The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #329 - Jon Budd

Episode Date: October 29, 2015

  Jon Budd, Jiu Jitsu brown belt under Jean Jacques Machado,is one of the owner's Of V.M.A.C. in North Hollywood joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/joey to get your first two meals free   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   MeUndies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off and free shipping in the USA and Canada   Recorded live on 10/29/2015.   Music:   Black Sabbath - Electric funeral Soundgarden - Blow Up The Outside '  

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Here we go. Nice early afternoon podcast. October 29. the day before devil's night a lot of you youngsters that don't know what devil's night is all about when you slash somebody's fucking neck the night before Thanksgiving

like their house on fire you would do that Connecticut John Buckford What's happened? Lisa, I had your bad motherfucker devil's night for you to do? No, no, no, it's always you ever see the movie The Crow? I know. I don't like scary movies. It was the night

before it was the night before it. For years growing up, it was the night before Halloween. Devil's night. That's when you packed the socks and you threw eggs of the house and your toilet paper the wall. We call it mischief night. Mischip. Yeah. Same fucking difference.

But yeah, devil's night. It's the devil. El Diablo. What's up, cock suck at Thursday? I haven't seen you all week. I know. Been hiding out and beat up. You went to jihitsu today.

You fucked my world up. I thought it's just a lot of fun. Just, uh, I've actually, just been kind of crazy. Like you told me when I first started jiu-titsu, it's good to get people from outside of your realm. but then the past a couple weeks I've kind of been like not depressed but upset because I realized

I don't really have basically essentially what you have like with friends like I don't I have you and I have Paul and I have family and stuff but ever since I moved out here I was working so much John our guest and you will understand it when you're working so much you don't really focus on friend

and any friend I had was from work so ever since I stopped working I don't really have Like I can tell you anything But it's also like You're my boss so I don't I'm not your boss We do this together

I'm not your fucking boss Yeah but in a way But it's also just like I was thinking about it the other day Driving us I don't really have anyone Out here who I can Like Just like

Just a friend stuff Just tell them to It's weird You got the Agostino You got John Bud Oh you know yeah You just We forget

We get ourselves sometimes because I do the same thing. I sit there some nights like I'm bored to pieces. I got to get new friends. We got a ton of friends. We just have no friends that are crazy anymore. They go out 1130 and go to Yum Yum donuts and smoke pot. You know, it's just, uh...

But there's a different between friend and like... Acquaintances. No, not even just acquaintances. It's like, yeah, Steve's my friend today. I guess he's my friend. But it's just like... Where you can call them and be like, hey, this is what I'm doing. This is what's going on in my life and I don't know which way to go.

Heart to heart, right? Like, I don't have... Because with my parents, they want me to be successful and they want me so they'll, they're that way. Paula is thinking about her future and she also just has no basis in this. So she's thinking about it. So it's kind of weird. Like I'm at a weird point of my life and I feel I just, I don't know where to go. And it's also, it's like I feel I need somebody to bounce stuff off of sometimes.

A weird point in your life is all in your fucking head. You got no weird point in your life. It's called life. It's all weird. Yeah. And you look at it. You suck. it in, you observe it, and you

fucking move on. We went to a meeting yesterday that opened up my eyes about a lot of shit, but made me sad about it. I was really upset last night. Really? I was upset for a few hours after that meeting yesterday, but I'll tell you what, I thought about it after my wife went to bed, I made some notes.

How can you make this better? You learn from it. And this is how you make things better. You know, you have no sticking point. You're a 27-year-old young man that has the world by the balls. You could do whatever you want. You know, You should not have a ceiling on your income. You should not have a ceiling on your career.

I never understood that. I never understood how you go to college. You come out. You're 25 and you sign your life away. And one day you're 65 and you get a gold watch. And then you go to me, how come you have stories like that, Joey Dears. I didn't live a life like that because I was a bump for a while. Because sometimes I took chances and I lost and that's the repercussions of losing.

I know what it is to have 60 bucks on. on Wednesday and go, this has to last week through Friday, but you know what? I'm going to snort that grand blow and fuck eating tomorrow. And the next thing you know, you got to rob a purse at the fucking daycare when you drop your kid off. You know, that's life. That's life. It's, uh,

and you're not at a tough spot. You're at a spot that you're questioning your future. Right. Which, if you don't question your future, you've got to be fucking a dummy. If you don't stink, I'm eating peanut butter today. When am I going to eat lobster tails every day and get my dick suck? You've got to

question your future. And it's weird for I was I realized this yesterday. I was at Johns and I saw like a 16 year old kid getting orders from a manager like an old adult and I thought about it. I grew up. I went to school, went to college and I had regular job. So I've always had someone to tell me what to do like the past few weeks I've almost like I wish almost that someone could just tell me what to do a little bit. No you don't. Like just not even. No you fucking don't. Not even just an order but just like which way to go. But then I don't. Yeah, I don't want that. This is your life. But it's been 25 years of being told well, you know, it's hard.

It's like, fuck that. It's weird. It's what you're used to. Yeah. You know, your mom wants you to be successful, but she also wants you to be, the key word is what every woman wants in a relationship. Security. Right. Women's whole thing inside deep is security.

They want to know that they're going to be taken care of. They're going to eat until one day a woman says, fuck you, motherfucker. And she gets pissed and she goes out on her own and makes her own stuff. in this fucking world. Right. And she doesn't listen to feminists or get a tattoo or say I'm creative. She just fucking goes for it, okay? And your friends want sometimes in a way what's convenient for them.

You know, hey, do whatever you want to do. Let me tell you about what's going on in my life with my girlfriend. Don't just pass over your story. Right. The great thing about me, man, is I'm an old man, and I've been an old man since I was your age. I was always an old man since I was your age. So a lot of people come to me and ask me what. And how can I tell somebody not to pursue their dream?

I had the world by the balls, John Bud. I got up in the morning. I got a truck that was leased for me. They released a cell phone for me. And I'd go to people's houses or people's buildings, and I'd measure a roof, and then go back and type it in and check with Firestone, and they'd give me $800 a week. And then I did some scams on my own to make some money.

I had the world by the balls, but not really. I was working for somebody. Yeah. I was making them money. They weren't splitting nothing with me. They weren't giving me a percentage of their profits. They were just paying me fucking salary. But not even working for somebody so much.

It's just like... Telling you what your next step is. Yeah. There's no next step. Life will tell you what the next step is. And you have a split fucking decision to make a decision. You have a split decision to make a fucking decision. It's frustrating.

Like, John, you left editing. It's frustrating. John's had 10 careers since you. What did you major in it? First of all, John Bud's here. One of the brown belts at V-Mack, one of the owners of V-MAC, and the topic today is martial arts. We wanted to talk about martial arts and how it affects your life.

And I've heard statements over the year that this doesn't work or this doesn't help you. A wink chung is ineffective. And karate's ineffective and jiu-jit-to is ineffective. The guy has a stick. Well, guess what? Everybody's going to have fucking something. But it's better. The other day you said something.

You tore this legs. And you go, listen, this has nothing. do with you motherfuckers. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm wasting air here teaching you a leg lock because you're a white belt, but I'm going to teach you just in case you're on the street and somebody hold you, you're out there scratching your fucking head.

You know, it's like today we're talking about spider guard. When people get you in a spider guard, and they're all like a scarecrow, breathing, and you're like, what's my next move? I got none. I got to run like a motherfucker and break this bond. That's the only fucking, he's got arms, he's got feet in both armpits, and he's picking me up,

and I got the smell of foot and armpit, traveling to my fucking nose by the minute. So even though it's your own pay. It's your own pet. Who gives a fuck? You know, and this is where martial arts teaches you a lot. The reason why I had John Budd here today is because I was thinking about this a lot, how everything, every time I've had a good patch of luck in my life. And what's luck?

Opportunity meets, what is it? Hard work, I think? Hard work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You said it keeps calling you back. It always has called me back because I always knew that the day I left martial

arts was the day my life went into fucking pisser. The day I left martial arts, February 19, 1979 was the day I left martial arts. My big plan was to win a tournament, to win the sparring and the form, and quit on top. Okay. Listen, man, I'm 15. I'm starting to finger people, right? I'm smoking a little bit of pot but these fucking geeks are karate

they don't smoke pot all they want to do every week is go to tournaments or go to Honda and buy supplies I'd sit there with eight fucking geeks and go to ooh look at those stars ooh look at that geese oh that's what we do on Saturday eight jerkoffs going to New York

meanwhile somebody's getting their dick suck two blocks away and there's eight 13 year olds at Honda clothing supply you know martial art supply masturbating over a ghee and fucking headgear and Stars. Stars.

We would, you know, going to China Town and taking a Chinese guy in the back and asking him about the Chinese, we want the recipe to the iron palm technique. And he would suck us in and come in the back. Who's with you? And he would say it was this is, and it's called like Chinwu juice. They saw that everywhere. He'd take us in the back. And what most kids would pay a dollar for, here we are paying $50.

You rub this on your hands and you hit this magic bag. That's being a fucking geek. And eventually your hands will get tough and they'll get red like this shirt when you get into a fight and people will run away. That should never happen. You're punching stones and you're punching stones. And one day I go, I'm not doing this no more. My friends are fingering people. They're sucking tip behind the grammar school.

They're smoking pot for listening to music. I hang out with these morons every week. So I made a 50-50 from like October to February. I would go to martial arts two times a week and I would only hang with them one Saturday a month or two. except instead of four. Right. You know, I was going to martial arts five nights a week.

When you're a kid, you go four nights a week, you go to the kid class, and then once you become a green belt and let you stay for the adult class. And that's what I did. I went from six to fucking nine. And then you sweep the gym. You're the lower belt.

You sweep the gym. That's called respect. It's not something that you, let me, let's do the 21. No, because the guy knew whoever went for that broom, that guy's building character. It's not about, I'm going to rest to see my girlfriend.

It's the guy. It's like Zach would always mop on Monday nights, and I would jump in there mop. That teaches you how to be a man. That's, anybody could kick. It's humbling. Anybody could punch you. Anybody could fucking be in a movie and who would, let me see you mop a fucking floor at night. That's the martial arts side of it. It's not kicking.

It's not the punching. And I think that the country right now, with all the UFC and MMA, we've lost what the martial arts is really about. We've mixed them together. We've evolved karate with this. Oh, yeah. But what? Like, I've always told you since like a month after I met you. And I never told Marcello this. I never told John Evan

this. There's just certain people. You're a true martial artist. I try. I try. You know, I mean, it's weird to hear that. You know, I see a lot of guys, and they're good. You know, a lot of guys are good. When you say a true martial artist, what do you

mean? Like, what do you mean when you say that to me? A true martialist is not somebody who walks with a leather jacket down the street and bitslaps people. Right. A true martial artist sees the other side of it. He sees, uh, you said today that you loving your gym when a purple belt stops. I could take Lee and kick him. Yeah. Not do anything, but I get off of Lee and I go, Lee put your arm. Right, right, right. Right. That's a martial artist. Yeah. Yeah. You rather, you know, you don't have much to prove. You don't have much to prove. Yeah. That martial, look, I could sit here and go, fuck, you know, Bill Byrd did this big thing about alternative comedy. Okay.

And it's hitting right now. And I'm very happy he said it because I, too, am a true comedian. Yeah, yeah. You know, and I respect. And I don't like, I don't like, and it's true. Those fucking shows started all. It weakened our comedy sense. And these people are not into, you know, there's two types of comedy in this town.

There's comedy, you belly laugh. Yeah. And there's the comedy that's intelligent and witty. And everybody goes to for a scene, you know what I'm saying? And Bill Burr really broke it down in this speech. And I wanted to always say what he said. I just didn't know how to get into it. We've never touched on it.

