The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #319 - George Perez

Episode Date: September 22, 2015

George Perez, Comedian seen on "Payaso Comedy Slam" joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   
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 Music:  I Want You Back - Jackson 5 I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Como Fue - Beny More

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early Michael Jackson, before he became a pedophile. This is BP, before pedophilia. Monday night, September 21st, the day the devil was lit on fire. Cosby raped him.

And God knows what happened to that motherfucker. Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me? When he had you to himself and the puppet came out. Fresh from Vegas. Lee Syatt.

My little brother, George Perez, in the building. Show you that I love you. Back to your heart. Oh shit. Let you go, baby. Are you fucking kidding?

Are you fucking kidding me? How old was he at this point? Fucking six or seven? Just rip it up. Oh, my God. I still remember walking from a movie, Her Majesty Secret Service with James Bond and making my godfather go to 42nd Street.

There was those record stores, and I bought the album, A.B.C. I didn't give a fuck what time it was. When I got home, I put it on. There was no earphones, Dan. There was nothing. We just put that motherfucker on and let the neighbors knock.

Fuck it. What was the first song that came out on that? I think it was ABC. Oh, okay. ABC, and I want your back is on that, and there's something else on that. And then after that, they just fucking... It was a rap. There was no fucking looking back, man.

And he did that for 30 fucking years after that. So, you know, it's amazing. We were at the Ice House from the night, and Mrs. Pat was there. Right. And we were talking about Michael Jackson Al. And I said, my favorite Michael Jackson album of all time is the best of Michael Jackson. It was transitioned in between the Jackson 5 and the solo career. Oh.

All right, it was like 80. He still had the nose. He still had the afro. And he put out an album cord. And it was him with a pigeon on it. She was laughing on me. She's like, they ain't no Michael Jackson out with a white motherfucking pigeon. And bam, Lee found it.

Oh, shit. And I'm telling you, that's my. I look it up. Because I remember, I was high as well. He's the best of Michael Jackson. Is he wearing like a black jacket and a gray shirt? No, he's not a radar fan at that point. He's still fucking, uh, he's still jumping up and down with the Indianapolis

cults or whatever the fuck he was in that that time. Yeah, the best of Michael Jackson guy. I gotta be where you are. One day in your life, it's got a bunch of great fucking jams on there. You know, it just turns out, you know, this is how life turned out. It's like Anderson Silver to be the champion for so long. And then a fucking little steroid thing. Yeah, just him holding like a dove.

A dove, yeah. That's the fucking best out. I still remember all that shit. Like, I was a kid when all that was news, like when Jermaine left to marry the daughter. Like, that was fucking groundbreaking. breaking. Like, you know, it wasn't on TMZ. There was no TMZ. But I remember them talking about in the news. Like, the people

who don't know, the Jackson 5 of the phone. Yeah. They're done. Germain left to marry the fucking thing. And you knew it was going to be Michael time. So what do you do? Because like now, nowadays, have like a band breaks up it goes over Twitter. Like that one dude just left one direction. And like the internet

exploded. What happens before the internet? Like when that happens, they like people just go. They just weren't, you know, you heard about it. And if you were a Jackson 5 fan, You know, by that time, that all gotten older, they got ugly. They weren't the cute little fucking kids that came on the scene. But Michael could sing. Yeah, he was the talent of everybody, you know?

He was Jordan of the squad. Yeah, he was Michael Jordan, Jermaine was pippin, you know, whatever. And then... But Janet came through. Janet came through, of all of them at the end. She was like the Kobe. But you know what's going on with her now? No.

It's a fucking nightmare. Oh, yeah? Her album came out, or it's coming out. They got a world tour. they're not selling tickets. Oh, like three tickets. I saw like 12 tickets, so they're trying to play the old Janet.

If you look, I think the album's for free on fucking YouTube. Oh, shit. Like, yeah, you know, listen, man, you cannot not put an album out for eight years or whatever the fuck she did and stay vocal in this, you know?

Charday could do that shit. Yeah, but you're still going to always have your bass fans. Okay. But it's a whole new game out there. Janet Jackson's an old fucking lady now. Yeah. Singing sex songs.

Yeah. To be singing whatever and jump. up and down with people. So that was the thing. She made a heavy transition. So that was a gen. I went to see it. I went to see it to work.

Yeah? Rhythm Nation? No. If. If she was fucking smoking. Is it possible for her to be good for that long, though? Like, could it just be that she's had her a good run? Like, Jesus Christ.

Listen, man, when you're an artist, a musician, whatever fuck you are, you continue to make music. Whether you're selling records or you're not selling records. Then you have a base core of fans and they buy whatever the fuck you put out. They support you. They've gone to see you. They support you through all the years, you know. You have a base core of fucking fans. But you got to stay current.

You know, I don't know what the word is. What's the word? You have to stay, active, active, you have to stay. She was doing movies for a little bit. No, current. I think. Current, current. That's what you said.

Yeah, you have to stay in, like, in the mind of, in, like, pop culture. She did a movie with Tupac. That was 20 fucking years ago. She let Justin Timmelake grab her titty on TV. You know what that. old wrinkle fucking brown pig you know they banned it from CBS yeah I mean

you have to do something and I don't know what I heard one song and it's just too slow Janet's too slow you gotta fucking pick this shit up man yeah I haven't fuck with Janet Jackson since any place any time would you mind yeah that's that's if if it's a great album that's the album

shit fuck if and I tell you what man the pleasure principle not fucking bad not bad when I was a beginning comic I had that whatever the fuck cassette, whatever the fuck it was in the car and I'll tell you what, that probably as your principal got me from point A

to point B, the last album Oh, and then I went to see on if And then when I moved to L.A., I dated this girl And she took me to see her at the fucking Coliseum, the Velvet Rope. And I was sitting right next to Jimmy Smith's, right? I never met him. I never knew nothing. I just sat there. He was right next to me. It was like third row. A father. This girl's father was the manager of the Stones

20 years. ago with something weird. So she got all the tickets. I went down there. I'll never forget I'm sitting in. Jimmy Smith got up, bro, and he goes, hey, you guys need anything? My fucking heart stop. Damn.

My fucking heart stop. And he still remember it? I still fucking, sure. Who does that? Who does that? What did you say? Did you have him get you something? Damn, let me get a beer. Fuck you're since you go.

I was broke. Was this like post La Familia? Because that's the movie that really is a little amount. This is 99. Oh, yeah. Ninety-nine. Let me tell you something, man, about Jimmy Smith. And we've had this conversation.

As a matter of fact, I was bored last week after Narcos, and I went back to season six of Sons of Anarchy from the beginning. Just to watch my mad Jimmy Smith. Just to do a throwback. So watch him play a Mexican. First of all, let's get something straight about Jimmy Smith, bro. It's been around for 30 from one years. He was in the pilot of Miami Vice.

He got blown up in the second scene. He was Tubbs' original fucking. He was Rocket's partner. He was the Q's. kid that got blown up on a Coke deal. First fucking episode. Then he has to go into the diner and tell his wife. Then he got replaced by tubs.

That's how it starts. But that's 31 fucking years ago. And before that, there was a Spanish dude that did every piece of work there was. He was the guy that played the Spanish dude in Sanford and son. Oh, fuck. What the fuck was his name? He was the fucking F. He was the spick.

For 30 years, that guy played a Spanish guy that got insulted by everybody. my Julio, Julio, put an episode of Julio in this motherfucker. Julio or Samfordinson? Julio, put Sanfordinson. Julio, something about Puerto Rico. I don't want no Puerto Ricans in my house. That's old shit.

I think I was like five. Jimmy Smiths, I respect. Jimmy Smith has had L.A. whatever. Then he had another sitcom. He had NYPD Blue. Yeah. He was on that motherfucker for a long time.

He was on Dexter. Then he came in as a Mexican on fucking sons of anarchy season six. The scene, a pilot Oh, have you seen that season yet? No, I haven't watched to show you. It opens up him fucking Jemma. From behind, fucking stitched up with gang,

colors on and shit. He calls her a crack of bitch. I mean, it's, yeah, Julio and the sister, watch of this guy is. See, this is, Julio was on the one below. Julio was on fucking TV. Yeah, this is when the sister comes over. He don't like Puerto Rican, but the sister stays

at the house with him. There's great fucking episode. I don't know how to go. Signor, you will take me? Please. Now? Yes, now, please. No, I got to finish this work.

And then I got to do some things in the kitchen. Please. And after that, I got to look in here and see what dear Abby said about teenage petting. She got a mustache? Okay, then get your coat and get your hat. Leave your worries on the door. Good. You ask him to come in.

Oh. Yeah, they go to the principal school. Your mother and a Mr. Santer are here. Why you called them? I know how to go home. They can't send you home without a parent. That's Jeff Garcia. When he was young and shit.

What is she saying? What is she saying? It's like a little little. I don't know. It's you. How did I know? Who you think I have for?

Not no longer? now. What happened? What did the kid do? He simply refuses to go into the fourth grade. He insists he's smarter than the fourth grade, which I have no reason to doubt. But, well, because of the language, Barry, he can't keep up with the fifth grade. Why he says, Senor San Juan. He said Roberto El Dummo. I said the teacher is unable to teach him. See, the principal old says El Tico is the dumb old.

No, I didn't. Well, listen, if the teacher can't teach him, then she put her back in the fourth grade. Not that real? Mr. Sanford, most of our teachers don't speak Spanish, and the government won't provide funds to hire

extra teachers who do. It's unfortunate, really, because in the younger grades, many of our children are Spanish-speaking. Well, that's stupid. He's a kid that speaks two languages. He's smarter than the teacher, and he can also sell them. Well, why does it, I don't know. I imagine they have other things they consider to be more important.

Now, what's more important and giving a kid a real good education? There's what I watch Sanford and Sarth. I respect what you're saying. It wasn't all about comedy, dog. He was a bad motherfucker. Yeah, he's a bit message. Dog, put on the episode with the Japanese. Say Sanford and Son, Japanese real estate. See what you get. See what you get. You know, speaking of old stuff, man, I was watching Warriors the other day. to the reunion in New York or some shit. Yeah? That's crazy. Which one?

No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. Home Sweet Home. Home. Oh, my fucking God. Home Street home. Watch this fucking episode right here. This is fucking craziness. This is when they want it. The Japanese people want to offer money. What the fuck is this shit?

This fucking little, we'll clip it over there. Skip that. Isn't the Japanese want to buy his property? and he goes to dinner at their house and shit. Oh, no, they make him put a robe on and shit. And then they want to sell his property. What's the set pain in the neck?

Keep going. I just saw it before. It don't matter. I don't want to make people sit through this shit. George Perez is here with playing Sanford and Sons and shit. Fuck you. It's having fun, brother. No, but it's really weird, like how those Spanish guys played on TV for a long fucking time.

until more. It's like Bob, Robert Constanza. Robert Constanza, Italian guy that's been in a thousand fucking things because for 30 years he was the only New York around here. They used them for everything. You know, commercials. I mean, fucking guy works for a time. Got a beautiful fucking house.

Yeah, man, I got the same problem with that guy, Noel. He plays the Cholo and everything. Noel, he was in Bruce Almighty, Almighty, Fast and Furious, a training day. I haven't seen him lately. Yeah, he's the same on audition. Yeah, he's really hot for him.

Yeah, he's cool. He turned Christian. Yeah, he had a little gambling problem with what I heard, and now he's doing good. He's doing his thing with the family. So he's not acting anymore? I think he is because he was in that one movie, The Purge, the last one.

That's the last one I've seen him in. He's even in video game. I'm trying to get that Cholo. Nintendo, if you need a Cholo, call me. I'm vintage. You know what I mean? You've been banging it out here for a while, George Brass. You're like the fucking, you're out every night, man.

Yeah. Oh, come on. battles, you do the roast battles, the chief roast battle. What did you just tell me you did? What's his name with the prison special? Oh, yeah, it was cool, man. Jeffrey Ross hit me up and just, you know, just talk to him, give my ideas and stuff. He showed me what he was doing.

He was funny in that. He was good. I haven't seen that one yet. Yeah, he was funny. Yeah, his message was good. Yeah, he's a dynamite guy. Yeah, he's awesome, dude. And I didn't even know he gave me a credit.

And he just goes, hey, look at the preview. And I was like, what the? And my name was under Chris Rock. That was the first time ever. He always does stuff like that. He's taking Tony Hinchgiff under his wing. A lot of writers, he gives him a good chance. He's a good fucking dude.

He comes up to the store. He says things to you before you go on stage. And for a long time, I didn't think I liked him. Like, a long time, I didn't think he liked me. And then we started talking. He loves his Rifa. You know, he loves his motherfucking Rifa. And he loves writing good fucking jokes.

Yeah. You've had some great people around you, man. But that's fucking cool. Yeah, brother. I'm grinding. You know, I had to get out of that little lanking. Latin world. You know how that Latin war keeps you there like the ghetto. And I was like, I know, I'm going to go explore and venture and I'm meeting other people and I love it, man.

