The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #297 - Ben Saunders

Episode Date: July 7, 2015

Ben Saunders, UFC Fighter, and former Bellator fighter, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for five Hit E Cig's for $50 Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. They are also produce some of the best edibles on the market, Los Gummies Hermanos Recorded live on 07/06/15 Music:  Locomotive Breath - Jethro Tull Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet La Calle Estay Durisima - Joe CUba

This show is brought to you by Onit.com. Go to Onet.com and use Code Word Church to get 10% off all of the great optimization products like AlfaBrain, New Mood, Shroom Tech Immune, Shroom Tech Sport. It's code word church to get 10% off. Show is also brought to you by NailedatLife.com, also makers of Los Gumi Cermanos. For the premier vapor pen on the market, go to NailedatLife.com and use code word Joey Diaz to get 20% off. And the show is also brought to you by Hit E6.com. Better tasting, longer lasting. The proof is in the vape.

They have e-cigarettes and e-cigars for you in different levels of nicotine. If you're looking to quit smoking, or if you just want a cool-ass e-cigar, this is a place to go. And hit E-sigs is running a five-for-50 promotion where you get five E-sigs for $50 when you use Cobra Joey's Church. Oh shit. Once you hear the piano, it could be time to hang yourself. Or it could be the beginning of a beautiful fucking show. I'm saying? The church of what's happening now, cock suckers in full effect.

Ben Saunders, Lee Syatt. Keep kicking this motherfucker Lee. This is old school for these cocksuckers. It's Monday, July the 6th. There's no more Chinese people around. They did their service for the year. That's it. Firecrackers in the new year.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Here he comes. Oh shit. Are you kidding me, Ben Saunders? What? Chilling. Loving his music.

Keep going to get started yet. Keep going, Lee. This ain't even gotten warmed up. Oh, shit. Kick this motherfucker. It's Monday, cock suckers. Oh, shit. Shuffling maddened locomotive breath.

Brons the all-time loser. God damn it. Except for the fucking flute. This guy's a bad motherfucker. No. When I saw him with the flute, I almost had a heart attack. What's happening, cock suckers? Well, we just took a thousand milligram brownies.

Oh, my God. It was going to be a fun at a show. Good-ass Monday, baby. What's up, Ben Saunders? Chilling, man. Just got done training. It's a pleasure to have you here, my brother. I remember having a conversation with you maybe seven years ago in a hotel room with Joe about Jekundo and Jiu-Jitsu.

You were just a young pup or something. Man, that was my second fight ever. it? Yeah, we were in UFC 87, John Fitch versus GSP, man. Jesus Christ, you got a memory like a hawk, brother. Yeah, dude, it was amazing. Like, when I met you guys, I was like, oh, what's up? Yes. Minneapolis. Yeah, yeah. That's right. That's right. And we hooked up when we're giggling and telling stories. Nah, it's great to have it here. It's great that you're with Eddie.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. The mastermind himself, man. You know, traveling across country just to get this work in. And you're fighting in July Fighting, yeah Yeah, yeah, fighting July 25th in Chicago UFC on Fox 16 event And I'll be in Chicago with you, just not at your venue I'll be doing comedy at Zanis Are you doing, I know Joe's doing a show

I'm doing it, I'm doing, we didn't have the date, right? Yeah, I got this date, you know, a year ago When I got the movie and Then the UFC came up with the date And I was already stuck, so Yeah, it's a shame, you know I would love to make it out

there for it, but obviously I'm going to recover. No, no. I love to make it out for you and I can't because I'm going to be on stage. How did you, you know, get hooked up with Eddie? Oh, man. You know, I'm just a huge, huge fan of the guard. You know, when I started JKD, I started with a striking background. Hoist Gracie opened my eyes, obviously UFC won and the first early UFC's, you know, seeing someone tear it up off their back. I was under the impression if I want to get involved in this game.

I want to keep it standing. People are going to want to take me down. I need to become a savage off my back. So, you know, I worked really hard, you know, lots of dedication to my guardwork. And his game, I'm very flexible. I'm very long from my weight class as well. You know, I have the bill that I could probably, If I packed on the muscle, I could fight at any weight class above 170.

But his take on the guard game just transitioned very well into what I was already doing. And more than anything, when you're in a fight, you don't want to get punched in the face. And this man's coming up with his own system and theories and ideas of how to not get punched in the face while also being effective offensively. I'm not a fan of defensive guard. You know, defensive guard works very well if we went old school MMA, no time limits. I'll let you tie yourself out. I can play the defensive guard.

But even my defensive guard is more open guard. I'm not a fan of close guard. And everything Eddie does is the only close guard that I feel is effective is top close guard, a high close guard on their upper back, pulling them in, you know, making sure they can't posture and punch you in the face. And his entire system, you know, it just seemed like a no-brainer. I went on the Ultimate Fighter season six. I basically had no money, you know, going into that show.

But when I got off the show and I made it to the UFC, my first thing that I did with the money that I got from being on the show was by his book, Master in the Rubber Guard. And I just did everything in my power to try to understand, you know, like I said, his system, his style, his methods. It's crazy that, you know, what was the guy that died hiking? I don't know. He died of, he was a UFC guy.

Oh, wait, no, no, no, he wasn't hiking. Evan Tanner? Evan Tanner, you know? Yeah, yeah. He was very much self-taught. I never understood how a guy could get a video series from somebody and just teach themselves. Yeah, that's... That is phenomenal to me.

Like, I'd be scared. I wouldn't want to get into a bad habit. there's people that have no you know they're in a little small town and there's no jiu jitsu for three or four hours you know you had no jiu jitsu background at all I mean

what you're talking is exactly talking about what he did he just went and got the DVDs that's what I'm saying he got the DVDs with no background no no no at that time but uh okay but realistically that's exactly how I did it I taught myself training with my friends

um and my brother pretty much from watching UFC, the early UFC VHS tapes. Once the internet kicked in, man, that was like, I mean, I was a computer nerd. I was all about it, you know, and you're hearing that dial-up, you know, AOL, you name it. Do do, do, do, do-do-j-all-that stuff. I miss that noise sometimes. Yeah. Just to get the information, man, like, I would print out anything I could find.

Jiu-Jitsu, philosophies, techniques. Sometimes it was pictures Sometimes it was just almost just articles I printed out everything I could Anytime I could get any form of information I was all on it man I mean since 10 years old I saw the first UFC live on pay-per-view

Changed my life Changed my life I knew from that moment I looked at my best friend and said That's what I want to do He said you are crazy Yeah right and I said watch me And you're in Orlando Florida I am now

No no but at this time at the time no I grew up in Fort Lauderdale. Fort Lauderdale. And then I eventually moved to Cole Springs, but yeah, basically down south, Florida. And you're down there and you're watching all this now. What made you, what's the matter? Someone just sent pizza to that guy.

Did that way? Perfect. Keep going. I'm sorry. So what made you walk into a G-Cundo studio? J-Cundo studio. I'm sorry. Honestly, there was nothing around but taekwondo and karate schools where I was from.

I got into Bruce Lee through my older brother, who was all about it. And it kind of, I ended up getting like Tao G. Kundo, which is like his main book. And my best friend had all his other books. And with my ADHD, I'm not the biggest fan of reading, at least at the time growing up. You know, I'm young. I started getting into this when I was like seven, eight years old. So I'm like extremely young. So I'm just like, yeah, show me the pictures. Like I want the graphs showing me he's doing this to that, to that, to that, to that. let's put it together and see if we can make this happen. You know, you try to pretend you're doing kung fu and all that stuff. But it almost seemed like fate because the only thing around was my best friend did Taekwondo.

I didn't really, you know, my parents were divorced. I grew up with no money. So it's not like my dad could really pay for Taekwondo or karate or anything for me. So it would be like my best friend would go to train. And then I would just kind of spar, play with him like when he would get back from it. and we were walking through the mall when I was 14, and there was literally a G-Crundo, like a table set up. They're showing Dan and Asano doing Filipino collie, knife fighting, stick fighting,

and I already knew what all of this was from the books and from magazines, Black Belt Magazine, and all that stuff that I was just like, like, I literally told myself we looked at each other, we're like, this is a sign from God, you know? like we went there we uh we we listened to what they had to say the pack i didn't even care what he was saying his name was si fu neil caliph he still has an academy american dragon martial arts academy in uh coal springs florida um so anybody looking uh train jkd or weapons fighting or whatnot i would definitely recommend that spot um and that was my original i was like how much does it

cost doesn't matter i'll figure it out and i went and i asked my mom i didn't live with my mom at the but I explained her, I was like, mom, I got to go here. What can I do? And she's like, well, let's see if we can get you a job. And we went to a local McDonald's that was near when my dad lived. And she went in and she talked to the manager. And they had child labor laws at the time. So it was like, you can only work like two hours and you would have to take 15 minutes or 30 minutes off and whatnot.

I could only work weekends. But I didn't care. Like, I killed myself on the weekends, do whatever I could to make that money to pay for these JKD less. and that was my official foundation. Everything else was self-taught. Even when I was going there, it was self-taught because, you know, there wasn't jiu-jitsu there and whatnot. And I had to kind of, you know, I was just learning fundamentals.

I was learning a little Wing Chun, a little Muay, Filipino collo, you name it, man. And my life kind of exploded from there. How long did you stay at J. Kendoza? I stayed there for two and a half years. So I was 14. I stayed there almost till I was 17, but I wasn't, I hated school. I really hated school. I knew what I wanted to do with my life.

I knew, I mean, and at this time, UFC was banned from pay-per-view. It was banned from TV, so I'm like, okay, so that route might not be practical, but going to Japan, going overseas still is. Pride was at an all-time high. Awesome. Yeah. So I'm like, that's still my goal. I'm like, worst case scenario, I'm going to open my own martial arts academy. I'm just going to live the martial arts.

