The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #316 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: September 11, 2015

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/joey to get your first two meals free   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   
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It's one of those motherfucking days. It's hot. It's humid. It don't fucking matter. It's the church. That's what fucking matters. day, September 10th, here the United States got his motherfucking balls back, you understand me? Get that eagle going. We're going deep today. Lee Syatt,

your uncle Joey, and that's it. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Get your blood going, shoot some heroin. Do whatever the fuck it is that gets your dick hard. Today's your lucky day, cuckuckers. Generals gathered in their masses Fucking tremendous

You want to stab somebody I'll put this on backwards Shit will happen You understand me Next thing you'll wake up And they're gonna knife in that fucking eyeball You don't even know what happened What's going on, cock licker

So I was getting into that song Nothing, you saved jiu jihitsu for me today I just hope you know that You saved jiu jitsu for me? Why? Because I, like, I know we talked about a podcast or two ago but there's nothing I've wanted to do more since I started kettlebells than to quit Jiu-Jitsu and I understand I know why people like it and I can see that it's great but I just

I'm terrible and I go to get beat up and it's just it was had a hard time so I was really and once we started kettlebells I was just loving that so I'm going to quit Jiu-Jitsu because nobody's beating you up no one well you beat me up but so we we went I wasn't even going to go today I was going to go later and then you said you had it early one and like I got it today. Like I still don't love it. But I've always... How much did you just sweat?

A ton. Was your t-shirt sweats? Was your ghee wet? Everything. You were there for an hour and you were on the floor for 30 minutes. Yeah, but we were there for like kettle bells. And then we did five or six sets of kettlebells. You did the best workout you've done in a year because you mix cardio and you meant to mix

a little strength training and you mix good cardio pushing a fat motherfucker off you. Well, I mean, it was a hard workout. But that's not why. I mean, I've had harder workouts at other jih Tzu classes. It's amazing how much, and this goes for everything, how much the person teaching you or the person you're listening to affect something. It's kind of like how, like, with like religion, how like there's crazy preachers and there's normal preachers. And then good podcast hosts and bad podcast hosts.

I've had good teachers with Jiu-Jitsu, but it's why I click with Yogi Steve. I really, I dug what John was saying, and it was a small, I don't do well when there's a lot of people. Like, I need, I'm terrible. I need a little bit more focused attention. And it just was great. And I, it was something that I think I could do from now on, like neon, because that's what I was told. Since I was such short fucking arms, like T-Rex arms, that I'm going to be better on top. So neon belly just, I was like, what is this?

Like, it's something I can actually kind of do. And it's, I don't have to wrap my arms around. somebody. Everybody, Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah. There's people that do it with no fucking legs. Yeah. Because you still, it's a great exercise. I'm fucking lazy. I was scared the first

year. I used to go once a week. I used to put my Gion and not go. Really? I wanted to do that. I used to put my Gion, get in the car, drive, and go around the corner and go home and tell my wife some story how it started already and I felt embarrassed going in. And then you know

how bad I'd feel about myself? You know how bad I felt about not going? Why? And I go in there and see 16 people in there because I felt worse not going than what I felt going. Like the embarrassment of not being able to breathe and not doing the hip escapes that everybody else is doing. And not being able to do all that shit, that's a form of embarrassment. But the form of embarrassment of not showing up at all, I'm not trying, that's the worst feeling I ever get. whether I cancel a gig

when I don't do something I'm supposed to do I feel horrible about myself What does it feel like? Like I fucking failed because I was supposed to do something Period, that's it Period. There's no two ways about it You know, we all, I remember I joined When I was a kid, I went to karate religiously

There wasn't nothing I went right from school, walked to karate in Manhattan Yeah, because there's five days a week Monday and Saturdays. And the only way I knew to get better and to learn because what do you want? You want personal attention. You're not going to

be able to walk into any place and wait to the class as over and go, yo, teach. Can you help me with this? But if the teacher sees you raising your hands and confused during the classroom on the way out, if he's a good fucking teacher, if he has not another class coming in, he'll sit with you for 10 minutes

and break it down for you. Anybody who sees a human being trying and doesn't help him is not a human being right and I don't need a one-on-one private but it was it was like there were like three people there I think including me and the and then four for the teacher and it was just a little like I I'm I'm not the kid who always asked questions in class like when you're supposed to leave but something like this I feel bad I try to I try to not to but I ask a thousand because I don't know anything about it thousand questions then you got to go home and get on YouTube right is that Nick Gregorius There's a couple people that take jujitsu to the beginning, and you'll put,

jujitsu's like everything else. It's like a fucking, it's like a chef, okay? You know what, man, Lee? Fuck podcasting. Fuck motherfucking stand-up comedy. Fuck all this nonsense. I'm going to become a chef. Okay?

So I go to Valley College. I sign up for the chef program, okay? Okay. They teach me how to make a chocolate cake. Right. A certain chocolate pie. I'm just making something up here. Let's say apple pie.

I love apple pie. I'm a fat fuck. I love eating apple pie, and I want to make the best apple pie in the world. They're going to teach me how to make the best apple pie. But then I'm going to go to your mother's house for Thanksgiving, and your mother's going to give me a piece of her apple pie. I'm going to pull her aside and go, what the fuck are you putting here?

And then I'm going to start stealing her recipe. And then I'm going to go to somebody else's house, and they're going to turn me out to some other apple pie, and I'm going to go what's in here. And eventually, I'm going to learn how to put it all together. Right. And that's what happens with Jititua. I learn a little bit from Eddie Bravo.

I learn a little bit from salami. I learned a little bit from Nick Gregorius I learned a little bit from Joe Whatever his name is the big Gracie The guy that's in London The big tall guy I watched him in my whole game change

Because I realize you're in no rush That's my biggest problem right now What's the right? Yeah everybody Everybody who's new was spastic Because you see them doing it so easily Or it looks so easy And like I just I just always try to do it all right away

But that's the biggest You're starting from the beginning The way you would start from the beginning getting or anything. Right. I bet there were days at 6 o'clock in the other fucking office when we were in your house. You didn't like podcasting. You dread it going in that because there's growing pains.

There's growing pains and everything. No matter how much I dig you, if I got a restaurant, I go, come in. I'm going to teach you from scratch. What are you going to get behind the line and learn how to cook chicken for your Antino? No. I'm going to make you wash dishes for two weeks. Then I'm going to make you coming early one day and learn how to make the sous chef,

learn how to make the sauces and how to prep cook, cut the onions and you're going to go, Joey. What the fuck? You lied to me. You told me you're going to teach me how to fucking cook. I'm teaching you how to cook, dog. But you want me to overcome everything, oversee all the little things that you really need, that you really need. Trust me, if I don't teach you how to cut an onion, when we get 200 deep, how you're going to cut an onion.

Right. Cut some onions for a few weeks. Learn from these guys. Then I'm going to move you up a little on the, and you're going to learn how to put chicken breast on the grill and steaks on the grill. And then little by little, I'll teach you how to put it all together. Same thing. And this is what anything. Was it the same when you were growing up that it's just like, because I feel like, I don't know if it's movies or our parents or whatever it is, but when I came out here, I knew, you know, you know you're going to have to start out at the bottom, but I just think you don't know what the bottom is.

Like, say, oh, I'm going to go apprentice at a restaurant. You know you're going to have to do some things, but after six months that when you're there at midnight scraping pans, you're like, what am I doing this for? But what is? But I like, I understand why. why you do it, but it's, was that something that was, like I felt like it's a newer thing, but is it, I didn't know if it's going on forever. Sacrifice has always been something

at every fucking body's life. To get to that place where they need to be, you've got to sacrifice something. Right. Some of us are very lucky. But no matter what, you're going to do shit. They're going to make you do shit that somebody else doesn't need to do it. Oh yeah, no, but did they do that? Did people know that when you're growing up?

Or I feel like, yeah. I feel like kids these days don't know. I think people don't know now. Well, listen. People know, but they don't want to know. Right. How many times have you, when you were 16, you bumped into somebody, a baseball player. Whatever. Hey, man, how many years did you play in the minor leagues?

If he tells you eight, you're like, eighth. Right, yeah. What'd you do for eight? I can't do fucking eight. We never could think we could do the time to learn to be something. I'm surprised that when we're 18, we even go to college because it's a four-year commitment. It's huge. A lot of people don't, like,

there's the thing now to do like a leap, a gap year, I guess is the word. And it's, the problem is, is, like, at least for me, I was so ready to get going. I would never, like, you couldn't have convinced me of that if you, if you gave me a million dollars. But looking back on it, it would, like, it does seem smart to go at least for a year, if not a couple. But it just, I feel like there's a lot of pressure to go to a good college and go by the way. When I go, Lee, you got two options. You got three options. You ready?

You could either go work, you go to college full time. Got it. You could go work for your uncle at the car dealership or you could go to college or you go to service. Right. All four-year programs. All four-year programs. Because let me tell you something.

Yeah, you're going to make money in the car business after 90 days. You're going to make money. I made money in my first month. But do you really know it? You're going to go into a transition period where you think you know everything and then you're going to realize that you were way better off when you were stupid.

because you didn't know anything. And people believe when you tell them, I don't know that answer, but we'll find out inside. Let me ask you this. What would it take for you to drive this home? Well, what's the air pressure on the tires? I have no idea. I'll find that out inside.

But let me ask you this. What would it take that car home? Well, what's the capacity of the trunk? Again, I'm pretty new here. I just started yesterday. And you've been there a year and a half. I started yesterday. I don't know nothing.

But let's go inside and we'll get the information. You follow me? You're going right back. You've got a. fucking learn everything. I know I wouldn't want I would never want to walk into anything and somebody say

you're a chef and there's people that have been training for six years they're going to despise me and number two they're going to show me up because they've been doing this. Right. You got to start in the bottom with everything. When I fucking start a comedy

the reason when I got into comedy at the time was because I had done everything already. There was nothing I wanted to do. I laid tile. I estimated roof. I bartended. I fucking laid brick. I fucking built

scaffolds. I quit when we got to the third floor because I was scared of heights. I've done it all. I've quit more fucking jobs than you can imagine. I was your typical fucking loser that was going to end up at Subway Sandwich when I was 50, you know, because I fucked around.

I always was looking for that answer. There's no answer. The answer is you want to really cover your ass? You work hard. You get to know something. and then you could take your chances because no matter what, you know something. If tomorrow, Mercy was 10,

and I bring Mercy in here to fucking fuck around with this computer and do the podcasting and fix the microphones, when she's 18, she's going to be Cassius Morris. Yeah. She's going to know everything about this without even knowing. But see, that's also the point. So Cassius Morris has been doing this for six years, whatever, 10 years. When he gets here, he's going to have to start at the bottom.

And that's what I think is tough about. Not really. Kind of, though. At least. Not really. That eight years did something. That eight years put Cassius Morris in the middle level. Listen, if I would have came here when I first started comedy or when I came here at the six year mark,

which six years to come to our life for a guy like me, that was very too soon. Because I was far from being ready to move to LA as a comedian. Wow. Really? But when I came here, because I did the triple runs and I hosted that triple and I just something, I knew 30% of the people, which made my journey a little easier. I knew Doug Stanhope to get me into the store. I knew James Stevens III.