I don't even know how I got into this from martial arts. But a martial artist is somebody, it carries over into my comedy. I've never been competitive because of that. Listen, right. Stack Alphanekis is a millionaire. He's going to do what he's going to do. And Rogan's going to do what he's going to do. And Triple He's going to do what he's going to do.

Joey has to do what he does. If you sit there as a yellow belt and you look at that purple belt and you throw hate at him because he's the best, that's not a martial artist. A martial artist is the guy that looks at that purple belt and says, I'm going to learn from this motherfucker. This guy's doing something right. That's a martial artist.

Somebody who always wants knowledge. When you go see John Jock and he's got a black belt or a red belt with 18 stripes on, coral belt, whatever that is, this guy's put the time in. You always, when you refer to John Jock, John Jock, you referred to him as a master. When I was selling Coke, carrying guns, I would look to you and said, get your life together. And when I walked away from your master, what the fuck is this?

But that's what a true martial artist is. You know why he's a master? Not because he could beat up Chuck Lidale. Not because he could submit John Jones. Because a master means he's put the time in. He deserves respect because he's been doing it for 35 years. Half of America can't do anything for 35 minutes. Right.

35 minutes. it's when I first started editing there's two different programs you can use usually it's a final cutter avid and I asked a bunch of the editors when I was first starting which one do you like better right and every answer I got was this from good editors was it doesn't matter it's it's the tool that I use so for what Bill Burr said I'm sure you could go into any room do comedy and make most of the people laugh you if someone said John was like oh I do commercial

this way. You wouldn't say no. You would just, oh, maybe I can learn something. Absolutely. So it's it's, and when I heard that, and that was like one of the first days of my life out here in L.A. is it doesn't matter what program. So it doesn't matter what room you're in.

It doesn't matter what style of Jiu-Jitsu. Look, I'm an editor too. Editing has nothing to do with the program. Right. Yeah. It has nothing to do with a program. Yeah. And jiu-jitsu is the same way. And John Jock, he said he was just a white belt who's never quit. That's it. You know?

A paraphrase what he said. I don't know exactly the way he said it. But it was something along those lines. All I am is a white belt who's never quit. You know? And this is a guy who, I mean, talk about a martial artist. You know, the difference between him and his black belts or, you know, they say that 1%? Yeah, he's up there.

You know, you ask anybody that's rolled with him or trained with him or learned from him, they'll all tell you the same thing, you know. And like you said, it was dedication. I think he said his black belts and their job. great. His black belts are awesome. They train four times a week. He trained four times a day.

I think he said something along those lines where that's why there's a difference. We had Higgen on and Higgen was talking about they lived on the mat. In the mornings. They just get up. Their brothers and John Jack said they used to move all the furniture around in the house and you know, bang

they would go. But that's nice. He had five brothers. He can You can do all that, you know. And they were all into it. Yeah. Now, you grew up in Connecticut. Yeah. Born in Connecticut?

Born in Portchester, New York. Okay. You know, you know, Playland is in Rye? Yeah, yeah, yeah, right there, right there. Fucking Rye, New York. Yeah. There was something else in Rye, New York. Not when I was a kid, I used to go to Rye for something else.

Oh, Jesus, what the fuck was it? But Playland was a big thing. And there was a pool up there, like a big pool. The Dragon Roller Coaster was the big one. Yeah, I fainted once at the pool. That's how I knew I had to live. lung infection. I was waiting for a hamburger on a line.

The sun was hit me. I went down like a fucking... What possessed you to walk into a... Was it karate the first day? No, I was in college. I was in Ithaca, in upstate New York. And I needed an activity. That's really what it was.

So I started Blue Wave Taekwondo. That's what it was. And I did that the whole four years of my college. And, you know, Lee, like you were saying, you're having trouble finding friends and stuff and someone to confide in and share and bounce ideas off. I think you find that in the martial arts. I think you find people in, you already have something in common. You're already there.

You're already trying to learn an art together. You know, look for a friend in there, you know. I've always been very jealous of people like Joey who can walk into a room and are immediately, at least outwardly, it seems like our best friends with everybody. Can laugh and get loud. I'm a very introverted person This podcast has helped a lot Yeah Yeah

But it It takes me But you get in there You talk to people A little bit I've gotten better But like when I was When I was working

Like at a job It would take me A week or two at a place Before I would talk to anybody Tell him the truth Why I sent you to Vemann Tell him the truth So I would have

Yeah So I would go I would go out And get a beer I go I go you hang out With a fat 50 year old Fat fucking ex-Felin

That's your life You talk to an ex-fellin Who gives you edibles All fucking day and tries to corrupt your little fucking nice Jew mind. Okay, why don't you go hang out with some 27-year-olds? Octavio, Zach. Yeah.

Those kids that once a month, you know, fuck Paul or fuck Joey and fuck Steve Simone and comedy, I'm going to go be a 27-year-old and giggle. Sure. You know, Octavio's a geek, too. He takes pictures. Hell yeah. That's why I said to you go over. I didn't say nothing about getting in shape.

Nothing about jujitsu. It's a camaraderie. It's somewhere where you're going to go that, you know what, man. People become your friends. They become your family. You know, they become your dentist. They become your eye doctor. You know, it's a community.

It really is. Some people, you know, then there's the one that's a douchebag that you don't want to hang out with. That's okay. And they go away on their own. They go away on their own. This morning of class. Which is good. When I did that to your leg, I was pushing you away.

But there was, when I was like sixth week in VMA, this kid came in. What did he do? You give you like the can't open around you? No, he came back. You're a fucking scumbag kid. In fact, he didn't last at VMack. Right. I saw him a couple times after he.

He was a blue belt who wore blue ghee, and he was kind of Hawaiian-looking. And he came into John Evans' day class one day, and he did the, not the Berrumbolo suite, but the other one where you put your leg behind you and you push the guy over. He didn't do it gently. He fucking threw me with John Evans stopped and goes, guy. I didn't get mad, but I knew with this guy. And then he started talking about, I've been here, here, after the third gym, I see it now. Then I saw him a different day and somebody stopped him. He was squeezing.

And then he came in and he was throwing. He used to throw kicks and punches on Sundays. And then one day he didn't have came back. Right. He go to gyms to, well, let me try this, Camaro. I'll squeeze it once hard or something like that. you. Yeah. We never want to do that.

And you never want to do that to nobody. That's not martial arts. And this is what, you know when I go, man? Again, when I'm home, what do I talk to my wife about? The podcast, how many's these t-shirts that we sell today, the cats, the baby. Last night I was trying to write a joke at about 9.30. You know, she came in the room and said to me, the baby just found the chocolate syrup.

What's that got to fucking do with me, okay? Now, if I wasn't in jiu-jitsu or doing kettlebells, I would have a long. They're out the fucking window because it's 9.30. What's the baby finding fudge? You got to do with me. It's hidden in the fucking refrigerator. So when I go to Jiu-Jitsu, there's nobody that's talking to me about comedy. What time my spot is at?

Have you heard from this booker? That motherfucker, I didn't get this role. That's the last thing. It's a peace of mind to me. I go over there to fucking sweat, to scare myself and to not talk. It's one hour. I don't even like bringing my phone with me to look at the time. I don't give a fuck.

It's in the back because, the baby somewhere in case when I leave I got to pick her up but listen right no I don't nothing that's my hour that's my fucking hour of thinking about arm bars smelling feet it's like one pointed concentration that's what it is you think you're there to think about one thing talk about one thing you know and you can leave all your troubles somewhere else that's why I've had an audition at one I'll call john and go john and I'm taking class for it because I won't be focusing on my jiu jiu jitsu right And the more serious, the audition, I can't get that fucking iron bar. Yeah.

This is what's bothering me. But you know what? Because your head is somewhere else. That's the mental toughness. Yeah. Oh, yeah. To what? To life.

Yeah. You just learned about life. You just learned about how to be patient and be in the moment. Everybody wants to be in the moment. Sometimes you walk down the street and you fall. You know why you fall? Because you're thinking of eating your girl's asshole later on. And meanwhile, somebody ran off the sidewalk and hit your cat with a car because you're, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's what it teaches you. You know, right now you said you have a problem with life's asking you the next question. Today, we drilled something. That's the same thing in life. Oh, yeah. I drew you around, and then you're supposed to land and get the on the hook and throw me off. You know what? You don't wait for him to get on top of you before.

No, I got to get my arm. No, as he's maneuvering, boom, that knee and that leg go up. That's how quick your decisions have to be in life. Yeah. That's martial arts. Marsh, every time you leave, VMAQ, Hegan's, 10th Planet, on the way home, you should be going to yourself. Wow, that fucking move. Wow.

So I loop over. I want to work that again. I'm going to take him down every day when I get home before I piss, wash my hands, eat something, make a protein shake. I go to jiu-jitsu.com, the thing I told you. Do it again and again and again. And I went to class and then I write the move out. That's good. I called that sleeve.

I call that a sleeve sweep. That's good. I don't know what the name of it. You write them. move out. You write them move out. It says notes. BJJJournal or something.

It has notes and it has techniques and it has side guards. So anything you learn from the side control that he learned, he taught me the three-arm prom. Go for the neck, no neck, elbow, hand, choke, you know, from the top. Then it has bottom. Then it has spider guard. That BJJ.com is amazing. That's nice.

Because just going home. So before I do anything, anything, shower, call the girl. girlfriend, nothing. I come in, drop my bag. And you write it out. And I sit down the computer and as BJJ.com is coming up, it's buffering, I'm checking hotmail. I go back, I log in, boom. It says, monthlies.

You clog mat time. Boom. Now you can look at your mat time. Shit, I only went seven times this month. Last time I went 10, I got to get on top of my fucking game. Then you switch the techniques. You write the technique out, then it says, notes. Today I had a great time. Fucking Lee stuck a knee in my throat.

But now I know how to defend the game. against it. You know what I'm saying? No, hey, listen. Today when you... He tossed you today, huh? He tossed me, but he also got me in side control, and he stepped... He's doing everything. He's doing the right shit at the wrong time, but it's still worked.

What did I do? You got me in half guard, and you stepped on my arm. Oh, yeah? Tremendous. Tremendous. Tremendous. I took that from class. Tremendous.

But it's supposed to be the side control step on my arm. Doesn't matter. You remember. I just doesn't matter. Because you kept moving the arm, and I was like, I just want to get this arm out of the fucking It doesn't matter. You had me in, I had you in sight In Halfguard.

You went all the way over and stepped on my own. Yeah, it's a fucking beautiful. Yeah. Beautiful. Completely fucking unorthodox. But who gives a fuck? It worked. You thought. Anything goes into.

See, here I didn't really, I was going to ask you, didn't you say a couple months ago, like the worst thing for a man is to think. Worse thing. Worst thing. Because I was just think, worst thing. You can't fall asleep. Your dick won't get hard. If you're thinking about your future right there, go dick, get hard. Nothing.

No. Won't get hard. Nothing will happen. and then you just get scared. You have to trust in your instincts and your heart that you're going to wake up and something's good going to happen. You know what something's going to happen?

Because you're going to work. That's why something good's going to happen. Nothing good happens if you watch fucking three black dudes arguing on Mel's whatever show at 9 a.m. Nothing happens about whose father is it or, you know, what gang member? Nothing happens. Nothing.

You have more of a chance of something happened if you get up, took a newspaper, went to no whole dining and sat there. Somebody will come up to him and go, you looking for a job? No, I'm just sitting here. Yeah, I'm looking for a fucking job. Nothing happens at the fucking house.

