you know, you say that this is all about competition, but I think that's bullshit.

And you guys are playing favorites. And I think you should just get me out of here because I'm not going to be like the best, the trooper. You know what I mean? Right. And he was basically like, no, that's, you know, that's not the reality of things. And then it got, I mean, I kept them in there for like 30 minutes. Like I wouldn't, like, I'm not going to do like you're the boss.

I'll just, you know, take it in the ass and then be happy about it. So I could tell that really pissed him off, right? So he waited, though, for like the best time to trade me, which was fucking two weeks into camp my third year. Two weeks into camp and he trade me to the Cleveland Browns. The shittiest team ever, right? And the fucked up thing was I would still be fine if it was the Cleveland Browns because they sucked. I would have walked right in and started and been good. But they were fucking around because they didn't want to pay me my regular contract.

track. So then they went in and they tried to say there was something wrong with my knee. So I'm in the Browns thing. And they put me right when I get in. They fly me there. First all, they're like, you're getting traded. That day, that night, they try to fly me out. I was like, fuck you guys. I'll fly out in the morning. Okay. I'm not leaving tonight. I got a pack. I got to do shit. I have to smoke 10 blunts. All my weeds here. I got to figure out how I'm going to get it there. I got to call someone in Cleveland. Fuck you. So I get out there and they bring me right to the hospital and they MRI me. Right to the hospital. Don't even go to the team. I go right to the hospital, I get MRI'd. I meet with the doctor. The doctor is actually like a good doctor and says,

hey, do you want to meet, you want to see your, your MRI shit? Do you want to see your knee? I was like, I would. He shows me all of it. He's like, you got arthritis. That's normal. Everything else looks fine. You did a good surgery. You're, you're repaired up. Everything's good, right? Perfect. Go back to the Brown's training camp. My agent calls, he goes, they want you to take half of your contract. I said, tell them to get fucked. Like, no, it's half my contract. And I got traded. Traded stays intact. So they didn't like that. They bring me up, like, two hours later, they bring me up to the head coach.

And he's like, we're going to pass. We're going to fail you on the physical because you're knee. So it's a clever way to avoid the trade, right? And I was like, well, you can't do that because I saw my MRIs and you're a fucking liar. So then he just walks out of the room. He just walks right out of the room. And he grabs, I don't know where he went, right? What is this man, Jeannie?

Chudnovsky. Okay. Chib, the one right after him, I think, right? And so he goes and gets like the athletic trainer, the guy that tapes ankles. And they bring me down to like the president, the GM, like all the big, you know, the big guys. And we're sitting in the conference room. And he leaves and he's going to get like another medical guy. And I'm talking to the GM or whatever.

And I'm like, yo, man, I'm like, I don't know what you guys are doing here. I get your offense. I've watched some film. Like, I would love to play for you. I want to play. I can play tomorrow. Like, like, let's just stop. The money's the money.

I know you got it. Don't fuck with me, you know. And they were like, they were like, they. They were like, hey, you're making a, honestly, we don't know what's going on because last night we said that's a great addition to the team when we got this trade. The other guy comes in and they try to keep up with the medical thing and I really get pissed off. And this medical guy, the ankle tapers like, he's trying to explain what's wrong in my knee, right? So I let him do his spiel. And then I go, okay, this guy tapes fucking ankles.

The doctor, show me the MRIs. You guys are fucking lying. It's all about money and we all know that. that's fucking stupid because you're not in the position to do this kind of shit over $300,000 and a guard that you're getting for nothing. Honestly, I'm not, I was on a third round contract and the new agreement, it's nothing. And they let me walk right out of there and they traded me to Denver. And that was it.

But after I was like, fuck all of you. Fuck the Browns. I wish you the worst. You're never going to win the end. And then Seattle picked me up and brought me into Denver. The GM from Seattle did me a solid and got me into Denver. And then I'm with fucking Peyton Manning. every day and I'm high as shit in practice because I'm like so I'm hating life right now because

I'm not going to play I'm not going to start and and Denver's when it's getting legalized so I got like all those edibles I got the new I got these morning mints that I'm taking on the way in to work it's like a mint but it wakes you up it's a sativa kind of upper Lee wake up cock suck oh look at the shape of this fucking beauty he's falling asleep oh my god let me see eyeballs go like that It's late. No, I'm not tired. We got fucked up about an hour before they started.

You know, I'm rarely the sober guy in the room, man. I'm rarely the sober guy in the room. Well, you are tonight. You are tonight. It's a nice change-off. Now, you started at Denver. No, I didn't have a chance. If you don't have an offensive line for Peyton Manning by the third week of preseason,

you're a fucking idiot. You know what I mean? And they had great, they had two great guards. They had an okay center. and the tackles were both really solid. So they were lined up. And Peyton's, you know, the offense is, it's complicated. And it makes it more complicated for offensive linemen.

