The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #298 - Danny B.

Episode Date: July 8, 2015

Danny B. Sports betting expert and childhood friend of Joey calls in to Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt.   This podcast is brought to you by:   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/joey to get your first two meals free   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   
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   Music:
 Saturday Night Special - Lynyrd SkynyrdMind Games - John Lennon

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go to on it.com and use code word church to get 10% off all their great optimization products like alpha brain new mood shroom tech immune and shum tech sport it's code word church to get 10% off oh shit just when you thought it was safe motherfuckers 8th of july The day the devil was buried at sea.

Fuck that motherfucker. Here we go. Church, what's happened now, baby? Nice and dirty. Black cat. Are you kidding me or what? The fuck are you doing with your life, cock sucker? My skin is dead, but I don't feel so good myself.

You know what I'm saying? Church of what's happening now coming at you. Wednesday afternoon, Lee Syatt, Uncle Joey. What's happening? Do you for fucking people? going on with you, Kakalika? I had a good night last night. I fucking tore my arm up, but it's good.

Everyone keeps asking me if I like Jiu-Jitsu. I'm not at the point that I like it at all yet, but it's been a lot of fun and something happened that you told me what happened. I had a not an epiphany in the shower, but I was just thinking about it because we were doing this stuff, and it was hysterical.

We were just doing it on the floor right here. But I was doing it with Casey last night, and he's a blue belt, but he was showing me how When I'm in half guard on the bottom, how to, like, sneak out. Like, we were doing it where you kick your leg up and you just shoot out and take the back. Right. And I kept, it wasn't as smooth as it should be as everyone else was doing it.

But he showed me it's like you do one move and you just get to your side. And then you do a whole other move and you get there. And it's something that you don't get mad at me about, but sometimes I think too far ahead. I think a lot of people do it is they look at maybe the big picture too much. And, like, I've done. just noticed in Jiu-Jitsu so far that it's just about doing very small things in the right order. So, like, I was thinking it works the same way for your whole life. It's just, you can't just get a great podcast.

You can't just be a comedian. It's little small things. And it just, like, I was in the shower and I almost called you from the shower. I don't know why it just hit me right there, but it was crazy. You know, hard work is hard work. Yeah. And. Yeah, I was telling you that the first four years from me for comedy were just painful.

It was just painful. It was fucking brutal. It was painful. It was something that you're broke because you don't want to work because something over your head says you can't work. You know, I did little things to stay alive, but I wasn't making any money. You know, people always said to me, yeah, you're making any money for me. It's not that you're making any money.

It's that you love doing what you're doing. When we go to Jiu-Jitsu, we pay a monthly fee to go there, and we go there to get tortured. but the more you go, the easier it becomes. That's why I always say once you stop going, you've got to start all over again. That's fear. I'm a specialist and fear, Lee. Oh, yeah.

Because I've been scaring myself, fuck Vincent Price. Vincent Price could suck my dick. I scared this shit out of myself because I would always look at the steps. I would always think about Friday instead of Tuesday. Yeah. And then you fucked up the whole week because you're not thinking about what's in front of you. You're always thinking about what's, and then you cave.

You already say no to it. I'm just not going to go. And that's it, and I did that for years, Lee. I blew a thousand jobs, I blew a thousand careers by doing that, by looking at in front. And also I started saying, that's got nothing to do with it. You know,

I was thinking about Nick. I love Nick with all my heart. But every time I used to call Nick and go, my name is Earl. I never forget I had a conversation with him. I got I'm calling Sacramento. Okay. And they're like, Joey, they're looking for convict, looking motherfuckers for my name is Earl.

Right. I fucking canceled the week. Like, I was in Sacramento. I did Thursday night, and I was like, I got to go. I was a feature act for Gabriel. Gary? Really? I didn't talk to me for two years over that.

And I fucking shot down to L.A. Because I told him, this is what I'm in L.A. for, to whatever. So to make the story show, I went in there. And when I left, I knew I booked it. And the guy. goes I'm looking for four more guys. So I went home and I called Nick. I'm like Nick, they're looking for convict-looking guys.

Who's the director? What are they paying? Is it recurring? Or is it a serious? You know, there was 19 questions before the fucking thing. Just do it. What's with the fucking questions? You're going to see that all those questions are just not detours, but they're kind of detours?

Distractions. You know, what the fuck with the questions? Just do what the fuck they ask of you. Go in there, book the job. and then we'll worry about everything else. Everything else will fall into place. We'll figure it out. But people who like, well, I didn't go because I'm...

You get those people, like, I didn't go tonight because I'm out of town for a month. Who gives a fuck? Guess who was one of those people, leave me? And I was going to Taekwondo, and I stopped going because I was on blow. I couldn't wait until 8 o'clock to go to class. I would go to class from 6.30 to 7.

And I'd be scratching the whole time in class. Oh, really? Oh, because I couldn't wait to get a package. And there was two doors down for Malcolm Padra. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? And one day I bumped into the guy And I was kind of hiding in my car

And he came over and knocked on the glasses His name is Chris Najeehya He's a jih Tzu guy now And he came over and he goes, Can I talk to you for a second? He goes, get out of the fucking car He goes, listen, man, it's a martial art It's the same thing

You're doing every night on stage The same thing It's all wrapped up the same fucking way The more you come in, The better you get at it Right You know And he goes,

even if you come in and do it once a week, just once a week, it's a lot better. You know what I would say? But what am I going to come in for on Monday? If I'm going to leave on Wednesday and not going to be able to exercise. Right. And he goes, why wouldn't you be here? And that's the guy who said, what, in these hotels?

They don't have gyms? I wouldn't even look. I would go on the road with Eddie, Tate, and Joe, and they would say everybody meet at the gym at 1 o'clock. I wouldn't even look down there. I would be embarrassed to go to the gym. Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, it's kind of ridiculous when you make excuses like that.

Like, I almost didn't go last night. I just, I was feeling kind of off from the podcast on Monday. I just didn't want to go. And I was like, I was already in my car. And I was like, I could not go, but how would I explain this? And then, of course, as soon as I got there, Zach texted me the teacher. So if I hadn't got it, would have had to make an excuse. And I was like, yeah, I didn't feel great.

And it wasn't my best class. But at least I went. You went. Listen, man, you keep showing up. You just keep showing up. It's amazing what happens when you keep showing up. You know, I just keep showing up to Jiu-Too. I'm the worst guy in the fucking class.

But I keep showing up. And the same thing for comedy, it's the same thing. I was horrible. When I picked a major, I didn't do badly. I could always study, and I always knew how to study. Right. I know that if you take notes in class, light notes, light notes, you can't put your head in that fucking notebook and write a soliloquite.

It's a light note. about a situation. You know, we're talking about podcasting or something. You can't sit there and write, you know, podcast. Lee says that pot, no, little notes, yellow it in. You know what I'm saying? Like put a note there. Stay fresh and put the thing in there in yellow.

If you do that and you go home every night and you review that a little bit and you read the chapter how the professor says, just how he says to do it. And these chapters aren't that long. You can do it in two days. Yeah. Okay? You pretty much good. come finals, you don't have to cram.

And if every week for 10 minutes you look over those pages and just read what you wrote down, you'll be perfect the final time. If I had done that, I would have gone to Harvard. Yeah, that's it. That's the chemistry. That's the chemistry of, so when I was taking all those other classes, a CMC at Colorado Mount College, I was doing that. I was pretty good.

I was already a fucking 20-year-old, so I already was, you know, Jesus Christ, this is easy for me now. I can master this now. Excuse me. And then when I got to University of Colorado, I had to pick a major. When they hit me with Econ, Lee, it just wasn't working. It got real? It got real. And I was fucking flunking intro to macro or some shit, intro to micro.

You know, the little shit, not even when it becomes something big. I was like just gone. And I was ready. And I went into account. Somebody said, have you considered it? the counselor. What the fuck is a counselor going to do? When you're stupid, you're stupid. And this fucking dude, Mohammed Zabib, and me started banging it out two hours a week. And by the third or fourth week, I lifted my GPA. I was up there again. So for some people,

it takes harder to get something. But if you quit, you're not going to get it. I'm against quitting. When I was a kid, I quit so many fucking things. Just because, oh, maybe this or a fear, you know, I have always said thinking is either the best thing you could do for a man or the worst thing you could do for a man when you really think of a situation. Yeah. No, I get a lot of emails recently about how did you make the decision to come out to L.A. And I've started thinking about it. I really didn't even make the decision. It just kind of just I knew it was going to happen.

So I didn't even, it's not like I sat down and planned it out. I was just like, okay, when I graduate, I'm moving to L.A. So it's, but it, I'm slow with other stuff. Like, I'm slow with the working out. and doing other stuff like that. But it's weird how similar we all are, but how different. Like something, like, the fact that you get up on stage freaks me out. Or the fact that you, I don't know, did all those robberies,

which isn't something like necessarily you're proud of, but it's just weird how different we all are. And we try to be, try to measure ourselves against other people when it really has no bearing at all. Like because they did it, you have to do it. Right, right, right, right. No, I was the king of that one. You know, and I got out of that when I moved to LA, I knew to move forward.

As a comedian, as a human being, I had to stop worrying about this one was getting and why he was getting it and being angry. That really held me back for a long time as a human being as a comedian because that's your, you grow up with that. People saying to you, oh, I got invited to this place. And here you got invited to the fucking park for Halloween parties or some shit. I used to do it in school. Like, I used to get really upset when people got better grades than I did.

or, but it's, I think that's why I'm not quitting. I'm never, I'm never going to be good at Jiu-Git-Soo, but. Neither am I. If I could be possible. But let's pretend you get good at one move. Yeah, that's what he can say, right? That's pretend you find one move. That all that, and even though the person knows it's coming, doesn't matter because you're

going to look for that. That's your one move. You're going to look for that one move. That's your go-to move. All you need is one move in Jiu-Jitsu, maybe two-movie. moves on defense, escape, push away, get your leg back in, and you're back to square run. You're going for that same fucking move. Have you found your move yet?

No, I got no moves. Really? You don't have one that you like? I like Camoras. Okay, yeah, that's what we learned yesterday. Camoras. Yeah. I like bow and arrow, choke.

Okay. I like that one because I always end up in that position with people so I could go for a choke in your hand. They don't know what hand you're doing. And then you're strapped and you turn around real quick. Oh. And you grab their pants and pull them up. Right, right, right.

So I like that one. I like the straight arm bar. Not the one that Rhonda Rousey does. I've never even heard of it before, but just it's the same sort of way that you do the Camora, except you just kind of like block their arm and then push it straight because I have short arms. So for me to get the Camorra to grab my own wrist, I couldn't do it. Couldn't do it. So I was like, okay, let's, they said try the straight arm bar.

I was like, oh, that's cool. I like that. It's just, uh, listen, sticking with something. is always and I'm not, bro, I let some I can't believe I stuck with comedy. I told you two weeks ago we had a guest on something about stand-up. It wasn't Brian

Scolaro. It was two, three weeks ago. And we were talking about the struggle here and we got really high in an edible and I went home and something my Roku wasn't working. Sometimes I go to that Roku and it's not working. All the shows aren't on. It says maintenance of some shit for 10 minutes. I don't

fucking know. So I took a notebook on and I was right And for some reason, I went back to living in that basement in Boulder. And I had the most saddest fucking existence. It was worse than the Rocky apartment. And I forced myself every night because I didn't even have groceries in the refrigerator. So I forced myself every night to find a spot. When I went, this is why I talk about discipline.

You know, you always hear about, you know, this Chinese discipline or Russian discipline. When I went back, I was such a bad shape emotionally. I was so heartbroken and so frustrated. I knew as a human being, not a fucking psychiatric, psychiatrist or nothing. I knew as a human being that I couldn't stay in that house at night.