Right. And thinking, dog, I told you, when I was five years younger than you, I used to shit. I used to shit out of my ass. And then the last push, a little bit of blood would come out on the thing. I'd look it down and look like I got shot with buckshot. It'd be like six little stains of blood. I'd faint. And one day I went to the doctor, and he goes, there's nothing wrong with you.

He took my blood, x-rays of the stomach. I was there. And he goes, you know what you're doing? You're thinking. aren't you you're thinking about your future stop thinking you're messing you up stop thinking go to school do this do don't ask questions

who gives a fuck the guy told you stick a butterfly here put the arm but what if he no who gives a fuck a but there's no what if put your arm right here leave it they grab it good that's and this I I credit 10 good

things that I do in my life to those early years of martial arts my first martial art training started when I was five. I got hit in the head with a flashlight. And I was buck wild and my mom didn't know what to do. I didn't know about the language. So she put me in a black martial art school with black geese on 90th Street.

Laurentio, whatever, his father, Renato Loranjo's father. Okay, oh, okay. And this guy used to map, said it a thousand times on the show. Unorthodox shit. Sometimes you get there and he'd stretch out and go, everybody, put your sneakers on. We're going for a run. And you'd have to run up and down your neighborhood with your geese. So the next day you go to school and those wise guys in the corner will go,

Hey, Mr. Karate. Yeah. Let's do this. We saw you running around. I mean, he made, who makes you run today? Right. The whole clash, the whole hour you went. John Jack does it in Malibu.

Today we're going to run today. Forget Jujit, too, they kick him. We're going for a little run. You're like, oh, no, central part. He used to check your report card. Oh, okay, nice. He used to make sure you guy. Tie it all in.

Was folded. Clean. Dog, your ghee, there was no bags in those days. There was no bags, Mike, no bags. You had to take your ghee, fold it, size it up in front of them, take the arm, fold it, smear it down, as wet as it was, smear it down. And then you had to take your pants off, shake them, tie them, pull the back, fold them, and make them the same size of the ghee.

Tie it with the belt. Tie it with your belt. And then you take your belt and you put it through and you looped it like your check, chump. And that's how you walk to school. When I got my yellow belt, I took that ghee everywhere. When I was seven, I got my yellow belt was six. I took that yellow belt everywhere.

You understand? Everywhere. Everywhere I could carry that ghee. And I got my green belt. In those days, it was yellow, green, purple, brown, and black. Okay. I stayed with LaRangea until maybe I was 10, 1973, because then I would just go on Saturdays. When I went to Catholic school in Jersey, I would just go on Saturdays.

He taught me not to be embarrassed. I was very insecure by myself. Very, like, he taught me not to be embarrassed. Do your motherfucking thing. Good. You know, he taught me to stretch and stay in shape. Like, he, you know, he was one of those dudes that he, you stretched and did calisthenics before class.

Right. And after class. After, yeah. After he really. That's really important. He really did the jumping jack. And then he would tell you, if you're not in my class three days a week, I can't pass you.

You're not going to be eligible. Yeah, there are standards. Standards. So you have to be there three days a week. Come win, place the show. At the quarter, when you got your report card, he knew. Whether you went to class that day or not, a copy of your report card had to be copied and dropped off at his office.

And if you didn't have the grades, he wouldn't teach you. He'd make you come in and you want to be a bummer. You want to be a janitor. You sweep. You do a dog. And parents would go, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He doesn't want to be.

a fucking smart guy he wants to be a janitor okay we'll give you your trading right now start him now back rooms windows and you know how many kids quit in those days and their parents are going on zero zero he got a deep fuck them go take him home mr wong and let him clean your fucking house too that was a martial art that's a mark that that's fucking huge that is we don't care about your sixty dollars or fifty dollars a month if you don't get bees you can't come to the school Wow. That's good. That's it. Sorry. Sorry. And you know what? I'm not going to teach you, but you're still going to come.

All through the semester. Yeah. I'm going to let you spa and I'm going to let you clean. So for 45 minutes you're going to come and since you want to be a janitor, you could sweep and do the toilet trees. That's it. Oh, my God. I'm bad. Oh, that is. Not one kid quit.

Right. So were you done by the time you got left back? Because that would have probably sent him to the deep end. I'll tell you what happened. Let me tell you again. Very interesting. I had no problems. Sixth, first grade, second grade, third grade, they put me in Catholic school, fourth grade.

There was no problems. Fifth grade was when I threw the nun over when I hip tossed it. And that's a move I learned in martial life. The flying nun, huh? The flying nun, dog. You know, he didn't teach just karate. He would teach you if somebody had you in a headlock, how to take their finger and twist them around. Every once in a while, he got into street stuff.

That's great. This was a real martial art. Fuck the geek today. Fuck everything. What happens if somebody comes up to you with a knife? What are you going to do? Let me at least give you the basics to get you out of it. Shit like that in class with a rubber knife and shit.

Yeah, yeah. Tremendous. And you sit there going, I don't want to learn this. But at the end of the class, you're like, wow. No, absolutely. What were we talking about? About getting left back. Getting left back.

Okay. When I started dry hump in New Yorker a reason and sucking a little tithies and shit, it drove me so crazy that that was the first time I had ever taking a break from martial arts. Oh, that summer? That, no, I started, I started messing around with that January. Oh. And I went all the way to karate time.

In fact, I got a belt that holiday. You always got a belt Christmas. You always got a belt every six months. You got a stripe or a belt that you went. And I got a belt. I got like a green belt in Ishen Roo Karate, which is Goju. Yeah. This guy, his name was Kevin Norlander.

And he was built like you. He was a, no, he wasn't a nice person. He was a Vietnam vet. He was angry about the benefits, Agent Orange. Right, right. But this guy had a great school. I heard he still teaches. Julio Rodriguez called on the podcast about a year ago.

Yeah. He teaches that same style somewhere in Middle New Jersey. I looked him up. How old are he? Wow. It's got to be 60 something, 70. Yeah. But Kevin Norlanda had a tight school, too, a lot of four.

And that's where I went. But that December, I started watching Donnie and Marie with her. And I'm not going to go to class Friday. And then I was so jealous that I just went wherever she. went. But that's the first time I ever found a love guys. Right. You follow around town. How old were you? In the seventh grade, the first time.

Okay. Okay. And all I did was we would leave school together. I'd go to my house, dry hump. She'd go home. I walk her home. Then I go home, eat dinner, and I go right back to her house like a little fucking, fucking, it was the first time I'd have a fellow love. Yeah. Yeah. They left the martial arts behind

for a little while, right? Oh, martial arts. Listen. There's a thing. You know, yeah. There's a thing called pussy. Have you guys ever heard of it? Or you're going to sit here and throw kicks like a bunch of fucking bags. Or you 14-year-olds, I'm at home dry hump and sucking ditties. And you're here doing push-ups like assholes. But you know what?

I stopped studying. I dropped everything. I dropped athletics. I dropped lifting weights in the garage. I dropped going to Mario Diaz's house. I slept and ate and lived this girl because she told me we were going to start dating that June. After school finished, we were going to start dating. And I could sleep with her.

I mean, any chance I got to make out with her, I did. Yeah. That was three months we didn't even make out. We just put our lips together. That's how much of a homo I was. If I knew what I knew now, I tell her, get the fuck out of my face. I'm going to sit there and do this. One time her grandmother came to the movies with us, fuck you.

You think I would do that today? Fuck you and your fucking grandmother. Old school, she sucked dick, too. Everybody sucks dick. Everybody sucks dick. Stop it. I swear to God, her grandmother used to come to... That's the worst, because movies is the only place you have as a kid.

Guys, her grandmother used to come, and let me tell how much of a fag Joe Deers was. I was happy to go there and sit between the grandmother and her, and I enjoy it like a half a fang. Like, oh, my God. This is so great going to movies of Grandma. I loved them. I loved her, and all I thought about, I remember once she let me just touch her pussy from the outside, guys, I don't have to tell you, we've all been 13. You can't even eat.

You can't do nothing. There's nothing in the world that matches that thing. And I quit martial arts. and I got that they sent me to summer school. I stayed on her, stayed on her. And once that cold reality was, I got left back, it took me about a month ago. I remember walking in there and him going, I don't even know who you are. In those days, they weren't very nice.

They didn't care about the money in those days. In those days, rent was $100 bucks. Either you show up or you don't. It's my personal gym, if not. If you don't show up, it's my personal gym. Insurance was $3 a month. You know, it really didn't matter if you show. I'll just come in and throw sidekicks.

So I'm going back. After like seven or eight months, then I'm going, first off, I'm stripping your belt. Oh. Okay, you're no longer a green belt because six months. You're in an elevator. Yeah, yeah. That's it.

Yeah, but I argued a little bit. Yeah. But I felt so bad inside. I felt like such a loser. And after two months, he gave me back my green belt. He made me go back and test, and he goes, I'm going to give you, I don't know what happened. And he told me, what happened? And I told him, I got left back, and he's like, dog, you're an intelligent kid.

What happened? I told him I fell in love. That's why I didn't come. I had never been in love before. And you're a kid. Guys, I used to go to school. So then once she told me that we couldn't date, that she wasn't ready. The last day of school, this dirty bitch told me, I'm not ready yet.

I snapped. Could have been a blue belt by then. And now I was, yeah, I could have been. I was really on her. I was really on. And I remember going to school, sitting in summer school for an hour and going to the nurse and going, I can't take this. I want to dry hump her. And that's all I did.

Guys, I was not even fucking her. This is how sad and pathetic I was as a young man. That's why I don't like when people fall in love, because when I went, I went deep. Right, right. I mean, I wasn't even fucking it. She was towards in the middle of the summer, she started taking off her shirt.

And I was like, you know. It's on. It's on. She would let me dry up her shirt on two little skinny tits. It doesn't matter. It's seventh grade, though. In the seventh grade. And I remember my dad called him in the closet.

at once and that was the end. She's like, see, I told you, I'll never show you my titties again, and that was it. So after that, we fucking broke up, whatever, and I went back to karate. Right. And my life changed completely. When I got left back, that was it, because if my mother found out, my mother would take the trust she had given me all those years. My mom had a deal. You take care of business, I leave you on. What's take care of business? Do your own laundry? seventh grade yeah yeah great you're on laundry because my mom will go I do laundry twice a week right you want to wear the jeans I can't give them back to you but if you want to do be my guess there's a washing machine downstairs let me teach how that it's done yeah that's good for you

that's good for you she taught me and then I also learned how to wake up in the morning yeah there was no more honey yeah get up here's some orange juice none there was no more you don't go to school you don't go to school you can't go out you can't come up and work so right if you miss school you're late so once I got left back I made sure nothing has happened. It's like driving with a warrant. You've been driving with a warrant? Not yet. You stop at lights completely. You park. You parallel park.

You look. Oh, yeah. It's the same thing. I was driving with a warrant. After I got left back, my mom didn't know I got left back. So I went back to that karate school, that October, flaming. And I would go to karate and practice basketball. I fucking said, fuck women. I will jerk off to my head blows up. I don't ever want that feeling again of being brokenhearted.

Right. That was the most horrible feelings. I got that shit out of the way at 13 or 12. Once a pussy, I got left back because of pussy. If I'm not the dumbest kid, you know. When you guys come up to me after a show and go, that was great. I want you to think about that the guy you're telling this is great. And it wasn't even real sex.