I love it. One thing about the Latin world, which I got to tell you, I got a lot of comedy education. Oh, yes. From the comedy store. I'm going to tell you that right now. We talk a lot about the comedy store. You're probably your ears of bleeding joy to the comedy store again. But the other credit to a lot of my stage savvy, whatever the fuck of there is in presence, is those Mexican

Oh, yeah. When I got to this town, man, I got spots at the store, but my bread and butter was Rudy Moreno, was the guys like Fly, Jeff Garcia, you, you know, Felipe and Willie had Tuesday and Wednesday, somebody else had Thursday, you know, on a Thursday night, you can make, you know, $200,000 in 60s. In 60s, going to different rooms, West Coffey and the Jeff had the Safari Club. Oh, you had to walk up 22 fucking steps, and the stage was ratly. A bunch of fucking drug people in there.

What about Casa Latina? Casa Latina. Tuesdays, 40 bucks. Yeah, you can do the ice house and then come over there. That's right. That's right. I mean, those are the days might do. It was so weird the transition because the transition stopped in 2008.

In 2008, we lost 20 fucking rooms in the city. I was locked down. A lot of people lost rooms. And see, what happened in 2008? You know, that whole stock market thing, that crashed. something like with that. It really affect, and this is what happened.

I mean, there was a strike here in 2007, and it really fucked in 2008, 7th. Yeah, it was like the screen actors, and it really fucked a lot of people up. They wanted that DVD money or the download and some shit, right, and I remember those days Lee, let me tell you some. And I got

no reason why to know, but I was getting $15 at the store. I was acting a little bit, but my bread and butter were those Mexican rooms and residual checks. Fuck yeah. Because my wife at the time my girlfriend didn't really know what I made at those rooms. So she'd say to me, where are you going to? I'm going to George Perez's. I was really going to George Perez and somebody else. I'm like Chino to pick up 80 bucks. That was my cocaine,

gas, and weed money. So I'd still come home with the 50 from George Perez's room, but I'd still have the 80. No, I was going out three nights a week to those rooms. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Come on, brother. You're making 150 a week in town. If you hustle, if you know how to step on the gas and tell Rudy, I'll be there last, I'll close it, and you can back. There's a Laker game. This room is fucking backed up. I mean, you could do it. Stephen's Steakhouse, Commerce Casino, the fucking bicycle club.

We did all those fucking clubs. And I mean, you know, I was there the night that they threw a knife at Darren Carter. I wasn't there. It was Wild Coyote. No. Wow Coyote, too. They threw a knife at Darren Cod. Then they threw a knife.

They jumped Tommy Chun. Where? At Wild Coyote. Who did? Well, do you know how Tommy Chen? He was killing on stage. And he started talking to the. Cholo's girlfriends, and they're like, hey, we don't let no black guys talk to girls

over here. No, no, no, no, no. So they jumped them, but he turned into a silverback gorilla and just ro-oh-oh-oh. Because Tommy's from Detroit and fly jump in, too. Really? Yeah, I wasn't there. Yeah, I wasn't there. They threw a night.

Where's all the Hawaiians at? What city is that by San Diego? Carson. No. San Diego's got those Samoans. What's the Oceanside? They threw a knife at, oh, that's when, what's his name? Rick Martinez.

Oh, yeah. That's that room in Ocean. Oceans. side. They threw a knife. Moon doggies or something? No, that was in San Diego. This is motherfucking ocean side. Oh, wow.

Then they had that room that the Mexican dude used to book off of San Diego all the way down. That was a Papu Chulo or Leonard? No, no. And I'll tell you who else he used to have tons of comedy when I moved here. The other living I had was the other direction. The other direction, now they're opening up Oxnard. The improv will open up Oxnard by December. Yes, that's going to be awesome.

Really be awesome because there's nothing else. that way. So for years, Lee, Wednesday nights was Oxnard, Tuesdays was Bakersfield. I remember going, I remember a time when we were driving to Bakersfield for two gigs. Like one comic had on 8 o'clock and another comic had a 10 o'clock and they'd say, if you're there for the 8, you might as well come across town and do the 10 o'clock. And fucking Bakersfield. That's how much the black host up there, up north. And now we're in a way, what's the guy that books all up there, Vizalia, and all. That's Papucho. And you have Leonard Martinez. Leonard used to use the black radio guy.

Oh, yeah. He was really cool dude. Andre Covington. Andre Covington. There you go. I'm telling you, Lee, there was so much. And then I had Orange County on Locke. Remember, I had Rosco's.

You would just come for the sandwich. Fucking Roscoe's has good sandwiches. Good sandwiches. And let me tell you something about Rosco's. You know, I was talking to Lee that, how? You ever go do comedy somewhere, and they pay you in the room is good, but there's nothing else there. You leave there and you forget about the room

and you go to the second time and some people are like, hey, I'm happy you're here. But there's some rooms you go to and they give you 30 bucks, but they treat you like your fucking Adam Sandler. And say what you want to say, the guy at Rosco's, the guy that used to be a salesman, the big guy.

Yeah, Dan. He was always good to me. Oh, he's awesome. You understand me? Yeah. You know, it's like the dude down in Orange County. He don't book a lot of dudes. But, bro, when you're broke, he gives you a dinner,

and then he goes, come here, you want a dinner to take home with you? When you're a comic and somebody gives you a cheeseburger to take home leave, you remember that for the rest of your life, dog, when you're getting $50 a set in the Strang's Town, and the cook comes up and says, come here, bro, I'm going to throw this away. You want these fucking hamburgers and these steak fries, and you're like, fuck, yeah.

That dude, what's the Comedy Magic Club? I don't know. And Orange County. He always features you, and Redondo Beats down there. He doesn't like me. He doesn't like me. I'm too dirty for his club. Oh, okay.

It's a very white club. Older people. But that's kind of like, isn't it just good that he tells you that? He's like, hey, man, I was never mad at the guy. I love the Connolly Magic Club because of that. He told me, he goes, just your comedy doesn't go over. I got 22 complaints. I get it.

I'm not mad at you. Yeah. I was too raw for the room at that time. This is like six years ago. He was too raw. He caters to his neighbors. Yeah, he has his, you know, Jay Leno goes there on Sundays to work out. Yeah.

Right. But you have a lot of things to say about, like we were talking before about the people who are in this industry. And like you have a lot of people. You always say people never say no to you. They just don't answer the call. There's a lot of people. There's probably a lot of club.

Right. There's a lot of people who won't give you an answer. You send them a tape or you call them and go, hey, I got a recommendation from George President. For some reason, they just don't like Joe Deere. For some reason they don't like George. Yeah. I get that too.

I get it. And I don't get my business. It's a part of fucking business. And you know what? Then you have two things to do. You could take it like a man and understand. You know, I don't like hot dogs who ketchup on it. Right or wrong.

You like that shit. No, I kind of just mustard. I know. But if I'm not around, you would put ketchup on it and mustard and rub your face like a fucking jamouk. I know you. But, you know, I mean, so every, you, one man's chicken is another man's gumbo, bro. I get it. Speaking of which, I shot a special this week.

Oh, how what did you do? In Vegas at the South Point Casino, 24 years of California. I mean, nobody's ever giving me shit. I went in the bank. I said, fuck it, Lee. Let's shoot it ourselves. Wow. How was the turnout?

The turnout was great. I got to listen, man. As far as the people who listen to this podcast and the people that we've helped them, they've helped me, I want to thank you. I want to give you my heart. You know, people showed up Friday night with T-shirts on. Wow. People showed up Saturday night yelling and screaming, and it meant the world to me.

It made me, you know, work harder and let me, you know, this is something I never anticipated. Years ago. I said something on the Rogan podcast that these people on Twitter and Facebook are a bunch of fucking stiffs. And boy, that I have to eat my words. Yeah. I've met, you know, the guy who stole the weekend was Lee, obviously. No. And the fucking talking land.

Two friends, a guy that we met from here that's just a sweetheart. He's capped in the security. He's our consultant. He's the conciliati of the family. But as far as this little fucking Jew, motherfucker, I was thinking of mind with that dummy said to you that night, that fucking idiot. that was sitting there that lost all his clients that everybody fired him that fucking Barry whatever's

fucking name is that came in and tried to be cute on your expense you know what I'm saying I've bust your balls but I love you he was disrespectful that night he'll never come back I never want to see that fucking idiot I always thought he was a fucking idiot anyway but that night you were stoned you couldn't really say much and he's like Lee'll never be a good manager

that da da da da da da da da da da da lao he knows more about the internet than any of these fucking managers leek will walk into three yards and if they were lucky if they gave Lee 75,000, like they know, what do we do to get our clients on the internet? Because anybody knows if you're on a TV show right now, that shows when it comes to an end.

Yes. And you want to hold on for these people. That's where the computer comes in. Because if not six years from now, you'll be Janet Jackson. You'll be, you know, you don't have a voice in this. This internet is where you need a voice in right now. TV shows, yeah, you can do a TV show for eight years. Nobody knows who the fuck you are.

Tell a story about mugging a hooker. and we went in the fucking cemetery and all some people start coming the fucking show. So I've learned a great deal from this podcast. But anybody who came out from this podcast and supported me Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, you know me, man. I thank you with all my heart.

But at the end of the day, Lee stole the fucking weekend. He really did. I give credit with credit. I was high. I break your balls. I do a lot of shit because I love you. And I got to tell you, you lifted. You went farther than what I thought you'd do.

you weren't fucking farther and beyond, man. So without you, none of this would be possible. So thank you very much. You stole the fucking weekend. And I'm a man. No, no way. I tell people how things are,

and I tell you both fucking ways, George Perez. We only have one way to fucking do it, you know? Yeah, straight up. Hey, good fucking shit, Lee, take it. I mean, I appreciate it. It's always nice to hear that, but it's just... Everybody came in here and salt with this fucking kid. You know, these fucking managers and agents,

they think they walk on water. And they don't know that part of this fucking luck, and the fucking idiots you know and part of this shit. After the people you see on Comedy Century ain't fucking funny. After people you see on fucking TV, never make you fucking laugh at your life and they're making millions of dollars. But that's not the fucking point.

Their luck is better than our fucking luck, okay? We make our luck happen. That's a different... You don't want? I'm never going to be on Netflix. Netflix don't like me. Well, I'm not going to give people a special, fuck.

I'll give them a special $5 a fucking piece. Fuck, hey, there's other openings. We have good fucking times. That's what this is about. That's what the society is about right now. You're going to lose your fucking fucking. fucking job pretty soon. You're going to lose it to the Japs?

What the fuck? You're going to lose it to? You better make your own way. This is when your dream kicks into effect, and you get your dream to pay the fucking bills. That's a transition. It's getting your dreams to pay your fucking bills. You know,

he really hit it out of the park. He really, this kid really hit it out of the park. Good shit. And I could tell it came out good then, so you're fucking excited. It did come out good. And he ran the whole fucking thing with John Salami.

Yeah, John killed it. John isn't here, where he was really cool. I've been out of TV production for a while, but this past week it was fucking fun. Like, John just is great, and it was just so much, I see it, like, whenever I worked in TV or I've been places with you,

I see how much extra stuff is put in. And I do ask, well, like, I sometimes ask you stuff just to test the waters. But I didn't really, I don't know what I did. I kind of, I just like you do your thing, and make sure the cameras were on. It was just your behavior before that, even the flyers,

the 70 pens in the dollar store. Well, fucking, we were talking for two weeks. We were going to do a questionnaire. I made up the questionnaire. I emailed them. I wanted to see how you were going to act on this one. This was going to be a real test for you. You know, we've done the

podcast, we've done a documentary, we've done two CDs, we've done now a special. Yeah, I remember that CD you did at Sal's comedy. You remember that old ass one? We never used that. Oh, shit. It was terrible. But you had a lot of actors there that day.

Oh, we had the dude there. Yeah, but it was terrible. I couldn't put that out. The guy still calls me. He's like, I could save it, though. There's nothing to save. There is nothing to save. That was one of those comedy and nice dog where you think you got it.

You ever have that? Fuck, yeah. And you got this. I got it. I got enough of the interior. I got enough shit. I remember being up to that night. Just dying.

No way. Dying. Dying. Dying. Dying. A slow fucking dead. Hey, but that's good, man. 10, 10 of 2010.

That was five fucking years ago. I was a complete different comedian. Yeah, I was fresh out. Fresh out. I was just transitioning into storytelling a little more and trying to slow them down. I was at a place. I had no fucking idea. So you've been out five years now, yeah, I've been out five years, man.

And how about parole? I'm done. I've been off parole for two years. How's it feel? Fucking Phil White. You know what I mean? Privileged again. Now, for how long were you in the system the first time?

The first time I ever got locked up, I think I did like four months. And then there was still pro- how long they were probation. Yeah, you do that year probation bullshit, but then you get a quick job and then get you off. And then the second time I did a county year, eight months. And after that, they give you that little gang enhancement. You know what I'm saying? You get the badge. And, yeah.

We shot a special. Yes. Called whatever the fuck it was. Yeah. Paiaso. And then you got arrested. How long after that? Once it is.