Like, I went on the line, I went on not online, I went on like a comedy newspaper. Right. And in those days in Denver, legitimately, in those days in Denver, legitimately in 19, in 1993 to 1995, on Monday nights,

you had an open mic on an Australian bar that usually had seven or eight people. On Tuesdays you had the comedy works, and they give you three minutes every three weeks. On Wednesday, you had a commerce thing, like a truck stop. Wednesday, you had the Elvis impersonator that we spoke about that talked about it on this podcast. I think so, yeah.

The guy that was an Elvis impersonator, and he flunked in fucking Vegas, so he bought a bar, and then Thursday night was El Torito. Oh, wow. And then Friday and Saturday, you had nothing and you had guest spots at different places.

One Saturday a month at 11, there was a fucking room all the way in Cherry Hill or whatever it's called. In Colorado, it was like 50 minutes away from where I lived. And you went all the way there, nobody knew me, so I always went up last

that fucking 115. Are these all open mics? All of them. There was no money in my life. So you could get up at all these? I knew that my mental situation, I was 31 years old. I had no money.

I had no savings. I had a beat-up car. All I had was the clothes I had in that apartment. I was freshly divorced. I had a cocaine habit. And I had a heart of a fucking criminal. But I wanted to do stand-up. I didn't know stand-up was going to save me.

I didn't know stand-up was going to be, take me here with you. I didn't know I was going to do movies. I just wanted to do stand-up. At that time, I had been doing stand-up about three years. I had started in Denver, I had gone to New York, I'd gone back to Colorado. I'm at war with my fucking wife, and I had like odd jobs. I worked for a sports betting service, but this whole time I wanted to do stand-up.

So I knew the pain was so much that I just couldn't sit in that fucking apartment in a snobloat. So I forced myself to go out and do comedy. Every fucking nightly, I forced myself. Like, I didn't give a fuck if I didn't have money. There was this couple that lived around the corner from me. She was Chinese. I used to call her white powder moth. And his name was Sammy.

I could always borrow a 20 from him. To get gas? To get gas? To get gas? Or just to get to a bar to do stand-up comedy. There was a bar named Murphys in Boulder. It's still there, I think. I used to go in there and just crack jokes at the bar.

Like, I did so many fucking things to get better at comedy. Like, when I think about it sometime, I used to go to a poetry reading where everybody stunk like fucking armpit and Pichugi juice. it was called I don't even fucking remember what it was called. Penny Lane in Boulder

it was a little fucking place that was just a great coffee shop very bohemic everybody in there had dirty feet and stunk bad but they were nice people and they used to have poetry readings and all that shit

and I would go up there and do horrible jokes during the poetry readings and they chased me out they chase you out the thing that saved me though the chick that ran the place was a beautiful girl

and I knew her boyfriend from the halfway house. So when he couldn't come out, he was still in the halfway house. I used to write jokes at her coffee shop all night and stay with her. She became one of my tithiest friends, and she called different places. She was like my first manager, not really manager. Oh, that's cool. So she was a hippie chick that her uncle was in the entertainment business out here. And I told I wanted to do stand-up, and she would say,

just come down to the coffee shop and get in between the poetry readings. I got you back. And then I think on Saturdays and Friday, she had to work the 24-hour shift. She was the manager, so they made her work from 11 to 6 in the morning. Jesus. And I'd go in there and sit with her.

There was a baker on Monday. His name was Joe Koch, who I still speak to today. He was one of my closest friends. Really? He used to bake at Laudezio, and he would take Tuesday and Wednesday off. So on Mondays, he would have to work a double shift.

So he would come in at 4 to 12 and work his shift on Monday night, and then he would stay for. from 12 to 8 and bake all the tarts and the ice cream and the jolades for the next two days. Jesus. And I would sit with him at the counter, Lee, and he would give me all the samples. And I would write jokes all night long. I'd sit there, and I had no idea what I was doing.

Please do not say Joey had it going on. No. I would sit there all night, eat, smoke dope outside, and I'd maybe write four jokes. And I would write topical jokes then because I was a host at the Boulder Broker. So on Monday nights, I would write the jokes for Tuesday, you cabiche. Right. That's how I did it then. That's crazy.

That's fucking crazy. Now, how did you keep doing it? How did you convince yourself to keep doing it if you were having all these issues? Like, if you bombed, did you bomb every time you went up? Pretty fucking much. Pretty fucking much. I was bombing. In those days, I was bombing four nights a week.

Four out of six, four to seven. Four out of six sex. And what was it in you that was like, okay, I'll go again? Like if it's every time. Because I would switch up. I would do material and improvise. And some nights I'd just improvise. And some nights I'd just do material.

And I really wasn't getting it. I really wasn't getting the whole joke writing thing. It's funny. I was at the comedy store last night. And I'm standing by the freezer at the bar. I ain't bothering nobody. I don't like walking in the hallway. I'm just standing there by the freezer drinking a water.

And Pauley Shaw comes in and he orders a drink or water. And he says something to me. Like, nothing sarcastic. I forget what he said to me. Oh, he said, can you believe this place is this packed? He goes, I haven't seen this place this packs since the fucking 80s tonight. And I looked right at him and I go, I can't believe. I'm 50.

And I'm still doing spots at the fucking comedy story. He goes, I know. He goes, me too. I still remember being 1991 and 1992 and watching MTV comedy shows and those days were a ton of comedy shows on TV. When I got into comedy in the early 90s, there was comedy all over,

television, regular TV. So you had from 5 to 8, you had comedy on MTV, kamikaze comedy. Good at all, not really. Fuck yeah, Felicia Michaels, Paulie Shore, Steve McGrew, Todd Jordan, like all these guys, Like, if you want, like, I know that, like, Larry the cable guy was on it under a different name.

Doug Stanhope was on Evening at the Improv. They used to have evening at the improv. Kamikaze, A&E Presents. Jesus. Sunday mornings A&E used to do stand-up comedy on Sunday mornings. It was hosted by Rosie O'Donnell and Bobby Collins. Oh, fuck yeah. There was a ton of stand-up when I got into stand-up.

But one of the stand-ups I was watching at the time, not for, inspiration, but he was on everything, was poorly fucking sure. So he walks out, and guess who the fuck walks in? Joe Tori walks in. Joe Tori was in the movie, I forget, with Tupac and Janet Jackson, and he was in all those house party movies. And Joe Tori on IMDB, he's from St. Louis, and he's got a brother Guy Tori that was an American History X.

Well, let me tell you something about him. about Joe Torrey, and I've told this to Joe Torrey a thousand fucking times. I used to rent. Did Roddy Dangerfield special? And the other tape I used to rent was the best of Def Jam with guy,

with, when he used to be the warmup. When Martin got promoted. A black guy? Yeah. Yeah, St. Louis, here it is, yeah. St. Louis, Missouri. What movies has he been in? Been in a lot of stuff. he was in the NCIS

He's NYPD Blue for an episode I'm looking for some movies House Party 3 All those kid and play things Yeah the three Must it tells I don't know what that is Yeah what the fuck house was he in He was in that movie Janet Jackson

Tales from the Hood What was it? Tales from the Hood Sprung lockdown He's been in a bunch of stuff He was in a movie with With the fucking the one dude, Alex Baldwin's brother,

and Lawrence Fishburn when they escaped in jail. He was at the strip club with what's his name? Anyway, Joe Torrey was one of the guys. He had a joke about his brother. Was one of them saved the whale niggas and shit. And he goes, you know, he don't believe in guns, but I believe in guns. He goes, I love carrying my gun.

In fact, I go to the A.T. I go to the A.T.m. And I dressed up in a tuxedo with a gun. I'd take money out of the thing, wait for somebody to come out of the bushes. That was one of my favorite jokes at that time. Really? And I watched that special over and over. And I used to see him when I first got to the store, and I would tell him this.

I would tell him the bit, and he'd die. Like, who the fuck remembers that stupid shit? And I go, I do it because I studied it. I studied the timing. I studied the words. You know, I studied everything, you know. So here was two guys last night at the store that I came up watching. not emulating but learning from you know how does it make you feel that there's a lot of young comics

looking at you like that right now i think they're fucking crazy i think they're fucking crazy really it's embarrassing why because it's fucking embarrassing but i'm fucking embarrassing when i go out and young comics come up to me go hey man you're the reason i do comedy my fuck i don't want to hear that i feel like breaking inside like you're fucked up you're fucked up if i if i made you do stand-up or anything. You fucked up. Well, how do you think, like, Joe Torrey felt?

Like, he must have felt sort of similar. It must be kind of normal to feel that way. If you really love that sort of stuff, it's probably not a good sign. Well, listen, man, I remember the first time I went to Lenny Clark, and I go, when I watched you on that thing, I put a suit on after that. He influenced me to put a suit on for a long time.

I just couldn't sell stand-up with a suit on. I just couldn't fucking sell it. Really? No, no, it don't work. It don't fucking work for me. It's like a barrier in my. my fucking head now. I've always wondered that.

So, like, you have to try that out. How many times do you try out wearing a suit before you're like, no? Three months. Every night. Not every... I had, like, four different suits. Okay. So for a little while in Boulder, I wore a suit.

And then in New York City, I wore a fucking really badass, fucking suit color, matching shoes. And I just didn't sell it. I just didn't sell it. Once I started dressing normal, I sold it. Do you put any thought into what you're wearing? Or is it all? Is it just whatever you want to wear or do you have?

I'm the electrician. I'm the fucking electrician. I look like a fucking electrician. I still wear Adidas 1980 sneakers. What does that tell you? I could care less what's in style. I don't even know what's in style. I know I don't like tight jeans around my legs

and I don't want my jeans falling down. I've lived a life of my pants fucking falling down. I should get a nickel every time I see a kid with his fucking pants falling down. So that's how I fucking feel about that. When I dress, I like to be loose. I don't like tight clothing. Right. If I'm worrying about my clothes, I'm doing something wrong.

If I'm going to do stand-up and I'm worrying about my outfit, I'm doing something wrong. I should be worrying about my set. Right. That's all I want to worry about. I don't care what I have on my feet. I want to look presentable. I mean, I don't want to go up there with holes in my fucking clothes and stinking like 10 dead fucking Baghdad motherfuckers. But I want to look presentable.

I want to look like I feel inside. I want to look like I want to look like I want. walk around. I don't want to look like nothing. Why would I go up there with a tuxedo and a fucking martini if I don't fucking walk around with a martini? You and me, talking as men right now for people who are home, when I see a comic

with a fucking cocktail on his hand on stage, I want to go up there and break it over his fucking head. Because I know when they're up there, because they're alcoholics, and I know when they're up there to be fucking cool. There's a big difference. And it's a detraction. Yeah. There's nothing I want to do more than smoke a fucking

cigarette and a joint up on stage. back to back with a bottle of Coca-Cola with ice cubes, but it would take away from the audience me trying to be fucking Joe cool. How do I know? Because I tried it already. I can't wait to smoke a joint on stage. That's my fucking dream. To take a joint, three fucking joints,

and that's how I know it's time to get off. When the joints are done? When the three joints are done, it's abandoned shit. That's it. What do you want to talk about? You already smoked three joints and you did your fucking time. What do you want to talk about? You roll three nice fucking numbers, three different.

different weeds, a couple things of water. Maybe, maybe a fucking half a sandwich, like a little turkey sandwich. Sometimes you want to talk and fucking eat and tell a little, you know, add to the flavor you spit lettuce and onions out of your mouth. That would be funny. Sure. You understand what I'm trying to say to Italy? And I don't want to go up there and act or have something on that I wouldn't fucking

wear. I don't wear a fucking leather jacket when I walk around. And I wouldn't want to emulate dice in that department. I wear sneakers. I wear jeans. They always got one hole in them. Somewhere by the ass, the pocket. I always got a hole somewhere.