I knew Josh Wolfe. I had friends down here. Me doing comedy before, edged me into some rooms. I saw people go, oh, shit, I remember you from Seattle. Come on. Go up to 9th. You follow him? No, he'll definitely go ahead fast because people, after a week, people will wait.

You're 18 and you're doing this. Right. But they blow so much smoke up your ass in college about how great the school is and how great of an education you're getting. So when you leave college, you're like, I don't want to be a mailroom guy. I have all this great expensive education now. Don't be a mailroom guy and see how fast you get your head handed to you after a few years. So you still have to. But what I say to the same mentality.

That if I would have stayed at VMAG, if I would have said, fuck this. The podcast stays at 6 a.m. and every Monday, win place a show, and every Friday when I'm in town, just do those two days. I'm going to go to Marcello's class because he does tire throwing. He does all that shit we do in kettlebell class

at the end or the beginning of class. To get you tired, so when you do Jiu-Jitsu and you learn Jiu-Jitsu, you learn how to do it from technique, not strength. So you're not jumping on people. You're not tackling him. You learn how to do everything with finesse. And then it gives you muscle memory.

And the next time you're in that position. So that's why he ties you. out first to get your muscles tired. So when you do jih Tutsu, you learn how to do technique. I've heard about it. If I would have stayed in that class right now, I would have been walking around at 245. You think so?

I know so. The first time I walked into VMAQ, if I would have. But things happened, I still stuck with Jiu-Jitsu, but I just didn't take his classes. There were 8 o'clock. By 8 o'clock, I really have no energy. By 8 o'clock, I have energy to do a regular class. but by 8 o'clock I don't have the energy to do the jumping jacks the burpees and then a regular class I'm not going to lie to anybody here I'm just going to hurt myself somewhere along the line it's a late class my focus is a little gone

I've already smoked 18 joints my mind has been raced through ideas I'm burnt out right at 8 o'clock I got a set left left because I bump into people and they make me talk do you know what I'm saying that gives you energy that gives me energy absolutely that's why I don't know that I go on stage to people. That's a little, put the air on, brother. There is a. Full blast? Yeah. Holy shit.

It's fucking getting hot of this. Edibles kicking in, Jack. Either or something that's going to happen. I'm kind of cold. Yeah, that's why when I go to those places, I want to have human contact 10, 15 minutes before I go on stage. A certain human contact. Not let's take a picture and let me add.

No, no, no, no. I want to have some conversation with a peer or a friend that I know. and maybe get into a slight argument about something. That'll really put me. Do you ever pick arguments? Like just when you're about to go on stage? Really? Absolutely.

That's hysterical. I used to always yell at Joe and Brian for having matching phones. Look, what would you say? What the fuck is wrong with you motherfuckers? Look at you. You're like two fucking girls. And Joe would know he wouldn't take the bait. Red band would go, why is he yelling?

Is he crazy? We didn't even start this fight. And Joe would go watch what's going to happen. Bub, but boom, and he'd go, I didn't get it. For him to fucking do well, he's got to get a little pissed off and something stupid. Shoes, somebody's shoes, somebody's haircut. You know, like, in the back of my mind, I say that it's bringing me bad luck.

Like, why are you wearing that shirt, dog? You give me bad luck before. And you're, like, sitting there, like, feeling bad. I don't want anybody to feel bad if I torture you before I go on stage. It's just something I do to get me fired up. Like, you had to wear those fucking shoes? Tonight. You had to wear those fucking shoes.

today. You know, like if you came to a show with Paul after you made those things. Yeah. Oh, I did, yeah. What were those classes?

The crapes? Crapes, I'd destroy you. Like, you came here with fucking crepes. You did. But then you ate them. But then I ate them.

That's right. After I got on stage. You brought me the cheese one and shit. That's fucking interesting. I have to. I have to bite my, I have to get a little fired up about something.

Do you have like any of these other specific people? Sometimes it's just the fucking color of the wall in the room. I'll just start yelling. If I'll just start yelling, If I'm alone in a room, I just start going, what the fuck is your problem? Oh, no, I didn't. But I meant, like, is there, like, someone who's always at the store, who just, you would always go after? Or just, like, beat up for a new.

Like, how you used to mess with Bobby Slayton. Could be anybody. It could be somebody wearing slippers. It could be a woman with a miniskirt. I'll ask her, what the fuck she's thinking? It's 10 o'clock at night. There's rapist out there. What the fuck?

And still look at me, like, what are you saying to me? Why are you saying these things to me? Because I'm just getting fired up to go on stage. If not, that's when I get anxiety. Oh, if you don't get fired up? If I don't get fired up, the anxiety wins. That's where the anxiety comes from. I end up winning.

The anger ends up beating the anxiety eventually. The anxiety just drills me to get angry. Is that what you feel on stage, angry? Fuck, yes. Not angry, but I'm venting. I'm letting this anxiety out of my body. There's a brain fart that happens before I go on stage. It's the week's event sitting in the back brewing.

And every plus the anger I had grown up, So every week I let a little more out. You know what I'm saying? Like every week a little bit more comes out. So I'm giggling on stage. I know you're telling jokes, so you're trying to be funny? Yes. But are you happy?

Or is it like you're yelling at like your wife, but she's not even there? I'm happy. But I have to go to a certain place to make that joke work. When you go to Judy Carter's workbook, again, I know you motherfuckers. I'm going to break my balls. Fuck you, Joey, who's Judy Carter? Again, she has a worksheet in that. And she writes down, this is very interesting because I, guys, this is why the beginning is so important,

because you might look at something in the beginning of any career that's so stupid, but in the middle, after it gets, doesn't it get, and it doesn't get explained to you, you figure it on your own, and you go, oh, now I get why I have to put my foot there. Fuck, you know, fuck, do I feel like a fucking jerk off? That's why I don't question none. Just shut your fucking mouth. Put that finger. Put that fucking finger there. Do it. Now roll. Oh, how bad was that? And you feel like a fucking jerk off.

So the same thing. When you look at that Judy Carter workbook, she gives you exercises to do. And there's one of them that after I realized the exercise, I do it all the time. You ready? Go for it. Ten things you fucking hate. Hit me with the first one. If I had to tell you in a list from one to ten, what's the number one fucking thing you hate? Okay. What do you hate the most?

I don't care. Broccoli. People will cut you off. Yeah, people who park like assholes. That bothers you. That's the number one thing in your life that bothers you the most. You just said broccoli was an example. I don't know.

Broccoli's like number eight. I don't fucking know. Yeah, sure. That's all that's for my answer for right now. For right now. So if I gave you a tape recorder and shut my mouth, I said, I want you to give me all the reasons why you hate when Joey tortures you about watching TV.

What's in his business? What I do? It's fucking Friday night. I'm with my girlfriend. I'm fucking relaxing. I went to the gym four times. Right there, if you say that on stage, that's what they want to hear. Have you been bugging this office?

No, I just know. So do you understand? They don't want to hear. I really hate peas and my pork fried rice because you don't. It's something that bothers you, but you still fucking eat it. I'm talking about when you think about it, you get thunking air. angry. What is it, Lee, when people don't take your fucking cool? And the reason, the thing that makes it the funniest is that we all have something that bothers us that, come on, get over

yourself. It should not bother us. It has nothing to do with our lies. But at one time in our life, we let it go into that special dark place, and now every time we think, and it could be somebody cutting you all, Lee's been in the car with me. I don't care what you're doing a car. Just do me a favor. Have common sense. We're not even talking about being smart here. I don't care what your IQ is. Having an IQ and common sense, two different fucking worlds. Common sense is, you know,

people are going to go around me. Why am I double parked in the fucking left lane? What kind of fucking human being in my mind? Let me pull over. You know, little things. You know what? I want to finger my girlfriend. Let me get a parking spot. Instead of double parking and a slow on people, there's little things that you could talk about that you

just, hey, you go to a restaurant and the fucking waiter asks you three times and it really bugs you, but you can't blow up. It just takes you to like six before you start yelling and then you cool off on your own. That's it. That thing that you, if you went on stage

and said, fucking Joey Diaz, fuck him and his fucking no watching TV. I work on a week. I got a other thing. I fuck Paul. I went there and I clean. I do the office. I want to go home and watch nine episodes. The fucking whatever I watch and people are like, what the fuck is he talking about? They start laughing

from your energy because it's, yes, it's the words that come out of your mouth, but it's also the fucking energy how you're saying. It's not what you say. It's how you say it. Lee, you know what? You're a Jew, motherfucking, a Nazi fuck.

Jesus should have burnt you in that fucking camp, okay? We just laughed. We just fucking laughed. We're also extremely high. But you're ready? Yes. You know what, Lee? You're a miserable Jew fuck. I hope fucking Hitler should have burned your whole fucking family. Right there, that's

an offensive thing. But if I said, someone saved that for this when I sue you. You're a miserable fucking Julie and Hitler should have burnt your own family. It's two ways of saying that that's comedy and that's the things you learn by doing open mics. You're not going to go up on stage because you read a Judy Carter workbook or because Sarah Silumann talked to you. You're not going to cut. You're not going to make that shortcut in comedy. Not if you want to get into the level.

And this is where anything. whether you play the piano, whether you play the drums. Well, buddy Rich taught me how to play the... I don't give a fuck. You've still got to play 12 hours a day. You get Paul McCarthy, you get all those great guitarists, and you pull them into a room in different rooms, and you interview them.

And you put their mother in the fucking room, and you tell them, tell them how long you rehearsed. And the moms will say he was to get home at three, eat a sandwich, and go into a garage till dinner time, do homework, and then go back out there to 11. That's all he did. Right. That's what I mean...

That's all you did. That's all you have to do, but then how do you feel as a comic who's put in 20 years and did that work? But then there are people who can skip the line. And even though they're not going to be as good, they're still working. Like, there's still clubs who are going to hire them. Somewhere along the line. Somewhere along the line, they're going to... I'm going to have something.

Then experience overlaps everything. I'm going to get you with experience every fucking time. I don't care what you say. say 10 years ago if I went on stage and I was bombing I bombed now if I'm bombing and I flip it I'm 50%. That means I get myself out of dark situations. You know who's the master of getting themselves

out of a dark situation? Who? Joe Rogan. There was nobody in the comedy game that loves to be in a dark situation and could get out of it as good as Joe Rogan, nor the comic in the game. I haven't seen Bill Burr do it. You know what I'm saying? Like I haven't seen Bill Burr get pushed I don't work with Bill Burr enough. Right.

Sebastian, because he's a comedy store comic, but Joe Rogan wants to open up in a hole. That's why I opened for Joe Rogan all those years. That's his discipline. And that's what makes a killer comedian. They want to start in the minus. Why? Anybody could start on a 35-yard line.

