The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #293 - Nick Turturro

Episode Date: June 23, 2015

Nick Turturro, Actor seen in films and TV such as "The Longest Yard" and "Blue Bloods, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for five Hit E Cig's for $50 Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. They are also produce some of the best edibles on the market, Los Gummies Hermanos Recorded live on 06/22/15 Music:  You're The One For Me - D Train Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Hair Of THe Dog - Nazareth

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Mule Lee Oh shit Monday night June 22nd The day the devil was buried at sea Fucked in the ass Lit on fire Giving to the Mormons

You know how we do it Oh shit Rugged that shit Joe Oh shit Oh shit Suck it lick it flick it Stick it The church of what's happened now

Top suckers Yeah Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Ticky Nicky in the house Yeah, I can bang to this.

Oh, shit. Lee in the house. Lee in the house. Are you fucking kidding me? Or what? Another fun-filled Monday here in the dungeon here. What's happened? Nick the tour on the house.

Great to be here. My man, Lee Syiat in the house. Hey, buddy. It was good. I saw that movie dope, which is actually really good. All right. We went to the comedy store. All right.

Thank you, Steve Simone. And just kind of hung around. No more orange or the new black. We finished that. So it was a good weekend. How is Utah? Tremendous. Wise guys are a great club.

I went to Shula's restaurant. Shula has a restaurant, the embassy. Don Shula? Yeah, he's got a chain of them. Not bad. Statehouse, right? Yeah, steakhouse. Not bad.

Not bad. I think Michael Jordan's steakhouse is better, but I haven't been to that. He's got one, too? At a Mohican son. Not bad. Yeah? Not bad. Seafood towel.

I don't have the money. Somebody else took us. I don't know. We were performing there. Some guy goes, go there. You got a meal confit. I had some Cuban food yesterday down in Malibu. How was it?

It was good. What place? Cafe Hibana. In Malibu? Yeah. I thought it was more like almost Mexican, but it was a little skirt steak. What did? Black beans and rice?

Yeah, black beans. Fried bananas? Fried bananas. Fried bananas. All right, beautiful. How was it? It was good. Nothing like Queens?

No. Not like Miami. Dirty. Kitchens. Like where you sent me? All Porta Sagua. Yeah, Porta Saga. That's the fucking best.

I know. If I had a goal between hands down for the best Cuban food I've had, old school, because I come from a different school of it, it's Porta Sago and this little fucking hole in the war on Edgewater, New Jersey, which was fucking just sensational. I mean, they had everything traditional, which I liked. What was that soup you told me to have? The Cuban chicken soup? Is that the one?

Is that the one? With the Fidel and the fucking potatoes. Yeah. Lees on the flip. Oh, man. Have you taken them there? No, what's in it? Just chicken soup.

It's a little, it's a more chicken he brought than like matzo ball soup. Okay. And it's got little noodles, potatoes. Better than that blood soup the Filipinos eat. Yeah, what blood soup? My in-laws make these freaking, they butcher the animals in the backyard, the goat. I had this fucking blood soup one time in South Carolina last year. I said, I ain't eating that shit.

The aroma? Yeah, like death. Like, freaking death. I said, I'm not eating that. I eat the roast pig. You know, they're bringing in the rose. It's great. There's a liver dip that they bring in with the roast pig.

It sounds nasty, but the dip is unbelievable. Then you take the skin. The father chops up the pig, you know, and the skin is so good. You taste the skin. You dip the skin in the liver dip. My own, that's great. I'm telling you, man. Really?

Do they really do, like, the whole pig back there? They bring the whole pig? No, somebody cooks it. Then they bring it in, right? And you look at the whole pig, and then he takes a big hatchet. You got to know how to cut this sucker up. Jesus. They're pros at it.

These Filipinos know, you know, this is what they do. They butcher shit. What is this Filipino food? I almost went to one the other week, but I don't even know what it is. It's like a cross between Asian and Spanish, right? But more primitive animals, this shit. Goats and pigeons. Pigeons.

They don't fucking eat anything. There's a lot of guineas, a greaseball tans, that, you know, they cook pigeons and goats and lamb. They take them right in the bathroom. This old Italian guy was telling me his father used to bring the animals or goats or whatever. Chop them up in the freaking. bat from. He goes, this is the dinner tonight. He told the guy. He used to drown these pigeons. His dad used to drown

the pigeons. Why would he drown them? I don't know. He was telling me why he drowned. I forgot this. It was a funny story. He's got to tell the story because when he told me how he drowned the pigeons and shit, I would die laughing. I had to catch these blue crabs in Jersey and my friend used to make the blue crabs go to

sleep. He rubbed their stomach and shit in the sink. And the blue crabs will go to sleep. Yeah. You got to know how to handle them. I catch him in the back yard. I catch him in the back yard. God, you know, just put the... How good of the blue crabs with the red sauce? They're great. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. People go insane over there. Oh, my God, Lee, you got a tan. But the Filipinos, they sit there and they eat those freaking crabs. They got... They know how to eat that shit. It's so tedious. You know, I clean them good because those Filipinos, they leave a lot of the crap in there.

I get sick on that shit. I had the runs one time. I'm like, I'm running for my life. I had shit coming down my leg and everything. I was like, I make sure I clean those crabs good. What's the craziest thing the in-laws have cooked? that you looked at and doubted, what the fuck am I doing here? No, the blood soup, that was one of the craziest things.

Is it red? Just the smell was, I just couldn't get past the smell. What would you do if someone brought you blood soup, Joey? I would die. I can't eat that shit. You know, I don't get myself in those positions because I'm a picky fucking eater. Yeah. Like, once I get invited to those parties, I always try to bow down because they're so warm,

and they'll ask you to eat. Yeah. And you're like, ah. It's like my cousin lives with us for years. This kid gave me, he's like Forrest Gump. He's hilarious. One of the funniest guys in America. He eats chicken.

He eats the cartilage. He eats the whole shit. He even eats this. I don't know what the cartilage is, but he crunches. He chews on. I go, what are you eating? It's the college. It's the college.

And he eats everything. The whole fucking chicken. I mean, the guy is, loves chicken. He was probably a chicken in his past life. This guy eats everything. He eats the whole fucking thing. Everything. In jail, the black dudes eat the chicken till the fucking thing.

They don't even let it get reincarnated. The black motherfuckers in prison, you'll see him for an hour twisting that bone. Like, that's it enough. Yeah. What are you getting out of that fucking thing? That chicken I can't even make a comeback. He's going to make a comeback of one wing and one hoof. Yeah.

I thought of you yesterday. There's this guy in Vine, and he took a video of himself at, like, the parking lot of a prison, and he could hear him yelling at the black guys, and the black guy's yelling back. Like, the one guy said, like, you're in a gay girl car. Like, you have a square-head motherfucker. Like, they were just yelling at each other. from the cells to like the parking lot, I just thought of you and that story you always tell

about how just loud they are. I can never eat a chicken to the end like that. No, me neither. I know. There's a lot of the chicken I don't trust. A lot of the chicken I don't trust. When I got a Costco chicken, I eat the white meat, I eat a little bit of the skin and that's it.

If the wing looks ratty, I'll leave that thing alone. I know. It's got two or three strings on it. Now I only like thighs, too, thighs and legs. I don't like the freaking breast. It's too dry and shit. I won't go to another of the fast food joints. for chicken. I stopped that a long time ago.

Even though I break down once in a long, go to Popeyes. No. Popeye's like a motherfucker. They got a wing and a thigh for $1.49. Give you the fucking runs, Popeyes. Does it really? Yeah, it's greasy shit. What the fucking one time and... You're better off going into Rouse and just say,

can I have 25 pieces and let them make it fresh? You got it fresh. You got to get it fresh. Fresh, yeah, yeah. You know who got that for their wedding? You're looking at them. You? My wife knew the people, and every time she went, the lady would give her the fresh chicken. fucking delicious.

Ralph's got a thing now if you've got a piece of fish they'll fry the fish up for you. Very nice too. You ever go to diners chicken? That's pretty good too. Where's the airport? It's an old school chicken place, diners.

By the LAX? Yeah, it's good. You're going there, you get a whole barrel of chicken. I mean, it's like old school fried chicken. I like good fried chicken. I do, man. I'll go to places, you know. If I find good fried chicken...

When I came from Cuba, I used to tear up the colonel. Yeah? But not in front of my mother. My mother wouldn't let me have... fast food growing up in New York City. And you can make chicken a lot of different ways, man, you know? Wade Bonds was a baseball player. He ate chicken his whole career for every game.

I did a commercial with him. I asked him, I said you really eat fucking chicken? Did you eat chicken, no? And he was like, yeah, I ate chicken my whole career. I got to eat chicken cutlets every day. Yeah, they got to be thin. With mashed potatoes thin with cream corn. Yeah.

And cranberries juice and some club soda in that motherfucker. Oh, yeah. God. Damn. Get me hungry, man. I always say cream corn. I don't think. Cream corn is good.

I could eat chicken. You know, this Cuban joint made a, they put some, like, cheese on the corn on the cob. I don't know if it's a Cuban thing. It was very good. It was like a grated cheese. Yeah, Mexicans have that, too. It must have been like a Mexican style. Don't fuck with my corn.

I like hotel bar butter on my corn. Hotel bar butter. A little salt and heavy on the pepper. Pepper. That fucking corn is brand new. No, it's good corn. Jersey corn. Jersey corn.

Oh, the sweet shit. Sweet Jersey corn. The reason why you're, don't like cream corn is because the people who've made it for you, just give it the fear out of it can. Any professional knows you've got to dope that motherfucker up, okay? You dope it up, and now you go to Vegas or now my wife makes the cream corn, little pieces of jalapeno on that motherfucker to give it some flavor and some extra

butter and some extra salt and pepper. But is it better than just corn on the cob? Corn on the cop is amazing. It's amazing, but it calls different dishes call for different things. I see what you're saying. I'm piling chicken colors. I don't have time to fucking put butter. When I consider a corn on the carb, I'm eating it with a baked potato and a nice fucking steak.

Okay? So everything has a different fucking patois here. I feel you. How about cream spinach? Do you like cream spinach? If it's made correctly. You know what I like it? If I tell you what I like, cream spinach, spinach, since I'm a kid, spam.

Spam is good. Some fried spam is good. Yeah, fried spinach is good. Fresh cream spinach. Fried spinach. With some garlic in that motherfucker? Shit. Stop it, dog.

I love cream spinach. Spam is not good. Yes, it is. It ain't bad. I'm bad. Again, you got to dope it up. If you show up like a Gentile and you just cut it and fucking, no, no, no, you got to put some salt and pepper. Today I made a burger.

But I had my wife taste the burger, and she goes, Jesus Christ, I go, I've been asking me. You put the chop meat together? No, I get these burger patties. From where? From where? It's got some. 85% nice. I take them home.

I put a little garlic salt on them. I put a little fucking onion salt on that motherfucker. Did you grill it? Hellie, heavy on the pepper. Right. And I take it outside and I grill it. And I put little holes in it, so it cooks it. inside and right before that last piece

and take a little butter. You want to go to a good butcher down at the Grove, in the middle of the grove. I'm not doing that. No, I swear to God. There's a guy there. It's not even working for. They got a fucking cowboy steak in there.