A nice fucking t-shirt that smells okay. I don't know what this. I don't know. Look at my body. You think a fucking head shot or something could save this face? This is what it is. So the first four years, though,

like when you were in Denver or wherever older. I experimented. I'm not going to lie to you. You can't more about all that stuff? It's not that I cared more. Listen, I always knew I wasn't fucking Elvis. And I'm not one of those guys. it's going to become Elvis. I come at you or what I come at you. I'm not a fucking, I'm no

rock Hudson. You know what I'm saying? But I'm no fucking son of sharing the movie The Mask either. You know, I ain't walking around with a big head with a scarf. You know, fucking. I don't fucking know, Lee. What do you get me started for? That's your new outfit on stage. So, yeah. Do you ever think, because they don't do it that much anymore. But for a while, all the Comedy Central Specials had like weird sets. behind him.

Did you ever think about what yours would be? Brick. That's all you want? Brick! You don't want like a little basketball hoop? Brick! I forget who had one. It was a terrible one.

He was like a basketball hoop, a scoreboard. I forget who it was behind him. I don't want nothing to listen. I need all the help in the world I need with stand-up. I want them to focus on the stand-up. You know, Eddie Murphy had an outfit on that was off color, the first two shows. to make you focus on him.

I tell you, who's a genius with that, is Ralphie Mae. Ralphie Mae always wears something on a special. So if you're switching the channels and you see a fat guy with an orange jacket on, you're going to fucking stop. That's brilliant. That's Ralphie Mae type shit. Is that just to catch people's eyes? That's different fucking things that you do.

It's not marketing. It's called something else. It's in a different area. I think it's just, it sounds like it's just you guys figure it out. Like, you're like, okay, if I'm going to go up at 1 a.m. on a Saturday, I need people to look at me. How am I going to do that? You're talking to somebody who was in here talking about acting. And we're talking about people who put the outfits on.

Like when they're auditioning a baker. Yeah. If you dress up like a baker, when you get to your car, pull the gun out and put it in your mouth. Don't even leave a note. They're going to know when they find you in the baker suit that you're a fucking mook anyway. You don't give in that much. I want you to give me the illusion. Sell me the illusion you're a bit.

baker without that fucking apron on. Because at that point, everyone's going in with it as a baker. Me, I'm going to go on with a white t-shirt that says like, fuck your mother in the ass on it. Because the white t-shirt is still going to make me a baker. But without the fucking collar and the badoop and the hat on and the apron, do you follow what I'm saying to you? Right, yeah. So I'm still giving you the patois, but I'm not giving you the patois. I'm putting one finger in your asshole, not four.

That's nice to hear you You know what I'm saying I don't want to fuck shit up I just want to do what's right And go home All the fucking day right But that's what When I do stand up at night

I don't fucking know Listen I do laundry My wife does laundry Whatever's in that fucking hamper That's it That's all you're If I'm doing something for Ari I gotta look nice

I will do it You know When I fly now If I get upgraded I do dress up Sebastian When he came on the podcast, he made me think about that.

In the 70s, when you flew, you were impeccable. You weren't peccable. You wore a suit and stuff. You wore a suit. The kids wore a suit. The women. The little kids had ponytails, the girls. You wore impeccable when you got on the plane. So what are you wearing? Absolutely.

Now I wear jeans that look nice. And now I wear a nice college shirt. Really? Yeah, I'm in first class. If they upgrade you, you can't be a Puerto Rican all your fucking life. You can't be a fucking felon all your life, man. man. So, you know, they're doing me a favor by giving me an upgrade. What am I going to go to there with a t-shirt with holes and with my hair all fucked up and be all retarded? No, I'm going to give them the best I can be.

So now, and I just figured this out like 47 guys. Don't look at me like Joey. No, you should be doing this shit. If you're not doing it because your friends ain't doing it, I set a fucking example. That's what I think. Yeah. You know, you're going halfway decent. I see guys going on planes with flip-blops. What if this fucking plane goes down and you lose your flip-blop?

And you're walking around like Paulie in the weeds down in Jersey with one shoe fucking miss in that time. What the fuck you're going to do? The fuck you put you, when you travel, you want to wear flip blops? You go to the beach and you go behind your house. You don't want flip flops on the outside. Things could go down and there you got a flip flop on. You got to kick somebody in the head with your fucking toe. Now you broke your fucking foot.

Now they're looking for a limp. Now they're looking for a dude with a gimp. You know what I'm saying? You always wear your fucking shoes. You want to wear flip flops when you're with your bra jumping up and down at home. That's fine. But you can't wear flip flops on a fucking plane with your feet out like that, like a fucking animal? Sebastian's correct.

He's correct. He reminded me of that. It was Ada that was the one when you were on the Southwest flight together with that freaking guy. Just, uh... Sometimes that you have to... I'm not fucking Johnny GQ. I used to love wearing a suit as a kid. Me too.

I got four or five suits in that closet. I got a nice jacket. I wore for the premier grudge match. I wore it for grudge match. That's it. I got a leather jacket That's brilliant I've wore four times

You know when do you get a chance to wear A leather coat of here This is like bulletproof this fucking thing But they almost make you feel bad about it out here Dressing up Like I've had When I was going on job interviews I never once

The only job interview I ever dressed up for out here Was the UFC in Vegas And I wish I hadn't Well I might have got it if I hadn't But it was a It's kind of weird how they kind of Everywhere else You're supposed to wear a suit and get nice

And here Well listen If I pay for the UFC tickets, if I paid $1,000 for a fucking UFC ticket, I'd walk in that motherfucker with a jock strap on and a pirate's hat and work boots on. A thousand dollars. Yeah. I'd dress what I want, as long as it's legal, right? Nobody could say that if you walk into a UFC event with a fucking jock on,

as long as you don't show your dick, you know, it's freedom of speech. You got your work boots on, that's sanitary. And you got your little pirate's hat on with a little fucking skull on your chest. I think we found your new Halloween costume. But when Joe Rogan gives you a nice ticket. Right, yeah. We're going to go in their dress with a picture of Hitler on your shirt, trying to be fucking, you know, Johnny Rebel.

Do that on your own fucking time. You're in here on Rogan's dime with one of your uncle's dimes or somebody else's dime. All right, but your other friends, but Joey, why am I, you know, when I did the longest show I had the premiere, guess what I wore to the premiere? What? I wore a warm-up.

Go ahead. Call me an asshole to my face because I have it coming. You know why I wore that? because Adam Sandler used to wear whatever he fucking wanted. When I went to the premier, I looked at Michael Irvin, and I looked at Romanoscow. I looked at the wrestlers. They were all dressed to the nines.

You know how bad I felt? Because I thought it was cool to be cool. No, it's not. Your mom taught you to fucking dress up. Fucking dress up for those events. That happened once in a lifetime. That's why when I got the chance to go to grudge match, I dressed to the fucking nines.

I went to the bank and everything. I don't go to the bank for fucking one of those polyester suits. from Hollywood, three suits for $200. People can't smoke around you. Really, that's bad, because I was going to get them when I lose all the way. Lee, they're, those suits are tripped. Lee, listen.

I mean, unless you're hanging out with fucking Missachi's ghost and businessmen who wear $1,500 suits, which I love to wear, I just don't have a purpose for those. For me to go and buy a 1,500 suit to impress you or my wife or the neighbor to hang in the

closet, there's no investment, there's nothing. It's just a $1,500 suit. you know, hanging in your closet. Fat guys like me, chubby, cute guys like yourself. You go to Hollywood. You get those three suits for a deuce. All right? They give you a shirt and they give you your socks and they give you a belt.

The shirt you're going to wear one time, you're going to throw those away because you're ripped a fucking thing. And the socks, it's made by some Korean blind guy. One sock is size 12, the other size 8. You know, you don't know what the fuck's going on with you. Your feet next thing, you know, half a foot's up. Your heel is out. It's itching during the meeting. Forget the socks.

You go buy your own nice socks and your own nice shirt to match. But those suits, for $200, it's three suits, which I come out to. $65 a fucking suit. Yeah, that's crazy. Okay, let's say you wear the suit three or four times apiece, which you're not. Which are fucking not. Really? It's all going to.

No. And let's say you do. And you go out to dinner with your wife and you get caught on a hook. Okay. Your mother-in-law is going to be able to fix it. but it's a $65 suit. Even if you ruined the pants, you still kept a jacket and you didn't make that much of an investment in a fucking suit.

When I was really broke and Josh Wolf gave me that check for $500, and I bought those three suits, and I gained 80 fucking pounds in two months, and I went to put the suits on that didn't fit no more. Could you imagine if I would have paid $500 for that one suit? Jesus. And if you go there and they look at the $500 suits, it's the same suit to $300 for $200. Oh, really?

They just charge you more just so you feel better about yourself. But if you go to the two, right there on Hollywood. I think there's like two or three of those places. Yeah. And last time I went there, I saw all the dudes from My Witness News there, those suits hold up. If you fucking take them to the dry cleaner and don't throw them and wrinkle them and take the jacket off and don't act like an animal,

for what the fuck we do with a suit on, it's not bad. Now, if you're an agent at CIA and you're parading those suits and you have a meeting with Brad Pitt, I spit in your face if I'm Brad Pitt. You show up with that fucking Japanese fuck. and worm silk or whatever the fuck I don't know nothing about material

but it'll fuck do I know who I know I finished the sopranos last night and it was I knew that the fade to black was coming but I was the reason

I was thinking about it I went and looked and the season finale or series finale was in June of 2007 and I was thinking about how I had probably just graduated high school

or was just about to graduate high school so when did you graduate high school 2007? 2007 oh my God And I was thinking, like, what was your first year of college? 2008, I presume, no, 2007.

Well, yeah. 2000. And when did you graduate college? I finished early 2010. Wow. And I was thinking about it. I was like, I- This high school in 2007.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. I never fucking thought about that. I have to take a break. Now I'm really getting fucking anxiety over here. Really?

In 2007, I never looked at it from that perspective. Yeah, no, it was, I remember that. So I graduated high school 25 years before you. And I got left back when, yes, so really 24 years, if I wouldn't have been a moron. 26. 26, whatever. But do you ever look back and like, I remember the night I graduate. I don't know, I think it was a little bit after this.

But I remember getting the call that I was going to Israel for the first semester. That night, and I drove to the graduation of my shitty car. I was like, I wonder if I talked to me when I was graduating high school, how I would look at what I'm doing right now. Like, if I think, if I would have thought I should have stayed with a job or whatever it was. And I was like, I bet like 2007 Lee thinks this is pretty cool. Like, it's pretty fun. And it just, I hadn't, I hadn't really stopped to think about it. I was thinking about today, this weekend's your anniversary.

Mm-hmm. And you've been with this girl for two years. Yeah. Wow. That's crazy. It's been a crazy two years. Wow. And you're in love.

You've been in love with this since you're met her. The first time she brought your home to eat those tamales. You were fucking done. You fucking Jews love Spanish women and black women. Oh, they're great. What the fuck is wrong with you? You guys got like a weakness cell. You know, you don't fuck.

They're completely different from our mothers. I think that's what it is. Hilarious. You're not the first person that I've, you know. I look at this type of stuff. Hell yeah. I was thinking about that salsa record I put out. Okay, that's a soccer record I put on.

I've had this story. When we first started the podcast, I had Mike Kessler call. Okay. And he spoke about how his brother Stephen, the pharmacist, when he was in college, he went to NYU when he was Jewish. And on the weekends in the early 60s, instead of going to bar mitzvahs and shit, he would go to Latin halls. And he was a young kid, Mike, and he goes, I couldn't understand it. At night, instead of listening to the Beatles, he'd listen to Spanish music and dance around. And he became the Mombot champion or the salsa champion.