Joe Rogan wants to start on minus 20 and drive down the field down your fucking throat. So when he shoves that touchdown, down your throat you're gonna laugh the way you did at the end of that joke last week when you were giggling he was on top of the fucking bar stool There's few comedians that could handle that type of ego check I can handle it I'd do it all the fucking time I bomb what people don't know is I bombed 50% of the time and all these last night I ate dick Really? Yeah Jim Florentine that room down there I ain't fucking dick

I try you know I just talked there was 35 people But I showed up up. I did try something I wanted to try. And I went home. That was the comparison. You know what I'm saying? I don't mind being in a hole. I've had to follow Joe Rogan for the last fucking month at the comedy store. You're in a hole. And the first time that I had to do it, it threw me off a little bit. But after that, I came back with a vengeance because I went home and I thought about it. Most people would have called in sick or canceled their spot after that. I look forward to it now. because it's going to make me a better comic on the road.

I've worked with a thousand comedians who are going to remain nameless that will not work with heat in front of them to make themselves look better. I think that's a flaw. There's tons of comics who will fucking in their writer will put that they don't want to work with a dirty comic in the middle or somebody very funny. They don't want to do it. Bro, last year I worked with a cat in Michigan that was blowing me out of the wall. every night, some skinny cat from Chicago

that's loud and crazy like me. And I went up there and finished the job. But if I didn't have the comedy store, Marine training I had, he would have killed me every night. He would have killed me every night. He was that strong. Most people would have had that kid fired or switched around or told

to switch his jokes up. Most people would go back home that night and call the club the next morning and say, hey, I want him to remove this joke, this joke, this joke. Anything not to make that guy. guy funny. If I told you guys the names of the comedians that did that to me, you guys would shit your fucking pants. You guys would shit your pants. That's why when you see a cat like Joe Rogan or Ari Shafia or Duncan Truffel or even a little fucking guy from Columbus, Ohio,

called Red Band, because Red Band will go after me every fucking night. Go up to Red Band and go Red Band, who do you want to follow? Johnny DeS. He doesn't care if he bombs because he knows. He knows that he's going to bomb ten times. And then for every 10 times that he follows me, he's going to do good one time. Then two times, then three times, then four times, then five times. And guess what? Joey D. is going to have a hard time following that motherfucker. And that's the way life is.

You don't want to follow punks. You want to look at the baddest dude in the room and say, I want to follow him. And you got to take, that's the discipline. That's the discipline. That's the discipline, Jiu-Jitsu teaches you. That today, when I was on top of you, Lee, I could have taken your fucking life. at that moment, but I didn't. And you know I could take your life.

Now it makes you a tougher person. That's why I'm telling you, you're going to sit in this town and do the goals you want to hit and the things you want to do. You're going to go to Jiu-Jitsu twice a week because you're going to be a winner if you do this. Because at 27, by the time you're 35,

they can't stop and you're going to see everything coming at you. And the discipline you have from Jiu-Jitsu is going to carry over into your personal life, which means that 801, because you're a fucking Jew from the old country, you're going to be with a pen and a piece of paper figuring out somebody's career, somebody's next special. That's what a manager does.

They don't wait for shit to come to them. They get up and go, you know what? What can I do from my client? How am I going to wake my client up with good news today? You think there's that much correlation between Jiu-Jitsu and your personal life? Why do you think I have stayed with Jiu-Jitsu for the last two years because it's helped my comedy? How long did it take you to see a difference?

90 days. Really? Everything flew together. I started Jiu-Jitsu six months before I went back to the comedy store. I started Jiu-Jitsu in May, no, like a year before I went back to the comedy store. I went back to the common store in August of 2014. Okay. I started Jiu-Jitsu in May of 2013.

Wow, some more than the year. But it all started coming together because I know to get better for me that I was going to quit Jiu-Jitsu. I couldn't breathe. I went to that place. I went to Dr. Bredici's Hypnotherapist. Oh, yeah, for the... Twice.

Twice. Yeah. And then I went for the fucking... I went to this clinic for $35. They were supposed to hypnotize me. They gave me better oxygen. It didn't work. It didn't stick.

The guy told me to come back for 18 sessions. I told him to shove that up his fucking ass. And I said, you know what? And then Dave presented that opportunity to me. So I started going to just jujitsu with him. And I'd be embarrassed as fuck, dog. First six or seven times, you didn't roll. He just worked on my hips, taught me how to move better on the floor, how to switch my legs, how to trap people's legs with your foot.

And then January, he started making me roll with him. It was brutal. He's fucking long-legged. I couldn't pass his guard. He would choke me. He would throw me up in the fucking air. You think I wanted to go see that guy? Are you fucking kidding me?

And I had to pay him. Who pays to get that torture? But I knew that if I stuck with it, if I stuck with it, it would help everything. else in my life. It let me realize how easy it is to take my fucking life, how somebody could take my life on the street. It makes you think about that? I haven't thought about that yet.

You think about that. I was on top of you today. You were turning purple. Really? If I was an evil person, I could have started choking you. I could have broken your neck. I could have done it. I could have sucked your dick, made you pass out and suck your dick and take a picture of you. I could have done thousands of things to you. You know what I'm saying? Maybe I shouldn't go to Jitza anymore. No, that's the problem.

point that you're leaving there alive every day and you're getting stronger, not your muscles, but your will. Everything around. And this is the same if you went to simple karate, if you went to karate and there was this one little white dude that was 15 and when you sparred, every day,

he kicked in the stomach, and you kick in your little chubby stomach will go, fop, blah, blah, after he kicked you. You wouldn't want to go after three days in a row. Yeah, after three days in a row, you wouldn't want to fucking go back to karate, right? Because he keeps kicking. No, and a 15-year-old. But you're going to go, you know what?

I'm going to go back to figure out why he gets that kick in. And then one day you're going to figure out how he gets it. And then when you're going to figure out how to counter it, how to block it and punch him in the fucking nose. So next time he throws that kick, he keeps his fucking hand down. These are all things, but they wouldn't happen unless you show the fuck up. I don't, bro, do you think I knew this at 26? I didn't know this until it was 30 fucking five.

Because remember, I started comedy at like 31. or something, but I didn't get sick. I thought it was like fucking once a month. And the rest will come to me on stage. It don't come to you. Trust me, it don't come to you unless you work on. You're not going to fucking go to Jiu-Jitsu

the third time and throw arm bars on motherfuck. Oh, because I seen Rich Franklin do it. No, you didn't. You're not going to, you know what I'm saying? You're going to try, but they're going to figure out a hole because you didn't see all this in the fucking YouTube video. They'll always leave something out. It's like an Italian mother with her sauce.

don't give you the recipe, but they always leave something out, so they always got you, you know what I'm saying? What you think you're dealing with here? Some novice cocksucker. I love that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Which one? Where Ray's mom puts the wrong label over a spice and gives it to Deborah with her sauce recipe. I told you. But then it's terrible.

I told you. Nobody gives you the right recipe. They give you everything except one thing. So they always got you by the thin and fucking fuzzies. You think you're dealing with a cocksuckerer. How are you feeling? I'm feeling good, man. So you're very excited.

It's the beginning. You and 80 other million Americans are very excited. I congratulate you. I know how excited you are. What have I done? Football. That's it. When we're going to hard summer.

Fucking went through hard. Just want to focus on the team. Fucking June you went in. You had no quarterback for the first four games. And then now look at you. Now you got a quarterback starting. What game is suspended him? Whatever one he chooses.

No, he's not suspended. Not even one game. No, Tom's focused on them. on beating the Pittsburgh Steelers and having a good season. What's the line? I have no idea. Well, what the fuck? I don't want you not look.

Where they're playing? They're playing in New England and it's raining. Oh, shit. Let's see. We're always, remember we used to do them on Sunday? And we picked every single wrong loser. That's it. I don't want to even fucking fuck.

I got to throw fucking salt my wounds for. Okay. The over and under is 55 and New England is favored by six and a half. God damn. Or it's seven at some places. God, it's fucking eight in New England. Probably. Yeah, it's eight in New England.

Seven and a half and eight in New England. What's a 55? That's a lot of points. I don't know, but, well, because it's raining, so there's not going to be good passing. Shit, that's what they're fucking setting you up with, cock liquor. Maybe, but we don't have, what do you think? We have good tight ends, but we don't have very many receivers this year. What would you do if this motherfucker went out tonight?

Yeah. And through four touchdowns. I'd pee my pants. It's going to be the best. Do you think he could do it tonight? Fuck, yeah. Okay. He could do it just to...

So 28 points right there. That's 28. They put up 21, the Steelers. They got a good offense. Yeah, that's close. Rothenberg is 150s, fatter than me now. Hold on one second.

What's up, everybody? I'm just teasing. You're on the podcast lot. I love you at all, my heart. Where are you at this weekend? Are you vacationing or jumping up and down? or cracking jokes? Like I said, you're pimping it big on the message I left.

You forget all about your Cubans. That's it. You're a big shot now. You're in Honolulu. You got the wife with you? How many months is she pregnant? Six months. Would you please tell her to call me I want to get on the podcast before she bust the nut, please?

This is the third fucking time I got to tell you, please. I don't want to disrespect you. I thank you, sir. Call me when you get back from Honolulu. I miss your cocksucker. All right. Be good. Be safe down there.

I think we should leave that in so people can hear what you're like on the phone. I don't give a fuck. You can leave it in. I want people to know what I'm like on the phone. I call them two days ago. It calls me back now, but he's in a 10-hour flight. You know, whatever the fuck. What are we talking about?

All football season. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, listen, after the tough summer, I mean, right now America's looking at this game. Like, if you live in New England right now, you're betting this game. You're bet in New England and the motherfucking under. You think so? It's raining. You just told me yourself.

It's raining. Well, I did. But then you just said they could throw 50 like nothing. 55. Yeah. What would it break down? It break down to 35 to 16, 35, 20. That's 55.

And they got to throw five fucking touchdowns. I don't know if that'll happen. And you know, I read part of that article yesterday. I hope it's not all true. Because if it gets really hard to like it. I'm always going to like him. I'm from Boston. That cheat motherfuckers, but it's American.

What do you want me to tell you? Listen, what's the thing in UFC? Now it's the fucking IV. Before that it was the steroids. Right. You know, with football, it's the fucking, listen, New England Patriots have always, Belichick has always been a fucking some sort of cheater. And I guarantee, Tso was Parcells.

I think, and here's the, it's not, you can't justify, like, to say everyone's doing it. That doesn't make it right, but I feel like it is happening. part that I just fucking figured out was Balichick was terrible in Cleveland and that now all of a sudden he's doing great. I love that he's doing great, but what were the allegations? They would send people into the other

locker room to get the list of the first 20 plays they were going to run, that they had a whole secret like bat cave with all like notes on coaches and teams and their signals and like they'd go the week before and tape all their signals.