I will, I am so down with the mediocre, even if I had to live at my gym, I didn't care. I was like, that's what my mindset. Let's just live the martial arts lifestyle. And crazy how things blew up the way it is now, obviously. But I stayed there for that long. And then I had to go into night school and I had to do, I slept in every class freshman year. freshman year literally i would come in um i'll probably play video games and stuff uh play around with computers and whatnot all night go to sleep for like four hours wake up go to school and then

sleep throughout school and do this over and over my GPA freshman year dropped to a point eight you know uh come junior year they're like you're not going to graduate you need a 2.0 you're not going to graduate i was like like obviously my dad my dad was like if you don't pick your grades up before that freshman year towards the end when he was like, are you joking me? You failed all these classes and dives and the only ones that I did good in are the ones I enjoyed. Art, you know, like art stuff. And I ended up going to have to go to night school and all that and do whatever I had to do to make sure that I could graduate.

And otherwise, he wasn't going to let me, you know, continue the classes. So, you know, I picked my grades up, but once the night school started, happening, kind of took, I don't know, I wouldn't say I got, just life in general, man. Life happened and as far as working, you know, what academy owner is going to look at, you know, a 16, 17 year old boy and be like, no, I see a lot of potential in you clean my toilets and, you know, I'll let you train here for free. It really, you know, business is business. So, you know, I didn't have the money to pay for, pay for the classes, and I kind of bowed out of the JKD for about a year. And then, but the entire time, I was still training. I was still doing everything

I said. I was printing out articles, you know, anytime I had, I even remember I had a, it was like social studies or something, and we had to do different eras. And our era ended up being 2000, and they gave me sports. Like we had a group project, so everyone had different sections, and they gave me sports. And I'm like, okay, yeah, cool, I'll do sports. I wasn't really into sports too much. You know, I was a little into football, but martial arts was my thing. So I had, like, little blocks for every other sport.

And then UFC was, like, the biggest thing. I had the most hardcore pictures that I could print out, and I made a VHS tape literally with two VCRs. I found the most hardcore fights. And I put the parental advisory up to make sure that everyone in the class knew what they were about to see. Let the teacher knew what she was about to see. And we're talking Tank Abbott, Blood Bad stuff. The Taylor, too, no, I forget who he fought.

The guy that he ended up making, like, stone up where his arms got locked up. And then he makes fun of them for having his arms locked up. Like, it was just the most vicious, I had, uh, um, I believe it was Gerard Gordo kicking out the tooth and punching the eye of Tela Tully from the first UFC. Like the most brutal stuff I could find. And by the end of it, everyone thought I was absolutely psychotic. Something was wrong with me. And the teacher was scared.

Yes. She wasn't? I mean, she was probably a little annoyed by it. Luckily, my brother and sister, my older, my older sister. and I actually have a twin brother, we're fraternal. He's a complete opposite. He's a huge pacifist, at least physical pacifist. He went the political route, so he's a verbal aggressor, I guess.

But, yeah, all the teachers like them. So I was kind of like the oddling out, you know, the black sheep of the family. And so she accepted it. But ever since that moment, it definitely scared the craft. out of most of the people in my grade. It was messed out. When did you get on the ultimate fight? How old were you when you got on that?

Which was six or seven years ago, correct? Yeah, I just turned 24. Jesus. Yeah. Yeah, man. I was 4-0-1-2. I just won the CFC Combat Fighting Championships, well-to-weight title.

And my first four fights, My first two fights were draws, a fight of the night. But there were AFC, old school. Dan Lambert from ATT was, you know, it was actually amazing. The old school show, AFC. You know, he actually brought, you'll see a lot of people from there, Hermes-Frank and various people he brought from Brazil. I fought a guy from Argentina, you know, he really made it an international show.

And now was kind of my breakthrough. How did both of your first fights become draws? Yeah, they were only two round-finding. fights. And I watched the fights, and still to this day I watched the fights, and I feel, depending on the judging criteria, I feel I won them, you know, but I'll give it a draw. It's cool. You know, first fight, I actually knocked my dude out and then woke him back up. When I hit him on the ground, he gave his back, and then for three minutes, I'm just squeezing as hard. I took the fight on three days notice because like three other people dropped out from

fighting him. Dean Thomas gave my name to the matchmaker, and they called me up. And I just remember squeezing for a rear naked choke for three minutes. And then the round ends, and I'm like, oh, man, lactic acid buildup in my arms. I was like, I can't even lift my arms. I've got to go out there for five more minutes. Okay, so that was all heart. I remember after that round, I ended up getting the takedown at the end.

He kind of teed off on me. He was a Muay Thai dude. You know, he was an ISK kickboxing champion. He came out with the Tunk Poe headgear, you know, big diesel black guy. My family, I had my family there. They're like, shut up, he's fighting him. This guy's fighting him. I was 21.

He was 31. It was like, I'm fighting a grown-ass man, you know, with experience. And, you know, I got to take down at the end. I had side-mount. He was trying to get a guillotine with side-mount. You can't finish a choke from there. The round ended. And the crowd's going crazy.

It was just a battle. We were going at it for the entire time. I had the advantage of first round, second round. I'm taking everything he has, but I didn't quit. I kept fighting back. I thought he knocked my front teeth out. And I'm thinking of myself, oh, you got to return the favor. I'm here getting $300 for this.

Oh, I'm definitely going to knock his teeth out. I got to try to knock his teeth out because they ain't. I don't have dental insurance, man. I don't even know how I'm going to get this covered. Yeah, and the entire crowd screaming, one more round, one more. Like the entire place is going crazy. I walked to my corner, I'm like, oh, my God, do I really got to go out there for one more round? And they're like, no, your contract, it only said two rounds.

I'm like, thank God, thank God. And it ended up being a draw. Those are little young leagues the way you really learn how to battle. I mean, think about it. You're training all your life. And all of a sudden, you get to this tournament, you think it's going to all be coaching. You look across and there's a 31-year-old guy across him. Ten years, you're elder.

And you're like, Jesus Christ, this isn't the same as glamorous as I thought it would be. I got to fight this fucking monster. I actually didn't care. I actually had a smile on my face. I'm like, I was so excited. I was so excited. I was like, oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, I get to finally go pro.

Like, no amateur crap. We're going straight, pro. I'm getting paid for this. This is going to be on my official record. I'm going to be on Sherdog. You know, like people can be able to look me up. I was so excited. I didn't even care.

And then, I'll say this, though. After the fight, the worst thing that I did was we were like, I was probably concussed to a little bit. And we were like, yeah, let's go to my friend's house. We'll drink some beers. And he's got a hot tub. And that was probably the worst thing I could have done. I dehydrated myself with alcohol. Went into a hot tub.

Dehydrated myself even more. more and then and I woke up the next day feeling like absolute trash and um from that day forward man I don't I don't really like to drink after a fight you know uh I don't think it's good for the brain I don't think it's good for vitality you know give my you're already cutting the weight you're already going through the fight there's so much your body just went through physically mentally emotionally yeah it's in shock and then you're gonna and then you're gonna give it alcohol Or drugs or drugs or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

I learned definitely. You're an open wound. Definitely from that day forward. I was like, nah, the longevity and vitality of my body, you know, maybe three days. Let me come home, relax, have a good night's sleep, you know. I was always wondering, and I know it's going to be different for every fighter, but I can't imagine going from fighting in front of 60,000 people to going home and watching Seinfeldry runs. Like, what is like a normal?

that's that's that's that's that's that's me man oh my god that sounds like i feel like please let me just go away for a little bit let my body just give my body three four days to just take it back you know sometimes you know it you can go out there and have the greatest fight in the world you take no punishment no you know you still had to cut weight you still had to make weight that's the only real trauma that happened um and maybe you know anything that happened throughout the training camp leading into the fight. But, you know, you had the good times, you got the bad times. But I'll agree with you on one factor, and that was, I could have went out there and I dropped him in the first minute, minute and a half. It could have been over. It could have been over.

And yeah, I would have got a W. But, man, to know what it's like to just be in there and be in the grind and have, you'll find out real quick. Do you have the heart for this? Because, you'll, I had no cardio going into that second round, you know. And when I thought he knocked my teeth out, you know, there are so many times that I probably could have just caved down, you know, gave up, tapped out, you know, give them something, whatever. And, you know, that's definitely a defining moment in anybody's career is you can go out there all day long and knock people out, submit people real quick. when you start dealing with, you know, perseverance, when you have to deal with the struggle and trying to come back or trying to maintain, that's a defining moment to kind of let you know what kind of person you are or what you're trying to strive for. You can always get better.

You could always, oh, man, I wasn't ready. You tapped out and then say, that'll never happen again. I'm going to make sure I'm in shape every time. And then, you know, obviously you can gain, you know, a little bit more ambition to have more heart later on if that's your thing. But the greatest thing that ever happened to me was my first two fights were draws. I learned everything you would learn from a loss without getting a loss on my record. And I think for sure that's kind of kind of gave me the motivation and the understanding. of I can do this man I can actually do this

I just gotta get the I gotta get my bearings down you know I gotta understand we had no clue back then you know this 2004 had no clue how to fight for had to train for a fight had to getting you know

proper conditioning for a fight I was just going to classes sometimes you know and then we would have pro pro class and it was just fighting each other you know like that's how most people came up when I came up

before when I moved to Orlando, we went to Dean Thomas's place. It was United Champions. It was Jamie Levine, Dean Thomas, Mike Bell, Mike Black, and Paul Rodriguez were the main guys. But we had people from here, California, Raw, coming out here, the old school Raw team. I don't know if they're around still, but, you know, like people that I saw on, like, on videos, you know, Gladiar Challenge and King of the Cage and stuff coming through those doors. And, uh, and we, just throw down. And I'm this, at this time, I'm 18. I'm a little baby, you know, and I'm just trying to get, trying to understand the game. I was always, I think the biggest thing is, fuck, keep your ego at the damn door, man. Tap as much as you have to. And, you know,

think about the longevity. You're not getting paid for that. There's no insurance. You break your hand, you're out fucking three months, four months of what? What are you learning at that? point in time, you know, you're very limited in what you can and cannot do. How's the fear playing to this? Any fear along the way? I asked you because

you know, I had a little bout last week, and it's so weird that after 24 years of doing comedy, you always get, I love being scared. I revolve around having fear. That's what brings the best out of me when I'm scared, you know? And I think

that a lot of, because of the UFC and because a lot of other things, you know, when I was a kid, I joined karate at 8 or 7, and I loved it, and I went to tournaments, and there was a time where, yeah, you know, there's Roberto Durant. I could do that. And then, uh, I got to a couple

brawls as a kid, and I did okay. I still didn't have any hope of being a fighter, but, you know, if that's the last straw, then I think I'll be a fighter if I really needed the money. And then one day I went to mugger dude, and I got a beat up really bad. I got punched like a thousand times. And I remember saying to myself the next day putting the ice on my head,

because he hit me everywhere. There was no fucking ref. There was no Mario Sasakami. There was no Mario Sakasaki, whatever. And that's for his life right there. You mugged him. That's for his life. He was hitting me with shots to the fucking head, the face.