What the fuck of 1963 in New York City? A Jewish kid. And it wasn't that he was a Mombo dancer by nature. It was that he liked Spanish women. He said he ended up marrying a Spanish woman. They're still together 48 years and kids. I don't remember if you called when... I don't remember.

Because I've heard in Hesian, sopranoism with black women. So I've heard the stereotype. Remember when he goes, she liked you? And he goes, I don't know if you. looked at this, she's a bit light of my taste. Well, Jonathan Wolfe. Yeah. Like, he married a black chick.

David Wolfe married a black chick. It's really, uh, it's not that it's sound common. You know, I just, you were dating a couple women before Paula. Yeah. But I remember you going out with Paula a few times and saying, like, this is the one. I don't remember when I had, because we talked for like three weeks to a month before, because we met online. And then what I think it really was is she got sick

toward the beginning of us dating. And I hadn't met her parent, her mom yet, but I went down there when she was sick. And we watched the exorcist on her bed during the middle of the day on a laptop. But then her mom cooked. And I think, I think that was probably it. That was very nice of you.

It does a very nice move. Well, it's just, it's, uh, I see how it's like the Fourth of July. it's basically turning into my family out here. I don't really have family family. I'm sure if I get married, my mom might move out. Who knows? But it just, it was a, it was great.

And I actually, I haven't even told Paul of this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it, but I signed up for a Spanish class at Valley College. It's Monday and Wednesday mornings. Let me ask you this. Very interesting question. I want you to be strictly honest with myself and people listen. When you got in that fucking car

and pointed that car west, Yeah. Did you have any idea that you were going to fall in love with a woman like Paul at all? Before you even fucking answer, because I'm putting you in a tremendous bad situation. I mean, before you could even fucking answer, when you were sitting there on the 4th of July eating with these people, kissing Paula, they're treating you like a son. Did you ever think back of getting in that car and seeing yourself? They're like, who would have thought? I had like a year.

This is what I love about why I tell you. all these dumb fucking stories because this isn't about drugs, this is about how I left New Jersey and you got embraced. You found yourself at somebody's home. You were at my home, eating.

Like, I remember you coming over me going, this fucking guy's great. Like, look at him. He wants to go to New York. I remember calling you, scared. Like going like... You were scared that night? Oh, my God, I thought you were going to hang up on me.

Like, I'm not going to New York. This old guy wants to fuck me in the ass. No. You were like, I'm in. Let's get the donations. And I'm like this fuck And I'm thinking to myself When this guy got in this car

Was he thinking of this moving this fast? And I'm sorry I didn't let you answer the question I just got so emotional thinking I remember when it was happening to me I remember being Working on the 4th of July Building a wall with bricks And hitchhiking

Back to my home in snowmass And parking and all of a sudden John Denver pulling over and picking me up And driving me up the corner to my house up in wherever the fuck I lived in Snowmass Village and walking and going, when I got in that car four months ago, I just wanted to survive.

Yeah. I thought it was coming out here to be an editor. I thought I was coming out here to work a job. And then I'm very thankful for my first job, but it was also very tough on me because I like when things move fast. I get very bored when things are slow. or, like that summer, my first summer here was dead because the show was on hiatus,

and they were very nice to keep me there, but there was nothing to do. So when you call me that night, it was like midnight, I was working nights, and you're like, do you want to go to New York? I was like, fuck, yeah, I want to go and shoot the documentary. So for people, you answered your own question. So for people who were at home thinking about making a move, not to L.A., to anywhere, anywhere that makes you, that in your heart, we always have this fear, and all of a year later you find yourself

at a dinner table with these people that are complete strangers and they're treating you like you've known for 20 fucking years. Yeah? And if you're not real, if you don't think back to where you came from for 30 seconds ago,

wow, a year ago, if you don't think to yourself for one minute that I'm over here talking to myself, that's the weirdest fucking thing. people knocking on the door for a bathroom key. Tremendous. That's when you know shit's going down the fucking tubes.

You know what I'm saying? But we were on to something. I forget, you know, people who want to leave and procrastinate. Trust me, when I first made the hurdle from New Jersey to fucking Aspen or the snowmast village of Basalt, Jesus Christ, I had a thousand doubts. And I could have been one of those people that said, well, I'll do it in a year. I'll save up money. That's like the same thing of, I'm not going to just.

join jujitsu till I'm in shape. Right. Okay. I'm not going to join karate for I'm in shape. I'm not going to go here until I'm in shape. It's the same fundamental. Well, you know what I'm going to do? I'm not going to get a job at a liquor store and I'm going to put money away. You're not going to put dick away. You're not going to put dick away. You're going to get a girl pregnant. You're going to get yourself into a bad

predicament. When I thought about going to Colorado, it was like a three-week process for me. It was like a three-week process. I had a bunch of irons in the fire. I just had to rob somebody to get a little financing and I was gone. Hoop doop de lulu. And listen, I didn't have family, but I had family.

Okay, I had family. And I could have turned my life around 10,000 thousand times, and I fucking didn't. And I escaped. But the one thing, you know, last night, I'm standing there. Guys, I've been living out here for 18 fucking years. I've been around a lot of fucking people. There was a minute last night where I'm standing there going, this is surreal.

This is a dream that 20 years ago I was in a basement apartment watching Pauley Shore on MTV. I used to watch the real world then. Yeah. With the Cuban kid that had the AIDS and the chick fell in love with him. This is like the third. I don't even know what year. Please don't quote me on what year this.

Like 92, 93, 94, 95. There was a kid on MTV, a Cuban kid that had AIDS, and there was the real world. There was a cute girl on there. And there was some guy that used to come to the store, Spaz or Raz or Kataz. He used to go to the comedy store, and they threw him off.

because he said the guy had HIV on TV. I don't fucking know. But I used to watch Paulie, and then at night I'd put that tape in and watch Joe Torrey, and I'd watch Bill Hicks on the fucking Rodney thing. And there'd be nights, I ain't going to lie. I'd fucking cry,

because I wanted to do this so fucking bad. I could taste it. Like, I thought if I could just go on stage and somebody could see me, that maybe I had a fucking chance. Nobody ever saw me, you know what I'm saying? Just fucking Lisa. Yeah.

I was laughing before, because we were talking before the podcast started about Jiu-Jitsu, and we were talking about a move, and you just said, come here, and I just started laughing, because we were literally on the floor of an office building in the back of North Hollywood, and I'm getting on top of Joey Diaz and the half guard, or you're in half-guard, and I'm getting on top of you, and I'm like, who would have thought? Like, when I was listening to one of those first Rogans on my drive out here, I'm like, I'm getting on top of, like, it was just, it was just, you know, it was just, just, I had to laugh for a second.

I just had no, I was like, what is happening in my life right now? This is fucking life. And this is why, if you're scared of making a move, Jesus Christ, $300. You got to dive in a hotel down in Hollywood. You get a job telemarking. Look at fucking Diagostino selling that fucking inking shit on the phone. Yeah. He's making bank.

I told him, just sit still for 90 days. Wait till everybody quits and you get all their leaves. They promoted him. He now gets people who called in. Oh, cool. So he don't have to call fucking dentist and fucking people in Afghanistan to sell him a box of tape. Oh, cool. And he has a new podcast, too.

Oh, shit. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, shit. What's up, buddy? What's happening, my brother? I'm happy you called in. We wanted to switch it up a little bit tonight.

And we said, fuck it. Let's have Danny B call in and fuck things up. And what's the latest with Gary? My brother. Oh, God. Well, I know that he just got 25 years for one bank robbery, and he's waiting on the other two. There was more than we thought in the beginning. You know, originally we thought he took down one bank, but it turns out he took down a couple of banks.

Some lady that owned a restaurant followed her home, put a pistol to her head, grabs somebody we knew growing up in North Bergen, one of our friends' mothers, of all things, followed her home to, I think, Richfield Cokes, and got her at the doorstep. So he's pretty much done. Three strikes you're out. Well, actually, it's like six strikes for him. It was fouling off a couple of pitches, but they, you know, I don't know, bro. I don't see him coming out.

I think that's it. No, no. Has he reached out to anybody or? Oh, no, he did it. You know, he didn't. No, he went out ugly, man. He went out hating everybody and he was a drug-induced. So, you know, everybody was supportive.

Everybody helped him out, and he kind of went out ugly. He went out, you know, like a gangster. And now he's kind of doing time on his own. It's a shame, but he burnt all of his bridges, including us here. You know, my mom passed away, so he lost that lifeline. Michael, my cousin, everybody, people out west by you. Yeah, so he's kind of sitting there. I'm not saying I'll never speak to him again, but right now he's kind of dealing with what he created, if you will.

Danny, you and I both know that there before the grace of God go out. That could have been us by mistake. Well, you know what? He had a lot of help, a lot of people were there from, you know. It wasn't his first mistake. It wasn't his second mistake. And, you know, drugs, man. It's it.

Drugs. He couldn't just be happy smoking a joint or having a drink. He had to go on the powder, you know, and then he became typical Gary, North Bergen-style, you know, like was 1985. No control. You know, he thought he was smarter than everybody. He was going to outthink the cops and all the cameras were like, Gary, you can't rob. This ain't 1995. This is, everybody's got cameras.

Everywhere you go, there's cameras, but he, you know, he knew more than everybody. And like I said, he's going to be swimming a long time. Can you imagine Danny getting caught selling powder now and you get caught on camera from across the street? They got cameras the size of a fucking dime. They're putting bars, I heard now. Yeah, you know what? Thank God I left that lifestyle many, many years ago. as you did.

I couldn't make a living now. There's no way you can make a living as a thief. There's no way. You don't think so? No, no. No, no. Hey, what's up, Lee? How are you about it?

What's up, Danny? Even under the radar. Yesterday I was watching something, and they had closed off Studio City. Did you see that yesterday for four hours? No, where? They closed off Studio City because three guys, they got spotted, breaking into a house, and the one guy had a weapon. So they evacuated the maids, and I'm sitting there going in all my years.

That's what saved me. I always crawl through that window solo. I could have been a fucking burglar or an encyclopedia salesman. Because I dressed apart. That's how I did it. I didn't walk in a neighborhood with a hooded sweatshirt with a fucking born-to-lose t-shirt on. I'd walk looking halfway decent.

You didn't know what the fuck I was doing. You didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I could have been doing anything. Well, you know, Gary did a lot of his stuff all messed up, too. He wasn't thinking level half. he was up for two or three days and he dragged some young kid with them uh actually the getaway driver died not you know of uh she was sick to be it was a girl she died of complications and the young kid flipped on gary and uh told them about the uh the other heist you know

again they had them for the bank and fair view up there by white castles and uh then they got him for i think two more banks and the poor lady they owned the restaurant on tunnelie avenue I forgot a name, but it's somebody that we knew was her mother, you know? Yeah, it's a shame, you know? He's sitting there by himself. You know, since my mom died, everybody's kind of doing their thing, Coco. You know, she kind of kept us a little bit talking, and she passed away last September. We've kind of all lost contact, you know?

Everybody's raising their kids. She was the matrile. You know, Danny? She was the fucking glue. She was the glue. Yeah, she was a good act. When the mother was a moment. When the mother and the soprano died, the sopranos was over.

People will tell you, real people who know what was going to go down will tell you that they Olivia died, that was it for the sopranos. That's why David Chase is a genius because he bailed something out that was supposed to go one way. And it went a different way. And he kept your attention. That's the genius of David Chase. But a lot of people who knew, a lot of people who knew what was going to happen, knew that Fox knew, the mother was going to end up the boss of the family.

Oh. So when she died, it was all over. They had to go a different direction. So they play a little hardball, and then they won a direction. And that's how they ended the fucking show. That's the genius of David Chase. Well, kind of when she died,

this storyline was so messed up. I only enjoyed it the first couple of years, two or three years. Whenever she died, after that, it wasn't the same. You know, it was like they were reaching. but she reminded me kind of of my mom, you know. Take the knife out of the ham and stick it right here.