Not even close. It wasn't like I was eating a pussy or sticking a finger up her ass and fucking up her world. I was doing Zelcho, sitting at the movie theater. I think about that now. And I want to fucking punch myself. the face. I would allow, like, sitting with the grandma, I'm like, you want to pop corn? I'll go get your popcorn. Fuck you, bitch. If I knew what I knew today, I would have told the UN, your fucking granddaughter, the boat sucked my dick. Who's first? I don't give a fuck about

Titanic. Did I give a fuck about Titanic? I came in to get your daughter's pants. I swear to God, the grandmother used to come to the fucking movie theater guys. She'd drive you there and the whole thing or what? No, we took a bus to even really embarrass me right now on this fucking show. To really let people know Because I'm honest for you guys I'm a loser I thought you guys I took a bus with the grandma

And her Were you holding hands with the grandmother And what Guys with a shirt on I'd bring a flower For the grandmother If I wasn't a total ass wipe A total fucking ass wipe

But there's something kind of nice about it though There was nothing nice Looking back at it There was nothing nice Nothing nothing Nothing nothing I was a complete failure As a man

A failure I let pussy dominate me completely. Is that like what, 14? 13, 7th grade, first time. You know, I had hair on the side of your dick. That's when they wake up to it, yeah. I had hair on the side of my dick.

That's when you don't have hair in the middle. That's a tough face. Your dick is like, mozo. The sides are packed, but the middle's the length. You can't even show your dick to nobody because they're like, what happened? What happened? That's what's crazy. That's what you're going to trim the bushes on the side, make that sidewalk a little bigger, you know?

I think about that with that fucking girl and the shit I went through for those two years. And it was horrendous. I got left back. And I got to tell you, prison, prison, my mother dying, you know, being labeled a thief when I was a kid, being a thief, being a, you know, a piece of shit thief, nothing matched up to the feeling of getting left back of, because the last day of school, you go to your, you spend half the day with your teacher. And then that was also your first letdown.

That was your first. Horrible. Yeah. You don't forget the first one. Listen, anything could have happened. my life. That was not supposed to happen. When you're a dumb kid, that happens.

But when you... Especially when you're on that path. You're on the path and also... All I did was listen, take notes. Lee and I have discussed this a thousand times. If you go to class every day with an open mind and you take little notes, 16, 99, Columbus, whatever, his friend was

Jose Cortez. You just write little notes. And every night when you go to sleep, you just look at those notes. By the time you get to October, the finals, You got three quarters there. Instead of studying 12 hours, you study six. These are the things I figured out. Your head.

That I knew. I knew, and this is the scary thing. Because of martial arts, I knew this. But that year when I fell in love with Nikki, I didn't care about that. You lost your head. I depended on the class and the notes. And guys, the pussy had me so much. I didn't even care about the grades.

Like, I didn't care about anything. Like, I didn't sweep anymore. I didn't take the garbage out of my house. Right. The bushes were long. My mom's like, what's going on with you? And you weren't even getting anything. Nothing.

That's, guys, nothing. Nothing. It is so fucking embarrassing. But then I went back to martial arts, and I got to tell you something, that year and a half, that seventh grade, second time in eighth grade, and anybody who listened to the podcast and grew up with me, I became a tremendous basketball player. I mean, when I first got into basketball. And you're doing martial arts at the same time.

The same time. I figured out how to juggle. Okay. Because that's what I didn't want to do. anymore. My freshman year, I played freshman basketball. I'm taking a bus. When I get home at fucking six, I got to eat and take a bus to Union City

to make the men's class at seven to get beat up. And yeah, I had the energy, but come on. I want to do homework and get good grades, so forget fucking karate, you know? That's what happened, my friend. That's what happened. And then when I

got back into it, I got to tell you, my grades went up again. I had the schedule. I had some way to be to report to myself. When you're a child and your mother doesn't drive you to martial arts. And you get there yourself. It's a different thing. And in those days I took a, I walked up

the hill, North Bergen, which you've been to North Bergen, you know the fucking hill, I walked up to the Chinese, the Chinese restaurant all the way to the top of the sea. And then I'd go to the bar and sometimes I'd take a cab from my mother's bar to 16th Street, where the karate school was, which is 13 blocks.

But after karate, I walked to the bar. I'd walk to the bar. I'd walk to the bar. I cross the street, I go to New Moon Chinese restaurant because I was total. It's like people, Brazilians, like people go to Jiu-Jitsu eat Asaii bowl. They go to a Brazilian steakhouse. No, no, no.

In those days, I left fucking karate. And even though it was Japanese, I went to the New Moon Chinese restaurant. You know what I used to eat in those days? What? Chicken chamein. That's all I used to eat. The celery with all the shit in the bottom. It's like a pot pie.

Yeah, yeah. My mom used to make that. And then on top there would put little skinny white meat chicken. And all those little noodles. Those hard noodles. Those hard noodles. And all I ate was the hard noodles and the chicken. The rest, fuck you.

Celery's for stiffs. And I would eat the rice and get the fuck out of there. That's what I used to eat. So I would walk 13 blocks after basketball practice and motherfucking karate dog. Stay at my mother's bar, joke around, take a 20 from her. And then I'd get a cab back home. That was my life. But that karate, those three years, really put me on track.

And then I started doing drugs. I started smoking pot and one day I brought it up amongst my karate geeks and they went pale I just told my karate geeks and I tell you what I did the night I smoked some pot and I thought they were going oh yeah let's get something

they were like they were like hey man that's fucked up you know that you're going to be doing acid soon I'm like no I'm not I just tried marijuana dog they did like their own kid intervention they used to call me every night you're not smoking pot with those animals in North Bergenheim because these were Spanish kids from Union City

They had just come back from Cuba They were very militant And they were anti-drugs and shit We were like a team We're gonna be the next Bruce Lee's We were How can you smoke pot? And I was like guys

It's all Because these guys would just get together And talk martial arts for eight hours Right We didn't drink We didn't do anything We went to like a kung fu movie And then we were we all jerked off

At the movie Wow Wow And then we'd take like We'd stop and eat like Something in China town At least we did that We had young balls

We go to like a Chinese place It's sold like those Bruce Lee shirts Right, right And then we take a bus home That's what we did on Saturday When I was with my friends on Saturday From North Bergen, fuck you We got a burly, we went to the fucking

chink store, we ate pork fried rice Then we go up to fucking the college club And get a $10 bag of angel dust And we'd snort it And take a bus into the city And go to 42nd Street Need a fucking gyro at Helen Aramidi's fucking father's place

And then we fucking go fuck it Let's walk up Broadway and play three card Monty. And we'd play three card Monty and then somebody would have a joint and we'd smoke another fucking joint. We'd walk all the way up to like the 50s and then take a fucking train up to Harlem and walk around there. And the people on the streets

guys going, come on in, see nude women. And we'd go in there and sit down and all of a sudden the black chick would sit next to you and show your titties. And then she'd go, you want to see more. You've got to buy me a bottle of champagne. And you go, give the woman a bottle of champagne. And they come back and go 80 bucks and you go, $80, I only got $6.50. Get the fuck out of here.

And they would throw you back on Broadway. And all this is going on when you're on fucking angel dust, okay? All this is going on. You're dealing with black people. How old are you? 13, 14. We're in the fucking city, six or seven deep. Lee, can you believe he's still alive?

Me, Carlos Perez, Dominic Specialia. Fucking gets fucked up. We wouldn't even know who the fuck we were until we got the Port Authority on 178th. Now, what would you rather do? Spend an afternoon with us doing Angel Dust when you're 13, or spend an afternoon with Bruce Lee and his cousins, fucking doping her. around talking about karate tournaments on next week.

The answer now or when I was 13? When I was 13, the answer now is I would have stuck it out with those fucking geeks. I would have been a complete different person. On the other way, the answer when I was 13 would have been the karate guys. That fucking sounds walking out on Angel Dust. Oh my God, and going to fucking spots in Holland. I probably never even heard of Angel Dust. And Juan Ali took him, taking us to the, because I went to the 1040 club with the other ones.

But Juan Ali used to go to a different place where they'd fucking wash your dick and then wash your dick and then wash your dick and little tub like under the bed and then they'd put a condomime you and you'd fuck an old beat up woman for 10 bucks for 1250 she'd let you lick a pussy and shit Juan Ali and his brother Alberto were the kings of that. They worked at their dad shoe store he gave him like

a check for 50 and they looked at that check and said for $12 that's $4 fucking lays on one day and they'd go to the city and go to four different hooker houses for $12.50 a piece and fuck different hookers I didn't hang out with those guys. But I'm just saying is there a lot of this in Rye, New York? Fuck no.

These kids are nice white kids. They don't bother nobody. I grew up in Connecticut, though. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was born in Portchester and Ryan. But that's, that's, that was fucking nuts. So right away, I'm like, wait a second. So I would still keep my relationship with these little geeks at the karate school.

Yeah. Instead of hanging out with them all four Saturdays, I would hang out with them two Saturdays, you know. Right, right. No angel lust. No, we'd go to, like, a tournament in the Bronx, and they'd break down this fighter. Like, let's go see this guy, John Buddies. He's a fucking black belt, and we go watch John Bud fight. And, wow, look at the way he throws a kick.

Then we go back to, like, one of the kids' apartments, and we do the move that we watch John Bud doing a tournament. 80 times till 2 in the morning until somebody's parent was like, don't you guys have a fucking home? Get the fuck out of my house. It's 1130, and you guys are throwing sidekicks in my liver room. That's the geeks that these guys were. They didn't even drink.

Like, I remember going, you guys want to get a bottle like strawberry, Boone's fine. Oh, no, no, no. Dog, I couldn't take it no more. I want to get some pussy. I want to get my dick sucked. What do you think you would have turned out like without weed? Like, when you said that, I couldn't even imagine you like a nerd.

Let me tell you something, man. The last thing I was ever going to do was drugs. When I hung out with those karate kids, I ever, ever, I saw my mom snort and blow. I saw them smoking pot. I did not like alcohol as a kid until his day. I don't like fucking alcohol. I don't like even being around drunk people. That's why when I get off stage, I go to fuck home because I don't like it.

I didn't like it when I was fucking five. Right. I really don't like alcohol. But when I was seven and eight, I really hated drugs. I was growing a fucking plant one day that I loved this plant. It was a school project in the first grade. And one day I woke up and the plant was gone. My mother and the Puerto Rican baby said, it took the plant out because it resembled marijuana.

And they rolled it up and tried to smoke it. I'm like, are you fucking crazy? So my mom had to take me to a plant store and get a plant. I got an A, but that's not the moral of the story. The moral story is they stole my fucking pot plant. They stole my plant because... Did she say that to you? She told me right to my fucking face.

My mom didn't lie to me. She told me right to my face. And it wasn't a pot plant at all. No, they just thought it was a pot plant. You know, so right away, I hated fucking drugs. I always hated drugs. I hate that. I go to that fucking, like I said, the night when I go to the Bruce Lee movies and I go to the bar,

what I said? I told you. I said, I didn't know what I was going to walk into. I could walk into an argument or I could walk into a bar with 20 adults who all have rings around their nose talking. And I can tell and I look at my mother and I'd see her hand moving. I'm like, these motherfuckers are doing blow. And I go on the back and watch a something. In those days, there was no VCR direct TV.

Television shut off at one. At one o'clock, once the National Anthem came on, good night. There was nothing. You could fucking go in between channels. There was nothing. That sucks. Sucks. Yeah.

How would my life have turned out? I don't know. but I still dread that day, February 19th. How do you remember it was February 19th? Because it was a karate tournament. Okay. And you missed it? No, it was a February tournament.

And that September, I said, you know what I'm going to do? I was playing football guys. I quit playing football in my freshman year. And then my sophomore year, I got a lung infection. From the paraquot? From the paraquat. I was still going to karate. It was the summers.

So in those days, I would go to the karate. morning class and get it over with. Okay. I play basketball in the morning, ride my bike with the ghee and the bicycle in the 10th speed. This is 10 miles, dog. Go down there, do the 10 o'clock class, 1130 class, whatever it was. You had some dedication. We hung out.