Which wasn't illegal to O's six, I think, but then it's probably illegal, illegal because of us or because that's happening. They've been doing that for 30 fucking. That's what Cy Lawrence did. Yeah, and see, that's my point. That's what Ty Lawrence did for big-time colleges. Right. He basically, it was a consultant to tell you how to play that team, but basically he went

there with fucking pedophile binoculars and, you know, and a camera and a notebook and a piece of paper and wrote down everything. I think the issue is it's kind of like the, uh, weed dispensaries that get closed around here. It's the ones that are getting too successful and making too much noise. The Patriots won all the time. And by like landslides. And so that's probably going to, that could have pissed people off.

I don't know what the issue is, but. Listen, whether they're smoked, there's fire. Oh, yeah. They've already been nationally caught twice. And I'm not even mad at them. Like, I believe in football. I believe in all this shit. Because I know when it gets to that amount of billion.

of dollars, you always need an edge when you're playing that level of life. That picture you tweeted with Robert Kraft and the judge? You know, I'm not lying to you, people. When I tell you that, there's prior relationship, there's money, that guy, and he tricked everybody. I didn't even

read the article about New York or how he got that case in New York. But that's Jew shit. That's top-notch, Murray call this guy, call Cy and tell Cy to talk to the judge and see if he could put that case in New York to trick everybody.

No New York judge is going to overturn who guts. He's like the king of the American Jews. We're one of them. Listen, man, that level of money, you spend a lot of money. And here's the funny thing. With that level of money, I guarantee they have a

budget for cheating. Fuck yeah. And they call it something else, operations or what's the word when an economist comes in and analyzes the they have to call it something. Consulting.

If you look on their payroll, if you look through everything with a microscope and sit them down, there's $800,000 a year to go to somebody who goes to Chicago and takes pictures, not the week before, the year before that, that's all he does. Yeah.

It's counter-fucking intelligence. To keep it at that level of sports, you'd be an asshole not to. You'd be an asshole not to. And I guarantee, I'm not saying Robert Kraft was involved. I'm never saying that, I'm saying if you think Belichickson, I don't know what the article said. I think everyone's involved.

It's just, it's, uh, fuck, I had a point. What the fuck? What, what were you just talking about? New England Patriots and now I'm not mad and I'm not even thinking about it because it's bigger fist to fry in my life, but the whole situation. I was like, it made me think about the Ray Rice thing, about how they said that, like, they hadn't got it at the NFL office. They have all these investigators going and they have all, they definitely.

Like for stuff, any time they, and then they had this thing with Mike Martts where they made him release his statement saying the league did a good job. And then they even doctored his statement that they made him make. So I don't believe any of them anymore. That's in their corporations and they have to do what they have to do. Speaking of the corporation, something funny happened the other day. I got home the other morning. I went somewhere. I was running around, you know, it's been 100 fucking 10 here all week.

So by my house, it's tough to park in the afternoon. So I got to walk a long way where the fuck I was I had a walk I had like a suit on I don't know where the fuck I went Monday and I went home Took off the suit hung it up and just sat on the couch and watch air conditioner for two or three minutes just to sit in the air conditioner And I was scrolling through to see what it was on it's during the afternoon when the fuck do I watch TV at one in the afternoon And office and a gentleman was on you've never seen this movie I have not now As a kid I said it before I hated rich of gear fucking hate him because every girl liked Richard Gere. I'm like, who's this skinny little fucking weasel?

And then, you know what I'm saying? He did American jiggle. You know, like, running against Richard Gere? Oh, my God. When I was 18, I hated Richard Gier. I hated any guy that was good-looking like that and shit because they interfered in my fucking sabbtoir work. I already had problems.

I'm not a handsome dude, so I got a fucking sling from the left. And now I got a fucking incher. And now I got Richard Gier fucking fucking my world up at the movie theater with these freaks and shit. So I took this girl to the Mayfair To watch that fucking American jiggle And that movie walks around with no pants on I was doomed

I was doomed I was looking to finger on something It was wintertime Once she saw her ass And my ass there was no fucking comparison And I was like fuck this This ain't gonna fucking work I hated motherfucker

Richard Gere Then officer and a gentleman came out And it was like this big fucking movie And I still refused To go see fucking Richard Gere Like you bitch But then in 85, things got bad for me. You know, I had just stopped doing blow.

I was clean like maybe fucking four weeks. I'm hiding. I'm living in fucking, I'm living in fucking Creskill, New Jersey. And I'm working in the city as a bartender at 5 in the afternoon. So I would go into, I was Jones and for weed then. I didn't do blow, but I love marijuana. That's when I found love with marijuana when I was healing. In 85, like I had just gone through five years of Vietnam.

And here I was living in Creskill. I had no communication with none of my friends. None of them, except maybe Luke's. Nobody else knew where I was because I didn't want them lying. Now, Creskill was basically 25 miles from North Bergen, 30 miles, you know. Here I am like nothing. Like, nobody's looking for me like nothing. And I go into the city.

It's cold as fuck. I go to, I get high. I get a dime bag of weed or whatever the fuck. it was a nickel bag and I'm walking on on 181st Street and also I see double feature Thief of Hearts and American Jiggle.

I'm like, Jesus, Jesus, Christ, I'll just see Thief of Hearts. You know who Thief of Hearts had in it? Who? Your buddy who sat in this chair a couple months ago, Stephen Bauer. Oh, shit.

So that was Stephen Bauer's first mistake. Remember he was sitting here going that how this and that, the movies, he fucking died with this one. That was his first doom. After Scarface he turns down top gun, but he signs on for this movie with some

Scotchad, where they rob him and the Red Dog, him and the guy from With the Skachad? You know, like a fucking moron, right? Him and this fucking red dog. What's Red Dog's dog's name? Nick the Toll calls him Red Dog from Miami CSI. Oh, okay.

I'll look it up. That fucking guy. We're in this movie where they play thieves, and they break him to this guy's house, some fucking Mormo there with glasses like some artist type. David Caruso. David Caruso. This is

1984 people. I'm dropping some serious movie fucking knowledge on you. It's fucking 10, it's got to be 10 degrees. The winds are coming off to Hudson Lee. Off the fucking Hudson. I walk into the movie theater.

It's probably 10 after 1. I watch Steve for Harts with Stephen Bauer, Dave Caruso, some other guy and some chick. I'm dying. This movie's fucking terrible. But what are my options? I'm going to walk out in that dead of winter with no friends? Fucking, no. I said, you know what? This was bad. How bad could the officer and gentleman be?

And I'm sitting there. You know, at this time, Lee, I was not talking to my stepdad. I had gone to war with my uncle, all the people, my family in Miami was mad at me. 90% of North Bergen was mad at me I was homeless I had just had a place to stay in Creskell I just was building up my esteem like I was I wasn't snort and blow

I was just getting to be at 50% who the fuck I was as a man you know like I would sit there and go what happened to this piece of time what happened I was just lost and I'm at this movie theater watching this fucking dude

and he joins the Air Force and the guy from Scarface is in the movie so okay they got me he's the father and boom Dave Caruso's and that a bunch of people officer the gentleman that fucking okey from Wisconsineroy dude

the chick from trading places but that's how she got trading Beverly Hills cop that's how she got it this was with this movie and this chick with big tits I mean and I'm watching this fucking movie and Debra Winger and I'm watching this fucking movie and Debra Winger and I'm watching

watching this movie about this good looking, and Richard Gere's got a crew cut, and that motherfucker is still slinging dick. If you watch Officer and a Gentleman, put it on with your girlfriend. Even with a crew cut, he's still slinging dick. You're looking at him going, oh, I think I would suck his dick at a gay bar with a couple quailudes in me. I don't even need Cosby there, right? He is fucking handsome as shit with his fucking little white little fucking Navy suit on, whatever the

fuck he's got on. I'm hearing. Right. Let me break it down for you. I'm breaking it fucking down for you. Now, at the timely, let's face it, I'm a fucking punk of a fucking thief

hustler. I'm using credit cards to eat under $50. What does that tell you? That means I would eat the scab off your elbow and rub it on my steak. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm a fucking dirty fuck. And that's what he plays. He plays a guy that gets a guy to buy

fucking shoes for him and belt buckles and he sells it to people and he makes 10% off the top and he's just a hustling. He knows how to steal. He knows how to work the fucking system to his advantage. And I'm looking at this movie and I'm like, okay, I'm not rich of gear. But this is who I am, just some guy. And he joins this thing to hide.

All I was doing when I got to L.A., I was buying time. But I didn't even know this back then, guys. But at this time in my life in 1985, I'm just buying timely. For what? Just buying timely. I'm 22 years old. I have no fucking family. I have no career.

I have no life. I have no education. I got three semesters in a college in Colorado, Colorado Mountain College. That's as fucking good as I might as well go to fucking ITT and join the fucking entertainment fucking division, whatever the fuck it is. You know, I got nothing. I got no money put away. What I had on my feet, the clothes I had in a couple sets of clothes is what I had, Lee. So why did you come back from Colorado at this point?

Because I thought there was something going on in New Jersey. And what I walked into was hell on. I walked into February of 84. Everybody's coked up. Everybody's got coke for sale and everybody's fucking fronting it. And I tried for like three months. I stayed on my fucking good and narrow, but you know what? You can only work for $10 an hour for so long.

You see your friends dropping fucking hundreds out of bar. You're sitting there with fucking, you know, bunny rabbities and a frown. You're working 60 hours a week trying to be a good guy and your friends are dropping thousands out of bar every week. you know, how long does it take before you buy into the American dream and say, fuck it. Let me get an eight ball of Coke and see what it's all the fuss is about. That's what happened, Lee. And I got myself into tons of trouble.

But here I am at this fucking movie theater. In January of 85, I'm just starting to get myself esteem back. And they catch him selling those belt buckles. And the guy tells him, now you've got to quit. And he goes, I ain't quit. And he says something. I tweeted what he said. I'm sitting there.

on the couch. And I'm remembering this time in my life in 1985 when I had nothing going on. Now I'm looking at Harry and Demi and I'm looking at Mercy. Mercy was a school or some shit. I think people thought you were having a breakdown. I was having a breakdown. That's what I'm trying to say. So I started, you see what I wrote?

I know something about... Do I go find it? No, it's old. It's gone. I could quit, but I... No, you can fucking break me, but I won't quit. And then he gets down on the floor and he's doing push-ups. And he goes, why are you putting up with this? And he goes, I've changed.

He goes, no, you didn't change. You just polished up the edges a little bit. You're still the same, and he breaks him down. He's like, your mama was a fucking Alki. Your father was a fucking hoe chaser. Don't you eyeball me. And Richard Gere would eyeball him. Don't you fucking eyeball me, motherfucker.