She had that, you know, tough. My mother was tough, but yet she was scared at the same time, you know. She, you know, but she, you know, she made good chicken, though. You remember that chicken? She can cook some fried chicken, Coco. She was good at that. I must have ate Danny fucking 40. And in those days, I used to snort and eat whenever there was food.

Like, I'd eat those sandwiches at Joan. Joan Marys used to put this bar where you. grew up in it was on the corner or whatever in Bergen-Line Avenue they were nice enough to put these ham and cheese sandwiches in this circle thing like a bakery circle and you'd pick up a thing

and take the sandwich out and put it back down but for some reason there was always a fly and the one that Joan Marries I would eat 15 of those fucking sandwiches and I get a bag of potato chips with hot sauce on it Frank's hot sauce with potato chips and a mug of Budweiser shit

shit. You know what life is. I couldn't touch the fuck. I couldn't eat shit. If I snorted a line, that was it. I'd look at fucking food and puke like that kid from South Park when he looks at that girl. That's kind of how I am with the... But you know what?

That was a long time ago, you know? But yeah, I always do remember the food out there. And they were putting it out. So we didn't, you know, we had a little something on our stomach. And then at night, late night, at 1215, Cowan would close chicken, chickadee. The chicken delight, chicken delight. No, chicken delight was down. Chicken delight was two blocks down where Berkel worked.

Chicka D was next to the door to us. You're right. Chicken delight was on 78th Street. On 78th Street. Don't cook can I call chicken delight. Don't cook can I call chicken delight. Though they had tremendous fries. And next to it was the Wing Fong Chinese restaurant.

How many times like Don and Dash out of that motherfucker? But up the corner. God, I'm sorry. What was the chicken joint on 78? That was the one Mike Donovan worked there. right on 70, right across the street from my house. I remember when we didn't go to school, he had the keys, we'd skip school, we'd go up there,

we'd fry up some scallops, some shrimp, some chicken, and go in the clubhouse and smoke wheedle, they burned candles to keep warm, and, you know, that was, that shit, that seemed like yesterday, Cokes, that's like 40 years ago, for Christ's sakes, 1975, 1976, 77. You know what? I just came back from Cape May, man.

It was really nice. I bumped in, I told you earlier. Pete Mancuso. We knew him. I played baseball with him. You know who he's good friends with Jimmy Villano, all those guys. So we're starving. We're looking for a place to eat.

We find a pizzeria on the boardwalk, and we pop in there. We start to talking and where you're from, North Bergen. Oh, so am I. Well, it turns out he owns a pizzeria. Jimmy Villano was popping in the next day. You know, and Cape May, it's a great place. We went down to do some shark fish in there. Shark hunting, I want to call it.

Did you get any? But you went to the wrong place. Down in North Carolina, they're biting people every 15 minutes in North Carolina. You're up in Jersey. Yeah, but here's what you do, though. There's people that owe your money. You tape them to boogie boards,

and you cut their legs, and then the sharks come that way, and that's how we started getting them. Not really, really. It's a really nice place down there, but I don't go in the water. I'm only fucking around. No sharks for me, pal.

I put my feet, and then that's about it. And now they're coming up and pulling you on there. They pull you the fuck in those sharks. something happened. I know. Those sharks, I don't even go to the fucking war. Fuck you.

They're taking that shark NATO serious. Fuck you. Now, when this football season is starting, my friend, you're ready to arrive. Well, officially, let's look. August 9th preseason. And you believe that, that's it. No one's going to bet on preseason.

Do people bet on preseason? Fuck, yeah. That's it. You can't. You don't know who's going to play. People bet on everything. Jesus. And if they don't bet, you got to talk.

I meant to bet. And that's what he does. Hey, Lee, here you go. Here's a. Here's some advice. Take a like a rookie coach who's hungry for wins out the door. Certain teams, of course, they don't want to risk their stars. They already know what they got.

But teams got to look and searching for that backup quarterback. Find a team that has a good backup quarterback because he's going to be playing hard too. But if you have a rookie quarterback, a rookie coach, rather, he's hungry. He wants to start off, you know, with a winner. So preseason, yeah, stay away from that if you don't know what you're doing, of course. But there's money to be made, but it's tricky. You only bet a few dollars. You don't get crazy on it because like anything can happen.

But, yeah, it's right around the corner, baseball, All-Star Break after this weekend. Times flying kids are old. Your girls, what, two and a half now? Three, getting up there. Two and a half for that. I got to ask you some. I'm really happy that you called because before Lee graduated. Ready for this, Danny, sit down for a second.

I am. I'm sitting, bow. Lee graduated high school in 2007. That's criminal. I just realized. I had no idea. You're feeding him pot and stuff like that, man. You can get in trouble for that.

He ate 500 milligrams the other night. We both did. I got to tell you something, I was fucking gone. I went home. I ate fucking a captain booty. I ate the fucking peaches. I ate every banana. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Peaches make me shit. I can't do peaches. What do you think it did to me the next day? I was all fucked up yesterday. I puked. He puked from the 500 milligram. He ate wholesale tortellini.

I didn't. Every time I puke. Tortolini, they got tortellinis with potting it now. My God. No, no, no, no, no. He went home and made tortellini, old tortellini. It was expired, and he put that spray butter, and then mixed with the expiration.

No, don't do that. And he got sick. Yeah, and he blames on the fucking brownie, this fucking guy. It was a five, but I fucking, I fucking, fucking, I had a 20 surprise. I was leaning up against my fridge talking to somebody who wasn't there. I was in the closet. I was having cold sweats. Listen,

I had a little, I just fucked around with those tutsy rolls, and I was enough to fucking scare me straight, man. I will never do none of that edible stuff again. Oh, my God. So, just give me a joint. Give me my weed.

I like cutting it up. I like smelling my fingers. I like the whole presentation of it. Which cheap are you giving? I gave him cheap. I gave him $1.75. You even the whole thing? No, I gave him half.

Danny Bioncula. I give him what I fucking give him. He's been around the car. So he was like two and a half times of what you had. I almost died. Yeah, but that's still, you know, we're here on the East Coast. We know, we're not privy to that stuff. You know, we get some, we get some smoking good weed here, but you guys are spoiled out there, man. You've got the, like you said, Tortolini pot now?

No, no, no, no, no, no. He went home. I know. He went home, and they thought it around. Now, Danny, before, before, we were talking about him graduating high school and what he was thinking about that he went to college, and then one day he got up and like you and I did, he got on this car and came out of here. Something that people from our area don't even dream of doing. Right.

You know, when we were growing up, it was me and you, and we stayed away. Everybody else goes at least for a year. They come back. Oh, it's great. Fuck you guys, you're losers. And then three years later, they come back with some story. The grandmother died, and they had to come back and take care of the house. But they're getting their shit together, and they're going back.

We were the ones who stayed. you know, yeah, like I think at times, sometimes towards the end, I did all the creepy shit to get out of there and never come back because it was so painful for me growing up that that was in the back of my mind psychologically. I was like, you know what, maybe I just did that shit towards the end just so I never had to go back there. But we were talking about graduating high school.

And that's when I really met you, 81, 82. Like, I had no dream at all, Danny. Like, when I was hanging out of Joan Marys and that, Quarkies, I had a dream of being a drug dealer and being successful. That was it. Or being a part-time thief like James Kahn and busting into jewelry stores and making 30 grand and partying for six months on an island. Then rob it again.

That was what I wanted my life to be. I didn't consider work. I didn't consider fucking movies. I didn't consider legit working at a way. Remember, we could all get a job at APA making $40,000, $50,000. the year to start in those days. We could all get a job as a cop or a fireman or a longshoreman those days.

Those jobs were there for us. They were right there. I had no dreams, Lee. You were way ahead of me. I had no dreams. My dream was to go to Corkies, do an A-ball, get those bluebirds for $2 a piece, and hopefully get Tritches on them to suck your dick ball, something, you know what I'm saying?

Well, Lisa Triches. That's right, right. That's old school. Well, you know what? We started hanging out in early 80, 81, 82, but I did know you in the 70s, but yeah, you were in a different crew there, but we all became one crew. You had the Robert Fulton, and you had the Horace Mann and the Kennedy crew, and it seemed like in the 81, 82, they all clicked that Joe and Mary, the Midtown, Corkies, Gregory's, whatever the name is.

Well, my world's into you. My real world into you was a kid named Glenn Conti, who, I got to tell you something, And our friend Fernie popped up on Facebook. And I had always heard rumors, and they got confirmed. He does look like he had HIV. My heart broke. Oh, Farnie? Yeah, because I had heard rumors.

In 87, I called, and somebody threw him out of a Christmas party because he was in the bathroom for an hour. And when they finally opened the door, he was shooting. And it broke my heart. And, you know, I feel guilty in a lot of ways about Fernie. I can't lie to you. I can't imagine why Glenn Conti won't talk to me. I mean, I have...

He won't talk to nobody. You know, it's funny. I said the same thing. I was up at Genie O'Brien, which is brothers, Jason. They have a Super Bowl party every year. You know, and I keep asking, where's Conti? And they told me he isolated himself. John Mehan, they were pretty good friends for a long time.

And Nehan told me that he'll contact him once in a while, but he came back to North Bergen after years and not talking. to nobody and had one all nighter with the guys and that was it and then he just basically turned his back now this is what i heard i don't know for sure because i always like glen now oh my god and i yeah glen was a good kid i his brother uh keith too uh but glen's glen's grandmother and my grandmother were friends and so i knew glen before i even came into northburgh and i still lived in fair view so i have a very long history with him i was me and him were glued to the hip From 79 to 84.

He was, I would take, I would die for that kid. He knew it. He fucking knew it. He knew that whatever I had, half of it was always his, you know? He was a good athlete. Good athlete going to be. He was, he was my brother. I still remember him and Fernie and Hollow, no, him and Fernie,

driving me to the airport when the cops were looking for me. When I was going to Sarasota, to hang out with Gary, Hartman, and I still remember them both looking in the car, and they were both crying. I mean, we knew, I've always said at that moment was when we knew the summer, like, that's it. High school was done. Whatever had happened that summer, it was over. It was manhood. Like, the cops were looking for me.

They wanted their jewelry back, and here I am on a plane to Sarasota. Who the fuck goes to Sarasota to watch the road war is. Tim Donaggy. Tim Donaggy lives down there. Tim Donaggy, not the Sarasota, but it's just weird. What were you thinking in 82 at that age? Well, you know what? I just got out of the Army.

It was the summer of 82. I still feel that was my favorite summer. We were all young. For me, I had some money I saved in the Army. We didn't have to work. It was just the summer partying and going down to seaside, crashing into one room with 15 people. That summer other was the summer of 82. And then shortly after that, September of 82, I had to be a year.

it out to California. I lived out in California three or four different, three different times. 81 to 83, 88, 87 to 88, 98, 93 to 94. So I lived in California on several occasions, and one day I really hope to get back there. You know, if you get some fucking water, though, I'm coming out there to you get water. But, yeah, I've been around the block. I mean, you're right, we ex-red. Thought that was funnily?

Yeah. We were going to get water from. But listen Most of the people Like you said Coco Their version of escaping Is moving to Bergen County They got away

They really went far They went two miles up the block I'm not even making fun of them That area You know it's like people think Oh When you beat the mob for 8000 They're gonna fly out to Tempe

And do what And do what? What are gonna do in Tempe? Rent the car You think they got GPS And they're gonna come looking for you They don't know nothing if you tell him you escape to Atlantic City, they'll shoot you.