We hung out because I knew that the karate was going to help my basketball. Right, right. We did a lot of horse stances, and that's what basketball is, a defense is a horse stand. Right, right. So in those days, oh, here comes Geek, Geh, Joey. Here comes Geek, Guy. White Belt, the Geek Joe. Not only was I a geek, but I was also the whitest kid in America at that time.

I used to chair sit on the walls for hours. Guys, I could do it for hours. For hours. Just to build the stamina? I would do it to a whole side of an album. Wow. Somebody told me to do it to like a whole side of an album and then get up and walk for three minutes and then do it again. I used to write colleges, basketball colleges.

If I liked the college basketball coach in that day, I would write a coach and say, give me your workout that you train your college basketball players. Every college coach in the Division I ranks had a standard copied workout, and they would send them to me. And Bill Foster from Duke said that half my in the preseason practices, like before the season, not the worry about, I got to get their legs ready for the 44-minute games. So at the end of practice, he would sit them on the wall.

You know what that is when you sit? Just sit. And fucking next one of your legs are burning. I already had the experience from the. horse stance. Yeah, yeah. Because Foco, Renato Rolange's father, Super Black, would fucking make us do horse dances.

Sit there, right? Dog, the whole class. Today, we're not going to do nothing. You ready? Horse dance. Ouss! And that was it? Yeah.

Okay. Nobody moved. Nobody moved. What's the longest you ever sat in that? Do you remember? Horse dance? Guys, this is when you're fucking 10 and 8. Yeah.

I can't. You want me to lie to you? 30 minutes, maybe? That's a long time. I used to do the worst. wall ones, an album aside. Right. That's a long time. Like the beach boys? And then your leg

start shaking and you start sweating. Breathe, breathing, breathing, breathing, breathing, breathing, breathing, breathing. Yeah, that's rough. Your ankles hurt and your knees hurt and yeah. Didn't matter. And I had a 10 speed the next day to work it out. Right. Up that fucking North Bergen Hill. Right. Jesus. But that, you know, I blame part of my work ethic on my mother.

The other work ethic, the situation I got put into at my early age. But the other part of that work ethic, I blame on the martial arts because it wasn't learning how to fight that I wanted to do. There was a time when I got a passion for forms. Right.

Which is a complete different world. When you have a passion for forms, you're going to end up being a comedian. You're going to end up being something creative because all a form is is your expression. That was the biggest trophy I ever won. A form. place in a tournament with like white or yellow belt forms.

Oh, really? Yeah. It was the best. How old were you? First grade. Oh, all right. I was so small. They picked me up to weigh me.

Take a green belt form. Do me a favor and get a green belt form. Uh-huh. And next time me and Leah in there, let's open the class. I still kind of remember. It's like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Bam. That was the basic one.

Maybe a front kick in there. You do 10 forms a day. 10, seven, five days a week. That's it. Yeah. They're great. exercise. Oh, well, well, they don't do nothing for you in the street.

Listen, it's not about the street. It's not. It's about, you know how, okay. It's homework. Geek Joey, geek Joey coming. I used to tie a string from the cabinets in the garage to the garage door. And I used to do the walks down the middle with the string on my head. Jesus.

Okay. And that was how crazy Joey was. And then as the tournament guy, I remember how it was. As close as we got to the tournament, I would lower the string, right? No, I would lower my head. Oh, okay. And then lower the string. Okay.

Geek Joey. Why did your head have to be lower? Because your form, you want your, you want your, you want your forms, your hips to be perfect, and your knee and your hamstring and your hip. Like they looked in those days, those judges looked at everything. Yeah. How your leg hanged, if you didn't point like that. First we learned just to throw the punch, but then they wanted you to aim and throw the punch.

All those little things were points. Yeah. So once you get into that form, sometimes I go on stage and I think about a form. I think I look at it as a form. That's the easiest way I'm going to remember my material. I'm sorry, I just admitted that. It works, though. It works.

If I don't look at my material as a form, I will not remember it. Right, right. But that doesn't mean you're not in the moment. It just means that's how you remember the set. Yeah. The nice thing about a form, too, You can do it any way you want to do it. You can do a hard one.

You can do a soft one, a long one, a high one, you know. You can do it until you're 80. You can do it by yourself. You can do it in a little tiny room. You know, that's the difference. That's a nice thing about a form. We used to have to move the living room coffee table. And when my mom was making dinner, my brother and I would have to practice our forms every day.

Yeah, yeah. But you just need a little space like this. And you can, you know, hotel room, you can do your form in a hotel room. you know yeah forms are great actually I'm not the best at them you know I'm not I'm not very good but I uh you know I do enjoy doing them You know we're really good at people do forms Who?

People who have the patience to do it Oh yeah yeah listen Yeah let me tell you some you have no idea what it's like to do 20 forms You have no and that's what Norlander was the king of Norland on the Saturday it was form Saturday You know what form Saturday was all class same form Right. We're going to do it 10 times, and then we're going to break it into pieces what the form means.

Why his hands are low. He's blocking a low kick. Throw that kick. He would do that into sequences. And then guess what? Another 10 times. And this time we're going to drop an inch on everybody. So your legs.

And then sometimes he'd stop. Stop right in that position. Stay there two minutes. Breathe. Think about what that position is. Right. The opponent's going to shift on you now. Yeah.

You're going to turn your head to the left. It was beautiful. Oh, yeah. And it's... I've never heard about it like that. That's really cool. Oh, my God. But you know what?

By the six, remember when we did kettlebells the other day? Remember when that motherfucker said, okay, we're going to go 10 to 10 now. At 10 minutes, everybody goes, I don't think so. Like, I kept telling Lee. Who's it, Yogi Steve, outlier strength? Yeah, I was going to do five. In my mind, I go, I'll do five, and I'm tapping out. But then we all got into such an energy that if I would have been alone,

if we would have been alone, all of us would have go, five is good. But your energy, my energy. Oh, you know. Forms are great. yourself but when four of us are all doing them together oh yeah we all look and all our heads went like this at the same time you ever been in a room and there are 50 of you that's it man the energy doing a form oh yeah you get 50 people in in a room doing the same form you'll get that key eye together it's it's a great feeling it really is yeah forms are great they really are you

know when i take a private down it down at v mac with tituro that guy let me and you know he wins in the world. He does his cadas. His cadas are really crisp and it's because like what you said, he does him over and over and over and over and over again. What's life about? When I, yeah, it's... What's life about? Over and over and over and over.

How many discussions have we had here, Lee? What is life about? It's the same thing. Going back and doing the same thing over and over. So that's where martial art comes in again. That's it. That's the guy who goes to the basement at 10 o'clock and goes, I'm not going upstairs to 9.30. You keep polishing.

Bam, bam. Bam. Never mind. In those days, we didn't have cameras. It wasn't like we thought about putting a camera. Right. Those are the sickest motherfuckers. That was in 94 in Boulder. White boy Magoo, he'd have four cameras. Right. And then at night, he'd come back. And then at night, you come back and get pizza. Right.

And he goes, you see right there, put that, and I wasn't even competing and torn. No, I was doing. So he'd record himself every day and then watch it in the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The class. Yeah. Lee, get to the middle. Do Il-Soo sheet number one, two, three, and do.

and do Bocock Bhuta won. Okay, boom. And he tape you from two angles. You get one of the red belts from the other angle. And then that night you come back after dinner. This is how crazy this white boy was. He was filthy rich. It helps.

He called me a few years ago. He got my number. He congratulated me. I go, what's going on? He goes, I sold the school. He had a little school. Then he bought a bigger school. And then the M.M.A came.

And the school that there's the biggest M.A. in Boulder is his old school. Wow. He sold it, made some money. He went back to doing blow and asked him. He told me he was on probation for something. I asked him if he still practice. He goes, I haven't thrown a kick in like eight years since I sold the school.

And that's what my point is about all this. It kept me together. Yeah. So that September, when I had the lung infection, I couldn't play basketball. Like, I had to come to terms and go, I'm 5'10. It's not going to happen. I'm Cuban. I'm fast, but I'm not quick.

Right. Big fucking difference when you shoot noops. Oh, yeah. I had nothing leave. And now all I had was Kevin Norlander. And I went, and I went. And I went to a couple tournaments with him, with the fucking geeks. Right.

I took a first. I believe it would take a first in fighting or I'd take a first in forms. In forms. And I think about it now. And then in January, I went to two competitions where I ate dick in forms, and I got disqualified for contact. What? Two tournaments.

I kicked above the head. Yeah, that happens. And you know why? Because I wanted to fuck. At that time, I hadn't fucked yet, and that was the big thing in the neighborhood to fuck somebody. And I was frustrated.

And I just wanted to fuck. And I was hoping if I kicked this guy real hard in the fucking head, some chick little Chinese chick with a ghee would suck my dick. I was frustrated. I don't think I've ever kicked anybody in the head. Oh, my God.

All my kicks are always in range. I didn't hurt nobody. I didn't hurt anybody. I'm just saying I'm also short. It was in those days, let me tell you how safe They were if you didn't wear the knee things down, the arms. In those days, there was this rubber stuff they sold.

But I didn't like it all. It was too sweaty. It stunk. And it was the beginning of the that type of protection. It wasn't really gloves. It was a pad for everything. But in those days, they were so safe. Yeah, the helmet on and everything.

Yeah. In those days, it was so safe at the kids' tournaments that even if you kicked above the throat level, seven inches. If the guy went like that, disqualification. Oh, wow. So I got disqualification. fight twice. And I said, you know what? He kept saying, there's that cherry hill open. There's the cherry hill open, you know, whatever the fuck it was. It was like an hour from my house. You know what I'm going to do? Tell you what I'm going to do. And I told myself this in my head.

I said, I'll tell you what I'm going to do on my 15th birthday. I'm going to go down to that tournament. I'm going to take first place in form. I'm going to take first place and fighting. That's it. I'm not fucking around with these motherfuckers no more. And guess what I'm doing after that? Bang it. quit oh you quit oh so you're gonna go out on the top go on that's it yeah tournament started at 10 in the morning I wake up I'm 15 years old my mom and my stepdad had split my mom had lost the bar the house wasn't doing too well

I wake up my 15th birthday I look outside there's a foot and a half of snow my heart is broken I've just trained like a madman running kicking you know doing wind sprints with the track team at North Bergen I'm doing everything to get in shape so I could fucking knock these motherfuckers out and go out. There's a thing. You couldn't get there. He calls me up. He goes, no, we're going. I'm going going to come and get you with my truck. We're on the bottom of

the fucking hill. This motherfucker came and got me with 20 kids in a truck. 20 fucking Spanish, white, Irish. Didn't it like a bag of a pickup truck? Everybody in the back. Let's go. Dress warm. We drove the hour. You know, some other parents came. Listen to this fucking

story, guys. Drove the hour. Went out there. Boom. I got disqualified for fighting. But I took first in forms by, I mean, by a long shot, like tens, everybody tens, tens, tens, tens, tens, tens, tens, boom, before he came up to me. He's like, dog, you got to control that foot. But I tell you, when it comes to that, we're going to pass you, blah, blah, blah. And I didn't even say nothing. In my heart, I knew.

I'm like, I'm not fucking going back. I'm going to go do drugs with my friends. That's it. And I get home about 2 o'clock, and my mom's there with some people. And they're drinking, they're watching like a basketball, they're betting something, whatever. whatever, those Cubans were betting that day. It was a Docompo brothers were at my house. And one Docompo brother came up to me when I was taking a shower.

I was going to the movies in Jersey City to see some. This is how good my memories. I was going to walk up that hill and take the number one bus to Jersey City with my friends. And he came upstairs and he goes, listen, I didn't buy you anything for your birthday. What number you want to play on your birthday? And it was maybe, I don't know, two. And I go, my birthday, 219. He goes, I'm going to put $10 on $2.19 for you.