Any way he could connect. And I remember putting a bag on my head the next day going. You know what, man? I learned a big lesson last night. Don't mug people, and you're never going to be a fighter. Like, this is never, ever going to work for you. Like this is, not that I was scared, I just didn't like that whole three minutes of my life. That was just horrifying.

He was all over me like a cheap suit. And you might have thought, you know, God knows what he could have done. God knows what he could have done. And I was on the way out and I punched him. He had me corned and I punched him in the throat and I ran out of that. But I knew I had like a block and a half on him. I ran fast. I broke my own record.

Sparring is a lot different from a fight. I would imagine. Listen, man. You can, you know, hitting the bag. You know, I see these guys, you know, I was going to this kickboxing place over here. And the reason why I stopped going was it was great. But they had too many guys in there that I would look at them and go, you're a fighter? Oh, no, I'm a fireman.

Then why do you have this gear on? They had cologne on and the hair, and they're really going to fucking knock your head off. I'm 50. I'm just going in there to lose weight. I'm not going to knock nobody out. These guys are in there to knock you out, and you're like, I feel bad for you. Because you're actually going to go up to a fighter someday. And he's going to hit you with six shots of the fucking head.

You're beating up a 50-year-old. And you're over there putting with a mouthpiece. But you're a part-time fucking first-grade teacher. I mean, you get a lot of those guys. But that's the ego right there, man. That's the ego. They don't know. They've never been lit up.

They never give somebody a finger in a car. That's the quickest way to know if you're a tough guy. Give somebody a finger in a car and watch them come out of the car. And I saw it a thousand times people get lit up by some guy who's having a fucking horrible day. And you think you're cute. You give him a fucking finger. And this guy, you know, getting lit up is scary, but at the same time, it does something to your heart. It tests you.

You said it. It tests you, man. And this is anything. I always tell people, you know, how many people go to college and get a degree in some fuck and come out after three months? I'm like, this ain't from me. You never got a summer job doing it. I think before you become a fighter, you should go somewhere and get points in the head. Try to mug somebody.

Go to a bar. You know, tell three black guys. a racial slur and see if this is for you. Oh, man. You know, something. I mean, fighting is, you know, you and I were talking at the pro team shake about how many stars have to be aligned for a fight?

You know, when people see, oh, Lee got a TV show, you know, how many stars have to be aligned? You know, Johnny Hendricks beat, and I'm just using this, guys, Johnny Hendricks beats somebody in a fight, you know. He's a great athlete. He was a college, wrestler. He came a long way. But all the stars have to align. Your kickboxing coach has to get and has to be on the same track as your wrestling coach, as your jiu-jitsu coach, as your conditioning

coach. There's always one guy that wants to take over or something and that ruins it. Now you have that doubt in your head going into a fight. People have no idea what goes into winning. People really have no idea what goes into fighting. They just watch you guys once every 60 days, you know, and they're like, oh, this must be easy. They have no idea that you have to train three disciplines, plus the conditioning. Plus, God forbid, you have a baby, and you can't sleep eight hours, and there's so many things that go into a fight. It's not, you know, when I was a kid and I see this guy get on stage and talk David Brenner or George Carlin, whatever his fucking name is, I thought that on the way there, he just wrote this shit in the car. Like, that's what I

really thought, guys. Like, honest to God, before I got into stander, I thought that you got a call like at seven. What are you doing, Ben? Nothing. This is Joey at the comedy club. Come on down at 9.30. CBS is here. We got some cameras. And on the way down, that's what I fucking thought.

So if that's what I fucking think about stand-up, what is the common Joe somewhere that, you know, I thought that George Carlin on the way and said, let me just write 45 minutes. You went up there. And the first time, so the first time I went up there, I just talked. Boy, do you get a fucking, you learn quick.

But that first experience lets you know whether you're going to do this again or you're not going to do this again. Some people do it for peer pressure. Your friends went to the fight or you could do it. Meanwhile, they're like, he's going to get his ass kicked again. Or you do it because you have balls

and you go, you know what? I want to overcome this loss. I really want to get into fighting or, you know, like I said, when I got into stand-up, I had no idea of it went into stand-up. And I know most people don't. I, as I watched the UFC and I asked more questions, I have a blatant idea of what goes into fighting and what goes into winning.

It's two different worlds. What goes into fighting and what goes into winning is two different fucking categories. And then what goes to winning a championship is a complete different fucking level. That's when you're, you know, think about that. You know, you could be a fighter, five and six, you retire. they put you in fucking the funny, what is it, the fat form muscle protein, Hall of Fame, whatever, whatever, you know, but winning, fighting, and winning at a championship level has to be.

Or even breaking the top 10. Even breaking the top 10. You see Rhonda Rousey. She's whatever. What is she in the U.S.? Six and O? Somewhere like that. Yeah.

But when she's three and O, she's still walking down the fucking thing with the twins, with the dude that trains Pachial, with the, you know, champions never seen, now you have money as a champion. Hopefully, if Nike lifts the rock and everybody, now you have money. You can take a flight whenever the fuck you want and train with Pachiala's fighter.

You could go to Eddie Bravo. You could go to, you know, when you're a champ, a lot of people say, well, I'm a champion. I'm just going to fucking party now. No, you've got to work even harder now. Now your shit's got to be even tighter, because now they're coming to take your fucking head off.

And if it's not, you know, look at the 155 division when this kid got hurt last week. How many people raised their hand? You got four people always looking to tell your fucking head off when you're the champion. You're talking about the Connor? Yeah, when Connor, when he needed the fight last week, at 145. How many people who lifted their fucking hand last week? Everybody. Even fucking Chale Sondon.

Even Chale Sondon said, fuck it, I'm off the juice, I'm ready. I'll drop down the 145. It's just really, it really. really is a weird how people's conception of fighters or acting or anything to take it to that level you have to be at a complete fuck look at this fucking when gsp was winning where didn't that motherfucker go he would go to england with the gracy the really good jihitsu guy the tall one what's his name hodge yeah the really tall guy the real methodical guy he gets everybody sticks with it too man i mean if he if he if he worse his stand up it sticks with it god who had you yeah oh my god you know he's

out of the UFC now. I know, but he could still stick with it, man. Listen, if I was Hajjit Grazie, I just jujitzu motherfuckers the rest of my life. I love that guy. I love watching his Jiu-Jitsu Lee, because he don't do much. He doesn't do much. He passes your guard, he hangs out for a little while. Then he mounts you?

Then he plays, and he goes for that same choke. What's the joke? He gets to Ezekiel or something. He gets the same choke every time, and you know it's coming. You could start with holding your collar. and he's still going to fucking get it. It don't matter. He takes his time. He puts his leg over you

and he passes your guard real simply. But the whole time he's grinding you the fuck out. He's grinding you out, man. It's very methodical, you know? I love that chess game. I love the Jiu-Jitsu chess game. And I'm just starting to see it now. For the first two years, all I was doing was breathing on the bottom.

That's it. I just went to Jiu-Git-to-Pull guard and let you beat me up. I just wanted to be on the bottom and learn to survive on the bottom. I, too, went to lunch with Eddie Bravo about six years ago, and he was fucking higher than fuck one afternoon. We went to get barbecue, and he gave me a ferocious ear-beaten about the future of the UFC

that if you couldn't fight on your back, you were going to get killed in the future. Because wrestlers don't like being on their back, so they're going to always throw you on your back. And if you don't know how to attack, and I saw the back game develop in the UFC. After he said it to me, he didn't even tell nobody else. It was just me and him.

I was just a fat fuck stone. I didn't even want to go to Jiu-Jitsu. And I just enjoyed seeing the different technical areas of Jiu-Jitsu. I knew that. I knew it was a chess game. This wasn't no physical game, Jiu-Jitsu. When you really see it at a high-level guys, they're not even exerting themselves.

They're just throwing their arms around. It's like watching... I went to a fucking clinic. I went to a Higa Machado clinic, and Dan Nassanto was standing next to me at the Higin-Michado clinic. You know, bro, I had tears in my eyes for 20 minutes. But here I am. 200, 350 fucking pounds,

340, and I tried to do everything Dan did because he was 70 years old. Lee, he's 70. If he could do it, I got to do it. So when they did the neck rolls, I had to do it. Even if I felt my choking myself, I almost killed myself. He called me that day because, hey, can he do the back rows? I said, no.

I didn't tell him why. I didn't tell you, no. I just said, no. I didn't tell you, because I almost suicided myself. I almost robbing Williams myself in one of those fucking rolls. I almost broke my own fucking shoulder. But when I saw Dan in the Santa next to me? Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. Are you kidding me? I had to do everything

he was doing. The Higin fucking trap. I was doing everything just because Dan was next to me, you know? And I didn't even ask him nothing. I didn't even get to that part about asking about Bruce Lee or G. Kundo. You know, I did an arlist once with James Coburn. He was on a Bruce Lee

students. And I kind of picked his brain a little bit. He started crying, too. And once he started crying, I started crying, everybody was fucking crying. I had to smoke of joints just to come back from the misery. What's up, Siott, that 500 milligrams hitting you yet? Yeah, it's hitting me pretty hard. Good, good, good. What do you got plan for later? You got some

pastrami at the house? What do you got? I don't know what I'm going to have to eat. You got pepperoni? I do have nothing. You got any Mexican food left off from the wife? No. How was the barbecue? Oh, it was great. Talk to me. How was it? What did you eat? What did your mom cook at the park? She cooked shrimp. At the park. Yeah, at the park. Listen to this.