You go out of your mind. No, it's in the farmer's market. Listen, I won't go on there. The guy goes to a ranch. He gets this cowboy steak. That's great. So do I. I don't think Joey would go to the grove.

I wouldn't go to the fucking grove if you paid me, though. Yeah, but go there for the butcher. I won't go there for. He's got these sweet sausages. Listen to me. The only way I would go down there is somebody's giving a $100 bills. Really?

That's it. I wouldn't even consider it. Why you detested? I don't see why I got a driving that traffic anymore, 52 years of age. I hear you. I got one foot in a grade one of banana pee. I'm going to waste 20 minutes to go get sauces. It's going to be men's amort.

I'm going to New York in September. You know what I hear you, man. I'm done. I'm done with the fucking driving. Lee knows. Everybody knows. I don't like it myself. I'm done.

I'm done. Listen, well, done. We were talking before. Last week, I fucked up and I had two slices. the pizza. Lee knows. I'm to the point in my life now where I only eat pizza from one place. That mall over here got Joe's from New York. I ain't bad.

Yeah, it ain't bad, Joe's. I go over there. That's it. I'll give it up on everything. Where is it? When you walk in, I've never seen it. Downstairs in the food court all the way in the back. They got them in the dungeon next to the Japanese people that they closed down. But that fucking Moore got some food now. They got a cheese steak place. They got the Chinese place.

They got a fucking a sandwich place at the end. Which mall you're talking about? This one right here. Not even. even in the Galleria. You're talking about the one on Riverside and Woodman. Riverside and Woodman. Yeah. Tremendous. Yeah. That's where they have the Jones. It's pretty good. Pretty fucking good. It ain't been. The other day I went overboard. I had the sausage and the pepperoni because I'm a cheese slice, motherfucker. You know me, though.

Just give me the cheese. Well, why fuck around? Yeah. Anything I do, you put that chicken terriaki slice next to my slice, I will gouge your fucking eyeball out. You understand me? Don't give me no chicken. You don't try fusion pizza? No. Why would I do something like that? You don't want to put chicken. I don't do nothing like that. I don't disrespect the pizza. Have you tried Blaze?

The Blaise Pizzeria, they make the pizzas really fast. You can build your own pie. No. It ain't bad. It's more like the Chipotle of pizza, but it ain't bad. Let them Chipotle themselves. I'll stick with Joe's. I hear you, man.

I break down every six weeks with a slice of pizza. I was explaining to leave that. There is a joint, but if you want to treat yourself in Pasadena called Sit de Bello, and it's almost like a brick oven slice. It's not bad. If you want to treat yourself in that. No, we go to, we go to, we go to, we go to, go to the ice house once a month, so we'll

go over it, set the bellow. Set the bellow. Set the bellow, where is it? What kind of slice you get? It's unbelievable. It's like a brick oven slice. It's like, you know, it's the stuff that's from Italy.

They get all this shit from Italy. It's the real deal. How's the cheese? Great. I'm telling you, it's great. I know good pizza. It's a good slice of pizza. Is the Squarckon called Neapolitan?

Or what is it called Sicilian? Do you like that? We were grown up once. We were raised. I like Sicilian. I love Sicilian. But there's an art to that. Not everybody can make a good slice of Sicilian

If not, it's just bread with fucking sauce on it Right Yeah Some people like Nick the Greek The Greek he made a nice Sicily Put it by the window The flies landed on it They used it as a takeoff

Every time you got a slice of Sicilian You got to look for a fly in that motherfucker You know, I'm gonna make a good square too There was a place on my neighbor called JNS They made this square pizza And my dad just to go insane If I could just get the freaking recipe I'm like that

We're never gonna get the recipe It's been there still there JNS and nobody makes it like them. You know, when somebody makes something unique, you just go, wow, that's a great fucking slice of pizza. You know, just like Patsy's, the original Patsy should go to Harlem. It's great. They're still there. The oven is a thousand years old.

It's still there. It's still there. I mean, you can go in and get a pie for $10. That oven is so old. That's why it's so good. The oven. It's the oven, man. It's unbelievable.

I love that. Go to a Yankee game. Stop and Harlem. Let's go to Patsy's. Let's get a pie. And then go to the game. Eat it on the way? Yeah, eat it on the way, man.

That one time with Sandler and all the guys I don't know if it was long as short or Chuck and I I was eating some freaking They go where do you get? Where'd you get that? I go call them now They ordered all these pies They were like

Holy shit This is good I know how to eat You guys don't know how to eat They don't know what to eat You know what to eat? I mean I had to freaking turn them on That's what I do man

I eat I know good food I know a good burger I know a good slice of pizza A good sandwich Something like a good A little fucking mutadela A little fucking suprasade

And fresh buffalo mozadeel little olive oil Oh, that's fucking great. A nice prosciutto, mortadilla with some wet muts. On a fucking nice bread, a little olive oil. Maybe a roasted red pepper like a motherfucker. Yes. Maybe some, um, some, um,

Unbelievable. Oh, have you ever had that? No, I haven't had that. His asshole would fucking crumble. You'd go fucking nuts. I'm gonna get your sandwich like that. I'm down. Oh my God, with those stuffed peppers, with the mozzarella,

and they're a little... The moussadale, and I'm telling you, a little mottadale, a little supressite. the little prosciutto. Oh my God. Have you been to Domingos in Encino? It's good. Yeah, Domingos makes a good sandwich.

It's a good place until the guy, see, the last time I was there had a bad experience. Domingo? I was having a great time. I was waiting for my sandwich. And all of some Johnny Gentile walked in there. The widest guy in America with slippers on and was pissed about his turkey. Why would you go on there for turkey in the first?

I wanted to smack him. And I kept saying, why didn't you go to subway? I went to subway for that. Go to subway for Turkey. You got every fucking turkey in the world. Right. Why are you wasting your time in an Italian fucking place in Encino looking for fucking plain turkey? Yeah.

I was mad. I don't want smoke turkey. Get the fuck out of. Go eat dick. Right. You don't like smoke turkey. Why is that Domingo's fault, though? Because that, that's what I'm saying.

Why is it Domingo's fault? Why is this guy in there? If I was Domingo, I wouldn't allow this guy in there with his fucking slippers looking for a turkey sandwich. We don't make turkey sandwiches, all right? Go down the fucking corner. I tried to get to E. You know, last time you were in Boston, this place, Umberto's in the North End. It's like what you like, they have like a,

whole bunch of ready pies and they're just taking the oven and they're the big one so each slice is really two slices fucking amazing. It's great a fucking great meatball. When you get a meatball that's just my mom used to make it with veal and lamb and beef and it would just fall apart. It was magical. What a freaking meatball. And one of it was in the sauce just floating there and you came by

not too big not too brety. Holy shit and you take a piece of bread and dipping this Something that's like, you know, you're sucking something that's like gold. I mean, you know. How long have you been in either? Forever? Yeah. When did you, how old were you when you discovered the greatest thing in the world?

What was the first thing? As I've gotten older. As I've gotten older. I think when I was a kid, I was finicky and I didn't have great eating. I didn't appreciate the food until I was an adult. Until I started making my own sauce, then I named myself Nikki Red Sauce. You know, because I made a great source. Everybody was like, hey, Nicky Red Sauce.

I was like, yeah. I actually had it in a fucking jar. But it didn't last long. because I didn't have any backing, but it came out really good. Did you go to Shark Tank? No, no, no, no, no, shark. We had a real fucking sauce. You should have gone to Sharks.

I was in 50 stores, man. Were you? Yeah, it was like a Rayo's sauce. It was a high-end source. We made it with the pork bone, everything, and New Haven, Connecticut. I'll show you the jar. You showed it to me.

I remember? Yeah, you didn't go to Shark Tank? No, no Shark Tank. You should have to be a shark tank? What are you got, that's great? Yeah, that's great. gotta have Bronson on your wall

What a fucking unbelievable Just look at that face I mean you know You didn't even have to act With a face like that You just show up You know when you look at those faces years ago Like I look at these good faces

I wish I had a face like I mean my face I have a good face But those guys had Those guys had fucking incredible face Like these movies stars today They have no character There's no Robert Mitcham There's no fucking

You know Charles Bronson There's no Steve McCreve McQueen There's no Paul Newman This is all bullshit I mean Charles Look at that face Wow look at that stash Show the people at home

I'm trying to Victor Mature Oh my God My dad resembled A Victor Mature Stud man Stud Look at Charles

Like right there in that movie I can't tell what scene That it could be The mechanic It looks to me like the mechanic It really does It's like Jan Michael Vincent That's fucking Jan Michael

Vincent Remember him Listen bro Well, Jam Michael Vincent. I think Richard Gere, every year he gives to the Jan Michael Vincent Foundation. Does he? Sure, because if Jam Michael Vincent wouldn't have stopped drinking, wouldn't have started drinking, Jam Michael Vincent would have stolen fucking people up.

You watched the, not the Blue Lagoon, watched the one he did for Disney. The one before, the mechanic, he did Disney, the world's strongest man. Right. When he picks his arms up and shit, that was a fucking, he was just. the original Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt would have to suck his dick. Yeah. Brad Pitt, in the mechanic,

Jan Michael Vincent, was throwing a fucking heat that nobody had thrown since, like, you know, early Robert Redford or something. That was like a fucking beautiful man. Yeah. And he started fucking booze,

and that was it. You ever see the movie Defiance? He made a movie Defiance about a longshoreman in Lower Manhattan. Him, Pauly Walmots, Danny Aiello. That's how long ago. Really?

This is 70, if the mechanic Panic was 73. This was 75. Was it good? The guy that played the gang leader was badass. Yeah. Throw it on, Lee. See your defiance is on there. Like the trailer? Yeah, who you text?

I was going to periscope. I'll fucking bite your fingers for a second. I was watching deliverance. End the deliverance. That was a good flick. That's a good flick. Man, good acting. Bert Reynolds was tremendous. It was great.

Defiance, Jan Michael Vincent. See if they got anything. And throw that up. an old school movie and all those guys were in acting class, that's how they probably got that movie. Diallo, Polly Walnuts,

and there's somebody else, young as shit. Defiance. Must have been an early when they slipped by. Sometimes you know he's 1980s, they're saying. You know, here's another name I'm going to throw at you. Whatever happened to Ken Wall.

He was fucking good. Man, look. Yeah, man. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Fucking the Wanderers. The Wanderers, but he was also in that show on CBS. Wise guy.

Wise guy. My parents, why, and he was handsome. He could act. I'm the kind of guy. One of my favorite movies. I love that. I wish I was in that. The Wanderers.

Oh, my God. I told Sam Laugh about that. He was like, you should have been. Leave the kid alone. Hit it. That is a bad-ass movie, man. What is this? The Finesse?

Look at him, guys. Oh, shit, that's him? Look at him. You're right. That dude would have busted the bank now, guys. But look at, they just remade a video over it. Look at the gang leader. No.

Shit. Oh, this ain't real, but look at the gang leader. But hold on. Wait, wait, wait, keep going. See if there's something else there. How do I get this? It's on Netflix? I don't know.