I fucking got my boots on. I walked out that door, walked, took the bus. When I come in, there was 10 Cubans in my living room, Hammond. My mom was crying. She goes, you motherfucker, you hit the number. How much is $10? $5,000. Wow.

I said, I'm never going back to karate. I got, I got $5,000. I had to tip him $500. What are you going to do, though? That's the way the Cubans do. You got to tip the book $500. Who told you that? your mom? My mom was a tipper. What did you say? I knew the way

she played. My mom always believed that whatever you gave me, I have to give half a way to have good commerce. God gave me this amount. This is a great amount. Yeah, yeah. We could eat for weeks, but you know what? Maybe John Butter, you could eat for two more weeks. Boom. Boom. So when I got back, I had to give Arnaud, or nickel. I had to give his brother 200 just because he was sitting in the room. Oh, trust me, Lee. I'm a Cuban Jew. I'm burning inside. And guess what? And Mommy wanted to say,

So I had to give her 15 off the top. So I ended up with whatever it ended up. And my mom told me, you got to go to the hub tomorrow on 30th in Bergenland and put in the bank. That's your money for school next year. And I was like, okay, I'm going to put two Gs in the bank. I'm taking a nickel. I'm buying a quarter pound of a refund of refra. And that became Junkle Joey's career into the murky waters of the underworld.

I bought a quarter pound apart from one of my good friends on Facebook. He became a cop years later. it was four ounces for 200 bucks so I get an ounce of 50 bucks and I would sell it 400 What the fuck you think you're dealing with dog And then I finance my mescaline business And that finance my whatever

But listen to me It was all downhill And I'm lying to you guys It was all downhill after that I got the lung infection I went to the hospital My mother got sick And then she died

And there was no coming back Until this day It was the whammy poop in that fucking martial arts tournament and somebody put a whammy on me. What? I'm just teasing you. But my point is that my compass fell off

when I stopped going to that martial art. After that fucking day, and that was my freshman year, that was my freshman year in high school, I was turning 15. It makes sense because that sophomore year was when I got, I couldn't play basketball,

I couldn't play football because I started spitting up blood and I had the lung infection. Two months later, my mother died, martial arts was a far, this thing from my right right right I never got martial arts again from that day I was 15 when did it when did you go back to martial arts do you remember 1994 okay I was 31 years old okay okay and I joined uh Sue bogdo okay okay okay okay okay I stuck it out with him for about

a year 14 months and then did you find in that time when you went back when you were 31 did your things in your life get better at that point up got superb okay okay my every day life was better. I was still a fucking Coke fiend. Okay, okay. And I had a bad temper at the time I was going through a heavy duty divorce, but that class leveled you out a little bit and whatever. I always know that

at that age I already knew that when you feel bad, if you go home, it's just going to get worse for you. You're going to think about it and the walls are going to come closing down. Right. So I would just go to his class. Okay. It was $50 on limited for the month. Right. And he was such a fucking karate dude. You go there and burn it out.

Seven? Like I said, in the beginning I'm not kidding. By himself. Noa Cic. Everybody he had there, he had, when I joined that school, it was in a fucking ballerina studio where there was a pole.

So all he worked on was kicking. One, two, boom, one, and that's all he did for an hour. Was just pick up your leg, keep it there, keep it there. This is also a block. Okay, he's getting close. He's in your range.

Boom, explode. And that's what we did. And then he goes, I bought a fucking building. He goes, I took my 2.5 billion, I'm going to turn into a karate world, everything was, State of the Yard, the weights, the punching bag, the mats, they were fucking all Taekwanda.

I mean, he went, you know, that's why when he sold it, he got top dollar for him. So I got enamor, I got fuck, I fell in love with it again. That was my outlet. I'd smoke, and he smoked. Okay. So a lot of times you could go there and go, come on, let's go outside and smoke, and then he teaches stone. Right, right, right. I stuck it out with him, and then I never did it again, and I went to Seattle, and there was a Subbockto.

They have a webpage. Okay. I remember going on the web page, and I called around there with Diaz's. In fact, up in Seattle, the Diaz's that teach the Sub-Bakdo. I'm not going there. And then when I came to Hollywood, I moved to Sunset and Vista. Okay, okay. And one day I'm walking on sunset.

And there's a Mudakwan Sub-Bakdo school on sunset. Right, right. I remember that school. It's still there. It's still there. He still teaches that. Yeah. But at this time, the guy who has it now,

was an assistant instructor, not getting paid at all, teaching all the classes. The guy was this guy that went nuts. He bought into it. Some movie went to him for some casting thing, and he went nuts. When I joined one day, the first thing he gives you is a DVD of him with some production company. He spent millions on him walking down the streets of sunset, and he gets attacked by black guys, and he takes him down with the Sub-Bogdo. He gets attacked by Yum, Yum, Eat Him Up.

So, I mean, the guy was just in love with himself. You had never seen this. I was in, but I tell you one, I saw something that was very embarrassing one day. One day I was just walking by and I saw him in there. I saw both the black belts in the office. And as I walked by, I could tell that they were having a serious cop. Right. And he was yelling at his black belts.

The students were there, the white, the kids were there. And the parents were in the hallway. And he was berating him. everybody fucking pays. I'm not running a fucking charity over here. If they're not in by the fifth, fuck them, they cannot train. And some of the parents there were rushing.

You know, they're kind of broke. They're getting it together. Right, right. I didn't like him. Well, he sold the school. He took the $2 million or whatever, the production company game. Right.

And went to Philly and built his huge taekwondo world. But guess what happened? The UFC came in and everybody wanted to learn Jiu-Jitsu. and he fucking fell apart. His wife left him, done. So this guy has to school. So I trained in there. I was in there until I was a green belt.

400 pounds. 400 pounds, I would go twice a week. Reeking of cigarettes and refa. Reeking. The little kids would even come with him and go, ew, you smell. Joe Rogan used to drive by and go in there at night and sit there and watch me do Taekwondo

and shake his fucking head. And he goes, I'm just happy. doing something. They'd fucking 400 pounds. Yeah. And I would go and then throw sidekicks and I'd see people walking by like Saturday mornings, like travelers on sunset walking by, and they'd see the karate school. And they'd see this 400-pound guy throwing kicks and they'd all put their hands on the

glass and go, look at that fucking guy. Look at that fat guy. And were the kids in the class too? And thought, I loved the kids in the class. I was good friends with the girls. I was really great there because I knew. I loved it. I just loved it. I bowed. I did everything. But there was times I walked in and the kids were telling me, man, you smell like cigarettes. And all I would do that, I would basically go there, park my car and have the money ready in my bag. So when I got out of there, I would go to El Campaidre and buy Grandma Blah. It was all part of my midnight little journey. Martial arts was all a midnight little journey.

But at least you got the workout in. Yeah. And then I would go to the morning classes. He only had like one or two morning classes at that time. This was when? When did you? This is 2001. Oh, okay, okay. I'm 400 pounds. So pretty recent, yeah. I'm 400 fucking pounds.

Okay, so 94. I'm in martial arts 95. I stopped. For five years, all I did was gain fucking weight. I'm moving with my fucking wife, and I go from 320 to 370 to about 395. I'm walking around at 395. And one day I'm at Broadway shoes on sunset. and a dude is in there

are yoked Russian dude I'm not talking yoked steroids I'm talking yoke this guy's been doing dead list for a long time leather jacket we get to talking I teach American

Jiu Jitsu okay where do you teach American Jiu Jitsu Sunset and Highland Who was this Who was it bro it was 120 a month

or twice a week after the first time I wanted my money back I wanted my 120 back 100 for the ghee. It was American Jiu-Jitsu. Okay. You opened up the class with 100 rolls.

Wow. A hundred back rolls, you know, side, pop-p-p-pa-pah, you know, all those. Right. Tap and let me tell you something. I lost weight. Oh, yeah. I lost 20 pounds in two weeks, twice a week. My ankles lost weight.

That guy. Just getting down, getting thrown, and getting up, that makes you lose weight. Just falling and getting up makes you lose fucking 25 fucking pounds. It was amazing. But, dog, it was those guys were killers. Yeah. Then he bumped into me once. I said, listen, I can't come anymore.

I'm 400 pounds. Right, right. 120? I'm starting blow. I got to give you 120. You know what I'm saying? Every time I want to pack it's, I want to come and get my 60 back. Oh, my God.

And I'm like, I can't do it no more. And one day I saw him, and he just embarrassed me. He just ripped me apart. He was like, I moved to Hollywood, too many flakes like you. You don't want to come to my school. I go, dog, I'm 400 fucking pounds. And you got me doing backflips. When I signed with you, you said you were going to work with me and teach me how to fall.

I got killers. I got killers. There was a lot of Hollywood actors that went there. And they really believed that, you know, the jih Tzu. And I'd put them to work. You know, I'd throw them fucking too. But they'd throw you too, man. It was hard.

It was fucking hard, Lee. And whatever I was, I was 15 years ago. And this class was hard. It was, everybody was always hurt. Their wrists were falling. And one day I was like, I'm like, I can't do this no. And I went back to, and that's when I joined Fuckstick after that. From there, I went to Taekwondo back on sunset.

Okay, okay. And I stuck it out with him. And he told me something. I really like Nigeria. That's his name. Chris Najia is a great fucking guy. Chris Nagia walked in that place as a white belt. Right, right.

That's like walking into VMA as a white belt. And 20 years from now you own the place. Yeah, yeah. And now you're teaching what the guy taught you. You still kept to the neighborhood school. His prices are a little high, but he's on sunset. Right. He's on fucking sunset.

And he told me once, like, I used to go, and I get coked out, and then I wouldn't go for a week. And one day, I saw him, and he goes, what's going on with you? If you're broke, you're still family. Right. He goes, look at your ID card. My ID card in Subbock Doe is like, I'm old school. My numbers are from 95.

So when I go into a school now, they're like, oh, shit. You're an OG, Jack. Sub-Bak Do ID card? Yeah, I'm in that fucking whatever. You have to join the Federation all that. No. All their themes. Those Koreans are thieves.

Are you still a member? Yeah. Oh, yeah. All I have to do is renew my membership. I can walk into any Sub-Bak-D school. One week, one class for free. And then the next one, I got to pay a class. Okay.

If you go. How much do you give them every year? 60 to renew. Damn. 80 a year. Wow. 80. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Those Koreans. Sub-Bago, it became. Like many other martial art things, a lot of people opened up schools, and they know that the children keep you alive. Especially with Taekwondo. It builds discipline. It does this. It does that.

You go to a daytime class. The fucking teacher's not even teaching. He's got like a yellow belt teaching 16 kids, and they pay what the adults pay. It's very fucking lucrative. I mean, it's not a bad living. Well, it's not that it's lucrative. It covers everything else. It covers the fighter who comes in and doesn't pay.

it covers this guy, it covers that guy. A lot of schools like that. That was one place when the original owner had it. Right. That every week you got juiced. Listen to me. Every week you got juice. On the way out, you don't have your official patch.

$10. It comes from Korea, gets sent to your house from the Federation, send them a money. It's got to be on your guise for yellow. Do you have the Yellow Belt book? What yellow belt book? You got to buy a book of a video. If you look at your contract and the Federation, and then they have the so that guy had to pay the Koreans this is a very funny story

Chris Nagea was paying the Koreans guess what mame came your classes went from 20 to fucking six nobody want to learn Taekwanda right right so one day he you know he said listen this is all great and dan they know you want you two grand off the top well here it is we got six people in here and they said listen that's not our problem you got to give us our two Gs to keep subag dog he said I am I'm going to put you jjjjj's to keep subag dog he said I am I'm going to put Jiu-Jitsu in there, Gracie Jiu-Jitsu. They said, we don't want to be involved with Brazilians. He said, then there's no more Federation.