So like where my mindset was because I was so worn out, I'm just like, man, fuck this, fuck this whole system. Fuck all of it. You know what I mean? And that was it. I'm like, I'm going to show up to work. I'm going to clock in my hours and I'm going to go home and smoke this Colorado shit. And that's all I'm going to do.

And that eventually hit like a point. of like fuck even that you know what i mean and then it was like that was it and that's when i eventually just packed it in and left and i couldn't do it i couldn't do it i couldn't do it just like yeah retired i couldn't do i went back home to seattle in the by week and uh i just couldn't do shit what happened went back to seattle had a whole week by week right was with my girlfriend fucking you know hanging out whatever took a ton of mushrooms okay about four days before right like I had to go back and I'm tripping my balls up and I'm like doing the whole like put life in perspective put your whole world in perspective and I was like no it doesn't work doesn't fucking

work for me come down got a day or three to like be real normal get normal for a day or two still feel the same way even though it fucked my head up that it was on a on a mushroom trip that I pretty much said I'm going to quit the NFL right and God forbid I tell any could you imagine telling some ESPN motherfuckers that yeah yeah I dropped some mushroom that's what I should have said though That's what I should have said right off the back because they couldn't get their heads past You're walking away from a million dollars and it became all about that shit You know you came all about like a million and then I had to do this whole like oh you know But the reality was like I really wasn't happy with what I was doing it was like at a point where you know

Where you're just like fuck it and I feel like everyone's gotten to that point you know I mean At some point you get to that point once you see something for what it is and you just go what's the point of doing this shit Exactly Lee hit it cock sucking little tony benton on a Monday here just to break up the show a little bit. You're on fucking fire. You're great, man. It's easy. East Coast, man. It's like being home, yeah. Great. Lee Syatt now. It's ready for another Green Hornet? Never.

I'm sure you are. You're just tough as fucking that's. What this guy's saying. Beautiful. Let me give some shout-outs here real quick. We'll move this right along. waiting for dust. My main man, Renee and Carseone, Tim Woody, Noah, North Shore, Scott, Jason Seagans, naughty Nate, nasty Nate, whatever your fucking name is, Mr. Gonso, Kern Michael, Constantine Rain, and my main man, Juan Vargas. I love you, Cogsuckers. Stay Black. We're here talking to my main man, John Moffitt. You retire, you get to Seattle. How do you end up in L.A.?

Oh, my God. Well, the first time I ended up in L.A. was, for rehab. Okay. Because I went to Malibu passages, which was weird as shit because when I was on my little bender, I kept seeing commercials for that dude. Yes.

I was an addict for 10 years. Who gives a fuck? You're a pussy. Thank you. You got to go another 10, 15 years before you can open up a rehab. I could open up a rehab. You gotta work your stuff for that fucking position.

We hit the air conditioner. We're sweating up a storm in here. Really? I'm freezing. I am. Do you see me? Yeah, me too. Yeah.

Get together. You're slipping. There's a fucking steam bat. I'm freezing. So you. Go to rehab, you get your life together. Yeah, so basically, so when I finish, I'm like, I mean, when I left, I was literally, I was being so blunt and honest as possible.

I'm like, look, I'm just not happy. I don't like this shit. I can't do it, right? And there was no, like, plan B. There was no like, oh, I'll go into this. I had no clue what I was going to do. So I was like, I like radio stuff. I like this.

Maybe I'll just go that way. Thank you, brother. Yeah, thank you. I'm good. I'm good. No, he might need a water. Yeah, let me get a water. I'm good. I'll be peeing until eating

in the fucking morning. How can you be freezing cold? It was a hot day today in L.A. It's a cold day today in L.A. Look at Lisa. A little flying Jew. Look at the physique. He's a savage. I just went to my first Seder out here too. Did you really? Oh, I'm sorry.

That's the worst one for Jews. How's the food? It was terrible. Is it? That's a bad one. No, I mean, like, the brusca is good, but like there's no bread. It's all a matto, which is disgusting. Nobody's, nobody's eating carbs. The Jews don't like cubs. And then you can't have like, you can never have like shrimp or anything with like meat and cheese on the same dish.

It's fucked up. It's a fucking nightmare. You know, I noticed that. They separated everything. Yeah, I thought it was just cleanliness, but. No, it's a godliness. You have to have everything separate plates, dishes. Interesting.

So now you go to rehab, you come out. You're clean a year now? Yeah, I'm clean. Yeah, yeah. And it's been a year. It's been a year. So, uh, I basically hit like a. after I left.

How old are you now? 28. You're a young fucking man. Yeah. You still got the world by the balls. That's what I keep telling myself. You look great? Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah. I feel good. I feel really good. And you're unbreakable with Dave? Yeah. How the fuck did you end up but unbreakable with that savage? So I was kind of part of like a cleaning up and changing shit up.