This is on YouTube. Let me see if there's another one. Yeah, dog. He was still hot in this one. What happened to him? Drugs? Alcohol. They did a behind the Hollywood.

whatever about him and it was really interesting because he was fucking drunk I mean he has no teeth now yeah or this one they showed him he had a bad accident I'm not sure wow you take care of yourself anything no no leave right down yeah this is this is this guy ladies and gentlemen if you've ever seen jam michael vinson he was about to blow the fucking bank but right there this was there I don't know what he did after He did Skywolf, a show for CBS. He recurred on it. There's a raw deal you got, Tommy.

What the hell am I going to do? You got a godfather? It's an union? He tells the 70s movie. I love it. I'm on suspension. Well, you can't sleep on a goddamn docks. I got a brother-in-law.

He's got an apartment building in the city. Get yourself a place there. It ain't Gracie Mansion, but it's cheap. What the hell am I going to do in this city? I hate this place. I can't even breathe here. I ain't got any money anyway. Yeah, have some more orange juice.

Orange juice. Fast forward to see what else they got. Yeah. Yeah, this is an old... Keep that... Once you hear that type of music, it ain't got a problem. This is old New York City.

Look at the old dirty New York. This is old New York dirty. But that's really New York. New York don't look like that anymore. Check that guy out. I think I... from your show, leave the officer. Oh my God, I saw him in the James Brown movie.

He gained a lot of weight. Craig Robinson. Oh, yeah. That was a good movie, though. The James Brown movie? Yeah, I watched it today. How was it? Bits and pieces of it.

I mean, I like that kid, but I don't know if he's dark enough to play James Brown. I mean, I don't mean dark color-wise. He's fucking good. He's talented. Everything that kid does, he's good. He's good in 42. He's good in 42. He's good in 42.

He works hard. He works on everything. They're putting him on everything now. He's talented. going to be on the road now. He's going to win an Oscar. But you know what I was thinking about Nick the other day? Everybody, today, Man on Fire was on and the Godfather at 3 o'clock. That's your movie.

That's a double header of debt. That's your movie, right? Man on fire? Oh, please. And I had to work. I had to do a bunch of shit, but I caught the last 10 minutes, which is the movie. Once he started blasting the little Mexican stand. My favorite is Training Day.

I love him in that. That's a good, that's a good movie. I love him in that. See, I like him in that. I love him. I don't know why, man. The more, that's like one of those movies that the more I've watched it, The more I liked it

It was like the town The more I watched Oh my God That's my movie I love that was the best thing He ever did He's just evil enough He's like he's evil in that movie

And he gets like Oh he's right Denzel He gets progressively more evil And like He's so like Charismatic I guess Yeah

That you almost like him He's such a low life That you know He's fucking the girl He's fucking the kid Up until like the last scene You still kind of like him a little bit Man when he shoots his friend

Breathe dog breathe I'm like What the fuck? I got to tax you a little bit. Yeah, shoot him. Shoot him. He's telling the guy, shoot him. That scene is unbelievable.

Bam! He's like, you know, the scene when he goes to the house with all the guys? Yeah, and he's got to tax the guy and all this shit. And he gives the mic money of Berringer. Tom Berringer. Yeah, Berringer, yeah. And the guy from Scarface. They got to get the okay and shit, you know.

Those are old. Yeah, those are good actors, those guys. And the guy from Scarface who had gum on his shoe when he shot him, the lieutenant, the one who shook him down at the bar. Right. That's a great scene when he explained. Julius Heron, whatever. The guy that was like, you know,

now this works, Tony, you know that guy? Now this works, Tony. I was going to bring Denzel up. He goes, don't go too far, Tony. Don't go too far. Can't shoot a cop. Remember that guy? Whoever said you were one?

Oh, my God. Fucking Pacino. Oh, he was great. Fly, flying. But I got to tell you something. I love Denzel, but I'll tell you who's really a bad motherfucker that nobody gives him enough credit. Who's that?

And I'm going to say, Say why. Pink Floyd has a song called Pigs, three different ones. I know people are going to get upset with this, but I know you're going to understand where I'm coming from. The song? No. Someday they're going to make a song called, let's tell the story first. The guy's name is Lawrence Fishburn. I think Lawrence Fishburn is the best black actor.

Pound for pound. He squeaks it at the note. You know what, the track? He just beats it. And I'll tell you why, because he plays three different types. are moulignans. Okay, and I can't, but it's the same moulinian. Listen,

in, okay, in the one with walking, remember when he goes in New York? Oh, oh, okay, but then he comes back like Ike Turner. I turner. Oh, that's bad. Oh, and that's a complete different type of brother. Do you understand him? And he's great

in boys in the hood, too, man. Oh, my God, as the father. He's fucking great. Guys, he's the most un-nobled. He's not as, he's not as good looking as Denzel. He's not as charismatic as that, but I agree with you, he's right up there. Oh, my, and he's got one other one, and he plays a different type of black guy. He's right up there. He's right

up there. I think his problem might be that a lot of people my age don't know him other than the Matrix. He's been a... And the Matrix. And I didn't even mention a fucking Matrix. Yeah, you've got to look at his body. I don't even look at Apocalypse now. You can't always judge a guy on one thing. No. Oh, I'm not saying it's fair. I'm just like, if you ask someone

under 30, they'll probably say, yeah, but when you, when I was under 30 and I saw Denzel in glory, I knew there was no turning back. And then I saw him in the movie with you. The trumpet more better? I knew there was my first movie. I was at the table reading. I said to my brother,

I was nervous. My first movie was so excited to be in the freaking room. There was all these great people. Robin Harris. I said, oh my God. He took over the room and he destroyed everybody, including Denzel. My brother said, this guy is a fucking he's going to become huge. And then he'd fall asleep right at the reading.

And then when Denzel was reading and shit, I said to my brother, wow, who is this guy? He goes, oh, he's fucking, he's going to be a big, big star. This is Denzel Washington. We did a scene, but I remember. I was, I wasn't there. It was my first movie, so I was, I was out of my light or some shit. He goes, Nick, just move over here, move over there.

I was like, okay. See, my brother goes, yeah, he's looking out for you, Nick. See, he's looking out for you. But I knew, I said, I was working with, like, a star. I mean, his focus, his look, everything. I mean, I was just, you know, concentrate on what I had to do, but I was like, wow, I'm in the scene with this motherfucker. This is, this guy's hot, man.

He's bringing it. When guys show up like that and you're there bringing it, it excites the shit. It's like when I worked with Red Dog, you know, years ago, I'm blue. First year, and we became friends with me and Caruso, and I was like, I knew I said, this guy is coming with it, you know, because it gets you excited. And that's what people don't understand. When other people are good, you know, it just, but, you know, he's a star, man. He's a star, and he's, I heard he's a little bit of a, he can.

be a diva too. He's done now, right? He ain't doing nothing. I'm joking about, oh, Caruso? Caruso. He got, yeah, he just, he just How many seasons have been in the USA way? He got he got rich taking his sunglasses off and doing I'm not talking about that. Yeah, that guy was dead in the fucking water. Yeah, somebody was looking out for him. Somebody up

above was looking out for that guy. He was dead in the fucking water, man. We're friends and somebody was looking out for him. When I tell you, you know, because the guys that acted that way and threw, you know, through that away, they never get another shot. Never. So he was lucky that somebody came looking for him,

but, you know, that doesn't always mean you're very happy because, you know, he wanted to make it in the movies. That was the thing for him, you know. He used to always say, you know, Nick, we got to make it on the big screen. This is, you know, this is the little screen. You know, to him, that was his dream. That's why he, like, sabotaged himself, you know. Because he wanted to, like, it wasn't big enough for him.

You know, he should have played his cards right, and maybe he would have had a little bit of a feature career. How many movies you see, and he's in it early on. Yeah, he was good. character actor early on. But he didn't jump off later on, like when they gave him these starring roles. I think he was just one of those guys that was better on the

little screen. He was good and jade? Yeah. He was good and jade. It wasn't a good movie. That's the only problem. It was a shitty movie. The other one was a weak movie. Oh, that was a kiss of death. Yeah, that was weak. That was fun. That's the one. That was funny. You know, who's watching that for Cage? Cage is funny in that. Who else? Yeah, Cage.

He's funny in that? He's actually funny in that. Hunt? Hunt is in that movie? Lauren Hunt, right? What's her name? The chick from her? Oh, yeah. What's her name? Helen Hunt. Helen Hunt. Helen Hunt. Yeah, it wasn't in a Rapport. They tied him up and my friend Rappaport. Yeah. Nicholas Cage played the strip club owner with the asthma. Yeah, yeah. I think they went for that part to my brother. I think he turns down a lot of stuff. Because Caruso was saying, yeah, I got to get your brother. Tell him to do it. Tell him to do it. I was like, I can't tell him to do it.

Johnny's like, you can't tell John to do anything. John's a different animal. I know. You tell him. I worked with Cage. I worked with him in the Oliver Stone the World Trade Center movie. He was a nice guy.

A nice guy. Oliver Stone was a bastard. He was a bastard. He destroyed everybody. One time Nick Cage goes, don't worry about it. He calls me Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies. I said, really, Nick?

I said, man, this guy's fucking nuts. Oliver Stone. This guy sucks. That guy sucks. He sucks. Everybody sucks. I said, you're fucking knife. I fought back one time.

He's getting mad. You're getting mad. I like that. I like that. I was like, yeah, because you destroy everybody's confidence. If you don't do anything, he'd tell you, ah, you got nothing. Then if you try to do something, he'd say, you're so over

the top. Did Oliver Stone do the football one? Yeah, he's always... He almost got into a fist fight with Dean Kane at the fucking audition. Oh, he did he? They stood up, they had to break the camera. Yeah, had to get in the middle of him. He's a bully. He's a bully. What do you call? I think he had a punch out with him years ago.

Woods or somebody. James Woods, I think, an old movie, Salvador, I think he had a punch out with him. He went over to my wife one day. He likes Asian women. He was rubbing her hair. I said, hey, he goes, Oh, how'd you get her? Never mind how I get her. I said, well, you want me to get you an Asian girl?

I get you an Asian girl. I was this girl I knew one day. He goes, can I, can I meet her? I said, yeah, you can meet her. She was with this fat gangster guy that I know. I said, come over here. Oliver Stone made her like a star. She was an extra.

He brought in a fucking trailer for an extra. I swear to God. I swear to God. This guy was nuts. He was fucking nuts. I don't want to work with that guy. He was like, hey, you want to be like Jackie Cleeseon. You want to ham it up.

You're looking in the camera. I go, not looking in the camera. I go, you're smoking too much pot. I'm looking in the camera. You guys nuts. I went back for the callback. He was calling me Timmy or something. He goes, I want you in the movie.

I go, you want me in a movie? You call me a different name. He goes, no, but I love the way you talk. Listen to his action. He goes, he's got a better action than De Niro. I said, yeah, but get my fucking name right. He's calling me Timmy or Robert. I don't know what the...

I said, no. You call me. called me because I know, but this is what I have left. There was a lot of guys in the movie. We had a lot of fun. That was right after my mom passed. That was a hard time. I'm thinking about when Bill Buffer was here, they kept calling him to Jimmy. Bruce Buffer.