You guys are cut. So if you join that school now, you don't have to join the Federation because they broke away. And the fucking guy, remember, part of the Federation, the guy comes once a year. I don't know if anybody who listens has been involved with martial arts, but once a year, the Big Korean comes. He comes

in with his shoes, with the whole get-up on, right? Because that's what it is, the fucking get-up. You don't dress like that. At at home, he has shorts on, and his shirt, with Jimmy Hendricks on it. But also he flies to the States. He walks into a school in Burbank. There's six homoes like I was when I was 13.

I had Master Shin. Master Shin. Master Shin. I never got to see anybody. Oh, please. They walk in. You all have to do a form in front of them. You got to bow.

You eat a little rice. He says something in Korean. You know what he's telling you in Korean? You guys are all sucking my dick. This shit don't work. This shit don't work. I've been fucking building houses. This shit don't work.

suck my dick and you're there bowing the teachers bowing everybody's all excited bowing this guy don't give a fuck before he leaves the assistant comes over and goes don't forget the little fucking envelope you guys forget when the korean comes the town it's first class it's hilton it costs you 5g just for this guy to come bow and go like this and i remember falling for that shit and one day going this motherfucker don't want to be here we had that you don't want to be here you got to take a picture with the guy that guy's taking a picture he's like what the fuck am I doing with this white fuck? We just bombed these fucks 10 years ago.

Now I got to sit here on the west side of L.A. And bow with this motherfucker and make believe it. That was my first experience. When I was in college, we had Grand Master Shin. We bombed these guys 10 years ago. Yeah, we bombed these fucks 10 years ago. He wants to be here. He's trembling.

He's like, what do I need this? Because he's picking up 2 Gs. And he's going there. He's going to a 10 o'clock or 4 o'clock in San Diego. Oh, yeah. He's going to a 2 o'clock in Vegas. When those fucking japs come over, they come over heavy. They pick up a big fucking envelope

from suckers like us. Meanwhile, we think they're magical, like that guy on YouTube that throws magic tricks on the students and they're flipping. There's fucking people that believe that. The Chi master. Guess what? Guess who one of those people was? I believe that guy existed. I want a Chi

powers too. I would have gave that guy a deuce out of my own fucking kick to hang out with him and fucking do that to people. I was a fucking asshole, too. I'm a sucker guys. I'm a sucker for martial large. When I was a kid, the caboodle tonfa, I had every weapon. I had the thing

that you held and you threw punches to. Throwing knives and the stars. Everything. And then they sell you the stars, then they weren't sharpened. For an hour for two fucking days. You're throwing it against the wall and it's sticking. You think you're retarded. Then some friend goes, you got to sharpen them. And once you

sharpen those motherfuckers, it's a different type of party. Let me get my glasses so I can do some shoutouts. All right. How much was really that chocolate? Was it like 500? Nah. I think it was. I wouldn't do 500.

Yes, you would. You'd done it multiple times. You know I wouldn't. You'd my little brother. I want to give you a shout out to my man, Jose Colazo, and Camden, Caso Hines, Constantine, Rain, always in the game. Mr. Hungas. That should be a new rap, Constantine.

Kern Michael fucking in town this weekend at the store last night. He was and went up on stage with Tripoli. Alex Bison Rich Santa Cruz and my girl Raroniique If you haven't seen Veronique on Twitter You might as well sign up for a page right now

The bitch is banging with a bikini She's showing big tiddies It's a party If you get home at 3 you want to whack off It's the best you got You know what I'm saying Sometimes you gotta whack off to a chick in a bikini One time I jacked off to the woman

In red all they do was show her bush I kept that motherfucker on pause With the line going on there And I banged out a good fucking dick sucking one night myself. I don't even know what I'm saying. This is the edible cell. It's time to eat another star.

The lobster roll guy is covered to the fucking thing. Okay. So now, Karzane. You get into this Tangsudu in college. Taekwondo. Do you get a black belt?

No, I got up to red. Okay, and then what did you do? Then I went to Tangsudo. So I went back to Connecticut and joined a Tangsudo school. And that was a good school. Master Wang's in Stratford, Connecticut. Moved to New York and joined Master Lee's Tang Suddle, and they were affiliated.

So I got up right before Blackbell, and then I moved out here. So I left that organization. I moved out here, and then I started taking karate with Avi Roka. Here in town. Yeah, here in town. You're breathing to the mic. Oh, sorry. Avi Roka.

Like a girl three in the morning. Speaking to the mic. Avi, you know, now we're still affiliated with him. And he was one of Nishiyama students, one of his top students. And I used to walk. Same thing, I used to walk to his place. And then I was a waiter. And I would walk, just walking.

And I got up to Greenbelt with Avi. Took like five years off. I did nothing. And then I joined another Shotokan karate school and got my black belt there. Where was that? That was right down the street, actually. it was a different organization That was a trailer

Yeah it was down the street Is that guy still there? Yeah Not a bad school She's only there a couple days a week It's cheap Real cheap right It's pretty cheap

It was It was okay It was a different style Of Chodokan It was a little bit different After that Then I opened up my own school And I went back to Avi

So Avi was He's just down in Pico and Doheni But it's such a drag driving down So when did you open up your own school? God, five years ago What school was this? Valley Martial Arts Center Okay, no, no, no, I'm not trying to quiz you here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When did you join John Jock then? When the fuck did John Jocker? John Jock came in in 2000. In 2000. What made you walk into John Jond? Now, you're already studying karate. I studied karate and I had a bad attitude.

So I got in a little argument with the teacher and I was a brown belt, and we decided I needed to take a month off. So I took a month, but then that month I started itching. I was like, well, what am I going to do for a month? So I drove up to John Jock's, with Yogi Steve, actually. We drove up there and Yogi Steve said, you're never going to drive up here. What are you going to drive up here three times a week? It's 10 miles away. I got up there. I didn't

know who John Jock was. I didn't know what Jujitsu was. I just needed a workout. And I went up there and my first story, I mean, I was a, you know, in my head, I was a brown belt. And I face a brown belt in Jiu-Jitsu. And I'm thinking of my, you know, I'm smart enough to wear a white belt, thank God. But I'm facing this brown belt and I'm thinking of myself, this poor bastard. He doesn't know that I'm a brown belt. And I'm going to, I was pretty good in karate at that time. It's like, I'm going to wreck this guy.

And he has, he's no idea. He thinks a white belt. He thinks I'm a white belt that's never done anything. I'm going to wreck this guy. That guy, his name was Mark Armstrong. And anybody who's rolled with Mark Armstrong knows that they call him the shark. You know, when you roll with Mark, Mark the shark, you're getting. getting wrecked, okay?

And this guy, he was a brown belt at the time. This guy arm barred me in two seconds flat. And I hear John Jock yell, hey, John, Jiu-Jitsu's not karate. You know? And right away, I was like, holy shit, what just happened? You know, I got, I was like, thank God I didn't say anything about my brown belt. You know, thank God I didn't say anything.

And I faced him again and he got me again. like a minute and again, you know, I have a Joe Rogan story just like that. You know, then I was into, I started going back to John Jock's and I was into it. Joe Rogan was a purple belt at the time. You know, he's a big, you know, he's a big guy. He's a strong guy. He's, he's a little shorter than I am, but he's a big guy. And I rolled with him once. He was a purple belt. And John Jock said, okay, whoever you're with, you're with this guy for seven minutes. Joe Rogan taps me in 20 seconds. and I looked at him and I said, so I got six minutes and 40 seconds left with you. And he was like, you'll do it right.

And the next time I lasted a minute, then the next time, two minutes. Then after that, he didn't tap me in that session, you know. But that guy, you know, that guy was really good. I've enrolled with him since then. It's been a long time, but really a lot of good experiences. Then I went back to that karate school, got my black belt. stayed there for like four more years, and then I left, and then I opened up my own school. How did you hook up with a Chiro?

With Tichiro, I needed a black belt. I needed a high-level black belt to help me open this school, because I'm a showdown. I'm a first-level black belt. I needed a guy who was like third, fourth degree. He just got his fifth degree now, which is really good for the school. But he was a fourth-degree black belt, and we needed an instruction. So he was just helping me and an Ako at the time. And then we just said one day, hey, you know, let's open it up.

Not just the three of us. Let's see who else wants to do it. And then we get one guy. And then we got another one. And then another one. And then it just got bigger. But you guys were doing Jiu-Jitsu in the studio first. Yeah, yeah.

But first, we were just renting out space down at Madeline Clark Dance Studios. We rented by the hour. And we started with just the adult. karate. Then I said, you know, maybe I'll try kids. You know, so then we started renting out a little bit more space. I got a couple of kids. Then, you know, I became good friends with Marcello up at John Jocs. And I said, you know, maybe we can add Jiu-Jitsu to it. Let's try. Marcello, he was on board even back then. He was a brown belt. I was a purple belt. And we started teaching Jiu-Jitsu. We would put the mats out, wash them, roll, wash them away.

And Madeline Clark, they were really cool. They let us keep the mats there. But we had to map them out each time, each time. Jesus. One class a week back then, Friday night. And then we got Kyle walked in. Eric Medina would stop in. And then Zach and PJ and even that little guy, Sean, would come in.

We started getting crossover from the karate, which I didn't even think was going to happen. I didn't even realize, oh, these guys are interested in more than one marshal. art. So I didn't even foresee that, but that's how we got our original students. Then I started going on Craigslist and answering ads and putting stuff on Craigslist. And it got bigger. And then Marcella said, yeah, we need another day. One day a week's not good enough for these guys. And finally, we found, me, Ticero, and Ako found a school. And from there, that's when we opened Valley Martial Arts Center. And then once you have your own school, you make your own hours and it just got bigger and bigger. And then we added Nick Papadakis with Kali.

You know, we tried yoga for a little while. That tanked on us. And we tried a sword, a sword thing once. And that tanked on us too. Thank fucking God. Yeah. But no, now we have the solid, you know, the Kali is getting better, bigger and better. And the Jiu Jitsu, it's actually taken over. That's like the biggest program there now. What? And then we added kids, Jiu Jitsu kids. Why don't you think a lot of schools teach just wrestling? Because even before I started this, I looked into it just because I had done it in high school.

I'll maybe I'll do it. Just wrestling? Yeah. I don't know. There's wrestling places in the valley. I have a friend at a weed store that's a little yoke guy that was going to, he's like a purple belt over at Gracie. Okay. And he was telling me that once a week he would go to a wrestling place.

Okay. That he wrestled in high school and he wasn't that good. and he walked in. There's a place around here that's high level. Okay. I'm not kidding. Two or three miles, maybe five miles from here.

That's high level. Wrestling? Yeah. You go there in the daytime and they will fuck your world up. They have instruction, the whole fucking deal. Really? Oh.

Yeah. They have the whole thing. In fact, now I feel bad. When I saw Cole Miller in Fort Lauderdale Saturday night, he goes, there's a, you know, AT&T is everywhere.

I would have brought my guide to Fort Laudette. to Fort Lauddale because it's huge Jiu-Jitsu down there. Right, right. But everybody I called, I called a great school, Gracie guy, Stey. Great guy, answered my call. He goes, is this Joey Diaz? We started talking. And he goes, my class is 25 minutes away,

blah, blah, blah, blah. And then my aunt was coming Saturday, so I said, you know what, I'm not going to bring a geek. But then when I got there Thursday, some guys like, like, dog, AT&T is down the corner. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? And I fucked up? There's a kid there. I'm older than he is.