I was like, all right, I kind of want to train a little bit again. I think, you know, when you, I left the NFL and then I went through this, you know, like just a bender, just a great party. thing that climaxed in Chicago got arrested. How long was the bender? Well, it was a bender within a bender, but the intense bender within the big bender was six weeks, and it was six different cities. And it was not, I got kicked out of the house, basically. Like, I couldn't go home in my home in Seattle.

We were on, me and my girlfriend were on like the no-go. So I went to like Miami, Las Vegas, New York, Chicago, L.A., and then back to Chicago for an ATM car with a smile on your face. I was still getting paid for playoff games. Fuck yeah. The Denver Broncos went to playoffs and they were giving me playoff checks. Fuck yeah. Oh, it was like a...

Like a doctor. Buy me a drink and give that guy in the corner a drink, too. That's what it was. Give all these humps a drink. Payton Manning scoring touchdowns. I was like the big... And then on top of it, like betting on the games too. Yeah, you don't give a fun.

Fuck, yeah. I'm out. I know all this shit. I've scouted all of it, right? So I get the checks and then turn it around. a little or just go blow it somewhere and luckily my financial advisor that I had when I was playing still had like that but this money was all like unaccounted for fuck you you know I'm getting and every week in the playoffs you get a new check get a new check it's like 20 grand every week one was 40

you just like what the fuck I came home to the check I didn't even know it existed I couldn't believe my girlfriend even told me she's like there's a check in the drawer fuck you I'm like oh so I so I went on hit all these cities and then it finally climaxed in Chicago because I had like like the alchemist. I had like six different kinds of drugs on me to hit all these different points. And I finally got to the point where I was like when your mug shot picture is like the worst one in the world. You know what I mean? Like I get in front of them.

I'm all fucked up. They don't tell you you're taking a picture. Next thing you know, look up, right? You have one second to think about it and I'm like, look innocent for the judge. That's my, that's the thought that comes, which makes no fucking sense at all. Makes no sense at all, right? Clearly a drug thought. So I do that I have this like puppy

Dog sad pathetic mugshot That's just fucking horrible and when I saw that I was like oh my god I'm going to I'm going to fucking rehab Delayed that for two weeks of course and then finally went to rehab in April So it's been a year now and then like when you get out you know when you quit all the drugs you're on and everything Your mind is just like It's different Oh my god

So you don't really know what you like hey what do I reject? What do I not? What do I actually believe in? What do I not? It's scary? Yeah First 90 days when you're sober is a very scary thought, because you haven't thought clear. No. You haven't thought clear in years. I got locked up. By the fourth month, I was thinking tip top. I'm drinking water. Yeah.

I'm eating one bread. I'm getting three squares. I'm sleeping nine hours. Your mind comes back. And you even start questioning yourself, like, where have I been? Yeah. Where has, you know, John been? Where has Joey D. has been?

Now, could you have, like, stayed under contract and just gone to rehab? and then not had to retire? It took me, the quitting, like, there are separate things, and then sometimes I think that they could be connected. The fucked up thing, the thing that annoys me is that when I quit, it was very public because I was like, hey, maybe I'll do radio.

I'll do some interviews, and I'll segue that on to radio. It actually worked. I had two offers up in Seattle for, like, do you want to do a show or this or that? But they want to talk about sports, and I was like, hey, fuck sports. Like, I can't do. I can't do this shit anymore.

So that, I kind of steered away from that. but when I quit I really was like I'm not I'm not doing this and then obviously it was I kept finding things I said blatantly like I'm very unhappy with what I'm doing I'm not happy in life I need to change it so classically you're not happy just do a bunch of drugs and that leads to the next thing in Chicago yeah exactly so whether one played off the other one was with the other whatever you know what I mean that's kind of the situation but I think it needed me like there was no way I was ever going to go to John Elway and be like, hey, I need to go to rehab. We're on a Super Bowl run, but I got to go to rehab right now. And that was the ever fucked up thing. I was like, both my teams were in the Super Bowl that year. The team I got traded from, we just played the, when I got, we played the Denver I was in Seattle in a preseason game.

I got traded to fucking Denver, both Browns and then Denver, and that was their first meeting since getting their asses kicked by Seattle that the team I was on. And Elway's in the front yelling at everybody. And I'm in the back of the room like, Jesus Christ, this is weird. and then they go play each other in the Super Bowl, which was like the other bizarre thing, which I was like, shit,

I should really sell both these playbooks. I was waiting for someone to contact me to fucking, I will give you all of the plays. And I'm pretty sure I told on Omaha, like I was in an interview like early on and I was like, yo,

everyone understands Omaha is when Peyton's like going to snap the football, right? And then after that it became like, I'm not saying after that. Me, the guy says it all the fucking time. All the time, I would have given him everything. You miss it?