You know, it's funny that. In 83, James, my cousin, you know, James very well and Greg, of course. He owed Frank Jumper, you know, the gangster up in Richfield, by Mr. Mr. in the Jersey, whatever. He owed him about 10 large, and he owed this other kid that I forgot his name. So he owed about 18 grand. And then he booed. He came out to California.

and never left, never went back. And then when I did get back from California, I bumped into Frank Jumper in a food stand in fucking West New York. And I'm trying to avoid him because he's a big fuck. And I know he's connecting. And he's a big fuck, dog. This dude was juiced up in 1983 on Deca, Deca, and more Deca. Oh, but he was a connected guy.

I didn't realize how connected he was until he got pinched. and they tried to get me to testify against them for loan shark and show. You know who pinched him, right? William Freach pinched him. You know who fucking prosecuted him? Governor Christie, actually, was a prosecutor. That's fucking crazy shit. I was just talking to somebody about that that I ran into.

But yeah, so that's how James got out at California owning the mobsters money. But you're right, you go to Atlantic City, they'll find you. So fine. Atlantic City, man. I'll tell you what, if they get the sports betting in New Jersey, which any day now we're waiting on a ruling, we're supposed to be in already. But I'll tell you what, it'll be big.

I don't know if it'll cure Atlantic City's problems because the place is really hurting. But it'll definitely open up some avenues and maybe start the recovery, you know, for Atlantic City. And if it is legal, I'm moving my ass out of Pennsylvania to New Jersey. And listen, I ain't given out no inside information. But if I want to bomb some place, That's what I would bomb Atlantic City.

You're doing everybody your favor. Just bomb us for 15 miles around and start from scratch, dog. Start from scratch down there. That's why they just couldn't bring it back. That's why I went down to Cape May, man, because every summer, twice or twice a summer, every year, rather, we go down to Atlantic City. It's the same shit. You stay at the Revel or one of the nicer places, but this year we said, fuck it. Let's go down to Cape May, and it's so nice.

You know, the people are good. They're not crowded. It's very Victorian. Shores are crowded now. I've seen the pictures, and it's fucking amazing. How many people could be on the beach? I refuse to be on the beach if somebody was four feet from me. I don't care whether she was beautiful, young.

I don't give a fuck. I don't want to be four feet from somebody. I grew up when you had 10 feet away from you. You could fart and scratch your pussy and fuck. You can do a thousand things on the beach. Now you have people right on top of you on seaside and all those poppy places. And you still fur. You just don't like it.

You don't go there. You got to go down to where where you're going. Right. You've got to go where people can't afford it. You've got to go where they can't afford it. And let me tell you, we went from Cape May. The kids wanted to go to the boardwalk, which was only like 7, 8 miles to Wildwood. I haven't been to Wildwood for fucking years. 30 years.

I haven't met the wildwood. Beautiful when I was a kid. I don't know what's like now. You kidding me. Now, it's a huge boardwalk. There's literally three amusement parks on the boardwalk, and it's like four miles long. And it's night and day. You go from like you're in a different world, six miles up the beach.

You know, you've got the people. at the store smoking cigarettes on you saying, come on in, we got a two for one special bring the kid in. I'm like, okay. But what a fucking, I want to call White Trash Bar, oh. The epitome of white trash is fucking the Wildwoods these days.

But yeah, we go to where people can't afford it. You know, not trying to be stuck up or anything, but that's what you do. You want to be left alone. You've got to pay the extra money and you're left alone. That's what I found about. Let me tell you how tight I was at Glenn Conti. I want people to wrap their hands around

this freshman to sophomore summer again freshman to sophomore summer it was this time around 35 years ago we were kids that me glencanti and john bender went in on a summer house and seaside park new jersey for two weeks you we talked our parents two weeks to go down it i hit the number in February for 2,500. My mom took five off the top. 500. I had $2,000 in a bank account. My mom goes, don't touch it. I fucking took that money, and I started buying quarter pounds from Joe Reo.

And I started making... Oh, my God. He became a cop. He's on Facebook every day. He hates spicks and niggers. Nobody hates fucking more racist than Joe Rale. And he's still my brother. I ain't mad at him.

I love Joe Rale. Dude, I'm a fucker has my baseball card collection. Let me tell you someone. I was in... That fucking that name brings a bell big time. Well, his two brothers were murderers. The one brother was a cop that got thrown off, and the other brother stuck the flagpole up to gay guy's ass.

That's right. The ceramic guy. They stub the fucking hammer up his asshole, the ceramic gay guy. That's right. When we were kids, he used to make ceramics. So the one brother went to jail. That brother robbed my house. I had eight ounces of pot that somebody had cracked the seeds in it.

So whenever you live it was like explosive pot. It was like those candles that don't turn off. Every time you lit the joint, it blew up. Joe Rayo's stuff. Joey Rayo's brother stole it, and that's how everybody knew that he had robbed me because he was selling nickel bags of explosive. Explosive weed.

Explosive. You know, fucking Joey Rayo. So Gary, I'm in California. I'm in California at this point, 87. I got this baseball car collection. It's this fucking interesting story. You know, I come back from California, you busted out. And I know, well, baseball cards in the late 80s were at an all-time high.

So I figured I'm going to sell these cards. And I had every card from 1970 to 1979. Act up. So I'm going to make a score. I'm thinking it worth 30, 40, 50 grand. I come back and Gary tells me, oh, man, I'm fucked up. Turns out he got caught doing something one night. Joey Rayo knows about my baseball card collection,

tells him, I'll let you go if you can me Danny's baseball card collection. section. So five years later, I'm hanging out with Scott Zemanach. And the room always was, the thing on the street was, hey, I got your big. Yeah, I know. Everybody's got my baseball cards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. Ha-ha. So, no, and Zeminac tells me, no, I really got him, because he wanted to marry or hooking up with Joey Rayo's ex, his wife, they got divorced. So sure enough, there was my baseball cards, like seven years later, five years later, but they took out all the Pete Roses, Tom Severs, all the, you know, the Johnny Benches and shit.

And I still got those cards to this day, minus the big-name players. But yeah, man, we had some fucked up people in that town. Joe Rayo was the first player. His house was the first time I ever had dark rye. I almost lost my mind. We're like ham and cheese on dark rye with mustard. It was the best thing I ever think. You've been obsessed with dark rye for like three weeks.

I went to his house once. And his father made me a ham and cheese sandwich on dark rye. I almost lost my mind. I was a Cuban kid. I never had fucking dark rye. What the fucking shit? Cuban kids. I don't know.

Have you heard from anything about Sabatino at all? He's M. He's M.A. He's living somewhere. He's missing somewhere. Another guy that was my brother. My brother. Yeah.

I loved him. Funny. He brought me home. He got banged up, man. He got banged up on that shit. He couldn't. Same shit. Like,

1985. Just the same shit. Left his wife, his kids. No. This was two years ago. Three years ago they were looking from. He was living with Meehan on a couch.

He was. was still working for UPS. He got six kids. He was coaching baseball, and one day he went MIA. Listen, man, you got to remember one thing. Again, like I always tell Lee. I loved Anthony. I grew up with Anthony. I grew up on Givinaut Terrace.

He grew up on Charles Court. It was right next to me. Charles Court. Absolutely. He lived next to the Iceman, the guy who was the Iceman's cousin. Absolutely. The Prongays. The Prongays.

Which, John Prongay is on Facebook. The one brother, he changed his name. I found him. You know what? I didn't want to intrude his privacy. I totally. I was going to contact him and put him on the podcast and I said, you know what?

He went through enough. That kid went through enough. Why am I got a bottle and put him on a podcast and exploit the fucking kid? But Sabatino was my brother. His mom used to give me extra sandwiches. She was the lunch lady at McKinley. Good lady.

Good lady. Good family. These people are who the fuck I am. They're who I am. The Sabatino's, that name is in my head every fucking day. It's the funniest name I ever heard. Sabotechia. Last time I saw him was the summer of 2012.

I had my place up in Wehawk. And he called me up. He needed to borrow a couple of hours. I hooked them up, but I think two or three hundred bucks. He looked like shit. I asked him, hey, listen, you want to crash here for a little bit? It's like, nah, I got to get home. It's my kid's birthday.

And that's the last I saw of him. I think it was June or July of 2012. Because I ran into him and me, him, you know, because I was up there for about I don't know, about two years, you know, where I had that place up on Wee Hawking. And I bumped into me in, and then I started going out here and there with those two. And, you know, I started like,

what the fuck am I doing? I got two kids. These guys are a train wreck still. And it was fun. I had some laughs, but I'm like, oh, I can see how easy. No, no, no, no, you can't do that anymore. No, I could see how easy you can fall back into that.

That fucking town, it's cursed. Oh, it's fucking cursed. It really is. At that first bar, I would shit my house. pants I can't even be around it I can't even be in a bar no more Danny you start shit just the daughter throwing coke right no no no no no I can't even step in a bar at this age like I'm it's over like my instincts just stop like people tell me come to the bar next door it's not happening it's never happening I can not go to a bar I do not want to

see a bar I saw enough bars growing up I saw a bar for fucking eight lifetimes you know what You're playing into clubs all the time, too, surrounded by that year. Oh, man, I grew up, you know, I grew up in New York City when it was New York City, and I had the extreme fortune. I was very fortunate that I knew people, and from time to time I'd steal some money. And I'd go into those little bars in Manhattan. I'd go in there with a gram a blow by myself. And I know the best little spots.

I don't know where they are now. Who the fuck knows? That was 20 years ago. They changed over there. You know what? I was a notorious party by myself. Me too. Me too.

I love that shit. I do. I do like a weird shit. Like the guys are leaving the city at two in the morning. I refuse to leave. I'd be just like, just leave me here. I'm like,

what are you talking about? I'll just go. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll take a cab home. I fucking find a little hole in the wall, party by myself, hanging out with homeless people. All types of fucking weird shit.

Now I drink at home. When I drink, I drink right at home with my wife. We have a couple of drinks. and that's it. We keep it fun. We keep it safe. No homeless people anymore? What's that? No, no, once in a while, I'll grab a homeless guy just to, you know, shake up the past a little bit.

But we're going, you know, we're almost married 15 years now. You know, we're getting ready to go up next week to celebrate a couple of days together. We're going to do some zip lining up there. They've got naked zip lining. We're going to try it out. Naked zip lining. Oh, you laugh. I'm not laughing at that. I'm just looking at Joe. his face. I just don't want to send me.

My wife's pretty back, too, so I'm just going to have, so I'm going to do it. We're going to zip line, but we're going to keep our clothes on. It was like that shark story. That never happened, but sometimes I do want to put people on boogie boards and just float them out there and cut them just to see what happens. Like, get out of the fucking water, you morons, you're fucking wondering why you get, that's their water.

Stay out of their water. Don't go in the fucking shark water. You know, these folks, people are stupid sometimes there. I love your cocksucker. We got a boogie out of here. Yeah, you're a boogie board. Don't go on the boogie board. But yeah, listen, it's always a pleasure.

Lots to love. And I know you're up this way in September. I'm going to stop by and see you in Manhattan in September, pal. We'll have a good time. I love you, Danny B. Thank you for taking the time. Hey, man, I love you, too. You bring me back for fucking 20 minutes.

People listen to us talking. They're like, what the fuck lingo is that? What the fuck language is that that these guys are talking? All of a sudden, we sound the same. Don't tell me this lady he's knocking again with diarrhea. I love you. I got to go, Danny B. Stay black.

He's gone. Oh, he's gone. Yeah. Holy fuck. Who knocked on the door? Who does this type of action? A very nice older Mexican lady. I forgot her key to the bathroom today.