It's like when I had a hair cutting job. I was not a hair. I was washing Jewish women's heads when I was a kid. And the owner, this is a funny story. Why are you doing this? Because it was a summer job and they said, do you want to wash hair? And I said, yeah, I'll try it. I didn't like it. All these Jewish women were yelling at me.

How much are they paying? Harder. Not more. Not in March. I had to sweep the fucking hair and rub these. And I couldn't like, I couldn't even shampoo the hair hard enough. They would be like, they were very picky, Jewish Long Island. I was a kid, young kid.

But the owner, his name was Nick. He goes, what's your name? I go, Nick. He goes, you can't be Nick. I'm Nick. He goes, well, what am I going to call you? I said, I don't know. Call me Richie.

He goes, all right, Richie. So this was funny. I worked there for like one day, two days. He'd go, Richie, Richie. Richie! I wouldn't answer. I'd go, oh, that's me. this meeting. All day long. Richie.

Richie! Richie! And I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. I'm like, fuck this. I can't. I can't work here. I can't be fucking Richie. My mother almost named me Richard. Thank God. My brother goes, she was going to name you Richard. Because, you know, they call you dick. I don't want to be Richard. Thank God I wasn't fucking Richie.

Excuse me. Put that air on, please. I'm dying. Yeah, I'm dying over here. Yeah, you got to put the fucking heat on. I tell them every day. He has me and that it's fucking fits. It's a good story, right? Fucking Richie. Richie. Why are you going to spit the?

I gotta use that in a fucking movie one day. Richie! Richie! My brother tries to rob my material. That's funny. Tell me that again. No, no, I don't want to tell you. It'll wind up in your fucking script. I didn't like that job. When I was a kid, I'd have a job for one day.

And I would quit after one, two days. Me too. Oh, my God. A bus boy, Lenny's clam bar. Treated like dog meat. One time, you were... UPS. like a fucking animal, four hours for $8, and that was blood, blood money. Oh, UPS?

Yeah, and you had to push out about... You had a touch... You had a touch... In an hour. You got to touch them. My father said, fucking quit that fucking job. He goes, your uncle Mikey, they gave him a truck, and he gave him the truck back.

He said, don't ever work for those fucking people, UPS. When was this? What year was this? This was like in the 80s or something. I applied for UPS. Oh, my God. 1980 and my buddy got the job. You have a camera?

I show you how I had to work. I mean, physically I could show you. No, I know how he had to work because he used to tell him, and he's still there. Listen to this. I went with that kid, winter of 81, they were hiring for the Christmas holidays. Yes, for the holidays. We both applied. They kept him, you know, till this day.

Wow. He's still there. I made a career out of it? Seven years ago, they gave him one point something, three point something. Yeah. Because of stock options and his vacation, they went public. Really? Really?

I talked to his brother. I talked to his brother. Me, that's the kid I robbed the jewelry store with. He became a fucking born-again Christian. Now he won't talk to me. But the brother of me is still tight. And the brother tells me that they're trying to get rid of him now because now they're paying him six figures. And, you know, he wasn't even supposed to be there at this point.

Look at Nicky. Dope. He got the shirt from the other night. Yeah, that's not for the movie. It's just as dope. But, yeah, Jim Pond. Oh, my God, I had. The only job I kept.

When I was 15, I kept a job working as a hard carrier for an Italian guy. I really liked Mr. Severino. I really enjoyed his. I learned a lot from him. I think of how he ate today. From seven to five, he'd have five small, tremendous meals. Right. But half of what you would get at home, you know.

That's the way to eat. A piece of lasagna, a little piece of lasagna, an apple. He'd have a little wine glass. He puts a ram wrap on it from him. He'd had wine at 11 o'clock with fruit. he ate cheese at one he ate a really weird diet and I went back 10 years ago

and there's Mr. Severino looking the way he looked fucking 40 years ago when I was a kid So it worked You know he worked that little island diet He was from Sicily And he worked that island They don't how to eat those old times

And all that shit Yeah I didn't quit that I didn't quit my mom's bar I liked that The other day I went to Oh when I went to Shulers I went in Saturday afternoon

To get lunch And the girl was there by herself The bar's She goes, thank God you came in. I go, how long you have this job? She goes, three weeks is brutal. She goes, I forgot. I didn't take the summer into consideration that people don't go to bars in the summer and the daytime, you know?

Right. And I go, this was my first job. Me, the asshole, I took a job on Saturday days, like the first week of July at this bar. I made $4 the first Saturday. I went on the second Saturday. I cleaned up a little bit. I got to get the fuck out of here. Well, John, I fucking hated KFC.

I had that for like a day. Maybe a day or 28. What did you do? I don't. I remember, I was in the back with the chicken or some shit. It was bad. It was a bad fucking job. I was like, this sucks.

I never worked at a fast food. Yeah, I did McDonald's a couple of months, but my mom said, oh, you're eating food too much. Quit that job. Then I wound up as a produce kid at King Cullen. That I liked, except I got sick. I used to go from the cold to the hot. I was wrapping fruit, and then I started getting sick from going out to the cold.

But I liked it. In the back, you know, I met some girl with curly hair. Name was Lisa Ferrar. I remember that one, with the big knock is. Suck the tits in the freezer? No, I never sucked the tithies. Her crazy boyfriend attacked me from the weeds. I remember that girl because she was hot.

Oh, my God. You know, I just remember those stories. But, no, I never held on to a lot of jobs, except when I worked for a hotel. And that was one job that I liked. And then I was a bellman for a summer. I said, oh, shit, this is not bad. In Manhattan? Yeah, it was a summer job.

My father was there in construction. John was there in construction. And my mom said, why don't you get him a job as a bellhop? It's a new hotel. I was going to college at home, and first night, I don't know what I made, like 100, 110. I had like a Jewish bankroll. Look like I had a thousand dollars. My dad opened the door, and he said, how much you make, kid?

I said, it's right there, dad, like 110. What the, you're you kidding? He went crazy. I said, yeah, cash, man. Fucking cash. He's loaded. My father was like, and I was sucking it away. My father was like, look at him of that cheap skin.

Look at that skin. Flendie used to call me. He's saving every fucking nickel. Look at him. I was like, you got me the job, so I was making money, man. I loved it. I was making all kinds of money. And it was a fun job.

You worked five days a week? I was working on a summer job, five days a week. The fun was like at night. Once a while, I got my friend a job, my friend Ingracia. He was the night man. So once in a while, I would fill in for him at night. But at night, there was no business. So Ingrace even told me, if you ever work for me,

tutorial at night, you've got to be like room service. You gotta be almost like a, you gotta be a different type of bellman at night. So like, if you go in the menu and you see that there's a bottle of champagne for $65, you know, you could go buy it for $10, $15, replace it with the bar and then charge the guy $65. Like one time Count Basie wanted a hamburger. I went to Burger King, Count Basie. And that burger was like $10. I took a Burger King burger and put it like just in a regular freaking aluminum foil. And he was like, how much?

I go, you know, $10, Mr. Basie. He was like, wow. Why so much? And I said, well, I'm room service. Everything's closed, man. Two o'clock in the morning, you know? At one time, these freaking Iranians and these Middle Eastern has wanted women.

I never did that before. I went out like my Plymouth Valiant, and I found a couple of chicks on the street. I snuck them in. I brought them up to the room. I felt like a pimp, you know? And these Iranians or whatever they were, they were like, not suitable.

Not suitable. I said, well, fuck you, man. Not suitable. I went on the street to get these brards. And they were pissed. They were like, what's wrong with these smelly, ugly bastards? I said, I don't know. I know.

Shower. shower. No, I mean, the men are dirty. Not the women. Oh, the women are. Right. You're going to pay. You got to pay me. You got to pay me for my service. Fuck you. I ain't doing that again. I said... And they give you money? Yeah, yeah. $0.8. Yeah, I forget. But I made money at night. But I mostly

worked during the day. I mean, I worked during the day. And that later on, it became a doorman at a different hotel, St. Merritt. But this was on the east side. It was a Helmsley Hotel. Hawley Hotel. I liked it. The white gloves. Black shoes. I remember telling my friend, you got the job. Yeah, I said, come with black shoes.

are going to send your ass home. Comes in with fucking brown shoes. And they sent them home. I thought, I fucking told you to come in with black shoes, man. Not brown. But it was a good job. But in a way, it was a trap because, you know, I saw that he could make easy money and shit like that. And, you know, I don't want to get stuck.

And then when I was looking to make money again, I got back into that hotel business because I knew you could make money in it, you know? But it was in my brother was like, I don't want to see you get stuck in that shit, Nick. That's a trap, you know? One of the first jobs I had was a place, called Jay Harn Sons. They hired high school kids from 2 to 9 or 10 or 11, whatever you could do.

It's just a warehouse loading trucks. And I worked with this funny black guy. The guy cracked me up all day. You know, he was a man, you know. But we went out for him and got bottles of Blackberry Brandy. And, you know, he knew the guy at the liquor store. We smoked weed with him. And when he had a big after one night,

you had to have one of those things that you, they put the boxes on. you pick up and... A hand truck? A hand truck? We had hand trucks, and he would stock the hand trucks, and you'd pull him away and stock them. You had some crew stocking the trucks, and some... Some crew stocking the hand truck.

I forget what this guy's name was. And there was a goofy white dude, and he was stocking the things. And the black guy went to bend over, and he let the thing go. And I remember that the hand truck. got him in the head like this. Oh, shit. But he didn't get hurt. He didn't bleed him nothing.

But the funny thing was when they took him out, the metal from the thing went into his afro. He had like a four-inch afro. He walked around like that. And we couldn't stop fucking laughing for hours. That's my adventure in the warehouse business. I was there for two days, and my mother came in there, like the second day.

And she goes, I just got a cough in the high school. You were supposed to go to the doctor. What do you mean? You're spitting blood. I was spitting blood. I had a lung infection in high school. I got a lung infection, and I went to play football, and I started spitting pure blood.

Every time my heartbeat, I would spit pure blood. Oh, man. That's scary. They called my, I was supposed to come back to school the doctor's note. I never did. I thought they would forget about it. Fuck, no. What was it?

In the 70s, they were spraying marijuana with paraquot, a chemical to destroy the fucking, whatever it's called, the plant. But some people still picked it, and some people smoked it. I was one of those jerkoffs that I got sold to. Right. And I got a lung infection. I ended up in the hospital for 13 days. Oh, man.

How old were you? 15, 16, right there in the middle. In those 13 days, whatever, those 11 days in the hospital. I got out the night Ali lost to homes maybe, 79. September of 79, I got out. And Ali was fighting. That's why they threw me out. They're like, we can't take another night.

Because my friends are coming to visit me. They were throwing furniture out to hold. hotel window. They were showing up with cases of beers, broads. It was fucking crazy, you know. At 15. At 15? All these guys were crazy. When I got sick, a lot of people, you know, I had good friends at the time, like high school buddies, and they were showing up and smoking pot in the hotel in the hospital room and blowing it out the window. Oh, my God. It was 11. I tormented them from the first night I got in there. You know. In the hospital? Why? Because the first night I got in, I had never been in the hospital before.