Yeah, a little bit. I do. I miss the... This is what you've done since you were how old? Eight years old. Every time a fucking leaf comes down. Every time July comes, what do you think about? That's it. I got to lift weights.

I got to eat good. I got to... Yeah. I still remember when football season were coming in the neighborhood. You could always tell how the guys are going to play football, how they change a little bit. They started running laps, you know? And you have to miss that. It's a part of who the fuck you are, you know?

You know, it's so, it's kind of, I've always said that playing in a football game is just like getting high. Because the whole process is like very similar. Like you, you, and science has even proven that football players are addicted to adrenaline. Most football players have adrenaline spikes that are like crazy. But, you know, you go in, you're about to go into the game. You're about to play the game. You know, you know, you know what's there? You're waiting.

You're a little nervous. You know what's going. And then, you know, you walk out the tunnel. It builds, this is building, building, building, building. And then first snap comes, then you're just on for fucking three hours. Just going. And then you crash after. And then that's it.

And the lifestyle, too, the extremism and lifestyle where I could be like, all right, party, party, party, party. Okay, clean up. Clean up now. It's football time. Clean up. Play football. You know, as good as you could clean up. And then, okay, party, party, party.

So those two like that, like, extremism, you can see it matches perfectly with addiction. It matches perfectly with, you know, alcoholism, all of it, really. You know, it's the same thing with comics. life, you know? Absolutely. You have 23 fucking hours to burn. You could read so many books. You could jerk off so many times. Eventually, you know, I'm going to smoke a joint. I'll have a drink or something. Thank God I don't fall into the drink category. I have nothing against people who drink. I'm a smoker, you know, I like, but anything like that. Look at, you know, John Jones with fucking M.M.A. Oh, my God, yeah. You know, you live, when you're addicted to something, like I said,

it's not the addiction it's how you react how your day goes you know that's why when i always tell people when i when i did coke i couldn't control my day i don't know if i'm going to be driving and he's going to be driving me's going to cut me off and get out and yell him in the front car and call him a cock sucker and he's going to shoot me and i'm going to shoot him back that's your day you cannot control yourself i knew okay let's say i went to miami let's say i went to miami to do comedy. I get in the night before. Like Tuesday, he has a feature act.

I get in Monday night. You think I get there because I cared about the club? No. I got there because I walked right to the club and asked him for a $100 draw. Yeah. And I called the Columbia and he came over and brought me a package.

So I know if I did blow Monday and Tuesday night, I had to take Wednesday night off. I knew this as an addict and as a comic. But if I wanted to do good for the weekend, I had to take like Wednesday or Thursday off, And then I could get high on Saturday night after the third show, and I could go deep, because who gives a fuck about Sunday anyway, you know? So I knew when I could. That's the same thing you know.

You get high. And then there were some weeks where I couldn't control it. I had one thing. I had one personal rule. I did not get high before I went on stage. I smoked 50 joints. I'll take a valium. I'll have two fucking amaretto on milks.

But I will not fucking do a bump because I knew my time. would be completely off. That's just me. But when I was locked up, I would do speed on Monday with these fucking biker dudes in prison. Right? And Monday nights, we had to play basketball.

And I'd do like three. And I was in great shape then. I swam every day. Well, before I got locked up, I knew I was going to get locked up in Colorado. So I got into swimming and lifting, and I rode a bike. I didn't have a car.

I sold a car. And I just rode a bike. And I'll tell you what, I would do six or seven laps with the meth in me, whatever the fuck we would. We would snort it. Yeah.

And, oh, my God, I couldn't play fucking basketball. After a while I thought my heart was going to bounce out of my chest. It was too much. It would be bouncing alone by itself. Why do I want to be running laps like a fucking yo-yo for? Is it, can you guys, like, explain just because, like, for me, I'm, like, the straightest guy ever. I know now I'm super high, but, like, I don't have anything in my life that would, like, that I would do that would hurt me. So, like, for someone like me on the outside who, let's say you're,

a headlining comedian or you're in the NFL. Like, why? Like, it seems like it should have been an easier decision to let just not do it. But it just seems like it's just not even a decision. He just explained that, Lee. You got to turn that animal law. It's very tough. It's very tough.

There's some guys you play with that didn't say two words, correct? Yeah, yeah. They went home afterward. They fucked their wives. Yeah. They went hunting. They went fish and they chew tobacco. Yeah.

That's what offensive linemen do. Then there's the other half of your offensive line where they can't turn that fucking blocks off. They go home and they're still seeing themselves shuffling their feet. They count and shuffles. They start counting shuffles and shit. You know, and that's with everything. Anything that, listen, man, it's tough having a 9 to 5. It's tough driving the 405 and thinking about your kids.

Can you imagine playing in front of how many people on the weekends? 80 to 100. Okay. Somebody always at your door knocking. It's about money, dog. You got two weeks to get your life together. It's about money. It's not about high school no more.