I was stoned to the fucking gills. And the owner came by earlier, but she was just, she told us that she parked in our space. I was like, we're going to kick out again. Like the past two ones. We're still here. Can we talk about this for us speaking and getting kicked out? What? You knew I was nervous on Monday.

and you call me like every 15 minutes saying the cops are coming don't answer the door don't answer the phone because I know you hello and you may you promise you're like don't answer the phone unless it's a phone call from either me or Paula like you're really serious about it

every 15 minutes cops are coming we ate that bar of death the Karova bar 1,000 milligrams today we mixed it up with some stars of death listen we got some great pictures in the mail from the great artist

have him. Now, I don't know what my fucking blessed. He wrote a little letter here. Listen to you guys all the time. I hear Joey stories, and it says that we walks in a path. He wanted to send some love. Don't ever stop. Brady Ferguson, he drew some nice fucking pictures of us.

They're beautiful. We're going to revamp the studio here. We get the music podcast going to put these up. He did a beautiful job. I weigh like 400 pounds in that picture. Brady, Cocksucker. I love you. And look at Lee.

All Lee needs is a fucking hat. You've got a part-time job at Ming Fing's Chinese restaurant. Ming Fings. Ming Fings. That's a new chain. I'm fucking inventing right there. And shit.

Who you think you're dealing with cock-sucking? Anyway, some shout-outs of my main cocaine. Tomali's always there for me. Mr. Gonso, Casey Jones, Greg and Lynn Powers. I got the email about Cuba. Let's make it happen. Paul Lynch.

Philip Reyes. This is wait for dust, the black dude, that's a cool motherfucker. That's a good guy. And Matthew Madeline's. I love you, Coxuck. I'm going to be in Atlanta this weekend. Oh, yeah, Atlanta. I can't fucking wait. And I'm going to be in fucking Chicago in two weeks. That's all you need to know. Then we're doing

the ice house. It's going to be a light summer. Light summer. I've got to take it easy. I got to dip under fucking 280 and then we'll talk business. You know what I'm saying? I feel you, though. But no, it's, uh, I had no aspirations. I was going to ask you about that. What?

So you, like you said when I, like, when you were graduating, all you could think about was getting, like, drugs here, whatever, like, whatever you just told Danny. When I was, I don't, from the time I can remember, I was always thinking, I want to go to college to do this or to do that, or during high school, I was really worried about the college applications and all that. Like, if you were going to talk to 17-year-old you, what would, what was, like, on your mind? Like nothing of that at all? You were just thinking about the present? Well, because of the situation, I was little winded. To put it lightly. Your mother died, of course.

I was little winded. And once that college thing came up and that whole thing with high school and me dropping out and coming back, I just didn't feel like somebody had spoken to me about maybe getting scholarships and stuff. And I always thought about the trades. You know, being a plumber or a carpenter and shit. I knew the carpentry wouldn't work because I figured I'd saw my finger off, my faint or something on the job.

So I knew that wasn't, but I really liked masonry. But I couldn't get a book for masonry in Jersey. I had to get a laborer's book and hopefully get put on with masonry guys and work a certain amount of days. And then I could become a laborer for the mason. Something weird. There was a loophole. So that was when I went to Colorado, I got into the masonry.

That's what the story I was telling before was the 4th of July. I worked for Chip Chilson Masonry. And I remember that was my first 4th of July away from Jersey. Ever, like ever, like I've ever. And here I was working until lunchtime for like 15 bucks an hour. He paid me time and a half or something. And then I was going to a barbecue, the guy from New Zealand's house and his wife. And when I got to that,

There was like 15 people there. And here's this kid, you know, like in the back of my mind. I'm like, if they only knew that I robbed the fucking jewelry store less than a year ago with these people even, and I wouldn't say nothing. I'd try to be, I didn't know who I was trying to be. I would talk about movies. I'd talk about food. I didn't talk about any of my personal life in Jersey then.

Nothing. They would ask, I'd ask a few questions, North Bergen. They would say, oh, Bergenfield, no. County. But, no, if I was 17, I once read a thing that if you read the Wall Street Journal for four years, you got more out of it than I had me in a college education. And it always stuck with me for a while, like, do you really need a college education? It's the only reason I was going to college was from my mother's witches. But once I started taking night courses, I had to tell you Lee, I liked it. I really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it.

I missed that today. I would love to get a second chance of going to college. I still wouldn't go to college as a rah-rah guy. What does that mean? I still wouldn't go to college. I wouldn't get... I know that for my child, for you, as a young man, I would tell you to the way to make it in college today

is to get involved. You have to get involved. You have to be part of a group you have to mingle, you know, you have to see other things, you have to sign up for all those workshops they give you. That's the only way you get the most out of college. Yeah. You know, and the other side of me,

I know that at least I should also work 20 hours a week. I live very contradictory. So for me, I know that I'm going to go sit and listen to some black guy play the piano with a little hat on and shit, and I got to make believe I'm entertained. I already heard and seen this shit. Well, it doesn't, I mean,

Or whatever the fuck it is. But Aspirations doesn't have to mean college. Like, it could have been in high school you wanted to be a comedian, so we're going to go. Listen, I didn't aspire to go to college, but I didn't also want to be that guy that didn't go to fucking college. At least didn't fucking try. Okay. With all the opportunities available to you, how the fuck can you not want to go to college? You know, there's a fucking paperwork, this shit that you could do to get into some college and get some type of fucking degree.

No matter how dumb you are. a college somewhere that'll take you. Am I lying to you? Am I lying to you? No. As long as you pay the fucking tuition, there's Valley College. You get a degree in fucking philosophy

from Barry Cowell. Can I, can you not? Yeah. It's the same fucking degree you're going to get from somewhere else. And when you go into that interview and you interview, it doesn't matter whether you got,

you told me yourself, it doesn't matter what it says, even though the other day I did see a girl with Emerson's shirt on. I almost said something to them. I go, what the fuck, it's a 4th of July. Why would you talk to me, right? And that's really all it is,

is that's the, They want to see that you attended. That's it. And then they might call a reference, yeah, he attended here, that you really get bees, yeah. Was he part of the fucking suck-muck-nick group? Yes, he was. Okay. What the fuck?

That's a good group. Why, Polly fucking Sire. Sucky, sucky group or whatever the fuck it is. I don't know nothing about this shit. That's it, Lee. What the fuck? He needs three stars. Yeah, fuck yeah.

What are you doing tonight? Tonight, I'm doing. Nothing because of this. Yes, you are. You got to do something with your life. You're going to start suns. Oh, yeah, maybe I'll do that. I already went to the gym today.

Sure, you did. How long did you do on the thing? An hour. And jihitsu yesterday. Yeah, jih Tis today. Yeah, it was good. I was thinking on the drive over here how every week I have the notebook with what I'm going to write down and what I'm going to do for the week.

And it's weird that right before I got on a plane, I look at that sheet. I'm like, fuck. I didn't do that. And I didn't do that. But I did eight other ten things I had on that list. just by writing it. Yeah. Maybe you want to do it, you know.

It's crazy to this. It doesn't make it, it makes you feel good when you check something off of a list. If you're going to work for yourself and you're going to be independent contractor. You have to have some type of schedule in your life so you're never stale. I can't ever. Even, yeah, there I was in the house writing in that fucking book. and then I said, let me write comedy. I went outside.

I smoked a number, and I sat in the sun. And it was two different worlds for me. You know, we fucking vegetate too much. That little jiu-jitsu, what is that? An hour and a half. What do you got? How many hours in the week? Seven times 20, fucking four.

Then you divide that by fucking eight times. So you need 56 hours. 160, yeah, I think. So 160, right? So you get 56 hours of sleep. You got 100 hours. You ain't got an hour and a half to go to a jihitsu class. you ain't got five hours to put into a fucking collard.

When you break it down like that, you'll be embarrassed of your life. Yeah. What you really do with your fucking life. When you break it into a time stable, so whatever seven times 24 is, how many hours a night you sleep? Eight, right?

Seven times eight is what? 56. So if there's 160 and you minus 56, you still got 100 hours. That means you got 100 hours to play with all week. You don't go to a gym. You don't take a class. You don't do something construct.

for three or four hours a week. There's something wrong with your life. You really got to look at it that way, hourly-wise. I don't care if you go learn Chinese figures. Who gives a fuck? At least you're taking your mind off your miserable life. I mean, that's the way I look at it. And that's why I go to Jiu-Jit-Tur, because that hour down and an hour,

45 minutes back, cutting people off and shit, at least it takes my mind off writing a joke. And, you know, I've got to get on a plane. I beat myself up just like anybody else. You just want to keep your mind occupied, especially when you're an independent contractor. At least if you have a job for 40 hours, you're doing something for 40 hours

that your mind is somewhere else. Yeah, five of those hours, you're going to fiddling it on the computer and look at U-Porn and bang one out. But for the most part... Do you ever tell someone to, like, check you or whatever? Because I'm working on that seminar I'm doing, so I'm working on it,

and I told Paula that she has to, like, check and see you, like, have made progress every week. Do you ever do that, or are you just all self-policed? because sometimes I need to know somebody's and they'll get mad at me. Here's the beauty of this. Everybody thinks that they're smart enough to control everything.

And for years, we all do that. Until one day you realize you have friends around you. And these friends care about you and they know your sense of humor and they also know what you're trying to do. They see the light. That's why you're friends with them.

As crazy as I am, I'm friends with John Butt. Today I went to Egan's with John Butt. You know that, right? I didn't know you want with him. Yeah, I went to John Boe with you. I love it. He's a good guy. He's been nice to me. And what was I talking about?

Friends around you, helping you. Yeah, and you have to ask two or three of your friends for advice that know you. I came to you last week with a problem about the special. And I told you what my numbers were and what my parameters were, and we both agreed on them, correct? Yeah. Are you a comic? No. But you have a different kind of mind, and you...

you know this, so this is why I come to you. Yeah, you need different points of view. I go to my wife, who's shrewd as fuck, and she sees the green tape, and she sees the white tape, and she's in the county. I take my ideas to her. So I take them to the most intelligent people I know, pretty

much, and then I'll call a friend from Jersey, who I trust his judgment. I'll call one of them. So now I have three judgments and my judgment. Out of those four judgments, something's got to be right. You follow me? Yeah. Because I've had the same formula for fucking years with my life. I've always asked people that I trust their judgment that'll say to me, you know what, I like you.

I'll miss you if you're gone, but you can't stay here. You're going to die from doing drugs or somebody's going to shoot you because they're going to catch you robbing their drugs. So you need friends like that that are honest with you, you know? Yeah. I was watching the James Brown movie. Okay. Did you watch that? Yeah.

When he goes to the guy's office and he wants to do a live production, and it's a big fat Jew. Yeah, yeah. And he goes, yeah, but it doesn't sell. And all of a sudden he takes his shoes off. and the Jew gets help and he starts dancing. And he goes, what the hell are you doing? He goes, I'm doing the mashed potato. He goes, I don't do it right, right.

He goes, that's right. That's not my part of the business. I know the business side of music. So you should know how to do the mashed potato and I'll take care of the business side. Do you follow me? So I don't know everything about everything. So I have to ask questions.

Right. And I'm not going to ask an agent because they're fucking greedy and stupid, you know. They're not going to give you their real advice. They're going to give you an advice from a monetary sense. How much are we going to make on this? Right.

So I got to go to two people who care, so that's how I make my decisions, though. As of the moment, I'll call Rogan, I'll call Ari, you know, and you make a joint fucking decision. Somebody's going to come up with their own answer and it will all help out to the cause.

What's with the questions, Coxson? I don't know, man. Let's wrap it up here. Let's give a shout out to the sponsors. What do you got going on this weekend? Anyway, talk to me. We're going to San Francisco. Okay. What are you going to leaving tomorrow morning? Friday morning. Friday morning. And what time you're leaving? We're actually thinking about leaving at like six, to be honest, just to get up there

around lunchtime. Because if we don't leave at six, we have to leave it like 11. Because otherwise those will get stuck in the morning traffic. You're going to get stuck anywhere, but not north, not too bad. Yeah, it's not that bad. And then we're just, we like to eat. So we looked at a couple places to go eat. We're going to go to that hate Ashbury part of town. gonna go get some clam chowder. It's gonna be fun. Two years. Good for you.