I didn't know what to expect. I'm fucking white coat fear. You know what I'm saying? I have fear. And at that time, I didn't know about breathing. I knew nothing. All I knew was about fainting. And I went to sleep finally.

I didn't even really sleep good. And that night I peed the bed. But they had rubber sheets. So everything was wet. I got a fucking drenched. And in the middle of sitting there, I never forget the nurse came and she goes, we got to draw blood like a look.

You don't want to draw no fucking blood. She's like, yes, we do. We have to draw blood. and not the way I'm feeling. You say I pissed the fucking bed. I have fear oozing out of me. They're going to be fine. You're a big kid.

We'll do it standing up. I kept saying, I don't want to give you blood. In those days, they had like a little cart that they pushed. Yeah. The nurses were changing the sheets. I remember this dumb nurse took me outside into the hallway. And she goes, you ready? Yeah, she strapped my arm.

And she put the needle in there. And guys, I swear to God, I don't remember nothing. I remember waking up on top of her. Really? The needle in my arm, blood all over my fucking arm. I fainted and took her down with me. The cart tipped over. Oh, my God.

Tremendous. After that, they had a fucking... Take butt out. I hate them. I'm with you. I fucking hate walking through them. Me too. Knock out wood.

I don't want to ever see anybody. I don't want to wind up there. Something happens to me, please don't let it be there. When I get the surgeries on my knee last year... I had one surgery on my elbow and that was like traumatic for me. I can't spend the night. That's a fucking... Couldn't.

That's a fucking nightmare with those ham and turkeys. Lee likes those turkeys in. Lee would come home from Cedar Simon and go, that food was delicious. I told me the guy not to even knock me out. He gave me like Twilight. He goes, you won't be, you'll be out, but he goes, your eyes were open the entire time. Jesus. Yeah, he goes, it was hilarious.

He goes, and you were fucking, we became friends being this guy. He goes, and you were telling me you were going to beat me in basketball. He goes, I never saw anybody so funny. And then I woke up crying after. I didn't. I don't remember my own. eyes being open. I said, my eyes were open. He was, yeah, wide open. And you

talked through the entire operation. I said, that's fucking crazy, man. Then afterwards, I freaked out. He gave me norco, and I almost jumped out the window. The pill's nausea. Yeah, and I went home. I was hallucinating. I was running around the house. I was running around my brother. I was, what's wrong with you? You sound like you're freaking? I said, yeah,

I'm going insane. I was taking the thing off the surgery. We were doing, I was doing Chuck and Larry then. And it was, I had a little break, and I had tore something right off my elbow. I tore this thing right off bone. I freaked out. Unbelievable. A traumatic experience. You gonna put some Tony Bennett on? You're gonna sit down. Put a little Bennett on that. Put a little better on.

Put a little wrap pack or some shit. We're here at the halfway market, Monday. Talking to my main man, Nicky, tricky, tricky, tricky, Nicky. Gene Hammons. Here we have, Gene Hammons. Oh, yeah. Wanna be around to pick up the pieces. It's beautiful.

When somebody breaks your heart. Wow, that's music. That's this shit today. Somebody twice as smart. Fucking kids. Edom. As I. Wow, you can make love to this.

That fuck. I mean, there's fucking music and there's making love music. This is beautiful, huh? How are you feeling, Lisa? Yeah, what's going on with your dad's coming? You're excited? He's coming in August. What did you send him for Father's Day?

You said you sent him a fucking... I sent him. A little crystal book. Yeah, he just started liking to read, so I bought him. a Billy Crystal book, a Johnny Carson book, and then actually a pretty cool thing that's on or was on HBO. It's Billy Crystal talking about like the 700 Sundays

he had with his father. He liked that. Nick liked that. So, I sent him that too. How old is you dead? 63? Yeah, 63. He's in good health? Yeah, he's doing good. He's down in Florida. He's retired. He's great. He's having a good time. You're lucky, man.

My dad passed the 63, but I'm saying stay close to him because you only get one. father. I've started freaking out. Not freaking up, but I've started thinking about it. And then I got this notification on my phone that said I was almost out of voicemail space. But I'm just not deleting voicemails for my parents anymore.

I feel like I'd like to have it. We got to delete a couple. The ones that your mom just called and says call me back, delete those. Who gets the fuck? She calls you with a good story on the phone and tells you said, you're a check. Something like that. That'd be a good one to keep. Yeah. Hey, you know, listen to that Tony Bennett. I'm starting to buy

albums again. I'm going to these CD trader stores. I'm into buying albums again because it was just something about having an album. You know what I mean? Not like the CDs, the tapes, they don't there's something special about the whole event, put the album on, you know,

the record playing, I got the turntables. I'm back into it, man. I'm back into getting albums again. It's a fast. I love it. It just makes me, I don't know, there's something special about that. You know, it's like watching a black and white movie. It's just something beautiful about that whole

experience of buying albums again, you know, Louis Prima and buying Sinatra, Engelbert Humperdink, all these guys. Pumperdink, we called him Pumperdink. My dad said, yeah, puts on some pumper dink, you know. I don't know, I like it. I don't mean, even soundtracks. I bought some Scarface

I found the Scarface soundtrack. It's a good soundtrack, actually. Really good. You know, it's when you talk about albums, you know, people, like Lee doesn't have a fucking clue. I'm mad of them. I just, Lee doesn't have a clue

about the album experience. Lee came up with the CD experience. Now today it's even different. Now it's computer. Yeah, it's computer where there's no experience. It's just a download. Download. Vinyl's coming. I just got into vinyl. Did you get the turntable? Yeah, I have the turntable and I listened to the first half

of Houses of the Holy today. What did you think? It was good. I just was doing some work in the It was crazy. First two songs? Because one of the songs is kind of like really melancholy. Maybe that one You don't have to go Oh

Oh, oh And the other way's Dancing days I hear again Oh yeah And it goes into no quarter In the ocean Which is the meat potatoes

Of the fucking album right there Wow But it's really coming back It was a different And I didn't insult When I say You didn't know What the thing was

I don't know I'm happy I'm happy that you Do have that Because it's a different You know There was nothing like Walking to the record store

On a Saturday Right Okay, you either had a paper route or you had your 13th birthday, whatever the fuck, you had cash. And you already know what the album cost would tax. Exactly. You knew it was $7 and $62 fucking sex. Really? You knew.

You knew. You knew. You knew. You knew. It was like going to buy a pair of converse. You knew they were $10. I'm going to go get my new chucktale. $9.99 plus tax.

That was a lot of money. That was a lot of fucking money. What day did the records come out? Is it like a day of the week or day the month? Nothing like that. They just came out and you went up there. There was always the fucking jerk off from the neighborhood, Sam goodies, that got the first album and told you it was good. And you couldn't wait until Saturday to walk up there and get the album.

But it was exciting. It was exciting. You walked home 20 blocks with this fucking album. And you had to walk through a black neighborhood, so you got to hide the arm where you get jumped and they'd get your fucking album. You know, that, I have a friend Eddie Bravo. One night I was doing calm, and he was just talking to me about how when he loved Kiss, he couldn't let the buddies in the... neighbor would know that he like kiss because they beat him up.

He had to sneak an arm home and put it under his bed. He couldn't even, he had to keep it from his brother. You know, that's, now you just download something, keep it in your emails, whatever the fuck you keep on your iTunes list, whatever. But just to have the album, to go home, put it on, and to read the album cover and the sleeve,

it meant the world to you. What hotel they stayed on the road, who their managers were, I want to thank my daughter Crystal. You know, they gave you pictures, they gave you lyrics, you know, you paid, but they gave you this thing. Now you have, yeah, now you give me a different experience. I'm not putting down the experience you give me now.

Now I could go on Twitter and talk to Dave Groh. You know, I could possibly do something with a celebrity. You know, when I was a kid, you had a picture of Elton John on your wall. Right. There was no way of talking to him on Twitter or Facebook or, you know, Instagram and with that motherfucker or whatever. Yeah. It was a different experience.

you cherish more. It was more personal. It was personal. You brought it home that album cover. You know, there is nobody that's my age or younger that walks into an album store today and has to stop when they see album covers that you forgot completely about. Yeah, I know. And they do something to you.

They freeze you in time. Like you guys are going to be frozen in time when you hear the infected mushrooms 40 years from now. You're going to go. I remember dancing in the office for Joey that night, all fucked up. But it's so weird how that. I have always loved that experience. Like, I think of one hour that I sat there for hours

and looked at the doors, American Dream, with the poetry inside and the fucking pictures he wrote all fucked up. It didn't matter. You read the Van Halel. I remember still getting a poster

in Van Halen 3, the worst album, The Led Zeppelin album. The Led Zeppelin. The Rolling Stones with the fucking thing. My brother Ralph had all these albums as to look at them and go, wow, this is something.

Where did you get this? who's this guy, Jimmy Hendricks, orange cover, you know, man, it just blew your way. You're like, you're right. It was just so special to look at it. It meant something. I don't know.

That's great that America's getting back in. It's good. It's happening a little bit of a lot. And I knew it would. I knew it would. I knew it would. I knew it would. Because it just makes sense, man.

It's too much drama to play music. You know, for you, I mean when I was growing up, all the fucking guppies, the yuppies, whatever they were, 1980. Oh no, it's the real to real, man. Everything was the fucking real to real. Then the real to real fucking came and went like a bullet in the night. Everybody comes saying, oh, my real to real, I can hear when the singer pulls away from

the mic when he's, stop, stop. Is it, remember the big, what was the big commercial when we were kids? Is it live or was it Memorex? Right. Memorex ran shit back then. That's right. You know, and then it went to cassettes, and then I went to CDs. I even like the A track

I think that every year they just con people Look at it and now it's back to albums If everybody would have just kept buying Alums and kept those needles on the thing We're right back where the fuck we started from So I hope you dummies learn the fucking Valuable lesson And the fucking 45s man

The 45s for one song and the shitty one on the back Oh one and the shitty one right On the flip side And they'd sell how much of the 45 is a dollar It was cheap A dollar yeah because a dollar A dollar I love the labels

You see all that Stevie Wonder's song, the colors of the label. I bought this Tom Jones album that says parrot has a green. I love the labels that are these, the color of them. You got to, I'm telling you. Very interesting. Lee, you just watched an episode of Sopranos. Yes. When they sell the houses to the people.

What happened when they were in the sauna? When they, oh, girl, what the Tony Soprano say to the black guy? The shylights, the best. And he goes, and the guy. goes, the fucked up thing was they were on such and such label with Tony Dorsey. And he goes, no, they weren't.

And he goes, okay, and they ended the conversation there. In those days, you knew what label your... He got even more intense. He said, like, they only want idiots to think that. Or someone really, like, rude. Right. Well, what happened was in those days was

they were talking about all that great music came out of New Jersey, Frankie Valley. Right. And it was all payola. So what they would do is the mob would make partners with a record company. They'd go to the records. They'd go to the radios. They'd fucking give the radio money to play their music. That's how you make a hit.

I can't make a hit unless I play your fucking music. Right. So that's how the hits were made. That's how they played your music so you could sell more of it. So all those mobsers, if you watch, Hesh, did you, own the record? Did you see the pilot? When the black guys wanted to have a meeting with him? Yeah, what happened with that?