The coach don't give a fuck who's here to see you. You don't perform. Somebody else is coming and do the fucking job for you. You get hurt. You got to sweat it out a little bit. You've got to go back. And there's three guys now that know you're hurt. And they're doing push-ups and they're eating spinach.

And they're fucking doing that thing. It's pressure, man. I can't imagine. And sometimes money is too much pressure for people. I love doing stand-up. when I hate it? When I got to get paid. Really? I hate it. I fucking hate the whole thing.

I don't want it to be a chore. I want to be sitting here with you right now. I'm going to be what, bro, what are you going to do after? Let's go get some wings. There's a stage. I'm going to crack some jokes. And that's how I make a living. They give me a guaranteed $25 or something. I'd be happy. But when I got a fight with people

and I can't even, you know, I thought you played football. In the back of my fucking mind, you went to college, you got your dick sucked. You got a fucking degree. Okay, you got drafted And you went And they gave you a playbook And you play football

No, they give you 200 pages of fucking things to read And team conduct And NFL rules A shit that you can and you can't do And you start looking at this going I thought this was football This is mild communism For a fucking paycheck

They want me to do it And okay, I understand the code of ethics And I understand a lot of things But in today's world It's completely different Well, didn't Goodell like really Tidened down everything? That's what I heard

Like when Goodell came in just made everything awful. It's a corporation now. Yeah. They're making billions of fucking dollars. But guess what? He has a bad game. He misses a block.

I have the right now to go on Twitter and call him a fucking cunt. That's what I have the right of. Because I either am a fan of Seattle or Denver or Cleveland, I have the right. So how many times can I call him a cunt on Twitter before he comes home one day? you know he has stress his job he hurt his knee before he goes hey fuck you too you fat fuck now guess what 2,000 people see that

and they show that to the Seattle Seahawks there's a different code of ethic and now the internet adds more to it you know I used to go on a set of a movie you rent you ate you smoke the joint now you're going to set of the movie and you're signing 10 waivers telling you don't take a picture and put on social media

don't do this Don't do that. So shooting the movie is becoming something else. Okay, yeah, I like the money and the whole thing. But, excuse me, it's becoming something else. And that's what I didn't like about football. Like, I don't understand about, that's what I learned when I did the longest yard. Yeah.

Because I talked to Brian Bosworth. Yeah. And Brian Bosworth is the fucking essential NFL, you know. Oh, yeah. And he wasn't a drug guy or nothing. He just had issues on the other level. And he didn't like it, and he went head to head with him. And, you know, some people will go, you know what, I'll take this mild communism.

I'll support my family and keep my fucking mouth shut. But then you get guys like you that are great guys. You're a sweetheart. But you know what, motherfucker? After the game, I want to go out and fucking cut it up a little bit. You know what? Years ago, I have a tight friend who's in the bind right now. Today, he's in a big bind right now.

He's looking at some jail time. But for a while, he thought he was a real badass. Nice kid. I grew up with him. I love him like a brother. He was bouncing. night of the bar. I'm fucking coaked up out of my gills.

I'm 60 yards away from his bar. There's a big parking lot. I get out and I look at my friend, I go, hold on. I take my dick out and within 10 minutes this kid I grew up with says, what are you doing? And I go, I'm pissing. Meanwhile, his jaw's going. He did two bumps. My jaw's going.

I thought all was forgiven. And for two years, he ratted on me about to pee that time. He, not ratted on me. He broke my balls. Every time I'd see him, He'd go, you have no class, peeing. Like, he got so insulted from the pee. Kill this day.

I could see if I pissed on your door, on your mother's leg, or on your cat. But I'm peeing in the parking lot. Yeah. 60 yards from the door. I don't, you know, Seattle was one of those places where they took everything very literally

the police department. Yeah. To the T. Even if he told the cop, like, I'll be seeing you again, brother. He'll go, you threaten me. No, no, no, no. I can do comedy.

Yeah. I know your partner goes in that comedy club. I don't know. You might have to. Let me go discuss this. Some people just take fucking shit literally, man. That's true. That's fucked up. That it could be like, there's so much discretion. Like, if you did that here, what do you've gone to jail? Or what do you, like, what did that have happened? Well, you know, like in a big city, like I said, there's more leniency. There's more understanding. We don't have time to give you a ticket for fucking jaywalking. And you know what?

I understand. I understand. That's a law, bro. And I didn't know. And all you had to do was pull me over with your three because it was pretty guys on bicycles. So I was mesmerized by the whole thing. They just rolled up. Ticket from a guy on a fucking bicycle?

Yeah. If they arrested you, they put you on the handle bars or something? I don't get it. I'll bend those fucking things. My brother, what are your plans? You're sober? You look healthy, you're getting healthy. What are you playing?