Well, I was, I really got arrested before that special. I was fighting. I got bailed down. I was fighting my case when we did that special. Yeah. And then, like, I think it's eight months later, I get locked up. And then it comes out while I'm locked up. That was a crazy shit that the guards were like,

I seen you on Showtime last night. And I was just like, fuck. I wonder if they're going to send me money, you know? Yeah, that was insane, man. That was insane. But it was good to see you up there. I got to see you in a lot of shit. Nobody believed, like, I knew you.

You don't know that guy. But it was crazy because I didn't take that seriously that night. That was the night after Thanksgiving. Yeah. I basically shot that for Coke money. I remember. They had an after party. I gave my room heat of Marilyn's husband,

and I did 90 all the way home to catch the Coke guy. I remember we got there, and me and Edwin showed up, and you were like, You, I should have called you guys. They've had me here since seven. This is some, me and Edwin, I thought like an 8.30. And you were just like, fuck this shit. I want to get out of here.

I want to get out of here. That was, that was fun, though. Hey, we had fun. We had fun. We had fun. We killed it. That's still really popular, like, on Netflix. Oh, please. When that thing went on, like, people were just staring at me.

They didn't know what I was saying. Spanish people don't really like that dirty type stuff. Now, but they gave it up. They really don't. They really fucking don't. Because they giggle for a couple of minutes, then the Catholicism comes out. It's like the Bible belt. Once you go to the Bible bell, you'll make him giggle for eight minutes,

but they're like, what the fuck am I giggling? I'm like sex. I can't be laughing at this. I go to church every Sunday. Then you're doomed. Hey, can you pull up to see what he's wearing, though? He's wearing an old school black sweater with some blue jeans and some like, I fucking still fight boots. Listen, dog, that's all that fit in those days.

In those days, I used a row. take three pair of pants, two sweatshirts, and two pair sneakers, and all the Big Daddy clothing wear I could fucking find. Wow. I spent every dime in those days on blow. Those last couple years, I lived off Big Daddy clothing wear, four or five pair of jeans. I go to Miami and go to, what's that, Old Navy? Old Navy.

Old Navy had 1995 fucking pants for me, the Fat Man pants. They had the last size. I would buy Old Navy pants and not wear a belt or buckle them. and just put the zipper all the way up because I could save a ton of fucking money. You have no fucking idea. I went to that night thinking this was not going to get picked up. God bless God Montoya. God bless God Montoya because I fucked up.

I let him down. And I've always thought about that. How look at those pants. You killed, though. You killed. I didn't fucking kill. Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did.

I was fucking embarrassing. Yeah. You know what's crazy is everybody from that group did something. but me because I got locked up. I didn't do shit after that. Yeah, you did? What did I do after that? And do nothing.

One did we shoot that? 2000 what? 2004? No, 2006? Really? 2006? Malon died in 2007. Yeah,

something like that. It came out of 2007. But we did it in 2006. Yeah. Some ghetto ass theater. Nine fucking years ago. Yeah. Oh my God.

I was out of control. Mm-hmm. That was the point. I was out of control. He'd call me up. Hey, your Uncle Joey needs some rent money. Let me know when the rooms are open.

Yeah. Back then, his message on his voice note was like, don't, don't you even dare. If you ain't got money in the envelope or a Jew or you're my lawyer, don't leave a fucking message. I would torment people to let the fucking message. I was in such bad fucking shape. You would not believe it.

I think back to that night, like, I didn't want to be there. I didn't know what I was going to say. As soon as he said, 2000, I was like, I'll be there. I'm really, $2,000? All right, fuck, I'll take that. And a showtime wine bottle. Yeah, the Showtime Wine bottle. At least they took care of us.

It was a nice little shoot. Yeah. We had a little room, a little cute room. It was a great theater. You know, you learned from all those things. I still remember shooting K-Loco. No, the one before that. The local comedy jam.

I was on there with you. No, before that, the one that Pat Buck was there for Jeff Valdez. And I wanted me to work clean on CTV. I did two of those, one with Ari. Oh, wow. At the studios in Glendale. Wow. Remember that one with Ari at the studios in Glendale?

The host was like Willie, Carlos Oscar. It was, I forgot what that was. And then we shot K-Locos. I shot one of those. They hated me. I did terrible that night. No way. Oh, that was the Spanish night at the ice house.

I used to avoid it like the plague there. Avoid it like to play. Even if it, I'd only take the 40 bucks if I, God damn it. I would go up there ready to bomb. The same thing with Monday nights at the laugh at the last night. I was a $25 check in those days. Wow. The following Monday.

So Gilbert put me up every fucking Monday. God bless his fucking soul. Even though James Misada didn't like me. Yeah. Every fucking Monday that cuck sucker put me up. I used to get you up at my, the patio, remember El Patio? El Patio. Wednesdays.

On Wednesday. That shit would crack. Hot womenly. Hot women. I was young. I was crazy back then. I was like a cholo, but I was like a baggy clothes cholo back then. I was active.

And then, well, your buddy Ernie G had the room in Universal City on Mondays. That was a good room. The conga room. The conga room. That was a good room. I did a lot of good jokes. in that. I really did. Every Monday,

and Ernie got a lot of problems, but he'd always give me the small 20 of a large 25. You know, he'd always save me. I remember going there one night, Doug, with no fucking dough. No dough. No dough. And getting 20 from, I was leaving

the next day to do the longest yard. And Jeff gave me 45 bucks. I wanted to Jeff, I see you like a man. I go, Jeff, I'm going to New Mexico. I don't have no dough. Jeff goes, I give you a tip in my pocket, like, 46 bucks. Damn.

You know I went and bought a 20, and I kept 26 of it. And I took the 25 from Rney G, and I bought weed. It was fucking terrible. Jeff Valdez, Jeff Garcia, gave me the money to take to New Mexico the next day. The $20 I had was Jeff Garcia. How's that for you? On a Monday night, at the fucking whatever that was up there, which was great, the Congre Room. They had little snacks for us.

Yeah. Remember a lot of places had snacks fees in those days? And it was like a little, like, weird old guy that ran it. Remember his buddy back then? That guy who ran. What the fuck guy? Again, you're spilling shit. It didn't spill.

What happened? Some little weird guy used to run that club. I was such a rookie back then. You know, we were talking about Texas last week and how much, how much, I cut my comedy teeth in Texas. I really did. Texas was El Paso. Texas had so many, fuck, so much comedy in those days. Pain rooms.

Pains. I would go to Texas and stay for four fucking weeks just driving through Texas. A bunch of little rooms. I go to Conroe. I go to fucking Midland. I did every other, the fucking water, but Victoria. I did every little town in Texas. And they would fucking hate me, but they feed me afterward. The comedy fucking journey. It really is a weird journey. How many sets do you think you've done? You figure for 10 years, 10 to 12 years, I did 300 plus a year. I've been doing this for 24. You know my work ethic.

Right now, if I go on the road, I do five a week plus the one at the comedy store. That's six. If I go on the road twice in a month, that's 12. If I stay in, I do three a week plus one at the last factory. So that's 8 and 12 is 20 a month. Even now I'm still doing 250. You've got to do 250 to maintain. If you're a fucking real comic, listen, I know what it's like to do comedy six times a month and call yourself a comic.

I know what it's like to do comedy 10 times a month. I know what it's like to do comedy 20 times a month. When you do fucking comedy 20 times a month, you got a lot of ups and downs, but you're getting on stage and working out. Do you think you've done it like 5,000 times maybe? Fuck, yeah. You figure 300 times 20.

What's 300 times 20? Let's figure it the fuck out. Because there were years I did 363. When I first got to L.A., the first three years, I was averaging $350,000. I was averaging $350, $3.34. Damn. Because I was at the store five nights a week, plus the two at Willys, plus the one over here.

Yeah. Rudy's room. I was doing 10, 9, 7 fucking sets a week hosting at the store. It's a complete difference. For a year, I did you do two once a week. Then I started picking it up twice a week, and I could see a little bit of improvement. Now there's some weeks I hit three times a week. And that's a good fucking week, man.

Yeah. You sit there going, wow. Wow, I'm moving better. You know, I can't wait to get up to six times a week. That's like comedy. You know, you do it every day. You want to do it when you have a passion like that. You do it just the way you do breathing.

You know, I don't understand a comic that does not get on stage. Yeah, I go up about five times a week. You know, me, I used to have five rooms. But you used to go up 12 times a fucking week. Oh, yeah, I used to be an adult. Yeah. If they're available. If I don't do a podcast, I'm out.

If I didn't do this on Monday night, I'd have been picking up two sets. sets tonight. Plus two more sets on Wednesday. That's four. Plus the Tuesday at the store is five. Thursday at the store is five. Friday, I take off and six a week. That's 24 a fucking month. And that's the only way to fucking do it. When I lived in Denver, I did 16 sets a month and I had to work like a dog. That's karaoke. When I went to Seattle, I kicked it up to 30 a month. And I could feel the improvement, the improvement just, you know, and then you go on a triple run for six weeks. where you start a joke on a Tuesday and by Saturday you got a bit if you're working. If you're working, if you're in your car with your notebook making notes and smoking dope, that's what the triple runs are for. Nobody's going to see you. You're in Missoula, Montana. Who's going to see you up there? CBS, you could say whatever the fuck

you want out of your mouth. There's some clubs that are Mormon, so you've got to be careful to tell you on the way in. But that's what a comedian does. You get on a fucking stage. Fuck, yeah. I rode everything. I don't know. That's nothing this. motherfucker that he got up on stage and blew it up Friday on Saturday, Saturday before the special on Sunday. That's what's up?

How much time did you do? Five fucking minutes. That's awesome. He wiggled. That was fun. He took an edible on stage. Oh, shit. You know, and that's what a lot of, I think that's a mistake of a lot of people who come

to town. You know, a young comic, you've got to be at the store on Monday night. That's a young guy, trying to hustle, hello, goodbye. I'll tell you what, before you hear you. the store, you hit a fucking coffee shop or you hit an open mic somewhere. Just to get the set out of the way. Just to get the number out of the way. I'm here before I'm

going to the store. Right. Now you go mingle. Now you go mingle. You have a drink. You don't have a drink. Do you get on stage? These comics that have a drink and mingle, I don't do nothing. Even in those days when I was fiended out, I don't do nothing until I get on stage. Once you get on stage, then you talk and you fucking laugh and you giggle.

Until you got on stage, that ain't nothing to fucking giggle about. You know, when I was a young comic i get up at seven in the morning listen when i was a thief when i was a thief i get up at seven of the morning i go you know what i got four dollars for breakfast but i got to figure out what my next score is for the day when you become a comic

and you open your eyes beside your first thought of the day which is i'm alive i can't believe it i did coke last night is where am i doing comedy today that's it while you're pissing while you're pissing you're like it's tuesday

who do i got a call You're already planning your fucking comedy day. Hell yeah. You're already planning your fucking comedy day. At 7 in the morning, you're already thinking to yourself, okay, it's Tuesday. I'm going to go here tonight. I'm going there tonight. I don't have nothing to do.

I don't have no audition. I mean, it's someone going over there. He's picking me up. Who am I driving up there with? It's fucking amazing. That's why I get blown away at people who don't do much. And then they're like, nothing's happening. Well, because you're jumping this motherfucker.

Call somebody. We, Felipe, you. there was a handful of us that were out five nights of our Edwin, Jeff. Edwin, Jeff goes out still. I know, I see him. He's going to be at second base tomorrow. He doesn't give a fuck.

Yeah, he loves it. He loves it. Every night. He'll do second base to the ha-ha. Yeah. This is a guy that's been doing comedy 20 fucking years, ladies and gone. He is a driver now. Why he can't drive?

No, it's just that he's like, he's going to get fucked up. So he has his assistant drive him to all the clubs. And like, hey, we're going to get fucked up. but you can't. And she's pretty. It's that one girl. It always hangs around and Samantha. Yeah, Samantha.

Is that his assistant? No, it's his babysitter and his assistant. Okay. He multitask her. And it's crazy because, like, they're there and they're out partying, but it's cool, Jeff. I love that, dude. He's, he's, he don't care. He's working.

He don't care. He's working. God bless him. Yeah. Frazier Smith. Yeah. He's out every night with that su-off. Fucking bang.

He does a radio show, Sundays are 11. You know. This is a guy that's been doing it for 30 years because this is secondhand for you. You know, you know, I went to Vegas this weekend. And I worked out hard all week. So Friday, I took the day off. Saturday I was doing the special. I go, you know what?

I'm not going to work out. The biggest fucking mistake I made on Saturday. Yeah, because that energy, you didn't get that energy. I didn't get that energy. And then Sunday, I said, fuck it. I'm going to go fucking work out, you know. And it's so weird. weird that when you don't work, like, I was confused after I ate lunch Sunday.

Something wasn't white, right. Would you eat? Nothing. I had a salad. Oh. But I went to my room and something wasn't right. I go, I know what this is. I took a baby ass, but I wrapped my wrist.

And I went right to that fucking gym. And when I left it, I was like, how did I do Sunday night? It was good. It was different. A lot fucking better and different. Fuck, yeah. You know, because it becomes second nature. Working out, I don't, it's how you look at things.