Nothing ever came from that. Because not. Probably did. Sopranos aren't going to tell you. It's for the imagination. It's like till this day, people sit around and wonder what happened to the Russian in the woods. Oh, that never gets resolved? No.

A lot of things were left on resolve. Left unresolved. I like that. I like that. Your cousin, by the way, is really good. I hate her, but she's really good. She was very good in the show, yeah. That was a great show.

That was really, first for a couple of years. That was Joe was riveting, I have to admit. It was really, it was fucking... Listen, if it wasn't for that show... Listen, I love Michael Jordan, but if it wasn't for Julie. deserving. There'd be no Michael George. That's right. That's right. You know, I love Breaking Bad and I love

Sons of Anarchy, but it all came from the Sopranos. That character, that guy that could, you know, Ricky Ricardo went home to his wife every night. The guy from the Walton said, good night, John Boy. This guy went out to his strip club that he was a partner in. He fucked other women, and you still watch every week

to watch Sonya Sopranos. You still liked them. You still liked them. That was the show. That's the show. Women like your wife will look at them and go, I'm not going to watch This is this guy cheats on his wife. But you liked him. You fell in love with the character. You fell in love with him so much

that you're like, who gives a fuck of your cheats on his wife? Constantly. That's a fucking gift. That's a real show that makes you forget about what you stand for. Exactly. It wasn't like they analyzed it and said,

all this guy is narcissistic, he's not likable, other people are going to watch it. And I'm like, the guy was fucking, you know, unlikable guy in the world, but people liked them. They liked them.

So that's why the networks wouldn't do a show like that. The networks would never do a show like that because they're always about you've got to be likable. You've got to be, you know, you can't be unlikable. That's the gift about that show. But that's what was great about it. That's what the show was about. That you didn't give a, you didn't give a fuck. It's a great fucking show. People always root

for bad guys. They root for villains. They love the bad boys. And he was a bad boy that had, you know, he was deep. He wasn't like a one-node guy. So you would justify some of his, you know, flaws. More fascinating by a guy who's

not perfect. Much more fascinating. That's why Ralph Cramden. He used to tell his wife, I'll punch you right in the face, go to the moon. You never see comedies like that. You know, you couldn't get away with that shit today. You know what I mean? But he was great. You loved him. At the end of the day, he was a lovable loser. And so Tony Sproulogne, they loved that character. He was a great guy and a great actor that did it. And the guy was fucking great. The writing was great, but James was tremendous. I mean, you don't. You should the road warrior yet? Which one?

Mad Max? No one. No one. No. Was it good? Yeah. I like Tom Hardy Oh, he's a good actor He is a very good actor He's good, he's good He's good in that The one with Gandlafini The movie sucked

It was a bad movie It was a bad movie But he was good I saw him in the The Warrior movie I liked him a lot With the brothers He was like a wrestler

That was a good movie And there's a good movie And there's a movie He's good in that too I turned it on one I had to turn it off It was disturbing It's a little weird

But I like it Do you see that Lee? No I haven't seen that one Is it about Charles Bonson No, no, it's about this character named Charles Brunton. He's in prison his whole life. He's notorious fucking criminal, villain of death and all this shit. I can't believe Gandalfini's gone.

That's fucking weird. I remember when he died, it was just like shocking. My brother went to the funeral. He said he never saw so many people crying because it was really, really sad. He was at my mother's week and everything. He did a move with John. And I don't know. It was something about the guy that he was, you could tell it.

People loved him. He was a giving guy. He gave to the cast He fought for people He fought for anything He wasn't like a douchebag You know A lot of guys are not in the position

They don't care about the rest of the cast They don't care about it This guy he had a He had a big heart But he was I think he was a dark guy You know deep down He had a lot of demons

His demons did him in You know It's unfortunate But that's what made him so great Man I saw him I remember hugging him In my mother's wake

And I could tell I said this guy is That's why I was driven to him as an actor, you know. He was a great character actor. Then all of a sudden he got this part, and I was like, wow, I knew he was good, but I know he was that good. He was, like, really fucking good.

He was really good. He had some weight. You know what I mean? I'm not talking about this weight. I mean, he just had some real chops. And he was good with women. You know, for a guy that wasn't beautiful. He was a sexy fucking guy with women.

Like, you know, he was overweight. He was fat, but, you know, you could love seeing him in bed, fucking women and, you know, making love and shit like that. Anambia, Shearra, he had all these wild affairs, the one chick

with the one leg. I mean, he had, you know, he fucked everybody. Yeah, he banged everybody. Now he's fucking the Cuban girl.

Yeah, oh man. Yeah, he just hooked up with the horse lady. The horse lady. But he was good with women.

There were some guys that you go, they're good with women, like, you know, like De Niro. He's never been good with women.

He looks awkward with women. But Gandalfini was actually like, he was a sexy motherfucker with women, you know, he just had that sex appeal.

Can you believe the scene between Tony and his cousin asking her about Ralph's sex life. Just a brother and his sister. He gave her three grand. He goes, he goes, how did you come up with that figure? And he goes, I picked one and thought he would say yes to him. He said, you guessed right. He was so mean, too.

Oh, my God. He was so mean at times, you know? He was mean, but she was crazy. She's just so crazy. Oh, her? The best is when he goes to put her on the bus. And she goes, Tommy, what did you do with him? We buried him up on the hill.

Overlooking. Flores. No, Janice. He fucking sold it, Jack. Oh, yeah. He fucking sold. It's really good to see somebody sell it. Yeah.

I love to see actors sell it. I was meeting with these writers last week, and we're talking about flashback scenes and movies. And we're talking about, you know what, if the person, you commit to the flashback, it's a tremendous fucking flashback, you know? Yeah. It's tough to do.

It's not always easy to pull the flashbacks off. It's not always good. No, no. They did a lot of that in the show. Some of it was great. good and some of it wasn't that. They didn't always nail it, you know. But you're right.

Those flashbacks are, you know, sometimes when they're done well, it could be brilliant. But it's not easy. And not easy to do. You know? I mean, like in Godfather, too, it's great. You know, when they do the flashback scenes, it's just beautiful. The way, you know, you just forget.

You know, you go from one time to another time, and you're completely with that time. You know, the way they did that, it was just beautiful. In all the Godfather movies, I think my favorite scene is the end of two when they go back to the kitchen. And they're talking about, you know, hurry up, we brought a cake for pop. Yeah. That is to me. It's a great scene.

That, to me, is one of the greatest scenes in movie history. And they're like, oh, it's a great scene. He goes, I join the congratulate me. Yeah. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. James Con is so good in it.

Oh, my God. So good in it. But you know, if you know, if you. You went to an Italian house or an Irish house. It was like that. Or a house with fucking passion. Right. That's the house.

The house of passion. That the mother finally had to come and go, stop, stop, stop, stop with the fucking phone. And she's cursing. She's telling you to stop cursing. Just like when they're eating in the first one and Carlo tries to say, you know. You know, I can help you out. I can help you out. You know, we don't discuss business at the table.

You know, those niggas are up there riding. Catalax and shit. We don't discuss business at the table. But you're right, you know. They don't, that, that takes you back. And you know, that other scene is great when they're all sitting around. I don't know, where's Luca? I don't know.

He's shacked up or something. Oh, my God. That's a great scene. Yeah, yeah. That's a great scene. They're all sitting around. Just answer the phone. They're not expecting me.

Right, he goes. All right, all. The fact guy starts laughing. Oh, my God. They all start giggling. Oh, my God. Starts laughing. You know, that guy was great.

Richard Castellano. He lived in North Bergen. Did he? Yeah. A great actor. My buddy called in the Assemblyman. That's what the funeral. That's what they had the funeral.

Really? Really? I never saw him. He lived in the grinder. Now everybody who does Coke lives at this building. It's circular. So they call it the grinder. I just saw Pacino on a,

was Charlie Rose the other night. He's great. He's a great interview. He really is, you know. He's very articulate, Pacino. He said some great stuff, fascinating stuff. He was talking about early in his career. He was saying, like, you know,

I didn't even think I was so good. I remember. I didn't even know if I, you know, I was going to make it this big I had a friend that was saying when good things were happening to me. This should be happening to me, not you. And Piccino goes, yeah, I know. This was his friend telling him, why isn't it happening to me?

Why is it happening to you? And Al said, you know, he goes, my friend of mine wanted it. He goes, he wanted it. But he goes, I guess I had to have it. He goes, you know, like my friend wanted it, but I had to have it. In the way he said that, like, you know, as much as people are humble and say, I'm lucky. But when somebody wants something,

That's one thing. It's like a woman. Yeah, I'd want her. But I have to have her. I have to suck her tities. I have to kiss her. I remember I told my brother one time I was doing bone better blues. I said, this chick cinder.

She's gorgeous, mulatto. I'm going to kiss her on the mount. You're insane. I said, no, I'm going to kiss her. Watch, I'm going to go over there. I'm going to kiss her right on the lips. Because I had to kiss her. I had to taste her lips.

I couldn't, I didn't want it. I had to have it. Sometimes you just have to have. have it. It's a very powerful statement. I don't know. I get lost a little bit thinking about it, but, you know, it's true. You know what? It's Lee and I were having a conversation

of wanting something. Lee liked that. I don't know. Yeah, Lee likes everything. I'm just worried if there's any assault charges pending that you just admitted to, or... Oh, did it? What did I say? No, but, like, just having to kiss a girl. Yeah, it was... It was 20 years ago. Go back to your

home on the fucking computer. What the fuck is going to do that? Jesus. you're worse than law and order. He's like a pending dames. He's on my neck. He's on my fucking neck. Yeah, I charge him seven grand. Unbelievable.

You really thought, what are you laughing about? But Lee and I were having a conversation that you could tell. I love when he looks at the way to go, what the fuck do you want? He's fucking gay. Lee and I were talking about like how I felt in 1995 coming back from doing comedy. How long are you doing comedy, Joe? 24 years and sitting there going, what's today's day? Oh my God, it was last, it was Thursday, 24 years.

The 22nd. Yeah, 24 years. And I remember doing comedy like five years and crying at night, crying that, crying, crying myself to sleep, going, I don't know how to improve in the time. I didn't think in my mind, I didn't think I had a big window. I had to get good fast, and I know the only way to do that was to get on stage. You have to get on stage every fucking night

and write every day. So I got on stage every opportunity. But Boulder, Denver, had a limited amount of stage time. You know, I could sneak up on fucking karaoke night here. I would sneak into an open poetry night one night until they caught on. They threw me the fuck out of that.

So when, I don't know, when I got cut loose from Denver and I decided to leave and moved to Seattle, that pain really, it was the pain of wanting it. man, wanting to get good, wanting to work, you know. I didn't want to be in movies on TV. I just want to be a good stand-up, so I had something to do with my life.

I just wanted to do something with my life, you know. Even if I didn't headline, I didn't care. Even if I got 600 a week and lived in my car, I didn't care, Nick at that time at the age of 32. I just wanted to get good at comedy, you know. It was a certain pain, and unless you have that pain, you really can't describe it to people. That's true. The pain of wanting and then decide. that you're going to commit to this.