You're 28. You have to whirl by the balls. I know, I'm just, I decided to come down here and get in shape and kind of find a new direction. But really, I'm just kind of keeping it easy. I'm still working out and training. So I'm considering it. You know what I mean? I'm considering possibly doing more with the athletics or something like that.

How long you say athletics? Like I'm going to go in a fucking dodge ball, right? But, you know, it's kind of like, like I said, before when you get out of rehab, you kind of realign your whole world. You know what I mean? And as it's gone, it kind of more changes and realign. So I take it one day at a time. I don't plan too

far out, you know, and then kind of see where it goes, honestly. That's all you could do, man. Just being sober, like when you when you're young and you like to party. When I was 25, I did not understand people who didn't party. No. And I'm not

the guy hanging out with Lionel Richie at a club dancing on the scene. I'm not That guy. Party, that word meant nothing to me. I just didn't understand how in my mind partying was to break down my mind. I looked at that one. I'm looking at a gram a blow a couple beers and go home when I think about shit. And then I'll get my dick suck later on. I make some call.

Whatever you went for in those days. And I was just counting myself. It was the addiction. I remember the first year off below while I was talking to you. The shit I went through. This is just six, seven years ago. I'll be a sober this November 8 years from powder. Nice.

And that first fucking year was a mind fuck. Yeah. Because I always told people I wasn't going to do it anymore, but I just didn't know for sure. Yeah. But then as the months, as the months progressed, every day that I got sober, I thought about how I acted when I was sober and now I could see the change. Like, all of a sudden I had money in my ATM account.

Yeah. Oh, my God, I'd have fucking money in there. Like, how much is it now? 280, 280. I haven't had $2.80 in my fucking bank account in my fucking year. My bank account was between $32 and $100

at all time. I was a grown fucking man. You know, it's something that I can't even imagine today doing a blast. I love my refa. I'm 52. I'm settled already, brother. I'm not going to quit reefing now.

It's too... No. And I think it honestly, I think it's good to ease off of everything else, honestly, because you know it and you know what it can do. Like, I used it to ease off of everything. And I think it's like a lesser, you know, like a lesser evil. Lesser evil, absolutely. All of all the evils you could do, listen, I'm not going to knock on your door

at four and them one to borrow 50 bucks. I'm not going to get a, you know, I'm not going to look out the window all fucking night. I'm not going to put my family out of fucking business because I want to smoke blow. This reef is shit. I got into it when I was like 12. And I always liked the one aspect of it that helped me sleep at night. Yeah. I really enjoyed that.

And it makes Doritos taste like fucking God. You understand? And everyone's a lot more interesting, too. That's like half the reason I feel like I, well, no, let's be fucking honest. That's like 1% of the reason why I probably used. Everyone just gets so much more interesting. You know what I mean? You deal with all these people.

That was the thing like, when you play in the league, you talk about like the Twitter accountability, you know? And I find football players are like some of the few people in the, if you call it, the entertainment industry that actually have to really pander and cater to fans and still put on this like, you can say whatever the fuck you want. And a football player still has to be like, oh, good game tonight. And, you know, God bless and, you know, love Jesus and all the right things. You know what I mean? It's still like has that political kind of aspect to it. So I always found when I was playing because I had to be so fucking fake all the time. You know, God forbid I offended a fan that came up to me at a bar.

much easier just to get trashed and just not worry about it. You know what I mean? Or just be like, oh, fuck it, whatever you're saying is fine. You know, it doesn't really resonate with me or,

you know, it's not interesting, but I'll just keep doing it. People, fans like you when you're trashed. Yeah. They want to see you fucked up at a bar. They want you to know that,

you know, you bleed when you cut. Yeah. I noticed that at Twanis. I used to see a lot of the Seahawks and then the fans really like it. You know what I mean? You don't want to be pissed drunk and John

and Coke rocks falling out of your fucking nose. But, you know, You know, people, no. Yeah, at least tip your glass and send you a drink over. Oh, yeah. It's a, man, it's a great honor to be a professional football player, man. You had that opportunity. Yeah, man, it was a very fun ride.

It was a wild ride. It was a wild ride. It was a fun one, though. Oh, you're a wild dude. I can tell by that smile. That smile is, listen, man, I hope you find love and peace and everything you're looking for. Thank you. Once you get off that shit, it's there.

You know, I have a friend that drinks. and I can't call her anymore and bust up balls I would never bust anybody's balls because I never like you've been busting my balls You constantly bust balls But I wouldn't bust somebody's balls

about getting high When I know there's a problem exists I'm not going to change their life By talking to them It's something A conscious decision You gotta make it yourself You have to make it yourself

Yeah You could get blue in the fucking face Telling me how cocaine's gonna kill me Joey you love me Stop for your kids They're gonna put you in jail Ha ha ha ha ha ha All you're gonna do is drive me

You'll get a fucking package. That's all you're doing by talking to me about that shit is making me fucking want to go get a guy. It's so true. But it's one morning you wake up and you know what, I hurt my dad. I hurt my mom. I hurt my son. I'm more important. I hurt myself. And you know what? You're right. Fuck football.