Fuck, yeah. It's always how you look at things. You can look at things. work or you can look at things like I'm going to go fucking have fun I fucking hate getting on a plane when I got to go do comedy I always talk to myself I try to talk myself out of it and shit but then I realize it's going to fucking be fun I'm going to go to a hotel I'm going to eat something good from the area I'm going to work out I'm going to smoke pot I'm going to get to see some people from Twitter I'm going to crack some jokes try a few new jokes in the worst

case scenario I bring a check home who fucking lives like that who gets to crack joke and mingle and fucking bring a check home but plus you didn't do poorly on Saturday. You killed it Saturday. But the energy was completely different than Sunday. But Sunday wasn't, I don't think would have been a bit... A couple people walked out. I got an email dog.

Yeah. Guy hit me up today. He's like, listen, man, I went to see you from recommendation. Me and my wife and 10 other women walked out. And she said, he goes, Cosby worked clean. Why can't you? So I said, first of all, I'm happy that you and those fucking hags left. As a matter of fact,

Cosby's a rapist, you fucking idiot. And next time, have your wife sent me the email and go put a tampon on it. Something crazy. Because it's true. Who writes an email like that? I'm a Monday fucking morning for somebody. Me and my wife left. Fuck you and your cunt wife.

You should have let her go and you stay. You could have had a good time, but you haven't got no fucking balls. You got up and left with her. You wanted to hear a good pussy joke and take your wife upstairs and fuck her in the ass. That's exactly what you need. Somebody has sucked that fucking twat dry and squeeze the fucking Christian juice out of that fucking pussy. And that's the end of that fucking pussy. And I didn't like him because he was dirty.

That's what the problem with those women is. That's nobody's taking them and tackled him shoulder down and ripped those fucking panties off. Fuck. Fing it that motherfucker and then put your mouth on that thing. Suck that fucking motherfucker. You're choking, you're spitting back in it, you're sucking your own spit. They hear all that shit.

They're like, this motherfucker. This motherfucker is running shit. Where's Tony Bennett Cox suckers? Hell yeah, man. The girls I'm with, they call me prison dick. Fuck yeah. No what I mean? Get that burpee action going.

My houseland fucking attitude and shit. I want to be around. It's Monday, cock sucks. Just pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Fucking old bitches of this shit. This guy's still singing at 80. Wow. As I.

Are you fucking kidding me? Lee La Rooke in the fucking house My ladies and gentlemen. Keep it up. Keep it up. We go rock. Another fucking star this weekend was my girl, Liz. Fucking photographer,

extraordinary. Came out on an email. She was dynamite. She was trying to pervert Lee. Poor Lee was hiding in his room. And shit, he was scared to be alone with it. Oh, yeah. Fucking Lee.

Lee had a little crush on it. She's cute as fuck. We have a little crush on it. She was telling Lee dirty things. His head almost his gloves and shit. She was spitting game at you. you didn't do that. No, she has a boyfriend.

She has a boy from her. Oh, okay. But she's cute as fuck. I want to thank that too. That's what's up. I was taking a fucking pictures. It was a nice time. I had a nice time with her.

I still don't like working Sundays, though. Why? I fucking hate it. I hate flying Monday. Oh, yeah. I know why, too, because you told me you always like to be home Monday to start the week off. I start the week off in your own fucking bell.

What are you making a nice for? I got a good idea. What happens? No. Well, What if we released? Because we recorded Sunday But they didn't

Everyone has the day off So we didn't have the lights What we could release that one As like a I still don't like working Sundays So like the lighting doesn't even look that good And it's like kind of a weird People are walking out

Go back to your fucking coma Look at the shape of you You fuck I love it How many nights is this in a row You've been going straight since Friday I have no idea Wednesday?

Yeah, but you were off Thursday. Thursday, you went to Vegas. You fucking mucked around. You lost money. You even won money gambling this fucking Jew this weekend. Oh, yeah? Yeah, the two-team Polly and football, he didn't fuck around. Oh, shit.

He had Dallas with Romo breaking. When you fucking take Dallas and Romo breaks his fucking collarbone, and he's still covered him. You're a bad motherfucker. Straight up. It's Russia, Shauna. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's good.

But, man, what about you? I didn't do dick. I didn't gamble? You just kicked it or what? Not gambling. was the special the special was fucking tremendous with you guys and joyful out of came

my buddy from jersey and it's funny dog he's got a he had a cousin that died god rest of soul he's my brother I loved him with all my heart he was a 24 hour fucking criminal bro but this guy was my biggest comedy supporter okay and here I am 15 years later with his fucking cousin

there with me I was at one point I was like what it's just like a spirit here the fucking guy he was there He was fucking there, Darren. It was a great time, man. What about Edwin? Did you see Edwin?

I didn't see Edwin at all. Last time I saw everyone in that casino, he sparked the fucking joint. I almost choked him, bro. Sparked the joint in the fucking casino. Wow. You're embarrassing me. This is why I do comedy.

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't see anybody. I didn't fucking even go to it. They do like a comics reunion. I didn't go to the midnight. Listen, man, I got up at 4 in the fucking morning to go to Las Vegas Friday morning.

Damn. I did a show. I fucking did interviews. I made calls. I tried to write. Then we shot like a pseudo fucking special just to run through. When I got out of there, what would be good? We went an eight.

Yeah. And we went back to the room and I went to fucking sleep, Jack. You know, I'm tired. Yeah. You know, I can't fucking stay out no more and drink. I have two drinks that get heartburn. You can fucking heartburn, man. You know how bad I want a margarita, but I normally have heartburned because these

motherfuckers put that sweet and sour bubble fucking drink in there. I want the real shit. I want a quantro with some fucking top shelf motherfucking tequila and some homemade fucking lime juice and shit. Where you squeeze the fucking limes? That's the margaritas I'm used to drinking.

These fucking Harvey homos, they put fucking that sweet and sour mix. That shit will give me assing digestion for 12 fucking years, not even get fucking assing digestion. I don't suffer from fucking hydrogen. But every time I have a margarita with that shit in it, this guy said he had a,

what'd you have that was horrible? A long island that all of his left. Dog, I used to eat quailout and drink Long Island when I was like 17 at Janeros and Hoboken. I used to get fucked up, dog. A good Long Island, four light alcohol, some sweet and sour. You get fucked up. You topped that motherfucker with some good shit. You shake that nigga up.

Stop it. Stop it with some fucking gorilla biscuits. You get fucked up, Jack. I would love to be able to drink a good fucking, what is that? Long Island. It's everything. It's the four light alcohols. A little bit of Coke and fucking sweet and sour.

Who do you think you're dealing with? Some fucking novice. But that's what I'm saying? It's like, what is it? Four, six shots all in one. It's a big drink. It's a big fucking drink. It could taste like asshole or it could taste delicious.

There's some people that make a fucking Long Island that you don't even taste it going down. Look, I was drinking makers and Cokes all night. And I got sober when I had the Long Island. There was no alcohol in it. It was pretty crazy. I remember when I was 17 We used to sniff paint That was the old school

That was the Cholo shit back then You'd get that Dutch boy gold Put it in the brown bag How fucked up is it? It's like about like smoking five blunts All that was Now why do you get pimples on your neck Because sticky Charlie

This kid when I was a guy Whenever we used to make him smoke paint Oh yeah He would snort like rustolium Yeah He would snort fucking rustolium dog And he would get after like a week He would get zits on his neck

Because he's scratching himself Something like boils. They were like blisters. Plus, like when people touch dope, it's in your hands and it goes in your pores. That's why a lot of tweakers, they scratch your heads, and they get these big old scabs. I used to get that. I'm my head on my face, my leg. I just feel fucking splinters in my face.

I'd be picking that motherfucker at the 4 in the morning with the Coke. Yeah. Fucking squeezing shit and guts out of my face like an animal. That's why I'm all fucking scarred up. I can't believe you. snorted pain. I thought about it. Why? I ate fucking cat food at a party one night and smoked a cigarette.

That type of shit. You know what are you not supposed to do? I don't know. They say you get fucked up. He threw his cat food out of a bag and you smoke some fucking cigarettes and something in a fuck shit up. I was like fucking 12. What the fuck did I know? You know what I'm saying? Dude, the crazy shit I did recently is I didn't know, but this guy cut coke with Adderall.

Oh, fuck. Is it crazy? It's like the, I don't know, it's like I don't know. It'd be like smoking speed and then someone snuck in like a big old rock hit. So it was like you're up,

but then you were like panicking. You know what I mean? You were like tweaking and then like, but you were in panic mode and it was just like, what the fuck? No, no, no, no, no. That doesn't sound good. I know.

That's what fucked it up. But then like, it would fade away. It was weird. It was fucking weird. I remember I said it to like six in the morning. George, I wish that I'm not. I'm not proud of this, but I wish that everybody got to taste cocaine in 1980.

Oh, fuck. And what would it do to you? I heard it was... What they did to the cocaine to get more out of it and what the chemicals they put. I hear that there's some coke going around that eats your skin. Yeah. With this thing, it was up in the northeast. Oh, my God.

You know, I was doing Coke towards the end that was fucking half speed. I was doing Coke that, you know. Yeah. You know. Why should I be sweating and fucking jaun and drank at 6 in the morning? No. In 1980, when you did a blast, like, first time I did cook, I didn't get fucking high at all. I didn't know what the fuck people were talking about.

I thought people were playing a trick on me. Like, everybody's like, this shit is tremendous. I'm like, this is here you go white people faking. First, he was laughing at Saturday Night Live. That shit ain't funny. And now you're telling me this shit gets you high and you feel like you're floating. Once I had a drink with it. Yeah, that's what it gets you.

That's when it fucking zoomed me, my sure. That's true. I still remember, and I talked to my cousin, the cousin that didn't call me back, I got very hurt. And one day out of the blue, I got a call. And he goes, dog, I don't check my Facebook. My girlfriend found my old Facebook and found the message. And we were talking, you know, we've been getting cozy and cozy and I asked him. I go, remember the time you picked me up in the airport, you took me to the trailer?

and there was an old man that was like fucking 16. He was fucking a 16 year old chick and he had a stroller. Tough. And he was doing coke with a robot. It was fucking tremendous to see. And I asked him, did he want to do a bump? He's like, no, no, no, no, I've been bumping myself on afternoon. He was Cuban and shit.

I remember he gave me some coke dog that all our eyes were ready. Wow. Like, I never forget, sit in the car. I had just gone off the airport. Nobody smoked pot. And we did two little bumps and we drove and we had to pull. low, but that's how high you used to get. You couldn't see your vision played

with you. Yeah. Like your vision played with you and the taste going down your throat. When you go... Yeah, it's a rap. I mean, Lee cocaine from 80 to 85 in this country was amazing. And then what happened?

They couldn't snuck. They couldn't sneak ether into Columbia. So they started cutting it with turpentine and gasoline. Oh, five. And that's where crack came in. That's why people go, I can't snort this shit.

Dog, I bought nine ounces from Danny B. one time. They called it cat piss. This Coke was electric. You got fucked up on a little taste. But you could only do four bucks. The smelling your nose was horrific, dog. I would cut it, and people were bringing it back.

It was fucking horrendous. You take that Coke. You rock that shit up with some paint. And you sell $10 rocks all day. people don't give a fuck that because it burns that shit out when you smoke it. So that's where the flavor went. And they even explain that to you on Narcos. That the hardest part,

the only thing they don't tell you on Narcos is how they were processing Coke in Cuba. They figured out how to get ether into Cuba 90 miles away. So it was a lot of ether easier process the Coke. So now that Coke that tasted good went up. And the Coke that tasted shitty was down. So when you went to buy Coke from a real deal, go I got two options for you. Yeah.

I got this shit for $110, or I got this shit for $90. And the shit for $90 was sensational. It just had a weird taste to it. It had like gasoline taste or a turpent, or it's not like feet, cheese. Some people had cheese Coke for a while. It was unbearable. So, but that was my question. The good Coke still exists.

It's just more expensive. Yeah, it still exists if you get it from, like, people that get it from, like, Mexico. But if you're getting it from another race, it's been. I think Mexicans are. cutting that with something. They're making, they're doing something. They're making amphetamine in Mexico.

I was in Texas. Last time I was in McCallan, forget about it. Over there, oh, fuck. Over there, like weed was the hardest thing

to find. Coke was like, everybody had it. Everybody has. There was like eight feet in the stall. You ever go by a stall and you see eight feet? It was like,

oh, yeah. I took Bush. The towns are brutal. Yeah, I took Butch Escobar with me. He only ate twice. And how many days?

Four. Remember I told you we stayed at that guy's house and he had the Jesus foot with the nail in it? He's still book in the room. Yeah. But you don't stay at the house no more. Where do you stay? You stay at the ghetto hotel. I'm still not going down.

No. I was scared. I was fucking a cop back then when I went. It was crazy. It was crazy. I'll tell you later. A cop down there? Yeah, from West Laco.

You still talk to him? Nah, I started dating someone, so I stopped. But, you know, I was only down there twice. It's, it's, that's when you do brawley. No, you don't do brawley. You do McAllen, Westlaco, and you do La Jolla. And La Jolla. And La Jolla, is like 30 miles from the border.