This is what you're fucking doing. Like, just that fucking pain. You know, like, you know what? Enough is enough. This is what I'm doing. It takes a certain... You know, last week I yelled at Lee, and I didn't apologize to him

because he got me mad because he watched nine episodes of a show. You know? And my argument was, it was a Friday. There's money to be made on a Friday. You cannot sit in front of a TV for nine... And he knows I love him. I mean, he didn't get mad at me.

No. He knows I love him. on breaking his balls because it's a discipline. It's a discipline in your mind that you have to do something every day. You know, and I know you're with your girlfriend or whatever, you have to take her home and say, I'll pick you up in five hours. Even if you're just going to go home and walk off on the couch, it's a discipline. You develop a discipline to doing something.

That's right. And that's very important, you know. We talk about people committing to stuff. Today I went to Jiu-Jitsu. When I was leaving, the guy followed me out to the car and he goes, I've got to tell you something, man. I didn't think we'd be having this conversation. conversation two years later. He goes, I thought you were going to walk out of here

after the second week. Because every time you come in here, I'm so proud of you. And that's how I was telling Lee started going to Jiu-Jitza on Tuesday nights. And I go, Lee, just go once a week. Every time you go, you're beating the odds of people. Because in this country, the way we are today, nobody commits to nothing. Nick, you see it. You see it. They come to you with a fucking TV show. We did this and we're going to pitch it. And all of a sudden, they just disappear. And also you look them up on Facebook and that back in Connecticut working at the fucking highlight thing and you're like,

you were just here telling me you were going to be the next fucking nah, what was who wrote fucking the tequila guy from Cuba? Whatever his name is. I have no idea. The commitment level in this country has gone people do not want to put in and listen, I'm not going to fucking lie

to you and tell you I was any different. When I was 19 and I walked into the electricians union and they were like, yeah, the first year you make 15 bucks an hour, 12, whatever, 11, 92 was this and then the third year, and after five years, when you're 21, you look at five years, you go, go fuck yourself. You know, even the service, you're like, you know what,

I'm going to get shot after a year, so it doesn't really matter. I'm not doing four years in the service. Nobody joins the service since they're going to last in there for four years. But if you commit to something, the time passes so fucking fast. We have forgotten, you know, and that's all I meant the Ad Day League. I didn't mean it a bad way. No, I totally understand. Or insulting you.

Not at all. I didn't take it like that. I wasn't mad at you. I was just saying that. But. But then after today, look at Mark Marin. Look what he did. Like, you've told me, like, he took a career that wasn't going where he wanted to go.

What was that? We discussed this, him and I last week. Oh, my God. We have a friend Mark Marin. Great guy. I've known him in comedy since 97. I had a little tiff with him in 98 over cocaine. And we discussed on this podcast, and we never talked for a while.

I'd see him. I'd say hello. He was great and almost famous. I went up to him and shook his hand and said, you were great, you should really pursue acting. You know, and he was with three arts. He was one of David Beckie's first clients at three yards. David Beckie's one of the most powerful guys in Hollywood.

He's got Lewis C.K. and Tracy Morgan and fucking him. He's got all the comedians in that level. They go to three arts. Kevin Hart's with three arts. Those are the people. That's the place, huh? That's the place. So, you know, he was down and out.

Things weren't going his way, which happens in the city. You know, you have peace and valleys. And sometimes you just can't. wait for your fucking agent. Sometimes you cannot wait for your friend who's a friend of Clinesse Wood who said he's going to put you in Jersey boys. Sometimes you just say, fuck it.

He called the most powerful, one of the most powerful guys in the comedy division at three yards and said, yeah, I'm working on a podcast. And the guy looked at him and said, what are you talking about?

That's fucking shitty radio. And they giggled. The guy took an insult, fired him. And today that guy guy's Mark Maron, who had a show put on it because of his podcast. But Friday, Obama went on it. I'm Mark Maron's podcast.

Podcast. In his fucking garage. In what town? Like Pasadena, do you think? Obama went with the helicopter, the whole thing, the Sun Valley. Wow. Went in his garage. It was on World News Tonight, him saying the word nigger on the podcast.

Really? He actually had a real conversation. A real conversation with Obama. Oh, so happy. Wow. Okay? Do you understand me what the magnitude

of this is? This is a guy that they looked at and said, the top comedy, this is what I said to you last week and we were having that discussion

about starting up and I said to you, these guys, these agents, these TV people, they have no idea. It's like they don't have no idea about the internet.

Right. They have no idea. Yeah. They have no idea. They're arguing still. Well, we're going to rate to it. They don't even know.

They don't know. They don't know. YouTube's getting paid. Nobody else. You put a video up on YouTube. They play the, million times you get $18, you know.

My point is they don't know. This is our genre. This is why they're confused with this. They don't know. We make our own prices. We set our own. We make a... Remember when Ike Turner... When Tina Turner put the movie out, the real... What's Love got to do with it? Ike Turner got pissed off

in real life. And he hired a publicist and he went on an all-out barade. And in New York City, he said, we're going to make our own movies. We can make our own movies. We write our own books. And that's what the guy said to him, So is it true? You used to beat up on Tina Turner.

He goes, I never beat up on it. I just punched in the face a couple of times. He said this at a press conference. Oh, my God. I just punched in the face a couple of times. But that's the problem. They don't really know. The magnitude of this thing, this is, you know, this is nine to five.

This is people who go to work and go, this is in the supermarket late night. There's no Howard Stern late night. What do you do these stock shows late night? What do you listen to? You can only listen to Alice in Chains so much before you want to listen to these different people, different perspectives, because they have everything. It's not just comedians.

It's actors. It's doctors. It's people who do taxes. I saw a fucking podcast for taxes last week. You know, this is amazing. This is a fucking, a tremendous fucking forum. So that is, like, groundbreaking that Obama went on this guy's podcast. And I'm so happy for him.

I got to tell you, I'm so fucking happy. This guy? Listen, man, you know, sometimes it's great when somebody has a dream and somebody tells them to go fuck himself. Yeah. Sometimes when you believe in your dream that much, that's when things happen. That's true. That's when things happen when you believe in this dream. When your mother says to you, you're a loser, go back to your father, work with him.

Look, he's worked at the plant for 40 years, and you're like, fuck you, ma! I'm out of here. I'm going to the village. I'm painting my face black and I'm singing fucking Antwin and Fire songs. There's a market for that shit You never know until you try This guy left three yards An agency that eventually

They would have done something from They would have put him on the Louis show As a psychic, something They cast that whole fucking show With red on it That whole shows is them Town and country Amzhi Amzari

That's his whole show They package that whole show three arts He looked around this thing And said The Hindu, you're on it You're on it, you're on it Look at all the people in that show Parkshundre

They're all three arts people. That's their show. That's what they do. You know? Mark Myron did something really cool, and I've never met him, but I like him now. At the end of the podcast, he listed off everybody who helped him. Like the artist, like the guy with the guys for the website, his producer. But then he also, he left a lot of money on the table.

I don't know if you've listened to it. He only had one sponsor. And I'm not even sure if they were paying him. He said, like, thank you to Squarespace. So he left, like, that podcast has probably been downloaded over a million times already. It has to be. The one today was. Obama, they broke the bank today.

So how did they get Obama? He has a big... No, the article I read said that someone of his staffers was a fan. Oh, really? Obama was a fan. No, one of Obama's staffers was a fan of Mark Maron's. Oh, I see. And brought it to his attention. Yeah. Wow. This is big for the... This is it. This is it.

Now, somebody else might have a beef and might go on corollas or, you know... And this is what I would say. It's a different forum. You cannot put a price on this. They don't know how to... This is an easy forum. This is just three... gentlemen talking. We just had a great conversation about food, sports, music, you know. Women, you know,

whatever the fuck you want. This is a beautiful thing. Let me give some shout-outs and I'll get you out of here. That beautiful. Nice and easy, no fucking drama. How you feeling, cuck, sucker? Two stars is pretty much my limit. Graham, I love you over there in Dublin. Thank you for the kind words today. Corey Layton, Corey

Butts, Wolf G, you know, I love you. The UFC Jim and San Antonio sent us a few t-shirts. and some other things. The UFC Jim and San Antonio. Eric Weiderstrandt, smoking Lady J, you smoking dirty bitch, I'll see you this week. Joshua Arambula and Jeffrey Stunk.

Jeremy Stork, I think that's your fucking name. I can't see my right. And then some guys sent me a nice CD, and they sent me. They smoke a number and play a number. You're all legends, Diaz and Lili. The guy's name is Malt, and he's got his whole band here. We got your CDs in the car. Check out the Polaroid there, Sam.

I don't know the name of the fucking band. They didn't put it on there. But what are you going to do? You know what I'm saying? You got different strokes with different folks. What's going on, my buddy? So what's your ideal fucking day of food? Give me, like, if you woke up in New York City at 7 in the morning,

you drank a little coffee in your hotel room. Go to a diner? What breakfast? Give me the breakfast here. I go for a nice dinner. I got scrambled eggs, or I get two eggs over easy. A little bacon, home fries. No turkey bacon, right?

No, no turkey. Fuck that turkey bacon. Fuck that shit. A cup of black coffee and a diner, good black coffee. That's the best coffee. You know what I mean? A little grapefruit. I like a little grapefruit.

You know, a little sweet toast? Yeah, yeah, wheat toast. I even like white toast. Wonder bread, toaster, light butter. Yeah. Brushed on that. Sure. What are you taking notes for?

Are you reporting to the beds? I'm running down what I want to say. All right. This fucking Googled some brownies. No. What are you got for lunch? Lunch. I get a nice, a nice, a nice meatball hero.

Nice meatball hero, little mozzarella on the side. The bread toasters or the moot's, the bread toast. The moots burns on the edge. The bread is crispy. Right. Maybe in a slice for a nice slice of pizza. On the side. Absolutely, why you're waiting.

Yeah. Why you're waiting for the meat bowl of her? Maybe I get a little half of a calzone, a good calzone. Oh, shit. Yeah. That would be really. nice, right? Top it off at night with a nice fucking porter

house steak. How many ounces? How much meat can you eat? I don't like them too big. You do? No. You don't like them too big? I don't like them. Twelve ounces is good enough for me. Twelve ounces is perfect. What do you get on the side? A little baked potato? A little side of pasta. You've been to the side of spaghetti, pasta marinaata, that's it. Yeah, you could do a little pasta marinada.

Fuck, yeah. How about little baked clams? Baked clams. Casino? Yeah, not casino, just baked clams. Big clams. Nice, little, nice loaf of bread with Some butter. For bread? Yeah.

Stop. What do you get for dessert? What kind of desserts in your world? Dessert in my world. A little espresso. I have some Zimbuka. And then I get a nice little spamoni. You know?

Nice little, nice little spamoni. I like a good cookie, too. You know what I'm like a big dessert. Unless it's really, really good pastry. You know, a good piece of pie. Let's see what lunatic's going to fucking say. Go ahead. What shit menu are you going to put with me?

No, you go first. I'm thinking. What's for breakfast? Go ahead. Okay. I like a. like egg bacon and cheese sandwiches, but I like them when you put hash browns inside.

That's what I want. That's what I'm dealing with you. What's wrong with that? Disgusting. Now, you know, when I make scrambled eggs, I got a trick, and everybody goes crazy over them. You know what I do? What do you do?