Keep doing those push-ups. And he would make him do push-ups with his face going into the mud and then lift up, and he would have to wipe his face. And he just broke him down. And he goes, you could quit. I'm getting rid of you. And he goes, I ain't fucking. quitting. And he goes, quit. And that's when he gets up. And he goes,

I got nowhere else to go. And he just starts yelling at late. He just starts yelling. I got nowhere else to go. I got nowhere else to go. And then he takes a beating. He goes, I got fucking nothing. Lee, I never wanted to kill myself more than at that time in my life when I was 22 years old, because that's exactly what I was going through. I sat there in this movie just holding my head going how the fuck does this movie know what the fuck i'm going through inside and guess what i did lee what i watched the movie got up i called my job and i said i can't come in i'm sick and i sat there and i watched the movie all over again i didn't leave that movie until 10 o'clock at night it was fucking freezing when i walked out of there i had had a nervous breakdown i sat

there and watched that Thief of Heart's piece of shit. And I didn't even know what was going on. I just sat there trying to figure out how this fucking black dude knew what I was going through. Like in my life, I just felt horribly. And then he ends up staying and they win the war and he's a hero. He leaves a Debra Winger. But it doesn't matter.

Yeah. Oh, it's tremendous. The guy kills himself, his buddy. Someone got mad at him because we gave a season six spoiler of the Sopranos. And the thing is, I get mad too, but Joe, you're the worst spoiler in the whole world. But this shows me not for years. Like, it would be crazy if I got mad at you. Listen, you fucking momos.

All right. Office of the gentleman is 30 years old. Have you ever seen it shoot yourself? You got no fucking tasting movies. I'm over here crying like a fucking momo, and you're over here trying to tell me I'm real. Spoilers. The fuck is wrong. You're going to get a little.

I gave out season six of the sopranos. The show's been off the air for eight years. If you haven't seen that show, I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed for you. Anyway, what the fuck is your problem, cucker? I don't have a problem. What are you doing tomorrow? Going to your show.

That's at night. What are you doing tomorrow morning? Oh, I have no idea of working out. You want to come with me over to the 9-11 Memorial? Go over and take some pictures to lose the flag. Where's the 9-11 Memorial? What's with the question? over here at North Hollywood Park.

We'll go over there. Hold on one second. I got to take this real quick. Excuse me. I knew this is going to happen. What's up, doctor? Good, sir. Yeah.

Hey, Johnny Vanett. I'm going to go over a podcast. Pick up the pieces. When somebody breaks your heart. Some, somebody twice as smart. I was somebody who... That's my doctor. I got no chlamydia.

I finally went away after 18 years. Really? Congratulations. I'm lying to you, fuck. I'm lying to you. I can't believe that you asked me that question earlier. What question? Was it always about work ethic?

Well, no, no. Not that was it always about work ethic, but I feel like... I'm sorry, not work ethic, but did you people expect to start in the bottom. Yeah, yeah. Like, they always, you have to work, but yeah. I grew up with families that that's what their families did. Do you know what I'm saying?

Like when you, let's say your dads were into building homes. That's what Dick did. You and your brother. Like, you didn't have a choice. If there's no money for college, we got a boat, we got a house here, we got a house up in Nantucka. You want to go to college and no college. There's work

with dad. And someday when I die, you and fucking your brother take over the construction company. Do you think like you go to the dinner table and go, you know, I want freedom of speech and I want to say in my career, no. No. No. You think my friend Veneery that has the undertaker, do you really think that he told his dad, I don't really want to work with dead is that what you think? As the male of the fucking house, you had no choice. The fucking two sisters involved in the funeral director. That's how it was when I was growing up. The Severino's across the street from me.

He had the boy and the girl. The fucking girl, the boy still does the fucking work. 50 fucking years later, Lee. You didn't tell your father like, no. When you were 10 on Saturdays, that's what you did. You went and worked with your dad. And then when you were 14, you realized that your dad would pay you big money because you were as good as the men he was going to hire.

So by paying you $10 an hour when you were in high school, which was a huge amount when I was growing up. I'm sorry, I'm comparing. That's like me... Ten bucks an hour is still pretty good. Let's say if I said to you, listen, Lee, what do you want? I'm dead. I want to be an editor because Joey, listen, fuck you.

And fuck Joey. What's Joey giving you? Two days a week, I got 55 fucking hours. I'll give you $20 an hour for 40 and 30 an hour for anything over fucking on Saturdays. And pretty soon, Lee, after a year or two, when you're 16 or 17, and guess who's going to be running those Saturday jobs? Lees Syatt, Jr.

So Dad's going to say, you know what? Today, I'm going to give you 30% of the take. Which now you're in high school, Lee, and it becomes maybe $1,200 for the day. Let me ask you something. When your guidance counselor says to you, so Mr. Syatt, you scored well in the SATs, have you thought with any colleges,

and you look at them, and you flash your fucking ring on them in high school and go, listen, you fucking mook. What do you make a fucking week? If you try with insurance, I'm pulling down $1,200 on the Saturday. What fucking college am I going to? I'm going to the college of printing cash. And then your brother, on the other hand, he's more of the reaching out type. You're going to fill a void and your brother filled a void.

That's the way it was when I was growing up, Lee. Right. And everybody dug trenches. You know, if that's what your parents did, that's what you did. There just aren't really that many family businesses anymore. Like I said, you think from there he went home? want to work with that people. They give me the yuckies.

I will punch your fucking mouth 50 times a day. Get in there, pick up that fucking stiff and cut his ear off. But it's like, because you or your wife don't have jobs that you could pass down to mercy. So it seems like there's people

less of those kind of jobs to have. Most people don't own their business. In this day and age, I don't want you as my fucking and best friends that I love to death involved in a job. I want everybody to figure out a gap in this

fucking life that you like and mix it with a business and do it and pursue it. Because if not, you're not going to be happy. I'm telling you right now, dog, I try. I try putting money over happiness. When I was, listen, when I went to work from my in-laws, when I got out of prison,

let's be honest here. He was paying me fucking $30 grand a year to start. Which to some people, I Joey 30 grand. Wow. How many Mercedes-Benz did you fucking buy? Listen, living in bold, everybody's paying me $8 an hour, guys.

He was paying me $15, then he put it up to 26, then to $35, once I started generating, you know, dough. But what was my point? I don't even fucking know. But I started on a roof.

I started cutting roof. I was cutting more money. I was cutting more fucking roost. But then I had to figure out, when I lost that job, I had to figure out a gap. And my buddy, said that he had indoor salesman, but he never really had an outdoor salesman.

We started talking, and I put that little gate together with the fucking neon, with Danny Feebles. I never really wanted to have a job, but I also want you to start somewhere. Like, if I could do it all over again, this is the way I do it. I do what you're doing right now. So by the time you're 30, you're making a guaranteed 80 grand a year, and you know all the fucking bases are in. You're 30. Now you could take this direction wherever you want to,

you're going to find the loophole in the system and take this direction wherever you want to. Like I told you, maybe in a month you're going to come to me to say, I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to do corporate podcast. And you're going to go to Nabisco and get the CEO in Nebraska and the guy that's in charge of advertising and pop out of fucking podcast

because it's cheaper for them to advertise on the internet with a podcast that will it be on TV, which nobody's watching anyway. Am I lying to you? No. I was thinking about this to the idea. I'm giving you a free idea. But this takes two or three people.

This takes getting on the phone, calling people up, going down there and going, listen, you're advertising. And this is what you're spending. You're spending this number. You know how many people watching this? This many. You know how many people fast forward to these? How many people wipe their ass with your fucking commercial? Did you see they're going to start putting commercials on Instagram?

No. It's 30-second commercials on Instagram. Why? Why do you think, Lee? Because that's where the action is at. That's where the actions are. And then, you're in for a while. and it's free.

And there's no ads. Rogan post a picture you fucking whack him off. Yeah. It gets 30,000 fucking hits, 16,000, 22,000, and it gets retweeted, whatever the fuck that is. That goes out to masses. What do you think that these people

aren't going to figure it out in the Biscoll, these people, Monsanto, and don't people attack them every week? You're going to have, like, a Monsanto ad? No, not a Monsanto at, like a podcast. A picture of like a GMO? Like, like, where... They sit there with bulletproof fucking G.

gear on and like swap teams over them and they sit down and do a podcast. Merry Christmas with your friends at once. Listen, man, why not put yourself out there if you're a corporation? I got a beef with fucking apple. Let me fucking, no, I don't have a beef with apple, Lee. I'm just saying, I got a beef with apple. I'm just imagining like the Samsung CEO, like slamming like, fuck you, Tim Cook. Yeah, Lee, this is where the next move is going to go because nobody's watching TV for ads.

What do I have to lose? as the CEO of fucking Nabisco or Fruitleloon. You know, if I was Fruitil Loom right now, I'm sweating bullets because me on these is fucking their world up along with 20,000 other underwear people. If Fruitle Loom was smart, they come out there and do a podcast every week and advertise. These are the first underwear you had on, Fruit of the fucking Loom.

Okay, and then do the podcast. We make cotton with fresh cotton. Nobody picks it. We don't have slaves no more. We have machines. They sell you the fucking product during the fucking podcast. That's the few. mutually and I'm just giving it.

So I'd rather you pick a gap than go work for somebody to work for fucking 30 years and sell your soul or whatever the fuck you're doing. Maybe you're not selling your soul, but you're not really doing what you wanted to do. Every job you've had as an editor. You've gone home after the first month and thought about a thousand ways to improve that job on your own. Everybody does that. Anybody who listens to this podcast will get fucking drunk one night with their sister

or their brother or their girlfriend or their wives and tell them about the fucking job they have. and how the way they're doing it sucks and how they would make it better. And if they had the money, they would open up their own fucking business. Everybody's done that. Everybody's done that, including my fucking self. We were talking at Jiu-Ditsu

about bad bosses that we've had before. And I read an article the other day that said that the majority, like 80% of companies are hiring the wrong people to be like the supervisors and they're making the company worse. So it's amazing how, like you don't even need those people.

get rid of those people and just have like you were talking about the sales manager at one of your car dealerships oh that fucking how he cost you money and like if they just weren't there so yeah everyone everyone's been at a job the problem is that these high level people that these people have a thing called an ego right and they impose their ego you know because they got to prove every fucking job you've had there's one guy with an ego i started here 22 years ago as a a burger flipper and you know the guy's a fucking moron. If he got fired from that fucking job, he's the type

of guy that had to walk with the other kids to remember where the school was. Like his father had to put like a fucking torch in front of the house. So he could get back home. That's how much of a fucking moron he was. When I worked at Swift Electric, I moved back from Colorado

in 19, February of 84. And like a week later I went to my friend, Kurt D Lorenzo's mother. She worked in the Union. Put a towards. Yeah,

oh, please. You got to put the toys. The kid walks around. The kid walks around with a whistle with fucking, the father's got pigeons. They send them out there

to find the kids and shit. The kid's out there like a half of retard clapping. Get the fuck out of here. All of a sudden they got a job. They've been there because they got nowhere else to go. They put somebody together.

And what those type of people do is they find somebody they put together. They really convince somebody that they're the people for the job. So you can't knock them for doing that. So I get to fucking Jersey.