I would even say 30. I would say like three, three miles from the border. And there's no security guards. It's all like Border Patrol, like at the bars. And it was weird. It was the first time I didn't care if I didn't get paid. I remember I performed and I got off stage and I was like, I need to get out of here, dude. Like, I need to get out of here.

Me, Joey, me. I can tell everybody looked at me. They're like, hey, homie, you ain't from around here. The Mexicans over here don't have Nikes. You know what I mean? It was weird. I was like, they gave me my money, though, and they were like, hey, let's go. And then it was crazy.

No, there's some places I've been to that you're like, you know what? I won't be coming back in. I know these motherfuckers are going to be ready for me. Street up. You know, they're going to know, figure out I'm at a hotel, and then getting paid with cash, and it's fucking crazy, Lee. It's fucking crazy. You really, you know.

You can see the hunger in their face. One time, I had a problem one time up north. The football coach that used to book Friday nights, the one time me and Rodrigo and Felipe went, and I thought I bought Coke, but I bought Matt. I did it anyway. I got fucked up in that room. I was chewing those cigarettes.

I was lighting them, and you could see him going, like put them off. There was so much smoke in the room. Felipe's like, bro, you have to open up the door. That's how much smoke there was in the fucking, I had three packs of camel lights. I was smoking one after the other. I was fucking.

Fuck, yeah. That's what that speed does to you, man. Oh, my God. I remember we used to smoke it out of like a water bong. My friend would put root beer. And we put ice cream in. And when speed tastes good, you don't know how much you're smoking. That was some fucking insane shit.

We still cars back then. You would make roopier float. And how do you snort the speed of it? No, you don't. You burn it. It's like a bong. Because you have it in a glass stem that has a hole. And then you have another stem that's going into the water and the ice cream of the bomb.

So the smoke is hitting that. And then you're sucking it out. It tastes like a root beer Hell yeah Root beer And you're eating fucking meth Like a mother I've never smoked meth

Oh my Let's go smoke some meth And then Lee I'm upset man I'm okay That was back then though I didn't know You know what I mean

Remember when you didn't know What you were doing was bad You're like Hey man No one else did it You know what I mean Like hey I want to finish my homework

And one day Fuck it Let's go It was crazy back There was something about Speed did it if it was around, but it wasn't my first choice. Yeah, exactly.

I sold black beauties in high school. I was telling Lee. And then in 80 and 80, when I was in high school, one night, I went to a strip club, and some bikers were there. Some guy asked me, followed by speed, and I bought some crank, whatever they called. Yeah, crank.

That's exactly it was called back then. It was, uh, it wasn't a powder. It was like little chunks. It was like that peanut butter brown. I bought, no, this is white. This is all. white in Jersey. This is 1980. And I bought a gram for like 80 bucks. And then we did it.

We got fucked up. But it wasn't my calling. And I didn't do it again. To Idaho. I went to the Boise, Idaho funny bone. I was opening up for Christopher Titus. Oh, wow. The waitresses were real cool. It's a hippie town at the time. The waitress took me to this bar to drink pitchers. I'm like, man, I go for a bump.

And she said, I can't get your blow. but I got tons. And they used to put you in this historic hotel that was like there from the 1800s. When I went up to that fucking room, that room started creaking. Those floors started creaking. I was up for three fucking days on two little lines of crank. And you know why I watched on television that night without knowing? Joe Rogan was on The Dirty Dozen on Showtime.

Oh, shit. Hosted by Dom Herrera in 1998. That was a series. They did 12 episodes, The Dirty Dozen, just three comics, the show and I remember seeing Joe Rogan on there and going, I don't know what a fucking guy is. With a hat on and shit. What the fuck? I was on speed that night.

The show came out of 11. I was thinking, how can I get on that show? I've been doing comedy. Maybe. 10? No. I had been doing, it was before L.A. It was way before L.A. 96.

Summer in 96. Yes. Yes, because we were all going to the Boisey, Funny Bone, from Seattle. That's when we and Josh Wolf robbed that restaurant. That's the alibi he had. He was at the Boise. The chick liked him.

The chick was a little hippie chick that thought she was a comedy guru. That bitch is long gone from comedy. And she used to book that room. That was a fun little fucking room, Boise. Boisey, Funny Bone, was a great little five or six days. But I did fucking heavy-duty speed up there. That was fucked up. Then I went to West Virginia on a creative run one night.

I asked these good old boys where I could get some shit. And they're like, take a wrap. hour this. I drove an hour into the weeds, dog, into a fucking trailer like breaking bad. I didn't know nothing about nothing. I gave the guy 40 bucks. He came out with a bag of that shit. I go, how good is this Coke? He goes, it's Coke. You don't sell coke around here. That shit is crank. I did it. I didn't give a fuck, Jack. And that shit burns your nose. Crank is, it's vicious. viciously, and you know what? And then when I got locked up. Oh, shit, you got it in there?

And I got locked up. There was a white dude, Clark. Either John Clark or Mike Clark. John Clark, solid white dude. Tatted up, six foot one. Everybody knew this motherfucker was out of his mind, but he was solid dog. And on Sundays, he'd go in there and swap spit with his girlfriend, and she'd leave the balloon in his mouth. Yeah.

And he'd come get me. Come on the clock. And I'd stay up all night Saturday, all night Sunday, visitation. And then all day, Monday. But Monday nights was basketball in the gym across the street. So I try to play basketball on the speed. That's a complete different dimension. Oh, fuck, your heart can't handle that.

Your heart can't fucking handle that shit. That's why when people go, Lawrence Taylor was playing on cocaine. I'm always like, I don't think so. If you've ever done blow. Yeah, not every quarter. No, you can't be fucking shooting and shit. Fuck, no. I couldn't imagine doing a line of coke and trying to shoot a 20-footer and shit.

Straight up. Or like trying to tackle the quarterback. Like, he's playing with the best of the best. Lawrence Taylor, he was taking some hits, but not all games. You think so? Yeah, he had to. He had to. I remember in high school I smoked speed like before a game once

just because it was just like, but I, oh yeah. You know, it's crazy. When I was a kid, Armando Rudy used to tell me, bro, wait, you play basketball and you smoke a joint. When you go to do a layer, you just keep going. And the ball rolls off your fingers. I'm like, oh, my God, how can you play basketball, smoking weed? First time I fucking did it, I fell in love with it. Anything smoking weed like that.

That type of shit where you could think and react different and see what the fuck is crackle-lack. What's up, Lisa, Iet? How are you feeling? What did you eat for dinner until I talk like that? I haven't had dinner yet because I slept all day. You slept all day? And then I went to the gym. You slept all fucking day.

Well, we had a fucking early flight. But you didn't. I didn't sleep. I slept good this weekend, though. I was making a morning in the breath. Let me tell you something about sleep. Let me tell you something about sleep. I fuck my sleep.

sleep up. Half of this stomach, it's not sleep. If you don't sleep, bro, your body don't burn. Your body doesn't do it. I didn't know this. I didn't know this at a young age. I thought that fuck these cunts that sleep eight hours, their fucking bullseys, they're missing life. You got to get your eight to seven every night.

Yeah, you got to charge the battery. You know, I remember last year I was getting a lot of weight. I remember, look, you know, that's when we were doing the church at fucking six. And then I would get up in five to fly out Thursday and then get up a Friday for radio in the East Coast, which is three in the morning, and then you're getting up at fucking Sunday to fly the fuck back. No, I had to cut it out. It was too.

I couldn't figure out why I was putting weight. I was weight watches. I lost 130 pounds on weight watches. Now I'm on weight watches, gaining fucking weight. I'm like, you know why? You don't fucking sleep. You don't fucking sleep. I tell you, man, last night I went to the hotel room.

I went all my sides, and something was coming on that I ran out of the watch. And I remember I said, click. I turned that motherfucker off. You know what I used to say? If I'm not in bed in 10 minutes, I'll put it back on. You can't do that. No. You got to fucking commit to fucking sleep.

And you know what? You fall asleep. You eat three stars. You smoke a joint. You'll fucking fall asleep. Unless you're retarded. Yeah. Unless it just jumps you up for 10 minutes.

I go home, I smokes a tea and drink a cup of coffee. I go, what goes up must come down. Nice and fucking debt. But that's big, man. That's why I'm doing better on the road. you look better you look rested yeah no bro I'm I'm the type of motherfucker that could go six nights on four hours and think it's cheap and that shit

you could do all the lifting you could drink all the water you could do whatever the fuck you want you ain't gonna be fucking healthy so now what I do is when I'm on the road I let myself stay up late you know what I'm not gonna fight I just did a show what do you want to do right I got nowhere I go tomorrow I go to bed at three dog I wake up at 6.30 I put a little cup of coffee on I do a little variety I smoke a fucking joint

I get two eggs with a piece of wheat toast and three slices of bacon or fruit cup I put on whatever the fuck is on my favorite show is gangland if it's Friday and I do that shit I got no radio I throw gangland on if you're on the East Coast gangland goes to three or four in the afternoon

I'm learning about everybody the M-13s and all knowledge on all the fucking gangs and then I go back to sleep to about 12 or 1 and dog three and three and four is seven. I'm good. Four solid. After a joint

and breakfast, two eggs put my shit right to fucking sleep. Yeah. And I did that all three days in Vegas, so I knew Monday morning I had to go right to an audition. I could not stay out fucking Friday night. I didn't want to eat late because I didn't want that shit in my stomach when I'm sleeping. That's another thing. You go to bed

at 12 and you eat a fucking sandwich. You're not going to fall asleep. Your stomach is digesting it. You're going to have nightmares that you're in the deli getting fucked in the end. You eat like a pepperoni sandwich late night, that spicy shit. Next thing in the deli and the sopranos are fucking you up the ass. You're like, why I had those type of dreams? Because your fucking whole bodies to try to fucking digest the food.

I used to love to eat late night, bro. I'm a fond believer. Right after comedy. Good fucking steak before you go to bed. You sleep like a baby. No, you don't. Your body's up all fucking night. You're sleeping.

You go on to the third decibel. You're supposed to hit six. You're on three. Do you look A1 steak sauce? It was all over the East Coast, and I haven't had it for years. and now I'm just remembering how disgusting it is. I've put A1 state sauceman. They used to be a place in New York City called Tad Steakhouse.

They got one in San Francisco, Kansas City. Let me tell you some 30 years ago, Dawn. You go into a Tad Steakhouse for $6.95. They give you a T-Bone, a baked potato, a salad, a thing, a jello, and a soda. It wasn't a bad state. It wasn't, you know. Was that a lot of money back then? Six bucks was like $15 now, $20 now.

Okay. So I go in there, and I tell they, the guy, yo, let me get a steak, and I look at them, I make, because they cook, the thing was, they cook the steak in front of you, but it was cafeteria stop. Oh, so I would tell the guy, I put a fin on the guy, dog. You know what I mean? Money talks and bullshit walks. I make eye contact with the guy, and right over the counter right there,

without nobody's seen, I'd give him a fin. He'd open up the tray in front of me, and I'd go pick the best one in that motherfucker, and I'd see him looking around for the thick ones, the ones they had hit, and they throw one of those things on for Joey, medium fucking well, He carried it down the fucking line. Wow. You pick up your tossed salad with In those days, I used to use French dressing.

When I was a kid, I loved French dressing. What color is that? Puk. Yeah. It's like that orange fucking puke with chunks in it. French and Russian, that was my shit when I was a kid, though. With some lettuce and some tomatoes and some raw onions, some salt and pepper. You mix that shit up good, that orange shit.

Fucking delicious. And you get jello with cube, and you put some whipped on that motherfucker. Wow. That's your old school meal. Oh, my God. I love jello. That's the white man in me. Oh, jello or whipped cream.

Halitina. Oh, shit. When I was in prison, they give jello on night. I'll give you my milk. I'll give you my milk for jello, dog. Give you milk. And it was like a good portion they gave you the jello. Yeah, it costs two fucking, it costs minus two cents.

For fucking ten cents, you can make a tray of fucking jell. You ever know what is that? You can eat jello for a year for a dollar 50. Get another can of whipped cream. Who's better than you? I fuck around with my jello. In the old days, they used to have a jello mix that you would make, and you had to get a glass and then tip it in the refrigerator.

Nobody remembers this shit. Nobody remember. You remember at least that? I had to be, like, hot or something? Chubby kids did that shit. You had to, like, boil it or something, and then put it in? And put it in, and the bottom would get dark, the middle, and they would get light. And you took one of that shit and put whipped cream on it.

Good, googly-moogly. Good, googly-moogly. Dang. Have you ever had an icebox cake? No. What is icebox? Oh, it's so fucking good. My friend's Filipino. She makes them for a living part-time.

The one my mom makes is just like the, instead of like the instant Jello, it's instant pudding, and you make that, and it's like layers of that and graham crackers, and then you put it in the freezer until it freezes, and then it's just that and whipped cream. Good, Google. That's amazing. Wow.

That's a fucking motherfucker up for three days. Where'd you grow up, George? I grew up in Orange County, Orange. And you play high school football? Yeah, I played basketball, football. and fucked around like motherfucker. You had all the recipes to be a regular kid, didn't you? Yeah.