Congratulations, brother. You come a long way on the show, you know. Thank you, buddy. I see you were like Rocky's wife when I made. I was fucking hit. I stole him a little bit. Look at you got a pep to your step. You're putting down three stars of debt.

You're slinging dick and friscoe. Like, fucking Kleeneas wouldn't escape from Alcatraz. And you're taking us the next motherfucking level. You know what I'm saying? Well, that's crazy for you, too. I mean, you just went on Rogan yesterday. All right? And just think, just what we were talking about earlier, like, look, what did you think was going to happen?

One of those first Rogan ones you were on, on either the couch, when they were sitting just in, in these kind of chairs. I mean, how cool was that for you two guys? Do you ever guys just talk about that, like how you're sitting in front of, like, a thousand or so podcasts of just you guys, just your own podcast, not the hundreds of other ones you've done? And it's just, it's as much of a part of you as being a comedian now. Like four or five years later. Like I told you before, Lee, if you think when I was in that apartment in Bolden, I was thinking about podcasting or being on the Johnny Carson show or on late night with the late Dave Letterman,

I had no, nothing. I knew nothing about this, bro. You know, this was, I used to fucking giggle at Rogan. We first did it at night. I used to go, I'm not going over that. Really? I'm not going on. And I was clean and sober then.

I was just smoking dope. I'm not going over there. I'm not going over there. And look, look what happened. And Corolla and Mark Marion. Fucking tremendous lineup at the store last night. Just enough to scare the pants off you. Really?

And I can't lie to you. Lee, I got a little fucking anxiety again. God damn it. Not nowhere near last week. Nowhere near last week. Do you think you were just nervous about it because of last week in L.A. It was packed. And I have no idea what I fucking said.

I just had a great time on stage. And I guess that's the fucking bottom line. It's just to have a great time on stage and be loose like Tony in motherfucking 84. Anyway, you want to be loose? You got to have good underwear. You understand me? That's when me undies come in. The fucking quality, the craftsmanship, the way they fit,

how comfortable they are. Oh, my fucking God. And you know what? I don't wear them with jeans just because the jeans cover everything. I'm going from point. point B, but if I'm doing jujitsu, something athletic, I put my Miondi's on, the nut stay intact, not too much sweat, keeps everything dry,

and you know what, man, go to Miondi's.com. Look at all the fucking selections. They got a men's and women's underwear, t-shirts, cut off sweats, long sweats. They got some cool-ass shit, man. Go over to Miondi's. Take a look. You know I'm not messing with you.

What else, Lee? You have anything else to say about Miondi's? I ain't... And you're right, dude, especially if you do-do-jit-to, if you don't have the right under one, you're going to have to readjust anything. If you don't do anything, you have to readjust. If you're on a bike

at the gym and you're trying to warm up and you're peddling, your nut always pops out of your left side or your right side. Fuck that. Meandis. Go to meondis.com right now and press in. Joey. And get 20% off in Canada and the United States. But I had no idea. Girls didn't like

when you scratch. We were out there the other week and I was doing it just outside of the bench. Paul looked at me like, I was crazy. Yeah, women don't like, nobody likes me. Women will never scratch and nothing in public. That's why you've got to give them credit. We're the only animal that we have an inch.

You only control it. We're not going to get up and go all the way to the fucking bat to pull a nut out. Sometimes a nut gets tucked in by mistake. You ever have a debt? And you're sitting there. You're not in pain. Sometimes I'm uncircumcised.

A tarot neck gets caught sometimes. I've got to sit there with it tucked in and have a conversation with somebody. I think I feel. Like that. But anyway. Where does it get caught? Right inside the turonet.

Like the skin and the helmets halfway, like a little sausage. And it gets caught, and it feels weird. Anyway, go to Meandis.com right now and press in. Joey. And get a great selection of underwear for men, women, sexy women's stuff. I'm telling you, this is the bunged big of me. I wouldn't be fucking letting you motherfuckers know how good Miandis were. They weren't that good.

What are they pressing? Joey. And 30% off and free. free delivery. But I wish it was bong bigotty. Bomb digity. That's what I meant to say, a little cotton mouth. It's like I've been in Biafra all fucking night.

On it, tremendous. You know why I ate these edibles? Because I pop this alpha brain. Like, they're going out of fucking style. You understand me? I go on alpha brain cycles. You're like, Joey, what's alpha brain? You told me about it last week.

I'll tell you, it's a complete earthgrown neotropic with alpha gpc and AC-11. Don't ask me what are they? is, go on fucking the computer, and you'll see how good this stuff is. You know how good it is? They give you 100% money back guarantee and they don't even want the product back. That's how strong fucking on it is, okay? This starts with alpha brain. This is like the pork fried rice of their products. If this is nothing, why would you go anywhere else? Start with this. Right here, Alpha Brain. If not, get the hemp protein. I love that stuff with a little banana in there, a couple ice cubes, bam, some peanut butter, the best chocolate tasting protein out in the market.

Number three, the chronic. What is it? The stuff for your lungs. The mushrooms. I can't know. Shroom Tech Amuel and Shroom Tech Sport. Tremendous. Pre-workout type stuff. I'm telling you, just do me a favor.

Go to Honit.com. They'll give you descriptions. Arby's doing a great job. Go to Honet.com right now. You're going to look at the great selection of supplements. They got battle ropes. They got kettlebells. I can't do nothing for you there.

I can only help you on the supplement. Whether it's the MCT oil or the testosterone boot. Listen, go to Oner. On it.com right now and press in. Church. Boom. And get 10% off your first order. They also have to stay on the program.

I mean, they're all over the computer. Start your life today. Start on it right now. You're like, but Jerry, but what type of snacks you got? You got any of those stars at that? I can't fucking help you. You live in Ohio. I can't fucking help you.

But I tell you what I will get you. I'll get you some snacks. Nutritionist delicious delicious snacks. Nutritional is to prove. You don't have to eat fucking garbage no more. You don't have to eat fucking processed shit. this is tremendous snacks. You understand me?

Whether it's the chocolate nom-noms, whether it's those motherfucking French toast pretzels, they got some stuff that's revolutionary over there. Don't make me talk about the sarashi cashews. Don't make me talk about what else, Lee. Don't make me talk about what else. The chocolate, the nom-noms, the corn kernels? The corn kernels, the cocoa almonds.

Listen, every day they're adding new stuff over there, whether it's the plantains, from the South Pacific, or the garlic plantains. Every week they're at. and the shit that you go, God damn, this stuff is great. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to give you a sample box on the arm gratis for free

because that's how I roll. You understand me? Free on the arm, five bags. Two big ones, three little ones. Take a look at the Sorachi cashews. Take a look at the chocolate non-moms and take a look at what else they got on there. You're going to find five bags you're going to love.

And after that, don't even email me and thank me. That's how good this stuff is. But it all starts with you. Go to naturebox.com right now. Pick out five items. and what are they going? Go to naturebox.com slash Joey. Slash Joey and you get a fucking free

Naturebox.com sample box. Five bags delivered straight to your house. Gratiss. You got to pay for delivery charges with a buck 90 leave. You're lucky. You know, stop complaining, all right? They're giving you two free nights of snacks

while you're there smoking dope for free and now you want to complain about a little dollar 90 you cheap fuck. Anyway, go to naturebox.com right now and press in. Naturebox.com slash Joey. Boom. And there you have it. But who?

Don't go nowhere. A couple weeks ago, I got a little box in Blue Apron. I cooked up both meals, and I retweeted the pictures just to show you. Between you and me, you guys know I'm half-retarded. You do know that I'm fucked up. I can't cook. My wife had a help me. But I did it, and I did it because that's how I roll, all right?

I wanted to really give Blue Apron a try before I busted your people's balls. Let me tell you what Blue Apron does. They deliver fine, fresh ingredients, and step-by-step recipes. You could be a fucking complete momo. They deliver it right to your home, allowing you to create handcraft meals at your home without going to the fucking grocery store. These fucking products refreshing there.

I'm not bucksing your balls. The lemons, and they deliver everything. Like if they deliver a fish, fish, they'll come with two lemons, two, the pepper to put it to everything. Now, this is for less than $10 the meal. Blue apron will send you the ingredients perfectly proportionate,

making cooking fucking healthy meals easy as shit. No trips to the grocery store because you forgot this. No one used this. Now I got nothing. Everything is to the fucking dot. Blue Apron is perfect for dating night. Let's say you meet a chick, you want impress her over. You tell her yourself you're a half a moron,

but you can still make a little fucking Blue Apron Dick. It's perfect for cooking with friends and even family plan. Let's say you're fucking divorced and you're a loser and the kid comes over to spend the night. You could impress him. They got kids friendly ingredients to the whole family can eat well

and you have fun preparing the meals together. Each meal is 500 calories. Five to 700 I'm sorry for serving and it's fucking tasty. The two meals I had two weeks ago were tremendous. The fish and the steak, whatever it was, Tartar, tremendous. And this is what they got this week, all right?

Flat iron steak, Romano, bean, and barley risotto. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Stir fried Seshwan eggplant Who's ever fucking done nothing like that You know who?

Blue Apron But don't take it from me All right Do me a favor We're gonna hook you up With two free meals By going to

Blue Apron.com slash joey That's right Blue Apron.com slash Joey My treat Really the first two meals are on me When you go to

Blue Apron.com slash Joey All right dot com slash Joey So there you have it You have on it Meondies.com, Naturebox, and Blue Apron. I'm booking you up with two free fucking something

somewhere along the box. Don't bother me no more, all right? Who hooks you up with nothing? At least you take an earbeat and you get something for free. Right or wrong. If you're going to take the earbeaten from Uncle Joey and from fucking Lee Syatt, you might as well get a nature box or a nice blue apron, two dinners on me, all right? And that's it. I'm going to Atlanta, cock suckers. I love you guys with all my heart.

Thank you for another fun-filled week here, myself, and Lee Syatt. We're over here trying to make your hour more enjoyable, man. That's all we're trying to do. Right, cocksucker? Always. All right. Look at this poor bastard. I just love the idea.

Hey, you're divorced. You're living in a small apartment. Your life's over. I've been there. Blue Apron. I'd been there. If I would have had Blue Apron, I would have been a fucking bed of dad. I probably would have been there right now.

Not doing a podcast. Jumping up and down when you fucking moboops. You know, I love you. Have a good weekend. I'll see you Monday afternoon. Monday night. We're a great fucking guest next week. Episode 300, next Wednesday, 2 o'clock.

300 episodes, Lee. That's crazy. 300 episodes, people. Thank you for taking the fucking crazy ride with us. We'll see you next week. 5 a.m. What are you doing? You're not going to close it out.

I am. Right now. The show is brought to you by Blue Apron. Blue Apron sends gourmet recipes and all the fresh ingredients you need to make them right to your door. Our listeners get their... first two meals free. Just go to blue apron.com slash Joey and start cooking incredible meals at home with Blue Apron. Blue Apron.com slash Joey. Now that the show is over, don't forget to go to naturebox.com

and sign up to get your free sample box of great tasting, healthy snacks. Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like barbecue kettle kernels. Go to naturebox.com slash joey. That's naturebox.com slash joey. Also go to meundies.com slash joey and check out the men's and women's underwear they have t-shirts, socks, shorts. When you go to meandies.com slash joey, they're going to give you 20% off of your first order with free shipping in the United States and Canada. And go to onit.com and use co-worked church to get 10% off all of their great optimization problems.