Fuck everything else. Right now it's about taking care of you. Whenever the fuck you you land, you're still a young man. You got the world by the boss. Thank you for coming in. Hey, thank you so much for out of me. You're a fucking savage. Give a shout out to your dad. I got to give Shout out to Dave Moffin. He's a huge fan of yours, man. He's been telling me about you for two years.

Now, they live in Connecticut. They live in Connecticut. Yeah. I called him, my mom. And I called him up just on the way over here. And he didn't know. Like I texted him and I said, hey, I'm going on Diaz show, but I don't think he, like, got it across. Right.

And so I'm telling him on the way over here. And he's like, are you fucking, he's like, what are the chances? I tell you this. That's a small world. Yeah. For two years and now you're on his show. I've been listening. You're the only one, you know, podcast.

You're the only one. likes i'm telling you i want to give him a shout out send them my love and stuff i will and uh yeah you're down there with dave and unbreakable which is great oh yeah that's amazing jim he did you jitchoo you yet no just stretching oh my god he just stretches the shit with that long-legged motherfucker he looks his hands are like they look like they could go through a wall just straight you know like he looks like i wouldn't want to jiu jit to him i feel like he fuck you up you know he's a strong guy he knows who he's doing he's a little older he's got that old man's strength yeah but he's a great fucking train Oh yeah. He really, really knows his shit, man.

Every time I go there, I learn something new from him. Absolutely. I was telling Lee, I get a 15-pound dumbbell in my trunk, and I go to NoHo Park, and I do sit-ups. They're his sit-ups. They're the ones he taught me for Jiu-Jitsu, where I just get it and do a sit-up and kick my legs up and go back. That's all Dave's shit. Dave's got a thousand things. Oh, yeah.

I went to J-Jit-Cat, and I did one of the tricks he taught me. We're knee-on belly, and you switch the leg, so you can't get your leg caught. And the guy goes, would you learn that from Sean? I go, better yet. One of his brown bouts. Yeah. And he's like, that's who teaches that shit. Dave's a bad motherfucker.

Thank you again. Hey, thank you. I appreciate it. Hold on one second there. Let's give a shout out to my main motherfuckers over there at Honit. Alpha brain bitches. Complete earth-gone, neutropic. You understand me?

You're fucked up. You can't get your heads cleared. No. Alpha brain is the way to go. Dirty day. money back guarantee. We don't even want the product back. Who does that shit? You go to your drug dealer and you, I didn't like your fucking heroin. Can I get my money back and they give me a money back? Fuck, no, you did it, Cogsucker. Honit don't care. When somebody does that, that means they care

that they want to do business with you when they, if you don't like their product, dirty day money back guarantee, okay? And that's what the alpha brain. Their flagship motherfucker product. Go to on it right now, take a look at all their great products. Go to the box and press in. church. Boom. 10% off like a motherfucker, just like that. Also,

they have to stay on the program where they mail this stuff right to your house on a monthly level. You can't lose. Whether it's the Shroom Tech sport, the Shroom Trek, the moon,

immune, the new mood, the new T-formula, the testosterone enhancer, whatever the fuck it is, the hemp force protein, the asaella, or the chocolate,

you're not going to lose. Go to alpha brain. Go to honor. com right now. My main people over there at iron dragontiv. com. As you notice, I'm a little fucked up tonight.

That's what happens when you eat a couple of Green Hornets and the last piece of the Jewish Star of Death. Anarchy Edibles. Look at this fucking thing. This thing was huge at one time. Look at the size of this fucking Jew star of debt. Look at this fucking thing. There ain't nothing left, cock suckers.

What happened? I was zooming in so they can see it. Oh, sorry about that. He took the fucking world. Anyway, go to Iron Dragon TV for classic martial life films. These films are the best martial arts. art films. You always want to get into fucking, there's no UFC. There's nobody

bidslapping one of the, nobody. What are you going to do? You're going to sit there and watch fucking dancing with the stars. Fuck no. Go to iron dragon TV. com right now to watch classic martial arts films from the Yipman series to the Kung Lee series to who else.

Jack, I'm just naming Chinese motherfuckers right now. I don't know whether they exist or not, but their movies are at iron dragon TV.com right now. You understand? and get two free movies when you say the name. Joey, Joey, J-O-E-Y, that's how we roll. Two free movies, Iron Dragon TV, Roku, Technology, 4K, they're a leader.

Dave Foley putting shit together over there. But don't listen to me. Go to iron dragon TV.com right now. Take a look at that great fucking classic martial films. You got two of them coming on me. Go to the box and press in. Joey. Boom, and get two free films.