You know, yeah, it was just, everybody that I grew up with was like, yo, man, there's another gang over there, so we're just going to make our own gang. And it wasn't even like race. It was everybody that lived on that side of town. Didn't matter Mexican black boy. Yeah, no, we had Mexican, Filipino, white, it was Indian.

Yeah, it was, it was fun. But, like, we weren't the kind of, of people that were like, hey, dog, like, if you got a family, you got to go, we're still friends, you know? We were just like, uh... They should do a gangland about you, like the next game. Hell no, I'll never get on that shit and talk. Nuh, gangland, that's for, like, people that want to be like, I don't even know those

guys are real. I don't think so easy. I look at it sometimes, I'm like, hey, homie, you ain't know, dude. Yeah, we were selling kilos. Then why are you fucking telling this story? Exactly. Like, what the fuck? Like, you get to say it and play it?

That's crazy. I sold some ounces. I was a loser deal. I didn't make a fucking dime. I snorted every fucking dime I ever made. Yeah. I was a loser fucking coat deal. I made money for a while,

and I'd turn it around. I'd make a little money and snort that motherfucker down. You know, the black crew from Atlanta, did you ever see that one? No. Or whatever brothers that had the party, they made rap videos, and they paid somebody a half a million to do a rap video.

Yeah. Those guys, like 20 of them. They all from Marzorotti's, and they can't. The twins, the two brothers. One brother, they found them in Miami, and the other brother. They had 92 cars. They designed the cars with the compartments in them so you could travel all around.

Some of those gang lands are fucking interesting as far. Yeah, yeah. I think the black ones are real. I really do. I think the black ones are real. I always watch those, and I always ask myself, why didn't I ever get involved with those people? When I grew up, there was no gang in the character. No?

There was a biker gang that when I was really young, a freshman, 8th grade, and I go up down, I'd walk past their house and then invite me in and they'd give me a beer. I don't know who the fuck they were. But gang is just kidding. Now where I live, there's Latin Kings. Yeah. Now where I live, I hear that there's Latin Kings. They come off in New York and they're in Union City.

And I saw something about Union City of Latin Kings. You will watch those shows and see it? I love those prison shows. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I've seen all of them. I can't watch them anymore. I've seen all.

No, there's a new one with guards. Yeah, the rookie. Guards and training. The rookie. That's just fun. They found the syringe the other night I was gonna watch the second one I was gonna watch the second one that's the show

I was gonna turn it off I like those shows so much I found there was a show on Netflix a while ago about the cops at Mall of America it's like a 12 episode one season show I watched all of it and they're investigating like sweatshirts

and crazy weird shit but it's just like those shows are so fun to watch but it's so scary I'm just surprised you guys watch them I watch them because, like, I lived it, and I want to see how accurate it is. At the end of the day, I give it, like, my overall rating. I'll be like, oh, shit, like, that really did happen.

Oh, yeah. I'm like a judge. Is that your rating? Like, this one gets the ocean. Yeah, like, hey, damn, dog. I remember something like that happened when I was there. So, yeah, it's pretty weird. For me, I watch it, and I think about the situation I got myself in the,

how bad it really could have been. I see those guys in 30 years. My first plea bargain was 12 years in kidnapping. One. Damn. He was a black attorney.

Sunny Flowers. In fact, somebody just hit me up. And he kind of like was part of them. You know, he was the black guy that, hi, hi,

I ain't doing, my name is son. So the first deal he came at me with was 12 years. And he came at me with kidnapping two and nine years. But a violent crime, you do nine years

in front of parole. man. So think about, my life would have been completely fucking different. Completely different. Just a couple years. Just a couple years,

six months, that day that some guy said something, I hit him with a shiv, and now you pick up another three, now you got a jacket, now you go somewhere higher, and you stab something,

you know, a thousand, that's, when I watch those shows, I get entertained, but at the same time, my mind's drifting, because I'm thinking, what if?

That's me, though. that's me. I watched the episode where the guy said something. He goes, and he stepped up to the police guy. I did that a few times, but I knew in the back of my head you're not getting nowhere. You're just having a bad fucking day.

You're just having a bad day. Hey, dog, put those sneakers away. Fuck you, bitch. Put those, what the fuck is wrong with you? I'm over here, right? And you don't even know, because there's days where these four walls do get to you. These 60 fucking guys or these hundred guys do get to you. Yeah.

You have bad. Bad days and good days. Is it scary when you see it? Because I saw a fist fight today. And it was like, kind of, I didn't know if I should go to the store or not. Like, people were just fighting outside of a store. You just walk in. Mind your fucking business.

Listen, if they're going to shoot each other, they're going to shoot each other within the first three minutes. They have guns. If they're out there swinging it out, if one guy goes down and he gets up and he runs to his car, then you fucking run. Yeah. But if he's not, you know, it's like that scene and good guys wear black in the beginning,

but the guy goes, let me go get money out of my car. And he gets a gun and he comes back. That's it. You got a problem. Once they go into the car, you start running like a motherfucker. That's got nothing to do with you. But a good fish fight,

you got to watch from time to time, just to see how fucked up it is out there. How fucked up and how quick this could happen? Straight up. How quick you could be walking with Paula down the street and some guy don't like that shirt, he's drunk, and he'll say something, he'll smack you in front of Paula.

How fucking fast that could happen. That's a reality. It could happen to me walking down the street with my wife. I walk in the route. There's two dudes. They're just having a bad day. One kicks me in the same. stomach. That's how fast. That's how fast.

That's how fast your life could change, man. The reason why I stopped playing blackjack last night was this dude came in and sat down next to us and said, hey, what casino in my end? And the thing about the South Point is it's not next to anything. It's not like the stripper. It could be in any of a thousand casinos. There's only one casino there. And he just started saying weird shit to the poor little, like 18-year-old dealer girl with blonde hair. He's like, I have rope.

somewhere. And he's like, he's like, I get kicked down up places. Like, he was just getting real creepy. Oh. I get kicked out. Listen, not for nothing. Every fucking casino is creepy as fuck.

Yeah? Listen, I don't care where you go, though. When you're walking to those casinos, you see people. Yeah, the vibe changes automatically. I don't care where the fucking casino they're at. From the SLS to the South Point. to that fucking hotel we saw

when we were pulling out when we were going with somebody were you with us? Or was me Joyful out and his wife were going to do MMA junkie on the way the Mandalay Bay? We saw a hotel. We're like, who the fuck stays in there? People stay in that, fuck. Vegas is the real deal. Holy field.

Listen, man, I want to give some shout-outs. My man, Bradford. Get well, cock-sucker. I know your Achilles tendon. Johnny and Laura, congratulations. I want to give a shout-outs. to my brother Burbank 818 fucking telling people to retweet and shit. Get it together, you fuckhead.

You know, I love you. My favorite fucking Armenian. Zach Bejork, Gustavo Sadeño, John Murphy, Daniel Riley, Amy, and my man, Dave, John Cutler for sending me a beautiful fucking Latin jazz CD. But the shout out this week goes to

Lisa Ayat and talking laugh. For fucking being the anchors of the special. This episode, shout out to you, my man. talking leather. He even brought me another but he couldn't take him. He brought me Oreos too. I brought him home. I still didn't dig into them. He got me

a strawberry shortcake. I mean, that guy is very good to me. I love him like a brother. Like I said, you meet people on this Twitter you should end up falling in love. I would move to Vegas because I knew that talking later was there. I knew that he had my back. You know those people that you call four in the morning, they're like, I'll be

there with a bazooka. I got some throwing stars. That's talking layer, you know? talking they would have like a little camera set up there just you already know like even before you called people like i'm already on the way joey no this just uh all that shit was great so it's five years you've been out think of all the things you did the five years george gress from the from the fucking shows with your boy from the 70s show well you did that before you got locked yeah i did that before i got so when you went to prison you were a celebrity there people wanted to fucking jam with you mama jokes and yeah nobody knew until like later like my last year and a half you did that before i half or two years maybe that's when everybody was just like hey dog we because like we found a way to get mtv three on our tv like the homie that did like electricity plug the main wire for like the dorm into the to the tv room so mtv tres comes out and it's your reruns of your mama and everybody's looking like is that fucking you and i was like yeah then after that it was just like bada bing

you know what i mean but i really didn't want no one to talk to me i i i really didn't want no one to talk to me I don't know. The less friends you have is the better, right? Why do you want to be celebrity in there? But it happened and I ran with it as far as like living life. I mean, it was cool, but it wasn't. At the same time, you know how it is. Other races are just like, I don't give a fuck if you're funny.

When did you get out to it? I got out in 2009. You know? Like I got locked up in 2006. For me, it's not who I was, but it's who I am. Like I got locked up. I'm not ashamed of it. I don't give a fuck.

I got locked up. I did something wrong. I paid my debt. At the time, I could have gone to a fucking Honduras and rented cars. And I could have come back now. Where would my life be? I wouldn't have my own life.

Now you'd be on the run still. You know, I remember months before the thing. I thought I was going to be the kidnapping case. Like, that's how delusional I was. I knew I wasn't going to take it to court. But I had a doubt.

I'm like, I'll kill the fucking victim, you know? I wanted him to disappear. I thought he would disappear on his own, but he didn't. He's still alive. But the point being that it's like, I still think about it once a day, every fucking day. At some point in a day, I think about my mother. I think about my friends, what they mean to me.

I think about doing that stretch, whether it's two minutes on the bus ride or, you know, laughing in jail. When you laugh in jail, you fucking laugh. Like, I laughed a lot. Those black motherfuckers are fucking. high, hilarious with a capital H. From, I remember my start,

for the first two weeks I didn't giggle or nothing. And then diagnostic, I would fucking how. Because there was a black dude that would call his wife every night, yell at it for 20 minutes. Like, it would start off, you know, like, yeah, I'm missing shit on a year. I'm over here with the Cuban and shit.

And then, like, you know, you call them and you get collect calls. Yeah. The conversation would turn after, like, eight minutes and they would start yelling at each other the phone and then he would go, fuck you bitch don't call back and he'd hang up on and he go to the cell and they go, she can't call you.

You just ended the phone call on a bad way. Now all night you're going to be thinking about that beef and you call you call that bitch back and apologize. Now you've got to write letters all night and make sure the fucking horse leaves on time at 5 a.m. It's a fucking nightmare to have an argument with your girlfriend's shit, but

that's not the point in hand. The point was how for me I wear it with a badge on it like if you go to Vietnam for me you come back with a medal that's what I did because it was I did get a medal from it no I got a medal from going to prison yeah it's an experience I got a medal

from going to prison because I did some with what I learned I talk about it today and I did something with it you know I was talking to talking lair and you're talking about success and what success is to me listen man I'm happy about one thing in this life I did something with my life

it's not even about success, guys. It's not about success. It's at 40 years old, you pay a mortgage. You're not the richest guy in the world. You got $2.80 in the bank. You got $600 in your Christmas club. You got a nice wife, a few kids. And so what?

You didn't become president. So what? You didn't make it to the Boston Red So what? You're not driving a Maserati. You're way better off than a lot of fucking people. And the most important thing, you did something with your life. these people that dream of being celebrities or wanted to see celebrities

or I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that that's all great and dandy but they're not happy with what the fuck they have I've been happy with myself for like fucking five years man just waking up in the morning who needs a million dollars that's what you need to make you happy

boy are you going to have a hard fucking life because that's what I thought until about 30 that's what I thought that if you didn't have 50,000 in your pocket you weren't going to have no friends then you realize who the fuck wants friends if I need $40,000. I want friends like this fucking

go cheer. That'll die, live and die for you. And he knows the same for me. We don't even fucking, you know, it's not like I fucking pay his rent and nothing like that. He works for his fucking money, man. So, it's so weird. Like, for me, I'm just happy that I'm not locked up.

I'm happy that I'm not living in a fucking basement before other guys smoking crack. Do you ever have nightmares about being locked up, like you get locked up again. I used to get that a lot. I have nightmares about everything. I have nightmares about people doing blow with me, about women.

Oh, shit. That's that nightmares, man. Listen, why I came from, if I don't have a nightmare once a week or a bad dream, I'm not real. You have to live this shit in your mind somewhere. I tell people all the time. You got to check on your skeletons, bro, from time to time. Because if not, they're going to check on your father fucking ass. And that's not a good check.

Sometimes at night I smoke a fucking joint My mind goes somewhere And I start thinking about the dark times and shit And I relive it I cry a little bit You know, I giggle And I go fuck That's a scary time

I do the sign of the cross And I leave that motherfucking thought Where the fuck it is, you know I write sometimes in the morning I remember shit Like I'm trying to write the story For Ari's thing I was a hellian

I robbed this dude And I caused a lot of havoc And you know You think about all that shit And I can feel bad about it That's not the person I am But hey, it's not at all, you know. Yeah, I go back in time a lot, too, and I just trip out.

Like, fuck, like, back in my era, like, we fought a lot. You know what I mean? Like, we really, I wasn't the kind of kid that stole ship because I remember one time we tried to do, like, a home invasion. I was just like, we couldn't get in the house. I was happy. I was like, fuck, dude. Let's get the fuck out of here. I remember just going, I got to go to football practice, like, in two hours.