I'm there weekly. I need a fucking job bad. Hell yeah. I go to my friend and mom. She's in the union. She knows some people. And within three days, she goes, go down to this place,

ask for this guy telling him I sent you. I went down there, fill out the paper. Leigh the Easter, my starting salary was $200 a week. Eight to five, Monday through Friday, and seven to two on Saturdays. Half hour lunch during the week. Because I knew somebody to get in that, You had to start as a helper in the truck.

Okay. But because I knew Mrs. D., Mrs. D. got me in the warehouse, which meant that in 30 days I'd get in the unit. And it would cost me $200 to get in the International Warehouseman's unit. And my salary would go from $200 to $800 and something dollars a week. And I had to pay dues and I got insurance and this whole fucking thing. I was off and running. 21 years old, New York City, Ready to Rock, 48th and Bergen-Line Avenue,

43rd, something like that on the fucking corner. The guy that interviewed me was a bad motherfucker. Good dude. The guy that Mr. Swift, the guy that owned the company, was like a gangster. Like, he was cool as fuck. And then he brought me into this other guy named Anthony. And he was like a chubby dude, a jovial fuck that always ate and drank.

And his tie was open. You knew he was going to die. Like, you had a big red neck and shit. You knew he was going to die soon. And he'd go out for lunch and come back. Lit, Jack. You knew he was. was fucking lit this Anthony guy.

You know who's going to die. And there was three or four guys behind the counter that were pretty badass, cool as fuck to communicate with. In fact, they threw a 20 or a 10 in your pocket from time to time if you put an extra little something in the fucking box for the delivery. They gave you a piece of the action. So I

started in the warehouse sweeping, moving fucking boxes. And there was this fucking guy in there, Lee, that just he had worked there since he was 12. And now he was 40. all in the warehouse yeah and what happened was that his friend

was supposed to get the next job and I got the next job you follow me so right away he started breaking my balls was he your boss or just yeah he ran the warehouse so right away he would break my balls every day about everything come here and I not tell you the fucking

shovel what are you an idiot shovel over fucking here and he had a super a 1984 super that the owner had co-signed for him and he would pull it up and whack exit every day and he wasn't a good looking guy at all. That was the place. Let me tell how creepy that place was.

At the time, there was a truck driver there. It's so creepy and ominous. This is 1984, ladies and gentlemen. Let me tell how open this country was. There was a guy there that if you looked at, you could tell he either killed a child and buried him somewhere. He had molested a little kid, molestered a little girl. he had done something Lee

he had a different energy to him that's such as I was not he was oh yeah this guy was just black death right he was a white dude he was a white dude like a guy from West New York I don't know what nationality he was he was a white dude and I forget what his name was

but he came over and shook my hand and he was very nice and I would load his truck do you follow that so they would give me orders and I would load his truck There were three trucks that I had to load. Okay. And then I had to keep the warehouse swept. At the electric place.

So I had to pick the wire. So then the other job I did was help the people who were in the front counter. They would come out in Sandy 15 feet of BMX wire or 10 feet of fucking pipe, a quarter inch pipe, you know, whatever, the plastic shit for a pipe underground, whatever the fuck it was. I forget all the terminology now. Don't judge me. You don't know Dick. Yes, I do, don't think. In fact, I even took a course in residential wiring for 90, you know, whatever,

12, three credits at the University of College. That's how I got involved in that. And then I got hired as an apprentice to work at Aspen Electric. I worked for Aspen Electric for a while. Then I got hired by Yeager Electric. Then like an asshole, I went back to New Jersey and left a great fucking job. That was union. The guy was an assignment in the electrical union.

We were waiting on my math grades from high school because they wouldn't let in the union in those days. without your math grades and your fucking high school diploma. How is your math grades? C's. But I took all pre-core shit, you know, that college pre-core, nothing. No, no, no fucking Dewey Decimal System. It's none of that shit. What is that in geometry?

None of that shit. I went as far as like algebra two. That's all you need. So there's two classes there. No calculus. I didn't take a calculus. I went to the University of Colorado and I dropped that motherfucker three classes in.

That was too much. But anyway, this guy was a creepy dude And one day, he goes, Dog, you're going to have to help me today Because I got a busy day and I went on the truck with him And he goes, listen on the way back I got to stop my house and get lunch, your mind? I was like, no.

And he goes, my wife is there. She'll be downstairs. I'm just going to take the to-go dish. You get to meet my wife. I pull up. His wife was 15 years old. What? He was like 35 to 40.

He didn't have white hair yet, But he was going bald already. So he could have been like 38. Was she, did she look young? Was she actually 15? She was 15. And she came out. They hugged.

He gave her lunch. And he got in the truck. And I was fucking like, I didn't know what to say. And then, like a week later, we did the same thing. I had to help him. And he brought me to his house again. She said, hello. If I was hungry, they were very nice people.

I wanted to ask him on the warehouse. And he goes, oh, yeah. he married him when she was like 13 or something he's had her he bought her or something like that I have no fucking idea why didn't anyone report this because it's like oh we get out we get on nice lunch 1983 Lee people don't know nothing 1984 you know she's 13 but the whole company knew he was married to like a 15 a 16 year old girl and what happened was he was with her since she was like 14 or 13 but he married it when she turned legal like 16 He had been with her since she was a kid.

Parents knew, everybody fucking knew. It was the creolee. I didn't even want to be in the truck with the fucking dude. But anyway, back to the story. That dude that had been there for 20 years. Freaking meatballs. Oh, my God, it was terrible. That dude used to torment me every day.

And one day I went fucking off on him. I already had the bartending job at that time. And I felt bad. I didn't think they were going to fire me because Anthony liked me and Mr. Swift liked me. And they just said, no, no, no. I keep your job. They're going to give you a raise. And we're just going to put you in a different department.

We're going to put you in the front, but you're just going to be in the front. You're just going to be their number one guy going back and forth. I think I lasted three weeks after that. By that time, they had given me a raise to maybe 420 something a week or something. I don't know what the fuck it was. It's fucked up when you have like a boss who, like every, like I had this one manager, legal seafood, too, every time she saw me. I think she didn't like my dad when my dad worked there maybe.

But every time she, like, I ended up getting, like, this, I ended up getting fired from there from, like, something crazy. When I fired, I would just, I guess, quit. I don't know. But it was just, it's terrible when there's someone there that makes, like, when, like, when you said, like, there were growing pains coming into podcasting, I used to hate, like, when you would wake up and then you'd be like, oh, can I go to work. like that's if that's that's that was my first thought for all those years and and i never i never felt that way about podcast like that's why that's why i think what you're saying is right and you have to find like there's this website someone told me about called like you to me and you can people on

there making like hundreds of thousands of dollars selling online courses so there's like ways to make money online and do all that shit so if you hate where you're going I could waste your time for eight weeks. You want to send me money? Anything we've discussed? I could waste your time. I could write it up in the tabern and give you a course. How about you just go out there and put your both feet into it

and you learn so much valuable information. Dog, I ducked life while I was dirtyly. I'm looking you straight in the face. I always thought there was a better fucking pot of gold somewhere. I had the answer. These motherfuckers, you worked here how long? Eight years? and you still let an assistant manager

and you still work Saturdays? What the fuck is that? That's commoning this Cuba. Who works Saturday? Eight fucking years. I did everything until I realized that they had to be work involved and then I quit the job.

I'd do everything I could until I realized that after I was there six weeks, I wasn't moving forward. This is what it was for at least three years until they let me move up and do the next job

and then it'd be another two years till I became what I'm supposed to become. And then it'd take another three or four years to really, really get good at it to really make money out of it. Even if I was on a stairs as an electrician. So that put me at 30 years old. I would have to be 30 to really start making

35 bucks an hour. But by that time, you figure it out. And what do you do? You open up your own business. I don't want to do commercial fucking electrician. I want to do residential rewiring. Where are you by the house? I come in.

I rewired a whole fucking thing. I fix all the fucking boards. I pipe it, whatever the fuck you need. And I'm out of there. And this is a flat fee. But now you're competing about it. You've got a bit different. But you're doing it for yourself.

And that's the most important thing. You make your own hours. You get your own pay. And then everything falls into place, man. You'd be surprised how much work. We all worry about if I make the leap, where work still, fuck, yeah, work will come your way. Because enthusiasm breeds.

When you're hungry, you sell. when I'm hungry dog I'll put it together we'll put this podcasting fucking thing together when you're hungry you know what I'm saying you do anything like that in life when you're hungry so I always want the person to get the education

I always remember one thing somebody told me when I was 21 there was a school for bodyguards and Aspen called ESI ESI was executive security information learned how to be James bombed learn how to

take a boat with terrorists and karate chop them all with the art of Cinco de Mayo and how to how to how to how to take over a castle with terrorists and knock them dead

with bullets and tear gas and grenades how to how to tell I'm not lying to you guys how to take over this how to take a man to hand to hand combat all this easy course would cost you $20,000. Financing was available if qualified.

How kind of them? And also, it was six-week course. So in six weeks, Lee, you're going to teach me how to take over a... What about... What if I'm Lee Syed and Jodias? And one day we just wake up and go, Lee, it's time. We fucking take over. We take our country back of Israel. And we wear suits and yarmulcas, and we fucking go out there and take over little villages like some place that's small in Idaho.

and we start hating black people in Puerto Rican, but we like Germans because we feel bad. You know, something fucking crazy, right? And what the fuck are we talking about? But we're going to go to that six-week course? Yeah, because in six weeks, you mean to tell me, Lee, I'm going to teach you how to kill? Listen, you know what you're going to learn, Lee?

You're going to learn the motors. The first time you pull a gun out, I'm going to tell you your fucking amateur and shoot you right in the fucking head. Unless you have the tenacity to kill from the start, then you know how to kill. You learn how to kill on the fucking streets. You really do, and you learn how to defend people on the streets.

But you mean to tell me in six weeks, if I give you $25,000 of my heart and fucking money, you're going to teach me how to subdue and kill eight guys in the room with a deadly art of ninjitsu, art you developed in Mexico while you were kidnapped and tortured by these fucking villains. Let me see this village. Where's this fucking footage? And I'd see people go up there, dog.

Every six weeks and sign up, and then somebody made it simple to me. Some guy goes, listen, let's pretend you got $10 million and you got your family. And some guy comes into you. Are you going to hire some guy that looks like fucking, what's his name? Tadam Chatham with a gun to come in. Oh, he just took the six-week course and how to fucking defend. Well, you're going to hire a dude with the missing eye and the Twitch.

And he's got like a rash on his neck from yellow arm and from Vietnam. And he's on his resume. He just has like the amount of people he killed with a fucking. With a skull bone in it. Who are you going to hire, Doug? Skullbone, McGee. Okay. What are you going to tell Chatham to tanam to go back and join the boy scones for fucking two years?

He didn't have the patience. All those people got taken. Now, one of those people got fucking hired. I guarantee you because I'd rather hire somebody who was in the military for four fucking years. You know why? Because he's heard a gun go off before a thousand fucking times. If you went to Vietnam, that's the moment. I don't care what fuck.