The in-laws. At the park. Shrimp kebabs. Karnasada. They had the rice already, and then the guacamole. And then carne sat it and then not linguisa but it was like I called you and asked you but it's like Lingacoa or it's like kind of like what's the

what's the Mexican sausage? I have no idea. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like you have it with your eggs. Charizo. Yeah, it's kind of like chorizo. Good shit. So yeah, we had that.

And then I thought of you, this dad came in like halfway with his like 10 year old son and they were like we got ice cream. Like three bucks an ice cream car and I was like, fuck yeah and I bought everyone ice cream. And I was just like

Of course, they're out, like, making it. I could just see you doing it, just like if you had to, like selling ice cream. Sure, why not? No shame to sound ice cream on the 4th of July. The people are thawed sweating their asses. He probably made a small 200. Oh, my God. Yeah, he probably just made it.

He was selling it for $3 each cone in the box, even if you bought it at Ralph's, is $6 for $4. So, yeah, he was making a ton of money. He was doubling his money. Fucking, that's what Mexicans do. There you go. That's American ingenuity. That's something this country has forgotten. Yeah.

Nobody wants to be embarrassed and sell ice cream at the fourth. the July. Meanwhile, he deposited a buck 50 in his bank account. He's got 50 for refra. Who's better than that fucking Mexican? You see what I'm saying? People are monsters, though. Like, people, you should have seen it. People, we got there at like 11 a.m.

And people were, like, roping off areas. They were tying off and saving parking spaces. They, like, I've never seen people be, like, so selfish. It was just weird. No class. But what are you going to do? It's the 4th of July. They're saving, you know, they have no place to do it themselves. Hey, listen. It was fun at the park.

It's fun. It's fucking fun. It was really cool. It's cool. You know, it wasn't that hot on the 4th of July. What did you do for the 4th? It was the greatest drives I've ever had out here. It was like Ghost Town.

Yes, yes. It was easy. Nothing. Yeah, yeah. What would normally take me 45 minutes I did in 15, 20 minutes. It was great. I trained. That's nice that you're doing like little part-time training camps here.

Yeah, yeah. This has to be. Like if I was a fighter, this would have to be the ideal place. Like this would just be, I would go to Justin Fortunes for boxing. I would go to Higgen Machado for Jiu-Jitsu. I would go up here and wrestle. There's some wrestling club up here that they have like some college that goes up here and wrestles. And somebody from my jihitsu school went there and he goes, they killed me the first 30 days.

You know, there's no harder workout than wrestling. I was thinking of locomotive breath. I used to play basketball and I could hear the wrestlers going up and down the stairs. And they would run up and down the stairs to locomotive breath frontward, back, That fucking Tabuccino guy That was his name, Tabaccino was the coach. He'd make him run those four flights a thousand fucking times.

And they always said that. So the problem with the training camps here is that everything's so fucking far. So in the sitting, you get tight all over again. You know, everything's like so far apart, you know, unless like you had one for two hours. I like Justin. He fought, he fought, what's his name?

He's a heavyweight fighter. He's Pachiao's training and conditioning coach. He was Pachiao's original. all those years. And then he opened up his own gym and him and Freddie fought. So now he's back with back, yeah. But I would go over there.

That's a fucking, he's a savage that dude. And he's Australian. He throws everybody out of that dog. I've seen him say some wild shit to people. And he could back it with a torn bicep. He's got one big one and one that's like my fucking, my little pinky toe. That's how his bison.

Yeah, Matt Sarah's got a torn bicep too. He'll fuck you up, Justin. Fuck you up, Justin. Fortune. Go to Justin Fortune's Jimmy's on Sunset Boulevard. Between Curzon and very sweet man. Go down there if you can go fuck around with him, boy.

He has a Saturday class for just Gentiles where they come in and run with wheel barrels and tires, you know, guys who see it on TV and they're like, I could do this. Fuck John Jones. You know what I'm saying? And he just breaks him right there. He just breaks him. He beats him up with that

one good arm and it's all over. Oh, man. With the one good arm. Take my strong. Like my shop teacher, Mr. Panacucci, he lost the arm in Vietnam. When that motherfucker would elbow you with that fucking dead Vietnam arm, oh my God, you would go flying to you. You think I'm kidding you.

He had it that he would poke you with this and the rib? For what? Like if you fucked him. Right? For what? But I went to school in the 80s where they still bit slapped the motherfucker in Jersey. True. You know, he would poke you or he lost like from here down.

and he would poke you like a quonsu to the fucking right to his rib oh my god and he would stick like his finger like his little stub from his elbow and your little rib there oh my god that was painful that's fucked up to hit in that cartilage right in between yeah oh my god

he would knock the fucking air out of you his little old guys were the missing hand the fuck to fuck you up like han remember when han remember when han fought john saxon he fucked up Robert Kelly Han the guy in the fucking island and enter the dragon

he only had one hand he fucked up the black dude I'm telling you right now so then Doug you what really impressed the fuck out of me

is that your dream never stopped perseverance man you went out of the UFC for a few years maybe a year and a half or two four years four years and you came right back

like a soldier and started bit slapping motherfuckers I didn't stop man you're never supposed to stop that's that's why you're hear Ben Saunders because I love that you know you went out and I still followed you I asked Joe if he had seen

you and shit and then I know you called Eddie Eddie said you called him one day he goes you not going to believe you call me Ben Saunders and I go that's funny because there's something to you like Ben Saunders is like Carlos Kahn do it in a lot of ways you know there's people who are fighters I would hate to bump into Ben Saunders in an alley

one night when you're in a bad movie because they ain't going to end you know what I'm saying there's people that it might not end if you're having a bad day it might not ever end Carlos Condit, it might not ever have... He might punch you to fucking death, Carlos Condon. When he gets in his own, look at him. His head even changes.

His head gets pointy. When he starts fighting, his whole head changes. It's amazing, man. Fighting is a... Like I said, it's a fucking debt thing. It ain't for me. You know what I'm saying? I got like two good punches and a sidekick.

Then I get in my dog. That's all I got. We're going to have to go beat up that T-shirt guy now. You understand me. No, brought to you by Korova Edibles. We're going to have to go down there and karate chop this fucking... No, I'm just how to go. about Carlos Conant's head getting poignant.

Oh my God. No, people are getting crazy on Twitter. Why? Because one guy was like he was threading the lawsuit on me. The other guy ordered him a bunch of pizzas. Fuck them. This is how we do it. You want to fuck with Lee Syatt? Dude, these are fucking strong as shit.

That's what they're supposed to do. A thousand milligrams. Their taste would be pretty good, though. Now, after you won. Where did you go? Bellator. Yeah. You went to Belletor.

And after you won, did they contact you? What you contacted them? For what? UFC. To come back to the UFC? I fulfilled my contract with Bellator. I didn't want to re-sign with them. My whole purpose of even going there.

I didn't even think it was going to take that long, man. But, you know, you sign a contract, you got to fulfill it. So I did what I had to do. I grind it through my contract. Got done with my last one. Didn't want to resign. You know, they knew that I wanted to go back. That was...

Really, I had a pride alone, man. I kind of promised myself when I got cut from the UFC, I was like, I'm going to do everything I can to get back here. Like, that's my goal in life. If I don't make it back there, it doesn't matter how good I could do at Bellator. If I don't make it back, then basically I lied to myself, you know? Like, I committed to something, and if I don't accomplish that, it doesn't matter how good I am or what I do. I just, it felt like a loss to me. And I was actually supposed to fight Matt Riddle for the Titan FC welterweight title.

He, I don't know if he broke his ankle. He did something to his ankle like two, three weeks before the fight. And at the same time, like I read on, I always, you know, go on underground, U.G, Bloody Elbow, MMA mania, you name it, MMA junkie. I saw someone got injured on, on, where the hell did I fight? Wherever I got to Oma Plot, I forget, I forget where it was, but it was in Tulsa. Tulsa, there we go, Tulsa, Oklahoma. Yeah, I watched the fight last night.

I just started juditsu, and it's pretty crazy. The coolest thing for me was doing something on class, and then the guy I was wrestling, did it to him with, did it to me? I was like, whoa. So when I watched you do the OMA plot, I was like, how many, like, hours did you spend just doing, like, just doing that?

Many. Because it just seemed like it just rolled right into it. Because it blew my mind when someone did the move we were doing in class. I was like, whoa. Like, it actually, because it's a lot different just working through the move. When you train it, drill it, but then getting it in a practical situation. a live situation is a totally different experience. But, no, I mean, the Oomopata is just one of my go-toes.

I was playing with it a lot, even when I was out in Bellator. I mean, when I got let go from the UFC, it was pretty much like, hey, you know, at the time, the UFC is overrun with really high-calibre wrestlers, and you either got to step your jih Tijuana game up, you got to step your take-down defense up or something. You know, my striking was always good. And, uh, or that was never the issue that, uh, you know, Joe Silva said I needed to work on. And I completely agreed. Because at the end of the day, man, I'm a martial artist.

I'm going to learn until I die. You know, I'm going to keep evolving that you got to evolve or it's going to pass you by. There's always new things that come into play. And whether you use it or not, you need to have it in your brain, in your arsenal so you can at least defend against it. Or if you're coaching, you can see it happening so you can coach your person against. it and all that stuff. But the way I got back in the OSC was pretty much I was supposed to fight for the wealthy weight title against Matt Riddle. He got injured. I saw MMA junkie. Someone got injured in

my weight class for the Tulsa show. And I immediately text Joe Silva. Was like, yo, what's up, Joe? You know, I read you might need a replacement. And he was like, go, you know, go fight, you know, Matt Riddle first and we'll talk after. And I was like, well, unfortunately, you know, he's injured. And, you know, it was supposed to be a five-round fight. No one wanted to take the fight on short notice, two, three weeks notice against me. And, you know, I feel everybody on that too, because you're dealing with a weight cut. You're dealing with a lot of rounds of cardio. And I'm not the, you know, easiest person to take a matchup like that, you know. Because if I'm not putting you away with the submission, there's a good chance that I'm trying to obliterate your face and body.

So, you know, there's a lot of pain that could potentially be there. And Joe Silva, I told him the situation, and he ended up the next morning. I wake up. And he's like, if you can talk to Titan FC and they're cool with you coming over, let's do it. And I was like, oh, shit. Fuck yeah. Like right there, I was just like, now I got to get it. Now I got to see if I can work this out with Titan, and Titan was cool as fuck.