What the fuck is going on? Just that word. Home invasion? I did those things. The drugs, but I don't look at them as a home invasion because just a word home invasion makes me fucking nervous. Yeah. Makes you nervous. The last time I did that with my buddy and I went in there with a gun dog, I'm believing that going, somebody could have fucking shot me.

He used to handcuff him with the fucking suit on with the DEA jacket. Guys, you have no fucking idea what fear is. You have no fucking idea with fear is, bro. I was telling you how you go death. Every time I was about to do something bad, bro, I would go death. and I can feel my heart beat every movement in my chest. It's a showtime. It's a showtime.

That's the same adrenaline you get when you get into a fight, or you get a knife pulled on you, or the cops are chasing you. But when I would crawl through a window, I was ripping your shit apart looking for that coat. I still remember the day I kidnapped belt when I went back and ripped his heart. He had one of those ceilings, suspended ceilings, that have the cubes inside that you pick them up and you could hide shit in there and drop the ceiling.

I never forget that I jumped up and grabbed onto those ceilings. At that time, I was 220, 225, and I remember every fucking piece of strength I heard. I ripped that fucking ceiling down. The whole building heard it. The whole building heard the thing go, who, who, wham. I didn't give a fuck. I was death.

My heart was pumping. I cut my hand. You used to cut yourself. That's why I knew OJ killed his wife. Because when you're killing the motherfucker, you're adrenaline so high. You're cutting your hand. You ain't feeling it. I wouldn't feel shit.

until I got back and I was like, what the fuck is this? Oh shit. I got caught on a bob wire. You know, I'm fucking bleeding. You wouldn't fucking feel it. I would go up to a window, smash it, open the window, crawl in,

and cut yourself for something on the way in. You're ripping shit. You're opening up desks. You're throwing dishes. You're looking for shit, man. What do you think? You look for shit neatly? Yeah, when I rub people I knew,

I didn't make a mess. You know what I'm saying? But if I didn't know them, you have to make a fucking mess. If you know them, you can't make a mess. You want the element of, fucking surprise, you know what's up? Lisa, you little fucker, bad

motherfucker you? It was just a great weekend, man. It was fun as he did, finally do a special. 24 fucking years. I did pieces on it, and I never did a special. Nobody was going to offer me a special George. But you just did it on your own independent? And I told Lee. We and Lee had conversation, and I called him like a week, and I told him what was going to happen. I go, listen, I'm going to do it. People are going to

jump on. They want to help. nobody's going to fucking sell it. We're going to get nothing. We're going to get fucking nothing. Let's just do with ourselves. We'll make a little money. We won't make nothing.

At least I did it. It's better than sitting there going. We'll do it November. We'll do it in January. That's what we're doing for two fucking years. You know me. I procrastinate like anybody fucking else. You know, and Lee kept pushing me.

I got to give him credit. And finally, I just put two and two together. I said, I'll do it there. And that's it. You know, hopefully you'll do one soon. And we could be in the same fucking network together. Yes, yes. I'm actually working on it.

myself. So we'll see what's going on. Because, you know, it does. It takes a while. You got to get the right money, the right location. I don't want to, like, do it and, like, go around, cut corners. You know what I mean? I want to do it legit. Well, here's the problem with specials, the CDs.

But if a company comes to you, they're going to go, wow, George Perez, we really love you. We're really, we're going to put about 80,000 into your CD, tell them, you know, if you wire the fucking room and put it into the thing, it don't cost no 80,000 for no fucking CD.

Marketing, who are you going to call? Comedy 24-7, they'll do it for fucking free. What, the rapper, on the CD and the cases, you get 50 cases for two fucking dollars. So what cost? What's the 80 fucking thousand? Go shoot a special. Talk to people about shooting specials.

It's $200,000. I want to know where. What does that cover? The 10 first class seats for everybody to come and drink. That's what that covers. Let's shoot a special. three, four motherfuckers, hotel rooms, a flight, the rental, the cameras, everybody works for a fucking little piece of a back end. Let's see what we can fucking do here.

That's how you fucking shoot a fucking special. And at the end, you go, wow, I spent 18,000. What were they talking about for 300,000? Like, New Wave. We spend 150,000. Yeah, I'm sure you fucking do. No, you don't. You pay all these motherfucking immigrant wages.

You pay them six, but you tell me you pay them 12. You follow what I'm saying? you. So that six goes right into your fucking pocket. That's what the mafia did for 20 years. That's called hiring non-union fucking labor. And paying them nine union, what do you do with that extra $20? That goes in your pocket. That's what's how to, yeah, that's what happened. You're supposed to get 29, but I got a fucking Spanish dude, he'll do it for nine. Yeah. You know, and I put 10 of those guys on the job instead of 10 fucking whatever, nine guys, if you got nine guys and you're clipping $20 an hour from nine guys a day, 180 times nine.

That's how the mafia made their fucking money. And that's what they tried to do with you labor. Lee went there for a fucking job, and they want to pay him shit. So they're coming to you saying, yeah, what about the editors? We're paying them $3,000 an hour. Lee was like they were the worst offer I ever got up front. So, you know, they're lying to you. They take, oh, no, we advertise in Rolling Stone.

No, you fucking don't. No, you fucking don't. You got some fucking Nicaragans downtown who print the fucking things. But we make posters. Yeah, for $200 a poster. That's, you follow them saying to you? Let's get bids on posters. Well, these people say they'll do it for six.

These people say they'll do it for nine. These people say they'll do it for 12. Let's go with them. No, go with the guys for six. I guarantee you just save money right fucking there. But no, they do everything. They lie to you. I'm not doing that shit.

And any marketing that they would do, it's worthless. It's worth. This is all the marketing we need. There's no fucking market. There's no market. They don't do no market. and they hire a firm that knows nothing about comedian. And you'll go on their Twitter page

and they got 361 followers. How good are you of public fucking relations? If you've got 361 followers, I want to hang out with you. I'd rather hang out with somebody with the Hiv. They got more followers. People feel sorry for you if you got the Hiv. You're a PR with 20 fucking followers.

Some chick called me from Denver. Hi, I'm public. I was on the computer. Hi, I'm a friend or whatever. I'm looking for comedy clients. If you like to, this is my webpage. Web page is beautiful. Puerto Ricans, women dancing.

Miami Vice, you know. Then I went to the Twitter page, 22 people. What I want to hang out with you for? Wow. I know people who got the flu who got more fucking friends. You know what I'm saying? I know people who got fucking HIV, cancer who got more fucking friends than you. 22 people. What public are there?

Who the fuck do you know? You know loneliness. That's what you know. Fuck these motherfuckers leave. Oh, my goodness. It was crazy going on stage. Saturday. Sure, it's crazy, but you got the balls of fucking steal. It was fun. But that's... They're just a great crowd.

Like, that would not have gone as well. No, well, I told you, they were church people, so it would be like stealing. Every time I'll go to, out of the fucking thousand people I show up, 200 of them and go, did you bring Lysiah? They love this fucking guy. He goes up there. He's a star at death, and he fucking wiggles. You could do whatever the fuck

he wants now. He's got him by the boy. He's a Jew working backwards. You know what I'm saying? He's a Jew hanging out with Mussolini. Who's better than him? No what? What else, George Perez? What are you got coming on in the books? I know you always got movies, El Cholo.

You always got something going on. You know what? I'm actually doing an autism show. Remember that big autism show I do? You do that every fucking year. You do that 22 times a fucking year. Now, this is my fifth year doing it with them, man. What's the date?

October 21st, Fullerton Fox Theater. You're doing a theater. Yeah, no, it's cool. It's cool. We got Tom Green this year. No shit. Yeah, Tom Green, Sam Tripley. We got a...

I can't say we got a special person hosting. I'm not going to host this year. I'm going to do a spot. And we also got Joshua Meyerwitz, you know, from the store. Yeah. And then we got Keith Reza. And we got Kate Quigley. Okay.

She was on the podcast. Good kid. Yeah, yeah. I haven't got to meet her yet, but I've heard good things about it. Fucking solid, solid, hard work. Like you, you and her are the same, you know, always out there. She's always got a bikini on. She's a crazy bitch.

But that's what I love about it. She's a crazy bitch. But she's not sucking dick. She's on stage. Oh, that's good. These crazy bitches come out of here, put a bikini on. They want to suck dick and try to be fun. I'm a comedian.

Yeah, because you blew three managers. All you got is bad breath. You got nothing. You got to fuck it. You got to write jokes, bitch. I haven't had cable for a while. I saw Justin E. Barrow on, like, the commercial for a show.

Yeah, for the show on Fox. The Pah, like, Gotham. Gotham. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like in the commercial. That's pretty cool. Dustin, don't fuck around. These kids work, bro.

That kid hustles. He was upset because he didn't book a fucking pilot. I'm like, Dustin. Look at you. You're a handsome motherfucker. Just sit tight. What's up, dog? What are you going to go home and eat?

I have no. I don't have anything because it was gone. You're going to go food shop and find out? You're going to go right to the sauce. You're going to get some Thai food. What are you going to do? What's with the house? I don't know.

I'm hungry. All right. What are you going to eat? I know you're going to go to Subway. I know that's what's on your mind. Well, that's the only healthy thing I can get right now. You've been thinking Subway since you walked in here. I could see, I could sniff the fucking turkey coming out of your earballs and shit that fucking beat up turkey.

You know, fucking cage free. Why is it beat up? Because it's not cage-free turkeys that subway buy. Those are fucking turkeys that get chased by a car all day and shit down in some country. shit. Is that part of their process? Like, they just have like a ring and they have a little car going around. That's it. That's it. And they fucking run

them over. Like a old station wagon. Like a maverick. It's good to see you, George Perez. I know you're down there. I know you're big with the rap battle stuff. I know that you're all the fucking old Gs with the Rose Battle. It's cool, man. You know, like, I barely started started going to the store for like maybe over like a year now. And like, from day

one to now, uh, that's the place to be. I'm not putting another club down, but like, I like, I like the vibe Over there, it's like everyone's trying to get with everybody. It's a dark club. And certain people fit in that club, and some people just really don't. You could tell when a comic walks in there on the way out, if he's ever going to come back. I could tell.

Like Rudy Moreno went in there, walked out, never came back. She made him a regular. Mitzie was walking by the fucking main room. Rudy was up there doing a Spanish room. Made him a regularly when he walked off. Rudy came one night. The set was running seven minutes late. He got in his car.

Never came back. Wow. And I knew it. There's just people who get up in certain situations. The store is not for everybody. It's a combat comedy. It's too real. They're right up on top of it.

The improv is a little bit cleaner. You know. Yeah. Oh, my God. I just had this Keish Lorraine that was sensational. You know, people go to the store that just ate somebody's asshole under the line of blow. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. You go a laugh factory. It's the little kids. Kish Lorraine. Yeah. Where did you pull that one from? That's who goes to the fucking improv. People eat Gis Lorraine and, you know, they love whales and, you know, shit like that.

They go whale watching the Santa Monica. I want to stand there and watch a whale. Like, I want fucking foot fungus in my asshole. You understand me? Fuck whales. Do you think they'll go see that movie about that guy walking the tightrope across buildings? You know what, man? I might get a tightrope and have you walk across Coxie.

I'm from the Honda store right through this window over here. I'm not going to see that movie. That movie's in 3D. Which one? That movie about the dude who walks in the tightrope. Oh, yeah, that shit looks crazy. But the problem is you get high and you go see that in 3D. You're going to get vertigo.

You're going to get dizzy and shit. You're going to sit there and go, what the fuck is going on with this shit? What's the last movie you've seen? I seen straight out of Compton, man. I saw, I saw, we went to see the movie this week with Crazy Man, Black Mask. Oh, okay. With what's his name about? Yeah.

About what's his name? Yeah, but the movie. The mafia guy. Was it the number one movie this weekend? Oh, I'll go, check it out. See what the number.

Not a bad movie. No? It was slow. I seen it had bad reviews. They did get bad reviews. Yeah, because they were saying that he's supposed to, like, get Oscar nominated or something. No.

I thought it was too broad. No. He did a great job, but no Oscar nomination. But you never know. They gave it to the guy from the Hurt Locker. You know, anybody could win a fucking Oscar today.

Yeah. What was the number one movie? How to be Black Mask? It was actually, it was Maze Runner got 30, but then Black Masked got 22. Yeah, that could be Johnny Depp's demise right there. What it costs to make.

It tells you. But he already has it into the movie coming out where he plays like another pirate or something. Yeah, but the Pirates of the Caribbean is just fucking, that's a brand. That's always going to make, you know, kids go, they dress up, they stab each other with umbrellas. Get the fuck out of here.

You got to stab me with a fucking umbrella. You got a sword. fuck. What happened, Lee? I was trying to find out how much it costs. I don't worry about it. Who gives a fuck? I'm just making a point that, you know, Johnny Depp needed a big fucking movie. Like,

this had to be big. Twenty-two million? He did a good job. He did a good job. I enjoyed the movie. I really did. I don't think it's an Academy Award winner. Okay. I like Ron Livingston. Which one was he? He was the guy that had like the beard, not the chubby hitman, but his buddy.