Steve Marco, the wrestler, the UFC kid, I'm just older than he is. Yeah, yeah. But we're the same people. We hung out with the same people. I hung out with his dad, his dad, you know, we're all the same motherfuckers. And when I asked, call, I go to Steve still there.

He goes, yeah, in fact, I went to his wrestling class today. Oh. I wanted to shoot myself. Oh. Steve Marco, you know, went for Oklahoma. But, you know, him just to teach me a takedown. I don't know takedowns. I know what you guys taught me.

Yeah. The single and whatever. Just to, you know, it's a little heavy for Uncle Joey when somebody drops you at 300 pounds. Right, right. But it's good to know, just to know. Today, when I got up and Lee took me down, I'll tell you what the first thought of me was. If I want to do a tournament, I have to learn how to do this. Yeah.

And now I'm happy Lee did this. I didn't hold my breath enough. Good. And Lee took me down. I felt really bad because I never. As soon as I didn't. It was clean. Now I know how he felt, how frustrated 20,

people are with me. Joey, listen, don't come no more if you're not going to put pressure on my chest. People used to throw me, Lee, because I lay half on and they're like, you're going to lay on me and go, no, okay, you want me to lay on you? Do it or don't do it? It happened for six months. I would get killed because of chest.

I can't pin his arm with my leg. Yes, you can. One day I put my leg on somebody's leg. I passed their guard and I pinned their leg with my knee and I can heal their whole nerve is central 300 pounds in the middle of your leg when I cross your guard you lose you people will tap if I stay there I'm not a scumbach I could stay there and make believe like I'm looking for something I ain't looking for none I don't know what to do that I know it's hurting you

this motherfucker that hegan's I heard them go I can hear a central nervous system breaking down from my I was cut it's 300 on your bone when you're 180 or 190 I felt it too yeah It's on your leg. I can feel it, that I'm cutting more circulation. I do that six minutes. You're that stubby dude, fucking jihitin.

You have a very great school. I feel very comfortable at your school, which I don't feel at a lot of places. It's old school martial arts for me. I came up. Now you know why I like Valley Mac. There's a bag. There's a wrestling dude.

His name is Charlie. with a pink vion. Fred, Fred, Fred with a pink neon. It's old school. You know, Mondays and Fridays Day, they have this thing. Marcello Madness. It's from 8 to 8.45. You're picking up tires.

It's doing jumping jacks. You're whatever. You know what? Listen, if I come to you and I said, I can't do it, you know, I'm a little overweight. I'm a lot overweight. I'm not the, my knees hurt. I got a fucked up shoulder. You know what?

I don't want to be a UFC fighter. But if you are 32 and younger, and you're not doing Marcello Madness twice a week, you're killing yourself to live. Yeah, yeah. Lee can't do it right now because sometimes you do the podcast on Monday nights, a percentage of the time, we do it on Monday nights. But Lee, you have to do, Lee, you're halfway there. You're doing the whole kettlebell class. Come on, Lee. Lee does the kettlebells now, and he's picking up a 60-pound bag on his shoulder.

He showed me up last week. Let me pick up the bag on his shoulder. you pick up the bag on your shoulder Lee a year ago you couldn't pick up that fucking bag a year ago when we went to the grudge match premiere when fucking salami called me a day later and he goes who was that Chinese kid with you and I go Lee and he goes that's not Lee how much weight did he gain you would have not been able to pick up that fucking thing you know I know so you would you're doing he's doing good he's doing we would sweat coming up these Stairs.

Right. I used to come up those stairs a year ago. I swear to my mother, and leave it always. When I'd walk here, I'd make believe, like I had it under control and leave it go. Joey, you all right? I'd be in a different world, just from those back stairs. I told you. We moved in.

Yeah, no, no. I told him that when he first came to VMAQ, you could do two hip escapes, right? Two, three hip escapes, he'd turn purple. And on the inside, I was thinking, oh, my God, is this guy going to have a heart attack on me right here on my floor? I used to worry, you know? Listen, dog. Now across the floor, all the way. Today was the first time in a long time I went across the board.

That's a big floor. I'm out of Shroom Tech. But one time I took Shroom Tech, and after I rolled a little bit, I was doing those hip escapes. Like, I owned that motherfucker. Like an ice skater. I was skiing the crawled. He said a fat dude. And listen, you go home.

Every time I would do one more hip escape, to me, that meant the world. Of course. That meant the world. You don't understand that. Like you said today, the grandman. Master says what's Jiu-Jitsu about hip escapes. You can't do enough hip escapes. If there's nobody around and you got nothing to do and there's a sidewalk and you got a hard

ass anyway, you might as well start hip escapement because you will lose more. Why fuck around? That's it. That's it. You know, everybody's looking for the next level to lose weight. Listen, you do 30 minutes of hip escapes at the YMCA and come see me. And then get on the bicycle for 30 minutes. Oh, yeah.

And come see me. The first six minutes of hip escapes. escapes, your head will never spin like that before. You will doubt your manhood. Oh, your abs and, oh. No, no, no, no. And listen, let's be honest. Let's be honest. The first year, I was not doing a hipposnake

I was doing a seal type. Like a hip drag. You know what those seals do? Dragging your ass on the other. I broke my toes twice. Okay, that's how fucked up. I'm not here to lie to nobody. I got the guy who watched me. They watched me and they wouldn't laugh

until I left. Then they go to see him until they No, that's not true. What the fuck we're going to do with them? That's not true. We've got to have a stretcher in the back here. This is fucked up. Iko's here with acupuncture needles and darts and shit. I remember, we didn't laugh.

No, no, no. It's just, listen, man, I remember being there, and a guy bigger than me came in one day. And we were trying, it was a daytime class, and they were teaching me how to take somebody's back. And we were both so fat that our legs didn't wrap around each other. It was like a fucking, not even to get the hooks in. This kid came one day, bought a guy, and. The next day I go, I went to him and I go, oh my God, I'm so happy a big guy finally joined. And you go, oh no, he emailed me last night, he quit already.

But you know what? I think, you know, you might be talking about Justin. And from what I heard, you know, he's a nice kid. The big kid with a blonde hair. Is that who it was? No, no, no, no. Oh, somebody else? This was a kid who came in one time.

There was a daytime class in V-Mac for a year. Yeah. Was a fucking, it was Zach and another couple guys that were really serious. Right. There were like three guys that just went there. There was one guy that were walking with the ghee, take his shoes off with a blue guy. He was a security guard. And he'd get on the thing.

I don't know. He'd do two or three things. And then leave. That was it. And get up. No goodbye. No thank you. No, see you next week, guys.

Just get up and he put a, and you just see him. Nothing. Just leave. And he put, like, if it was raining out, he put a hat on and a scarf with his ghee. You'd see him walking on Burbank to the car. There was another. Oh, my God. There was a...

Oh, that must have been Reggie. There was a guy. It was a Spanish guy. It was a fucking zoo in a day time. Was Reggie the guy with the headphones on? I don't know. It wasn't okay. It was like two or three guys that weren't okay.

This big guy came in and I'll never forget. We were both so fat. Hey, guys. I know. I know. We got to teach the kids soon. We got five minutes here. Five minutes.

Listen, thank you for coming in. I love you. Yeah, it was fun. I really respect you with all my heart as a martial honors. You really get it. You know, I came to you an idea and, you know, we're doing great things with a kettlebell class. Yeah. Yeah.

This is what we do. You love the yogi, Steve, right? Dude, I love that guy. I almost quit juditsu. I liked it so much. I was like, what am I doing that? I was like, I love the, but yeah. Yeah, don't quit.

But now I know. Now I love both. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, no. No, no, like a while, no, like a while ago. Like, but now. Yearly, you're going to go to jihitsu four days a week. I'm going to have to cold you and go, are you fucking retarded?

you're going to be telling me how you're going to street sports to do a seminar on leg locks and shit that the guy told you that even if you have little legs you could still tell. I can't wait for you to drive me crazy for me to go dog, I don't want to hear about no more I'm fucking 80 I can't do dick. And Lee, come more so you can hang it.

You know, you started off this today like I have no friends to talk to and all that. Come, come more. You know, get those comrades going, you know? Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah. I'll listen to you, Lou. But I was going to say, I've started to like judicu after we've been doing this morning class a lot.

Good. And it's honestly a lot because you're a great teacher. Like I've had a bunch of teachers and they've all been good at different things. But it's really cool. It's cool when you vibe with one. I like it. I really like teaching. It's great.

We've got a couple old guys. We've got Harry and myself. Nick comes in. He's a blue belt. And it's just a light workout in the morning. is we come out of there nice and sweaty. You go home feeling good about yourself. That's it.

We always learn something. You always review something. You always get taught something. And, you know, like I said, now Tuesdays, I'm going to build my cardio up. I'm going to go to kettlebell, relax, stretch, and start the warm-ups with Asan. You know what, man, if I make it to 1-15, I make it to 1-15. But next week, I'm going to make it to 1-18. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the week after that, I'm going to make the whole class. I'm going to roll twice. Yeah. And next thing, you know, on Tuesdays, you're doing a fucking work. out that people pray they could do. Right. If you don't have a lot of time on Tuesdays, I've never been to Marcelo madness. Hassan has a pretty intense start.

It is. It is, yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah. You go back. It's okay. It's okay. You'll just do the best you can.

I know you got to go. Yeah. He does it. Go to vmag.com, correct? ValleyMac. ValleyMac.com. Yeah, I got it here. Complete schedule.

They have the jitzu schedule, the teachers, everybody who, everything. The kid classes, the stick fighting. They have nine. to 10.30 on Sundays, they have Il Jitsu. The mini kicks. The mini kicks. Really hilarious. You know, you're doing jihitsu.

Mercy's got to come eventually, right? She's going to come. Mercy's definitely going to come. Mercy likes when I tackle her. I'm already getting her ready. I tickle her and stuff. VMA is big, so they can run the first couple pounds. You put cones out. They run. You put him a guy. Now, Sensei Nick is, he's great with those things.

My daughter, listen, I don't know what she wants to do. Let her come in and try. try that's it but what I want is for her to pick one something sure she comes to me when they says you know what I like mr. but I like uncle John that's right I want to do more kicks in taekwondo yeah yeah or I want to go dancing you got to let her try whatever the fuck yeah no pole dancing I'll fucking bust your head right now I'll fucking furring you you understand me con suck a pole dancing till I die then you do what the fuck you want but while I'm alive listen I love the Ronda Rousey movement.

I love the woman's jujitsu movement. The EBI thing with Grace Gundrum, a 12-year-old, Jiu-Jitsu Phenom, all those little 10-planet girls. When I first watched it, yes, I got emotional. I was excited. I was more excited because this means that my daughter, I don't have to worry.

Those little girls are not strong, so they work off technique, pure technique, with sometimes you all know you know Pam had me me passed out on my floor you know she choked me out 100% you know and uh you know she's half my weight so yeah let's not judge you know women at all no and i love i can sleep at night yeah i know and i tell lee all the time we giggle about it but in 10 years it's gonna be every rapist is gonna have a busted elbow that's i got to get rapist you almost had my pants off but i busted his elbow cops are going to come.

You got a big coconut on your elbow. Where were you? I was at the circus. No, you were. You tried to rape a little black girl in Lancashim, you're fucking. That's right. I love you, John, bud, with all our heart. Thank you, for all you.

Thank you, Lee. Let's give a little fucking shout out to the sponsors here. Like I said, VMAQ, they're there seven days a week, bang out. I think Saturday they even have a few class. Sure. I think they even teach a class from 11 to 12, how to become a magician. I got everything. They don't fuck around.

We're doing kettlebells, jujitsu. Karate. Karate. While we're talking about karate, a lot of people go work out, you go to the gym, you're single. You know, we got a lot of guys that listen to this.

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