As people can see now, Titans about to be on Fight Pass, UFC Fight Pass. They work to deal out with the UFC, so their shows are going to be live on there. And yeah, man, they let me go. Joe Silva called me up and, or Joe Silva set me up, and we signed a contract. And just like that, man, I was back in the game. It was crazy. It was absolutely nuts. And what's crazier even more so is when you brought up fear.

And then you brought up your street fighting situations. I would have to say that for sure. I'm not a bully. I was like the anti-bullying. Like, you ain't going to fuck with me, my friends, my brother, or anybody. Like you jock motherfuckers. Like those motherfuckers, not all of them. But there's a lot of jocks that are fucking bullies, man.

and they think picking on the week is either fun or they have this crazy psychological thought process of, well, I'm making them stronger for later in life. And I don't see it. I don't see that because, you know, then you get the people that either just dwindle away and think they're nothing or, man, sometimes they snap. Right? They snap and we've seen some other crazy things that I won't even mention on the show. but yeah because I'm stoned

I only bullied one time two times and when I say bully it's not like I went up to somebody and mad dog them when I say bully

is that I struck them but I struck him but I struck him in a felonious way that's funny one time I kicked the bum one time

we were mugging them and you got to kick those motherfuck because I kicked them in the leg I can never kick nobody in the head or not but then one time

I went to Rob Freddie when we did the gas station and he came kept telling me if you robbed me, you got to make it seem like, you know, I got robbed. You got to tie me up and shit. And I could. He was my, it's like when I go to Jiu-Jitsu and I'm in the side control, listen, I look at myself in the mirror every day. I'm a fat fuck.

I don't want me on me. So when I'm in side control, a lot of guys like, Joey, you know, grab the fucking side on, put your shoulder into my jaw. I don't like doing that to people. That's a bully. You know what I'm saying? Just me being on top of you? That's good enough for me. You could figure it out.

You're a fucking brown belt. You know how to get me off you. You know what I'm a white belt. figure it out. So that's the only two times I really went out of my way to bully somebody and I felt till this day, every time I think of robbing Freddie, like I robbed him like eight times

in a year at the gas station. But I always brought somebody else to kick him because I liked Freddy. I found no satisfaction in kicking Freddy. There was no, you know what I'm saying? Freddy was a sweetheart that was half retardant. It wasn't his fault. You know, life just

dealt him a fucked up with a duct of cards. He was a gas station attendant. He had a fat, fat wife. But he was a sweetheart. He did anything for me. Now he just wanted to do an eight ball. So for him to do an eight ball, I had a rob and give him a kickback. And it was so bad that, you know, the time, like I kicked him in the chest.

And he's like, harder. You know, I'm like, I can't kick you harder, Freddie. I didn't know even know if there were cameras out in those days. Did you say that under his breath? Like, oh, I know. Yeah, and I felt bad. So I always had to give somebody 200 just because I felt guilty kicking Freddie. I think about that.

When I found, when I rewrote that, like, I was just writing about what I, things I used to do. And I even narrowed it. Like, I had to think about things I did with certain people. And I hung out with this kid Diti for two or three years. And we used to do some crazy. We were kids, 16, 15. Like, our big thing was to take two quailudes and drink a bottle of vodka.

Like, we'd fucking down a bottle of poop avocca piece. When we were 16. And I wasn't an alcoholic. Like, I don't even like booze. I don't even drink. I'd drink a shot of fucking Yeager or something from the comedy club. But I can't even see it. see myself drinking

a bottle of Wolfschmidt anymore. Like even close. I can't even, I haven't drank vodka, orange juice. It's got to be 25 years since I've had a vodka fucking Arnold juice. But we were 16 in the wintertime. You know, you grew up on the East Coast in the wintertime. You got to get jizzed up

every night when you're outside. An eight pack of beer. I remember robbing a beer truck one time. No, we robbed Albertsons and we took a fucking gallon of cooking wine, the red shit, and we drank it at the part, that's the worst headache you'll ever fucking get.

I don't think you're supposed to drink that one. I know, I never drank wine again. Like, I, I tell you, sips of wine. Like, if I say, I've taken three sips of wine since I was 17. That's a lot. I don't like wine. I don't like it around me. That's why they killed Jesus. He had wine that night. You're supposed to have wine. That's when he always kill you.

Costalano was drinking wine. He got shot. I don't fucking know what I'm talking about. That brownie fucked me up, too. Oh, a little Tony Bennett to break things up here. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. This is Brownie.

You're like going to Jiu-Jitza tonight? It's Monday. Yeah, 8 o'clock. Let's leave. He's waiting for you. Are you kidding me? I have a fucking panic attack if I went to J-J-J-J-Zes.

How many times have you done it? What? J-Jitsu. Two years. Two years? Two years. Straight or just two years off and on? Two years.

straight, I had knee surgery, but I took off from August 24th, like the second week of October. The second week of October, I was back at Higgins, and he had me doing little things. I didn't start rolling again to probably the beginning of December. At that time, Higin took the month off, so I was just rolling one of his brown belts. And I really, really gotten, I went on jiu-jitsu.com where you write the technique you learn and when you go to class. and taps and you write so many little things and ever since I started doing the complete thing

Yeah it was new to me I didn't wrestle in high school I don't know nothing But you know what man I went from 418 Like 270 And I just hit the bag That's why I used to go to Justin's

And Naccafolies down there If you ever watch Friday night fights When that dude That doesn't Friday night fights When he goes to there's a part of the boxing thing Where he breaks down a fight he used to be Tyson's trainer You know what I'm talking about?

He used to be Tyson's trainer Not the old guy The guy that replaced Who's Tyson's trainer Fucking really cool guy I met him They were trying to put him on a Spike show So they were trying to look for co-host

And I had to go down there to a meeting And I met with him They never did the show So Cust almost? Teddy Atlas Teddy Atlas is a really Really technical box

He's the one who had Tyson all those years No point son He's a bad motherfucker That's what the edibles do to him He gets better And uh whatever he teaches boxing you're fucking around right there

you can fuck around whenever he teaches boxing on Friday night fights on ESPN he always goes he'll always talk about your strengths and your weaknesses and leave strengths and his weaknesses

and what you have to do to beat him and what he has to do to beat you that one time of that breakdown he'll say one thing I like about Ben Saunders is how he throws the double jab and steps back and then he throws the wild right He goes, that's something Nacophola would do.

Nacopholi's who's at Justin Fortunes. He's like 70. He's a boxing dude from Boston. Real fucking crazy. He used to collect for the mob. He's fucking nuts. But he's still a badass motherfucker. He's still down there taking Mitz with the big black James Tony.

James Tony's down there hitting the Mitz. So they got some sad. Please stop in there. You don't like that. You don't like Nacopholi. And he likes that because a lot of him, like Fabricio was going there. Three years ago, Fabrice was going there. And I remember, Joe.

Justin's saying to me that that dude ever gets his hands gone, he's unstoppable. Because they were doing jujitsu in there. And I know Justin didn't know anything about jiu-jitsu, but he's like, he's jiu-jitsu and everybody, chau. You know, he's jujitsu's everybody, because he's from Australia, you know. So he jiu-jitsu's everybody, Joey. He just takes that neck and he pulls him back and he goes, he took Babilu. He goes, the other crazy Brazilian was there. Babelieu, and he took him around like nothing.

So that's how I know. Justin is good with that shit. And he's right. Look, he goes if Fabišio ever gets his hands going, he's going to be a chairman. He said that fucking four years ago. What's up, Lee Syatt, Stone to the Gazilles. Yeah, I went

like this to the Infected Mushroom concert on Thursday. You fucking, you were periscopening? I jumped open down. You were a bad dude, Doug. That was really fun. I know. You were periscop and jumping, and you took a star of debt.

Hell yeah. How could you? It was so cool. Like, the lights were really cool. And then, last night, for the fireworks, Because fireworks, they're the same every year. So, like, okay, let me see what this is. Like, it was so much better. Did you have any fireworks yourself?

When you went to Bobo Park, that ice cream dad didn't sell you a pack a fucking firework. Oh, no, Jesus Christ. You couldn't buy some bottle rockets? No. They're illegal in mass, too, so I've never, like, had fireworks. What the fuck is wrong with these people? You have fireworks growing up? Kind of.

Not like, it's not like my dad was like, yeah, let's bring out the big guns. Like I said, we didn't have money. So I would really, I would go to my best friend's house, and his family would have some shit to blow up. I would like the M80s and stuff, you know. Flailing stuff's cool, but I like to try to, you know, let's just put the M80s in various different objects and see how powerful they are.

A fucking wall. Oh, my God, I used to do some. When I first moved to New York from Cuba, I lived on 80th Street. When I lived there in 88th Street, the cops would come around. and come out of the car and they would show you pictures of your hand

if you play with firecrackers and shit Did you guys see what the That dude embossed a little fire cracked on his head And his head blew up He died instantly What? What? This happened

Yes sir? The fourth Yeah This dude fucking was like Hey it'll be fun if I let a firework Off of my head And then it instantly wasn't fun Because he died

Like it just blew up his head What kind of firework? I don't know. I can do some research, though. I never forget that used to sell. Oh, my God. They got that on video? I hope not.

I hope so. I hope you had a good friend that tape that shit, right? That's how faces. Fuck, yeah. There's always a good friend. Hold on, hold on. Let me get it on the iPhone. We'll tweet this shit.

Oh. shot. A mat. You could buy a fucking mat. In those days, for like 20 bucks, a mat. And then you got a gross that came in a package with Chinese wrapping out like a brick. That's when you were badass. That's when you went to Chinatown, and you were a fucking badass.

Then you bought the cherry bombs that was circular. And then there were smoke bombs that were circular. Sparklers, they didn't count. You bitch-hand motherfuckers who had sparklers. Yeah, the only thing I ever had. Then you had the tanks with the M80. That's why I lived on 88th Street. And then there were kids that would break the stick off the bottle rocket.

You lit them and you call those nigger chases. Fucking hysterical. Hysterical. Why do you call them that? Because they just go crazy. They would chase Blackby. It's fucking crazy. I don't know.