Okay. He was in office space. Oh, yeah. Is it with me going to buy a ticket? Yeah, it's entertainment. It's entertainment. You smoke a joint. Listen, it's entertainment, bro. You know, there's a dip between being bored or a bad movie and something that entertains it.

Even though it's slow, it's dark and there's this moments, you know, but it's a good story. It's a good story that maybe was told the wrong way. Do you agree? I think they should have focused on something, like they just glazed over his sundying. like he was a like in the evil part like he like they didn't go into like all the murders he used like they like showed a couple of them but i think it like he was it it would have been a cooler movie if it hadn't been like his entire life because then when they do that it's only two hours so he was fucking ruthless that guy you know killing women and stuff and i remember

the other day when i was watching it yeah i gotta be honest with you there was a minute that i was like i want to be this guy you know this is the asshole i wanted to be when I was 20 I thought that that's what worked I thought that that was what I had around me those are the people that were cool people that did that stupid shit you know for like a minute I was like this could have been me hanging out with this idiot well you live by their code and also he's just killing people in front of you kill on women oh you do George you don't show up to work there they hunch you down yeah the next day right and with the money he had he puts

a pride of investigator on you a hunch in California he'll shoot you wherever that dude So you got to get a fucking passport and leave and go halfway around the world. I mean, that guy eluded the cops for a long fucking time. And when they found him, he still had a half a million fucking dollars in cash. In the wall with guns and everything. Fucking tourist. He had guns in the wall? Yeah.

And there was a tourist who rather than that? From like Germany or something. How did the tourist see them? They saw it on CNN. They saw like a report on it or something. And we're like, oh, I recognize that. I think it was his girlfriend. That's right.

The girlfriend, they fed cats in the neighborhood. Just like Hannibal, remember how they found him in the second movie? He was, like, in Spain or something? And they got him with a glass. Yeah. When they're looking for you like that, dog, it's just a matter of time. You've got to have endless cash. Chopo's the only one to get away.

Yeah, chopper will get away. Chopo somewhere with 200 motherfuckers surrounding a building. Guess what? Chapel's right here. Yeah. You're in LA? Where would you go? Not.

Where would you go and blend? Not America? What? Listen, if you don't want to be found, you got to be right in front of them. Really? That's how real pimps do it. When people are looking for you, you got to be right in front of them because they're looking for you out of that circle. You're just not going to go to the same bar you go to.

You're not going to go to the same fucking route. You're not going to go to the same place to get a haircut. Do you think that was Osama? Do you think if they, that's what Osama did, if that's what... No, I'm talking about Ochoapo. O'Capo left fucking Mexico. Where could he go? It's America.

Right. He went to America, so he went north. So he either went to one of the fucking border states where he could shave his mustache, but they're going to be looking for him there. Those little small 30 miles, if they looked at George, they know you're not from around there. Something's different. So where would he fucking go with all that money? Los Angeles.

Or Chicago. There's tons of. the fucking Mexicans in Chicago. He shaves his mustache. He dyes his hair blonde, and he gets a die. You know how long it takes him to get a license on a passport? Five minutes. He's on his fucking list, okay? He could do plastic

surgery and shoot the fucking plastic surgeon. He could do a thousand fucking things with that type of money. What do you think if he don't shoot the plastic surgeon? You're going to let some guy know he did plastic surgery on you. That's fucking good luck. Yeah. Good fucking luck. Imagine getting that phone call, being the plastic surgeon?

You're like, uh-oh. No, you're not going to a phone call. It's going to be a Mexican, a cousin of a cousin, a cousin of a cousin. He's going to get you the house. It's going to be great. You're not going to think about it. They're going to want it done in two days, so it gives you no time to think about it. There's no pre-mep. There's no nothing. They do crazy shit like that. They do that shit in Mexico all the fucking time. That's why, you know, people go, bro, my buddy was in on this business that they're going to start. A bunch of doctors that have been, like, suspended in the United States are going to go right over the border of Mexico.

they're going to take care of you for a third of what it costs to do medicine here. They're going to get buses. Oh, good. They're going to get buses. Not doctors who have been suspended like for fucking. Not doctors who have been suspended for killing you on the thing. But doctors that when you pass out, they finger-bang, you're not looking for a second chance. They'll fix your tooth for $10.

You're not going to go see him so on his fingers smells funny. Continuation school doctors. No, these are guys that, you know, lost license, whatever, man. Who do you think happens? What do you think gives your prescriptions for these fucking medical marijuana licenses? Who do you think gives you prescriptions for these fucking things? Yeah, but they're just running a piece of paper and they give out pieces of candy. These guys are abolished.

They're going to go back and practice medicine when they write those medical marijuana, a fucking license. No, they're guys that are on the way out. They're semi-retired. They don't give a fuck. These Russians go to the house and go, who are you, doctor? Listen, we get 75 for the license. We give you 30.

We do 22 licenses a day. When the big thing in Michigan, when we opened up in Michigan, all the Russians from here left in Michigan to open up medical places because they were getting 3, 400, like it was here. 10 years ago, a medical marijuana license is $250. Yeah. When I first got my license, it was $250. There was no negotiation.

Nothing. You want a license, $250. You know how long the line was? I called that motherfucker on a Monday. He scheduled me for three Mondays at two in the afternoon. And when I got that, it was 10 fucking Luigi's in there in front of me, at $250 a fucking license. You understand me?

So this guy might have gotten suspended or whatever. That's $2,500. He was fucking, that Jewish chick's doctor. What's the chick, the ugly old woman who was the comedian who died on the electrical tape? What's a fucking name? She had like 90 fucking plastic surgery. Oh, Rivers. Yeah.

You know, bits like that. Chick to a thousand plastic surgery. And then Conrad Murray? Huh? And then Conradt. He's Michael Jackson's doctor. So let me ask you a question. Is he going to be like that crown jewel?

So let me ask you a question. Is he still in jail, Conrad Murray? I don't know. So Conrad Murray gets out of jail. He goes to Mexico. Let's say you need a new eyeball. in the United States. They want $22,000 for an eyeball.

Let's say, Con, America, give a T for eight. You might not wake up. So who's the fuck? At least you get the for eight. My buddy Martin Perez

went to Mexico to get the lap band. He said it cost $30,000 in the United States. I don't know what the fuck it was. He says it cost them $6,000 in Mexico. Yeah, girls go over there to get their fake asses done and the tits right now. It's like the most...

Yeah, that's the most... It's an injection. Look at this poor fucking moment. What are you talking about? That's what they do. They go, that's what I told you that my friend got the new kidney. Remember, they wouldn't give her a kidney for a year. She had to sign up for a program.

She couldn't drink. She called the Mexicans. They're like, drink. You could drink the day of. We don't give a fuck. That's how we test the kidney. We give you a shot of tequila to make sure everything works and shit. You think they give a fuck about types, whether they match?

They'll stab a Hindu tourist and give you his fucking. You're fucking Mexican walking around with a Hindu's fucking kidney. You always want to eat that yum, yum shit, your feet are dirty. Your feet are dry. You're like, what a fuck? My feet always fucking dry. I'm Puerto Rican. My feet fucking dry and chappy.

Because you got an Indian's kidney in you. You know, 7-Elemen, their feet are always dry it and fuck those hinders. How do you know? Because you've got to look at their feet, the judge of man. You look at that toes. Are they wearing sandals? Yeah, they got sandals on. They got brown skin and that toe is gray.

They haven't put cream on that foot in 20 fucking years since they left Pakistan. What the fuck? What the fuck you think I'm talking about here, Pauli? Let me read the ads. We get the fuck out. We'll end up on that note. We don't want to insult nobody else. What is true?

How fucked up are you on that star? I'm fucking feeling right now. Told you, dog. We don't fuck around here. Leigh the star and 50 milligrams. 200 milligrams. What? 100. Stop fucking making store.

Every week, all that gave me the 50. There's no 50. We went through 100 stars in Las Vegas in three days. Oh, brother. Wow. A hundred anarchy edibles. Fuck. Joey Falado, the first night. That fool ate three of them. He passed out for four hours. He said he ate ice cream 10 fucking times. His wife.

Joe Perez ate him. Me and Lee were eating them like fucking nothing. I love Joey Falado. He was walking on him. He was like, like, you're a hype man. He's like, you know why? I'm Jarfellado. I heard me on the podcast. Like, all his stories, 100% true. He's the coolest dude.

He's like, I was telling you it's weird that you're like the reserved one between him and you. Oh, he's loud. He's great. He's a good fucking dog. On it. You know, I'm sick and tired of talking to you about this shit. Shrewd tech, fucking immune. That's why I took three of them before Southwest flight.

I'm up in fucking dandy. Leaves had to take 10 nought because I took the same. One now. Don't fucking matter. I didn't nap. I'm twice your fucking age. I slept five fucking hours last night. I was making money in the black check.

Get the fuck out of here. I didn't even get my 10% yet. I can get a final total. That comes to Vegas with me. He wins 80, 90, $200. I don't even, nothing trickles down over here. Not even a fucking. He don't show up with a cheeseburger.

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and free shipping in the United States and fucking Canada. You know, you Canadians got to keep your nuts and fucking fat. Let's get cold. Now, let's get to the meat and potatoes are what I'm talking about here, okay? Everybody wants to go home, smoke a few joints. You're fucking hungry at night. You're going to eat something bad for you. Cut that shit out.

Go to naturebox.com right now, okay? Naturebox.com has a great selection of fucking nutritionist-approved snacks, whether it's the chocolate yum-yams or the vanilla almond granola or the Pacific Plantain. I mean, listen, it's never fucking ending with them. Their snacks are delicious, nutritious. You'll never go to the fucking vending machine at work, and they're resellable. You can eat 10 plantains, reseal them, and put them in the desk, whatever the fuck you want to do.

The sesame sticks are to die for. I'm not kidding you, people. I have these things at the house. I don't give them to leave. Fuck him. I never get them. My personal favorites are the chocolate yam yams on the sesame steak. Playing is fucking simple.

You know what? You'll zero chance of getting bored because they always add, stuff, whether it's the jalapeno cashews, pumpkin seeds, they're always adding new stuff. But do me a favor. NatureBox is full of flavor and what I need junk. So do me a favor. Let's call it action. Go online to get your first box at naturebox.com slash Joey.

Go online to get your first box at naturebox.com slash joey right now. Head to naturebox.com slash joy right now to unbox a world of taste and possibilities. One last time. Go to naturebox. dot com right now for your first box of Beyond Tasty. You get five bags for fucking box, man. So remember, the smart snack

guarantee takes the wrist out of snack. If you don't like a snack, send it back and they'll replace it with a new one. That's what I'm talking about. That's naturebox.com. I'd like to thank On it, me undies, naturebox.com, pity, Sigs. And what's the other one? Naileda Life.com.

Nailed a life always there for you. I'd like to thank George Perez for coming in. What's your next comedy date, my brother? That October 21st. That's a benefit? Yeah, it's the benefit. Fullerton Fox Theater. And is there a webpage that could go to you?

Yes, at Fullertoncares.com? I'll have Sam on so he can promote. Okay. Thank you. I'll be in New York City this weekend, but guess what? It's sold out. 1145 Friday and Saturday. Toledo Funny Bone, the following weekend, October 2nd to the 4th, get your tickets right now.

I love you guys. Thank you for supporting my special. I want to thank George Perez for coming up tonight. I love this fucking guy with all my heart. Follow George on Twitter or Facebook. It's a great success story. He had problems too when he's out there making it happen. I get emails every week of people having problems and whatnot.

Just put your fucking head to it, man. It all comes down. You'll be here laughing. You'll be laughing at this 10 years later. What's your Twitter? At George P. Comedy? George P. Comedy. Are you going to sit there and look at me like a dunce put on Benny Moran.

I'm going to drop some fucking music on you tonight. Old school Cuban music, 1950, Benny Murray. Sinatra once walked into a casino in Cuba and heard Benny Murray, and he said he wanted to shoot him. That's how good this fucking guy's voice was. Do you want to play? Benny Murray Como Fue, a little ballad for you, motherfuckers.

Then you go on YouTube and look at the rest of this shit, this darks. What about the other one? We'll do that for them some other time, Lee. Okay. Here we go. There we go. 22 fucking minutes now. Yeah.

The show's over. Don't forget to go to naturebox.com. Do what? And get your first box. You say, put the music on, please. You'll do this later. Put the music on.

You're the worst. A little Benny Murray for you, motherfucker is to get the party started. Listen to this gentleman's voice and shit. The church will be back. I don't know about tomorrow, maybe next week because I go to New York on Wednesday. So we'll figure it out.

I love you guys. Stay black. Have a great week. How a great week. I'm going to my life. Fere your eyes or your voice. Were your hands or your voice. The more, the impatience

to your time. Your life's, ma'am. I don't know, I'll say to you, how it was. I don't know to explain me what Now that the show is over, don't forget to go to Naturebox.com slash Joey right now to unbox the world of taste and possibility. Go to naturebox.com slash Joey for your first box of Beyond Tasty

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