If you're missing an arm, that's the motherfucker I want to my right. If I got a billion dollars and I'm Pablo Escobar. The guy with the missing arm that's gone through hell. I don't want the guy that looks like Tatam chanting with a suit saying hello to people.

I don't give a fuck what he looks like. You know what I'm saying? And that's where we all get taken. Everybody thinks you're going to learn how to do something in six fucking easy weeks. Get the fuck out of here. Listen, you want to learn how to cook, go to red onion, go to one

of those places where they fucking and get animals on a daily basis and you got to marinate. That's how you learn how to cook at one of those Taco Bell places. Anybody could cook meat that tastes good. Get one of those billy goats from the 10 that's running around. That's running around.

Marinate one of those things that's been out in the road get hit 20 times by a tire. Make it taste like fucking the shit that comes in your fucking taco. That's the chef you want to be. Anybody could get 100% meat from whole foods and put onion salt and make it taste delicious. Let me see you've got a possum And sell it as fucking filet mignon and shit.

Some white dudes saying, this is the press filet mignon. Meanwhile, they're eating somebody's fucking, somebody scumpt at that fucking... You would never eat skung. No, I wouldn't, but what do you know where you're eating every time you eat Thai food? What do you know where you're eating when you go to fucking

these taco places? And you don't know what the fuck you're eating. And you even told me, you went to fucking... The place Paula likes, the Mexican place. the debt. What's the name of it? You know, the McDonald's place that they sell Mexican food and wraps and shit. Sebastian. Oh, Chipola. Yeah, bowl of death. That's what

that is. And you said you looked at the brown meat raw, like cooked like in the thing, brown. Yeah. That looks like it's got those bacteria already on it. You ever see when they show somebody's stomach the bacteria? That's what that meat looks like. I've never, bro, my wife likes it. It's driving me crazy. The meat's really tough. It's like it's good in a burrito,

but when you have a bowl. I beg that don't take mercy there. please do me their favor and it hurts my soul yeah let me do some shoutouts this is a good little podcast i liked i got stone today we had a good fucking time well how much do we talked about self-esteem what we had a bunch we had like 200 mil ago there no no 60 60 70 million no you had you we split a red hornet what you're talking about i gave you one packets we split that right there no we split we each had our own what are you talking about Cues to death.

There's no one. Now you're making it out. Now you're not telling the truth. Man, yeah. Get the fuck up. You sound like one of those blowers and shit. Don Wrangler. Rory Oliva.

Timothy Ward. Jamie. Uki Spooky. I love you. Thank you for sticking up for me. Uki Spooky. We're going to get into that. Talking layer.

Security fucking. I'll see you in two weeks. This you cuck, get ready to eat 92 fucking stars. You understand? We're going to make your left eye pop out. Lance Armstrong, always good to see you. And my main fucking dude, Agide Elias.

Stop me if you can. I spoke to Don Rangler yesterday. Did you run? Tom Rangler was a good fucking dude. His family. Don Rangler's been around since Jesus left Chicago. Anybody can show up and tell you they love you. Don Rangler's been there through battles.

He has been. Jesus Christ. What do you got playing for the weekend there? Fuck nuts. Anything good? You're looking good. I'm proud of you today. You came to Jiu-Too.

We had a nice. time. Yeah, that was one. That was a good time. I never lie to you, my brother. Listen, regrets I have. I didn't get into this 10 years early. I would have been a complete different human being.

I would have been on TV three years ago because the top of the discipline from going and getting choked and all that shit. It's amazing. Any martial art fucking helps you. I've always told you an hour a day, three days a week from all your fucking bullshit. You can be broke. So don't bullshit me. You can be flat broke and go to a park and do jumping jacks, set up some push-ups, leave your phone on the call. An hour, three days a week.

I get up now early. I get up at 4.30. You think I want to get up in 4.30? I get up. I have a little coffee. I'd pee. I feed the cats. I clean the little boxes.

I have by myself, that is priceless in this world to just collect your thoughts. I ain't lying to you. I go on that balcony. I hit that pipe two times to get the blood gone. but a little fucking, I get a pen, I get my glasses, and I fucking write in the mornings now for an hour and a half. Denzel once said that any man who fucking can laugh, cry, smile, and one day, it's a good day.

Somebody said that, some actor said that, which makes sense. You know, that's the same thing when you write in the morning. It's my hour and a half. I always did it for years. When I was doing really well, writing-wise, and good jokes, I was getting up really early. I was walking around a little bit with insomnia. Some days I'd be tired, but this is what life's about.

This is what you've got to do. Are we in the middle of an earthquake? No, it's me tapping my leg. I'm filled with fucking joy today. You know what I'm saying? I'm excited because the lobster truck's going to be the baby's going to be happy. I'm going to be happy. I'm going to be here next Thursday.

I'm pretty good. I got a good schedule. I got to spend some time with everybody. It was a good summer. We got to get the, you know, everything's good. I can't complain. And I wish, and I hope everybody else is doing well. Your kids are back at school.

Something really weird happened. Let me break it down, okay. The other morning I woke up to my girl and commandant and fucking lieutenant of death, hokey, spooky. And then the main man himself, talking land that were going back and forth about an individual, had said something about me in a podcast or something like that.

You know what, folks? I just want you to know something. And this is because when Lee told me and I was figuring it out, I giggled because I want you guys to know one thing that these dudes, half of these people, they walk around, they hug you, they do this, but half of them look at you in weird ways, man.

They're not really, trust what I'm telling you this. Listen, I got into this for tons of reasons, but the main reason, because I read that book, Lenny Bruce wrote about doing comedy in New York, and he lived with a stripper, and he went back to the Chelsea Hotel, and he shot heroin, and he barely made a living.

But he paid his rent, he ate, he shot heroin, he got his dick sucked. When I was 30, that's what I was looking to do. Comedy was the easiest path of resistance. I get when you go to the elliptical and you don't use the handles now, it's the easiest path of resistance. All I did was that was go the easiest path to resistance.

I was not going to fucking put five years in my life to be an electrician. I was not going to do all these things I had tried, which I liked. I still think about doing electricity now. being an apprentice at a company two days a week and hanging lights and she, you know I'm an asshole dog

anything I could smoke weed and be left alone I would excel at. Is it good to smoke weed and be around electricity? I did it for fucking two years. I loved it because I'm alone. I got the Walkman line. I got my little tricely belt.

I got my fucking screws with the fours. I got my screwdrivers. I got my drill. I got my lights already set. I got my little ladder. I make two holes. I pop on anchor. I put, boom, I hang the lights.

I drill it. I put the shield up. I take the wrapper off. You know, you could do, let's say you're working on a building like this. Each office is the same way. So I come in here and, oh, you got to hang overhead lights. This is a week of work.

I do two, three offices a day. I set two or three of them up with wiring. Then I come back with a scaffold. That's what I did. You could depend on me. I can be there at 805 and you could go, Joe. Go, and I'd be a fucking moron and do this little work. I could handle that.

So how old. were you when you started electricity? Like, how old would you have had to be if you wanted to wait five years? I would have been 25, like an asshole. At 25, I would have been a... Because you start as an apprentice, residential, for two years, and then you have to get another license. At the time, that's what it was.

It would really crush my career as an electrician. I loved it, and I was excelling at it. I knew how to bend pipe already, how to make horse shoes. I knew a lot of shit about electricity. A lot of people at my level wouldn't have known. I feel like the electricians right now be like, But I took the course from the electrical inspector in Aspen. So the final project to pass is you got to go wire a house from scratch.

Damn. So there's like three houses and you and two other students got to go in there. You get an A or a B or you fail. And we got an A and he went to all three of us. And he goes, listen, these guys don't even get it. If you want, call me and I'll get your jobs. And I called them. And he got me a fucking job like that for like eight bucks an hour and three.

weeks I had a 10 because they figured out that any job I was on was going to get passed. So every time they had a big job, they go, Joey, come on, we're giving you a raise, working on this job. Little bit I know they were using me because the electrical inspector came, he could give me a hug, he'd correct me,

and he'd go, babol, past. Are you fuck? Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with Lisa? You're some fucking novice from the other fucking side. I've been telling here the shit my years. You always had it in. It was like the Chinese restaurant all over again. Oh, at least, yeah, you always got to pay a vegan life.

What? You didn't have to get a taste. I didn't have to get a taste. They knew that fucking I knew the dude who inspected. Who's better than Uncle Jay? And then I took that taste of Yeager. I called this Yeager Electric one. And I go, listen, this was going on.

They're giving me this, but I'm goombaz with the fucking this guy. So any job I'm on, it's passed. He just comes, corrections, and passes me. And they're like, when do you want to start? Where are you going tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock? Pick me up at snowman. And they'll like, pick you. I'll be there at 8.

Bring coffee. I know people. And they fucking come up, pick me up. And they were good. They were good to me. And then I went to Jersey like an asshole. And I'll tell you what killed my electrical career. What?

Hoboken, New Jersey. Well, I was making 12, 15 an hour in Aspen, getting picked up. Lunch was being bought for me. I went to Hoboken. They're like, well, Ohio you're in a heartbeat. But they wanted to start me at eight bucks or not. and it was basically laboring, going underneath, and taking out rewiring, and going under the buildings where rats were and scorpions and bodies. Fuck you.

You have no idea when you got to go. I forget what it's called. You got to do that as an apprentice. Yeah. That's what you do. You got to go under the fucking house and set up wiring. There's skunks under there. There's raccoons.

There's dead animals. There's rats. It's a fucking nightmare. When you move, you probably have to start at the bottom again. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, like that. But this was like, they wanted me to start way, way, way, way deep in the murky waters of the underworld. I ain't going to line nobody.

I had done that for about eight months. But then, like anything else, I moved up to wiring bathrooms. And in those days, in Aspen, the hot thing was if he knew how to wire electric towel, warmers. That was the big thing in Aspen at the time. Like, you know, like Uber was now. Like, if you wanted to be cool and ask me, you had an electric towel. towel warm. So when people came over, the towels were warm. That sounds nice.

And guess who knew how to why are those things? Uncle Joey? Like a motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? I'm in the mood to crack my fingers today. You ever in that mood and shit? Some humans do this. I soo. But I'm in the mood to snap my fingers. Let's get the fuck out of it. I've got to take two steps to the rear

and get out of here. Oh, shit. What the fuck happened? All right. The ice house. Tomorrow night, bitch. is Vegas. Next week, the CD. What's the name of the place? Jesus Christ.

The South Point. The South Point Hotel. And you can get room and show package deals if you call them. So do it. And the week after that, I'm in New York City at the Gotham Comedy Club. Oh, fuck. All right, here we go. This is a shot.

This is going to be dead on two legs. All right. For you people who know, if you don't know, now you know. when we fucking make it happen here like this morning I went to jujice I didn't give none to Lee the first time it's always I got my honor in the bag next time I go I'll take a picture

and fucking send it to you guys always little shroom tech before I get on the mat so I lift weights just because I'm a fat fuck and I want an extra energy so my workout could last a little longer shroom tech is the one I work with in hem-force protein that's what I work

with on a full-time level I go on cycles of the alpha brain don't worry about it. It worked. I'm just sewn to the fucking gills. You people are looking at him and like, Joey, why are you stuttering? Why?