I didn't inventedly. I'm just informing the country of what they used to call them in New York City in those days. You'd have to ask, like, hey, where did you come up with the name? Why would I? I didn't want to question it. had black friends. I don't know. I didn't say nothing. That's what they fucking called them. Even black people called them. Nog. Nog chases.

Nog chases. That's what they called them. What the fuck? Did that a commercial? What? Like, if it's the name everybody knows, like, imagine him. That's what the name of the street was. You took the bottle rocket. But they wouldn't sell them like that, so it's not like the package was... You cut the stick off him a little bit, and that's what it became.

I'm not going to fucking say it again. I told you three times and shit. You're going on my emotions. So you were talking about fear before. Why was it interesting to you? I'm sorry. No, because when you brought it up, man, I wasn't a bully and I didn't look for fights, but I would fight.

I was a scrappy kid, whether it was to stick up from my friends or someone, you know, wanted to try to bully me. And it wasn't going down. You know, I was in some street fights and I would have to say those were probably the most obviously I never fought before that. So those were the scariest moments of my time. And I remember really, really in particular, after my first, like legit street fight, which ended up getting broken up by, I don't know, like a guy that lived in the neighborhood. came out and he was like hey you kids get out of here blah blah blah like but i remember my cardio was like oh my god this is a whole different factor um and just the adrenaline up of your oh my god

this is real the heart rates up uh you know physical damage is real and and whatnot i remember being like how the hell am i going to get past this you know like because it it was it was absolutely insane. I've never experienced anything like that. The fear and the adrenaline and the heart rate and everything involved was too crazy and it was Bruce Lee. Tao G. Kondo

he has a spot in the book if I'm not mistaken it's under attitude and he talks about it and he says I believe it was like when you start anticipating combat or the fight

And you start feeling the biggest thing, butterflies. You know, like sometimes it's just reaction. If a street fight happens, it happens. But sometimes if there is a little verbal communication leading up to the fight, you're starting to already feel the butterflies, or you got that bullshit. I'll see you after fucking school, bitch. You know, and then you're like, it might be churning for the next couple of periods

or classes leading into, oh, okay, after school, it's fucking going down you know you're fucking waiting on it and i was like how the fuck do you deal with this and he was like when you feel the butterflies in your stomach and you feel nauseous or the anticipation of the combat that is about to go down don't panic from it don't uh be scared of it embrace it it's a good thing it's your body preparing for competition battle you name it and it rises it helps your body raise its senses so you're more on point when the actual altercation goes down and ever since that moment reading that if i ever feel it it would bring a smile out of my face and i'd be like yes it's now this is the moment like that he's speaking of i'm ready

and you just fucking go with it. How long have you been fighting? As in pro? Yeah. 2004. How many years before that? As in what? Street fights?

Training. Oh. Amateur? No, 1999. 6 or 7 maybe? So 18 years. I don't know. Let's just call it 17 years.

Yeah. You've been experiencing getting hit. reactions, learning shit, you know, walking into knees. I see you have a little thing on your eye, walking into knees, walking into elbows. This is how you learn, you know. This is how you learn to put that hand up. This is why they tell you in the third round.

Keep it, I told you. I told you, your arm is tired. So is everybody. Glue it to your fucking temple. If you don't feel it, it's not there. It's not there. So I've been doing comedy 24 fucking years. God knows before that.

I went to prison. I was comic. On my corner, I was always cracking jokes. It was always a circle. You had to be the funniest even get a word in. You know, Friday night, man, it's a set like any other set. This last Friday, I didn't tell him until yesterday. It was a set like any other set, right? Ben, I've been doing comedy.

If I'm, you know, I'm a fighter. If I'm working, I'm fighting. But if I'm not fighting, I still go out three, four nights a week. I still go out and do three sets, four sets for the week. That's my goal. That's your sparring. That's my spark. And I go to the comedy store.

You know, you got to follow Chris DeLear. You got to follow Rogan. You know, that's the wolf. Sebastian. You don't know who the fuck you're following down there. Neil Brennan. You know, Sarah Silverman. So I go down there last Thursday night for the storyteller show.

And I forget that I can't go up first and throw heat at them. They're not settled for that type of. I opened up with like a, I opened up with the story about my buddy killing himself. with the ice cream cone. He bought the Sunday. Steve Banchini, I told it in Vegas. He went to Carvel. This guy was always one of those dudes that, you know,

he was kind of disturbed. You knew he was fucked up because he would be quoting like devil worship about music and shit. You know, you'd be having a conversation, rolling thunder, power and rain. You know, you're like, all right, you know. It's just Steve, you know what I'm saying? But one day this motherfucker went to Carvel,

bought like a little Sunday, went to suicide bridge, ate the Sunday, put the cup down. Took his glasses off and jumped off the bridge like nothing happened. No note, no nothing. You know, and people like, well, what happened? What thing happened? He ran out of fucking, you know, he said, fuck it, right?

I told that story. They just stared at me, dog. They just stared at me. So I had nowhere to go. So my main story died. I had a second story, but thank God, I was in the bathroom one night snort and blow with a chick that just tried to kill herself,

and she just got a loony bin, and I asked her how she got out, She did the line of Coke. She looked at me and she goes, they let me out. I ain't crazy. And I fucking never forgot that. That it was a gram.

I did a little bit and she did the whole fucking rest of it and said, I ain't crazy. So I told that story and that got him. But nothing else. I was dying. And then I had to go on the main woman and follow Chris DeLea. And I just died, Lee. I just died.

So I came home and I'm like, you know what? I don't want to fucking go down there on Friday. I just died too nice. Let's just write it off for the weekend. Let me write some new jokes. Yeah, you said that that morning. But you know us, bro.

I'm going to stay hit. I got hit last night. In my world, in my comedy world, this is how, in every aspect of my world, I went down there and got beat up last night. They're talking. Right now they're talking. Joey got beat up. Is he going to come down? He's an old guy.

Fuck you. I got down there 11 o'clock, dog. And I ate a brownie. But I ate the little one. I opened it up like I ate in the morning and ate the one-half, which is 70 milligrams. and then I ate the other one as I was leaving. I go, oh, that's right. I can't leave it there.

What if the ants? I said, fuck it. Boom. I ate that motherfucker. I got gas and I shot down to Hollywood. I got there. Everybody was there, so I had a wait. Sometimes you get to the comedy store and nobody's there, so they put you right up and you go home.

No, I had a wait. So I went into the back room and I was just talking to some people. And all of a hour flew when some guy came and got me, Jeff. And he goes, Joe, you're up in five. I went back there. Ben, it was like, I'd be. I've been watching the Sopranos with this fucking lunatic lately, just revisiting it, going over it.

Yeah, I got to re-watch him, man. And he gets those panic attacks, you know? Now, I get anxiety for, like, listen, I eat edibles all day long. So I get, like, three anxiety attacks every day for, for like a minute, but I just breathe through them. I'm already know how to do them, you know, with the... When you eat 500 milligrams or something, it hits your heart at first. I just did.

I just had one, because I thought the cops were coming. Yeah, so you... And the cops, I heard the sirens going, and I heard the door open, but I was like, I'll go, we're going to jail. Nah, you ain't going to jail. Uncle Joey's here, Ben Saunders. He's always going to jail.

We've got the back window. We'll just throw you out that window. I've done it a thousand time. Where's your warrant? So, uh, Ben Saunders, I walk up to the stairs, and something happened. A waitress is coming down, and I moved to one leg, and I held my breath.

And when I got to the stop, top of the stairs, I wasn't winded. I just went to catch my breath, and all of a sudden, fucking anxiety sat and I looked at Megan Mooneyer, what's her name? I don't know. Whatever my name was, the writer girl, and I saw

it was sold out, and I saw Paulie Shaw, and I got overwhelmed, and I looked, and there was one chair right there, like God was in the room with me. This is Friday night, I sat down, now this is a room door that I've been going since 1997. This is my, this is it.

This is my backhand. This is my training facility. This is past Friday. Yeah, this is the place where I cut my teeth. This is, I know every nook on that stage. I know what to say this way. I know what to say that way. I know who's watching in the back. I know this room.

This is my fucking room in life. Guys, it just fucking blew me away. Now, I'm sitting there, and I get up, and I turn around to look down the stairs, to get air, to get fresh air, and oh, my God, now I'm going into the mode where I see blood. Like, if I give blood, I turn around, I put an iPod on, I look the other way.

But for some reason, if I feel the needle brick, that's it. My mind takes it from there. Do you understand me? This is a mind game. Your mind fucks with you from time to time. He has a good time, too. You know, just because we smoke pot and drink alcohol, and he's up there recuperating, losing all his happiness.

He not wants to have a good time. So the mind, with me and my case, just takes it to a different level, Ben Saunders. And also, I just start seeing spots. And if I don't breathe, I'll fucking faint. If I breathe it out, I'm okay. Then I'll go into a cold sweat. Then they'll give me some water. Then I'll lay there for like five or six minutes and I'll be fine.

This was where I was going, guys. I was going right to the beginning. She's closing up. The lights on her. Ben Saunders, I can't tap out now. I got maybe two minutes to recover. Maybe. If she fucks around, maybe I got two minutes to recover.

I'm looking at the light. The lights were saving me from not fainting. I'm breathing I'm breathing I'm breathing I finally say fuck it I ain't gonna have time to go down the stairs

recover and come back up I'm gonna stay right here and breathe this out so I got close to the wall and I just started breathing into the wall and some motherfucker comes up to me and go hey Joey and he hits my side

and I'm gonna what's happening dog and I'm dying and I can hear him like ready to start talking and I just don't even look at the motherfucker I just look at the wall and I'm breathing

and all of a sudden another guy comes out of the corner He goes, hey, Joey, you know me from this place? How are you doing? He goes, where's the Agostino at? And I look at him, I go, do I look like I know what the fuck the Agostino's at? And right away, the piano players walking up the stairs. And he goes, hey, big boy, you're ready to go up?

He's a gay guy. I love him to death. I grab him. I go, Jeff, go up to Pauli Shaw and tell him he's got to go up next. I can't go up. I'm having anxiety attack. And I start breathing. And I'm breathing.