Hitty Six. They ain't fucking around this month. 1,200 guarantee. Pups. It's May 17th. You know when I brought this motherfucker up here? At the beginning of March, 1,200 fucking pups. He's giving you five of these things for $50 at $10 a piece. Whether it's a cigar, whether it's a Hiddy Sig, whether it's a 24 milligram, the zero to start right now. This is what I would do if I was, you fucking dummies. It's summertime. You didn't quit in January, right? Here's your chance for $50 fucking dollars. For $50 fucking dollars, you momos. You'll never smoke again. You're to get yourself.

the 24 milligrams, the 16 milligram, the 8 milligram, the zero, and you're going to get yourself a cigar. So you look like a doctor this weekend in the Memorial Day. You're getting a little party with your little red shorts on. You don't look like you're doing something like an interesting dude. Look at him. He ain't smoking a cigar. He's smoking a hit a sighing fucking cigar.

1,200 guarantee puffs. They last longer. They taste better than the fucking Hindu e-sigs that they sell you a 7-11. Go to Hitties Sigs right now and get your fucking, what do they get? You go to Joey's church Pressing Joey's church And you get five for 50 Five for 50

And if not you get 20% off Right That's all I know Also listen Joey I don't want to be healthy I don't want to watch Kung Fu movies I don't want to smoke

No fucking electronic cigarettes What do you got for me You know what I got for you If you're a wax smoker Or oil Or oil Let's say you like rubbing oil On your feet

And smoking fucking wax Wack out of a fucking vapor pen Nell that life is here for you, cocksuckers. Go to NaileditLife.com and look at the beautiful supply. No, the one vapor pen, they have. 20% off. It's $50. You get it for $40 and it's guaranteed.

You have a problem with your pen. The coil breaks. It's not getting charges. You call Dave, and within 24 hours he's got the piece for you. Sometimes it's not the price. It's all about the customer service. I don't care about how many eight balls you do the night before. I care about how you suck my dick the next day.

At the end of the day, that's all we're worried about. Go to honor.com. Iron Dragon TV.com. Well, NailedaLive, Joe Diaz. Hittyss.com and Naileditlite.com. They're great companies. They provide a great service. Thank you very much for supporting us.

Again, John Moffitt, bad motherfucker. You know, you can talk to him on Twitter on where? Moffat 74. If you want to help him, whatever you do, let's say you're into staying clean, you want to hike around. Moffitt's always there on fucking Twitter.

You're on Facebook? Yeah. Yeah, I don't really do the Facebook. All right. Just go to Twitter. Yeah, Twitter. And if you smoke dope and do drugs, stay away from Moffitt. Don't let me find out you're on Twitter showing him your little raggedy dits. If you're clean and sober and you want to show him your pussy, he's available. Listen, no vegan pussy.

Smells like fucking 10 dead Iranians that vegan pussy. The pH is off. The pussy's all waxed up. No vegan pussy at this fucking house, all right? I love your cocksucker. Stay black. One more time. I may man John Moffitt.

One more time, I may man, Lee Syatt. Bitches, Las Vegas this weekend. watch that pussy. Uncle Joey's coming to town. If you're a vegan, eat a steak, bitch. Balance off that little monkey spray. Yice House next Wednesday night. And then I'm in Oklahoma City with you bad motherfuckers. Stay black. See you Thursday with Andy Dolores.

You got any dogs or cats? Check in. We're going to talk about fucking CBDs for your dog. If your dog walks, let's say your dog is fucking stupid or retarded. We'll get him a fucking treatable. And he'll see the devil this fucking dummy on the cover. You're doing like a PBS like Infomercial?

What are they doing? Check it next week. We'll see me this weird? No. Yeah, we'll be here on Thursday. But I thought all of it could be done. Oh my goodness. What the fuck you laughing about what he's like?

I have no idea. I got a ticket to Boston. I can't believe it, man. They wanted so much fucking money. And I also got an email today for eligibility on TSA. I don't have to check in anymore. Oh, shit. Oh, did you get your instant use your walk?

Yeah. I guess they erase my police record, bitches. We're still going. No, I don't fucking know. They just email me. That's crazy, though. That's eight years, though. Like, did you ever think about it, like 10 years ago?

What time? Like, you'd be eight years sober? That's crazy. I didn't know it's eight. Who fuck knows. Wrap it up. We're getting up. Oh, we're done?

Okay. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. What are you all going about? I'm going to go to honnet.com. We're church to get 10% off of your order. of all the great optimization products. Go to Iron Dragon TV.com

and use Cobrejoie to get two free rentals of all the great martial art movies and the leader in 4K technology. Go to NailedatLife.com, also those goomies from Monos and use Cobur Joey Diaz to get 20% off the premier vapor pen on the market for all oil and wax smokers.

And go to hitesigs.com and right now they're running a pig five campaign. You get five hit E-sigs or E-sigars for $50. when he's called Wood Joey's Church.