I burn the butter with oil, olive oil. I put butter, then I put olive oil, right? Butter than olive oil, then I let it smoke. It has to smoke up, like the fire alarms go off, the alarms go off, to smoking. So I scrambled the eggs, then throw the eggs in, turn them fucking quick.

because then they get a dark color. The eggs are dark and the taste. No, these don't taste like scrambled eggs because I burn the butter with the butter and the olive oil and then I throw it in a high flame, but I flick it fast and it's dark, you never taste their scrambled eggs. It tastes close to the diner type of eggs, but everybody goes, can you make the scrambled eggs?

I go, yeah, because they don't taste like... You put ketchup on your scrambled eggs? If you want afterwards. With some white bread. I like pepper. A lot of pepper. A lot of pepper. scrambled eggs with some ketchup on that

motherfucker. Tell you what's good too. It's a good, nice, slice, thin, sliced French toast. You know, nice or even a pancake. I'm more of a pancake person. But it's got to be thin pancakes. There's an art to making those thin.

I don't like a big fat, thick. Big fat. I'm like, I don't want that. I want no part of that thick pancake. It needs them a thin. Everything's got to be thin to me. Even French toast should be, I don't like it too thick.

I like it thin. Yeah. But I also like the syrup to the old-fashioned. syrup. I like that old Aunt Jemima. Antimima. Or the other one or there's another one that I... This is kettle word.

Something like that. I forget. No, the maple, the one, I know which one you're talking. This is some good meat. You know what I'm talking about. That shit, you get in the Bronx and shit. Yeah. You get that at the fucking boys club. Hey, a good salted bagel is good too.

You know? Give me a nice salted bagel with a little cream cheese and a slice of tomato, salt and pepper. Woo! That's nice. A good salted bagel. You're a Western bagel. Yeah, what's for breakfast at the least I had? I was, got it.

I said, but you know what? Actually, isn't bad. The whole wheat pancakes at Denny's. There's only, like, $150 each. And then I had sugar-free syrup. Which I didn't think was bad, but I probably just haven't had syrup appropriate. You know what movie makes me hungry? What?

And it's a good movie. That fucking chef movie. Yeah, that's a good one. I like that movie. Favreau did a good job. Very good. He wasn't a fan. What's for lunch?

You're not a fan? I was a fan. I did 16 scenes. I got nowhere. He did eight scenes. Nine scenes. Nothing happened. I had to move on with my life.

Oh, you didn't like it? It went from the same scenes. It's true, but I like the movie. Hit me with your dad. What's for lunch? Lunch is, okay. I really thought hard about this. I'm going with Chinese food.

General's chicken, egg roll, and dumplings. From where? Where are you going to make for a war? No, well, I'm just saying ideal. I don't know where I get. In Boston? Yeah, sure. And what's for dinner?

Sushi. I was going to get a steak, but I figured, like, sushi and, like, like, like beef tariaki? That's what I have, deal with beef tariaki. You don't like sushi? You like sushi. You get beef terriacchi. What are you talking about? You're like a good eggplant, parmesan. I don't like eggplant.

No? I like the cheese. I take the cheese off. Yeah. Well, you can't digest the cheese? No, I love cheese. I don't like eggplant. You had my favorite the other night, the chicken parm? Oh, yeah. All from Dananas, the chicken palm is?

Oh, shit. Chicken palm you like? Fuck, yeah. It's good shit, right? I like chicken palm sandwich from Jersey. And shrimp palm I love all that. Shrimp on.

Oh, the shrimp on them with the fucking bread. You got to see what I do with the olive oil. I put a little olive oil with a good piece of bread, right? Then I put grated cheese, salt and pepper. Oh, man, what a mixture that is. Mixed that up, grated cheese, salt and pepper, and a good olive oil, like a Sicilian olive oil. Like a Sicilian olive, and then dip that sucker. But you got to mix it up with the grated.

It has a flavor, salt and pepper. French bread? You toasted bread or Italian bread? Just Italian bread. Where? Where do you get? Go get fresh bread. I go to a few places. Yeah, I know good bread. You got to get it fresh. Can't let it sit.

You know, there's this bread of Domingo that they have. It's very good. It's called, you know what bread I'm talking about? The one they use for their sandwiches? They use it, yeah. Yeah, but it's very good bread, and it's great for dipping. You know, where they are, the Johns in the Valley right by me, on Magnolia and Laurel Canyon. Like, it's the worst supermarket, but they always have fresh bread, like the, The bins are steaming, and the people come from, like, West Hollywood to get it.

Really? It's really, it's crazy. That's really good bread. You're a good man, Lisa, yeah. I'm always on the look at food. You said, you said I forgot, I missed the Dunkin' Donuts, so I had a... It just opened and Cino. You go there?

Yeah, but you can't. They're not going to wait in line. Not going to wait in line. Yeah, fuck that. I don't wait in line for Dunkin'I. I go to Dunkin' Donuts in New York, New Jersey. I don't wait for Dunkin' Donuts. I don't wait for Dunkin'clock.

And Covex. And Covex. Get a yum, yum donuts made by the Mexicans. Oh. Get the glaze. Get the glaze. Go in and get a dozen. Is it open now?

24 hours. Oh, it's open? So how do I go? Where is it? You go down? You make a U-turn right here, stay on Lancashim and go. They got a good jelly donut? Oh, they got a good everything.

Jelly donut, though? I like a good. I like a good. Chocolate dipped in coconut. They got the glaze. There's a place in it's, you know, Kays donuts. They're good. they're good

They're open right now No So I gotta go to Yum Yum Oh I think I know what you're talking about By North Hollywood High School It's not too far from here right No two minutes That's what I'm saying

Stop over on the way home I bring some donuts They'll fucking love you forever Got it or a Cuban sandwich Motherfuckers are going crazy Oh man I'm going home in September I'm really looking forward

I'm going to get some Chinese food From my spot I'm gonna get some Kalamar From my spot Rudy's I've been eating this and some six and I'm going to go to my other spot. You say Kalamah, you say.

Oh, my God. With medium sauce? Galamah, yeah. If it had been the red hook, the place of Sheepshead Bay. You ever been Rendezzo's? 22 fucking years ago, 30 fucking years.

Years ago, right? Sweet sauce. Oh, that's when you have Kalamah. He went to Rudy's, really? Yeah, he got mad at me because, okay, we had just started working together. What'd you get at Rudy's? Oh, you hated me.

I wanted to order. Well, I didn't want to order, but I was still too nervous to order something expensive so I got like I tried to order cheese ravioli and you're like you don't like a cheese ravioli I was in a straining I think I got like shrimp scampier or something which is good but I was still too

I was like I don't think I should order anything expensive fuck yeah that's what we're there for to eat like savages you know what I'm saying I'm taking New York and make you eat like fucking can'tina food take it in New York where you eat what are you taking food out here Joe I go to Maserinos Manzorino that's it

And you like that? It's not that I like it it's easy The family likes it The bread is horrifically fucking bad. The spaghetti and meatballs are mens a milk. Last week I went for the fucking steak pizza hole. They gave me a steak with no sauce on it. Oh, my God.

No, they didn't. Yes, they did. Yes, they did. I almost said something, but they don't know. The guy doesn't know. Listen to this. They got shrimp-fried Diablo with a side of pasta. Yeah.

I go, why don't you put it on the pot? We don't do that here. It's shrimp-fried Diablo with a side of spaghetti and meat sauce. The whole point is the pasta. And the whole point is a pasta. They give you four shrimp in it. They just don't know. They don't get it.

And they try to have escadol and beans. You have a cup. You will drink 80 glasses of water from how much salt that Mexican put. Oh, my God. There's so much salt. They use the room. When you make that right, the escarole with the beans? Oh, it's delicious.

It's the happy hour. It's a happy hour. It's a fantastic meal. At the bar. Escarol and beans with a nice cup of wine at the bottles. Escarol is great. You got to cook that right. And then get the right beans.

It's a fantastic dish. Have you ever had the pasta for Zool? from hoods, $13 for a cup, it's fucking horrific. It's like chili. It tastes like fucking chili. I make my own pasta vuzzle. Well, next time you make it, invite me, please, because I'm a big pasta puzzle.

That shit kills AIDS. If you make it right, that shit kills the hiv. It'll kill it. You freeze it, and you take it out in November after the first snowstorm, you could suck a crack hose dick. You could suck Caitlin Jenner's dick. What's in it? Pasta Vazoo? The fucking that escut. That escut.

That grass. Whatever they put in it. What's that grass in the I don't know. What are you put in your pasta for Zool? I just, I know, I steam it and shit. Beans, what else? What else? What else? What kind of grass you put in there?

He really likes pasta forzoules. Yeah, what kind of grass you put in there? You got to put something in there. I'm putting on fucking grass. I used there as a schadole. Okay, where do you get the scotto from? I get it from the scotto. Okay, then, nice.

That's got it from somebody's backyard named Vinny. I don't fucking know. You got to ask. I think he imports it. Which else did you go to, motherfucker? There's no. Remember one fucking? in my blue heaven when Steve

Martin went to the supermarket, what was he looking for? Was it Broccoli Rob or something? Something. Baccarab, something. That's bitter shit. I like it, but it's... I don't like that shit. Sometimes it's just too bitter. I prefer to scut-old.

I don't like broccoli either. Escarole is better. I know. Broccoli and cheese looks good, though. Broccoli with a little cheese on top, when you're stoned, you'll give it a second look until you taste. Even though broccoli rob, when it's, you know, when you make it right, and it's not too bitter.

With melted cheese on it, you have. Now, this guy likes chatter cheese and eats cheddar on everything. Everybody eats cheddar. No, they don't. No. Cheddar is what you eat when you fucking go to cat. I made some nice linguine with clam sauce today. Yeah, see what I'm saying?

That was good. You eat cheddar cheese in your house? No. No. No. No. No. I'm not. I make a grilled cheese. Yeah. Yeah. But you use American cheese. Sliced cheese. Slice dead. That's what you do. Yeah.

No more cheddar. We eat. Cheddar's for fucking, you know. Someone has to support Vermont. Vermont. Who gets a fuck about Vermont? You should have a fucking food show. There's a dude. Who does it? People don't fucking know.

Fuck, that's what I'm saying. They don't know how to eat. They're forgotten. This country has forgotten how to eat. They all eat cheap. I'd like to do a Sunday show. Every Sunday, you know, we do a dinner. We had this idea about Sunday dinner.

Lamb and fucking everything. Lamb's really good. You could do a different family dinner every Sunday. Every Sunday you do it. Right. Italian dinner, Cuban dinner, Cuban dinner, Cuban dinner. Filipino dinner.

How does that work past like 15 episodes, though? It's the people. It's a different couple. every dinner. Then we go to a couple different other Jews' house, all right? It's the same place. Come over my house Sunday. Maybe that's from the other side of Israel and the other people from the other side of Israel

and they fucking eat cook something different. What's with the questions? Let's go for the sponsors get the fuck out of it. Where's the air? I'm dying. I feel it. I feel it. I feel it. I think you're going to long. I think that's fucking. Those mushrooms are hitting. I know what happened.

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