I see him talking to Pauli. And then he comes back and he goes, well, did you ask Paulie if he even wants to go up? I go tell him I'm having a fucking anxiety attack and he's the closest one to the fucking stage. This is going down. I'm going to faint any fucking minute now. I could feel the cold sweat. I could feel that drip

going down my neck like I was dehydrating. I had water. I had a little bit of water. I went right into shock. And from getting mad at Jeff and Pauly Shore, like I'm from the school. If you come up to me and go, dog, go. I'm going.

I'm not going to ask you why or how many minutes. I'm going to fucking go. That's it. Go, we'll figure it out later. Something's going on with this fucking guy. Not these two lunatics. They start asking me questions and shaking me down. I could see if it was Lee.

But this is Paulie Shore. His mother owns the fucking comedy club, Ben. And Ben, all of a sudden, looking at the wall, I got so mad at those motherfuckers for asking so many questions. It snapped out of the anxiety attack. Nah, it was a fucking caged animal, Ben. I went up to Paulie Shore. I grabbed him, and I grabbed Jeff.

I go, fine, I'm going to go up. And right there she goes, Joey Diaz. Guys, may God me my witness or tomorrow call in to fucking punch drunk sports as Sam Tripley. And you know you never hear me talk like this. It was the set of my life. I yelled for 15th.

It was like I was so scared to go down there and bomb again. Like it was so much pressure on me. Like I just zoned in. And I didn't even realize where I was until the 15 minute mark. So I was talking about the Mexican ice cream truck and how they ring the bell. in the morning, I'm going to go home. And then I go, oh my God, I'm like, and also the light came on.

And I'm like, oh, my God, I made it through this shit. And I closed and I got the fuck out of that dog. And Paulie Shaw came up to me, goes, you need to get more anxiety attacks more often. Because I fucking slaughtered it. It was just a fear. Yeah. I haven't had that without seeing blood in years. Then I went home and it hit me this morning. Whenever I used to cut myself and I used to faint, when I first moved to the Valley, I was, I had two mishaps in that place. I bent over one day to get shoes and my wife put clothes over this rack

and I cut my head open. I saw the blood and I'm like, oh. And I ran to the living room when I put the air conditioner and I took my shirt off. And also I used to have this cat that would This cat would jump on me. This cat would jump on me. And I love this cat so much.

Ben saw anybody else with a squeeze in this cat's head because here you are ready to faint the fucking boobs are sweating all of a sudden out of nowhere i'd be with my eyes closed just breathing and all of a sudden of nowhere something would grab glan on my chest and his claws are going to my and i look at him like fanny you motherf-file and i love them so much if i didn't love phinny so much i'll tell you right now on the show i just want to squish this fucking head one but i loved him so much but for me getting that pain from his clothes snapped you out.

I was like, Finney, you're a fucking genius. Another time, I fucking cut myself shaving the shower. I do every fucking week I cut myself in the shower. But this one time, the water hit it, and the blood dripped on my chest. And dog, my mind just ran away with me.

And I had to get out of the shower, wet, and everything. I fell on the way out, and also I ran to the guys, put the air on. And that motherfucker jumped on me again, like a week later. I was going to kill that. You motherfuck. Fuck, I got no shirt on.

But I love that, motherfucker. He's dead now. He's all right. What's he going to do? I love that. He's going to say he knows at this point, right? Yeah, he knew. He knew whenever I was all fucked up.

So he would jump on me and put his claws in me, so I would take my mind off fate, and I never. His blood usually do that to you? Who? Your own blood? Oh, my God. Get you. When I watched, when BJ Penn fought Joe Daddy Stevens, he cracked his fucking skull. Okay?

And I fainted at my house. I went out on my own couch. I went to see the ultimate fighter one time with Ralphie Mae. Joe gave us all tickets. A bunch of comedians were in Vegas. I'm sitting next to Ralphie Mae. And in between rounds, he busted the guys. I don't remember the fight.

I'm sorry. He busted the guy's eye and they had the towel on his eye. So it was right there. I mean, it was 10 feet away from where I was sitting. I was like in the second row. And I saw the guy throw the towel, and it was just red. Dog, and I just saw the red towel. I couldn't even imagine.

My heart went into, and I fainted sitting there, and I fainted on some chick, and the boy, if she was with, was a doctor. She had big tits. I fainted on the tits, and they were like, are you okay? And they gave me water, and the doctor's like, you're fine. What happened? I go, I can't see blood in that guy's towel. He goes, oh, that towel made me sick, too.

Some people get it. So I fainted twice at the five. I fainted at Pope Fiction. Really? Yeah, when he sticks the needle in her. First time, I fucking went down. I haven't fainted. This last two, yeah, this last time,

I had to do two days in a row. So when I went to get blooded and faint, but when I went for the heart thing, they fucking put ink in my heart. And that made me fucking all fucked up. Makes you break out into the sweats and get, but I, you know, the breathing is a help. When I was younger, I didn't know anything about the breathing,

so I'd go out. But now you just keep breathing a certain way, and you get you recover and after why you're like, what the fuck happened? That's almost a meditation. And when I first started jujitsu, I used to have the panics on the bottom.

I tapped for a long time, and I said, I got discouraged. Was it like claustrophobic? Yes, it was very claustrophobic, and as soon as I would hold my breath. And then you're on me, that's it. Oh my God, and I would eat edibles

or smoke dope. I'd listen to Eddie Bravo, and I go to fucking jujitsu up here in the valley with the ghee, and it's Monday night at 8 o'clock, so the guy puts you through a half hour. It's called Marcello Madness, where you do 10,000 sit-ups, and he makes you do everything to tire you out.

So when he teaches you the technique, he wants you to do the technique while you're tired. So at 8.30 starts the portion part of the class, where he teaches the class to about 9-15, you drill it, and then you spark until 10 o'clock. I couldn't fuck, bro. I almost fainted four times. The ghee, the T-shirt, I wouldn't even wear a rash guard. I got a rasker at one time I put it on, almost tapped myself out in my house.

If my wife wasn't home, I would have downed 9-1-1. That shit was tighter than fuck. I couldn't get it off. I was panicking. So forget the rash guard. I get a T-shirt from, Mom. I sponsor. Meandis.

Meandis has a nice fucking blue long-sleeve, thin rash-garde-type deal. That's nice. It's a little loose. It gives me a little. I like my tithies to breathe. I don't need that shit fucking choking me out by my own. But you know what, man?

I'm like you. I got so scared of going to Jiu-Jitsu that the fear made me go to Jiu-Jitsu and I just pulled guard and I tapped. And I flew to Vegas with Big John McCarthy and we were talking on the plane about it. He goes, I had a guy years ago that would come in and tap and turn purple

and run out of the building. And he came one day and he goes, I'm not going to come no more. He goes, why? He goes, just keep coming. Please keep coming. He goes, just don't roll. just do the technique, keep doing the technique.

And he goes, the guy kept coming. He goes, like, eight years later, now the guy's one of my top brown belts. He teaches the kid's classes. He goes, just keep going. Just keep going. And now it's okay. Now I can live with it. You know, now I can live with it.

I know a couple of escapes. And now at least I can loosen. I know what I'm doing on the bottom. I just pick him up a little bit and put my knee under there, something. But at first, man, I would fucking kiss the cats before I went to Jitza. I wouldn't make my will out. I would get fucking panic attacks So I stopped with the Riefer

You know, before I go to Jiu-Jitsu That's why I go to the 11 o'clock class That's why I need to go to the Euro I can't make it out to the 8 o'clock That's never going to happen I am not going to not smoke dope to 8 o'clock I can't do it 11 you got me because I could smoke like at 7

And by the time I get to Jiu-Zitsu It's already worn out But I already got my weed for what I need It's a right little bit, drink some coffee Yeah Get the morning started You know what I'm trying to look at Ben Saunders. I'm like, what the fuck, Joey?

No, man, I mean... Why are we talking about this, Joey? In my head, I'm thinking... I almost feel like my favorite word is perseverance because I don't even care what you do in life, man. Like, what your thing is, you're a comedian, you work in a cubicle, whatever it is, man. I mean, dealing with trials and tribulations

and overcoming it is one of the hardest things anybody can ever do, but it's also the most satisfactory... you could ever experience in your life. Did any part of you when you were in Bellator for four years considered just retiring? Like four years would be a long time to be like that frustrated with what you were. Yeah, man, I almost went to kickboxing and jits, you know. Politics, man, you know.

Things that I won't get into. Dark things that make you think negatively. on many, many factors. It's not what I signed up for, man. I try to live a very positive life. I like to smile a lot. I love the laugh. I love comedians, man.

You guys, you guys are great thing in this world, you know? So definitely don't stop that. But, yeah, there is definitely, I think there was just, it was really just maybe like three people, but they were like three top people in my situation that caused just absolute nonsense drama stuff I didn't really sign up for to the point where it was like well I could just say fuck you and go do my own thing over here man I would love to do glory kickboxing you know lion fights Abu Dhabi, EBI, you name it, man.

Like, I have other, I'm just the martial artist. You know, I chose this path. I definitely didn't sign up to have anybody control what my destiny in my life is. And, you know, I never signed up to stay with Bellator for the rest of my career. And if that was my choice, that's my motherfucking choice to make, not theirs. And, once again, the people that were involved in what made things kind of depressing and dark for me no longer worked there. So, you know, and considering where I am now in my life, I'm very happy I didn't give up. I'm very happy I just did what I had to do, man, push through, do what's necessary.

And, you know. Nine of the ten, those people go away. Listen, here's the beauty of it, that some people choose the unorthodox way to make a living. And just doing that is tough enough. You know, we're built into a thing into our mind that we have to do a certain thing, get a pension, and get a home, build a family.

Some motherfuckers wake up one day and say, you know what? I like the fucking thing of fighting twice a year and picking up a nice little payday, getting a couple fucking sponsors. maybe laying a fucking bet down, maybe crashing a bookie house, whatever the fuck we got to do, and living my life and training and taking care of my family or taking care of myself and just choosing that. But then you always have people that didn't even go to that struggle.

They tried it for a couple of years and got out of it for whatever excuse they give you, and now they're in a control position. And there's, listen, man, what makes the world go around is that we all don't get along. Can you imagine if we all got together and sang Beatles songs every five? fucking day and held hands. And we went to 7-Eleven with the fucking, with the whatever, you know, and everybody jumped up and down.