Because we dropped some fucking edibles of debt. I've been smoking reef. I did the pedoscope this morning with a piroscope, pedoscope, whatever fuck it is. The truck driver had pedoscope. The who? That truck driver.

What truck driver? With a 15-year-old wife. Oh, he was disgusting. He has the peduscope. That was the creepiest fucking thing ever. I still kept like no one said. Like, hey, man, what happened here? In those days, whatever you did,

Nobody knew nothing. You could be married to a goat as long as you paid your taxes and were nice. Fucking leave him alone. Who cares? But gay marriage. So anyway, honor.com for all your fucking supplement needs, Derek.

It's a great product. I tell you, motherfuckers constantly. Whether it's the alpha brain, the shroom tech, the hem-force protein, this is the shit I know about. You want to try the testosterone boost.

You want to try the T-C-T oil. All that stuff is available before you go read up about it. You're going to fucking love it. And there's just an intro, just to let you know how much I love you. I'm going to give you 10% off right off the back because that's Uncle Joey Rose.

I'm not here to hold it on to myself and whatever. 10% off goes to you. Go to the box and press in. Church. Boom. C-H-U-R-C-H. And get 10% off your first daughter of honor. I ain't fucking around with you.

This shit fucking works. You're going to fucking love it. Try that shroom. Let's say you fly. Let's say you hang out with fucked up people. You smoke crack. Get the shroom tech. Get the shroom tech immune.

Let's say you suck on a pipe. Let's say you're a female You suck 10 dicks a week You don't want to get sick One of them fuck somebody With the flu There you are coughing You know

It's tough to make a living When you're coughing Try shroom tech immune There you go Go to honor And press in Church Church

CH You are CH And get 10% off You bad motherfuckers Maybe you're rehab With the audit You want What is wrong with you

And then go to rehab Listen What are you Why you got to mention people? People going to AA meetings. What the fuck is this? What? I got 10.

I got fucking problems. I got problems, Lisa. Listen, we all know how sexy confidence can be. All right, and that confidence is being fucking comfortable. If I had my nuts or my underwear, my ass and shit, I'd walk in here, and I wouldn't feel as good. You could see it on my face. Just something wrong with Joey.

He's either constipated. He's having a bad day. Now, you know why I'm comfortable? Because I got me yon d'is on. Jiu-jitia, I had my fucking me-on-d-d-on. All that type of activity, because I don't want shit to happen. I don't want nuts to fall out. I'm confident.

I still wear my tidy witties from time. I got a nice suit on a sign. You got to wear the tidy wadies. I got to go old school to drop it on these youngsters. But when I'm doing activity, when I'm climbing, I'm doing what the fuck I do jumping. You know, you know, I parachute. This fucking moron almost fell over.

Speaking of parachuting, this fucking. fucking Momo almost fell over here. What's I talking about? Meandis, listen, why fuck are you? All right, they got a complete line of women's and men's underwear. Comfy is all help. I ain't even, I wish I was lying to you guys.

They got shorts, they got great t-shirts. You just had the Miondi's T-shirt on today. Gray light. You could wear it underneath. Fucking tremendous, comfortable as shit. Do you understand me? That's what Miondi's has. They're fucking comfortable as shit.

But, hey, you don't believe me? Go to Miondi's.com right now. Look at the great. selection of men and women's clothing they have, but focus on those underwear guys, they have bad motherfuckers, your bulge comes up, your nutsack stays dry, it's a fucking tremendous product.

I wouldn't kid you right now, I wear them 90% of the time. I have a mom right, no, I don't have a mom until they, I'm going to commando because it's a 104 degree. Let the ball sweat go with a ball sweat go. Anyway, do me a favor. Go to me on these.com right now and press in. Joey. Boom!

And get 20% off your order and free shipping in Canada and the United States. It also, let me tell you something else. Mordor is pronounced Moldo. Miandis is made from Mordor. A fabric that's twice as soft as cotton. That's why they're so nice. Twice as soft as whatever underway you're wearing right fucking now. That's what I'm trying to tell you, man. That's what it says in the script. I'm just fucking telling you how I feel. That's what they're telling you to tell you. I'm telling you before they fucking told you. How's that for yourself? Go to meundis.com right now and get 10% off. 20% off your first

order and free shipping to Canada and the United States. Thank you for correct me. That's the first Jew will give you 10% more of anything. You know what I'm saying? If this was his company, you would get fucking guts. Let me ask you something. You're walking to a grocery store and you find an hour of snacks. What the fuck? Awesome.

Right? Imagine you didn't have these to leave the couch. You get these chips. They all taste like fucking dick. Do me a favor. You want to get healthy, nutritious snacks. Pre-portion, portion. You could close them and open them when you want.

Go to naturebox.com right now. NatureBox offers a complete, delicious, nutritious snacks, whether it's the black and pepper lentils, whether it's the jalapeno cashews. Oh, my God. Whether it's the jalapeno popcorn, whether it's the sesame sticks, listen, every week they get better and better.

Did I not give you your box? No. Jesus fucking, guys. I thought I gave you a box and shit. You always say that, and then maybe I get like a weird one. I thought I sent that. I gave me your address. They fucked up again.

I got to talk to Nature Box. You know what snacks are on my counter right now? And I'm even, you know, my baby love Teddo's salt and pepper lentils. Oh, my God. They're good. She just took the whole bag from me. The jalapeno cashews, they went down. The sarashi catches went down.

Have you tried like the Asiago crisp things? Not yet. They're so good. Oh, they're so good. Oh, my God. They're like fancy cheeses, but healthier and delicious. Listen, guys, they're all, all out. They got granola.

They got great snacks. But don't go to naturebox.com right now and put in. Go to naturebox.com slash Joey. And look at the great selection of snacks and meals that none. They got no meals. Why are you looking at me all weird? That's the next one. You're confused with me.

Lee. No, go to naturebox.com right now. Slash Joey. And take a look at the nutritious, delicious snacks that they have available to you right now. Go to naturebox.com slash Joey and press him whatly? Nothing. You know what the Presley. Don't be lying to me.

No, seriously. Naturebox.com right now. Slash Joey. Slash Joey. Tremendous nutritious, delicious snacks. Delivered right to your door and you can personalize your own snacks. All right. This is the one that's, uh, I've been getting great reviews from people being emailing me,

thanking me. They're like, Joey, how did you find out about this, uh, you know? What the fuck is going on here? I just had it here. Why they're lying? to me before. Did you take the copy formulae? No. Anyway, let me talk to you people

from the heart because this has come to my house a couple of times and I really enjoyed them. Blue Apron is a service that they deliver pre-portion, uncooked meals delivered right to your house. They come in a box with a loomful around them with a nice little, they're

sealed, you take it out, they have the recipes they send you, and they have the exact amount of what you're going to add to each recipe, how to cook it, what temperature, whether you bake it, cut it. Everything comes cut. I mean, if they send you a cucumber, the cucumber comes whole, they expect you to cut it.

Don't be that lazy. No, but it's cool because a lot of times when you're cooking for like one or two people and you want to make a whole recipe, you have to go buy a spice you don't have. You use it twice, and then it just sits there. So they send you all the only... Everything to the dot on that thing, and you add it, dilute whatever the hell you want to do.

You put it in there, the nutritious, the calories, the protein. I mean, everything's in there. measured for you. You know, how many times you come home? You got to stop at the store. And then you've got to park the car, walk in, stand online. Once you're online, you forgot the pepper deck. Now you've got to walk back, get online. By the time you get home, you're tired. Scratch that. With Blue Apron, you get home, the meal's already brought in, your kid brought it in, you bring it into the thing, you go to the bathroom, you take a pee, you wash your hand, you take off your skirt. Whether you've got pants on, let's say you're a guy,

whoever fucking cooks in the house, you go back there, you open. You open a bathroom. You open, up the box, you get the skillet or the boiler, whatever it calls for you to make, and boom, you make delicious, nutritious dinners right there available to you. They got a two-person plan, and they got a family plan. Let me tell you what the two-person plan had this week. They had salmon burgers, alioli, and they had mushroom ragat calzone. Can you imagine getting home to make a mushroom ragat calzone? That's the two-people dinner. I'd say you've got a date on Wednesday night, you got a couple of those boxes send over, you cook it up with her.

It makes everything a lot easier. I want to sign up for it, but eat both of those. Fuck, I eat the whole thing. Then for the family plan, you had barbecue, roast pork, and you had crispy cod sandwiches, little things over like a little cold slaw. Oh, my God, that's the family plan. And all this, it's even cheaper if you buy it. I'm telling you right now, it's pennies cheaper, but don't believe me.

Do me a favor. Go to blue apron.com and press in. Joey. And get, how many meals? Two. Two meals for free on them. Blue Apron.com. You will not be sorry.

You're busy. You don't really have time to go shopping. Give Blue Apron a try. They're giving you two free meals. What are they pressing in? Joey. That's it. O'Gatz, that's it.

It's a rep, people. I bought a shout out to Honit. Meundies.com, naturebox.com, and Blue Apron. I want to send them some love and thank you for sponsoring the show, as always. I want to thank my main man, Lisa, for putting it together.

I'm doing these Flying 2 Radio calling shows about topics. So, I just did one about religion. people want to listen to it. I appreciate it. All right. Any other calling topics you want to do about? Concoclayca. Why ain't giving me crap for no reason? Calling right now. Who?

Anybody. So wait. Ice house and then Vegas. All right. Okay. All right. Don't forget about me, people. I love you guys. Thank you for supporting the church. Don't forget next week. I'm doing a DVD. Las Vegas. Then it's in New York.

fucking city, Gotham Comedy Club 1145 for the creepers. The people don't hang out with people that go to church. 1145, you know what I'm saying? You gotta come heavy duty. Like I said on the fucking Fitz Podcast. If you got 44 D's, you cannot be a Christian. You know what I'm saying? Shut the window,

part three. Fuck it. I love you guys. Stay black. This show is brought to you by Blue Apron. Blue Apron sends gourmet recipes and all the fresh ingredients you need to make them right to your door. And our listeners get their first two meals for free. Just go to blue apron.com slash joey and start cooking incredible meals at home with Blue Apron.

Blue Apron.com slash Joey. Now that the show is over, don't forget to go to Naturebox.com and go to go and check out all the great tasting, healthy snacks. Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like barbecue kettle kernels. Go to Naturebox.com slash Joey. That's naturebox.com slash Joey. Go to Meandies.com slash Joey. and you're going to get 20% off your first order of all the great men's

and women's underwear, t-shirt, socks, sweatpants, and you're going to get free shipping in the United States in Canada. Go to meendee's.com slash joey and go to onit.com and use co-word church to get 10% off all the great optimization products

like alpha brain, swim tech immune, swim tech sport, and new move.