You know freedom of speech? No, man. So some people aren't going to like you. And here you are working hard at your dream. And there's always this one motherfucker that just don't dig it. And sometimes you go head to head with that person. You confront that person, which you make it worse now.

Now you give that motherfucker more control. And it's funny that talent always overrides that. Somewhere along the line, and you'll find something as a band-aid to cure it, and one day this guy will be gone, and there you are. There you are in a position to save them. You know, at one time, and now you learned about life. You learned that maybe you were ready, but you weren't ready.

And this guy that was fucking with you, he's selling real estate somewhere in Kentucky. He doesn't even matter. He doesn't even matter in life anymore. And here you are fighting, you have a family, you're fighting on national. Did you ever think of that, bro? You're in the UFC. No.

Sense on this. Let's get down to the fucking, you know, you're in the UFC, okay? You're in the UFC. You're a UFC fighter. There's kids leaving right now a job. It's 10 to 5. Right now there's guys leaving a job. Someone digging a trench, going to some fucking gym to get beat up with a dream to fight in the UFC.

And there you are, you know. I never forget where I came from, man. I, if it ever sways away where I, I'm like ever thinking negative about what I've accomplished or where I am in my life, it just takes a split second for me to remember working at McDonald's, working at Burger King, working real shit jobs. I was a hardwood stair carpenter waking up at 3 a.m. to be there at 6 a.m.

to work the most rugged, hardcore, destroying all my joints in my body to then leave there at 2.30 p.m. to go train and stay at my gym from 4.30 to, I think, 8.30 at night to go home, hopefully pass out by 11 and do that again, all over again, all over again. And that was probably the most physically and mentally just really miserable time because it was just, I'm killing my body. My body is necessary for me to succeed in the goal of where I want to go. But this job's fucking deteriorating. I'm feeling arthritis in my wrists and my hands.

These are supposed to be your babies. You know, boxers, they talk all day long. You need to protect your hands, man. Without your hands, what good are they? You know, and thank God, you know, eventually I ended up getting like a barbacking job. I got to work more nights. They worked around my schedule. The bar industry definitely was a perfect industry for me.

I didn't need to drink. I didn't like to drink. But those motherfuckers like to drink and tip and talk. And it physically didn't fucking do goddamn thing on my body. You know, there's a lot of boring waiting around sometimes. But I definitely can easily just look back to the hard times. Fuck, man. One time, you know, I was.

I was one of the FedEx guys in the back In the back of a truck doing Tetris Where they would just shoot these boxes down And you have to tetris up You know, rows and rows of all these packages Sometimes the package looked, you know, as small as a ball And weighed 150 pounds And you're almost breaking your back

Because you're not even realizing how fucking heavy it was And you didn't bend over properly to pick that shit up And it's like 200 30 degrees in the back of the fucking thing and you're fucking sweating your ass off and you're going home and your back hurts and everything fucking hurts and then your car breaks down and you got to fucking walk like eight to 10 miles to fucking get home because you don't have a phone and you don't fucking have anybody's number or even call and then you're going to get fucking evicted from your apartment because you no longer have a job because you no longer have a car to fucking get to your job and then your family when you go to them for help tells you what are you doing? with your life because you're not making a goddamn scent with this fucking career you're talking about with fighting and whatnot so then you fucking disown your family and fucking do what you got to do to get by and fucking finally make it happen and you make it on live television and then the world turns everyone's like holy shit you made it you did it and we borrow

a hundred dollars i'll think about it it it's amazing that you go out I never forget on the drives to gigs in my hotel room, I think about nights in Riverton, Wyoming, and, you know, being at a bus station. There's a bus station right here in Magnolia, you know, Lee. Yeah, yeah. And if you go to Noho diner at night, you'll see the people that have to land there,

like at midnight and wait till six. Yeah. And they just sit there. That was me. On the road, 12, 15 years ago, I would park that to save a plane ticket. I would spend an hour of the bus station outside. I'd bring two joints and I'd walkman.

Fuck, yeah, six o'clock. Get on that bus or whatever. Sleep in the condo when I got there and did comedy. Take a shower. Oh, my God. That's what you think about. And that's where you gain your strength from. You know, you're like, Jesus, I did that.

You know, I started hanging out with DiAgostino. I started feeling bad for him. And one day I'm like, fuck him. He's got to get a day job. He's got to go out every night and do comedy. You know, and that's how you become a comedian. When you go on the road, you work with these kids. They get 500 a week for five shows and no hotel.

So they got to go on Wikipedia, whatever the fuck that is, and get some hotel for $48 a night in a bed that somebody got stabbed in last week. The roommate painted, there's one light bulb that's out, there's no hot water, and they got to drive 50 miles. I mean, I talk to these kids, and they tell me their fucking journeys. And for a minute, I feel bad. And then I could go, no, I did the same thing like you, motherfuckers. You know, I didn't Wikipedia my destination.

I just slept at the fucking bus station to save $44. You wake up, you get a fucking horrible bagel, and you get a cab, and some days you fucking make a score. Yeah, some days you make a score, and some days you don't. I remember doing Michigan, and the guy would only give me a hotel from front. Friday to Sunday at lunchtime. And the rest of the week, you know, what am I going to do? Come home?

No, I just got another hotel room. So I'd find like a motel 6 in fucking hell for 2499 from Tuesday to Thursday. Are you fucking kidding me? And I'd eat subway sandwiches, the veggie and cheese, like a motherfucker. This is before they, this is when they were first getting the horse meat with the regular fucking white bread. They didn't have no wheat bread. They had white bread. That's it.

And it'll all taste it like formaldehyde. But I'd actually been more expensive back then. Yeah. Right? Because they didn't have those deals? The veggie and cheese was still three bucks. I ate a ton of those going on the road with a Dotson B-2-10. Nobody even knows what a dots in.

Nobody in his motifs don't know the fucking Dotson B-2-10 is a four-door with a hanger pole in the back so I can hang my suits and shit. Jumping cables, anti-freeze, a radiated repair, a football. A basketball, fucking soap, shampoo. I mean, you know, you named it. That was my job. I was a comedian on the road. Ben Saunders.

That's what you do. And you wait every week to call in, and they'll tell you where you're going. Some weeks you go to Nebraska. Some weeks you go to the Idaho run. Some we should do Idaho run, too. Some we should do Winne Muck of Nebraska. You know what Winne Muck of Nevada is?

No, you know what Winne Muck of Nevada is? No, nobody fucking knows. I've been there. All right, Cuccasts. for a week straight. So you're saying it was amazing. It's amazing and pathetic at the same time. But I did it.

And nobody could ever take that away from me. They could even look it up. The IRS could call and go to Joey Diaz worked there on these days. Yeah, that fat fuck was here. He killed us on the shrimp. And he destroyed our bathroom. He took our plunger. He took so many shits.

He broke the plunger. Once you break the fucking plunger, that's when you know it's fucking all over and shit. What are you? Your plans, my brother. Talk to me. Is in tonight? No.

Doing kickboxing with Anthony Hard on. July 23rd. You're fighting again. July 25th. Okay, you're fighting again. Yeah, yeah. Kenny Robertson, you know, real tough guy. NCAA Division I wrestler went to the same college as Matt Hughes.

You know, used that wrestling and really worked his jiu-jitsu games. So he's got a real, real tight jiu-jitsu. game. His stand-up is a little, you know, it's on its way. And at the end of the day, man, from all the fights I've seen, he brings it, you know, he's going to, he loves the scramble, he loves the takedowns, and he's tough as hell. He'll take shots to give shots. So, you know, I'm expecting, I'm expecting the war, you know, I'm never taking anyone lightly. If it turns out better than a three-round war in my favor. Hell, that's great.

But, you know, I'm not going to get caught sleeping, thinking, oh, I got this guy standing. I got this guy on the ground. What is he going to do? I'd rather just say, I'm going to do everything in my power to be prepared. And let's see if those stars align. What do you think about that, Lisa, yet? I think we need you for the T-shirt guy.

You should come with us. All day, every day, man. Let me give some shoutouts real quick. David Deemis, Sandman, Don Rangel, Bill Braskey, Alex Hidalgo, Victor, Villarreal, Curtis, K.win, and Nick Pritchett. You know, I love you cocksuckers. I'm going to be at the Atlanta Improv this Thursday through Saturday. And I'm going to be in Chicago the same weekend as my main man here from the 23rd. to the 25th at Zanis, downtown in South Valley.

Lee, what's going on in your world? Cockley, everything all right. You're looking good, Doug. Thanks, buddy. Right now, I'm just having a little bit of a panic attack. Coasted? But, no, I don't know. What am I doing?

Oh, I'm going to San Francisco this weekend, and Paula. Okay. You're leaving for that? Yeah. Very morning. Look at you. You're driving? Yeah.

Look at you up the coast? Not really, because they said that takes like two days, so. What do you got to do? Well, that's the whole trip, though. It's perfect. You pull over, give a little stomach juice, and you keep driving. You get a taco for a dollar. You cance the room, your pocket of money, nobody knows nothing.

You know what I'm saying? You got to work you correctly. I got to fucking hold your hand on these scams. Don't you want to make love to turn the car like a fucking savage pull over. Fuck the 40 for the hotel. Right there, you keep driving. It's going to take you two days. By the time you get to San Francisco, you turn around.

By that time you wore that ass out, you just do six hours straight, you know what I'm saying? Keep it interesting. Fucking Lee, I gotta fucking tell you this shit. You're a sexual fucking magneto. What's the problem? You take honor it? Anyway, let's give a shout out to my sponsors, these bad motherfuckers. On it, total human optimization, you know what I'm saying?

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Kung Fu All the Way. What do you think about that one, Hanukkah, boy? I like it. I'm watching. Ben Saundis. Thank you very much for coming on and taking time off from training. Good luck on the 25th. No, thank you guys for having me.

You're on the fucking highway, the fucking the championship. I have a feeling, man. You got a certain look in your eye. Try to ride this wave as long as I can. I definitely use the on-it stuff, too. Shrudexport, T-plus. T-plus. T-plus.

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